The Flop House - Ep. #222 - Home Sweet Hell

Episode Date: January 21, 2017

We have a homecoming to Katherine Heigl (a heiglcoming? no.) with a movie that truly no one remembered existed but Dan, Home Sweet Hell. Meanwhile Stuart gives us his SNL audition, Dan explains the secret origin of Georgian cuisine, and Elliott plays the game show that's sweeping the nation. Wikipedia synopsis for Home Sweet Hell Movies recommended in this episode: Pennies from Heaven Manchester by the Sea Phantasm Wishmaster

On this episode we discuss Home Sweet Hell. A movie I did not believe existed. I don't think we watched a real movie. Like what did we just watch? What was that? I forgot already. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey everybody. I'm Steward Wellington. David Lee Roth over there. Hey, and over here at Elliott, Kaelin, too. What is this some kind of flop house reunion?

Guys You guys you guys Guys, Vage really well over the last, the energy level on the podcast is already different. It's rocked. Going back on the track. Amazingly. Simulet, as soon as I started talking. Belly flop, yeah.

So, Dan, let's do this reunion bit that kind of died on the vine. Oh, guys. So you think we aged well. Yeah. What do you do now, Dan? I mean, whack back in the olden days of the flop house. You were just kind of like this. You were a successful TV writer.

Successful TV writer, but kind of a bad boy on the side. Mm-hmm. Well, have you reformed your ways or are you a dead from a drug overdose now? Now I'm a professional bad boy. I'm a TV writer on the side. Okay. So we pay you to be a bad boy. That's right. What does that do? So wait, we the American people do or like just me and Elliot do it. No, no, it's a tax thing. It's not like a pay. Your tax dollars come to me. It's not like a Patreon account for just being a bad boy. No, I'm sure there is one of those.

It's like a Kickstarter page just for a trip to Vegas you're gonna take. There's gotta be a Patreon who's just like some dude who's just like, I'm really awesome in a badass and I wear hats and people are like oh anything for you hat lord One of the lesser British horror movies hat lord It's British huh? Don't don't put that hat on that way. You're cold All-dementioh. Okay, because there's a lord oh Because of oh. Yeah, it's a. Oh, yeah, Dan, you get on the side of the stuff. Wow. That's on the hat Lord makes when he appears. So what

have you been up to, Elliot? Well, what since the last episode no, we're still doing the bit asshole. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm a I own a zoo. Yeah, we bought a zoo just like the film of the same name. I was so inspired by it that I bought one. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, it's fortunately it's a zoo believe zoo. So it's just a bunch of people in costumes. Well, magic and wonder are waiting for you there. So I'm led to believe. You have been led to believe wrong. No. Stuart, what about you? How you've been filling the time since the last time? Oh, just riding the rails. And that's not that different from Dan, professional bad boy McCoy.

You know, you found that hilarious. Well, yeah, I don't have like a Patreon account for it. I'm just, you know, just eating stuff out of soup cans. So soup cans? Worse you buy soup. Worse soup. My answer. You're not. Sometimes with sandwiches in my soup cans. I mean, once you get used to, I mean, you put all kinds of food on plates.

A soup can is my point. Yeah, you're right. Good point. Tushae, you win this logic contest king of the hobos. Sometimes I have to hold a mirror up to your button-down value. What is this? With honors? Because a hobo has just bested my college education. Are you Joe Pesci? Yeah, I can't. You know, I'm a Joe Pesci on the streets of Brennan Frazier at the Sheets. Doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, Brennan Frazier. He was in that movie, right? Yeah, it was. Yeah, correct. We're saying it out with honor. It's right there. If you want to do a Brendan Frazier college film festival, you play that and was named the school tie. I thought that was like a boarding school. Colleges basically a boarding school. It was about neck ties that like a boarding school. A college is basically a boarding school. It was about neck ties, if you wear a school. Cool ties. Oh, Dan, I've got so much to explain to you.

That's so much to explain to you. Is that the one that, no, that's toy soldiers? I just, it's your mind. The whole ties is the anti-Semitism one. Toy soldiers is the one with, which was the pro-Semitism one. I mean, the movie is pro-Semitism. It's against anti-Semitism. It's not Jude Suss, sorry, are any of the Nazi films. Okay. So yeah, I'm just this cool hobo character.

Just trying to keep away from the train security. Now I've been, I've been the boss. Yeah, I'm looking for, I'm looking for hobo codes, scratching the post that says, does play Warhammer here. Nice gamer here. Perfect, how take advantage of their hospitality. Avoid bad little stuff. It's easy to look at.

And you're floating along the air from the set of pies. Now I have this image. Gets a pies because I'm a 21st century hobo. and you're floating along the air from the scent of pies. Now I have this image. That's a pies, because I'm a 21st century hobo. Yeah, the food, because that's what a new food. I love that album with yours, 20th century hobo. I have an image of your Saturday Night Live audition and like, what character is he brought?

Well, this is my new character, futuristic cool hobo. I feel like I think there's too much going on in this concept. Well, I think you are giving the producers a certain highlight. Actually, if you walked in with the character of Futures to Cool Hobo, and it sunglasses a backwards cap and a bindle, and you're talking about how like you got to catch the hoverboards to get from town to town, you would be on SNL tomorrow. They would love it. If I also walked in and just fucked up on my lines and broken shit, they'd be like,

perfect. You're just what we're looking for. But let's celebrity. You could do Seth Rogan, you could do Josh Brolin. You could do, I bet you could do a Timothy O'Lephant if they're going to justify it. I could do a combination of those characters. Seth Brolin. Yeah, he's the ultimate bro. Did you guys see my hamster wheel working in my head? Wait a minute. And all you did was take the first name of one and the last name one of them and put them together. Yeah, that character would make Lauren Michaels flip out of frame

into a ball of popcorn, one of his interns made for him. Yeah, okay, you put some real Lauren Michaels details in there. Yeah, that's the thing. They called the bazooka Joe effect. When it's just your feet flying out details in there. Yeah, that's a thing. They called the bazooka joe effect. When it's just your feet flying out of the frame. Yeah. When a joke is so powerful, it knocks you over and hurts you. I'm a sous-shape.

Like you were shot by bazooka. Jo. So, Dan, what are we doing on this podcast? Oh, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. What do we just do? Oh, what was that? It was a fever dream that we all had collectively. Oh, I forgot.

We all took ayahuasca. We started recording. You guys can hear this too, right? Dan created a sweat lodge for us out of used blue apron food containers and created smoke from his collection of, I don't know, what kind of Mac Weldon underpants you know burning Mac Weldon underpants. Yeah, on Squarespace. Wow. So, and yeah, we began to hallucinate.

We began to imagine what we thought was a movie and is in fact a movie dan or not a movie. What's I gonna play American's favorite game? Movie or not a movie? Perfect, this is the perfect example for it. Cause I am, we spent, what an hour and 40 minutes watching something, I am not convinced was a movie. You're gonna have to show me like a receipt from someone buying a ticket to see what we just watched. Cause I almost don't, I believe, it's almost like,

I believe you and your Hollywood friends got together Jimmy Kimmel style made up a crappy movie just to punk us. I almost want you to pause your podcast player and then tweet me the name of the movie that we watched because I don't even remember it. Well, it's home sweet hell. Okay, thank you.

So don't do the thing. I just, if you already did it delete the tweet Yeah, that was that public service a campaign delete the tweet. Hey, if you say something you don't like Just delete the tweet. Let's let for a better Twitter. Hi, I'm Jack Twitter creator of Twitter Okay Sometimes we tweet something we think about later and we're like, why did I say that? So delete the tweet. You know, I usually rhyme, so I remember it.

Yeah, that's how rhyming works. Dan, what do you want to avoid? The annoyed. When was the last time you saw a domino's pizza commercial about the annoyed? Sure. And yet it is burned into your brain. Wasn't it, didn't they stop doing the annoyed because a guy like dressed as the annoyed and made me mad? No, a guy with the last name, Noid.

Yeah, I thought it was a gun, but that meant no problems. I thought it was a gun to a dominoes and was like, stop telling people to get them so away from the game. I thought it was because the red bull chased all the Noids into the waves. No, the last Noid. Yeah, for one last Noid. Smash and beats is all over the fucking place. Smash and beats is all over the fucking place. They have to find a wizard and some other things.

Yeah, yeah, with music by America. Sounds beautiful. So, Dan, we watched a movie, what was it called? It's called Home Sweet Hell. What was this? Describe it to me, Dan. Sell me a Home Sweet Hell. All right, so there's a lady called Catherine Hygol. That's a name in the movie.

She's named Mona in the movie. Okay. She's man. How you know she's at the boss. Hey. Italian person in that show. I'm assuming you listeners are cracking up and you're probably wondering why are Dan and LA not laughing because Stewart made that joke a hundred times for the movie. Yep, very much. And then would tell us you could use that on the podcast guys. And then I looked them in the eyes until they looked away. So reoccurring Floppy's favorite Captain Huff, Captain High will play. This is what I was like the fourth or fifth movie she's been in for us. Yeah, at least three. We should send her some flowers or something. Yeah, at least three we should send her some flowers or something. Yeah, mm-hmm

Um, and Somebody should send us flowers because we had our first ever Jim Belushi appearance on the flop Finally, she finally lowered himself to make a bad movie Impeccable otherwise impeccable record, but there's a lot of big stars in this Catherine Hygol case at the back You know, he's bound to strike out one of these days. Yes Patrick Wilson was in this Catherine Hygol. Casey at the back, you know, he's bound to strike out one of these days. Yes. Patrick Wilson was in this and, uh, Chimic Bride. Jordana Brewster of the Fast and the Furious series. And recently on that, uh, that people versus OJ TV show.

So who won in that fight? The people are OJ. Uh, uh, I think that is a complicated television. I'll tell you who Neilson. Oh, Jay. Uh, I think that is a common word in television. I'll tell you who Neilson. Cause it did Bafo B.O. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant Nelson, the band who scored the show, the B.O. versus OJ.

So we're talking more nonsense. This is so this is the movie we watched. The movie we watched. The movie we watched is maybe- It's like a serial mom. It's one of my least favorite genres of film, which is the dark comedy, which usually means a movie without jokes where there's a lot of unpleasant things that happen, but the soundtrack is like, do do do do do do do do do do.

And the point that's making about whatever it's about, in this case, the soundtrack is like, do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do and the points it's making about whatever it's about in this case, I guess like white suburban perfection. Now I see this. Our super blatant and obvious. I mean, I'm not as subtle as you've come to expect from Catherine Haigel's other performance. No, as we were watching it and opening the movie felt like we're watching the opening to the show weeds.

