The Flop House - Ep. #453 - Love Hurts

Episode Date: June 7, 2025

Love DOES hurt. For instance, we love and only want the best for Everything Everywhere All at Once comeback king Ke Huy Quan, but then we have to witness him struggle through a movie like Love Hurts. Fortunately he comes off all right. The movie itself? Not so much. But hey, looks like he's got Zootopia 2 and a movie from the guy who made Rare Exports coming up. Maybe those will be good!Wikipedia page for Love HurtsRecommended in this episode:Dan: Summer of 69 (2025)Stu: The Order (2024)Elliott: Pee-wee as Himself (2025)

On this episode we discuss love hurts love bites love bleeds. It's bringing me to my knees deaf leopard Thanks the Oxford familiar deaf leopards quotations Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington and here at the Flophouse, wait, who's that over there? Over the hill. Guys, guys, guys, don't, oh, sorry, I was late, it's me, Elliot Kalin. Oh, sorry, I almost didn't make it. But there's time now, there's time at last.

Uh-huh, there's all the time in the world. Just don't break your podcasting glasses. Okay, what do we do here? Hold on. This is a podcast where we watch a movie that was either a critical or commercial flop, and then we talk about it on this episode. This is what I finally understand. Yeah, finally.

Actually, that's probably the most succinct summary of the show you've ever done. I know, but we're going to get up by talking about it now. Okay, let's not praise you, sure. I'll come to Barry Dan, not to praise him. Hand me that shovel. Yeah, Dan's therapist texted me and was like, can you minimize Dan some more? That's what I really need.

That's the problem he has. My therapist, God bless you. Dan's getting too big for his riches. Yeah, we go out for drinks. Dan needs. The problem is too much self-confidence. Yeah, we have by Dan. I'm dying.

I'm saying that, prescribing for Dan what we in the therapy business call a smackdown. How raw is a smackdown? Guys, we've got to talk about love shards, right? So we'll get to it. Love hurts. Oh, right. What did I watch? Whoa. So, this is a, you know, this is part of the Ki-Hee Kwan Assence, the resurgence.

And I just want to say up front, love this guy, loved his child performances, loved him coming back, everything everywhere all at once. I think he comes out of this movie smelling surprisingly good considering how this movie eats up people who I've enjoyed before. But the movie is not that great, not to get ahead of myself. Yeah, Dan's being nice up front because he's gonna be mean and bad.

Well, I'm just like, I feel bad because I like, you know, this is a guy. You know when Dan's complimenting me at the top that he is gonna be a fucking savage during the movie Guy who I have a lot of fondness for who hasn't come back and he's getting you know his starring role But I wish it was a better story, but it's so symptomatic of any time a actor Is an actor that you like wins an Academy Award for a supporting role? Yes

Well because who else is in this movie Ariana DeBose who won the Academy Award for a supporting role. Yes, well because who else is in this movie? Ariana DeBose, who won the Academy Award for a supporting role and has been in crap since then. Like, is Craven. Craven? I call it crappin'. Oh damn, you're the savage one today. Thank you, you have two people experiencing

what I would call the curse of Cuba Gooding. Cuba Gooding Jr. that is, not Cuba Gooding, the musician, his father. But yeah, you're exactly right, Dan, that is, it is exciting to see Juan in a starring role, but you wish it was not this movie, you know? You wish it was not what I'm going to preview, what I'm going to call what feels like a warmed over Tarantino ripoff script from 1996. It's that and it's also a real nobody of a John Wick.

It's all of those things. But anyway, so let's talk about it. That's what we're here for according to what you said earlier. We meet our lead played by Quan, Marvin Gable. He's monologuing about what he loves about Valentine's Day, which is sort of this lame stab at thematic thing for this movie that doesn't amount to much ever. And it's the start of a number of voiceovers that feel very much added in in post.

Yes, I mean, there's a lot of ADR in this movie that is not very good. There's that like, I'm sure they tried their best, but a lot of this movie feels like it was Finessed at a later date for some reason that we can only get is 83 minutes long and it is No one sets out to make an 83 minute movie in the year 2024 2025 Yeah, it is nutty how much like there's clear ADR papering over there like there's scenes where like Ariana DeBose is like just explaining the plot to people who should know it already.

With her back to the camera and you're like, this was all added later. And I will say the movie kind of keeps, and I wonder if there must be a longer cut of it somewhere, but the movie kind of keeps forgetting that love is the theme that it's supposed to be hitting and then remembering it and then in voiceover, really hitting it hard.

And it feels a little bit at times like you're watching a Kid give a book report about a book that they didn't read that closely and every now and then they're like, oh, yeah Oh, and there's there's no dog in it, too The dog is important too. Yeah. Yeah that kind of thing the back cover mentions love. So yeah love is important. Mm-hmm Love her land of contrasts, you know, there's there's many ways you could talk about love hurts my hypothesis is Love helps but it also hurts the kind of economy of love in conclusion. Love hurts is an 83 minute film. Thank you Marvin seems to be a mild-mannered real estate agent. I have to assume that's exactly what he is, Dan.

It couldn't be anything else. No, this is a man you don't want to fuck with. But as we are introduced to him, he's riding around town on his bike, he's recycling bottles, you know, he's getting mad that people will draw mustaches on him on his real estate posters. He seems kind of like a nerd, right?

Yeah. Like a little bit of a, like a boring nerd who's too into his job. And this sort of opening montage is about all we'll get in terms of character development for this character. There's so little setup for why we should care about any of these people, but... I mean, sometimes that's not a bad thing. Like a good movie sometimes uses the shorthand

of our appreciation for the performer to build a character. And like, I am on his side right from the start because I like him. I like this performer, but yeah, they don't give. They don't give even the- It's like Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, right? Yeah, exactly.

I mean, yes and no in that time. The whole joke of Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder is, can you believe Tom Cruise is playing this character? Like that character is doesn't, the joke doesn't work with a performer who's not like Tom Cruise. But the physical transformation, Elliot. Well, that's what I'm saying.

To see that character is not funny unless you're like, that's Tom Cruise underneath all that anti-Semitic makeup that he's wearing right now. And so here they're really playing off, like we know you like this guy, but it makes it hard. I feel like the qualities that make him likeable really fight the idea that as we'll discover he is a Monstrous killing machine when he gets set off Also during this opening just because it briefly comes into play later. I mentioned that there's a private There's a rival real estate guy played by one of the property brothers one. I don't know

I don't want to ask It's either the one who's married to Zoe dishing out of the one who's not Yeah Changed in the attic of all the houses they show on the show and the theme of this real estate guy is that he's got a karate Guy on and he's doing karate. I will say he's a tough guy. I will say I was at first personally offended that a property brother was acting in a movie that I was watching because but at the same I don say, I will say, I was at first personally offended that a Property Brother was acting in a movie that I was watching, but there's something about the height that the Property Brothers achieved

in the entertainment world that seems baffling to me, but I gotta say, he comes off pretty funny in this movie. Yeah, I mean, we'll get to it, but it's a minor hype point of the film. Yeah, he gives maybe the best comedy performance in the film. When one of his characters posters, like we see a glimpse of it, I first was worried it was what, Zachary, Levi, Levy?

And I was like, oh fuck. And then when it wasn't, I was like, hell yeah. Anybody but that dude. Yeah. You know, I'm okay with Property Brothers. This episode's gonna come out after it turns out one of them is a monster or something, but I'm okay with Property Brothers until I learn that. come out after it turns out one of them is a monster or something But I'm okay with property brothers. You know, we won though and you'll never know which one

So you have to have a moment you have a gun and the property brothers are like shoot him. He's the evil property brother We meet his assistant Ashley who's played by Leo Tipton. I'm gonna briefly say This act this performer uses they they them pronouns and in the absence of any evidence that the character doesn't also use such pronouns, I'll try and remember to use them, but I apologize for my brain slips. And of course, I spent the first 10 minutes being like, where do I know them from?

And it was from- America's Next Top Model? I was gonna say Crazy Stupid Love. Oh yeah, yeah. They were the babysitter that was in love with Steve Carell, and Steve Carell's son was in love with them. Yeah. And Ashley. I guess I'm the only one who knew them

from their history as a juvenile figure skater. Oh really? No, I'm just reading that right now in their Wikipedia entry. Oh wow. Well the thing about Ashley is that they aren't as enthusiastic about real estate as Marvin and they're thinking of quitting.

