The Flop House - Ep. #294 - Love on a Leash

Episode Date: September 28, 2019

For the second episode of Smalltember (Smallvember) 2019, we cave to overwhelming demand and discuss Love on a Leash. Meanwhile, Elliott ain't your daddy's Crypt Keeper, Dan exhibits his remarkable ability for telling two voices apart, and Stuart isn't having a breakdown, that really IS the plot of the movie. Love on a Leash HAS no Wikipedia page. Movies recommended in this episode: Tigers Are Not Afraid Paris is Burning The Murderer Lives at Number 21 LIVE SHOW DATES 2019! September 28 – BOSTON – WBUR CitySpace (early show SOLD OUT, but there are still tickets to the later show!) October 12 – LOS ANGELES – The Regent Theater

On this episode we discuss love on a leash this romantic comedy is for the dogs Now I wish I had said this movie is a real catastrophe damn Hey everyone and welcome to the Flap House, I'm Dan McCoy. Oh hey there, it's me Stuart Wellington. And it's me, Elliot Kaelin, Dan, you sound a little sick. What's got you down? Uh, what's got me down, those are two different questions, but I guess what's got me down is the fact that I'm sick. Sorry, I didn't mean to throw you a curve ball so early in the show.

Dan, I apologize. I talked to you the way I would talk to another human being when I instead of should have talked to you the way I talked to a robot. So, okay, run.exe diagnostic. Why you sick, you sick, why slash in? Wait, why am I sick? Well, some sort of bacteria or virus.

He's taking that. I apologize, again, sorry. Let me do this again. Okay, maybe down, but his temperature is up. Run.exe dan diagnostic program. Sick, you sick, why slash N? Question mark. Yeah, I'm sick.

I write before, I don't know if you guys have this experience. Like I can feel myself getting sick, like right before the weekend, like it just came upon me and I'm like, okay, well this is happening. Yeah, Elvis could feel his temperature rising, yeah. Yeah, so yeah, it's been a slightly miserable weekend as I've been dealing with this, my throat hurts.

Yeah, then the like the camera move it, movements and editing gets kind of jittery and fast and you like rush into your bathroom and you're like knocking bottles of pills off of the sink and you're trying to hardly open up a package of emergency. I am not. I am not.

Yeah, that's right. I did try like all of the things that are supposed to shorten the length of a cold, like zinc and some sort of, I don't know, crazy like bullshit. Like that doesn't probably do anything, but it, no, that seems to be working. I can only imagine months down the road when listeners had been listening to episodes and they're like, this was the start of Dan's 10 month sickness. It is true that once I- It's made light of it.

It is true that once I get a cough, it does not go away. Mm-hmm. So- It just adds to your pre-existing cough, yes. Like a Chris Claremont X-Men plot line, it just continues in very short bursts for years. I appreciate, despite the ribbing you gave me, I appreciate the concern over my health

She just wanted to explain it to the audience No, no, I want you to feel better also because I care about you anyway enough about Dan who cares about him What do we do on this podcast Dan? No, this is podcast. We watch a bad movie and we talk about it. We are still in the Throws of September small timber Small Vembers you're thinking the word small Vembers. Okay. Where we watch smaller movies that people may not have heard about. This is our opportunity as giants among the influencer industry to punch down at smaller

movies. Yeah. And this case. We're punching so far down we might as well just kick because we're going to lose our balance if we keep trying to punch that low uh-huh we went back a little further than we usually do for normal non-you know contest winner episodes or guest episodes or anything like that

because normally the year was 1927 and all of America was except was had Lindy fever and that far and this movie came out right Dan? no, eight years it's uh... it's uh... twenty eleven release the year was twenty eleven and all of america had lindy fever that's right a man had flown across the Atlantic ocean by himself that man lindy Lindbergh in venture of Lindberghers

that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that you might say you mean limberger cheese no it's a different that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that he took limberger cheese carved his. No, it's a different cheese. I would say that, yeah. Lint burger cheese. He took limb burger cheese, carved his name into it, made it a new cheese. It's called limb burger. And that cheese inspired the catchphrase of one Steve Irkel got any cheese.

Mm-hmm. A lot of people don't know that that catchphrase is a reference to Lint burger cheese. It's like those Linty Toons cartoons where they reference things that people don't remember anymore. Yeah, they throw stuff in for the adults. Yeah. Now, here's the thing about Steve Irkel. He had two catch phrases.

When many Americans only have one catch phrase. I think Karl Marx would say, he had two catch phrases, did I do that and got any cheese? Karl Marx would say, no one should have two catch phrases until everybody has one catch phrase. Yeah. That's true. And then the baby from dinosaurs stole the show. Also two catchphrases.

You have catchphrases, guys. Do you have catchphrases? Uh, Stuart certainly does. Yeah, I got like a million of them. He's got a million. Rarow, uh-oh, lots of, you know. Yeah. Wait, what?

When he says- There's also, uh, I also do, did I do that and got an e-cheese. No, I think you're mistaking yourself the one, Steven Irkall, I can understand how you could make the mistake you guys are almost total copies of each other. But anyway, so the point is this movie's a little older than we usually do. It comes from the year 2011.

That's right, the 21st century, the future. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, and it's on Amazon Prime, so when you run over there, cue that shit up and start watching. That's the amazing thing about this movie is this movie is terrible. Let's just say that, but also it is anyone who has Amazon Prime can watch it whenever they want. There's so many greats of the cinema,

which are unavailable for streaming. It has the future. I think there's, I think there's what, like, a subcommittee that's investigating Amazon's practices of, you know, like, monopoly and other kinds of shit like that. And I'm assuming there's also a subheading where they're like, providing unlimited access to Love on a Leash. Ha-ha-ha. So Stu, tell, providing unlimited access to love on a leash.

So Stu, tell us about this movie, love on a leash, sounds great. Okay, so you fire this movie up, the poster by the way, looks like a professional movie, it is not. We open with almost no production logos, right to business like I like it. Image of dog sitting on the rocks. This dog, a golden retriever. We then watch some additional footage of a dog walking around a park, shot with a handheld camera, not

out of place in a serial killer video or the 9-inch nails broken movie. Now, when you say serial killer video, is that a video for serial killers to watch or a video made by a serial killer? Well, I think the answer to that is both, Elliot, because a serial killer makes the video and then he watches it. He doesn't just make it and stick it in his fucking murder van like a maniac. Wait, he is a maniac.

OK. So, and when I say that there is no sound, there is literally no sound. Multiple points in this movie, there is no audio whatsoever, which I'm assuming the filmmaker uses a feature rather than a bug so that occasionally he would, it's a woman. So she's a woman. Yeah, this is actually a feature film debut of director Fentian.

She was 72 when she made it. And apparently this was her dream project for years and years and years. Her biggest credit in Hollywood was that she played a, she played anti-number one in the Joy Luck Club. Yeah, but she was, she was a graduate of a number of Chinese arts and film academies. And this was the dream she had, love on a leash. So when you guys started the movie and there was no sound or music, did you like me think that your iPad or television had broken? Well, you warned me, Elliot. So I, I, but I was still amazed because when you said no sound, I didn't think you meant no sound, like avoid.

And there are scenes where even once the sound starts, people will talk and there will be sound for the talking and then the sound will drop out entirely. And let me... Yeah, like all ambient sound. As I was saying, I think that's almost like a feature in this movie because it's like, like the filmmakers assuming, oh, the audience is going to have lost interest and be looking at their phone and we'll have to look up when they think that, like, there's something wrong with their

TV, all of a sudden. Yeah. I mean, it's not since the last episode of The Sopranos was I so sure that a creative choice was something going wrong with my cable? I want to say, a lot of people probably know this already if they're listening to a film podcast, but for those who don't, a little filmmaking thing, when you're making a movie, you take something called room tone, which is just the sound of the ambient noises around you, the sound of the room.

And you use that, you just lay down a bass of that. You're tearing me apart, Lisa. Isn't that the sound of the room? Uh, anyway. You lay down a bass. Wasn't the room tones Tommy was O's band? Yeah, you lay down a bass of that audio and it helps sort of cover over these edits.

It provides an audio consistency. Well, because we don't live in a soundless voice, even when there's nothing going on, we still hear things. So to see a dog walking around or as is used as a transitional shot for some reason ducks on a pond and have no sound whatsoever is a jarring experience. Yeah. To shift gears in such a dramatic way that they would grind and moan. I just want to say we have been trying to give some content warnings on these

shows and I just recalled that I wanted to. Later on there is an attempted rape and an attempted suicide which seems very strange for what is ostensibly a light-hearted movie about a guy who is a dog half the time who finds love. But anyway. Dan, Dan, the idea of being trapped in the form of a dog is horrifying and terrifying to me, not light-hearted at all. The idea that you would make a light-hearted movie about a man who is sometimes a dog is crazy to me.

And if he was running for, say, DA, that would make it even more frightening. You're attempting to improve the world you live in by running for public office and yet sometimes you are a dog, a shaggy dog perhaps at that. The very idea of it is horrifying to me. And so just the thought that it would be a lighthearted movie is insane. Whoever would make that movie is an insane person and should be locked up. Okay, so I think it's time that we try and cut through this gordian knot of passions and heartbreak that make up and cut through this gordian knot of passions and heartbreak

that make up a plot of this movie. So as I mentioned, there is no sound, suddenly, from out of seemingly out of nowhere, a man's voice cuts through the void. And we hear a man's voice that we have to assume is the voice of the dog, or just a strange voice speaking in our head. It's a man who is complaining about the lack of the dog or just a strange voice speaking in our head. It's a man who is complaining about the lack of women around here. The lack of women in the park that the dog is running around. Now, would you describe this voice? Would you describe it as a pleasant, rational,

nice person's voice that is funny and good to hear and enjoyable? I would say it sounds like a off-brand Paul F. Tompkins doing like a jerk comedian impression. Doesn't like a man try to pet the dog and he's like, hey, I'm not gay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is going on? And there's a donning horror among the, there's a donning horror in the viewer as you realize, the dog is not interested in ladies or women that are dogs oh no he is trying to find a female human yeah I wanted to I wanted to make a point in

this too sir because at this point in the film we are not aware that this is a man trapped in a dog's body so we can only assume that this dog is horny for human females I mean to be honest, real dogs are. Let's just face it, any human leg, they are all over. So, you know. Yeah, yeah, we are saying that, yeah, whatever. So, so. Unless I am just so totally dog-like that dogs are drawn

to my legs, because the experience I've had is that dog see a human leg and they're like, yowza, ooooga! Head turns into a seam whistle open smile tongue lulls out like a red carpet rolls back up again eyes turned into like you know patriot missiles they start hitting themselves in the head with a hammer like that's what happens when dogs see human legs yeah yeah your legs turn into like I don't know like a ham dinner or like a turkey leg or like a nurse in a short skirt walking slowly provocatively yeah and also before I move on sorry the the dogs talk I like a turkey leg or like a nurse in a short skirt walking slowly,

provocatively. Yeah, and also before I move on, sorry, the dogs talk, I want to describe it a little bit in that it is kind of the same sort of just random constant pattern that you get in like a pop-by cartoon where pop-by is monologuing to himself. Well, it feels like you are watching someone watch America's funniest home videos and they heard Bob Sagitt putting his voice into that of a dog on a video. And they said, I think there's a movie in this. Let's see some footage of a dog and talk over it.

