The Flop House - Ep. #184 - Drive Hard

Episode Date: August 8, 2015

Take two faded stars, put them in an Aussie C-picture, and encourage them to improvise wildly, and what do you get? The oddly compelling Drive Hard. Meanwhile Elliott improves various movies by adding a little vitamin C(age), Dan reveals what the H.P. in H.P. Lovecraft stands for, and Stuart almost gets Billy Joel lyrics right.Movies recommended in this episode:My Brilliant CareerBreaker MorantThe Dirty DozenThe Interview (1998)

On tonight's show we watched Drive Angry with Nicholas Cage. We watched Drive Hard, John Q.sack. It was a white line nightmare. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. We did it guys, I'm Stuart Wellington. We can continue to do something, I don't know what we did, but I'm going McCoy. We did it guys. I'm steward Wellington. We continue to do something. I don't know what we did. I'm doing a K-Land. Every time you're really proud of something. We accomplished what we started. I'm done. Oh, you sure. We got a great slam. For our South American listeners what he's saying is go go go

hmm uh... so this is it's comma city's liquor to the legend of Perleys a lot of people that know that they're all saying that's what they're saying that you never hear them finish it they go go yeah it's too excited by the goal that just happened

yeah it's like a city's liquor to the liquor like, just to the like, they're talking about the movie gold starring Roger Moore. Not at all. Roger Moore. There's got an awesome opening credit sequence though. Yeah, sure. That's awesome.

The movie, the folks. The movie that stutters its title. But we didn't watch any Roger Moore movie tonight. No, we watched Roger less. Because movie was Roger less. Um, we watched someone named Roger involved. Probably Roger Sterling from Mad Men. No, that's a fictional character.

So no, okay. Uh, Roger Zalazni. Yeah. This is a, of the Amber's books. He got me wrote the original story. Short story that was adapted to the screenplay of... Drive angry. 3D.

No, right. Right in our... Number one. Playing at. That's not the movie that we watched. What movie did we watch, Dan? All right, this is a podcast we watched a bad movie and we talk about it.

And in this case, we watched a movie called Drive Hard. And now it doesn't sound like a movie. Hard. Now, here watched a movie called Drive Hard. And now it doesn't sound like a movie. Hard. Now here's the thing. Drive erect. Ah, that's why you picked it. Three things are the movie. One, it's technically not out in theaters yet. We watch it on man, unfortunately.

It comes out in October. I don't think it's ever. You get released. It released, it is listed, dude. October 3rd. I feel like this movie I saw trailers for. It's like, you hear it's a good, good one. Drive hard. Yeah, yeah, when you were a kid, you I saw trailers for it. It's like hard not salt. It's a drive hard. Yeah, yeah, when you were a kid, you had a vision of it.

It was a real Freddy three dream movie. I was just getting pushed back and it's been on demand for quite some time. So for them to put it out the after three now. People keep demanding it. It would be very strange. Yeah, they're just trying to find that perfect window. Now drive hard. Right after Ricky and the Flash.

Sorry, movie is a dream. It's all about a mom who's also a rock star and she teams up with superhero the Flash. That is not what we just watched. No, that's not. We watched Drive Hard, which is perhaps the softest driving movie I've ever seen. Yeah, doubt yourself.

As I said, this tour, we're watching it. This is the, this is the warm bath of action movies. If never wants to make it too thrilled or too worried, it's pretty easy going. Kind of movie where it's a, got drive, the name is Drive Hard. The main character is a car race race car driver.

Car driver Thomas, James, by Thomas Jane, the man who was named backwards is a girl's name Jane Thomas and He does that's really interesting. You never tried particularly fast But it's also got John parentheses not Joan Q. Zach. Okay John Q. Zach who is kind of a He's kind of like if you took Thomas Jane and John Qsac and mashed them together,

you'd kind of have one Nicholas Cage. You'd have some leftovers. I'm not saying that would only make one Nicholas Cage. Maybe with some little generic bits, were you just saying there'd be extra Nicholas Cage they weren't taken care of? Well, that'd be a little sad. Yeah, if he served in a little side card.

Extra parts of them would be leftover. Like, you know, like there's waste products. Thomas Jane's hair. Yeah, he's only got 10 fingers. He doesn't need 20 fingers. That's crazy. It's kind of double cage. Man, you said there are four things that I don't remember what the other thing is. Okay. Well, off to our roaring. So Nicholas, so John Cusack is playing the, well, they're, yeah, they're both kind of

playing the Nicholas Cage parts in this. It's about a former race car driver. Oh my God. Wouldn't this have been great if Nicholas Cage played both parts in this. It's about a former race car driver who is now- Oh my God. Wouldn't this have been great if Nicolas Cage played both parts? Yes, but every movie would be better if Nicolas Cage played both parts. Name a movie that wouldn't be better if Nicolas Cage played both, Rain Man, better.

King Kong versus Godzilla, better. Is it Girl Friday? Better. Yeah, I could see it. Twins, not as good, because the joke that their twins that are on a like would be ruined, because they'd both be Nicholas Cage. Unless you use prosthetic makeup and computer generated

effects to make one a super strong Nicholas Cage and one a little kind of stout, fat, Nicholas Cage. And everyone's like, this is a weird, free quilted adaptation. It doesn't seem to make any. Dirty dancing would have been great with two Nicholas Cage's. Pretty's both baby and Patrick Saisy and baby's dead.

Jerry, you're back. No one puts me in the corner. Unless it's me, I guess. I could put me in the corner. If I sat over here, I'm part, wait, hold on. I have to lift myself up at the end of the dance, and I'm how I'm gonna do about the physics of this so terrible impression they're all already they're all pretty bad one of their movies would be better if Nicholas Cage was in it kind of all of them right yeah oh well revisit this later at the end of

the show it's kind of hard we won't revisit this in our dreams forever listeners call in and will will update the podcast. Yeah, just as we did their run event. They went a rod on later on. A rod. Just a correction Stuart was wearing pants. Wow, that is not very erotic. Well, it was a correction of the erotic context. Oh, okay. It's more erotic for me. I get to imagine what's under there. Because the sexiest thing is what you can't see.

That's why the sexiest movie ever made is The Invisible Man. I was going to say Casper, but then that's a child ghost. Oh, yeah. So, nice self-added. And the sexiest author is Each Me Love Cram. Yeah, because everything is indescribable. Oh, I was like, why? Because of this.

I mean, a certain number of his elder gods are essentially ambulatory, super powerful vaginas. So, I mean, what can you do? Sexy. It is issues. It's weird that a guy just loves craft is not neurotic. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. So, anyway. Lovecraft is not neurotic So anyway, you know what? Why do we just call you HP? Everyone to the thing I'm a he will look Packard Lovecraft. That's not my name

I'm gonna make fun of my name. That's from the HP Lovecraft story Jimmy Stewart I got a respectable name like Humphapena. I think of Emma Grinsome and other minority groups as kind of subhuman, and I've made their real life into indications of cosmic horrors. Tell me this, tell me this, Madeline. What's scarier than a four-so, so, malevolent and powerful.

It crushes you, not out of malevolent feeling itself, but just because it doesn't even notice you. It always goes to Don Nott's before ending on time. That's one of better. I better do it, too. I want to take the moon down from the skirt stars. You can swallow it and let the light shine out your fingertips so you can scare away

Narlathote and Koli Chaos. I was talking about like, it's a wonderful life recently. How about how it came? Let's get back on time. No way, hold on. There's that scene where like the great scene where they open up the pool under the people dancing and they do it because like the one guy has like been jilted by Mary and not really jilted but like Jimmy Stewart has stolen her away.

And it's not that he knows that there's a pool under there. There's a guy standing down there being like, stole your girl, huh? My interest you to know that there's a pool under it. And it's just like, is he just there waiting to stir the shit? Like, has there been five guys before him with the same problem that was carrying hamburgers I would imagine after their names say five guys. Yeah, I Assume that was Satan himself coming to play a trick on old George Bailey

Yeah, you know what now I started to think that Harvey is some kind of a shogoo on another plane of reality And maybe that's why nobody could see him except except Jimmy Stewart who would use that machine from from beyond. Yep. Oh man. More names. My name's Herbert West. I call a real animator. It's way more done. It's still done that's from. You would have been a great re-enfered Herbert West. The ghost and Mr. Cthulhu. Sure. Well, it is a tragedy that Jimmy Stewart was never forced to say the word to shotgun. I now I really like I regret that the Golden Age of Hollywood didn't see an HP Lovecraft adaptation. There wasn't an HP Lovecraft based movie until the last minute.

