The Flop House - Ep. #273 - The Humanity Bureau

Episode Date: December 22, 2018

Can the magic of Cagemas overcome the most rote Nicholas Cage vehicle we've ever discussed, The Humanity Bureau? Meanwhile, Stuart reminisces about the Cage days of his youth, Dan writes a happy ending for some Foodfight! characters, and Elliott sets down some strict boundaries surrounding his son's bath time. Wikipedia synopsis for The Humanity Bureau Movies recommended in this episode: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Leprechaun Returns Summer 1993 LIVE SHOWS: The Flop House in Madison, WI on 1/26

On this episode we discuss the Humanity Bureau starring Nicholas Kukukakeeeage Hey everyone, welcome to the Flop House, I'm Dan McCoy. Oh man, it's been a long time, Dan, it's me, Stuart Wellington. And over here, Elliot Kaelin, confirming that yes, for us, it has been a long time, even though for you listeners, it's only been the regular two weeks since an episode. All right. Well, I guess that's a peak behind the curtain. People need to know how long it was. I mean, in actuality, that's not the case because last week recorded a max fund donor's only bonus episode. So it's actually been less time than usual between recording for us.

Yeah. Exactly. You're probably wondering why I haven't said Max Fun Boners only, Donus episode. And that's because, I guess I just did. Okay. Okay. A rascal. Aston answered, I suppose. So guys, we do on this here, flop house. That's what I was going to ask.

Dan, what do we do on this here, flop house? Well, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. And boy, howdy. Which time of year is it? This is the... What time of year is it, Tiny Elliott? Is this, well, hold on a second. Now, I'm assuming Tiny Elliott is a reference to the Nicholas Cage character,

Tiny Elvis from SNL, not just the fact that I'm a shorter than ever, human being. Or Tiny Tim also. Yeah, tiny Tim, the Nicholas Cage character from a cage miss Carol. Hey, wait a minute, it's cage miss. That's right, it's that special time at the end of the year when we celebrate the recent works

of our patron saint, Saint Nicholas, Nicholas Cage, that is the greatest actor in the world who makes the worst choices in the world. Well often, yeah, often. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He who makes the worst choices in the world. Uh, often, yeah, often. Wait, wait, wait, wait. He often makes the worst choice. And we're not just talking about his choice of property or, I don't know, hair style. We're not talking about his choice to overstretch his finances by buying castles and a smuggled

Mongolian tyrannosaurus skull. We're talking about his choice in roles, because here's the thing, guys. Let me lay it with you. Let me just be honest here. I do really think Nicholas Cage is one of the best actors ever, but he's not always in the best roles, but maybe today will be a little different. Dan, what movie did we watch today

as if it wasn't already announced at the top of the show? We watched the Humanity Bureau. Now, you probably have never heard of this movie. I mean, that's the slim pickens this year when it comes to Nicholas Cage. Slim pickens this year? How great would it be if Nicholas Cage did a movie that was a biopic of slim pickens? I would love that. That would be amazing.

So, yeah, we, so the last like year, so Nicholas Cage has made like a couple of indie hits. Yeah. Mandy and mom and dad are both really great. And he so we had a hop over to the old internet movie database and see what movies he's turned out that aren't those two movies. Yeah. What the ones he pooped out and private. That's the name of the the criterion eclipse collection of these Nicholas Cage movies is the pooped out in private. Yeah. Pooped out in private. That's the name of the criteria and eclipse collection of these Nicholas Cage movies is Nicholas Cage pooped out in private. So often, so Nicholas Cage, we used to be that there were glorious riches of bad Nicholas

Cage movies. Now, there's still plenty of them, but they're not as high profile. Yeah, and this is perhaps the lowest profile Nicholasicklaus cage movie we've ever done and that's it I mean I remember I remember when I was a boy when I was a boy guys I can you you could just stroll through the fields and there'd be there'd be nicklaus cage movies all over the ground you could just pick them up and eat them right there. Yeah but then climate change and nicklaus Cage movie swarms have been dropping in population very drastically and it's an important part of the bad movie ecosystem.

So guys, let's do everything we can to reuse Nicholas Cage movies, recycle Nicholas Cage movies and the other one, the other revert for conservation that I don't remember. Reduce, reduce, no, we don't want to reduce Nicholas Cage with. We don't reduce. No, that's the opposite. Reduce non-Nickolas Cage movies. Thank you, though. But yeah, I feel like we grew up during a golden age when Nicholas Cage was making good movies and theaters and also his bad movies were released in theaters. And now his bad movies are mostly low budget things that he needs to work to put it to put it to coin a phrase

That's never been said before these the movies he kind of pooped out in private Yeah, that's a new phrase I just invented Yeah, so Dan how did you hear about this movie the humanity bureau because I had never heard of it until we start or do it We want to brought up you brought up, I mean, I told you the same thing I looked at IMDB and I'm like, what movies? Which one is the dumbest name? Okay. Let's pick that one. Now, is this a sequel to the Adjustment Bureau or perhaps a prequel or squeak wall to the Adjustment Bureau? Another. I don't know. I've never seen the Adjustment Bureau. So I can't tell you. I think it's a movie about people wearing hats

from what I could tell. Yeah. It's about the band men with out hats before they lost their hats. Is that why they're called that? Yeah, I think so. They're always known for their hats before that. Yeah, yeah. It's the basis for John Klassons hit children books, children's book. I want my hat back. That's one of the things they wanted.

They wanted to differentiate that band from the band to the men, and they had to specify because the men apparently always wear hat, or whatever. Anyway, so I have a red band. So the human superhero falls under the heading of dystopia movies, and it also falls under the heading of worst driving CGI

I've ever seen in a feature film. I the bad driving CGI set up an expectation that this movie was not prepared to follow through on because I was laughing out loud at the first scene. I'm like, this is going to be great. And then the rest of the movie was just a slide into disappointment. But the bad yeah, they're like he's driving through a video game. It's the I want to I want to just give a quick mention of warning to a

flop house listener and special effects expert Todd Viserie. Todd we're going to be talking about bad CGI on this one. So get ready to defend CGI effects on Twitter. That's what he does sometimes. I figured that I figured that any moment after that first scene, the camera would just pull back and you would see that it's on the set of Saturday Night Live. Yeah, I mean, there are there are there are times when I was like, Oh, he's just sitting in a fake car in front of a TV at an amusement park or something like that. Yeah, I texted a friend and I was like, there are rear-screen projection effects in Alfred

Hitchcock movies that look better than this. And he also does the classic thing of moving the steering wheel way too much. He'll be driving down a straight road and he's constantly swerving the wheel as if I guess he's trying to avoid Koopa shells in the road that a banana peels that Wario threw in his path. Yeah, I mean, Wario's a fucking awesome asshole. Now, what's your feeling about Waluigi? I mean, obviously I feel positive about Waluigi, but, you know, is that all?

I mean, it's obvious. He's Waluigi. But I mean, I feel like Wario was my like first and greatest love. So, you know, I'm going to go with Wario on this one, small business owner Wario. Okay, guys. So should we talk about what this movie is about? Because it's a supposed so. It's not just about watching Nicholas Cage pretend to drive poorly in front of a very bad

special effect. It's also about, yeah. Before we start, this is possibly the most wrote story that I have ever seen on the flop house. Yes, someone wrote it, Dan. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, I think that's the hundredth time I've done that joke on the flop house. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, confetti, confetti, confetti. Parade, parade, marty-graw, marty-graw,

body blow, body blow, knockout. Wow. I'm gonna press these set up while that confetti ahead, body, blow, body, blow, knockout. Wow. I'm impressed that you set up all that confetti ahead of time. Yeah, and I got to clean it up. I was waiting, while the 80th time I did that joke, I was like, I got to get ready for number 100 because it's going to happen. There's a time when Dan's going to say it again and I'm going to say it again, it's going to be the 100th time and then I'm going to be the, I'm going to get a free, Toys or Us

shopping spree, just like on Nickelodeon. Okay. I don't know who's sponsoring you, but that's great. He said Nickelodeon, dude. Nickelodeon's doing it, right? Yeah, he's still, makes stuff, right? That's a channel. I mean, not the television channel. It is a channel. Not the television channel Nickelodeon, but an actual old-timey movie theater that charges Nickel

Oh, wow. To watch that train get into the station and... Sure. Yeah, and people... Well, Elliot's recommendations keeps driving them into a theater. But Dan, what were you gonna say? It's a wrote movie. Yeah, it's just the most basic,

is that because somebody wrote it? Ba ba ba ba ba ba. 101 Dalmatians. Okay, there wasn't much more to my what I was gonna say. It's a very by the numbers, soulless, very bland and dull dystopia. And a lot of plat look, a lot of filmmakers, they don't have a lot of money in the budget for special effects, not even realistic car driving effects. They don't have a big cast and they make up for it with, I guess, the most valuable and yet cheapest effect of all, which is imagination, which is the

ability to come up with concepts or ideas that, or even dialogue or scenes or characters that we've never seen before and really blows away. The creators of the humanity bureau bureau decided not to go that route. And instead, they would go the opposite route of just kind of doing what other people have done before. And we'll talk about that. So the Humanity Bureau, we open on text. Oh boy, everyone's favorite thing to open on.

Is there, how many good movies are there that open on text? Is it just the Star Wars movies? Ah. Wait, no. I mean, text chainsaw massacre, I guess, also opens on text. Is it just the Star Wars movies? Wait, no, I mean text chain saw massacre, I guess, also opens on text. Coney in the barbarian. Okay, Coney in the barbarian. Okay. Has there been a good movie in the past like 10 years that open on text? Again, barring Star Wars movies. Hmm, probably not. Well, flop-flas listeners right right on in if you got an idea send it to text at the flop house comm It's not a real email address So maybe just right into the regular email address. Yeah, I mean, and that's borrowing like we're not talking about like credits

We're talking about Descriptive to explainatory text. I mean most movies start with credits and many of them are very good Okay, but the text tells us that in the near future The climate collapsed and that caused society to collapse and America has walled off its cities and created the humanity Bureau whose job is to relocate people who are considered burdens on society. That's right. We're living in one of those post-collapse dystopias that somehow both, I guess, like, very socialist and very, like, libertarian conservative. It's a movie that feels like it's political, but it actually does not have any political ideas in its head.

Cut to Nevada. Nicholas Cage, our hero, agent Noah Cross of the Humanity Bureau. And let's talk about that name Noah Cross. That's a real name. Now that's, that's, that's, that's looking awesome as well as what it is. So that's all, but that's the name of the villain in Chinatown is Noah Cross. Really?

That's, is he a vampire? Yes, so you're saying it's the same character? Yeah, probably. Okay, so, By vampire, I mean, like that's the name of a day walker who hunts down other vampires. I mean, it's pretty clear. And he some kind of crawl like thrown blade weapon. Yeah, of course sure Perhaps so is that what the crawler is named after because it's shaped kind of like crawls blade weapon. I can only assume

So yeah, yeah, okay, that's fair. What about a bear? Or an original an original commercials for crawlers They had guys throwing crawlers into people's mouths. Was it a tie-in with crawl? Was that the thing? Yeah, yeah, they got Liam Neeson for the commercials. Wow, really? Because he plays the thief character, that movie.