And so I think you're overlooking the occasional bursts when a movie that features no music whatsoever. The dog occasionally has the stream of consciousness songs, not unlike one of Elliot's letter songs. So close that I would almost feel like Eliot has some kind of legal suit against the movie. I certainly felt like my style was being bitten say by a dog now Stewart why do we learn do we get any hints as to why this dog man is that predicament. Yeah, the dogs are through, through sprinkled clues, we come to understand that the, that there is some kind of a consciousness trapped in this dog's body. A change had happened and that the dog wants to change back into a man. He blames his curse on a nearby pond, which is apparently magical and can talk to him and occasionally shoot out bursts of sparkles.

He asked the pond, which gives the dog a magical quest that he must find a girl which is convenient since that was his interest in the first place. And I gotta say this is all this all of this information is sort of doled out so like quickly and vaguely that only because I have seen other movies in which a man is trapped inside a beast, say, Beauty and the Beast, that I was able to understand the basic premise of the film. I do appreciate the Hutzpah takes

to have a magic pond appear in a movie as if that is a normal thing that happens a lot of the time. There's never even like what, a talking pond, the pond just starts talking and you're like, hold on a second, I have to assume it's the ponds that saying this because that's what's on screen, but that's nothing's prepared me for this so So we now watch the this dog character walk around in Try and find somebody and we then cut to a scene in the park where we have two women who are sending themselves

They are Paula who is dressed in are Paula, who is dressed in pink and Lisa, who is dressed in green. Paula is urging Lisa that she needs to date more. We learn that Lisa is a virgin. Paula says something, she says something about like the work of like some places filled with freaks, geeks, and players or playas, which I feel is,

that was kind of a missed opportunity for a second season or a third season of Freaks and Geeks, right? Yeah, Freaks Geeks and players, yeah, sure. It's around here while, so at this point, the other dog has set his sights on Lisa. He thinks that there is an opportunity for him to find one of these two, take one of these women back to the pond and find a way to turn himself into a man. Because he needs to find, he needs to convince a woman to love him in order to end the end. And we learn that Lisa has, you know, some, she's Christian, she has a deep faith.

The dog says the line in his head, of course, you don't need a god, which is great. I am a god bow. I mean, god and dog are the same letters. Think about it. But also, like, it's just thrown away in like one single line later in the movie, I believe, that he was turning into a dog because as punishment for being a lethario before that. But it's never clear, like, who is punishing him. This pond is magical, but what entity is this guy was sleeping around too much?

Clearly, he must be turned into a dog. Was it a powerful spell cast by a Asalan Rex? Litch King of Ravenloft? Who knows? We can only assume. We'll have to fill in that information. Show sure. It's the Litch King of Ravenbott

So The dog because at this point the dog doesn't have a name We will just call him dog dog gets dirty He used that as a way to trick Lisa into taking him home and giving him a bath He then immediately runs away. Yeah, I don't think we're quite giving another picture of how disjointed this film is. Because for instance, the dog meets Lisa. We're like a minute and a half in the movie.

Yeah, the dog is, this is the point at which I was telling my mom about this movie and she texted me last night and she goes, at 1.5, she goes, she goes, I watched a minute of it and I turned it off. Yeah. And I think she got to this point. Yeah. But it's so disjointed that like the dog meets Lisa, the dog runs away from Lisa, the dog like gets dirty meets Lisa again at like a car wash. It's a gas station.

Or a gas station. Yeah. And Lisa's like, oh, you know, like come home with me and she washes him off. But like it was so, I wasn't immediately sure that it was the same woman because it was such weird. She's still wearing green. Yeah, but it was it. But it was it.

And Dan was like this movie obviously as a huge budget. Certainly they could afford another actress for this scene. No, but I'm trying to get the point across that it was such weird storytelling to me that she just, that she didn't just take the dog home after meeting him in the park. There had to be this interlude where the dog runs away

and then meets her again at a second location and then she takes the dog home. So, Dan, this is how you know you're in the hands of a true artist because the movie is making you ask questions about its intentions. And the movie isn't taking the easy way out. Certainly, the easy way out would have been for her to just take the dog at the beginning.

But you need to throw complications in the path of your characters, and then also complications in what the audience expects. Now, you might expect that the dog, since it needs Lisa to change back into a man, would be friendly to her. But instead, the dog continues to run away and belittle her in its mind in ways that are strange and bizarre since it needs her far more than she needs it.

But that's when you know you're in the hands, as I say, of a true artist. Yeah, well I have some theories about that, but I'll wait till later in the movie. One of my theories is also that they didn't really have a great dog trainer and they just have a lot of footage of that dog running away from things and they had to write it into the movie. Oh, I, she'd bring up the dog trainer. I was gonna say this for later, but since she bring it up, I looked up the the woman who plays Lisa's mom who hasn't often introduced yet in this synopsis. She introduced around page eight of mine. Yeah, sorry, but but since she said dog trainer, she is actually a very accomplished animal trainer.

She's worked on a lot of big movies, for instance. She was the head animal trainer on Dr. Strange. She has like 80 credits on my- When animals are in Dr. Strange. I don't recall, but like she's- Like then it's not my ass. Mads, mads, mads, mads, mads, mads. Yeah.

Now imagine, mads, Michelson saying his line and then a woman off screen giving him a treat. Or like they have to get mad smichelson to look in the right direction for the cg i they have to use a feather to kind of and leave it for his head so he looks around but i can only assume that they got her to do all the animal training for the movie by dangling and acting role in front of her she's like this much as you would angle a feather in front of mad smichelson's yes anyway uh... proceed so so so Stuart where does Lisa work I

think we find that out next for excellent segue guys Lisa works at a like a clothing store that's in a basement she we're introduced to her where we at we've already skipped over the fact that everything in Lisa's apartment is green. And so I had a- Oh yeah, and the dog continues to mention, why is this house green? Why is everything green? And Lisa, where's green all the time?

Now Lisa, but I wanted to get to when she's helping a farting woman in a two tight dress. Okay, give me a second, I'm just talking a breather. Okay. Again, we're like three minutes into the movie. I mean, just skip over the notes about how, instead of curtains in her apartment, she just has like a green sheep tacked over the windows. She decides to name the dog Prince.

We are now going to refer to this dog as Prince. Prince and Lisa go shopping. Prince gets kicked by a guy who runs a clothing store, which is very harsh. And then we learn that unlike normal dogs, and this when Lisa learns that Prince is a little bit special, he can actually see color as evidence by his ability to see that her entire wardrobe and apartment is green. So he picks out clothes that might be better for her. A dog talent agent sees this and becomes very excited and gives Prince a business card that he takes with his mouth.

Okay, now you're at Lisa's house. Oh no. So you skipped over her coworker Kyle, who is who asked her out? Yeah, Kyle is he a coworker? Does he own the place? I can't tell. All I know is he has a clipboard in his hand. And this is simple authority. Yeah, the the flow chart or the or or chart

rather of who is who in the store is very confusing because Lisa's like awful manager berates her for how she handles a shopper. But there's a line who wants a two tight dress and Lisa says that dress doesn't fit you, but she wants it, and the manager is like, oh, of course it fits her. She's great. Why would you ruin this sale? Yeah, I mean, that's a classic good-cut bad cop trick.

That in this case, the manager is a good cop, and he slides in there with two. Yeah, but the point of what I'm saying. That's a very bad man, and a very bad manager, as we find out later. But the point of what I'm saying is that Kyle sort of like a very bad manager. We find that later. But the point of what I'm saying is that Kyle, sort of like tells her afterwards like, oh, I like your way better. And it's very confusing, as I said, as to who's in charge here.

Because if Kyle is above the manager, if he's the owner, it seems like maybe he would have said, hey, don't treat her that way. But he just kind of like whispers it to her afterwards. Yeah, they're probably co-workers. This is around the time Charlene mentioned my wife Charlene mentioned Nobody comes their hair in this movie uh My girlfriend mentioned that Lisa I would not have noticed this as a man, but Lisa has terrible hair extensions

Okay, and they're there were very visible once they're pointed out to me now I have to assume that Kyle then let's say he was researching stores for a paper that he's writing. Maybe for like Forbes or the Financial Times or something like that or the Rand Institute. And that's what he's just there researching. That makes sense. So Lisa goes back to work. Her manager, Mort, tries the old spider trick where he says she's got a spider on her back and then he places his hands all over her back.

Oh, we also, oh, Justin Amich has when she names the dog prints, we learn that the dog's name is Alvin Flang. And this is just something he occasionally says sometimes, but even when he comes, when he is a human later, she is still called Prince Melissa and he never says no, actually my name is Alvin Flang. It just doesn't come up. Okay. Uh, so as you and Lisa is friend zoning Kyle pretty hard after they go on a date.

Yeah, so I think I think our listeners can tell at this point that this movie is a little bit all over the place. If it sounds like Stuart and Elator fighting over the fucking drivers wheel, this move of podcast. it sounds like steward an elevator fighting over the fucking drivers wheel this move of hot gas. I just said it this this this while we're watching this was watching this movie I yearned for the craftsmanship and coherence of a talking cat which is so so well made and well structured compared to this movie. So an old friend Rita shows up to Lisa's house Rita is also also dressed in pink. I don't know what this

represents. Rita is trying to set Lisa up on a date. She mentions that a amorous shopper at the store from earlier was actually a part of a setup. What was that guy's name? Frank, Hank. Honestly, in my notes, I just called the guy a weird customer. So she decides, you know, she is conflicted because she likes Kyle and she also likes this other fellow who I'll find the name in my notes later. She lies down on the couch and pulls out a headshot

of each of them. And she's like, boom, do I date? I guess all day to both. It's her richer, the third moment. So we learned that Lisa sleeps in a heart-shaped bed, very appropriate. There's a, I hesitate to use this word, but there's a getting ready montage, which

is just sped up footage of her putting on clothes while the dog watches. Lisa is having trouble deciding, this is when Prince uses the term, Wambulance to great comedic effect. She then gets a phone call from her mom that is totally shot like an evil villain is calling her. It is totally like a kidnapper shot. She's sitting in pitch black darkness.

Yep, they're like black. With a back to the camera. Yeah, my. So, yeah, like I imagine she's like stroking what's the cat from, uh, from Inspector Gadget. Our theory while watching this was that they couldn't get that actress for that scene. So they shot her in silhouette and had a stand and do it. Honestly, I think you're giving too much production credit to the movie. I think that they just thought it would look cool, maybe.

I don't know. Or they just didn't have lights that day. So the mom starts to, what we see, we feel like the mother is about to chastise her for dating multiple men. But no, no, no. That's a misdirect because the mother says, no, you should date four or five men. And that seems like overly complicating Lisa's life. Around now is when Prince the Dog bites both of the headshots and then makes some off-color comment about how one of the photos tastes Japanese because one of the actors I think is Japanese. That dog has just been hired for Sedent Live continue. Continue. Oh, I was right.