That's a good idea. It's a good one. Yeah, except that he died before sound came in. All right. HP Lovecraft's best work was still ahead of him. Kind of I think I don't remember how the timeline works out We should probably get back to the movie action. So we watched this movie hard drive no drive part I'm going to be a drive hard was originally titled hard drive exactly and Thomas James says it's been a hard drive

But if someone someone laid in the process like oh this means something else now with computers Oh, let's let's Originally written computers didn't exist. The director Brian Trecher says like, well, let's do we owe Don't know. But we do take the words and put them around. Anyway, I'm doing terrible. Lost early in Palm Academy.

But so drive hard is the story of uh... thomas jane playing the steves on type character and do you know john q's at playing the very specific bill marie in where the buffalo row type character like uh... thomas jane is a former risk hard driver who gave up his dangerous career for his wife and child now he's a driving instructor married to a lawyer who doesn't respect him

and he has a daughter who goes to an uppity Private school where she dresses like she just walked out of Madeline or Mary Poppins or something and his wife kind of looks like one of those Nagle prints you see in the window of a hair salon a little bit. Yeah, like a blonde very severe Nagle print Except whereas Nagle girl always like she's she looks like she's up for some Durandoran and cocaine this woman does not She is up to dangerous. Too dangerous. Please get those, get those, try, drive softer please. Get those pink neon triangles and purple swiggles away from Evelies. You can poke it out with those 80s graphic elements.

So the, of course, Thomas James shows up to work after driving his daughter to school. And he finds that there's a client that's asked for him specifically. It's John Qzak smoking an electronic vape cigarette thing. Looking for all the world like Uncle Duke from Dunesbury to show it up in a car. And here's the thing about those vape cigarette things. They always look like a job of the hut space hookup. So every character looks like they just stopped off

at like the space tobacco mist for some astro juice or something. This space tobacco list is full of space eels. Is that space money by the life? That is space money by the life. My space nipples explode with space delight. Ministry of silly walks in space would have been great. I mean, the main thing that makes the silly walk in accomplishment is gun because gravity is no longer fighting you.

But think about how silly those walks could be. That's true. They could be really silly. Uh, we, because in space, no one can hear you walk. I just want to take a moment to set up that one out and talk about what's for sponsors. I'm fairly started. All right. You keep going out. I'll get, I'll get to what I'll get to what I'll get to.

What are you going to say? Say it. No, no, where are we? Well, you remember, we were about 10 minutes. We started a movie called Drive-Award. OK, so John Cusack. We're in Australia. And I'm going to just say this.

Cut to a shot of guys win surfing. Yeah, for no reason. Thomas Jane and John Cusack have delightful chemistry. And fully half their scenes seem to be almost completely ad-libbed We're just them like there's a scene that goes on forever of John Q.s. Eck trying to buckle his seatbelt and it not long-time John Q.s. Eck takes Thomas Jane on a wild ride in the car breaking all the rules Even breaking them to electric boogaloo you might say although I guess like that implies an electric car and it's not, it's not a Tesla or anything.

It turns out that he's done his research on Thomas Chain. He knows he was a former race car driver, gave everything up, and now he regrets it. John Q's ex says, hey, if you can just drive, Thomas Chain doesn't like it, he feels creeped out, so John Q's ex says, drive me back to this driving school, but first let's stop at the bank. I just need to make a withdrawal. But what Thomas Jane doesn't know, but he should have known considering his client for the day is dressed like Hunter S Thompson is wearing black driving gloves.

And they're like underarm or gloves. They look like the kind of gloves you'd wear to play football or I don't know, strangle somebody. Or to drive. It's Hunter Somsen crossed with John Qsaxx own character from Gross Point blank. Yeah. I mean, to the degree that I wouldn't be surprised if John Qsaxx was like, you know what? This is my secret is this is an unofficial sequel. I'm playing the same character. Gross your point blanker. Yeah.

And so much of his scenes with Thomas Jane is just him babbling nonsense. And Thomas Jane kind of taking it seriously. Yeah. He'd be like, oh wow, really? Oh man, that's crazy. It's, you're never sure when the camera's stop rolling or start rolling, it might just be Thomas Jane and John Q.Z.

hanging out in the car set that was built. Well, it feels like, uh, because usually I think John Q.Z. spends most of the movie sitting down in the car. John Q's act feels like he's like the world's first hipster uh robber like he's doing this is just sort of like a fun project. Yeah, fuck with this guy. Sure. The uh, there's the bank robberies. He goes he goes he drops off the bank and he robs the bank. And the bank robberies scene is a masterpiece

of being very obviously in a low budget movie. We're in John Q's egg just kind of like glides into the front door, cut to, he's already at the vault in a room by himself. Just saturated film of him opening the vault. He opens the vault in very tight close-ups, and then there's like an alarm goes off. There's a tight shot of people's feet running on the ground. John Q's egg fires into the air.

You don't know if any of these people are in the same room. And John Qsack leaves the building. And you're like, all those shots could have been shot in different years for all I know. I'm different continents. This is the first heist I've ever seen done entirely in insert shot. Scott McLeod would be super impressed

with the economy of storytelling here. The viewers is doing so much of the work in building up what this heist is. I mean, you see almost none of it. The super fun cognitive dissonance of this movie, though, is that it's completely chock full of those, like, I'm a film student making a movie on like $500, like, tricks, but it also has Thomas Jane and John Q.

Second, who you've seen in real actual movie. And actual, well, John Q. Second's a big star. Thomas Jane never quite made it to that next level. He was always about to break through. He was always a punisher, never a punisher wore his out. Exactly. He's kind of like the Gretchen Mall of actors as those actresses and that everyone was like,

this is the next big guy and it just never. Well, maybe. Maybe he'll have his Betty Page. Maybe, yeah. Maybe he'll. The movie that where you watch it because he's nude in it. Yeah He should hold you the way he gets nude in the movie. I think he's he's a new standard. They're like a men's health Bodybuilding magazine from like the 50s like sort of like closeted game magazine. Is there a model he could play?

I have to assume Notorious Bernie page like, closeted game magazine. Is there a model he could play? You know, probably pick. I have to assume so. Mary here in the notorious Bernie page. Yeah. He's a got a big mustache and like kind of a pop belly. He was a mag manager by David. Anyway, so John Q's acts like, uh, he's just shooting in the at cops. And he's like, okay, now you are my getaway driver.

You are going to, you're going to drive me around. I've stolen all this, now you are my getaway driver. You are gonna, you're gonna drive me around. I've stolen all this, this is a suitcase full of nine million. We're gonna drive around this town and let the cops chase us around. Which they kind of do, but the chase never really exceeds more than what like, 35 miles an hour. Yeah, 35 miles an hour. 40 miles an hour. And I don't know what that is in kilometers for hour, but that's what they probably use. It's like a million I think, a million kilometers an hour.

Lomitors are very small. They, this movie is so. I don't know what that is in kilometers for hours, but that's what they probably use. A million, I think. A million kilometers an hour. Lombers are very small. They, this movie is so. We drive around a couple sets that they obviously rented for the weekend. That's the, it's so low budget that it's like, okay, now it's the sequence at the Marina Docks. Drive around, drive around, drive around,

we'll cut this footage together later to look like a chase sequence. It'll be, it'll be the same spot, but we're gonna throw water all over it. Okay, now we're in the storage, but we're going to throw water all over it. Okay. Now we're in the storage lockerers area, drive around, drive around, fire the gun out the window every now and then. We'll just cut it together.

We'll cut it together later. It reminds me of a story I think John Ford used to tell where if they were waiting for script pages or when he was first starting out making westerns, not later, but when he was making kind of cheaper westerns earlier, maybe it was Alan Chwan. You know, I think it was Alan Chwan in Toltzury. They had like, they were like, we're waiting for the script. You know what? All you guys ride your horses up the street this way.