The opening to the show weeds was a subtle, delicate play compared to this. It was a slight twitch of the lip at the idea of conformity compared to this movie. Yeah. You're not puning dark comedies as a whole. It's more of this specific type of suburban black comedies of all the I mean, so specifically that a movie about how underneath the surface of the suburbs. There's a lot of crazy shit Yeah, but also I feel like dark comedies are the maybe the easiest genre to fuck up and to do badly. It's very hard to do Yeah, it's a comedy in general is very difficult for people that don't have sense of humor to properly do genre to fuck up and to do badly. It's very hard to do. Yeah. It's a tight robot. Comedy in general is very difficult

for people that don't have sense of humor to properly do. That's a good point too, but dark comedy in particular because it's a very thin line between, whoa, this is crazy and pessimistic, but it's funny and I'm a little shocked by it. A very thin line between that and just like this movie where

Catherine Heigle stabs a, a, a Scotsman with a crazy accent. Kevin McKin. Kevin McKin. And then then uses a katana blade to kill a topless woman. And it's, and there's blood all over. It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's like, sounds great. Well, that's a thing.

You describe a movie where Kevin McKin gets killed and then a topless woman gets killed with a katana blade. I'm probably going to sign up for that movie. This is also after... No thyself Socrates said, I think. No. Catherine, this is after Catherine Heigel has already stuffed the severed head of a woman that she dismembered.

dismembered after beating Steph with a hammer after her husband poisoned her, and stuff's that into the freezer of these criminals. Like it's a movie that, this kind of movie thinks that outrageousness and blood equals like fun. And it's done well. It can be very like shocking and fun, but when it's done poorly like this,

I was fun to disgusting. Yeah, if it's not funny, then you're just like, ugh, this movie did not earn, like just murdering a bunch of people in front of me. And maybe it's because we grew up in the 90s, the golden age of bad dark comedies, when it felt like there was always a new movie coming out that involved like a prostitute accidentally being killed

or someone deciding that they wanted to poison their way to the top of a company or or somebody running around with a double head of double bag that has eight heads in it. Exactly. There you go. There was this eight heads. I don't believe it. Seven head.

One double bag. Oh, you need to watch this of VHS tape. What is it called? It's called with honors with Joe Fitchy. Eighth Heds and Don't Like Does Star Joe Fitchy though, so. But it feel, it's the kind of movie, I feel like between the release of Pulp Fiction and the release of The Matrix.

There were, when all the people were making shitty Pulp Fiction ripoffs started making shitty matrix ripoffs, there was this era when it was like, I guess we'll make a comedy. Get me a ton of fake blood and a got and a hitman with a gun and we'll dismember something, you know. I need to know what I can do in Denver when I'm dead. I mean, that's not a comedy, though. It isn't like a content to the top. I'm just, you know, I'm dead. I've got a few days to kill. But I think I'm going to see days in the valley. I'm thinking, you know, I'm dead. I've got a few days to kill. I've got a few days in the valley.

I'm thinking about movies like, yep, keep going. Do you like more? Movies like very bad things or the last supper or that kind of stuff. We're like, were they were all trying to make to die for basically? Yeah, which even that, that's not very funny. Like it's not a funny movie.

Yeah, it's, it's well made, but yeah, it doesn't. These satirical points is making our, let's say, easy. Yes. The only thing I remember about that movie is that it makes liberal use of the song, Dirty Longgrain by Don Henley. So, two words that I can't see and not sing Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh-Duh usually on things like girls. He was in that one episode of Girls. He's good at playing like a buff guy who's weak. He's in the second season. In the second season of Fargo playing a young Keith Carey.

That's right. And he's good in that. Yeah, give that. That's a good way to play. I disagree, but that's okay. I thought he was good in it. I think he's fine. I just think his character is really boring.

I'll give you that. That's fair. He is good at playing character who looks like he should be commanding, but is in fact weakened on the inside. Like that's, he's very good at that. That's true. But so they're married. And his name is Don Champagne. He owns Champagne furniture, which it took me so long until the movie to realize was not a champagne store. It was furniture store. And he employs his best friend Jim Belu, she has a salesman there. Now, Catherine Heigel is a very demanding wife. She is prickly and perfect in her ways or demanding

to the point of grotesque parity. This is like a caricature of a human being. Like the most steppered wife, the steppered wife. I guess except the steppered wives were all about like pleasing their man. Yeah, I guess you're like a Catherine He all about like pleasing their man. Yeah, and this and Captain Hygill schedule sex, which

apparently happens six times of years. For only 15 minutes each. It's scheduled for 9.30 to 9.45 in her book. What are they going to do with that extra 12 minutes? Oh, I was going the other way. Oh, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man. Hey, guys, we're men men are always thinking

with the wrong head. Am I right? What's this thing on? Excuse me. Hello. Oh, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, man, that stain wife beater that you're wearing. Well, the term wife beater is inappropriate. But that's what it says written across the front of your Italian tea you're wearing. That's because that's a scarlet letter type thing. Oh, no. Yeah, that's terrible. I, so your comedy comes from a dark place, what you're saying. I didn't beat my wife. No, this stands for Will I forget everything but everything

also takes every road and it just helps me remember that you know what I got a lot on my mind but if I let it go it'll come back to me If I just follow up, check out. I don't see anything wrong with what you just said. Yeah, that's the acronym. So they he is a he's she is playing the type of shrewish character that she often complains about being cast as in other things. I feel like Catherine Heigel and she is always brow beating her husband at the furniture store. And it's clear that hey, wait a minute. Actually, it's and they talk about how her parents helped pay for their house help pay help pay the kids bills there's a mysterious parents and there's a there's a moment near the end where they're like oh my parents are going to come by first our son's birthday

party and it's true it was like can't wait to meet these parents they do not show up they are forgotten completely but anyway he is this guy. He just wants us to... Look, his life is terrible. He's unhappy. Uh-oh, and then he hires... Pretty young thing to start working at his furniture store. Yeah. But it's very excited by the prospect of a hand job from his wife.

A hand job. The most exciting sexual encounter. I mean, it depends. Is it getting a hand off from like Poseidon? That would be pretty crazy. Yeah, don't y'all gonna yum, dude. I'm just so be young. I'm coming. I gotta interrupt real quick.

I'm gonna interrupt real quick. Uh, so that's what this medelo chalada. So that's a word from a dello. Yeah, kind of. I haven't had one of these in a while. I'm shocked at how much it tastes like a perfect synthesis of a cheap beer and like watered down spaghetti, who's. So not an ad for medelo.

I mean, I don't know, that could be somebody's pleasure. Yeah, I should be going on a show. Yeah, I'm gonna go on a show. Yeah, I'm gonna go on a show. Okay, so. But he's playing like kind of like a little bit stuffy, like a button down suburban dad. He's a very, he's a, and a hand-packed husband

and blue ball, that's what I'm talking about. In a way, a little bit, it feels like we're getting to see what Patrick Wilson thinks, like Midwestern, like suburban husbands are. Like anyone who's not a, not an act, not in the creative field, I guess, is like that or not. Yeah, it feels a little, I mean, I don't know why we're putting this on Patrick Wilson.

I mean, it's clear. Oh, no. He knew what he did. The three writers. The writing, here's the thing. I want to say about the three writers. I wanted to say he did. The three writers. The writing, here's the thing. I want to say about the three writers. I wanted to say one thing about the three writers. One of them has like 12 credits, none of them have note,

but two of them have like one of them, their only other credit is a fax of life episode. And the other one, their only other credit is a are you afraid of the dark episode? And that's according to what IMDB. And it's not like IMDB is flawless. Two, they can be doing a ton of uncredited work behind the scenes.

A lot of writers. What do you think after that one facts of life episode, you got a lot of script doctrine work. Yeah, or maybe you went and drew back. Or maybe you drew backgrounds for Ketsuhiro Otomo. Yeah, that's probably it. You did that one facts of life or I read the dark and you, this isn't for me.

I better work in the studio of a manga, a great. What, Massimo Nishiro is not hiring? All right, I guess I'm gonna cut zero out of him, oh. I guess I won't draw little stylized, tiny versions of the characters, like little cat face people. Oh man, I love that crap. So I think the fact that they don't have a lot of credits

on IMDB doesn't necessarily mean they haven't been working, but that being said, the big faults in this movie are the writing, the directing, and the music. The acting is not such a huge part. Yeah, I would imagine like I'm blaming Patrick Wilson for a performance that I'm assuming is like the brainchild of the director. It is a big performance. Yeah, there are almost everything's a big performance. Everyone at all of it is big. But anyway, he hires this, he hires a pretty young lady to work in a store.

And before he knows it, she is all over him. And they're doing it all over the store. Which kind of makes sense, because Pat and Wilson's like, I hand some dude. There's a section where he's really getting into shape and exercising a lot because he's been energized by this affair. And it's like, he's still looking like he was in pretty fine shape. Like, the guy did not look like, I mean, maybe he was a little dead body, I guess. Yeah, but like...

He's in now, dude, right? Mm-hmm, right. I mean, because of gender to host standards. But yeah, he's a handsome guy who owns his own business. Come on. Who owns his own business. Come on. Who owns his own business yet later in the movie has difficulty coming up with $6,000. I guess liquid liquid. Exit a lot of his assets from the form of furniture stock right now.

Oh, okay. And and I don't know like Etsy coupons and yeah, I mean, you run a small buy stuff on Etsy. You run a small business. It's not like every time you make it, it's the like goes in the bank. It's all tied up with Kickstarter. He's been backing and I haven't been delivered yet.

It's like, I'm just hoping they all go through because I want those goodies that I'm promised, but I'm hoping they don't go through so I get the money. Yeah. So anyway, it's kind of how Kickstarter works. In a way, so he starts in a affair and then she comes to him and says, uh-oh, I'm priggers.

Oh man, that's like, what am I going to do? And he tries offering her money on the advice of his good friend, Slash employee, the Jim Balouche. Uh, and he says, according to Jim, I should give you some money. Oh, you did it. You did not. You did not. You did not. Stuart puts a pair of sunglasses on.

Podcast over. Wait, really? We're packing it in. We made the perfect joke. In the series. It's done. Because he says, you better take care of business. He was in a movie called Take Care of Business.

Oh, okay. What was that, you better take care of business. He was in a movie called Take Care of Business. Oh, okay. What was that, you're a real man. What was the show we did with Mike Bikini a long time ago? Working steps, was that it? Yeah. Well, he said K9. That's right. I'm a weird.

