The Flop House - Ep. #304 - Zarkorr! The Invader

Episode Date: February 1, 2020

Zar-who-what-now? We finally get around to one of our contest winner episodes, this one picked by Elizabeth Stege, who designed our delightful new Flop House Housecat t-shirt, which you can purchase HERE! It's a Full Moon Features (awww yeah, Stu) kaiju movie with about 5 minutes of giant monster action in the whole film. But what it lacks in reason to exist, it makes up for in... charm? We guess? Meanwhile, Stuart explains the advantages to playing with dead things, Elliott explains how time zones work, and Dan introduces an exciting new wrinkle to the show. Wikipedia synopsis of Zarkorr: The Invader! Movies recommended in this episode: VHYes Greener Grass Color Out of Space Sudden Fear LIVE SHOW ALERT! - The Flop House in Toronto - April 18!

On this episode we discuss Zarkor! The Invaders! Zzzz from Mars? No, just the Invaders. Oh, okay. Don't worry, we hadn't heard of it either. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Oh hey Dan, it's me, Stuart Wellington.

And over here in Los Angeles, it's Elliot Kaylen, living in a different time zone, which occasionally causes scheduling problems, but you know what, we're three friends who pull together, who thick, and thin, so we get over it. Do you remember that time when Stuart was late for his own wedding, and oh boy, we had to drive him cross country in only 17 hours to get him there and it was crazy and that song bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap b like kinda rap Scalian character showed up at court. I think he morphed out of a pile of sand.

And then he's saying a song. I just remember that time. And then he's saying a song about like being in love with the queen and you're like, what? I get what you're saying. That was crazy. I feel like Elliott bringing up our scheduling difficulties

now is him laying the groundwork so I'm not mad at him later when we try and catch up. Oh, hash out how we're gonna schedule things. Yeah, little does he know that that's making Dan even more angry. Oh no. Well, it does remind me of that time when similarly, the Pharaoh asked me to sing a song and entertain his bride

and I sang a song about how I was in love with the bride. And then they were like, yeah, Michael Jackson just sang that song yesterday. And I was like, what? Yeah. Yeah, your eyes popped out of your head. Okay. Yeah, like a text every wolf.

Yeah, explain a few things. Number one, we're the flop house. First principles, we're the flop house. We watch bad movie and then we talk about it. Number two, the movie that we watched this time around is not our usual thing of recent movies. We've done a few movies in the theater recently. Normally we do stuff that's new to like streaming or DVD, but anyway.

And usually it's a big budget spectacular. Yeah, but this week. Or at the very least, whatever horror movie we could find at the moment. Yeah. This week though, we're getting around to finally. It's more like a mumble core art house movie right? Yep, Zarcore the mumble core, yeah sure. Yeah. After months and months of other stuff that we kind of had to like run through we are getting around to the contest winners who designed our

flop house merch. Oh right. And doing one of the prizes was to pick a movie for us to talk about. And the first contest winner, the first one is Elizabeth Steggy. I asked her how she pronounces her name. And I believe that is correct. Steggy. Steggy. Like a nickname for a Stegosaurus and a kids cartoon show. Oh, that's what, yeah. That's what she said. She said it starts like Stegosaurus. And then there's. Well, that's what she said. She said, it starts like Stegosaurus and then there's an E at the end. Or like what like plates, thin, what would be a good nickname for a Stegosaurus?

I mean, I think either Steggy or like, yeah, maybe plates could be it, you know, if he's like a rapper and then calm plates. I mean, he also, Or if he works out a lot and he's always pushing plates around. Yeah, that's true. A busboy?

That's all the true plates? Yeah. Let me just tell you, a bad idea to hire a Stegosaurus is a busboy. One, they can't stand on their hind legs for very long. They can't carry the plates. Two, you got that Thagomizer at the end of their tail. That's the actual scientific word Thagomizer for the spikes. It was decided.

Gary Larson did a joke about it in the far side and scientists realized, oh, we don't actually have a name for it. So I guess we'll just call it that. So it's called a Thangomizer. But, it's, while it's swinging that thing back and forth, brussel tables, you know, it's just killing people. You know, just killing them on the spikes. And then you got the worst problem at all.

Stagasources got a tiny little pea brain. It's roughly the size of a walnut. And people are gonna wanna eat that delicious walnut. So they're just gonna crack open the head of your bus boy, dip out that walnut, and then you gotta get a new bus boy. You know what, I gotta tear up my business plan now. Yeah, now here's another bad one to hire as a bus boy. Tyrannosaurus Rex, little bitty arms.

Can't carry a lot of plates. Well, wait, I've never heard that. I always thought Tyrannosaurus Rex is one of the ones with super big long arms. No, that's just that one Tyrannosaurus Rex that has the workout tapes. That are called Blaster, your itty bitty arms. Yep, Blaster. It's called Tommy T Rex itty bitty arm blaster. What if I got...

It's theodore Rex to be my bus boy. Now, then you're just going to have a lot of shenanigans. And you're also going to have to deal with whoopie gobrake hanging around the restaurant. I mean that's great. Who would want whoopie? You start. Yeah, well she'll bring in Billy Crystal. That's who she'll bring in about it. Yeah Guys, let me get to What I was gonna say okay, which is I asked Elizabeth To contribute a look you know few words saying why she chose of all movies, this movie that no one has heard of, Zarkour The Invader. Okay. And she said, Zarkour is quite possibly my favorite B movie and it's not one of the better known ones. So I suppose I mostly just

want to share it with others. I founded a, at a going out of business sale for a video rental joint sometime around 2004. For me, it strikes that perfect balance of being overacted and dumb, cheaply made, etc. but with the occasional moments of brilliance and several aspects that are genuinely unique and interesting. It's funny, I would have thought that like rentals of Zark or would have saved the business, but I guess not. I don't know if you'll feel the same way, but I love how fucked up the alien race is, how terribly the protagonist reacts to suddenly needing to save the world. I think I would do a similarly shit job of it, to be honest. How cryptozoology is apparently a thing, but cryptozoologistures fuck don't believe in aliens.

And how thoroughly uncharismatic and awful the nerdy hacker character is. Also, it has a rad closing theme. I don't know. It's full moon features doing a Kaiju flick. If nothing else, that's fairly unique. I hope you guys enjoy watching it. Oh, boy, did we ever don't want to rush to the end. Stuart, were you excited when the full moon logo came up

and you saw Charles Bands' name in the opening credits? Yeah, yeah, I hopped up out of my chair and I started running in circles while lying on the ground. Yeah, the old whoop whoop whoop whoop and then you said, oh, what a good boy am I? I did it so fast that I'd bored a hole in the ground and I went to the center of the earth and I told the magman and they came back and watched the movie. Oh, did they like it? Not to jump to spinal judgments. How did the magman and they came back and watched the movie. Oh, I mean, did they like it? Not to jump to spinal judgments. How do the magmen feel about it?

Oh, they were kind of concerned about its portrayal of, well, I don't want to talk about it. OK, well, why don't we get into it? Zark or the invader starts as many spine tingling, terrifying movies begin with 90 seconds of the planist credits I've ever seen. It is just like they said, what is the what is the cheapest font that we can get? Well, this is the font that comes with the

video editing software you're going to use. Just give it to me. Great. Perfect. Yes. Of course. We then go to Mount Aurora, California at 1010 pm. Do you say, do you say California wrong? I don't think I did. Let's check the tape. We go to Mount Aurora Kaga Laga Laga. You're right Stewart, I did. On reviewing the tape instead of saying California I said Kaga Laga Laga, which is not the name of that state. And I should know I live here.

So you checked your driver's license right before saying that word. Just to make sure I was pronouncing it right because California it has the pronunciation on the license because this state is full of dumb people as we know from 80s movies about the entertainment business. Broken down fanatically. Exactly. And broken down emotionally. Yeah. dumb 80s movies like less than zero and what? And yeah, yeah, and Sophie's choice. Yeah. And you know, other 80s movies like Children of Lessor God, Howard's End, the classic California movies. You know, so anyway, we're in California.

