The Flop House - Ep. #225 - Max Magician and the Legend of the Rings

Episode Date: March 4, 2017

Why is this movie not in Smalltember? Well, Stu said he wanted to watch Max Magician for his birthday, and we all said "fuck it." Meanwhile Dan doesn't know which corpse to punch, Elliott suggests an alternate course for Teen Wolf, and Stu has no pants. NO WIKIPEDIA SYNOPSIS for this film. Does it EVEN EXIST? Movies recommended in this episode: Moonlight The Edge of Seventeen Lost Soul My Night at Maud's

On this episode we discuss Max Magician and the legend of the Rings. Wait, we do? Why? Uh, it's Stuart's birthday. Birthday! Birthday! Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. What's up, it's me, Stuart Wellington. And I'm your littleest baby brother, Elliott Kaylee. Okay. I'm trying out some new material.

No, no, I like it. Tracks, it all tracks. Before we get on to the show. We got some business up top date. Let's discuss the elephant in the room. And by elephant, I think we all know what I'm talking about. I don't really know. Pain is just because I'm sitting in my underpants.

This is because Stuart is sitting in his underpants currently. There's a table between me and Stuart. So I can, I forgot that he is panceless at the moment, wearing just his skivis and then a hoodie with the hood up. So at this point in the flop house. So the paint a picture, Stuart looks like the unibomber in his underpants. So this point in the life span of the flop house, what happens is I am in my apartment.

I'm waiting for food to arrive. We're contemplating the dark corners of the room. So we won't see a really yellow wallpaper situation. We order and take out for a steward in myself. Ali, of course, comes with his Popeyes. I have the door open. OBB always be Popeye. The door is open to my apartment in defiance of safety.

Yeah, and now you're giving away, you're giving away all the information. No, it's not. You're just asking for a chud to walk in. But what, instead of a chud walking in, what happens is, a chub walked in. Steward walks in every time. you're a half a wrecked. Yeah, okay good say

Stewart knows take okay, you're cool chick Stewart knows of my Apartments doors probably unlocked waiting for him to show up So yeah, I was reading the door though, but I should just walk in. Yeah, I can. And then you say your catchphrase. That's why my exercises, palates. Oh boy. Anyway, you're saying, well, I like to open the door.

I say my catchphrase. Everybody, book and crap. Oh, you have for some art. He goes nuts. There's the only person I know where when he enters the room, an actual studio audience sound plays. I'm like, this is reality.

No one's watching this. It's like, sometimes it's a slide whistle, you never know. But where I'm headed with this is, Keepem Guesson, that's one of my catch phrases. I hear the door open. And he opens the door goes, keepem Guesson, and then walks into a pause in slide whistles. I hear the door open.

I'm in my living room watching the TVs. I hear the door open. I decked my head down the hall to see. Also, you're like, oh, oh, wild things was just playing. I just happened upon it. I was watching like, why not leave it? I was watching it as a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, me and Urgent thought it was hilarious, right? We're not turned on by it. No, we like the tongue and cheek ironic nature. Both things can be true, but I cannot. Dan, I look down the hallway. And the first thing I see is Stewart methodically taking off his pants. The methodically written to bot gas as opposed to Stewart, what ripping his pants off like a bear who is somehow his pants on.

Yeah, I've not put that past Stewart. Yeah, I scratch my legs up against a tree trunk. So the bark rips my pants off. I'm imagining Stewart on the ground, like taking your pants off the way like a child takes their pants off or they're just kicking them off. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I have a child. I've seen him take his pants off, yeah.

Stop bragging. So that's the way he takes his shoes off. He's still sitting in a stroller. He kicks his leg as hard as he can so that his shoe flies off of his foot. Like as if it's hurling towards a ninja that's coming at him. Now, I think that all the listeners are probably wondering because we've established that it's not wearing pants.

What is he wearing? He's got, hold on. He's got striped some boxer, hold on. Got striped some boxer briefs on. Okay. What is it? What color are they? I don't want to look too closely again. I, you're like, they're like a navy in a white. You're right. It's hard. It's hard to tell color from distance. Yeah. Yeah. That's why people don't know what color the sky is. Because it's so far away. It's the gold or blue dress situation all

over. We don't need that. No, but we've established the what of Stuart's pants situation. We haven't just established the why of Stuart's pants situation. Well, Sherlock, let's keep going. We don't yet have a motive for the crime. No, I just, I think the listener is wondering why. It's an anticlimactic reason. To be honest, I think the listener at this point just, no, they need to know is it's steward. If I was sitting on my pants left, they'd be like, this is weird.

Where is pants on fire? But with steward, I think they're just okay with it. Yeah, all right, the short, short reason is it was raining outside and steward's pants got wet. So we thought the best solution was pants removal. Just don't forget you left them here, Stu. That's true, that's a good point. You don't forget you left them here, Stu. That's true. That's a good point. You don't leave without putting those things back on. I'll slap my forehead and say,

do and people will clap because that's my other catchphrase. That's your catchphrase. The other thing about Stuart today. Okay, and then we can get to what this podcast is, what we do on it. Is this his birthday? Okay, it's a birthday podcast. Yeah, I mean, actually this episode will be released like a week after Stewart's birthday. Yeah.

We're recording it his birthday weekend. Yes. His birthday span is a whole weekend because he's a special little boy. I didn't really, I had a really good year, you know, so I deserve a whole weekend. So that plays into the rest of the show, but we'll just say that this is a podcast. We're watching bad movie and then we talk about it.

And now usually we watch a recent big budget Hollywood blockbuster. Yeah. But so if you saw the title of this episode and you're like, rack in your brain, you're like, I don't remember this movie coming out and movie theaters. Maximly. and you're like, wrecking your brain, you're like, I don't remember this movie coming out and movie theaters, you're basically. Max Magician, who was in that? Was that like, Kirin Culkin and Anna Chlumsky, big stars like that? Was it, was it, big stars like,

like Danny Trejo and the late Taylor Negron? Yeah. Yeah. Is that, is Robert Morse the lead in that movie? Does he play Max Magician? Is that Robert Dobby? Was he in this? Is this Robert Picardos? Most recent picture? Robert Picardos joint. That's how it's the credits proclaim it. No, Stuart came in and he goes, it's my birthday. It's my birthday today.

I said, I want all pantsless. Yeah, but also leaking in a Norma's lollipop with a slingshot. I got it from my birthday, dude. I still wanted to watch something special for his special day. Yup. And after giving them a couple options, I then just picked the one I wanted to watch, which was a DVD that we received in the mail and announced on this very podcast. Yeah, Max, many moons ago. And the legend of the rings.

No, normally this is the sort of thing we would save till small timber. Small timber. But, uh, wait a minute. So this wasn't like a big budget. Did you release the prize in the last? But all those big-named stars we mentioned, like Robert England.

What about the stars of this movie? Like, uh, hold on to be fair, we looked up the reading the back of this box. Like Max Reed spells. One of the one of the actors in it. There's no one listed as an actor. And as we saw, one of the actors in it was in Argo. Mm-hmm. And Cecil be demanded and other real movies. There is a three and a half star review on the front of this DVD from the science fiction Chronicle, whatever that is. It's a director's mom magazine.

A fantasy epic in the tradition of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Not a value judgment, just a simple statement of fact. But I mean, that is, that is crafted for a whole course. To see it's that it's in that tradition is stretching somewhat. So should we talk about this is an incredibly low

budget film. Yeah. From to the floppas we like to punch up, you know, Nope, but this time we are punching so far down my fist got stuck in the dirt. As if I was trying to punch a buried corpse take that Benedict Arnold. I feel I mean, I'm forget a punch a corpse. That's a good choice. That's a good one to punch. Yeah, Hitler's body burned So I can't punch that one. No, who would I punch what what dead person when you punch down? What if it's just like my great grandpa weird. Okay, that's strange.

Did you ever know him? No, I have no idea. So why would you do that? I just don't want to forgive you. I think he'd forgive me. I don't want to, I realize halfway through it. I don't want to spread that kind of anger in the world. So wait, okay.

I mean, so I got to do it to someone. Even knowing that like Richard Nixon's corpse is like just lying there in a coffin. So that was a good one. I feel like cultural perceptions have shifted so much over the years, like even in my lifetime, that like probably what people from like hundreds of years ago would say as like a joke would be like super offensive now. So I probably wouldn't feel that bad

about just punching any old corpse. Yeah, you probably said something that wouldn't fly now. So I probably wouldn't feel that bad about just punching any old corpse. You probably said something that wouldn't fly now. Good boom. Yeah. This is a fantasy movie. I can say. So this is this movie director had a fantasy that he can make a movie. Okay, dance it back maybe like taking a couple minutes. Recharge your batteries. Recharge your Joe batteries. I feel like I am no pretty well there. The skinny was getting out of control.

I rented it to the Punisher, and that was the problem. Yeah. So, let's say that this is a- So the movie opens with a chasey. Well, I just want to make one thing clear. This movie, if you watched, if you've seen your average Misty Monday film, and you said,

what if there was a children's fantasy film that has slightly higher production values than a few lesbian or a few lesbian tarp orgies and more of the same kind of cheap magic special effect over and over again? We have our animal reaction shots. Yeah, that's a fair point. Then this is the movie for you.

We open. Even more ADR work. We open. The whole thing is ADR. Every single voice is dubbed. And so we open in media res. People are running through a wood. There's a point of view shot that we see many times

that seems to have been shot from the point of view of a bass at Hound, or perhaps like a small road into some kind. The laces on somebody's tennis shoes. Yes, and no matter, even when a character is riding a horse, the same POV shot is used to show them movie through the forest as if this is some sort of, I shrunk the kid's type scenario. Yeah, everyone is smaller than a blade of grass.

And they're hiding in the fat locks of the horse as it's right in the grass. Speaking of, I went to the circus today. Yeah. And guys, I saw some amazing trick riding on horses. Did you? My mother took my family out to the Ringling Brothers circus, their final season, they're shutting down

after 140 some odd years. And let me tell you, nobody throws more people onto a stage doing crazy things all the same time better than the greatest show on Earth. Also, there were some animals and it was really cool, but I still felt bad at the same time. I'm very excited about this because I have a ticket to go to the circus next week.

And when I say a ticket, yes, it is a single ticket to go to the circus alone. Is there anything sadder than the sentence I just said? I think it sounds like a cutscene from anybody. Highlander movie where Conor Any Loud is going to kill like a highlander that cries out of horses. Can you see my depressing sentence to raise me? Dan, here's what make it sadder.

And I what I want you to do. Yeah. Is I want you to get one of the light up toys toys like a light up sword or one of those things that just World's little filaments that I love for it so far and I want you to sit there in the dark Holding it and pressing the button that makes it go Now this is by yourself. This is completely unrelated Dan But do you know the phone number for the kiss cam for the circus? You know the number you call seeigg instead of a kiss cam shot completely unrelated

Works is you call ahead like a resume than restaurant. Yeah, do you know the number off the top of your dough? Here's what I like about the levels of reality of this joke one that circuses have a Kiss cam Not just supporting events because that what they're trying to do at a circus is distract you from the lack of activity on the stage. My making you look at video of someone in the stams number two. Yeah.

That you can arrange one of the stuff on the stage after the horses get done. You can arrange one of these ahead of time. Number three that Dan knows the number. He might have seen that while I was getting his tickets. And number four, that even though Stuart is not going to be there to see it, he really wants the awkward moment of Dan by himself on a kiss cam. Holding some kind of a light up thing. Like a light up sword or horse's head or something or an like looking for someone to kiss. Yeah. He has nothing to kiss, but his own hand curved into the rough shape of a mouth, which he would then kiss too long and they'd have to take the kiss cam away and point it to

somebody else. Yeah, and I would scream, don't, don't back on me, back on me, back on me. Come on. Is this what you wanted? No, no. Guys, there's been another great episode of Elliott Explained Stewards jokes. Hey, come back next week. Stuart's gonna make another stupid hashtag. When I was a kid, I saw a little show called Clear Six Explains at all.