It is Frank. So she goes on a date with Frank, who was the customer there in Frank's house. I can assume at first I thought it was some kind of a tea room. Me too. I thought they were in a restaurant, but then I think it's just the house. But based on the way that Frank's, they're having,

they're on a date, I guess, with, and Frank brought along his mother, who is portrayed as an evil herodin. And she is specifying exactly how many slices of ham they can eat which is kind of the clue that it was in a restaurant because you can't do that at a restaurant right you can't specify exactly how many ham slices you get I don't know I mean if you're at a deli you can sell you can buy it by weight I mean if you want if you want fewer slices I assume you could specify that I don't think you can just go and you can buy it by weight. I mean, if you want fewer slices, I assume you could specify that.

I don't think you can get the ass slices. Give me twice as much as you'd normally give me for this amount of money. I don't think you can do that. One of my favorite stories my wife tells me when she was growing up is she clearly remembers going to Italian restaurants with her dad and her dad telling the waiter when they sit down,

hey, can you bring a meatball for the kid? And the waiter would just bring a meatball out before they'd even get their food? Which, I mean, I feel like all restaurants should just bring a meatball for me. Can I like wear a shirt that says that? No, or maybe I'll note that in my reservation. So we also learn... Please provide pre-meatball. I will expect a meatball at the table when I arrive. So Frank says, would it in a crystal goblet like a fancy feast? Man, I don't know like, you know, growing up we didn't have crystal goblets and I would see that cat walking up to that thing to eat that fancy feast and I'm like, how dare you,

Lord, you're wealth over me, Ken. I'm impressed. You know, Karl Marx would say that no one should eat their cat food out of a crystal goblet until everyone has cat food. Like, hey, look, you may eat out of a crystal goblet, but we both shit in a box full of sand, so get over yourself.

So we learned that we learned from this mother that Frank. I always forget Stuart that you were raised on a shit mummification Communist cult Yeah, yeah, the the cult of the Dung beetle so we learned that Frank has a has a five-year-old and Obviously hit the this five-year-old's grandmother is very concerned that because Lisa is coming into their life and learned that because Lisa is coming into their life. And they have high aspirations for this child

that they expect him to become president of the United States. The movie doesn't clarify whether that happens, though it does cover a relatively large period of time as we'll get to later. That's a little plot thread, I guess, for the sequel. But she does specify some weird stuff. She places the condition that if Lisa were to Mary Frank, which is odd, because this,

once again, seems like a first date, that she would not be allowed to have any children of her own and that because this mother is a still working or a retired gynecologist, Lisa would have to have her tubes tied. And this is Lisa's reaction to have her tubes tied. And this is Lisa's reaction to this, which should be like, what? She just says this look on her face like, okay, if that's the price I gotta pay,

let me think about this. If that's really what it takes, like I'm not sure, it's worth it, but let me think about it. She's just absorbing all this information about how they have scientifically figured out how to raise this child and she can't have any children. She's gonna be the kid's step mom. It's a very strange scene. They have scientifically figured out how to raise this child and she can't have any children. She's going to be the kid's stepmom.

It's a very strange scene. Shortly after this, Paula comes over to hang out with Lisa to Lisa's house. Prince comes up and bites Paula and then Prince gets thrown out of the house. And he has to find a way to get back into Lisa's good graces. Once again, not really establish why this need to happen. Now, suitor number two, Kyle comes over. You know what, Stewart, you made me... This movie feels like they shot like a four episode or five episode mini series,

and then condensed it down to a movie, and maybe that's what happened. Uh-huh, kind of like, uh, kind of like widows. Widows was originally a mini series that was remade as a repurposed essay, a long film that, you know. Oh, oh was it I didn't realize that Yeah, think about it. I feel like that the more you think about the more that kind of shows in the movie But whatever no, I think you're right. I think I know I think I'd like to do but I think you're right. There's a lot of There's a lot of stuff going on in that movie and that makes more sense And I also I still don't get how in that movie a guy who's running for Alderman shows up the funeral of a famous bank robber and is like, I worked with

your husband. I had a lot of respect for him. It's like, wait, he's a famous thief. I didn't work with him and you knew him. It's a story. That was the one moment in the movie where I was like, wait, what's going on in this movie? It's like, was this originally meant to be set in a wild west town? Okay, so Kyle comes over and of course at this point he proposes to Lisa after she explains the bonafides of her art collection. Yeah, there's like a prominently displayed painting and then Lisa explains who the artist is, what their work history is, and where you can find it for purchase. It's on auction at Sotheby, as she says. However, there's a little wrinkle here. Kyle proposes, however he explains that he is a gay man, and he would only be proposing

to Lisa as a way to appease his family. And of course, he would need a child. He tells her he's let, he really backs into it and buries the lead because he's like and of course if we are married you could continue to date and be involved with whoever you wanted and I do want to marry you even though I find you physically unattractive I do want to marry and she's like what? And he's like oh I'm gay. That's what it is. Yeah. And my family is ashamed of me and it was like wow this scene got so heavy and That was a long way to just get across the road there, buddy.

I don't know why I had to go all the way around the block. I don't know why we were going in reverse down this highway, but. And he tries to sweeten the deal by offering her luxury furs, which is an odd movie in a movie about a woman who falls in love with a dog. Lisa, Lisa turns them down and Kyle leaves. He's like, please think about it and he leaves. And this is when we get to a kind of difficult scene where out of nowhere her manager mort breaks into her home drunk and begins to assault her. He explains that he is in an unhappy marriage that he is not sexually fulfilled by his wife and it is not

safe to see a hooker in his words, which I don't know. Now, mine's ever worked. Now, during this assault, I mean, so Prince runs to the rescue, but his attitude is very strange. The voiceover is like, hey, get off her, she's mine. Yes, it's not, it's not, hey, get off her. You shouldn't, right? That's wrong. Right, Lisa, it's, hey, get off her, she's mine.

And then, Mort, having been defeated by the dog, he runs off while shouting over his shoulder that Lisa is fired, I do not think that firing would hold up. And then Lisa's like breaks down and sobs on the couch while the dog does like victory-gloting. Yeah. He sings a song about how he's the king of the castle. It's very, so we've seen,

I guess what I'm saying is this movie is kind of tone deaf emotionally. Yeah. It's a nice way of putting it. Well, here's a theory that I have. So I think that once the guy, though, the dog turns into a guy, I think that his voice is different than the dog.

It's very different. There's no question. OK, so Dan, if you just think that, then you've got to look closer, because it's incredibly obvious. OK, so it is my theory that this movie was made. It's almost like you're like, I'm going to hypothesize that the man and the dog are not the same because they look a little different.

Yes, Dan, they're completely different. Alright, so, alright. Taking my lumps. Taking my lumps. I feel like the movie was made and then they might have been like, hey, this doesn't make as much sense as it should. Like, there's huge swas of no noise whatsoever. Maybe the dog should talk, and like, they also wanted to lighten the mood of the movie,

because the movie is weirdly dour for something that, again, is ostensibly a romantic comedy, I think. And so they just got someone in after the fact to just improvise riffs over things who maybe doesn't understand like what the movie is like he's way meaner to Lisa as a dog than he is as a human being. Uh huh. Like, surely, surely after this, uh, Lisa takes a bunch of, uh, Mentos shaped sleeping pills. Oh wait, let me just wait. Before we move on, Dan, I think you make, that makes sense that this,

maybe this movie was not originally meant to be a comedy. Yeah. I think it was probably, maybe it was meant to be a romance or a drama. And then they were like, no, no, no, no, we should add jokes to it. That's, let's bring someone into ad lib all this stuff.

And there's like, yeah, that would make a lot of sense. Dan, I think you might have cracked the code. Yeah, because the movie about it, we'll call it loving love on a leash. Because later on, I don't like, I don't want to jump ahead too much, but later on, once he does become a man part of the time, like the movie is a lot about sort of the struggles of being in a marriage and how much extra, like, tension is caused by the fact that she has to keep the secret and he's a man only half the time and it seems very once again a plot point that we haven't gotten to you. Yeah, but it seems odd. I just want it like I think jumping around makes sense here because I just

I'm saying that it seems oddly serious like the person behind it intended to make more of a kind of the person behind it intended to make more of a kind of magical realism sort of story and it just didn't work so they tried something different at the last minute. It was originally called 100 Years of Doggitude. Yeah, it was written by uh... I don't know. Salman uh... Bark D. Salman Ruff D, let's say. Oh wow, that was just sitting on the table. I didn't pick it up. Oh man, now I'm taking my lumps. So as I mentioned, Lisa takes a bunch of sleeping pills and she passes out on the floor is when Prince the Dog says, if she's OD'd, I'm screwed, which once again brings up

the fact that he clearly, he's a huge asshole. Like why are you screwed? That's the line that sums up the problem with the movie. If she ODs, I'm screwed. Like, it's so heartless. So Lisa, so quick thinking Prince the Dog runs out in the street, lays down in front of a car, the car stops, Prince leads the runs out of the street, lays down in front of a car, the car stops,

Prince leads the driver in who finds Lisa. Lisa is rushed to a hospital which is aptly named Garfield Medical Center. Mmm, Easter eggs all around. Prince then sings letter songs. Lisa gets out of the hospital, she runs home in the rain suspiciously, not wet. This is a very odd scene where she runs through a fake rain storm and then goes into her apartment completely unawetted by the water. She also comes home pretty casually from her stay at the hospital after taking all those sleeping pills. Yeah, she's looking around for prints.

She can't find them. She picks up a umbrella and then throws it away. And then and then she goes, uh, yeah, she goes running out into the rain. She goes into a park. Um, okay, this is where this is where the movie gets a little weird guys. She runs into a park looking for Prince. Prince is there. She exp what expresses her love for him or his, his love for Prince. Prince is there. She expresses her love for him or his love. So she vows to have no men but him forever. Which we then get some sparkle magic. And all of a sudden, Prince is no longer Prince.

He is a naked, strange man standing in the water or standing in the park. He is a strange man, right? Like, there's something very weird about him that I couldn't quite put my hands around. For a man who was a dog half the time, his body is very hairless. I also think that part of it might be that he's wearing. That wasn't it. He's wearing a crazy wig that I think is meant to be reminiscent of the dog's fur.

So that's part of it too, I think. I didn't even think about that. Once again, Easter eggs all around. She obviously Lisa is terrified. What she had previously been touching her dog, and now there's a naked, strange man, albeit incredibly attractive. Imagine how weird it would be,

petting a dog, and then suddenly be feeling naked human skin. That'd be strange and crazy. And he calms her down in a voice that is nothing like the, the dog's inner monologue. And he says, don't be afraid. It's me. It's really me, your dog. And she is swooning. She's terrified. She passes out somewhere in this process. He glosses over the, the whole story which is as we said He was a he was a man in a previous life He says a man who was cursed for his flandering and turned into a dog. Yes, but also I mean she's she's but fuddled by what's happened

but she also Thanks God for answering her prayers for a man. Yeah, she like wakes up and he like proposes to her Yeah, she declares Prince or husband. Then we get a little sequence where Prince explore, oh, and he still goes by the name Prince, which is odd. Yeah, especially since earlier, he was literally yelling. My name is Alvin Flang. I'm Alvin Flang.