It's 10, 10 PM. This will become important because the time is the same everywhere in the world, despite how time works in real life. As we'll see. And 10, 10 PM is most exciting because it's the tin tin of times if you pronounce it Dan McCoyway. Now Dan, did you think that tin tin, the cartoon boy, was that his name was just 10, 10

and he was a robot? No, I can read and understand words. And I don't, I'm not confused by that. And also, unlike I guess both of you guys, are you guys talking about tin? I that also unlike I guess both of you guys are you guys talking about I can tan Unlike I guess both of you I can understand words via context clues I can think like oh he's probably not thinking of the metal tin. He's thinking of the number 10 and and so like I mean hominemes do exist in the world

and so like i mean hominem do exist in the world uh... guys are you are you confused by those regularly and you're i just i just i worried that you would be listening to love shack the hit song by the b-52s and they'd say tin roof rusted and you go ten roofs what kind of mansion is this and they're all russet uh... better get to work out of shack it's a ten rooms on a shack oh boy anyway it's moun Aurora california ten ten p.m. and a pack of blue collar joe's witness an avalanche from which a monster emerges which we as it we we later learned as the titular zarkor

and he's kind of like uh... you know how did you describe him like it's like godzilla but he's got devil horns uh... not a lot of lower body movement uh... may just just waste up and you would you would kind of assume this from the movie But if you do any research on the film I guess they just sort of had these special effects and wrote a movie around them

No, that seems I mean, I don't know how you how you get that I mean the fact that the hero of the film and Zarkour the monster almost never appear in the same scene let alone on camera together the monster almost never appear in the same scene. Let alone on camera together. So our course kind of unsteady on his feet, which is understandable, there's fire and magma erupting. And he just woke up. And he just said, true. Who knows how long he's been sleeping for?

That's true. But he does manage to destroy miniature gas station. Cut to Newark, New Jersey, 11.30 p.m. Yeah, we hover over the skylight of the sprawling city escape of Newark, New Jersey. Not since the HBO production logo. Have I seen a miniature city created with such just love in every single bit of it? And yet it still looks like a tiny little miniature.

Now, I gotta say that this is one thing I appreciated about the movie because the movie does this transition where the camera is zooming through these miniatures to go into this guy's apartment window and You know the movie could have been satisfied by just you know going out on the street and doing a static Establishing shot of a building yeah, yeah, and no one would be any of the wiser throw it

You know, yeah throw in the Se Seinfeld baseline right in there. Yeah, you got an intro. The movie is like, no, we got to swoop through these skyscrapers. Dan, Dan, they want to get across the excitement, the enthusiasm, the exuberance of Newark, New Jersey, which is, you know, it's the hottest city on the East Coast, as you know. And as a New Jersey boy, I was like, finally, Newark is getting its due. Small quibble, 11.30 p.m pm at New York, New Jersey is actually two hours before the events

we just saw in California at 10.10 pm. Again, this seems to exist in a world where there are no time zones. And it's the same time everywhere in the world, and that really threw me off. As we'll see, as we go on time, it took us out of our position. Yeah, after I was like, zarkour, puppet it took the out of the proposition. It yeah, it after after real I was like Zarkor puppet monster that walks out of a mountain I totally buy it. And destroys a very realistic looking mountain town. Yeah, Newark New Jersey looks totally like a real miniature

city. I am buying this 1130 hold on a second hold on. I found the one plot hole in Zarkor the invader. And this is where we're introduced to our hero right Tommy, the postal worker who watches cartoons at night. Yes, it's 1130 at night. He is still in his postal worker uniform. So either he's leaving to work the night shift or that's the only clothing he owns because he's one uniform, like a cartoon character.

Which makes sense because he's watching cartoons on his TV in his kitchen when a tiny woman materializes on the counter and tells him that she is a mental project. Sorry. So Audrey bought me this little soundboard for Christmas and I thought that you know, just to spice things up, make things a little more like a morning zoo crew. Well, you know, just toss in a few little drops every once in a while. Sure.

Yeah, give us another drop. Yeah, so it's so let's let me reset you up So a tiny woman who is an alien materializes in his apartment Wait So she fell off a cliff You know, I don't know how she materialized there. So Dan, she jumps into a portal. When she gave you this, did she say this ought to spice things up a little bit? Because you might be using it wrong. I don't know.

I think I know what you're implying. I'm not quite sure how that would work. I mean, I assume that this is Dan and I don't want to air your dirty laundry on the podcast, too much in public. But I have to assume that a lot of your love play involves you being the wolf from a texay every cartoon. I mean, that is kind of my personality to some degree, but yeah, I don't think it's not integrated, let's say. Yeah, you think you're some kind of a beast and partially in the shape of a man forced to wear a man's clothing, but deep down you're a boiling, with an ice-out of constant sexual energy,

painful eyes from all the popping that happens. Certainly, I mean. It must hurt. And when your head turns into a steam whistle, that can't feel good. Well, anyway, I'm gonna set this soundboard aside for just a second, and then, you know, like every once in a while, maybe it'll come back.

I don't know. Sounds great. I love it. I mean, we have been talking, you know, we've been doing this show for a little while now, guys, and we've been talking about ways to spice things up. And I think this is a step in the right direction, Tana. I like it.

I just wanted to be proactive, guys. Yeah. You're picking up stones and seeing what's underneath. Yeah. And as often happens, you find great things when you pick up a stone and look what's underneath. Yeah. It's rare the times that I've picked up a stone and looked underneath and not been like, this is good, I'm glad I found this.

Yeah, I've been playing a lot of legend of Zelda and a lot of times when I pick up stones there's just like rupees sitting there and I'm like, okay. Guess I'm going to India. So anyway, the, so this tiny woman materializes and tells him, I'm a mental projection from a superior alien race. We have set a monster, a zarkor, to destroy the earth unless you can stop him. It's a test of humanity. And we picked you because you are the most middling, non-exciting, average man out there.

And his response is, his immediate response is, okay, just kind of a little resigned. And I wish they had run with that because then he's like, wait, wait, this is crazy. But I love the idea of somebody being told that and just being like, okay, what do I do? Yeah, I mean he certainly has a put upon, he has a certain put upon energy when explained that he is the only one who can stop them.

In fact, we have one of my favorite line readings in the movie. How in God's name am I supposed to fight 180 foot dinosaur? How am I supposed to fight 180 foot dinosaur now? Well, I just like that Stuart noticed Dan's soundboard game and decided to immediately obliterate him by taking it to the third level. Oh. Oh. Wow. Was that one by? Yeah.

He was saving that one for a big slam-oo moment. So the, so this alien who is, is basically like a, if that alien that talks of Fred Flintstone was played by Amy Dolan's from Great Gazew character. Yeah. And if you mix the Great Gazew with Christina Applegate from Mary with Children and you get this character.

Yeah, and there's a moment where he's like, why do you look the way you look? And she's like, well, the alien intelligence is trying to try to come up with a form that you find the least intimidating. I'm like guys a that if you think that a guy like him is not intimidated by young, scanely, clad women, you are wrong my friend. Very good point. Very good point. What you're saying is that's the compensation.

Yeah, you're right. So she can crawl so that night while he's sleeping she can just crawl into his mouth and pull all his teeth out. That's the compensation. Yeah, you're right. So she can cross so that night while he's sleeping, she can just crawl into his mouth and pull all his teeth out. That's pretty scary. Now I was even need all those teeth for that's a good question. Is she going to use it like it as an auto-minor something? Maybe she's she knows the monster from the first season of Channel Zero. And she's, and she's trying to replenish his body. Yeah. So she also, she also tells him she informs him also that life has no meaning and there's

no life after death. That was great. I love that. Yeah. He accepts that pretty, pretty easily. Now, this notion of him being like the absolute mean human being, the middle of the road. By meaning, mean average, not like, oh, errrr, yes, not like a bully. Well, he says he's the mean later.

I should, so I use that term, but I guess it was confusing. This notion of him, I also, I think that's his rap name, the mean. But him being the most average person on Earth. Now, I feel like maybe I've seen this in science fiction before this notion. I don't know where though, but I did like it. I did like the idea of, I thought it was kind of fun, this alien race testing humanity by choosing

the most average person. Yeah. And it also, the way he behaves, if he is the most average, man, woof. Well, that's the, I was like, oh, holding humanity to a pretty low bar, if this is the average, because his, his plan is to go kidnap somebody basically. I love it. They turn on the news and the news is interviewing a pretty cryptos, aologist named Stephanie Martin, but the news anchor does not,

it's not really interested in Stephanie's answers and keeps cutting her off. Yeah. Because she's bored by what she's saying. And she's basically like, sorry, I missed it. What was that one, Dan? Sorry, I thought this was appropriate at that time.

Whatever. Whatever. I want you to, Dan, like, hold up a finger so that I know to pause when the next time is coming. So I can enjoy it so much. And the tiny lady is like, hey, write all this down. Zarkour can't be beaten by earth weapons, including swords, which is around the swords, which I found amazing.

But there are things on earth that you can use to stop him. And Zarkour is keyed to you, so he's going to travel across the country to you and kill you, and you've got to stop him. But here's a hint Zarkour contains the key to his own destruction and you better act fast Tommy And then she disappears and we never see her again in the film which is too bad because I like that great gazoo type chemistry Yeah, well I I mean she talks about how he's the only one who can see her because She's projecting into his mind And so I assumed that she would come back later on.

And that would be like a plot point that like, he's the only one who can see her and everyone thinks he's crazy. I like the point when this very average man, when she's explaining the rules of the movie to him. He's like, you might want to get a pencil and paper and he's like, oh, do I have to? How about I just use a tape recorder?

And she's like, of course, that wouldn't work because only you can hear me in it. Yeah, the other. But she does not become part of his team of heroes that he assembles. So Zarkour, meanwhile, in between most of the Tommy scenes is just footage of Zarkour stomping around different towns, blowing up miniatures, just get assumed that every time we're not watching Tommy, we're watching Zarkour just kind of like making his way across the country in the dark. It's always nighttime wherever Zarkwara is. It's never daytime. Perhaps he brings a plague of darkness with him. A cloud covering up. Blots out the life giving sun. But more likely, they just didn't think

that much about it. And the darkness really hides the fact that it's like a puppet suit that they're using. I, okay. I would assume. So anyway, 133 AM, Tommy for some reason has taken two hours to get his act together and go on down to the news station so that he can essentially like go find the cryptosoologist. This takes the form of him creeping her out and ends with her, him in a standoff holding a gun to her with the security guards. Yeah, I kind of loved this development because it was like, okay, you're gonna save the world. Like this guy immediately gets himself

into a hostage situation. Yeah. It's kind of, it reminds me a lot of like, the times that I've seen an intricately plotted role playing game and the characters immediately like get themselves into deep shit by doing something dumb. Like, 30 minutes into this movie, we're in like a tense hostage situation. Like, man, this is not going to help them stop. It's our core.

No, and I have to admit, at the time I was like, come on, dude. But then I started thinking about it and was like, well, what would I do in that situation? I don't know. Could I have come up with a better plan than try to kidnap a cryptozoologist on TV? Probably not. What this also implies is that the new station just has her on call at the studio all night to cover. I guess during their live coverage of the Zarkour invasion as he walks across the town. I mean, that's the life of a cryptozoologist. I like that the security guards are like, he's like, you can't take me to jail and they're like, yeah, we can't, we're just security guards.

But we have guns and we can kill you. Yeah. They're not great security guards. There's one that really wants to be a martyr and keeps saying, just let me, just take me out, just let me go and get him. And the soundtrack of the movie, this is a problem it has with the film.

Can't decide whether this was to be a tense scene or a goofy scene. The music is like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom boom it gets kind of Mickey Mousey sometimes, but how you get that full moon flavor, baby. But I also kind of like it. And I looked it up, it's by Charles Bands' brother who did almost all of the full moon stuff, including Castle Freak and he did the music. Oh, Castle Freak never heard of it from the on. He did the music for reanimator.

Yeah. And you'd understand he's good at the family, he's good at this, he's got band in his name. Yeah. Music is in his blood. Yeah. One million band. I'm looking now, he did and ahead of the family. He's good at this. He's got banned in his name. He's good. He's in his blood. Yeah. One main band. I'm looking now he did all four of the time warrior movies.

So he ends up taking the cryptozoologist at gun point into the bathroom. And then like two cops show up and he somehow manages to convince one of the cops to put a gun on his partner who he describes as like a brother to him. Yeah, so this is one of the cops is a UFO guy already. And he's like, oh, see, this all makes sense. Cattle mutilation, crop circles, it's all been there. And so this cop is like, you know what? I'll help. other cops name is George

And he handcuffs the other cop and they go on the run and this is why I mean Thomas an average guy But you know what? George he's kind of an average guy too and there's kind of like an average guy understanding between the two of them And so that's why he's like I can see into a soul Meanwhile again, Zarkor he shows us now that he has eye lasers, he's just blowing stuff up. And our heroes are in the cop car and they listen to a radio report of Zarakor defeating the Air Force. So nothing can stop him. There's nothing. They Tommy finally convinces Stephanie to help. That's the cryptosoologist. And the three of them hide the squad car in what

the Kyron describes as the warehouse district, New Jersey, 617 AM. Now here's two things I love about that. One, they must have been driving around for like three hours. Two, so this is the warehouse district for the whole state, because usually like a city has a warehouse district. I assume by warehouse district for New Jersey, they just mean the northern half of the state since the southern half is for the normal.

Or a camping. It could be the city of Camden, that's true. Yeah, but as a New Jersey guy, I was like, yeah, I guess the New Jersey is kind of the warehouse district for the entire country, but the specificity of it I liked. Anyway, they argue a lot. And Stephanie is like, I know someone who can help us.

And this is when maybe my least and most favorite character in the movie decides to make his entrance now. What was his name? I don't remember it was but this is the wheelchair-bound nerd hacker. He does not like that term. No, he doesn't like the term hacker. He refers to himself a cyberknot. He has a nervous laugh and is constantly talking. He's very much the Elliott Kalin of this movie, which means he is very annoying, but he's also like, he's got some serious walking Phoenix vibes here. But he's also like a creep. So he's like, oh, did Stephanie tell you,

she lost her virginity during English teacher, they talked about it on the phone. I recorded it and it's like, oh, you're a maniac, like you're a terrible person. But this guy, he really choose the scenery and he decides he's gonna get them some information by hacking into government weather satellites. This takes roughly what half the movie

that they're just hanging around in his lab and he's just hacking. Like, what's going on with that? I personally thought that this movie had like a promising beginning. I was thinking like, oh, this is kind of fun. You know, like I like the the notion of this guy being, you know, chosen to prove that humanity should still exist. And then they go to

this place and they're just hanging around this computer guy and I'm just like, okay, well I'm losing interest rapidly movie. Can you do something? Yeah, the movie begins almost like a Jerry forward episode of Rick and Morty. Yeah. And then, but they get, they really hold up at this place for a long time. Eventually, they somehow, and I couldn't quite follow their logic, decide that the monsters made out of laser light and therefore must have

an off switch. They all just kind of accept this and run with it. Yeah, I don't know about the laser light part. I don't know how they figure that. But like the off switch thing, the notion I guess is that was the code. The like the monster holds the defeat within itself. And because he is the most average person in the world, like this is just dumb enough, but just clever enough, an idea that he would come up with it. Is there logic, I guess? Maybe. I don't know. It's one of those things that they're like, we've got to find

the off switch. Instead, they end up finding some other thing. Like it's not really an off switch. Well, I don't know how you turn your TV off. I usually refocus its eye lasers back on itself. Yeah. I don't know if that was the most appropriate one. I mean, you should probably save that for when Zarkar gets defeated. No, no, that's pretty soon, because there's not a lot that happens in the movie. And the movie is only an hour and 15.

It's a sweet 75 minute sweet spot. So anyway, there's a lot of mumbo jumbo and radar hacking and they find out we got to go to a small town in Arizona called Williston, Arizona. They fly there because despite the monster on the loose destroying the country, there are still regular flights from Newark to Arizona to Phoenix, or was it Phoenix that they went to

and then they had a rental car or something. It's infrastructure is still working fine. They go there and everyone at this town has been waiting around for some government people to deal with this little flying saucer that crashed into the local diner. It's a little bitty. It looks like a webber, one of those little webber grills, when you get when you have an apartment and you're just going to grill on the patio. And they, and they show up wearing suits. So everybody assumes their government agents. Yeah. And you have to assume that they were like, oh, here comes the men in black, Galaxy

defenders. Here come the M.I.Bs, here come the M.I.Bs. Yep. And you have to assume that they were like, oh, here comes the men in black, galaxy defenders. Here come the M.I.Bs, here come the M.I.Bs. Yep. The forget me knots. Exactly. I like this too. The notion that this whole town was like, like when they showed up like finally, like they've been expecting them, but it's a case of mistakenly any of that was going on.

And they're wearing suits now because the nerd goes, hey, while I'm looking up this stuff, go take them to get some clothes since it's you, a mailman and a police officer, and you're not gonna get too far in those uniforms, and they had the opportunity for a shopping montage, and they did not take it. And I am very disappointed. Yeah, I do love that the costume in this movie

feels a little bit like they just went to like, whatever central casting, like warehouse they could find. And they're like, well, we have this postal worker uniform. So you're gonna be a post office guy. Yeah. Because he never, aside from picking up one of those postal bins to get into the TV studio when he first goes to meet Stephanie, it doesn't do anything that he needs to be a mailman.

Or a postal worker. So you wanted him to use this special mailman powers to defeat. I mean, if I wanted there to be a part where it's like, oh, what's in this Arizona town? Oh, Williston, Arizona. Oh, yeah, that zip code, Dada, Dada, Dada. There's a special mail route that goes there. Or, for instance, what if he's like, I'll disguise myself as a letter, mail myself to Zarkhor.

Zarkhor will open me. I'll jump out and then I'll catch him in a bag, just like livestock and barrels with sand claws. Is it a flat Stanley situation you're talking about? Or... I'll jump out and then I'll catch him in a bag just like livestock and barrels with sand claws. Flat Stanley situation you're talking about or I think it would have well before that he'd have to use a steam roller to flatten himself. A lot Kevin Klein at the end of a fish called Wanda. So he could fit into that envelope.

Yeah, or a judge to him. He's not so much flattened. It's just pushed down into some cement. Okay, then a judge doom sneer. Thank you Stewart for correcting me. Yeah. Or if there is a moment where like, he had to like get to Zarkor, but the only way he could do is get past like a dog. And he's like, oh no, my greatest enemy, the dog.

I would love that. Or if it was like, so I don't have a dog on there. Now, Dan, I think as you may remember from our cat's episode, Judy D'Angelo told us cats are not dogs. Oh, I'm sorry. That's just go check out the cat's episode, Smiley and Stan.

So anyway, yeah, or if there was a part where they were like, no one can get past it. He's creating hail, rain, snow, and dark of night. And he'd be like, none of those things will stay me from my point of view. Yeah, I'll like that one. Yeah. I'm just saying make the most of it.

The cop, they use a lot of his stuff. He has a gun. He handcuffs his partner. And then later on, for'm right, I like that one. Yeah. I'm just saying make the most of it. The cop, they use a lot of his stuff. He has a gun, he handcuffs his partner, and then later on, for one minute, he becomes very religious when they show up at the tower and I didn't really understand that. But anyway, they find this crash-low flying saucer, and they just... Well, it's kind of like the movie signs, Ellie.

It shows like that the difference, like faith, you know, it's the same, no matter what you have faith in, you know? Whether it's like magic or like faith, you know, it's the same no matter what you have faith in, you know, whether it's like magic or like coincidence or whether it's water killing aliens or something. Oh yeah, yeah, sure, any of those things. And also, I mean, aliens are out in space so they're closer to heaven, right?

That's actually true, yep, technically true. Just having is not a place on earth despite what the song says. No, and hell not a place on earth despite what the song says. No, and hell is not for children despite what that song says. So there's a lot of misperceptions about heaven and hell out there. Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens though. I'm told. Uh, I mean, that is something I have heard, but I don't know it for sure. I've also heard that there's a highway to hell, but I haven't seen it.

I've also heard life is a highway. Oh wow. I mean, to be honest, life, if you do it the wrong way, is a highway to hell, I assume. If there is such a thing. Now, I'm the right way. I don't know. I've heard that you could also walk on sunshine,

so maybe there's a highway to heaven too. But I also heard that children shouldn't play with dead things. Yeah. And this is the anti-ru. Guys, I want to give you some directions. Okay, you want to avoid the highway to hell. Don't take that exit. That highway goes to the danger zone. You don't want to deal with that. No, no, no, stick to this one. The highway to heaven. I also heard that, uh, don't tell mom the babysitter's dad. You heard that. But don't, but don't tell her it's me also don't tell her it's me aka my boyfriend school. Yeah. Okay, but guys, but guys, but guys, who's Harry Chrome?

Time to end one more question for you. One more question. Okay. What about Bob? Okay. All right. Sorry. What sound was that? That was an oh yeah, like a sort of a bomp bomp.

Oh, like the song by Yellow. As seen in the Twix commercials, Smiley and Stan. Anyway, the heroes take this little flying saucer and Tommy is like, we got a head straight to Zarkour. And the- Exactly. Like an old time, you construction workers hat, but real big. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so let's describe this flying saucer. It's like a, it's like a, I couldn't tell, at one point they're free to do it as a sphere, but I thought it was just like a dome. Yeah, like a weird plate. And they say that the, that it's, that that diamonds won't scratch it which is weird that this dude found it and he's like I'm gonna start rubbing diamonds on this They're like it's what I think is they're like they're like diamonds won't scratch it look at this Nothing yet through it and they're like did you try to open it up and it's like yeah, dude That's how we figured out the information we just gave you I think the heroes are not really paying attention at that point. So

they're going to go to where Zarkour is. They encounter a roadblock and they try to bluff their way through it, which does not work at all. George, the policeman is like, hey, my mom's in there. I got to go find her. That was, that was great. That was great. It was terrible. It was such a like a fuck up. It was awesome. Yeah, and the guys like everyone's been evacuated Which is not true because when Tommy finds himself in the town There's people running around but Tommy is like super intense. He's almost in a trance now Yeah, as if he's come to accept the importance of his mission and that he really is the only one who can save the world from Zarkor uh-huh guys. Did you feel like he like suddenly started taking things seriously? Oh, yeah

He certainly stepped up his game. And there's a moment where he, he's so, he, he is a plan and he's like, okay, I got this guys. Trust me. And George, like nods said, he's like, sure, time he's got this. And then like, Stephanie in the back, their name Stephanie, right? Yeah, Stephanie. She's in the back seat, like, kind of takes a second looking at both of them. She's like, uh, do you have a plan? Like, I do like that she is the, she is clearly much more intelligent than these two guys and is just being dragged around by these two maniacs.

Yeah, it takes her a long time to get on board with their saving the world's idea, which, to be honest, again, if I was in her position, I gotta say, it would take me a while to come around to it. It would not be a George and just be like, yeah, that makes sense. I'd be a Stephanie. I don't think she did. She did have a gun held like she did have a crazy guy show up at a new station post post

office workers. I don't think she's so much against the idea of saving the world, but the methodology is kind of her. No, no, no, no. She's like tear it all down. It's time to restart from the beginning. Yeah, this place is too corrupt. She's a real walking Phoenix and Joker.

It's the second time we've mentioned it in this movie. She's got a tape deck keyed up to, what is that wave of mutilation to play as the whole world collapses? I thought you're gonna say rock and roll number two. I mean, you're making a fight club reference. It's, where's my mind? Oh, where's my mind?

Thank you. Oh, yeah, that reminds me, dude, where's my car? Oh. I love movies whose titles are quite similar. Marks. Because it's like the movie maker is saying, I can only promise you that the movie will answer this one question. If you were wondering, if you're so dumb that when you watch a movie you're having trouble

figuring out what the characters want to find out. Let me just put it in the title so that you know for sure. Yeah, it's like how my friend Alejandro was saying that the cover of every book should ask a question that only the interior can answer. And that's kind of what the question as a movie title does. Like, who is Harry Kram? I don't fucking know. He stuck to a window.

That's bad. That's it. That's all you never know about him. Yeah, it was like the title of hot dog. Is it movie? Is it sky? Is it John Candy? I don't know.

Doesn't say so on the cover. Do you think there's some guy when who's Harry Krum walked out, passed by the poster and was like, I don't fucking know, don't ask me, dude. Yeah. Just like, because at the time also, everyone was talking about who's Harry Krum.

Who's Harry Krum was on everybody's lips. So you think he was constantly being like, why I don't wanna try to ask who Harry Krum is? I don't know, and eventually it drove him insane. I mean, that was my reaction to meet Joe Black. I'm like, what if I don't wanna? Don't tell me what to do. You're not like dad movie. Yeah, I feel like I feel like every movie that is just the the the name of the main character

It should have meat Meat citizen cane Meat Nell Meat Huffa Yeah, I'm a meat sofa. But then the movie Dave would be called Meat Dave, which is already a movie. We've got a problem. No, no, no. How do I untangle this?

Okay, we got to work our way backwards. Yeah, if you call it meat, meat, Dave, you're just saying like you got to meet the movie like you're holding up a DVD like me Yeah, but but wait a movie's not a person right so you can't do that No, but there are some movies that have the name of a person. Yeah. Oh, I'm so confused Man, what and so you'd have a movie called meat Aaron Brockovich, which makes sense Yeah, then what about a movie called like what if was like, meet Zoro and you'd be like, wait, but Zoro, he's a guy, but he's not a real, he's a fictional character.

But what if it was a movie that was called meet, meet, and the movie's about meet, or stand. Or meet midnight meet train and you're like, oh my God, I don't know. Wait, I gotta get this. You're running in a hominem problem. I'm just talking about before. I gotta go meet this train at midnight.

Like, I'm gonna be sleeping. Yeah, I'm busy feeling Minnesota right now. I can't do that. How many problems are you talking about before? I gotta go meet this train at midnight? Like, I'm gonna be sleeping. Yeah, I'm busy feeling Minnesota right now. I can't do that. What a dumb name. Okay, guys, long story short. Actually, very short story and a little bit shorter because the movie is not very long.

Tommy just drives through this roadblock after his friend's get out of the car. He runs into town and the monster shoots his labor, lasers at him. He holds up the saucer like Jason with his shield. Uh-huh. Uh-uh, no, not Jason. I'm sorry. Like Percy's with his shield. With like, Percy is reflecting the eye beams of Medusa. He reflects Zarkor's eye lasers back on him. Zarkor is destroyed.

And Tommy wakes up in a hospital. What was that? Sorry, hold on. No! Says goal. Oh. I just guess, you know, his aim was to go, I think you know this is this. All right, hold on.

This bit is over except for I do have to before I retire it. There's a sign effect that's listed as twaddle. And I just got to see what that is. So hold on. TAT-TOM-TIL-TOM! Oh, that's good. No, that's pretty great. All right, sure.

So now that's that. Dan's making a note on the device. He's writing, use only for love play. That OK. I have a card here where I've been ranking the sounds. I think twattles at the top. Yeah, it's just, yeah, just upset the whole rankings. Now, the thing is, you may guys may not know this.

I don't need a portable sound board because I have one. It's called Sammy Kaelin, six year old. And he'll just walk around going, boom, boom, boom, boom. Well. Yeah, you're pushing for him to be one of the cast in police academy kids, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's called.

It's called the Michael Winsleta role. It's called police academy junior. And it's they're all the kids of the characters from the previous police academy. And there's no reason Sammy can't be Michael Winslow's son. Come on. And so I think there's like a little high tower who's really short That's the joke is that that's hilarious. She's really short for a name is high tower. And then there's

Bobcat Goldtwait's characters whose name Bob Kitten. Yeah, and there's I don't remember the names the other characters There's no lady who's real tough. There's Steve Gutenberg My own ears. Yeah, my honey who's real tough. There's Steve Gutenberg, here's Mahoney. Yeah, Mahoney. Tacoberry. Oh, so Tacoberry, their kid is like, uh, He does always like this.

Yeah, he's fast, yeah. No, no, hates guns and is really into collectible card games. And, and is always like, and also apps within app purchases. So Tacoberry is like, I can't afford this on a policeman's salary. You're buying all this Minecraft stuff in the app and it's like, and whatever, it's not real money. It's like, guess it is real money. This is terrifying.

Yeah, Elliot, I want to just rewind a moment though. Now this high-tower child, you said the thing is that she's really short. Now is it particularly funny that a child is small because it is my experience that most children are actually short. That's the point. Well, there is that is fair that children are naturally shorter than adults. Yes. There's also a height as you, I mean, heights not binary.

Height is a is a very fluid. Right. So you're saying that this, this child can be as small as like the character in this movie, the alien intelligence maybe. I mean, children can be as small as a single cell, really early on, when they're just starting. Yeah, apparently according to some online resource, my friend's child is about the size of a jinchilla growing inside of her stomach.

Not as soft though. If you touch that growing baby, it would be real Iki sticky and not at all soft Cool. Thank you for warning. I was about to yeah, I don't know much of I don't know much about children I just know as stewards said earlier. They shouldn't play with dead things. Yep. I mean that kind of goes for everybody right? Well, Martitians, yeah, we have people we're playing with dead things We would have like all of our medical advancements and human history think about What plays to find out about it. Yeah, I would call that work.

But you know, I guess if you love your job, you never work a day in your life. So there's some more teachings like. Yeah, the Victor Frankenstein story. There's some more Titian who has an assistant and then new body comes in and he goes, it's play time and the assistant is like, I want to work somewhere else.

Yeah. So he's like, I wanna work somewhere else. Yeah. So that's- He's like, I thought this was just a job where I got to eat sandwiches. Mm-hmm. The guys, okay, let's just throw out that myth right now. In every movie, the guy doing the autopsy is always eating a sandwich.

And I'm offended by that. I have a full three-course Italian meal. That's right, there's a pasta course, there's a meat course, and then a meat course and then a cheese course Every time I'm autopsying a body. I won't settle for a regular sandwich So would you like more? Rig it. Would you like more lasagna bolanes while you're cutting open that corpse and he's gonna be like, uh, I don't know if I want any No, no, you should have some. It's it's delicious. Yeah, and then maybe like how about these seven fishes would you like some of those?

So it's a whole piece of the seven fishes time that they've got work to do, huh? Yeah So anyway, there's the ending of this movie There's two minutes or so left Tommy wakes up in a hospital He's now famous everybody loves him and the reporter from earlier is like there Even some people who want you to run for president and he he goes, okay, and that's how the movie ends, with the promise of a Tommy Third Party campaign for president on the Zarkour killing platform. And then there's a really rockin' song over the credits

about Zarkour, like I love any movie that has a song about the main character or the monster, and this one takes itself, this one's having fun, but it takes itself seriously. It is not telling jokes about Zarkor. It is warning you through the medium of rock and roll about Zarkor. Yeah, Dan was singing his favorite theme song

that mentions the main character that played over the credits of Meet Joe Black. Do you want to sing a couple bars of that, Dan? That's like, he goes, he's really death, death in human form. Meet Joe Black, meet Joe Black. That's pretty good. That's what was going on.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. name to describe death to his kids and they're like what's his name? He has a name right? Yeah it's and I remember a Konoa Brian did a bit where when the movie came out where they just were looping that moment over and over again pretty much or re-editing it so it stretched on for like a minute of him not being able to come up with the name. It was really funny. Funny stuff.

It was a, yeah. Okay. It was a funny thing. Funny bit. So, Zarkware, guys. Uh. Final Jesuments. Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie kind of like?

Elliot, what are we going to say? Guys, I'm going to admit it. This is a movie. I kind of liked for three main reasons. One, I love giant monster movies and I love giant monster movies where the special effects are not amazing. Like, to be honest, I would rather watch the Zarkwore the invader than Godzilla, the most recent one.

What was it called? Was it called Godzilla? King of the monsters? Yeah. Yeah, I would rather watch this than that. But also, it was kind of like a goofy movie that had a few fun, genuinely funny ideas and moved along fast.

And guys, it's so short. There's something. Yeah, that's an hour 20. There's really something joyous about starting a movie and being like, oh, I'm gonna finish this kind of before I realize I'm watching it. Yeah, that's why I was so excited what I'm like. We're half an hour into this 75 minute movie

and there's still in a hostage situation in a TV station. Yeah, so. I feel like they knew exactly what kind of movie they were making and they made it and I enjoyed it. But what did you guys think? Yeah, what do you think? Yeah, I'm kind of in the same boat.

I might lean more toward like a good bad movie. I think it's fun to watch with people. I mean, I had fun watching it by myself, but you know, if you know, if you're comfortable with yourself, like you can have a good time just by yourself. You know what I mean, Dan? I have a good time by myself all the time. Oh, also.

Oh, damn. Wait a minute. Oh, also. Oh, Dan. Wait a minute. Oh, Dan. So, no, no, I'm with Stuart in that. I think it's kind of between a movie, kind of like, kind of good bad. However, I don't know. I really wished I had been watching it with other people. As it was at an hour 20, I was kind of like,

okay, this could be half as long because the middle sags a lot. I would say you know like it's not streaming for free anywhere you have yeah like I had to pay to rent it and I wouldn't necessarily recommend anyone do that but no I agree I agree I don't think it's worth it. It might be a hell to kick in a five cents so each one. I mean it's I think it's streaming for free on the full moon video app Okay, so if you already subscribed to full moon video, then yeah, there you go Cool so that was final judgments there were things you could put in your eyeballs and your ear holes than this movie.

Like needles. Yeah. That goes without saying, Dan, why would you even suggest that? I do suggest that you suggested it. I was talking about like, I don't know, other movies. What about those weird little candles that you burned to burn off on your earwaves? I mean, don't put them in your eyes. You don't have IWax?

That's crazy. Talk to me about what I have. That's okay, fair point. Sorry, Dad, I didn't mean to judge. Maybe your eyes are full of wax. Hey, J.K. Hey, Helen. I hear you have a true false quiz you want me to finish.

I do. Here we begin. We host a trivia game show podcast on the Max Fun Network called Go Factor Self. True. Correct. The show is all about celebrity guests answering trivia questions about things J.K.

Thin Joys. False? We sometimes don't talk about baseball or cats. Thank God. It's questions about things they enjoy. Next, we bring on surprise experts every episode. True. Correct.

Final question. It's just the two of us sitting alone with these guests. False. Correct. We have a live audience at the Angel City Brewery. See? You can hear and go fact yourself every first and third Friday of the month. And if you don't listen, you can go fact yourself.

True. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. I'm Judge John Hodgman. You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my internet court at the Judge

John Hodgman podcast. I hear their cases, I ask them questions, they're good ones, and then I tell them who's right and who's wrong. Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire one of the worst dad jokes of all time. Instead of cutting his own hair with a flow bee, my husband has his hair cut professionally. I have to join a community theater group. And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals. It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFund.org or wherever you download podcasts. Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

Let's move on to our sponsor this week. Now of course the flat house is largely sponsored in part by listeners like you and in March the Max Fund drive will be coming up. We don't need to talk about that just yet. It is also sponsored in part by Squarespace. which is a company that allows you to make websites. Well, there's not allow you to make website. You know, like, you can make a website. You have, you know, need squarespace's permission, man, get off my back, Squarespace.

Yeah, it will help you. It will assist you in the making of a website. If you are not a programmer, if you not know HTML, this is a very convenient way of doing it. It'll allow you to blog or publish content. So products and services of all kinds and much, much more by giving you beautiful customizable templates created by world class designers, everything optimized for mobile right out of the box. A lot of people are going to be looking at your website on an iPhone or other smartphone. I wouldn't, I'm sorry for you shilling for Apple, any phone.

Yeah, any kind of phone. You know, any kind of website will look good. Not a burn burner phone though. No, no, no, no. Or a rotary phone. Yeah, or hopefully not one of those exploding Samsung's either. Not a, not a exploding Samsung. But it's a good way.

Dan, it sounds like you're still talking down Apple's rivals. Don't mention brands of phones. Yeah, well anyway, it's a new way to buy domains, choose from over 200 extensions, free and secure hosting. Go to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code, a flop, just save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now, Dan, I had an idea for a website and I was wondering if Squarespace could help me. Probably, but I'm not gonna listen

because I gotta go pee. You talk about it. I mean, you can tell me or we can just pause the recording. Nope, I mean, I could, nope. Okay, I'll tell Stuart, because Dan had to announce his being. So anyway, I mean, now I want listeners to go back and listen to the last 10, 15 minutes

of the show, knowing that Dan had to pee probably that whole time. And see like, what does it make you think about the way he's saying? Does it add a little bit of extra meaning or a frizz on to it? Is it like, it looks like a Harold Pinter thing. It's about what he's not saying. What he's not saying is he has to urinate. His bladder is filling with liquid to the point where his body needs to release it.

And he's not gonna do that just sitting next to Stuart in his living room or is he? I mean, maybe. You know, what was that website idea yet? I kind of want to save it till day end comes back, but I guess I'll tell you that. No, so my idea was we all love parkour, right? I do, certainly. It's a way to get through urban environments without just walking around.

But it's been so long that we've had parkour and it's time for new development. What about a new way to get around or through the bodies of monsters? I call it Zarkour. Okay. It's a way to like travel up and down a monster in just imaginative ways, using like natural handholds and not just walking around. So anyway. It's kind of like shadow of the colossus, basically.

Yeah, I guess that's a way to put it. So I wanted to do a website called zarkware.org. This is a nonprofit that shows people and helps connect people who have an interest, shows people how to climb around monsters and connects people who have a shared interest in climbing around monsters. And there's a dating aspect of it too, because it's hard to find someone who's also interested

in climbing around monsters to share a life with or even just to have some fun with. So anyway, that's zarkour.org, a nonprofit about monster-based parkour and perhaps romantic opportunities at price. How are you going to monetize this L.A.? Is it going to be like a subscription-based service, or is it mainly going to be like a shop element where you sell branded merchandise? Now again, it is a non-profit. So everything we make gets poured right back into mapping

monsters and coming up with new ways to get around them and climb up or through them or over them. But we would make money. We would sell branded merchandise, and we'd also have a donor page. We'll of course be reaching out to corporate sponsors and grants from places like the Ford Foundation to make sure that we can get that money together

because there's a whole world of monsters that need climbing on out there. And it's a whole world of lonely people who like climbing on monsters who need to be connected whether that's for a casual encounter or something a little more formal. There's no strings attached when you're climbing a monster. We're looking at a string attached to the monster while you're climbing.

I mean, I wouldn't call that Zarkor though. That's more kind of old-fashioned monster climbing. Zarkor is all handholds or footholds. You're not attached to anything. And you're looking for what is the most interesting route around or through this monster. Yep. And your friends can stand and tick-tock you while you're doing it. Oh, for sure.

We actually have another app that you shoot videos with called ZickSock. And it's like, it's for monster climbing, but it's these little videos that you make. Yeah. Okay, well, I'm back, so let's move on. Hey, hey, we're doing a live show in Toronto on April 18th. Wow. It's part of the What the Film Festival. We're doing a live show in Toronto on April 18th. Wow. It's part of the What the Film Festival.

Uh-huh. And we're going to be putting up a ticket link on our website, flopphousepodcast.com slash events, right Dan? We will. Yes, I will get on that the moment I remember to do so. And a little closer to the hopefully person. A little closer to the actual event we will announce the movie that we are going to be reviewing for that show,

either on Twitter, well probably on Twitter and on Facebook, you know, something like that. And on this very show, likely. Oh, most likely. I'd also like to take a moment and plug a friend's business. This Toronto show was helped in part by my friend's travel agency. It's a small travel agency called Huckleberry Travel. They've been friends of the show for a while

and they've certainly helped with my and Dan's travel. And we went to it all. We went on Alaska cruise together, Stuart and I and some others. And they did such a hands-on Travel agent jobs. They actually came along on the cruise with us now. They won't do that I think for you the listener. I don't know. Maybe if you're trip super badass So yeah check out huckleberry travel dot com

Once a friend a friend of mine and I went on a trip on a log raft down the Mississippi River and they really helped us with it I'll go to a travel And of course we're gonna try and do we hope to do a ton more live shows this coming year where we're I mean Not a ton, no not a ton, but or no two thousand pounds worth of live shows We're working With our booking agent to range a lot more shows, so we may be coming near you. Who knows?

I would also say, if you are managed or own a venue, and you'd be interested in us coming by, why not reach out to us, either through our website or on Twitter or through our Facebook page, and let us know if you think you would have interest in having the flop house come to your venue. We'd love to get a sense of what's out there, but where we'll be for sure is in Toronto April 18th at the What the Film Fest. Yeah, no, no Texas Chainsaw Maskers, please. Don't invite us to do a show and then murder us. Oh, man, or invite us to do a show and it turns out it's like a weird, gross town that has

a roller coaster that strips the flesh off of people's bones. Oh, that actually, that actually sounds pretty good. No. Was Leatherface inviting that van of kids to do a show? Was that what was happening? Yeah, yeah, that's well. I mean, his brother is the one who kind of invites him when he gets in the back of the thing and starts acting on bonkers.

Yeah. The hitchhiker, eventually named Choptop. Yeah. Okay. Now, actually, I'm sure, I guess you guys don't realize that. sacked on uh... bonkers the hitchhiker eventually named chopped up yeah okay now uh... what actually i i'm sure i guess you guys don't realize that that movie was the first south west okay that was the first of us out west west was a handful of kids getting killed by leather

the wall of the not all the kids key i killed one got away that's your one guy and she was like i went to this amazing festival and that's just work yellow and less, I mean, still by the end of the fire festival, weird. Yeah, yeah. Now, unless there are any more objections from the floor, we're gonna move on to letters.

Oh, letterbag. Letters from listeners. Listeners like you, this first letter is from Brendan Lasting with Held, who says, Good afternoon, flopsters. I recently attended the judge, it is the afternoon. How did he know? Who knows?

Who's his source? He could be outside the apartment right now. Yeah, he's standing over Dan's shoulder, threatening to chop off his head if he stops podcasting the way Robert Howard claimed Conan would do. Okay. the way Robert Howard claimed Conan would do. Okay. Uh, the brain. Wait, if Robert, so Conan was a big podcast fan?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, cause Robert Howard did a podcast with his buddy HP Lovecraft, they would say. All right, I was taking that moment to put some chapstick on. Okay. Yeah, yeah. This is true. We don't need to know these things. Dan, we don't, we didn't need to know about the peeing.

We didn't need to know about the chapstick. Remember the time you opened a package during the episode? That was your life. That was content for the episode. Yes, it was a hot content. People were amused that there was a water pick inside. I firmly believe that. I'm just saying that you need to have a division

between your personal life and your professional life. Or else, you're not gonna know who you are. Are you the Dan character? Or are you Dan the man? Are you Dan in real life? Or do you not have a pill on me that a pancakes? That's somewhat true. That is true. Okay. Well anyway, Brandon writes, I recently attended the judge John Hodgman live show at the Murmur Theatre in Brooklyn. At the beginning of the show, Jesse was warming up the crowd, and in an apparent attempt to fire up the audience, he mentioned there was a special

guest in the crowd, our own Dan McCoy. What followed was complete silence. Oh man, yeah. Well, that's better than booze. Now, I gotta take issue with this. There was, I would call it a smattering of applause. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like when we went to that stuff you should know at the bellhouse. Like when we went to that stuff you should know at the Bellhouse, and I was trying to sneak out of there, and then Chuck was like, yeah, and if you come by after, Stuart and Dan of the Flop House will be around, and I'm like, god damn it, no one clapped. There were a few people who recognized the flop house and were cheering. It was not like, however, Hodgman's book reading at Books or Magic, where he also did the same thing saying, damn, the glory of the flop house isn't the crowd.

And there I would say the response could be best described as baffled. But yeah. Well, I mean, I went to a John Hodgman book reading event and he made sure to point out that kori doctoro was in the crowd my name went unmentioned oh wow yeah i mean was that the book event that i showed up at and then left the board started

yeah i didn't like i didn't like the energy in the room there were there are a bunch of dogs there and Dude no actual literal dogs, okay, and Audrey was Visibly more interested in the dogs than anything else. I was going on and John invited her to go to the back room Where the dogs rang. Wow Anyway, so move Continuing with the letter this was a bizarre experience. I wanted to yell out, but I didn't. I think I was a little afraid of being berated by John Hodgman for yelling during his show. I wasn't really during his show.

But anyway, it's been bothering me all week, so I wanted to write in to tell you I love your show and you deserve the better what welcome Ra Rao. My question, is there anything significant that you remember from one of your own live shows that either didn't make it into the official recording or that just doesn't translate to the podcast medium, Brendan Lastney withheld. Yeah, I mean, mine was super recent when I managed to bring Dan to tears with my PowerPoint presentation. That was a really special moment because they couldn't really start the podcast now is to a dead a new presentation in boston that was maybe the most i've ever left it was it was very magical that was yeah i would be i kind of wish we had

stopped the show right there just told the audience to leave because that was the highlight i mean i was running around ripping people's eyes out of their heads because i didn't want them to have to look at anything else afterwards But I would not the cops got mad at me There's nothing that's coming. I know that there's good stuff that happens beforehand that People don't get to hear the only thing that's coming to mind is like visual stuff Like often when Ellie to singing his songs that is the cue for Stuart or I or both of us to leave the stage and

go get ears. Or I can go lie down on the stage. Yeah. As if I've murdered you with my music. Yeah. Dan climbed under the, climbed under the table once. Yeah. A lot of visual humor.

Yeah. But it's not like, it's not like an Iron Maiden concert where we're coming out in different costumes where there's like a big like Eddie that comes out and we fight them on. Well there was that one time where the stage had a giant Eddie hand and I climbed up and the hand like lifted me up into the sky and people were losing their minds. I mean, that was when we were performing in Rio before 200,000 people. Yeah, speaking of costumes, I mean not to suggest that stewards clothes are a costume, but people are missing the amazing shirts and cardigans

that Stuart often wears. Yeah, I mean, I have to, Dan Elliott, dress so nice. I have to bring my own flavor, you know? Yeah, sure. So I guess, I mean, the thing that mostly people miss is they don't get to see our presentations. But, you know, they should just start coming to shows, you know, and capture the magic. Should we do more that's special for the shows? Perhaps they even

have an animal on stage with us? Hmm, perhaps some kind of dare I say house alligator? Hmm, a new a new character. I think we could do it. We shouldn't bring a cat due to allergies. Yeah. And the fact that I think a cat would not like it. No, there'd be peace. Even Archie preps the most laid back cat I've ever encountered, huh? Would probably panic in an audience full of people. Yeah. Yeah. Dan, that sounds like a Disney movie from the 60s Archie the laid back cat. I, you know, I would love it. Let's, let's make it. Let's go back in time. Let's make it This next letter is from Rusty lasting withheld not not my best friend for growing up

Rusty shackleford that the pseudonym from King of the Hill. Okay Rusty writes flopp house crew. I Recently I relatively recently found your podcast back in July and have been voracious voraciously consuming your content. And I just wanted you guys to know, I regard each of you as avatars of my own psyche in a way. Elliot is the super eco with his hyper cerebral and historical film appreciation. Stewart is the id as he shares my love of Brian Yuzna and other goopy, gory, and insane horror

cinema. And Dan, the super ego, who acts as a middle ground, being both a huge pervert and an intellectual in his own right, who maintains order in the flop house. I don't mean to split too many hairs, but that's two super-hegos. Yeah, I was just thinking about that. One of us has to be the ego and the other one the super ego You know what Dan? I'll take ego. That's fine. I'll be a living planet with a beard made out of moss. Oh, man. Okay Yeah, I don't know which one I'm I'm reading it here. I don't know which one he meant for which person

What maybe one of them he meant is like a really good ego. Yeah. Now the sweet, sweet question. What dungeons and dragons class and alignment do you feel best represent you? I would postulate Dan is the pensive half-elf-ranger who wears the scars of his past proudly and has a badass cat companion. Stuart is the hail and hearty dwarven cleric worshipping some kind of dwarven party god. I know there's one

it's in the 3.5 edition book Races of Stone but I got rid of that book because I thought it was mostly useless to me. I mean I feel like most books are basically useless. What? Elliot of course. I know there's movies and books on tape. Okay. Elliot of course is a half as a halfling bard because you're small cunning and I picture halflings as eating tons of chicken. You don't believe it.

I think you can base that on the scene in Masters of the Universe of the Movie where there's that like he has that like dwarf companion he mand does and that guy loves the chicken that they find. Yeah, I'm a bit fuzzy on alignments or I'm too lazy to superimpose my ideas. Pick one, I don't care. Keep on shining you crazy diamonds. Rusty last name with held. Oh yeah, obviously I'm I'm lawful good, you know, I love playing by the rules Just like being cool and nice But within the rules Dance neutral evil

Okay, yeah, yeah, and I'm probably a neutral milk hotel. Oh wow I don't I'm not necessarily good or evil. I'm just a normal person, but also, a lot of calcium and protein. And also, I let people stay at my house sometimes. Yeah, and you have the prestige class King of Carrot Flowers. Yeah, exactly. It's weird that the neutral milk hotels

get all the attention. Like, what about the good milk hotels out there? Like, if you're looking at, yes, you want a good milk hotel. Yeah, yeah, the best. It's like, I mean, the movies are core, you know. Yeah. The best milk hotel doesn't get a lot of press, but the best exotic marigold hotel apparently gets the most press of all the exotic marigold hotels. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's letters, guys. That's the letters. I suddenly got really worn out,

but we got one more segment. Oh, wait, hold on. Do you hear that? Why, it sounds like Dan's got a problem with energy. Time for a song, a surprise song to get him all lifted up. Let's lift Dan's fear. It's with the surprise song, because nothing makes energy, like the magic of music. Hey, everybody, all across the world. Let's dance in our seats and dance on our feet.

Cause we gotta show Dan there's a reason to live. Dan put down all those things that make you sad. Cause it's time to be happy with music. Dan's favorite music is talking heads. Which sounds just like this. This is what an average talking head sounds like mate it's me David Bern and I'm talking to Dan through the power of music Dan Dan Dan are you feeling the power? Feeling the magic? Feeling the notes and feeling the lyrics? Do

you have the energy of the old spirits? in your body right now. That's me, David Burns saying, well, Dan, do ya, do ya, do ya, yes or no. Can you sleep on it? Babe, babe, can you sleep on it? That's right, it's me, Meatloaf, another guy who is singing to Dan. I'm also a popular foodstuff, but don't eat me,

because that would be the end of my time as a music superstar, hey David Burn, does it ever feel good to not be named after a food? No meatloaf, this is me, David Burnowne saying I have always envied that you are also a food, so Dan, I think it's clear that it's time for us to continue. You can't really revitalize, newly re-energize, newly reaching up to the skies. All right. The last segment of the Fluff House with Dan and Stuart and Elliot. All right.

David Byrne may not be a foodstuff, but he is something that can happen to foodstuffs. Yeah, that's true. It's very true. Get it? Yeah, I do. Stuart, this is David Burring again. And you've given me a new lease on life. I finally know what it's like to be happy, Dan.

Take that as an inspiration. Let's go into this recommendation with maximum energy. Okay, so I'll go first. I want to recommend two movies at once because I feel like they are pretty linked actually in style. They're Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters too. No, they're not actually related and in the other way that I saw them very close to one another,

but they reminded me of one another. I watched a movie called VHS, and I watched Greener Grass. And both of them are kind of, they're movies that have a narrative, but also feel very much like sketch comedy movies. VHS is a movie that is kind of found footagey. It's about a kid who gets a camcorder and he records snippets of his own life while you see in the background his parents' marriage is dissolving but are also then he uses the camcorder to record a bunch of

snippets of late night TV and this all occurs. It's a period piece. It occurs in the 80s and I found it very... it spoke to me because I was that kid. I saved up a bunch of money from a paper route and I bought a camcorder and filmed a bunch of stuff and I also of course snuck out and stayed up late and watched late night television. Yeah. And there's a lot of stuff in the movie.

I get it dude, you're a bad boy. Yes. The late night TV stuff is all very funny. It's got people like Tom Linnon in it. Tim Robbins shows up. It's funny stuff, but there's actually kind of moving stuff in the framing stuff. And I won't kind of get into that further. But also greener grass, I would describe as kind of if wet hot American summer was also blue velvet. It's a lot of like very, the comedy of absurdity, the comedy of

people acting very awkward and strange with a lot of commitment. It is set in suburbia, but it's not kind of the tired dark side of suburbia thing so much as it is about a woman whose life is deteriorating because she is so polite and passive and feels the need to be polite to the degree that it screws her over in a number of ways. And both of these movies, aside from being kind of strange, take an interesting sort of tonal turn that I won't get into, but I like them both. Sure. It's funny that you should recommend Greener Grasks because I'm going to

recommend a movie that also has a color in the title. I'm going to recommend the movie Color Out of Space starring Nicholas Cage directed by Richard Stanley. It is a horror movie based on a short story by HP Love to Craft and it is yeah, it's like silly and funny and the it's filled with special effects and music and acting So it's a movie. It's established the minimum of the, it takes to be a movie.

And Nicholas Cage gives this performance. It's like almost so crazy. Like it's crazy enough that it, because everything else around him is so normal, that it, it's kind of like Al Pacino in the Irishman, where it takes me out of the movie and at no point am I not thinking, oh yeah, that's, that's Nicholas Cage, or that's Al Pacino in the Irishman, where it takes me out of the movie and at no point am I not thinking, oh yeah, that's Nicholas Cage or that's Al Pacino.

But at the same time, there's something so like charming about how over the top and silly the performance is that I don't think I'd change it for anything in the world. Yeah, let's be clear though Stuart. When you say everything else is normal, you that everyone else the movie is acting in a naturalistic style unlike Nick Those cage the movie is bonkers crazy. Yeah, it's bonkers crazy, but it's also like I don't know I feel like it's I feel like it's pretty straightforward. Oh, it all makes a lot of sense Yeah, I saw it at the same time as Stuart and I would have recommended it if I hadn't been pretty sure that steward was coming. Yeah, it's because it's I don't know it's like it's so silly and weird and it's still manages to be pretty scary and it does some stuff that I don't feel like I've really seen before and it plays with

like the I don't know it does stuff that I wish I saw more in Lovecraft interpretations. Yeah, I think it finds interesting ways to take the Cosmic Horror like unexplainable, undescribable stuff and show it as best you can. Yeah, and then we got to watch a Q&A film, the Q&A afterwards where Nicholas Cage was stressed like a crazy biker man and Richard Stanley just mumbled through every single question.

It's so great. Richard was Richard Stanley wearing his like wizards hat or like warlocks hat. He's asked to have on his hair that makes it look like he's wearing a wig that no one would ever choose as a wig. No one would ever choose it as a wig. Yeah, he's so funny. Nicholas Cage is jacket though. I described it as he looked like a wrestler who's also

a rock-ability guitarist. Yeah. Yeah. It was pretty good. OK, well, I'm also recommending a movie in theaters in 1952. It's called Sudden Fear, and it stars Joan Crawford and Jack Palants.

Joan Crawford is a successful, wealthy Broadway playwright who gets into a romance with a young actor played by Jack Palence. And spoiler, there's something sinister going on because it's Jack Palence. You can tell almost from the minute he walks on screen. Gloria Graham is in it too, playing the kind of character Gloria Graham plays,

a kind of like sneaky conniving lady. And it is this kind of interesting combination of a film noir and a woman's melodrama. There's a lot of like Joan Crawford being in the throes of love and then falling from those heights into kind of passionate sadness and tears, but there also some genuinely like very tense and very creepy noir scenes, and there's a moment involving a wind-up metal dog that I didn't expect to see on screen, but I found very very ery and strange. But anyway, it's called Sudden Fear, and it's from 1952, and it's available on the Canopy app if you can get that through your local library

and I thought it was one of these movies where I was like, how have I never heard of or seen anything about this movie before? Because I found it super entertaining and really well made and everyone in this great. So that's Sudden Fear, strange, Joan Crawford. Excellent, guys. Excellent.

Did a great job. I wanted to know more about this wild, wild, metal dog, you know? I mean, I don't want to build it up too much, but I did think that might peak your interest to it, that there's for some reason there's a scene where two characters decide to start playing with this wind up metal dog.

And I'm like, why is this the moment they started to do this? What? When you just said peak like that, you held up a VHS copy of Dante's peak. I'm really into puns these days. you held up a VHS copy of Dante's peak. I'm really into puns these days. inexplicable baffling once. Elliot, I wanted to say also you did a great job. I told Stuart and then Stuart cut me off in the middle with his dog talk. I just didn't want you to feel left out.

Okay, thanks. I appreciate it. I want to. Oh wow. Elliot, I'm thanks. I appreciate it. I want. Oh, wow. I'm still not very good at taking a compliment. He's brilliant. No, no, it's just, he's still got his armor up, huh?

I just didn't want you to feel left out. That's all. Hey, power the shields down there. Vice Admiral Thrawn or whatever. I know he's a grand Admiral. Uh, hey. I'm glad you corrected yourself to it because the listeners were pissed.

I could feel it Yeah, it was like a great disturbance in the force as if one of us had said something slightly wrong Elliot you talk quickly do you want to give the usual spiel about max fun and all that and I'm also a Jewish So it's okay for me to give a spiel whereas if one of you guys did it it might be a little I don't know kind of like appropriating another culture Hey everybody we're a member of the Max Fun, Maximum Fun Podcast Network, and there's a lot of great shows

in the Maximum Fun Network. I would recommend you don't just stop with us. You go on and listen to one of the other ones. There's a lot of great ones about movies, there's a lot of great interview podcasts, there's a lot of great ones about TV, there's one about work processes, come on. Just try some other Maximum Fun Podcast.

There's advice shows, there's all sorts of stuff. There's great podcasts on there. Go to MaximumFun.org to look at them. Also, if you like this podcast, hey, why not say something nice about us on iTunes? Review us there. Review us anywhere you see podcast reviews. Tell people about us, tweet about us,

Instagram about us, send letters to your grandma about us, write a postcard so the mailman can see it, because you know they read those. Hey, if you're in the media, you know, say something about us on a bigger platform We've been around for 12 years now, so it's hard to get people excited about publicity But yeah, you heard all those great you heard all those fucking great drops. Dan was doing. Yeah, yeah Don't wait to talk about us when one of us dies or all of us and some kind of freak accident talk about us now

Well, we're still alive, you know, I mean, at least it's gonna look like an accident. And also, you mentioned the network and we also mentioned that the episode today, the movie was chosen by contest winner, who designed Merch and that Merch is available for purchase at at maximumfund.org. Yes, and unless something drastic happens that forces us to change our plans, we'll be doing the next contest winner next episode

So look forward to that and then after that we'll go back to the big budget Hollywood spectaculars that you used to but hey It's fun to do these lesser known movies too. So that's the flop house on maximum fun our editor is Jordan Cowling and for the flop house You are what was your name again? Dan McCoy. And the other guy, what, wait, who, who are you? I'm Stuart Wellington. And who am I? Your Elliot Kalin. Oh, that's right.

Good night, everybody. Good night. Okay, let's do this thing. Okay. And Jordan, I know that was not as funny a usual pre-start as we usually have. I apologize. Maybe she could add some sound effects under her or something. Yeah, some boy-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y.

Yeah. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do