The Flop House - Ep. #279 - The Dark Tower LIVE

Episode Date: March 16, 2019

We continue to exploit our vault of unreleased live shows, with this discussion of The Dark Tower, with special additional guest co-host, Hallie Haglund, the star of the show. And for those who don't dig live shows, good news! Since next week is Max Fun Drive, we'll be releasing an EXTRA EPISODE during a week we'd normally be dark. Everyone wins! Wikipedia synopsis for The Dark Tower LIVE SHOW DATES 2019! June 8 - PORTLAND - Revolution Hall July 13 - MINNEAPOLIS - Parkway September 28 - BOSTON - WBUR CitySpace (TWO shows in one night) October 12 - LOS ANGELES - The Regent Theater

On this episode of the podcast, we discuss the Dark Tower! Live in Brooklyn, New York! Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Caillan. And I'm Halle Hagland. Wait a minute, there's an extra person here. Halle.

I'm amazed at her, not everyone else. That was the joke. That's a... We went over this, dude. Not to make bad jokes, no. Yeah. Wait, when do we go over the Don't Make Bad jokes, Rul? So.

So I said howie's name three times in a mirror. And she appeared. It only works if you've already arranged for Halley to meet you at the place where you are. So guys, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Yeah. And on this episode we watched the Dark Tower, which we explained to you right before the music plays. And that takes you to now. Yeah, okay, that's a great fun.

So if you're a time traveler, you're all cut up. Wait, hold on. And now, this week's exciting episode of The Flop House. Is brought to you by Lohi Strikes. Oh, Lucky Strikes. That's a radio show. Yeah. I was gonna do...

It's a bowling radio show. Yeah, that's right. Legally different from the other Lucky Strikes. I was reminiscing with someone recently about a thing that you don't see much on TV anymore, which is bumpers for TV shows that then announced the sponsors. And my favorite of those was on the X-Files,

the guy had to do a quick change in tone. Because he had to say, the X-Files is brought to you by a rolled gold pretzel. Because the X-Files has to sound creepy, but rolled gold pretzels doesn't want to sound creepy. No, you don't want to be like. I don't even believe that it happened so recently. I mean, not like the ex files wasn't recently,

but that shocks me that it was even that recently that they were still doing. There's something in this. Hey, you know, that was longer ago than you think it was, Ali, you're older than you think. And then my gray hair just appears. Yeah. Ali is sporting a great rogue- style gray streak in her hair.

It's all natural girls. So Dan, the dark tower, what's that like? Okay, I got a TV show. Stephen King wrote a poem once called, Child Roll into the Dark Tower came or something like that. And he was like, hey, that sounds cool. Let me write seven books about this. Uh-huh.

And then they made a movie based on all seven of them, right? Kind of. What I like is he did with a poem, what they do with Star Wars action figures, where they're like, we got to tell the story of everyone involved in this. Like, what's this dark tower about? Who's rolling, what's going on? Who's that guy in the background?

Maybe he should have a story. Spin him off, come on. What's Nyanyab story? I mean, I do wanna know what Nyanyab story is. Yeah. Yeah. You happen to hit on one of the few story aliens where I'm like, yeah, give me a spin off

on that guy. A recalatious grumb movie. Where's my final part of the main? Where's my fondly made movie? How do you get so salacious? Yeah, how do you get so salacious? I think we've covered this in podcast before. Is he related to Arkrum or not? They have a similar interest in larger folk.

OK. All right. Yet, do you remember that Arkrum job of the hot comic stripy drew? It was really sexy. It was really too much. So, Halle, you love fantasy. There's nothing that you would have enjoyed more

than watching this movie, right? I texted Dan and I was like, I'm making a strict rom-com policy every time I participated in these. Or horror movies, you like horror movies. Oh yeah, I opened it up to horror movies, but not like sci-fi horror movies. Like actual people are getting murdered

and there's romantic tension, you know. But between the people on the murderer or... Hopefully. Yeah. Now Dan, I've never read these dark tower books. You have. Do you think that for a seven book epic series, I have to assume I'm guessing sprawling with dozens or if not hundreds of characters?

Do you think a one hour and 30 minute film adequately captured the scope of the story? This epic tale. It was pretty good at getting like, I don't know, like half of the first book and then like a few pages of the last three books. Like I feel like that was sort of what they were going for maybe. Like, like greatest hits. Yeah, that's right. Like it felt like the movie was made by a kid who had a book report the next day in the form of a movie,

and it's like, I only got halfway through the first book. I'll just read the last page, the last book, and I'll make the movie out of that. Dan, should we talk to people about what happened in this movie in case they haven't, in case like most of the world they haven't seen it. So, the Dark tower starts hittingly enough with darkness, a black screen,

and there's text on the screen. That tells you. Which is appropriate, because it's based on a book. Exactly. Which is text on a page. Exactly. On a dark page, it's all printed on black pages. It's a white letter.

Very hard. It's really like they spent a fortune and ink doing it that way. Yeah. But it had to be that way. It worked. The text on screen tells us that there's a tower that stands at the center of the universe and protects the universe from darkness. The mind of a child can bring it down.

Now, don't worry. Don't worry. That same concept will be mentioned to you several more times throughout the film. I missed all of that. I mean, it's literally the first thing you see in the movie. So which cat were you petting instead of watching the movie? Yeah. I don't know. Literally I was like, why are all these kids involved?

Even tell you this moment. Did you do the thing I do sometimes where I start the movie and then I'm like, let's time to go pop some popcorn. And I come back and I'm like, Ben Kingsley, what's he doing here? What's the part of the movie with your popcorn bin, Kingsley? Guys, Ben Kingsley is sublet space from Halley in the apartment.

We all know this. Guys, when you're watching a movie, what's the part of the movie that you think is least likely to have necessary information? For the rest of the film, certainly the opening is not going to have necessary information. For the rest of the film, certainly the opening is not gonna have that information. I don't even know if you're joking. Yeah. Yeah. I like the idea, I like the thing that you press play

and the words play came up on screen. You were like, seeing it. I'll come back when this part's over. No, literally I press play and then I started texting Dan, like, fuck this. How he just watched the finale of the Americans. She's like, this doesn't make sense. So guys, the text is on the screen.

Now, this is not the worst way the movie could have started. The worst way it could have started is if the teenage. Now, this is not the worst way that movie could have started. The worst way it could have started is if the teenage main character had told us that information via voiceover, perhaps referring to it as a prophecy or something his mama once told him. So that doesn't happen.

But we see there's this creepy place where Matthew McConaughey is keeping a bunch of kids. It looks kind of like, I don't know, like a boarding school or something. And when it comes to a certain time, you got to pick a kid, strap them into a clockwork arms chair, and force a laser beam out of his head to try to knock down a tower.

And that's called puberty. It's all those forms. Yes. So that's, yes, all of the elaborate puberty metaphor. That's right. So this case, Madden McConaughey is what your hormones? I don't know. But it's like normal life.

You ejaculate. Straight from the old think box. Okay, it turns out this tower that they knocked down, it wasn't real. It's just a dream this kid Jake is having. There was an earthquake, earthquake, earthquake. There's an earthquake while he was, it's a cake made out of soil and there's worms in it. He's very good for you. He's very good for you. There was an earthquake in the night.

He slept through it, but he's a troubled kid. He really misses his dad who is a dead firefighter. And he does a lot of, I didn't like. Nothing, I think there's a lot of, nothing in Brooklyn audience finds funnier than dead firefighters, apparently. But I like the audience reacted as if I was making a joke. Because I was like, this is going to get him.

And he's always drawing stuff from the stuff we saw in the beginning. He's always drawing these crazy fantasy pictures. And it's like, I mean, come on, who is this guy? One of the Hilda Brandt brothers? Like, what's going on here? You know, this is Boris Vallejo, all of a sudden, what's going on? How come the kids in these movies? The Lee Barlow walk into this movie?

These kids that get visions in these movies, how come they're all artistically talented? Like, what if they went to a kid and everyone's like, I don't know what you're doing. Is that a person? Is that, yeah. She's like stick figures. Like, I had a vision of a dark tower in a person? Yeah. Just like stick figures.

I had a vision of a dark tower and a man in black. Oh, yeah. OK, I kind of see that now. Yeah. Oh, no, it's great. So this is the man here. You're holding it upside down. Oh, OK.

No, you're great, kid. You're great. Anyway, he gets bullied. He forgets to fight to school. His therapist thinks you're always dreaming about darkness and fire because of this family trauma you're dealing with. No, this was a scene that actually really stuck out to me in a scene that, in a movie that I didn't pay attention to at all.

No, because it just felt like very aggressive by the therapist. Like, he wasn't listening to him, he was more just like telling him what all his thoughts meant. And I was like, this is not therapy, okay? Yeah, fire him. You deserve better, kid. I mean, that's really the part that stood out to me. Yeah.

Well, the part that stood out to me, strangely enough, comes up in the next scene that the kid is wandering around the streets, civically, Broadway, just below 14th. I knew it well, because I went to school around there. So I was like, hey, I remember that like kitchen supply store. I used to walk by that all the time, and then I got back into the movie.