Prince explores his new human body, looks at his butt. And then we see. It's so funny, because that probably is one of the first things you would do, right? Is check out your own primates to make sure that they look the same. I mean, I do that every morning when I wake up. Yeah, just to make sure there's no tail there. Uh-huh, make sure I'm not a dog. We then were then treated to, I don't know, one of the worst sex scenes in human history.

Yeah, I want to talk about don't know, one of the worst sex scenes in human history. Yeah, I wanna talk about this. Now, so like, Lisa is sort of like awkwardly giggling and kind of like rolling away from him a lot of the time. And I think the movie is trying to show you like her being sort of uncomfortable, or her being like experiencing sex for the first time because she was a virgin. I think that like the giggling and sort of like putting

her hands over her face is supposed to be that, but it reads like she really doesn't want to have sex with this guy. And at the same time, he seems kind of grossed out by her. Yeah, it's very unpleasant. Like they really, say what you will about the other bad sex scene involving Alisa in the room. At least Tommy was though, looks like he's interested in some way,

even though Alisa herself looks terrified. Yeah, and also this guy was a dog a couple hours ago, and they have jumped into bed immediately. So that's also kind of strange. Look, at any moment, he can turn back into a dog a couple hours ago and they have jumped into bed immediately. So that's also kind of strange. Look at any moment, he can turn back into a dog. It's like a conjugal visit in prison. You got to take advantage of the time. Well, and those fears are realized, Elliot, because the next morning she wakes up to find that a dog is in her bed. And then they immediately get over it. And runs over and talks to the magic pond, trying to find out what the deal is,

because he thought he had fulfilled the conditions of his curse. No, no, no. I think the pond explains that they're not 100% committed or something. He only gets to be a dog when the sun is down or shrouded by clouds. Yeah, the pond keeps really moving the goalposts because the pond keeps giving this guy kind of like love

quests along the way before he has to, he's like, no, no, now you gotta do this. And now you gotta do this. Yeah, like loom shark. His princess is literally in another castle each time. Yeah. You gotta find a woman to love you. Oh, well now you've got to learn true love.

Well now you've got to understand that a marriage means sacrifice. And it's like pond, are you making this up? Or are you learning this now? I think something that is just very strange is, it really becomes, as the movie goes on, it becomes more and more clear how different princesses as a man than as a dog.

As a man, Lisa, I love you. You mean so much to me. I just want to be your husband. I want to take care of you. And as a dog, he's like, what's your problem? Get out of my face. Come on. Like, just.

Yeah. And we're like, oh, again, with the green clothes again. Oh, boy. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. Like, it's, they're so, we talked about for it,

but it just, it keeps hitting you over the head how incredibly different they are. Yeah, and like, this is, I wonder, this is why I wonder whether they can- We're about 30 minutes in the movie, by the way. This is why I wonder whether the guy even saw the film because another instance of that is like, the dog at the beginning, as we mentioned,

like makes an offensive joke about like, hey, I'm not hey, I'm not gay, when a man is touching him, and then her coworker, a gay man, is presented relatively sympathetically and just as a normal dude who needs some help. And it's like, this guy didn't see the movie that he was doing his voice over for, is my point, I guess. Yeah.

Now, when you say normal dude who needs some help you mean like some help with his family situation not some help not being gay. Yes I'm sorry I just want to make that clear. Okay. Yeah so they you know they talk it through they figure out that he is they figure out the situation Lisa is pretty much on board with dog fucking. She is holding it. He's a man when they do it. This is just their new normal. Every relationship has its ups and downs

and their downs are during the day when he's a dog and their ups are at night and I think you know what I mean. So we like we see we see see their ups. I think you know what's going up at night. Yeah, you're making the same joke that my girlfriend actually made a few times during the movie, which is like, I only need him to be a man at night. Yeah, the tagline Charlene proposed, he licks his ass at day and her ass at night. Now, why that would have been much clearer about the movie, but yet it's I think it's a lot of women's dream to have a man at their back and call Literally he she can command him during the day to do things like sit play dead that all Thanks, you're getting into a weird area here Elliott that I'm not gonna support you on

Yeah, yeah, you've been you got you just signed on for that new what women want project Yeah, yeah, it's called what women want dot dot dot they want dogs that become man at night yeah it's a secret it's a legacy cool you know it's it's still stars male Gibson and his own dog wow courageous joys okay so we get to see some scenes of their like they're they're daily life Lisa I guess has a new job or the same job that isn't clear She we get a scene of her preparing like the saddest fucking breakfast for herself and And Prince where she like is scraping cream cheese from a little like takeout container thing like it's so like come on dude

and then we she has a good laugh when prints unlike every other dog in history is uninterested in human food and only wants dog food and she has a good laugh at that she's like you want dog food haha okay and for and then we it's like a little manic actually yeah it's kind of a weird who's afraid of a genuine type Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha the form of a question, who's afraid of a genuine, whatever happened to Baby Jane, who's sluanty, Rue, all that, it's Japanese style. You mean, Roma Mama from the show, right? I'm the great chefs of Europe. Exactly, all of those. All dogs go to heaven, question mark.

They purchase a collar and a leash, and then they pose for some photos that are like, part, I would say they're like, part wedding photos, and also part like, once again, kind they're like part wedding photos and also part like once again kind of serial killer-y photos. Like the sort of things you would find in a like a basement level in a resident evil game. I mean it's like I mean they're they're bondage play I guess because he's like wearing the leash which I'm not shaming that's wonderful but like because he is literally a dog half the time,

she does seem to be very much playing into, maybe like it seems like maybe her fetish now is the fact that he is a dog. Yeah. I mean, she's in a situation that is first known as no woman has ever been in before. She is exploring the new boundaries on the erotic continent. Which is, I agree with you, and this does feel like a one-off situation where a man was initially cursed into a dog's body and then has somehow found a way to live half the time as a dog and a man.

But later on, as a dog, he and a bunch of other dogs are, I think, like fighting over food. And we hear the inner voices of all these other dogs, and they seem to be communicating. So like, is this a common thing? Is this, I mean, I guess it says something about the reality we live in. I mean, that's, it's true, it's true that if all dogs were people in the form of dogs and we couldn't hear them talk, we'd have no idea. And we just would never know.

Pray, pray that you don't learn the other half of that scenario that you don't end up as a dog for the flop house, I'm the crypt keeper. Oh wow. You're a different crypti. Yeah, you've toned down your thing, huh? I'm the new crypt keeper. They fired the old guy because of the puns. Now my whole thing is sleight of hand magic, close up. Dan, pick a card would you a tarot card? I mean I can't through the Skype connection, but uh... Once again Dan, you have refused to yes and the scenario. I the Cryptkeeper had no way

of knowing that you are a logical robot, but if he were here, should have known that and he apologized. he would here should have known that and he apologizes. So we then go, so despite all there, you know, there newlywed bliss, we, we, there's a rocky road ahead because we have a scene in the park where they're having a picnic and Lisa has gotten all the things that he loves, what the like, chop liver, et cetera, et cetera. But there's something that's like kind of stuck in Prince's craw. This is before- She wants him to eat this food, but there's something eating at him. Yeah, and this is performed admirably by this dog actor who is just sitting on a blanket

in the park while Lisa talks to him and has a one-sided fight with him. Please communicate with me and this dog just stares off into the void smiley to be a final wall in the scene it is so pretty all i can imagine was people walking by and seeing a woman yelling at a dog in the park as if they were in a relationship being like what is going on here because it's shot from like far away pretty much to right here and you know the dog may be smiling but his eyes aren't he is certainly not smiling so it's you're seeing

this one of the situation is like well let's get home we'll talk about it there honey and she's like we'll talk about it right here but so we learn that he he feels he feels that he should be able to provide for her if he is the the man in this relationship And this is this is a challenging thing because as we've said before he is only a man at night And there's a limited amount of professions in what loss angel. Where is this loss? Angeles I think it's I think it's Los Angeles, but Stewart you as everyone know you would know that anyone nobody works at night There are no jobs at night. There are no nighttime jobs

Yep, I'm coming off like three hours of sleep because I worked a nighttime job. So he gets a job at the, remember the, the dog talent agent who showed up earlier? Well, he comes back. And weirdly enough, we have another returning character. That's right. The dog talent agent is working with the farting woman

from the dress store. Because there are no loose ends in this movie. That's craftsmanship. is working with the farting woman from the dress store. Because there are no loose ends in this movie. That's craftsmanship. And she needs a dog actor for a commercial she's doing. And I got a little loss in the exact series of how this all played out. But I think he made a phone call or left a phone message.

And. He left a phone message and said, well, first he gets there too late. They've already left for the day. And so he sits in a hot parking lot and we get the immortal line from the throat guy who's throwing lines into the dog's mouth, ah, my ass, because the parking lot,

I assume, is too hot for me, the sun. And then he calls, as a human that night, he calls the dog agent and arranges a daytime meeting. And the dog agent has a, has a, the, he has a, like a, the, he has a, like a bubble letter sign on his front door that just says dog talent agent.

But also, but also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that.

But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. But also that. He leaves us like, hey, remember that dog you're looking for? He'll be outside your building at like this hour or whatever. And like, so the dog is just showing up on Chapron.

And I really wonder how the dog is getting paid, whether they're just handing over the story. They explain it, they explain it Dan, they hand cash to the dog. He says pay him and cash, give it to the dog. Now, here's the thing, the client and the agent go into his office, the dog is already there. Prince is already there sitting at the desk, a master of breaking and entering sneakily.

And they're like, we got to prove that he can do this. Pick up the red phone and then Prince picks up the red phone. Now pick up the lap, the indigo phone. And he picks up the indigo phone. And they're like, he did it. He's the most brilliant dog in the history of dogs. Yeah, it's's it's pretty incredible So he gets his commercial gig They also treat him like he's already famous. They are so they are so Differential to this dog sitting at a desk and I think it's hilarious. I was like, oh sir. You're here already

Well if we could talk to you about the commercial. It's just really funny So he gets his gig obviously because he's an amazing dog actor. And then he shows up with presence for Lisa later on as he's a man. And when she asks him about it, he says, don't ask how I get money, which is like, that's the shadiest way to say that, sir. And then Paulus Carbrake's breaks down and she needs a shower. Oh wait, before that, before that we do see what Lisa finds out about Prince's job. How does she find out about it?

Yeah, so she's watching TV and Prince realizes that one of the commercial cities in is on there. So he tries to turn off the TV, she watches it, and in fact, she realizes, oh my God, you're a commercial dog actor. Yeah, and the commercial involves Prince fighting and befriending an ninja. Yeah, I'm not going to have to propose. I'll tell you that. Well, yeah, like he had shown up with like an injury as a dog and she's like, what's going on? He's like, don't ask me about my money.

You know, I just, I'm doing it for my family like every guy on a reality competition show ever. So yeah, I think at this point, and they, I think they gloss over it. She's like, okay, well, you got a job. That's great. She's like, you're famous, you're famous dog who teams up with an Injon TV. You know it's my life now. Okay, it's a famous dog who teams up with an Injohn TV.