Okay, now ride them back that way. We'll cut that footage in somehow later. Like as long as I'm shooting footage, a horse is running somewhere, we can use it later. It feels like that with cars in this one. I think I've told this story. Well, John, he's like in town, Jane, just babble at each other.

Anyway. No, I think I've told this story maybe on the five guys before. So this is a twice told tale. I just can't remember. But I remember reading that like every episode of the Rockford Files had a car chase in it because they didn't know how long the strips

were going to come in. So they could just expand or shrink the car chase sequence to make sure they're exactly one hour. So this sort of technique has been passed down through the generations. From the early days of silent westerns to the rockered files to drive hard. Truly a torchbearer. So it's not long before the news hits the news that Thomas Jane and John Q's echo on the run the police are After him, but then they're called off because it feels it turns out John Q's X stole the money from a corrupt mafia bank That also once hired him to steal a diamond and at this point I thought they're gonna try to steal that diamond back

Nope, this movie doesn't have the budget for a fake diamond. So instead they're just stealing, he went to jail because they sold him out and so now he's stealing money, he feels a bunch of bearer bonds. $9 million in bear bonds, which I assume entitles you to a bear. When you turn it into a bear bank. Yeah, I mean at least one. $9 million bears. This gotta be a pretty good bear.

I mean, there's those top bears. There's that bear in the world. Yeah, but what would a good bear. Like, you know, there's top bears. There's that many bears in the world. Yeah, but what would a top bear be? A hand is the rarest. I would imagine a Teddy Rucksman, because he can talk until stories. And it's not actually a bear, though. What is it then?

It looks like a bear. I mean, it's bear-like. It's bear-like. Are you saying it's barely a bear? Like, in that magazine, you didn't bear it. You just said that. That's terrible. That magazine is barely legal, which is about bears that have not committed crimes.

It's about bears that barely look like bears. They mostly look like very young women. But they look a little bit like bears. I guess that's very specific fetish that I'm sure actually exists. Kind of bear-like women. Or I guess they'd be like anthropomorphic female bears. Yeah, it's like one of those.

Yeah, it's like that no girls allowed bear and seen bears book. Wait, what? You didn't read that bear and seen bears book where girls weren't loud in the boys' clubhouse. They're getting gross about a child's fictional character. He was talking about anthropomorphized bears. Everyone were talking about anthropomorphized bears. Everyone's talking about underage bears.

But it is sexy way. We never get to see what's under the bear. You all know how old those bears are. They call them kids, but in bear years, they could be centuries old. I don't know, bear doesn't have to. You gotta cut them in half and count the rings. You don't know what those mental age of those bears are.

Those bears could have old souls. Yeah. You know what? They're mature beyond their years and really isn't that what accounts. That character is creepy bear. Yeah. Creepy pedophile bear lover, which I assume is what like John Muir was maybe. I don't know.

Anyway, just kidding. John Muir is a great man. Anyway, so long story short, the head of the bank calls off the police because they're corrupt, but that doesn't stop the federal police represented by a tough sexy lady from getting to arguments with the state police. And at this point, we're introduced

to the least interesting subplot of the movie, which is there's a corrupt policeman who's in conflict with this woman FBI type agent. This, the movie just forgets about for long periods of time and we've never just didn't, wasn't there. So the most hilariously abrupt ending too. Where they just all shoot each other.

Yeah, that there's certain things that happen in this movie that are genuinely, and we don't see if any of them survive. We have to assume they all don't. No, I think they're all dead. Like there are things in this movie that are genuinely shocking and it's not necessarily like that they're so inherently shocking It's that you don't expect them out of this movie. Yeah, the thing is Australia is a dangerous place, dude

Yeah, that's we also the Mad Max movies and There's like spiders that'll kill you if they look at your own It waken fear and I feel like most of the tone of this movie like My it's called waken fear in my head he is wages of waken fear it uh... this movie might as well be like one step above the apple bumpling gang for most of it but then every now and then a character be against

had blown up yeah so for instance there's a couple of little mini quests that that are heroes go on as they try to reach some drop-off point that junk he was at needs to go to which is very poorly defined. And even after watching the movie, John Hughes Egg's keeps going, just gotta drive me where I need to go.

I'm not sure where he had it I need to go, just to a boat somewhere, like I'm not sure. But they go to, they- I think the journey is the real thing, dude. Yeah, that's true. Each hard drive starts with a thousand miles or under the speedometer. See, like even now, I was like,

why is he telling me about hard drives? It's gone dry. So I drive hard. So the first of these mini adventures is the tail of the wedding winery. They stop off at a winery where a lesbian wedding is gonna happen. We see a banner that's...

They have to stop because the muscle car they're driving turns out to be out. Yeah, it's a junker. Yeah, John Kiyosek at a certain point has switched out the driving school car they were in from muscle car. He convinces Thomas Chained to keep driving him by shooting him several times with rubber bullets in the butt and the legs and that's what you sit on when you're in a car. Sure. That would impair his driving ability. But you drive well the best drivers it's really the glutes that are doing most of them work. Yeah, your leg you use in a car. Sure, that would impair the driving ability. But you drive well, the best drivers,

it's really the glutes that are doing most of the work. Yeah, like you use that for a car. Because what happens if he breaks his arms and he has to drive with his butt? Yeah, I guess you use pretty much all your body for driving. Not your tongue. Yeah, well, your tongue. Your torso just sort of like inner is kind of like an intermediate part of the it's a little engage you engage your core while you're driving yeah but it's not like you're on a yoga ball or anything well driving I mean you could be you could be a yoga ball car yeah like in Richard Scurries like a a busy busy town healthy place for the yoga Flintstones you gather rolling along while your little feets go on yep So the whole car is a yoga ball. That's right.

You're just sitting on a ball at that point. It's not a car. Yeah. You can hang a giant rack of ribs on the side of that ball right over. Yeah. So anyway, fair enough. I don't even know what we're talking about anymore. So the first, they go to the wine.

The first eventually go to the winery. They say their guests at this wedding hasn't started yet. That it's run by an old man and an old lady who bicker with each other. And conveniently own a muscle car. Yes. They bicker with each other loodly. They use a lot of swear words. The old lady sees on the TV.

Everyone in the movie is on, whether on the TV, the internet, the radio, whatever. They're always tuned into the news pertinent to the plot of the movie channel, where they find out that the people They've just seen our robbers and go after them. So the old lady sees that there's a reward for these robbers and just start shooting a handgun at them Thomas Jane has a she didn't even see it was alive only That she wouldn't get the reward of their dead. Yeah. Yeah, she's she was all she was blinded by dollar signs Sure and blood rage and I'll share her I she was blinded by dollar signs sure and blood rage Yeah, and uh

She's swearing and shooting a gun and Thomas Jane has a fist fight with her and here's there's a not good I'm gonna come clean There's a lot of jokes in this movie. I enjoyed one of them is John Q's act runs to the car and sits in it And while Thomas Jane is struggling with this old lady John Q's acts just he honking the horn as if his friend is dawdling at the house that they're trying to leave. Like Thomas Jane is just wasting time. And so he's fighting this old lady. And Jack he's just like,

Ha, Ha, let's go hurry it up. Like Thomas Jane forgot they needed to run away. So they escape after the old lady accidentally shoots her husband, thus ending the tail of the wedding winery. Until the next Minasso. Please, Ch winery. On to the next minisode. Please, Chaucer, tell us the next tale. And there was the tale of the gas station attendant, gather ye round the fire. And as we go to Beckett's grave, I shall tell thee the tale.

It seems our two heroic gentlemen, rogues though they may be, Thomas of Jane and Qsic of John stopped at a petrol relief station. So as to fuel their horseless carriage for the journey a non, the man at the station, of course, because his computer is set to a desk, a desktop screen saver of the current news shows him that there was a award for these two brigandist gentlemen. He takes out a humped action shotguns and just start shooting left and right.

John Q. Zach sneaks around the back and puts his gun to the gas station. After the wackiest chase around the inside of this tiny little gas station. This is my guess. There's literally like a pile of sacks in the inside of this tiny little gas station. This is my guess. There's literally like a pile of sacks in the middle of the room. And this guy is just chasing Thomas Jane around it. It's like a bug's bunny routine. It's not that far off from the scene where thunder is chasing the guy. In at the end of big trouble in all China, where thunder is chasing Wong back and forth

and just stuff keeps flying out from the science The so John Hughes actually was up and says hey buddy just put the gun down He puts his guns that the guy the guy starts putting his pump back to shotgun down and jostles it too much on the floor And it blows his head off. Yeah, that was a moment I think that was the Christina Hendrix getting it in drive of the movie where I was like whoa I didn't expect that to happen so bloody. Yeah, well, because the cops get killed later on in the movie. So this is just, but Oscar Isaac, it was okay, right?