And I felt like, you felt like you didn't explain it at all. Am I presumptuous enough to think that I can explain it all? No, but Stuart's jokes. Did she ever explain her relationship with that dude who's always climbing through her window? Yeah, they're friends. He's like Bob or something? Yeah, no, Bob is the evil spirit between pigs.

Oh, it's also climbing through windows. It's the thing. And he possesses her brother Ferguson. No, her friend Sam was just a friend. Yeah. Their pals. They're quite tonic now is her brother Ferguson related to the cat Ferguson from the TV show, The New Girl.

You've been probably one in the same. Yeah, he pissed off the wrong lowkey god of what she became worse of the teenage witch. She turned him into a cat. Change her name to Sabrina. Sabrina. Sorry. Which of the teenage witch and she turned him into a cat. Change your name to Sabrina. Sabrina. Sorry. The teenage witch.

If you guys not all the magic in the world, they disappointed look. I'm just saying. Elliott is giving me. Any grown man should know the name of that character. It is Dan McCoy. It is old timey comic strip reading Dan McCoy. The whole point. I'm sure it's very familiar with the work of Dan DeCarlo. I know. I know it was Sabrina. I knew it was Sabrina. But joke was that Melissa Joan Hart played both characters

and I just fucked it up. That's it, it was just a simple fuck up. And I think we should all just put this sadness behind us. Well, that was this episode of Elliot Explains Dan's jokes. Now let's get back to the movie, huh? Magician Max and the thing of the bing. Anyway, so, somebody's running. So we get some tight shots on feet running through the forest.

And we sense there's multiple figures being chased by someone. Yeah, that two guys are being chased by some sort of hooded villain of a sort. The villain kills them. Mm-hmm. And then would they drop like a scroll or something? Of course. The scroll is then discovered by a local jim there. By a local man named Mr. Tim, we'd better find out.

Yep, okay. Cut to a house. Sure, okay. And it's the home of any old house. Any town you say, it's Magician Max himself. He's a nerdy kid wearing a cape, practicing magic in his bedroom. But it's time to go to school.

But his mom will not let him wear that cape at school. Because she is a mom who knows how other children would react to a cape. They, like a cape to a bowl, they would charge it. Yes. A cape is another one of those things. Like the previously mentioned on a previous podcast, Fedora. That was last episode.

A thing that a child thinks is cool, but everyone else knows, including other child children that are ahead. For the child, other Lee Childs. Lee Childs knows. No. If anyone's gonna wear that cape, it's Lee Childs. But the thing is, the kid wearing the Fedora,

like he looks like a cool detective, Dan. All the other kids' or respect is authority of being an detective. Sure, the fact that he's just wearing kid clothes with a fedora on top, he still looks like a cool detective. It makes him look older. Yeah, so he can hang out with teenagers. So our hero's not a teenager, he's just a boy to cape.

No, he's about 13 and a missing. So that is teenager, I guess. Even though a kid wearing a cape, that makes him look older too, because older people wear capes like Dracula's They all this people So we get a shot of Max's bedroom and you guessed it everybody He's got oversized playing cards all over the place and a computer and a TV

Yeah, it's regular Batman. Yeah, they're all trophies from his various adventures bedroom ever. Yeah, they're all trophies from his various adventures. He has the bedroom that like when I would lie in bed asleep at night and fantasy not asleep, I'd be awake because I was terrified that zombies would come to me. But I would be like dreaming about what my ultimate like your kid bedroom, my ultimate kid bedroom fantasy would be and it would be just like this. It would be me with a cape. I've playing, because what looks to be a tandy computer in the background. Hey, me just ready to play this movie was made in 2002. Ready to play whatever like, with number, number of crunchers or whatever that.

I've got a hot on some fucking news groups. Yeah, right. Slowly download one porn picture. You could hop on alt.sypsons.rek and talk about what Bart said last night. I mean, it's the internet. Yeah, the time that Simpson's are like the new adventures of Lois and Clark. Yeah. I guess it was called Lois and Clark and the adventure is Superman. Exactly.

You got it. You got it, buddy. Got it into. He also has his own TV, which looks to be a black and white set, probably what the family used to keep in the kitchen until they got a color set for the kitchen. That black and white set got kicked upstairs to the bedroom. So starwipe to the parking lot of a mostly abandoned school. Yeah, it's, he seems to live in a town where most of the people were destroyed by some sort of tragedy of plague.

Well, have you ever seen the leftovers? It's kind of like that, exactly like that. Because in the leftovers, they say like what, like, 1% of the population or some shit got raptured, but it feels like everybody got raptured except for all these fucking losers. And all they have left to eat is leftovers because all the chefs got raptured, but it feels like everybody got raptured except for all these fucking losers. And all they have left to eat is leftovers because all the chefs got raptured. That's the thing about the title of the show. Is it mean it's double-meat?

It's just a bunch of shepherds pie. That's all it is. I mean that sounds great. For ever. I mean, that's true. I wouldn't want to eat it only that. But that's a solid meal. No, it is a solid meal. But to me, all leftovers are shepherds pie. This is more about your life, I think. I mean, most people I think would be like pizza.

Yeah. Chinese food. Mm-hmm. I mean, if you're Jeffrey Donner, where are you from? We're in the United States. Chinese, where are you from? Okay, now you're in the United States.

I just like the idea of, wait, hold on, Chinese pizza. What do we got on that? We got some noodles, probably. Noodles, maybe some rice. No cheese, that's for sure. No, some sesame chicken. Instead of tomato sauce, it'd probably be like, either a sesame sauce or some kind of brown sauce

or perhaps a general sauce, kind of sticky sauce. So is the crust like a scallion pancake? You know it. I love them Scalli pans. You're kind of a Scalli pan. But what would take the place of the cheese, like noodles, like a long flat noodle, like a chow fond or something? Yeah, what a, there's not really a bunch of cheese

in Chinese food, huh? No, there's not. That's what I'm saying. Like a tofu, some sort of tofu. No, you're talking tofu, okay. What about, what about those famous Chinese crab ringoons? Um, okay. There's the cheese in those, dude. Yeah, the most Chinese, the most authentic Chinese food. That is has rangoon, which is not a part of China in it.

So what happens is this kid goes to school. He gets bullied by other kids. He gets vaguely bullied. The kids that are bullying him are if anything is only affectionate friends They kind of like muttussel is hair, but he touched the girls wanted to show the magic trick But uh oh Because in my experience girls love magic You know who's experience girls love magic. Yeah What's the guy who's on that get mystery from the game? Well, that's true and from yep, he shows him a magic trick. Next thing, you know, his penis is inside them. That's the magic trick.

All right. There's a couple of steps. Show is the couple steps in between, but yeah, pardon me. I'm just. It's called, it's called, uh, it's called Chris Angel body freak. Mm-hmm. Wow. Okay. So he is briefly bullied. He shows them a magic trick which ends with a bully getting egg yolk on his head. The bully doesn't like that. Chases him right into the hands of Mr. Tim, the man that we saw earlier finding that magic scroll. Now they immediately bond because they're wearing matching denim buttoned down shirts. They look like they're both going to go work at home.

Yeah. matching denim button down shirts. They look like they're both gonna go work at home. They're both. And then he goes to the janitor's house, I guess, and the janitor's like, hey, dude, you know, magic's real. Read about it in this fucking book. And Max is like, I can't wait to read this book that has like four pages in it. It is the slimmest magic tone. It looks like they took a menu from a a probably the fanciest restaurant in town,

which was like, you know, a band against and just kind of poured tea and and held a lighter up to the paper to make it look old. And they wrote a bunch of magic spells in Papyrus, the most magical of all the fonts. Because it looks old. It's a kind of book that like I would find at the gaming store and take up to my mom and she's like $30 for this. There's only like four pages and I'm like, but mom, it's got all the rules for my guys. It's got all the most powerful spells. Make fog, get rid of fog, cause sticks to levitate, make mice from not mice, because those

are all the spells we see in reform throughout the movie But it turns out to be a magic spell book and when he speaks the words He opens up a tree door a magic portal that appears to be a door air brushed onto a tree and Like the tree appears to the tree wasn't there previously. That's right. Previous which is Leaves tree wasn't there previous. Oh, that's right. Previous, which is basically on tree leaves. That's like like when when think about how we could like offset the deforestation problem that the earth is facing. But not if every tree he creates has a magic door to crazy land in it. I mean, you just cut the tree down and close off crazy land. That's a good point. But then

deforested again. Oh, yeah. So he enters the door in the magic tree. Deforested Kelly. And anyway, go on. Ends up. Couldn't leave that one just from the table. You got it. You match it up. We were, we were, we were, we were, we were,

we were literally even leaving no money on the table. Dan decided to put $10 on the table and then walk away from it. That's effectively what just happened. We lost money on that joke. So he ends up in a forest that looks pretty much like everywhere else in the movie except on the other side it's magic. We know that because the mouse that he was with, he was with a mouse, can now talk. And that mouse's name, Cremble.

Of course. And Cremble is kind of like your sassy sidekick. He's the donkey from Shrek. He's the dragon from Mulan, which I think are both Eddie Murphy characters. Yep. Yeah. He is your wisecrack inside kick who's also a mouse. He immediately introduces Max to a talking hawk. When I say talking, I mean, they voice his overlay over footage over the same five seconds of a hawk on a limb looking around. It is never mentioned that the hawk would of course be the natural predator of the mouse. No. Instead, they're their buddies because they're both on the side of good.

They're both allies of the blue bell kingdom, which is a bunch of elves with pointy ears or under the threat of Lord Dagda, who is a demon man with curved ram horns, who sits in a cave, farting up a storm and telling his two henchmen that they suck. Yeah, he always has some lady come in his hair and he always talks shit to his henchmen worm. He has one henchmen worm, who to be fair, is not a winner.

He's like a kind of a droopy type, with a cowl on who always looks like he's pretty sad. And his other sidekick, whose name I did not remember, let's call him Rodrigo. He's an amnigomontoya type, but he works for the bad guy. Yeah. And he is wearing, as you said, an elseworld's Batman suit of armor. If there was, I assume there is a medieval Batman elseworlds, he's wearing that costume. But Max quickly gets, uh, he goes finds a stucco paper mache castle enters it at the beckoning of I mean, it's not just like stucco paper mache. It is like clearly like

Southern California style castle. Like that is what it is. It's like, let's cover it. I covered an avocado. Yeah. it's like what of the Southern California Architecture looks Cassidy enough that we can set our LARP at it does look like this castle should be the establishing shot for every other scene on modern family. But he goes into it and bite it in by a character who I have to assume was made up to look like the miracle worker character from from Princess Bride.

All right. Or like yogurt from Space Balls. And this character is hilariously speaking, rhyme all the time, like a regular Etrogan the Demon. Like a regular, regular Elliott Kalan. I don't speak in rhyme all the time. It's not a crime. You've been slined.

No, no. We're all the slime cup, bro. Uh, a giant. You bring this with you just for the purposes of that rhyme? It just in case it came up. Yes. I carry every object with me in this little pocket dimension. Just in case I have to rhyme with it.

Oh, damn. What's a rhyme for Wolverine? To be fair, rabbit Wolverine. I want to offload this thing. Wolverine? He's got you. Ben, Wolverine. Cause I want to offload this thing. Wolverine. He's got you. Ben, it's, hey, it's all that jazz star Ben, Verine. Watch out, Dan, rabbit Wolverine.

Oh, God. Oh, well, I guess I'm rabbit now. I'm going to the circus alone. I was a big room. His shoulders turns out as pockets. Yeah, I was irregular Ziggy. Guess I'm rabbit now. Anyway, he gets invited in. He has a sumptuous banquet. It's their first fucking mistake, dude. You never invite a vampire in. No, he's not a vampire. What? What? He had a kid. He's got braces.

