The Flop House - Ep. #186 - Guardian of the Highlands

Episode Date: September 5, 2015

No show notes this week.

On this episode of the podcast, we watched Guardian of the Highlands. Starring Chris Pratt. No. And the owls of Goole. Oh boy. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house. Did you become Dracula at the end of that? I'm Dan McCoy. And I'm Dracula.

Ah, ah. That's the count. Okay, and I'm Stuart Wellington. I am Ellie Kaelin, and I'm appalled by your lack of vampire identification skills. We haven't been together for a while, so if we seem a little rusty, that's why. It's been longer than usual time between Jamie. I was at a town for a while. So if we seem a little rusty, that's why. It's been a longer than usual time between Jamie.

I was at a town for a while. Stuart, you were in the space program for a little bit. So you actually aged far less than us in that time. We're old men now, but you're still a baby. Yep, I went through one of those black holes, Disney's the black holes. You ended up in hell, right? Is that where the black holes are?

I went directly into hell. You went through the event horizon. Mm-hmm. I didn't need my eyes, so I just threw them out the window. Carved a bunch of runes on my skin. Meanwhile, I was in jail, wrongfully accused of murdering Stewart, who was missing all that time. Yeah, but I'm glad that Stewart arrived. But it was an earthbound jail, so don't know space-deal jokes.

Yeah, yeah, but Stewart arrived just in time to clear your name as you were being sentenced to death by blowjob. One of the better ways to go. Oh. So this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it and then we talk about it. And then what do we do? And then we go home. But then what? I probably gonna go to bed and then and then I'll wake up and then go to work and then I've got a few days continues At some point people listen to it. Yeah, mm-hmm And then they tell us what we got wrong your own child is not even at this point where they can be this irritating I'm practicing. Oh, and you are wrong at times. He can be very irritating

So Sammy grown up Sammy. I hope you enjoyed that insight into what you did to your father. By the time Sammy grows up, there's going to be some kind of EMP event and all electronic media will have been erased. He'll just be living based off with the sacred scrolls say the sacred scrolls will actually be old comic books. So, oh's a real cataclet for Leboots situation then. Yeah, yeah, it's a comical for Leboots. Also the name of my Israel comedy benefit, comical for Leboots. We're raising money for... Well, Leboots is not doing so well.

So, raising some money for him in his hometown of Lebootsville. So, I don't... What do we do on this podcast? Yeah, we talked about that already, but this and then what did we do? This is one of the best loved months and the flop house calendar I don't even think it's the third best love crack open your advent calendar. It's digging to small timber And out pops the smallest candy of the year. Where we watch movies. Small Vembers. It's small Vembers.

All right. We watch movies that are smaller than movies that we normal watch. Inside? No. Well, this one. Yeah, this wasn't a short movie. It's 76 minutes.

That's true. And we watch it on a phone. Yeah. Yeah. Which was small movie. Big action is going to assemble. By a tiny mouse who was the projectionist. I tried that last.

And then he betrayed you. Yeah, his name was Klaus. Klaus the Louse and Dan McCoy in betrayal. Right at R13. Yeah, that's something cute taking a weird and disgusting term, much like Guardians of the Highlands. Yeah, well tell us about this one. That is a great segue. What made you want to choose it for small Vembrer when we look at lower budget films

that are maybe a little smaller and more indie than we usually look at? And this one stars a huge star. I'm talking about Sir Alan Cummings. Alan Cummings is not a night as far as I know. Hasn't it been nighted for, for being nightcrawler? No, the ironic. They would give a great headline which is the nightcrawler night, or just K nightcrawler.

That would be the New York Post at the end if they bought them to cover it. What? The Post is covering the nighting. That would be the New York Post at the moment if they bought them to cover it. Oh, what? The Post is covering the nighting, the honorable titles of a great Britain. Well, here's the thing. It stars an actual night, Sir Sean Connery, as he is billed on the poster and in the credits, Sir Sean Connery, because... Wait, you saw a poster for this movie? saw poster for this movie when in the menu on the online for how else you can know who the guy is without his title he's just some

dude named shanconry there's no one famous names that only sir shanconry is famous although if anyone finds a poster for this movie you should mail it to the we wanted and alan coming isn't the movie and otherwise it's a lot of Scottish. Playing a gay goat. Well, he's not gay so much as he's just sassy. And he's not a goat so much as a weird goat man hybrid. He has human hands and he walks on his hind legs.

And he wears a little Bruce Lee suit. As Stuart mentioned, while we're watching it, he's like some kind of satyr or pan type. Sure. And you expect him to just start start raping Woodenymphs at any moment, but he doesn't. No. And he doesn't see any Woodenymphs, so we don't know

whether if he saw one. That's a good point. That happens. And I don't know. You have to assume he's doing it off camera. Using the animation style of this movie, the design scheme, I have no idea how to recognize what a Woodenymph looks like. I'll tell you how.

Because this was an animated movie. The animation is what, demo inf looks like. I'll tell you how because this was an animated movie. The animation is what demo level. Yeah. And explain that. It looks like the animation that comes with the software. It's somewhere. It's slightly above food fight and slightly below that Dyer Straits video. I mean, which again, for the time was cutting edge now it's dated.

And but you would know that it's a wooden inf because like most of the women in the movie they would have enormous bouncing breasts that are commented upon later on in the film and are constantly in motion as the characters walk. I've been playing a lot of this computer game called Mount Your Friends where I mean in tiny little swimwear basically climb each other. And the most notable thing about the game is that it has physics effects on big floppy penises, and I feel like you can get the same result by watching Guardians of the High Wind.

And Guardian of the High Wind is the flopping of the bosoms. There's somebody was working on me. The floppiest bosoms in the business. It's a raves, Dan McCoy. About, I don't know, the crazy worst cabaret. About a children's movie. Somebody was working just on the mathematics for the physics model of how the boobs would bounce whenever these characters walk around. But Dan, what's this movie about?

Maybe we should talk about that. Because what it's about is saving Scotland's life forms. They are all life forms. Yeah. Saving Scotland's fauna from big governments. I think the fact that the normally articulate Eliot, it's like a film's tongue-tied, it shows how this movie challenged through me for a loop

Well, it's it's you know a brisk 76 minutes and yet the first 10 minutes are all James Bond themed opening credits. Yeah, they somehow managed to pack more and less plot into this movie at the same time then pack more and less plot into this movie at the same time than many other movies that we've seen. Let's go through it. So that starts from James Bond style open credits because of course, sung by Shirley Bassie, James Shirley Bassie, who's saying the gold finger. Yeah, the gold finger. That's how the original song learned that gold gold finger Scooby-bop watch out for his thing or that gold gold Dame Shirley, you're not a Dame yet

We love that you're singing it. We don't love the sound of it And she was like, but I haven't even gotten to the rap breakdown part They said we don't know what that is. It's the early 60s. We like that it's about gold. Because it was a bunch of what, what, what, nooms that were, or dwarves that were doing this. We like, okay, as mythological creatures who collect gold, we like that the song is about gold. As Ruffle Stiltskin, I love that it's about gold.

As the executive producer of the film smog the dragon I love that gold is the main topic Here's my other problem though that it doesn't really get across the tone We're going for which is more of sexy intrigue or really mention what gold finger does He's not actually gold and she's like you've got to show me this movie before I can write a song about it All you did was so it was tell me the title. I'm not Ray Parker Jr. I'm not a genius. And they were like, who's that?

And she goes, trust me, I'm from the future. You're going to like what you get. Yeah. Anyway, so there's this dude fun style. So there's appeared a time where Ray Parker Jr. wrote every single movie theme, right? Well, I only know about his ghost blister. But he went by the name Kenny Loggins. Yeah.

You think? It's weird also. Kenny Loggins. Loggins. It's totally Kenny's Loggins. Well, he gets the. His, his Loggins name is Kenny and his fast word is Loggins. Now Loggins, that'd be too easy.

Here's the thing about Kenny Loggins. One, you move the S, and that's a sentence, Kenny Loggins. He's just out there logging. So to continue, the movie starts with this James Bond title, parody, which includes the female characters from the movie and the goat characters from the movie, all walking around sexy, like in silhouette,

like you would in a James Bond opening from the 60s, or the 70s or the 80s, I guess, or the 90s. Yeah. They went back to it. Yeah. For a while they like, I guess for a while they didn't for the Pierce Brosnan ones. Yeah. When they were very like conscientiously being like, oh, Bond is a sexist relic.

So we don't do the sexist opening credits. And now they're like, oh, the sexist open credits are kitschy throwback. Yeah, like when they had all those nude women using sledgehammers to smash hammer and sickles. Is that? Yes. That was either in gold or not. It wasn't in gold, wasn't it?

I think he's right, but I could be totally wrong. Right in when you find out that we're wrong. Boing. But anyway, so that's the opening credits. Let's stop talking about that. And we'll be right. Which opens with a night fly over shot of the Highlands of Scotland. It's beautiful. Beautiful.