That's my life now. Okay, it's a living. You would think at this point, she would then help support him. I would think it would make life much easier if she's like, okay, we'll all manage you. Like, why don't? But I guess that's, that would infringe on his,

you know, his sense of self and worth. Well, part of a marriage is having separate spheres so you can have your own thing. Yeah, I mean, it would be very strange if a husband and wife were to work together or own a business together or I think it would be crazy. You're asking for disaster at that point, cruising for a bruise in, if you will. Yep. And oh, have I been bruised. So you're saying, Paul comes over. Paul comes over. Her car is broken down. This is at nighttime, so of course, Prince is a human man. Lisa is terrified and hides a naked prince

in a like a small wardrobe or like a temporary wardrobe. Paul needs to take a shower, of course. She is immediately suspicious of Lisa's behavior because Lisa is behaving very suspiciously. Well, by the way, this is the shower thing. Like, she barges into the house and immediately goes to the bathroom and Lisa is like, what are you doing? I'm going to take a shower as if it's the most normal thing to do to go to a friend's

house, walk in without telling them they're going to take a shower and just start showering. Please continue. I mean, maybe it's a lot of cinematics. Yeah, and your car is never broken down before. Okay, that's hot work. Okay, so she, she, Paula finds Prince, of course, because they're acting crazy. She is obviously frightened because Prince, it looks like a monster man, but a very, you know, cut and beautiful monster man. They, they a monster man. They, uh, but a very, you know, cut and beautiful monster man.

They, a very gentle monster man. Paula does not take this well at all. Despite her earlier urgings for Lisa to find a man, she is horrified that Lisa would hide this from her. And it's, it's a very strange like, it's that sort of thing where you're like, why is this character angry? Yeah. She seems so intent on Lisa getting some earlier on

and now she's like, this is the friendship ending argument that they have. She's like, you're a hypocrite. I thought you were this big virgin, but now you're not, but you actually have a man. You lied to me, I'm out of here. I mean, it says a lot about how sometimes in our friendships and relationships,

you can kind of pigeonhole your friends into just one thing and like everybody has like rich in her lives, right? We're not just like one character. No, not at all. So I was like, unless you're Dan, but anyway, so I would say that much like Watergate, it wasn't the crime but the cover up that they call a mad. And since she hides him in a shower that zips up,

that the thing is like it's like it's temper with an opaque shower curtain I would call that a water gate. Oh, oh gate to get to the water of the shower Oh, let me out. Let me layers upon layers I guess so forever It's a lead show works. Okay. Yeah, do the math please I think it's, I think it's show works, okay? Cool. Yeah, do the math, please. Technically a joke, okay.

Okay. So now that Paul is out of her life, Rita has no option, or Rita, Lisa has no option, but to have a fun day with her other friend, Rita. I feel like Rita is like, now I get to move up a slot to best friend. And Rita, who had seemed somewhat innocuous at first starts to show her true colors.

She is, uh, uh, Rita is very aggressively trying to get Lisa to go to places with her. And at this point, I'm like, is Rita also trying to magically transform into something. She takes Lisa to, looks like a restaurant with a dance floor, where Lisa's mother is. So Rita and Lisa's mother are at this restaurant and they're encouraging Lisa to dance with a collection of different men who begin to fight over dancing with Lisa. Lisa is put off and it is revealed that Lisa's mother and Rita have been paying these men to dance with Lisa. Lisa is put off and it is revealed that Lisa's mother and Rita have been paying these men to dance with her. Yeah. Which they're very bad at their job. Well, it seems like they would just take turns rather than fighting over. Yeah, I mean, if it's a job, why would you, I mean, are they being paid by the, like, the step of the day? I'm still being paid

per dance. Yeah. Here's something that I want to say at this point. So this movie is obsessed with Lisa getting married or paired off. Like all the characters, a proposal are almost immediately. She is seeking a man. When she finally does get married, it is right away. And her mother is obsessed with this as well. And yeah, her mother says the only thing

that would make her happy is for Lisa to find a man and stuff. And I'm gonna reveal another piece of the puzzle in Dan's girlfriend. So my girlfriend is- Wait, why are you hiding pieces of puzzles in your girlfriend? Okay. She swallows them?

Very gross. Anyway, I haven't seen Ready or not yet. Don't spoil anything so my girlfriend is Asian and when she Found out that the person who made this was in elderly Chinese immigrant. She's like, oh this makes so much more sense because Like she's like, okay, this is like a cultural thing where it would be more important to You know marry off a daughter in the way that this film wants her to be married off. But it's baffling in, like, sort of modern American context. Like, it makes, it makes far less sense to be like, oh, like, why does everyone give a shit so much? Yeah, based on our reactions. Yeah she at this point lets the other shoe drop and she

reveals she's found a man. Mom you don't have to worry about me. She says I got a man and your mom says and her mom says what's your man got to do with me and they it's they go on like they keep doing it for a long time. Her mother's like oh amazing I need to meet this man and And Lisa's like, of course, we can have dinner tomorrow. And her mom's like, no, no, no, I have a plane booked in the afternoon. That's that's strange. I have a plane booked in the afternoon. Let's meet in the morning.

Lisa's like, oh, that's that I can't do that. Obviously, because Prince at this point would be a dog. Let me state the rules. But then Rita's like, oh, no, oh no, we can change that booking because I guess Rita's also her mother's travel agent. Yeah, it's a needless application, but blood. She's kind of a jack of ultra. You kind of get the feeling that the mom is not

the best at taking care of herself. She gives a speech to Lisa about how like, I know I have a history of bad men and that's influenced you to be afraid of other men and things like she you know This mother is carrying a lot of carrying a lot of backstory baggage Uh-huh, and so but they agree to this dinner and we The dinners held at a restaurant. It's shot. There's a lot of awkward scenes of people slowly eating their food There's a lot of synchronized fork movements as all four of the people at the table take a bite at the exact same time in between lines of dialogue.

The Rita and Lisa's mother are very aggressively pushing for information like what does he, what does Prince do for money? And of course they have to, they come up with a lie that they say at the exact same time and they both mess up. Lisa and Rita's mother are, Lisa's mother and Rita are trying to push for them to get married tomorrow at the license bureau. I don't know. I felt like this scene was kind of the center point of the movie. Oh, OK.

Oh, yeah, it was an intricate play of words and character moments. And there's a feeling of like if they aren't able to show up and get married at the courthouse tomorrow at 10 a.m. that there's something clearly suspicious about Prince a man they just met. The problem though is Prince doesn't have an idea. He is undocumented or should I say undog You shouldn't say that. I do love the idea that I do love there is the scene where where Prince and Lisa are in the car talking about their

options and Prince is like oh well we could just alope or we go to Vegas and she's like Prince you don't have an ID. Oh, that was great. Yeah, so obviously this is the, I like that they're exploring some of the challenges that this fantastical situation sets up. Oh, yeah, they've thought it all out. So now Rita shows up, so you know, they turn them down

and Rita shows up, so you know, they turn them down and Rita shows up to the house. She has this like, she shows up to Lisa's house with a strange story. It's like in the morning and she's like, there's trouble with my car or like I got lost and I got dizzy and I need somebody to drive, somebody to the airport. It's, and it's the most obviously made up fake story

that I've ever heard. And Lisa is like, okay, well, I guess the only option is for me to drive your car, Rita, you stay here and Prince, I don't know, stay here too, but like the clock's ticking, he's about to turn into a dog any moment, which means this is like pre-dawn. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Uh, this is, this is after, this is after he failed to show up to get married. And then as a dog wandered off saying

Kung Pao over and over again. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Which fits into Dan's theory that they just hired someone who had not seen the movie to just speak over the dog. But OK, so she's going to leave and read us there with Prince. So like Prince is nervous, Lisa leaves. And Prince turns around and Rita is immediately searching the apartment. She's tossing the apartment. She then begins to like kind of attack Prince

to try and get information out of him, Find out where he works, what he does. He's too mysterious. Prince runs away while Rita chases after him. He starts to slowly morph into a dog and by morph I mean like a tail is sticking out of his pants. He runs into a restaurant. It's not exactly an American where Wolf and London is what you say.

No, he runs into a where Wolf. They only had time for one amazing dog transformation effect And that is later on in the movie. He runs into a restroom and a restaurant Rita chases after him and when she opens the door a dog runs out and there's a pile of clothes sitting in the corner Rita talks to Lisa and says, you know, I Saw I saw a prince turn into a dog and Lisa's like you saw him turn into a dog and she's like that's the only explanation for it. I didn't actually see it but come on. Man goes into a bathroom dog runs out. Close left behind. Either there's a naked man in the

in the vents. Now what let me explain it that you your mind fills in the blanks between the fails. What what if this turned into like take a sharp left turn into film noir at this point and Rita just starts blackmailing them to not reveal that he's a dog. I'll tell your mom that he's a dog. That'd be one of those things just like go ahead. And no one's gonna believe you. It's crazy.

You can't take that chance Lisa. We can't take that chance. We've got to give Rita the money or Kill Rita and then he kills Rita as he killer as a man or as a dog because either way He could be out in public as the other form or does Lisa do it and they're like Lisa You should let me kill her because I would have more deniability because I could do it as a dog Anyway, they're on the run is the important thing. And the police are on the lookout for a woman with a dog so they can only travel at night because she's not a woman with a dog at night.

She's a woman with a man. I call it, they live by night. Right. Great. We learned that in Lisa's house that she is a drawer just full of various actors in the movie's headshots. That's odd.

Is this one she tells Rita to get out of her life? Yeah. I think she tells Rita to get out of her life? Yeah, I think she tells Rita to get out of her life. And she approaches Prince where she thinks the... Is it around now where she suggests to Prince that they need to have a baby together? Yeah, it's at Prince Stinks, his immortal song, I will never make my goal, as he wanders the town, when I will never make my goal. I will never make my goal. And then she says, there's only one option,

we have to have a child. And Prince is distraught by this, and Lisa doesn't understand why. She's like, what could be causing all this trouble? Do you not love me? And of course, the reason is because he's a half man, half dog. What do you...

He says, if you want a bouncing baby, warg, then yes, maybe we can do this, but... Yeah. Yeah, they deal with a bunch of other basic relationship bullshit. Lisa starts to be a little emotionally manipulative and she pressures Prince into going to a work lunch. Her boss is throwing a work lunch.

Oh, that's right. Miranda. This is the owner of the store. The owner of the store we have not met before. This is after I just want to make mention that there's a little plot cold as sack as they're going to go together seeing exhibit of Chinese fossil statues, but no dogs allowed. So Prince is nervous about making any kind of plans during the afternoon, but Lisa's like, no, it's going to be it's going to be cloudy as soon as it's cloudy. She commits. She pressures Prince into going with her. She's like, it's going to be cloudy with a chance

to meet Paul. So even if you turn into a dog, you'll love it So two things like this is a this is apparently a new rule I didn't know that this was a sun-based transformation and not a day-in-night-based transformation, but also I Explain that part that if the sun is occluded by clouds. Yeah, but also like we see them at this luncheon and You know, it's pretty bright. It's one of these cloudy days that's achieved by throwing a filter over the camera. It's one of these cloudy days that's achieved by having the characters talk about how cloudy it is regardless of the surroundings. And what I love is that on this very cloudy

day they've decided to still just fuck it. Let's eat outside. Yeah next to the pool on the veranda. This scene has maybe the best dialogue in the whole movie. Just the boss and his family talking. It is so obviously written by someone who is not familiar with like American idioms necessarily. He's complaining about his kids where... He's like, my kids don't have any interest in running the stories and his daughter says I'm a medical doctor

And it's great and but he wants but he wants to promote Lisa to manager. Yeah, he says I'm thinking about promoting you and some of the other guys So he has this is his whole plan And she's obviously very excited about this because it's a big promotion. And lunch wraps up, Prince is sitting at a side table with the son of the manager. And Lisa is walking around the other side of the pool, you know, hashing out some of the details I'm assuming. When the son comes out and prints immediately, immediately anamorphes into a dog. And the kids shout, Dad, Prince just became a dog.

