The Flop House - Ep. #275 - The Meg

Episode Date: January 19, 2019

It's Jason Statham and a giant shark. Whaddaya need, a roadmap? We discuss The Meg. Meanwhile, Dan reveals a surprising science fact about Meg Ryan, Elliott reveals that Swamp Thing is the ideal male body, and Stuart's feet have a surprising superpower. Wikipedia synopsis for The Meg Movies recommended in this episode: Easy Living Rust Creek Can You Ever Forgive Me

On this episode we discuss the Meg! Welcome to Jurassic Shark! Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, it's me, Stuart Wellington. Elliot Kaylin, back atcha, doing what I do. What is it that I do, guys? I don't know, but whatever it is, it ain't pretty. Uh huh. Oh no, not at all.

Dan, what do we do here on this podcast? Okay, well, right in second way, guys. Yeah, second way, stew, they call them. Firing on all cylinders tonight. Yep. We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Oh, heck yeah, we do. And did we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Oh, heck yeah, we do.

And did we watch a movie today, Dan? Well, we didn't watch it today, you know. Why do I smell toast? You watched it. Yeah. We watched a movie called The Meg. The Meg. Short for Meggie Jill in Hall.

No. That's her name. Short for Megabyte. the villain from reboot, the old CG cartoon, sorry, Morning Cartoon Show, because this is like the gritty reboot of reboot and they started to spin off about the villain, mega bite. No good. Okay. Wow.

Is the animation any better now? Or do they intentionally like lower the animation quality to food fight standards so that we could So people who are nostalgic for the original cartoon would feel connected. Oh the animation is actually worse than the original cartoon. Oh cool. Okay. Yeah It's just a guy with a couple of paper cutout dolls actually. Yeah. Yeah. It's called Balinese shadow puppetry Dan It goes back thousands of years. It's a rich folkloric tradition But we're just kidding. The Meg is actually about Meg Ryan, star of French kiss, sleepless in Seattle, in the cut.

Yeah, the movie everyone thinks of first, when they think of Meg Ryan in the cut. I mean, certain guys think of in the cut first when they think of Meg Ryan. Yeah. So Dan, what are we doing this five? Yes. We said it already. Why do you keep doing this?

Uh, like you got a stroke. Dan, are you having trouble? What's going on? Are you having okay? Yeah, Dan, you're getting real mad. You're a fine day. I just, uh, you guys, I'm not really mad at you. You're mad at me.

You're mad at me. You're mad at me. You're a top-of-the-view. You seem upset about the reveal of the hallmark movie you were watching when I came in. Yeah. What movie was that? It was a movie. It was a two hour long television show, though.

It sounds like a movie to me. It was about... I don't know if you didn't realize this, but TV is the new movies. That's where the real stories are being told. Yeah. It was about... I came in in the middle. It seemed to be about a woman who used to be a prosecutor

And now is a therapist, but she still somehow solves mysteries with the police So I'm not sure how that works. I think she solves mysteries using her acumen of the legal system and her natural tenacity Well, no, okay, I Stand corrected. I understand how she solves mysteries. I don't understand why she's solving mysteries Okay It's just hard to get out of that life, you know, yeah I stand corrected. I understand how she solves mysteries. I don't understand why she's solving mysteries. Oh, okay. It's just hard to get out of that life, you know? Yeah. She has that tattoo on her tummy that says, question mark life in Gothic script.

And she's, you know, it's hard to leave that mystery life. So guys, we watched a movie called The Meg. We're gonna talk about it. This movie is not about Meg Ryan. Unless Meg Ryan is a giant shark. Is she? We'll find out. I mean, I haven't seen her in a lot of movies lately. Like, did she become a shark? about Meg Ryan, unless Meg Ryan is a giant shark. Is she? We'll find out. I mean, I haven't seen her in a lot of movies lately.

Like, did she become a shark? Yeah, did she do like a Benedict Bander snatch type CGI adventure? Like, like they did for Smoug. Most of her body is made of cartilage. So. It's true. That's true. She shares a lot of DNA with sharks as we all do.

So he's been hitting Meg Ryan's IMDB profile page. Yeah. It's rich trivia made of cardolids. Now, the Meg is a story about a giant shark that attacks people. And it's like, I wonder why this is such an original story. How have they never made a movie about a big shark that attacks people before? Dan. Wait, what?

Why? I was in the middle of a something. Why do you redirect towards me? I thought you might know the answer. I know it's made that giant shark. What Stewart just what Stewart just did is called passing the ball. It's an improv thing where you yes and what I just said by which I mean you agree with my premise that no one has ever made a giant shark movie. The joke being that of course there are many shark movies. The most famous being jaws and its sequels. A very famous movie that at one point was the most successful film of all time

and then you would and it by then adding to this hypothetical situation the irony of which is of course that the audience is fully aware that jaws exists and that we're having a little bit of a goof now steward passed the ball to you it's much like game of basketball we're in you're in the middle of the sentence in a bit and Stuart interrupted it to willfully redirect me who had nothing to say and was distracted by cat on the table. You're probably thinking about Orca the killer whale and you're like, is that a shbada shark?

No, I think in the title it says killer whale. That's not a shark. You were thinking about the movie swimming with sharks starring your favorite actor Kevin Spacey. You love him as the movie swimming with sharks, starring your favorite actor Kevin Spacey. You love him as much today as you always say. I'm starting your favorite actor, Frank Waley. I mean, I do love Frank Waley. Like he's a really good actor.

Who's good? Now, it raises the question, have I seen Frank Waley live on stage in a play? Yes, I have. In a play with Marissa Tome. Anyway, we don't need to get into that, but it was a wall of Sean play with one of his earlier plays. Okay. So Dan, shark movies. Anyway, we don't need to get into that, but it was a wall of Sean play. It was one of his earlier plays. Okay, so damn Yeah, shark movies. That's your favorite shark movie. If you say the Meg, I'll be very surprised

I Mean it's jaws right it's gotta be jaws. I think you mean a shark tail Okay, sorry, I think you were they get when you said I was thinking of a shark tail. Yeah I think you were they when you said I was thinking of a shark tail. Yeah, so the Meg is a It's like not really a thriller because it's not it's an action movie and it has all the excitement you expect from a movie directed by John Turtle Tub director of such thrilling action films as cool runnings and while you were sleeping and Disney's the kid Uh-huh now Here's that here's I'm gonna spoil I feel like when you have a name that looks a lot like Turtle Tub, you're not, you're not gonna be known for doing speedy action adventures.

No, but they probably thought that he was good for things that live in water. That's true. Yeah, yeah, like a tub of turtles, like on, you know, on a street in Chinatown that someone's selling. Just full of water and there's turtles in it. Get a guy who knows water. Yeah. Now, let me just say something with this The Meg is a movie about a giant shark that is not scary at all. You guys feel that that it was it ever scary?

You know, Ali, I think this is my rule of thing of things being too large. I need to catch your name for that rule But let's just go with the rule of things being too large right now. Let's call it a dance fear of large rule. Yes. That's not any catcher. You're right. What's a better name for it than I mean, it could just be McCoy's law, which is that if a thing gets too large, it's not scary anymore. We're about a tumor.

What? A tumor about a tumor. A what? A tumor. Oh, a tumor. Yeah, all right. Well, what about a national deficit? You found the exception that proves the rule. But you're right.

I think you're right that once the shark is ludicrously large, it's no longer scary because it can't hide. Yeah. The Meg is a movie where the shark can never like sneak up on somebody because it's the size of a train. Oh, I believe this movie proves you incorrect on that one. I guess you're right. It's, but these are very dumb people in the movie.

Could we just jump into the water? Yeah, yeah. Let's jump in the deep end. Knowing that there's a giant Meg in it, which is of course, as we all know short for Meg and McCain. Yep. Megan, Megan Malally. Uh, let's, let's jump in like former professional diver Jason

Statham dives into the movie. Yeah, he was her and and and competitive swimmer. Jason Statham in real life. So that was the most interesting thing about this movie was meeting about Jason Statham as a competitive swimmer. Oh, he was younger. Okay. The movie starts when Jason Statham and his character,

Jonas Taylor, because I think they needed a character whose first name was an anagram for the actors first name because he kept not knowing when it was his turn to talk. Mm-hmm. They would be his character. So I assume they were like, Tom, what are we going to do? And he would just be staring off into space. Jason, Jason, we need a name that sounds more like Jason.

What are we going to do? I mean, I probably want to tie it in with like Joan and the whale. Oh, yeah, good point. And also the Jonas brothers. Oh, I'm can only assume. Yeah. So Jason say them, Jonas Taylor, he's investigating a maritime wreck that has some survivors inside it. It's at the bottom of the sea. He's a deep sea rescue diver. But uh oh, something starts attacking the sunken sub that they're going in. And Jason say to them as to leave some of his men behind to save the rest, and he's accused of cowardice by a Dr. Heller who is also.

We're having, we're having like a deep madness. Yeah. And now like, the person I was watching this movie with, they pointed out that the, was they were named Meg, was it Meg Ryan? Yeah, it wasn't Meg Ryan. And I, she like, Oh, am I in this? Great. I love watching this.

I mean, like in the cut. I kept poking her to make sure that I was right that her skin was made mostly of cartilage. And I was. Okay. But, you know, she pointed out that the submarine that the rescuing, the people from blows up immediately after the rescue happens.

And the guys like, we could have saved everyone. Why didn't you save everyone? Just like, we can see with your eyes that the summary just fucking blew up like immediately after this happened. Yeah. I don't know. It just seemed like this guy spends most of the time judging Jason's faith and for no reason whatsoever.

What is? I feel like there's plenty of other reasons to judge Jonas Taylor. Yeah. Well, he's the character who exists only to help put, only to not believe the main character. I mean, Jason says and does say that a giant prehistoric shark or some kind of giant monster attacked the sub.

