The Flop House - Ep. #181 - Jupiter Ascending

Episode Date: June 27, 2015

Will the guys who liked Speed Racer also enjoy the Wachowski sibling's most recent critical flop, Jupiter Ascending? Meanwhile Elliott debuts his new bumper sticker, Dan boringly digresses about The Three Investigators, and Stuart explains why, when incarcerating someone, you should really take their rocket boots.Movies recommended in this episode:CreepFlash GordonBarbarellaThe Visitor

And I we watched Jupiter ascending the story of a dogman and a lady who loved him spoiler alert they fall in love And she controls bees Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys, it's me Stewart that guy from the flop house and your last name well LinkedIn and it's me Elliott Kalen von Vivant man about town star of stage screen and screen stage Stewart I enjoyed that you and identified yourself from the thing that I'm listening to right now you might remember me from such podcast as They're listing two right now. You might remember me from such podcasts as this one. I channeled some loaded. Channels some Troy McClure there. The flop house, I'm Stuart Wellington parentheses, the flop house.

I don't know that many credits guys. That's what, yeah, that's how you gonna buy stuff at the Star Wars store. You're all adding credits. Modded space credits, I don't know. I'll have to, I don't melda 100 people down into. Mod of space credits. I don't know. I'll have to, I don't meld a hundred people down into a brick of space to use. Yeah, to have your youth liquid exchange from moon bucks. Mm-hmm.

Well, thanks for the primer on big exchange rates in space. For the battery emulsion or whatever they call it. The battery emulsion. This will make sense later folks. Dan, explain what this podcast does. This podcast comes out of your music player. Functionally what it does is we talk about a bad movie.

Functionally what it does is gives you some to listen to while you're cleaning your house. Sure. Or filing a tax return. Yeah. On the subway, jogging. Don't file a tax return on the subway. That's sensitive information. If you have a nonsense fetish and you need something to masturbate you, yeah.

I was thinking about the same thing. So we're brothers in stupid perversion. Yeah, stupid perversion would be a pretty funny movie. It's like a dumb and dumb rapporto. Yeah, there's a guy who's like really into clown shoes. He's got a clown shoe. Oh, they're just dumb perversions. Yeah.

Not clowns, just the shoes, please. I guess that's better than just dumb guys who are perfect. Because I think a lot of the internet's filled with those guys. Yeah. I'm really into CNN's that have been dipped in red paint. What is sexy about that? I don't know, blame my family. It just does it for me.

Just something I'm really into. I'm wired on the kid and that was it. I was masturbating once when a bat flew through the window. Ever since I've had to dress up like a bat to get to get off. Sure, to fight crime and then jerk it over the criminals I have. Her favorites are a superstitious and cowardly lot. Just gets my engine going. I also, by the way, get turned on by the soundtrack

of Real Steel. I just haven't been listening to it once. It just did it for me. Yeah, it just clicks. Yeah, I just hit two or three. You were the exact time that Real Steel was released in theaters. At the same time that the soundtrack to real steel

was released in stores. Speaking of clicks, I get weirdly turned on by the Milo Monar comic strip click. It was a sex comic. I guess that's how I'm weird. And that's weird, it's getting turned on by like, beetle Bailey. Although even then,

I was, totally as much as I was playing. Let's say, sorry, getting to bed. We're getting turned on by high and low-ish. Let me tell you, Let's say getting to read bass it getting turned on by high and low is Let me tell you lowest She really settled into it to marry life so did high. That's a that's a

Mchil a mother from comics I'd like to Character right now guys that's not I'm not character is what I'm not saying the coy the weirdo I was speaking as a guy who gets off on high and low. Oh, I see. Yeah. Oh, man What if uh, what if lowest was with the mom from Marvin? Oh Maybe Mrs. Lockhorn could get into this I have a weird thing for Rose from Rose is Rose Rose Rose is a little girl wait rose the girl i thought she was the mom but not my i thought the mom of a different name is rose the mom damn explain

uh... i thought we need to get fly like that that's what i want to have a mom imagine she's a biker lady that rose tattoo when she had happened so maybe she's really like uh... play of the same name yeah angry Anderson that it's in the sea. Williams play the rose tattoo. Your thing of streetcar name rose from Golden Girls.

So we said this was a movie podcast. Actually, a gibberish podcast. Yeah. But eventually we get around to movies, which we'll do tonight and the movie is Jupiter sending starring Channing Tatum and La Kunis and Eddie Redmay and Sean beam and That lady from orphan black and bunch of squid guys and that lady from Luther and one of the car goals from TV's car And Jupiter. And the guy who plays Howard Stark's butler on AJ Carter, yeah. And fuck. And. I think there's a surprising lack of fucking in this movie.

And I think you're both forgetting the true star as a movie. There's one series of ladies, but the true star of the film, a pair of humble rocket shoes. We steal the show by being used in every action scenes. That would rock a crocodile. Where are these shoes? Rocket crocodile has a jet pack, but maybe has shoes as a backup. Rocket crocodile watching this movie would be totally confused as to who to root for. Should it be rooting for the flying dinosaur men

or the rocket shoes? I gotta say, if I'm imagining a rocket crocodile movie, it's basically this movie. You are imagining it because it doesn't exist. It's basically this movie only not boring. If there's a lot more movie. I'm not boring version of this movie. Like a lot more nudity, and I believe I said

that Danzig did the whole score. Yeah. So it's like heavy metal cross with this movie, which is already can't have a metal-y. Well, this movie is kind of like, it's like, here's what this movie is. I think one you got, I think maybe a steward compared it to the fifth element.

Yep. Which it is, it's like the fifth element. This is more like the third element. And very, like, if someone read a lot of like Larry Niven novels and like cord winners' wins. David Niven? Instrument Larry Niven novels and like cord winners. David Niven. Instrumentality of mankind stories and like smashed them all

together and like then watched Flashcore in the movie and was like, oh, I'll just do that. Yeah. Like it's a, this is a science fiction space opera campy movie. Yeah. So let's summarize this whole big old plot of it. That's summarized.

Guys. Well, uh, probably his first book wrote about wrote about Preston's first book wrote about wrote about he wrote, oh, times that. Remember that bit? It's the big. You just talking about. So we, uh, it's a movie. Things get off to a good start with a voiceover. Yeah. Because you know, movie's going to be good when it starts explaining who they are to you and voiceover. Yeah. Because you know, when we're gonna be good when a character starts explaining who they are to you and voiceover, we know that Mila Cunis is a, she's a young lady who is the daughter of a Russian woman and an English astronomer. One day when her mother was pregnant,

out of nowhere, as I guess happens all the time in Russia, a bunch of hoodlums burst into their apartment, violent goons, stole a telescope and a computer and some money and shot the father. Yeah, and shot, you know, the elder, wait, no, hold on. The butler from the elder Tony Stark. Exactly. And the mother,

And you think he might pull of the crow later on, but he doesn't, he's dead. Yeah, the original Jarvis is gone. Yeah. And he, so she elite ill immigrates to America in a shipping container that is left open. I guess they can get lovely sea breezes on the on the great ship. And Mulecunus is born in that shipping grade. She returned, she'd they arrive.

