The Flop House - Ep. #194 - Outcast

Episode Date: December 26, 2015

For this year's Cagemas we honor both the kindly St. Nicholas Cage, and Star Wars by picking the Cage-Hayden Christiansen joint, Outcast. Meanwhile, Stuart does an ad for Clearasil, Elliott contributes his worst Popeye, and, yet again, Stu and Elliott interrupt Dan when he's trying to do something nice for other people. Merry Cagemas. Special Cagemas and Cagenuka themes courtesy of Jonathan Biegen. Movies recommended in this episode: The Big Short Magic Mike XXL Bone Tomahawk

Merry Cage Miss everyone! The night Santa Cage has bought outcasts! Oh, ho, ho! Is it a president under president? Is it a president under the cage tree or a lump of coal in our cage stocking or president? I don't know. Is it a president under the cage tree? Oh my god, someone's murdered this president!

We're all suspects. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flop House, I'm Dan McCoy. Whoa! Dan McCoy from the Flop House podcast? Yeah, yeah. Okay, well I'm Stuart Wellington from the Flop House podcast. Whoa! Stuart Wellington from the Flop House podcast? You heard it here first, Buster. Hey guys, if you're excited about that, get ready for Elliot Kaylin of the flop house. No way, man. That's fair, that's fair.

Wow, you spoke with the voice of America just then. That don't impress me much. So guys, we're in it. So guys, we do a podcast here, right? On this podcast. Oh, yeah, we do do a podcast. We do do. And Dan, what do we do do on this podcast? We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it

and it's called the Flawpass Podcast. Starring me, Stuart Wellington. Established. Asked an answered counselor moving on. It's, whoa, they live no shenanigans over here. Yeah, shut your pie hole. We're moving on. Is he like his parents were Asian and Irish no shenanigans?

Yeah. I think I just stole Bob and David bit. Oh, just worries that just worries. No, no, you can say something is notionant. It's all right. I stole the hot husband bit just a moment ago. And I steal everything because it's me, the cat. The world's great as Jule Thief.

Damn, hey, secure earrings. Too late, his ears are now bare as the day they were born. But this fine jeweled broach I'm wearing. Dan, why don't you check your chest and see if there's any hair left? Well, all right. Oh, that's right because I'm a creepy thief How do you even do this? It's a trick of the trade That trade the human hair trade. I'm also a seller of wigs in addition to being a thief boy Oh boy, it's hard to survive in the wig business.

It helps them a criminal. Mostly Merkins, I assume. It seems like you're interested in body hair. Only because I was such a love of the film of the Broadway star, Ethel Merkin. This is a podcast. Oh, of course, Indy Comedian, Eugene Merkin. We did this already. But Bob's Merkins. Very

different show. This is a bad movie podcast. A very special time of year. It's cage miss. Yay, the happiest time of the year. When we celebrate our Lord of Saviors, Nick Cage, yes, except when we also do cage miss in July. Okay, this happens two times a year. Nick Cage, yes. Except when we also do Cage, Miss and July. Okay, this happens two times a year. Sometimes in the past we've thrown in an extra cage, but we do. Because why not?

Let's make it clear what our feelings are on Cage. Do we like cage in our ironic sense? No. We are, no, we like them in the real sense. In a real, sincere sense. We are a rage in Cajuns. We have only way to put it. I was established. real, sincere sense. We are rage and cations. The only way to put it is established. We are full of knowledge spices.

Zatterans indeed. Zatterans all around. A winch, a winch. A zatterans from me and my fellows. I still don't know what that means. Just food. Okay. Anyway, yeah.

Let's see what's ground up gators. Spice, spice, spice, spice, and gators. It's going to be grindable. The little league baseball team, the ground up gators. Okay. Now, Nicholas Cage is someone I think we all have a genuine

appreciation for as a great actor. And we all sort of a genuine appreciation for him as somebody who cannot say no to a film because of his financial needs So he'll do pretty much anything and he blesses us with like five movies a year and it's kind of including sexual favors Just give him enough money. He'll do anything you want. Okay, that's why is manager now entering slander and live will territory right now. Here's manager. I get 10% of the job though. That's right. But he so and he is also he's not

picky in the movies he chooses. And he's also not picky in his acting choices in that he will do just by anything to make a role if not interesting than at least for you. Yeah, I mean, we've mentioned that there's been some movies where he play, he doesn't bring much energy and he tries to be like a slow simmering cage. Yeah, like that's not what we're looking for. And luckily, that's not what's delivered in helping,

heaping, helping spoonfuls for us tonight. Yeah, let's. Let's. So this movie we watched outcast. It doesn't in one Andre three thousand big boy do not appear. Yeah. Two, there's not a lot of Nicholas Cage in this. He's listed as a star, but he's really more of a, it's almost more of an extended double cameo. But what he brings to the table is the ripest, broadest English accent growl you've seen since like a high school

or even elementary school production of Treasure Island. Have you guys ever heard of the movie executive decision with Kurt Russell? I have an interesting story about that. You see, it seems that the studio traded that for some other movie that I don't remember, because the story's not interesting.

Oh, that's fascinating. But that movie boasts that. And I appreciate you not interrupting me. That movie boasts a certain Steven C goal in it Yes, he Relatively quickly and I feel like no spoilers, but Nicholas Cage kind of delivers the same sort of thing except he comes back What oh sometimes they come back Nicholas Cage is they That's a long title for a Stephen King movie

Can we cut off the Nicholas Cage part because Because I feel like that also fences us in about what kind of movie we can make. Maybe we don't want to make a movie that has to do with just Nicholas Cage. Look, I've got a vision, and if that vision isn't complied with, I will walk. Well, contractually, your vision doesn't matter. All right, well, I guess I'm gonna go.

Okay, yeah. Next time I'll just write a movie for Mick Garrison direct. What's his name? Yeah, now that's it. Mick Garrison. Yeah, Mr. Tommy knockers it Mr Storm of the century I thought you were saying his name is mr. Tom e knockers, which seems like a Like a like a soft core pseudonym. Yeah

He's a real master of horror. That's all I know according to the show masters of horror Now He's a real master of horror. That's all I know. According to the show Masters of Horror. Now, the C-Fontan. The Masters of Sex for the prequel. That's a prequel. Okay. Yeah. Because you got to get scared first. You got to work up. Is that how it works?

Like, taking a date to a horror show. Horror show? Yeah. Like a grand, wean-all stage show. I really have like carnival where someone gets killed on stage and maybe they really got killed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know Stage show Carnival where someone gets killed on stage and maybe they really got killed I'm describing the latest season of American horror story maybe yeah, I guess so yeah babe We're gonna go see a snuff movie and then then maybe you'll get all interested in me, huh?

All interested in me Maybe you'll get all interested maybe you'll get intrigued by what has beneath my pants It will peak your interest Maybe you'll get all interested. Maybe you'll get intrigued by what has been with my pants. It will peak your interest. Okay. I don't know who this character is. He has a pretty kind of a newspaper salesman. I'm like the 20s. Maybe he's an out of work astronaut.

I don't know. Anyway, so Nicholas Cage is not in a lot of this movie, but he provides fun when he is Uh, the movie begins smash cut smash cut the movie Reptiles us via titles that this is the Middle East in the 13th century They could not be bothered to give us a specific city or a year They've only narrowed it down to a region and a century. It's like how some movies kind of leave the viewer in this kind of state of Ambiguity to make them uncomfortable Yeah, it's just like that and a century. It's like how some movies kind of leave the viewer in this kind of state of ambiguity

to make them uncomfortable. Yeah, it's just like that. Yeah, yeah, this is like images or limbo, you know, irreversible one of those movies. Sure. Now, what it strikes me more as a lack of interest in research in that we're thrown into a crusade scene. Yep. Obviously.

Hayden Christensen, the other star of this movie, a star of the upcoming Star Wars, the Force wakes up. No, I don't. Look, he's in it as Nikki Skywalker. I don't think this is. No, I don't think that's canon. I'm accurate. Star Wars number seven, wake up, Force Time.

Sure. Hey, Force, she got school. Starting, starting Hayden, Christian, as Christian Hayden, the name he checks into hotels under, so that the paparazzi doesn't get him. Jokes on him, paparazzi's not looking for him. Anyway, he is a knight in some crusade. They could, and so.

He's got a cool haircut. They didn't even bother to do the research to tell us the year of a crusade It's a historic fact which years the crusade time in he's got a cool haircut and he's teamed up with Nick Cage Who is wearing a helmet with long chainmail and They're involved in some kind of like the sacking of a city. Yeah, well, they in the Middle Eastern Marks Yeah, yeah, it's like the movie up in the air because, uh,

blood is flying up in the air. They're saying the city a Nick Cage has clearly lost his taste for the slaughtering of Muslims. And he's like, ah, this is all, it's all crap. What we're doing, blah, blah, blah, and Hayden Christensen isn't quite ready to accept that until he's massacred some more Muslims and then seen them kill themselves to escape his unholy wrath.

Whereas he sees it, holy wrath. Yeah. And it's established that he is a super badass with a specifically the javelin. Oh man, keep that due to spear, everybody's toast. Because, wait, he's making toast for everybody with the spear. Yeah, he's putting them in the oven for a specific amount of time.