They're off-taking. They really captured the sheer majesty and beauty of it. Billy Conley from Head the Class is talking to us about something. We don't know for sure it's Billy Conley. It sounds like he's having a stroke. It sounds like Billy Conley is in a hospital bed. And he is the surgery is being done in him and they rush the tape recorder. And this is the dream he had before

he died. We need to record this. This movie would make so much more sense. It was revealed at the end that Billy Connelly was dreaming at his last moment before the sweet release of death. It says, sir Billy Billy kindly passed away. Eight moments later. Just in the last shot is him. And the audience leaves the theater thinking, what's he, sir? I don't remember. Sure.

There's a voice over time at how, oh, back in the Highlands, they had a great time. Lots of adventures, they wore something out. It's not very clear. We never hear this voice again. Yeah. And I don't remember what, I'm not sure what character it's supposed to be. I never hear this voice again. Yeah, and I don't remember what I'm not sure what character is supposed to be I assume it's supposed to be Billy the veterinarians grandson

Flexing back, but I'm not sure doesn't matter later on The name is Billy to his Grandson to the second bill makes sense. That's how people name people right William the second. Yeah But we I'm not I'm not sure who the character's right? No, Billy was the name of Sean Connery, sure Billy, sir Billy, sir Billy, which is what Billy Crystal is called by who my heart he is. 700 Sundays of laughs. No, it's a sad show.

What? It's about his relationship with his father. I don't know. Mr. Saturday night of laughs. 700 santax. His story is funny about when he clones Susan Santeig. A terrifying dystopian nightmare. Oh yeah. They're always talking about how about illness as a metaphor. But anyway, so we got we suddenly it's a night we're flashback, I guess after that voiceover forget it It doesn't matter

Scotland after the European Union I guess tried to get them to reintroduce beavers to their natural habitats After that beavers were wiped out 400 years before I is what they say The police are rounding up those beavers to send them away in orange guantanamo jump suits Because Scotland has come to its senses and it will not be reintroducing beavers and these two policemen could not be happier about it. They hate beavers and they refer to smelly beavers and I think damp beavers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's hard to tell whether like the repeated thing like I'm gonna get that smelly beaver is a intentional joke or whether they just are Scott.

Is this a national ampune disco beaver from outer space scenario or is this just like that's not a word that they use there. Scottish listeners, right? Is it like Fanny? Yeah. Fanny means something different there. Yeah, it means what like a type of pie? Yeah, it means like a type of pie.

Yeah. It does stuff full of beaver me The weird thing is vagina means penis over there. That's crazy and penis means soda pop. It's like dog tooth But it's a real dog-tune situation. But the crazy JV air like characters like oh, I'm gonna slam that beaver so hard I'm gonna slam that beaver so hard and long when I get it. Never quit gets to that point. I've got something hard for that beaver, a hard sentence in jail, but it never quite gets that much.

But these two policemen, they hate beavers. They throw them in a truck, they're driving down a perilous mountain passage and an overweight rabbit in a pink jumpsuit appears seemingly out of nowhere as it materialized by the plot gods and the truck driver who wasn't paying attention. He sees the rabbit and the sort of candy bar emergency. Yeah, he's trying to get a candy bar out of a wrapper and it's really not since Will

Arnett crashed a truck because he was looking at Megan Fox's button. Teenage Mutuals hasn't character had a dumb reason for crashing a truck. But the truck crashes, all the beavers, their crates, fall out the back, all of almost all of our killed. And we know that for sure because the police officer goes down and picks up a dead body and throws it, it's so great. This is the first indication that this is going to be the saddest animated movie. This is, there were times in this movie, yeah, we were talking about it was like, someone tried to outdo grave with the fireflies. In clay dogs.

The watership down. Or like, is it where the wind blows or when the wind blows? Yeah, when the wind blows. When the wind blows, like the Raymond Briggs nuclear movie, the British movie by the elderly couple. Oh my god. It's like a nuclear version of the snowman where that fucking snowman gets built hangs out with the kid and then he just melts.

That's the same guy. Yeah. Sad as shit. He was all about teaching kids about death. So it's like there were times when we were like, can I just watch an old British couple have their teeth fall out from radiation and get slowly weaker because of the mistakes made by the state but uh... not the county group the state the biggest mistakes of course signing with cbs but uh...

the never the many and most of the uh... i mean in that many of them were so talented they had other careers but yeah that uh... michael show all their looks great i don't know I had other careers, but yeah, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, think, when you think, Bessie, what animal do you think? A beaver, of course. Not a cow, the only animal named Bessie, but whatever. That beaver escapes and is taken into refuge by the rabbit who caused the accident. Flash forward, well, like five years or something?

Yeah, at least. And probably 100 years. There's like a digital readout on the screen that says like all of the beavers were taken out of the country, but one beaver still remains. And it's like 108 AM. Yeah. Beaver time or something like that.

Yeah, there's a really nice thing to make it out like this is a real thing that happened. Yeah. And kids are, we'll get confused. I wonder if this is a true story. Of course it is. It's declassified information finally came out. I was snowed and found it. Project Beaver Book was finally released by Wikileaks, yeah, and it turns out it was this

story. So we're in the town of something or other. I can't remember the name of the town and this movie has no Wikipedia entry, so I can't look it up. And it's a little glitchy in the island of Skull. Small timber indeed. Small timber. It's a small timber. It's called small-vimper-sip timber.

By me. You can call it small timber if you want. I'm sorry, Dan, I'm being a little too harsh. Oh, it's fine. It's a small wonder that you put up with me. Elliott reached out and tenderly touched the back of my hand for the listeners at home. With my fingers.

And now he's unbuttoning his pants, Elliott. I use a button fly, is that what Shod shot do? Yes, yeah, yeah, I find a Which more I'm wearing one myself a button fly. Yeah, it's not very Those way in can be your like I do not Might have to pee in five minutes. Let me get started are those bugle boy jeans you're wearing then I mean they're covered in dust from bugles. With your British night sneakers? Speaking of British nights, or Scottish nights, rather, Sean Connery's in this movie.

But we haven't gotten to him yet. Scottish nights sounds like their version of so stocking. It's like a sexy man and woman both weren't killed. I mean, for the woman who's just a skirt. Yeah. It wouldn't be on the USA, because that's not American shows. Yeah. The characters are welcome there.

And Scott is nice. There's no characters. Back then characters were not welcome. We got another dead body. Another one killed with too much sex. Anyway. No, the six factory. Now I never saw Silt Stalking. another another dead body another one killed with too much six Anyway, don't have the six factory now. I never saw still stockings. I assume that was every episode was somebody killed the sex Oh, definitely that's what I Pacific blue or like at the sex the sexy saxophone

Music store somebody was murdered with a sexy saxophone. We believe there's a hi it was found under this under this Nightlight and, this lamp post. That's right. They're found nude with sparks flying around. Yeah. The only evidence is this discarded trench coat. Never rains around here, but it's always kind of damp in the air. Everyone toys a little sweaty. Anyway. So silk stockings. Yeah. I guess it's on DVD.

Go check it out. Yeah. I'm blue, right? So. Probably in YouTube. So that beaver escaped. Flash forward to this village where. I'm trying to remember which of the things that doesn't.

We're into used to a flying duck character. That's right. Who is the new narrator? As sudden this southern from US South, you know, like from the yeah, a lady launch pad. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of lady long.

Well, launch pad, that is a launch packs. She, she is a duck who's flying a plane who turns the camera and explains to us that she took a wrong turn or somebody gave her own erections and she's in Scotland when she's supposed to be in Florida enjoying her vacation. She talks about this for a while. She's super sassy, but she already knows everyone in town like she's made this mistake before her name's Vicki. She's a duck.

And this is when my son who loves ducks would love this movie, but not the parts where she's not in it. He wouldn't like that. Now does he love ducks enough that he's now that he wrote a screenplay called must love ducks. Yes. I'm just a man. John Hughes. I can attach to not star in it. Now, I just wonder at what point children are able to recognize like, oh, that thing on the screen that looks like a cartoon duck is a duck. Oh, certainly. Yeah. Yeah. He's 20 months old, so he can recognize. If you show me the illustration of a duck, he knows the duck. Yeah. So if you put like, I don't know, like a fake bill on and

it's duck like some feather, like a feather dust around your butt, like really am from the end. Like, it's sort of a horrible hop frog situation. Wait, so how do I, why am I covered in tar and burning at the end of this role play? I'm doing with my son. Because your wife is mistaking you for some sort of horrible interloper and I see that makes this. It's like to costume that Fox Robin Hood wears.

What do you dress up like a stork? Yeah, like I as a fox. Yeah, I mean, I mean, those were like, we can agree that that's where Furious came from, right? Yeah, I mean, I mean those were like we can agree that that's where first came from right Yeah, that's the cutest and the most handsome like animated animals. I think it was went after they did that movie They were that Disney was like we got a back to fuck. Yeah, we went too far Robin Hood made Marion our two sex We're gonna screw up a lot of kids from now on We're just doing movies like home on the, where the animals are not sexy at all.