And Lisa falls in the pool. She's so horrified. And Prince saves her while being really verbally abusive. And that's where the other favorite line of the movie, you pizza face, sinter block, which makes no sense. The now do you think she was in her head, she's like, if I make a big enough scene, nobody's gonna notice that Prince just became a dog. They'll just remember this as the day Lisa fell in the pool, not the day Lisa's boyfriend turned into a dog. Okay, so this scene wraps up as soon as the two of them

climb out of the pool. We don't know actually if there's any fallout. We see them kind of toying over the troubles of their relationship. They're playing with a chair in Lisa's house that is a giant hand that I had not seen before. It's basically the chair that that that buster is sitting in an arrest development, right? That big game chair.

And this one prints explains that there's a might be another option to die and be reborn which Lisa is not up for for whatever reason. I don't know what a win. He leaves her a deer, John note and he runs off It's written on green station area or green napkin She Lisa doesn't take it well Prince runs and talks to the pond. He explains that you know, it's just not gonna work out I tried everything he could possibly think of and the ponds like what are you talking about? Why don't you guys just stay together and he's like oh yeah?

The ponds like you have to work out your problems and it's like at this point the pond is just The is just princes like Wilson from home improvement Mm-hmm like or Wilson from Castaway for that basically a magical therapist that you don't have to pay Yeah, oh if only but you do have to state your problems out loud in front of everybody at a part public park at all i i don't think the dog is speaking out loud i could be wrong so you're saying this is a telepathic pond still something's push my but push my except to disbelief too far i can only

suspend my disbelief so far magic pondagic pond with CGI glitter that turns men into dogs to teach them a lesson. Yes, telepathic ponds. I know things. So the pond was the thing that turned them into a dog in the first place. I mean, that is clearly. I mean, it's, I mean, you don't need an explanation. Groundhog Day doesn't have an explanation, right? No, I guess you're right. You're right. Right. Because they cut out that scene where his ex girlfriend casts a voodoo curse on him. So maybe this and so I maybe she saw Groundhog Day and she was like well Harold Rames can get away with it. I can get away with it.

So Prince realizes that he was wrong. Lisa runs out looking for Prince. The two of them are running toward each other. Prince crosses the road without looking both ways and Unfortunately is hit and killed by a car now Here's my question when they when they when she barriers him in a box because he's a dog at night Does his body turn into a man's body and break through the box and then like grow and shrink until he? Rots away forever I mean, I feel like I feel like the real shame, the almost cosmic shame, is that when he is hit and killed, that he doesn't at least get the dignity to die as a man.

Yeah, that's the die as a dog. And also, this scene would have been much less troubling if I saw the actor who was playing prints on the ground covered in blood, then a poor dog on the ground covered in blood like I don't want to see that ever No, although the dog does look like a dog who's just taking a nap with some fake blood on his head He's not even playing dead. He's not even on his back with his feet up in the air. Yeah Okay

Now here's the important point you got you got to prepare the audience for what's coming next. So it feels like the movie's over, but no, no, no. We get a new title card. It says, years later, how many? Oh, we'll find out. Now, you might be expecting two, like in the Bratz movie, three, four, maybe. Oh, boy, expand your idea of what years later can mean.

So we have an exterior shot of Lisa's apartment. It says apartment for rent. What has happened? We'll find out. Paula arrives with a large family in tow who we learn later are her grand children. And they're like adolescents. They are, it is a shocking revelation

because she, other than dressing slightly more doubty, she, uh, she just has a slight graying to her hair. Yeah, as does Lisa. The, these elderly apparently want women are being designated just by, they sprayed some silver into their hair. It's like, it's like when a kid plays an old person in a high school play and they just put flour in their hair. Like that's what this is.

And did they specify that it's been 40 years? I don't remember if they ever say the amount of time, but it must be something like that. So Paul and Lisa have have not talked since their friends break up years ago. They catch up a little bit, obviously let bygones be bygones. They sit in a strangely lit dark room where they're with heavy shadows, and Lisa has clearly revealed her history and her relationship and all the magical properties of her relationship with Prince.

She's showing her a photo album. Showing her the photo album of murder photos that we had mentioned before. And the pictures of her with Prince as a man are on alternate pages with the pictures of her with Prince as a dog. So they start to speculate now, like, what are the rules? If he died then, perhaps he is reincarnated, and she could just find him again. How many years has it been? Would it be a dog years or man years?

And Paula has said, Paula says, no, his age would restart from the day he died. He'd be much younger than you. She says that as if, like, let's common knowledge. Come on, Lisa. How do you not know that? But Lisa hadn't even considered that possibility. Her mind is blown. We then have a new scene where a young man arrives at the apartment for rent. Yeah.

At first, his face is obscured. Who could this young man be with tussled hair? Although his hair is different in this scene. His hair is different. Because he's, I guess, a different kind of dog. Yeah. We find out that is young, that is Prince. Prince is returned from the dead.

And he is exactly the same age as he used to be, except his hair is different and he has full memories of his life. He explains that he has a successful career as, huh, you guessed it, a dog trainer. And he's like, did you put that notice in the paper that your apartment was for rent to catch my attention and she's like, yes, and it seems there would be a much more straightforward way to try to contact somebody then to be like, yes, and it seems they would be a much more straightforward way to try to contact somebody than to be like, I'll put my apartment for rent and I'll just hope they show up. Well, also, she's like, why didn't you find me earlier? And he's he basically is just like, you don't want to know.

And the movie just hand waves it away. So they are, they, they embrace magical dust falls from the sky They spin around in circles and they are getting married in her I guess backyard But what happens to Prince's hair? Princess Princess hair gets old and gray, but then as they spin around they both get young again. It's very strange It doesn't make any sense. We have a scene before they got young again By the way, like when it just looked like he was gonna get old. I was very worried about his dog training

Business because I figured that he would go back trying to take you know like take his Rifle place as the head of this business and be like're like, get out of here, old man. You don't own this business. Anyway, yeah, I mean, because he was so incredibly different. Sure, yeah. And the dogs would be like, you used to smell like young people things, but now you smell like gold bond powder and met a mussel.

Get out of here. Yeah. Because in the 40 years in the future, people will still be using those two products. I mean, possibly. I also imagine that he turns old and he's like, what did you do to me? You stole my life away.

I didn't get to grow old. I died, remember? You've just stolen years off my life, and Lisa's like, but now we can be together. And he's like, get away from me, you old lady. Runs away. But no, they both get young again, right? Is it a good thing to be married?

Yeah, so we have a scene of them like in like a backyard that is dressed up for a wedding. They spin around in circles as magic dust drops on their head and they awkwardly kiss in a repetitive manner and it looks kind of like a loading screen. And they smile at the camera like a couple of sinister vampires. And then we get of course the the and title card. So that was love on the leash guys. So I miss anything else. Well, there's there's not bloops per se, but there are some things during the credits just showing the dog training. A brief moment of dog training when I realize, oh, most of the times when there's no,

where the sound just cut out completely, they were just awkwardly editing out the dog training commands. They were directing the dog during those moments. This is a movie that I feel like. We somehow only, even though we went through it in extreme detail, only scratched the surface of how strange and off-puttingly put together it is and how amateurishly made it is.

We barely talked about the symbolism of the green and pink color choices. And how between almost every scene, the transition shot is the same footage of ducks on the pond, no matter how far away we are from the pond at that moment. That's just like how we transition from one scene to another is with those that image of ducks. Yeah, it is baffling to me that this is available on Amazon Prime. Like I know that they just go out and get

like as much content as they can to have this huge library. But, you know, whatever small licensing fee was paid for Love on Elish is just crazy that this is widely available to, basically the whole world. It feels like this movie was made partly as a scam. And that's why there's no, like a scam

intending to make a feature length film that can be chopped up into smaller segments and used as the background video for karaoke. Yeah, you know what? That's what it feels like. It feels like a feature-length adaptation of a karaoke video. Yeah. All right, so I think we're in it already, but is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie,

or a movie kind of like? This is called Final Judgments. Okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, this is a good bad movie. It's totally crazy. Yeah. Yeah, this is a good bad movie. It's totally crazy. Yeah, I agree. I mean, you do have to suffer through some awkward scenes of

attention sexual assault, but they are very fast. The rest of it is so fucking weird that it's worth checking out if you're into that kind of thing. I would say every scene that touches on a hot button issue or a traumatic thing is handled in such a strangely ham-handed and unnatural way that hopefully it would dull the impact of them. Because certainly the characters seem to exist in a literally soundless void where emotions make no sense, actions have little to no consequences. And you are never more than a minute away from a dog singing a song about nothing.

Yeah. It's like it's, it's a, can be a grueling journey if you were to take this on your own. Like I don't, I don't recommend anyone just sitting down and popping this in. But yeah, I feel like it would be a fun party movie. John Rafale fans hear me, I know you're out there. Do not be ashamed of your love for Gore, action sci-fi or fantasy. It's time to come out of the shadows. Because on Switchblade Sisters, we celebrate our love for genre films. I'm Film Critic April Wolfe. Each week, I have a conversation with a different female filmmaker about their fave genre film,

and we cover film craft, getting projects off the ground, working with actors, and our general love for genre movies. I've had so many great guests like Heather Graham. In the past, it's like so many films are made by men that the female point of view is not always respected, which is why all these stories haven't come out till now. Jennifer's body director, Cardin Kusama. I think there's a lot more fantasy and a lot more expectation projected

onto a woman director. Commuting an actor, Kate Verlant. I mean, it sounds so cheesy to talk about it in yourself. Like, you just keep going. You know, I'm just a vessel. Like, I just do it. You know, I don't think, but like that is what it is. And many others, so check out Switchblade Sisters every Thursday on MaximumFund.org or wherever

you get your podcasts. Hey, thanks for coming. Thank you. Thanks. These are real podcast listeners, not actors. We took the identifying marks off this podcast. Just tell me your impressions. It's really sexy.

My first thought is like radio lab? Definitely something popular. Yeah, really popular. A hit show. But funny too. Like does Tina Fey have a podcast? Or the Marks Brothers? Yeah, this podcast radio lab,

but hosted by the Marks Brothers. And sexy, like Shade, It reminds me of Shade. Exactly. And they're all writing in a BMW. Close, but not quite. Take a look behind these panels. And then watch this rocket blast off into space. Oh.

And there's the pies we made you. Now, let's show you the podcast. Oh. And there's the pies we made you. Oh, no. Let's show you the podcast. Oh. Wow, it was Jordan Jesse Go. Jordan Jesse Go? Hold on. Oh.

Oh. Oh my goodness. That was 514 JD Power and Associates Podcasting Awards. That was really scary. But compelling. I guess I should definitely subscribe to Jordan Jesse Go. Um, yeah. I'd say so.

Jordan Jesse Go, a real podcast. Alright guys, let's move on to our sponsors. The Flap House. Who's the book on this love on a leash? Yeah. The Flap House is brought to you in part by Arm and Hammer, Cloud Control Cat litter. You know what I love? Army Hammer?

Army Hammer, and also my cat Archie. He's a... Archie Hammer. He's a delight Stewart knows it. Archie loves me, but adore Stewart whenever he comes over. Archie will be all over him, pushing his face into Stewart's. How did this add for Catletter turn into a passive aggressive attack on Archie's preference for Stewart?

I would say preference. He's happy to see Stewart, because Stewart's not around as much. I don't know. Is this an add for Stuart. You should get Stuart for your cats. I'm just talking, I don't think it's a bad idea. I'm just talking about how lovable Archie is to set up the fact that, you know, as lovable as Archie is. At night he turns into a man. as RG is, it's not a fun thing to clean up after him, to handle his poop and his congealed pee. But that's why Arm and Hammer. Dan, I don't think you're cleaning it up fast enough.

It's congealing. That's what the litter does. It clumps that up, which is why Arm and Hammer created a new cloud control litter, no cloud of nasties here. It is 100% dust free, free of heavy perfumes, and it helps reduce airborne dander from scooping. So what happens in the litter box stays in the litter box. So does it does it have a feature in there that when the cat is done using the box, it doesn't immediately run away screaming.

Is that a thing that cats? Yeah, cats were like, what seems they finished? They like run off and make one. I mean, my cats, well, my cats make my cats are, what they've done. My cats are very vocal. Okay. Well, just a fit. Just a finish. Oh, it's more like when someone yells like mail call and on the base, your cats just like poop here. More in the poop, poop up. Just to finish this read, new cloud control cat litter by Armin Hammer, more power to you. So, should we do some plugs for ourselves?

Yeah, why not? Oh wait, sorry, jumbo trons, we've got some jumbo trons, I forgot. Let's do jumbo trons, Dan. I know you're sick and also you turn into a dog at night. So you kind of forgot the jumbo trons. Let's do the trons. Okay, Jojo jumbo trons.

Did you ever wish there was a movie review podcast that reviewed insane role playing games from history instead of movies? No. Shoot. That's $200 wasted. No? Shoot, that's $200 wasted. Jeff and John examine the oddities of RPG history, and somehow get real personal about it too on System Mastery. They've already reviewed more than 150 different games from the 70s to today, and new episodes come out every two weeks. So check out the System Mastery Podcast on iTunes or Stitcher or just visit System Mastery Podcast.com. If you're like me, a real RPG freak.

This jumbo-tron message is for Holly, the best mom in the world, and it's from Melissa. I hope I'm pronounced that correctly. And the message is, Hi mom, by the time you hear this, you'll be breast cancer-free. To celebrate your recovery, I got you a message from the peaches. I'm so thankful and so blessed to have a mother like you and so happy you're healthy again. Hopefully, Elliot won't sing a letter song

because I know you don't like them even though I do. Love your daughter, Melissa. Well, I feel like now I have to not sing a letter song. It feels like it would be, you know, I don't know guys or should I just go against? What this person likes or doesn't like anyway? It doesn't matter. Oh, you're you're asking our preferences Good point good point. I shouldn't ask Holly. I'm so glad you're healthy too, and that's wonderful. What a nice message I lovely messages. Time for plugs. Yep. We've still got some live shows coming up. Elliott, why don't you tell us about those if you can?

That's right. You we got the day this episode comes out, I believe, will be September 28th, 2019 will be in BUBBABUBBoston or technically BUBBABUBBruckline at WBUR city space. We're doing two shows. The 7 p.m. show Alita, Bobo, Bob Brookline at WBUR City Space for doing two shows. The seven PM show, Alita, Battle Angel, it's sold out. But the 9.45 PM, Godzilla, King of the Monsters, I think we still have some tickets available. So come on down, September 28th, come down tonight if you're listening to this on the day of release.

And here is talk about the King of the Monsters, that's right, Alita, but also Godzilla. On October 12th, a few weeks later, we'll be in Los Angeles at the Regent Theater talking about dark Phoenix. So September 28th, today, trying to come see our Boston Late Show. The early show is sold out. October 12th, Los Angeles, come and see us talk.

And those tickets are available at flopphousepodcast.com slash events. I will say for Boston, we do power points before each show. I will have two new presentations, one for each show. So if you want to see two new ones for Boston that I will probably never do again because they are incredibly Boston specific. Come to both shows. Oh, and Elliot, I know you were worried about this. On the last episode, you said we'll probably be signing before each show.

We haven't confirmed with the venue that that's okay because of the tight schedule, but if it does happen, it will be before each show. Yeah, so just get to give yourself a little bit of time in case we're signing merchandise. We will hopefully have time to do that, but I didn't want to make any promises that I couldn't keep. I didn't want to write any checks. My body couldn't cash. That was that body? I don't think there any checks that couldn't cash, Elliot. Oh, wow. Big checks because it's a very small body. Wow, Dan's really big in his up today. He's talking about my cat magic and your your bod. My body magic, yeah. Did I tell you guys about my new

myself health book body magic? No, what's it about? Well, a lot of us forget that we're not just a person. We're also a body. The inside everybody is magic. Oh, no kidding. So it's all about unlocking the magic inside you. For instance, Dan, what would you tell me? What would you say? Dan, there's magic inside you. What would you say? I would say, get that shit out of me, man. Oh, that's a weird shit. It's like, it's not the reaction I was hoping for from the people that I wanted to sell the book to.

I feel like I'm hoping more of an excitement. Excitement, it's celebration that's managed inside you. I don't know what that is there. Maybe I shouldn't release the book. It knows what it's doing. Let's just move on to the next segment. I've got to talk to the publisher. I think we made a big mistake.

So the next segment is letters from listeners. I mean, you just took a small sample of your target audience and got a negative response. I feel like you can spread that around a little more. I don't know. Well, Stuart, what would you say if I said you have magic inside your body? I go, ah, get it out of me Okay, this is not good so far a hundred percent in my poll said don't want the magic in them. Oh boy So moving on to letters from listeners first letter. We have received Uh-huh is from Tucker last name with held Carlson must die my question for you is

Wait, Tucker no, it's not Carlson must die. My question for you is uh wait. Tucker no it's not Carlson. Tucker Carlson doesn't I mean I would prefer if he was not on television but I would not like to be stabbed on anybody. You're thinking of who's it? Tucker what was that movie? Uh uh John Tucker must dies at it? No I don't think so. That's John dies at the end that I think you're thinking of. Let's just let's just assume that my booz apple brain has messed this one up. And hopefully I got us into legal trouble. I just want to say that Stewart is not in any way.

John, it was John Tucker must die. You're right. Stewart is not in any way advocating the death of somebody he disagrees with politically. I assume. I'm not advocating that. Well, yeah, I'm not advocating that at all. No, I just clearly messed up movie titles. All right. Well, anyway, Tucker last thing withheld. Maybe.

So why wasn't there John Tucker had to die? I don't understand. Yeah, Dan, what happened to him? He was dating three women at the same time, and they all found out. Oh, so you're saying Archie Andrews is just one woman away from having to die? That's true. Yeah. Good day, peaches. My question for you is this, what are the peaches desert island at discs?

In other words, if the flappers got cast-a-waid, which three albums were they hoped to find in a FedEx box washed up on shore? Or if Dan decides that would take you along, which one album would you listen to with an anthropomorphized volleyball and also he has a PS here for Meliittalica Mm-hmm and other battleheads of the house. I mean, I would go to stew first, but I guess both of you I want to recommend a solid thrash record made by Australia's premier weirdos King Gizzard

and the lizard wizard, titled, Infest the Rats. I love any of that rhymes that much. Titled, Infest the Rats nests, half despair over the inevitable environmental calamities to come, half narrative about some earthlings who get exiled to Venus, one whole bunch of catchy thrash tunes. But that's just a side recommendation. Yeah, yeah. I didn't know where recommendation is already.

Well, I mean... Okay, Dan, what are your desert island? Duh-duh-duh-duh, speaks three or die. Abbey Road, my favorite of the Beatles albums, and an nostalgic favorite, because we listened to it in college a lot. Speaking. Yeah, that's when it came out, right? Okay, shut up. I'm not that old. Speaking in tongues by talking heads, it's you know, it hits front to back. A lot of people like a little nerve-ier, earlier stuff, but I feel like this is a kind of a good balance between the

nervy stuff and like the sort of world beat stuff that came later for the funky year stuff. And Fox Confessor brings the flood by Nico Case who started out kind of as an old country person and then just became undefinable and wonderful and weird and she's got such a beautiful voice. I love it. Those are mine. Mm-hmm, Elliot. I think I would wanna have Judas Priest unleashed

in the East, their kind of live album. There's a lot of extra studio stuff added, which has some of my favorite versions, some of their songs. Then I think I'd go to the, hmm, I have a Judas thing on there. I guess I have to have a Jesus thing on there. That's right, the original album of Jesus Christ Superstar, not the Broadway cast album, the original concept album before it was a stage show.

And then I think maybe a recording of the radio series of the Hit Tuckers Guide to the Galaxy, the first one. That sounds great. those all are technically discs. I don't know I probably let's say I'll do those ones loyal by Boltthroar for obvious reasons. I do I don't know awaken the Guardian by Fates Warning once again, because that's a really awesome album of tunes. And then finally, Historia by Def Leopard, an album that's back to back of Banger's baby. It's a lot of a iteration. You must really love it. Oh yeah. All right, well this next letter is from Aaron Lasting with Held. Pardon me.

Who writes? Dearest Peaches, I just came upon some startling news that shook my entire world. While watching a YouTube video, they made a passing joke about a band from Star Wars called The Jizz Whalers. Well, hold on. The band is called Figrin to Anne and the modal nodes and they are Giswailers, yes. Yeah, cool. Yeah, beloved characters such as Max Rebo and Figrin Dan use Gis boxes to partake in Gis.

Have you ever learned something about a movie, whether it be lore choices or even real life facts that change your view on a movie that you enjoy. And also, how do I go on in life knowing this terrible piece of trivia? You're truly Aaron Lasting withheld. Well, with that kind of trivia, you could just like, I don't know, be on a podcast and make references to it because it's a way to say it's a lot. Which is one of the most popular musical styles in the universe, yes.

I don't know. I remember watching, I saw the movie Serenity, not the one for the podcast, but the one based on the Firefly TV show. I saw that in the theater Long before I ever actually watched the TV show. So then going back and watching the TV show made me like the like the movie more Is that that's kind of like a lower choice? It's like I had context for what for the events of the movie and I like the movie more and it made me feel bad when Something bad happened

to happens to one specific character. Okay, that's how you don't spoil something, Dan. Uh, I'm dubious about that fitting into the category that this guy, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, it's time for a new segment called Dan McCoy, Letter Judge. But I'll move on. Well, Letter Judge Dan McCoy allow it, bump, bump, bump, on the stand, the honorable Dan McCoy Letter Judge. But I'll move on. Letter Judge Dan McCoy allow it. Bum bum bum.

On the stand, the honorable Dan McCoy, the guy who chooses the letters and sends them to us too late for us to really think about them much ahead of time. Bum bum bum. The defendant, Stuart Wellington. He's just trying to answer the question. A question that my apologies to the letter writer was not super clear to me. Bum bum bum. Making the noises, bump, bump, bump, making the noises. Elliot Kaelin, a guy who likes to talk and hear himself talk, even though his voice is objectively annoying.

How will Judge Dan McCoy rule? The only way to find out is to listen on Judge Dan McCoy, letter judge. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, out of that out so yeah you're on a yana do you think I answered that question correctly uh I'm gonna have to rule oh why are you making a face do you not like my accent choice well I don't know why you're playing yourself but you add an accent oh cuz I'm a little still a willing to that does you just repeated your name I don't think that was a just no I had a little objection I object that's right it's me Phoenix right the famous fictional character and I'm objecting I hope he's I hope he's representing me I'm gonna have to represent Stewart on this one your honor I object you are clearly biased in

this case instead I'm gonna take this all the way to the highest court in the land literally it's time for marijuana court starring Judge Dan McCoy. Dan, you have to get high for this part. Done. Well, yeah, I'm going to move along because I'm sick and I want to have this terror end. Well, I did not have a great answer for that question anyway. But you, Dan? No, well, I would say that the closest I can think of is when

I learn that something bad happened on set, it will affect my like death proof, for instance, is a movie that a lot of people rank as Quentin Tarantino's worst, but I actually have a lot of fondness for it as like this weird hangout movie that turns into this like deconstruction of a horror movie. But to learn that like Umatherman almost died because of negligence on the set is not great. Especially strange that she almost died on the set of death proofs since she's not in the film.

Oh shit. What am I thinking of? Kill Bill. You think of Kill Bill. Aquanturn, just staring Umather. Because they're car movies. That's why I kill bill a quentern No, just staring oomap But they're car movies, that's why I like associated them ahead No, I understand that I think in a way the idea of him following up a movie where he almost killed an actress due to his negligence

Yeah, thank you for saving me He then makes a movie about a guy with a car where the person could never be injured if he's driving it properly with a car where the person could never be injured if he's driving it properly, then killing people with that car is weird. And then he also puts his, he puts, is it Zoe Bell? Yeah. In grave danger in one of the craziest car

chases in movie history. Yeah. All right, well, then also talks a lot about how we use real stunts, we use real cars. To, it's like he's daring fate It's like a final destination thing where it's like hmm Tony Todd You were too much of a whip to kill who would have been on the set of my last movie will you kill Zoe Bell in this one?

Yeah, all right, so since my brain obviously failed me there. I'm just gonna switch over to help Two toilets on the movie where people actually did and I'm just going to switch over to Twilight's on the movie where people actually did die. And I enjoyed much as a kid because it was on HBO constantly, but then I learned about that. And I'm like, well, maybe I'll just skip to the better segments and ignore the rest of the story. And that also like colors my feelings toward all John Landis. Yeah, very talented comedy director, but yeah, he's obviously not a great person to say the least.

So, yeah, it hurts it whenever I'm, I mean, especially loving old movies as I do. There's everyone has a, like there's, it's hard to find someone who's involved in anything that doesn't have something negative in their background. Even if it's just learning like what a right-wing pro blacklist person, Barbara Stanwick was, or something like that, you know, there are all these actors and actresses and filmmakers

that I see their movies and I'm like delightful. And then I learn behind the scenes like, oh, well, they were on the wrong side of that one. Who, boy? okay? Wow who? Yikes who wow oh boy well Okay, wow gonna have to okay, well forget oh, well, can I okay? So that's all right great. I think I think LA LA broke down you might want to reboot Yep, yeah, he's too hot.

His processor is just, oh, it's way too hot. He's just doing like the background noises from Sublock Tango. All right, enough of this. All right. So the last letter is from Ray LastnameWithHeld, who says, Hello, gentlemen. So I was mindlessly watching the sorcerers of Princess the other night. So the last letter is from Ray last name withheld who says hello gentlemen So I was mindlessly watching the sorcerers apprentice the other night and it came to the scene where Nicholas Cage delivers the line So unless you I thought you I thought you said the sorcerer is a princess and I'm like what a much better movie that would have been

It came to the scene where Nicholas Cage delivers the line. So unless you want him to turn you into a pig who just loves physics, and I thought that was the best line in this whole bad movie, he got me thinking, what's your favorite line or delivery? No Elliott, I'm not referring to a postal scene in a otherwise bad movie. He's got me, he's got me, I love plays on words, except when Dan's tweeting though. Army of darkness is arguably a bad movie. I will argue with you. Only worth watching for the multitude of ash isms. Thanks, Ray. Last name withheld. Was it, uh, was it in that red riding hood movie where Gary Oldman has that line delivery? It's just like, no. That's like somebody's ass if he can touch us so already. He's like, no.

Get your old man also in the professional, when he's like, get me everyone, or whatever the line is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, where he goes full, F-Merry Abraham in it. This is not a bad movie, but for me, in terms of line delivery, one of my favorite line deliveries

that we've referenced on the show before is from remancing the stone where at the end, one of the bad guys goes, Joan Wilder, you and your sister can go! And it's so funny. It's hard because there's so many line deliveries from things where I am like, oh, that was amazing. And then I go back and rewatch the moment. I'm like, oh, it's not that. It's actually not that exciting. There's a, so I don't want to pick one and then go back and look at it again and be like, oh, well that I really built that up in my mind. Yeah. So let's just say you mentioned Nicholas Cagin, Schwarzenegger, apprentice. I want to say whenever Nicholas Cagin's in a bad movie, I love every line that he delivers.

Yeah. Alright, well, that letter may have ended in a whimper, but don't worry, we have one more segment on the show, and that is recommendations of movies that you should watch, probably instead of love on a leash unless you are a bad movie fan, which case why not watch both? Stuart, do you have a recommendation? I do. I'm going to recommend a movie that is, I think just wrapping up, it's limited theatrical run, but it also just popped up on the streaming service shutter. I'm recommending the movie whose English title is Tigers are not afraid. It's a Spanish language movie shot in Mexico, I believe. And it's a bit of a like a dark fairy tale with horror elements about it follows a group of street children who have been orphaned by the drug war and the human trafficking that seems to plague their city.

And the children have like a rich internal fantasy that tries to cover up some of the horrors that they experience. And yeah, it's just a it's a lot of fun. The performances of these children are great. It's scary at times. It's, yeah, it's, I find it to be a really affecting short, little movie.

Check it out if you can. I finally got to see a movie that I'd want to see for a long time, which is Paris's Burning, the documentary from 1990 by a director by Jenny Livingston. That's about the ball scene of the late 80s in New York, kind of underground ball scene that the mostly gay, mostly non-white community would throw on to kind of perform different roles in semi-public, in front public, in front, it, it's public in the community in order to like win different competitions. And as a way of expressing different fantasies

of being part of the larger culture that they had been shut out of. And they do a really good job of like just bringing you into this scene and introducing you to a bunch of the important people in it and also using that as a lens to show you how kind of screwed up the mainstream white straight culture of the 1980s. And I assume today still is. And it's over kind of emphasis on money and fame and fashion and surface at the expense of really understanding people underneath that surface and

the tensions that These that that performers involved in the ball scene have to put up with in being Wanting to be a part of that larger world and yet being shut out of it and trying to recreate it I just thought it was really fantastic and very You know just powerful and brilliant and emotional. And it's one of these movies where I'm like, oh, I should have watched it a long time ago. But I'm glad I'm finally seeing it now. It's on Netflix right now.

That's Paris's Burning. I'm going to recommend a movie from 1942. What? It's directed by Henri George's Cluzot, who is my most favorite movies are Diabolique and Wages of Fear And this is actually his first movie the American title would be the murderer lives at number 21 and If you have the criteria Lassassin habite oh 21 La Sassin habite, oh, 21. Vant, vant, vant, eh-oh, I guess would be the...

There could be nervous as that title would bury the lead in the mystery, but that's okay. Uh, and uh... Or spoil it. If you have the criterion streaming channel, it's available on that. And uh, it is a... There's a serial killer in... I... in Paris and he is baffling the police. He leaves a calling card at all of his murders and a tip leads the inspector on the case

to realize where the killer lives but not who the killer is because it's a boarding house. And so he moves in there to try try undercover to try and figure it out. And also his his opera singer girlfriend wants to figure it out as well to get publicity for herself. And it's kind of a combination of a thriller and an agatha Christie sort of chamber mystery, but it's also very, very funny. It's like, it's got a light touch, and Cluzzo's sort of, he's looked, people call him the French Hitchcock, and that is very accurate while also being reductive

because he's such a great director on his own. But if you like kind of the lighter, zippier Hitchcock thrillers, this is in that vein, And it's only 84 minutes. So why don't check it out. That's my recommendation. Three movies. Dan McCoy. It's a great government.

There. We did it guys. We recommended three movies. And now having fulfilled our compact with you, the listener, we prepared a sign off by saying, why don't check out the the other great podcast over at MaximumFun.org. Uh huh. It's a great network. Got a lot of great shows.

There's like 30 something shows now on the network. That's some shows. They made a TV show about the network called 30 something. Uh huh. And tweet about us, review us on iTunes, grab people in the streets and force them to listen to us. Probably don't do that last one.

Yeah, come to our live shows. If you are a Max Fun donor, you can expect in the coming weeks a new installment of our flop tails bonus content where I make these dudes play and our friends you've been playing role playing games with me. And thanks again to Jordan who does most of the engineering and editing for the show these days. Jordan Collin. Yep.

She has the last name. Well, I, you know, I, okay. I never know how much people like want to be revealed on a thing or not. I guess I could ask her. I mean, and you can put it out there and then a thing or not. I guess I could ask her. I mean, and you can put it out there and then she can just edit it out. That's true.

Jordan, you're in control. I've been working with Jordan on another donor's special thing with John Hodgman. We've been working on a podcast called iPoddeus in which John Hodgman and I are watching and reviewing the party. Yeah, we're using the party together. We were in touch with each other while we're doing it. We're reviewing each episode of Iclaudious, and that should be available sometime in the fall, I guess. It's fall now.

So, sometime later in the fall, then, maybe the winter. Yeah, this has been fun, guys. Thanks for doing the show. OK, well, so many been fun guys. Thanks for doing the show. Okay, well, so many episodes in, we still don't know how to end it, so I'm just gonna say- I'm a high note. Uh, thanks for listening for the flop-out, so I've been Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm Stuart Willington. And hey, it's Elliot, Kaelin, saying, hey everybody, go out there and rediscover the magic

inside you. No, get out of me! Hey everybody go out there and rediscover the magic inside you You like Shakespeare except for the quality yeah, and they claim okay But he's also, so you're also not like Shakespeare in that way. Do we got any more? Let's turn it to the audience. Is there any ways that Dan is not like Shakespeare? Right into how Dan is not like Shakespeare, care of the flop house, one, two, three, fake street, America, New York, USA, 1-0-0-9, USA, up all night.