The Flop House - Ep. #195 - The Golden Child

Episode Date: January 9, 2016

It's a super-sized, super-fun, super-technical-glitch-filled CONTEST WINNER SELECTION EPISODE! Tom Horstmann requested that we watch the 1986's The Golden Child, AKA "Don't worry about rewriting the screenplay; Eddie Murphy can improvise any action movie into a comedy!" Meanwhile Stuart uncovers the racist motives of the BK Kids Club, Elliott takes down beloved dead comedian Bill Hicks, and Dan advocates the Morvern style of menswear. Movies recommended in this episode: Man UpThe Hateful EightComing to America

Before we start tonight, just a warning, the sound quality dips for a while in this episode for reasons that will later become clear, but stick with it. Everything works out in the end. On this episode, we discuss our contest winner selection, the Golden Child. You know, no one's ever lost money investing in golden children. You're a pamphlet about this? I do. Are you elderly and easily fooled? Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Oh, hey, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

That was, and I'm Elliot Kaylin. That was a real SNL cast member. Oh, I didn't realize you were looking at me introduction. Yeah. If we sound any different, it's not just because it is now 2016. We're a little older, a little wiser. Why else might we wait? Well, just for one. We're recording on my new MacBook, because my old one has decided that it doesn't want to open up GarageBand. And we're recording on a totally new version of GarageBand that, like most Apple updates, is totally different and totally inexplicable to users of the previous version. So is this not a paid sponsorship plug? It is not.

Let me also complain about how my new MacBook has only one input. And it's the same input you charge from as you use for the USB port. And you have to use a USB port adapter. So luckily, this computer was totally charged or else maybe we wouldn't have had an episode tonight. Furthermore, Mr. Apple, this supposed MacBook Air is unbreatable. Furthermore, Mr. Apple, you can fuck right off. Well, I mean, you could always buy different brands products.

No, they're great. You have to understand, you have to understand, Elliot, is Wallet is a big enough to hold two different MacBooks. What? Because he's so wealthy with MacBooks. I just haven't seen it. I'm just saying that's a common problem that somebody has way too many MacBooks. Is that a problem? Yeah, apparently it is today.

It's like some sort of King Mitis situation when people touch everything they turn to MacBooks. Why is he touching everything at this point? Does he know the fucking Gypsy's curse at this point? King might want to talk to Gypsy's curse. I mean, if you're living, you're pretty much touching things. King Midas was a very busy king. What have he done as a separate sensory deprivation today? Let me tell you.

The molecules turn into tiny little baby Macbooks. Let me tell you, there's one thing he's touching that turned into a macbook. You know what I'm talking about. What? I don't understand. Hey, everyone out there, you know what I'm talking about? What's next?

No, don't respond to it. One thing you're trying to do. One thing you can't give your hands off of. Do you think that was a kid man? I'm just going to do a matchbox. Matchbox. It's a little matchbox girl. It's sold to these terrible matchboxes. Matchbox cars little match girl. It's sold these terrible match boxes.

Match box cars. Now, do you think King Minesh, do you think the last draw for King Minesh was when he was like, well, it's the only solace I've left and started masturbating in turn his penis goes. I'm saying, yeah. And then gold, mold semen, spread it out and immediately froze in a fountain like a cartoon.

I don't look cartoon. Are you watching what happens, dude? We've got a Ralph Bakshi crap is this. Oh, that is not a cartoon. I want a child to be watching. I guess we are talking about gold though, right? Speaking of gold and gold in children, yes, Stewart, you're right. And Dan, you're right. Dan, we watched a contest entry today. And that's why we watched the movie chosen by the winner of a contest. I played it well enough. Which is why we watched an older movie tonight.

Yeah, that's right. All the way from the ancient decade known as the eight ease described at the top of the movie as the present day. Yeah. Now look, I'm confused me at first because it did not look like... You were like 2016. I mean, it didn't even look like the 80s since it said, it was present day in a Tibetan monastery in the mountains. Yeah, let me just back up for a second and specify that Thomas Horseman,

one... Brother of Bojack Horseman. I hope that you didn't hear that on the podcast. That was a But you'll reverence it. That was a there's a coaster hitting the ground continue dance Swedish Ten coaster With dogs on it hitting the ground and making a clattering noise But they're normally stacked carefully next to his pile of Macbook air Which he also uses coasters is just It's just like in fateful findings.

There's just MacBook Airs all over the table. He sweeps them off. Yeah, that's right. It's MacBook Airs all the way down. But Thomas Horseman won Stewart's contest challenge, poorly defined contest of the autumn. He actually wanted the better to find contest. Design a choking victim post victim poster for his bar. So how do you open some day in the future?

Years from now, when we're all wearing fucking space boots, we'll listen to this episode together around a roaring space fire. Boy, some day, Stuart, his bars been open for years. What a ridiculous notion that it wouldn't open. You don't have to keep that laser blaster in your mouth anymore, Stuart.

Right. Why do you sue a title in the future? That's what's crazy. I mean, clearly we're all bitter about something. I'm bitter about MacBook, Stuart's bitter about his bar. I mean, when I just had a lot of Brussels sprouts for lunch, so there was a bitter. You got a bit of taste in your mouth. Yeah. You washed it down with that bottle of

malor. The rubble. What is malor. Does that sound like an alien? Yeah. Somebody John Hodgman about that. Oh, you could tell me. It's a very herbal liquor. See, you got to understand, Dan, Elliot's trying to beat up a little more meat on those bones. And he heard about these muscles from Brussels. Oh, that's it. That's exactly what happened. Yeah, I heard about the muscle building weight gain power of Brussels. Yep, he won.

The miracle fruit. But the miracle about it, not actually a fruit. Despite the fact that it looks like a tiny cabbage, it's not a fruit. Despite a cabbage, not make a classic fruit of fruit. That's my favorite flavor of sorbet. Tiny cabbage. And he was close to tiny cabbage.

He was such a great tap dancer, tiny cabbage. When he started those tap dancing themed mystery movies in the 30s. All right, key, tiny cabin. So there was a contest to design a how to save a choking victim poster for Stuart's upcoming barn. And the winner sent us a few options of what we could watch for a movie. And Dan of course tried to eliminate any of the ones that seemed fun but did he fail maybe Typically we ask for a spectrum so we can find something that we haven't

seen already and this case Stewart had definitely seen the golden child before but as a child himself and so As a golden child forgotten to him So was the gold so now I don't remember the movies since we just watched it. Watching again, I realize I remember every moment of this movie. Yeah. Now the gold stars watching it again, you realize it was the seminal moment.

You're alive. It all comes back to this. It's defined every aspect of my personal. It was a real usual suspects moment. That's why you had leather cylinder hat around all over. There is so many hats in this movie, a wealth. Now the golden child, is it a sequel or a prequel to golden girls?

Is it the four girls when there is, like a mubbed baby? It is the sequel, it is the child that is birthed from their union. Well, that night all four of them got drunk, and one of them, I'm assuming Rose ended up pregnant. Why do you assume Rose? Well, Sophia is a person.

Is it because of her libidenous attitude? Well, that'd be Blanche. Oh my God. Oh, oh. That's so determining. You don't know, self-terminating. Stuart, at least one of us determining. Yeah, so we can say we had the experience.

Can't believe it. It mixed up Rose and Blanche. You mixed up Blanche, Devoreau, with Rose. I don't remember her last name. Rose is Rose. Oh my God, she's aged so horribly from the Cardene Street. So the Golden Child, should we talk about people who are not familiar with this movie, and how could you not be?

It was a huge hit. It was a smash hit. It was a hit. This was, as Dan put it, we're watching it in the movie that taught Eddie Murphy the lesson. He can make a lot of money without trying to be fun. I don't even know if there's a flop because according to Amazon or whatever, it was like four and a half stars, which is probably in line with the critical consensus. Yeah, that would not mean it's it's looked on as a critical failure.

Did either you guys check out Rotten Tomatoes? I did not. No, I didn't need it. I just want to save that. Dan cut that part out. Okay. Snip. So but this is a movie Eddie Murphy was on a hot streak. Everything was looking up for Eddie Murphy. Yeah, every child he had touched was turning old. He had his Murphy's oil soap fortune. Yeah, the beds that he had invented that pulled into walls, those were doing well. And of course, the law he had passed. Of course, Robocop was named.

Yeah. That's like, they cut that part out in post. What's your name, son? Eddie Murphy. Yeah. What's your Robocop's name, B son? Murphy. Yeah.

Nice gum be oppression, son. What's your name? Murphy. So, but this was a movie that. this came right after I'm looking online this came right after Beverly Hills cop so he they knew he could do action and this was an action script that had been floating around for a while but just like Beverly Hills cop was originally an action script yeah that was for Frank Stallone and this was originally for Melbrett Gibson and it was written by a guy whose previous

credit was just one of the guys. Oh, perhaps known to me as a 13 year old as the world's most efficient deliverer of boobs at the end. Wait, boobs at the end. Yeah, there's no boobs until. It's what you do. You find out what time it's playing. And then you start watching an hour and 20 minutes in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You buy it, take it to the show, get the movie there.

I'd hate you, dude. You can't buy it, take it. You can't wait. Hold on. It's the home box office. I have to object. Any movie is inefficient. Any, any boobs containing movie is inefficient.

Boob's delivery system. As soon as you know, when the boob's are going to come on the ring. system, as soon as you know when the boobs are going to come on. There's so much easier to know when the boobs are happening because you can basically back time it from the end of the movie. But when you were a little kid, how did you find out the time stamp? Did you like check the peddler's posters? Yeah, exactly. No, but that was, I wouldn't say efficient. I would say it's an excellent delivery system because it being, it was a movie that for whatever reason would play on, say, HBO during the day a lot. Yeah, well, because no other reason.

It's not because it's charming. Any adult would get bored with the movie and stop watching before the end and be like, eh, we can put this on during the day. There's no boobs in this. Missing the part at the end with the aforementioned twice boobs. That's how you sneak them in. Well, I guess I'll tip. I feel makers of the future.

But if you're trying to get kids to see a movie with boobs in it, put them at the end. I don't know why you're doing it. Seems kind of creepy. I mean, the marketing strategy for the movie, like the posters showed the lead covering her boobs of two football helmets. So you're just assuming you're gonna see, right? I mean, no, no, you're assuming. They're gonna need those helmets.

It's the day of the big game. I mean, it was a PG movie, but it was also a PG movie and the day is of like pretty great sheen on the where like, Tony Roberts could be bathing and a river for a long time. Yeah, or a two- I mean, what did the EPA be on that? I think it's a dangerous level of Tony Roberts now. Tony Roberts.

He was such a good dancer. You drink the water, the little Roberts get inside your system. I don't know. I think they do have a little Roberts in you. Would you like to have a little robber, Sydney? Would you like to? I have a drink of this. Speaking of Dream Water, there's a scene

involving a glass of water in this beautiful, which was directed by Michael Richie, who directed a number of good movies. Yeah, it's directed. Smile, which I like. Right? The Angel Bayer, Isres. Yep.