And I guess they have some cousins who live in Chicago and they are. It's like she's born and immediately is a commodity, Elliot. That's what that represents. Wow. Yeah. Continue. It's like she's born and immediately is a commodity, Elliott. That's what that represents. Wow. Yeah. Continue. That's deep. She cut ahead to, we are now on an alien planet somewhere that looks like Frank Gary designed all the buildings. There's Blue Sand and there's three evil space siblings. Eddie Redmayne, this lady and this other dude. A couple of space down to Navis. Who basically their names are Balum, Cali, and Titus. And they're ever talking about how they

shouldn't have heard this thing. And they inherited different planets from their mom and Balum got Jupiter and Titus got something else. And they want Earth. Earth is the thing that they want. And we find out later, I'm not gonna do what the movie does Which is like make you know it you know exactly what this movie is about but they wait a long time to confirm it But they own planets and they harvest the planets by killing every beyond it and turning them into like

Youth fluid. Yeah, which they then bathe in and it makes it young and they there's like Stuart said water watch There's a bunch of Lazarus pits now let's let me let's back up and say that this will be directed by the Vachowsky siblings so they're basically recycling the humans as batteries idea from their matrix films let me tell you humans as these forces these batteries youth forces are not included oh no wait a minute. There aren't little burger shaped Dona beachies not in it Yeah, they were there burger shaped I guess yeah

Yeah, well, they're not adorable. Did they not have a scene in that way where one gets trapped between two pieces of bread and a fat man Almost eats it. Oh, that's why I said burger. It's essential. I haven't seen that movie I think, since it was in the theater. They're helping, this is when the one has gives birth and it gives birth to like a little, little baby robot. Yeah.

So like they're helping a building not get torn down, so they're basically like a chabadoo, whatever, from like a blue tooth. They're like, well, we can get flying alien, baby burger. Break it too. Robot, burger We're like, well, we can get flying alien baby burgers. I like it. Robot burger aliens. Or I guess we can get a bikini car wash. I don't know which one to be better.

There's all these options. You got aliens. That's the top option. You got bikini. You got to put that in. You got to the second best special effect, boos. Yeah, and then you got break dancing. And beyond that, I mean, really, you just have like a fake sale.

That's how you save a whole week. You had an alien bikini break bake sale. Oh boy, I would pay upwards of, I don't know, $50. Hey man, what if five recitors, what if schools got all the money they needed and the Air Force had to have a bikini robot break bake sale to buy a bomber? If I could only have a bumper sticker that expresses that sentiment.

Well, just go to Cafe Press and type in that and then pay me for the intellectual property rights. $400, please. Wow. Okay. Do you have an expensive bumper sticker, but it's worth it. Of course, people see it and they go, what? Yeah, all the garbage.

All the car crashes you're going to be starting as people look at it and then go, what? Yeah, all the garbage. What? All the car crashes are going to be starting as people look at it and then do a double take. Lose control of the wheel. I think we found our new Max Plan, the piece of merch, actual. Is that bumper seat? Yeah. Let's get it going.

I don't know if I'm going to lose this. I'm going to get Jesse going. Get it going. Jesse, Thorn on the Horn. That's his new show. That's Jesse Thorn tells you about what different animal horns that he's collected during his exotic trips abroad. During his many years as a safari.

Yeah. This is either from a narwhal or it fell out of a staircase. Or it's a French horn. I don't know. I shot up an orchestra. I don't have really no horns. This is either a French horn or a trombone. I don't know. Now this is something I got in the deepest wilds of Laos. It's candy corn, but I've run out of candy ca horn. So it sounds like horn is in there. I'm a crazy person.

It's me, Jesse Thorne, ahead of Max Fun, we've libeled here. Yeah, well, I can prove in court that he likes candy corn. Anyway, so, the movie. So basically, it turns out, so anyway, there's this whole universe where humanity is actually a species that's existed for many, many millennia, like a billion years, and they've expanded to all these different planets where they've genetically modified their own genes, I guess, so that they can live on those planets. But the original humans, the OHs, if you will, they are now super rich, wealthy aristocrats, except they're only seeing real.

They're aristocrats. They're only seeing to be three of them in the house of a Braxis and or a brass ax. Wait, which one is that? It's a brass ax, but I thought there's an o' Braxis like the eye of a Braxis. Yeah, it's like a big brass ax

that they have on the wall. Yeah, a brass ax. Only one. Or it's big brass ax of the heaven oil. Yeah, a brass ax. Only one. Or it's a brass ax, like it's a saxophone bra. Oh, I thought you meant sax of bra. They took the sexiest instrument and applied it to the sexiest body part, the boob, or the brass ax.

Science has long sought the sexiest body part. It's called it. Yeah. In our search for the sexiest body part. It's called it. Yeah. In our search for the sexiest body part, we narrowed it down to the boob, the butt, and the nose. Now we're pretty sure we can eliminate the nose that might become margin bearer. But we need to test it.

Also, the little fold around your mouth when you smile. How is that? Is that in there? Now some say that the brain isn't sexist body part. Those people are wrong. Look at that brain. It's gross. It's like a big gray mush.

I want to masturbate that. I don't want to. Now let's show you a boob, even alone, solo. It's still got the stuff. Now imagine a three boob person as you might find in space. Now remove one of those. Now we're at what we call boob classic just to Three boobs. Why that would imprint my brain early as a child and stay with me forever

Great. It's what what we call a stupid finish Stupid version. Oh, that's right So anyway, milacuneus it is one of is Is she... You keep saying Cunis. Is it Cunis? I don't know. Cunia form.

I don't just say Mila Cunia form. I would tell you Mila Cunis. But I've never met her. She's never told me what her name is. Okay. Anyway, Mila Cunis is a rifle. She's a rifle. Maybe there's a YouTube video over sitting

in your name somewhere. She's living her life as a janitor. She uses the fake name of one of her clients who's also a friend of hers who we see in her underpants to make a plan to sell her eggs to make money to buy a telescope like her dad once had. But when she's at this person's house hiding in the closet a bunch of aliens come along and try to kidnap that woman. And she takes a picture of it and then they zapper with an amnesia ray and she wakes up. Am I be here?

She goes to I gotta say that's like the funniest bit in the movie. But she just started taking a picture. Yeah, she sees aliens attacking her friend and her immediate reaction is to hold up her iPhone and try and snap a shot. I'm gonna be funny if she's trying to take a selfie where she's like to make a duck face and with these aliens behind her. So she goes to the clinic where she's gonna sell the eggs and turns out, uh-oh, it's a front.

It's a front for the aliens that we're trying to get to her when they were going after that other woman. Luckily, she's saved by a little guy named Channing Tata, a K-A, cane wise, a dog man. Oh, did we mention the key to the character name is Jupiter Jones, some kind of outer space black exploitation. By the way, as far as I'm concerned, there's one Jupiter Jones, and he's the head of the three investigators, along with Pete Grinchel and Bob Andrews. Now, if you don't know the three investigators, imagine the Hardy boys, but imagine that they're imprinted by that they are a branded Alfred Hitchcock

production. The Brandon was involved. They're a branded Alfred Hitchcock thing, like Alfred Hitchcock slapped his name on a bunch of shit back in the day. Yeah, Alfred Hitchcock's shit was the premier brand of shit. But if you enjoy Alfred Hitchcock's Shuttle Cox. If you're Hitchcock's hitchhiking thumb extenders. If you're an 11 year old boy, I suggest that you seek out the adventures of the three investigators, the premier boy detectives of my youth. Anyway, Jupiter Jones, that's all I said. You're an 11 year old boy.

