The Flop House - Ep. #352 - Black Easter

Episode Date: September 25, 2021

Smalltember concludes with a doozy: Black Easter (previously titled Assassin 33 AD, in a slightly different edit) -- the movie that dares ask "What if someone killed Jesus? ...But not like, the people who ORIGINALLY killed Jesus. What if they were TIME TRAVELING MUSLIMS?"Content warning for all sorts of islamophobic and religious stuff, but honestly, this movie is WAY too silly for much of it to land. Mostly it makes for some great Flop Housing.The streaming LIVE SHOW is TONIGHT!!! — Tune in to watch us discuss the “classic” 1993 flop Super Mario Bros., do a few presentations, take a few questions, and other assorted nonsense! Tickets $10!Wikipedia entry for Black Easter... does not exist!Movies recommended in this episode:Dr. CyclopsThe VoyeursMargaret

On this episode we discuss, Black Easter. When the title Assassin33AD wasn't cool enough. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flap House, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, it's me Stuart Wellington. Hey guys, it's Mele, Caitlin. Let's stop laughing for a minute. We got professional business before we get to the movie today. Okay, yeah, sure. Today, if you're listening to this episode on the day of release, which is September 25th, then you might know or may not know

and you should know that tonight, we will be appearing live remotely via your computer, talking about the Super Mario Brothers movie at 9 PM Eastern time, 6 PM Pacific time. That's right, we're doing a live remote show today. Tonight, it's a surprise show, but it's not a surprise. We've been promoting it for like a month and a half now. But if you weren't aware of it tonight, if you're watching this watching, if you're watching this episode, then stop watching

me. If you're listening to this episode, though, then on the day of release, September 25th and it is tonight, September 25th, just go to a flop house dot go to the flop house dot simple ticks dot com for tickets. It's $10. We're going to be talking about Super Mario Brothers. We're going to have new presentations. We're going to be taking questions from the audience. I'll tell you more about it later in the show. But if this is the first time you're hearing about it and you're like, I don't have plans

tonight, I want to hear the flopphouse talk about stuff, then go to theflopphouse.simpletics.com and get tickets for tonight. If you can't watch it tonight, getting a ticket gets you access to one week's worth of the archival video. You have a week to watch it. Not that you have to watch the video slowed down for the last a week to watch. That would be not a great way to watch it.

A little bit at eight tonight. As a cherry. Yeah, but that's tonight. If you're listening to this, on September 25th. But let's get to the movie. We'll talk more about that show later. Let's get to the movie, right Dan? Because what are we doing this podcast?

Can we talk about this dumb movie? Yeah, what are we doing in this podcast, Dan? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. This is a small timber right now, small timber. The month of the year where we watch smaller movies, rather than the usual Hollywood Shlok. And this is a Shlokbuster. This is a what's a is a uh... what's

a movie for what's a word for a little movie it's shock dependent uh... yeah okay no i'm hearing a lot of i'm hearing a lot of no's that i'm not here a lot of not even a lot of suggestions okay i mean i don't find the problem not a solution no really no not Not having a lot of suggestions. I mean, I did find the problem, but not a solution. No, really, no.

Well, damn it. Slush-lot dependent films. That's what it is. I never tried disappointment before to shut it up. It really works. It really, really works. No, this movie, it's a small movie. It's a small guy. That also has been released previously under a different name and a different cut. It used to be.

Yeah. This is a movie that came out in 2020 and then came out in a longer version in 2021. Yep. And this is a real theme out there originally known as Assassin 33 AD. And apparently that cut was goofier. I'm a little sad that we didn't watch that one. I picked this one just because it was the one that was available on a streaming service. I wonder how it, I wonder how it was goofier. That's my question.

I'm guessing the order of things. I think that's, there are a few sillier ideas according to letterbox that got like, that left in, I think it was a little more overtly Christian, even though it's pretty overtly Christian. I don't know how, the movie literally is all about how Jesus is the Lord. It's kind of hard for me to get more overtly Christian

than that. I've only been able to glean that tiny bit, though, from standing. I mean, speaking as a Jewish person, who's only experienced a movie for this has been the comb brothers serious man this was an extremely christian movie if i'm judging them on that continue and i've a serious man having almost no

christian content and black easter being almost entirely christian content it's very christian i have to have those only two movies have ever seen this this through although i mean for all you know uh... having only seen those two movies uh... serious man could be very christian as well you're saying that i don't have less christian i guess if there was a movie that was and that there are movies in yetish so yeah i guess yeah it could be

so should we are gonna i'm gonna be summarizing the movie you guys are going to be so fucking excited can we just get to the movie let's get to this movie so as dad mentioned we, we watched Black Easter, the recut of Assassin 33 AD. Now right off the top, I think we've determined a really interesting linking between the other film we watched for small member, of course, Andy, a talking hedgehog Andy the talking hedgehog Stewart, not Mary A talking hedgehog, although there was another talking hedgehog I'm glad you noticed I'm glad that you noticed me throw salt all over his game right there. So what I want to point out is both movies have really good voice overs really good voice over my relations.

I didn't realize that was part of small Vemper movies, but it most of this movie sounds like it's being narrated by a talking animal. Yeah. And by the way, he is because his name's Ram, which is an animal. And also, human, which is a kind of animal. I mean, both both feel like they are being narrated by someone who is recording over a phone line.

So yeah, that's part of it. We're in a small room. So guys, but first, Black Easter, it doesn't just start. This is a movie that is unafraid to tell you at the outset how amazing it is. Because the credits open with a string of award commendations, just one after the other. There's probably 30 of them. And they're from places like Film Festival's, I was not aware of.

Like I know it's, I saw it on the word at the Warsaw International Film Festival. Not one I was aware of. I couldn't find where I read this, but someone on the internet has looked into these awards and found them to be non-existence, not in place. They've called up and checked about these awards. And so he's hoping to be with the string of lies as far as I've been able to see through cyber-sloots. And so many. And so the only award that's listed on the IMD page for Assassin 33D is a nomination for the Indiana Film Journalist Association's

original vision award did not win apparently but yeah it takes such Hutzpah which I can't believe I'm saying for such a non-Jewish movie it takes such Hutzpah to start a movie with a string of as Dan sang non-existent award accommodations and then when you get Why can't you like to like the credits from Superman. Yeah, it's a garage. It's like it's like you are

an attacker who is chasing the director and he is hurling awards at you in a desperate attempt to get you to slow down so he can escape. Okay. No, I know we're blowing we're blowing right through this

plot here, guys, but I just want to point out early when I watch it. I mean, we are roughly 20 seconds into the film, yeah. When I watched this movie last night, I do have to warn you that I was incredibly drunk. So I may have missed some of the intricate plot. Yeah, well, this movie later turns into the primer of Christian time travel movies.

So I think you probably did miss some of the plot. Hopefully LA will be the blade that put through this Gordian knot. Here's the comment, I'll take us through it. What a buckle up because it's gonna be a somewhat bumpy ride in your drunk. But I think here's the thing I'll say about it. If you want to put a blurb on the poster, producer Black Easter, better sound recording than primer, raves LA with Caelin.

Why? Because I love primer, but you cannot record two guys standing next to a fountain with a shotgun mic. I'm sorry, it's just you're not going to be able to hear him. But Primer's a great time travel movies. It's very hard to hear at times. But again, the movie famously was made for what, like $7,000 or something. And the guy who made it turns out is kind of a creep, so whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I can like the movie with it. I didn't like his other movies very much, or other movies. Good save. Okay, let's give to movie very much. Or other movie. Good save. Okay, let's get to this movie. All right, guys. Okay, so the credits then begin, but, uh oh, I hope you didn't think you were gonna watch all the credits

because the opening credits get interrupted by a voiceover telling us that the narrator had to piece the story together from three different time continuums. So it's gonna be complicated. And then over a long montage of stock footage, he asks us what we would do if we could travel through time, would we change our life, or would we be okay with God's will having brought us this far. It's so about, so this movie,

so the movie has not even, has barely started. And it's already its throne award after award at you. It has refused to finish the opening credits, and it has gone into a stock footage montage That is stating the theme I guess but it's and that the main character's voiceover is so smug right off the top of the bat Like the character this is before the character has described to himself as a genius But which haven't later, but I was like I thought it was it took it was so strange to see you've said We've seen all seen movies where a character has been in a precarious situation Seriously, you've seen too Take us back to the scene. I've seen it while we haven't see I mean I forgot I'd seen three movies maverick with Mel Gibson

Was one of them and in that one he's in a dangerous situation and it comes back to that one yeah How do you wish is that when we compare to the other two how what how I It's right smack dab in the middle because it's not overtly christ, it's not overtly Jewish, but it's not overtly, actually know what, they sing amazing grace in it. So you know what,

it is on the more Christian end of the spectrum. But he does have to deal with, with I think riverboat gambling, which of course is in the Bible. So when I think that's Noah's Archaeop, it briefly opens a riverboat, because you know, so for the animals. briefly opens a riverboat, you know. So, for the animals. Anyway.

I have something to do, you know. But the movie doesn't even interrupt a scene for this. It interrupts the opening credits for this. Okay, so. And you got to push one of the octopuses is doing the roulette table, because we've got those long tentacles. Well, that's the,

Noah didn't really have a lot of sea creatures on the arc because they could kind of handle themselves in the deluge. it was going with a land animals. He was trying to Yeah, that's what's a come up cuz it's fun Yeah, that he wants to be part of their world like in the movie the little octopus yeah So anyway, we cut to the first scene as there's a lot of identifiers on the screens for the times, which we need because it's so complicated. It says 33 A.D. and a commando team attacks Jesus and his followers. The leader of the commandos, who will later learn his name, Brant, he tells the man who

is Jesus, but we don't quite know yet, who's been shot. If he goes, if you're really God, you can stop that bullet. And then he shoots Jesus in the head for taking my family So just throws you in the deep and right off the bat. How do I feel about it? Well, I want to take this moment to say Before we get even further into this episode content we're warning for a deicide Content warning for Patricide and mattresside. Let's see.

The killing of a mattress, yeah. A lot of Islamophobia and just sort of, oh, they're pretty careful. They're careful in the way that a person who knows that they're going to be accused of a lot of Islamophobia because the premise is Islamophobia. Yeah, that's the I'm not touching you. But the gray system. Yeah, but for Ask goofy a movie, this is, there's a lot of particularly upsetting stuff in it, but it's not so silly. It is so silly that you're very hard to.

It is a very silly movie about just terrorism and time travel and multiple deaths. There's a lot of gunshot deaths in this movie. Yeah, okay, so that was 33 A.D. Now it text about 2000 years later and this is where I was like, wait a minute. So you've accurately pinpointed the year of Jesus' his crucifixion,

but you cannot accurately pinpoint the year that this guy, the main character is in grad school. That records your spotty. It's about 2000 years after that. It doesn't make sense We meet our narrating hero his name is the he with the very realistic name of ram goldstein now here's here my theory about his name My theory about his name is they are trying to make this character Jewish without ever saying he's Jewish And a football player and a football but also like that are there maybe he's he's the ram that

but also like that are there maybe he's he's the ram that uh... that Abraham sacrificed after god told him not to sacrifice his son Isaac that's my only guess because otherwise he's a he's a tall he's a tall thin uh... what's the name of the guy from the office in vip uh... uh... uh... but he's a he's a real Zach Woods looking tall thin guy doesn't really seem like much of a ram and i don't it's hard for me to think of what ram is short for. So it's either Nickname or his parents name's ram.

For some reason, ram is your ram time. His name is ram, yeah, his name's ram time. Ram time. I imagine Ram, Ram time goldstein, yeah. So ram goldstein, why shortened? Yeah, totally, yeah, makes sense. So ram goldstein, he is a cocky genius. He tells us in the voiceover that he's kind of a genius. And as he is busy asing the hardest

test in this class that nobody's ever asked before, he meets his classmate, Amy, who in Vio is also described as a genius. He then describes how they fall in love and we see a montage of them falling in love. But then we jump back to their first meeting as if the montage of them falling in love never happened to see her back to their first meeting as if the montage of them falling in love never happened to see her ask him out and he's kind of surprised by it. And it's like, dude, you just told us this. Why are you telling us in two different ways that you now love it?

It seems to be really into how Kaki and much of a jerky. Now, you gotta give the movie credit for this. They're not doing a lot to make you like the main character. He is, present himself as a cocky genius and continues to be that way. I mean, they are setting him up as explicitly a non-Christian scientist who does not believe in God, as we'll see later.

And he's going to get his comeuppance because the movie's called Black Easter. It's not called Nietzsche was right, the movie. This is not his, God is dead. The rebuttal to God's not dead, starring Kevin Sorbo. Like this is, you know, the movie. This is not his, God is dead, the rebuttal to God's not dead, starring Kevin Sorbo. Like this is, you know, the movie is wearing, you almost never have a movie where

with Jesus in the first scene that doesn't end with Jesus being shown to be God later on. I mean, if there's a hard time for me to think of any. Okay, three months later, forget that. There, now it's three months later, they are, they're, they were watching Brandt, the commando from earlier. As the video tells us he's a war hero

who's now a family man, he's driving with his inexplicably British wife and their two blonde daughters. And it's like a car commercial, it's like shot with like a drone and all that, it's great. And it's why it's been a voicler. Heidi Montag from the Hills. Oh, right. Later on, I showed a picture of the actor playing Jesus

to Audrey, his IMDB photo. And she recognized him as he'd been on a singing competition. I can't remember which one. So the guy clearly looked up like the Mastima star. I was like, yeah, got some bonafide here. Yeah. So, yeah, these are real stars. So his wife tells him that she's short. They have a very awkward moment,

which in another movie would be her telling him, this isn't working, I want a divorce. But instead, she tells him, I really think God's planning for you to do something miraculous. And he's like, thanks, honey. And then immediately, he plows into a truck and kills her and their daughters.

So, which is one of these things where he's like, God, how could you do this? It's like, dude, you were not paying attention to the road. Like, that was not, you were not going to say. Yeah, he immediately shifts to like, the raging at God specifically as the, like, the cause of his world. Well, it's part of the five stages of grief. First there is denial. Go on. Then raging at God, and that's it. Yep. There's just two stages. grief. First there is denial. Go on. Then raging at God. And that's it. There's

just two stages. Wow. So the other stage is ignoring stages three through five. Yeah. Yeah. Well, actually, the third I don't know the spoilers. The third stage is going back in time to kill God. The stage is getting caught in some time travel shenanigans. And the fifth stage is eventually things are okay. Yeah. So I don't think you watched the end of the movie. So the so yeah, think you watched the end of the movie. I'm so the, so yeah, he gets chucked out of the vehicle, cars flipped upside down, and we know things are bad because the doll, his daughters,

we're playing with in the back seat, has been chucked out into this road with him. I feel like that is an immediately assign that, if you see a doll with no child, it's curtains for the child. Unless that doll is chucky, in which case keep kids away from that doll. Yeah. I mean, yeah, if you see Chuck, it's already curtains for the child.

Kids shouldn't play with dead things or chuckies. The obviously the doll, the doll as signifier for dead child is a clear nod to Fritz Lang's M in which the ball the child is playing with rolls to a stop. This signifying that Peter Loray's killed him. Black Easter is full of these little cinematic Easter eggs if you will. So now we cut to it, you won't. I think then never mind.

We cut to lab 19, this is not a time indicator. It's not, we have not entered a new timeline where people, where lab is a month and 19 is a day. Lab 19 is a place for the man. For the lab is over free but that saved the world from those aliens when we renamed the calendar after him. Yeah, in space bud. That was the name of the movie. It was the sequel to Air Bud. So Lab 19, Ram and Amy are now working with two other geniuses, laid back Kaki Simon and nervous

stuffed penguin obsessed Felix. Felix obsessed with his stuffed penguin and this never really pays off in anything, particularly. They're trying to invent a teleportation machine and Ram is mocking Amy for praying before their next test. He's like, ugh, God. Can you really believe in that stuff? It seems like this is a good time for her to dump him. It's three months in. They're co-workers now. He refuses to believe. He's just mocking her religious beliefs. Especially like a public at this point, right? Yeah, in front of their co-workers. Ram is all science. Amy's all about God. They're a classic odd couple. Dan, what would you call the sitcom? That's about the two of them where Ram is really all science and Amy's all God,

but they love each other. One of them likes God. Yes. And we're talking about the odd couple. Okay. I would probably call it... Sciencey and the Jesus. Okay, so Jesus is one of the couple. Yeah, the one likes Jesus. I mean, I think the obvious choice is Big Bang.

She also likes Big Lebowski. Yeah, yeah. And she's played by John Turturo playing the Jesus. Actually, Stuart, the Big Bang theory is a much better name for that show than for the show that it's actually the name for. Yeah. Wait, it's already being used for a show, boy. It's understandable that you haven't heard of it.

It's only the most successful television show in the history of television. More successful than two and a half men. Two and a half men is actually a guy. It's all two and a half men. He is a, anyway. So let's go back to the movie, shall we? So Amy's all about God.

They try to transport a chair and the machine explodes. Oh boy, back to the drawing board shall we? So, Amy's all about God. They try to transport a chair and the machine explodes. Oh boy, back to the drawing board. Or so they think. So they're doing science to make chairs move from one place to another place. Yes, they're looking for a way to solve the problem that humanity faces of it being too difficult to move chairs.

Yeah, I get it. Let me tell you, we've got folding chairs in the garage when family comes over for a holiday. I've got to move them from the garage to the dining room. It's a hassle. There's got to be a better way. Amy, Ram, do you have a suggestion? That's why we've got the chair a riser.

That's right, the chair a riser is the best way to move chairs without actually using your physical body. So I'm scared of the chair. What about you? I'm gonna pitch it to the chair a little bit. To the chair a riser. So you are moving the chair a little bit. Now the chair riser though is, is,

authorize an endorsed by Paul Reiser, that's why we call the chair riser. Oh, that makes sense. Hi, you may remember me from the movie Aliens. Well, something you're gonna be alien from is moving your chairs. When you get the chair riser, the only product with my name on it,

that's right, me, Paul chair riser. I've changed my nickname to chair I'd like to pitch an alternate product called cherry 2000 okay And now spit tell me more about this project and the movie time does the same thing It's just a cheaper version, but you know the 2000 makes it sound futuristic I mean 2000 the year is now way in the past, but you know, it's sure. Are we in the pitching pitching things piece of this episode? We certainly like to pitch a, I like to pitch an animal or book where Paul Reiser turns

into a set of Reiser's. Wait, so that's not an animal though. That's a thing. Animals have gone long past animals, Elliott. Grow up, okay? Yeah, I say, you're okay? I'd say, right. You're right. I'm still a kid looking at Animorphs and expecting animals.

I didn't realize it was any object, yeah. Anything. So the cover of the book would be Paul Reiser morphing into a set of risers. And what would happen when he turned it right? He just provides seating for people just like the chair riser. Paul Reiser's all that's seating. That's why your idea gave me an even better idea. Yeah, it was just a neurotic.

You would do a little neurotic comedy about it. Like, hey, look at me, everyone's sitting on me, you know? Oh, I don't get no respect. I stole that tagline from Rodney and Andrew Field. And yeah, I mean, it does make sense now why the show is called Matt about you sitting on me. Yeah. You suppose Matt is like, I can't believe you're sitting on me still, Helen

Hunt. Every episode was Matt on the sitting on him in different situations. They were curious about it. Yeah, but he loves it too. I'm being sworn in as President of the United States. Why are you sitting on me? It's such a show of disrespect. I'm getting gallbladder surgery.

Why are you sitting on me? No, but he still likes it. Yeah. I'm going back in time to assassinate Jesus and you're sitting on me. Okay, so they, so Ram and Amy and Simon and Felix, they think that they are going to get reamed by their boss. But no, their boss, Ahmed, he's not going to yell at them. He's going to show them video of the test

that shows they actually did transport a chair for one split second. They did it. They invented teleportation. And the chair riser is reality as long as you want the chairs to not go anywhere and then explode. They get promoted to a much better lab in the same building and you're like, wait a minute.

Why did you have them working at this crappier lab on a different floor? When you're in that lab. I think it was like they had several teams working at once. Yeah, there's a lot of redundancy in Ahmed's organization. Yeah. I'm Charlene pointed out that all these labs, their security measure is someone on the door frame

has drawn the outline of a hand, between the hand print scanner. Yeah, it's more a suggestion of security than anything else. Brandt also works for Ahmed. He works security and he does not get along with Ahmed's assistance to beer. And, uh, Brent tells Ahmed, as you would normally tell your boss about how you're angry at God for taking your family from you.

And Ahmed has a flashback to his own parents having their throats cut back in whatever caricature middle eastern country he's supposed to be from. It is not named, and all you know is that brigands are running around, slashing people's throats in marketplaces. With curved daggers that he now mounts on his desk. Yeah, now is that brigands are running around slashing people's throats in marketplaces. With curved daggers that he now mounts on his desk. Yeah, now is that you think? And so it shows him at some point. I don't remember if it's here, like he takes the dagger

and slashes the face of the person who did it. Is that the same dagger? And he's always kept it with him. It's gotta be. It's gotta be. Yeah, that's his signature dagger. Now he's a super villain. He needs his signature dagger.

Or is he like one of those prop replicas that people buy where they're like, I can't really get a Star Trek face here, but I bought a replica of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not letting carry a real bat left into the movie theater. Yeah. No. Well, what movie are they trying to bring a bat left into?

A Star Wars movie. Oh, well, because they're asking for trouble, I see. OK. So weeks later, while making out with Amy behind the computer server, the only place they think they're free from the security cameras, Ram notices that Ahmed is using the computer system to communicate outside of the country. And when he plugs in his computer device into it,

he sees the video of it. Ahmed is talking to Rashad Amir, the most wanted terrorist in the world who also killed Ahmed's parents And for somehow he's working with them And Ram and Amy make the decision to Decides for a port later and then go back to working on building the teleporter that the terrorist is going to use Yeah, it's a strange choice Yeah, I mean this movie is weird because to some degree, like, it will, it will work for certain stretches. Like, on the sense that like, it knows what a movie is. Like,

this movie is less incompetently made than a lot of small timber movies. Like, it has the, it has the beats of a blockbuster movie in its head. I mean, second time's a charm, you know. It's just really dumb and silly while doing it. Like, super dumb and silly. And this is one of the big moments where I'm like, they seem, they're like, I will handle that after work. In the meantime, we'll go back to trying to do the thing

that we now know we shouldn't do. Anyway, the teleporter that the terrorist mastermind wants to use isn't going to invent itself. Let's make it happen. It's almost like they're like, well, there's no evil way to send a chair somewhere. So I think it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably. There's the characters do a lot of things that the plot needs them to do, but where it doesn't, yeah, it doesn't make sense for the characters to do it. Okay, speak it, we'll see a number of those later on.

While working on it, Ram has a breakthrough, the teleporter has to account for time. He makes up some science mumbo jumbo about two things existing in the same place, same time. He's got, and the way that he makes it account for time is he tells the computer, send it to the future. And it works, he secretly tests it with a little pencil eraser, and it works.

It's a time machine now. And this is one of multiple times movie where Ram tries to outsmart the bad guys and completely fails almost instantly. But he sets up this secret test, and he's like, I did it, and they have no idea. And the guards immediately rush in, and they're like, we saw what you did.

We're taking you to the boss. So Ahmed demands Ram, tell him the secret of making the time machine work. They argue a little bit about the time travel ethics of doing things in the past and also the power of God. Turns out Ram both encrypted and deleted his time travel files. Seems like redundancy to do both.

But he did them both. So they have to have Ram try to beat the info out of him. And Ahmed tells Ram's gang, hey, he did it and the project classified now so now ram is working closely with the army and you're gonna have to give me your phones and you can't leave and the other and ram's co-workers are like seems a little little

that's that seems weird well no but okay it is that you are the boss they're still doing it for love of the game you know yeah okay so uh... base so omad at this point on he He is not wasting time. He he brings in Rams parents and he says tell me the secret or I'll kill them and Ram doesn't so So Ahmed kills them. They're both shot in the head This is a I found the scene to be

Legitimately upsetting because first like Ram has to watch his father get shot in the head well his mom watches her husband die and then his mom and And I'm like, well, did this movie start off with kind of a goofy voiceover? Where yes? He's like, oh my life is great. I'm a genius Get ready because this story is gonna be a little wacky anyway. I'm a super genius. There's my girl She's a hottie. She's also a genius anyway my mom had to watch my dad get shot in the back of the head And then I have to watch very get shot in the back of the head crazy, right time for us to have a time travel adventure You know, and then like that emotional

Like whiplash was tempered by the facts that the thing that makes him finally give things up is You they're like oh, we'll torture your girlfriend and I'm like Okay, I mean I know that like people have breaking points, but it does feel kind of like cold Then he's like yeah shoot mom and dad that's okay, but don't work with my girlfriend Yeah, I mean you're childhood Yeah, and it's established earlier that he lives with his mom and dad still. So there's probably a lot of tension there.

He's like, oh, if I could just get a day away from them. And, you know, let's look at that. And somebody's sleeping in the master suite tonight. Yeah, and I'm, it looks like I'm gonna, I'm gonna just step over to the master bathroom from the master bed instead of having to get out of my basement bed, pee in a bucket, then take the bucket and pour it into the sink next to the washing machine because that's how I go to the bathroom in my part of the house.

That was on the original assassin 33 AD cut, right? You have to assume. You have to assume. Yeah, I'm not this is all this is all canon. Also, look at Ram, I think, is like a girl like to me. That's not going to happen again. Don't hurt Amy. Yeah.

So because he's not going to have her parents. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can always get parents. I'll go to the parent store. So he's like, it's going to take me time to rebuild this time machine. And Ahmed goes, you have three days. And then you can, and Ahmed says, and then you can go back in time and save your parents. Meanwhile, Brandt, who's feeling conflicted, I think he left the room after the parents

were threatened. He wasn't there when they were killed, but he's sitting in a hallway and he tells God that it's God's fault for putting him in this position and he literally says to God, that's on you. And it's like, dude, I don't think so. Like it's ridiculous for you to just be like, hey man, I'm a stone cold killer now and it's because you put me in this decision

that I have no free will. I am advocating free will. This is all on you. You know, in a way, it's all on God, which, hmm, wait a minute, it's all on God. Yeah, it's a real state of killers logic right there. Guys, we gotta go fill out the paper where it's to get a wire put up on God.

So we can get the evidence we need to prove it. It was all on him. We're gonna rest him and throw him in jail. Do you think God uses a cell phone? Because that would make it a lot easier. It's a flip phone though. Oh, it's behind the times. God, you gotta get with it.

He can't even text. Oh God, you devil. It's ironic because he is literally the word made flesh, but he can't text. Okay, so Ram then explains in Ram space. Oh, I'm a man. Then explains in, yeah. He explains it. Yeah yeah moon night is a different

character Dan soon to be on Disney plus so the ROM space night is not going to be on Disney plus because Marvel does it all the right. Moon night is similar to a space night because the moon is in space. That's a good point. That's a good point. I'm not in space, that. I gotta confuse all the time. Yeah, Moon Knight is always like, he's always getting, he's always getting Rums coffee at the, at Starbucks, they hand it to me, go, no, no, I'm Moon Knight, not Space Knight.

And they're like, whatever, you know, he's always getting Space Knight's mail. Anyway, and don't even get them, start out on British Knights, the shoe, which they also get the mail for. So, so Ram explains in voice over his favorite method of communication that he secretly reprogrammed the machine while he was pretending to fall asleep at his keyboard, which he thought where the guards into making them fall asleep.

It is the goofiest thing where he's, he's like, I had to be so boring the guards would fall asleep, which is not how, it's not how sleeping works. It was like, I may have told the story before, but I gave, I did a fucking interview once which is not how sleeping works. What do you want to have in your mind, man? I may have told the story before, but I did a fucking interview once at a job, and I was interviewing this guy. And while I was interviewing him, he kept touching the table where I had a stack of papers

that had other resumes, and he slowly teased out another person's resume over the course of the interview, and slowly twisted it so he could read it. It was the craziest thing and I'm like, I can't believe this is still happening. Uh, that guy had a chance to tell us that he was a great, I don't know.

And you got the job and then. And you got the job and then it's fella. Yeah. And so the, and also he, and the seat of him pretending, if typing while he's pretending to sleep is also hilarious. And he like reaches, he's falling asleep. He's having a death, reaches out with his hand

and starts just kind of lightly tapping on the keyboard. And it is amazing. It's when you can't stop posting, you know? Yeah, you just get, and Ahmed, he forces Ram to test the machine on a guard. And it works. Ahmed's like, you didn't fool us. We knew you weren't really sleeping.

So once again, Ram's Sutterfue just totally failed. The machine works. He was able to transport this guard using time. And he's like, now I can go back and save my parents. And Ahmed's like, no, I lied. You're not going to do that. You're going to go back and kill Jesus with this. And brands like that.

It's on God. Everything's on God now. So I guess God's killing God and Vio. And that's when in Vio, Ram's butt sentence says, hey, you shouldn't hate Muslims because even though I'm had a Muslim, he's an extremist. Most Muslims would not want to go back in time and kill Jesus. And that is the one of only two bandings that we get over

the... The more you know shoots across the screen. Yeah, over this movie where all the villains are Muslims, except for Brant, the only villain to get forgiveness and become a hero at the end, spoiler. Well, and then there's the other Muslim who's like, but Jesus was a great prophet. And then like the evil guys like, oh, this will make him even greater,

because he wouldn't want to be mistaken for the Son of God. And he's like, he's like, we'll kill him after he preaches. So he's still a prophet. Okay, get this, listen, but before he's like, he's like, we'll kill him after he preaches. So he's still a prophet. Okay, get this, listen. But before he gets crucified, so his followers can't inspire a church in his name. So, okay, that's the loophole I've set up where Jesus continues to be a prophet,

but he's now anything sees the Son of God. As if, like, that goes into the other central issue of the movie, where it's just like, okay, I'm not gonna make, I will take no position on Jesus's divinity, yay or nay, but. Do it, Dan. Do it, okay, this is a miracle. You're allowed to say that, though.

I'm gonna say no. But the resurrection is. I'll just say it right now, I'm a big no on that one. You know, I'll just go on the record. I'm just saying, like, the fact that he is martyred is obviously the central sort of point to the record. I'm just saying, like the fact that he is martyred is obviously the central sort of point to the story. And we're him to be killed in a different way.

I don't think it's necessarily going to change. Like I would imagine that. You're saying, looking, that shouldn't be considered a prophet, the murder would also create a martyrdom. And probably, now you're saying that a man who's super power is returning from the dead killing him might not be the best way to stop his trip. Perhaps much much as if you were up against aquaman you would not try to drown him. That would be an inefficient way to try to stop aquaman.

But man, if you did drown aquaman, what a stunt. Yeah, well you have to do crazy. I imagine that's the kind of thing I imagine we're like some, it's gonna happen to some, there's gonna be some like some guy who thinks that's the only way you can go the only way you can complete all the challenges in the game is by drowning out. Well, there's gonna be, there's gonna be some writer who has a villain like drown him in acid, so it eats his lungs away or something like that, you know.

No, no, no, you can drown him in water. Real water, so how are you gonna do it? How are you gonna trick him into not figuring out a thing he can do? I'll figure it out. Okay, you're like, by the way, Aquaman, this isn't water, it's broth. So it's soup broth. So don't try to be the... I'm going to kill the sodium over time.

Yeah, exactly. Don't get all that sodium in your blood pressure. You know how bad that is. Yeah, oh, my aunt Lanty and Dr. is always on me about my blood pressure. And then he just doesn't breathe and he dies. That's how you get him. Okay, so, but you're right. It is a, so the movie is making the big ask of,

asking its audience, which assumably believes in the divinity of Christ, asking them to believe that Jesus is in danger of being assassinated. So, we cut to, again, the thing that happened to him, that's the thing he's there for. You know, like it's the same, the thing that happened to him, that's the thing he's there for. You know, like it's the thing that he, the reason he was created is to do this thing. So, if you believe in the story, 33 AD,

it's the Garden of Gethsemane. Brandt's team manages to get the drop on Jesus while he's praying. And my favorite part of this is they go, they're looking through night vision, they go, verify target. And through night goggles, night vision goggles, they see Judas Kiss Jesus,

and they're like target verified, which is hilarious. That's great. The way that they're gonna do it, the same way that the Romans do it in the story, but also that like nobody kisses, except Judas kissing Jesus. That's the only kiss that existed since 3380. They shoot Jesus followers, and Jesus speaks to Brant in English,

which Brant doesn't seem to realize until after he's already shot Jesus to death. Okay, he's not too quick on the update. Yeah, no. There's a number of characters who are like, wait, are you speaking English to me? Which is, I think the first thing you would notice. Yeah, and when Brand has him dead to rights, he's like, I'm going to kill you to prove you're not a god. He's like, unless I allow it. And he's like, no, no, no, you can't do that. He's like, don't do it, don't get in my head like that.

It's the opposite of a planet of the apes where Charlton Heston's like, I was on Earth the whole time and it was like, well, everyone's speaking English, dude. Like, did you just think the apes happen to evolve the same language you did? Come on, guy. Alex, make sure to throw in a little spoiler alert sound before it drops that fucking truth from. For the plan of the apes movie that celebrates its 53rd anniversary.

The movie that the movie whose DVD box covered gives away the ending of the movie. I'm the I'm the asshole. Sure. I'm the on the P.O.D. asshole. Sure. But getting back. If I it landed on plan of the assholes look for me on the mayor mayor of the place. That's right mayor of a planet doesn't make sense

But neither does mayor of east town Dan can oh, so they returned to 2029 with Jesus But I just was a brand like when branch shoots Jesus in the head It really I mean I can't remember exactly what he says, but it is like one stop short of like this is for my wife and daughter You know, I think you can say that. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something.

Yeah, like, you say something. Like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something.

Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Yeah, like, you say something. Exactly. Well, and I think it's hilarious that he has such a literal

minded revenge scheme against God. You take my kids. It would be better if you yelled at the slides. Who's got kids now, God, not you and I for two eyes, because I had two kids. God, give another kids I can kill it to even the scales, because right now you're still up on me by one kid. So.

You know, considering the modern and element of it, I just thought like, do you think it would be more effective if a branch just went back and through like a cream pie at Jesus to make him look ridiculous? It would make him look sillier. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But we did, we do live in a timeline where the single most ridiculous man in the world became president for four years and continues to be a finger of Nostalgia for many so it is partially deified by people. Yeah, he is he is the God or Emperor of Warhammer at this point, right? You know, yeah, I mean when Ben Garrison has the pen Now I saw... This is a tangent. I was watching Fury Road last night.

My wife had never seen it. We finally watched it together. Sure. And I was loving it the whole time. And then the end, I forgot Steve Manuchin is one of the executive producers on it. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I was like...

And my wife Daniel was like, very ironic, though, since the movie is essentially about a Trump figure before Trump, who gets his face ripped off, much like Trump did in that final card chase, when, sure, at least, they're on RIP's Trump figure before Trump, who gets his face ripped off, much like Trump did in that final card chase, when Shirley's throwing lips, Trump's face off at the after the election was over. You remember that? Anyway, so anyway, it's back to 2029.

Ram tells his co-workers that changing the past doesn't instantly change the future. The future has to be rewritten like a hard drive, which takes time. We don't know where he's- Like a center fund which takes time. We don't know where he's- Like a center of thunder. Yeah, we don't know where he's getting this idea except maybe from the movie center of thunder. I would think that the timeline would change instantly. That time does not work

like a computer, but maybe we all live in a simulation. Elon Musk says so, and he shot a truck into space. So who knows? So, he got it all evil. So he got it all evil. Are you going to trust me or a guy shot a truck in this space? Every now and then I'm like, I don't know about that. And my son goes, did you shoot a truck at a space?

I go, no. Do you have a three person submarine that you offered? But it wasn't really that helpful to save some kids? No, I don't. So they're like, we still have time to go back and save Jesus before the timeline gets overwritten. They go back to the night of 33 AD to stop brand, but they're too late.

They see the attack and Ram is like, what's the best thing to do? We'll split into two teams. They have no plan beyond that. He just says, we'll split into two teams, and then I guess they're gonna figure it out. He gives the default code for their time retriever bracelets. I forgot to mention, the way you time travel

is you go in the transporter, but you wear bracelet that's keyed into your time, so you can return back to when you came from. Yeah. And these time retriever bracelets. It's like a little step counter bracelet. Yeah, it's like a little bit bit. It's a little Apple Watch, you know.

And except actually much bigger than any of those things. It's unwieldy to wear. He sets their time for... Oh, I'm sorry. Can you make a smaller time travel to advice? You're right. How wrong I've never done it. I can't do that.

You're right. I've never sent a truck into space. I've never pretended to be asleep and then tapped out time travel advice. You're right. You're wrong. I've never done it. I can't do that. You're right. I've never sent a truck into space. I've never pretended to be asleep and then tapped out time travel code on a keyboard. You're right. I've never done those things. So I didn't ace that test that Ram Aced that he was the only one who's ever aceed in the history of testing.

Ram has them split into two teams, him and Amy and Felix and Simon. And he says, I'm going to set your time travel blight bracelets so that I'll go to 10 minutes before my parents died because I don't want to have more time than that to try to save them. 10 minutes should be all it needs. Should we set it like to go back two days beforehand so you can call the NSA and learn them to Ahmed? No, no, no, I just need 10 minutes. That's all I need. It's a stupid amount of time to set as you default. It's so dumb. So Amy and Ram teleport back to. 10 minutes, that's all I need. It's a stupid amount of time to set as you default. It's so dumb. So Amy and Ram teleport back to 10 minutes just flies like you think with 10 minutes You're like I got plenty of time and then you're like oh wait, maybe I should go P. Oh, I need to pour myself a hot cup of coffee Oh, no, I never enough time. I know I have to change my pants. I'm always like I'll I'll drive there and I'll set it

So I get there 10 minutes early. It's fine. Oh parking. Oh, why didn't I allow for more time for parking? Yeah. So here's it. So guys, this is what I'm going to call a FHPT, a flop house pro tip. If you ever need to go back in time to save someone, give yourself more than 10 minutes. It's just not going to be enough time. Okay. So they show up back in 2029, but they actually did get more time because they realized they arrived an hour earlier because of daylight savings time. This is a plot device that doesn't matter.

It doesn't make any sense. There's no reason for it. They're trying to get the old transporter from Lab 19 to work, and they recode their bracelets. Meanwhile, Amy is like, we're an hour up beforehand. I know what I can do. And knowing that at that point in the past, which is also their future,

she was looking at the security videos trying to find RAM. She looks into security camera and sends a sign language message to herself explaining the whole scenario. And herself in the past does not seem creeped out at all to see herself on a security camera video talking to her. She takes advantage of that. Security guys burst into the room

and like blast them down with, yeah, they kill them. Yeah, and they kill by shaman a minute. She sees that and then she sees herself get gunned down. And this is the first of at least three times when Amy gets shot to death. So. Yeah. And this is also the point in the movie where I'm like, wow, this movie cares a lot more about time travel mechanics

than I was expecting out of this time travel. Shoot Jesus Christian. For a movie that's essentially about how Jesus is the Lord they do a pretty good job of not keeping the time travel mechanics straight but setting up a situation where there are multiple versions of people running around and stuff like that yeah which is harder to do than it seems I also mentioned a baxon that that ram and Amy's couple name is Ramy and do you think they're more like Sam Ramy or Ted Ramy? That's a good question Dan.

Uh, what about Ramy Malik? That's actually a good point. It doesn't sound like their name smashed together, but I mean, what about them? The guy can act when there's big teeth in his mouth. So, you know, I can't do that. I've never shot a truck in the space. I've never acted with huge teeth in my face. I've never been able to do it.

You're halfway to a song. I've never acted with huge teeth in my face. I've never been able to do it Your halfway to a song Never shot a truck in the space never acted with huge teeth in my face I'm almost there and the song is called I never and it's just a list song, you know Those are hot right now But I've always been in love with you. That's the course. I've never done this I've never done this but I've always been in love with you. That's the course. I've never done this, I've never done this, but I've always been in love with you. That's the way it, yeah, that's the way it counts. Yeah.

Anyway, so back to 30, oh, anyway. Anyway, so if any listener, what story, that's long? It's great, because you can like, swap out one of the lines to be like, I never played a song in Dallas, Texas, the greatest city in the world. Yeah, and they're like, yeah, they're like, you're in Austin, and I'm like,

um, blessed to like Dallas more to keep keep up with the best the problem is when you're when you're on the road, like, those cities just start to all blend together and you're going through a bubble whiskey every night. Yeah. Yeah. It's just a mess. I remember it when you're one hit, I just have the one song. So the concert is like, it's a huge hit. And the concert is only five minutes long, because I just have the one song and the song's runtime is four minutes 19 seconds.

Not even 420. I couldn't even stretch the song enough for the joke. And so I just go out on stage and I play that one song 50 times. And then I get off the stage. So I do that night after night and so it's slowly driving, night was slowly driving me mad.

By night three, I'm insane. So anyway, so past Amy now knows enough to save past Ram. She does, they all jump into the transporter, we're back to 33 AD. Remember Felix and Simon how they got left there? They're trying to turn the future, but Felix's bracelet, his bracelet works and immediately gets captured. Simon's bracelet doesn't, and he's stuck in 33 AD.

Meanwhile, Felix and the bad guys, they experience what it's like to have the timeline rewritten over them, and they end up in a dystopian CGI world in ruins and zombies attack Felix. This will not come into play again until literally the last 25 seconds of the movie. So don't worry about it, but Felix is dead, having been eaten by zombies in a dystopian future.

Back to 33, dude. What happened to his penguin? We never know. We never know what happened to his stuffed animal penguin. That adorable, hilarious character trait is discarded much like he is as a character. 33 AD again. The second of our team of heroes now arrives. They attack Brant's team.

They got the right form. And just using sticks that they stick into the transporter area So I guess that they materialize around a stick It's not just being incredibly painful. They manage to kill everyone the brand and severe They are just going all out killing these guys Amy gets shot, but demands Ram leave her to go save Jesus. He takes off all of his clothes except his box Yeah He takes off all of his clothes except his boxers to make it turn into it. Yeah, he's gonna just gotta stance the blood, but he does it by taking off his pants.

And then he's just got this like his undershirt, but I think it has some like shirt on until later on when he gets torn off, I can't. Well, no, he gets a put a lab coat that he found on. So he's wearing a laptop and boxers. And he's got those big white boxers here. And now this is all set up for another for a Bible Easter egg that will pay off hugely.

So, but it's like, it was funny to me. It takes off a shirt for the turniket and I was like, something for the ladies. And they started taking his pants off and I was like, too much for the ladies. Why are you taking your pants off too? He puts on the lab coat that he picks off the gun. He gets chased and,

and Peter, while they're attacking, while Brantz is still attacking Jesus, I guess, unless I'm getting this part wrong, because it was a little confusing to me. It looks like Peter the Apostle cuts off part of Brantz's ear or the sword and Brantz drops his gun and runs away. Is that what happened?

I think so. I mean, do not look at me. Okay, so the next morning, it's the next, but you're still hands on it? I know, that's my curse. It's like next, but you're so handsome. I know, that's my curse. It's like my curse is a reverse Medusa,

which is that he gets turned to stone if anyone looks at him. Yeah, because he's too handsome. What a great way to be a bank robber. They make statues of him because he's too handsome. So it's like a metaphorical turning to stone. Yeah, that way he's card in his likeness. The question, if you were a bank robber and you open the door and you go, nobody look at me.

If you look at me, I'll turn to stone. It's an affliction I have. Nobody look at me and you're just taking all the money and putting it back. Nobody look at me. I am merely feeling out of deposit slip. Now I'm leaving. Goodbye.

And they're like, all the money's gone. Who did it? We don't know. We didn't see him. And even the security camera was like, I want to be polite and swiveled away so that it would see. So anyway, the next morning Simon's been stuck there overnight and he is annoyed He does not like being stuck in biblical times overnight guys. We can all relate to that I know I know I hate I know when I was a kid and I had to wait longer for my mom to pick me up from school

I hate it so much. I don't have any you would have to me too What yeah, it happened to me too. What? It happened to me too. My mom was late picking me up all the time. So imagine that scenario except it's not just your mom being late. It's a time travel machine and you're not just at school. You're in 33 AD. So I don't really like camping. So just like the sleeping outdoors, you know,

I wouldn't care for this. Oh yeah, and there's no bathrooms. There's nobody get any food to eat, you know. Yeah, I was gonna say like when you're camping, you usually have supplies and stuff and he doesn't have any of those things. Yeah, he has naked and afraid, except he is fully clothed and he's not afraid. He's annoyed. Anyway, so his time retriever finally gets it to work, but it sends him back to the night before. He bumps into Jesus and talks to him for a while. And Jesus is just like the Bible said. Jesus is very anguish knowing that he's

probably going to die the next day. Well, this is the Garden of Gethsemane's story, right? This is when he asks God to take this chalice away from him, right? Take this cup away from me so I don't have to drink from it. And then he finally says, all right, I'll do it. Yeah. I'm trying to look up the details of the story because I mostly know it from Jesus Christ Superstar. Yeah, I can't do it quickly enough. I'm trying to look up the details of the story because I mostly know it from Jesus Christ superstar Yeah, I I can't do it quickly enough But why should I die would I be more noticed than I ever was before Would the things I've said and done mattered anymore?

Anyway, it's a great song. So he tries to warn Jesus about the crucifixion and Jesus like you know what? Knowing that you remember me that makes me want to go through with it. I get God's plan now. You've inspired me. I will be crucified. And he says, I will remember you. You will remember me. Don't let your life pass you by.

And then is this the is this the moment where he says, I'll be back. I think it is. Simon's like, I saw your movie. A lot of bad stuff happens to you. And Jesus goes, it's says, I'll be back? I think it is. Simon's like, I saw your movie. A lot of bad stuff happens to you. And Jesus goes, it's okay, I'll be back. And Simon goes, that's not even your movie. And it is such a weird joke to put in Jesus's mouth. Yeah.

Especially when like, I guess there's a lot of, there's some Christ imagery with Arnold Schwarzenegger in that movie, but it is the exact opposite of what Jesus would do is what the Terminator does, you know? Yeah. I think I like there are a couple little movies and by which it's moving around, I'm like, okay, that's fun. Like that's fun on its own merits

and I did enjoy Jesus' being like, well, then you know, I'll be back. Ram sees us in, but still night, now it's nighttime again. It's still, we're still in that night. Ram sees us in Torian, pick up the loose gun and Ram is like, ah, that'll change the future if there's a gun here, and he runs my intakes it, but his coat gets torn off, and his boxers get pulled down, and we see the top of his

butt for a moment. And that's something that seems weird, but it's in the Bible, as we'll see. He wrote, it's okay. It's okay, it's in the Bible. It's exempted. I mean, there's a lot of filthy stuff in the Bible that they could have put in here. Don't I mean, never get to see Bathsheba bathing on a roof and boy would I ever anyway, so He runs into Peter the Apostle who and he is like, hey, you were with Jesus, weren't you and Peter gives Brent his robe to wear So instead of wearing just his boxers, Brent is now wearing a kind of Bibley robe. This is ram, right? I'm sorry ram, I'm sorry. He gives ram his sorry So instead of wearing just his boxer's brand, he's now wearing a kind of Bibley robe. This is Ram, right? Ram Ram.

I'm sorry, he gives Ram his, sorry, you should don't name your character's Ram and Ram. The only thing worse is if your characters are named Ted and Tim and the daughters are named Tina and Tabitha. Too many teas. And this coming from Guy Who is two teas in his name. So, a 20, 29 meanwhile, Ahmed's scientists are like,

I'll just shut off their retriever bracelets from here. So now they can't come back. So Amy is stranded and dying in Bible times. Brandt and Sabir disguised themselves as villagers and go into a market that you have to imagine is a renfest most of the time. They kind of set, they do everyone's wearing robes so it's the Bible now.

And for no reason. So it doesn't, Sabir steal a tomato. They steal the fruit. And Brandt's like, don't do that. He says it's a tomato. And he says it's just a tomato. And it's like, it doesn't some beer steal a tomato. And the guys like, and brands like, don't do that. He says it's a tomato. And he says it's just a tomato. And it's like, they didn't have tomatoes.

Like tomatoes are a new world fruit. Like they don't, they didn't have that then. But it, and what's weird about it is there, all he had to say was, it's just a date. That's something they had then.

It's in the Bible. But instead they say tomatoes. They get arrested. They get knocked out by some centurions. I mean, brand shoots, one I think. A centurion takes their gun and one of their timer trevers, the other timer treaver is dropped and picked up by a woman in kind of blue robes, right?

Who could this be? Well, if you know your Renaissance painting, you know that's Mary. So hours later, which Mary, I'm not sure. I don't know if it's Mary Magdalene or if it's Jesus' mom, it is not cleared up. I don't know if it's if it's Mary Magdalene or if it's Jesus' mom, it is not cleared up. I don't know my Reynolds House paintings that well. So hours later, crisis. The painting of her holding a timer tree for bracelet. Yeah, there's that there's that famous painting in the O'Feezee Gallery of Mary holding a timer tree for bracelet.

I'm like, what's this? I'll pick it up, sure. What I like is that I, I don't think we've been, then her appearing in the middle of a basketball court. Yeah, and saying throw me the rock, throw me the rock. And then she's just dunking, dunking, dunking. And then Mary got busy. They call it the immaculate reception. Yeah, so, but anyway, because she catches it.

That's a football thing, but you know what I mean. Yeah, that's close enough. Yeah, they call the Immaculate Dunkception. Okay. And now she's signing endorsement deals. She's playing with LeBron on the same team and they're like, it's a miracle team. LeBron and the Virgin Mary, this is how far they're going to go. The weird thing.

They don't win the championship. They don't get that ring. Strange. Yeah. It's probably like teamwork and synergy. No, you don't want too you know like teamwork and synergy. No, you know, you have too many, you have too many, you know, big figures. Not right. Not something happened. No, I mean, there is tension between the two of them because there can only be one star on each team. He's the king and she is the mother of

the king of kings. So it's a lot of competition. But what happens is during the final game, they get picked up by the looney tunes. They got to go, they got to go play against allergy rhythm. So Lebron and the Virgin Mary are now playing against algae rhythm and the Virgin Mary is like, look at all these Warner Brothers IP characters that are watching us play all my favorite characters. Pennywise is here, baby Jane, this is amazing. And Lebron's like, get your head in the game.

My son's life is on the line. And the Virgin Mary is like, can I just go get Mr. Freeze's autograph and Lebron's like, after the game, after the game Mary. So it's difficult, it's a heart. It's hard to, when you're running a basketball team, it's hard to have two superstars on the level of Braun James' documentary. It's really wild that Mr. Freeze doesn't go by doctor Freeze,

right? Because he's a doctor. I know, Murphy has his doctorate. He might be professor Freeze. You know, I like it's like titles or elitist. Yeah. That's also possible. Well, the weird thing is when you call him, Mr. Freeze goes, oh, Mr. Freeze lives in Florida.

I'm Jeff Freeze. Yeah. Yeah. I get it Jeff Freeze. Jeff Freeze, yeah, that's hilarious. But it's even worse pun. And he's like, and that's the worst Batman pun. And Edward Nigma says, I beg to differ.

Yeah, Arley Quinn, season three, if you need writers, he got us ready. So anyway, hours later, Jesus go into the stations of the cross and Simon has a front row seat. He's like, and he's like, why are you doing this to yourself? And Jesus gets knocked down, but he gets up again, nobody can knock him down. He was the original chumble, Wamba. And Simon helps him stand and carry his cross. Ram asks some weeping ladies for a doctor to help Amy. And since they don't understand English, they just take him to see Jesus crucified. And it's almost like they're saying,

we've got problems too, buddy. Like, look, we don't have time to help you find a doctor. My son has nails through his hands. Brent, I mean, I believe this is a reference that he was known as a doctor in the sense of like, the metaphorical sense, right? Like, that's the idea I think that they misunderstand. Well, I think he was like a, I guess so,

because a doctor is just any learned man, right? Yeah. I guess he was a healer. I believe this is. Oh, you know what? This is famous for healer, like, that's what they did. But it's almost like they're like, yeah, that's probably it.

But he's crucified, so it's like they're like, yeah, that's probably it. But he's crucified. So it's like they're like, hey, office is closed. He's retired now. No more healing. Yeah. Sorry. He just missed it. Yes. Oh, the hours are over. But then who's crucified on either side of him,

Brent and Sabir, that's right. They're the thieves from the Bible that would crucify on either side of Jesus. And Ram is begging Jesus to heal Amy. And Jesus says, if you want to save Amy, you've got to forgive, Grant. And Ram is like, no, fucking way, Jesus. Pardon my language. And Ram and Brant says, they deserve this. We stole it to Meadow. We should be crucified. And Jesus forgives him, says, you'll be in paradise with me.

And this makes RAM so mad. And he starts calling Jesus a fraud. Simon meets up with him, finds Ram and Amy, and they see an eclipse. And this is my favorite line in the movie. Simon says, all this historical stuff is incredibly accurate, which is such a funny thing for him to say, both because we're saying is this movie is great.

It's so accurate. And also he's like, yeah, all this proves all the stuff in the Bible is true. We're seeing it happen in this movie. Yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. That's not good. Yeah.

But it's so funny. It's not really a historical text. I don't know. I saw Black Easter. Say what you will about the movie, but they put in the work. Now that the divinity of Christ has been proven by the film Black Easter, which showed that the historical stuff is accurate, we have no choice but to make Israel into a Christian nation. We did it, everybody. So they argue about Jesus for a little bit. Let's get back to 2029. Sebeer's gun,

his retriever arrived because the gladi, the Centaurian accidentally hit a button or something, and Ahmed is like, I'm gonna use this. Okay, he's like, okay, blue skying here, brain storming. Obviously, the mission went awry. I don't think Brent sent us the gun and retriever as a way of saying mission accomplished.

I love it here, I'm staying. I don't think that's the scenario. I'm putting myself in Brent's head. Brent was probably hurt. He's probably crucified. Maybe he's the thief that's the scenario. I'm putting myself in Brant's head. Brant was probably hurt. He's probably crucified. Maybe he's the thief that's on the other side of Jesus. Again, I'm just blue skying here. It could be anything, folks.

He says, here's my plan. I'm gonna go back personally. I'm gonna go to Jesus' tomb. I'm gonna kill his followers. So they can't spread the word about him coming back. And what I think is funny about that is that he is like, it's possible Jesus will come back. But if there's no one there to see it, it's not gonna get recorded. Because if Jesus possible Jesus will come back, but if there's nowhere there to see it,

it's not gonna get recorded. Because if Jesus is resurrected in a forest, and there's nowhere there to see it, did it even really happen? Amen is like, the Bible goes by the first commandment, picks or it didn't happen. So if there's nowhere there to report it, Jesus will just be like, well, I guess that's the end,

no one will build my church around. Sure, and at this point also, he's buying into the possibility of the resurrection himself. Like it seems like the first thing you should have done with that time machine is go back, see if Jesus actually did get resurrected and be like, okay, you know, yay or nay on that religion. Like I feel either just a fight or not just a fight

and trying to tear down Christianity. It would literally be the most important news story in the history of humanity. If they were like, we got it, proof of the resurrection, that's the true thing. We should all be doing it. Like, that's what we should do now. Yeah.

But it reminds me of, there's a story. If a listener can help me find this story, there's a science fiction story that was an issue of Asimov science fiction 25 years ago, when I was a teenager, where these people have developed a technology where they can see back in time, but the farther you go, the less accurate it gets because you might be seeing a parallel timeline. So they look back and they find the death of some Roman soldiers in a battle, and there's

two of them, and when they dig out the bodies, there's three of them. You know, they saw a similar but alternate timeline, and the scientists used it to go back and look at the resurrection, and they see it. He was resurrected, that's proof, and then he goes back and looks again, and then this timeline that he sees the second time, Jesus is not resurrected, he remains dead. And the scientist can't function in a universe

where salvation is possible or not possible, and you won't know for sure. Anyway, it was a story that really made an impression on me. So if anyone could find it, let me know. Again, look for an asthma science fiction sometime between the years, 1993 and 2000. So anyway, I'm not gonna love it. So one thing I like about these time bracelets,

because this is when Ahmed goes back in time to Jesus' tomb, right? Well, also, and you're a jewelry guy to begin with? I see that diamond firby around your neck. You just love male jewelry. So you love these bracelets, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm all about that. And what I love is that in addition

to being a great style choice, they're very good at finding the right location, right? Yes, they don't take you to the exact same location. They take you to the place the plot is happening. There's like a plot locator chip that takes you where you need to go. Yeah. Like he manages to pinpoint inside Jesus's tomb. That's wild. That's it's pretty amazing.

While he's so he goes to the tomb, he decides to take a DNA sample from Jesus' body, which is a motivation we have never heard from him before. And he's just leap, he's dropping glow sticks everywhere to illuminate this cave. The old saying, take only pictures and leave only footprints. He's never heard it because he's taken DNA samples and leave in glow sticks everywhere. And meanwhile, Rand. Actually, a fairytale.

It's the morning. I think finding the right lighting solution for a space is pretty important. Yeah, I guess that's true. You've got to have just. Which is neon green. You need that neon green to imprint his face onto the shroud that has been wrapped around him so that it can go to turn. So here's also the thing is, Ram is that morning is perplexed by the mystery of forgiveness. And Amy is like, take me to see the resurrection. This means Amy has been lingering for like three days, right?

Yeah. Because wasn't like three days, right? Yeah. Because wasn't it three days later that he came back? That's the whole deal. So they've just been hanging out for three days, not trying to get back to their own time, I assume. Has Ahmed been hanging out in that tomb for three days? We don't see any empty like peppered farm cookie wrappers.

So he wasn't snacking while I was there. Yeah. There's no like goldfish, little 100 calorie fun packs, you know? But. Yeah. So it's resurrection morning. no like goldfish, little 100 calorie fun packs, you know, but. Yeah. Uh, so it's resurrection morning, the label that the identifier on the screens is resurrection morning. You guys are going back in time to make sure Jesus doesn't resurrect. What, uh, what's next you bring in?

You bring in trail mix, you bring jerky. What are we talking? Well, you know, I mean, you got to have a, some with a lot of energy, you know, a lot of energy, but it's not going to make you want to poop because if you have to go poop and you miss the resurrection, you're gonna be so mad. Yeah, so you're taking cheese? Yeah, probably a block of cheddar cheese

like you would get in the store. And you're just, you know, even cutting pieces off, you're just taking bites out of it, yeah. Wow, okay. And you wanna eat it fast? That's definitely, that's it, you are not planning on sharing it.

Yeah, every month, so. And you wanna eat it fast because it's going to really dry out in that Mediterranean, Middle Eastern heat. Although cheese is better, the flavors come out at room temperature. But if it's not too long, it's not too long. Wash it down with a nice hot cup of tomato juice that is probably better than that. Well, that's it. You don't want to bring a tomato juice and also like a burner stove

with a propane tank so you can really heat it up. See, and you've possible, you might want to just take that cheddar cheese chunk and just put it in the tomato soup while it's, while it's, while it's tomato juice while it's heating so it melts together so you get kind of like a melted cheddar tomato juice to. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And then you can just drink it on down. Don't make it too hot because then you go, ow, when it exactly. And then you can just drink it on down. Don't make it too hot. Because then you go, ow, when it burns your tongue and that'll wake up Jesus too early. And you're not gonna be ready. Yeah. Because Jesus has got to catch those these.

You know when he was in that to me, he hit this news button a couple times. He was like resurrection, give me three more days. Wow, why, just as little, this is his routine. Yeah, and now. So, for a resurrection chunk of his. Yeah, when I do, when I do, when I do my stand-up act at churches, I do like, oh, Jesus was like, oh, give me just one more day dead.

I'm not, I don't want to go to school, dad. Anyway. Oh, feels like I slept on rock. My back. Oh, boy. How long was I dead for? Someone resurrect my spine. Okay. I guess for someone resurrect my spine? I guess you know Turns out my sleep number is hard I can't care is my sciatica. I need these backaches like I need two holes in my hands

I need these backaches like I need two holes in my hands. So that's that's so anyway that's that's that's divine daddy not for me I can say that stuff so resurrecting morning the earth shakes and Ahmed teleports out of the two men trans as the two men trans explodes outward killing two centaurians and I wasn't quite sure if the, I mean according to the movie, Jesus is resurrected. Does the resurrection cause the cave to explode or is that the teleportation? Because Ram is like, that looks like a teller. Yeah, I haven't been to church before, Dan. Just do explode because of Jesus.

Oh, I, Dan, do you want to call your parents so I know have a history, or have studied divinity? Dan, Jesus, thanks. When Jesus backed up, is Jesus like the Marvel villain, Nitro who can explode his body and then reform it? Is that what happened? There's all that.

Or is that like Cannonball, always blasting? Because it seems very petty for Jesus whose whole thing is forgiveness to kill the soldiers that are guarding him by blasting them with rock chunks. I think, yeah. I think that, I think it is left deliberately sort of unclear at this point, because Ram explains it away by being like,

hey, that looks like what happens when the time jump happens. Which, can you guys describe what the time stuff looks like? They could just jump away. The time stuff. Swirly CGI thing. Yeah, imagine, so the teleporting machine from the prestige where there's like light and bolts coming out and like, Christie everywhere.

Imagine it like that, but like a billion times cheaper looking and there's a lot of swirliness. Like a lot of swirliness and like lightning. And that's how you teleport. Anyway, Amy is overjoyed because Jesus has risen. She's at because not one, she's seen the resurrection of her God. And two, she finally proved her boyfriend wrong.

And that's what, and as Mastercard says, that's priceless. Teleportation bracelets to go back to see Jesus, probably a billion dollars. Wait, and get in front row seats to the resurrection, two shackles proving your your boyfriend ran around priceless. For all else, there's something, you get paid for all else, there's Mastercard.

That's what Billy Cretup says anyway. So that happens in a little bit. So, Ram and Simon go in to see it and they decide to clean up all of Ahmed's leftover glow lights that are just together. They say the line to something like, well, someone from the future was here, look at all these glow sticks.

Yeah, someone was holding, someone from the future was holding a rave in Jesus' tomb, I guess, which would be an amazing place to hold a rave. Oh, man. Like, you think like most raves are in like East Berlin, like warehouses and stuff like that. Imagine you can hold it in Jesus' tomb. It's not big, but that's great, because you're all on E and Molly anyway.

You want to be packed in tight, so you can feel those bodies. Not come at the same. It feels like a throw-off line in a Warren Allerster grant morons in comic. Oh, you're right. Yeah, I held the only rave in Jesus' tomb. Yeah, exactly.

Now I don't like it anymore. You're right. You gave me a reason not to like it. So, Jesus, while they're doing that, Jesus visits't like it anymore. You're right, you gave me a reason not to like it. So, while they're doing that, Jesus visits Amy as she dies. And to be honest, I totally can put myself in her shoes. If I was dying and my Lord came and visited me and was like, you're gonna be okay.

That would be the greatest moment in my life, even better than like, I don't know, when my children were born maybe. Is that same too much? It would be huge. What about that time you saw the panel what Tommy was though. You always said that was the biggest That was you know what that's number one and my lord coming to to redeem me when I'm dying his number two You're right after when I saw Tommy was oh speak at Comic-Con

Dream yeah, I can sell yeah Because that because he was literally hurling t-shirts backhanded over his back into the crowd while saying, I'm not trying to steal the spotlight. It was a most amazing moment. And then he called for the whole room to sing the national anthem with him. It was amazing. So anyway, Mary walks in with a friend and Simon is like, we can't change history. Ceram goes, he has risen with hands full of glow sticks.

And the Virgin Mary, I assume it's the Virgin Mary, Mary Magline, I don't know. This Mary, she gives Ram the missing time retriever. And Ram has my second favorite line in the movie after all this historical stuff is incredibly accurate. Ram says, it's time for my own resurrection, which is ridiculous. That is the most blasphemous thing you could possibly say.

Like, you know what? They didn't put on David Caruso's sunglasses. It went out and it went to, yeah, CSI get semini. We got four bodies here. They were all beaten over the head of the hammer and he goes, looks like someone was feeling a little cross. Slips on sunglasses. Ow! Duh, duh, duh, duh.

Other who song, not the one for the main CSI show? Uh-huh. They both use the time... Simon and... It's magic bus for some reason. You know, behind blue eyes. So, their choice? So, Simon and Ram, they're like, there's only one retriever.

We could try a double retriever, but it's never been done before. It's like, well, no shit, dude, time as travel has existed for like a couple of days at this point, like just go for it. They returned to 2029. Simon is immediately shot by the cards. He has barely five seconds before he's shot.

Ram tells Simon as he's dying to believe in Jesus, then he jumps through the transporter. Simon, with his last breaths, shoots up the transporter so Ahmed can't follow them and Ahmed kills Simon, which is not much of a silver lining. Ram reappears 10 minutes before his parents are killed, then some bad guys appear behind him and they disappear

and then another bad guy appears and then disappears. And it's like, it's because they ran through the teleporter without wearing a bracelet. It was explained earlier in the movie. I did not understand, but I thought the bracelet was just to bring you back. No, apparently if you go through without like the right thing, you'll just explode. So it opens up like, like a portal, but and if you try and go through the portal, we'll have the machine, I see. I think there was a voiceover. Okay, maybe that was explained earlier, because I totally had didn't not feel that,

and I was like, is time being overwritten for everyone except for Ram, because he's just so cool. I don't like it. And Ram has this look on his face like, here we go again, or like that, so long enough. He is there, he's seen his girlfriend die

a couple times at this point. He is there to try to, he has 10 minutes to stop his parents from being killed, but he does take a few moments to roll his eyes at these stupid guards. So Ram saves his parents. He is still wearing that Bible robe that's how you can tell the difference between him

and past Ram. He goes after Ahmed in his office, but he finds Brant there instead. And Ram wants to shoot Brant because he's seen Brt cause all this trouble. But he can also Brandt punched him a bunch of times, but he can't bring himself to do it because he can't get Jesus' words out of his head.

Oh, if only Jesus hadn't talked to him. And Brandt gets out of his knees and he says, please kill me, reunite me with my family. And Ram is like, I'm doing this, but I'm doing this for me. And he falls to his knees and tearfully forgives Grant. And he just, he's totally a Christian now. He's all about forgiveness. As opposed to these non-Christians, we're all about killing people. As so, as we've done, name one Christian, he's ever killed someone can't do it impossible. Never been done. So

Rams parents. And then for some reason Rams parents run into their office. I guess you always want to protect your child. Yeah, that makes sense. And Rams dad has to, and I think. Yeah, he's got a gun. I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down Rams dad. Yeah. And then, and he's like,

I haven't waited for something like this to happen. Yeah. He's like, I think you're into this world. I can take you out, Ram. So they all end up in there. So beer, Ahmed, Amy, they all end up at the room. Ahmed shoots Ram and they shoots Ram's dad in the leg. And then Ram hears a woman's voice saying, be a hero. And Ram prays for God's help,

but he gets Brant's help instead. Brant shoots the bad guys, except for Ahmed, because Ahmed shoots Brant in the spine. And he's like, I can't feel my legs. And Ahmed and Ram talking circles for a while until Ram just picks that knife up off. Ahmed's desk and stabs him. And Ahmed goes, why don't you forgive me?

And he does it. He just kills him. And it's like the movie. And so again, the movie, it made it, really went out of its way to tell us not to hate Muslims earlier. But I can't help but notice that all of the Muslims get murdered by the end of the movie and Don't get forgiven and the two police run in and or their sheriff's or something

Brand goes these guys are all terrorists and they are like that's all we needed to hear and they just Are Right off the bat like that's all Ram and they might as well just show a probable cause, probable cause as they shoot these guys. Yeah, it's a turn these body games off. Hold on. Let's just turn these off

and we'll just get going through the building, killing everybody. And Brant and Ram is like, the voice I heard, it was a British accent and Brant was like, that was my wife talking through you to me. I don't know why she didn't talk to me. That's why I made a big point about the fact that my wife had a British accent and Brent was like, that was my wife talking through you to me. I don't know why she didn't talk too much. That's why I made a big point about the fact

that my wife had a British accent or who you hear. That's why earlier I made a big spiel out of it. Don't know why she didn't go directly. She got to cut out the middle man to talk to me or close her. I would have known it was her, but okay. Rand then says, Amy, use your Bible app to look up the Bible and make sure nothing was changed.

That was great. And that's also a fantastic. And so she looks up, it and make sure nothing was changed. That was great. And that's also fantastic. That was really great. And so she looks up, it's called like I devout something. What was the name of something? Yeah, something about it. Yeah, something about it. We were like, is this whole thing an ad for this ad?

This ad, which is just the text of the Bible. I assume. And I'm assuming they do that thing where you like counts how many times you do. So many micro transactions, yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah. And you can Venmo people by all. They call it tithing. Yeah. Yeah, it's just, yeah. And you can Venmo people. They call it tithing.

Yeah. The, so anyway, she looks up in the Bible and she's like, yeah, there's the story of the disciple of Jesus, whose robe got swollen, who ran away naked, that was you. And here's this, the guy who got his ear cut off, that was brand, like they all have their Bible cameos now, which is a pretty great story to be able to tell at parties,

to be like, hey, pick up that Bible and turn to that verse. You're looking at them. That's a pretty amazing thing. I guess the history really is accurate. That stuff is incredibly accurate. Simon said so. And when Simon says, you got to do it. That's so cruel.

So now Ram has a cameo in the Bible. Everyone's dream. And 2029 Ram arrives in the room and is like, hey guys, what's going on? It took Mustang and Forever to get loose as Bible Rob Ram disappears overwritten by the timeline. Okay, guys, we're in the home stretch of the movie. Yeah, thank God. They're in a race, Ram's basement as a team,

still building this transporter, and Amy is convinced that this was all to save Brant's soul. So it's like, okay, all those people had to die so that Brant could come back into the fold. That's the kind of stuff God would do. He's... Well, I also open up this thing is like, is that how Jesus dying saved us?

Like, is it like all part, do we each get an individual time travel? Yes, much like God, much like God invented asthma and then had the earth invaded by aliens so that Mel Gibson would get his faith back. God resurrected Jesus and then had all these people killed and allowed Ram to invent time travel just to give Grant his faith back. God is, if anything, he believes in what you would call disproportionate response, that if one guy loses his faith, God's like, I could show up in front of him.

I think I will imperil the earth instead, and hope everything turns out. Well, that's the other thing that confused me, because I'm like, okay, this movie sort of, there's a part earlier on where Ram explains like okay well here's this continuum and here's this continuum and we're stuck in this continuum which is a loop so it doesn't affect the other like he like does a thing so it's like okay things are splitting things are branching that seems to

me kind of at odds with the idea of like time being overwritten well no the fact that there are these different timelines where people who actually exist like die, you know, and, you know, like, I don't know, all that stuff seems to fight with the idea of like a singular God who's in control of everything and wants to save us. Fair point, fair point. You could say that God is running an infinite number of simulations,

much like in the novel and the Devil Drag You Under. He's running an infinite number of simulations to see how each turns out. So each timeline, so God is overlooking all of it, but instead of meddling directly, he instead just sets up a universe and is like, there's an infinite number of monkeys. One of them is going to write Shakespeare, like infinite number of universes. One of them, Branch, Shakespeare, like infinite number of universes. One of them, Branch is gonna get his faith back. And that's all I'm looking for. So if it takes billions and billions of amies to die,

if it means one of those, Branch gets his faith, then good enough for me, I'm God. You can't question my methods. Did you invent, where were you when I created Behemoth? Where were you when I went to the chain in the block or whatever, you can question. I can turn into a piece of squirm. Where were you when I said the chain in the block or whatever, you came to question. I can turn it to a form. Where were you when I said a truck into space?

Yeah, did you send a truck into space? Cause I'm God, I didn't, but I could have, you know. No. So anyway. Okay, that'll make sense. So we're in the future. So everybody's happy. No, they're not.

This was all a save branch soul, but in saving a soul, Brent has lost the use of his legs and can't get a job. He seems to be a quadriplegic, but I think in the video they call him a paraplegic, but anyway, I could be wrong. And he's over Zoom doing a job interview, and they're like, you can't do the things

we need you to do for this job, so you can't get it now. So he's got an ADA case on his hand, certainly a discrimination case, but still. But he's just unhappy, and he asked God, he's like, God, why you do all this to me? So they have a elaborate plan. Ram goes back in time and by appearing for a split second as a construction worker with a stop sign, he manages to stop branch car just in time to save his family. All right.

And there was a little comedy bit where Amy's like, did you forget something? Oh, I love you. Did you forget something else? He kisses her. No, that's not it. And it turns out he forgot his stop sign. And it's one of the things which is like,

movie, just be over. Why you do it? Bits. Like why are you prolonging this? Just do it. Ends, just be over. Especially when you see what they squeeze into the last 20 seconds.

So then in VO, so there's, and they find two letters taped to the back of the stop sign. Brandt is family. They're like, someone disappeared, but we found a construction helmet in a stop sign. It must have been a miracle. God must have done this. And they find two letters. One is to brand, and I don't remember, and it's like, and in VO, they're like, we left a letter for Brandt, tipping a, telling him to tip off the NSA and the government and the

FBI about Ahmed. And we also left a jump drive that was addressed to me. It had the secrets to time travel and I used it to become a wealthy man and I'm super rich. But I also used it to peek into the future. Then we cut to them still working at Ahmed's lab. They all get shot and Ram transports Amy to a hospital in 2059 for future medicine. And he goes, but they ended up in a dystopian future where Ahmed had cloned Jesus and brought him back and Jesus could raise the dead,

but he was evil. And now he's the Antichrist, the end. And you were like, why did you waste time on the comedy bit where he forgot to stop sign? And then, hurriedly throw in purely through VO, we see none of this. That there's a clone of Jesus that is evil in this race in our people. He's a lot of Jesus. He has a bunch of superpowers that Ram lists, and he's like, but you know, he's,

all of the ways, he's the opposite of Jesus. I guess that's why they call him the Antichrist. And it's also, but it's also. And then the movie puts on a parison glasses. And goes, ow, boom. But also, here's my question. I've lost track of, here's my question. We should branch and, or not which branch.

Which, which ram and Amy are doing this. Because that's my question. We now live in a, we have to assume this timeline, unless branch just didn't read that letter. And then ram and Amy got hit on the head and forgot everything that happened to them. This is, it should be a world where brand has already called the cops on Ahmed

for being a terrorist. But somehow, Amy and Ram, they already have a time machine, right? Because they've used it to save brand. Yeah. They're working for Ahmed again, and they still get shot, and they're still working on the cross-border.

I don't, it's like. It's a flashback to the sequence where Amy signed her other self What was happening? And then they all got gunned down and then it turns out that they survived getting shot a bunch Barely and ram is like I have to send us to the future where they have invented a cure for getting shot a bunch I misunderstood. I thought this was happening in sequence. So this is that right so we are jumping back Simpsons, but jumping back to that earlier thing. So he so when Ram says I looked into the future What he means is I saw this other Amy and Ram in the future who didn't get overwritten, I guess and

They're now living it and this set set it up for the sequel. We're now there in a dystopian zombie Jesus apocalypse, but this all I told you Literally in these and he is rushing the voice over as if they are running out of time in the recording booth and they don't want to pay for overtime. And the manager of the recording booth is standing outside. He can see him through the window, tapping his watch. He's like, oh, and that's why they call me a decryce.

Theat. Yeah, yeah, it's like when you go over time at a karaoke place. Right. Yeah, I'd like, look, I would go mad if I try to really map out the list. Let's do it. And make it make sense. We can always look back and time and fix you. It does feel to me that like this future still somehow should have been avoided by the other actions of the thing, but I guess it's not avoided, but like being a different

time continuum. Yes, from the ram that has then become our hero ram by the end of the movie. The Ahmed that took D&A, Jesus' DNA. I guess he didn't go back to his home time. He went to 2059 instead, which allows a different Ahmed who didn't go back in time to get stabbed to death by Ram. But a crime, which is again, I guess considered okay because he is a terrorist on the basis of no evidence whatsoever that they can present.

But that like, it's like the movie has gone to such great lengths to set up how time travel works. And at the very end, they're like, forget it. You know what? it doesn't matter. But wouldn't it be cool if, what if, guys, I thought of this idea, like what if the anti-Christ was like Christ, but anti? Okay, so explain what you mean by that.

Like a real Christ. Like he's made out of anti-matter, I don't understand. We took a DNA Christ, you know, when we made our own Christ, but because it's like a false Christ, it's all fucked up. Oh wow, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to,

I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to,

I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I just tried to, I it out more so I understand it a little more. Imagine, imagine Christ, but like, bad. Anytime Christ. So, like, what would, but how would that manifest? Like, what is he doing? What makes him a... I don't know, he blow up things. I mean, because the Christ in the movie, we saw blew up a cave.

Go. Yeah, he'd explode things and like, people, he wouldn't want people to be free. And he'd exhort his followers to go to other countries and murder them and force them to live under his laws. Yeah, and steal all their stuff. Guys, is it possible that we've been dealing with the Eid DeGryce this whole time? Park it in you, I'm talking about last time. Yeah, yeah, basically.

So Dan, so this was the point when I knew Dan was watching the movie because he would text me stuff every now and then he just texted me the fuck. And that was his response to the ending. Yeah, it's quite something. Two thumbs up. So can you think of another movie that introduces a whole other storyline at the very end in voiceover? I mean, you already said the Marvel movies.

The Marvel movies do it in the, but it also they do. They do those end credits things, but you're like, I know this will be paid off at some point in another movie, but this is never, unless they were really hoping to do the sequel, Black, you're screwed to Black Palm Sunday, you know?

It's gotta, I mean, it's clearly a shameless like play for a sequel, right? I have to assume so, yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, it won all those fucking awards. I saw them. I mean, I wonder if it's- The movie is very historically accurate, too. Now I'm curious, I saw them. I mean, I wonder if it was-

The movie is very historically accurate. Now I'm curious, I'm not gonna watch the other cut of it, because I only have so much, God has only given me so much time on this earth. But I wonder if the other cut does not end with that. And if they were like, yeah, this is hitting it off. This is doing well. Let's throw in an ending that can get us a sequel.

Because if they do make a sequel, we are gonna have to watch it for another small member. Yeah. Although knowing the way movies work now, I'm sure this director will get handed like a Star Wars movie to make now. Yeah. That's why it's work is you make us you make an independent film that people that wins awards and then suddenly get handed a movie that costs a billion dollars. I love this was. Let's do a final judge. Well, on on Ron tomatoes, it has a one stolen tomato.

So is this a good bad movie, a bad bad bad movie or a movie we kind of like I'll say very quickly. The as we have said the premise of the movie you know is various lot of the. And the movie itself. And the movie itself like if you have bad experiences with religion in the past, I could imagine this movie being very difficult to get through. If you don't have those hang-ups, it is a very silly, silly, bad movie that moves quickly and does all sorts of nutty things that I never expected to see in a movie. So I would give it a good bed under with precautions. Yeah, I mean, I think that's fair. I mean, I think

if for whatever reason the topic, the topics this movie touches on aren't triggers for you. Then yeah, it's very silly, very stupid. And it's a time travel movie about going back in time to kill Jesus. I mean, it's ridiculous. I would. So I guess good bad. Yeah, I would also call this a good bad movie. I think if you are the kind of person

who goes out of your way to watch bad movies and make fun of them with your friends that I'm guessing that you probably are not gonna be too bothered by the religious aspects of it. That's a good point. But I don't want to judge but it's I don't want to guess who people are I will say that so the the writer director's name is Jim Carroll I want to mention that fans of the basketball diaryaries should know that this is not that Jim Carol. You just stop that no This is not the Jim This is not the not the not the kind of punk icon Jim Carol

That is that's the joke I made to Audrey while we're watching it to which I think she responded what? So I so that's my one my one thing if you see his name in the in the credits Don't be like that's what he's up to these days. No, he died in 2009 So otherwise I would say, good bad movie. This is a movie I was reed was gonna be super serious. And it was just the right mix of taking it self-seriously while also being total goofball. So yeah, I called a good bad movie.

I thought this was, this was as far as small members ago. I feel like we had two solid good bads. Two bangers. Yeah, in this and Andy, we're talking a talk. Both with great voiceovers. Both movies that relied so heavily on voiceover to try to tell you things that the movie could not figure out how to tell you otherwise, you know.

No. No. No. No. Congratulations. You've won a ticket to attend an exclusive opportunity in a relaxing environment with two lovers. Wow! Well this sounds like a sort of proposition of sorts but really it's an ad for our podcast. Wonderful! It's a show

we do here on Maximum Fun where we talk about things that we like and things that we're into. I'm Rachel McAroy and you just heard Gryffa McAroy and we are excited for you to join us as we talk about movies and music and books. Things like sneezing or the idea of rain. Can you get news or information you can use? Absolutely. You cannot.

Because we're here to talk to you about pump or nickel bread. You can find new episodes on Wednesdays. So catch the wave! From the internationally acclaimed creators of Who Shot You, comes the movie podcast Maximum Film, starring producer and film festival programmer Dreaklark as a woman bound by passion. I saw this eight months ago on the festival circuit,

and I loved it. Film critic Alonzo Duralé as a man corrupted by greed. Why watch one homework, Chris's movie when I can watch seven? And comedian Iffy Wadiway as a man protecting a love that society simply won't accept. I think Pacific Rim is a perfect movie. And if you can't accept that, then I want you out of my life! From the makers of the movie podcast, Hushacha comes Maximum Film. That's right, we changed the name of our show to maximum film.

But don't worry, we're still a movie review show that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. So tune into maximum film at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. The flop house is sponsored in part by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you can create a beautiful website by blogging or publishing content, sell products or services of all kinds, just turning your cool idea into a site that others

can enjoy on the internet. Squarespace allows you to do this by giving you beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers. With everything optimized for mobile right out of the box, a new way to buy domains that choose from over 200 extensions and free and secure hosting. So why not head to squarespace.com slash flop for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hey, Dan, I actually had an idea for an inspired by first purchase of a website or domain.

Hey, Dan, I actually had an idea for an inspired by this movie for a website. And I was wondering if they might be able to help me. Yeah, yeah, shoot. So when Brant tells God, this is on you from that point on. I feel like that's hard. It's a hard thing to get away with to just say, this is God's fault. I'm not taking any blame for it.

So what if I told you I had a social networking platform that would connect you with random people around the globe that you could blame for your problems or that you could use to blame for mistakes that you make. It's called blame book. And over at blame book, we have a simple goal to change the world for the better by making it easier to blame people that you've never met and never will meet for problems that you've had. It gets really consequences for you,

and of course there's no consequence for them, because it's not like someone's gonna go all the way to the other side of the world just to ask them why they, you know, wreck their shoes, which is probably something that you would do that you would wanna blame someone for. So, blame book would be a massive social network where you could blame other people for things

that you've done, they could blame you, it's a reciprocal blaming thing, no one ever has to deal with any consequences for everything, anything. So how's that sound to you? I mean, I can't see how there could be anything possibly wrong with creating another place on the internet where people can lash out at strangers. Well, yeah, I see. Also, I mean, it might be tough to Google because there's that hit manga blame. So if you're hitting, if you're searching for blame book,

although it does use an exclamation point. No, no, but that's a good point. I wouldn't want people to get confused. The years you use an exclamation point. It was going to, but it was going to be after book, re-blame book, blame book. But so, okay, but those are both good points. Dan, maybe we maybe

instead of a social networking site, it's kind of like a doxing site where you just, the person you're blaming doesn't know it and you're putting up their personal information. I feel like you're going, you're going the wrong direction. Okay, that's somehow, okay. Then you know what, how about, I got a better idea. How about we just call it bg.com, blamegod.com. And it's the site where you can input what you need to blame God for and who you're telling this blame to and the site will create a personalized letter from God to the person that you need to get out of being in trouble with. Just taking the blame, dear Stuart, I'm sorry that I wrecked your shoes love God and really it's

actually actually think you're on to something Okay, so there it is bg.com blame god.com Do you think Squarespace could help me with that? Yes, and as I said before go to Squarespace.com slash flop for free trial and use the offer code flop for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, but we're also sponsored in part by Storyblocks. Storyblocks is a stock media service and makes it possible for creators to keep up with the growing demands for modern video content so you can bring all of your stories to life and stop sacrificing

your vision due to time, budget, or resources. Storyblocks, unlimited access plan gives you unlimited downloads of the over one million plus assets at their library. You can try out multiple options quickly and find the perfect fit so you can create more and spend less. Re-stock is their commitment to increase representation in stock media by hiring creators from marginalized communities to create content that is more reflective of the diverse world we live in. Stay on budget while telling the best version of your story with the most affordable subscription

plans and tools on the market that scale to meet your needs. I, you know what? Stock footage is used by all kinds of people, whether you're making Black Easter or like me, you're making a new intermission song for the live show that is happening this evening. You put some elbow grease into that thing. I did actually. Maybe the most actual work that is put into one of the elements of the show. I don't know.

But so you can see that. You've made all with Storyblocks footage at the live show. And you too can do like the Flop House does. Explore their library. Subscribe today at storyblocks.com slash flop. That's storyblocks.com slash flop Stuart. I think you have a jumbo. J-j-j-jumbo, Tron.

That's right, Tron. Hey, has your appetite for supernatural mystery tabletop role-playing games been wedded by the adventures of the hogs bottom three? That's a reference to the flop house bonus content where I make these guys play role-playing games with me. Well, good news. Lake Shore and Limbo is solving occult cases in the city of Chicago on a weekly basis.

This actual play podcast features a sloppy alchemist, a former cat, and a 1940s film star solving spooky puzzles using the FU system. And the cast includes performers from Second City Theatricals, I.O. Chicago and Jackbox games. So Lake Shore and Limbo is available on Spotify, iTunes, and all of the other usual podcast suspects. Why don't you check it out, listeners? And hey, if you like tearing that jumbo tron and want to purchase a jumbo tron of your own, did you know you could do that to send messages of either a personal or provotional

nature? Just go to maximumfund.org slash jumbo tron and pick which show this one you want it to be on and then do the message and then unless there's something wildly offensive or defamatory, Stuart Dan or me catch on to your your plan to have Dan say very specific words, sneaker style for you to use his voice to break into a security system. Exactly. It is my passport. Yeah. You can't you can't tobelowski him. Yeah, we will, you'll get the joy of hearing one of us saying those things like the puppets we are

and you, the puppet master pulling the jumbo tron strings. Oh dear. So that's maximumfund.org slash jumbo tron to have us spread your messages. But hey guys, I've got another thing to promote. Hey, hold on, this one's a limited time offer. Jumbo trons, we do those all the time. You can do them whenever you want. But as I mentioned at the top of the show, today is the day, if you're listening

to this on September 25th, the day comes out today is the day when we will be doing our live remote flop house over your computer's internet show, video show, talking show where we're going to be talking about Super Mario Brothers. That's right. We couldn't let the 28th anniversary of this cinematic classic go past without us commenting on it, celebrating it. Maybe I haven't rewatched the movie yet for the show. I mean, I have in the past because it's today, but when I'm recording this, I have not yet.

And we're gonna have all new PowerPoint presentations at the top. Dan made a hilarious video at a story blocks. We're also gonna do some other neat segment stuff. Dan has some ideas for, Dan's got a lot of ideas. We're gonna be answering questions from the audience via Zoom chat. And we're gonna talk about some other exclusive stuff that you're only gonna know about if you watch the show.

Just go to theflophouse.simpletix.com. Again, go to theflophouse.simpletix.com. Again, that's theflophouse.simpletix.dx.com. It is Saturday, today, September 25th, at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. And if you can't make it to the show on time, if you buy a ticket, you get access to the archived video of the show for one week before it disappears, poof, overwritten by the timeline as Jesus has assassinated in the past.

Tickets cost. And tickets are available for a week during that time as well. Yes. So if you missed it, if you're listening to this on Sunday for instance, because you save Saturday for not touching any electronics, then maybe you would want to listen to it and watch our shows. That's a very good point. So if you missed it, missed it. Now you can kiss it by paying the $10 for the ticket

to get access to the archive video. You have just that one week to watch it, to buy a ticket and watch it, and then it goes away. And as we mentioned, I think last time, if it's a household, it's just $10 per internet connection. And you don't need to, if there's four of you in the house, then you're all gonna watch, you don't have to buy four tickets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't be like $40, that's too much. It's only $10. $10, when Alexander Hamilton, you throw that money away. You lights the cars with it. Why not say, spend it on some entertainment. As we talk, Super Mario Brothers,

the first video game movie, maybe the best of them? I don't know, guys, we'll find out. That's Saturday, September 25th, today, 9 p.m. Eastern just be in specific. Go to theflophouse.simpletake.com. Well, he's getting tighter at that every time he does. Every time, I mean, this is the last time, so it's not gonna get any longer, but, you know.

Yeah. I cannot express enough how much it has to be this week that you see it because otherwise it will not be there. Well, let us move along to let us can't move along. This is a vegetable. Good point. Well, Alex to leave that. Alex do not delete that. Thank you. Alex, can you submit that to the Nobel Prize as a joke? So I gave you guys one letters question, but I realized there's a thematically better letter to read. Wow. So I apologize for pulling a switch or route.

Okay, well, you're not going to get our best takes. No, this is from Mason Lansing with help. Oh, Mason Gamble, the star of Dinosaur, the menace of the movie. Mason writes, Greetings, Peaches. I'm a longtime max fund contributor and it brings me joy knowing that I'm helping

to support my three favorite funny dudes just hanging out and talking movies. Love it. Dan needs that help right now. Then when I'm done listening to story break, I sometimes throw on the flop house so there's noise in the background while I do dishes. Just kidding. My question is this.

That was relief. Is there acting notes in there for you? Yeah, it was that all you're doing like a scam. They're a little bit. My question is this, from the 10 commandments to Noah, from Jesus of Montreal, to Jesus Christ, Superstar, the Bible has long been a source of inspiration for filmmakers.

If you had to make a movie based on a Bible story, what story would you pick, and how would you tackle it? Mason Lastname withheld, PS Stewart, I've been led to believe that your theological indoctrination level lags somewhat, but somewhat behind Dan's and Elliot's. So might I recommend Samson, who slaughters an army using a donkey's jawbone before giving his eyes gouged out, or possibly that one time with the prophet Elisha, summoned two dire bears to totally murder fight some rude teens. Yeah, that was not.

That's one that I wanted to bring up. That's sick. Alisha, the petty profit. And he's the one who visits you. He's the one who visits every person and goes to your house at Passover. So like, you got to make sure he doesn't bring the bears with him. Yeah.

Well, you, as long as you don't call him bald head and tell him to come up. Do you know what I love? The kids go, go call them bald head and tell them to go up. Yeah. The kids go go up your bald head and he's like bears get him. Wow. To me, my bears. I think I would like to do a really good Jonah movie because nothing like getting swallowed by big fish guys. Yeah. So you're saying the movie, big fish was not an actual selling of the Jonah story. No. No. Actually, I actually have one guys. I would like to do a,

this is going to be a little bit out there, but it's going to be a David and Goliath story, but where David and Goliath are both sports teams. And obviously the David would be the young, lucky upstarts and Goliath would be the established team. Maybe they play some like a former soccer

that involves martial arts as well. We'll figure that. Okay. That makes sense at all. It's all ripped from the page. David and Goliath is a great idea, but I'd wanna do the prequel about when David first met Goliath and their friends and what happens and what tears them apart

so that they become enemies in the Bible story. But also. Yeah, it's aimed at at the end of the movie that they're gonna fight. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and there's some joke about stones or slings, you know. But I think the, I've always wanted there to be like a much better Passover movie than

there is. I feel like the Ten Commandments is not great. I, in my opinion, Prince of Egypt is fine. And to me, the best adaptation of the Passover story is still creeping death, the Metallica song. So like, I'd love to see a, I've never seen a Passover story, drama station that I think gets across the sheer like, both the scope of that story and also the terror of it that really gets across how terrifying it is

when the plagues come down or things like that or like what a strange man Moses must have been. So yeah, do some kind of big, big Passover epic, or again, there's that, again, that David and Goliath prequel, we're about other buddies. Yeah.

If you do the Miss people and not sports teams, like I suggest, yeah, I mean, it could be a prequel about how the sports teams are friends, but either that's, Oh, yeah. All the way to the end. Yeah, all the way to the end. Like each is individual friends with another person or like, no, they're only group friends.

They only get out together. And couples. Yeah. I mean, you got an hour and a half to fill. I mean, yeah, you can make them all in there., you got an hour and a half to fill. I mean, yeah, you can make them all in there. Sure. Now we're in a half to fill. Do you like Stewart?

I was that's that's that's that was the log line for a royal tent about. We got like two hours. Put them all in there. Who cares? The studio goes Stewart. We have some notes. Your movie currently has a 37 hour runtime. Yeah, I want to tell everybody stories to teams or the people. Everybody put them on there. What do you got to do?

Yeah. This is from Anthony Lasting with Held. Dear floppers, you guys already had a bajillion episodes when I started listening a few years ago. I have no idea what the House cat is and I've never understood a single reference to it. Who is the house cat? We've explained the joke to me in Embersill. Thanks, Anthony Lasting with help.

Well, I'm assuming at the end of this episode, Alex will just tack on the, he's the house cat song in the summer that we released a few years ago. A few years ago. He's taking a brave, he's taking a brave, I will not listen to your back cat a lot. That's true. So the house cat was the character that I invented in an episode many years ago, he's the house that was on was 2013. So that's almost 10 years ago. Jesus God. Yeah.

So yeah, there was so the house cat was a character that sewer invented but really just a sound effect. Where Stewart would say, and we go, oh, the house cats here, and that was it. And we started getting fan letters about the sound effect and about the house cat character. It really captured the imagination of our listeners, which is why Stuart stopped doing it right away.

With our unhearing instincts for self-promotion, as soon as it became a breakout hit, Stuart was like, I don't wanna do this. We stopped calling attention to it. I'm more than a catchphrase. But I can understand how someone who's just come in and let's say in the past seven years of the podcast might not understand that the house cat was once

the darling of the internet. Yeah. And I'm sure there are people who are like, why, what is this rocket crocodile? I don't understand. And it's like, what is this rocket crocodile? I don't understand. And it's like, well, we did make a joke about it 11 years ago. In one episode. Yeah.

Oh, it's weird. You know, Tom Flais gets. Well, I mean, Steve Martin and Dannec Pratt only did the wild and crazy guys characters, you know, like three times or something like that. So, you know, Oh, wow. And then I inspired the Joker movies.

Well, let's close up the mail bag and we'll move all on to the good movies. Back. Zoop. That's that's the opening of the zippers out. Yeah. And we're going to recommend some movies. If you don't like to laugh at a movie, maybe you'll like to enjoy a movie that we liked.

I'm gonna recommend a movie that I'm pretty sure Elliot will be familiar with. It's called Dr. Cyclops from 1940. It's directed by Ernest B. Shodesteck, is that how you say his name? Shodesteck, I think. Yeah, who was half of the team that did King Kong. Him and Marion security team, King Kong together.

It's a trim 76 minutes. It's a pulpy old style adventure science fiction thriller about the titular doctor who's not actually named Dr. Psychologist. He has very bad eyesight. It's just bestowed upon him and he has learned how to shrink things. It's one it's maybe the second best shrinking people movie. I'm going to say, yeah, after the incredible shrinking man, it's a, it's a solid shrink and it's star.

And of course, it has everyone's favorite star, Albert Decker, as Dr. Cyclops. Yeah, there's a team of scientists and various fellow travelers with the scientists that go visit this guy and he gets mad at them and he shrinks them And he tries to kill him. And it's about, you know, this mad scientist being chasing these tiny people around. And I thought it's in Technicolor. It looks really pretty. Sounds awesome.

It's fun. Dr. Cyclops from 1940. It sounds great. Yeah. I'm going to recommend a movie on Amazon. Wait, let me on Amazon Prime. It just popped up. It's a movie called The Voyers.

It is an erotic thriller. One of those, you haven't seen one of those in a while, huh? And Zalman King got out of the game. Yeah. And it is. And they're always calling them. They go to his cabin, raise chopping wood and they go, and they go, Zalman King and he goes,

how'd you find me? We got one more job for you. Is it there was one more red shoe diary? So it's finally there to the end of the phone book because Xom and C, whatever. So he, so the boy years. Yeah, because the phone book is organized by first name. So that's why Xom and C is at the end of the phone book.

That's why we did a phone book, dude. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. My memory could be wrong. Maybe it is organized by first name. Good. I get back to my recommendation here. Yeah. So this is a movie about a young couple

who move into an apartment where and they become obsessed with the personal life of their neighbors who live across the way and they can see into their apartment. And it's genuinely like sexy and it looks great and it sounds great and it's just rare to watch a modern movie that has any sex at all,

let alone one that's kind of hot. So and it's got some fucking nutty twists. Yeah. So I totally recommend it got some fucking nutty twists. Yeah. So I totally recommend it. I think it's great. It's got, I guess there's a couple things it would be triggering, but it's like a weird horny erotic thriller. So watch, like if, if you're up for that, watch that shit. It's like the horny parts. The twists are pretty silly. That's what's great about it. Yeah, that's true. I remember, like, as I've gotten older, the sillier the twist, the better. I remember like as I've gotten older the sillier the twist the better I remember cisco and ebert having the exact same

conversation about some movie where ebert said I liked the horny parts yeah yeah yeah that was the first ebert out of that speaking about horny and silly I wanted to recommend the movie Margaret directed by Kenneth Lonergan starring Anna Pacquan the three hour cut of it is on Criterion. I have not seen the shorter cut that was released to theaters. But it's the story of a teenager in high school lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan who accidentally causes a bus accident

that leads to the death of a woman, a random woman. And it weighs on her. And as she is going through the same kind of trials and tribulations that I'm sure all upper west side teams go through about who is she and misunderstanding the adult world, she becomes more and more focused on feeling like someone needs to be punished for this and focuses on the bus driver who is,

she feels as as culpable as she is for this bus accident. And it's a very novelistic movie. There's a couple different character strands that kind of don't impact each other, but do, like, reinforce and inform each other. And it's like a, it's not the kind of movie that's gonna be for everybody. It feels like you're watching a novel of a movie.

I've never read a Jonathan Franz in a book, but there's part of me that was watching that was like, this is probably what a Jonathan Franz in a book is like, you know, kind of like unhappy well-off people. But I thought that it was really well made. There's a lot of great scenes in it. The performances are really great in it. It's also got Matt Damon's in it.

Matthew Broderick's in it. Alson Janney is in it. Mark Ruffalo's in it. Lots of people are in it. John Renaud is in it, playing Not in Assassin. And like Jean Reno is in it, playing not an assassin. And like playing a very kind of a quiet character for him, there's a lot of great actors in it. And I don't know, it might be because it's a very New York

movie and it feels very New York. And especially New York during the time that I lived there, it might be that I liked a lot, because there are a lot of scenes that take place at the Metropolitan Opera, at Lincoln Center, which is a building I know very well be that I liked a lot because there are a lot of scenes that take place at the Metropolitan Opera at Lincoln Center, which is a building I know very well and I have a lot of good memories of. But I thought it was just the kind of movie that I don't see a lot of and I understand why it was not a hit.

You know, the release was delayed for a number of years because there were lawsuits between the director and the financiers over the cut of it. But I thought it was really satisfying and really good. And in a world where I watched a four-hour movie of unhappy Batman, I feel like I can watch three hours of actual human beings dealing with human being stuff.

So I thought it was really good. It's called Margaret. The main character's name is not Margaret though. So don't go into it expecting an impact when it's character to be named Margaret. Sorry. Spoiler alert. Sorry to. There are a bunch of characters. One fan out there who's really in the movie is for the main characters. Yeah, it's like when you fire up Legend of Zelda and you're like, cool, I get to play Zelda. It's like, whoa, not so fast. You're looking for Zelda. But she's not even looking for Margaret. But there were a number of characters in it who were like, I was like, whoa, not so fast. You're looking for Zelda. But she's not even looking for Margaret. But there were a number of characters in it who were like, I was like looking for sugar

man. Sugar man is the searching for sugar man. Yeah, I guess you're looking for Mr. Good bar. Is Mr. Good bar sugar man? No, he's far is a candy bar. He has a man of made of sugar, but I think you're actually finding far ister who is, yeah, who is also a sugary man And has a good bar. It's called Hinderlands. It's in Brooklyn

Oh, wow, there's a self-blog right there Margaret is like it's a good movie for someone who doesn't live in New York And where there's a number of characters who I felt like were like these are New York people These are people I remember from my time in New York and so I really liked a lot Well, we did it we We did it, guys. That was another one of the can. Another hit that, hit that flusher. Get it out of here. Make the fish drink it. The icy hand of Shocktober is now reaching out

to clutch our shoulders. As we wait. I can't tease. Well, we're gonna watch, because we haven't seen it yet. We're, let's take a moment to wave but buy to the tiny hand of small Vembers, which we gently removed from our pocket.

Where it was attempting to steal a pen and, yeah, and say, not this time, small Vembers, but you've been great. Yeah. Well, for the flop house, I'd like to thank Alex Smith, our producer. Uh-huh. I would like to thank Maxima and Fun, our network. And I would like to say goodbye from me, Dan McCoy. And me, Stuart Wellington. And me, Elliot, Kaelin, who is hoping that I'll see you again later today

at our show September 25th 9 p.m. Eastern six p.m. Pacific Super Mario Brothers go to the flop house dot simple takes dot com or go any time in the next week and you'll be able to Pay to watch the video, but until then Goodbye We didn't even touch on I think one of my favorite scenes in the movie when Ram is like, okay, so I'm going to show the terrorists the time travel thing, but when they're distracted, I'm going to run and use it real quick. And he like, tried to do it, they catch him immediately. That's right, they just hold their arm out and he runs into it.

There was a lot of good stuff in that, I mean, by good, I mean bad, you know. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist-owned, audience supported. Can I get your attention please? These are the captain speaking. Can somebody tell that house cat to stop partying? Party in here. ROOOW! ROOOW! ROOOW! Uh oh!

A range of prophecy speaks of a mighty house cat, rising from a blood red sea. Some say he was born in a puddle of toxic waste. Some say he's the son of the devil himself. He hangs out with the flop house guys. He's a house cat. ROLOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUOUarararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararar He only wears his baseball cap on backwards. He's incredibly wealthy sunglasses Unnecessary sometimes he wears overall He doesn't smoke cigarettes cuz they're bad for your health his favorite instrument the guitar favorite food Pizza favorite movie road to perdition favorite book tuck ever lasting

Did you know about that house cat? Tuck every last thing Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, picking up baits, eating some food, drinking some brews, knocking over nerds, breaking the rules, ruining weddings and breaking up rules. No way, two babes at once? No way! Two babes at once? I've been with too many human beings. Rararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararararar D-Clyde. Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-Bump-B Oh, I don't know what's going on here officer. That house catch should be in class, but instead he stole my girlfriend. Housk! Ralow! Did you, did you, did you, did you know about that house catch? Ralow!

Where'd he come from? That's the thing nobody knows. He's a house catcher. Ralow! You're gonna have to hand in your badge and gun unless you can turn in this house cat that's been terrorizing the town Uh oh And the award for baddest dude goes to the house cat of course He's a hush! Hooray!

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