Nothing bad happens to him, right? Yeah, sure, yeah. I mean, like, imagine what like the scene where the kid gets his head blown off in pulp fiction. Or plant, even plant terror. Oh no, pulp fiction in the car. That's not like, plant terror is the funniest thing ever.

That's like a young guy. Yeah, a young guy. But imagine the shock of that, the first time you saw that, but in a movie, I'm like, a pull-pick-shoot. Yeah, a pull-pick-shoot was like, that hasn't been filled with violence up until that point.

Yeah, that movie that's been pretty relatively bloodless. Yeah. This has been a, except for language. This has been a PG-13 movie. And then a guy's head just gets blown off. As an accident, as a joke, which is pretty great, honestly, like I did not expect it. Yeah.

Yeah, I have to. Thomas Jane had everyone's all crazed about it. Thomas Jane calls his, what has a couple of different phone calls with his wife that go, no, there's a lot of fucking phone calls, dude. That ends the quest of the gas station. Yeah. The quest of the doomed attendance. Now, I think somewhere in there we get to know the villain, the head of the bank, who's

also got another evil crime boss that's like pressurium to get the money back. We don't see what happens. And there's this funny scene where we basically find out what the the villains motivations are and the villain tries to entreat his boss to a drink. And he motions to two glasses of scots that have already been poured and are sitting on his desk, which is just a great little bit of set dress. I also shot from the night before, but yeah, sure, it's still good. It's, I mean, you don't need to put it in the fridge, you know, just put us on. You didn't leave it out. It's a sex itself.

That's the great thing about scotch. Your mouth is dirtier than those glasses are right now. There's also the scene earlier where I think it's that same boss is in a meeting and he's just asking questions to this room of full people and he's like, where's the double points? What's the SNP on this? Who's got the, you know, the profit drive? And it's clear that- We're an important business.

Who's involved in this business? Business stuff, money things. And you can tell that everyone in the room is an extra who is not being paid to say dialogue. So he's just barking out questions that nobody answers to make it look like a meeting is in progress. Yeah, but instead it makes it look like he's a mad man.

Like there are a bunch of psychologists who've been as simple as you. Oh, I thought they were- Maybe judgment on him. They were as kidnapped victims. And he has a bizarre fantasy about being the CEO of like kill-core or something like that. You just sit there and smile.

All right. I thought it was, I thought it was- We work for you. We work for you. I thought it was black triple ex security. It is. It's called black triple ex security, which sounds like a porn site that has a security arm.

Have night stick, we'll travel. On night stick. Good, because once you go security, you'll never go. Hubberity. Yep. That's the saying, right? Yeah.

Just like Wesley Snipes and Baster 57. Baster 57. Baster 57. Baster 57. Yeah. 57. Baster 57. Yeah. It's the story of the the illegitimate child who founded the Heinz ketchup empire.

Just like he said in past 57, always been on security. Always been on tomatoes. Always always been on tomatoes mixed with vinegar. Good things come to those who wait. I'll see you in hell. Shoot some with ketchup. Yes.

Someone, there's something dripping from the ceiling and they go, is that ketchup? Stripping too fast, that's blood. Could be watered down ketchup? No, no, it's blood, trust me. Why would blood be dripping from here? Look, let's just investigate. Maybe there's a murder of 1600 or something. It could no, it's blood, trust me. Why would blood be dripping from here? Look, let's just investigate. Maybe there's a murder of 1600 or something.

It could be, it's just drinking it. Oh, it is ketchup, no. Okay, so. So another great tangent, Wesley Snifes is ketchup rolls. Let's deal with that later. Wait, he sells rolls with ketchup on. What is it?

Yeah, but he's nice ketchup rolls. They're Dutch potato rolls with ketchup in the middle. Yeah, they're, you know, it's after the IRS, heavily garnished his salary, because he owe 30 back sacks. He's got to answer it with ketchup. He needed to find a business to arrest some money into. And so he came up with Wesley's nice ketchup rolls. It all ties into his movie Blade, which is about a guy who's as a knife to break the

vacuum seal on ketchup bottles so that it pours out better. Now, I, I, I space out. So maybe you, maybe you, uh, surface tension, I guess you covered this, but I assume these are like, cinnabon style. Uh, yeah, I covered this in my elaborate thesis. No, I, I don't know even my cinnabon style. It's a Dutch potato roll. Yeah, they're this in my elaborate thesis. No, I don't know even my synabon style. It's a Dutch potato roll. Yeah, they're in a poor, middle.

I thought it was like, you know, like a pork bun, but the ketchup is rolled up. Oh, no, no, no, just injected in with this one. Oh, you mean like a Swiss roll? Because a synabon is completely different. I guess they pour it most of the frosting over it. Hey, guys, when I get to do a drizzle, when I hear a stupid joke,

what's that? The name is it, I wanna hear Stuart Joe. What's that? The name is Bond, son of a bitch. Right. Doesn't get stupider than that. Does what it says on the label. No more, no less. So okay, there's a lot of phone conversations

in this Thomas Jane calls his wife and they argue, however, John Cusic has convinced Thomas Jane that his wife doesn't respect him and no respects him because he gave up his career when she asked him to. And he needs to show his wife that he means business by being a bank robber, talking back or whatever. Every time John Hughes had finished his phone conversation, he throws the phone away and shoots it.

We're just fires as gun and this is kind of evidence by the fact that his wife who claimed to have made him quit because she was frightened for his safety does not seem that concerned about his safety when it comes to robbing banks. She seems more annoyed. Also, here's the, and there's a scene where she's discovered that her husband is alleged as a bank robber and is still on the lamb. He might be in danger. The cops are chasing. She takes her daughter off school and goes home and proceeds to make a salad.

Now, is this the activity of a woman who's worried about her husband's life? I ask the jury. Is this what a woman would do when worried that the man of her life is in danger? Did you just a fix your suspenders just then? I did, but I didn't have any, so I just pulled my shirt and it looked weird. She's sliced enough of tomato. Maybe for ketchup? We don't know. Tomato? Yeah. Maybe she's trying to do all made wasly such catch of roll. I don't know or drizzled on that salad she's making. Mine's ketchup is great on a salad. Never heard of that before. That's even worse than the family I grew up with a friend who his family used to put ketchup on spaghetti. I mean, that's island dressing, that's basically just white ketchup and what, like mayo and

and secret spice and relish and thousands of islands. So basically you're just putting like what you would put on a hamburger like looping that all over you. Is that a hamburger? Yeah. A lot of people do that wrong. Yeah, they do it in your appellate and they're way advanced and stuff. For God, they're, they're, they're attitudes toward, that's where history comes from. They're attitude towards nudity and hamburger.

So far advanced, so sophisticated for into America. Uh, so any who speak, did we mention this movie in Australia? I don't know if we ever mentioned that. Sometimes the movie seems to forget that. Considering Thomas Jane and John Cusack are the stars, Thomas Jane, despite having done an Australian accent in other movies, does not bother with one in this. He's an American. They cover that. But everything about the movie, it's like, you know, his kind of strange daughter is also American. Yeah, she was just half American. Oh, okay. Or, American. I think, yeah, and I think

American comes from the father side. Yeah. Now, let's mention a couple scenes, what we can say to him. I was just going to say the reason reason this is in Australia, though, is it's directed by Brian Trentred Smith, who directed a previous recommendation of mine, Get in Drive-In, which I really loved. I just sort of randomly chose to watch it on Netflix because I liked other osploitation movies, but this guy has been in the business for a long time. He did BMX Bandits. He did. Oh, shit.

I forget the other one. I said. He did BMX bandits. He did, oh shit, I forget the other one. He did Omega Code 3. Did he? I believe so. He did a couple of the Leopard guns. He did a Leopard gun 3. He did a Leopard gun 3. He has for the friendly ghost bandine, I think.

