The Flop House - Ep #380 - Orphan: First Kill, with Hallie Haglund

Episode Date: October 8, 2022

The star of the show, Hallie Haglund, returns to talk about ANOTHER adorable moppet, that incorrigible, family-killin' Esther, who's back 13 years later, for a prequel, where she's even younger! A big swing, fer shure -- does the inaccurately-named Orphan: First Kill pull it off? Find out in the first episode of SHOCKTOBER 2022!Wikipedia page for Orphan: First KillMovies recommended in this episode:Creating Rem LezarThe Woman KingPassingEarwig and the WitchEver tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping. 

On this episode we discuss orphan burst kill that's right we're kicking shock tober off in styles Julia styles I don't think we can get any better than that no that was perfect yeah okay what we in the biz call a hot one okay Hello and welcome to the Fluff House, I'm Dan McCoy and I'm Stewart Wellington and I'm Elliott Kaylen and I'm Hally Haglan. But I killed you. Oh no that was that was Sally Hagland. I'm sorry. Sally Hagland. Oh that bitch. I'm glad she's gone. Yeah, hey everybody, Shottole, we're starting with the bang, a Hally Haglan bang that is. What? Oh, it's cool, don't worry, it's cool.

Okay, anyway. Well, it was the idea of a Hally Haglan bang not the best way to start it. Anyway, so this is a podcast where... Okay, how about this? How about this? Okay, he's gonna save it. He's gonna save it.

Hold on, I'm gonna say it, hold on. That's like, no, that's worse. Hold on, you know what, Dan, just keep going. Yeah, I'm trying to. Say, say, listener, it's brand spanking news, shop to over with a brand spanking alley. I mean, slightly, I guess. Yeah. If you're stumbling onto this podcast for the first time, first off, sorry, for leaving it

out where you could trip over it. But number two, this is a podcast where normal. That was good. That was good. It was a finger. Yeah, it's cool. Normally, we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. that was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. That was good. Yeah, it's a good movie. We had an inkling, this might not be a stinklin' like normal. Mainly because Stuart had seen the movie already and wanted to watch the game.

And it said it's good. It said it's good, we should watch that. No, no. Yeah, but you know, that's Stuart's opinion. I'm not broke in a movie so bad. I'm not liking my new favorite movie, we'll find out. Yeah, that's a surprise. That's a suspense.

Now, Halley, I think you were even a list of movies, and this is the one you chose. That drew what was it about the title orphan first kill that that really caught your eye? It was that Dan wrote next to it. This one is actually kind of good. I hadn't seen it, but I knew that the reviews sort of indicated like, oh, maybe, maybe this is when's okay. I did watch all the trailers and it called out to me most. You did your due halogens. Yes. Now, last year you joined us for, I think, was the turning, right? Oh, yeah.

And it was very, or what was that one called the one that was based on the turning of the screw? Yeah, I think it was the turning. It's under that or the screwing. It's probably not that. And that was kind of a snooze fest. Sorry. The screwing of the turn. Yeah, that's about having sex with a bird.

It's turned T E R N. Oh, well, no, cool. Well, you know, um, John, what if we done? Let's recap Jonathan Livingston sex girl. What's recap? What's happened so far? So we've introduced Hallie and we've introduced

what the podcast is. Yeah, yeah. And the movie that we watched, this is the most efficient So we've introduced Halle and we've introduced what the podcast is. Yeah, and the movie that we watched. This is the most efficient opening we've ever had. We're actually doing really good. Yeah, this is great. So should we get into orphan first kill, which, actually, first actually, before we get into it, I want to say two things.

One, it does not actually show her first kill. No. The movie starts with her already a dangerous mental patient. Why did my cloud first kill? And two, I never saw the first orphan movie. Stewart, would you be able to fill us in on what happens in the first orphan movie? Yeah. So a couple with two kids who wants another kid played by Vera Farminga and Peter Sarsgard.

Those are the kids. No, I mean, there are kids once, but at the point, at this point, moving their story. I see. I see. They're not very old. They're, they're, there are kids once, but at the point, this point, moving their story. I see. I see both of a down-marital drainage. They're not unstuck in time and reliving all their moments at once. No, so they are a couple that is going through some extreme marriage problems, but they decide, hey, you know what? Too much mountain dew. Yep. That's not a problem, Ellen.

Well, they're like, drinking like your star scare was drinking it in bed all the time. He was. I know someone who drank so much mountain dew, they got thrush. They don't what? Thrush. What's thrush? It's like something in your throat. That's.

Yeah, mouth disease of some kind. Is that what that song is about? Oh, thrush. Keep it down now. Your throat's hurt. I thought you were going to do. Is that what that song is out? Oh, thrush. Keep it down now. Your throat's heard. I thought you were going to do. Now it's thrush.

It's a little thrush. Oh, yeah, that's that one too. And of course the band's thrush. Today's Tom Sawyer drinks too much mountain dew. That one, yeah. Yeah. Oh wow. I love the idea that L.A.D. is comparing his own beautiful voice

to get a Lee's beautiful voice right there. So there are a couple and they decide to adopt a third child and so they adopt a Hester or Esther. Esther. Esther. Who is this, this is a friend who is this weird little girl who dressed like an old timing girl and she likes it and she might have like say

a ribbon around her neck that you and the ribbon choker. Yeah. And later on like we find out why she's wearing it. It's not because her head will fall off and she's a ghost. Although every time I see the ribbon and she resists them taking the ribbon off, I'm like, is it because she's a ghost? Even though I know she is. So they, you know, she starts causing problems, kids pick her.

Wait, why is it? Why is it? Oh, she has a ribbon around her neck because when she was in her various mental institutes, she like would like fight against the restraints and she got scars. Yeah, and that's why she wears around her wrists too, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To cover those scars. Yep.

It might much like how in the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Mina wears a scarf for Unternet to cover where Dracula sawed away at her throat with his vampire bat teeth. Yeah. But Dracula got nowhere near Esther. So Esther, long story short. Long story short. Until the third movie, orphaned Dracula's adoptee. And so and Dracula's like, I'm getting tools at age. I'm hundreds of years old. I won't have a child. Uh oh, adopts Esther.

So and you know, like Esther doesn't quite get along with her adopted siblings. The older brother is both a bully and a coward, pretty common combo actually. Two sides the same coin. Yep. And but she gets along with the younger sister. But it turns out there's more to her than we believe. She's romantically in love with the father, which makes sense because it is Peter Sars guard. But he is a dummy and does not pay any attention. Vera Farmiga immediately suspects Hester's up to no good. And so does the adoption agent played by

a loser? I think we don't need to go to this much detail. I think maybe just tell us the reveal about Esther and then we can get into the new movie. So wait, I thought you told me I could tell you the entire plot of the movie.

So the big reveal is that Esther is not Esther. She is not a little girl at all. She's an old girl in a little girl's body. And she's let's say neurologically divergent and hurts people, hurts herself sometimes and is very good at lying. Movie ends, she sinks into a frozen pond, possibly dead.

Who knows? Much like the actor that Mr. Burns hired to play one of the Simpson's kids, she is an Estonian dwarf and that is the big twist of the movie. Yes. She's an Estonian little person, and actually in her 30s. So let's go to orphan first kill. Should I talk about my favorite scenes in the movie? No, let's go ahead.

What does it mean? Well, we just talked about the movie that we actually are talking about today. The title comes up immediately, which made me think this was a short for a moment because it was just like orphan first kill. Just jump set you. There's no cold open. And I'll, I'm very surprising to find out as we watch it, it's not actually about her first skill.

The title is incredibly inappropriate. So it's Estonia 2007, and a car drives through some snowy woods. It's very the shining. And the driver of the car is going to the Sarn Psychiatric Institute, this woman Anna, she's an art therapist. She is starting her first day at the Sarn Psychiatric Institute in Spooky, Villastonia, which is located on Creepy Mountain in the snowy wastes of that country. And so it's her first day.

She gets a binder full of security procedures. And as the doctor is telling her, Hey, here's what you need to learn. An alarm goes out. Lena's not in her room. Lock down. You wait here in this room. Alarm, clacks on flashing red light. Lena's free. Lena's free. Lena us free, we gotta get, we gotta get her.

And so, um, Dr. says, lean is our most dangerous patient. You wait here alone in the art room. And she turns and sees that there's a girl at one of the desk. We're like, it likes to hang out. Yes, there's a girl at one of the desk sketching. And it takes this art therapist a thousand years to even consider that this might be the dangerous patient that's on the loose. That she goes, do you, are you the daughter of someone who works here, which is bonkers, that the daughter of the staff, the psychiatric

institute would just have the run of the place like she's Lyra in Oxford and the golden compass. Like that's not a safe place to have a kid running free. And, yeah, Dan. Well, I just want to talk a little bit about the character of Lena Slash Esther. Who is that? It's not Lena Dunham. I should make that clear. Thank you. The, uh, where is it? The actress, uh, I think her name is Isabel Furman. At the time of the first movie, she was 11 years old playing an adult who pretended to be a child. Now she is an adult who's pretending to be a child.

She is in her early 20s. And I don't like, I felt like when watching this movie, the first shots of the snowy drive were still like beautiful and crisp. And then so much of the rest of the movie looks like they smeared Vaseline all over it. And I was wondering like, is this to hide the fact that they now clearly have an adult woman playing this person who's supposed to look like a child? I think it's partly, I think it's partly for atmospheric effect, but also partly. I mean, the movie, I don't know how many child body doubles or what angles they used,

but she looks very much like a grown-up pretending to be a child. Wait, is she, is she, no, she's probably not your height, Hallie, maybe a slightly shorter than you. She's like five, three. So yeah, it's movie magic. That's movie magic. Part of the appeal for me, I like, I love force perspective, I love body doubles.

See all over the place in the Lord of the Rings, it's in this movie too. That's why Stewart's favorite movie is Clifford starring Martin Short as a misdivis little boy. A movie that is getting a cultural reevaluation as we speak, Galley. That's right, true. That's right. So we are living in the new Clifford universe. Yeah. The MCU, the Martin Short Clifford universe. Yeah. They did do like a very little like digital deaging with her face, but most of it was practical effects from what I understand, just body doubles and angles. So thumbs up.

Oh, yeah. That makes me like the movie even more. I have even more respect for it. Yeah. I mean, that being said, it is very hard to believe that the family doesn't recognize that that. I mean, I guess the orphan movies could also be called the dumb dad series. Well, yes. Because there's some oblivious dad who does not recognize that this is clearly not a child. I mean, I guess the orphan movies could also be called the dumb dad series. Yes.

Because in this movie, there's some oblivious dad who does not recognize that this is clearly not a child. It's all about Donald's dad. It's Tom Sexy Dad. Yeah, that's a big deal. He's dumb daddy. And the dad in this one, what's the actor? It's Donald Sutherland's other son.

One of Donald Sutherland's other sons. Sorry, it's Rossif's other one. And he is, it's just like, the character he's playing is so like hushed and like this hushed, hushed sad dad-by-dad, who's oblivious to the world around him because he has an artistic soul. And he paints the chinsiest paintings. I thought those were cool. Thank you. I think they're cool too. I'm trying to give the paintings. But we get to them. They're kind of, this is me being snobby.

They're kind of level one art. No, what's ridiculous is her paintings and everyone's like, you're so talented. It's like, she looks like she like is a child, dry. I don't know. So anyway, so anyway, this girl, we're back at the Sarn Institute. This girl introduced herself

as Lena. She's got a sharpened pencil in her hand. Oh no, she's seen the dark night. She knows what you can do with a sharpened pencil. And that the doctors come in, they demand she dropped the pencil and it lands with a boom. And the doctor goes, hey, you should know, I should have told you this beforehand when I told you Lena was super dangerous. And that she was on the loose. She has a gland disorder. She's not growing at 10 years old and she's now 31 and she's an exceptional con artist and talks about, oh yeah, Lena invaded a family as a runaway and killed all of them. Anyway, welcome to your new job.

Which is possibly the first kill, but we're not sure because. But we're, yeah, we'll never know. And the first art therapy class, Lena suddenly taunts this other patient who turns feral whenever offered a piece of candy. And and this is nine minutes into the movie. And I was like, there's a lot going on already, nine minutes in. Yeah, it's great. Lena is watching a movie on her in her room.

I believe it's the little princess with a, it's Shirley Temple's version of it. She gets a package from a guard that has a dress in it. And there's an icky part where she is seducing this guard to come into her room, and then she slams his head against a wall so many times that he dies, and steals the key card and escapes. And there's a whole sequence where she is,

she's kind of sneaking through the halls, just dodging people, and no one in this hospital has peripheral vision. There's no way that she, that like, they don't, they wouldn't notice her, and this is the beginning of, lean up and the fucking goof section. So that's the thing you object to and not the fact that this person with this glandular disorder has the strength to beat this guy to death by like slamming his head. I'm actually looking

to security guards file and he has a gland disorder that makes his head super soft. Yeah, he has a skull eggshell head. His head is actually as thin of it as an eggshell. Yeah, he should have been wearing his helmet. It reminds me of this psychiatric institute in the movie Glass, where there was one security guard on duty at all times. And it was like, wait a minute, you're holding criminal masterminds.

Like you can't just have one person. Anyway, this starts a theme of the movie, which is that the movie is presenting Lena as this brilliant Hannibal Lecter-esque sociopathic mastermind when she's constantly screwing up and she's constantly making mistakes. And it would be because it's because the people- Makes her more relatable as a hero, Elliot. Because the people that she's fooling are so either oblivious or evil that they either don't notice or choose not to notice. One thing that I like and, you know,

I will reveal the big twist of this movie when we get to it. When we get to it. So spoilers get ready for or from in first spoilers. Yeah. If you want to see this movie, see it before we talk about it because there is a big spoiler. Yeah, just crack open your paramount plus and watch that shit. But I do. I will say this sort of vaguely now. Like, I think it's hilarious how this movie suggests that like, oh, maybe how good she is at being this pulling the scam in the first movie is partly because she's gotten some help

in this movie. I mean, she's not super good at this scam in the first movie. I didn't see the first movie. So that makes sense to me then more than this is the, this is the still untested, Lena, she has not fully become, they should have called it becoming S, they should have called it orphan becoming S. Her, like that would have been a better perfect. Yeah, perfect.

But, or orphan kills six through 12 or whatever. Yes. Or Finn, not the first kill, but some earlyish ones. Anyway, she's dodging people. She eventually a security guard briefly stops her, but she, she goes, Hey, do you want some candy to the feral inmate whose job is to stand in the lobby with a mop and a bucket, just hauntingly, very slowly mopping to scare people as they walk in, like a haunted mansion.

Like it's like a Halloween haunted house, you know. And so the, the, the federal one attacks that security guard and Lena escapes and she manages to get into the car of the art therapist who quits her job, but doesn't seem to, now maybe I missed her so it was going on. It looked like her, her, but doesn't seem to. Now, maybe I miss her so it was going on. It looked like her art therapist is in the car. Lena gets in and the art therapist leaves and quits, then gets back into a car, drives to the city, and then seems confused about whether or not Lena is in the car or not. And maybe I miss something. It seems like she should have known the whole time that this. No, no, I, I think that you saw that Lena like was in front of her, like, like the little

spooky, shh, don't tell anyone that I'm escaping. And then so the Anna, the, the therapist was like, oh, she ran off into the woods or whatever. She was like, I thought there was a shot. I thought there was a shot. I thought there was a shot of the door opening and closing, but maybe I misread that. Maybe that was Anna getting out. Maybe that was afterwards.

Anyway, because if Lina is out and she's searching me, I'm staying in my car and I'm getting away as quickly as possible. I'm not bothering to give notice. I'm not, I'm not even Trevor Noah-ing and announcing it on the last day as a surprise. I'm just leaving without telling anybody. Yeah, I mean, that could be an email. That's like, you're quite a way. I think this confession under under duress,

because I'm scared there's a psychopath out there could be an email. I think you, I mean, I'm not a big fan of the concept of quiet quitting, but maybe in this case. Yeah. This is time for the big resignation. She quit. And then she this case. Yeah. This is time for the big resignation.

She quit. And then she quits. Yeah. Anyway, she goes home. The trunk of her car opens on its own and when she walks around to look at it, there's no, there's no one in there.

And she goes into her house and lean is there with a tire iron and she hits her with a tire iron. Lena takes a while to play the piano. It turns out she's a beautiful piano player. She drinks so wine.

She browses the internet looking for missing American girls she can pass for. And she dresses up in her in her fancy dress that was given to her. She looks fully orphaned style now. And then she finds that the art therapist is still alive. So she kills her by hitting her a bunch more times. And you know, she's still not the first kill. She's changed into her like clean clothes now. Like, yeah, she took off the clothes and had all the blood on them, cleaned herself up. And then she had to bloody yourself up again. So she's got it. So I mean, it's a mistake kids make. She's not a kid, of course, but you know, so she

goes to a she goes to a method. Yes. She goes to a play. She's the most method actor there is. She goes to a playground. She sits spookily on a swing at night until a police officer comes by and she's like, please, I am American. And she has this accent through the rest of the movie. She never really, at least even tries to do an American accent, which is hilarious. Anyway, then we cut to Darian Connecticut. That's right, everybody, one of the most expensive places to live in the United States. They've got an amazing public library, Darian Connecticut. Yeah. I was unaware of like, but when it came up Audrey, I was like, oh, that's a very, very fancy place. And then when things started happening later on, she's like, okay, it makes it,

like you don't set something in Daryian Connecticut unless you're commenting on how wealthy the people there are or whatever, as they found get into later. A little bit. Also, I mean, we're just the fact that like, they mainly make movies about rich people now. Like, they don't make a lot of... Oh, Elliot, come on. I mean, like, I'm having a hard time. What's the last mainstream entertainment movie you saw that didn't take place in a big house?

I'm not saying that. With family lots of money. What about the laundry, the... Everything everywhere all the ones. That's a good point. Independent film. Good point. That's one. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that it is clearly a point that they're making to make these people wealthy. You know, once we know the big reveal, like the idea of like, oh, getting away with these things. Is the movie's not even subtle about it, how can you say that? No, the fact that the sun later on goes,

people like me matter in this country. Like, they're being, they are being very heavy handed, but I think you're giving them, it is, I'm not gonna give them credit for making the most blatant point of like rich people have secrets. Like, that's all I'm saying is they said it in a place purposefully. Like, that's literally all that. I don't know.

What was the family like in the first orphan movie? How are they do financially still? You just like to middle class things. Like you know, I don't know what we're arguing about. I'm just tired of watching movies where the main characters have huge houses and they don't have to worry about money and things like that. So anyway, that's literally part of the point. The kind of the interesting thing though is that there's also like a trend in a lot of media to focus on like how out of touch rich people are, but at the same time, it kind

of feels like lifestyle porn, you know what I mean? Yes. Well, that's the thing. It's a very thin line between those two things. And I think that's really more, thank you Stewart for articulating more what I'm getting at. It's hard to do this kind of thing without it slipping into life. Oh, that's fine. You can be annoyed at that, but separated out from like clearly a decision was made to

do this for a particular reason. That's the only thing you have a rat in your house. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to use my personal opinion about that. But anyway, it's kind of a fancy rat, though, right? Yeah. It is. Well, the rat does have a little top hat in the monocle. That's true.

So, Daryl and Connecticut, it's a fencing competition. Suddenly, there's an indie style rock song playing. It was a big change in style for the beginning of the movie. And we meet Gunner. He's a high school boy who's a fencer. And he does not want to hang out with his parents after his big fencing meet. And the dad is resentful of the son having fun and the mom, Julia Stiles, is like, Hey, I miss our daughter too, but he has to move on. We all have to move on.

And the cops, a cut detective shows up from the cops. We've got news about Esther, your missing daughter cut to Moscow, Russia, that Moscow. Julia Stiles is there. And she's told that apparently Esther, their missing daughter, was kidnapped by a Russian and taken there for years. And the federal agent is like, be ready for some changes and they walk into find Lena, ominously playing the piano. Yeah, that's awesome. And she both doesn't look or sounds like their daughter.

And she kind of looks like her. She kind of looks like her a little bit. She looks a little bit like her. Anyway, she goes over in Hugs mom. Now they're on a private plane flight back home. And Julia Styles is showing her family pictures. And Lena makes the first of her incredibly stupid mistakes. Although Julia Styles leads her into this trap. Because Julia Styles shows them a picture of an old lady and she goes, Oh, Nana's been so good to us. And Lena goes,

I can't wait to see her. And she's like, Julia Styles is like, she died when you were a little girl. Oh, right. I forget. I've been away so long. And then, and then she steals a mini bottle, goes into the bathroom and drinks it and starts break hitting things going stupid, Lena, stupid, and then walks up again. I mean, very relatable. You know what? This is, but this is not Lena's fault because Julie's sad.

No, she says she's been so good. She's been so good. Oh, that's that. About a dead person. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. They're, they're, they're crazy family. She's been so good. Oh, that's that. About a dead person. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. They're crazy family.

It's possible there's a ghost in that house. Anyway, as she keeps slipping up, she says father instead of dad. And when her mom tries to take the cloth choker off of her neck, she grabs her wrist and says, no. Anyway, there's a tearful airport reunion with the dead and the brother. And the brother's greeting is pretty underwhelming.

We're gonna find out why later on. He's like, hey, how you been? They drive home in silence. And Lena is amazed at their huge mansion. And this is where it's halfway between wealth porn and halfway between Annie singing, I think I'm gonna like it here from Annie. Where she's like,

Faberger eggs on the mantle. Hardwood floors everywhere. I think I'm going to like for it to be your dead daughter here. Uh-huh. And so her room is still full of little dolls and lean a house. Beautiful dollhouse. Beautiful dollhouse. Beautiful dollhouse. Yeah. Yeah. And then like, and one of those like, little Victorian rat windows. What's amazing is that, what's weird, It seemed to be setting up the idea that Esther when she was live lived in the 19th century Yes, at the very least the 1950s because she's got this incredibly old-school record player that she plays a Jimmy Duranty song Yeah, she'd be Duranty What the kids loved back in wait, so she would have been

What the kids loved back in white. So she would have been 2007. So she was kidnapped in, I don't know, 75, 4, 3, 3, 2, 2003. Remember the Jimmy Duranty resurgence in 2003? It was on the heels of the swing dance revival was the Jimmy Duranty Renaissance. Yeah, when you just walk onto school yards and you hear kids going,

hink a dink a doo, goodnight Mrs. Calabash. Wherever you are. Well give me some more gogert that kind of stuff, you know. A guy who I'm primarily familiar with through looney jins when people turn into him because they have big nose. Stort in the first movies did they explain why she dresses like she's out of like the 19th century? No. It seems it's kind of weird now. I think it's because it's scary. But it's like a out of like the 19th century? No. It seems it's kind of like now. I think it's because it's scary. But it's like a combination of like,

I guess in Eastern Europe they dress old. But also when Julia Stiles goes to buy her clothes, she buys her clothes that are all like, look like they're from the Victorian or the, you know, or like she looks like she's in the Zars court in the Darnacos. But what about the dad's boxers? But the dad does have some good silly boxers, that's true.

Anyway, yeah, she's trying to lean into her, her return daughter's love of old-fashioned, of looking like an American girl doll. Anyway, Lena says she likes painting. The dad is a professional artist. He's a painter who's been kind of blocked ever since Esther disappeared. So he's very excited. And they leave her to rest and she puts on that Jimmy Duranty record about love. The next day, Mom takes Lena to her doctor, therapist appointment and the therapist has a parrot and Lena misidentifies it as a different parrot. And I just immediately,

I was like, well, I want a therapist to have a parrot, the one bird that can repeat what is said in Boston in the office. I would, the minute I started to hurt, I would be like, sorry, doc, and I would hate it. You do need, it's not like the cartoons, speaking of cartoons, you do need to repeat the phrase to the parents several times to get them to medic. That happens in therapy, so that is therapy, just repeating your issues over and over again

until you hear them. I think you're mistaking that for the Meisner technique. Yeah. Oh, I see. I see. The Meisner technique. I know you said you're a therapist, but I just keep saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, blood everywhere over.

Yeah. A lot of your therapy, things is just you basically ripping the lyrics to this mega-death song, Sweating Bullets. Yeah, exactly. So the, anyway, Lena's like, I'm not ready to tell my parents what happened to me. And mom gets called in and Lena goes to another office. And being a master, a master spy, she manages to trick the receptionist or the other doctor into leaving her office.

And then turns on the old, timey intercom, which of course is also connected to the therapist's office. So she can hear what's being said, and the therapist is like, it feels like I'm seeing a performance. It doesn't seem totally real. And there's other kids in the waiting room, the catches are snooping. And so, Lena says, what do you think? Does it feel like a performance to you? What if I do it more like this? What about a Vallejo's an Italian accent? And the kid is like too much, too big.

And so she pretends that this kid hit her in order to cut the appointment short and get out of there. And as they walk out, she knows this across the street, the detective, who's not even trying to hide that he's there is taking pictures of them leaving. He's not even standing behind a bench or anything. It's amazing. That was taking pictures from my art series of photos of therapists office. It's called exterior interiors.

Yeah. So Gunner's friends show up, they tease Lena, curses at them in maybe Estonian, maybe Russian, I don't know. And dad takes Lena to his art studio, which I have to say is amazingly clean and well organized for an art studio, maybe because I just didn't know while. But wasn't it surprising that those kids were so mean? That's a theme in the orphan movies, people being unnecessarily mean to usher for no reason. And maybe this is part of Dan's, the subtext Dan has dug up in it about rich people not

being nice and not caring about other people. She literally, like you said, he says later on, people don't care about people and the turn that Julius got anyway. Well, but these kids don't know this unless they know the twist unless Gunner like revealed to them. Yeah, but they're just, well, yeah, they were also just like, they're just, they're just, they're all bad people. They all probably killed people too.

And so let's talk about our opinions about the, about the dad's art because so here's what the dad does. He paints pictures and then using black light paint that you can only see when a, when an ultraviolet light is on, he paints hidden pictures. So this looks like a picture of a woman looking at herself in the mirror, turn the black light, she's crying. There's tears on her cheeks. What about this picture of a little girl,

turn the black light, there's butterflies flying around her. And I'm like, come on man. Like this is, there's nothing going on. And they're like, and as Julia says, it's hard getting the grateful dead market that loves fine arts so much and they want it for their home. I don't know.

I bet there maybe they're saying something about the art market where it's like I could see some rich jerk buying this for a lot of money and being like check it out. I had to install black lights in the room for this. Get it? She's looking the mirror, but really she said, as opposed to like art where you're trying to figure it out. I mean, maybe I'm that rich jerk who would like it.

Wow. You were Jeff Goldblum in Hannah and her sister is being like, yeah, I need a painting that's about yay big to that goes with my couch. I'm like those people. Did you guys, I mean, Daniel Stern, I'm sorry, Daniel Stern in Hannah and her sisters. Well, I mean, Stuart, you said you like the art too, right?

Yeah, I think it's awesome. It's black, like I love black light shit. That's great. Yeah, and let's go on. I guess it's more like he's not taking an advantage of the opportunities. That's true, but I don't feel like we actually got a good look at all of the black-law finish piece.

This thing also, it also, it was me about this honestly, was, and maybe I should give the credits the movie for not doing this, for not everything figuring into the plot, but I was sure that later on, like we would see this come up where there was a secret message in a black light painting or... Oh, I think that's, I think that's...

For that, you need to go back to the first movie. Okay. Because this is a setup, because she used the skills she learned here in the, that's the part of being a prequel. You know, I say and it all and it all if it's I mean, here's one where I feel like we're perfectly. And this is like the rich people. This is supposed to be a prequel.

Yeah, yeah. Before the other bar. Oh, that's why it's called first kill. Yeah, yeah, but she, but we don't see her first skill. Okay. So you know, even though it's set in 2007, you thought it was a sequel. I didn't even know that it was set in 2007. I can only assume that it's a stony, a 2007 at the very beginning. Well, I was stretching while I was watching it.

Dan routinely gets up to cut produce while he's watching the movies. I can only assume that when the third movie comes out, she's going to be even younger played by the same actor. Well, in the first place, it's going to be called orphan, first kill for real, and she's actually going to be a kid. And then, when the movie comes out, it's gonna, she's gonna be even younger played by the same actress. Well, in the first place, it's gonna be called orphan, first kill for real, and she's actually gonna be a kid pretending to be an adult.

I love that every movie, the camera, just gets farther and farther away from her. I thought that she was like, I tell you they're like, Esther, let me give you a hug, and they have to, and they have to, one of them is 50 feet behind the other,

so they have to like try to climb it. Someone with of them is 50 feet behind the other. So they have to like try it and lie. I'm like someone with a leaning tower of pizza pretending they're lifting it up. Fake hands on poles. Well, it's like fairay in the King Kong hand. That's what they have to do is enormous fake arms. She's in the first one. She's a kid pretending to be a baby. That's what it is.

Yeah, well, I thought that the first skill would be like her as a baby, tearing her way out of her mother's womb. Perfect. Oh, like in it's alive. So, but he, also, this is a very obvious hitting of the theme of, there's more beneath the surface than what you see on the surface, that, you know, hidden meanings and that isn't Esther the ultimate hidden meaning because she's not really Esther.

So anyway, they are painting in there and she starts to fall in love with the dad. She's really drawn to him. That's insane. I'm not intended because they're drawing and she finds an evidence board of her, of Esther's disappearance that her dad made. And Julia Stiles catches Lena, putting charcoal from the sketch she made of the dad

onto her own lips as if she's kissing the idea of the father. And later, as if she's kissing the idea of the father. And later, Julie Stiles walks in and almost looks in Lena's old book of evidence photos that she carries around while Lena's in the other room binding her chest to look more like a kid. And then Lena finds Esther's diary and starts practicing the words that Esther uses in it such as mommy. Words she never could have known. Well, yeah, she uses mommy with a U like either the British way or the Egyptian pharaoh.

The movie starring Brendan Frazier. But yeah, I wonder, you know, she's binding her chest to look like a child. I wonder if that answers your question about old-timey clothes, just under degree, because I feel like if you were in just like a t-shirt It would be hard to cover up the fact that you have like a bunch of like wrapping on your chest. Who knows? I don't know about that if it's if it's I mean I don't I'm not the first one to know anything about About binding your chest to to make it look smaller, but How do you have experience with this? Oh, you're saying that I'm saying that you do do that. I like that sassy.

Yeah, I mean, I don't want, I don't want to distract Stewart with my enormous breasts. I mean, I don't have to be tied to a certain era. She could wear like, they could be baggy clothes or just sweatshirts. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, overalls would make her look more like a little kid to be honest. Yeah. Get some eye contact on her.

Like a farmer. Yeah, but the, I think the problem is, then. I love, Dan sees a kid bring overalls like farmers are getting younger and younger. I can't believe this kid is running. You're in it. You're in it. I mean, she would have to get like kind of bright overalls because she also has to wear a choker.

So she wants to blend in with like a red shirt. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah. So, uh, wait, now that we're back to the clothes, I have one question. Yeah. Who sent her that dress in the beginning? Oh, so I think that was just the security guard bringing it to her. Yeah.

I was, I first it looked like it was male also, but I think that was, I think he went out and bought that because he was, it's pretty classic Cam girl gift type material. He thinks he's grooming her, but she was grooming him for death. I mean, it's not Cravy. He knows she's 30. I guess, I mean, she's still an inmate at the asylum that he's the security guard at. Yeah, there's a, there's still an edgemate at the asylum that he's the security guard at. Yeah, there's a, you're still in education.

I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education.

I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education.

I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. I'm still in education. and it's like, hey, I loved to have a meeting with all of you and the therapist. And, and Lena is very rude to him and starts eating very aggressively. She steals a bunch of jewelry and some money as a rat watches from her vents. And this symbolizes, of course, that rats. And she, and it's clear that she's going to try to escape, but she's drawn back in by seeing the dad painting away in the studio that night. And she goes back to her room and her rat.

And the next day, she says, and the next day, Julia Stiles is jogging and sits on a, like a giant manhole cover and looks at photos on her phone of Lena and of little Esther. The next day, there's a big fancy charity gala that, that Julia Stiles, I guess, organizes or it's her charity, it's hers in some some way. And, and, and, very weird. If it's her charity, why is it for childhood cancer rather than like missing children? Wouldn't you think the charity would have something to do with the disappearance of her daughter? I maybe, maybe her, maybe the, the person that she consulted with who helps rich people find charities,

thought it would help her to get closure if she was working on a charity that was not about missing children. That's true. Or maybe the missing daughter also had cancer. It's possible. That's true. It had really bad luck.

Yeah. Well, poor Esther. And it looks only the at worst for the girl pretending to be her. So, and Julia Stiles says to the dad, she's like, when we got Esther back, I feel like we got Usback and they start making out and taking their clothes off.

And she laughs for a moment at his funny box or shorts. There's a part in this little attitude where she reaches into her underwear. And I was genuinely like, I'm like, wow, okay movie. Like that's not what you see in these, usually. I feel like every time you see a movie sex scene and someone does something that someone would actually do, do it like with their significant other

or just sexual partner, it always surprises me that it's not just kind of like weird, not quite lined up thrusting with dramatic with like, with dramatic gasping, but the same way that like, that was so, was so brilliant about the scene in, the sex scene in, don't look now, where it's like, yeah, and then they're naked and they brush their teeth and they get dressed. And like, just the shots of them being very casually naked around each other, you know, where it's like, oh, yeah, you don't normally see that in a movie. Normally, like, there's a,

I was strange that you brought up, don't look now, Ellie. Oh, oh, oh, another movie with a killer little person. Yeah. Anyway, so, And a Sutherland. Yeah, this show and Sutherland's pair. Yeah. Think that's what led him to this.

Yeah. Yeah. All this time, he was like, I'll show you dad. I'll do a killer little person movie. It'll be even better than yours. It'll make sense. I'll have a sexy then it. So Alina though is watching this and she's very angry and she slashes the mom's dress,

which interrupts their love making. And she just wears a different dress. And so Gunners supposed to watch her his sister that night when said he invites his friends over for a fairly tame drinking and fire pit party. I have to admit. And Lena watches her. Yeah, it's not like it's you four years. Yeah.

And she walks in as Gunner is refrint her as a weirdo. And then she tells Gunner to go fuck himself and walks off and all the friends are like, oh, and I was like, oh, is what's going to happen to her? Is it going to happen to her, what happened to the daughter, to the little sister in hereditary? Because I don't think I can see another head covered in ants. I don't need to see that again. Oh, yeah.

That's maybe the most distressing shot in a movie that's seen in years. So anyway, it's fun. It gets funnier the more times you see it, though. I got it. That was real. That was real possible. So the detective shows up and he's like, Hey, I just need to use your bathroom. And he goes and he goes in and he investigates.

He's like a flesh move right there. He takes the read. He takes the Jimmy Duranty record, not because he's a huge fan, but because he used a black light, black light again to search, see that there's a, there's fingerprints on it. And she sees him doing this. And the parents get home and the mom sees, he doesn't even turn off the record player. That's true. Just leaves it turning, turning, turning, just like life. They're all in the circle game, you know, one, one, one season, you're just pretending to be a little kid on the next you're growing up, you know, words like when you're older must appease her and she's like, but I am older. I'm 30. I'm just pretending to be a child. What is happening? Dan, I'm, Dan, I'm celebrating the artistry of

Joni Mitchell's what I'm doing. Oh, no, I can get on board with that. I just didn't recognize. Dan, he stole her heart and her camera. So, come on. So anyway, it's a different song. So she finds, Julie Siles finds this book that Lena uses. And it's got all sorts of creepy pictures in it. And at the back, it says it's marked for the Sarn Institute. And oh, she thought this was safe because Lena was in the shower. The shower's empty, which is a huge waste of water. That made me so mad that Leet Estre is just left this shower running for, I don't know how long.

Detectives at home pours himself a drink, starts doing some that. That. Some detective work. Let's take a moment to talk about how he treats his knife when he has, he like cut up like, some citrus and then he stabs the knife into the cutting board and I'm like, you're fucking ruining your knife, dude. I mean, spoiler alert, he's not gonna be around that much longer. So I guess it's fine. But it was really snappy how he snappy how he like made the drink.

You know, it was really elegant. Yeah, it's like he's doing it for two times. I like, yeah, I'd like to dance with that man. Yeah. And so he looks up the fingerprints on his computer scanner and they are not a match for Esther's fingerprints. And he goes, you're not Esther, who are you? But he doesn't get to answer that question because he's stabbed in the back using that

same citrusy knife. And you know what must hurt extra bad because it's got lime juice on it when he gets stabbed. That's probably the first thing he's doing. I was already burning. And that's when the mom walks in and she doesn't say, Esther, what are you doing? No, she shoots the detective dead with her gun, because you know what? It goes, this is all I do, clean up after the kids. And it's from this point on that Julia Stiles goes from, if you didn't see a twist coming,

goes from being the victim mom, the milk toast victim mom, to being the gothic sassy mom who always has a quip. Right. And I also like, I mean, look, you can disagree with me on this, but I think that part, this is part of the like rich person thing too is like she turns into like I am the bad bitch like boss mom. You know, like, well, like wealthy and used to like, like having to take care of the shit. And like, you know, like, I think it's part of the- Just like Lena's pretending to be Esther, Julia Styles has been pretending to be the suburban,

you know, upper-class mom who doesn't have secrets. I really like her performance when she pulls this switch. Oh, sure. She makes a- You can agree that she makes a meal of the role. Yeah. Very much so. You can tell this is a swim fan we're dealing with.

This isn't her first crazy rodeo. Well, that's also her. That's her. That's her. That's her. Well, okay, you can tell that there are 10 things she hates about you. Okay, I'll laugh. This is, this is like, I mean.

She knows how to step up. Yep. Like early in the film, this is Rachel at the wedding. We're seeing here. I know. Yeah, what is Rachel getting married? Rachel is getting married. She's not in that. Oh, that's right.

It's not what's neither of those things. Rachel and Margo went to different wedding. Yeah, when this, when this twist happened, I just said, when Rachel was getting married, yeah, thank you. Oh, but Rachel got married. She was at the wedding though. So let's say, let's give you that at least. Yeah. No, I just wanted to say though, because it was, it was funny to me. We're watching it. And Audrey's like, did Julia styles get like worst acting? Or do they not giving her much of a character? And then it, like, she's so

good at playing the part once the pretense feels it falls away and it's clear that the problem is just yeah, like she has to play this like line. Yeah, she's deliberately playing an uninteresting character up to that point for the contrast. But it also shows that the thing, so from this point in the movie, always on board with this movie because I was like, oh, this is a bonkers movie. Okay, but it takes a very long time to get there. Sorry, bonkers. Everyone's favorite cat made out of chewing gum. The movie that opens with explaining

that this little girl is actually 31 year old con artist. That was like, Elliot's like, not Chris. You know what? Well, no, that's only because I've seen, and not that gimmick, but that I've seen movies about brilliant serial killers who escape and trick people and things like that. Like I've seen that movie a lot at the time. And so to just be a,

and I know the basic premise of the first orphan movie. And I'm so used to slasher movies where they're like, it's the same thing, but now it's at a different house that I was worried this was gonna be another one of those. And so from this point on, it entered into more kind're like, it's the same thing, but now it's at a different house that I was worried this was gonna be another one of those. And so from this point on, it entered into more kind of like just more fun territory. The movie stops taking itself as seriously as it was and starts being like, all right guys, let's loosen up.

Like let's get loose and let's get wild. So I will say, I don't, you know, that they don't, and by the end it's into, it's almost into Universal Monst monsters territory by the end of it Anyway, you say there's no you know for someone who is like me who reads a lot about movies like I can't avoid Knowing when something is gonna have a twist so I walked into this movie Knowing it's gonna have a twist which is always a problem because then you start anticipating what it is

Yeah, and pretty early on I'm like, okay, well, if I was doing this, where would I take this to make it work as a sequel? Because you've already burned the thing, and I'm like, oh, I bet that what is gonna happen is one of these family members or more knows what happened to the original Esther, so they know from the start that this person is not. That's a con.

Yeah, it's a con, but they have to play along with it because they would be revealed. And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, oh, okay, I thought this was gonna be more by the numbers than it was. So mom reveals, hey, a while back, Gunner was playing rough with Esther and accidentally killed her. And they don't go into further detail, but we can assume the worst, I guess. So we faked her disappearance, we threw her body down a well. And dad doesn't know the truth. So you, but you're making dad happy, and I'm finally getting some.

So he's been too sad to get it up and now I am not going back to that. He's wearing his silly boxers again and that means he is horny. So I am, so you got to pretend to be Esther a little bit longer and we can help you out. You can live this. I'm going to like it here, Rich Life and not go back to an Estonian mental institution. And they clean up after lean, she cleans up the leaner, they throw the detectives body down the same well that Esther's body is in. And mom talks to Gunner and he is like, I don't like the situation.

And she's like, you are, you are going to do this. Maybe you shouldn't have killed your sister if you didn't want to have to deal with it. And Lena becomes better friends with the rat that lives in her family. There's a moment where they're talking and Gunner is, this is insane, even for us. And I'm like, I just want to say that about me and my friends sometimes. Also, I feel like that every time we're like, hey, do you want to go see a movie like,

man, that sounds crazy, even for us. But also, I like that that implies that maybe it wasn't just the one murder, though. Like, yeah, this family has always been like these two, the mom and son. I mean, maybe, but I mean, like, actually killing your sister and we're deliberately,

who knows? And then your mom, helping you cover it up and never tell your dad, that's a pretty, that's already a pretty high ball. I know that for realsies, they're not saying that other things happen. I've seen a lot of plays where families get together for the holidays and a secret comes out and the secret is usually like an affair

Or that someone's gay. It's usually not we kill the sibling and we cover it up unless it's a Buried child I guess you know, yeah, I do feel like the only truly load some character in this is Gunner Oh, yeah, Gunner's set up to be yes Yeah. And so because you understand the mom, like you understand her plight, she didn't want to lose both of her kids. One of them was already dead. I mean, but Gunner's such a dick. And it's not in real law. But the thing about Gunner is that at no point does he get a win? Like he's like, he occasionally wins in that fencing competition. He's a fan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. I mean, is that I don't know. Like I feel like he gets, like, he doesn't really get one up on Esther other than like being slightly shittier to her.

And he gets like slapped, kicked in the balls, sprayed mace in the face, all kinds of shit. Yeah. Well, it's also this is what they're doing here is it's like the one thing I didn't that was bugging me a little bit by the end of this was that there's no, and this is fine in some movies, but there's no hero in the movie. And they have to turn Lena into the protagonist of the movie. And to do that, it means you need a hierarchy of assholes, basically, where Julia Styles has to mean out a threat to Esther, and then Gunner has to be so incredibly unlikable that we are rooting for Lena, a murderer who we saw kill a plenty of innocent people to go after him.

I think that's what makes it interesting. It does, but I mean, it would if it's just another thing that like I've seen, but it's the same thing with Hannibal Lecter, where they're like, this guy is a monster, but you know what? Now that we're making a sequel, he's the hero. So we got to come up with a worse guy, you know. Now the Wolfman is chasing after Satan. Yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean, I see what you're saying.

I don't necessarily look at it that way of like we're turning into her into like the hero. I just, I like a movie occasionally where I'm not expected to sympathize with anyone. And it's like what you call is like what I might call like a shark's movie where like there's just like a bunch of sharks like fighting it out with one another. Oh, no, I like this. I like this. I like that too. I feel like the movie, I think that's sharks like fighting it out with one another. I like that. I like that. I like that too. I feel like the move, I think that that's when the movie

is working on its best, it's like that. But there were times where I feel like you were supposed to be, it was very clear that you were on, you're supposed to be on Lena's side. You know? And it was, I don't think there was ever a point where it was like, uh oh, let's see what happened. It's not, I'm trying to think of movies like that

where it's like bad people getting there come up and it's not the lady killers and like that. Although even then the old lady, you know, you're on her side. But so anyway, they, where was I? Let me get my, my 20s. Okay, so Gunner, this is in, in the most set up, he set up shot I've ever seen in a movie.

Gunner is randomly teaching his dad how to use a crossbow. And we just see it for like 35 seconds and it's like, come on movie. Can you you had I know a crossbow is going to be used later on. Bob bow is a much more effective. Well, but also like there is no situation in which a guy would be showing his dad in Daringen etiquette, how to use a crossbow unless that crossbow was going to be used to kill somebody later on in the movie. It was just so, at that point, you might, you should have just had it that the dad collects medieval. No, I think Jane has a pretty good point. Like, with, if it was a long boat, like, long boat's got greater range and in the arms of a trained English longbowman, I mean, the punching power,

it can go right through. No, no, that's true. And you just have to look at what the battle of Cresci, right? And I can ask in court to show you how powerful a Longbow is. I mean, again, when you, the Crossbow's actually used, it's a very short distance in the film. A Longbow at that point would be on Wheel D in that space. But, you know, And I mean, a Crossbow traditionally, they protect themselves with a pavise as well.

Not necessarily in this movie, because she's not going up against another ranged infantry. Now, if you're doing a longbow, a longbow also you'd have to get a pretty good arc on that arrow, right? Is my assumption? You wouldn't use it just for a straight shot, would you? What's that cider called?

What's the cider? Strongbow. Strongbow. Strongbow. That was funny, because I could see, as soon as we started talking about longbows, I could see a hally attention go elsewhere. Like I could, I was like,

oh, how is thinking about something else? I wonder what it is. It reminds me of, I think my favorite thing that Hally ever said to me when we used to work together daily show, where you were like, how many times am I gonna have to listen to you guys talk about fucking Star Wars? And it was clear, it was the least interesting thing

you could imagine talking about. Yes. It was amazing. And it was so many more times that you had to listen to it. Yeah. So anyway, I was also thinking about, we need to talk about Kevin, speaking of the... Now that's a long bow, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a hudders bow.

I'd say. And it's back in the news, because as the star of the movie becomes more and more like the main character from the movie. I mean, really? Not the... I would argue that it's told this star. the, as the star of the movie becomes more and more like the main character from the movie. I mean, not the, I would argue that it's all the stars. Okay, till does the protagonist that's true. As the second lead of the movie becomes more and more like the antagonist in the film. Did he kill somebody?

I mean, he's attacking people all the time and yeah, yeah, he's in Sunsileekl trouble. And yeah, it's it actually seems like he's having a serious mental health crisis. Much in the same way that Kanye West stopped being someone that it felt good to make fun about as you were like, oh, he's having a real break. But anyway. I was having a break. I was having a break. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. His breakout roll. He's the natural result of Tilda Swinton and John C. Riley having a trial. It's just like the old Conan O'Brien if they made it routine. Yeah. They just took their pictures and swish and that's what the obviously, obviously, Zack Snyder was watching it and he said, that's my the flash right there. And then the movie Ricky and the flash came out and he auditioned to be the flash in

that. And they said, no, you made a mistake. This is not about the DC character. The flash. The actual, I mean, the flash is kind of the band, I think, right? And he's yeah, yeah. And he's like, well, can I advertise to be Ricky? Because I read a lot of Ricky Tiki Tavi before this. No, it's not actually a movie about a Mangaus. Merrill Streep's going to play the part.

So can I be the lead and Ricky don't lose that number? It's like, that's a song. That's a song. It's not a movie that we do sometimes make movies based on songs, but not that one. Although they can easily make a movie based on that. We're Ricky keeps losing that number and he has to keep getting it back. Yeah. Can I be the host of the Ricky Lake show? No, again, that's a person, Ricky Lake. Oh, I thought it was a lake that I would jump in.

I tell people about the lake and why it's so beautiful to have a house vote there. No, it's not a real lake. Oh, she's not a real person. No, she is a real person, Ricky Lake. She was in serial mom. Anyway, so how can you get more real life? Anyway, yeah.

The role she's best known for is serial. Sorry, sorry, then role she's better known for Mrs. Winterborn. Anyway, so, so while the mom, well, spray. I was joking. The lead, again, I guess for me, hairspray is a divine movie, but you know, anyway, a gunner teaches dad to use a crossbow while mom is coaching Lena for her next therapy session and the next therapy session. It's an all-family session. And Lena quote, reminisces unquote about a vacation they took where her dad fell off a horse and he had, I fucking love this hair or something. I love this scene where she is like so excited to tell this fucking story.

And it's like back up back up later. There's too much you're getting way too in this shit talking about how he fell off. Stretch the horse. It's a layer. Now also this this Esther is supposed to be what 10 like that's what. Yeah. Like she is so self possessed in the way she talks. Like that's even more than the way she looks.

It just is fun. Well, also how long was she supposed to have been gone? Like four years, I think, right? Yeah, three or four years. Yeah, if you like ask to 10 year old to remember all this stuff that happened when they were six, I don't think that they would actually be able to recall. I asked my kid, who's three, what happened like last month

and he has no memory of it. Yeah, and I asked my kids what happened at school today. I don't know. Yeah, so. That's just, that's just their beginning to shut you out. Beginning, all the fuss is well underway. Yeah. Unless I have something they want,

like a hand that can throw a ball at them to hit with a bat. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Anyway. Unless I have something they want like a hand that can throw a ball at them to hit with a bat Anyway You're one of the top owners of hands in this household father And then the other the other kid comes and goes you have eyes don't you what do you say to reading before ivy and bean books in a row They're really good books though. Anyway, so they have a party where where the mom coaches Lena how to be at the party and she plays piano for everybody. Gunner confronts Lena and threatens her. He's like, I own you. And that night, the dad is like, I'm going to my gallery tomorrow. He

talks like this. He's always talking. I love it. That's great. It's, I'm just, I'm a painter. I'm so sensitive. Anyway, the same way that I feel like almost every male actor talks now in movies. It's, I call it the Tom Hardy, where there's a lot of like, oh, okay, I'm gonna go over here. Like with all trying to be Marlon Brando, I guess. Anyway, so the, and Lena's like, I'd like to go, and mom says, no, you cannot go to the gallery with dad. Because knowing that Lena on her own with dad

is just a thousand traps that Lena might fall into. Oh, so I want to talk a little bit. That help probably really fall in love with his daughter if she spends one day with him in the city. Yeah. There are more and more instances as the film goes along, but I just want to say that gunner and two of his styles as a character are both really cavalier about being mean to this

criminally insane, Estonian murder. Yeah. It's one of the, it's something that happens in movies a lot. And I guess also in the Trump administration, where you're like, I have something on this person. That means I own them. And they forget that this other person is a maniac and, and doesn't really care. And it's not, you know, and always, always has an escape plan, which is I can murder you,

I guess. It does feel a little bit like we've like fallen into a rolled doll story. We can see that. Oh, have you guys ever had rolled doll? They roll it up around cheese. It's so, it's just delicious. Yeah. But you're right.

I feel like, what was, I was watching something recently. What was a similar thing where it was like, I'm going to tell everybody about your criminal past and how you murdered people unless you pay me $20,000 and he's like, all right, come over to my house and I'll pay you and then kills them. And it's like, oh, right, he's a murderer, I forget. Do you think, uh, do you think, Roald Dull had to come up with a pen name real quick and he saw somebody rolling like somebody's doll

down a hill and he's like, Roald Dull. No, he was like, he was at his kitchen table and he was like, oh, Roald, uh,, doll. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, uh, so the, uh, mom, she thinks she's being sneaky. She drugs Lena's dinner and then feeds her a totally different food than everybody else is getting. And, uh, the Lena doesn't want to eat it. She feeds it to her friend, the vent rat, and, uh, dad goes, hey, why don't you come paint with me and they bond as mom watches ominously.

And when dad comes in, mom comes in and insults Lena. And I, I had to remind myself, oh yeah, she's talking to a third-year-old woman because she's like, you think he'd be interested in you? You will never have him. Now I'm gonna go fuck my husband. That was like, yeah. I was like, oh right, right. Cause she's talking to a grown-up.

I can't, I'm gonna say. Yeah. And you'll never have to be in a relationship with him. And Lena comes back up and finds her pet child. She does call her like, she does call her a mutant freak in a couple of times. Yeah, yeah. If they get very mean. Defore. Well, she specifically calls her a mutant freak. Yeah, they get very different.

Well, she specifically calls her a mutant grifter. And I'm like, I don't think grifter was a mutant, right? He was a super soldier who took a different thing. Well, he was a combination of human DNA and alien DNA, right? Oh, yeah. Now, Halle, are you thinking about cider again? No. I was thinking about, there was like a mini series

many years ago called Gryfters. Do you remember that? Well, what was that? What was the TV show with Eddie, a certain mini driver over there, Gryfters? Was that doing time on Maplewood Drive. No, travelers is an insurance company. No, because, well, I mean, travelers are like traveling just like what you do when you go on a trip. No, I don't know. I don't know. It's a band that was inexplicably popular.

I feel like it was a very popular kind of music. I know blue is a color. I feel like it was the riches. I'm gonna look this shit up. The riches. That's what it was. Yeah, there were Romani family, but they were. It was called the riches. That's right shit up. The riches, that's what it was. Yeah, they were Romani family, but it was called the riches. That's right. Boom. So anyway, wasn't there a movie called? Probably. There was a movie called The Grifters from years ago.

Uh-huh. Anyway, anyway, anyway. Eddie and the Cruisers. Yeah, there's also, and there was also a LaBamba, right? Yeah. I love to have movies. The Commitments. Yeah. The Commitments, the Five LaBamba, right? They loved that movie. The commitments. Yeah, the commitments, the five heart breaks, right?

As you guys, is Lou Diamond Phillips canceled? I don't know. What did he do? I think, I don't know. For some reason, I was thinking about him fondly recently and then it popped into my head like, wait, is he canceled? Well, I think, you know what it turned out? He was actually Lou Blood Diamond Phillips and that's an excuse of all.

And he was like, he's-, he's not ethnically sourced. No, he was actually a conflict diamond all this time. And so anyway, the next, so Lena finds her ret dead and she gets to revenge the next day. She goes, I made a smoothie for you, mom, and it's got a dead rat in it. I do love how many times like she refused the smoothie before forcing and being forced to

drink it. Yeah. That's that kind of stuff I love when when a ordinary thing is frayed it with with cat and mouse gaming. This is this is I think maybe my favorite section of the movie because it's the movie is just like you know what you want to see. It's the two of them trying to kill each other and kind of getting pranks on each other. Yeah.

Anyway, then it but then it gets sloppy. They're at a train station seeing the dad off to go to New York and mom and gunner are talking and the dad goes, Hey, go over to your, your mom and your brother. I'm going to go get some coffee's and Lena is about to push the mom in front of a train but bumps into a bystander who just kind of collides with her and, and who intervenes. And the way she's going to push the mom and I assume gunner is just really clumsy and sloppy. Like there's no, nothing slick about it. This isn't even the first appearance of Venom where he's just a hand in a crowd that pushes Peter Parker onto a subway tracks. And Peter Parker's like, why am I spider-sense go off? And you didn't

find out for a little bit later. It's because that guy's a symbiote that used to live on Peter Parker's pants. Anyway, aren't his body. Anyway. How he cuts, citer eyes. Yeah. She's got, that's the seagull to Betty Davis. Yeah. She's got Betty's side. She's got how he's side. Right.

So, mom is like, that's it. You're dead. And Lena escapes from them. She gets into their car and drives away. And here we have another great moment. Lena's driving in some snowy woods. It looks like they shot. It looks like Estonia and Daryl and Connecticut look almost identical. And she turns on the radio and maniac on the floor is playing. She puts on some glasses. She starts smoking. Did she put on lipstick too? Yeah. It's awesome.

And this is the one time in the whole movie where she looked like a kid to me was when she is trying her best to look like a cool girl. Do you think they can make a giant-sized car for her to try? Yeah, because remember she was like all, I think she's just running down. Yeah, yeah. She's just scrunched. Yeah. That's it.

I love it, dude. All the money in the budget went to making this giant car cab that she could sit in. Uh, and the police pull her up and bring back all. I always find the cut out part of the seat or something though, like that. They must have done something, yeah. I think she was just leaning way down low. I mean, her name is Nina.

Good point. So, uh, she gets brought back home and gunner and her mom are like, okay, we're just going to fake your suicide. We're going to slash your wrist, but she gets free. I fuck, I fucking love this part because they tell me about it. Let's do. Well, I love the date like they come home and they're like, okay, fuck this. Let's just kill her.

And Gunner's like, finally, and they go up, they go up to the bedroom where Lena's at. And Lena turns around and sees them waiting to kill her and just like, oh, fuck. Like it is the moment where I'm like, oh yeah, they're trying to kill each other. Yeah, yeah, that's right. The gloves are off. The choker remains on, but she runs away and the mom is like, gunner finished this. And he takes out his fencing saber. He almost puts his fencing mask on and

decides that's dumb and throws it down in a moment that is totally unnecessary, but I thought really good for that character. Just like him being putting the fencing mask on and looking himself in a shiny piece of art and being like, no, no, that's stupid. And taking it off, he doesn't get the chance to stab her with his saber though because she's waiting for him with the crossbow and to death and then stabs him to death with the saber though, because she's waiting for him with the crossbow and she's just dead. Yes, yes. And then stabs him to death with the saber. And it's just like, anyway, that's it for the crossbow.

That's a wrap for the crossbow, everybody. Well, I enjoy what I think, Stu seems to enjoy about this, is how inauspicious gunners don't mind this, because he is the worst of them. So it's just like, well, you don't even get like much of any. You just get, you get a distance, a distance attack. And it's treated like trash. And meanwhile, Julia Stahls gets a call from her husband who's like, hey, I got a call from the cops about Esther. And she's like, oh, it's no big deal. I got to take care of. He's like, I'm going to come home anyway. She's like, not a big deal. It's really good. Yeah. And so the, the,

the, there's a couple moments during this whole sequence where Esther, like, not a big deal. It's really good. Yeah. And so the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the movie is promising from the moment of the twist, which is hand-to-hand combat between Lena and Julia Styles. And then they're just smashing things over each other's heads. They're in this, you know, in this Nancy Myers-esque kitchen, just like breaking everything until the kitchen catches on fire. They end up on the roof of the house, the house burst into flame so fast. The roof. This house must've been...

Yeah, the roof is on fire. The house is made out of oily rags somehow because it goes up so fast. Well, easy, the dad's a painter, you know? Now, that's true. It is full of turpentine rags. Yeah. And so this is when the movie, I feel like enters, yeah, Universal Monsters Territory, because they're literally fighting on the roof of a burning mansion.

This part, the dad shows, they end up both hanging off the gutters on the roof, which is silly. Oh, he's got one part, which was when they were chasing each other. Her teeth got knocked out. Oh, right, right. part, which was when they were chasing each other. Her teeth got knocked out. Oh, right, right. She has fake, fake, fake kid teeth, but she wears. Only part of them got knocked out because the dad shows up. He arrives.

They're both hanging from the roof. Who's dad gonna save? And Julie says, she's an adult. She's not, she's not as weird. She's an adult. Yeah. But in a kind of confusingly edited sequence, it seems like the dad either doesn't

make a decision in time or moves towards Esther and Julie says, just let's go and falls to the ground or an head burst on the ground. Yeah, I mean, it's he decides to save Esther first, I guess, but it's not like he's making a choice. Like I use interpretation.

I think, yeah, well, I just feel like this. The sign of the sign of art, yeah, is that we can go to the other. I agree with Elliott that I think that this should be much more clear that like, he has to make a choice between them and makes the wrong one. Yes. Whereas this seemed a little muddy to me. The way you might, the way you could have done this, not saying. What do you think, Stewart?

Oh, yeah. I mean, I think you made the right choice because Julia Stiles hid the murder of his daughter. Yeah, you need to get out of that relationship, but maybe don't save Esther either. But it's a really hard. Do you say so, Vester? Yeah. I said so Vester. You have to save Sylvester from cracked mag to eat. Yeah, no, you have to.

You have to. Deviling him all the time. If you're gonna save some of us from anybody, it's that baby kangaroo that keeps kicking him in the face. That's true. My father. That's not a mouse. That's not a mouse?

No, I know. You think it's a huge mouse. Much as Esther is actually a small adult, that mouse is actually, that mouse, what you think is a big mouse is actually a small kangaroo. What if, it was, they should have, if, if loony tunes was still around, oh, damn it, they should have done what called orphan first kick, where the kangaroo deliberately sneaks into the house pretending to be a mouse.

It has to take so much throughout when semester burns its secret. Oh, loony tunes. Well, if only HBO Max wasn't cutting back on animation. Yeah. Anyway, so dad helps her up and that's when he sees her fake kid dentures coming out and he's like, what the hell is this? And he's like, it's okay, I love you. We can be together and he goes, you're a monster and then he just falls to his death too.

And then the Jimmy Duranty song starts playing as Lena very casually slowly. Her burning room gets a clean choker, gets her old book, knocks her bag, not esphyxiaating from smoke. Not at all, not even sweating, you know, she's surrounded by flame. That's one of the advantages of being very short is that all the smoke is on the ceiling.

Yeah. And also, and also that it's clearly CGI flame. So don't worry, she was never really in danger. And there's fire trucks, when she danger. And there's fire trucks. When she walks out, there's fire trucks outside, but the fire trucks are not doing anything, and there's no firefighters around,

which I thought was a very funny choice, that we better show there's fire trucks there, but we don't want to have people playing firefighters, and we don't want to have actually. It's literally the budget building that huge car. Yeah. Or a fire fighter. Look, you can have two firefighters,

you can have a giant car that she looks like a look at it. I can only assume that this is the people who made that chair for Lily Tomlin. Sorry, sorry. Wait, hold on, they're like, but he retired. He lives at a cabin in the woods and they go to this cabin and he's chopping a huge log with a huge axe. And they drive up and he goes, how'd you find me? I stopped making giant, I just stopped making giant stuff a long time ago. We want with calling you back in at a retirement. It's a job only you can do. Anyway, Stewart, I'm sorry.

I'm assuming this movie is majoring the pandemic and it did have probably a pretty modest budget. And like this is the kind of house that they would have at least one housekeeper. So I'm assuming they're just like as few extras as possible. Oh, yes, very much. I mean, that's, and that's, that's the one when you're making a movie that's set almost entirely in one house. That's one of the, one of the good things about it is you lower the cast quite a bit. You're right.

A house like that would at least have like groundskeeperers, something like that. It's a huge house. Anyway, epilogue, Lena is still pretending to be Esther. I have to assume deliberately reminiscent of the end of Psycho. And the therapist is like, I'm sure we can find a family to adopt her setting the stage for orphan than the previous movie. The first movie. Well, also, Orphan, the previous movie. The first movie. Well, also, if you like, the funny thing is, if you look at the trivia for Orphan first kill, like, no, there's something that says something that,

like, this movie was, like, one of the biggest goals of this movie was to close the plot hole of the first orphan where it's like, how did this, foreign woman, that paper is whatever, like how was she up for adoption, an adoption agency in the United States? In the US, what was that? And I'm like, well, I don't know that it was made to close that plot hole.

That's, I guess they made it a priority. I have to assume that either the star of the movie of the director tossing and turning every night saying, I can't, I can't live my life. And and and their wife was like trying to get intimate and they're like, honey, what's wrong? You wore your cute boxers. You could just, I'm sorry, I'm just thinking about that plot hole.

I'm thinking about it. I'm gonna go sleep in the garage. Well, yeah, when Julia Styles is doing the press tour for the movie, she's like, yeah, I felt really passionate about this project because it gave us an opportunity to close an up existing plot hole. Yeah.

She goes, she goes, and now a lot of people who've paid attention to my career note, I'm all about closure. Closure for movies that I'm not in. That's when I made the movie, oh, to finally close the loop that I'll hello left open. Someone say that there's not actually much closure for my character in the board in the board movies. I always seemed like I would be more important than I ultimately was, but

Well, that's probably enough about orphan we've talked for almost the length of the movie. So guys let's go to our final judgments. Is this spookily better than you expected? Is it creepily boring or is it? Oh, I can't tell you what our trademark, Shack Timber, uh, categories are. I'm so glad you trademarked them, Dan, because we've had so many lawsuits that we've had settled with the paper. Was this movie totally scarifying? Was it totally snorifying? Or was it frighteningly funny? Yeah, those were it.

Yeah, yeah, those were it. Yeah, I was. You were real confident at the beginning telling me what they were, and then by the end, you had lost it. Yeah, those are it. I was just trying, then I was like, in my head, I'm like, wait,

but what are those correspond? And I think scarifying is the good one, snorifying is a bad one, frightening funny is a good bad. No, no, I think snorifying is the good one. And I would like to say, in answer to your question, I like this movie, I like it a little just slightly less than the original orphan, which I think looks better. And even though I like Julius Styles a lot in this movie, I think the cast is a whole

is stronger in the first movie. But this is fun. It's a very much like a three-act movie where it's like the first act is the movie you have basically seen before. The middle act is Julia Stiles and Esther sort of having their battle of wills, and in the last is the actual big climactic stuff. And I kind of wish that the middle part of the movie was extended to shorten the other two parts, because that's the most fun part to me where it's like yeah what a What is any character relationship for these characters to have and let's see them try and you know maneuver within this

Yeah, I I also I also like the movie more than thought it was I didn't see the first orphan and I find that This is me being a snob, I guess, but I'm just having trouble with modern movies right now. It's hard for me to find modern movies that I'm having fun with. I see a handful every year, but especially with horror movies, I'm feeling like Dan, when you see a lot, you kind of know the twist coming up.

So I didn't see the first one. But I enjoyed it, and I kind I wish that that middle of act two twist was the end of act one twist, basically. On the other hand, that's a lot of cat and mouse that they'd have to figure out. And they might run out of steam. And you'd end up with like a 70 minute movie, which wouldn't be terrible, I guess.

But I actually, I ended up enjoying it. Once that twist hit and the movie kicked into gear, I was like, now I'm enjoying this movie. And I would say if you want to watch a real, real over the top, you know, horrory movie, go for it. Orphan, first kill, technically not the first kill. Yeah, I, as I said, I like this movie. I think it's good.

I feel like if they'd extended it, like they could have had more scenes of things like introducing her to rich people. And she's has to like, you know, navigate while Julia Styles is also trying to mess with her. I do like, there's a party scene at one point where an old lady is like, now that you're not kidnapped anymore, do you have any plans? And I'm like, she's 11, dude. She doesn't have plans. Watch cartoons. The one thing they didn't do that they could have done with that is have her go to school. That's the thing that, and there's part of me that's kind of like glad they didn't do that because she's going to go, someone's going to bully her, she's going to threaten

the bully or whatever. Like there's not that, I don't know. And that happened in the first movie. There was a bully kid and she like pushed the kid and broke her leg. And Hallie, what did you think? Yeah, I mean, I kept asking myself, like, would this movie work if it weren't Julia Styles in that role? And it were just someone that I didn't recognize? I feel like your goodwill toward Julia Styles does so much work. That's true. I'll give you that.

But I liked it. Yeah, I liked it. What was I going to say? I'm just looking. Oh, wait, guys. I mean, that's a mom. Yeah, that's a mom. I'm going to kill though. Yeah, yeah.

As a mom, I would kill. I would hide the death of one child, if my other child. To save the other child. Yeah. OK. So I, well, it's a choice you'll have to make when you get to it. I don't know how it throws that bridge in. We all face that choice.

I only just found out. So the actor plays the detective, hero Kanagawa. I didn't realize he also played a detective in 50 Shades Freed, which we watched the floppers. They're not, they don't. I watched that, I think. Yeah, yeah, I think so. And I think we did a live show about it.

Yeah. I think, I'm not sure. But we, yeah, we didn't, we, uh, we didn't, they don't have the same name, but, I think and I think we did a live show about it. Yeah, but I think I mean I'm not sure But we yeah, we uh we didn't they don't have the same name, but now I wonder is this a way we could tie them together and make the 50 shades and Orphan universe is the same and does that mean it's time for a What's his name gray Christian Gray is that his name Christian Gray and and orphan crossover? Yeah, they adopt Esther. I assume yeah, yeah, they adopt Esther, I assume. Yeah, they adopt Esther and she learns a little bit about them and they learn a little bit about her.

Oh no, there's another daddy, fertile and lovely. Exactly. I think he needs to unlock all of the sexual prowess bubbling beneath the surface. He's never been able to express. Yeah, it's gonna. Okay, now I'm gonna go. Now I'm in the grossed out by him or what? Oh to express. It's going to. OK, now I'm going to go.

Now I'm going to go to the gross value of I'm more. Oh, right. I'm going to go to the line. Move on. Elliot, why don't you give us an ad that you're going to read? You got it. I think it's for Squarespace. It is indeed for Squarespace.

That's right, everybody. We're not just sponsored by Iki feelings that we bring up, and then we decide that it's better not to explore them. We're also sponsored by Squarespace. Not Squarespace, I'm sorry. That's the way you split this. Yeah, I know how it feels.

Yeah, that's if you take all the curves off of Leapace, you end up with Squarespace. I'm sorry, now I'm Dan all of a sudden. Okay, we're also sponsored by Squarespace. You know Squarespace, you love it. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform for building your brand and growing your business online. Look, you can use it to make beautiful websites that really stand out. You can use it to engage with your audience on the internet. The place we're all going to live anywhere someday. And you can sell anything, your products, the content

you create. Even your time, did you know you could sell your time? You only have a certain amount of it, but Square space will help you sell off that excess time. You don't want anymore. Square space, it's very easy to use, Dan. I believe you have personal experience with making your own personal website on Squarespace. I did. I don't know if anyone ever looks at it, but it exists if you want to look at it.

Look at it, people. What's the URL, Dan? That will make it easier for them to find. I think it's Dan McQuay writer.com. I've looked at it. It's a beautiful looking site. It made me want to make my own site on Squarespace, and I just haven't gotten to do it yet,

but I really want to do it. I think that Dan has now colonized the digital village with his own little piece of himself that will live on forever, long after he's gone until the link decays. Anyway, so you can use this to get business for yourself, and use it to make your mark in the internet, to get your projects or products out there. You can create an online store, whether it's physical or digital

products, Squarespace has the tools you need to start selling online. You can create professional level video effortlessly. That's right. With the Squarespace Video Studio app, you can make and share engaging videos. You can tell your story with it, you can roll your audience, you can reach out and connect because that's what the internet is all about. Connections and Squarespace can help you. Virtual Real Estate, it just means being on the internet and Squarespace can help you do that. So okay, go over to Squarespace right now, go to squarespace.com slash flop,

you can get a free trial of Squarespace to make your own website, you're gonna need it. It's the future, again, we're all gonna live there. And when you're ready to launch, just use the offer code, flop to save 10%. I'll have your first purchase of a website or domain, again, that's squarespace.com slash flop. Use it. You can get 10% off with the promo code, flop. And if you're listening and you want to feel like you're sitting in a giant car rather than a regular size car than maybe microdosing is right for you. Our show today is sponsored by microdose gummies. Microdose gummies deliver perfect entry-level

doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. I can be a bit of a a tempestuous person emotionally. And sometimes a microdose, look at me helps chill me out. So maybe that's one thing. You could use it too. Do as well. Microdose is available nationwide.

And to learn more about microdosing THC, go to microdose.com and use code flop to get free shipping and 30% off your first order. Links can be found in the show description, but again, that is micridoest.com code flop. Uh-oh, and what's this? It looks like we have ourselves a jugga jugga jumbo tron. That's right, okay, and it goes like this.

Goblin is a unique D12 role-playing game about a race of goblins banished to a post-apocalyptic Earth. Since goblins eat trash and don't know what radiation is, they have a blast as they scrounge for loot, feud with mutants, and constantly find and prevent new ways of blowing themselves up. The book offers all you need to get started, littered with laughable lore and comical classes to bring out your inner goblin. You can find it at DriveThruRPG or just visit goblin.house. So check out goblin, the goblin RPG by going to goblin.house. The Goblin RPG by going to goblin.house. Hello Dreamers, this is Evan and Denton, CEO of the only world class, fully immersive theme

resort, Steeple Chase. You know I've been seeing more and more reports on the blogs that are beloved, Park, simply isn't safe anymore. I'm gonna wreck it. They say they got mugged by brigands in the fantasy kingdom of a femuror or hijacked by space pirates and infinite item. I mean, I could have a knife. My papa said that I needed to do a crime.

Friends, I'm here to reassure you that it's all part of the show. These criminals were really just overzealous staff trying to make things a little more magical for our guests. We're just as safe as we've always been. This is an accounting fair, dreamers. This is Steeple Chase. The Adventure Zone.

Every Thursday, at MaximumFund.org. Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of bringing life back from the dead. From Orpheus and Euredice to Frankenstein's monster, resurrection has long been merely the stuff of myth, fiction, and fairy tale, until now. Actually, we still can't bring people back from the dead. That would be crazy, but the Dead Pilot Society podcast has found a way to resurrect great dead comedy pilots from Hollywood's finest writers. Every month, Dead Pilot Society brings you a reading of a comedy pilot that was sold and developed, but never produced, performed by the funniest actors from film and television.

How does Dead Pilots Society achieve this miracle? The answer can only be found at MaximumFun.org. Let us now go to the letter segment. Come with me. To the lettuce segment. Hey everybody, here's where we talk about lettuce. Howie, what's your favorite kind of lettuce? Red bromane.

Red? Red? Oh, I can't say that I like arugula. No, spicy. I like arugula as well. Anytime I get slain with arugula on it, I go, oh, I didn't want this. Arugula. Well, I mean, is it like, are you thinking of like a pizza or something?

Cause like that. I like it on a pizza. I like it on a sandwich. I like it on a sandwich. Oh, I love it on a sandwich. Oh, Arugula. I guess I would have to see my favorite kind of, my favorite kind of lettuce is probably Italian wedding soup.

Mm-hmm, interesting. It's a delicious soup. Let's move on to that. Watercress. Now that. That is the most nutrient rich. Yeah, watercress is good, yeah. Sure.

I like it. I like it kind of a bitter green. Anyway, let's, we want to letters now that we've talked about lettuce. Ha ha. This is from Lila. Who writes? Lila's lettuce letter.

Who writes haypeaches? Lasttuce Letter. Who writes, hey, peaches. Last night I had a hankering for one of my favorite comfort movies, Big Eden. A sweet and tidy, inclusive, small town rom-com that served me well for over a decade. However, the second to the last scene features a crime so heinous, it almost ruins the movie for me every single time. Widow Thayer makes a batch of her famous cottage cheese and sour cream pancakes, and the main love interest, whom the viewer has also come to love dearly, takes a huge bite,

and then, mouth wide open, he belly laughs for an absurdly long time. A sadistic cameraman slow zooms in on his mouthful of horrible, half-tued, hot, soft cheese. It is in a front that language cannot convey. Do you have any movies that you love that are or are very nearly ruined by a single, horrible choice? Love you guys, Lila. I don't know if you have any thoughts on this matter.

It's tough for me to say, to talk about movies I love that I feel like a bit ruined or almost ruined by some. Well, I remember there was a movie Stewart that you thought would have been made much better if they hadn't made the choice to not have the character rip is ding dong off. That's true, almost ruined. I mean, I know Dan's favorite movie, The Kingsman, is almost ruined by a very weird anal sex

joke right at the end. That was, I have to watch that movie to really confirm that that exists because my mom loves that movie. And I hate to hurt so hard for me to imagine. I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm'm not gonna argue for that scene or against that scene. I just find that the movie is so wildly interested in, you know, sort of offending in like, in like, oh, cheeky edgy way that like,

I understand why people knocked up against the scene, but I'm just like, I don't know, what were you expecting out of the kigsmen? Yeah. It's based on a Mark Miller comic, isn't it? Come on. Oh no. Or what about a, oh, there's that movie, Baby Driver that makes the mistake of casting

Kevin Spacey in it. And Anselaugh Gord. Oh, true. They didn't know that those were mistakes at the time, but there's a lot of people on the board about Kevin Space for a long time. Kevin, that's true. Kevin Space, they knew about for a long time. That's fair.

I mean, I didn't know about it, but I'm not, I don't travel in those circles. I think I might have talked about this before on the podcast. My favorite movie of all time, The Taking Pelaman 2.3 that I love so much, it has the scene where Walter Mathau is showing around the Japanese visitors. And it's like, and it's supposed to be a scene where he gets hit. He's being rude and he gets his comeuppance, but it comes off as a racist scene. It just comes off as the movie kind of like having you in on the joke that Walter Mathau is making.

And that's, it's a very unpleasant moment and a very unpleasant scene. And it's one where, it's my favorite movie of all time, but every time that scene comes up, I like cringe. And then I wait for it to be over. And then I'm like, okay, let's get back to the New Yorkers yelling at each other, you know? Now that reminds me, and I wish they had not, and there's no, it's not like that's it. It's not a necessary scene. So it's, I wish they had not chosen to show a Walter Mathau in that, and the whole point is Walter Mathau's kind of a slug and a loser, but I wish they had shown it in a different way You know that reminds me that Audrey has a big poster of like a foreign poster for breakfast at Tiffany's that she doesn't want to put up because like

You know, she's an Asian woman herself and because it's just Mickey Rooney's character Well, that's like and she loves the movie except for the part that everyone hates which is Mickey Rooney's terrible Yeah, Asian caricature that is just, why is this in this movie? Not only is it racist, it is a completely different tone from the rest of the film. And then the poster is him captured perfectly by the brush of Drew Sturz and- Oh, she just doesn't want to, I know.

It's one of Drew's in representative of these. Why did she get the poster? I mean, she just loves the movie, like other than that, but like, she has that as she's a poster for Annie Hall and she like sometimes looks sadly at them and like, can never hang these up. I think, I think when Woody Allen's not alive anymore, she'll be able to hang that Annie Hall poster up.

Wow, okay. I don't have anything. I don't, I can't, I mean, I was just starting to think of something that like, I feel like, I don't have anything. I don't, I can't, I mean, I was just starting to think of something that like I feel like I don't understand. I feel like Andrew Garfield is so silly. So I was trying to think of a movie that Andrew Garfield is in that would have been way better. Had he not been cast in it. But I avoid Andrew Garfield stuff because he's so like I like Andrew Garfield. What do you think is so silly about him is hair? Garfield stuff because he's so I like I like Andrew Garfield. What do you think is so silly about him is hair? He's tall. No, he's just like did you watch the I know it's not a movie But did you watch the under the banner of heaven? No my wife watch it, but I haven't watched it

He was so silly He was just like Over the top and just like I was watching and I was like I can't believe this is a famous actor. This is bizarre. Yeah. So I've liked him in a lot of the, I remember seeing, I first saw him in the imaginary of Dr. Parnassus and I was like, I like this guy. And I haven't quite liked him as much since then,

but I still like him. This is funny to me that, this is such a specific vendetta that Halley has. And, but it's like very Halley, because he's like, he's just too silly. The whole time you're watching Hexor Ridge, you're like, come on, goofball. I know, that's the thing.

He's so over the top about moments that are supposed to, like, there's no subtlety. It's just like, wow. They cast him as Spider-Man. You're making this Spider-Man silly. That is the thing that, that is the winning thing about no way home is that he is so silly as Spider-Man.

That's, I'll give you that. I, in, but even, I guess you should see Tick-Tick Boom and see if you think that silliness works for that very kind of like a meldramatic character. But I hate the idea of that movie. Okay, then you probably shouldn't see. He's very good in a bad movie. Yeah. I don't even think it's that bad a movie. And then you probably shouldn't see. He's very good in a bad movie. I don't think it's that bad a movie. I think it's the eight, but it's the it's a movie that is like hanging

out with a bunch of musical theater people where it's like you may not have any tolerance for it. Yeah, that's a yeah. I is a movie that succeeds amazingly well at getting creating the experience of being around musical theater. Like that Mike Barbigley on movies about improv. You turned it on, like Audrey suggested that we watch it. And I was enjoying it okay. Like I did, but she immediately was like, can we turn this off? You know?

Oh, this is because I like was a theater kid and she has no patience for the best. There's that scene where it's like a, it's like a brunch at the diner and everyone in the diner is a famous musical theater person. And it's one of that scene where it's like a brunch at the diner and everyone in the diner is a famous musical theater person. And it's one of those things where it's like, well, you could just lift this scene right out of the window.

There's no way. It's just the Easter. It's the musical theater equivalent of a pip the troll and star Fox showing up at the end of eternal. Yes. Okay. We've got one more letter I want to get to. This is from Anthony Lastname with H with held who writes. Dear floppers. Dear, Halle, this is the only way I can talk to you.

We're in trouble. Our kids are killing our community. I this isn't how I wanted to tell you, but one of our kids killed the other kid and I'm hiding it. No, Anthony writes, dear floppers, the three of you and Halle are suddenly turtles who are blessed with gifts of Ninja Tzu. Okay, it's an original premise, but all right. Which one of you quote leads, who quote does machines, who is quote cool but rude, and which one of you is a quote party dude? I feel like this is not a difficult question,

but maybe you guys should go first before I slot us into those ones. But I feel like it's fairly clear to me, I don't know. Well, yeah, I mean, I feel like I have to get the Leonardo. Yeah, you're the leader. And I mean, so we get to get to Donald's Donatello by default. I do machines.

Yeah, I was trying to think, I feel like which one is me and which one is me. I think Halley is cool, but rude. And I think Stuart is the party, dude. Yeah. Okay. So there you go. But the ironic thing is, in this version of it,

I'm what do your fan art people? But I'm probably the rudest member of the group just in terms of interrupting and talking over other people. Yeah. So it should be like a rude Donatello, the cool part, which is a switch. Don't look that up on her dictionary. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to say I'm cool. I'm totally not. That's the problem. You're just grumping about how you can't watch modern movies anymore. Too many of them about rich people. Yeah. Well, I think what you know what it really is, I shouldn't take the, I push in with my modern movies. I no longer have the time in my life to seek out things as much as I once did. And I'm not loving where mainstream filmmaking is at,

which I don't think anyone is because it's it's it's it's doing some low key marketing for triangle of sadness right now. I don't even know what that is. So new movie by the guy who made force measure and it's okay. It's basically it's basically a send up but it's got Woody Harrelson in it would send up of rich people. Yeah, the way the new festival. I think see I don't know any of these things anymore. I used to know that kind of stuff. So now the only movies I hear about are the old movies or foreign movies that, the algorithms that know I like that stuff send to me

or whatever movies are being advertised on buses, which is usually the biggest, you know, the biggest movie there, it's uncharted, you know, or something like that, you know. The buses uncharted? That's the, no, no, no, it's going. No, no, it's not know. The bus is uncharted. That's, that's, that's, no, no, no, it's going. No, no, it's not a chartered bus is what I'm saying.

It's an uncharted bus, yeah. Oh, okay. Hey, let's go, let's move on to the final segment. This, now I'm editing a bus where on the frontwards, we'll see where it goes, just this question mark, question mark. All right, I'm trying to look at this bus. Yeah, it's like hitting the,

I feel lucky button on Google. Let's move on to the final segment where we recommend things that you watch in addition to this say if this movie struck your fancy. And the first door is off the table, right? I can't recommend the first one. You can do whatever you want. Hey, it's 2020 to my podcast. Let me quickly recommend because it's, my recommendation is a good bad thing.

It's called Creating Rim Lazar. That's obviously clearly Rim Lazar is spelled REM, L-E-Z-A-R. I don't know how anyone can be confused. We all know, of course, famous character, Rim Lazar. This is a 48 minute movie from... Keep talking. From 1989, that is just like a nutty artifact. It feels at any moment like it could become a horror movie. It could be a PSA for something.

It has these two kids who both have an imaginary friend named Rhymlazar and they realize like, oh, if we both have the same imaginary friend, that means that must exist, right? And they build a mannequin and bring him to life. Of course, and then there's a lot of songs about Rhymnazar, who like not since Katz has there been such a thing where it's like, we're gonna act like this word

means something to you, whereas, you know, and Katz is jellical. Here, it's just like, we're gonna sing about this character, but never make it clear what this character's deal is. Like, when Audrey was watching with me, she was like, who's rimless are? And I'm like, that guy, that guy's rimless are. And she's just be like, no, but what is he?

Like, what's his deal? I'm like, he's just rimless are, man. Like, that's all he is. And it's got all these great old 80s video effects and weird songs. And so if you like something dumb to watch and you don't want to commit to a whole two hour running time worth of dumb, the Remla's creating Remla's R is a good option. I'm going to recommend two movies because I got to recommend a horror movie. That's right. So because it's shotqtober, I am recommending a movie called Glorious that is currently playing on shutter. It's a shorty. I don't, I think it's like 80 minutes

or something. Steve talking. It stars Ryan Quentin. You know the brother from Trueblood with the abs and he is stuck in a rest stop bathroom. And he is talking to a sentient evil glory hole voiced by J.K. Simmons. That's pretty wacky and pretty gross. It does have a twist at the end. I just got to warn you, I guess there's a twist at the end

that I think makes the movie less good. So I guess this also fits. Yeah, question. It also fits this also fits. Yeah, question. It also fits the other thing. A themed recommendation. Yep. But the movie, my main recommendation, that's right, two recommendations with four people.

What are we doing? I'm gonna recommend the Woman King. Woman King. Stuart has been texting us about the Woman King ever since he saw it. And sometimes it's just a text that says, Woman King. been texting us about the woman king ever since he saw it. And sometimes it's just a text that says woman king. Yep, so this is a movie playing in theaters. It is a historical action epic drama directed by Gina Prince Bythwood who directed the old guard from a year or two ago that was great. It is, it feels, in some ways it feels like a throwback

to like the 90s era of historical action movies. Unfortunately, many of which starred Melgibs. And, but this one, this one is very much from like a female gaze all the women of whom they are all awesome and badass are like never portrayed in a way that's like I don't know like They're never shot in a way that's intentionally sexy The sexy people of course are John Boiega who is very pretty and

Violet Davis is fucking yoked. She looks amazing. I don't know what that means means that she is stacked. She's like I don't know super rich stacked. Oh something different. I think she's mussely. She looks amazing. She's like, I don't know. Super rich stacked to make something different. I think she's mussely. She looks amazing. Mussely. And Lashana Lynch gives fucking amazing scene stealing, star making performance. She's great. She's been a bunch of stuff and this is the first time where she really got to like shine.

At least first thing that I've seen, she's really got to shine. So woman king, a lot of fun. Nice. But if it's funny if I recommended the movie shine. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why I guess.

I mean, generally, what is it? Why? Would you like to go next or should I go next, Tally? Uh, I don't care. I'll go next. Having said that I was having trouble with modern movies, finding them, I did recently see a modern movie that I liked a lot. I finally got to see, uh, passing the Rebecca Hall movie starring Tessa Thompson and Ruth

Naga, Naja. I don't know exactly how her name is pronounced. That's set in the 1920s in Harlem and it's about a woman who finds that a woman that she grew up with is passing as white, as married a white husband and her family does not know about it. And that the her old friend starts kind of coming in and taking over, not taking over, but infiltrating more and more of her life as she finds the life that she missed.

And I really liked a lot. I think it looks beautiful. And it's, I like what it does with sound. It's a very quiet movie that doesn't feel the need to have a lot of sound or a lot of music on screen. And I just thought it was really good. I enjoyed a lot. That's passing.

It's a sad movie, but a good movie. And you know what guys? Sometimes a sad movie, but a good movie. And you know what guys, sometimes a sad movie can be good for you. Oh, okay. Allie. I wanna recommend the movie Shine. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. is a trampoline involved in shine. Yeah, he's jumping up and down with just a trench coat on. There's an end of clothes right on traveling. Okay, so that's the movie where, and then Bob Burn the creator of Mystery Men said, I have my villain for the Mystery Men movie.

Look at his grace on that trampoline. Okay, so my recommendation is, is really a defense of a movie that's not that good, but I was shocked when I saw it because I, everything I've read about it said it was terrible, and it was just not terrible. Okay. It was just kind of okay, which is, but, you know, I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I have children. So I'm watching a lot of studio Ghibli's movies, and I'd mention this to you, Elliott. Earwig and the Witch, have you guys seen it? No, I haven't seen it yet. I have heard the consensus though that this is like, oh, a misfire from Jeb Lee or whatever.

Yeah, but I, it looks really different. And at first I was like, oh, I don't like it because it looks different. But then I was like, but I like how it looks, even though it looks different. And you know, it's got all kinds of spooky imagery. I don't know, I think a, I think a Gabriel might like it. Okay, he does love spooky stuff, yeah.

Worms, let's have worms. worms. Okay. I love worms. Yeah We have we have them here at the house. I think I'll get all the full of them That's a result of I like the flurry and death metal A way of processing your isolation. Yeah, there is a bit of a metal aspect to it a sport. Oh cool You might like that in that the television you're watching aspect to it, Stewart. Oh cool. You might like that. In that the television you're watching it on has metal parts. Oh, that's a little bit of trivia about your television. Okay.

My television's made out of flesh and I insert the VHS tape through my tummy button. The new flesh. Yeah. That's very new flesh. Yeah, of course it's new flesh. That's like in the Hewitt Lewis song song, who is I want a new flesh. So I can put a tape in my belly. Bam, bam.

I'm the little girl who starts in the main character in your wig in the which is very naughty. And you're at first or like, is she supposed to be bad? Are we supposed to not like her? But then you were rooting for her. You're on her side. So it's really different from a lot of Miyazaki movies when there's like, their little girls are like perfect

and you know, just struggling with like, whatever. Be better at writing. Or being in a new house or something. Yeah. There's just a lot like Orphan first killed that way, a naughty girl that you come to sympathize with. Exactly.

Wow. And her hair makes her look like a near wig. Oh, cool. Well, that's the story of October. And is the title supposed to sound like head wig in the Angry Inch? Yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah. And that's five movies we recommended

plus the first orphan, that's six recommendations. That's a full weekend worth of fl and shine. We confirmed the existence of yeah. Yeah. Um, does he play the piano in it? Yes. He's a famous pianist. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. He's like, he's like, he's really made an impression on me. He's all that because he shines while playing the piano. Yeah, like as vampire, like a modern day vampire in the light. Yeah. He dreams of, he wants to play the rock mononovs third symphony, the rock three, they call it over and over again.

So why doesn't he just use a rock three razor blade? Uh-huh. Anyway. But because it has three blades on a piano. It's really heavy. Really, I'll just shave. That's why Dan has a beard. I have to rub my face against the razor rather than the traditional method.

It's very hard. Anyway, so that's the flop house. You haven't heard it before now you know uh... now you have how is that always here but she frequently as well or it will be always like to see her and so does the audience hey hey howley i don't know you want to say anything else

before we go having me guys great to see elliott in person and it's short and then on a computer and how you do you have anything to promote? No Sorry, I asked sorry You know your mom. That's what you're promoting right that and No, I wouldn't promote that

You would warn people about it Amazing Well, okay for the flop house, thank you for listening. Go to maxfun.org. Maximumfun.org, even, for other podcasts. If you want us to go to the website, yeah. You'll probably have more luck than the wrong address, I originally said. And thank you to Howell Daudy, Alex Smith, Howell Daudy on Twitter, for our production and editing.

Do you want to tease Dan our recent, our upcoming appearance on Howell Daudy's Fast Track? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we, I'm not sure when it's gonna be released sometime in October because it's spooky season. We did a guest spot on Alex's show, Fast Track, and that's a show where we write a song in half an hour. We don't write the music. Alex writes the music because we don't know shit about that. But we write the words and we did a sort of a novelty romance song. Yeah. It was kind of loosely inspired by one

of my celebrity hall passes. Yeah. You know, easily top three celebrity hall pass. Yeah. Sure. Sure. It's a monster related love story. Let's just say that. So we'll, we'll hear that soon. But now I will sign off for the flat pass. I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Ellie Kaylin. And I'm Halle Haglund. So Dan, who are your top three celebrity, who's your celebrity hall pass? I'll take that answer off the air.

I was just telling Ellie that there's a lot of projectile vomiting going on in my house. Yeah, I don't know. Is that us? Boogie season? It's all like an extra-sus-bit. Yeah, we just, we set it up and it's very dirty and smelly, but you know, it's worth it. It's so scary. Uh-huh.

I don't know. I don't know why. I was picking my kid up the other day because he was said he felt sick and I was like, do we need to go to the bathroom? And I picked him up and he just vomited all over me. Like it was like down my back in my bra. And then I went to say, are you okay?

And I opened my mouth and then he vomited. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh, hi!