The Flop House - Ep. #307 - Holmes & Watson, LIVE!

Episode Date: March 14, 2020

Is Holmes & Watson somehow an even worse version of the Sherlock Holmes stories than Sherlock Gnomes? Will Elliott and Stu be able to console Dan about the latest insult to his beloved hero? Join us for this live show, taped last year in Portland, Oregon, to find out! Wikipedia synopsis for Holmes & Watson Like this live show? Join us in the future! – The Flop House in Toronto – April 18!

On this episode we discuss Holmes and Watson live from Portland, Oregon. Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. Hey, over here is Elliot, Kaelin, hey Dan, where are we? We're in Portland, Oregon. Oregon, Oregon. We're in Oregon. I, the people here pronounce it, or region. We're the original peaches.

Yep, that's, uh, I think I might have pulled a hamstring. Here are you, tell that. Um, we may have it a funnel time here with the audience here, and now it's time for us to do a real show, a real lot of fun. What do you consider what we've done warming them up? I don't know. It's hard to tell.

Rushing tolerance is what we're getting from the audience at this point. So this is a lot. You guys are great dance people in the asshole. Oh, whoa, whoa. Wow, I'm just calling them like they seem. So what do we do under my guest dance? Stuart, you and I have known each other since college.

You've known these people for, you know, like, what an hour now? I mean, it's been a long hour. We've known a lot of stuff. I showed them a lot of pictures of cats including my own. He took them into his confidence of cat-fiddance? No, no, no. He really? He really? He really mad at me for the original peaches. And this is what you come back with?

I had to pull my hamstring back into place. So when are we going to start the stuff that we actually record? Okay. So Dan, what do we do the stuff that we actually recorded here? OK. So Dan, what do we do on this podcast? This is a podcast. We're going to use the new listener who decided this was the time to jump in. You really should have done it when entertainment weekly

recommended us not now that we've been forgotten by the press. Oh, terrible. You've forgotten by the press. Yeah. I can't get arrested in this town. Because drugs are legal. We watch a bad movie when we talk about it. And today, in my hotel room, we watch homes and wats.

Dan and Stuart sharing a bed, Elliot on an uncomfortable chair. An uncomfortable chair I have been informed of ahead of time. I might not want to sit on it because it had been ruthlessly farted on by someone at a previous time. Their name shall go unnamed. They can use their imagination. Now, Dan, this movie, just put it mildly, this is A. Sherlock Holmes comedy.

Now, I'm interested in you, you have a special relationship with The Great Detective. Please tell us a little bit about your history with Miss Your Homes, who is French. That's why I call him that. Sherlock Holmes, one of my great personal childhood heroes, along with Robin Hood, for some reason, Scrooge McDuck. I think it's because Harry Houdini. I think he was because Robin Hood was a sexy fox. Yes, yes.

Well, I mean, they're all the foxes in that we're sexy. Yeah, yes. Like a sexy fox. Yes, yes. Well, I mean, they're all the foxes in that were sexy. Yeah, yes. But that's why they named a lettuce after it. Foxy brand lettuce. Available on your Grocer's lettuce aisle. But yeah, no, I. So wait, so I think it's just interesting. Because when I was a kid, I had a fan of a particular detective.

His name was Brown, in psychopedia brown And he was a detective for my generation. Yeah, well, I mean here's the thing Elliot like in real life very few Mysteries are solved by knowing where pink wins live I'll tell you one go on that. Yeah, his name was brown Harry Brown. Sorry, Michael King. So yeah, I just, you know, I'm a Sherlockian, I would say.

Is that what they call them? Yeah, we're a bunch of nerds. OK. And did you, when you were in London, would you ever go try to find his apartment? Well, there's a quote, quote, museum there, which is they have put an apartment there that is a recreation of what his apartment would be if he was a person and not a fictional character. So you can walk into a room with, you know, like tobacco and the toe of a Persian slipper and the fake gunshot wounds and the wall.

You don't call it wounds usually if you're- You do if you're a building. In VR for Victoria Resina. Like things from the Sherlock Holmes story. And did they have any stuff from the movie Holmes and Watson? I think not. I think. Because throughout the film I continued to ask, Dan, Dan, what story is this from? Long after that joke stopped being funny.

Oh, and it won't be funny tonight, and I'm stuck in a save. So Dan, when I suggested we do homes in Watson, did you feel a little bit like it would anger, rage, or was there a little bit of a little rouse in a treat? I think maybe Will Ferrell and John Cerelli cracked it. But they finally got Sherlock Holmes. I think it's more of the latter. I think it's one of those things where you love things

so much, but you'll see any shitty thing that involves it. Even you know it, it's gonna make you angry. Hey, I went to Spider-Man The Musical. Yeah, you know it's gonna make you feel something. Okay. It's got very sad to be with you. I mean, for a guy like me who needs to take a speedball,

cocaine and heroin just to get to zero at this point. Yeah. Yeah. My home's in Watson is, uh... It seems weird that you got so excited about that joint you found this. Thank you for referencing something that's not on the show. I mean, you can edit, uh, I guess not. I think the audience at home can imagine what that story is.

There's no new details. It will be more exciting than the regular story. I don't have to explain everything. It's like I have to say, like, Dan's a human. He was born from another human. And the universe began, et cetera, et cetera. You're right, you don't need to explain any of that. OK, let's talk a little bit about a little movie.

I like to call Holmes and Watson. It's good that you like to call that, because that is the name it was given. So it's a word in agreement to me in the movie. And that is where the agreement ends. Now, the movie begins with a quote. I did not write down about logic being the key to everything. And then it reveals that that quote is, I guess, from an

episode of Hannah Montana. And when Hannah Montana sees in whatever episode whenever it comes up there's a ding on the soundtrack just to make sure you got it that you're looking at the words as they appear. That's how you know this is not your daddy Sherlock Holmes. My daddy Sherlock Holmes movie would I guess be the private life of Sherlock Holmes? Yeah when was your daddy when was your daddy in the private life of Sherlock. Yeah, when was your daddy? When was your daddy in the private life? Let's go ahead. He would tell you he is now.

Oh, OK. I've seen him, and that is incorrect. Well, I will not tell him you said that. Let's not make this the father's day release. OK, we begin in the year 1867, two years after the end of the American Civil War. Information that is irrelevant for the movie we're talking about now. And Young Sherlock Holmes, not the Young Sherlock Holmes from the movie.

Not Nicholas Rowe, not the Christopher Columbus movie. Young Sherlock Holmes. You explore Christopher Columbus? Oh, Christopher Columbus, God, you know. Grimlands, Christopher Columbus, God, you know. Grimlands. No idea, no. I'm just guessing. Who is it?

Grimlands and young Sherlock Holmes? Let's move on. I remember that stained glass man, but anyway. So Sherlock Holmes, a young boy, is the new kid at some boarding school. And his mom is like, you should have friends. You should be around other kids. He has a pet turtle. Immediately, the other kids attack him and throw his turtles through the air.

And his turtle gets a little like wheelchair, like dogs get when their legs are hurt. He is instantly unpopular with the other kids. They're always mean to him. Meanest of all, they tell him that the girl he has a crush on wants to kiss him. They put a blindfold on him and then they make him kiss a donkey's anus. I mean I think he kisses near the anus. I mean we were splitting hairs. Haven't had that happen to us, so we can all, except for that.

I mean, I'll raise my hand right now. But all the kids are mean to him. So he starts crying and they're like, hey, hey, hey, and he decides that moment as a voice over tells us to banish all emotion from his body and he sucks the tear back up into his eye. And I want to say, there are all these Sherlock fan theories of people have written stories about why Sherlock Holmes, you know, is so emotionless, why he, he, he denies love in his life.

Are there anywhere he's a robot from the future that fell back in time? I almost certainly, hell yeah. The most put into stories character, perhaps, of all time. Well, then he would like, he sold his emotions to a witch in exchange for a hat. Yeah. My point is merely this. They usually are more in the line of, like, I don't know, his dad killed his mom,

or some sort of like horrible childhood trauma. Here, this movie postulates that Sherlock Holmes becomes a thinking machine because some kids were mean to him. And then he chooses to be a thinking machine. Yes. And he gets to that moment pretty quick. I mean in Richard the Third, it takes a couple of scenes before he has that revelation. That's for on a mutton idiot.

I mean, to me. I went to college with Stuart, checks out. Yeah, yeah, just because he spent much of the pre-show showing people pictures of cats and on, aww, check out this cat. It shouldn't know-way make people believe that he does not have a culture-sophisticated talent. Just because most of the time his reviews of movies either involve people ripping off their own ding-dongs or ninches.

Again. So he vanishes all emotion and he immediately becomes a snitch and starts snitching at all the other kids until they're all expelled. He's the only kid at school and so he becomes a genius because all the teachers are focused on him. And he meets a young boy who's, I guess, the son of the, he deduces the son of the janitor and that he says, we'll be friends. And the boy introduces himself as John Watson. That's right, no joke there, no twist, and like, that's how they met. And can I say it like, look, it would be a tremendous amount of wasted energy to look

at a movie, a comedy movie with Will Ferrell and John C. Riley and say, this is not true to Sherlock Holmes. The sheerst folly that would be. And yet I think you shall indulge in it. However, this is the one point of the movie made me angry on that level because literally the beginning of a studying scroll that the first Sherlock Holmes story is Watson Meeting Homes. We know how this happened people.

It was not in school. Yeah, we're through the looking glass. Yeah, I understand. So, he's what a sign, are they roommates or is a sign to him as like a, like a sister? I know, they become friends and then immediately goes to the opening of the house. Is it like a tender thing? Like how, but how do they meet each other? We saw it. They sure can. No, I mean in the story. Watson is back from Afghanistan,

where he has been serving as a military man. He needs lodging. He has a doctor friend who sets him up with a show of homes who's like, oh, this is a good guy in Oddfellow, but maybe you like him. And show of homes is like open to the idea of a roommate, because he seems like a guy who doesn't like other people. I mean, just because he's a weirdo doesn't mean

he doesn't have financial problems. I guess that's true. In fact, many times, a weirdo and the financial problems go hand in hand. Not every weirdo is a rich, famous person. All right, they become friends. Cut to the headline title sequence, which tells us through headlines in newspapers

that they are now crime fighters and more or any is there art, Jeremy, and they've captured more or any. So as was related to me by another person's watch, and the movie with us, it's interesting to see when a movie tells you all the plot through a montage of headlines and then has seen after seen of nothing. More or any is, of course, played by Ray Fines, and he's on trial, but the witnesses have all died.

