The Flop House - Ep. #331 - Six Weeks, with Alonso Duralde

Episode Date: December 19, 2020

We've been wanting to get Alonso Duralde on the show for a while -- not only because he's the senior film critic for The Wrap, and not only because he's the host or co-host of a number of podcasts, including Max Fun's own Who Shot Ya?, but because he literally wrote the book on Christmas movies. So, of course, this holiday season he picked a movie that barely sort of has Christmas stuff in it -- the double-Moore weepie Six Weeks. THANKS FOR NOTHING, BUDDY! (jk - he's a delight.)Wikipedia synopsis of Six Weeks.Movies recommended in this episode:The Country BearsMartial LawLadybug LadybugCollective

On this episode we discuss 6 weeks It's been 6 weeks since you met that kid Caught your head to the side and said you're deadly I don't know the rest of the lyrics Like those are the real lyrics I don't know the rest of the lyrics That's what it says on my phone Hey everyone, welcome to the Flap house, I'm Dan McCoy.

Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington, certified beef seven days a week. That's me, Stuart Wellington. What does that mean, Stuart? That I'm certified grade A beef, I don't know. That guy came and checked my marbling, this is your new slogan, your branding yourself. Yeah, I mean, I think it's the right time, right? It's, no, I mean, what I like about it is your beef. You don't take any time off.

You're not like lazy God taking Sundays off from creating the universe. You're like, I'm beef all the time. I never stop being beef seven days a week. 23 hours a day. Unlike the beef you buy at the grocery store at the beef at the grocery store, as soon as midnight hits on Sunday, it turns into a pumpkin. No, thank you. I want my beef seven days a week

Yeah, well that that's the exact opposite of what I was gonna say which is that To be fair all beef is beef seven days a week so to elevate it above God just because God took a day off after creating the universe seems a little strange But I mean to be honest, he did a pretty slap dash job. We I think we can all agree. Oliver, you have a lot of rough edges. Hey, my name's Ellie Taylor, but I want to introduce our big guest today. Who I'm very excited about.

Our guest is a film critic and a writer. He writes reviews for the rap. He co-hosts a number of great movie podcasts, Linoleum knife, a film in a movie breakfast all day. And matchman phones on maximum funds own, not matchman phone's own, maximum fun's own, Hushacha. And he's the author of the classic Christmas film guide, have yourself a movie little Christmas, it's a Lonzo derolder derolder, I always forget. I'll answer to either derolder derolder derolder derolder.

But which do you use? Yeah. I usually say derolder derolder, er, derolder derolder. Technically it's derolder, but I never want to make like white guy sound like they're saying Nikar Aguas. But which do you use? Yeah. I usually say Duralde. Duralde, okay. Duralde, okay. But I never want to make like white guys sound like they're saying Nikaragua. So yeah, thank you.

Duralde, okay. Thank you, because I was having some empanadas relunch and my son kid. No, no, the foods that you want to do the access for? I'm in control with the whole thing. Hey, I was having some sushi. I, I, I, I, I, right. What was that like a Spanish thing for you? Oh, my, oh, my lady.

It's some spaghetti and meatballs. You know, that's how you do it, right? But Alonzo, Alonzo Teralda. And he's, he's, he's very, I'm very excited to have him here. One, because he's great, and I'm a big fan of his podcast. Two, he's just a super great guy and a really nice guy. When I first moved to Los Angeles, he took me to get ice cream, just me and him, and it was very sweet and it was a great way to welcome me to a new city. And three, because it's Christmas time, everybody time everybody right so who better to talk Christmas movies and

Christmas stuff than the man who literally wrote the book on Christmas movies. Yeah, although we ask you know We ask for a couple options of holiday movies and look I'll take a little bit of the The blame on myself Okay, oh six weeks like a deadly more movie from the 80s. Let's do that. That'll be dumb. Thinking that'll be like a dumb like Christmas comedy, not doing any research into it. And then to find that this holiday movie, the so-called holiday movie is only a holiday movie in that the Nutcracker ballet figures into the plot at the very end. And otherwise it's a tear jerker about a young girl dying of leukemia.

So also if it had been Swan Lake, it could be a summer movie. And no one would get exactly. And to that end also, yes, content warning of this movie that we're doing is all about a child dying of a disease. So if that is something you're sitting. It is barely window dressing. I would say it is all about mid-life romance between a woman with a very ill-concerted perm and a very short man who is an American politician despite obviously being English. I mean, that is all well and good. That is all well and good and it may be accurate,

but if you are sensitive to the idea of a child dying of disease, it does not matter. Let agree to which the film is about that. You're right, okay. We will Yeah, you agree to which the film is about that. You're right. Okay. And we will take that about as seriously as the film. Yeah, we're just not very. Something to make clear that if we if we make fun of it is only because you're just a modeling melodrama. We are making it not because the idea of a child with the terminal disease is It's hilarious. No, no, no. Only in the context. So, so, why did you pick this movie?

Are you a huge Dudley Tyler Morphan? That's their couple now, right? It should be. They would have been Port Mantot if anyone had seen this movie. Yeah, you know, there are some Christmas bombs out there certainly and I didn't want to do something like. Or was it Vietnam's a what is this bombing in was it can't go to your

Vietnam god i believe it was can't go to the way to bring the room down i'm just a minute you know i'm just a moment it's the most obvious christmas bomb they really drop in bombs on christmas anyway you're saying this what is correct yeah well yeah i think a hendrick is germany have also been responsible for the nutcracker 3d where they put a public song to Chikosky and work in Holocaust metaphors and Nathan Lane plays Albert Einstein. And I was like, I'm not gonna,

we're not doing that, we're not doing that. But I did toss a couple out and I just thought that six weeks is just, it's a flop in so many ways because not just critically and with audiences, but it's one of those movies that derailed people's careers. Dudley Moore, hot off Arthur, Mirtaugler Moore, hot off ordinary people, Tony Bill the director, hot off my bodyguard, and this collectively did for their careers what moment-by-moment

did for Lily Tomlin and John Travolta. So, I launched them to New Heights, took them into the stratosphere, I was gonna say. I mean, it is such a huge bomb that despite having, at the time, big stars, and being clearly, you know, like a Hollywood-produced picture, I had never heard of it. And if you go to like IMDB, I believe there's like two reviews you can find from non-professional reviewers and maybe like five from professionals. Yeah, if you type in six weeks into IMDB, they're like not found and you're like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Now that one. Do you mean two weeks during Buster Keaton? No, no, no, that's not the one. Alonzo, I want to ask you about Dudley Moore because here's the thing. So I, Since you are Dudley Moore's authorized biographer, near the main to go to. I think in terms of just acting,

like Dudley Moore gives the best straight acting performance in this film. But like let us let us stipulate that I did say straight acting performance as opposed to a comedy performance. I you are about 10 years older than I am. Wow. So you lived through more of the Dudley Moore boom than I did. Can you explain to me why he was funny? Because I've never understood it. There was this magic snapshot of time

in which you could make the original Arthur that was all about a total alcoholic. And it was still somehow charming and fun. And asshole, he's an asshole. And asshole. And super, super rich. And movie jazz, where he's just like a horrible womanizer. asshole. He's an asshole. He is also super super super super. He's a movie jazz where he's just like a horrible womanizer. Yes. And being very mean to his

wife, Julie Andrews, by cheating on her with with Vodarek. And of course, foul play where he plays like a complete sort of sort of a rape. It's a rape. It's a pervazoid, which was really his launching pattern America. You know, he had obviously performed with Peter Cook for years and had done movies like Bamboozled, but like, but the dazzle. Hey, I want to see, sorry, yes. Well, don't worry, Bamboozled would be a very interesting movie.

I've got it. I guess, could we, could we make that happen? I guess you play the TV executive character. No, no no no he is playing he's playing well he's playing the that well I mean we don't anyway the mind reals are so yeah bit dazzled the original bedazzled not to be confused with the the brilliant remake with with the Brendan Fraser so yeah but after play, it was like America could not get enough of that short purve and then they wanted, and then Arthur was like, I want more of that short drug purve. And so then that led us to six weeks where, yeah, it's only a point to that, he is running

for Congress while clearly British and also is the funny politician because that you Dudley Moore can't not be quippy in this. You also, by the way, contribute, let's not lose out of fact, he contributed the score to this one, which is oppressively terrible. It is a terrible score, but I believe it won like a Golden Globe. I was doing some like behind the scenes. I think one or was nominated for a Golden Globe. I think Dudley Moore was nominated for a Golden Globe,

and Mary Tyler Moore was nominated for a Razi for this. So, well, the early 80s Golden Globes is really like the peak period of like, let me fly you to Vegas for a weekend. That is true. You know, this is right, and just before the whole P is a door of thing blew up in their faces, but you could really charm,

wine, dine, and gift your way into a golden globe nomination in that period. Nothing he did mind you. No, no. But I think Dan to defend Dudley Moore somewhat, his early stuff is really funny. Like if you see beyond the fringe or you see what's left of what survives of his work with Peter Cook from then, it is really funny, but it's like by six weeks he seems to be on that path that a lot of comedy actors go to with their like, I don't need to be funny. I'm charming and you know what? I'm an actor. So it's like he's so not funny in this even though it's supposed to be the funny politician and it's such a snapshot of a time when it is just taken for granted that he is somewhat of a vaguely liberal politician. He seems to have no firm stands on anything. He never gives the audience or the voters a Reason that they should vote for him. Yeah, it's one of the real glaring weak spots of the movie is that we don't really understand as politics, right?

Well, no, but more than like I don't care if he's elected to Congress like I don't know why he wants to be elected to Congress so what so if the movie is about a little girl who is so become so devoted to him that she want she'll she wants to spend the last moments of her life getting him into the capital it's like when she's like what do you think about poor people he goes I'd like to help them what do you think about poor wars I'd like to stop them you're my man okay great like it's just I don't want I don't want to see him doing a lot of stuff, but he makes such a big deal in the movie about how he's not about issues.

He's about, you know, whatever. And it's just like, it just feels indifferent for his time. I'm not about issues. I'm about spending a lot of time away from my wife. Yeah, and frankly, away from the campaign. Like, you know, but it's, yeah, it's given his eyes on the prize. No, but it is, it is a, it is a movie from the campaign, like, you know, but it's keeping his eyes on the prize.

No, but it is a movie where the hero, basically abandons his family, and there's the scene that we'll get to, I guess, where his son goes, I get it, dad. And it's like, it's like, wait, hold on a second. That's not the conversation. Yeah, well, this movie feels like it was adapted from a Ami the Asshole post on Reddit.

Like, you read the headline, you're like, abandons your family, wouldn on Reddit? Like, you read the headlight and you're like, a band that's your family, wouldn't asshole, and then you get to the bottom, you're like, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I saw this, this wake girl with dreads on the beach and I had to have her. Am I the asshole? Like, yeah, I guess that's, look, I'm an advertising executive and I'm not doing good work. So they threw me in a sanitarium. Am I the asshole? This, I'm a, I'm, is that, is he a therapist having sex with his patient or patient having sex

with a therapist and loves it? I forget. But either way, you're the asshole. So, yeah. This movie emotionally is all over the place, I would it. By the way, you're the asshole. So I thought- The movie emotionally is all over the place, I would say. And in terms of like the sympathy it wants us to have for the characters, it's asking a lot. But let's get into the plot to explain-

Let's get into the plot. That is true. First, and this is going to be more detail oriented than I get for most of it. It starts with that old Universal Pictures logo where it's like a planet behind a measma of toxic gas. And that just brought me back to my childhood right away. So I really appreciated that. Dudley Moore, like we said, he's Patrick Dalton. He's a foreign-born but American-raised-pull-

or he's only been in America for like 10 years, I guess. A English-British man who is now a citizen who's running for Congress, he is a California state legislator. And the worst thing that he keeps complaining about is that he has to commute between Sacramento and Los Angeles. And it's like, yeah, I hear you. What you're living a bad time, man, that sucks. You got to take that 40 minute flight or whatever it is.

