The Flop House - Ep.#247 - Bright

Episode Date: January 6, 2018

Two in-person episodes in a row? This one recorded in Dan's apartment? Must be a post-Cagemas miracle! And to ring in the New Year, we talk about Netflix's racially shaky blockbuster Bright. Meanwhile, Dan explains his dimension of shrimp, Elliott likely angers Marc Maron, and Stuart is Ike Barinholtz's number one fan. Wikipedia synopsis for Bright Movies recommended in this episode A Dark Song Brawl in Cell Block 99 I, Tonya Logan Lucky Dunkirk

On this episode we discuss Bright. Starring Will Smith, Joel Edg house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys, I'm Stuart Willington, what's up? I see Stuart Pauys, there we go, Open a can. So I'll wait for Andrew to do myself. I'm Elliott Kaelin, the third co-host of this show. And in many ways, the glue

that holds it together, the hand that rocks the cradle. That's not the same thing. The mouse remembering that movie. The great mouse detective, the mouse that roared. Well, that kind of. The nine and a half weeks. The Finnegan's wake.

No, that's a buzzer. Was there any other Finnegan that you were thinking? Was the Finnegan's rainbow? Yeah, I think it was Finnegan's rainbow. If you want to see a boring musical, check out Finnegan's rainbow. That's my pull quote. Wow, I didn't know this was Dan Bash's theatrical performance. There's a movie version of it too. Okay, which is that good too or

bad or Dan? Dan, I'm sorry. You introduced the concept of looking directly at you. Dan, I don't know if I want to defend your hot take on Finneon's rainbow. You're going to have to answer all the, all the, all the redditors who are mad about it. Yeah, all the fans are like, that's not my finneon. My finneon would never do the things in this movie. They go, uh, this is not very, uh, not very, uh, come on, you're mocking a fan. I know. I know. I know what I could get right

away. The price fan's rainbow powers all different in this movie. Guys, let me, let me level with you. Okay. Okay. We are in New York City. City I've been visiting from my new hometown of Los Angales, of which more in the show. And we are about to get hit by a cyclone bomb of snow. And that means my flight was canceled. And now I'm kind of having trouble focusing on anything other than wondering if I'm going to be able to get out of this shit town. Okay. And get back to sunny Los Angeles.

So I apologize if my ability to imitate a Reddit commenter who is angry that Finneon's rainbow is not as close an adaptation of the original source material, which I assume is a comic book series of some kind, as he would like it to be. I'm apologize if my ability to do that has been hampered somewhat by my fearing for the lives of myself and my family, because we're trapped in New York in the year 27. No, 2018. Yeah, this is certainly worth all the air time you're

debuting. I'm just saying, it the year is 2018, roving gangs of cyborg marauders have taken to the streets of New York. Uh huh. And only a roller skating gang called the solar babies, one naming themselves after their favorite movie. One thing for one thing's for sure, we haven't lost it. Like the three of us back in the same room. It's electric, right? Yeah, it's like the movie solar babies.

That's a like every moment's great. So what the fuck do we do on this podcast then? We don't talk about weather and weird bullshit that nobody knows about. We don't talk about solar babies. That's why our solar babies podcast. You're yelling at me as if I brought solar babies. Damn, why are you always bringing them? So, no, you're right.

You brought Finneon's rainbow. We've even done more to things to bring up than solar babies. At least most of our listeners are probably immediately checking YouTube to see if there's an illegal stream of the movie solar babies right now. If they're not and I'm lost my faith in them. Yeah. This is a movie. Wait. No. Check. Back up. Okay. Guys, what happened to it. We watched a bright and suddenly our minds are not working properly. We watched it. Yeah, what happened?

What do we do with this podcast? It's too much. Don't fight the bright. Don't let bright take over. We'll fight the bright. Did somebody hit you or the magic wand? I'm going to give for get out of the talk. It's like a magic spell was cast to stop people from criticizing bright.

What did you think of that movie bright? Oh, you know, it wasn't very gloomy. Look, look, look, what? You know, it was pretty bad. Look, I assume it was good. You're just not telling me that. You're speaking of the show I'm assuming. Or because-

Something that you learned after watching the movie and liking it so much. You loved it so much. Yeah. So again. So what do we do on this podcast? We do on this podcast, not a movie. Yes.

Yes. This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie. You do great. Keep fighting the bright. And then we talk about it. And in this case, we took a little detour from what we usually do, which is watch theatrical releases and watched a Netflix film. But this is the first of Netflix's new slate, I think, guess they their hoping of giant feature films. Yeah. They want to show, they can make movies just as big and just as dumb as anybody. Yeah. And then they can advertise the shit out of them.

Because why spend any money advertising save the return of a cult classic television series called, let's just call it Blistery Blinds, Bleeder, Bleed Blows, and Blubble Burn. Why would you spend a dime, to promote that? Yeah, I did not say that. I'm not afraid. A family show anyone can watch

that provides hilarity and lifts the spirit when you can spend millions promoting a movie where a cop is partnered with an orc and they fight about a wand. The show you're talking about, it sounds like a project that would appeal toward long time fans, but also be welcoming to new viewers. Maybe it would give a fresh spin on an old favorite

in a way that would make both the original episodes more lucrative and give them a wider base. And also you know what, introduce a fresh cast of characters and maybe a great head writer who is right. But not necessarily. Why don't we instead give all that money to a bad movie made by people who make other bad things?

Well, you know, everyone tried hard, probably. I really had suddenly turned into like the movie maker's grandma. Everyone tried hard. Look, I want to tell them that bright wasn't for me. Now that he's moved LA,. He's like got a hedge my best There's a chance that me and Joel Edgerton might run into run into each other at Spago or something Wait, is that and is that there? Yeah, that's the spa that you where you go. We're okay. It's a pooping spot

For the constipated I Yeah, no there is the part of me now that more than ever. Now that I'm not in the New York topical satire bubble, the New York, yeah, now that I'm no longer in a New York state of mind, and instead I'm living in an LA minute, what LA songs are there? I'm now like, when you love LA, I know that about you.