So as the judge says, if there's no witnesses, I have to let you go. And this, of course, obsets Inspector Lestrade, played here by Rob Briden. And he sits through the trial and appears in many scenes next to a woman who wears brightly colored dresses, who receives no lines of dialogue, and we never find out who she is until the credits. List her as Lestra's wife. And she's such a weird choice to dress somebody in very striking colors amongst a sea of bland colors and then not give them any lines to say. No, everyone else is wearing brown. Different shades of dank brown as it's Victorian England.

Everyone wears brown suits and stuff. Except this one woman in a blight bit of blight blue In a bright blue dress, I'm so mad about it. I can't even speak. In a bright blue dress. And it's like, it just sticks out so much that she has nothing to do and nothing to say. And I kept being like, who's she? What's her story?

What's that all about? Well, I hope you stayed to the credits, because that's what you'll find out. But everyone's expecting that Holmes at any moment will burst in and say, no, I have evidence that shows that Moriarty did it. And Holmes is late to the trial. Why is that, Dan?

What is Holmes doing at Holmes? He is Anna, his corset. He is, or a, what do you call it, like a girdle? The girdle, yeah. Yeah, he's presented as a preening buffoon in many ways, and he is showing Watson how he's going to burst in, and he shows him in a sort of hats he might wear when he bursts in. And this introduces the problem of the movie, which is if you make a Sherlock Holmes movie and you want to make it a comedy, you've

backed yourself into a corner because you cannot go the obvious route and make him stupid necessarily because then none of it makes any sense. But then he stopped being Sherlock Holmes. He stopped being Sherlock Holmes. He's done a different movie called The Stupid Detective. Yes. Which to be honest, isn't pretty funny idea. It kind of sounds like one of those flag and white movies you would recommend. Yeah, I would love it.

Yeah, of course. It's like Lee Tracy or somebody like that and he's like a dumb detective. Yeah. Or it actually sounds like a Bob Holt movie or a Joey Brown movie or something. Anyway, he says derisively. But if you go the other direction and make him super smart, you're just making a regular Sherlock Holmes movie. So this movie takes a middle road. Oh, it's the Orville and Star Trek. Sure. This movie takes a middle road and makes- I want to hear Stuart's Orville and Star Trek. Don't make a...

We were talking about that earlier, and I'm like, basically, you're just making a Star Trek show with a couple of jokes. Right, right, right. And they named it after America's favorite popcorn maker, Orville Redbock. But this movie attempts to split the difference and make Sherlock Holmes a brilliant brilliant idiot which makes no sense.

He is very great at deducing things, but he's also the kind of guy who will hit a glass case with a bee hive in it with a cricket bat to kill a mosquito. And that's exactly what happens. A box is opened with a mosquito in it and he goes, oh, Moriarty must have sent this to stop us. It probably has a germ disease in it. We can't, oh, more or less, he must have sent this to stop us. It probably has a germ disease in it. We can't let it out. And that means he and John C. Riley just end up hitting each other trying to kill the mosquito and knocking

stuff over. And it's really a waste of time. This is a waste of time. We have no lack. If you're looking for a movie with a lot of shenanigans in it, do I have a movie for you? The all the parts per million of shenanigans are very high. Yeah, I'm surprised the government allowed them to release it.

Because there's a certain level of shenanigans parts per million that you're allowed to have, like just like everything that cream cheese you own has some insect parts in it. Like it's okay, it won't kill you, it's kept below another, but this is like if you open up the cream cheese and it was like all insect legs, it was just all fly legs, like that's what this movie is in terms of shenanigans. Anyway, they wreck their apartment,

they almost hurt, they do hurt, I guess, Mrs. Hudson, their housekeeper, who they treat very derisively. It's played by Calle McDonald. This movie has so much talent in it. It's got the cast for a great Sherlock Holmes comedy is embedded in this movie, and they are not making it

But we'll meet some of them later on so they anyway there's it begins the movie is a long thread of hurting women throughout the film Holmes and Watson they finally arrive and Holmes says Moriarty is innocent because his fingerprints were all over the scene of the crime But he's too smart to do that. So it must be someone trying to frame him. And this somehow turns into him talking about more already being a masturbator or the person who left the fingerprints being that.

The fake story already used that. It was a masturbator. And I'm like, it's more central. I must have missed the chain of the intricate chain of logic that led them to homes and walks and standing before a crowd of Victorian Brits trying to use a creative euphemism for masturbation that everyone will understand. And it's like, there's a number of scenes in this movie

where you're like, oh, they said to Wilfred on Johnson Riley, just stand up there and improv you coming up with different ways to describe masturbation. And then we'll show three of them. And there's 51 minutes of deleted scenes that come along with the movie, and I'm sure much of it is just more of this stuff. And that's not Elliot being hyperbolic.

After we watch the movie, he's like, hey, do you want to watch the 51 minutes of deleted scenes? And we did because we're professionals. Yeah, there being no evidence, the judge declares Moriarty innocent, Lestrade is furious, and as I said, we never learned the name of his companion. Holmes is totally happy about it.

He's like, eh, Moriarty is just going to run off to America. And you know what? I miss the challenge of him. And he says, I'll dedicate my life to health. You know, if you eat raw onion, it increases your red blood cells. Q, Holmes and Watson just biting into onions like their apples, and talking to us about how they're

biting into them just like apples. For a while, like for a long time, this thankfully ends when the queen calls them, and instantly walks in, and Watson becomes an embarrassing superfan for the queen. It turns out it was all a surprise birthday party for Holmes, which is weird, because Watson continues to be a superfan

for the queen throughout, but like, if he planned a birthday party for homes, which is weird, because Watson continues to be a super fan for the Queen throughout, but like, if he planned a birthday party with her, like that initial awkwardness should have been gotten over with at this point. Yeah, you're right, that's pretty silly. Yeah, like that's it. I think you've had the blonde. Yeah, to plan, to plan a surprise birthday party with someone, it takes time, takes a certain amount of casual communication, and at that point it's like, you know what, we have a bond, We put together this event. We've worked together. Maybe we're friends. Maybe we're just people who like know each other a little more casually than we would have otherwise. Yeah, it's like you've been through like two soldiers who've been through battle.

Hell, if the guy I watched Avengers Infinity War with who I did not know, stood up and shook my hand after that movie Because the emotional roller coasteraster we had been through, then these two probably are best pals. You would think so, but no, they're not. So anyway, Holmes cuts into the cake. Did you get his number? I should have at least exchanged Twitter handles with that.

I mean, the only digits you got were the ones he shook your hand with. I don't know the rest of this joke. It sounded really cool. Sir, you feel it, dude. It was like you were Jeff Foxworthy workshopping something. The only digits you got were the ones you shook hands with. You might be a bum-a-b bum-a-b bum.

Well, let me move on to the next one. If you drink and water, but you don't, no, forget it. Like, that's his day all day, it's just coming over with the first part. And it's like, Jeff, start with the observation, and then just put it in the form out of the joke. No, that's the easy way to do it. I like a challenge. It's not how my inspiration strikes me. And I'm like, you're the one who's worth a fox, So, you know, I don't know. As we've established earlier, the second thing I've ever thought.

Worthy a fox. The economic value is not that of a fox. But if you wanted to say Mary a fox, the fox's parents would be like, you're worthy. So you're like, like Thor's hammer to me, and back to, it's really. It written on it is, only he who is worthy, shall have this fox.

If Jeff Fox were you, I'll take that. Okay, sure. But an average mere mortal could not touch that fox. Okay, they dig into the cake and there's a dead body in it. With a note that says, The mark of how great Holmes and Watson is that we would rather talk about that. There's a dead body and it's the witness that should have been at Moriarty's trial with a note from Moriarty saying, Ha, ha, I'm still around.

I'm going to kill the queen in three days. You'll never stop me. And Holmes is like, it's a frame of. Moriarty would never be this crude. It's got to be someone else. But let's investigate that body. So they go to the morgue where turns out Holmes is kind of a tender tummy. And he throws up in a bucket a bunch of times

Case closed Yep, you know joke achieved I suppose And here's where we meet two more important characters two very important characters We meet Dr. Grace played by Rebecca Hall a female doctor from America and they just cannot believe that she is a doctor Now she's not American right? Rebecca Hall I think she English I thought she was they just cannot believe that she is a doctor. Now, she's not American, right? Rebecca Hall? I don't think so.

Is she English? I thought she was. I think it's funny then that you have two more Americans doing English accents, and then an English actor doing an American accent. And you also have Lauren Lapkiss playing a character who cannot speak, doing the craziest faces. And she is playing a feral wild child.

It's very funny because it's like, and she's great. She's a fantastic performer. I'm a big fan of hers. I'm a big fan of Rebecca Halls too. But you can tell that for everyone else in the movie who's a big star, this is a big star. Well, Ferrell's in the back, the room crying. Yes, I'll be seated.

I'm not being a fan of her. And John C. Riley is great. And I love Rob Riven, as we all know. And other actors who come up later, also fantastic. The rest of the triumphant that should be starring in the movie, that I'll come to later. But you can tell everyone else is a paycheck for Lauren Lapkes. It's like this could be a big breakthrough.

So she is mugging the hell out of it. She makes the most of every shot she's in. I will retell the name dropby story I told earlier, which is like early in doing comedy, I was on a podcast with Lauren Lapkes, where I was just playing myself, like I, as a comedy writer and there was a host and then she came back.

You weren't playing yourself as like a time traveler? You yourself as like a 17th century baron? Yeah, yeah. When she came in doing a character, like that was her job on the podcast. And very quickly I was like, I should not be on this podcast. And perhaps not in comedy. Because she was so good at what she was doing.

So many people have said that to you. You refuse. And yet, to take the advice. And yet I resist. But Lauren Laep has to have someone ask plenty of her and be like, you know what? You're not going to talk during this movie. Seems like the most perverse thing.

You're the funny face person in the movie. So they show up and despite the initial hesitation on Holmes and Watson's part to accept the idea of a woman doctor, they soon all start falling in love with Holmes and with Dr. Hall and Watson flirting over their autopsy of the body as they play unchanged melody on a vitrola. That's right, it's a ghost reference everybody.