And he's like, ah, you imagined it. You, you're just a scary, you're just scared of everything. But that character basically just exists. So Jason Statham can have like a critic that he has to push back against. Uh, much like I assume he pushed back against the critics who saw the Meg, who I don't think gave it very many good reviews. Okay, uh, then cut to, I guess the present or the future,

it's on the air. Yeah, it's five years later. It is five years later. Okay, uh, uh, uh, There's a helicopter that flies to an off-sword research station using at minimum 100 different shots. It's like that part in Taken where Liam Neeson jumps over a fence and they use like 15 or 16 different shots. It's like that with this helicopter. It's just like so many different shots this helicopter and you're like,

I get it. You rented a helicopter. You wanted to make the most of it. Okay. Sometimes, sometimes it requires a lot of different angles in order to make, uh, to make Liam Neeson's body appear like it's moving at any kind of speed. Uh, now in the helicopter's delivering rain Wilson, who is a billionaire, who has been funding a marine biology station run by a doctor Zhang and his daughter who is a marine biologist and his daughter's daughter Who is a little girl who is somehow at a marine biology underwater experimental station. Yeah, that is at risk of being attacked by a giant shark I mean Ellie you know how much it costs to have child care Yeah, that's true. That's very true. She's a single parent, Elliot. Her husband ran off with a Pilates instructor.

Yeah, they do make that very clear. I mean, it's, I mean, maybe it was take your daughter to work life. Oh, man. Good thing you weren't on that research stage and they would have been cracking up. Oh, they would have been, I mean, I would have been like, it's good thing we're under water because there's a lot of burns going on down here. So anyway, they look at some way else to impress the billionaire. And the billionaire is introduced to the whole crew of the station at once. It's a ton of characters to get to know. Yep. And I'm not going to bother naming them now.

There's a sense, but I will mention there's like, there's just a whole crew people. Meet them as we go on. Anyway, he has been funding their investigation of the Marianas trench, which Dr. Zang believes is actually deeper than anyone thinks, and that what we think is the floor of the marionist trench which doctors and believes is actually deeper than anyone thinks and that what we think is the floor of the trench is actually a layer of some kind of chemical that traps heat and holds underneath at a hidden lost world of gods and monsters and a cool a a a aquatic savage land if you will yeah which is something that he explains to the billionaire

and i'm just like what has the billionaire thought he's been funding? Like, why does he need to? He thought it was like the next Snapchat. Yeah. Like, uh, this will let people send pictures themselves underwater and put animations on it, right? Uh, yeah, sure.

I'm going to, I think we should go IPO. Before we do that, why don't you fly over and see what we actually do? But yeah, you think you would know all that stuff. There's a lot of maritime exploring that you see, and they go through that barrier, and they find, oh, it is a lost world, there's lots of fish here. And for a while, I was like, oh, did James Cameron make this?

Because it's certainly things we love seeing coral and fish, forever. And the music is like, makes it, is like, huh, like it's, as if this is the most amazing discovery. When, to be honest, I couldn't tell the difference between what they found and the normal bottom of the sea. It was like, I couldn't see what you were talking about.

They weren't introducing any kind of like deep sea life that we haven't seen before. No, there weren't like mermaids and like narr octopus's or anything like that. I mean, I feel like the music was mainly there because if you look around, there's no garbage to be seen at all. You're like, oh, wow, the sea's clean again. This is amazing. It's not full of tires. I guess that was that's worth a miracle sound. Uh-oh, something attacks the sub and disables it. It's 11,000 feet underwater they only have 18 hours to save it

before it runs out of oxygen. Only one man's ever pulled off a rescue that deep. Hey Dan, one guess who it is? Jimmy Stewart, America sweetheart. Jimmy Stewart. Let me out that trend. Not a character, but the actor Jimmy Stewart. They have to dig up his body and reanimate him

so that he can reenact his amazing dive deep sea dive rescue that he did, I guess, between the making of the man who knew too much and vertigo when he was, you know, an older man, but he was in that private life. And so he's like, wow, I see you got a problem with a submarine of the blah, well, the ocean. What were you doing down there looking for some kind of lost world? And they say, oh, no, yeah, you we went through this barrier and there's a whole warm world down there It's volcanic vans and stuff and he's like well as you'll find any interesting new types of life and they go no It looks exactly like the rest of the ocean

He's like well that was a waste of my time and he killed himself So he wouldn't help them with the deep sea time so no of course it's Jason statham which brings up a problem I have with movies like this which is like the whole opening sequence like Why does Jason Statham need to have a backstory with this shark already? Like can't the movie just be about how Jason Statham encounters a huge shark? Why does it have to be like some sort of redemption for his past Dan's TTIP this time it's personal.

No, I see. Yeah, also, uh, PYT personal young thing. But it's, I think that's a good, well, it's because they want to set up the idea that Jason Statham is now a wreck of a man. And he refuses the job because he's had this bad experience. But now they shape, he has a, yeah in a day. Yeah, they find him in Thailand. And he's in a bar just hanging out, look an amazing

drinking arguably one beer day, maybe two, but man, he's just so cut up and he gets on his little mini bike and he's driving through town like smiling at all the kids that are walking by. And I could. I showed us. We love you. You're the most famous man in Thailand.

I could have watched like 20 more minutes of this. I mean, it was the most entertaining part of the movie, but you're right, Dan, especially why do they go to all that trouble, then to show that Jonas is enjoying life and not really dealing with his demons at all. Yeah. It's like they're going through the motions of, oh, he needs a redemption story.

And also we need to have him be reluctant to take on this mission. But he does it right away. He barely rejects it because the captain of that submarine that got crushed. It's his ex wife, Lori. Ever marry someone who's in the same deep sea diving profession that you are. That just goes without saying, look, you never want to marry someone in the same profession that you're in. Unless I guess you're the Cohen brothers and you just work together so well that you get married or are you still or well, but you each have your, you have

your his and hers bars. Like I'll never get back behind the bar. Somebody's trapped behind the bar. It's your wife. Oh, I'm getting back behind that bar. Yeah. Anyway, in the submarine, they managed to get the lights back on in the crushed sub. But it attracts the monster, and Lori gets stabbed by something. I'm not quite sure what it was. I'm, I miss this because this is what is Googling our sharks attracted to light. Well, and that's, and something that is made clear apparently, I was reading about the movie, something that's made clear in the book is that living at the bottom of the ocean,

the shark does not have strong eyes, like it's eyes are very weak and it cannot handle sunlight. So you think it would go away from light, but instead it's attracted to it and wants to eat it. But I mean, you do have like angler fishes, use lights to attract fish to eat them. So I guess it might be attracted by light.

Now, Dan, you were saying, what did she get stabbed by? The submersible gets jostled around by whatever it is and she gets stabbed by it. Oh, whatever it is, it's the Meg, Dan. You don't believe it. What do you like, Dr. Heller? You're a Meg doubter. You're the Alex Jones of Megs is.

She gets stabbed by a screwdriver. Oh, I see. Like an art-shoose vodka. Yes. Well, I'm impressed that you're familiar with that drink, Ellie. I really only know it because they mentioned it. I think it a faulty towers up if the system. They do.

Yeah, in the absolutely Waldorf salad episode, I believe. Now, it's also the only reason I know that a Waldorf salad has apples and grapes and nuts in it, I think, is because they mentioned it in episode. Okay. Now, she's stabbed and they're leaking oxygen. Oh, boy, the biologist, the daughter of Dr. Zhang Suyun, she leaves her young daughter on the station so she can use a C glider to go after the sub. Stay them shows up, bonds with the prococious little girl

for a moment, and then makes his own dive. He sets his submarine to extreme danger, and then turns off the communication system even though they still work. He cracks open a bag of Doritos, slams the fucking power aid. Yeah, he does the do do and then just gets going. But they make a big deal out.

He's like, I'm diverting all the power to, I don't know, my boosters so I can drop faster. They're like, that's very dangerous. He goes, I'm cutting the comms, but then his sub is fine and also they can still talk to them. So it doesn't, I don't get what was happening there. Okay. I feel like this is a good time to address the quality of communication equipment in this movie. They go deeper than anyone's ever gone before.

And they have crystal clear fucking coms. Audio and visual. Yeah, it's wild. They have better reception at the bottom of the ocean than you and I and Dan have with this Skype call. Like, yeah. Like, and it, with this Skype call. Like, yeah. Like, and it, but I think maybe. So what you're saying is that they should just start a podcast.

Yeah, it should be called, I don't know, I believe they need, first they need, first they need three white guys. And they have to send them to the bottom of the ocean to talk about, I guess, like unsolved crimes or like true life murders. And they call it like, and they call it like soggy corpse boys or something like that. And they're like, here's something that happened to real people. And they, it ruins their lives.

But we think it's kind of funny. And we've never really dealt with too much conflict in our own life. So we don't empathize with them. Anyway, or maybe it's called like, it's called like a Chappau subhouse. Oh wow, they live in a shot. They're underwater and they have very strong feelings about politics that are like not always rooted in fact, but then who's on?

Anyway, so like, they have this movie, it's so, the technology in it is so shiny and so perfect that it may be wonder it looks more like Star Wars stuff. It like it looks like they're on what's the what's the cloning planet that they go to in the prequels? Come in. No, they it looks like they're on El Camino and like they have just Amazing shiny. This is the shiniest movie about a shark like it's hard to be scared of anything when it's so brightly lit everywhere, and everything is just so shiny and new looking. I'm not being funded by Rain Wilson,

the world's most unlikely billionaire. Yeah. They never explain why he's a billionaire, and he's also such a bumbling oaf most of the time, that it's like, I mean, like, he's a caricature of like a billionaire who doesn't shave and wears t-shirts and stuff, but the whole time I was like, I don't know what you had made money and I don't understand

it. Yeah. So we have a giant squid attack and then all of a sudden the giant squid gets killed and you're like, what could kill a giant squid? And Statham said, it's a it's a megalodon. It's the megal. It's a prehistoric shark. And they're not really, it's all pretty, I, the my note here is it's all prettyalodon. It's the Meg. It's a prehistoric shark. And they're not really it's all pretty I the my note here is

It's all pretty casual and not spook. You're scary Like there's no there's no real tension. It's just like a squid. Ah here comes the shark. Oh, it's a Megalodon Oh, okay. Well, we got this big shark to deal with what are we gonna do guys? It's kind of tough because you don't you don't see it next to a normal style shark right away So though at first I'm like, that ain't that big. That's actually that's a very good point. The scale of the shark until the end of the movie, I never really got a sense of how big it was for that reason. There's not a lot to compare it to in the ocean. And until the end when the shark seems to be about seven

million feet long, and it's just eating up an entire beach front with its mouth. Like that's I mean, this thing is like they should have made the shark so to be about seven million feet long and it's just eating up an entire beach front with its mouth. Like, I mean, this thing is not like, they should have made the shark so big that it was like eating islands and things like that. Then maybe it would be a little scary, but it just seems like a slightly larger than average shark and not like, yeah, it may.

If it was so big that like people started worshiping it and then you had to deal with sea madness and somehow it would like, it would spit out gold coins, and then people would harvest those gold, whatever. You know, you know, it was a bad day. And the only way to kill it is to jump up through its cloaca

and get to one of its three hearts. And you have to wrap a magic scroll that was blessed by a priest around it. But when you're deep inside its body, time kind of slows down. It enters a different dimension. Yeah, Yeah. Oh, and you're and the Meg uses its its mega shark brain to send all of your own fears back at you and make you really have the worst moments of your life. Very like, you know, into the at the end of into the spiderverse kind of. That's

basically what should happen inside the Meg spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Someone has to relive something at the end of it. Jason Statham he diverts the Megalodon with by firing some flares off and Suyun escapes back to the station. Great. Jonas pulls Lori into his sub and also a big guy called the wall. But their other crew member, Tashi, he sacrifices himself so he can get away. They can get away by the guy from heroes, right? Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah.

And so this was a moment where they lost one of their team, literally because when they first opened up the hatch, Jason stayed them like bullshit with his ex-wife for a little bit. They tell some fucking jokes. If they hadn't done that, they would have been fine. Yeah. There's a real lack of urgency with almost everything in a movie in the movie, but also especially with this last minute rescue while they are afraid a giant shark might come back to them. The Toshis destroyed. I think the sub explodes again. And Suyenne blames state them for Toshis death, but Dr. Heller apologizes to Jonas because there was a giant shark. He was right. And he goes, and maybe, goes, you may be a jerk, but you're no coward.

But it seems like someone always has to be like one person has to be angry at Jason Statham at a time, like they just subbed out one person for another person. Well, that's the law of conservation of anger at Jason Statham. Where Jason Statham can neither be created nor destroyed. There's a set amount of it in the universe and it has to be passed from person to person. And that's why, by the end of the movie, spoiler, Tsuyin is now in a relationship kind of with Jason Statham, but that's because the anger had been passed to me being angry at Jason Statham for being such a big star that I guess he could get this movie finally green

lit and made by being attached to it. The next day, Tsuyin apologizes to a just just shower Jason Statham, who is wearing a towel, and his body, I have to say, is frankly horrifying to me. It is, there's a certain point when somebody is, their muscles are so worked out that they no longer appear like a pleasing human shape. And I was like, how do I explain this body? Because I should say he's in really good shape, but he's not the shape. He's healthy, but the shape of his body is not good. Like it has some, his abs have some kind of non-uclidean geometry that I could not stare at

for too long for fear that I would lose control of my sanity and become not, but another gibbering victim of Jason Statham's abs. So did it strike you guys the same way or was it just me? I don't know. I mean, I took a picture and that's going to be my inspirational photo. I look at every time before I go to the gym. Oh, okay. That's fair. Then I apologize for what I said.

No, you can, you can feel that way. I mean, Elliot, sometimes you just have to suck it up and understand that's what an ideal male body looks like. I guess so. I just, I didn't realize that an ideal male body would be so like lumpy and very. Sure. Yeah. Very sure. It's got and vaguely. Sure. Yeah. Yeah, very sure.

It's got to be super vascular. Yeah. That's what we're all going for is that vascular look. Because we all want to look like swamp thing, but colored pink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, start with swamp thing and work backwards. Yeah.

So it's like, you go, I'll go to the gym and I'm doing my personal trainer and I'm like, they're like, do you have like, yeah, do you have like an ideal image? And show them swam thing and I'm like add a nose on to that and The first thing started sweating. They're like oh fuck. How am I gonna deal? How am I gonna give them face tendrils? How am I gonna remove remove his nose and also have all those root abegas growing out of his shoulder? How am I gonna? How am I gonna remove everything that actually makes him human and replace it with him being an sentient plant that just thinks he's human?

Yeah. And they're like, okay, well, we have a work at, we have soul cycle class that gets we in touch with the green. They're like, now, how open are you to just wearing a big rubber latex suit and pretending that it's your body? And I'm like, hey, whatever gets me the babes, am I right? And then I high five the personal trainer.

And then he goes back to the office and he's like, can somebody else handle this guy? Because I'm not into his toxic mask. Exactly. I have moral reasons for not wanting to deal with this. And eventually just becomes me being the guy who hangs out in the locker room, wearing a t-shirt, but no pants. And just kind of like always stretching and just kind of maybe even rolling deodorant

on my undercarriage in front of other guys. I do like the idea of a personal trainer who on the first like first session every time he's like, so we could work out or now stick with me. And then he pulls out one of those like fake muscle suits. And he's like, so we could work out or now stick with me. And then he pulls out one of those fake muscle suits. And he's like, you just wear this. He's like, now, okay, you just got the, you don't have the gold package. You just got the bronze package.

So you don't get the full suit, but I'll help you arrange this pillow under your shirt. So it looks like packs. And I'm like, it keeps falling. I'm looking like a belly. Hey, man, upgrade to the silver package. And maybe I can help you with it. Yeah, yeah. Maybe people assume it's a gas tank for a love machine. Yeah.

So I assume that's what happened. That's what like Jack Lillane would do, right? Yeah. So anyway, which Jack Lillane's name in Spanish just means the lane. Oh, okay. Okay, cool. Yeah. Wouldn't that be French? I mean, La LA.

Oh, okay, yeah, you're right. So you're right, in French though, it also means the lane, it's a cognate. So Sui explains to everyone else what a megalodon is with. I've done some pretty boss illustrations. Yeah, I was like eating things. What is this program that they're using?

I mean, Google insert, I assume. And I do like, I see to have I do have this cute up pretty quick. And they have, in the wall they're giving the speech about what the megalodon is and how they have to do it for their fallen brother, Toshi. There's a picture of Toshi in the upper corner of the screen. So you've got to remember him. Does they've already forgotten him? Now we can learn. So we've learned a couple of the members of the screen. You got to remember him. Does they've already forgotten him?

Now we can learn. So we've learned a couple of the members of the crew. There's Laurie, who's in the hospital now, Toshi deceased, the wall, who's a big fat guy with a ponytail. The other person I think we haven't met yet is DJ, who is the black member of the crew. And I'm just going to call out guys, there's a whole bit later about how he can't swim and he accuses someone else of being racist because he can't swim, it doesn't make sense,

I'm not gonna get into it, I got into enough trouble, unread it when I mentioned it, the humanity bureau, so I'm not gonna mention how totally crazy that stereotype is they played into it. Okay, so Rain Wilson is like, we need to go after that Megalodon and make money off of it. And Jonas is like, no, the Meg is unstoppable. Now, the rest of the movie is proves Jason Statham wrong

because the Meg proves to be completely stoppable. But also Rain Wilson gets proved wrong, and I guess we'll see how he gets his comeuppance. Now, while they argue this. But I'm also like, I'm a little unsure what Rain Wilson thinks is marketable about the way. I mean, maybe thinks it's, maybe thinks it's full of blubber oil and it can sell it for lamps. This is not like deep blue sea where they're searching for an Alzheimer's cure by like

enlarging sharks. Like, there's no inherent value in a large shark here. He's like, imagine the size of that fin. Imagine how much soup at a Chinese wedding. I could be serving if I had a fin that size. There's a around now's when they have a little sequence where the granddaughter of the head research guy, my young, I think is her name, is wandering through the glass lined tube hallways with

her light up shoes and light up toy that looks like a BB-8 without a head. And she's wearing little angel wings and she walks around and there's tons of shit just sitting around these hallways. It's like blocking her toy. And then we see floating up behind her, behind the glass, we got a creepy shark sneaking up on her and it's a giant megalodon face. And then it bites the glass and it's awesome, right? Yeah, totally, totally cool. And then it's okay.

I do like that we get like a little shark cam for a second where it's like the shark is sneaking up on her. Yeah, yeah. You're supposed to wonder who it is. Is that Michael Myers swimming through the water to get to the station? Dan, before we get the rest of the movie, I think there was a deleted, I actually watched the DVD and there was a deleted scene that kind of explains how he was going to make money where Rain Wilson makes a secret phone call to, there's like this person who's in the shadows.

You can't see their face and they're like, I need more cartilage. Get me more cartilage. He's like, I can get you a shark. I need more cartilage than a regular shark and then hangs up and she turns to its Meg Ryan. Okay. So that kind of explains how you're gonna be on the off the Meg.

And they were planning on throwing the title card up right there. Yeah, yeah. So, and that's why there's also deleted scene at the very end where we learn that she is breeding Megalodons and she turns camera goes I'm the Meg I'm the real Meg and then she cocks a shotgun for some reason So while they're arguing the shark tries to eat my ying or my young

I also forgot what her name is exactly that Meg is just attacking boats now on the open seas because she's loose like a goose and she wrecks a shark poaching boat and the good guys find it and it's like, they think there's some kind of, she did it on purpose for poetic justice. I love it. I love it.

I love it. I love the idea of turning the Megalodon into that kind of like horror movie villain who's also kind of a hero. Like, like, yeah, Freddie Groot is bad, but he also kills assholes sometimes. Well, and he's getting revenge on being murdered, although I guess he was murdered because he was a child molester. Really, there's no, there's no, there's no good people in the

Nightmare on Elastrate universe. Oh, wow, except, of course, who? His brother, Eddie Krueger. Okay. His brother Eddie Krueger. Okay, Eddie and the Krueger. Yeah, of the band Eddie and the Krueger. So now Jason Statham, he's got to swim up to the shark and hit it with a tracking dart. The Meg almost eats him.

One of several times that the Meg almost eats him. To the point where I think he's like Jan Ho-Hum almost eaten by a shark. Su-Yin goes down in a plastic shark tank to try to attract the Megan shoot it with full of poison, but it tries to swallow the cage and stay the mess of diving and saver. And you keep thinking the Meg is finally going to eat one of these characters. And up to this point, it's you, he like just will not do it. There's a, oh, I forgot. There's another, there's this woman who's like the hacker on, on board. Yeah, Ruby Rose. Ruby Rose, yeah. Ruby Rose, who is like, she's like your go to person.

If you need like a cool assassin or a hacker or, I don't know, a tattoo, a tattu, have her. Yeah. She's just kind of stepped out of Johnny, I mean, flop house listeners remember her from triple X return of Xander cage. Yes. And and John Wick to two shades of John Wick. Yeah, John Wick to blue orchid. Uh, and that's so the wild orchid. What was the blue one I'm thinking about? Blue Jasmine. Oh,

I guess John Wick to blue Jasmine. Now, which is about, which is actually about John Wick, his mental breakdown because after he turns in his husband for insider trading or whatever it was. Okay. So once again, Jason Statham's got a saver and almost gets eaten by the Meg. So you know, Jonas narrowly escape, but you know what? They catch the Meg. Then another Meg shows up.

Ah! So there's more than one Meg, so I guess what I'm saying. They have. They actually, they catch the Meg and they have it rigged up on a chain. And the wall is like taking a goofy novelty picture. Once again, the wall is the name of a character,

not like a physical wall. It's not, they didn't hold up a copy of the album, the wall, or anything. And it's not didn't hold up a copy of the album, the wall. Or anything. And the it's not this wall we've been hearing about the news, all these all this topical anyway. That so but then another mega shows up cap sizes the boat. DJ reveals he can't swim. The wall finally is dead, eaten by a shark like the giant meatball that he is.

And the shark. Let's let's uh... in by shark like the giant meet ball that he is a shark that's like he's fulfilled his destiny is a larger man to be in by shark let me just say a man that large has no right going into a submarine which by its very nature is a confined space that does not have a lot of air in it and to go into the ocean where he is essentially just a floating

meatball for a show. I'm seeing the first day of his personal training and the personal trainers like, but now we might want to consider option C. Why don't we lean into being a meatball? All right, I guess put it on the internet. Elliot thinks larger people should be eating by sharks. Dan, I didn't say that. Elliot thinks larger people should be eating my sharks. Dan, I didn't say that. I said larger people should not go into submarines.

That's the other thing. And that also to a shark's point of view, let's say you're a shark, Dan. You're just swimming around as I say, walking around. Just walking around on it. It's walking around like Jabber John, you're still pissed. And you see a normal human shape and you're like, eh, doesn't look like food to me.

And then you see kind of like a really big round guy. Your jabberjohn would be like, oh, I'm meatball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go and eat it. And then he'd have human blood all over his face while he plays with the Neptune's. When they're opening for Eddie and the Krugers, there's some kind of nostalgia tour. Elliot's trying really hard to convince us

that larger people should be eating like meatballs by sharks. Yeah, I don't know if it's working. Now why did Jabberchoy eat the other members of this band if he was gonna eat any people? Like they're right there. They've earned their trust and now he can snap the trap.

Do you know how long it took him to assemble just the right elements for that band? Oh, okay. It takes chemistry, it takes a shared sonic profile, but with a little bit of contrast, it takes getting characters who are very clearly knockoffs of the Scooby Doo gang because he didn't want to work that hard at it.

Yeah. If he's, at that point, if he's gonna eat them, then where does his band go? Does it become a solo artist? You really think anyone's going to buy tickets to go see Jabberjaw just wailing on the drums by himself? He's not ginger baker, Dan. He's no ginger baker. He's a shark. So you're saying people would pay money to see a shark play the drums. Yeah. Okay, well, that's a solid. That's probably very true. Okay, I'll give you that. Also, let me keep in mind also the shark talks and he sounds like curly

from the three stooches. You know, it's still be enough novelty for someone to pay for a ticket. What's that? Is there any additional novelty? Does occasionally a Martian character show up or a Captain caveman? Oh, yeah, he also, yeah, any, any Saul's mysteries and maybe he's a wacky racer, I don't know. Yeah. So, like at this point in the movie, we're about halfway through. And I think the movie's kind of leaning,

I mean, I guess we now have characters really starting to die. But like, it's also kind of leaning into this like romcom subplot right? Yeah, between Jason Statham and Suyun. Yeah, they're falling in love. Meanwhile Suyun's dad doctor Zang he's injured. He's not good and Dr. Heller who hated Jonas Taylor all this time sacrifices himself to save Ruby Rose from the shark And this is the part where as as Stuart said, the scariest thing happened

in the movie. I noticed there were still 40 minutes left. But yeah, they'll have all these characters die. And then they'll suddenly have the characters just kind of living characters banter with each other. Like a bunch of characters die. And then Ruby Rose is soaked from being in the ocean almost eaten by a shark. And DJ is like, hey, what happened to your hair? And I want heard me like, did you just see what the hell happened to me? I was almost eaten by a shark in the ocean, and then a man gave his life to save me.

But then you'll have Jonas. The guy who at this point is probably more necessary than her, because he, like they specifically say, we need a doctor, and then the doctor's like, my life is better given as a shark treat. It's like, I better save this hacker so she can be in other movies as a cool dude. They all leave on speedboat rafts. Now, and the speedboats were procured by Jason Statham's friend named Mac, which I think

if you're going to make a movie called the called them the mag probably not name another main character Mac because they sound very similar. You're saying each time he said Mac you thought he was talking directly to the mag and asking him to help. You're like they should have called this movie the Mac and been about him. There's no been no movies called that right of course. This is the studio note that Stewart would have got given. there's been no movies called that, right? Of course. This is the studio note that Stuart would have gotten.

It's just like otherwise script is perfect. Perfect. See, I think you should have steered into it. It should have been Mac, Mick, Nick, Rick, and also a character named Oleg. A character just named Legg, like Legg's Diamond. It's like reading fire and blood where you're like, how many agons do I have to fucking read about?

How do I keep them all straight? Yeah, exactly. So, Rain Wilson calls me helicopter to shoot at the second mag with like an oozy. That doesn't help. Dr. Zang dies after a father-daughter moment where he recognizes that he's proud of her and that she hurts her past him in her science. Everyone is mourning and they want, also they're mourning and they also want Jonas to date Suyun.

And so- He gives her the matrix of leadership at this point, right? And then she becomes Suyun prime, I guess. Yeah, exactly. This is one of those scenes where it's like, the little girl is like, well, my grandfather died. Jonas, you gonna hit that? By which I mean my mom?

She's thirsty. She's so thirsty. You think being around all this water, she wouldn't be so thirsty, but it's salt water. She can't drink it. Also, sex. She wants your D, Jonas. And Jonas is like, you're a little girl

and your grandfather just died. Why are you talking to me like this? She's like, I'm the kind of dirty talking little kid that people love in their movies. She doesn't actually say that stuff, but she does want Jason to say them to have sex with her mom. Uh, meanwhile, drain Wilson is like, okay guys,

let's not even deal with this anymore. I've told the Chinese government that there's an enormous prehistoric shark off it. There it's coast. They're sending some destroyers to attack it. And I'm like, thank you, drain Wilson. You're a good man, despite being a capitalist. He's not a good man.

He goes out in the middle of the night and has a helicopter throw bombs at the Meg from the sky so that he can kill it and keep its teeth on his desk. Yeah. Now, the reason he's keeping it secret, by the way, is he's worried, I guess, about liability. Like, he doesn't want to get sued. And I know that like their experiments,

I guess broke the thermal layer or whatever that was keeping the mag down there. But I think it would be pretty hard to build a case against Rain Wilson for a giant shark killing a bunch of people. Yeah. And Columbo shows up to do the first instance of this shit. Just one more question. Just one more question.

You said you did not break the thermal barrier at the bottom of the Marriott's trench and yet your shoe is from the night in question, have thermal barrier. Well, that's just confusing to me. That's just confusing. Well, Lieutenant, I actually soaked my shoes in thermal barrier and unrelated thermal barrier in order to keep the souls springy and strong. Oh, that makes sense. That makes sense. Just one more question. You're under arrest. But the other thing is on a project like this, you've got to assume people signed waivers that like everyone who's going to a privately constructed underwater kingdom has to sign a waiver.

The same way that like you know that any James Bond villain has their henchmen sign a shit ton of waivers so that they can't sue them when the British government sends their agent to destroy their underwater layer and everybody dies in it. Like so the families can't sue specter or something like that. Like there's no way that they didn't have waivers. So anyway, long story short, they think they killed the Meg, they turned out they killed a whale, the whole thing ends with rainwills and falling off a boat and getting,

so our heroes decide, Jason Statham, I guess having seen that they could kill one Meg, is like, well, we've got to hunt down and kill this Meg. It's headed towards one of those busy beaches where people are dancing on floating platforms to loud music, and there's also a guy who's running on the top of the water in a giant inflatable ball. And he is having the time of his life. Guys, have you ever seen this thing? Like, is it really that fun?

Dan, have I seen it? Yeah, have you seen it? There was just a movie, The Mag that I watched. Have you ever seen a real, like, someone's in like a giant hamster ball running on top of the water? One, how does it work? Two, it doesn't seem that fun. Because the fun running on top of the water. One, how does it work? Two, it doesn't seem that fun. Because the fun thing about going in the water is like feeling water on you, and feeling the sun and the fresh air on you, and he's encased in what is essentially like a fart collecting globe. That is teasing him with the ocean by not letting him in.

It looks like one of those balls that the people ride around in on Jurassic World, except you have to walk to. So it also takes musting a lot of energy to push it, but he's loving it. So is this guy the real villain of the Meg? I mean, he kind of does become the villain briefly, but the, and it's also a, it's a, it's a beach that's so crowded with people that I, everyone's having the time of their life, but it seems like it would be terrible. Maybe that's just the curmudgeon in me talking the one who doesn't want to go to a beach

crowded with people, trying to swim, even though there's tons of people surrounding me all the time. Yeah, it's true. I mean, when you go to a crowded beach, you don't usually though encounter people being like, whoa is me? This is horrible.

Like outwardly people are still having fun. Yeah, yeah. I guess they're faking it until they're making it. Yeah. Yeah. That it's, they are, I don't know. They seem pretty tightly packed together though. It's like a Tokyo subway train.

Well, that tightly packed. Have you ever been to a beach where there are people dancing on floating platforms? Dan, no, I'm gonna have to confirm here guys. I have not been to one of those beaches I've I'm kind of convinced that maybe they only exist in movies because every movie where there's a lake or a beach or something there's always a party where people are dancing on a floating platform in their bathing suit but they're not wet so they're not swimming yeah how they got to the platform and also how is that fun to just be dancing on a floating platform instead of like swimming in their bathing suit, but they're not wet. So they're not swimming. Yeah. How they got to the platform. And also, how is that fun to just be dancing

on a floating platform instead of like swimming? I mean, I can only assume that they're shooting like an episode of MTV's The Grind or something. Wait, that's the premise of Piranha 3D, right? Yeah, there should be shooting. It's spring break at the lake and they're shooting like a girl's gun while, type. Yeah, okay.

