The Flop House - Ep.#246 - 50 Shades Darker LIVE

Episode Date: December 9, 2017

We reached into the vault to finally release this gem from back in the summer, the first and only time we've had an extra guest at a live show, the always lovable Hallie Haglund. And what better thing for three gross dudes to discuss with a woman than 50 Shades Darker? Wikipedia synopsis for 50 Shades Darker LIVE SHOWS Dec. 9 –  San Francisco, at the Marines Memorial Theater

On this episode we discuss 50 Shades Darker. Live in Brooklyn, New York! Hey everyone, welcome to the Flop House, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm- oh, what? Where did all these people come from? Yay! Classic live podcast joke, I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kaelin. And I'm Hally Hagland.

Well, now I know what it was like to be the guy in the MacSell commercials. Well, that's by that wall sound. That reference is old. I could do older. That's right. The star of the show, Hally Haglan, is Joingas, right? For those listening at home, Hally is doing a sassy head motion. As if bidding her status as star of the show.

So, let's talk about this movie. So this is Jeff Ryan in. What do we do on this spot? This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. And tonight we watched 50 Shades Darker, the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey. And the prequel to whatever the third one is called. No, I watched it. What is it?

50 Shades freed. They just watched it, but they showed at the end. They show the preview for it. What? You guys obviously didn't watch the credits. You're right. I forgot to look for the bloops. You know, there's a lot to learn.

For Sam Jackson to come in and recruit me for the 50 shades in this video. You know, there's a thing where sometimes when I'm all finished with something, I just kind of fall asleep and forget about the rest. That's my last sex joke for the rest of the night. Wow. So I guess-

You picked the wrong movie. If anyone's listening to this now, and their parents are in the room, or grandparents- Send the kids to bed. Or a child, or a dog. Or you think the NSA is listening. Save it for another time, because we're probably to get pretty rib get pretty revolved. This is Flop House after dinner. So this is a sex movie, Elliot, right? This is one of those movies that you would see late at night clutching your... What? What are you gonna finish that sentence?

Oh, well, here's... It's one of these sentences that I started without actually knowing where I was going with it. What am I clutching, Dan? My purse, my jewels? I don't know. Worried that I... Purse is the only answer that I want. Worried that I cat burglar might come in and steal my necklace?

Here's the situation. The volume is down real low when your hope and your parents are asleep. Maybe even you're even surreptitiously recording it for more watching later. Or, honestly, you're not watching it. I don't know. You're watching a better sex movie. Because here's the thing about this.

Not to give any spoilers away. This is one of those sex movies that doesn't really seem to like sex very much. consider sex not to be that good or healthy for people unless you do it in the very specific way that God and the government tell you you should do it. We all got the manual in seventh grade when the girls all went to one gym and learned about I don't know, matching gloves to bags. And the boys saw the video where guys check their testicles for cancer.

Wait, you had a video? Cause I remember at my clients, they gave us this little fake pair of testicles. They did that too. We got that too. What? What? They gave us a little fake rubber pair testicles.

So we know what it feels like, and it was like, the skin is so rubbery though. Like, this must be what Worf's skin feels like. When he's checking in the shower for a distinctly hand-sear. But they showed us a video where it was very great. There's anything that I know what it feels like. It's my own testicles. Maybe you don't know what it is, and you're like,

maybe that's a third testicle then maybe you don't know what it is and you're like, maybe that's a third obstacle growing, I don't know. But they showed us a video that was just guys getting out of the shower and then checking themselves on camera. How old were they? How old were the guys? They were like 19, you know, shaved. And, uh, and I remember all the guys in the class were like, how do you think they got that guy's to do that?

You think they're like prisoners that got some time off their sentence by being in this naked video? That was my first question. Yeah, I should have been in this class. But now I'm realizing they probably just porn actors that they hired for a medical video. Wait, Stuart, did you see this? No one in watched Elliot's creepy video.

I just first off, they were totally shaves, damn. This is why I was wondering whether it's because we grew up in the Midwest and we were taught to be ashamed of our bodies. No, I mean, I was too busy playing with these fake testicles they gave us. The teacher left the room for a second, I'm like, you're crazy. Those are immediately gonna turn into somebody's little beard. Yeah, you're gonna start playing hacky sack with them. Yeah.

So... Someone was upset about that. The testicles aren't connected to a human. No one is feeling bad if you kick them. I think it was the play of words on sack. All right. Let's talk about what happens in the movie. So it's the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey, which, as we all remember, was about a young woman

who falls in love with a mysterious billionaire named Christian Grey. Her name is Anastasia. And Steele. Anastasia Steele. These are the real names that real people have. And she falls in love with this billionaire who seduces her partly through his raw sexuality and partly because he's super rich and can just call a helicopter on Uber if he wants to. And she, but he's also involved in light spank play and things like that.

He has a room full of paddles and garbage, you know, whatever. And she, that he causes that. Battles and garbage, whatever. And she, that he calls his, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's,

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that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he's, that he movie, in this movie, he has this assistant who takes care of his apartment. And every time. He's the maid. She's not the assistant.

She's not dressed as a maid. And a maid is costume. Now, this is a little different lady. But each time he's about to take on a sizing to the room, she's like, smirks. Like, I know what's going to happen in there. But at the end of the movie, she says, I want you to show me what you really want.

Like, show me what you want, what you really, really want. And he says, I want to hit you even harder than I show me what you want, what you really, really want. And he says, I wanna hit you even harder than I've been hitting you. And he hits her too hard. And she says, this is too much for me in leaves and gets in the elevator and not since the end of Blade Runner, the director's cut. Did an elevator door closing seem so final?

Wait, so I was lost completely, because I had never seen the first one when I watched this one. I went into a blind. You wanted some kind of Star Wars-type crawl that explained the story to you. Exactly. So when he hit her too hard, just not- It was on the butt. Okay, thank you. Yeah, it was on the butt. Okay.

This is a movie that- The place that is built for Spanken. God. That sounds like- That sounds like it sounds like that's an ad, that's an ad for a chain of butts and at the end like a folksy voice just goes, the place that was built for Spankin. I dearly hope that the butt is the place for Spanking is on your Tinder profile. I don't think. If not, you are leaving money on the floor. I hope it's on your business card.

Hello, hello, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm a comedy writer, but here, the butt is the place for spanking. Okay, so this movie, so they have broken up. Things are not looking great for the relationship between Anastasia and Christian Grey. He sends her a bunch of roses, and she almost just throws them in the trash.

In a very slow scene, which her thought she might as well have a thought bubble above her head for how much every move is telegraphed in that scene. She doesn't throw them in the trash. No. So they've broken up. And we learn that she is irresistible to rich men with handsome chins, and she starts her job as an assistant at a publishing house in a very cool loft space.

They're in Seattle, home of the publishing industry. And I remember, I watched the first half of this with my wife until she got bored. And they was, and there was- Your wife was saying, I ain't watching something in Seattle unless fucking Frazier shows up. Somebody better be tossing some salad with scrambled eggs. And you're like, honey, when did you get so wrong about Frazier? And her big takeaway was,

this woman could never have afforded that apartment on a publishing assistance salary. Because that's a job my wife had. And she had to get roommates. I think she does have, it is revealed she has roommates later in the movie. So 50 Shades Darker, I apologize for accusing you of that crime. She goes to an art gallery, a show which is, to her surprise, made up of photos of her by a friend who clearly has a crush on her.

Who didn't tell her the gallery was gay. I thought he was gay. Yeah, I thought it was gay too. Except that when she's like, hey, thanks, he is clearly crushed that she wasn't, didn't take us a hint. Everything about him is gay, except she's so irresistible. She is, Robert Palmer would said it best,

simply irresistible. Mm-hmm. And not because she's some kind of like. That's because she's just because she's slicking her hair back dancing robotically in the background with a bass guitar. Exactly. She doesn't do that.