He sees a guy kind of from his dream who's got weird skin, and then a crazy homeless man is like, hey, stay away, watch out. You didn't talk. Tell me, look, talk it, stay away, watch out. You didn't talk... Who? Tell me, talk it into the microphone, Halle. Halle, take advantage of what I'm doing. Talk about the skin seams.

The skin seams. So that's how they know that people are from this other universe. That's how he knows it's good to go. Yeah, there's rat people who put fake skin on their body and there's a seam in the back of their neck. That's pretty standard. That's boilerplate.

Oh. And maybe my god, I get mad if you don't put your skin on. I mean, calm. Oh. Oh. Tell me another one. So anyway, so we're checking all the boxes. He's a troubled kid, draws pictures of his dreams.

Yeah, homeless man yells some kind of warning prophecy at him. You got it, skin seems. We're all checking out the boxes. He has another dream about Matthew McHenry, and Matthew McHenry is just talking about the bleak emptiness of the universe to some dude right before he burns up up in fire.

And as we learn, Matthew McHenry is playing the villain, the man in black, aka Walter. Which is what the hero of the movie, Interstellable, continually refers to him as, who's like, Walter! Walter! The same name as the protagonist of the new Muppet film. What if, now, that, what if it was Walter the Muppet?

And I'm like, I knew you were a bad guy, Walter. Yeah. You're, you're, you're blank affect. The, the, the disguise, you're evil, uh your evil well calm down. Okay. I hate I hate that character so much He came in he took what rightfully was permits And now everyone's pretending like to be Jason Seagull's brother. I know. Yeah, I'm sorry All right, I'm sorry. I think the freeze frame at the end of the Muppets, when they throw a Walter up in the air and it frees frames,

I was like, he gets the freeze frame. Nobody likes him, and it was like that moment in Crystal Skull when Shilobov puts on Indie's hat, and I wanted to walk into the screen and slap it off his head. LAUGHTER Like, you don't get to do that. Anyway, also in this dream, he sees Idris Elba, who's playing the character of Roland, the Gunslayer.

Idris Elba, yep, that, I guess, either there's some kind of wild animal in the audience, or someone was just thinking about Idris Elba. Now, Idris Elba is talking to Dennis Hayesberg. They're both Gunslayers, I guess, and he's like, oh no, we've lost. This is the end. Oh, no.

And then they say this oath about, like, I don't shoot with my gun. I shoot with my heart or some garbage. And Matt McHonda, he kills Dennis Hayesberg. And then he's like, roll, and you're immune to my magic. And then it cuts to a shot of an old house. And Jake is like, I got to find that old house. And of course, he posts on the message board. Where's that house. And Jake is like, I gotta, he wakes up and he goes, I gotta find that old house. And of course, he posts on the message board, where's that house.com?

Yeah. To find where this house is. There's a moment around here where Interseleba shoots Matthew McConaughey in the back of the head. And Matthew McConaughey just pulls the bullet out of the air. And it is so uninteresting. We watched a movie a little bit ago

that was like filmed in 1993 with a shoestring budget with Anardice Claim it. And that had bullet grabs that were way more excited than this. There's a scene in the later on, where Madden MacHunter catches a bullet and then hurls it back really fast. And the same exact thing happens

in this Anardice C claim movie from 25 years ago. And in that movie I was like, that was pretty cool. And then this one I'm like, oh, it looks really goofy, because his hand moves super fast. Like he's a cartoon character. Or like, the universe turned on motion-smoothening. For some reason.

Okay, this is all this. Well, also one of his murder techniques is he just goes up to people and goes, stop breathing. And then they die. And when Maddie Moneb... And I've tried that. One of his murder techniques is he just goes up to people and goes, stop breathing. And then he dies. And when Matthew... And I've tried that.

And I've tried that. And that doesn't work. And it plays really well in a movie. Like that's a really visual way to kill someone. Why couldn't he say like, have your head explode or something? Now Matthew McConaughey, he's a wizard. Be a scanners. He's an evil wizard.

And he goes up to people all the time, he tells them like, kill each other or like, stop breathing. Now imagine if you will, Matt McConaughey, right before the director yelled action. He was reading his credit card number to, maybe he was buying, it's like in being John Malovich, he's buying a set of towels. And he's just reading his credit number and the dirt said action.

And with that same enthusiasm, he just rolls into his lines. Like that's kind of the level of energy he brings to the entire movie. He's every line, he's like, well, I guess it's gonna be a rude awakening for planet Earth, you know what I kind of stuff. I'm like, we got an octahon the tower, then I'll be king of it all.

I guess he could not be less interested in his own wicked plans. To hell with your rebuttal. That was Bires Club. More like Dallas Sellout Club. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- audience at home. Listen to that. Allie, great work. If you'd like to pick up your guest gift and just go now, that's okay. You're Amy for Best Podcasts. Okay, all of Jake's craziness. The fights school, those dumb drawings. That was a cheer for Stuart Open the Beer. And that's a one guys' show. No, we were just asking for a shot at him by plucking it out of the air

and throwing it someplace else, howdy. It's cool. So, Jake's BS is not going over well with his stepdad. His stepdad are only this far into the movie. Yeah. No, we're going to rush through a lot of other stuff. What's speedin' up? Jake's stepdad, he's arranged for some people from a psychiatric clinic to come by and pick up Jake. And Jake's mom is like, oh, I guess so, okay.

But the driver, the van from the clinic, he's got... A fucking skin scene. It's clear, these people are from that other world where the bad guy lives. And then Jake manages to catch a glimpse of the message board as computer in the address of that house where it comes up. And he goes bathroom window. Don't fail me now. He jumps out of it. Roof top chase parkour parkour parkour. Jake loses the bad guys by park or park or Jake loses the bad guys by uh, Kermit wrong, entering the uptown side of I think it's the 28th Street subway station and then exiting the downtown side of the 28th Street station, unless he ran across the tracks, Jake you can't do that!

This is when the movie really pushed my suspension of disbelief too far. I was like, the kids have laser beams that come out of their heads and they knock over a magic tower. You got it, portals, bad guys, so forth. Wait, hold on a second. We're supposed to believe this is a hub station. No, Kelly was on IMDB pointing this out.

Dark Tower, meet the the goofs page. Because I got one for you. Anyway, Jake goes to this house, it's abandoned, it's got a portal in it's other worlds. He's about to step through this portal and suddenly the wood of the house starts attacking him. It looks like he's a goner until he yells stop, and it does.

He goes through the portal to kind of like... It's like they had a wood monster for one day and they're like, I guess we gotta use it. We need a monster for this scene. All we have are the old bleachers from the abandoned high school. Make it work, make it up to him guns the director, make it work. He goes to this desert world

that looks kinda like the desert world from Phantasm, but not as cool. And he's like, whoa, but to be honest, it looks pretty crappy. Yeah, so he goes through a portal. I'm assuming to what New Jersey? Is that the closest to New Jersey? Yeah, the deserts are New Jersey, yeah. Sure.

He's in a place called Midworld now. And there's all these different worlds. Still sounds like New Jersey. Yeah. Meanwhile, Maddie MacKannah, he's placed his headquarters in mid world. They're still trying out different kids to see that they've got the strong enough laser beam.

Not down these things. They say, oh, someone crossed through an old portal. Mankind, he goes, send me there. Jake stumbles across, Rollins the Gunfighter's campsite. He's like, you're the guy from my dream. You're that gunslinger. And Rollins like, there's no gunslingers anymore.

And then I was like, oh, we're gonna do this game. Okay. I put that life behind me. We're all gone. We're looked in here. I'm just like, I'm gonna be a dick to you for a little while. This is the part where we don't, we haven't. You're, I'm Shrek and you're the donkey,

and we're not friends yet. Then we're gonna become friends, and then later on, we're getting to an argument and we split up for a short amount of time, and then we come back again because we're true friends and we save up for a short amount of time, and then we come back again, because we're true friends, and we save the day. Anyway, Jake, you wanna do that with me? Just like a Shrek donkey thing?

And Jake's like, gee, Mr. Shore. I remember you from the office, and it just felt like, you remember that story? That's easy for the office. That's what you know. I've been thinking, that's what you know me for best. Not even like Prometheus or like Pacific Rim.

Chief, where were her? I'm 15 years old. I never saw those movies. I mean, Pacific Rim's right up a 15 year old Sally, right? That's well, but he wasn't 15 when it came out. And Prometheus would be great because he wouldn't have all that built in like background, having watched Alien growing up.

Like this would be his first exposure and he'd really like it. That's true. He'd be like one of those kids where they're like, well I saw Space Balls before Star Wars, so that's the original to me. And he might not realize he's like that, that old man was really guy Pierce and old age makeup. That's crazy, it was so believable. I thought they got guy Pierce's dad and then just put glue all over his face.

Okay, so. That's a lot of our previous. And we didn't even talk about how we played a concertina in that. I'm gonna put glue all over his face. Okay, so. That's a lot of my previous. And we didn't even talk about how he played a concertina in there. Yeah, any play, yeah, he played one of those little maritime accordion. Yeah, he's boxing. Are we talking about E.D.R.S. Alva? Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

Which is weird, no. America's leader. Where Napoleon was exiled too. E.D.R.S. Alva. Anyway, thank you. Thanks guys. Did you make a Napoleon joke? Yeah, I got booze from one half of the crowd and nothing from the other half of the crowd.

