The Flop House - Ep. #237 - Ishtar

Episode Date: August 5, 2017

It's an emotional moment. This is the last regular episode where all three peaches will be in Dan's apartment recording together, in the same space. It's also the ten year anniversary of this dumb podcast's existence. So how did we celebrate it? By taking a look at what was supposedly the worst movie back when we were growing up, Ishtar. Elliott vastly improves "Meet Dave," Dan somehow misses some nudity, and Stuart talks about a "tug in his butt," whatever that means. We're gonna miss this, guys. Wikipedia synopsis for Ishtar Movies recommended in this episode: Robin Hood John Wick: Chapter 2 Winter Kills LIVE SHOWS Sept. 9 - No Elliott, but with (hopefully) Ronny Chieng in New York at the Now Hear This Festival Oct. 10 - The whole gang in Los Angeles, at the Regent Theater Dec. 9 - The whole gang in San Francisco, at the Marines Memorial Theater

On this episode we discuss, Ishtar, the worst movie ever made. So says everyone circa 1988. Boyoing. Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Yep, I'm Stuart Welding. And I'm Elliot Kaelin and Dan, This is a pretty special flop house, right? Yep, we're all nude. We learned a lot. And now listeners, I know you assume that we're nude most episodes, but this is really the first time that we've done it.

And I think we're recording on like the hottest day of the year. Yeah, it is. We figured if we like stripped all our clothes off, we like in a sweat lodge and we could see visions. But the only visions I'm seeing are of winners. Yeah. Revalents of sweat pooling around my, my distended ball sack.

Well, tonight everybody. That's the show. That's the show. That's it. Oh boy. Sorry. We are so hot. We officially. It's it. Oh, boy. We officially jump the sack as the kids like to say, it is very hot in Dan's apartment. And I don't mean hot like the hottest club in town. I mean hot like in Cleveland.

Yeah, how to get some Cleveland old ladies, you know. Is that a hot flash? She's like menopause thing. I think so. I think you're being get some Cleveland old ladies, you know, is that a hot flash is like men a pause thing? I think so. I think you're being unfair to say old ladies. Betty White. Well, I guess. I guess the other women are in and are not old.

Yeah, what are you out there? You got a, is a windy Malik in that? Yeah, windy Malik. Jane Leaves. Okay. And another woman, I think. And Betty White. All right.

Comedy All Stars. I think originally was going to be called Golden Girls 21st century, but they weren't old enough yet. Was that was that like when they did the Marvel 2099? Exactly. And Goosterider looked crazy. Yeah, he was like a robot. Yeah, stupid. And Dr. Doom 29 was 29. Was what Dr. Doom 29 was just a cheap Dr. Doom. Just $29. It's $29.99 for a Dr. Doom. That's a good price for a Dr. Doom. Now, Dan, take your own country. What?

Or a letter. Yeah. Dan, why is it really a special episode? Aside from the fact that one, we're not wearing clothes because two, it is so incredibly moist and hot, but it feels like we're in a swamp somewhere. There's two reasons why this is a special episode. One sad, one happy. Oh, okay.

Should I, which one should I go with first? I guess the sad. All right, this is the last episode that last regular episode. I'm sure that it'll happen again. It'll happen again, just not for a while. This is the last episode that we are recording with Elliott in my apartment before he moves to LA.

Before he dies. Well, damn, this is how my doctor wanted to tell me. Yeah, he called me and he said, do it gracefully. And I was like like I will not Not a capability I have sir. Thank you and goodbye It's like the only thing that would have been worse is if you'd made me read it off a note I did it in body paint And I'm taking that when I took my shirt off for this new all-new episode That's how I decided to get this message across.

It's so sweaty that it's the letters all melted. Yeah, like a Rorschach drawing. Yeah. I thought it said Elliot is dirt, is dirting. I was like, what does that mean? Dying, I'd say that's what it means now. Yeah. And so, yeah, this will be, it's just about 10 days before my move roughly.

Oh, man, are you nervous? Really? I'm all nervous. Yeah, yeah. It's a week from, you know what? Maybe it's more about 10 days before my move roughly. How many? You know, really? It's that close? Yeah, yeah. It's a week from, you know, maybe it's more like 12 days. Do you feel that like little tug in your, in your, in your butt, where you're nervous that you're not gonna give everything done at time? You're not gonna look at that little tug in your butt?

You're not doing it? I don't, you, you mean a tug butt? That little bug bug bug bug bug bug bug bug. That's the little butt that helps the big butts. I'm really, really, really, butt. It's a normal thing. I don't usually feel a tug in my butt. When you get nervous you're gonna get left behind or something. Well, I'm always nervous. I'm gonna get left behind because I don't believe that Jesus was a holy being. That makes you nervous. I mean because there's always a little bit of me that like what if I'm wrong and I'm left in a world just full of empty clothes? Then-huh, then you steal those clothes. Yeah, it's very close.

Never have to buy clothes again. Uh-hmm. I'm not nervous. I'm not, I'm stressed out about getting things done for the day when the movers are coming, but other than that, I'm not nervous about it. Okay. Yeah. Uh, and we're actually releasing this episode, not to, you know, pull the curtain back

too far, but we're releasing this upside a little later than we record it. So it can coincide with our fucking references are going to be dated. Oh, man. Well, hey, OJ Simpson just got paroled today. That's still current, right? Um, Elliot, I hate to break it to you. He's already gone back to jail. No.

How about that crazy New York Times interview with the president? I mean, that'll, another one of those will have happened probably, right? But Dan, what is, so why are we delaying it? We're doing a little bit. Is this too, are we thinking of baseball to make the pleasure last longer? Uh, no, we're going to make this a little special for our 10th anniversary. Let's write the flop house is 10 years old. That's right.

Happy flop day to you, Dan. Happy flop day to you. Stuart. Happy flop day to you, everybody. Except me, because I wasn't here the first few episodes. Happy flop day to you. Yeah, you've been coming in to like five episodes in. What were you doing, man? Yeah, where were you?

I think I was talking about your performance. I think I was still overseas. Oh, yeah, fighting vampires. Yeah, with my buddy Van Helsing. Oh, okay. And his buddy Van Wilder. And their dad Van Morrison, listening to their favorite van van Halen in what else their favorite type of vehicle a VW bug Vance thank you, and you know what kind of rules they were paying attention to?

What? Van Der Pump. Well, you got to abide by those even when you're an international water. Exactly. They were spray-paining stuff because they're van tools. I'll allow it. Now, I'll allow it. And their favorite daily show course on it was Van degenerals. now, and their favorite daily show course on it was Van,

degenerals. Yeah, the flop house is old now. It's weird. Yeah, it was pretty young. You're second to get. Like when you have a birthday and everyone goes, you how you feel older and it's like, no, because I've aged gradually over the course of the year. Yeah.

But I think you'll miss it. so when you guys started this podcast, let me take the place of the audience here from it. Okay. When you got, we'll get to the movie in a little bit. When you guys started this podcast, did you expect to be doing it a decade later? Nope. You know, I, to give people an understanding,

this podcast predates the Obama administration. When Dan suggested we do this podcast, and then and I'm like, yeah, okay, what's a podcast? And then we did it in my bedroom. The podcast. Whoa, that's how that's how he convinced you. Yeah, I the prospect that anyone would listen to it's crazy to me. I the prospect that anyone would listen to is crazy to me. But then you know, Stuart from back then was a little different, a little bit more of a jerky rascal. He has a real jerky boy. If he liked to chicken, it was jerk chicken.

Yep, if you had a crank, he would yank on it. Yeah, the yank them cranks. Hey, hey, hey, keep your legs in the car or is he going to pull them? Yeah, so this is a... What are you, Dan, when you envisioned doing a podcast for some crazy reason? Did you expect one crazy summer? Yep, that's the reference I was expecting you to go with. So I'm going to take that as a no, you didn't expect it to go this long. No, not this long. I thought maybe this was a route to popularity because this was a... No, I honestly did. I had enough foresight to think like, okay, what is not an oversaturated type of media right now?

Podcasts. That's like totally new and you can do it from your apartment. So I was like, maybe this is the way that I'll get some sort of semblance of recognition in this cold, cruel world. That's what it is. Said eventual Emmy winner Dan McGoy. But at the time there were two podcasts.

It was just this and a podcast called, hey, is my mic on? Yeah, yeah. And another podcast called, I'm trying to record a voicemail message. Did I hit the wrong button? Yeah. And into that crowded market. And you have to hit the wrong button a bunch of times because you got to, you know, put on lip.

And even that market, we were number three. Yep. But now the podcast market is very crowded and very cluttered and Dan and store it. You guys are like pioneers. Oh, yeah, early adopters. I mean, Ali, you didn't join up that much later. No, it was me. Yeah, we adopted you.

Yeah, because you found me on your doorstep wrapped up in a little bundle. Yeah, with a bundle of Ziggy comics. For the note that said, please take care of my baby. I am leaving him because he's irritating. But yeah, I joined you guys not too long after, but I still, I kept taking it for creating the show or anything. So what's the point? As much as you want, my one to try.

Yeah. Oh, I keep to climb every, I say in my bios, it always has parentheses, creator, the flop house, and then Dan and Stuart Sue me, and I'm gonna take it out. And once Tyler the creator sued me. Yeah, that was weird. I mean, he just claims to create everything. Which would make him God.

Yep, I think that's implied. Oh, okay. Part of the name. So, what do we do on the show? What have we been doing for the years? I was clapping ourselves on the back for not dying. Not dying, yeah. For persisting.

Yeah, because you know what, Dan? Mitch McConnell tried to shut us down. And yet we persisted. Yeah, it took us like five years to come up with an actual schedule too. That's true. It was great. It used to be like a week, Dan would text me

and L.A. and be like, oh, we should record it. It's been a while since we recorded. You guys freed Amaro. It took a long time for me to like, oh, we should record. It's been a while since we recorded. You guys freeed tomorrow. It took a long time for me to wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. If we plan it ahead of time, we can make sure schedules are free. Yeah.

We can look ahead to time. Something that like I assume cavemen discovered this afternoon, let's go out and hunt bison. Yeah, because I think cavemen had the concept of noondown. All right. Yeah, cavemen were like, hey, when we're done with brunch, because it's Sunday, why don't we go hunt some Bison? Yeah.

Mammoths or Manics, as they would be called in 10,000 BC. 10,000, not the number of years we've done this show. That's 1,000 times the number. But Dan, for the 10th anniversary, we decided to do a special movie, not your regular run of the mill, big budget. That's right. Recent Hollywood flop bust.

Now there are a lot of things that we're just gonna. Or a schlockbuster. Uh-huh. Or. Cocked Sloppler. Right. We talked about a lot of things. A lot of ideas were tossed around. We talked about doing stealth again, which was our very first movie.

And Elliott didn't. Feedback from the listeners pointed that we should watch a movie. Yeah. Feedback from the listeners was all over the place. A poll was taken and it was a very extensive poll. And I thank the people who took the poll. It was not us. There are people on the Facebook group who did it. Paul was taken and it was a very extensive poll. And I thank the people who took the poll, it was not us. There are people who on the Facebook group who did it. And if I remember their names, I thanked them by name.

And they would ask, should the flop house do this? Should they do this? Should they do this? And the overwhelming answer to all of this, everyone was, no, they shouldn't do that. So it was very difficult to get an answer. So we decided ten years. Let's look back into history and see a movie that holds a special place in the popular consciousness of bad movies.