Anyway, he's known for his humor and his pranks. And he gets to this, he's running late to get to a fancy fundraiser because an interview went long, which is bad planning on the part of his campaign manager. Like that's, he should have people who help him with that. But his campaign manager is already at the party. He's running late and he runs into a teen on the road. Now, by that, I made it sound like he hit the teen with his car.

That's not what happens. He stops and asks this, this teenage girl, or adolescent girl, I guess, for directions. She's... She's about 13. I looked up the actor and I would say that the, one of the major problems with this movie is it does not treat it as weird that this middle-aged man immediately befriends a 13-year-old girl in a, like, kind of a beautiful girl style flirty way I would say well it's because she's she's a very movie style Prokoshis like super flirty 13 where she immediately asked if he's a pedophile

and if he's attracted to her and he navigates that I guess as as well as someone that's actually actually you navigates it poorly but not as poorly is it poorly like the movie just not over. Like there's a, there's a, there's a bar the movie has to reach to make this relationship not seem a little creepy. And it does not clear it, I would say. It repeatedly fails to remember. Audience is at this time had just gotten out of watching foxes and pretty baby. So pretty much like for some reason, pre-cubes and girls were just like open season in Hollywood at that point. Yeah, as opposed to the other periods in Hollywood

When he's hands off these we have to guard these super-restricted You hear that Charles Chaplin anyway, so the so she's also we know that she's crazy that she's It's naming names guy. It's watch. Yeah Watch out. I don't care. I don't care who's those I step on I gotta think of somebody else another graves. I step on So she's collecting dead birds she cuts their head and feets off to make which he first was a fetish kind of a voodoo item But she doesn't say why and this is one of those things where it's like again just it's a Corny or Paymon or whatever. Yeah, it's like a garden state type thing I wrote just a quirk her name is Nikki and she she says go up there to the house and he invites her as his guest

And she shows the party and keeps from getting kicked out And this is a plot line. I wish they carried through which is the owner of this house is this rich middle-aged bald man Who hates this little girl and they have a really antagonistic relationship and it's kind of dropped halfway through. And I wanted to know, why do they, they're so openly sniping at each other. And that was the most interesting relationship in the film to me.

So I want to see a movie about a rich old man and a rich adolescent girl who hate each other and are just like, just feuding all the time. I think that'd be real. Oh, that's a war with grandpa sequel I want to see the same way that like I walked out of the Irishman being like I want to see a movie where we're Joe Pesci in another old man or just and Al Pacino are arguing over the affection of their friends Like trying to be the the best uncle to this little kid because that was the part of the movie I like the most

Okay, Nikki's mom is Charlotte drapes Played by Mary Tyler Moore with the hair that I Nikki's mom is Charlotte Dreyfus, played by Mary Tyler Moore with the hair that, I guess I described it as, there's this, in the old Ninja Turtles comics, April O'Neill gets a weird perm and everyone talks about how much they love it. And that's the haircut that Mary Tyler Moore has in this. Yeah, I hate to linger too much on actors appearances in movies. It seems untoward, but like, it does represent some of the worst of 1980s rich lady fashion, the way that they style her in this movie.

It's that moment in the early in a decade when you're still dealing with the last refuge of the previous decade. So this is the worst of 1978 still kind of subsiding away. Yeah, not since Gary Oldman as but hair Dracula in Bram Sokers Dracula have been so distracted by a haircut in a movie. I was like, and she has the whole movie in every scene. I just be like, I can't, I'm sorry. I can't take you seriously like that. And she works for like a cosmetics company, right?

You would think images. Yes, she owes a cosmetics company that operates out of her house, slash factory, slash cultural community art center. But anyway, we'll get to that. Yeah. It's like in an American crime story, O.J. Simpson, whatever, when Marshall Clark gets a new hair, and everyone is like, what did you do?

Except nobody in the movie thinks there's a problem with it. It's messed. Anyway, so she is a cosmetics magnate who hates politicians. They're always asking her for money and she thinks that Dudley Moore is just another one and that he's using her daughter to get to her money and she does not like it. And this is when we see that Dudley Moore has only the barest hint of an ideology or a personality to be honest. He's just kind of like a guy who's used to, he seems like he's the guy who's like, if

I'm in any situation where I have to like do anything, I'll just sit down at a piano and play a Billy Joel song and everyone will sing along and then I can leave and I don't have to like actually exert myself to connect with other human beings. Based on this young girl, she seems to inspire, he seems to inspire this Bernie-like devotion in the youth. Like, whatever his policies are, she immediately wants to sign on and volunteer. Does no one talk to this girl? She seems very excited about the fact that she's getting any attention. You're right. The same with Mary Tyler Moore reveals his one scruple.

What is his one scruple? That he, I guess, that he doesn't want to be a babysitter later on or. Well, that and that just the idea that that he has no idea who she is and he resents the implication that he would dare befriend this girl just to get to mom's bank. Yeah. He's got his pride, you know, he's he's got his honor, even though it's will see. He's a man who will cast aside his family without much thought.

Who is family? Well, meet him. He has a wife and he has a son who has a broken leg, like a high school age son. And she doesn't like politics keeps. Right off the bat, we see his family, not as good as his other possible family, right? No, not as good.

On his son. His son is a real void, just like a nothing. And his wife, she just is always nagging him about how he's never at home ever because of politics. Always nagging him about how he apparently, as we learn later, had another affair earlier and now seems deeply ambivalent about his family. Yeah. And it's, I would say the only relationship with less chemistry in the movie than Dudley

Moore and Maritalo Moore is Dudley Moore and his and the wife character where they're in bed together and they're talking about stuff and he's like being a little flirty and I was like, have they met? Like was this like, did the sun introduce them that day and they're and this is their first night together and they're just feeling out how they are as a couple, you know. And whoever styled her, I'm sure probably the genius behind Mirateler Moore's perm is not doing Ernie favors. Like she looks like she went to the beauty parlor

with a picture of the mom from foot loose and said, make me look like this. Yeah, they're really setting her up as like the daudy nag back home that you want him to get away from, which was not fair, I'll say. So Charlotte Dreyfus, she calls him to her or Dreyfus, as they always say, because I guess they don't want people to think she's Jewish, I don't know. Calls him to her office, slash factory, which also has an arts warehouse, and Nikki has a ballet class studio there, and she wants to contribute money to him because Nikki believes in him so much,

but she wants Nikki to be a part of the campaign. And she's like, what? I'm not going to like just babysit your daughter to support my political campaign. I'm a serious candidate with no stances on any issues. But this is one of the few scenes in the movie where I liked Ugly Moore because he responds to this objectively strange offer of, I will give you a bunch of money if you like take my daughter around and give her a slot on your campaign staff with no lady. Like this is like the one time in the movie when I'm like okay this is like a reasonable way for a human to act like he's like this is weird and it is weird to

be fair. I do wish I do wish it even more of a cop and a half type thing where she's like you can have the money but Nikki's your campaign manager now. And now he's doing like a kid's idea of a political campaign, but it works. People love it. They find it so refreshing, you know, where the other guy's hurling mud in attack ads. This guy's hurling candy from the original draft. One of the moons. That was the original draft of the script. And then they they turned it into crazy people. They're like, we like it. What if a kid is good at politics, but what if a crazy person is good at advertising?

Yeah. And what if an advertising man is good at lion taming, but what if a lion tamer is good at ocean exploration? What if that ocean explorer is the best stripper in the world? Like, there's any number of ways you could take it. So she gets upset and she's like, Nikki wants to accomplish something in her life. And he's like, she'll accomplish something when she grows up and she goes,

she's not going to grow up. I've said too much and runs off crying. That night, Patrick goes back to see Charlotte and kind of just walks into their house, which is weird. Only knows the secret entrance now. I guess that's true, but there are rich people who live in a warehouse in an industrial district. And they, I guess the doors are not locked. But Nikki is practicing ballet like a regular kitty pride, and they have a heart to heart where he gets,

he admit by admitting that he wants cheated on his wife, a story he says he didn't tell anyone before. He gets her to admit that she has leukemia, and she's tired of having everything in her life handed to her and wants to work for something before she dies. Now, with her, spoiler alert, but at the end of the movie, she has her dream come true literally handed to her and wants to work for something before she dies. Now, when her spoiler alert, but at the end of the movie,

she has her dream come true literally handed to her and she doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but still what we can say. Take down this dying girl, take her down. I never would have realized that when she asks him, so like, you know, she's a percocious kid and she asks him like straight to his face if he's ever had an affair.

And at first I'm like, is she like testing to see if he'd be a good candidate? But no, she's testing the water to see if Hill abandoned his family to join her family at that point, right? Yeah, she's grooming him. That they call that grooming in the kids that are, that are being predators on married middle-aged men community, yeah.

Well, she is taller than he is. That's true. I mean, she is also, she has the most emotional control of anyone in the movie, the character I mean, where it's just like the adults do a lot of like crying and not being sure what to do. And she's, you know, she's a kid in a movie, so she's super confident and like kind of always in charge. Mm-hmm. A real curly suit. I, I would like to say at this point, like, so other than the potentially worrisome nature of this relationship, which is a huge hurdle again that I do not think the movie, like, quite, it sort of, like, jumps on it and, like, stumbles over the hurdle.

But other than that, I would like to see. How much money do you want to be? Like, why are you carrying them in your pocket when you're jumping over those hurdles? It's a good question. For the first 20 minutes to half an hour of the movie, I'm like, okay, I don't like this one element, but I could see how this movie could work. And if later on we want to do our script doctrine, I might be up for that. But like in our classic segment, Dr. Doctor, give me the news.

I got a bad case of rewriting you. Yeah, but the script flopped. But this part of the movie could be interesting. This young girl who's like idealistic, but is dying and this politician and a friendship, they strike like that could be an interesting part of the movie and like for the first part of the movie I'm like, oh, okay, I'm not loving this but we watch a lot of genre movies. It's nice to see like a human-sized drama and This is the point of the movie where the movie stops being interesting at all to me Like because it veers into a long romance between Dudley Moore and Mary Tyler Moore.

And as reference before, they have less than no charisma together or chemistry. And it is just, it becomes a very boring slog peppered with me yelling at the screen about the way characters are acting. I mean, there's three, I would say there's three major flaws with the story of this movie. One, it's not a very interesting story. And I say that if someone who has found that I have a real appetite for older weepy melodramas, like 40s weepy melodramas,

like they get really over the top. But this one is, it's neither over the top enough, nor is it believable enough. Two, Nikki is not a real person at any point. She's like a movie perfect kid who she never gets upset. She never throws a tantrum. Like, I have two great kids and they're constantly kissing the shit out of me.

Like they're just, they're always getting me mad. When she, when she, when her illness finally overtakes her and no point up to then, does she ever really seem sick? Right? Like, yeah. Unless I was, oh, that's, we'll get there. Oh, that's, yeah. I mean, not only does she never seem sick, she dances in a ballet, but the, and three,

the two romantic leads, they don't have a sense of, the romance doesn't feel, pow, well, between those performance, but also like, it feels like the movie is giving you so many reasons to not want them to be together. Like, there's so many good reasons they should not be in a relationship. There is no reason, like, I do not know why they fall in love with each other other than they are bonding over this dying pure, child animal magnetism. And also the sort of vague sense that Dudley Moore wants out of his marriage versus a not like a, like looks,

like life is long and we all have- Not for naked, yeah. That's true, like I'm not gonna, like people have complicated lives. I'm not gonna like necessarily pass judgment from afar on people, but as a movie protagonist, I'm not like, yeah, leave your family for these guys. I was at the wall.

And there's the idea of like, okay, this girl, she's an adolescent girl and she knows she's dying. So of course she's going to be sort of intellectually sexually precocious. She's gonna wanna talk about this stuff because she's not gonna get older. It's not a thing where she can wait until it's appropriate. Of course she's gonna ask questions and blurred out inappropriate's not a thing where she can wait until it's appropriate. Of course, she's going to ask questions

and blurred out inappropriate things and all that's up fine, whatever. But in the context of a movie in which there is already this weird, creepy relationship between her and Dudley Moore and just that era of movies that was tending to sexualize girls at a far too early in age anyway, none of that plays. And so I think that's a thing you could cherry pick out of this movie and put into a smarter film, but in this context, it just grew up.

Yeah, and at any point I expected Travis Bickle to show up and blast Dudley Moore and get that logo on that. I'm here to save you, kid. I do want to say about the actor, the young girl, like the character is completely unworkable. But I will give her credit. She does like a good job trying to make it work, especially because this is her only acting credit. She was an ice dancer and a very acclaimed ballerina,

but this is her one acting role. I stancer and a like a very acclaimed ballerina, but this is her one acting role. Yeah, so if her like grandkids put this podcast on for us so she can listen to it, she won't feel like. I mean, she's not that old. She's like, she was 13 in 1982. So she's not, I don't think she has grandchildren.

She's not a fun one. I'm gonna have a podcast, Ellen. I wanna give the movie the credit I can. You know me, like I always want to like say the thing that like, look, it is a terrible character that does not make sense. I'll go along with the premise that you always want to say nice things about movies.

I'll buy into that premise for this episode. No, I'm just like, look, this is a terrible character, but I've seen much more experienced child actors do much worse jobs with better material. Oh, no, I think if anyone is trying and somewhat succeeding to make their character work a little bit, it is her, and her name is Catherine Healy. She can hold her head high. Yeah, I mean's she can hold her head on she can hold yeah She can I mean she can hold her head higher than deadly more certainly because he's very short Well, he's dead holy and he is it he is it he has passed away

You're right when he died he got six feet tall you're right so the good jokes inaccurate So she can hold her head he can't lift his head So saying she can lift her head even higher than him after you die That's why that that's why coffins after you die. That's what I say. That's why that's why coffins are expandable. That's why they have those accordion sides on coffins. That's why they had to dig up Lincoln's body at one point and he had grown to 17 feet tall. So anyway, long story short, through things like going to carnivals together and avoiding Patrick's family, Charlotte starts falling in love with Patrick.

Patrick doesn't want to hurt his family, but he's been disappearing for days if not weeks. And so he has been hurting his family. His wife assumes that he loves Charlotte and he's like, I don't know. And Dudley Mord's wife asks him, are you in love with Charlotte? And he's like, well, and she says don't come home until you've done with this. Pick a lane, Mofo. She's very reasonably says you can't have two families. Yeah, he says I am not involved with Charlotte, which very much is not the question that she asked him.

No, it also implies that he's involved with Nikki, which is worse, which is terrible. So Nikki loves this situation. She loves that she finally has a dad and her mom is finally falling in love and advises them to have sex with each other and is like, it's so gross, it's so sitcom kid gross where she's like, tonight, I'm gonna sleep with my headphones on. Are you going to make love with each other?

She says, are you gonna make love to each other? Tonight, I'm sleeping with my headphones on, so I wouldn't hear anything. And they both say, I love a few tasteful toys. Here are my berry white albums. I think you'll find this little blue pill can help you pass any qualms you might have. Patrick. But then she, they have a conversation that is so, it felt like the kind of, it felt

the kind of thing that I see usually in like an Al and Aldo project, where it's two middle-aged, kind of upper middle-class, rich white people saying like, I have such feelings for you. I think you should go, because if you stayed tonight, I'd just never be able to let you go. Yes, that would be the mature decision to make, because I'm so torn by lust for you and love for you.

We do love each other, and that's why I have to leave right now. And I was like, they are so like, let's shake hands and say, shake hands and say good night. And it was like this very like, hmm, I don't know what love feels like anymore or lust for that matter. But I assume that's it now. So I think I'll leave now like it felt like two robots that have been programmed to tell each other that they love each other.

There could be like a complex movie made about this, but this movie does not pick a lane as Alonzo said before. Like, either you don't give, don't be more a family, which is what I would advocate for, or you make it much clearer that like, like everyone's tortured over this. Maybe he realizes that he's kind of a dick. Like, yeah. But it also, who is Nicky's dad? Like, chlorine?

Where they divorce, is it a virgin bird? Like, we're never told anything. It's true, it is a huge, it is a gaping, there must be something that they cut out maybe. Cause it is a gaping void that we never find out what the deal is with that. Cause they're very, it's a very different situation if her parents are divorced, if her father died,

did she ever know her dad, did her mother have a child out of, like not married, like, those are all different situations that a child would react to. What's her father, like a short, like those are all different situations that a child would react to. Like what's her father? Like a like a short fast-talking Englishman, because that would explain her connection with him. Yeah, her dad was Bob Hoskins. That's the thing. I mean, Bob Hoskins would be Anthony Nuley.

Yeah. I think there's a there's a feeling yeah that that God created this family out of whole cloth for Dudley Moore's character to like escape from his his family, which is Fine. Yeah, exactly Anyway, they have this kind of like a simulacrum kind of like a kind of You know Jordan Wolfson animatronic character conversation about love And dravis the dravis is throw a big fundraiser at their factory community center house and Patrick's wife and son show up Oh shit, yeah, things are gonna go down except they don't it's super awkward

But then but then as I mentioned earlier Dudley Moore's son goes up and goes dad Don't think I don't understand and it's this weird moment It's like so is it that your son also wants to have sex with Mary Tyler Moore, and that's why he like gets it like Well, you like the dick fan die show on Nick at night when he was young I guess this week and it is like that that dying girl is so precocious I totally understand why she needs your attention more than more than I do it look looked at I'm going to college soon I want to cut ties with this family too like let's just make a pact you and me we, we're not, this family doesn't exist anymore.

If it shake on it, it never happens. Yeah, you and me, mom, this never happened. Mary Tyler Moore, like sort of pulls the life away and they have like a conversation off screen. It could be an interesting scene, but they don't show it. Where like, I assume what happens is Mary Tyler Moore is reassuring the wife that nothing has happened even though there is this emotional affair going on.

And this scene is very strange because it is the closest the movie comes to acknowledging that like this is a really shitty thing that Dudley Moore is doing right now. But the rest of the movie, in particular, the ending seemed to make us like want to make us think like, no, no, no, like you should be with Mary Tyler more. We get it too.

And we never see the his family again after this scene, right? Like they're just not in the movie anymore, I think. Yeah, I don't think so. But there's a, so they might like be on the other side of a phone or something. Yeah, yeah. So Charlotte tells Patrick during a very subdued grown up phone call again, this is kind of like Alan Aldo emotions that she's met, now that she's met his family and they have faces,

they can't do this anymore. And she and Nikki are going to fly to New York and maybe go, who knows, travel all over the world together. And Patrick is like, well, like it's fucking bucket list situation. Yeah, I mean, literally it is a bucket list situation. And Patrick is like, no, no, and he chases after them and catches them at the airport. And it is like, and they're all like, yay, we're together again.

And there's a segment, there's a brief moment where, to tell you more, it's having trouble with the metal detector at the airport? He just can't seem to get all this metal out of his pockets. And I was like, I can't figure out if this is supposed to be funny or if I'm supposed to be like, no, no, he's not gonna be able to catch up with them

or if I'm gonna be like, good, stay there. Don't like get stuck. I don't want you to be these people. And this was even, this is before the current like TSA. Like you should be like, you should be like, waltz at the real time. Wait a minute, let's check point. This checkpoint didn't happen after 9-11 Dan

I'm just saying like like to have like this Stensely funny set piece about like a guy who I assume as a senator travels all the time He's a state center I mean, although I do see like those days, it was like, let me check your Gunsir. It has bullets in it. Good. That's the way to the gate. Just go up there. Is your flame thrower fully charged? Okay. Good. You're clear. Now this is going to lie story. I want to take the plane to Cuba. Do you want to get in that line? Now this is a live story. You want to take the plane to Cuba?

Do you want to get in that line? Ha ha ha ha. True story. My family went to Spain in 1978 to celebrate my parents silver wedding anniversary because that's where they were both born. My grandmother had in her house an unexploded, defused Spanish Civil War bomb. Wow. We took it apart, put the pieces in different pieces of luggage, and brought it home, and I

still have it as a doorstep. Wow. That's pretty fantastic. That's pretty great. And yet, Dudley Moore's change is somehow making it impossible for him to get to the L.A. X. You know, New York. Back then, every now and then, they'd stop you, and they'd say, actually, can you check

that bag? Someone wants to bring a bomb on in the overhead compartment. We'd really appreciate it if you could make space for it. But yeah, he just, he can't get through there, but he catches them on an escalator. I will say, I was like, oh, LAX really has not changed very much in the past 40 years because I recognize the tunnel that he was running through.

But he catches them, they all fly to, also, he, when did he buy a ticket? Did he buy the ticket on the plane? Like, come on, let's go on our own here. The conductor comes down the aisle. Yeah, oh, we're going to a New York $2.3 chargeable on the plane, click, click, click, click, punching out the holes on it.

That was the earlier era plane travel, yeah, okay, walking about punching out holes. I mean, there was, there were times, I don't think you ever do it on cross country flights, but there was a period in the 70s where there were commuter flights where if they had empty seats, they would sell them to you on the plane. Like you could just walked up to walk up to get on the plane. They'd be like, if they're in finding empty seat, and then you could buy it on the plane. Okay, so they're in New York and they have a magical Christmas time weekend.

What better place to be in, to be in on Christmas than New York? Because it's got all the things that Christmas is all about. Snow that is covered in dog feces, homeless people dying under newspaper blankets. What are the great things for New York in Christmas? I haven't been there in a while, guys. What do you remember? What do you think these days?

The road to Florida is Christmas tree, Elliot. Oh yeah, yeah. You got Christmas trees infested with owls all sorts of stuff. Yeah. So they go skating. I assume I looked away. They do go. They go ice. They do all things. She goes skating and they watch. She goes skating and they watch. She goes skating and they watch. She stands. So holiday themed, reindeer flavored pizza sausage meat. Do they? reindeer flavored pizza sausage. Well, they, they, they, they grind up the pizza. They grind up the, they, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, they grind up the, it tastes just like real reindeer. And yeah, and the blood is. The weird thing then is that they tie it.

It's a bad, that's a bad business plan where your pizza is mostly marketed towards bears that wander into New York. Yeah, I mean, we used to, back in the olden days, where more bears wandered in. Yeah, and that's Christmas time. All the bears come in just for the holiday tourists. The other thing that's weird is they take the sausages

and tie them into a pretzel shape. So it's also a pretzel. Now, one thing that I, I wonder if now if I should talk about how much I've come to dislike Christmas as I get older or should we save that for the end? I'm not sure. Alonso is here, why not, you know.

Yeah, I'll, just say it to my face. Alonso, I didn't want to have to see this this way. A massive Christmas tree. There's a huge display, there's a nativity scene. It looks like it's handmade. Did you make that yourself?

Out of butter, yes. I mean, I, I will say a lot of those real Christmas tree. And I, you know, like, there's no way to say this. I was like, I don't want to insult a lot of them. And I'm like, there's no way to say this. I was like, I don't want to insult Alonzo, and I'm like, there's no way of saying this. It looks a little like the Charlie Brown, Christmas, Christmas tree. They're large gaps in it, I would say.

It is a silver tip for, which is a very intentional choice, and they're harder to come by because there's the kind of thing you see in like 40s movies all the time, but now, one, when you have to really look for it, they really show off the ornaments well. So, I know people's go to for this kind of the thing you see in like forties movies all the time but now you have to really look for it they really show off the ornaments well I know people's go to for this kind of thing is Charlie Brown but you know I'll tell you the we come back at night you'll see it all lit up it'll you'll get all right I will come back to this the Skype call at night now that no the problem is dance of vampires and now allons he can just walk into your

house whenever now you even invited anymore. Oh no, I've invited him. Yeah. Now here's the thing. I used to be agnostic on Christmas, by which I mean, I was like, whatever, someone else's holiday. But now that I have children, and they are bombarded by Christmas stuff at school, I'm like, we gotta stop.

This has got to end now. And I'm finding myself becoming- You're not gonna stop this? Yeah, I think you're to stop it from coming? So anyway, I've been listed in the war on Christmas and I'm now going to be just burning down Christmas trees. But now I'm getting much more militant about him understanding what Hanukkah is all about

than I would have been otherwise. I'm like, we're going to talk about some Maca-Bees, Sammy. Like, it's time to tell a Maca-Bee story. And he's like, can I open my present now? And I'm like, um, Antiooccus would let you open that present. Let's talk about it, Sammy. I apologize by the way, as a Gentile that Christmas has caught has forced you to elevate a minor holiday in the Jewish calendar

to TLTL and too little too late. I mean, I appreciate that. I appreciate you taking on the shoulders of 2000 years of anti-Semitism, but it's too little too late. And just when the shoes on the other foot in a couple hundred years and when Judaism's the world religion, just get ready to be bored of Passover. Look, I guess if by apologizing, I have now become the subject of all of all I. Or, you know, like, that's the sacrifice that I gotta take.

I don't wanna. Yeah. I watched Love Light's Hanukkah on the Hallmark channel last night, so I like to think I'm doing my part to bridge the- I appreciate that. You know what Alonzo, you're one of the good guys. I appreciate that.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, Alonzo, to roll the good for the Jews. Look, look, look. The goal of my life. If you need that, if you need that blurb, attribute it to me, I'll take it. Good for the Jews.

Sign off, I like it. So anyway, but Christmas in New York yet is a magical time. Anyway, they do all the maids, all the, they, I was getting the Go See the Nutcracker, which did bring back memories to me because my family every year did Go See the Nutcracker when I was young, go see the nutcracker, which did bring back memories to me because my family every year did go see the nutcracker when I was young, which was fantastic.

They step in wet cement and ruin a construction project, and I'm just hoping it's trumper-laded, in which case, great. You ruined it. I ruined it. And Nikki reads them her list. They're sitting in, what is it? In Sherman Square, is that it's like right by the big statue

of General Sherman at the corner of the park. And they said, she's reading this list of things she's never done her head. And mentions, I've never had sex. And I was like, movie, this cannot turn into Dudley Moore being a hero by having sex with Nick. This cannot turn into. That is not the thing.

There's a thing, like if this was a, if again, a smarter movie, if you're gonna put that in, you gotta do the smarter movie. Yeah, if you're gonna be able to put that in, you gotta do the work movie. No, no, no, no. If this is about a 13 year old girl who is dealing heavily with her, you know, her, basically her death sentence, rather than this like weird backdoor,

like tragedy romance. Like if it's really about this girl dealing with things, like I would understand this as a conversation she has with her therapist, you know, like she's of an age where she's like beginning to have these regrets, like I will, this is a thing I will not experience in my life. Adults get to experience I won't. But like saying it as part of her list to her mom and her,

like the guy she's trying to like manipulate it to being her dad is weird. Yeah. Or that I was worried. I've never seen an x-rated movie was also on that list. Yeah, that's true. And it's like, I wonder, there is, I mean, I guess there is a, if they were making this movie in like the late 60s, early 70s, I could see a version of where they're like, well, let's do all those things and they're like, take it to a porn. And they're just hiring like a, hiring a hustler to

sleep with her for one night. Like, all right. I can go far down. Can we watch midnight cowboys? Is that yeah, I mean, technically, I straight it, but it's one of those, I could see it being one of those like, those comedies that were very O tray in the late 60s and then you watch them now and you're like, this is not aged well. This, I understand that you were rebelling against something, but this is not something. Most French comedies of the 1970s. Yeah, certain things you wanted to rebel against

should not have been rebell against. Yeah, yeah. So, but she instead, they just have her drive a horse carriage around Central Park. So I was like, okay, this is good. Movie, you know what? That's, that's really making love. she instead, they just have her drive a horse carriage around Central Park. So I was like, okay, this is good. Movie, you know what? That's basically like making love.

That's good enough. Yeah. Potato potato. The feeling needs to have some big dumb animal. I'm not sure. Steward, if someone has had sex like two, three times, like you know that it's just as good as getting in a horse-drawn carriage.

And guys, but have you driven a horse carriage? Yeah, of course I did. That was when I was on my way to that x-rated movie I watched Which one was it? Which one? Well, it was a short it was a short video. I saw it on somebody's computer. It was about I don't know like 15 seconds long Wow, and it had it was my-breaking. Yeah. It had some very interesting sound design. Let me say that. I'm so confused about what, what the reality of this vid is. Like what,

but, uh, so that night, uh, at Nikki's instigation, they have a little sort of play wedding with her dead bird voodoo fetish, which she brought with her. It's amazingly not rotted by this point as the priest and Nikki conducts the ceremony where she has them proclaim vows of eternal memory of the love of this moment and they're a family now.

And it is, it's like, it is such a mid-summer type scene where I'm like, but they think it is touching and beautiful. It was, right. It is so upsetting that this young girl, yeah, it's like forcing again, these two adults, one of whom has a family into this mock wedding, it feels like the twilight zone episode, it's a good life, where it's good, it's good that you're making us marry each other. It's good you're making me abandon my wife and child. Yes, it's good you're making me sleep with your mom.

Yes, Nikki, these are all good. It's like, it's this weird, someone who, it feels like someone who lives in a movie, made it. Like, someone who's not fully aware of human emotions, but like, lives in movies and it's like, isn't this adorable? And it's like, there's so much, like, and what has gone wrong in this girl's relationship with her mother

that she's like, this is an okay way to do things. Like, we've kidnapped this man. And now, isn't this seen like mentioned on the poster? Like the posters like, the girl's dying, the guy's, the groom is already married and the bride is in her sweatpants or something. I'm obviously. That's like a different poster. Yeah, it's on the poster. I'm obviously. That's a different poster.

Yeah, it's on the poster. I mean, if not, I love that. Or maybe it's like the tagline listed on IMDB after you have to search for it three times, because it keeps telling you not found. I swear, I never heard of this movie. One of the things I did read about it was that the promotional release for the movie

made a big deal about how Mary Tyler Moore and Dudley Moore have the same last name, which is if that's what you're selling the movie on, you do not have much. You do not have much to go on. I'm so glad they pointed that out because I would have missed it. Yeah, I would be like if the Avengers press material

was like, there are so many Chris's in this fucking movie. Okay. Okay. Actually, that should be the Avengers. Wereleased on Christmas time and they go, Merry Christmas and they just show all the Christmas. Paul, new man and Gary, old man in the season. Yeah. If they touch will they explode? That is what happened.

Then anyway, because the movie... The movie become man. The movie was called the Incredible Exploding Man. So they have that ceremony. They're a family now in the eyes of whatever demon is living inside the dead bird fetish that Nikki has created. And which is driving them to their doom. The next day, Patrick arranges or rather demands

a ballet audition for Nikki. Who is running these auditions? Is it the hotel manager from Ghostbusters? I believe it is. And she really impresses them with her audition. And they're like, you know what? We've got to use her today because I know this is an all-kid's production of the Nutcracker and it will destroy our young star that she is being replaced by a new person.

We've only known for a day, but we are doing this right now. Yeah, they don't just stick her in the fuck, she's like the lead all of a sudden. And I looked away from the movie for like a minute and then I came back and I'm like, what is going on? Like, how is it possible that in one day she auditioned and now they were putting her in opening night of the nut cracker at Lincoln Center? And then I'm just like, you know what movie?

No explanation you're gonna give me. It's gonna make me swallow this. So, whatever. Well, I've addressed rehearsal, I think like that's their excuse for this thing. And she sort of comes in midway through, but she gets the meatiest part of the dance. Oh, yeah, she's clapped.

I think there's an unsmoken conversation about how Drifus Cosmetics is underwriting their next season. There's also a great scene where all the young ballerinas are applying their own makeup for this production. And they're all kids, and it's like, they wouldn't all be able to do the same fucking thing. Like, I mean, they're all kids and it's like, they wouldn't all be able to do the same fucking thing. I mean, they're all kids. I'm a sous-serve stagecraft.

Yeah. I like that that was the thing you really bumped on in the scene. Like, where's the makeup person? So yeah, she gets to be clearer for a little bit in it. They want to be fair. Okay, the movie makes it seem as if this is the New York Ballet balance scene production of the Nutcracker that they do every year.

This is like some kind of kids' theater, different choreography production. So the movie pulls a little sleight of hand there. And meanwhile, she's rehearsing all day, this sick girl who's dying of leukemia, they are pushing her to the brink with this ballet rehearsal. Patrick and Charlotte go out and buy a Christmas tree and carry it by hand into a hotel. If I walked into a hotel with a Christmas tree in my hands, I bet the hotel would have some questions. But I guess it thinks we're looser back then. It

is an extremely poorly attended knuck cracker performance. But I guess that's, I guess it is the dress rehearsal. But I was just amazed. I was like, they couldn't fill these seats a little more. This is a big Hollywood movie. There's nobody there. But they, she dances in the Nutcracker. And this section feels like it happens for six weeks. There is a lot of Nutcracker dancing in this. You say that as someone who has gone to the ballet

and enjoyed it? Someone who loves ballet, especially loves the Nutcracker, loves the music. It's like, I know, I was like, oh, they're putting her in right after they killed a rat king. Oh, this is the part where, you know, she and the, she, the nutcracker takes off his mask. And he's a prince now. But the seat like, it's, it's, I'm seeing afterwards that it's a professional ballerina that they have is in the playing the part. I was like, okay, I get it now, but it is a long time where you're just watching Dudley Moore and Mary Teller Moore watching a children's production

of the nutcracker. And I kept looking at how much time was left in the movie and being like, they're really running out of the clock with this Nutcracker performance. Like they can't be too much going on after this. They throw flowers at the stage, everyone applaud her final dream as it turns out

is to take the subway home. This also took me back because it is 1980s graffiti covered like the subway home. This also took me back because it is 1980s graffiti covered like disgusting subway train It's so wow Really it was what it was like when I was a kid But she has some core kind of illness spell movie sickness spell And she's in pain and they can't they have a Patrick and Charlotte argue for a while over whether they should stop the train or not And it's like we got to stop the train my baby and Dud's like, oh, but it will just go to the next stop.

That would be quicker than if you, and it was so funny that they're having the same conversation that I would have with my wife if our train was just stopped in a tunnel. Which is like, do we get off at the next stop? Or do we just like, should we take a cab from here? And all the New Yorkers try to help, but they mainly just bustle around

and there's nothing they can do. She, Nikki pass it on. I will say about this scene. It would be very hard to make a scene where a child dies on a subway and not be moved. But I, so maybe it's a low bar, but I, it was a distressing scene because you see all of these other people on the subway watch this play out, watch the strong play out. And I thought that that was actually kind of a smart, direct, ordil choice, like the amount of time they spend on,

like the faces of other commuters who are like, holy shit, who's a child dying in front of this. Who's commuters horrible. Yeah, I thought you were gonna say, I thought you were gonna say, it'd be hard to have a scene about the death of a child and not make it moving, and somehow they did it.

Somehow they managed. Because yeah, as Stuart pointed earlier, she has not displayed a single symptom, a moment of discomfort, like nothing, this whole movie, she has been carrying on like everything's great. She has just exerted herself through this very exhausting ballet performance, and then suddenly it's on the subway where she literally just says it hurts and then bam drops dead. I'm like, that's, oh, come on, movie. Like, I get that as a dancer, you leave it on the floor, but like this is just, to the another level of rakeless, and then they keep cutting to like other people watching, including this one boy who's like about 10 years old,

who just stares as though he has no interest in what's going on, and they cut back in New York. Three. That's New York. I mean, they keep, and I kept waiting like, is he gonna break? Is he gonna start like, is he gonna show emotion and be overwhelmed by this moment?

Nope, nope, nevermind. No, that was, and ironically that like dancing when they were cutting to these other people in the train, I liked that because it was the one of the few times they broke like hermetic seal on this relationship where it was like, oh, they do exist in a world of other people.

But that kid Alonzo, his total lack of response, it was like, oh, they do exist in a world of other people. But that kid, Alonzo, his total lack of response, I was like, yes, that is what, that's a real New Yorker response. Yeah, on the subway. Is you're seeing that? And like, I don't know, whatever. And I guess, I mean, that might be this.

It could be more of a critique than a compliment, the more I think about it, the fact that I am more moved by the bystanders who we've never seen before in the movie, then either of the characters are supposed to love this character. Yeah, that's a pretty, that's a pretty strong critique, I would say, that's the movie not doing its job.

When you're like, who's this kid? Who's this, like I did think that kid was more interesting than anything else going on in the movie. I was like, who's this little jerk who doesn't care that this girl is tonight? What's his heart into badass? Okay. So one other thing.

He grew up to be Steven Miller. No. Oh God. Oh, they should have thrown him under the train. As a child, I would never advise doing that now to a human being, but so they run off the train. That's when we see it was an M train from Lincoln Center, whatever, we don't have time to worry about that. And because it's the next,

because we're in an ambulance all of a sudden, going across a bridge, oh no, we're going down, well, it doesn't matter what street we're going to. Anyway, anytime I see a New York in a movie that I'm like, geography, I understand. I know this stuff, so. The next morning, Nikki has died.

We know because Patrick is reading to her mom, Nikki's last testament and journal, and she talks about how she had a wonderful life and she tells them not to be sad, donate all her things, and she would like her ballet shoes to be worn by a famous ballerina. And she implies that her last, I think the implication is her last wish is for Patrick

to Charlotte to finally have sex. It was not totally clear, but it was like, you know what I want you to do, Hank, Hank, wink, wink. And she was like, or just, just be together, which is like, wow, what an amendipulative dead kid. Yeah.

If you love me, and she was like, donate my entire inheritance and you're like, what? That's like, wait, do you want me to die now? Do I have to be buried in your fucking tomb, kid? Yeah, Mary, Mary Tyler more is supposed to give way all of her money and throw herself on the funeral pyre of

Nikki's grave. Yeah. I would like you both to be buried in my pyramid with me to take care of me and be my parents in the afterlife. Now to that. I would like deadly more organs in a child. Of course. And then stuff is corpse was sawdust. So the so is this one we finally get to a we get to their, you know, their heartfelt goodbye at the TWA terminal at JFK. Because I was very much.

First we get to. Mm-hmm. They're at and also, but first we get to see them very, we get to see the whole process as they pick out and buy a magazine at the newsstand of that. Which it was only after those like that was a weird choice that we spent that much time watching them pay for this magazine. Yeah. Well, you see the men in black in the background. That was what that scene. Yeah. Oh, I see. Set up the later franchise.

That would be amazing. It's like, yeah, the whole thing was a backdoor pilot for this for this men in black group. So they say goodbye. She says, I'm going to go to France for a while. I have a house there that we used to go to with my dad, because just to remind us that she's super rich, uh, and has, has essentially used this congressional candidate as her family play thing for a few weeks and, and kind of wrecked his life. Not really, I mean, isn't he getting me one? He's equally guilty. I guess he does. They say they love each other. They, oh, first they take a walk in Central Park,

then they go to the airport. They buy that magazine. And then the last scene is, we see the text of a telegram that Patrick is writing over footage of Nikki and Charlotte Dancing together in the ballet studio. And he says, hey, two France, hey, I won the election. How do you do it? Am I still a thing with you?

Like that's basically what love to hear from you. Yeah, it's basically like, it's kind of like a booty telegram in a way. We're like, Hey, I'm a congressman now you up. What's going on? Who's who you up? Who's on the fucking politics beat who just didn't break this story about a congressional candidate? That was the other thing. He wins the election after abandoning his

family during the campaign. Like, like, we just saw a guy lose a Senate race because he was texting with some people. Like, he was, you know, it was the 80s. I guess, I mean, they did at the time, we did have a president who was the president, also of the Hellfire Club in her circle and was presiding over SNM orgies guys. I'm trying to start this rumor that Reagan was head of the hellfire club. Yeah, this is going to be a bit. I mean, in 40 years, it's just going to be established fact, but now I'm trying to get it started. Yeah, I guess it's weird that the I think of the 80s as a much more like uptight time, but you're right. We said a lot, a lot of the, it's like the remnants of the 70s are still floating through and the 70s was the time when middle aged people

wanted their 60s, I guess, and we're just like, well, just doing what they wanted and forgetting about the damage. Yeah, well, that, that is definitely the like fucking wheelhouse this movie is in. This is like, this is the, I don't know, like 70s soft rock male ballad of movies, but it also like, you know, there wasn't the media presence, I think, at the time to be like constantly on scandal watch, but it did seem strange watching it today, being like, someone's gonna prick the story, right? That's gonna be a hot point. Why isn't this on Huff-Pow right now?

And this was literally a very 70s kind of thing in that this is a script that knocked around for quite a while before getting made. Like there's this insane array of people who were attached to it at some point and who were gonna be in it. It was like, you know, Nick Nolte and Audrey Hepburn and like all they like this, just list of actors and actresses before they got to the magical combination of the moors here. Screenplay by Alan Moore. That's why the characters were,

the characters, I took his name off of this too. Yeah, where the characters were originally Mr. McCauver and little Nell. That's why it was, that's why it was Nell and more project. Yeah. Well, speaking of the screenplay, it's speaking about how it bounced around for a while.

Thank you for giving me the opening to say that this is based on a novel. And the novel is written by someone named Fred Mustard Stewart. Fred Mustard Stewart. Oh, yeah. And the screenplay is by David Celter and Celter will take out mustard. That was, yeah, that, I, this was a joke that I considered making and then decide not to where I was going to be like, no, they're halfway to a deli in this movie, mustard and celter.

Oh, wow. But the, uh, it's a, wait, wait, wait, that's one that you wouldn't say. It was, I felt like I am not yet an old enough Jew to tell that particular joke. Give me, and then the waiter brings you a Tony bill. Oh. That's the direction. Oh, the portions are so small, I do want Dudley Moore.

So. By the way, this is the same guy who directed Crazy People. So clearly he loved working Dudley Moore so much. They opened up a restaurant together. It turns out Tony Bill and Dudley Moore. They were real friends. So it's the, anyway, so Dan, you had, do you want to talk about the, are there anything about the novel or just that the guy's name had mustard in it? Just a guy's name had mustard in it, that's all. Although I will say,

in terms of what we were talking about earlier, like script doctor stuff, I think that there could be an interesting movie in the idea of like, okay, there's this idealistic girl who's dying. Okay, pitch it to me, pitch it to me, really give us the enthusiasm.

Dudley Moore has no family. Let's, let's, let's, okay, yeah. Gotta cut that right now. So you're saying Dudley Moore has less people in his life, okay? Great. I love it. He has a lot of roles. There is no romance between him and the mother.

Maybe even like there's a mother and a father, both of whom are sort of like reasonably suspicious that this is a weird relationship, but you know come to accept this man. But like it is more about this young woman who is dying, who is idealistic and believes in this person, and this politician who maybe like does hold these ideals on the outside and like, and believes in them, but doesn't necessarily make human connection well and does with this young girl. And it would still be kind of a cliche story, but I think it would eliminate a lot of the emotional problems I had with it.

So the dying girl's interested in politics and not so much in pimping out her mind. Okay, exactly. Okay. That's my first fix. My screenplay fix. I think that's a good, that's a good, so, and you're saying that he's like a, he's a real policy wank.

So she knows from following the blogs, we're updating it. It's not set in the 80s anymore. She knows from following the blogs that like he's got all the answers, he's this young progressive, or maybe maybe an older progressive, I don't know, who's got, but he's not good at talking to people about it. And she gives him the human touch. Now, do you have a climax where they're at the election headquarters? It's election night.

He has to race from the party to her bedside. And she dies just as he wins the election So there's a big party go there's a big party going on. There's confetti falling But you know what the light just went out of his life and now it was it was also crazy because Election night happened to be the same night as the dress rehearsal for the Nutcracker, right? Yeah, it's it's an off election that's happening on Christmas for some reason. And so it's feeling this, so that the previously older died under mysterious circumstances,

maybe the girl killed them. And that could be a thing that she's like a Hannah type of sassin, you know, and so she wanted to make an opening for this guy to run for office, it's a special Christmas election. The Nutcracker thing is a fundraiser. She collapses during the show. I love it. In the middle of the climactic moment,

when the Nutcracker is about to hold her up in the lift from dirty dancing, that's when she collapses and they have taken to the hospital. And he runs out. It's a fundraiser on the last day, on election day, which is pretty late that I guess he still has bills that he owes. Oh, yeah. So what if she's at the big party and he wins the balloons fall,

the confetti, he gets up to make a speech. He goes, I have to acknowledge I couldn't be here without Nikki. And he brings her up and she's been thoroughly healthy the entire film. And she gets up behind the microphone. And suddenly her face turns deathly white. She says it hurts and collapses as all the cameras snap photographs and he's standing there holding her life. Yeah, like a beard.

Yeah. Yeah. Can I, can I plus this idea? What if, what if instead of just collapsing her head explodes a scanner style? So she has some sort of, she has some sort of disease that leads to exploding heads and they're looking for a killer. Okay, she has scanner syndrome. And also it's a pandemic. That's the thing.

He's running for office during this time where there's scanner syndrome get hit and anytime nobody knows. And they think they've beaten it, but in the end, Nikki proves that they haven't. Yeah, yeah. So you can expand the scope quite a bit. You got scenes of like riots and foreign countries because there's only so much vaccine for scanner syndrome. And it's like, it's like a World War Z or something like that. You know, so we can open this up because it's based on a stage play.

We got to open it up from the stage play. It's based on which of course was called Scanners Girl Election Day Christmas. And we, which I maybe it's a segment from Forbidden Broadway. I don't know. Maybe that's it. Uh, so, so Dan, the, uh, no, no, no, I don't say we have any. I know, no, no, casting. Who are you casting in these parts? Who's the, who's the girl? Who's the, who's the progressive policy wonk and who is the, uh, who's the opponent who's, who will do anything to take down the progressive even,

if it even blackmail theft and in an amazing sequence, taking the Super Bowl hostage. So who's the, who do you play these parts? All right, okay, here we go. Here we go, we got a Christmas Super Bowl. The Christmas Super Bowl, yeah, it's, it's, again, everything's thrown out of whack because of this special elections,

they're holding the Super Bowl on Christmas as well. Yeah, the politician, of course, has to be Adam Driver. He's very hot right now. You know, it's good to play intense and I think the young girl To avoid any possible like weirdness should be Andy circus doing motion capture. Okay, so you're not some kind of an elite of battle angel type thing where there's a little bit of an uncanny valley about the girl I would say if you want to avoid that problem even entirely you cast Amy Adams as the girl and she just has pig tails And it's okay because she's an adult playing a little girl. I mean that's weird in a different way Can we get to the ending and who plays the bad guy who plays the bad guy? Yeah, who's the bad guy? Dan Ackroyd. Wow. Okay.

Nick Villain. Big, yeah, that's a big, big, uh, nothing but trouble. Yeah, sure. Um, yeah, let's get to the, let's get to the final judgments because I don't know what's going on in Stuart's corner of Brooklyn. It looks like it's much later there than in my, my part of Brooklyn, the, the sun is going down. So let's, uh, still so battle right now.

Is this a good bad movie, bad movie, bad movie? A movie kind of like, I will start. I said, I looked this movie by the end of it and put me in a bad mood. Wow. I was angry at the movie. I got out of it. I don't hold it against Salonso, but I walked out of it

in a sour mood. I thought the people were bad. I didn't like it. It was boring. You snapped the DVD that you had ordered for Amazon. You go. Go ahead, Amazon Prime, if you want to shake it. OK.

I'll go next. Yeah, it is a bad bad movie. It's terrible. It's terrible. It was, I wish, like there's, there's a version of this movie that is a good bed movie, but this one is a little,

a little dull, but there is part of me that like, and I wanna thank Alonzo, because there's part of me that was like, I, there is no chance in hell that I would ever have seen this movie. And it was like a little taste of the kind of movie that I imagine,

like my parents going to go see when I was a kid, and then just being so disappointed and coming back and not telling me about it. And it really took me back to a year when movies like this could come out. And it's like, okay, there was a period when they made this stuff. So I appreciated it, but not as a movie, it was terrible.

But I appreciate it as a snapshot of a worst time, Stewart. Yeah, yeah, no, this is a bad, bad movie. and yeah, it's fun to get to watch, you know, a bad movie from another era and bad in ways that are like, it didn't feel bad in the like boring, modern kind of like overproduced Hollywood way. It felt like a little bit of, a little bit of that, but also a little bit of the like. This is somebody's passion project. Even if it wasn't, it felt a little bit like somebody cares a lot about this dumb movie that doesn't make sense. Who is this movie for?

Nobody knows. So yeah, bad bad. Yeah, I will, I'll close a little bit, it's totally bad, bad. My friend Joel Ryan tipped me off to it years ago. And the line that she always quotes from it is one that Dave and I have turned into a running joke in our house, which is after she says the thing about, are you two going to make love?

Dudley Moore says, you're an outrageous child, Nicole. Oh. Oh. Oh. I just love throwing that into conversations because it's a guaranteed laugh, getter. Much like this movie in general. But yeah, it is bad in the way of like,

someone thought this was a good idea. Like somebody really committed to the bit of this thing. It certainly doesn't feel like it was created by committee or the studio thought, we're gonna cash in on the, I don't know what, dying. We're not a cash in on the, not a cash in on the abandoning your family trend.

Yeah, yeah. It's a, and knowing that the script was around for so long that like people were trying free years to tell this story is, it's crazy. Cause you're watching it and you're like, they got developed a lot. It's amazing. Like you're watching, it must have been a big,

the book must have sold well. Yeah, I figured this is like, oh, but what if like love story was about a kid instead of a lover? I don't know. I, it's weird. Yeah, they're like, it's love story, but a lot of people's lives are ruined as collateral by the two, by the leads.

Like it's to go into the movie and be like, yeah, yeah, we're going to make this movie. It's about a guy who becomes friends with a, it's about a grown man who becomes friends with a 13 year old girl. Okay, but why does he do that? Well, he's falling in love with her mother. Oh, that's great. He's already married and he has a child. What are you doing?

What is going on? Oh, okay. I gotta read the book one of these days, just out of curiosity, but I haven't brought myself to that yet. Which, where does it's a Western? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

[♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUTRO MUSIC [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ [♪ [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ [♪ OUT [♪ OUT I don't know how to describe it. There's always that moment where Jesse asks a question that the person he's interviewing has not thought of before. I don't think anyone's ever said that to me or acknowledged that to me, and that is so real. Bullseye! Interviews with creators you love and creators you need to know from MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hi, I'm James, host of Minority Corner, which is a... and NPR. news. You're gonna learn your history, their self-empowerment, and it's told by what feels like your best friend. Why should someone listen to

minority corner? Why not? Oh my god. Free stuff. There's not free stuff. The listeners of minority corner will enjoy some necessary L.O.L.s, but mainly a look at what's happening in our world through a colorful lens. People will get the perspective of marginalized communities. I feel heard, I feel seen. Like you said, you need to understand how to be more proactive in your community. And this is a great way to get started. Join us every Friday on Max Fun or wherever you get your

podcast. Minority corner because together we're the majority. The Flap House is sponsored in part by Squarespace. Now you all know Squarespace. You've been listening for a while unless you are listening to the first episode in which case welcome. I hope you enjoy the nonsense. But Squarespace is a service that allows you

to create a beautiful... No, Dan, when you said, when you said listening to the first episode, you meant listening to this episode. To this episode, this is the first episode. I'm saying this is the first episode that you may perhaps, I don't, you know, I don't wanna assume.

Every episode might be someone's first episode. Yeah, but they're not, you're not saying if you're listening to the first episode of the show, in which case there were no sponsors and I wasn't even on the show. Yeah. Yeah. And it's also any, and also any episode could be somebody's last episode of the show. Oh, wow. You're right. Dan, just get with the ads.

Sorry. I'm wasting time. Okay. Uh, so Squarespace can help you turn your cool idea into a new website. You can blog or publish content, you can sell products and services of all kinds, and much, much more. Squarespace helps you do this by giving you beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers.

Everything optimized for mobile right out of the box a new way to buy domains and choose from over 200 extensions and free and secure hosting. So you should head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now, Dan, I had an idea for a website based on today's movie and I was wondering if Squarespace might be able to help me with it. You know what? I had an inkling. You might have one of those. Yeah, I mean, I'm a little troubled. I'm a little concerned, but I'll hear you out. So let's say here's my customer base. Let's say you're a little kid, a prococious adolescent kid.

You don't have a dad. You want a dad, but even more than that, you want the thrill of poaching that dad from another family. Well, at secondhanddads.com, you would be able to come and look through our extensive catalog of dads who are, let's say, losing steam with their current families

and looking for new families to become the dads of. This is not a dirty site. This is not people who are interested in physical relationships with adult people. This is about emotional relationships with children and their single parents. So just log on to secondhanddad.com to know that you're getting someone who has the skills to be a dad

and the enthusiasm for a new family that will get them falling in love with your mom over, let's say, a whirlwind Christmas New York weekend. So that's secondhand dads dot com. You think Squarespace would be able to eagerly or ethically to help me with that? I don't know about the second, but I'm sure that they could help you design that website. Hey, we got another sponsor. It is called Kitty Poo Club.

And you know what, a lot of us are working from home right now, not all of us. You know, many of us have to still go out for work and God bless you if you're out there putting yourselves at risk just because you have to make a little money, I feel, for you. But if you are working from home, you're probably spending a lot more time with your cat. You're getting to see what they do during the day. It's a lot of sleeping in my experience,

a lot of staring out the window, crying whenever the kitten walks through your backyard, the stray cat in the neighborhood. But one thing, and you're loving it. You're loving all this extra time with your cat, you know? Your furry friend, you get an extra time face time with your cat, but what you don't love is having a cat. Case closed sounds like a great product's day. Hold on, hold on, there's a problem this product's going to solve and that's that you don't love dealing with the litter box. Well now every month, Kitty Poo Club can deliver an affordable high quality recyclable litter

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emissions from his body. Yeah sounds like somebody needs Kitt needs kitty poop club for himself to me Kill them all burp kill them all Cool, well, that was great. We got two cool sponsors Oh, we also have a couple of jumbo tronds. I believe Elliott. Why don't you take the first one? Sure, here's the jumbo tron for you and you know what? I'm gonna have a secret surprise, spoiler. It's a personal endorsement. Every week on Marvel by the month,

Brian Stratton and Rob Millen, I can't remember his last name's pronounced, sorry about that run. Chat with your favorite podcasters and comics professionals, like John Hodgman, Matt Fraction, Clint McElroy, Fred Hanback, Jordan Morris, and Tom Sioley about the best, worst, and weirdest parts of Marvel Comics history, one month at a time.

Look for Marvel by the month at MarvelbyTheMonth.com or wherever you download podcasts. And I was on an episode of this podcast. It actually just came out right before we are recording this episode. And I had a great time. It's a really fun podcast where they are reading through Marvel Comics in their heyday month-by-month and talking about the issues. And I think it's a really good show. So go listen to my episode where we talked about the birth of Adam Warlock and Modok among other characters. Oh, fun. And then go listen to the other episodes.

It was lots of fun. Marvel by the month. Wow, synergy. Cool. Mm-hmm. And I have a jumbo tron. I'm an artist. And throughout the pandemic,

I've been working on a project called Pornimon. It's like a mashup of Pokemon and Jurassic Park, if the creatures were all designed by a pervert. Me. Now, I'm assuming that's talking about the creator, not me, Stuart Wellington, but who cares? I was going to ask, we got to be honest. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't matter.

It's mostly safe for work despite how it sounds. Also, there are some tainted pornimon who resemble certain political figures in cathartic ways. So visit pornimon.com. That's p-o-r-n-e-m-O-N dot C-O-M for all the stuff made with square space, uh-oh synergy, and there's a couple trailers up on YouTube. Looks like a lot of fun. My Pornimon's let me show you them at Pornimon.com. One of the more unusual jumbo trunks so perhaps it catches your year. I believe there's another plug that your household stewards. Oh yeah. The Wellington

household. Oh, but now you can't hear. That's okay. Oh, all right. Hi guys. Hi Hello, hi Charlene. How are you good? How are you? I? liked your last episode It had it had a very high SPM Charlene's per minute. Oh, yeah, there are a lot of Charlene's a lot of mentions so Charlene What would you like to talk to us about today? I? Have a new podcast guys talk to us about today? I have a new podcast, guys, have you heard of About Podcasts? Is it, I heard it's like the radio of the future.

Of the future. I have a new podcast. It's called I Know the Owner, It's Me and a Guest. Sometimes the guest is Stewart. Sometimes the guest is somebody else in the bar industry. And we talk about bar stuff. And it's fun. And you can find it on iTunes.

Sounds fun. I know the owner. What kind of bar stuff do you talk about? We talk about how I got into the business, how other people got into the business. We have a section called, wow, I forgot what my section's called. It's called, you won't believe the fucking day I had

where it's supposed to mimic people belling up to the bar and telling me about their day. And then we, you know, talk about it. And we have so far recorded in the bar while it was open, so anything can happen. And what happened is the bar's going to be closed, so that's not going to happen. So after today, we will record in other locations.

So in this unfortunate time period, if you want the old Hunterlands experience, you can't talk to the bartender now, but what you can do, I guess, is on a weekend, get a takeaway drink, pop the podcast in, maybe you've sent in a complaint about something that happened in your week, and you can have that experience of chatting with a bartender while sipping your drink. Exactly. So, thanks for letting me plug sipping your drink. Exactly. So thanks for letting me plug it on your show.

Sure. Our pleasure. I guess I see it in the segment. I guess I see it in the segment. I see that's the end of that segment. Yeah. All right. And now back to the show.

Moving on to our next segment, which is letters from listeners like you who are listening right now. I assume Hey, that's right dad. Hey because Dan. It's the most Letterful time of the show It's the part of the show where the letters are read and we answer the letters It's the most letterful time of the show. If you thought there were other parts of the show that had letters in them, you'd be wrong. It's just this part that has the letters in them, this part of the show right here,

because it's the most letterful time of the show. And you gotta give it to him. I will give it to him that that is like the most accurate. Yeah, yeah. Letter song, I think we've had it a long time. Mm-hmm. If you're trying to destroy Christmas LAKEL and you're going about it all wrong,

because that's just my heart grew three sizes. Oh no, well what about this? Because here's Letter Q's, there's Letter Q's, Q's from the letter, it's from the letter, it's a Q's letter, letter, letter, Q about this? Here's letter cues. There's letter cues, cues from the letter to the lens accused letter letter letter, cues letter, cues letter letter, cues letter, letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letter letters. What about this? Wait, are there other Christmas songs? I can't think of any. No, not not a one. Okay, that's too bad. Oh, Dan's looking for a way to turn off his computer. I guess he's done. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, OK. So here we go with the first letter. Here come letter cues. There go letter cues. Hope you sent us some cues. Cues to answer questions. I guess I should have been clear about that at the start. Letters sometimes have questions in them,

and we're going to answer those letters. In this part of the show right now. How does the rest of the song go? I don't know. Anyway, that's the end of that song, or is it? It seems to be going still. I don't understand. I've lost control of it. I am as annoyed as you. Believe me, I wish I could stop it. At this point, it's kind of like a medical problem. I'll talk to my doctor after the show because I can't get this song to and Dan, you got to interrupt me.

I'm sorry. You got to keep the sleep. I mean, now you're war on Christmas feels feel. This one's from Alan last name with held who right inspired by the flop house and because of our desire to not make life worse for healthcare workers. Thank you. We have decided we've enough time to celebrate cagemas this year by watching a different Nicholas cage movie

every day in December. What or some much must adds to our list. This brings up a good point. I wanna just say quickly that our cagemas episode will release in early January. You know, like, it's a movable feast, guys. You don't know. It's in our hearts. Yeah, it's not necessarily going to come before Christmas or even slightly after Christmas, maybe in the next month. But cage miss cage miss is a made up holiday like Christmas. We can put it wherever we want to.

So that was the most, that was the most, uh, uh, uh, inflammatory thing I think I've ever said. Yeah. And I apologize immediately. Uh, okay. What do we got? Uh, great. So Nicholas Cage movies.

Look, you got to do, I, if you haven't seen Port, bad lieutenant, Porto Colondor Orleans, throw it on there. No, yeah, rules. Mm-hmm. Um, well, I'm, I'm trying to look through like, what's like a more, a more of you mean love? I mean, you get like,

obviously moon struck, you gotta put moon struck on there. I mean, you've got to put moon struck on there. You gotta put raising Arizona on there. Maybe you might have. I got a virus kiss. Vampires kiss. I know, really. I'm not a huge the scene where he goes through the alphabet, it's

watching. I mean, it's not good. Yeah. Um, while I'm allowed to space. Wild of heart. Yeah, give me some wild of heart. Yeah, or like Red Rock West. Yeah, like Red Rock West. Yeah, sure. Like I got a real. Oh, the spiderverse. Oh, yeah, he's a spiderverse. Why not? I've got a real fondness for the national treasure movies. They're dumb, but they're a lot of fun. Uh, speaking of dumb, but con air, yeah, what a movie that is so gifable. It's wonderful. I mean just the beginning of face slash off before the faces get switched because Nicholas cage Doesn't get that much to do once the face is just yeah, yeah, just the Opening tracking shot from snake eyes. Yeah, yeah If you're gonna celebrate cage was in December, I'm not a giant fan of it, but family man

is his technically one big Christmas movie. Oh, if you want to be seasonal about it, you can do Cajamas earlier than these guys. I can do. Some of his recent output, I enjoyed his performance in what is that mom and dad, where he demolishes a pool table even before he goes crazy. Yeah, and on the little scene side of things, we watched the trust for the show. And I think we all enjoyed it a lot more than we suspected.

We might. The trust is not a particularly good movie, but him and Elijah Wood in that, they're the way they relate to each other in it is so much fun to watch. And I wish that they would make something else together. There's a did finally get to play Superman and Teen Titans go to the movies, which I'm okay.

People don't talk much about that. I think it's getting more to be Superman. Yep. Dudley. The rest of the DC offices and demanded to see who is in charge. And you know what? Why not go? Why not go watch it could happen to you? Why not? Goes down easy. Oh, yeah, that's one one. That's a fun nice one, you know. And probably and of course Arsenal, right? Shut up. All right. Moving on. Valley girl. Yeah, Valley girl. Carly from I will say I will say do not see do not see doggy dog avoid that one.

If you're going to avoid plenty of them, but avoid that one particularly and you should probably fit in his performance as Fumanshu in grind house in that in that add for where women of the SS don't do that. Carly last name with held right. My brother has worked for all of his adult life in the hospitality industry in Las Vegas. We were watching a home alone too with his eight year old daughter and she said of the Tim Curry character. He's the bad guy right? After a long pause, JT said, well, he's just trying to do his job, and I can feel the two decades of hard work and shitty guests in his tone. My question is, have you ever watched a movie in which a character inspired a strange sense of pathos in you because of your own experience. Love you so much.

Cheers, Carly. Last name with hell. I love that anecdote. You know, he's just a guy trying to make his way in the world. Like he's he has been putting in. I don't know. He's been putting an untenable position where he is he is he is trying to keep a child on his own in New York from, I guess, stealing from a hotel, best case scenario, worst case scenario, being

murdered in the middle of the night by his kid shouldn't be honest. He's the hero of the movie in a lot of ways. I feel the same way about Tim Curry and the shadow. In some ways, I guess the wet bandits are the heroes of the home loan movies because all proper ownership is theft at a certain point. And so they're just trying to fix the iniquities in the system. Yeah. Comrades.

Sure. So I don't know. I think all film critics, all film critics have empathy for the Bob Ballabane character and the lady in the water. Mm hmm. Like what's your problem? I'm not sure I'm allowed. We're just out here trying to make a living.

I think anytime there's a character in a movie who is the like exists in the movie only to be the butt of a joke. This is not necessarily based on life experiences except that people I've been made fun of many times in my life. But like, when a character exists, only so the other characters can score jokes off of them that always bothers me. I was like, don't, and don't create this character and bring them to life just to it. It's okay to create a dumb character and have to be funny for the audience. But when it's like, your heroes are like ripping

on somebody. And you know, it's like, you created this character just for this purpose. Like, come on, don't do that. Yeah, it's one of the reasons why there's never a character in a movie named Stuart that isn't like. I mean, it feels like the character's only named Stuart because they couldn't get away with naming them like NerdBert or something. Like, yeah. I have a friend named Gary, he's very angry

about how he's been handled. Yeah. I will say that I have a friend named Gary. He's very angry about how he's been handled. Yeah. I will say that I have a special antipathy for movies about slackers. Or the slacker. We've noticed, Sally. We've talked about it. Anytime there's a character in a movie who's like a slacker and it's like, why can't I just stumble into my dreams?

I'm like, who's, I don't care about this person. Not interesting. Your hero is the principle in back to the future who hates slackers as much as you. I mean, that's not my hero, necessarily. Like Ogre in the Revenge of the Nerd series is my hero because we both hate nerds. And sleeves, we hate sleeves too. And anytime someone in a movie is like in the story, anytime someone's trying to do their job and it involves customer service of some kind, and the hero is being, the protagonist

is being like un, just like difficult or unreasonable, and we're supposed to get mad at the customer service person for not bending to their will. I'm always like, hey, do these the right way. Come on. It reminds me of working at Barnes Noble and having people come in and demand books that didn't exist and then get mad at me when I, and demand see the manager when I could not. You couldn't read and produce them. Yeah. Yeah. They'd come in and they'd be like, where's that red book? I saw, where's that? Someone came in and said, where's the book with a blue cover that I saw a month ago? And I was like, I don't know. Who was it by?

I don't know. What was the title? What was it about? I don't know. And I said the person, why do you want to read this book? Yeah, yeah. And they got mad at me. It's a really gorgeous shit of blue.

Yeah. Let's move on. Why don't we? So the final segment, which is recommendations of movies you might actually want to watch rather than this. And trust me, you do not want to watch this. I, uh, I'm going to go first and I will give you, I'm not recommending this movie. That's very, that's very generous of you, Dan. I'm not recommending this movie as a traditional good movie by by any means although there are elements of it that

surprisingly work but I'm recommending Dan you better you better not be about to tell me that you watched Hill Billie Elegion your own and we can't do it for the podcast. No no no no no no no I close though. I'm recommending it 2002's The Country Bears because oh boy. I watched this movie and like you know like it is the movie bad movie that has made me laugh the most since seeing cats. Like I almost laughed as much at some of this as I did and the funny thing about this movie is like okay it is a weird idea objectively to be like, we're gonna make a movie that is about the Disney Land attraction,

the country bears, which is just a bunch of bears singing country songs, a bunch of animatronic bears, not real bears. Let's clarify before Elliot jumps in. Animatronic bears singing characters. No, no, before you disappoint a generation of listeners who are gonna, you can't wait to get to Disneyland again so that they can see real bears singing country songs. And this is during the period. You're gonna bring the artificial reindeer songs. Yeah. They'll be like, all these bears are gonna love this.

reindeer pizza sausage, yeah, yeah. This is during the period when Disney had a real fever for making movies of its attractions, which only struck gold with Pirates of the Caribbean. And I guess they're making Jungle Cruise, so it's not like this period is over. They made it, Dan. Or Miss Begotten, ones.

And the funny thing to me about this movie is, this movie is about a group of bear musicians who are famous bear musicians who broke up and a young bear wants to get them back together it's basically the plot of the the new muppets and and no one in the movie particularly makes any sort of deal about these bears being bears. Like, the fact that they're bears is basically immaterial to the story.

And yet they are bears. This will be positive the world in which like 90% of people are not bears, but 10% are bears. And everyone just, you know, does bear stuff or not, but they don't do bear stuff. They just like, they're at a buffet. They're like singing songs and the things the songs are actually like there's a lot of talent behind this movie

This the songwriter is like a famous songwriter. I can't remember like he John Hyatt wrote the song a lot of the songs Brian Setser wrote some of them Bella Fleck was involved Elton Sean Bonnie Raight and Don Henry are some of the singing voices and in this movie you've got Christopher Walken. Hayley Joel Osmond is the tiny bear. MC Gainey is the human member of the bear band.

You got Toby Huss in it. Brad Garrett Stephen Root or some of the bears. There's a lot of talent put behind this movie, but the fatal flaws is the movie about the country bears. The amount of this talent can overcome the fact. So it's one of those cat situations where you're like, wow, they are really trying to make this work and putting all their energy into a totally misspegut

and idea and somehow that makes it all the more exciting to watch. So I had a lot of bears fun this world do anything besides sing like do they have like a bear agent or there's a bear janitor just cleaning up after them in one scene is the there's the kid bear who wants to get the country bears back together who is who has no job because it is a kid bear who has been adopted by Stephen Tuplowski's family and the other son and the one like joke referring to the fact that there are bears in this universe. The other son is like like a mine boggle that this child doesn't realize that he is adopted because he is a bear. Which is not a bad joke and then the rest of the movie doesn't really make hay about it at all.

It's a strange movie. I can't quite get across, like how it bent my mind. I like the idea that the people making the movie were like, no one's going to be interested in how a bunch of bears started and became a band. We got to pick up after the bands broken up. Nobody's interested in the origin of a country bear band. Isn't there isn't there like a montage of Christopher Walkin gleefully destroying scale models of country bears, like music halls or something?

He is, I mean like you, he is committing Christopher Walkin. He is not he's not floating this part in. He is very angry about these country bears for reasons that clearly in the movie that don't spoil it and don't spoil it like good nemis he's do with their heroes and uh... but uh... it is it is a wacky movie now and you said emcee gain he was the human member of the band why do they have a human member in the band i don't know he's a drummer

he is it is it possible drummer. Is it possible? Is it possible he was supposed to be a bear and they just ran out of bear costumes? Or that he walked onto set and they were like, oh yeah, that's a bear and you're like, uh, okay. Well, the other thing, the other thing this movie has and, you know, in common with cats is obviously that the main characters are these anthropomorphic animals

and it is not as disquieting as the CGI like cat fur put over normal people but it is sort of it is a weird look because these are people in bear suits it seems with animatronic bare heads and they fall square in the middle of the uncanny valley. So it's an unusual experience. Well, it's on Disney Plus. You can watch it after the middle. Hey. Hey. Hey.

So talking just now reminded me that cats is on HBO Max. So I think I, this may be the night when I forced my wife to watch it. No, man. My wife report back. My wife and I talk about watching cats the same way that some couples talk about like having a threesome where she, I don't think she, where she's like not that into it, but she, she'll do it for me, you know, so she's like, yeah, I guess I'd watch cats with you So I'm going to recommend a movie the year 1990, the city Detroit, Michigan, the movie Marshall law. That's right. It's a Marshall arts movie set in Michigan.

Uh, we have, uh, it's about a pair of police officers one played by, uh, the son of, uh, what's his name? Give me a second. I fucked that up. It's okay. No, don't erase it. Don't erase what I just said. I'm fixing it. Okay, I'm almost there. Yeah. Yeah. So it's played by the lead is played by Chad McQueen, who is the son of screen legend Steve McQueen and his partner. So Steve McQueen is the name you couldn't remember. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I mean, that's fair. That's fair.

And his partner is played by the always wonderful Cynthia Rothrock. She's amazing. And it's a movie filled with karate mullets. It opens with a hostage scene where our hero dresses up like a pizza delivery guy and then beats the shit out of a bunch of criminals and the action is shot well in that every time somebody gets hit, there's always some kind of a reaction shot. So like when our hero, martial law blasts somebody

in the jewels, the guy, it cuts to a shot of the guy, I'd be like, oh my nuts, it's great. And of course the villain in a world of hockey mullets, the villain is the only unmoleted karate fellow. That's right, David Caradine is in this movie, and he, in every scene, he's got a really cool stick, and he practices the technique of dim mach where he punches people in the chest

and they die from it. It's great. Marshall Law is the movie, Stuart is me. Thank you. I'm glad we're both we're all bringing out the real big guns on the day we have Alonzo here. So, so, so we know it's film better than any of us. I mean, go to the other person, Marshall Law. Where's Ellie going to go? How much do you think we go? I feel like I need to rework my recommendation. I was seeing as this movie today involved a child

and trauma. I decided to go with a movie that I watched just recently that I had only learned every recently. This movie called Ladybug, Ladybug from 1963. And it's a movie about a group of school children. There's an elementary school that gets an alert that a nuclear bomb is going to be dropped in the area that the war has started. And so they go through what they're supposed to go through, which is that the teachers take all the kids home. And it's kind of about how the adults are at

a total loss to really know what to do in the situation. They don't know if it's even a really real alert or not, and how the kids are left to fend for themselves more or less. And it's not like a Lord of the Flies type thing. It's more of a the children trying to mirror and make sense of the emotions that the adults are feeling and taking on those roles. And by doing so, kind of showing how ridiculous they all are. And seeing it really brought home to me some things that I kind of didn't want to admit to myself about children during the pandemic right now,

and specifically about me and my kids, and how I need to pay more attention to kind of how they're reacting to this whole situation through my reaction to it. There's one scene in particular where this girl runs home and her dad is like a farmer and he's shoveling some stuff. I don't know what he's doing. And she's like, the bombs, the war started, the bombs are dropping

and he's like, what? And she's like, the war, they're gonna, they're dropping the bombs and he's like, I'm busy, I've got work to do. Go talk to your mother. And I was like, oh, well, that hits home. I've had that conversation by son a bunch of times in the past year where he's worried about something and I'm like, I've got work to do.

Like we'll deal with it later. So it really struck home for me, not in the way, that the filmmakers intended because the movie is almost 60 years old. But it's called Ladybug, Ladybug, and I think it just got released, a release on DVD, but I found the whole thing on YouTube. So that's where I watched it.

But it was really good and it's got some very early performances on film from William Daniels and Nancy Marchand and Estelle Parsons, so there's a bunch of really good actors in it. But it's mostly about the kids, so that's what I'd recommend. Alonzo, what have you got? Is it going to be my bleak end or their fun end of the spectrum? Oh, well, you know, I'll tell you, this is because when you write a book about Chris's movies, you get asked to do a lot of podcasts in December and I love that. But I figure anybody who wants to hear me recommend Happy A Season has heard me do it about

10 times. So I'm going to go firmly in the LVN camp and bump everybody out with an amazing Romanian documentary about healthcare called, it's called Collective and it is basically about how there was this, it begins with like a fire in a nightclub where all these people got, there's a lot of exits and it sort of exposed this like government corruption so this other government gets to come in for a year and take over and they're trying to work out

the healthcare set because like a bunch of people who should have survived that incident didn't, and it just, the onion unravels, and it's just more and more levels of corruption and of chicanery and awful stuff, and just when they get really close to nailing the people responsible, then people responsible figure out how to use the media

to change the subject entirely. So it feels very much about America in 2020. This is a film that's made in a very kind of Frederick Weisman documentary style in terms of like there's so interviews, you don't get a lot of on screen things identifying who the people are necessarily. But at the same time, it is edited like a thriller. It is, it's intense and breathless and very, you will be very upset by the end of this movie, but in a way that ideally you'll maybe want to change everything. So yeah, collective, I really, I love this movie. It infuriated me, but it also was very exciting.

And did that, that came out earlier this year, right? It opened earlier this month. Oh, sure. It is in theaters in a few places where theaters are open, but it's also streaming. It is Romania's pick for the Oscars, so it might be an international film nominee, but I don't know how docs do in that category.

I've seen it on a couple of like best of the year lists, so great stuff. I got to see that I wasn't aware of it. Well, Alonso, I've seen on a couple of like best of the year was so great stuff. I got to see that I wasn't aware of it well a lot so I want to say thank you sincerely for appearing on our show and For inflicting here it comes Give you the business. No, no, I mean I'll look at this six weeks part. This is this is the good kind of pain. I

Didn't I didn't like it while watching it But it was a lot of fun to talk about with you guys. So it's the kind of movie that reminds you how good good movies are Yeah, cuz you're like oh yeah, this is a bad movie. Well, unlike and we're getting text messages from Dan while he was watching And he was like oh if only it was good as country bears the movie Where are the jamborees in this film? Why for other country bar? The good reviews have those forsaken me. So few jamborees.

But let's say goodbye for another episode. No wait, before we do it, now I'm imagining Dan, you're imagining Dan, you're a film critic and you have your criteria, you rate every movie on him. One of them is Jamborees, question mark. Yeah, you don't know. Yeah, Dan, you don't know. Again, Dan doesn't want a movie of his bit is Dan the like, the like exhausted Dilatant movie fan.

Why is everyone wearing pants? Why can't it be like the country best? Of best is all they need. I went, I went into Pat. No stars. I went into Pattington to... I went into Pattington to Hoping for the best. The lead is a bear. Check.

He does not wear pants. Check. Does he have a jamboree? Alas, still no jamborees in Pattington world. Okay. have a jamboree? Alas, still no jamborees in pattington twirled. I'm giving this movie one out of six banjo strings. As I pine for a jamboree, I think it's time to sign off. Thank you to Maxime Fun for having us on the network.

Go to MaximeFun.org for a lot of other great shows, some of them about movies, some of them have Alonso in them. Yeah, Alonso, do you have anything you want to plug? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, golly. Yeah, if people want to follow me on Twitter, it's a Duraldy ADURALDE. Come for the Christmas news, stay for the socialism. uh... yeah i do a crazy amount of the podcast and uh... if you would listen to them that would make my day

uh... thank you to jordan cahilline for editing and producing the show uh... please rate review and subscribe as they say uh... but for the flopp house i have been dan the koi i'm steward wellington subscribe as they say, but for the fluff house I have been, Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Ellie Kaelin and our special guest has been Alonso Duraldo. Yeah.

See you later, guys. Bye. I don't know what that voice was. No, I love it. It's a very hard to about Alonso right now. This is how I feel about him for being his watch that. Yeah, it was very hard to jerk to. That's what I mean by it being a tearjerker.

I was crying because I was like, I can't masturbate to this. Uh-huh. Well, I feel like you're not creative enough, my man. Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture Artist-owned, audience supported.