Marvin tries to go in his office and is immediately knocked out by some mysterious person and he wakes up with his hand stabbed to his desk with a knife, which is the sort of injury that would cause so much more pain and trouble than a movie like this acknowledges. That is an injury that looks like it would sever nerves. Like you're losing the use of fingers.

And instead he's just like, ah, and that's it. The other day I was. I'm gonna use it to punch people for the rest of the movie. Oh, that's the movie, yeah. The other day I was taking apart a frozen drink machine and I was unscrewing like a bolt or something using like some pliers.

Uh-huh, so it checks out so far. I managed to pinch the tip of my finger and it like turned into a big blood blister and it was gross, but it was like the amount of pain and then subsequent pain and annoyance for the rest of the next couple days. And that wasn't even a stab through the hand. That was just a mush of a fingertip.

Turns out this stabby knife belongs to a bad poetry writing assassin called the Raven, who throws around little sharp feathers and has blade arms. What's the blade arm part of it? Why is that the Raven? Was that part of Edgar Allan Poe's? I guess it's kind of like... You remember the once upon a midnight dreary,

as I pondered weak and weary, over many quaint periods volume of forgotten lore, a Raven came and slashed my throat. Oh no, I said. Yeah, yeah. But no one heard me. But no one heard. As I came and slashed my throat. Oh, no, I said But no one heard me As I gurgled on my blood Loose as it loose as some scarlet flood and so forth and so forth. Yeah. Yeah He shows Marvin a Valentine that is signed by someone named Rose and the Raven says that Marvin's brother is wondering

Why roses spreading love on Valentine's Day. What's his brother's name? Knuckles. Now, not... And I was like, hell yeah. Not Andraselba. No. This also, and this is something I shouldn't have... Guys, if this movie, the villain, had been an animated video game character, I think I would have liked it more. Yeah, they're still supposed to be brothers.

Because it's only a little bit different from the fact that they're brothers, but one of them has a heavy accent and the other does not, which is an interesting choice. So just go ahead and make them different types of beings. If Fozzie and Kermit can be brothers in the Great Muppet Caper, why not? You know, Quan is Vietnamese and the brother is from Hong Kong, but you know, Hollywood doesn't care.

It's all the same to Hollywood. Yeah. I mean, Quan has played any number of Chinese characters. No, I know. It happens that way often. It's just funny to me. Marvin claims to not know where she is, and we have our first fight,

and we see Marvin uncork his kung fu powers. Now, what do you think about these fights? Because the director of this movie is a fight guy. Like, he's a fight choreography guy. But I found that the fights, I was kind of like, there weren't any that I was like super charged by, super thrilled by, I don't know. I feel like everybody is capable.

I think the, it does feel like it's shot and then sped up. I could be wrong, but there was something that felt a little bit off, like enhanced with the fight sequences. I think the fights are pretty good. They are mostly sort of the first level, though. I mean, they're good fight choreography, but they don't have something else going on

except for one that I'll single out soon. Okay. But... There's not a lot of inventiveness, right? It's a lot of blocks, kicks. They're not using their settings a huge amount. I mean, I think a lot of the problem, too, though, is also, you don't care about these characters and it doesn't build.

Like, I was going to get to it later, but Rose keeps saying, I need you to be the man you were. I'm like, I don't know, man. He seems like he's basically the same throughout the whole thing He's a little more concerned about not killing people at the beginning The is at the end, but it's not such a difference in his brutality that you're like. Oh, yeah now he's really unleashed The beast is out. Yeah, you know which I think is a problem. It should build but Anyway, they do and they also do that,

I will say they also do the thing, which is always funny where there's a group, later on there's a group of people attacking him and they all, you can see they're all kind of waiting their turn to get in, because that's the way it's set up, you know? Yeah. So he's able to knock the Raven out

without anyone in the office party going on. Guys, you're a goon, you would probably wait for your turn, right? Because you're like, I've got all these fucking moves I've been practicing. I don't want to like bump into Jerry or whatever while he's writing this, dude. It's just goon professionalism and respect.

You let the first guy have his shot, then you take your shot. You're not going to horn in on his fight territory. Yeah, sure, sure. Well, cause you gotta work with these goons, you know? Yes, exactly. Maybe you don't have a fucking vibe with someone else, you know? Yeah, if you're not gonna get murdered in this fight, then you're gonna have to see

this guy tomorrow. The person you're fighting, you may never see them again. So who's the priority? Yeah, exactly. That's a good point. So Marvin goes to his buff... And by goon, you mean like a fighting thug. You don't mean someone who just masturbates a lot on the internet.

Uh-huh, yeah. I mean, you can be both. That's a good point. You gotta fill time between those fights. So Marvin goes over to his boss's office, Cliff, played by Sean Astin, so we get a goonies meeting. It's a regoonie. Speaking of goons.

You're right, goons back again. So what if the goonies was about kids discovering masturbation for the first time? I mean, if you look at the movie from a certain angle. Oh, interesting. The treasure hunt is really a metaphor for the treasure of our own bodies. And hunting is what makes that. Rather than being like, oh, you know, they saw the Fratellis influence and they're like,

oh, I could be a goon in my career. Oh, I see. I should start beating people up and pushing them out of their houses or whatever. Yeah. So Cliff gives him a frame cigarette certificate. Frame cigarette, he says Elvis once held this cigarette. That's why I framed it. Yeah. I feel sick. A frame certificate naming him Regional Realtor of the Year,

which really touches Marvin. He hugs Cliff and he's like, you've changed me. You've turned my life around. And he borrows Cliff's car to get out of there. This is also really cool, because Sean Astin wears this big 10 gallon hat, and he has this like act of like a Texas guy, which added to my questions of like,

where the fuck is this movie supposed to take place? Yeah, because the license plate on his car says Wisconsin. Yeah, and apparently it is Wisconsin, is where it's supposed to be set. It was all shot in Canada. Yeah, so I think- People don is where it's supposed to be set. It was all shot in Canada. People don't move from one state to another. No, but it is an interesting choice to have a guy who's like, I'm from Texas, I'm a cowboy,

here I am in Wisconsin. But I do like that his office walls mostly have cowboy hats hanging on them. And just imagine, does he wear those or are those just his display hats? That was a touch that I did like give a character one thing and have them do it to the nth degree Yeah, yeah well again speaking of goons two goons named Otis and King are watching the office outside King is a Played by Marshawn Lynch after his star-making turn in bottoms. Yeah I think he I think he's one of the ones who comes off best in this too.

I think so too. He's fun. He has like a naturalness about him. Like he has, he just like, I don't know how big his range is, but he's got so much charisma and he seems like a real person who wandered into this very fake movie.

Yeah, so he was the person that my older son was most excited about being in the movie. He didn't watch this with me. But when Love Hurts was coming out, my older son kept saying, MarShawn Lynch is in that movie. He's like one of the best players ever. Marshawn, I said, he goes, what movie are you watching for this episode? Love Hurts with Marshawn Lynch. So he was very excited that Marshawn Lynch has a movie career. What's he play? What's he playing? What's his game? Magic?

Yeah, yeah. He's one of the greatest Magic the Gathering players there ever was. Overwatch? Is he an e-gamer? Yeah, yeah. He's one of the greatest Pinnacle players in America right now. Oh, wow. If you look at? Yeah, yeah. He's one of the greatest pinnacle players in America right now. Oh wow. If you look at the rankings, yeah. Yeah. Cribbage.

Yeah, he's a bridge master. Man, fuck. So he's like good at the thing in the newspaper, right? The little bridge, bridge puzzles. Yes, he actually writes those, yeah. Yeah. Everyone's favorite part of the paper. I hope it never goes away.