He's a fun deride. He died. But he's very friendly. He seems to have followed upon hard times based on the budget for this movie. I don't know. He's never really worked that far above a certain type of budget that I know of.

I mean, he is, this is a guy who's made his living, I assume, for like 40 some odd, I mean, he did like stunt rock, I think. He did a lot of low budget movies. So I don't think this was him being like, oh, once I was at the top, but now this, you know. That's true. I mean, you know, I mean, he was a young guy back then, but dead in driving has a lot of, it's like a beautifully shot movie in a way that this, you know. That's true. I mean, you know, I mean, he was a young guy back then, but dead end drive-in has a lot

of, it's like a beautifully shot movie in a way that this, uh, sure. Well, I mean, he's working on a different cinematographer than probably. Yeah. Unless they brought the whole dead end drive into you. Yeah, I think I looked up that guy. I think he went on to work with Christopher Nolan later, so he was like a good cinematographer. I mean, it's moving up, but anyway. Mm-hmm.

Moving on up to the date, to the date, to the deluxe band. Because Danny, if that's moving up, then I'm moving up. Dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, This has all been a backdoor pilot for Stuart Ving and that Billy Joel musical. I guess the most of it's called Moving Out. The name of the song is Moving Out and not Moving Up. Boba Lauren, Boba Loan. On Lecatch up, Boba Lermuster. You can have anything you want in our diner, restaurant. This is Stuart's. Don't chupin' my joke.

Stuart's musical Moving Up, which is, wait, he changed Billy Joel's songs just enough not to get To get really Joel we did and start a thing I don't know what it was don't sue me you can't and That's a lot of changes I can walk him while I'm dosing Yeah, oh man, I know I'm dosing. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I know. I'm just thinking of Billy Joe songs.

So I'm on the up western Alexa. Anyway, so there's it. So John Hughes, I have a scene where he calls up the head of the bank for no reason other than to taunt him and tell him his wife is his terrible, but he had sex with her anyway and he didn't like it. Yeah. He's just really mean. And it's one of which one of any pointless phone calls the movie leading us all to the

final of the mini soads. The tale of the beat up bikers. Oh yeah, that was great. It's a team of bikers are briefly hired by the bag to follow them. They have a low speed engagement. Like 10 miles an hour. It involves, I think some swearing maybe. They swear.

And some aggressive driving. Thomas Jane changes gears and drives around them. Stop set a hotel for a drink. The bikers show up. And John Q.Zac, it's one of the things where John Q.Zac pulls a gun. Thomas Jane is getting, is in a fist fight. Even before that, there's a moment where

Thomas James having an interaction with the bikers. And yet again, he's talking to them. And instead of actually responding to him, they just shake their heads or nod their heads. That's what we don't have a lot of, it can't say lines about things to do. Yeah, they can't do lines. They start firing at the ground,

making tomis jane jump in the air. It's very peewee-hermany. And then it's one of those types types and then it gets into a fist fight Where someone holds Thomas Jane a woman biker goes to punch him He moves his head and she accidentally punches the guy holding him and the guy holding him isn't like you didn't mean to hit me You meant to hit Thomas Jane. I saw what happened if he was a reasonable man He wouldn't be in this biker yet. We're all on the same team here It's while we're wearing jackets with the same logo on the back

We're all part of the Queensland skull folks that look we're all on the same team here. It's while we're wearing jackets with the same logo on the back. We're all part of the Queensland Skull folks. That look, we're all on the same team. Instead, he's the Sunshine State Queensland. Queensland, which as a license plate tells us the Sunshine State, which is bullshit. There's one Sunshine State. It's called flow rider and to rapper. Wow.

Yeah, it does that so much on about the boots with the fur. Oh, okay. And that's all I like that one. Yeah, sure do. so I'm sorry about the boots with the fur. Oh, okay, and that's all I like that one So it it briefly almost like it almost turn low low low low low. Yep, it almost turn We all have a low some is higher some is lower Did you ever see a guy who sang a song so different from yours don't sue me now Billy Joel I changed a lot of the song only the good guys are young Bob, Bob, Bob. Only good guys are young. Only good guys are young.

Bad guys are holding on the good guys are young. Mr. Miyagi down on Molo Gensrich. Billy Joel said, I'm looking into legal action. Who remembers where it all can ban out there in some guys place. It's no man's land. By the way, I was wrong by the cinematographer, but the guy who wrote dead and drive in his Peter Kerry, the novelist who wrote Oscar and Lucinda among other folks. Oh, okay.

I never saw that. I know there's two people in any of us from Lucinda. Well, you had to be a great shot did you shoot things really great? Yeah, had to be a great shot. Oh, yeah shooting up the hot robots. Oh, yeah Anyway Billy Anyway, Billy. So, bikers. So we get into a real fracas. It's all rocking chairs to me. It's a city.

Everybody's talking about those new chairs, buddy, but I'll tell you rock and chairs. So what are the, what are their, what are their Billy Joel songs? Are there, um, uh, Admiral trips will get shy to that. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, you have a surprisingly deep knowledge of Billy Joel songs. I'm in New Jersey. My parents listen to a lot of Billy Joel songs.

I was trying to think of one off of pressure from having trouble. My dad was big on the simply red. I'm just remembering simply red and steelyed and, my family's been on Billy Joel, Bruce Princeton, but not Bon Jovi. We weren't that type of New Jersey. Sure. I mean, really jolly, a long island musician. New Jersey claims him somewhat. He's a long island musician. We're living here in Albert town. We're living here in Allen's town Allen owns it and he lets us live here oh wow I'm glad he's a fun guy it's a different song different songs with William Joel

are we done with the synopsis yet? no we're not done so I'm still fighting bikers there's this biker fight that almost turns into a biker mice from Mars no No, that's so big. Rollerbabies probably would have been a better name. There's like the rollerblade seven or something. Airborne? No, airbud. That's when the airborne is a rollerblading movie. Oh, Joana man, that's what I'm thinking of. So this almost turns into a kind of hell-need-em-bar fight scene where everybody's punching everybody until John Q's that comes in with his guns. The bikers, the bikers,

pull out the guns. John Q's that could Tom's chain hide behind the bar and the bikers take that as the cue to leave because the scene has to be over. Let's go everybody. Yeah, like I call them, they get distracted. Yeah, I expect a fucking whistle to blow and it'd be like quittin' time. It's one of those old sheepdog and wolf cartoons from Looney Tunes. They're at each other's throats and they're like, woo, so you know, tomorrow, Frank. So you know, tomorrow, Ralph. Time to go back to that gas station to eat one of those meat pies that looks so good.

They just did look at it. They're the big meat pies. Uh, so Michael Maltese with the gags. Oh, that's him. It might have been. Yeah. I mean, he did a lot of those gags. They called him the Maltese with the gags. Oh, that's him. He's like, he might have been. I mean, he did a lot of those gags. They called him the Maltese Falcon.

Did they? No. Why would they call him that? He's not a bird. So, but it is, there are many scenes where it feels like the movie ran out of money for that scene. So just ends. That's one of them.

The bikers, maybe they planned a big shoot out. And it's like, uh, just realized that John Q. Zach is doing overtime. Yeah, there's going to be a bunch of like, like the bikers are getting shot. One of them hides behind the pool table and somebody else, like, don't you fucking die on me, man. Someone shoots the billiard balls back. And they all get knocked into the holes. Sure, it's like a raid sort of situation where they, you know, they get it's like, it's all about the environment. And somebody pulls out a the holes. Sure, it's like a raid sort of situation where they, you know, it's like, it's all about the environment and somebody pulls out a machete.

Oh, I thought you meant a raid situation because like cockroaches start running around going Raid and then some sprays of. Yep. That would make it more like life less ordinary. Yeah, this movie, it was around this time that I think Stuart, you were mentioning it, this felt like a 90s movie where people are just running around shooting each other.

Like, basically, this is a life ordinary. A life, yeah, a life somewhat ordinary. So, let's just cut to the chase, which the movie rarely does. For movie called Dry Part, very little chasing in it. They end up at a marina, the good guys defeat the bad guys. Don't worry, I think it's been running out for the weekend so they can do whatever they want. As long as they clean up after themselves.