Just a random letter and number combination. Doesn't mean anything. That's a mean thing. He goes, Hey, buddy, I got one. Here's what you need to do. Blues Brothers 2000. She is offended, but she'll take the money. And it's pretty obvious from the moment she starts coming onto him. Curl.

You're a, you got another, that's another balloon. There you got it. From the moment that she starts coming onto him, it is clear that she is setting him up for blackmail. That's the only possible explanation, except that he's a kind of a handsome guy. But and it turns out she is. She is girlfriend to a real sleazy guy

played by the director, right, of the movie. Sally, you're the director. you know, one of the producers, my mistake. I want to produce what I think it was, hold on a second. But the idea of this woman coming on to him, oh, you're right. He throws himself into this new relationship. And, you know, I could have, once again, I think this performance could have been pulled off by somebody I think this performance could have been pulled off by somebody less handsome like Patrick Wilson like perhaps if they put a slightly more shlobby guy in this role or if they'd taken some time to have this guy question like spend a little more time questioning how this relationship started up.

Yeah. Because it's literally he well he at one night he masturbates to a picture of her and falls asleep in his office. After missing out on a hand job, because his wife said, his wife says, how about a hand job? And he takes his pants off and he goes, no, he is so sensitive and from later. Which, I mean, I think legally,

that's entrapment. That's what that is. If someone walks up to you and says, how about a hand job? And you start taking your pants off and they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, what gave you the idea that you should remove your pants? I mean, at that point, you've got a pretty good case,

I guess, for your lawsuit. Yeah. He says, well, you told me about the hand job and you're holding a DVD cup of entrapment. So. I'm taking you to sex court. That stands a late night show time show. Yeah.

And it was a real, that was like a Playboy channel show. Oh, it was on the Playboy channel. I think so. Oh peak TV now That's that was the biggest that was when people really knew peak TV and hit when playboys started investing in original programming Anyway, I never that's one of those shows that I never actually saw. Sex court? But I've heard of it. But I've not, like, I didn't get to play by channel as a kid. I don't know if it still exists anymore.

So, like, I never actually seen it. Maybe can you show the hood? Can you show the hood? Can you show the hood? Can you show the hood? I don't know. I haven't seen the show. I think one of them is less creepy.

I'm trying to figure out which is the less creepy one. I mean, it's possible that if possible, I misread it and it was like Essex County Court or something like that. It would be an odd choice for the Playboy channel. Maybe the Playboy channel was trying to get into original New Jersey based dramas. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

I mean, there was a night court. What happens at night? Sex. Well, that, I mean, they had a bunch of prostitutes in night court that are always bringing in people who are clearly like coded to be prostitutes, which is something I didn't understand as a child. And as a kid I was like, are they shoplifters? Nothing's open.

And they're like, wow, Dan, feeling as a lot of girlfriends. And the concept of a night court was also something I didn't get as like I didn't know that was a thing as a kid. So I kind of filled in the backstory that this was like an experiment in the law. Where they're going to have a court open at night and see what kind of crazy things might happen I was not there was no part of me that was like oh, yeah people get arrested at night and they need to book them pretty quickly But anyway back to the movie so she's the judge do magic That's something that Harry Anderson brought to the character. I don't think what the show was not originally called magic judge Harry Anderson brought to the character. I don't think what the show was not originally

called Magic Judge. Although, that's a pretty good idea for us though. Starring. Judge Reinhold. That joke's been made before. Yes, on a recent development. What if he was given Magic Power? And he wasn't a judge at all.

What if it's called? Well, I mean technically he is, because that's his name. What if it's called magic judge, except it's magic Mike with judge Ryan Holt? Okay. Okay, let's make a game. Okay.

So Patrick Wilson, he falls asleep after masturbating to a picture of his employee. And when he, he's woken up by her licking his face, and it's at that moment that you know, okay, like there's some, something's up. I've seen that we're so overt and it's like, and her come on that I was like, okay, he's still dreaming. This is still dreaming.

This is a movie that doesn't really grasp subtlety. It's not trying for subtlety and it doesn't get it. She, they have an affair, she black males him. He tries to pay her off, it doesn't work. Then she black males him more and he admits everything to Catherineman high goal and she says, what, you got this one pregnant, then you have to murder her. And so he to protect their perfect life because they're like, this is a two or two force. We have a real like lady Mcbeth,

which is the third turn here in that we were forced to watch it by dams. Yeah. Who this is the conversation we had at the beginning. Dan says, here are my options. I was, I was, I was, the last to which had you, the last to the wall and whipping you. He said, the last witch finder and I said, okay, that could be good, or this movie home sweet hell.

It's different than, it's not an action movie. So maybe we try that in short night, being morons said, okay, whatever, that sounds good to us. Let's go with the movie we've never heard of that Catherine Higles in, that I think maybe we've made to prank us. And that's really watching, it was terrible. Anyway, they grind up their kids' medication, I think,

and give so much of it to her that she isn't killed, but she is, I guess it hurts her bad. And she's barfing up everywhere. They bring her home and Catherine Higle beets her to death with a hammer, then takes off her clothes and he has a Heigel takes off her dress and then uses like a saw to cut her body up. Eastern promises style. And she is because she is a scene like many scenes in this movie where the soundtrack swells and we are we are delivered a crescendo of Be grade music every scene in this movie

They're like this isn't funny, but if we either play a pop song really loud We're really put music in like this Boy That makes it funny right the other make the pools of blood around Catherine Higel's ankle is funny. And so here's so. And the IMDB trivia claims that the music was provided by Catherine Higel's husband, which I know, I guess us making fun of her husband.

She might come after us and be like, coming after me's fair game, not coming after my husband, the flop house is dead. Yeah, he didn't ask for this. He's a civilian. What was Hegel's first name? I'm a ball-peaned ham rest today. Uh-huh. And I was based on her real life. Yep. Yeah, originally she was called home sweet Hegel. And she said, uh, can we draw a little bit less attention to the fact that I'm a murder in real life? And they're like, why? Because I'm murder you if you don't. Yeah, sorry, sorry, Kat.

Okay. So they, they've been working together for a while. They dismember the body. And then her boyfriend starts threatening Patrick Wilson. And so Katherine Hygels, like, I guess we got to kill more people. They go to a strip club. He goes to a strip club and he's forced to take math in a real training day moment,

which has no pay-off. Here's the payoff to him, to him that the math goes outside and the sun feels too bright in his eyes. I mean, so you gather around. I was like, are you on drugs? And he's like, yeah, I took math and that's it. Yeah, that's the whole thing.

I think the scene specifically goes, he says, I took meth and like, that's it. Yeah, that's all the time. I think the scene specifically goes, he says, I took Crystal meth and she said, the drug, Stuart laughed then, because that's funny. Yeah. And then that's it. At no point do they say kids don't do that. So I guess all the kids that rush out and see home sweet hell are all gonna become

Crystal meth. But I mean, like there should be a scene in the movie where he's forced to do something normal while on meth, right? Like, yeah, that would be the kind of joke payoff to that setup, yes. There's like a big like one day sale at his furniture thing that he has to be there. It's parent teacher conference day

and he's gotta sit through the conference while he's tweaking whatever meth heads do. Teeth falling out of his mouth. Teeth are falling out and he's signing a lease on a new track like trailer for our home or something. He can't afford that loan. He's going to default on it and there goes the economy. Thanks Patrick Wilson.

Lane the crystal math. And so that's when there's a scene in the strip club. Of course, there's nudity. So our attention was wrapped. Well, funny thing about this movie was every time there was nudity, it happened while Dan was looking at his phone. And so he would look up just at the last brief frames of nude women. It was like it was like one of those old comedy sketches from the Benny Hill show or something

where a dirty old man is trying to catch girls changing and just keeps missing them. And it's funny because back then it was okay to be too stuff like that, I guess. It was the fact that the audience was supposed to sympathize with this creepy curve. Yeah, they're like, oh, he is like a tantalus. Mm.

Mm. Always deciding or a drink of that sweet naked teen girl, I'm guessing. they're like, oh, he is like a tantalus. Always deciding or a drink of that sweet naked teen girl. I'm guessing. Yeah, that was when Benny Hill's classics education really, really came through. Oh, there are. There are those all those people are chasing Benny at the end, but he can't turn around.

Rels, they'll disappear like Orpheus and your Odyssey. So damn. So you missed some of the nudity. There's a strip club, etc. But in this strip club, there's a great moment where one of the goons who they're just hanging out, they are in a fucking strip club in the middle of the afternoon and it is so lament. It is packed. I want to see the story about the proprietors

in this place who are running this super successful strip club that apparently let goons just flash pistols whenever they're in. They're just moving guns around and doing meth and doing crystal meth. Why are they open? That's crazy.

Now see, there are a bunch of lap dance coupons in the supermarket circular that week. The story is. The story is that these guys felt comfortable waving their guns around and doing math because they owned the establishment. And yet, I submit to you the jury in sex court, if they were the propires of this successful strip club,

and I submit to you, it is the middle of the day, the place is no fewer than six or seven dancers are roaming the floors. Let alone the stage performers. There are enough people to support all of that. This is perhaps the most successful strip club in that side of the country. Why would they be black? He's always the county. For either the county, for sure.

Why would they, unless it's like Portland, the city that has more strip clubs than any other in America, I guess per capita. Why would they be blackmailing this man from your $20,000? I submit to you. I risk my case. So, yeah, I'm probably wrong. I don't think they own the place. No.

But in your home sweet hell fan fiction, they do. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's all about... Murray. Well, the home sweet. And Murphy. I don't know theiray. And Murphy. I don't know their names.

Scottish guy. Well, these are guys who live in what appears to be a squalid trailer, a tractor truck. What the, I'm fuck. It's one of those kind of pre-fab houses. It wasn't a nice home, right? No, I guess not. It was one of those like pre-fab-towable houses.

And it wasn't, it was not the tiny house lifestyle and but there Which is ethical their fridge is very well stocked with beer and frozen dinner They got a freezer that's big enough to hold the Jordan and be rooster in it when she's been cut up Well certainly her head and how about all other parts? I think it's just the head It's a head and a leg and an arm. I mean that's that's a lot of Jordan and Brewster to fit What is she she green lanterns girlfriend? Brewster to fit in. That's what it is. What is she? She green lanterns, girlfriend.

She's all fit in that fridge. Oh boy. And they also own a fucking gun rack that has not one, but two katana blades. And they have had three katanas on it. That's crazy. Only one of which is used. Which means that somebody, I think this whole movie was used

just as a ploy for somebody to get two katanas, paid for by the company that wasn't used on screen. That's still mint condition, dude. Go use it to fight like an ancient genja, but go use it to fight not only Bob or something. That's why only one of those is going to the local planet Hollywood.