He's just putting his toast in the oven. He's a weird guy. Yeah, I can't afford a fucking toaster, Mr. Rockefeller. Look, this is the 13th century. Toaster ovens had not been invented yet, only oven ovens. I guess that's fair. But sliced bread had been invented. Oh, yeah, everyone

was still excited about it. Yeah, it was the biggest invention sense itself. They're like sliced bread. This is the best invention since hand novels. You don't even know what those are because we don't care anymore because sliced bread is so much better. Yeah, and nothing has superseded it since. Yeah, well, think about it. Hand Novel sounds like a really bad off brand like Acheetos. With it. Like, I don't know. Use your hand and they kind of look like Novels. And their their mascot is like a Bobcat with like a sunshade on. Bob Novels is what they call Bob Novels. It's like gesture Cheetah, but not as cool.

He's like, he's cleaner. Yeah, yeah, he's got a clean house and he keeps his taxes in order. Yeah, yeah. He's a sometimes member of the PGA tour. That's how you know he loves snacks. I'm happy. No, it doesn't require a lot of exercise. Now Cheetos, they crunch pretty loud,

but hand novels are pretty moist, they don't crutch. That's when you want a quiet snack, like during a golf game. Well, because you soak them in vinegar before you eat. For that smooth taste. Hand novels, won't you? Anyway, they are fighting through this town and it's a bloody mess. And that the editing is very unclear.

Also the battle's pretty bloody too. And by the end of it, Hayden Christensen, he's not a feeling so good. Because he sees the leader of the Muslim people they're fighting, the leader's wife kills her children and then herself, right in front of Hig and Christensen rather than allow themselves to fall into the hands of these barbarians. Yeah, the opening kind of devolves

into a sort of like, like a fiery violent, like, like it just kind of, like the, it kind of goes to black, basically, right? That like, it was like, we're lost in this hellscape, like at the end of sort of doom. Yeah, exactly. That's a good movie sort of new. Yeah. And then boom, we have we have the title. Title credits and then boom. Three years later, just like in breath. Three years later in the Far East. Now, what year is it? We don't know. Is it still in the 13th century? I'd

even say three years. He's had a number of years just bumming around being a drug addict. three years. He's had a number of years just bombing around being a drug addict. Three years later in the Far East, again, Kingdom or country name unnecessary. It's the Far East. And we are suddenly thrust into what appears to be a different movie. As an aging, let's just say Chinese emperor, uh, and that names his young, kind of like 14 year old second son, who is very peaceful and a little, let's just say it, weak. Yeah. He's kind of the fraydo of the brothers. He kind of seems dim. I don't like he does not seem smart. There's not a lot to recommend him. He reminds me. And he doesn't clean his face very often. Well, he was on the dusty road.

He was a gentleman of the road. He was a gentleman of the road. So yeah, Dusty Rhodes. He names his younger son as his heir, not his older warring son, because the people need a leader of peace, not a leader of war. And he knows that his older son is coming to demand the kingdom. So he gives the royal seal to his son and his daughter, who he charges with taking care of his very weak,

very can't take care of himself son. His son just kind of like wanders through the movie as other people save him all the time. Yep. And you've got dirt on his face. Why are you so... It really affected Stuart that in one scene he had dirt on his face. What's the music? He's got dirt on that face. Is this a podcast where you just really come out really strong? Is it a personal hygiene advocate? Just carry some moist wipes in your pocket, little bro.

Get yourself cleaned up. Like loose in your pocket. Like lose your eyes. No, you get one of those like little packets that self seals. Self seals, but like that healing technology. Yes. It's like that healing technology. Yes. It's like that healing technology. So, dirty face.

See, his face is not yet dirty. His face currently clean. And his big sister, who is run out through a secret hideaway, led by a monk who since he's bald, he knows he knows. No, he knows it's coming through. He's a kung fu maniac, and he's gonna take down like that.

And he says, he'll be like, oh boy, what's gonna happen? Hope this shall end dude starts beating people up with his wushu and then in runs the bad guy son, the older son who has just finished fighting a war or something, he wears black armor which everybody wears in this movie. And he demands that the kingdom be his and then stabs his father killing him ever so lightly. Yeah, just a tiny, just a little tip of his knife. That's all he needs to poke in him and it just like kind of like tips his dad over the edge into death. You makes a pretty good point though. He comes in and he's like, uh, number one on the oldest son and like this was my birthright. Number two. He's like, Premo Genitor bitch.

I've been out there. Is that a crew? No. He's ready for the worst nightmare. With a real understanding of pre-modern legal systems. What are you doing? Your younger son's better get ready for a career in the pre-stoy. You know, and have it nothing bitch.

But number two, like he's been out there all the front lines. I sounded more like a, more like a, Batman, Randy Savage at the end. Yeah. Bonesau will be, will be King. Bonesau's ready, bitch. What if Randy Savage had played Freddy Krueger very different character?

A little more pageantry, more, a slightly different hat, more of a cowboy. Sunglasses would be an amazing ton of sess city. I mean ready more sunglasses this is an sess city. Oh that brings me back the original song of the autumn. Dan you were saying something? No, I just like this other point is like oh I've also been going out and warring for you like I've been on the front lines command. You well call me warwick Davis yeah all the wars I've been fighting for you dad and so like it really does kind of feel like a like a kick him a nuts that he's like

uh I prefer Sun wiki make to born thanks for securing my kingdom Sun now you'll excuse me shuffle off stage left while I make little boy no man again the dirty face little turd. Why don't I make soft voice, soft hands the king. Look at that, look at those hands, never done today working his life. If he didn't clip his nails once, it wouldn't matter. Everything's done for him.

He was great in the castle production of Annie though. Annie and the dog. Was that Sandy? Sandy. Now, thanks for putting down that peasant uprising and repelling the Mongol invasion. But the kid who's never even wiped his own tush. He's going to be running the country now.

No, it looks like he's been wiping his face with that tush. His face is so much wrong with him. His face is the thing in his wiping, in his studio. He's certainly not wiping his face, Dan. Stuart has established that his face is dirty in one scene later in the film. He had the unforgivable sin of a dirty face.

Most honorable father, I understand that your favorite penance character is pig bed, but come on. Let me wipe my face. Son, You're more of a shroder. You show not gain the throne. Shroder the most warlike peanut character I guess Lucy what is the most? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you see your maybe peppermint patty. That's homophobic Anyway, Dan. Yeah, Snoopy's the most, he's the red baron, right? No, Snoopy is not the red baron. He is the after the red baron.

What's he gonna do? He flies for the French or British, I assume. I was assumed he was the French. He's always in France. Now did he? I mean, he's the longest way to tip a rary with that. Then he's British. Maybe he's Australian, he's brought to England.

Did he? He flies us off with Camel. Yeah his did his doghouse have guns on it or did he have to fire revolver I mean I don't know the ever fires anything he just gets bullet holes in his doghouse. Yeah, he's not a I mean he calls himself a flying ace, but there's not really any textual evidence to the it's a self-given title. Yeah now Do they do that whole flying ace thing as a response to like teens kind of falling out of touch with the peanuts, like the whole bugs and taz back with hands-thanking? That's right. There's nothing to teach. Love more. The tales of the first great war. The first great war. They, they, they, they, they, they, the kids at the time were

really into trench warfare. And Sparky Schultz wasts was like hey there was a lot going on in the sky's kids look up from the from your checktay there's a stop with camera flying around. it's yeah brush the flop of your hair out of your eyes and look to the skies. he's a great great comment because you love your grunge music. maybe you're forgetting that any Rick and Fovon, who was the American ace? No, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, you're saying that.

Like, Riran was more of an attempt to, like, jazz up the strip for the kid. Riran from Good Times? That's right. Oh, no, that's what's happening, wasn't it? No, I just, I, Pianos is such a great script, but like, thinking back on it, that is one of the more inexplicable things

that happens in it. Is this dog has fantasy that he's applying a Sun World War I. Here's one of my- Doghouse gets shot up a lot. I have two ideas about it. One, Charles Schultz was curious, interested in World War I, or two, he read Garfield. And he was like, this cat loves lasignies and hate Mondays. Oh, I should just give an animal a totally nonsensical, non-secwater out of nowhere characteristic.

Then a dog can be a world-world-one pilot. I think his Garfield didn't start until 1978 on my birthday in fact, then I doubt it was the latter. Didn't realize it was a RC Harvey over here. Anyway, so happy birthday, by the way. Thanks. Garfield. Oh, wow.

Let's get back to this. This is a moment of silence for Garfield. Oh wow. Let's get back to this moment of silence for Garfield. Yeah, sadly past. It would have been a hundred this week. Garfield, we'll see you at the crossroads. I mean Garfield. We're out some lasagna on the street. 37 years old. That's very old. The oldest can. The world is I didn't Monday's two. I don't know about that. What about like the pink Panther? I didn't Monday's to do. I don't know about that. What about like the pink Panther? So Vester, crazy cat.

I'm count the Cheshire cat. I'm talking about real life cats. I'm comparing like our real life cats and lifespan. Anyway, Dan's musical real life cats opens on Broadway soon. It's the first production of cats with their actually played by cats. Oh, wow. Yeah. Now going back to the memories of a thing that happened five seconds ago, and then not much before that.

