The Flop House - Ep. #187 - Fateful Findings

Episode Date: September 19, 2015

No show notes on account of Emmys.

On tonight's episode we watched Indie Darling. Faithful Frightening. No, Faithful Findings. A Holy moly. Faithful Findings. No, Faithful Findings. Faithful Findings. Fible goes west.

What? Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. As always I am Stewart Wellington. And sometimes I'm not me but today I am. I'm Ellie Katelyn. Great. So if you're tuning in for the first time, this is a podcast where we watch bad movie. Hey thanks for tuning in and then we'll talk about it. So weird time to interject that Stuart. Yeah. Your pay friends and new friends, old friends and you friends. Thanks to theodore Geisel. Oh, it's Laurie in the Flop House. Stuart Wellington. Hey, for new listeners, you're maybe even shut off your brains for a moment, but for old listeners, I just, I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, for old listeners, I just, I just, I mean, it's so much as direct to the new list. Are you just encouraging them to commit suicide?

Yeah. Just, uh, well, we'll get back to that later on in faithful findings. What spoiler alert, what, what? Spoiler, you heard it already in the intro. But, um, yeah, full findings. For old listeners, I just, I have a little thing I want to address off the top. Um, I wanted to just take a moment to say one personal thing. And that's that my wife and I are separating. And I only share this with you guys briefly.

So I don't have to talk around the changes in my life and pretend they haven't happened, which I think would be weird. But otherwise, this is obviously a very private thing. I like to keep it that way. But just because the internet has a tendency to be a cruel place where people take sides on things, I just want to iterate. But there are no sides to be taken here. My wife soon to be ex, but my wife Sarah is the best person I know. And we remain great friends friends and we always will.

And so I just wanted to say that off the top before we get back to being funny. And also, we've had a lot of people write in and say that the podcast has helped us help them through bad times. And I want to say that the podcast is helping me through bad times too. So I appreciate it. But that's that. I think I speak for everyone here at Flop House Co. When I say, you mean me? You get into of us.

Say that we love you very much. And we're here for you. And what that means in practical terms is if people want to go on the Facebook page and make jokes about this being because Dan's boring or something, then we'll probably blow up your house and kill your pets. So maybe don't do that. Okay.

You're going to kill Dan's pets? No, not Dan's pets, although I don't like his cat. The people who say those things. But that's just because you're allergic. Let's keep it clean. Yeah, let's keep it clean Facebook friends. Above the belt. Keep it above the belt. Above the belt. Maybe be human beings on this one. Yeah. let's keep it clean Facebook friends above the belt. Yeah, above the belt

Maybe be human beings on this one. Yeah, it's not for everybody on the page just for a few people who are jerks So I but we don't need to dwell on that. I just and I now and we didn't watch a movie tonight What this is all we're gonna talk about. Oh, boy Now we can get back to being funny. I wanted to dress that off the top so we can take the bad taste of it out of our mouths by then doing our regular show. Kind of a lot of pressure. Let's take the top off. Talk about it.

It looks like this movie threatens to do many times. No, it takes up plenty of tops off. You just don't see what's moving. It drops them all around outside of frame. Because Dan, look, let's just say one thing. Yeah. I'm just going to kill the suspense on this one about whether I like this movie. The movie Watch Night was Faithful Findings movie.

Faithful Findings movie. Faithful Findings movie. Faithful Findings movie. I've wanted to see for over a year now I think since I first saw it advertised online. And it was amazing. Look, you can have your rooms is and your academics, now a fateful finance man. Welcome to Small Vemper, everybody.

Yeah, that's the thing. This is definitely a small timber movie. This is a small, a small timber movie because Small Timber doesn't exist. This is a movie that I have to tell a little story, which is that, so gather around the hearth, Kinder, another one of Dan McCoy and his movie tales. Actually, hold on for a second. Sorry, I had to briefly pause the recording to grab a letter, which was a-

Wait, I pulled back the curtain wizard. I had planned two wizards in their curtains. I really wanted to watch this movie for a small timber after seeing the trailer. And I tried buying it from the person who made it. It was written directly by Ann Starr's Neal Brain, who in his spare time is an architect. And a handsome hard body. The movie would have you believe a handsome hard body who is catnip to the ladies. Even though the ladies in the movie kiss him

as kind of chastly and with as little pleasure on their faces as possible. That's a thing. They're worried that they might cut themselves on his diamond-like chiseled features. But I went on the fateful findings website and tried to purchase it direct from the source and I paid the money and the DVD never showed up.

Which is very appropriate to the movie fateful findings. But as if by magic, Flophouse fan Josh Hollis, the guy, I don't know what that dude. He's done a bunch of great Flophouse Photoshop. He did copies of the flop house inquire with a bunch of great flop house in jokes, but he mailed a copy of the DVD for faithful findings to us. Like he did not know that it was

something that we wanted to watch and it just magically appeared right before. So in a way, didn't you get the DVD you bought? Yeah, as if I kissed Matt. Yep, it's almost like a mushroom magically morphed into that DVD. Yeah, which leads us into that, I guess. Well, let's just say this was a case of serendipity, when fate has a sense of humor,

to strangyews out. So Neil Brain is an independent filmmaker and also Mark DeTex. The most independent from logic, skill, talent, story, telegobility, and let me. Loftin alone in the shots. Let me just say that the subtitle on the poster for fateful findings is this is the subtitle on the poster.

A paranormal thriller where a computer hacker exposes worldwide secrets that is much more succinct than the movie. It describes about two or three of the six or so plots that are going on in this movie, which include, it's going to be so hard to talk about this movie in chronological order. But let's just going to mention off the top. We're going to try. Just mention off the top that there is a novelist computer hacker who exposes secret government and corporate secrets as he calls them His drug addicted pill popping wife his drunk neighbor who is a wife does not want to have sex with him It's crazy team neighbor the daughter of his neighbors who is trying to seduce him also he there's a ghost and also magic stone powers

And disappearing people just a bunch of random disappearing people who we don't understand. Two psychotherapists. Two psychotherapists, one of whom is some sort of paranormal ghost spirit. Yeah, like a little juicy woman. It's just not very good at his job. And so let's start from the beginning, shall we? We begin sometime in the past. There are two kids who are tromping through the woods as kids do, and they find a mushroom

on the ground which dissolves into a magic box of stones Yep, so we're in like ruseau finish folk tale Tutorial ready doesn't do the normal thing that a mushroom does which is either make some a larger or smaller or Make super Mario more super. That's well makes them bigger. Yeah. I guess that's just science Yeah, well the thing is you want to get the right mushroom. Some mushrooms make you bigger and smaller, some turn you super. When gives you like an extra guy or something, right?

Yeah, yeah, there's a one up mushroom. And some of them just make you real nice. I don't know what that means. Make you real nice. Not, I don't understand. You know, like a mushroom that teaches you to get a lightness As your eye make that sound every time you wink, man, that's really crazy

So they find this magic mushroom which is not a drug. It's an actual mushroom that's magic Yeah, they take stones from it and the girl writes in her diary turns into a little box in a bag And they just keep pushing the like, rope, the ties the bag over and then they cover it up with grass and it turns back into a mushroom. And oh, either way, there was a cattle skull that kind of like just kind of nodded. And after finding this magical box mushroom, the young girl writes in her diary, it's a wonderful day.

It's a magical day. Oh shit. She writes it by watching different movies. That's the one thing she writes on the page like diagonally. Across the lines. It's a magical day. Unfortunately, she and her family are moving away. And a voiceover.

And a voiceover tells us that she has a bracelet. A voiceover, that's important for later. A voiceover from the boy, now a grown man played by Neil Brin, tells us that he never heard from her again, and he never saw her again at the end of that magical summer. And there's like eight shots of the car driving away, and the kid running after waving at it, and the distance that the kid is from the car

keeps shifting from shot to shot. And the car is moving at three miles an hour, as it drives away. That's just, and it's as if he found two children who have never waved before in their life. And then he had to add dog, teach them how to do it.

I know. I know. I know. Let's just, right at the top, mention that everything in this movie is done at the lowest level of competency. Everything is possible. Everything is possible.

But in it, it's But in a great way, if I was trying desperately hard to make a movie that was poorly made and made me, it was terrible in no sense, I would never be able to achieve it. I would have to unlearn so much basic film grammar. No, Tim and Eric could only dream of this movie. They hope one day to sit at the feet of this Buddha of filmmaking.

Like compared to this guy, Tommy Wazoo is like Hitchcock, you know, basically. And that is not an exaggeration. The room is much more competently made in this film. So we flash forward to the present. A guy is walking down a sidewalk. It cuts to a wall. And this is inner cut with shots of just random shit that doesn't seem to make any sense. There's a long panning shot or a long tracking shot.

