The Flop House - Ep.# 291 - Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom LIVE

Episode Date: August 17, 2019

We're taking a very brief summer break from new recording, and taking the opportunity to release one that we've been holding on to for too long -- Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Recorded at Stuart and Dan's very own alma mater, Earlham College, in Richmond, Indiana! Wikipedia summary for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom LIVE SHOW DATES 2019! September 28 – BOSTON – WBUR CitySpace (early show SOLD OUT, but there are still tickets to the later show!) October 12 – LOS ANGELES – The Regent Theater

On this episode of the podcast, we discuss Jurassic World, Fallen Kingdom. Live from Irlam College! Hey everyone and welcome to the Flap House, I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington, and I'm Elliot Kael Kalen and we are Bluff house Yep All right, we don't normally do it that way with that flying Now guys, we're doing this from a special location that might be a little bit of surprised anyone who didn't listen to the opening Yeah, go on we're at Earlham College in Richmond, Indiana where Dan and Stuart first met as we lads. Uh-huh. We're two tiny little guys. Yeah. Dan was two years less tiny.

Now I believe the story is that Dan you were the president of the nerd fret and Stuart, you're the president of the like party fret. Uh-huh. Well I wasn't the president so much as like the the guy that kept changing the basement and pulled out only for special events. There are no Greek houses on this campus, but there's no free houses. There were definitely some free houses. That was cool. Yeah, so we'll stop doing Earl and Pacific chatter and we'll

get into what we actually do on this podcast, which is all business when you that Earl, he wants to look professional in front of his former college student colleagues And I have to see their in the audience I feel like I have to assume the crusty Dean that was always mad at you Well, I feel like I feel like Dan's wardrobe has been auditioning for like a college professor job for a long time Yeah judging by your wardrobe Dan, I think you work here. Yeah, every time you look in the mirror, you're like,

that's a wonderful way. For the listener at home, I have a cardigan and a tie. A cardigan and a tie. So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast other than make fun of you? No, that's it. and a tie. So Dan, what do we do on this podcast other than make fun of you? No, that's it. We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. In this case, we watched, as we said, in the intro, Jurassic World, Fallen Kingdom. The sequel to Jurassic World, the Kingdoms do an okay. And of course, there was the prequel Jurassic World, building the Kingdom. Should we just dive into this movie? So and and we haven't seen it.

I guess not. We haven't seen the first one though, right? That was, I saw it. Neither of us saw the original Jurassic World, which I know as a dinosaur boy, that's an issue. And I wish I had seen it. Is that how you identify L, it is a dinosaur boy? Yeah, L is a dinosaur boy.

I'm a tarzan boy. Okay. I mean, I don't like labels, but on the spectrum, I guess that's where I fall. All right. I have dinosaur boy tendencies. OK.

Now, Jurassic Park, of course, as regular listeners would know, was a very important movie to me. It's how I date all human history. Is that 1993 for me is the year 1 JP. And every year before that is dated as BJP with Jurassic Park. And every year after that is AJP after Jurassic Park. So you think I would have gone to see Jurassic World,

but for some reason, it just didn't seem to have the same magic. Let's see if Jurassic World fallen kingdom. We capture that magic. That magic being a questionable grasp of how DNA works. We begin at Isla Nublar, site of the doomed Jurassic Park, and then also doomed Jurassic World theme parks. I guess that's why I couldn't see Jurassic World the first one, it was so dumb to me, but they were like, hey, remember that theme park that never opened, because everyone got eaten? Let's open it. And we'll put it in the

same place. So, Brent, Is-Nublar, there are two guys just regular work in Joes, who are in inside a submersible bathy sphere, so note you're thinking, as Stuart said while you're watching it, James Cameron is involved. That lives under sea exploration, and they are looking at an underwater site where they find the skeleton of in Dominus Rex, the super dinosaur from the last movie, and they take its tooth in a scene that involves a CGI saw cutting into a CGI tooth. Can they really bother you? Yeah, I think it was all CGI.

You're like, saws and teeth both exist. Now, later on in the movie, we learned that the tooth collection part of the film is not for DNA purposes, but the guy who's in charge of the mission wants to make a tooth necklace. And I don't understand how this giant tooth part of the film is not for DNA purposes, but the guy who's in charge of the mission wants to make a tooth necklace. I mean, and I don't understand how this giant tooth is going to figure into that.

Oh, as the centerpiece. Well, you're talking about the, you're talking about the star of monk Ted Levine, of course, who plays an evil guy who likes to collect body parts, which he has done in the past in other movies like Sansa Lam. So you're saying it fits the character. It fits the part of his contract. Yeah, so I'll do the movie, but I have to collect some kind of body part.

I have to throw, I have to tell a dinosaur to put lotion on at some point. OK, but we're not there yet. They take this and then instantly the idiot who is monitoring them almost gets eaten by a T-Rex and then when he escapes, gets eaten by a supermosis sore that leaps out of the ocean and just bites him off a dangling helicopter ladder.

Guys, it should be thrilling. Yeah. But for some reason, it wasn't quite. This is also the first of many things where the transverse Rex does something, and then roars immediately afterwards, and it seems to have done the thing just so it could earn a roar moment.

Yeah. Like that this is a very grandstanding very dramatic dinosaur. Like yeah, this is yeah, this is the T-Rex version of dabbing, which is a callback to something that happened before the show started. Yeah. What is this letterman? Come on, why are we calling back things that happened for the show started? Letterman needs to do that a lot. Anyway, okay, forget it. Move, boy. I come to BBC World News. I was like, hold on a second. Did I change the channel? No, because they're reporting on Jurassic Park. There's an active volcano on Isla Nublar that's expected to kill all the leftover dinosaurs from Jurassic World theme park. This has so angered animal rights activists that the Senate actually calls a special session in to see if they're going to deal with it, which is crazy.

Like, the Senate will not call in a special session if Americans are killed. A volcano is a big thing. actually calls a special session in to see if they're going to deal with it, which is crazy. Like, the Senate will not call in a special session if Americans are killed. Of all cameos going to kill some dinosaurs and already extinct form of life. And they're going to like, and the thing that they missed out is we don't get to see like a really rowdy, rooting-toot in Texas Center to be like, I'm not going to spend American tax dollars bringing these generalisms back to America. Like, which is what I wanted to see. I imagine actually the Texan being like,

they're eventually gonna turn into oil, so we gotta say it these dinosaurs. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and this is the first, this sets up the major conflict in the movie, which is, we'll talk about it more as the description goes on, I'm sure, but the movie doesn't seem to know

what we're supposed to make of dinosaurs, whether they're good or bad. Like, the movie is like, we gotta save these creatures before they get instinct, but then the movie also wants to have the thrill of having dinosaurs relentlessly killing humans. Yeah. But they mainly kill bad guys.

Yeah, because dinosaurs have an inherent moral sense. It is true. There's a part of me that's like, you know what? Dinosaurs had a great run. They were the leading species, not species, leading life form for like 150 million years, then they got knocked out by that meteor. Now, they're gonna get knocked out by volcano.

Maybe dinosaurs are just not sustainable. I hate to break it. They had their shot. but who else says that? But testifying before the Senate, for reasons I'm not quite sure of, Dr. Ian Malcolm, TV Jeff Goldbloom. It's because Jeff Goldbloom wanted some money. Yes, but they're like, we need to,

who's an expert on dinosaurs? Get me a chaos theory mathematician. Nobody holds the respect of the deliberative body of the Senate better than a chaos theory mathematician. Tell us. How do we balance the budget without cutting entitlements? Well, all life is destined to end. All right.

So Ian Malcolm has a kind of word soup govaldi guk about how we've messed with the natural order and change is like death and I don't know he goes change is like death you don't know it till you're right there it's like well we know it death is it happens all the time but I guess he means what we have in afterwards okay then we get into the real meat because Jeff Goldblum really functions as a bookend to the movie more than anything else where we're introduced to Bryce Dallas Howard Claire from the first movie and the first movie she was I don't know what I didn't see it. He was like the operations manager basically of the park

I don't know like I don't have the tree of the organizational tree in front of me It's like a world's work chart right there. Yeah She and her two side kicks the sassy lady Dr. Zia and the very nerdy and irritating computer scientist, Franklin, the two of whom I'm not sure why they're working for her. They are lobbying to save the dinosaurs, but the Senate says we're not going to do anything. Luckily, they get called into a last-ditch effort by Lockwood, whose name I don't, first name I don't remember. They, by James Cromwell and a wheelchair, the elderly former partner of John Hammond, the man who founded Jurassic Park.

And Lockwood is like, John and I were always planning to create a nature refuge for these animals. So humans could leave him alone. And it's like, did you see the first movie, dude? Like, he wanted to monetize the shit out of those dinosaurs. Also, if you were his partner, why did he never mention you? Yeah.