I mean, all I wanna do is have some fun until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard in LA. There is a part of me now that's like, how many bridges am I burning every time I do this podcast? Well, I don't think that many people listen to it. So, still reminding Stu, still reminding. So, but Bright is in Netflix's mind,

I guess this is the first wave of major Netflix motion pictures. Plus again, and also normally we watch a movie that's either a critical or financial flop. And this movie, though it didn't necessarily technically make money, Netflix claims it was a huge success. It got a record number of viewers and they've already greenlit a sequel.

So, yeah. Now, I mean, I don't. I don't. I don't want to get into this too much because I'm stupid on the subject. Let's just say on which subject are you stupid of the many that you're done on? I'm like, what the, the Netflix? So what happens is you load up your Netflix, what, okay? Yeah, because yesterday we know I'm in some trouble.

How do you have to go into it? Yeah, so it's going to give you an option for account. You got to pick the account that is yours. You don't pick out somebody else's account because they might have different faves than you. Can I take, what if I just pick the kids account? You don't wanna do that. Okay. You're gonna see some crazy stuff.

So you're gonna go to your account and there's gonna be a bunch of recommendations. And you know what? Just watch those. I mean, just trust Netflix, dude. I have the screen full of, I assume, what, it's just a list of text titles. Yeah.

And I like what do I have? Yeah, it is your cursor. Okay. Did it what highlight the way that I wanted to say? Yeah, you click on the thing and then you drag it into your viewer box. And then what are you typing like run.exe Netflix? No, that's crazy. That was in the original version of Netflix.

This one you just drag it into the viewer box and then you strap on your goggles and you're ready to go. Sounds easy, sounds super easy. And that's like, watch cheers. I mean, you can watch any episode of Cheers You Want as long as it's between seasons two and four. I mean, the no joke aside for me Netflix lately has become a Cheers Delivery device. Oh, that's great.

My wife and I will get me home, I will put our son to bed. And then it's like, maybe they will have dinner and was like, you know what, let's just watch Cheers. And so if you go to the recently watched in the section in my Netflix account, I think it's just Cheers.

Yeah. And the Netflix keeps suggesting wings to you now. And I'm like, they're not the same Netflix. I'm not gonna go hang out in the fucking airport. It keeps suggesting it's always sunny and Philadelphia. And it's like just because they're both set in bars, doesn't mean they're in any way similar Netflix. You're judging me only by the setting of the show I watch. I want to mean level of success in the day and video connection.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I guess, you know what? You're right. I'm not a fan of that. I'm right. Yeah, it's just like when I watched exit to Eden and now it shows me nothing but Cops undercover at SNM resort movies So the subject I'm done on though is the economics of the showbiz business

Yeah, okay. That's kind of what I was talking about. Yeah, but like this movie cost $90 million dollars It was as widely reported and is this movie going to like draw in people? Like are people going to be like, I got to subscribe to that Netflix. So I can watch right? Yeah. It's all about having content that make people get excited about so that they subscribe to your, your thing. Right. But I understand that I guess when they're making television shows, but when they're making, or even like mid-range movies that are not like, Netflix has had a lot of success actually before

this making kind of like middling budget films. Like, I guess that Gerald's game, maybe, or mud-bound, didn't put a lot of money into Gerald's game. How did Bruce Greenwood get so fucking shredded? Right. He took his shirt off and I'm like, today, I on top of me. I was like, whoa.

I love that you can come of that. I just don't like. Now every time I see Bruce Greenwood in a movie though, I'm like, like he plays, he plays Secretary of Mac Numera in the post. And I was like, oh man, there's no way Secretary Mac Murl was as shredded as Bruce Greenwood is. There's no way. And I was like, oh man, there's no way Secretary MacMurray was as shredded as Bruce Greenwood is. There's no way. But why is he keep pouring water all

over? It was sure. Why is why is Ginny Wine's pony coming up? That's like, I don't I don't believe that in the cabinet meetings he would just rub milk into his own chest. All right, okay. You're the boss, Steven Spielberg. Anyway, this is a movie about Orcs and some shit. So let's talk about Bright.

So Bright is, I'm gonna use a term that, I don't think is a technical term, but I'm gonna introduce it now in case people, in case there's people who need a term for it. Yeah, TM. And I'm just gonna need a term for it. Yeah, TM. And I'm just gonna call it cut and paste. Okay, TM. And maybe that exists already,

but a cut and paste to me is when you take the real world, you stop being polite. Okay, sure. You start being real, yeah. But you take the real world. It gets very taken. And you go, what if this thing, instead of living in a world where there's no magical monster beings?

What if instead of other human races being in different parts of the racial hierarchy in America? What if instead it was like mythical beings and then you kind of cut and paste things so that's like in our world there are, you know, street gangs of non-white races in many cities because they are shut out of economic opportunity and often sequestered into parts of the city that are not the best to live in and so forth. But what if instead of that, they were orcs and then nothing else was different. So actually, in this case, they didn't even totally cut and paste because there's still a Latino street gang that we see running around in this. Yeah, but they're never like well thought out analogies too. I mean, like we are not the

first to point this out, but maybe if you're making a movie about racism, don't postulate that other races are literally not human. They're literally monsters. Yeah, well, there's an ad for a show on Fox, I think. It was a futuristic cop show about a guy who's partnered with a robot. The robot's a black man and the poster just kept showing this man's face with the name the show, almost human on it. You're like, get the fuck out of here. Wasn't the robot black in the movie? Yeah, I thought so.

The robot was black. Oh, I guess I never really watched it. In theory, I guess the other guy could be, he could have been the not robot. They could have been human cops. But it was still the face they were showing with the phrase, almost human. And it seemed in poor taste.

So setting us, I feel like we could spend a lot of time talking about the kind of misguided attempt at a racial message in this where in fact you are instead showing, it's one of those things where it's like the reality is that human beings are relatively interchangeable like and that different humans have different individual capabilities or capabilities. I know what you're saying. I'm not really your best friend.