And it's one of those fight scenes where John Qsack has chained up the main bad guy and is just babbling some story about a monastery to him. Well, Tomashtain drives around while a guy chases him just shooting in the air wildly. Do you use some on foot? Yeah, that's what I'm putting. Well, Tomashtain drives around while a guy chases him just shooting in the air wildly. I feel like I'm on foot. Yeah, that's what I'm putting. Well, Tomas' team eventually just get like a-

I don't like the car. Just bump some with the car and knock some down. Yeah, the bad guys hired Goons are basically like kids at a laser tag arena, just running around blasting indiscriminately. While Tomas' team circles around like a fucking shark. The good cops and the bad cops meet up on a band and rodent shoot each other. Yeah, they have an accent that ends in just like shooting simultaneously, which was also

kind of hilarious because like this has been a major like subplot for the entire movie. And it's like, oh, we got some extra characters that we just, we don't know to do it. So just we'll get rid of it. I guess they'll feed the dingos. We got extra extra characters that we just, we don't know to do it, so just we'll get rid of it. I guess they'll feed the dingos. We got extra, extra, and we could cut their scenes from the movie. No, leave it in. Even though it never really intersects with the main plot, just deal with it. They beat the bad guys and Thomas Jane lets John Cusette go.

John Cusette can't come to the car and beat them up to make it look like he was a hostage the whole time. Even though by now they become friends. And Thomas Chane had chained had chosen to continue the mission in order to impress his wife with his bad ass reading. They're not as close as Charlie Sheen and Christy Swanson and the Chase. No. Because in that movie those characters have sex. Yes. Maybe they had sex off camera. I don't know. Well that would have been a shooting is driving. Yeah. It's crazy. And they had sex off camera. I don't know. Well, that would have been. The shooting is driving. Yeah, it's really crazy.

And they're not as close as Robert and your other world. Well, being chased by Henry Rollins and two of the Red Achilles beckons. I guess pick any to. Yeah, jalapeno, I guess. Yeah, ghost and jalapeno. Let's do the beckons.

And they're not as close as Robbener and Charles Groden at the end of midnight run. No, did they have sex? Yes, the nose goes as John Estee Martin and John Goodman and playing straights, not all of the else who don't have sex, but one of them puts their hand in the other ones, but. Yeah, and they share them. Thanks for giving me the other. It's implied.

We don't know that John Goodman actually, John, that, uh, yeah, John Candy, it's not John Goodman, John Candy. We know that John Candy actually sticks around. He's just at the door crying to himself. Oh my wife died. Oh, I'm annoying. Yeah.

And see, Martin's wife is like, you get that, uh, you get that shower ring salesman out of here. You get Uncle Buck them fuck out of our house. Yep. He came in with a drill. He drilled the door open. I forgot it was that. Oh, thanks, Jimmy.

I forgot you were the shower ring salesman. Yeah. Yeah, he makes money for them by some of the shower rings as earrings. Ah, that's true, right? The old earring, sharing, grift. Older, trick in the book. So they're not as close as the little kid and Ado Neal

at the end of Dutch? Not, well, I mean, that's literally a stepdad, I think. So, yeah. They don't have sex in Ado Neil at the end of Dutch. Not, well, I mean, that's literally a step dad, I think. So yeah, they don't have sex in that. No, but they do look at newty playing cards. And at one point, the boy falls asleep with his face on a girl's boob. Mm-hmm. That's where a great adventure they had together. No, not until the end when they went to great adventure, a six flags theme park.. Very specifically not Wally World as that would be. No, but also has John Canyon. Okay.

So we're back around anyway. In the end, everybody's happy. Thomas Jane turns down John Q's ex offer of money. Thomas Jane comes. He doesn't need any more. He becomes a local hero. Hmm? That's a movie set in that part of the world.

He becomes a local hero and gets sponsor shoot money to become a race car driver again. His wife now respects him and has sex with him again because he's now a badass and- Doesn't cut it down. The movie just kind of keeps going. And the same reporter that we've seen reporting the story throughout the film because she's on call 24 hours a day,

wraps up the tale. The tale- Well, the very end drive, Hart. Speaking of tales, the end of the movie ends with a shot of race cars driving around a track, which is the opening shot of the movie. So it's like a full circle. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like how life is a circle of us running around in circles on a track. Okay. And it's a weird and that weird metaphor. So it's only going to be less ordinary And somebody could be claymation or something. So it's time to late. We're going along. This movie was in a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie I kind of liked.

I'm going to go first. This is between good bad and the movie in the scenes that don't have Q-sack and Thomas Shane. And movie I kind of liked in the scenes that don't have Q-Sack and Thomas Shane and move it kind of like in the scenes that had both of them because the funny thing to me is like Thomas Shane is supposed to be the straight-laced normal hero and I feel like he walked on to set Sa-John Q-Sack and he's like oh you're gonna play it that way? Well I'm gonna ham it up to you. I'm gonna ham you even though I'm supposed to be the normal one in a situation.

And John Q-Sack was like you out have me get me a vape smoker. So I really dug there seems to be the only one watching the same way for one e-cigarette in the budget. Yeah, I'm with dad. I actually am just gonna give it a full force movie. I kind of like the stuff like you're saying when when junkies that Tom's doing were not on camera. It was very boring, But there's not those I mean for the most part

It's them just kind of Improvising scenes for the most part with each other or just like treating the script as cavalierly as possible And hamming it up as much as possible the the scene where John Q's like is trying to get his seat belt out and just can't do it While they're driving is so goofy and It goes on and on the same gag of him not being able to spell on. It really does feel like they they said, you know what why are we taking this movie seriously? Come on, let's just do this thing. Yeah, we're on vacation on Australia. It's the first time I've seen John Kusek in movie in years where it looks

like he's enjoying himself at all. That's true. Like and he's not being super creepy or serious or something. You guys, I'm gonna to blow your mind because I totally agree with those of you. We're going to Australia. Dave John just two days to get to Australia, which is okay. It's like a 24 hour flight. They can make it. Okay. Well, so, but yeah, we had this was I've had good luck in the past with movies from Australia and I had it again. Yeah, we're just the moment when the when they shoot goofy comments. When Thomas Shane got into the car with John Qsac, I think the three of us looked at each other and weren't like, this is gonna be good. Also, when we saw that it was a 99

cent rental. That's the other. The unreleased in theaters movie was a 99 cent rental. That's the other thing. The unreleased in theaters movie was a 99 cent rental. You read something from Amazon. Usually it's 3.99 minimum. Yes, that's SD. Yeah, it's 4.99. This was 99 cents. Both HD and SD, I think SD they're just giving it away. Yeah, SD, it's a plus 99 cents.

We're going to credit your account 99 cents for watching this. So I would say best flop house value certainly. Yeah, of course. So use that 99 cents to buy, I don't know, edition louvers or something consumer reports. This is a movie that's a mix of low budget ingenuity and not giving a shit.

There's a scene where a car flips over because of an explosion and you can totally see the jack underneath the car that makes it flink. And there's something beautiful in that. explosion and you can totally see the jack underneath the car that makes it flip. And there's something beautiful in that. Again, not it. There's no thrills to this movie. As a high school movie, an action movie, it is terrible.

But as a movie where Thomas Jane and John Q. Zach hang around in the car, where they hired a biker gang to drive around a car and then that's it. I mean, you could recut this movie, make it 60 minutes long. It would be essentially the trip, but with John Qzak and Tom Shane instead of Steve Cougan and Rob Rydon. And it would be a much better movie. Yeah. So five stars, best of the year.

Well, 500 stars. Oh, yeah. So let's move on to letters from listeners. Better than Fury Road, says Dan McCormick. Yeah. The best thing to come out of Australia, full stop. That's what I say. Do we have any sponsors or anything?

No, not tonight. I know you like that sweet cheddar. I do. Well, I like mild cheddar. Not sweet cheddar, yeah. Sweet cheddar, yeah. Like honey baked into the cows or something, so the milk comes out sweet So you're making a cow.

Next thing you tell me you can't get a roll with some ketchup in the middle. So it's letters time. There you go. So we're running late. Let's do it people. First letters from David last name. I come from a letter down under. He writes.

We're words right and people write letters. Can you hear it? Can you hear it? Can you hear the letters in a big letter? I'm trying. Letters stay with you like the melting sun on a mountain. Stay awake. Sorry.