That's one of those things like having a court artist instead of a photographer that I love that we still do it. I love the newspaper still gives people as a bridge column. Never get rid of that. When the news, when being a reporter has been banned by the government and Trump rounds up all the journalists and puts them into camps, I hope that he gives special attention to the bridge columnists and the bridge columnist gets extra rations of crusty bread Or he bans the bridge column and that's what finally sparks the revolution. He pushed too far. Yeah, exactly Well, anyway

Marshawn Lynch's King Otis the other one is upset because he's having trouble with his wife at home That's sort of a subplot. This is kind of a subplot that's tied to the theme of love But it's their conversations are, very sub-pulp fiction to hitmen having conversations. It's like the classic hitmen that are talking about modern psychology. Yeah, exactly. They see Marvin leave, so they call to report back

to returning Flophouse fave, Cam Guijande. Yep. Oh, yeah. He's playing Rene Merlo. They haven't seen him in years at the Flophouse, right? No, it's been a long time. He's playing Renny Merlo. We haven't seen him in years at the Flat House, right? No, he's been a long time. He's been only making good movies. Renny's in some sort of mob lair. He tells the goons to follow Marvin Miblovan Rose and meanwhile he'll keep Knuckles in

the dark. And why is one of Knuckles' own men keeping him in the dark? We'll find out. After this. Hi. Are you worried about the lack of snails in your house? If that's a problem, get Snailby here, the only snail bait guaranteed to attract

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God damn it. I needed that. Anyway, Knuckles wanted to wants to find Rose because she knows where some as yet unexplained money that was stolen came from. Rose knows. Renny seems upset that Knuckles sent Raven to find her because he wants to find her for his own reasons. Okay. Dan, it sounds like we're in a hilarious and exciting scramble of characters. Well, you know what?

It should be. And I got to say, all this plotting is clearer with me explaining it than it is in the movie, even though they do a lot of explaining of things. And also, Knuckles is drinking boba tea, which he loves, which I mentioned, because it will become, unlikely as it seems, a plot point later on. Do one thing and do it to Yann's degree, like Stuart said. And his thing is boba.

Yeah, he's a boba nut. Anyway, Knuckles, boba Fett's he's Boba nut. Um anyway Boba Fett's cousin Not all wants to find out all why Marvin didn't kill Rose like he was ordered to So he wants Rose alive even though he's like she stole from you. You got a killer Boba nuts ships called the slave fun King he's the greatest bounty hunter slash party clown in the galaxy King and of course he captures fun solo. But that's what he does. Fun solo. That's what you're doing when you're gooning fun solo.

Yeah, yeah. That's when you do it without guide wires or whatever. Yeah, when you're masturbating, when you're going through imperial customs. Do you have a last name? No. Well, who are you masturbating with? No one? Fun solo. Thank God they explained that. Yeah. We needed to know where the term came from. I guess masturbation can be fun.

For me, it's deadly serious, guys. It's a game of cat and mouse between you and your penis. But who's the cat and who's the mouse? We'll find out in the end, I hope. Masturbation can be fun, join the holy orgy. That's hair. Anyway. Oh, I forgot about that. King and Otis catch up to Marvin at his house and it turns out they're the enforcers who

replaced Marvin in the outfit. And they ask where Rose is and they have a big fight where this is the aforementioned thing where I think there's a little bit of an extra level that I enjoyed where he's trying to protect His realtor of the years and certificate and also not too much. He's not trying to kill these And there's one moment in this that I do like where they close him in a refrigerator then pick up the refrigerator and then throw It across the room and then he falls out of the refrigerator and like that's I'm like, okay That's something I've been seeing a character in a refrigerator get thrown around since Crystal Skull, so. I mean, and it helps that Keehoi Kwan is like,

not a huge dude, so they can take advantage of his. That's the thing I think they start doing and they don't really take enough advantage of is the fact that it feels like the joke of the movie, or the exciting thing about the movie is that he does not look, I mean, the same with like nobody, right? He's not a guy who looks like he would be a does not look I mean the same with like nobody right he's Not a guy who looks like he would be a super tough fighter who can win these fights just because he's a smaller guy

And so having the fun of it would be having him Surprised the other people with what he's what he's so good at or showing that he's amazing at it and and I feel like they it's so kind of everything's kind of handled in such a diriger kind of like fashion that they never really get that that point when you're like, Oh shit, I didn't expect this little guy to be such an amazing fighter, but he said, sound, you know. Yeah, there's a little bit of that like Marshawn Lynch has like a little like, what? Like moment, but it's it's not, I'm no, I'm no longer enjoy Frank Miller's Sin City comics, the same one that I once did.

But it's kind of like the moment in that first Sin City story where Marv finds the guy Elijah Wood plays in the movie that like kind of like the killer who just looks like a little guy, and that guy immediately turns out to be super fast and have like razor sharp nails. And you're like, oh, this could be a lot more difficult than we thought, like that's the moment you want in this,

but it feels like they don't really have it. Mainly, maybe because he's, I don't know, even though they're building him up as like, he's just an ordinary guy who loves, is a nerd who loves his job. Like it never quite feels, you know the other shoe's gonna drop. It never feels like him.

And they don't give enough set up to that. Like the rush to the first fight is so quick that like you don't really get enough of this character to actually give a shit about him. Yes. Yeah. I feel like a history of violence does Does a better job of the of the this kind of That a great director made yeah, yeah

Doesn't stand up to David Cronenberg Although love hurts is actually would be a good title of David Cronenberg's, like so many of his movies. If you did a retrospective of his movies, Love Hurts would be a great title for it, yeah. Anyway, he escapes, but before he can drive away, he's taged by Rose, as we mentioned before, played by Ariana DeBose, and I want to say,

I've liked her before, especially in West Side Story. I think she is downright bad here, but I don't think it's necessarily her fault. This is such a poorly written character, such an off-the-shelf chaotic force character, and the director doesn't seem to know what to do with her. It's a problem, especially because the fact that they're supposedly in love is the plot driver

in a lot of ways, and I don't buy it. Yeah, the fact that there's a 20-year age gap and they have negative chemistry on screen and they almost never touch on screen and it seems like they are in different movies. Yeah, I think it is a, she definitely does not have on screen and it seems like they are in different movies. Yeah. I think it is a, she definitely does not have much of a character to borrow our friend Nathan's, you know,

old phrase, she said in, in Twitch, she's a Manic Pixie assassin girl, you know, and the, and the- She does have a rose tattoo on her arm, not the band rose tattoo. Oh no, no. It would be hard to have it in Williams. Not the Tennessee Williams play the rose tattoo, yeah. tattoo on her arm not the band Rose tattoo yeah featuring angry Anderson who was in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome it does really

hurt and not in a fun love hurts way it does really hurt that they have very little chemistry and we're supposed to believe they have a history and if those two characters weren't supposed to have a history together I think this movie would work slightly better if it is like, who are you and why are you doing this? And they're discovering each other. Yeah, why are you an agent of chaos in my life? Yes.

Like in a, what is the, lifeless ordinary, sort of way. Well, or any number of screwball comedies. Or something wild or something like that, or bringing up Bobby and you know, that's a. How is Bobby formed? Yeah, bringing up Baba Yaga. That's the one where the Baba Yaga gets into Cary Grant's life.

And we're just roasting it out of whack. Where's that? Crazy chicken foot. Where's that dinosaur bone I'm looking for? It's in my mortar and pestle! And she flies away. But she does have one moment here that I like where she tases Marvin

and she tases somebody else. And for whatever reason, there's two kids sitting on a swing set watching her and she does like a little flourish bow to them because they enjoyed seeing her tase those guys. And I like that split second, that bow I really like. Meanwhile, back at the office, Ashley finds the unconscious raven,

reads some of his poetry, is immediately smitten with him on the basis of this terrible poetry. King calls Renny and is like, hey. Wait, I have one more thing to say. His poetry is not bad enough to be funny. That's another missed opportunity. No, it's just realistically bad.

Yeah, it's realistically bad. it should be really hilariously bad. And then it's equally funny if they fall in love with him. Yeah. King is like, hey, this realtor's like, nobody, Baba Yaga, I'm out. And Rinny is like, hey, if Knuckles finds Rose, she's gonna talk, she'll reveal it was Rinny and someone named Kippy

who haven't met yet, who actually stole from him, so they have to keep at it. And he's like, I'll find Rose myself, you goons, go find Kippy and seize the other loose hands. This is another issue with this movie is, for a movie where the plot is both super simple and hard to figure out, there's a lot of characters telling each other what to do and what they're gonna do next.