You have a bunch of other people who are close, you're just as good as me, and everyone's interchangeable. I get your message loud and clear. I think you're missing your say to me completely, Dan. You were telling me that you do have a Dan out in LA. Shh, shh, shh, shh out in LA. Who's like, you know, not really the life of the party, but he shows up, and that really helped.

Don't tell them about my other side guy. I'm sorry, Dan, I didn't mean to use that term. I know that only your kind can use the word side guy. Subscribe yourselves or depressed modes. That's another one that you guys use. Now, what were you saying? I'm sorry. That human being, like, this movie, it's one of those things subscribe yourselves or depressed modes. That's another one that you guys use. Now, what were you saying? I'm sorry.

Human being like this movie, it's one of those things where once you create actual different species, Zootopia is kind of similar to me, where it's like the idea of fighting racism is to show that humans are all human and that stereotypes about race are based on constructs that are not usually not accurate, occasionally they're accurate. My family is very Jewish, but besides that,

there's a, but when you, when instead of you be like, orcs are at the bottom, elves are at the top, isn't that fucked up? And it's like, I'm not, in this world orcs are monster men. And elves have like magic powers. So you're still- We have almost no, and we're given relatively no information about any of these,

like what the differences are. They don't, I mean, they don't seem to be that different, but I guess then they start being ninjas later on. Yeah, but that like you're creating a racial hierarchy where there are very real differences between species, it just upends your message. And the implication seems to be like, oh wait, Sreece, do you think other races

have different powers and abilities? And that's why things are the way they are, like that screwed up. That being said, the movie does have one beautiful thing in it, which is the single, centaur policeman. It was face we never see. He's just kind of in the back around a couple times and it's such a dumb pond on the idea of a mounted policeman like, Hey, in this world, policeman don't ride horses.

They are the horses. It's like Mel Brooks stopped by set one day and he's like, I got an idea and they're like, great Mel toss it in. You got it. But anyway, let's just, so, but, uh, bright is a world where 2000, it's crazy that they put that fucking centaur policeman in the movie. And at no point does he like chase somebody down?

He never helped the heroes never have to ride away on it. Oh, God. It's such a waste. It is such a waste. Speaking of wasted opportunities, the movie bright. So, uh, we're in a world where 2,000 years ago, there was some kind of hobbit style, war's armace.

Now before you get to into it, how does the movie open? Okay. Does it open right into credits? No, there was text on screen though. No, there was the text of a prophecy. Oh right, yeah, I'd forgotten. I've already forgotten what the prophecy said because it was so dumb and so unrelated.

Should we go now here, guys, I was going to try to do this one not in quite as much detail as I usually do. So I want to talk about the dark Lord. I'm going to do the concept first. But if you want, I can do it seen by scene. We open with a quote from a prophecy. Let me just do some world building here. Okay. So 2000 years ago, there was some kind of Hobbit style

of war of nine armies again, or Lord of the Rings style against a dark Lord, who we only see him in spray painted graffiti. And he seems to be basically Elric of Melnibane, like just kind of a big pale pronunciation there. Thank you very much. It's been a lot of time in my youth trying to figure out how to pronounce that name. But it does it. So, and orcs were on the wrong side of this battle. 2,000 years later, this is still an issue. Now, again, those kinds of things can last for 2,000 years. There's still people who don't like Jews because the story of the crucifixion. And there are people who don't like Jews because they just don't like them.

There are people who are still like, there's still that holiday in... Elliot, it makes you feel better. I don't like you for personal reasons. Thank you. I appreciate that. There's still, is it, is it Serbia where they still have a holiday commemorating their loss to the Muslims in the 14th century, like those kinds of, those kinds of things hang over people for centuries, but here's the thing, if that's the case, how come everybody, everything else is exactly the same? Even the fact that everything is exactly the same. That you're in a city called Los Angeles,

which is named after angels, which is an explicitly like Judeo-Christian Muslim thing. And it's specifically a Catholic thing because that whole part of the country was originally settled by Spain and Mexico. Like the idea that it's like we had this dark Lord and there was magic and stuff. There's Jesus's name. There's so many weird anachronisms and weird, not even an anachronisms, just like weird things that wouldn't make sense that they would exist in a world with, you know, like orcs and elves and stuff,

that I would love to hear a commentary track for this movie where the guys from the Magic Tavern podcast explain everything. Well, that'd be wonderful. Chief among them, I think, is the part where they reference the movie Shrek. The movie Shrek wouldn't work in a world where these things are actual things. Would they have actual magic?

And no, it would be like in Magic Tavern where they play that office role-playing game. Like Shrek in that world would be set in normal place with just normal people or something like that. But at one point, the Ork is like... Like, if they were like, hey, the movie shrieks this and all the orcs think it's fucking awesome. It's like what- I like the thing that they think it's amazing

and they always are listening to like fucking smash-match. Like all-star is the like orc theme song. Hey, that's a movie. Dan, go tell Max Landis to change it. So, but the fact that there was a moment where there's a movie. Dan, go tell Max Landis to change it. Okay. The fact that there was a moment where there's a Latino cop and he goes, and the work cop is like, because I'll tell you the plot in the month.

The work cop is like, oh, we're always the bad guy. And the Latino cop's like, hey, we're still getting blamed for the Alamo. It's like, so the Alamo happened in this? So there was still a war of some kind between Texas and general Santa Ana. Like, how did that, how does that work in a world where there are elves and fairies and orcs? Yeah, which side was working for the dark lord at this point?

I don't know. It's like the, I don't know. It's like, it's something that we should have. And it's like one of those classic like alternate dimension things like where you just walk and do another world and it's like, I don't know,'s everything's the same but there's giant shrimp walking around and I feel like that's like I love this idea. Wait, wait, no, this is in this world out. Hold on. They cooked shrimp. Are they finished and prepared for play but they just happen to be a normal. They're like, they're like shrimp shrimp. They look like shrimp cocktails. Okay. So they're in glasses?