That reminds me of when a dark man came out and they introduced darkness and rooms without lights turned on. And he was like having trouble sleeping with the lights on. Well, there's something new in town. And they turned the lights off. And it was the first time I ever saw a room with no lights on. And it's funny that people don't realize that darkness came as a tie-in with dark man.

It didn't exist. I remember that commercial played during Saturday morning cartoons and a couple of kids see Durant standing in the doorway and they're like, oh no, it's Durant. And then they turn off the light and they're like, he's gone. They start this. They start this. We all remember those commercials. Anyway, I wanted to be one of those kids so bad.

Anyway, so we're in Nevada. Nicholas Cage, agent Noah Cross. He's driving terrible green screen behind his car, get used to it because it's gonna be the best character in the home movie is the bad green screen. And he's got a hologram iPad, my other favorite character, which seems to be, if anything, less efficient than a normal iPad, it seems like he has to do

a lot more extra work to get it to work and tell him things. But it's also one of those movies where it's like, we gotta show this to the future. He's got an iPad that he can talk to, and it talks back to him. But that technology already exists in the modern world. So we'll have a little hologram floating above it all the time. And that'll, and then I'll assume, really drain the battery power. I feel like, I feel like companies would only, would only create hologram cell phones. If

they really want to cut down on people sending like dick pics and like people like surfing porn outsights on their phone. Because it projects it above the phone. Yeah, because everyone would see that person like lazily scrolling through porn. They don't have to be doing it lazily. Maybe they're doing it with a purpose. I mean, I think I'm instilling a little bit of my own personal life for this job. And also these holograms look like holograms. They mean they look like Princess Leia being projected out of R2D2.

So like, like the porn that you would see on it would not be that, like the, the resolution would be pretty low. What I'm saying is not the optimum way to, when people look at porn on the internet, the thing their first worry about is, is this 4K? Yeah, is this blue or is HD? I won't look at it if it's not. Yeah.

Is this boot like stream of a porn video in the best possible visual quality? Is this 3D TV? I can't get off to standard definition anymore. I'm sorry. You need to see pours. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Now, speaking of seeing pours, there's a lot of poor people in this movie that have to be relocated by the humanity bureau. So let's get back to it. So Nicholas Cage is also driving, it's an old kind of like what? Like muscle car type car, but clearly it's an alchemyno.

It's an alchemyno, but he's had it retrofitted somehow. They've mentioned at some point that they haven't made new cars in 30 years or something. They're constantly like upping the ante of what things are not around in the future. Cause they're like, they haven't built new cars in a long time. And later it's like, here's a can of coffee, very rare, hard to get. And then later on, someone's like, we're going up to a lake.

And someone's like, they don't have lakes anymore. There's a moment where, yeah, they talk about how rare coffee is. And then later on, you see a guy drinking a takeout cup of coffee. There's a part later on, Renika's cage has to trade his expensive watch for a can of things. Hahaha. There's a part later on, Rannickless Cage has to trade his expensive watch for a can of beans. And it's like, okay, hold on a second. Just how bad is everything that's going on? Because we also see earlier that later that he has a mone in his apartment, like this

is last man on earth and like will forte, he's just been walking around the world stealing creatures. But okay, he goes to a motel where they're selling unlicensed pure water, which is not okay to do. And he sees this all. Yeah. And that unlicensed pure water is clearly an avion bottle with the label removed. On one hand, yeah, on one hand, I like that like detail that they have to scrounge for that sort of thing. But most likely it was just a lazy prop choice. Yeah.

As lazy as a as a porn hub browser. Yep. No, this was something that made me think of before when you said lazily scanning through. It was like a goofish and gallant for adults, which is like goofess lazily browsers through porn hub. Gallant has a specific fetish that he's searching for. So Nicholas Cage has a meeting with an old man who is appealing the decision for him to be relocated to new Eden.

New Eden is where they send all the people who cannot support themselves financially. Now, they're told it's a place where everyone gets everything they want and it's all candy and elves and comic books and all that stuff. But you know, he says he knows the truth. And it's like, yeah, of course, it's a place where they kill people. Like what else is it gonna be? Like from the first moment,

I mean, I wasn't sure if the audience was ever supposed to believe that New Eden is a good place. Nicholas Cage seems to think so. Every other character in the movie seems to be totally aware that it is a place where they kill people who go there. Yeah, I mean, I assumed right off the bat that it was going to be a place where they kill people and turn them into food and New Eaton was going to be a pun for New Eaton. Stewart, that is so much more imagination than with than anyone put into this movie.

Because as we see later, we'll get to it. The people get killed and New Eaton just turn into, get turned into ashes, which are then packed into boxes to be used when you want to threaten somebody who works for you. So the old man is like, I don't want to go there, but it's a crime not to be a productive citizen. It's never really explained what productivity is. Since everyone in the movie is either a non-productive burden

who's running from the government or a government agent, there's nobody in between. And so this turns into a gun fight. The old man pulls a gun on Nicholas Cage. Nicholas Cage, our hero, we're introduced to him to him, she's like an old man. I'm just gonna go get some receipts from underneath my mattress in here.

Yeah. That's a, Nicholas Cage has to audit their finances and he's looking through papers that look like they're from the gold rush era. It's like they put, guys, you did not have to use a match and coffee to stain and burn these documents to make them look like pirate maps. They can just look like gold receipts. And I love that the establishing shot for this guys run down apartment is,

which they use a couple times is always a close up shot of a plate with old food on it covered in mealworms. Yeah, because they all live in a centabyte hell-raised world, I guess. Now I think we were speaking over you when you're making this point, Elliott, but it struck me that, yes, like our introduction to our hero is him shooting a destitute old man. Yeah, and I mean, we're split. He's a guy who's working for bad people. We know that, but it is a very unsympathetic way to be introduced in Nicholas Cage. At the very least, make the person that he's going after a threat in some way so that we see a sense of the next cage of skills.

Totally. I mean, he totally blasts the hotel guy with a shotgun before Nicholas Cage shoots him. That's just on a rampage. The way this scene works out is he goes, let me get these other papers. He closes the door. He gets a shotgun and he blasts it through the door. I guess using his Matt Mur doc daredevil radar sense to to know where nigglass cages he opens the door nigglass cage is gone and it turns out nigglass cage has the amazing skill of moving out of the way of doors when there might be a shotgun blast behind it and then the hotel owner walks in

the old man kills him in the nigglass cage shoots a kiss the old man and we learned the old man was once the governor of colorado had dinner at the White House with president Donald Trump in a... Oh wow, how the mighty have fallen. Oh boy, very much so. Donald Trump we must assume is wearing some kind of sack cloth and eating ashes in the desert, you know, as penance of some kind. We can only imagine because the bigger they are, the harder they fall. He's a pretty big guy. I'm not trying to size shame him. He's taller than me.

He's just kind of like there's like an elephantine quality about Donald Trump. But anyway, we don't need to get into that because this is way in the future. And that's all I know. So I can only assume the Nicholas Cage was behind the couch because he was looking for more receipts and then was surprised when shotgun started flaming. I think so. And as, look, well, I was gonna try to quote a, that Carol Kayne song about it, you can't talk to a man with a shotgun in his hand,

but then I briefly forgot the lyrics, so forget about that. Okay guys, Nicholas Cage, as a result of his, just top work shooting this old man is getting a promotion. And he talks to this bald guy in his apartment who I can't tell if it's his boss or his partner or just another coworker. is getting a promotion and uh... he talks to this this bald guy in his apartment who i can't tell if it's his boss or his partner or just another co-worker their relationship

seems to be kind of fluid uh... but it but the uh... nicole's case sympathizes too much with the unproductive he doesn't want to move them and as he says to this bald man whose name i think is adam that i wasn't really sure he says it was like been westing house oh that could be it it's well uh... and after he's the uh... uh... his family owns the patent on the refrigerator. Oh, that's why he was able to survive and become federal agent. So bald man is right off the top. You can tell he's gonna be the bad guy. And that's why he I'm gonna spin him off into the movie bald man.

And then I can have the sequel bald man versus dark man where they finally fight these two characters we wanted to see in conflict for so long dark man who is the power of fake faces and bald man who is the power of blinding you when light shines off of his dome and that is the that's the enemy of darkness and we often think of darkness as a bad but in this case it's good because dark man he hides in the shadows for justice at bald man he shines the light of injustice in your eyes to blind you. So anyway, I mean, the darkness comic book is bad, but the darkness banned is pretty good. All right.

I mean, it's balanced out. All right. And blind is a different song that people don't realize is a Bruce Springsteen song, but it is. There's almost no plot in this film, but we've spent 20 minutes talking about the first five minutes. Okay.

Nicholas Gage mentions that he's seen children drink their own piss. I guess he was watching Waterworld babies, starting little calf costner. And Nicholas Cage remembers the good old days when he was a kid and his mom used to take him to a lake and teach him fly fishing. And he is using a fly fishing rod in his apartment and hooks it onto the Monet on his wall, which who cares, society is collapsed. Who cares about how valuable Monet is anymore? Okay, Nicholas, he goes to his next humanity

that needs bureauizing. That's a mom named Rachel and her son Lucas. And Rachel has dressed Lucas up in new shoes who that don't fit to make it look like he is successful. Nicholas Cage goes through their pages. Which is fucking crazy. Cause later on this kid is climbing all over a roof wearing a brand new pair of timber

Lance man like what yeah tell me put them in those shitty dress shoes man those Tim's look awesome Nicholas Cage he tells them they're gonna have to relocate and Rachel slaps him But then Lucas is climbing up on that roof putting a bird back in a nest that he keeps on a chimney I couldn't quite understand what what was going on I guess there's a bird that lives in a nest on a chimney on the house. There's apparently enough food for this bird to get by. So why don't they just let the bird tell them how to not be a burden on society? Because bird, you can't feel bird in without bird, right Dan?

Well, not those exact letters, but yes. Close enough though, right? Yeah, all right. I guess so. Now, I'm a little confused about the timeline here because I feel like I- Well, Dan, this is the future. All right.

And that's why, and that's why- Wait, we're in the future? No, no. We're in the- No, we're in the- We're in the future from the moment before. Well, that's true. There was a scientist, I believe, who once said,

I think it was his posture that time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future. Okay. And also, do-do-do-do. So that applies to this situation. But, Dan, slipping into the future. And also, doot, doot, doot, doot. So that applies to this situation. But Dan, what did you not understand about the timeline? Now, I mean, it goes like this. It goes like this creation of the universe, single-celled organisms, plants, amphibians, reptiles,

mammals, people. Okay. Thanks. Then question mark, question mark, question mark, like an e-vite where you don't know how late the party's gonna go. Mm-hmm. And then Borl locks and Eli. Yeah, Eli.