I think we go more like this. My brain is too small. Mia Mia Mia Mia runs off stage. Mr. Mustafa Lisa's fallen asleep in the sunbeam. Go away. It's adorable. Great to show on Broadway, Ravens cat fancy magazine. Yep. That's their, their brief on on stage segment that we never ran again. I don't. It's in, it's taxi TV. It's cat fancy taxi TV. Cat Dele is cat fan CT.

I'm cat Dele for Cat Fancy. Alexander Wollcott, Raves. I'm dead. I didn't get to see this show. Don't ask me. So speaking of movies, the got outcast. Now, now the, so the Prince who Dan makes a very good point has a much better claim to the throne. Why don't they ever make a performance of cats with like cat Williams and cat dennings and William Cat in it?

There's still time. There's still time. Super easy. Cat Stevens. Cat spur the friendly ghost. Does that some kind of cowboy and feline cat spur? Cat spur the west for the ghost. Catch me if you can. A movie's going to start. People have never seen it before.

So the prince and the princess are on the run. Luckily, they wander into a bar where no one seems to mind that the prince and princess that everyone's looking after have walked in. And they're wearing the exact same outfits. They're wearing their princessly raiments. Same clothes, their faces aren't even dirty yet. There's nothing about them too.

Oh man. It's just guys, they wander in and the black guard, which is just the army that's loyal to the prince, shows up and tries to arrest them. But that's when someone steps in. That's someone, Hayden Christensen, in the form of a floppy hat wearing drug-doing, disillute former. Through an idiom fugue, he sees somebody's about to use his sword to kill somebody. He's an open master fighter, you know, the drunken master tradition.

Like he is able to through his haze, like, take down a shit ton of people. Yeah, it's similar to how like, Popeye does a shitload of spinach and gets all crazy. That's right, he snorts at it. And then he like murderers. What do you do? He's this This is

Yeah, it's crazy. He's got those forms like hammers and then he just he comes out and goes all of oil. What have I done? Not again. Go go go. It's the worst pop I've ever done. Uh, wake up with blood on my hands. I'm gonna get out of here. Police are gonna sign. Oh, bye. You can do what I tell anyone about this.

Now, he... Did Papa get that tattoo before, he got that tattoo before they were legal, right? What? What? Tattu, they were never legal. Yeah, they were totally illegal in New York for a long time. What?

I mean, tattoo parlors, I think were maybe not allowed. But if he wasn't like if you had a tattoo, the police would be like, around him for all of them in the whole school. I was a part of the old Irish police force. I thought you were gonna ask, did Papa get that tattoo before he was a sailor? Like you were in that situation.

Yeah, like, you know, someday, this is our new smollin swollen from the tattoos as well. Why do you have those anchors on your arms? These are fish hooks. I'm a fisherman. They represent that I worship day gone, the God of the sea. I'm not a sailor.

Anyway, so he has exchanged his sword for food and then the owner of the tavern, hands the sword over to the leader of the black guard, really Hayden Christensen no longer has claim on that sword. It has changed owners, but instead, he uses it to kill a bunch of guys, and then also throws a spear through a guy's head into a pillar.

Which is great. He leaves, not paying for his food. At that point, somewhere in this scene, we figure out that there's also a mysterious figure known as the White Ghost. Yes. White Ghost. The White Ghost, who is not Hayden Christensen? No.

Okay. But we know he's a white guy. There's maybe a ghost. His name, Cat's Burr. Now Hayden Christensen, the Prince and Princess beg him to help them. And he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you know, he's a loser and he leaves, but he's still

fights amazingly. And he's really good with using objects that are right next to him to fight people with. It's almost like they shouldn't fight him inside the eating establishment. Like they should just wait for him to come outside and fight him so he can't like hit them with bottles and Benches, it's like they've like they trapped him in a battling warehouse. Mm-hmm It's like how every single martial arts movie as soon as the characters go into a fish market. You're like oh fuck Those poor fishmongers are going to lose a day's business at least Although hopefully get a fish in the face. Hopefully some of the assembled crowd who are watching the fight are going to get hungry,

watching the battle and buy a bunch of fish. Just take a bite of a raw fish. Yeah, maybe afterwards, they'll be like, I'd like to purchase that fish that that man was clubbed with. Settle it on eBay. That's right. So now we should. There's a thriving fish market on it.

We should mention that Monk, the monk that earlier that we said knows Kung Fu, we were not being racist. He totally confused a bunch of guys, including a big fat guy with a beard and a mace that Stewart fell in love with. And unfortunately Stewart was in the bathroom during the only fight scene where he really got to use the mace.

That was later in the film. So that monk is gone. To peak behind the curtain. The prince of the princess. He was in the bathroom where I was got to use the maze. Yeah. That was later in the film. So that monk is gone. It's a peak behind the curtain. The prince of the princess. It's in the bathroom where I was sitting, missing the movie. Because Dan's bathroom doesn't have a door. It's just a curtain. I know.

Very awkward. It's just a leather flap. It's a clear plastic shower curtain. So you can still see the door. I could have seen the movie, but I add my hands over my eyes because I get scared in the bathroom. Because none of my friends are with me. It's such a specific bathroom fear need.

So they go, they eventually convince Hey, Christensen that he should join them, but I don't remember how they do it. They just kind of shame them into doing it. Do they offer him a reward? Like... Yeah, I know. I think it's more than they see that... They hang the Christian seas that they're in trouble. So they ride off in one direction. He rides off in a different direction, splashes water in his face, and then he imagines the violence, and then he goes back. Yeah.

And he goes back to them, and then they have a weird weird exchange and then they find a village that's burning That's a village that's being burned and a one little girl is left alive and is being kidnapped by one member of the black guard and Euclis make no good at things and you think at that point They're like oh no that member the black guard's probably gonna kidnapped that girl and I don't know She probably doesn't have family anymore. He might just raise her to be his own and she'll become a member of the black guard. I think that's how it's gonna happen. I don't think that's how it's gonna happen. And so, and so they, they go to this village and everyone's dead. The black artist taking that girl, the kid who couldn't shoot straight, tries to shoot a bow and arrow at the escaping mar the prince at the escaping marauder and fails. And Hayden Christensen takes that arrow and makes an insane shot.

Thanks. Araleed out of it. Yeah, people's a real legolas. Yeah. Until he snipes this jump. That was the name of the, that's the annual competition that they have in Scotland for the best girl Lego builder, Lego less. Also one of the worst legions who hear us characters. It's like rough joke. Well, I had to pull us out of this token tailspin that you're bringing us into. The token tailspin.

The blue, the bear is team double gimli. Trying toli I guess That was rescue Rangers, but there was that Bob Not wait Do not Google gadget rescue Rangers image search because it gets fucking gross Just her having sex with that fly a lot of people sexualities get Just for her having sex with that fly. A lot of people's sexualities get submitted at a certain point in their lives. This is all I'm saying.

The Disney afternoon has a lot of questions to answer for. Weirdly enough, gummy bears, not popular among the fetish artists or anyone else. Yeah, I mean, I think that the gummy bears were all sort of shapes like actual gummy bears was the thing. I'm kind of into that though. Yes, dude, it's gummy bear fed. Very soft, it's right. Clear?

Yeah. I like somebody that is pretty transparent in their actions. And gummy, I like someone really best-ticking. Really, like if I like someone really best. Like if I like, you know, like, you're just writing my Tinder profile right now. I got stuck in my hair, maybe. I don't know. So it's bad for chewing gum or peanut butter to get that out. Now they they so he makes this amazing shot and saves the girl.

That girl might as what joins them. It joins their very crew. To be. Uh, to pergore. And now you know the rest of us. So you can thank Hayden Christensen for saving the woman who would put parental advisory labels on CDs. So she joins the, their, their noble gang and she might as well not. Like she is not a character

in the film. She is just a background nobody who does not figure into any of the scenes. What are you begging? No, no, no. It's a fictional character. It's not her fault. This is the fault of the screenwriter or director that they didn't cut this character completely. There's no reason for them to be in there. There's no internet like you would expect Ellie's a friendship to be formed with the parents. Maybe a romance either that or just like an opportunity for him to see the life of some of somebody less fortunate and they talk about that for like a two seconds. Yeah. But then she just she might as would disappear. She might as well disappear. And then she's in the background. It is the film acting equivalent of like a mafia

no-show construction job where she might as well just be sitting on a lawn chair in the background through all the scenes. But they keep moving, they go from point to point, they narrowly escape being drugged by a bevy of busty ladies. Yeah, that's when things got exciting. Very briefly, there was a very cleavagey lady and then she disappeared from the film. Because why couldn't she become a character

that tags log as opposed to this nobody girl who does nothing? That was in the multi-ethnic brothel where they tried to trap everybody. Yeah, they tried to drug Hayden Kriss. They tie Hayden Kriss and his wrist, and he escapes by setting his bonds on fire. Which is one step solution there.

He doesn't, he hasn't thought to the second step, which is... But luckily, the movie doesn't either, because immediately he's like, he's free, he's got a sword. It just cuts to. Everyone's going to get killed. Outside his room and he escapes. These were the scenes when the prince's face was dirty. Yeah. They wandered through a desert.

