The Flop House - Ep. #178 - 50 Shades of Grey

Episode Date: May 16, 2015

In the words of Homer Simpson, we've got a hankerin' for some spankerin', as we discuss 50 Shades of Grey.  Meanwhile Stuart delivers a eulogy for the rappin' granny, Elliott explains the laziness of British elocution, Dan reveals a porn tale from his past, and we include perhaps our best outtakes ever.Movies recommended in this episode:What We Do in the ShadowsLucyDownhill Racer

On this episode we subject ourselves to the pain house, I'm Dan McCoy. Yeah, we are. We are the flop house and I'm Stuart Wellington. And I complete the trio of flavors known as the flop house, Elliot Kale and the name. The Mia Politan ice cream that is the flop house Elliott Kale in the name of the name. The name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name of the name Strawberry. Strawberry? Strawberry. Strawberry. Strawberry. Okay, I'll take it. Okay, so what do we do on this ice cream based podcast? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then for the enjoyment of your ears, we talk about it. And maybe unless you're one of those people who

listens by putting something against their jaw and feeling a little vibration. Sinisthesia. Or that's not what that means. Perhaps like the people in this movie we watched, you wrap the earbuds tightly around your genitals. I don't remember anyone wrapping the entire music. It's called rap music and it's catching on in a big way. I tried this rap music and I did it. We got a trillions.

Whatever grandma. So this is, wait, it's so, I thought all grandma's were rap and gram. No, the rap and grainy actually passed away recently. There was more than one. I mean, in our hearts, there's only one from Billy Mount. We were, we were going to wait to do an immemorial section, but I guess we'll do it now. Dear rap and grainy, you touched our hearts.

Touched our ears. And occasionally our funny bones, yeah. Um, is that it? That's a whole, is that it? Is that, yeah. I thought that was gonna be some sort of, say that little joke for my eulogy, Dan. And I, as I look at Stuart's body, I just think, is that it?

We don't get more. Is that all there is to a Stuart? Is that all there is? Is a soul like that? I totally want to see Dan. I don't want to see you die, Stuart. But I do want to see Dan's celebrity all-star Eulogy of Stuart Wellington. Or just, he's just standing next to the gas, and he's like, well, who's this to talk to about Stuart?

It's Michael Kane, everybody. I'll told Stuart to blow the bloody doors off. And he just rings down, Brian. By all accounts, Stuart was terrible, but the house that he he paid for was beautiful His jaw's for in this scenario So damn we already got way our threat we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it I watched a little movie called 50 shades of gray

Shades of gray Spank spank spank sounds sex sounds. Let me just tell you how I felt by this movie 50 shades of great It's not how I would describe it Maybe I should have finished that sentence or not phrased it so I would say 50 shades of points and there were 47 At most one of the problems was the lack of shades. It promised a certain number of shades. We didn't see them all. Okay, well, let's get to the meat of this meat pie. Oh, gross.

Now, as we all know, let's skip past the peas and the, I'm guessing some kind of starch. Yeah, like little rust and potatoes. No, yeah, like those little blocks of potatoes, like little potato cubes. Yeah, potato blocks, the toy that kids get potatoes. Yeah, like those little blocks of potatoes, like little potato cubes. Yeah, potato blocks. The toy that kids get.

Back them, back them, put them in a box. Potato blocks. Jack them. Shalacum. Potato blocks. Crack them. The only toy that I can. You can't crack a potato block.

Not on my watch. Potato blocks, the only toy that I can. You're under arrest. He he he he. He he he. What-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he block the only toy that'll be covered in ants in a week. Now everyone knows 50 shades of gray, the the inspiring true story behind it, how a little underdog piece of Twilight SNM fanfiction took the world by storm and became a publishing bestseller. And I think a board ladies across the world to the adventures of spanking of being tied up in spanked

always board i think i think mostly board i think non board ladies already knew about the pleasures of spanking okay well dance making an assumption now i'm making an ass out of you and me which is great because this is all about buts this movie it stands favorite film now dan do you i was gonna going to say, I think the world's reaction to the book can be summed up by my sister's experience. My sister, I remember saying, well, I read the first two books, I didn't like them, but I guess I'll read the third one too. See, I will, I will go one better than that, which was my wife was like, I read the first book,

didn't like it, but it's got to get hot in the second book, right? Read the second book and it was like, okay, well, that's where I stop. They must be saving the hot stuff for book three. Fool me twice. Shame on, I guess the person who wrote 50. Let's say, let's say Jenny Gray. Yeah. Now, and of course, the really hot stuff.

Lady Gray. Lady Gray. Jennifer Gray should not be ashamed of anything, especially her nose. It's it was written by her father, Earl Gray. Oh, no. Okay. It's the British nobility. We were on vacation. I just think we remember my wife being like, okay, so when does it get sexy? It's got to get sexy anymore. But now you were like skip to the end. Well, I think they just like she was like, I mean, she found it like on the last page. It just says, then we did it. The end. The writing was super terrible. But she felt patterned compelling enough they just like she was like, I mean, she found it like on the last page it just says, then we did it. The end.

The writing was super terrible, but she felt it's not compelling enough to just like keep going, but like it never got transgressive in the way that she kind of assumed it would. Mm-hmm, grandma's a badger. I just know, I just never, like, this reputation of it I think is greater than the actual. Well, because here's the thing.

I think it, like you're saying, it was for a lot of people who are very non- Vanilla? Vanilla? Yeah, very vanilla. So far on my flavor. Yeah, very, very, very damnico lives. And not the lives that maybe we follow, which is as sophisticated New York perverts. Yeah.

And we're a bunch of cosmopolitan. Yeah, we're trying to do pans. We have sex with all sorts of pans, cookie pans. Yeah, we usually go to my clubs that are frequented by businessmen and women step on scorpions for our amusement. Yeah, if it's... They pierce them with their high heels.

Yeah, it's just gaseous throwing hedgehogs at each other. Basically, if Chris Claremont would send Storm of the X-Men there, that's where we go in our spirit time. gaseous throwing hedgehogs at each other. Basically, if Chris Claremont would send storm of the X-Men there, that's where we go in our spirit time. Some place where someone will control our mind and force us to dress up in leather and then I guess fight each other. And then we all have really terribly done ethnic accents

from different parts of the world, you know, Cajun Irish. Speaking of great accents, this movie has one in space. So let's, let's on a level to the plot minute, but let's talk about the strengths of Wayne's strengths, but yeah, there's a lot of buzz. There's very bad accent on the main characters part. Yeah, I got to our, our, our, our, also the movie is about as sexy as like a driver's-ed film, but continue. But there's a you know one of our sister podcasts on the Max Bun network. Jordan Jesse Goh actually has talked a lot about how the the accent that

European people put on when they try and do an American accent and this kind of their version of the L.O. Gov. O. O. that we do in which I think English. And this film has a doozy because Christian Grey is an Irishman who's trying to sound American and he would say that he would talk kind of like this. This is the way he talks. He's very, he's very American. It's similar to in the Monty Python episodes whenever they're playing American characters. They would over-enunciate all their ours and other letters at the end of words. And I remember watching that as a teenager,

and be like, oh, that's what we sound like to British people. We're just over-enunciating the shit out of all of our letters. It's weird because I would assume that the Brits are the over-enunciate tours. Except at the ends of their words, they don't. Yeah. The letter R and the word by the end of the word. They get bored by the end of the word. they don't. Like the letter R and the word, they must never say. Yeah.

I know where the sentence is headed. We all know what this word sounds like. Let's just cut to the chase. Save a little time. Yeah, we're so busy over here. It's how we can stop for tea every day. We have to. There's scones that need to be buttered and marmalade.

Speaking of buttered, Dan, so, which way do I get my Dan's camera bust? Five butts. Five butts. Five butts. I was. Look, as someone who enjoyed the ass someone, someone who enjoyed the sitcom Ben and Kate.

As someone who enjoyed the sitcom Butt House. And thought that. I think you've buts just trying to make it in the big city. Dakota Johnson was very charming and Ben and Kate, I was like, yeah, sure. I enjoy that. Her butt is is on this in this movie and boy is there a lot of it and there's one scene in particular that I find a Trip to South Dakota That's her butt That's what's labeled as on the map

You get the Pulitzer prize for butt jokes I guess I'll dedicate this to Dan. Thank you. Dan was the favorite, too. That's the thing. You pulled through in the end. Yeah, you know. I'm more of an aficionado than, like,

I respect it too much to make light of this. I see. There's one scene shot in the movie where, where the main, Anastasia, the main Dakota John is character. Anastasia Steel. Anastasia Steel is tied up and about to be hit with like a riding frog. She's got to be hit on the butt with the right hop. And the way the shot is framed her butt is enormous. And Christian Gray is in the somewhat background. It's very force perspective. And it looks like a tiny man is being confronted by a giant butt.

It's supposed to be sexy, but it seems like something in a Terry Gillian movie. It seems like a guy now. I might die someday. Yeah, like this is the kind of force percent that you used to make. It's gonna start blowing like a smoked fucking airship or something.

We're just like a tiny spaceship with land on it, you know. Anyway, it gives a whole new meaning to the word moon. Anyway, moving on. So let's talk, tell the story of this sexual tale, sexual sex. It's surprisingly, this was an over two hour movie, yet there's not a lot of story in it. So Anastasia Steele is your normal, little mature student. Mousy college student.

Kind of a Mousy brown haired college student, and her roommate, never been kissed. Yep, yep. And my kiss, I mean, pocked. But no, she's a virgin in this before she engages in all,

all a manner of the event sexual. Yeah, well, it's her very innocence that probably attracts the sexual predator known as Christian Gray. Because you see her roommate Kate, who is supposed to interview the 27 year old billionaire Christian Gray, or I assume he was a billionaire, he's just supposed to be like, he's one of

those wealthy businessmen. Let's say Zillionaire. Okay. And leave it at that. He's got Zillions of dollars. He's one of those wealthy businessmen and movies who can just buy whatever. Like, he, it's never quite clear what he does for a living But he has any all the money he needs at any moment

I mean that's I think the way like truly rich people are though. I mean like thinking about whatever I think that's weird. No, but it would have been nice to get some sense of like what he does Yeah, just being in bit is like she's a rich guy. I like dance just it He probably invented masturbation and is making millions of dollars I've gotten a patent on masturbation and whoever masturbates when it's like the lot, you know kick him back if you bust It made me think of the a few bucks Every time are you saying it's not worth it Stewart? I mean, I guess I'm not very good Maybe maybe I'll watch this movie. I don't know.

You're doing very good. I've been watching you and I'd like to take you under my wing. Okay. Come into my play room. It's a place where we can masturbate. Are you saying you're... I'll do it.

As long as I don't have to sign some super long contract. No, the contract is necessary. Oh, man. Because we need to have rules about when we can look at each other, not while we're masturbating. Oh, I'm glad to do that. Also, who can borrow who's magazines and videotapes? I like that.

Okay, but when I'm borrow, I'm going to give it back to you, paused right at the moment when I finished so you're going to know exactly what I'm into. That's totally okay. That's a joke from our mutual friend Bill Hickey, who I believe based that off the kiss of the same name. Me giving him back a porn movie. And that would have not of the same thing. Me giving him back a porn movie. And that had not been rewound. I'm so enue, exactly.

That's exactly what I seem to take off my fancy. But it was one of the dialogue scenes. I like the idea that- Now what was that movie, Dan? I remember- He was called- He was Jane Bond 0069. That is what it is.

First stuff. That is exactly what it is, I don't know. But- I'm familiar with that one. I like the idea. That was the scene. I don't want to get into it. It might have been seen with odd joint, but I'm not sure.

That's the Irish Cabby who early on seems to have some kind of rubber thing on the end of his penis, but as soon as they actually start having sex, that rubber thing is gone. Now we've said more about the plot of this James von Porn you watched what 20 years ago. Yeah. Then, then this movie. So let's just talk about a little more. So she goes to her roommate is sick who can't interview this wealthy entrepreneur.

So she goes and there is an instant sexual attraction between the two that is noticeably unnoticed by the viewer of the movie. I mean, it's noticeable because she bites her lip of a fucking. She does that all the fucking time. But her dentist has got to be going crazy. I mean, this might be like a version of deep throat where her clitoris instead of being in her throat

is on her lip. She just keeps biting it. This movie is so listless. I assume she just keeps biting her lip to stay awake. Like the way you would like, you know, like pinch yourself, it's just like, oh, I gotta make my way through this scene. I'll just bite my lip real hard. But she does, that's her main way of expressing a rousal

is by biting her lip. Or by like slamming a pencil that says gray on it up against that lip. Yeah. A pillowy, a nookie-like lip she has. Now, Christian takes an interest in her and follows her to a place of work, a hardware store, emphasis on the hard in our layer.

And he says, okay, you know what, let's get together and I'll do a photo shoot for the article you wrote about me. And then he invites her out, they have coffee and they talk about how she reads books. He sends her a gift, first edition copy of Tessa. He really? Riverville's.

No, alas. But that does mean that we've seen two movies now where a guy tries to win over a girl by giving her first edition of a book. What do you think? Is that a new trend in Hollywood? Look, man. Girls like books, man.

I'll allow it. Like if we're thinking that a literary is the new sexy guys. Yeah. Thanks. Game of roads. Let's do it. I mean, we're all we all like books. Yeah, I guess we're all nerd lingers.

We are nerd lingers. The department store that sells nerds after gimbals went out of business across the street. Yeah, gumballs. Well, we sell his gumballs here Why don't we rent out the entire Woolworth building? We saw the M&M store and we thought that that business model's got to work Turns out doesn't Terrible. I mean, it's a high-street location. They expect to lose money, but to raise the the M&M brand, right?

Well, no, they sell tigers and other endangered animals out the back. Those gum balls are actually a lost leader for the LCD televisions. So, in the back, gum balls get them inside, but the TV is the money maker. It's just a lost leader for the LCD sound systems that they sell in the back. And the Miami Sound machines.

That is a contemporary music reference from LA Kaelin, everybody. That's right. I write it down, write it down in the bag. And the Miami Sound Machine. That is a contemporary music reference from LA Kailin, everybody. That's right. I write it down, write it down in the journal. I did it, everybody. So Anna goes out on a date with her friend Kate and drinks too much, calls Christian and is kind of a jerk to him,

which he is totally intrigued by. He tracks her to the bar, she's at. Never had a, I have never had a girl be a jerk to me. That's kind of what he sounds like. And as an American man, I don't understand this experience. She throws up in front of him, then passes out. She wakes up and he's like, no, no, no, save your throw up for my chest hair. That is a waste. He's becoming the sweetest chef over time. Like, and how much?

I am a wild and crazy guy. How much better would this movie have been if it was in the sweetest chef? It was called 50 Shades, 50 Shaps, so great. Or 50 Swedes of Chef. Oh, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts, it hurts.

He's just making it with specialists. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. He's just spanking it with specialists. It's just, it's clearly just Jim Henson's hands, I'm rating the hands of the chef. I mean, I read that Hanson biography. He was a lady killer. Yeah. And then he murdered seven ladies. They called it the Muppet Murders.

But I also like what we've discovered, which is that Irish guy trying to do American action equals Swedish accent. It has a little bit of accent math for you. Send it to the Journal of Accent Mathematics or JAMA. So they start dating now on a number. So they kind of start dating besties. It finds she finds she wakes them in his hotel room and he says, no, we didn't do anything last night. They start dating now and I remember they start dating besties. It's fine She finds she wakes them in his hotel room and he says no, we didn't do anything last night

I didn't sleep here. I don't sleep in good beds with girls and then there's all this It constantly everything There's T.M.F. going on here too much farting maybe it's because after making love I always feed that feed the woman I'm with a full bean dinner For energy to regain the energy they just lost you've lost your precious bodily fluids I take a gain-rate bottle empty half of it fill it with beans Beans and shake it up. I call it bean raid beans

Kim sheen Brussels It's it gives you the post sex electrolytes you need. It's pretty little spiraling on top and add a little almond milk. And I have a dual strike. No, not it's not. It's a it's basically like a kelp dust. Then I then I give you an ad massage to really get the gas working out. Anyway, it's at that point that I learned that spanking is kind of like a fart release valve. So anyway, long story short, I don't sleep in beds with girls.

Christian Gray has been kind of, they've been doing a lot of what I would call non-Uendo, which is like, it's supposed to be double on tonnours in a new window, but it just comes off as stupid. And then he tells her something like about how like, if she was his, he'd have control over her and then he bites you. He takes a bite out of the piece of toast she's holding in her hands.

Like, is this you wouldn't be able to sit down or something? Oh yeah, that's what it says. If he had had sex with her, she wouldn't be able to sit down. Because we've seen the trailer and we're like, he means spanking or something. And it's like, but stuff. Yeah, probably the buttest of stuff.

The most butt stuff. It's. So they start going out and he reveals to her that he has a room full of like whips and stuff and harnesses and clamps and like. Yeah, which as he said, it looks like a weird like museum of stuff. Yeah, it's an evidence dungeon without the evidence.

Yeah, speaking of evidence, like I was hoping there was gonna be like a bunch of pictures of Nikki Minaj or like other butt models. That's it, he's got this. That was she is a butt model. Is that actually Rose? I said other butt models. she is a butt model. Is that actually rose? I said other

But she was a recording artist You know that famous butt model J. Lo I mean she probably could be if she wanted to I'm aware that that's within her power But there's not a girl like six on blossom. She was a butt mom right? No, I know what that means. No, this is she Mom was it became it was six on blossom the girl who became six the man who was Thursday the girl became six no later in life she was a butt model for butt focused magazines like what magazines are those be like fancy king magazine. I think it was king booties national but graphic

cheeks with a Z yeah Split-hams stop please I thought this was a foodie magazine I bought it in whole foods after all Whole foods is a surprisingly large pour in selection. All soft core. Okay.

Come on, this is all whole some foods. Yeah, very tasteful. The freshest produce and the freshest software porn magazines. Hey, like sexy ladies, but are afraid of nipples, pick up maximum. Like grape taste in food and your pornography come down to Whole Foods we spell whole without the W though this is the gross we're like so yet oh yeah

we are already are explicit rating I think everyone assumed that they saw the title we're like people say people saw it on their downloads and they're like gross they like skip delete mark is played like They saw the title. Yeah, like if people saw it on their downloads and they're like gross. They were like, skip, delete, mark his plate. No, they're like, all right, I'm going to save this one till midnight. Yep. The witching owl. The witching owl.

The witching owl. All alone in my bed. Yep. Just me and three dudes. Just me being sad. Now, they start, he shows her his, his playroom where he has all this stuff. And he says, I wanna start seeing you, but first you have to sign a non-discordial agreement.

You can't tell anybody about this and it puts limits on what we can do in the bedroom. And she reveals she's virgin. And so he... Which drives him crazy. Which drives him mad with lust. He kindly... Because she did not stop. She did not stop.

She had regular sex one time. Because she would not stop for sex. He kindly stopped for her. It's that kindly there. Yeah. I'm. Lee. Did you just try to make a sexy word out of it?

Richard. Kind. But the point is he was like, Oh, okay, you're a virgin. Let's do it regular style at least once. Yeah. Just so you know what it is. So you know how freaky the stuff I'm going to do. You know the baseline. Yeah. Otherwise, you could have just tricked her. He could have been like, oh, yeah, this stuff, this is normal. This is normal. This is just sexy. It's like raising your kids to think salt's, and pepper is salt. So they go to their friends house. What kind of weird dog truth experiment is that? Why would you do that?

It's hilarious. Doesn't make any sense. You should never have children. Well, you know, after the accident, I don't think I can have children. Oh, right. The accident. Yeah, the visa scam or radiation blasted my ball. That's why you now have the incredible hot balls.

Don't make me angry. My balls will kill you. Your balls are wearing these purple pants. And then shred and shoot. They are adorable ball joints. I bought them on Etsy. Sadly, they get destroyed every time I get angry. And because they're handmade on Etsy,

they cost $55 a pair. But they're very small. They're, I'm very popular when I wear them around. Oh, I'm going to say. Yeah. So, It's full.

So they have sex regular style for the first time. And she is enamored of it. She's loving it. But she decided to play hard to get. And they have the one funny scene in this movie, where, and this is where I'm gonna take a moment for my student to talk about, it was surprised me to see the credits

as the movie started that Danny Elfman did the score for this, and it is Danny Elfman at his least inspired. And I love Danny Elfman's classic scores. Feel the juice. Nope, tells the crib, Batman, even his theme for perversions of science, I think is a, is a fun Danny Alfonsohn, who's big adventure. He's one of the top movie scorists, as far as I'm material, he's right up there with

like in the O'Marcona and Bernard Hermann and those guys. But, he- Hands-low battle of mentee. Marco Beltrani. All your favorite talents. And, but this is the lazy score. And they're, but they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're little, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're little, they're, they're, they're little, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're little store and there but they're Then he love money close by Danny Elf money

This famous red headed Italians daddy Elfman suits provided by Jenna Elfman She just drives them over he doesn't know what I'm provided about. I'm going to go bungalow. All right. So there's a part during this. There's a scene where she is act she treats their negotiation over their sex contract like a business meeting and the music is like. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Yeah, it's my wild here. Okay, then what about this one about this one? How's the Millennium theme song go? How does Harsh Realm go? It's gotta be. How does the VR5 theme go?

No, but this is genuinely. At least, above and beyond theme go. This fits a sign. Anyway, this is actually. This is actually. This fits a sign, Phil. I'm kidding. What's fits of sign. Anyway, this is a, this is actually the fits of sign fell. I don't know what you mean. What's with all these miss vets?

We know the government running after us. I guess this is genuinely funny scene though because this is her being like, all right, Clause four, anal fisting. We're gonna strike that out. It's like, okay, and it's like,

what about vaginal fisting? Definitely not. It's like, okay, and it's like, what about vaginal fisting? Definitely not. She's like section three, genital clamps removed. Yeah, and it's like a funny scene. It's clever. It's no night at the opera contract scene. No, but if you're gonna do like...

There's no sex at the claws, that's what he was saying. If you're gonna do like this bondage, like this bondage sex movement, like I think a little like levity, like a little enjoyment of it. Sure. Like it's funny. Well people forget the most a Rajnaz zone

is the funny bone. I mean, I don't think that's true. It acknowledges. Well penis, scum, like funny bone. It acknowledges that there's something inherently funny about having to like negotiate these different like sexual things. And like a genuinely sexy movie about a dominant submissive relationship,

secretary, is a funny movie too. It's got a lot of humor. There's a broad... Leave it to comedian James Spader to bring the last... James Spader and Maggie G. Hall. But that movie recognizes that even if something tittle leads you, there's something absurd and ridiculous about what sexuality is just. Sexuality. But, it's genuinely silly.

If nobody's laughing, you're not doing it right. Yeah. I told my parents. Well, they were having sex. When you were sex coaches, no? So, I think sex coaches. They hired a sex. You've You've got like a timer on your neck. And the sex of some reason. I like it. It's one of two scenarios. You have a sex of one so you can set the mood. Yeah. Yeah. That two one of two

scenarios either you set them down. You're like, mom, dad, I noticed something's not working. We got to get your game up or they hired a sex coach. My son glasses on. They hired a sex coach through Craigslist and you showed up and it was like, well, I'm a professional. Let's just do this thing. Yeah, to pretend I was somebody else. I put on a fake moustache. Yeah, you called yourself a goot booington.

Like that's a terrifying last name. It's also a ghost. And like my parents were ghosts. I don't. I'm a ghost American. I don't wanna get too much in general. So, what are we saying? That there's something absurd about the way people act when they're having sex, what turns them on the land. So, I guess that this movie, for the most part, does not.

And it's like, it even gets gets that. Yeah. Polarious. It's less, it's a less sexy movie as a result of being so like super serious. Well, what are you gonna say? You don't want to what? Well, but I also, I would say that like, I don't want to get it, like, I don't want to get too deep into like the politics of

your in two. I don't want to get in two days. Fifty shades. There's no turning back now. Yeah, but I, there's, there's controversy over fifty shades of gray, uh, from a number of sources, like from some people who are like bondage people who are angry that this, uh,

stupid book has been used as a bondage handbook, like when it should not be because it's obviously not for that or where, whether where treats bondage and S&M as a pathology That has to be cured which is not that it's that Christian has Psychological problem, but also like there's you know like people have problems with the idea that like this woman has to sign this contract and that You know like there's like there's feminist feminists critiques of this even though this was a largely like feminist or not feminist but largely female like Sensation as erotica, but I will say that like this is one of the few scenes in the movie where like the female character shows her own agency where she's like

The Anestille agency. I will not do this thing this thing. I'm into, but let's strike this thing. Well, it's all that like she is showing, I am entering into this as a conceptual partner. As an equal, like, consensual partner. Yeah, and you have a hold over me, but the game we're playing is that you have a hold over me. I have a hold over you and that I am providing to you. Yeah, I'm allowing you to be one. The thing you want. Yeah, and that the only, the fun of this is that it is a fake temporary thing that I'm agreeing to.

And that later on when she says that, anyway, they have entered this relationship and they do that. They hit a huge amount and they have sex and like, they go on a glider trip and a helicopter trip. The longest glider trip. Half the movie is them, is him hitting her with riding crops. And the other half is them in different forms of aviation Just like flying around and visiting each other's parents. Like shots of them smiling in a glider

So but by the end of it She's like she's mad at him because he's not going as far as he wants to go and he finally does and he's just hitting her so hard And she doesn't enjoy it and it ruins their relationship until the cliffhanger ending. But it's like that it's fun for her and that is this, that this is a fake game. If she was actually at the mercy of a man who was hurting her, it's not, there's no pleasure for her in that. And I didn't read the books because mostly, not because I was not watching.

Yeah, you know, he's a busy man, professional. Yeah, I'm, yep, look, if he's gonna get through Dan to drag Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the books, even though they were written by a female author, were much less sort of like sensitive to that distinction, and maybe that the movie corrected a little bit in terms of making them a little more equal. There's a lot of this movie, though, that just comes down to a matter from Mars, women, or for Venus type things.

He doesn't want to get emotionally involved involved and she wants more of a regular relationship and like that's the tension in the movie. And like he wants to spank her, she wants to dance also. Yeah. Like you could tell when she's spanked her like she's turned on but she'd really rather watch top chef with him while eating a pint of ice cream. Yeah. And he wants to wear sweatpants but only.

No. He only wears. He only wears weird fucking cutoff jeans are like fucked up jeans We're no underpants. Of course not. He wants to feel the denim against his So we can see the like the root of his penis once Yep There's not really like a nudity parody No, oh no, of course. Well, it's the same way that we see his butt a couple times It's similar to on the show the Americans, which is a great show that I love.

There's a scene where Carrie Russell and the actor plays The Mail Lead. I was forget his name. Matthew Reese. Matthew, let's just say, let's just say John. John's the Reese. So John the Reese Davis and Carrie Russell, they have a sex scene and the next scene is he is still fully clothed, but like his pants are undone. She is fully nude lying on the bed with her on her belly,

just completely naked. And it's such a... I do it in Russia, dude. Because it was such a startling moment of like, we know our fans are not interested in as much as seeing the naked guys and the naked ladies. So we're just gonna go in there. Well, that's us.

Sex has you. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. Jack off smearing off the. The guy who checks off into vodka. He's Russia's number one most wanted criminal. We must find this man who has solid our national in Russia. Well, you know, I mean, they do. Yeah, they want to steal find this man who has solid our national. In Russia, our criminals want you. I mean, they do.

Yeah, they want to steal from you. If vodka you drink is cloudy at all, please return to factory. I so report, report the point of purchase. So we will know that Jacob Smirnov has probably been in the area. All points bulletin. Jack of Smirnoff siding in, we believe he has resettled to Branson, Missouri. Sands we're in Russian accent. Yeah, Jack of Smirnoffs try briefly, Broadway show, but not

not interested. No, not to say wanted. No one in Russia to pay 60 dollars to see man jack off into Blood car in Russia Calcutta. Oh you So do you think the what do you think? Christian Gray buys all the sex toys shit through like a International male catalog or is there like a salesman and a store? It probably goes to Macy's and gets it.

He's so excited. This is biggest customer ever since. I mean, I don't know where you buy that. You mean, there's sex shops all over New York. I guess that's where you'd buy. That's yeah, but he's probably got like a specialty one where there's one salesman. His chauffeur to go buy him like he sends his chauffeur to go buy or some clothes at one point and to go have sex with her roommate.

That's his brother. Okay. That's a show for his show for his brother They have a weird dynamic. Okay He lost a bet to him and that's so for forever You get to be the billionaire. I get to be the show for a fine Because brother's a genie and he tricked him by rubbing his bottle Backwards three times. Which, wait, I don't understand. If you rub it backwards, it makes a genie your surface.

No, that happens anyway. That's what a genie does. But if you do it right, they, if you ask for more wishes, it just sucks the genie back in. But what is backwards? There's no, like there's an arrow pointing the way to rub the lamp. You're in frontwards, that way. It does towards the spout. But what is backwards? There's no like there's an arrow pointing the way to rub the lamp. You're in frontwards. That way.

It does towards the spout. You got to do it both ways that your hand gets back to where it was to rub forward again. Yeah, you won't get enough friction to go so it's cheesy. This is genius rubbing one to one. You're jacking the genius out of there. Look, I give it. I guess that's what Christine Aguilar was saying. If you want to be with her You got the right way it means Side words not top words I wish that it's not like around the spout that'd be weird. I wish that

Using it just teasing the Jimmy land I mean that sounds pretty good. That's not it. Let me understand, there's always that lid at the top. Just open that up. Enough with the lamp rubbing. Just open it and let him out. Oh, no.

So anyway, they break up, basically. She's horrified by the punishment that she gives her. And they break up, but they, it's clear they should. And what is he, Punisher? It's clear they still look like the star of the movie at Silent Night Deadly, not a girl out six times. Real hard though.

Well, he, he, he does, he holds a punisher on him on her and brings her into a one man war against the mob. I mean, that's a thing. Like the sex in this movie is certainly not particularly transgressive at all through most of the movie. And then when it's supposed to get super like crazy at the end,

it's just him like, he goes down on a dude like slightly harder than before. Yeah. Before when he pulls out the cat a nine tails. Well, that's what I reject. So the nine tails to you. Nothing to see here. Just hitting you with a cat a nine tails. This is for taking double rations a girl. I'm just saying, this movie is gonna be a sex movie. Let's fucking do it. Let's fucking do it. It is too intense, Dan.

Let's do it. Let's go all that. I mean, it's like a sex movie and that they have like songs with singing in every sex movie. Every, as I'm saying, you guys are watching. And wider scene. All the soundtrack feels like a 17-year-old girl made like a This is the music I'm gonna listen to when I have sex with my boyfriend mix and it's all songs that are like vaguely like rnb sexy or like adult contemporary music sexy

Return to innocence Games Wait no, you're, you're combining foolish games by Joel with Wicked Game by Chris Isaac. Yeah, it's a mashup for a teenage girl that's X2. Yeah, we great though, if she's... For me to poop on. She's about...

No. The, the, she's, they're about to have... I mashed up these two songs, we were about to mash our genitals up together She puts it in her contract that uh that she controls the music So as he's about he's like tying her up. He's addressing her, but they're listening to like jewel These hands are small. I know I went to see the doctor up Me

I almost once a was a cornflake girl thought there was a real solution. Yep. Is it all? And I say, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a bitch. I'm a chal- I'm a chal- I'm a fool. It's like her, it's like her, it's like her new sophomore year in college power mix. Yeah. Earth becomes white now. For all the listeners, we're aware that guy music is stupid too. Yeah, but we like it. So, um, so, so, so, hardest to learn was the least complicated.

Buh, buh, buh, buh. He's like, all right, I got to stop. Well, you know, forget it. I cannot do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't? Forget it. I cannot do it. I'm listening to the Indigo girls. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, but uh, but uh, but at least a lobe song is about to come on. That'll be okay. Right? Nope. Yes, sir. I didn't even see a mad player in that room.

I mean, it means it's probably hidden. He's very wealthy. Oh, yeah. He has a whole sound system there. So, uh, time to move on to final judgments on this movie. I feel like we haven't gotten across how totally dull the movie was. It's gonna work on us. How snorfing it was. Multiple sex movies. Involved us all looking at our phones.

Not a pornography or anything, just like Twitter. No. Whatever. Whatever was not the movie. I think I have never felt less interested in watching people have sex than I have in watching this movie. I'm going to say, like, and there's a lot of reason.

And you've seen your parents have sex. And they were very good at it. That's the thing. They made a show. They put on a show. That's, they had a sense of, there's an audience here. Let's make it worth their while. It was verve.

What are you going to say? No, I was going to. Yeah, the band verve was there. Is that a band? I'm going to talk about whether this was a good bad movie, a bad movie or movie we kind of liked. And I honestly, the cat is really one of the things for me. I honestly, the cat's like, I liked it.

I honestly feel like this exists beyond our catacartization because I wasn't, I was not bored necessarily because it was about sex, but I was not amused enough to make it a bad, bad movie, but I did not like it enough to recommend it. Yeah, it's why I was barely bored by it. Not good. There was certainly a large chunk of movie and where. I would say certainly less bored during the sex scenes, but still pretty bored.

There's a large chunk near the end where you're like, what's, why is this still a movie? Yeah. It feels very much like there's somebody lot in the movie. Well, it feels like somebody knew they were not going to tell an entire story, so they're like, we're just going to give you a little, we're going to give you a taste of this shit.

Yeah, and also, but that they're, they knew, it's like they knew while they're making it, we don't, these stars have no chemistry. Well, they hate, they hate each other, they seem to hate being in the movie but something like like uh... shan young and has afforded hate each other and bladerunner still has a sense of attraction between the two of them you know what the uh...

the mean they're both sexual bots or whatever but uh... the that let me unrevealed it too much about about more than i've seen yeah no there's this there's a cinemax show. I think it's the one called Best Sex Ever. And where the woman takes radio callins.

And there's a scene where this, and people supposed to call it and tell their stories and it's hilarious because like, I guess they're just describing sex that they had. But there's one that starts with, the story opens with two women having sex in a bathroom. And then the host goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't just start there, start from the beginning. And they start the story opens with two women having sex in a bathroom. And then the host goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't just start there, start from the beginning,

and they start the story. And the moment when you didn't know how those women got to that point had more suspense in it than this whole movie. Like this professional will be less suspense than the opening moments of like a cinemax TV show. By the way, I like this. Smash cut. Smash cut too.

Ancient Rome. I like that. By the way, Stuart your course light has a legend around the top of it that says the silver bullet, the world's most refreshing can. I wish he could use it and had a real legend around the top of it. Like about a guy who stole gold from the legend. It was a legend of Alan Ruck. He's everywhere, even on Cores' cans. Who do you think tapped the Ruckies? Um, what do you say about this movie? Oh wait, it's Final Judgments. Yeah, Final Judgments.

Yeah. Final Lunchments. Oh no, I guess it's bad, man. It's hard to say. You never got a wreck, just what you're saying. Uh, I wouldn't go that far. Danny Elfman was involved. What do you think Dan? No I said, okay, LA, what's your judgment? I found it very dull. So Stuart Epstein's. So yeah, so it's an Ed's Danins. Hi, I'm Justin McAroy.

I'm Travis McAroy. I'm Griffin McAroy. We're brothers and we host podcast called The Brother Me. It's a comedy advice show. And if you like podcasting, when I see you, you can just sit on it right now. You got to come see us live at the Pacific Northwest area of America. And also Canada? Yeah, we're coming to Portland, we're coming to Seattle, we're coming to Vancouver, we're

going to be there August 28th, 29th and 30th. I want to buy Port, tickets to Portland show. Tough, they're sold out, pretty good, pretty good, advertising so far. But there are tickets still available for the Seattle show and for the Vancouver show if you go to bit.ly4d slash mbmbm Seattle and bit.ly4d slash van mbmbam tickets are still available there. They are assigned seating and are going fast so don't miss your chance to get them go right now. Go do it, don't wait. And also the medical history podcast I do with my wife Solban, another next fun show, is gonna be there as well. It's a big show.

It's gonna be a huge show full of fun, full of excitement. You won't wanna miss it. Gosh, we hope you've heard of our shows before. Of course. Or else this is just very weird for you. We're brothers, we're experts. And we're live, baby. Hey, you like t-shirts, right?

How about a mug? Are your walls looking a little bare? Visit maxfunstore.com and cover all of these bases and more. We just added some amazing new shirts and posters. So visit today and outfit your home and torso with the freshest maxfunmerch. Maxfunstore.com. We do have a... Sponsor.

Sponsor. Sponsor. For the program. And that is Squarespace. And that is 50 Shades of Grey, uh-oh. The Fluff House is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace. Squarespace.

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Squarespace build it beautiful. Now, Dan, what does it say that I was more turned on just now, thinking about the possibilities of getting a domain name from Squarespace and sitting on the website that I was watching 50 shades of gray. You're a genuine purge. That's what it says. Just like the so much potential there, so much potential. For my like a blank sheet of gray paper.

Yeah, so many shades of possibility. You know what? I look at Squarespace and yeah, I think I'm like the artist at the end of Sunday in the park with George, so many possibilities. So, it's time for letters. It's the first space. Letters from listeners. And this first letter has a right into the letters. It's first. Letters from listeners. And this first letter has a.

Right into the letters. What? Has a title. Right in there. What would we do before we got the letters? Stop probably, stop. There's nothing I can make of.

Stop teasing it. This first letter. Yeah, everyone. It's letters time. Sexy this time. Sexy letters time. Spank in a letter. No. It's kind of weird. It's paper. Sexy this time sexy letters time spanking a letter

It's kind of weird. It's paper so it gives really easily But try it do you like it? You don't oh Paper cut that's got a hurt. Don't touch any salt. That'll make it hurt worse Unless you're into that I'm not personally, but maybe you are. Write us about it in your letter. Like one of those R Kelly joints. You mean a goose bump? Oh, right, down the side. R Kelly's goose bumps.

Don't look in the closet, because R Kelly's there. Scary. R Kelly and R LL starring finally worked together. They've been looking for a project and for a long time to work together on. All right, that game was called a song. A song by Nick.

A song by Nick. Letters for sex. Sex for letters. Have you had sex with a letter lately? All right. You can't have sex without, yes, he has. And those are letters. That's enough, okay. This first.E. X. And those are letters.

This first letter is brought to you by sex. This first letter. Also, all people in the world brought to you by sex. At the beginning. You need it to make people. At the beginning of this letter, it says, brace yourselves. It says, please read on or before March 2nd, 2015.

Oh, Dan, did someone die because of your negligence? Is this letter bad? Are we going to get sick after we read it? We had a backlog of so many letters. I apologize to this listener. We're not reading it on or before March 2nd 2015. I have three weeks to live. No, but here we go.

Here we go. Let's try and make it up to them. Dear floppers, I'm writing this letter in honor of my second wedding anniversary to my lovely wife, Bethany. I practically forced her to become a flop house fan in her first year of marriage. In a 50 shades of great type situation. And thanks to Stockholm syndrome, she now loves the show. Her favorite cast member is Elliot. And her favorite part of the show

is always the letter jingle. There you go. Elliot, if Dan is already screwing this letter up, double screwed it up by reading it too late. Yep. Then can you sing a, can you sing a jingle about my wife as part of my gift to her? Here's some info for the jingle.

She's a personal trainer with a great caboose, so hands off Dan. She loves her cat and dog, and her favorite band is Holland Oats. Hands off Dan is another nickname for Dan to keep his laugh and have hands. He does. Books.

Chris last name without PS Stewart is great. So this is their wedding anniversary? Well, wasn't, and on and before March 2nd. Happy belated anniversary Bethany sorry missed you blame it on Dan Dan was too busy thinking about Cabooses on mousse's I've heard things that are about you Like for instance tell me again. She loves it our cat and dog and her favorite band is Hall and notes loves our cat and dog and her favorite band is Holol Holol and Dotes give them your votes in the best band

election and Dan has an erection the ginn of cabooses but hands off Dan she's married two years as of March. So congratulations. Sorry. Sorry. I sell you your wedding anniversary jingle with talk of Dan's erection. And sorry I buried this letter You mean, you know, it's a couple of me months later. It's not it's he could be worse Oh, yeah, I mean if you gave your wife an anniversary better for worse three months late who you know She'd be totally okay with it

So basically your best excuse is that you wanted to make a letter Kim Chi And so you buried this underground for months until it's right. That's what fermented. It's fermented. Bethany, we're sorry. We missed you. Him. Hope that your husband kissed you on your anniversary with him and you and me. All right. You were there.

Uh, I've been according to the song. Yeah. Yeah. I have no memory of it. So probably because of project X. The next letter goes like this, I am writing in response to your query regarding the rights to a certain Mr. The Cryptkeeper. My fiance is the granddaughter of William Gaines of EC Comics and creator of Tales of the Cryptkeeper. Whoa. I think that once were married, that technically

makes her my legal property. So I'm sure I'll just automatically get the rights to the comic book version of the Cryptkeeper. I was thinking we could cast the Vaultkeeper and the old witchers alongside him. Hmm, maybe we need a fourth run out of the main cast. How about the Cryptkeeper's less attractive, less charismatic brother? He can keep his Dan Cryptkeeper. He can keep his disgruntled cab driver persona. Sounds perfect. I know, right? I think that they should be single. I'm still looking for love in their Twilight years. We'll call it

the Golden Goals. It can't mess. All I ask is an executive producer, credit on it, a job as writer on Radio Zork. Sincerely, been lasting with help. Yes, my 18 month old nephew wanted to investigate the curious figure in the corner of my fiance's parents basement. But as I carried him closer and he realized it was a life-sized crypt keeper, he was suddenly terrified, covered his eyes, and just kept repeating, no, no, no. Until I took him back upstairs, I laughed and laughed. Good old cryptie. That's what you traumatized that kid. That's what I would laugh laughed, good old crypti. That's what you traumatize that kid.

That's what I would laugh at too. That's what you get downstairs and you get... Kids need it to make some stronger. No, it doesn't. It reminds me, I think I'm gonna tell this story about when I was a kid and there was a big cardboard display for Childs Play in the video store and I was terrified by it.

I thought it was so frightening. It's enormous chucky doll. Why, he's just a doll. He's not looks really mean and evil. He's got blood all over him. Yes, he's the only one I don't like a knife or her. He was holding a knife too. Yeah, there he goes too.

Yeah, it's not like he was holding like a chicken dinner. So then he was holding a knife. Well then it would be delicious. I'd say thank you very much, chucky. You're a great doll. You're gross, but give me that chicken. It was also because when I was a kid, maybe you guys had this when you're a kid.

I feel like Chuck E. Scarier, because he's small. When he's bigger, he becomes less scary. Well, if it's like a big Chuck E. costume, then yeah. But when you're a kid, your imagination is somehow much more horrific than when you're an adult. So like, I imagined that horror movies were way worse than they were, and that Chuck E. was just like, cutting people's eyes out

or just like, you know, putting knives across people's eyes. Like, in the eyes of stuff. A lot of face stuff, though. But like, like, I didn't really know what the limits were in horror movies. So when I finally saw them as I was like, oh, they're just like stabbing people mostly.

Like occasionally there's an accident ahead, you know. Well, like you trick somebody to fall down an elevator shaft. Yeah. And at the bottom of the elevator shaft, there's a bunch of broken glass. They also get all cut up. Yeah. Anyway, why would you traumatize your, your, what was it? Nephew? Just for fun, Z's, I think. Just for fun, Z's. Next letter goes like this, etc. And a recent, in a recent episode Dan mentioned he would like to learn how to play P-Nuckle. I was conscripted into learning P-Nuckle. We put P-Nuckle on your knuckles, I thought we talked about this.

We talked about it. He tried to balance them. The secret is glue him on there. And to learning P-Nuckle is a small child. When my grandfather needed an extra person, to round out his table, I lived now as a broken person with an encyclopedic knowledge of strategies to maximize meld and card decks that can't be used for any other game,

except bridge but fuck that shit. Pnecgal games can last for hours and require the addition and subtraction of negative points, trying to find people to play with you as a losing game against mortality. It is in short, the four-loaner inside of a card game. Congratulations on your new hobby this from a boy Don't feel bad about card counting. It's the only way to win and complimentary question mark news

I was listening to your podcast while helping my mom recover from surgery the following is a direct quote Is that that guy from that movie? They sound stupid, but it's actually funny. I don't know what guy or which movie But thanks for hilarious and bright spot my day. You're truly JJ last name with hell. JJ Abrams. And JJ the James. Yeah, like he knows how to play Pee Knuckle. JJ Hunsecker.

Uh-huh. So thanks. I feel like that's the kind of thing that people say about the podcast a lot. Yeah. It sounds stupid, but it's funny. Except this episode, just stupid. And sexy. Well, this is the sexiest episode. This is the most erotic episode.

Call this one the, what's in the run? Stick it on flop house. Stick it in your ears. Oh, damn. Jam it right in your ears. No, gross. Please don't ever say it. It's infreating your brain.

