The Flop House - Ep.# 249 - The Great Wall LIVE

Episode Date: January 20, 2018

We dig into our vaults to bring you this live The Great Wall episode, from the Philly Podcast Festival! Wikipedia synopsis for The Great Wall

On this episode of The Flap House, we discuss the Great Wall. At the Philly Pod Fest in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, America. Woo! Hey everyone and welcome to the Fluff House I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kaelin. Woo! Uh, this is it. Damn.

Why does it sound so like there's so many more people here in your apartment? How many times are you going to make that joke? Till it works. Well, we're recording as part of the Philly podcast festival. Thank you for having us, Philadelphia. Yeah! Yeah. Your town is as warm as your cheese steaks. It's a weird way to play. Why don't we back that one up and give it another shot?

Dude, dude, dude. Thanks. Oh, yeah. Thanks for coming out on a Sunday night with Yeah, what game of thrones and stuff. Game of thrones is on. It's the season premiere of Game of Thrones. That's right, everybody's favorite show about the toilet. Little game I like to play called, am I going to make it on time?

You know folks, it's funny. Who hears from out of town, huh? I'm going to do my tight five on toilets. So what do we do on this podcast, Dan? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. That sounds like fun, let's do that. Okay, well we're gonna watch it right now. Start up the DVD player.

Okay. And we should start up a DVD player and talk about a different movie than the one we talked about tonight. I know I put a call out on the social media plants asking for... Was those all of her plants? Yeah, asking for recommendations for a movie we should watch, and I delivered them all to Dan. Yeah.

And he just put them in the garbage in front of me. And I said, but Manakin and Dan says, I love Manakin. So in writers' right, we probably should have watched. Manakin and Dan says, I love Manakin. To... In writers' writers, we probably should have watched Manakin. We should have watched Manakin. Sorry, Philadelphia. I know you, you manheads are all waiting to get here.

It calls those manheads, keynotes. I would be so afraid of making fun of such a beloved Philadelphia movie. I would feel like all the locals would. And all the movies set in Philadelphia. I'd have to say mannequin is probably 27th most beloved. There's a thing. Wait, are we gonna make fun of the movie we watched tonight?

Cause I don't think I'm going to. Oh, that's a spoiler. Yeah, spoiler alert. Okay, so what did we watch tonight? We watched a movie called The Great Wall starring Matt Damon. That's right. Son of the Mailer Damon. Mm-hmm.

Matt is a little animal that follows children around until it's stolen from them for the valuable dust inside. What? That's a Golden Compass reference stand. Oh, OK. Read a book sometime, and that book better be the Golden Compass. Because if you read a different book, it won't be that helpful. And that book better be a didactic implication of Christianity. It's a touching story about the maturity of children, Dan.

Dan? And it's a Ripsnorton adventure. There's bears that wear armor in it, right? The what? Aren't there bears that wear armor in it? Yeah. Just like in real life. Yeah.

Dan, I want to look at you live. Anyway, they're called Pangerburn. Anyway, continue. The Great Wall. Now, the Great Wall is a movie that holds an interesting place in cinema history that I think people are going to look back on. As it was very much an attempt for a Chinese film to make it in the world market. Where the world market is right now, you need a big American actor to do it.

And it doesn't come more of Band-Gain American than Matt Damon. Let me tell you, they went goodwill hunting for a star Who could help them to Born ultimate of this movie But unfortunately what they found was just a bunch of malrats Was he in that was that benefit? No, he was not in that one. Okay. Well, was he in bounce? He was in dogma. Okay, there you go. What they found was a bunch of dogma. Well, that doesn't make sense. More rats sounds better. It makes more sense than mall rats. Would you want to find a much a mall rat to screwing around in your

movie? No. I know. Point taken, I guess. Thank you. The Great Wall is a true story, I believe, about how China's Great Wall was constructed to stop monsters. But we'll get into it. Well, the movie opens with the text crawl, where they say, there's all these legends about it being made. This is one of them. And then we zoom into, we're in outer space, and we zoom into the earth, and we see the Great Wall of China

from space, which is of course a fallacy. You cannot see it from space. I'm just going to put my foot down right now. People have been saying that, but when they zoom into it, it's a super CGI wall. They didn't even bother to shoot the real great wall. I don't think they were allowed to. Why wouldn't everybody, tourists are taking pictures of it all the time. Just fly a helicopter around there, just get a bunch of shots.

They get like monster blood all over it. Yeah, they don't tell them to shoot the action scenes. Well, and they insisted that Willem Dafoe was in the movie and they're like, we can't allow him on our property. That's true. I forgot. He's not allowed in China for various reasons. So I guess he's just a castaway, much like his ancestor. It's a mistake. Yeah. His ancestor.

Johnny DeFoe. What a weird place to go with that joke. How many other people are their name DeFoe? Is there Johnny DeFoe? No, it's a made up thing. All right, no, I got your joke. It was a failed joke, Dan. All right.

Daniel DeFoe. You want me to commit sepaku? Because that's a Japanese thing, not a Chinese thing. You're a racist. All right. Okay. Audience is back on my side. Okay.

I did it. Yeah. Beat up one Dan and you'll get back on the audience back on your side. Yeah. Anyway, let's start the movie, shall we? Because the movie is starting and it's a thrill ride that we're just going to have to hold on to until we let go and get bored. Now there's

horsemen in the desert fighting. Bearded Matt Damon, who is actually supposed to be Irish? I don't know if I was kind of like that. My relationship with Matt Damon is a complicated one. But I'll never forget turning on my DVD player and hearing him sing the song of the summer, Scotty doesn't know. In the movie Euro trip. Yeah, yeah, people love me now. Yeah, yeah. Stuart's the favorite. Matt Damon has an accent in this that I didn't even realize this supposed to be Irish

till Dan told me he was offended by this Irish accent. What? It sounds to me like a mix between Canadian and like stereotypical Native American because he's like Matt Damon's like We're gonna we're gonna go into China and we're gonna find this black powder We'll carry enough black powder back to make our way in Europe Okay, everyone and I was like where is he supposed to be from? They don't stop talking about black powder in this movie. It's crazy. Love it.

It's like, I don't know, I guess pop rocks were a new thing at the time. Yeah, yeah. Everyone still thought that the mic likes a kid, killed himself with them? That didn't happen. He became a successful audio recording engineer. I thought he killed himself and Vietnam. Kill himself and Vietnam. Yeah, that's right.

He went over there and he's like, I can't take it. You can't take it. The things I've seen. This is the left. This is the friendliest fire killing yourself. Boo. Boo. Oh, damn.

Oh. Oh. Talk about Euro Trip. I just figured. These people didn't come to hear that. Anyway. I just figured I'd take a heel turn. So Bearded Matt Damon is with his sidekick, Perro, which is I only know that name because

I looked it up because I couldn't figure out what his name was and I just kept calling him and my notes Matt Damon's friend. And Game of Thrones crossover, he's played by Oberyn Martell from Game of Thrones. Oh, okay. Anyway, they narrowly escaped the bandits with a clever ruse in which they send some horses in a different direction and the bandits chase those. But they're westerners, it's the middle ages, they're looking for this legend of this black powder. We know it as gun powder.

They don't even know what guns are, they just call it black powder. And they want to find it so they can come back and make a mint. Now, Matt Damon also carries around a big lump of magnetic rock because he thinks he can make a compass out of it. And in this, he reminds me, he reminds me, like, one of my friends in high school, he and his dad bought an old DeSoto and they're like, we're going to fix this up someday and it just sat in their driveway for years, untouched.

And that's kind of, I've mentioned Matt Damon has been carrying this rock around for years. He's like, don't know, don't throw it away. I'm going to make it a compass. And his friend is like, Matt, you've been saying for four years you're going to make this into a compass. Like give it a buy a compass. That's one of the money and money.