I remember those scenes. And Kristen sent Ties a scarf around his face. And the prince and princess who again are being searched for everywhere in the country by this elite squad of black guard soldiers do not cover their faces. They do nothing to hide their identity. They're still wearing the same clothes they were wearing when they escaped from the from the evil prince. Like it is they it's like they don't even clean their faces off. They don't even clean their faces off their heads. So they're unwracking eyes.

I'm taking money from Dub's. So how about what's going on? Yeah, yeah, Moist, Oh, Dub's Moistowlets. And Stuart just looks in the microphone and goes, by the way, this is episode of Laplace Road to Buy, clear a seal, clear a skin, clear a seal. Do you know a lot of dust and dirt clogs your pores? That's where it's come from, clear a seal. You know, I actually really killed my love life for a while until I cleared my face up

with a little bit of clear a seal. Clear a seal explains it all. Now continuing on. I was going to be the heir to a popular, I guess, questionably aged throne. It sounds like very cheap one, question of the age. I was the heir to this throne and, you know, Francis Ford's Copolo's question of the age. I was the heir to this throne and you know Francis forged Copolo's question of the age. Well, all this dirt on my face is really preventing me from reaching my throne. But you still know why I'm before it's time, or maybe we do?

Is it 12 years old? You don't know. We took the label off the barrel. So, do what you were saying? I don't remember. You're doing that prince go yourself. I think it's correct. Yeah, he was playing Rebecca Gayhart there for a second. You want to clear it up? He lost me.

Anyway, she was next to me. Never mind. I forgot which minor 90s starlet did which type of faceclips I'm playing. Yeah, explain it to me all, Clarissa. Let's go. Where? That's out of this podcast.

Okay. Fly away. Fly on by it to a magical end. Far away from outcast. That's a theme from the movie. That's right. There's that karaoke scene. Nominated for an Academy Award.

Now, let's move move on Williams. Let's move not that John Williams though. No, it's spelled like Martian man Hunter John. Yeah, J and N. Yeah. Yeah. On. On. The other thing he does it, the argument, it doesn't work where he says like, and then acts like it flew in the air and then lands like. J-on. Jones. Now, let's skip ahead to the best part of the movie, because why are we wasting our time with this stuff? They escape, there's a fight.

Hidden Christianson has another fight with a bunch of bad guys. They stick a story in his chest. He says, get the, get the to the Silver Mountain Bandits. Who's taste? It seems they're heading for the Silver Mountain where there are some anti-government bandits. get the to the silver mountain bandits post hate. It seems they're heading for the silver mountain where there are some anti government bandits they hope to fall in with.

And now my hope for a long time was that they would be led by Rufio from Hook. That did not happen. But we do get a fight, a very house of flying daggers fight seen in the woods where the black guardsmen are totally destroyed by these bandits and we eventually learn. Or it's a little over two, we're trying to do the Jedi.

It's a little like there that you walk. Yeah, yeah. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. And they're a force-based insurgent force. I mean, that's Robin Hood, too. Yeah, sure.

Robin Hood can be a bit too. He walks, yeah. Robin Hood, too. Robin again. Mm-hmm. Back in the hood. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He's there with the leprecha. Leprecha in the hood really sounds different when it's Robin Hood. So it's the leprecha in having sex with Robin Hood. What is happening in this movie? It's got leprecha in the hood. Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense. So he's just wearing the hood.

He started his entire self. Hey, in leprecha in space, he jumps into a guy's penis. He's just wearing a hood. He started his entire self. And he's in love. Hey, in leprechaun in space, he jumps into a guy's penis. What? You should see the movie. Literally, you're figuratively, at least. Literally. Are you sure you don't mean figuratively?

I'm very sure. I mean, literally. What would figuratively be? It's like Vince Vaughn in the movie Swingers. Where he jumped in my penis. Figured it's like Vince Vaughn in the movie swingers Jumping into my penis dude. I didn't ask for a catheter. I'm jumping into my penis I guess that's like cock blocking against yeah, I'm in my penis cock feeling. That's right. Yeah now anyway Moving on there's one moment so there forest fight. There's a forest fight where the Silver Mountain Bandit. So which one, which Stuart Knight decided, we're also kind of a country western southern

rock fusion band. Yeah, so the Silver Mountain Bandit's led by Dusty Bandit. Luckily, they, so they ambushed the Black Garden. Luckily, they confuse everybody, including the viewer by wearing all black. So you have no idea who's a goodie or who's a badie. Everyone looks the same because they're all wearing black with black masks. There is one great moment where a guy gets a rope tied around him and he's lifted up in a tree and then two arrows fly at him from different directions.

And it's like, how many people are dedicated to fighting this one guy? But the heroes are taken in, they're all beaten up and bruised and Hayden Krasnund had a sword puttin is chest Yeah, which did not kill him because he's stronger than the king and it is revealed to us Who is the king of the silver mountain bandits who is the white ghost themselves? I know I'm on the edge of my seat. What could be the only thing that might save a scene in the movie? Nicholas Cage is back. Is he missing an eye? Yes. Does he have snakes wrapped around each of his hands? Yes. Has his English accent gotten worse since the beginning of the movie?

Oh yes, by far. He's like, at this point, he is just like if Bluto was pretending to be a gentleman to woo all of oil. I mean, that like his, his accent has three flavors, which is normal Nicholas Cage, His action has three flavors, which is normal Nicholas Cage, British and sort of Scottish, but they're all like, I would throw in all to like a bear growl. Yeah, I would throw pirate in there too. No, it's all filtered through bear pirates. And his his costuming is not too far from what it feels like he just read a lot of Mike Vignola Hellboy comics and he's like, I want to look like Rasputin with these tentacles for hands. I'm going to be holding onto snakes in all these scenes, please.

And I'm going to have like my hair swept back in kind of a ponytail like Hellboy. Mm-hmm. And I'm going to have a big scar on my eye. I do not want an eye patch. I want to show the world that I can act like a guy who has one eye squint at the whole time. And they say, oh, I. I'm like Popeye. I'll road lead to Popeye.

Popeye town, that is. The central town. Now that the eye makeup also is very cheap and poorly done. And it looks a little bit like they had two options, either a store bought Halloween scar piece of makeup, or the makeup woman could just take her lipstick and draw a red slash over his eye. So they were like, you know, what the Halloween makeup doesn't look great. So we'll just do that.

But he manages to bring a level of cartoony-nish to his performance that at least makes it fun when he's on. There's a part where he is, he was the one that turns out who taught Hayden Christians and had a fight as a boy. Now Hayden Christians, and he's trying to teach the prince, how to use a bow and arrow. And Nicholas Cage is just drinking out of it. Cyclops, Cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops,

cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops,

cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops, cyclops laughing bruiser, but he's a last, not long for this world. As the Black Guard catches up to the Silver Mountain Bandits and their hidden mountain caves, there's a big fight. Nicholas Cage goes out and fights a bunch of guys. So there's an army of about 50 people, let's say, 10 of the guys fight Nicholas Cage and he kills most of them. While the other 40 just stand and watch and it's a very weird moment where you're like, why are not all these soldiers trying to help

because do they not notice that he's killing a bunch of their men? Yeah, I think the other soldiers would be like, I'm gonna have some explain in to do to that guys, what? I mean, so you, wait, you just stood there and watched. It was kind of the rules of the battle that we just take our turn for them. You looked really tough.

This movie loves single combat until a scene needs to end, in which case that's when all the soldiers rush a person. Yeah. But like 10 guys will just come one after another up to a master fighter, the master fighter takes them down and then the rest of the grunts are like, well, movies got to get moving. So let's all just rush them and hit them with our swords. And like we should have done at the beginning.

Yeah, I mean, this is like a trope, obviously, that's like been made fun of for like kung fu movies for a long time. Like we're all going to fight them one at a time. But for some reason, it feels even more egregious when the people standing around like have swords and shields and armor. Like, I would say it's not as bad as like the blade movies where blade is fighting all these presumably immortal bad guys who are all also former stuntmen who one of the time run at him and he's like dead, dead, dust ash. And you're like, man, they're immortal. You think they would try to organize it or just run away and just outlive bleed, but I guess not.

The, I, Steven Dorf tells him go kill blade. And they're like, fuck it, okay. Yeah, of course Dorf does. Album Dorf just goes fishing. Bory plays golf. Yeah, yeah. Now, just the two. Just the two. Yeah, yeah. Now. Yeah, a lot of hobbies. Just the two.

Just the two. Good for him. He's enjoying his retirement. Now. A long life is a very short business man. I will say, I don't know. Yeah, I would imagine he was like a traveling salesman. Maybe where he doesn't account in a clerk or something like that.

Yeah, not a high profile job, but yeah, happy He wasn't president. I mean, he's got a good pension ice whatever it is. Yeah, he wasn't an ice dancer He never he never started a bond film Sure now the double a dwarf is right there Tim Conway call me up. We'll make this together Now, the double adorff is right there. Tim Conway called me up. We'll make this together. So I mean, you certainly can play if they made a movie adaptation of the video game, Goldnye, he could easily play the odd job character.