I'm sorry, down the hallway of a storage locker facility. Apology accepted. Thank you. To a magic book on a pedestal of some kind that gold dust is falling on. Okay, cut away from that. We're not interested anymore. The guy's walking down the street,

turns out he's on the phone with his wife, even though we don't hear him talking or see him talking, and she is glad that he's coming home soon. She is at her kitchen sink, which is beautifully decorated with a potted plant to be bananas. The giant outdoor potted plant. It's like they wanted the room to look lived in,

so they just added the kind of potted plant you would put outside a back door. Yeah. Three bananas. You're like, what kind of clip art can I drag over into this shot? He is hit by a car, a Rolls Royce, driven by a very busty lady whose face we never see. We never see. But she's certainly nippley. That's that's you know about her. And now that that's what the APB for the police Suspect is niply her repeat headlights are on the

This begins that the major theme of the movie which is teasing the viewer with the idea that they might get to see breasts and then not showing them There are like four at least busty women in this movie that they keep for at least busty Like they keep showing scenes where they are topless, but they're lying on their chest or they're inside or their back is to you or there's two different scenes where a woman's shirt comes off and you just see her feet and the shirt falls down. And it won't be like a fulking film. Like there's some hilarious sound effects in here. So he's hit by a car. There's blood everywhere on his face.

And he's lying perfectly still on his back. He's desperately trying to reach his flip phone. And it's one of those razor phones where like it's open sideways. Yeah, because he's a famous novelist, dude. Yeah. But he goes to the hospital. He has a magic stone in his hand. I don't remember if he's giving famous novelist dude. Yeah, but he goes to the hospital. He has a magic stone in his hand.

I don't know if he's giving it or not. They take him to the hospital very slowly. They spend so much time putting an oxygen mask on his face. Like if this was an instructional film about applying oxygen masks to the faces of coma victims, like they would do it with more speed. Well, there are also just like five people standing and all I'm saying, is he dead?

Is he breathing? And each time that someone says something, it's intercut with a slow panning shot of their feet as they stand there. And there's a shot of a guy going, he was hit by that Rolls Royce. I'm a witness, I saw it. The Rolls Royce was right there.

It's still there and it's still got blood all over the front of it. So that's here, he's great witness, great. There's so many shot scenes where it's a cut, it's a close up of someone saying a line, then either a cutaway to a panning shot of something unrelated or a close up of another person having a totally unrelated conversation. Like, it's like waiting for good dough level,

like ambiguous dialogue at times. Anyway, so he goes to the hospital, he's got a phantom of the opera of God's all over his face, just like covering half his face. Some people who we figure out are his wife and a friend, because the guy says, I'm his closest friend. I can't believe this has happened to him. There, the doctor takes a long time

before he says anything. There's a little bit of a long shot of the doctor, the wife and the friend, and the doctor takes a long time before he says anything. There's a little bit of a long shot of the doctor, the wife and the friend and the doctor is just looking around. And I guess the idea is supposed to be that he's examining the patient, but he's just kind of looking at all the stuff in the room. And he tells them, it's there's nothing he can do.

He's very, he's a, there's very little brain activity. The neurologist comes over. She says, he's not my client I'll take a look she feels his pulse and then says he's not you know, he's he suffered severe brain Yeah, she says good a doctor as Sean Connery was in Guardians of the high Like guardian of the Highlands. There's just one guardian. Oh, yeah, well, you're right She she bring maybe she studied under him like Lorraine brakko and medicine man And so she took his his philosophy of I'm gonna stand next to people and talk about how bad it could possibly be But you're right, maybe she studied under him, like Lorraine Broko and medicine man.

And so she took his philosophy of, I'm gonna stand next to people and talk about how bad it could possibly be and hope that that shocks them into getting better. He fortunately though, has a magic rock in his hand and that heals him I guess. He gets up and walks away on his own. Although maybe he's a ghost

based on the later things that happen to movie Yeah, magic wind blows by like the wind in the willows or something cut to his hallway at home where his oh Well, he gets up when we see his butt through his hospital gown Yeah, so to change the nudity you see in the movie is his his hospital gown open in the back because like Tommy was Oh low-budget otters believe they have the greatest hinders in the universe, and you've gotta see him. I mean, when a guy spends this much time in his body, he should show it off.

It's a waste of, you don't wanna cover up that treasure. He's a little bit like a guy who, he's just a normal guy who doesn't really take great care of himself for jogs every now and then, and someone once said to him, hey, if you squint a little, you look kind of like David DeCuffney. And he was like, I should be a movie star. If you squint a little, you look like Bob Shea

from New Line's. So, if you, you know, if I look like a little bit, you could be, you know, the lead singer from Rush. Like, he's kind of, he's kind of an Alan Rickman without the dangerous like sexiness that Alan Rickman brings like more puffiness Except he's got a very sharp cheekbones. Yeah, and his eyes glow with an inner animation that gets more and more as the movie So anyway cut to his hallway at home where his hospital gown and his bloody Bandages are just littered the floor and he's in the shower which implies that he walked home in his hospital gown.

Yep. Like nobody stopped him. His wife is like, oh, you're home and they embrace the shower. Yeah, I'm concerned. And she gets in the shower with her. And they slow down. And they just kind of slow down. Wally wears that like half mask bandage thing.

Yeah. Still as the bandage on his face, he's otherwise naked. She is in a shift that's becoming see-through with the water. With bloody pink water. And they just kind of hold each other and turn slightly from side to side. And that begins another theme in the movie, which is the romantic, the lead actor's romantic interest in the movie, not wanting to touch him very much. And I'm going to kind of keep their distance in the love scene.

That's another similarity between him and Tom Huzo. I think it's pretty clear that the romantic leads do not want to get involved with him. No. Well, they're sexually intimidated. Now, you're going to have to help me. I believe that then cut to the scene where the neighbor, their best friends, their neighbor is having a drunk an argument with his wife who does not care for wearing bras. She likes to wear loose halter tops that she can just kind of, you know, bounce around. She lounges around talking about how bad her job is at the bank and the office at the bank. Oh, I just got that relationship now.

He complains that they haven't had sex in a long time. Their daughter over his daughter who's her stepdaughter overhears this and she is just to spawn it over it. Cut to again on now there's so many cuts. Here's where I'm not sure where the order of things happens. Now we find out that the business is over. This movie, for a movie that's ostensibly about secret government secrets and ghosts, and magical things. Like most of it is interpersonal relationships and people hitting on the main character.

It kind of feels like there's a guy who saw Donnie Darko. Yeah. And he also saw like a John Casavetti's film, Marathon, and he's like, why can't I do it all? Why can't I have some kind of supernatural, conspiracy thriller? And also, you know what, throwing these real relationship are like this.

And at times, it also feels like a David Lynch movie, the way that there's something CD and creepy going on, but it's mostly soap opera stuff, but it's not intentionally that, I don't think. Yeah, I mean, it feels like he directly lifts Angelo Badalamenta's Twin Big Score for most of these singles. Well, crossed with like weird like Irish flute music,

sometimes I can't. There's a lot of notes in Irish flute. That's true. And also that he does has dream sequences raised in like an oozy black room. That's never really explained. Which like we were talking about, there's something about incredibly

an apt filmmaking that can be inadvertently super creepy because nobody acts like humans at that point. They all act like weird mannequins or reptile people that are wearing the skin of humans. It feels like weaves dropped on a suburb where everyone's an undercover alien, but they're all from different alien species. So none of them know how humanity operates,

but they don't wanna blow their cover even to each other. Yeah. So here, I'm just gonna talk about what happens in the movie in general sense, they don't remember the order. So a lot of the next, like half hour of the movie, roughly seems to take place in his weird office, which is we only see the corner of,

and it's just a desk covered in four or five of the same book, and five open laptops that are never turned on. They're never turned on. All the same Sony laptops. But he types on them and he breaks them and then he uses them again later. They're great laptops. They're so durable. You don't even have to be turned on and you can write, you can do some hacks.

You don't even have to type normally. You can just bang at them randomly. We learned he's a computer scientist who somehow became a best-selling novelist. He's tired of writing novels. He's hacked into government and corporate secret. It's a thing. When he's realized that he has no more worlds to conquer at the novel game, he becomes a super hacker.

But he mentions these hacked into the secrets to his wife. Then he mentions it to her again, and she's shocked by it the second time. Then, and she says, oh, you're in trouble. Then we forget about that plot for a long time as we get involved with the wife's addiction to the husband's pills that this psychoanalyst has been prescribed. Yeah, there's some kind of addictive pain pills that is psychoanalyst prescribes. We get into that. We get into the alcohol problem of the neighborhood.

