The Flop House - Ep.# 208 - Norm of the North

Episode Date: July 9, 2016

We just can't stop punishing ourselves with bizarre kids' computer animated films. Will Norm of the North be another Guardian of the Highlands or Foodfight!? Meanwhile Stuart has strong feelings on Tyrion Lannister's political positions, Elliott mangles Sinatra, and Dan is far too distracted by his loud cat. Wikipedia synopsis for Norm of the North. Movies recommended in this episode Shallow Grave Lifeboat Sleeping with Other People Get tickets for our LIVE SHOW in D.C. in August! Visit STUART’S BAR, HINTERLANDS.

On this episode we discuss Norm of the North, starring Norman Reedus and Norm McDonald. As Norman Bates and Norm from Cheers. And the Norman Conquest. All right. A known-name norm. Ah. Hey everyone, welcome to the Flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, what's up dudes? It's me, Stuart Wellington. Howdy, Chaps. It's me, Elliot Kalin, who didn't bother to go all the way into doing any English accent. They said Chaps to create more of a character for myself. You dipped your toe in there. Yeah, like a Kevin Costnery thing there. You're just,

you're indicating. It's sort of. It's like, you know what? I'm just gonna give you a little hint and you can do the, let your imagination do the rest. It's like making a really dry martini, but just waving the vermutth bottle over the glass. Yeah, like a magic spell or something.

That's right. Yeah. The magic spell of creating a martini. Yeah. We go, it's in Harry Potter you would say like prestigio martinis or something like that. Yeah, oh boy Harry Potter and his later years did have a big drinking problem. Is that the play? Yeah, is that the play that uh

Just getting Rowling's cracking out right now? Yeah about the older Harry Potter where he moves in with his other divorced friends. Who's a muggle? It's called the odd couple. And he goes, it's not spaghetti. It's linguiney. And then Harry throws against the wall and says, I'm sorry. I'll cast a spell of cleanup. And he does. Is that references to the odd couple that I don't get or references to Harry Potter?

I don't get a little bit of both. Okay. Little from column A, the odd couple, Colomé B, the Harry Potter verse. So, Dave, what do we do on this podcast? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. And on tonight's show, oh boy. Already running out of gas.

Oh, brother. What do we watch this time as if we didn't already announce it earlier before the theme? Yeah, we watched an animated, an animated show. What's the real joy? An animated show, yeah. A talkie. It was called Northern North.

And boy was it ever called that. It was certainly animated. So Dan was looking at the screen and it said, Norma the North animated children's movie 90 minutes Now Dan, this is a movie you really wanted you really wanted to watch. Yeah. Yeah. Why? I mean it was garbage. I feel like we have a good time whenever we watch a bad family film. Oh, yeah Yeah, not so all crushing it all get a all. I mean, if I have good time, it usually means go to the edge of madness

and just peek in. Yeah, yeah, stare over the precipice. Yeah, you know, you know, the end of the end of the Malin the Madness. Where San Neil is just sitting in a movie theater watching his own life and laughing maniacally. It's like that, except my own life does not involve a polar bear who pretends to be a man

and a polar bear suit to sell condos in the Arctic. Yeah, I look forward to a drunken half-sleep tonight where in the shadows of my room, I see the leering visage of Norma the North and Gooby looking at me. And they're kissing. And I'm like, okay, guys, my wife says, sleep, you can do whatever you want. Yeah, right? That's cool. I mean, whatever you want me. I'm not going to judge people. Am I pretty mainstream white bread in my sexual tastes?

Yes, but that doesn't mean you have to be a steward. If you want to be in a threesome with a bear in a goopy, that's okay. I don't want to threesome. I just want to watch those guys enjoy this. Goopy's also bear, right? He's something. He's something. He's okay. I don't want to three some like I just want to watch those guys enjoy this. Goob is also bear right? He's something. He's something. He's not quite a mop and he's not quite a puppy. So the answer question I don't know. Okay so we watched Norm of the North a movie that Dan McCoy raves as 90 minutes long. It's 88 minutes too. Unlike the film 88 minutes, which was much longer than that. Yeah. Let's talk about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And then, uh, so the movie opens with a smash cut.

A title, a title, that's my line, dude, with a title card for splash entertainment. The entertainment very clearly written in the font of entertainment weekly. So, especially if they're trying to convince us into thinking this was a magazine we were watching. Yeah, exactly. Like, uh, I don't know, uh, TMZ, that's a news magazine, right? I mean, it's not a physical magazine. I think they're actually just selling big gulps.

Okay. I think it's not TMZ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're selling a lifestyle based around big gulps and office buildings. So snickering. Yep. Hey, there's a hungry inside you

for laughing at somebody else's pain. Snickering. I'll give this to the movie, Norma the North, that we're talking about. One, the title, the company, the... Exactly, you're it. The title's an agreement, it's an out-of-normary, it lives in the North. The production logo looked like a professional production logo, partly in that it looked like a magazine.

It was way better than the food-fight production logo, which as we mentioned, looked like somehow the DVD menu credits, like suddenly appeared on screen. And also, the animation in this, while not particularly great, was all much higher caliber than the other animated movies. We've watched much better than food fight, much better than Guardian of the Highlands, better than...

Dorthy's Return. Dorthy's Return or Delgo? Better than Delgo. Better than Delgo. Delgo. Not asy's return or a dalga? Better than dalga. A dalga. Not as good as Strange Magic. That's probably true. Well, George Lucas was involved in Strange Magic.

Yeah. I didn't see that when I was only... George Lucas was not involved in Normal the North. The main problem with Strange Magic was just the weird character design that made it all look like, I don't know, like a hallmark card that you stared at while you had, you know, LSD or something. Like, because Maxine was talking to you, being all like a sassy old lady. I hate getting older, get drunk and kill yourself.

I'm like, oh, Maxine, you're gonna live forever. That's my curse. Please take me sweet embrace of death. Yep, this bag of groceries is my phylactery that my soul resides in. I'm so busy smoking when my sunglasses on. of death. Yep, this bag of groceries is my phylactery that my soul resides in. So busy smuggling my sunglasses on like an old lady version of Uncle Duke from Dunesbury. So take that Mac that was from the county central roast of a greeting card mascot. But anyway, norm of the North. So it starts out

in the North, we're in the Arctic Circle. And norm is a polar bear voiced by Rob Schneider at his most generic. Now, the comedy genius we've come to expect from the animal and the hot girl or the hot chick, not in evidence here. Dana, you nervous that your cat is making too much noise on the background? Yeah, I'm nervous that the cat is being very audible

on the track, but that's okay. Okay, that's okay. Presence for people too, my other series is from Audible. Yeah, yeah. Audible origin cat is being very audible on the track, but that's okay. That's okay Presence for people to my other series is from audible. Yeah, yeah audible originals presence for people to check it out nice segue So Norm the norris so if you hear something that what it sounds like Dan's prisoner is trying to escape his dungeon. It's just his cat trying to escape from his dungeon Now norm is a polar bear who has the amazing ability to talk to humans. And we learn this in a flashback story, he tells a seal that he's trying to catch to eat.

And as Dan said, we're watching it. It's nice to see an animated movie that acknowledges that animals eat other animals. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't acknowledge it to the point of showing us that Norm starves when he doesn't catch the seal. Yeah, well, actually he does catch the seal, but it's too soft-hearted to eat it.

Literally, he has to lose his disease. Raises the question what does he eat? I guess we see him eating fish later on. And we see him eating a lot of crow because he's wrong about some things. Oh, shit. So he explains to this seal that when he was young, he discovered he could talk to humans

and also he liked to dance a lot, which they don't like. Unlike the penguins in happy feet who live on the South Pole and love dancing and get mad when happy feet can't dance, the polar bears live in the North and they hate dancing. It's like one of those Star Trek episodes where they go to a planet where some people have

white face on the left and black face on the right and some people have black face on the left and white face on the right and they hate each other and it's the allegory for racism. Oh, that's what that's about. I thought it was a reference to the star-billied snitches and the snitches that don't have stars on their balance. Which is also kind of about racist. That's what that's about. What did you think it was about? I don't know. I thought it was about looking fresh and fly. And how trends change.

I mean, it's kind of about that too. But anyway, he can talk to animals, which is, he talked to humans. No, he talks to humans. He talks to animals. Of course, he talks to animals. Humans are, let's just admit it. We're all, we're not the more than a couple of mammals,

so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel, you know, who was naked up. Anyway, so, Norman the North, his grandfather, who is the king of the North, can also talk to humans. And he says, this is a great power you have. His grandfather disappears. No one knows where he goes to. No one over the north is friends with an old man's seagull

played by Bill Nighy. And so the scientist. He's also a therapist. He's also a therapist, but nobody believes him when he claims things. He's not a science guy. He's a seagull. He.