And I'll tell you what, nothing was worse than the booze. At least it was a reaction. Yeah, they're Wellington fans. Yeah. Oh! Whop, whop, whop! At least it was a reaction. Yeah, they're willing to fans. Yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh. Wap, wap, wap.

History jokes. So Roland is like, I'm not a hero anymore, but I guess let's go save the day. And they're on the hunt. The man in black, Madame Ghani, he goes to that old house. He finds some sort of clueless nonsense. And he takes it to the court of the Crimson King, which is this same kind of like weird Euro-sheet bar

that bad guys hang out in every vampire activity. It's basically where bad guys hang out and wait for Blade to show up and kill them. Yeah, basically. Like, you know, Udo Pierce in the back, like doing Coke, all of a mutant or something like that. And he's like, I didn't even know this was a movie. Howie, you look baffled by something.

What's going on? This is a question I had while I was watching it, but I didn't look it up, because I just wanted to play out live on stage, because it's exciting. OK, so you know the bar, not bartender, but the guy who, when he goes into that place and. The bald guy. Yes.

Yeah, who's kind of like the host, Mader D, also the biggest customer. I don't, I wasn't sure. Hope we're talking about the same person. Isn't that character who's like the secondary character that Matthew McConaughey always goes and talks to? Isn't that the guy who was in little children, who like jerked off in the car? Oh, yeah.

Jack Eero Hailey. That, Jack Eero Hayley. That was Jack Eero Hayley. She's my name, she's my name. Really? Yeah. You sure? He's a chameleon. He can be everything.

I love the idea that like if Hal, ever saw Jack Eero Hayley on the street, she'd be like, check off guy. Probably anyway, but playground, huh? I mean, it haunted me. I remember literally nothing about this movie that I watched yesterday. And I was, except I watched little children, like,

20 years ago, probably, and I was like, this is the recommendation's portion of the podcast. They're like, oh, yeah, everyone there's trying out flesh masks with like a flesh mask warehouse. And they go, oh, this is from a kid with a shine so powerful he can kill a house demon. And I'm like, okay, I guess I was supposed to be impressed by what we saw earlier. And you know what shine is? Come on, it's Stephen King's stuff.

It's like all mind-tellapy stuff. Anyway, Roland and Jake, they're wandering through your classic fantasy swamp and there's an ancient rundown theme park. And he's like, oh, there's a rundown theme park over there. And he's just always like, we don't know what it is, it's ancient. And he's like, well, it's a theme park. And I was like, I can't wait to see how this abandoned roller coaster plays into a kickass action scene.

No, doesn't. You're like, when do we get to the fireworks factory? To be fair, to be fair. This is not a William Goldman watching the Big Lebowski and wondering when they're gonna get to the bowling tournament thing. We are in a fantasy adventure movie. We see an abandoned rollercoaster. I am well within my rights to be like,

well, that's something they're gonna do something with. It wasn't just that they happened to be filming in the forest next door to the closed-down action park. Even the movie Clifford had a roller coaster scene. So, and- You say even the movie Clifford. Even the movie Clifford. As if that was terrible in some way.

When we all know that Clifford, of course, was the pinnacle of filmmakers prowess. Yep, who was the filmmaker, Dan? I'd like to imagine that Charles Groden directed himself under a pseudonym. Garl's Troden. Okay, so Roland's all, he's like a master, farist, or he's like, don't eat that, don't make a sound, eat this rabbit, do that, and they become friends. Meanwhile, the man in black, he meets up with those two people from the psychiatric clinic at a burger stand, they give him the information about Jake, he says, kill each other, and then he leaves,

and he's like, he tells the people that's walking out, he goes, enjoy the show, folks. And it's like, you see, how much, how much, like, how many sedatives he'd take right before the show. Like, he's like, man, I was up all night driving this long haul truck across the country. And now I'm wired, but I gotta get to sleep. Let me just pop a couple sleeping pills,

Matt, you're needed on set. Oh boy, ho! Yeah, do you think after he said that, he's like nailed it, that's gonna be in the trailer. Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile, they're Roland and Jake are still, they're really best buds. Roland explains that there's a tower that keeps reality safe.

Walters trying to destroy it to make a lot of monsters come in the world and he'll be the King of the Monsters. And I was like, one of those, one King of the Monsters, his name's Gojira. But anyway, they, they, heard of him, heard of him anybody.

Anyway, so, but it's also like, yeah, the text told me that. I don't know, come on guys, but I guess that was for Halley. That the director of the film was like, but what if Halley doesn't know? I missed that too. Oh.

That night, a monster tempts Jake into the forest in the form of his late dad. It turns out to be this kind of goopy, you know, sharp monster that is the kind of thing that'll come through the walls when the tower goes down and Roland's like, bam, bam, bam, shoot him with his gun, bam, bam, bam. And then the monster comes back and Roland's like, bam, bam, bam, shoot him with his gun, bam, bam, bam. And then the monster comes back in and he goes, bam, bam, bam, shoot him with his gun, monster's dead.

And it goes on a little bit longer than that, but I was like, okay, so it's really, he really just shoots stuff with that gun, huh? Like, it's really just a gun. It's a gun slinger. And we learn later, we learn later that that gun was forged from the metal of a scalper. Yeah.

Which seems crazy. That seems nuts. It is bullshit. Somebody honestly, that's bullshit. Yeah, it is, dude. Complete. Well, you don't have to say it again. We heard it, we have a fight.

It's okay. Noted, addressed and answered. Okay, let's go. Matthew Hanna, he goes to Jake's parents' apartment. He kills both of them. He sees all the drawings and he's like, hey, let's go. Matthew Hanna, he goes to Jake's parents' apartment, he kills both of them, he sees all the drawings and he's like, hey, it's a pretty good likeness. And the thing, and it is this in this scene

that the movie had, what was for me, the scariest moment? They walk into the apartment, Jake's stepmom and his dad and they're like, oh, I hope Jake's loving his time at the psychiatric clinic, you know, they haven't called, so I assume they just got there and everything turned out fine. And Matthew Hanna, Mekanae is in the kitchen, You know, they haven't called, so I assume they just got there and everything turned out fine. And, uh, Matthew Mgahanat, Mkhanahe's in the kitchen,

apron on, cooking himself up some chicken. And he's, that's not the scary part. He says, he says, hope you don't mind. We don't have chicken in the world I'm from. And I was like, no! No! No!

No! No! What kind of nightmare world? And from that moment on, Matthew McConaughey was the hero of the movie, because it's like, if I'm gonna roll without chicken, knock that fucking tower down. Bring in the darkness.

That world doesn't deserve to live. No chicken. What I like is that he was cooking that chicken while wearing an apron. Yeah, I mean, well, he might be the walking man, the embodiment of all evil, but he doesn't want to get his clothes all screwed up I mean, no magic is gonna get those days out Allie, he's the man in black. He's known for his outfit. He can't be floppy. Yeah, that's right

It's literally his name. Did they do think he showed up and he's like well, they do have a black apron I mean, it would be dumb for me not to use it I actually remember this scene though. Like all of the plot points, no, but I was like chicken. Yeah. Now the implication here is that Manhattan, Macon, he got to the apartment. Went, boobah. Oh, no one's here.

Guess I'll just check the fridge, see what's in there. And he's just like, what can I do with this stuff? Real, real, real, real, real. That's how I'm trying to challenge. I got him my hands here, guess I'll just check the fridge, see what's in there. And he's just like, what can I do with this stuff? Real, real, real, real, real. That's the kind of challenge I got in my hands here, OK? At this point, he's basically a board babysitter. He's like, well, they said I could have anything in the fridge, so. He's like, it's Thursday, and there's

like four blue aprons here. I don't think they're going to have time to make them all. Don't have time to make them all. I mean, I'm probably going kill him in a second soon. So, Jake's parents, they're dead now. Meanwhile, Jake and Roland are wandering. They wander into a shanty town that happens to have a portal. And just to describe the rich, epic fantasy world that we've been in,

so far we've seen kind of a pebbly desert, a kind of dim swamp, and then this hobo jungle. And that's kind of the extent of mid world, which I guess is what, like, the world of magic and wonderment, and I don't know what. Now Stuart and Dan, you've read some of these books, and Dan, you're all on. Is it supposed to be this is like,

the world is fallen under Walter's evil, and that's why it's so crappy? I can't remember a lot of it because I read like half of them like a long time ago and then two of them this year, but there's like, yeah, there's like, we're radiation. That part is weirder.

Yeah. Dan's life's weirder than a book everybody. The, no, like someone all. It's weirder than some books. Sure, that's right. I would say, I would say, okay, the frog and toe stories, okay, it's weir. They're a frog and a toe that weir clothes and talking at least one story baked cookies and cakes. Which means they have a tiny oven.

How do they fuel it? I don't know, Twigs? I would say Dan's life is a little weirder than those books. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, Midworld is sort of this thing where all these stories that are exist in our world have led over from Midworld, like Wizard of Oz, Harry Potter,

like that it's all kind of like this stew. It's like if you had to make a place out of the inside of Stephen King's brain. Yeah. Okay, I got it. Okay, so that's why it's- So everyone drives like Hot Rods and it's like an crazy gibberish. Yeah, yeah. Slang that never existed.