Psychoanalyst who meets him in a conference room. It blocks up a stairway in a mansion and ends up in a conference room. It's a weird mansion though, because if you look down the hall, there's clearly like an exit sign. So maybe it's not a mansion. I feel like it's like a massage parlor. It certainly doesn't look like an office building. It could be a hotel like an office building. It was not an office building. Like it could be a hotel or a spa, maybe.

Yeah. And he goes, the sign on the second-hand store says, sweet 1111, doctor so and so. And it's like, you couldn't even think of an interesting number for the room. It's just one after it's just one. But also he does his therapy. Like there's a long conference table.

There's like eight chairs in between them. they each sit on the opposite into the table Like that scene in citizen Kane that's supposed to indicate how far Kane and his wife have gone across He it's like if in network Peter Finch was going to his therapist when he went to see Ned Baydie and Ned Baydie Yelded him about the order of the universe like that's what this room is Ned Bady yelled at him about the order of the universe. Like, that's what this room is set up. Like, maybe it's a new radical form of therapy where you can pretend you're at a meeting, but the distance you sit from each other

represents is a physical representation of the emotional distance between the two. Sure, or like each chair is filled with one of the monkeys that's on your back. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Come in the room. Now let's populate this room with all the people you have issues within your life. We're going to have a meeting right here. I call it terrible therapy. So the doctors really push in these pills. I think because the wife is asking him to so she can get to them, that's never really clear. He says no more pills and throws him in the toilet, but she pulls him out again

some they have some conversations that are like eight conversations condensed into one conversation what they can go back and forth about like how she can take it anymore and then they were they were they were they reconcile and then she can take it anymore and that's it but he had a lot of hilarious scene he starts throwing his computers on the floor and then his can't take it anymore than that. They have sex on his desk, but he's. Oh, that's hilarious. Oh, that's hilarious. He starts throwing his computers on the floor and then his papers.

Super slowly. Like, it's not like he like sweeps everything off his desk. It does it in a bit of passion. He's one at a time. And she thinks this is a matter of use. Yeah, never breaking eye contact with her. He sweeps the shit off his desk and comes out of the villa.

It's like that scene. And he's sweeping laptops off his computer. Like he's breaking his things. It reminded me more of that scene in dirty rhyme scoundrels where Steve Martin is playing Ruprecht and he's like upset and he slowly drops one thing after the other after off the mantle.

Like that's how he's doing it. Once he's done clearing the desk, well I guess he's still the deffers. They start tearing at each other's shirts as if they're trying to take them off, but they're just kind of ripping them. And that's when the, when it's playful monkeys. Well, it certainly feels like she didn't realize that this was going to be a love scene. She thought at first she thinks it's a scene where he's trying to attack her and she's

just fighting back and then she's like, Oh, no, no way. Okay. This is your idea of making love because you're weirdo. So we're going to do these super awkward kisses because she couldn't handle the raw masculinity that Neil Brin is bringing to the scene. Yeah, like they're kissing like both on the like the side of their mouths ramming them to get. Maybe it's a situation where like the time Jackie Chan had a lump of interest in a movie and all these women killed themselves. Maybe Neil Brin wanted to spare the rest of the... Except he has three to four love interests in this movie. That's true, but all those kisses seem very forced. So they didn't, they couldn't think

there's actual passion there. They are, the kisses are done with all, all the realistic passion of a reluctant first time lesbian porn actress. Who is not interested in being in this lesbian scene, but you gotta pay the bills. So she's gonna kiss the charts on the ground. You better do something with it.

That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard. That tarp doesn't get picked back up until it's been part of it. What are you gonna do? Rake some leaves onto it? No. It's on the ground. We can't put it over a pool. So you better make some use of it. So the, so that's make sweet

love. The daughter from next door comes over. Oh, so there's a big barbecue. It is big. It's so big. It's so big that several shots are repeated. As if the director doesn't think that we'll notice that they just did the same shot. Well, they have a beach umbrella with a sponsor company name on it, set up at the head of the stairs of the pool, which it makes no sense when you'd have an umbrella. Every scene of the party has like six people in it,

but the background sound effect sounds like Final Fantasy VII where Cloud is at like a fucking bar or something. Or like the sound effects from the Beatles. You know my name. Look up the number. Like the party. They he wants you to think there's at least well more than five people at the party. Yeah. When it doesn't make sense. Well, I mean, I don't even know what why he wants you to think that. Like what is it tempting? Oh boy. So the party scene, that's when the movie starts getting interesting. Yeah. Relaxing in a year. So the the drunk neighbor hits on the wife. She doesn't want anything to do with it and to show how drunk he is.

He goes, you're drunk. He's like, no, I'm not. And then he knocks over a plate full of corn. This is after the wife has taken the main characters. Whole year of corn from his plate. So that's the ruined the stealing of corn is really a big thing. It's one of those great shots where normally the director would be like, that was super awkward, let's do it again, but instead he's like, no, let's just keep it. It's weird the way she takes an entire ear of corn off my plate and I awkwardly adjust it so all the chicken doesn't fly off.

Also, when the drunk eye knocks, the plate of corn over, you don't see his face, it's like a shot from the neck down from an angle point down like the rest of this movie of the of the corn And then he he knocks it over to knocks on the thing over and they just waves his hands around A little shimmy like his dancing Like they were like he was supposed to have more of a drunk like bedlamps scene But they only had two plates to knock over. So this is gonna wave me his hands up. You don't notice he's not knocking anything over. They only had two plates and he had to stay in frame

the whole time. So like be drunk within a very specific set of confines. But more importantly, the neurologist that saw him in the hospital shows up. The one who he was on her patient, but she would see him anyway. Yes, and I think we find out why. She's wearing the bracelet that the girl...

She killed Leah and took the bracelet? No, that is not the inference you're supposed to have. She is Leah. But she looks so much younger than our lead. Well, and here's that, this is, okay, so this is my theory about that. In addition to me, she was a neurologist on the International Space Station.

She's had some time in space, maybe a flying light speed. Okay. Because of the laws of relativity, she is aged at a slower rate than her hero, who is clearly 15 to 20 years older than her. I would think it might be exposure to the magical energies of the black rock that he holds in his hand. That it's aged him somehow. Yeah, that she absorbing his life energies. I see. It's like a L-'s sword storm bringer. Yeah. Yeah. It's exactly like that. She found the bracelet of life, which gives her eternal youth. Yeah. Like the weird gem bracelet she wears. Yeah. Yeah. So he realizes. And with holograms, maybe I

don't know. Does she have a, I'm assuming she has a bracelet? She has a ton of bracelets. It's the 80s. Everyone was wearing bracelets. But the missed last songs are better. That's that's what I know. Yeah. especially when Danzig was still with them. Yeah. I don't know. I never understood why Gem and the holograms, the cartoon would pick a name for their villain band that is a real band's name. It's not like the misfits named themselves after the Gem and the holograms band.

Been around since like 79. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, it's like she must get them. And be like it on the phone. them. I would just say the creator of John the Hall of Rams, I'm disappointed in your lack of knowledge about the horror punk genre. Yeah, why don't you pick a brand new name that nobody's used like the River Bottom Nightmare band.

Nobody's ever used that or spin doctors. Oh, yeah, yeah. If you want to be, you know, super great. So the tea rick that recognizes her and immediately is so happy and is holding hands with her constantly throughout the party right in front of his wife. Oh, there's a great part where he's holding her hand and it cuts to the wife noticing and then it cuts back to their hands,

pulling away from each other real fast. But the timing is just bad enough that everything is super unnatural. Yeah. So he has found her, they will eventually go frolicing in the woods and have another one of these weird love-making things where a shirt falls on the ground.

Well, his wife, well, I'm getting ahead of myself because his wife dies of a pain killer overdose, knocking over a glass of water on the bed. Yeah, which we're supposed to read, I guess, as white wine, but it is clearly just water. But this is only after. So his best friend is always tooling around on his Ferrari, by which I mean, polishing

the mirror, that's all he knows how to do with this car. His wife comes in and they argue, then the wife leaves and then comes back with a gun. She says, I'm going to shoot holes all through that car, but then shoots her husband. The daughter runs in and sees that she did it and the mother is like, don't go in there. Don't go in, you didn't see anything.

You didn't see anything and then the daughter goes, you killed him, really calmly. And she says, you didn't see anything and then the daughter goes, Dad, dad, and is running towards him. And it's like, did you reverse the order of those shots when you were editing because she seems to get she goes from calm to super yeah Elliot have you ever been in that fucking situation dude that is a good point i cannot judge stepmom shoots your dad while your dad was i guess massaging his

Ferrari testerosa you know what i don't have i a step mom, but my dad doesn't have a Ferrari, so I don't think I'll ever be. And then the mom lays the gun down near the dead husband. The perfect crime. The perfect crime. With our wiping it for prints or anything. Or putting the gun in his hand or anything like that. And says, oh, committed suicide.