Just a guy named Eli and his more locks. L, L, L, L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L- not paying full attention to the movie, but I feel like later on, don't we learn that by this time he is like, learn the shocking truth of New Eden, like he learns it like in between. No, not yet, not yet. Okay. That's, that hasn't, that was about to happen. Anyway, Nicholas Cage saves this boy by giving him CPR, which I guess he owes the broken leg that he got from falling off a roof. Uh, and Nicholas Cage, this is the weirdest part of the movie for me. He's hanging out in their living, in their one room house. While the mom gives Lucas, who is the weirdest part of the movie for me. He's hanging out in their living in their one room house, while the mom gives Lucas, who is 11 years old, a bath in a big metal tub. And it's like, one, it's kind of weird for her

to still be giving him a bath. He is almost an adolescent. And two, it's even weirder that Nicholas Cage is watching this mom give this kid a bath like the whole situation is weird. It's for, and you know what? Family togetherness, you know, the family that bathes together,

stays together, but I think it's still weird. Like when my son's 11, you better believe I'm not gonna be washing him in a big tub, and you better damn well believe Nicholas Cage is not welcome to watch my, to watch my 11 years old son wash himself. Oh come on, he's Nicholas Cage. I'm gonna stick with, I'm gonna say I have a Dan on this one.

Okay, I voted Nick. When my son's 11, come on by and's Nicholas Cage. Yeah, I'm gonna stick with, I'm gonna sign with Dan on this one. Okay, I voted Nick. When my son's 11, come on by and watch him take a bath. The jury has spoken. Now, this around the time where Nicholas Cage turns to the woman, he's like, why do you want to stay here? And I think it's pretty clear. They have this big ass house with a ton of stuff in it. Like they have a whole fucking display of commemorative spoons. Like if they're so like if they're so poor, why how do they have all this

stuff? Are there still I sell the spoons? Who's the set dresser for this movie? Who's like, well, we could make it look post-apocalyptic or we could just use my friend's house. Now, now let's just say right now we are not falling into the Fox News trap of saying, how can you be poor if you have stuff? Because poor people have TVs and refrigerators, they can't be that poor. Don't give them welfare. But it is true that they are supposed to be so destitute that the government wants to relocate them to a death camp.

And yet they've got so many, I don't know where she got those new shoes. They should have had a line about like, I had to trade my eggs for those shoes or something like that. They really don't seem to be in that bad a shape. But maybe the standards in the future just so high because the rich don't want to share, you know. Yeah. And the idea of like, it doesn't feel like, it doesn't feel like there's a Walmart down the street that they're just going to buy their stuff. Oh no, they live in a blasted wasteland. They live on a, they have like four different cookie jars on their

counter. So there's a scene like a world that doesn't have cookies. There's a scene later where the bad guy needs something that that he saw get put in a cookie jar, but he's tied up and he's telling somebody it's in the cookie jar. No, the other cookie jar. And it's like, yeah, good point. Why does this family have so many cookie jars? Okay, so Nicholas Cage, he feels sympathy for this boy that he's watching get a bath and he calls in and he remembers fishing with his mom and he calls in and says, let's delay their deportation. I'm going to look into the case. Baldi does not

like that. He's already suspicious of Nicholas Cage. Now he's double suspicious. Nicholas Cage goes back to the big city and he follows the clue that he got from the old man, which leads him to meet like this kind of rebel guy who in an elevator and the rebel gives him a micro like a data chip that tells him the truth about new Eden. Now we don't get to see it, but it's pretty clear that he's learning that they just the kill the people that go to New York. But what, so what about this old man with a shotgun at the beginning made like nothing about his, he's so close to being part of her resistance. So what about this old man with a shotgun at the beginning made like nothing about

his. He's so close to being part of her resistance. He's so close to being a hobo with a shotgun, but not quite there. Yeah. Um, yeah, there's no, there's nothing that would make me believe that this guy is part of a complicated resistance movement. He just seems like a poor old man down eyes. Look, that's all an act. It could be a cover story, although this seems to fall into the V for Vendetta trap of everyone in the movie is either

a fascist or a rebel and there's no regular people in between. The way how in V for Vendetta everyone openly disparages the fascist totalitarian government seemingly without punishment. And yet no one, they never, no one ever puts two and two together and it's like, oh, there's like four people who run the whole government and they have three policemen who work for them. Maybe we should just go and fire them and just take over. But it's kind of like that. Everyone in the movie is either a bad guy or a rebel with nothing in between. Some of them are even rebel rebels, which is like,

we'll get to that later. Yeah, exactly. And none of them, of course, are Robble, Robble, which is what the hamburger says. Oh, God. Yeah, he died long ago. Yeah, that's sure. Oh, what if there was a scene where they like found the hamburglers bones, clenching what was left of a hammer? I love that. That would be very strange. That's in post-apocalyptic answer to your what if I guess that's true. You would go, what? My I'm a sucker for post-apocalyptic stories where they stumble upon vestiges of civilization that they don't recognize, but that we recognize.

Like Tom Petty in the Postman movie. Yeah, basically, or like the end of, I mean, he recognizes it the Statue of Liberty, but the end of the plan of the apes, or like, there's all these movies where, or books more, where people are wandering through a post-apocalyptic world and they'll come across like the ruins of a New York landmark and the characters don't

know what is but you notice I love that stuff. So maybe they just find someone in a hamburger cost. They come across the radioactive way what's left of a McDonald's play place. And they go home. These must have come up on the they come up on the feet of an A's R is big boy statue and It's just like It's upon my big boy and despair. Well, they find they find the statues of the McDonald's and they see Mary McChee's and they go Ah, this was their leader

Uh, probably a war chief and then they see Grimmis and they go and this was their god interesting Uh, okay, so Nicholas Kay. I mean, Mary McCheezes a fucking puppet, right? We can all agree. Oh, yeah. He's a puppet for Ronald McDonald's in charge. Oh, yeah. Considering Ronald's the richest man in his town and it's named after him, I think the fact that it's called McDonald Land and not the people's Republic of Burgers, Vania

or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ronald McDonald's is very much the hands behind the puppet and the the man behind the throne now Here's the thing. Who's the rebel in this scenario? Is it the bird with the flight cap or is it birdie or really? You know what is it hamburger is he? It's pretty clear and that's what he's saying rebel rebel not robble. Robble. You know what guys forget what I said

He is a rebel. He's the best of them all hamburger. Some day you'll be a hero, but not today and and there's gonna be that moment where he's the best of them all. Hamburger, someday you'll be a hero, but not today. And there's gonna be that moment where Hamburger gives his life to remove the bomb from Gotham City and they put a statue of him in town hall and then his butler finds him alive in Italy. And at no point does he go to Gotham be like, oh, you can take that statue down, he's fine. I'm not gonna do that.

Wait, do you think that's his responsibility? I think you should do that. If you see something, say something, Dan, he responsibility? If he wanted you, I should do that. If you see something, say something, Danny, saw a living Bruce Wayne, say something, take down that boondoggle of a bad statue. Just because he died, it didn't die, he doesn't deserve recognition for saving Gotham. You know, because this opens up a world where Christian

bailed aside to dress up as Batman, go over to Gotham and just step in front of the statue and start selling his autograph and taking pictures in front of it. And that's not cool. Okay. Okay. So Nicholas Cage, he goes to Lucas's recital. The official cover story is I delayed their deportation so he could go to his recital

at school that he's been training for. And Lucas's part is to literally recite the Pledge of Allegiance and everyone applauds him as if that's difficult. As if millions of children don't do that every day. It is very stupid. This movie is very heavy-handed with it's like America stuff. The people are like, this is supposed to be the United States of America.

Look what happens. That kind of stuff. Nicholas Cage gives Rachel a can of coffee very rare. The next morning, Nicholas Cage having stayed the light, stayed the night, but as a gentleman he sleeps in his car, he does not take... I feel like this movie where cars are the only place people sleep. Or car-shaped beds. Yeah. Or beds shaped like cars shaped like... Yeah, car-shaped bed. For a man, I thought I said, a car-shaped like a bed, which will be crazy. It would be crazy because they haven't made new cars in years.

Exactly. Yeah. So it's just a bed on wheels, I guess. Yeah. Which I guess is how the grandparents in the really want in the chocolate factory would get around just a bed on wheels. Yep. When they participated in wacky races.

What a crossover. Finally, the worlds of Hannah Barbera and Royal Dahl have combined. Okay, so the next morning, Baldi shows up. There's a big fight. Lucas shoots him in the eye with a BB gun or a rifle or something. And Nox's eye right out of his head leads to a very lackluster fist fight. And Rachel holds up Nicholas Cage's gun and shows she is totally incapable of handling it as she just shoots the walls up, loses control of it,

and they escape just as the other humanity bureau agents arrive. Now, next we get to my favorite little detail in the movie, which is that they have hand cuffed Baldi and he has to tell his sidekick porter, give him the key, which is hidden in the aforementioned cookie jars. And they have, I don't know, so they must have done this

as a little bit of frontier medicine. They have ducts taped a piece of bread over his empty eye socket. I guess because they don't have bandages in the future, but they do have bread. And it's such a weird, because the whole point is they don't have bread, right? Now, I guess that was, maybe it's really moldy,

and I don't know, but it is such a funny visual, and it's the one movie, I don't know, but it is such a funny visual and it's the one movie where the one moment Where it turns into like a fury road delicatessen Terry Gilliam type movie is just like, yeah That's what they use for bandages in the future just little pieces of bread in duct tape to your face partially eating bread Parsley nothing's nothing's better to put on an open wound such as a missing eye, then a little piece of partially eaten bread. Yeah. I love it.

It is such a weird scene. It's like this bread taped to his face and he's telling his assistant, no, the other cookie jar and you're like, this is supposed to be funny. I assume, right? Yeah. And then, and then I think we cut to Westinghouse walking down an austere hallway back at the humanity bureau and he's passing a janitor's cart and picks up a paint scraper that's just sitting there

and uses it as a mirror to check out his new eye patch, which is crazy. Like wouldn't he just go to his office to do that? Or the bathroom. Does he not have bathrooms in the future with mirrors? Now, he is meeting with his superiors in a wet parking lot because I don't think they had access to the conference rooms at that particular building when they were shooting it. And they tell him that he has to stop cross because they have to preserve the illusion

of new Eden. And he shows them the bad guy's superior, shows them these boxes of ashes. And he pulls something out. This is a empty parking lot, but for one pallet of boxes. Yes. And he, it's this box of ashes and he pulls out and he goes, what do you think this is? A piece of bone, a tooth and his assistant goes, maybe she's not assistant. I just assumed because he is the one who's throwing the threats around, but maybe they're

co-equals on this bad guy committee. She says, I think it's a child's tooth. And he goes, yeah, child's tooth. Anyway, you better stop him or you'll go to New Eden and it was like this movie is That's a pretty crazy moment to be like take a look at this kids tooth We killed this kid and burned him the same thing will happen to you and it just playing off the fact that Nicholas Cage earlier Was like I've seen children drink their own piss. It's like this movie really is hitting the child card pretty hard Yeah, uh this is a weird hard. Yeah. This is also weird.