Exactly. All the black characters are little uncomfortable. And there's always one sexy and we're like, you know, this is not your forte. I feel like. You've done this before, Steven. So they go to the Shanditaown. It's got a portal.

There's also a seer there. And the seer says, oh, Jake, you've got a super shine. You've got a magic psychic powers. The seer named like Aura? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Aura Rose. Yeah, the seer whose name is Psycho Mind. So the fastest way to get to Walter's headquarters,

it's like all the way on the other side of the middle world. Just pop in a teleportal portal to Earth, then pop back into that one to mid world. So that's what they're gonna do. Meanwhile, we learn a little about Roland's backstory. He was a noble gunslinger, but he's been poisoned by his desire for revenge, because he wants to kill the Man and Black.

Now, here's something that I never fully understood. The Man and Black is an evil wizard who wants to destroy the universe, and everyone acts like killing him for revenge would really fuck up saving the universe. But it seems like that is the one thing he has to do. And that his motive really shouldn't have that much to do. Like, is it like if he kills him,

but he, what does it for revenge? Not to say people God will be like, uh-uh, do over. Yeah, this makes a little more sense in the books. Where Randall Flagg is kind of like this minor character almost, like, he's just like, oh, you know, he's like evil, but he's not the most evil. little more sense in the books where Randall Flagg is kind of like this minor character almost. He's like, oh, you know, he's like evil, but he's not the most evil. And the important thing is that he makes it to the dark tower and blah, blah, blah, blah,

no one cares because it has nothing to do with anything. And I'm just boring everyone of this. Dan's reading the back of the book jacket. Yeah, no, it's not the horror master Stephen King. Stephen King, blah, blah, no one cares. Stephen King got really depressed for for already the dark side of the blah blah blah No one cares what's going on if you look on the back of a hardcover Stephen King book is just a big picture of his face They don't even bother to tell you what the books about and you're like, huh?

Okay And then you pick up you pick up a Dean Koen's book and you turn around to his picture. You're like not as scary I'm sorry And then you pick up a Dean Koon's book, and you turn around to his picture, you're like, not as scary. I'm sorry. You're trying, Dean. I have pot, you know, it's just not funny. Maybe killing the man in black is kind of like the way. It's kind of like Christianity, the way you can eat up.

Keep talking. Whoa. The way that you can satisfy your natural urges by eating a pizza, but only for sustenance, not because it's delicious. Oh, I know. Okay. I can't do P.G. I don't know, like, Christianity.

I don't know now. I can use myself. I think it's in, I think it's in, I think it's in, in, in, I think it's in Peter's letter to Papa John. Wait, what? Just keep moving. I don't know. Someone yelled something and I, for a second, I was like, did the movie just tap it? I don't know.

Okay, so they're all like, he's not a gunslinger anymore. Jake's like, no, he's still a gunslinger. And I was like, I don't care if he technically meets the requirements of a gunslinger anymore. Walter sends some trackers to attack the village and they're basically like what NAS Gool dog works. Yeah, they're like orcs or some nonsense. And Roland, how he just made the most dismissive gesture when Orcs came up. Yeah, how many words about Orcs that you think are not important? None of it. The existence of Star Wars. And you are, Lord of the Rings. I guess Star Wars invalidates Orcs. I'm

going to leave that there. There is no way for me to respond to that that it's not in some way man's planning. So I'm just gonna say yes, I agree. I'm time. So anyway, Roland fights back but in kind of the laziest way possible, he just kind of stumbles around the shady town

and if he bumps into a dog man, he shoots them. And meanwhile, they're like picking up kids to see if they're Jake and sniffing them and throwing them in the air, and he's just kind of like stumbling around, and a tracker takes Jake and Roland. That's when he gets his act together, and he uses his amazing daredevil senses to hear all the little things going on around him, so he knows to shoot in that direction, and his bullet hits the tracker right in the back of the head. It's kind of the one time we see him do like a fancy thing

with a gun, other than load it really fast. Wait, do we talk about the scene that I remember? I don't know how he did it. You have to answer to that. Which was when he taught him to shoot. No, we haven't gotten there yet. Oh, okay.

That doesn't happen yet. We'll get there. Anyway, Jake and Roland are like, we gotta get this guy. So they go through the portal to Earth. They end up in a restaurant kitchen. This movie loves kitchen. This is when the movie turns into last action hero.

Yes, because it's like Roland, you're hurt. We gotta get you to a hospital. Uh-oh, this man from the world is good. So you have medicines here of many interesting kinds. Here is a gold coin for your effort. And they go, they go, you have all these diseases. They name three different types of hepatitis that he has. Wait, I have a question.

Were all of those real, no, it wasn't three. It was like, you have hepatitis, A, B, C, E, D, G, D, F. And I'll just, I'll just, Stuart just got up from the table to lay down some law. Not to get on the high horse or anything, but you know this is a fantasy movie when a strange gunslinger from another world has five doctors show up and see him in the hospital.

That's crazy. Maybe he has insurance, Stuart. We don't know. He just gave them his mid-world health card. Sure. That was your searing indictment of the healthcare system. Dan, why is he a problem happening? I just got to say something. Yeah.

I'm just glad Stuart didn't go off on a rant here. Call me like a modern day guns linker. This is this and the next scene where they're on a bus and Idris Elba drinks soda for this first time and yells at some kind of like some some You know girls were dressed a little you know show away You have forgotten the faces of your father They're like hey can we join the party?

They're like can we join the party and goes you forgotten the faces of your fathers? It was what is this I'm drinking sugar? Hmm and like these are the two best scenes in the movie. It's like, I could have watched a home, and it's the oldest story in the book. He's like, like, last action hero, or like, Beast Master 2, and scene of it.

And scene of it, he's like, or, other, blast from the past. Last of the past, yeah. Or, or, or, George of the Jungle. And he's a member of Brendan Fraser movies. For the first time. Like, with honors. Gods and monsters.

Let's go. The school ties, yeah. The new show Trust. Yep, yep, exactly. The affair. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, later seasons of the affair. Yeah, it's just like, I'm this kind of fantasy character now in real life and I don't get it. Which is usually I'm not a huge fan of those

I'm not a huge fan of the fish out of water comedy unless this guy is named Dundee and maybe is half crocodile I think you may have misunderstood those movies, Elliot I'm just like the thing about it is like you can't start to paint your movies because you're like how did his dad do it with a crocodile? Or was his dad the crocodile? It's hard to any so those but those are the best scenes in the movie so it's like I'm ready for them to spend some time on earth. Well don't get too ready because they don't spend that much time on earth. They go to they go to his they see the homeless guy who gave him the prophecy earlier and

they learn where the bad guys hide out is. Instead of going there they go to Jake's apartment and they find what's left of his mom and dad. Which is stormtroopers killed him. The thing that's the thing that's kind of nice about it is you see that Madden Mekanae has burned his mom up to a little crisp. And he freaks out.

But you also see on the wall that Madden Mekanae has left a message that even though he's a powerful wizard, he is not skilled in artwork. Because the smiley Vacy draws is shitty. Uh-oh. He is a master wizard. He is the black sorcerer of evil at the center of the universe. As a tagger, not great.

Like... I mean, maybe his medium isn't burned up mom, I don't know. Fair point. Fair point. It's very hard to work with. It's very unforgiving. Yeah. So, we're also...

So, this is when Jake, Roland teaches Jake how to shoot and teaches him the gun slinger's credo. And, Halle, you want to say something about the scene that you remembered? Halle's Clips arise. It was weird that they said it to the song, walk like a man.

And they started singing along to it and making a pizza the same time. It was actually the scene of stand by me where they're like, la li fa la li. Ha ha ha. Another Stephen King's story. Stephen King themes.

Yeah. No, he was like, I shoot with the heart of my father. I don't shoot with my eyes, or something. If I've done, if I do such and such, I've forgotten the face of my father. I don't aim with my hand, I aim with my eyes. I don't shoot with my gun, I shoot with my heart. I shoot with the heart of my father, I thought they said.

I don't think maybe, I don't remember. I think all of it is like, if you don't do this, you've forgotten the face of your father. Look, Halley, we've established time and time again that you remember the movie better than me. So I'm just going to sit back and say, yes. OK, so I think he does. I mean, I have times of serious lucidity

when all of you like that forget. So, but yes. So honestly, I don't think Matthew McConaughey was wearing an apron in that scene when they were ripping. I'm serious. We're going to have to check the time. This is like, this is like, Baranstein Baranstein. I mean, right now, this is...

And it's Baranstein Baranstein. There never was a Baranstein. Well, I wasn't there, Elliot. Maybe there should have been. And the name was the people who made it. And they're not Jewish, which is why it's not Bernstein or Bernstein. That's what I'm saying. Why couldn't a Jewish family make a bear family books? Dan, now you're being naive. About the society we live in today.

So Halley, I want you to imagine you're in this situation. Idris Elba is teaching you how to shoot with a magic gun. He's teaching you the gunslinger's credo. How would you handle that? Are you ready for a situation like that? Fuck yeah. That's why I thought you were going to say, OK, they go, where else are you going to go?