Not everyone. Yeah. How's he going to bite people's necks with his braces? Oh my God, there's got to be some YA book about a fucking vampire kid with braces, right? There's gotta be, yeah, his fangs aren't growing in my life. And it makes one of them because he used to earn European A, dressed in suits all the time. Ha ha ha ha. Sounds like a book I read once, okay, go on.

What was the name of that book? Oh, no, kid vampires, it's called Benicula but a kid instead of a party. The Kidicula. And they suit them because it's see the kids at Kila. They see the kids at Kila. Yeah. Do you think that bunicula and eggplant wizard would hang out? Or do you think a bunicula would kill a bunicula would eat

eggplant wizard for sure? So it's not really with the premise of bunicula. It would be protagonist and antagonist then. Let's call them two sides of an issue. Sure. Because they're dialectic. Yeah, the stuff is good guys and bad guys. They have their points of view.

So they have a banquet which rivals the banquet in hook for uneatability of the things we see on screen. It's basically just motion and rice, I guess. And there's at least one or two just raw onions. Still with the onion skin on. And there's shots of extras passing bowls between them, almost dropping them. Like, they can't even do that properly.

You know how in any fantasy novel, the thing that every fantasy novel has in common is the loving description of food that they eat. Yeah, the game with runs all the stuff about capons and trenches of gravy. This is the opposite description of food that they eat. Yeah, the game with drones, all the stuff about capons and trenches of gravy. This is the opposite of that. Yeah, and we have a lot of, here's something I loved about this movie. Aside from the fact that all the dialogue is ADR'd after the fact that the music is hilariously overblown from what we're seeing and that it frequently pads itself out with POV shots

from the point of view of the small dog walking through a forest or perhaps I don't know a wombat. That the movie is full of extras in elf makeup and point of ears, literally standing still saying and doing nothing. Just in the background, I guess as if there are sentinels or guards, but they're just regular people. And so it looks like someone cast a spell that turned them all into statues at some point But maybe all that material got cut. Yeah, it's some kind of a curse that is trapping them in a state of suspended animation

Or in a state where they are miming motions and miming what they're supposed to be saying, but they don't actually say anything. No sounds come out Which is on for something where all the dialogue is ADR. Max is and the dinner is being hosted by a princess, whose name I don't remember, are Aramonella or something, Ariana? Or yeah, Ariana Grande. Yeah, I was princess Ariana Grande,

the largest of the Ariana's. But the dinner is brought. Ariana Vintay, that's a tweet that someone has done. A four short. Four short, damn. For short, just Google that right now. Two years ago done for sure. Yeah, for sure. Damn. Yeah. For sure. Like just Google that right now. Two years ago.

See how many of those come up? The number of hits will explode your computer because it's probably the most said joke in the past year or two. Stupid man. All right. Anyway, so that's a stream. I mean, I have this awesome piece. Everybody's fucking loving it.

They're chilling there and chill. They're all joking about we have this magician with us. Ha ha ha. You can't really do any tricks though. And then suddenly, and he's just like, I've never been to a fucking big boy party before. Is that gonna fucking be cool? Do I put the napkin in my neck or on my lap?

What do I do with this weird talking mouse character? It's talking mouse that's crawling over my food. When do I do seven minutes in heaven with the elf princess? What if we get in there and I throw up all over her? Is that what's supposed to happen? It doesn't sound like heaven to me. Yeah. But he doesn't have to worry about all that

because then a band of ruffians, who turns out the soldiers of Lori Daghda, although they look pretty much just like a bunch of. The same thing. Yeah, it's like. There's like one dude wearing a Skyrim character helmet and one dude wearing a Thor helmet. And they all have the same way as I can tell,

yeah, to discern the bad guys from the good guys is the bad guys are a little more overweight and they've gotten mallets. And the good guys have blue on their faces and elf ears. Yeah, they fight with stabs. Yeah, they do. What? No, I guess they're stabs, or staves.

I mean, they look like... They just look like sticks. They just look like sticks, man. They fight with sticks, yeah. So Max is like, this is crazy and immediately goes home. And that's a thing, the... Oh, the princess talking about it. We're talking about it.

And says, you're only hoping he goes home. When you are making a low budget film and you have not directed any other films before, I think what you should probably do is feature a complicated fight scene inside a feasting hole for your movie. And luckily, the director species of fantasy characters. Yeah, there's a weird sleigh stack just hanging out. And he is horrified and appalled by these gentlemen running and breaking up this. Yeah, all these warm-blooded creatures.

I thought he was going to be set up as like this kind of C3PO type character, but no, we only see him for two shots. I thought he was going to be some kind of diplomat from an entire race of lizard people that sees the humans fighting amongst each other. I guess elves, what are they, dude? They fighting amongst each other. I guess elves. What are they, dude?

They're humans and elves. I mean, that Lord Dagh does a demon man of some kind. Yeah. So here's the thing, much like Star Wars, we're just given these glimpses of other cultures and possible stories. And then we're allowed to fill in the backstory with our imagination. It's what makes the movie worth it. I thought you were going to say, sorry, go on.

It gives you a blank map with all these corners to fill out, man. That's what's so great about it. I thought you were going to say much like Star Wars, the hero tries to reject the quest Sorry, go on. It gives you a blank map with all these corners to fill out, man. That's what's so great about it. I thought you were going to say much like Star Wars, the hero tries to reject the quest by going home. And then he has to come back, though. Yeah, he goes, and his parents have been cooked alive by stormed police.

Or in this case, they allow him to have a pet mouse. Yeah. Which means he must go back on his quest. In one of the weirdest scenes for a parent to ever see, I would imagine, Elliot, you're a parent. Oh, yep. In a few years, when you see some of her men that fall over your son,

like not a pet mouse that you might get from a pet store. Like a catalog. Now, Elliot, the mouse catalog. The Sky Mouse catalog. That's a bat, I guess, the Sky Mouse. Now, Elliot, let me paint a picture for you. A few years down the line, you and your wife burst into your son's bedroom, okay? It's gonna happen. You've heard your son masturbating with a mouse. Yeah, you've heard your son masturbating.

You go and make a storm and the room still wreaks of a weird magic magic fogs. Oh, that's right, because it casts a fog spell. And you go in there and your son fully clothed is under the covers with a mouse. What do you do? I take a step back. I look at my wife. I say, let's come back in in five minutes. Sure. And I close the door.

And then I say, son, finish whatever you're doing. Let's pretend it didn't happen, and I'll come back in five minutes. That's not bad. You know, the correct answer for that, of course, is you open the door, you go out on the floor. And I'm a little too. We then walk a dinosaur.

Yeah. I love the correct answer would be like, I open the door and it turns out I'm a werewolf too, so he has nothing to worry about. And I finally have a heart to heart with him about how we're family of wearables. And then you both dunk basketballs and beat everybody up. Oh yeah, and surf on a van.

What if that was the way that movie went? If instead of him becoming a basketball star, he and his dad just go to the high school and beat everybody up. And the dads lived in town for years. So these were all his teachers too. And they're just mulling them. Yeah, I mean, they don't have like,

kill them or nothing, but yeah, you just beat the shit up. And it's like, what are you going to tell the cops? So we're all dead. Yeah. Anyway, so, uh, that, there's this weird scene where he, well, one, okay, one, we have had a mouse in the house since my son was born, not as a pet as uninvited vermin. Not a, the nose of vampire wasn't like, oh, come on in.

Oh, now you can come in whenever you want. It was a mouse. And I had two reactions. We had two different mice at two different times. One time my reaction was, I'm gonna kill this piece of shit. Yeah, were you super mad that it rode around on the little miniskooter that you ride around on?

Yeah. I'm supposed to be the motorcycle mouse. Now I've had many mice in different New York apartments. Usually I'm living let live. Unless you're literally pooping where I eat. I don't care. Just go like, oh, mouse. Now, I've had many mice in different New York apartments. Usually I'm living let live, unless you're literally pooping where I eat, I don't care. Just go about your business, mouse. My mice are honestly kind of cute.

I'm really serious. Here's the thing, the first time I was like, my son is in this house. Get out of here. Get out of here. But the second time there was a mouse that was just hanging out in our bedroom and I turned on the light and caught a glimpse of it

and it was so tiny and cute. I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna block up where I think he's coming from. Yeah. And it worked and I never saw him again. So if I walked in, I'd be like, but here's what happens with this with this movie. They walk in and he goes, it's my new pet mouse.

And the mother goes, you can't keep that. He goes, can I have it as a pet? The mother goes, no. And he goes, dad, can I have it? And the dad goes, mm. Yeah, if you keep it in a cage, almost as if I'll call your bluff on this. I dare you.

You can have that Pat Mouse because we, then, a week, that thing is dead of starvation. When you realize that you have a game boy to get to. The father character has some of the best ADR lines. No, it is crazy. It is amazing. And he also dresses like he is a part-time private detective. They're sitting at breakfast and he's just wearing

this incredibly loud Hawaiian shirt with like parrots all over it. Mm-hmm. But he's the only one who we found that had like actual other credits. Like he was in VEEP. Yeah, I mean, he looked like he was like a reporter. It looked like he was on his way to be Magnum P.I. Snowdouble.

He was in season three to method. I mean, from the way he actually looks, he looks like he's going to be Magnum P.I. as a math tutor. Okay, so. Where's the same kind of shirt? Yeah, because he wants to be cool like his client, Magnum. Let's go. We're going very slow on this.

Okay, so Max goes back to the magic world He gets trained by a wizard who for lack of a better word. I'm just gonna call black Merlin Merlin he looks like long what long brow from zoolers of magic mountain the But he's he's yeah, he's dressed up like a Chinese kill bill. Yeah, oh yeah, dressed up like a like what's the kill bill yeah oh yeah the mentor from the long long mustache long

new i don't remember and and uh... long black robe and he says and he is a famous wizard and max goes why don't you save the world he goes no this is your quest teaches him some more magic he does not like it when max is clanting around with his bow staff. Yeah, we get this great montage of Max doing magic tricks

with a bow staff, and then we get multiple reaction shots from two different animals and the Merlin character. But there's also a montage where they keep cutting to the Merlin character and Max standing in exactly the same place. Each time doing different things, but the montage cuts to them over and over. Like, so what I think is supposed to be a montage that takes a long time looks like it takes

roughly like 47 minutes. Yeah. It's the same way that this movie keeps doing like a wipe from one part of the forest to the other part of the forest. The wipes. We haven't. But the wipes. We have.

We have. Which we in every scene is a wipe effect. And it is, they're the most of trusive. The only way that could be more trusive is if they did like PowerPoint things where the screen like fractures and then spins around and then comes back together again. And then you see like family yearbook videos or things like that. And Stuart's live flop-outs power points.

You've never seen Stuart's live flop-outs power points. He uses all the transition effect. Where he's doing a transition effect, as a joke. As a joke, this movie does not seem to realize. Gotta show off, baby. Yeah, I have not seen Segway, at Blipestigways this unsuddle since home improvement. Was that the actual joke in like the symptoms

when Lisa's like there's a different, there are other wipes out of the star wipe and the home was like, why use hamburger when you have a steak? What was the, I mean, that's what he said. Star wipe. I was asking whether that was actually what, yes, but they don't use a Star wipe in this one.

They use a V wipe or a reverse V wipe. Clock wipe. They do a ripple wipe or, so many ripple wipes. They do a ripple wipe. They do a nipple wipe. A rubber ripple wipe. Yeah. And so there are three flashbacks in the same scene, all that feature different ripple wipes.

Because Max eventually learns the backstory of this world that Lord, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, D-Dag, It's the name of the fairy king from the Hellboy comics. Uh, I guess so. I never liked any of the fairy stuff in that. I mean, that doesn't change that it's true who are one, you know. Okay, continue. What do they called again?

The jaw. The, the, the, Og Drew, Jahad. Yeah, the Og Drew Jahad. Thanks. That's what I was in it for. Anyway, any of the stuff that involved Hellboy being the son of King Arthur, I wasn't so in tune. But anyway, spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert. That is a pretty big spoiler, like I heard about Hellboy. Well, I mean, the, spoiler alert, spoiler alert. That is a pretty exploiter like a hell boy. Well, I mean, the series ended a couple years ago. So in this, that storyline happened also years ago. So I guess deal with it. Look, at that point, you should just surprise the learn that is all I'm saying. I was surprised to learn it too. When it happened, Elliot spit milk all over his comic books. So that I'd buy a new one, bag it, board it, slab it,

CGC grade it, then put it in my vault. And a new thing of milk. Oh yeah, let's not forget that. This was the bag that milk too. We'll tell you what, the guy in the, the guy in the Aaron Bird got milk ad. He thinks he had it back as he lost that on that money. What if he had milk in his mouth, double take,

spit milk all over his Aaron Birdr dual memorabilia's. I don't get the reference. You don't remember that got no commercial. Is that the one where he's drinking milk and he gets real big and then he shames the people that were mean to him? Nope, that's a different commercial. So anyway, he learns that in the in the olden days, the parents of this princess were taken captive by Lord Daghda. He wanted to marry the elf queen. She wouldn't marry him. He wanted some magic

stones that his grandfather gave to the elf people, even though she says they weren't magic until our elf priestess put magic in them, which means that his grandfather just gave them some stones, which is not a great gift. Anyway, he kidnaps her. I think they just have to punch her in the head. He just punches her and takes her to his cave, which is decorated with candles and one goat skull, where he's constantly getting his hair combed as we mentioned, and he only has two henchmen to come visit him. It ended up being a battle for some magic stones and a ring that controls other.

That's kind of a tragic figure. Yeah, it's weird to see this very like, over the top scenery chewing, fey, like Tim Curry and legend type demon villain, who then you see a scene where he appears Yeah, it's weird to see this very like over the top scenery chewing fey like Tim Curry and legend type demon villain who then you see a scene where he approaches a woman is like, why didn't you marry me? I would I loved you too. Not what I expected from that character. Yeah, it really deepened him and it made it that much more believable later in the movie when he's just hanging in the forest and his other sidekick tells him something bad and he goes, oh, well, I won't let you ruin my day.

You delivered that line reading, Elliot, about at two times speed of how he delivered every line in this movie. A lot of causes. So anyway, we learned that her parents were kidnapped by Lord Daghdund. He's been trying to stop the Blue Bell people from not being under his control. And all of these things happen, by the way, all of the actual information that happens in this movie happens in a big info dump scene where it's just like.

With the reflashbacks. Yeah, we're gonna just literally explain everything that's going on. And the rest of the movie is patting, patting, patting, patting, and then a scene where information occurs. There was less patting and patting tin bare than in this movie. and he's full of padding I guess you'd call it stuffing anyway

This is also the flashbacks happen after he maxes proven his true might as a wizard by coming across some elves who are in a fight with Yeah, it's a lot of battle. Yeah happens upon about which the elves are handling themselves pretty well Because they're all martial arts masters. Yeah, and the bad guys are just big fat guys with hammers I think that sells pretty well because they're all martial arts masters. And the bad guys are just big fat guys with hammers. They just land like out of work bouncers that have pro-came allot's in there. Wait, is this the one where he does a magic spell

that just basically sends staffs to people? Yes, that levitate's something that people can catch them. There's a whole big stack of weapons in a corner, which are like weapons is pretty interesting. There's a whole big stack of sticks in a corner. Thank you. And he opens a book, he's like, weapons is pretty interesting. It's a whole big stack of sticks. Yeah, thank you. Then he opens a book. He's like, I don't know Hawk.

There's way too many of these sticks. And the Hawk's like, I believe in you, Max. He's like, I don't know, man. But the Hawk goes. That goes on for 20 minutes. The Hawk goes from, he's not ready yet to believe in yourself and you're going to achieve anything within the space of about three scenes.

So Max reads some shit out of his book. And then all of a sudden, baby, these things start floating, people are floating over. So they're over in people's hands and oh boy, once they got those sticks, the tide turns. Oh yeah. Because apparently the one thing that was keeping them from winning was that they couldn't run over to this corner where a bunch of sticks were stacked up and grab one of them. Makes you wonder why they left the sticks over there at the first place. And they'll just take them with them everywhere they go.

That's the thing, Elliot, if you live your life carrying a stick, you're gonna use that fucking stick. Yeah, you gotta put it aside sometimes. If a bunch of guys run up to you with hammers, I think feel free to keep that stick with you. I just don't believe in that kind of lifestyle, Elliot. I don't need a weapon to prove that I'm a man. On the man with no pants on.

So Max is a hero, He gets a flashback in photon long story short. Yeah. There's a big battle between Lord Dag does men and the bullfills. Max is able to use his magic to erase a mighty army of four warriors in armor who show up at a battle where a bunch of children are defeating one of the bad guys. but the armored warriors turn the tide once again and the day is saved and Lord Dagda, he goes after, he goes after Max and so we watch this child get attacked by a man, the goblin face by a man in in Ram horns in the end of goblin face.

What's the name of his mouse companion? Chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble, chimble. Crimble tries to save him by jumping at Daza and biting his throat and dagging to heralds, crimble against a tree, killing him. He throws him so hard that they have to use the same sound effect as a fist hitting a face. This movie's a full-great sound effect. A wheel-home scream appears early on for no reason.

Yeah, everything's a slapping sound. We realize that that Dagda hates mice. So Max conjures up a bunch of mice that are all over Dagda. This somehow turns Dagda into a mouse. It's not really clear how that. Dagda plus mice equals mouse, which if that was the way my life was gonna be, I wouldn't want a mouse on me there.

I don't know. It just was like, you see him on all of a sudden, there's a bunch of white mice swarming over empty clothes of him. So like mice have dissolved dag, that's what I'm like. Do they eat him, I guess? Yeah. I'm sure of exactly what happened to him. But the day has been saved, everything's great.

Max goes back home. Like the four armored warriors he conjured are edited out of the movie. They instantly disappear and what can only be called a cut. And and Max leaves and returns home. Where now he's got the confidence that he lacked before. You know, he leaves and he's a little bum because he's like my best friend, Crimble, the mouse is dead. I'm going to lay this dude's corpse on this magic book. I'm gonna say a prayer about... I wish that I could save him.

Yeah, guys, have I ever told you the story of Darth Plagius the Wise? Please tell us. So he was like, said Lord, who was so super powerful that like he figured out that he might be able to, I think something about controlling life at death. Yeah, yeah, sure. Or maybe he couldn't do that.

And it drove him crazy. Did you read the story? I was in episode three, Revenge of the Siddling. I don't remember that movie that well. Does this play G.S. or play G.S.? I don't, how do you pronounce it? I'm just trying to remember how they pronounced it in the film. Play G.S. play G.S.?

I don't know. I mean, I don't remember, but it's not like you were reading it. Ian McDermott's performance is very nuanced, but I don't always understand what he's saying. I think what I liked best about that movie, and by liked, I mean, hated the most, like, movie, which is the best of the prequels by far. Okay, wow, Ellie, it's getting mad, he's standing up.

Hey, look, over turned stable, is how the emperor, rather than being an old man, who aging naturally over time, is hit with lightning so hard that than being an old man, when aging naturally over time, is hit with lightning so hard that he becomes an old man. And I love that the movie, so that happens all of us, Elie. The movie needs to explain. These to explain everything to the point of,

how did this guy who was probably in his 60s, in only 20 years, turned into a man in his 80s, we got forced lightning, that's the only explanation. What a dumb movie in so many ways. But again, best of the preples. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see, you really does look like a hover bike. It really does look like a California raisin they get.

Yeah, yeah, you know? Well, that made them a bit better or worse if you enjoyed it instead of playing a stomp into a motown song. Broken, I heard it through the grapevine and then boogieed their way into a bag of Oh my God, I just got it because raisins are made out of grapes. Oh my God.

All it all makes to you now. Oh my Lord. Oh, brother, you were like, I got a call my mom and raisins. They're both wonderful. But how do they what's the connection? I got to call my mom and apologize. Mom,'re both wonderful, but what's the connection? I gotta call my mom and apologize. Hahaha. Mom, remember when I said that you're pitched

for the California raisins campaign, even though they bought it, was stupid? Well, listen to this. I'm sorry. You know, the apology you were looking for? Well, listen to this. I'm sorry about what I said. She's like, I don't like it when you frame your apology.

Like it's a back-to-the-future reference. But you might not get experience real emotion. You may not like it, but your kids are going to love it. And I'm your kid. So he goes back home. He finds that Crimble is not dead, but instead can now be a boy again, because maybe he was a boy before. Yeah, he is me. Scans seconds away from being bullied.

Yeah, when, when Crimble shows up a young boy with elf ears and the other, and the bullies are like, ah, a black kid. We don't have any more that. Like, that's the point in the movie where you're like, is this movie racist because they're making Crimble sound, the mouth sound like a black kid or is this supposed to be a black kid? And it comes out and is like, okay, it like a black kid or is this supposed to be a black kid? And it comes out and is like, okay, it's a black kid, but it's still kind of racist.

That's a little bit, but Cremble holds a mice which turns out to be Lord Danda. Mous. Holds a mouse, I stand corrected. It was just, it was not, he doesn't hold a bouquet of mice. It's not a rat king-like thing where the tails are in wine.

So he places a mouse on the bully shoulder that immediately diffuses the bully's anger and the bully runs away. All right, and then so the crimble's the big crimble death scene. He lays crimble to rest on his magic book and then leaves. Take leaving behind him the single most powerful magical tone or grim war for pages of it. It's barely all for dust covered pages barely pushing the length of an NES game instruction manual He leaves behind and I have to assume that the last three pages that book were just the different baddies He would be fit face. Yeah, well and thing is there's the French language version of the thing that you've already read Every time I buy every time I buy a new video game

you've already read every time I buy every time I buy a new video game, there's always a moment where I'm like, oh, I just got home from the video game store. I kind of got to take a shit. I'll go to the bathroom. Maybe I'll check out the game manual on this game when I'll crack open the game. I'm hitting a picture. No, I'm in a second. So, uh, crack open the main. I sit down on the toilet. So down the toilet, crack open the game, you know, unwrap all the packaging, they have all those like stickers and shit, crack it open and of course. And of course, there's no fucking manuals anymore.

All that shit's in game. So what you mean? The pack of books. Why don't you just read the back of the box, right? Yeah, and why would you want, whatever happened to the ability guys? Milkman, the paperboy, video game manuals. Yeah.

Well, everywhere you look, there's a maximum of things were better, you know, when I mean, the movie just basically ends with crumble is like living in max's. Primble and worm, the henchmen of Daita who becomes a good guy. And Tom and T top Tom, whatever's name is the rhyming weirdo. They're all living in Max's closet And they can't wait to help him with his math homework later and Laura Dagda He's the mouse in the cage because despite all his rage. He's still just a rat in a cage Which means Laura Dagda has been cursed to spend his life watching an adolescent boy master bait before going to bed And rely on a child to make sure

he is fed every day or he will die and has water and wood chips and the movie ends with tag demuttering to himself about wood chips the end. Yeah. Circle wipe. Circle wipe to the credits. Yeah, I would know was an iris in on the end. But so that's an iris is essentially a circle wipe. Sure.