This one, the evil president also threatens Baldy by saying, agent Noah Cross was your friend. A good friend is good as friends get. And I don't think that's the case. No, they don't seem to like each other. That's also not the way any person has ever talked in the history of the world. I also don't know why he has to have

like these props for show and tell. Since everybody already knows what new Eden is, I mean it's because it makes it a cool scene, dude. And you know why? Because the tactile sensation of an object really can get a point across in a way that mere words don't always join me, won't you? In a little voyage into the world that I call proper communication. Hi, I'm Ellie Kaelin. Would you like to be an effective communicator for both business, pleasure, or combined? I didn't sign up for this. We all would.

And so the first rule of communication is object work. Use an object. If I am masterclass on line, I don't know about it. Hit the back button. Hit the back button on the back. Preferably, a preferred objects include dead children's teeth, cans of coffee, or too many cookie jars. Now, any of these can be used to get your point across. Lesson two.

Tell a tale. Facts don't stick in the human mind, but stories do. We're a people that love stories. Stories like the humanity bureau, in which in the next scene, Nicholas Cage, he smashes his phones, they can't track him. And he demand, this is when our scene, Nicholas Cage, he smashes his phones, they can't track him. And this is when our hero, Nicholas Cage,

demands gasoline from a handicapped man at gunpoint. And the handicapped man really like turns his opinion around on Nicholas Cage too, like he threatens this guy at gunpoint, like you say. And then like as Nicholas Cage is leaving, he's like, are you a good family man? And Nicholas Cage like, I try to be. And this creates a bond between them

so strong that the gasoline man then fractures his truck into the- It's a bad guy car. It's a bad guy. It's a bad guy. You guys are being mean to Brian, the owner of Brian's gas or whatever. His name is written on the thing.

No, I prefer. I'm not a man. No, I'm not a man. Carry's around a crutch, but never leans on it at all. He doesn't seem to. He's more as a prop like Elliott was saying. He doesn't seem to need the crutch. The crutch seems to be there more as a conversation starter.

But you would think like if he needed a crutch, maybe he could use it to lean over when he spits out his tobacco juice. Most of the time, he's just spitting it on himself. Yeah, that's the full character of this guy. No, no, there's like two in Kanditabaki. There's the characters. Here's the three, three, four things about him. He owns a gas station.

He pretends he needs a crutch. He likes to shoot tobacco. And every line he says is so hilariously pretentious. He goes, he shows Nicholas Cage all this extra gasoline. And he goes, I was saving these for a rainy day. Something tells me a storm is coming. Like, everything he says, everything he says, it seems like it was designed for the trailer. Like, this actor was like, I'm gonna be in the trailer for this movie.

I'm gonna rewrite all my dialogues, so it's just like super ominous. And then he crashes his tow truck into a bag-eye car. I assume giving this one. Yeah, the sad lonely end of Brian, the gas man. Now he smashes his car into, you would hope that he would smash into the lead car of the pursuers. But in fact, he hits the second car, leading the, leading Westinghouse to look over his shoulder

and say, what the hell? And that's it. Like that is, that is the entirety of Brian's eulogy. That's what it's like. You think they're gonna stop their car and be like, what is going on? And that's it like that is that is the entirety of Brian's eulogy Be like what is going on, but in fact what the hell let's just continue Brian left the world as he entered it making people go what the hell Who is this guy? Nicholas Cage bombs with Lucas over a lucky rabbit's foot that he gives to Lucas as a gift And he says he plans to take them to foot that he gives to Lucas as a gift.

And he says he plans to take them to the lake he used to go to as a kid, Jack Fish Lake, which he has a postcard for and Rachel doubt it exists. And this is kind of one of those things where it's like, I feel like we've seen this at other postpoklet movies where someone has like a piece of memorabilia from a place that used to exist in the before times in the old world and they're trying to get to it. I'm having trouble thinking of a specific example at the top of my head, but. Yeah, it looks like any location map in the fallout series of games, basically.

Yeah, there you go. And that kind of like fake postcardi shit. And I think he's bonding with him while sitting on the prow of what like a robot that's on, like sitting in an old dead lake, like it's just desert. And yet there's a bunch of fish just lying around that look like they haven't been there that long. Maybe the lake dried up like a day ago.

It's a movie that seems to not have put a lot of thought into how long in the future it's supposed to be. Like it's, everyone's like, oh, nobody remembers a world where there were lakes, but they were like, oh, we better show this was a dried up like so we'll put fish around, not even like fish bones, not even the band's fish bone, which would have been amazing to have them suddenly appear and put on a performance in the movie. Yeah, they're great. Yeah, who wouldn't love that? Okay, uh, Baldi, he threatens the rebel who told Nicholas Cage about New Eden, and he says, I'm going to kill your family. And it's then it's like

psych, I already killed him. And we never hear about those characters ever again Nicholas cagey it stopped by a family of survivalists led by a German dad who has the another one He's hilarious lines he goes what is your business here a stranger and it's like all right Is it medieval times all the sudden? Well first I thought they're like getting into Canada and I'm like this is an interesting take on a Canadian Well, first I thought they're like getting into Canada and I'm like, this is an interesting take on a Canadian accent. Well, also like he feels the need to identify himself as German too. He actually says it explicitly and it's just like, yeah, dude, we can hear you.

I don't understand. It's almost like they're like, people are going to wonder why he has this accent. So we had to just call it out ahead of time. But it was unnecessary. He tells them, he gives them a root north and a Geiger counter. Well, Lucas bonds with the guy's kids who are kind of what, Revers, or they're kind of like a rating family.

It's one of the, it's like. Yeah, that's like Rufio in the gang. Yeah, or like what's that, was that Captain Fantastic, the Vigo Mortensen movie? It's like, yeah, they're, they're fair old children who live out in the, in the wild lands.

So, Baldy learns that Rachel is living under an assumed name. She stole the identity of her neighbor who's dead. And he also shows off his exercise pool to his sidekick, Porter. Now, this is what meant to show that Baldi is so rich because he's a fascist government agent that he can afford to live in a place that has a swimming pool. But there was, but there was like, and I don't know if I should bring it up.

There's an icky moment in there for me where he tastes like Porter, and Porter is black. And he goes, Porter, you should get in and he goes, no, I would drown. And I'm like, that's, I mean, I, they not aware of the, like, there's a racist stereotype that black people can't swim. And so that's like, that's not cool movie. Like, I mean, you probably don't know you're playing into that, but it's still a weird moment. And I didn't like it. And I thought this was a color blind fascist totalitarian totalitarian dystopia. And now, and now I'm kind of weird gross. It was like, yeah, you're on board before. You're like, sure,

New Eden, whatever. Get rid of the bird. But now, look, I'm a maker, not a taker. Get these leeches off of me. Let's go go, go. But it's also like, it shows, I guess, how unrealistic the movie is, that when they pull out a child's dead tooth, I was like, eh, but when they accidentally touch upon a racial stereotype, I was like, movie, that's too far. Maybe it's just what I expect from movies and don't expect from movies.

I don't know, it says more about me. Well, I guess what I'm saying is, movies are worseorschach test. In that, it's not trapped in here with us. We're trapped in here with it. Oh, okay. Yeah. The true Rorschach test is whether or not you think

Rorschach is the hero or possibly a villain of that story. I guess so, yeah. Certainly an argument I had with a friend of mine when I was 15. So, Nick. That friend, Zack Snyder. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

So Nicholas Cage and the other guys, by which I mean Rachel and Lucas, they're in the car. Uh oh, a drone is flying overhead. They have to bump, bump, bump, sit in their car and wait for it to fly away. That's the, that's the next challenge on their quest. And they all really get on each other's nerves. And I'm like, oh, they are because this is one of those moments where like they are kind of becoming a real family because they're all on each other's nerves on this long car trip.

And Lucas is like, Hey, my friend told me new Eden is death camp. And Rachel is like, don't say that. Nicholas Cage is like, no, he's right. It is. And it's like, how big a secret is this if Lucas heard it from his friend at school? Like, come on. Yeah, that's like finding out that after you beat Mike Tyson and Mike Tyson's punch out, there's a secret guy named Ray Trashman who throws trash at you.

Like, I heard that in school, like, there's no way that's a real secret. Or if it turned out that they really didn't vent hoverboards that worked and parents did take them off the market because they were so dangerous and you were like, how did kids get this secret information? I don't understand. Yeah, those parents, I guess, are the same parents who lied about Freddie Krueger ever existing. You know, kids have ears everywhere. Yeah, like on their head, certainly. Yeah, mostly on their head, Stan.

I've seen a couple of different parts of the body. I've seen kids. They're just covered in ears. They're allows you with them. Oh, it's gross. Dan pulls down his pants to show us the ears on his butt. Elliott, come on. I'm not a kid.

Oh, yeah, that's, I'm sorry. He was a kid. You would have dropped off when you went through puberty or ex- your vestigial ears. My baby ears fell out. You put them under your pillow and the ear fairy comes along and gives you, I don't know what, what is the ear fairy give you? Well, just a ball of wax. It's really gross.

I don't know why I put the ears under my pillow if I knew that was going to happen. We're putting together a pretty good spec script for the next channel zero season. So there's a moment here where Rachel is like, so are you going to tell Lucas that you're his father and he's your son? And it's one of those things where you're like, I knew this was going to happen because I know how movies work. But there was nothing in the story that would have led me to believe this. Yeah.

It just kind of comes out of nowhere unless you've seen a movie. In a good case, you know, that's the case. And Nicholas Kays, like, I don't know blah, blah, blah, blah. But it means that Nicholas Cage knew that Rachel was not really Rachel despite, she doesn't even have the Rachel haircut. So like he knows that if anything, she looks more like a Monica. Yeah. A harmonica, if you will.

Oh, wow. No. Isn't that what her dad, Ellie, Gould calls her harmonica, was it? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I'll allow. Hey, hey, friends, fans, check out the friends Wiki. Text me later.

Whether or not I'm right. Promise not to be a creep like a Ross over here. Wait, are you calling me a Ross? I'm just saying Ross is the villain of friends. Yeah, Ross is the bad guy. There's a baddie, he's, it's Ross. Ross is very clearly the worst, most horrible character in friends

because he's a jerk, but he thinks he's the hero. Uh-huh. And Gunter is there to warn us away from trusting in boss. What people don't realize is that monkey was is Ross's parole officer who's there to keep the line. Oh, weird. Yeah. Oh, did you not know that the friends live in the Zootopia world? Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. They're the live in the Zootopia world. Okay. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah. They're the last humans in Zootopia. And people are like, how do they afford that apartment on a waitress's salary?

Because they're in a human zoo, dudes. She's not really a waitress. Yeah, that makes sense. She could just put her in an environment that she feels comfortable in, where she would do human life-like activities. So she doesn't go crazy and chew off her own feet, you know, like an animal in a cage.

So Ross is very much like just the bad guy, you know, but it's like that, it's like that old saying, either die a hero or live long enough to become Ross. So Baldi at this point, Lucas stops to use the bathroom, continuing our, and Baldi attacks from the bathroom, continuing our theme in the movie of Lucas having adults with him when he's either bathing or using the bathroom when he shouldn't need to really. He's old enough that he can do it on his own. He doesn't need a bag either. Turns into a firefight with federal agents.

