The Flop House - Ep. #175 - Winter's Tale

Episode Date: April 4, 2015

We return to the "romantic fantasy" genre that served us so well (?) with Upside Down as we discuss the Colin Farrell vehicle, Winter's Tale. Meanwhile, Dan explains Aerosmith's magic powers, Elliott implores a horse to help him make his booty call, and Stuart wonders whether he was the one in Spaceballs. Movies recommended in this episode:Run All NightIt FollowsLove Affair, or the Case of the Missing Switchboard Operator

crack open your story books because tonight we watched a winter's tale it's just winter's tale a winter's tale oh boy perfect Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Great job Dan. I'm Stuart. Thank you. Thank you. And I'm Elliot Kaelin and we're off to a bang-up start. I'm feeling well. Don't jinx it dude.

I'll give it a lot of A plus for this episode so far. Positive energy in this room. How are I loving it? How are my levels? Your levels? At 100% awesome and super great. Oh wow. That's better than normal the charts The charts are very small though Sure, yeah, I should have bought bigger charts the problem is I

bought the smallest charts thinking they'd be the cheapest charts, but now I'm writing on the table So you gotta buy a new table. It's costing you more. Yeah. So your early comment was damning with faint praise. Well, I mean, it wasn't that faint. Well, if you in that it was damning faint praise river, which floods its banks every year, we got to put this flood up to say this dam up to save the town. Well, I think the early positive energy is dissipated. I'm giving us a C minus now. But I'm an A for effort. I'll take the blame for that. I'm in the wrong, but hey, I'm a big enough man to admit it, which is ironic because

I'm actually quite a small man. I write around and dance pocket at work. I'm giving us an A for effort and a B for Beffert. Okay. Is that a thing? Befford. Okay. Is that a thing? It is now. So it's not here. That websters make another entry in your stupid dictionary.

Yeah, Befford. Yeah, urban dictionary updated to not be a weird sex. Word of the year 2015. I'm calling it now. Befford. As soon as we figure out what it means and how you use it, it's going to be everywhere. Hashtag beffers. Hashtag your tweets beffers. And the way these websites, so to speak, have been doing their word of the year things like way early. Yeah, they do them

in like October's of then and you're like, what what the year's not even done yet. I could make up like seven words. New word. What if there's a new great Thanksgiving word that everyone starts using? Like squeeges. I just made that word. It's a great word. More crangleangleman is the plural of Cranglema. So it's German. In addition to the man of Crangle. In addition to being an etymology podcast. This is also a bad movie podcast where we watch a bad movie. And then we talk about it. And tonight, bully Howdy.

We're putting a lot of befford on this one. Let me tell you. We put in two hours of befford. We put in a lot of befford on this one. Let me tell you. We put in two hours of befford. We got a real seaver befford. It's the title of this film was Winters Tale, not the Winters Tale or a Winters Tale or Edgar Winters Tale. No, or John Winters Tale. All those things would be better. This was a fantasy romance, a magical realist tale. Now let me tell you first off off the bat.

This is based on a book I've never read, but I remember seeing the cover a lot when I worked at Barnes Noble. And what did the cover look like? It was kind of a moody atmospheric shot of light streaming through the windows of Grand Central Station. Were you called like a genius or something

when you worked there, or did you have any kind of cool title? Or did you have a uniform? I would. People bring in their old paperbacks to have you fix them. I would lay my healing hands upon them. People would bring in defective books, though which they meant books they didn't like the ending so.

I would lay my hands on them and miraculously the books would now have a more satisfying time. Basically a stack of Stephen King novels, right? Ooh. Yeah. That's true. Take that most successful author in history. Take that great successful author who somehow only has three satisfying endings for books ever possibly.

Name them. Yeah, name them. Eyes of the dragon. That's commentary. I liked the end too, that Kennedy won. And he's actually not on the record. I was about to say sell, but that one does not have a particular status

in my ending. What about the stand where the thing just explodes? So what the hell the God crunches it down? We love you, Stephen. What about it? Where all those kids have a gang bang? That's, that wasn't so great. It's an interesting ending.

I'm gonna give that a shot. I was not expecting. That's the thing, like he's such a great short story writer he he like he understands how to structure short story but like I think that he just gets he seems to get tired. I'm gonna tell you he gets like space madness by the end. Yeah. Yeah. The the at the long walk and the running man I like the endings of both of those. No, those aren't even in what? Those are novellas. Easy, easy. You give them a pass on those.

So what is they, they're falling to the gray area, no man's land, and they die, they go to limbo. The Stephen King marches, they call them, the disputed territory between short and long. Yeah, those are those are those existed in a sort of, uh, of Schrodinger state of neither book. I mean, they're probably in his fucking gunslinger books because they're super meta, the dark tower books.

Okay. Well, let's just get to talking about this shitty. Now, here's the thing I was going to say about winterstale. It's got a lot. I'd never read the book, but it's got a lot of elements that if I had known were in it, I might have read it. It's set in New York's past. I love that.

It's set from the 1890s to 1916 and beyond spoiler alert. It's got Russell Crowe's in it. Not in the book. It's got fantasy elements, but it still set in a real-worldish setting. Yeah, magical realism. It's called. It's not for that. Well, no, but it's not magical realism. Magical realism is a more of a Gabriel Garcia Marquez type thing where it is not, well, no, but it's not magical realism. Magical realism is a, is a more of a, Gabriel Garcia Marquez type thing, where it is not good. Really, you're named an author. Well, no, that was just like, we're in his books.

It's more a sense of like, this is our world, but they're a kind of inexplicable things that happen, or strange kind of whimsical coincidences, certain definitions. This was just now, not fantasy. There's magic, there's a flying horse. That's true. There's miracles. Like in the tin. This was just now, not fantasy. There's magic, there's a flying horse, there's miracles.

Like in the tin drum where that little dude just stops growing, and then he can scream and break glasses. I mean, I think that actually is closer to magical real life. Yeah, yeah. This is like a fantasy. There's a fantasy story.

Has like, that's like describing Buffy as magical realism. Buffy the vampire slayer, not Buffy some person. You know, that person could be magical, or else my don't know. Our pal Buffy, some person. You know, that person could be magical Arles, and I don't know. Our pal Buffy, down at a DMV. She works at the... I didn't know we had a friend of the DMV. She works at the DMV, but every now and then, the ghost of her abuela comes and gives

her advice. So, that's magical realism right there, yeah. And she cries into every license that she issues. And those tears give people good luck in their driving. Yeah. So I would say this is, I would call this historical fantasy. Sure. The same way that like, what was that Kurt Busiac Carlos

Pichetto kind of look where it was World War One, but they had still they had like dragon and gnomes and stuff. Arosmith and yes, yeah, that's historical fantasy. I walk this way. No. Yeah, the historical fantasy of Arosmith, that dude looks like a lady. He must have cast a spell of illusion on himself.

That's a spell of lady looking like. It was so good it had me cryin. It was amazing. It was crazy. It's what other band had three songs to the rope that were the same song. Name a band. That is magic. It's like my magical real.

Yeah, even up to toxic twins to go to make music that is made. Pull over American eyes. Pull the wool would be a great arosmith album. That would be perfect. Pull the wool with the song's lasin' crazy and hazy and a chasin' and a jason a jason and chasin' and jason versus credit a jason we're in an elevator oh no a witch has to love spell on this elevator now we're going up as it's going down. We're living it up as we're going down.

It's going up. That's not even a euphemism. No. Look, Stephen Tyler's just beyond me. I don't know. Anyway, it's Stephen Tyler, Stephen King, two great American poets. Why don't they finally get a work together?