That's pretty time like. Very top. I mean at that point, I'd rather a reference to like a classic in quotes than a reference to like some movie that is like how we in, is it knocked up where they're like, well, yeah, we went to go see Spider-Man 3 and they talk about Spider-Man 3 for a whole scene and I'm like, nothing dates this movie more than that you are talking about Spider-Man 3 for a whole scene and I'm like nothing dates this movie more than that you are talking about Spider-Man 3 for all this stuff and I like Spider-Man 3. Okay so and Holmes and Millicent flirt over eating raw onions

together so we've got some love interests but Holmes still thinks that someone's copycatching more yardiness. This kind of highlights one of the weird things about the movie for me is that they they code both Will Ferrell and John C. Riley as like way younger than those two guys are. Like they're behaving like they're like wacky teen boys. Yes. Which I guess could be the joke. I guess.

I mean, it's kind of like in, there's a, there's a great movie. I don't know if you guys know it, call the man who shot Liberty Balance. And the only minor flaw in it is that John Wayne and Jimmy are supposed to be playing young men and they're both in their 50s. But yeah, we looked it up. Lauren Lapkiss is 32 or 33. You never reveal a moment. She was just saying she's 18 years younger than Wil Farrell. And Wil Farrell is 51, yeah.

And so it's various. And throughout the movie, I'm like, these guys would be a little funnier in these parts if they didn't seem like they were at the age where it is sad that they're, but this will finish. They're either too young or too old. Like if they were two daughtering old men, hilarious. They elderly are hilarious because we're all going to be there. So it's okay to laugh at them because someday someone will laugh at us and young people are hilarious because they don't know shit because they don't know shit, because they haven't learned anything. But Middle-aged people- Well, Middle-aged dabbing. Yeah. But Middle-aged people are not funny,

because they should be doing things to help the world, because they now have means and knowledge. But no, instead they're being a bunch of buffoons. You're at your accountant right now. Yeah. It's like, how are you guys gonna pay your mortgage with this buffoonery? And Watson, he, the doctor, is told him he's so smart.

He should be co-detective. And Watson's like, oh, I don't know. He has self-esteem problems. And he asks, homes, can we be co-detectives? And home says, you're not ready yet. And that night, they both have hilarious dreams about their new paramorres. And by hilarious, I mean, there's a lot of production value

in them. By hilarious, you mean this was padding? Yeah they should have called this movie Padding Tone Barrett because there's a ton of padding and I can barely bear it. So where's the oh and I get it? It's all taken care of then. I use every piece of that bubbleo. There's nothing left. Mathematically, that's a perfect joke. I thought that shows the limits of math. To explain the human heart. Yeah, you're right.

Now Holmes believes that the killer is a one-armed tattoo artist. I don't remember how he came to this. He knows there's a one-armed tattoo artist named Klinger, who's in the bad part of town. So to find him, they go undercover as a couple of ruffians, which means them just drinking all night and they get very drunk and are like just doing dumb things. And they send a late night drunk telegram to their new crushes. And I was waiting for the scene where the crushes get it and they're like, what is this? And they're embarrassed.

No, no repercussion. They just, they send it and that's the end of that bit. Yeah. Because this is Holmes and Watson. It's a great piece. So why should we care about it anyway? Because it's said in the old timey times, but they are making thin references to modern, to new timey times.

Modern common things like sending a sex or something. You have put your finger on one of the most overused types of gag in the movie, which is they didn't have this modern thing back then. But what if they did? They'd probably give it a cumbersome name. So like, they end up at a gym in the next scene, and there's a sign that says, cycle for your soul, and there's a guy

barking through a megaphone and some people on those big, what are you, panty-farring bicycles? It's like soul cycle in olden times. What's that all about? Yeah, and the thing, like, I don't know, like, if there was one of these jokes in the movie, they picked one. Yeah, one movie.

I might have laughed at it because there's a point in this next scene that you're talking about where they have to fight, and instead of saying, let's get ready to rumble, the ring guy goes, let's get ready to scuffle. Not just any ring guy, Dan. Michael fucking buffer, dude. Michael buffer, the man who trademarked the phrase,

let's get ready to rumble. Yeah, well, that part I wouldn't like no matter what. But if there was some other, and the acronym's joke, I might think, oh, let's get ready to scuffle is a funny Victorian version of this. It will make me smile wildly. The corners of my mouth will upturn. As if a fishing line unseen from the heavens

have daygill down and lifted those said corners. I mean, this also comes moments after, well, Ferrell says, if you want to watch the fight, you've got to pay to view it. View per pay. We'll pay per view, and it's likely get it. All right, okay. So they follow this tattoo man to the gym where they follow this tattoo man to a gym where Klinger is.

Who's playing Klinger? Steve fucking Kugin, that's who. And I'm like, so the cast of the Sherlock Holmes comedy has been revealed to us It should be Steve Kugin and Rob ride like they're hilarious. They're English We know they can work together and because they've made three movies together. Yeah, and with somewhat diminishing returns with each one But what are you gonna do you know and so I'm like why are you teasing me with the Sherlock Holmes comedy that could have been Oh, there's more teasing to come later. But anyway, uh...

L.A. of teases, is he? Yeah, that's a tease of a tease. A double tease, if you will. Two teases? That's how you spell L.A. anyway, so... I don't know. Is that the entirety high spot? Yep, that's it.

The other letters are all just kind of hip. The rest is gravy. Oh, the teases are what hold it up. The rest is gravy. The teas are what hold it up. The rest is just for show. Make it look pretty. Those teas are the structural part. They have to fight a huge guy. Moriarty shows up too.

Cleaner and Moriarty were working together. And they're like, you have to fight this big guy. The big guy gets, it wasn't beat some over the head with a chair until he is dead. I don't know. it's hard to tell and Moriarty kills cleaner stabs him in the back and they pull out the knife and hurl it at Moriarty to reveal that he's not Moriarty he's a good man named Jacob Musgrave who looks just like Moriarty and was wearing a fake beard as Holmes apostulate earlier in the movie one is led to believe that Holmes is

such a buffoon that he has been blinded by his own arrogance. And he's denying the obvious evidence in front of him. Yes, but Holmes is actually right. This is a fake moriardy. He is in a way a great mouse detective. In a way? I mean, he's like three of those four things. He's great. He's a detective. The only one of them. He's 75% of a great master tonight. Yeah, so much say the most important but I would say as as damn as I'm a statistics in his presentation there's this very little statistical difference between him and a great master detective. Sure like how Chimpson and human share most of their DNA.

Exactly and which is very nice of us to do with them because they don't pay us or anything. We get nothing from that transaction. Does that mean Dracula and Bunnicular are very similar? I'm glad you raised that question. They are 50% related, the Icula part. Okay. Or the Cula part.

The I is, I guess, junk DNA, maybe Neanderthal DNA, distant relative. But, Drak and Bun are not. That is in the bunny. Why would it be Neanderthal? Neanderthal is doing. The Bluffhouse has a new sponsor this week. The book, The Celery Stalks at Midnight, available now. And 23 in May.

Yeah. Look, Neanderthals are extinct, Stuart, maybe because instead of mating with each other, they were having sex with rabbits. I don't know. I'm not an anthropologist. I can only suggest theories that hopefully the evidence will bear out someday.

Continue back to the film. So still, home's right. Maybe it's not more already, and they receive another clue. A lump of coal that they're told to bring to Newcastle. There is no joke in this clue, as we'll find out later. Homes, Is there a phrase about bringing coal to Newcastle though? Isn't that like a thing?

You would know better than me, Mr. Cheryl. Oh, okay, well you talk. Look it up. Which is our usual division of labor. You talk, and I'm sort of in the background. Look, mild laughter from the audience, division of labor. You talk and I'm sort of in the background. Well, mild laughter from the audience. Yeah, I guess it was very awkward uncomfortable.

Are they weakened at Bernie's the Queen yet? No, that's not happening yet. Okay, so that's up next home. Calls to Newcastle, a phrase meaning something brought or sent to a place where it is already plentiful. So, homes and watch them is making reference to an outdated, asterisk that's smart movie. Yeah. I guess.

Well, they can make new things into old stuff, they can make old things into new stuff, homes and watch and try it today. You know, does both, goes both ways. I'm like Timothy Green, go on. Home thinks that their love interests, their Americans, might be the murderers, or working for the murder. And the queen shows up to say, hey, I have two days to live. If you guys don't solve this mystery, John C. Riley, of course, a huge fan.

He decides he wants to take a selfie with the queen, so some jokes about, oh no, it's a photograph that I take myself. The best way to do it is to make a face like a duck-build platypus. Watch this and we watch as instead of doing a joke about like oh they're doing duck face. They then hit the queen in the face with the camera accidentally and they decide she's dead and try to mush her into a truck into a into a into a chest or whatever. Really being terrible with her body,

and of course, as a part where Watson is trying to shove her in, and it looks like he's humping her, and starts slapping her butt for some reason. Yeah, this is the queen of England, by the way, and trust me, let me just say this, I'll just stand up for it. I am no monarchist. I'm glad we're not part of the British Empire anymore. An unelected, unelected monarch? No thank you.

I want to have a say in whom my leader is. Well, it's really taking you unpopular stand here. Yeah. Due to the systems put in place, I have much less of a say in who is my leader than other parts of the country geographically, that counts for the Senate also. But in theory, in theory, no dumb old lady can just be born onto the throne and then tell me she's not amused. Well I'm not amused. By her, take that Queen Victoria, you got slams.

Thank you. Take that Queen Victoria. Strong words. I once was on a trip to Scotland and I was in the lovely city of Glasgow and is it my favorite Scottish city? Of course not, Edinburgh is. It's the best city in the world, maybe. So they fry everything.

I went into a restaurant and I had fried hamburgers followed by fried candy bars. They took French fries already fried, and they battered and fried them. It's the greatest city in the world. Now, but I went to Glasgow where I assume they also do frying. And there was this big open plaza with statues of great scots,

and not like great scot. Not like that. It was like, yeah. People are just standing around being shot. Yeah, yeah. People from great people of Scotland. And there was a statue of Queen Victoria. These others, like people who invented things are there.