A movie that at this point, it might be hard for the young people to tell you to railize that, there was a time when this movie was literally the only word you had to say for the concept bad movie. There was a time when this movie was considered the naidier of filmmaking. I just the time when this movie was considered the Nadeer of film making. I just want to say that the survey was compiled by Megan Trip.

Thank you very much. Thank you for putting all that work in that we didn't ultimately use unfortunately. You know, we had some ideas that the poll steered us away from. Yeah, that's true. But so Dan, what movie do we decide was so epic, such a monument in the world of bad movies that we had to watch it for the 10th anniversary.

And I say this knowingly announced it at the beginning of the movie, and it's also in the directory of episodes, so they know what movie it is. We're assuming Dan might switch it up and write like 10th anniversary flop-tacular. Yeah, yeah, like secret special movie thing, but we did announce it at the beginning. Dan, what was that movie? Survey says. The garage pale, garbage pale kids.

I fucked up even the joke I was going for. I know I'm interested in the garage pale kids. So it is a pale full of garages, or it's just a pale, someone left in a garage. Cause I have to in the garage pales. So it is a pale full of garages, or it's just a pale, someone lifting a garage. Cause I have to say every garage in America has one random old pale in it. The kids live in the pale, or do they find the pale? Is it a magic pale, or does it have like a microchip

in it that the government is after? I just thought for a second that garage was the British pronunciation. So the garage pale kids is of course based on that very popular series of trading cards, which are about kids that found uses for a pale. Their parents left in the garage. Let me flip through the cards here right now. Ground level basketball hoop. That's an interesting one.

Oh, oh, I like it. Selendrical home, semi-sulendrical home for an action figure. Oh, right. Okay, here's one. Sandcastle maker. These cards have, like, a reverence. That's another card. Those are the clown super show ball catcher.

Game ball catcher. Last minute serial ball. That's going to be pretty last minute. That's a huge bowl of cereal though. I like like a lot of rice checks. No, we so we did not watch the garage back in the garbage trail. about rice checks. No, we. So we did not watch the garage back kids or the garbage fail. We watched Ishtar, which has the distinction of being like post,

playing my from outer space, pre the room, the go-to bad movie reference. It feels like, so let me take you back to the late 80s, early 90s. You guys were kids during that time. So as I was a kid. And there were a couple things that were just taken

for granted by popular culture as a whole. Disco sucked, which has since rightfully been overturned. I guess the cultural Supreme Court looked back at that case and overturned the case of disco v. Good. And they turned out like, oh no, there's a lot of good disco songs. And Ishtar is a piece of crap. And it was just like, if you, the way that you showed someone was wrong or dumb or had bad taste in popular culture,

was you had them either listening to disco or dressing in disco clothes or you had them talking about Ishtar. And it's just taken for granted. Like as a kid, I never saw Ishtar, and it was just taken for granted. Like as a kid, I never saw Ishtar. This was the first time I ever saw it, but as a kid, somehow it filtered down to me as someone who wasn't reading the trades

that this and wasn't watching grownup movies. I remember my parents went to go see crimes and misdemeanors, and I thought it was about the cops character, misdemeanor, that I didn't know what Ishtar was, but somehow. That's fucking awesome. It would be be amazing movie, right? Yeah. Somehow it filtered down to me a kid that Ishtar and since making that strip, he saw it on a plane and was like, this is pretty good. And so he rode a retraction.

Yeah, well the thing is, I was going to say Ishtar has gone through its own re-appraisal in part because people are like, Elaine May made it. She can't make anything bad. She's part of Nichols and May. She made the heartbreak kid and other films of note. A new leaf. She's written on lots of great stuff, but she hasn't directed anything since Ishtar. But it's just like, there's been this re-apraisal. So when we were young, Ishtar was just taken for granted, bad movie.

To the point that when water worlds came out 10 years later, they were like calling it fish tar. And it's like, one, water world's not that bad either. Wait. Is it because it's a fish lives in the water? Ha ha ha. You cracked that code.

These are professor of symbology. I guess you used your touring machine to crack that one. So people are like, but there's every movie that's bad. You find at some point a reappraisal where people are like, actually, well, it's, it's quite good. So we decided, the store was prequels are just misunderstood. It's all the rhyming in them. What's great about it is every shot in it repeats a shot from the original series

but with the thrills and emotion removed. So I guess what they're saying to you is why did you enjoy the first ones? And enforcing you to re-appraise the first movies and assume that the second movies are just as good or better because they're exactly the same but without the fun stuff, you're really messing with your head.

And that's what Star Wars is all about, messing with your head. I love that we're like all like doing kind of like a third party, but we're still talking a little bit like George Lucas when we're doing it. The magic of myth is that I can repeat all my old work, but without the creative inspiration.

That is kind of a little bit more like Jim Henson actually. So, Ish Ishtar. Considered it holds this monumental place in an American consciousness for a while, at least. The room I feel like has overtaken it somewhat. Plan 9 has overtaken it. Ishtar is not what it once was in terms of people using it as a go-to reference,

but then it was reapprased by people. So it's up to us, the flop house, to settle this case once and for all. And what we can only call what movie court. Oh, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, the plaintiff, America, America. They defended Ishtar, a 1987 film directed by a lane maestering Dustin Hoffman and Warren Betty. America says that this movie is really bad,

but some America says the movie is not that bad. Ishtar says, hey, unjust to move me. Move me, leave me alone. A movie too. Will it move me? And you and you, the judges on Flapphouse Movie Court, Judge Flapphouse presiding. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Okay, I dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Nightcourt. Is this a nightcourt? Can we do crazy magic tricks and talk about Mel Tourmé or the other?

No, it's a food court. Crazy magic tricks. Yeah, he wasn't Dr. Strange or Baron Mordeaux. No, this is a food court. So we can only eat kind of crappy pizza and lukewarm, greasy Chinese food. All right. So Ishtar. It's a movie about two guys.

One of them is named Warren Baby. One of them is named Dustin Hoffman. The characters are not named that. It begins with a smash cut, guys. Does it begin with a smash cut? No, it doesn't. It begins with them singing a song over credit. Over the open credits.

The opposite of a smash cut in that the audio is preparing us for what we're about to see. So Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty are two aspiring songwriters. They are not very good. And Warren Beatty is kind of a big dumb lugg who's very unsure of himself. And Dustin Hoffman is kind of thinks of himself as a smooth ladies man. And I read a number of times, first time I saw it about how like the two characters were playing against type, but they're not really because it's not like Dustin Hoffman was known

for playing dumb guys in movies and it's not like Warren Beatty was known for playing like like idiots who think that they're genius, like think that they're, they got off the air now. Like a, a, a, a, a drummer version of his character from Midnight Cowboy, right? Um, I get in it in like a, a more respectable one. I mean, his character Midnight Cowboy is effectively, like a street person. Yeah. Uh, or is he or he's just a bad songwriter

who thinks he's gonna get to the top of his game? And we follow the two of them as, they're trying to strike a big in New York. They're not very good singers. They want to be songwriters, but it's their agent. They get a cut rate agent. Advises them that they should sing songs that people already know and put together like a stage act with pattern. And I love he's like, you got to, here's what you're missing pattern. You got to have jokes.

And it's like, was that what the big musical acts were doing in 1987? Like they had a stage act full of pattern and jokes. Is that what like Van Halen was doing? Were they known for their pattern? I mean, I think they were clearly aiming for a moral fashion thing. And their agent was a moral fashion guy.

But they were looking at albums on the, they're looking at like ass play window. And you've got like talking heads, true stories on the side. And just like, David Brown was not known for his crazy, joke him up pattern. No, I mean, the big suit was kind of funny. Yeah.

And he'd do that whole routine. I don't think it appears in stop making sense. They cut it out where it'd be like, Hey guys, either this suits growing or I'm shrinking. And then he's like, I hope there's no SJWs out there. This is not a safe space. Wait, wait. Yeah, he's a real bad boy. That's bad boy. David Verne. Um, so the, there's a lot of, but we skipped over the, just the fact that there's just a lot of

montages of them coming up with song lyrics. And it's not you were saying we forgot to talk about the most important thing, Dan, which is we see a shot of old timey big CD long boxes in a display window and like my eyes almost popped up. So much wasted packaging. Yeah. But go on, Dan. No, no, there's just like a lot of montages of them coming up with song lyrics and singing.

And wearing. And wearing crazy shirts. Yeah. They're always wearing like kimonos or weird like. Managing head man's. Yeah, it's like there. It feels like two old guys who are like trying to make fun of how cool people dress in the 80s, but they don't really know how cool people dress in the 80s.

Like, it's this very weird, like, kind of out of touch parody of what you imagine, like Michael J. Fox would be wearing in a movie from that time. But they look amazing. Yeah. And how old are they supposed to be because they look really old? They look, I think, older than they actually are. Like, they're both, I think they're both in their 40s when they made this movie. Okay.

And the characters, I'm not, because it's mentioned at one point, their agent says you're not young. And so it's like, I think they are supposed to be like a little too old to be holding onto this dream, but they seem much too old. So is it like when you dress like an old guy and young people's clothes like, I don't know, like a tight t-shirt and a beanie with a propeller on it? It just makes that just way older.

Yeah, yeah. To the point where at the point there were times when it was like, is the dancing six-flights guy? Is the star of this movie? Because they know very old. At what point in history did kids actually wear beenies with propellers on them? That's what I want to know. Like that is a universal signifier for a small child. Maybe when the helicopter was first invented. He's like here, here to commemorate this engineering marvel, here have this hat. I mean, do they ever really giant lollies too?

That's true. I mean, go to six flags, dude. I would accept that scary old dance. You go to the now. We're telling you to go to six flags. It's probably closed. It's the middle of the night. God damn it, Elliot. I'm doing late night rides anymore. I mean, I don't know. I guess I have to find out and go now.

It sounds so dangerous. Why would you go? Oh, they turn all the lights off and they just let the roller coasters run on their own and you have to leap onto them and ride them and leap off again. And it's called suicide flags. Great adventure. Perfect. And that's tied in with DC suicide squad marketing. Yeah, because Warner Brothers has a deal with six flights.

So, Dan, that's why they have Batman the ride, press the ride, brother power the geek, the ride. That's why they have a drag man, the ride, press the ride, brother power the geek, the ride. That's why they have, the ride, the ride. Doom control the ride. It's called Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol the ride, even though he didn't even create Doom Patrol. Absent carrot, the ride. And the amazing zoo crew, yeah.

Exactly. The ride. It's called Captain Carrot the ride and the amazing zoo crew, the ride. It's just one ride, but they put ride in there twice. Captain Carrot the ride and the amazing zoo crew the ride. It's just one ride but they put ride in there twice. Captain Carrot's a rabbit, right? You better believe it. Do you deserve a crossover with him and playman Carrot? I don't think so, but it'd be pretty, it'd be pretty amazing. Go on, damn. Oh, so okay, so I'll go along. So here's the point I want to make out of this movie. So the first, like, half hour of this movie,

So here's the point I want to make of those movie. So the first, like half hour of this movie, they are in New York and they're struggling, songwriters and they can't get it going. And there's a lot of montages, like you said, of them trying and failing and seeing songs that feel like they're kind of semi improvised. And watching this movie in those sequences, it was like, oh, like I'm looking

at the future of film comedy 20 years early, but they don't know it. Like two, like movies about two dumb idiot men who are deliberately really stupid and bad at what they're doing. And the joke is that they have total confidence, but they're very bad at it. And like, that they're just like, looking at the camera, because they're looking at the audience just singing, delivering bad songs in a bad way. Like, I'm watching Will Ferrell's career. Yeah. And they're providing 10 options for the movie

and the movie decides to err all 10 of them. Yeah, just to cut quickly between all different options instead of picking the best one. Yeah. Like that is the most forward looking piece of 80s comedy I can imagine. You're seeing Will Ferrell and John C. Riley. And I mean, Warren Beatty, kind of a John C. Riley type. In this movie, yeah.

Two classically handsome muscle balls. Okay. Both with clown training. Yep. But like this, the kind of like Will Ferrell or like Kristen Wigg style, I feel like you're seeing it aborning here. And if the movie had continued in that fashion, it might have been kind of like an interesting experimental misfire for me. The jokes are not quite there. It would be like, oh, this is this kind of fetal development of a new kind of film comedy that like it's not

improv the way Robert Altman would have people improv in a movie. And it's not mailed of scenes. It's built of like individual jokes that we cut between really quickly to get like, so it's like, bam, bam, like a menu of jokes rather than a scene. And there's a lot of, I feel part of those performances, one of the things that doesn't work for me is how much time it lingers on audience reactions and the audience reactions being basically just bored. Yeah, or like, every now and then there's some of the background who looks shocked and you're like,

they're not so bad that you should be shocked. I mean, instead of one joke from the producers done over and over again, when they cut from string time from her Hitler from the first time and the whole audience has the exact same shock expression on their face. And that works because it's a very quick joke. And as you've also seen an entire musical number about Hitler up to that, up to that point.

So like their shock is earned. Yeah. And so like, you're like, there is also, and it's that musical number is not just bad. Like, it's not just like a, these are just like bad songs. That musical number is so tastelessly like like perverse where the women the woman women with like Nazi Eagles over their breasts and things like that shot is earned whereas this is just like if you go to it like they're at an open mic song thing like the audience should not be shocked by a bad song being put up. Yeah. Yeah, what do they expect?

Like if they went if it was like Palm ofartney one night only and Paul McCartney came out and Performed like those guys. I can understand a stadium of shot Because Paul McCartney is one of the greatest live performers. There is or whoever's impersonating Paul McCartney now that he died years ago Yeah, yeah, and that car accident. Yeah as the song says I saw Paul McCartney a few years ago and He was I think already in his seventies and I was getting tired watching his show and like two hours in he goes off stage I was like oh yeah, he must be exhausted and that's only he runs on stage waving an enormous American flag Just running back and forth waving and the audience is cheering I was like how does this guy have the energy to do that?

Like what battery did they hook him up to when he walked off stage that he can do that now? But so but so this so I'm just a man like you walk off stage and he has like like 12 like 14-year-old kids that he's just transfusing blood from or it's like it's just it's like the end of the prestige that he He crumbles and dies and then they break and open another canister and another McCartney comes out spoiler for the prestige uh... all the car and he's great oh yeah yeah he's not even the rock star that's in it uh...

the so so for those scenes this movie is pointing a direction from comedy that it's not my favorite type of comedy but it's like this movie is ahead of its time and then it takes a and i i mean i like what it's i like that it's like this movie's ahead of its time. And then it takes a... I mean, I like what it's... I like that it's trying to do something. But for some reason it feels so... It doesn't work for me.

And I feel like the characters aren't really established. I don't know if it's because... I have trouble buying Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty as a couple of like bumbling doofuses. I don't know if it's because I've seen them in so many other movies. I mean, it might be, but like you could- That's not like character choices are- But you could- For the most part, pretty soft.

You've seen Dustin Hoffman in lots of movies, but you could buy him as an autistic person in Rainman. Yeah. Like, they're just, they don't know how to play these characters. They're not, they're either, they're at alternating moments, they're either not committing enough, or they're just, they don't know how to play these characters. They're not, they're either, they're at alternating moments, they're either not committing enough or they're playing the characters too serious and not funny. Warren Beatty's accent gets significantly more like country. Yeah, cornpone throughout.

Also, this movie commits the crime of bringing in Carol. A murder. I'm sorry, those toilets on the movie. Yes. Bringing in Carol came for basically us scene. Oh, yeah, but you know what, other movie does that? Annie Hall. Yeah. And that's an amazing movie. Yes. Bringing in Carol Kane for basically us scene. Oh yeah, but you know what other movie does that? Annie Hall. Yeah.

And that's an amazing movie. That's true. But I guess. And the woman who played, I had to look her up, but the woman who played Warren Beatty's ex-wife or a ventual ex-wife in this movie. Has been a bunch of stuff too. And like she was Jesse Pinkman's mom and breaking back. No, I didn't realize that. And a bunch of stuff too. And like she was Jesse Pinkman's mom and breaking. No, I didn't realize that.

A bunch of other stuff. Dan iPodders, Carol Kane is in two scenes in any hole. There's a scene where he picks her up and the scene where they break up. Is he obsessed with the JFK, I says. I'm just saying that Carol Kane is an amazing comic actress. Oh yeah.

Like give her nothing to do in this movie. What's the way over there? I mean Charles Growns in this movie, and we know big part and they barely give her anything to do. You're a man being Carol Kane and having to watch Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty fumble through comic shit and be like They're the fucking stars of this movie. She's like I was in Hester Street Hester Street for God's sakes

Is really good in that So yeah Carol Kane they could have used more. Frankly, like, so as I'll skip forward a little bit. So the movie takes a big turn and becomes an 80s action comedy, a par non-exalance, but I will say, where they get mixed up with Isabella Johnny, who I'm a huge fan of, but if Carol Cain had played the Isabella Johnny part,

it would have been so funny. Neither of them is Arab. So the fact that there, that it's supposed to be, I guess, I mean, Eastern character wouldn't matter either way. Can you imagine if Carol Cain was the like, well, we'll talk about that part. Anyway, so they get their agent books them, he gives them a choice, they can play Honduras or they can play Morocco. They decide they'd rather go play Morocco on the way they have to pass through the fictional dictatorship of Ishtar, which is on the verge of a civil war as its imperious dictator is being challenged by a rebel, you know, leftist liberation army. While in the airport in Ishtar awaiting their, it's not a guilt, is it a connecting flight?

Like they're looking for somebody, I don't know. They have to fly out of the Canary Islands for some reason. How they get to the Canary Islands is never explained. I assume an airplane from New York. While there, they, while Warren Bady goes off to find some help and Dustin Hoffman is accosted by what he thinks is a boy in Native Guard.

And now this movie, these airport scenes, I think they're supposed to look really chaotic and exotic, but they just look like an airport. Like, there's nothing particular, like, doesn't have an war in baby like so fluster. You've been in New York too long, buddy. You're too used to the crowds and hustle and bustle the city.

But these guys are from New York too. But it's like, they're supposed to be there like super, I don't know what to do, it's just a airport. Anyway, he's accosted by what he thinks is a boy until she lifts up her shirt and shows him a naked boob, which. Wait, did that happen? Yeah, you missed that part?

Oh, Jesus. It's like a half, she's all that, no, she's all that. He's not so sad. A half just one of the guys. Can I get you another drink? I feel like I missed the only thing they would have made this movie worthwhile. For you, yeah, and you did miss it.

And anyway, and he's immediately like, go go home, she says, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm Yeah, yeah. His, and his eyes turn into steam whistles like a factory. Yeah. Yeah. And so I apologize and they turn into a rocket and blast it off. Before this, there's a scene I skipped where some arc, this is where you know an 80s mood comedy is going wrong.

You cut to a scene in the desert where archaeologists are discovering an ancient artifact. Not a good idea because we're being introduced to the thriller plot aspect and for some reason it seems like 85% of comedies from the 80s felt they needed to have an action-chased plot when you really just want to see people doing funny stuff and being funny Yeah, like you know how many times this worked well. How many times do you think Dan? Ghostbusters I think it's specifically with like an exotic travel plot where there's like a MacGuff and people are chasing it. Oh, okay. Usually, it's one of your favorite movies.

North by Northwest. I'm time at the 80s. That's not exactly. 1980s. An exotic MacGuff and it's funny. In an exotic foreign country. Uh-huh. It's a common.

I'm asking the stone. Yes, romancing the stone. Okay. Took you a few choices. Took you a few guesses, but you got to a movie that a few days ago you told me is one of your favorite movies. I mean, it's a great movie, Ellen. It's really good.

But for every remancing the stone, which is there's just one, there are like a thousand, it's the same way that like whenever in on in. Yeah, so they try to sell you a second romance with a stone. It's called Jewel denial denial don't buy it. It's just like how in the 80s they would do these TV movies or special episodes where sitcoms would go to other countries. And they'd always get mixed up with either spies or drugs

and be like why are the perfect strangers getting mixed up with with drugs. Yeah, why are the family ties is getting mixed up with spies? There's no, or like diamond smugglers. There's no reason for this. For some reason, 80s comedies always felt like they had to, and not always, there are movies like Moonstruck that don't do this, but like they often felt like they had to go to a foreign country and get involved in political or criminal intrigue.

Or like, if it looks good kill, where a high school student gets mistaken for a secret agent, probably because he looks like he's like 45. So anyway, this guy finds, this archaeologist finds an artifact that appears to be an ancient map that explains a prophecy that two messengers from God will come along and help overthrow an evil tyrant. He is attacked and they try to steal the mat from him. He's already given it to his sister, Isabella Johnny. Who, the act where we were, a cost doesn't often

in the airport and says, give me your passport and let's switch bags. And you take this thing that I have there after me. And he agrees to do it pretty easily. I assume because he saw her boob, and that's like just hypnotized him completely. Much the same, and it like the same way that if she'd given him a blowjob, his eyes would have crossed.

It's the 80s boob's are pretty new. He's like, what? I still have to process what I just saw. Well, they used to be pointy, Elliot. That's the thing. In the 50s. Yeah. The new model came out and they were making man go crazy.

That is new thing now. Round soft boos replacing the old pointy boos. Yeah. Those old ones used to take your eye on. And I think we might be getting to the end of the boob talk quotient for the episode. Okay. Where do you send the say about it? I think it's making skip but no. No, it is. It's one of those things, it's like a lot of scenes in this movie where like motivations are kind of unclear

and you don't quite know why people are doing what they're doing, which is I'm just saying the exact same thing over again. But no, but that's true. There's a lot of people doing, there were a lot of times in the movie when we were like, wait, why are they doing that? I don't know if like, that's an editing or a performance or a directing or a script problem. I don't know if like that's an editing or a performance or a directing or a script problem.

I don't know enough about you. I mean, why, who, why do we have to pass blame? Let's, let's spread it around. But it's, whatever reason Dustin Hoffman agrees he gives her his passport and his bag. He finds out he thinks he can just get a new passport right away at the US Embassy and they're like, oh no, we're on the verge of a civil war

and you don't, we don't have the paperwork and he gets mad. He says, Warren Beatty, we shouldn't miss our performance date in Morocco, you go ahead of me, I'll wait here and I'll get my passport. Warren Beatty goes ahead. Dustin Hoffman runs into another American at the hotel. It's Charles Groden, who turns out to be a CIA officer. The great Muppet Capers, Charles Groden. You got it, Clifford's Charles Groden. That's right, the Charles Groden who turns out to be a CIA officer. The great Muppet Capers Charles Groden.

You got it Clifford's Charles Groden. That's right. The Charles Groden show. The Charles Groden show. No. Those episodes of Louise Charles Groden. Yeah. Charles, we should make it clear.

We love Charles Groden. Yeah, he's great. We're not like, we're not denigrating him. His performance in the lonely guy, I think it's so funny. He's such a funny guy. Uh, but anyway, there's like Dave is an okay comedy. Dave is very good comedy. But every,

the one where every scene Charles growing in. No. That's the one that's the most people are inside. No, that's me Dave. No, this is Dave with Kevin Klein. He's made up. It's not me. That's not me. I knew they were going to it's not me. It's not a meat day.

I knew they were gonna gather there. Exactly. Every day of his meat day. Until you meet a robot named Dave, every day of his meat day, they're all made of meat. That's if someone even a- Sounds like an inspirational poster. Every day of his meat day. And there's one that just shows,

it shows a pig winking and it says they're all made of meat. I'm just saying if I meet a Dave I want him to clarify their meat Dave when I meet him. So I'm sure a robot Dave. Yeah, because ironically meat Dave from the movie meat Dave was a robot Dave. Full of little meat Dave's oh man. Oh my god. They should have called it robot Dave full of meat Dave's No, they should have said meat Dave comma a robot Dave full of meat Dave's the movie. Starring Eddie Murphy. Thank you for telling me it's a movie. And now just a poster.

And that you're not just scripted to meet a guy. You're like, I'm meeting a new person. Should I get dressed up nice? I'm going to climb through this picture on the wall. Do I have anything to my team? It's not a mirror. That's not you, you're not that character. I'm black with a mustache. No, that's a photograph of Eddie Murphy.

So he gets hired by Charles Grodden, a CIA agent to be like a CIA spy because it means he'll have enough money to buy a car to get to Morocco. He does. Warren Beatty performs one night is Performing his act by himself. He says I'm gonna perform some Simon and Garfunkel songs Everybody requests songs. They're not Simon and Garfunkel songs. He refuses to play them until doesn't Hoffman appears and they saying that's a moray

Which the crowd requested saves the day that fucking bang because it's like play the fucking hits dude Nobody wants to hear your wooseyussy indie Simon and Garfunkel nonsense. Rock, go. We're ishtar. You're right. You want to hear fucking that's a more. You want to hear the hits, the number one hits like that. Some more.

Italian song. That's a more. Yeah. Yeah. It's an old Italian song. That's a mori. Yeah, yeah, it's an old Italian song. That's why one word in it is Italian. It's all about explaining what that word means. I'm just saying. In a star, it's not necessarily the, yeah, anyway.

You could say it's an American song, because that would be accurate. All right. So, that's an Italian song, dude. That is, it is, it's about a finicular. It is, it was about a finicular. So, that's an Italian song, dude. It is. It's about a finicular. It is. It was about a finicular. No, I know. Yeah. About a thing that goes up a mountain. Yeah. I mean, it's a little bit... Technically, it's about an

Englishman that goes up a hill and comes down a mountain. That's right. A lot of movie that was. Anyway, so we should do that one sometime. I've never seen it. I always went to the title because it's like how to turn into a mountain while he's up there. So anyway, they get mixed up in this thing in the middle of the night. Dustin Houghton, they are a huge hit in Dustin Houghton's like I got to ride this high. Warren Beatty goes to bed. Yeah, Warren Beatty, which would be a much better movie if they were actually chasing a dragon. I imagine it's like Kangaroo Jack puts with a dragon.

It's what's called Dragon Jack. Yeah. Warren Bay De is attacked in a hotel room by, oh no, or Isabella Johnny. She's been creeping in. She wants to switch the bags back. He hilarious bit again, things that she's a boy who is just trying to rob them until she kisses him.

And he's like, got a lot of emotions that he's not sure of. One thing leads to another, and let's like, got a lot of emotions that he's not sure of. One thing leads to another and let's just cut, cut long story short, Warren Beatty gets recruited by the Rebels, well, Dustin Hoffman is working with the CIA, which is on the side of the dictator. This should lead to like hilarious misunderstandings. What it leads to almost immediately is a shootout at a market square

that leads with the, that ends up the two of them on the run with a camel in the desert. That's what people did. It's also like, a lot of people die in this shootout. And the most manate fruers there, I love that guy. Yeah, Matt fruers is the age, isn't it, scene? Yeah, put him in anything, I'll watch it.

Even the Generation X TV pilot? Yeah, I'll watch it. Okay, don't, he's in it, but. He was also in spies like us. This is one of the most it was called the Age of Fruer. Yeah. This is one of the most incompetently filmed action sequences I've seen I think. Like there's no tension. No. There's there's no real sense of who Mike falls into the frame. No that's a later scene. Yeah. No but it's like you know how this feels I mean I would say that it feels like it

was shot in a hallway, the way that it's put together, except that old boy has an action scene shot in a hallway. And it's amazing. So that's not an insult to say an action scene was shot in a hallway. But it's really an aptly strung together. And like, that's fine. Elaine May is a huge dramatic and comic talent. She doesn't need to be a great action director, but then maybe don't make a movie with a bunch of action scenes in it. If that's not your will foray. Yeah, maybe stick to the goofy guy is singing in New York.

Yeah, because those scenes were super great. I mean, they were better than the rest of them. They were better. I think if they had just been them as songsters in New York or they try to go to Hollywood to make it big. This would not have been as big a flop. It's certainly one of the things that people hated about the movie was that it cost a lot.

Because critics like to get hung up on how much a movie costs as if that's the art. If you save that money, it was gonna be going to feeding the hungry. Or making a good movie. It's like, I think we've shattered the idea that an expensive movie is a prestige or a good movie by the fact that the most expensive movies are made now and they're almost all crappy.

But at the time, it was like if a movie was really expensive, you expected to get a lot out of it. And so, then the movie would have been a lot less expensive if they weren't in the desert doing action scenes. But, okay, it's this and that shootout, they escape, they get told some, they got to meet up with somebody. Dustin Hoffman is told, hey, you got to get this guy out in the desert and we'll pick you up in a helicopter. Warren Bayes told you got to get a camel from somebody. It's part of a code or something like that. They end up with a blind camel stumbling around

in the desert, left for dead by everybody. Yeah. And they've still got this magic map, just like magic map XL. Mm-hmm. I'm sure you enjoyed that. Not even the XXL. It's the middle one.

The Empire Strikes Back of the Magic Mike Series. Oh wow, it's got a dark ending. Yeah. I mean, this movie did kind of have a dark ending. It ends with magic Mike. It ends with magic Mike getting his penis sliced off, and he has to get a robotic penis. Oh, okay, that's didn't go the way I thought it was going to.

I thought it was more of an audition type thing. I mean, I think that's okay, because I think for Mike, it's, you know, that he's giving pleasure to others. Yeah. He doesn't need to feel himself, and his new robot penis, telescopes. Yeah.

Like it telescopes back into his body when he's not using it. Like Wolverine's claws kind of, which I know Wolverine's claws don't telescope, but you get what I'm saying. What if they did? Do you think there was ever a character design? Do you think like when they tried to make the X-Men movies, there are some character designers like,

they're just knives, that's stupid. What if they were telescoping blades? Yeah, the same way that every time they're like, hmm, Superman, Spider-Man, and Batman's costumes have existed relatively unchanged for, at this point, almost a hundred years. Let me throw some shitty texture on there. Like, let me do a bunch of weird contours that don't make sense.

How long have put fake muscle pads on this one? How, what if it all looked like it was really pebbly? What if it looked pebbly? Yeah, we want the villains to try and grab them and be like, that feels weird. I don't want to touch that. It's like you're supposed to be, it's one of those things that's supposed to be like a massager, but it feels gross. Can we?

I mean, they give you that soap full of oats, and they're like, it's good for your skin. And it's like, why does it feel like I'm scraping myself? Can we nipple this thing up by at least 90%? That's a lot. Yeah, oh man. Well, you don't want like, you don't want a partial nipple. That would be weird. No, that would be very strange or inverted,

which a lot of people have. Yeah. And they have to blow on their thumb, make them pop out. Yeah. So they get lost in the desert. They are wandering around forever. Like I've seen movies where people wander in the desert. They are wandering around forever. Yeah.

Like I've seen movies where people wander in the desert for a long time. Go to the bad and the ugly, Lawrence of Arabia, desert, the movie. The story. Noah, just, uh, wait, not Noah. What the fuck? Noah's kind of the opposite of the desert. It's nothing but water, Dan. You mean the Ten Commandments?

Yeah, that's right. What was it or Prince of Egypt or was it moving all the Moses? I'm just talking about the story of Moses. Oh, okay, just the Exodus. In general. Yes, they wondered the desert for a long time. They wondered the desert for a long time. It's gonna be on Thunderdon, where it has to ride off with that weird...

With a clown thing on his head or something? Yeah. Or just talking about the Moses pale kids. Anyway, Dan's going to Elliot, you got a bit for that? No, I don't know what I'm not sure I want to exert the energy to try to visualize what the Moses pale kids would be. Ollie, I think of it. There's a pale of the Moses in it.

You can get a little bounce pass. You can just take a break of that. You know what? I'm going to use my red card. I only have one for person, but I'll use it to get out of this one You know what I'll phone a friend on this one Stewart why don't you handle the Moses fail kids When you say Moses failed kids and you think it's a bit that's a bad idea kids and you think it's a bit that's a bad idea. When you start to sing to cap off the bet that's bet that's much worse. Yeah. Get the words wrong for the stupid song then

you keep on along in this thing. When you did that the quick summary of them getting lost in the desert, you made it sound more exciting than it was. It's very boring. They are wandering forever and then like, they fall down and some vultures land. And that's about it. And for like, there's, you know, there's a couple of bits that are funny. Like Warren Betty yelling at the vultures is pretty funny.

Yeah, there's some funny stuff there. And there's a part, it's not funny. There's a part where they run into some gun runners who are auctioning off guns to Bedwins and Dustin Hoffman gets mixed up with the auctioneer who never shows up. Like, you think that the cap of that, so Dustin Hoffman has to pretend he can speak Arab languages in a bit that it would be kind of offensive today. Yeah, kind of offensive. It's a little offensive, but at the time, Arabs were of course our number one source of enemies

for action movies, so we didn't really care what they thought. But you'd think the capitals that it would be that the real auctioneer shows up. But no, he conducts a successful auction with the help of a ringer, when you're paying for this stuff in his, in his cavear. You have to assume that the real auctioneer has died long ago, his bones stripped by vultures.

Oh, you have to assume that the other auctioneer has been blessed by God with mercy and will not be appearing in the film. Yeah. The other auctioneer is being held upside down and having his feet burned by Joppa's robot. There are so many scenes of them wandering the desert. I'm like, when are they going to come upon Joppa's house? It was a gone joy to have that happen and not the other guy. Well, maybe they maybe the gone joy was a bad auctioneer and that's why they did it.

It was just like, uh, we are first lot is this beautiful dancing girl, Ula. Do I hear gunk? Gunk. Do I hear gunk? I have gunk. Do I hear gunk? The man in the back gunk. Do I have gunk?

I'm anoman. Yes, gunk. Boba Fett gunk. Okay. Do I have gunk? Gamore and guard gunk, the man in the back gunk. Do I have gunk? I'm anoman, yes gunk, Boba Fett gunk. Okay, do I have gunk? Gamorian guard, gunk. Do I have gunk? Yak man, gunk. Yeah, Rie's gunk. Oh, that's clad to gunk.

And they were like, so how much is that at the end? Gunk, and they're like, job was like no job of manga. Send into the torture palace to be torture. Seems impossible about it. That's because job of the, by the point he the point, he'd been stuffing a lot of frogs in his gullet and stuff on that hookup pipe. He's just living a pretty hard. No job, no job of long-toed lifestyle at that point.

Yeah, he has tattoo on his belly that says, this is a long-toed life. And also, when you're on salacious grime, how can you not be in a good mood? The guy loves to laugh. Yeah. How is nobody, or maybe it exists? It's like a walk in Big Johnson T-shirt.

Yeah. It's a guaranteed hilarity. I love that character. It's just like, you know, it's just a big Johnson. No, Salacious Grum is just an adjective and a noun. Like, it's is just an adjective and a noun. Like it's just a crazy adjective and a noun. Yeah, like lots of other names. Whoa, like what?

Like a name one. Happy Gilmore. All right. Like lucky, what's her name? Lucky. What? Something. Who's that person named Lucky?

For what? I can't remember. Like, wait, wait, wait, wait, like, uh... Yeah. Uh-huh. Smiley guy? Okay, that's Guy Smiley's name, but his background. Yeah.

Plugle your seat belts. All right. Rays is just three eyes backwards. What? I think it's not real. It's like an anagram. It's not, it's an anagram. I mean, they chopped out some letters,

the T and the H are not in there. It's the same shit. But, so I guess what I'm saying is, Salacious Crumb, why has anyone done a video yet where he's singing that I love to laugh song from Mary Poppins? Get on the internet, I guess. Come on, the internet. Make it happen.

Once I asked for a gift of boba fat falling into the star like and it would say nothing but fat, people made it. So people to make this now. Don't send us that thing where it's the lightsaber battle but it's just on Wilson saying, whoa, I'm saying, wow, we don't need that. 500 of that. A lot of those, I want more salacious crumcing

that I love to laugh song from Mary Poppins Yeah, it's tough. You know the one that that uh that Edwin sings yeah, yeah, I love to laugh Yeah, but imagine salacious crum doing it. Yeah, even the audio that he's that and instead of the Edwin life is that So salacious Get that was his first show. That was his first show. Yeah, his first show. His first show. But he's just a studio laffer.

So he didn't get credit on the album. Didn't get any sweet royalties. So we've established again Salacious from my favorite Star Wars alien because he loves to laugh. Let's get back to the movie. They're wandering the desert forever. The CIA wants them dead, but it's not working out. They send a helicopter to shoot them down, but they have all these guns from the gun runners because I guess the gun

runners see the helicopter coming, I think it's coming for them and they all scatter. Now they've got this weaponry and they're going to shoot this helicopter down. It flies away. Isabel Johnny shows up with the Jeep, saves their bacon. And they fire like, they have like rockets that they're grenades. They're firing at the helicopter. It flies away. Charles Rodin says abort mission, abort mission. Everything's okay. Because it was supposed to be sort of a low key like under the radar mission that they're

killing their own civilians. Yeah, they're killing Americans. They're killing Americans and in his star. They're killing in the name of. Yeah. And then you do it they told you. So what here's where I like the movie I lost the script to the end it's like what happened to that stupid magic map everyone was talking about that was going to precipitate a revolution happen.

I think the idea is so Charles Jordan like mumbles a bunch of stuff about how... There are a lot of scenes where Charles Gordon is mumbling plot exposition of Dustin Hoffman and I'm like, what? Yeah, like, that idea is like... I can't hear it. They threaten to sell the map to the KGB and they extorted like number one, the Amir is like supposed to become more liberal now. There's gonna be reforms.

Oh, I missed all that. And number two, the US government to cover up what they've been doing in Ishtar, they have to back their album. That's what I got. So they write a new album that's awful as songs about Ishtar and their big song that they've been trying to do the whole movie, which is about how honesty doesn't make you popular. And if you play a courty and they're not gonna ask you to play in a rock and roll band, but we can sing!

And the US government funds an album and a tour. And it ends with their album cover in the same shop display window that they were looking into earlier with such envy in their eyes. And I gotta tell you guys, this is something I mentioned right before we start recording. At home right now, I'm in the middle of watching a movie called Black Moon, the Louis Moll movie

that's a kind of dream-like vision of a, not exactly sci-fi world where men and women are in a violent war with each other. And one woman is wandering through the chaos and just, it's just weird set piece after weird set piece. Suddenly a herd of pigs followed by naked children will just run through the frame. Or she'll talk to a woman where the woman seems

to be speaking multiple languages at once. I am having so much of an easier time following that movie than I had following Ishtar, a big budget Hollywood comedy starring Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman. I had so much trouble following the plot of this movie and knowing why anyone was doing anything at any point. Yeah. I went into it because there has been a little bit

of like a re-evaluation. I went into it expecting it to be better than it was. Uh, yeah. And it's not very good. It's not like I would have liked nothing more than to see it and be like, they were right. This is a good movie, but it's like, it's like trying so hard to be funny and failing in almost every opportunity.

Like I don't even think it's trying that hard because you watch whole scenes and you're like, where were the jokes? I guess that's true. What happened to the jokes? They're trying so hard to do something. Oh my name, hey. But I don't know what they're trying to do.

Yeah. It's like, you want to watch, hey, you want to watch these jokes. I'd love to watch, hey, just a big pile of, hey, you want to not have to watch your star again, I'd rather watch the, hey, because a bug might show up at some point. If you, you want to watch your star, but like the funny version, this watch dumb and dumb or guys, it's basically the same thing. It is basically the same thing and it is actually funnier.

It's much funnier, and you have two actors playing, I mean, Dustin Hoffman and Warren Bady are great actors. They're like Dustin Hoffman's one of the best actors in American film ever, but they, for whatever reason. And Warren Bady's really great and became Mrs. Miller. Warren Bady's great and a lot of stuff, and he's like, Warren Bady is a genuinely great director, like Reds is a great movie.

And to think that only in a few years that Powerhouse duo of Hoffman and Bady would star side-by-side in one of the greatest movies of all time, Dick Tracy. Uh, you're overstating it quite a bit. I mean, but at least with Dick Tracy, like, it looks beautiful. Like Ishtar, it's got Vittorio's Tararro is making this movie. He's one of the greatest cinematographers of all time and like, it doesn't look that great. Like, it looks, and it's, and you can't say like, well, it's in the desert. There's not like going on. There have been beautiful movies made in the desert. Deserts are beautiful. Like, it's neither funny nor exciting nor

beautiful nor touching, but we's a weird time out. So Warren Bating does not have in there great, but they cannot seem to get the hang of playing two losers. And you can't play dumb people. It's hard. I mean, even in Midnight Cowboy does not minza loser, but he's not like a, he's kind of oblivious and doesn't understand the world. He's a little scammer. Yeah, but he's not an idiot. Whereas like Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels like totally understand what being what makes being dumb funny you know. And within moments of being introduced to their characters, you know who they are. Yeah. And I don't think Dustin Hoffman and Warren

Badey even knew who their characters were for a while. I think they they I mean the the joke was always that they were that they had switched care not joke was always that they had switched characters, not joke, the idea that they had switched characters. So maybe they were trying to do their impressions of each other and they're just like really unflattering them, but that doesn't make sense because Warren Bady is, like you're saying, his accent gets more and more southern as time goes on and he talks about what a big clumsy guy he is. Like, I would have liked it more.

It's the same thing we're in like, face off, as crazy as the movie is. It never really lives up to the promise of John Travolta doing a Nicholas Cage impression and Nicholas Cage doing a John Travolta impression, which it should have been. Yeah, I think that's right. Like, they should have, but this one,

like, maybe if they had played into that more, like they're literally playing each other's characters, like, I mean, I think the best parts in face off are when they're kind of trying to do impressions of each other. Yeah. I think I don't know. I think the best parts of face off where as Nicholas Cage is, is the bad guy. And he's the beginning and he's just like a crazy person. And he's a priest dancing in public and grabbing like a young girl's button.

No one seems to notice. Like it's like he's heard invisible in that moment. It's like at that moment no one seems to see him but there's one girl in the choir. And I kind of wonder like, is he a figment of her imagination? And the rest of the movie is just her fever dream as he lies between life and death on a church choir trip. So Dan, we're really like fruit. He eats peaches for hours.

That's all that means, right? I mean by that point. They really like fruit. He eats peaches for hours. That's all that means, right? I mean by that just like fruit. Yeah. That's why I was on the cover of fruit lover magazine. Dan, so where are the jokes? These people know jokes? Yeah, it's just like the opposite of a fucking oopsolberry situation. Oops, no jokes. Oh, it's like, you know, it's like the Garfield without Garfield's thing, but it's like comedy without jokes, like someone went in and digitally erased all the jokes.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think that- Where do you erase fucking Garfield? I think it'll wait. Because then it becomes a comic strip about John Arbuckle living in his sadness. Yeah. It's pretty funny.

There's two ways to do it. There's the one where there's no Garfield in John Arbuckle Crazy Person. And there's the one I prefer where Garfield's in it, but they've erased all of his speech balloons. So it's just John Arbuckle blowing his top of the cat and just abusing this cat that does nothing but sit there. You ever see that one Garfield comic where he's there at the vet and John picks up like a coffee mug and drinks it real quick and the vet is like Congratulations, you're gonna have a litter of puppies Mr. Arbuckle and you're like

Did he just drink dog jizz out of a coffee cup? Not seeing that one. I don't know it. It's also a huge misunderstanding about how insemination works If it doesn't use a veterinarian. Go in the mouth. Maybe this will be successful. None of my dog inseminations have worked. You drink something out of that coffee cup. Yeah. Also, what are they keeping up with coffee cup?

I mean, it could be. And their Garfield is, doesn't get the reputation it deserves as being a pretty experimental strip. There was the Nine Lives of Garfield, which is a crazy book. There's that Garfield, that week of Garfield strips were Garfield is in his house and everyone's gone. And it implies that he dies. And every strip after that is just his fantasy

that he escapes into, like at the end of Brazil. Oh, okay. But anyway, Ishtar. So guys, I was disappointed that it wasn't like, like I was this movie totally, it didn't live up to the re-appraisal hype, but it kind of totally lived up to the early hype of it being really bad.

Yeah, I think this is a final judgment sort of thing. What's, whether this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie kind of like, Elliot, continue with your thoughts. I would say, I wanted this to be either a good bad movie or a movie kind of like, there's just a bad bad movie. Like, it's one of these, in my opinion, maybe I'm wrong. But in watching this movie, I can't.

When you say it that way, it doesn't seem like you think. Maybe I'm the one who's crazy. But like, I think I can count up the number of moments in the movie that I was entertained or enjoying it like on one hand. There were so many times when I like, just couldn't puncture what was going on screen. I couldn't engage or enter into it because I found it so boring and incomprehensible

in terms of like why are these things happening on screen. What about this is supposed to be funny. Like if you told this movie to me and you didn't tell me it was a comedy, I think I would think it was like kind of just a bad action thriller. Yeah. Yeah. But it feels like they also slammed two different movies together. They took the first half hour and they slammed it into this like kind of crappy TV movie Indiana Jones place. What do you guys think? Yeah. I, the first 20 minutes or so, I was kind of like, oh, maybe this is like an underrated comedy. Like, it's not, I'm not laughing that much, but so, I was kind of like, oh, maybe this is like an underrated comedy. Like, it's not, I'm not laughing that much,

but their moments were like, this is funny, and I can see what it's pointing at, and I can see what it's trying to do, and I like the kind of semi-improvisational feel, although it could really use an editor. If it kept going that way, it wouldn't be really good, but it wouldn't be abysmalall the way it's been described. But as soon as it goes into the Middle East, it just becomes so deadly, doll, and all

of the plot is relayed by Charles Grauden having conversations with people. Have you missed any of it? You're totally lost. And that's what I feel about it. Yeah, no, you guys are both right. I did not enjoy this. I was hoping because it was like known for being this big budget flop. I was hoping that at least there would be things on screen. There would be visually interesting, like a choice that is totally wrong, but it was at least interesting to see like 1941 is not a fun movie, but you're like, wow, this is a big movie.

Like there's tons of shit going on. You've got a lot of movie for your fucking money. You get a lot of bad movie, but you get a lot of movie. And this, there's just not much there. And then even the big, even the, like, the big scenes of, like, the shootout in the marketplace, like, it's just so so happily organized and for a movie,

especially where like it sounds like Elaine May shot so much footage. You would think that they would have had better stuff. Yeah, so here's what I was saying earlier that I got I imagine so Isabella Johnny is playing this like Middle Eastern freedom fighter. They don't give her very much of anything to do very but imagine if Carol Cain had played that part And it would make a lot more sense if she's kind of like a daffy kind of off Middle Eastern freedom fighter one thing she's funny as much as I love Isabella Johnny

She is not a comedy performer like I don't watch possession or like Adele H, something like that for comedy. For the slap in your knees. Yeah, exactly. When I watch an Isabella Johnny movie, I want to see like alienation and despair, which is what she does really great. But like, I imagine, can you like a movie with like, it explains why she would be kind of jerk on these guys around so much and being such a weirdo if she was Carol Kane. Yeah, yeah. Like, the way that a performer brings a persona with them,

like, you wouldn't even need to explain it. The minute she revealed she was Carol Kane, you'd be like, uh-oh, these guys are in for some trouble. Like, the same way that the funniest moment in it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world is when at the airport, they're like, get the fire crew ready and they're like, we got them and it pans over and the firemen are the three stooges and like,

you're like, don't need anything more. I know exactly how this is gonna turn out. It's badly. That's a bad idea. Like it's such a fun, it's like the funniest shot and it's you just, because of the persona they bring with them, you're like, oh, oh, these guys are not gonna do a good job.

And you never, the three's who just don't even appear the rest of the movie. But it's set like, I remember seeing that in the theater and it got a lot of laughs. It's a funny movie. But when that shot moved over, it was like the audience could not contain their shit. They were just like losing it. All I do is stand there, but they stand there with the weight of years of laughter on their shoulders. So everybody, you know what, for this special 10th anniversary, fly pass, let's hear it for the three stooges, everybody.

Yeah. Larry, Mo, Curly, champ, Curly Joe, a meal who didn't get to be in any of the stooges movies. He was announced as the third student shortly before the other stooges died. But, you know, they all deserve their applause. That's sad. I mean, they were part two old to be doing those movies at that point.

I don't know, age is just a number. Yeah. 40 is the new 20 according to Cougar Town. Cougar Town? Now, that's a reference to an ad campaign from what, nine years ago? Yeah. So, I guess 49 is the new 29. Mm-hmm. You know it okay, so Dan

What's next on this special tent that aversary flop house? We've laid We've laid a ishtar to rest mm-hmm Hopefully won't rise from the gray sleep with the fish stars stars. I'm Riley Smirl. I'm Sydney McAvoy and I'm Taylor Smirl. And together we host a podcast called Still Buffering where we answer questions like, why should I not follow sleep first at a slumber party? How do I be free?

Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis? And sometimes we talk about buzz but no, we don't. Nope. Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on still buffering a sister's guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager and I was too. But, but, but, butts, butts. Whooo! -♪ Baby, change your mind, hot to make it time for you all together. For you all together.

The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon and is standing over a horde of precious golden rubies. And he says, what do you do, adventures? I'm a dragon man. I cast fire on him, it's very good. I addressed the red dragon to say, us, we're the hosts of the Adventure Zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons. Very good synergy, commit to the bit.

I-I-I-I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective. Against all odds. Everybody wear the macros, we host the Adventure Zone to podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast, we don't take as we host the Adventure Gen into podcasts where we play Dungeons and Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them and we did not take the time to learn them.

Maybe listen to us. We come out every other Thursday on the Maximum Fund Network. You can find us on iTunes or on Maximumfund.org. I think this promo is a critical hit. Hi, it's Dan here, going at Solo, unfortunately, for the ads this week because of the way we recorded this episode. But we'll try and get through this together, shall we? Before I get into the advertisements, I just want to make a very special announcement. The Flop House is doing its first live shows on the West Coast, this coming fall and winter.

We have coming up on October the 8th at the LA Regent Theater. We're doing a special show. I mean, I say a special show, all the shows are special, and there's nothing particularly special about the show. So we're just doing a live show. Take the shows are special, and there's nothing particularly special about this show. So we're just doing a live show. Take it that way. Let's take that out again. Can we go again on October 8th at the LA Region Theater?

We will be doing a show, a show. Also on December 9th at the San Francisco Marines Memorial Theater, we will also be performing. Those are two great California shows because California Boy Elliott Kalin has kidnapped us and has taken us out to the West Coast. But the flop house is sponsored in part by Zipper Cruder. With Zipper Cruder, you can post your job to 100 plus job sites with just one click. Then their powerful technology efficiently matches the right people to your job. That's why zippercruder is different. Unlike other job sites, zippercruder doesn't depend on

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Go to zippercuder.com slash first. Did you catch the times when I sort of said words wrong? If so, then you could be an Elliott-Kalen in training. I'm sorry that he wasn't here to make fun of me in real time. Next up, we've got Squarespace. The flop house is supported in part by Squarespace. Make your next move with Squarespace. Create a beautiful website with Squarespace's award-winning templates and all-in-one platform.

There's nothing to install, patch, or upgrade ever. Squarespace provides hard working award winning 24-hour customer support. Squarespace offers any unique domain experience that is fully transparent and simple to set up for a free trial and 10% off your first purchase. Visit squarespace.com slash flop. That's 10% off your first purchase, visit squarespace.com slash flop. That's 10% off your first purchase, not 10% off your first purchase. There's no percentage of the metal 10 that you will get off your first purchase. Apologize, apologies to those who really hate the metal 10. Apologies to those who really hate the metal tin. We do have one jumbo drum message.

It's for Susan Natsarandon from Patrick Nott Duffy. The message is Happy Birthday. Sorry, your favorite peach, parentheses Elliot has left. But I bet he would sing you a song who were still around. Maybe Stu would hum something. I'm sorry that Elliot is not here to sing. And Stu is not here to hum. Can I do some toovin throat singing for you?

I was probably racially insensitive or culturally insensitive. I'm sorry. Look, I'm just doing this off the top of my head. I apologize to anyone who might have actually studied two-manthroat singing or be part of that culture. I am just a jackass who does things on the internet. We're bringing the internet. We're bringing the show. So now here this podcast festival

in New York City this September, the lineup includes great shows like, how does it get made? How many bang bang? Criminal and planet money. Plus more of your favorites from Gimlet, crooked media, public radio and radio topia. And it's how did this get made?

Not how does this get made. That's a different show. That's sort of how sort of stuff you should know kind of show that I just made up in my mind. I probably was not a Freudian slip. We're not rivals. I was not trying to throw how did this made under the podcasting bus.

Anyway, this is a great value. One ticket gets you all access to 25 live shows throughout the weekend. 25 live shows from one ticket. And the first 100 people to use our offer code flop at checkout save 20 bucks. Now here this is September 8th through 10th in New York City comes to you great podcast, meet the hosts and make some new friends. Go to nowherethisfest.com to get your tickets. That's now here thisfest.com and Interoffer Code flop at checkout to save 20 bucks. So yeah, our podcast is doing that show. Elite will not be there. Elite will not be at the now here, this podcast festival. But we will hopefully have correspondent from the Daily Show, Ronnie Cheng stepping in for him.

I say hopefully because at this moment, we're trying to get our time pushed back at the festival because Ronnie is gonna be coming in, flying in from a stand-up gig in another state, and it will be tight. The time will be tight, so we are trying to get everything squared away, but hopefully that will all work out. And if not, we have a very great backup guest worked out. So those are all the messages for this week, other than I want to remind people again that the flop house is coming to the West Coast on October 8th, LA Region Theater,

and on December the 9th, the San Francisco Marines Memorial Theater. There's also a Toronto show in there that has been sold out, so don't snore on these West Coast tickets. And now, back to the show. Other than that, ten years of the Flop House, that's crazy. We have some listener messages.

They want to tell us, hey, it's me not Dan. I mean, I'm Dan. I mean, no, I'm not Dan. And I think Dan's the best. Thanks Dan, for 10 years of being the coolest dude and super sexy. Bye. Well, okay, that was.

Well, cool and super sexy. Normally those things are mutually exclusive. Ha ha ha. And yet Dan pulls it off according to not Dan. So what's a weird name? I guess it's like Norse or something. Yeah. Anyway, this is, what's up next is letters from listeners.

Listeners like you? Yeah. Yeah, come on. Get on the fucking trolley. Guys, listeners like you. What other kind of listeners would there be? You're the only ones out there. You're listening to us.

And you sent us a letter. God damn it listening to us. And you sent us a letter. God damn it. Wait, forget that you sent mean. Dan's just feeling a little green. That's Envious Plus, he's been drinking again, and that's when the mean part of Dan comes out to sought to shine. But you think you're great, and your letters are first right, keep sending them in, keep listening in. Don't listen to Dan when he says those mean things. It's just a monster inside of Dan that makes him say those things. It's named Penny was and it's appearing in the upcoming film it. It is a movie about a clown who starts killing kids in a great small town that clowns name is Penny was and he lives in Dan. What a crazy man.

That's a better song than any of the songs in a star. Sadly, yeah. So, first letter of the evening is from Dave last name withheld. Hmm, Dave Matthews of the eponymous band. Mmm, Dave Matthews of the eponymous band. Who writes, back in 1995, my girlfriend, now wife, said regarding our next date, quote, it's my turn to treat, you pick the movie.

Being a 20-year-old in 1995, I was just like the hugest Tarantino fan ever, so I picked Destiny Turns on the radio. That's right, I saw this movie in the theater and someone else paid for it. How I was not immediately single following said date still remains a mystery. So I asked you, dear floppers,

have you ever suggested something based on past enjoyment of someone's work that was so bad you had to apologize repeatedly for subjecting others to it? Thanks, Dave, last name withheld. I don't know if this is exactly the same situation, but my wife has still never seen the original series of Mr. Show. And when the Bob and David sketch

showing Netflix started up, I watched the first episode or two of it and I was like, this is hilarious. And Danny, I was like, my wife was like, hey, I've heard of that show. I'll give it a try with you. I was like, okay, sure, I don't know what wife was like, hey, I've heard of that show. I'll give it a try with you. I was like, okay, sure, I don't know what's going to be a thing. I'll give it a try.

And we watched the episode that opens with a long bit equating terrorists with Hollywood executives. And it has like a bunch of like Middle Eastern terrorists sitting in like Spagos talking about terror and box office and things like that. And it is the least funny thing Bob Odenkukki of Dave Cross have ever done. And I was sitting there with her and I was like, uh, trust me, this is not what the show is usually like.

And luckily, right after that, there are a bunch of hilarious sketches in it. There's a great sketch where people are trying to write a musical about a house. And there's a scene where someone's trying to return clothes that have stains on them from the dry cleaners, both hilarious. But for the, like a few minutes, I was with sitting next to her being like, is this so that her first taste of this show that's like a seminal show to me?

This reunion show is like gonna be literally the worst sketch I think they've ever done and just so unfunny and I felt really bad. I didn't apologize, but I was like, let's keep watching, I'm sure it'll get better. And it did. I couldn't think of anything that was based on like previous experience. Like I couldn't think of something that was based on like, I like this person in the past, so I'm gonna inflict this horrible thing on a new part.

Like, well, the only thing I think of was when I was dating Sarah in college, I was like, hey, you know what looks good? Just based on the trailers, just based, final fantasy, the spirits within. That's a crazy thing to do. Because at the time, it was just visually stunning. At the time, like, there wasn't something that amazing in terms of... And the voice got into Donald Sutherland?

How do you say no? Yeah, and you're like, you just got done playing Final Fantasy VII and unlock it all the fucking summons and... Yeah, I'm chocobos up against Sutherland. And we watched it, and it is the most bullshit, weird anime style plotting that you could imagine. And for years afterwards, I would apologize for taking her to see Final Fantasy the Spirits within.

And she would always be like, no, it wasn't so bad. I'm just like, but it hurt me. Like, I'm like, no, it wasn't so bad. I'm just like, but it hurt me. Like I'm like, no, it was that bad. I should be punished for this decision. Yeah, anytime you give her any kind of a gift and you see, look at her eyes, you would think, is she thinking about thought of it? I see the experience of it.

It reminds me of when Superman Returns came out and my wife and I just started dating. And I was like, I'm gonna say the Superman movie. It was a really gross hot day in New York. She was like, I'll go see it with you. It'll be air conditioning. And I was like, all right, I can kind of guarantee you're not gonna enjoy this movie.

Like, I'm not even sure I'm gonna like it. She's like, no, no, it's fine. I'll go. And she hated it. And for years after it should be like, well, I did go see Superman Returns with you. And I was like, whoa, I gave you fair warning. I told you ahead of time, you shouldn't see this.

It's not gonna be something you like. Yeah, I can't really think of a good example of this. I mean, there's been a lot of times where I've just completely misjudged my wife's interest in things or my parents' interest in things. But... You talked to me about when you and your wife went to see green room. Yeah, when, uh, so I took her to see green room and I had, like I had obviously seen murder party and, uh, and blue ruin.

And those are both, let's say, difficult movies, but not necessarily, I mean, I guess they're pretty violent, but- And that like gruesome. No, not, they're not a green room. So we, I took her to see this early screening because the director was gonna be there and so we're sitting there watching it. And she made it about 15 minutes into the movie

before she had to put her hands over her eyes for the remainder of the movie and the only thing I can say is that in the cab going home she at least admitted it was a good movie she just didn't like it. That's fair. It's nice lovers from Caleb Lastname withheld. Caleb Carr, author of the alianist. Oh wow, he's a good listener. In a previous episode, Elliott mentioned that he is a distinctive rivalry

with Justin McAroy. What happened to your bitter antagonism towards his John Hodgman? Stuart, since I can't be your best friend, you already have at least two of them. Can I be your nemesis instead? Sure. Dan, why haven't you switched all your social media profile picks to show photos with you

with your beard? It makes you look like a sexy English professor. Well, the beard is gone right now. It's a seasonal beard, but thank you for the compliment. If you were wearing a beard in this weather, you'd be dead. Yeah. Let me hold on. Let me ask Dr. Amazon, if Dan decides to just tell Dan if Dan decides to go

be in this weather, what'll happen to him? Dr. Amazon, you'll be dead. Because that's the line he says in Star Wars. You know, that was a bit of a walk around the block. I like what happens. I guess the main question though is what happened to your feud with Judge John Hodgman. It's still kind of there. Yeah.

I mean, we have, but it's, you know, it's all K-Fave, dude. You know, like, I don't want to talk about it at school, but it was a lot of it's just performance, you know. Oh, yeah. I want to break K-Fave, though. Yeah, me and John Judge John Hodgman, ooh, we don't like each other. Me and Justin McRoy, oh boy, what a bad dude.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And Oh boy, what a bad dude. Yeah, and somebody can be my bad dude somebody can kid one of the bad dudes from bad dude So I hope that answers your question. I guess the next question is from Aaron last name with held rock of earth Aaron or Aaron? Aaron. That's not sure. Okay, just ask the question. Aaron.

Does that help? Spell it. Aaron. Spell it. ER, I am. Okay, thank you. Aaron, okay. Okay, Aaron Gibra.

No, that sounds more like Aaron. No, Aaron or Aaron. Yeah, I said Aaron. Yeah, that sounds like Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Not Aaron. Well,. Yeah, that sounds like Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Not Aaron. Well, that's how you're saying it.

No. Wait. So if you met a dude named Aaron, that's how you're saying it. So they'd be like, hey. You like to stand, you pull up. I'm over pronoun shading. Hey, Dan, you want to meet Aaron Eckhart from the second Batman movie?

It's great to meet you, Aaron. There's Aaron and there's Aaron and I was saying the latter. Okay, well now we know, knowing how to battle. G.I. Joe. I recently spent an entire day creating a Y.A. dystopia random generator. Y.A. dystopia. generator. YA dystopia. Hello. Thanks, Crash.

And when you mentioned terrible YA movies when discussing max magician, it may be wonder, if your life was a YA dystopia or typical YA movie, what would it be? Who would you be on the run from? And what's the arbitrary thing that the evil government shadowed corporation slash corporate overlords slash aliens band that would get you to start the revolution? But fear movies from before 1950, the horror. Love you all's podcasts. And though I live nowhere near New York City, I hope to some day visit the hinterlands bar and meet you all. Yeah, sincerely Aaron last name withheld. I think Aaron partially answered the question, right? Yeah, already did. I'll let it say jokes in the future. Jokes are illegal,

and it's up to the comedy squad to save America from itself. It's pretty good. In a world in where laughing can get you killed. The most dangerous joke of all. Yes. This one. This one. So a man walks into a bar. Okay. Ouch.

Oh, no. That's the joke. Oh, I'm going to be arrested for comedy crime. Yep. No, there's only a pre-cog that could have saved me from that joke Dan what do you think would in your dystopia? No, I think what's illegal butts? I think she got it with butts. I think the surgeon general has eliminated butts Okay, they just remove them at birth. Yeah, at birth. There's no butts and then there's there There's normies who have no butts. Okay, and then there's no butts and then there's there uh there's normies who have no butts okay and then there's

the sound normie me to me oh no and this in this too up topsy terry world the armies have no butts and then there's the butt criminals yeah in the future those with blood opening scroll it's on the back of a mob book. It sounds like it would be. Those with butts are derisively referred to as dares. Short for dairy ears. Or whole havers. So is it the whole, like the anus is gone, where do you poop out of? Or it's just the fleshy part, just the gluteus.

Yeah, you push it back up out of your mouth like it. Everyone has a cloaca. Oh, okay. And does double duty. Yeah, you push it back up out of your mouth like everyone has a cloaca. Oh Okay, does does double duty. Yeah, that's the name of the movie double duty What if double dragon was called double duty Probably be a less successful video game franchise instead of more successful movie franchise. I think you're right And screw over they banned for you. Yeah, I mean, I think beers are good answer. They've got to talk gaming.

I feel like comic books is another good one. Oh, yeah. Like, that's another silly one where it's like, wait, really? That's what they're banning and people are freaking out. Well, I love how many rock and roll concept things that are where rock and roll has been banned. And it's like, yeah, cause that's the only thing between us and total totalitarian domination is rock and roll.

Thanks, Stix. Yes, Stix, you're the one thing keeping us from falling over the precipice. The precipice. Oh, can't even say the word. Dan, can you say that word for me? precipice. Thank you. Proceed. Oh, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, I've reached the end of my lifetime. No, but the totalitarian government. They should just give it time and like, rock will kill itself, right?

Yeah, I don't get all bloated. No, you're replaced with other stuff. Yeah, hip hop. Whatever. Is that what a kid's even listening to nowadays? I don't know. Oh, Rolex. They still listen to Rolex.

They still listen to Rolex. I think YouTube celebs talking about their makeup. Sure. Unboxing things. Yeah. On the unboxings. Mm-hmm. How windy?

Unboxing day. They do all their unboxing videos. Oh, boy. How long do you think until there's an unboxing video based horror movie? What do you think would happen in that horror movie? The open up of box and something scary is inside. Oh, so it's like the crate from Creep and something scary is inside. Sounds like the Crate from Crate Show. Or the Crate from the movie The Crate.

Or the Cape from the show The Cape. We have to get on that, guys. It's unboxing horror movie. Yeah, somebody else is going to do it before us. We should do it. Okay, let's let's just hide love it. Unboxing or unboxed? Unboxed.

Unboxed. And then it's in the tagline is just don't open it. Okay, we're already halfway there. Now we just need to write a script and cast that and then shoot it. That's the easy part. Dan, any other letters? I just won quick last letter from Skyler last name we've held. You got none of that, huh? Skyler. Whole facts from breaking bad Skyler.

From Skyler. Why? Hi, flappers. Skylar, pull facts from Breaking Bad Skylar from Breaking. Skylar. Why am I? High floppers. I was recently listening to your episode on saving Christmas in which you mentioned to gogert I googled it to see if it was still around and found out that yes, it is still being made and more importantly that in the UK it is called Frubs What just thought you'd like to know that. What is that a pork? Skyletel has to be with the pork. Look at that possibly be a pork man. Fruits.

Fruits. Fruits. Fruits. Dudes. Is it Fruida or Fruibub? Fruits. Fruits. Like a tube.

Like a tube. So, Fruits and Fruits. Fruits and Fruits. Fruits and Fruits. I guess that is what it is. Finally, Fruits and Fruits, but it's just a banana. Fruits, Fru that is what it is. Finally, fruit in the tube, which is just a banana. Fruit, boobs and tubes. That's the sequel to Diner's Drive-In and Dive-In and Dive's.

It's like, Guy Fieri has gone insane. I'm driving a marathon. I can look up to the best fruit, boobs and boobs. I'm here at Bethlehem Pipewrx, where steel is made into pipes. Those are tubes. And then it's on to beavers, the local strength club for boobs. Then I'm going to hit up a local farmer's market. And they're mixed for that one.

Yeah. Now I'm going to go apple picking. baking. And he goes into a big factor and he's like, Hey, man, there's such cool tubes. You know how I'd make this tube? I'd wrap it in titanium like a quarter inch thick. That will make it real strong. That'll be a good tube. I'll be going to a production of Blue Man Group's hit show tubes. Oh boy. So, Froob's. Thanks for that. Okay. Good news.

Good news. Do you have the good news about Froob's? No. I have. He's been converted. So the last thing that we normally do on the show is to recommend movies. Movies that we might like to see instead of whatever the fuck we watched, ishtar. Ishtar.

Stewart seems to not have anything. I can go first to get into it. So we get, you know, I'm about halfway, I'm like 30 minutes into a movie, and I don't wanna recommend it yet because I haven't finished watching it. So I'm just gonna recommend, I'm gonna recommend a movie and I don't want to recommend it yet because I haven't finished watching it. So I'm just going to recommend, uh, I'm going to recommend a movie from 1973 titled Robin Hood animated by Disney and Don

Blue. The sexiest foxes around. It's fucking great. Until Zootopia. Uh, until Zootopia, it had the sexiest foxes around. Well, until Star Fox 64. Uh, I think the jury's not out on that one. He rides a fighter jet spaceship. I mean, it depends on what you're into, man. I'm into the fantasy stuff. Okay. The character designs great. It's just an awesome movie. You should go watch it. It's probably my favorite of the the older Disney anime, canon. Really? Yeah. I'm out like it. I certainly loved her as a kid. I had a obsession with Robin Hood as a child, but-

And that's why you're a furry now. Mm-hmm. No, mom. No, come on, it's normal now. Yeah, so Dan lives his life, although I wouldn't do it now because it's fucking a hot as hell right now. Yeah, you would, Dr. Amazon, if Dan puts on his sex-free costume in this heat, how will he be?

You'll be dead. Oh, wow. Well, why do we invite that guy over? Oh, because he's from the Pond of Babem. Pond of Babem is cool. Yeah. Rrr. That's roughly what Pond of Babem sounds like.

Oh, you're a little amy. So I haven't seen a lot recently, but I did see a little movie called John Wick 2, two shades of blue. Um, and it's, uh, the fun action film, you know, it's exactly what you expect out of a John Wick 2, except for I will say this, I was talking to Elliot about it, like the beauty of John Wick kind of is in its simplicity. Like this guy gets his dog killed and it's a classic, you fucked with the wrong guy scenario. Like, oh, okay, the fun of this is seeing all of these punks get outclassed by the biggest fucking badass in the world.

And you literally just fucked with the wrong guy. And John Wick, too, takes it into a turn of this more broke kind of universe where everyone is an assassin and flushes out this assassins, this assassins creed, if you will. Oh. Oh. Oh.

The way that all these, these hired killers interact and their code of conduct and we're like gold coin. Yeah, exactly. And so you're moving from what's basically, our tele, like, that's where I'm moving from. That's too bad and upscale sort of taken scenario to like this really like we're like fantasy universe where everyone's

that super everyone's like super good at killing uh but it's still really fun it's a fun action film and if you like well choreographed action scenes you'll get your uh you'll get your film if you like poorly or a choreographed action scenes? Ishtar. Yeah. I'm going to recommend a movie that had a lot of promise and doesn't quite live up to it, but it's still a really fun movie. And that's a movie called Winter Kills, which is directed by William Rickert.

And it's got an amazing cast. Stars Jeff Bridges in the main role. There's also John Houston and the Perkins as in it. Eli Wallix in it. Tashira Maffuni is in it. Struggling Perkins is in it, Eli Wallix in it, to Shira Maffuni is in it, Stirling Hayden is in it, Elizabeth Taylor appears in it, it's got this amazing cast and it's kind of like a 70s version of the Manchurian candidate,

but not quite, it's a couple of tears down from Manchurian candidate in terms of what it has to say and kind of how well it says it. It's this kind of, it's not whether, and it's kind of not sure if it's a thriller or a comedy, but in a way that really worked for me, where Jeff Bridges is the brother of a Kennedy type president who was assassinated years ago, and they have this super rich dad, John Houston, and Jeff Bridges essentially learns that it may have been a conspiracy that killed his brother and that the real killers are out there and decides to go on the trail.

It's the kind of movie that's like a little tongue in cheek but then suddenly a bunch of characters will just get killed out of nowhere. And I enjoyed a lot. It's far from a perfect movie. It's got a lot of flaws in the ending really doesn't work, but it's a fun watch. Winter kills. laws in the ending really doesn't work, but it's a fun watch. Winter kills. All right. Three recommendations. Yeah. From the three original bad boys. Not Lawrence, Will Smith and Charles Manson. What a different movie.

So it's been 10 years, guys. 10 years. 10 amazing years, you know so much has happened in the 10 years since this podcast began smartphones became common and Common became one of America's favorite hip-hop stars and fidget spinners spun their way into our hearts Meanwhile Netflix keeps flicks in a long, nothing but net. And there's been so many Spider-Man's. Oh, so many Spider-Man's.

Danes had to, we, Dan, you used to have to order the fucking movies from Netflix. That's true. And we would have to get, we would have to get them in the mail. Yeah. It was dumb. I wonder, I wonder what it would be like. I wonder what it's going to be like when we keep doing this podcast in the future. The future?

The future. Future. music Hello and welcome to the podcast. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm future Stewart Wellington. I'm a brain in a jar that was once known as Elliot Kalen functionally immortal now that I'm a brain in a jar. And my consciousness was also double uploaded to Skynet. So I'll live forever in the mind of a T1000 liquid metalbot. Thanks for letting all of our current day listeners understand some of the technologies that they deal with on an everyday basis. Yeah, I don't know why I explained all that because it's pretty well known and fully 70% of the human population

is now brains and jars uploaded to Skynet. But that But what do we do on this hollow cast brain box, Dan? We watch our own hollow casts, which are, of course, in this case, movies that are being directly into our brains. It's less as information that the audience probably doesn't need to know, but let's continue to explain it as this is how they ingest mass media these days, which is right now. We watch a bad version of that and then we talk about it. Yeah. So they will take their cred stick and stick it into their video player, which then beams

things directly into their brain. And every video player usually looks like some kind of weird semi organic blob that they have strapped to their wrist. They have to plug it into the port at the base of their neck. And of course, with every vidplay comes a little bit of a deterioration of the pineal gland. Yeah, and a little bit of like a fluid sea beach that comes out from their neck port. But because movies or hollavid synospirances, as they're known

now, as everyone knows, because they live now, they, since they're now now at the same time, they come double packed with legal heroin. It's addictive and people need them. And so. That's where we're clarifying the people in modern day that heroin is addictive. It's just become such a part of modern life that people forget that there was a time. It's a time that it was. That it was. When we were kids, it was still still illegal but of course now babies are given it by the government

because uh... the trump because the trump omnicron demands a certain level of sedation in the population uh... now the holovid uh... synospirions that we watched this time was of course the tenth in the reboot of the fast and the Furious series, Fast 10, Your Seat Veltz. It's impressive that they chose the same pun both times they made a 10th film in the franchise. Now I find it weird that they would, even though they're rebooting it, that would still use the Vin Diesel's head and a jar.

No offense to you, Elliot, as a head and a jar, but a brain and a jar. So, rightly, for the least, as a head and a jar, but a brain and a jar. Rightly. For the least, not a full head. Is this a future Rama, or is it's known now pastorama? I just think it would be strange to use a brain. And don't let's not confuse that with pasta rama, the chain of pasta restaurants, which is now the most popular dining place for all humans on the earth. It's where I take my Italian brain and a jar.

Yeah, because pasta, again, as we, everyone knows, is now also double packed with heroin and people just crave it. And by the way, just to confirm that heroin is also addictive. But even though it's good that they went with a nostalgia choice with Vin Diesel, I feel like a brain in a jar being lemmless is not really the best driver of cars. I mean, it doesn't really matter since cars are as everyone knows now driverless and totally autonomous and the cars have taken over large swaths of the country. It doesn't make it strange that these are the best car drivers in the world when cars

can drive themselves. Yeah, it hurts the premise a little bit, but that's these crazy modern times we live in. But is that brain in a jar any worse than what they did with the rock? Of course, we all remember in the third movie and in real life, his brain was placed into literally a granite reproduction of his original body from when he was young. After he atrophied from brood sickness, you know, after the satellite crashed into his home. Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? Is that any better? I mean, it looks a little bit like a body. Meanwhile, you've got all these great

characters in it like Harry Connick Jr. Jr. and of course, there's also Johnny Diff Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. Jr. And of course, Edward James all the way no longer almost. They're all, it's when I love that. Yeah, I'm like his great-grandfather Edward James almost. And what's great is that they're continuing the tradition of it being a multiracial, very ethnically various movie. You got, of course, a white person, a black person, an Asian person, a Latina, a Martian, a Venushian.

One of those sentient octopuses from those thermal vents that they discovered a few years ago. There's a robot. There's a black robot there's an asian robot there's a latina robot there's that one indian robot and there's that american indian robot and then of course there's the space jelly fish that they found in that bad guy, the new version of Hector Alizondo, Hector Alizon Drou, the Commodore Dragon version of Hector Alizondo. Yeah. And you really were ahead of the curve. I was ahead of the curve. I predicted that years ago. And I don't know how many times I apologize to you now, but I apologize that I ever made

fun of you were just ahead of your time. Much like, say, Ishtar was ahead of its time in some ways and yet widely reviled. Now, of course, Ishtar has been recognized as a great masterwork and is the subject of several religions. Yeah, do we ever review Ishtar on the show? So hard to remember that was so long ago. It seemed so silly, right? It would be weird because it's like, we would probably have not much to say in what we would say would sound like gibberish. Yeah, especially since nobody speaks the language we spoke back then, English. Now it's all interlack.

Which of course you can understand because you have that. Yeah, you're a modern person living in the modern times. You're living in the moderns living in the... Dealing with modern problems. Living in the enormous, Dyson sphere that Earth has become. Just going out and spending your space bucks on whatever space things you want.

Yeah, it's weird that there's a competing currencies, credits and space bucks. Yes. And the conversion rate is very different, but it's better in the end than when the whole country briefly went on digital currencies. Oh, we all remember that, that was terrible. Yeah, yeah, where we would have to trade Digimon's for things.

It was like 10 Digimon's equals one poker book. It's crazy, right? That was, can you imagine that? And we had to carry around wallets of Digimon's and it was just like big sacks. You're making a headache, right? Not forget about it, but that was at least, on all those ads advertising for Tomagotchi for gold. Remember those? Yeah, yeah, that they take time. And I mean, they would just dissect the Tomagotchi's and take

those little livers out. That's right. Put them into monkeys to make cyber monkeys. There are all those Tomagotchi's who would wake up in Mexico in bads of ice. Bads of ice. Yep. And they would go to the, go to the bathroom and they look in the mirror and they would say, welcome to the wide world of Tomagachi. Wow. So many urban legends were put into that one. So many urban legends. Well, Dan, I guess I've ever heard about suburb in my jeans huh? Like even future And my future Dan you mean of course the present day Up well guys, we've had a lot of fun talking about fast 10 year seat belts the 10th fast and the furious reboot But looking at my watch. I see it's about time for the scheduled nuclear war to take place. Oh, and I think I can hear the whistling of the warheads.

So we should probably sign off for this episode of the the flop house, uh, present. All right. And for, yeah, I was going to say future, but of course, that would be crazy for the podcast. I've been space Dan McCoy. I'm still that future sewer, Willington and I am the brain in a jar that was once the elite Kaelin with his consciousness uploaded to Skynet. Can I have everyone? You sure writing spills a lot look at that spilling water on his paper. Yeah, check out this guy. Yeah, together this guy Miss missus bills my drinking problem is that I

Want able to drink things All right Me cross me spills Nash and yeah, yeah I'm of course Steven spills All right, that's a good blue fodder there Dan that's An extra extra Uh, alright. That's a good bloop fodder there, Dan. That's an extra expressive cross-me. Ha ha ha. Feeling like you're right now with all this heat.

So hot out. Dan, start the episode of Melton. Okay. Um, this episode we discuss, I'll try that again. Yeah, say it properly, maybe. That was great. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture.

Artistone. That was great.