Lucas gets away from Baldy by stealing his fake eye, which I couldn't quite figure out how that happened. So he just took it from his pocket, which doesn't make any sense. It was like, yeah. It was like he stole it from his pocket and Baldy was like, my eye of power, I'm too weak to hold you now.

Yeah, and Wessenghouse, when he loses his eye, he's like, hey I have power. I'm too weak to hold you now. Yeah. And Western house when he loses his eyes, like, hey, you little. And then the kid drops it down a fucking vent and he's like, I'll get it. And Western has like, I guess I'll just stand here and wait for you to come back. And then like, I'm sure it cuts him a little bit later. He's like, I don't think he's coming back. And not Lucas runs outside or a nucleus Cage almost backs his car into him. And what was a pretty good stunt in that it really did look like they almost hit that kid with a car. Okay. So Rachel take take our moments of joy when we can in this movie. Yeah. Like when Nicholas

Cage defends his decision not to go with Lucas to the bathroom because as he says, it was number two. That's right. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I didn't even think about that. Which means they had a conversation about it too. Lucas was like, should I come with you? He was like, no, it's number two.

All right. So, so does that mean I shouldn't come with you? And Lucas is like, no agent cross. If it's number one, sure, number one, more's the fun. Everyone has that with me. He's like, I've heard about you agent cross. You like watching kids drink their own piss. So if it's number one, you're coming in.

Number two, I don't need you. That's the, just remember that rhyme and you'll always remember. Okay, okay, what about number three, the mythical number three? Well, well, well, no, across. I don't think you're ready for the secrets of number three. Uh, so Rachel tells Nicholas, hey, I was friends with the real Rachel with Lucas' mom

and we had a fight because she wanted to sell Lucas and then when he was a baby and I said, no, he's too beautiful, don't sell him and then I accidentally killed her. And that or it's implied that she killed her accidentally in the fight. And Nicholas Kay just like, all right, okay. And they then drive through a radioactive zone. Uh-oh. The guy your counter says, actually, there's not that much radiation. It was a trick.

They didn't want people going to this place for some reason that I don't get. Yeah, I've never made clear like why everyone thinks that this place for some reason that I don't. Yeah, I don't get it. It's never made clear why everyone thinks that this place is a radioactive zone and then it's not. And who's spreading this and why there aren't more people in the non-radioactive zone. And it's like, we just, we mentioned it before, we just watched for the bonus episode Star Trek V with the greatest generation guys.

And it's exactly like when they're going through the Great Barrier to find God at the end of the movie and they're like, no one's ever gone through this barrier and then they're just like, I guess we'll go through this barrier and they do it just perfectly fine. Yeah, Nicholas Cage has more trouble with his car driving than they have with the enterprise going through the Great Barrier. It's really weird because it's like, I guess it's supposed to be like, the government didn't want people to know about this place where there are still trees and snow because they know there's resources, but it's like the whole reason the humanity bureau exists

is because it weren't enough resources. So if there were, why are we doing this? Like, like why are we doing this? Yeah, it's not like the new eat and lie. Like maybe running death camps, like provides something for them, like it would make sense if they were eating them because at least they're creating a resource. But otherwise it's like, yeah, okay, run away. Then we don't have to take the time to turn in to ashes. Well, there are things like, oh, if you live out in the wasteland, okay, like you're not getting any of our resources anyway, it's, I guess what I'm saying is they didn't put,

yeah, we were saying they didn't put a lot of thought into the creation of this dystopia. They reach a heavily wooded forest, uh-oh, Baldi in the federal agents, Westinghouse in the agents, they show up and catch on to them and Westinghouse like, give me the memory card with the proof about New Eden and the kills Rachel kind of gratuitously and he steals Lucas and Nicholas Cage says let the boy go, I'll give you the memory card if you let the boy go and he does though he lets the boy go and Nicholas Cage is like run, run into the trees Lucas, which is hilarious because it's like you know this kid's gonna die like instantly right?

Like how is he gonna get his, you know, think he's gonna become mogly all of a sudden, like he doesn't know how. Yeah, I mean, maybe maybe red hatchet as a kid and knows all about that shit. Yeah, but he doesn't have a hatchet Stewart. How is he gonna survive without a hatchet? No, fine one. I don't know. He knows a lot of Molly Hatchet songs with that help.

I don't know, Molly Hatchet. Their album covers always sold me off unfair bill of goods there. Their album covers looked awesome and their music was. Now, here's the part where Westinghouse shows that he's not that dumb. Is he's like, let me just check this memory card right here in front of Nicholas cage. Hey, it's blank. You tricked me.

And he just shoots Nicholas cage in the head. Lucas runs back and the feds are like, why did you come back and a sniper takes out all the feds? Uh oh, there were rebels in the hill in the forest that Lucas found. I guess he stumbled on them when they were what tap and trees for their maple syrup. I don't know. Yeah, there's there's two questions here. Like number one, why does Weston house upon finding out that there's nothing on the thing? Just shoot Nicholas Cage rather than be like, all right, where's the real information? And number two, like those snipers came in a little late, you know, they could have shot them maybe before they killed Nicholas Cage and Rachel. Yeah. But possible.

I mean, they might have been like, I don't know. Rachel's Rachel's a murderer. I thought we already covered that. Okay. So, true. True. Killed Marcus's mom. Arch justice from Stewart. Uh, now the next scene is Lucas with the sniper and his female compatriot. It's not, I guess, you're supposed to assume they're married. I don't know. In their ski lodge, they live in a very nicely appointed lobby of a hotel in Aspen.

And it's like, if this is what life is like outside the city is then yet like, okay, great. Let's do it. Let's not live in the cities. Like what? And they take Lucas in and they go, do you have any idea where the real memory card would be? Hey, guess what guys? It's in the only object that the movie spent any time talking about the rabbits foot There's it's sometimes this world you got to make your own luck always bet on black or in this case Lucas

and The they play the memory card Which has a message about New Eden from Noacross, where he just says, like, it's a death camp. Watch out, don't believe him, blah, blah, blah. This message, and it's one of those things where it's like, so Noacross, instead of using the original memory card

that was given to him, or maybe he recorded over it with his own message, because he thought he was a better communicator, he took my course. Why didn't he just, why didn't he then not tell everybody along the way? Oh yeah, New Eden's a death camp. Like what was he waiting for? What moment did he leave with this? I mean, not to get ahead of things,

but like the next thing is they cut to like hilarious stock footage of riots. Yeah. To indicate that this message has gone through the world and like everyone's, there's an uprising, but there's no indication that these rebels have Any ability to broadcast this message to the world like I don't know how that act that part of it happened I mean, I'm just gonna assume because they didn't get they didn't tell me that's not how it happened

I'm gonna assume it's the same way it happens in Johnny, Newmonic and they're in like Henry Rollins and And the other guys are just broadcasting it under on some kind of pirate TV radio station the symbol that you need to break out of the system You know, yeah, it's like in pump up the volume Yeah, yeah Yeah, sure or they live they break into the local TV station Yeah, yeah, yeah, now you're getting it or that rock and roll pirate radio movie that came out a couple years ago where it's like a Offshore oil drilling rig that they turn into a radio station Something like that.

Maybe that's what it is. Anyway, the board is... Or like an air head where they take over that radio station. Yeah, I'm pleased. I don't know if you want to remember it's air heads. I mean, of course you remember it. Comedy Central played it all the time. It played a lot.

It's, it's, it's, look, that was the movie that forged the bond between Adam Sandler and Steve Busemi that we are still reaping the benefits and rewards of today. Yeah, I saw some reason I saw air heads in the theater. I just want to confess that. I mean, I get it.

It was a good cast. You like Brendan Frazier. Dan, I saw the Jricyboys movie in the theater, okay? The only defense you need is that you were young at the time. Look, what's funny about the Jricyboys movie is that like, I don't remember anything except the very end of it. So it's very possible that me and my friend got the showtimes wrong, got their late, saw

the last 10 minutes of the movie and then left. And we're like, that's enough. That's all we need. Either that or I blocked out the rest from my memory. I don't know. So okay, yeah. As Dan says, revolution breaks out because people are, Nicholas Cage is word is all that I needed. That's, or it's really funny because it's like, again,

everybody seemed to know this was the case. They just needed like someone to, I guess, pop the bubble, you know, out loud. There's never a moment, there's never a moment in the movie where we see any characters talking about New Eden in a way that's like, that isn't totally silly. Like every time, the only person who talks about New Eden in a way that's like, that isn't totally silly. Like every time, the only person who talks about New Eden

positively, it's Nicholas Gage is about to send somebody there. Like, at no point is there somebody who's like, yeah, you know, maybe, maybe New Eden makes sense for us. Yeah, you think people would be like, this is the movie downsizing. Ha, ha, ha. Do you think people would be applying for New Eden? That's yeah, it would be like, at the same way that a spoiler alert for sorry to bother

you, that in sorry to bother you, people want to go into these kind of slave prisons that have been set up to by that one corporation so that they can have a home and meals. Like it's, they just, you know what, guys, we should have watched sorry to bother you. This is just a really good movie and the human hero is not a good movie. Okay. So revolution breaks out, free folk are streaming back into the cities so that they can get on some of that Fed killing action and dead Nicholas Cage

in his last moments on Earth, which apparently stretched the months that it takes for this revolution to take place. He remembers swimming at the lake. Or maybe the whole thing is what Nicholas Cage is imagining in his last moments on Earth. We don't know. We don't care.

Yeah, it's a fields of green and gladiator. Yeah, or a fields of gold in sting. Nope, nope. Nope. All right, well, after 11 years, I'm tired of this. You're definitely, definitely, shuts things down.

Let's do it. Can we compromise and say it's more of a Salzbury Hill scenario? Yeah, okay. Okay. Salzbury stakes anario. So that's the end of the movie. Nicholas Cage got them instant, the Nicholas Cage should have been more focused on getting the message out instead of

like helping this kid and the old order returneth, I guess, or perhaps a new order that's better than the old arrives. Who cares? It's the humanity bureau. For the flop house, I've been Elliot Caelin. That's the time. I'm still re-welling down.

No, that's not how we do it. We do final judgments. It was just a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie kind of liked. Yeah. This was This ranks high up on the list of boring movies we've done and by high you mean low, right? Well, I mean on the list of most boring. Yeah, it ranks high. I mean, you know that on the DVD of the of the humidity bureau, it's just going to say ranks high or ranks high on the list. Dan McCoy, the flop at.

Yeah. Uh, as I said, at the beginning, there's nothing to like distinctive about this story at all. We've seen it all before. It's all very predictable. Uh, there's no reason Nicholas Cage would have made this movie other than to fund his castles. Like, I can't see any other name actor reading the script and being like, yeah, yeah, this seems good.

I mean, Eric Roberts would probably be into it. Okay. I mean, ironically, Nicholas Cage is making the humanity bureau. So I guess I assume so he can pay back the IRS, the money he owes them. So maybe he's like, oh, I'm finally going stick it to him. This is really gonna say something about about how the government takes advantage of people. And it's like, um, and I mean, you didn't take, you didn't do proper accounting.