With glasses, as you pointed out, where did that seagul get those glasses? And as Stuart pointed out, how does he keep them on? He has no ears. He just has a fringe of hair like Jonathan cats. Yeah, like Jonathan cats. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, I'm going to say.

He has a tuncher. He ritually shades the top of his head, his paint. Well, it's the exact opposite of what he would do if he was a samurai. I guess they need to just shave the front, right? I mean, you's the exact opposite of what he would do if he was a samurai. I guess they need to shave the front, right? I mean, you shave the top of the knee fold your ponytail over on top, which I don't really understand. Like Donald Trump.

Anyway, so moving on, that's the extent of the topical political humor for the evening. Norm also has a brother who sets up like displays of animal behavior because he says if people are interested in visiting the North, they'll protect it and they'll want to keep the animals alive that they see, which is kind of the impetus behind a lot of, I guess, conservation tourism. So his brother's ahead of his time. Anyway, but there's also the forbidden area that was the grandfather's property and grandfather

disappeared. One day, the sea gul takes norm over there and they find that some humans are shooting a commercial for condos in the north and the condo house that's there looks like Frank Gary designed it so I already don't approve. And there's a nice woman played by Heather Graham who works for the company who's building it which is the green housing company. The led by a guy named green played by Ken Jong. Stuart is letting the cat out of the room and we'll see if later and now usually during their recordings, Archie tries to climb onto my jeans and I push him off and his claws scrape out my jeans. Now,

I'm wearing shorts today. So when he climbs up my legs with his claws, let's see if I can pretend that I'm just recording and he's not doing it It's a little game will play called Elliott's bloody niece. I'm I'm taking an aggressive stance of being proactively interested in Archie to Hans cat We have gotten way off topic. No, I'm not looking at Archie the cat This new movie Archie of stew's lab Now, Stuart is a member of a group. Many people don't know of, which is called Catnesty International, where he frees cats from Dan's room. That cat was a political prisoner.

It's a different, he's biting me. It's a different organization than Catnasty, or international, which is. Which is, I don't even want to know. Unless that's a new rapper from Detroit, I don't want to know. So Norm finds out that these humans want to build condos in the North and they're looking for a way to sell these condos. Now, Heather Graham's character has been separated from her daughter who is super bright, Alissa

Simpson type, and she wants to get her daughter into the same very exclusive prep school that her boss, Mr. Green, who is some kind of evil, evil fake, phony, hippie. Yeah, he looks like a 70s, like, like, slimy, greasy fellow, like, I don't know, like he's bald and has a ponytail and wears a blousey turtleneck with a big gold medallion around that. He reminds me of Carmen Gia, the housekeeper, slash boyfriend to the director from in the producers, who like, zero most Ellen Jean Wilder

that's seen where they're in a very small elevator with him and they just can't quite seem to stand far enough waiting to not be touching each other. Yes. So anyway, that's what he resembles and then mix a little jafar in there too. Yeah, there's definitely a lot of jafar. But with much more manic movements

and the like dead face of an animator who doesn't feel like trying to match it up with Ken G-ongs, very animated performance. Instead, all of his limbs are constantly moving like serpents, like his body is a hydrohead and he's, as the movie goes on, he's less and less beholden to the laws of physics until he's just slipping around and floating everywhere in a kind of, well, let's just say you called him manic for him every day is manic Monday. Even Sunday is a manic Monday for him.

I'm just trying to end to say that I'm still here, even though I haven't talked in a long time because the cat is bothering the fuck out of me. So I apologize to everyone. Oh, come on, dude. But doing a subpar job at my job. Hey, look, one, I appreciate you acknowledging that. And two, which is amazing. Two, I think what you're telling them is you're not going

and you and you and you, you're going to love him. Boom, boom, boom, dream girls, boom, starring Dan. You're going to love him. Boom. Boom. Dreamgirls. Boom. Starring Dan. See, I don't even know that reference. Yeah. I'm telling you, I'm not going. Okay.

It's the big song from Dreamgirls. It's a show stopping number one. And the movie Jennifer Hudson saying it. Yeah, yeah. That's the one that Eddie Murphy was in, right? Yes. Okay. Dreamgirls.

Norbit. Norbit. You're thinking of Meet Dave. Uh huh. Oh no. Was he in that? Yeah. if he was in, right? Yes. Okay, dream. Norbit. You're thinking of meat Dave. Uh huh. Oh no, was he in that? Yeah, he was.

Was meat Dave the one with Kevin Clive? No, that's just Dave. Now you're not thinking of the local just Dave. You know, meat Dave. Just Dave is my brother. Okay. Now you're not thinking of the low budget film meat Dave, which is about a man made entirely of meat, disgusting.

And his name's not even Dave. That's how low budget is. They couldn't afford the rights to Dave. Yeah, because Kevin Clive has that entirely of meat, disgusting. And his name's not even Dave, that's how low budget is. They couldn't afford the rights to Dave. Yeah, because Kevin Klein has that lockdown. Yeah, yeah. And VBK's have it in their will and it goes to their children. It was an end of you. It was an asylum production.

They thought that meat Dave was gonna be a much bigger blockbuster than it was. They thought all the kids were gonna ask me asking their parents for DVDs of meat Dave. They're like, oh, but I guess it's what they're looking for. I don't know. Anyway, I got you. Grandma doesn't understand.

I got you this squeamage ninja, ninja murals. Oh, this isn't what I wanted, grandma. You're the worst grandma ever. I can't keep track of your kid, your kid trends. Anyway, I got you this Benzen. That I wanted Ben10. This is the worst. What's some of the kids stuff?

And grandma's like, I lived through the great depression. I've seen such wonderful things. Like the great depression. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, when I was being a nurse in France or in World War II, whatever, I didn't want the revengers on DVD, I wanted the Avengers. The revengers age of Maltron, who's a robot bird,

whose feathers are falling out. This is besides the point. So, Heather Graham gets footage of Norm of the North trying to save her from an earthquake, but it looks like he's trying to attack her. For some reason, her boss decides, you know what'll make people really want to move to the North. A scary polar bear. Let's show people how scary polar bears are. It's going to make them want to move there. And so they decide they're looking for the perfect actor who can play the perfect polar bear. And Bill Nihie says, Norm, this is your chance.

You can talk to humans. You know what? You're like every animal in the movie, zookeeper. You go there, you land this part. And then you tell people how important it is to not build homes in the Arctic by first becoming a shill for these Arctic homes, which means, hey, was this movie a sequel made in the 1980s because they're going to New York? Da da ba da ba ba ba ba ba. Or I want to make it in the city that doesn't sleep. Hey, ho, to find on King of the North,

norm of the bears, top of the bears. King of the North. And he goes there with his three lemming friends who has established our indestructible physically and also peel all over everything. To the point that we see animated peace streams. They're basically minions and they speak, they sound exactly like the like kooky

grandma and from grandma's to. I want to. Yeah, they're like minions with a little touch of conquerors bad for a day for the Nintendo 64. I just wanted to go backwards for a moment and say that much like Edward Bellamy. I know that was looking forward. That's Bill Bellamy.

Oh, even though this was animated film, it looks like it was shot in Vancouver because they couldn't be bothered to make the New York skyline. One of the most iconic skylines in the world look anything like New York. Was there a Christ the building? No, was there an Empire State Building? No. Was there the World Trade Center? No, but understandable. This is a post 9-11 world. At this point, it's so refreshing that we are given a backdrop that isn't just white textures. Like for a little while, I thought we were just going to watch an entire movie with like poorly textured snow. Stewarded it on Snowblind.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. There's a blazer device over here. So they show up in New York. We get a taste of New York culture. We have our friend, Drescher stand-in. We have endless seas of taxi cabs. Taxi cabs and people going, I'm walking here.