This is a red conning to the level of like, I kind of thought that they would put in scenes with the original Jurassic Park and then just put like James Pramwell over Richard Atber, so they're gonna be, hey! I'm here too! You see him and go, welcome to Jurassic Park and John Pramwell goes, I welcome you too! In this scene we had to make James Pramwell extra tall so he could step over the dinosaurs' tail. This is the one where James Cromwell shoots first.

So anyway, his assistant Mills, who you can tell is a bad guy because right off the bat, that's what he is. He says, hey, we need you and Chris Pratt. I keep getting a mix up. If only. I keep getting a mix up because they're both handsome men. One of them, I am getting a little tired of of and the other one I can never get enough of. I'll let you decide which is which.

Maybe the one I like has piercing frozen blue eyes. But, so they have to, they say Claire, go with Chris Pratt back to the islands to catch Blue, the velociraptor that he trained from the first movie. And they're like, okay, the first, you need to know a little bit about this raptor. And here's the most important thing to remember. He's blue, WDWD. WDWD. No.

WDWD. No. Lives in a blue house, drives a blue car, et cetera. Claire seems to take this as like, oh, I have a plus two for this trip and brings Zia and Franklin with her. And Chris Pratt, Owen, is, at first he's not going to go

but then he goes. We also learn that Lockwood has a granddaughter, Mayzie, who's a real rascal. So at the island, our heroes get there and they meet Ken Wheatley, Telemene, the hunter of dinosaurs who's the head of the hunting, poaching, recapture operation. He instantly rubs them the wrong way and the characters... Telemene rubs you the wrong way, the characters. Ted Levine rubs you the wrong way. The most trustworthy actor. The guy who collects teeth for a necklace. Yeah. And they in a in a shockingly a diminishing returns

retread of the great moment from the first movie. They see a big sauropod walk by and one of the people, Zia who's never seen one is like, oh, has a moment of awe and everyone else is like, seeing it dinosaur, let's move. Okay. Now guys, did you feel like it for a moment recaptured the magic of the original Jurassic Park

when we really, it felt like we were seeing dinosaurs in front of us for the first time? Um, no. This is not a hard question. Okay. I'm asking you to tell me your personal feeling about something you saw today. I mean, it's a little different also between watching it like on the big screen.

And I was just a little boy, that you know, and now I'm a big boy. And I was watching it on a computer screen. I also didn't have like, I mean, I was not you, Elliot. I was not like a dinosaur. I was not a dinosaur not growing up. And so I saw more of of a chalk right? Yeah. Across. No. I saw it and I was just like, okay, that's cool. Special effects.

I wasn't like, oh, my lifelong desire to see dinosaurs fully realized has come to free. I mean, I remember when the local zoo in for win Indiana. Yeah, yeah. When the children's zoo had had this exhibit that was just a bunch of animatronic dinosaurs, and I could never have been more excited about anything else in my life. Sorry, honey. I know our wedding was really important, but those animatronic dinosaurs. We. I spent so much time tracking down any place in the tri-state area that I could see animatronic dinosaurs and all they did was move two different ways and Roar, right? We're like mom dead you got to take me to see this. Yeah

They're like well, couldn't you just get into the grateful dead or something? Nope, nope dinosaurs. It is the only only grateful dead you want to see are those dead dinosaurs Yeah, and I'm not grateful. They're dead. I wish there's still alive. So they get to the island and they split up into teams. Claire and Franklin are gonna bring the systems back online for some reason. I don't remember. And this part Dan I think you mentioned that you heard it better me that that the batteries still work because they work off of body heat somehow. Yes they've got tracking batteries that work off of the energy of the dinosaurs. This is not the strangest made up science in the movie.

And meanwhile, Owen and Zia go and they find Blue. She's still Blue, WDWD. And but she's wary at first, and then she's about to reconnect with him. When the hunter's shooted with a trinked art, she flips out and attacks from the hunters and they shoot it with a pistol. And Owen's like, what?

And they trank Owen. And then for some reason, Zia picks up a pistol and says, you need me to keep this dinosaur alive. And then they hold her at gun points. They, OK, then you're coming with us to keep the dinosaur alive. And I'm like, Zia, why did you pick that gun up? I don't understand.

What were you hoping to accomplish? I don't know. Why are you looking at me? I'm not Zia. I've never been in a range of... Are you seeing Zia Dan? I've never been on dinosaur. I landed my life.

Hmm, story checks out. So it seems like these bad guys are not on the up and up. This is what I'm saying. The volcano starts a blu-in and a blow-in and Claren Franklin get locked into the headquarters and Franklin yells out the immortal line, why am I here? Which is a good question. He adds nothing to the film. Meanwhile,, meanwhile, Chris Brad is knocked out,

but he gets woken up when I think it's a centrosaurus, it's a type of serratopsian. Lakes his face, as if to say like, hey buddy, lava's coming, better get up. And there's a stream of hot lava inches from his body. And he reacts much in the way you would if I don't know a hot bowl of popcorn was near you. Like, doesn't seem to be that concern.

I think it was the movie Star Wars Revenge of the Sin when Anakin with his legs and arms shorn from his body lies just mere inches from the lava only to a immediately burst into flame because it's super fucking hot to be that close to lava. But Chris Brad's body on effect. Does he know why? He's just that cool.

Oh wow. Yeah, but he's trinked. I mean, there is You know why he's that cool. Oh, wow. Yeah, but I mean, he's, he's trained. I mean, there is a reason why he's not reacting. So the tranquilizer is keeping his clothes from bursting into flame. Like his clothes are so sleepy. That's not flammable. Closer blood down. I make sense. It makes sense.

Yeah, let me do. There's nothing more flammable than pajamas, Dan. What we wear when we sleep. I'm not saying that the trunk is somehow a lava, dispelling force. I was like to find when I'm looking for good firewood. If you're asking me the top two things about wood, I'd be like, what number one is you burn things with it? What's the number two?

Makes a nice house. Fair point. He keeps wolves from blowing it down. Oh, we know it doesn't. He blows that one down. Those were technically sticks. I don't think. That's wood though, right?

Yeah, but I mean, you're just like stacking sticks on top of each other. Come on. Who lives like that? Unless they build a house out of the band sticks. And the wolf is just blowing Dennis to young out of the way. I was angry at that joke until you were able to pull one of the members of sticks out of your brain. One of my dad's favorite bands.

Yeah, I think I know who's in sticks. Okay, anyway. I don't know who's in my dad's favorite bands. Does anyone know who's in the Manhattan transfer? Anyone? Well, it looks like you and your dad have something to talk about at Thanksgiving this year. Well, Daniel, let me tell you the legends of the Manhattan transcript. So Lava is pouring into the command room.

I think it's a barionics, where it may be a trood on, but it's pretty big. That's a dinosaur. It chases. It runs in. It's chasing them around and around in circles. Franklin, who is a person of color, is like, ah, woo! I'm so scared.

And I was like, should I be offended that the person of color is the cowardly person, much like in old movies, where the person of color was always afraid of ghosts, and didn't want to go into rooms and stuff? Or am I being too sensitive? Dan Stu, your people who have lived that life. I can't answer that. I would go check the internet.

OK, I'll see what the internet thinks. The important thing is they escape. But the mountain is collapsing, causing a dinosaur stampede. Owen has managed to run exactly to where they are. One of many coincidences in the film. And it's a shot that's like a clear call back to a raiders and a lost art.

Yeah, when he's running over that hill, with the huge- So much that I'm sure there's like, I can't wait to show Steve in this and he looks up from his iPad briefly and then looks back down, he's like, that's fine. I bet Steve is like, what? Yeah, sure.

Like in your movie, what movie? The Indiana Jones movie. Crystal Skull, no, thank you. No, Steven, what? Yeah, sure. Like in your movie, what movie? The Indiana Jones movie, Crystal Skull, no thank you. No, Steven. The other one, young Indiana Jones Chronicles, that was George's thing. I don't know, I wasn't involved in that. Steven, do you remember any of the movies you made? Yeah, I did that one more time, Hank,

reased the guy from Russia or whatever. So in your version of events, Steven Spielberg is an idiot. No. He is an older man with a rich body of work, and I cannot expect him to remember every shot from every one of his movies. That's good.

Maybe his ball caps on a little too tight, Dan. Yeah, like Steven, you know, like that movie you made about the alien, Crystal Skull? Yeah, whatever, I don't know. So they find one of those big plexiglass balls from the first movie that people ride around in, and I assume a ram into dinosaurs. But then a carnada source, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the

next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the

next week, I'm gonna go back to the next week, I'm gonna go back to the And it's like, why did you do that, Tyrannosaurus? He kills it just to do that pose again. And then he uses butt to push the ball down. It's like, we had a great time. So you guys later, I mean. The Tyrannosaurus is like, when, when, uh, it's like if, when, like, someone like Vin Diesel shows up for a cameo role in a sequel to, in like a Fast and Furious sequel before he's a big star in it again. And it's like, hey, remember me, wink and then walks off again.