I mean, that's part of the problem. As much as I respect you as an artist. You know, I like the, I kind of enjoyed the first act of this movie. It's really silly and that guy has bread taped to his face. And everybody goes out of their way to say how pretty the female lead in the movie is, which is really strange. It is weird that people, like the only quality she has that anyone remarks upon ever is that she's pretty and it's presented as if

the movie thinks that it has to keep reminding us, which is weird. Yeah, it's like the way in reminding us, which is weird. Yeah. It's like the way in Triple X three, everybody has to keep telling us how cool the intercage is. Well, there, because if we don't hear it once every 10 minutes, we will completely forget. Well, they didn't, they didn't make this explicit,

but in this dystopia, there are no pretty women anymore. Oh. Oh. Okay. So this is, yeah. You're saying people, the movie Pretty Woman has been banned because it reminds people of a, of a world gone by. Yeah. That sounds like a big mistake.

Stuart, you saying that makes me so glad I went with a pretty woman movie reference and not a reference to the song Pretty Women from Swini Todd. Yeah. So yeah, this is a bad, bad movie. Don't watch it. It's is a bad bad movie. Don't watch it. It's a bad bad movie. It's worth watching, like Stuart said, the very beginning just to see how bad the car driving effects are.

But yeah, but don't watch it. Don't watch it. It's very boring. It's not, if you're going to watch, if you want to have fun watching a Nicholas Cage cash grab, there's much better options for you. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. better options for it. Both of his eyes are squid-sized. Yoga buffet. She was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life. Farm raised snow leopard. C'mon. C'mon. Don't know it today.

That's the beef and dairy network podcast from MaximumFan.org. Also, maybe start at episode one, or weirdly, episode 36, which for some reason requires no knowledge of the rest of the show. Hey, gang, this is Jesse, and I am joined by Bechrom, the Managing Director of Maximum Fun. Hi, everyone. So, we have some really amazing news to close out 2018.

After this spring's pledge drive, we gave members the chance to buy enamel pens with the full profits of those sales going to the National Immigration Law Center. This is a tough time to be an immigrant in the United States. As individuals, as a company, and as a community, we wanted to help provide resources for immigrants in the face of these attacks. We're proud to live in a nation of immigrants, and many of us here at Maxfon are immigrants or the children of immigrants ourselves. Together we raised over a hundred thousand dollars. NILC will put that money to good use, providing legal representation to immigrants and their

families who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford it. We are so proud of our community for making such an immense difference in so many lives. And whether you bought pins or not, you can help the NILC advocate for immigrants right now. All you have to do is go to maximumfund.org slash NILC. That's maximumfund.org slash NILC. Our thanks go to all of you who made this possible. Great work everybody. Happy holidays from all of us at Max Fun.

Yeah. That's the classic pause and yeah, as Dan, switches gears audibly into the next section of the show. Yeah, sorry. I just got text or something funny, which I saw as I was going into my phone to do ads and letters. I was so emotional.

I got my phone. Yeah. My text was some kind of funny gift. Yeah, someone doctored a photo of me and sent it to me, so just imagine that. I hope that friend is listening to the podcast and feels good about them so. Yeah. So, okay.

Ads. Sure, yeah. Everyone loves them. Let's do so. Let's keep the lights on. They certainly love them. This Lophouse is supported by Butcherbox. Butcherbox delivers healthy, 100% grass fed

and grass finished beef, rearranged organic chicken and heritage bread pork. Butcherbox is committed to raising animals humanely and free of antibiotic botics and hormones. Each box comes with at least 9 to 11 pounds of meat, enough for 24 individually sized meals. 24 meals, guys guys from one box. That's a great box to meal ratio. Can you imagine it? It's like the loaves and the fishes.

I can't imagine it for reasons I'll explain after day infinities. Okay, you can choose from five different box types. All beef, beef and chicken, beef and pork, mixed box or a custom box, which let you choose your own cuts. Mead is frozen at the peak of freshness and individual vacuum patch packed, biodegradable packaging. Hey, think of butcher boxes, your neighborhood butcher delivered right to your door. In a box. On dry ice with free shipping anywhere in the lower 48 states. It's a real midnight meat train.

Yeah, for free bacon and $20 off your first box, go to butcherbox.com slashplop and enter codeflop. That's butcherbox.com slashplop codeflop for free bacon and $20 off your first box. Have y'all been eating a lot of meat lately, right? I certainly ate the bacon. I haven't gotten to the beef yet. Let me tell you something.

Let me test to modelize. Let me testify to this. So, you know I love meat, perhaps too much, like Quinkan and in that one preacher storyline. But I love meat. And so, I was very excited to get a butcher box in the mail. It was a ton of meat. It was, I was so surprised.

It was a lot. And it was really good. Now my family is eating through most of it. I got to fry up some bacon for my son and we really bonded over this father son bacon moment. We were cheers in each other with our bacon strips. And we had, there was really high quality ground beef in there that we made hamburgers out of.

There was really high quality chicken in there that we ate. you don't need to know how we eat our chicken. We do it a couple different ways. And it's, and there was a couple other things to do that we haven't even gotten to yet because there was so much meat in it and it all tasted really good. And look, I love meat. I got high standards for meat and butcher box

exceeded those standards in a box at my door with dry ice, which is always fun because then you can pretend you're in a mad scientist laboratory. So, uh, here's a ad for the vegetarians in the audience. And it's about contacts. in part from simple contacts, a convenient way to renew your contact lens prescription and reorder contacts from anywhere in minutes. Needs a renew your prescription? Take a five minute vision test from your phone or computer. It's reviewed by a licensed doctor, you receive a renewed prescription and reorder your contacts. Have an unexpired prescription, just upload a photo or your doctor's information and order your lenses.

Now, simple context, want you to know, this isn't a replacement for your periodic full health eye exam. Okay. Now, you guys are eyeglasswriters, the contacts. I better believe it, my eyes are garbage. I can't seek crap without lenses of some kind. So, this is exciting to me because I've been thinking about, I used to wear contacts and it just became a real hassle.

It was hard for me to keep up reordering them. And finally, I was like, frigate it. I'll just wear one pair of glasses all the time and look like a total nerd-z-o-dork veil instead of the totally cool guy with super perfect vision that I appeared to be when I had conflict lenses on. Now that I'm- You were so radical back then.

I was so bad. Yeah, now that you're in LA, LA is such like a appearance-based culture, right? You just want to blend in with all the young stars. The minute I walk into a meeting, they see I'm wearing glasses and they say, no, thank you, please turn away. And like a rider wearing glasses.

Well, I never, and their monocle falls out of their eye, which I think is a little hypocritical that they wear monocles for their against glasses. Now, when I met my now wife when we were first dating, I was wearing contact lenses. If I was wearing glasses at the time, you're basically lying to her. I was giving her the lie that my genetic code included a good eyesight so that she would marry me so that when we've had children, they would have good eyesight in their genes. Luckily.

It was a lot like a Molly Hatch at Album cover. Yeah, exactly. Without contact lenses, she might have known that I was carrying flawed vision genes. She might have said, no thank you and the date would have been over right from the beginning. So contact lenses, they're important.

And anything that makes it that much easier to keep getting them and not run out is great. Yeah. Hey, get $20 off your contacts order at simplecontacts.com slash flop or just enter code flop at checkout. So that's a little deal for you. Okay. Thank you. That's great for anyone who uses it. Yeah. Steele's and deals. I mean uses it, yeah. Steals and deals. I mean, don't steal. Please don't actually steal the things. I believe each of you has a jumbo trying to read.

Do this. Does anyone want to go first? Let me pull up this bad boy. You want me to do this while you're pulling yours up? Hell no, I'm already. Okay. This message is for Graham. The message is from Matthew Hane

Dear Graham, it's me sludge Surprise beach. I know that it's been an incredibly tough year first with your diagnosis and then your heartache So I want to say what an honor it is to be pals with you You were a true friend when mum died and things got rough Thanks for all the beers yelling van purses and flop house sessions. Much love, Matt. That was very sweet. That was very sweet, aside from the biatch in there.

Yeah, I feel I'm sorry for whatever bad times the recipient has gone through. I hope that this your friend's jumbo tron salves the wounds. Mm-hmm a little Mm-hmm. Hopefully I didn't read it too sassy You can you can just write in let me know use the desacifying filter That comes with this program right at desacrassicide nurse nurse I had trouble pronouncing it because it's a word that doesn't exist. Hey, I've got a jumbo tron too It's made up out of real words. Hey, I've got a jumbo tron too. It's made up out of real words, so hopefully I'll read a little better.

This message is for Aaron, and it's from Jacob. This message is, congrats on your PhD, Aaron. Congratulations. It's been wonderful working with you, and I'm so excited to see where you will go in the future. Your intelligence and helpfulness is a real inspiration, as is your ability to skip like day and yet somehow out squat the entire lab. So this guy's got brains and bronze, that's amazing.

I am so grateful for your thoughtful mentorship as well as for turning me on to the flop. So another very sweet message. That's from Jacob for Aaron. Yeah, and if you want to get on the jumbo tron, go to maximumfund.org slash jumbo tron. People can hear about your squats. I've been looking for a way to inform more people

about my squats. Let's take some letters. Wait, before we do that, I want to know. Before we do that, before we do that, we're all right. Before we do that, look, we've still got a show coming up at the end of January, and

I just want to talk about it for a moment. We're going to be doing a show live at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, in beautiful, Wisconsin. That's right. My grandma's alma mater and my sister's alma mater. I got badgers in my family, and I'm very proud to be entertaining some badgers at the U of WM. That's going to be Saturday, January 26th, 2019,

the future, but it's going to be here before we think. Robots and hovercrafts 2019, that's at 8 p.m. Saturday, January 26th at the Wisconsin Union theater, Shannon Hall, University of Wisconsin Medicine, tickets are available online. It's a very complicated URL. So just do Google search for Flop House University of Wisconsin, it'll come up and student tickets.

That's, and that's, yeah, that's the last flop show ever. I mean, currently, currently, it's the last one, currently scheduled. We will do more. I haven't talked to you guys off air about this, but our agent did get back to us with some options. So I had to throw in that in this episode.

Wonderful. Student tickets only $10 to the flop house show, January 26th University was constantly mad And should we say what movie we're doing? Yeah, do it right now. Like are we should I mean We're sure it's gonna be available, right? I think so if it is if it is available for us to watch we will be doing Venom. Oh, yeah, that's right. My favorite Marvel character, circa age 13, finally in his own movie and starring Tom Hardy, how could it go wrong?

This is going to be a critical on financial success, Venom. I mean, it was a huge financial success. It was a big success and some critics liked it. Will we feel the same way? Let's find out on the most live Saturday, January 26th. It's Venom time. University of Wisconsin, Madison, get your tickets now. So let's do letters.

I said it before, I'll say it again. Now it's for real. Okay, with time. Now and forever, cats at the Winter Garden. This first letter is from Sebastian, last name with help. Okay, sure. Now Dan, normal. Dude in the voice. can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice.

I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice.

I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. I'm not sure if I can do it in the voice. Just imagine that song at home, everybody. Okay. Because I think it would go a little something like this. The letter C. The letter C. It's a letter in the alphabet, along with all the other letters, the letter C. And so forth. Okay.

So this letter from Sebastian goes like this. Isn't it weird that both unbreakable and national lamppoons, Annelhaus both end with post-scripts? I don't know, they're just such different movies. That it's weird that both Harold Ramus and Imnight Shyamalan both decided to include these in their scripts. Is there a movie you three have flopped that you wish included a post-script at the end

to inform you about what happened to a character after the credits have rolled? Yours and flop, Sebastian. Well, I think, I mean, I think the text at the end of Unbreakable was mainly there to maintain the absolute last moment twist reveal. Uh-huh. So they didn't actually have to have the movie go, like they want people to be like, what? And then immediately lead the theater. Yeah.

Which is like clearing out from the next show. That was, it reminds me of when I first saw the trailer for Unbreakable and the moment you saw Samuel Jackson's haircut for the first time, everyone in the theater erupted in laughter. So I kind of wondered at the end of the humanity bureau, I want to know what's going to happen to Lucas a little bit. Give me a post script, is he become the president of this new world, like a child king, I don't understand. But I need to know. What about something like Stan Bimy,

where you have a bunch of kids, getting in troubles, huh? I mean, you do find out what there is a post script in Stan Bimy. Wait, what happens? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You're like, they all live long lives. None of them go to Vietnam, right?

This question requires me to remember movies that we've done, which is a real problem. Oh, we talked about movies we've done. No, it could be any movie that we have flopped. I'm gonna say Humanity Bureau. I'm gonna take the easiest one that I remember. It's what we've done already. And I'll say this, I can tell you a movie that we didn't flop

that I wish did not have a post script at the end. It's called the imitation game. Oh, yeah, yeah. I did not need to be reminded that we call those thinking machines computers. Yeah, this thinking machine would grow up in one day we call it a computer. It was almost like, I wish it said it came up on screen, says the text says, we today we call them computers. And then another text says, we today we call them computers. And then another text comes that says, you idiots. So what's a Academy Award nominated film, the imitation game?

Yep. For writing. And what about like if there's a post script to the end of food fight, tell us what happened to all those characters? Like what's going to happen to Larry Miller's elderly out and proud Batman? Yeah, yeah, Dan. Well, I assume that because of the Supreme Court ruling allowing gay marriage, he gets married to his longtime paramour, Mr. Clean. Oh, okay. Oh, okay, I can see that. That would be very sweet.

And that would mean Mr. Clean, the people on Mr. Clean would pay more money for food fight too. Yeah, finally. More than more than the two bucks I assume they paid for the first time around. Was he in food fight? I don't remember at all. He's Mr. Clean's walking around in there, which food, Mr. Clean is not a food product, so it's a little weird that he's in there, but.

In fact, I would encourage you not to eat it. Let's put that in the tide pod category of looks delicious, but don't put it in your mouth. Yeah. Yeah. I got to apologize to our listeners because I don't remember most of the movies we watch a big surprise and can't really answer this question. That's okay. We can't help but some bullshit.

And I'm going to nitpick a little bit and say that Dan earlier when he said, Supreme Court decision allowing gay marriage. I wanna change that to- A holding? Recognizing the right of gay marriage. Yeah, well, okay. It's not like the Supreme Court was like, I'll allow it. The Supreme Court came around and was like, oh yeah, this is a human right

and we shouldn't deny it from you in a long time. Yes, you're right. I clearly I'm a bigot who, purposely misphrase. No, no, no, I clearly I'm a big hit who purposely Miss phrase no, no, no, I'm just trying to save your bacon bacon you get from butcher box if you use our code Yeah, all right This next letter is from Amos last name withheld in Andy Wow, this we are really stepping in it a lot today. Wasn't Nicholas Cage in that movie? He was in Amos and Andrew.

Oh, my mistake. It's, they're like, Amos and Andy live in Florida. We're Amos and Andrew. Yeah. He's right. I've never seen Amos and Andrew. Is it based on Amos and Andy that radio until now? No, they were, they were just going off the name recognition,

I guess, of that racist radio show. It seems really weird. Yeah, that's a bad choice all around. It's like, oh, we wanted to do this. It's a, we're doing this movie. It's called, it's called, birth of aeration. It's a comedy about rationing. Wait, so it's, and it's about, Birth of a Ration, it's a comedy about rationing. Wait, so it's, and it's about the clan?

No, why would you think that? Yeah. Amos Nanjus looks like a weird name for that. So what's it about? Is it an action movie? It's like a buddy comedy of some kind. I don't know, I'm just like the fox on the ground. Way back then.

Is it like Milo and Otis? It's like homeward on the ground way back. Is it like Milo and Otis? It's like homeward bounding incredible journey. Oh, okay. So it is like Milo and Otis. Yeah. Amos writes, I was listening to an old episode. Your review of the last Taylor Lautner video, sorry, vehicle, abduction, not like a VHS

tape. Okay. And that video, he put out on Twitter for his fans being like, this is Taylor, much loved everybody. Let's keep it loud. In that episode, Elliot said the movie would have been better if it had taken a sudden turn and Taylor Lautner had brought the statues in the Pittsburgh Pirate Stadium

to life to fight the villains. Yeah, I stand by that. It reminded me of a movie I saw earlier this year, sorry to bother you, which spoiler alert, takes kind of a crazy turn in this last half. Have you guys ever enjoyed a movie that completely changed tone and went wacky toward the end? Best regards and keep on flopping in the free world.

Amos Last name withheld. I mean, I think my favorite movie that kind of turns into a comedy in the last half is of course, to catch me a case audition. Yeah, I'm so excited. Splittingly wacky in the end. That's another movie I like to see post credits for. Oh, yeah, I can't hear someone say, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D without bursting into laughter.

Oh, yeah, I can't hear someone say, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D without bursting into laughter. Yeah, I feel like most sort of gear shift, gear shift movies, like shift gears into something serious at the end rather than wacky. But you could say, I mean, like, so I could, you could say that it's not the end necessarily, but you could say Gremlins II does exactly this, that it starts off as a kind of pretty straight

Aside from the part with Bugs Money and Daffy Duck are arguing with each other at the beginning. It starts off as a pretty straightforward Gremlins type movie and then gets crazy. And I let me and I've talked about Gremlins 2 I think on the spot it's for I love it. It was a very formative experience for me seeing it So like that's an example kind of but it goes like a third of the way into the movie, I think. And obviously from Dustel Dawn, like starts off as a fairly serious crime film and then turns into a wacky vampire comedy. It gets very silly. Yeah, but like I had a person at the bar arguing with me that from Dustel Dawn had zombies in it. And I was like, no, no, no, I assure you, it's vampires. I don't know much many things in this world. Yeah. But like most of the examples I can think of are things like something wild where it starts

off as kind of a lighthearted romp. And then like it gets like you're serious at the end. Yeah, I like to draw you in, right? To get. Yeah, and they dropped the other shoe. I mean, there's a movie that I did not like, but I did, I would have liked it more if it was more like the white getting that we watched for the flop house, that movie The Coplar, without him Sandler,

where it is not a good movie. And then at the very end, suddenly it's about a father and son coplar team that is in a secret spy war with what dry cleaners and they have having a secret hideout underground that with a super car in it. And it was like, wait, where was this movie the whole time? Like why could you listen to that? Why did I watch a movie where Adam Sandler gets in disguise as his dad to have sex with his senile mother when I could have been watching this movie about spies. Yeah. Yeah. Why indeed. Last letter from Leo last name with held.

Who you will see from the Barry boys, aka the dead end kids. The whole whole original peaches. I'll get the sad stuff out of the way first. And the last year, both my father and teacher father and law passed away unexpectedly. The day that my father went into the hospital, my close friend's dad died of cancer. Also, I broke my toe. An avid podcast listener, I decidedly turned away from any media that wasn't abundantly joyful,

which led me to the flop house. For a solid six months, you guys are the only cast. I could hold close to my heart. It was nice to find myself weeping from laughter rather than grief. This is always very nice to hear. So I... Yeah, that is very nice. I mean, it's not nice to hear that people are lost loved ones. No, definitely say that. So again, let's just clean up Dan's language a little bit, but it is nice to hear that we have helped someone through a hard time. Dan's not even speaking

off the cuff. There's a prepared statement. It is always nice to hear that the human population has been lessened. As Malthus warned us, it must inevitably do. Dan, please. It is very heartwarming to know that I'm like, I just read what's in the teleprompter. It's nice to know that we have helped someone in some strange way. But Leo goes on to it right. On an unrelated note, I've peddled the phrase boner police around my social circles for several years trying to find a home, but sitting at the floor.

Now this is the kind of shift we were just talking about. We started very serious and has become quite wacky. Who are the boner police? Are they law enforcement perpetually edging themselves from the thrill? Do they haunt illegal boners in a dystopic guncotta riddled future? I never solved the riddle, but on a recent episode, Stu Ball has dropped this phrase so perfectly. I should have known that some pursuits are best left to the masters.

So, Stu, yeah, I mean, this is about boner police. I think this letter about boner police brings up an important point about the humanity bureau. And that's if they wanted, like if they were going to be so wrote and by that I mean a movie written by people, that they should have just cribbed from equilibrium a little bit more, a movie that does exactly what humanity bureaus trying to do, but better because it has gun caught in it.

Thank you. This has been my prepared statement. Okay. I mean, I had last five boner police that I expected. Now you've played the fifth. Well, as to which lawyer, I'm going to advise him to take the fifth amendment when it comes to boner police on the grounds that what he says about boner police might incriminate him

in activities that the boner police would like to look into. Okay. Sure. Okay. Now, are the boner police, are they always getting to jerk? Now are they getting into jurisdiction dust-ups with the female body inspector bureau, or is it just like? Oh, all the time.

I would imagine, yeah. Yeah. Now what about... I mean, I feel like Les said's the better. I think I think my dumb mouth's already getting me into trouble today. So let's move along. What's the next part of this podcast, Dan? Okay, well, Stuart's bequest or request, I guess.

No, no. Store has, hasn't left us and now he's bequested us with this, with the same thing. Yeah, I mean, that's, yeah, my last, in my last gas, I ask you to do something different on the podcast. Well, it was his last wish, so we should honor it. Especially, especially, this is especially tasteless, uh, misspeaking after the last letter, too. Yeah. Now's the time on the podcast where we recommend movies you definitely should watch

instead of the Humanity Bureau. Mm-hmm. I just watched yesterday. I went out and in the theaters on the big screen. What theater was it? It was the Almodraft House On the big screen. What theater was it? It was the Almond draft house in Brooklyn. Okay. What do you watch?

I saw Spider-Man, into the Spiderverse. Yeah, Dan, the, Dan's the number one Spider-Man fan here at the flop house. We so mad. I want to see that movie and I can't. It's really. It's really fun guys. It's got our boy in it, which boys that Nicholas Cage. Oh yeah, yeah, if you want to say a good Nick Cage movie this cage

miss season, go out and see into the spider verse. I don't know, like what else to say about, I mean, like it's just, it's packed with story and fun and jokes and in jokes and heart felt feeling. It's just it's just a movie that you're surprised at how much stuff they can get into a movie watching this film and it all works really well and at the end of the movie it turns into like a crazy psychedelic light show with the beautiful animation. Spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert, Dan. Yeah, that's great. Dan and Dan, everybody listening at home, Dan's currently wearing a pair of those hard to get Miles Morales, Nike sneakers. Oh, yeah. Well, Dan's a real, he's a real shoe collector. He loves them.

I am a shoe collector. Yeah, yeah. You say that as a joke, he's a real shoe collector. He loves it. I am a shoe collector. Yeah, yeah. You say that as a joke, but I have so many shoes. Yeah, he's got a huge collection of Jordans all wrapped up in cellophane. I mean, they're not, yeah, they're not, I'm not a sneaker collector, but I, yeah. And you love the comic strip shoe about the conservative stuff. Right, about the cranky. Oh, no, that's, I'm thinking of Mallard Fillmore, the Kobyakov reporter bird.

Yeah. Yeah, that's one of the most Mallorj O'Moore, the Kobyakov reporter bird. Yeah. Yeah, that's one of the most inexplicable comics on the comics page and that's saying a lot. Is it more or less inexplicable than Funky Winkerbeen? I mean, the thing about Funky Winkerbeen, is that it's the absolute funniest comic that's ever been. They should call it Funky Winkerbeen, right? It's that for a Winker bean? What? He's not that funny. Can someone call the motor police to do with this winker bean?

For a winker bean? All right. No, but for a winker bean, you're saying he's not particularly funky. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's the. I'm imagining the world.

I think they put the car. I'm imagining a world that one. Where funky winker bean is so popular that they do a born parody of it. I mean, it might exist who knows. It's particularly for band teachers who want to watch some polo. Yeah. Now, here's the thing about funky winker bean.

When I was a kid, I would read the Sunday comics, but I didn't always read the daily comics. And so I'd be like Garfield, hilarious. Peanuts, I love it. Funny and heartbreaking. Like this far side, hilarious. And then I get to fucking Wickerbean, be like, okay, here's one panel of a character dying.

I don't, how am I supposed to take this right now? Yeah. So, well, you know, we've grown to love those characters so much over the years. All those famous characters, like the guy with the glasses, of course, we've grown to love those characters so much over the years. All those famous characters like the guy with the glasses, of course, funky winker being who seem to never actually be in the strip, the band teacher. Yeah, I think that kind of glasses was the band teacher. So we've asked the name two characters.

Guys, is that the comic strip with Bill the cat? Where he's always saying, Is that the comic strip with Bill the Cat? Where he's always saying, Ack, no, that's a one-county. Or Outland, I guess it's also known. Do you think that Bill the Cat and Kathy get mad at each other because they both have the same catchphrase? Yeah, they got into a big intellectual property battle over that.

There was, yeah, it was, it was Cat V, Kathy. And they went all the way to the Supreme Court And who did they who did they rule in favor of? They declined to hear it. Oh, so they went up to the federal level and then crock through them both in jail Rock Yeah, he's like a no, I remember rock What's I mean like a, no, I remember Brock. What's, I mean, like a prison warden, right?

Yeah. I mean, the thing is Bill the cat, we had a lot of nuisance lawsuits that he was filing because there was also cat V cap. He's lawsuit against Andy Cap. Oh, yeah. Yeah. About cheese fries. Anyway, who invented and owned the cheese fries trademark?

Someone else go. Okay, I'm going to recommend a movie that I have to throw a big old caveat in front. Okay. Because it's delicious. Yep. It's directed by a buddy of mine. Okay. It is the movie Leprecon returns the latest Leprecon movie that acts as a sequel to the original leprechaun movie, kind of in that like reboot, uh, sequel type thing, like the most recent Halloween. I like the most recent Halloween, or all the sequels. Or like superman in terms where it was like, this is a sequel to Superman too. Mm hmm.

It's exactly like that. And, uh, oh man, uh, Dan real quick. Can you type in your address into my phone so my wife can find me. This episode really getting a lot of fun outside world interruption do you want me to talk but don't don't don't no don't don't say it out loud because then people will know where we're currently at yeah so i'm gonna recommend leprechaun returns uh it's a fun little leprechaun movie it seems to understand that uh you know, Leprecon is basically if you... Wait, Stuart, I have a question.

Yep. If you don't know my address, how did you get here? Well, I didn't type your address in because I'm trying to do this fucking thing on the podcast. Oh, I got it. So I see. I can't do this. You're just delegating on the work. It's not that you didn't know my address. Okay. So, Stuart went into a trance and he asked his spirit animal, Spud's Mackenzie, where are you to find you?

I mean, I prefer patronus, but that's okay. So Leopardcon returns, it's basically, you know, Leopardcon is basically if you just take Freddy Krueger and only keep the like funny goofy parts, right? so It manages to be pretty fun not all the jokes land, but there's a lot of them The special effects are great. It's directed by Steven Kostanski who directed man-borg and the void to movies I like quite a bit and It you know it looks better than you to expect.

It's just, yeah, it's fun. Leopardcon returns. And like the fucking Leopardcon rides around on a drone for a while and a dude gets his head chopped off. It's wild. Yeah. Sounds fantastic. Delivers those Leopardcon thrills. I like the void a lot too.

Maybe I'll check it out with my limited movie watching time. Hey guys, but I watched a movie too. Let me tell you about it. I watched a movie I liked called Summer tell you about it. I watched a movie I liked called Summer 1993. Now I know what you're thinking. This is a movie about the release of Jurassic Park. I wish. No, it's not that's not what it's about. It's a Spanish movie from last year directed by Carla Simone and it's about a young girl whose mother passes away. And so she has to go live with her, aunt and uncle, and their daughter, who's a little bit younger than her. And it's a movie that's about someone,

like basically a kid trying to figure out what her life is like and what world she is in now, now that the things that she knows and is used to have gone away. And the performance by the lead girl is really, really great. And the story is told less in kind of like straightforward one after another scenes and more in kind of like moments that this kid is going through. And it feels like they capture really well kind of like a child's perspective

on the world and on the events going on. It really reminded me of what it was like to be like a 10 year old kid trying to make sense of like what adults are doing it to get any given point like why I can why certain things are okay and certain things are not okay and I just thought it was really good. So that's summer 1993, but watch out. It's not about Jurassic Park. It's not about Jurassic Park and it's not in English. So get ready to read some subtitles, but I thought it was really good.

Yeah, I mean, if you're one of those folks who wants to watch a movie and not read a book, maybe you shouldn't go see it. Yeah. Okay. I kind of petered out at the end. I mean, it's less reading than a book, certainly. I don't know what kind of books you read, too. I mean, it's more reading than horse meat's dog.

Hey, it is. That's true, but that's a children's picture book that's in stores now. It's a best seller at the Reader's Bookstore in Sonoma, California. And it is, you know, it's just a fun book about a horse and a dog. I wrote it, the great Tim Miller drew it. It's on shelves now. Why not get one for the child in your life or the person who's young at heart in your life or just buy it? I don't care who you give it to, just like send it to a prisoner.

I don't know. Throw it in the ocean. Like as long as you pay for it, it's yours. You own it. Do what you want with it. I hope you read it. But like, I don't know. I don't know what you're going to do with it.

Just pay for it and buy it. Know it. Strangely libertarian ending of that message. Elliott, the, why not for the second printing? Why don't you rip off that uh... john stewart quote on the front and ad dan's quote less for less reading than a movie with subdietals you're right i think that'll get more people interested in the one by john

steward that calls the book delightful so uh... i think about it horse meets dog on shelves now summer nineteen ninety three i watched on the canopy at but it's available other places too. Before we go, we should always remind you that there are a lot of great shows over at MaximumFund.org or podcast network. And if you want to spread the word about the flop house, write us a review on iTunes or tweet about us with, you know, a hashtag and an appropriate hashtag. Probably the flop house podcast or flop house podcast, let's use hashtag Flop House Podcast. And yeah, I don't, tell people about it.

You can be at the gym and somebody's like asking why you're cracking up and you're like, cause I'm listening to this super funny podcast buddy. And he's like, okay, let's keep working out. Oh. And if you see one of us walking around, feel free to come up and tell us you like the podcast. That's not the same thing, but it feels nice.

I was at a place that just this past weekend with my step, with my father-in-law and my son while the ladies were off having a baby shower. And a guy walks up and goes, is your name Elliot? I recognize your voice in the flat-pouse, so listen to it. And it made me feel a hundred feet tall, which for a guy like me who is roughly two feet tall, is a great sensation. But even better than that, write us a review on iTunes or wherever you listen to your podcast

or tell people about us. Yeah. In a good way. Don't tell people about us in the way of like, don't listen to these guys, they're terrible. Yeah, maybe keep that to yourself. Yeah, or if you're like, if you listen to this podcast, you go insane in seven days.

Don't tell people that. Yeah, I mean, it's not true, but I'll say that I feel like that would drum up interest. That's true. I guess, yeah. In a kind of a bird box way where people are like, Oh, now I've got to listen to it. Yeah. So another case Mrs. coming gone. Oh, man, but don't be sad. Next year. It's so hard. that moment when you take down your cage misdecorations, you're cleaning up all the wrapping paper from your cage's presence.

You have to shoe Nicholas Cage back up the chimney out of your house because he started living on your couch. And, you know, you just say goodbye until the next time. But we've got a whole great year coming up ahead of us, guys, 2019. It's going to be good stuff. There's going to be lots of crap movies for us to watch. Aren't you excited?

I can't wait, Elliot. I mean, we haven't even watched Gaudi yet. Yeah. Oh, I'm so excited about that. You guys, how have we not watched Gaudi yet? Why couldn't we have the stage have been Gaudi so that we could watch Gaudi this month? Neeson Gaudi, too.

Yeah, I think that's probably the next one. It's a top-sortee series. I think that's probably the next one. We've put it off long enough. Just so, so. Old's probably the next one. We've put it off long enough. Just so so a little teaser for the next episode. But for now, we should sign off this episode. Uh-huh. I've been Dan McCoy. Yeah, you have. All right. And I'm Stuart Wellington. Okay. And I'm Elliot Kaelin, saying, Mary Cagemas, one and all. Bye. I had to put Stuart's hair out at one point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But at the at the groom's request, I insisted that Dan McCoy cancel whatever plans he was doing and come to this bachelor party. And I think you showed up after, I don't know, like the 10th round of shots, it feels like. So I was probably really fun to hang out with. I was talking to Stu and he put his head down on the on the bar and he put it over a candle. And I pulled his head up because it started smoking and I started clapping it there. Wait, I think you said that wrong, Dan.

It started smoking. And then Stuart said, somebody stop me from imulating myself. fun.org. Comedy and culture. Artists Don't. Listen or support it.