We have anthropophysed them too much. If we're doing any sexy characters, they better be human beings or at least human from the waist up with like a fish's tail underneath. Because that's sexier than human legs. Am I right, guys? Guys, where are you going? I'm Michael Eisner.

You can't just walk out of my office. Mermaids are sexier than people. Yeah, that's what happened to Michael Eisner. Yeah. I've got outstit. That's when Don Bluth got banished a Balto land. A Balto land. Well, the problem was he kept pushing that pebble

and the penguin script on everybody, and they just couldn't take it anymore. My brother always pointed out that the distinguishing characteristic of a Don Bluth animated character was the amount that the butts would waggle. I just like a lot of fun. I never noticed that this thing. Yeah, that's a family trade of the McCoy's, I guess.

I don't tell Louise cat in American tale really goes crazy with his butt. Yeah. That was Don Bluth, right? Yeah, that was Don Bluth. He would have a story. He had it, you know, an interest in Jewish tales, right? I sit while in American tale. No, sure. I mean interest in Jewish tales, right? I sit with American Taylor. No, sure.

I mean, I just didn't know that beyond that there was other kind of say- Well, they know me. The troll in Central Park or whatever, probably. Yes, him. And it's like how you can date a certain period for Chuck Jones's work when all the characters got those stupid fucking eyelashes. Oh, man. And they all look like they got wrinkled around their faces whenever they moved any muscle

in their face. It's like Chuck Jones made these brilliant cartoons for Warner Brothers and didn't get rich off them And then saw that Walt Disney got rich with cute characters and he was like well fuck you America I'll give you the cutest fucking characters ever. Yeah, everyone's gonna have fucking dough wise and that worked precisely once which is The Grinchy's old Christmas. Yeah, that's true. They're looks good. They never caught the guy Christmas remains missing to this day they every now and then they'll dig up uh... the middle ends to see if the body was buried there of christmas

what if i've been celebrating all these years you've been celebrating is actually christmas which is a substitute created by the u.s. government to replace christmas uh... what did they teach you in AP US history? Still tastes pretty good. You were in AP US history? Yep.

All penis. It was all the history of Lyndon Johnson, Andrew Johnson. Long time, John Thomas Jefferson. Sure. Wood, Row Wilson. Weren't you hard in, okay, hard on, I guess I should have just said Abraham Lincoln log. Well, I'm, yeah, I'm not going to be able to add Michael Morco.

That's not a president. That's he's an English writer of books that sound better in description than when you read them. That's what he does. Anyway, Dick Nixon. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's what he does. Anyway. Dick Nixon. Yeah, okay. Yeah, we're still doing this, yeah. I guess we're gonna pick up the moldy peaches that fell off the tree, sure.

Go away. Yeah. Anyway, so we're like eight minutes into this movie. Yeah, I'm sorry. So this duck is flying around. And she narrates, we leave the duck and we see this town where there's some kids who deliver milk by hurling cartons of it at people's stomachs through their windows. That never comes up again. Yeah, then we're introduced to a

Big Buzm New Yorker who lives in this little town who wants to buy Cakes from a kind of pie some kind of pie from the store and she says give me hold on save me three fat ones with a pH And then rides away on her American flag, no pain. She comes up later, so does the other guy, but barely. And then we're introduced to the hero of the film, Sir Billy, a veteran, Nairian, I guess, who is stylishly clad in overalls, a yellow shirt and the yellow tie.

The yellow tie is tucked into the overalls. Texture, texture is tie and shirt to the exact same material, I guess. I mean, that's, you got to made from the same fl- and he must have bought a bolt of fabric and he just decided to make a whole lot of it. How expensive would it have been to change the color of one of those two things? Do they just have a ton of extra yellow? I don't know, computer ink? What are they doing?

An extra $10 would have broken the bank of us. Yeah. And the and he has a mustache, which appears to be a length of PVC tubing that he is stuck under. Except it like moves when his lips move in a weird that follows the curvature of his lips in a way that mustaches don't work. Yeah. It's a little steel. Well, it's like the boobs. It's one of those weird instances where it's like, no, no, no, put less effort into the animation here. That doesn't need to move as much as it's actually moving.

It would look real or if it moved less. But anyway, he has this goat man sidekick played by Alan coming, who seems to much like Ren in the Ren and Stimpy cartoons change size from scene to scene. Like how Ren would be the size of Stimpy, but then he'd get to a point where he could fit inside Stimpy's mouth. Yeah. Now, interesting to me cover that he's dressed like

Oomitherman and Kilbill was that? No, you mentioned it was a Bruce Lee outfit. Yeah, with little driving gloves. He's dressed like Oomitherman and Kilbill. I think it's a reference to our people. And it's an interesting design choice that his horns, unlike an actual animal's horns, which go from light toward the skull to dark toward the tips, go from light to green for some reason.

I didn't know that Stuart. Maybe that represents that he is the forest spirit. Stuart has his animal husbandry bag. You married an animal? I did. You're the husband of an animal? That's a sitcom. I married an animal.

It's him and Jail. It's a sitcom. I'm married to an animal. It's him and Jail. It's not legal. But what if it was? So marrying a fucking genie's legal? Nobody knows, she's a genie. See that's a thing. Nobody knows it's an animal. Nobody knows the man that's a witch.

What's he dressed up the animal in clothes? Why not? My boss is coming over for dinner tonight. Honey, don't forget to wear your human latex mask. Alf walks around and he's an alien. Nobody does any speed delivers a baby at one point. He's a bird. He's a bird.

He's a silly person. No, you got me there. That's true. Earthle doesn't hide himself, yeah. Although I will say this, everyone in that show is pretty... The nerve hogroom. Like that. All the nerds missed Erkall.

They are. They are so unimpressed by the fact that a robot is walking around. When he makes Erkall bot, everyone's just like, wow, you made a robot. Okay. This doesn't change anything. There's just more annoying that Erkall shows. So he is a veterinarian and he also has a grandson. He also rides a skateboard which is talked about a couple times. We don't see it till the

climax when he is popping some alleys and gleaming some cubes. Or as they say, we were a lot of skateboards again. Some goggah grogogins. So we're introduced to his grandson who's this Jimmy Neutron tight fellow. He looks very Jimmy Neutrony and we're introduced him. He has, he's, he's got a very wall son grommet style, Rubigold Briggs device set. Somehow moves the table. Can we apologize to the creators of wall son grommet for you being that comparison?

I'm in the park. And I'm in the park. Sorry, I jumped on you. No, no, I Nothing to say other than to also identify who is responsible for wall. I gotta say talking about animation that holds up Wrong trousers holds up pretty well. Yeah, actually no extremely well. Grand day out. It holds up. Okay Not a lot of plot in that. Is that the one with the cheese? That's the one they go to moon the moon for cheese They all have cheese in them. Yeah, that penguin in wrong trousers is amazing.

And it's a masterclass in doing more or less. He may be my favorite movie villain of all time. Just blinking. Just blinking and just looking at things. When he sees so sinister, and when he puts on that red rubber glove on his head, and just pull, he just runs his hands through the fingers like their hair, looking at things. When he sees so sinister, and when he puts on that red rubber glove on his head and just pull, he just runs his hands through the fingers like their hair and it flops back into place.

Oh, scary. I should have watched that tonight guys. Almost. We still can. It's like five minutes long, right? It's like half hour. Almost as scary as the rabbit boy that we see later on. We'll get to him.

So Sean Connery is a veterinarian. Someone he's going to take his grandson to school. That doesn't happen because adventure intervenes. The grandson has this elaborate trapdoor contraption that he uses to bedevil his mom and his butler. Is he's rich? That that kids his technological or know how never brought up again. Yeah. I think this kid is set up. I don't know. If you're, if you're reading this movie, well, you kid is set up. I don't know if you're if you're reading this movie Well, you're doing it wrong. You're watching it. It's not a book If you're reading it like someone who has watched a movie before I feel like you're set up to believe that this child is gonna be

One of the major heroes of the film because you're like all right. He's rascally. He's got like this even waskily science knowledge like he's gonna do something later on a big introduction he does shit all nothing much a dance happiness enjoy you had to give him immediate dislike this job I've never seen you he a character so quickly I just reminded me of who can hate a child there are some who can hate a child I don't know just a might remind me of

braddy kids that I have known. Brandy kids I have good invent stuff. But double butlers. Yeah. Exactly. But double butlers. The butler is so but devil that he is about to cut the kids head off with a sword. Yeah. Before the mom intervenes. Again, which would have continued this movie is kind of laws. What's the word I'm thinking of, kind of relaxed attitude towards death, where it just, it comes up surprisingly. It's part of life, Elliot. Yeah. It's good point. It's the other side of the coin.