I'm so anyway. For it looks like a lady. Who's sure. That's when Pennywise has long hair. In a scarf. And a scarf tied to a mic stand. Because Stephen Tyler's always words, mic stands a little too cold. Let's tie a scarf around it. Anyway, let's talk about this movie is about. It's a fantasy set in Old New York. So it's 1895. There's an immigrant couple from somewhere and they don't get past Ellis

Island because they have consumption. Their infant son is not allowed in. So they in in shades of Superman here for the listeners on those consumption is the doc holiday disease. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or any like pretty lady in our old movie. Any old thing that needed someone to die there. That informs a lot as to your taste. Yeah, I think it's essentially tuberculosis, right? Yeah, it's one of those, but I mean, isn't the point just like as a disease where like,

you can basically show the disease, but just a bunch of coughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no red spot. Yeah, being pale and delicate and dying. As all the most beautiful women are, according to Ed Grail and Poe. So they shades of Superman or Moses. I prefer to say Superman because the Moses story

is actually more believable than the one in this movie. That's true. They put their baby in a model boat called the City of Justice. I space that. They set it a drift in New York Harbor. Can I ask you to? And then it I guess makes it's way to shore.

The baby doesn't die of exposure. Yeah. I spaced out at the beginning of this movie. You know, it's a shit. It ain't shit on the world. How entertaining. It's shit. How entertaining this movie was.

It was I spaced out early. Although to be fair, my downstairs neighbors were booming loud music. So that was distracting. But the movie opens, yeah, I think you space out because the movie opens the voiceover about how like stars are full of miracles, and when they die, you become a star. And my grandma always told me that

the legions of angels needed battle. Where did they find this tiny boat? Because it was like a perfect... I think it shows the dead stealing it from a display like on the ship They're on or in Ellis Island. I couldn't quite all right. I wasn't quite sure anyway like a perfect You know one baby It's a baby

They were at they were at babies are us in the baby boat section and he did just took it okay And so that baby floated New York where it came calm fair. We're in 21 years 19. Now we've also seen a prologue in which a calm farewell with long hair is in a room and he finds a name plate for the city of justice boat 1895 baby gets put in the boat now it's 1960. Maybe got boat. Even a grown-ups got a shout baby got boat. I like little boats that I cannot lie. I'm a baby. And I just saw what this new career of yours is baby weird out. I guess. Yeah, I do baby

versions of other songs. So like give me another song. I'll do baby version of it. But you're not like a baby. That's easy. Call me baby. I'm sorry. That was a give me. Yeah. Yeah. like a baby. That's easy. Call me baby. I'm sorry. That was a give me. Yeah. Yeah. I'm pooping my pants and it seems crazy. But here's the problem. I'm a baby. Yeah. That's the way it is. Give me another one. I don't

even know what's rolling in the deep. Rolling in the diaper done. Okay. Okay. They call me Al Jr. Okay, so it's 1916 and Colin Farrell has grown up to become Peter Lake, a nerd-well thief who is in a gang like... He's been back to where they fished him out of, right? He's what?

They fished him out of a lake or something, so they named him Peter Lake. I mean, they didn't fish him out of a lake really. He was in the harbor. Like the New York Harbor, the Hudson River or something. It's kind of the same thing though, right? I mean, in that, fish him out of a lake really. He was in the harbor. Like the New York harbor, the Hudson River or something. It's kind of the same thing though, right? I mean, in that out there all bodies of water.

Maybe that person who found him didn't know the difference. That's very possible. It was me. He is being chased by a gang led by Russell Crowe, who is a gangster demon named Perly Soames. And Colin Fraw was a member of that gang, and Perly Soames had big plans for him and now Colin Fraud wants to leave

So now Russell Crowe hates him and he's saved the last minute by a mysterious winged white horse named horse. Yeah, yeah You glossed over Russell Crowe's Irish Popeye accent though. I mean well, let's talk about it It's probably the most interesting one. Yes. It sounds like a pop I was like, it's probably the most fun performance in the movie. It's the hammyest certainly. Well, as the demon villain, he gets to ham it up and chew the scenery. The only other demon who really gets to, uh, gets the chance is Will Smith as Lucifer,

which comes as kind of a surprise part way through the movie, but he plays it pretty subdued. Yeah. Like he's still pretty Willenium style will, and doesn't wanna, even though he is, I guess the Prince of Darkness, the fallen Morning Star, he doesn't wanna show any too much emotion. Yeah, he's doing his best cipher rage impression. But what I like about this synopsis so far,

is I imagine listener being like, oh man, they must be glossing over a lot of stuff. No, it's just as inexplicable. His sound baby boat, baby, and running from gang to will to flying horse to demon to flying horse. So he decides he's gonna he's gonna steal from one last house and one last job one last job from being a demon. Asman. I guess so we ride this magic horse over to

Prospect Park. Eyes it up and then use the fucking grappling hook to climb up the side of a house. We don't see the grappling hook. We totally see the grappling hook. I don't remember that part. That's how he climbs up the side of the house. I mean, later he does climb up the side of a castle

to have sex with a dying girl in a tent. So maybe as a grappling hook, or he floated up on his, we'll get to that. He's probably got like a bimic commando style arm. Yeah, he's like a regular X-51 machine man. Yeah, there's nothing in the movie that says he doesn't have a grappling hook shooting arm. That's true. There's nothing in the movie that says he isn't Worshack and doesn't have a grappling hook gun. Or that he can't play football. There's nothing

in the movie that says that. You know what? Put him in. We'll see. His miracle white horse scored the touchdown. Nothing in the rulebook that says the tri-star pictures logo can't play on the team Anyway, so he go he's robbing a mansion of Beverly Penn who's played by you may know her as the lady cybil from down nabby I forget her name Elizabeth something finlay I think and I forget her name. Elizabeth, something Finlay, I think. And lovely, like you know, I'm D.B. She's the one who married the anarchist driver.

The Butler, Butler driver. Like, like, and then died of, and then died of, and then she died of preclampsia, spoiler alert. Is, is Vivian the anarchist or is it Rick Miles character? Rick is the anarchist. Vivian is the punk metalhead. Okay, yeah. Neil is the hippie. Vivian is the punk metalhead. Okay, yeah.

Neil is the hippie, and Mike is the Thatchwright capitalist. So she married Rick Miles character. That's right, she married one of the young ones. He's everyone's favorite character. I mean, come on, let's face it, Rick is the best one. What a great show, huh? I like them when we watch that. I watch like three or four episodes of that

and so two hours of this. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so Beverly Penn. Maybe see a musical performance by crowd at house or something. Yeah. Motorhead. Sure.

Or Dexie's Midnight Runners. Yeah. Or like the sales scene that weird song about Doc Martin's boots. Look, I know that we've got a lot of young people in our audience who may not be familiar with the young ones. Look it up. Look it up. Get the DVDs from Netflix if they exist. Go straight to the first episode of season two,

Bambi, it's the best episode, going with the run university challenge. So they should start with the best episode first. That's like watching Akira first and then watching other JAPBs animation. What, fucking. I feel like that's how every person, everyone will be just disappointed.

Before your Pokemon's and your Digimon's, every guy got into the anime with Sierra. The young ones mythology that they need to follow. There's only 12 episodes in the series, right? They only did two seasons. When they did like bottom and all that. They all die in a bus explosion. I think it's the last episode.

It's so spoiler-ruller. It doesn't matter. They die in other episodes too. In the Bambi episode, Vivian gets his head knocked off by a train. But anyway, so the house is run owned by the Penn family. William Hurt is the dad and he's a newspaper editor and his daughter and his inexplicably English accent to daughter since nobody else in the family has an English accent is dying of consumption.

In fact, her fever is so hot that later in the movie, she has to sleep outside because only the snows can cool her down enough to live. She catches Colin Farrell, robbing the house, and they, of course, have tea and fall in love. Adorable. I wouldn't you. Yeah. A rogish thief like now. It's established that every person has a miracle inside them and it's their destiny to try to get it out of me. Dan starts cutting stabbing it himself in the letter opener.

No, I don't want it. But I think I think this is a bullshit movie. Oh, my God. It isn't until the scene where they're like talking like after she catches him trying to like steal shit from her house. That's the first time where there's any actual like characters or non-magical bullshit going on.

That's the first scene where like- We're two characters kind of have a conversation, right? Yeah. And yeah, as I said at the time, it was the closest I came to enjoying the movie because like that was a scenario that I was like, oh, this is like an interesting scenario. Guy comes to Rob House. The lady catches them and they say, I don't have to. After taking a bath. After she takes a bath teasing Dan with the possibility of nudity and yet not paying off.