And it's like, we don't just have the characters doing this. Like we don't need to see so many times that Cam Gajan is giving orders to other people. It is baffling to me that like, I watched this movie and then I just like, because it was so short, I just watched it straight to like watch it. And then I went back and skimmed over it to take my notes. And so much more was clear the second time around

Obviously, but I mean that's good. That's like a gene wolf novel. It's made to be rewatched not watch. That's good work Yeah, but I was just confused watching because I'm like this plot is so essentially so simple Why didn't make any sense to me the first time around? It was just like a cavalcade We're gonna add a ball or something or happening. Were you on Edibles or something? What? Were you on Edibles or something? I mean, I was. I haven't had pot in months and months.

It would be a real dereliction of duty, Dan, if you were on Edibles, when you were watching the movie while doing the summary. I would probably court martial you and drum you out and tear your flop house patches off. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Okay, I will not tell Elliot about my choices then.

Hey, Stu, as long as the summary comes through, Yeah, okay. I will not tell Elliot about my choices Hey, as long as the summary comes through that's okay, but if Dan's like following this maybe it's because I was intoxicated at the time Well, I wasn't Marvin wakes up somewhere in a sweater with hearts all over it hilarious, right guys Ashley is leaving him a voicemail about the unconscious assassin in his office and Ashley is leaving him a voicemail about the unconscious assassin in his office and Reads a poem and a loving voice and quits their job and then the Raven wakes up and those two characters start connecting. Yeah That's great Marvin has some voiceover about liking Rose and vice versa Because the movie doesn't have time to do the job of the movie vice versa

But almost as much as I love vice versa. Yeah. A crystal skull. Or wait, a golden skull? Vice versa is the Judge Reinhold one, right? Yeah, that's the Judge Reinhold one. Like Father Like Son is the Dudley Moore one? Yes, with Kirk Cameron. Okay.

And 18 Again is the George Burns one? Yes. And 18 again is the George Burns one? Yes, and in Dream a Little Dream, Jason Robards is actually in a coma or something the whole time. He's dreaming. Oh, okay. But Corey Feldman is, or Haym. He's Corey Haym, yeah. And then Feldman's a supporting character.

And Freaky Friday is the Jamie Lee Curtis one, and there's another one of that coming out. Okay. Uh-huh. You got another Friday or whatever it is. What's the Piss in the Fountain one? What's the one? That's out. Okay. You got another Friday or whatever it is. What's the Piss in the Fountain one? That's the Switch Up. The Switch Up.

Is it the Change Up or the Switch Up? I don't know. The Switch. The Chase. The Chase with Christy Squanson and Charlie Sheen when they switch places. So those are all body swap movies. We also did Freaky with our friend Barbara Crampton. Yeah, that's a dr. Jacqueline. Mrs. Hyde is one with Shawn young, right? Yeah, and Tim Daly, okay time daily

A tiny daily. Um, where was I? See time daily is getting a little smaller tiny daily Time daily you see that daily boy, that's huge See, Tyne Daly is getting a little smaller. Tiny Daly in theaters this fall. Oh, be closer, Tyne Daly. You see that, Daly? Boy, that's huge. No, it would be Tyne Daly saying this. No, that's Tiny Elvis next to Tiny Elvis. Oh, Tiny Elvis is even tinier than Tiny Daly.

I see, or Tyne Daly, okay. Yeah, I have it all mapped out. Oh, yeah, that's a lot of yarn between those pictures of Tyne Daly and Tiny Elvis yeah yeah we've got a lot to say about love hurts don't we? Rose explains she's back from the fake dead because she wants to get their lives back she takes him on a joy ride trying to get the old killer to come out. She says hello you fool I love you want to go on a joy ride. Yeah yeah the, yeah, rock star. The Raven and Ashley continue to fall in love.

Marvin takes Rose to one of his unsold properties as a safe house, and they argue about getting their lives back, and this is where they're supposed to be reconnecting, but again, it doesn't really happen. Renny, Cam Guijande, breaks into her apartment and shoots someone, but it's just a decoy mannequin that Rose has left

With a message for him saying that she has kippy along with a bunch of incriminating financial info This this was the point where I was like it says I've got kippy on the set and I was like am I supposed to know Who kippy is already? You meet him right now. Yeah Roses trunk is played by restart be the only restart be performance that never made me laugh Oh, yeah, I love me a little I love restart being yeah, this is it's not a it's I mean They don't give him much to do they don't give him enough to do they do give him some fake teeth They do that's the worst part. I think that's what I think honestly

that is the fatal mistake that makes me not laugh at any of it because like That is the fatal mistake that makes me not laugh at any of it. Because she pulls his front teeth off, his fake front teeth off, when removing the duct tape that she had in his mouth. And so then he's got these false, gross broken teeth the whole time. And it's supposed to be funny, but it just makes everything off-putting. And it's weird because it's like, no, you have a very talented, comedic performer, just let him make it funny.

Yes. Rose threatens Kippy with a taser, and we get the backstory, which is that Rose helps Rinny steal four million from Knuckles, and then Rinny put two million in the truck of Rose's car for Knuckles to find, so Rinny could take Rose's million in the truck of Rose's car for Knuckles to find, so Rini could take Rose's place

in the organization, while Kippy cooked the books so they could keep the remaining $2 million undetected. So everyone has that now. Yeah, sure. All of the pieces are in place. Fine. There's a flashback to Rose of the Quarry with Marvin, where he was supposed to kill her,

but he tells her to run instead. I will say, the first time we see the two of them together, they are dressed so differently from what we're used to. And Marvin, when he was a monster hitman, has a mustache and wears kind of like a blue suit. And he looks like he's a character in a Leisure Suit Larry video game. I love it. I kind of love it, yeah.

I was suddenly... And her fit her like all white suit also. But it feels so like this whole movie is not realistic, but then the characters seem so cartoonish at that moment compared to before when they're at least wearing regular, you know, everyday clothes that I was like, hold on a second, wait, so were they characters in guys and dolls for a moment? And then they came back to reality?

Like, what is this? Well, it's also weird because it's like, like he's doing what he wants to do as a realtor. Yes. And it's just weird to me that it's like, so was he spending a lot of time wearing these like fancy bad guy outfits? Like was that a rule?

Like did he not have to do that? It doesn't seem like it's conducive to him being a battle boy. But Knuckles was like, I need you to dress like one of the Weasels and Roger Rabbit if you're going to do the job. Like he should have been like Danny the dog or something from that Jet Li movie. Like he should have been.

Yeah, the whole time it feels like they're trying to make him that character basically. The character like this is what I crafted you into the ultimate killer and then I let you off your leash, you know. It at least would make sense if they're like, he threw himself into being a killer because he was somebody who just needed direction, because that's kind of what he has done as a realtor, that he has like taken a job and just pursued it, and that that's why he was a killer,

and then like he had a change of heart, but I don't know, it doesn't matter. No, well, this movie is that, part of the problem with this movie is it's at cross purposes with itself because he really, I feel like he does communicate that he likes being a realtor. He loves this job. He's enjoying his life for real.

And you have Rose come in and say, you're lying to yourself, you're hiding. This isn't who you really are. And the movie wants him to be revealed as, no, he does have a killer inside of him and he needs to bring it out That is who he is but that's not the performance that one is giving quite giving it like a better performance of No, he is a realtor at heart and he wants to do that and also you know what movie the message should be yes

It is better to be a realtor than to be a merciless Yeah, but I don't care which one looks cooler on screen, we wanna live in a world of realtors, not in a world of assassins. It certainly would have made more sense if he was like an assassin at heart who's just trying to play it being a realtor and he was bad at it. Yes.

That would have been, at least that would have been a choice that would have maybe been funny and tied in with the rest of the movie as opposed to the choice they went with. The idea that, I mean, once, if you have a character who likes his life, and Rose comes in and is throwing that,

because she wants to be him, it can be someone different, is throwing that off, her character has to be so charismatic that you're like, that you're as tempted as he is, whereas here, I kept thinking about the movie, I'm like, just go away, like he had a good life, and you're wrecking it, but you're not bringing anything in addition.

Yeah. Like you're just a bad influence all the way through, maybe if that's the movie you're telling then make her really bad Make her a bad guy, you know Yeah, I don't feel like he's gonna be more self actualized if he goes back to like murdering people No, I mean there's a there's another version this movie which one's not necessarily better where he loses regional realtor of the year He doesn't his boss is like sorry man I know you want this job, but you just don't have the killer instinct. And then through becoming an assassin again, that intensity comes back,

and then suddenly he's the best realtor in the world. That's the arc that he's on, and this adventure helps him. Whereas here, it's like, he's like, I love my life. Ugh, all this stuff came in. You know what? I do love my life, and I will continue to be a realtor. It's like, why the hell did I just see you go through all this?

Yeah. So we see that quarry flashback he tells her to run and the quarry flashbacks was a quarry Feldman quarry hame yeah quarry flashback quarry quarry back in the present mm-hmm back in the present Rose is weirdly angry about why did you volunteer to kill me when it is pretty clear that it was to protect her because if anyone else took that job, they would have just killed her. But Marvin has to explain it anyway, so the dumbest in the audience understand, I guess.

So back at Marvin's actual house, Cliff shows up to pick up the car and he finds Knuckles and some of his muscle and they have this conversation where Knuckles is obviously like menacing and angry that Cliff has become Marvin's surrogate brother rather than him the real brother, and he reveals Marvin Stark past,

and Cliff is so nice and forgiving that you know Sean Astin's gonna get killed, and he does get killed by Knuckles stabbing a boba straw into his eye, and blood dribbles out, and it's way too gruesome for the tone of this movie. Like this is like the nicest guy who gets killed in this awful joke way.

My guess is this movie was originally probably a lot gorier. And that they kept that in because I guess it's neat looking or funny that the blood pours out through the straw, you know? But I guess this was a much bloodier movie and then they cut it back at some point. Because the fight scenes feel otherwise so bloodless even though people are getting slashed with blades

and like, you know, getting the shit kicked out of them. So, I don't know. Yeah. It does feel like there's a, that like, Sean Astin's, I guess it makes me not like the movie that Sean Astin's character is so sweet and then gets killed and It's supposed to be like no this knuckles guy now. I really want him dead, but he was already a bad guy

We already don't like him and yeah I feel like there's a there's no version of this movie where Sean Astin's character is a little sleazy like maybe he's he's using Marvin a little bit like a guy from die-hard. Yeah. Yeah, so when he gets killed it's like oh But also not you don't feel heartbroken, you know? Yeah. The movie can't carry Sean Edson's death in this, you know? No, no, not at all. Marvin threatens Kippy, but is interrupted

by people coming to see the house, and Rose is like, don't open that door, and Marvin says, I like my life now, but I am like, you can still try and keep your life as a realtor and not open the door right now while you're holding this guy hostage and there's a criminal thing going on.

Also, a better movie, this would be a great, kind of a fun scene of like, oh, we have this farcical thing where he has to show the house while the stuff is going on, but you have to make that inevitable. You can't just have him be like, no, I'm gonna show the house for no reason, the whole movie, he should be like, I got to I have this appointment coming up to show this house. Yeah. So I've got to get to that appointment. Like that's that

should be his drive to get out of fight scenes. It's like I can't be in all beat to crap. Because I have to show this house because what it feels like also is this couple showed up randomly at a model house, hoping that the realtor would be there that day to show them around. And it's like, that's not how realty works. Like a realtor doesn't just live at a model house waiting for his clients to show up.

Like they would have an appointment. Do you think this would have worked better if he hadn't won what, Regional Realtor of the Year at the start, but instead he knew that they were like judging by the end of the movie. So he was like, okay, so I have to show this house because I need to win this award maybe. I think so.

I think if he, his whole drive the whole time should be, I gotta win this award. Like I can't let this get in the way of winning this award. And the joke there then is like, your life is in danger. Why do you care so much this? And then at the end of the movie, he went, they've judged him and and they're like, you've been able to protect your client's lives.

You know, you won. And he goes and accepts the award, and he's all beat up, and he's bloody all over, and he's giving a speech holding this certificate. It means so much to him, but he looks half dead. Like, that would be such a funny ending to it. That's better, that's better. Yeah, we fixed it.

We fixed it, love doesn't hurt anymore. Love fixed. The couple comes in to see the house. Marvin calls Ashley for the closing paperwork, but they're like didn't you get the message? I quit but Marvin convinces them to come to the house, which means the Raven also knows the Marvin is But Ashley because they've fallen in love convinces the Raven not to kill Marvin but take him in on harm Kill kill kill Marvin never more. Oh damn He'll kill Marvin. Nevermore. Oh, damn.

Kippy escapes and calls. Yeah, it's from the Poe. Yeah, the Conqueror worm. M. Anyway. Poe M is what I said. Kippy escapes. Yeah, we got it, Dan. We got it. Did you hear me laughing?

It's not because I didn't get it. Did you hear me laughing? At your front door, baby. Did you hear me laughing? It's not because I didn't get it. Did you hear me laughing? At your front door baby. Kippy escapes and calls Rennie. Laugh laugh levin' at heaven's door. Oh yeah, that's great. Laugh to my window.

Or whatever the song, the most average song is. That's a great laugh medley. Kippy escapes and calls Rennie. Oh no, if the movie were better things would be cooking now Rose calls Ranny references telling the Russians who are these Russians? We'll find out about the Punisher. Yeah, the incriminating info. She left him to find and Ranny's like if you want your money come to the mob headquarters so she drives off leaving a Valentine for Marvin that says hiding ain't living,

which is kind of a repeated mantra in the movie. Also, I would say for many people in difficult situations, hiding is living. Hiding is what keeps them alive. So I take it, it feels real entitled, this message. Yeah. Raven and Ashley show up at the house. There's a non-violent standoff,

which is interrupted with a violent standoff when Otis and King also show up and up at the house. There's a non-violent standoff, which is interrupted with a violent standoff when Otis and King also show up and shoot up the place. Which I would say is so Raven. That is so Raven. That is so Raven, yeah. Here's Otis and King. I did like one bit here when they're, the two thugs are there and they're about to fight,

and they go and pull the novelty, decorative, massive silverware I did like that use as weapons and then it was pretty that was fun they do the thing here that happens a lot in action movies where two guys show up with with automatic weapons and consistently shoot above everybody in the room and it's like just just lower a little bit there's a part where I thought this was so funny not not on purpose but but where one of the characters is, it's like he's being shot at,

and then you see a shot of him just hiding behind something, and then the shot of the guy shooting the guns at that place, and it's like, so he stopped shooting for a second so that our hero could go hide somewhere? The editing tries to hide the fact that he should be dead right now. I feel like, I guess what I'm saying is they haven't really built up the threat of King and Otis They seem to be consistently not good at their job. Yes

But they raised the stakes here in a second Well, they do maybe it's partly also because I will say if I'm an assassin and trying to kill somebody I would try to shoot them before I just shoot out a bunch of windows and then pick up the person and throw them across the room. There's a lot of throws. Yeah, yeah, if I was an assassin, I would just shoot them with a sniper rifle, but maybe I'm just built different.

If I were an assassin, I'd be better at killing. I just always wonder in movies, when you have it like an Uzi or something, why you don't just spray all over the place so you're bound to hit him at some point as opposed to shooting in one direction the entire time and letting the person hide behind something. Or there's a later, it's one of those things

where someone has a pump action shotgun and someone else is hiding behind a rack of videos or something and instead of going around the corner and then firing the gun, he's just walking while firing a pump action shotgun at nothing. It's like, dude, you know you're not hitting anybody. You get all worked up, Elliot. I mean, you start racking that thing and you're like, hell yeah.

It's like, if you can't see them, you're not going to hit them with your gun. You know, the bullet's not going to... A shotgun bullet's not going to ricochet off something and hit somebody. Yeah, but you might like pin them in place and then that'll allow you to do a flanking maneuver, right, Dan? I guess so. Let me get back to the summary. The Karate Realtor.

I'll give more assassin advice later in the show in my regular, Katelyn's Killer Corner. More like Dead Vice. More like Dad Vice. The Karate Realtor I mentioned way back in the beginning is showing a house nearby, he sees what's going on, he jumps in to help Marvin because he's an overconfident Karate Black Belt, and honestly he's really fun and goofy,

so of course he gets shot through the head, and there's a big hole in his head. They do a classic hard-boiled shot, hard-boiled Jeff Darrow type shot. Another likable character getting too gruesomely killed for my tastes in this movie, and if it was like a dark comedy, like if it was really leaning into that,

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but the tone is way wrong. But, but... It also is too bad, because he, in those moments, is the funniest character in the movie. Yeah, he's really like, Marvin and Raven fight off the goons

while Marvin still tries to close the sale. And there's this scene where Marvin tells a couple, stay here until I come and find you. And they're never revisited, which makes me wonder if there was a post-credit scene where they're still waiting in the house that just got cut or something. That's possible, because they do just disappear.

Yeah. Or even just a scene. I mean, there might have been a wrap-up scene with those characters that was cut. But they win their fight. Ashley stops Marvin from killing the Raven, reminding him that he was once a killer too, and that everyone can change.

And somehow, that's what sends him after Rose. Even though Rose is the one who doesn't want him to change, so I don't understand that. I wonder if he feels like maybe I can have it all. Maybe I can be a realtor and be in love with this Harley Quinn-esque chaos assassin. And you know Harley Quinn. I know, and if anything, Harley Quinn, under my guidance,

has reached a level of maturity that Raven does not have yet. Oh, not Raven, that Rose does not have yet. Speaking of Roach. Raven's a better name for that character, I'm sorry. Rose should be called Raven, Raven should be called Wordsworth, like they should have different names.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rose tries to get her money from Rinny, but he's had the truth beaten from him by Knuckles and goons surround her. Marvin shows up and Rose is like, I need all of you. So Marvin crushes his glasses to Hulk out, but again, not really different from the rest of the movie. No, well, what's different here is it's set to

my first, my last, my everything, in the same way as they did in Argyle where I'm like, shut up, stop doing this, I'm tired of it. No more ironic songs to bloody fight scenes, no thank you. We've seen it. Yeah, they beat up the goons. You know what, what if she said, I need all of you and then he fought while singing, all of me.

Why not kill all of me? Yeah, that'd be better. Yeah. Rose kills Rinny. There's a big fight between Knuckles and Marvin where Marvin just barely wins and tries to walk away. But Knuckles comes after him with a bat and Rose shoots him in the shoulder

and turns him over to the Russian mob whose money it was really the whole time less her finder's fee. Everything's wrapped up. Did it bother you guys? They do the thing, I think they do in the John Wick movies, right? When there's a subtitle, when it's subtitling

a foreign language instead of having it along the bottom, it's like in big letters on the screen. That bother me? Yeah. I mean, I don't mind it. Why would it bother me? Because it bothers me and I'm trying to figure out why. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I think it's okay.

It's a style choice that's always worked, but I don't too much. If it's just me being a stick I think it's okay. It's a style choice that you can always work on. If it's just maybe in a stickler, that's okay. There's a brief Valentine's Day montage to tie everything up. Ashley and the Raven. Guys, did the ghost of Gary Marshall make this movie in the movie?

Yeah, it feels like it. Ashley and the Raven are together. King and Otis, who got sliced up. And did you know that, you know Gary, Gary Marshall got to start as a fight choreographer, right? Yeah, he did, that's true. Yeah, he choreographed the fights on Happy Days. King and Otis who got sliced up so much, I presumed they were dead before, lie on the floor. He's literally slicing their bellies and stuff and cutting their hamstrings.

Like they should have bled out, they should be dead. But no, they were too likeable to to die Otis's wife texts him to reconcile Only the most likable characters in the movie get gory on-screen deaths. Yeah Marvin pulls his shades down and looks at Rose while she's tending bar with a voiceover saying as much as love hurts It's totally worth it and then credits roll and it just feels like such an anti climax. No, it is. I didn't know how to end this thing. Didn't know how to end it or there was an ending

and they changed it and cut it. Maybe it was a reshot ending. I forgot entirely this strip bar she's in that points up the double standard. It's like a road house, yeah. Yeah, but it points up the double standard of American society that we can see a bloody hole through the head of a recently murdered likable character,

but the strippers have to be wearing full, full butt covering panties and bras and just walk around slowly in their underpants, you know? Yes. I guess what I'm saying, Dan, is I like to see the human body celebrated rather than mangled. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's cool. Yeah.

I do not recommend the Final Destinationled. Yeah. Oh, wow, that's cool. Yeah. I do not recommend the final destination franchise. Okay. I've heard, I go there with my wife. I've heard it's a real celebration of the human body. So love hurts. What is it? Is it time for final judgment, Stan? It is time for final judgment.

Whether it's a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie you kind of liked. I'll say this is a bad bad movie. I do enjoy seeing Ki Hui Kuan. He's good in it as much as you could make this work. There's some like small sporting roles I enjoy. He has such a natural likable charisma that makes you wish that he did not have that time

in his career when he could not find the right roles for him or when Hollywood was not offering him roles. And like, it makes you wish that he was in a much better vehicle for his charisma than this, because he is a very charismatic performer. But it's obviously been cut to hell and it just doesn't work. I think that some of the fixes that we've proposed would make it at least passable,

but they didn't get our notes in time. They're getting them now, well after release. So I say it's bad, bad. They should have showed us the work print. We're the Monday morning movie makers. I'm going to agree, I think it's a bad bad movie. I think I'm not gonna lay the blame at really any other performers,

but it does feel like there's some conceptual flaws in the basic choices made in the movie. And the people that don't work as well in the movie, I think are more miscast. Yeah, it's kind of a stinker. I am also gonna call it a bad Ben movie. Yes, I'm not gonna blame any of the performers. As I always do, I'm gonna blame whoever

was giving notes on the movie. But yeah, it's a movie that is, it's trying so hard to be a specific type of kind of like, fun, violent, semi-romantic comedy that I feel like the 90s tried out over and over again and could never really get, could rarely got the right balance of, and here they failed to get that balance too, but the whole time I was watching it it was like, this felt like, I was like maybe, I assume it's not, but it felt like a script that might have been

kicking around since Pulp Fiction came out and then got gussied up with kind of like John Wick type fighting or stuff. I mean, it doesn't help that it came out after Nobody, which does basically everything this movie does except for the tone better. And that it came out the same year as Hard Eyes, which is a slasher rom-com that again, plays with a non-traditional love story, but is actually successful.

Yeah. But I just hope all these performers get that it's not taken as their problem and they get to do more and better stuff. After 400 episodes, the Maximum Film Universe is kicking off a brand new phase. We have got a brand new host, hilarious writer and comedian, Kevin Avery. Hey, that's me. Kevin's teaming up with me, film critic Alonso Duraldi.

And me, producer and film festival programmer, Dreia Clark. Together, we're taking on summer blockbuster season by talking about some of the biggest movies in theaters. That makes this the perfect time to join the Maximum Film Gang. Reserve your Maximum Film ticket. Pre-order your Maximum Film custom popcorn bucket.

We're trying to say it's a great time to start listening to the podcast. So jump back in to the continuing adventures of Maximum Film every week on MaximumFun.org. Hey, do you have a favorite episode of Star Trek? If you do, you should also have a favorite Star Trek podcast. Greatest Trek is about all the new streaming Star Trek shows and it's a great companion to The Greatest Generation, our hit show about back catalog Star Trek that you grew up with. It's a comedy podcast by two folks who used to be video producers, so it's a serious mix

of comedy and insight that fits right into the Maximum Fund network of shows. And Greatest Trek is one of the most popular Star Trek podcasts in the world. So if you're following Lower Decks, Prodigy, or Strange New Worlds, come hang out with us every Friday as we roast and review our favorite Star Trek shows. It's on MaximumFun.org, YouTube, or your podcast catching app. The Flophouse is sponsored by nobody this week. If you want to sponsor the Flophouse, no. Buy some ad time on the Flophouse, but I have some things to promote, so I'm going to talk

about them. It's the same stuff I'm gonna talk about them. As it's the same stuff I'm always talking about, as you know, my new children's book, Sadie Mouse Wrecks the House, it's on store shelves. Now go pick it up, kids love this book. I'm getting a lot of good feedback on it. It is hilarious.

It's about a mouse who's tired of being the good kid and is gonna do her chores bad. So she never has to do them again. And she wrecks the house. Super fun. Kids will love it. Adults who are immature will also like it. Sadie Mouse wrecks the house in stores now. Go to your independent bookstore and buy it. Go to your comic book store and why not pick up Harley Quinn coming out monthly from

DC Comics written by me. I've been writing it for a while now. I'm about to hand in the script for the issue that I think makes this the longest run I've ever done on a comic book And right now there's no end in sight. So please keep picking it up Harley Quinn story of everyone's favorite Harlequin Harley Quinn and she's having adventures and the emphasis is just on having fun being funny Doing adventures and this is a long way in the future But we are about five months away from the release of my book about joke writing, Joke Farming, from the University of Chicago Press.

So I'm not going to mention it a lot until we get closer to the release when I'm going to mention it a lot, but get ready for that. Mark your calendars that it's coming out in November, Joke Farming, and I think the subtitle is How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense or something like that. And it is hopefully the only joke writing manual that you will need that will explain Literally the mechanics of how a joke works and how I write them. Mm-hmm. Well also a week after this episode drops I believe is June 14th, which is the Brooklyn Pride Parade in Brooklyn, New York along Fifth Avenue and My bar Commonwealth is along that strip

and that whole area turns into a really huge party. And if you're looking for a place to pee and get a drink, you should check out Commonwealth. In that order, can we do it the other way around? Depends, it depends on how bad you have to go when you get there. And then five days after that is my birthday. So we've all got equally important plugs.

So Dan, when are you, who's, you're inviting all the Flophouse listeners to come to your birthday party? You're inviting them to your birthday. Nope. If they can find it, they can't find it. So it's like the A-Team. If you're a fan of Dan's and you can find him,

celebrate his birthday. Hey, let's do some letters from listeners. Let's do it. Listeners. Yeah, I feel do some letters from listeners. Let's do it with listeners Yeah, I feel like that's what people on the internet need is more of an excuse to like try to try harder to find Well, he is the mole right you have to find he's running across the country and you've got to find him Oh, yeah, that's how the show works. Right Dan. I'm thinking myself as more of a Waldo Great Waldo. Oh, yeah. A great Waldo Pepper. Pepper.

What are my Scoville? What's my Scoville rating? Hot. Hot. This is from Mark, last name withheld. Who writes? Mark Kaelin, my dad. Mark Wellington, my dad? Wow. You both. Wow. That's why we were about to kill each other and then we were

Fighting in it in an abandoned men's room and then we realized our dads have the same name So we shouldn't we should join forces to stop whoever the bad guy was in that movie. Mm-hmm mastermind. I think This is title personal non-Canon Sequels. Hello from London. Good day. Love the vlog. I have a query about personal non-canon sequels. Alas, another simple favor didn't recapture the magic

of the first movie, despite the lead still having that chemistry. In an attempt to further the story, the movie took the characters into places that semi-ruined the joy of the first, so I've decided to remove the sequel from my headcanon so I can just enjoy a simple favor as originally intended. Do you have any sequels that you'd also like to remove

from your existence? Thanks for reading. PS, my simple favorite sequel would have adhered much more to a Science of the Lambs style plot structure, but with more martinis and fabulous outfits in replacement for cannibalism. I'm not sure how that would, I guess, I guess Anna Kendrick would have to visit Blake Lively in prison to capture someone else. Is that what the implication is? I assume so.

Yeah. But with, yeah, and cannibalism would be in there? Yeah. I mean, speaking of sequels, I would remove Hannibal from my science of all I am. Yeah, it's not good. Not the show, the TV show, Hannibal, of course, can exist, but the movie kind of ruins, I think, the police sterling.

Probably a weak spot of old Ridley Scott's career. I mean, I do this all the time. I'm like, well, didn't like that one. Doesn't exist in my personal cosmology of these characters. Yeah, you are yelling at me about The Last Jedi, right? I love The Last Jedi. But this is why I don't actually, I mean, I get annoyed if I was looking forward to a movie

and it sucks, as anyone might, but I don't get angry the way people seem to. That ruined everything. Well, you just pretend it doesn't exist, man. Well, the trick is, is you get older and you develop a rich, full life, you don't care as much. I mean, that is a big part of it. I think there's a, if you feel like you have some sense

of control over any element of your own life, then you might feel less attached to the fictional lives of fictional characters. But the, yeah, I don't know. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, the Terminator series ends with Terminator 2. Like there's no reason for other ones after that. Yeah, I mean, Terminator Salvation

is a very clear one for me. I really dislike that. And the- But part three does have that bit where Arnold like head slams Christiana Loughan into a toilet. That's kind of crazy. That's a crazy looking fight.

And I like the most recent one a bit, the Terminator, what's dark future, dark fate. But like, this can exist sort of like as like, I don't know, adjuncts. Adjuncts. Supplementary material. Multi-verse, whatever. It's like, something I like about the Godzilla series

is that at a certain point they decided every movie we make is a sequel to the 1954 Godzilla and will disavow the previous sequels. And they've done a number of sequels in a row where they all ignore every movie made previously, including the one made most recently before that. And they're like, this is just how we're doing it. It's just different stories about Godzilla.

We're not beholden to what happened in before because we don't wanna have to process all that. And it makes the character a little more special because it means that the people in the movie series don't have a familiarity with Godzilla the same way they would if there were literally 30 Godzilla adventures that had happened in Canon in real life. Yeah, it's like the first Godzilla is the like

big bang moment and that all the movies are like spread out from that one specific point. All the other movies are the young Sheldons that come after that big bang, yeah. Yeah. Thanks for putting in terms that I understand. No problem. But I remember like when I was younger, like when Alien. Yeah. Thanks for putting in terms that I understand. No problem. But I remember like when I was younger,

like when Alien 3 came out, getting caught up in like how disappointing it was to have all the characters, have like the characters from Aliens that we liked just be dead, you know? Yes. No, I, for yeah, for me, like Aliens with Aliens and similarly, like there's stuff I like in.

There's stuff I like in some of the other movies, yeah. There's stuff I like in some of the other movies, there's stuff I like in some of the- Stuart's making a dubious face. What the hell are you talking about? I like in some of the other movies. Yeah. There's stuff I like in some of the other movies. There's stuff I like in some of the- Stuart's making a dubious face. What the hell are you talking about? I like them all, man. There's some stuff I like- Except for Ronny. In the later Indiana Jones movies,

but basically it ends for me with Last Crusade, in terms of taking it seriously as, like, these are movies I really like. But part of the issue is that, is there's, and I don't want to sound like a last Jedi hating guy, because this is the issue, some people have last Jedi, is that when you do some of those much later sequels, they fall on that easy structure of the hero is bitter

and has to be brought back in. And seeing Indiana Jones in that most recent one, being a bitter old man separated from his wife and hating his job, He was just like, I don't care if he is gonna have another adventure. Like this is a depressing way to think this character is gonna age up as opposed to Luke Skywalker and Les Jettys

where I'm like, I do like the idea of a hero who has, that's on such an operatic level, the Star Wars movies, that if he is a tragic figure who has failed his own principles, then I'm like, oh, well, that's a meaty thing. Whereas Indiana Jones does not operate on that level for me. So to see him as just like, yeah, he was an adventurer and now he hates every aspect of

his life and he's just a bitter old man. It's like, oh, well, that's disappointing. Maybe I'm just a sad person, but I like the most recent one. I had more of a problem with Crystal Skull, even though there's a couple of things in there I like where I feel like it has a lot of the same problems, but also a lot of other extra problems. I mean, Dial of Time or whatever is Dial of Destiny. I haven't even seen that one, should I see that one?

I think it's good. It's fine, it's better than Crystal Skull, but it's a movie that I will say I liked it, I didn't like it at the beginning. Is Mutt back? Is Mutt back? Mutt is not back. I liked it. He's pointedly not back. I liked it more, I mean I liked it more. I mean it would have won me over more. They show you the but they show you the grave

Is like a shrine to mutt in it just like oh, yeah He was killed when he tried to ride a motorcycle into a train or something like that Yeah, but that the I liked that movie as it went on because it got sillier and sillier or got bigger and bigger You know, okay We got one more question from a listener. It's from John, last name withheld. Subject is Salacious Crumb. Oh, one of my favorite subjects.

Message body. Is he a pet or a friend? Thanks. He is an employee. He is both a pet and an employee. He's not a friend. Jabba has no real friends. When you're that rich and that powerful

and that dangerous, you don't have real friends. You only have people who are afraid of you or wanna use you. That's fucked up, Elliot. So you're saying when Salacious Crumb is like loving it and laughing his ass off, he's performing that way? He's not doing that out of actual joy? Here's the great thing about Salacious Crumb.

He loves his work. So that is the real joy. Luckily, he found the job that was right for him Which is as a pet who enjoys seeing his owner Throw people to the rancor pit Torment droids. Yes That's a genuine laugh the same way that when I am working and I'm in the writers room and we're genuinely coming up with really Fun ideas and enjoying it and I laugh heartily. It's like man

I'm this is what a great conjunction of work and also what gives me pleasure. And Salacious Crumb lives the dream of having that every single day until the barge explodes and he dies in a fireball. Yeah, I heard those complaints that in the writers room, you're always laughing like Salacious Crumb and they're like, it's kind of off-putting.

They would be so lucky if I laugh like, ha ha ha ha ha ha. That would be wonderful. I should do that on Monday. Yeah. But yeah, Salacious Crumb, he's an employee pet. He's like a hype man, right? Like he's- Yes, yeah.

He's definitely like a hype man. When Kendrick Lamar goes Mustard and Mustard comes out, that's what Jabba the Hutt would do. Go Salacious and then Salacious Crumb would come out. It's the same relationship, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Same relationship. And on my Blacklight poster, Salacious Crumb would be Morty and Jabba would be Rick, right?

I guess so. Yeah, exactly. Oh wait, well actually I'm not so sure about that. Stuart, we have to stop relating everything to your black light posters. Okay. I don't think that everything in the world can be defined that way.

We were talking about Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Stuart's like, but who is he on my black poster? Yeah, is he the unicorn that's flying throughout our space or is he the world snake that's devouring itself? Is he the butterfly winged tiger that the barbarian queen is riding? Uh-huh. Oh, man.

Let us now, let's go then, you and I. To a magical land. Take my hand Recommendation we'll make it I swear Movies that we saw that we enjoyed perhaps a little bit more than love hurts So much that we would go so far as to say you might enjoy them as well and I saw on On Hulu. I just watched Summer of 69, which... You thought it was something different

from the number in the title. Well, actually it means that in the movie. Oh, never mind that. They're referring to that. So, you know, this could just be like Hulu slop. You know, like you... Give me an example, drop some Hulu slop on me. I don't know, just like something...

I love the idea that in our world, the phrase Hulu slop means something, and it's not just like a funk performer from the 70s. Here's a cut you don't hear much from Hulu slop. I feel like for the most part the direct to Hulu stuff is at least a step above Netflix. Maybe I'm misremembering things. I think that's probably true, but there is like a type of just like baseline glossy, but it's not even like this. I feel like in the old days, you would find gems in direct to video

or direct to streaming stuff, but the idea was mostly like, oh, this fell short of what could be theatrical, and so it ended up here, whereas now, like the bar has been lowered a lot of the time, and now it's just like, well, this is something you can kind of pay attention to. Wasn't like, wasn't like George a recent Hulu original?

I think, well, I mean, it was in theaters. I don't know whether it was, I don't know, I don't know how the deals were structured. But anyway, Summer of 69 has Chloe Fineman from Saturday Night Live and it has the main character. She was also in Megalopolis, Dan. Sure. The main character is played by Sam.

Thank you for correcting that Stuart. Sam Morelos, I don't know if I'm saying the last name correctly, but she was apparently in that 90s show. Oh, from that 90s show, yeah, yeah. But she was terrific in this. They were both really good. I like Sam Morelos a lot.

I think she's a funny performer. This is like a teenage sex comedy. The idea is that the Sam Morello's character has this crush, she hears a rumor that her crush is really into 69ing. She is a nerd, she knows nothing of sex. It's like goes beyond just something that she could Google. She wants to feel confident,

so she employs Chloe Feynman's stripper character to sort of teach her this sort of thing. But this is a very broad setup, but what I liked about this movie is once this broad sort of sex comedy setup happens, it then turns into kind of a sweet, odd couple friendship comedy between the two of them and one that feels

realistic where Feynman's character is sort of prickly and mean to this nerd kid through a lot of it rather than being like just having a heart of gold and she's got her own concerns, she wants like the money that this kid is offering for her own reasons. So that she can learn how to 69. She wants to buy the strip club, so she's a business woman. And there's a warmth there, and the teenager character

is nerdy in a specific way rather than just being an off the shelf wallflower. I thought it was really kind of warm and and Weirdly realistic for such a broad setup ultimately in a way that I enjoyed So that's what I saw recently that liked I'm gonna recommend a little crime movie that came out last year called The Order Stars Jude Law you got some Ty Sheridan,

you got some Nicholas Holt, and it's based on, I guess, based loosely on a true story about the FBI being interested in a series of robberies, and those turn out to be linked to a white supremacist cult organization led by Nicholas Holt, which I think is kind of fun casting because he's a little old baby face. A little old baby face.

He's neither little nor old. The movie, I think, has some really good tense moments and I think it's like a solid little crime thriller and it's also, I think this flavor of Jude Law where he's like kind of older and grizzled, that might be my new favorite Jude Law flavor, guys. He's got a mustache. Oh, the Jude Law flavor. Yeah, you got to try it.

Head over. Yeah, I'm tired of cookies and Jude. That was the old flavor. No, thanks. Yeah, so yeah, if you're looking for like a tight little, a little crime thriller that is what, set in the 70s, I think, so you get some really cool outfits, check it out. I'm going to recommend a documentary,

or rather a documentary series. It is neither tight nor little. It is a two-part documentary series that was just recently released on if it's the last dance I will be blown away. No, I do want to see the last I watched yet. I've heard it's great. This was it's on max which is soon to be called HBO max Because renaming it max was dumb, but this is this is the two-part series Pee Wee has himself the documentary Yeah, I've been waiting for you to watch that About Paul Rubin's, it's really good.

And it's really, there's a, I mean, I've been a fan of Pee Wee Herman and Paul Rubin since I was a kid. And he's always seemed to be one of those figures where it's like, it's hard to imagine him as a real person because he's so associated with the Pee Wee character. And there was something very illuminating to me about seeing him on camera really as himself

and being, you know, you're reading about documentary, people talk about like he's combative with the director and stuff like that. And he's very like prickly at times, but in a way that is intriguing and not, and that reveals more about himself in some ways. And just seeing, learning his full story of like where he came from and how he developed that character and how he developed that character and how he developed as an artist and a performer

was really fantastic and fascinating. And I got to see what Gary Pantor looks like now. Oh, wow. As an old man, so, because they interviewed him a little bit. The- Does he look like one of his drawings? That's how I imagine him.

No, he doesn't look like one of his drawings, no. But I thought it was really good. And a friend of the podcast, Jesse Thorn, who worked with Paul Rubens on an audio project at one point, he said that it really felt like it gave the idea of what it's like to be around Paul Rubens and like working with him. And so that really fit his experience.

So I really recommend it. I think it's great. There's this just a phenomenal amount of archival footage of him as a young performer, which was really fantastic Yeah, fascinating. So peewee as himself I recommend. Well guys, that's it another one for the books I really enjoyed this. I've been alone in the house for two days So this I really needed to hang out with you guys Yeah, thank you for being here, and thank you listeners

for being wherever you are on the other end of these radio waves, these podcast waves. I don't think you know how podcasts work, Dave. No, I don't. Is it elves? Yeah, it's little elves that jump in your ear and whisper what we're saying in our voices. How do they slide down on Moomakill's trunk

and delivers a podcast to you? Thank you to our producer, Alex Smith. He goes by the name Howell Doddy all over the internet. You can listen to his music. He does Twitch streams, he does a lot of stuff. Thank you to Maximum Fun. If you go to MaximumFun.org, you can listen to all kinds of great podcasts.

I was gonna say a lot, and then I realized the vowel sounds I was making were not going to fit into where I was going. Interesting. But if you enjoy this podcast, you'll probably like one of the other ones. Why not give them a shot? But anyway, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Yeah, I've been Stuart Wellington, partner. Whoa, whoa, okay. And I'm still Elliott Cailin. I just can't react. I don't know how to react to Stuart becoming John Wayne all of a sudden. I'm a new guy there, partner. No. I can't wait to find out who Stuart is next time.

I'm Elliott Cailin for now, though. Bye. On this episode we discuss love hurts. Does it ever. Wait, no, I got a better one. I got a better one. Okay. Okay. I seem too real. Maximum fun. A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows, supported directly by you.