To a Chinatown hunting store? Oh, wait a minute. This was a controversial scene. I thought. I mean, I was like, I had no idea there were this many sportsmen shooting stores just in the middle of New York in Chinatown. It was very weird. They walked you to a gun store and pulled out a gun and were like, give me all your guns.

And I was like, I mean, I know this is a, you know, placing this in a historical context again. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with this armed robbery of a gun store. You would think that if this gunslinger travels from another dimension, New Jersey, as we've established, to come to Keystone World Earth, you would think that he would go to any other city in America than New York to get guns, right? I do like that this is one gun-based movie

that seems obsessed with the idea of reloading. Like. It's the one thing he does that's really cool. He reloads super fast. Yeah. And that's the one thing he does is a gunslinger. I was like, that's the one thing he does that's really cool. He reloads super fast. Yeah. And that's the one thing he does is a gun sling, where I was like, that's pretty neat. He just like flips it open, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop,

flips it closed because it's a sick shooter. Because, yeah, of course it is. Like, it's a gun slayer. We're kind of gunny, you're gonna sling. It's gotta be sick shooter. But it's, yeah, the movie is very, they wanna make sure to all times that he is fully stocked with ammo.

Because Dan, there's a certain thing called suspension of his belief. You'll believe the big lies if all the small truths are there. Like, you can't just walk into it between the eight streets of Wast Asian. And then just walk out the other track on the other platform. You can't do that. And it makes you believe the part where there's like a goop monster that can change shape that if you shoot it a certain amount of times, it's not dead. But if you shoot it a few more times it is dead.

Yeah. It's like Steve Martin said that he included the weird, like, tennis racket fight at the beginning of Roxanne because he was like, if you put the craziest thing in the beginning of the movie, then everything else seems sensible. That's just a fact about Roxanne. I think that's true.

I was like, yes, someone could totally have a nose that big. I mean, I didn't think it was that big. I mean, it's above average size. He drank, he drank glasses of water out of his nose. Wait, out of his nose. Wait, out of it. Don't you remember the movie? He likes to see the nose in a glass. Oh, right. Okay, so.

So that's a movie I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rob San is one of those movies that I saw many times as a kid and I was like, well, I'm a grownup. I'll get this. And I have yet, I just haven't gotten around

to seeing it as a grownup. Neither am I. Yeah. The kid's only Roxanne club. Halle and Elliott, no adults allowed. We're gonna watch Roxanne. We don't really get it, but okay. Anyway, and the gun store, Walter shows up

as an astral projection. He just taunts Roland and traps him so that Jake can get captured by his trackers Well Roland is shooting people and trying to track down Jake Jake gets strapped into that psychic beam chair Roland makes it to Mathemokana his New York base which seems to be some sort of ancient shopping mall Yeah, I couldn't quite figure it was like this little part of New York It was also Blade Runner that was also a million years old. Yeah-hmm. Yeah. And it's isolated enough that nobody will hear a million gunshots go up.

Somebody ricochet the sound bouncing off of every pavement and glass surface in there. Yeah. And so anyway, Roland shoots and kills pretty much everyone in New York. Well, Jake is fighting back in that psychic chair. He's too strong. He's holding the portal to New York, open himself with his mind. Oh, no! Roland comes through and would you know it?

It's time for that big duel we've been waiting for. Roland, the man with the gun, who's immune to magic. Walter, the man with magic, who's immune to guns? Who's gonna win? And so Walter pulls out that same telekinetic, I'm gonna wave my hands and a big thing that glass flies through the air stuff we've seen 20 million times with the past decades. Do you think there's a moment in the ad campaign for like the DVD release where they're like, you think Thanos is a bad guy? He wants to kill half the universe. Walter wants to kill everyone.

Go see this movie, Dirt Tower on DVD. There reminds me of a, there was an ad that was in the newspaper once when Incredible Hulk came out on DVD. And it said, just as good as Iron Man. Ha ha ha ha. Said Greg. In the Marvel marketing department. That was, I was like, oh, come on. That's not a winning sales slogan.

Anyway, there's some fancy fight and then Roland gets a girder dropped on him. There's the part, as we mentioned, Matt got an 8 catches a bullet and then tosses it back real fast like he's skipping a stone across a lake and it looks hilarious. Roland gets a girder. And then he teaches his son to do it. Oh, great. There you it. Oh, great. A very good to. Some day all this will be yours, but then I'm going to destroy it together.

Oh, gee, like to be honest, that would have made the movie instantly more interesting to me, is he if he was like a loving dad. Look how many skips I can get with this bullet. I can't get that many, Dad. No, you just got practice. I've been doing this a lot longer than you did. One day, you'll learn it soon. Now let's go kill it, Resilbo.

Yeah, I remember him from the office, that one season. And he just said, I was like, how is that when everyone remembers me from? I was in the wire. I was almost James Bond, but racism. I'm enjoying this movie that Elliot and Halle are starring in. Well, the idea that there's like a supervillain who really needs to bond with his signs

was like, I guess, let's destroy the universe together. Yeah, Elliot loves the Austin Powers movies. Oh, you're right, they did that. Nevermind, forget it. Speaking of Scott Evil, this movie does also have the crime of having friends in it from Dollhouse and Cabin of the Woods, and totally not using it. I want to college with him. I don't remember him from the movie at all.

What? Yes, I went... Halley, you waited this long. Halley. Halley. You went to college with somebody who was in the movie and you shouldn't know he was in the movie. Absolutely not.

I know that I went to college with the sister of Dean Camper and from Scheef's school. That's true. That's true. That's true. And I tell everybody this. Who was he in the movie? He's kind of like his major domo and his weird life. Yeah, he's the guy with the floppy hair, right?

And he's always like, it's not working. Yeah, that was his- There was an on-authorized portal entry. He's the guy who gives bad mood. He was the one who fucks up and then Madden McConaughey's way of punishing him is burning some other lady's face. Yeah, he's the guy, there's the guy in every one of these movies who's the main sidekick to the bad guy and he's the one character who can give the bad guy bad news and not get

killed. Like, who's the guy, in Star Wars, there's one admiral that Darth Vader loves and he doesn't kill him. Oh, I've got it! Okay, all right, good. Okay, wait, let me buckle my seatbelt. No, honestly, I started to now whenever, whenever it wasn't happening on Keystone Earth.

So, they're fighting. Anyway, Jake uses telepathy to help Roland at his lowest moment by reciting mentally the gunslingers' creed with him. Roland's like, fancy shooting isn't gonna be enough to take this guy down. I better do super fancy shooting. And he shoots one bullet, and Matamacani goes to catch that, and then he shoots that bullet with another bullet

to ricochet off of it and go past his hand into his heart. Boy! Boy! Boy! And the Matt McHenry shot so fast, he can shoot faster than bullets fly. Yeah. This was something wanted bending bullet shit.

And when Matt McHenry McHenry dies, he emotes exactly as much as he has the rest of the movie. For a while, I'm like, I don't think he's dead because he's acting the exact same. Watch out, guys. Now, wait, now, did Walter slow down the bullet or it's just he just shoots it real fast? I can't remember now. I don't know, dude. I didn't read the fucking novelization. Okay, well, anyway, and then, and then Roland's like,

yeah, I'm a gunslinger and he's just shooting everything. He shoots through a strange soft of Jake's chair so he can get out, he shoots the psychic laser machine and the whole headquarters blows up. And it's like, he's like, I'm a shooting fool. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, save the day. Uh, Jake and Roland, they say the universe, they're gonna celebrate the same way everyone does

after Avengers with a street cart hot dog. it's like we better throw this into Stark early. We'll have the characters do like kind of an everyday street food thing. Nobody's done that in a movie, right? Um, Roland is with him and their and a mid world. And on Keystone Earth, Roland's like, so you want to come with me back there, gunsslinger and Jake is like, well, my parents are dead, and everyone here thinks I'm crazy. So like, yeah, dude, I'll go back and be a good slinger with you. Well, we have chicken here, so I'll stay. Like, I mind-melded with a seer,

and it was the closest I'm ever going to come to kissing a girl. So like, yeah, I want to go back to that world. And that's the end of the movie. And I kept skipping ahead through the credits to find the post-credits sequence about a sequel but there was none. The story has been told. Capstone to Capstone. Yeah. Let's go on the IMDB and add to crazy credits that there's a director in this movie. Oh! Woo! Woo!

That's me Duncan. Uh, so let's do our final judgments on this movie, whether it was a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie kind of liked Elliot, what do you have to say? This was a very boring movie. I will say this for the movie. Well, in our classification system, bad, bad. It was very boilerplate by the movie. Well, in our classification system, bad, bad. It was very boilerplate by the numbers. It did not transport me to a magical world of craziness

and whimsy and whacking-ness and super guns. But I was like, I've always been trepidacious about starting the Dark Tower books because they are very long and there's a lot of them. And I like Stephen King a lot. But every time I about to start a Stephen King book, I'm like, how is this going to turn out. Is this going to be really good or is it going to be awful? Because he only has two settings. But you know what? I, and I like, I love a lot of his books. I love

misery. I love the long walk, even though I know this technically, a Bachman book. You know, he is a lot of good stuff, but it's cell is really good until the last chapter or so. This movie made me more curious than anything else ever to read these books, because I'm like, what is it in these books? They felt was so interesting that they needed to ruin it by doing it this way. So I really want to read those books now, but Bad Bad Movie.