Did not. Yeah. If one of many reasons is being weird, this movie. Sure. Literally you get to see her side boob in silhouette to attempt. And you don't try and don't patronize me. Don't patronize my side boob silhouette store. We don't need your business.

Your money's not good here. So then so so he believes they start to everyone get I guess gets to believe that his miracle is to save Beverly the girl whose name consumption so the gangster decides he's gonna ruin peter's life by stop making unable to do this by killing Beverly first. Yeah some kind of vision where he paints a picture of her using the brand central oyster bar and he slashes a guy across the throat and uses the blood to paint this picture of a red haired woman looking at the moon and he's like that guy across the throat and uses the blood to paint this picture of a red-haired woman looking at the moon, and he's like, that's who it is. Find the red-haired woman.

Except he says it like, that's who it is. Oh, my amigur. Oh, my amigur. Oh, my amigur. Well, blow me down. Like, breathe in the morgue. And I'm gonna give the kids, see?

Let's go. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, we're not gonna animate my mouth This part because Jack Moser is just putting it in after the facts And you can see Kevin Corrigan standing next to him rolling his eyes and waiting to Cash that check he got to the movie as the henchman and yet Billy Corrigan nowhere to be found. No a spooky looking guy With a ton of stars. It shouldn't you be floating around with melancholy and all that other infinite garbage. Yeah, I'm calling it the infinite garbage. That's what makes me think it

looks like some kind of 60s science fiction story where there's just infinite garbage. It's called Wally, do you? We discovered a planet of infinite garbage. I guess Wally is melancholy. Yeah, he is very sad because he's lonely. The only movie he has to watch is Hello Dolly. Which is not a very good movie. But he learns to love from it. So, you know, that teaches us that there's something in every movie that we could be taking. Except Winterstail, which we'll continue with.

They try to kill the girl and Colin Farrell saves her with his magic horse, and this continues the theme of the movie, which is the magic horse saving Colin Farrell when he fucks up. They escape the bad guys because, pearly is supernaturally bound to New York. He cannot leave the five burrows, and so they escape to, you know, up a, you know,

in like... Hamptons or something. Yeah, somewhere north of it. At the family's summer home, we're still snowing. It's still winter. And this is when I'm checking up again on Wikipedia that Beverly explains that everyone is born with a miracle inside,

and when they die, they become stars. Yeah. They're all made of star stuff, as Carl Thagen would say. I mean, we are technically made of star stuff. And when we die, our souls don't float up and add to stars. How do you know, Elliot?

Well, because the sky does not change every night when thousands, if not millions of people are dead. Sure. So many people die every day. This constellation will be constantly shit. Yeah, if you want to become a star, you need to like insult a god or goddess or do something else of import.

Yeah, you've got to like be the goddess in a sewing costume contest or go on America's Got Talent and really wow the judges. Exactly. And that's your short cut to start them. Maybe the only the only the really like maybe have a viral sex tape that like somehow gets you a career as a famous cat about. Okay viral on a computer sense. Not like break. We're having sex with a monkey again. Yeah. It's me, the famous patient zero on the guy who had sex with a monkey again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's me, the famous patient zero. On the guy who had sex with that monkey and then spread it to humanity, book deal, please.

Who's gonna play me in a movie? Vin Diesel or Chris Pine, let's say. I was just saying that maybe only the really important people become full stars. And then everyone else just, they just add a little extra star to how do you get, how do you get, how do you get who's an important person? Like just George W. Bush get to be a star because he was president. So it's like in certain mythologies that when you die, you cross the bridge of swords

and all the men you've slain serve you in the afterlife. That's not what I was saying, but you guys agree. All right, so I guess everybody slays some men so you can have some servants when you cross the bridge of swords in your town. Yeah, you don't have to serve somebody else. I would cross the bridge of sheets, much less sharp. Okay. You don't have to worry about breaking your plates. Wait, it's made out of sheep's? Yes, sheep's, the bridge of sheep's. Yeah. You can't

fall asleep halfway through because you're counting your steps. So they, he Lucifer says, I'm not gonna let you. Yes, Lucifer Smith. Yes, Will Smith. Hey, Will, can I do this? Can I get Jiggy with this and leave the five. He says it way funnier than you. Seven. What do you mean way funnier? Seven is a little pop-up, my boys. Skip it up. Hey, look, I want to say welcome to Miami, but I can't do that.

Well, I'm stuck in the five burrows. Can I leave and Lucifer says no. So instead, Russell Crowe calls in a favor with another angel of the demons, and that guy poisons Beverly's drink at a dance. At the Colin Farrell and Beverly go to the dance, they dance a lot, then she's sleeping in her roof tent, and she undresses before a candle so that her sexy silhouette is seen through. And then she just steps outside and takes her clothes off.

He appears in her tent, which means either he climbed it up at like Spider-Man or looping the third or something. Or it would be a very looping the third move. Or it means that he somehow convinced the flying horse to just carry him up there so he could do it, yeah, like to be his wing horse. Yeah. I mean, I think that horse is in there. He's tricked him into the horse.

The horse is watching. Come on. Horse. Horse, come on. Horse, Come on horse. It's a little big a bro Come on. Do me a solid. Come on. We know what's gonna happen. Come on. Be a pro I do the same for you. There was some fine Philly up there But you weren't of course, gilded. Yeah Yeah, I'd fly up there my wings my man. I'm fly you up there on my man wings and I had them Yeah, I would do the same for you come on you climb on my man wings and I had him. Yeah, but do the same for you. Come on, you climb on me.

Man, horse riding a man, no one's seen it before, but I'm doing it. That's a story, man rides horse, that's not a story. Horse rides man, now you're talking. That's mad at the realism. We'll sell all the papers because we're newsies now. Not old zis, nobody wants old zis, which is people who collect old newspapers

and sell them to fish as overcoats. We want to be newsies. We sell newspapers to people for reading. Anyway, of course, I guess what I'm saying is get me up that fucking castle because I got to get in it. You know what I'm saying? I got to get up and say I got to have it. It's 1916.

For all I know, I could be sent to the fucking Western front. Does Diane Nomam's land with some barbed wire and shit and machine guns Chatterin all that stuff fairwelling to arms and who gives a shit or so. I guess what I'm saying is Let's take me up there so I can get this thing over with horse. This lady has been teasing us all night What with her going into baths and her diphonyus Night gams. Let me put it. Diphonius and Diafonius. Diphonius. Diphonius.

Diphonius. Which would be two phonies. That's the Greek god of two phonies. What the? Colonies and brother. Diphonius. With their dynisus nightgowns. Yeah, yeah.

Let me put in words you understand, Horse. She is literally the carrot on the end of the stick. Ha, ha ha ha. Yeah, look, I've heard Hay is for horses. There is a crapload of Hay in this for you if you'll get me up there. I don't care, lifetime of Hay. I don't care what it takes.

You want to carrot? Great. You want a sugarcube? Great. You want to carrot inside a sugarcube? I'll make it happen. Wrap it up in hay, swallow that whole fucking thing down. Just do it and get me up there because I don't care Fly me up there fly me up there Fly me up there. I'm gonna keep saying so you do it fly me up there fly me up there fly me up there

Fly me up there. Can you see huh into this? I am you she is into me man, and you are standing my way I am sitting on your back right now, so I know you can feel my bow. You are hoof blocking me, man. Why would you do this to a bro? Yeah. Bros before hooves, dude. So all of that happened exactly as we just tried. It was a great scene.

Anyway, they go open and have sex. And as with all first times having sex, it's magical and it feels right for both of them. She dies. And her dad doesn't walk in and she dies. It's not Lepetite Mort. It's Lepetite Mort. It's Lepetite Mort.

Yeah, it's El Muerto Grande. Yeah. This is an Ariana Muerto Grande going on here. She dies and he is heartbroken. So when Purly shows up at the foot of the Brooklyn Bridge with an army of men and they fight each other, and the headbutts Colin Farrell off the bridge with five headbutts in a row, and Colin, using all different parts of his head when he butts them to you.

Yeah, yeah. Well, like the Native Americans, he uses all parts of the head when he had butts people, so many butts. And Dan was like, butts, no, they were headbutts. Sorry, Dan. The worst kind of butts. Yeah. But some someone's head upon to be but if you will. So named after the Star Wars cantina character who had a butt on his face. Anyway, Colin Farrell falls into the water. And here's where he crawls out and suddenly it's 2014. And he's apparently been wandering around for a hundred years, not remembering who he was, but being mysteriously drawn to Beverly's grave. How he lives that long, because he's got to accomplish his miracle, dudes. The miracle on ice at the 1980 Olympics.

He wins that gold medal. Do you believe in miracles, USA, USA? Still in Amnusiac. I'm amazed they didn't have a montage. I'll, uh, X-Men origins Wolverine of him fighting in every war between them and now. That had been great, but they didn't do that. Or him just like walking or him doing like chalk paintings while people fight around him. Oh, because he does a lot of chalk drawings of that same image that Russell Crowe painted

in blood of a red-haired girl staring at the moon. Now, 2014, he's in Central Park wandering around like a hobo who has an apartment and somehow affords, like you were saying food and clothes and things, even though he's an amnesiac and no job. And he bumps into a little girl and meets her mother, Virginia, played by Jennifer Connolly. Who I guess is just walking around her neighborhood

and parts of Brooklyn? Except that they were in Central Park when they bummed to each other. That's so weird. But it looks like, well, you're probably, they were they're in prospect park. I'm gonna give this movie anything I'll give it that There were a couple times when I'm like oh William hurt. Oh Jennifer Connelly nice to see you guys nice to see you guys working Seems like you've been away from movies even really st. Shows up. She's a piece of classic Hollywood. Yeah, mm-hmm

When was the last time we saw her in Corrigan. Kevin Corrigan, a living link to the past. So good casting, I guess. Oh, I mean, I like Russell Crowe for the most part as an actor. Mm-hmm. What's that singing? I mean, the heyday of what he could do movie like the insider and like disappear into a character seems to be over. I blame Cinderella man. I mean, the heyday of what he could do movie like the insider and like disappear into a character seems to be over.

I blame Cinderella man. I think that was the breaking point. But anyway, the- And Colin Farrell has been good in things before. Not this. No, not this because now he got, I forget what happens, but he somehow is like, you know what?

I'm not gonna have amnesia anymore. I think I'll go back to my hiding place in Grand Central Station and find my old stuff. He picks up the cancer kit and the cancer kit reminds him that. And the cancer kit is brought to him by, here's the thing we've glossed over earlier. He hires a stable for his magic horse earlier and he gives the money to the black stable hand. Is this a normal person? No, it's one of the magical black people that lives in movies and helps white people. And the now something like a bigger advance if you will. It's a hundred years later and this faux-bagger-vance character is just hanging out in Central

Park and he tossing his coin around. Tossing a coin that Colin Farrell gave him around and he goes, here's your change, Peter. And he flips it and there's a shimmer of light. Everything in this movie shines like crazy in the light. It's tons of glinting and the little girl bumps into him. That character never seen again, that magic guy. It is the most like token character you could throw in. And he's in like basically three scenes.

And then he has a token. He literally has a token. He literally started to open there. And then the magical coin. Peter gets his memory back. He decides to do it. But not magical gems. That's what Russell Crowe has that like plate of

magic. He has that he just kind of shifts around. And once the light flows through it and it makes like an image of a building, like I'm not sure what there's a lot of magic in this movie that we just catch glimpses of that is not explained enough to make it cool. And instead it's just like what are they doing now? And nor is it. Nor is it enough stuff in the background to make it feel like there's this like fleshed out world. No, this is a movie struggling against the limits of its budget constantly.

I could easily see there being a movie where they don't explain the magic and that's what's great about it. Like it just is a thing that exists and you're left to pick it up. I'm not quite sure what the difference is. Like other than this movie's between what? Between a good version of a movie that doesn't explain a magic kind of bad movie, except for this movie, all the movies cut out completely arbitrary. I cut out all the fucking exposition. This movie's

yeah overloaded with it. Well, that's the thing. There's a lot for for as much as they don't explain. They over explain a lot of other stuff. Like we find out she has to pick up her daughter at 3.30. That this somebody else likes pecans. Jennifer Connelly explains her job and that she works there and a couple other things to the person. She's talking to her reception. She's like, I work here.

Okay, I'm the food columnist. Great. Why are you telling me this? So he's working on a pecan piece. Yeah. Colin Farrell shows up at this place that, I guess it's the newspaper offices of the, it's something called the pen reading room, which was willing, oh, he skipped over when he met William Hurt and they have this conversation about whether he likes to drink wine at dinner and how the words claret and filet are pronounced. And like, it's supposed to be charming, I guess,

but it's like, move it, you're killing me. You're well, what's with the filler? What's with the stovetop stuffing here? Come on. Yeah. This is all filler, no killer. It was moving. And no filet's diller.

This one filet's diller laugh would have meant that it meant the world to me. I mean, I do think that this is what happens when a screenwriter directs and movies like this is all gold. All of it is gold. We didn't all stay. Especially when it's a Kiva Goldsman.

Yeah. You think it's all gold because it's gold in his name who you may know as the writer of Lost in Space and what Batman and Robin. He's a lot of movies. He's an incredibly successful Hollywood He's a pretty strong body. How are you? Tremendously high-paid screenwriter. He's an incredibly successful Hollywood professional who has, I think, yet to make a single movie that I like that I've seen.

Yeah. Agreed. I thought you said loss in space. That's how we got William Hurk. Yeah. All the fun times they had on set with Matt and Walk. Just Goofing. Just Goofing.

That time when they started calling it, uh, uh, lost in case. And it was like, we're stuck in this giant suitcase. Oh, they played that game online. I got to watch the DVD extra. Oh, they talk about. There's a DVD extra called Prank's in space, which is all of that. All the practical jokes they played on the set. For instance, one day, they all like worn lingerie to the set. That's really, yeah. That only MATLAB locked it that was weird. There was one whole day where Kiva Goldsmith

kept calling William Hurt John Hurt as a joke. And William, by the middle of the day, William Hurt started wondering if maybe his name was John Hurt and he had been getting it wrong all these years. And he was like, so was I in alien or is his name William hurt? And I'm John hurt. Why do I keep getting William hurts male? There's a problem.

Who's trailer should I get in my trailer or William hurts trailer? One of us was the accidental tourists. I can't remember anymore. Was I, did I do a video production of Crap's Less Tape by St. Rebecca, or was that, the other, was that the other hurt? I can't understand anymore. Was I in Space Balls, or was I not in Space Balls? Hold on a second. 1984, was that me?

Herk, the song, did I write that? Is it about me? Boy, am I confused? At the end of the day, a key of a culture was like, Frank, surprise, your name is William Hart. But by that time, his sense of self had been destroyed. Oh, he was a mad man.

He was just a shambling and saying, you know, like, shell husk of himself. Who am I? What? I am I? John Williams? That's why he hasn't been in movies lately. That's because that happened 20 years ago.

I'm becoming this Ren-Failed character eating bugs and whatnot. So that he could eventually work his way up to being a vampire like the master, Akiva Goldsmith. Did I mention he's a vampire? He is. Anyway, Akiva is short for Akiva Empire. So he shows up at the pen reading room, which is named after William Hertz character, and, uh, he's trying to find information about whatever. And Jennifer

Connelly over here is him and it's like, here, I'll help you. They go back to the microfilm library and she finds a picture from 1916 of Beverly and Peter together. But that can't be you. He hasn't aged today. What? And she's she even suggests that it's his dad and I'm like that's been 90 years dude He's he's 21 years old clearly how old yeah how old do you think his dad was when he had maybe it's one of those like Last surviving son of a Confederate general or something like that, but they had a kid when they're in their 80s but uh They go to the newspaper offices and she reintroduces him to Beverly's once young, now elderly sister Willa played by Yvonne Marie

St. They go back to the old house in Park Slope and she tells them she likes pecans. That's basically the extent of that scene. He goes to have dinner with Jennifer Connelly and her daughter. Her daughter has a seizure and it turns out she has cancer in his dying. This is it. This is the miracle that he was sent to stop. She has red hair. She's the red-haired girl he was sent to save. Not his only love. Uh-oh, purly, who stole my- Wait, is he going to have sex with a little girl?

No, that is not what happens. As you've noticed, as Zardos said, the penis is death, the penis is evil, as he showed by killing her with his penis, when she died after they have sex. So according to Zardos' rule, a real bad Johnson. So his enormous Johnson, was that what those shirts were?

Was it? No, I think it was huge Woody and big Johnson. That sort of was huge. Yeah, and Cohen, naked what it was. Yeah, and co-ed naked lacrosse. Yeah, and where do the big dogs come in? They certainly don't sit on the porch, Dan. Anyway, no fear, Mossimo. Other trend shirts, Stucey. That all are what would be written on shirts that somebody with Colin Ferrell's hair would be wearing. Sure. Colin Fer a Colin Ferrell has this like, yeah, this mid 90s high school hair.

Get a real skater boy hair, get more things shirts that could only be worn by the coolest people. And only for six months before they stop being cool. The great thing about those shirts is that they're really snug around the neck, but they flare out around the waist. Yeah, well, you got to leave your bulky waistline. You got to leave room for people to see the umbrose soccer shorts that you're also wearing. Were those big when you were a kid?

When I was a teen, those were huge. I mean, now was a soccer player, so yeah. Everybody wore them when I was a kid. Not just a... I would say I was wearing one of those shirts over a pair of Jenko jeans. Okay. The kind of jeans that make people believe that you might not have legs at all, but you just float around on to it.

I do. Just a parent of air. And of course, hyper color was also in there somewhere too. Flat braces. Come on. I think you're getting your timelines. You got your bootleg sims and shirts, bootleg ninja turtle shirts, all that stuff. Anyway, purly is still alive.

He finds out Peter is still alive because his magic jewels tell him. And they go to Jennifer Connelly's apartment. They, the good guys escape on the back of magic horse who shows up again and flies them away to the old house, the old castle outside of town. But what would you say? Before this, and Russell Crowe goes to Will Smith,

and he's like, bro, I'm tired of being in this this movie make me a mortal person so that if I battle this dude I'll die for real. He does that so he can leave the city Yeah, but I think I mean at this point he's just giving up. Yeah, well he's so he's so driven with hate and Revenge and he wants to be out of the movie. Yeah, and so they go They escaped to the castle, the bad guys drive up in a bunch of cars, what a surprise flying horse comes along and save them by cracking the ice on a frozen lake, thus making all the henchmen sink into the water, killing them ice-sume, and sinking their cars. There's a fist fight between Russell Crowe and

Colin Farrell. Russell Crowe is winning handily.ily until Colin Farrell stabs him in the neck with the name plate from the Toyship that brought him to New York in the first place. Probably what his dad had in mind. And Peter, like Abby seems to die and Peter cries on her and it brings her back to life. And then that was the miracle that was inside. That was the miracle that inside that was the miracle that was inside him and his work done he visits Beverly's grave on last time then gets on his magic course and flies off into the stars to be a stuff like the bullshit narration where it's like

why did this girl get saved who knows maybe everyone's important maybe the world is looking out for everybody like wait hold on that's not true like millions of people die tragically all the time. Yeah. What the fuck? What the fuck, movie stuff? They don't only deliver nice fucking manhand apartments. Or fancy Park's Lobe houses. Yeah, magic does not intervene on all of our behalf

when something shitty happens. Well, similar to M Night Shyamalan signs, in which we are told that Asmo was put on this earth to protect one kid from an alien with gas coming out of his wrists once. So it's like, oh, so all those people who died from it, I guess that was acceptable losses to save this one kid. So that Mel Gibson could rediscover his faith. You know, it's a bullshit type. It's a borderline offensive reading of the universe. But here's what I'm going to tell you about this movie.

Okay. Is it particularly well made? No. The writing is low-key and sloppy and boring. How are the special effects? Pretty cheap looking. Is it well shot? No.

The scenes always look like the camera's getting in close to hide the fact that they don't have a lot of background or budget to show you extras or things like that. What about the performances? The performances are wooden and lifeless. But here's one screenplay at the top notch, right? As mentioned, the writing is not so good. Okay. Low-key and the music is...

Forgettable? That's forgettable. At worst, treacle. But here's one to say about the movie. Costuming. The costuming, fine. I mean, it's not particularly great. Costuming. Costuming, fine. I mean, it's not particularly great. Costuming salad, I would say.

I would say sometimes it's all, but sometimes it looks like the same clothes are used for 1916 and 2014. That's true. Yeah, yeah, they're all sleepy halos. I will say, I admire the ambition in making a fantasy romance and not playing it ironically or winking at the audience but attempting to actually have some sort of grand emotional romantic uh What's the word uh what's the opposite of irony? Uh sincerity sincerity. Thank you. Some real sincerity do it. I can never, that's a word I have so much to remember

in all the time, which says bad things about me. I will say Mr. Antony. That's what I'm doing. That's the dumbest Batman villain. I am going to safe keep the diamond. He's going to rob it. It's Mr. Antony. No bad man.

Well, I just did the opposite of what you told me. The escape hatch is through that door. Okay, I guess I'll take the other one. Damn. I mean, great. Boyle again. I mean, not foiled again, because I happen foiled again. And bad man's like, at what point are you not just

Bizarreau? We're just saying the answer. That's I, but man. But, but man. It's a porno. Yeah. This is a but man meets Mr. Antony. Did we not mention that? There's a crossovers with Marvel, right? Yeah, it's one of those porn crossovers. So here, but here's a say, not a good movie, okay, but I'm always saying I'd like to see more movies that are fantasies that are not Two armies clashing across a verdant New Zealand field and a bunch of dwarves and and hobbits and dragons and shit

I'm switching that's going on Just saying there's more to fantasy than like vaguely medieval settings. So I appreciate that a store like that was attempted, but they did it very poorly and I didn't like it. It was boring. Well, I think, I mean, I think you're right. As much as I love all the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies, I feel like every other movie is trying to do that.

Yes. The movie we haven't watched yet, Dracula, Untold or whatever. I'm assuming from the trailers, it does the same shit. Like all the 300 clones. I mean, like fantasy does not have to instantly mean slash leather doublets. And you know, like, and like wooden wheels, carts full of hay.

Or like thatched roofs. You know, it's like, I wish I'd like this movie more because I like movies with a fantastical element that are not set in a middle earth medieval setting. Because everything about it was really boring and dull. Yeah, so I'm just, you know, I'm just giving over final judgments because we all agree it's a bad, bad movie. I know.

It's kind of like if you took, right now, if you took like a Terry Gillian movie and you drained all the blood out of it. Yeah. Maybe this would be like this was one of the dullest movies we've watched. This was like a John Foster dullest movie. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you want to watch a movie that has the same kind of feel or like what this movie's going for, go watch fucking Star Dust.

Yeah. Which is a better version of this movie basically. And yeah, yeah, in some ways, yeah. So, moving on. Just makes me mad that this movie about Phantasy New York got made, but my screenplay, about a bunch of wizards and ninjas fighting over real estate in New York and Hollywood.

Yeah, I mean, the fact that you're a movie, the fact that your movie hinged on Robert Moses, maybe the reason that... All the information you need to know is there. Here's one of the things I don't like. Let me just say this and then we'll get to the letters. Oh boy. It's Robert Moses control the ninjas or the wizards? Both essentially. Oh okay. Well the ninjas basically, but there's wizardry involved.

Here's the thing. People are so ready to watch a movie where they have to learn a lot of fake made up mythology bullshit like Star Wars crap or the ring's crap or whatever. Fast and the Rings crap or whatever. Fast and the furious crap. Fast and the furious. But if a movie involves actual history, people are like, forget it. Don't want to learn any of that stuff.

Boring. I'll tell you what, don't tell me any facts about things that actually happened. Tell me about who won the Battle of Cal's Cagul back in the eighth Meridian Age against the Gorsazzians. Okay, well that was much in mountains. So was it in the eighth Meridian age or the 12th Nomearian age?

I might have in it, but the 15th Abyssi an age. Before we move on to later. Zogos calendar. Before we move on to. Back when King Sorgos ruled with his iron clockwork, zombie men, yeah. Before we move on when King Sorgos ruled with his iron clockwork zombie man. Yeah, before we move on to letters Just a word of thanks. This is the first Show that's coming out post Max Von drive. Thank you to everyone the pledge drive 2015

Thank you to everyone who supported the show we are new to the maximum fun network and nude to the maximum Sometimes I'm unlike old shows that have you know like donors that are re-upping, we are starting from zero in terms of donations. Less than zero. So, thank you to everyone who donated and listed us as one of the shows that they listened to. Thank you very much. They're by throwing some money our way.

I really appreciate it, and we all do do and there's something really nice about getting that kind of direct support from listeners. When you don't have to, but it shows that you really care about us and we care about you. So thank you. Thanks guys. Hi, I'm Julie Sabatier, host of Rendered, a show about making meaning and breaking rules. Tune in to hear how learning to butcher could change your life. Why turning to the internet for health advice is sometimes a good idea.

And what happens when artists are really honest? I mean, I just, I think of most of my career in music and art as a bunch of failures, you know. So what keeps you going with it then? Check out RenderedNow at MaximumFun.org or wherever you like to listen to podcasts. To move on, let's talk about buttsome off the listeners. Well, what's that in dance hand? What's that in dance hand all over the land? They're asking, what's in dance hand? It's a piece of paper, I say, I think it's a paper with

writing on it, what's it say today? Dear flop house on this paper, there is a map to what treasure beyond measure. Maybe it's crap. What go and follow it there? You'll fight bears. You'll eat hairs. Rabbit's that is.

Not like a wig. David. It's a magical quest in a letter for Dan. Dear Dan, you may not remember me, but I'm the long lost mother of your child. Bump, bump, bump. I'm a princess from Mars, and I need you to come back to rule my planet for me.

Signed Dan, why'd you sign your own name to your fake letter that you wrote Dan? It's not a song anymore, you're just saying great. I'm toxying, like Rex Harrison. Yeah, thanks my fair lady. Anyway, so first letter, buckling guys, this one's a little long. Okay. We'll make it longer because we're interrupting.

Greetings, a flop house. Let me be the first to congratulate you on your upcoming 80th anniversary. Thanks, dude. Yes, the privilege for you. Remember you when you first premiered in the fall 1934 season on W.E.A.F. radio. And you're early. But it shows you how how this letter is that it's the 80th anniversary in 2014, which was months ago. Your early rivalry with Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy,

those were the Halcyon days when the show was called American telephone and telegraph theater presents Stan McCoy's The Flop House. Stuart was particularly memorable during those early years as his dulcet tones helped the nation forget the ravages of the Depression. And we dreamed of a better world in which we too could ride high as the capstone of a pyramid of a water-skinned bikini model. The shame that Stuart was fine so many times for saying,

booty-licious. Truly, he was ahead of its time. The 1940s brought the Lop House into the war effort, as Dan called on America each and every fortnight to buy war bonds It was a shame that Ellie was a war bonds It was a shame that Ellie was absent during many of those shows, but when we later learned he was in LA Well, not LA loss out alamos rather we're working on it. I guess you could call that L.A Nobody does but working on the Manhattan

but working on the Manhattan. The United States. Lolloland. It was over in Lolloland, you know, Los Alamos. That's why I get trying to shorten this extremely long letter. And Los Alamos. Oh, you picked the right way to do it by calling the Los Alamos L.A. Working on the Manhattan Project, we knew it was great or good. We were trying to create a drink, a cocktail, so powerful it could blow up Japan.

We didn't, but we created the Manhattan. Elliot was not a scientist, of course. He was brought in to do the first, what would later become Elliot's world-famous movie screenings. After the secrecy was lifted, it was fun to learn that Oppenhier and Feynman were huge movie buffs. I also remember your 20th anniversary television spectacular during a very special episode of the Ed Sullivan show, in which your eager fans finally learned the true stories behind their favorite hosts. Dan McCoy will learn was actually Danforth, Skrillex McAvoy, old money sign of the new port McAvoy in the Los Angeles Skrillex series.

He leveraged his fat- Skrillex. He leveraged his family's best, mournful side-based fortune into America's most popular radio show. It seemed Stuart Wellington was actually born Supret wanted it of Thailand. The last surviving heir to the long-bakewashed kingdom of Atutia, seeing that he had all- See, that might be real history stuff, but the audience is like boring. Give me some fantasy shit.

Tell me something about a space empire. Are they Tiger Men? Seeing that he had already become the coolest dude in the world in the Asia he set off an esteem where the conquer the west taking the american name that sounded only vaguely like his birth name he famously equipped to William Randolph first look at close enough as we all know Elliott has no memory before the time he has found himself prowling the frozen planes of Canada heightened senses tracking the Arctic animals his bone clause itching to

burst forth in the backs of his hands. To this day, he doesn't speak of the secret government project that elases his bones of steel. Well, some nerd. Madtion. Some nerd on the John Stuart show once said they weren't steel. But rather some kind of crazy moon man element. He doesn't know what he's talking about. This TV appearance. I once said, hey, wait a minute. This TV appearance, but of course,

also America's very first glimpse of the Flapphouse House cat, who's shredded onto stage with his grease back hair, insulin blue jeans, and dismissive straw. Insolent blue jeans. Never had a television appearance

caused such an uproar. However, direct-director Nicholas Ray would soon after base the movie, Rebel Without A Cause, the House cat. Rebel Without A Cause, because the house cat was deco odd. And the appearance stuck in the mind of a young Jim Morrison, who would later dedicate

the doors record strange days to him, although Morrison referred to the house cat only as his royal awesomeness. I could go on, but I leave with you this. Mostly I remember the spectacular guest shows from Flop House history, who seal ball, Jackie Gleason, Boris Karloff, Andy Coffman, Carol Burnin Carol Burnett Johnny Carson and my personal favorite a young Michael Caine What are your favorite memories from your illustrious careers? He graduated from your 80 years and here's another 80 Nick last name withheld Thank you. Thanks Nick. That was great. I mean it took 80 years to read the thing. Yeah Wow, it's been a long strange time hasn't it guys and it kind of makes me want to say

Thanks for the memories It's been a long, strange time hasn't it guys? And it kind of makes me want to say, thanks for the memories for Stuart and his pants, for Dan and all those ants for me. And another thing that ends in dance. Thank you so much. We've had a fun time. It's just talking now, Lisa. We have a lot of fun tonight. That had a fun time. It's just talking now. We have a lot of fun tonight.

That's a fun lie. We've committed crimes. Covered ourselves in crime. Have you heard the chimes at midnight? A movie I've never quite gotten around to seeing, but I've heard good things sometimes. Thank you. That actually, that you, that you, that was our old song. I guess we're 100 years old. If this is our idea of anniversary, we're a bunch of Colin Farrell's Peter Lakes, which tales is I got a miracle in me. I like to see it. After the show, I guess.

So this next letter is titled, do you have a miracle in you? Would you like to see it? What? After the show, I guess. So, this next letter is titled. Do you have a miracle in you? Would you like one? This next letter is titled appropriately after that last letter. In case you are in need of a short letter to read on the show, and it goes like this. Ding, ding, ding.

Mm. Yours in Flopship, Sandra last name with held of the clan last name. I feel I feel harassed. Thank you. Thank you. Sandra. You said that weird.

Yeah. I'm not sure if the inflection was what I don't know. I mean, how would you read this? Like, hmm. You were you sounded like more like some have been kidnapped and taped put over their mouths. They were kind of aroused. I don't know. I just read what's on the page.

I think it says, uh, what's I know how you're getting that sound, yeah? You got to make your mouth weird and then just push air out of your lungs. Yeah, how you make that sound. How you look at what's on the page. How do you translate that visual writing?

OK, so Sin Aps has started firing in my old brain box. Laser beams go to my chest where I compress my diaphragm. Laser beams. So I appreciate. I appreciate. I appreciate. I appreciate it. I appreciate keeping that one short. And now here's a letter that's in between those two extremes.

And we're running the gamut tonight. Like this. From long letters to short letters to middle letters. The, the, the, the flab house has got it all popular Asian horror movie between those two extremes. It's an anthology of just one movie. And then you have to imagine what the other two movies were. It goes like this. Hey, dudes.

Hello from one of your fans. Guy, sounds cool. Hello from one of your fans of African American descent. That's right. I said fans a few months ago. I was successfully for the other letters of fans. Dan, what have you been hiding from us? I was successfully able to get my older brother a dictionary to the podcast, more gaslighting than French connection to now I finally have another person you need in film up the heroin

Now I finally have another person to talk to since apparently all my white friends are not nerdy slash black enough to listen to the Flop house Recently I texted my brother excitedly that Stuart mentioned too short on the flop house. He replied, quote, nice. This brings me to the crux of my letter. I was playing a game with my brother to find out which of the hosts we most mistaken for a black man based solely on their main characteristics. I mean, none of us probably. Elliot is the front rudder because of his love of pop-wise. Young black man like myself. That is offensive.

Appreciate pop-wise. For being a sanction of flavor and spices. It is delicious. Elliot obviously gets that. Then there's Dan, most would say the most obviously white guy of the group. But he gets props for his love of OPP or specifically OPP, other people's clothes. He gets it. If the flapper who's most likely to have a subscription to King Magazine. Then Stuart, he is a huge penis.

That's his in. Yay. You don't know that. That's the hearsay from Stuart. It's not like the national penis bureau released its statistics. It's still like, not like traveling, scald, spread the word, the songs of my weeness of your mongindier, or sneaking its way through my brows.

Yeah, the round children, I'll tell you a tale. Of a serpent as large as a whale. Jesus, if I had been, if I had to do over again, I would have started a rumor about my fucking penis at the beginning of the show. Yeah, well, you didn't get, you didn't jump on that when you should have a tour of tale. You know, straight while the penis is hard.

With what a hammer? You learn into a super penis? I don't like that. jump on that when you should. You know, straight while the penis is hard. With what a hammer. You learn to do a straight penis. I don't like that. Because you have a consumption fever that makes you too burning up. You gotta stick your penis in snow. He says, Anyhoo, I say Dan because of anything, it'll make Elliot suspicious of who actually wrote this letter.

Yeah, Dan did. P.S., I really want to win a contest like I make you guys watch Princess Directorial debut, Magnum Opus, Under the Cherry Moon, Let's see what the purple rain peace and love peace and love Julian last name with help. Thanks for writing in Julian. Hey, thanks. Thank you for uh and giving us cred Yep, which stands for thanks for writing a letter that made Dan look at me weird Because they made of think about it. I wouldn't say Yago weird, but a little bit weird.

Do you mean Yago from Athello or Yago from Aladdin? Wait, there's an Yago in Aladdin? Yeah, the little bird that Gilbert got for himself. Jafar's right hand bird, Yago. It's weird, did Shakespeare get it from Aladdin? Yeah. No kidding. Shakespeare's plays are full of references to Disney movies. Okay

and tragedy of Bambalit Do you have Denmark Yeah, this is the last I think it also double is a porn out Seven very short seven very short gentleman of a run seven very short gentlemen of a row. I wonder, have there ever been a porn of Hamlet where instead of stabbing Polonius through the curtain he's just like shoving his dick through the curtain?

Yeah, I mean, probably. Somebody make that. I mean, this is, this is your time to... Yeah, you're leaving money on table. A lot of money. Probably a lot of puns. So this last letter, another short one, dear Elliot. That's me.

Which bus be Berkeley numbers perviest? Bio waterfall or dames? And certainly PJ last name withheld. PS, please recommend more pre-code musicals. Okay. I mean, well, dames is my favorite of those. But bio waterfall, I mean, the girls look neuter. Whereas dames, though, is just about dames. I would say it's in Roman scant. those but by a waterfall I mean the girls look neuter whereas James though is

just about James I would say it's in is it in Roman skit no it's in a fashions of 1934 I think is the number where the women were actually nude in certain shots and just had their hair covering different places but I don't remember the gold diggers in 1933 it's a pretty racy shit it's super racy but i don't know it's a pervy though you know what the pervy is is maybe some of the stuff in uh is it is it in footlight parade the honey mood hotel number i think that's the one where uh we're uh why am i forgetting his name what's the name of the uh

the dwarf actor who was in tons and tons of stuff? I don't know. Kenny Baker. No, not Kenny Baker. Oh wait, Warwick Davis. No, not Warwick Davis. This is frustrating. Well anyway, he is like, I wanna say he like.

He's no cure. It's implied that he just slept with a guy's wife on her honeymoon and he throws something at him as he squirs under the bed or I don't know, you know what? So I clipped from flying down to Rio recently where they had like ladies on the wings of a plane where they're Clearly nipples visible through the Body suits they're wearing. I mean, that's possible. I mean nothing beats the one scene in the movie the hurricane

The John Ford movie where the wind literally just blows a woman's clothes off for a split second and you can see your boobs in the movie in the 30s and you're like, wait, what just happened? Is this screw balls? I'm looking up this name because it's really, oh, Billy Barty, that's not gonna get up. Anyway, the, so nudity of the classic era is the more, I mean, I guess what I'm saying is in the 30s, they got away with a lot more of that stuff Yeah, but a pre-code musicals. I mean, Dames is my favorite of those

We can't go wrong with gold diggers 1933 or the Lullaby Broadway sequence in gold diggers 1935 the rest of movies not so amazing that one sequence which is like 12 minutes long is amazing So now we move on to our final segment of the evening recommendations. Final judgments. No. No. Was this a good bad episode? A bad, bad episode. Jesus. Bad, bad. Really? Anything was that bad? This is the part of the show where we recommend movies that we actually liked that we would recommend that instead of Winner's Tale. And if I go first, I'd like to recommend a movie full of magic, romance and history. It's called Winner's Tale.

Oh, it's our Mr. Colin Farrell, my fave. Colin Firth. It's our Colin Firth and some lady from Downton Abbey, Maggie Smith, I think. And they fall in love in the past. There's a magic horse voiced by Bobcat Goldway. He's named Hot to Try. And he keeps wondering who's Harry from. It doesn't know. Meanwhile, Salacious Grum is like my brother Harry. We run a plumbing business together. Meanwhile, Bronson Pinchot has the second site. So you just got a blame on the bill boy. when Dunston checks it. And there are a couple of loose cannons running around.

In those four rooms. Whether hotel movies are there, sure, for dogs in Rwanda. Oh boy, watch out. There's angels in that outfield. Uh oh, but blame it on Rio. Because the devil's in a blue dress. Feel the dreams.

Rio because the devil's in a blue dress. Feel the dreams. So that last one, I feel like there's a way different pain than the other movies. I guess you're just going to have to go find Oliver in company and throw him in the black cauldron where they'll spend 120 days of Sodom. Inferngolly, the last rainforest. Where you can find baby legend in the lost dinosaur, but nobody puts baby in a corner in the movie, Jerdi Dancing, or as it's also known, Grimey Footloos. There's going to be some Havana Knights, Jerdi Dancing too.

And who can forget Flintstones, Viva Rock Vegas? Where Theodore Rex? Who can forget that? Makes a quick change because he's trapped in paradise where he's finding nothing but trouble with a tale of two kiddies. And he's looking for an ex-it-team. So Destiny turns on the radio. And he gets married to the mob before his honeymoon in Vegas. Where I love you to death. Moonstruck. All dogs go to heaven.