Fletch. Fletch. Another movie I know I saw as a kid and I have next to no memory of you know, I mean It's a if you can disregard all of the irritating people who quote Fletch a lot. It's a pretty funny movie. Oh, and he did downhill racer Which is a fantastic movie. Yeah, I think you recommend that I'm the show yeah, yeah, I did Yeah, and of course cops and robbersons And of course cops and robbersons There's that too You should probably stop scrolling Ellie

I'm sure I'm sure his career only gets better the later Most directors, right? I mean what Martin Square CZ and Everyone else I mean Martin Square you chose a yeah still fairly vital That's what I'm saying that's it's a bad miller 70 and making fairly vital He has a movie Ellie. Yeah, that was Michael. Someone who you should not use as an example. What happens to most elderly directors. Yeah, yeah. Usually they're like Clint Eastwood and they disappear and stop making movies. Um, that's fine. No, no, I'm sorry. I meant Woody Allen.

I mean, there was a decline there. We can we can look at that one. But then a resurgence and then a declining decline again. So the Golden Child, it's a mystical, vaguely mystery. So the movie begins with no dialogue for like 20 minutes. There's a long sequence in the beginning of no dialogue set as Stuart mentioned in the present in Tibet as a caption tells us, where there's a magic kid who chooses an object from a tray.

The movie's called that magic kid. Follow a magic kid who chooses an object from a tray. The movie called that magic kid. Follow that magic kid. Catch that kid. That's what they want to do. The whole movie. He's in Tibet. It's clear that he's the reincarnation of some hoidi-toidi monk and he uses his magic to turn a dead parrot. It's not a landmark. He's so great. This monk thinks he's so enlightened. He's so great. This monk thinks he's so enlightened. He touches a parrot that's dead and makes it come to life again. He also takes some old monk's necklace instead of picking one from a tray. He steals the monk's necklace.

Well, the idea, yeah. It's clearly a trick. He's offered things on a tray to choose which one belongs to him as the reincarnation. He knows it's not any of the things on the tray. It's the necklace that the man bearing the tray is wearing. Because the soundtrack is starting Nicholas K. As the soundtrack warns us as it turns awesome, there's a bunch of bad dudes coming through the snow who want to catch that kid. So this movie has been after getting the president back from being kidnapped. Oh, bad dudes. Yeah. Yeah, they're ninjas, right?

There's monkey face ninja. There's, there's kind of clinging on face. There's like deformed face ninja who whose clothing choices throughout the movie are baffling. There's the biker of the apocalypse from raising Arizona, who is has a big forehead in this and doesn't talk. And there's what was the other henchman just some, oh, it's a big guy with a beard or something. But they might as well be like the bikers from Weird Science who like come in. They kind of love the wells. That's right. And they're being led by, of course, Tywin Lannister.

Charles Dan. Charles Dan, you may remember best. He's probably best known as the assassin from the last action hero. Yeah. That's probably who he's best known for. Mr. Sitesize Contacts. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, he's got the contact that looks like a gun site. Was that his character's name, Dan? Or his site size content. Is he gonna trim that down? I don't know if they would have added that. It's no goofier than his name in this movie, which is Sardine Num's spot. I love that, man. And so he works for Satan, essentially.

And in a wordless opening, he and his henchman kill all the monks and kidnap the kid in a cage. The kid touches one of the henchmen. And the cage is like a giant grabby claw. It looks like a grabby claw at an arcade that you'd use to try to get like a little teddy bear, but it's rage. You're never going to win anything with that. Yeah. It's the only way that they can catch that kid without touching that kid, because touching that kid's bad news. And also, it leaves all the boys and I have y'all over them.

And they're going to be itching all the way down that mountain. When the kid touches you, he turns you into a good guy. So you can't touch him. If you're a bad guy, if you're a good guy, touch away, touch the kid all you want. It's crazy. It's touching wherever. And they kidnap him.

Cut to LA, which is in the United States. And we know this because we see. But it's like, it's like 40 years ago. I mean, it's the 1980s. Oh, okay. But we know that 40 years ago, we were recording this in 2021. In six years, yeah.

It's, you know it's America because there's a bewilderingly fast montage of L.A. street signs, American flags, crazy L.A. cookie characters, and any Murphy just gawking at stuff. And there's one part where there are four shots of four different American flags in a row. And I thought that was amazing. Like, it was such a Reagan time movie touch that it's like, do do do do do do do do do do do do.

America America America America. Okay, on with the show. Like it was the equivalent of just having someone sing the star Spangled Banner to kick the movie off. do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do And he's the hero and he's introduced to us, shaming a man who is looking at a pornography magazine at a newsstand. And a man who's harming no one, except for the fact that Eddie Murphy does not take to his choice of pornography. He's reading a magazine titled Chunky Assets.

And frankly, I then should be congratulated, delighted to be here. Brickie of the extreme assumption of what a beautiful woman should be congratulated, related to the hero. For a break of the extreme assumption of what a beautiful woman should look at. I don't know. He didn't pay for that magazine. It's not like he's at like a Barnes and Noble's reading manga in the aisles.

So you're saying that he Murphy is about the child finder and some sort of newsstand detective. Yeah, like he paid for that magazine, read away, bro. Yeah, but he's ruining it for the next guy who actually wants to pay for his favorite summer. Mom and pop pornographers out there being put out of business by looky-loos like this guy. That's his name, looky-loos. Such a good dancer. Anyway, so... Hey everyone, so you may notice that there's no more crackling and crackling and that's because

Much spackling. That's because we noticed that that shit was happening Our producer Dan McCoy Eagle eye that he has noticed that the wave form function this is all technical speak was de-goofified And he wanted to re-de-goofify it and make it un-gla-gable Yeah, and so we stopped recording right now and he wanted to re-diguify it and make it unglaggable. Yeah. And so we stopped recording right now. Sort of. The lousy MacBook that I was talking about before, again, not a paid sponsor spot clearly.

Was doing something super funky. And we... That means it's had awesome. And we had to stop where this was a lost episode, but we had to stop. I troubleshooted a little more on my old Mac. Troubleshot. Got it. Working. So we're back on Mac Classic.

I fear the day when this computer dies because then I don't know what we're back on Mac Classic. I fear the day when this computer dies, because then I don't know what we're gonna do. Maybe get like a Mac, well, instead of a pro and some Apple Gear. Did I make those anymore? Well, we can get the details of this off the air. Dude, you're getting the Dell. Oh.

A Dell, the singer. Point is, it was about to try out second songs, but I don't know when he's Point is we lost about maybe five to seven minutes of goofs, but say 10 to 20 what a one gold material No, it was probably the funniest things we've ever said. Yeah, oh boy. You would have been laughing So but it was all lost to the either. You'll never know why we suddenly started talking about whether Benjamin Franklin convinced a microchip.

That was good. That's tough. Yeah. And so we seem off our game for the rest of the episode. It's because of that. Yeah. Let's play it on that this time. So we pause, drag this thing into your garbage bin,

and listen to it. Oh, that's gonna be garbage. So we're gonna be in an echo. Flim inside your garbage can like Oscar. You can finally share this podcast with your friends after the Grouch and the cast of St. Mobykets Happy Days. The thing about Oscar, the Grouch is, he doesn't ever have to wear pants because he never see his bottom half of his torso.

But he doesn't wear his shirt either. He can save it about all the muppets. They're just puppets from the waist up and nothing from the waist down. That's great. Except for Big Bird who isn't doesn't wear pants anyway. He can buy two pairs of jeans, Max. And then they'll always have jeans that they can wear out after after work. Do you think the muppets walk to work,

then take their pants off? There's no body underneath. Two pairs of sticks to hands up. By the way, two pairs of jeans, Max, that's the other T-Jacks. Which is a reference to something I think we lost. Yes, when we were talking about Thomas Jane Max, that led to Thomas Jefferson Max,

Thomas Jefferson playing the Punisher, Stewart said Ben Franklin would make a great microchip. I said the character, not an actual microchip, couldn't invent that. And now I guess people understand the reference. Yeah, that's a close note. Flop has goof for you. Yeah. Enjoy that blue.

Enjoy this peak block. The goose became a blue. Oh, you wanted that. That's going crazy. That's just like the worst variety headline. Enjoy this peak X-ray X-ray who becomes blue and By the way Kid doesn't mean my balls don't work grams What does it give me? It's Skates Mord's off. Skates Mord's off. Skates Mord's off. Skates Mord's off. He's got one on me looking for Skates Mord. That's a lot of shit. William sat in the fire for that proper pluralization.

Skates Mord. He's got one for each put. That's just roller skates. But they're point spell. Roller skates. Roller skis. Okay, what the fuck are we doing? It's like, so somebody has a... Somebody write an 80's DNA comedy called Roller skis. Roller skis. Okay, what the fuck? Somebody write an 80's DNA comedy called Roller skis right now. I have to say though, before this

blue pattern, we were being so professional, there was a moment where my new cat Archie jumped up on Ellie's lap. You would never have known. And Ellie just shoved it down, did not stop talking. Without looking at it, you just cleared it away. Just shoved it into, did not stop talking. Yeah, well that one didn't get it, he just cleared it away. He shoved it into my lap like Joe Pesci with Sharon Stone's head in the casino. As with most cats, Archie is drawn to be most allergic person in the room. Yeah, the war must be a notch in the room. He can hear you, he's totally shaved by it. No, well, now he's doing fine.

If one of us had to be the center That was the most documentary about it That's the best one is crotch in the room So we were talking about We're talking about so we talked about the mystical ocean We talked about nothing in the movie before we got married We talked about how that magical that magical kid was kidnapped by Charles Dance and a bunch of super mutants. Cut to America, LA style. It's Los Angeles and you know it's America because we see a ton of American flags jumping at the camera. LA is playing the shit out of itself. As we enter a montage

that goes on for a couple minutes of just non-stop LA stuff. And every now and then, the smirking face of Eddie Murphy, the star of the film, the teacher. I'm not a bad at Eddie Murphy. He's very, very, and Stuart, could you describe a little bit Eddie Murphy's wardrobe because it really affected you? Well, while, while I'm Murphy's in America, he exclusively sees Eddie. He comes right to America and he exclusively wears these

sweatshirts with the hood cut off about halfway so the hood becomes like some kind of... It's like a doctor-strange type collar. Yeah, exactly. And over that sweatshirt... A morvern collar. Oh, we got sweatshirts in the evenings. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them.

I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them.

I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. I'm just staring blankly at them. Wait until the flat-pouse annotation page gets to it. So on top of that sweatshirt, of course, he's wearing a mid-caf length leather jacket, because he needs something to match his weird leather cap that he wears all the time. Yeah, he's wearing like a leather version of like a billboise cap. Yeah, Google the Golden Child movie poster. You see his fucking outfit. Just watch the fucking Golden Child, you're the best at that Well, wow, that's a strange recommendation at this point. On the poster he is wearing the exact outfit that's still in Justice Gride. I think, yeah, anytime we're just

flying. Actress-like. He did by John Alvin. Any time we eat his random movies you just say, you're just looking to watch it. That's what happens. Get back to us. Look a cigarette in the forest there. They explode. Oh no, they're covering gasoline. Now any Murphy is a professional child finder. We have a job in this universe. In this universe, his job exactly is to find missing children who pays them. I'm not sure. Maybe he's independently real.

Does he get paid by the heroin of the movie? Uh, the female lead. He gets paid in a form of love. Sure, maybe he's independently. Does he get paid by the heroine of the movie? The female lead. He gets paid in a form of love. He gets paid in the form of heroin. He gets paid in the form of heroin. And he's looking for a missing girl. He goes on a local public access show. He does a good one.

It doesn't go well. The host is very inexperienced and not very good at it. In a scene that I've been met, I found kind of funny. There's a couple scenes in this movie that I found genuinely funny. And Eddie Murphy trying to describe the missing girl that he's out to find while this guy keeps cutting him off, because he doesn't care. He wants to talk to the turtle lady. Yeah.

Who is a lady with a turtle, not a lady who looks like it. This is not a master of disguise or a Fisher Steven's type of stereotype. And there's a couple scenes like that. It's weird enough. The scenes where Eddie Murphy is the foil, I find funnier than the scenes where Eddie Murphy is making jokes in this movie. Do you mean the scenes that feel like they were just written to be a normal scene in the movie and then all of a sudden they're like just ad lib. Well, it's a different movie where like Eddie Murphy, like's a different movie where Eddie Murphy,

where Beverly Hills cop, where Eddie Murphy is like, sort of like deflating a real thing, and a thing where Eddie Murphy has to react to a crazy thing. And I feel like it's more fun in this movie to see the crazy things happen around him. And yeah, like he's the foils to it rather than he's like the cool guy who's like waltzing into this universe Almost like how the March Brothers are better suited to go to an opera Then to go to the circus which is already like a good thing that no one takes seriously except for the performers who take it very seriously

Especially if it's Sirc diso-lay. There's a problem for a certain circle without amusement. Sirc is sans fun. If you like seeing hang by people hanging by their ankles from threads, go to Sirc diso-lay. Yeah. So he's... Again, not a paid sponsor bit. This shall find her. What does Mr. Kingane Tracer of Lost Persons do next? What happens?

Next, he manages to get seen on television by a mysterious woman who is studying a Tibetan scroll in a hotel. Probably related to the opening of the movie. She tracks him down and tells him he is the chosen one. Profeside to find the golden child, who is prophesied to bring enlightenment to the world if he doesn't get killed first for his trouble.

Because the golden child is who? He don't want to kill a golden child. And evil man. Okay. And he's the one who would kill himself. Probably not, damn. My references are pretty much limited to comic books and naked horror movies. That's horror movies with naked people.

Oh, okay. I like horror movies without additives. Yeah, not all the damage. No, Sardineau numspot, the villain of the piece, who was named by somebody who was put on the spot when these two years I could have asked him Yeah, what's the name of the villain this move? Thanks for the song. The God George Lucas while he was parking. George George what's the name of a guy?

He was the name of a guy. George Lucas was making a list entitled alien names so bad even I wouldn't use them And he threw it in a garbage can and they found it You're like oh, we got you call him stardom numspot or butt broke dumb fart. Let's go with stardom numspot So Like Second one's a little too mad back. A little obvious that you're not supposed to like him. Let's go. We start on our own.

The audience isn't sure. Then decide for themselves whether to like it out the evil guy who kidnaps a child and is a demon. Oh, I don't get it. It's done for our family. Clearly. They changed it afterwards at Elis Island to make a sound less farty. I was gonna call them dumb fart. Now, trim spa, num spa is holding the kid hostage with his own evil monks in a warehouse somewhere.

Eddie Murphy is approached by this woman. She says, you're the chosen one. He's like, you're crazy. This conversation happens three or four more times where Eddie Murphy is confronted with an ever greater amount of proof that this thing exists where that magic is happening. He sees a magic, he sees the the golden child astral project to him along with a magic parent. He uh what else he talks to a mysterious prophesying snake woman in the basement of Chinatown, I don't know, massage shops, some kind of place.

It's like a traditional medicine place that James Hong is running. And each time it's like, you're crazy, that's crazy. This is crazy until... That's the scully problem from X-Biles, which is like, what point are you just accept that great stuff? Yeah, you gotta drink a shower and fucking black, I was.

How many times do you have to be kidnapped and brightened in Binale? I think I'm from Montana. Yeah. And with a program. Fight the future, Dana. Dana, what do I have to do to get you to fight the future? Come on, Dana. There is no Dana.

There's only Zool. Yeah. Yeah, man. You think that your Dana's mixed up? on, Dana. There is no Dana. There's only Zool. Yeah. You say you're Dana's mix of. Yeah, man. Dig it. Yeah, I had a saying. Uh, so they team up anyway, and they track down a motorcycle gang called the yellow dragon gang, which lives in the bad part of town. They're not so bad. They don't get TV

receptions that they can watch ret music videos. The Mad Stagos is the Apple Dump with you. Now, and I was... So they all hang out in one house where one guy has a motorcycle. I was in a question TV. By Stewart that I said, oh, what's this heavy metal band? He goes, probably rat and they lift it up. Using the lyrics from the movie, it was rat.

Totally rat. Yeah, it's the trademark from the movie. It was rat. Totally rat. Yeah, it's the trademark. The rally of rat singer. Now, any Murphy says, lady, you stay in the car. Already he's tried to hit on her and she's didn't, she's denied. You stay in the car. I'm going to go deal with these guys and find out what they did with the girl that the

girl that I was looking for who's turned up dead. And now he's like, this is my job. I don't want, you know, You're not really covered under my insurance plan The first sneaks into the backyard of a family having a barbecue confronts them with the gun and steals one of their potato chips No leaves You made that seem like the intake weight It goes on for you mad. It's a lot. It seems like it was like a really aggressive like It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on. It goes on for a few minutes. It goes on, if this thing was saying place on the phone, count. Is he just shooting the whole thing?

No. Let's just see. It's just when he says when he puts them up on his big board. OK, it was the, like, a torture, don't you? Stop, but some kids don't think bored. Yeah, he's got a t-shirt, can it? That's right. It's packed full of small size kids shirts. Yep.

He goes in, gets beaten up and tied up. That's when his lady friend walks in. Her name is... What's her name? I don't know. Mystic McCruall. I don't know. Okay, Mystic McCruall.

Her name is Keenang. So, Keenang walks in one at a time, just beats up all these bikers. Unniolates them. Like Scott Thompson, the bikers show's like a fighter. When's Dunza? One of the bikers unniolates them like Scott Thompson the bikers shows the fighter My bikers is totally old drunk Scott Thompson he gets his ass handed to him not and it's only after that that she kicks a guy through a wall Which bursts a pipe which sprays her with water so she has a wet t-shirt now in maybe the most 80s moment I've ever seen the movie the only way it could have been more 80s is if I

Don't know like such shorts later burst of the wall I've ever seen the movie. The only way it could have been more 80s is if I Don't know like such shorts later burst of the wall. I'm like deployed online I'm like Ronald Reagan literally walked into the movie and said I'm resident right now Where I prove for this shirt, you know she defeated and by throwing Rubik's cubes And a 10 teamed up with a Teddy Rucksack, this is partner. You know, it's trying to go with a leg war. Well, the bangers. That is all of my sexual affair. This is a very strange thing. Strangling with a leg war.

So they all these really tough bikers get dismantled. She and she. She wants Eddie Murphy loose and he goes fucking crazy. He finds out from one of the bikers that the girl He was looking for was sold by them to an evil Chinese restaurant owner for blood That was gonna be used to feed to the golden child to make him impure and thus Vulnerable to human weapons that explains why that poor jet blood Yeah, cuz they're trying to feed it to them and we all know golden

Jack is just delicious golden So It's like hiding broccoli and something It's like you're trying to teach someone to be a vampire I guess they love porridge they don't want to try the blood just sleep in the other part so I like you have children Yes, I have a child Yeah, how do you get into the blood? I mean you got to hide it. That's the thing just like they do in the movie. Because you want him to be able to be harmed by things of this earth. He's right now I have a golden child.

That is expensive. Yeah. A regular child. I'm a cuter child at best. Here's the thing. All of his Pepsi cans get turned into a little dancing men. He can't turn those in for change. Now, now, so soon as I subscribe, the best scene in the movie, which the movie briefly becomes Peewee's big adventure. And in order to win over the Biker of the Apocalypse, who is a henchman who is very interested in the Golden Child, the Golden Child's part,

he's a magical kid. I guess why wouldn't you be interested in him? He turns up, he's an alien. He turns up Pepsi can into an animated man and has a dance around to put him on the ritz until Charles dance smushes it. Uh-huh. Because there's only one dance in this film. How dare you, young man. And he finds out that he talks to his overlord who is the devil voiced by Frank

Welker, which means the devil sounds like Dr. Claude. Dr. Claude tells him, you have to get this magic dagger that can kill the kid. Yeah, I'm trying to feed this kid, that's fucking great. He's like, that's magic dagger. It's super easy. That's gross. What are you doing? You're weird. No. So he says, find this dagger. Tell the good guys you'll trade the kid for the dagger. Then when you have the dagger, stab the kid, which means these characters don't really understand how trades work. That like you both give up something, but what are you going to do? At the same time, he gets in touch with Eddie Murphy through his dream.

Eddie Murphy has a weird dream that has a studio audience and where Eddie Murphy is confronted by the bad guy that's henchman who addressed again, crazy. I think it's in O'Key scene. I think it's kind of fun. It's not something you like, just what was Charles Danes trying to make him a deal, like he didn't remember.

Yeah, it's like, I explained what he wants and what he wants out of the old trade. And then it also plays up Eddie Murphy's character's fantasies for the female. Yeah, there's basically two things I remember about that. He explains. Three sequences. They're being on a plot sign whenever Eddie Murphy makes a lane waiticism and everyone laughs.

And then the love interest shows up and a dress made out of toilet paper. No, she's tied out of toilet paper. No, she's tied up with toilet paper. She's wearing like a leather corset B.C.A. And Charles, She's not trash. Why is she covered in toilet paper? I don't know, it's a weird.

Do you wrap up your trash with toilet paper? It's a weird trash. Yeah, it's like, it was like, Charles Dan is just showed up and then he murpies some consciousness. I guess this is what I have to work with. This is weird. Not really into this. And they slash slash open any Murphy's arm. Well he's pretty calm about it.

And they and then he wakes up and his arm is slashed and goes, ah that was real. Because the whole time is like this is just a dream. This is just a dream. I've seen a bunch of magic shit but I don't believe in magic still. If they ask me do you believe in magic, well I hope you do. I'd say stop hoping because I don't believe in magic, sir. You know, when it comes to dreams, he seems pretty calm to be having a really in-depth conversation in his dream. I feel like if I had that complex of an interaction in a dream, I'm pretty much assuming it's not a dream at that point. I don't know. I can have pretty complicated dreams. Okay, so you have conversations that you can recall

all the details of if you were to make a deal with somebody in your dream before they burn your own. There's got to be some law that says I cannot be held liable for a deal. I'm making a dream. Yeah, you would think, right? But he made a deal. Take me to sleepcourt. And the next stop is Nepal.

You got to go to Tibet to get this magic dagger. And let me tell you, Nepal is not authentically recreated, on set. So there's a really great shot of the plane flying. And the plane seems kind of in the, like it seems, it's way in the top of the shot. It's just a really interestingly, brand. It's almost like they stumbled on a shot of a mountain that accidentally got some plane in it.

Yeah. Now the plane is also full of smoke from people smoking cigarettes. It's like a stock. Eating weird clothes, yeah, and hacking up loogies because it's a foreign country that I don't fly. Why are people eating weird clothes? Oh, that's a weird clothes and weird food. But the center of the joke is.

They're wearing weird clothes. They're not American clothes. Ever like a classic hooded sweatshirt with the hood caught off a little bit. Every other hat, every airplane scene, the focus of the joke is that any murvy puts in headphones. Weird stethoscope headphones. And listen to music in your next day.

And the headphones ever available in planes in the 80s. Which is a little like sunscopes. I got to believe. I don't remember those old airplane headphones that had like rubber projections that had to stick into your head. I didn't. Like, I'm... Were you not a know a jet setting kid like me. I was not a jet setting kid. Oh okay. I was not part of the Burger King jet set kid. Burger King jet set kids. That's right. Okay well what was the point to you? Fly

police to Burger King? Fly to a fucking kingdom? I don't know. Ventures like wheels would have. know, fly places that offer. Are you like a team of like jet-setting kids like Captain Plants team? Yeah, we saw burger related mysteries. Like what kind of meat is this? Yeah, like did you combine these sensors? He's come from.

Oh, from. Some kind of sesame seeds, some flying company. Thanks a some kind of sesame seed supply and company. Thanks a lot, Brainiac. Now it's time for me to lead her to the group because I'm blonde to figure out how to get out of here. Hey, I'm the one black kid who's fired at the gang. What should I do? Just stay in there and make it okay for us

to have all the other kids be white. I'm the girl. Yeah, great. I'm gonna nag at you. That's my job. That'm the girl. Yeah. I'm gonna nag at you. That's my job. You're sex is Burger King kids club. That's what I'm saying. Check out with Burger King kids. You're burger bread. You've had it your way right away for too long.

So you both make apologies for Burger King. They say, I order fries every once in a while, they sneak a nong and ring in there. That makes it worth it for Burger King to be super racist and sexist and they're a cartoon. That's how they get away with it. That's how they get away with it. That's how they get away with it. That's how they get away with it. We get away with it. Here have this. Don't tell anyone. Now, I don't know why we're spending all this time And we're forgetting that Victor Wong is in this movie Victor Wong and what's what's the name of the answer? We've played a chan and big trouble wall China. That's Victor One. Oh, well, no, no Victor one was

Victor Wong is is the is the other guy that he was low-pan low-pan. Yeah You think you're thinking of James Hong? Oh my God, I'm gonna do it too much. Racism, oh my God. Oh, hey. You know what I mean? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna cut you some slack in that, at this point, in American movie history, there were only two Chinese men

in movies where their names rhymed and they were in all the same movies. So James Hong was in a ton more movies. I have to believe, James Hong was in it. I mean he's his career lasted for 50 60 years Anyway, I'm a big fan of his no

Just a decent hang on cash and they're both great. Yeah, they're both they're both equally great and equally Chinese Is that what you're saying Stewart? But they are both super great. They're like great character actors. They're both super enjoyable. They are, and- What's even removed character? They're great actors. And Victor Rommas suddenly brings a lot of life to this, playing kind of like, shambling kind of,

kind of shambling, one of those shambling hermits, who is very like a little gross and a little like not what you'd expect and then light in turn it to be. Basically every scene he's in becomes way more interesting. Yeah he's got like a non-puppet version of when you first meet Yoda and I'm Christ right now. Well I was gonna say yeah I know he pulls the Yoda which is in turn stolen from like like Asian like like Kung Fu movies where the master's like playing a secret fool or something. You're in a lot of like, and now you shall learn.

But yeah, when he shows up, he's the beggar guy who fucks over and he merfs. He sells a Murphy necklace and steals $100 from any Murphy and then disappears. He sells him the wrong necklace. Warriors of the right necklace. He'll never know. And then he turns into a bird or something. Sometimes the necklace you want isn't the necklace you need. Sales.

Sales. That's what sales tell people when they are sold the wrong necklace by accident. It isn't what you advertise. Yeah, a mysterious Chinese man. Come on, they're like, Daniel's training for the sales returns desk. Here, here's someone president returning necklace.

Just tell them it's the necklace they need. They're not the necklace they want. Play this mystical sound effect. And then disappear. You can do that, right? Just leave your clothes behind. I don't just die out of the counter. How quick can you get under arrest?

Here's my mind. There's a length that takes this you get on the desk? Here's my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, now I'm CEO of the company. Jonathan Zales is my name. I changed it legally when I got to the job. It was part of the contract. I had to do it. It's right. I also had to become gay. I don't know why. Anyway, it pays well, so whatever. See you later, smoke bomb. And then he just leaves Velcro clothes behind. See you later, smoke bomb. And then he just leaves velcro clothes behind. He really loves the CEO's sales the whole time. Not just a crazy beggar mail inside their hood. White prop. So any Murphy goes to a temple. He has to get this dagger by going through a fairly lame trial of courage in which he walks across a pit on planks and then magically

drinks some water which puts out some fire. It's all complicated. And so it's a pretty lame scene with not very many effects and it felt like they were lying pretty heavily on Eddie Murphy to kind of sell it. Just kind of add lib is way through it and he does sell part of it and I have to end. I mean, you just glossed over the fact that the scene of the movie, like the thing that at least I remember as a child, and I think most people remember,

is the scene where Eddie Murphy takes the spinning pillar, and he says, I want the knife. For some reason, when you talk to a child, was the funniest thing I've ever seen. For some reason, when you're talking to these monks, you've got to spin a pillar and kind of chant what you're saying to them, and he does it in his own inimitable fashion.

And my, as a child, my pupil's widened, and I saw a future of hilarious things lying before me that I could laugh at. And you said, I can't wait till daddy take care, comes out. But this is followed by, I don't want to cut you off. But I don't want to forget, this is followed by a genuinely good scene, I would say, where any Murphy talks a little bit to the monk. That part's not so great.

But then we find out that the girl, the only woman in the movie, basically, except for Snake Lady prophecy, or who hides behind a crow. It's great, because her body's made out of a snake. We find out later her body's made out of a cobra snake that's enormous. Which in any way sees this and shrugs it off, is not impressed by this cobra woman. But she, we find out she is the daughter of this monk.

And they have like genuinely touching conversation about the faults that Eddie Murphy's character has, which are also the flip side of his strengths as a person, and how she has fallen for him and the monk approves of that, and that the two of that. It's like a very sweet moment between these two people who are, it feels like for like one scene they're acting in a totally different, much more graceful, subtle movie than we've been watching. I mean, it's undercut a little bit by the fact that Victor Wong is wearing a half looks like a smurf hat. Yeah, the red smurf hat.

Yeah. He stole it from Bobbist Murfing in large and did. Yeah. Yeah. With the mansion. Oh, I was going to say about the test. It's like, and Murphy's like walking across posts and it's meant to have, is it, is it the inner of the dragon that has like the fight on top of like the

poster I don't remember they all kind of blur in my head to be honest or it might even be multiple movies but I feel like that was a scene that you know for its faults was trying to pay homage to these kung fu films and much the way it's much the same way that at the same time Big trouble and little China was paying homage to these movies in a more successful way, but like both of them like clearly Love There's not gonna grounding in yeah, and now I remember just now Did we ever talk about the soundtrack for this movie is that in the stuff that I'm all I've deleted this soundtrack? It's great. It's awesome. It is the most 80s soundtrack.

She's great. As the movie opened into that present day, the soundtrack kicks in and we're like immediately you can see the three of our faces brightens. Yeah. It might as well have panned over to John Carpenter in the corner playing a synthesizer. Exactly. It's like a great, yeah, synth and drums and some guitar. It felt a little bit like you said. Like John Carpenter is playing the the score for romancing the stuff. So it's and it was around that time that I started to think there are certain things I like in this movie. This is not a good movie, but there's certain things I like. Maybe more because it's like a big ball of 80s soundtrack

and 80s special effects and like, it is nonsense. Like, that's what's charming in this movie. I don't know what would be charming to anyone who did not grow up watching the movies that we grew up watching. That's true. In the same way that I was... I can keep in mind like, I think we'd mention, but I watch this movie many, many times.

Yeah. And it kind of was your in a way the parent you actually you never had yeah This and this it was Mary Diskey ski patrol And they raised me to the child that I am today amazing now they go back to America after a hilarious scene in which Eddie Murphy Out which the customs inspectors in Nepal by talking really loudly and pretending he's a government agent. There is some fun. In the most Beverly Hills cup. Yeah, it was totally Beverly Hills cup.

And you know, four as stupid as it was. Beverly. The funniest scene of the movie. Beverly Himalaya's cup. Oh, no, I agree. It was the funniest scene of them. Himalaya's are like hills, but they're bigger. The hills have eyes. Maybe they're so tall. We can see up there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, guess, key, who is just wearing a man's shirt with underpants. And they have this dagger.

Now, would you describe her as a Mary Sue type character? No, I don't think so. I feel like for a Mary Sue character, you have to be inserting it into a preexisting narrative to a certain extent. Where it's like, the X-Men are pretty cool, but this character invented is gonna turn out to be the coolest of them all. Yeah Julie's awesome. It's not so crazy and I feel like more of like a phantom X. One thing that's misunderstood like internet people like there's been a lot of bullshit Mary Sue talk surrounding the new Star Wars. I'll get to worked up. Okay. But like the classic definition of an emergency is also like an author surrogate being like inserted into the movie where everyone like talks about all the established

characters, talk about how cool this author surrogate is. Yeah. Yeah. And it makes sense. So I don't think it applies. I don't think it's a place like she feels more like if big trouble in China, the Wayne character was female, unless she's so much more confident than any Murphy's character. Yeah. No, the joke is just that, yeah, the sidekick is the more confident one. Yes. Now, but she's not the chosen one. Sorry, prophecy says it has to be Eddie who does it. Now I forgot to mention that they arrive back on American soil and numbs, no numspot. Sorry, prophecy says it has to be Eddie who does it. Now I forgot to mention that they arrive back on American soil and numbs, no numspot. Yeah numspot is waiting for them with the cups. He's gonna tell them that they stole the dagger from him and Eddie Murphy says. There is no way the police would give a

fucking shit at this point. Like some fucking dude shows up. He isn't even putting his arms in the sleeves of the fucking jacket. And he's like, guys, some people are coming to the nation. Some people are coming to the nation. They're like, you're like Charles dance. They're carrying a dagger that's mine. You need to give it back. They're like, tell to judge duty. Now, so then, beyond the fact that he's a magical wizard demon. I mean, they're probably more interested in the fact that he's giving them information that some people are coming in the country

with a fucking dagger. Yeah. No, this was the 80s. You could come in with anyone you wanted. Yeah. This was back when you could say goodbye to people at the gate. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Remember? It's weird. Yeah, it's weird that my life span is Incomposed that So much we're that your lifespan encompassed the internet becoming irregular. Yeah, that's true That's weird that yeah my life span accomplished thanks Like the end of rotary In some ways it's even we're that your life span that encompass the entirety of verendroyers career the entirety of Vern Troyer's career. Just for big, any man.

I knew the year you were gonna make. Come on, it's gonna have to come back. Don't call it a comeback, because it's not happening. So why this evil wizard demon needs for LAPD cops to help him out with this? It's not short of it. Any Murphy says to him. You can fucking morph into a rat. And kill a dude that's swinging two swords like a ball from the combat dude.

That happened earlier on the movie. But those are the exact swords. He can do that. He can enter your dreams. He can teleport. Why does he need these four cups? Are they from the rampart division? And they're super tough.

I don't understand. Yes, they're cups the cartoon show. Is Miss Dominguez? Who's the chief guy? Is it a bulletproof for some shit? Come, man. I don't know. It's fireproof.

Did you ever watch that fucking cartoon? I'm not saying it's one of many cartoons as I watched the series. I remember almost nothing. I do not know what it stands for. It stands for cool. I know the cartoon. Yeah, it was a cartoon.

Yeah, you don't remember that one? It was like in the future. There's one guy who's like, oh my, I remember. The one who's like, oh my, I remember. Okay, yeah, that's stood for May all short. Sarlax. They are Sarlax. Kill. They're going to say, say, say. And cops stood for cookies.

Ordered? Please, sir. So cookies are a police, sir. Uh, but, uh, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And cops for cookies. Ordered? Please, sir. So cookies are an employee, sir. But there was like one of these cops.

It was like a, it was like a, like a future robbery. I have one character and there was no robbersons. This was not a written Michael Richie movie. Yeah, it was super. Yeah, just a cowboy. It was, there's so many cartoons I watched as a kid mask cops silver Hawks that I have no like loans to I totally remember silver. I remember the theme song because it's great silver Hawks, but I don't remember. I definitely had a pair of like little underpants Like little baby underpants. He don't need. You don't have little underpants right now.

I mean, not ones with silver hawks on them, because they don't fucking make them anymore, do you? I don't know, but like, some of the cats... There's gotta be a watch site. Every episode of Hunter Cats, I could not tell you the plot of one episode. Not what about one lion I went for, like, to the place of testing to determine that he is, like,

the leader of the Thunder Dogs. I don't know what that is. I have no idea Was there one where they all became kids? Probably anyway, and there's one where it was probably Christmas on Lionel planet or something That's right. I'm gonna cocoon when when when Wilford Brimley fought mum wrong I'm gonna go to Scott, hold on, speaking of Mumra. Huh? This guy's Scott, I wrote an article,

Scott Limberg, wrote an article for the school of paper from the perspective of Mumra, complaining about these like, these like, these Thundercats come and do his home planet, like Terry, that been killing all his mutants and shit.

I like he said, remember women that touched something that happened to what at your school?. Yeah I was talking to Dan I was like you see. Oh it was an earl on thing. Yeah it was it it was a parody of the the millions for Mumia movement. Well brilliant satire anyway so can Murphy explain to Charles dance if they arrest me then the daggers gonna go in the, into evidence lockup. I'm gonna be in jail.

It's gonna be an evidence lockup. You're never gonna get that dagger. It might take months or years to get to trial. That's crazy. He's a man, or he can turn into a rat. He could just take the dagger from him right then. I don't know what, it's like, he, and he's like, Oh, the police have foiled me.

It got me. Even though I have all the powers of hell at my command, I can't stop this chain of possession for evidence law. Now anyway, that's besides the point. We get to the point where any Murphy and his girlfriend and her boyfriend shirt are hanging out, they're attacked by the bad guys. They have like a fight or something, right? No, they just tend to tense with each other.

Yeah, because she starts crying, then, dude. Yeah, I'm in ladies do that. But they- It was crazy, okay. That's interesting. I'm mad at you. That's true. Ladies don't do that.

Guys do it when they're watching the Iron Giant. Now, the bad guys show up, there is a fight in which once again, Eddie Murphy is not that effective. And his girlfriend- But this is- It's just one of the weird things that starts fucking getting great. She's doing really time- There is a fight in which once again Eddie Murphy is not that effective and his girlfriend Is just one of the things are it's fucking getting great Shit and she's flipping and going nuts like there's see There's a fight is girlfriend. What's her name key key key any time?

I don't know colors girl when he shows up because I want to be Mike When he shows up to a fight, she's like, there's about 10 feet of space between me and the bag guy. I can flip that distance. I'm just going to walk. I could jump, walk, run, I'm going to flip. So they fight and unfortunately, she gives her, get sacrifice her life

and takes a crossbow bolt. It's such a great shot, dude, where Charles Dance, you know, not using those sleeves of his jacket. He lays like a crossbow. He lays like a crossbow. He aims at a deady Murphy and you're like Eddie Murphy's totes butt. Yeah, that's the end of the movie.

The bad guy's one. She sees it and she's like, I think I can say it and she starts flipping. I can say it in the only way. She's in her foot. Pipe. Flip hours, activate. So she flips right past and he's like, what's she doing? She moves flips faster than an arrow.

He hasn't even fired yet. He's like, what? This is a better Bizinos fucking arrow that it takes so long to get to him. She starts flipping. He's like, fuck this. I'm going to just shoot this clown. He pulls the trigger and the bolt flies through the air i said bolt because it's not an arrow dude it's

crossbow bolt good point good and she flips it to like hug and emerge we would have got letters so thank you for the american crossbow association the aca and the crossbow pierces her back more to leave more to leave and she is killed the bad guys escape with the dagger which was handed them at some point and Charles Anson's happy He got what he wanted and he wanted what he got skin in the game You stay in the game. You don't get a win unless you play in the game. Yeah, a little bit of Hamilton Everybody so For some reason they were scoring the dagger in a briefcase

I mean normally I keep all my cool weapons in briefcases. You think it's just rattling around in there? Yeah, no, no, no, I get a specially case man. With like a coup stick padding? Or so that it looks like it's something else, like you open it and you're like, this is just magazines. As you think of those magazines and you're like, this is a fucking dope dagger in there. This guy must be an awesome assassin.

He loves to read. No, the reading's garbage. I tricked that. Who likes to keep up on, let's look at this, 69 sex tricks that'll blow your man's mind. It's not key asses. Harper's, the failures of the abolishment administration. Oh boy, he's one of those assassins. So, there's only Dr. Hong tells him that if you... You have three weeks to live. Well, that she has one day to live. There's a chance...

If your funny bone is too big, Eddie Murphy. There's a... And the snake lady tells Eddie Murphy that if you put his too big, we're gonna have to do a funny bone reduction. No! No, that's the source of my talent! No! None of my leather jumpsuit's so fit anymore!

My deformity has made me a star, much like in that graphic novel, it was called Four Fingers. Three Fingers? What? The one about all the Disney characters? The thing's called Three Fingers. Anyway, so...

What? They tell them, if you can get the golden child over here before the sun goes before the sun We have a star that that dude when he touches something that's dead it becomes alive He brings it back to life if the sun hasn't set on it yet. So any mervys got a hotline is Volvo Elton John knew what he was talking about what he said don't let the sun go down on me if I could kill. Unless there's a golden child in the room. Yeah. Any Murphy goes to where the golden child is being held,

the golden child has turned the biker of the apocalypse into his ally now, and they- And Murphy fights the monkey guy who has this really cool chain attack and he defeats him in like two seconds. Super easy because it's that point in the movie where all the people who were formidable opponents up till now, you touch him and they fall down dead. Except for Charles Dance, whose form bursts open to reveal a stop motion animated skeleton demon and that's when the movie went from okay to amazing.

It goes from okay to end of Howard the Duck. Which is pretty amazing. Yeah, it goes from okay to end of Howard the Duck, which is pretty amazing. Yeah, I've looked the best part of Howard to be honest. I'm maybe starting a controversy here, but I really love 80s stop-motion optical process effects. Maybe I'm maybe doesn't allow mine. Maybe Scott Alchemy's turn. Especially like the that kind of zap magic lightning effect that you see and how are the ducking and ghostbusters, things like that. I love that.

I could watch Demo Reels of that. Well, clearly looks like an animator went over the film, but it tunes like frame by frame. I'm just going to go frame by frame, add some lightning bolts to this guy's hand. I know it's a love scene between Michael Douglas and Gatley Turner, who has those lightning bolts in there. I've never seen the world that I've encountered that has improved my life in bolts. So I watched that movie Harvey the other day. You know, it was missing.

James James Stewart, you've been shooting lightning bolts out of his hands the whole time. And then you call it lightning Harvey. I know Harvey is not the Jimmy Stewart character, but maybe we change that in post. Cramer versus Cramer, they gotta be shooting lightning bolts. I mean, what not the Jimmy Stewart character, but maybe we change that in posts Scrainer versus a Kramer. They got to be shooting the lighting bolts. I mean what also they fighting each other It's a versus movie Atomic fire breath maybe in Godzilla versus Kramer

Do you think is a car which I think is a rob Reiner joke? Yeah, so Thanks for listening first I was researching once, I wrote a sketch once called Godzilla versus the Board of Education. Godzilla brought about a lawsuit for monster education rights. And I did a Google search to make sure

no one had done that before. Yeah. Anyway, so they go to the way he gets the kid, they escape. They catch the kid. They catch the kid. The escape is Volvo. They go to an abandoned place. You're sucking. Going crazy in the kid. They catch is the kid. The escape is Volvo. They go to an abandoned place

You're fucking going crazy in the ship in this station wagon and you're going yes turn that music to 10 Turn that music to the maximum or flying demon animation in the daytime To fucking the theme the theme music Speeds up. You're like this gotta be the thing the kid is like I don't even use my hands to fucking buckle both our seat belts He does some he does some Peter Gabriel sledgehammer shit and just his seatbelt buckles on his nose crazy Because at this point you're like he doesn't even need that seatbelt He's mad nothing on this earth can stop it that car stop short. He's flying through the windshield and then just walk away

He's gonna be smiling Get her on the gingerbread man I'm going, wee! Get her, get her, me on the gingerbread man. No, they, ah! But the car is stopped. They, they're in some sort of abandoned concrete, something or other. Just to remind you, it's the 80s, there's some big graffiti on the side that says no aid for contres. And the demon chases the man.

There's the concrete of the place. They lower him into a classic honeypot. You know a demon gear resists fucking old style with a kid. Now that's just common magical lore. I think that's in the macro not what God. They the cement ceiling collapses on him. Oh good he's dead right. You think so. They go over. They tear ass in that Volvo. He uses magic powers to wake up at him Irving's girlfriend. They go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, they go, some pack or something like that. And then, uh-oh, demon appears again. We're actually messing up the train area. I was just, I was resurrected.

I think this happens before they bring her back. Yeah, yeah. It's, you're like, what is it, a fucking tremors? Do you just bust them out of the ground? Is this a railroad? Come on. Is he a John Star Wars fan-spokers? Yeah.

And he's like, It's a bug's goddamn bunny. No, it's not. It's this Charles Danseeman, who now Charles Danse didn't even bother to record any fucking lines for this stuff motion effect. It is just grunting and roaring. It tries to stab any Murphy.

That dagger is stuffed by a hoe, the quote, wrong, unquote necklace that is worth clearly more than $100. Because it saved his life. How much is your life now worth $100 because it saved his life is your life not worth a hundred dollars in life yeah yeah and the chosen ones life who's saving the guy who's gonna bring about life worth 150 dollar magic dagger repellent any Murphy takes a long time to thrust the dagger into the demon demon explodifies they wake up his girlfriend everybody's okay and they walk off into the sunset through a field, through a field, a smiley thing. They know that the farm part of the house.

They got a new circuit family, they got Eddie, they got Lady, they got Childy. Well, they come to this, they come to that key. The best part is that key is going to be taking the Golden Child back to Nepal. And he's just not going to go with the Reese, I guess he's got too many kids to find. Yeah, he's got to keep on with his crusade kid finder indeed is the kid fighter general yeah so she they of course hand this a golden child baseball cap he does what any kid would do turns it backwards because he and I use he loosely since even the characters of boy the actress playing that character was a girl. What? The whole time. Oh my God. Here's the reason. That's the real Linda Hunt situation.

It was that Linda Hunt as a kid playing the Golden Child. That's even more of this. Because she didn't look at you, which he was older. When she was Asian as a kid. When did Linda Hunt play a boy? The year of living danger, so she won Academy Award for it. Oh, I thought she won the Academy Award for... Can you get her to help?

Or let's go, yeah, she's a three-time Academy Award winner. And Eddie Murphy starts... He's clearly ad-libbing. He just starts asking if they have star-search in their country and then talks about going on star-search and throwing rocks at Ed McMahon credits roll. America's number one enemy at the time at McMahon most hated man and show business. It's like when you listen to who's the stand-up comedian who died relatively young where everyone talked to me that he was. Jim Belukshoes. No, I can't remember. Still a little off.

Yeah, I'm not sure. Oh my God, Jim Belukshoes. Oh, Bill. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. He's still alive. It's not.

Oh my God. It's the Belukshoes. Not the Belukshoes who is still alive, yes, but it's not the same. So Bill Hicks, how people would talk about, oh man, that guy was groundbreaking. And then you listen to that. I thought he only existed in preacher comics. Nope. He was a real man. And you listen to his stand-up and there existed in preacher comics. Nope. He was a real man.

And you listen to his standup and there's a lot of jokes about like Billy Ray Cyrus and you're like, oh, wait a talk truth to power, buddy. Wait a dangerous self, dude. Also, date you just tried to have to die. I guess he lived and updated his material had he lived. So anyway, that unnecessary knock on Bill Hicks's side. Yeah, wow. Wait necessarily knock on Bill Hicks's side. Yeah, wow. That's good. Wait, wait a P on his grave.

If it makes you feel we better, I love the character William Hickey, who has almost the same name. Sure. Fair enough. I read preacher at least once. Hey, Stuart and I, a very close friend of ours, Bill Hickey, from Arlen Fowl. So clearly Bill Hicks's ghost can't be mad at us at all. We've covered all of our faces. Glad we uncurst ourselves. That's bot magical negligence for $100. So let's get to final

that. That's getting fucking fucking gone so long, especially with the the bloops stuff that's on the other computer. I'm just gonna say it right now. I'm gonna call this a good bad movie. Not super funny, but if you wanna watch a movie that says, hey, this was made in 1980s, watch the Golden Child. This remains a movie I kinda like. I watch it a million times, the kid, I thought it was great. I still kinda like it. Soundtracks great, there's a weird monkey face dude. There's blood in the porridge.

Who cares? Yeah, I- Sounds like an English dessert. Yeah, I agree with everything that's been said. I kind of like this movie. It starts out a little slow when you think it's going to be more of a comedy. And then it ramps up and like, just like goofiness. If you go into it expecting a crazy mystical adventure movie and not a comedy, then it is instantly a better movie in your life.

Yes. It's a, it's a fun 80s. If you guys are not, that's all to follow up to the Delirious Standup Special, you will be disciplined. You should be watching Raw. That's funny. That's funny.

A tie is a pedantic person. I think when he pronounces these words, it's in a very show offy way. Jiro. Yiro. Sacrublue. Sacrublue. Heirs rock. Oolahul.

What you are witnessing is real. The participants are not actors. They are actual litigants with real cases. They call in via Skype to Judge John Hodgman's Court, the real People's Court. Now I call you to Judge John Hodgman's Internet Court, find it at maximumfund.org, or wherever you download podcasts. This delightful program is brought to you by Squarespace. Beautiful websites for beautiful beverages like kombucha-dog.com.

I guess kombucha means black mushroom tea, but it's much more fun to say kombucha. Like chicken-chimi changa. I never really wanted chimi changa. I just like to ask, how's the chicken-changa. Before we move on to letters and such, I just want to take a moment to say thank you to our network maximum fun. We don't do this often enough, but there are a lot of great shows on the network. Some personal favorites of mine. I like Jordan Jesse Goh, I like my brother and my brother me. I know you guys are big fans of the adventure zone. Yeah, it's a big cast. We got our brother, we got our buddy John Hoffman with...

Judge John Hoffman. Judge John Hoffman over there. Other shows. I'm going crazy with that. Stop podcasting yourself. Mm-hmm. There's a lot of stuff. Good only Graham, Dave.

No, thank you. Whoa, no. Nobody's joking. Just joking. Just joking Graham Dave. No, thank you. Whoa. Nobody's joking. Just joking. Just joking. Just joking, just joking. I just wanted to start it. Jk7's guys.

Jk7's with Flash everybody. JkRollings. Jk. Are they married? Jk7's and JkRollings. Yeah, of course they are. But Jk7, there's a ton of great shows you can check out. All at maxmanfund.org.

All a Freedleus in two. So check them out. That's all I learned. That was really fun. Now that we're done with our flop house housework. Wait, we'll not take it. What go on? No, I don't know. I was just I think there was a segue way. There was a segue way in nothing. It's like they're going to describe some of my shit. You're like, I'll start a segway in them, by the time I'm finished with it, I'll have some idea of what I'm segwaying to. I see you're playing clay at the computer,

so you're wondering what happened. Stewart was just like, I don't like talking about other podcasts. We gotta get away from this fast like hand. I just like talking about me. What's going on with Stewart? So we at Letters or what well first I want to thank you. Thank you. Oh, you're very welcome, man I want to thank you to some listeners for some gifts

The first one of these the first were hearing about The first one of these yeah, well, I'm just gonna say I should have given to Elliott before the The show started. You wanted a real reaction. Well, I was a little stressed when the show started. I was dealing with computer issues, so I forgot. So this is the first Elliott's hearing about it, but thank you to Jessi and Bigger. Thank you, Jesse Bacon for the WPA Libraryaries poster that he sent to Elliot.

That's really nice, thank you. So I'll still add upon you after the show. Thank you. As a man with a lot of library blood in my family, seeing as there are a number of my library tradition in my family goes back three generations, my grandmother and my mother and my wife and her grandfather all librarians. So thank you. Yeah Thank you to Leah Lewis for the crocheted happy cage miss banner that

Is hanging in flop house studios. You don't see it out here Ellie and Sturgh is gonna find the best place to hang it, but it is it is in the apartment Is a scavenger? I put a series of things in the closet. Is it Easter? If you can have my cool. You put a series of clues each more devilish than last and one of them looks like Dan Pies and me. Oh, the toilet, right? Oh, you think so? Try again. You think so? Try again. That's what makes it devilish. Thank you to Emily Bennett, my Flop House Facebook secret Santa for the book in DVD that she sent to me.

And Lashley thanks to Andy, Jan, Beth, and Jessica for the Flop House holiday cards that were sent in. Thanks very much for all the good wishes. We also last time received a gift from Flophouse listener Michael Ciri, a heaping helping Hanukkah Gilt, which the problem is what happens guys, is we start this podcast and then I get all really worked up I forget things sometimes and that was all those things I forget

But it was really great and we're gonna enjoy that Hanukkah girl L.A. and I think mentioned how much he loves it It's the best chocolate he's ever had. I have to say this. I had some Hanukkah guilt this year not this year 2015 That last year that was of a much higher quality than I remember 2015 was an excellent year for guilt. Good vintage. But it was much better than I remembered it. So I think they've improved the formula. Also, there's going to be a lot more editing than usual for this episode. Because it's long. Because of the weird two computers to computers problem. But if I remember it and I hope I remember it, a listener since, uh, uh, sat one of Elliot's letter songs to music. Oh, you did a really good job. I hope to stick that on at the end of the show. If I remember it, if I don't. Then write it in a remindant. If I don't write it in a remindant, it'll come in an

an upcoming episode. What was that listener's name? Thank you to John Davis. John Davis, thanks very much. But now to move on to the actual part of the body. Actually, wait. He said, but. Oh, but yeah, thank you. But it's time to move on to the actual letters for the evening. The first letter. letter we're running long so we don't have a lot of time for a song or a rhyme for us all to go along And listen to about the letters. We got a hurry it up. Let's speed it out fast Times not gonna be a blast if we keep saying not about letters We don't have time to waste letters we don't have time to waste we don't have time to burn we've got money to earn and lessons to learn

about life from these letters from you so let's hurry it up you have to wake up in like four hours to let her say things tonight or this morning or noon whenever you're listening to the flop house letters Say, a lot of us movie mailbag is a section where we talk about Elliot song. We don't need to explain Let's move on. I'll say another song that explains how we get the letters It's not and reaches them in the bag and sometimes a piranha might show this first letter Says I recently discovered the flop house and since I often have terrible taste in movies, I wanted to make sure there was nothing I wanted to see on there that you

guys might spoil or spoil in a different way than just watching a terrible movie. I saw Winters tail on the episode list and I was like, oh that's in my Netflix queue. I bumped it up to the top and when the disc arrived I sat down with very low expectations This wins is letter from my five years ago. That's stream it did Movie started strong. I kept waiting for it to suck, but it kept getting better I'm sitting there thinking how the hell are they gonna make fun of this? I mean the pacing is maybe a little lumpy and some of the supporting actors or amateurs But I mean this pacing is maybe a little lumpy and some of the supporting actors are amateurs, but I mean this is really well done.

It's ended up being a haunting take on heroism as well as a standing testament to the soul crushing poverty and corruption in the Ozarks. Weird. I can't figure out how this got plot. Then later I'm like, oh wait, you guys were talking about the unloved 2014 Magical Realism Colin Farrell vehicle, Winterstail, and I just watched 2010 Best Picture nominee Wintersbone with Jennifer Lawrence. The movie that introduced Jennifer Lawrence to the world. The movie that I described as a girl in a man's world.

Expecting it to fly off the rails and bomb made Wintersbone even more harrowing. Yeah, it's great, dude. Still a giant. John Hawks is amazing in that. She totally has to pull a hand off a corpse in a swamp. Still a thing. Still not a good reader. First name withheld. Last name withheld. So, well both names. So, I think you never get a letter from somebody who didn't exist. Maybe embarrassed about the misidentification of Winner's tail and I don't know Dude earlier this episode I fucking confused blanche for right

I Many numbers the flop house fan community who will pillory you for that. This is gonna be terrible now But may have been deleted segment. I don't know. Verton and FG. I don't know. Maybe I just admit and do it at this point. So, I mean, when all Victor Wang James honked about that was way worse. The thing is, like, now on that deleted segment. I'm going to show up my face. It'll be like an alternate universe. It'll be like, we all have vague memories of this other world that could have happened. It's been like, what to is just watching from the blue area of the moon saying, what if they had finished that version of the episode?

Is that what that guy's name is with a giant head from Watu? He's the guy with the pan on his head from the what the, that's four bush man. He who has the pan on the head from the four bush man. Yeah, four bush F-O-R-B-U-S-H. What's his relation to Spider-Ham? They're just good friends. What about Captain Carrot and his zoo prune? That's a different company, Dan. Those are DC characters.

What? Don't give me this shit. We're talking about Marvel parody characters. Captain Carrot's favorite. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so mad. Captain Carrot and I had a bad breakup I never got over it. He said you're cold and maybe never too cold. He didn't call All right, I don't have that bunny

Wouldn't his teeth just tear apart your face when you guys make out Yeah, cuz we're having teeth or tear apart. I expected to call the next day like if he went down on you It would be like a fucking Vagetti. Well, I never got the chance to find out Okay, well moving on This next letter is from James last name with held who writes James Forever dude I love the block as what I love the most about it is that you're the Chesson Chucineus you would never confuse two Asian actors just because they have similar names especially two actors who is ufras you're so well versed in. Yours forever, James Mom's slash, maybe Victor Wong, you don't know.

So James Hong, right? Greetings from Rainy England. No, I love it now. I hope your holidays were all a sincere dream game of the room tonight. I hope your holidays were all- You see some fair-dream game of the rooms now. I hope your holidays were all untrambled the lights. I just wanted to say that I love your show. My favorite quote album tracks to hit singles of House Cat's song and letter songs are

when the Stuart suddenly acts like he has some place to be and tries to hurry up the podcast. He's so damn what do we do next? When Elliot begrudgingly agrees with one of Dan's recommendations. You can almost hear his disappointment. Oh, that's a good movie. That's when Dan makes those fun. You guys are proud. You guys are proud.

You guys are proud. When Dan makes those funny laughing noises around the 720 mark of the 50 shades of rare episode, today I was on my first day back at work after the longest time spent with my one-year-old son, since paternity leave. It was sad that the slight, something in my eye, as a result of missing my son's laugh, was mixed with tears of laughter during dance-confused

angry attempt to get people to donate to charity at Christmas. Some were on the tube ass tube asked me if I was all right in a nice way. I know your angle files will understand how rarely this happens, the one estate I must have been in. If you guys ever do a show over here, I would like to buy you all a beer, room temperature or chilled. No cheers, cheers. Oh cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. Oh, cheers. Ginger. James Last, same with him. He raises a good point, which is, why can't we show an English? Yeah, it'd be amazing. It's time for us to invade them.

Oh my god, that would be great. Now, how would we go about doing that? Was that the point you were talking about? Oh, no, the point I was doing about it was that apparently, for some reason, the most interrupt you get is when I'm trying to do nice things for other people. You'll notice I didn't interrupt you once during that letter and you still have trouble getting through it.

No, no, that's fine. But you're right. It is when, because I don't always know you're trying to do a nice thing. And last episode was... And I'm a mean person. I was really seeing the last episode and about 20 minutes in, I was like, we are terrible.

Why does Dan put up with us? And then I remember, because we're really fun guys that love Dan. That's right. We care about him. We just don't care about the people he cares about. So when he tries to do nice things for him, we're like, we're going to drop you. Well, it's turn off his name, not being nice. Well, but we didn't know that that was a bit.

Oh, he was playing like a character. Like he was doing a hit. Exactly. He was doing a hilltop. Again, I was like like a character. Like he was doing a hit. Exactly. He was doing a hilltip. Again. Well, to become a babyface at the end of it. I was not being nice to, I don't want to go through this.

I don't really have to re-litigate this. Although we do want to do a show in England. We do want to do a show in England, and we do want to do something for charity. Nice for charity. I think that's a forthcoming. She suffers so much. He's listening to the show, and I think we'll have more specific sort of thing set up. Yeah, we're talking about it. And we like beer. We do like beer. And that came up too.

So all those things are correct. I guess right the Queen of England tell her the flop house has some girl to revoke the passport ban. She has all of us. She knows why they are in effect. Yeah, but yeah, if someone was gonna give us enough money to do it, we totally come to England. I mean, this might basically just have to cover travel costs, right? That's right. I could stay in my sister's place. I don't know where you guys are staying. Sure, we get a range of theater. Yeah, I don't know. I think that would hope we should arrange a theater in the birthplace of Shakespeare The world's greatest playwright That's right. We're gonna play the globe

We're gonna play the West End to the globe or the East End or maybe the South From all problems a big deep into my games workshop context to find a cow-tacking crash Me mal dan will roam the streets solving crimes in the deer stalker cap. Yeah. Finally. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that.

I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that.

I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. I was sorry about like that. Yeah, yeah, more already showed up out of the fucking holiday again. We just started in Merchandon. Why am I even back in the 1880s?

You know, was that a special Sebastian Moran? After an in-depth article, in-depth interview with Aaron Moran Steven Moff, and I guess probably? All right, you're trying to ruin Shaking. Shaking. All right, you're trying to ruin shake your like homies for me. Last letter of the evening from Stephen last name of hell, Colbert. Long, long, long time listener. Long, long lost listener.

He's in someone to find me. Long, long, long listener. Long time listener. First time writer, inner. I just wanted to inform you. Never thought it would happen to me. I just wanted to inform you that you guys can call it a day now. You've made it. Yeah, we should. It's almost midnight. You've won. There's nothing more to achieve because you are now featured in the IMDB trivia for Castle 3. Get those. What? I'm looking

that up right now. The epic saga of Ding Dong Key. It is epic, isn't it? That's fair. I thought I'd slip that on by it. No. He's not even looking up from his phone. You were on your phone. I thought I was saved. That trip that was like... This one I thought I was saved. You guys are going back in the mist from the TV. You thought you'd slipped under the laser beams like Captain Zeta Jones, but you tripped my silent alarm, dude.

Yeah. Go have a good hour. I knew you were in the house the whole time. He's been a good day even on the night. He's like yelling. It's right here at the top of the trivia. It's right there. Oh, man, I'm dumb.

The epic is a fucking self-ceremony. Motherfuckers, the epic saga of Ding Dong Gay has been immortalized for the ages in a Robert Carroll-esque epic of an early paragraph length. All the accolades, the New York Times, entertainment weekly and the 80 Club that's still upon you, all the legions of fans that fill live events and write obscene slash fiction. Even the love of your wives, children, and extended family could never compare to the thrill of seeing your misspelled names, gracing the lower drags of the I'm DB equivalent of the Deep Web. So, basking your glory, hang your warmey boners on the mantle above the port full of time and call it a day because it doesn't get better than this. Keep on keeping on.

I'll let them go because I can meet a lot and y'all have kept me from the break of the insanity on multiple occasions best to all and house cat Steve and last name with hope. So I just I need to read the trivia. I was gonna read. Well, people go to trivia and read, there's a description of Ding Dong Gate and its combination. I will say that I would do, I do doubt some of the trivia here, it says, the film was blessed by the Vatican for fears of the effect on its viewers. I would guess maybe, bless is not the word they're looking for.

I don't think the Vatican blessed Castle for you. Yeah. That's not Stewart. So you're officially part of it. The Vatican told Storgordon, God bless you when he sneezes. I'm so freaking. Uh, the best store. So you're officially part of it. The battingham told, uh, Storgordon, God bless you when he sneezes before I'm so. The, you're part of the castle freak story now.

I have to say the new one. Open yourself into this thing. It was happening to you. You're eating up. I'm like fucking Stephen King in the dark tower. So I- You're a character in it, which means Dorgio can kill you now.

Oh shit. As long as I'm thinking of fucking gun shooting fingers, I'm gonna get chopped off by crab monsters. So- Is that another dark tower? Yeah. The moment when I first pulled up Amazon and for, you know, normal reasons I added to my wish list, the Castle Freak Blue Raid. And it said, it said that users usually purchase Castle Freak Plus, head of the family, I fucking almost cried. The moment when I realized that you're like all of this, that's all this work-signing.

that you're like all of this, that I'm more modest. I'm not even sure. I cried. I said, I can now retire and return to the wing of Stuart Gordon's Charles Bans castle in Italy that he fucking owns. You knew that you had finally left behind a monument to forever mark your time like this. Yep. This is a manious type situation. I'll this is a major, this type of situation. I'll jump into a money bin filled with

puppet master puppets. Like a rich woman, you have a good toss to love a lady. You're on your head. You play outside. Like a toy I've got. That's some kind of weird suicide. Are you gonna drown in puppet master puppets? It's like a weird sexual suicide.

It's like a carrot-y thing in the situation. I've missed her hook. What were the other names, the other puppets? There's a one to hook for a hand. Well, there's blades or blade. Maybe that's one thing, you know, maybe it's a- Although I'm called blade, but it's nice. Guess he wears a robe of blades.

Yeah. And what, six gun? And he's a street shark. Yeah, six gun. The shirt is not a cowboy in Moumets, though. There's not a way in the puppet. Fuck off, dude. Tigger Cowboys in movements.

They're probably called dairy-based in the game. Like cheddar. Mm-hmm. A cheddar. Utterly. Yep. Yeah, chat utterly. So, before we say good into him,

say it, I have a gaze into the abyss. Should we move on, Dan? Yeah. Yes, we should move on to letter or wait. We just did that. Danny, Groundhog, Danny, right before our very eyes. OK, so why don't you reach in the mail, then pull out the first recommendation of the next movie

because what we actually do now, we recommend movies we actually got like. Thank you. Thank you, Roy. We're gonna be using the Golden Child. You you. You're using the golden jile. You did. You did it. Wait.

Yeah. Oh, that high five sound was beautiful. Who sticks? So I'm going to go first because fuck it. Why not? I'm Stewart. Oh, did. So of course what I'm recommending right now is Star Wars, you should fucking go see it.

If you like Star Wars, go see Force Awakens. If you don't like it, I'm sorry. Star Wars, do not tell me that you don't like it. I do not give a shit. I mean, I could tell you that I didn't fucking... I liked, I loved the first half and the second half I thought was okay. You know, the great thing is that Ellie and I are gonna talk about this later off air. So I'll get super worked up.

But what I'm, in addition to Star Wars, the Force Awakens, which is great, and I'm sure we'll probably talk about a little bit as we're trailing off into the distance. I'm gonna recommend a movie that I think you can find on VOD right now, and if you listen to this like 20 years in the future, probably on a fucking space holo vests is a,

so weird, weird advisory warnings, what in there? Yeah, I don't know, dude, I'm trying to go fast. So I'm going to recommend a romantic comedy called Man Up, it starts Simon Pegg and Lake Bell, where Lake Bell does a very believable English accent. And the premise is that Lake Bell bumps into Simon Pegg in a train station after running into a woman

who is supposed to meet up on a blind date that's been set up. And accidentally due to a circumstance is Simon Pegg believes that Lake Bell is his blind date. And Blake Bell, who's been on looking love, decides to just roll with it and go with it. And the first like, as what I've described, sounds like the beginnings of a vat romantic comedy. But everybody involved is very charming,

and it continues to go in interesting directions directions and it manages to be a fun movie And I feel like Simon Pegg when he's not in a big blockbuster or not in an ever-right movie ends up kind of picking Week movies often week romantic comedies, but this is the first time that actually it works It's got a great support and cast, Olivia Williams is in it. So if you're looking for a romantic comedy that might actually charm you a little bit, I would recommend Man Up. So Stuart Rikerman's the Copshow Manics. I would like to recommend a little movie called

The Hate Filled Eight. Which is a Quentin Tour The Hate Filled Eight. I saw a Quentin Turenti now, the Roded Show. My quorum interpantine. 70 mile meters. No, I, you know, look. Hey, you're the only guy who's got to get up for work tomorrow, so you can keep talking like this in your life. I don't know, it makes me think slower, it just makes it stupider. Look, I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about this movie.

I understand it is a hateful movie as the film title suggests it is a long movie. We know there's eight people. That's right. It's maybe not as obviously I don't know. I feel like the point that Quinten is Tarantino is making is maybe not as clear for this film or I mean it's a movie about Ray's ultimately. Yeah and well that's what I want to say about it is like I personally was not such a fan of Django on chain. I think it was you said chain that man back up. I thought it was no I didn't. I thought it was an entertaining movie. It felt a little off to me. Maybe it was because it was the

first movie Quintaric and itinam made after his longtime editor tragically passed away. And maybe that was a problem, I don't know. But I feel like Django Unchained was kind of a actually a shallower movie about race because it was just a straight ahead revenge movie. It was like taking the whole of slavery and then turning it into a death wish style revenge film which was very satisfying but was not very, I don't know, there's not a lot to chew on maybe, whereas the hateful aid I'm not making any, I'm not making any claims for Quentin Tarantino as being a

particularly deep thinker about social things but I feel like he's trying to wrestle with something about reconstruction, America, and the gray areas that there are in the whites and blacks trying to live together. Lately, I've been talking about the concept that I you know I don't I think that his emotional intelligence might not meet his like skill level as a filmmaker so I think that supports what you're saying but I also haven't seen people yet so it could be a dummy. I so I see what you're saying Dan I think there's definitely like islands of that with kind of He's trying to do a little more complexity or he's trying to at least see that's the thing I don't know it's almost like I think he has He's trying to

He's trying to do a much simpler type of story and in doing that he has inserted some interesting ideas and moments and put in and an interesting time period to be covering which has Interesting things to say if you kind of like push it forward a little bit about how race relations are now, but they are, but those moments are drowning in blood in a way that felt a lot to me. I enjoyed the movie a lot, but it felt a lot less earned to me than in some of his other stuff. This felt more like really Quentin Tarantino to be where it was like, it'd be really cool if this guy got killed this way. No, I, I look, I think that to me,

to me, my favorite Quentin Tarantino movies are probably Gloria Spasterds, and this is gonna be super controversial, but I really enjoy watching it. Snow White in the Seven Dwarves, which is not even a Quentin Tarantino movie. Yeah, so controversial. Just on a personal level, I really enjoy watching. Snow White in the Seven Worlds, which is not even a Gwenton Dirtino movie. That's so controversial. Just on a personal level, I really enjoy watching Deathproof,

which is going to like irritate. It's going to set up a bunch of, internet, fire brands, who feel the need to write me, don't, I don't care. I don't care what your opinion is, it's a personal opinion. But, what I'm gonna say, you're saying that it's your personal favorite, it's not what you think might be.

It's not necessarily the most polished thing that he's done. But I feel like there's this sort of middle tier Tarantino which is fine. The thing about Quint Tarantino is whether you like him, whether you don't like him, he knows how to spend a yarn and for the amount of time that the movie takes. He should have gone, I mean, his, but that's, he comes from a yarn family. The Tarantino yarn works is known worldwide.

It's quality yarns. In a way, he's got, although it's a weird comparison, it's kind of like Pixar, like even Tarantino, if it's not great, is still really good. Yeah, he said a very high march. So this thing was, I walked out of the movie thing like, that wasn't as good as I wanted it to be for me, but like, he said a very high march. Yeah, and there's stuff you can definitely argue with with this movie movie and I would not think less of you for arguing it. But for a movie

experience to go in and watch a 70 millimeter Quintering in Tino's film, it was transporting to me for the length of the movie. I was engrossed in a way that I'm often not going to see a movie. And so I like to hatefully a lot. And that's what I have to say. Hell yeah. Oh, I was queuing you. I'm gonna recommend this movie called A Hateful Guys. I'm sorry, hate heads in the double bag.

No, that's a bad choice. I didn't see anything recently that I pictured loved. I saw a hateful hate and I thought, and I liked it, but didn't love it. And I pictured loved. I saw it a hateful ate and I thought I liked it but didn't love it and I had very high hopes for Carol who was actually really disappointed in that. I liked it quite a lot but I found it a little slower than I hoped. It was quite slow which is not a bad thing but well we can talk about it effort but it was interesting I actually. I think it's very good. Once I read, it feels like that is a movie about an older woman who is looking for someone that she can feel loved with and finds this woman who is just kind of like following along.

But the story in the book I found that later is about a younger woman who becomes kind of obsessed with this older woman as she falls in love with her. And they create a relationship with her. But it felt like the movie felt unbalanced and it wasn't until I read about the way the book was done. And I was like, Oh, that's why the movie felt unbalanced to me. So it gives us another character more agency kind of and also in that like Kate Blanchett and Runie Mar are just not on the same

level in some ways. So I was just drawn to Kate Blanchett throughout the movie. Where is this guilt had a real dude? She's really sad. A little later, it must have been her favorite. I will say, if I had seen Carol later than the H. Malay, I probably would have recommended. Apparently he's just a matter of what's, that's only fine.

What's newer in my mind. I think with Carol, I had my expectations were, were my pretty high. Yeah, we're very high. But anyway, so I'm going to recommend recommend I think the Eddie Murphy movie that I used to watch all the time as a kid Which was not the golden child, but which was coming to America Which was an enormous hit for him and only a few like you only a couple years later Yeah, only it was kind of like a return to form forum and which weird is that I came to know Eddie Murphy through that movie Not as a human being not personally to like you're not best friends nothing more but that's the friends but not

best friend we do you know you've drift you drift apart from people over time yeah when you get married he won't be the best man in America I mean I was married he wasn't wait what are we talking about yeah so the uh but that was the movie that as a kid I saw the most. And so when I saw after that was when I saw like, Beverly Hills Coppen trading places. And I was like, it's weird that he's playing this type of character all of a sudden, that he's not playing an African prince anymore. Like it was my image of Eddie Murphy was formed through that.

Was it racist? No, but like that movie was very much him trying to play a different type of comedy character. Yeah. So it was just weird that that's the one I associate with because that's where so as a kid. But like, I mean, that's a movie that coming to America. Like his character is persona is a lot sweeter than his like normal persona, which is like sort of like lovable cocky ass bowl. Yeah, but it's there's a lot of funny stuff in it. I find myself holding in my head a lot, well,

you know, just throughout the day and singing a song for Soul Glow, the hair gel that is featured in it. And to this day the like TV edit, the Comedy Central edit for the scene worries out of the balcony shouting, forget you too every time I remember that anytime I think about saying fuck you to somebody or just anytime somebody says forget you. But that's the time. But that's the time. You're trying to think of the reggae added for seal up. Which is often often in my thoughts.

So I'm going to say come to America and maybe live a little bit of how I lived when I was a kid. So I guess eat a bowl of Cheerios while you're watching it. Well, like regular style, cause they'll smell so bad. Cheerios? Yeah, regular Cheerios make your breath smell really bad. I was a kid, I didn't care.

What was that kissing? Nobody. No, but you don't have any respect for the people around you? I was a kid, of course. You're a kid. You don't have any respect for the people around you. If I had any respect for the people around. I mean, respect for the people around. I mean, I'm curious.

I'd be eating crispics, but no, I hate everybody. We're working on it's maybe. So by the way, that was the third time that Archie tried to jump into Elliot's lap. His whole episode. It's the warmest lap you've ever had. He loves the most allergic one of us. Hey, CL, warm L, cats love warm laps. That was a rough name. But we have a male. We should sign off for this

old probably double super size. Probably super weird episode of a podcast with this Frankenstein's monster episode of the show. I hope it was easy to listen to, easier than it was to record. And I've been Stuart Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy. I think I'm still a Ili-K-Lam, but I don't know. Oh, thank god. Not everyone.

Boy, oh, oh, oh. Every time Daniel and I finish watching a very serious or tragic movie, I'm going to Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On this episode, we discussed our... we discussed. I'm disgusted. Why are you screwed that up? We're talking about the Golden Child. Okay, just click Dragon over to the garbage can I go?

And release. And... yeah. Into the ether with the... ...hahaha. Music Listeners sent us letters Now we're gonna read them That Stuart goes to get another beer Killing time right now

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