The other one, take it and track down, and it's like, it's says home sweet hell underneath it. Track down a Kareneco with that thing. Why not? It's never been used. Mm. So, uh, Katherine Hygol goes to plant some evidence in the home of these guys who are now blackmailing them.

And the threat is- And by evidence, you mean Jordana Brewster. Jordana Brewster. Uh, and the, this is the threat, like this movie, it's just like, so the threat that the bad guys give to Patrick Wilson, they say, hey, you know your wife, if you don't give us $20,000, we're gonna rape your, rape her, then her your daughter, then your son,

well, and then you, that's the threat. And it's like, you could have just said, we'll kill your family, like, or just said, something bad is gonna happen, like, I don't want that. It's not like the stakes were raised a little too much. There's a reason I didn't watch what's it called. A Georgian film, whatever.

A Serbian film. A Serbian film. There's a reason I apologize. Let's see, Georgia. There's a reason I didn't watch that movie. It's because I don't watch those things. I don't know how to say that. Yeah, there's a Georgian film would be a bunch of guys

sitting around eating hot chip, poorie, drinking wine. just fucking chill and dude. And why wouldn't you want to watch that? That sounds awesome. I mean, I wanted to drink. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like cheese and butter in a bread boat. I think I got a pitch for my screenplay, big night too. A couple of us. It's George.

It's George and the big night too is George and the so look as long as there's ethnic food types, we can keep popping out these sequels. Hell yeah, dude. No. And then big night seven. Uh oh, Italy again. Oh man. That that that fucking thing that like, that, like, good.

Uh-oh, time for Dan's hot take on big night. We're on Italian food. No, the, what's the name of the thing that we're talking about? The Hotsupori. Is that what, what is? It's like, it's a Hotsupori or a Kotsupori. I think it depends on it. Like, it feels like a food I would have invented

when I was back when I was a chubby kid. So this is what the kids do. The Georgia and I each say it. No, but it's just, but it's just like I'm just gonna take a breath and I'm just gonna football a brand. I've got a couple legs. I'm just gonna take a whole stick of butter. And here let's bring in the cheese. Yes, man, we're just gonna swirl that shit around. And what else should I put in it? Nothing. No, this is it. This is this is heaven on the stick. You know what I hate about stick. You know what a stick. You know what I hate about pizza? You know what I mean?

You know what I hate about pizza, all the sauce and no butter and no egg. So I corrected it with my new thing. I call it Dan Pizza. Yeah, and then a Georgian comes in and slaps me in the face. You didn't invent this. And on my big night. Yeah, he serves you papers for intellectual property. Here's how he would do it is he would stumble over. He'd be like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, and you'd go to catch him to help him because you're good at this. And he'd be like, thanks buddy. I just got a say in return, you've been served. And they just, you've been served. And then he just walked away. And then he of the trench coat he was wearing that you were holding and you're like, what? And he's just three little kids. They say. They jump on their skateboards and ride off into the movie. And so you don't know who to chase.

So instead you slip on a banana peel and go, oh rats, and then a rain cloud appears just above you and start raining on it. All because I was trying to invent a food. That'll show you don't try to achieve your dreams. No speaking Trying to achieve your dreams because she has a whole book of goals and dreams that she's right towards the Higge's Catherine Higge also she goes to plant the body the Scottish guy walks in with his stripper Conquest of the night who starts posing topless with a katana blade for no reason. I guess I don't need a reason to do that. And

Catherine Higel's character follows like that first rule of improv, dude. She just goes with it. Yeah, she doesn't think twice. Yeah, yes and she walks out, stabs them both, kills the woman with a katana blade, the police come, and then they call the police and say, oh, there's some bad news going on here

when the other folks arrive, I guess. But one guy, there's two bad guys left, one of them is killed by the police, the other one escapes by crawling out into the house, is the music blaring on the soundtrack at this point? You bet it is, because what you're watching is fucking funny. Yeah. But if the music wasn't super loud,

you might be like, oh, this is kind of a grimy, unpleasant crime movie. Oh, but the music's really loud, so it's probably funny. I should take a shower, because I'm never gonna feel clean again. Probably not. Well, there's also there's a moment where Patrick Wilson kind of breaks through Catherine Hygge's cold exterior. Yeah, he's like what made you so cool. And she begins to break down and hint that her parents abused her and before regaining her composure and threatening and saying in the one funny line in the in the movie,

if you ever talked to me like that again She was all and you I'll take one of the knives in my bedside table and I'll whatever but it's like it was the idea that she keeps knives in her bedside I think there's more than one funny line the movie, but yes, that was a funny line that is then ruined I was abused by I was amused by how happy she seemed to be By the idea of hitting Jord Jordan Bruce for the hammer. Like as soon as she realized that she was going to have to kill this woman, like she suddenly, she suddenly perked up and her performance was kind of funny in that moment. Okay. And I mean, Jim Belushi's hilarious.

He's a pro. He sells every line. Turns it on like a switch. And so by this point Patrick Wilson has begun to realize this wife's a little crazy and at their at their son's birthday party where he witnesses Her brow beating their son over his inability to hit a piñata and then she starts just insulting everybody at the party and being really mean to them And he learns learns that she's taken... She tells someone that she's glad that she has Crohn's disease and hopes that she shits herself to death. Yeah, she says it and she's,

this is not really triggered by much of anything. No. It's just the movie is running out of time so they need to make her as bad as possible so that when Patrick Wilson sets up a death trap in his garage and it's also revealed that she killed their neighbor's dog and stuffed it in their freezer.

So when Patrick Wilson... I love that you say that as an aside. It was the reason I have a movie in the movies. Yeah. Usually that's an indication that a villain totally has a dog. And so when he's, we don't feel as bad I guess when he rigs a death trap in his house at his son's birthday party to murder his wife and she dies in an explosion and I'll never forget Stuart's immortal words before before the explosion

I'm ready for some really bad special effects or I hope that we see some really bad special effects and then we did some very bad flame effects coming out of the windows and Everything and then it you know we fade out we fade back Petrick Wilson's now in a bigger house. He and his kids are really happy. Looks like the problems were solved. They drive off in the minivan. Up, the evil boyfriend, Brum, before follows them on motorcycle, cut to credits, and over the credits, we hear gunshots and glass breaking. And the screams of children.

So like a hilarious ending. The final gag. That's pretty comedy ends on the screams of children. We get up out of our theater seats, dust the popcorn crumbs off our laps, chuckled our friends, and then walked out. No, we silently walk to our cars, drive home in silence. Oh, no, we leave the theater.

We go like, what did you think? We go to the... Oh, I don't want to say while other people who just saw the thing I saw are walking near me. I kind of don't feel comfortable being loud about my opinions right now. Why does that instinct kick in? I have that. We're like, I'll see you moving my wife in my mouth and go, well, what do you think? And I'll be like, let's talk about it outside.

Like I don't want the other people to theater to hear my opinion. Yeah, it's really weird. And even if it's something I like, I'm like, I don't wanna reveal to these fucking weirdos I'd never have seen before that I would in my being the audience. There reminds me when I went to see, I think it was adaptation in the theaters, and there was an old man sitting across the aisle and when the movie ended, he turned to me and he goes,

so what did you think? Did you think that was so good? I didn't think so. And you were like, me from the future, what are you doing here? Is there a warning you have for me? I got you, we need to save your kids. Let's go back to the future, the movie.

And I was like, I don't know. I'm gonna have to think about it. He was like, you don't know. You must, you just saw it. And I was like, and I wanted to be, I was basically selling him like, I don't really want to talk to you. And he goes, and I wanted to be, I was basically selling him, like, I don't really want to talk to you. And he goes, and gets everyone else in there.

I was like, sorry dude, this isn't New York 70's cinema culture, or you can just finish. When the latest Agnes Varda film stops, he can just turn to your teammate and ask him and create a community of cineasts who discuss it. He was trying to start his new TV review show, Old Man and Elliot. Well, that was the case knew that was the case. I wouldn't do it. Teach me your old man ways, old man.

When I saw adaptation, that was one of the few times I've been to movies where the, the, the, the picture you've seen a lot of movies. I know. I've only been a couple times. And the, the screen, like shifted. So like the top of the screen, the image was at the bottom, the screen, on the top of the screen, the image was at the bottom of the screen, and the bottom of the image was at the top. And kind of because of the movie, I'm like,

whoa, this is a really interesting choice. This is supposed to have for about 10 minutes, and then I'm like, I should really go tell the projectionist. It's like there's a movie, there's a really fun movie called Asumi that's a Japanese movie about a teenage swordswoman. Yeah, yeah, is it? The, there's a part,

I remember seeing it at the New York. It's like, why was he in New York? Why was he in New York? Right? Yeah, and there's basically, and there's a, there was a part where they, that's also my review for Scorsese's silence. The projectionist screwed up for a couple seconds and shifted the image down too far. Like

they might maybe they're having sex in the booth and they hit the projection. And the part that it would have it should have been masked was not and the boom mic and the reflectors that were being held by the crew in the scene were very visible and it was like, hey, come on projectionist, you gotta give this, you gotta work with this movie. Because clearly they thought you were gonna be covering this up, they left it in the frame.

So that's, that is the type, who, one of the macaroids have that same experience where the play is. Yeah, Travis Knight at the museum. And I've never, that seems crazy. I've never seen But that stuff happens like because a lot of that doesn't sound like something that could happen That's happened to me. It could happen to you starring Nicholas case. So wait on every Movie like if I first for instance if I had like a really tall screen of my TV would I see all that shit?

Not on your TV. No Okay, but wait, I'm trying to, but if I took a film print. If you had like a, just a film print. And I just like played it on like a brick wall for my cool 80s like party that I'm throwing. Depending on the movie, yeah, you might have some. Oh wow, okay. I'm bringing it back to Pervisoidness.

There were a lot of movies where... We were ever talking about that, I was living that Benny Hill run from Wild Back. There are a lot of movies where there was nudity in the home video release that was never shown in the film release because they had masked the top and bottom, but when it was a pan scan, it was a square frame. And so stuff at the top and bottom was revealed.

So like what movie? Give me one. Well, the more, most recent one, and this actually, this actually came up on, on the very same episode of my brother and my brother and me, but that happened in the breakup with Jennifer Aniston. Her butt was not supposed to be shown in the masking of this, but if you saw the pillar box version with the taller side. It's interesting. Yeah.