You just described the video, Ellie reference. Oh, okay. No, I thought I, that's just my perfect woman. I didn't even think about that. Oh, yeah. Some kind of like pneumatic robot that plays bass. Ellie, I'd apply you to think of anything cooler than a bass player. I'd have to fight you.

Can't do it. Can't do it unless it's Zander Cage. But anyway. So here's the thing about Anastasia. What makes her so sexy is that she doesn't know she's so sexy. She's an unassuming kind of like shrinking violet. She's powerless and needs to be protected. And that powerlessness creates a hold on men,

which is her true power. Hally, it looks like you've got an opinion on this. I just find that very anti-feminist. That I read it that way or that the movie does that. No, that the movie does that and that you read it that way. It's like, what? You can't wait a minute, hold on. What? Explain. What's that what? You can't wait a minute, hold on. What?

Explain. What's that song? What's that pop song that's like, you don't know you're beautiful. And that's what makes you beautiful. I get so mad when I hear that. I don't know that song. It's like one direction?

Yeah. It's like, fuck you. It's like, Kelly says, no the sexiest thing in a woman? A lack of confidence. Exactly! But to be fair, I mean, I never saw the first one. But. Oh, where she's super confident.

She didn't seem that unconfident. Oh, no, she's not totally unconfident. But there's a part of her that's like, I mean, she puts Chris, she doesn't take shit from Christian. That's true, well, because she's seen him new. Except right away when he's like, she's like, I can't talk to you. And he's like, let's go have dinner.

And she's like, okay. Yeah, there's, this movie is full of moments. Her Christian does something that is clearly him controlling and trying to buy her. And she's like, what, you can't do that? Well, I just did it. Well, it's a fate of company now. No, nothing I can do.

So they do. Kristen shows up. I can't talk to you. Well, we'll have dinner. OK, great. He orders. Because he buys all of the pictures of her. Yeah.

He orders his steak medium, gross. And then he tries to order for her. He tries to order for her. And she's like, no. I'll have a salad I'll have all the keen while keen on salad because it's Seattle in Seattle And so and so he wins Rover he said in the first movie They had a contract that said how far they could go together because nothing says sex and romance like a contract together because nothing says sex and romance like a contract.

Just like a paper word. That was the moment that I get kind of bummed because that was the only scene in the first movie I enjoyed at home. That's true. It was the contract writing because I just like contract guys. Yeah. It's super funny to imagine

that people getting together just to negotiate it without them because like that's a funny job. You have to know that they were negotiating very seriously and then the lawyers must have just stopped them and like, you got them, man, it's kind of funny. You just got a laugh. Yeah, sometimes you got a laugh in this business. She says, okay, he's like, I'm open to a new, we'll read it, we'll read to the contract, you're in charge and she goes, okay, and he gets, and of course, he does this when he gives her a new phone or is that late, she like gets home. No, it's that, but it's when he gives her a new phone or is that late she like gets home

No, it's that but it's when they he takes her home and he gives her a computer and a phone because It's she's a computer. Yeah, and she texts him a text that doesn't have a good graphics card Can she play doom on it? I'm already done a little bunch of emulators for you. So she text him and ends the text with the phrase, later's baby. And it was like, oh, this is somehow the grossest thing in the movie.

Capital B, by the way. Capital B, baby. Because maybe it's to the dinosaur, to the baby from dinosaurs. Now, she is. You said you weren't going to talk about baby since Claire tonight. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That was part of Stuart's in my contract before the show. And I apologize. Is that your writer? I didn't know. He was in the writer, yeah. No baby since Claire talk. And was in the writer, yeah. No baby's Sinclair talk. And so throughout the movie, he promised there would be not the mom. So Christian keeps essentially trying to buy her. At one point, he transfers $24,000 to her account.

He's like, let me give you $24,000. And he writes her a check and she bips it off. And he goes, and he goes, Siri, transfer $24,000 to her account. And she goes, how did you get my account number? Stop that. Well, let's go have sex, I guess. Let's be clear about something.

Christian Gray, the movie tries to make it, the movie tries to have it both ways. The movie tries to... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The movie tries to get you off on the bondage and discipline stuff.

That's one way. And it tries to make you think that BDSM is a disease that needs to be cured. It fits into, like, that's... It's a little movie you're saying, I mean. No, it's just, like, the most prudish sex movie. And, like, the thing about Christian Grey is... That sounds like a Disney movie from the 60s, like a live-action film.

The most prudish sex movie. Starring Dean Jones. No, but the movie tries to make it out, like, Christian Grey is a creep in part because he likes like deviant sex But the reason Christian Grey is a creep is he's a creep Yeah, no, but the it's not the deviant sex. It's like control But that's yeah, because he controls her outside of it But then I feel like it's also trying to like plug into some I Like not a fantasy that I'm familiar with

in terms of women having, but just like, when he's like, I own you, you belong to me and she's like, no, I don't, but she's kind of into it. But she loves it. Yeah. And then when she asked him to go on the trip and he's like, the answer is no.

And I feel like this was supposed to be really big with like, how's the lives of him? Right, are they like jerking it to? really big with like... Housewives. Right, are they jerking it to... No, I can't go on that trip. Jerking it like crazy. This movie, I'm gonna say two things. One, I'm listening to how I'm seeing how I was adorable jerk at first. Which almost knocked Elliot off the tone stool he's sitting on.

There are times when Halley is, there's something adorable about you, Halley. That's like a child that's heard about sex. And it's like, this is how they do it. She kisses her and puts his tongue on her mouth and she has a baby. But like, okay, here's three points I'm gonna make. One, yes, they are masturbating to that.

Two, this movie makes the most sense of Christian is a vampire or a serial killer. And three, here's this movie fits into, and this is a double headed point. This movie fits into... Gross dude. Sorry, sorry, too much. This movie fits into two American traditions. One is titillating and then condemning, as much as they condemnating. Titillating and then making it OK by condemning. It's OK for me to be turned on by this because I'm going to know it's bad and it's going

to be judged as bad. So that makes it OK. And number two, there is nothing for all the like hitting and butts in this movie. There is nothing sexier or kinkier in this movie than money. Every time they want to show how great Christian is, he rents a boat and takes her on a boat. He takes her to his family. Rich family is like fancy, Venetian-themed masquerade ball where there's an auction for a night

in his dad's cabin and she throws the $24,000 away. Oh, it's his cabin. Oh, it's his cabin. In Aspen. In Aspen. It's a condo. It's like that. Is that an impressive one? Yeah. So like this movie is it's squarely it's like the thing that's going to get people hard and or wet is is like. Thank you for specifying. Sometimes both. Sometimes both is. I'm getting old guys, what I'm trying to say. I'm getting old guys, what I'm trying to say.

I'm getting old guys, what I'm trying to say. It's like, look at how much money he has. Look at how easy life is for him because he's got so much money. He can do whatever he wants because he's totally rich. He doesn't really go to work, right? No, I mean, he's basically has Bruce Wayne's job, where his job is to put on a suit, sit through a meeting board,

and then get up and leave whenever he wants. No, but we also forgot to mention that, okay, so she's working at this publishing house, and right when they get together, he's like, I'm buying that publishing house. Just like, Christian, this is my job, and he's like, no, it's not even about you. I've been meeting to get into publishing, and she's like, Christians is my job. And he's like, I know, it's not even about you. I've been meeting to get into publishing.

And she's like, okay. Yeah. She's like, that makes sense. Publishing is on the rise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's never a better time.

It's a wise investment for a billionaire. It's like it's the citizen-cane moment of him buying the newspaper, except he's doing it to own a woman. Yeah. So anyway, but your movie wins us back over with all the on-the-nose, slow R&B jams that show up over the sex scenes. So it's kind of tough to hear those R&B jams.

I watch it at the bar again, as part of a double feature. Now it's bars, that's two words. Interlanz, bar and Kensington, check it out. Woo! Woo! Thanks, Dan I'll I'll give you your money after the show So we were watching at the bar and we had previewed we had just gotten done watching triple X

Return of Xander cage which really tested the limits of my sound system so when we are playing 50 shades darker any time there's any kind of variance and sound the whole sound system. So when we are playing 50 shades darker, anytime there's any kind of variance and sound, the whole sound system would blow out and we just have to read the, we'd have to read the what closed captioning. So like when the gun goes off, spoiler alert, there's a gun, when the helicopter makes a backfire noise, anytime the R&B James got too exciting, the sound would go off. Because there's, there's, they found the most on the nose music, there's a part later in the Fire noise, anytime the R&B James got too exciting, the sound would go wrong. Because they found the most on the nose music.

There's a part later in the movie where Anastasia, she's overcome her difficulties and she wants to go further with Christian. And the music literally starts to then like, I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid anymore. Bring it on me. And it's like seriously?

I know. The weirdest sex scene is when they were having sex and it's like, thank you for being a friend. That was the sexiest scene. I got ketchup on my blue jeans. Streaks on the China, never been the river. What do we do, baby, without a... Well, there's a time for love and a time for living. You take the good, you take the bad, you're taking both of them better.

Whatever happened to predictability, the movie would be so much better if that was the soundtrack. Classic lighthouse medley. Yeah, how did the Alps song go? Alph! Alphalfel! I guess they're no lyrics. Okay, Alph. So there's three different kind of dangerous subplots in the movie. One is the woman who inducted Christian Grey into SNM when he was a teen, Kim Basinger.

The Kim Basinger? Playing a character. Oh, okay. She's not playing gimpasinger. And she's trying to keep Anastasia away from Christian. What was her name Elaine? Something like that. Yeah, like from Seinfeld, I don't know.

And there's something, I don't know if putting KIMBASINGER in this movie just heightened the fact that like 9 and a half weeks was a little more of a sexy movie, right? Like they did like a kind of intense relationship 9.5 weeks was a little more of a sexy movie, right? Like they did like a kind of intense relationship way better than this movie to us. Yeah, sure, I guess. And it went, I mean, it helped that they knew

there was a deadline, so they had to really amp it up. And there was a... I can't take a lot of time. I only ate the half-weeks left. I actually, why did they just round it up to 10 weeks? That's what I always wondered, you know? Because they're playing off of that, the fling- ate the half-weeks left. Why did they just round it up to 10 weeks? That's what I always wondered, you know? Because they're playing off of that, the flingy-foming half-week.

They had an Airbnb plan. Oh, yeah. They wanted to do 10 weeks, yeah, but they had to get out because it wasn't available for those other days. They had an air essay there. There's no way any Airbnb would rent to Mickey Rorfer nine weeks. So there's that.

There's actually there's four of these. There's Christian dealing with his memories of his mom. His real biological mom, Odid, he was left with the body for four days when he was a kid. And the woman he was now is in flashbacks. And have when he was a kid. But we didn't know he was left with a body for four days. No, he mentions it at one point. He keeps calling her his birth mom or his biological mom.

Because he was. So, okay. But there was something weird about it. Story checks out. And his adopt, because he was adopted by this billionaire family. There's also. But he was also burned with cigarettes

by his mom's boyfriend. So all over his chest. I don't know. We don't know. There's all of his chest, there's burn marks. And that's the, yeah. He takes a lipstick and he just, he draws. He doesn't take it.

Oh no, he told me to wreck her. And she draws a wreck tang around his chest and he goes, those are my boundaries. That's a map of my pain in her stomach. Because he won't let, he won't let her touch. Yeah, it's a road map of pain. What's that? Hellry's in there. And then, yeah, and then, and then,

and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then and the most obvious symbolism ever. I love that scene because when they start kissing and then the shower's already on and they rush into it making out and take their clothes off and I was like, who did the shower run? No, that's a different scene. Oh, that's a different scene. Yeah, that's a different scene.

Did the assistant see them making out? I was like, I better turn on that shower. Or did Christian go like, wait, wait, wait, wait. And run and turn the shower on and get the temperature right. And then run back and go Okay, let's go now. Let's go now the moment's still good. Keep that moment going Okay, so that's so good. Ellen is showing that he is he's practiced at shower sex, I guess

You will some interesting turn it on unless he has a voice activated shower in which case the future is here Why are we talking about SNM when that's what we should be talking about Underwater sex. Does anyone try to? Yeah. Uh, and joke. In joke. Okay, so Kim Basinger, she's trying to get back on her old territory. He's got his traumatic memories.

Number three, there's a mysterious girl, woman, but she keeps stepping out and seems to be a threat to Anastasia. It turns out to be an old sub of Christians. And number four, Anastasia boss has the hotspour and he's not taking a no for an answer. So first off, let me talk about point number three. Doesn't Anastasia describe her as like, this strange woman with bandages on her wrists? Like, come on, dude. Even like, that's the easiest movie shorthand. That's like when any time a woman barfs in the morning

or at all in a movie you're like, oh, you're pregnant dude. Well bandages on the wrist, it's not like, I love the idea of Stuart as a doctor. You're pregnant dude. You're pregnant dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude.

You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, dude. You're getting it, didoy! And you're getting a del. Yeah. No, but I get it, still. You're getting a del. And you're braggers. This definitely veered from the nuance of the rest of the movie.

I'm totally with you there. Touche. Now I want to talk about point number four that you mentioned, Elliot. Her boss, he kind of looks like Garrett Dilla Hunt, if he was a little sexier. That guy you laughed knows what I'm talking about. So, so each of these stuff plots, each of these stuff plots is taken care of,

almost immediately when they come to a head. The girl shows up in Anastasia's apartment with a gun. No, that happens at the end. They like plant the seeds at the beginning. They plant the seeds at the beginning. And then they're totally irrelevant for all of the middle of the movie. And then she shows up with a gun. Christian walks in because, of course, Anastasia is under surveillance at all times because

he loves her. And walks in and commands her because her sub- train. It's like a weapon X type thing like Her sub training is still in there so she he is able to command her to give him the gun No, this is what it was so amazing. So he goes So he walks in and she's pointing the gun at Anastasia paint a word picture for us and he gestures pointing the gun at Anastasia. Pain a word picture for us. And he gestures so that she'll move the gun to pointing at him. And she's like, Christian, no Anastasia.

Christian, no. And then, and then he's like, he just stops her with his hand. And then he just goes, I'm just, for the podcast, for the podcast, a beckoning to give the gun, puts it in his pocket, and then he says, Neil, but when I was watching it, I thought he said, heel.

Wow. And I was like, that is so fucked up. Now, the hottest thing about that is he takes that pistol and he sticks it in his pocket where I'm assuming a pair of used what anal or vaginal beads are sitting Oh, that's the best part! And he gives her a pair of vaginal beads to wear at his family's fancy auction house I want to say something about this now. Or were they anal beads? Dan, what do they look like to you?

I thought they were like Benoit Balls They're Benoit balls. OK, they're Benoit balls. They're like Captain Quig was using them and then gave them to. They're for the vagina. However, like. And they, and let me tell you, when he puts some in, they go in real easy. Well, I don't know what she was using, but.

She was using her own saliva. We made her put her in her mouth. But still, she must have had them in her mouth for like a minute and a half. You saw that, you saw the flip. Yeah, they didn't soften up at all. I feel like a marker of how like vanilla the movie actually is though, is like this movie

like wants it to be like, this is the kinky shit ever. Like you have never seen kinky or shit, but this is like- You never even imagined this. You've never imagined, like, and she pulls out these balls and she immediately goes, those aren't going in my butt. And I was thinking while I was watching it, if this movie had the courage of convictions,

those would be going in her butt. I thought they were definitely going in her butt and then he's like, no, no, no, they're not going in your butt. I thought they were definitely going in her butt and then he's like, no, no, no, they're not going in your butt. As if they're going in some place. They're going in your ears. What's weird is that so this movie doesn't have the courage of the convictions that that Catherine Haigel movie has where she has the vibrating panties on and the kid gets a hold of their remote control and she's just coming all over the place during a business dinner because this honesta she is wearing them and they go to this fancy

vault for her family and she sits down and goes oh and he goes now you see what they do never brought up again. That's not true. She like laughs at something and she's like that ah! Ah! That's her overreaction at every possible physical stimuli. It's exhaustive. Like he touches her and she's like, ah! That's a kind of effect. A guy like Christian Grey has on his face.

She orgasms immediately no matter what is going on. Yeah. It must be a terrible disability to live with. Yeah. Now, but also there's a scene, it's talking about the sex scenes because like that's all we care about. Okay, and then I want to get back to the stuff we get back to the plot later. Okay, let's talk about the rezone detray of the movie. Yeah, thank you, Elliot. That means that means the ray of raisins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a scene where she's like, spank me. And he spanked her three times, like a man who was never spanked a woman. And so how does that... How does a man who's never spanked a woman spank a woman? He doesn't like with this weird half-closed poem. And he just goes in like... Like he's going to throw a knuckleball?

Yeah. He goes in. There's no follow-through. He just sort of stops when he reaches the, I mean, I understand this is like a movie with actors. They can't actually make it. Actors who by all accounts did not like each other. No, no. Really? But apparently they did not care for each other and so the first one. Maybe that, I don't

know, maybe they buried the hatchet. But there's three spanks. Yeah, all right. Not,'s three spanks. Yeah. Yeah. That's a phrase people use. There's no innuendo in that one. There's three spanks, and then it's just like, and now the missionary sex. And it's like, if there's one thing I know

about people who like spanking, it's that they love to just stop after three spanks. It's the rule of three's, Dan. Yeah. I gotta say, nothing makes me happier stop after three spanks. It's the rule of three's, Dan. I gotta say, nothing makes me happier than Dan getting mad at how boring this sex is. This was a perfectly good movie. It could have been a perfectly good movie about butts,

and then they fucked it all up. And there's a lot more boob shots in this movie. There's less butts, I think, than even the first one. Yeah. There's more nudity than I expected. I don't expect it with the sequel, than even the first one. Yeah. There's more nudity than I expected. I don't expect it with the sequel that they would've been lying. Nah, we don't need to put that in. And also, I'm gonna...

Do you feel like this was less sexy than the first one? Having not seen the first one. They're both pretty un-sexy. They're both pretty un-sexy. Yeah. And also, speaking of butts, there should've been more... As you all think are. There should've been... I feel like that segue should just go assumed

whenever you're about to say something. There is a dearth of male nudity in this film. For a film that was based on a book that was written by and for women, there's very little male nudity. He has a lot of sex with his pants on. Yeah, he doesn't even, yeah, he gets her fully nude. You see, everything about her. And then he like he doesn't even yeah he like gets her fully nude you see everything about her and then he like on does his buckle and he's like having sex

with her. The ultimate fantasy. No there's literally a scene where he still has a brown t-shirt. That's I think that's a reference to something that wasn't on the podcast. That's a reference to part that wasn't on the podcast. That's a reference to part of the pre-show. Yeah, but he's like, there's a scene. We had David DeCovny's brown t-shirt diaries. Yeah. There's a scene where his jeans are halfway down his butt

and they're having sex. Yeah, that's the sex he's part of the butt. So you want to see the full butt at the top butt? I mean, there was the very sensual scene when he was working out and he has a pummel horse in his work out room. And he just balances on it for a long time. I know.

I was like, this would be so hardcore. I'd be starting doing like a gymnast routine on this. That's, and they're trying to present it like it's super sexy, but I'm like, movie, I've seen fucking magic mic XXL. You do nothing for me. Yeah. In a world where that exists. Anyway, so we're way behind.

We're way behind. I want to get back to the plot. Speaking of behind. We're way behind. I want to get back to the plot in the last strands. Her boss sexually harasses her. Christian of course has bought the company and fires him. Hey, there's nobody who understands the fiction editor's work like the fiction editor's assistant. I guess we'll just promote the newest person in the

office to the highest position. That's what happens to Anastasia. She has a great breakthrough idea. Let's get young authors that people on the internet like. How popular is he? He's had 80,000 hits in the last month. That was like for Blake's cell. It is the idea of the century. The option was either print fewer books or print more books. And she went with print more books.

It's around this time that Anastaz is a little bit afraid of what Christian Moana do and he admits that he's not a dumb, he's a sadist. He likes to make women hurt because it's revenge on his mom and he says, and I know how fucked up that is, and it's like if even the guy in the movie doesn't like the thing that gives him sexual pleasure, then like, I don't know, movie. And there's a, but this is when, okay, Christian proposes to her. She decides to, she says I'll think about it. She wants to make the ultimate commitment, because you know what? There's no stronger bondage than a wedding ring.

Because that's a bondage of souls. I guess you're getting money from sales now. Hey guys, did you know every kiss begins with K? Wow, sales is gonna be angry with you. I'm like your jimbo and working both sides. Set them against each other. This is last man standing. She decides, she says nothing about it.

She decides, of course, that she is going to answer the proposal in the form of giving him for his birthday a novelty key chain that says yes. But before he opens it, before he opens it, he's in a helicopter crash. What? He's in a helicopter and crash is

into the beautiful Pacific Northwest. This is the point in the movie where the news of his disappearance is all over TV and I was like, oh, so he's famous. He's a billionaire. Okay, like, there's a lot of billionaires out there, anyway. It's only, no, go on, Halley. This is the part of the movie where I cry. And Halley, I want you to tell us. I want you to tell us.

I want you to tell us. Because she goes back to the apartment that he's now given her a key to, which was a big step. It says you can bring some of your stuff here, and it's like he might as well open to soul. Right. But so she's there and his family, Marcia Gay-Harden, his adoptive mother, but he named a boat after her grace, you know, he loves it. Okay, so she's watching. So they're

all watching the coverage and she's like, he can't be dead and she's like, we didn't have any time. And like, that's when I started crying. Well, lucky for you, Halle, that no less than I think four or five minutes after the crash scene, Christian walks back into the apartment. It's OK, everybody. He survived. And she says he opens his present. Seize that the novelty key chain that says yes.

And she's accepted his proposal. That's, according to my notes, when they have their shower sex in their clothes. Yes, that was fun. And when they go to the red room in the song plays that says, I'm not afraid anymore. Now, were you hoping that he was going to come back like Mr. Reignsford and Jane Errol like burned up and shit all scarred and blind? But like kind of awesome and burned up.

I wanted to come back as like Dark Man, yeah. A lot like Dark Man. So he can't feel pain anymore, and he has other powers, I think. Because the question is whether he can feel pleasure now, and he has a machine that makes faces. That's what Dark Man's about, right? So you got a face making machine? It's about perfectly.

It's about perfectly explodes. Wait, is it knows it explodes? No, remember, he's like trying to simulate the flesh and that nose just like a... Whoa. Huh. Exploing is still like an important lie. Yeah.

So there's also the point where someone's like, Christian, you're only 27 and I was like, no way. We come out of here. We come out of here. We come out of here. I missed that. But seriously?

He looks bad for 27. He wants to be up. That was the first moment where I was like, maybe this guy was left with his mom's dead body for four days because he does not look 27. Yeah, he's like a ghoul or something. He's got crypt rot. Let's make a long story short.

This is when the movie gets ultra soap opera because there's like a party for his birthday. He announces the engagement. Kim Basinger confronts Anastasia and so for the second time We didn't mention before the party he already confronted her like keeping the shitter, right? You can't change him What yeah, she confronted her in the shitter of that fancy house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they call it in a real fancy house She let she walked out of a stall buckling her belt. Woo! Hey, you better stay away from Christian because you think you can tame him. You can't tame him anymore than I could tame that. Gotta go.

And then, so Kim Basinger says, so I see it and take my advice. And Anastasia says, you're trying to take him away from me and Christian said and throw champagne in her face. Christian shows up and says, I'm sorry, it's a martini. Oh, sorry. I just want to talk about the champagne in this movie. All right. What's going on, dude?

There's no bubbles in this fucking champagne, right? It's clearly not Corbell. Is it Loub? Yeah. There's a part where he explains why they're drinking it. He pours something on Anasazia and she shudders as if a thousand waves of pleasure just went through her and Howley and I can't agree on what that liquid was. I thought it was oil. I thought it was champagne Do you guys what what what do you guys? I thought I was oil probably peepee. Okay, probably be on

And so she throws. That is from Ian. That's why I was, yeah, that's why I was so oily. She throws her drink in Kim Basinger's face. Wait, is there something wrong with my PP guys? Please stop saying. Oh, I got to go to the doctor. Hey, dude, it's me.

You are the doctor. Just a problem with your paper all over. There's a problem with your peepee, dude. He's like a doctor who has a much of surfboards up in his office. And he's always just... Yeah, boasters, like boasters, they sports. Yeah, and he's strumming on an unplugged electric guitar while he diagnoses you. We're so close to being in the end of this movie. He goes to Scrum in for surgery and he has to wash his pukeshell necklace.

Okay, so Christian walks up. He has the best line of the movie in my opinion where he says, you taught me to fuck, but she taught me to love. And then, and his adopted mother over hears this, slaps Kim Basin or in the face. And we're in full on dynasty mode at that point. They were best friends. They were best friends before that,

because she didn't get that he apparently can be sexually abusive, but then somehow, when she heard that very small comment, she understood the whole breadth of like the deep abuse that happened. There was some kind of usual suspects montage they cut where all the clues from the past 27 are 12 years because he's only 27, filter back in.

So Kim Basinger has been cast out by like the Scarlet Woman she is. It looks like Anastasia and Christian are going to be able to settle down and just be non-SNM missionary folks. Fireworks go off because, again, they're super rich. Did they have a scene where- It gets hard. He gets hard. Did I ever see where Kim Basinger is stripped

of all our vestiments, like one of the skexies in the dark crystal? I would have loved if they had some kind of sword, yeah, they had to cut off parts of a block of stones as you could say. Yep, and then a bunch of Garthom come out, and I'm sword, yeah, they had to cut off parts of a block of stones as you could say. Yep, and then a bunch of Gartham come out and I'm like, whoa, I'm into this movie now. 50 Shades Darker Crystal, yeah.

So real cat on a hot 10-10 room situation, though. Imagine how much butt whipping you could do if you have six arms, like one of the ancients. Maybe they only had four, I don't remember. Anyway, everything looks like it's going to be great, right? But we know there's another movie in the series. How could they have reached such a picture perfect ending? Because far away, on a rock mountain top,

watching the festivities. Who is it? It's several details we forgot to include earlier on. Like what? Like what? Which was the creepy boss who sexually. I know we talked about, but we didn't say that there was some anonymous person at the birthday party that took a picture of Christian, Grey's, family portrait. And when I saw it, I was like, oh, that's like, Anastasia's boss.

Why is he at that party? But apparently it was supposed to be... You didn't think it was just like some guy going to a party. He's like, oh, there's some nice pictures here. I'll take photos with my phone like a normal person. What's the modern artist who takes pictures of fine art pictures in museum settings or home settings

and that answer comment on the institutional qualities of the art market? Who am I talking about? It was in the New York. It's Pratt source and it's fucking thing. OK, anyway, well the point is, the point is, he's got that picture because he got it developed super fast. That's crazy dude.

Oh yeah. He took it to a one hour photo. They were putting it in analogy. It really helped out then. Somebody listening, this is going to like it. Anyway, so he's standing like a timber wolf watching everything that's going to have a mountain lion. And he's got this picture that he just took a little earlier and And he looks like something bad to happen. His life's falling apart and he takes a cigarette and he burns a hole through Christian Grey's face

in the photo. Which you know Christian would be into, dude. Yeah. To be fair, and you're left wondering, uh-oh, how is Christian Grey, a billionaire who could survive a helicopter crash, gonna deal with an unemployed book editor? I guess we'll have to stay tuned for 50 Shades Free. who could survive a helicopter crash gonna deal with an unemployed book editor. I guess we'll have to stay tuned for Fifty Shades Free.

Yeah, all right, let's move on finally to final judgments. Whether this was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked, Ali, what do you have to say? I'm gonna say one thing. I thought this was a bad bad movie, but I still thought it was a better movie than the first one. Yeah.

Because a few things happened in it. Where's the first one, not a lot happened in it. What do you think, Hal? I thought it was a good, bad movie. I mean, I did think, like I texted you, Dan, after I watched it. I did think it was the greatest love story of our time.

Yeah. But you know, a little slow. I feel like there's a good bad movie hidden in this one if they could cut like 35 minutes out of it. I do think Dakota Johnson should be given props because she is good in this. She's pretty good. And she has like nothing to work with.

Yeah. No, I would agree with that. I think it's a bad, bad movie, but it's more fun to watch the first one I agree, because I think it has a sense of humor about itself a little bit. I feel like they kind of know it's ridiculous, and it's a bunch of talented people being like, all right, we got to make those fucking movies.

So they put like secret jokes in there, and it's better than the first one because there's a Chronicles of Riddick poster in the background of one thing. That was amazing. I forgot, I remember seeing it, but I don't remember where it was. He was in Christian Grey's bedroom.

It's like his childhood bedroom's bedroom. That's right. It's like his childhood bedroom. It's something that I can only assume that when he and Anastasia had sex in his childhood bedroom, she was staring at the whole time. If only it was really a couple. So yeah, I'd probably say this is a good bad movie. I find it kind of fascinating.

There's something about how like, I know what this movie's trying to do. It's trying to put this couple as how like, I know what this movie's trying to do. It's trying to put this couple as this like, you know they're on this collision course where they're gonna get together. And there's nothing in the movie that indicates that they should be together. Like as you were saying, like every time

he does constantly, he does these like, fucked up abusive relationship things. And then she immediately forgives him when he's like, I'm gonna draw a square on my chest like fuck off but The I just find I just found it kind of fascinating and weird and it's oh, man It's just so strange So I'm also within the context of knowing like how successful this is I'm like this people are really into this like

There's a lot of people out there who are really into this, which makes it that much more fascinating. And I don't know, like, I don't know if I'm like, white-niding or something, but I think Dakota Johnson actually does a pretty good job with the movie. That's why I agree. Yeah.

Hey, Teresa. Just curious, George,'s Boothest Count? It doesn't. Well, I blame my current life situation that has small children that need things. God, I love them, and I miss no way about stuff. Well, after catching up on my current cultural offerings on podcasts that provide such information, don't ask someone badmothers as we help explore the harsh realities of sweeping self-identity changes as we try to find ourselves realities of sweeping self identity changes

as we try to find ourselves between our pre and post-kids selves. I used to like all the things! Download One Bad Mother on MaximumFund.org or Apple Podcast. And yes, there will be swears. MaximumFundCon tickets are on sale now at maxfuncon.com. Watch standup comedy on a mountain. Roll out of bed after a dance party to see a live podcast taping. Take classes from amazing teachers with the most supportive group of people you'll ever meet.

Make a bunch of friends and eat a ton of s'mores. Come to Max Funcon at Lake Arrowhead, California, the second weekend of June for friendship, comedy, and creativity. Get your ticket now at MaxFuncon.com. Hey, it's Dan here breaking in with a few messages from sponsors and jumbo trams. Sorry that I'm flying alone. I know you like hearing those other two jokers, those other two crack-em-ups, those other two jerks talk, but you know sometimes you gotta do it solo. And speaking of solo, it's not actually speaking of solo at all. I'm just looking for a segue and one did not present itself to me. Blue Apron. Blue Apron is your number one place to get fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and step-by-step

recipes right to your door. They can be cooked, that can be cooked, rather, in under 45 minutes. The menu changes every week based on what's in season and is designed by a Blue Apron's in-house culinary team or culinary team. Either way is correct, you can look it up in the dictionary. Blue Aprons sends only non-GMO'd ingredients and meet with no added hormones. Now listen, Blue Apron is treating the flop house listeners to their first dinner, a $30 value if you visit blueaprin.com slash flop house. So check out this week's menu and get your $30 off with free shipping at blueaprin.com slash flop house. Blueaprin,

a better way to cook. You know, people say I read these things too slowly. And maybe they're right. I don't know. Should I speed through the next one? Is that insulting to our fine sponsor who paid for a certain length of a spot? Who knows? Who knows? I don't know. I should know. I'm the producer of this damn show. But that brings us to Squarespace. Squarespace! Thanks you can do with Squarespace? Well, you can create a beautiful website to showcase your work. You can sell products and services of all kinds. You can announce an upcoming event or special project. All of the things you can do basically with a website you can do with a Squarespace. And Squarespace does this by giving you beautiful templates created by world-class designers that

are easy to customize for your site. Powerful e-commerce, yeah, the deba deba deba. They don't give you that. And frankly, I'm really, you know, more websites should give you bedabba deba da. I mean, there's literally, you know, I can only think of one that gives you bedabba deba da. That's bedabbaada Bada.com. It's spelled like it sounds. Now what I meant to say is it has powerful e-commerce functionality.

Everything optimized for mobile right out of the box with built-in search engine optimization and analytics and 24.7 award-winning customer support. So head to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now this is the point in the squarespace I had where Elliot would probably say something like,

damn, can I use Squarespace to do my website poopcassels.com and he would go on on a long ranch about what poopcastles.com would be I'm assuming castles made of poop although maybe it's just a castle where you can go to poop. And I would say yes Elliot you dummy. Any website can be done with Squarespace. So let's just pretend that that happened here. We got a couple of jumbo trams on the docket here. Silver screen redemption podcast is making fun of bad movies not enough for you sometimes. At the Silver screen redemption podcast you can help us make bad movies. Specifically we make bad sequels to all your favorite movies like La La Land, It and all dogs go to heaven. Look for the silver screen redemption on iTunes or wherever you download podcasts. Wherever you

download podcasts. We have a personal jumbo-tron message as well. This goes out to Annie and Rafe from Sean and Sky and it says, Happy Cajmas! Hopefully this comes out in Cajmas, otherwise happy belated Cajmas. Thank you for introducing us to the original peaches and hope you guys have a great time in BC and may all your Cajmas wishes come true. That's nice. I don't know what cagemas whistles are. Maybe a new castle, not a poop castle, but so back to the show where we're taking questions. See you on the other side. All right. We just move on because we're running long to our final segment of the evening, which is taking some questions from the audience. There's a microphone over to the left of the stage here.

If you were at the early show and didn't get to ask a question, rush over as fast as you can. Yes. And if you weren't at the early show, I guess also rush over. No, I just feel bad about the people we weren't able to get to. You're right, because Dan, this is a special time. It's a special time that we want you to share together. Sally, stand up and join us, because this is a time.

This is the time to remember when you get to ask us questions. This is the time to dismember. If you caught the guy who killed your parents, this is the time to remember. Was this the same guy or did you get the wrong guy? This is the time for November. No way, it's June. November's too soon. This is the time for the questions and they will not ask forever. This is the time for the questions and I will not stop. No never. It's kind of like how in 50 shades of gray the music just kind of matched the moment. Yeah, yeah. I apologize for everyone who's due turned on now because of that.

Sir, you've been waiting patiently while you're saying, what's your question? Hi, I'm Andy. I flew in from Singapore just here for a couple days. Well, I got to stop by. Thanks for flying in. I assume just for this show, and you fly out tomorrow. Exactly. I used to have a very vested interest in sex toys. And I want to know what?

It's that kind of night, everybody. What are the best sex toys in movies that you've seen. The best sex toys in movies. Hello? Okay, wait, I had a problem with Mike for a second, but now it's back. Best sex toys in movies. You guys have seen seven, right? Well... No, not that one.

Not that one. Not that one. No, is this in mainstream films? Yeah, I've seen sex toys in certain films that I have watched primarily on my computer. But I don't know about mainstream films. Primarily. Sometimes on a jumbo drone. Sometimes I want to share these periods with others.

Yeah, you know, a power glove can be a sex toy from the movie The Wizard if you're using it right. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, someone's shedded at sleeper for what's it called your gazmatron or something? I don't know if I call that sex toy so much as a sex booth. It's a little big and expensive to call a toy, but... And I think somebody also shouted out the pie from American pie I'm assuming.

Yeah. Just more... That's a pie, not a hit. That's a... It's a pie, not a hit. That's a... Certainly taste good. That's as good an answer as any.

All right. Thank you for that question. Stumped us. It's a little blue. A little blue. Kyle, last name withheld? Hi, us. It's Stump the bar. It's a little blue. A little blue. Kyle, last name withheld? Hi, Kyle. Katar and I'm assuming.

Oh, well, from Shadowless. Shadowless. I'm sorry. That's fucking dash render, dude. I have to call it out, because I'm so sorry for Kyle. OK. Go on, your question. I recently listened to the last Airbender episode,

which is a really bad movie based on a really good franchise. So I was wondering if you've ever seen a bad movie based on a franchise that even though you didn't like the movie, you were still interested to check out what the franchise is about. I feel like it's not a, I guess it's kind of a franchise, but like when I saw a dude as a kid, I was like, I don't know what's happening in this movie, but I wanna read this book real bad.

And I liked it a lot. That's a good question. I can talk about dune some more. It's weird how much of the flop house has become a dune podcast, but... I'll throw it off! That's why. I mean, those movies like The Mask that I was like, I'm kind of interested in reading the source material.

What's going on here? But I guess that was a good great movie because it gave culture so many great lines like Smokin and all the other Somebody stop me. Yeah, yeah, I Contributed Cameron Diaz to the world. Uh-huh. Yeah, and a dog with a mask on like totally peas on dudes I Think that's I think I have a a theme tonight where I'm talking about a theme tonight where I'm talking about pee pee. No. Oh.

Dan, Halley. I'm not, I don't even have an answer to this question because I don't really understand it. So I'm going to be like, yeah. Dan, is there some like, manga you want to read? Because you love the anime so much or didn't care for it? Yeah, let's say that. Let's move on.

OK. Next question. What did you call? Hey, dudes. Hey, Halley. Hey, dude. I'm a dude. Oh, excuse me. I love how everything I say is automatically feminist.

Weirdest feminist rallying cry Ladies can be dudes too. I am a big fan of the flop house But I'm also a big fan of your work as the hogs bottom three. Oh Stuart Wellington's baby I'm hoping to start up a dnd podcast of my own and I'm wondering if you have advice for how to keep a D&D podcast entertaining and not a lot of math. Stuart? Yeah, I mean, I like a wow a very love refrigeration unit of some kind sort of from a practical standpoint I

would say if you're going to be the dungeon master just roll a sit by yourself and roll a 20 sided dive a bunch of times and record all the results then take that piece of paper and use it on air so you don't actually have to roll the dice every time. It cuts down quite a bit. Good answer, good answer. Okay, next question. That's real, I said genuine nuts and bolts answer.

Yeah, all right. Thank you. Hi, my name is Matt last name with held. I drew it from North Carolina. I just wanted to shout out. I'm just saying this because the New York Max Fun Group is like amazing and we want to like destroy them at some point, but it's going to be a couple of years. It's amazing. It's amazing. I must destroy them. Yeah, is this raw all of a sudden where you're like, hey guys, I know you're doing something but check out on Thursday.

We're going to be doing it having this fight. So, my question is, so the first movie is pretty much, it's like Anastasia and Christian and her roommate, like a little bit in the beginning. But this movie introduced a number of characters that were kind of affecting Christian's life and Anastasia's life. Which of those characters would you

like to see in either like a David Fincher, Darren Aaronovsky movie that was just about their life and all that the weird fucked up shit that happened to them since they met Anastasia Christian, because there's so much baggage there for every one of them that shows up. I have an answer immediately. OK.

All right, you know the scene where Anastasia's got in the promotion, and then the woman who has worked at that company for way longer comes in. And she's like, yeah, and she's like, oh, how does this work? I guess I'm your assistant now. And she's like, listen, I don't know. Let's just play it by ear.

Don't get coffee for me unless you're getting coffee for yourself. Yeah, because she's quoting her mom's movie, Working Girl. Oh. Yeah. Well, I didn't get that. No, no, when I was watching, I was like, they just movie, Working Girl. Oh! Yeah. Well, I didn't get that. No, no, when I was watching, I was like,

they just stole from Working Girl. And my wife went, because that's because it's her mom. Oh, yes, of course. Okay, now I get it. But anyway. Further, okay, that's awesome. Thank you, thank you guys. Woo!

But beyond that, life is really fucked up for that woman who like should have gotten the promotion. To be fair, I'm a... I'm a sazi had a great couple weeks at the office. Yeah, so I would like to see the story of her because she's hot. She's been there longer. She... Her name is Anna.

Her name is Hannah versus Anna which they called her at the office No, yeah, this is I'll watch this movie all good stuff. Yeah Yes, stop getting mad, Hallie I would like to see I'd like to see a movie about Christians She a maid or I think she's assistant, but I don't know. I mean this stuff. She's seen made or... I think she's just assistant, but I don't know. I mean, the stuff she's seen. Yeah.

When she cleans out that shower, then I'm assuming squirts out lube and set a water. Yeah. Yeah. It's like the girl with this not quite dragon tattoo, but pretty cool tattoo, but you're ever gonna see it. Yeah, I think that's right.

I don't quite know what you mean, but let's go. I mean, that's a good answer. We should move on to the next question. Good answers, good answers, good questions, good answers. That's the Flapp House way, yes? Hi, guys. So my question is in the spirit of this franchise, what is your favorite most awkward

or unconvincing sex scene in all of movies? Oh, there's so many. So many. I will, you have one Stuart from your least favorite movie of all time, right? I mean, there is a scene in the worst movie of all time. Where the... Give me one second, I'm not shartin' at it. Name it.

Do you remember the name? It's flopped right out of my head. It's got a number of days. And a number of nights. And a number of nights. 40 days and 40 nights, guys. I did it. We all got there together as a team. So in this movie, there's a scene where Josh Hartnett

abstaining from sex for length, like you do, premarital sex. If he got married during the course of the movie, I guess he could have sex. That's fine. But he brings Shannon Sossamon to climax by blowing flower petals across her tummy, which do that counts as sex. Like a rose by any other name. Literally, because rose is at pedals.

Did I vamp long enough? Yeah, yeah, no, that was good. Okay, cool. I just want to shout out to all of the uh, cinematics and showtime movies where uh, people are supposedly having sex and they do it in such a way where they can tort their hand as always. They're always over the penetration area

and they appear to be having sex with the woman's navel. That's what I was gonna say. That's led to some awkward moments for you, I'd imagine. Yeah. I'm like, no, I think you do it like this. This doesn't seem to be going anywhere, guys. Teethy told me. I'm supposed to put my hand here.

I don't know why. I just highly do have one or should we move on? OK, good question. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Hi, Brian, last name with help. Why is everyone so embarrassed about being a fan of your show?

Well, it's a weird show, am I? Were you listening? Were you listening to our show? No one wants their name on record as a fan. Everyone in line is like, think of a fake name. Think of a fake name. I'm a stossie. I'm a rocking with him. Tell me, I'm skeet. I'm skeet all rich of anyone else. Oh, the other guy took skeet.

I can't say that. Oh, I'll be straight. Wait, that's not even a name. What other loosies have examples of really shitty sex music that stand out to you? Obviously it's Watchmen, dude. That's themen, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the most obvious one, hallelujah fuck off. Yeah.

So I already went, dude. Yeah, I'm not going to be able to think of that. I mean, I would then have to go to the Skinamax well again. Yeah, I know. That's what I was thinking. I would say, if there's a soundtrack album of the songs they plan those, I want to find out. So I can buy it for Dan for his birthday.

I would hate it. Somebody could play that. I would see Dan start getting flustered. I don't. He's like loosening his collar. I've already revealed too much about myself, but there's a song. Oh, guys. Here it comes.

Just be ready. Somebody close that door. Now, in these Skin of Max movies, there's a song that is used over and over and over again. It's clearly like some company bought it for their library. And these are different movies, right? Not the same movies. They're all the same.

And the TV shows. Yeah. They're all essentially the same production company. And they always have the song that goes, I want your love. I've got to have it. I need your love. I've got to have it.

I've done karaoke with Dan like a lot and he always does that stuff. Good question. Good question. Hi, I'm Erica. Hi, Erica. So, Ellie, you said earlier that this movie would make a lot more sense if Christian Gray was a vampire. Yes. My understanding is that it actually started out as some kind of twilight fan fiction. Exactly. It was twilight Twilight fan fiction and once you think about that, we were watching it, you're like, oh, I get it. He's a wallpier. Yeah, so I wanted to know if there was any other exciting fan fiction erotic or otherwise

that you would really like to see turned into a series of movies. I mean, some would say that many of the comic books produced today are just fan otherwise that you would really like to see turned into a series of movies. I mean, some would say that many of the comic books produced today are just fan fiction with official Emperor Toronto, but I wouldn't say that. I wouldn't say that. Oh, Lordy, that Zander Cage fan fiction. Does that, is there something that more than meets the eye about this young lady hanging out with Xander Cage, Elliot? You'll have to read this story.

You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story.

You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have to read this story. You'll have you know. Yeah. It's about you and care bears.

Yeah, people she knows. She knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's really romantic, right? It's not really the sex that you're interested in. No, it's not romantic. It's dirty. Oh, okay. It's a new meaning to the word care. Man, but I don't know. That's a good question.

We're going to have to do some research and get back to you on that one. Thank you. Next question. Okay, this question is for Dan. Is Jackie Chan in this movie? It's a good question, dude. Can you answer this? So, okay. He was in Mr. Nice Guy

He was in Rumble in the Bronx He was in Police Story I think Jackie Chan was not in this movie Yes Thank you. Good job, dude. Mine's not going to be as far as that. Will last name withheld, Hype and last name withheld. A hyphenated last name withheld.

Oh, no. There's a story behind that. Is that a haunted house? Yes. Okay. For different amounts of time. So you guys have talked on the show about actors who are good to great actors like Idris Elba who either out of shade decisions or financial necessity always

end up in bad movies who are bad actors you think constantly end up in good movies otherwise good movies. Oh time to burn some ridges. I mean I mean there's a certain actor who I'm not a fan of, who has been on the skids a little bit, but for a while he was never thing, who I don't wanna give away who he is. But his name rhymes with LaRuff. His name rhymes with Nile LaRuff. And for a while he was in every single movie,

and I was like, he's fine. Why is he in every movie? And then I remember talking to a coworker of mine who was a girl, he was in every single movie and I was like, he's fine. Why is he in every movie? And then I remember talking to a coworker of mine who was a girl or a lady. And she was like, oh, you don't get it. And I do not. And I do not. And I do not.

You know, I think I can't think of more like actors that keep getting miscast. Like there's a period of time where Colin Farrell, who I think is very good in certain things, they kept putting him as like the badass lead in an action movie and I'm like, I don't want to see that dude. But he has a pretty good range and he's a good actor, just not in that man. But I thought he was good in the, you know. He was great in, you know.

Yeah. He was great in, you know. Yeah. You know, the season two of the True Detective, right? What are you talking about? I mean. That was the thing that he was really good at for me. Really? Yeah, that was like the one he was really good at for me. Really? Yeah, that was like the one that he was good at.

Not like in a bruiser. No. The lobster he's great in. Fuck the lobster dude. Yeah. I'm the lobster. The lobster. Do you?

Yeah. I don't like the lobster dude. I don't like the lobster. Oh my god, we got to talk about this. Everybody's like, oh my god, this is so interesting. It's like, oh my god, it's about online dating. It's like a cultural commentary on, yeah. That's what it's, oh.

I didn't take that from it. We're going to have to have a long lobster conversation later over lobster. I'm a vegetarian. Oh, well, you can, I'll stuff your lobster shell full of broccoli. Dan, do you want to talk shit about any actors? Uh, I don't know.

Like all the people I can think of are just like, Dan's like, I like all the actors. No, it's just like, it's not worth it. Like, I don't know, like, there's people like Henry Cavill who like has shown up in bad movies, but then is like, now he's Superman. And it's just like, all right, you know, you're Superman. I guess you're right.

Superman. There's a, there's a trend're super man, I guess you're super man. There's a trend in Hollywood. That's damn being excited. Yeah. There's a trend in Hollywood for what I would call uninteresting faces. Just kind of like the same handsome face. And I kind of miss more interesting faces.

In the silent era, it was all about faces. Let me take you back to a magical time. No, no, no, we're going way over time. But I feel like we should get through these three last questions. Hi, I'm Miss Maximus. Great. And I will not withhold anything. I'm actually in BDSM. Cool. Thank you. Off the Cuffs podcast if I can give a plug. Okay, we'll charge you later. Thank you. People that are actually that I know in BDSM hate these movies because they're so misrepresentative.

So I was wondering if there are any movies that you guys hate because they're misrepresentative of things you enjoy or things you do or... Let me talk about. Hmm. I mean. Well, you guys always talk about Studio 60 on the Sunset's trip. Yeah. The most accurate show. That I've gone from hating it to loving it.

When it was a television show on the air, I was like, oh, I hate it. But now that it's dead, I'm like, oh, I love it now. Because it's harmless to me. The same way that, like, if there's a serial killer who's around now, this is terrifying. But there's something about old-timey serial killers or criminals who are like, ah, well, that's interesting, you know. Well, I want a scam.

Can't hurt me now. Yeah, what a rascal. Now, Ellie, are you telling me that in all your time, is head writer of the Daily Show with John Stewart and head writer of Mystery Science Theatre, 3,000, The Return? There are. Thank you. There is no time where there was not

a gaggle of people outside your office waiting for you to come out so you could give him your signature. Nope, that never happened. I mean, if it was a really accurate show, then the character would be all stressed out all week, rushing to make something done. And then he'd go to some kind of function that his parents, friends, are at. and then he'd tell them what he's working

on, they'd be like, I don't know what that is, and it doesn't sound interesting to me. Like why don't you work on CSI? That would be the experience, yeah, yeah. But no, we don't live in the magical universe they created where sketch comedy is the highest and for most popular form of entertainment, the head writer is the biggest star and conservative Christians hate it. What are you going to do? It's a beautiful world we'll never live in. You know, for a little, I don't dislike it because it's totally inaccurate, but there's

that Ryan Reynolds comedy waiting about people working a restaurant together. And I mainly don't like it because there was a period of time where everybody I talked to when I was, I think it was when I was working at Bob Evans or shortly after people were like, oh, you gotta watch this movie,

you're really gonna love it. And when I was working for Games Workshop, like multiple dudes got fired for doing pranks based on that movie. Like, what's wrong with you, dude? I thought you were going to say that Tom Hanks movie where Dungeons and Dragons drives him crazy. Maze is a monster.

Maze is a monster, thank you. Yeah, that shit's real fake. That shit's real fake. Doesn't ever happen. Next question, please. Thank you for that one. Hello. My name is James Lindeen.

Big fan of the show. Oh, thanks. Thank you. Thanks for coming. My question is, what is your favorite PG-13 or lower movie that is appropriately or inappropriately extremely pornographic. Um.

All right. Pretty woman. Pretty woman. Pretty woman is not an R movie. That's a PG-13 movie. Oh, no. Then why did my parents let me watch? What?

Because they were like, how do you want to show you what love is like? And they did. There are two movies that involve Tanya Roberts bathing naked in rivers or pools that are PG rated. There's two? Yeah.

Beast Master and Sheena. Oh, I forgot. Beast Master and Sheena. Oh, I forgot about Beast Master. And both of them would play all the time on HBO. And if you were lucky, you would catch the exact right moment on them. I mean, just one of the guys is PG-13, right? It is? Yeah.

I don't know. It's not, it's certainly not all in my opinion. My parents also show that to me, but I'm more in right now. I don't know. Maybe it's rated G. You've gone mad like a character in a band of an Edgar out post-order. I don't know. Our whole relationship was a lie at this point.

So for like a PG-13 kind of sexual movie, I think I'd have to pick, I'm like, I'm going to lie at this point. So for like a PG-13, like kind of sexual movie, I think I'd have to pick the same Ramy movie, Drag Me To Hell. Because there's all that barfing in gross stuff. Wait, that's sexual? Yeah, dude, I'm kind of into that stuff. There's like a demon and a gypsy lady. Nothing more sexual than your about to eat a piece of cake and there's an eye-looking at you. It's Oopopian gloopy.

They should have called it a oopian gloopy. But that's the time I tried to help. Oopian gloopy. Now warning, a cat does die in that movie. Oh, I know. But it's like a bad cat, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's not a bad, and where's a bandana?

It's not top cat. It's not like it's not cat from the green of the teenage witch, you know, it's not a heath lift. Garfield's a bad cat, so it could be Garfield. Yeah, all right, everyone's getting restless, let's get to our last question. Sure, okay, one last question, we got one last question, then we can send you all home. Do I assume, do it? Like you heard about in the movie. All right. Emily, last name meant withheld. I would like to know what the flop house cat thought of this movie. Mm.

Oh, all right. I'll have to sign a contract. Wow. What's George doing there? He's been drinking too. He didn't watch the movie at all. Okay, well, I'll have to show it to him later. What do you think he's gonna say? What would you guess?

You know, I think he's gonna say... Barra! And I'm like, get outta here, it wasn't that good. Wait, so he's like Chubaka when he says that, you understand it as sentences? I think Chubaka's like him. All right. Guys, it's been a lot of fun tonight.

We appreciate everyone coming out. Allie, thank you for being here. Allie, this is going to be your last live show as a full-time resident of New York. Yeah, last one of these recordings, yeah. Yeah. I know. Hey, you know what, guys? You're right.

I won't move. You'll one me over. Dan, I'm still going to move. I know. It's a bittersweet thing. It's a bittersweet symphony. That's life. I think you owe the Rolling Stones money now.

But thank you guys so much for coming out. It's been a blast. You guys have been so great. Thank everyone who came for the first show too. Thanks to Halle. Thanks for Halle for being the star of the show. And thanks to our booth crew, thanks to everybody here at the Bell House, thanks to the bartenders, thanks to the security people, thanks to the chandeliers. No, no, we're not good night moaning this. For the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy.

I've been steward Wellington. I've been Elliot Kaelin of Somewhat's said. I'm Helen Hagland. Thank you everybody. Some of the more eagle-eyed people in the audience who can count have noticed that there are four chairs out here. Dan, Dan, are you implying that there are people in the audience who can't count? I'm implying that there's some non-eagle eye people out there. People who have not stolen an eye from an eagle and put it right in their own eye.

No, you got me. I shouldn't have critiqued you. Does that work? Because my eyes are terrible. It works, but I mean, if you want to desecrate the simple of our great nationally, just to improve your own vision, then. Very much so, yes. All right.