What's another? Because our beds on letters? Wait, which one should you say big country and and Land down under who just did midnight oil? So what other ones are there? Oh Jesus you can letter if you want to you can write us all the letter Because their friends don't I don't know if they're actually and I don't even know they don't have hats Yeah, which you would need not really because the hot subject is head because their friends don't, I don't know if they're hostile. I don't even know. They know they don't have hats. Yeah. Which you would need in Australia,

because the hot subject's down on your head. Hatless. For a piece of, a hatless. Is that the sentence? Yeah. Um, so this is from, it goes like this,

Dear Flopmeisters, working my way slowly through the back pillow. Copamizers, provides a nice context to understand. Master Flopmeisters in 1647. Do you understand the untangible chemistry that makes the original peaches work so well together? Mysters provides a nice context to understand myster since 1647 To understand the untangible chemistry that makes the original peaches work so well together Like rock paper and scissors the three stuages the holy Trinity of Star Wars movies the Mars Brothers not counting Zepo the three Musketeers in general the sum is greater than its parts which brings me my main question

Who would be the best like for like replacement host? I can see comic and movie fan Pat and Oswald as super talkative and name-dropping manic pixie stand in for Elliot. We all know that Stewart has a switch, the coars for dope, doppelganger, and Seth Rogen, sorry Stu. Even dad, the pot, Dan, the pato maker, has to take a break. That's his name. Trying to get through this for you to rough me.

Oh, a drab, I guess. There's one sound humans can make that you should know how to make. It is the one that denotes you. Me, drab McBoy. Even Dan, the potto maker has to take a break sometimes. That's a potto maker, I don't see you. Me, drab McBoy. Even Dan, the Potomaker, has to take a break sometimes. What's a Potomaker? I don't know. PodPOD?

Yeah. I like podcast. Yeah. If only there was someone with basic digital audio skills and a mournful side. Yeah, DJ Eor. We'd be like, Tronica Donkey. Down with OPP, David Lasting, withheld.

I feel like we should suggest for placements for each other rather than for ourselves. Well, I thought Jordan Morris from Jordan, Jessica, was a lovely Elliott standard. He did a very good job. He doesn't have Elliott's maddox energy. He's not as entertaining as I am. That's true, he isn't.

He brings a level of professionalism that I refuse to work towards. Yeah, a level of non-interruptingness Restort I think I would suggest one of those Easter Island heads. Okay. Handsome. I didn't say as much as you'd like. Oh, okay Um, and for Dan I guess you should have done Stewart. You know, you do Stewart forget it Yeah, to me. Yeah, to me. To me, Dan. To me.

George Lasonby. Oh, interesting. And for Dan, I'm gonna say, reaperlman. Thanks. I think in myself is sort of a sassy Italian-American sort of character. Yeah. So we'd all be actors from cheers. Yeah. That's right.

That's right. Cheers with an Easter Island. And Jordan Morris. Great. So almost nobody from Cheers. Almost nobody from Cheers. That's gonna be a real Burlman's tombstone But I also just love Almost nobody from here's it just get a one person I love that as a description of anything like A Broadway musical it's advertised is starring almost nobody from But it's just to be someone from Cheers in it. I don't know. It's the guy who played a poll. He's in it. Paul? The guy who barely said anything.

He was a Clifte friends. Clifte didn't have one of the barflies. Maybe Clifte did at friends. We all have friends all yet. Even though sometimes we don't feel like we do. You want to go for everybody knows your name. Yeah. Because sometimes you don't know your name. And you think your name is what was it? Dad? Dad? I said dad. That is some psychological Freudian shit right there. So this is titled Letter from the Grave. Dear Elliott Dan Hallean Stewart in order of whose most to least culpable for my death.

Well, Halle's the star. I ignored. I ignored the first hard to ask Elliott made for us to become max fun members are quote right now because I thought surely he didn't mean right now. You were wrong. By the second demand, it became clear that Elliot did mean right now.

And Dan seemed to back this up. So I went to the Max Fun website right now. And my car's in the Hudson and I'm dead now. Are you satisfied? You will be hearing from my ghost attorney, hauntingly yours, Remy last name provided, because I'm dead now and what harm can it do? May settle.

So we, of course, it's our pal Remi. Yeah who shows up at Everything this is a ghost now. Yeah, she's a she's a diehard flopp house fan and that she's dead now She died hard driving hard. Well, we're saying the sexiest things with things you can what you can't see So you and Casper can get together, as I'm saying. Oh, okay. That you're saying happily. She's an adult. Casper is still a kid.

Casper will never... Casper is still a little boy. It's later than we talked. A little boy. Does he have legs? Or is he like a not me? No, no, he has legs. It's those other ghosts that don't have legs.

It doesn't age, because it's a ghost. Yeah, he doesn't age because it's locked what kind of weird universe would be what you would die and your ghost would keep aging yeah what kind of terrible purgatory does he live in come on so you got all these decrepit thousand year old ghosts wandering around um fallen down and breaking their ghost tips that's the thing I should be made a lot of for

um so yeah everybody should go out and become donors for the Max Von. And blood just right now. Yeah, right now literally right now. Or I don't know in class. Yeah, performing surgery. That's what I want to say is right now. Hey, we're here tomorrow.

Right now, Max fun. It's everything. D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D Did you notice that that Van Halen song is so shitty I've confused it with a YouTube song. I was not gonna call attention to it. Yeah. So this last letter, for Elliott. For Elliott's, I'm seeing quite a lot of sentences, forever. For and lone words in Japanese and Hutties. Note, it may be necessary for Elliot and Stewart

to assist Dan with this pronunciation of the foreign words in this letter. Hello, flappers. Long time listener, first time writer, I have an answer to a statement Elliot pondered over a long time ago about why the Huts do not have their own phrase for Jedi mind trick. And I actually links to a similar statement

Elliot made in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode. Oh, yeah, that the Japanese have no word for turtle soup? Yeah. You're feasibly the turtle soup of Japanese would simply be tatoro supo, that is to say, the English phrase said with a Japanese accent. As an English man living in Japan, I can tell you the Japanese use the combination of English and Japanese words for everyday life.

The Japanese actually have a entire script used for writing foreign words called kata kana, which is very often just the English word said in Japanese syllables. For example, Japanese has its own word for chicken, tori, and rice, gohan. But the phrase chicken rice is transliterated as chicken rice, who likewise, Rintekar, is simply Rintekar. So while the Japanese do have their own words for turtle and soup the phrase turtle soup was likely introduced to them by americans and hence they would use the translated in english phrase

rather than translating it into japanese because they're what lazy it's really easy to use their own language so they go to the trouble of using another language so it's entirely possible that the hutty's does have its own word for mind and trick, but the Hutt's choose to keep the foreign phrases phonetically intact. I'm not a Star Wars expert, so I cannot be certain, but I hope Elliot enjoys this interpretation. Love your show, keep on flopping.

Graham, last name withheld. Huh, it's an interesting interpretation. I'm just gonna go ahead and say that I don't believe the Japanese who are an industrious people would do that. But I do believe the Huts who are big fat lazy slabs who lie around on deuses with ladies and gongy monkeys, who are all in all over them, would just be too lazy to use their own words.

But then every other word he uses is Hutties. Yeah, Banthapoodu, etc. Banthapoodu, maybe Banthas and Hutties were no job alonga, except then heudu, etc. Banthapudu, maybe Banthas and Huddis were no job along, except then he uses the word no. Maybe no is also Huddis the same way it's both English and Spanish. Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, it's a deep well, guys.

We could go down this hole forever. Let's go down this hole. The Hutt hole. Just cut a little. I guess that's the Sarlaq. Yes, the Sarlaq is the Hutt hole. The hud hole. Just cut a little. I guess that's the Sarlech. Yes, the Sarlech is the hud hole. It's like a giant space ain't us. Line with T. Or Spanus. So Dan, what do we do now? The letters are over. Oh, letters tonight. Well, we were running. We are running very long. So we had to bump a couple. Yeah. So

this is the part of the podcast where we recommend movies, movies that we liked. This is the part nobody likes. Except us. Ellie, why don't you go first? Me. You've been going last a lot lately. That's true. So let's save the best for first and just getting on to recommend two movies, both Australian.