I mean, not interesting, but it happened, I guess. It's a thing that happened. That's history. Yeah. I mean, not interesting, but it happened, I guess. It's a thing that happened. That's history, you know? That's, so we end with. That was my moment in nude history. That was your moment. I feel like every episode, you have several moments.

Look, this is the oral tradition. Whoa, hello. If I don't tell these tales, they're gonna be lost to time. You're right, that's true, you're right. And then future generations won't know. Dan's like a traveling bird character now. One of the butts exists. So I figured out how your Patreon works.

I think I figured out what you're gonna do in society collapses. Is you're like a traveling storyteller, Shaman, who goes from tribe to tribe and tell stories of butts of your. Yeah, handing out like tiny little hand drawn to you on a Bible. I said no, but then they'll just call them Bibles because this is the new religion that Dan is instituting. Okay. I don't like what kind of like blood of heroes during or salute of the juggard depending on what country you're in starring record Hower and Joan Chen?

So Dan, you liked this movie, right? No, I didn't. Let's go to final judgments Whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie you kind of liked. I did not like this movie. It's Baffling it's a baffling movie. You're wonder while you're watching it who it's for whom? Why did anyone make this why didn't Think of it. Who is it for how did it get me? How did this get me? Does anyone ever ask that question before? Hey movies Film floppy something It's like this is maybe maybe my least favorite of every movie I've seen for this podcast

Maybe I can't go that far because it didn't bore me the way that like, you know, there's like a show load of nudity in comparison. That's there was a lot of news. We are so gross this episode. No, I'm saying for you. Yeah, but are you gross? Okay. The actor.

Uh, I don't think we're being, we're no more, we're less gross than we usually are. I would say that there is, I think I found this movie. It wasn't as boring and it did have boobs in it. But I found it to be so. Put it on the fucking DVD box. No, it's all right. No, it's all right. The box is fucked up, dude.

The box's tagline is psycho wife, unhappy life. That's awful. What the fuck? I feel like Katherine Heigel isigel couldn't have agreed to that. No, and that typifies this movie, which is like, it thinks that it is a witty, dark comedy, but it is actually the most retrograde shit, like misogynist view of women as like shrews and ballbusters or they're out to get money from you with their with their I was with their dicks. By the way, they have dick. They're just they're just out to grab you by the dick and either control you or take your money.

Dudes, what are you gonna do? I guess we just have to murder them eventually. You're just trying to run a successful business with your pal Jim Ballucci. Yeah, like I this was, this movie reminded me of, there was a time when me and my office made a deal as show for a while, Mr. Sam Means, we're collecting, we're ordering and collecting old joke books to laugh at how crappy the jokes were. And there was one that he got,

we just buy them from eBay, we didn't really know it was in them. And then we got a cursed joke book. And not a joke book. No, fake cool. What happened was we had to take it to an abandoned carnival grounds. And so it could do its final business. But we won a rive that was like, that was all like men's party jokes. And it was so from the from the early 60s. It was so disgusting. And it was like so hateful towards women and we were like, this isn't fun anymore and we stopped getting old joke books.

And you donated all those joke books to, I don't know. To hell, I guess. We opened up a puzzle box and we threw these joke books in the portal. So I guess pinheads read them now. I'm holding some old back. This is too much for me. Stuart, what did you say? Uh, so I did not like this movie. It's not very good. Um, it's not really fun. There, I will not lie. I did laugh at a couple of things.

Hey, that's okay. Catherine, like, I think there's things about it that could have been, I feel every time I watch one of these shitty movies, I always want to play fucking movie doctor and be like, well, maybe if they changed the score, maybe if they tried to play this up instead of that. Or if they got Chris Gatherin into the better quilts which I still stand by would have made this movie better.

But it's just not very good. I don't recommend it. I feel bad for the actors. I mean, I, like, Aaron Higley was born or fucking heartened to this. And I feel bad for her in particular because we make fun of her movies so much. But it's not like she's bad.

Like, she's doing a good job. Well, I mean, yeah, okay. It's really hard, it's hard to tell where the problems begin. Screenplay. Yeah. I think that's where the problems begin. Yeah. Did you, did you do you give a rating? I think it, well, I mean, clear, bad, bad. This is like, this movie didn't break me the way that like food fighter Ulyans did, but it bad, bad. This is like, this movie didn't break me, the way that like, food fighter Ui loves it, but it disgusted me. You know what I mean? But it also like, didn't make you feel like you should say,

hey dudes, look at this crazy thing. No, that's true. It had, it never reached the sublime insanity, it just like repulsed me at every. Look at, look at the way Bobby Wobbly smiles and try and sleep after that. Oh, you can't wipe that from your soul. Hi, I'm comedian Emily Heller.

And I'm cartoonist Lisa Hannah Walt. And we're the host of Baby Geniuses. Do you want to learn weird new facts? Do you like hearing successful creative women talk about their poop? Do you want the scoop on Martha Stewart's pony? If you answered yes, to any of these questions, our show is for you. We interview people like Paul Lift, Tomkins, Kristen Shaw, Michael Chase, and more. So check us out on Maximum Fun.

And let us mess up your brain. It's ladies. Thank you, geniuses. We know everything. Thank you, geniuses. Show us something we don't know. But moving on from Home Sweet Hell. Thank you.

There are a couple of sponsors of the show tonight, Hawking some fine products that we should talk about. Great. Stretch it out. Number one. Stalker time, I guess. What are the police trying to trace the call? I'm stalling so I can learn how to read.

Yeah, I can read these. Right. Linity and scores, Carl stalling. I can learn how to read. I can read these. Right. So Linnitune scores Carl stalling. Get on with it. Are you hiring? Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates? Donate. That's right.

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Well, no, they're hiring people. For the job that you already have, where's your, for pointing at someone to say you're higher. No longer do you have to drive around from small liberal arts college to small liberal arts college, posting up these help wanted things on the community bulletin board. Just with one click, you can post it to the digital bulletin boards of the information super highway global village. Yeah. You don't need to worry about people emailing you

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go to zippercruder.com slash first. The way you're doing that, Dan, it was like that was the signal for someone to do something in a scheme. One more zippercruder.com slash first. Yeah, and the person that I'm supposed to be signaling is like talking to like the pretty bartender or something. like, the bottom line. So, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, keep tapping my nose, as I say. And you're like, that's something wrong. You're getting an itch.

Okay. So our podcast is also sponsored in part by Blue Apron. Blue, they aforementioned Blue Apron. The flop I was just supporting in part by Blue Apron. Blue Apron partners with sustainable farms, fisheries and ranchers to bring you all the ingredients you need to create incredible home cooked meals. Ingredients come paired with an easy to follow recipe card delivered to your door weekly in a refrigerated box.

I mean, the box has dry ice in it. It's not, the box isn't refrigerated. Dan, it's Nate. I'm not undercutting the L's pitch, say. Rediscover how fun. I don't think people were worried that a refrigerator was gonna show up at their door, and they would have to carry it in. How about,

I don't have one refrigerator. Where am I supposed to put this? And one of these comes with every delivery. I mean, a box with dry ice in it, hate to break it, you know, is refrigerated. Mm-hmm. If it's got cold stuff, you know what the first refrigerator is brought to you by Chicago Bears,

a football player, the refrigerator. No, it's a football player, I'm sure. No, from when I was growing up. What was his last name, Dan? I don't know. It's Perry. So here's the thing. You know, the first refrigerator train cars. It's just big chunks of ice. On wheels. Okay, so it's the big chunk ice. So you get some delicious? I get you a nice chunk ice.

Read us how fun cooking can be. We'll join specialty ingredients and exploring new flavors. I like platypus. And cuisine. That your first three, blue apron meals free, plus free shipping by visiting blueaprin.com slash flopp house. Blueaprin.com slash flopp house.

And we've said in the past, nice thing to get four people. If for some reason they are recovering from something, they just had a baby, they can't feed themselves for a little bit, it's a nice gift. Yeah, wait guys, what's that in the sky? It looks like a shining... It looks like a shining...

It's okay. I'm doing a bit here, Dan. Just play along. That's a jumbo, Dan. Just play along. That's a jumbo, John. Yeah, yeah. Can you make it out? I think I can make it out. Let me read it out loud. I think so.

If you can read that, and Dan will stop doing his downtown Julie Brown sounds. What, what, what, what? What's the town's down in Julie Brown? It's down in Julie. This message is for Eddie, last name withheld. Better. And this message is from

Lisa Emma and Charlotte also last name withheld Since it's your 50th birthday Eddie We wanted to do something special to show you how much we love and appreciate you It seems that in the waning years of your life the one thing that makes you happy is to listen to the flop house. And perhaps a jaunty song from Elliot. Either way, we love you very much. Great job, with the first 50 years. That's very sweet. So should I just... Try not to fuck up the next 50. Wow. All right. Break your perfect record. Yeah. So should I sing a song?

You want to do a song? I don't know if it's setting a strange precedent, but why don't you give us a couple bars of this 50th birthday song for Eddie? You're right. I don't want to set the precedent that every jumbo tron comes with a song. But whatever, it doesn't take much to get me to sing.

Hey, Eddie, get ready for 50 more years! The first 50 were pretty good. The second 50 even better, the third 50, little slow, but the fourth 50. Hey, don't you know, those are the best years the 4th 50 years from 150 to 200 the golden time the golden years forget your fears Stuart opened a beer for 50 years Eddie okay perfect that was Okay. Perfect. That was very, very brief. Well, for me regular grindcore song. So we, what do we do next, Danny Boy? Next comes letters from listeners like you. Oh, this new bit. Yeah, is that a bit Michael buffer? No, just a way of talking.

You can talk like that all the time now. Yeah, I'm going to talk like I'm constantly buffering. We do. We do in a lot of like scenes and characters tonight, huh? Yeah, we're regular men of a thousand regular Lisa gentlemen over here. regular men of a thousand regular league of gentlemen over here. So before the letters just a quick thanks to Patrick Limb for the bootstrap messenger bags that we got these are really good.

That's a great easy awesome gift. Yeah nice messenger bags. Very nice. Thank you. But a useful gift and as I become old and Emma dad now useful gifts are the ones that really find Better like like diapers Well, I mean not for me, but I mean think about it. I mean, I'll need them eventually But like I find that like good socks Like that's a solid gift like that's a gift. I'm gonna use none and enjoy

Whereas if you give me a video game now, I don't even have a system to play it on. But when I was a kid, I hated socks. I love video games. You only want a video games. You're like, I want to find out who ransoms at River City. Well, what are these, what makes these dudes so bad? Is this fight really gonna be the final one? What else is fantasy?