Well, man, one of the many things mentioned in the Goofs section of this movie's IMDB page is one of the many like mistakes and they say like some fellow I'm sure is saying like magnets and compasses were already common in China, nobody would care, I don't know why they don't have more magnet rocks. Good point. I mean, someone really down the historical, it took down the historical accuracy of this movie

where the Great Wall was built to keep demon monsters out. Glad they did it. Anyway, they're camping out one night and I'm monster attacks them in the dark. And we don't get much of a sense of it. It's that Matt Damon manages to chop off one of its arms. And he's like, whoa, what? I'm going to take this with me. He's like, I'm taking this arm, I'll turn

into a compass someday. This will make a red back scratcher. I just got to like, I guess stiffening it up with lacquer or something and straightening it out. I'll get to it, guys. And it throws it on the wagon full of junk he's been pulling well with him for hundreds of miles. Anyway, it's not the most well-staged attack, I would say. It was kind of hard for me to understand what was going on. I think it was tired from killing his buddies. It killed a couple buddies first and just left like blood.

Yeah. So it was probably pretty beat when it ran by Matt Damon and let its arm get chopped off. It was, there's something about it where you know the moment in Star Wars. I'm just gazing into your eyes, too. I just got lost. I get lost again. Yeah, Dan was something just lost in time and space.

You know the moment in Star Wars where tragically Pond of Baybug gets his arm cut off by that terrorist Obi-Wan Kenobi. And it's like super fast, whoa, and an arm falls. And you're like, what just happened? This is kind of like that, except you're like, wait, what? Like, what just happened? Who's arm is that? Why? I don't understand.

But you're going to find out, don't worry. Because they soon reached the Great Wall, which is covered with archers and armor, and Matt Damon and his sidekick, Surrender. And the soldier runs through the ranks calling for a lady commander, commander Lynn, who's played by Jingtian from Kong's Go Island. And I learned this while doing my research for the movie, that for this movie and a couple others, she won the Golden Brume Award, which is the Chinese version of the Rezzi.

And I found it like super cool. I don't like it. They hate brooms in China. They throw brooms at you if you do a bad job on stage. And I just love the idea that the Chinese have their own version of the Razi. It makes me very happy. I messed that up. For some reason I thought you throw raspberries at people. It make a bad movie. Oh, I mean, you please throw delicious raspberries at me. If you're unhappy with the fly-pow show tonight,

I would be, I don't know. I'd eat them up. You'll know what you're asking. I don't think that's gonna work out the way you wanted to, Dan. No. I know in your mind, you're just catching raspberries in your mouth. I'm just going, mom, mom, mom. You know?

We're like, none, none, none, as none of those raspberries land in your mouth. And they get on your pants, and it looks like you're peeing blood. Or like you chopped the arm off a monster. Anyway, there's a bunch of scenes in this movie of the special Chinese Army called the Nameless Order, which guards the wall and protects it from monsters, just getting into position. This movie loves seeing soldiers and armor getting into position and just marching along in clattering color-coded armor. And the first time this happened, I was like, this is awesome. There's

blue armor soldiers, there's like green armor soldiers, red armor soldiers, it's like medieval power rangers. Except there's thousands of them. I love that this like what we like literally makes you a child again. You're like, colors. I like that and I like that all the armored characters really never take their armor off. There's even a shot where this guy is cooking in the kitchen with his armor with an apron over it. And he takes it off.

There's like, I wish there was a scene where someone is in the bath in their armor. Or I don't even know. He's putting a pair of pants on, like pajamas over his armor. Alas, no. Anyway, Matt Damon shows up with his buddy. They show them the claw and the name of the sword was like, we expected these monsters, but not so soon.

Oh no, this is nine days early. Amazon Prime lied to us about when these monsters were going to show up. And we're not ready. The rec room's not ready when these monsters are going to show up and we're not ready. The rec rooms not ready for these monsters to stay in. And Commander Lynn, the lady commander, and I only say that because there's this one cadre of lady soldiers in it in the restaurant dudes.

The lady soldiers are, of course, the best of them, and they're kind of like hoop bungee jump-based spear. Yeah, it's like you're fishing for monsters with these warriors. I don't know I don't know either these explanations make it clear with these people. There are so ladies who put heartuses on who jump off the wall with spears and they bungee into these monsters and spear the monsters. It's like if Cirque de Soleil did an all-lady moby dick and instead of a whale it was monsters. Yeah. Like that's how it get, how can it be clearer than that? And they're, and though they're fairly successful,

they're not always successful, because there's a lot of shots of monsters like ripping them in half. And then there's one shot of a guy like lazily just tossing their harnesses into a big bloody pile. Well, I prefer to think it was like they retired their harness like an NBA player's jersey in the Raptors. So we'll just keep this here to remember my clink. But anyway, no sooner has Matt Damon delivered this claw,

then Commander Lynn says, I don't trust them. Throw them in the stocks, and that's when the wardrum start beating. And they bring out these enormous like steam punk seed anti-seed engines and like Incredible it's just so elaborate when they show them preparing for battle like half the movie is just like battle prep They should have called this movie battle prep movie sequel to battle toads the movie and and this is when I felt really bad because so there's strategist, strategist Wang, who's played by Andy Lau, who I love. I didn't even recognize that it was him, I think because he was wearing a hat the whole time.

And I didn't, I couldn't see his hair, so I didn't know it was him. And he played the same role that Matt Damon played in Inferno Affairs and, you know, the one that Matt Damon was in, that was based on that. The depot, yeah, thank you. But that's weird, right? They both played the same character in the same movie. I wonder. Do you think they talked about it? I imagine when they first made each other, they looked at each other and then one went

like this and put his hand up. And the other was hand up and then they did the whole mirror routine. And then when they touched each other, they turned into a blob like at the end of time cop. Yeah. When the two Ron Silver's touched each other somewhat affectionately and turn into a blob. I've never seen the end of Time Cop to the two Ron Silver's make out with each other. No.

I mean, it depends on your definition of making out. It's making out and turning into a CGI blob and then disappearing. So I've got my idea for my Time Cop a web fiction. I guarantee you. I guarantee you that Time cop story must exist already. We're Ron Silver, meets Ron Silver, and they're like, oh, Ron Silver, you're so attractive. And we both have this scar that you got in the earlier scene.

Maybe I was too specific about my knowledge of time cop there. Both of them blue steel. Anyway, Matt Damon and his buddy, they marvel at how incredible this army is. And a lot of the movie is, these two westerners being like, China is really great. China's, look at how great these Chinese people are, which is like not a bad thing. I don't know, whatever. But it turns out, but there are times when it's like, this time when the message of the movie is a little overt about, you know, we've really got a lot,

we can learn about from these Chinese guys and like, I'm sure we can, but come on. We should work together and make more movies, et cetera, et cetera. We've got a lot to learn about killing monsters for these Chinese people. There is a little bit where I almost wish they'd had Matt Damon go like,

hey, if these guys ever get movie-making technology, I wanna see it. And I'll read subtitles. You know what? Even though I'm a westerner, I want to watch these movies. I hope they make more tentable summer mainstream action films. And his friend is like, what are you talking about? But it sounds amazing. Anyway, here's what they're defending against.

Because here's when the monsters show up. They're like the demon dogs from Ghostbusters. If? If their eyes were on their shoulders. Strange placement, but go on. It's very, it's very Wayne Barlow, in terms of its design. For anyone who's familiar with fantasy and science fiction, artist Wayne Barlow.

And there's a lot of them. There's like, it's one of the things where they're like, there's probably 50,000 of these monsters. And you're like, where are these monsters hanging out in between attacks? Because what you learn is that every 60 years these monsters. And you're like, where are these monsters hanging out in between attacks? Because what you learn is that every 60 years these monsters show up. And it's like, so these monsters just kick and back somewhere, like having like a sturgis rally for 60 years, somewhere in the Mongolian plains? Dan explain.

There's a monster convention that they go to. We're all the monsters get together and they talk about monster stuff. Like all monsters are just that kind of... No, it's all monsters. And the last while they talk about clawing, they talk about biting. Mashing, etc. And then it's like, outcome of the weapons flaming catapult moms you got your bungie attack lady spear fighters that we talked about And turns out the soldier monsters were all men their drones are controlled by a big queen monster Which basically looks like a brood? It's just at this point. They're like let's just take a brood and we'll just give it like a frill like the

Delofficors in Jurassic Park what mash them up who cares and she talked so lazily ripping off things Jurassic Park, what Mashamab who cares, and she talks so lazily ripping off things. Now, with these monsters, there's so many of them. I would expect them to be like super easy to kill, but they're kind of tough. It kind of depends on who. Unless you got a magnet rock, in which case they are immediately dacile. Because the queen communicates with them with her vibrating forehead flap. And they find out that this magnet interrupts the vibration waves that she uses to communicate with them. And again, she communicates by vibrating a flap on her head, making sound. This communication can go over thousands of miles, it seems.

Like hundreds of, it's crazy. It's basically telepathy. But anyway, a monster gets on the wall. Matt Damon kills it and saves a Chinese soldier, who I learned after looking it up. The guy, everyone in this is a big star in China. This guy who plays like a cowardly Chinese soldier who becomes a hero and learns his courage and eventually sacrifices himself sadly, to save everybody else.

According to Forbes last year, he was the 37th highest earning celebrity in China, which is pretty big. That's pretty high up there. In terms of celebrities in Dan, in America Dan. Where are you? In terms of celebrities in Dan, I is pretty big. That's pretty high up there. In terms of celebrities in Dan, it's in America Dan. Where are you? And that's... Curses of celebrities in Dan, I'm number one. Highest-earning celebrities in Dan. What would you say in America, you're number like,

what? Celebrity? Yeah. Yeah, I'm like a million, two million and three. Exactly. Okay, this guy's way more famous. he's playing the role that if this was another movie DJ calls would be playing this character. Yes exactly. Thank you America's 37th most popular celebrity DJ just trying to put it into perspective Popular 37th highest earning DJ calls has had a number of insanely strong investments

37th highest earning DJ calls has had a number of them insanely strong investments. Yeah, and he's got a side DJ business that he makes a lot of money off of. Huge. All those ass cap fees. Yeah. Anyway, the Westerners, they turn out to be pretty good at demon fighting. Because of course it's Matt Damon. Matt Damon. Big demon. Maybe they know each other. And Willem DeFoe is watching from the shadows as I assume he does everything. Oh, he's playing a creep? Weird. And he's playing a creepy westerner who's been there for years. They won't let him leave, but he really wants to leave. But his first thing he tells him is, hey, Bay then shave.

You guys got a BNS, and so they lose their beard. Matt Damon is now the cutie smooth face that we know him as. Matt Damon proves he's a super cool archer with a tricky pulls off with a bowl. He's like a bird Bowman. I literally, regular Hawkeye. I literally put, he goes, I'm unbeatable with my bow. And I literally wrote in my notes, archery skills contest.

I was excited. Nope, too soon. Matt Damon does one. CGI enhanced trick. And the archery section is over. Everyone else is like, they're all eating in the mess hall. The other guy's like, that's pretty cool. Back to our grub.

Very disappointing. Anyway, and the movie's trying for like a witty kind of raiders type thing with a lot of them, but it's a little led, and I felt like, we'll get to that later. The commander in Damon, this year back stories, he was a mercenary boy. He's had to fight for his whole life for bad things.

So now he doesn't trust anybody. And she's like, this whole nameless order is based on trust. We got to trust each other. And if we don't trust each other, who we gonna trust? Dan. Ghostbusters? What's that?

As long as, where would I go with those trusters? Yeah. No, the, the, the, the, Oh,, I guess would be just people who tell their secrets to ghosts. The subter- Now, don't tell anybody, gozer, that I'm still a virgin. And gozer, the gozerian is like your secret is safe with me. Let me just lock it behind this door. Slimer, I've got a crush on Brian. Don't tell him, though, OK? My mouse can be two full hot dogs to tell anybody anything.

I'm Slimer. Dan? No, I'm just going to say that I can't follow that. But I was going to say that the subtext of the movie is spelled out that, obviously. Like, it is like, hey, you got to trust someone. No, I can't trust anyone. But you got to trust someone.

No, I can't trust anybody. I'm going to go over here and not trust people. All right, well, you'll just be over there. Not trusting someone. anyone, but you got a trustable, I can't trust anybody. I'm gonna go over here and not trust people. All right, well, you'll just be over there not trusting someone, yes, thank you. I trust people, though. There was, let's talk about trusting people in the movie The Trust. Yeah.

Anyway, Willem Dafoe says, like, let's escape. I know where the black powder is. When the monster's attacked, we'll just skid out of that of here, we'll just blow a hole in the wall and get out of here. The tactician Wang is like, your magnet rock and help. Stratigis Wang. Stratigis Wang.

And he says, a meteor fell from the earth. Now it's a meteorite. I know, sorry, Neil deGrasse Tyson. I know the difference between meteor and meteorite. And these monstros came out in every 60 years. Monstros are attacking us. Time for another fight. It's another battle.

Some monsters get on the wall. There's a big phalanx. Time for another fight, it's another battle. Some monsters get on the wall, there's a big fan length. Is that the one where they shoot the monsters with whistle arrows so he knows where they're coming from? That's a little later, but we just, but to get there we just have to skip past a funeral for a character that frankly, I couldn't remember who he was. Oh right. And there's, there's a lot of drums and voices and like flaming hot air balloons that go

up in the air. And the music is kind of like a Chinese Peter Gabriel, in a way. Anyway, the Matt Damon is like, I want to capture one of these demon animals so that we can test that magnet rock on it. And his friend is like, let's just go. Why are we helping them? And he's like, yeah, I'm going to help. He doesn't trust anybody, but I think he's got a thing for that commander, Lynn. That's possible or maybe he just wants even more black powder. We'll see. That's possible. I know maybe it's a long con.

I don't know. There's a big fight. The wall reveals that it has huge sister blades for cutting monsters in half when they're climbing up the wall. Which was pretty amazing even though it must be the most unwieldy weapons he used. And they're fighting and Matt starts command. And Matt starts commanding them. You can even just call him Matt. Not anyone I know named Matt. He starts commanding them. And it's like, Matt Damon, didn't you just meet one of these monsters first time?

Like two days ago. But suddenly he's like, isolated from the others. We'll get that one. Long story short, they capture one. And they test the magnet rock on it and it works. Great. Once the magnet rock is there, those monsters just fall right over and they go, let's use this to stop them. And some guy who I don't even remember seeing before that moment in the movie goes, he's an envoy from the emperor, he goes, I'll bring this to the emperor. His

sages will investigate it and they leave. And when that character showed up and was like, oh, he's going to be the bad guy. But he isn't. Nothing, he doesn't do anything. He's just like incompetent later, I guess. Matt Damon, his friend and Willem DeFoe leave and knock him out in the process. He's trying to stop them. He gets accused of stealing the black powder. Even though his friends are gone and he was knocked unconscious and is just lying there and doesn't have a clever scam. It doesn't have any black powder on him. It's like the evidence here is not very strong. I would I guess what I'm saying is from that day, at least there was no collusion. Anyway, he gets he gets locked up in the desert, Willem Dafoe, betrays Matt Damon friend. You're going to trust the guy who helped you betray your friend.

Come on, what are you doing, Matt Damon's friend? You're going to trust that face, right? Willem Dafoe, that baby face? That smile like a thousand shadows falling? But Willem Dafoe eventually gets his come-up as he's captured by bandits who blow him and themselves up the kingdom come. When they accidentally lit a bomb fall into their campfire. It's not even like they're performing some kind of campfire fall.

They're like, yeah, they're juggling gunpowder literally and like the gunpowder falls into the... But it's not like this needed to be resolved. Like this plot point, it was like this doesn this needed to be resolved like this this plot point. It was like this this doesn't affect the main thrust of the movie at all. It was like the screenwriter was like, all right, these characters have left the movie. What can we do with them? What if they just blow up?

But Matt Damon's friend doesn't blow up. Matt Damon's friend is not blow up. But Billy D. And those dumb bandits. And the bandits. Maybe they're trying to say something bad about bandits. But the movie bandits taught me that bandits are lovable. Yeah, the movie BMX bandits taught me that Nicole Kidman was going to be a big star someday.

That's what the movie taught you. That was the message of the movie. That was the end of the movie. There was a crawl at the end being like, by the way, Nicole Kidman, actress in the movie, is going to be a big there was a crawl at the end being like by the way Nicole Kidman actress in the movies gonna be a big star someday And I was like I shares in Nicole Kidman now. Yeah I know you think like a kid who's also a man. This is impossible But it happened Australia. I don't know Anyway, they're gonna they find out that that they're gonna send send some hot air balloons to the capital to warn the capital of the Empire.

The Chinese Empire, it's not the Star Wars Empire, come on guys. That monsters are coming their way, it turns out they secretly breached the wall. They let Matt Damon go so he can warn the world, even though up to this point, they've treated the whole thing like a secret that can never be told to anyone ever. And I never quite understood why that was, or it's like we're under attack from monsters. Our very existence is in peril. Don't tell anybody. We do not want help. They're going to think we're losers. Yeah, because he shows up, like at the beginning of the movie, he and his buddy show up and see this great wall. And it's like, I mean, it's supposed to be pretty great. Like, he would have heard about it, right? It's huge. It is big.

I just wonder, like, if they had gotten the word out, like maybe other people would come to help them and maybe they have someone who's better at hunting monsters. Look, hey guys, uh, I'm not gonna touch the monsters. So that's just a little bit more. I was just walking through the room. Elliot has a go, but, uh, I picked up on what he was saying.

What the hell? And I heard you guys with my hometown of Philadelphia P.A. is that your hometown or is it just Rocky's hometown? at this point we're one in the same I'm so far gone I don't know which of his memories of Mitchel mine anyway I was here running up and down the steps of that art museum. Sunday I'll have the courage to go inside. But until then, I'm alone and intimidated by the collection of myself to Shopswork. Now, what is it about Marcel to Shopswork in particular that intimidates you? Well, he really made us question the concept of what art is.

It's like if a urinal can be art, then why anything can be art? And he never finished his masterwork, the bride strip, bear by her bachelor's eve and aka the large glass. And it makes me worry that someday I'll leave something unfinished. It seems like you know a lot about Marcel Duchamp's work already. I've been trying to save myself up by researching him the way I would one of my opponents in the ring. Or perhaps the soldiers I'm set to kill in a fire country. Now that raises an interesting point.

How would you as a Sylvester Stallone, aka Rambot, take down these... AKA Tango. AKA what these Tango K what? Tango Tango of course. Oh, thanks. I'm Judge Stren. The gay penguin Tango star of the book tango makes three. I Guess technically tango was the kid of the gay penguins, but you know

Listen up me come on put in the goof section, you know But you were asking me a question about my monster fighting abilities. Now, the crazy thing is, in my many years as a cinematic action stop, perhaps the greatest of all time, yes. I've never really fought a monster unless there's a movie I'm forgetting at the moment.

But I don't think so. Unless you consider crime a monster and I do. But I think the way I do it is one of two ways. What perhaps to read? Yeah. Number one, punchin'. Well, it's certainly your giant veins that bulge out of your arms would suggest that punching would be the A number one solution that you have for pretty much any problem.

Name a problem. Uh, pickle jars and opening. Punch it. Yeah. How about a systemic poverty? Punch it. Hey, poverty. Stop being so systemic.. Punch it. Hey, poverty. Stop being so systemic.

I'm out. My, my jukebox isn't working. Is there anything you can do for that? That's more of a Henry Winkler thing. I would punch the jukebox, but then I would be sued by Mr. Winkler as I must refer to him as the court case continues to win this way through the appeal system.

I say you can't copyright a move on a joke box. But Mr. Henry Fanzarelli-Winkler disagrees. It's been a number of years we've been fighting that one in and out of the court systems in many countries. I'm due to appear at the Hague to testify on it. They seem like they have better things to do. So Punchham would be the first man to fight a bunch of them. Number two, do they do anything in the movie where there's a bomb and they shoot narrow at it and the bomb goes off? They do actually do something very similar to that. Alright, well I guess I don't have that's not a new idea, okay? Number three, take the

monsters and tell them, you know it's a great idea. Make a comedy with a Stelgeti. They will never survive. I barely did. And the stories I have to tell about that radiant woman is still getting. I guess if she hadn't been such a charismatic old bitty and I say bitty in the most respectful way possible. I wouldn't have made the movie. I would have been like, stop, don't shoot the movie. So the wheels turn in on that one. Play on the title. And probably number four, I'd use guns. Alright, well.

I feel like I'd have fours to do it. Did they have guns in the movie? No, they mostly... Well, black powder. Yeah. They had arrows, they had black powder, they had spears. Put them together, figure it out. Did they have any cannons?

Well, they had balls that they like dripped in juice and then let them on fire and threw them at things. Sounds pretty delicious. Yeah. I'd have that. So I guess what I'm saying is, who do you think would win in a fight? Me and Matthew Damon.

Oh, wow, that's a good, because he was the fighter, right? No, damn. No. That's not. No, that's the good because he was the fighter right? No. No. No. He wasn't the fighter. No. Wait was he invincible? No. I'm thinking Marky Mark guys. I'm so, so. All right. So I'm going to solve me. Is what you're saying? Yeah, you would ran in a fight. And I'm, and you say that it has nothing to factor in that decision that I'm right here

and can rip your head right off your shoulders, which I've done. I mean, this isn't being recorded, right? Wait, you've ripped my head off of my shoulders? Let's not be stupid, Daniel. Thank you. This is my town, and I don't appreciate you deliberately misinterpreting my words, I'm terribly misinterpreting my words. As if the context of my statement was not clear. I'm sorry, Mr. Salone.

Here in the place our country was born. That country is still oniania. All right. By now I just met me and my brother Frank. So what else you guys doing? I don't want to rush you off, Mr. Stallone, but we're nearing the end of the time a lot as we're talking about the movie. Oh, well, I guess I'll just jet back. Thank you for being here.

Well, guys, I'm back. Thank you for coming. What did I miss? Hey, Elliot. What I miss, guys. You will never guess what you missed. First off, how do you feel about Toastitos? They're great. Restaurant quality. Because you miss El Vester Stallone again. Oh, nuts. There's no other way to put it, really.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just keep missing them. Anyway, let's just cut to the end of this move by, huh? Let's cut to the end. There's a big battle in the capital. The queen shows up over there, called there, by her one drone that was brought there, because foolishly, they take the magnet rock away from him to see how far away it can be before the queen knows he's there.

They all get to the capital. And after blowing up a whole bunch of hot air balloons. They get into hot air balloons. They ride hot air balloons there. But they start to fill them up and I'm like, OK, so that's the plan. And then all of a sudden they're all on fire. And I'm like, did I miss something?

They're just not very good at hot air. It's the weird movie that's like, this is something that China contributed to the world. Trust in each other, working together as a team. That's the Chinese philosophy. We're not very good at hot air balloons. But let's rule off. It's like, let's be honest.

Here's three strengths and a failing of Chinese society. You want a group effort that's going to save the day? Come to China. Hot air balloons. Hey, we're not putting on airs. Pun intended. But they go there. They battle through the sewers, they go up into a stained glass tower, and Matt Damon shoots an arrow at the one domesticated animal.

The one just met a demon, one domesticated animal. The one dog that lives there. And his name is Farfaw. Fuck you, Farf's worth. The one demon they took and they put a bomb on him. He gets up to the queen to feed the queen because the queen eats by eating the regurgitated food that all his drones find which is kind of gross. But pretty great because she eats while these drones vomit in her mouth and all the other

drones run around her in a circle. Yeah. So I like to eat. Yeah. Anyway, they've managed to blow them up. The queen gets blown up. A bunch of monsters get blown up. And all the monsters which have been crawling up the tower,

climb up all the building, super scary. They suddenly stop and freeze, and then they just fall backwards. And it looked like nothing more to me than like a rain of rubber bath toys. Like they look so fakey rubbery when they were falling. Why is watching them like, I think they have a new resource that's better than Black Powder. It's piles of demon bodies. They're everywhere.

Like I kind of wish the movie was one third demon fighting and two thirds the sanitation department dealing All these demons everywhere. I like the idea of Stuart that like you go back to that village and like there's just like houses built out of demon bodies now It's like it's our most mind as well. Use it populous Resource the best thing we've got yeah eat them up. Yeah, we're gonna eat They're like great demon meat delicious, but those things they don't have refriger these demons. They're like, great, demon meat, delicious. But those things, they don't have refrigeration yet. They're just rotting in the sun, terrible.

Anyway, that's what real, sorry, I ripped apart the silver screen movie magic, but that's what it's really like when monsters are just falling dead in your streets. It's cool for like a week, and then it's, this is stinky, let's move it out of here. That's why after King Kong fell in the street, they cut them up and served them to the homeless. That's what I'll see you gonna do.

This is Times Square, the crossroads of the world. Broadway, you're gonna have a big stinky ape corpse lying down there. People are trying to get into sea Hamilton. I don't think so. Do you have an answer? And this girl is sticking out the joint. It's like, what are the guys and the great comment of the thing?

18th floor, the name's Pierre and Natasha and the giant ape corpse, Broadway, anyway. Yeah, hello, Dolly, with Bed Middler, playing now, Captain New York. Oh, here, so can I complain about something, Phil Delphi, you don't care about this, this is a New York thing. I was in the Broadway area, by all means. And there was a poster for Hello Dolly with Betnidler. I'm sure it's a great show. David Hyde Pierce is in it.

I've seen him on stage. Yeah. In the show Curtains, he was great. Frazier. TV's Frazier's brother. And it said in big letters, the greatest musical ever. And it was like, hold on. Beloved it, maybe. There is no one saying hello to Lee is the greatest

music I'll ever. Elliot said this for 20 minutes to anybody who walked by. He stood outside and he was like, that sign is a lie. You would think that they could not put it on a sign. You would think that the sign would reject the paint, but no. No. I'm surprised this building didn't burn itself down to rip the lies off its skin.

Hashtag fake news. But so anyway, they save the day. Matt Damon finds his friend in jail and frees him rather than take the black powder. And he's going to go take him home. But there's a hint of a romance of brewing between him and Commander DD-Lin, and it's hinted Matt Damon may come back to that

great wall soon. Maybe for the sequel, great wall too, great wall babies. But not really because this movie was, a tremendous flop. It was not a hit, it was a big hit in China. Yeah. Other countries not as much. It was the most expensive movie made in China,

or made Chinese movie, I guess. It was, I think the most expensive backspin China or made Chinese movie I guess. I think the most expensive backspinning. Although most of it was shot in New Zealand because they, as I said, couldn't film on the actual Great Wall because of the... So they could film on New Zealand's Great Wall? Yeah. They built a new Great Wall in New Zealand. I don't know where I'm going with this joke. Smog's there, I don't know whatever.

So many hobbits died building that great wall. So we should do a wrap it up in the... So you're late over time when these people are tired? Yeah, let's do a wrap it up. Let's do a final judgment. To our final judgment of this movie, whatever it is. A good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie we kind of liked. I'm gonna go first.

All right, it's your progater. A sign yourself the majority opinion chief justice. This movie was super generic except for the fact that it's directed by, and I'm gonna butcher the name. I think it's Zheng, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing, Jing Mo, Zhong and Mu, yeah. Okay. Who directed House of Flying Dagger and Hero? And so it looks beautiful.

House of Flying Murth. Yes, but Parker Posey and Youth War. Yeah. By Parker Posey and Youth War. That's right. It's like we're together on those screens. Anyway, you're safe. So expect a little bit more out of it.

No, I was going to say that what's good about it is that it's got visuals flare. Like, the movie is very basic. It's just a monster movie about people trying to, like, people about monsters. Who are people, too, guys? I think the other two guys are I think the most are if you're implying that Chinese are not people.

No, I'm. Then I must take offense at that. Why are monsters are also people that it's the real monster in this case. The intolerance in your heart. That's right. But you're right. It's a pretty basic action monster movie. Yeah, about people defending a wall.

It's weird that in a movie called The Great Wall, which is about a defending a great wall the climax of the movie does not take place at the wall. That they leave the wall in the movie. The wall is almost entirely secondary. Like, the wall doesn't seem to actually be a bull work to these monsters that it just seems to be a thing for them to climb over.

Yeah. It's just a tall fort. But what I was going to say is like it's beautiful looking and you combine like a basic, inoffensive story with a beautiful looking film and I kind of like it at that point. Like it just pushes it slightly into like yeah, all right. I wouldn't be minus you wouldn't kick that movie out of bed. Yeah So that's what I have to say about that. What do you guys think? Yeah, I think I'm with you. This is a movie that approach is a movie. I kind of like I thought the monsters were kind of weird

And they were way overpowered What's what are they called the Tao Te? I think so. Yeah the, the tao Tay. Yeah, so the tao Tay were pretty great I like that scene at the end where they're flying around in the hot air balloon I like when they're flying in the giant stained glass tower. I like it when things barfin to the mouth of another thing Just that this is a general rule not a general rule not even in just in movies in real life sometimes You look up when stewards like hey, I want to show you something on YouTube and all the recommended videos on the side are all just like Mama bird feeds baby bird Frat party gone out of control. Yeah

That one scene and stand by me and then stand by me. So yeah, movie I kind of liked. It's like almost there for me. It was a movie that I wished had a little bit more unique quality to it, because then I think I would have liked it more. But it's not bad, and it's not laughable. And yeah, even though the monster designs, I was like, I see the parts that went into that design.

They got eyes on their shoulders. That's weird. You know, you got a stab on them in the shoulder and their eye, hurts, and I was like, I see the parts that went into that design. They got eyes on their shoulders, that's weird. You know, you got to stab them in the shoulder and their eye, hurts, and they're like, ah, that's pretty cool. But I went, it was like the promise of the beginning of the movie, where it's all these color-coded soldiers in bright armor, tromping around on that wall, getting ready for monsters to attack them, and then later they use giant scissors to cut monsters in half. It's just like never fulfills that promise. So I'm like, movie comes to me after class.

It's like that scene in what was that movie called Boy Story? The one that... Toy Story? Oh, boyhood. It was like in Boyhood. Boyhood, you got that. You thought it was called Boy Story. How inaccurate is it that I...

I mean, it's a movie about a boy. I didn't think it was called about a boy. That's a different movie. They're all about boys. Let's hear it for the boys. Anyway, there's that scene in Boyhood where the photography teacher is like, look, you got to start trying.

You have talent, but you're not working hard enough, and you're not going to get work. You're going to lose it to people who are not as talented as you because you don't are not trying. And he's like, whatever. And I feel like that's the conversation I have with the great wall while I was watching it. Do you think that the director intentionally

dumped himself down because he's like, I need to appeal to Western audiences for like a blockbuster? I got to make this kind of, uh. Maybe. Well, I think when you look at the screenwriting credits, it's all Hollywood people. And I think a Hollywood script was handed to them and they're like, we want to do what a Hollywood does. Let's just get Hollywood people to write a script.

And that the Hollywood people were like, maybe not. I don't want to cast a version of anyone or motivations. But it feels like they were like, they want a big Hollywood blockbuster. Let's give it to them. Crank a crank a crank a crank a crank a crank a crank a crank a crank a. Here you go. There was somewhere that was missing that flare of inspiration. All right, well, we...

That separates the Great Walls. Okay. From the merely good walls. We should move along. The show before us went on a little long, so we should... Now we're going real long. And we're going long. The show after us is fucked.

The show after us is fucked. The show after us is fucked. Podcasts. Podcasts. Podcasts. They're audio programs that tell smart stories. In innovative ways, using editing techniques like this. Like this.

Like this. But let's face it. All that smart stuff can be exhausting. That's where Stop Podcasting Yourself comes in. It's so stupid. It's just two stupid dingoses. Being dumb idiot jerks for 90 minutes. Stop Podcasting Yourself.

The stupid show that smart people love. Find it on iTunes. Our maximumfun.org. Whoa! Whew! It's been a long time coming, but John Roderick Find it on iTunes or MaximumFun.org It's been a long time coming, but John Roderick finally has a podcast on the MaximumFun.org network. The long wait is over. Max Fun friends I teamed up with these two unlikely nerds and their dumb Star Trek podcast. And we talk about war movies, not just in a lot of Tory and the salivating way.

But we apply critical thinking principles to the multiple, multiple subtexts that are woven in every war movie. And Sylvester still owns specifically. It is not that. It is not that at all. So go grab friendly fire every Friday, a maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Hey guys, sorry to break into the live show, but it's time for everyone's favorite thing in the world. Dan McCoy, solo ad read. Oh boy, is there anything better? So today the flop house is sponsored in part by Blue Apron. Blue Apron delivers fresh pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step recipes right to your door. They can be cooked in under 45 minutes. The menu changes every week based on what's in season and is designed by Blue Aprons and

House Culinary team. For 8 weeks ending on February 26th, Blue Aprons is teaming with Whole 30 to bring you delicious recipes. Our menu will feature 2 whole 30 approved recipes each week like Seared Stakes and Warm Lemon Salciverde with Roasted Broccoli and Sweet Potato. Not Cold Lemon Salciverde, Warm Lemon Salciverde, The Warmest Lemons in the West. Please kickstart your new year with Blue Apron and Whole Thirty. And Blue Apron is treating the flopphouse listeners that you guys, I didn't need to identify you guys.

I hope you understand that. If not, you shouldn't be listening to podcasts. But they're treating you listeners to $30 off your first order. If you visit blueaprin.com slash Flophouse. So check out this week's menu and get your $30 off with free shipping at blueaprin.com slash flop house. Blue apron a better way to cook. And you know what?

Why just have one advertisement when you can have two? Our other sponsor for this program is Zipper Cruder. Zipper Cruder. Looking for your next great hire, but short on time. sponsor for this program is Zippercrooter. Zippercrooter, looking for your next great hire, but short on time. Oh boy, am I. You just need the right tools. Smarter tools.

Tools that will one day take over the world. Tools that have become sentient. Wait, that's not on the copy. I apologize. No, what's here is, it says Zippercrouder posts your job to over 100 job boards with just one click. Then they actually look for the most qualified candidates and invite them to apply. No wonder 80% of employers who post on zippercuder

get a quality candidate through the site in just one day. Zippercuder, the smartest way to hire. And right now, our listeners can post jobs on Zippercruder for free. Yeah, you can do it just for funsies at that price. Just free. Just go to zippercruder.com slash flopphouse at zippercruder.com slash flopphouse. We got a couple of jumbo tronds in the op on the screen before we get back to the Great Wall. First off, here's a podcast for you. 17-year-old Jennifer Dash leaves home to solve the world.

As the world turns to chaos, she will meet heroes, villains, and gods of old. Neil Gaiman and Lewis Carroll meet welcome to Night Vale in this 100 episode fiction podcast by Dante Stack, Merry Christmas Dante from your wife. Find Saul of the World podcast on iTunes or Dante Stack dot com. It's a nice Christmas gift from Dante's wife. I hope you check out that 100 episode Fiction Podcast solved the world. That's a lot of episodes. That's my endorsement. That's a lot of episodes. Congratulations on numerical

supremacy. And the second message is from is for rather Eddie last name with held from Lisa Emma and Charlotte. So if you're an Eddie who knows Alisa Emma and a Charlotte that might be your last name with held and they write surprise happy 51st birthday Eddie and you thought last year's jumbo tron message in a song from Elliott was the pinnacle of your life. This year, Stewart is going to apologize personally to you for entering his back and missing the LA live podcast. Or maybe not. Stewart is mercurial like that. Anyway, we love you and wish you the best year ever. Yeah, Stewart is so mercurial that he's not here.

I mean, it would be a little weird that you would be here right now since I'm doing these messages. Solo having just gotten home from work in anticipation of posting a live episode. If he was in my house, just say like, I don't know, showering or something, that would have been strange. Not on welcome, but strange.

Anyway, enough of my feudal attempts to make my voice alone sound interesting, it's time to get back to the, I believe, Philadelphia. Was that where we were? Episode with great wall. See you soon. We've got about, I think we've got about 15 minutes maybe for questions from the audience. I know why you're looking at me. I thought maybe you were remembered where the microphone was.

Oh, it's time to the stage. My phone is gonna be right down there. Oh, I hate peaches. I just wanted to thank you for all the relatively free content that you've given over the years. Oh, you're welcome. Relatively is right. It's free to you. I don't understand what you mean relatively free. No, no, it's the price he's paying with his soul. I didn't ask his question, Dan. And that's the other thing. We're so glad you guys are here. Don't worry about fluff enough. Come on, you know,

you have to thank us. You came here and then came to see us. Well, that's the questions, huh? But thank you. You're welcome. Oh, and I'm Sean last name we've held I Sean Sean Michaels the wrestler oh Really? Yeah, okay with Kellyan the Kellyan Elliott Kaylin leaving for LA Stu and Dan what are you two gonna miss most about having Elliot in the proverbial flop house? in the proverbial flop house. Aw. Aw. Here it comes.

Praise the plenty. I'll just bask in it. I feel like you're gonna be disappointed in the first thing that came to my mind, which is I'm gonna miss seeing Elliot absolutely dismantle the chicken. If you, it's gross. It is gross.

It is like the scene in a cartoon where a cat gets a fish, puts it down, it's gullet, and then pulls out a perfect fish skill. It's like the scene when like a hardened assassin is breaking down all of his weaponry. But also like, there are fewer bones than you would expect once he's done. He is clearly eaten half of the bone. This is something, this is something my son has a lot of pride in, but he'll he'll eat like a drumstick and then he goes daddy you can have the bone. And he's like he's like I want to see you eat the bone daddy. I'm like with pleasure yeah and I say to somebody so I'm gonna teach you the secrets I had to do this. And one thing that I I think what he

what Sean was implying is also what I'm gonna be looking forward to now that Elliot's gone is we're gonna be able to record with Dan's cat Archie actually in the room as opposed to crying sadly in the other room while Elliott laughs and taunts Archie. I do love this. What's that Arch? I can't hear you. It's from the door.

Yeah, Emily has been pretending to be allergic to cats all this time just because he hates them. He's just, he's just, he's, he's gas-lighting Archie. Yeah, so I can get his jewels. That was a great question. I loved it. Next question, please. Hi, Peaches. My name is Neil, last name withheld. Hi there.

I actually saw my first live show of you guys in Brooklyn when you did Fidget Shades. And I took my mom because I don't know. I love to do my parents. Because you like awkward rides home. We kind of didn't look at each other during the whole thing but she said she enjoyed it kind of. She was like, you're humorous. Their humor was soft. You don't have to qualify it for us.

Honestly, that's the way I feel about the show. That's better than my mom feels about the show. So basically, I wanted to know, like, I think that introduction went pretty well. I don't think she would listen to one on her own. I think maybe if I made her listen to it, she would. Is there something, yeah, she has to. She's legally obligated.