What do you guys think? Howdy. Howdy., but bad, bad movie. What do you guys think? Allie. Allie. I would say a bad, bad, and what I kept thinking about was, I mean, you guys watch a lot more of these like super shitty movies than I do, but I'm constantly surprised. I was like, right, but I was like, wow,

Matthew McConaughey, Ejras Elba, not the other person who I thought, you guys clarified was Matthew person, who I thought it was. Dennis Hayesberg said this, yes. I believe Jack's mom is played by a woman who was also in Geostorma movie we recently watched. Woo, Geostorm, why couldn't we watch that again?

When you finish a movie and you're like, I wish I was watching Geostorm again. Not a good time for the movie. But it made me, well at first I was like, how much do they get paid for this? Because this is such a bad movie, like why wouldn't you, isn't there some universe in which even if you got paid a lot for it, you would just feel so humiliated to have your name on it. And then I was like, I mean, it's boring. I don't know, I wouldn't go as far as to say it is like.

I was like, it's the low with the Italian stallion or something like that. No, it definitely is. Like fucking, his elbow was in the wire. Like he's in all this good stuff, Madden, Mekona. Like they've been in legit stuff. Like why would you- He's playing Nelson Mandela, but that's what,

but that's what like- Matthew McCommey. Wait, I know we were talking about Interceptible. Oh, that makes more sense. But I was, it was just like, oh yeah. These are people are actors. They just like play, they're just like in really good movies. They're not, they're just playing roles.

Yeah. And it was a challenge, my perception of the universe, but it was a learning experience. So bad, bad, yeah. Yeah, you guys already pulled back the curtain on what I was going to say, which was that like, It was a learning experience. So bad bad, yeah. Yeah. You guys already pulled back the curtain on what I was going to say, which was that, like, I don't want to make you guys feel jealous. I don't want to make the audience hear feel bad. But the last live show we did was Geostorm, which was an amazing pan movie.

And this one was just 90 minutes of a thing that happened. And so I say, bad, bad. Yeah, it feels very much like, I guess, the first season of a TV show that has been edited down for content into just, into like 85 minutes of movie. So yeah, it's bad, bad, don't watch it. Avoid. 85 minutes of movie. So yeah, it's bad bad don't watch it avoid. Hey guys, hope you're enjoying this live show. You know what that means? It's Dan McCoy. That's me doing a solo ad read. Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm woo woo woo woo woo woo. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not very tired. It's... I'm doing this on the week of... on the week of daylight savings. I've had a lot

of late nights. I just had a very heavy soup with a lot of rice, a lot of tarot in it just just a lot of starch and I'm struggling but for you I will bring the energy that was the energy it's gone now hey guys the flop house is supported in part by square space and you know what it is it's a service that helps you do a website, which this is the 90s now. If Captain Marvel taught me anything. And the internet is going to be big. So maybe you need a website. And if you want a website, you can go to Squarespace, which will help you turn your cool idea into one of those their internet sites that people can click on with the hyperlinks. You can blog or publish content, you can sell products and services of all kinds, and get this according

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So that's pretty good, right? That's a pretty good deal, right? What a segue. Next thing. Hey, Jembo Trons, we all love him. Here's one. Please, listen to this. We're Alberto, Mickey, and Brandon. Three lifelong friends united through a love of movies and each other. Please join us as we goof around about the newest Hollywood blockbusters and delve into the films of the Criterion collection who are ever demystifying the notion that the love of popcorn films and classic foreign and arthouse cinema are incongruous. Please listen to our cool podcast, the three friends grow. Nope. There's no grow in there. Let's try it again. Let's try and give the people what they paid for, not confuse the audience. Listen to our cool podcast,

the three friends go criterion at the threefriends.com Apple podcasts, Stitcher or the pod catcher of your choice, nice of them to let you choose. Hey, here's a personal message. This message is for Joe, and it is from Emily last name withheld. Emily writes, it's rare to find someone who can appreciate a great wallpaper like Stuart.

Make words sound like other words like Elliott and enjoy this wife's butt as much as any Dan could ever do. I am lucky to have you in my life and wanted to make it known in the most public way possible via podcast. Yes, I got you baby. Wait, no wait, sorry. Yes, I got you a baby. Hope it fits. I had her monogrammed. No returns. Look, I hope this isn't the way that you're announcing that you're pregnant. If the person that you have the baby with doesn't know, then either, I mean, I guess there's situations where you're not living in the same place.

I don't want to put anything on you guys. I don't know your deal. I don't know what your thing is. But, but if you're living in the same place, and he hasn't noticed that you're pregnant yet. You may want to look into others or arrangements. I'm not saying that he's not a dud per se. I'm just saying that he may not be the most observant person. You know, I mean, even if it's early on, the fact that you're constantly going to the, you know what, I don't know anything about pregnancy. What am I talking about? Why am I even doing this? This bit does not work.

It's possibly offensive. I don't know anything about pregnancy. Like, I have to admit my, I have to, you know, it's my branding. Dan McCoy is the guy who does not know about pregnancy. It's on my business cards. Guys, look, I'm happy for you. Joe, an Emily last name with Hell. Congratulations on the baby. I hope I haven't ruined things by the way I read that. It's a, I blame the tarot root. It was very starchy. There's a few things that I should let you guys know about.

Number one, we're going on tour. Yeah, if you want to hear me not do this, do it better because there are two other people helping me do it, then you can come see us on tour. And listen, we've got four tour dates all across the Greenland of ours. The first one is June 8th in Portland. We're going to be at Revolution Hall. The second is July 13th, Minneapolis at the Parkway. The

third is September 28th, Boston. That's at City Space and in all likelihood we will be doing two shows in that one night at Boston, the venue seats 250. So if we sell out the first, we are going to do a second. And on October 12th, in LA, we'll be at the Regent Theater again. We played the Regent Theater once more, once before in Los Angeles,

but Stewart was unable to attend due to back problems. So this will be the first full team flop house live show and loss Angeles. And if you go to the website, the listing for this show should have links to all of these, take it links for all of these. We also have a live shows page. And we'll see whether I've remembered to update the live shows page by the time you get this

podcast. I am not good at doing that, but I will do it as soon as I can and I also remember. Hey, here's a thing remember. Hey, here's a thing, Max Fund Drive, it's coming up, it's just around the corner. And next week would normally be an off week for the Flophouse podcast. You know that we do a bi-monthly show or bi-weekly show. Weirdly they could mean the same thing depending on how you're using those words. Once every other week, that's the easiest way of saying it. But in this case, because of the Max Fun drive, we are doing an extra show to fall smack right down in the middle of said drive. And we'll talk a lot more about how you should donate to Max Fun then, but if you cannot wait the Drive website,

we'll go live at maximumfun.org slash donate on Monday, March 18. So all of that is great. I guess I don't know. I'm just running on autopilot at this point. Hey, hope you're enjoying the show. Let's get back to it. All right. Okay. Now what do we do, Dan? Looks like that gun has been slung, and that is hours. We have forgotten the face of our fathers. So, uh, hissing. That's weird.

So... There's a snake loose in the audience. No, no, parcel tongue. This is the part where, so we like to take some questions from the audience. We're going to take as many as we can. We don't have all that much time because we always went way too long. What damn men is we're going to take as many as we can within the time limits? Yes. He didn't mean, look, we're gonna take as many as we can within the time limits. Yes, he didn't mean look

We're doing this until we drop dead No, the next like 15 minutes or so. So we have a microphone set up over here. Please get in line It's yeah, and as always because we are strapped for time because we talked a long time Please if you could try to Please, if you could try to bull you over your question down to the most relevant nub. And please avoid any stories about how much you love the podcast. Because we know you love it. You're here. Thank you very much.

Wow. Jesus. Very, very, uh, a lot of you go in that. And it says no wedding proposals. I'm sorry. I know you guys bought tickets to see the show because you hate us. It's like in the Simpsons when she was in the second best band, Lisa. And they just started booing and she goes, why would they pay to boo us?

All right, so the people who are in line, hello. Yeah, that's the microphone. Yeah, hi, a whole name with hell, You don't need to know who I am. So recently, I was reading some articles about the 1988 remake of The Blob, as you do. And a number of people who have seen this movie are laboring under the delusion that the titular blob is a metaphor for the AIDS crisis.

I don't know if you guys have seen that movie. It's not. It's not about that at all. So Liz, this is not a question yet. No, no, no. Hey, this is you talking about an article you read. No, this is first, it's multiple articles. Second.

No, that's the hot take microphone. That's the hot take. The question is, can you guys think of any examples when people have claimed that there was something deep in subtext rule in a movie when there just was not. It just was not there. I mean, that's kind of what the entirety of the movie Room 237 is, the shine documentary,

which is an amazing movie. And it was like, all these people being like, this is what the shining is about. And you hear them talking about, you're like, that is crazy. But it was like, I watched that movie and I'm like, oh, this is a movie about how people need God. They need to believe in kind of like an all powerful hand

that has created a reason for things. Because arbitraryness does not fit into the view of the universe, and it's a really good movie. But that's basically all movies people being like, so that's what the shining is about. And you're watching, you're like, what are you talking about? It's about Stephen King's battle with his own alcoholism. That's what he said that's what it's about.