Cheering burned her fingerprints off in an accident years ago. And other than the daughter telling our hero, oh, my mom killed him. It wasn't a suicide. This is not revisited at all. No resolution. Never, never again. Oh, I should mention about the daughter.

We forgot to mention that. She appears one of the many almost topless scenes. When she just shows up at their pool after the barbecue and is just standing at the top of the pool stairs with like, like, kind of knee deep in the water just thrumps, splashing water at nothing. Then she takes her top off and comes from the back. We see her from the back. And calls for Dylan the hero and he goes, oh, no, you can't do this.

Stop it. And then she takes, and she puts her top immediately back on. She puts her top on and then goes to take a bubble bath. I mean, he's a grown handsome man. There's no way this teenage girl could handle that. No, no, that's why he says no to her because she's just not ready. He would destroy her.

He would ruin her. She wouldn't be able to walk for a month. Nor would she ever be satisfied with another man. No, she never find that sort of joy. I don't think that's the moral of what happened. It's one of the, it's like the movie that the guy mentions to Woody Allen and Manhattan of where the woman is so satisfied by her orgasm that she dies instantly, that's what

would have happened. Okay. Anyway, the, he says no, no, she tries to take a bubble bath, classic Poison Ivy News seduction move. He's not falling for it. And his wife, then he's cut to, he's on the couch with his laptop work and life's like, oh, was Ali here? It's like, I can't talk. I'm too busy working. You know what? You know what she did? She was swimming in the pool, topless. And then she tried to

take a bath. And the wife goes, I'll call my friend. And the neighbor gets on the phone and goes, thank you for telling me about that. She shouldn't do that. I'll talk to friend and the neighbor gets on the phone and goes, thank you for telling me about that. She shouldn't do that. I'll talk to her about it. Cut to the daughter in her room ground and crying. But also, our hero said, I told her that she couldn't come back here again without permission.

Without calling first. It's like, I don't understand how that would have changed the situation. This is after we've had a, or before the scene, I don't remember where he's arguing with his wife and he's on the laptop and she's like, I'm having a hard time at work and he's like, I'm busy and then cut to her talking,

cut back to him, the laptop's gone and he's cross-legged on the couch with bare feet, just kind of wrapping with her, you know? Like a, like girlfriends. There's, anyway, so he reconnects with his... You're doing a great job by the way. Yeah, this is a hard movie. This is a tough one. Like I've forgotten. This movie is a real clip. You've forgotten more about this movie than you remember. There's, they took a bunch of scenes, put them in a sack, and just shook it up, and just empty that onto some film.

So many shots will have a character like a close-up of a character saying something super weird, and then it will immediately cut to a close-up of that character wearing different clothes doing something different. You're like, how much time passed? I don't know what's going on. Is this the same scene? There's a scene where they have dinner with their friends. Oh, it's, yeah, it's all shot in one shot.

It's all one shots, and they are. I don't think it's dinner because at no point do we see food. It's, she says I'll go get the food now. But the... Yeah, but yeah, that's the cheapest way to get around a fake dinner. But they are having so many different conversations with each other. And there's the, they... The line is completely unrelated to the net.

That teenage daughter wants to talk about her fucking stupid elephants class. Project about, she's almost done with school. They're doing a great project about elephants. It's like, are you an elementary school? Like, what? This the whole anyway. So let's give a head to he's reconnected with his his childhood girlfriend, Leah, who they go out to the forest to find their magic mushroom place again. And they find it and it turns into a box with some strings or tassels or something. His wife kills herself with pills, while he's well.

Then they do. Well, they're making love. Well, he's out their shirts hit the floor again with a thumb. Well, yeah, he's out padding. He's got a move, dude. Adding her face with his lips as if checking it for lights in some way. You know, it's like her face is a minefield. I can tell she's and he's worried that if he kisses too hard, she's gonna explode.

Sure. For her, it's almost she's worried that if she touches too much of his face, she'll be reduced to cinders and ashes from sheer heat of his passion. And he pushes her shirt down in a weird way and then it falls to the anyway, there's just over his shoulder, just over the shoulders for a little while and you're like, do they, do they think that we can't see the top of her shirt peeking out of the bottom of the frame? Do we, are we supposed to think that she's nude? I don't understand.

And instead of thinking she's nude, they're going to have sex what you think is, or they're in love. What you think is before this shot, they negotiated how far he could pull her shirt down. And the great thing about it is right after that it'll immediately cut over to a shot of him with his shirt pushed most of the way down so the girls in the audience. So for the ladies. I want to reiterate. There's a Han Solo for the crowd.

I want to reiterate that like we may seem super pervy for like focusing on this so much, but the movie drove us to it. There is. The movie is constantly. It was kind of like it was trolling us. It was like the movie was flying at Duke. It was like, look. Where it's like, let's see how close we can get to having someone be naked without a

being naked. The only way this movie could be more entrapment is if Catherine Zeta Jones slid under some lasers. With a pair of pants on. Yeah, with leather pants on. with a pair of pants on. Yeah, with leather pants on. The pair of pants on. Because if she did it in like a skirt, that's not entrapment. No, that's not the same movie. So, okay, so this is around the time we get back to the storyline of the secret government and corporate secrets that he hacked into. He has a lot of loud arguments with, I guess, his publisher on the phone, about how they're not respecting him and they keep asking for deadlines.

And he throws around the same three copies of his book in the same way that he throws around his laptops. He has three laptops and four copies of his book and he's just always throwing them or tapping them on things. Anyway. There's definitely a scene where he accidentally throws the he throws the book at his laptop But it flips over to reveal a spine and you know that wasn't in the like the plan because it doesn't say his name on it This I've sometime before this what about the scene where he passes out and spills coffee on his face He starts making a face like he loves it and he can't get enough And he starts making a face like he loves it and he can't get enough. To the car accident, he's having headaches because of course he would.

He was hit by a car. Sure. And yet he's like, oh, and he's got coffee precariously placed in the keyboard of his laptop. And he knocks it over. And he like, he falls, it's like his head falls on the paper and then he knocks the coffee. No, well, his head falls down and then he's like regaining consciousness

and he sees his coffee and he's like, oh, that's what I want coffee. And he tries to drink it and it tips it all over his face. And he just spills over everything. Well, yeah, instead of being like, ah, hot coffee on my face is like, oh, that's nice. He's like my skin is absorbing,

his fresh is caffeine, I love it. I needed one of my pen to facial caffeine, that's what makes me feel better. He's also begun seeing another therapist by this point. A woman who sits on folding chairs so close to him their knees are interlaced. It's you would it's supposed to be different than his other psychotherapist who's all about medication. She's all about being magic. And that she fades away at the end of it as if she was a ghost or alien or whatever,

but she tells him he has a special power, the things he's learned are very important, he's up to him, it's all super vague. It's like if Yoda never really explained anything to Luke and never taught him how to do flips and balance rocks and just died and disappeared at the end, but it was all vague, mumbo jumbo, that's what this character is like.

Okay. And they exactly like Yoda says, Ellie. Yeah. This one is performance is just like Frank Oz, but I guess I didn't even see that it that he must say like, I'm going to show how far apart he is from this other therapist by having him sit on an obstinance of a room. I'm going to show how in tune these people are by having them sit with their crotch is almost touching. And it's the closest to a smart director. I'll show you.

It's so it's fun. I was thinking about this earlier today that like you read, like kind of readings of films and you're like by showing him from below they emphasize how powerfully is as he looms over and you're like, yeah, that's kind of obvious. I don't know if you needed to state that in words, but it just shows you how like symbology in a movie can be either simple and strong and simple and incredibly stupid. In this case, it's incredibly stupid. Look, I'm no semi-attition, okay? This is just how it gets me. Anyway, so he's decided to reveal these government secrets. There's a ghost that's floating around every now then. There's a dream sequence where like a weird ghost like a transparent man like walks

into the house and then blood falls on the floor and then he fades away. I don't know what that's all about. We've seen this character a couple times where he's just a pair of black shoes and black pants who fades away and dissolves. I don't know what the meaning is. I'm a mirror that's shaking is exactly. Picture is shake a bunch. A mirror that's shaking. There's a bunch of scenes where the director, star, writer, producer is nude in that black room. Yeah, and that's the most like twin-pixie part.

And he's hugging a nude woman whose hair is covering her face and it seems pretty clear that that woman represents Leah, the girl he's reconnected with, but that Leah did not want to do a nude scene. And so he hired someone else like Edward Belagosi, plan nine style, hired someone else and then covered their face with something. That's my guess. Anyway, he's, even though his wife just died.

Well, like Scott McLeod always says. He expects that the audience is going to be able to fill in the blanks between the two shots. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's just filling in the gutters. His wife died, he comes home, and he has two great grappling with someone's death scenes. One of his friends, where he's holding his friends bloody head, and he wipes the blood on his face for no reason.

And he's like, I'm not gonna be able to help you out of this one. I was like, yeah, dude, it's dead. I don't know. I think he's gonna make a deal with the, like, he's gonna, like, Daniel Webster Satan about this. And he knows, he cradles his dead wife's body and he just was saying like, what, it was you,

it was you, or something like that. And then the music swells and he seems to be saying something but they cut the audio track out. People, he's like, well, one point he's clearly like, no, no, Darth Vader, episode three style. I wanna talk a little bit about how this movie makes a lot of weird cuts to people's close-ups of Facebook they're talking.

And in a lot of those cuts, they don't try and match up the background sounds that well. So in some shots, you'll be like, oh wow, they turned the air conditioning on for this shot. But then a second later, you're like, oh, they turned it off. It must've gotten too chilly in that room. It's kind of like, I'm just saying any room tone.

It's like the opposite of the movie hustle and flow where they make a big deal about like turning off the fan before they record their rap songs. In this case, they turn nothing off. And you can't, like, it's like they bring in a couple extra refrigerators to have running in the background. So much, it's, this movie feels like someone

who wants to be David Lynch and is really bad at it at times. It also feels like someone who wants to be making enemy the state in this bad at it. But like, when you look at David Lynch, it's beautiful. I would love to see David Lynch make enemy of this state. When you look at David Lynch's movies,

like his sound design is so important. Like so much of the power of a racer head is in the sounds that you're hearing and how consistent and how just overwhelming they are. And this is the exact opposite of that where he was sound. Yeah, we're recording the dialogue. Move it along, people.

We'll cover up all that other stuff with this Irish flute music. So his wife is daddy's taken up with Lee as she's already sleeping in his bed face down so you can see the side of her boobs but not the front. There's a scene where the worst neighbor gets killed. There's a scene where his neighbor wakes up in bed with his wife and they are awkwardly not talking each other. But they're both asleep, lying face down with their arms up on the pillow with the same pose as like, they're getting couples massages.

Yeah. But like, is a very couple slept in the exact same pose? I feel like it was the director being like, all right, you be in this position so we can see most of your move, but not all of it. And I guess you be in the same position, so it's not obvious what you're doing. You be in the same position because I don't want to show the audience that you have a better peck than I do. Now, now I wanna get back to how there's a ghost in this movie.

When I say ghost, I mean, kind of an animated plastic bag that floats through the air that's you're supposed to see in Zwallow. The ghost is nothing but a memory, Elliot. Yeah. The, there's just ghost, this thing just pops up and pops out and doesn't signify very much it shakes a mirror at one point and that gives him the inspiration to finally reveal these secrets he sneaks out of bed so it's not

to wake up Leah it may be the funniest shot in the movie where it looks like he is escaping a one night stand or something like that it's he got he goes to the desert he drew oh she's been kidnapped, too. Did I forget to mention that at one point, she's been kidnapped. I forgot that that even happened. She is chloroformed and kidnapped and taken to a van at a storage locker place.

She's not even in one of the storage lockers. Luckily, during her struggle, she knocks loose a business card from her assailant's pocket. That is the way. That has the wear, yeah, that is the directions that take her to this place. Which makes me realize that her assailants pocket that has the wear yet as the directions that we're taking her to this place which makes me realize that the assailant probably spent a lot of time on the phone with the guy who hired him he like I lost the card tell me what I was supposed to take her

again I can't put an address into map quest I don't have no use as a map quest but so the hero Dylan shows up and he sees her bag on the ground and he calls her and leaves a long message on her voice and I was like, where are you? I'm worried. I see your bag. It's lying on the walk to the house. I looked in the house.

You're not in the house. Where are you? Why is your bag on the walkway from the front of the house to the rear of the house? And then he sees, and it's only after he leaves this long message that he looks three millimeters over and sees the card that says, take her to, dada-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Well, he runs up and hits the guy in the head with a bottle right? That's right. He hits him with a bottle. And then he goes, but then he teleports to the other side. Some street justice.

He teleports her out of like a fucking trailer. It is a cherry. It would not have been hard to get her out of that trailer without using his magic walk through Walls Powers. It's locked. He does not get in there. Yeah. Yeah, he has the black rock. If you have the black rock, you use it.

That's right. He's got that black rock. The chosen one. Later on, it's a flash drive or something. Anyway, so he skipping ahead a little bit. He goes out to the desert. He talks to some ghosts and a magic book and they tell him nothing. So he decided to reveal these secrets. Cut to be faithful findings, if you will. To go into phrase. He cut to his standing in front of the worst green screen of the Supreme Court. You have ever seen, ever in front with a microfluke stand. You guys, you guys both work for the Daily Show and use a lot of green screen and shit.

I don't work for the Daily Show. But you have worked for the Daily Show. Super true. And the, and the Daily Show backdrops are so much more believable than this bullshit fake ones because we put just the most minimum effort into it and so he's he's a comedy show Yeah, he announces it. Well, this is this movie is pretty funny. It's pretty big on you Like this. This is the funniest comedy I've seen in a long time. I think Dan you said the funniest comedy movie in years, but uh he and he said, the funny is comedy movie in years. But he is announcing his findings in the most vague way possible.

All those secrets, governments have committed secrets. There's been hypocrisy and crime and corruption. All these companies, we've got to hold them to justice, the justice system has failed. We've cut to a lot of shots of cameras set up to watch him with crowd noise laid over it. Yeah, but no visible people. So it seems like the microphones are making all these noises.

Yeah, they're cheering and clapping. And on point he goes, I have all the documents and you hear applause. And he says, I have the documents here. He holds up that black stone. And I'm gonna release them. So he seems like a crazy person. But you cut to...

You know, you cut to reaction shots of, I guess, like, a bunch of people... Well, we don't even know that. There's just a bunch of people in suits who are nodding and they've looked on their face like, yeah, this guy knows what he's talking about. But unless I'm wrong, it's the same backdrop. Yes, it's the same...

So who are the backgrounds? The reverse shot is the same as the front shot. He is clearly standing in some place where two alternate dimension Supreme Court buildings stare at each other across some of the whole world of some kind. You know, someone's open up a viewing screen between alternate scotuses and they, now this cuts to, okay, this is my new favorite part of the movie. I have so many favorite parts of this movie where each of the people

that we've seen nodding reveals that they work at, they're either senators or they're the head of a corporation or they work at the bank or this one. That's literally what they say. I work at the bank. I'm resigning as president of the bank. And then one guy literally says,

I and other insurance companies have been cheating people. So you're an insurance company, I guess. Each of them admits they're wrongdoing and then kills themselves. Two of them, two separate of them, just pull out a gun and shoot themselves on the Supreme Court steps. And you think that some...

We're like, okay, let's, let's broom and sweep them off there. Okay, next person, come on up. I've been rushing and stuff them. And you know, the second guy was like, I was gonna shoot myself. Now it looked like I have a copycat. You cut to the rest of them, they wanted me, guy hangs himself, one slashes his wrists in a hilarious scene.

One guy can't hit one guy. The guy who slashes his wrists is the only one they actually show getting zipped up in a body bag. And well that's because he was fighting a guy from Copacai. And he literally put him in a body bag. Oh, that's, wait, is that gonna get him disqualified? I think so, okay. Literally put him in a body bag. Oh, that's, wait, is that gonna get him disqualified? I think so, yeah. One guy takes pills in his car and then smiles

as if dreaming the sleep of, sleeping having the dream of fairy's name, so he, his head slowly falls to the stream, we all. It is like, if it, it's like in the Godfather, the baptism slash massacre scene, if that was so super crappy. Like that's the way this is done. It's so funny.

Anyway, that having been accomplished. That was hilarious. We were fucking cracking up. We were laughing so hard. That being accomplished, he and Leah returned to the woods and remember their childhood selves. And that's it. Everyone's saved.

Evil has been wiped out of the world a bunch of innocent people died Imagine like walk to Valhalla or something. Yeah, they cross the rainbow bridge Yeah, Boramir was no, Boramir is not as guardian this time. I mean Boramir shouldn't be in fucking Valhalla duty killed all those orcs But he admitted is wrongdoing. I just want to say this episode of the flop house has had the fewest tangents I think of Annie. Yeah, because the movie is so mean. Would you try to wrap our brains around it? Like, we should have watched this movie at Christmas. Or any other gift-giving holidays because like, I cannot advise you enough to turn off this

podcast right now and go watch this movie. Yeah, I think we need to go straight to final judgments. Good, good, good movie. It's a good, good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, a kind of like, I say that this is, yeah, move over the room and verdict. And like, I, like, this is a good, bad movie. I was, while I was watching it, I'm just like, I was all I was thinking about was like, the people I want to introduce this movie to.

Yeah, I can't wait to show this movie to my parents. Like, my parents who will have no understanding of what they're watching. It is the the goodest bad movie I think, maybe I've ever seen. Like, it's, there were, I can't even, like, I feel like we've gone through the whole movie and we barely scratched the surface of how,

it's like, I've never thought I'd say to someone in describing a movie. It's like the room if Tommy was oh was bad at making movies. Like that's what it feels like to me. Like it lacks the polish of Burdemy. Watching this movie was like that moment when baby housemen gets picked up by Johnny Castle at the end of dirty dancing.

And she's flying for but a moment and she thinks maybe in her head maybe I'll fly off into outer space. I think you're reading a lot into that movie. Well I was thinking about what makes the difference between a bad bad movie and a good bad movie. And the thing about a truly great good bad movie is if a movie is really bad you have no idea what's going to happen next. Yeah that's true. Like a mediocre movie you always know what's going to happen next. Yeah, that's true. Like a mediocre movie, you always know what's going to happen next. Here, like, you're just like, this is done by a mad man. Only in a true legal way.

A true or a truly bad movie. Are you constantly surprised? There's such a thing on the two sides of the same coin, really. There's... If you had told me halfway through that the movie was going to end with him on the steps of this Supreme Court building and monitoring the government and big business. And then I montage of them killing themselves. Many of them with smiles on their face as they greet the grim reaper.

I wouldn't believe you. It's like the only way to explain it is if he literally was trying, he's like one of those guys who makes new languages in his spare time and he's like, I'm gonna invent a new way of making films. And maybe I'm gonna have to grope in the dark for a time as I reinvent the primitive history of filmmaking to create a news type of storytelling grammar.

But I think, you know what? I'll do it how long as it takes and this was his first try. Like, oh boy. Man, like, it really, I feel like've said this about other movies, but it feels like a guy who had a movie described to him and was like, yeah, okay, I'm going to make that and then just try to do it. Oh, Neil Brain, like you're my hero now. Hi, I'm Allegra Ringo, a dog owner, and I am Renee Colbert, a dog water. And together we're the hosts of Can I Pet Your Dog, a podcast for unapologetic dog lovers.

So let's talk about this. What do you get yourself into? What is this podcast about? Well, we have dog news, dog experts, and interviews with special guests about their dogs. We also talk about dogs that we met this week. Join us every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org for new episodes of Can I Pat Your Dog? I want to say that tonight the flop house is brought to you by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform.

Squarespace's sites look professionally designed, regardless of your skill level, with no The first space, the all-in-one website platform. Squarespace's sites look professionally designed, regardless of your skill level, with no coding required. Now Dan, can I ask you a question about, okay, now as we've established previous episodes and trying to get some websites off the ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I haven't had the chance to use Squarespace yet, and I'm having trouble with other companies trying to get my Christopher Lee fan site penguinfarts.com. I think again, I think that's a weird name for that. I'm saying I'm having trouble with that project I'm setting on the side. Instead, I've got a new website, it's called Moncupiness.com. It's an exploration of the work of Guida Mopasant.

Oh wow. Sure, the necklace, I think you're right. Sure, yeah. Anyway, what I really like about him most is that his name is Guy, where it's pronounced Guida, like a karate Guida. Yep, that's the art of a karate guy, Laura. That's used in Indian food.

Sure, I don't know. Anyway, so it's square space to place. I want to, I need a simple all-in-one solution. I want my website to look the same on fond ones and laptops and iPads without me having to recode it. And you're just telling me the other day you really want responsive design.

Incredibly responsive design. I want it to be as responsive as a lover. It knows every inch of your body almost better than you know. Well, you're in luck because that is Squarespace. And you can start your free trial today with no credit card required at squarespace.com. That's another thing I wanted to ask you.

My credit card would take it away from me. Okay, well, I mean, eventually you're gonna be in trouble. I mean, at some point you're gonna need to have to pay for this. But I know, but I wanna start it up without a credit card. Can I do that? You can, because as I said, what happened was I went to a snooty restaurant. And when I went to pay,

I must have overdrawn on my account because they literally cut up the card in front of me with scissors. What was crazy was that they were charding so much and there were like three sprouts on that plate. Yep. And it was the evening of force Friday where Elliott spent all his fun bucks on Star Wars dudes. And to buy every one of the Lego Star Wars sets or some shit.

Take it easy. Well, that's some people. Because take it easy. Well, let some people have in their lives. Anyway, so calm down. Sorry, I read an article about Force Friday. They got me really mad. So, Dan, Squarespace can help me with that. I can get an easy and see if it's the right thing for me.

It sounds like it's really great. Is there some kind of code that I could use for discounts? Indeed. You can use the offer code flop that's F-L-O-P to get 10% off your first purchase. Now, I want to start a website that's a tribute to Neil Brayne, writer, director, producer of Faith of the Planning.

That's called almosttopeless.com. You think Squarespace is a place I could do that? You can do that easily with Squarespace. Responsive design. Yep. And I don't need to know coding. No, you don't need a credit card. Well, how's their tech support?

It's excellent. And you can use the offer code flop to get 10% off your first purchase. But I don't need a credit card, right? No. Squarespace. And I've paid by money order? You can.

I don't know if that's true. This seems like a problem. I'm just trying to get you to shut up. I'm trying to get you to shut up. So squarespace.com offer code flop. Yeah, build it beautiful. But moving on. No, no, you should say like it's build it beautiful.

Build it, build it, build it. Like you're a detective. So we should move on to letters from you guys. I just want to say this has been great so far. Oh, thanks. I think Dan, that's what I would have said to Elizabeth Warren Robling, the woman who was really responsible for making sure the Brooklyn Bridge happened. She'd be like, my husband, he's stuck in bed now and he won't leave bed for years after his nervous collapse

and the bends probably. And I have to oversee this major construction project. What should I do? And I'd say build it beautiful. So Dan, what wow, wow, wow. Okay. So Dan, what do we do now? We read letters from listeners. And a little segment we call the Flough House movie mail bag. I mean, we haven't called that. We really call it that? I think you can call whatever you want.

Call whatever you want. Just don't call the label for dinner. Why would you call it later for dinner? It doesn't tell people the audience what it is. This is some kind of cooking segment for people with busy schedules, I don't understand. Why are you so touchy about being late for dinner? Look, the letters are very hungry.

They're so hungry, guys. Wow. Hungry for a song? Hungry for souls. You mean songs, right? Yeah. Open that mail bag. Open it wide and dive inside. There's letters inside.

Hey, don't hide from the letters inside. There's letters inside the mail bag. Who are these letters for? Let's take a look. It's my neighbor's mail. Open it up. I'm a nosy guy. Huh. They're in a rears. They're losing. I'm a nosy guy. Huh, they're in a

rears. They're losing their house. This is sad news. And I wish I didn't know it. Glue that letter backshot. Slide it under their door. When the house goes up for auction, buy it up and then sell it for more. Flip in houses. That's where the money is. Flip in houses in today's market. Buy a house cheap. Fix it on up. Sell it for more.

The business runs itself. If you know how to fix a house. The letters. Brought to you by Property Brothers, HDTV. That was one of the songs that sounded mostly a TV theme I was gonna say that but even before I was gonna say they all seem to have the same tempo So this letter goes I'm a big fan of your show my favorite flopper is Elliot. Thank you I'm hesitant to say this because I'm afraid we'll lead to this letter not being read

because of Dan Gellasey. If I say that I'm a wife and that I have a butt, will that win me over in the eyes of Purposeway number one? I hope so. Anywho, I'm not sure about Dan Stewart, but I've heard Elliot say he's not a fan of I've heard Elliot say he's not a fan of Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Judd Appetale They're okay. I mean I'm not they don't float my personal boat. I feel that between those three people It floats on the waters of Lake Champlain. You get a majority of the comedies that are released in theaters today What are some of your favorite comedies that have come out in recent years and what current comedians are fans of thanks? Malorie last name withheld. Yes

Thank you for continuously mentioning the film, Baby Secret of the Lost Legend. I completely forgot about that film and was glad to be reminded of the movie for my youth about a baby dinosaur. A lost legend. Uh, so found. Modern, your local videos, don't you?

Modern comedies, other than faithful findings that we enjoyed. Are there any? I mean, I like the trip movies. Yeah, I think that we've mentioned before that we all enjoy the Edgar Wright. Yeah, the Coronado Childie stuff. Sure. Mm-hmm. Those are good ones. I guess recently, like, I am into reference shut app at how I liked TrainRick quite a bit. I still haven't seen that yet. And I like spy a lot too.

I've heard you've said that. I felt that I felt that was like the people involved probably best, best friends. I liked train wreck quite a bit. I still haven't seen that yet. And I like spy a lot too. I've heard you've done that. I felt that was like the people involved probably best work. I, yeah, when I watched that movie, I sort of thought like at the beginning, I'm like, okay, well, this is not as good as it was advertised. Like it felt very rote and then as it went on.

Yes, they wrote it. I, how many times have I done that joke now like 10? At least once before. But as it went on, I appreciated it. How many times have I done that joke now, like, Dan? At least once before. But as it went on, I appreciated it. But Jason, stay the mix of face off joke. No, he's, he's terrific. I like Rose, Rose Bernie. Rose Bernie. Rose. I have to admit that I have to admit that I don't see a lot of modern comedies these days, partly because I've had so many experiences of not enjoying them and that keeps me from going to new ones

and I should break that habit. I should be willing to risk my time on a modern comedy. You just stick with old-timey comedies like Revenge of the Nerds. Yeah, old-timey. Yeah, old-timey. Sorry, the nerds and featuring Revenge. Also starring, Cameo Beans by Ove. Like, I'm trying to think of there's like a recent comedy that I thought was really,

really funny and there's, I mean, what we do in the shadows was fucking great. But I haven't seen that yet. But you should, it's great. I want to see it. My T-Vo's full of check new wave films. was fucking great. But I haven't seen that yet. But you should. It's great. I want to see it. My Tivo is full of check new wave films. I got to watch those first. That's not comedy. There's some of them are very funny, just like TBS. Do you like me? Check new wave. So this letter goes like this. It says listen listen here, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do running late. I want to know how these sentences connect. My groom's been and I had to stop somewhere to get breakfast, but it was pouring rain. We ended up at Burger King.

It was 10.30 am and they were like, no, we don't have breakfast anymore. And you go out to wait a million years before we were ready for lunch. So I dashed across the busy street to Popeyes. Popeyes. I asked if they were serving breakfast still. They said, no, I said, okay, then I'll take the most breakfasty thing you have for lunch. So they made me a Cajun pool boy. I ate it quickly and then ran off to get married. During the entire ceremony, reception and night, my stomach was tumultuous. Cajun pool

boy was begging to be released. My questions for you, Kaelin. One, how dare you. And two, what is Popeye stance on Cajun poolbois for breakfast? Alex last thing withheld? Well Alex, one, I had Popeyes on my wedding day two and it was delightful and it sat in my stomach like a beautiful cat on a taffit appeal. Did you eat that in the movie theater when we were watching Piranha 3D? No, it was apt on the way back. Is after we went to Piranha 3D, I think you were in the car, Dan, with my brother. Yeah, David was like, I know where there's stopped on the way back. Is after we went to Prana 3D, I think you were in the car Dan with my brother. Yeah, David was like, I know where there's a Popeye's in here or somehow you like search for one.

Yep, like Monterey Jack, Sigenauchis. He closed his eyes and floated along the sand. And so after that, before I got changed for the wedding into my suit, we sat outside his hotel room and ate Popeye's for lunch. Just one of many reasons that that was the best day of my life. Number one, the wedding. Number two, it was great seeing Fronna 3D with my pals. Three Popeyes for lunch. Like greatest day of my life. Okay, let's get a few things straight. One, I just want

to say I do not endorse anything at Popeyes other than the chicken. I don't know any, I don't order anything other than the chicken. I don't know any I don't order anything other than the chicken. I don't care for their other stuff. What about their novel and style red beans and rice? Well, that I eat as a side dish every time. Yes. But that's to quiet your tumultuous stomach filled with chicken. Yeah. I don't know what the deal is with your tender tummy that you couldn't handle

that food, but also dude, where you get married that they were fast food restaurants and no bathrooms? Deal with it before the ceremony, guy, come on. Or at any point during the reception, step aside and use the toilet, it's your day. No one can tell you no. Yeah, maybe you didn't want to have to unlimber all of his wedding equipment that he was wearing.

Yeah, yeah, undo his whalebone. Bum-wetting equipment. Like a cod piece? Yeah, why not? You knowbone. Wedding equipment. Yeah, like a cod piece. Yeah, why not? You know, like it was one of those proton packs that you wear. Yeah, some kind of steampunk gives, so it's kind of deathlock armor. Yeah.

Yeah, so your experience was not a good one. I take it, try Popeyes again, get the fried chicken, and deal with it. And as a breakfast food, fried chicken is great. I mean, I've eaten cold Popeyes fried chicken for breakfast many times. You mean, you mean, you know, the waffles? Because you should just go up and order the Kalan special, which is a four piece mild, with rice and beans, with no rice, red beans and rice on the side, no drink, biscuit, and then also. Focusing as a man who is often picked up Popeyes for Ellie. It's on the way over to record this actually.

It was funny, a guy stopped me on the stream, so they're you, Elliot Kaelin, and I was like, yeah, and he says a fly pouse listener, and I go, oh, thanks, he goes, the other Popeyes was a giveaway. He's like a bag of Popeyes in my hand. Here's the thing, when I was young. And they're like, goody goody, look, he goes, the other Popeyes was a giveaway. Is that a bag of Popeyes in my hand? Here's the thing, when I was young. And they're like, goody, goody, look on your face

where you're so excited? Yeah, I knew that I was looking my chokes and rubbing my hands together. Like a cartoon wolf staring at red hot riding hood. When I was a young man before there was a lady in my life, I would frequently on weekends get a box of fried chicken on Friday night. That's my food for the weekend. So I'm having breakfast two days in a row and it was fantastic. Am I alive today to tell the tale somehow? Yeah. So continue that malcontent has been disposed of. Yeah. So this next slide is forever.

Goes help me be better at being dumped. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Dear flop house, I recently got dumped and I'm grateful to your podcast for helping me not act like an insane person. Whenever I want to call my ex boyfriend, I instead make myself listen to a flop house episode. Soon I am laughing and don't care about my ex boyfriend anymore

because he was not as fun as you are. Especially Dan, who is my favorite, and Elliot, who is my other favorite, sorry, Stewart. And it's okay. I'm the garbage one. Unfortunately. He's the ladies love cool Stewart. He says the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode was not up to standard in my opinion. I got distracted and end up calling my ex-boyfriend who now thinks I am crazy. This is too much pressure to put on us. These help me be better at being dumped by only having a plus plus plus episodes.

For example, the Transformers episode, or that's my boy episode. Thank you in advance Maggie last name was held. Maggie, you're too good for that guy. You kick him to the curb and forget about him because there's plenty of fish in the sea. I don't even know why you're listening to this episode. You should be watching fateful findings. You watch fateful findings. You'll be laughing so hard.

You'll be like boyfriend. Who doesn't exist? Boyfriend. What? I want to be with that Neil Brae. You all the ladies want to lightly peck. And you should only be dating boyfriends from the boyfriend academy. That's not like Shelley Long. A.K.A. don't tell her it's me university. Yep. But she is the teacher. I always kind of viewed her as like a sensei type. I mean, that's another word for teacher.

I got like a seasid type. So you literally means teacher. A teacher, huh? I always thought of her as more of a professor. More of an adjunct professor. No, I'm like a instructor sort of physician. Some sort of instruction provider. We were able to help you, I guess.

I assume we were. I don't know, this episode's super great, right? Do our best to try to be funny so that you laugh and don't think about it. But hey, I hope by the time you listen to this episode, you're already a wash on a sea of dudes. Mm-hmm. Hahaha. Gross. Uh, are you gross?

So last letter goes like this, dear radio zork, apply grease to door hinge, push open door, throw dynamite at grew, Matt last name with help. Mm. It's a lot of motions for one turn. I don't know if you can make that many. I think it kind of disqualifies it.

Yep. You become unstuck in time because you're moving too fast. You are dead. You are. Nice. Nice game. Nice to try. Nice to try.

But thanks for playing. You cheat a good game, boy. But now you zork. Thanks for playing the most popular radio adventure radio zork brought to you by Dan Brought to you play and Elliot. What was it actually brought to you by delicious penises? Ever got what old time evolved our product. Greasy penises. Is there any other kind? Yeah.

It's time for our general health corner, right? Every episode we have a new tip of our general health. Skegcocainis, is it greasy? Well, that's the thing. Stewart has reminded me that always keep your penis well greased. Yeah. If you don't have a penis, grease someone else. Oral curbs. They'll appreciate it. Oral curbs. That's squeaky isn't it? Aren't your hip hinges? No,

it's you penis asking for oil. Oral curbs. You want to get a smooth erection? We've got to grease that thing up. Okay, so I think it's super spiky. Yeah, it's got a crickets way up. Or gritty. Yeah. So the next step of this podcast, and I'm not talking about gross stuff. That was super gross. It's talking about fun stuff.