Is there something that you tried to introduce to your parents that, like, whether it be a movie or a TV show or something that you were like, oh my god, they're going to love it? And then at the end, they were like, well, I got really excited when the movie about Schmidt came out because I really liked it. And so I'm like, mom and dad, you've got to watch about Schmidt. They hated it. For some reason, a movie about a man growing old and losing his mate

Just didn't connect to them and Yeah, is it that it didn't connect with them or maybe maybe connected are you saying it connected too much? Possibly because sometimes when we touch the honesty is too much. Yeah Dan you recommend a lot of hardcore pornography to your parents. A lot of hardcore what? A lot of hardcore cat videos. A lot of hardcore hockey. Dan, you recommended hardcore hockey. Daniel recommended hardcore Henry to your parents. How did they feel? I believe it took you that long to get to the hardcore Henry. I think I may have said this on the podcast already so I'm I just I was always in charge of like I was the guy who

sent to Rancha movie because I liked reading movie reviews. By the way, Daniel, if they show hardcore Henry on FX do they have to call it softcore Henry? Oh! Bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim,im, bim, bim, bim, yeah, and my parents were just like, why did you get Wayne's world? They're already familiar enough with Wayne's world. My parents are like academics, like anglophile academics. And so they're just like, what is this? But they like Wayne's world. Yeah, it's a funny movie. Yeah.

I remember my mom was when headwagon the angry inch came out on DVD. She was just like, should I watch this? I was like, it's great. She did not care for it. Couldn't finish it. The other one I was throwing until is not me recommending, but I had a weird conversation with my dad years ago,

where he goes, he goes, you ever heard this movie, Dead Rangers? And I'm like, yeah, definitely. It's great. So just that mom and I rented it the other night. Like, can you explain us why someone would watch that? And I was like, all right, I don't think I can dad. I don't think I can explain that to you. But for years, I've been like, why did they rent it? It's not like the box art is that compelling. No. It's not like a Boris Valetio painting or something.

Or even Julie Bell. That's interesting. We should move on. Thank you. Thank you very much. You got some mic. Hey, yeah. My name is Brian Lee.

Hi. Brendan last name with hell. Hey, Brandon. I really enjoyed your adventures in crossovers. And I was wondering. Thank you. Woo! Some people did not.

Their names were Reddit. And I was wondering if you guys could ever see yourself doing an RPG again and maybe something like Feng Shui 2 that is built to have more improv and create the setting of an action movie, something like that? Yeah, so you're referring to the tabletop role-playing game, Feng Shui. Where you get to recreate like an action movie. Well, I'm always trying to get these guys to do fun stuff like that with me, but it also is a lot of work, especially if you're trying to make something

that people can listen to. And if there's one thing that made me respect Griffin, Macroi, more than anything, it's having to do that show and then the amount of stress that I put up with and the amount of work I had to put into it, this isn't funny at all, I'm sorry. But I mean, I'm assuming I'll probably be able to convince them to do something once a year, but I think that's

about all, right? It's difficult to schedule, but maybe you never know. Damn like, Dan likes role playing. I'm coming around on a certain time. Coming around on it a little bit. I feel like I'm like, your buddy Vin Diesel fucking loves it too. Come on man, are you cooler than Vin Diesel? For being the only person in the flop house with actual improv training, I am the weakest person when it comes to doing character stuff on those things.

So that's why I feel a little like gun shy I think. Well you just got to one mansion, you got to pretend that you're an orker something. Thanks for that advice. That's the secret. That's the secret. You shouldn't reveal that secret. Thanks for the question. Next question please.

Subdue to the rule bank account information withheld. And I wanted to know in a theoretical movie about God and the devil, what horribly unfit actors would you guys like to see play those roles? Like for Shock Failure, where it's like, I can't believe that's the person they cast for that. I gotta see this movie. About, yeah. Okay.

Who was terrible, like, bad casting for God and the devil? It's so hard for the devil because I feel like everything's kind of been tried. We're like, this kid is the devil. Or like, this, this, like, this funny guy or this goofy guy, or this sexy lady, or this old lady, or this young lady. Like, I feel like everyone's been tried for the devil. So maybe like a chair.

Yeah. What about that guy you hate from the Big Bang Theory? What about him, is the devil? Jim Parsons, well, he is the devil. So that's not casting. That's not casting. Just kidding. Just kidding. I just don't love that show.

And he played God on Broadway already, Jim Parts. Did he? Yeah, David Javro-Malms hit. I don't want to see Jared Leto play either of them. Unless, what if he played both of them? Oh, I'm listening. That would mean that. That would mean that.

That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that. That would mean that.

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Consider that question unanswerable next question, please First off, wow can't believe I'm seeing the flop house We're so glad you're here. Wow Fill or tell me a wow I'm Wow, we're so glad you're here. Wow. Phil, we're telling you, wow. I'm John. I'm Lata. I'm Lata. Wow, lightsaber.

I'm Lata. Wow. Well, lightsaber sounds. Yeah, lightsaber sounds like. I'm John has any videos about it. Please tell them to do us. John's trying to ask us to call you a job. I can't believe I'm actually trying to shut down Elliott.

Wow. I'm John, blessing withheld. I just watched the Cronenberg fly again for the bajillionth time. And afterwards, I found myself just so repulsed by any house fly anywhere. What was the last time you loved him? Yeah, before I loved that. Before you're like, come on, it's the dinner. So repulsed.

You're like, come on over. Let me share my food with you. And that was just the mark of such a great horror movie for me as I could see it so many times, but still be repulsed by this thing that it was about. Like, what are some things like that for you guys? Like an ordinary household thing that you could be repulsed by by movie.

I would say, I remember after I saw the movie, Cabin Fever, I got like really nervous about getting a disease, like a flesh-eating disease. That's not really a household thing, hopefully. Hopefully. But yeah, so that's my only answer. I don't want to get a disease. I mean, one of the things I loved about it follows was that I was kind of afraid of everything afterwards.

Geez, I don't know. Like whenever anyone tries to commit suicide in a movie, I'm just like, oh boy. So common household item suicide, all right? No, I just like, it's like, as a depressed person, I, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a very good that I look at that and I'm just like, not for me. I agree, Dan, that is very good, sincerely.

I'm very glad you feel that way. Yeah. Yeah, that, if that ever changes, please, please call us. Please call us. If you start, if you're like, please get in touch. Otherwise, don't bother calling us. Hey there, guys. Sam, last name withheld.

There's a big fighting game tournament going on this weekend. So it made me curious. If you guys were characters in a fighting game, what would your super special finishing move be? I guess I'll wait until you know. I was going to ascribe that your moves are basically Phoenix rights moves from the mother's capcom game. I guess it's like just talking a lot. But of course, let's not forget my specialist move of all. When I sing and sing and sing after watching a movie like the Great Wall, sometimes you just have a song in your heart that you gotta get out. Especially when it's the end of a fight, And they tell you to finish him and you go,

all right, but the thing that you want to do the most is sing. Because it's your favorite thing when you're finishing a fight. Every night, it's all right when you finish a fight to sing in the light or the darker the night. I mentioned night before, but I'm using that word again. So I kind of moved to do it. And I gave him the name again. And so what's going on to death after the fight?

It's going to be cool then I'll fly a kite. And I'm running out of words of the top of my head that rhyme with fight. So they'll be dead that runs ahead. Thanks guys. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I think we got another question. You know sometimes it's saying it's all shit.

And you're learning how to get through as many questions as we can. I get to be on this show all the time, and yet I'm eating up all the time. Yes, please, sorry, next question. Hi, I'm Anna, last name with Ald. And in the years I've been listening, I've had many, in the years that I've been listening to the show, there have been many questions I've thought about writing in, but I've forgotten them all. So instead, I have something I'd like to give you. Hello.

Oh, awesome. Thank you. Yeah. It's my birthday tonight, but I'm giving you a present. Oh, wow. Happy birthday. That's awesome. Thank you. That's awesome, thank you.

That's fantastic, thank you. Thank you for being here with us. It's, uh, Prince, they go together as a set. Don Rose's, uh, Blue Prince for Scrooge McDuck's, um, what? What? Yeah. Yeah, that's going in the hall of trophies, for sure.

Yeah, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Please, if you want to get in the coming event to us now, or you can easily, yeah, yeah. Please, come on up. Security, it's okay, lettering, it's all right. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thanks. We're gonna be pouring over those later so we can beat the beagle boys to it. Oh If we're not already too late Thanks so much. Thank you. That's great. Damn you don't like duck stuff. So I'll just hold on to it. Next question. Hey guys. Hey guys. Hey guys. Mark Glass, name, withheld. I have money I can give you. I don't have anything else.