What if it was a video game about socks? Okay, he's talking. It's called a sliding guy. It's a guy in socks sliding around a well, well, you're thinking of toj mineral the video game. Okay. No, this first letter, Mark, over the hill, it's a letter coming over the horizon. It's a hill calling with Verizon.

It's a letter from far away coming near. Come over here, letter dear, because we can read you better when you're close to us. And we love to have you so close to us. It's a love song. Pour a letter. Hey Dan, this letter. It's a love letter to you from nobody. Anyway, start reading. Nobody loves you.

Keep going. What? What? It's a real lecture at the end. Jesus Christ. Nobody loves you keep going. What? What? It's a real director. It's the end. Jesus Christ.

Uh, I apologize. Everybody loves him. Hey, hey, he's a regular Raymond. Hey, everyone hated Raymond. All right. Well, no, everybody hated

Chris. Yeah. Is that the guy who says basing all the time? No, no, that's big bang. I don't think I've ever seen Dan look at me with more anger and hatred than it's us.

So this letter goes, this is the letters from Taylor SACC last letter with hell. The first S must stand for swift. Hey, flop house dudes. First we have the obligatory praise. You guys rock. I work at a distillery two days a week. I have wicked, a wicked commute. You guys keep me laughing the whole time. I even have this special little dance that I do when you're opening thing theme comes on. If you're thinking that sounds very

sexual, you're right. Secondly, I have to let you know that feeling curious about y'all's appearances, I was doing a little harmless Facebook stalking the other day. That's never harmless. I forget if I was looking at the list of Dan or Stuart's friends. It's the ultimate taboo. But anyway, right when I went to scroll back a page, I accidentally friended one of your friends. So if a Facebook friend of yours says in the near future, some weird looking guy with

a beard randomly friended me, you can just smile and say, don't worry. That was just a harmless Facebook stalker. That also could be an elaborate attempt to make it so that when our tailor here, Subit's a friend requested one of us will be like, we have one mutual friend, I'll click a gree. Yeah, that's a real Facebook talk. It's not a grift. I mean, I guess they're gonna get money from you eventually, but the pencil,

the main your Facebook. The whole Pennsylvania Facebook. Third, the whole Pennsylvania Facebook. Third and most importantly, I want to talk briefly about what I call the cell phone problem. I know it's not shocked tober, but please. Are you having a problem with your cell phone? Please stay with me. In all modern horror movies, one problem must be dealt with. Everyone has a cell phone.

So it's unbelievable and unrealistic. So in order to create tension, slash explain why the protagonists don't call for help, that phone must get dropped, smashed, run out of juice, et cetera. I find that a really interesting problem and there are a lot of solutions that have become common. Just wondering what you guys all think is the best solution to the cell phone problem,

sincerely Taylor. I mean, this is pretty simple for me and I think it's pretty elegant to be honest with you. See, I'm a big fan of alternate historical fiction. Okay, interesting. So I will always set my screenplays, my my myriad screenplays that are right and you're very panicked. I'm pretty delivered to a variety of different TV producers and movie producers.

So I'm still listening. You can always send me an email guys and ladies. But so the idea of course is that we are in a alternate timeline where a cell phone technology was never invented and we only have access to layer lines. That's interesting because I had a similar one which was that all our movies be set in a dystopian future where cell phones have been banned, like rock and roll. Sure, yeah, except for there's one cell phone character who shows up and you're like,

don't kill him, he's a good cell phone and they're like, phones go on the burn pile. My solution is kind of like in the scene in the Hutsucker Proxy where there's that flashback showing them sewing Mr. Hutsuckers. Yeah, he's such a nice man. I give him the double stitch anyway. Yeah, so I would have them like trying to use their cell phone and then selling there'd be a flashback to the ghost or mom's or whatever, like a week before. Well, like calling up the company to cancel the plan.

Exactly. Going in and stealing the check that they were sending in to cover their last month's bill. That's pretty good. I like it. I mean, frankly, it's a little, I don't know if that's as elegant as the characters at some point in the very opening scenes of the movie or possibly with an opening text scroll saying in this world there are BT does

The movie starts going in spray. I was very young and it just pauses in the director walks I was hey I forgot to mention there's no cell phones in this world Kapish let's roll it. I think the, I mean, I know, in sometimes in horror movies, the scariest thing about what's going on is that their cell phone breaks or that it runs out of battery. That's always something I'm scared about having all the time. I mean, like the cell phone was the fucking crux of green room spoiler alert. No, but like that's, but just I'm saying the fear of my cellphone not working is a real fear I live with all the time. So like that's scary to me than

like that. A zombie is going to eat me or serial killers going to come after me. Yeah, like there's a few things more frightening than me waking up with a wicked hangover and be and seeing my phone like. Wicked hangover. Did I take somebody something really stupid? I don't like making a hangover. Did I take somebody something really stupid? What a movie. Has anyone made a movie about a guy with a really bad hangover who gets into all kinds of wacky adventures? That makes sense.

I mean, it certainly didn't make three of them. How hilarious, guys. What about a movie where these guys, they have a crazy night and they can't find their car and they're like, buddy, where's my car? What a good idea. Yeah, what about a movie about a fletch? Have they made one of those?

What exactly is this job again? Is he a reporter? He's investigating a world. Yeah, he's investigating a world. Congratulations. Oh, my God. You won our game. What's a fletch?

Oh, me. That's the first and last episode. Hey, what do you get? You get the home game of what's a flex? Oh, man. That's the first and last episode. You get you get you get a home you get the home game of what's a flex? It just comes with index cards is what's a flesh on it. Oh man, I guess I'll be game master when I play with my friends. If you win, uh, Chevy Chase comes

to your house and you have to be nice to him. It's like the fucking ring, dude. Go find me my cousin with my face on melt above. So this next letter, comedy legend, anyway, continue. It's from Monique Glass, name withheld. It goes like this. I recently watched back to the future with my eight-year-old son. I was around his age when I saw it the first time. I thought this would be a great film to share with him. There was a lot more rape in the movie than I remembered. We also attempted rape. Wait, are we talking about Fletcher? It's called. Or Fletcher the future.

Oh man, it's a middle ages movie. Back to the Fletcher. We need more arrows. It's the whole movie. We also picked up the Looney Tunes DVDs. And wow, these are hella racists, which left me wondering about other childhood favorites, movies that perhaps have been a little bit more interesting We also picked up the looney tunes DVDs and wow these are hella racist Which left me wondering about other childhood favorites?

Movies that perhaps shouldn't be rewatched as they may not live up to my happy childhood memories Maybe chunk doing the truffle shuffle. It's just body shaming a child and calling a mentally and physically handicapped Character sloth and laughing at him isn't funny. I mean, that's also a crappy movie I'm gonna say it go that's also a crappy movie. I'm just gonna say it. Goonies is a crappy movie. Are you just mad because at the end when they rip up the fucking contract, it's like they threw a million ripped up contracts in the air. You're like, I'm mad about that.

And because they referenced an octopus scene that was cut from the final film and it's a tease. But when he asks, are there other movies from your childhood that the tone was lost on you or just considered acceptable at the time that you would cringe at now? So. I mean, I, there definitely a, I mean, a movie that I still love that I, I mean, I, just to be clear, I watch a lot of old movies. So I'm constantly watching movies or I on cringing at certain parts of it. But like, Dumbo, I love Does a Kid and I still love but the crow's in it are a

little questionable. But there's like, there's a couple of sure. I mean, because they are, they're the only characters aside from Timothy Mouse who are nice to Dumbo. Like, they're heroes in the movie, but they're very much like cigar, Stogi, smoking, Pimp dressed out, you know, black guys were dancing around and singing all the time. So like that's, it's problematic. I guess it's not as bad as the Indians in Peter van Peter, oh my lord.

Or that one center that one center that they cut out of Fantasia, that's just not in it anymore. And you see stills of it and you're like, God, like how was that ever okay? It's like, horribly racist black centaur. But I mean, it grew on the 80s. There were a ton of movies that were, they were about, it was just taken for granted, like,

high school guys got to get vagina. Oh my God, dude. And they're gonna do whatever it takes to get it. Hey, that's fun, right? Like I remember, like, fucking 16 candles so many times a kid. Oh, Jesus Christ. And I remember, I remember like even when I was in like high school probably, or maybe in college, like reading, I think I read like an Adrian Tomine comic strip or something about it. And I got like, I mean, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, a woman warrior by

Maxine Hongkiss. It doesn't like the dream boat just hand over his drunk girlfriend. It's horrible, Michael Horror, all. And I remember trying to defend it for a while. And now, obviously, now I realize that it is a horrible, terrible movie. Well, even I remember being shown like Animal House. And believing like, this is really funny. And watching it being like, I don't, these guys are assholes. Like, this is this is really funny and Watching it being like I don't these guys are assholes like this is not I don't like it. There's just too much I'm wait. That's how you felt when you saw it originally. Yeah, when I was a kid Wow, you're a really in line

Does a kid well? I mean like I was I was never into like I mean those guys in the movie are like They're just assholes to people like I wasn't like yeah, you pulled it over on them. They're just jerks, you know? Yeah, I feel like that movie has a little bit of self-awareness of their assholes though. It's like looking back to an earlier time and being like, I don't know, it's playing off of like this nostalgia, but showing like that the people in the 50s didn't asshole.

I mean, like, I'm not excusing all of this shit in Animal House, because those are some terrible shit. I mean, there's even movies like Stripes or Stuff Like. There's a lot of movies in the 80s where it was like, women were made to have their tops ripped off. That's what they, or like, this was. Like screwballs.

Like screwballs. And these were the entire goals to, I mean. But screwballs is sleaze. Like that was not a major, like, beloved motion picture with major Hollywood stars. Like screwballs is garbage. And they knew it when they were making it. Like, I mean a movie screwballs down a peg like a movie like joysticks I'm not like joysticks you should know better than this like that's that's garbage it's crap

but uh something like I feel it was just very it felt like it was very like 80s comedies came from a very like man point of view where it was about women being things. You know, probably started with the fucking writing room and who was allowed to write movies back then. But I'm sure there's other stuff that I mean like, I mean, I know, they were always playing old cartoons on TV that were full of stuff. I mean, I've the really racist ones were off the TV by the time we were watching. There's so much like, gay panic too. I mean, and movies that I have talked about by enjoyment for the very silly movie monster squad.

But there's like that movie starts off with kids being, like I think it starts off with drag hill and get enough with the hells. Yeah, but I mean, don't touch me. I should. A little word or something. As soon as they go to like, I'll totally gay. Oh,

yeah. As soon as they go to school, like the kids are throwing around, like some homophobic slurs, like writing like the third scene of the movie. Yeah, that stuff's not not great. Although kids do talk that way. Kids do talk. If it was, there's, I wonder when, yeah.