Great statesmen, only one woman, which is a Victoria. I mean, that's obviously a problem with history that in villains. The only woman there is Queen Victoria because she visited Glasgow once. So they there is Queen Victoria because she visited Glasgow once. So they put up a statue because she visited there once. Dan, if that was the case, there would be so many Popeyes across this great nation that had statues of me and I feel a little offended that there aren't. You know, Elliot, before we

started this show, our point person at the venue said, there is no heart out for the show, and I think you took that a little too much. Alright, very hard. So anyway, Queen Victoria is there. I think they've killed her and they are abusing her body terribly. And her guards run in, and they're literally about to dismember her with a bone saw to get rid of her body when she wakes up as for a copy of the self-photograph and leaves abruptly.

Well, so there you have it. The movie almost cut a live woman up. You know, this is the moment in which the audience almost kills themselves because they're like, surely there's no more laughs to be had in life. We must deliver ourselves over to the afterlife, or perhaps there's more humor to be had, but Holmes and Watson has used all of it up on Earth. There's none. It's a precious resource, and they've used it all.

Hey, Elliot, do you do anything else fun while you're in Scotland? Oh, I mean, I've been there a couple times. Jesus Christ. Obviously, I mean, there's, and Viracastel is beautiful. Oh, yeah, that sounds cool. It's got such history, and I was online for the tour, and I could see there were lots of people there who were Scottish, and the cast has been there a thousand years. And it really struck me, I was like,

I live in a country where most of the people in it can pinpoint for the most part when their ancestors came to this country, and to live in a place where your family, as far as you know, has always lived for thousands of years. It was, I was like, that's such a different experience for my own, which I found that really interesting. Anyway, not necessarily one's better than the other, but just a different experience. Of course, my wife and's such a different experience from my own which I'm not really interesting Anyway, not necessarily ones better than the other but just a different experience Of course my wife and I on a different trip we hyped the last three days of the West Highland way beautiful hiking

From the moors to the forest. It was a fairy tale. I had Haggies every dinner while I was there Stuart if there's one person who does not need to be encouraged It's okay If there's one person who does not need to be encouraged, it's hell. Dan, as a great man once said, if you remove whatever is impossible, then whatever is left behind, I will talk about forever. Those were the mortal words of Lizzie McGlyer?

Yeah, I think so. Or Alex Mack, I don't know. Anyway, so, uh, there's, so homes is like, we're gonna seduce the American ladies and make them reveal their secrets. So they go on a picnic and for reasons that are too stupid again to, homes is like, no, actually, I guess they're okay. So that's, that was a dead end.

Now, they decide they have to go talk to the other smartest man in England. That's right. Sherlock Holmes has a brother. His name, Dan? Microw. Now, Dan, up to this point, the movie's been pretty close Holmes has a brother. His name, Dan. Microw. Now, Dan, up to this point, the movie's been pretty close to the Holmes' candy. No, no perfect. When they break that B-hive with a cricket bat, when they have to shove quivertory

as dead body into a trunk, that's all the masturbation stuff. That's all from the original Conan Doyle stories, right? Sourc Conan Doyle. It's almost like, so I know that this old story of Surt Conan Doyle not wanting being tired of Sherlock Holmes and trying to kill him in what the final question, the final problem. And it's almost like that he decided instead to write the dumbest Sherlock Holmes story ever. It's like, this will cure them of their love of Holmes. I'll just make it bad.

What do you mean, bombers promise to do a bucket repeatedly? What do we eat to onion like an apple and just keep talking about it? But they go see my craft homes. Okay, imagine my delight and then disappointment. When I discover who is playing my craft homes, Dan, can you, who is playing my craft homes? I can't even say it. Mr. Hulori. That's it. Mr. Hulori. That's right, Mr. Hulori.

Who could also have conceivably played of the foolish Sherlock Holmes in a comedy? So this movie... He played of a phone. He's basically played Sherlock Holmes. Put them together. Come on. It's not rocket science, people.

So the movie has been teasing us with three other possible leads for the movie. Four, if you can't rub back a haul, which I will for that matter. I would love that. And yet, has there ever been a lady show at home with a lady Watson? In a non-pornow. Yes, I think that I wish that we'd not say. I think there's a female Watson in Eln entry with Johnny Lee Miller.

Well, but I mean both, but I'm sure there has. I mean, she lock homes, if you will. I won't. I will not do that, sir. All right. Okay. Submit it and reject it, all right? I think about a field sexist.

I don't know what, but I don't like it. What about a black Sherlock Holmes? No, black ones. No. I mean, like, let's do it, but don't get into it. Okay. I'm all on support of it. I'm but don't get into it. OK. I'm on support of it.

I'm on support of you discussing it. All right. I guess I'm not the right person for it. Anyway, so once again, microphotomes and charcoms are so smart, they talk to each other just with their brains telepathically. And microph says, this has to be someone who is close to you. They know that your methods, and they're using them against you.

And so, Holmes accuses the person closest to him, Watson. It says, he says, Watson, you wanted the credit, and I wouldn't give it to you. So you did this, and they take Watson away, and everyone is kind of surprised at what a Jackass Holmes has just been? Yeah, and it's playing on the idea floated by that great movie Sherlock Nomes that Watson tired of

Sherlock would finally snap and become the bad guy. Yeah, my tired of leaving the show. Dan, did you ever think as a Sherlockian that you would see a movie that would make you return to Sherlock Nomes as a better, more accurate representation of the character? I don't know if you say better, Sherlock Holmes. But like the thing is the conception of Shurlock Holmes. That's correct me if I'm wrong. Shurlock Holmes, the story is so exciting to say that.

You're literally a river water in your mouth for the bottle. Yeah, I need some clarification. So Shurlock Holmes is named that because he's a garden gnome. And Shurlock Holmes named that because he's made out of a home. He's made out of the better homes in Guards. Oh, right. Now, yeah, because correct me if I'm wrong, this is what I want to say.

I'm not a Sherlocking like you. In the canon, is he a gnome? No. I mean, I literally don't want to run myself because I wanted to say that to you. Yeah, that's your most Columbus moment. I want to one more thing. One more thing, one more thing.

Sherlock Holmes. Is he a nom? I mean, one more. One more is a message to Lone there, but that's it. Oh, I just want to know, Ditto. Oh, it shows up every once in a while. You know, it's a good question. Is he a nom?

I mean, he's smaller than me, and the movies are actually kind of a sure guy in real life. But like, he's smaller than me, and the movies are actually kind of a sure guy I realize, but uh, like, he's kind of a wimp. He won't could beat me in a fight, and gnome couldn't beat me in a fight either. I mean, Sherlock Holmes is kind of an expert in boxing among other- Yeah, or- And expert in boxing? My name's Rocky Bumble. Oh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Two-shay, two-shay Rocky. I don't know what that means. Also, my name is Silvesti Salon, I'm with the District Carriage. You don't have to call me Rocky.

I do as a former member, but... I don't do that occasionally. I extend it to you as respect. The way I was, you know, called the Queen, the Queen, her majesty. All right, yeah. Right, yeah. Because it's like, I know I sometimes confuse myself as my characters, but I've been hit on the head a lot. So I wouldn't expect you to do the same. I think you know, I'm a Academy Award winning screenwriter.

No, it's not true. I lost, of course, to Patty J.S.E. The hack. I tell myself that, because guess who's still around? Not Patty J.S.E. Let me call him Patty J.S.E. and see if he won. I can't. He's dead. You me call her Patty Chioski, see if he want a candy's dead.

You know what, Mr. Slime, I appreciate you fact checking yourself. Call me Slime. Call me Slime. Call me Slime. Call me Slime. Call me Slime. Because that's me, Slime and the family is the loan.

It's true, I have a family and they have the same last name as me. Oh, I know, I'm a wherever your brother Frank. Don't ever talk about him. Well, I should get going. His name is me. I'm a wherever your brother Frank. Don't ever talk about him. Well, I should get going. I just came to Portland so I could have some, I don't know, whatever they do here. I'm glad you did the research. Still, it do really see me as the kind of guy who's just gonna crack it open in the cycle video.

And just look up under P for Portland. No, I look up under S for Stalon. Turn on mine myself if I am a guy who was a prisoner of war or if I wasn't a guy. What the fuck? Was I, did I live in cop land at one point? I can't live. Was I, I can't live if I'm a race car driver? Yeah, you got, I need new ass egg plan from this bit.

Yeah, like so was I in jail and I escaped? Was that a character that I did? Yeah, are you going to see the daylight ever? Yeah, it's a real cliffhanger. And that's the Sylvester Salon bit. Alright. Thank you. There he is. So we find ourselves at the beginning of Act III

and of Act II crisis. Watson has been arrested. Holmes finds that he misses his friend, especially when he reads Watson's diary, which is just all about how great Sherlock Holmes is. Holmes starts to cry. He feels emotions again. Those emotions that he shoved away.

That's right. The movie is pretending. We care about the plot now. And he sings a song emotions that he shoved away. That's right. The movie is pretending we care about the plot now And he sings a song about how he misses his friend. The song was written by Alan Minken. I've originally Minken and Ashman before Ashman unfortunately sadly died. But like you may know four inch the little mermaid songs making an Ashman. Do you name any of the songs? Yeah, uh, Kiss the Girl.

That's the one you went for first. Under the sea. Not under the damn sea. I gotta say, I'm a bigger Kiss the Girl thing. Really, when I was a kid, I owned a little mermaid on VHS in the big clamshell Disney library. Also a little shopper for us by the little bit of a girl. That's not a little mermaid song.

And I know they're going to be nice. Right, right, right, go on. But I would watch under the sea, and then I would stop the tape, I would rewind it to the beginning of under the sea, and I would watch that song again. Because you know what? It got my little toes tapping. And I'm still a little, and it still gets my toes tapping.

So they sing the song. There's no real jokes in the song. It's just a new idea. It's just a sample of more talent throwing at this movie. Like speaking of music, Mark Mothers-Bow, who does the fucking score of Divo known for doing the soundtrack to Wes Anderson movies like... Rugrats. Yeah, amazing, amazing guy.

I just like, wait so much talent. Wes Anderson made the... Wait, did Wes Anderson make the Rugrats movie? Yeah, yeah, he made the roger-rest movie. It was called Moonrise Kingdom. LAUGHTER So for Sherlock Holmes, there's no way Watson's innocent. He would never frame me.