I mean, at this point, the Tyrannosaurus's job is just to show up and eat another dinosaur before that dinosaur kills humans. Because it happened at the Inter-Durassic Park that had also happened in Jurassic World. And it's like, what, what, what don't you like eating humans? Like, I don't understand why you're

you're stepping in at every moment. He's the friend of all children, I don't know. I mean, and in a way, humans are the ones who are making the dinosaurs. So why would you kill the humans? You're saying he knows what side of the bread is buttered on. Because Tyrannosaurus Rex is using secret love buttered bread. They're like a bunch of mercy wats in the audience.

They're like parents in the audience. They're the mercy wats in books. They're like, I don't need the carbs, but all right. I'll be bad. I do need more lipids. I don't need the carbs, but all right. I'll be bad. I do need more lipids. Anyway, they're rolling in that. Owen can't get into the ball in time, but Claire and Franklin, they roll off a cliff into water.

Now the ball is filling with water. Now Owen looks like he's got the good deal because he just swim around. He manages to pry it open with a knife before they drown. This whole thing where the ball is filling up is done as if it's one shot and one take. It's not because it's lots of computer stuff, but it's done as if you're seeing it happen in real time, which is kind of a neat idea, but it doesn't quite work. It's all right. It's all right. Anyway, the bad guys, meanwhile, are just caging the dinosaurs and putting them on to boats because here's the thing Jurassic Park wants us to remember, dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are unstoppable killing machines until the plot needs them to be at the mercy of humans,

in which case they become so docile that they can't do anything. There's a dinosaur who's just had two ropes around his neck and two guys are pulling it and it's like, oh, I can't get loose. And it's like, come on, dude. This is crazy. Your neck is stronger than 40 human beings or something like that.

Anyway, Wheatley, meanwhile, the bad guy hunter, he's just walking around pulling teeth at a dinosaur's mouth. Terrible. And as Dan said, we all assumed it was for DNA purposes, but later on he just goes, this will look good on my necklace. You can't- Which he says to a dinosaur. Yeah. And you can't fault a man for knowing how to access a rice. But it's like my mom always said, before you go out, look in the mirror, take one dinosaur tooth off your necklace.

So I was that giant one that you had in the beginning of the movie. Oh, the endominous Rex one. Yeah. Owen and Claire and Franklin, they steal a truck and manage to out- race the lava and jump off of the dock into the cargo ship. Nobody notices that they do this. Even though everyone is watching out of the back of the ship as clouds and golf a sad sauropod, as it bellows its last before it disappears into sulfur dust. Guys, that's pretty sad, right? Uh-huh. Well, I mean, you don't know that guy's life story. Yeah, I mean, that might, that could be a bad sauropod. Maybe, or maybe he was like sweet relief. He could be evil like that old couple on Titanic

that hold each other as the room fills up with water. So that's their evil? Yeah, dude, you didn't know that? Oh, yeah, did you miss in the credits they're listed as Hitler's parents? That iceberg's like, it's not so fast. For a better world and then it smashes into the Titanic. We cut back to the mainland, Northern California, where in Lockwood's house, Toby Jones,

who is a brand-new agent, he works as a buyer for dinosaurs. He is a middleman. Toby Jones, I want to say great performance. I mean, he's the most fun person in the movie, for sure. You say he works as a buyer for dinosaurs as if that was his job, like the whole, like, that's what I assumed. No, no, no, no, this whole life, he's like,

he was waiting around for DNA to technology to get to a certain point. He was like, oh, I got to study being a buyer for dinosaurs because someday, this is going to be a job. I imagine he was sitting in his office, and it's just like looking at his budget. He's been in the red, he's bankrupt, he owes so much money, and he's about to pick up the phone

and call the plant and say, guys, shut her down. When suddenly he sees on the TV, dinosaurs are escaping from Jurassic World and he went, goes, hold the phone. And he calls home and he goes, honey, we're having steak tonight. He's another side character in this movie where they clearly ask them what their actual accent is.

They're like, oh, you're English? Well, you're doing an American accent. You're American? No, do a bad English accent. Toby Jones, how can I sound like I have five times as many teeth in my life? I don't know. He's just like, what accent's that?

He's like, it's mine. So Toby Jones, he arranges for people. He's really an auctioneer as we've turned out. And they brought him there to auction off dinosaurs to rich people. And he's like, my clients won't wait. Mill's the assistant is like, it's going to take another day.

And he's like, my clients won't wait another day. And it's like, how entitled are these rich people? They can't wait one more day to own a dinosaur. Like, what are you going to take your business somewhere else? Yeah, they're going to be like, it's taking too long. I guess I'm just going to own a Kubota dragon. If you don't think Nick Cage and Leo DiCaprio are just sitting waiting for the moment

to bid on a dinosaur. So Mills goes, wait, wait, wait, don't go. We're selling the dinosaurs to raise money for a bigger project. And he takes them down to the evil laboratory in Lockwood's home basement where he says, we have combined the power of the endominous wrecks with the training of the raptor that o'in proved to make the Indo-Raptor, a super soldier dinosaur. And Mazee overhe's them saying all this. Now, we'll get into later the issues with a super-sulger dinosaur,

because our heroes are too busy creeping around this cargo ship never being noticed by anybody. She's wearing a baseball cap, man. Good point. And there's a point where this, and Stuart Dandenberg is as off-putting as I did, where Franklin is caught by another guy and he's like, hey, do you work here? Come help me with this thing. It's like, yeah, I guess anyone you never saw before who is just part of the crew and was I guess

he didn't notice him. I mean, more likely I assumption than like stowaway from burning island. He doesn't look like a dinosaur. He's probably cool. Fair point. I mean, they do know that they left a bunch of other people to die on the island. Oh, they did? It's like all that Wheatley has mean, they do know that they left a bunch of other people to die on the island. Oh, they did? It's like all that Wheatley has to be is like, here's pictures of four people we left on the island to die. If you see any of them on the ship,

kill them on site, I guess. Yeah. But you figured out how long that this trip was supposed to be. Oh, well, I'll get to that. OK. Because first, oh, blue is losing blood fast. They've got to get a blood transfusion. But where are they going to get dinosaur blood?usion, but where are they gonna get dinosaur blood?

If you guessed from a sleeping tyrannosaurus rex, you must have seen the movie already. Ha-ha-ha. They've got to get some blood from a sleeping tranceaurus rex, then put it in the veins of this raptor, a sentence which sounds so much cooler than the scene as it appears in the movie. Now guys, I'm not gonna lie to you.

If you said to me, there's a little bit of dinosaur in this movie, I would have said, sign me up a thousand percent. And yet, it's really more about the emotions between Chris Pratt and Blue. Because while they're doing that, Maisie has snuck into the laboratory and is watching Chris Pratt's old journal videos of training Blue, which he also did to the camera confessionals narrating. Yeah, I think the music is like time your life by green day or something. Yeah.

I mean, like reporting the results, it's not so weird. What's weird is someone went back and cut them in to scenes of him hanging out with the dinosaur. Yeah, I mean, it looks like he has an episode of the office. Yeah, our modern family. Like, oh, this is the modern family where they trained dinosaurs. I mean, I was being pretty charitable at the office, I mean.

I guess modern family is a big hit, ain't it? It's a huge hit, because people love shows where a family is mean to each other for 20 minutes and at the end they're like, well, we love each other, because we're a family. That's modern family, guys. I hate to break it to you. That family is very mean to each other.

It's like, I watch it, and that for a while I was a big fan of it, and then I started being like, these people really argue and yell at each other a lot. Like, my family doesn't do that. Are we a pre-modern family? Or even a postmodern family? Because then what does family even mean? Ellie, and I like to think of us as kind of a family.

And there's a lot of meanness that goes on. Yeah, but we're like brothers. No, I see. Yeah, you're not like my children. I wouldn't yell at you and make fun of you. And the words of Vincent Diesel, we're not friends. We're friends. He said that all of Garden commercial.

Yeah, yeah, it was advertising takeout. It was called Too Fast, Too Breadsticks. OK, guys, also there's a big reveal here. We're, we're, uh, Maisie over here's Mills arguing with somebody and it's B.D. Wong, the scientist from the other movies. And this is presented kind of as if we're supposed to be shocked that B.D. Wong's involved. It's like, I don't know, you brought back the rest of the cast.

Why not? Go ahead, sure. Uh, Claire wakes up, cluttled up next to Chris Pratt, but he doesn't notice. And she moves real quick because they used to have a relationship. And, uh, there's a moment where Wheatley calls Zia a nasty woman, which I felt, I don't need politics injected into my dinosaur movie. Thank you very much. And the dinos are being taken to Lockwood's house in Northern California. And now, Dan, this is where I said, hold on a second.

Where is Isla Nublar? It's off the coast of Costa Rica, the western coast, yes, for the coast of Costa Rica. How long would it take a cargo troller? Oh, cargo troller. Cargo ship, not a fishing boat. How long would it take a cargo trailer? Oh, cargo trailer, cargo ship, not a fishing boat. How long would take cargo ship to get from Costa Rica to Northern California? So I plugged it into my computer box phone,

my mother box that I carry with me. And it would take- Jacked into the matrix? Jacked into the mainframe, yeah, the matrix. I Johnny Newman liked this. And I asked Longmore, man, hey, how long would it take a cargo ship to get from Costa Rica to say San Francisco?