Hey, oh, forget about it, a million pizzas. So Norm, he gets involved. He gets, like, I can't even remember exactly how this happened. It's so it there's like he's on the run from two people. He worked for a green with tranquilizer darts. He manages to instead get them into a fight with a Shakespearean actor in a ragged bear suit. Who's going to audition for the same role that Norm needs to get? And once he's taken the the bear suit off its clear, he he's Adam Driver from yeah, it looks very similar to like a Sasha Baron Cohen

Adam Driver character. Yeah mashup. Yeah, and he goes the audition of course he nails it because he's a fucking bear Which is great talks, which is just it's not too far from your critique of the movie funny people where Getting a role in a commercial in New York with such a crowded market of other talent, other actors. And he gets it so easily, like it's such a huge accomplishment and it's just glossed over, it just minimizes the, the real, the mistakes of the movie. Of actual bears out there who are busting their ass

every day. Their pain they're do's, their bears waiting tables, their bears, let's just say it's stripping because that's the best they can get. And they're paying their dues. They're bears waiting tables. They're bears, let's just say it's stripping because that's the best they can get. And they're trying to make it. And suddenly, norm of the God damn North, who's the son of royalty, his dad is the king of the,

or his grandfather is the king of the North, he just swans in with his white bear privilege and just plucks that job, you know why? Cause he has the right connections and because he has the confidence that comes with always being top of the heap King of the hill a number north Norm of the norm

Norm York That's all on my that's all on my new album, my, my way. Elliott Mangles, so that you're right. I've got you inside my hair. I've got you deep in the hair of mine. So deep in my hair that you really should get out of my hair. Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh. I've got you trapped in my room. That's a high.

Oh, that's pie. What song is that? That's life. Okay. Luck be some gravy tonight. Just chunky gravy tonight. Luck if you've ever been an economist who begin with. Luck be some gravy tonight. Look, if you've ever been an economist who begin with,

look, be some gravy tonight. Gravy's not the same as ketchup. It isn't mustard or mayonnaise. Gravy's a thing that you put on Turkey and meatloaf and other things like that, but don't put gravy on a burger. Don't put gravy on mac and cheese, although maybe. It's kind of like this kind of routine.

Just be with french fries and stuff like that. It's like a gravy burger sounds pretty good. Forget what I said, just put the gravy on whatever. Let me some gravy. Let me some gravy. Let me some gravy. Let me some gravy on. I kind of have to because you guys are not,

keeping you not holding up your end of the bar. I'm sorry. I'm up with my way, parody. What are you guys? Are you guys my step brothers at my dad's second wedding? Because you're not holding up your end of the hoopa. Anyway, it's an inside joke for my brother, I guess. Yeah.

Anyway, norms there. He gets the part. He can jong the boss goes from hating him to loving him to hating him back and forth constantly. It gets revealed that his grandpa was kidnapped by the evil boss and has been kept in a basement. Reasons, I guess, is there for reasons that we... I guess because he was going to stand in the way of the housing project. Yeah. The polar council on the... Maybe captured the former King of the North in order to destabilize the region hoping that there'd be infighting between like...

The wildland. His brother and his and Norm's dad. It just feels like one of these things where the screenwriter was like, it's not enough that Norm has to save his entire way of life. His grandfather also has to have been kidnapped by the exact same guy. To make it personal. Yeah. To make it pretty much like how Sandman had to be

the guy who killed Uncle Ben. Where all Spider-Man 3 would have not been a good movie. Yeah, you make it point. Luckily, Spider-Man 3 is amazing. Luckily, it's the greatest movie ever made. Not even just the greatest superhero movie ever. Oh, wow. The greatest movie ever made.

Sorry, the red shoes. Yep. Yeah, Laurence and Arabia, made. Sorry the red shoes. Yep. Yeah, Laurence and Arabia, you're not the only sandman in town. Yeah. There's a new sandman on the floor, Laurence. And his name is Kane Marco. No wait a second. That's, Kane Marco is the juggernaut, Flint Marco.

Yeah. Is the sandman. Are they brothers? They are not. Kane Marco is Professor X's half brother though. One, okay. Or step brother, step brother. Like in the movie, step brothers,

which is about Professor X and the juggernaut. There's this surprising percentage of people named Marco considering that Marco is a very uncommon name in normal life. I mean, I know you work with someone named Marco. Yeah, but not as a last name. That's a good, you know what? You make an amazing point, right what you make an amazing point. You're right. Yeah, you make an amazing point

Let me drop my let me drop my argument because you're right Oh boy, where are we talking about so anyway? He has to save his grandpa the lemmings help him break into stuff Meanwhile Ken Jeong he needs the approval of the polar council Which is a mean old lady who looks kind of like cookie Robert So who tells him you need to get 85% of public approval before I can give you the permits to build these Frank Garry houses. I have some real life.

In the Arctic. As in real life, if you want to build anything in the Arctic, you have to get the approval of the polar council, which is an organization we're all familiar with. And they make their decisions as we all know. Oh, is that right? And you can't gloss over it because, you know,

you can't underestimate kids' knowledge of polar politics. That's right. Kids would know, hey, the North Pole is technically international territory monitored by the polar council. Yeah, they couldn't connect to the source material. They would also understand that in the bylaws of the polar council, permits are based entirely on public approval for the mascot of a company.

And so using his meter device on his phone It's based entirely on public approval for the mascot of a company. And so using his meter device on his phone that measures happy faces, Ken Jong, the boss has to get 85% approval of norms antics or else this deal is a no-go in the North. Well, Ken Jong, even his character, Mr. Green, confronts norm in a rooftop sushi parlor with a tranquilizer gun and norm avoids being shot with a tranquilizer and defeats Ken Jong and you're like, okay, I guess he's gonna kill him now He doesn't kill him. He honorably allows his his opponent to survive That gets captured on phones telephones, you know viral, much like the end of Chronicle.

Yep, and that, he becomes this instant celebrity, overnight success. Yeah. And that's what Ken Jong is trying to build off of. Right, so ride the coattails or the bear tails of norms. Yeah, I think it's bear tails. Now, nobody puts two and two together that the guy who's ultimately profiting

from norm of popularity is the guy who's trying to kill norm and ended up with a prank dart in the butt for his efforts. I want to back up and just talk a little bit about this guy. Yeah, back it up. Back that stuff up too. Yeah, come on. Back up, bear up. No, I want to talk a little bit about Mr. Green's plan.

Okay, because. Because. But, you know, all right. Well, just the fact that there are houses in the Arctic, dude, it makes perfect sense. There are actual, beautiful, beautiful up there. There are actual threats to the Arctic. You know, from man-made threats, from global warming, the threat is not that people want to buy condos up there.

Yeah, the threat is that there will be too much residential housing and not enough commercial space. Exactly. Like Jane Jacobs said, mixed use is what brings life to an urban neighborhood. Like the screenwriter of this watched a back-to-back showcase of like the Keeney Car Wash, Poltergeist, and...

And the killer whale. Electric Buggler, and thought, okay, the only bad guys in the world are land developers. We gotta make it land developers. There's a very 80s thing that it's like condos are the villain. Yeah. And that the plan is the bad thing is condos. They're also just houses too.

I think they're called condos at times, but they're just houses. Yeah. Anyway, these are not shared buildings. The fact that they're trying to develop the Arctic in a... Yeah, they're just trying to put housing up there is weird. I mean, the plan is literally to put like 10 houses up there without grocery stores or anything. Yeah. Anything you're going to have to mail or everything, it's going to have to be sent by either

big freighters and other companies. I mean, you don't need to go for groceries, you'll just, I don't know, kill like a, like a seal, just club up some seals, club up some seals, like a club sandwich out of it. Oh, is that what you would say when you're killing the seals Shine them on like yeah, you get it you get seals Let's make a club sandwich Yeah, this feels like that's awesome Terminator. Yeah The seals like I'm dying, but I appreciate that you went to the trouble of the pun of eating a pun

that went to the trouble. Yeah, of the pun, of eating a pun. So Norm does the plan, and the daughter of Heather Graham catches on to this plan instantly. You're going to get as popular as possible. And then when people really love you, when they're worshiping you and they'll do anything you say, you're going to turn on Mr. Green and talk about how you shouldn't build house in the north. And the plan is working beautifully. And we love them because he's a dancing bear.

All of New York people are just stopping what they're doing and dancing. The city shuts down. It's a state of emergency. The National Guard gets called in, but they're dancing. The Army gets called in. They're dancing. Terrorist attack. They're dancing.

Nobody cares. It's all dancing. It's like almost some kind of subliminal mind control that when you see this bear awkwardly gesticulating and flopping around. Shaking ass, but this belly, what did he call his dance? He had a name for his dance shake. A Arctic shake. I thought it was the Arctic shuffle.

Oh boy. Oh no. Listeners watch Norm North and write into us until it's now. We got to watch it all over again. No, for the first time. She made the face. Now, Ellie, you made a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you made a good point. Who would candy? Yay.

Yeah, oh, I did. Thank you. You made a good point when you, Mr. Green's plan was basically failing already. Oh, right. He didn't have enough approval to put these houses up. All normated to do, that norm is the Indiana Jones in this movie.

Yeah. All he needed to do was nothing. And the bad guy, just like Indiana Jones, he just had to eat the villain and everything would have been fucked up. And much like as in Raiders, Indy does not need to be there because when Indy fails, and physically devoured Bellix body.