He would never do this to me. And I love him. He's my friend. And Watson is about to be hung. He's watching them test out the rope, which this is kind of a funny joke. Oh, this is definitely a funny joke. Let's give the movie a try. There are, and we'll which this is kind of a funny joke. Oh, this is definitely, let's give them a movie.

Okay, this is definitely funny. And we'll say, this is not a movie without laughs. There are funny jokes, there are awaysys in the desert of otherwise bits that don't work. There are funny jokes in the movie. It's the ones that I'll give you that. There are funny jokes in you. Yeah, but it's like, it's like, panning for gold and like,

assess pool. Wow! Wow, rough. Now, what, what age do you think they'll be gold in like a cesspool. Wow. Wow, rough. Now what, what age do you think they're be gold in the cesspool then? Because usually gold is in like streams that come down a mountain. You see them ballot a Buster's screw.

I have indeed. So like Tom Waits, I just, you know, I dug in several cesspools and I put little flags up. And when there's more gold. And you were like, I'm going to get you Mr. Cesspool. You can't stop me. That's right. Mr. Cesspool. Well, that's our. That's right. Mr. Cesspool.

Well, that's our Buster Scruggs bit, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Should we talk about that? No, we shouldn't talk about Buster Scruggs for a while. Anyway, so with the joke, is they're testing out the news, and they're using a man made out of straw. And they test it, and it goes to the trap door, and its head pops off, and the two dogs run out.

It's here at the park. And the lots of like the dogs seem a bit much But then a mystery figure enters the his cell and brings him a piece of cake and that's when it all comes together for Watson It turns out the real killer should I reveal it? Uh-huh, yeah, sure. It was Mrs. Hudson all along their housekeeper who is turned out to be Moriarty's daughter. That's right.

Oh, Yarny has a daughter. Her name, his name is Mrs. Hudson. A character who, well, up to now has only been shouted at by Holmes and Watson and- And it implies that she entertains one point. Yeah, she's- it's a lot of what she entertains the affections of what Albert Einstein is. It's a man that he's- so there are three- she has these three henchmen who, I don't like, those guys kind of look like Albert Einstein is. And so man, so there are three, she has these three henchmen who, I don't like, those guys kind of look like

Albert Einstein, March 20, and Charlie Chaplin, but that's weird. In the credits, they're listed as March 20, and Albert Einstein, Charlie Chaplin. So there must be some bit that got cut. Because otherwise, it's such a weird, the same way it would be weird to put a woman in a striking blue dress and give her no lines of dialogue.

It would be weird to dress up some extras, basically, in the costumes of historical figures, credit them as such. Honestly. And give them nothing to do. Obviously, that is part of the movie. I respect the most. To have a character have sex with three historical figures

and never mention it. Not since Tim Heidecker walks through Bridesmaids with an area line of dialogue, and I began to wonder if they knew he was on set and they shot the film. Not since then have I been so baffled by the use of background players. Very strange.

Well, but chalk it up to the mastery of he's a co-in the man who made Garfield and Garfield a tale of two kids. The man who probably apocryphally Bill Murray thought was Ethan Kilmer. So they asked Bill Murray in a GQ interview, like, why did you do Garfield in the movie? He's like, oh, I thought it was Ethan Cohen of the Coen Brothers. It's like, that's not true, dude.

Then you did a second one. So, like, come on. Did you think, oh, this time they really got it. You're a fool of me once, shame on you. Let me try shame on Bill Murray, is what you're saying. I'm shame on him all the time. I don't know. He does all sorts of, he ruins people's weddings.

This will be hilarious. I'll go in and be in all the wedding pictures. Maybe there's one picture that you're not in, Bill Murray. It's their special day. Don't make it all about you. I was about to go on flake. That's a special day. Yeah, it's a special day.

It's called Groundhog's Day. Very true. OK, so Sherlock, he realizes that this is Mrs. Hudson wants to kill the queen and defeat Sherlock in order to win her dad's love. He never really would have realized it because love was alien to him until Millicent, Lord and Life, his character, they

realized we didn't name. And she doesn't talk because earlier they say she was raised by cats, and that's why she doesn't talk. Anyway. There's another funny joke. I have to say another funny joke where everyone is mad at Sherlock and they do their thing.

They all storm out, send different things to him. They'll send angrily, like, hands him a note, storms off, and he opens it up, and it's a child strong of a cat. And genuinely funny, but we'll be going. And so he goes and he frees Watson from the trap that he's been put into by Mrs. Hudson, and they know there's a bomb on the Titanic where, and they're like, ah, we had to bring coal to a new sort of castle.

And it's like, what? Come on, that doesn't make sense. Nobody but time was like a castle on the scene. This is nuts. Like, the, and this is also where, this is the, it shouldn't bother me in a movie called Holmes and Watson, where Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are buffoons But that's like this is clearly taking place like the 1890s, right? Because Holmes mentions that he is that he is 46

This is where he is a kid. Elliott does a little Sherlocking of his own. Yeah, he's a kid in 1867 Let's say he's six years old. That means me must be born in 1861. If he's 46, the year is 1907 at the latest. Elliot's calculating the trajectory. You see, it's memory palace right now. When was the Titanic launched? Let me go to that room, the Titanic room. Let's see. 1912, hold on a second.

Sherlock Holmes movie. You got it all wrong when the Titanic was launched. We got him. We got him. Shut him down, boys. I think we, I don't know if we can adore his birth and deathase. I got him. We got him. Shut up now, boys. I think we, I don't know Queen Victoria is worth the death is. I think she have died by then. I, I, I wasn't, when was it?

1901. Thank you. Well, let the jerk, don't even believe you. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Expert witness was attested at Queen Victoria, who we've just seen with the defendant's homes in Watson, died in 1901, and yet we are to believe she was present on the Titanic, right before her maiden voyage. I have this newspaper with today's date on it, with an article about the Titanic that mentions that it was launched in 1912. And so I postulate to you, ladies and gentlemen,

of the jury, you must find homes and wats in both guilty of not caring about history. The worst crime there is. Thank you. The sentence, of course, is that we're going to finish talking about the movie any minute. OK, so we're very closely. They know where the bomb is, and Sherlock is trying to calculate in his head the best way

to get rid of it, but he keeps thinking about Millicent. He's being distracted by love. Watson is going to have to do it and Watson is the one who also deduced where the bomb is. Watson, he just runs through and pushes people aside, killing a lot, like using up time. I mean, yeah, I guess it. One more, one more to you, okay, change really like. Like, like whenever Sherlock is doing his calculations, they pull something from the Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes was like a trajectory of this,

X equals whatever, like they do it like a little thing where he's like his brain is going through all of it. They do it earlier when he's drunk. He's trying to outcalculate the trajectory of his pee when he's peeing so long. Not so long. Not so long. That one is not funny, but this one's,

but this one's pretty funny because Watson is trying to do the same thing, but he is Watson. He does understand the math. So he's like, oh, it's so hard. Is that an X or a plus sign? Like, the math is appearing in his head. We doesn't know how to do it.

It was a fun, and John C. Riley, he's, he's trying to say that. I'm genuinely funny in this movie, even though the movie is terrible. Like, he is a good comedian, and this movie is so bad. The man's a trained clown, and he knows what he's doing when it comes to comedy. I mean, Will Farrell obviously knows he's doing what he's come to comedy,

but he doesn't seem to care that much in this one. Anyway, so Watson throws the bomb. Of course, this being a movie lands in the boat of the bad guy who says, oh shit, right before the bomb explodes. The most cliche thing a bad guy can say when a bomb lands at their feet. The dead is.

That's a small comfort to somebody who's just been exploded. The small comfort is that I'm also ripping on them for a cliche. I'm like, you have one second to live. Come up with something original, dude. The day is saved and Trilac Holmes shares the credit with Watson. The next day, I guess, they save farewell to their ladies as they board the Titanic back to New York. Who else is there but Billy Zane? Who they call out as Billy Zane, not playing his role in Titanic. They just say, look, it's Billy Zane.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Billy Zane is still with us. Are we to believe that he is a highlander? Perhaps one of these immortals we've heard so much about A vampire one of your Robert Pattinson's I think not lots and gives homes a present It's a deer stalker cap finally the right hat Which means that this came before every other Sherlock home story, right? And the glad they finally we have the origin story for Sherlock Holmes's hat wonderful and their friends again And then there is maybe the most baffling scene in the entire movie.

We cut to, it's the old west on the Oklahoma Frontier, some frontier. We're just, what? Wyoming. Thank you. It's the Wyoming Frontier. It's a big country up there, you know. Big sky.

Yeah, it is big. Oh, boy. Big sky country. Because they've done the studies. This guy is not wider as people think, but actually thicker there. There's more layers of sky. It's built up done the studies. The sky is not wider as people think but actually thicker there. There's more layers of sky. It's built up over the years. Fadding the clouds into the sky. It's sort of like a paste, just like a toothpaste. You gotta walk through. You gotta walk through the sky and

it gets all over your clothes. It's a gross state. A gross, gross state. They actually dug a hole in Jackson to get away from the sky. Because the sky was so thick it was pushing people down So they dug a hole so that they could be like, oh get the sky off my shoulders for a moment. Yeah, that's why That's why Fuck god damn it No, I'm not sure I should do it. Yeah, I should do it. Okay, so we're going to Jackson to get away from the sky continue They're talking about a different Jackson and that one That's not Jackson's hole, but it's a cute, cute, elegant.

All right, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I submit. Oh, this is good. So this last final scene, he's in Wyoming, it's the Old West. Someone's in a saloon reading on his paper out of the Titanic saying, but a lady doctor saved 700 lives, that's of course your back-of-hose character. Someone hands a note to this man.

I mean, he just call our doctor. No, but the headline says Lady Doctor saves some of it. Then I'm talking to the newspaper. I mean, yes, the past should have been better than ladies. You're right. I don't know who's that fault that you're, I assume, it's history. So someone hands a telegram to a more

reality that says, we know where you are and we're coming to get you. Holmes and Watson. He lowers his newspaper and looks at the bar, where Holmes and Watson are standing there wearing cowboy hats, but then someone walks by and they're gone, and it cuts to credits. And I'm like, wait, so is the final joke supposed to be that Moriarty lives forever in fear

that Holmes and Watson are coming to you? Yeah. Because it's not funny. And they can't be setting up a sequel, right? So what is this scene doing there? I submit to you. In a world where there are 51 minutes of deleted scenes of this movie, why didn't they just go ahead and make

a 53? Dan Stewart, what are your theories? Why do they include this moment? I don't get it. My theory is going very long. Let's go to final judgments about this theory. Not in the scientific sense, but it's a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie kind of like Elliot. I think it's a bad bad movie. There are some good jokes in it,

but it gets me mad. One is just like there's a lot of nothing in this movie. It's not funny enough for the amount of nothing in it, also it's me mad that they're like hey You like Sherlock Holmes? Sure. You like comedy of course. I do you like Rob ride. Yeah You like you Laurie who doesn't you like Steve Cougan? He's maybe the funniest person there is guess what? They're not the stars this movie But you will see them and it will taunt you with the movie that could have been So I'm gonna say bad bad forget me all Worked up over what could have happened. Yeah, I'll only a quick like for me the problem is what I said before like

I'm not saying you can't make a good Sherlock Holmes comedy But you're bumping up against the idea of like okay this guy is simultaneously the most intelligent person in the world and It can be asked but not like in an ask that like makes sense like you can be the most intelligent person in the world, and a complete ass, but not like in an ass that makes sense. Like, you can be the most intelligent person in the world. And believe me, Dan knows what asses makes sense. No, but like, you can be the most intelligent person in the world, and still be an ass. Like, you can be arrogant, you can be foolish,

you can like, because you're so smart, you like miss the obvious, but he's so smart, and he, as Eliot said before, hits a glass case of bees with a cricket bat. So the match just doesn't add up to Stuart. Yeah, I mean, it's a bad, bad movie. It feels like, you know, a couple of performers but put some effort in, but it feels like everyone else doesn't give a shit.

I mean, it's a big waste of talent. There's a lot of great performers in this and some of them are trying really hard, some of them are trying less hard, but give them better stuff to do, give them more to do. Give them a dream. A dream? No. No, it's not time for my song yet. Yeah, all right. If you're looking for a new comedy podcast, why not try the Beef and Dairy Network? It won Best Comedy at the British Podcast Awards in 2017 and 2018. Also, I'm on.

There were no horses in this country until the mid to late 60s. Specialist Bovine Asfet. Both of his eyes are squid's eyes. Yoga Buffet. She was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life. Farm raised snow leopard. Oh. Hmm.

Don't know it today. That's the beef and dairy network podcast for a maximum fun.org. Also, maybe start at episode one or weirdly, episode 36, which for some reason requires no knowledge of the rest of the show. Hey, everyone. It's I, John,

podgeman of the Judge John Hodgham podcast. And I, Elliot Kaelin of the Flop House podcast. And we've made a whole new podcast, a 12 episode special mini-series called I Podious, in which we recap, discuss and explore the very famous 1976 BBC mini-series about ancient Rome called I Claudius. We've got incredible guests such as Gillian Jacobs, Paul F. Tompkins,

as well as star of I Claudius, Sir Patrick Stewart, and his son, Non-Sir Daniels Stewart. Don't worry Daniel, get there someday. I PODYUS is the name of the show. Every week for MaximumFund.org for only 12 weeks, get him at MaximumFund.org for only 12 weeks. Get them at MaximumFund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Now a quick word from Squarespace. Guys, you aren't chumps. You've been listening to podcasts. You know what Squarespace is. It's a way to build websites to turn your cool idea into, you know, like something other people can see out in the world. You can blog or publish content, sell products and services of all kinds and much more.

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Guys, did I say 10% correctly? Here's the thing. Without Elliot to make fun of me, I really can't tell. That's the problem. It sounds the same to my Midwestern ears. The other sponsor this week is Raycon. R-A-Y-C-O-N, that's's Ray like the rays of the sun and Con like the beginning of Connecticut look around you. It's a wireless world.

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Now's the time to get the latest and greatest from Raycon. time to get the latest and greatest from Raycon. dot com slash flop house and now back to the movie that personally offended me as a Sherlock Holmes fan, although I guess by this time in the podcast we're moving on to interaction with the audience, Holmes and Watson enjoy the live show. Moving on. Okay, what do we do now? Now we talk to people who might have questions in the audience, we have gone longer than we normally do because we have felt way too comfortable

with the wide open heart out that this theater is giving us. But I was gonna go longer than we normally do, regardless of what they told us. There's no internal clock in this guy. Fair. But if people would like to ask questions, regardless of what they told us. There's no internal flock in this guy. Fair. But if people would like to ask questions, you do not have to,

it's not feel the must unless you're moved to the good question. It's not made to talk about this. There are two microphones on either side of this thing. There's a microphone over there. There's a microphone over there. There's a microphone over there. And you know what?

We'd love to hear these questions. But, Dan, I thought first, you know, I had a dream last night. I thought I might tell everybody about it. Hmm. I dreamed last night. I was on a plane to Portland, and by some chance I was standing on a stage.

All right, you guys are doing all the thing. I like that. And there I stood, and I said, I'm gonna waste some time with the song but my co-hosts there were filling up with rage and my co-hosts said shut up shut up and answer the questions my co-hosts said shut up shut up and answer the questions because the people are getting mad and you're saying he's giving them into just and shut up shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up, Shut Up, and here's a quick question. Thank you. Thank you. You know, this song irritates me on two levels.

Okay, you know, don't make one. It's so good. Just the normal level of the fact that you're singing a song. And number two, I love that song. I wish I could sing it in a musical. Not that song, but one you're referencing. Yeah, you know, because Dan, I had another dream that I'll tell you about. Okay. I dreamed a dream of this whole thing. Okay.

But in the dream we all were naked. But it was cool, it wasn't a thing. But boy, you know, Moitan was your face red. I don't know how the rest of that song goes. I've never seen what he is. Some day, I've got so much stuff going on. So many about tigers coming at night, you know, whatever. Somebody what?

The tigers coming. Wait, the tigers coming at you? Yeah, something like that, right? I've got to see this movie. Everyone, everyone. Everyone's thinking it's tiger. OK, they should call it, sing it, sing it, sing it, and it. OK, they should call it movie Liz Tigers. OK, let's start with a question over here.

Oh, wait, let me just say one thing. Don't worry about starting your question by telling us how much you love the show. We know it. Thanks so much for being here. We really appreciate it. So just take it for granted, we know that already. All right, answer your question.

Hi, my name is Harley. Hello. I know that you don't want to talk about it but I just want to say a Stuart that me and my buddy over there had a great time with the head of UNISBEL FREAK. Yay! And we were found that and it was great. Anyway so my question.

All of them would pass that's all right. So my question is, is both calling out and legitimately asking my hero, Elliott, who was well. I was calling out part. So I am kind of like, I really like animation. That's my favorite kind of movie. And when me and my friend watched the emoji movie, we felt that this is possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

I feel very strongly about that. And I was like, oh boy, I can't wait for the floppers to really dig their teeth in this one. And when I watched your episode, I was brokenhearted to see my own favorite Elliot Kaylin. Knocked that mad. He wasn't that mad. He wasn't that angry about it. I was like, Elliot, you were supposed to be my friend in this.

You were supposed to be my friend in this. Ellie, how did you explain your presidency of the emoji movie thing? Hey, look, you got a guy, you know, it's a teacher and you're such a great guy. Oh, I just got a... Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

You know what I think it was? I even having to watch that movie for the flop house, I was so relieved knowing that I did not have to take my son to go in the theaters and that he would never see it and never asked me to see it with him I was like you know what I I dodged a big bullet here like a Mario brother sized bullet those really big ones so but it is a it is a piece of garbage like it's a terrible movie so next time I'll be angrier I promise but this is what my actual question for all the floppers and Elliot, was there ever a movie you saw that you were really excited to hear like some,

like if you got a critique, critics that you really liked, you're just like a friend who's a penny and you're really respected and you were really excited to hear what they had to say about it, but it turned out to be the exact opposite or just straight up not what you were expecting. I mean, when I was a kid, I read, I was a weird kid. What a surprise. I was a weird kid. I read a lot of Roger Ebert's reviews. Like, I just like, read his earbooks cover to cover. And I found him to be a very fun writer on movies, but he had occasionally really, really baffling views on things. Like he hated Blue Velvet for one, but also like raising

Arizona. He gave like a one and a half star review to. And it's there were gasps from the audience. Rightfully so because it's fucking raising Arizona. That's a great movie. It's so I mean,, like... Who knows how he was feeling that day? You know, I think it was Robert Worsho who talks about like, you have an immediate experience of a movie, and you can't always control that, and it's something that has to be visceral, you know. Right, but like, it's...

So maybe he was not feeling well that day, I don't know. But, if I recall his review well enough, like, is one of those cases where he has an objection that you're like, how is that your, like, he says, it's something like, oh, I'm willing to believe in this modern day that there are people who have interesting and flamboyant ways of speaking, but everyone in Raising Arizona talks in such a mannered way, like I cannot believe it. That's part of what's wonderful about that movie.

Well, I can see how, I mean, I don't know why I'm defending him. I love raising his hand or something. I think he's wrong. But I can see how, in a world where the common brothers are not yet the common brothers. Right. If you don't go into the movie knowing, they're all going to talk in a high-falutin manner

that you could get tired of it. The same way that, like, before Quentin Tarantino was Quentin Tarantino, it was like, ugh, the long speeches about stuff that's not related to the movie. And it's like, that's what he does, everybody. Like, now you go and you know it's going to happen. I know. Stu, what do you think?

Was it when Stuart Gordon said that the cast of Break Didn't Rip his own ding dong? I mean, I don't know why you bring that up. A lot of people. I remember, I think one of my favorite experiences with a movie review was when Birdman had come out and there was a lot of buzz about how it was possible Oscar buzz. I remember going over to the dissolve while it was still around and pulling up Scott DeBias to review and I'm like, I can't wait to see what he says. And the first line of the review is Alejandro Gonzales in your redo is a pretentious fraud. And I was like, what?

Like I put down my phone, like it might burn my hands. That was fun. I don't like it maybe. Yeah. I don't know if we totally answered your question, but thank you for being here. I'm glad that one of the floppers doesn't like Birdman because I'm one of the only people I know who doesn't like it. No, we're united in dislike of a bad movie. Let's move over to the other part of the movie.

Let's go to the other mic. Hey everybody, thank you for the question from Rob Shebert. For the first, long time. So Stuart has expressed appreciation for ravishing Rick Ruud's airbrush tights in the past. Sure, yeah. But he did all the best, all the best heels of wrestling history. Absolutely, yes. But he didn't always airbrush hot ladies under the hood.

Sometimes he would airbrush his rival and what he was going to take from them, like the Intercontinental championship. So if the floppers were to airbrush some tights to intimidate a rival, who would it be and what would you take from them? Well, we know you would take Inurados two-year-and-a-row best director, Academy Awards. Certainly. Oh, boy. So Dan, who's your art

enemy? It's aging? Yeah. It's all our enemy. Oh boy, I'm a Yoda's. Yes, when I take my shirt off, I look at the mirror aging. It's definitely. Yeah. What is it? Why do you go? I don't know. I don't have any enemies. I love everybody. That's not true. I'm filled with hate. It's hard for me to narrow it down to just one thing I can airbrush on to tights. I guess I got airbrush John Wilk's booth. So I can, because I'm coming for him him because he's the greatest monster in American history.

That can't be true. Well, no. Well, no, I guess it's so I mean there's been so many monsters. Yeah, and not the fun kind of monsters There are a damn What I'm gonna hear you. We already talked about how I was going to take in your videos to Academy Awards. Or I could take... All right, let's find out. I could take John Hodgeman's memory putty. Like, it's a sick of shit.

I'm standing here on stage trying to think of is there an enemy of butts? And I'm not sure there is, so. Like Levi Strauss. That's right. Or like, Lululemon? Right, yeah. Sure, why not that?

All right, let's move on. Thank you for the question. You stumped us. This is a new game called Stump the Flockers. You just wanted over here, yes. Quick question here. Yes. A quick question here. So I have a question. Some movies have a poor or just straight up awful intro

or 50 minutes, but have a totally great movie that redeems itself. What is a film that starts out poor, that you like, that totally redeems itself later on. That's a good question, because usually it's the end things where movies fall apart. I'm sure there's movies that have, like,

yeah, that have, like, unnecessary prologues or bad prologues. Oh, yeah, I got one. Me, you say that. John Carter, the John Carter movie. Oh, yeah, that's a very good point. It opens on Mars for some crazy reason. It should open on Earth, and the rest of the John Carter movie. Oh, yeah, that's a very good point. It opens on Mars for some crazy reason. It should open on Earth. And the rest of the movie is great, I like it.

Well, the fact that that movie has like three openings, basically, yeah. It's like so many nested narrative sequences it doesn't make any sense. Yeah. I'm going to take that answer too. OK, cool. Wow.

Wow. That's even really hard to try. You guys Wow. That's even me. I know how to drive. You can't so jump on the bandwagon. I'm just moving this tub for three men. There's room on this baby for three men. No. There's a push here. There's a baker.

There's a candlestick maker on that already. I can't. No, the only thing that's coming to mind right now is, I don't know when this happened because I'm a fan's comics, but I'm not necessarily a huge superhero comics fan, but over the years, because Marvel has been so insidiously good at making me care about the characters they've introduced. I became a very big fan of all those Marvel movies in a way that kind of somewhere deep in my heart as a film bottom, you shouldn't like these as much as you do, but I really

do like them very much. And so I went with my girlfriend to Captain Marvel and she... Well, you get her remembering her rank. Corporal Marvel. I feel like the... It's Shipman Marvel or something. Uh, but she, like, is not like an MCU person. She's seen, like, three or four of them. Uh, well, that we live in a world where you're not considered a big fan of a series if you've

only seen three or four of them. I've only spent eight to 10 hours with these movies. I'm not a big fan. That's crazy. The point is just that I watched Captain Marvel. I think Captain Marvel is a lot of fun. But the movie does start with a lot of outer space bullshit. And I was sitting next to someone who's not necessarily

primed for outer space bullshit in the way that I'm like, outer space bullshit in the way that I'm like, outer space bullshit is fine. I'm like, you might be gonna have to apologize that I made her sit through all this outer space bullshit before we get to the fun part, but thankfully that was not a big deal. You didn't make the movie, it wasn't your choice.

No, that's true. But you reminded me of, I would say the movie itself doesn't totally redeem itself, but the movie, Dune, has some good stuff in it. But to get to it, first you have to slog through that opening narration where it's like, why are you telling me about the robot rebellion? Like the book Dune doesn't have anything about that. Like, I don't care how it got to here.

Like, there's warring houses that want this plan full of spice. It's all we need to know. I don't need to know about everything that happened between now and then. That's nuts. Enough. Anyway, Dune, you've been certain. Get. Yeah.

Dune, get the fuck outta here. Yeah, take your shine box and go home, Dune. I guess this is the reverse order. He's supposed to go home and get his shine box. But anyway, over there. Before the purposes of shining. You guys showed up in my life when I really needed you and I really appreciate that.

Thank you. No, you're welcome. I'm sorry for laughing. I was just imagining it says, like, touch by an angel, thank you. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So which Marvel movies actually lived up to the hype for you?

Oh, wow. I'm such an easy audience for that stuff. I used to read a lot of the superhero comics I don't. So I kind of like all of them, but I don't know, like, I never, I never read a lot of Captain America comics, but those are, it seemed to be the movies I like the best. So I'll say those, I like those. I mean, I don't know if, I don't know if as a nerd,

I really enjoy breaking Marvel movies. Yeah. I mean, I like the first gardens of the galaxy. I like Winter Soldier. I like Spider-Man Homecoming very much. Those are my pretty safe answers. Yeah. Well, I don't. OK. I'm in the dark world.

I'm going to go, where are we? Where are we? What the fuck are you? Oh, I'm scared. I don't know. I'm out of burn out Where the fuck are you? Wow, I don't know, Liam. I would have burnt out a wire over here. Yeah, I mean, I thought Endgame lived up to everything. I wanted it to be pretty much.

And that one had the most pressure on it for me because it's like, well, I've spent over 10 years, I think, with these characters. And in my comic book reading life, I've spent 30 years with these characters. So like, can I spoil things about the movie years? It's still too early.

No? OK, I won't say the name of this movie. It's out of the theaters, I think. Is there no possible way that movie is out of the theater? OK, that's true. This is something, and I've talked about this before, I think, on either our podcast or other podcast. It really inspires me that America was divided.

And it's become united around the concept of no spoilers. I feel like not since that dark day, 18 years ago, has America felt such a unified sense of purpose that we must not spoil these science fiction and fantasy related products. But it was like, this thing better happened in the movie and then it did. So that one I was like, I was like ready to be disappointed.

And yet I walked out, singing as happy a tune I can after, what happened to some of those characters? So names not mentioned. Names were active. Hi. So when I was a kid, the scary hallucinations from young Sherlock Holmes really scared me, but rewatching the movie as an adult

not scared at all, very good for you. Congratulations. Yes, thank you. So my question is, are there any movies that really scared you as a kid and as an adult not so scary and what those movies and what about the movie scared you?

Oh, Peebe's big adventure. The whole large, large scene. I had to cover my eyes when I knew she was going to turn her head and her eyes were going to bug out. And that drives a taxi cab and goes busters, who's like a rotted head. I couldn't look at those. And now large-marge, I'm like, oh, this is ridiculously goofy.

It's just stop-motion animation. But then you got something like Foolsfire that Julie Tainmore made. Oh, yeah. And that still frightens me. And it's like, it's all puppets except for two people. And it's like a retelling of hop-rock. And it's like, still something so creepy about that one. Yeah.

It's a thing that puppets. I'm going to do the thing that politicians do and answer a wider question that you didn't ask. Because I can't think of a movie. But I do remember very distinctly that I have two older brothers and older brothers love to continue talking about things long after they realize that they're terrifying you. And there was one night when I was small when my brother put on talking at 77 which contains psycho killer on it.

I was listening to a song. A scary song. I was listening to a song titled Psycho Killer, and he was explaining the plot to my other brother of Kerry and Death, the tales from the crypt, EC Comics story about a convict who has another dead convict on handcuffs to him, he's going through the desert, and at the end, he's being pecked at by vultures.

And the surprise reveal is that he was already dead at that point. And a startling take on the end of Frank Norris' novel, McTee. But the point is like, no, no fans of naturalists, literature around here, I guess. The point is that he's getting jokes about the octopus, Frank Nors' other masterpiece, alright.

Is that about a killer octopus? It is not. It is about a fight between a railroad line and grain farmers. It's great though. Well, here's a song, a new wave song by a band that would turn out to be my favorite band as a girl, and a tale from the crypt story which are inherently silly as a girl to realize, oh, these are just goofy things and I was so scared by the confluence of these two events and it should have been a degree that I think my brother's got trouble when my parents came

home. Wow, you've knocked on them? Or were you like, catatonic at that point? Yeah, I was like, cool. Well, I'm gonna get you the actual question. I'll just, I'll just get it. Dan is crawling under the table. I assume to suck his thumb and rock back and board. Yeah.

The movie I remember, I remember seeing Return of the Living Dead Part II at a sleepover, and I was terrified of zombies for weeks. I would like, when I was in bed, I would like wrap myself up in the covers in a ball, so no zombies would see my body parts, so they would devour them. Oh, there's no brain inside those sheets. And like watching it, like watching it as an adult, I'm like, oh, there's just a comedy. There's a comedy that just happens to have zombies in it. So yeah, return to leaving the part 2, watch it. Thank you for the question. Good question. Good question. Hey, peaches. So the way that...

Sure. Yeah, I know. You said it. There's a bunch of these. We all been there, look. So if you had to take a movie that's been flopped and turned into a cinematic universe, preferably one that wasn't already attempted, like, say, the Tom Cruise mummy, what would it be? The Dark Universe. Well, there was a certain Timothy Green who had a

little bit of an odd life and I wonder what other strange and mysterious creatures exist in a world where leaves can grow on a boy's legs. And maybe he fights a Baba Duke I don't know. Yeah, I mean, we've already seen what happens when fairies and leprechauns have children. That creates dewee guns, as we all know, from the hit movie, dewee guns and leprechauns. What other mythical creatures could have sex and have weird monster babies. I don't know. We're talking about a fly pass movie specifically I forgot with the building. Yeah, you're building up a lot.

You're right Dan, that was 40 seconds ago. You're building a cinematic universe around movies that we have talked about on the fly pass. Okay. Or that we've reviewed specifically. Not we've talked about because that'd be like stop making sense all the time. Let's say stolen and move on. Wow, all right. That's a good one. Yes sir.