Can I get... Fitting your brain. Oh, the romantic and baby. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it. Yeah. Last letter the evening. Hey, do you like losing tendrils? Then you'll love David Crohn. Do you like orifices? Last letter. I recently orifice in Euridicy, the classic Greek myth of the two lovers who had real gross goopy orifices with like videotape sentiment stuff. I recently had the pleasure of catching a rare showing of Robert Altman's long-lost masterpiece Corn's a poppin during a special gathering at the Mama featuring incestual overtones so strong They just become tones more songs than actual plot and literally every single character screaming their lines at the top of their lungs It was quite possibly the worst movie I've ever had the pleasure of laughing at while being so feverish I thought I might die.

Great title though. Have any of you ever experienced the same, watching a movie by a veritable master, one of your favorite directors or writers, and being incredibly disappointed, or even not disappointed, but just deeply and sincerely confused. Keep on flopping the house down, sincerely, John last name with health. So big swings and misses by favorite directors. This is a tough one. I mean, I mean, every director has their disappointments. Yeah, I mean, like Hitchcock had a bunch of them, but they're mostly just boring. Well, but also I feel like there's something about an older director where it's like, as soon as you're done with one of their bad movies,

you can go watch one of their good movies, there's something about when a direct, you're really looking forward to a movie from a director you like a lot, and it comes out and it's not good. Like, David Fincher is not one of my favorites, but I loved Zodiac, so I was like on board for whatever was next, and then he came out

with Benjamin Button, and I was like, and I whatever was next. And then he came out with Benjamin Button. And I was like, and I just remember like after the first half of it, I'm like, what the hell is this? And there's the movement I'm like, seriously, this, wait, what? Like this is the same guy. For me, I think it was when I saw,

I saw lovely bones. Oh, yeah, that was like favorites, too. That is such a bad move. Like King Kong bafflingly bad. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I do not want. Is Spider-Man in it? Imagine a movie that is based on the abuse and murder of a young girl. Keep talking. But then it's like shot like a hallmark card, and then it has like Stanley Tucci as like the most, like, it's like a cartoon serial killer basically.

Yeah, it's like a Freddy from that nightmare on Home Street cartoon. Like he's a clown, but he's also like A dude in the neighborhood like kills children Yeah, it's a not he's a cartoon serial killer like what Fenwick from Teenage Mutant Turtles Yeah, just when he was killing people in the spare time, right? I mean my experience is it's just been mostly disappointment not like this is completely bad Like I remember watching

Intolerable cruelty and being like okay, well, this is completely bad. Like I remember watching intolerable cruelty and being like, okay, well, this is not a good Cohen brothers. Yeah. I mean, when the Cohen brothers have failed the few times they have, it's not comically bad. It's just like painfully bad. Like that in Lady Killers or there was, I was not expecting anything of it,

but I remember when I was like 13, I think, my grandmother and I went to the Museum of Modern Art and they had some, I think the movies that were showing were all like writers who directed movies. And we just went to whatever was playing that day and it was, was it Dead Men Don't Dance, or whatever it's called, the Norman Mailer movie. And I remember we're watching it, it was so bad.

And there's a part, there at this party where everyone is doing cocaine and this woman goes there's doorbell rings this woman goes oh It's my boyfriend and she takes off all her clothes and then walks the door and it's somebody else She's like oh forget it and then Something else stupid happened and my grandmother just goes this movie is not for us and walked out left And I was like was it because she thought was inappropriate? No, it was just terrible. Like, it's, it's, it's, but it means we walked out before the great moment of, uh, oh man, oh, geez, oh god, whatever it is that Ryan O'Neal has. Yeah.

It's, it's some of the, it's like the acting moment where he begged Norm Taylor to cut it out of the movie. And I also find that like, often with like, directors I like, it's not so much that they had like this one like crazy outlier It's they had like a depressing slow decline like I don't know like John Carpenter or Joe Dante or something Where it's just like okay, well each successive movie I like less than the last mm-hmm. Thank you for sort of Making me sad You welcome yep you Yeah, we're bringing it down on a bleak now ending letter. Okay, so that was the last letter on wow the worst part of the letters things are gonna be my sex song now nope that was the best part

um happy anniversary Bethany let's wrap it up then sex letter segment it's over and now sex letter segment. It's over now sex letter segment. Oh and how 50 shades of gray. It's the six episode of the flop house Don't talk into the mic Don't do that you ruined my song Find someone you love and hit them lightly on the butt that sex in the movies I guess technically they might be still groovy according to the contract it is and they might be into it yeah so what do we do now Dan say goodbye no no the final segment this thing is not yet over is recommend a movie that we liked. I'll go first. And opposition to the movie that we just made fun of. No, it's called 50 Shades of Grave. I'm going to recommend a little movie that's

also starting Mike Huckabee. Pretty sexy. It's about a free. It's from a tiny little country called It's from a tiny little country called New Zealand. No, New Zealand. New Zealand. New Zealand. It's called What We Do In The Shadow. Oh, I want to see that movie. It's what I would file in my video store under Vampire Comedy.

So what else is in that? Embrace of the Vampire. And what vampires kiss. Yeah, love it for his bite. Yeah, love his fight. Dracula, Dracula dead loving it. Transylvania six. That's the place I understand.

Fix it to vampire. It's a huge category. My best friend is a vampire. Avon Costello meet Frankenstein. Yep, that's a just Dracula in it. Mm-hmm. Okay, so what we do in the shadows, I have it to Costello meet Frank it's time. That's a just Dracula in it. Okay, so what we do in the shadows It is a Break it is a mockumentary I guess about a group of vampires who live together in a house in New Zealand

Knowsie in a house in New Zealand. And how is it pronounced? Nozella. To quote Lobo Maranga. Bobo Maranga. And they are preparing for some kind of, I don't know, some kind of like, to answer, get together of other vampires.

Oh, fearless vampires, yes, it's another comedy. And it, or part of me, it features a German climate from the kind of words. I'll tell you what's your main to this situation. I'm going to say it normal. It's a young mom climate. But it's very, very funny and it's great and it's funny and you should watch it because it'll make you laugh. Weirdly. Reese Darby's in it and that guy, I can say whatever the fuck he wants on I will laugh. Yeah, we're werewolves not swearwolves exactly but um I

I watched I went on a train trip this weekend. Oh, I knew you're watching movies on different modes of trade I watched trains and planes and One of them was what we do in the shadows trains planes and And one of them was what we do in the shadows planes and all the movies because I was worried Dan was gonna snake my bacon I gotta say I you know I do every I enjoyed what we do in the shadows I did not laugh as much as I expected to I don't know I think I might be a little Here's a funny bone got broke I think I might as well as your knee that got injured I might be I might be a little Tired of semi improvised comedy documentaries. I think that the, I found it more drool than I found funny, but I did think it was good.

Drone man versus the demonic toys? I'm not going to argue that it wasn't good. And now I'm going to, he has no chance against this demonic toys. And now I'm going to, he's no chance he has a stomach to it. And now I'm going to, he's got witty bond mods. Yes. And now I'm going to totally get rid of any credibility after saying that I didn't find that as funny as I thought

it would be by recommending the movie. I'm about to recommend it, which is the other movie I watched on the train was Lucy, which I enjoyed a surprising amount. I've been hearing that's a fun movie. We're gonna say that for the flop. Lucy, the movie you wouldn't let us watch because you thought we'd like it and turns out I'm recommending it.

So we could have done an episode on that. I believe I have to watch it together now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cutting. Cutting.

No, we're gonna be weird. He didn't put that in the contract. We're gonna be sitting cross-legged in front of the TV with Big Bowl's Assyriel. and the and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and level sophistication. And there's a level of sophistication where you're like, that movie is stupid. And there's a level of sophistication above that level where you're like, that movie is deliberately stupid. And I feel like, which category does it fit in loosely? I think that

loosely, it fits in the second category. So it's like that category loosely. I feel like that movie is deliberately, extravagantly, exuberantly dumb. Okay. And that's what I liked about it. It was a lot of adverbs for one movie, Dan. I feel like a lot of people took that movie on because of the stupid 10% of your brain. You have a limitless bullshit.

Bullshit? And that is bullshit, but they just use it. Imagine a future of limitless bullshit. Does she drink any limitless blood to get super powerful? Yeah, she drinks some limitless hate. But I just think that I'm gonna eat with my question seriously. I'm gonna eat with my question seriously. I'm gonna eat with my question seriously.

People look to that. Question rescinded. People look to this stuff and they're like, oh, this movie's stupid. Whereas I feel like they would have accepted that bullshit if they're just like, oh, they just use more of their brain, I guess. They don't know. They would have accepted the bullshit if they're just like, oh, they just use more of their brain, I guess. No, no, no, they would have accepted the bullshit

if they're just like, if they delimited themselves. If they were just straight forward, like, this is a superhero movie. I'm like, oh, okay, this is a superhero movie. I will accept whatever bullshit you throw at me. It was like a super gyro movie. But you know what I mean?

Like, I feel like there are people out there who will be like, this is stupid because that doesn't make any sense. I believe in me and use more of his brain. I believe it but not scarring to hands. But they'll totally accept if they're like okay, this is a crazy comic book world. I take that that's fine and I think this is just a movie where is a crazy comic book world and it goes in crazy weird directions that you didn't expect where Lucy literally like basically becomes God by the end of the movie. Wait, spoiler alert. So what you're saying is Lucy is Dan's pick for best picture of 2015?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's you've not paraphrased me in any of this. Lucy in the sky with Dan McCoy. No, I'm just saying like it's a fun dumb movie. Like it's dumb but it's dumb in like a way that is smart visually. Fun dot dot dot dot smart. It's Dan McCoy of LaFast. It's fast. It's fast. That's not furious. It's fewer than 90 minutes. It's enjoyable. Fewer than 90 minutes rage and the call of the love house I mean you're you're actually making fun of me but it is a qualified recommendation I'm not

saying it's like fucking citizen came I'm just saying it's like citizen came since it's a good point for the house all right go fuck dot dot like citizen came go fuck yourself go dot dot to Lucy says Dan McCoy. Go dot dot dot end of the sense. Systemical I have the applause. I'm gonna recommend a movie that is maybe the exact opposite

of Lucy and that is a in some ways semi-document you see it's called it's called you see and it's a story about Gary Bucy using 100% of his brain to make the movie Ginger Dead man anyway it's called whatever anyway so and it is that this is the movie I like to recommend is called Downhill Racer it's a move from the 60s Michael Richie Whatever. Anyway, so this is, the movie I'd like to recommend is called Downhill Racer. It's a movie from the 60s.

Michael Richie. Michael Richie film Michael Richie who has had one of the strangest careers in film. Brother of Lionel Richie, right? Yes, exactly. Yeah, Baguette Fares, a smile, prime cut. Yep, he made a bunch of the candidate, like he made a ton of good movies

and then he also made a ton of terrible movies, like Cops and Robertsons, you made a bunch of the candidate, like you made a ton of good movies and then you also made a ton of Terrible movies like cops and robbersons, you know, but it's a Michael Richie film with a Robert Redford and Gene Hackman about the Exciting world of competitive down hill skiing racing, which asked me am I interested in skiing? No, I am not I find it stupid and I'm not interested in it. But the movie managed to make it took my knee for me. Dan has a particular hatred for it. But this is a movie that manages to make it seem interesting and exciting. Less so for the characters. It's about a young guy who is a very talented skier and kind of finds himself turning his back. The only way that you can save the rec center. Yeah, exactly. He finds himself turning his back. The only way that you can save the rec center. Yeah, exactly. He finds himself turning his back on basically everyone else in his life in his drive to

get to the Olympics and win a gold medal in downhill skiing. And he's not a likable character. He's not supposed to be a likable character. It's one of these late 60s movies about an unlikeable guy. But the scenes of them preparing for skiing and the life of these guys is they travel around to different ski tournaments in Europe and everything becomes really fascinating and it feels like a thinly fictionalized documentary in a lot of ways. And the skiing scenes are really amazing, especially for the time like the way they were able to get certain shots and the way they mix the

sound to get the experience across. So I would recommend it for anyone who doesn't want to go skiing, but wants to vaguely know what it's like to go skiing downhill racer. Also, the sequel downhill racer head. Three completely non-qualified recommendations. Yep. I thought mine was a really good movie. You loved yours. And of course, Dan referred to Lucy as dot, dot, dot likes it as a cane. Go dot, dot, dot end of sentence. Dot, dot, dot fewer than 90 minutes. Go dot, dot, dot says this is Dan McCoy. Go dot, dot, dot, yourselves. To see Lucy. I was supposed to take someone else.

That I was, that I was meant to be. I wasn't telling them that other people should go. Other people should go. Says, didn't go. Go. Glad I was. That's the part where you're not like Yoda. Glad I was. That yo that Lucy I saw.

All right. Well, uh, this has been a very sexy episode of a flop. Maybe the sexiest. Uh, actually, it's maybe one of the less sexy episodes of the flop. I hope that, uh, you achieved climax by the time that we sign off, which is now, I'm Dan McCoy. You should have begun masturbating at the start of the episode. And now you may come at the sound of the beep. Beep.

Oh, that's gross. Should I have said, uh, release? Yes. Oh, sorry. Poor release. Uh, yeah, I guess I'm, oh, man, I'm steward. And the shame is always, I'm Elliot Kaelin. Good night, everyone.

Stuart wouldn't even say his last name. Cheers, cheers, tons of cheers. You're not the reason we not all for my dick. Horrible. So I was watching the Daily Show yesterday. It's the Mabel, I says I says. And I liked how you guys had Tom Brocon. Oh wait, he's here right now.

It's me, Tom Brocon. That's not bad here right now. It's me Tom Broca Grares generation compared to the other My the fleece thing of America The Tom Broca Grares generation That's me forever to get here. I had to walk this Jimmy store his higher pitch Oh, it's good to me, so I'm Tom Brogel. I'd walk the whole way. I don't take the carway Jimmy Stewart will a little bit more This may have Tom Brogel

There's Tom Brogel. Welcome to it. If God wanted me to travel in tunnels in the ground He would have made me shy, hallued. It's just like that scene in the trip. Just by the way, I just read Dune. Great. I've considered myself kind of a modip of NBC news. But greatest generation. You do a good Tom Broca. Well, Doritos, generation. You do a good Tom Broca.

Oh, thanks. Thanks. Thanks for having me. I was on the dance. You have two voices you do now. What if Tom Broca was on a date with Michael Caine? I think you would end in disappointment. All right.

Because they're both straight-general. I was thinking because Michael Caine would not be able to last for a long time. in disappointment. All right. Because they're both straight-genuine. I was thinking because Michael Cain would not be able to last for a long time. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm used to a longer-lasting lover.

I'm sorry that you were just too erotic for me. I'm sorry. I spilled my seed almost immediately. The shawl in my hair. Do you have something kind of combed to cut it out of my hair? Oh, please leave. Maybe, maybe, maybe peanut butter. This is not a serious relationship, Tom. This is a one-hour stand, which you just take your things and go, but I don't even get a nut.

The ad said no names, except we're both quite famous. It was very hard to avoid us knowing each other's names. Thank you.