Why two? It's okay. What? It's okay. So that's Spanish. I said why to K. Oh, I see I thought you were saying you're saying K like in Spanish It was even dumber than that But not as dumb as my bon cinnivon So I guess you're winning Yeah, in terms of stupid

There's two on the recommend gonna recommend two movies, both of my likes, but ones for the ladies and ones for the dudes, both Australian, for the ladies, a little movie, but guys can watch the lady movie and ladies can watch the guy movie, I'm just saying, stereotypical watch. It's like our backstage house in Australia, it's no rules just right.

Yeah. Exactly. You can murder someone at no backstage house. I mean, there's no rule against it. Yeah, you can have a giant fraud on you. The rules say I can't have a giant fraud like you. So for ladies, I'm going to recommend a movie called My Brilliant Career, which is a period film starring Judy Davis and Sam Neal when they were both young, kind of beginning actor

and actress and just about a high spirited young woman who is being pressured to marry in turn of the century Australia, but she wants to be a writer, she doesn't want to play by anybody's rules, she's got a prankish sense of humor. In many ways it is Anna of Green Gables in Australia and it's a good, solid woman who wants to make her own way in the world, but falls in love, type movie. And the cinematography in it is beautiful. There's a number of scenes shot in different types of daylight or twilight that are really pretty. And the acting is really good in it. So my brilliant career for the ladies and for the men, a male subject war.

That's right. That's right australian classic breaker maran uh... the film about the borrower and three australian soldiers were court martialed or massaccharine prisoners of war uh... is it really their fault that they committed these acts or is it the inhumane system that has led them to this point

who knows but it's uh... really well directed anded and well-acted and again beautifully shot. So for the ladies, my brilliant career and for the men, break them a rant. Or switch them up if they want. Or do it the other way around, yeah. Guys, get in touch with your family and inside and ladies, watch the most brilliant shoot the shit out of some bore settlers. Sounds great. I want to recommend I rewatched

recently the dirty dozen, which is just a very enjoyable. Real dirty dozen or like a porn movie. Now the dirty dozen, the Robert Almond movie. He directed the porn. He did. He was hard on his life. Yeah. I am a great fan of what Quentin Tarantino and others have called the a man on the mission, man on a mission movie, your dirty dozens, your guns of Navarones.

I guess the greatest escape is so sort of than that, although that's kind of... What about your seven, seven sammy rise? I mean, their mission is a escape. It's to escape. It's kind of a heist movie in a way. Your Armageddon? Yeah. Your magnificent sevens.

Well, that's a thing. Like Armageddon is actually probably the modern equivalent, which is irritating, that we follow him so far. But- You ever seen the professionals? Uh, what's the- The Lee Marvin? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's a great one. That's a good one. What about the fantasy mission force with Jackie Chan? Um, I don know if you know it's really great, but I think that you're right that Armageddon is at a center of this type of movie because the great thing about these classic. It's amazing Crazy that's now I'm crying Walk this way it looks like a way the great thing about these old men on the mission movies is they were a mix of great Hollywood tough guys and great Hollywood character actors. And that's kind of what got passed down to modern action movies is stocking up on these

character actors side but you got in dirty dozen Lee Marvin Ernest Borg-9 Charles Bronson John Casavetti's Jim Brown you got George Kennedy you got Tully Savales it's just a Donald Sutherland it's a crazy lineup of just fun people to watch and Robert Aldrich directed other great very like masculine movies like but in addition he also did but he also did whatever happened baby Jane which is like Charlie yeah which is like like Ampious ladies pictures you could but he did like fly the Phoenix he he there's a certain sort of like high- Filth yeah Robert Aldrich movie, which is really great and you know dirty doesn't has a classic setup You know, it's it's 12 military prisoners given the chance at

You know getting their freedom by going on this suicide mission, which is you know just a great pulp Set up for an action movie and it's just fun to start defending. Yeah, it's like Wage is a fear. They got a little bit. Kind of. The less existential than Wage is a fear. And there's a lot of great character scenes in it and a lot of great. It's a pretty funny movie, too.

Yeah. It's even Donald Sutherland test to pretend to be a general. It's fantastic. Where you're from, soldier? It says those sound never heard of it. He's walking around. He's just saying all the stupid things he's heard general say before

So he's looking at this this formation of guys is like very pretty Colonel but can they fight? Stupid ass things that general say in movies and I mean like the funny thing too is like his character is has been shown to be a half-wit Through motion of the movie so you know Instinctively that he's just imitating these other generals that he's seen. But yeah, that's my right. I'm gonna recommend another Australian movie

before you make jokes. I'm gonna recommend a movie called The Interview. You didn't make any jokes? I'm starring Seth Rogen and James Franco. No, I'm recommending a movie called The Interview from 1998. It's an Australian thriller starring Hugo weaving Elrond himself. Mr. Smith. Elrond hover. Wait, agent Smith. Elrond hover. I think he's best known as Tom Hanks's top

top-headed collusementary bad guy in cloud atlas. Yeah. Oh, man, he's terrifying in that movie when the future where he's in like yellow face. Yes, the Cajun slash and then some roses with reptile skin. So yeah. So the interview is a he's one of the few actors whose name is also a description of an action. You go weaving. You go weaving. Yeah. So it's a movie where Hugo Weaving gets picked up by a detective. And at first, it seems like he's being interviewed about a relatively minor crime.

And you can, at the same time, you're seeing the detective has a lot of pressure on him. And it's slowly revealed that it's a much bigger case and it involves a serial killer and you're seeing that detective has a lot of pressure on him and you start to wonder really what's going on with. You initially feel sympathy for Hugo Weaving and then over time you wonder whether or not that sympathy is misplaced. It's a great tensile thriller and I recommend it. It's a great tensile thriller and I recommend it. So sounds good.

Three great recommendations along with four actually. Really, you probably won't like because you haven't been watching bad, bad, bad, bad, terrible movies for years and years and years. But this movie, you enjoy more than even watching a bunch of boring bad movies before it. Yeah. But if you got a, if you got watching John Q's act, try and put on a seat belt for 20 minutes. It's fucking great, man. You guys got so far, man. Watching Thomas Jane taking every line and, and doing it as if he's like just trying to remember what the next word in the sentence is for minutes at a time.

Yeah, if you like that stuff, this movie's for you. It's like Thomas James saw Bill Paxton and Aliens and was like, I want to hold that pitch through the whole movie, through a whole movie, just game over man, game over constantly. But everything has to come to an end and that applies to this podcast as much as does the heat death of the universe. So on that note, so you're putting five guests on a cosmic scale? Yep.

Because then we're literally just moats in the eye of God. I mean, we are masters of the Mystic Arts, all of us, sure. Uh, I'm a doctor strange. L.A., it's a dormamu. I'm more of a baron, more do. I wish I was a dormamu. Give me a funny name. You get this.

Farne name is both loving and hallowed characters. When Benedict's conversation is playing one of them, you're like, oh, I always knew who Baron Mordon knows. Dr. Stranges. I don't know the other one. Uh, you don't know who dormant Mamo is. You can be Mephisto, dude. All right. That's a cool name. Mephisto, dude. The surfer version of the hey, Muffley. Man, hair looks great. Why don't I tempt your soul, silver surfer? I can serve too. Hey, Muffly Manair looks great. Why don't I tempt your soul, Silver Server?

I can serve too. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and this podcast is over. I'm Dan McCoy. That was Dan McCoy. Over there is Elliot Kalen. And just saying that is Stuart Wellington next to Dan McCoy. Look at that, everyone.

McCoy. Move that up. move and up Yeah, we want to keep it keep it nice and cool. Oh, yeah That's what that's what mayor de Blasio is told everybody Your cooling stations and dance apartment Alright. Uh, hang out there. There's a lot of Agua. Yeah, that's just, and... We should've called Agua.

Yeah, because he's been taking Spanish for mayors. Spanish for mayors. We've been a lot of crime in the Coyay. Hi everybody, I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. And we host the first podcast ever made my brother, my brother made.

Every Monday we put out the first ever advice comedy podcast ever. They found our podcast on Dead Sea Scrolls. We're the homerobby code of podcasts and we're ready to entertain you with jokes that we invented the first jokes. So join us every Monday on MaximumFun.org. You'll never crack our code damn brown,

just try me. It's history and the making. And in the faking. And it's all yours for the takin'.