But Norm never eats anybody. He has that power, sure, but he doesn't. Yeah, that's his mutant power. Is he like Kirby? It's his mutant power. Yeah, he's like Kirby. It's the mutant power that all bears have, I'm being able to eat people. If he never went to the North, it's not like one of these guys in a bear suit was going to be good enough to sell this plant.

There's, when you see the other ad, it didn't work in Grizzly, man. Look, you think one of these guys is just going to stick their hands in some bear poop, say this was inside her and then sell a bunch of houses? I don't think so. When the other actors have joined to audition, Heather Graham on set and she goes, I want to see bears. Show me bears. And there's one guy who's just looking at the camera going, bear, bear, it's very creepy. It's super creepy and way too sexual. That's the kind of,

that would never get people's approval. The bear norm would just not allow, just not go there and the plan would not happen. But he's got to save his grandpa. Let's say that. He has to do it because his grandpa's kidnapped. All right, yeah. Let's cut to the chase.

He's firted action by his grandpa. Let's cut to the chase. He makes, he becomes the hit of the world. He's the biggest star. Look at me on the king of New York. And he's a bear wearing clothes. Let's cut to the chase. He makes, he becomes the head of the world. He's the biggest star. Look at me. I'm the king of New York. And he's a bear wearing clothes. That's crazy.

And he's at a gym. So what I'm trying to figure out is, do most people assume he's a bear or a man and a bear suit? I think he assume he's a man and a bear suit because, as in horror movies, in the movies, costume technology is much better than in real life. Okay.

And there's so many more things. So when you're watching space invaders and everyone's like great Halloween costumes and you're like, that's fucking insane. There's no way. Those are aliens. There's no way in off the shelf or even homemade Halloween costume

would have motor controls in the face that detailed. I didn't thought a space invaders the whole time. There's, that's one of those movies where, I think I watched. We're an alien where it's Letterman jacket, yeah. Yeah. One of those movies. What about that one?

Alien where it's letter. Most movies I watched I think three times as a kid and I remember in so much more detail than I remember. Any movies I saw in the past three weeks. Yeah. But any who, so he's at an off-brand generic version of Rockefeller Center's Ice Gating Ring. And he's about to make his big announcement.

He does a dance and he goes, Hey, I'm from the Arctic and I've got to tell you something to protect my homeland. And it's, Ken Jong cuts the feed and throws in something he's patched together for Norm's other statement saying, I support Green Houses in the Arctic. Go move there, chumps, buy these houses and give money to my boss. I'm a bear, not just a guy in a suit, kidding. Anyway, burger mushroom. He had extra words he had to use.

At that point, norm should be thing is lucky stars. The North Star that he didn't get the fist of the North Star, if you will. Yeah, exactly. That he didn't receive like an assassin's bullet and have to become a martyr to the cause of green houses. Yeah. But instead he goes on the run, he freezes grandfather. Because that's a thing. Once you hit a certain level of popularity, like he's reached the only, the only,

you have the only option is death. Married him. Look, because that, here's the thing. You get that 100%. You need to be, you need to be, you need to live on as an idea, or as an actual person. Because an idea can never disappoint.

Yeah. But a flesh and blood human or in this case, bear. Uh huh. Always will eventually, because we have flaws. And that's what makes us human or in this case, a bear. Yep. And so if he's going to inspire,

you're right, he must become that abstract ideal instead of being just, again, a flawed human or in this case. Yeah. So he goes on the run, he saves this grandpa. They have a chase scene on the Brooklyn Bridge with a running against traffic for some reason. Yeah. The one thing that actually looks like something in New York, they do the Brooklyn Bridge, okay.

They almost drown, then they get on the boat that's going to take the model houses to North Pole. They almost drown again. After in a storm, they let loose all the houses and sink them in the water. They get back to the North Pole. Everything's okay. The Mr. Green's plans have failed and Norm also gave the evidence that he was going to bribe the polar council to his investors who have released it to the police. And so he's in trouble. That the movie punishes him by suspending him by his ponytail over

the sewers, which would hurt a lot. And then he would have the lower part of his body divided by chuds. And norm is named king of the north. He's king in the north now, you know, to protect us from the wildlings. A king in the north. And he becomes the polar great king. He doesn't even have to pull a golden compass and swipe some other bear's jaw bones off in a fight with a Panzer Bjorn.

Instead, he's the king, the lady bear who has no personality, whose head is massively shaped different than his crazy dude. Three kids with her and he gives a reference to Heather Graham, so she can get a new job. So it's all wrapped up neat and tiny. And a tight little polar bow. So and his father abdigates the throne so he can be king of the North. I don't know if his father was ever really king. Oh, so he's like a senishol? I think he was like acting regent for the master's grandfather.

Yeah, a steward Wellington. Yep, that's me old dinner though or Wellington. So here's the thing about this movie, final judgment stood at a dunksh. Anyway, so. Wow, you Denna, though, or Wellington. So here's the thing about this movie, Final Judgment, Stuttardunk, anyway. So, wow, you're taking over all of my parts. Oh, sorry, Dan, well, I didn't know you. What do we do, man? Do you want to talk about your stuff? You want to talk about that scene where Norm says,

hey, let's go investigate that shelf that smells like grandpa. Or there was a part store, Dan and I were talking, so I missed it. Or was it you, Dan, there's time out? It was the scene where, this is scene where he's about to come out and give his big speech. He's like, I'm at maximum approval rating,

and they're gonna have him do some dance on a nice thing. I'm having maximum fun. Yeah, maximum fun, our network, this movie is partially sponsored by Jesse Thorn. And the, and Norm comes out from behind a dressing screen that they've set up on the ice for some reason. He could change his clothes. Yeah, exactly.

So there's the first time that we see Norm in clothes and he's wearing, it looks like a disco. Yeah, it's like a semi-fever. It's like a semi-fever. It's like a semi-fever. Yeah, semi-fever. So not like fevers is what I think. When that semi-fever tour through that semi- a life cast. Oh boy. Oh so many deaths

Well, if they weren't having sex with each other, they wouldn't keep catching it Yeah, they were sharing the same cocaine straws was back in the 70s. Yeah, yeah And that's the way stuff spreads right through cocaine straws. Yeah, it was all every when you're using cocaine every straws a crazy straw So it's like a discarded George Carlisle joke He thought of it briefly was like yeah, that's no good. It threw it away So he comes up from behind the screen Like wait he balls up the joke and goes in the trash then he goes back to combing his ponytail the joke and those in the trash, then he goes back to combing his ponytail.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he's got to let it loose. He slaps his head. He's like, Carlin, come on. Yep. What are you doing? Get it in a program. Yep.

Wow, that's a dead-on impression. I like it. He, so, Norm comes out from mind the screen after he's, they require, have a ram scared from the question. Come out, Norm. And he steps out from mind screen and we get a nice

uh... ugl at this outfitting wearing he says i think i just did which is i'm guessing uh... comment on him thinking that he looks like uh... somebody's come out of the closet seems like a gay joke there's a number there's a too many jo this is the thing we talked about on the podcast work i don't like kids movies with jokes that are just for the adults and about things that kids should not have to be worrying about like when a bear is gonna come out

and how society is gonna handle that. Or like there's a scene where the director of the commercial about the Green Homes is like, see, the helicopter goes, oh, creative notes from the executives, I won't have it, I'm a genius. And it's like, don't put any jokes in your kids movie about like the Hollywood notes process.

I also don't need to see a scene in a movie where three limits are peeing in a fish tank. And you see the pee. And you see the stream of pee. See the pee sounds like do the do. Or it's like, there's some, there's a new Damon Lindelof show about mysterious urine that maybe ghost

aliens and the at the end of all the commercials that don't quite tell you what the shows about the end to go see the page. And that's the slogan on the billboards. It's like a little girl whispering here. Yeah, exactly. But P is backwards or something. Save the P kill your bladder. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it is, there are a fair amount of fart joke. There's actually fewer fart jokes than I expected. That's true. And I like, here's the thing. I like a good fart joke. I hate a bad fart joke.

Uh-huh. So, is it based on volume of the fart or? It's the based timing, context, quality of of the fart sound the face that Kevin James is making There's almost no faces. He can make that aren't funny He was unfortunately born with a disappearing syndrome called funny face They made a movie about a lot of it It was the Fug of Dictates it was the originator it was the the it was the ancestor of the movie mask was funny face

Starring Audrey Hepburn about a woman whose face is disfigured by being hilariously funny. Mask was hilarious. So, not that I just lying bad laughing thinking about it. When that disfigured kid goes, somebody stop me. Smoking. So, this movie, yeah, final judgments. Did it do not a very good movie. No, I will say this animation quality better than expected story quality not good. I you know, I for the first you know,

it disagree with me, Dan. For the first I think I make a pretty good case. For the first like half or two-thirds of this movie even like I thought maybe it was a good bad movie. There was a lot of stuff that I really liked about it, like just the baffling. The plot is baffling. The fact that he has to stop condos from being developed by a hippie who has a polar council meter that tells what people are thinking about his plan. And he has to become the face of the organization to build it up to tear it down. Like, this is a children's movie that we're talking about.

It does seem overly complicated. It's over the complicated and it's all based on corporate espionage. There's also two scenes where norm is on the brink of death by drowning. Yeah. And at the end, it's made very clear that he fucked that other polar bear because they have three kids.

Yeah, yeah, like, come on, movie. You don't have to show us that to prove that Norm fucks. Just look at him. What you know, dude. It's totally obvious from the moment you see him that he just fucks, man. man come on this bear is a freak You can't stop him. Yeah, he's you don't get that confident without fucking everyone's in a while That Jackhammer bell this he's carrying around yeah anyway, so you're saying down. Yeah

It's stuff I like to know I also like how I like how the movie kept saying the title, like the woman kept introducing the bear as, it's Norm of the North. Norm of the North, everybody. And I'm like, someone sees them in a park, and she goes, Norm of the North, you're the king or something like that.

Yeah, and you're like, I didn't know you understood the, the, the, the monarchy situation in the, in the Arctic, I guess. But it gets boring by the end. By the end, I was like many films checking the old phone for tweets and just looking for that. Just looking for that next rush, you know? Yeah. The next premium rush. That would be great. I'd much rather be watching premium rush. Oh, Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon. Michael Shannon came back at premium rush too. They brought back Michael Shannon. Yeah. Michael Shannon came back at Premium Rush too.

That's some kind of the crow character. Uh, that's what I was. What if there was a movie called, uh, you know, like the Legion of Shannon's and it's Michael Shannon from all of his movies, Premium Rush, Man of Steel, Bug, my son, my son, what have you done, revolutionary road, uh, Iceman, what are the movies that Michael Shannon made? I was walking past a stoop sale recently

and one of the DVDs on sale was bug. And I'm like, I'm sick. I was like, I like bug. I thought bug was a good movie. It would never cross my mind to get a DVD. I was like, I gotta get this for home viewing. I'm gonna re-watch this year after year. Look, I stay in a lot of Airbnb's

because it's easier to stay in them than hotels when you have a small child. One of my favorite things is looking at people's DVD collections and being like, why did you own this? Why are you, what's you really going to watch in an anime fee that many times? Like, why do you have it?

Why do you own a copy of Luku's talking now? It's like visiting an old person's house and seeing their like weirdly small VHS collection that has a few very specific titles. If you like. I mean, I understand why you have cocoon here, but I don't know. Chawanna ma'am, really?

I guess you must love basketball because you're an old person. Yeah. Batteries not included, okay. Yeah, I mean, old people, yeah. Coc. Yeah. Batteries not included? Okay. Yeah, I mean, old people, yeah, yeah. Could tune batteries not included. These are movies where old people become relevant.

I only like to watch movies about old people. The world's fastest Indian, best exotic Marigold hotel. Second best exotic Marigold hotel. Go on, there's probably more. When the wind blows. I feel bad for dogs. I feel bad for all those other exotic Mary Goode hotels. Always knowing that I can be the best exotic Mary Goode hotel. Yeah, I think we might have done that joke before.

Maybe not. Anyway, final judgment. I think that's a joke I kept trying to get into the daily show. Actually, I think that's what you heard it. Maybe that's it. Maybe I read it one of your past. Yeah, you be playing tively in the corner suggesting that joke over and over. John, what about the best anxiety met?

No. But it's the second best. But maybe Trevor. Guys, if you hear a exotic Marigold, I'll show a joke on the Daily Show. You'll know exactly where it came from now. I'll be impressed when you get a best exotic neutral milk hotel joke on the show. So Elliot's as bad bad dance is good great.

Am I say bad bad? So the bad bads have it. I wish it was good bad, but it's not bad enough to be good bad in a weird way. It doesn't like as much as we have a character design of female characters that have giant asses. It doesn't compare to the madness of proportion that is guardian of the Highlands or Billy,

where every woman is this like crazy balancing act of giant breasts and strange faces. And he might as well have called it guardian of future back pain. Sure. It was the Russ Meyer animated film. Oh, imagine that would be a crazy movie. Yeah.

Oh, boy. OK, so we gave some final, wait, you're talking about Alph? No, I was going to say Ralph. Russ Meyer's Alph was weird. Ralph Baxchie should take one of Russ Meyer's old scripts and animated. Yeah, I stay relevant with the teen today. We love Russ Meyers.

Hey guys, this is Adam Connover. You may know me from my true TV show, Adam Ruins Everything. Well, guess what? Now we're doing a podcast version right here on Maximum Fun. What we do is, we take all the interesting fascinating experts that we talk to for just a couple minutes on the show, and we sit with them for an entire podcast, really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work. Find Adam Ruins Everything Wherever You Get Your Podcasts or at MaximumFun.org.

Now is the time where I have to pay the piper. Oh boy. Doing the piper's. He's hungry man. He's not hungry. He's not hungry man. He's not hungry man. He's not hungry man. He's not hungry man. He's not hungry man. He's a hungry man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man.

He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man.

He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man.

He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He's a lot better than boss man. He named a worse character. Oh, man, that's gonna be tough. Even Jar Jar is better than boss man. What about Dex, the guy who runs the... What about Dex? The guy who runs the...

Slaver. What's one? The one who owns Anakin. The Flot Flot Flotty. Oh, Wato? Wato, I want to know. The toy Dorian? Yeah.

Wato's thing. The thing is, just shut my mind, Drake Drake still work on him because of his race. Look, just he is a racist caricature, sure. But every racist character is a little bit of truth to the right. You know what I'm saying? Just kidding. Anyway, he's a bad character, but boss NASA is the worst of the worst. And I like the character who's a space mummy, Dengar. Yeah. Who's just an old man with dirty toilet paper

wrap around his head. Yeah, who's like Han Solo stole from my tomb. In one of those Star Wars comic strips, I guess. Yeah. And how Williamson did. But tonight the flop house is brought to you in part by Blue Apron. It's a great service. It delivers you fresh ingredients to your home so you can make your own meals less than $10 per meal.

Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals. We've all had good experiences. Yeah, we all like cooking at home, right Dan? I certainly do. L.A., you're cooking for what? You and your wife heard me and my unborn child who lives in my belly.

Oh wow. His name is Gorgor. It is a demon. No, nice. No, yeah. I find myself doing more cooking than I ever have before. And it would be, and it is such a help when I don't have to measure stuff.

And that's the great thing about Blue Aprons. They send it all to you measured already. Because normally when you go to the grocery store, you just buy huge boxes of everything. And like sugar, I'll take two bags please. Well, I go to, I don't even go to Costco or Price Club. I go to Gimma Lot, which is where you say, Gimma Lot of that stuff.

And you have to buy at least 300 pounds of every item. Oh wow. That's way too much, unless you're cooking for a polar bear, like say, Norm of the North, who would eat probably, I don't know what, a thousand pounds of salmon a day. Blue Apron, they give you everything

measured out for humans, so that you don't have to do that kind of work. And also, like you say, the ingredients are fresh, the recipes are right there. You don't have to figure out what you're gonna cook, they make that decision for you. And also, like you say, the ingredients are fresh, the recipes are right there. You don't have to figure out what you're gonna cook. They make that decision for you. And they kinda teach you how to cook, right?

Because really, the best vacation is a vacation from choice. And having someone else make decisions for you. Yeah, yeah. But it's a great, especially, I mentioned this last time we talked about it a little bit. Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Bl-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Blu-Bl-Blu-Blu-Blu-Aprin, if you know somebody is gonna be a situation where they're not gonna be able to cook for themselves Maybe they're having a baby. Maybe they're convalescing. Maybe they're Taking care of somebody else. Blu-Aprin is a great way to get them a gift that helps make their life a little easier And I'm allergic to a lot of things including homework Does Blu-Aprin accommodate that Dan? I hope so I don't know

Stuart this is like you're a cowboy or you never have told you don't know the answer to We've been over this your ad living is harming our Ed living yeah anyway blueprints are really good service here's a here's the food tastes good They send it to you and they teach you how to go get by telling you got a cold action on that piece I just want to first I just hear some of the meals available in June. June, you got crispy, or sorry, creamy, shrimp. That's very different. That's very different.

Crispy and creamy are very different textures, Dan. Read more like a waiter. That's not sweet stuff. Read more like a, like a friend's waiter, Dan. Yeah, like you're telling us the specials. There is a creamy shrimp fettuccini with sauteed green beans and spinach. Now let me ask you, I heard you had a crispy shrimp dish.

Is that the case? Oh, that was the former waiter here was an idiot. We had stupid tongue. We had to fire him. Oh, that's too bad on the spot. We have sweet chili chicken with tinkerbell peppers, green beans and jasmine rice. So that's real fairy blood in it, the tinkerbells. And spiced steak and tomato avocado salad with creamy

cone cabbage and red onion slaw. Now I don't know what creamy cone cabbages but it sounds delicious. I can't wait to find out. Oh wow, yeah, yeah. So Dan, tell that waiter that we want to order the third one. Okay. No, no, one of everything. Come on. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So Dan, tell that waiter that we want to order the third one. Okay. No, no, one of everything. Come on. Oh, yeah, I guess we'll have one next fan. Yeah. Yeah. Three orange whips. But check out this week's menu.

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When me and the lady, or, you know, if it was, well, it might be a saladie. Let's say go be in the North or in the corner. Yeah, exactly. When it's gonna be a special night, I like throwing on my Mac Weldon's first. One, they're comfortable. Two, they look great. Let's just get this straight. Mac Weldon is first. One, they're comfortable. Two, they look great.

Let's just get this straight. Mac Weldon is better than whatever you're wearing right now, except for me, because I'm wearing Mac Weldon's stuff right now. Dan, you probably feel and look like crap, because you're not wearing Mac Weldon, right? That's right. My groin is feels like a pen head from the HellRacer movies right now.

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But you don't want lower polymer wrapped in plastic. She's dead. Mack Weldon will be the most comfortable underwear socks shirts, undershirts, hoodies and sweatpants. You will ever wear. I totally believe this. They have a line of silver underwear and shirts that are naturally antimicrobial. I have a pair of the silver underwear. Very comfortable. Doesn't smell. And it feels like it feels like I have the silver surface crotch and who wouldn't want that. Yeah, yeah. And that feels like when, it feels like I have the silver surface crotch and who wouldn't want that. Yeah, yeah, and that's what you would wear when you and your significant other have a date night.

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How prejudice could so beautifully counterbalance with grace. And she is so significant. But there's something magical about humans. That's why I prevented Galactus from devouring the planet. Exactly. And now I'm trapped here, unfortunately, by a space barrier that Galactus, my former master put in place. And I want nothing more than to go back to my home world and be with Chalabal, my beloved.

But that's not in the cards right now. So Alicia Masterson has sculpted me, but she's blind. So she kind of has to feel me first and one thing leads to another and let's just say Feel like I'm reading is like online dating bio Let's just say I'll be stiff as a board Surfort that is I'll be it's hilarious. I'm really excited later on right listen to this episode to hear what the hell you were talking about Because I zoned out halfway through well Well, just go to the Wikipedia entry for Silver Surfer, Fantasy Sex role play.

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Game of Thrones Star Trek and Battle Star to collectica and want to know up to thirds of those things yeah why not and interrupt Star to Galactica. And want to know up to the third of those things. Yeah, why not? And don't interrupt the jumbo trunks. Do you guys want to know about the real world politics behind these otherworldly realms? Well, otherworldly politics is the new book for you. What would Mr. Spock do about Vladimir Putin?

Who would make a better president? Daenerys Targaryen or Tyrion Lannister? I think that answers pretty clear, guys. It's Tyrion Lannister. If you look at there, you guys are you guys agree with me? Yeah, if you look at their policies and track record clearly, I mean, we have a staunch progressive in the form of Daenerys Targaryen, but Tyrion Lannister, I think she delivered. That's the thing. She can't deliver. You're just in a situation I'm just gonna roll with you. Yeah.

The economy collapses, we're in a recession. We need the president to do something. Oh no, she just got on a dragon and flew the fuck to who knows where. Yeah, who knows where. She's getting her dothraggy minions together for what? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

We need more funding for plan parented. Does this dragon blowing fire on stuff help? No, it does not help at all. And clearly, Tyrion Lannister is his policy of the horse Penny or the dwarfs Penny, where he was taxing people using prostitutes and King's Landing, though not preferred by the people taking making use of those services. Cut, cut down on the deficit. So anyway, let's continue. But you're advertising a book that you're now. Yeah, give me the answers away. You can find all this information out in otherworldly politics.

So why don't you go buy otherworldly politics, the international relations of Star Trek Game of Thrones and Battlestar Galactica on Amazon and all other good booksellers. All right. Check it out. But move me on to letters from listeners. Show's not over yet. That's it.

I'm on the myth. So Norm of the North, he was a man or a bear. What's the difference really? Yeah. So we asked last week for people to write in with goofy scenes from otherwise good films. Yeah, seems like let's say you're watching a goofy movie and goofy shows up. Well, you're watching the goofy movie

and suddenly goofy's grandmother starts talking about the Holocaust and her experiences really brought the room down. Yeah, so we're gonna, I'm gonna read a few of these answers. One person wrote in to say, I want to put forth one from the 2013 movie The Counselor. I don't know if I can say it's a good movie per se, but it has at least a very dramatic, it is at least a very dramatic movie that has one absurdly odd sequence wherein Camindia's leaps on top of a car and

grinds her naked crouch against the windshield whilst a happy arbar deem watches from inside. And he describes, he's talking about it, he describes it as seeing like an octopus up against the glass of a fish tank, right? I watched that movie, I may have blocked that line out, but yeah, that was a goopy scene. I liked it though. I don't like the elements of a dancing. Dancing. Uh, I submit the pinnacle moment. Dancing, dancing, dancing, dancing. He's a dancer machine. This one says, I submit the pinnacle moment of Spike Lee's uvra, the scene in Summer of Sam,

where David Berkowitz played by Michael Bad, a lucho, who I'm sure Elliott has seen in a play. I think so, yeah. It is tormented by the barking of his neighbor's dog when Oliver Sutton, the dog appears in the room with him and speaks through the magic of CGI and the voice of John Tutoro, the mortar line. I want you to go out and kill, kill. Kill. This is the only scene of David Berkowitz actually in the film. I'm not sure what Mr. Lee was going for. Well, I don't

know if that's good. I mean, that is part of the happened. Well, it's part of the legend son of Sam built for himself. Like, he was not that kind of crazy, but he told people that he didn't happen in the real world. No, but he did claim that a dog told him to kill. But he was not, he didn't really believe that himself. So like, I get why Spike Lee would put that in because it's a colorful moment of semi-real history. He was the kind of crazy. He got a sexual release from killing people. Now having John Tattura's voice might be goofy.

I don't know. But it's a Spike Lee movie. John Tattura's got to show up at some point. It's in his contract. Now, what would be a less goofy or more goofy voice. Well, goofy would be a more goofy voice, actually. Go out and kill. Gorsh.

But it's not too far from David and Goliath, right? I guess that, yeah. I mean, that Goliath was what a talking dog. Yeah, they killed David. If they had that actor who they always spoof on the sepsons, the one who's like, hello. Oh, what?

That'd be a baby voice. Frank Nelson. Yeah, man. That's who that is from the Jack Manning Show. Yeah. Did you check me? Yes. Yeah.

I think that was it. So less goofy would be what? Christopher Walken. Yeah, he sounds like a dog who tells people to kill. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's probably a long one. And also that's a big name. You can put that on the poster and people go see it.

Yeah, feature-like Chris Walken. I can't wait to see Chris Walken. The last answer we got from this, until recently I have been living and working in Tokyo for several years, trying to keep up with Western TV and movies the best I could. When David Bowie passed away, a small art theater launched a retrospective of his films, including Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence. Oh, yeah, I just saw that not too long, though. I'd always been to see it.

Well, it was last year, I guess. And I figured I should take advantage of the occasion to see it on the big screen. The film was essentially one big long tale of fraught, homerotic tension, and gay panic. With a lot of the conflict, out of young japanese captain played by composer raiuchi sacamoto trying to deal with how badly he has the hot spritabid boi have a little bit there what made this weird is that i actually went to school with sacamoto son and

watching the father of someone you know even only passing act out repressed sexual urges in very happy about the same repressed sexual urchins. Come on, bud. It's paper for me, pal. I'm dealing with issues. There's a part of me that I feel like I can't get that out in public. The only issues I'm dealing with aren't just newspapers. Extra, extra.

I'm afraid to admit myself to myself. I'm not going to say that sentence. Not to joke about it. It's nonsense now. At the climax of this film, which grows increasingly strange as it progresses, David Bowie planted it. Well, I don't know about that. Plants a big angry kiss on the captain's face, who then

falls to his knees and horror, and a man are not dissimilar to Charlton Heston at the end of Planet of the Apes. Spoiler alert. It was overacting at its best, and the theater was silent, except for the sound of me and the young man next to me Wee's laughing like horrible Philistines So for the sounds of me and the next to me violently masturbating each other

I And within the context of that film I think that scene is not crazy. Yeah, it's kind of what the movie's building up to but hey I get it. That's not a movie It's kind of what the movie's building up to. But hey, I get it. That's not a movie that's on everybody's wavelength. Yeah. Great soundtrack. But I just wanted to... Is that a completely out of play scene

or it's just a scene that's like overly dramatic? It's a male, it's a very, oh, it's a very over-the-top scene, but it's not like... Like the sort of thing that might show up in like a David Lynch movie, basically. Not that weird, because it's not like the content is strange or unexpected. It's more that like his reaction is so intense. Okay. It's not like an overly arched performance in a otherwise straight lace movie.

Not, no, not exactly. Okay. Uh, but anyway, I just wanted to read some of the, um, the reactions. No, I like that. It's like in, uh, comic books when we live like a contest in the letters pages and people write in. We should do more of that. Dan, let's ask the listeners to send in something specific this time too.

If you guys have any sex fantasies involving Marvel Comics characters, send them in. Oh no, the owl is going to show up. Doom's down in the owl, going to show up. Doomstone and the owl are hanging out. So I have this thing where demon, Doomstone and the owl are all together and Mysterio is watching. This letter, the spot Pete shows up and the white stuff is pop. Excuse me, the trapster. He has to pay spot Pete for a long time.

This letter is not pasted in his spot this time. It's from Brett. Brett, last name with hell, who writes, thank you, not only for those things. The most insightful and hilarious bad movie podcast on the internet, but also resolving a mystery that has plagued my dreams and nightmares for several years. And about 2012, I was walking by the Clinton Park Cafe across the street from the campus of the Pratt Institute

in Clinton Hill, Brooklyn. Cool. I just wait checks out. I discovered on this occasion a cardboard box of VHS tapes, ever the curious collector of other people's garbage. I examined the box's contents only to discover that I'd hit the jackpot.

Here you will find a full inventory of the box's contents in no particular order. Andy Warhol presented to us, Dallas Andro and Holly Woodlawn in trash beyond the Valley of the Dolls. Pink flamingos. Catgirl, bloodthirsty tale of a pretty girl with claws. David Friedman's Roadshow rarity is volume one, teaser Rama. Don't torture a duckling, German language version. Frank Hinlauter, sexy shocker, triple X hardcore horrors volume seven, sacrilege slash sexual

satanic awareness. Hammond Tommy Lee, hardcore and uncensored. Video Drome. Whoa, whoa, hold on a second. You're not a respectable film. Prisoners of paradise, teenage cat girls of heat. The adventures of Ratfankaboo, signed. Well, seriously, by Cash Flag, Ray Dennis Dekler.

I guess so. The devil and mischones, the incredibly strange preachers who stopped living and became mixed up zombies. Another Ray Dennis Deckler classic. And wild at heart. Obviously. That's like, wow. This is the only company in which video drone wild at heart

in Pink Flamingos are like the mainstream picks. Obviously, I took the box home. However, I couldn't help but wonder who had left behind such a finely curated collection. I'm gonna say elderly gay man. 80s old cinema and top shelf pornography. It is scrambled anthology films archive volunteer. The couple who've been masturbating

the seats in front of me in the full runtime of midnight show of Alien at IFC the year before. We was. So few clues. I was left to assume that I have seen the year before. Wait, what? So few clues. I was left to assume that I had simply stumbled upon the post-gentrification Brooklyn equivalent of a soggy stack of hustlers stashed in the woods. However, now that I've discovered the flop house, the identity of the tape's original owner becomes all too clear.

It could be none other than our own Purvisoid No. 1 Dan McCoy, or possibly Stuart. Of course, this begs the question. Why would Dan have taken a 22-minute separate ride to simply discard his prize VHS collection? Actually, at that time, I would have been living in Clinton Hill, not far from there. That's true. Actually, the story really matches up.

The story is clear. As we all know, Dan's true perversion is his deitiesness. The taudry and shameful manner in which he patheticly attempts to conceal his seething sexual menace. Of course, Dan would be too ashamed to leave such a box on his ownities this. The taudary and shameful manner in which he hypothetically attempts to conceal his ceiling sexual menace, of course Dan would be too ashamed to leave such a box on his own stoop. And yet he would feel such a deep affection for his stag swag that he would be unable to simply throw it all away. It's not really swag. That's the least of the box can speak you as a place no one would ever connect it to him personally. Well Dan

I'm sorry to unmask you so thoroughly on your own podcast, but I need you to be having to know that your precious babies is a found at good home buried under AV cables in my childhood bedroom concealed so that my mom doesn't assume that her son has a fetish for lovingly preserved VHS smud. Yes. Which appears to be the truth though. Yeah, also thank you to Elliot for the box of American cinematographer magazines from 1993 left outside his Park Slope apartment in 2012.

Very possible, very possible. I didn't, but that is, I did. That is the era when I had a subscription. Yeah, he picked up like a box stuff to the gills with a little white door from magazines that would have been from me. Also, seeming encrusted. Yeah, I did walk by, once I was walking to work,

this is in Park Slope Brooklyn. Sure. And there was just a box box an open box of porno tapes sitting next to a garb a public Orange can Wow, and I was like that's weird at a this and I didn't go too close to it But there was if I was a teenager I would have thought it might have been like a honeypot Somebody pulls a stake out in the box falls on me and L. We're funs eating me for dinner. Stick on an apple on your mouth. That is quite a story. There was a time when I used to go through

boxes of VHS tapes on the screen. Yeah, when you were a hobo. When I was a hobo and I ate them. But there was a time when like, if I found a box of home VHS tapes, like not factory released movies, but like Video tapes with stuff written on the labels. I would pick those up in an instance You never know what movies Well, like home but like if there was something I thought I remember I found a box once with on the labels

It was just old episodes of a letterman and I was like this is perfect great But most of the tapes were in like really bad condition Yeah, but it was like you never know what you're gonna find and that was in the pre-YouTube days, you know I remember when I lived in Minneapolis, my roommate, Jonas Walker, bought a refiner. May never. And we found in the cushions an envelope full of the most midwestern shots of middle-aged nude men you could imagine, just an old couple having fun with each other. So I assume you guys burned that chair? Yeah, yeah, the chair.

The chair, the noods though. The chair was filled bedbugs with syphilis. They were all going insane. That's terrible. Yeah, that's too bad. So last letter of the evening. Oh, so soon. That was a sarcasm. I guess from Jensina who says, I never thought I'd find a podcast with a subject matter like yours. But after a year's of searching, I hope that I wouldn't. I finally found a program that tackles the type of cinema I love Sure, there's many a movie theme podcast to choose from but I've yet to find another podcast all about Dorf With the same quality you provide and like other listeners

I don't mind the occasional rambling about other lesser non-dorf movies because you buy us are so hilarious and engaging Oh, thank you much like our hero Dorf So my question is, which is your favorite in the Dorf Ockology? Mine is Dorf goes auto racing. Keep up the wonderful word on the Dorf cast. Love Jinsina. I think mine would be, I mean, there's always

the fishing classic. Dorf is golf, but I think it's crazy. Dorf on golf is a big fan of that, because it's crazy. There's no way the clubs, yeah, I see. The part in the... Because it's crazy. There's no way this club like the clubs. Yeah, I like the part. And they swing those things. No, I mean, the clubhouse, I was he get to hang out there because he's so weird.

Look, well, there's Dorf ghost clubs, which is when Dorf and his Jewish, they don't let him in. Yeah. Dorf visits the various sex clubs of Berlin and gets into hilarious mishaps. And the business, the perfect hype to have accidental bumpins. But there's also what like a very dwarf Christmas. There's an as you doerfeit the Shakespearean dwarf play.

Yeah, there's a dwarf to electric door blue. Dwarf takes Manhattan. Dwarf scared stupid. There's the red shoe doorferries. Yeah. Yeah. Like David to Coveney leave that door for loan. Uh, door fit to doorphony. Oh yeah. There's actually speaking of David to Coveney, there's a David to Coveney door story. Uh huh. And that I remember reading an article in interview where some I don't know how this came up. But someone asked him what's like the worst

thing you ever bought. And he says, Oh, I bought my wife at the time he's still married to Talionny. One of those dwarf videos for a birthday present, because I thought it would be funny, and we watched it, and it was terrible when we didn't laugh. And it's like, in what world does David DeCovny, the star of the ex-files, think that a proper gift for his wife, who's also a famous actress, would be like a dwarf tape. But I don't know. It took me far too long to realize the pun of dwarf and dwarf.

Well, I'm also in dwarven because he does a lot of active activity. But now that I realize that pun, it becomes all the more offensive. But I get really is it's just like, making fun of short people. It's such a weird thing because I have so much respect. Otherwise for Tim Conway, this can be so funny, but that thing is not funny. Mm-hmm.

I guess everyone has to be. I mean, it's okay for him to tackle serious role. You know, that's right. Why am I limiting him to comedy? Yeah. This was the day the clown cried for him. So talking about Dorf, what do we do now, Dan? Now is the moment on the podcast where we recommend movies.

Anyway, I got to move to Dorf's fishing. Anyway, I got to move to Dorf's fishing. Sure. It's called Norm of the Dorf. There's a hilarious scene where Dorf is fishing with his wife. Okay. And she knocks him over the side of the boat with the cooler, and he falls in the water. And it's like, Dwarf, come on.

Yeah. Okay, kick your legs and get, oh. Oh, they're just knees. Yeah. So are we recommending movies that we, what do we do, Dan? We actually liked. Okay, I'm like, no more than norris.

So what are you gonna fire us up with, Dan? What's my, my first? I don't know. You're the, because you're the boss, the leader of the group. Well, the North. So what are you going to fire us up with, Dan? What's my my first? I don't know. You're the because you're the boss, the leader of the group. Well, as Rafi L is erroneously credited with and that Ninja Turtles rap. Yeah. I, uh, I shouldn't have burned to recommendations last time. I got nothing this time. Should not have done that. Dan looks under a piece of paper. Hopefully there's maybe that's a movie. I of paper. Hold on.

I'm going to go, I'm literally going to go look at the diary that I keep of movies that I watch. I used to do that and I haven't been able to do that. The diary, current page, the guys are coming over and they're my best friends. I hope they don't make fun of my mispronouncing of words. I hope they don't make fun of the fact that I have a diary of movies. I'm going to go first then. I am going to recommend a movie called Shallow Grave.

It's, I think the debut film from director Danny Boyle, it stars a young you and McGregor and Christopher Eccleson, who you may know is one of them, Dr. Who. And it's about three roommates who get a fourth roommate, who's a little weird and then mysteriously dies. And as they, after discovering the body, they find that this roommate has a bunch of money and they come up with a plan to keep the money. And-

Lovely of the canelli. And it'll, and everything kind of escalates as their kind of true character's kind of come to light. And it's a great tense little thriller from a talented director. I'm going to recommend another tense little thriller from a talented director. What's that?

It's one that I think might have been recommended on the podcast before, maybe by me, maybe by Dan. I don't know, but I recently watched for the first time in a long time, because I hadn't seen it in a while, Alfred Hitchcock's lifeboat, starring Tallula Bankhead and Hume Cronin and a bunch of William Bendix, a bunch of other people.

Canada Lee isn't it, but anyway, it's a movie that, if for anyone doesn't know, it's about a bunch of people in, during World War II, their ship is torpedoed by a German U-boat and they're trapped in a lifeboat to survive and don't know quite what to do or who they can trust. And I had all, for some, I'd seen this movie a few times, but hadn't in years and I kind of remembered it as like lighter kind of a larkey hitchcock. And watching it again, I had forgotten what a bleak film it is like there's a lot of death in it there's very much a sense that the of the Nazi threat and how the

rest of the world has been taken by surprise by it even just among these characters and it was just like a really tense movie in a way that I didn't remember it being so I was like lifeboat you're a much better movie than I remember. So but what made you want it again if you thought it was kind of a light dark? I mean, this is going to kick back with a couple of bruises and some parts. This is going to be hilarious. Let's have a laugh boat with lifeboat. No, this is not interesting for my wife wanted to watch a hitchhike that she'd never seen before. So spice it up a little bit. Well, we were playing Silver Surfer in Alicia Master's. Okay. And she's like, I'm a leech master, so I can't before. So spice it up a little bit. Well, we were playing Silver Surfer in Alicia Master. Okay. No, she's like, I'm Alicia Master, so I can't see.

So describe the movie to me. But we were, she wanted to see a hitchcock that she hadn't seen before. And I somehow have two DVD copies of Lifeboat from different releases. Yeah, you used one up. And so we watched Lifeboat. It was either that or we were also possibly gonna watch. Well, I can't remember what the other one was that we were probably gonna watch.

Okay. So Dan edit that out. You're right, that was a boring story. It was a very boring story. Dan, continue. I checked my wallet, go back to find a movie that I liked well enough to recommend. And this one isn't like a huge recommendation, but it's a fun movie. Then you usually recommend movies you watch

on planes and kind of don't like. So I think we'll be okay. Yeah, well the last movie I watched on a plane was The Overnight, which has already been recommended on this podcast by I forget who but I looked it up. Yeah, you recommended as the number one movie to watch if you want to see penis while sitting next to another person. Yeah. If you are on a plane and you want to see a scene where Adam Scott dances around with his micro penis and what?

Did he have a micro penis? I'm sure it's a fucking prosthetic. He's got a serious hog. The point of the movie is that he's got a small penis and what's his face Jason Swartzman and the movie has a really big penis and they like a garden hose and they're like dancing next to each other Like gums for a long time. I'm sitting on the plane watching this movie and being like next to Margaret Dumont My oh and her Michael shatter Yeah, it's like the kid from the tin drum screaming. But I'm going to recommend a little movie on it is a very little movie called

Sleeping with other people. It stars. You watch on your phone or something. Jason today goes out of the book. Jason today is an Allison Breyer. The leads. It's also got Adam Scott and Natasha Leon, I'm and a Pete Jayman. So how big is his penis in it?

We never see it. I assume it's huge. Just a wild hog. Yeah, it's like a shy allude. But it's a maker. This is spitting out spice. It's, you know, sleeping with other people is basically like romantic comedy plot, 4.3, where it's two people who have trouble with commitment who slept together once in a long time ago and meet

up again and try and just be friends and eventually become more than that because it is apparent to everyone that they should be together. And a parent, like their parents get involved? That was really worth the question. Nope, not worth interrupting, continue. But as with everything, it's in the execution, whether it's worth watching or not, and especially with romantic comedies, I think it's how charming you find the leads and whether there's good jokes long the way. And I liked both of those things in this movie.

And it's the perfect sort of movie that maybe, I don't know, maybe you're a little hungover, maybe a little tired on a Sunday morning. You just want to lie on the couch and watch something, sleeping with other people is the kind of thing you might want to watch. Is it like there's no strings attached or friends with benefits? It's like we're drinking buddies. One of those that was good. Yeah, friends with the one with Justin Timberlake. JT. That was the good one.

Uh-huh. Or drinking buddies. Yeah, I would put it in the same sort of levels as those movies. Yeah, that's it. We got three recommendations out of this. Three for three, everybody. And three very different types of movies. Yeah, that's it. We got three recommendations out of it. Three for three everybody and three very different types of movies. Okay, we can finally return to our eternal slumber. Our work on earth having been finished, we will now ascend to heaven and the crypt.

Until the unseen house cat comes a dig in again and disturb. It's our tomb. Yeah, it spills the blood of three nerds to awaken us. Yeah. Uh, but until that horrid time, uh, I've been Dan McCoy. I've been steward Wellington. And I'll still be Elliot Kaylen, even when you listen to this creepy. Great. Check out other Max Fun shows. Thanks.

Please Max Fun, I say shows. Check them out Bye Dan can you put that in our three friends making jokes make it out talk I guess I mean that video, but we weren't the friends. They did live together that video but we weren't the friends, they did live together. One's named Joey, it was the other. That name is Monica, and the third name, I don't know, Gunther. You see that site we live together about the old people in a home. It's not sex, they just, they live in a building together.

It's a site? Well, it's a place, it's a close circuit camera. Like a web ring? You're elderly relatives, it's doing place. It's a it's a closed-circuit camera. Like a web ring your elderly Relativism doing okay. It's like a web ring. Yeah, remember those Web rings Yeah, you scroll the bottom of the page and it's like click on if you want to More Cindy Crawford victors click on this It was like you really like reading about Lord of the Ring stuff on the onering.net.

Why don't you go to another site that is Lord of the Rings themed? And how about Onion Rings? You guys remember those? Instead of French fries? Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture, artist owned. Listen or support it. Hey, you like two shirts, right?

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