And it said it would add a good clip. It would take six days. So are we to believe they have been sleeping for six days? Or did they spend six days starving? Perhaps eating a dead dinosaur. I don't know. And then what playing like mother may I or like I think there would have been great if they had like some scenes in the mess hall where they had to pretend that they were like goon Or dinosaurs. Yeah, like dinosaurs hungry. Give me food, please They're eating a goat Yeah, they keep showing me some culture stand that's not that crazy. Bryce Dallas Haller just unhinges her jaw as a goat

Now that's a movie. Okay. The dinosaurs are taken to the basement in Lockwood's house. Lockwood, I don't think he's really aware that there's this entire sub-basement structure. No, there's a whole basement laboratory underneath and we're supposed to believe that he's unaware of the evil scheme that is unfolding beneath him.

But kept telling him it was like fault lines or something underneath the castle. Yeah, while they're building it. they're building it better called Saul style. They're making a secret. Loyal or a lie. All right. Not for me. I don't watch that show.

Hmm. Anyway, I don't have the time. It's a good show. It's not like I'm saying it's a bad show. Uh, Lockwood is like, Mills, I don't like what you're doing and Mills smothers him with a pillow to death. That's one way of quitting your job. Well, he says, I don't like what you're doing. Call the police to turn yourself in.

Yeah, he says, it'll go better for you if you tell the police the story. It's like, will it? I mean, partly because one of his crimes is kidnapping, sure, of Zia. But the other crime is like, I guess illegal transport of dinosaurs over a border without a license or something. And you know a judge.

I'm not a lawyer. The judge is going to look through the law book and go, I'll allow it. And that dog can play basketball. Mm-hmm. Ha-ha-ha. I like it. It gave me a very coy look at it.

It looked like Dan was going to say something. Uh, now our heroes jump into a truck and join the convoy. They finally get caught in a scene where Wheatley is for some reason strangely out of breath when he arrest them, like he just ran a mile to get to them. Yeah, I like to believe that Chris Fred and Bryce Dallas Haller, the truck that they're driving, is the one that he was supposed to be driving.

So he was just like, wait up, wait up behind them for like five miles. Guys, here's my question. I started, and all these rich buyers start showing up in limousines. Oh, and I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that, Mills knows that Maisie is mistaking around, locks her into a room, she escapes out a window.

After wasting a lot of time using a wire hanger to pick her door's lock, and then seeing their armed guards in the hallway and then going out the window, and it's like, movie, you could have just shown her going out the window. We didn't need that whole scene. The rich buyers start showing up. We've got pharmaceuticals guys,

because who knows what wonder drugs are lying inside of a dinosaur's body? I'm guessing none. But who know? Like what special properties do they have? There's arms dealers. There's dictators. And here's my question.

A lot of it, I assume, is you want to buy dinosaurs for the mill? Well, we'll get to that, I guess. Because the important thing is, Maisie, she gets out of room. She finds a grandpa. And she's like, grandpa, there's trouble, but he's dead, and she takes his mystery book that he's been holding the whole time.

And meanwhile, in the dungeon, Owen uses a package Eiffelosaurus to smash through the wall of their cell, like the Kool-Aid Manosaurus. Pack-A-Sephelosaurus is the one that has a bone dome on its head, so it can headbutt everybody. So the one everyone assumed was an herbivore, but as of this taping, they recently found a jaw that had sharp teeth on it. So maybe it was a carnivore or um, of war, very exciting in packing stuff for the source.

Are you trying to get some kind of like diploma for a degree like paleontology here, dude? Yeah. I just want to show them up on the recent science and discovery. Yeah. Dean Kumbassan is like, here Elliot, you're an honorary graduate of Elliott of Earlham for, I don't know, Dinosaur stuff like this. And the diploma says dinosaur stuff, I guess, on it. I'll take it, I don't know.

So they get out and that package have a source is like, say he was whistling to get it to come in and it's like, the dinosaurs like, what, what did you want me for? What, you're done with me now that I helped you? What do I get? And then he sings that song, what do I get for the buscups? Great. Yes. So... Contemporary reference.

So... So meanwhile, the auction's going on. There's Ellen Dinosaur's left and right. The room looks like the kind of place where Blade would show up and just start chopping dudes in half. Yeah, and there's like a runway catwalk that they slide cages of dinosaurs out too. Once again, like a Blade Room. And Toby Jones is really, as I think Stuart you mentioned,

he's really struggling with that accent to pronounce those dinosaur names properly. Yeah, I feel like he had to make the decision between pronouncing the names properly or going with the accent. And he's like, I worked five days on this accent. Yeah, I wish, then this scene I kind of like, because it's a, it's a crazy idea, but I wish that there was like a little kid who was tugging on his coat,

correcting him all the time. There's nobody knows. Dinosaur names like little kids. Okay. Finally, he says, let's take a break from the main auction. They've sold an Enkilo source. They've sold some other thing. I don't know.

An Alasaurus. And he goes, okay, let's bring out something special. It's not per sale. It's a prototype, the Indo Raptor. And they bring it out, it's the perfect predator. And here's how you use it. All you have to do is point a sniper rifle so the laser sight hits your target.

Then you pull the trigger to create a loud noise which triggers the Indo Raptor to attack that target. And it's like, it seems like it would be easier to just use a gun in that situation. Yeah. If you even have someone in your scopes, use the gun. You've taken a, it's like, it seems like it would be easier to just use a gun in that situation. Yeah. If you even have someone in your scopes, use the gun. You've taken a, it's like a gun's, a gun's bang would go off and alert everybody to it was an assassin sending a dinosaur.

This is much self-eir. You don't understand. This warlord is impervious to bullets. His greatest weakness, dinosaurs. It's a little bit like a... Guys, I have a moment to talk about. Oh, Stuart just got out of his chair. He's going to like, he's going to go up my ramp here.

Now that we've created super dinosaurs, thank you for raising the house. But I don't understand why it just ends up looking exactly like all the other dinosaurs in the movie, except a little hairier and a little more like it's got a cool racing story. I think this is the time when if you're going to make a dinosaur and make it super and cool, you got to give it wings, dude, make it look like a dragon. Game of Thrones is so hot right now.

Tap into that shit. Or give it like eight legs or something, like make it crazy. Exactly. Like three heads. But they make it seem like this is the biggest military innovation possible where you know, it's like the army does not go out and train a bunch of wolves to go out and kill thing. No, people do very good at killing things. Yes. It reminds me a little bit. There's that scene in Star Wars where they're playing with lightsabers for the first time and Obi-Wan's like much much better than a blaster. It's like really doesn't seem so.

Like you can kill some of the blaster from across the room. Light saber, you got a real close to Pond of Abo before you can cut his arm off. So, it's a dumb weapon, but the people in the crowd love it, because of the novelty value. The bidding goes up to $28 million, and they're like, please, please, this is just a prototype, but people want to buy it.

So they do. Uh-oh, things don't go so smoothly. Because Owen lets that packy cephalosaurus loose in the room. It's just headbutting everybody. And then Owen comes in and he's like single handedly confuing all the security guards. Everybody runs out as I would. Well, next next rule. If a dinosaur was loose, it would be such a hard instinct to run out. Because I'd be like, I want to see this dinosaur. Maybe it will be friends. I mean, here's the thing, maybe I'm just mad at Chris Pratt because he has achieved in this movie, My Goal,

My Entire Life, which was to be friends with a dinosaur. Would I choose a velociraptor? Dan, would I? No. You're correct. I would not choose a velociraptor. I choose dinonicus, the cooler version of a lost raptor. Now what upgrades does the dinonicus have?

Well, to be honest, the lost raptors in the movies are much larger than real life lost raptors. They're more the size of a dinonicus. Dinonicus was the original sickle cell raptor, which John Ostrom discovered in which revolutionized the way we look at dinosaurs. And it's super cool. It's got a sickle cell toe, and it can just

just slash open a lot of dinonicus. Wait, sickle cell toe? Sorry, now sickle cell toe. Yeah, it doesn't get cool. It's got a sickle cell toe and it can just just slash open a lot of time. A sickle cell toe? Sorry, a sickle cell toe. Yeah, it doesn't get me. It doesn't get me. No, sorry. It's got a sickle blade toe. The original sickle blade toe.

And that's my other complaint is the raptors never use their toes to do anything other than just tap on the ground and alert people that they're talking about. Is that like being mad that Leonardo doesn't use his katana is that often because if he did, they'd be blood everywhere. Yeah, basically. Garnum use them, that's what I say. So everyone runs out and while everyone's gone, Wheatley walks in and tranks the Indoreactor and then opens its cage and gets into steal one of its teeth for his necklace.