Okay. Okay. Anyway, I mean, the premise of Toronto 3D is that Paranas are going to eat Gerioconyls dick and then spit it out at the camera. Yeah. That's true. So the delivers on that promise. Yeah. So the movie hits us with a bunch of beach gags. Then Meg shows up to ruin everybody's good time. People are fleeing. They try to get onto a floating dock for safety. So of course, Meg attacks it. But before Meg can eat an annoying kid who has a popsicle in his hand, our heroes lure

it away with a recording of a whale song. And Jonas, using his underwater glider, leads it on a merry chase and then, and then they want to hit it with torpedoes. That doesn't work. A helicopter smashes into the boat for no reason that I could figure out. And after a lot of running, Jonas manages to use his gliders dorsal fin to slice open Meg's belly.

And then he stabs a harpoon into Meg's eye with his bare hands. He's making leaps out of the water. And Meg goes from hell's heart, I stab at thee. Uh-huh. And then he, and the, but like he says it with his accent. So sure, that sound like. Every mils, every day.

Okay. I guess so. So he's, he's kind of like a drunk mall Santa Claus doing this. Yeah. He's, it's like a gravely rock man voice. But yeah, the, the giant slice down the mechs belly doesn't kill the mechs. It's only when he stabs him in the eye, like by hand, that I don't think either those things kill the mech Dan.

That's when a swarm of shark show up. Oh, yeah. It's smaller kin show up to devour its weakened bloody body. Drawing my life. And for a second, Jason a second, Jason stathems like feed my friends. And then one of them turns and is like, I'm going to eat you, Jason, stathem. And then luckily, Suying shows up and pushes it out of the way

with her cool glider. There looks a lot like the Naboo spacecrafts and Star Wars Phantom Menace. It totally looks like this whole movie is basically like somebody watched the opening, the opening underwater chase in the beginning of Star Wars fan of menace and was like, let's just stretch out and make a whole movie of there's always a bigger fish joke. I mean, that was the whole sec, check section with the squid and the, and the shark is like,

I'm like, oh, from Star Wars. Oh, they, they, they sold us from Star Wars. And the whole section with the squid and the whale where, uh, where so you is talking about her divorce. That's basically stolen from the Squid and the Whale, which is a story about divorce. Yeah. And, uh, there's also the part that was stolen from, um, it's another movie with Squid in the title. Uh, it's the Squid Billies. Yeah. The part where they're all like redneck shooting shotguns at each other was stolen from Squid Billies. Yeah, the part where they're all like redneck shooting shotguns at each other was stolen from squid villas and they all escape in the end. And I wish that the Meg when it was being eaten by the other sharks was like, no, but I saved you from the poachers.

No, they all escape on a wedding boat and it says Finn at the end because I assume it's a joke, the sharks have fins. Sure, it feels like the ultimate fuck you from the filmmakers to end the Meg with a French news title card. I see. As if they were like, and now touch a glass. Yeah, I mean, I think the last shot of the movie is we see a tiny little dog that had escaped a wedding boat

and we had thought had been devoured by the mag, is in fact alive. Pippin, you survived, hooray! Yeah, and Jason say them sees it as if to say, hey, if that dog can keep going in the face of Megalodons, maybe I can too. Or he was like, I've killed well-knight, anything that's swam in these waters,

but I haven't killed a tiny little dog yet. And he just stabs in the eye. And then there's just 10 minutes of credits. So guys, I want to say something, this is a corollary I think to Dan's, when things get too big, they stop being scary long. I think when things are too CGI, they'd stop being scary too. When they when they feel like more and more divorced from reality. Yes, exactly. Again, squid in the will. Yeah. Yeah, we're in there. It's final judgment's time. We're in there.

I'm pretty sure we're in the cut at this point. We're in the cut with Meg Ryan, cartilage monster. Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie kind of like, um, I guess I'll start. I don't know. I, I, yeah, Dan, give us, so let's gather around younglings and hear what Dan has to say. Uh, sit, sit at his feet and gaze upon the fire. And within its crackling sparks, you shall see illustrations of the manly tale of adventure and Meg watching. Dan has to relate this legend of the before times. There was a hero some known as some remember know as Meg. Uh, this was not a good bad movie. It was not like stupid in a way

that made me laugh for the most part. Other than like, there were some good lines. Like, someone at one point said, I'm gonna need some proof at this one. Some of them said, that fossilate my friend, which was pretty good. It was pretty good, that's pretty good. I didn't think it was bad, bad, necessarily.

I don't know. I don't know. By process of elimination, I kind of like this movie a little bit. But process of eliminate, well, because you mean because it doesn't really fit into this, these kind of BS categories that we've been. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it went down smoother than a lot of the movies we watched.

I'll say that. It was a movie that was so, I mean for me, I would say similarly, it was not funny enough to be good bad. It was not bad and it was like, I would call it bad bad because I have to, but it's just kind of there. Like it's a movie that just kind of exists and was so kind of dull to me that I didn't have, it was hard for me to have an opinion on it. And while I was watching, I was like, what are we gonna talk about with this movie? It's just kinda like,

it feels just like a big budget sci-fi channel original movie, which is like, it's the kind of movie where it's like, well, I'm sick home from school, guess I'll watch this and it'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like two hours long, so that'll help pass the hours before you die.

Um. Yeah. If that's what you're looking for, it's like two hours long, so that'll help pass the hours before you die. Um. Yeah. Yeah. If that's what you're looking for, you can do the market for. And grandma's in hospice care, but on the meg. Well, it's literally like a doctor of work he and shows up at your house.

Yeah. You're like, let's show, let's show to grandma because it's not gonna quicken her heart rate, any. Yeah. Well, I was thinking like he shows up and you're like, oh, Jack, finally, my life is I'm in pain. It's such a hell hook me up to the machine. And he's like, actually, it's gonna take me

about two hours to set up the machine. All right, throw the Meg on. The, I don't know. I, I gotta say, this was a movie I kinda liked guys. It's too long. It doesn't need to be two hours long, that's insane. Yeah. And it, like, it doesn't really take's too long. It doesn't need to be two hours long. That's insane. And it, like, it doesn't really take itself too seriously. You could probably edit out any of the moments

where the movie does kind of try and take it so seriously. And it, I mean, it's pretty boring. I kind of wish that going through the IMDB, you know, like factual errors that plague this movie. Somebody pointed out that if the Meg had been living below the water level at like 10,000 feet or whatever, that if it rose up to the surface, its body couldn't handle the change in pressure and it was just like melt. It was just like that. That wouldn't have made a very good movie, but I kind of wish that it happened. I wish there must be one where it's like it's like factual errors, goofs. The Megalodon is actually extinct. Now this is something I'm just learning now looking up the Wikipedia entry, is that I didn't realize that the Meg, the original novel, it is now a series. And so there's Meg Primal Waters.

There's the trench, which is Meg to the trench. Meg Primal Waters, I'm gonna skip one that has the best title in her back to it. Meg Origins, which is a prequel that I guess explains how the Meg became giant. I don't know. Meg. It's all started with a dinosaur shark.

Meg generations, something called Meg Pergatory, and the best one is called Meg hell's aquarium So like I would if the movie lived up to the names of those novels, then I'd be like yeah, throw it on I mean my old roommate used to keep a an aquarium that she had her turtles in and she never fucking cleaned the thing And it stunk all the hell and I feel like that's hell's aquarium It's she it got so gross that you would just leave the turtles in the bathtub and my other roommate got some kind of foot fungus from it.

Yeah, I didn't because my feet are naturally resilient to turtle fungus. That's a brag, I hate to brag guys, but you know. That's when you're powers, yeah. You know, well, that's your super. Not to brag. I hate to brag guys, but you know, that's when you're powers. Yeah, that's, you know, well, that's on his Marvel card. Yeah, it's well, it's, it's one of the first things I bring up when I meet new people.

All right, let's. So is it a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or? I said, I said a movie I kind of liked. I was kind of like, Dan, what do you think? I've already gone. This is why I think maybe my favorite bit is making Dan do the thing over again. So Dan, what do we do on this podcast? Shut up. Dead Pilots Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made, featuring

actors like Pat and Oswald. So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude studio during the day and they hunt monsters at night, it's Blade meets the odd couple. Adam Scott and Jane Levy. Come on, Corey. She's too serious, too business-seey. She doesn't know the hokey-poky. She'll learn what it's all about.

Busy Phillips and Dave Kekner. Baby, this is family. My uncle tell, who showed his wiener to Cinderella at Disneyland, is family. Do you want him staying with us? He did stay with us for three months. And he was out to light. A new pilot every month, only on Dead Pilots Society for maximum fun.

Hey, it's Jesse, the host of Bullseye with Jesse Thorne. I'm coming to Portland, Oregon. We're going to be doing a very special live episode of Bullseye, my NPR interview show. It's taking place Friday, February 15th at Revolution Hall. What are you going to see? If you go to Portland, Oregon, see this show? You will see me live on stage, talking with folks like Cory and Tucker from Slater Kinney, director Lance Bangs, writer Bill Oakley, Simson's legend. We will also have live music from Rose Blood and Live Comedy from Katie

Wen. It's going to be a blast and a half. It's also part of a big podcast festival called Listen Up Portland. Tons of other great podcasts are playing at it too. Our power's with doughboys among others. So again, that's Friday, February 15th at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon, 7pm. Tickets are on sale now. Get them at ListenUpPortland.com. And thanks.

All right. Now let's do an ad. How about that? Let's do an ad. Why not? Let's keep the lights on around this. It's for fun. Um, Hey, Hey, Dan, what's up? Hey, what's up? Hey, how you doing? The product you want to tell me about? Yeah, right. The product this time is Squarespace. No, cool. The product this time is Squarespace. No cool. Awesome. With Squarespace, you can create a beautiful website to sell products and services of all kinds, promote

your physical or online business, and now it's an upcoming event or special project. And here's the most important bullet point, Elliot. And more. Wow. That encompasses literally everything Elliot. And more. Wow. That encompasses literally everything else. So much. Everything from,

everything from evolving to the next stage of human evolution, Lucy style, to just taking a particularly satisfying boob on the toilet. And more. Smelt smell. Smelt the scent of newly mown grass or finally catching a unicorn

Mm-hmm, and how does Squarespace do this? Well, they do this by giving you beautiful customizable templates Graded by world-class designers powerful e-commerce functionality that lets you sell anything online Analytics that help you grow in real-time built-in search engine optimization nothing to patch or upgrade ever real time, built in search engine optimization, nothing to patch or upgrade ever. 24, 7 award-winning customer support. Hey, make it stand out with a beautiful website from Squarespace. And listen, head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now, Elliot, Dan, why are you shouting at us?

This is usually... Yeah, you seem really mad at us. This is usually when you come up with a nonsense website. And I'm gonna encourage you to do that right now so I can run to the restroom, which I desperately need to do. So why don't you come up with a nonsense website and then read that jumbo tron I gave to you.

Dan, but Dan, I don't have anything. Maybe you should go on to your next part. No, no, no, I gotta go. No, no, I do have a website Dan in fact. I just love to talk about so Here's the thing We've got a problem with cartilage. We don't have enough of it We don't have enough of it for the one specific reason. Elliot. Elliot. Dan's gone We can just talk about something else. It's not that big a deal No, no, I do have a website I want to talk about. So I want to start a website called www.TheRealMeg.com.

And of course, it's about Meg Ryan, the real Meg, the one that I care about the most. And that comes. L.A.S. She needs so bad that Dan was talking about. L.A.Dance, Dan's not here anymore. He's in the bathroom. We can talk about normal stuff.

We don't have to talk about bits. Dan. Let's've been lately? What's more normal than needing cartilage in your body? And who needs it more than Meg Ryan? Now Stuart, what would I tell you if I said there was actually a cartilage shortage in America today? I mean, we don't have to do this. You can just be normal. He can be horrified. And so, that's why Meg Ryan and I have teamed up for the Meg, the real Meg dot com, which is a website where people can buy, sell, trade, and learn the news about the cardlage we need to remain super stars forever. Now Stuart. I mean, we're like friends, like,

we don't have to run bits the whole time like we you know We don't see each other that much anymore, so like maybe we could there's another one that I want to talk about Which was this is a website that I was interested in I hoping that square piece should basically help me with it Which is called www.sharkwear.com now sharkwear.com Yeah, you may think what do you think it is from the name? I don't know, like, clothes with images of sharks on them. Okay, you got it exactly right. That's exactly what it is.

Now, it's a website that helps you locate stores that sell clothes with sharks on them. So, it's a little bit of a pun on the word wear. So, at sharkwear... That's actually a a good idea. Let me keep it clear that at sharkwear.com, we do not sell shark-based clothing, but we do help you locate shark-based clothing so that you can buy it.

And there's a place where you can put in tips for maybe there's a place you know that is shark-based clothing. There's a place where you can put in your stories, share your pictures and stories of buying or wearing. Oh yeah. People love social media. Yeah. So sharkwear.starqwear.com has a really heavy social media component.

Guys, there's another website I want to talk about. Oh, it's great. www.maggintheholograms. Uh huh. Now, guys, we all love jamming the holograms. What wouldn't be better if a member of the band was a giant shark? Now, I know what you're thinking. Yeah, I guess that'd be better. That jabberge and you're right. It's really

www.jabberge on the holograms dot edu educating people at how much better jam in the holograms would have been jabberge was I'm back. You don't need to vamp this much. It's fine. I appreciate the effort. No problem. I got a jumbo tron to read. Now the dance back. Yeah. J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j Even though life took you to Kansas, I'm glad we still keep in touch. I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you and the wonderful person you have become. No matter where life takes you, we will always be connected through quoting side-feld, sharing terrible memes, and our favorite bad movie, Wainsworld. Happy birthday, and see you soon. Now keep in mind that message is not endorsed by me and that I don't think Wainsworld

is a bad movie, but otherwise I endorse people keeping in contact even when they go to Kansas. Even then. Yeah, that was a nice message. It was. Robert, I may take issue with your opinion of Wayne's world, but otherwise spot on. Keep it going. And if you ever need to find clothes with sharks on them, I have a website you might want to look at.

Or if you think jamming the holograms might have been better with Jabberjaw in it, another website or if you desperately need cartilage, holograms might have been better with Jabberjohn in it, another website, or if you desperately need cardelage, Meg Ryan, and I have a website for you. Is this just continuing your thing about never making fun of Mike Myers on the podcast? Because someday you hope to meet him and talk about hockey and stuff. Guys, he's married to an ex-mergerer.

I'm scared. I live in fear. Dan, do you have any other sponsors or should I get to our upcoming shows? Yeah, you can plug our live shows if you'd like. We got some live shows on the calendar that Cue Janine saying we got one. Dan put that in on the soundboard. Okay. Just edit it. Just edit it in. Janine from Ghostbusters going, we got one. And then I just have Janine from Ghostbusters farting on the soundboard, actually.

Does that happen? No, well, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was as a little placard on her bathroom and it says any pots pot. No, I think anything would be in her kitchen on the cabinet. Or on our marijuana. She goes to the bathroom in her kitchen. She's like me. Yep. Guys, I was just like, I was gonna share a bathroom with the person in your life. And they're in there and you just have to go. Sometimes you see, and you're like, you're doing a little dance and you think you gotta go. Sometimes that kitchen sink looks mighty inviting,

you know what I mean? Yeah, sometimes you gotta go where everybody prepares their food. Anyway, if I was staying, that's still the food would then wire them with rude and so forth. So I like the idea that's what you're like. I'm concerned of my wife. So instead of stinking up the bathroom, I use the kitchen. No, I'm saying that she's in the bathroom.

Okay, so we got one. I mean, two shows on the books right now. We'll have more coming up soon to tell you about. But soon after this episode leaps out of your body into your, it leaps out of the internet and take yours into your body and it leaps out of your body. Chest versus style killing you in front of Sigorni Weaver and Brontica Cartwright. And the cast of Space Balls. Right before you say, check please, Saturday, January 26th in Madison, Wisconsin at the University of Wisconsin It's gonna be a really fun show. We're gonna be talking about venom. Oh, yeah, we're gonna be in badger country Am I gonna do a presentation about badgers? maybe

On Sunday February 3rd. We're gonna be back at our old homestead in Brooklyn the Bellhouse Now I know what you're saying. That's Super Bowl Sunday. Aren't you guys worried you're gonna miss the game? My brother has already assured me he will text me updates during the show What's happening in the big game? So look forward to that. We'll be talking about the happy time murder This Super Bowl Sunday if you want to score a real touchdown You'll come to our show you want to score a real touchdown. You'll come to our show. No!

If you want to hit a real home run into the negative zone, come to our show on Super Bowl Sunday. If you want to do a real, whatever it is they do in Highly, come to our show. So yeah, we're gonna be talking about the happy time murders. It's got Melissa McCarthy, it's got puppets. It's got us talking about those things. Yeah. I mean, Melissa McCarthy and the puppets will not be at the show. We will just be conjuring them with our words painting. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to tell them

that there's a chance they can show up. Maybe Melissa McCarthy will be in town. She'll like, oh, I, you know, I was in that movie. I'd love to hear what they have to say about it. And she'll show up. And maybe she'll be happy with what we have to say. I haven't seen the movie yet. Maybe we'll like it, guys. Yeah, there's always, look, help springs eternal. Mm-hmm.

I mean, I kind of like the Meg, I mean Jesus. Yeah, obviously, sir, doesn't have standards, you know, I don't like anything. I like all kinds of bullshit. And then not a show, but again, just one obviously, sir, it doesn't have standards, you know, anything. I like all kinds of bullshit. And then not a show, but again, just one of my people, my book, Horse Meat Stog in stores now, Children's Book, it's by me, illustrated by Tim Miller, Horse Meat Stog. Dan, what do we do next on this show? Do you guys have anything you want to plug?

Dan, do you work for a TV show or anything? Uh, sure. I continue to watch the Daily Show. And if you haven't watched it, why not start? And then always when you're watching it with someone else, just pause it when they have the credits where they say the writer's names. And then you point to the screen and tell the person you're watching it with. That's Dan McCoy from The Podcast.

Yeah, yeah. And then just masturbate furiously. Oh, wow. Yeah. All they watch. Yes, why not? I mean, you deserve a little bit of joy in your life. No, not while they watch. Dan, you wait till you can do it in private.

Yeah. I will recommend my bar, Hinter Landsbar in Kensington, Brooklyn. I'm there enough. Friday night's most of the time you can come see me. Mm-hmm. So Dan, what do we do next on this podcast? Next week, no. No, there's two more segments.

The two lesser popular segments of the show. Oh wow. This is the first of those two. It's called Letters. Oh, from listeners, like you. And this first one is from. Hey guys, let's ask ourselves, how many letters will we answer tonight? I'm gonna say maybe three because there's three letters in Meg, MEG, that's three, that's

three, M is four, the Meg, and E is four, every Meg out there, you're great, and G is for great, the word I used to describe the Meg, that's three letters, MEG. That's me. That's three. Letters for you and me. Oh wait, I forgot. The title of the movie is The Meg. And The has three more letters in it. T, that's for The. H, that's for... Hey, it's the Meg. E, that's for hey, it's the Meg. E, that's for extra Meg, because there's really more than one Meg in the movie, it should have been called the Megs. Because there's really one more Meg, then you thought there'd be, but they didn't go as far as three. Even though that's the number of letters in Meg, and the number of letters will probably

answer tonight on the flop house, which has a lot of letters in Meg and the number of letters will probably answer tonight on the flop house which has a lot of letters in it. I can't count that high. I don't know. I don't know how many letters are in the name the flop house except I know that the has three T stands for the flop house. It's the flop house and eat stands for every flop house. There's just this one, just this one great flop house for you and me and Dan and Sue and me and you, three letters tonight, the Meg. Thank you, Elliot, I guess.

Dan, your words say thank you, but your tone says go away. This first letter is from Carsten last name with held. Carsten daily, yeah. Carsten writes, I found that there are certain sources I tend to pull heavily from while writing adventures for my D&D players. I steal plenty of fantasy. I'll handle this one. I steal plenty of fantasy elements from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels and plenty of encounter scenarios from 80s action movies.

Are there any genres or works of art you find yourself not only drawing inspiration from, but full on stealing from in your creative work, Cards and Lasting with Held. No one's jumping in, so I'll start. I wrote a... We were thinking about our answers, Dan. Yeah. We're thinking about our answers.

Well, you wrote that screenplay ripoff of that Justin Long movie, right? No, I wrote a screenplay and then it turned out to be similar to the premise of a Justin Long movie. Okay. Wait, which one was that? Oh, and actually, never, I never wrote it. I was gonna write it. It was about an office where like people who were out

like out of work could go and pretend that they had a job. And it's kind of like undecl, und what was it called? Unaccepted? Unaccepted. Except, I mean, you also, you did write a screenplay that was a comedy set during a bachelor party which are there any movies like that? Okay, I mean that isn't necessarily straight up stealing like this guy's talking about it's just derivative. Good, good boy, good boy. When do you steal in your work?

I wrote a spec pilot about a theater program at a small college and when I was writing the character of the dean, I basically just thought of Jimmy James from News Radio. And this character is great. I'm just stealing it. And the thing is like, you know, it's filtered through your own voice. So you never end up like fully. Yeah, especially when you're doing Jimmy James cosplay. Uh huh. Yeah. So at a certain point, it's just Steven root cosplay. Yeah. But I think that when you, you know, you put your own spin on it. So it turns out being something unique almost by accident. Well, there's someone. there's a thing that I think Picasso said,

where he said something along the lines of it, which is that you copy something and you botch it up, and in the botch, that's where you find yourself. Yeah. Like in how you don't accomplish the copy, that's where you find your own style and your own point of view. And Bosch is found on Amazon Prime. Is that a sponsor thing?

What is that about? I don't know what that movie is. Is that show about Heronymous Bosch? But it's set nowadays. Yeah, and he solves crimes. What a great show that would be. So what he does see paint pictures and it's in the paintings that he,

all the mysteries are revealed. I mean, Heronymous Bosch is basically just like grown up, where's Waldo, right? Yep. Yep, that's how I learned it when I went to art school. What did they did a show that's like Heronymous Bosh, but now he paints the Garden of Earthly Delights and shows it to a gallery owner and they're like, yeah It's like I's hundreds of years old. Yeah, you're like I see him. He's right there Waldo is one of those demons, right? I'll say that I try not to steal, but of course, I mean, there's the stuff I work on is

inspired by all sorts of stuff. And I'm currently working on a show that's about a, it's set in the White House. And it's, it's this president named Jed. It's called Dave. And, well press this president, Jed Bartlett has a heart attack. And so Dave Bartlett has to take over and he's gonna every man who happens

to have the same last name. It's a lot like King Ralph to me. Yeah, well, and then he becomes the king of England. You didn't let me get to that part yet. Okay. And also there's a there's a murder at 1600. Wow. But he is presumed innocent.

But he has absolute power. Yeah, exactly. He has absolute power. And eventually they welcome him to Mooseport. Oh, okay. But I am working on a, I'm currently working on a, developing a show that I hope to be pitching soon. So hopefully I'll be able to announce it someday

as a real show. And I've been getting a lot of inspiration from the work of the artist Rick Bartow. So it was a painter who died a few years ago. So, and a sculptor who died for, so like, that's inspiration. I'm trying not to steal too directly, but there's imagery in his work that I'm finding

is very heavily influencing me and in the way I'm thinking about this thing I'm working on now. And yeah, I mean, there was a time, I don't know if I'd still do it as much, but there's a time when a lot of the role-playing adventures I was creating, I was, you know, I was taking inspiration and probably borrowing some stuff from the books of fantasy and sci-fi author Dan Abnet. I think I mentioned on the podcast. from the books of fantasy and sci-fi author Dan Abnet. I think I mentioned on the podcast. And Connoblegah, he's one of the two men who made the Guardians of the Galaxy movieable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, I mean, I'm mainly referring to his pro, not his war hammer stuff, but because he was able to take stuff that was, he's able to, with a lot of his war hammer stuff, he was able to add like depth and nuance and whatnot to a bunch of statistics, basically. To take it above the level of basic, you know,

like, I don't know, like commissioned writing or whatever. So it's not like those magic, the gathering novels that came out in the 90s. I mean, I can't make any comment on that. The last time I made fun of stuff like that, I was in forbidden planet making fun of I made like some dumb bullshit joke about how they had so many charmed novels and the guy behind the registers like, it's like, man, we pay our fucking rent with charmed novels.

And that shut me up. I'm like, okay, well, I'm a fucking idiot. Yeah, well, maybe then I'll mention the, I'll convert them to the Mortal Kombat novel that I read when I was a kid, which was not a very good, but... Did you finish it? I did, but it was hardly a flawless. Uh, also friendship, but I think it's okay to steal directly when it's a Dungeons and Dragons

campaign. It's one thing to steal professionally to be a sort of cat burglar of ideas. And then I think it's not okay. But if you're doing something just for fun, have Mickey Mouse show up. Like why not? Like steal left and right. If you're not trying to make money off of it, then go ahead.

I think Disney's lawyers would still show up if you're doing a D&D campaign with Mickey Mouse. Okay, then do Horace Horse Collar, one of the characters they don't care about. Yeah, there you go. This one is from Ben, last name withheld. Was it a little rat? Yeah.

We have to assume from the name. He writes. It's either that or Fisher Stevens character from short circuit. Yeah. Do you're as seen on TV the cast of the flop house? I finished binge watching the latest season of mystery science theater 3000 and I don't skip to the next episode until I happily see Elliot's name in the quiddets. Thanks. And Dan, the daily share writing is as good as it's ever been, keep up the good work. As a big fan of both these properties, my question is for Stuart. Sure. As a bartender and dungeon master, both of which I have intra-interaction to with, do you

have any favorite stories to share about bars, ends, or taverns, fictional or otherwise, told to you or experienced? Wow, I mean, that my favorite bar related story. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I tweeted about this, but I just recently installed the security cameras in my bar for no specific reason, just it's good to have them. And I download an app so I can now watch the feed, the security camera feed on my phone. So that's basically what I've been doing the last 20 minutes of this podcast. All right. All professionals always great. Yep. I'm not focused. We all and I'm certainly not reading a blog right now.

Uh huh. Wow. You have to say, At least what Stuart's doing does not require the word centers in your brain. Uh huh, and also does it require me to take a fucking delorean back in time. Cause Dan, you want me to do more talking?

Always. You're right, I'm not having to hit my quota yet. Yeah. No, I don't know. I mean, I don't really, I can't think of any particularly like good stories, but, you know, I like working in a bar. I like when people who listen to the show show up, and I don't know.

It's, it was a career that I'd never expected to get into. And it's really cool to have a space where I can, I don't know, hang out and talk to people and hopefully make people happy or make their life slightly less miserable in this veil of tears. Yep. So I answered your question perfectly. Just what he was looking for. Bar tail. This last one is from Sasha last name with held.

Baron Cohen. Sasha writes, since it's your show that put this curse on me, I feel that in some way I need to punish you by telling you about it. Okay. I listened to the Dwee guns in Leopardcon's episode about two weeks ago, and very shortly after, I started having reoccurring dreams where I'm being forced to direct a sequel,

vampires and Dewey guns. I don't have a thorough understanding of this. What would they even talk about? I don't have a thorough understanding. Are you saying they're on a date, like in the first movie? I don't have a thorough understanding of this fake movie's plot, as each dream is mainly just me trying to wrangle gross CGI monsters on a real physical set to perform disconnected scenes. However, these dreams are frequent and vivid enough that I can't stop thinking about them,

and the clotted blood-filled jelly donuts the hybrid's eat will try to do actual work. Though they're probably not enough to say if Dwee-Gon mythos, are there any films you think would be improved by adding vampires into the mix, whether it's the characters turning into vampires, hunting vampires or meeting a new nocturnal lover? And maybe easier to find examples where vampires wouldn't improve things, though. Yeah, that's for sure. I 100% think the fast and furious franchise

would be improved with car driving vampires. Oh, yeah, for sure. That just goes, I mean, almost any action. I feel like me saying this, if Vin Diesel's listening, I'm sure. And when he hears that, that immediately, that movie is going to go into production. Well, like, there's no reason the next Terminator movie can't have a vampire in it. Like that's got to happen. And more be the vampire movie is going to have a vampire in it. I have to assume so since the title character is a vampire. The next Star Wars

movie should have a vampire in it. Like how cool would that be? That was one of my favorite buck Rogers episodes was the one with the space vampire. Mm-hmm. It was really spooky. Dan, do you have opinions on buck Rogers? On buck Rogers? Yeah. No. Okay. What about like Godfather 4? Now there's vampires. Yeah. I mean, that's basically what Sicilian vampire was, right? Yeah, I guess so actually I think about it. That's basically what Sicilian vampire was, right? Yeah, I guess so actually I think about it. And movies that I think would be improved by taking the vampires out. Yeah, Dracula. Wow.

I mean, then it's just a movie about someone who wants to buy a house in London. Yeah. At these prices. It's very difficult to find the space for a family. I don't drink wine because it's too expensive. Because of my gout. The, the, it's the middle class is being squeezed out of the urban center. Uh, well, Drac, uh, your trap, maybe you should try New York then. Oh, don't even start.

There's this is quickly turning into Tefia. Yeah, that's true. Well, Taylor on the roof, why couldn't it be a vampire on the roof? Other than that, that would play into so many anti-Semitic stereotypes. Yeah, yeah. They're like, that's the movie where people would be like, what about the blood libel? And I guess Rabbi Dracula would be like, well, that one's true for me.

Rabbi Dracula. Yeah, he went to a rabbinical school, sure. Yeah, I know. He's a very respected Dracula, Dracula and the community. It would be very hard for him then at Passover because he has to drink wine. But he doesn't drink. Yeah.

Wine. Here's my other question. Why is Dracula drink wine? Like, do vampires think it's just, it's just, it's not a haul. It gets a separate issue. Yeah. Oh, so he's in recovery. So that huge metal that he wears around his neck

Is what like his 4,000 years sober chip. Yeah, exactly Take a look. I take my on life my after life one day at the time He's yes, and he's he has to find an a meeting wherever he is Which is difficult because he can't go into churches Yeah, so he so he has to go into churches chicken and see if there's name in there. Uh, but wait, get Dracula can go into churches chicken. I mean, it says church in the name. I mean, that's in vitamin first.

Oh, yeah. He's like, he just, he waits outside that was and as he was like, oh, no, this church is chicken as a running water in front of it. I wish they hadn't put in this water feature. I mean, it's beautiful, but still it really adds to the romantic feel of this pedestrian plaza. But so do you think Dracula just go? I guess that's the joke in what we do in the shadows is they can't go into that club

until they're invited in. Oh, yeah. So Dracula can't go into any business until he's invited in. So, he's essentially a homeless person at a certain point. I think what we do in the chat is probably invalidated. I mean, that's why I chose. I mean, it's so much better for him in this age of apps. You know, he just have things delivered to his home.

Yeah, if he's not hungry enough for a full meal, he just orders an app. I mean, he's like, every time. I don't eat. He reads another story about, like, start-up culture or like, tech moguls taking advantage of their workers and he's like, and they call me a vampire. Thanks to Uber, I can finally work at night

when the sun is not a ball there. So that would be the worst if you're driving around. And he's like, so are you just leaving work or you're going to work. Oh, I'm just like I'm going to the air. I don't I'm not really looking for a conversation Crankyola is this trip for pleasure or for fun. That's the same thing Dracula I know I've got a philosophy about life. Let me tell you about it and allow me to play my demo. No, thank you Like that's why this guy's got such a bad rating. It's not because he kills people. Yeah.

So can you please just suck my blood down? No, no, first tell me if my trip pop single has a future. Come on, Dracula. Hey, that was a great bit, but it's time to move on. No, okay. We always have to move on in life. Yeah. And the next thing we do is we talk about recommendations,

the movies we saw, and you should watch probably instead of the Meg, I'd say. Yeah, almost certainly. I mean, different, are you in the market for kind of boring giant shark movie? Yeah, it depends. I know you guys are gonna recommend. Yeah.

Come on. I'll go first. I went to the film forum recently. I saw a little movie from 1937, Elliot's territory. It's called easy living. Oh, I love easy living. And it was a testify. Dan, it was written by Preston Sturgis,

the famous writer and director was not directed by him. It was directed by a guy named Michael Leason or Leisen. I'm not sure how to say his last name. I think Mitchell Leason. Mitchell, sorry, yeah, you're right. This is the story that I've always heard is that that's the movie where he decided I don't want to see other people wrecking my movies.

I'm going to direct them from now on, but easy living is hilarious. So I don't know if it's really good. I think it's an apocryphal story. It's about basically, it's a hard plot to sum up. So I'll just sort of give you the inciting incident. A rich banker is enraged that his wife has bought so many expensive fur coats. So he throws one out the window and it lands

on a poor working girl, uh, and through a series of unlikely events thereafter, she becomes mistaken for, uh, not wealthy. I mean, she becomes mistaken basically for the, uh, mistress of a wealthy man. And because of that, everyone wants to curry favor with her by making her, like giving her easy living. And, uh, after, after her life takes a downturn because of it everyone wants to curry favor with her by making her like giving her easy living and After her life takes a downturn because of it Edford. Yeah

And it stars Jean Arthur who is very funny in this movie. I like she's so good in the lead Eddie Arnold is the Edvard Arnold is the the banker and the and I was like oh Eddie someone knows that Arnold the love interest is a very young Raymel and and he's so young that as someone who mostly Associates Raymel and with things like dial in for murder. I was like I did not recognize him But he's also very good. He's he's he's so young and it that he's billed as baby Ray And there's a it's just I don't know there's billed as baby Ray. And there's a, it's just, I don't know, there's, it's got so much inventiveness in it.

It's just a light from start to finish. And there are scenes in it too, like there's a scene in an automat where there's a run on free food that goes on so much longer than you think it should, but somehow still maintains being funny through the entire sequence. Especially because it's just the same joke over and over again, which is that people fall down sometimes.

Yeah, exactly. But it's done very well. So easy living, I liked it a lot. Easy living. I'm going to recommend a movie that came out like two weeks ago, so the opposite end of the spectrum. It's a low budget thriller called Rust Creek. It is, I think it's streaming and playing in a few,

playing in a few select cities. It is a thriller set in Appalachia about a college girl who is going to draw, she's driving to DC for a job interview and gets off the highway and is trying to take a shortcut when she has to turn around and she gets embroiled in a little bit of local criminal activity and has to kind of has to survive. And it's a movie that is patient and it is beautifully shot. It's a little long, but and none of the twists or anything are particularly new, but it's just a well-made little thriller and it's pretty cool. I recommend it. Rust Creek.

I'm gonna recommend a movie that made okay. I did start okay. Okay. Okay. This is throwing me off quite a bit What do we do at this part? This I'm gonna movie that I thought for certain had been recommended already, but maybe I'm wrong Which is can you ever forgive me? So? Did you guys recommend that already on the show? What which is, can you ever forgive me? So did you guys recommend that already on the show? What was that? Can you ever forgive me? No.

I don't think I've either seen it yet. Okay. For some reason, I thought I was recommended already, but I highly recommend it. It's the story with Melissa McCarthy and Richard E. Grant, where she is a down-on-er-luck biographer who basically gets into forging letters from famous people and selling them as, and rebellious artifacts in order to support her life and, you know, becomes more and more deeply enmeshed in it and more and more criminal about it. And it's like a movie that I thought just that they handled it super well. And it's a really solid like character movie between her and Richard E. Grant.

Like I realized I like Melissa McCarthy much more as dramatic actress than I do as a comedic actress watching this movie. And I just think it was just like a really, really solid movie about a character who kind of gets into deep on something. And a character who rubs the other people in her life the wrong way so you can see how she's reached this point. But the way she's handled in the movie, like you want her to succeed. And they just did a really good job of that. And something that I especially liked about it

is that both of the main characters, Melissa McCarty, and Richard E. Grant's character are gay, but the movie is not about them being gay. Like, it's just a thing about them that is taken for granted by the movie and is not, is neither called attention to, nor is it ignored, and I thought that they handled that particularly well,

that it's just kind of taken as this is a fact of their life and we don't have to make a big deal about it, we also don't have to pretend it doesn't exist. And Richard E. Grant, he's amazing in everything. He's just great, right? Yeah, he's with now. He's with now, and here he's with Melissa McCarthy. He shows up in the new season of a series of unfortunate events,

working with a partner played by Beth Grant. And I don't know why I think it's so funny that they partnered up two people with the last name, Grant. This is pretty funny. As always, the E and Richard E Grant stands for excellent. Okay. So that's can you ever forgive me? A movie I really liked a lot. Well, we've done it yet again. We've fulfilled our contractual obligation to the devil. Yeah. And put out another episode of this podcast. Yeah, why and what did we get in exchange for that punishment? I don't remember.

These may we lost that we lost that fiddle contest. We never should have wagered in magic beans in a fiddle contest. Why did we think that we any any of us could play the fiddle? I was pretty sure I could figure it out. Yeah, it looks pretty easy. I mean, if you see what you get. Yeah, when you get stuck. Yeah, it looks pretty easy. I mean, if you see what you can play it. Yeah, when you get stuck in, it'll be fine. And when you see people play it, they're just going, they're just moving that thing back and forth. It's not a piano.

Yeah, I'm pretty good if I stomp my foot hard enough, it would work. I remember at the time, we were trying to help each other. Each of us was playing, the other two were being like, good sound, love it, and like trying to dance to it, to try to fool the devil into thinking that maybe he was wrong and that it was really good. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And then I started talking to him about like, hey, do you realize diehard is a Christmas movie to just distract him? And he picked that up and, oh boy, now everybody, now every jerk in America wants to talk about that so I'm sorry for unleashing that plague of darkness on the world but uh Dan the magic beans I don't even remember how they entered into the whole scenario we wanted to eat them right we thought they're three of them and we figured that if we had a spare Liam meal I

liked what he said barely a meal as if it is a meal. It's just barely a meal. One bean is not a meal. It reminds me the great poem, The Potato and the P, which just goes, one potato makes a meal, one P, no big deal. And this is the first poem that my son ever memorized. Oh wow. But yeah, so we've done it again.

Old Nick, he can't make us do it anymore. And I guess we'll have to, we're haunted again every two weeks, right? Yeah. And that's when the next episode will come out. Theoretically. Wow. Was that, that was dark? Cliffing or?

I mean, you know, nothing certain of this world. Yeah, that's fair, yeah. Dan, are you, nothing's certain of this world. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Dan, are you are you planning to murder us? Like, what? I'm not planning on it, but again, nothing's certain. I mean, it would be probably one of the least surprising ways for me to go.

What would be the most surprising way for you to go, Stuart? I don't know, like, crushed under a pile of textbooks or something. Like, I'm not sure. But then, I guess I would have been, I'd be killed by my homework allergy at that point. Yeah. I think the most unlikely way for me to go would probably be falling off the stage as I strut along in a charity bachelor auction. I think that would probably, I would not go for much. I think I would not involve myself in that scenario.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And I mean, that would cast a poll on the rest of the event. I mean, they'd still have to go on because they've got to raise money to buy the pool table for the rec center, but still. Yeah.

Now, I guess, or maybe the least likely way for me to go would be like getting my head cut off by a helicopter blade, because I'm pretty short. Uh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. And you don't go rush. They don't fly you anywhere in a helicopter. Yeah, also John Landis isn't directing you in anything. So take that, John Landis.

Wow. Take that. John Landis. Wow. He listens to this. Dan. He listens to this hoping his name gets mentioned and now he's wishing on a monkey paw. Cost it to be mentioned, but not the way he wanted. Yeah. Cool, guys. We did it.

I don't know. The floor. Okay. I guess we're doing this now. I mean, we have to Dan. Would you prefer we just dick or around and put off the inevitable? Or I've been Dan McCorff the floor. Pouse. Yeah, we're a max fund podcast. You check it out max fund. Or there's other shows there. Hey, I'm Elliot. I'm Elliot. I'm Elliot. Kaelan asking you to please mention the forecast to other people. And by the forecast, I mean the flop house. Don't let you use

my joke name. Please help us in spreading word of the flop house, write us a review on iTunes. A good review would be even better. Tweet about us, Instagram about us, Periscope about us, Facebook live about us, Snapchat about us, tell your mom, West live about us. Yeah, tell everybody about the flop house and listen to other Max von podcasts because there's a great podcast on Max von. And I've been for the Flop House, Elliott Kaelin, wishing you, as always, a pleasant January. Bye.

How do you always wish people a pleasant January? That's why it's weird, because I wish people a pleasant January and every other month, but January's gonna come back. I've got a feeling January's coming back, guys. Good night night everyone. On this episode we discuss the Meg welcome to Jurassic Shark.

Now, Ali, it was with the Megadonna Jurassic Animal or its stewards. That's a good question, that's a good question. I don't know, let's let me take a look at it real quick, it could have been. Let's take a look at what, what era it period actually came from. Um, the make a lot on. Let's see, it was a time period. Oh no, it was not.

It was not. No, technically the early myocene to the end of the plios scene. Ooh, long after the Jurassic period, Stuart, I'm gonna have to give you a red card on this one. Oh shit, and I've already got a red card. So that means I'm missing next, oh wait, no, that's yellow cards. I'm just missing next game,

and I'm probably not gonna make any money for a little bit. Yeah, exactly. And you'll lose that endorsement deal with what was that lubricant company? Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.