Not those fucking little nerds and stranger things. They're cool, dude. Yeah, they are. They're super cool. I said rolling my eyes. But there's, there is a lot of, hey, look, a lot of the, the, the progress of American cultures towards greater enclosure and inclusion and less blind negativity towards the other

but uh you know there's i wonder what stuff in the future will look back on i'm sure people aliens will look back on independence day and be like that was racist certainly not any episode of this podcast Certainly not any episode of this podcast Look when it's late at night, I know you're gonna listen to the early episode of this podcast, please You probably shouldn't be listening to this one, dude Yeah, there's a lot of stuff The inclusion of all the do-dets in the audience, but then you look you took you look at a movie You look at a movie. I'm just pretty in line, Dan

Yeah, but I look at the movies that made the biggest impression on me as a kid. Dark Crystal, Gremlins. Gremlins 2 and Robocop. And there's nothing wrong. I can find in those. I mean, I should not have been shown Robocop for the Ajo show. So you, which I'd like to take this moment to say, recipes to Miguel Ferrer, an amazing actor.

Do you die today? I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, thanks for bringing me down story. He was an amazing actor. Yeah. So sorry, you had to find out like this. This is really, technically the worst way to find out.

Well, you've been recording on a comedy podcast. I had to, at home, I was like, what the fuck? And then my wife, Charlene says, what's wrong? And I'm like, oh, an actor you don't know, just died. This is so good, even though he's amazing. He's amazing. He popped up in a movie, you knew he was the bad guy, right?

Kinda, I mean, he wasn't the bad guy in Twin Peaks. I think somebody, I reach here. I reach here to think, like that scene in Twin Peaks, where he gives that my log to Sheriff Harry Truman. It's amazing. Did he come back for the Twin Peaks revival? Did they like, they happen to be like, they CGI'd him like in a, like a grandmaw tariff again. They shot the Twin Peaks stuff already. I just was wondering whether they, no, they're one CGI. It's an also. But I will point out that to

tie it in with the movie watch tonight while checking IMDB, Jim Belushi's going to be the twin peaks. Really? See, that I would like to like that. I like that kind of casting I like. Oh, that's really sad. Sorry guys. So Dan, what what's the next letter? Sorry, I put the paper down and was thinking about Miguel for a year. Yo folks, this is from Michael last name with a very informal little Michael Myers is probably gonna kill us. If you could kill and eat one person from history to gain their power, who would you kill and eat? This one's easy. Me, I kill and eat one person from history. To gain their power, who would you kill and eat?

This one's easy. Me, I kill and eat Kevin Bacon. So henceforth, people would have to play the six degrees of Michael last name withheld. And we know what he tastes like. I love you, Michael. What's he with that? Asberries.

There was a, we went to, my family went to a farm recently. I don't know. Because when you have a three-year-old, you go to a lot of farms, look at animals. And there was a pig there named Kevin Bacon. And Sammy thought it was the funniest joke. He doesn't know Kevin Bacon is. He doesn't know it's a plan, words.

He just knows that Kevin is a name and Bacon is something that... I don't think the real wild was any good. He has not seen it. Sammy's not a fan of the works of Curtis Hanson, Jerdemann director. Look, I'm saying he does not familiar with what I'm saying. The name given making is funny. The thing about the name of that movie is it lets you know

that it's a thriller because you know what words in that title. Wild. Oh, I mean wild. Or it could be an 80s TNA movie. The River Wild. Or it's a character named River in that case. What was your it's a biopic of Oscar Wilde. The river comma wild. It's a guy's, you know, pointing out a river.

Wild is asking where his Frisbee landed. Someone selling him. The only thing worse than playing Frisbee is not playing Frisbee. I think it's a big fan of fralf. It's like, colleagues, come fralf your wild. Is that a muffin, baby? I think River Wild would also be a good name for River's Cuomo's first solo record. But he's very sedate.

That's a problem. So what was the question? Who would you be? So this is super easy. Yeah. Who's your answer? No question. I would eat Andre the giant.

For one, he's, there's a lot of him. So I know I wouldn't be because you were worried you would go hungry with a normal human being. Yeah. I know the portions eyes is appropriate for a growing Stewart And then also he's one Stewart and in his name he's a giant. I want to be a giant You want to be my giant? Well the thing I Kind of already and But no like this is a guy who's both wrestling skill and ability to consume alcohol is almost legendary.

Yeah, very much so. So Dan, who would you eat, I guess? I would either eat someone who I thought was, you're like Russ Meyers, I'm chimp. Yeah, we know. I would eat gentle brass done. I don't need that. I already have that in my life. No, no,

we, uh, you have the ability to convince women to just parade their butts around in front of your camera. Uh, I would either eat someone I think is a comedy genius. I, I crouch a marks for a Steve Steve Martin. Okay. Or I would eat that guy still alive. So this kind of counts as a threat. Yeah. Or I would eat a Paul Newman. Cause he's a beautiful man who aged magnificent. Well, you know that there's a little bit of Paul Newman in every bottle of Paul Newman salad dressing. Yeah, that's a little molecule of Paul Newman in there. So you'd kind of drizzle that on top of that

Paul Newman, Newman's own popcorn? Yeah, okay, it's a trick question guys. Any humans is wrong. I'll tell you what I want to eat the gain. It's power, a dinosaur. Okay. Give me one. Just any dinosaur?

I mean, I'd certainly rather have a therapist or one of the powerful carnivores, but I mean, given the chance, if you hand me like a little bit of like a plateosaurus or one of the more boring dinosaurs, I'm still gonna eat it, sure, definitely. It give me a Dometradon, which is technically not a dinosaur, I'll still eat it.

This looks like a dinosaur. What about a TeraDon? A TeraSora, yeah, sure, a TeraDactyl or Tranodon, yeah. Ranforinkus, any of those, give it to me. Because they look like Sauron, the dinosaur, man. The thing is, here's the thing, it used to be a lot easier to eat dinosaurs in your fantasies.

You just take a bite now, because of modern science, we know they're covered in feathers, you gotta pluck those guys first. I was just gonna get a mouth full of feathers. Sure. So there's one last. I gave a useful tip. You guys were talking about cannibalism,

I gave a useful tip, that's news you can use. There's one last email. It's a tip for teens. It's really quick. I'll just. Let's do this. Adam last name with held says Here for Loppers. I'm stuck. Do I watch the original taking of poem one two three or castle freak? I think it's time we had the ultimate bout between these two classic classic What the ice We had the ultimate bout between these two classic classic. What the ice? There's a type one here. So I don't classics.

Yeah, blame the of cinema. It's a poor carpenter down. Elliott and Stuart defend yourselves. We're in the Thunderdome now. Well, taking a pill a month or three is a genuinely great movie. Castle Freak is, uh, go on. It's, it's fine for let it. It's a to my face.

I would say only one of those movies is going to leave you not feeling grimy afterwards. I should have both like feeling kind of grimy. Yeah, 70s New York, baby. Yeah, but that's cool. Grimy as opposed to Italian, the castle as opposed to monster man, devouring of prostitute alive. Grimey. That does happen.

So I mean, Jeffrey Holmes' performance is great. It's difficult to compare Castle Freak a movie I like very much with Elliot's favorite movie. But they're both great and we live in a free society. You shouldn't be, you're not forced to only watch one. That's true. You can watch one after another, watch one and then watch one later. Watch Castle Freak, then when the kids go to sleep, put on that, taking a fellow one.

Wait a minute. I mean, neither is Chad Childe from me. I've been telling Sammy recently, I've been saying, telling him about movies I'm going to show him when he's older. So my favorite movie, Sammy, I'm going to show you when you're, I think 12 and he's like, okay, and that's like a decade from now. That's nine years. You're talking about what? Castle Freak.

That's what I was like. Take the hell of one to three. I'm going to say, eat you the three. He's gonna say easy to kill Like you're 12 you can handle it. He's like, oh no, but wait till the guy takes off his sweatshirt And he's totally buff underneath it's hilarious It's worth getting through the horrible stuff for that All right, so no definitive answer there. It's the question lost to the ages. I mean, who knows?

Write in and tell us which one you watched. Watch them both tell them which one you like more. We're don't. We're, Stuart and I are very secure in our opinions in our tastes. We don't need someone else. In your manhood. Very much.

I mean, I have created human beings, so I'm incredibly secure in my manhood. A little boy came on Elliot's ball sack. You just have to, half of him. Leaked out of him. Like a thing. Like a thing. He was like a thing.

Like a thing. He was like a thing. Like a thing. Like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. Like a thing. He was like a thing.

He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. He was like a thing. Stuart, I want to talk to you about your spec porn script for this porn parody of Alien.

Where the Alien bursts out of a guy's scrotum. Seems like a mistake. It seems like it's not sexy. It's not a very trenchant way to go about it. It seems like you're missing some obvious choices. And you're very clearly the alien that bursts out of the person's chest should be a weiner and then a lady should have sex with that weiner or a dude I don't know look whatever you want to do, but also the title scrotum alien It lacks a certain subtlety. I think it's a pretty good pun

I don't exactly what you're gonna get. No, that's the beauty of it. That's fair That would yeah, and we're like Edward Pena sands., Edward Pena Sands is a much better play on that title. So yeah, you look at really Scott's movie, Alien. It's called that because there's an alien in it, dude. Good point. How is it any less blatant than Scrodom Alien? Yeah, right. Good point in Prometheus is called that

because it's got a Prometheus in it. Also, Scrodom Alien is gonna be able to draw from two different banks of interest. People that are interested in scrotum related activities. Your sci-fi fandom, which is very big right now. Oh, it's huge. And scrotums, like half the population has one, and the other half, a lot of them are interested in it.

I mean, I don't know if I can say that. I'm not gonna love the post, it's not scrotum. Well, they probably like the texture of the skin. I was reminiscent of this, this guy you might find on a chicken. Yeah, or someone's elbow. Maybe it would be a pretty, it would be a pretty weird version of Mel Gibson's

What Women Want. If he learns what he finds out, he can hear their thoughts and all their thinking about his scrotals. And he's like, really? Of all the parts of a man's body, that? The deflated basketball part? The best of the fast forward many years

in Mel Gibson is this like shattered broken. He's like racist man. They're all like, it's all because of the scrotums. Yeah. So I'm seeing him in my waking nightmare. He's got a wall that's all pictures of scrotums with pieces of yarn going on. Oh, I just, I have a crack the code.