About a shattery reflection. I started to wonder, is this the movie adaptation of a TV show where each of these characters are like well-known characters So of course they're gonna get like big introductions even though they don't play a big part in the movie, but I don't think like the adventures of Buckeur Rabanza, I mean kind of it's not really based on anything but kind of there wasn't a TV show Not really that's kind of done as if there was some It's kind of done as if there was some Okay, but like the way like if there was a sign filled movie and

Kramer did not play a major part in it which would be crazy Okay, it would even the sea would be tough nowadays. That's true But let's say it was made in like 19 and Kramer and special guest Bill Cosby everybody In the movie you're not gonna see I'm still cosme everybody. In the movie, you're not gonna see. They decided that they were gonna try to beat in the appropriate comedy for least amount of watches

by humans. It's that he gets this big build up and then he just is just around for the rest of it. But we should, we should keep moving, we should keep moving, because we're not yet done, we're not done introducing the characters. There's also the New York ladies sister who is super busty and super sexy. I mean, they're both super busty, but this one is

sexy. But one is kind of stout busty and the other one is, you know, you're, you know, majorly, I think would have been. Yeah, I think. Yeah, yeah. One is one is more overly zaf dig, you could say. Overly. Rubenask. She eats too many Paul Ruben's ass. Paul Rubenask. I dated this girl last night, pretty Rubenask. Oh, nice Paul Rubenask. It was horrifying. I don't know what that means.

She thought she was a six-year-old boy. And then she masturbated in theater. Yeah. She did dance where she pointed to her privates. It's crazy. So she was a member of the Groundwings. It was weird. So she was a friend of the Light Fill Heart and tragic stuff. So she introduced her sister who flirts with Sean Connery's character again.

This doesn't come up again for almost the rest of the movie. They've got to get this kid to school, but we return. Oh, then there's the policeman who's still wandering around years like we're looking for the beaver. Then I kind of wish to sign wise, they had made him look like a crazy homeless guy who would like stitched his uniform together with random trash he found. Because he's just lost sight of human. He's like, yeah, yeah.

A part of human society because of his obsession lost sight of human. He's like, I don't want a part of human society because of his obsession. Yeah, exactly. He's kind of like the old Connecticut folk hero, the leather man. Okay. Who was a real man who as former Daily Show writer, Rich Blank was described

was the missing link between Caveman and Hobo. And he was just famous for what? Walking around a circle basically. He wore a leather suit and walked in the same circuit through Connecticut on a yearly basis living in caves and begging pies and things, doing odd jobs. And for some reason, there is a half hour local PBS special, the guy that you have to see. That was my fondest daily show memory was when we had, it was like right before our break

and we just had nothing to do with ourselves. We watched the half hour documentary about the leather man, just about a home of a locked in a circle. And people remembered about how we walked in a circle. And Rich Blomke, Mr. Kristen Shaw, talked about how he and a school trip went out to see a cave where the loved ones stayed. Why did you say a leather man?

It's a tool. He's a famous hobo. Like, here kids. This is where a famous favorite's came. This is education, I guess. Because Connecticut doesn't have a lot of stuff in it. I'm gonna go to the Nutmeg factory again. No, we got something else.

We're gonna learn how insurance is sold. Blurring. So look up the leather man. I guess it's the more careful that Google search. Can I do my recommendation now? Yeah, don't just Google the leather man. Go to YouTube and do like PBS leather man special. But anyway, so we're so barely into this movie.

So, okay, the police... Luckily, there's not much plot. But, well, there's also looking for the beaver. Yeah, that's true. Then, okay. Super straightforward. We're reintroduced to the beaver. It is storytelling and boil down to its quintessence.

It falls all of Aristotle's three unities. There's a Bessie Boothe Beaver, is living with these rabbits now. She's still a fugitive except everyone knows where she is except the policeman. She's friends with everybody in town. Now the rabbits do some kind of... And at this point, we realize that every single animal can talk and the humans totally understand them.

Yeah. So this whole like removing all the beavers and throwing them in cages and dying, that's crazy because those are sentient creatures you can interact with. Exactly. They're essentially furry humans, which for a lot of people is a sexual fetish going to life. But there also, but here's the thing, whoever made this movie doesn't know what size beavers and rabbits are because they're roughly the size of like in this movie of like what like a small mouse. Yeah. Well, I mean, the beavers and rabbits can definitely be held in the palm of one hand. In one hand. Sometimes they're larger, sometimes they're smaller. Who knows? Yeah, they, they, they're, I mean, we're living in a, in a universe of strange non-uclidean

geometry. Oh, there it goes. They keep, they keep eating strange cookies that say, eat me and drinking strange bottles that say, drink me as a problem. Yeah. That that's that was a major problem at the time. Yeah The time in skull was seeing those PSAs If you see children if you see a wee ball it says drink me on it. Do drink do drink it's great He's got me changing your shape. I found the cure for movies, but I lost it. That is a mega-discence. Oh, oh.

Your size. Oh, he's more in the same as when you're stored in. I found the cure for movies, but I lost it. I feel like that's like back at like, Carosody's cinemas. That would be like something that would Carosody's cinemas. And what that is. There's a chain of movie theaters. That would be one something that would wire so do cinemas like what that is a chain of movie theaters

Like that would be one of the things original movie Harry soda cinemas we do carry soda. Don't worry. You don't have to bring your own that would be a thing That played before the movie like it would be just like Sean Connery of like I found the cure for movies But I lost it and you'd be like I don't know what this is But they're sitting they're playing it before the Coca-Cola commercial. You just reminded me of something that I hadn't thought of in years. LA loves Coca-Cola.

Well, one that I love Coca-Cola. Before movies at Los Cinemas, they used to show a thing about like scenes from movies where people are like, be quiet, be quiet. And they'd show the scene from, is it murdered by death where Peter Falk says, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I gotta go to the can, nobody, or anything. They would show the scene from the producers

where Zero Mustell is screaming in Gene Wilder's ear and Gene Wilder's acting like his ears hurt, but they'd show it with the sound cut out as if the joke was that Gene Wilder was pretending that there was a lot of noise. But in the movie, Zero Must tell is literally screaming into his ear. So like, I remember, I don't know why but now that makes me really mad that they manipulated that footage, I guess.

I mean, I don't even understand what the point they're making by changing it is. I don't know. So I guess if you worked for... If you used to cut pre-movie promos. Right in, right in. And if you did the animation for the pre-movie thing where it's just giant candy floating in space, call me because I loved that.

And if you did the drive-in thing that said, hello young lovers, I like your work. Do you guys remember when Regal Cinemas used to actually show movie trivia that was for actual older movies? Because there was a clear delineation between when the Regal Cinema and my town first opened and started showing movie trivia before the movie, and it was actually like, you know, like famous older films. And then they just cut to movie trivia about whatever was about to be playing like.

I don't remember that. Will Blank is Hancock. Who could it be? Who could it be William Carlos Williams? The Doctor Bowett? So we should get back to this movie. Because again, what we've done a lot of tangents there, so this movie is crazy bonkers. So, we're introduced to a, this is the pod racing sport of rabbits, where there is a giant like a cable or a log that is tied to a, or not even tied, like you stand on a disc

and a cable goes down. Like a trash can, Tom. And you've got to hold onto reins and steer it. This is somehow a rabbit sport and the beaver is not ready for it says the rat yet says he's like rabbit adopted brother who hates him but they say like give it a shot beaver and they're all making fun of his tail someone actually says like we'll find out what that thing attached to your butt does like they don't even know what a beaver is what it does anyway they he goes down a hill prematurely I guess and turns out to be the most amazing and stink-sual

pod racer there ever was. The rabbit half brother is angry by this, that his thunderous- I guess the subalba character. Yeah, yeah, he's totally subalba. And he goes off, but he screws it up. Uh-oh, and he's in danger. He starts hanging off a cliff. Their mother rabbit, the one who adopted the beaver,

goes to save him. They're both knocked over the cliff into the Russian waters below. We see on screen, the mother rabbit falls to the bottom of the riverbed and hits her head on a rock. And her motionless semi-corpbs bobs up on the top of the stream and floats down. It is horrifying. The fact that you literally see her thumper head against a rock underwater. She could have just fallen in the water and then just bobbed up floating. But the movie was like, let's show you that she's suffered brain injury. Some kind of terrifying disconnect between the completely unrealistic images you're seeing

and the super realistic sounds you're hearing. There's a part later where Gordon the goat, the Alan coming character, falls from a height onto the deck of his ship and there's a thump sound where it's like, oh, that's a little too real. But a Bessie Boobiever decides, I'm going to use my Beaver powers, I guess, swimming to save them. She dives off the cliff and falls in the water. Now, here is where I thought this was gonna be like the opening incident of the movie that just shows you that what Bessie Boo is capable of and then we get on with the main plot. No, saving these characters from the river

is the plot of the movie. Yeah. And so- Goes on and on and on. This river must be roughly a thousand miles long because the characters have enough time to go to Sean Connery for help Sean Connery discusses the plan with everybody in town