Movies we actually liked. Boying. Dan's gonna start. Oh, I am. All right. I was watching. It's not spas. We just, we just, we just was watching a... I hang in to Mr. coup d'état. I was watching a thing called television the other day.

And I was flipping... It's filming you, Laura. I was flipping past the channels, which is what the kids are doing. The story gets even better. And I came across the second, well the last third actually, of a little movie called Death Trap, which I watched several times growing up Because it was on HBO all the time But as you waited for what she and I to be on yeah, but I I like that movie quite a bit. It stars

Michael Cain Christopher Reeve and Diane Cannon in the three major roles. There's there's there's about five major major roles like five roles in the whole movie Yeah, and it's just a twisty like it was based on a play by Ira Levin Structured by Cindy Lumet. He does not open up the play particularly. He just Directs it well and particularly, he just directs it well. And when you've got people like Michael Cain and Christopher Reeve and Diane Cannon,

like they are able to play the thriller elements of the story, but they're also able to play the light comedy elements of it. Cause it is a silly movie at its heart. It's full of twists and turns that kind of take advantage of the thriller plotting while sort of also making fun of it at the same time. And it's a very enjoyable movie. It's about a failed writer of thriller plays who engages in a plot to try and get rid of his wife. And then many twists and turns come afterwards. And so if you're looking for just a fun time, I recommend Death Drap.

More than fateful findings? I mean, maybe equally in different ways. Others? That sounds great. You know, guys, the other day I popped on a movie on the old digital video player. Am I the only one who's not gonna explain the circumstances in which he watched his movie? The media, I fired it up and boy,

did I have the time of my life. Now I cracked a couple of beers. I'm a prince too. I never felt that way before. Nobody put this movie in a car. You know, I looked through every open door. And I watched Spike Lee's Inside Man. No, I was waiting.

Which is a great little thriller. It's got an amazing show stopping performance from My Man, Clive. Oh, Clive the Chive. Clive, O, and hello, is it me? It's me. Clive O. And today, come on. It shows a path for Spike Lee's career that he decided not to take. It is, I mean, it's super impressive that the guy turns out what is basically a Hollywood thriller, and it's just super great competent and fun to watch. I mean, it's not good. Denzel Washington is draped in the best,

draped in the best Steve Harvey suits. I want to say it's not as good as obviously as the taking of poem 123, but it's got the remake. Certain. It's got some of the same flavor in that. It's really like a New York color. Oh no, I would say Inside Man is the closest to a remake

in terms of spirit of the Take Nape 1, 2, 3 because it is a crime movie that has a really good thriller plot and it's really suspenseful but it does give you a picture of what life in New York in a certain time is like. Like it, it captures little things about kind of post September 11th, New York in a way that no other movies I feel like really have, except what, like, the 25th hour,

which is all about post September 11th. Yeah, also Spike Lee. And it's also Spike Lee. And it's got a great cast. I don't know if I mentioned it has Clive Owen in it. Tenzel, Jody Foster, Christopher Momann Pullummer. Ha! Ha!

She's just a raw dog in it. She's saying to the pee. She was telling a G4s also. He is totally in it. People say, I see pee means in St. Clampossi. For me, there's only I, Christopher Plumber. You're so... So, Jim Plusters in it, doing a really weird performance that's better than her

weird performance in Olesian. Yep. So, to, to, Foster is playing a non-crazy version of Julian Anderson's character in Hannibal. Yeah. Where there's just something off about her. So to summarize, I'm gonna recommend Dirty Dancing. Okay, thanks. I'm gonna recommend a different movie.

This is a movie that we started time out at the beginning of Faithful Findings because there's a long shot of the storage locker area. And that's Primer. Primer. I feel like Faithful Findings is an example of how one man can write direct star and produce a movie on a very low budget and it is terrible. But it's possible for one man to... It's terrible for anyone to try and imitate such a great movie.

Yeah, yeah, it's unimmumatable. It's inimitable. There's a, it is possible for one man to write direct, start and produce a very low-budget movie and have a come out really good. Like, bad taste. Yeah, sure. I mean, that's an example too.

It's not the one I'm gonna talk about. Everyone's having a primer. Which came up because a lot of it takes place in the store in like a rental storage space. But it's a, for people who are not aware of it and probably most of our listeners are at this point. It's a time travel movie that was made for a very minimal budget.

It's like $7,000 or something like that. Like it's El Marriacci level budget. But it's, and the one main way you can tell that is that the sound recording in some scenes is not ideal, but it's a really good time travel paradox science fiction movie that does not rely on special effects and just relies on it's arguably the best time travel movie. Yeah, I think you could make a really good case that it's the best time travel movie there is, and I was not a fan that much of Shane Kuruth,

the writer director stars, other movie upstream color. I found that a little too abstract for me, but I did but primer I feel like is just in that right place of being mysterious, but also a movie with a plot that you can maybe have to puzzle out some of it later, but you can follow it whereas upstream color It felt like he wrote a movie and then he decided to like remove random pages of dialogue and that I didn't love so much I like upstream color. There are things I like about it. It's one of the, it's upstream color. What I like about it are the parts that have to do with their relationship only. And I don't like any of the stuff that has to do with the like conspiracy to get that chemical that makes people experience the same thing.

Yeah. Whatever it is, you know, but primer I recommend. Love budget dreams, live them, make the movie. I think upstream color is definitely a movie that you kind of want to let wash over you and not think about it too hard, whereas primer. We'll check your brain at the door through a ride. No, no, no. Real valve, high low rising.

Like, it's so moody and you get a sense of what it's about without trying to need to puzzle it out. Whereas I think primer like actually rewards a little more engagement with what's going on. I can see that. Even though you don't necessarily need to understand everything that happens. I enjoy it. You don't have to say go on the internet and find those like crazy crazy diagrams. Which I'd like to really see a crazy diagram about the movie Watch Night, Faithful Findings. Oh, man, you could make a Venn diagram of the plots of this movie and none of the circles would touch.

The plots were so disconnected from each other. But thank you again for listening. We don't appreciate you enough. The listener. We're either letters. enough, the listener. We either letters. Yeah, it's the least we can do. Look, I know you're in a vulnerable place right now. He's like a raw wound soaking in delicious salt.

Mmm, it tastes great. Yeah, thank you. Real great. Well, thanks, the listeners, and thanks to you, the listeners and thanks to you Stewart and thanks to you Dan. Hey, Elliot, thanks. Hey, I had the time of my life and I owe it all to you. Stu. Bam, bam, bam.

That song is forever linked in my mind with Chuck E. Cheese because I guess I went to Chuck E. Cheese a lot as a kid when that song was big. Yeah, you love fucking pizza bro, you're crazy for it. Look, if I can have pizza served to me by a guy in a mouse costume, well, the same mouse character is a robot on stage in front of me. That's insane. Which leads me to ask the question,

are these brothers or clones or is this a part of the game? Are they moving so quickly that they can appear to be in teams plays them once? Chuck E. Cheese is a real-mind fuck. Anyway, damn, take it away. Before the flop house, I've been damn McCoy. And one of them is moving super jerky like he's a robot. The other one clearly seems to be a college kid to see.

That guy's Stuart Wellington. And who am I? Hey, he's Elliot Kaylin, the lovable scamp. And they're like his favorite restaurant. Trace Amigos. Before the flop house, it's us.aelin, the lovable scamp. And they're like his favorite rascals. Trace Amigos for the flop house. It's us. I'm Dan McColley.

I've been Ellie. It's Kaelin Wellington. And that's a weird guy. All right, good night, everyone. It's okay, how are our levels? Find a me. I'm on the wood level thing, a me too. Whoa, that's dope. With leaf man?

Yeah, leaf man. I suggest you use the whatever fire thing on a wood thing. Yeah, thanks dude, anyway. Thanks Nintendo Power. That insider's tip. Yeah. If I could beat the fire level, I would have done that first. The level is the one you beat before that, because it's easier.

Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture. Artists don't. Listen or support it. Hi, this is Dave Hill from Dave Hill's podcasting incident on the Maximum Fun Network. I'm here with my lovely and talented secretary, Miss Shayna Feinberg. Shayna, I understand you've been doing a bit of research to find out what listeners think of the show. Yes, I have, Dave.

And what have you found? Well, people that love it say they love it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment. Awesome. What do people that hate it say? They hate it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment. Awesome. What do people that hate it say? They hate it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment. Oh. Listen to Dave Hills podcast dancing on the maximum fun.

What mother's f***ing? Was that too much? No, I think it was perfect.Just a baby, a coco-so-batteYou're a little ladyA dori kazo coco-co-co Just a baby, do you got a little love in your heart?