The Flop House - Ep. #295 - The Nun

Episode Date: October 12, 2019

We dip our toe into Shocktober by discussing one of the million court-mandated "The Conjuring" spin-offs, The Nun. Meanwhile Dan prefers that all demon-fighting talk be kept to work hours, Elliott takes down New Age music, and Stuart demands that you stop preaching at him. Wikipedia synopsis of The Nun Movies recommended in this episode: Child's Play Velvet Buzzsaw Emitai LIVE SHOW DATES 2019! October 12 (THAT'S TODAY, JERKS!) – LOS ANGELES – The Regent Theater

On this episode of the Flap House, we discuss... THE NONE! Boo Spooky! Hey everyone and welcome to the flow pose. My name is Dan McCoy. Dan, wait Dan, why are you so operatic today? Oh, I was trying for, uh, ghoulishness and, uh, and, and tingles up the spine. Oh, I guess your voice is just too beautiful because all I felt was that you were a beautiful basso profundo.

Hey, Dan, pretty profound. Dan, do you want to introduce yourself again so I like and step on it? Okay, I'm Dan McCoy. Oh, oh, wow. Dan, do you want to introduce yourself again so I like and step on it? Okay, I'm Dan McCoy Oh, wow, okay, you got through it. I'm Stuart Welley done. I'm Elliott K Lynn doesn't know it didn't work for me either I couldn't get spooky there She should say that Elliott kill him and then maybe last time I did that Dan. I was thrown in jail for being too cool. Oh my God.

So the judge at KidsCourt's pretty rough nowadays. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a hanging judge. Oh wow. That makes sense. I mean, it's all on the payroll. We call this thing we're doing the flop house. We call it that.

Other people also call it that because that's its name. The flop house where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it and the reason for the season yeah wearing the the the most blessed season shocktober where we used to say we watch slightly more horror movies than normal now they've pretty much all been corralled the shocktober we don't actually usually watch it. I come I come, DVD in hand and I say, please Dan, I know it's June, but can we maybe call it June, scary June or something? Not your horror movie.

And I pull out my cat and eye tails and I say, string him up against the main mass. Oh wow. I'm an Los Angeles, so I'm not witness to any of this, so I'm just going to take it at your guys word. This is what happens. No love, but I'm not around there anymore. Can the sailors who wit me be skeletons or ghost sailors? I say only half skeletons. Oh wow.

Wait, so like skeletons from the waist down, what does that mean? No, no, no, no, no, no, the ultimate thing is either half of them are humans and half of the broskeleton. She can choose whichever you prefer. So like you make the go. You make the go. You can just lay down the middle. Yeah. No, you want, I think that's the thing is I've been reading a lot of you know romantic advice columns and magazines and I've come to determine that the perfect man is a skeleton on the upper half

and the bottom half is all fleshy with a fleshy weeder instead of skeleton in the streets. A weeder in the sheets. So why a skeleton on the top? That's, I don't know that much. I just know that, like I only know the results. I don't know what led us to that point. Yeah, well, what is the, I can see is about the results.

Guessing, uh, it has something to do with hair? I don't know we'll get to it. Okay the musical Dan stop bringing up the fact that you're in a college production of hair. We know you brought up many I lit up the stage. Okay so this can all go in the fire. So okay, so on this podcast, so on this podcast, we watch a bad movie then we talk about it. Dan's right in the or or maybe storage right in the olden days it feels like he used to watch more horror movies back when we diselected our movie The Day of at Dan's apartment based on the running time because we were because we'd start watching around eight and start recording the show around 1030. And we would often decide if we were going to even do the podcast, basically

the day of her day before. Yeah. It was it was a number of years before we started scheduling ahead. You know, back of the old days of podcasting, that kind of erratic nonsense was much more tolerated. You know, like the early days of Saturday night live when people were running through the Halls doing cocaine or whatever. Unlike the current current era where all the sketches are bad and nobody Well, everybody I guess everybody pays attention to it now. I don't put it now Wow, well, okay hot take on Saturday night live anyway, but so shocked over this is when we watch horror movies right Dan now Dan How would you define a horror movie and then Stuart? I want to know how

would you define it? Wow. Oh, okay. A horror movie is one that is meant to elicit in the simplest terms horror in the viewer. Whether that be sort of a a jump scare type horror, like a startlement, or a sort of an existential dread. Wow, what do you say, Stu? I would say it has to have one or more killings. Okay. So.

Okay. One plus killings. Right. So, yeah, so I think we have it hammered out. Elliot, does this match up with your notes? Does that mean so would that so clue would technically be a horror movie? Elliot, I didn't agree to more than one question. Sorry.

I forgot. I said no follow-ups. Yes, Stuart is standing in front of the loud turbines of Air Force One. Only one and I answered it accurately, so let's move on. So yeah, so we watched a movie. Now, normally on the show we watch a bad movie, a movie that either was either a critical flop or a critical flop or a financial flop.

And this, I guess, qualifies as a critical flop because it was not a financial flop. No, it made a shitload of money. It was like the highest grossing movie of the conjuring franchise, a juggernaut of okay horror movie. This. Now, I'm super unfamiliar with the conjuring franchise. So you guys are gonna have to help me with what easter eggs are in there for the dedicated viewer.

I mean, can I quickly like outline the Yeah, take it to the country. So who to somebody conge Well, somebody conjures something. No, I know that much. Not really. So the conjuring. I don't remember. look, see, I saw the conjuring. Uh-huh, yep. It was- Okay, let's start at first principles. First principles. You saw the conjuring.

I saw it. It had been getting very good reviews as kind of a return to a classic haunted house movie with sort of a few like slow burn scares. Can you love any kind of burn? Slow burn, David Burn. You went to see David burn show. I did see. It was excellent.

We should probably talk about that off air, but, okay. Oh wow, it doesn't want his opinions to get out. No, well, I, everyone knows I love David burn, but I'm just trying to keep this train rolling. No, but like I saw it, in the worst way to see a horror movie, which is a drive-in theater.

Now, you might think, oh, that's the best way, because it's such a creepy atmosphere, but so many horror movies are shot so darkly, and at a drive-in, you've got a lot of, you know, ambient light that's going on the screen, and the projectioners usually does not pump up the light bulb in the projector to compensate. So, I was seeing a whole bunch of mud on screen,

basically when I was watching the country. Plus you had to deal with the worst part of that, being with some babe who wanted to do it with you. When you're just trying to watch this movie, you know? Yeah, but it's been- Were you like sitting on a roof, sucking on a chili dog? Roof of a car, not roof of a house.

That would be monster squad. Yeah, no, no, I, so all I know is, so Dan, so what do you know about the country? The country is about paranormal investigators. We heard your story, you heard your screen against driving theaters. You didn't really tell us much about the country. So it's about paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren who are real people. There are a couple real real frauds. Yeah, the couple of real frauds. I don't know whether it's there that that their actual name

or did it get changed movie. That was the only thing I think it's I think it's real. I mean weirdly enough. The Twitter Twitter account 41 Strange that posts like weird photos of stuff posted a picture of Lorraine Warren holding the original Annabelle doll, which is just a raggedy and doll yesterday. Oh, so yeah, I guess it's a plug for my Twitter, Twitter feed. Basically, they're basically their paranormal investigators and, um, once again, let's clarify

their frauds. Yeah, in the world of the movie. In the world of the conge, now I love this new character of Stuart Fact Checker where every movie is like, so in Godzilla King of the Monsters, it's towards like, let's just be clear, not a real monster made up.

Yeah, but I mean, this is a, I mean, I feel like it's a little different when we're talking about real life people who I'm assuming heard a lot of people by being frauds. Yeah, were they the Amityville Horror People? Yes. They are the, and I believe that the Amityville story is retold in the country. Two is that correct? I think, yeah, I've actually only seen the first one and it's fine.

I believe the second one they're investigating some sort of electric boogelloo. Okay, or a secret of the use, right? Those are the two options. I believe the second one they're investigating some sort of electric Boogelloo. Or a secret of the use, right? Those are the two options. The whole point though. It might have been a new batch. Well, well, we'll have to find out.

The point of all this is to say, though, that they were on the move. Yeah, but this is all to say that. That can happen. I mean, in a way, they kind of are, right? That's good for the nun. That's perfect. No, but the point of all this is, you don't actually need to know any of it.

Because this movie only ties in to those characters at the very end, spoiler alert. And you don't need any foreknowledge to know the nun. The nun is a character that showed up in one of the other conjuring movies. Part two, I think. Yeah. And this is the origin story for that villain.

It's weird, it's kind of the origin story, but it's also kind of not the origin story. So why don't we dive into the nun? And before anyone, you remember, this is the one from the Conjuring series. It's not one of the many other horror movies called The Nun. It's not The Nun's story, the movie from the 1960s, 50s. Thanks for asking.

I don't know. I'll leave it. So the movie starts, well, it starts with like a bunch of scenes from one of the other country movies. They're just kind of thrown on screen real fast and montage. But for the most part, we're in, it's 1952. That's right, everybody. 1952, Eisenhower's about to be elected president.

Everybody is doing the Lindy hopped and people can't get enough of chili fries. But is that, that's all facts based on Romania in 1952? Oh, that's right, we're in Romania. We're in Romania. And I have to say that because I did not know anything about the nun walking into it, I assumed that like the rest of the Conjuring universe,

it would be taking place in the 70s. So for a long time, I made a big spread of food for the 70s. Yeah. There's all devil eggs, yeah. Some polyester bell bottoms. And no, I do. Yeah. No, the whole point that what I'm saying

is for the longest time, I thought we were in a flashback. I thought they were going to flash forward. I mean time i thought we were in a flashback i thought they were gonna flash forward technically we are in a flashback dance since the movie and opens with the with the legend on the screen nineteen fifty two and that's not this year no i know i it is kind of a flashback i get and i understand how you miss that moment where they identified the year the movie okay

when romania there's this abby in romania it's haunted by an evil spirit that needs a human host, and it gets loose and the nun kills herself rather than host it. And I think that's just being a bad hostess. Have you ever had people coming to your house and you kill yourself rather than show them a good time? I would say that's a party foul, you guys think. Well, I mean, I'm very...

It's foul upon me. I'm very, I'm very conflicted verse. So I can see that being like a possible option for me, rather than causing a fuss, then just be like, I'm gonna opt out of the situation. Sure. Of course, I, I know I want to make fun of suicide, but it's, it's the movie happens. It's like the movie, it's like the movie was like, here's the star of your movie. Psych, this character's not important anymore.

Yeah, and I mean, I guess they're trying to point out that like the evil of the nun is so terrifying that a nun would commit a mortal sin by taking her own life, right? Yes, she would rather go to hell for ending her life then be the hostess for this thing. as God says in the Bible the ultimate party fell We go to Vatican City where father Burke we meet he's a priest detective who investigates miracles and exercises and things like that played by Dave Michelle. Yeah, he's a real hunk

He's not even and then there's a double hunk in this movie because there's another handsome guy shows up and we also are you talking about Michael smiley playing a evil like Catholic breeze guy? Oh no, that's not what I was talking about. I was going to say because I mean Michael smiley's a lot of things, but I don't know if I would definitely call him a hunk. Well, maybe technically. You know what tech I think it falls into the technical definition of at least one ab. So Father Burke, he's gonna be, he's gonna investigate this surprising incident at the abbey and he's gonna be teamed up with sister Irene, a young novice yet she hasn't yet taken her vows

as a nun yet, but we've met her, she's the kind of young nun who questions things. She doesn't just take the immediate orthodoxy, she even tells one of her orphans, students, I'm not sure that some of the things in the Bible aren't literally true. Now, Dan, I know you're kind of an evangelical. How did you feel about that?

I am not. Although I grew up Christian, it was a very sort of liberal sect. It's not a sect. I don't know. So when Dan, so I know you grew up, you get to Catholic school, right? uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, but that's about all I know. Or were you seeing him like flying around, right? Yeah. Isn't there a flying nun? Or, you know, the nonsense that you get into is such crazy nonsense.

But I also want to say, I don't think you said that the no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Tessa for me who's the sister to Vera for me who is one of the stars of the Conjuring series. It's they're keeping it in the family. Yeah. It's a real family affair. Do you have more? All in the family. Yeah. I get it. We're seeing their family ties. And their family matters. Now can we all families are made of matter. Okay. What is a positive and some sort of anti matter family. That would be where Siouxon or Cal was the neighbor. That's that's family anti matters. Dan what would it if the family family matters and the family from family anti matters met. Would they explain to each other? Yes, that, yeah, that's what movie physics have told me at least. Like in Time Cop.

Yeah, we have, so it's a real Time Cop type scenario. So anyway, Time Cop is going to investigate this mystery, just kidding. It's Father Berkins' history of our reign. So they go to Romania, it's this backwards local village, the locals, they never speak of the Abbey. It is classic movie spooky stuff. Yeah. Nobody even of the Abbey. It is classic movie spooky stuff. Nobody even sees the nuns. Their supplies are delivered by one man, a French Canadian that they call French. I don't remember what his character name was or the actor.

And he's never even seen the nuns. He just leaves their goods by the back door. But he's the one who found this nun's body and buried it. He explains that the Abbey was hit by a bomb during a bombing raid in World War II, which ended seven years previously, but nobody's talked to any of the nuns in the years, and when they go there, he shows them that on the body there was a weird key of some kind. Ooh, because it can't spell spooky without key. That's right, and he or spook. I mean, we'll get to you.

Okay, good point. Or spook. I mean, we'll get, we'll get to, okay, good point, or spoo. Well, I mean, we'll probably really dig into this character, friendship later, but I think it speaks to kind of his values that he didn't just steal that key, you know, he left it with the body. Yeah, yeah. And he, but then did they bury the body together? He already buried it. He did not bury it. He stuffed it in the like ice ice house. He put it in the pot and preserve it to keep it for later in case he has to eat it. I guess

he saw the body lying there on the steps and blood everywhere and then he's like, we got to put this on ice and then he put sunglasses on and then the guitar star of life. It was some kind of knock off who song was called who is you? Who goes there? Actually, it would be pretty funny if he put on sunglasses then who can it be now? We started playing. They're like this is what we could afford. I'm sorry, it's the none.

Then we enter what is the theme of the movie which is wandering around spooky hallways Quietly waiting for things to happen because they go into the spooky abbey and they find the crypt and there's a shrouded Abyss there. You don't see her face. She's pretty spooky creepy and she's got a creepy high pitched, you know old lady voice And she tells them to come back in the morning after they take their nightly valve of silence But Burke and Irene are like yeah, but I guess we're just gonna stay here for the night. Yeah, it's a pretty interesting move where it's like, we'll answer your questions in the morning if you stay the night here.

And they're like, wow, I didn't realize I was hazing for a fraternity, but. Yeah. Maybe they just stop. They're also inherit your uncle's $10 million. And like, I can't remember if the ABS is doing this, but I feel like there's a lot of like the ABS has like a shroud over her face and she'll like turn her head fast and will hear like a crazy cracking sound and you're like, oh, are you okay?

Yes, is she getting ready to fight Jean-Claude Van Dam? What's up? So the net cracking. So here's the thing, Stewart, and maybe you can shed some light on this. This is when I started wondering was this movie written by some people playing a role-playing game? Because it's like you meet the spooky Abyss. She tells you to come back in the morning. So are you guys gonna go back to the village or do you want to spend the night at the spooky Abbie? Like that's what it feels like to me. I feel like based on my experiences running role-playing games that scene would have gone like this

You meet a spooky abyss. She tells you that the players are like, okay, well, I try and pull the pull the veil off and I'm like, no Like no, I'm gonna roll the dude. I'm like, no, stop the amus sleds your hand away Just do what you want So so they're acting the way you wish that the players in your roleplay games. Yeah, yeah, where they're like, oh, okay. And then and then French, I play roleplay games, right? And then French, he's like, I'm, I guess I'm just gonna go home. Let me, uh, follow this detour into the fog machine filled cemetery. Uh, this Abbey Road. Yeah. Oh, are you super mad? Oh, Dan.

I mean, I've been working on a deer Abby thing for a while that I just haven't been able to crack. Do you guys have any help? Or listeners, right? What's the deer Abby joke I should have made in the first half of this program? I mean, it would have been weird because it's a human Abby.

Deer are animals that don't have religion. Okay. I mean, technically the Abby is not human the Abby is a is a building No, it's housing these people I miss my the organization the Abyss runs the Abby and the Abbott is Lucostello's I mean a partner in a number of Tom Foulery Filled yeah movies filled movies, papers, some of them, some of them are them just kind of like getting into trouble, some of them of monsters, but you might say, hey, yeah, but,

to find out some answers, if you want to find where the habit is, but again, there's no habit in this movie, it's just an abyss. Yeah, so speaking of monsters, there's this great bit where, well, where Princhies are walking around the cemetery, and then there's like, there's this like, spooky nun walking around with, and then there's like there's this like spooky none walking around with It looks exactly like the none who he found hanging she's walking around with the news and then

Like what this happens a lot in the movie where the character will walk around Maybe he'll see something spooky and then we'll see it from his perspective and then the camera will turn to the left and then Turn to the right and then back to where the monster was before and then it's gone There's this zombie none corpse and it seems like the demons big plan is always to like attack them and then stop right before it kills them Yeah, I will like the one it's it's it's monster movie logic where it's like the monster scary a And time back to your corners everybody we can't kill them yet because the movie has to keep going but good work monster good work take some

orange slices take a lap then let's come back and you'll attack again in like 15 minutes. Literally the only the only credit I gave this movie while watching it was about the first jump scare. Spaced on the conjuring series. What? Yes. That was the credit that you gave to it. Now, the, like, was that the fact of the first, like, like, real jump scare in the, like, the

meat of the movie is, like, legs coming down from the top of the screen. Oh, yeah. I'm like, oh, well, you know what? I mean, usually in these things, at least the thing jumps from the side of the screen. So I was slightly surprised. It is more likely that he's not going to notice it early if it's coming down from above. Yeah. Since a lot of times with jump scares, it relies on people having the same type of visual field as cameras, which means no peripheral vision whatsoever. Now, this, this scene is kind, not, not particularly scary. And it doesn't really have stakes because, as we said before, the

monster doesn't really make that much effort to kill anybody. It just is trying to scare him. But the reason why this scene is important in the movie is because after the zombie-none disappears and Frenchies like, oh man, I guess it was all just in my head, he rips a giant cross grave marker out of the ground, and he's like, just gonna take this with me. And he just carries it around with him for a lifetime. Yeah, it's pretty great.

I was like, I hope he's gonna stab something with it, but he doesn't, don't worry about it. He does not know. It's not Chekov's torn out of the ground grave marker. Which would have been used to stab somebody, or at least mark another grave. So Irene tells Birkette that she became a nun because she used to see visions of the Virgin Mary And Mary would tell her that Mary would point the way and Birk is like, oh, that's interesting

Well anyway, I once performed an exorcism on a boy and he died So that's our traumas glad we had this trauma sharing moment and the I like I'll they get a pretty good radio signal on their little radio and they're in their little side room, right? Yeah, well the radio wakes up Burke in the middle of the night because it's playing spooky jazz music Yeah, like big band music and I love there's he like points his flashlight at it and it stops immediately and it's like a cartoon Looney tunes radio that's like oh, sorry Like I wanted them to do more that where he would move them the flash light away and the radio would start and then he put the flashlight on the radio and stop again, like Michigan J

frog type scenario. They don't go that far with it. Just to jump back a second, I would love it if jump back and kiss yourself. No, uh, he deserve it, Dan. Dan, you should love yourself. Yeah, that's fine. And if no one's, if you don't love yourself, no one else is going

to love you. I can love lovely. That's fine. And if you don't love yourself, no one else is gonna love you. I can love myself without wanting to literally kiss myself. Okay, Dan, that's what I want to talk about too. You've been loving yourself if you know what I mean. It looks too much lately. There's no, sorry. And the neighbors have been complaining

that you're getting a little loud with it. Yeah, all right, well thank you for the notes. But what I wanted to say was, this has been Ellie, Kaelin, masturbation coach. Earlier, you're talking about them like trading their traumas. And I think it would be really funny if like after him talking about failing to properly exorcise that boy or having a bad experience rather with it, the, the, the, not to be like, uh, can't we like not talk about work after work? Yeah. It's like not on the clock. Funny.

Uh, here's the thing about extrism, guys. I've never been in one, obviously, because I'm not Catholic and also they're not real, because demons are not real. But here's the thing, it seems like the job of an extra is mainly just to yell Jesus his name at a kid until the kid behaves. So you're saying you should be able to DIY this? Kind of, yeah. Because it's always like, and then the demon gets really mad and starts blowing wind all

over the place and like, it's like base kitball. He's just doing things to try to distract the breeze. But he never seems to really hurt them. So it's like to exercise someone, you just kind of have to stand there and just keep your ground and keep yelling. Indomity, patros, things like that. It seems like you could just print out the prayers off of the internet

and exercise someone yourself. Now, Dan, again, we mentioned you grew up in this world of exorcisms and demonology. I mean, Catholicism and Protestants are very different, actually. Now, Dan, again, we mentioned you grew up in this world of exorcisms and demonology. I mean, Catholics and Protestants are very different, actually. Oh, there's some information about Martin Luther and some Theses that I can forward to you.

Wait, some Theses. Yes. But Stuart, do you think you'd be ready to handle an exorcism? I mean, you've seen enough movies. Yeah, I mean, why not? I mean yeah yeah I mean why not I mean haha what is it if it's a job offer yeah I mean

you're gonna pay how many like are we talking one demon to off to charge more if it's if it's like Legion right that's the thing I started vomiting up flies and just the other day. That's not eating so many flies, that's the first thing. No, that's what I first thought. I was like, why am I eating too many flies?

But the flies were still alive and then like bees started coming out and I'm eating bees. Yeah, you would have remembered of your order, those at sweet greens or whatever. Instead of getting usually just my sweet greens, fly kale, Caesar salad. And so that started happening. And then I started hearing these voices telling me to do unpartenable, unforgivable things. And they said that they were legion. And so how much would you charge to get that out of my body? Because so far it hasn't been dangerous, but it's been annoying.

So wait, you're saying you're being annoying? Wait, say this again. Give me your symptoms. Give me your symptoms. You're saying you're being annoying. Wait, say this again. Give me your symptoms. Keep it saying I'm being too annoying and they want you to get them out of my body so that I don't irritate them anymore. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Because the demons were like, we are Legion. We control you now. And I was like, uh-oh, looks like Legion is here. Uh-oh, everybody better stay clear, because it's Legion. And they started just rolling their their thousand dies. Yeah.

And I was like, what am I bothering you guys? They're like, no, it's fine. It's fine. Whatever. Let's just keep going. But yeah, they want to get out. So they were saying they'd pay you well. Oh, wow.

I mean, I guess the price has at least double, right? I don't know. What a... I mean, it really feels like you should be negotiating with them, not with me. I mean, I guess they'll have to they'll'll have to set it up through my task rabbit app. And, okay. Okay. I wonder if there are people on task rabbit who will do exorcisms.

Yeah, they'll move like a move some furniture for you or do an exorcism. Or I guess go to seven, is seven eleven a thing? Can you go to seven eleven on a task rabbit? I think that's probably a thing. Dan is seven eleven a thing. Are you texting somebody about that? Sorry. I was a no, my girlfriend had trouble doing something.

So it's text or sorry, my girlfriend. Oh, thank you. Oh, good. Thanks for making a relevant discussion, Dan. Sorry, I apologize. No, I'm glad that's going on right now. It turns out what she's having trouble with is getting a mummy to go back to the afterlife.

So it really would fit into what we're doing. But okay, so meanwhile, so Burke, I've got to follow this radio signal. It leads him to the dead boy that he exercised years ago. That dead boy jumps out, a big snake comes out of his mouth and Burke is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, and falls backwards into a coffin and suddenly he's buried alive. Now, Dan, this, this, this boy, this apparition of a boy that he failed to exercise a demon

from, the boy's name is Daniel. So when the priest gets saying Daniel over and over, were you like extra scared or were you just looking around? Did you think they had personalized the movie for you? Like those books you get for kids and everyone who watched it their name was said? Well, no, it was kind of like, you know, the cat hears his or her name. Like I just kind of cocked my head every time it happened

because I was like, what does someone need me? You know, am I needed for something? But like I didn't take me out of the movie guys. Okay, so you weren't like screaming at the screen. I'm right here Tell me what you need So yeah, he's down in the hole. He's the man of the box just like in the wire theme song. He's down in the hole Wait, so he's he's Eric. He's a Rob Brydon's man in a box. I mean, I was once again Those are both references to Alice and Shane song so I don, I was once again, those were both references to Alice in Chain Song.

So I don't know. I was doing some like nerdy comedy bullshit. I was doing like cool guy rock and roll shit. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, he's down in that box. And then at this point, Sister Irene has like a spooky dream of a bunch of nuns and evil nuns.

That sounds like this movie, right? The movie is kind of like when in doubt throw a bunch of nuns and evil nun. That sounds like this movie, right? Yeah. It's the movie is kind of like when in doubt, throw a bunch of nuns on the screen. And one of them is probably going to be evil. The movie is like, look, one in every 12 nuns is probably evil. So if we get a ton of nuns on the screen, and that should be a movie right there,

tons of nuns. But yeah, she has this bad dream. She wakes up and sees a ghost nun, a mirror explodes out at her. The mirror budget for this abbey must be crazy. And meanwhile, Father Burke, he happens luckily to be in one of those coffins that's rigged up with a bell in case he gets buried alive. So he's ringing that bell. Look, if that coffin said, you can ring my bell. Ring my bell. He would say, yes, please, because I'm buried alive. Is that song about being buried alive, Dan? You're

the pop music fan. I have a counter question for you, Elliott. So do you think a question about my counters? They're kind of like a four-micah quartz, I guess. Do you think that an adby of the time would have a bunch of mirrors or do you think that would encourage the send-of vanity? Good question. It's a good question because what do you need that mirror for? You're not fixing your hair because it's covered with a wimple. And as we all know, that's the way the world ends. That's the wimple. That's the way.

And you're not putting on makeup unless it's that one scene in black narcissists, which is chilling. Oh, what a good movie. Maybe I'll recommend that later. And yeah, I don't know if you'd need that mirror, but maybe you need the mirror to like, make sure there's not any food on your face or something

because that'd be pretty disrespectful to God if you're doing vespers or something and you got food all over your face. So I would say they would have one regulation-size mirror and they would only use it after meals. Yeah, it would also be, I feel like it would also be good for Dracula avoidance, right? Oh, quite the opposite.

He's not going to show up in it. No, but I mean, that's how you would like figure it out, right? Is he'd like... Oh, oh, yeah, maybe. Oh, and also, like, if someone dies and you're not sure if they're dead or not, you put that mirror under their nose to catch the breath. Oh, right. That's a huge mirror.

That's a huge mirror. You'd need like six people to carry it around at least. But if like the BFG died and you weren't sure, that's the kind of mirror you would use. Sure, the BF. Friendly giant. I mean, you're also not gonna have one of those big ceiling sex mirrors, so that's out too.

Wait, okay, you sure. So what you're saying you would use this giant mirror for a sex mirror on the side? No, I'm just saying that's another type of mirror you wouldn't have. But what, yeah, you wouldn't have that in an amy, right? That's my point. I mean, or even you wouldn't have that in an amy, right? That's my point.

I mean, or even in most homes, or most buildings of any kind. So, Dan, how, what is the territory that your sex is taking you on that you need that big a mirror on the ceiling? I, well, I mean, you know, as big as the bed. I'm not saying that the whole room needs to be mirrored up to it. Oh, I thought, just in case like you ended up on the other side of the room somehow. Yeah, like a ghost dropped me there or something. Wait, what is going on in your love life, Dan?

Oh, I don't want to talk about it. I guess you did mention they have a ghoul friend, so maybe ghost's are involved. Okay, so Birx ring in that bell and father Irene hears him and she digs him out. Uh huh. And they find that the coffin, and in the coffin there's like a nun that attacks him. In the coffin they find some spooky old books. And I was like, finally, a movie for me, a movie where the characters are gonna go look

at books for a while. Yeah, around this point I'm like, man, whoever's maintaining the grounds here, is doing a pretty good job. This lawn is pretty freshly shorn. Whoever's manning that smoke machine, make sure it's constantly pumping out tons of fog. And there's always a shovel nearby when you need it to dig someone out of a coffin. And like, is where they trying to do a bit with like the like that there were multiple bells around the around the cemetery

And she wasn't quite sure which one was going to be the right ringing one like I'm not sure I think maybe one of the nuns was playing tubular bells on the pure moods Seeding yeah, and so it's just can't use it wrong it's tubular bells I forgot the Ninja Turtles produced the compilation album of atmospheric new wave tunes featuring of course the X-Files theme remix by DJ Dito. You don't really hear much about New Wave anymore. Or not New Wave. It's not New Age.

New Wave is the post punk thing. I mean, you don't hear too much about that either unless you're dead. Well, no, that's live in this kind of idealized world of the night of nineteen eighties culture new wave is very influential on current rock music and new age is very influential on the presidential run of a marion williamson right will fair enough uh... as an answer counselor move on i think the irons that most of the people who are interested in new age are now of old age new age are now of old age. Oh shit. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man.

Somebody get out of fire extinguisher. You're going to have to because as as our French Canadian friend French he learns, there's a lot of misfortune in the town and everyone blames the Abbey. It turns out they're probably right and he thinks our heroes are in danger. The next morning, sister Irene is talking to this nun, and meanwhile Burke is doing the smartest thing you can do with old books about demons, reading aloud from them in a crypt. It was really weird for me,

because when this scene opened up, like the last we saw of Burke and Sister Irene, they were like, oh man, maybe there's some information in these books, and then it cuts to Frenchie in a pub in the town and everybody's sad. And then he sees a shotgun and he's like, okay, I know what I have to do. And then it cuts to the next morning with them in different outfits. And the lighting's a little different.

And for some reason, watching it, I'm like, is this a dream? Are they reading this in the book? Obviously, it isn't, but there was something very strange about it for me Well, it also the strange part for me is that and this happens a lot in movies is that it's like ooh something crazy happened to us Well time to hit the hay and then the next day are they like showering and getting dressed and they're like oh I can't wait to find out about that crazy thing. Well, let's have a breakfast first. Uh, I'll have the uh, oh full farmers breakfast It should be called a breakfast first. I'll have the, ooh, full farmer's breakfast. It should be called a breakfast.

It should be called a breakfast. The breakfast, right? You mispoken said, breakfast. And you know what? I think that makes a lot of sense. It's a better name. Well, it is the first wreck of the day. That's the thing.

It is not a better name because there's this thing is, it is a wreck. There is however, break the that it's corrupted from. Brecht was referring to the character Brecht from Anne Leckys and Salary series of novels, but there's also Brecht or Morant, which is a great movie. And you're Brecht. And Brecht, they're having Brecht first and they're like, so that spooky stuff last night was that real? And Father Brooke is like, I thought it was a dream.

Like, did you say Father Brooke? Father Brooke. Father Brooke, Bertolt Breck, that's what I'm talking about. Oh, wow. So there's a lot of distancing techniques being used here. Yeah. So guys, anyway, they find out. So Father Breck's just reading about Valek,

the demon inventor of the value pack, out loud. And I thought he was gonna like raise some spirits or something, but that didn't happen. But Sister Irene, she's talking to this other nun and the other nuns like, oh yeah, yes, so anyway, the Abbey was built by an evil Duke and he made a gateway for a demon. And the Catholic Church came and sealed it up

with the blood of Christ and then some bombs opened up the gateway. So anyway, that's what's going on. And it's like gateway for a demon. And the Catholic church came and sealed it up with the blood of Christ, and then some bombs opened up the gateway. So anyway, that's what's going on. And it's like, wait a minute. Was this like, was this one? If she's gonna just lay it out that easily, then why didn't they find that out earlier? But also, as a viewer, I was like, I figured that was basically the story,

but like, it feels kinda like the whole experience has been cheapened by them. It's like, like, the, not having the chase or the Seduction if you will in a love affair. It's like oh this feels vulgar to me vulgar and thin. What do you Did you guys feel the same way? What the there's just an info dump explaining all the problems She's like anyways, so now that they have demon roams the Abbey as a nun so watch out for any weird nuns You might see yeah, so if you walk into a room

There's a bunch of bodies that have their head shrouded, hanging upside down and their blood is pooling into a gateway. Maybe walk out. Yeah, if there's a nun, if there's a nun running after you run away, if there's nuns on the run, that's just Eric Idol and Robbie Coltrance. So you don't need to worry about that. And then you're in for some good old-fashioned joke-a-mups. Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't say fun, but you know, a little run.

I think that would be stretching the definition of fun to include nuns on the run and that. Yeah, it's not very fun. And if you're on a secret World War II mission, it's the nuns of never-own. Oh, yeah. So anyway, guys, but I was just surprising, but I think that priest might turn out to be a ghost later on

or what, is that what happens? I was so unclear about how many nuns were actually in this abbey at any given point. Waiter, are you asking if all the nuns that sister Irene interacts with are ghosts? Are they all ghosts? Yeah, they're all ghosts. She's the only person who interacts with any of them.

The only, the other characters only interact with nuns as like zombie monsters. Oh, I didn't know that. Except for that. Yeah, so this is the only one who interacts with any of them by like talking. So she's the company Abbas. Who is very clearly some kind of a monster. Yeah, since she's shrouded in making creaking noises with her neck and sits on a throne in a crypt for some reason.

So she sees dead people is what you're saying. Yeah, I mean, that's just the way that that's the way that Valek, the evil demon monster, is, yeah, is the snake master, I think he's called. That's how he has chosen to bedevil her I think, is by using nuns as she has not taken her vows yet. I think they are still kind of an authority figure or a symbol of her future maybe. It gives her a real inferiority complex

because it's like when you're a teen and you haven't done it yet and all your friends have and they're talking about it all the time and you're like, yeah sure, okay, yeah Actually, I was probably like, uh, why are you bothering me with this? I would very much like to talk to you about how the X-Men bear distinct similarities to Greek heroes of your Actually, I would love to have the conversation to be honest Okay guys look

We got a demon problem on hand and it's called the nun. So Irene is like, I got to stay overnight in the Abbey tonight and she does the same thing, all the characters do. She goes walking around after midnight, out in the moonlight, just like she used to do and gets the usual spooky frights. She has a nightmare. Brooke, Brooke meanwhile that night, he keeps getting choked by zombie ghoul nuns. It's like he can't turn around without a zombie ghoul nuns It's like you can't he can't turn around with that a zombie ghoul nun choking him and then an evil nun demon is chasing Irene Yeah, I mean it's a lot of like it's a lot of like Characters walk from into a new room that new room is scary. They get scared a little bit

Just a little not too much and then it moves on to the next room. Like the audience. As usual, it almost always features a moment where the character looks at the scary thing, the camera turns to the left, turns to the right, back where the scary thing was, but it's not there anymore. Is it behind you?

We don't know. It usually is. That's what it meant. And eventually it's going to strangle you because here's what I learned about the demon valic in her in his form or her form as the nun is loves to strangle. Yeah, I mean, it loves strangling. Snake master snakes are stranglers.

Well, wow, that's a strong. Yeah, come on. That is a or poise. It's like, thank you. Paving snakes with a pretty broad brush. So that I don't appreciate it. Which is ironic since there's such an arrow animals. Yeah.

Now guys, when God made snakes, do they keep meant to give them legs? And then he just forgot because he had to deal with like Satan or something and he left the table and then he came back. Wasn't the Adam and Eve story, wasn't part it the like your like because of it your curse to Yeah, Dan you're the one who grew up in a theological household. Yeah, Ellie. It's just trying to Run ideas for me great far side car to I Groups of our side car doing regards making snakes and he's like these things are so easy It's just he's just doing the thing where you just roll a lump of clay between your hands until it becomes a long rod.

Yeah, I just want to clarify that I grew up in a Christian household. Yeah, exactly. And because it was focused, it was actually focused more on theology. Like we did not take the Old Testament in particular stories to have literal meaning that we needed to understand. They were looked upon as, you know, stories that might illuminate something about Elliot. I don't know about you, but I'm alone comfortable with all this preaching dance doing. Okay. Yeah, Dan. Look, I'm very comfortable with my religion,

and I don't need you to try to convince me to join yours, which I guess is a religion of doubt. Are you sure? Just a religion of self doubt and uncertainty. But Elliot, if I get 10 more people to sign up, I get a free membership. Oh, wait, hold on. So this is like, Dan, I think you shouldn't have joined into the church of Herbalife. I think that was a mistake.

Okay, so that demon, he attacks Burke in the form of Daniel, the exercised kid again, and Irene finds she's it. So it's been told to us that the nuns are just taking turns praying forever. Like, the nuns take turns so that prayer never stops in the abbey. And for centuries, there's always been some nuns saying the prayers. Obviously, that's not the case anymore, because they're all ghost now. Yeah, and that was in an attempt to keep the evil at bay, keep the sealed portal closed so that hell couldn't come out, right? Yeah.

And then I'm guessing a bomb hit the abbey and a piece of wood comically bonked and none on the head, and they stopped. And that's probably what happened. And the none woke up and thought she was a famous Italian race car driver and left. And and and the and the demon that gave the demon the opening he needed to leave. So Irene is joined by leave you mean just wanders around the abbey for a while. Yes, because there's no way out because it's essentially one round tunnel with no with no entrance or exit. Oh, but I guess they need the demon needs like a like a living host, right? So I guess that makes sense. I shouldn't have made exit. Oh, but I guess the demon needs like a living host, right?

So I guess that makes sense. I shouldn't have made it. Yeah, yeah. So the demon can't, as we saw in the prologue, the demon can't just walk out on its own. It needs a human host because demon, I guess that's demon rules. I don't know, ultra powerful, but they need a body. So it seems like our heroes, Burke and Irene,

are a little overmatched here. Like they're separated and getting beaten at every turn by the demon. And of course that means that's when Frenchi arrives. We're not there yet. We're not there yet. Irene is praying with an army of nuns. There's an army of nuns that are praying altogether. And the demons really tossing the nuns around and slashing up Irene's back and slashing her clothes.

That's when Burke is led to the horror room by a clue in a crossword puzzle that he sees because he's been using a crossword puzzle throughout the movie and this is when that becomes a plot point. And that's when Frenchie comes back, saves him from a zombie. How does he do it, Stuart? Oh, wait, what? There's a crossword puzzle. Yeah, I was surprised by that too.

You can tell how much I was engaged with them, details when we be by this point. I mean, if it was important to interrupt my description, you surely remember what the clue was in the crossword puzzle. Well, the thing I really wanted to interrupt was, I wanted to tell everyone about how Irene has now taken on the task of praying to keep the door the gateway closed and she thinks she's surrounded by these other nuns who are being killed by the demon and She feels like she is being attacked by the demon because that's gonna come up. That's gonna be important

But the I mean the crossword puzzle says like left or something that. And he goes to the left and there's the room. He's lying. Four letters, opposite of right. Wrong is not, that's all I've left. No, that's my letters. Let me do this. Oh, why did I start an ink? I should have started a pencil.

Maybe this is one of those Thursday crosswords where one of the letters is missing. So maybe it is wrong. W-R-O-N. Now, it posits a world where God is Wheel Shorts, which I wanna live in that universe. Oh, he seems like he'd be a pretty benevolent God. I don't know. Well, a lot of puzzles we'd have to figure out

though to get through dead-a-life. To be honest, life is a constant puzzle and you don't get all the clues. And then at the end, all you get as a reward is a finished crossword puzzle. So you know what, maybe he is good. Maybe that is real short. So it needs to write this down for my Etsy cross stitch project.

I may just say it in this new religion you've created, Elliot. Maybe I could switch over to that one, because the membership fees are my current one. So ours are very competitive. Look, it's $99 just as the initiation fee. And then it's just $600 a month. That's your basic standard plan. That gets you one crossword puzzle a month.

Not a wheel-short crossword puzzle, but a crossword puzzle. We clip it out of, not the New York Times, but out of the TV guide and send it to you. Now if you upgrade to the $2,000 a month level, then we'll send you two New York Times crossword puzzles a month level, then we'll send you two New York Times Crossword puzzles a month. And again, if you get 10 people to join, then you get up to three weeks free. So we'll just pro-rate that monthly fee. And on top of that, you get absolving absolutely from all sins that are crossword puzzle related. Like, can you cheat on a crossword puzzle? Or if you cross out the letters and write something else in, you're absolved of that sin. And you just have, oh, what's a billion years of service?

So can I sign you up? Yeah, I mean, that is actually pretty close to the cost of subscribing to the New York Times crosswords. So, oh, do you just have clarifying question? You said you clip it out of a TV guide. Do they still make TV guides or do you have to like print it off the internet? These are vintage TV guides that we find in flea markets and old age homes across the country.

To be honest, most of the crosswords are already done at this point, but. Yeah, but you can take those as omens or summits. Something, I don't know. Sure. So, so, Frenchi, he saves Burke from a zombie and they go into the horror room. And Irene is all alone in there.

It turns out there were no other nuns as Stewart was making clear before. They're all go go go ghosts. She's the only none none none still left in the abbey. Uh huh. Uh and uh and Burke burns up a nun zombie. He like that was great. Is it with a cross in? Yeah.

So the nuns on the gets up and they're like rastling with it and they set on fire. And then French, you just blast it with a shotgun. It's pretty great. He's like this is what's black and white and red all over and then shoots the none. Oh crossword joke right? I mean it could be. So they're like you read the words and a crossword. What? Damn, what's your health? Help me. I thought you were making a joke about a newspaper that had blood on it.

Yeah, okay. Where's the newspaper? Where's the crossword puzzle? And the newspaper. Third base. What are we doing? So anyway, they've got to seal this gateway,. And then it's blood? What are we doing? So anyway, they've got to seal this gateway,

but they need Christ's blood to do it as they know from the flashback earlier when the nun was info dumping. There's like a glass globe that has a little bit of Jesus' blood in it. And this feels like it's a long game for a valic because eventually they're gonna run out of blood. Jesus only had eight pints of blood in them, right?

So eventually, how many thousands of years is that gonna last? So, they don't train at all at once, right? You just take the gloves I've rounced in a while, right? Now, was this? No, no, but eventually they're gonna run out, even with just taking those little drips. So is this long congealed like clotted blood?

Like, I don't. It's magic, dude. That's magic. Well, they addressed that there's a big pile of blood on the first steps. And when they like walk up to the ab me, they're like, wow, it's still wet. But it's been like a bunch of days.

Yeah, because magic blood stays wet. I mean, you have to assume buying into this world of Catholic mysticism that Christ's blood would just stay liquid forever since it's a holy miracle that it exists at all. But, you know, maybe it's, that's the front, they should have had that when they're pouring it to seal the gateway, it's like syrup or catch up and it's taking forever and the demon is running after them.

They're like, come on, come on, come on, come on. Like when someone's trying to get download a file before someone else walks into the room and that status bar is just going so slow. Maybe you turned it back into wine to keep it liquid over the years. What? Oh yeah, that makes sense. That makes a lot of sense.

What? He said, no. Yeah, it was water that came in. I was talking about the communion. Oh, he's like this at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at my blood.

At least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at least, at my blood. At least, at least, at' blood and he says, and Catholics would believe it's the literal blood of Christ because it's transubstantiation. Dan, I told you to not preach so much to me.

Oh, not, Dan. Dan, we're not interested in joining your religion, okay? So, but Dan makes a good point. I mean, I wouldn't know because as a Jew, I don't drink wine. Oh, I don't. Wine is a staple of almost all Jewish holidays. That's why. That's the Jewish say, I don't drink good wine. That's what a Jewish vampire would say. Years ago at a at a perum party at Charlene's, I think Charlene tried to come up with a cocktail using Manacevets,

and quickly abandoned. It's like, yeah, what's it like when you drink a pixie stick? Well, there it is, Manacevets, very sweet. Okay, so they've got to seal the skateway. They need Christblood to do it, but where's the relic? Irene says, before we do this, I know we should probably hurry, because Valek is trying to steal our bodies so it can escape into the world. But first, I feel like I should be a nun to do this. I want to take my vows, because you know what? This movie's called The Nun, and all the nuns are ghosts. There's not a real nun in this whole movie. Time for me to step up and become The Nun. Because here's my question, guys.

Who's The Nun in this movie? It's her. I thought it was The Demon Nun this whole time, but is it really her, Irene? In storytelling, I. Who's the nun in this movie? It's her. I thought it was the demon nun this whole time, but is it really her, Irene? In storytelling, we would call this the tilt. Oh, what? What?

What? When you think the nun in the title refers to the monster nun, no, no, no, not so fast. It's sister Irene who will become the nun. And that, what emotion does that listen? Shocking surprise! That wild play on the title is good. That's when freakarm brains.

And Dana and I were watching this movie in the movie theater and Dana's private movie theater as in his apartment. He turned to me and he goes goes now she's the nun. I was like calm down dude I'm trying to watch the movie. No that's that's why I held uncomfortable long eye contact with Stuart. Yeah Dan just looked at him for a minute and then there were none. So they follow so Irene's like oh when I was young I always had this dream that Mary would point the way and they see a statue of the Virgin Mary and it points them where the holy relic is. So much as in the hit film signs, something that happened as a kid now turns out to be the thing she needs in this moment because God is nothing if not confusing and also, I guess operating on a different sense of linear time. Yeah, yeah.

It would be much more helpful if God gave her that information now than if He gave it to her as a child. Yeah. Just like, remember this, okay? Write this down. And the way the light is, the sunlight is bouncing off the statue's finger to point the way, is very, very much like the way

like Nathan Drake would solve a mystery in the uncharted video games. Like a pirate said that this thing would be pointing at this. So they get the Holy Relic. I guess it's got some blood in it. It just looks like a glass globe to me. They split up because why wouldn't they? They have what they need and they know where they need to go. Why not split up and go in different directions? Now a dungeon crawling, they're all getting attacked by hauntie things. Obviously at this point, you're probably wondering, why don't they just take the blood and pour it all over Frenchie shotgun bullets so he can blast that none. But you know, I mean that would require a certain level of crafting skill. You probably haven't got enough

experience points for that yet. so we'll just move on. Wait, crafting skill? Yeah, you have to have the crafting skill. So you have to find a crafting station, I guess, on this case, who would be, I don't know, like a, maybe like a sarcophagus or something that has, you hit the X button, you have to hold the Y button to craft the item you want to find is our copy doesn't have enough crafting tools so he can't To dip a As I mentioned it takes a lot of experience points to raise your crafting scale to that level What you also have to have the holy trade you have to have the holy trader else you can't make a holy weapon I didn't get this experience you get experience points by battling demons damn

That's why they go through the hallways fighting those demons is to get their XPs up so they can make the blood bowl. Yeah, they got a grind a little bit. All right. Sure. So, obviously you would normally in this situation be like, I got a job in a real life. I don't have time to farm XPs. I'll pay my little brother to do it.

Now that would normally be a good idea, but you give your brother the money first. Big mistake. No, instead of farming those at speeds, he takes that money down to the corner store, and he buys all kinds of candy. Normally, this is a good idea, because candy has plenty of nutritious value. Just check the wrapper and it says it.

So he starts eating all the candy. Big mistake. Because that candy, as there was a problem with the factory and accidentally put a shrinking ceremony. Oh, no, normally you'd say that's fine. My little brother could be a little bit smaller than he's still be my little brother. Because he's small. But the problem is the important thing.

The name. But he ate so much. He ate so much of that candy. So he eats all that candy. Big mistake. No, no. Because he shrunk so small. Now he can walk between the spaces

between the particles and your add-ons. He goes back in time. Big mistake. Now he's your older brother. But he's far too small to actually do anything about it. He can't pick on you. He can't help you. You can't teach you how to ride a bike because I said before he's so small. This is a series of unfortunate events. I mean you can extrapolate this problem from the hero and I don't have to go do it. Oh yeah. Luckily Elizabeth Warren's got a plan for all that.

So anyway, they split up and they're dungeon crawling. They're all getting haunted and attacked. Burke gets bitten in the face by a demon ghost snake and Irene almost drowns, but she pulls a little bit of nonsense of her own. While she pretends that she's dead, so that the demon will like lift her up out of the water to check her work, because the demon loves strangling.

And when she does that, she spits a mouthful of Christ's blood right into Valix demon-none face. Whoa. And Valix like, oh, there's in the movie Tales from the Crypt Demon Knight. Yeah. So he got, she had like a sneak preview of it because this is 1952, remember, when this is happening.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like time is, time's kind of like an artificial construct for a demon-likeic, so valic exists at all points in all times. So I see a demon knight. And by that I mean probably hasn't yet seen demon knight. It's, it's complicated. I'll draw you a man. I want to see your work on this one. So, Valek is like, no, blah, blah, and it's like crumbling to little pieces and gets dragged back to hell. And Irene looks like she's drowned, but then Frenchie gives her mouth to mouth and saves

her. I forgot to mention, there's a part earlier where you think Frenchie gets killed by Valek, but that's only after Frenchie gets his badass catchphrase moment where the demon is like you should have stayed away Frenchman and he goes I'm French Canadian and then what shoots her with a right shotgun or something. Yeah, I mean that is important. That is important. We're in the thing like my home theater. There's some pop corn and when that happened, Dan threw the popcorn

fucking in the air and I'm like, damn I was eating that yeah Well, he's just so excited about it. Well, I'm not see monkey had poured some poison in it so that was actually why I Captured you from eating anymore, but I didn't realize the Nazi The monkey was a Nazi He does salute right working for the Nazis. I mean, I think as a monkey probably does not have a moral sense about what he's signed up for just because as you know, monkeys didn't eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil as Adam and Eve did. We went

over the stamp. He stopped apologizing. I just want to say that if someone told me that they weren't French, they were French Canadian, I would be more scared of them than before. Like I do think that that's accurate. Okay, interesting. There's a bunch of French Canadians out there. There's so much to do.

They're all lumberjacks. Yeah, they're all lumberjacks. Every single one of them. Every, every of all of them. Or hockey players. Yeah. I mean, what's a hockey player but a lumberjack on ice to be honest?

That's actually true. Let's put it on a t-shirt and sell it in Canada. Okay. I think you do it. It's a vent diagram and one says hockey players and one says lumberjack. And it almost totally overlaps. Yeah. We're very close to that.

Okay, so the next morning they leave, I don't know why they didn't leave that night. The problem's taking care of it, but I guess they want to spend another night in this creepy old abbey. I think we've covered that like, when you got to, for these characters, when you got to That night the problems taking care of but I guess they want to spend another night in this creepy old Abby I think I think we've covered that like when you got a for these characters when you got to catch some z's You got to do it. Yeah, you just been buried alive again I'm like even books again. They got to get those HP's back. Yeah, thank you Dan. That's a rest period. Thank you for speaking my language Finally Dan understands stewards religion And the problem is that normally normally when you rest and heal all your HBs back, then all the enemies in the area respond,

but you've already defeated the boss, so you don't have to worry about it. It's fine. So I guess they're also rebaring all the nuns that night, right? Like they're reconsecrating the ground of the Abbey. The morning, they leave and everyone's like, oh, this is great. We're all going to go now. But uh-oh. What's that? On the back of Frenchie's neck. It's an upside down cross. Looks like a valic did find its host. Ah! Ah! And then suddenly, and this was the strangest thing,

it's again to tie it in with the rest of the conjuring universe. It says 20 years later, and it's the rest of the conjuring universe. It says 20 years later and It's the investigators from the conjuring right they're giving like a presentation at a college There's a local community center and they're like oh, yeah, well, we dealt with the exorcism of this guy This guy Maurice who's a French Canadian who got possessed and it's like so we dealt with that and I was and not having seen that They're conjuring movies. I was like so is he in the conjuring movies, or is that like they treated as if this is like a major thing? For some reason it feels like,

I mean, I don't remember the first conjuring that well, but there's a chance that this like, this footage was used in the beginning of the first conjuring. Yeah, there's a chance. I don't know, I did not care enough, to be honest, to really like unspool this ball of yarn, but I think that this is meant to go directly into the beginning of either the original conjuring

or conjuring to and it being like, this is how they come to know of like some super-national thing that needs to be taken care of. Is through this exercise. Yeah, because Vallex shows up later in the series. Yeah. So it's like valic, this is when they finally, when Harry met Valic, when they were dealing with

a French Canadian thing. This is an, an, an apologue that is total nonsense. If you haven't seen other country films, you're like, wow, what a weird way to end a movie. We like, one character rides off and then we flash forward to 20 years where he gets exercised of the demon We saw that it was in the end. Yeah, and I do like how it does that thing where like they do the reveal

They're like they called him Frenchy and then the camera like the the film pauses for a second and then it like slowly fades to black in like a classic horror movie so do I yeah Yeah, because they're they're bringing it all together finally in like a classic horror movie, so do I. Yeah. Yeah, because they're bringing it all together finally. Yeah, so some stray thoughts here. Now there was a great moment in the movie where when they find the relic and they're like, this is the blood of Jesus Christ. And Frenchie goes, holy shit.

And Father Burke, of course, says the holiest. Yeah, that was, I mean, it is. There's moments when we're calling Jesus' blood shit, which I assume would be heresy. I mean, there's definitely moments in this movie where I'm like, they want it to be silly and wacky. Like, it's not a super serious horror movie. And I think those points are fun, but but I wish it I don't know I wish it I guess we're going into final judgments yeah let's see final judgments

wait is this movie totally terrifying is it totally snorifying or is it frighteningly funny so yeah I guess I guess I'm I'm saying I'm gonna say this one's snorifying. I mean, I like it when possessed kid ghosts barf out snakes that come chasing people around. But it does like, it is just like a collection of jump scares. I liked, I mean, I like the performances from the leads, but there's just not that much going on here. There's nothing really to like,

I feel like there's nothing, the movie other than Jump Scars, the movie doesn't actually ground itself in anything that's really that scary. The characters are fairly thin and they don't have anything, I don't know, like there's nothing deeper than the immediate going on in this movie.

Yeah. Yeah, it feels like they took a movie, they took what should have been like the B subplot of a sequel, like this flashback parallel line and tried to make it into its own movie and they just don't have enough movie there. Not enough movie.

Yeah, the movie looks pretty good and I think Tessa Farminga in particular, I liked her performance. But in general, I was just bored. I kind of wanted it either to be more of like a slow burn horror movie that focused on creeping you out or more of just like wacky, like we're gonna throw all kinds of scares at you. Tons more Frenchy. Tons more scenes where our leads, when hiring Frenchy to take them to the abbey, accidentally put their bags on a truck that is not Frenchy's and it drives away. And Frenchy is like, has a mule cart and he laughs at them

and he calls for the truck to stop. And eagle-eyed viewers will spot that the license plate on that trap says valic on it as if valic himself was trying to steal their logo. Is that what he's in for? The whole time is valic's just trying to steal people's things. Yeah, yeah. What's the best way to steal someone's things to become them by inhabiting their body? Because then it's your things. Yeah, yeah. So the other question is,

is 910th of the law? Oh, that would have been a great tag line. Oh boy. Yeah, if it was called, if it was called exorcist cop, this possession is 910th of the law. I'd watch that movie, sure. So it's norrifying.

So it's a great store of fines. Okay. So, it's Norrifying. So, it's Norrifying. Yeah, it's Norrifying. Okay. I'm glad you finally caught on to my arcane system of measurement. Well, like this, we got big news. Oh, season one done. It's over. Season two. Coming at you hot.

Three years after. I've been in season one. I've been in season one. I've been in season one. I've been in season one. I've been in our season. I'll be almost four years. All right. And now listen here at Canipate Your Dog, the special podcast our seasons run for three and a half years. And then in season two, we can match up with new hot co-hosts named you. Hi, I'm Alexis.

Yeah. I'm doing also. Oh, the field trip dog tech. Yeah, dog news, talk news, celebrity guests. Oh, big shots will not let them talk about their resume. Nope, only the dogs. Only the dogs. I mean, if ever you were gonna get into Canada

pet your dog, now it's the time. Get in here, every Tuesday, and MaximumBud.org. Listen, I'm a hot shot Hollywood movie producer. You have until I finish my glass of kombucha to pitch me your idea. Go. All right, it's called Who Shot You? A movie podcast that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes.

I'm if you white away the new host of the show and a certified BBN. BBN. Buff Black Nerd. I'm Alonso Duraldi, an elderly gay and legit film critic who wrote a book on Christmas movies. I'm Dre Clark, a loud white lady from Minnesota. Each week we talk about a new movie in theaters and all the important issues going on in the film industry. It's like guess who's coming to dinner meets cruising.

And if it helps seal the deal, I can flex my muscles while we record each episode. I'm sorry, this is a podcast. I'm a movie producer. How did you get in here? If he quick, start flexing. Bicep, let's. Yes.

Who shot you? Dropping every Friday on MaximumFun maximum fund or wherever you listen to podcasts And now on Where are you pausing I don't know what you said to me to say about that I like Paul's boss for audience lab Is that where you're gonna put the beep so people know to turn their page in the read aloud version of this and now on two ads

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Check out squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. Yeah, so I like the energy on that read. Maybe 10% more energy and then a little bit, because it's obviously this is shocked over. Maybe 5% more Dracula.

Yeah, maybe you could have called it scare space at some point. Should I try the next one with a 5% more Dracula? Yeah, and I feel like 10 have a 10% more energy. Like Dracula got hit by all the way. Or like just... Like Dracula, Dracula took the blood of someone who's on a co-kai right now. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you right off the bat

that 5% is a very hard amount of Dracula at. But just a little touch of Dracula. Put Dracula into anything. It tends to take over the whole thing. Yeah, it dominates. So I'm good. Yeah, that's the challenge Hello fresh do not wait. Sorry. No, that's a that's the copy time. You know what not to you. Sorry I'm so into this idea of trying to drag you to regularize it. Um, yeah, okay Just a little bit of direct just drag it up 5% like so it's a, okay. Just a little bit of Drak. Just Drak it up 5% like so it's just a little bit. Okay.

The flop house is brought to you in part by Hello Fresh. Hello Fresh makes cooking delicious meals at home or reality regardless of your comfort and the kitchen. From step-by-step recipes to pre-measured ingredients. You'll have everything you need to get a while-worthy dinner on the table in just about 30 minutes. Easily change your delivery days, food preferences, and skip a week whenever you need. But when you're making your hello fresh, never drink wine For a total It's not that he hates wine unless that's part of the copy He serves wine to other people all right, it doesn't drink it never go Self if you're me drink wine except for 95% of the time because I've only 5% Dracula for a total of 80 dollars off your first month. So 95% of what he drinks is wine and 5% is blood like no water no soda is just

wine like that's the problem. This guy has a problem Dan. For a total. Is this Johnny debt you're being Johnny debt right now? For a total of the 80 dollars off your first month that's $20 dollars off your first four boxes. Visit hellofresh.com slash flop 80 and inter promo code flop 80. That's hellofresh.com slash flop 80, promo code flop 80 for a total of $80 off your first month. That last paragraph had the number 80 in it several times. You know, which did wrong vampire Dan, that's the count.

Not Dracula. The count would be interested in that. Yeah, when I saw that Adred car approaching the the curve of wow worthy, I was not expecting you to handle it as well as he did Dan well done. Thank you. Yeah, no, I think that was I'm going to give you a solid B plus on that. Wow. Wow. Thank you. Yeah, no, I think that was I'm gonna give you a solid B plus on that. Wow. Thank you Hey, there are no other

There are not any other formal advertisements, but I do want to do a quick favor for a former flop house guest co-host Frank Glasser who did I believe I believe, next, the episode next. And maybe one other, former Cool Bear writer has a new thing out on IMGB titled, You're Not A Monster. It's a cartoon. A new thing? It's a new cartoon. Out on IMGB called, You're Not A Monster about a therapist for monsters.

It has a lot of big names involved, so I don't know why he wanted me to mention it, because what can I do? But it stars Eric Stone Street, Kelsey Grammer, and Aparna Nancharola as the... Aparna Nancharola. Yeah, I knew I was going to fuck it up. I mean, she's hilarious, but I have bad tongue for talking. And to find the next stage of your question, you'll need the help of Daniel Badtongue a he's a bard in a far off village. I don't know why he's a bard his tongue is bad

Mm-hmm, and has guests like Ellie Kimper pat and Oswald Amber Ruffin and Amy Sidaris great cast obviously so check out You're not a monster and now you've called in your shit Frank Lesser Wow his marker come to me no more called in your shit, Frank Lesser. Wow, his marker. Come to me no more. Can you like the show? No, it's good. It's a good show.

He's funny. These are all funny people. Why would? So I should mention, this is coming out. I think this episode is what being released on Saturday, October 12th. Yeah, so we're going to be in Lala land, right? We're in Los Angeles today. If you're hearing this episode, the day it is released, we are in Los Angeles

tonight at the Regent Theater at 7 p.m. Yeah. I don't know if there's gonna be tickets left available by then, but it's worth trying. So maybe there'll be some left. The Regent Theater, we're gonna be talking about Dark Phoenix, the movie that killed the X-Men series for now. Hello. Now, it is my understanding, Elliot, that the people in LA are often walk up at the door and buy ticket types.

They like to put things off because it's just let it drive around cars, maybe they don't necessarily want to know until the day, whether they're coming. I know you're trying to create a sense of scarcity by saying, I don't know if they're going to be taking it for a while, but I also do not want to discourage anyone who last minute wants to take a shot at coming to the show because I hope we can get everyone in. Okay, so Dan, you're you're you're you're hat and hand on your knees. Yeah, well, I mean, we're employees. We're trying two different, and opposing sales techniques.

Uh-huh. You know, I'm the, I'm the good cop telly. It's bad cop in this. Uh, I think I would, I would call it good salesman to your bad salesman. Okay. Well, I just, I don't want to discourage, you know, possible sales.

That's all. Yeah, is this, is this your audition for a sales job? A sales position? Right. I mean, I this your audition for a sales job, a sales position? I mean, I guess you do ad reads for every time you do one of these shows. And I mean, they're great. Yeah, you do a good job, people love them. Wow, worthy, I would describe them.

So we're doing a show in Los Angeles if you come up and ask Dan a riddle and stump him. Yeah. I'll take his picture with you and then have his soul. To be fair though, Dan is very good with riddles. So really challenge him. Boy, you gotta give him a, like a Samson level riddle. Uh-huh. Oh shit. About like, Connie and, and what lines. Yeah so so that's today. The day the episode comes out in downtown Los Angeles, come down and see the

show. It's gonna be fun. 7 p.m. Dark Phoenix. So Dan, what do you do next on this show? Well, next we're gonna answer a few letters or or or read them if there is nothing to answer from listeners. I don't want to do covered all of the bases. I don't want to hammer sin. I don't want to I don't want to be the victim of a class action lawsuit of all the listeners who are like I thought you're just gonna answer questions and let's read letters. I want to I want to pull the curtain back a little bit. Elliot's been Skyping with us and moving his phone a lot. He was walking around the room Doing something. Well, I had to I had to make sure to plug my phone in.

I thought I had enough battery for the whole session. I didn't. I'm use Skyping on my phone because I had an issue with my Zoom recorder that I'm still working on. So I'm using my computer as a backup recording device. And so in order so that I don't have problems with audacity, the recording program on my computer, I am Skyping on the phone instead of on the computer.

I mean, I don't think it really worked. I don't think it worked. It worked. I don't think iter. I am Skyping on the phone instead of on computer I mean, so we hold back the curtain on the least interesting thing So I don't know I just made it less interesting. I was just saying it was crazy Yeah, but also Apologies to listeners if any like fumbling or rumblings are Audible or if Dan and Stewart seem confused by the way the camera is spinning out of control Guys, I think I hired Darren Arnowski to shoot my Skype conversation. And if you're not ready for that kind of high-intensity camera work, it's like Elliot's stem chip is kicked in and he's about to battle some dudes.

All right, so that's great. Letters. This first one is from Adam Lastname with Held. Who writes? Sure. Let's see if he ruins our podcast. Dear Peaches, you've seen a lot of bad, bad movies that are bad in part because they fail to take advantage of the medium or because of lackluster, acting, and or poor, directorial choices.

Which flop-house movie do you think failed as a film, but whose story could be turned into a legitimately good work of written fiction? Yours in Flappitude, add a blast name withheld. I think we go to this well a lot for this kind of question, actually, for whatever reason, but I think maybe the odd life of Timothy Green could be

turned into a fairly interesting like offbeat young adults fantasy book. I mean just you know like it it Like an animal or type thing. Are you trying to get back in Lynn Mann Wilmer and his good graces? Yeah, that I could be The bin bam is coming to Brooklyn and there's always the off chance i could run into them uh... i don't know um... but i feel like there's something about that like

the whimsy of it i feel like would go better down on the page somehow i think you're probably right i i you know i'm gonna uh... i'm gonna go on a limb here but i think i think there's something about those 50 Shades of Grey movies, right? They can make some hot books. Yeah, think about it. Some hot, really poorly written books, maybe. I don't know why you'd say that, I mean.

Or I feel like I'm also, I have another one that is in a joke, guys. That last one was a joke. And I can tell by your, your large reaction. Muses. I enjoyed it. You know, you try a bunch. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Wait. Yes. Yeah. He did it. The perfect joke. Yeah, I did it. The perfect look. Yeah, I did it was somebody stop it. Okay. No, no, no, no, the last the last lawyers are going to come at this. I was going to say, although I think this I think boom goes the dynamite. I think we kind of said that this one, this movie actually kind of worked a bit.

I think it would be it would make a fun Like a written paperback thriller was the Hallibary movie kidnap. Oh, yeah, where a mother and the aid of her very sensibly Gas-powered SUV manage. I don't know what I was It was a it was a town in country, right? Uh, her S.U.V. and her managed to thwart kidnappers.

And it's great. And I think it would make a fun paperback thriller. Good. I think this is going to sound weird, but I think the book of Henry, if it was a French or Japanese comic. Uh-huh. Yeah. And had some changes, I think could have worked. I

think it being from another country would have made some of these strange things about it that were off-putting seemed quirky and and and fun. And I think if it was in a comic book form and we weren't watching actual human beings trying to be these characters, then they might have been more viable more believable. So would it just be called Henry then, instead of the book of Henry, and if it was French, would it just be called Henri? Look, that's up to whoever decides to do it. Mobius, I guess.

Oh, wow! Back from the grave. All right. So this is an interesting next letter that it's good, because it'll be a counterpoint to some of the other religious Dan we don't want to join So this is from Julie from Julie last name with held Julie Christie okay, she writes my son is turning 13, and as a bribe to study his Torah portion,

I promise him he can watch Deadpool once he becomes a man. Oh, mazel tov, what every, at what every bar mitzvah boy dreams of watching Deadpool. What, what are other coming of age movies you can recommend? We, other coming of age movies. So that's true. Yeah, the locations that Deadpool is coming of age movies.

What? What are coming of age movies you can recommend? Let's put it that way then. Bonus points of it's something he can watch with his mom. Extra bonus points. If any nerd characters aren't coded as Jewish. Oh. I do.

Oh, yeah. So wait, it is confusing to me because she does say other coming of age movies. So she may just be saying, what are some other movies that he can watch now that he has become a man? Or he could be asking, she could ask me. I'm not gonna be like Deadpool, so Deadpool too, right off the bat. Or she could be asking for like stand by me. That's a subtitle. Yeah, I don't.

Deadpool, I love the bat. So, Dan, you're gonna recommend like cheeky or something. No, no, I'm looking at this, at this question and such a different light now, because it's clear to me now that we're supposed to recommend things that may not have been appropriate for him as a child, but now that he is, I mean, I feel like my record is...

So, like, my record? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. That's an older movie, right? I mean old movies can get a pass, right? I'd be like PG and nowadays climate. It would be what it would be rated PG. That's there's some director was like you couldn't make salo today. It's like well, they could barely make it then. It's horrifying. I guess you could watch the movie that brought me into manhood. Just one of the guys. No, no.

I feel like a movie like Stan Bime probably might be more what she's looking at. I can't, I'm not sure at this point whether it's actual coming of age movies. When I was thinking of coming of age movies, the two that caught into my head were Edge of 17. Recent, this team drama is great. The teenagers act like teenagers and they have like real, real problems, and I was going to say ginger snaps,

which is like one of my favorite horror coming of age story is about two sisters who are dealing with getting older and also becoming, becoming aware wolf. It's very good. It's very good. It's very good. It's very good. It's very good. It's very good. It's very good. It's like classic things. Does, do you think like eighth grade falls into that type of area or region?

I guess. Or what about like breaking away? I don't know. That's a blast for the past, huh? Breaking away? Wait, is that the one about bicycles? The bicycle one. Is that the one that shot us?

That's the one in Indiana, right? Yeah, cool. All right, anyway, that was breaking away talk. I hope we answered your question. the bicycle one. Is that the one that shot us? That's the one in Indiana, right? Yeah. Cool. All right. Anyway, that was breaking away, talk. I hope we answered your question. Anyway, moving on. I feel like both of mine.

I feel like both of mine are these words. Yeah. I think I want this. All the best ones I can think of actually. With a. Go on. I want this writer to write in with a better, with a clarification of what they're asking for. Yeah, perhaps. I'm blessed they're just trying to get us to write a check for $18 to send to the bar mitzvah.

Nope. Not going to fall for it. In conclusion, Ghost World, moving on, Derek Lass, name withheld, asked this. Hello, Dan, parentheses, and Elliott and Stu. Just wanted to say that I started listening to your podcast this last year during the due to the credit of my office mate, Matt and I, Oh, sorry, due to the credit of my office mate, there should be a period there. Matt and I Oh, wow, thanks for writing it to Dan McCoy letter corrector. Look, I, you know, if I'm gonna read it, I need I, you know, it's like a teleprompter. I'm gonna read whatever's on there

I, you know, it's like a teleprompter. I'm gonna read whatever's on there. Uh, Matt and I heard the, quote, interruption of Dan opening a package that ended up being a water pick at the suggestion of his dentist. I actually just got the same record. It was riveting my video. I got the same recommendation from the dentist myself

because I hate flossing and my gums could use it. So I wasn't wondering if you could send me your impressions of it once you've gotten the hang of it a bit. So I could convince my wife I need to get one too. Thank you very much Derek, well, Derek last name will tell. First I have to say, Derek, your wife seems far more concerned about your finances

than your health right now. Wow. I don't know that you need to like convince her that your gum health is worth the money to get the water pick. So you're saying this is kind of a Joan Q's act and Adam's family values type situation where she's going to try to murder him for his millions. Yeah, I want you to look into this.

Have you taken out any life insurance policies recently? Yeah. Or tooth insurance. You know what? I, here's the thing. So my, uh, uh, the last time I went to a Best Buy and bought teeth, I, they're like, do you want to get an insurance plan on this? I'm like, I don't know.

Like, it feels like a scam. But what happens if my teeth just fall right out of my head? So how much is it there? Like, well, we don't cover accidental damage. And I'm like, but what are the kinds of problems that my team have? I can't accidental damage. So earlier in the really, they're just selling you peace of mind Stewart. So earlier in the album, peace of mind.

Earlier in the day, my girlfriend saw that I was going to answer this question and she's like, oh, I've got waterpicked thoughts, but then she had to shower and leave the apartment. So she texted me just now. Okay Okay so let's let's uncode that unpack that Dan is bragging that he has a girlfriend who keeps clean and he is telling us how he did he himself did not prepare anything for this letter. No she texted. She's not just him contracted out to his girlfriend. No no I didn't subcrime tracking. Unbit unbit in she has texted me waterpicked thoughts because she was upset that she did not

get to express them earlier. It's also, what it tells me also is that he talks to his cool friend about the questions for the show and gives her much more time to think of an answer than us. You were sent the questions a half hour before recording. A whole amount of time. So she says, it's good,

but it's only better than regular flossing because it's easier to do properly. Use properly. A lot of people don't floss right. That's a big thing. That's a big thing though. Yeah. Why are you arguing with this text from her?

No, that's not. It's only better because it does the job easier. Okay. Well, that's a good answer. Okay, I'll continue. Okay. So if you're good at flossing, it's whatever. Electric toothbrushes, on the other hand, there's no way a human hand can replicate

the speed of the electric toothbrush. So it's way better, all caps. Good dental hygiene is key, especially because insurance hates covering it, and if you have shitty insurance, good fucking luck. So that's her dental corner. A sub-substitute of normal... A dental issue, normal

which I guess is a new regular segment of the thought pass. Yeah, so we talked about how it's affected Dan's bad breath or or good breath. Yeah, maybe it's good breath. Yeah, I don't I have got no idea. I can't spell myself. Yeah, as a as a vampire, dental hygiene is very important. I can't bite into a neck if my teeth are not sharp and strong. So I recommend being a vampire. Yeah. Now that's what I call a hundred percent Dracula. Wow. Yeah. You got a perfect score. From the Transylvania Institute of Dracula studies. Now we recommend movies you should watch definitely instead of The none I would say

You watch any movies lately Dan Yeah, I have I'm looking over nothing nothing in my letter box has gotten more than three and a half stars recently, but No, so so should one of the other ones of us? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the era of lowered expectations. I mean, that kind of is how I enter most horror movies, even though I love them so much. I mean, that is true, is that I love horror movies, and yet every time I watch a new one, I'm like, well, this is probably gonna suck.

Or even an old one, there's, and I don't mean suck as a pun on Dracula, who of course sucks blood. Yeah. Just got. No, quickly, child's play remake is it's fun because it actually shoots off in like a different equally wacky direction with the the with the Chuckie character and not being a possessed doll of a of the spirit of a serial killer that is transformed by I think a voodoo rich little I

can't remember. Yeah. Um, this case, it is a malfunctioning doll that has at one point, basically dominion over all other wired things around him. It's, it doesn't, it doesn't, internet. So like John Balushi. I can see Stuart getting very upset about this, but like it's done with such wackiness. Like there's basically a scene in the beginning

of the movie like that Simpsons thing, where it's like, oh here's your Like there's basically a scene in the beginning of the movie like that Simpsons thing where it's like, oh, here's your problem, the doll is set to evil. Like there's a scene where it like turns off like the violence inhibitor at the factory. Like it disgruntled like worker. So does he still have the voice of Brad Dorif? No, it's Mark Hamel on this one.

Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Anyway, it's very goofy. It has like Brad Dora played Luke Skywalker. I think we'll go a little something like this. Hey, I'm Brad Dora. I'm here to play Luke Skywalker. Oh, thanks for coming Brad. Here, pick up this lightsaber. What? Light what? What? Oh, yeah, it's one of these. It's a kooky crazy weapon from a kind of outer space fantasy land.

What from like the future No actually from a long time ago. This doesn't make any sense Well, show me my costume. It's basically like a karate key and then you're wearing like legging pajama pants underneath it like thermal underwear What why so I'm leaving some recalls. That's why I need thermal leggings. No, you're actually on a desert planet. It's very hot there So this isn't make any sense. I've got to talk to the director. Actually, I'm the director. My name is George Lucas. What? What? Huh? What? The director of American graffiti? What?

You haven't directed a science fiction film or? I did actually. T-Hex 1138. It was both a short end of feature film. What? You're telling me there's George Lucas movies I haven't seen? Well, maybe I've only made like a couple movies. You could have seen them both, but maybe you're a busy man. I'm very busy making a little movie called Wise Blood. Good day, sir. Famously, a surprised actor, Brad Dora.

Nobody does surprise, like Brad Dora. Yeah, that's actually, that's what happened when they hadn't played Gremel Wormtongue. You see, got so surprised as I pressed. Yeah. Just flew off the spore. Just to tie off my recommendation. And then when, and then Dune came along and he was like, I cannot blow off another science fiction

blockbuster. That was a big mistake. Just quickly to sum up, a child's play is goofy. It's got gore your kills that I expected out of a big budget reboot. If that's your thing. And Aubrey Plaza and Brian Tyree Henry are in it and they're both good.

They're also my thing. Yeah, so that's it. Cool. Stu, you want to go? Should I go? Yeah, I guess I am going to recommend a movie that I may have mentioned on the show before. I'm going to recommend one of those Netflix original horror movies. This one is called The Velvet Buzzsaw or just Velvet Buzzsaw. It is a movie set in LA's Busy and Crazy Art scene and it has to do with evil art that kills people and it is incredibly silly.

Jake Chillingall and Tony Collette and a bunch of other folks give some really fun wacky performances. It kind of feels like if somebody took like a late period, late in the series, final destination movie, or wishmaster movie, and just cast it with a really good, gave it a really good cast and had Dan Gillroy directed. And it's really silly, and there's, anytime a character dies, I'm like, oh yeah, this is a horror movie,

because before that I was like, oh, this is just horror movie because before that I was like, oh this just a silly weird movie. And yeah, I mean, it's one of those things where if you're looking for a serious horror movie, you know, serious with a capital frown, you probably won't be happy with it. Or if you're looking for like an actual like reasoned critique of the art world, you'll also be disappointed. But if you're looking for like a wacky time at the pictures, go over to your Netflix and queue up velvet buzzer. Renée Rousseau's in it too. Of course she's married to the director.

Wow, that makes us sound like that's the only reason that Of course she's married to the director. Wow, that makes it sound like that's the only reason that No, and she's super talented, but like, you know, let's just clarify. Let's just clarify. I wanted to I'm saying it's more it's a show of how the director was able to land her for the movie. Yes. All right, because he landed her if you know what I mean Okay, being weird being Now is this is it is less weird if I say it like this Well, don't do that bread door thing with your eyebrows What that means you're either growing them very long

Sheering them off. He's very much an eyebrow-based actor Okay, guys honor a recommend a movie about the scariest thing of all colonial oppression That's right. It's Emmett high. It's a Senegalese movie from 1971, directed by the father of Senegalese, Senegalese, uh, Senegalese, uh, Senegalese, uh, Senegalese, uh, Senegalese, Senegalese, Senegalese, and it's the story of a village in Senegal during World War Two when, uh, the French were still the colonial occupiers of the country, and they are forcing the villages first to send them their men so that their young men's that they can serve in the war and then to send them their rice harvest, that they can feed the soldiers, and this village decides that it's going to resist.

The women of the village engage in a kind of silent, unified resistance while the men of the village spend all their time arguing about what they're going to do and how they're going to do it and whether it's right or not. And it's this combination of... It's a movie on a deliberate pace, but it's this combination of like this really beautiful, like a color photography of Senegal, and also some real... A few very funny and a few very suspensal scenes, but also like this is real Marxist filmmaking in a way that I'm not used to seeing in American movies where it is very much about the unified effort of a community, the way

that individualism can distort or make impossible those efforts, but also really putting you in the place of an oppressed people in a colonial setting, and the only way that they can even try to escape, which inevitably is gonna lead probably to tragedy, but is an attempt at least to stand up for themselves. And there's one. Kind of like, like, like, MacAven Mrs. Miller. I mean, MacAven Mrs. Miller in some ways is kind of the opposite of it,

because that's about how two individuals can create a community, and this is much more about how a community unifies around something. And also how ladies get things done, well, man or jab or not, about what, maybe I'll do this, maybe I'll do this, who's gonna be the leader, I don't know.

But I thought it was really good, and it's called Amitai. And there's one scene in it that I thought was really funny where it's during the time when Marshall Patan has been replaced by Charles De Gaal as the official French leader. And this one, Senegalese conscript is like, wait a minute. But Patan was seven star general, and DeGal is a two star. Two star can't tell what seven star would do. This is crazy.

Like, just showing how crazy it is to be an empire in a way because this place that is so far away that the things that are happening in France are Mostly irrelevant. It still has to deal with these issues and understand them when really they shouldn't have to Be involved in them at all. Anyway, I'm making it sound more complicated than it is. It's called Amatai. I liked it. Yay! Yay! And how does that movie fall into the shot? Oh, I guess you explain how it fits in the shot tober thing. Oh, this the scariest thing of all. Being oppressed by a colonial occupy.

Because guys look a little dull that kills people or like, you know, or a painting. Or a art that a painting that kills people. It's not going to oppress an entire country, you know? No, you're right. You're right. You're right. To be honest, the body count in Metyie is probably higher than either of those movies.

So it fits into my description of a horror movie. Oh, there's at least, there's multiple deaths in it. So it is a horror movie. Yeah, there you go. I mean, and there's a scene where one of the characters literally argues with his gods who argue back. So there's kind of like a mystical scene. So it's kind of like the nun too.

Oh, wow. So the nun too. The nun, the movie that's coming soon because the first one did so much, did so well. So. The nun too, Emmetye, in which Valek, the demon, is in Senegal as a French oppressor. So I have a question, Elliot.

And it's about the errands that you're going to do after this podcast, part of the reason that we're trying to keep things short. Now, so you're both bringing the audience in on something that is irrelevant to them, and also taking longer on the podcast recording that I would like to finish up relatively soon to have an appointment. I mean, this is the, this is the close things, Ahtel. When your wife asks you what kind of bed you wanted, did you go Murphy? So allow me to explain the context of this room. In order to, in order to turn our living room into more of a guest room area, we are going to get a

Murphy bed or perhaps a cabinet bed, a wall bed you could call in. And so we are going to a place, I won't say the name because they have not paid me to advertise them, and I don't know if I like their products yet, we are going to a place to look at and find out more about and try out different wall beds or cabinet beds, which are commonly called Murphy beds. And so that is why Dan in his Robocop based joke decided to say that that's how I said what kind of bed I want it. Now again, this is all information that is irrelevant to the listener. It is prolonging the episode of the time when we should just be coming to a close.

It is putting thinking into my private life and the way my homes laid out in a way that I'm not comfortable with the audience now. I do that. I do kind of like how Dan's joke. I mean, we can call it a joke. How it, how it, it kind of reminds the listener that like the way that movies can affect our everyday life, you know?

I just want to say, I'm pretty sure the listener loved what just happened. I mean, speaking for the listener, I think it was a combination of first confusion and then boredom, and then ultimately acceptance as they passed from this life into the nether realm. Wow. Well, let's close. So you're suggesting they laugh so hard. They like the weasels and who frame Bradja Rabbit turned into low ghosts with harps and float up the what exactly is that does that mean that those weasels went to heaven well that's well that's because the animated God Walt Disney is of course a

forgiving God that's the mystery of his of his forgiveness and his faith in that all creatures of animation will ultimately be accepted to heaven except for Horus horse collar he He knows what he did. Yeah. Well, you're certainly not making this bug, guys. Are you sure now? No, actually, who would you put if there was a, if there was a, you, Dan, this, you kick this door open.

Don't be unhappy when I march right through it following you. I was trying to tie things off with ghost weasel. When you went into, when you went into, when you went into, when you went into, so go on. When we're standing at it, when we're standing at a restaurant table about to sit down and not wait anymore and you point to a restaurant three miles away and say no let's go there follow me don't be mad when I do follow you and we have to get to that restaurant and I have to

rethink what I'm gonna order. Okay. So so just who which anime characters do you think would be in hell? Cool cat for sure right? Because that guy's a dick. Yeah. Yeah, Fritz the cat too obviously if we're gonna stick probably a lot of cats cats Snaggle puts of course because of the sins of the flesh. Yeah I mean, I think obviously Jammajar will go straight to heaven because he for went his His you know desire to murder and eat teenagers to instead instead, just start a band with them. You don't know that. Have you seen the Neptune's around lately?

That's true. Yeah, I would imagine the, the, what is it? It's two young women who have to look after Captain Caveman, right? They're probably going to have to. Because of all their work dealing with their difficult Captain Caveman friend.

Oh, they're going to have it. But you have to assume that Captain Caveman having been born at a time before Christ and not being able to accept him as a savior is going to be in that that area of hell set aside for noble pagans. Cause it doesn't get more noble than that. Dan, what do I do? What do I tell you about preaching to me? Captain, I mean, I mean, wait, that was Ellie weird. Obviously count Dracula though. I mean, as nice as he seems to be has cursed is Dan for all eternity as a vampire.

Oh, yeah, well, here's the thing though. Hot stuff, the little devil. I think he's going to have it. Well, let's, that's all Octobery stuff. Shocktobery stuff. So it's in there instead for the podcast. I've been Dan McCoy. You know, I've been Stuart Wellington.

I also like to plug our network maximum fund. We're listening to this and there's plenty of other great podcasts there. Summer Shocktoberlaid, showmer not. Showmer not. Showmer not. What a showmer not. Yep, showway, AKL.

And thanks to Jordan for editing the show. And Jordan Caling, you mean? Yes. Okay, and yeah, listen to maximum fund podcasts. Please tell people about the Flop House Podcast. Write about us on Twitter or Instagram or Facebook or whatever, review us on iTunes. Give us a good review.

Give us a lot of good reviews. Yeah, the better reviews, the better. Yeah, and tell people about us. And thanks for listening. For the Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Elliot Koei, Lord. I'm Stuart Wellington. Bye-bye.

That's actually gonna confuse people who don't know our names. That's okay. And we're out. And over. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Alright, everything is... Kevin up Flop House. Hey, hey, hey, E-Man, what's up? Hey, S-Dude. Oh, you know, just live in... Stupid. Shake a living. Just live in love and laugh, and you know, if you ain't laughing, you ain't living, and if you ain't loving, then you're not also living, I guess.

And if you love lemons, you'll laugh, loudly. Maximumfund.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned. Audience-supported. And you'll laugh, flavly.