No, no. Keep your money after the show. All right. Well, do. If anyone else has money, yeah. I'm an eighth grade history teacher. I thought you were about to say you're an eighth grade. I'm like, this is very light for you. Very light for you. Very soft. And you're in eighth grade and I'm like this. This is very light for you.

Very light for you. And every year universally and I'm pretty sure that's with any eighth grade or they have terrible taste in everything but especially movies. Every year I get, you haven't seen haunted house too. Like why would I see that? It's the greatest movie ever. And I don't get a lot of wiggle room within the year to show the actual non-school related movies I somehow got Remlins approved. Oh

Lots of history of hell Right before winter break, but I was wondering if you guys had any gateway movies for like 13 14 year olds I could kind of get them maybe a little later on into actual good movies. So they actually have good taste Have you ever thought about Gremlins? Good call, good idea, good call. I feel like all of the old, like, Ambulin, entertainment movies were like that thing back in the day. You know? Yeah, ET and yeah, and grandma's and like All the spill burky and like stand by me. What about stand by me? That's a good one. I think that's a good gateway for kids to watch movies that have no like fantastic element in them. Okay.

I was just about kids. I certainly was shown at many times when my dad and I'd be like I saw that movie. Yeah, we're watching it again. I'm just like I'm just like thinking of movies that I saw in school. And I remember we watched Indiana Jones in the last crusade. I'm like, what is the educational content of this? I guess it's making me like archeology. Yeah. And hate Nazis.

I remember I watched 1776. That's great. I love the idea that they showed you that in school and you're like, I'm never going to use this. And then 40 years later, you have to choose between grills and you're like, oh, if only I'd pay the attention in class. Which is the couple of a carpenter? Oh, boy.

Is it this bejeweled plate that's here for some reason? That's not even a cup. To weed out the really stupidity scores. Yeah, I don't know, that's a good question. That's a very good question. Stand by me to good response, although I don't have a good show in school, because it's swearing and stuff and throw ups.

I mean, all those movies and PG movies and the Aini, which were wild, dude. Like Teen Wolf, that's crazy. I feel like this is an old movie, but I feel like a lot of people I know were shown 12 angry men in school and really got into it in a way that they didn't with other black and white movies, and I'm not sure why that is, but that's a good one for me. What about like Lawrence of Arabia?

Yeah, show them a four hour movie. That's best seen in 70 million years. Everyone, are you saying it's not a good shit? It's not a good watch. It's shit nowadays, they can watch for hours. Actually, as long as you cut in closing credits every 45 minutes, someone just sit and watch Lawrence of Arabia all the way through. Somebody went up like a Lawrence of Arabia, like intro theme,

that's really catchy. Super emo, yeah. Like, well like a Kimmy Schmidt type thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay Yeah, I think that's all we've got I mean it's better than my gateway movie which was when I was eight or nine on my dad Should we robocop so Better than Robocop. I just think it's like that wasn't the most appropriate film for me to see All right, I think that we can stretch things and get through our Questions left nobody jumping at the last minute.

Thanks, guys. Zach, last name with health. So I used to spend a lot of time in a tour van as a musician and one of the conversations that would come up a lot is the definitive ranking of the fast and furious film franchise. And I was wondering if I could have a couple seconds of your time to just answer this once and for all.

Sure, yeah. So it just, it ends it and I don't have to debate this with my now former bandmates anymore. So LA, you're the gear head of the gang. Oh yeah. I'm a real car talk. Do you want to do it at the same time together? Yeah, that's all there. So number one's fast.

No question. There's two furious for us. Wait, you're just listing them in order? No, no, no. There's the furious. There's fast furious. Seven minutes in heaven. That's the seven of them. And then there's like us.ious seven minutes in heaven. That's the seven

one. And then there's like just the ten of us. That's a good one. Yeah. Really? Six is it. It's really Christian though. There was there was Mad Max, Fast and Furious Road. Yeah. Fast $5 foot long. Which one does which one does Vin Diesel come back for? This is fast 40. Oh, no. That's the 40th one. There's the fast and the furiest. That's the way the furies just have an orgy. But it's super.

Not always. Not always. There's a, in this case, it was. The fast and the fudious. This is the Ray Croc story with Michael Keaton. There's the, as the vulture. There's the slow and the Foodiest. It's the Ray Croc story with Michael Keaton. There's the... There's the... There's the Vulture.

There's the Slow and the Sanguine. Yeah. That's... That's probably not a very good one. Uh... There was also like Mad Max meets Fast and the Furious. Part three, the Avenger. I feel a little bit like when you bring like a soccer ball on,

you're like, hey guys, let's play soccer. Let me just kick it over the fence. Everybody knows the best Fast and Furious movies that take a Pellum 1, 2, 3, 3, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 2, 3, 2, 3, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 3 serious movies and could not have less of an opinion on this matter. So let's we answer that one. We got one last question. I hope that settles the debate. Well, that was really funny, so I almost feel bad because I'm about to be a total kill joy.

Bring it down. Bring it down. Yeah. Bring it down. Yeah. And last name with hell. Always leave him sad. That's it. We left now. Son's time to cross. Not to be totally pedantic, Elliot, but I really took issue.

No, please. I really took issue with your recommendation of love and anarchy, one of my favorite phones. When you suggested that it was sort of a romanticization of prostitution or sex work, when I think that actually she is doing the exact opposite of that, where she is weaponizing femininity and weaponizing male desire against fascism which is something that I think is like a really important reason why

we should be watching that movie right now and then also I think that some of the scenes you're talking about she's actually mocking the directors that you're talking about like mocking their fetishization. Definitely take that. No, I mean, it's a very fair point in life. So I was like, you to rewatch, or everyone, watch this movie. I mean, I rewatch it because it's a really good movie. Yeah, it's a good movie.

I think that there's more that specific movie. I might have been reacting in that movie to a certain strain of European film, where it's like, you know what's the most fun place to be? A whorehouse. The guys are having fun, the girls are having fun, I guess like Follini movies, is what I'm talking about. Whereas much as I like Follini, he's like, and Billy Wilder to a certain extent, it's like, let's just face it. Are never more fun than when they're prostitutes. I think she's responding to that in that movie. Oh, OK. So I was just you watching it with that.

OK. The Johns in it are certainly like the butt of the joke, you know, for sure. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So I don't want to interpret too much, but I'm assuming your question is, what's it like being so dumb and ugly?

Oh, no. No. That's a fair point. And it wasn't pedantic at all. It would have been pedantic if you were like actually the title is the incident that took place at the such and such broth Let's such a such a time which is like the full Italian title, but I don't know it. That's too long So fair point I'm gonna watch that movie again tonight and you guys are watching it with me Oh, good. And we're in a live vlog the whole experience Anything to keep you guys quiet in the back of the car.

We're driving back home tonight and that's what we're doing. We're watching Love and Energy in the back and maybe some episode to Daniel Tiger's neighborhood. Finding Dory. But that's a fair point and I take it as such. Alright, so what do we do now on this podcast? Now is the point of the podcast where we have to sadly say good night. Because we do, we are actually going back to New York tonight.

So... Because we don't want to spend one more second in your stink town. Shows over, I don't have to pretend I like this hellhole anymore. Give me three good things Philadelphia ever gave the world. Can't say cream cheese because I don't like that shit. Oh, no. Somebody yelled out Bill Cosby. Someone who is not made attention to the news in several years. So thank you so much. Thanks for having us. I've been Dan McCoy.

I'm Stuart Wellington. Oh, wow. Elliot Kaelin. That's me. Good night, Phil. And thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks so much. Thanks for having us. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington.

Oh wow, Elliot Kaelin, that's me. Good night, Phil and Elf. Thank you. Music Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture, Artistone Listener Supported Artistone. Listen or supported.