I mean, at that point, he's got a problem, guys. Yeah. He should be seeing a doctor now his men should hold an intervention a dyno venture Wheatley you have a problem and it's getting in the way of your work now Do you think it's like a rhino horn situation? Do you think this is an erectile dysfunction thing? He's like You raise an interesting point. I know have a little a little soda water He's that how they do it? I have no idea.

They mixed the rhino horn with soda water. I saw them that you don't want to just put in regular water. You want to, you want to, you want something that's got to cover up a little. So it's like, so you're saying that in, say, ancient traditional Chinese medicine. Yeah. You take that rhino horn, you grind it up,

throw it in a soda stream. Yeah, that's right. Yep. And then you just visit on down. And next thing you know, lead it in a soda stream. Yeah, that's right, yep. And then you just visit undown. And next thing you know, lead in your pencil. Yeah, you're curing erectile dysfunction and sour stomach at the same time. I mean, the real problem there is the sour stomach, I think.

You cure that and the erectile dysfunction might go away on its own. That's an idea. You and I will lead very different lives, Elliot. I don't even know how to take that. Yeah, I don't even know how to take that. Dan could fill an entire book with stories of sexual adventures where his stomach hurts the whole time. Yeah, I don't know if you...

The night of the barbecue bash. I don't know if that means that your rectile dysfunction hurts your tummy or that you're so turned on by having a sour stomach that you can't help but get a good rest. It's a thin line between pleasure and pain, Elliot. Okay, the Indorecter is now on, oh, and the Indorecter has just been playing possum and it actually smiles and then eats him. It just curls up a little bit and I'm like,

well, if you, if you, if you genetically modified a dinosaur to be able to smile, you have just given yourself a billion dollars. Like, don't sell it as military. Like, that make a pet dinosaur that can smile, you will be king of the world and not fake Leonardo DiCaprio to stand on a boat king of the world. Let me tell you, when he declared himself king of the World in that movie, I was like,

where's your standing army? Where are your leeches? Where are the people who are pledging to you? You're not a king of nothing. You're not a king of the shank. Do you think at that point Rose is nervous because now he needs an heir? Yeah.

Exactly. You got to start producing Rose. I don't even know you yet at this point in the movie. Okay. The endoreptors now on the loose takes a moment to eat Toby Jones in the elevator as we all would. We learn that Maisie is actually the clone of Lockwood's daughter,

not his real granddaughter, in a plot thread that makes, no, it's not really related to anything else in the movie. Yeah, I mean, it figures into her final decision in the film, but otherwise it's just like, yeah, it's just throwing a clone. When it comes to... When it comes to... When it comes to...

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And there is an amazing moment where Blue looks at the gas coming out of the tank, makes an expression and then runs out of there just as it starts exploding. And it's like, hold on a minute. I know raptors are smart, but they understand combustible gases. We are the police.

We are the police. I would see that sign and be like, lamable or inflammables, a bad one. I can't tell, but blue already knows. Yeah. Just the mere smell of gas is somehow instinct. Yeah, there's an instinct. Like this is going to go south for me.

It's just such a funny moment. And it's like at that point, you're like, well, why can't blue talk? Why can't like why don't you just show blue reading the magazine? Come on. Our heroes, again, the interrupters stalking them and they evade it pretty easily for a while.

But uh-oh, we're told there's hydrogen cyanide leaking into the dinosaur basement. And it's going to kill all the dinosaurs. we're told there's hydrogen cyanide leaking into the dinosaur basement, and it's gonna kill all the dinosaurs. I don't know what hydrogen cyanide is. I don't know why they have it. It's leaking in all of a sudden. The ender raptor starts chasing after Maisie. The ender raptor seems much more focused on Maisie.

Do you think it's because it senses that she's a clone? Yeah. They have a psychic link like that little girl and Michael Myers and the later Michael Myers films Halloween films are called and And the endorector uses those techniques because rather than like running through the house smashing it every single wall with a painting on it it climbs outside and through the window Which is nuts man. Yeah, I don't know how it got there

But I mean it also learns how it opens a door when we're watching watching this led LA to do a long song based on Raptor on the Roof. Would you like me to sing some of it now? A Raptor on, okay, thank you. I'll try to remember it when I don't remember, I'll just make up. A Raptor on the Roof. Sounds crazy, no? But here in our little park of Jurassic, you might say each of us is a raptor on the roof, simply trying to eat a little girl without breaking our neck.

How do we keep our balance? That I can answer with one word. Genetics. Genetics. Genetics. Genetics. Thank you. Oh, wait. I forgot there's another part, too.

When you do that impression, it really drives home how close Tethia is to Dracula. Oh, okay. Antisemitic, yes. All right. That's. Well, I was going to say Bane. he sounds a lot like Tom Hardy doing Bain. And they're all saying, oh, a batch man on the roof. Well, I mean, Dracula is, they sound, they sound so,

there was a, I was on Halloween night, I'll just tell you, I was doing a lot of Dracula voices. My son made me dress as a pirate that I wanted to be a vampire. So I created the vampire pirate character of Captain Bloodbeard. And he would keep telling me to stop talking like a vampire, but at a certain point, it just became an old Yiddish man. But there was also the part about,

who must know the way to make a proper clone, a quiet clone, a kosher clone? I gotta stop. Anyway, thank you. Thank you. Just came up with that one, huh? The music of my people. Thank you.

Okay, anyway. So this, this Indoreptor's Chasin, Maisie. It's running all around. Everyone else, things are exploding like crazy. Oh no, Claire is trapped. She sends Owen off with a kiss to save Maisie. And then Owen tries to trank the Raptor, but it's too tough. But Blue saves them, but the Inderaptor keeps going.

But Claire shows up and shoots it with a trank gun. Doesn't work. Blue shows up and saves them. It all ends with Blue and the Inderaptor fighting on a greenhouse roof, as they always are. Interuptor falls and that one weakness that interuptors have being impaled on a triceratops skull. Oh, well. That's when blue gets to do a little success pose, a little T-Rex energy success pose.

Yeah, I'll roar. Yeah, it's a weird how much each of the dinosaurs is waiting for their trophy moment. Yep. Claire, they go to the basement. She lets all the dinos free of their cages, which just means they're mingling together in a tighter room. So it's not a great plan.

Yeah, because they're all about to get gassed, if you recall, the cyanide gas is all of a poop place. And I think Stuart and you as you and I, I think, maybe Dan and I had the same feeling, which was, how did they get those dinosaurs in the cages in the first place? They're huge. Yeah, they expanded so much. It was like somebody dropped the water on them.

Oh, I had so many of those who knows the kid. And now that they're saying to save them, we'll have to open the gates of the estate and just let them out into the world and Claire can't do it because honestly, they're dinosaurs. But then Maye's he opens the gates and she says, I had to, they're alive, like me. Makes you think, doesn't it? Yeah. Makes you think.

Who's the most important thing you should do? These decisions to close. Yeah. I've seen Bladeronner. We're pro-life message too. In the middle of this dinino movie, I guess. I mean, they weren't unborn dinosaurs. I know Blade Runner, they're robots.

That's not quite the same. They're robots and Blade Runner, right? Yeah, one of the dinosaurs goes, I've seen things you can imagine. Other dinosaurs? I can imagine that. Oh, okay. What about like really big ferns?

No, again, very imaginable. Yeah. I love that there's so many movies where they're like, it's unimaginable, the devastation. Somebody had to imagine it. It's in a movie. Somebody imagined it. Okay.

That doesn't. You're in every single one of those serious scenes so you could undercut it with semantics. Yeah. Oh, I wish. There's so many movies. I like to have them, but well actually, guys. Yeah, like the famous romantic comedy, well actually.

About a well that falls in love with it actually? I don't know. It's not a great movie. The well falls in love with actual factual, the professor bear from the Barron St. Bears books. And he falls in love with it. It's a stirring love story. They, okay, so the dinosaurs are just

stampeding out of the house. If you learn one thing about dinosaurs from this movie, it is like dinosaurs much less Bruce, like Bruce Springsteen were born to run. Oh, it's okay. They love running. Mills, the bad guy, he almost escapes by hiding under a car. He's got the endominus tooth.

The dinosaurs run by, view, he's safe. Uh-oh, guys, there's one dinosaur. We didn't see it in that scene. A dinosaur that loves to come in at the last minute and kill the villain. That dinosaur's name? Blue? No.

I don't know. Oh, the T-Rex. It's correct. Look, this movie is slid out of my brain already. We watched it literally this afternoon, right before. The T-Rex shows up, fucking chants that dude down. Does the pose dance? Does the pose, and then, And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then. Teerex shows up, fucking chants that dude down. Does the pose, and then... Does the pose, and then...

And then stumps on that fucking tooth. It's like, I'm not sure about Indo, whatever. There's only one Rex around here, M.E.F.R. Because the Teerex doesn't swear. Yeah. Yeah. He's too cool for that. He's a family dinosaur.

He's like, I don't go for that kind of cheap shock. I like to make people think in my comedy. So Teerex says, but now, uh-oh, so everyone's saved, but dinosaurs are just roaming free all over the world. The dinosaurs that were already auctioned off and sold are on their way, because even, like, they just slapped those things into trucks so fast before the auction was even over, I guess. And so, there's just dinosaurs everywhere walking around,

and Jeff Goldblum, who of course is the nation's premier dinosaur expert. Yeah, he's still telling me that he's a dinosaur and he's been a big fan of dinosaurs. So the auction was even over, I guess. And so there's just dinosaurs everywhere walking around. And Jeff Goldblum, who of course is the nation's premier dinosaur expert. He's still testifying. He's still testifying. Yes, it's a several weeks long test of testification is getting. Which kind of explain.

It's so crazy how as soon as the country decided not to evacuate the dinosaurs, basically all news coverage of it stopped, or else they would have noticed the like armed guys taking dinosaurs away. Yeah. Yeah, and but they noticed it when the dinosaurs start showing up, I guess, like in suburban backyards or what, I mean, it's basically the end of lost worlds, the second Jurassic Park movie.

And what was there a dinosaur in our backyard before? They stay, and they lost the chance to do all the bits where like a little kid sees one or a dog and is like And then where someone catches or glimpse of one of the corner of the rise at walks by or someone just keeps turning away as the dinosaur walks through their By their windows all those funny routines Yeah, but there's dinosaurs all over the place and Claire and Chris Pratt whatever's name is Owen Owen and the little Maisie are driving off as if they're at the end of the shining and the and Maisie is also I guess their child now. There's no clone law. Finder's Keepers. And there's this big like there's like there's a

apocalyptic end of a zombie movie vibe about the whole thing and it's just like movie what do you want us to think about dinosaurs? Because right before this year like let's let the dinosaurs roam the world. And now they're just like, oh, it's bad, the dinosaurs are roaming the world. It's a complex film. As Jeff Goldblum says, the world has changed forever

and maybe humanity won't survive it. Welcome to Jurassic World, end of movie, except for the post-credits scene where some tear dactyls are flying around. And for a minute, I thought they were landing on the Eiffel Tower, but it was just the Eiffel Tower in Vegas and I'm like, I don't give a sh- they're in Vegas.

Like, I thought they were like all over the world or something, I don't care why it was a Vegas. Like, that's not impressive. They went all the way from Northern California to Vegas. Amazing reach. That's it. Getting tickets to see Britney in Vegas is fucking impressive. Yeah.

Dinosaurs who cares. I mean, if the dinosaurs had then opened up a tourist guide And we're like, who do we see? Uh, is that ventriloquist still doing his show? Ben and teller have a residency. I see. Yeah, they're pretty good, but I don't like knowing how the tricks are done Cirque de Soleil is playing, but I don't like the whimsy of them. What happened to the old-fashioned chorus girl shows? They don't do those anymore. Yeah, they are pretty old-fashioned. So they go do it and they just go and see Jennifer Lopez.

Oh, okay. Anyway, put on a good show. Yeah, she puts on a great show. And so here's the question. The movie asks us with the question. It leaves us with the question. Can humanity survive dinosaurs? And it's like, yeah, dude, have you seen what we do to every other species that comes up

against us? Like, if there's, it's the same reason it's stupid to have dinosaur soldiers, humans are the best at killing things. Like, it's like, how can humans stand up to dinosaurs? I don't know, we have bombs and tanks. Like, it's not Godzilla where it's a radioactive monster, a thousand feet tall. Like, and if you nuke it, nothing happens. It's like a big animal. Like, just shoot it a bunch of times. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, there was a dinosaur whoke it, nothing happens. It's like a big animal. Like, just shoot it a bunch of times, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, there was a dinosaur who got shot with a pistol and it became like a crazy life or death situation.

We got a million of those things. Yes. And it's like the smallest gun we have. I mean, I kind of want to see, there's that scene in the Night of the Living Dead where it's the militia and it's those guys just walking around with their own gun, just picking off zombies and in dawn of the dead, they do it again. And I kind of want to see the movie where it's just a bunch of around with their own gun, just picking off zombies and in dawn of the dead, they do it again.

And I kind of want to see the movie where it's just a bunch of guys with guns just like, yep, Dinos in town. Get up, Bob, eating together. You can see a bunch of dinosaurs get shot? I thought you were a dyno guy. Dyno boy was the type of guy. Dyno boy. I am technically a dyno boy.

But I like. Well, maybe it's time to grow up, Ellie. You're right, you're right. Or maybe the dinosaurs go back in time. I don't know. Oh, okay, I'm into it. I up, Ellie. Yeah, right. Or maybe the dinosaurs go back in time. I don't know. Oh, OK. I'm into it. I like cowboys have to shoot them.

There's that park where the guy has made all these statues of dinosaurs in the Civil War. And I want to see that happen for real. And he has this one statue. This is this one guy made all these. There's this one statue where someone is milking a stegosaurus. And it's like, I don't think you know how that works. All right.

We've been going on for a long time. This is a live show. We only have a limited amount of time in this space. We should get to final judgments whether this was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked. Ellie, what do you have to say? Look, guys, I liked dinosaur movies in theory. There were so many times during this movie where I was like, if you told me when I was

12 or 11, you're going to see a scene where inside a house, two raptors, one of whom is giant, are fighting each other. And you're gonna be like, ugh, okay, sure, I would have slapped you in the face. And I would have said, never, maybe that says more about me that I'm so jaded now, but it seemed like this movie was less about dinosaurs and more about, we made a billion dollars

with the last movie, we got to figure out what this movie is about. And they slammed together like 15 different dinosaur movie plots into like the trailers are like they got to save the dinosaurs in this volcano that's like the first third of the movie and then the rest is like it's basically clue but with dinosaurs I mean if Tim Curry came in at the last minute was like was just like, let me solve this mystery, it was dinosaurs.

I would love this film. So sadly, I'm gonna say it was pre-historicly snorifying. Okay. I was on the very verge of kind of liking this movie, just because I have a soft spot for big stupid blockbusters and it moved faster than the usual bad movie that we watched. Yeah, that two and a half hours or something. It was 210. 210 to you.

Some people take the 310. I like the 210 because it gets into you. I like to take the midnight meat train. I'll give it a bad movie though. Y'all agree with you guys. It moved to the decent clip and I don't know, whatever. Dinosaurs. I mean, we've seen worse movies. If you want to see a dinosaur.

I don't know, whatever. If you're, if you're, if you're, if you're requirement for movies is dinosaurs, check this one down. It's going to town a dinosaur is in it. But those dinosaurs, they don't have any meaning. The first Jurassic Park, it was the majesty in all of these creatures we can never hope to see with our own eyes

in real life. The second Jurassic Park was about seeing a Tyrannosaurus Rex walked by a video store. The third Jurassic Park, okay, they got a Spinosaurus now, that's something. Jurassic World didn't see it. Jurassic World Fong Kingdom, it's like chitching dinosaurs. Going into a bullseye interview, I know it's somebody who does amazing work, but if it's an actual conversation, I don't know where it's headed. The absolutely, you're absolutely right, you said it actually better than I did, so I have to think about what that means. Hmph. Ha ha ha ha. Hey, these are the straight talk

that you're going to get on the show. Bulls eye, creators you know, creators you need to know. Find it at MaximumFun.org, or wherever you get podcasts. DAD PILOTS Society brings you exclusive readings of comedy pilots that were never made, featuring actors like Pat and Oswald. So the vampire from the future sleeps in the dude studio during the day and they hunt monsters at night, it's Blade meets the odd couple.

Adam Scott and Jane Levy. Come on, Hory. She's too serious, too business-seey. She doesn't know the hokey-poky. She'll learn what it's all about. Bizzy Phillips and Dave Kackner. Maybe this is family. My uncle tell, who showed his wiener to Cinderella at Disneyland, is family.

Do you want him staying with us? He did stay with us for three months! And he was a delight! A new pilot every month, only on Dead Pilots Society for maximum fun. Hello, hope you're enjoying this live episode. Which one is it? I haven't chosen yet, so I don't know. Hey guys, it's me, your old buddy Dan.

Remember me? He just heard me a moment ago on stage All right, aren't I a funny guy? Probably not probably probably your Stuart fans. It's fine No worries as long as we get those sweet clicks. I don't care. Why am I talking? I don't know It's because it's time for ads and the flat pass is brought to you in part by Casper Casper's new hybrid mattresses combined the pressure relief of their award-winning foam with the durable yet gentle springs. Now we're not talking about gentle mineral springs or water springs.

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part of my job. No, I'm here to tell you that you can reach close to the tops of your field, the heights, the tops, the heights, you can get pretty far talking the way I do. Hey, also Z-Man Games has sponsored us this week and they want you to know about their new game pandemic rapid response and it's hey, you know what? Why do I have to fumble? Why don't I just read the copy? The flop-out has brought you in part by Z-Man Games, the makers of pandemic rapid response. Disaster has struck. Oh no.

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near you Hey guys There's no Jumbotrons this week, but if you want to get a jumbo tron, go to maximumfund.org forward slash jumbo tron, and you can purchase a personal or a business message. The pricing is different, the business one is more expensive, all the details are there. I just want to quickly say that there are still tickets available for a couple of our live shows coming up on September the 28th.

We will be in Boston. There is an early show that is sold out the late show at 9.45. Still has tickets available and also further ahead in October, the 12th, the Flappost will be in LA. We've been there before, but Stuart couldn't be there. Tickets are starting a little slow, and I got to say, it's surprising because this is the first time all three of us will be in the city of angels. If you want more details on these, go to flapphousepodcast.com slash events. There's links to buy tickets and all that you would need. But now back to the show. We don't have a ton of time, but we do some question and answers that these live shows will try and keep it relatively short.

But if people have questions, then we've got microphones. I was totally of microphones out in the audience, wireless mics. I don't know how this works. We should bring the house light a little bit. Dan, I don't know how this works, McCulley. Well, normally we've got a mic in the aisles that people just line up, but in this case, we'reey. Well, normally we've got a mic in the aisles that people just line up, but in this case we're doing a little differently. Well, I'll take a minute then to give my little pre-question and answer.

Talk, which is one. Thank you so much guys for being here. We really appreciate it. Thank you. And we know, thanks very much, we know that you're here because you like us. And sometimes people come out and they want to, they have a question and first they tell us here because you like us. And sometimes people come out and they have a question. And first they tell us how much they like us. We know you like us. Think you don't have to worry about telling us that. Let's leave it on set. It's the sweeter things are unsaid sometimes.

And here's what I like to think before I ever ask a question to Q&A. If I was not me and someone else asked this question, would I care? And if the answer is no, I do not ask that question. So, you know, if I want you to, I just try and make you the best question askers you can be. Because questions, how we learn things. And answers, it's what we learn. Okay. And learning is the name of the game. That's right. Cause it's question time, cause it's question time time and we'll answer questions for you

Maybe about dinosaurs maybe about discount stores maybe about lots of things that rhyme I don't remember how the rest of Jurassic Park song goes I Don't have any idea didn't I guess he didn't want to hear me singing or he had to use the bathroom. Hey everyone, what's going on? Oh, it's in. Everybody. That was the cheapest way to get a pause just leaving it coming back. Hey, remember me. What an amazing magic trick. So if I guess raise your hand if you want to, oh you got the microphone already. Nice rocket crocodile shirt, awesome. Oh, this is a donor, thank you.

So let's use the practice class. I love the color of the color of the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type of hair, the type Thank you. Yeah, it's one of the best female rap duos in fictional non-real history. Yeah.

What kind of fans would you guys form and what was the highlight of your, behind the type, your research tips? I mean, I'm a big fan of three-part harmonies. Oh yeah. You want to try one right now? No. I think, well, it's weird, because Elliott and Stuart share a lot of taste in music, and Elliott and I share a lot of taste in music, but I don't think that Stuart and I share

a lot of taste in music. That's true, yeah. I mean, see, I'm just really into the sounds of Swedish pop princess Robin and Dan can't handle her. Wait, hold on. If you love Robin then maybe that's what we should be doing. Okay, we're going to be a Robin. Yeah, we'll be a Robin, I guess. We're just going to cover Robin, so.

We'll just be Robin. Yeah. We'll all get in a trench coat. I'll get on top of Dan's shoulders, Dan, I get on sewer shoulders. And we'll be Robin. We'll just do weird dances that are kind of great, but you're like, is she a good dancer or a really bad dancer? You don't know.

So thin line in dance between good and bad? Yeah. I guess that's the answer, Robin. I guess so, Robin. Unless, is there a divo already? I think there was a divo. Okay, then never mind. We can't be divo then, okay.

I said was though, that means there's a void. Oh yeah, okay. And Void's spelled backwards is not Devo, but it's close enough. Great question. Anything else? Cool. Okay, so now we just need to narrow it down to all the Brian's and Fort Wayne. So Ellie, you were a big fan of fantasy with kids.

You know what? You seem somewhat dated from the movie. Is there any other movie trope for anything like that that you really into with the kids that you now have been mediaed of? Probably. I mean, there's a certain things times when I've noticed more like there are things

that I respond to in movies because they're done well in a technical level, and I don't think are earned. Like when a song that I have an emotional connection to is used as a background music for a scene and it's edited really well, but the movie and the scene are not that good. I'm like, don't react to the song. Like this. This is not fair. You're borrowing from that.

Like, there's a, this is not a movie. It's a TV show, I guess, but there's an episode of Stranger Things that ends and then Hazy Shade of Winter, the Mangles version starts playing, and I love that song. And it's like, Stranger Things, you are not as cool as this song, like that's not fair. Yeah, I mean, I remember growing up, at least when I was a teenager and any time like like a male character who lived a normal button down life, like lost everything and he had to go on a cool ass rampage, I thought that was pretty cool. And now I'm like, fuck that fantasy. Like, hey, why don't you live up to your responsibilities, dude?

Sometimes life isn't great. Deal with it. You got a lot going for you. And I'll have to go with nudity. When I was 13, for some reason, it really affected me a lot more than it does that. Now things are like, seeing it. Wake me up when there's a new body part. I guess there was a, there's something about movies, I don't just say this is,

I used to be really into movies where there's like a super cool tough guy, who's real quiet silent, he's really good at killing people. You're boba feds and whatnot. And now I'm like, I don't like that anymore. I like it's not cool to kill people. I think that's not okay. Also I realize that boba fed is the worst character in Star Wars pretty much. Since he's like, he's like, I'm really cool.

I'm really cool. And then a blind guy knocks him into a pit with a stick. Yeah, I mean, it's all posturing, and his strength is based on perceived strength. Yes. As soon as he stands up against him, he crumbles like a bully. Yeah, he's just real like. He's called bully fat. Next question, that was a good question.

So couple, there we go. A couple of episodes, the 2-3 episode, Elliott kind of often has been mentioned, the prospect of having to save his father from sort of your truth or dare ring. I want to know, like, what would be your pitches for you have to save your father from some weird father thing? And kind of weird since my father's in the audience. And who would play your father in that mood?

And who would play the father? I mean, for me, my dad would be played by Richard Drifus because they look almost identical. And when I was a kid, he looked at, that's what about Bob Error Richard Drifus and my dad are almost identical. And I mean, they've both aged since then, but if I had to save my dad from something,

I mean, I'd like to save him from buying expensive bicycles because that's kind of what he does. And yeah, I would. Spending all of my inheritance on his new kitchen. My dad, of course, would be being attacked by the members of his favorite band, Manhattan Transfer. And dad, who are the members of that band? There's Gary. Okay.

And Larry. And Perry. And Harry. And who would play your dad? Uh, I don't know. That's a good question. Your dad strikes me as like a Frank Oz type. Frank Oz?

We're going to see him water. I don't know. He's aged very well. He's a dapper man. I'll say that about my dad. So that's the only thing I say about my dad. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don'tki? I don't know why. That may sound like I'm like, the one thing I'll say nice about my dad, as he's aged well. He's a wonderful, wonderful person. My dad looks like me, but a little older, so I guess Kurt Russell.

Now I'm scanning the crowd to see if I can. Where's Kurt Russell's in here? And I don't know, I feel like it would be some kind of like fishing trip the asco like that's a good title if I guess if it's like a Mickey Mouse the hearty boys and the fishing trip the asco I mean I think it writes itself right James Bond in too many donkeys it yourself but is James Bond in too many donkeys what's the problem am looking around you there's so many donkeys here

this is a callback to an earlier episode so I apologize to anyone that's such What's the problem, ma'am? Look around you. There's so many tongueies here. This is a call back to an earlier episode, so I apologize to anyone. That's such an explicit title too, because normally the James Bond titles don't list the problem in the title. No, usually it is some crazy made up phrase that they have to shoehorn into a film.

When they're like, I guess the bad thing is called golden eye. For some reason. Okay, another question. Is there another one? Where's that microphone? Micro ones in the back. Oh, okay. Hello, I'm Monica last name with health. In the spirit of the movie, if you could have raised a horror movie monster or creature from birth to trust you, what monster would that be? it's kind of hard not to have a Godzilla. I mean, you can't, man, the world is your oyster.

I don't understand why you're. What? I said, the world is your oyster. You can have a giant oyster. Like a giant oyster. Maybe Godzilla as you want. Yeah, yeah. I mean, from the Godzilla's, you got to feed it at a certain point.

So maybe like, uh, I don't know. And maybe it could be like the end of Ginger Snaps 2, when that girl essentially has a werewolf that she keeps as a pet. What a raise a werewolf. No, because it's really a person most time. A werewolf now. Wherewolf is a human life. A werewolf got this just, it means having a little kid bitten by a werewolf.

I don't like that. I was thinking the other day. He has a man with two kids. Yeah. So I got to learn another one of these. No more. Well, the other day I was telling my wife about how horrible it would be if you had a baby vampire

because it's a baby forever. And it keeps you up all night. Because that's the only time it's awake. And it sucks blood. So I guess don't let babies give me. Mom, just don't let your babies get bitten by vampires. What about you guys? What would you grow? I don't know, probably like one of those blobs, like a blob.

Okay. You know, it's like a real pig. And if I ever have junk that I don't want anymore, just toss it in the blob. Toss it in the blob. I don't want to finish this hot talk, toss it in the blob. Wow, not a good impression of me. A Dan?

I don't know, maybe like a Xenomorph, but Xenomorphs grow up so fast these days. They do, yeah. Yeah. And their kisses can be deadly. And it's like causing trouble and you're like, I carried you in my belly. I'm dead actually. I'm dead, Val. All right. Anyone else? Anyone else? I carried you in my belly. I'm dead actually. I'm dead, Val.

All right. Anyone else? Anyone else? Hey, Ben, last name withheld. I see your last name is 10. Ben 10. The hit cartoon show. So great to be back on the show after being mentioned

in somebody else's letter, not by name four years ago. Hi. Great to be back. Hi. So why? You're a very character. In high school, I got into really hard-do, excess film. The art's here, the better.

And I had to show one time a room of teen Gus Van Zand, Gary, where people walk and don't talk. You had to show a group of teens, Jerry? Where you, where you, where you, where you, where you, where you, where you, where you, where you, first. It felt important to me at the time as somebody who had put the time in the watching the movie so I needed them to do it

too. Have you had experiences though? Were you fatter a whole movie just knowing the whole room was hating it and it was because of you showing them the movie? I mean I used to host a screening series in Manhattan so I had that experience many times. I once showed the movie The Landlord, which is a great movie, How Ash Bees and Landlord with Bo Bridges, to a room full of people, and the tension in the room after it was over was so thick. I was like, wow, this movie just knocked over well.

It really made these people feel bad about kicking poor people out of the neighborhoods. They live it now. I do a horror movie night in my apartment. Every October, I've done it for more than a decade now. I do a horror movie night in my apartment at every October. I've done it for more than a decade now. What's the name of that month, dude? What?

It's called Shocktober, Dan. I was just wondering. Oh, sorry. And one time I made the mistake of showing brain damage, which is a movie that I like, but is very much a, you have to be a very hardcore horror fan for that. Because there is a scene. It has a Evil worm creature and there's a scene where the worm comes out of a man's fly and a

prostitute is giving the worm head and Thanks don't turn out so well And they were going so well up until that point and I was, maybe I shouldn't have shown this to a crowd. Like, maybe like this is not a thing that exposed like a very personal part of your personality. So you're like a thing I want to be associated with. You're like your holiness orphans. I'm sorry this is the movie I chose. I know how rare it is that I get to host one of these papal movie screenings for orphans. I thought you guys were cool. Yeah. I remember showing at A-Bar, not my current bar, but at A-Bar, I showed to the screening

of Big Trouble in Old China. And the audience was a lot of younger people, you know, if it's any young people in the audience. But that's a movie where like, I think it's really fun, but if like taken out of context, it's been seen very racist and offensive. Even in context. Yeah, yeah, you're right. But yeah, it didn't go over well.

I was like, when I like this movie, what you've got to understand. By drink for me, please. There's the mic somewhere. Oh, there's a hush fell over the crowd. A new question answered. Or answered, We're answered. And was answered.

Tyler, last thing we'll tell you. And I've lived in Indiana my entire life, which means daylight savings time is still very scary. And if we only adopted it 12 years ago, so is there anything I can do tonight to stop the time government from getting this? Very good question. Yes, it is daylight savings time tonight.

Everyone's got a fall. And this was a question that we insisted somebody ask because we needed everybody to know that daylight savings that I have in the sky. The public service announcement. I think the most important thing to remember is, let's try to get through it. Let's try to keep living your life

because you're going to want it to be nine o'clock, and it's going to be 10 o'clock. And sometimes you just kind of put up with things, right? Life isn't fair sometimes, Dan. Dan, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault, Dan. It's not your fault.

It's not your fault. And I think we just made a breakthrough. I think we can do two more questions than we got to get out of here. So is there a mic? So there, all right. Okay. Fuck Mary Kiel.

Oh, okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay. Hold on. Don't say anything, Daniel Elliott. Oh, this is. Dan Arclay. Dan Arclay. Oh, okay.

The judge. Okay. All right. So, we're going to have a conversation. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Right in front. Nothing but trouble. Wait, who from nothing but trouble? Dan Acroix.

Oh, okay. The judge. Okay. All right. So kill, yes. Oh, wait, who was the middle one? The middle one with the weekend. Okay, that's weekend.

Oh, man. So, Ely, can you explain all these three things? Okay, so nothing but trouble is the worst film ever made. It's a Dan Acroix joint wherein a group of yuppies from the city go to a small town in Pennsylvania and an evil judge wants to feed them to a roller coaster that chooses your skin off and spits your bones out. And also the digital undergrounder in one scene.

It's very bad. So I would kill Dan Acroid's judge character. Dextog, Tektiv is course, the hero of food fight. He is a dog who is also Humphrey Bogart, who is voiced by Charlie Sheen. And he is solving the mystery of the missing food mascots. Him, I would, of course, have sex with. And the joygans are lovable little imps

that are hideous to look at, but really helpful to have around. So I would marry that juic. Yeah, and they also have access to a lot of gold, right? Yeah. And that's being you get financial security at that point. Yeah, yeah, and also donuts are like vegetables to them. So that would help me in some way.

This was the purest gibberish to most of the people who live there. I mean, we saw those movies and it was still pretty gibberishy. Yeah, and I agree with your assessment. I, you put it better than I could in a million years. I mean, if thank you, if I could kill the movie nothing but trouble. So it like never existed. I'd be okay.

I think we did advocate taking it out from Netflix and breaking the DVD and not returning it. Fair, a fair point, yeah. One last question if it exists, if not. I'm Matthew. No. Dan, my wife is the one directing much of you about nothing. Oh no. She says up yours too. So. No. I assume that you've gone on a different night. All right. Yeah. Gotcha. Good. Because of Jurassic World and the casting of Ted Levine, what actor do you pick that Hollywood should stop casting to play characters who will betray you shortly after? Oh, that's a good one.

Oh, yeah. Who do? There's so many actors that have the stink of evil on them. And you know instantly that they're going gonna be the one who does it. Ed Harris is not, has a criminal cast about him. Or like Max von Sydau. Like if Max von Sydau shows up in the credits, you're like, there's a villain in the movie. I think that James Woods is pretty unemployable now

because of his political beliefs. But James Woods, if he shows up in the movie as a, like, the vice president, you're like, all right, well, you've murdered someone. Yeah, I think Peter Sarsgard fits into that category too. It's like, okay, this guy is, this guy's thinking bad thoughts all the time. Maybe he's not the hero of this movie.

Unless what? Cater Glass, is he the hero of that? I think you're thinking of a different Sarsgard? He's not the hero of this movie. Let's sweat. Shattered Glass, is he the hero of that? I think you're thinking of a different SARS-Guard. No, maybe on the image. Maybe. No, no, not Stellan's SARS-Guard. He's great.

I don't know. He should be everyone's dad in every movie. There's like a SARS-Guard. There's a SARS-Guard. There's a SARS-Guard. There's a SARS-Guard. And there's a right guard. Yeah.

I think here's the thing. If a character's played a villain in a movie, we're all gonna assume they're playing a villain again. It's unfair, but it's what's gonna happen. I don't control it. Unless, who's someone who's played a villain and then played a hero, and it's like, yeah, you're a hero now. I mean, other than William Powell,

who of course in the silent era often played villains, but is best known today as either my man, Godfrey, or Nick Charles, the two greatest heroes in the history of cinema. Feel like you'd be feel like you deserve extra credit for answering your own question. I would be the worst professor because I'd be one of those ones who's like, and what is the chemical makeup of riboflavin? Yes, of course, R2796 or whatever. I mean, I wouldn't be, I would be the worst professor of chemistry because I don't know anything about it. I mean, that is kind of what professors do. They do give the answers while they're lecturing. I mean, they, they know what they're not like. And I'm keeping that a secret.

That's for me to know when you define doubt. And you disappear as if someone has said your name backwards. Alright, well, we brought it back around to college. That means we should wrap things up. Thank you. I finished, Dan. Thank you, Earlum, for having us. Yeah. Back.

Thank you to the audience for coming. Thank you to Earlum College. Thank you for everybody here for making this a great visit. Yeah, this has been super exciting for me and I think Dan Yeah, probably Elliott to get to come to Earl and do a show It's been exciting for me to see where it all started where Dan met Stuart Mm-hmm, and I noticed there was no plaque on the building where it happens All right guys. Thank you so much. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Kaylen. You don't know me. I'm not from here. Good

eye. Thank you. That riff was approximately a successful as Earlms Quickball team. Whoa! What, they just won our game? Oh, did they just tap? Alright, we're not recording this part. Like, they can see us through it. Okay, when I say it later, you guys got to totally crack up.

Yeah. Maximum up. Yeah. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported.