The Flop House - Ep. #315 - Hawk the Slayer, w/ Felicia Day

Episode Date: June 20, 2020

"Hollywood" Kalan really worked his connections this episode, to bring us the utterly wonderful Felicia Day (of The Guild, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural, MST3K: The Return, and much more) to discuss seminal high fantasy, low budget epic "Hawk the Slayer." Meanwhile Dan drops a crazy Pink Panther fact, Elliott launches an insulting guess-by-mail contest, Felicia is intrigued by some fish-eating prowess, and Stuart's in this fantasy discussion like a fuckin' fish in water.Also, we're no longer accepting receipts for the charity raffle, but the whole video livestream show is available for viewing on our YouTube page. We give an exact figure in the show, but between you generous listeners and the show's own donations, we raised about SEVENTY THREE THOUSAND dollars for charity. Thank you so much for doing good in the world!Wikipedia synopsis of Gemini Man.Movies recommended in this episode:Knock OffDeep CoverSlow West

On this episode we discuss... Hock the Slayer! The movie that dares to ask the question, what if you watched your friends play D&D for an hour and a half, but you didn't get to share their Doritos? Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey Dan McCoy, it's me, Stuart Wilrington. Over here is Ellie, Kaelin. Usually I'd waste a lot of time doing some kind of bit

where I introduce my name and it takes a while, but we don't have time for that. Because I wanted to introduce our special guest star for this episode in actual honest to goodness, television superstar. That's right, superstar, I said. You may know her as the creator and star of the guild. You may know her as a best-selling author.

You may know her, like you do know her, as King of Forestry on Mystery Science, Theater 3000, the return for Netflix. Very excited to have Felicia Day with us today. Thank you so much for joining us. Hey! Thanks for having me. Now Felicia. What?

What? Damn, I guess this barely started talking already. I have to search for her. I had an opening model. It seemed like she had paused, but I, yeah, I know. This is historically my job on the show is to do things wrong. Oh, OK.

I'm very good. I've never been, I'm usually best um-kept. Like, I want to be a street archon for the rest of my life. Every G&D character is street archon, street archon, street archon. And it's just what I have to do my hair and makeup. No, all I wanted to say was I of course uh and the biggest fan of Felicia from her work on uh Buffy and Dr. Horrible

but I would be I would be remiss in uh not mentioning that during the quarantine a lot of people are doing watch alongs my friend had a watch along of for her birthday of all of the bringing on movies. And I was delighted to see her as the goth cheerleader in the second of those films. I was a cheerleader, cheerleader, healed by cheer. Like I was the gulf of that Lorena, here by cheer, basically.

That was a blast from the past. That was a weird, that was a weird job. That's when I realized it that's when I realized, not realized it, but I did wonder why the director would hit on everybody. We won't go into that though. You're hearing the Hollywood gas. Yeah, exactly. The behind the BTS.

Should we explain what we do or do we want to talk about stuff? Yeah, we should, we should probably explain what we do. I mean, Dan, Dan, how many years have we been doing this show? It is about 12 years, I guess. And yet each time all 13, all 13 and each time it says if you've never done it before. You have a freshness about you, Dan, like you've never been behind a mic before. And that's really, that's really impressive that you've been doing this 13 years. It's like somebody bonked him on the head

and there were little birds tweeting around him. And then they pushed him onto a microphone. I just started riffing, you know? Yeah. It's important. It provides kind of a ramshackle field of the show. So people think that we're just there, maybe it's friends. Yeah.

I love, like I said, unpolished is my by specialty. There's nothing worse than trying to look good. You know you have a booger in your nose. You know I'm saying you walk out, you got toilet paper in your shoe. And yet if you're the guy who points or the guy or or lady who points their nose and goes check it out a booger, you're everybody's best friend, all of a sudden. Like if you call yourself out on it, You call yourself out on it?

Because I always tell other people, and then they get mad at me that I told them, and I'm like, did you want to go home and see that was in your nose and imagine all the people that saw you with a bugger in your nose and just go over and over and over and over in your mind all night? I mean, that's what I would do. Yeah, I just started to stare at the dark corners of the room,

thinking about all the mistakes he've made and oh man. No, no, Stuart, get out of that darkness. Stuart, I can't believe I said that. Are you doing your bit from? Oh my god, he's sweeping. The live show again. Oh boy. Okay, so hawk the slayer, guys.

So maybe Dan, what do we do on this podcast? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it. I mean, I always feel bad that the concept is baked into the podcast, but it's also prejudging the film, because I don't know what these guys thought of it. But mostly, they're bad movies. The moves that we have been led to believe are not so good. So you don't like do a Godfather situation here, or you're not like watching, you know,

Shill List? Maybe the third one. The third Shill List, the direct video on where it's dogs. There was a really good show. Wow, that's the one that I don't think people have reviewed. I have to look on Rotten Tomatoes. That's a real, very low list. Shill List I have to look on rotten tomatoes. Yeah, it's very very low. It's twist. Oh No, not a fan

So, but you're making a face as if you were not the person who introduced the idea of a Directive video sequel to the Shambler's list and yet I I am the one who gets It gets you're right fair fair point fair point. We're all centers in this world uh... it's uh... you're right fair fair point fair point we're all centers in this world uh... i will say i think at time of release this movie was not particularly thought of well by critics and i think it was a box office bust and i know i know this is a movie that came out in nineteen eighty and i was curious how well it did

so i looked up on box office mojo by mdb pro uh... i don't know why i'm giving them brand name sponsorship but uh. But I looked up domestic box office for 1980 and it was not in the top 68 releases of that year. That's as far as the chart goes. But back in the back in 1980, they released thousands upon thousands of movies. That's true. That's true. I had the drive in theaters, right? This was like number one in Topeka on the west side. Not on the east side of Topeka. Oh, wow. It's weird that this split. I know which percentage of Topeka is better, but yeah. It's split those demos up for the purposes of box office

reporting. That's where the like basically one of stars families lived. Yeah, so they all went to see it. But this movie also, so the movie we're watching is Hawk the Slayer. I have a question for Stuart about it in a moment. But first, this actually has a previous flop house connection and that it was directed by the director Terry Marcel, whose daughter Kelly Marcel wrote the 50 Shades of a Gray movie, which we did on this very podcast. So I can see connections.

Yes. So when it was written, but that's who's the daughter wrote it and the dad or the mom wrote this movie No, no the dad directed this movie and also I think the movie and I hope he may have co-written it Let's see. Let me take a look. Yeah It's and he co-wrote it and directed it and then his daughter went on to become a screenwriter as well So it's a schlock legacy. Oh Yes, oh very much so that's a writer as well. So it's a schlock legacy. Oh yes, oh very much so. It's a proud family tradition. I guess is the way you call it. Now Stuart, my question for you is Hawk the Slayer. You were very big

on it. We asked Fleashow, what kind of movie would you like to do it? And she said fantasy please. And Stuart said, Hawk the Slayer in big capital letters in a text. Now what was it about this movie that that really had you you going? So there's, you know, I have a couple of connections to Hawk this layer. It's mentioned in the first season of Space, you know, the Edgar Wright show. And I remember being like, what the fuck are they talking about?

So I had to look it up. And then I used to, when I worked for, yeah, I was really mad at the show. I turned my TV to face the wall. And when I worked for a games workshop, I had some English co-workers who were big fantasy nerds, and they also, you know, they were fans of Hawk the Slayer for some reason.

And then the third reason I mentioned it is the exact day you texted me, somebody told me their brother suggested we should do hawk this layer for the show. Wow. And I felt like you were in a person's brother. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I mean he's probably gonna listen now, but I feel like I want to be surprised and be like, oh my god, like by mentioning it to this other person and then mentioning, you know, like that his his his game of telephone actually paid off.

Yeah. He's like, what kind of power do I have that I spoke at and it came into being? Yep. Now, on a similar line of questioning, this is with some big exceptions, fantasy is not necessarily my genre. But Felicia, I know that, I mean, one of your first ways of coming to prominence was the guild. And you said fantasy. Is it something that you particularly connect with? Oh, yeah. I live in another world. My life is a fantasy.

Okay. I have read every fantasy novel there is. I have watched most things that are fantasy based. I even watched the Shunara show for a while. Okay. That was wretched. So I will do anything with a sword or a drape or a horse or a turret.

I mean, I am like a sucker. I'll watch a little bit of anything. I am a turret whore. Okay. So like, and I know a lot about history, so I realized it is just a fictional account. Like, it's literally like a people wrote about our time and it was like the Jetsons. It's so far-moved of a reality that we created a fictitious universe that is this chivalrous

sort of time where women were so happy. They weren't dead bodies, everybody, everybody didn't stink, but at the same time I love it, and that's my, it's sort of like a fairy tale kind of thing. So yeah, I have watched that, but I did not watch this movie, and thank God for the introduction to it. Thank God. I think we're going to have an interesting dynamic here between those of us who probably enjoyed the movie, and those of us who did not enjoy the movie as one co-host

who will be named later texted me multiple times while watching it with his disgruntlement. It wasn't Stewart. But we'll get to that. Let's talk about it. Listener's right in. Right in with your guesses. Stop the podcast right now. Right in with your guesses.

Right. Was it Dan, care of Dan McCoy, one, two, three, any street, New York City, Brooklyn, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, one, USA, Earth America. I don't want to give too many spoilers too early. I will say it's not so much dislike as boredom, but we'll get to. All right, interesting. Well, let's talk about Hawk the... Let's talk about the Hawk, which as I guess probably should have been the slogan on the poster, because the slogan on the poster says, beyond the edge of darkness, there's a world of sword and sorcery, but it should have been, you're going to talk about the Hawk. Yeah, I thought it would be like, can you talk the Hawk or will you Hawk the Talk? That's even better. That's

even better dude. Yeah. Some people walk the walk. This guy talks the hawk. So he talks to hawk? No, no, no, no, that's not what it's about. And with Lady Hawk coming out, I think that was probably later that totally owes all of it. All the hawkdom. And then the third moving, the trilogy, Hudson Hawk. Exactly. Exactly. It was just a generation of hockdom. And this was really the bird of the decade.

Oh, it was a hock game. It was a hock game, too. People loved hock. That was a story about a baby who got into falconry, right? And the baby was holding a little glove with a little baby falcon on it, which now I think about it is kind of the plot of Kiz, which is a terribly sad movie.

Okay, so hawk the slayer. We open with an opening title that has some kind of epic myth stuff that, you know, just kind of the same basic stuff. We don't need to get into it. I didn't write it down. Because quickly we are introduced to the villain of the piece. That's right, Voltaan the dark one, Jack Palens, wearing a helmet

that covers half his face because they, I guess, didn't have the makeup budget for his heavily scarred face to be on screen for more than a, you know, the minute at the end of the movie. Voltaan is infiltrating a castle. He wants his dad's secret to ancient power. And how would you describe the room that his dad is in. It's probably where Trump takes a poop. Yeah, that's it. It's a great, yeah, it's got gold shiny gold walls, and there seems to be some kind of dry ice hot tub just in the middle with like gold statues over it.

I love this more than anything in the scene. There's two sort of gargoyles on either side of the hot tub, and they have this look like they're a kid from 1980 doing a headshot. It's like that cute. It's the cute little two fists under the chin going hey I actually rewatch the whole sequence just looking at the gargoyles face. It feels so much like they wanted a Creepy gargoyle but all they could get was like little angel statues and they're just like, pan-and-golds, stick them on the hot tub. What are you gonna do? Come on.

Yeah, I, uh, this is the kind of room that if I was playing a game of true dungeon and this was the last chamber, I would not be super bummed about it, but I wouldn't be very happy. I've done true dungeon, that's amazing. I figured somebody would appreciate. Ten people in me. That me, Stewart, thumbs down to that reference, not in my real house. So, so Voltaan is fighting his dad, right? Now, they look roughly two years apart.

And Voltaan seems older than his dad. And now this is, I think the main issue with casting Jack Palin's as your villain, but then deciding that the villain and the hero should be brothers. Because Jack Palin's, by this time, let's see, this is 1980, he was 61 years old at the time. And you do not want a 61-year-old hero. And so you end up with some very old brothers. He looks to be about a little bit older than his dad. And he wants the secret to ancient power. And his dad is like, no way. And while he's

arguing with his dad, Hawk is, is this one Hawk, one of the times when Hawk is writing on his horse for a very long time? Yeah, it's like exterior darkness, interior light. He's like two time zones over, but somehow just arrives. It's amazing. I'm like, what? Why is the castle in midnight? And then he's like, it's cold now. It doesn't make any sense. No, it's and they do, I don't remember if they do it here, they do, a number of times, Hawk will be riding on his horse and they'll just cross dissolve to him riding on his horse and then they will have to solve him riding on his horse with the image of him riding on his horse and it's like it felt like they were they they really want to

make the most of this this hawk riding horses footage. Hawk I'm hoi but there's always a lizard watching him. Yeah, lizard or snake yeah. And it's a disco it's disco lizard. So basically disco lizard watches hawk ride through the woods. As long as we're talking about hawk riding through the woods which is approximately 90% of the movie i also would like to say that every exterior and this movie is uh... a patch of the woods that basically looks like the other patch of the woods we just saw

with uh... about like let's say ten smoke machines on overdrive making this background and often holly uh... hollywood adventure skulls just tied to trees. Yep. There's so many bones tied to trees in this movie. But anyway, Hawk shows up. Hawk bursts in too late. The dad is dying. Voltann left, I guess, and the old man gives Hawk his magic stone that he kept in an amulet around his neck. Voltann couldn't crack that code. No, he couldn't get the sword off the wall either. He didn't even try.

Just like dad, you're dead, I'm out of here. Yeah. And the stone goes into the, so the handle of the sword, which is called the mind sword, for reasons that are never really explained. I guess because you can control it with your mind. It's a hand and the hand opens up

and holds this glowing stone. And his dad is like, now you've got the power and you're gonna to use this and Hawk wills the sword to his hand and it floats over and that's when we get the title, Hawk the Slayer, drawn by hand as if it is the first bootleg like EP release of a heavy metal, of like a hometown heavy metal band and it is copyright chips productions which is maybe my favorite thing that I've ever seen. Yeah that was my favorite, I was like chips. What has something done?

Did they do chips later? It's just kind of like their side project. And this is an English movie. So that means it's copyright French fries productions, which is even better. And I'm gonna go out on a limb right now. I mean, the instant this movie started, I was like, movie, I'm totally yours.

But then when the theme song started playing, the music is genuinely amazing. No, no, the music, I actually would, I would listen to the soundtrack. I would listen to it. It is genuinely amazing. It's disco, tech, somehow. Yeah.

It should be like, the tron, you know, like it's not, it's not appropriate for anything that anything on screen. It's really quite good. Yeah, I tried to see whether it was available for purchase, actually. I mean, you can get as MP3's, but not any other format, but I was like, yeah, it's like disco. Some of it sounds like the Disneyland Main Street electrical parade.

Some of it sounds like Ennio Morconi. It's way different than anything you would see in a modern fantasy film or here. The Marconi comments, interesting, because I think reading up on the trivia behind it, I guess they were trying to go for like a western but set in a fantasy sword and sorcery realm. And then like.

That was clear. That was clear with the long expressionless closeups. They kept cutting back and forth. Are they trying to do a spaghetti Western with like, and I was like, wow, that would have been cool had it worked in any way. Yeah, the only way it works is the music and when they show people shooting crossbows

and it's just like, it's amazing. It's my favorite thing in the world. It's my favorite thing in the world, those crossbows, because they're machine gun crossbows. Oh, yeah. And it's just them showing the same piece of footage over, like, cut really close together. And when, and less, I've never seen an elf shoot arrows

so fast. Sorry, I was like, why does anyone have a sword in this world? You have to all be using machine gun arrows or crossbows. Like, I'm like, nobody can hold a candle to this one-handed crossbow artist over here. Yeah. Well, I'm like, nobody can hold a candle to this one-handed crossbow artist over here. Yeah. Well, that's one way in which this fantasy medieval world is better than the real world is there's a waiting period for crossbows in this universe. Oh, I see. Okay. They closed that loophole, that

bowl-tall. So anyway, there's a guy with a crossbow, and his one arm is wounded grievously. He goes to a convent, and he's uh... a guy with a crossbow and his one arm is wounded grievously he goes to a content and he's like i'm from a village and vault and destroyed it they were laughing and they amputate that is a very cool that painting i think we can all agree right sure it was pretty cool yeah and this man is ran off and for a while you'd be mistaken in thinking that that he's the hero of the movie because it takes a long time for a hawk to come back for a while this is the adventures of randolph looking for hawk

uh... which by the way better actor oh yeah oh yeah well i wanted to say earlier when elli was talking about the problem with jack pounce being the brother the other problem is as many years older jack pounce is that's how much more charismatic jack pounce also is the hawk is coming back i mean by the time this movie came out jack pounce had been in movies for roughly forty years

like either the reason he lasted that long because he's got a because he's super cares mac and he's got creepy face uh... so uh... vault and meanwhile he is his face gives him such pain that he has to go to this kind of weird dark wizard god who talks to a uh... audio an audio filtered voice and who uses late finger lasers to cure him

of his pain temporarily. And this is another moment where I was like, yes movie. Thank you. Yes. No, it's amazing. It's like the most janky, lasics I've ever seen in my life is screaming and it still doesn't work. And I'm just like, what are you doing?

You put some anesthetic on there, man. And they never really explain what dimension this wizard is in or how he gets there. He'll just be talking to his men and go, I have to go, my face is in pain. And then he's suddenly in this kind of red dimension where this wizard hangs out waiting to shoot lasers into his face from his fingers.

It's so out, but the wizard. It reminds me of like a sound bass person in Silver Lake. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I totally una-credited. He has this belief that it's gonna fix him and that belief and cash, a cash money payment is gonna really cure him. He's like, well, I could go with what Western medicine says with a lot of quotes around it, but I think the harmonics are what's really gonna take the infection out of my face., this dark, I was calling him a dark God, but later they referred to him as a wizard.

He's like, you have to go to this convent and do something to lure Hawk out. So Voltann and his son, whose name is Drogo, they go to, although later on it's revealed that he's an adopted son, they go to this convent, and he and his son kidnap the head nun for a ransom. And they say, we're going to ransom this. And then just to make the threat super clear, Voltaen cuts a loaf of bread in half with his sword, which gets its own shot. It's a chia bada.

It's my favorite shot. It's a chia bada. It's one of those, like, it's a very, it's either a hamburger bun, a large hamburger. It's like, you know what it is? it's a schlatsky's bun, have you heard of schlatsky's? Yeah, yeah. So, you're actually, that's actually the kind of role

that we're using for our sandwiches at my bar, Hinterlands, which is now open for to go service. Oh, so interesting, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you have to, you have to buy a jumbo tron for that kind of business message.

Why, I'm just talking. If you cut it with your broadsword like that, I'm there. I need to see a broadsword cut and I'll take it that away. I mean, I have to assume it's free if the customer will chop it in half with a broadsword, right Stu? No, that's kind of like a geococcus. You got a cookie-roan, you got a cookie-roan beef, and then at this place, you got to cut your own chabata with the odds are not a fan of those I'll hold the Chabada and then you'll carefully cut it in half using your broadsword I don't know if it will probably require rolling a critical hit

Now what what kind of armor class is on that? Chabada has a five or maybe it has a very good saving throw, a very sturdy saving throw, a real, a real bouncy Shabbata. Yeah. So, so, Reynolds, the Crossbow guy, he reports to the, to the Abbott. And the Abbott, he's like, hey, this,

I was at, I happen to be at this convent, and this, and the head nun got kidnapped. What do I do? I'm just a guy with one hand and a magic machine crossbow. And the avid says, get Hawk. He's done work for us before. And that sequence, I remember, because the avid was on fire the whole time.

Like, they shot him in a way that there was a fire underneath him the whole time. So he looked like he was literally standing in a fire the whole time which It's uncomfortable. And he's like you need to find this one man and his name is Haw. And then that's when I raised my fist in the air I put down the Warhammer miniatures I was painting and I put my fists in the air and started chanting Haw over and over Yeah, Haw, Haw, Haw, just like in the mighty ducks, but Haw instead of Quack I will mention that the the high-abid is played by the actor Harry Andrews who was in a very great movie called the hill

Wish on Connery, so it's a much better movie than this But this is a this is pretty fun. It's less fun than this but it's better anyway some great British character actors It's show up and I hope we highlight them as they oh we will, we will. When the innkeeper showed up and I was like, I know that innkeeper, forget to him for sure. And speaking of great British actors that we're gonna highlight, Hawk is riding through the woods for a while. He's not time for the main adventure,

time for the introductory quest. A woman is about to be burned by two brigands at the stake as a witch. And this is something Hawk does a lot, which is ride through the woods until he comes across an injustice and then kill all the bad guys. And he murdered a lot of people for being good guys. There's a lot of murder.

There's a lot of murder. And something that I wasn't ready for, but which I found kind of refreshing, was how stern and humoralist Hawk is. I'm so used to like your Chris Pratt or like Robert Denny Jr. type heroes in these big movies now these days to have a hero Who is so incredibly humorless and just as like yes? Well stop that or I'll kill you. Okay killing you now We're not paying the ransom. It wouldn't be worth it. Volt-Anne must die. It was like wow this guy's not even trying to entertain especially Considering he has that cool like Homsolo kind of vest that he wears around.

That uh... And guys, do you think, do you think I'd look cool if I had a hawk this layer haircut? Oh boy, it's like, it was like a bowl was put on the front to put the bangs and then it's a party in the back. Uh huh, yep. A hawk pile. Yeah, when I go to my stylist, I'll say,

okay, first put a bowl of my head. Now push it back a little bit. Yeah, these would be a super high-gang line. No, take the soup out first. Or don't, if that's the secret. To style. Yeah, the soft silky hair is minestrone uh... so he's gonna say there's a long stare down

very long stare down that's where that spaghetti western aspect comes in between hawking this bad guy then there's a sword fight and he saves this which this which is played by patricia quen that's right from i-clotty is today interview her on the max one podcast i-podius yes i did so that's another little connection i-cl connection. I Claudius is Patricia Quinn playing here the blind witch who can see all and has magic hula hoops later. That's iPodius hosted by me and John Hatchman on Maximum Fun iPodius wherever podcast. So a lot of on paid for advertisements here. Hey, which who was she in I Claudius? She was Leville. She was the one who was in love with Saginis, Patrick Stewart's character and goes crazy

with evil. And it gets her come up, but she's really great in it. Just like when she was magenta and rocky horror picture show. Yes. I guess most people would know her as magenta and rocky horror picture show, sure. But I don't have a podcast to promote off of that. Whereas, she did go next year. La Villa, where I interviewed her.

So the witch is like, hey, someone's looking for you. I know these things because I'm, because I'm, even though I told those guys I'm not a witch and I was just trying to cure their pig, I am actually a witch. He rides through the woods for a while, past a lot of bones, there's a lot of half dissolves like said. And finally, Randolph has had a run in with some brigands, and they're about to kill him with a hatchet throwing competition. It's lousy with brigands around these parts, right?

It was a dark time where the woods were full of brigands, and there were no town servilages later on they go to a blacksmith who just seems to have a stall in the middle of the woods. In the middle of the woods, yeah. I think they shot in one half acre and they just kind of twirled the camera around, twirled it around. They were like- It's sort of thing where you like, you toggle onto your map and then you're like, I guess I'll put a fucking waypoint out here. Yeah, how?

Can I fast travel on that bone? Well, I guess I'll check it on four square at tree with bone next to it. That's the business now. He saves Randolph and Randolph was like, oh, you're hawk, I've been looking for you, I've got a mission for you. Meanwhile, Voltann is terrorizing a bunch of people. I think this is the scene where his son calls a guy, a dork, which I thought was hilarious or amazing.

It was hilarious. Amazing. It was amazing. Yeah. This is, they're, they're, they're, uh, angering some guys, uh, at an inn and the innkeeper, I was like, I know that guy and I looked up and that's the actor Roy Canier, best known as Rooka Salad's dad from Willy Wong in the chocolate factory. Oh, wow.

That's where I recognize it from. Yeah. I thought it was a lot of people, but I didn't really know. They're those kind of characters actors. You're like, oh, I saw that face, but I don't really know what their name is. Yeah. He, he was in a lot of stuff, but that's, really know. Those kind of characters, actors, you're like, oh, I saw that face but I don't really know what their name is. Yeah. He was in a lot of stuff but that's the thing

I've known best from. Yeah, I was going to say that's definitely the big one people, especially of our age, would know from. But he also was in help the Beatles film. Yeah. Now, would you call that the Beatles best film? No, I would not, but it's pretty good. You know, it is overshadowed.

It is overshadowed by the fact that a hard day's night is a masterpiece, but Hill has a lot of funny stuff in it. Help is fairly racist as I learned when I was rewatching it with Samy recently. I was like, oh, there's a lot of English people playing Indian assassins in this. That's true. Although it does have Leo McCurne TV's Rumple in it, which is one of the things. I know best as number two from the prisoner, or one of many number twos. Anyway, so Voltaen really terrorizes Rooka Salad's dad, and they kill some people. Voltaen, it's unclear what his power is.

At first, he seems to be like the dark lord who rules over this land, but other times he has to keep introducing himself to strangers and threatening them to like get them to respect him. So it's fair. There are two people eating and Drogo is like stop eating and stand when Voltaan is here and they're like, who? I'm eating right now. They mention that they're slavers and it'll come in later. So that's good foreshadowing. We have a flashback to Hawks wedding day. It looks like a douche commercial. Like, yeah, full on douche commercial. It's white. There's this very badly makeup. The woman has the worst makeup I've ever seen in my life.

It's like a child got an eye shadow palette and just smeared it on her face. It's really bad. I feel bad for this actress. That actress is Catriona McCall, who was in a bunch of like Lucio Fulcci movies. She was in a lot of Italian horror movies. That's cool.

And so, but it's, she doesn't get much to do here. Other than to, it professed her undying love to hawk, although apparently she used to be Voltaan's girlfriend. I love it so much. Yeah. She's like, we're just friends, dude. Yeah, she totally friends Zones Voltaan in this scene. And it's like, I just married your brother.

He's complaining that while he was at war, his younger brother was, you know, like using his silver tongue. But I'm like, I don't know, dude, you're really old and look like a skeleton. It's like, I wanted to hawk to be like, wait, you mean your daughter, right? Like I'm like, I don't know, dude, you're really old and look like a skeleton. It's like, I wanted to hawk to be like, wait, you mean your daughter, right? Like I'm marrying your daughter. But the, I mean, so,

Voltaan is like, hey, Lady Aliane was supposed to be mine, and it's weird to bring that up on the wedding day. You'd think you'd bring it up before the actual day of the wedding. She, Voltaan runs off after saying she should be his and she gives haw Hawk a little charm for protection, which is kind of like what Celtic cross almost. And we'll find- It does come into play later. It is like somebody did some work on the screenplay because it's like,

oh, that plays in later, much later. Oh yeah. Everything they plant has to pay off mostly. They travel through, anyway, Hawk and Randolph, they go, he's like, we're going to have to travel through the haunted forest of Weir to get my compatriots for our fighting party. And it's fine. It's just like, they're riding on horseback through like a haunted house forest because like little, little, a little toe that looks like baby Yoda did a lot of meth and it just keeps popping up and as a puppet, people. There's a little toe that looks like baby Yoda did a lot of meth, and it just keeps popping up as a puppet. Yeah.

Like they cut to this little baby Yoda meth kid, and then they're out of it. It takes like five seconds from the Dakota's haunted house woods, which I love more than anything. It really, the build up for the haunted house woods, I think it takes almost as much time as the actual haunted house woods. Yep. And he never get off their horses. And it's, it's almost, he's like, I hope you're not afraid of being looked at by a gross

puppet. Because that's what we're about to experience. There's only one puppet, but we're going to show it a lot of times into parts of the woods. And they, at the, when they're on the right of the forest, they're back to the witch. Kind of, I don't know why they had to take so much time to get to her uh... and she takes them to her magic cave where she's gonna transport uh... hawk to get each of the members of his uh... fighting party his old

buddies now how which of you guys wants to describe her method of teleportation what it looks like and how it works is that the two spinning uh... hula hoops yes magic hula who magic yeah that there there they're they're spinning sort of like imagine like one Hula Hoops. Yes. Magic Hula Hoop Magic. They're spinning, sort of like, imagine like one Hula Hoop when it stops spinning

on the ground and it's kind of like going around on its edges, sort of gyroscope style. Like now put two of them together. Not having to. And then make it like neon colors, because that's completely appropriate. I think neon is the color palette of magic in this movie as you'll see. Yes.

Yes. In the big climax. Magic looks a lot like stormtrooper lasers in this movie. Or alternate looks like someone is throwing glowing bouncy balls through a door from off camera. It's the Hulu Hulu magic, the The Hulu hoop magic looks like an exam. And like, if you're at a science museum for kids, where they're like inertia can keep this Hulu hoop standing up.

As long as it's moving, that's what it reminded me of. Okay, so, uh, she sends him individually to get each of the three members of the party. There is Gort, a giant. Uh, who's pretty tall, I guess. He's not like, and that's giant, giant. and he's played by the guy who played the Cyclops in Crow. Is it the same guy? Oh wow that guy's been in some awesome stuff. Yep And so he is and we meet him as he is fixing a Merchants wagon and then the merchant won't pay him so he breaks the merchant's wagon wheel again

And he carries a big hammer that I think is supposed to look heavy, but it's you know It's very clearly made out of a very light balsa e material Mm-hmm and hawk shows up and it's like hey come with me. We got an adventure and they and he but he kills a bunch of people too The giant right yeah, there's a lot of just murder and it's like let's go be good guys like in the sequins after sequins just civilians and brigands who are mildly maybe chaotic neutral but they're dead they die. Yeah, there's a feeling of like after after a couple situations you're like I think you're looking for fights guys like I think you're trying to make this happen. Yeah, they're not they're certainly not deescalating. That's for sure.

Nope. There's a point where Voltaan is kind of the lesser of two evils. Well, you're like, OK, I guess Hawk is mildly better. But then he goes to my favorite member of the group. That's right. It's Crow, which Wikipedia describes as a reticent elf.

So reticent. He wears kind of like a stitch together leather red hoodie. It looks like pepperoni, or maybe the inside of a skinned human. I can't tell. It's the most repulsive texture on his armor. And I just love it. I love it. And he is my favorite character ever.

He is so they're clearly going for like last of his kind brooding figure. But mainly he does. He sits there and he examines arrow points he's just had made for a long time. He's challenged for an archery contest, which duh, he wins. But he's a super fast Bowman, hanging out

at the farest blacksmith, just like the kid who hangs up at the skate shop, just looking at the new boards. Is that more of a blacksmith or a guy who makes bows? That's right. He's probably a fletcher. A bowier, ayer a boat no a fletcher makes aero but he's making arrows he's giving he's making arrows making arrows but somebody now poses what a bow bow bow a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a bow you a make arrows. Very good question and yes that's what she murdered people with. Oh, she's right about it. Yeah. Now that's I knew I worked with someone once and they had two children named Piper and Cooper and they're having a third child and I so wanted them to name them Fletcher. All their children were renamed after medieval tradecraft but they did not

disappoint. That famous surname, Wheelwright. He wins this archery contest. Nobody I think is, oh no, one person is killed. And Hawk comes by and they're trying to hustle this elf. And it's like, dude, don't try to hustle an elf wearing a pepperoni hoodie for an archery contest. Like that goes without saying. The minute he pulls back his hood and you see his elf ears,

she should be like, Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I don't, I don't want to trouble you. Just like the Zee me said, that's one of the classic plunders. And the final member of the group is Baldin, a joky dwarf, who we see who he's about to be sacrificed in a Viking funeral pyre by the. Here, Krishna's. Yeah, by this kind of here, Krishna he called. And he gets saved. His, his special ability is he a Viking funeral pyre by the by hair christianist yet by this kind of christiany cult and uh... he gets saved his his special ability is he has a whip

which he used as not used to save himself hawk saves him instead he whips a fish out of the river and then eats it whole to six and a half he eats all i mean it's really the sexiest thing ever seen this this dwarf actor whip the water take a whole cot or whatever trout and

just like rope like a dolphin eat it. I was just like wow there's no point at which in this movie I can calm down because I'm always surprised with something that. Oh yeah it's you have to be like so does he have his teeth and his throat like what's going on? Is it like when Heathcliff would take a whole fish and he's mouth and pull the bones out. He was like in his audition. They're like, I see that you can't you didn't list stage combat. Do you have any other skills that might be useful for this role? And he's like, when he should ask, he's like, I brought a cooler with me today. The five heroes, they've been assembled. they're all that Patricia Quinn got them all together

and she's like, well, they only paid me for so much time in this movie. I'll be back later, time for you to go to the convent. They go to the convent to find out what the mission is, they've got to save the head abyss, there's another flashback in which Elion dies saving Hawk from Volton. Volton throws what a dagger at him, and she gets in the way of it. I think he shoots her with a crossbow, actually. Oh, right, I forgot, it's all crossbows all the time.

It's just full crossbows. We get a scene where very prolonged scene where the giant is going to eat a whole chicken, and then- It's the longest dialogue in the whole scene. In the longest movie. I was like, is this still going on where the dwarf is tricking the giant to give him his chicken, which is clearly like a Cornish hen?

Yeah. But it just does not end. This is the director thought, this is the funniest scene we've ever done. We're going to let them just riff. Well, people are going to be talking for years about the dwarf tricking the giant out of his chicken- the chicken trick scene.

The famous hawk- this layer chicken trick scene and it goes on for a long time, but luckily the dwarf manages to pull it off and he does eat that chicken and he eats it with just as much grace and elegance as he ate that fish earlier. Just shoving it into his face and hoping some of the meat gets to his mouth. They're like, okay, they Voltaan asked for a ransom. We were going to get the money for this ransom and that there's a nun there who does not like hawk in his pals. You know, she knows that they're trouble.

Maybe we're got to her about how many people they murdered on the way to the convent. But they're like, we've got to get some money. And you know what? Maybe we'll cause some trouble at the same time So they go to the river where the slavers are and Kill all these people and free their slaves, which is a bunch of guys in like very surprisingly skimpy loin claws and For no reason at all they set up the giant sets up like a torture trap for one of the guys I was like who is the bad guy here. They murder 30 people here

They let the slavers go and then they put like a flail over this bad guy's face, and then his head gets crushed in, and then they do like a quip. And I'm like, are these, do I like these people? Not really. No, no, they're tough guys, but it was a tough time again. This is a tough time when Voltaen was ruling the airwaves, and everybody was doing the hawk.

I do like that the lead slaver guy who were introduced to spilling food out of his mouth. I like that even at the end, even when he's face to face with a giant, he's like, I think I could still win. Yeah, he has a lot of pluck that slaver. So I took only in them now looking up, because I forgot to

separate so the man who plays hawken voltans father uh... the actor for the main he was three years older then jack pannels so i was wrong earlier when i said jack pannels the oldest person and then maybe i know when he was three he had a child and that's how the jack pannels and he was in a surprising number of actors in this movie reenberry linden i guess because there's a lot of english actors in barylindan

have we reached the point? Also, I'm sorry, I wear the actor who played Erkule in a shot in the dark is in the movie. I don't remember. As an older man, yeah. Apparently this actor, I looked him up after that, the fact, like the guy who played Erkule was actually in more Pink Panther movies than Peter Sellers because he was in one of the posthumous pink Panther films He was a friend of Peter Sellers from the old days and he

Was in makeup for a lot of the other like he's the the in keeper who's like the does your dog bite scene? Okay, so he's also in this movie. I can't remember as whom though. And I think a few of these actors were in episodes of Doctor Who. Oh, oh, see, so... So, you're talking about a Graham Stark. Yes. Who played Hercule. So, he's, yeah, he plays a character named Sparrow, who I don't remember who that is in the movie.

But, yeah. He's a, that's right. You know what? I didn't remember who that is in the movie. But yeah, he's a, that's right. I, you know what, I didn't recognize him. And I should have, because I love those movies. All right, okay, but that's a size point. I can't feel too bad about it, because they've got their money, they killed a bunch of people, but Voltand's son Drogo, his blood is up. He's like, I wanna go on more raids.

I wanna go lead, I should be doing stuff, instead of just hanging out in this tent with you, but dad, Voltann, and this none you're keeping in a cage in the corner of your tent. Very strange. It's like a big dog carrier cage. And Voltann threatens him. And I can't remember exactly why he threatened him. He's just irritated that his son was just talking about it.

I don't know. I was distracted because it looked like anthropology. He really decorated the interior of that tent with the anthropology. Even the cage looks like anthropology chic. Oh, yeah. So I kind of like that scene. Very flowy. A lot of flowy kind of like.

A bold pattern. Yeah. Yeah. And none is like, you know, I can cure your face. At this point, I was like, oh, his face was the problem because he's covered. He's got this helmet that covers most of his face. And at the first time you see that wizard shooting lasers at him, it's not really that clear what he's doing.

He's helping him in summer. But he goes, it's impossible. I've tried. It can only, I can only have the pain taken away and that only temporarily. And then Voltand's son is like, what? Hock stopped all those slavers? Hold on. I've got a plan.

Cut to Voltand just getting lasers shot into his face by that wizard's fingers. And every time Voltaen is like, ah, it clearly hurts him to have the treatment. So, I don't know, maybe should I have the nuttry it. I do the same thing every time I go to the gym, you know? Yeah, screaming. Just screaming.

Hawk and his dudes plan what they're gonna do, they are not going to pay the ransom. That's for sure, because they're like, if we pay the ransom, then Voltans just going to kill the none anyway. So we might as well just not do it and make Voltans come here. And the nuns are like, can you please save our Abyss, which I think was the quest that you were given and Hawk was so- And why did you kill all those slavers to get all the money when you're not going to do anything with the money?

Yeah, yeah. And that's a very good point. And hawk at this point is clear that his larger mission is to stop Boltan. He doesn't really care. I just really hope he finds it. And the only thing I remember is that every time you go to the inn, it looks like it's like some kind of like open

just trough of food. There was like a huge thing of small chickens and celery. It doesn't feel like a huge thing of small chickens and celery. Like it doesn't feel like, you know, a place of worship, it just feels like kind of a bad, you know, restaurant. Because there's just tables there the whole time. Yeah, like a dining hall. I don't know where the nuns like say prayers unless it's during meals.

Since yeah, it just seems to be a place that nuns serve. I mean, if you were nuns who were trying to keep the place you say prayers, I don't know, separate from where the murderers are, I would probably just keep them corralled near the food trough. That's a good point. They're not going to ask a lot of questions. Speaking of food, the dwarf tricks the giant with food talk again. And I can't remember if this is where he tricks him out of food or he tricks him into not eating his mixed nuts in a bag that he keeps. Maybe that's later. This is the running gag throughout is that baldness constantly tricking gourd out of his food. The bad guys, they finally attack the convent, Drogo goes to get the ransom, and he steals it.

The good guys end up killing most of the bad guys, but the nuns are real and happy. They're like, that was not helpful. Why are you doing this? She is not happy what's going on. Drogo goes back to Voltan and dies in Voltan's arms. And Voltan is so sad that he orders his henchmen to fight him so that he can kill them as kind of like a sacrifice to Drogo's honor.

It's very strange and his head is. And his head is looking at each other like is this was this part of the job when I started hold on a second like. Classic masculinity guys. That's it's. Yes. Well nobody nobody stopped Voltaan when they could when he first started this behavior and now I think he can get away with anything you know. It's just not fair and he talks later about how like, no, women would be with me and it's like, dude, maybe that's your fault. Maybe that's, maybe that's not on anyone but you.

Maybe it's not your weird, pussy eye. Like, it's the Middle Ages. Have you seen the other people in this movie? It is not, it is not a fleet of dreamboats. I think you could, if you had worked on your personality, I think you could have made it work with somebody. Voltaan goes, he rides up to the convent and announces to the nuns, I'll be back tomorrow. And when I come back tomorrow with my men, you better give me Hawk and the gold or else, which begs the question, why didn't he just do it then?

Why did he give them a data like plan? And why did he show up by himself? Maybe he was just, he just wasn't thinking rationally, he's so sad that his son got killed. The heroes decide they're gonna go on the offensive somewhat because the witch, Patricia Quinn, she teleports them to Voltaen's like henchmen camp, and they just, with a magic smoke,

to cloud them with, and they just slaughter people. And this is when you get the most repeating crossbow bolt moments and the most repeating pro arrow bolt moments where they're literally just showing you the same shot, cut together real fast, both crossbows and crow this bone arrow. And it's amazing.

Yeah, it's great. But there's so much smoke and the only thing you could see is the end of Hawks sword, which makes him the best target to kill. You could see that glowing green sword. But then it's okay because the two guys who have the arrows and the crossbows will just mow down everybody anyway.

So who cares? And they never need to load either of these. Like you never see Crow cocking an arrow or knocking back an arrow. And you never see that. Not so fast, he's so fast. And you never see the other guy cocking as crossbow. It's just unlimited shots.

It's amazing. It's like what is it? The roach in the Punisher Roach in the service comics? It's got like twin, twin crossbow bolt guns. I did not get that far into service. I have to admit. So I'm gonna take it. Well I don't think it's now is the time to pick it up. No, no, I mean been hearing so many great things about it. You can stop after what is it? High-sighted church estate, whatever one's later. So, that missed they go, oh, the smoke is clearing.

We've got to leave, but it's like you guys are doing great. Like you're destroying everybody. I don't, why don't you just finish the job now? You're at Fulton's camp, I don't, anyway. There's a move out. We got to go back and save our game. Yeah. Hawking company. They go back to the convent. Yeah, maybe maybe they burned through all their like single use abilities for the day. And they need to redo our spells. Yeah.

You're saying they're taking a short rest. So what? Oh, look at damn. Look at this. You forced me. You forced me. And here's like this movie, I'll just, before we finish the film, like it does feel to me like, you made a dungeon to dragons movie in so many ways. There's so much traveling. There's so much like assembling and people like figuring out what their abilities are. There's a lot of like, yeah, resting, like attacking and then being like well uh... the rules say we got to stop now so let's go i mean this is totally a film to larp

this is what i'm interested to poor better and worse now how it now tell me why for better and tell me why for worse but say it like the comic strip for better or worse but say it like the comic strip for better or worse. Oh god. Uh, something about Barclay. Is he a dog? Probably with a name like Barclay unless it's Charles Barclay. Are my thinking about the dog from Sesame Street or were they both Barclay?

Anyway, have I distracted you with this? Yeah, possibly. I still want an answer, but I guess I don't need it anymore. Uh, but you're right. I hadn't even thought about that. It is like it is a larp movie What was that why am I forgetting at the name of that documentary about the larping group like Dalcon or something like that? It's like you're watching their game anyway the nun who does not approve of

Hawk and his fellows refusing to free the abyss and instead just murdering people left and right, she goes to Voltann and helps him get the drop on a hawk. Uh-oh, Voltann sneaks in with all his men. Well, first she poisons the giant and everyone else that they, with a sleeping draft. Go sleepy. They all go real sleepy when they woke up, when they wake up, not woke up. I mean, woke up, because it isn't the past tense

that happened already. Let's say wake up. Voltann's got his sword at their necks and they got the drop on him. And Fulton, I think then kills that nun or does he just punch her? Yeah, he kills her. He just stabs her right now. He gets her later, I think, right? I know.

I thought he killed her right in front of there. Like, oh, you won't be able to see it. And then he, like, killed her. And everyone's like, no, you didn't. Like, even his henchmen are like, whoa, over the line, boss. Yeah, and they're like, before when you challenge our friends to a fight to the death, we thought you were a little weird. But there's a couple of nuns who look alike.

And so I thought he killed her and then later on another nun showed up and I was like, wait, but is that the same? I don't know. But I think he does. He, he, he, he, uh, Voltand taunts them for a while. And then the Jorf taunts him back, and he stabs the Jorf. Who's tied up?

Even the nun wasn't tied up. She could have conceivably batted the knife out of his hands. Uh, and Voltand's like, oh, this is maybe so mad. I need some more magic face treatment goes to get some lasers in the face. Uh, and the witch uses her magic. Isn't my favorite movie,

favorite thing in the movie? There's three or four favorite things in the movie, the moon loops, the fish eating, but when the witch goes into the combat and attacks a guy with silly string, and he is incapacitated and wrapped up with silly string, like literal silly string, I think I've laughed harder than any copy ever.

She holds up her staff and just shoot silly string out of it. And it's another one of those moments where you're like, now's when you're doing that. I think I've laughed harder than any copy ever since. She holds up her staff and just shoots silly string out of it. And it's another one of those moments where you're like, now's when you're doing that. Like, like why not take me to six? She sticks her little wand, which kind of looks like a little blow gun through the crack in the door.

And the guard, like, there's a couple shots of the guard, like eyeballing it and being like, the fuck? And like approaching it slowly and you're like, dude, I know it's gonna happen, but I didn't know it was so much crazier. Yeah, it is a lot of silly string. It's not the regular amount. No, no, it's like literally a cocoon of silly string. It would incapacitate me, the silly string.

Oh wow. Yeah, and you're the hardest of all of us when it comes to silly string existence. Yeah, And you're the heartiest of all of us when it comes to silly strong resistance. Yeah, you really have the best saving time. Now Dan, what's interesting is that in this scenario, you are projecting yourself as one of Volt-Hand's guards, which it's interesting to see yourself in that position, whereas I would be like when a hawksman who are not great,

but you know. Identifying myself so much is just expressing that, you know, like this guard who probably got fired for all this. No, he's dead Dan. He's dead. What? He got fired from life. He's dead.

He was suffocated by that silly strain. Yeah. I got to text some people. Wow. Because when I was watching it, I was a text of people. Because when I was watching it, I was like, yeah, if you didn't even know them that well, yeah, I was I was watching that scene I was like, yeah, I'd be the kind of witch that shoots silly string out of a staff at people. I think that's what I do and I'd have neon hula hoops. The the dwarf balton unfortunately dies even her magic is not enough to save him.

But as he says, he dies the way he wished, surrounded by his friends. And they make a little grave for him, a little grave because he's short. The witch, then, it's another moment where she's like, OK, I'm going to help you. I'm going to, something about, I'm going to blind them with a hail of magic

or something like lightning. But what actually comes out is kind of a whirlpool of fake snow and glowing bouncy balls that are just bursting through the door of the content at the band-in. It's amazing. She's the best thing in the movie. Yeah, it's incredible. And she is like, she's I'm a big fan of her performance in this like she has just the right amount of like mysteriousness. She's the only one. She's the only one that has any dignity whatsoever. And Lily. And She has the best shots. There be scenes where like she's in the extreme foreground in profile and she's talking to people who are in the background face camera. It's very Ingmar Bergmany. It's almost like she was like you're going to have to do better when I'm on

screen. Like come on. The bad guys are all blinded I guess by this hail of what you could buy. I mean now I'm realizing a lot of her magic is just stuff you could buy in the gift shop of like a science center or like Spencer. Yeah, Spencer's. Yeah, it's just like glowing balls, glowing hula hoop, silly string. Well, Elliot, to the, to the uninitiated, that sort of thing might seem like magic. Okay. Thank you, Arthur C. Clark.

You're paraphrasing Arthur C. Clark's famous dictum that to a lower civilization, novelty gifts would appear to be magic. She's just throwing like aprons with naked ladies painted on the mat bag. And so I'm trying to think what other stuff you could buy at Spence Games. Tricking people into thinking

that that cart actually has a pair of testicles hanging on it. So, they're all fighting. Voltan takes the giant and the nuns of which there are now three, I guess that's all there ever were, a prisoner, and it's like Hawk, give yourself up, we're all kill them. And he's got some elaborate trap and Hawk is like, okay, that's all I'm gonna do. He goes, put your sword down.

Now take off your vestments. I don't know why he has to remove his vestments, but he does and he's like, well, if you'd like to pray, now's the time before I kill you. And he kneels down and he holds that cross pendant that Ilihan gave him when she was, when she, they got on their wedding day and what is revealed inside of it.

A little tiny deagger. Yep, it's like a little switchblade cross, which begs the question, why did his fiance have that? Just for cocaine. Oh, just for cutting up lines. Now, this is where I have to, I was doing the dishes and I took my eye away. So how did he use that dagger cross to save the day?

He threw it, right? And then he got his sword. Yeah. Then he pulled his sword across the room and he's like, you have the power of the mind. And then I wasn't paying attention to this. I think he threw it and it cut the bonds on Gort the giant who started the Ashen dudes. Then he called the monster. Then he called his sword. And then it's like, you have the power of the mind. And full time dudes, then he called a sword and then it's like you

have the power of the mind and Voltaugh was that's mine and then they start doing some and then blah blah blah. It's amazing that at that moment is when Voltaugh realizes that that Hawk has the minestone sword which he's been using all movie. He's been he hasn't he's on the back like why is this a revelation? Also, he left it in the first scene. It was right there. Yeah, he could have taken it first scene. It was right there.

Yeah, he could have taken it. It's also, you'd have to assume it's part of the legend of Hawk. At one point, someone's like, uh, word will get around that someone is looking for Hawk when they tell Randolph that, and it's like, well, that kind of word travels. Then you'd think the fact that a guy has a glowing sword with a hand on the end of it would also get around.

But I guess it's kind of like the old teen wolf problem of how do these other high schools, how do they not heard ahead of time that this one high school has a werewolf on its team? Because you'd think that kind of thing would travel. You'd think at least the coaches would tell each other, watch out for this team, it's got a werewolf on it. Yeah, you would think some desperate coach would show up to a game with a pistol with a silver bullet in it. Yeah.

Or perhaps those teams just have all signed NDAs before the game. Like, why do we have to sign this? Don't worry about it. In the efforts, they're like, oh, we wish we could tell people that we lost to a werewolf. Can't break the NDA. You don't want the werewolf to sue you.

I like Stuart's version, though, where the, this coach shoots Michael J. Fox, and then everyone's horrified. He's like, what? He was a werewolf. Yeah. Do you not see it? We were all here. Yeah. Like a real strung out basketball coach like Ben Affleck in that new movie. Yeah.

And he's like, and I also have some things to say about how you're putting on a high school play where the Confederates are the heroes. Because that's a larger issue too. Boy boy, Teen Wolf. We've got a lot of explaining to do. So anyway, there's a very slow motion sword fight between Voltaan and Hawk, and I couldn't tell if it looked cooler in slow motion or Lamer, because it's one of those things where clearly you're not going to get a fast motion sword fight from Lamer. It's Lamer, that it's in slow motion. Very much Lamer. Surprise, Hawk wins, and we finally see Vol see Voltans horribly scarred face as he dies.

Was it, did it live up to the promised guys? It looked like a butt boil on his eye. Kind of like a tomato, a snack in there. It was pretty gross, but I was just like, wow, you really need to get that looked at like this. Whatever natural homopathy you were getting done on this eyeball, like you need to really go to the doctor. Yeah.

I know you like, I know you like your wizard friend. You feel bad, but maybe you should go see an actual doctor. Maybe it's time to stop applying milk work to it during the full moon. And just, you know, talk to a, talk to a dermatologist. But I was like, oh, that was it. You could have gotten by And just, you know, talk to a dermatologist. But I was like, oh, that was it? He could have gotten by with that, you know, again, middle ages.

You got, you got elves and stuff running around. But Voltand dies, finally. The world is saved from Volton. Hawk and his pals leave, but, uh oh. That evil wizard god, he floats into the room like an evil orco and is like, hey, he does look like orco He looks exactly like orco. I was trying to remember the name of it. It literally is orco He floats in and then he's like sequel time bitch. Yeah, he's like we have plans for you dark one

We're not done with you even though you failed completely at everything we set you up to do But yeah, he's like evil orco. He even sounds a little bit like orco and then then I think he does. He does. I was I totally forgot. Thank God you brought that up. Because I was going to ask you like, what was that cartoon character? What it was? Thank you. No, my pleasure. Look, if if we could just to have you on for that moment, I appreciate it. I can sleep now. I can sleep. I didn't sleep too much. I can sleep. And hot and the giant is like, I hear there are some rich barons up in the north who are paying for guardsmen. Perhaps I'll make a little gold coinage and they're riding together. The crow, the elf, has disappeared at this point.

I didn't go back, I don't know where he went to. I don't know, I'm like, where'd he go? I love that guy. Pepperoni, come on. I guess he's got to go get himself a new hoodie because that one is getting a little ripe. Just wearing it around in the forest for days on end. So Hawk and his giant friend are riding along and they see who's this in the forest. Patricia Quinn, oh, some wizards are meeting in the south for bad business.

Hawk is like, hmm, perhaps you should go to the south instead, go to the giant. And the giant's like, I guess I won't be making that money after all haha and they write off to the sequel which was never made but which I assume would have been called Hawk the surprise bad guy where he would turn out that like everyone suddenly realized like oh Hawk is really misusing this mine stone sword by just slaughtering people left and right now okay I think they actually tried to kickstart a sequel like 10 years ago maybe, for Hawk the Hunter.

Wow. It just feel like that seems like a downgrade being a slayer. From Slayer. So what would be an upgrade from Slayer? If we're all following cube rules, hyper slayer. Okay, that's a big cube rules. I mean, I guess Stuart, in metal terms,

what would be one step up from slayer? Again, slayer, top tier, if you like that kind of sound, it's not my favorite. Big four, I mean, metallic is the next step up from slayer, arguably. I guess that's true. Of where it's like, it's slightly more melodic and slightly fewer songs about Nazi work criminals.

Slightly. What would you, so Dead's Dan's Pitch for the sequel is Hawk the Hyper Slayer. Do you guys have pitches lined up for the sequel? Because Hawk the Face Nassure. That's pretty good, yeah. It's pretty, and pretty good. Yeah. It's pretty, and very specific.

Yeah. My real one would be Hawk, the kindergarten cop, where I was going to go undercover as a kid. Gotcha. So here's the story. There's a kindergarten, and guess who's the principal? Voltaan. That's right.

He's training these kids to be evil, wizard sacrifices or something. Looks like someone's got to go undercover. Because Hawk can't just walk in there, Volt and will recognize him. They're brothers. And so he's got to go in as the new teacher, H.O.K. Mr. Harold O.K. And he's teaching the kids his own brand of, here's how he uses sword, here's what a Mindstone does.

One kid talks about how his dad is a real sex machine just like in the original movie and then uh... I don't know what happens at the end of kindergarten cop they've got to climb up an electric tower something like that I don't know Elliot. All I know is we talked about getting Felicia out of here early and you've introduced a whole new bit at the end of it. Okay, let's just call it kindergarten hawk and we'll deal with the details later. So Dan, what do we do after we talk about the song? I'll read the treatment. I'll read the treatment later. Okay, I'll give you a note to you. If I get notes on that, that'd be great.

Can we, and we can attach you as a producer? Possibly star. You know what? I'll have to read, I have to talk to my people. Okay. My people will get back to you. That's fair. Maybe it'll be my three-year-old. Okay, what we do now, this is the final part of the movie portion of this movie podcast. I mean, we talk about movies later, but whatever. You know what I'm talking about. And that is where we make our final judgments about whether

this is a good bad movie, a movie that was funny in its badness, a bad bad movie, a movie that we just didn't like, or a movie we kind of liked. And that's self-explanatory. I think I'm the dissenting voice so maybe I shouldn't go first. I don't know if I should go last either. Just go go. Okay. I will. All right. Dan. Let's get out of here.

Here's what I would say. I this is not a unique notion to me. I'm sure although I came to it on my own so I'm gonna take credit for it Ram it is damn we've known about it for hundreds of years No, I was gonna say like Movies are obviously about the plot of the movie but also in a way they are all Documentaries in that they are time capsules of when they're made and Bad movies. I feel like are often or low budget, let's say, movies, not bad, are doubly so because they can't afford big costume designers or whatnot stuff that might, you know, people are like bringing stuff from home, it feels more of the time, and so on that level,

I really enjoyed the movie. I liked all the silly stuff like the glow and balls, but on the downside for me, I don't want to make it seem like I don't like fantasy. I feel like I insulted something very dear to other members of the podcast right now. I like it a lot, but it is not like the first genre that appeals to me. So usually I feel like there has to be a thing specifically I connect with, whereas this movie feels like it was sort of generated by a random fantasy movie generating machine. It feels very basic in the plot, and I don't want to be too down on it because I think although fantasy literature was a thing before this for a while, the sort of high fantasy, um, like, like, well, I mean, like, but this specific like Tolkien-esque like thing that then sort of took over a lot of fantasy, um, like mostly existed in literature

and this was one of the earliest movies really of this. So I don't want to ding it too much for that but the story just bored me guys I just couldn't get into that part of it but what do you guys say? I don't know marginal good bad maybe but I mostly was bored. Now Dan it's I mean you don't have to you don't have to feel bad about not liking it just because I'm gonna say this is a movie I kind of liked because it is, but not, it's not very good. It's not a good movie, but I think the reasons you didn't like it

are the reasons that I particularly liked it, that it feels like the most basic template fantasy movie I can think of. Like it really does feel like they're like, what do we have in a fantasy movie? There's a bad guy, okay, there's a magic sword. Great throw it in, there's a witch maybe, okay, do it. There's a giant and a dwarf in an elf. Yes, hold on, throw it in, yes.

Do we have time to add any extra touches? Maybe they joke about a chicken at one point. Okay, otherwise, like there's something so like er low budget fantasy movie about this that I really enjoyed. And I think the things that you found boring, which were like the endless scenes of him riding through the forest, I could have watched that for, I don't know how many hours.

It was just like, this is so perfectly what it is. And I was such a fan of the music, such a fan of the, just the hyper editing of the crossbow bolts. Uh, definitely it, it, it, uh, it's, but it's a little bit of a stretch at 94 minutes. This probably should have been like a 62 minute movie, but, but I really enjoyed. I would say good, bad, and if it, I'm just listening to the soundtrack, then movie I kind of liked.

Yeah, I'm going to say it's a movie I kind of liked. Jack Balanced, choose all that scenery, cool haircuts, chickens, magic. You know, it's beyond good and evil and land of darkness, et cetera. I would say that I really enjoyed the movie in that it is terror. All these points are valid.

There was no plot to be spoken of. The lead character was terrible, but it just had so many choices that were wrong. I loved it. Like every couple minutes, I'd be a little bored and I'd be like, wow, who made that decision? Who thought that was a good idea? And that's what I like about bad movies

because I can watch that lizard again. I can watch all could watch it. I could watch that lizard again. I could watch all the magic again. I could watch that pepperoni elf anytime. I have every cross-fault say, like I genuinely two days later wanna watch the movie again. So I would say some of the best of the bad movie. Oh yeah, this was the first time,

in a long time that I've seen a bad movie, and I was like, I wish we could have done this on mystery science there. For MSC to get, I know I kept doing riffs. and I was like I wish we could have done this on mystery science there. I know I kept doing riffs. I was like I should watch it. Oh no. There were so many moments where I was like this is the joke I would have done for this part. This is so perfect. I know I know I just like God this would be so fun to riff. Yeah, but what are you gonna do? So yeah you're welcome guys. Yeah thank you. Yeah thank you Stewart and thank you to our special guest Felicia Day. Thank you. Yeah, thank you Stewart. And thank you to our special guest, Felicia Day. Thank you.

Thanks so much. Thanks for having me. Our pleasure. And you know, and that sounds like it's an open invitation for us to have you back whatever we want. So, OK, yeah. So long you have a bad fantasy movie, especially with silly string.

Simon. OK, that's a very specific genre. But we'll see what we can do. Yeah. Yeah. Hi, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Black queer feminism race sexuality news. You're gonna learn your history They're self-empowerment and it's told by what feels like your best friend. Why should someone listen to minority corner? Why not? Oh my god free stuff. There's not free stuff. The listeners of minority corner will enjoy some necessary LOLs but mainly a look at what's happening in our world through a colorful lens. People will get the perspective of marginalized communities. I feel heard, I feel seen. Like you said, you need to understand how to be more proactive

in your community and this is a great way to get started. Join us every Friday on Max Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. My naughty corner because together we're the majority. You wept as we crafted the tragic tale of Jar Jar, a Star Wars story. Do you like he forgives Darth Vader? Lisa still love you, Annie. He gasped out loud at the shocking twists of face off to face as wild.

He takes his kids face. What? We're writing an entire screenplay week by week on Story Break season two. And the highest. Hey folks, Freddie Wong here with some exciting news about Story Break, the writer's room podcast where three Hollywood professionals have one hour to spend cinematic gold, or shaking up our format by turning Heaven Heist, one of our favorite ideas we've ever come up with on the show, into a full screenplay.

Heaven Heist is an action comedy about a crew of misfit gangsters robbing the celestial bank of Heaven. Think a Coco Meets point break. Join us as we write this crazy movie seen by scene and get an inside look at the screenwriting process on our podcast Story Break every Thursday on MaximumFund.org. Uh, well, next on the podcast, uh, well, you know what, before we get into the, uh, jumbo trams and such, I want to give an update on the, the, uh, thing we did for charity, the live stream for charity. I want to give a total amount of the money that was raised.

I don't have the winners yet. I will have them next time. But right now, thanks to the... Now, you're talking about our How are the Duck Live Show, which is still available on the Flophouse YouTube channel. Yes. live show which is still available on the Flophouse YouTube channel. Yes, and we encourage people to give to charity either for hunger relief or to help with racial justice or you know whatever charity you thought was needed at this difficult time and Flophouse listeners that total in receipts that we're

gotten and I want to also thank Audrey who went through everything manually and totaled this up. Why didn't she use a spreadsheet? But- She didn't what use like just sticks that she was collecting to get into bundles. She had to do a lot of data entry, which was wonderful of her. But yes, the machine did the adding. She wasn't just making marks on your wall to counter. wonderful of her, but yes, the machine did the adding. She wasn't just making marks on your wall to counter.

They're switching marks into the cell wall of your apartment. There are too many marks up there already, it's like miserable days with Dan. So you weren't kept awake at night by the sound of her abacus beads clicking? Is she telling it up the figures? Yeah, but okay, that's enough preamble. So raised by flop house listeners, we have $63,000,

$533, and $0.38 in total. Plus on top of that, there's the $10,000 that the show is donating. That was literally evenly between food banks and bail funds. And so basically, Flapphouse folks donated around $73,000. That's insane. That is insane.

And I use insane in not in a derogatory way about anyone's mental abilities, but that is like, that's a huge amount of money did we expect it to be like that? I thought we could you know I thought there might be a good total but this yeah you everyone out there exceeded my expectations and I'm so like proud of everybody a little data the average donation was around $55, although some donated, you know, up to like $1,000. There were some donations in that range from all over Canada, the UK, Taiwan, Hong Kong,

New Zealand, Australia. These are some of the places people donated from. And so, thank you so much to everybody. Thank you. Yeah, and we will have the winners very soon. The totals came in literally like five minutes before I got on the call with you guys, so I haven't. We were watching and we saw someone hand down a paper, telling it in the moment.

Yeah, I just want to say that I don't know how everyone feels, but you know, the last couple of weeks I've felt kind of powerless in trying to find ways that I can help. And seeing this kind of outpouring of generosity is kind of reaffirming that there's a lot of good people out there. So thanks. Yeah. I second that, and I second what Dan said, and it's already been said well, so I don't need I don't feel like I need to say anything extra except thank you. Yeah, and with that I think we can get on to our jumbo trams we have no advertisements this week but we have a few messages from folks. So we don't have any, we don't have a square space ad where I can do

I can't do pepperonielf.com. All right. Save it for me. You still can. I mean it's we provide only the you should save it. Only the finest elf cured pepperoni. But so I have a jumbo tron. I'd like to I'll do one if that sounds good to you guys. Sounds great. Okay, this message. Yeah, I'm okay with it. Okay, great. This message is, congratulations, Windsor, on your graduation from film school and the further messages.

Congratulations, Windsor, on your graduation from film school. We are so proud of your accomplishment. Even though the entire industry is shut down, we are sure you will find your dream job soon, by we, of course, I'm referring to me, parentheses, your mom, and my best friend, Judd Epitow. Floppers, please offer a hopeful word since his commencement was canceled. I'm so sorry to hear that, but congratulations, that's great news, and the industry is in a short term

shutdown of the moment, but it will come back, people need entertainment, people need storytelling, and something that I keep saying in conversation with a friend of mine who is a theater director, or rather what I keep thinking of that she said, she said, I have to remember, theater companies may be in trouble, but theater will always continue,

that theater is not in trouble. And I feel like film is similar. Film companies come and go, films come and go, but the need for film will always be there. So don't worry, you will get your shot. So congratulations, that's fantastic. Yay, and I have a jumbo trying to read as well, and I believe this one is going to make me stretch my acting chops a little bit and do a voice. So let me get this right.

But you normally do a voice, right? Like you are speaking with a voice. Yeah, I do. Actually, you're right, Elliot. Thanks for correcting me. Um, you know what? I'm just going to do that whenever Elliot does. Like, that'll be the standard now. That's the thing.

OK, OK, OK. I think I'm ready, guys. Garden plots with Skeletor is a podcast about gardening hosted by me Skeletor. Yes, I'm taking time between my attacks on he-man to help you botanically benighted boobs. No, what it takes to keep a-po-po-po-thos alive. Do you want to know gardening-do you want to know gardening success? Do you want to be kept up to date on my many brilliant schemes? Do you want to know gardening success? Do you want to be kept up to date on my many brilliant schemes? Do you want to be there to witness the crushing defeat of he-man once and for all?

Subscribe, wherever you get your podcasts, and become a master of the universe. And your garden. So subscribe to the podcast, garden plots with Skeletor. Uh, I had a couple of mess ups. Is that okay? Is that okay? I don't want to note you to death, but it sounded a little like your normal voice. Interesting. Interesting. I'm saying, actually, and this is a compliment, now I'm going to pronounce it,

he man from now on. I was saying he man, but I prefer he man. I mean, maybe you're going in a different direction with your conception of Skeletor, like a more realistic sort of life. Well, he didn't sound like Franklin Jellos, what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah.

I was trying to really diverge from Franklin Jellos performance. OK. Yeah. You got to make it your own. Yeah. Okay. Well, what we do now is we have letters, listeners, listeners, like you, maybe if you send in a letter, I can't guarantee it, you know, you know, it seems to me. Okay. So Cue the, the 5th music. There is a legend from long ago, a legend of the letters. Words and parchment sent along on Ravenclaw, or the winds of the west.

These letters reach the eyes and ears of floppers hair and floppers here. These letters carry the magic of communication all across the land. When the shadows hang along the mountains and gargour all the conqueror, Sweeps in with his mighty hordes to burn, Your village and kill your children. Well, there's a letter you can write to the flopped house. Tell us about what happened, and though we can't stop the bad guy, We can tell you hey that stinks so send us a letter.

A missive or perhaps just throw some words into the scrying pool at the edge of the haunted Glen. Perhaps we'll hear it then. Letters. Oh I forgot you were a villager in the middle ages you can't write and we can't read. Do do do do. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh After a year of trying to convince me to check out a podcast, any podcast at all but you're specifically, I finally came to my partner's whims and listened to 2014's A Talking Cat on a road trip to NYC. I cried with laughter and now much like a baby chick imprinted on my three flop house mamas I refused to follow anyone else.

Lately I've been listening in bed at night and the best things happened. My anxious fever dream mind chills out to your apparently soothing AF voices and I fall into the sweetest of dreams. What I'm trying to say is, flop house seems to be a cure for the nightmares I've been having the last few years, so thanks for that. Which leads me to- You're welcome. What are your favorite dream sequences or which do you consider best slash worst in film?

Love ya arey. You know what, Springs to Mind is, of course, is the dream sequence in Spellbound, the Hitchcock movie. Salvador Dali, which is lovely and very Dali-esque. And, you know, I love dream sequences that are largely like, I don't know, like people running around with giant cardboard eyes in the background, stuff like that. I also remember that like people gave inception a lot of shit because they're like, oh, you know, like this is not how dreams work, it's not that dream-like, whatever, and I'm like, and I thought that was so alien to my own experience, because I was like,

no, I mean, when I dream, like the, everything around me is fairly realistic, it's just that geography doesn't make sense, and time periods merge, and like, you know, like stuff like that happens. Plot lines seem to make sense in the moment, but not later on when I'm thinking about them. But it's not interesting.

Interesting, I have a rebuttal to this in a moment. Okay, go on. I mean, I'm just saying that I don't like dream in sort of like a Terry Gilliam S sort of fantastic universe or anything like that. You don't have an imaginary them. That's what you're saying. No.

Dr. Parnassus does not show up. Now, here's the, now, my favorite dream sequence in movies is similar. My favorite is in the original humanitarian candidate when they're having dreams that have been implanted by the brainwashers, the commie brainwashers, but their real memories are leaking through. And so they're remembering being stuck

at a garden convention with a bunch of ladies talking about flowers that are actually communist agents talking about assassination. And what I like about that is like Dana's saying, it is not shot, woozy, or like gooey. It's like, it's very matter of fact, but the things that are happening are somewhat bizarre, that the imagery is, but it's shot in a matter of fact, but the things that are happening are somewhat bizarre that the imagery is, but it's shot in a matter of fact way, and it's just a strange situation

that feels real. On the other hand, here's my issue with the dreams in Inception, because that's what I was going to say is not the worst dream sequences in movies, not at all, but that my problem with the dreams in Inception are they are so not personal to Kill Killian Murphy because we're supposed to be in his head, right? Yeah, and it's like when I have dreams the people in it are people I've known the situations or situations I've been in and It's not like it's not like Willy Wonka Fantasma Goracle or anything, but I don't have a dream where it's just an action sequence from a James Bond movie on the snowy slopes of the Alps or like a dream sequence where it's just an action sequence from a James Bond movie on the snowy slopes of the Alps, or like a dream sequence where it's just a non-descript office building or a hotel.

Like my dreams are places I've been and people I know in new configurations. And so like I had so many dreams about working, being at the daily show and being like, I don't work here anymore. Why do I have to write a script now? Like then they're like, where's the script or Hersel's in 10 minutes?

Like I would have rather inception had a lot of dreams where he was like disappointing his family or like having trouble at work or things like that, you know, dream stuff, but it would still be shot the same way. Yeah. Yeah. What do you think, Stu? So I would say you guys are both wrong. The best, the best dream sequences in film.

Number one involves a hamburger getting up off of a grill and playing everybody wants some. Now is that a dream scene where I'm dead? Day dream? Yeah that's a day dream. Okay I didn't realize that's how we were splitting hairs. And then I don't know runner-up is I guess the masquerade ball and labyrinth Now I was gonna assume that you would pick something from the Nightmare and Elm Street series since there's so many dreams You would think that wouldn't you? Now I feel like I'm stereotyping you. I apologize. Well, I mean, I guess my understanding that he's not such a Nightmare fan And you know what I used to be with him. I'm just not into a bad guy whose arms stretch out that far. It's too scary.

That's the thing. Like, everyone talks about how scary the first one is. I'm like, really? Have you seen those janky long arms that he has? But I do like the way he's a villain who wears a sweater and a hat. Is right off the bat, the scaryness down a little bit for me. I do like the weirdness, though the later nightmares movies where it's really like fantasy horror, weirdness and you know people are turning into exercising cockroaches that get trapped

in a roach motel like that's pretty great. It's a good series of movies. Okay. So moving on to the next letter. This is from Seth Lasting with Held, who writes, I was pleased to hear that Elliot's kid has been watching slash listening to Newsies. I credit the original Disney motion picture with a radicalizing me as a child. It taught me that even the seemingly powerless could prevail over in justice if they stood united, and also that Santa Fe

was allegedly dope. That healthy base of newsies mixed with the punk music of my teenage years turned me into the godless anarchist I remained this day. So my question for all of you is as follows. Are there any movies that you watched the child that, looking back, you believe shaped your moral compass? Or kid-friendly movies that have come out since your childhood, which the parents among us, could use to prime the next generation of floppers to be respectable young radicals? No gods, no masters, set last name with health.

I was thinking about this and it was hard for me to think of specific movies that shaped my morality because I feel like my morality was so shaped by Marvel comic books and the tenets that Spider-Man particularly espoused into a lesser extent Captain America. But I would say, a movie I was gonna mention when I just knew the question, but didn't know the whole context was Newsies,

because ironically, I think Newsies, not ironically, strangely, Newsies has been really helpful in explaining to Sammy kind of what's going on with the Black Lives Matters movement and those protests to kind of help him understand why a protest happens and what mass action looks like and kind of who does it. Newsies is a good primer on that,

which is ironic because Disney is such a notoriously and traditionally anti-union company. Like literally the crisis moment when Walt Disney was there was when the animators tried to unionize and he had a basically like a panic breakdown and it was never quite the same there ever since. But I would say that a movie that came out that I am looking forward to re-showing my son because he was a little too young when I showed up to him the first time is the iron

giant which I've always found really beautiful partly because it really spreads a healthy disrespect for national intelligence and military leadership and the idea of military strength as the go-to for how you should interact with the world, but that the whole message of the giant being basically a living weapon who chooses to turn off that programming and sacrifice himself, and at the end when he's remembering Hogarth saying, you are who you choose to be, and he sacrifices himself to save the town, like I cry every single time.

And I just think it's a beautiful movie about a character who, when he resorts to violence, he's known as he's making a mistake, and he needs to not do that. And that the way he can best help people is by not being a killing machine but instead being like a real hero. So I really like that movie a lot. Again, it's a little too violent. I showed it to him when he was younger. It is a little too violent for young young kids because there's a ton of explosions and stuff, especially at the end. But anyway, that's what we have, I would say.

I'm having a hard time with this one too because I mean, partly because I have a hard time But anyway, that's movie I would say. I'm having a hard time with this one too, because I'm partly because I have a hard time remembering what my favorite movies were when I was genuinely young. Like, I remember that once I was sort of in my teens, the movies I watched over and over again were Heather's, Aliens, and shoot. Army of Darkness, which I don't think any of those are necessarily what you should turn to for moral guidance per se. I don't think they're, I don't think they're A moral movies. Well, wow, in some ways.

I mean, somewhat. Yeah, but- Army of Darkness is, if you were like, what's the message of that movie? You'd be like, I'm not sure. That's true. And the thing is, stuff I really dug as a kid, like Sherlock Holmes and Uncle Scrooge kind of gave me

a lot of the wrong lessons about overvaluing intelligence and money. So I'll just pivot and use this as a way to complement my family, my father and mother, who were religious, but not in any sort of exclusionary way. And I feel like the purest vision of the best parts of Christianity, where all are deserving of love and care and not to be discriminated against. And my brother is showing me that sort of love. And I remember my brother, John, saying, you're going to grow up, you're going to fall in love

with people, maybe you're fall in love with a man, maybe you're, which means that you're gay, but it doesn't matter, I will love you no matter what, that is fine. And to have that message given to me when I grew up in the middle of the country, let's say, where such things were not a message given out as much as it should have been, particularly when I grew up, was a wonderful gift. And so maybe we shouldn't look to Hollywood movies for our moral lessons because often they have really weird hidden ones that aren't so good

No, technically Dan, I think you should if you're gonna be giving your family a shout out That's a jumbo tron but I No, and I'm that actually like leads to what I was gonna say I feel like so much of I actually like leads to what I was going to say. I feel like so much of the movies I watch growing up, I've had to like, deprogram myself from, growing up in a house with just my younger brother. I feel like there, I didn't have a lot of feminine influences in my life, and I've had to learn, unlearn a lot of dumb bullshit in my head over the years.

Well, I think what you're saying, what Dan's saying are both of a piece in that. I don't think that the question writer is saying that they're going to do this, but you can't outsource teaching morality to your children to entertainment or any kind of culture. That's the responsibility of a parent to lead them through it and also to be there. So that when they're watching things, you can parse it with them and say like, this part.

Yeah, this part, you have to understand this way, this part you have to understand this way. And like to be ready to disavow things that you might love that are not, that don't have that proper message. I mean, like there are certain things that I'm really looking forward to showing my kids But they have to be old enough that I can talk to them and say okay, this is why this is not how you interact with the world Like this is this is not something to draw

That's why these nerds should not be getting revenge We are not watching those movies for a ride. They're not good In which they go about it. Oh. Yeah, oh boy. But even like there's stuff like even movies like Robocop, which ostensibly have like an anti-corporate and anti-police message to a certain extent.

They're still underneath it. There's still that subtext that violence is the solution to problems and like that's not that the subtext to so many movies is Look at a certain point you have to shoot somebody or punch them and it's something that I've mentioned spider-man comics before like The principles that Peter Parker espouses are so important to me But I started reading spider-man comics to my kids and I'm like, oh a lot of this is just him punching or kicking people in the face I think we're gonna take a lot of this is just him punching or kicking people in the face. I think we're going to take a break from this for a long time.

So instead, we're mostly reading old Fantastic Four comics in which there's not that much hitting and there's a surprising amount of just meeting people from other, meeting new types of people and liking them. Yeah, you're not just reading bone over and over or something. We actually, we haven't, we haven't started reading bone. I do want to read that to them. Yeah, you're not just reading bone over and over or something. We haven't started reading bone. I do want to read that to them. Unless that one's not okay anymore. Is there new stuff about bone that I should know? No, it's okay. Okay. Let's move on to the final segment. Okay, to be honest, I should say, people might find this interesting that the

one comic book thing that my kids want me to read to them over and over again is, there's an issue of silver surfer that I have in a trade paperback that Jim Starlin wrote in Ron Limjru where the impossible man sings his parody version of Make-A-M laugh from Singing in the Rain and every single morning, it'll be like six in the morning.

Gabriel will wake up, he's like almost one and a half now. I know he's almost two now, he's over one now, he's almost two now and he'll be like, silver surfer make-A-M laugh, sing it. And I'll start, I'll start saying he's like almost one and a half now. He's almost two now, he's almost two now, and he'll be like, so berserfer make him laugh, sing it. And I'll start, I'll start saying he's like, in the book, and so I have to go get the book and like open it up so he can look at it. And so that's, so if you're looking at the Venn diagram of culture that is interesting to my

almost two year old right now, it is sing in the rain and the impossible man. And we're that overlapped overlaps what he's really into uh... now we talk about movies that we would like to recommend that let's say you can watch in addition to hawk the slayer if you know yeah

yeah we all have infinite time and we can watch whatever uh... what i didn't just yeah i had to just Sitting on our bookshelf, maybe we got 90 pages into it. And thought, this isn't going enough of anywhere that I care about. I'll just go back and read some of the essays instead. I mean, I'll admit I have never, never even cracked open the book.

It's one I never made it past looking at it on the bookshelf and being like, hmm, that seems like a lot of book. I like who's the bad guy? Is it a wizard? I can't tell from the jacket, so I'll just put it back on the shelf. Is it a guy named Jess who lives infinitely? I'm not getting a poison flower dual vibe from this book. Exactly. Okay, I don't have a full-throated recommendation this week, but I could not sleep. Just half-throated. Half-throated Dan. I'll have throw it. So this week, no, I don't like. This, last night I could not sleep. As I imagine, many of us have gone through from time to time

during this extremely stressful part in our nation and the world's history. And so I watched Knock-Off, the Jean-Claude Van Dam movie with Rob Schneider as well. How do you pronounce the director's name? I'm not really. No, it's pronounced Rob Schneider. No, it's a Sui Harc.

Sui Harc. Oh, yeah. Like Sui Harc. Well known. Well known. Marshall Arts mostly director. He did once upon a time in China. He uh... i did iron monkey did a bunch of stuff uh...

and also made a couple movies with fendam uh... this one and the double team and uh... look i'm not gonna make a lot of uh... uh... claims for this movie at a certain point i just lost that's a certain point i completely lost track of what was supposedly happening and uh... there's a little less

crazy action and i would like for a movie that has these sporadic amazing uh... bursts of crazy action but it is a movie about uh... knockoff jeans uh... that one might wear uh have nano-bot explode D things in them bombs I guess they're called although you know exploding things is something I'm trying to get catch on and and there's a point at which Rob Schneider whips Van Dam's butt with an eel so if you know that's something you can't it's something you can't

It's great. You can't buy you just can't buy it anymore. No, you can buy it. You can't you can buy it. You can buy this movie Oh, right. Yeah, I thought you meant that I could get on like a cameo with Vendane and Rob Schneider Impossible. I don't know. Maybe certainly It's just it's just probably the cheap. There's a lot're offering they're offering cameo zoom calls now where you can have a Shout Jeremy Piven for like 15 thousand dollars for ten minutes paid and not talk to Jeremy That's 20 thousand dollars. Yeah. Well, it's worth it I just I like to add that you're like this is the movie you can't buy that kind of thing but well then help wait So is it not a movie that exists?

Actually, it is on Amazon Prime. So if you're paying for Amazon Prime, sure, you can see it right now. Guys, when you have to recommend Stewart, I'm going to point to you. Cool. I'm going to recommend a thriller from 1992 called Deep Cover. That's right, directed by Bill Duke, who's a character actor and a director. You might know him from Commando. You might know him as Mack from Predator.

And Deep Cover is, as you would imagine, it's about a damaged but idealistic police officer who played by Lawrence Fishburn or Larry Fishburn as the credits call him. And he- That's how he used to go. That's what he used to go by. He goes undercover and becomes a drug dealer working alongside Jeff Goldblum. And it's two great actors at kind of peak sexiness, maybe not for Goldblum. He's been the fly and Earth Girls are, he's great.

So you're saying his peak sexiness was in earth girls or easy where he was kind of like a covered in blufer or the fly or his half fly. I mean, those are very short parts of their respective movies. I guess that's. I mean, the fly is about him turning into a fly. Yeah. But I mean, it's shaved pretty early and earth girls are easy. But deep cover is like a like a 90s noir.

The soundtrack is great. It's shot really well. It's got so many awesome like lurid colors. It's just a beautiful looking movie and it's edited well and it kind of all fits together with this this pulsing soundtrack. If it's like a little bit grimy and also sexy it's great check it out. I'm gonna recommend a movie from 2015 that's right 21st century everybody. Wow. Yeah I'm gonna recommend the old movie prize of the episode. I think you do. Yeah strangely enough, what's going on?

I'm going to recommend the movie Slow West, starring Cody Smith McVeigh. That's right, the second night crawler and Michael Fassbender. That's right, the guy from Prometheus. What was the character's name? Uh, Michael... Prometheus Jones. Prometheus Jones, yeah.

And it is a kind of written and directed by John McLean or more McLean. I don't know exactly that's pronounced. But it's a sort of... Prometheus Jones sounds like a 2008 comic. Yeah, it does. It does sound like a 2008 comic. And he's like an amoral, like what, interplanetary, like gambler and bounty hunter or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And there's supposed to be funny, but you, interplanetary, like gambler and bounty hunter. Something like that.

Yeah. And they're supposed to be funny, but you're like, is this where are the jokes? So it is about a, it's kind of a pick a risk, a western about a, uh, Scotsman, a young man who goes out to the American West to find the woman he loves, who has run off after a misunderstanding, uh, in their native Scotland. And find himself so incredibly ill-equipped for existing out on the frontier and gets matched up with Michael Fassmender's character who is a bounty hunter who at first is helping him because he knows, but the

Scotsman doesn't know that there is a bounty on the woman that he's looking for and this guy's going to lead him right to it. But they come to help and appreciate each other eventually and it feels a little bit like if the more if the less goofy moments of the ballot of Buster Scruggs was a full movie then it might be something like this. It's called slow. It's called slow west but it's not actually that's I put off watching it for a while because I was worried it was gonna be super slow but it is actually not that slow. It moves at a at a at a very easy but nice pace and there's some really

cool choreographed kind of shoot-em-up scenes, but there's also some sweet stuff in it and some funny stuff in it. And I ended up liking it a lot. And what's that other guy that's in that movie? I mean Ben Mendelsen's in it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Is that the guy that you refer to? I mean Mendelssohn's in it. Yeah. Yeah. OK. Is that the guy that you refer to? I mean, there's other guys in it.

It's not just the three guys. But what if it was a stage play of three guys? Three. Who would think, I mean, there are lots of stage plays that are just three guys. Yeah. Show guys. Like if waiting for Godot had one less guy,

it would just be three guys. Yeah. like if waiting for good old had one less guy just between guys yeah Well, unlike our wonderful guest Felicia Day, I don't have to feed a child or attend to my crock pot chicken dish that you mentioned before the show, but it is very hot in this room So we should sign off soon, but I did want to say another thank you to everyone who donated as part of our fundraiser, or you know would have donated anyway, but soft-fit inter-ar-wraffle, which is wonderful. As Elliot put it last time, there are other reasons, better reasons than to inter-wraffle, to donate to charity. And we did get, it was around

And we did get, it was around 1,100 emails. So we will be doing that reading of the Boynext Door, which is something that we have to work out amongst ourselves. I was literally a couple nights ago that I was suddenly, I was, you had told us that, that kind of early tally. And I was like, this is great. And I was bragging to my wife. And I was like, we did a great job. And no, no, no, we have to do that boy next door thing.

It just dawned on me like, oh, we have to go through with it now. Yeah. Yeah, we got to think of that. It wasn't my incessant text messages. I mean, wait, the text messages when you were like, hey, boy next door. Hey, boy is next door. You're just so excited about it.

Let's get next door with that boy. And I'm like, OK, boy next door. Hey, boy is next door. You're just so excited about it. Let's get next door with that boy. And I'm like, okay, it's doing okay. Why don't you know about this emoji combination, but I think he's trying to say the boy next door. He's like, well, he put a boy, a neck, and a door. I assume that the neck is for next, but I'll wait, no, okay, now it's a boy sign and then an exit sign, and then a nest, and and then a door and I guess the nest probably should have been before the exit sign

It's so I can kind of wish them together. Okay. Well this one right here. I'm not good at it. This one. It's it's a butt and Binoculars, I guess that's because he's stalking Jennifer Lopez. This is his emojis. I mean there isn't technically a butt emoji is there to him? I guess it was a peach emoji, probably, right? There's a peach. Um, uh, for peaches, the original peaches. Anyway, uh, also... Wait, are we butts? Yeah, we are three butts.

No, no, we are three butts. We are three butts. I mean, we have them. I like Dan that you had to make sure that we knew that peaches were the original peaches. Uh-huh. I mean, we haven't, I just want to say too like I think the succeeded beyond our wildest dreams. We haven't discussed it I don't want to commit us to anything but I think that if the world continues to be crazy we

probably will do another thing at some point along similar lines so thank you for making it wonderful. And yeah. If you missed the original contest, you don't have, doesn't mean you're not allowed to donate to charity. I believe is the list of charities still up on the website, Dan? Yes. And if you missed the original broadcast, we should reiterate that it is up on our YouTube page, which is youtube.com slash c slash the Flophouse podcast.

But you can also just Google it as with anything these days. What do you have to say? No, I was just saying. So I was going to say also, just thank you to everybody, and please keep that generosity going. And we probably will do. Hopefully the world will fix its problems in the next month or two. And we'll never have to do that again, but if the world doesn't fix its problems,

then I think, yeah, we should try to do something. You know, hey, check out the other great podcast at MaximumFun.org. Thank you for being our network. Thank you for all that you do. Thanks to Jordan Cowling for the work that she does on the show, producing it. I want to thank, again, as long as we're talking about the live show, I want to thank On the Show as well as we did

on the live show, Matt Kerman and John Holt for all the tech stuff they did for us and the animations. And Tony Oker for supplying the intro that we always use in our shows anyway. Now that that's all done, thank you, the listener, for listening, and thank me, Dan McCoy, for being here. And thank me, Stuart Wellington, for being here.

And I guess I'll jump on this self-thinking train. And I'll say, first I'll jump on this self-thinking train and I'll say I'll say thanks first I'll say thanks again to to our guestfully today, and I will say thanks Thank you Hawk for being the slayer. We all needed you to be I'm Elliot Kaelin for Floppa's news. Dan Good night Bye Bye! Listen, I was just a little villager, with a little tent and a dream. And I caught those butterflies, and I mined those rocks. And I played that terrible turnip game.

But I did it. I did it from my baby. I mean, it sounds like a great game. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported.