The Flop House - Ep.#245 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III

Episode Date: November 25, 2017

We're doing another podcrawl, along with Read it and Weep and Too Beautiful to Live! They covered the first two of the original Ninja Turtles movies, and we covered Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III aka the one where they go back in time and wear samurai garb that is somehow fitted to giant turtles. Meanwhile, Stu reveals Elliott's diaper secret, Dan has an energy drink scam, and Elliott poses a question about inter-generational incest. Wikipedia synopsis for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III Movies recommended in this episode Lady Bird Found Footage 3D Sawdust and Tinsel LIVE SHOWS Dec. 9 –  San Francisco, at the Marines Memorial Theater

On this episode, we discuss Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 Turtles in Time. The only movie with the word turtle twice in the title. Find another one I dare you! Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. How you doing there, Dan? Not great, but how are you? I'm good because I'm steward willing to. Oh, okay. And I'm in the middle, Elliot Kaylen. I'm doing pretty good in my personal life, but I'm a little worried about the world situation. Average it out to a gentleman C plus.

Okay, that's not bad, you know. I mean, if that's like your grade for gym, that's okay. You grade people for Jim. That's okay. You grade people at Jim. You don't, what, was your Jim pass fail? Great. Yes. Yeah, Jim, I think is almost always pass fail. I feel like I got.

You think that, you think that Jim teacher's just sitting in his office at night grading what, your time's on the shuttle runs? It's not just that, right? Don't you also have to like fill out tests about like, what are the rules to hockey? Yeah. No.

Or how to do a pull up best? It's a five paragraph essay about pull ups. Yeah. Yeah. I wrote mine on diapers, the pull up diapers, and that was not what he wanted. Mm-hmm. Oh, they're more useful in your daily life, right?

Oh, yeah, I use that information all the time. People say you don't learn what you're gonna use, you don't use what you learn in gym and your regular life, but I did with that essay on that. Yeah, that's a thing. Like, Dan told me the first time you walked into the daily show as a head rider, you had just pulled up your diaper and you said, I'm a big kid now.

I said, mommy, wow, I'm a big kid now. Oh, I'm sorry for misquoting you. Yeah. It was a weird power move, Mommy, wow, I'm a big kid now. Oh, I'm sorry for misquoting you. It was a weird powerboot, but we all, you know, it worked. We all showed him the respect afforded someone who can use a diaper. Use a potty, Dan. The diaper is just there as an emergency backup. Okay. Yeah. Think of it as a fire extinguisher in your pants.

Okay. Sure. I will, I guess. Very useful in case your pocket catch is on fire. Yeah. I guess that's right. So what do we do on this podcast? Dan, there's that question that I have a bit. We'd have a better question. Dan, what do we do on this podcast? Okay. Yep. Answer his first. question Dan. What would you on this podcast? Okay. Yep answer his first all right

To the gentleman on Skype. I will say that this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it and to the General follow directly to my right. This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about okay I've won follow up What movie did we watch this time? We watched a movie called teenage mutant ninjaant Ninja Turtles 3. Now, wait, wait, wait, let me see. I think I have a question. This is the question my wife Charlene asked me when I was watching this movie. Yeah. Why the fuck was I watching that movie?

Well, so we're doing another pod crawl with some fellow podcasts. One of them is read it in weep. I'm not really sure what the other one was. I okay should have found that out Yeah, I hope it was not Louis K and Harvey Weinstein's white nationalism podcast So yeah, it's yeah, the their podcast if true Yeah, their podcast if true. If true. Yeah, so between the three podcasts, we're watching all three of the old style Teenage Mutant and Intraternal movies, and you can go to podcrawl.space.

That's podcrawl.space to have all of the podcast lumped together on a convenient website. Is that where all the space websites are located? Yeah, it's, it's Nilde Grass Tyson's website. God damn it, I don't want to support that guy. I don't know why you said that, but I'm sure with the way the news is going, we'll find out some reason not to. I mean, there's already been allegations against him recently. Oh, great.

Oh, really? I don't know about that. Yikes. What is it with these Tyson boys? Neil deGrasse Tyson, Mike Tyson, Tyson Check-In, they all have their problems, you know? Yep. Let's deal with this. So Dan, you're saying that Rita Weep is doing what?

Ninja Turtles the first one? I think that they're doing the second one. I think that the, as the unknown podcast is doing the first, man, you're not a fun time editing the name of this podcast in our show. I love the lack of research on Dan's part. Just to set the, this is part three of the pod crawl, the final part, the denue mall, if you will. At this point, just to lay in the backstory on the turtles, our favorite for some, the denumal, if you will. At this point, just to lay in the backstory on the

turtles, our favorite for some, the fab for some might say, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have emerged in New York in the first film, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and made friends with April O'Neill, local reporter. Then in the second movie, they discovered the secret of the ooze in the aptly titled Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, the secret of the ooze, which also introduced us to Toka, Razar, Super Shredder, and also Vanilla Ice as Ninja Wrap. And now it brings us all the way to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, Turtles in Time, as I insisted is called. Guys, I found out with an able to third podcast is it's too beautiful to live, and I

apologize to them for not having that information on hand earlier. It wasn't in the original email that I got. So I just forgot to. So your mouth is saying you apologize, but your face is saying, I don't care. I just want to say that. Now what are the podcasts can see my face? You're throwing into the bus. Just to defend Dan, too beautiful to live. I just wanted to defend Dan that how can he remember to look up the information ahead of time? He's only been doing this podcast for a decade. He's only done this podcast for longer than anyone can legally be president of the United States.

Yeah. So you talked a little bit about the, uh, extended cast in the teenage meeting in Jeterdell's, uh, universe. But I think you forgot to break. Yeah, you talked a little bit about the extended cast in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles universe, but I think you forgot the break. Yeah, you forgot the breakout star. Casey Jones played by Teen Heartthrob, Elias Codias. Was he a Teen Heartthrob? I mean, now he's an up and down all those Chicago Fire Shows. Oh, okay.

Teen's love Chicago fire shows. But I was watching, I was watching this with my wife, as I mentioned. And in between looking at, you know, looking at her, iPad to play solitaire, she looked up at the screen every once in a while. And she saw, she saw Casey Jones come on screen and she's like, where do I know that guy from? And I had to, I had to do the research and let her know that he's in all of her favorite Chicago shows.

Uh-huh. He's in a lot of great stuff. And he's in Zodiac. He's a great actor. He's a lot of stuff. He's awesome. Yeah. He's one of her favorite Chicago shows.

Chicago Fire, Chicago Law, Chicago PD and Chicago Med. Ha, ha, name them all. Wow. You did it. But they're all like, they're all like, it's like the fucking MCU over there, but it's in Chicago. Okay. Like it causes a world where Chicago is a city. And people can live in it and go from different, like interaction, different careers. Like the same way that Hulk shows up in Thor, Ragnarok in Chicago, someone else who lives in Chicago

might show up. Sure. Just because they're there. I mean, it happens. Yeah, don't take my word for it. Check out Chicago at your local library. Bad app out. Okay, guys, let's get into this movie

because the great thing about Teenage Mutants Chertles 3, Turtles in Time, is that we've reached the third chapter in the series. And in most movie series, the third chapter is when the movie is kind of a run out of ideas and start going a little bonkers. Sometimes that can be great, as in the aforementioned Thor Ragnarok, in which they decide what makes the most sense for this ancient God. I guess we'll throw him in a space battle in like a space gladiator contest on the other side of the universe and it works out great. In this case did you see the statue face of a beta ray bill on that planet? Yeah, I got and the bi-beast was on there but I was super excited.

I was running around the theater pointing at the screen telling everybody Beta Ray Bill Beta Ray Bill and there's man thing and that yeah, but the I Only problem I had with better a bills face showing up on that building was it told me beta Ray Bill is not gonna be appearing in the mid credits Reveal scene because I was holding out hope that he was going to show up because I love that guy so much that Ors face stadium. I love better a bill anyway So ninj so the first movie in the series they introduced the characters who are these guys second movie in the series They delve into the origins third movie. It's like What do we do with these guys and in this case the decided send them backwards in time to feudal Japan

In this case, they decided send them backwards in time to feudal Japan. But why not? It's organic to the turtle franchise. That first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie came out like at the perfect time for me. Like I was at the right age to be like, I am super into this movie. And then the second one came out just slightly too late for me.

Like I definitely felt like I was a slightly older kid going to a little kids movie. And then this one I didn't see in the theater because at that point it had passed me by quite a bit. Oh see I have a couple years younger than you. So the first two movies were right in my sweet spot. Out first movie, wait they're making a movie about the Ninja Turtles, my favorite characters in the world. I had to go see it. Second one, this is gonna be great. I love it.

Yeah, grandma, take me to Ninja Turtles 2, secret of the news, because I made my grandmother sit through the whole movie. And then, by the time Turtles 3 came out, I had that feeling of like, I should be too old for this, but I'm gonna go see it anyway. I'm feeling like I was seeing a little kid movie. So you've seen this one previous. You've seen this. This is real. I saw this in the theaters.

Oh my god. Since I didn't see it, since I saw the theaters, but it was amazing how I didn't remember a lot of it, but there were moments in it where I was like, I remember that moment. Yeah. I remember when the same line go back through time and they're underpants, yeah.

So you waited in line for hours and days just to get into a screen in this movie. I set up a tent. Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. What year is this? 93? Yeah, as an 11 year old, I just set up that pup tent and and camped out for days. My parents were like, you have to come home. Child services going to take you away if you don't come home. And I said, no, I gotta see turtles. I gotta see the turtles go in time as is in the title of the film. Yeah. Yeah.

I just saw the first movie in the theater. I was probably even a little too old to be going to see the first movie at the time in the theater, but my friend was like, hey, your baby setters are like, I gotta do something with this guy. Yeah. With this 14 year old. I know, I do think it was like a case where like my friend

was going to go see a movie and that was the acceptable movie to his parents for us to see. So I'm just like, yeah, I don't go see movies. This is great. I love movies. Any kind of movie. Give it to me. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

Yep. Your friends like, oh, okay, Dan, I guess I'll take you to this thing. And I was surprised. I enjoyed the first one more than I thought. I think mostly because I don't know, like this is like Hanson Creep, Jim Hanson Creature effects for the turtles and shredder. In the first two movies. And the first, yeah, this one is noticeably cheaper, but they kind of had like kind of charming more ambitious in scope.

Yeah. Now, is it now when you say notice noticeably cheaper does that include the grotesque quality of the turtles mouth movements? You found that grotesque I you know I found something weirdly It's kind of like Odysseus in the sirens like I had Charlie I had Charlene time me to the couch So I didn't walk to the screen and smash my face into their mouths. But uh, so let's talk it. So Ninja Turtles, let me just say we're off the bat. I've lost track with them, let that to be honest. But when I was a kid, I was a kid.

I was given my call. Just catch up. Yeah, I got a call up Donatello, my favorite. I was a huge shellhead as a kid. Watch the show religiously. I collected all the toys, couldn't wait for the movies. Like Ninja Turtles is one of those things where my whole life was about it when I was like eight.

Did you play the TMNT arcade game? Oh yeah, all the time. Yeah. I spent, there was a roller skating rink near my house that had the TMNT, the big arcade game. And I used to just pump quarters into that. I don't know how skating rink near my house that had the TMNT the big arcade game And I used to just pump quarters into that I don't know how much my college money went went into that that could have been gone into giving me an education But uh that but now it's one of those things where I'm like I still enjoy Ninja Turtle related stuff every now and then

I guess like and they reboot the comic books sometimes I'll check it out But it boggles my mind that there are people in my age who are still like, yeah, I'm a huge Ninja Turtles fan. I'm all about Ninja Turtles. That seems crazy to me. Now, is your attitude based on just general turtle stuff or is it based on, say, the quality of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles three turtles in time? Wait, my attitude of why not really being that into it?

Yeah. Yeah. Is it based on like just you, you are now too old to appreciate the basic qualities of the Ninja Turtles or apparently not because as we'll find out we talk of the movie, I enjoy this movie a lot more than I thought I was going to. No, it's because I just grew up and I got into grown up things like like Frank Miller's run on Daredevil. I don't know stuff, you know. I don't know stuff. The stuff that the stuff that T.A.'s mutant digital is originally was kind of parody. Yeah, exactly. I said, why am I dealing with adaptation when I can

go straight to the source? Now, okay, let's talk about this particular movie though. And keep in mind, you're talking to an original shellhead. I'm looking right now, actually, I can see on my bookcase my battered old collection of the original Eastman and layered Ninja Turtles comics that I sent away for with cereal box tops to get and was very traumatized by how violent it was when it arrived in the mail. What cereal was it?

It was like turtle bit serial or whatever the Ninja Turtle serial was called or Ninja Turtle serial. Was it like pizza flavored? No, but it was in the shape of pizza and little ninja nets and like little bows. I have a maze little sherekins. I'm amazed that that like that child's serial would send you the original Eastman and

latered comics rather than like some goofy like me too. Partoon influence. Yeah, well, serial knows it like you're like a cool elite comics gamer dude, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That serial is like, oh, this this serial that's little candy pieces in the shape of ninja nets and and pizza slices. This is just for the discerning independent black and white comics reader. But anyway, okay, let's get let's get back is now is did I eventually get that book signed by Peter Laird? Yes, I did. But let's move on to the onto the movie at hand. Okay. The age of union turtle three turtles in time. Let's talk about this film because we have not for a while.

Okay, we begin. We begin in Japan 1603 and a samurai prince. Yes. Do we is there a title card that says Japan 1603? Or am I just supposed to? Yes, there is says Japan 1603 or am I just supposed to yes there is okay I thought I was just says I was looking at my phone it was the end of a really important Kickstarter for me So I missed some parts, but I thought the movie was pretty pretty cool by Just assuming the audience was smart enough to pick up on context clues There's a there's I mean there's a surprising amount of this movie where they're just like kids.

We expect you to know the basics of of like samurai clan politics in man in the 1617 centuries. You're supposed you just need to know that this is a time of war in clans. Although I thought it's at 1603, but on the Wikipedia entry, it says 1593. So I don't know. Maybe they pushed it forward 10 years for the digital release. I don't know. Sure. But a, there's a runaway, there's a prince.

He's the son of Lord Noranaga, who is a warring, a Dimeo, or, you know, Klan Hetzman. Uh, he's being chased by four Samarang horseback. There's a lot of ADR yelling and it's all being watched by a lady Bowman with a bow and arrow as they, as these print, as these Samarized Chase after this prince in capture. Cut to the turtles, they're in their, they're high doubt that they established, I think at the end of the second movie that's like an abandoned train station and they spend a ton of time dancing around to a song that goes, I can't stop rocking. And now, is it?

They do a lot of original script. Do you think the script describes their actions? Or they're just like 10 minutes of Turtle Goofen? I think it was like, yeah, step by step. It was like interior, a band and train station. The four turtles and their names are listed in their ages. Dance in a conga line type arrangement to this song, and then cut to, Raphael jumps around showing off

his weaponry, cut to Leonardo jumps around, showing off his weaponry, because they're all kind of showing off their weapons and doing kids. It's a really great way of, it's a really great bit of exposition, similar like the Chris Claremont X-Men comics, right? Yeah, yeah, for this couple of pages, he describes every character.

Every time Storm sees like a small room, she goes, oh, but I'm claustrophobic from when I was a child in Cairo. Yep. And havoc has always faced with a situation where he could use his powers, but he would totally smear the shit out of the person if he used it. It's like I might accidentally blow up Rogue or something. And Rogue's like, I wish I could touch you, Darlin, but my power, the first time I ever used it, it stole my boyfriend's memory and put him in a coma. It's like, yeah, Rogue, you've told me like a hundred times.

Like Rogue, enough sharing. Anyway, I touched someone with memory loss. I don't know. And then I didn't know anything for a while. I touched that momentum and now I remember things backwards. That's not how that movie works, Rogue. I don't know. Anyway, I got a date with Gambit tonight and Gambit's like,

oh, Mon Budit, oh. Uh huh, yep. How much longer we gonna do this bit? Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. We didn't even get to the part Wolverines like I got to keep the animal inside me controlled. That's the samurai way.

Speaking of samurai, let's get back to the TNVNittertles. Now, here's something that I'm just gonna jump ahead for a moment. Here's something the movie never really gets at. Samarise and ninjas hate each other. Yeah, yeah. So they should be, it just enters into it. And it's almost like this movie was made by people

who didn't really get the difference between ninjas and samurai's. But I mean, you're bringing that up as if you're informing people. But I think everybody already knows that ninjas and samurai are very different things. I'll hit one of them. Let's put a pin in that though.

One of them has has no honor and the other their entire life is for their clan and Dimeo. Exactly. Let's put a pin in that though because Raphael gets mad while they're posing breaks their boom box. He says he's tired of practicing. That's when he's a real hot head. That's when that's that's that's practicing what they were doing. I guess. Yeah. There are

practice. A lot of their practicing involves dancing to a can't stop rocking. April visits. She's about to leave on vacation and she gives everybody gifts. And the gift she has for splinter is an antique Japanese lantern cut to 17th century Japan again. And this is something that the movie does a lot that I think is hilarious, which is it cuts between the present and the 17th century as if they were happening concurrently. Something will happen in the 17th century. And then in present day, they'll be like, ah, well, I can't believe it. And it's like, wait a minute, you guys know that everything that happened the 70th century was 300 years before the events of the present, right?

So they could just look up in a book what happens. They don't need to be in suspense about it. Is this also the laziest way to introduce the inciting object of the April just like wanders into the movie with gifts. So it's just like, oh, here's a gift. It's a time traveling wand. It'll start, it'll kick this movie off. And she's like, splinter loves old things. Here goes splinter.

And it's like, it is, yeah, it is very lazy. I'll give you that. Especially when it turns out, there's a prophecy involved. There's a real couple of really great shots in this opening sequence where splitter is standing at this like desk while he's talking to the guys or like, and he'll like slam his hands down on the top of the table and you can see his like rubber fingers clearly bending in weird angles. Well, Splitter, you never see Splitter from the waist down in this, I think.

He's always behind a table or a door and it's clear I think they just made the top half of the Splitter. I mean, I think it's because always behind a table or a door. And it's clear. I think they just made the top half of the splinter. I mean, I think it's because he respects his co-workers. Yeah. And he's they don't need to see him below the waist. Yeah. Without a hurry for his job. I assumed it was because much like in a sitcom when the lead actress is pregnant, splinter was pregnant, but they didn't want to write that in for the character. So they just framed him behind grocery bags or like standing behind a couch. Yeah, they didn't sneak in any references in the second one where like splinter is like barfing because anytime somebody barfs in a movie or like pregnant.

Yeah, that's what it means. There's also, here's something I want to mention here. They make the turtles and this is, I found very realistic for teenagers. They're just like obnoxious joke machines. They're always making stupid wisecracks that are not funny. And but they're always making pop culture references that are like too old for the target audience. There's a lot of like Elvis references. Later they make a bunch of Clint Eastwood references.

And like at one point, when they show up in the past, they're like, dude, we're in showgun. And it's like, no kid knows what showgun is. Like come on. the pastor like dudes were in show gun and it's like no kid knows what show gun is like come on. It's it's it's it's this weird movie where it's like these characters they really tapped into the obnoxiousness of teenagers, but then they gave them the frame of reference of the 40 year old man that I assume wrote the movie. Yeah. So how did they overlook that Dan? How do they overlook that in their research? I'm not sure, but I wanted to say that you had a killer teenage mutant and endgitertal voice there.

And I say voice because all of the turtles sound exactly alike. Yeah, they're obviously Corey Feldman, right? Yeah, Donatello. Yeah. Their voices except for the one that's, yeah, clearly Corey Feldman are indistinguishable. And like, say what you bought the original animated series, it's a goofy show, but they have

such distinct voices in that. And like, I feel like when I think about the turtles, those are the voices that I hear. Why didn't they just hire those guys, you know, what was that all about? They're not big enough. Clearly, they weren't big enough. They weren't big enough. They needed big stars like Corey Feldman. And doing voiceover work for a cartoon is very different from doing voiceover work for

like a horrible animatronic monster. Now we're the mountain like a claymation figure that has come to life and also had a stroke. Yeah, we're both eyes are moving independently. And one of the things I remember about the first movie is that it was lit very darkly. And that covered up a bunch of the sins of the makeup effects, whereas this movie, they're like, everything's in broad daylight. Yeah, it's like a sitcom lighting and this thing. It's just a general wash of brightness.

Yeah, you know what I just looked up on Wikipedia, I didn't realize, so the music in this movie, which is not bad, the score, it's not terrible, was done by John Duprey, or John Duprey, who now is like Eric Eitel's musical partner, that they do all of Eric Eitel's musical stuff that we worked with. I had no idea.

So that's probably how we got the game. Yeah. Yeah, Eric Eitel was like, I'm too busy. So that's probably how we got the game. Yeah. Yeah, Eric Idol was like, I'm too busy to do the music for this Ninja Turtles movie. You do it, John. Or is that how they met? Eric Idol was in one of the turtle costumes? Yeah, he was one of the dancers.

Well, that explains the ending of this movie where all the turtles are crucified and they sing that song together. Yeah, Dan, because that's yeah, sure. Okay. Wait, I don't know why that one didn't work for you. But I know it's a reference to Monty Python's life of Brian crucifixion was also a punishment in feudal Japan. So it was a real danger for them.

And I appreciate it. A little bit of sensitivity. I mean, the absurdity of it. And it's child's movie, these turtles will be crucified. I mean, I'm assuming our listeners are zipping over to Deviant Art to double check that there hasn't in any any. And he crucified turtles work. Yeah, well, like Sonic and Knuckles cry at their feet. So we go back to the 17th century. We know that this is where the bad guy lives because there's bad guy music playing courtesy of John Duprey and the prince argues with his dad Lord Noranaga

You're waging war and I don't like it and the dad is being supported by an Englishman named Walker who's a kind of gun runner pirate with a crew of Ridiculously cartoonish kind of pirate henchmen And Walker's delivering guns and ships just like Lafayette did in Hamilton The prince throws a fit. He doesn't like it. He knocks over a statue revealing a magic lantern. That's the same lantern that April O'Neill is holding in our time. And that lantern glows.

A scroll opens up that shows the four turtle boys as if they've appeared in ancient Japan before. And the Prince asks the lantern to open wide the gates of time. Because I guess he knew already what it was just by looking at it. Like, at some point, he was like, oh, there it is. I forgot where I put my magic time traveling wand lantern. Maybe he was spinning it. Maybe he was reading some text that was written on the wand.

Oh, that's possible. That could have been a little clearer, but maybe that's what it is. What, Dan, what is it with magic and it's having their inscriptions just written on it and then people reading it out loud instead of reading it to themselves, like you normally would read anything that you're saying the first time? Oh, your problem is that they speak it out loud.

That all these readers are like reading as if they're children rather than the problem being that you think that they should have a separate instruction manual for these things. I mean, we'll be sure they did, but. I mean, I'm a little tired of these performative magic item handlers. Oh, yeah. Like I get it, dude, you want our attention.

Yeah. You're the one holding the magical scepter. But it's like anytime somewhat like in the evil dead type stuff. I found this old book. What does it say? Hmm, clad to Barada, Nick Toe, a corpus madundum, and then the dead rise up. And it's like, when have you ever opened a book alone and just started reading aloud from it?

Everyday Barnes and Noble's dude. That's when they kick you out of Barnes and Noble. Uh-huh. Naruto says. To quote. Neuruto says to quote her. Neuruto says, so you're like, you're like narrating to yourself what's happening in like the panel for all the other guys that are sitting in the aisle. Are you talking about the superhero poet Pablo Naruto?

Yeah, he wears that metal headband thing and he's got like whiskers drawn on his face. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, you guessed it, of all the times in time for this magic gate to open up to, it opens up to when April O'Neal is holding it. We see a little bit of my favorite thing in movies, which is 80s electrical effects when there's like bolts of magic electricity flying around that

were and animated on. I love those. Go watch Ghostbusters. It's full of them. Go watch Big Treble in Low China. How are the duck has a bunch? It's really great. And she switches places and clothes with the prints because much like the termininator, I guess, this magic wand can only send, I guess, organic materials through the mail of time. Yeah. Well luckily also they're the same size. They're like the clothes that beautifully. Oh, wonderful. No, she also sent back with her Walkman,

unless that guy has the same Walkman. Well, considering later, she is considered a witch because she has the Walkman. I think it's probably not his walk, the Princess Walkman. My favorite thing too, like when the Walkman starts playing and like all the samurai are like, what is this witchery? And they like take their swords and hit the Walkman. It does that thing that happens in movies where the song just sort of warms down.

I'm like, yeah. That's not what would happen. It's not what you stop. As if you're a real machine. It works like a record player, right? I love that. Yeah, that's pretty good. So the Japanese prince, he sees the ninterals that are like, ah, Kappa's, ah, because

he thinks of course that they're turtle demons that what live in rivers and they have bowls on their head. And if you can get them to the other side. It's true, they're either false or false. They're either that or the popular clothing, like sports clothing line that has the two mudflap girls back to back. Is that called Kappas?

Kappa, yeah, yeah. Kappa, I'm not familiar with that. It's kind of like umbro or something. It would be soccer shorts. Aren't you a big, I mean, you kind of have the body for soccer shorts, Ellie, and I'm surprised you don't wear them. Thank you. I have been complimented on my legs.

There was a time, did this happen to you guys? There was a time in middle school when every kid in my town was wearing umbrows all the time, just as regular shorts. And there was a run on umbrose at the local store, Kix and Sticks, local sporting goods store. And, but it's- Are they talking about way, are sticks referring to your legs?

No, no, that was for like, like hockey sticks and stuff. Yeah, okay. And, but then all of a sudden like six months later, nobody was wearing umbrose. It was lame to wear umbrose. What was that all about? And Kixin' Six had overordered and now they're just sitting on this waist. Elliott, you're assuming that there was ever a time when I was a child, when I was aware

of what was cool and what was not cool to wear. But you were into that hyper-color stuff, right? So you knew what was cool, body glove shirts, all that stuff. Uh-huh. Yeah, but he had a huge woody shirt instead of a big Johnson shirt So he looked like a real no Yeah, that's nerdy. You need big Johnson. Yeah, well Dan. What co-ed naked sport did you wear the shirt up? Like co-ed naked

Okay, I'm not proud of yeah Make it improv and then it would be like yeah, it's always yes and get improv and then it would be like, yeah, it's always yes and. Or something like that. Yeah. A reference that young Stewart would never have gotten. I wasn't allowed to wear those shirts. The other shirt that I had to turn inside out because I wore it to school was a band, a t-shirt for the band tool because it had a, a, a foulish shaped wrench on the back.

Oh, I say, did you guys ever have to do your shirt outside? No, no, I didn't. I didn't. There was a half an hour into this. I was at that one. My school, Dan, I have a story that's very relevant. Okay.

There was a time when my school banned Simpsons T shirts because the Simp Bart Simpson was a bad influence. But could you wear the bootleg ones? Yeah, the bootleg ones. But otherwise, kids were just wearing big Johnson and Woody T-shirts. It was crazy. And I think the adults just didn't get it.

Anyway, so let's get back to the movie. The Japanese princess appeared and splinter in the turtles figure out what's happened incredibly easily. They were like, whoa, he must have traveled through time. Why did they make fun of the way he's dressed? Because April was just wearing those fucking clothes. Because they look ridiculous on a dude, jeans and another jacket and a t-shirt. Come on, nobody wears that. Why do they keep calling James Dean? Doesn't

it like do they call they call April O'Neill James Dean too? They might. I mean, it's possible they thought James Dean showed up. I don't know. They're turtles. Who knows how they see the world. But there's a moment where I was like, that's pretty lazy that they figured it out easily. And then I was like, no, wait a minute. That's a huge relief.

That we don't have to go through scene after scene of them trying to figure out that what happened. They just instantly are like, oh, she got displaced in time by this Japanese guy. Well, we got to go save her. Meanwhile, the Japanese think that April's a witch because of her walk, man. They also think she kidnapped the prince, but Walker, the English pirate, for some reason knows she's not a witch immediately. He's just, he just calls her bluff. Donatello in the present figures out that it involves equal mass transference and they only have 60 hours to save April before she's stuck in Japan forever. And that's when Mikey brings in, you guessed it,

Stuart's favorite, Casey Jones, as Elias Codius to just watch the prints while they go back in time, I guess. That's the scene where it just walks in and he's like, look who I brought in and then like, yeah, he literally just says, hey, dudes, I brought a little backup and he's like, look who I, bro, then. And then like, yeah, he literally just says, Hey, dudes, I brought a little backup. And then he slides into the scene and then the whole crowd goes, fucking wild. Like people get a shit. It's a real, it's a real cramour moment. He just goes, whoa, whoa, in the audience, when the crowd's like yelling at him for being racist. No, no, that's a Michael Richards moment. It's about a cramour moment. Yeah. April gets locked in a dungeon with an English pirate mutant near

who looks a lot like Casey Jones with a beard on and short hair, which means nothing like Casey Jones. And I would not have recognized him if she didn't go Casey. Just shows you what a master of disguise the Lyskodeuses. It turns out that the prince is in love with Mitsu, the leader of the rebellion against Lord Nornaga.

The turtles go back in time. They replace Lord Nornaga's bodyguard in the middle of a battle. And did you want to see people in bulky turtle suits ride around clumsily on horses while wisecracks are ADR'd onto the soundtrack? Because guess what, guys, you're going to get it. And you got it, because that's what it happens. The turtles almost instantly lose Michelangelo, Well, guys, you're gonna get it. And you got it, because that's what it happens. The turtles almost instantly lose Michelangelo, who is kidnapped by Mitsu,

and somebody takes the scepter, the magic timeline, but we don't know who. And it's tough because, you know, those turtles, the majority of their acting comes from their mouths, but now they're wearing these weird masks, so they have to do extra eye acting to get across those jokes. And a lot of those hilarious jokes that are basically just comparing everyone to Elvis.

And there was one line in it that where they're like, oh, my Japanese isn't so good. Mitsubishi Subaru. And it's like, dude, I'm offended that this, that's in the movie. But also, your master is Japanese. One, maybe he didn't teach Japanese, but have some respect for his culture, you know, like, but I guess they're teenagers. They're all about rebelling against their authority figures, discipline and values. So, you know what? I get it. It makes sense in character. I rejected even as a joke premise. Like, what do the turtles think that they're trying to say by saying those cards?

Like, they are aware that they're not going to be communicating anything. Yeah, it's like that time Dan and I were playing Mike Tyson's punch out and Piston Honda came up and they had Piston Honda's quote and he's just saying a bunch of Japanese words and Dan's like fuck you Nintendo. Yeah, it's exactly like that when that happened. Well, I'm sorry. missed that time. Sounds like you had a great time with that one. That's good. We had a great time. That was another installment in Dan's xenophobic Nintendo Memories.

There's also the time, this is not xenophobic. The time you're playing Metroid and you're like, can't wait to see how this cool dude underneath his helmet. He must be such a cool masculine dude. And you saw that Samus Aran was a woman and you were like, fuck it shit. You tricked me. You tricked me. You told me a girl all this time. Yeah, and the Nintendo's flying out the window going, really makes you think. It was worth the sacrifice. You sent a very angry letter to then presidents of Nintendo of America, Howard Lincoln. I was just like, I think that was his name.

I don't know. I just know him from that cartoon that was in Nintendo power where he and, like, what was the, do you know, you're thinking of, you're thinking of Nestor. Nestor. No, but he always like talked to Howard. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Oh, I never even put two and two together that that's who that Howard was. Yeah, that was who it was. I thought it was Howard the duck turned into a person.

Yeah, I thought it was Howard from Howard's end. I thought it was Howard from Howard's head, the sequel to Herman's head. They do sequels to TV shows now? Yeah, sure, Will and Grace. So anyway, that was the sequel to Will. Oh, okay. Any sequels to TV shows now? Yeah, sure, Will and Grace. So anyway, that was the sequel to Will. Oh, okay. Anyway, I'm just gonna say right here,

this feature film has a very TV movie feel to it. It very much feels, this is the Golden Globus version of the sequel, like the Superman 4.1, where you're like, okay, this is a noticeably cheaper movie than the last one. But as Stuart said, very ambitious because we learned that Walker is pushing Nernaga to buy more guns. But Nernaga, he wants this missing sector because it has time travel powers and it's magical. It belongs to his clan and if he loses it, that's huge dishonour in his clan.

The turtles free April from the dungeon, mainly by fat-shaming the dungeon guard, which I also did not approve of. Yeah, that was wild. And a lot of their jokes. And there's a couple of scenes where they're sneaking into, because they're ninjas, they were sneaking into the castle. And like guards would show up and then the ninja turtles would just like lazily swap them and knock them over.

Yeah, they're, they're really not giving, I mean, the turtles are supposed to be fighting machines, but you're not giving us a lot of faith in this special bodyguard for Lord Norinaga. These are. His army is staffed entirely by incompetence who can't stand up in their own armor. There's so many wisecracks at this point, you can't even hear all of them. They're just like overlapping each other into a rich blanket of wisecracks. They escape from the dungeon into the muck pile of the castle and they slip around in the mud forever. You mean he takes them forever? When they slip into that muck pile, they literally say,

oh no, not another sewer or something. And it's like, but you guys live in the sewer. It should feel like home to you. Well, I guess maybe they're getting at that they don't want to live in the sewer, it should feel like home to you. Well, I guess maybe they're getting at that they don't want to live in the sewer, they don't choose to live there, you know? And it's kind of like in the ocean. I mean, there would still be some level of comfort, unless I guess the sewer is tied in with some level of trauma. I mean, there, they are turtles and a rat. I mean, if they're not comfortable in the sewer, then where are they going to be comfortable?

I don't know, dude. That's just your time of lots of turtles and rats. You're making a lot of assumptions here. Yeah, Dan, that's maybe it's easy from you with your white male privilege to assume that turtles and rats, they already live in sewers. They must love sewers and do that by choice. No, Dan, look at the social, the social forces that are forcing them to live in the sewer, like speciesism, racism, anti-ninja sentiment.

That's not fair. Yeah, that's the, I can't remember how often I've heard people saying, those ninjas belong in the sewers. Yeah, Dan's always like, we walk by a sewer, sewer grate, and there's a pile of empty pizza boxes and Dan's like, ugh, always eat all the pizzas in the sewers.

Yes, there once was a time when you didn't have to worry about ninjas in your sewers back in the good old days. Anyway, let we go to the village where Michelangelo has been captured by the rebels. We don't say they're long. Raphael and the turtles are looking for Michelangelo mainly by wandering through the forest yelling Michelangelo. Raphael loves how clean everything is.

It's not the sewer, it's fresh air. So Dan, you consider yourself refuted. The movie literally has them talk about how much they like that they're not in the sewer. Oh, God. But they're attacked by villagers. But everything's okay when they reveal their turtles. Because when the villagers see that their turtles

rather than saying, ah, monsters and fighting harder, fighting harder instead they like it's cool everybody their turtles and don't worry everyone in this japanese village in the 17th century speaks english so it's totally cool because they met michael angelo already so like that's why they're cool with these other turtles and he what any what taught them english well that's what i don't understand like early on the print start speaking english and uh And they like real like right away, they explain like, Oh, yeah, back, back then in feudal Japan, they had some trading partners from the West and they taught them

English. So that's why everyone's going to be able to speak English in the rest of the movie. Okay. That's the basis covered. Yeah. Right. They've covered that base. But it's, Michelangelo, it's not like they're treating him well. He's been imprisoned in a shed and he just lies around there doing nothing. So it's not like, it's not like he's the mayor of the town now and they see the turtles. They're like, oh, like our best friend, Michelangelo. Yeah, well, no, this is actually what I'm saying. It's confusing to me like, why the fact that they have met one other turtle makes it cool. They meet these other like these three turtles. They're like,

okay, like I guess it takes some of the shock off of meeting three other giant turtles, but it doesn't mean that you're like, it definitely takes out takes away the rush of like knowing that you're fighting and possibly killing other humans. At that point, they're like, isn't even worth it killing a turtle man. Now, they return to the village to find out it's being attacked by pirates who want the scepter. They think Michelangelo is a demon. Everybody thinks the turtles are demons in this movie. What they're maybe the least threatening-looking demons since they accept their faces are so creepy when they talk. So maybe it is. The brothers you've reunited and they drive off the English pirates. Are you saying it's not threatening for turtles to cover their giant shells with like a weird Baja or some kind of like

blanket outfit? Yeah, I feel so bad for those actors having no not only work in the turtle suit, but also like layer and layer of clothing. And like, and like ugly Hawaiian clothes, basically. Whoa. It's like, these turtles are all big, buffet heads, so they love it. I love that you're like, oh, they're upset that they're in ugly Hawaiian clothes. They're like, I can't be like my normal sexy turtle cell.

So is this when, was this when Michael Angelo saved, what is it? Yoshi, the little boy. Yoshi. Yes. Michael Angelo saves a kid, Yoshi from a burning house, and then Leonardo revives the kid with CPR, thus showing to everybody that they're, these are good turtles. They're good. That's he goes on a long time.

They suspect he's performing black magic when he's doing CPR to Yoshi. And then as soon as Yoshi wakes up and everybody's happy, the first person to pick up Yoshi is Leonardo, which is a little weird, I would think like his family would be the first ones to rush the child. Yeah, but you kind of don't want to rush at a giant turtle demon that just used magic to bring your boy back to life from the dead.

That's so true. That's the thing to you. boy back to life from the dead. That's true. Who knows what to do to you. He give it life. He can also take it away. I've seen pet cemetery. You're right. Mm-hmm. And you know what?

There's a lot of in pet cemetery. Turtles. Turtles. Lots of them to turtles. You're right. You always say that to me. I forget. You always say that to me.

I've had to tell Stuart, you know, it's in pet cemetery. Turtles. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I forget. You always say that. I've had to tell Stuart, you know, it's in pet cemetery, turtles. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I forgot. You make a good point. That reminds me, this is not related to the turtles. My son invented a motto yesterday for himself. Okay. We were, oh no, it was the day before yesterday.

We're eating at an all-you-can-eat Korean barbecue restaurant. It was really good. And he goes, we're like, Sam, are you gonna be ready for lots of meat? And he goes, you know me, I'm always hungry. And so, and so since then his motto has been, I'm always hungry. You know, I, having stayed with you for a couple of days

when I was out in LA, like that does not seem to be true about your sign, actually. I saw several meals where he was like, no food, thanks. No. Well, he loves to snack, but also it changes. When he's going through like a growth spurt, he eats like crazy, everything, all the time. Yeah.

I do like that motto though. It's funny to hear a three and a half year old say, you know me. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, everyone understands what my thing is. Ha classic bit. I'm always eating. Really? Sammy. Okay. So, but Yoshi is saved and the turtles know the heroes of the village, but Nora Naga reveals to Walker that this explains this scroll that turtle demons once over through his ancestors. He can't allow that to happen again. So now he wants guns, but he won't pay

gold for them. Too many scenes in the movie are based around Lord Nornauga just negotiating with Walker over what he's going to pay for guns with as if kids are going to give a shit like what currency he's using to buy cannons. But this also implies that the turtles what at a later date they went even further back in time and over through Lord Norinaga's ancestors like are they leaving the door open for teenage union turtles for turtles in time again. I mean, has there I mean there's nothing in the movie that indicates that they couldn't go back in time again, right? It's not like the wand. They don't lose the wand at the very end of the movie.

Now, the boiler alert, they put a lot of effort into talking about Lord Norinaga getting guns, but at no point do they show how guns would change the dynamic in the movie at all. Like, it's not like they show like guys with guns are really good at beating the Ninja Turtles. No, but I guess it's well that they show like guys with guns are really good at beating the ninja turtles. No, but I guess it's well that they're using that they're saying the guns will help them to feed defeat villagers, I guess, because when those pirates come in with the guns, they really lay waste that village until the TMNT is coming and stop them. The turtles are what you'd call

like an X factor. Nobody knows exactly how they how they'll be defeated, but you got to believe that guns and cannons are going to have a better shot than just swords, although has the movie shows us. Not really, but I'm glad you found it. Let's keep moving. But yeah, it's it's true that the guns do prove relatively ineffective against the turtles later on, but we haven't gotten there yet. blah, blah, blah, blah. They try to ride horses. Leonardo's the only one who can ride them. They try, they need to find the scepter. Maybe they can make one, but that fails.

Medieval Casey, he has to go to them, go with them back to the present day. And April is like, I don't want to have this conversation right now. Let's just, and it's weird because they're having a conversation as if they have a relationship like April. And it's like between scenes in April a conversation is if they have a relationship like April and it's like between scenes in April and medieval Casey Jones have sex. Like, is that what happens? Because the implication is that they're already

have feelings for me. I mean, I can show you some fan fiction that probably says that that's true. I mean, I mean, you're, she's back in time, dude. All bets are off. I guess that's true. If it doesn't have a whole past century, doesn't count. Yeah.

And I mean, it looks really cool with a beard and with short hair. Like, and this guy seems to have a shit together a little better than future Casey Jones. But what if it's one of those things where April O'Neill has sex with medieval Casey Jones? Medieval Casey Jones gets impregnated and then it turns out April o'neill is the ancestor of casey Jones so when they're dating it's super weird because she's like his great great great great great great great grandmother uh... i mean i think there's something kind of beautiful about that right uh... no that's my that's my impression of morgan's reason watching

elliott's face as he scanned that thought and gave it the full way to deserve before saying no. It's like how because I know it's not okay for a guy to go back in time and have sex with his mom in high school back to the future taught us that. Yeah, but how far back in time can you go to have sex with your ancestor Dan? I know you've thought about this a lot. How far back in time do you think you have to go like more than 300 years? More than 300 years. This is a good question. Well, I mean, you're allowed to, so you're allowed to marry your cousins if you want to. Just in like modern life. You're allowed? Well, not first cousins, I don't think. I think, I think some places you are still first cousins. So if you're following that, I think that you could go back maybe five generations. I don't know how these two thoughts related to one another.

Yeah, that really, I feel like your math class told you about your dad. It was like by the transit of property of marrying your cousins, I think five generations. I'm wonder, so, Dan, you decided that while researching the script for the porn oh movie you're writing, which is also called Turtles in Time. It includes multiple footnotes explaining, it's okay because there's enough generations. Yeah. It's okay to be turned down, but not grossed out.

The scene in the Transformers movie where the guys like my relationship with her started when we were both miners. So it's okay for me to have sex with her now that I'm an adult and she's still a miner. I laminated the page from the law book and you're like, why is this in this movie? Yeah. This is, yeah, this does something about the screenwriter and about the director, but the movie that like this is not a necessary thing for a movie to include in it. Like, we've done the recent movie with a two hour plus fucking runtime.

That's how giant about giant transforming robots. It's not a movie about a court case about this guy's relationship with his minor bride. The thing is, it could have been about that court case, right? Think about how good a law a transformer would be. Yeah, that'd be great. After this prime is just the defense attorney in that one, yeah, sure. They just kept, yeah, pulling transformers in to the court to be a character of witnesses. And that was the whole thing.

Optimus, and I'd like to call the fan's Bumblebee. No, what? Bumblebee would be a terrible fucking witness, although it would be it it would be some creative use of sound clips. But like Optimus Prime is so good at speeches like they should have I'm surprised he doesn't speak at more universities in those movies.

Yeah, yeah. And our commencement speaker Optimusus Prime, and everyone's like, awesome. But what if it is like a, uh, he, he's in court and there are the judges about to set, I guess, declare him guilty. He's like, if you have no further arguments in your own defense, I'm going to have to declare you and he raises a gavel. And just as he about he raises a gavel. And just as he about to drop the gavel, opt as prime burst through the wall like a cool

late man or this eye object. And then the important documents and then the gavel transforms into a tiny little, like a little little robot or something and runs away. And they're like, whoa, that was a transformer too. Yeah. And the judge is like, what part of the transformer was I holding all that time when it was a gap hole? Yeah. Then it winks at him. Is that something? Credits.

Do you have to worry about that when you're driving a transformer car that the gear shift might be the transformer's penis? Did they think you're moving around? They must have snuck that joke in a transformer's. I mean, one of the transformers definitely had testicles in the movies, right? Yes. Yeah Devastator. So how did this? Yes, that would be devastating to see it to see a giant robot giant test. What's devastating about it? It's beautiful. It's natural You're right. I shouldn't body shame in my apologize. That's

So wait, what are you gonna do make fun of that? I've had a lot for farting out a parachute So what are you gonna do make fun of that? You had a lot for farting out a parachute. But I will make fun of that old robot for having a metal beard. It's natural, dude. Bodies get different when they get older. We had like giant testicles and no penis though, right? Like, are you making fun of his micro penis now?

Okay, I'm sorry. God, you guys are so mean. Microchip penis. Wait, yeah, you mean Punisher's tech guy, micro penis? Yeah. I do mean that. Punisher's technology. Yeah, I met that because he's riding on top of Devastator. He's driving in my guess.

Ah. Anyway, so they're trying to make their own sector, but it can't work. Casey Jones in the past is like, take me with you. I won't even talk about the standard trope and time travel movies of finding somebody in the past who looks just like your romantic interest in the present, because the implication is that I guess genetics doesn't change over time. Anyway, what led them to believe that they could just make a new chapter. Yeah, that they're like, we can figure this out.

We can make magic. Michelangelo tries to introduce pizza, but it doesn't work out. And the fact that he's in a country that does not yet have cheese or tomatoes, I think doesn't seem to phase him, but it doesn't work out. Raphael bonds with the village kids,

and he tells Yoshi, hey, you got to calm down. Don't lose your temper. Let's not fight. Let's fly kites because kites rhyme with fights, one of them's violent and one of them's not. Unless it's those fighting kites that have razors on them that used to attack other kites, but that's more of, I think, of an Afghanistan thing. So let's not worry about it. Really long aphorism to put on a t-shirt. Dan, stop editing my aphorisms and my affirmations. Okay.

Okay. Uh, Norinaga accepts that he's going to pay gold for guns because he needs guns to stop these demons. Uh, and Michelangelo talks to Mitsu about Prince Kenshin, who she misses. And there's a weird moment where Michelangelo seems to think that he has a chance with this princess if Kenshin doesn't come back. Like, there's a lot of weird romantic dynamics going on in this movie that they did not think

through all the way. That suddenly April seems to be with Casey Jones of the past. And Michelangelo seems to have a crush on this human woman. And it's just not gonna happen. Michelangelo, you're a hideous turtle monster. Like, just deal with it. Well, and also like, I mean, isn't the whole plan for them to go back?

Like, she's in love with someone else, dude. I mean, to put it the way that I think Huey Lewis did when he was describing this movie, they gotta go back in time, but by back in time, it means back to the present or back to the future, if you will, hence the movie of the same name, which is about the making of this movie. Kasey Jones in the present, he's just teaching those samurais had to play hockey,

but they just fight. And the implication is that samurais are just dumb. They're just goofy dumb, guys. But splinter somehow senses danger for the turtles 400 years after the fact. Like I said, splinter could just go to his ninja library, look up what happened to Lord Norgah in a book, and then he'd know it was going to happen. And it's edited as if this is going at the same time. It's like classic DW Griffith cross cutting as if these things were happening simultaneously, but they're not. Wouldn't it be wild if you went, like, Michelangelo? Wouldn't it be wild if he wouldn't picked up a book and he was reading the history and like the words were changing is he

red-em? I mean is it the idea that because they have this 60 hour you know timeline that energy drink? Yeah the 60 hour energy drink that I'm selling guys I want you guys to get in my a great rich quick-skein. How many bottles can I put you down for? Do, wait, so you're gonna sell them to me and then I have to resell them? Yeah. Do I take them to retailers? Or do I sell them directly to people? Look, man, as soon as you pay me and they're out of my hands,

I don't care what you do. Oh wow, you don't care about your brand, I get it. Okay, great, so we could sell them to school children with alcohol. Okay, there goes, there goes your 60 hour energy drink, Dan. Yeah, yeah, I mean, the lesson from herbal life. They would make perfect nut crackers, the 60 hour energy drink with a little bit of booze. What? What?

You don't know what a nut-lay dancer? No, you don't know what a nut cracker is. You know when you're on the beach and those guys wander around there selling like, yeah, that's a nut cracker. Oh, okay. I just thought of it as like a rum punch. No, they called a nut cracker. Oh, okay, I just thought of it as like a rum punch. No, they called a nut cracker. Oh, okay. I don't know why. Cause I think it gets you really drunk

and your head, the nut gets cracked. Oh, okay. Oh, that's not usually the part of the body I hear referred to as a nut. I guess people say that. They go, are you off your nut? And I'm like, no, my testicles are right here. They're supposed to be underneath me.

Uh huh. Anyway, Michelangelo and Raphael, they get into a fight and they break the scepter they made as if it was ever gonna work. Come on. Yeah, it's insane. And Mitsu says, oh no, we just heard the Dimeo Lorda Naga is gonna attack with guns tomorrow.

Raphael has a heart to heart with Yoshi. Yoshi is surprisingly knowledgeable but how Raphael might die the next day in battle. Raphael saves that wound though by giving him a yo-yo, and Yoshi gives Raphael the real scepter. He's the one who took it. He didn't want the turtles to leave, but now he wants them to go so they can leave before the people kill them. That night, Casey's ancestor, he demands the scepter, or he'll kill Mitsu, and they give it to him. Uh-oh. They've lost the scepter or he'll kill Mitsu and they give it to him Uh-oh They they've lost the scepter again just when they thought they had it again

and Walker brings Mitsu to Nguarnaaga and Old Casey gives the scepter to Walker now. It's a whole who's got the scepter which was the original title of the movie He didn't get turtles three who's got the scepter? April and the turtle sneak in they fat shame the dungeon keeper yet again. And free Mitsu from the dungeons. Mitsu has been kidnapped for roughly 35 seconds of screen time. Not a lot of suspense. The Turtles learn about the legend of them and they confront Lord Noranaga.

You'd think they'd beat him up in that being, right? Nope. Lots of fighting, people rushing, very unimpressive fighting, the stewards that earlier, Turtles just swatting guys out of the way. Sam Rai's falling down. That's what he, people rush in, very unimpressive fighting. That's Stuart said earlier, turtles just swatting guys out of the way. Sam rise falling down. At least one dude tries to, yeah, at least one dude tries to, tries to chop a turtle in the back. And I'm like, that's his most protected area, buddy.

Aim for the noggin, whereas Stuart would call it the nut. It's head. Yeah, I call it that all the time. The turtles free all the imprisoned villagers, and it's a, everybody was kung fu fighting, except they're not actually, they're just kind of waving swords around and punching each other.

Norena got in Leonardo's sword fight. It ends with Leo cutting off Norenaga's top knot, which is the ultimate disrespect. Yeah. He's been totally dishonored, and then he drops a huge bell on him, which is less disrespectful, but probably hurt more than getting his top knot he drops a huge bell on him, which is less disrespectful, but probably hurt more than getting his top not cut off. Yeah, I mean, the

that is April. That's threading quite a needle there, dropping that giant bell on that guy, because like if they're off by a fraction, that thing smashed in the hell out of them. Yeah. I mean, what if they did that, but there's also a clapper inside that bell? So that probably, that would have smashed his skull wide open. It's not like a bell is just a hollow thing. Well, wait, is that the type of bell that has a clapper or is that one of the ones that you just like ring by hitting it with a giant log? Oh, maybe that's what it is.

You just hit it with a mallet or a log. Maybe that's it. Maybe this. Like it's, like it's some kind of fucking ATSD, right guys? I don't know. Just hit it with a giant log. Because you hit it with a log. Dan, it's about the Battle some kind of fucking ATST right guys. I don't know what's happening with the time. Because you hit it with the log. Dan, it's about the Battle of Endor.

Come on. Many brave Ewoks died that day. And Matt, do you think there's a, do you think there's a like a Battle of Endor Memorial battlefield and a visitor center? And in the visitor center, there's a video that's like, and brave man on the sides of the Empire and the Ewok village gave their lives for what they believed in that day. And then a little kid looks up as mom and he's like, but brave men on the sides of the empire and the Ewok village gave their lives for what they believed in that day. And then a little kid looks up as mommy's like,

but what happened to all the bodies of the storm troopers? And she's like, don't say anything about that. And there's like a statue of a speeder bike trooper that was put up when the Ewoks wanted equal rights in the, you know, 100 years later. And they're like, we want to respect our heritage, our heritage of speed or bike riders. And now that you walk through like,

let's take down these statues, huh? They weren't even, that's, that's not history. That's just hate. And all these Imperial stormtroopers are like, that's my heritage, hey, stop it. Do you think that's happening? Yeah, Dan, you want to walk into this minefield? Yeah, I was like, this is a really great, uh, you know, uh, metaphor to explore, I think.

Yeah, Dan, sorry. I don't want to offend all of our, all our Neocon federate listeners, Dan. Uh, it's more of the conflation of the, the civil rights struggle with the, uh, the EWOX maybe that I, the eWalks are the heroes, Dan. I agree. I said, we're so moving on. All right, I'll just leave that racial mine field and step in mostly.

I think I stepped in one or two mines, mostly it's okay. Yeah. Walker has April, medieval Casey Jones, even though he's a turn coach says, no, don't shoot him, That wasn't part of the deal But Walker says maybe I'll shoot you too Leonardo challenges Walker to shoot them. He goes hey don't have your men do it You do it yourself Our demon magic will just protect us and the bullets will bounce back everyone's too afraid except Walker who fires a cannon at them

But Leo fires that Leonardo's head, but Leonardo ducks into his shell and the cannibal hits the bell and everyone's okay and it breaks the bell. Walker runs away because he's now the villain of the movie. Lord Noranaga having been mostly forgotten about by this point. In totally shame, dude. Like nobody's scared of a guy with his top not chopped off. You know, the idea of a top not chop. The idea of a samurai warlord being of a samurai. A samurai. A samurai. The idea of a samurai. A samurai.

The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai.

The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai.

The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. The idea of a samurai. I guess like what like like she's a taunt on and he's got to get side her belly. Yeah, I thought she smelled that on the outside. Wow, Ellie it's brain bridges today. Dan, is that something people say about Kristen Bell? The difference with it. She smells on the outside. Yeah. I don't know. I'll call up Dak Shipper and see what he has to say about it. That's a Star Wars name, Dan. That's not a real person.

That's a Star Wars name, Dan. That's not a real person. Anyway, Walker, then there's a very weird running gag where Walker is running for his life away from the turtles, but he keeps going out of his way to save his pet birds in a little bird cage. And I couldn't remember even being introduced to these bird characters before, but he's just like, oh, my birds, I'll take you like he he's, it's just this very strange comedy moment they go to a couple times of like, suddenly he loves birds. Which is crazy. It's a crazy little character touch. Yeah.

Yeah. Walker throws the sector away to distract them from escape, but the turtles catch it and Walker ends up plummeting very fakely off of a cliff into raging waters like the testament song of the same name. The turtles debate whether to stay or go back home, which is crazy. Cause one, they will have stranded five samurai from the 17th century in modern

day, New York, which is just like that's not okay. You're basically killing them. Yes. And although they're having a great time with Casey Jones singing karaoke. Yeah. And hockey. Yeah. And my favorite scene in the movie where they're all hanging out playing a video game in a bar that is blasting

Tarzan boy Like I wouldn't want to go back to feudal Japan either But then the sector starts up. Uh-oh Kenchen has turned it on in the present Uh-oh and again, so you're asking me to believe that this sector hasn't started up in any other point in history. Kenshin could do it every once. He could go to the Old West. He could go to the future. He could go to, I don't know, like the Russo Japanese War

and celebrate the victory over Russia that Japan had in that year, or maybe go to Port Smith and help Teddy Roosevelt negotiate the treaty that ended that war, in which net and Teddy Roosevelt are Nobel Peace Prize. Kenshin, you could have a Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, you're giving them a lot of options. The point where you came from. Yeah, all of time is his menu.

He could go anywhere he wants. Go ride a mammoth. Go eat a dinosaur, whatever you want to do, Kenshin. Although, I guess he can only go to places that the scepter existed. So maybe he can't ride a mammoth. So how far back do you think the scepter goes, Dan? Yeah, Dan. Where did he go? Where did the whole scepter So how far back do you think the scepter goes, Dan? Yeah, Dan. When did they build up? The scepter.

Hey, why am I the scepter expert? This is, you know, it's one of the, it's a fucking immortal. I don't know. I've learned around on a scepter knowledge here. Okay. Wow, Dan, I'm not going to go to you for any more scepter questions. Anyway, it all goes fine. They, Mitsu says they have to go back

only by me marrying Kenchen, can we end this war? Okay, didn't know that that was ever an option, but sure, let's, of make sense, and they transfer back, but Michelangelo is not with him, but then he does come back. It's like they decide to fake you out for about 15 seconds that Michelangelo stayed back there. Yeah, isn't there a moment where Michelangelo and Raphael are like,

oh no, don't worry, me and Raphael aren't leaving. And then everyone's like, uh, are you sure? This, it becomes like an 18 episode where they've got to like drug them, like be able to get them back in time. Everyone's back in their right times. Narinaga gets the scepter back, which seems crazy, that they're now giving him a time travel weapon. uh... everyone's back in their right times narrow now gets the sector back which seems crazy they're now giving him a time travel weapon

uh... mitzu and kenshi are reunited and they kiss each other and michael angelo sad until splinter tears him up by acting silly and michael angelo's like yeah you're right we're silly around here this is great uh... and the turtles go back to dancing as they did at the beginning of the movie they're dancing having been interrupted by people's gifts.

They return to it. And so the film begins as ends as it began in a roborose. So do you think eating its own tail? Time everlasting, ragna rock, encycl's forever, unable to break the circle of destiny. Yeah. Teenage Unichordal 3 turtles in time. As it was in the end, so shall it be in the beginning, the Alpha and Omega forever and ever, as it is on Earth in heaven. Mm-hmm. All right. Uh, Jesus, this has gone long and my computer is running out of batteries. So

we should, uh, we should, uh, some, we should probably find judgments and move on to the next stuff in this podcast. Okay, Dan, since you're, you're chomping at the bit to do this thing, what do you think? Well, is this a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie I kind of like? Yeah, is it your favorite turtle movie, your second favorite turtle movie or third favorite turtle movie? What I have to say about this is, well, I haven't seen the middle turtle movie. You didn't see part two, I have not seen the secret of the use.

So you don't know the secret of the use, don't tell them Stuart. I'm not telling you. No, I'm legally obligated not to. The ooze of secret, Dan, the ooze of secrets that it's actually a dude. Here's what I'll say about this movie. It's not good.

It's not like, I didn't laugh at it out of its badness. What I thought was like, if I was a kid, I'd probably like this. That was my reaction to it. That's how I felt too. If I was a kid, I would enjoy this movie a lot, but it's stupid. Yeah.

It's kind of innocent. It's kind of fun. That's basically where I'm at. Yeah, you's kind of innocent, it's kind of fun. That's basically where I'm at. Yeah, you're probably right. And it's not made for grown-up palettes. It's like, it's probably like the food you eat in like a high school cafeteria where there's certain elements that there's certain things

that you'll have that you really like. Like, I had a friend who was obsessed with the chicken patties in the school cafeteria, but I'm sure that as a like. Like, I had a friend who was obsessed with the chicken patties in the school cafeteria, but I'm sure that as a grownup, if you were to eat them again, he would be like, uh, I don't like these anymore. That's kind of what this movie is like. Yeah, so I'm gonna call this a good bad movie

because it's not a good movie, but kids might like it and kids have terrible in things. Yeah, they are stupid. They like the muppets. What? The muppets are great. Yeah, I know. I was just trying to get a rise out of you guys, you know, trying to do a... And you certainly did. Yeah, Dan Steeman over here. Look at him. There's literally steam shooting out of my ears. But he can't really see it because he got headphones on. I know it's what's burning my ears. It just doesn't have place to go. It's just.

It's not good for their headphones either. No, no, no, no. It's terrible. Okay, so what do we do now, Daryian? Well, before we move on, we have a sponsor for today's show. Oh, yeah, and to clarify, this is my third favorite turtle movie. Okay. Good to know. Yeah, I'm also to clarify this is my third favorite turtle movie. Okay. Good to know. Yeah, I'm also going to call it my third favorite turtle movie. Yeah.

After uh, but the other two are not Ninja Turtle movies. The mic first two favorite. Yeah. So my first probably that cartoon was called the red turtle just came out recently. Oh yeah, that's great. I haven't seen it but I heard heard it was good, so that goes to number one. Yeah, the movie goes through alone, it was pretty great. Yeah, and then I think my second favorite turtle movie is my dinner with Andre, because while it's Sean is kind of turtley. Yeah, my first favorite turtle movie is hackers,

because he's got Fisher Stevens in it. That's true. Oh, Hi, everybody, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McAroy. I'm your middle-aged brother, Travis McAroy. And I'm your sweet baby brother, Griffin McAroy. Me and 3,000, your closest friends just found your next podcast obsession. Zero.

Okay, but like the second best podcast. I'm your second evil. I'll f*** just listen to my brother and brother me on maximumfund.org. There you go. Perfect. Perfect. Thank you. Thank you.

It's a... Hello, I'm Carrie Poppy. And I'm Ross Blacher, hosts of maximumfund.org's OnoRossingCari. We wanted to tell you the good news that our podcast is now weekly. Yeah, weekly. On OnoRossinging Carry, we don't make extraordinary claims. We investigate them. We go undercover with fringe religious groups, investigate paranormal claims, and participate in pseudoscientific medical treatments, and report our findings to you.

In a time where alternative facts reign supreme, we cut through the murky spin to give you the real deal on topics like UFOs, the ATV vaccination movement, Scientology, and even apocalyptic churches. We're even undercover for some very exciting investigations right now. Well, not right now, right now. Yeah, that would be unwise. That's Ono Rossing-Keri at MaximumFun.org. We show up so you don't have to.

Our podcast is sponsored in part by Squarespace. Aw, thanks. Turn your cool idea into a new website. We show up so you don't have to. Our podcast is sponsored in part by Squarespace. Aw, thanks. Turn your cool idea into a new website. Okay. And you can use that website if you like to sell products and services of all kinds. Okay.

Squarespace gives you this ability by providing you with beautiful templates. The ability to customize your site with just a few clicks, built-in search engine optimization, and 24-7 award-winning customer support. So if you have a good idea for a website, why not just make it and make it stand out with Squarespace. You create a beautiful website.

Now Dan, Squarespace sounds great. Can they help me? I don't have a good idea for a website, but I do have a bad idea for a website, and I want to talk about it. Yeah, you should probably talk about it. Let's have it. It's a website called NowIt's Got Sex Sounds.com. We take every movie and television show, and we add sex sounds to the soundtrack, just to give it a little bit of extra thrill and so for instance Teenage and turtles three turtles in time we would include a lot of Just you know ooze and aze a lot of moaning over the soundtrack

Okay, so make it in a probe and now it's like oh There's no kids anymore. That's where dad it'll go. Oh, oh Yeah, there'll be a lot of ting tings and wall of wall of big bangs. So, Danny, let's go have a safe session. Yeah, now, mostly what we do is, and I'll just keep talking as Dan plugs in his computer and makes a lot of noise. Now, mostly what we do on this website

is we take requests from people where they're like, this show's not sexy enough. Can you add sex sounds to it? And then we do that. It takes, it's very time intensive because we really mix down the audio. And so we've been trying to monetize it with a website. So, Danny, think Squarespace could help us with that. Whatever that was, it sounded great. I had to get up and do some technical stuff. So I had no idea what's tacit approval to your idea. No idea what it just pitched. You don't ever need, you'll find out what you agreed to when you listen to the episode. Okay. Let's move on. So Squarespace sounds great and I love it. Let's move on, shall we? Well, no, hold on. Hold on. Help other people. Hold on. The most important part of

the ad, go to squarespace.com for free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You gotta give them the chance to use the offer code. Yeah, give them the chance too. I kind of assumed that you would finish the ad and then get up to plug in your computer, but now you decided to interrupt in the new way.

Well, you were talking. I saw you ramping. I saw that there was, I saw my opportunity and I wait for it. I knew that there was gonna be no need for me to talk for the next minute or so. That's a good idea. You know me.

I'm always hungry for talking. Is there anything else we need to plug? I guess our live show in San Francisco. Yeah. People should? I guess our live show in San Francisco. Yeah. People should get tickets to our live show in San Francisco on December 9th. Yeah. December 9th, our live show in San Francisco, go to flop house podcast.com slash events. It's at the Marines Memorial Theater.

It's our second time in California, but our first time in San Fran, the Bay area, city by the Bay, rice, errone, place Reicerone Place, Chaitown. And it's gonna be a super fun show. I don't know what movie we're doing yet. Now we haven't discussed it, but it'll be a good one. It'll be a good one. And, unless and medical needs pending, all of us will be there.

Yeah, well, it's not talking much about that. Stop looking at me like that, guys. Now, I have a jumbo tron. Do you got a jumbo tron? Do you have any other sponsors before that? No, that's it. Okay, guys, it's jumbo tron time. Okay. So this is a message that goes like this. Cold Dog Soup is a podcast that lambasts terrible poetry and prose. Listen to us now for a

six part series of the worst unfinished novella you've ever heard. That's Cold Dog Soup. Listen, rate and subscribe to the podcast Cold Dog Dog Soup. So, some kind of a poetry and prose lambasting podcast. I'll try it, Cold Dog Soup. Yeah. Cold Dog Soup. Yum. It's like hot dog water. Yeah. Cold.

Now Stuart, do you remember, is Dog Soup, was that the name of one of the serial killers in Sandman at the serial killer convention? I thought Dog Soup was that Mark name of one of the serial killers in Sandman at the serial killer convention? I thought dog soup was that that Marks Brothers movie. Now that's duck soup. Are you sure? I think it's dog soup. No, you know what you're probably right. It is, you know, I seem to know more about the Marks Brothers than you guys. So I think it's I think I'm right. Oh, I just remember that I was supposed to plug the fact that I'm going to be on the best acquaintances podcast on an episode that should be out by the time this episode comes

out. So. And what is that? It's a an interview podcast where people who are just internet friends with one another get to know each other better by talking over the web waves with each other. And so if you want to hear me interview, listen to the Best Equations as podcast. Sounds great. And I just looked it up. Yes, dog soup is the killer in the Sandman issue where the guys like dog soup is a woman at the serial killers convention. But that has nothing to do with the podcast called dog soup. All right, great. Good stuff.

Okay. What do we do now? Now we answer a few letters from listeners. Those are like you, presumably, like me. I'm not a listener, Dan. I'm on the show. Okay. I'm sorry.

I apologize. I just went to contest. And then I've been a coast for 10 years. It was well, it's sorry, I apologize. I just went a contest and then why I've been a co-host for 10 years? It was, well, it's more like a curse. Of course on you guys. You got to put up with me. So this first letter is from a gentleman named John Lassenay withheld.

Mm-hmm. And he writes it. Nice at the end. Hey, hey, peaches. My wife is a decently sophisticated sense of humor. Oh, wow. Wow. So talking about how you love your wife.

I hope she doesn't listen to this because you're going to be sleeping on the couch tonight, John dies at the end. This guy's going to be the next thick wife guy. She has a decently sophisticated sense of humor. But you forgot about that one already. But you get a silly scene with a man screaming, think Chris Farley kind of delivery,

and it's a guaranteed laugh for her. I was wondering, do any of you three have a comedy weakness where jokes of a certain type or delivery are way more likely to get a laugh from you, regardless of quality? Keep on flopping. R-O-C-K in the the USA, John last name withheld. So give a week, a week spot. How many wise? Obviously, I, obviously I like esoteric pop culture references.

I don't, I don't think there's anything I have that is specifically like, I'm definitely gonna laugh at it no matter the quality except maybe just people falling down, but I'll tell you what I do, what the, I have the opposite of, which is something I will never laugh at. Yeah. Yeah. And that is when it, somebody starts talking and you're like, Hey, that's not how I expected them to sound. I call it the rapping granny principle.

Rich, I didn't expect that granny to start rapping. I will not laugh at that. What if not funny to me? What if there's a kid who starts talking and all of a sudden they've got a really low voice? Well, if you dubbed an adult's voice into a kid, that would be funny. But if it was this kid as a real foul mouth, or like, this kid is talking like a

grown-up talks that I don't find that particularly funny. So you probably shouldn't watch Young Sheldon. Yeah. What about you, like jokes? Yeah, I don't know that there's like, I can't think of really like a particular type of joke that I feel like is a weak point for me. There are certain, like, I will watch

a terrible action buddy comedy, and I will know that that comedy is not good, but I will still watch it. That's like kind of a weak point in a similar vein, not exactly what we're talking about, but like there is nothing else to watch on a plane. I was on recently and God helped me. I watched chips because I was like, I'm not reading a book. You watched a bag of chips. Yeah, I watched a bag of... What did it do? Did it do anything?

Well, at one point it opened, but that was me opening it. It didn't kind of do it on someone like, wow, no agency. Yeah, I was in interactive. It was like an Oculus Rift. It's Oculus chips. Yeah. So, Dan, how was chips? It's Oculus chips. Yeah. So, Dan, how was chips? Pretty bad. Pretty bad.

Speaking of Jack Shepherd, it was pretty bad. You're going to recommend that today on the podcast. Yeah. There was a lot of gay panic in that movie. Not a funny thing. Well, that movie must have been made 10 or 20 years ago, right? Oh, no. No, my friend.

You would think that based on the fact that it's based on chips, a movie, the food. But anyway, do you guys think that anyone would make a movie called gay panic, which is a comedy about Idiot straight guys who are worried that people think they're gay, but clearly like they're They are morons Man, what was I now pronounce you just in Larry about Well, that was kind of well, but they were pretending to be gay to get health benefits What was that movie with Kubrick and Junior and Boat Trip? Boat Trip.

Boat Trip. Boat Trip. Yeah. That was a gay panic movie. Yeah. I mean, well, that was really a poor vacation planning movie. And I find that if anything, even more offensive, they didn't do the research, they didn't use a qualified travel agent, I don't think.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, at that point, they don't deserve to enjoy their vacation. I don't want to watch that movie, but I am curious about how they got on that boat. The only, literally the only explanation that would make sense to me is if they were in a shipwreck, they got picked up by this gay party cruise. What if they're like a couple of like thieves that are running from the cops because they just performed a diamond heist?

Oh, that's it like a stoke classic 80s way to get into things. Yeah. Yeah. So they'll get on any boat is what you're saying because they're just trying to get on a boat They're just trying to get away trying to get to international waters so they can finally eat all those diamonds Wait, that's how it works. Yeah. And then their skin turns into diamonds and then the movie's over. Oh, okay. So it's like a wish master thing. Like be careful what you wish for.

No, I mean, that's exactly what you want to have happened. So you can get rid of this like frail flesh. Oh, okay. And a Taina crystal form. It's called crystal ship. Oh, I guess that that so what other letters do you have to answer? I think we answered that one. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. This one's we know we know you watch chips that was worth it. Yeah. This one's from Matt last name withheld who writes Matt for action. I always come back to the flop house. I was come back to the flop house from

crappy chores have got me down. As of this writing, I'm drawing and unsticking cookbooks from a kitchen to futs up and started wondering, obviously there are theaters snacks like popcorn, but you have associations between foods and film viewings, memorable meals and movies, dinner dates and directors cuts gone wrong. Thanks for all the goofs and keep plop flipping, Matt lasting withheld. So just sort of a general question about food in the movies, ultimately. Like, do we have food associations with the movies or their particular meals in the movies that stick with us or anything like that?

I'll tell you about a time I couldn't eat while watching a movie. All right. I was watching the movie Sandman starring our friend Eric. Yeah. It's a very creepy horror movie. Oh, yeah, that was great. And I was like, it was really good. And I was like, oh, I'll just have dinner while I watch this.

And very quickly. And I was like, I'm not going to be able to eat while I watch this. This is making me too uncomfortable to eat. Yeah, because you can't eat around air, right? Because he's gross. Well, no, no, that's not it. I mean, he's a great guy who had many meals with him.

I mean, frequent listener. I think I ate dinner next to him at your wedding. Yeah, you might have, I think so. So I was wondering what your problem was. I had no problem meeting right in front of him. No, it had nothing with him. More of the footage taken from no budget horror movies because the movie is kind of like three quarters of real documentary, one quarter of fake documentary. That was, I was like, I can't watch these really gross, no budget horror movies while I'm

eating my dinner. But when it comes to meals in the movies, there's no meal I want to be at more than the skexies feast in the dark crystal. My I'm sure I've said this on the podcast, but my mom every time we had a big family meal with any kind of like cooked meat, she would always refer to it as roast nebri, like they refer to the when in the skexies feast. I think she still does if we, if I were to go home for Thanksgiving,

that turkey's getting called a roast nebri. But that was, I think I might've said this for, I could watch that feces scene for probably 20 straight minutes. It's great. Guess them eating gross things and smacking their lips and using those little finger forks. And I love one like the little thing gets loose and is running down the table and they're all like slamming on it trying to eat it. Oh man, such awesome monsters. Yeah. Yeah. What a great scene. Dan, why do you hate them? Why do I hate what?

Skexes. Because they're the bad guys, right? Dana says who? Dana identifies more with the ancients. Ugh, the boring ones, okay. Do the ancient ones have an army of giant crab monsters? Last time I checked, they did not. But you know what? I just want to sit around doing low throat singing over and over again. Why would I want to have fun? I want to just survive.

I identify more things like tall horses things that they ride around on. What are they called? Striders or something? I mean, that makes sense. Yeah, they do stride. Oh, do they ever? Dan, what about you? Food movie memories? I don't have any memories of like where I associate eating a particular thing with a film or anything like that. There are a couple of scenes and movies that I remember involving food, like at the end of Big Night where he cooks that omelette and one take, it's just like a long take of

him making an omelette for his brother after their disastrous Ignite of the title and then there's also are you sure that you're not thinking of omelet the movie? Yeah And also there's that movie that's not very good Called spanglish starring Adam Sandler, but there's a scene where he makes himself As sandwich which is all pretty much done in like one long take because they're cuts, but it's like one long sequence

where he's making himself a sandwich. And then his wife comes in and they get into a big argument while his sandwich is just sitting there on the table. And you can sell that there's nothing more than he wants in life than to eat the sandwich before. Like, there's like an egg on it and it's getting cold and it's kind of congeal and like it's just like this beautiful sandwich he's made is ruined because he's gotten to this argument with his wife. And it's a pretty good scene in the middle of a B minus movie, but I guess I just like

long long sequences where people just show off a skill like cooking, you know. So for me, this has nothing to do with movies. I, one of my strongest food memories and a piece of pop culture was, when I was a teenager, after soccer practice, we had a soccer practice which ended early because there was a police chase through the park we were playing soccer. And so, and there was like a possible gun scare. So, I, so soccer practice ended early. And I think

to make me feel better, my mom drove me by the comic shop and got me a pizza hut pan pizza. So I remember sitting in my, sitting in my basement, eating that delicious pizza hot pan pizza, and reading Spider-Man 16, where it was a crossover between my two favorite comics at the time, Spider-Man and X-Force. That was the sideways issue, right? Yeah, the sideways issue. And that, like, to this day, if I'm ever thinking of like a like if anyone's ever like, hey, you should treat yourself. That's what I imagine.

He's sitting on a couch somewhere eating, you know, butter, you know, delicious buttery crust pizza. Like an injured turtle. I have the opposite of that where my idea of a meal of shame is eating at Ruby Tuesdays because I remember when I got kicked out of camp one summer, my parents had to come pick me up and it was too late for us to go straight home without eating dinner so we just stopped at a Ruby Tuesdays and had dinner. And it was like, and I kept thinking in a movie,

they would just cut between them picking me up and then the next day. But this was real life. So I had to experience all the time between those two moments and sit and eat at Ruby Tuesdays and just have them look at me and think about how they were going to have to deal with me for a couple of weeks. They didn't expect to. Was it the lunch special? Because they have a pretty solid lunch special with where you get like a burger, like

many burgers and some salad bar. Was it that? No, it was dinner. No, it was dinner. Yeah, I think I probably had chicken fingers. I want association with the Ruby Tuesdays. The one time I ate there, I got something with like onion rings. And in the middle of my onion rings was a fried rubber band.

And are you sure that wasn't just an onion? Because they taste very similar. The, the, no, they're like, this wasn't the kind of ring I was looking for. Yeah. I pointed it out to the waitress and she's like, oh, let me get you a free Sunday. That's my, you said point. Muccoa. I love that, that option of like, I gave you the wrong thing.

And I'm gonna give you a free dessert, dude, cause it looks yet like you'd like it. My wife got a, we went to a fancy restaurant and they gave her the complete wrong fish dish and she's allergic to a lot of things and the waitress's response was, oh, oh well, I guess desserts on us. And it's like, no, bring me the thing I want, yeah.

Yeah, that's crazy. I guess the only other food memory I have is when I was young and my family was visiting France, and I ate an oyster for the first time, and the taste was so powerful that I knew from that day forward, I wanted to have a TV show where I would go to foreign countries and exoticize them, but pretend that I was like had a deeper understanding of them than maybe even the people who live there. And that's how you became Anthony.

We're dating. Yep, exactly. Dan got it. So this is last one is from David last name with held. Oh boy. Ali, it's brother. It's been so long. I thought we had freed ourselves. Hello, Floptastic trio. I'm sorry I haven't written in so long. I'm sure you missed me. Well, that's the same thing. A serial killer who was just re-opniered after a decade, right?

So the police chief. Yeah, he gave us all the clues. Yeah, but Mr. Police man. But once Elliot moved to LA, I took it as a sign that he was trying to limit his contact with me. No comment. I'll try and keep it quick, as I imagine your patients with me has run pretty thin if I caused Elliot to move.

So here it goes. I did not intend to leave Elliot hanging with my urgent message about the taxiderming frog museum in split creation. It was more a result of low data on my international cell phone plan. For flop fans in need of proof this exists, I will post the photo on the group Facebook page. More to the point, Stuart's concern of a frog is choosing a sport that doesn't utilize their powerful back legs as well taken. But competitive high level rowing actually requires an enormous amount of lower body strength.

And as such, hypothetically, might be ideal for a team of frogs. Feel free to expound on the exciting places following this to its logical conclusions would take you. Thanks as always. And if you want to see the museum in person sometime, Croatia is lovely and not just for its taxidormy. David, last name withheld, Elliot's brother. Actually, that was very nice. Thanks for the Frog Museum recommendation, Dave.

And yeah, head on over to the Facebook page, I guess, if you wanna see these frogs rolling a boat. Yeah, I saw it, it was quite something. I still think that frogs are really gonna enjoy jumping-based sports more. Sure. But again, am I just assuming that because society has forced them into jumping-based sports more? Sure. But again, am I just assuming that because society has forced them into jumping-based sports?

Maybe I'm the one who's being stereotyping here. Yeah, maybe they're, maybe they like rowing because it's kind of the opposite of what you'd expect. You'd expect them to be good at swimming or water polo, but instead they're outside of the water traveling on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, or like hurdles or pole vault.

Yeah. Yeah, or jumping sports. It's a new paradigm in frogs. I wish that was the slogan of your new business, Dan. And you're doing an Apple style product launch, and you're like, we took a look at frogs, and we realized there's a lot of improvements to be made and wait. There's more. Okay.

Now this frog has boobs. Wow. Is it like, is it like dig them? The sugar smacks frog. Wait, wait, wait, hold on. I mean, it's just an anthropomorphic frog. Yeah, but... Yeah, he just,

yeah, but you know, let's dig him. Yeah, sure. He's wearing that loose shirt, so you don't know what's going on under there. No. No one knows. Yeah, I mean, it's up to your imagination, depending on how, you know,

how creative you're being. There's gotta be some kind of deviant art picture of that. Yeah. Unless we've discovered the one cartoon character that nobody has bothered to make deviant art about. Just sexual art. It's either digum or it's smacks the honey bear, whatever his name is.

Yeah. Yeah, now I'm just imagining some kid out there, you know, go on. Discovering sexuality for the first time, watching, get it all mixed up in his little brain. Okay. Well, if they were gonna, it would be because they watched Heathcliff and saw Riffrap's girlfriend.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I say that as if I know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. Well, she's an attractive cat lady. Okay. I'm not gonna imagine that. I mean, she's no chitara, but come on. I mean, that's more on the lady spectrum

than the cat spectrum though. That's true. And she's like, Here's my question. Yeah. And she's, well, let's continue into the fetishization of chitara. Just saying, they were all naked in that first episode. So like, you know, Yeah, what we've said and she's no, well, let's continue into the fetishization of the Cheetahra.

Just saying they were all naked in that first episode. So like, you know, so that golden, so that golden Chris bear. Yeah. Here's my question. The tricks rabbit. Okay. And that cuckoo for cocoa puffs bird became huge stars. People still talk about them to this day.

You would think that you would think would think the sugar bear with his smooth voice and his reasonable demeanor would have been a much bigger star. People would have wanted to be around him, but instead these crazier characters got it. How do you explain that? You're saying that the other characters you assume were difficult to work with behind the scenes. We're just they're just they're off putting. You know, there's nothing comforting about them. Right. I mean, I think it depends, like, just once again, think about the market.

The person who is excited about the character is going to be a child and children like, you know, like trapped at it. You're friends. Sure. Children love the irritating and abrasive. That's true. Okay. I can bear that out.

That's true. I also do. So Dan, are there any other letters? That's it. That's a. I'm going to smash it. I should also kill him. I should also tell my brother I did not move to lessen my time with you, David. And the fact that I get even less time with you now is one of my regrets about moving. Oh, that's very nice. That's nice. Okay, let's move on. Okay. He'll buy that right? Great.

So the last segment of the show is where we recommend things, movies that we've seen, that we actually like, that you should watch probably instead of the movie we watched for this podcast, unless you have your own bad movie podcast in which case, stay in your fucking lane. Wow. Wow. A harsh statement throwing the gauntlet down. I mean, I think a little bit of a healthy competition is good for art, you know? Yeah, Dan, why don't you enjoy the free market? I want everything.

So this is the part of the episode. And Dan is dying to recommend a movie. What is it, Dan? Is it chips? Stewart is always pushing us along. My recommendation, I went and saw a lady bird, the movie that credit Gerwig wrote and directed. I know that.

I wanna see that. I know that many folks named Stewart in the room are not fans of No a Bomb Box work, which I assume include his collaborations with Ms. Girlwig. But a lot of what I think you might like about the movies still exists in Lady Bird and Bird and what you might dislike about Noa Bombak's work is not there. So it's much less, I guess what people would say, call Tweet. I like Bombak so I don't have that problem but it's much more of a straightforward kind of warm-hearted coming- age story about this girl who is at a Catholic school. She's going through a her last year of school going up into

college. It's not a particularly like like special year but it's also an eventful one and there's a lot about her relationship with her mother played by Laurie Metcalfe who everyone loves Because she's amazing and it's like a contentious relationship, but there's obviously a lot of love underneath it, but it's still difficult and I I like the movie quite a bit I think that not being a woman Who at all and not be a woman who had a contentious relationship with her mom.

I think that this movie may speak even more to someone who went through that in their own life, like someone who had the experience of growing up a young woman and having a difficult relationship with her parent. What was that? I think my phone buzzed. Oh, okay. I was saying this would be a joy buzzer in the middle of it was actually a big fart noise.

I was like, oh, got it, got it live in this. Has been a long time without a larf. Let's get this going. So you're saying this movie is potentially deep and affecting. It was affecting to me, but I can see how it would be even more affecting to someone who went through similar experiences in their life. And it's very funny and adorable too.

Sounds good. And it's about Lady Bird Johnson, the former first lady. That's right. That's right. That's cool. I'm gonna recommend a movie. The, what you want me to go on? Yeah, this is the bird bit. No, no, you want me to go on.

The bird bit just that I just miss it. The dismissive that's cool. Anyway, the implication is always that you're what you're about to say is much cooler. Yeah, yeah, it's a touching coming of age film. That's cool. Anyway, so this one's called Blood Boob. I'm gonna recommend a movie that just went up on Shutter a little bit ago. It's a low budget horror movie.

A low blood boob. Called Blood Boob. This is a movie called Found Footage 3D. I watch it in 2D. The premise of the movie is a couple of filmmakers are trying to put together a low budget horror movie. And they get the idea to make the, they want to, you know, you need to have an in. So their, their in is their, their hook is that this is going to be the first ever found footage movie. That's also in 3D, which doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's part of the joke.

And so the majority of the movie covers them trying to make this movie and there's a little bit of internal strife in the people that are there and they go to a remote location and it's spooky and things start happening and it's pretty great. I think for that type of for a found footage movie, it makes a lot of use out of what it has, but it's also pretty, it's watchable, it's funny, and it, I don't know, it does it like, everything's readable. I feel like a lot of found footage films

forget that like they have to make a movie that other people are going to watch and enjoy watching It's like they go too far into the into the found footageness of it. Yeah, I forget that You're gonna be you as a viewer still gonna be watching it as a as a film not as home someone's home movies. Yeah so check it out And uh, that's cool. I'm gonna recommend a movie that uh And that's cool. I'm going to recommend a movie that I'm going to recommend a movie from 1953. What a surprise. It's an oldie. It's a movie called Saw Dust and Tinsel. And this is an Ingmar Bergman film before he really like hit into his big stride. And so one of

the interesting things about it is to see it as kind of like Ingmar Bergman on the way to becoming the artist that he would become. I also like that, like sawdust and tensile sounds like a joke name that someone would come up for an art film, by the way. Yeah. I mean, well, it is, it is the story of a, the ringmaster of a traveling circus who is having trouble with his mistress, who is one of the performers in the circus.

A love triangle briefly emerges between them and a local actor in the town that they go into. I mentioned this to my wife and she goes, well, that sounds like the most European movie ever. And it is very European. It's set in the circus and Europeans love circuses. But it's a really grim movie as Ingmar Bergman ones are. But it's the first movie he made with Sven Nyquist,

the cinematographer and so it looks amazing. And it was just, you know, one of these Swedish Ingmar Bergman, you know, life is terrible type movies that I really like a lot. You're a real laugher. If you like his stuff, yeah, yeah. If you like his stuff and you haven't seen it, then saw Dustin Tensel. There's a section in the beginning of it that's done almost like a silent film

that I thought was really cool because it shows his affinity for the films of that era. The era he grew up in. Anyway, that's my recommendation. Saw dust and tensile. Deal with it. Okay. I guess I'll laugh, too. Yeah. What? You have to deal with it. I mean, Dan, you're doing a pretty good job dealing with it. Well, I mean, outside, and the inside is all turmoil. Okay. But, all right, well guys, this has been great. I still don't know after a decade of doing the show, how to end a program.

So I'm just not a rambling honest. I'm gonna say goodbye. And say that my name has been Dan McCoy. That's cool. I've been Stuart Wellington. I think both you guys are cool. And I'm Elliot Kaylen. Good night everybody.

Turtles Forever. Bye. There's Dan, let's go through our daily affirmations that you and I go through every day. I call you at five in the morning, my time, which is eight in the morning, your time, just so I can get you kind of in the morning while you're getting ready. It's a huge burden on me, because it gets into my sleep and I can't really get back to sleep afterwards. Here's what Dan and I go through every day and say, okay, my name is Dan. People like me.

They like me for a reason. The reason they like me is because I'm a good person. I'm a good person and I am a talented person. People like me and they deserve to like me. And I deserve their liking. And I have Dan say that 40 times every morning. It's very confusing, Elliot. I think we can just, it just simpler at the affirmation.

We're like, why don't we go to the 7-0? Just every morning, it's the same thing. I'm trying to help you. And you're like, can we cut down this affirmation? It's like, oh, come on. Maximumfund.org. Comedy and culture, artists don't. Listen or supported.

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