I also kind of feel that way about the original invasion of the body's natures, where everyone's like, oh, this is a movie about anti-communist hysteria. And it's like, well, it couldn't easily be read just as like communist hysteria. Like, either way, I feel works. Like, you can't really like say like,

oh, he was meaning ironically. You don't know that. Like, I don't know. That's not very funny he was meany ironically. You don't know that. Like, I don't know. That's not very funny, but that's what I came to my mind. I thought that way about the love song of J. Alfred Proofrock. I was like, this is just like silly. The guy wants to be a crab.

Like, that's a Daniel Tiger type stuff. I hope that answers your question. Hi, I'm John last name with held. Hi, thank you to Elliott for his streaming purposes. I wish. Thank you to Elliott for his extremely informative presentation before the show about the differences between the New York boroughs. I was just wondering if there's a quintessential New York experience for each of you that you could say for someone to do if they were here. Say on vacation. Well, if you ever want to go on a kill spree to free a teen prostitute from Harvey Kaita. Always. If you ever want to go on a kill spree to free a teen prostitute from Harvey Kaita always

I feel like you you can't call yourself a New Yorker till you've done that If you want a quintessential New York experience, I say that um if you ever come across a subway car with nobody in it Definitely go into that car. Yeah. And just enjoy the sin. Because then you get the joy of, you get the joy of, you want to go to the next car and you will. You get the joy of it. Each station watching other people have the experience you just had.

Yeah. I was just going to say go to, if you go anywhere along, beautiful, fourth Avenue here in Brooklyn, you're gonna see many high-rise going up, so there's gonna be a lot of construction crews and just follow one of those construction workers when they walk away and then open their car door and then just pee on the ground.

Because that's crazy. I guess I can't see your dick, so it's cool. Howdy, how many advice do we move on? Howdy, yeah, what's it like? I mean, Western gas transplant like you. I didn't think you were asking for suggestions. I thought you were asking us to tell you our quintessential New York experiences. I mean, I think you can do that too, if you want.

Oh, OK. Well, mine was definitely when Tom Hanks proposed me at the top of the Eiffel Tower. I'm sorry, the time of the Eiffel Tower? Is that what he's like? Yeah, New York's famous Eiffel Tower. Yeah, Dan, win and roam. All right, that's the best answer that could possibly have been given. So it should move along. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I just had a question about now that Elliott's moved to the West Coast and has seen kind of the movie business

over there. I was wondering, let's assume I've seen it over there. Now that you're like a big Hollywood star, I'm going to be a lot to the door and banging again, saying, let me in, let me in. So would you say that, I guess, is kind of more for Elliott, but would you say that the East Coast or the West Coast has more of an artsy movie scene, like private viewings

and indie shows and stuff like that. Actually, to be honest, it's both, it's pretty competitive. Both of them, in LA has this reputation, especially in New York, for being like this really culturalist, classless place, but you, like, there's all these people out there who are making things because they want to make this. And dancing to jazz and stuff. Yeah, yeah, they're all, and there's a all, and there's a lot of people dancing to like,

there's a lot of people dancing to music that reminds you of better music. That was, but there's a lot of that stuff in LA. And it's like, I'm kind of the wrong person to ask, because as a parent, I don't get to go out and do that stuff very much. But I feel like New York has get to go out and do that stuff very much. But I feel like New York has a fair amount and LA has a fair amount.

There's both a lot of it. And the only difference is that in New York, if you walked a block, you'll stumble on someone making either a student film or a law and order episode. But in LA, someone has to tell you, like go to this place, it's really cool. So they're there, but it's a lot easier to find them in New York.

Moving on. Are you more questions for me please? Yeah. Hey guys, it's me, Will. Hey Will. Hello. I'm glad to see all the peaches in the same basket. That's what we call our bed people, chill out.

So I really have been waiting for years just to play radio zork. Oh, sure. Damn, look at me. I have a radio zork, everybody. Many have tried to have succeeded. Wait, wait. So what do you do? If I remember, I think last time we listened to a door.

I really just want to get through that door. So is Elliot is get through a door of valid command? You walk into the door. Do I get that? Alan, you say clutching your nose. The door remains closed. We'll find out what happens next time in the next episode of Radio Zork.

Thanks for playing the game. What was it called? The BOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOOB Introduce yourself. Alright. K-cell. You have former coworker of me. Yeah. Why is everyone being fucking weird and not being gay? Congrats on the Emmy. I love you. Fernando says hi. Okay, thank you.

Here's the question. I'm a man of tradition, so I'll keep it the same. Sure, yeah. If you had to human sense of peed, Oh, this old chestnut, huh? Does it cheat? Of course. OK.

If you had to human centipede the justice league. OK. In what order would it be? Well, do we have to be involved in the human centipede or do we just have to make them into a human centipede? I mean, if you want to be involved, I can't. I feel like I'm digging this. I guess I can opt out.

No, no, no. Let me just say this, guys. You want to opt out of this human centipede. Because at some point, Superman's shit is going to come flying at the speed of like a bullet. You don't want to be in the path of that. So put them at the back is what you're saying. Yeah, I'm saying Superman goes at the back and then put Martian manhunter behind him.

I hate that guy. Oh, wow. He's like, I'm Superman but I'm green. He's like, oh I'm weak because of fire. Everyone is dude, that's not special. Yeah, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do this to anyone. Why do I have to be playing God with a human sydope?

Dan, you asked me this. It goes to the possibility when you started a podcast. It goes, uh, Marshmahon Hunter in the back, then Superman, then Dan McCoy, and then Aquaman. I think we all covered it. Okay. Yeah, that sounds good. That sounds good. Thank you, guys. good. Sounds good.

Thank you, guys. Love you, Steve. Yes. What's up, Martin, last name with help? So when I was first getting into movies, and I would be around people who knew about movies, I'd probably pretend sometimes I knew more about than I actually did, so I didn't look like an idiot.

That's called being a man. Yep. And as I've got older, I do like all the time. grown out of it. But so I get my question is when have you lied about having seen a movie and why? Oh. I know what's happened.

I just can't think. Oh, yeah. I can't remember. No, I mean, like I think it happened a long time ago. Is the thing like I now I'm an adult and I'm just like, I mean, I think it happened a long time ago as a thing. Like, now I'm an adult and I'm just like, I haven't seen that movie. One of the fucking, like,

but when I was a kid, I thought it was important to... Yeah, you think people will think less of you. Exactly. If you haven't seen, I don't know, whatever. Like, I'm trying to think what, there were so many movies I faked having seen. It was younger. No, I saw that.

I lied about seeing Waken fright for a while, and then I admitted, I've never seen it. I want to. Oh, it's a good movie. I've been so having gotten around to it. I know it's good. That's why I lied about it. I often lie.

I don't lie so much about having seen things. I lie about having a herd of things. People would be like, the trailer for Sessions has dropped. I'm like, oh, yeah, how's it look? And the implication is, oh, I'm aware of that. But really, recently, people have been like, the trailer for Sessions has dropped. I'm like, oh yeah, how's it look? And the implication is, oh, I'm aware of that. But really, recently people have been like, oh, hereditary is coming out excited.

And of course I am. And I'm like, then I'm like, Google, hereditary. Do you work in the TMZ office now? How? Howie, I assume that this idea is almost completely foreign to you. No, I think I've probably done that tonight. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

But I just know you guys... You've never seen Roxanne? No, I've seen Roxanne. But I also know that you guys are doing it way more than you admit. You're like, oh yeah, when I was younger, I'm like, Elliot, come on. You do that all the time. I say, I only pretend I know things. I don't pretend I've seen things.

Because I've seen things, Halle. Paral things. Paral things. All right, moving on. Hey, Joe last name with health. A few months ago I was on a flight, and I watched the entirety of suicide squad over somebody's shoulder.

Completely on mute, did not think to put it on the screen myself. What's the last movie you're ever watching over someone's shoulder on a plane? I watched the vast majority of Valerian over someone's shoulder. And I think that's having seen it not over someone's shoulder. I think that's the better way to watch it. I also really enjoyed seeing people watching Dunkirk on a plane. That's having seen it not over someone's shoulder. I think that's the better way to watch it. I also really enjoyed seeing people watching Duncirk on a plane.

And gravity, that was another great one. The only time I've ever seen any of Avatar was the guy next to me was watching it on a plane. And I was like, I've never seen that movie, but I know that's not the way to watch that movie. And it made me think that James Cameron was somewhere going like, ah, why do I hurt all of a sudden? I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Dan McCoy.

I watch movies on planes all the time. I don't watch over people's shoulders. How did you have anything or what should we move on? No, I don't, I don't know. I watched Nacho Libre once, twice in a row on a plane. Because the first time I saw it. Did you worry you missed it? So that, that, that increases the world-like total

of people watching Nacho Galee break the four. It was so funny. The first time I was like, I'm ready to go again. Let me back it on that roller coaster. You weren't like, well, time for me now that I know the ending, time for me to decode that puzzle. Yeah, sir. Josh last name with Hild.

So about an hour and a half ago, my phone was like, hey, you're supposed to be at the bellhouse in 10 minutes to see the flop house. I was like, oh, shit, that's tonight. And I got in the cab and I got here. So do you have a stirring tale of survival? Yes. And triumph over the odds for your consideration.