Go to sleep, dude. This shows on way too late for you. And it is in a pro podcast. What? We're not going out live right now to America. Imagine the terribleness if that was true. It'll be very frightening. Anyway, Jupiter, we've already seen this guy fight

a bunch of alien bounty hunters or whatever. And here's the great thing that is both. Here's when you know this movie is both stupid and kind of fun is that the designs for these characters are like if someone was doing a big budget remake of like a crappy like Italian 80s science fiction action movie. Which is self is like a knockoff of like a star of a star that we're all the bad guys have like eye patches and shoulder pads and like are all like and there's like there's like a good impression of someone dubbing sound effects from a time like I love that when you're dubbing like an Italian movie they also have to dub like the non verbal

shit. Yeah, because then I know sound was recorded on the set. It's not like they're dubbing it just for language. Like in Italian, most of the old Italian movies, they didn't record sound onset. So that's why even like great Italian movies have shitty voice dubbing in. Oh, that's why even like movies that are in English, like the spaghetti westerns.

Yeah. Well, that's also partly because like, when they're making a lot of spaghetti westerns, not everyone in the cast spoke the same language. so you'd have to dub half the cast anyway. And their mouths were full of spaghetti that all time. That's true. Because they had to carboload before every shot. It's just the Italian way.

Marathon filmmaking, they called it. Like the trackers always like, mangea, mangea. And every set, Sergio Leone's mama was going around shoving spaghetti and cleaning his face. You're so big, Clint Eastwood. Clint, you got to eat your wasting away. Thanks, mama Leoni. Our finish is just you're seen right now.

No one makes a marinara last year. There's two kinds of marinara, this world. Those were loaded guns and those, excuse me, who did? So, but there's a bunch of battles between these crazy bound hunters and are male hero of the movie, who is kind of the Han Solo and Chubaka combined. Yeah, he's barf the mawg. Yeah, his name is Cain Wise and he is a genetically engineered man dog soldier. You still have wings, but he lost them because he went crazy and he bits of money. Found the cure for wings.

But he lost it. All right, so I found the cure of our pizza. I found the cure for not flying, but I lost it. Nobody found it. He got his wings cut off. Okay. But he now he can fly even better because he's got... Red Bull.

No. Because he's got red bull no Because he's got rocket boots rocket boots. That's right He's got rocket shoes and he uses them all the time Even when they don't really help him. He's just floating like a half an inch above the ground But he'll get he's gotten he gets captured like three or four times and every time they're like fuck it Just give them those right. Let me keep his rocket It's the same way that the first lot so much, you know in the in the first Tiders that spider-man fought the vulture in the old comics they throw them in jail And at the end there's just a shot of vulture and jail still in his vulture costume

It's like take his flying suit away, dude. So what are you doing? He's just an old man like he, he's so, really harmless without his vulture suit. Come on, but they're always like, can wise is the super best fighter in the universe because he has rocket shoes, should we, you know, like impound those, nah, leave his rocket shoes on. I heard those are a myth.

And his special device that he uses to throw on things and it makes holes in them. Yep. Which I guess you would just call like a bomb in real life, but they, you know, these make stiff metal holes. So he's protected and it turns out he's a former soldier, he's working for Titus Abra-Sex. Abra-Sex?

Titus and Roger. Who is the youngest of the three siblings, I guess? Meanwhile, he takes, so he takes milk unit, there's a big space battle in Chicago where there are spaceships, space planes flying around should each other, piloted by naked aliens. And these, and these space planes like, yeah, there are wings, move around in different sections and are detached and retouched. And this flight, this fight goes on for a long time over the almost totally deserted streets of Chicago.

This is one of America's biggest cities. There is nobody on the streets. Nothing, and they're blowing up buildings. They're flying low over the streets. You never see people running and going like, ah, it's like Chicago imposed a curfew, right before. This is when it takes place in another in an alternate reality where everyone

Chicago has to be in bed like by 930. Yep, they got to get home in time to watch friends. Maybe the movie is such a friend's finger. Yeah. Is there anything the movie that doesn't make it the 90s aside from her iPhone that you just take a picture with? No, it's probably the 90s. And also this being a Wikowski film,

everyone looks like they just came from a rave. Yeah. But which is not to say the design in this is not bad. And there are a bunch of scenes in this with costumes that I would dare say are even Tarsam-ish. No, it's great. It looks like they have real interesting designs. Again, like the Fist L-Nice.

And those costumes itself, it was that woman's name at home. Like the Fist L-Nice. It looks like a bunch of weird European sci-fi comics. Which is a thing I don't love. It's real moebius. I love their visuals. Their visuals are fun, even if I can't necessarily sit down and read that shit. Sure, yeah. You're not that into the history of the meta-barans, but you sure like looking at them. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Everyone, everything looks like a Le Dron drew it or painted it. Anybody? Le Dron James. Yeah, Le Dron James. Yeah. The comic book artist turned basketball flair, turned to comic book artist because he wasn't that good at basketball. So Channing Tatum takes her to a farm run by Sean Mene.

Sean's trademark. What kind of as his friend, Stinger Upini? Wait, is that really a... Apparently, Gordon would be the last name of his name. Stinger. And he's surrounded by Beehun. Wait, you got it. That's what you're talking about, and now his name is Upini.

It sounds like a bee is stinging his penis. Stinger Upini. Maybe that's what we got his name. Stinging her up to me. Maybe that's what we got his name. I don't know. His house is covered in beehives, there's bees everywhere, and canine and and sting are getting a fight because stingered blames cane for getting him into trouble. And I guess exiling them to earth, I don't know.

But it turns out the bees, all obey milacunis Jupiter's orders, turns out that's how they know she is royalty. Why is that? B is genetically designed to recognize royalty. Oh. Because what other way would you have a recognizing royalty than to hope they wander into a huge B farm and just have a lot of Bs flying around them? It turns out that they explain a bunch of the bullshit backstory and it turns out that

I mean, this movie is filled with explaining bullshit backstory. Yes. A lot of times it's delivered by aliens who are totally like wake up sheeple, people are stupid. Yeah, they're great. They're very condescending or it's delivered by any red mane going, talking like this. Yeah. Very low like this of a lover and then I yelling, and now I'm back like that. Like a meatloaf song.

He's like a living, he's like a walking space meatloaf. Or delivered by Sean Bean, and then it sounds convincing. I think that's in the background of one of the scenes. Yeah. Yeah, Sean Bean actually does a pretty good job at delivering the exposition. They, but she gets captured by the bounty hunters, she gets taken to the Palace of Kaleek, the sister of the siblings, who explains that she is the genetic reincarnation of

the mother of the Abrasak kids. A brass axe. Wait, did we do that again? You did that bit already. We talked about brass axe. A brass axe. When that brass acts. Was that a thing? No.

I mean, there's brass statues that have asses, I'm guessing. This shows how much I forget what we do on the podcast. Literally within the course of one podcast, I forget what we've said already. Yes. It doesn't help that you've had how many beers? Shut up. Whoa, dude. Take this fucking easy, mom. I'm your mother guys and I care about you

Mm-hmm just because I'm a I'm a guy who's younger than both of you doesn't mean I'm not your mom That checks out Man or monster that's what mom sounds for stands for and I think you're a monster. Oh, man Anyway, there's a whole bunch of stuff. They, she gets rescued by this spaceship that I'm not sure, they're like space police or something, I don't really get why they're helping her out, but it's this spaceship that, and there's, let's get one thing straight.

This movie is full of crazy aliens, and until they start explaining the backstory, they're just thrown crazy alien designs, you have to one up to it, there's like, these luchadored doom bot guards, and there's like flying dragon men, there elephant faces there's squid faces there's like rat faces there's all sorts of crazy stuff and it's this would be a more fun movie if it was just different aliens walking on screen just introducing themselves and then leaving you know yeah

because here in the ship like a weird like like a satirant live sketch. Yeah. Just like just aliens just aliens ringing the doorbell walking in. So there's one moment who's an alien who just has huge ears. There's another guy. There's a bunch of aliens with huge ears. I think there's a race of them. I give it like this she all her only alien characteristics that she's enormous ears. There's these guys who have just little bits of metal stuck to their faces. There's this woman who looks like this fed Gavad Karobat. There's these guys who have just a little bits of metal stuck to their faces. There's this woman who looks like this fed Gavad Karobat. There's a couple of those. There's so much like the designers on this went crazy and there is no unifying aesthetic whatsoever.

There's like some of it looks like it's taking place on in firefly. Sometimes it looks like it's taking place in like Ender's game. Sometimes it looks like an anime. Sometimes it looks like it's taking place in like, Ender's game, sometimes it looks like it's the anime. Sometimes it looks like, yeah, and anime like, Macross or some crap. There's a robot tech. Totally looks like fucking Macross. There's a bunch of Gundams flying around. Yeah, I expected the bad guys to blow up the good guys

using some kind of, and then there's a long scene. Pop song weapon thing like in Macross. Yeah, sometimes they're in Rivendell. Like there's all sorts of place and there's a long thing that is explicitly a reference to uh... brazil because terry gillium literally shows up at the end of it for no reason They take her okay now they take her to prove that she's a queen and get the title for it that she's royalty Which is a long sequence that's a satire on bureaucracie. Yeah, they've got to get all this paperwork all over the place led by some robot.

And then it ends with Terry Gilliam literally giving them the title. And then she makes a, she makes reference to how they need a 23 B stroke six. That's the right one, right? From a form. And it's like, like it's like the,

so they hired somebody else to direct the movie for a scene. And they brought in someone who's just like super goofy to do it I think it's like we we all talked about how like that Probably is the most entertaining scene in the movie. It just feels like it's from a different movie Well, I wish this move the tone of this movie was like sillier. It's a pretty silly movie Yeah kind of but like the the soundtrack is always like And every time you see a planet or a ship or whatever, the movie stops for a moment

because they're like, you're gonna be pretty blown away by this. It's the case upon my work's audience. Yeah, well that's the thing and despair. Like it's, it actually we've never seen spaceships or robots or whatever in a movie. And like we're gonna be super blown away by the stuff that we've seen before. But also, any movie where a dogman is protecting the cleaning lady queen of the universe, should not take himself the seriously.

And I think at times they are trying not to take themselves too seriously. They are aiming, I think, for the kind of pulp fun that Star Wars provides. Sure. But there's still something about them that has to be like cool, you know? Mm-hmm. Like the, like, uh, I think maybe they're trying for the kind of thing they had with like Speed Race right here. It's like, just like, just like, just fifth and second.

Well that's exactly what I was saying. That's exactly what I was about to say, which is like Speed Race or was another movie that was Savage by Critics. But I really thought Speed Race was kind of brilliant in its own way because the thing about Speed Racer is it was just super hyper crazy. Like, they were throwing everything at the screen and I can understand how that went out. So were the critics.

I can understand how that went. Rotten tomatoes, shoes. But that's the sort of thing that is not going to work for everybody. Some people are going to be like, this is hyperactive, I don't like it, I'm not into it, but at least it moved, it moved quickly, and this film slows down for such long periods of just like people standing and trading and exposition. But even the action sequences are really confusing and not well choreographed. Yeah.

And a lot of like, one of the problems with when your spaceships are always changing shape is like, it makes it that much harder to see what's going on and figure out what's happening. And the effects are so cartoony that like the characters just don't look like they're all on the same plane of reality and things like that. Like, some effects in it work really well. Some don't work that well. And unfortunately, in the big action sequences, like geography is just thrown right out of the window.

You don't know where people are. Suddenly, someone will be falling down a hole. Suddenly, someone will be exploding. Someone will be flying through a thing and there's something smashing over there. And like, you're up too close to really tell what it is. And then like a lizard monster is just watching and not taking part.

And then there's like an exploding sun or something like that And then a thing falls through a grab dome like you know, it's No, you're right. I too often the action sequences fall into the trap of just like Ford Ford Ford not enough setup so you don't really you don't really understand the environment that well. Yeah You don't understand the stakes of it. Now, just to make a long story short, Titus shows up again. He kidnaps Jupiter.

He almost tricks her into marrying him because she is gullible. But Dogban comes back and saves her at the last minute. They go and they confront Eddie Redman, who is the real big bad, and they, no, no, that's not it. They go back home, Eddie Redmanne, who was the real big bad, and they, no, no, that's not it, as they go back home, Eddie Redmayne has kidnapped her family. The sister just kind of disappears from the movie.

Yeah. Titus disappears from the movie too. She's gone out of a bath with her butt showing. Her purpose is at that point. But it's weird because you'd think these are these three feuding siblings who I guess in theory would be have like having like Machiavellian schemes against each other and Jupiter Jones is what they need because she's inherited the earth because she's the genetic repression of the queen. Yes, they should have made her make Jones, but like once she's out of the clutches of one sibling, they don't show up again. It's set up in a very like quest style, I guess,

where it's just the what, and now the adventure of colleagues palace, and then there was the adventure of the, of the woeful wedding, and now the adventure of the blowing up Jupiter place, like that's, they don't, you want these characters to be like, double crossing each other and coming back again,

but instead I guess maybe it's a more innocent storytelling structure. But anyway, they go back home. Yeah. It's a Z using that right, Ali. Yeah, basically, yeah, kind of like just going from one place to another. Yeah. It's an episodic structure. Okay.

Eddie Redman has kidnapped her family and he says, give me the title deed to the earth or also kill your family. And she knows he wants to harvest the earth and use it to make youth juice. But she totally almost doesn't know. It takes so long for her to realize like, wait a minute. If I save my family, billions of people will die.

Like it takes her a long time to get this. A shocking amount of time. And maybe, and like I wanna believe that the character is just being cunning and like tricking him into bringing her to where he wants to be. But no, it seems like she doesn't realize it. So the last minute. She's just written out remembering

that she watched Star Trek too. And she's like, oh, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. That's what Spock was saying. Or like when she's about to marry Titus, like she agrees to do it really fast. And then she's like, wait a minute, should I not marry you?

Maybe you're not honest. It's, she's a very, she's not at the brightest bulb in the bunch. Yeah. Which is too bad because. Nor does she have rocket boots. She does, like here's the thing. I know. Like a real hero.

This movie has, has found a following among, like, female science fiction fans of a certain type. And it means I wish there was a stronger female character at the heart of it, because even though it, she's technically the hero, until the end when she is hitting Eddie Redmayne with a pipe, well, he lies down on the lace. When he's already down on the ground.

Her mic haggar moment. Like up to that moment, she's doing a lot of like, bumbling into trouble and then Channing Tatum saves her, basically. Well, and she like actively pursues Channing Tatum from a very early point in the movie. Well, why not? Come on,

she sees him with a shirt off. He's got dog ears. Yeah, she can only assume he's got some kind of weird doggy lipstick penis. He's gonna have sex with her in a certain style. It would be horrible. She wouldn't be into that. I don't know. She's got one of those stupid perversions. Dogs don't have a course. No ducks do. It sounds like dogs. Like dog tails. Yeah. That's why it's where the beagle ducks are the duck boys. Duck boys in beagle towns. Beagleberg. It's a reverse of The Duck Boys in Beagle Towns. Okay. Beagleburg.

It's a reverse of Duck Tales that I'm working on called Dog Tales. Yeah. Is that the opposite of Duck's? The Dogs? It is according to fucking Carl Barg's, I didn't invent it. They're not the opposite. They co-exist. Ducks are mostly in a harmony except for the-

Beagle are a lot of, dude. They're literally ducks, dogs. They could have been like the bandit bats, you know, or bad if dude. They're literally ducks dogs. There's not they could have been like the bandit bats, you know, or something like that. Two hard and zero. What about the thief fanatopsis? And they're all William Cullenbrile, and the poem.

The Stealant, Stoodabaker. To the Major. So, but I wish that, I wish Jupiter Jones was like smarter and stronger, basically. And it wasn't so much like, yeah, I'm going to do this. Wait, that was a bad idea. I hope Rocket Boots Dog Face comes in.

But she falls in love with him pretty quick, but he's like, no, no, you're royalty, and I'm just a splice. I've been genetically modified. This is terrible, but they get over that pretty quick. Anyway, at the end end she's on Jupiter. He comes and saves her by like smashing his ship through the dome of the gravity place That makes everything go boom a lot and there's a big explosions and stuff and they escape and any red main falls down the pit to nothing This forever and at the end of it they've used alien technology to wipe everyone's memories except for Jupiter Jones. She's back to being a humble janitor who's also

queen of the earth. Her family gives her a telescope as a present and she is managed to get dog face, his wings back. And so, So he's a bird dog. And since he doesn't need wings anymore, guess what he gives to Jupiter Jones? Rocket boots.

Rocket boots. And they fly over the Chicago skyline, lovers from space, which would have been a better title than Jupiter ascending. Yeah. So, um... So, what do we like about this movie? I like the lot of the design elements. Yeah. The rocket boots. The costumes. The... Actually, don't like, I kind of like the background. I just felt like they came up with the background and didn't make a movie to go along. Yeah, the ideas in the story are good.

They seem like a solid foundation for video game series. I mean, there's something about humanity. Like Earth has one outpost of this larger empire where they where they've in their quest for immortality, they've lost all sense of morality and they kill millions to keep themselves alive longer.

But it's all like they keep talking about it in cap like market capitalist terms, but we never see it as a market. Like that we never see them really like buying or selling the youth to human futures. The only everyone yeah kind of everyone in the movie is either one of these of Braxist dynasty Brats or works directly for them is or is this one ship of policemen like there's not it's like they built the pieces of a

world but then they didn't fill in the gaps and that's as symbolized best for me by the space battle over the empty streets of Chicago. Let me tell you, I've walked around Chicago at night. There's a ton of people on the streets and they are eating meat like nobody's business. You got this raggy guy. Oh, I've walked around the streets of Chicago. I have often walked in Chicago town.

Yep. But I've never walked around it alongside a clown. Won't you come with me? And you'll see a world of your Chicago nation. Bellbee Blues played with electric guitar. White guys singing happy blues. If you wanna hear shitty blues, Chicago is the place to catch it.

If you want to eat a dog with a sport pepper, hog butcher to the nation. City of big shoulders. Carl Sandberg, everyone. Let's hear it from Carl Sandberg, everybody. There's this nightclub singer, call it's Carl Samberg. So I think we're there already, but final touch, this is a good bad movie,

a bad bad movie, or a movie. Cool, and then a fight between Carl Samberg and Andy Samberg. Well, Andy Samberg is still living. Is Carl Samberg? No, he must be dead. He died a long time ago. Can he? He was over 100 years old.

I was just double checking, but I assumed he was dead. So I believe Annie Sandberg would take a skeleton and just throw it to the ground. Just jump on it, shatter it. It would be a bunch of bone dust. Carl Sandberg died in 1967. All right. Yeah, OK.

So that's what we would invite. So final judgments? Yeah. So Andy Sandberg's final right. Yeah, okay. So that's what we wouldn't find. So final judgments. Uh, yeah. So Andy Sandberg's final. Andy Sandberg's. I give this one four Sambrids. Let's do what he had to say about this movie. Uh, yeah, there's a movie that I wanted to kind of like and I did not.

I think this is a bad, bad movie. Yeah, I, I'm with you. I desperately kind of liked it and there's I even liked a lot of elements. There are a lot of elements, fifth elements, even. Sure. But it, yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't. I would there's even a lot of like throwaway dialogue where they just make references to shit, but it just it doesn't matter. I will say if you took this movie and you cut out most of the plot and it was just seen after scene of craziness. It would be a better movie. I will just give it a simpler plot with more interesting.

Yeah, if you don't introduce a flying race of flying lizard men and then don't actually show them fighting anybody until the very end of the movie, but there's little touches in it like the bad guy. Eddie Redmayne has this torture bed that's just like a ton of little spinning knives and things that come at your face Like some kind of evil dentist chair like if there's more stuff like that. Yeah, you will you say like that over the top It's a bit of a future drama. Yeah, it's like I wish it was more over the it feels like they wanted to make a really over the top science fiction movie But they kept like raining it in for fear that it would seem too silly And I wish they'd embrace the silly of it more.

Yeah, this could have been a really great silly sci-fi movie. And they just I'll say this, for me, this, this hovers around good bad territory, but not quite. I listen to Bullseye for the moment when Jesse asks an artist an insightful question and the artist goes, oh, huh, and pauses. You can hear in the pause that he is reassessing his own work in light of the question that Jesse just asked. Bullseye's your guide to what's good for maximumfund.org and NPR. This episode of the Flop House is sponsored in part by Squarespace. The Blue Ray release of Jupiter ascending of all Squarespace.

Yeah, the Flop House is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one Website platform Squarespace sites look professionally designed regardless of your skill level with no coding required You do not need to know Htn. That's convenient because I'm probably gonna use Squarespace when I set up the web page for my new bar That's coming in double plug double official website creation place Stuart Wellington's bar. The hinterlands. Hey, spoiler alert.

You can start your free trial today with no credit card required at spare, spare, wow, wow. Mess up the name of the sponsor, Dan. Square space. Yeah, let's take that one. The spare squares is a word. Let's, let's think about it. Did you have any spare squares?

Hey guys, do you have too much squares to slide around? And you want to donate to a good cause? Go to spare squares. Hey guys, I forgot my squares at home. And we're about to go into battle against these lizard aliens. And to deal with the only weakness is Valerian squares.

Valerian squares? The rarest. Let's rewind a little. Let's rewind. Let's put another, the rarest. Let's re-run the little. Let's re-runs. Let's put another rind on this, because I assume it's some kind of melon or perhaps a cheese. You can start your free trial today with Squarespace. It's no credit card required. So let me get this straight.

I don't need to know how to code and I don't need a credit card. No, and I can still set up a website. Yeah at squarespace.com And you can use the offer code flop to get 10% off your first purchase Squarespace build it beautiful So I like to believe that there's something as built it beautiful like Yeah, yeah, hopefully Bogart says it. A warehouse, beautiful, build it. But this episode of The Flop House is also supported in part by... How are we going to mangle this one?

Casper. An online retailer. A ghost, who's your friend? An online retailer of premium, obsessively-entered, engineered mattresses for a fraction of the price. And I appreciate that because I've bought you like doing it on mattresses. Now I've bought mattresses before. As opposed to cardboard boxes mattresses.

Hey dude, sometimes you have to. Mattresses are not cheap, my friend. Mattresses are not cheap and it's easy to get a bad one if you don't know where you're going. So, a tricasper which has a risk free trial and return policy. You can try sleeping on a Casper for 100 days with free delivery and painless returns. Blophouse listeners can get $50 toward any mattress purchase. You can go to Casper.com, slash flop,

and use promo code, flop at checkout. Terms and conditions apply, you know. Like they do. Here's what I want. Most offers, terms and conditions apply, you know, like they do. Years when I want all of the offers, terms usually in the bottom. Here's what I want the flop house fans to do. One, go to Casper, get a new mattress. Two, go to Squarespace, set up a website about your new great mattress. Treat yourself. Yeah.

Three, also puts a flop house stuff on that website. Four, get a Casper mattress for someone you love. Five, set up a new website, use Squarespace. Six, what's six? Repeat. Buy a ticket to see Stupid Proversions coming this fall. So now we move on to a very popular segment of this podcast. Recommendations.

No. That's the least popular one. You always skip ahead. It's letters from listeners. Hey, Stewart. Oh, boy. Don't skip so fast. Hey, Stewart.

Elliott. Let's make it last. Hey, Stewart. Elliott. It's letter time, letter time for us. It's our time for letters. Our time to read them. Our time to need them. Our time to need them with a K this time like, oh, no, the letters here they go from Dan's mouth to your house. Also, other things that rhyme with that.

And so many episodes. The first time I've seen Elliot struggle for a rhyme. Yeah. Well, usually I rhyme the same exact words. I went off the reservation. Even an internal rhyme, usually he has, but this time, Texas and Taxi is Caleb over here. So yeah, I want to do some free verse songs. This is more of a letter song slam. Look, if the guy in the luminaires can rhyme canal and Chinatown, I can do whatever. Yeah, if Madonna can rhyme, come on, come on, let's get to it. Strike a pose. There's nothing to it. Vogue. I think that you can do whatever the fuck you wanted at that point.

Yeah, yeah, she broke one writing. That's what my poetry teacher told me. But I really opened the door. Yeah. A letter number one. Time to have some fun with letter number one, letter number one. We're almost done with the song about letter number one for you And you and you it's the first the best or the worst it's first Okay, letter number one break it down out letter number one letter number one. Okay fellas here it goes Let a number one. Let's keep on our toes. Let's get things done. Let a number one break down over back to the regular song. And here's the bridge. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do I've grown up letter number one. Oh, okay, it's done. All right, tons of fun. Oh, geez.

Number one. Number one. Number one. No, I'm faking being annoying, but now it's really taking it easy, dude. All right, let's go into the first letter. Hey, relax. A bra sex.

This is from Henry last name withheld. Portrait of a serial killer is his last name. I was listening to my favorite podcast the flop house when I was struck with an idea. The hosts are so talented. And the shows are so pretty. I'm blushing. The shows premise so compelling. Yeah, the show should name must be adapted to the medium to which the flop house has devoted itself. name must be adapted to the medium to which the flop house has devoted itself. I present to you the work. Flop house, the Broadway musical. Oh no. The curtains open on Dan Alone in a squalid tenement apartment. Dan Alone.

This awful movie will never end. If only I could watch it with my only friends. A hip-hop beat kicks in. And Stu and Elliot, rappel down onto the couch while spinning rhymes. Now I'm very busy and I don't have time to write the rest. I'll let you guys take care of the details and wrap it up. Well, I think that's how Steven Sondheim does his shows.

We'll attend the tale of Sweeney Todd and then there's some more after that. It's set up. We'll split the money 60, 40, and you can divvy up your 40 percent. However you like, whoa, whoa, hold on a second. You should probably give Elliott less that she's smaller and doesn't need to eat as much. So really, Henry, yeah, that's terrifying.

You've seen him devour a Popeye's dinner. Imagine a blossom wrapped. Right. First for chicken. A blossom wrapped who has forgotten his table manners. Uh, thank you. Maybe he was hit on the head with a brick. That's me eating chicken. Yeah. I, I like this idea. Flop exclamation point.

Yeah. I'm Broadway. Yeah. Starring. I don't know. A tit's up to have in review. Um, who who's going to play you you Dan? Yeah, who it stars? Well Like the Severus Leo Norbrett Leo butts actually you know it would be norval Leo butts first do I'm getting thinking huge Ackman

Okay, yeah, that's a good and for me And for me, Wala Sean should be available. Wow. Wow. Not even a musical performer. I'm gonna say Who's the lead make it up? I mean, yeah, fuck. Oh, so you're what you're saying is that you would have to be played by a guy who's famous and other things and that he would bring a non-broadway crowd to the flock. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. I guess he's Jack. So like one of those hoodie in the blow, blowfish.

Well, blow shits. And playing me the entire band who'd he in the blowfish one of those John poppers. Yeah playing me John poppers So this next letter no no, I would be played by kid everyone knows that yeah, you can be played by that Floyd is Jake Louisville Jake Lloyd was just arrested was Rested no, he's a grown man. I watch problem arrested. You'll be played. You'll be arrested. No, he's a grown man. I watch problem, child. You're played by that funhouse, fun home kid, even though she's a lady.

I could totally be played by a lady, definitely. Yeah, well, it's gender-blank casting. Gender-blank casting? Yeah. Fill in the blank with a gender. Junior-blank casting. Dear Robert J. Floppinheimers. J. Robert Floppinheimers.

Supplow. Supplow. Supplow. Supplow, if you will. Dan, I think is it time for you to hand over the letter reading duties? I think that Jen strikes in your out-element. I think that the joy that you get from this sort of thing

says no. I'm just, I'm now I'm starting to worry about your health. I said, I went through the joy that you get from the sort of thing says no, it's not. I'm now starting to worry about your health. I said, I went through the whole first letter, which is very long. It's true. Without any. Who could read to you? You're gonna have to rewrite it all. Suppose a deranged millionaire offered you each $7,000 for write a screenplay for.

That's not very much. Who you're in? I'm a deranged millionaire, but I'm also a cheapskate. Weirdly listed about my finances. It's a Scrooge McDuck figure. It doesn't want to pay too much. I suppose a deranged millionaire offered you each $7,000 to write a screenplay for a sports movie.

Mary Floppy and Steve last name without. So I think that we were supposed to. Supposedly. Oh, man. There's no question there. It's been out. As not sports people, what are sports movie might be? Well, mine would be about curling,

because I did it once. Stole it. Stole it from what? Have you ever curled? No, but I wait, you were going to say curling? Yeah. Oh, weird. Well, as Have you ever curled? No, but I, wait, you weren't going to say curling? Yeah, oh, weird. Well, as someone who has curled, I'm going to take it and it would be called curled up.

And it would be about, it's basically major league but for curling, right? No, it's step up but for curling. Oh. So there's like a girl who's like a real, prissy curler and then there's a guy a guy from the streets curling and they have to get together do a curling team that wins Yeah, now I remember that when I was in Little league the big attraction the kids version of Major League. Yeah, the big attraction for me as a

a junior baseball player By the way, my specialty was getting walked as a junior baseball player. By the way, my specialty was getting walked. Because I knew that no one at that age was a good pitcher. So I'm just like, I'm just going to stand here and I am going to get walked. I'm just going to stand right in front of the catcher.

It worked every time. So the main attraction for me. I like to think you were really cocky about it as a kid too. You'd get hit and you'd walk and you'd be like, or like, they throw. That's a different thing. They'd get a hit. Yeah, it wasn't any hit by the pitch.

I was leaning in. Now, it's funnier to me if you lean in the game. All right. Or they throw four balls and you'd walk and then you'd just be like, doing finger guns at the pitcher. Just like, woo! The opposing team coach is like, oh, shit. He figured out our weakness.

That were kids and we're not goodness. Yeah. I was like, good job, belly itcher. Now I'm on first base. So only three more bases to go. One quarter of the way home. Yeah, so you know what? He represents the cycles of life in rural America, idiot. Hey mom, get dinner ready.

I'm home soon. You know, the story was gonna go somewhere else But now that I'm I'm talking about I realize that it's a better sports movie It's about a guy who just specializing in getting walk Walter Texas baseball player What was the story you were gonna tell no, I was just gonna say that the main attraction of me in playing little league was After every game winner lose we would go get snow cones. I mean, you could skip one out of the middle of it.

The land is to the frozen desserts. Like when you're a kid, when you're a kid, snow cones are mad. That's like one step up from like just really cold orange slices. After every game, the coach would give us a handful of ice chips. Sure, but it's up to the new kids. Kill yourself down, kids. Get all hot and bothered putting your mouth rubbed on your face. I don't care.

After every game, the coach would let us stick our heads in his freezer for a couple seconds. And oh man, was it cool? Yeah, but I was going to say the by sports movie would be about a lonely, a lonely snow covener who finds love. I mean, it's ancillary to sports. What do you got Stuart? Game. He'd give us a pretzel. What do you get, Stuart? I was going to give us a pretzel.

Just what in between all of us? I mean, I was just going to do something about a Topless Beach volleyball team. Well, that's a great idea for a movie. That's a movie. All right, so. Would you call it the Keeney Ball? Volleyball bikinis?

I guess Topless bikini volleyball is the best. I think it would be spike exclamation point. There's boobies. There's boobies. So there's boobies part of the title or that's what it says on the box. Like it's all spiking it. And then the slogan is there's boobies.

You gotta tell the video writers. That's why I need you around, Ellie. You gotta he jazz up my shit. Ellie. He jazzed up my shit. Yeah, he jazzed us up your shit. So this next letter, it's the poops you don't poop. That's the secret to jazz. This next letter is titled, Elliot isn't idiot. You're stupid.

Sorry if this is late, but I just wanted to say that Elliot Caelin is a moron. He can't tell the difference between Old World monkeys and New World monkeys. How's this for a clue, fuckface? It earns very well earned. Old World monkeys don't have pre-enciled tales and New World monkeys do. Also, Old World monkeys live in Africa and New World monkeys don't. Jesus, it's like he hasn't even- I know the difference between the Old World Mucky's live in Africa and New World Mucky's don't. Jesus, it's like he hasn't been-

I know the difference between the Old World and the New World. It's like he hasn't even dedicated his life to the intricacies of anthropology. In conclusion, Elliot sucks. Dan rules, Stuart Dhrulls, but in a sexy way, so it evens out. Yours in the entire- The hood of Dan heads, Darth Cone. How's that going? So that guy's earned his snow cone after that bird. No. Yeah. Yeah. I hope the coach took him out for it for an Italian ice

After that one now here's the thing. I thought anthropology was the study of human civilizations Oh boy, Darth Kent Conan she got burned maybe I'm wrong and maybe it's the study of all apes or primates or what have you? Primates and also old Mucky's So it's not even a pun Because apes are already primates Whatever it is you don't know the difference between different types of monkeys. I'm gonna have decided with a letter writer on this one I'll allow it.

So this last letter, oh, the final letter. It goes like this. I feel like I must preface this letter. No. By saying that I'm neither a friend of Mads Michelson, nor a drunken horse trainer. So I hope this letter does not immediately disappoint. I'm a writer, which means I work from home

while caring for my two sons, three years old, and 18 months. For a time, which means I work from home while caring for my two sons three years old and 18 months For a time the youngest would only sleep when in the car as a result We took a lot of long car rides and I entertain myself by listening to podcasts yours is one of my favorites Thanks buddy. Thanks the other day my oldest boy was humming a song and randomly shouted. This is my favorite song I assume he meant a Bob Dylan tune. It's a current obsession of his. Yeah, kids love Bob Dylan. Oh, it does like Bob Dylan?

Yeah, apparently. Or one of the many... I... What's the... I... I... I don't know mine. I just kinda think it was specific band, like good.

Or one of the many nursery... I assumed he meant C and C music factory. Nice, he meant the Miami Sun machine. Or one of the many nursery rhymes we listened to together. But no, when I asked which song he excitedly answered the letter song. I mean, yes, your podcast was playing at the time. This means two things. Number one, ruined his taste of music forever. I can no longer listen to your podcast with my three-year-old around as I do not When I'm telling his friends about the great ding dong ripping scene in castle freak

Though as it doesn't want those kids to find us are Don't you learn out on the streets of the playground you learn to be watching castle freak though as I write primarily horror fiction I'm sure he will eventually find Stuart Gordon's uvra on his own when's much older. And number two, Elliot has a better singer. We're getting all snippets of this guy's life. Elliot has a better singer than you give him credit for. That's a good writer, by the way. Slowly teasing it out. Elliot, any plans for a recording album?

I think you would be a hit in the toddler age group. Thanks for a great podcast. Keep him coming, Lisa, last name with hell. Wow, a real pushpill pull for you, this letter's gone. Yeah, that's a bit of an emotional thing. You break him down and he build them back. Yeah, yeah, it's a regular full metal jacket or something. The, I will say, my son likes it when I sing to him,

but I don't make up songs for him and I should be doing that. I mean, you're his dad. If he doesn't like it, then I feel like there's a real serious problem. I don't want my dad singing to me. You're not a babe. You're not a little I've been called a babe, but I don't I need to make up more songs for him because right now I'm mostly singing a little kid songs or right now you're mostly singing Danzig, which is not. Yeah, yeah, mother. He goes mama and I'm like, it's not take it easy easy kid. Don't don't step on my song here But mostly I've been singing him lately leathering bat the English folk song, or I guess maybe it's an American folk song that

Peter and Paul Mary have on their kids album It's about a bad iso. It's about a variety of different animals who tell you how How lost loves have made them what they are today All right, but he likes a lot song a single I'm changing his diapers to keep him from putting his hand in his own poop You sing that song about how Charlie gets stuck on the MTA Yeah, we do actually. Yeah, we do sing in that a lot Kid songs. Yeah All right, oh

They grew up so fast. I'm fast songs do we sing them oh and fuck like a beast yeah yeah that's it so those have been letters from listeners no man they're done okay if you write letter maybe you're one of them I don't know one of you don't corner me of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you one of you All right. So she's the sheriff. Yeah, I shot the sheriff. Really? That's why that guy's bugging you about a lot. I love the jet. I love the deputy alone. Oh, okay.

He's a good pronoun. Yeah. I was like, okay, I pronounce it not worth wasting a bullet on. So this is the part of the podcast where we recommend movies that we actually liked. Okay. I'm like Jupiter or Sanding. Okay, what do you got Stuart?

I'm going to recommend a movie I swore. I swore I recommend on an earlier bus. I swore I would never recommend. Oh God, strike me dead. Long time recommender. First time recommending this movie. Anyway, it's called the big chill So I'm there's a lot of what a buzz out there about a horror movie starring one of those duplasses called creep

So I'm gonna recommend a TLC song I got excited when I heard that because I thought they were talking about an older movie from 2004 called creep Which I liked a lot. And I saw I recommended it, but I haven't. So I'm going to recommend it anyway. So not the duplass one. No, I haven't watched that yet, but I want to. The one I'm recommending is called Creep.

It's directed by Christopher Smith, the guy who directed a previous recommendation Black Death and Severance. Severance. Severance, sorry. Black Death was the movie also starring the bean machine. Oh right, yeah. John Bean. The Bean Machine. And it is a creep is a movie where Fronke Potente gets harassed and stalked in the

creep in the subway by What seems like a normal creep and then that normal creep totally gets murdered by an actual super underground creep Oh, and the movie is kind of like you don't worry about you know you're watching a movie called creep and there's a bloody subway Carina you know it's gonna be terrible But it's kind of like the movie that I wish Midnight meat train had been if it hadn't had all the shitty CGI blood. I gotta say I kind of enjoy midnight meat train. That's kind of a fun. Yeah. It's all right. It's not as good as creep. So go. It's not as good as a creep. It does not live up to the title midnight

meat train, which is a fantastic title. Yeah. Well, like there's a band called the Exploding Eye Orchestra. It's not as good as their name. We saw the trailer for Midnight Meat Train together. Yeah, before another thing. Before Rambo, I think. Yeah. I forget which one of us was like. Same type of trainers on them.

I was like, I think all my pieces were full. We made both of them said that Midnight Meat Train. Yeah, I think that might have made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that.

We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that.

We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. We made both of them said that. Ella. Those are much more fun. No, like, Bars are opera. You only Barbara Ella. Yeah, it's all that stuff with the dolls that are trying to bite or skin off.

I don't know. That's genuinely terrifying. Yeah, it's too scary. So Elliot's a was. But the point is, call me was. If you want to start something about the sea that commands wasses to go to it. My book, movie was there's just something really fun about Flash Gordon takes the same old time space opera stuff that George Lucas turned into Star Wars, but takes it more literally since Flash Gordon was an old property. And it's got a flop house connection since we all wrote a Flash Gordon comic, which

has recently been collected so go buy a bunch of But uh, it's actually got a great performance by Brian blessed in the middle of it. Sure. And uh, if you want like a weirdly sexy uh, can't be Opera, why don't you see Barbara? Well, it's not weirdly sexy at all. It's just normal sexy. We usually sexy about it She didn't find us just taking a close-off all the time in it and having sex with me Opera, why don't you see Barbara? No, we're at least sexy at all. It's just normal sexy. We usually sexy about it. Jane Finer's just taking her clothes off all the time and having sex with me. Well, but also like they put her in like in our orgasm

atron where someone plays the piano when she has an orgasm as a result of it. She's shaking his head like totally normal. So you're still in the middle of me? I thought you were gonna say. I have sex every few nights. I thought you were gonna say, make it a double feature, Flesh Gordon and Flesh Gordon too.

No. But for my money, more fun, stupid science fiction movies. Really it. I will also recommend the movie that is kind of like what I wish Jupiter sending was, which is also a stupid science fiction movie that is campy at much of the time.

This is a movie called The Visitor, which listeners of the Doug Love's movies episodes that I was on may remember me talking about. It's from 1979. And through the whole movie while I was watching it, I was like, this feels like a science fiction giolo movie, except it's got, it's set in the United States and it's got an all-American cast.

The cast is like John Houston and Mel Ferrer and Glenn Ford and Shelley Winters and Lance Henrichson. Like, it's all the, it's this weird cast of all the people and it's a movie about a, there's a, oh and Franco Nero appears in it as some kind of space Jesus. And they explain that Satan is an evil alien who was turned into a flock of birds and has scattered his descendants around the earth. And now the newest one who has his power is this evil little girl who this secret organist conspiracy is trying to give her a brother. And she is both evil, but at times it's also just kind of a girl This secret, organ, conspiracy is trying to give her a brother

and she is both evil, but at times it's also just kind of a girl and doing, wants to do girl stuff like go ice skating and that there's this, and the whole time, I was like this feels like an Italian movie and in terms of everyone behind the scenes who made it was Italian. But it's got this, it keeps hovering back and forth between good, bad movie and movie I kind of like where there's a bunch

of really goofy scenes and there's a lot of it doesn't make sense, but then there are scenes that are like really ominous in a powerful way. And the soundtrack is awesome. The soundtrack is great in it. And there are a lot of beautiful shots in it. There's this scene where there's an evil truck that's about to kidnap her mom that like,

well, there's kind of, it's the truck is full of bad people the truck itself is I'm sure the truck itself is but she is wearing sunglasses in the backseat this girl purely so that the truck's headlights can be reflected just in one lens of the sunglasses as if she is projecting this evil force out of her eye in the form of this trend. And like, it's a beautifully shot scene and like, the shooting in it is gorgeous a lot of time. But then you also have Shelly Winters

as this made character who works for John Houston, who is this alien god type figure who just kind of walks around all the time. John Houston's great in that movie. He spends most of them, and we just walk around and looking at things. And Shelley Winters just slaps the girl at one point. Like, it's super campy, but the other music is great in it.

And there's a scene set at an ice skating rink where she just kind of casually commits mayhem for no reason, just because why not? She's a kid. And there was something very strong about it. There's almost no dialogue in the scene. So the visitor, it's a weird movie. You're gonna laugh at it, and other times you'd be like, oh, that was neat. Sue, it's not like you've seen this movie.

Yeah, I can't remember if I recommended it, but a flamp house listener actually, I don't remember the listener's name off hand, but was kind enough to say, the lodgies, please. Was kind enough to say. That's a lot of these, please. Was kind enough to leave a copy of the Blu-ray at Charlene's for me. Oh, well. I have watched it a couple times.

And see, and I had to record off turn of classic movies like a song. Oh, it's great on Blu-ray, dude. It's available, I believe, on Amazon Prime right now, actually. Oh, okay. You can check it out. It's not gonna be its crisp, though. You want a crisp. Like a fresh, like an apple, like an apple in the fall.

Yeah, a pink lady apple. I should also mention that Kreme Abdul Jibar and Sam Peckinpa make cameos. Except Sam Peckinpa, all of his dialogue had to be re-recorded because he was super drunk. Like me. Anyway, moving on to the final segment of the podcast, which is saying goodbye. I mean, I thought recommendations of the final segment. Oh, so saying goodbye. Why is it sad?

Makes us remember the good times we had. Muppet's take manhand. Yeah. How come one L.A. sings song? He doesn't explain where the song he just sang. Because it's going to be made up both inside my head. Wait, he's been making those songs up all along. I thought those were bril buildings.

The old tinpan L.A. stuff. For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. Hey, you know me. I'm still tin. Yeah. It's down with OPP. Hey girl, it's L.A. stupid. You're down with OPP. Hey girl, it's Elliot Kayle and saying goodbye. Good night everyone.

Explosion. Jupiter ascended. What kind of stuff do you have to do tonight? Hot cast. What kind of stuff do we have to do tonight? I have a point. Podcast. Do you... Did you remember to download those ads? And what about the matters?

Did you now download those ads? It's true, we got possessed by the ghost of not dead singer Milo. That is a lot of odd things. Dan's got the ads to download and he's gonna read him. And then he'll read him right here for now, because he's got, that's Milo. Your star is slow, and then you go back like this for no reason, and then you're back to slow again.

That's Milo. Let's do that in one second. No, that was a treat-loaf. Thank you. A treat-William Williams, if you will. I won't. He can stay in my movie box and not in my room. What?

A treat will is in my room that I would be too districed to do anything else. You want to be making out with him? I mean, just wonder why he's there. I'd be like, shouldn't you be substituting somebody? Three. We didn't mention the rocket shoes. Two. We didn't know. Yeah, we're not gonna write shoes.

We're gonna give it this whole thing. Tonight, we watch rocket shoes the movie. We'll be walking home and be like, DOOOOOOY! We're not gonna talk about them rocket boots! Hello, buddies. I'm Travis McRoy. And I'm Andy Boltz.

And we're the host of Bunker Buddies. We're a podcast where we're amateur survivalists and we talk about things like the apocalypse. And we talk about zombies and preparedness. What do you get out where when it's the apocalypse? And you have no idea if you don't listen to our show. It comes out every Wednesdays on MaximumFund.org and on iTunes. Sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things.

Yeah, so listen to us because it might just save your life. We'll see you in the bunker. Bye!