It's conspiracy doesn't make sense. Damn you, time I fell in a bath with a hair dryer and gained women based on empathy. No. What a stupid movie. No, I mean, I think I feel like that's one of those movies that everyone knew was stupid. The moment it was announced, like, right? So I mean, I think I feel like that's one of those movies that everyone knew was stupid. The moment it was announced, like, right? It wasn't, it's like the young Pope of movies.

So what do we do now on this podcast, Dan? The last of this death march of a podcast. Lastly, we recommend movies that we actually liked movies you should watch instead of Home Sweet Hell. Anyone got anything good? I got one if you don't, if you guys don't want to go first. So I was thinking this is a movie about an unhapp, a guy in an unhappy marriage who turns to an affair to get what he wants.

And I did recently, not too long go see a movie about that same subject that I liked, except for the very ending and that's Penny's from heaven, starring Steve Martin and Bernadette Peters and Christopher Walken as a small role in it. And I'm sure everyone's heard of before redances. And it's set during the Depression. It's an adaptation of the British mini series of the same name that Dennis Potter wrote. And it is about a sheet music salesman, the depression who is, he dreams of owning a music store. And his idea of what life is supposed to be

has been informed by the popular songs of the era. And that shells him what, love is supposed to be, what success is supposed to be, what happiness is supposed to be. And he lies and seduces a school teacher into an affair and their lives kind of spiral out of control. But it's very much a musical where the performers are lip syncing to the songs of the era and the musical numbers in it are gorgeous.

A lot of them and the dancing is really good. The movie itself is super bleak and the ending, they tack on a kind of fantasy happy ending that's supposed to be a fantasy, but it makes the whole thing that much bleaker. So the ending I actually found, it made it too unpalatable, but up to that point, I really liked a lot. And it was Steve Martin is playing a main character who is not a likable person, but at times gets your sympathy, but does bad things. And it's a bleak movie, but it's an interesting tonally, what's the one I'm thinking about?

It's just an interesting movie, and the musical numbers are really good. All right, so Elliot recommends Bleak House by Charles Dickens. No, Bleak Movie by Herbert Ross. I watched a movie that's still in theaters. It's called Manchester by the Sea. Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. Oh, you'll see that movie? Do a little more. Can't get that movie from Jason Affleck, the bean town bad boy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Bean town bad boy, Casey Affleck strikes again Boston,

Jules Stolen Boston Batman after Casey Affleck B-Town Batman asked about his brother. We got a wicked crime over here Robin. B-Town Batman. Getting the back off. I'm Batman. No, I don't touch that. It's hot law.

Harvey Dent, can we trust him? Oh, wow. Harvey, Commissioner, we got to find a Joker. Stupid accent. Great town, though. Great town. This is time to announce that live show in Boston. The fire rises.

Oh, wow. I don't think it's any secret that I'm not a very happy person a lot of the time. Oh, poor dude. I was having a bad day. My thoughts were bleak, much like the movie pennies from heaven. And I made plans to see Manchester by the sea and almost immediately regretted it thinking, what the hell, why would I,

what am I doing to myself? Is this movie just gonna make me want to kill myself? What's going on? Mm-hmm. What's going on? I don't know what's going on, too. But this, you expect another laugh riot balls to the wall action could to action flick

from Kenny Lonergan. Famed comedy action auditor, Kenneth Lonergan. But well, the thing is, when I got there, I mean, I'm thinking about Kenneth Lonergan movies is they're not, they're not wacky comedies by any stretch. They're not like, Bore, imagination. No, yeah. But there is a lot of humor in his work. Like, he, um, he's very talented with,

his characterization is so specific and so human that there's a lot that's funny about it, even when the situations are tragic. And Manchester by the sea is almost ridiculously tragic in the situation that it depicts. But the cinematography is beautiful, the performances are great. I mean, you know, people have said a lot of things about Casey Afluck, but it is a bean town bad boy. But yeah, I said that. Quilt one stew or well, it's a shell Williams and Kyle Chandler are excellent in it. The kid whoever he is is Jack Fugan, I guess. But if you're scared of the movie, right?

The kid, I guess I'm saying if you're scared of the movie because you think it's just going to depress you, it's just a movie. It's just a movie. It's just a movie. There's no actual wishmasters. You can get lost through the wax work portal at time. That reminds me of the much, much left about tagline for the new rings movie, which is a sequel to either the ring, ring, or the ring two, where the tagline on the poster just says,

first you see it, then you die. Interesting invitation. And also, it's a description of every movie ever made. Very true. Yeah. But then in compasses a certain amount of time. Yeah. The point is, Manchester is by the sea is so good that even if you're feeling awful, you're going to find a lot to enjoy. So, moep, don't walk. It's a Manchester by the sea. I don't know. I mean, I'm kind of a believer in the idea of like, if I'm feeling down sometimes listening to like,

hilariously depressive music can make me feel a little better. Yeah. Or like watching something I think, you know, watching something, my wife and I are a little different. She doesn't like watching stressful things because her life is stressful enough. Whereas I like to watch super fucking stressful stuff because it helps me break the tension. Yeah. That sort of thing.

Mm-hmm. Kind of like a tharsus in it. Kind of on that note. The one misstep I think the movie has is when the dance party ending. Yeah, it's like the end of Zatoichi. That's great though, that end of Zatoichi. Yeah. And I love that they're all dancing. And the dancing is really good at the end of Zatoichi. No, the central tragedy of the movie, which happens around the know, around the middle portion of the film. No spoilers.

I won't say what it is. It is almost hilariously tragic, like it is so far into the realm of tragic that it's like, like the sort of thing that if we were just joking around, there's a decent chance we would fucking hit it in a super sweet three-point shot. Yeah. But so this horrible thing happens in the middle of the movie and it is scored to the most overbearingly dramatic like classical piece of music with like Karmina Burrana. Huge percent of it. Like I don't know if it is church music but it sounds like like classic.

So it's kind of like in platoon when when they're playing that classical music over him at the end and you're like, I get it. Yeah, exactly. And you're like, I get it night out. Oh, hallelujah. It's the sort of thing where we're doing it with Sally Jupiter. Great. This would be a lot more effective if there was just no music and it played out in just reality. Instead of just I'm walking on sunshine. there was just no music and it played out in just reality. Instead of just, I'm walking on sunshine. Whoa.

I mean, you know, I'm glad the Katrina and the waves got their little taste. They got a little sweet resist. Canny Lotto can always say, if I'm making money, Katrina and the waves are making money. Yeah. That's the deal I made with the devil. That's why their music scores my hit play lobby hero.

Anyway, it's good movie. See it. Let's do. I'm going to recommend, I'm actually going to recommend two series of movies because by the time this comes out, you'll have about a month or so before each of these horror movie franchises are going to get a fancy box set. I know one of them. So I'd recommend checking these out. I probably recommend some of these movies individually, but I think there's a great time for you to check them out.

And also this will be a great time for me to fucking finally see the last one of these. I'm going to stop beating around the bush. The buildup. So the first, the first, well while I'm going to recommend the, the Phantasm movies and the Wishmaster movies, both of those are a little bit like, I'll say be horror movies. I, I think I'm being a little unfair to Phantasm. Phantasm is slightly above that level.

Is above that level. Wishmaster is very. But they're both kind of, they're both low budget horror movies. Yes. And the Phantasm movies are genuinely great and they get more interesting as the series, maybe not as the series goes on, but they're just interesting and strange and weird.

Well, the mythology certainly, the mythology definitely defense. And the story goes places you don't expect it to. Exactly. And that's a definite joy to that. And the fact that each movie begins immediately where the last one left off is amazing. No matter how much time has passed for the actors.

Yep. You're like, wait, how does that guy have no hair? He had hair in the scene. And this is going to be the first time that some of these movies are going to get like a blue ray treatment at all. So that's great. And I actually haven't even seen the fifth one yet.

I haven't seen Fatten has some ravager even though it's been available. I just haven't. When did it come out? I think it was on VOD for a little while there. I haven't seen it. I feel like I missed the window or something. And I'm dumb and lazy sometimes. So that's what happened.

And I kind of want to know that I'm going to have a big chunk of time so that I'm dumb and lazy sometimes. So that's what happened. And I kind of want to know that I'm going to have a big chunk of time so that I can sit and watch it all the way through. Watch it. Yeah, I want to do, I want to run the series unmoleasted. You know, get your corn, get your giant soda. It's going to require me to set up some kind of a wacky babies day out for my wife. And the other series is, uh, because gangsters are chasing earlier. Was that what happens to that movie? I think her story. He swallows a dime into something.

Yeah, Charlene is walking across a girder while they're trying to follow her. And the, and then the other series is the Wishmaster series, which is definitely a goofy B-hor movie series. The first one is, is really great and fun. I think they definitely go downhill after that, but there's still moments. It depends on what your mileage was at with that thing

and so obviously take it with a great assault. I will say that the first one manages to feature a ton of great B Horror movie actors, including Phantasm Superstar, Reggie Bannister himself, who plays the character Reg in the in the fantasy movies. Just just was seeing the fantasy movies. The character Bannister, the living Bannister. And seeing Reg go from the sidekick essentially, the countryside kicked being the hero of

the film. It's really great. It's amazing. It's a magical moment. Well, it's the moment when he takes two double barrel shotguns and using a little bit of ingenuity turns it into a four barrel shotgun. Watch shotgun. I love that scene in like 80s movies where they're just like, we're gonna just like low tech create awesome new weapons. Well, we're just gonna duct tape a couple of things together and all of a sudden it's a super weapon.

I remember watching Phantasm 2 for the first time on a VHS tape and being like almost immediately being like, what the fuck? Is this wait? This is picking up immediately where the last one left off and not even really remembering the first one that much and having to like as soon as that one ended going back and rewatching the first fantasy because I had no idea what was happening.

Oh, it's great. Uh, that's it for us. We're dying. That's all I get. That's it. That's, is that all there is? To this episode, this this a long episode. So yes, longer than the movie again, we did it.

But we continued our contract with the devil. What are we getting out of this? Cosmetic. I feel like it's just like speed thing where if we ever record an episode shorter than the movie, Dennis Hopper, I'll blow us up devil.. That was like you got those sweet messenger bangs didn't you? Looks like I'm holding it my end of the blog in the classic fade up. I love it. All right, well let's sign off before this runs even longer. For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. Hey, um, steward Wellingham. Elliot Kayle and here saying, good night. So Charlene is really keen on the idea of getting everybody matching pajamas for the trip

to get to Daniel. They're gonna be pretty funny. It's feet, right? Yeah, with feet. I wear those. Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned.

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