And my nervousness is masking my enthusiasm for making it, but is there something, have you had a near miss recently or a memorable one in your life? You guys, I feel like I heard those stories from Dana Stewart literally right before the show. Yeah, so. Well, yesterday, yesterday, my wife and I went to the Bronx Zoo Which is amazing. It's great. We took us forever to get there and we only had an hour

But I did still see some fucking giraffes So we rushed all the way back to Brooklyn and traffic was terrible and we're like we have tickets to go see an early Screening of oceans eight at the draft house. I'd even bought my, I'm very excited. I even bought my wife the commemorative pint glass to put on my collection of other Mondo Star Wars pint glasses. Like, we're going to do it up. It's Wednesday, baby. And we, and we end up, you know, parking and we went down and had some food and we got

all the way up to the Draft House and I'm like, I believe you owe me one glass please and he's like, for what? So low and I'm like, no, for Ocean's 8. And he's like, oh, you're pretty early, right? And it turns out that the ticket I had bought was for a screening at a Yonkers. Oh, I know. Oh, I know.

And Yonkers isn't even that far from the fucking Bronx scene. You could have ridden a giraffe over there. Elliot, I have no idea what you're implying that I almost missed. You were telling the story about showing up on the wrong day for a movie that you did. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I like wise. I like wise, went to the Alma draft house on the wrong Monday. They were having a Frank Hannon-lotter retrospective, the guy did basket case and Frank and Hooker and brain damage. I was gonna go see the movie Bad Biology about a woman with seven clits

who meets a man with a giant sentient penis and they have a romance. You know, Shakespeare's told it best. And I showed up on the wrong Monday and I was like, fuck, all right, I've spent my whole night on this. It's 9.30, what else are they showing showing here and like what they're showing was there was a video vortex of secret agent double-o soul starring Bility Williams directed by Bility Williams is stunt double on return of the Jedi and so I went to see that and you know bad dramas are fun and bad comedies are like punching yourself in the eye.

And so I decided like 15 minutes in a movie like well this is going to be a nice nap that I'm going to take for the next 90 minutes and that's what I did. So that's my story. But I think I think we may actually if we do it fast, we may actually have time enough to get through the entire line. So let's do it fast. This is quick Nick last time with held. My only question is did any of you notice that Matthew McConaughey only use the word magic and plural through all of the dark tower. Those only magic. Yes. Do you have any thoughts on it?

The very wikini way of saying it. You mean like wikini wikini whack? Yeah. You know, I didn't notice that. I mean, he gives such a sleepy performance. I just wasn't paying that much attention. He's a very charismatic actor and I know that when you have a mccanae, you're gonna stick him in as many scenes as possible, especially because

Roland's not the most exciting hero, but man, it was boring. Wow, I didn't have a scathing review of his performance. I was like, he's trying something new. He's very handsome. For too long, Matthew McConaughey has leaned on the crutch of his charisma. His performances, finally, is experimenting with no charisma. I liked it. Yes, sir. So the first thing I just wanted to say was, I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as,

I think, with the B.G. episode where Halley tried to explain that Dan was a ghost. And that was probably the hardest I've ever laughed at an episode of The Flop House. But the other thing is, in this movie, Dems Hayesburg and Jack Erol Haley kind of played characters that basically an extra could have played. So I wanted to know, what is the role that basically an extra could have played.

So I wanted to know what is the role in any terrible movie that you think a kind of good actor was kind of wasted on? But don't you want to know how much they got paid? That was my question. It's great. I'm sure Dennis Hayesbury was paid. Well, very handsomely. That's what I'm saying.

We already addressed it in the podcast, but we watched, what was it, the layover? Yeah. And it was just baffling the fact that they put CalPen in a role where they gave him no jokes. CalPen and Molly Shannon. Yeah, they were just like, hey, we've got funny actors. So I guess we can give them this drama script that we wrote.

It's like, and William H. Macy has some kind of black male material against both of them. I don't know. He's a pie-piper character. And he's just, you know, goes to the town steals all the children. Yeah, good. Have you seen this was the most fucked up crazy example

I ever saw of this? Did you guys ever see that movie when Tony Collette was like a rock journalism report? She was like a rock journalist. And she had dated some big music star who had disappeared. Do you guys... Was that... and it was fucking Johnny Depp. Who had no life?

Who had no life? This character had disappeared. So it was basically like she had dated this guy who was this huge rock star and had disappeared and it was the 20th anniversary of his disappearance. And the whole movie is about her trying to find him and she goes to his, like she finds him and it's Johnny Depp in the last like two seconds.

Am I wrong? I am? What is it? Oh, but I want to see this movie. I'm really curious about it. You're the first one to see it. It's because it does look like a long-distance. It's Jackie Dapp.

Doesn't? No. That's how I- I'm scared with the velvet gold mine I saw. Because in my- Jack year old puppy. I'm always wrong about this kind of stuff. So I'm totally willing to admit that.

But it was literally like he came out and like stood next to a picket fence. And she was like, hey, and he was like, hey, and then he disappeared from me. How am I wrong? I'm seriously wondering, wait, you know. I'm sorry. How is giving the microphone to an audience member? This is like Bruce Springsteen dancing in the dark video. Well, as Christian Bale was the journalist,

Tony Colette was in it. You were right about that. She was the wife of the singer who was Jonathan Reese Myers. And you and McGregor was in it. I said, you got the part about Tony Collette, right? But it was. I don't think we can untangle this fucking knot right now. I feel like you're definitely.

He's like fucking Rashaman now. Yeah, I don't know. It feels like, I feel like I'm watching Hally in front of an audience learn that the tooth fairy was her parents the whole time. No, I, I wanna get to the bottom of this, but this might not be the dream. Right into who was in Velocale find care of Hally Hally

at the tension the flop house. One, two, three, fake street. Halley's swimming very, very dubiously. No, because they were like, you dated him. You're the one to write this story. Never write. All right, we'll figure it out. Look, I had to answer for that question, but I can't top Halley's journey of self discovery.

All right, we've got to get these last couple discovery. I told him I'm pretty believing I'm wrong about this. Alright, we gotta give it the last question. I can't follow that, but my question was, do you think the gunslinger could beat Omar Little and brother Muzone in a gun fight? No, no. No, he couldn't. I mean, Omar Spoiler Alert was killed by a child.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, Dan. Dan! Hold on, Dan. What is wrong with you? Number one, that just shows how amazing his game was because it took the innocence of a child, the only type of person who can figure out that that planet and Star Wars was erased from the Galactic Library system. And a child, the only the only person who can bring down the dark towers, a mind of a child, I guess.

Yes, exactly. Yeah. I would say, all more all the way, even though yes, he does announce that he's coming very clearly. And he uses a very unwieldy weapon that needs to be reloaded very frequently. And he's based on a character that doesn't exist in real life. Unlike the guns, Linger. Well, no, I mean in the world of the wire, they're like, it's going to be this super real

look at the world of guns. That's world of drugs. But we're also going to throw a boba fed in there. Because every story needs a boba fed. Okay, last question of the night. Hey guys, how are you? Thank you so much. Thank you, lady and gentlemen.

That's my third. That's my third. Well, it's my third live show. Which is amazing. And I want to talk to you guys more of us. Maybe when you were talking to me. Now's the time. I want to talk to you more. Why are you talking about tonight? Just so you guys more of us maybe when you were talking to him. Now's the time.

I want to talk to you more. Why are you talking about tonight? Just so you guys have no idea. No, he has a toothpick in his mouth right now. It's out. I don't have anyone. I want to talk to you about what you guys were talking about tonight and other topics. But is your anywhere are you guys going to have a beer somewhere?

I think I'm going to have for this. I know we're going gonna go somewhere after this. Yeah, well, a media line for the show, we're gonna be outside signing stuff, I guess, if you want that. And if anyone wants that for some reason, that'll happen. And then we're gonna all, and, well, not all of us. I'm going to end up at, yeah.

You can side dance, tits. I would say, at least one half of us will probably end up at Hitchell and Zbar. Hitchell and Zbar in Kensington, Brooklyn. I know it's a school night, but if people want to come out, that's where it'll be. OK, Dan, big energy finale. Wait, I'm hearing what's the address from someone who

sounds suspiciously like a co-owner of that bar. It's 739 Church Avenue. Just punch that into your app. 739 Church Avenue. All right, but thank you so much for coming. Thank you for sitting through all this. It's gotten longer than it usually does. But thank you to Halley for being here. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Uh, it's so great to be back doing a show in New York.

Yeah. Yeah! And thank you to everyone at the Bell House. Thank you to everyone at the Bell House. Yeah. For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. For the flop house, I've been Stuart Wellington! For the flop flop as I've been steward willing to. For the flop as Elliott Kalin, that's me.

For the flop as Hallie Hagling. Bye! So Dan's making real progress is what I'm saying. I've been waiting so long to hear you say that, Elliott. On this episode of the show, we discuss, and that's not how we do it, right? I call it a podcast, right? That's what I do. You know what, guys? I think too much unirred praise has made Dana foolishly overconfident. I retract what I said. Never in my years have I seen someone backslide so quickly.

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