I only chose him by jerks. I like you. He's as much shorter than everyone else. He said the odd job character as if odd job was a type and not a specific character. Now, Dan, I think remembering a simpler era in comedy where I can't communicate it carefully, could just have one thing about them and that's at their shorts. But, oh, it's funny, because this guy is short. Speaking as a short guy, I'm kind of glad we're past that sort of bigotry. Well, if you just stood up, make a trip. Of course. Yeah. Because it's big. Yeah, exactly, Dan.

If maybe if you would check your big person privilege, if only you just stood up instead of walking around in your knees all the time, Elliot. It's my religion, Stewart. I'm a short guy. I walk on my knees. Do you know how hard it is on my knees? It hurts a lot, but that's the price I pay

to worship my God. Dorf. And yay, Verily, did he go fishing? No, Dan. Here's the thing I'll say about the Kung Fu thing where it's one person attacking at a time. When it's a Kung Fu movie, I totally buy it because they each want to show their skill.

And it's an honor, they get a certain amount of glory by being the one who took down this guy and they all want their chance that glory. But yeah, this is a bunch of dudes with swords just standing around. Like they're soldiers. They're not. Yeah, they're an army. Yeah, of one at a time.

But finally, now I thought Nicholas Cage was doing this to buy time for Hayden Christensen and the prince and princess to escape. Turns out they were just hanging around in the cave waiting for it to die. Just look at around it shit and they walk outside, looks like things are gonna go bad until the prince who has named himself King and declared that, so the prince who killed the king, he framed his young brother,

and that's why his brother's on the run. Now the prince decides, you know what, I could have them arrested or killed right now, but why don't I show that I'm the best by going into single combat? Yeah, and we learn that this dude is fucking ripped. He is molded, like he looks amazing. He's like, yo, I'm gonna do a diehard two training scene where I'm like almost naked and battling like five dudes.

He's running pants the whole time. I mean, that's 50%. Elliot. I think that counts almost naked and battling like five. He's running pants the whole time. I mean, that's 50%. Elliot, I think that counts almost naked. I don't know. Whenever I'm not wearing pants, I think to myself, I'm 50% naked, right? It's the most I'm not sure of, but no pants. That's right, I'm porcupay.

Yeah. Yeah, there's the original title for the Winnie the Pooh books. I think it was that naked. That's what they're called in Japan. 50% naked bear and friends. And naked friends. Really? And young boy. Except for whatever the hell the thing is that piglets wearing, everybody's naked in that

book except for poo. Yeah, it's true Yeah, yeah, yeah, piglets. Yeah, 50% naked pig small pigs and bear friends rated R For nudity clearly Dan how many kids do you think went into any of the poo books and just drew penises hanging it flopping out? Was I the only one? Yes All right. What about your mother and I have been many to talk to you about the Karl Barg's duck comics.

Oh, I mean, you know, that's natural. That's, yeah, I mean, he's a very wealthy duck. Of course he's got a penis. No, he's got a penis. He's a wealthy duck. Only the richest of ducks get afforded them. The maintenance alone costs into the, I don't know, duck coins. What kind of money do you use?

I use duck coins. They use bitter ones. Number one dimes. Number one dimes. There wasn't, I wonder if someone would find this a listener. There was an old science fiction story that I think was an azimovs in an issue that about a person who had in the future that you had to earn a certain amount of money to earn a penis.

But it was a it was a women dominated world and the men were all kind of like worker drones who had to earn enough money to buy a penis. Well, somebody find that. Anyway, so the prince who's now the king decides, I'm going to do single combat with Hayden Christensen and he wins for a while. And the audience is like, yes. The audience is like, kill Anakin. Just wait for him to jump at you

and chop off his arms and legs. And Anakin's like, from my point of view, you're the bad guy. And Hayden Christensen is thrown off because he doesn't know how to fight in a world without floating platforms over Lava. But he ends up winning. And he's a little disdrained

because earlier in the movie, he was in a scene with Sand, his greatest enemy, because it gets in his butt. I don't think that's the line. And that's the line in episode two. I hate Sand, it gets in my butt. Not like you, you don't get my butt.

Unless I let you, unless you're into that, in which case we get talk about it. Whatever. As long as we're safe with each other, I think we can really push our boundaries in the bedroom. Too consenting adults. And she's like, hmm, why don't you ride around and move those weird tick cows?

Yeah, then we'll talk about the butt later. Well, I'm like, we're there yet, Anakin. Annie. I'm just saying we could roleplay, and I could be a submissive in it. Yeah, all right. She's like, okay, well, I'm definitely going to be a Gamorian. That's very thing. It's, let me play a bedroom game called the rank or end is keeper. Yummy, yummy, I'm a rank or Yummy, yummy, I'm a rank or Oh, I'm falling into the pit.

I hope this rank or it doesn't take advantage of me. Yummy, yummy, I'm gonna pick you up now. The weird thing is the rank or is the submissive one in that relationship. Because when you're that powerful, the real fantasy is to not be in the seat of power. Oh, no kidding. Your real fantasy is to be at the mercy seat of power. Oh, no kidding. Your real fantasy is to be at the mercy of somewhere else to have that responsibility take off their shoulders.

Yeah, exactly. And you know, that movie face off where the one guy takes his face off and he puts on the other guy's face. It's nothing like that. It's in no way like that. Yeah, he wanted to give up control. Yeah, it's a lot like that movie.

The adventures of Milo and Otis or Milo and Otis have an adventure. They take on each other's faces. That was a scene that was cut from the second. The sexual adventures of Milo and Otis. The erotic adventures of Milo and Otis. Featuring Milo Otis and Sylvia Crystal. Milo Minara maybe. Italian porn comics joke. Now, so they have this single combat fight, Nicholas Cage wins. And at the last minute, so throughout the whole movie,

there's been this running character of this one black guard member who thinks something's kind of fishy with the prince. And he just stands in the background of all the scenes and just has a concerned look on his face through the entire final fighting. He just has this concerned look on his face. And then finally, he makes his move, which is to tell the archers not to help the prince in his fight. And then when the prince is dead, he just says like, uh, this is after the prince kills

the princess who was steadily developing kind of a, like a love interest in Hayden Christians. He thought he killed the princess, but then she seems to be at the end of the movie again. Oh really? I couldn't tell. I thought the movie ended when he built that, that, uh, the Karen of Stones for Nicholas Cage. Yeah, and his wife, but not for the princess who still princesses there. Yeah. But she got stabbed in the tummy. That's like a death sentence. Like Hayden Christians and all the got totally stabbed. I mean, Hayden Christiansen got stabbed so many times in this movie. He's like a pin cushion. He's like a reverse porcupine. He's just getting stabbed like crazy. He's like a regular

same-ray talent. Reverse porcupine in it. Yes. And so by the end of it, order has been restored and the army bows to the will of this 14-year-old good for nothing. He's just been running around going, ha, ha, ha, save me, protector. They know mine to the dirt of my face, for I am the Prince Regent. Oh, this is just some ragamuffin, some street heirum. Well, how can we listen to his comments?

A washcloth, if you please, kill him now. Before I die, might I ask for one final favor, a wet washcloth? Well, we're going to sacrifice interest in parody anyway. Luckily, I carry these because I'm a guard in the prince's black guard. As a lover of barbecue, I carry my own wet naps. Help, sir, my desmuchening it is the

prince oh will you ever forgive me sir take my life as payment for my misdeeds and everything is right in the world and and Hayden Christensen is goes off again to continue his warriors pilgrimage to ease his soul the end yeah I think we can go through final judgment. Is there like a like to be continued? No, no, thankfully. So who's the outcast in the movie outcast? Hayden Christensen, I guess, but nobody casts him out.

He kind of chooses self exile. Maybe maybe this kid is the outcast from, I mean, from Western civilization. Yeah, he's just guess that makes sense, but they really don't point that out at any time. He's tired of all the killing, man. But he keeps killing people. Yeah, but that's just the people. And no point is it a question that he's going to stop killing people. Look, some, you know, some men are just built for killing.

That's the fact that he still carries his sword around, his kind of suspicions. And if they call it outcast, I would think at some point, he would say something about how he left behind Western civilization. I think it's just kind of implied. I mean, they never explain why he chose the far east to go to. I guess he just, it was the place he could walk to from the Middle East. I guess he can't walk to England from there unless he had some kind of water shoes. But water shoes.

Water shoes down. Water shoes down, water shoes down, swarms, swarm. So, Dan, are we doing final duckings now? That was what I was trying to do. It's a bad movie. Judgment. Do do do do do do do do do. A bad, bad movie.

Or movie kind of like three options. Only one can survive. Three options enter, one option leaves. Three options enter one option leaves. I'm not going to talk at length. I'm just going to say this movie was really boring. Bad bad. It was bad bad. It was boring and cheap looking and not even a few minutes of Nicholas Cage doing the broadest worst English accent this side of Stuart Stenial Cracking Depression. Could save the film. Yeah, yeah, that's the exact opposite of my day in the Craig impression. Not what I would say.

Yeah, I'd say it's bad, bad, pretty early on. I was like, if only Hayden Christiansen got swapped out with Guy Pierce from Spacejail, but that didn't actually happen. No. So, if you can find a YouTube compilation of Nicholas Cage in this movie and you just spend five minutes watching that, that might. That might do as well. That's the way you pitch a lot of movies.

If you only watch the good parts, it's a good movie. That's the way I pitch movies. All right. All right. On the head of MGMUA, what's your movie pitch? All right. I'm going to make a terrible movie, but it's just gonna be boring.

It's not gonna have anything interesting about it, it's just gonna be boring, except there's gonna be... Keep talking. Seven minutes of it that are totally zany. Seven minutes, that's perfect for YouTube. That's literally the tail wag in the dog. We've been looking for ways to go viral. That's right.

So I'm gonna make this whole movie, and then we're just gonna release it and let someone else cut it down and put it on YouTube. And we're not going to make any money off of that YouTube clip. Oh, thank goodness. And that's my movie, guys. What do you say? How much is a movie cost, Elliot? Like $100.

Here's $100. Thanks. Now see you in hell. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Go over and take the hundred dollar bill back Hey And that's how the silver mountain band. It's got their start me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on the me on me on the me on the me on the me on me me on I guess there was call me super boring as long as I'm super you had a character You don't call me for dinner it was a movie that seemed to be Don't call me late for dinner

Why would I call you that unless you are the power to be called that or not is in your hands Don't be late for dinner. Dinner is at a set time. Be there at that time and I won't call you that. Just don't ever call me that. I don't want to. I don't have a reason to. It's part of the Lepregon's curse. Even if you were late for dinner, why would I call attention to it?

More food for me. That's all I'm thinking. Why would I ruin a good thing? And it's just going to eat up minutes on your phone plan to call me say late for dinner. Hey, is that you late for dinner? And then hang up. I hate text, but I've only got a limited number of texts for missing the upside. We get to call them super boring as much as we want. Okay, super boring. It was like the movie was... What's Judy Bloom.

Tales of a fourth grade boring. It was like the movie was devoted to avoiding any sort of sense of humor or liveliness or fun and wanted to be as stale as it could be. Which is too bad. Like if they just... If they just... If they had just been like, yeah, this is in a fantasy world and include one scene with a character doing magic, I'd have been like, great!

Perfect! I listen to Bullseye because no show does a better job of showcasing the best creators we have today. It's like the line I know it's on a favorite album, but for everything in culture. It makes me happy to hear music I've never heard before. Voices I've never thought to listen to, and culture recommendations that are outside my comfort zone. That's why I listen to Pulse Eye. You should too. Bullseye's your guide to what's good, for maximumfund.org and NPR.

So that was all of our final judgment, Stan. Is this one we wrap up the podcast and go to bed? Good night, everybody. Now to go to sleep and the bed we all share together. Scoot over. I called dibs on the metal. I called dibs on the one pillow. I wanted to take a moment to plug the second bellhouse live show that we've added to the roster.

Now why do we add this second show then? Because the first one sold out in five days. Oh thanks to you guys. Thanks to the listeners and the buyers. Thanks everybody. I sincerely hope now that I'm plugging this that the second show has been sold out in between the recording and the posting of this although I actually would not mind that much It would be so bad. Yeah, yeah in the grand scheme of things But like having to watch outcast again Or selling out before this thing airs. I'd pick I'd not watch I was outcast again Yeah, I'm gonna put Dan on the spot right now, Elliot. Okay. Have him announce what movies we're gonna watch on Friday and what movie We're gonna watch on Saturday. Oh, I'm going to arbitrarily say we have two

movies under you're going to flip a mind coin. We've got two movies under consideration. You heard it here first, folks. Unless we told you another time. And the only question was which movie we're going to watch which night. I'm gonna Arbitrar, we prayerily say that we're gonna watch and discuss the onterage movie on Friday and Fantastic Four on Saturday. Oh, man. The Roger Corman Fantastic Four. Uh, no, the new one. Oh, the new one, the Fantastic Four movie with like Jessica Alba as a new new one.

The one where the Silver Server rises all over your face. There's the whole boy. There's the one with the one with Whiplash in it. Trink, Trask, Florence, yeah. Yeah, Josh Trink. Yeah, the Kate Mara and the Michael B Jordan in it. And Whiplash. Who's Whiplash?

From the film Whiplash. Oh yeah. Yes. Yeah, what's his name? Everlasting Beautiful Now or what are we talking about? He plays Creed Richardson. He's got his arms wide open. Away open. That you sound like my dad tried to explain the fantastic horror. Anyway, and there's Suleen Storn.

She is the visible woman. You can see her no matter what's going on. I think that's certain. Not why I bet. Oh, isn't. Yeah. So there you go. Okay, then she's the divisible woman.

Two. You can cut her in half. Certified for us. Rod, I made us. You are as I love how scoop love as exclusive to widely reviled films from the last year Discussed by us at the bellhouse Friday on Teraj Saturday Fantastic for and so maybe if you got tickets to one and not the other set up some sort of elaborate swap system If you prefer the other movie, I'm not getting involved swapsies

Hey, here's a thought This is inspired by a true story Copsies. Hey, here's a thought. This is inspired by a true story. I read an article about the McRoy's getting McRoy brothers, our friends from my brother and my brother and me and their dude's. Yeah, good guys. Funny guys. Looks like they're in development for a show for NBC's streaming comedy

See so work. Yeah, yeah, see so which you know raises the question. Where's our where's our Congratulations You're gonna be nice to know I genuine congratulations genuine congratulations. No one deserves it more than them. They make me laugh every week, every time I've listened to several episodes, I'd say there are some of my favorite popgasters, but we gotta get on the fucking ball, guys. We gotta get on the fucking ball. I like ball guys much as the next guy.

But this is all preamble. This is a day. To what? Where is this going? You're not you're not you're not you're not you're not none of this bias. This is a congressional. This is this is the most back handed congratulations.

This is off the top of the dome guys. This is a maybe let's go under the dome. It gets it gets it gets before the dome. The dome. Congratulations to them. But also I was. Is this like dance?

It's gonna be one foot on shore. Oh, I forgot this. I'm gonna be like them, but I gotta make sure everyone knows that we're important. Our new regular segment, dance, 15 minute crank. No, I was reading this article about. Wait, and then we're in the time? So, I've got to, just let me was reading this article about in the time. So

Damn, just let me just reading an article about this It was on our candlelight show and they're talking about also How the Macroly's had helped very much with a local charity Okay, now take down charities. Yeah, my brother and my brother and me, Angels. They, uh, I forget the name of the charity. They helped out. It was a Christmas. What? The NBM, they, um, Angels. Is that real? Or you're making it up? No, that's what they say on the show. I just, uh, it really touched me to read that they had done that. I, uh, I appreciate it. Show me on this doll word touched you. I'm just saying that we have a certain amount

of power on the show and we have never thrown it behind doing anything good. And I want to take a cue from those guys and say, it's the holiday season. Pay it forward. This is really, this has been an emotional rollercoaster ride. So that's it. It's coming from taking advice, congrats to those guys. Good for them. Fuck them. Where's our money? They didn't, they did something nice. We don't do nice things.

Maybe we should. It's like, I don't know where you're coming from, Dan. I don't know what... I'm just saying, it touched me. The spirit moves you. This is how they season. Why not give to charity? Why not do something nice?

Why not... Will you be doing that? I'll try. He's got a rough go. It's true, it's true. I know, but in part, I think because I've had a rough go, in part because I'm feeling a little down this holiday season, I say, the only thing that really makes you feel better

is helping other people. So why not do that? I agree with parts of dating sentiment. I agree with a lot with parts of Dave and sentiment. I agree with the, it's a healthy person. I have been able to get through this without being interrupted. No way. No. You have a lot of cancer being done. At no point did we interrupt you in such a way that you had to drop F-bombs,

demand a show. Shit on the people that you were congratulating. I never shit on them. I never shit on my education. demand a show. Shit on the people that you were congratulating. I never shit on them. I never shit on my application. I'm not being as proactive as you. So yeah, help out in your local community. And special thanks to our network Max Fun,

the Macarroy Brothers, a variety of shows, my brother, my brother, me, saw bones, adventure zone, all the, and all the other great shows on our network. That's a fun thing. Thank you, Mr. Lert. And the word you're holding us out of that death spiral Dan Duhno. All the ships at sea.

No, I don't, I don't, I mean, that was really Walter Windja. I understand. I'm not gonna argue with you. I feel like the sentiment that I was expressing has been grossly distorted. He landed on a very nice sentiment. After a wild path through the skies. Then was watching that was like watching one of the watching babies day out or like a

Mr. McGoo cartoon where someone is sleep walking through a construction site and girders just happen to be falling into the right position for them to not fall to their deaths and then they finally get through it, okay. See, I don't know, and it's like, you think that it was artless, but maybe it was one of those monologues, those monologues that take you on an emotional journey.

You plan to do it in the right place. You're the gene shepherd of our time. Dan saying he intentionally did a heel turn to let us show off what good guys we were. I know, right. So we could be the baby faces. Yeah. God, I was down on ourselves.

I was never down on anyone. That was a real redemption story. Mm-hmm. I don't even want to write. I don't even want to read letters now. OK, so now's the... So I'm Ellie Kaelin. That's Stuart Wellington. Daniel, you know what I mean? The letter segment of the now. Okay, so now's a... So I'm Ellie Kaelin, that's Stuart Wellington.

Daniel, you know what I mean? The letter's the segment of the show. Yeah, it goes like this. Starring you, the writers in. The writers in? Is that a hotel? Yes, for writers of letters. Come on down to the writers in.

Here's your room, typewriter included, write a letter to the flop house, room service cost extra. included right a letter to the flop house room service calls extra. Thank you. Write them a letter and then check out we got a lot of people who want to stay rooms rented out by the hour shouldn't take you more than an hour to write that letter at the writers in the writers in is located on writer's street, any town, America. This letter is from Kim Lasting with Hell.

She's from Melbourne, Australia. Oh, wow. Dear sophisticated New York perverts. I just, I guess, yeah. I just finished listening to your 50 Shades of Grape episode and was compelled to write to you. Was that the super market brand of Cole Ladovich? You're drinking when we did it?

As one of the most song-filled eps and in my humble opinion, one of the funniest, it made me realize how gifted you all are musically. Listeners have long been aware of Elliott's perfect pitch and exceptional lyrical skill, but by the sound of things, you other two floppers have untapped melodic resources. So I'm wondering if one of your future ventures might be collaborating on a busby Berkeley style musical extravagance. In terms of story, I'd like to hear more of the illicit love affair between Tom Broca and Michael Cain.

Perhaps the couple could see a consistent from sex-coast Gvert Buington. I'm imagining Stewart atop a revolving bed singing out the joys of post-coital bean dinners. And maybe a course line of crypt keepers could be involved somehow. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. Hope you made it through this letter without too many interruptions, Dan. Well, this letter, not before.

I'm rooting for you. Anywho, thanks for the laps. Don't stop the flop, Kim from Melbourne. Now, I like the idea of a course line of crypt keepers because their legs would fly off when they kicked because they're just a bunch of bones. Certainly. And I would like to be on a revolving bed

because I've never been on one of those and I think I would fall off or get sick. Yeah, it doesn't tell me the good way to have sex or revolving bed. Yeah, I mean. Or sleep. How many people do you think get the revolving bedroom and they're like, I'm totally to have sex or evolving bed. Yeah, I mean, sleep. How many people do you think get the revolving bedroom and they're like, I'm totally gonna have sex

and then they get a little bored and just fall asleep on it and then wake up and they're like, oh man, I was on a pizza all night. On a pizza all night? Yeah, yeah, I guess pizza is around. Yeah. That, that's how I feel.

Also the bed is full of tomato sauce. Yeah. That's how both of you guys, that after my housewarming party, I went to sleep and I woke up the next morning and I realized that I was sleeping on top of a bunch of coats. I cleared out of the front closet. I read your popular Facebook post about it. Yeah. So was that sexy? I guess.

Yeah. I mean, did you think you killed a guy and ate his entire body? Nothing was left but the coat. They're my own coats. I feel like, you know, I don't know. Maybe they're all. Yeah, they're like discarded skins. Maybe it's like a snake.

The answer is taking a weird turn. Once again, who did that? So, yes, I think we're incredibly musical. We're super talented. Somebody, look, where's our fucking Broadway show? Mel Brooks. Is that better? Okay, so thanks, Kim.

Thanks for writing in, Kim. We appreciate that you like the show. This next letter is from Cecilia last name with held Tyson. Hi, he's chicken. Hi, gang. Hopefully Elliott sang a little ditty or two before the reading of this letter. Although it seems like every time someone mentions this song, the letter Elliott hasn't actually done it, but I'll take my chances. This time, the bit was paid. Yeah. Anyway, Wesley Snive said always bet on letter song. What are your opinions on remakes? I've noticed you've only covered a few.

Are they always bad? Good and theory? What are some remakes you've seen that flop spectacularly or that you actually enjoyed? I enjoy the pacing of the more recent Oceans 11 more than the original. I'm on the edge of my seat for the Citizen Kane remakes starring Josh Gatt is Kane and Shirley McClain during your best Agnes Morehead and Bewitched as Agnes Morehead and Citizen Kane. Are you sure it's gonna claim to be really good in their role? Sure, it's by Zack Snyder of course. Side note. In case you wanted to know, you've

conquered the 17-year-old girl demographic. Congratulations. I happen to be one who stumbled across this on the AB club like everyone else and I'm trying to get more people to listen Although playing your take on 50 shades of gray for my mom probably wasn't the best of ideas Sincerely Sessily or Sicily yeah that episode's pretty much in the no moms allowed category Yeah, NMA unless you're a cool mom. Mm-hmm. Oh, this cool mom's lets their kids drink and it's not a good mom I mean less than over 21 in which case those cool moms lets their kids drink and it's not a good mom. I mean, less than over 21 in which case, you're still okay. That is so fun.

Yeah. Question is remakes. There are some good remakes, but like, John Carbunner's the thing. John Carbunner's the thing is an amazing movie. And I would say as good as the original, if not even a little better in some ways. Yeah, I think it's better.

It's a more practical fix, bro. As well as all the CGI and the 50s, the thing. Yeah, I'm sick of those. There's also people forget that the Maltese Falcon with Humphrey Bogart is kind of a remake. It was the third version of that story. So you could say it was the first adaptation that was true to Maltese Falcon, but it was the third Maltese Falcon movie. Yeah. They weren't all called multi-spoken,

but I know you guys, Dan, I know you were a fan of the recent Friday night remake. I say recent, that's probably like five years ago. Yeah, I mean, like, I'm not like a super huge fan, but I mean, like, I like the thing. I like the a lot. Yeah, I mean, I like the original Friday night. I like myself some Anton Yelchen, some David Tennant.

Right. I mean, some David Tennant, I mean, some Colin Farrell. That has the advantage of being a movie that's remaking a source material that's much beloved by me, but isn't unimpeachably great or anything. I mean, original Friday nights are really fun. It's really fun, but it's fun in that way that like you know i just like really love

a dees horror comedy so it's like really difficult and it's super difficult for it's a good movie if you like that kind of movie that it's of yeah i don't like some like it hot but it's a quality film in many ways i'm impressed that Colin Farrell can step into the giant sexy shoes of Chris Sarandum. Super hung command. But yeah, I think that movie is great. There's one or some other good, I mean, there's other good movies that are like, reigns form what the original movie was. Like, technically something like Little Shot with Hors

is a remake of. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? You could say it's an adaptation of the stage show that was an adaptation of the original film, but yeah, it's a remake. Or like, it's not the same as the original and I prefer the original,

but like Peter Jackson's King Kong, I like a lot. Like, that's not a bad movie. It's just kind of like an over stuffed movie with one terrible sequence in it. That dinosaur stampede with the effects are really fakie. Yeah, because you're like, if I saw a stampede of dinos, I would go and try and hug them. Because I love him so much. But then there are like, I just the other day I saw the commercial for the point break remake and it was like, I was like, it was like, I don't know why you would bother to

do this. There's a movie where it feels like if people really want to watch point break, they can find point break. It is incredibly accessible and easy to find. I don't know that there's anyone crying out to do to see a new version of that move. You know, I think the English language remake of the ring is actually, I would put it on par with the original Japanese version. I find the original Japanese version very dull through most of it. So, remakes, they're great always.

They're great always. This last letter of the evening goes like this. It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter. I've been campaigning for John McCoy to join the original peaches on the flop house for almost the entire run of the show for years. And now this David last name sometimes with held Kaelin the sports fan and your john's kid brother. Did you ever think about that? did you ever once think about that john's your older brother and he was stepped over john can handle things he's funny not like

everybody says like boring he's funny and he wants respect john's Syracuse last name not with hell to prevent him from being confused with my brother I mean I think that you're overlooking one important fact, which is David Kalen lives here and my brother lives in Boston. Yeah, David lives in your apartment. Uh, it's right. He lives in the dumb waiter,

stuffing him in there at night. Send him downstairs. Yeah, David lives in the room. That doesn't mean street level marketing from John C. R. Acusausa friend of your brother John McCoy I mean popular podcast or John C. Racusa my brother lives in Boston or as I like to call it New York, Jr So Take

Does it care who's Your Bradley Cooper, and Bert, that was a wicked burn. Yeah, I know if you wanted to come up here over a period of time that we could fit them on the podcast, I'm sure we could figure something out. I mean, you're the one with the hook up and the connection. Wow, what an invitation.

Yeah, I suppose the pilot here. And his expense, of course. Out of your listening, I'm sure we could figure something out. Um, no, he's great. He's got his own podcast, sophomore lit, you know? Now, we can have him on if we watched a movie that was an adaptation of like a, like a high school reading list book. Mm-hmm. Part of the reason he had David on was because it was a sports movie.

Yeah, I mean, that's not necessarily his area of expertise. Uh, he does a podcast about it. What's his area of expertise, Dan? Uh, he's been a jerky brother. Make a photo of me. He's a museum curator. So we could, uh, yeah, if we watch like night of the museum, yeah, was that a flop? Night of the museum for the curator steps in.

The curators for a veg. Um, You know, you do you know anything about your brother? His name is John. We know that. What's his specialty as a museum curator? The good one. What's his favorite food? Maybe we can work with that. one. What's what's his favorite food? Maybe we can work with that. Yeah. Don't say pizza. Everyone's the favorite. Don't say Termnair too. That's everyone's favorite. I don't say food. Why? Who's this favorite X-man? Do not say Wolverine. Don't say rogue. That's yours. Yeah. Kitty pride. Oh, yeah, that's actually yours. That's yeah.

Yeah, I don't know what my brother has special. Okay, well, maybe we'll have John McCoy on for a special fighting out of the dangerous contest. Especially if I guess we're just Dan and John, finally having that talk, they should have had years ago. No, the thing is my brother in a row. The thing about my brother is he has an extremely long, broad swath of knowledge in a lot of weird areas.

So much like you, Elliott. He would be a good. So you're saying he's going to replace me? You're saying I should kill him. So he's not a threat anymore? I'm not winking right now. Wink sound, wink sound. So those were some great letters, guys. We learned a lot about Dan's family.

Remakes, I guess. And before that, musicals, musicals, yeah, musical stuff. So what's the next part of the podcast, Dan? I like this new thing called Stuart Recaps the letters. Not very good at it. My memory is terrible.

It's like sometimes I can confuse. It's like the segment I'm going deep with David Rees for the, what did we learn? That's what Stuart's doing. Yeah, they often say things that were not in the segment. This is the part of the podcast where we recommend a movie that we actually liked. Unlike Outcast. Well, I was gonna recommend Outcast. Dan looks like he got a movie right on the tip of that tongue. Cute up, cute up Dan. I do, I watched the movie The Big Short. About Dorf.

Yeah, I'm the film about the financial crisis of 2008. It was, I found it very enjoyable. It's funny, it's informative. It's got a fun cast with Christian Bale, Ryan Gosling, Steve Perrell, some other dudes, Brad Pitt, and a very small role. The weird thing, it's an interesting least structured movie because all of the big stars basically do not spend time together.

They're all in their own separate storylines and Gosling and Grail have a few scenes together, but that's about it. It's a movie that as follows a couple different groups of characters who, yeah, they interact thematically, let's say. Yeah. Most of them don't actually meet each other. Now, it's like a really does like goofy, well-fair old movies, yeah? That's true. But this is how does he handle the slightly, for the most part, well, I mean, it's still a comic movie,

but it's the comedy is more muted and more angry. I didn't love all of it. I felt like, especially early on, it made some directorial choices that were a little showy to ends that I wasn't sure I understood. Like there's a lot of montages of found footage that are just sort of tossed in. I'm not quite sure what that's all about. Well, in the beginning, a lot of it was to show the passage of time. Yeah. And I think also to show like the people that are being affected by the financial crisis, a little

of that, maybe. A little of that, but also the things that people were focusing on rather than what was going on in the finance industry. Yeah. That, like, here's the stupid shit that you were paying attention to when you should have been keeping an eye on the financial industry. But there was a lot of that and a lot of like sort of like shaky cam and like flashy camera movements that I felt like were more distracting than they were helpful.

Tracting. But there were, I mean like the opposite of distracting. But for the most part the movie takes what could be a very sort of off-putting subject matter or just sort of difficult subject matter and makes it fun. I do think that also it's elite and I were discussing that the movie really wants you to understand everything very much at the front of the movie, even to the point of over-explaining things that maybe don't need to be explained so much. And then at the end of the movie, some of the stuff that happens sort of happens and

you're like, wait, what did that mean? Does the movie begin with like a monologue? Like my grandmother always told me of a prophecy of a financial collapse. It doesn't, but it is. It does start with this evoration with Ryan Cosm. I mean, in a certain way, like some of it reminds you of something like good fellows in that like it has like.

Well, Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah, I mean, like well narration is like something along, yeah, like a score-sazing move along those lines that is about process where, you know, different people trade off narrations and you're seeing the inside of a certain, like, how certain world works. And the movie's pretty good at doing that. But it's fun. It's a fun movie for the, certainly for the subject matter.

Okay. Well, the next story should be. I'll go next. So the holidays are a common. So I think it's time for you. My holidays already overdue. The holiday of cagemas. And I think you all should treat yourself

to a special little treat. Now you guys all know, anybody knows me. Knows that I'm a real big fan of the MMCU. That's the Magic Mike Cinematic Universe. And tonight I'm going to recommend a little movie called Magic Mike XXL. Which is the second installment I'm living the MMCU. And Bord is a bill on to movies. Well, according to Stuart, the 21 and 22 job

theater part of the magic. Extended University. Yeah. So if you were in the mood for some sweet hard bodies, doing some sweet dancing, run out. Don't run hard bodies. It is disappointing. Those bodies are quite soft.

Rent, Magic Mike, XXL. Now, one of the things that's kind of great about this movie is it's a movie that features the lowest stakes imaginable. This is a group of male entertainers who are heading, of magicians. Heading to Murl Beach for a, not even a competition, just a conference. A conference.

A, a, like a, yeah, a conference basically where they're, they're just going to participate in a bunch of stripping and entertaining and there's not like it's not like anybody's trying to save their rec center. There's no villains at all. And it because it's closed. It because we're low road movie where they're like me. We're pretty quickly, Channing Taken is like, you know, I put this all behind me,

but now the Dallas and the Ketter out of the way, maybe I'll go get back together with these guys with big, big Richie and animal in the rest. We're getting the Ketter together. To strip. Yeah, so they had the Myrtle Beach and there's a lot of stripping strip. It's pretty body positive and yeah, it's super fun.

Yeah, well if you fucking body is like this, of course it's body positive. Yeah, I'm positively interested in your bodies. All right. Yeah, so it's super fun. I totally recommend it. Magic Mike X. X now it's called that because they all let themselves go between the movies and now we're extractor large clothes.

No, I wish. As I said before, I like gummy bear bodies. No, I hadn't seen, I still haven't seen either of the magic Mike movies, but I for a while I to, I still haven't seen either of the magic mic movies, but for a while I thought there were about wizards. I was like magic, I love it. A magic microphone that can make your voice sound beautiful. Makes me sound like a robot.

Where do I buy that? I wasn't sure if it was a new movie or if it was like they re-released the movie with more footage, but it's a new movie. It is a brand new movie. It's not just like my lightest, it is lighter in tone, whereas the first movie was a little bit serious. I think Dan recommended on the podcast earlier,

not this podcast on a different episode. I did, it's a blame on Ali. But it's just even so different. Every now and then, he's just going, imagine Mike. And the first movie, there's a, it's a little bit like, there's a little bit of a dark edge to it.

Plus, there's still a ton of stripping. But this one, there's no dark edge. It is nothing but smiles. Smile for miles. Yeah. Well, speaking of dark edges, it's time for me to recommend my movie and movie that at times

gets very dark, and there's a lot of edges that are used to cut people in different ways. And it's a movie called Bone Tomahawk. Now this was recommended to me specifically by a podcast listener and friend of mine, Brendan Hay, who said, make sure you see this one. And it did not disappoint as a very dry western horror movie that is weirdly kind of paced and structured by enjoy but very enjoyable where most of the movie is a bunch of characters played by Kurt Russell and Richard Jenkins and Matthew Fox and Patrick Wilson on a quest to find some towns people who were kidnapped by a tribe of

troglodites, who are just like Savage Cave people who I guess live in the American West. There's no mystery to what happened. They get kidnapped and the next day someone walks in and is like, oh yes, and troglodites did it. And they have troglog. Extra, extra. A lot of it is them facing just the dangers of being traveling in the West and getting to know each other and the different personalities. And then, but once it gets to the violent part, it erupts in violence. And it becomes super gory.

And like, super almost gothic harry in some ways. It's like, you had a movie that. It's like you had a movie that, it's like you had a script that like Howard Hawks had worked on in the 70s, and then the co-enbrothers that did like a gloss in the dialogue, and then they've just brought Joe Arland's tail in at the end. It's like really make it gruesome. And it's like it's great.

Bone, I think if Stuart, if you haven't seen it, I think you'd like it a lot. Yeah, I gotta watch it. It's called Bone Tomahawk. Great it are. It's gross. It's gross. So what do you now use perfect for the holidays?

The financial crisis, mail strippers and troglodytes. Streglodytes? In that order. Butchering people. Now we sign off. Another year. Another year coming up. Another year, another year coming. Another year in the KM.

Another year in the KM. Yeah. I've been for the flop house podcast. That was abrupt. Guys, what are our movie resolutions for next year? Yeah. For 2016, year of the flop. Let's make it year of the flop.

The year the flop house really takes it to the next level. Okay. What are we going to do? How do we do that? Writers or listeners right in. Tell us how we take it to the next level, because I don't know either. And this will be the year that we probably stay on top of those beloved macaroids, but love with all my heart. Or maybe we'll just maybe this will just me the year that we find a sewer pipe that lets us skip a couple boards All right Yeah, so for the flop-ass podcast. I'll be skipping them boards. I'm Stuart Wellington I've been damn a boy and now worried for the lives of the McAroy's I am Elliott Kaelin

What are you? Please scan Never guess what you'll see through the fucking... Untold delights, carnal pleasures, unspoken of, up until now. A greater portal to erotic adventure then. Fucking window. Watch out, pinhead might show up who knows dude Fucking crazy man, it is insane that window like anything get happened like a woman having sexual the dinosaurs

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A steam-punk dildo would be covered in cogs, the brass. It would be a cock-cog or a cock-ccog? Uh, no, it's a toy gun. I'll allow it. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artistone. Listener supported. Hi, buddies.

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