My blue heaven. For Rockadoodle. But that's when Harley Davidson the marble for the air up there do you want a man it's some cool running as ladybugs meets MVP most valuable primate because airbud life on the streets. It's a real it's a real HBO documentary's hookers at the point. Watch out, those BMX bandits. Because they are break into electric Vougalais all the rules This next karate kids full of solar babies

And they're home alone But watch out when space hunter adventures in the friends Buy some space truckers on the ice planet with crawl and some ice to say ice pirates when I said I plan it. Yeah, yeah. It's a real planet terror and planet Hollywood. Okay. That was good. I need that left.

So what are you recommending? Anyway, so this movie is called winners tail. You son of it. It's a story of magic murder. I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to say that I'm going to That was good. I needed that left. So what are you recommending? Ellen. Anyway, so this is what we call winners tail. It's a story of magic, MIRTH mayhem monsters murder and a man and MIR.

So Dan, why don't you go first? Okay. This is not a, I would say this is not a full-throated recommendation. It's a deep throat. But it's a movie I enjoy. So how much of the throat, like half full? Does I have more of a throat half empty time, guy? Oh, boy God, damn. It's just a movie that I had fun watching.

I went out and I saw a Jucker Brain of the Door, you know? Is that so wrong? No, it is. It's a little fun while traveling to this veil of tears. It is a little bit of a check your brain, but I enjoyed. But again, we've talked about this. Keep the ticket. Don't lose it.

I enjoyed Run All Night, the new Liam Neeson actioner. Mostly because it had some good character actors. And in addition to Liam Neeson, you've got Joel Keniman. You've got Ed Harris you've got Vincent Donofrio. It's pronounced cinnamon It's pronounced Don refrio Vincent Don Frio and Common in it. It has a gangster rapper. Common is in the gangster rapper Academy Award winner And for an action movie it takes its time setting up the scenario, but then once the scenario is set up,

I feel like the action moves along like a shot. Like there's very little dead time once the scenario is set in place. Okay. And so it's an old set of not come down movie. Yeah, no, I mean, like you actually, you care about what the what where the characters are When the action starts and

There's some inventive action sequences in particular one that takes place in a high rise of We like a housing project and like dread Yeah like a housing project and like dread. Yeah, it's of the, I got a lot of kind of mixed reviews, but I think that's because there's a bit of a, uh, there's a little bit of a Liam. Saturation action backlash right now. Yeah, but I think it's one of the, it's time for a new elderly action star, Sean Panning, the gunman. He's armed with the truth. It's one of the, it's one of the one of the higher tier Liam Neeson action movies. I would put it up there.

How many wolves does he fist fight? There are no wolves, but just wolves that wear the flesh of men. I enjoyed it. He walked there. There's no discriminals. Oh, okay. I did not, you know, I still probably enjoy something like taking more, but like it's up there with something like nonstop, like a fun show. So you were taken with run all night. I was taken with run all night. I had fun.

It was a silly action movie I enjoyed it. You were Tolkien. What if the movie was called Tolkien and it was an action movie with Liam Neeson as JR Tolkien? Like CS Lewis gets kidnapped and Tolkien has to save him. Oh, I could. In their special club, the men whose names are just initials club. Yeah.

So that's my entirety, my argument. Okay, so who's, Ellie, you know, just name much more movie names. Probably, do you want me to go next? Do you want me to go next? No, I can go next. I'm going to recommend a movie that has been getting a lot of press lately. And I think for a great reason, you should go see it follow. I want to see it.

Because it's fucking scary. I haven't even bothered to see it follows. It follows is great. I mean, I'm just parroting what everybody else is saying, but it's genuinely very scary. Cracker. Go see it in the theaters. The score is wonderful. And it genuinely will make you feel trapped in this terrifying world that the movie creates.

So I don't want to talk about the plot too much, but just go see it. It's scary. It's great. Sounds good. I want to see it. I don't know why you're looking at me, Ellie. You're the only one who hasn't recommended me. We're here handsomed guy. Why not look at you see it. I don't know why you're looking at me. I'll eat you're the only one who hasn't

Recommended me. You're handsome guy. Why not look at you. Thanks. I want to recommend two movies real quick One is a movie I think I've recommended before but I feel like that what we watched tonight was a failed movie That was a fantasy set in America's past I'd like to recommend one of my favorite movies Which is a very successful. I feel fantasy set in America's past, which is The Devil and Daniel Webster, directed by William Dieterley, and starring Edward Arnold and Walter Houston, Walter Houston being, I think, my favorite, ever-screen devil. He's never, like, cackly evil, but he comes off as so sinister, but yet charming, and at the end, he steals a pie. And it's, like, it's the kind of, like, corn cornpone devil in America that is pretty sophisticated,

but he still steals a pie at one point. It's well worth it. It's available on the criterion collection DVD or whatever. So go Netflix it, the devil and Daniel Webster. It's like, it's a movie about American history and kind of creepy ghost stories and there's some funny stuff in it. So it's like they decided to make a movie for me, like 40 years before I was born. The other movie on there. The Burger King Kits Club, it's for you. Yeah, exactly. Which kid am I?

Am I the nerd or the kid in a wheelchair? In the Burger King Kits Club? Not the girl. Yeah, the chubby one. Oh, man. They're all chubby. It's Burger King. Is the kid in the wheelchair named Wheels?

Probably. I remember the nerd was named on his shoe. That's his name. That's his given name his name is wheels wheelings worth The wheelings worth fortune the third my good man the other movie I want to recommend is last episode I recommended a Yugoslavian movie by a doucheon Mackevet Mackevich I know how it's perfect called That was called man is not a bird. I actually watched. I'm not gonna recommend, man is a bird.

The rebuttal from Bird Man. I want to recommend another movie that he made that I saw recently that I liked called Love A Fair or the case of the Missing Switchboard operator, which is, it's about a man and a woman meeting and falling love and starting to build a life together until something terrible happens. But also we know from the beginning that this woman is going to end up dead. And so we're kind of wondering what's going to happen over the whole time. But the movie is less about any sort of suspense than that and more about the moments these two people share. Under the living under the strictures of a communist government but also with us knowing that things are going to end badly and i kinda got from it a thing about how fleeting.

Those moments are you know we all know death weights at the end of them and there's a lot Daniel like it is a fair amount of new to the unit with a very pretty woman. because there's a fair amount of nudity in it with a very pretty woman. Sure. But since we've already seen her be autopsyd earlier in the movie. All right. There's something about it with a whole time. You just, each time you see her, she's beautiful, but it reminds you how fragile she is. Does the director cut between shots of her alive and on the slab? No, he's...

To remind you that she's gonna die? No, he does not, because it is not a stupid movie. But there's some funny stuff in it, but it's also a sad movie. It's just really interestingly put together. And I like to the lot. So the devil and Daniel Webster, if you're looking for a fantasy with a happy ending, love affair or the case of the missing switchboard operator. If you're looking for more of a everyday realism movie, that does have a happy ending. Well guys, that's it. This, this winter's tail is coming to an end. Close up your book, happily, title. I wish this winter would come to an end. It's technically spring and it's

still freezing out. Yeah. So Dan, what do we learn from this winter's tail? Not to listen to people that suggest we watch movies on the internet. Yeah. Yeah, thanks to everybody who suggested we watch this piece of junk. Yeah, forget all that we said about appreciating our listeners for donating to us because like six people said, watch winter's tale and we listened to them and it was a torturous evening. So. But you stayed awake.

Dan stayed awake but at one point he was literally punching himself in on the far ahead. I guess hoping to knock himself out. I just wanted to feel something at that point. Ellie. You were feeling something bored. Yeah, but uh, thank you for joining us Here on the flop house and signing off until next time. Yeah. I've been Dan McCoy That's been Elliott Kalen and over there is to our Wellington saying thanks to the pleasures. Good night, everyone. Winter. A pow.

Well, when you got shops like this, you don't even need to try it anymore. That's the first try. Slammed it off the park. Slam. Don't say slam and salmon. that's what you want to say. You're slammed, Dan. Slam dunk grand slam. Moon over Miami.

Touchdown. Extra points. And David says this is in a sports podcast. Last night, David texted me in all capital letters. Bob McKenzie was at the show last night, and I texted back to him. I do not know who that is. Hehehe.

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