Sean seems on board with it so again except for except for the guy hates beavers and the guy who owns the damn floating towards who is the best character in the movie probably his name is tough and he is like the he is like a rich dude or something that again it shows the disconnects between like the human characters getting rid of these beavers and then like I guess the fact that all animals are humans well look that was a national law and this is like a local I see community thing and they're there beaver sanctuary town ah so when a beaver commits a crime

It's the mayor of that sanctuary town that's gonna be on the hook for it I guess Sean Connery or I don't know how many of the mayor is a veterinarian, but he seems to run the place Just yeah, well it seems like one of those daughter lives in the castle It's true like like niche in type situations were out of a chaos of an ungoverned town the naturally superior man shankha nry's skateboarding veterinarian sir billy arises as the natural leader in people flocked to him uh... he goes to the town and he says i need everybody's help

to save these two rabbits in the spieber everyone's on board with it like what can we do how can we help you duck in a plane you're gonna be our sir you're gonna go over see in reekon uh... everyone else split up and go to different areas the duck sees or someone just tells Sean Connery that the mother rabbit is lying motionless somewhere and he goes and immediately diagnosis that she may be paralyzed yeah it's time to go i think you're that's if if she doesn't waggle her foot she could be paralyzed and it's

Is after the goat explains that the the rabbit hit her head and is bleeding to death. Oh, yeah That's right. They're told that the rabbit is bleeding out of her head so they have to go and and and Gordon the goat is like She's lost a lot of blood. It's like now no kids movie should include the phrase lost a lot of blood That's just I'm just gonna say that's right off the bat yeah it was but unlike luckily thankfully they don't animate rivulets of blood pouring out of her skull or thankfully they do not make the rabbit actually paralyzed no thank you they she does waggle or to the the doctors the veterinarians uh... medical

uh... prescription of all the stand here and tell you to wag your toe and ask you really hard to do it works. I was half expecting him to have to trapeine her skull to release the pressure on her brain. To release the demons inside. Now here's the thing. Gordon the goat is dressed as a human-thermic kill bill. Is this wiggle the toe thing also a reference to kill bill?

I can only hope. I have to believe it is. That would be horrifying. There's a bunch of random movie references thrown in here. I was going to, I was, I thought you were going to say, because there's a bunch of rape in that part of the bill. So wait, so, oh, that's hard. So I didn't even think that it seems like a horrible reference for a sterile, disturbing

ability. So you think, so really, if she didn't move her toe, was going to sell her, sell a knight with her to some other creepy guy. Yeah, that's right Gordon-code is pretty lascivious and he's like Serbility is hype man. Yeah, and he's kind of just flamboyant and like Sassy, but he's never really gay and he just pansexual like Alan coming himself like pan The goat man that's where it comes from I guess Like like like Zamfair master of the pamphlet

Most pansexual man there is Actually a flute sexual. Oh wow. Yeah, he works just fluid into his lovemaking. Oh, it sounds horrible Anyway, so now that they've established that she is not paralyzed from the way you're anything what Darry or a gentle movie that was It's San Farron Allison had again from American pie making love the other yep All right, sorry and I bet they would do that as an American pie sequel, right sure American pie colon Zamfeer The Zamfeer, the Zamfeer motto. Yeah, so. And for some reason Eugene Levy is still in it.

For some reason, yeah. So, Chang, that's the reason. And Bobby, the cash registers are sound. And because Eugene Levy puts butts in the seats, why do you think bringing down the house was advertised with a poster that had a word balloon for Eugene Levy saying you got me straight tripping boo. Yeah. Get's butts in the seat. What a crazy late career by that man had.

He's still around. Yeah, no, no. I love Eugene Levy. I'm not saying anything bad about him. It's just so hard bad that Eugene Levy couldn't hold out when Katrina hit. You see him slightly, you know, when the levy broke. He was just standing there going, ah, water, oh, you got me straight drowning, boo. That's horrible. That's terrible. This is the anniversary of Katrina. Not when we're and this is airing. The worst. Not when this is not when that you're releasing this. All right. Anyway, so it is sad. Anyway, so it was being upset this movie. So they've saved kind of the grown up money, but you've still got a kid

be for a kid bunny who are in trouble. Luckily, somebody has a boat and the, and some of the ladies in town decide to go drive it to help them and they manage to save them although the beaver almost gets sucked into the turbines of the dam that the rich guy refuses to shut down although to be honest this is a huge public works project it's powering the village are they really going to shut it down for who knows how long save a beaver and a rabbit

i mean but they're like living creatures are liate they have hopes and dreams. I mean, I don't know. The heels of progress are oiled with the blood of the innocent. That's true. And we haven't seen other than a pilot. We haven't seen a gainfully employed animal characters. Although they all wear jumpsuits.

Yeah. Is that their job or are they just like, is it a man or astroman type thing or a devot type thing? Whether they're in a band. Yeah. What's the deal? Dan, what do you think? Is it is it to make them all look like weird plucked turkeys? Assume it's a comfort thing

So anyway, they managed to save them at the last minute But the moment upon saving the beaver the goat goes paralyzed and falls in the river. It came a little later. So he gets on a boat. Well, no, even before that, he has a cramp. That's right. Falls in the water. That's how the goat gets on the boat. Because he has a cramp and falls off a dam into the water. They are all sure that he's dead, but then he swims to the boat. Then the boat, and this came out of nowhere, is thrust into the air by a Russian submarine that it's mentioned in the text on screen

is having nuclear reactor problems. That is not mentioned again. Although perhaps it would explain why there's so many anthropomorphic animals in the area, if there was a slow radiation leak that was just changing the DNA. But the Russian sub, oh, suddenly they're in trouble. The goat has a plan that involves him

hanging from a rope, catching a rope from the plane that the duck is flying. It flies him over around for a while and he falls off on a dock and when he hits the dock, he is also seemingly dead. Yeah. But meanwhile, like the two ladies who stayed on the boat with the Russian submarine are unharmed.

Like the Russian submarine. Yeah, like the goat did not need to just like get on this flying around rope. It was totally necessary to get on the flying around rope. He just likes the adventure of life. But anyway, then Sean Connery has flashbacks to life that he had with this goat. Seanhawnary thinks the goat might be dead

and yet he flashes back to raising the goat which involved a lot of movie parodies singing in the rain cast of blanka uh... there was one just a random charlie chaplain types and reading identity crisis reading identity crisis which i assume is not the common point identity crisis but i'm not sure uh... it didn't pause it

there was some it was just like he flashes back to his life with the goat and then but the duck manages to deliver special water from a part of the highlands and that reinvigorates the goat needs back to life but this is the this water has been established as being magic i'm guessing this is what that not in the movie

that's what he is that's what he gave the paralyzed rabbit. Oh, I assume that was just whiskey or something. But he gives the paralyzed rabbit a little drop of something from a bottle. But there's a theme in this movie of characters lying on the ground as Sean Carries. Yes, we welcome. It's a theme of characters lying on the ground.

Animals lying on the ground as Sean Connery bends over them and talks about the worst case scenario that they might be looking at. Very casually. I mean, like sadly, but casually, luckily the goat man lives. A sentence I never thought I'd say. Which in your opinion is,

I made a joke about a man with the power of a goat in last week's or last episode all right race monaco i should have saved it for this uh... there it but that's when the police officer who kind of disappeared for a while convinces the russian sub-captain to give him the beaver they have to chase the police officer down

this leads to the skateboard chase that we've been waiting for as shankhanry rides a skateboard through the most depressing areas of Scotland, they're all industrial kind of wastelands. There's like a military base. Bern, you got burnt Aberdeen. Take that Aberdeen. Concrete city.

Dan, you know anything about Aberdeen? It's not like we're city. I mean, I don't know what you're doing. Been there once. Oh, you were there once? Yeah. What were you doing there? Visiting a friend.

It's no Edinburgh. I'll tell you that. Well, no Edinburgh's a great city. friend? It's no ed and burl tell you that well no ed and bros It's a great city. Yeah, glass goes a nice city. Yeah, never dean. That's so much. Okay. I never been there so But they end up in a in a UK Navy submarine dock Where they are stopped by the real police who or who Sean Connery asks for five minutes alone with the policeman who wants to kick out All the beavers and then they can take him to jail But up the police officers arrested for I'm not sure personally impersonating a police officer

Slender yeah, I guess it was weird is that the movie made a point of establishing early on that it was national law that these beavers We're not gonna be introduced so this cop is being arrested i bet it's for this being a jerk overzealous he has to guess that's it you're not supposed to enforce the laws that much uh... everyone celebrates with a big dance party shankha nry gives a kind of rambling speech and then there but the dance

but the dance that happens is the women of the movie the three bustiest women no not the super bustiest right i think i think that's a lot of the people's shankiest women no not the super bustiest right i think i think that's a lot of the shank on rey well no i think that that she should be a part of the dance okay there might the three busiest women do a sexy dance for a long time long time there's a slow jam with a sexy dance the entire movie stops for this and then the the busty sister from new york goes with Sean Connery and Sean Connery's

daughter. After she declares him guardian of the Highlands. Yeah. She says he's like a guardian of the Highlands, which is reiterated by another character. By her daughter who goes, yeah, I guess he is like a guardian of the Highlands. It is the laziest way of getting the title of a movie. And the only lazier way would be if they were like, you know, if they made a movie about this guy, they should call it guardian of the Highlands.