I Ryan, last name without. You guys make a lot of references to the Muppets. And I wonder are there other classic stories that you would like to see the muppets take on? Like, let's say the muppets Odyssey. Oh, I mean, it's not too different that I am surprised there hasn't been like a muppets Allison Wonderland and that could be pretty fun also because it opens it up to just having act after act after act

because the Allison Wonderland has no plot other than Alice like meeting a bunch of animals that are rude to her at different boys. So I don't know. I mean, I think the Odyssey is a great choice. and one lane has no plot other than Alice is like meeting a bunch of animals that are rude to her at different boys. Yeah. So I don't know. But like, like, like the Odyssey's a great choice. Yeah, like Muppets, Monfire, the Vanities, like that.

Does that match him? I was certainly prefer to see a movie where, let's say, Cormorita's Sherlock Holmes and Fuzzy is Watson. It's so perfect. Why haven't they done that yet? Yeah. Yeah, and we'll just watch. And Miss Piggy is what's her name?

Irene Adler. Irene Adler. And like, and Stella Waldorf are like twin Moriartis. Ha ha ha. Oh, and Lestrade is like a... God's like Scooter, I don't know. I would say Santa Eagle, because he's always like, oh, those guys, oh, a couple of weirdos.

Oh, that's so perfect. Why have they done that? Dan, you got to go make that now. You have to come back. I know what that is with my life. Fairly well, everyone. You got to pitch that to the Hanson Company. OK, well, no.

You just walked out. OK. We never saw him again. No, OK. Now that he's eventually we find him him and he's just like a homeless man at her bridge with like he's made muppets out of like discarded rags. I did it. I did it Elliot I did what you told me am I a good boy now Do I get all the butts now damn damn and the sad irony at that point would be he was a good boy. Hey, he's back in room. He don't tell me we're talking about him.

Let's go over what about you? Hey, here's a fun fact about this theater. All the other stage doors are locked. What are you going to do around this? Okay, so yeah, I can do a little bit. Oh, yeah. Well, like, go down and do some crab work, like, Nikkei, and like, climb in there like, Nikkei,

like, just on that preacher. Walking on chairs like, Roberto Benini. You don't like that. Yeah, what are you? Wait, where are we in this business? So Stuart, are you the, do you have a muffin for us? Should we just go to the next question? No, no, no, I don't even like the muppets. LAUGHTER

Hi, my name is Vince. Last name are redacted. Wow, security reasons. Okay. So, me, my friends, host a local bad movie and cult movie night. Thank you, Mr. You're welcome. Thank you, Mr.

You're welcome. My question for you is, have you ever had a movie that is so bad or so unwatchable that you decided to just can it for the night or the... I mean, we would not go through that pain and not do an episode. We have had movies where the technology seemed to have rejected the film. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The forgot.

2000 BC. That Babylon AD. Babylon AD. Tell those, tell those, 10,000 BC, I thought we released. We did. We did. It was Babylon AD. Babylon AD was the one where the computer had, it's 10 issues

fell off against the first time. And what, beastly, we recorded half beast. And then a low- little pirate radio station. Snuck into the feed. But yeah, there's never been one where we've been like, no, we won't even talk about it. Let's forget this ever happened. Oh, I see you guys on the street corner, let's pretend we don't know each other. There have definitely been times like, Dan will show bad movies that is apartment sometimes.

And there have been times when you've been like, this movie's not going over so well. Yeah, I miss the audience. Well, you host a bad movie. Please get into it. It's a bad movie horn. I know, once you show what brain dead, brain dead. Brain damage. Brain dead is the Peter Jackson one. Also great. Brain damage has, I don't know, some questionable scenes about what like a woman about to get a blowjob. A prostitute gives a blowjob to a parasite worm, alright? Which then kills her.

And so for whatever reason, this unsuspecting audience that you attract into coming to your home, was not into it. It wasn't a great fundraiser for a preschool. In retrospect, that's an obvious call, but at the moment with the intelligence we had at the time, you made the right decision. I hope the public embarrassment of me answers your question. We have... Looks like we got two questions left. One over here and one over here.

Good math. So... Thank you. I'm here and one over here. Good math. So. Thank you. How many regular Sherlock Holmes, if you will. My first name is Fiona. Last name, redacted. I have a question about if you were to host last year. You're in my room.

Sorry. Go on. The last driven. Yes. Did you have a break thing? What would be your two movies and what would be your persona? Oh. Okay.

This is a challenging question. What would my two movies be? I mean, I feel like I would have to pick at least one store-court movie. I would probably pick, I don't know, like, Stuck, or King of the Ants, something that you don't see a lot of. But other than that, it would have to be something else that's gross. Can you think of a gross movie story?

Have you ever seen a gross movie? Like a gross movie, huh? A gross movie. Something that might make me want to, wait, clarify. What's this? I could not let the night go away without some kind of steward reference to. Yeah, yeah.

So I would say, I'll do, you're leading the witness, man. I'll do, I'll do stuck the movie where the homeless man gets hit by a car and he gets stuck in a windshield that's pretty horrible and I'll do a should a movie about cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers that is bad. Thank you. As you may remember that Joe Bob Briggs said to us he does not care for. I'll have to think about my persona though. Oh yeah, so yeah, this episode one of Flash Drive. Well, who would your persona be? I'm gonna have to think about that.

Okay, well I would obviously be America's Wiz Kid. I'm a kid who made a lot of money on game shows and it drove me insane. And I'd probably show in the mouth of Madness not the best John Carpenter movie but my personal favorite, the best being the thing, everybody knows that. Come on. It's the other perfect movie next to Alien. And the other one would have to be the scariest movie ever made, Persona. The Ingmar Bergman story of two women whose personalities begin to merge and it's super scary. Obviously my persona would be a really happy guy whoever one loves.

Yeah, yeah, it just like brings joy wherever and like never gets made fun of. Just, you know, just like, you know, like, you're barely working through some shit here tonight. It's like I'm getting it. You're classic party guy that people are really excited when he shows up. They're like, oh, the party's going to start a dance here, you know?

Like, this is you talking to your stuffed animals at home telling them how the day went. And I would show, we're trying to live in dead, which is maybe my favorite horror comedy and what was the other one I thought of that has gone out of my brain. It is Prince of Darkness, the John Carpenter movie, which I think is great calls. Undercene. He does a lot of neat stuff with video formats in that. Yeah. Uh-huh. And I beside my, uh, my persona would be like, if you had an alien crime boss, right?

Follow me. And that alien crime boss, instead of being made out of, I don't know, say, normal flesh, like an alien, would instead be made out of a giant mound of pizza. Now, what would be a name for a type of character? Like, it's difficult. It's difficult. You would want pizza in the name of course, because that's what my body is constituted by.

But how to finish the name? What's the perfect word to come at? At what words perhaps? To come after. I mean, I would be a title, of course, that would describe what my body's shape appears to look like. Maybe it was like a, a, a, a peak-roofed home. Okay. So Kaya, Kwanzeh. Kwanzeh, yeah. I still, I'm still working through. We'll figure it out.

Sir, please rescue us from this hell. I love going to it, and that's why he's called that is because it's what his body is shaped like. You're the last question of the evening, please. That's a really tough question to follow up, but I'll do my best. Which two movies share a cinematic universe by having the same actor? Like, do you think maybe Tony Stark

was inspired to create Jarvis after witnessing the events in Weird Science. Probably, that's a plausible explanation. The one that comes to mind most readily is that the character Bodie in Point Break was very clearly in a younger time in his life, Dalton from Roadhouse. That is the same. I thought in a younger time in his life he was the dance Roadhouse. I mean, that is the same. Oh, because I thought on a younger time in his life, he was the instructor, the dance instructor,

in the caskills. And even younger, he was a, he was Johnny, the sexy instructor. I mean, in a real sense, trading places and coming to America exist in the same universe, because Don Amici and Ralph Bellamy literally play the same characters in both movies One of those movies. I love it. Have since I was a kid the other movie don't care for

Wow, well always leave them guess it. Can you guess which is which? Let me let me tell you I don't like the one where a man is ripped by a gorilla Not a fan of that Not something that should happen to anybody regardless of whether they swindle some money away from somebody. Wow. Elliot's willing to lose friends over this. Not a funny thing, according to me. And I'll jump backwards. I have this crazy, crazy fan theory.

Stay with me here. That the banjo playing frog in the muppet movie is also the journalists and the great muppet paper but that it can't be the case because the journalist in the great muppet paper has a twin identical brother a pair

present the muppet movie he oh my god wait a minute wait a minute all right we've uh... waste your time with our shenanigans, much like Womens and Wattson. Well, look. Damn, well, you'd seem like you were on something. I'm one of those toys that's been wound up and has run down. Yeah, we need to put a string in there.

There's merchandise that we're selling. We'll be out there next to it if you want to talk to us and then wrap it up. In this building, I know that was pretty vague that We'll be out there next to it. If you want to talk to us and then... In this building. I know that was pretty vague that we'll be out there next to it. So there. In the world of merchandise exists. We're not just going to find a store and hang out in it.

Also, some very wonderful local listeners have arranged a after party at their big monsters, which is a bar that I am told is within a couple of blocks from here. And after we're done with our merchandise selling, we will try and stop by. Yeah. And that's- We will stop by. Try and stop by. All right. Well, look at you, hedging your bets.

Trying to create suspense. I'm too tired from signing my little fingers. Well, I need to put from signing my little fingers. Well, I need to put them in a tiny bed. That's what I call my sleep gloves. My hand's tiny bed. And that's how you night lotion, without getting fucking lotion all over your blanket. I feel like you're okay. It's all tied up anyway.

That's the one thing that's tied up to something we were talking about in a conversation earlier today. Oh shit! It was not mentioned on the podcast. We're tying up loose ends from before you guys got here. Uh, please. Thank you for being here for so long. And for putting up with us, thank you so much Portland for having us. Thank you to Revolution Hall.

You've been wonderful to us. Thank you for the day. For the plaza. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Stuart Wellington. You know me, America's Rascal, Ellie Kaelin. Good night, everyone. Good night, everyone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and Culture. Artist-owned, audience supported. I wonder they see it better than anything they got on their To see me design with greener in so far videos is me You dream about going up there, but I'm just a mystery