Uh, that's Max Magician Legend of the Rings. I had to look at the DVD to remind myself of the title. Because again, it's generic. So Dana, Dana, we put in a bow on this. We are playing a bow on it. I don't know if you haven't fully gotten across the cheapness of the film. Yeah, it looks like a much of Larker's got together

and we're like, hey, man well we do, every weekend is awesome. We gotta get some other people, we gotta get some other people to see what these stuff is. I'm gonna sneak into this here podcast and say, you know what, this is a pretty, sneak into the podcast. You're the third co-host. What are you talking about?

This is the end of the podcast. This is a pretty low budget affair. This is contest. Yeah, it is. Yeah, well and the movie we talked about. And it's, You know, we're not that different. Clearly like a laborer love.

Somebody really kind of put their heart and soul on the screen. So we put their heart and soul in the makeup effects, because let's say one thing, we didn't say before. The makeup effects are pretty good. And makeup for the bad guys, like we were saying, this is Zena level makeup. Like you wouldn't see it in a movie,

but you would see it on a city. You'd see a lesser episode of Buffy level makeup. Yeah, it's good level makeup. You wouldn't see it in a movie, you would see it on a city. You would say lesser episode of Buffy level makeup. Yeah, it's good level makeup. If you saw someone wearing this makeup on Halloween, you'd be like, shit, you should be a professional makeup artist, dude. If you saw it in a big budget, most pictures would be like,

that's not so great. If I saw an episode of sci-fi channels, original reality program face off, I would be like, not bad. Yeah, B plus. Yeah, good work. Yeah, you can maybe you'll get work on this episode of Farscape. By the way, I was watching episode of that fucking show in John Landis came on and I flip my shit and Charlene's like, who's that? And you're like, he's a famous murderer. Man's lauder. You'd be like, that's Max Landis is dad. She got super excited. Yeah. Yeah. She's really into American ultra

She writes a lot of American ultra slash thick. She's you were like, you know Michael Landon Well, they're not related, but their names sound a little similar if you don't say the last syllable But what I was trying to say is yeah, go on this, this is like a super micro budget movie. It's goofy, it has all the hallmark traits of a shitty, of a hallmark movie. Like as you put it, a sheer sign,

like a sure sign of a bat of one of these like micro budget movies is that every scene starts a couple of, like a couple of seconds too early and ends a couple of seconds, like a couple seconds too early and ends a couple seconds too late. Every shot. There's a scene in it where Max is leaving the house and the dad is like, oh, your friend's the mouse.

And he goes, a crumble says your fly is open. And he goes, huh? And Max leaves. And the dad zips it. And then it holds for a couple of seconds. And then it goes, uh, uh, couple of seconds and goes, uh, uh, uh, uh, buy, uh, wait, buy and the mom laughs at him and it's like, you just should have just ended the scene on him zipping his fly up.

Like you don't need to show us everything that happened after that. Like we need closure. Only the story of that fly. Where's that fly come from? Where's the fly going? I don't remember exactly what happened. It's white was so awkward at the end of it. Yeah.

So, it was because you were so erotically turned on. I was like, oh, thank you. Erotically turned on. And so the other ways you can be turned on. Like what? Like someone, like intellectual. Like I was dead and Dr. Frankenstein for some electro bolts in me.

So guys, you keep interrupting me before I can reach my engagement. I'm sorry, I was just trying trying to say this is your Jerry Springer sermon at the end of the episode. You know what did we learn? I don't want to rant here, but this is the sort of thing where if you want to watch like a goofy super low budget movie, we should be in this is a pretty good one right now. I'm giving a final judge. All right. This is a good example. This is a good bad movie, a bad bad

movie or movie you kind of like go a steward. This is a good one. That's right now. I'm giving a final judge. All right. This is a good example. This is a bad movie, a bad bad movie, a kind of like, go Stewart. This is a good bad movie all the way. I'm with Stewart on this one. Good bad G to the big. You get to laugh at extras in the background, jump kicking stuff, or just not even doing anything, man. There's lots of funny reuses of footage.

There's bad editing. it's really fun. There's a lot of shots of a hawk where they're doing voiceover for the hawk talking and occasionally the hawkle move is beaked and you can swear there's a director or animal wrangler off screen that's like trying to make motions to make the hawk move is more more. I was thinking the opposite. I was like, did they try to line up the words with the Hawksmouth And then feel like it wasn't worth it and just not because there were a bunch of places where they probably could

With the hawk is saying like no and they and they hawk will open its mouth close its mouth and then say you'll hear no Yeah, yeah, cuz O sounds are really easy to do with a beak Closing and would you ever watch a good feathers episode? I agree that this is a good bad movie for a little while. I was like, I was like marginal on it because. You're like, you put margin in on it. Well, I'm realizing it. And we're like, Dan, no, that's the disc. You're gonna ruin it.

Okay, it was a bigel. I realized that my problem with this movie, it's not important. No, you're probably this movie. I probably this movie was was gonna take it down a couple notches I was I was actually trying to follow the exposition because I was like we got to talk about this later on We got to talk about it. We got to understand what the the rich is we owe a tour of this movie I'll explain exactly what happened and then I like, check your brain at the door, action block. Well, that's the thing. Like if you're not doing a podcast on this movie, you don't need to give a shit about what's going on.

In fact, not understanding what's going on is a benefit to you then, because you've been joking to your pals about, wait, why is that happening? What, what's this about? Just sit back and let her wash over you, man. It's just an experience, ride the roller coaster, you know? Just add Max Magician, ride it. It's ride the horse. Ride the pink coaster, you know, just like Maximum edition ride it ride the horse ride the pink horse, you know, you know, yeah, it's like bad boys

Right that right that dragon just let it wash over you the the sights and sand will be them bad boys I need to be chased the dragon chasing dragon just hang on just find a snake hang on to it and let it drag you Wear and may that's this movie. Yeah, look you're gonna get gonna get brambles on your knees and you're gonna get rope burn. Let this movie just drag you through the woods to wherever it goes. Yeah. Which is a cage with a mouse in it in a boys room. The end. My name is Patrick. My name is Parker. Max Fungon has been a huge inspiration in my life. Now I have this network of friends that I've made that span really across the entire globe. And there's some of my favorite people in the world. I truly cannot believe the amount of wonderful and lasting friendships that have come out of this.

If you feel like you might not fit in, as long as you're a good person, you'll fit in because everyone there is good, and amazing, and kind, and wonderful, and you should absolutely go, it will be the best decision of your life. Make a ton of new friends like Parker and Patrick and Max Funcon.

Tickets for Max Funcon and Max Funcon East are on sale now at maxfuncon.com. Hey, it's Dan breaking in here with an announcement that we didn't have ready at the time of taping, but it's exciting and we all wanted you to know about it as soon as possible. The flop house is doing their own comics mini-series. It's an unlike when we all did the Flash Gordon comic together. This is a Flop House branded product. It's all our original story.

It's all our original. It has us in it, introducing the story. It's all Flop House all the time. And it's going to be available for purchase on the Flop House website starting Wednesday. That's just a digital copy. The physical copy is not out of the question of the future if we do enough of these, but for now it's all digital. But go to FlopHousePotcast.com on Wednesday if you're a chance to buy a copy. But the important thing to

know about this is we're not lining our pockets with this money. All the proceeds from the sale of this comic go to the ACLU. So we're asking a minimum one dollar charge for the comic, but you can totally give more if you want, because all the money is going to charity. That's right, to charity. The Flapp House gives back. I actually wrote the first story that is available, but this is the first in a projected series. Stuart and Elliott have their own scripts ready to go, but we only get to do more of these things. If a lot of people buy it and donate and download and all that stuff, so if you want more, spread the word.

Minds a fun story, I think. It's a take on the old EC Comics tales from the crypt style of doing things, but funny. It's the sort of thing you can enjoy, even if you're not a comics reader, or you can buy to give to the comics fan in your life. And I would like to, before I go, thank all the people who made this possible, Roger Landridge, who did the art for the comic, Tom Fowler, who did the cover, Nathan Fairborne, Chris Ileopolis, Travis Lanham, and our editor Nate Cosby, who came up with the whole idea in the first place. So thanks for that.

And back to all three of us in the studio. But moving on, we've got a few sponsors for tonight's show. Woo! Oh man, first up is Max Magician. Uh oh! We gotta read the copy. Byoy, byoy. Join this thrilling adventure

that is beyond the realm of imagination as Max learns And the tradition of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings sounds good. Sounds good is this thing put it in your mouth and watch it All right, I guess that's our tape. We'll call that a take one The first Effortesiment is for okay, that's take two. The flop house is sponsored in part by The Black Tux. Looking great for a wedding or special event has never been easier with TheBlackTux.com. With high quality rental suits and tuxedo is delivered to your door, the black tux gives you a new way to rent.

The black tux offers free home trion so you can see the fit and feel the quality of your suit months before your event. So I don't just have to take whatever tux they send me. They're gonna send it to me, I'm gonna try it on and I can tell them, hey, this doesn't fit me, I don't wanna rent it. Yeah, they send you a clown suit, for instance,

instead of a tux, you can be like, hey, black tux, this is a clown suit, another tux. I don't even know where these carry. Yeah, take it back. And you've probably been listening to this episode and you're like, I've kind of been wanting to try a cape with my tux. Well, I don't know for sure that they have them,

but if they do, you can try on a cape, see if it looks good. Yeah, but if that's an option, you can have it. We add features to the business, not knowing for sure. Now, what I will say is, you can just go buy a cape wherever you have anyone can. The top six, go to the nearest cape store. A sheet is basically a cape, as any child can tell you. go to the nearest Cape store. A sheet is basically a cape, as any child can tell you. Let's put that on the box for sheets. Put that for you.

Well, the box of the cape, the NBC show. Oh, the sheet is basically a cape. NBC is the cape. Why do we put this on the box? And why are we releasing the cape on DVD? Why do we pay to have this transfer to blue ray quality? All good questions, but you can equality, you can equality, black tux, quality tuxes to rent.

The best part of the black tuxes is completely done online. To get free shipping both ways plus $20 off of your purchase, visit theblacktucks.com slash flop. That's the blacktucks.com slash flop. You're never going to know when you need to put on the ritz. No. Well, hopefully you will need to know because you have to order it a couple months ahead of time. Oh, yeah, that's right. But you always are going to know when you have to put on the ritz. Let's say you got a wedding coming up dance with sticks from burrillas Yeah, just look dressed up like a million dollar trooper trying to look like Gary Cooper super Super different. Yeah, Cooper scooper now. Here's the thing. You got a wedding coming up. You got an award show coming up

Maybe you've got I don't know you're just going to Casablanca and you want to look good at Rix. Maybe you got a wedding award show coming up, which is the best wedding. Oh, at the weddings. The awards for wedding. I'm assuming it's on Bravo. It's gotta be. Yeah. Watch what happens.

Watch what happens. Live. Yeah. Watch it. That's a name of a thing, Dan. I'm a bad guy. I'm demanding that you watch it live. You watch it live.

Sure. You can't just watch what happens. You have to do it live. So we've been doing this bit for a little bit. Go check out that. You think it feels like it's been years. Do you think you can do that? Yeah, we have nice long beers.

You think it meetings at Bravo's? Bravo. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Keep it down, everybody. Let's follow Vanderpump's rules of order. So the blacktux.com. Check it out. Use that promo code, what was it again, Dan?

It was the blacktux.com slash flop. Is where you gotta go. Cool. But our other sponsor for the evening is Casper. The flop house is supported in part by Casper, an online retailer of premium mattresses for a fraction of the price. Casper mattresses feature a supportive memory foam for a sleep surface that's got just

the right sink and just the right bounce. That's a memory foam that's like, you can do it, come on, have faith in yourself. Yeah. Dan, you are a die hard Casper customer. Yeah, well in that I have a Casper mattress and you sleep on that shit every night and you'll die on it I've only slept on a Casper mattress one time, but it was See about it again. It was super comfortable. Where were you? I was in Huntington West Virginia Visiting who one of one of the Maca Roy's two of the macarois well three of the macarois actually but not the three that the listeners thinking of. I mean I don't know I'm not going to place any

judgment on the listeners but what I am going to say is I had a great time sleep on that mattress. Dan what about you? How do you have a great time on that mattress? Sometimes. I think you had a story queued up right when we walked through the door today. No, not going there. Yes, Dan, was there a yarn you wanted to spin? No, don't want to spin any yarns. Yeah, I thought you said you were going to save it for the pod, the yarns.

Can't say very eager to relay us with a certain tail. The yarn is all that business. The yarn is all wound up and a ball. It is not de yarned. There's a risk. Why are you making strange eyebrow motions right now, Dan? Wicke! There's a risk-free trial and return policy.

Try sleeping on a Casper for 100 days with free delivery to the US and Canada and painless returns. Mattresses made in America. And there's a special offer to listeners of the Flop House. Flop House listeners can get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting www.casper.com slash Flop House and using the promo code Flop House. Easy to remember. All one word Flop House.

That's a huge deal. $50? Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. That's a huge deal. $50. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, that's a grant For terms and conditions apply and then in Casper won a bunch of awards For their technology of making tiny little mantras is that Expand to become giant at the man the ghosties the maddies the ghosties the maddies that's the mattress awards Mm-hmm and also the caspies, but these are awards. And these are all the caspies, which just sound sort of like caspies. The maddies are hosted by

Mads Miggleson and Mad Martin. And the caspies are hosted by Prince Caspian, of the dawn treader. Wow. Now Dan, they're hosted by the horse and his boy, the comedy team of the horse and his boy. Say boy. Anyway, Dan, do we don't have any jumbo tron messages? No, jumbo tron. But I wanted to give a special shout out to Cassidy, an avid listener, former coworker of my mom, Huge Flophouse fan, she tells me about it all the time.

And Cassidy is making a big move, starting a new job, a cross-country move, and I just want to say Cassidy, good luck with it. I hope it's a great move, and I hope everything works out great. Thanks for listening to Flophouse, please keep listening. Try to get my mom to listen sometimes. She does not.

And this isn't clearest Cassidy, aka Cartier. Would I give a heartfelt message to a serial killer? No, I would not and it's not Cassidy the vampire from preacher No, okay. This is a person named Cassidy It's neither bonded to a symbiote nor a vampire. I Mean he's bonded to a symbiote known as heroine Even Cassidy the vampire. Yeah. Yeah. But now it's time for letters from listeners like you. Like you.

And are you a listener? Probably. I mean, you're listening right now. Would you consider yourself a listener? If you just listen to one episode, does that make you a listener? If you're stuck in the back seat while somebody's playing this for you on the car, yeah. I'm sorry. If someone tied you up and put ear buds in your head, does that make you a listener? If you're stuck in the back seat while somebody's playing this for you on the car, yeah, I'm sorry. If someone tied you up and put ear buds in your head, is that make you a listener?

Are you being listener? I think I understand what you guys are saying. And I guess what you're saying is, the flop house boys looking for listeners looking around the world. That's not what we're saying. Flop house boys are looking for boys and girls who like to listen to flop house stuff. That's creepy the way he's in there. Flop house boys looking for listeners.

Flop house joy. Felt by the listeners. Write us a letter and tell us if you listen. Write us a letter. Not a lot of words rhyme with listen. But I'm trying and you'll listen and you'll shine. If you listen to the flop-pals, the flop house is good for the coats of pets and other domesticated animals.

You know, there was chunks of that sound like, don't stop me now by Queen. Ha ha ha ha. Yeah, it's sung by the world's greatest Eddie Vetter impersonator. That's Eddie Vetter, basically. Yeah. This was from Abbott last name with him. What would Eddie Shredder sound like?

It's Eddie Shredder, but he hasn't talked about it. Eddie Vetter cover band. He has a Pearl Jam cover band him and Cray. Rocksteady and B-Bop, of course, play in the band as well. Yeah, they just play a hunger strike over it. Crang does the Kirschhoer Nell Park. This letter is from Abbott last name withheld. Who writes?

And Castello. Dear speeches. Well, you don't leave that on the. No, that was a penny on the table. Long time listen, or first time writer, I'm slowly working my way through your back catalog and came across a movie minute where you talk about the then upcoming movie Avatar. Remember the movie minutes?

Whatever happened to those, Dan? No one liked him, so I stopped doing him. That's a good point. Somebody tweeted at me the other day and they said, I might be the only one who liked these. They met with you too. But are you guys going to do another Oscar's flot-tacular? And I was like, you are the only one who likes those. No, people like, people did like the Oscars flop

tabular, but I don't know. It's not enough to make it worth doing a whole thing. Well, maybe we'll, maybe at the next, the next episode we record, we're recording this before the Oscars. It's gonna be released after maybe next episode. Instead of doing letters, we can talk about the Oscars or something. I wouldn't like a crazy, but yeah, maybe I don't know. It's trying to get out talk about the Oscars or something. I wouldn't like a crazy, but yeah, maybe, I don't know.

Alex trying to get out of watching movies. It depends. The listeners now will know whether, whether the Oscars went out of their way to choose the best movie of the year, as they usually don't do, or whether we live in a dystopia where Trump is president and Lala Land is considered the best fixture of the year. Listeners, you know if we live in the world. You know, while we didn't talk about, and during the movie, we didn't mention that the, one of the villain, one of the monsters is called the Red Cap,

which is a popular, like a Tars. I'm sent to help you with your bags at the airport. A type of fake creature, like a notoriously violent goblin type character. Oh, I didn't realize that. But that's like something that's shown up in folklore quite a bit, and certainly in the white wolf changeling game. But I'm surprised that all throughout this, you know, Trump's campaign, that nobody likened the, the make America great again, beheaded legions as being likened to the violent

red caps. Are you surprised that no one did that? Yeah, if I'm the first one drawing that connection, well, give me five million dollars because I'm also who's gonna use this money. I don't know. The fucking, I don't know, the light wolf. Yeah, for promoting the giant million dollars. They do not have five million dollars on hand.

Okay. Maybe Kasiome can get it to you. They have way more. This gentleman came across a movie minute. He says, where you talk about the then upcoming movie Avatar, Elliott says, I'll be surprised since movie is not a flop. It could be a success, but maybe we'll do well if James Cameron name, James Cameron's name and then not do so well.

Considering... I stand by my prediction of could be a flop or could do well. Considering that four times this movie had the honor of being the highest grossing film, my question is, what other movies have you been this wrong about? What movies have you thought would be terrible that turned out to be successful? And what movies did you think would be successes that you ended up covering on the podcast? Thanks for flopping. Abbot last name was held. I just want to point out that at the time I was like James Cameron has done this before with Titanic, where people thought it was going to be a flop and it wasn't. I predicted that Avatar

would be a success. I, I, I, okay, we got your on record now. Yeah. Look, I'm totally, we have you on record years after the fact to saying you were right. I, uh, look, I'm always willing to admit I was wrong after this past November. I've never been more wrong in my life. And so I'm embracing my wrongness. So you know what? I apologize, James Cameron, to Avatar, I will settle the class action suit of Flav House listeners against me for being wrong. You're all can have one third of a penny

In settlement. You know, I'm I mean, I'm kind of surprised I'm I mean, I'm kind of surprised that Batman versus Superman I'm not surprised that I didn't like it But I'm surprised at that it that Zack Snyder and Warner Brothers turned out a movie that is kind of universally disliked. Like, it won a bunch of rassy awards this year, which doesn't necessarily mean quality. That's the rassy is your kind of bullshit. Sorry, rassy is, or maybe you're not. I don't really care.

But what I'm saying is, I'm surprised that it was as bad as it was. I guess, but we're talking more about like flops or hits, I guess. Yeah, but, well, no, it's a movie. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful.

It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. It's a movie I didn't expect me to be successful. Oh, I mean, there are movies where I've seen the commercial or the trailer, and I've

been like, I don't want to see that. It looks terrible. And then they turn out to be not that bad, you know. It's like the Friday Night remake was way better than I expected it to be. They're times where I think a movie is gonna be great and then it turns out to be awful if only because It's like I don't it's there. No, actually that's not true every now and then there's a move I can't leave me the time I had every now and then well, I mean Lala land there you go I was super excited about it wanted just really wanted to see it, and then I didn't enjoy that much. But like, I feel like right now movies are so divided into like smaller movies that tend to be of quality, and then large big budget movies where even those, you can tell going

in pretty much when it's going to be good or not. I don't know. I find myself not that surprised by movies anymore. But I also see. You don't have that child like wonder anymore. I don't. That's true. But it's also the fact that like actually having a child, I like don't go to the theaters that often. So it's and I don't have that much time to watch movies at home. So it's rare that a movie that's bad slips through the screen that I've set up where it's like, this week I have exactly two hours spread out over five dish washing sessions to watch a movie.

I'm gonna watch a movie I've wanted to see for you. How do you watch movies when you're watching stuff doing the dishes? Well, I have a TV in your kitchen. I have an iPad and a computer. Okay, I'm sort of a TV. Television wizard. I am a television wizard.

Are we even the year some sort of TV wizard? I've had the gives me access to my TV through streaming. Netflix and any other movie site. And I just set it up next to the sink and I watch. TV wizard was not a hit off of the whose follow up Tommy too. It's just he's really good at what watching TV. Even though he's deaf and blind. This kid's deaf and blind, but he still knows the plot of all the Simpsons episodes.

He's a TV wizard. He really loves Brady Bunch TV wizard. He had an orange for lunch. Yeah. He could tell they like some of the inspiration. How do you think he does it? wizard he had a orange for lunch. You can tell they lack some of the inspiration. How do you think he does it? He just watches TV.

How did he get so good? He's a TV guy. Yeah, I don't. Who the fuck can it? It's your wickling uncle Ernie and I watch a lot of bad TV as I change the channels, change the channels. It should be flip about instead of fiddle about. But I think that's, I mean, I don't get to the theater very often either. I usually only, I rarely seek out something that I haven't. I mean, it's hard to see something

that hasn't been like promoted to me in some way or another. And also, it's much harder these days to see a movie without knowing a lot about it ahead of time just by the way that culture is bombarded at us, like either promoted or you see people just discussing it either online and social media or in person in front of your face. I mean, I've gotten pretty good if I can, if I know that a movie is like a genre, like a horror movie or a genre picture that gets any kind of buzz at any of the festivals, I almost immediately like stop reading any details unless there's a release date. Because I mean, it's not that I don't want to go in with spoilers, but I'm like, I don't

need to spend time promoting this further. I know I want to see Green Room by Jeremy Sonnier again. Although that sometimes leads to a mistake where I take my wife to see it and she spends most of the movie covering her eyes and then it's mad at me. I was trying to go back and see whether there was actually like anything that we that we did on the show that I was head thought Might be good You might be good you watch it without us and then you're like it was pretty crazy, but we're not you can't see it for the show Yeah, like all the now you see me movies, which you're apparently all about

Yeah Now you see me three don't watch it so we can do it on flyb house, even though it'll be a huge hit. It's now you three me. The now you see movies are super, super, super stupid, but they're stupid in an entertaining way. So, um, I guess that's the moral of this letter. Okay, let's go.

Okay, let's move to next one. Roughly an hour and a half on that letter. Okay. Mike commutes to work as crazy long. This is from, uh, by the way, Doug, last name with hell, Doug Fone, right? Mike, I was skater doing Mike and Mute. I don't worry about it. You're gonna get married to Petty Maynays.

Mike knows spoilers. You know what? Maybe he married BB Bluff. She's got the money. Yeah. Mike and Mute to work is crazy long. And I listen to your podcast all the time. It's my favorite.

And I think it's because you're banter and absurd rifting remind me of my closest friends, none of whom unfortunately live close to me anymore. Oh, that's too bad. There is in other words, something familiar about the flop house that I really appreciate, especially in these dark days, Q-Halley, politics and elections.

So thank you. I like that he used clothes in two different ways within one sentence, politics and elections. So thank you. I like that he used close in two different ways within one sentence, emotionally and physically. Yeah, that's good writing. Anyway, two questions for you. One, I was texting with said friends the other night, and I joked that there should be a Miloche form and grill within a company in infomercial.

I said that one part of the infomercial could be a guy holding the grill, inspecting its features carefully, and then dropping it on the floor on account of his bitter ecstasy. And another guy could pick one up, throw it through a window, and then disappear into the early morning.

I was legitimately proud of this idea, but they didn't care for it. Were they right? I think I can take it either way. Milo Shformans, the guy that paints the Vego painting. No. No incorrect. No.

Oh, okay. Stuart, I want to see you teach a history of film glass. Now we get to Buster Keaton. Another name for Michael Keaton. He was, he was Michael Keaton and Buster point that's just done. He was in freejack and Gung Ho, right?

Sure, yeah, yeah. Okay. Number two, one of the most offensive movies you've seen, either because of former content. You flopped some offensive crap over the years. parentheses, last ounce of courage comes to mind. But what movies make you fume from righteous indignation? Thanks for the laughs, Doug last name with help.

As for the Milos form and grill, I don't know. Pfft. Pfft. Shrug. Wow. Wow. It's a perfectly fine joke. Rough.

No, not mean, you know. Very rough. I would say it on the podcast certainly Yeah, yeah, and then Ellie would make fun of me for it I'd say it and you go and you'd make fun of me. I you know what it past what passes the test of Something we would say knowing it stupid Expecting the other guys to not like it in the heat of a moment. Yeah The moment guys to not like it in the heat of a moment. Yeah. And the heat of the moment. There's the rest of that song. So offensive movies. I've talked about how offensive I find the movie 40 days and 49 nights.

Yeah. Josh Hartnett, sex comedy, where he decides to give up pre-marital sex for Lent. sex comedy where he decides to give up premarital sex for Lent, and then he proceeds to blow a feather across Shannon Saasamon's tummy to give her an orgasm, which I think, I mean, at that point, that's basically intercourse. And then at the end, he gets raped by a sex girlfriend. It's really weird. I mean, a lot of the Christian movies we watch are feature like

these ridiculous straw man arguments. And those are all, I don't know if I'd say they're like super offensive, they're just really dumb. They definitely insult the viewers intelligence. Yeah, including the people that they're pitching the movie toward. That's a thing that bugs me the most is it's like, we assume the people that like this stuff are idiots. Well, that's one of the, I mean,

this wasn't one of the movies I was gonna talk about, but saving Christmas or whatever it was, Kirk Cameron saves Christmas. Yeah. Even as a non-Christian, I was offended by a movie that was basically like, hey, you know what's most important about Christmas? All the stuff that really doesn't have anything

to do with the birth of Christ. Cree's, presents, eating a lot of food, dancing, drinking. That's what Christmas is all about. Why should we change? Just because some dusty old Jew back 2,000 years ago said so in some crazy old book. I mean, isn't the modern commercialization of Christmas wasn't that created by the Jewish department stores?

I don't know, it's a Jewish department store. That's what my wife says. But even, there was something about the, about the, your wife, by the way, who is Jewish? Not just anti-Semitic. Yeah, you're not married to Eva Braun. No. There was something about the vulgarization of any...

Yeah, yeah. That I was like, this is gross, that they're like, hey, I really represent this faith, and I'm a believer. Here's why it's more important than I'm still. The best thing I could come up with with this was passion in the Christ, where the movie seems to believe

that the most important thing about Christ is he got the shit beat out of him one time rather than like the message that he has. It is how he paid for the, it is how he erased the sin of original sin, which even though he erased it, everyone still gets punished for, I guess, all the time. Dan, can you explain that to me? Uh. I've got my cleanse here at the original sin and yet we're all still to blame for it.

Smoke bomb. Uh. I mean, we keep bringing up the religious movies, but I'm sure that there are a million movies where the gender politics or like the racial politics, racial politics or sexual politics are so terrible that I don't even want to think about them. I mean, I assume we're just shoving aside, say, like, propaganda films that are offensive

because they're actually against, yes. They're for hurting people, where things like, Salah, or things like that, or it's like, we're just gonna push it as far as we can go. Yeah, a Serbian film. Yeah, a Serbian film. Like, I think I mentioned before the podcast, I watch a lot of old movies where I have to like cringe-do scenes every now and then, but I was gonna say before the podcast, I watch a lot of old movies where I have to cringe through scenes every now and then,

but I was gonna say, the two movies that just came to mind when I was thinking about this were number two, runner up, Soul Man, starting to see Thomas Howell. I was a bet, just talking about Soul Man. Well, then I won't say too much about it. Yeah, you'd be pleased. Well, it's just that the fact that this is a movie length, blackface joke in the 80s.

Like, I can almost, almost cringe my way through it in a movie from the 20s. But like, that they did it in the 80s is crazy. And like, James L. Jones is in it. Like, the number one one, and this is one that I didn't expect to be to find so offensive when I saw it was year of living dangerously with Mel Gibson and Sigourney Weaver and Linda Hunt. And the thing I found offensive about it was that you're watching this country in upheaval. It's like people are getting killed left and right. But the movie is like, yeah, but Mel Gibson and Sigourney Weaver got out okay, right?

Okay, good. The white people got out fine. We're just going to kill off all these people who live in this country to show how dangerous it was getting for these two white characters. Oh, but thank goodness they escaped. I was like, The same problem people had with that Naomi Watts movie, the Ian Conceit.

A King Kong? No, there was like a movie about the funny games. There was some movie about the tsunami. Oh yeah. Bad vacation. Bad vacation. What was. Like being possible or something like that. What was called bad vacation? And you added a lap track to it.

If you did a movie called Bad Vacation, it's kind of like a tasteless comedy about vacationing in a place. This is tsunami. And the tourist characters all they care about is trying to make this vacation work. Even though people are drowning all around them, that is a movie I don't want to see, but somebody else do it. But a more recently, there's a movie no escape with a really old Owen Wilson, where it's a prison, I went to Wilson. Was in it where they were a one Wilson was on Ray Leodus prison island.

Or even that seems to be behind enemy lines. No, there was I'm not sure, I think. They go behind enemy lines. No. That was the one where he was the soldier who gets trapped behind enemy lines, man. It's all in the title. I don't think Jackie Chan was in it. Wait, does he go broken arrow in that? No, no, no.

That's Christian Slater. No, he's the peacemaker. Oh, okay. No escape, it was called, definitely. Okay, with Ray Leod, huh? He's Jackie Chan in this movie, Dan. He was trying to get out of a, Dan. He was trying to get out of an Asian country that was being overcome with riots.

And it was all about how menacing all the... Is Lake Bell in that with him? I think so. Lake Blacett, isn't it? Oh, no kidding. You know, alligators are like dinosaurs. But yeah, there are a lot of those movies where it's like we're going to drop some Americans into a situation that is dangerous for them.

It's more dangerous for all these not Americans because they're getting killed left and right. But they basically, it's like as much as I love Wes Anderson, I did not like the Darjeeling limited partly because the movie did not earn having an Indian boy killed in order to help teach these three rich assholes a lesson about getting over their dad's shit. Like it was just wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you saying it was Anderson movie featured people grappling with father issues? I have no problem with that. Every man grapples with father issues.

But also the fact that they literally to lose their emotional baggage had to leave behind a set of luggage at the end. It was like, come on, Wes, you're better than this. And then he made Moonrise Kingdom, which I love. So. Moving on, this is from Jeremy Lasting with Hell, who writes,

to the heroes of my ear holes, the original peaches. That sounds like a movie about three tiny guys who just stuff a submarine sandwich in some of these ears. My daughter is three years old now. She is as of yet unable to grasp the wonder and excitement that your podcast brings to me nearly daily. But I hope your legacy will continue until she is able to. In the meantime, what words of future advice you have for her as she is sure to enter a world of diminishing return movies and even more horrific reboots than we have currently as she grows into adulthood.

You're truly Jeremy last name withheld. So the question is sort of advice for a young filmgoer. Well, never date a woman who has a tattoo of a weapon, never play cards with a guy who has the same last name as a city. Otherwise everything's cream cheese. That's from Teen Wolf, but I screwed it up a little bit. Okay. So what advice for movies? What advice for a young film go, I think, is really with the... What do you guys want to say? I mean, I think the lamest thing, but I think probably the truest thing is to try and support independent films and smaller budget films, because even the bad ones are going to be generally

the product of at least a somewhat singular vision. So at least you're going to see something bad that's a little more pure than a bad studio movie. I would say be open to seeing anything that comes your way within reason, but don't close off your mind to something just because you think you're not supposed to like it or because you think it's the kind of thing you're not going to like. Certainly as a younger man, I closed myself off to a number of movies that I later found to be really enjoyable because I prejudged them, whether they be small movies or large movies. At the same time, you are about to enter it. By the time your daughter is grown up and my son too, they are going to live in a very different brave new world where films are distributed differently and where possibly China is the

world's movie maker, which they are they want to be very badly. I was reading an article recently about the movie The Great Wall where they're saying this is essentially the beginning of Chinese studios really making a big play to be creating the kinds of movies that play internationally and win over the American audience. And it mentioned that America's studios have had pretty much unfettered domination of the international market for 100 years, which is true since World War I essentially. So like that's a long time, and by the time our children are of age, that run may have come to an end possibly due to Hollywood's own dagger at its throat as it

goes down this wheel, this whole of reboots and sequels and stuff. But I'll also say this, there've been a number of times in Hollywood history where it seems the studios are just churning out the same kind of movie and then those times. And then something new comes along in their way. There's a time when half the movies being made were Westerns. That's no longer the case. But what about that idea that like after 9-11,

all the movie studios just kept focusing on nostalgia and looking backwards and never turning out anything new? I don't think that's totally true. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know that it's more a sense of, I think in a world where movies have gotten more expensive and international markets have gotten more important, they glombed to things that seemed to have been proven in another medium or have already worked

in movies. I don't know that it was a response to like a time of worry and crisis or anything like that. He was my advice for a young film. But you could be right. I hadn't heard of that before. He was my advice for a young film. But you could be right. I hadn't heard of that before. He was my advice for a young film goer. Do what I did. Go to your local life. I could create Dan's life as gone. Don't do what Dan did. Go ahead.

He's an Emmy winning writer for a hit television show. Don't, don't, don't. Scan the reasons for the R8. I don't understand. I don't. It says nudity. That's not good enough. It says sexual situations.

You know you're going to hit something good. You're going to be right. That really include nudity. That's not good enough. It says sexual situations. You know you're going to hit something good. That really include nudity. Adult content could go either way. No, no. First off, make sure your parents are asleep. Okay. Sit on the stairs near their bedroom in case you hear the door open. Then you fucking scamper down them steps and then you pretend you're sleeping underneath a bag of Cheetos. You want to get really good at lip reading when someone is in ecstasy,

so that the volume's not so high that it draws attention and wakes people up, but you want to know what they're saying in the sex scenes. Oh, I'm sorry, are you done yet? Are you done? You need another hot tip from Dan McCulley. Okay. If you want to keep that movie on tape,

uh-huh. Just watch it on demand and just record the sex scenes. Yeah. Waste tape with the plot scenes that you don't want. That's fucking crazy. You don't want to see George Hamilton and Billy Zane get an argument about June Severance. Waste George Hamilton in that movie? He's in one of those.

George Hamilton. I think George Hamilton is in sexual response. Zorro the gay blade. I know there's a Shannon. There's a Shannon tweed I think there's a Shannon tweed movie with Malcolm McDowell in it, but I don't remember the name of it. I think it was tank girl So Dan, what was your advice? My advice was be like me, one of them kangaroos, right? Boog or whatever. Be like me, go to your local library's, library sale, pick up a copy of one of Roger Ebert's

movie yearbooks that has the cover ripped off for 25 cents. This is very specific. Read it from cover to cover. Just read all of the reviews because Roger Ebert was a master of just making an entertaining movie review. Don't do that. Get the New York Times 1000 movies at Best Movies Everbook and then as I did and mark down the ones you haven't seen and then to go through those I was gonna say at the end of Roger Ebert's books he always has

The great movies where he writes about his ten favorite movies and Those are I mean actually the great movies is a series he did where he just did a bunch of great movies But then there was also his his ten best both of which are good rabbit holes to go down. I think the Alamo was showing, somebody was showing, doing a screening of Valley Girl, and they reposit Roger Ebert's article, or his review of Valley Girl, and it's such a great review and reminds me about why I love that movie so much. So, if you get a chance, find that review on the internet, dudes.

Yeah, I mean, I'm joking a little bit, but find a good reviewer who like, you find some sort of some patico thing with him or her, but also is a good like, crafter of thought and crafter of words, and you enjoy just reading them about film and follow them down their personal. Follow them on Twitter.

Follow the, like what? And eventually, with Les with Rodriguez, but you'll follow them into the afterlife. Follow them into the grave. No, but just follow that rabbit hole where it leads and it'll help you develop your own personal taste to listen to the other person. Yeah, and hopefully like the next picture show podcast

is still going, so you can listen to that. And the last piece of advice I would give is come to terms with the fact that you will never see all the great movies in the world and you will never see all the good movies in the world and you will most likely die alone. I wasn't gonna say that. You'll most likely die having not seen everything.

So don't feel the pressure to cram so many movies into your life that you don't live a real life. Yeah, try and die surrounded by family as opposed to crush by a stack of unwatched VHS tapes. Which once was definitely gonna be the way I got out. Final letter of the evening from Ken last name was held. Kardashian? Kim, was held. Kardashian. Kim, Ken, Ken, Ken Kardashian.

I thought you said Kim. Not Kim. Little did you know the long time opponent of Ryu is Ken Kardashian. I didn't know that. Drop a dragon punch is on it. Ken last name. Sorry, Ken. I'm a big scar to cigar.

It's last name, doll, Ken doll. For radio zork, we have opened the door. I would like to get on the floor for the later purposes of everybody walked the dinosaur that is an unintentional callback. We're talking about it earlier. I mean, I think there's a pretty good chance to refer to one of the only songs whose lyrics I kind of know. I would say what makes you think the door is open in Radio Zork? Oh, we'll find out next week at Radio Zork.

So now it is time to move on to the final segment of the evening, which is recommendations. Yeah, but you want to say letters? Wow. I agree, Dan. Try and remember what the final thing is that we do, even though I know that we recommend movies. We review sausages.

I like chicken garlic sausages. Oh, those are delicious. I'm a fan of chorizo. Get outta here. Nope, get up outta here, chair. All right. Get outta here. Nope, get up outta here, Chair. All right, get outta here. Wait, why, Trizzo is great. Dan, this episode's going long.

Can you just come back to your Chair and we'll recommend some movies, classic sense. So I'm gonna do some recommendations and I'm gonna surprise you all by doing a pair of recommendations. No, okay. One of them is, I don't think needs my additional support, but I want to give it anyway,

because I really enjoyed it. And that is Academy Award-nominated movie Moonlight, which I think if there's, I mean, my personal recommendation for the winner of the Best Picture Award is Moonlight. I think it's great. It is the story of a young man growing up in like the, I guess the slums of or the inner city of Miami and it takes place over different moments of his life and it's really great and I don't

want to talk too much about the actual stuff about it because I need to get to my second recommendation. But I do wanna mention that there's these two great moments in the movie, there's many great moments, but there's these two great moments where two different characters start an argument with another character. And you at least me as the viewer, like I was so behind them and I'm like,

I totally am with this person and totally with their emotions. And they begin their like argument against another person. And the person turns it on them so abruptly and you can see them back off. And it felt so real. Like I've had so many moments like that in my own life where I was so sure of my own argument until it actually happened against somebody else and I immediately was like, oh yeah, I didn't think about it from your perspective. And it just felt so natural and it's a great movie. I totally recommend it. And the other movie I want to recommend is Not Nominate for Best Picture. It is a teen comedy called The Edge of Seventeen, which I'm going to look up some details, but it is a movie about a young woman who is coping with some personal tragedy, and she is like dealing with some

up people in her, like her relationships with her friends and with her family. And it is an interesting exploration of kind of relationships. And I think it presents teens as kind of the way teenagers are like kind of dumb and complicated creatures that are going through a crazy time in their life. And it's got some great performances from Kira Sedgwick, Woody Harrelson gives a great performance as a teacher and it's got some great performances from Kira Sedgwick. Woody Harrelson gives a great performance as a teacher and Haley Stanfield, who was in TruGrit.

She gives her really great performance. As does Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson, yeah, I already said that. I've never tried to remember who. No, I don't remember the name of the actor, but the actor who plays her brother, who is the lead in Everybody Want Some, which is one of my favorites of the year.

Ray Romano. Gives Ray Romano. I thought he said Everybody Loves Ray Romano. Everybody loves him. He gives a great performance. So if you're looking for it now, I will say that early on, there's a little bit of narration given by the main character. That goes away after the first scene or two.

So my initial reaction was, fuck this. I don't need a narrator to tell me what's going on. But it's great. Check it out. I'd like to abandon a movie called Lost Soul, colon, the doomed journey of Richard Stanley's island of Dr. Moro, which is a long title. But it's about, the main title is Lost Soul. It's about the terrible John Frankenheimer Island of Dr. Moro movie that came out starring valkelmer and uh... what's the space marlin brando

what's his well marlin brando is the uh... what's his name oh yeah one of the most famous actors ever david the list is not talked about in the which is the story of the star of the film do they talk about how he and valkelmer switched parts well actually what happened was... Velcoma switched parts with another guy. Velcoma...

They talked about how later on he would become a werewolf in the Harry Potter movies. At the time that the part switching happened, Rob Marrow was supposed to be the person. I see. But then... He was stuck up in Alaska. Yeah. The switching happened, But then he was stuck up in Alaska. Yeah.

The switching happened. And then David Thulis came in to replace Rob Marrow who told his agents to get him to fuck out of this movie. No offense to Rob Marrow, but David Thulis is a much better actor. He's in upgrade, definitely. But if you've seen the island of Dr. Morrow, it is a fascinating mess. It is the movie that has a miniature Marlon Brando that is the inspiration for many me

and the Austin Powers movies. It is a terrible film. Have we talked about this movie on the podcast before? I don't think so. It's a movie I've been meaning to see and I keep fucking forgetting to do. Have you never seen it? I've never seen it, but I love Richard Stanley movies.

Well, one objection I have to honestly, Losl is that I am not such a Richard Stanley fan. I mean, I guess I haven't seen Dust Devil. I tried to watch Hardware and I'm like, eh, this isn't doing a lot for me. This doesn't please me. There's still some pleas me. Bring me a miniature version of me. Take it away.

And bring me a miniature version of me. And I think the lost soul, if anything else, it kind of deifies Richard Stanley a little much when the movie also kind of makes it clear that he probably wasn't ready to make a big budget movie like Violin or Dr. Moro. Like he was not up for the task even though the movie wants you to believe that whatever he was going to count with was going to be brilliant. Are they gonna do you think they're gonna make a loss all to the Josh Trank fantasy four story?

Yeah. Well, it reminds me of the Yoderavsky's Doon movie where it's a really entertaining documentary about a movie that would have been crazy, but everyone keeps talking in the movie about what an amazing movie it would have been when it's like it does not, this sounds like it would be a mess. This does not sound like a good adaptation of Doon, and that's for sure. Like Yoderavsky is the kind of guy who, if I need somebody to sell farts to people, I'm sure he could make them very appealing and interesting with his colorful language.

Interesting. I mean, one people love farts, they're hilarious. Two, you're not going to buy it. You're going to check it out real quick. Good point. You're going to take a sample, Captain Lee. You're going to be able to get you to take one of those home today. Point is, well, I have to do it to get you home and drive home and apart.

If you enjoy movies, if you enjoy documentaries about failed movies, this is a fun one. You know, it's like an hour and a half. You get to learn why I don't know a lot of souls is such a mess. And it has a lot to do with Valkymer being a crazy dick. And that was the original title of Crazy Heart. Marlon Brando being a lovable crazy person who was just like, you know, this is not important. What we're doing, I don't care what we're doing.

Like we're getting paid. Let's just do whatever crazy shit we want to do. And so that's kind of wonderful too. So if you like that stuff, I'm gonna want to fold the Velcro over story then. No, the Marlon Brando story. Lost Souls is a fun movie. I'm gonna recommend Surprise Surprise. It's an old foreign film. Mm-hmm. It's a French film from Eric Romer called my night at mods

And it is pretty I'm gonna just say this. It's a little pretentious as a movie But that's something I like about it It tells the story of a man who is it's in France it's the 60s this man is a Catholic And his faith is very important to him, but he's lonely and he finds himself one night with an old friend of his and a woman who's friends with that man and the woman is very interested in spending the night with him and he is torn about it.

And most of the movie is that night, the two of them talking and trying to figure each other out and then where their lives go from there. What I like about it is it's a movie that is about the kind of very small drama moments in someone's life that stick with them for a long time, even when it doesn't turn out to be the epic moment of their life. And it reminds me, when I was a kid, one of the things that seemed like a grownup thing to me was the Beatles song Norwegian would, which is about a man going home with a woman.

Things not quite working out the right way and him sleeping in a bathtub and when he wakes up the next morning she's gone and he just kind of like hangs out and then I assume leaves. And it's like as a kid that felt like a very grownup story to me that like this isn't told, this is this is a thing that doesn't go quite right. It doesn't end with a fist fight or a sex scene or an explosion. And my night at mods is kind of like that. It feels like what a, like looking at an important moment to somebody in their growth as

a human being that, but that moment doesn't define their lives or become like the turning point around which everything works. And there's a lot of philosophical talk in it, which I'm a sucker for, and a lot of great black and white photography of just, you know, France at the time, but I thought it was really good. So my night at mods. My night at mods. My night at mods. My night. At mods. At mods. Presented with commentary by a borat. So guys, happy birthday to Stuart.

Hey, who for once we can blame for making us watch this movie rather than me. I'm like, Dan, where you're like, oh, I'm trying to clear my DVR. watch this movie rather than me. I'm like Dan, where you're like, oh, I'm trying to clear my DVR. This is pretty good there, right? That's a good question. I like you. Dan is kind of like a hand-killed type. But thank you for listening. I'm thank you for being here. And we'll be with you in a couple of weeks, but for now, for the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. Hey, I've been Stuart Willington. Good night, everybody. Elliot Kaelin here saying, whatever your time you're listening to this, go to bed.

Good night, everyone. We're watching an episode of American Ninja Warrior today. And they were talking about this stunt where you have to jump from one platform to another platform. And the announcer's like, that's 14 feet people. That's right, that's two Shaquille O'Neill's. Like, ah, the universal system of measurement.

I don't know how to visualize 14 feet. Oh, two Shaquille O'Neill's, yeah, that's okay. Like, I command item, when you have it every home. So shopkeep, I would like to purchase some of your bubble tape. Can I get one and a half shakilon eels of bubble tape, please? I need three shakilon eels of stout rope. Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. You know, they say that's our rope and bubble tape store. Yeah, let's say that's how shakilonNeil got his name as he was a riverboat pilot. And you would drop the rope down and for each league you would say Shaquille O'Neil. Yeah, yeah. Anyone on the right putting Ed Wilson? His most marked way is famous work. Most famous work putting Ed Wilson. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

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