But he goes off with her and asks her if he wants to see the sunset over the Atlantic from the most beautiful mountain in Scotland in the Highlands, which means he's going to bang her. And his sister, no, his sister, his daughter, the mother of the little kid who has been forgotten by this point, his daughter says, oh, it's so glad he's found the happiness that he's been missing all these years. She's, she's, you know, although she's, you know, it has to be. A character who we seems certainly very happy the whole movie. Yeah. Yeah. He's never seems, he's only on, he's barely unhappy when someone's about to die in front of him.

And like, even in a panic, Lee, believe the insane. It only slightly dampens his bus that he's about to witness the death of his best friend, the goat man. But then she says, like, too bad she's a yank, although she does have quite the admirable chest. They don't breed them like that here. It is the weirdest moment. Yes.

And then there's the credits. And during the credits, there's a couple of different sequences. There's a couple different sequences. There's a sequence of, well, then the duck woman flies around for while talking and she just rambles on. And she winks the camera. And then she winks the camera and flies away.

And if her scenes had been cut from the movie because you could do that, it would just be the weirdest thing if a duck suddenly winks the camera and flew away at the end. Otherwise, it works totally normally. Yeah, it makes every time. So, there are three endocredit sequences. One is just the duck lady in the plane. Her plane stops working and she has to get it started again before she crashes.

She was like cut from the film for time. Or it was like test animation to be like, hey, this duck character is a big deal. Let's show the investors. Let's talk about the sequel about, what was what was named Lucille. What was it? Vicki. Vicki. Let's talk about Vicki, the duck right away. Maybe this was like a Vicki, the duck movie, and then they decided to change the focus when they got Sean Connery on board. But they show that for a while. Then all the characters without color,

they just look like 3D models that haven't been colored in or had textures put on them. Walk out and give bows in front of them. And then after that, we see a series of flashbacks that is this movie's version of the opening from up, I guess, where you see Sean Connery romancing his wife as a young man. Getting married, they have a daughter she graduates, and then his wife is old and then dies. And the last shot of it is literally Sean Connery with his hand on a tombstone.

Heading the grave. Sadly. And behind him, the grave, behind him, it looks like he's walking through the grave near the castle where Bugs Bunny met those witches that turned into vultures, like this, it's like is the most like cartoon hammer horror graveyard and that's the last shot of the movie. The show coming morning is why the movie ended, the movie ended happily, but it felt like it needed

to remind us, there's like, oh no, no. A lot of sad stuff happened and it could happen to you at any moment. The grim specter of death is hovering over you at all times Don't don't think that just because the movie has over they live happily ever after they live happily Until their time on this earth came to an end and she is much younger than him So he'll pass before her and she will one mourn him sadly and two Be too old to marry again and so live out her final decades alone I loved not knowing the touch of a man again. Good night children guardian of the high that

I already in the so like this is the animation is not as bad as food fight But it's like It comes close and it's still it looks like where's food fight look like they animated the movie in like three days This looks they hate like they had a week to do it in. Oh wow, okay. But this like, this is a bonkers movie and I have to say, as like, I was, it was so weirdly depressing and sad and yet at the end that's, I've only have laughed harder. I'm like a year that I did it that shot.

I'm massaging his wife's tombstone. The feel good shot of the yearaging his wife's tombstone the field shot of the air raves ellie cation uh... shanconry hilariously warns his wife says ellie cation uh... yeah i were here final judgments is this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like

i'm gonna say is a good bad movie it's seventy six minutes it's almost as crazy as Food Fight, but a little more easy to watch. It doesn't have the fever dream horror. I would say it's less crazy, but it's as silly as Food Fight.

Yeah, so. What is dumb? And it's faster, like it moves quicker. Yeah, that's true. It lacks an elderly gay bat that's true. No, I mean, it lacks the complete insanity of Food Fight. I'm not like, you know, if you want to see something that is going to make you, you know, weep for all mankind,

watch food fun. Raeves, Dan McCollough, I want it with it on the back of the box so badly now. But this has some of the same qualities in the way that I enjoyed. It's the moment when you realize they're going to do a full dance number at the end with just all these like weird CGI swinging others And you're just rubbing your temples kind of willing it to be over or to go on forever. You don't know which

You're the moment you realize it's a good bad movie. Yeah. I would say good bad movie also. I started bad bad that then I got good bad movie. Yeah. I would say good bad movie also. I'd started bad bad but then it got good bad fast. Hi everybody, I'm Justin McAroy. I'm Travis McAroy. I'm Chris McAroy. And we host the first podcast ever made, my brother and my brother made. Every Monday we put out the first ever advice comedy podcast ever. They found our podcast on Dead Sea Scrolls. We're the homerobby code of podcast

and we're ready to entertain you with jokes that we invented the first jokes. So join us every Monday on MaximumFun.org. You'll never crack our code, Dan Brown. Just try me. It's history and the making. And in the fake, and it's all yours for the take-ins. take it. uh... but now

move on to everyone's favorite segment letters from listeners you write them we right what weight make up a word doctor Zeus

But running long so we don't have time for a song that rhymed anyway. Let's go so the first letter I'm like nipsy Russell first letter is first letter It's the letter the letter with the mind is touch And it goes like a letter's touch Dear peaches say you're arrested for murder you didn't commit or hey, maybe you did commit it I'm not here to judge either way. You're entitled to legal representation Which attorney within all affiction do you pick to defend you sincerely Benjamin last name without I think I know I think I know where Ellie it's gonna go with this

but uh... uh... well but you go first then uh... sure a uh... why not why not jimmy steward from an enemy of a murder that's pretty good i mean i don't want to give any spoilers for that film but uh... pretty good uh...

he is but he, but pretty good But he's a pretty good look, but like like many movies about lawyers. He loses at the end And he plays jazz piano. I actually wonder who you think I was gonna say because I think I might say the same person Stewart was gonna say I was gonna say Dan Fielding from night court That's not That's a good choice. I was gonna say Phoenix right Oh from nightcourt. That's not what it is. That's a good choice. I was gonna say Phoenix right. Oh, awesome. Overruled. Oh, I thought maybe you're gonna go with Daniel Webster from your one of your favorite movies. Here's the thing. Yeah, I guess so, but here's the problem. The other webster, if you watch that movie, he's the hero and he gives a great speech. He does not

win that case on the merits. My all all rights that guy is the devil's property he does some uh... legal tom foolery he kind of bamboozles that jury of the damned into releasing the guy for sentimental reasons i don't mean i feel like a best lawyer for sentimental reasons the peppy lipeque he shows them a peppy lipeque art and he says ladies and gentlemen the jury in a world where skunk and rape a cat is what my client did really that bad and they said release him.

Uh, the same way that I don't like that. That's that's a they can do that sentence. I think so. We said to release. Uh, we said in simple. We find the defendant releasing. Uh, in young Mr Lincoln, even though it's based on, on a true story, I don't like it because it makes Lincoln out to be kind of like a shester lawyer who just bad, like

badgers are witness into admitting they're not sure. See I, I think that even though he was kind of, I mean, there's a lawyer, so we had to do slick stuff. That's the thing. I feel like you're putting these moral judgments on these lawyers when I feel like it kind of makes me admire them more. I guess you're right. When I'm working with a system the most novel or so yeah, maybe I would go Daniel Webster or Dan Fielding. Sure. On the subject of beaver slams. Two Dan's. So the next letter. And for our third Dan Dan McCoy goes like this. Dan

and real life. Letter number two. I have to commend you on your recent discussion. Recent, that means I don't know. It's like a hundred and a half. Any time within the past century. Your recent discussion. Recent in geologic terms discussion. Rules time is strange properties of the flop-ass. Rules for 90s kids when it comes to watching

soft core sex comedies and erotic thrillers. Your advice will no doubt provide guidance for those of us who operate in a world without dialogue. As a fellow pervazoid, I felt it would be beneficial to add my own rules to aid my fellow travelers. Rule number one. While at your local video store, check the back of the video boxes to determine a rental. It's unrated, and You've hit the jackpot for where erotic thrillers with the telltale are rating

This means horrifically edited sex scenes that primarily focus on windows Such a unpleasant saxophone solos avoided all costs. Yeah, go with an unrated movie like you turn As an added bonus if it's a horror movie that's on rated, that means there's a pretty good chance that there will be lots more gore and xenobytes. So don't be a gore, pass up that gold one. That's a well-known, but it's true of Jack, uh, Jack Cullen did put in a rule for the MPA that xenobytes equals an instant X rating. Yeah.

That's why NC 17 is that sounds like a clip movie from Hellraiser movies, scene of bites of set of bites. It's what NC 17 stands for. No set of bites for anyone under 17. Rule number two, as Elliot suggested, USA Apple Night can be even better than some of the stuff you'll find at your local video store. Remember, the sensors can blur out breasts and they cut out sex scenes. But for whatever reason, they can got around to, they never got around to thongs and g-strings. May God bless them for their oversight. Rule

number three, for the curious, the world of softcore sex companies and erotic thrillers can prove to be an exciting learning experience. Did you know that the memorable sex scene and payback, which features Joan Severance and a mustachioed C. Tom's Howell going at it on top of the kitchen counter, is a witty homage to the remake of a postman always brings twice, featuring Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lane. Congratulations. Now you're a film historian.

Rule number four. This is by far the most important rule. If you stay up all night watching HBO and the whole state, all night watching HBO and the hopes of catching inside Club Wildside and instead get watching autopsy for or an inside look at the making of the late shifts, never fear. If you last a little while longer, you can either catch the adventures of Tenton

or Bebar coming on at around 5 a.m. Even into feet, you can either catch the adventures of Tintin or Bebar coming on at around 5 a.m. Even into feet, you could be a winner. Josh last name with us. That's a very lived rule that last one. Yeah, that is a lived in. At the very least, maybe an episode of Dream Ons is going to come on. Well, you can watch HBO first look at the HUD sucker project. You can watch Brian Benben running around in Mugging and then one set of breasts maybe or two possibly if it's the same scene Yeah, you sure star Brian Ben

He's right in America sweetheart I mean really the star that shows breasts and the old public domain television clips Those were some very well thought at rules. And if only I had known them when I was 14, I said, I'm having to find them myself. Yeah. So I believe these two emails were referring back, perhaps to the same episode. This is from Mark's, which letters this Mark last year for who know numbers have lost on.

Number three. From Mark last name with held. It floor bikini movies what bikini move kid out of here entitled bikini movies he can't talk in your friends I was flot I was I was following I was following your advice that's my favorite Kevin Biggin show, the following. That's about a guy who follows a flock of birds. Because one of them is a killer. I was following your advice about finding a good movie, looking for keywords like school, academy, and especially bikini.

With this in mind, I sat myself down, got myself comfortable, and readyed myself to watch what was sure to be a rockest ride to boob-boob-town with bik bikini a tall nuclear test footage in color. No! Now normally this sort of thing is in my particular cup of tea. First off there was no sound. This was easily remedied by putting on an old herbal perch teawanna brass LP. Just like in the second.

There were no boob-tacular ladies to be seen. Not even a single person of any kind. Instead, I bore witness to the ultimate perversion, man using his clever creative brain to wreak an ultimate havoc upon the world. I give it an 8 out of 10. So that was from Mark last name with that one. When all that test footage of model houses being destroyed by the A-bomb and their roofs being torn off, is that really that different from the end of Zapped?

Yeah. When he's using his mental powers to rip with Lee's dresses off. It's the same thing, yeah. He learned, there's that moment in the end of Zapt where he merges with like a singularity and he joins time itself and he finds Tetsuo on the other side. In Ketzelhero to Mo Zapt. He learned that there were no bikinis at all. Why? Dan, I think this, well, I think this next one. Dan, I think this, I think this makes sense.

Wow, I didn't realize Noel Coward was here. I'm like, you can't see this at home, listeners. But the Elliott was about to move his glasses in and out. And I, whoa! Like a boy or a young sort of thing. Yeah. Are we on this letter number four, right? This is letter number four. So, letter number four, you're the fourth letter, that means

you win two tickets to Agent 47. No wait, what? Just come on down to the flop house and pick up your two tickets to a screening of Agent 47 now in theaters. Don't understand. We didn't agree on that. So I bought two tickets to Hitman age in 47. I'm trying to look. Usually when you buy movie tickets, you can't just use them for whatever. Well, you wait. It doesn't have my fucking name on it.

Fine, you can take my ID with you. That's not the objective. Not the objection that I was bringing up. By the way, that fucking multi passes available you can buy the original multi pass that they use to. That's right. I still you brought an interesting point before that. I have no one on the internet done a zapped Akira mashup.

I don't know laziness. I have to assume. So this last letter reminds me of the time I had to go to Twitter to personally request somebody make an animated gif of Boba Fett falling in the star like with the text nothing but fat on the top of it. How that didn't happen. How long that take? I took somebody probably three minutes.

But the fact that I had to demand that from the internet didn't already exist. Come on. Shocking. Last letter, Dearest Peaches. There's a Simpson's Akira mashup comic book, make it on. Yeah. That's true. Dearest.

Dearest Peaches, I'm afraid the package of hand stitched underwear, personalized for each view that I mailed was returned to me as undeliverable, is 444 Flop House Drive, Flop House New York, not correct. Mm-hmm. I've now mailed the package one two three fake street 555 flop house way

Flop house America flop house USA Inflop house USA would totally have been our TV show Which was a dance party show still could be do not go to that address to pick up your hitman tickets Hitman agent 47 and theaters now I feel like it's true it's getting a taste of Hitman 47 that we're not we're not getting to wet our beak in the same way. It's better. In case they don't make it through, I will describe the underwear to you. First off, there are all tidy whiteies. Now for Dan, hand stitched across the butt in a fart cloud, the word sigh. For Alex, where the size comes from. Hand stitched across the crotch. Here's the

deal. For Stuart, hand stitched across the crotch. Reminder to self. Do not rip off own ding dawn. But it's got to be upside down so he can read it. Oh,! You might think there's too many characters across a person's crotch. And you'd be right for your average man. There's plenty of material and stewards underwear. I'd better believe it. I like him Maggie. I like my Teddy Whitey's extra Maggie. Be gentle.

He's roomed down there. Walter White style. I like to think that it's like the inside of the houses in Rats of Nim. Yeah. So thank you. Thank you for that underwear we didn't receive. But the descriptions almost make it worthwhile. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm wearing them right now. That doesn't disqualify you from the hitman agent 47 contest, by the way. Instead of wearing the underwear of a dead man. What? I had to have an underwear transplant. And they

gave me the underwear from a serial killer. Oh, no. Night. I think my butt has been murdering people. That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. But I want to watch the rest. But only once every couple of weeks, when I'm wearing that pair of underwear. You're gonna pay for the whole seat. Wait, how often do you wash your underwear? I've got a lot of pairs of underwear to avoid underwashed. Like multiple drawers worth or just one big one.

Yeah, multiple drawers. It's underwear. Oh boy. Anyway, as I was gonna say about my underwear transplant movie, you're gonna pay for your whole seat, but you're going to use any of it because you're gonna walk out uh... so dan tell us more about your extensive underwear collection which realizes literally a thing that if you had a from me talking about it

which to it asked me about it i didn't bring it up as characteristic that tom servo has in mystery science the other than the movie to show that he is boring I didn't bring it up. You literally as characteristic that Tom Servo has in Mystery Science Theatre of the movie to show that he is boring. I always said that I felt like I was sort of a Tom Servo character, but no one believes me. That's true. I think you're the host, though.

I think Stuart's Crow, I'm Tom, and you're the human. Oh, I think you're Crow. I think you're the human. I can be the human. If I'm not Tom, then I'm Joel. Yeah. Well, you're more Joel than Mike. Yeah. Except you're Midwestern like Mike. Maybe like Mike. Yeah. The hit movie. Yeah.

About the kid with magic shoes. Yeah. I'm sort of a Joel Servo combo. Come to bed guy in that Christmas lover. Yeah, Christopher Glover I think's the bad guy in that. It's hard to imagine a bad guy. Christopher Walgons the bad guy in the country bears movie. Yeah well that there's a bad guy. Of course there's a bad guy. Christopher Walgons, a bad guy in the country bears movie. Well, that there's a bad guy. Of course, there's a bad guy. That's a thing in the world of opposites. When you have a alpha and omega, when you have a power for good as strong as the fucking country bears, you need an equally powerful force for evil to oppose them. Otherwise, it won't make sense. There won't be ballots in the universe. The weird thing is he's playing the same character he played in Annie Hall at Dianne Keaton's brother.

Yeah, that's the strange thing. He grew up and became the evil villain who's going to stop the country bears. Some jamboreeing, I guess. Yes. Yeah. Dan, how come they never made a movie out of the kitchen cabaret? What's that? You don't know the kitchen cabaret.

I know. It's one of those don't know the kitchen cabaret is. I know. Oh, it's one of those animatronic shows that you used to have at Disney, where a lot of foods would come out and sing about different types of nutrition. That sounds fantastic. It's their whole videos up on YouTube

when you're done watching the leather man. Go look it up. Once again, don't Google leather man. No, don't Google leather man. No, why not? I don't know what you're into. Yeah Yeah sure. No, you're right. Yeah sure So now's the time on the on the flop house where we recommend a Movie that we saw recently or not so called guardian of the highlights

That we liked that you should watch instead of wasting your lives like we do But you should watch instead of wasting your lives like we do. I'm going to recommend a big fat recommendation. I'm going to recommend a four-hour documentary titled Never Sleep Again. It's a documentary about Nightmare on Elm Street. It's on Netflix right now, so you can watch it for free. Just drag it over near your little queue. If you're already paying for Netflix, not how it works. And then you click on the watch it now,

and then it will show up in your email inbox. You click accept, of course, do not click disagree. So click accept, and then the movie will be streaming. I'm sure the options are accept or disagree. And then what you need to do is jack in. So you just free jack into that. Free jack into it. And it'll begin streaming directly in. Just contact your shadow router. And you're a wet wear. It's wet wear because it's built into your body. It would

be hard to wear if it's that set. So set it up on your existence system. Now, part of the reason I recommend this is because it's great. And another reason is because it's a great, you know, it's all about the history of Nimer and Elm Street. So it's great to see like an in-depth look at a fairly important horror franchise. It's great to see interviews with Wes Craven who just passed away recently.

And it's great to see Wes Craven both talk very enthusiastically about the Nightmare films that he worked on, and also kind of how like classy he was when talking about the stuff that he didn't agree with, like the stuff in Nightmare 2 and etc. And of course, anything, any moment that Robert England is on screen in this thing is fucking pure gold because that guy is a treasure. Yeah. Also, watch people on the stairs. It's another West Craven movie. That's two recommendations there because that's the original leather man if you ask me. West Craven? No, the bad guy and people on the stairs. He's dressed up in like a weird leather daddy outfit. Even though he came like a hundred years after the original leather man, the hobo that

was like, how what? I don't know the fucking story of the leather man. I haven't watched this documentary. You are in French, my friend. Yeah. He likes begging for pies. I live in in caves. Didn't like people that much.

Might have been French. I wanted to recommend a movie. I sorry, we're at a time. I liked so much. I forgot to recommend it last week. This is what I was going to recommend a movie. I, uh, sorry, we're at a time. I liked so much. I forgot to recommend it last week. This is what I was going to recommend. It's called Copcar. It cop car cop car.

It barely got a theatrical release. It's, I think it's, it's theoretically still in theaters somewhere, but you, I saw it. It's doing, it's doing a lot of business streaming from our streaming. It is, is where I saw it's doing a lot of business streaming. Yeah, streaming is where I saw it. And it stars Kevin Bacon as a car. He's a sheriff. He's a corrupt sheriff who loses his cop car that has a body

in the trunk to two children who come across this car and steal it as sort of just, you know, like they're little kids. They're like, oh, it's cool. We've had a cop car, abandoned. Like, this is ours now. We can pretend we're cops. And the Kevin Bacon is great in it because he walks this line between being very menacing and sort of like this panicked buffoon who lost his police car and is doing everything to get it back, but he, but the ways he tries to get it back, he's like, he's a, he's a very smart villain who is in control of the situation until he's not, until like things get away from him. And it's a movie that's sort of similar

to something like Blood, Simple, or Blue Run. It's not as good as either of those quite, but it's a young, or I don't know how young, but a new filmmaker doing a stripped down thriller to show what he can do and what he can do is very impressive. And also one of the things that's kind of that are a link about the movie is that it's really not afraid to put small children in danger, which is a trigger for a lot of people. But if you kind of enjoy that sort of ruthlessness in your thriller, like it's- You enjoy seeing kids in danger.

Yeah, watch Goonies, dude. Look. No, I know it's the stakes of the film. It's not afraid to fall for judges. Watch the witches. They're all in, although people in trouble there are kids and witches, spoiler alert. And the director of that, you, the cop car got him the amazing, the next Spider-Man movie directing gig, yeah. Because that's the way movies work now is someone

shows promise in a small movie and now the first time they're ruined by some huge superhero or monster franchise yeah but i really enjoy the movie a lot that's what i'd like to see that one uh... i have to move is a recommend real quick one new and one old but both about guys with emotional instabilities and mental instabilities

uh... the first is a movie that's out now called the end of the tour uh... starring jason seagull and jesse isenberg about uh... david foster wallis and author who i have not read that much of after admit this made me more interested in reading his stuff and is just a you always complain about his outfits yeah well part of the reason I never read his stuff was because I hated

the way he dressed which is shallow of me and I felt especially bad after he committed suicide but hey look I don't like guys with long hair but bandanas and stuff you know but anyway you know know. But anyway, it's- You know what's what you like, and it's not that. Yeah, that's for sure. But I thought it was a really good movie about two guys who are creative individuals who are not getting out of their creative output,

what they think they should be getting or what they hope to get for Eisenberg's character, its fame and attention and respect. And for Jason Seagberg's character, its fame and attention and respect. And for Jason Seagull's character, Dave Vustrual's, it's, I guess, emotional wholeness. You know, we're a feeling of belonging in the world. And the movie is mostly just conversation between these two people as they go, as Eisenberg, whose reporter for Rolling Stone follows Dave Vustrual's at the end of his book tour for Infinite Gest.

And I thought it was really good. The only thing I didn't like about it was at the end. There's music used on the soundtrack in a way that I found overbearing and emotionally manipulative. But until that moment, I was really enjoying it a lot. So that third-eye blind song, right? That's exactly the one. And I'd recommend that. The other movie I'm going to recommend real quick is an older movie called Marage with Gregory Peck and Diane Baker and Walter Mathau, which is a...

It was directed by Edward Dmitric, who was kind of a second-tier Hollywood director. And everyone in my favorite, so though he has a good eye for shadows. And it feels very much like a Hitchcock type movie and it was written by the same guy who wrote charade right after charade and Walter Mathon, George Kennedy, you're both in it like they were in charade. And it's not quite as good as charade and in many ways it's almost like a not quite as good man charade in candidate, but Gregory Peck is an American kind of New York business man type in the mid 60s

He realizes that he doesn't remember anything about his life before a certain day and has to figure things out because he's on the run and some people are trying to kill him Jason Bourne Kind of except with a lot less shaky camera. Okay. There are a lot of the exteriors were shot on location in New York There's a lot of great footage of New were shot on location in New York. There's a lot of great footage of New York in 1965 or 64 whenever they shot it. And it's just that there's a lot of good funny lines in it and good scenes. It's one of those movies where

it's much better before you know what's going on. Where like it's great to see Gregory Peck just being confronted by strange things and people trying to stop him and he doesn't really know what's going on, but it's still enjoyable all the way through. Anyway, so it's not the most amazing movie in the world by enjoy it a lot.

All right, fine, we did it. All three of us, we certainly did. Five movie recommendations. Six if you can't guard into the highlands. An embarrassment of riches. So pull up Netflix. Oh God. And just zoom in. Okay now turn around. Good. Okay. Slower. Wow. Now use your little power glove to grab onto the Netflix button. Okay. Drag it into your main menu.

Okay. You're gonna have to go through a virtual world and open up a virtual filing cabinet to find the file for the movie. You're gonna want to bang that title. It did come on, Dan. I'm not of your crazy nonsense. Yeah. Why don't we just ask Jeaves about it. Why don't we just pets calm this thing?

Well, it's been fun. It's been a wild ride. Oh yeah. Urban fetish. Our first small timber movie of the year. Small Denver and it's been kind of a great bikini off-road adventure for us.

But we have to say goodbye for now. For the Flapphouse, I've been Dan McCoy. This guy is steward Wellington. And over here Elliott Kaelin saying thanks for listening all the way through. Good night everyone. Fart. Thanks for ruining that still. We had a nice thing and you ruined it. Wow. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ So, man, we got some sizzle reel material here. The reel is sizzling. Tight five. OK, I don't know the thing that means what you think of me. It's five minutes of sizzling reel.

Yep, reel sizzling. A sizzling reel. Tonight, we talked about. We talked about? Is that? Yeah, it hasn't happened yet. That's the thing. So, tonight we talked about... We talked about? Yeah, it's true. It hasn't happened yet. Don't pass text. Please.

It's better off. Uh, wait, so I say... Tonight on the Flop House, we talked about... No. We haven't talked about it yet. Okay. Wait, I got it. Tonight on the Flop House, we watched about... Guardian of the Highlands. Yeah, we went on walk got it. Tonight on the flop house, we watched about Guardian of the Highlands.

Yeah, we went on walk about it. And we saw a weird movie with Beavers and Rapins and Sean Connery. Um, no. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artists owned. Listener supported. Welcome to Oh No Ross and Carrie. Ross. Hey Carrie. What do you think is creepier?

Okay, you jump into a swimming pool all of a sudden the water goes away and instead of water There is the bones of your dead-and-sisters or our show That's pretty tough because we've visited a live exorcism We joined the auto-templey or antis where we had to worship a naked lady. Oh, and we joined that Tony Alamo cult. They were scary. Super creepy. We joined a theory society.

We tried penis enlargement or at least I did. Oh boy, I tried breast enlargement. We have basically done every creepy weird fringe thing except for thousands more, which we will get to if you listen to our show. I'd still say the swimming pool of my ancestors bounce. Well, now you know if people will lose it. I guess they shouldn't.

But if you want to, we're at maximum fun, then this show's called On a Rossing Carry.