That's good. That's like a doctor who's not asleep. They sleep in glasses. They're glasses, okay. They like, yeah, they look their little heads over there. Now, do humans exist here? Or are they, are the shrimp the dominant species? Oh no.

If humans are their pets or their prey. No, I'm pitching a movie where there's a shrimp, there's a shrimp cop, see? And then there's a regular cop played by Bill Smith. Which is also Will Smith's name. That's true. Well, this is slightly less formal Will Smith.

No, this is set in an alternate world where he is Bill Smith. And instead of celebrating the Willenium, everyone celebrated the Bill Emmy. Okay, I follow. You've done your homework. Yeah. Now, strangely enough, there's always a ripple effect. So in that world, there's not a bear grill. There's a bear wills.

Just sure. Yeah. Of course, there's Grille Nelson. Everything flips over to the next guy. Yeah, and it's the Bubba Gump crab company. Because they don't need shrimp there. Yeah, and with the audience sees that they all gasped. They're like, what? You didn't, you monsters. I shouldn't have stepped on that butterfly in the past. Crab company. Then you go into the sea foresters company, it's just like soft shell crab, king crab.

Anyway, so we're in Los Angeles. The year is now, but it's all fantasy stuff. And Will Smith or Bill Smith is some of the first who he's a police man who is partnered with the first ever Orc cop who has the very Orcish name of Nick Jacobi. And so Will Smith plays the part of Darryl Ward. And he's kind of a jerk. He's not a great guy, and the movie opens. Why couldn't his name have been like Clark or something?

What the thought, what, what, it will Smith? You see, in this world. First off, I'm not talking about Bill Smith. In this, in this fantasy world world black men have names like Clark and Thorick rock teeth Everything else is the same But uh, yeah, that's well, I think that's racist of you Stuart to assume and orcs can have a name like Clark

When he could have a name like Nick Jacobi Which I guess and this is something we were talking about while you're watching me. I assume was the name given to his family at Elvis Island, which is the Ellis Island that elves found it. Ellie looked around for like two minutes waiting for us to laugh. It's not an island that Elvis owned, but that's the other thing. They could have done a joke on that. Like, is the Elvis of this world an actual elf? I mean, now we're doing Shrek too. Who died using a magic toilet?

Oh boy. Oh boy. Anyway, yeah, is the band T-Rex called T-Shrex in this fantasy world? Oh no. Oh, I'm imagining the TV and art. Oh no. Who is pregnant in this scenario?

No. Still knuckles. We're tails. Knuckles is never pregnant. No, that's true. He's the unprognator. It's always tails, or sonic. So, Will Smith is introduced waking up after a nightmare.

He was shot in the line of duty. His partner is an orc, and his partner let the shooter who is an orc get away. The orc says by accident, Will Smith thinks maybe suspects it was on purpose. Will Smith's wife is angry because there's a fairy chittering around, flying around inside their window and he wants Will Smith to go outside and kill it, which Will Smith does by hitting it with a broomstick. And we're never quite, never quite clear, fairies are sentient beings.

They're positive to be more like squirrels in this world. Yeah. So you can just beat it to death with a, with a broom. Yeah. Yeah. Like you want to squirrel while yelling, fairie lives don't matter, which is both offensive to the black lives matter movement and also seems like a gayslur. So good, good on you, Max Landis. I guess what I'm saying. According to Twitter, he doesn't remember writing that line. Okay. He says he doesn't remember it. Anyway, because he was on a Coke-fueled binge. In his defense, that does seem like the sort of thing.

Like some idiot would sneak in. And the last, like some executive would be like, hey, let's make a topic. Yeah, it's the equivalent of ADR. They're just like tossing in an extra line at the end of the script writing process. Except I think he's on screen when he says it. No, I know. I mean, that's like script writing.

That is because we're not moving. Yeah. Oh, God. He was saying, what would he say that would have those exact same lip flat moves? Let's get the bad lip reading guys. And I keep referencing other things on the internet. You're being very tough on me. You're saying very white matters. You're saying, uh, very white

matters. Okay. In that world, he does. He's buried the white. And that's when he became after he fought the ball rock. That's the, that's the, when he was buried the gray originally. It's for the TBS cut of the movie. But it's a Netflix film. Why are they selling the syndication rights? Yeah, this is what I'm saying. I don't understand the economics of this. So anyway, there are cops. Nobody likes the orcnic. Everyone's racist against him.

Everyone's like, Will Smith, you got to get rid of him. Like figure out some way to get rid of him. And Nick is- They meet a bunch of other cops. The other cops give both of them a bunch of shit. The orc gets a kick me, stick around his back, which is kind of weird, because it's not even funny.

Like, are they laughing? Cause it's ironically about Joe's, like, I don't know, man. It's not clear. Well, this is an alternate universe where Orc exists, and that's a very funny, and nobody's done that before. That was literally the first time.

Ike Baron Holt shows up and he's a jerk, and it's like, yeah, I guess he's getting that money, right? He's at his career peak of being like a gooney jerk, right? I mean, I wouldn't say that. I mean, he's a great comedic actor, but he's been in a bunch of these suicide squads, right? Yeah, that's true. He has that character headshot where it's like gooney jerk.

Yeah, I'm sure he's a very nice person. Gooney doctor. Gooney. You guys don't need to head your bets. I'm sure he'll still work with you after he listens to this. I just don't know why you're why you're like taking such an interest in like Baron Holtz is like his before he's not a major character. I want to know what he's going to do now that the mini projects done dude.

All right. Well, Ike, if you're listening, right? Yeah, right. Stuart and E. Malik. Well, Ike, if you're listening, right in, right? Stuart and E. Malin. Well, he didn't care of the flop house. One, two, three, main street in New York. Well, why we, we've, we've moved up in the world. Not on fake street anymore, huh?

No, main street now. So Nick is a real sweet soul for an orc. His, his fangs have been sanded down his tusks. And he doesn't, you know what? He's a cop first. He's always wanted to be a cop ever since he was a kid. And he's not blooded, which is, it's never, not clear to the very end what that means exactly, but at some kind of orc, right of passage when you show you have brave race. Some sort of where Wolf Bar mitzvah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Then because boys are coming men

and becoming wolves. Yeah. And he's kind of he's he's like an eager puppy character where he just wants to kind of fit in and please and and do his job right. He's a little too innocent for my liking of it. He's a lot of times he's almost like it's like you could have had him played by a child or like by Eddie Deezin and the way he acts around Will Smith would not be that different. I'm just about the writing. Dan, I know you love Joel Edgerton. You thought his performance was amazing. I made one comment during the movie

that I thought Joel Edgerton was doing a good job. And the dance storm rained down on me. He's in bright like this, and he's completely different in the movie. It comes at night. What can this guy not do? Just don't tell me he's some kind of warrior. He's in the movie warrior. That's why I made that joke. I'm just explaining.

I will say Joel Edgerton is clearly acting through a very thick layer of makeup that makes him look like. I mean, the whole thing is also this is such a kind of alien nation ripoff. And then the makeup makes them look even more like the alien nation characters in a way with their blocky splot I would have loved if the orcs drank like sour milk or spoiled milk or some shit Yeah, that's how they got drunk and the alien that would be like but they there's literally no difference other than they all seem to fit Very well into football jerseys Now talk about a movie where like the world isn't really that different and their aliens like running around all over the place. But the thing in alienation is the aliens are a new arrival.

Yeah, they're not this is this that's positing. It's our world aliens have just shown up and they're just starting to assimilate into human life and humans are just getting used to them. So yeah, it's a similar thing. It's almost the same. I mean, one of the closest correlations is to the role playing game Shadow Run, which is set in like a cyberpunk future, but you have like, you know, you have all these fantasy races. And those are all because there was like a ritual that brought magic back to the world,

so it's all kind of a new thing that people have had. Enough time to kind of get over the newness of it, but it hasn't completely like, it hasn't completely taken over the culture. Whereas this is a movie where it posits that like elves bring along, I guess, like ugly suits and iPhones. Elves are super rich and hilariously overtail over tailored suits and they all drive sports cars and there's one scene where they drive through the elf part of town and it's like Future city and there's the worst computer effect I've ever seen which is literally just a nicely grasped Traffic Island with a gold fence around it and it looks like they hand drew it in like a Disney cart. And we've seen what is it? What's that fateful findings movie watch with the

Super Drone in Blowtorch? No, it looks like if you ever see a pass through. Yeah, if you ever see showgirls on like VH1 where they like rotoscope in like clothes like clothes like they put like bikini tops on the girls yeah it was like waking life some bikinis on them exactly I spent this morning watching a bunch of old silly symphony cartoons with my son he loved them and I felt there was more realism in those than this one shot of this bizarrely fakey looking traffic

island. And like, it's anyway. So we see that. But the introduction of the status of the different races is not unlike if we were watching like a teen movie and somebody was taking the new student through the school and was like, this click is the jocks there, the toughest, this click is the dumbos. Like in Bratz, when there's that great moment, where they're going through all the different clicks and one of them is kids that dress like dinosaurs. Yeah, dinosaur kids.

That was great. So anyway, let's do the plot super fast. There's a crazy guy with a sword who's just rambling nonsense. He gets arrested by Will Smith and Joel Edgerton and he says to Joel Edgerton in Orkish, there's a prophecy and this guy is a chosen one and you're going to be great or whatever, some nonsense.

He speaks in total mystic riddles, which does not prepare you for when that guy is being interrogated by the federal magic task force. And suddenly he is the most rational, like kind of dude, Lebowski type guy, just talking about how there's this group that's collecting magic wands to stop the dark one. Yeah, it's great. The Dark Lord back. The federal agent show up to interrogate him.

What is it, elf? He's pretty chill. And one is a big slob. And they ask him a couple questions and he's evasive. And then they basically explain the whole part of the movie to us, like, and to theoretically, a person they're interrogating for a crime. Yeah, that they're... And he was driven mad by reading the plot of Bright.

And that's why it was so crazy for her. There's a group of dark elves who are trying to bring back the dark lord. Now, the movie seems to be... No, I mean, not technically dry, but yeah, I know what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's a woman whose name is, I don't even remember,

but she's after another elf named Tika, who's on the run. Like Lila? Lila. Lila is the bad elf and Tika is the good elf. Tika's on the run with a magic wand, and if they can get their wands together, they can bring back the darks.

Kinda like the Nuky kids, right? Nuky and Miko? Yeah. Yeah, little bit, yeah. I just thought it was funny, their name was Tika, because Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I just thought it was funny. Their name was Tika, because that's like a food. Yeah.

Every time it was so hard for me not to think chicken, Tika, masala, every time. Just give her a different name. Or is this a universe where India doesn't exist because it was destroyed by magic or something? I mean, that would require a little more footwork. I think it's a lot easier. Just make sure I joke and say that all works play football instead of basketball because they can't jump high. Yeah, but they're very tough.

There's a moment where there's an orc wearing a football jersey that says fog teeth on the back or fog tooth. And I was like, I like that touch. So there must be like an orc football player whose name is something fog tooth. That's a Jersey this guy wears But then turns out there's a gang called the fog teeth or some garbage And so that's why there's a ton of works wearing jerseys that say fogtooth And it's like dude, you're like undoing your own world building like come on

What do gangs really wear jerseys with the name of their gang on the back? Is that like that's I don't know that's called a team you have an LA dude? Yeah, you should. According to this movie, the rainiest city. That's the other thing. As far as I know, all gangs go around on roller skates or they dress up like baseball players. Yeah.

Or they're the orphans. The gang nobody likes. I always keep trying to get me to come out and play. And I'm like, no. You like get those bottles off your fingers. Then we'll talk. Now, the things, here's what's the real fantasy aspect of this movie,

when it comes to LA, from my experience. It's always raining in the movie. And I've lived in LA for almost five months now and we've had, I think, an hour of rain in that time. Two, there's never any traffic on the streets. But also, what's realistic about this movie is it's constantly exploding and on fire. LA is always on fire. Apparently, as is my experience now, as there's constant flame ringing the city. But anyway, so Will Smith and Nick, they,

Joel, Jonathan, they respond to a call where there's a bunch of bodies that have been all burnt up and crazily destroyed. It turns out that's where the good elf escaped with her wand, but before they can figure out the story, they find the wand, they call for backup. The other police who are racist show up, and their plan is to tell Will Smith, kill the orc, will take the wand, and will use it to make all of our wildest dreams control. And Ike Barrett Hall goes, you want a million dollars, you got it. You want 10 million dollars, you got it. And I wished he could have just kept going, just multiplying that note.

You want a 10 million and one dollars, you got it. You want a 11 million and 47 dollars, you got it. You want 13 million, 500 thousand dollars and 14 cents and five euros, you got it. That's magic there, but magic wands can't be handled by just anybody. They make you explode. If unless you're a bright and a bright

is someone who can handle a magic wand. So it's like somebody with a lot of midoclorians or some other eugenics bullshit. Yeah, bright eclorians. You're some kind of eugenics thing that Ryan Johnson will write away. Thankfully. So, because I like that movie.

I like that Ryan Johnson Star Wars movie. Oh, so did I. Can you talk about that? Come at us. Internet. Come at us, I really like that movie a lot. I mean, I think the, the internet at large liked it. I think there is a focal minority who most likely thought bright ruled and is listening,

is hate listening to this episode. Yeah. They thought thought bright ruled and is listening is hate listening to this episode. They thought that bright ruled and last Jedi ruled and I respectfully would reverse that. Oh wow. And then last Jedi ruled and bright ruled. We're going right to final judgments on last Jedi rule. Did any did bright have a scene where a famous Jedi milked a kind of probably sentient creature that was just bombing around on the beach

and then guzzled that milk right in front of somebody to weird them away. So great, I love that moment. That's my favorite moment, I think of any movie all year. Here. But anyway, so. You're like, imagine you're watching all of the Florida project or something, you're like,

no, not realistic aliens. I don't think so. Imagine you like watching all of the Florida project or something like Watching mother and I'm like pretty close So these dirty cops are like kill that got killed at work to Will Smith kill the orc and we'll let you live and Long story short, Mule Smith ends up he he interrogates the his partner he says, why did you let the orc that shot me get away? Why'd you do it? You trust Ork's more than you trust your fellow policeman? I'm your partner and Nick, the orc says, hey, I lost the guy who shot you.

The orc that I found was a different orc. I could tell because he smelled different. But I let him get away because I knew the police who were showing up wouldn't believe me and they would have killed him because they would think he shot you. I saved that orc's life. It was the right thing to do. That's in the dirty cops. One of them we haven't even mentioned is played by Margaret Cho. Walk out and we'll and they're like times up and we'll Smith shoots the dirty cops rather than killed by them over the ones. Well, yeah, we didn't mention that like the dirty cops plan was not just to like get Will

Smith to kill Jacobi. Like there are also like once Will Smith left, they're like, we're going to kill Will Smith too. So as I said at the time, like they really jumped to like killing Will Smith early in that. I feel like their plan for everything has to be like to kill Will Smith. Well, I will say that Will Smith in this movie is at his least charismatic. He's such a jerk. So we should be shot to everybody.

Yes, basically. When you're Will Smith and your charisma to use a dungeon to dragons term is a million bazillion plus or whatever. Yeah. Wow. You're not using that. And you're not using that charisma

than like, what are you even doing here? He's like, dude, roll your intimidate, roll your influence. I don't even fucking remember. Do you need help? But anyway, Will Smith kills those dirty cops and he's like, we gotta go. They find the wand because the,

the elbow. Yeah, he triggers bullet time and he kills all four of the cops. It's amazing. And the elf girl who they've met now and who talks to Nick and Elvish because Nick says he took Elvish in high school,

explains that someone bad is coming. Her name's, and then... Do works have to go to a, like a segregated high school? It's not really talked about. I assume it's not segregated. It's not official segregation, but since so many schools draw from who lives in the area, it effectively is.

Okay. Because as is made clear in the movie, orcs are the repressed minority. So orcs equals, I guess, black people, which means black people. In the eyes of this movie are mythological monsters that can lift cars sometimes and have tusks. Anyway, so it's but that's again,

that's the problematic racial message we don't have to get into. Because we're going to talk about how Tika, the elf girl, uses the wand to blow up a car. She then does not do anything to help anybody in the movie for much of the running time. As her ability to use a wand to create explosions is not used to stop the gang of 60 to 70 Latino guys

who then chase them who want the wand because their leader who's in a wheelchair wants to use its magic to heal his legs, you know? Now, as I was saying, when we were watching District 9, which is a movie that is kind of like this, but better in every way, there's like a warlord who also is in a wheelchair and he wants the technology so he can be better, right?

They probably stole that idea from Bright. Okay, you're probably right. And it's another, also one of those movies where, and maybe this is true, I don't know enough about gangs, better, right? They probably stole that idea from Bright. Okay. You're probably right. And it's another, also one of those movies were, and maybe this is true. I don't know enough about gangs, but it's one of those movies where gangs have the highest military grade weaponry, like they're just firing automatic weapons and like, they're one step away from missile launchers. Remember, yeah, remember back in like last Boy Scout where like every bad guy has like

a MP5 or an oozee or something? Yeah. Like, where did they get all those? Yeah. we're like every bad guy has it like MP5 or an oozee or something like. Yeah, we're like, you know, those. Yeah, there's a scene later on where they go into some sort of strip club casino where they're just like. It's just a strip. A casino that feels like if you've ever been to like a mall in flushing queens that has like a Chinese dim sum food court and there's just booths everywhere, where you can get different types of food. That's what this seems to be like, but for vices,

there's like a drug booth, there's a gambling table, there's a strip booth, there's a sex booth, and they're all just kind of open to each other. It's like this open vise court that anyone's allowed into, I guess, because people just walk in with big guns in their hands. Yeah, maybe there's a booth for people who just really like carrying big guns around. hands. Yeah, maybe there's a booth for people who just really like

carrying big guns around. Now, this section of the movie where they just kind of wander from one heavily populated area to the next. First, there's a KC and they escape from that gang, but yeah, now they're walking between heavily populated areas. Yeah, they just keep going into like areas that have too many people, which on one hand, you'd be like, okay, they're, the bad guys won't

be able to do anything because they don't want to risk getting caught. But they show time and again that they don't care just firing machine guns. Yeah, that's right. And I was about to say, like when they walk into this casino, they're just like fucking blown the shit up there. Like they don't care about the the small business owners who run this. Exactly. They don't care about whether they small business owners who run this exactly. They don't care about whether they have insurance or not

or most likely not. And that's when Dan sat back and said, I'm just gonna sit here and wait for the police to come up and arrest these men, but that doesn't happen because who gets the drop on this street gang first? No. It's the three mean elves, which is the leader. The three men. It's like a terrible children's book.

Oh, they were at the credits. I guess it's the leader, Leila, and her two hench people. One is a bald guy and the other is a woman. They're like, they're super, they're all experts. It's a superfighters. They're like, if somebody scanned an Evan Essence CD and was like, make a person out of this. somebody scanned an Evan Essence CD and was like, make a person out of this. And they are maybe the most boring villains

I've seen in a movie in a long time. What are you talking about? They do all those flips. They just do lots of flips. They don't talk. They don't talk. They barely talk and they just kind of look at each other and there's a seat they like,

but they're, and they, they slip people's throats. They're kicking on their shootin' them, but their big weakness is, anytime a blunt object is thrown at their heads, this could be just a barrel, this could be a big jug of water, anything. Now, I will, I will interject that

Numi Repay splays the leader of these mean elves. Three mean elves. Three mean elves. And she, I mean, I think she does a fair amount with, basically nothing, like she has a fair amount with basically nothing. Like, she has no- She's given nothing. And she tries to do something and add some like, strangeness and otherness to this character.

So she's great. Oh yeah, I mean, this is all I'm gonna say. Well she's not flipping and kicking. When it comes to like any performer in this is doing their best. Like I couldn't, I, it's hard for me to think of any performer in this role. I was like, ooh, it's hard for me to think of any performer in this where I was like,

ooh, like they are, they have been given not the top qualityest material to work with, and they're all trying as hard as they can. And, you know, God bless them. You know what, dark one bless them, because they're, they're trying their best and they're doing their best. So we're trying to get this Netflix movie thing off the ground.

Mark Taylor and comes back. You know what, Bless their sweet hearts. They're just doing what they can with what God gave them. And by God, I mean, David Ayers and Max Landis. So they're on the run. A lot of this movie is them running from people, finding a place they think they might be safe, then someone comes along and attacks them. And it's constantly raining.

And they can't trust anybody because they don't know who's a dirty cop or not. Meanwhile, the federal agents, this kind of salmon twitch type duo, one is a sloppy big human and the other is a fancy elf dressed like Ray Tango from Tango and Cash. They're just kind of hovering around the edges following them and it's, you're waiting for the moment when these guys are going to play like a big part in the movie. Hey, guess what? They only exist to communicate the plot in that one scene. And otherwise, they just kinda...

Oh, they're doing some straight people at the end. That's true. And to pull it, to pull a, okay, good, we fixed it all up. Even though you blew up a bunch of buildings and killed a bunch of cops. Well, the heroes try to bring them into the main movie by calling them on a cell phone and Midway through the conversation the three mean elves use a fire axe to chop down a cell phone tower

Choppelwire and it sparks and the call cuts out we have to assume that in this fantasy world That's how cell phones work on a landline system. Yeah, they found the one tower of the services that... Yeah, it's the dark tower. Yeah, they use their fucking scrying magic. Yeah. What they... Here's how cell phones work in this universe. It's all magic.

And they found the wire that brings the magic from the magic plants over to the phone magic box. So they cut it, the phone magic box just stopped. Meanwhile, at the phone at the magic plant, you got these guys being like, oh, what happened while wires in the middle of the night always, all right, good. And the truck, let's go.

And the three mean I was like, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here. So we have a fight scene in a gas station convening store, which before you ask, no, it's not as good as the shootout in the beginning of the movie, Cobra. It's not even as good as the shootout in the movie, Loaded Weapon 1. That takes place in a similar setting.

When there's that row of cans with a guy's, with a lumberjack or whatever on him, and they got shot all in the crotch. So when the liquid comes out, it looks like the guy in the can is peeing it. That's a good bit, I like that. Yeah, Loaded Weapon 1 hit movie. It was the fail-in stick to this day. I remember like what was it like was it? Comedy the comedy channel or was it Ha that had short attention span theater?

I mean that was on Comedy Central so I don't know what it started on but I think in span theater was on I was I didn't get Comedy Central until after those two channels had merged. So, short-ended Spanthita was on at the same time, or unless you think of Two Drink Minimum, which was also on Comedy Central. Well, it was one of these. Are you think of Limbo Land? Small doses? I think it was one of these shows that they had probably-

Probably on the Comedy Channel. That was just a bunch of clips of other things. Well, that was short-ended Spanthita, yeah. and I just remember that over and over again, they would show a scene from load weapons. I just think I clipped from that. I remember when short attention to smithyder was premiering Comedy Central's movie about Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. And it was they made they advertised this shit out of it. And it was maybe four and a half minutes long. Like it was basically a comedy sketch, but they kept promoting it like comedy central's first movie We've got it right here, and I remember getting so excited about it

It was the itanya of its day. It was like so it was literally like for a four-minute movie Maybe someone had sent like had independently produced and they got a whole of it But they built it up like it was this big thing Anyway independently produced and they got a whole of it, but they built it up like it was this big thing. Anyway, uh, early days of cable when when no one had any idea what to put on television. I think that was when Mark Marin was still hosting short-end, Spantheader, but I'm not sure. Probably. Uh, anyway, let's ask him. He's on a podcast too, right? Yeah, let's, you know what? Or automatically colleagues. Let's, uh, I guess, let's leave this house and go down the street and podcast El Alvania, over to his house.

Go to the can't ranch. Yeah. Find out. We just have to answer his questions. Three. The answer guys are. What Lauren said to us. What did our dad's did for a living?

And then we can ask whether or not you and I have beef. Then we got to listen and play guitar for a while. Anyway, so yeah, everyone. Pioneering show. Yeah, sure. Yeah, it's worth showing that we've listened to a lot. Yeah, many times. Yeah, I mean, I've listened to you minutes 11 through the end of the show many times. Oh, let me listened to minutes 11 through the end of the show many times. Oh!

Let me listen to my killer! Oh, ow! Anyways, they're on the run from these mean elves. Let's talk about this dumb movie about elves and cops. And as they get picked up by an orc gang, and the orc gang is really mad, and they're especially mad at Nick Jackaby for turning against his fellow works and being a cop for the man. This is a tough scene for me to watch because the work gang leaders make up is so, so puffy.

He's got like this big, uh, what? He's like the Roberts Adar of works. He's got the biggest head with these two tiny little dust sticking out of it. I will say the skin makeup, not terrible in mostly works. The task makeup is the test prosthetics are not great. I would say I'm not gonna give, I'm not gonna throw much shade toward the skin makeup. I wish the like costume department did something,

like did something, I mean, I'm sure their direction was, they were trying to make it look realistic and they're like, what? Well, but that work gang does have like a shaman who wears a deer skull. At that point, I'm into it. Give me that.

Just hanging around. It's like, and it comes in and it's like, I thought we were all wearing it tonight. Guys, I'm going to love my jersey at home. So I had to wear this cloak with a deer skull on it. Anyway, he tell the gang leader tells his son shoot that orc, and the son says, I can't do it because I'm the orc, I'm the orc he let get away. He saved my life.

So the gang leader is like, oh, and you think this is. They're paraphrasing all that. That's a good thing. Yeah, but you think this is the, well, they're all saying orcish too. So I don't know. It's all like, oh, gosh, come on, gosh. This is a grim but what? Yeah, you think this is the moment where he's going to's like, we're gonna go on, we're gonna go on. This is the Asuka Nais Grimbad War. Yeah, you think this is the moment

where he's gonna be like, you did that? Maybe you do look out for your orcs, but instead the gang leaders like, go son, I'll do this myself then. He shoots Nick, and that's when Tika decides to get that one down, do a little something. I'm probably wondering, how you guys haven't mentioned Tikan a while?

Is she still in the movie? She's been in the movie the whole time, occasionally chirping like Lilloo from the fifth element. But significantly less of a presence. There's one scene where Will Smith and before the big fight at the drug store, the gas station, Will Smith and Nick and Georgeson are managing their wounds. And they have a conversation about,

they like really like figure out some of the beef between them and they break down some of them. They're doing a spend too much time looking at all the really cool graffiti written on the walls like orcs suck. And fuck off orcs. And but and during that scene, she's in that she's there in the room with them,

with them, Tika. She's given. The room where it happened. Nothing. Yeah, she's in the room where it happened, the room where it happened. That's where she wants to be. And then when because when Alexander Hamilton has Tika, she's in the room where it happened, the room where it happened. That's where she wants to be. Because when Alexander Hamilton has Tika, what do you, if you'd stand for nothing, Burr, what do you fall for? And she was like, I'm not Burr, I'm Tika,

but I want to be in the room where it happened. And then a band, you can really weird production of the show. Yeah. Brightleton. What's your name, man? Nick Jacobi? Really? Cause you're an orc. Shouldn't you have a name like Tharg Fane Tooth? Nope. Nick Jacobi. Oh no, they keep pronouncing it Jacobi. So which also maybe think of Jacobian Myers. So the only thing I'm thinking of Tika Masala and Jacobian Myers. Very hard to focus. Hungry. You want to sue someone? You don't know what's going on. You're hungry, you want to sue someone? You don't know what's going on. Alters around, all upside down.

Anyway, good thing there wasn't a character named Cars for Kids. There's a part where the internal affairs guys show up and they're the slimyest guys and they want Will Smith to wear a wire so that he can Trap Nick into admitting something and they should have just named them Salino and bars. Yeah, I mean we made the joke before but they should have been like lizard people or rat people or the two guys from hot fuzz. But anyway, so they're they're talking out their issues in the bathroom and this is one of the better scenes in the movie. I felt like this is one of the better scenes in the movie. I felt like this is one of the better,

like more heartfelt scenes. Tika is just creeping around in the corners pretending she doesn't know what a hand dryer does and kind of just like gazing at it in awe and like putting her hand kind of close to it but not close enough to turn it on. Yeah, I think she's like a feral child because like we're gonna believe that Elves are like

integrated into society. We haven't, that's the thing is like, we don't really know, we haven't, they haven't really established what Elves are like though the images we've seen would indicate that they're just like rich people. They're the 1% yeah. Maybe she's so rich that she's never been

in a public restroom before. And she's never seen a hand dryer. The same way that like, That would mean that that character would have like, that she's never been in a public restroom before and she's never seen a hand dryer. The same way that like- That would mean that that character would have like, like traits and not just be like a weird, weird light-fair old child. She- I think, I mean, that character would really have to poop.

I think that never been a bad thing. I mean, I mean, law of averages. Yeah. When you consider, like, how much food can a person eat, Elliot? I know how much nails eat, if not people, that's the thing. Maybe they just absorb dandelion pollen. So assuming that elf has been eating a certain amount of dandelion pollen and I'm assuming she's done some level of squats over the course of the day, that's going to get stuff

moving. Elves love squats. I mean, just to get up and down, dude. Sure, I know it's squatting. Just to shake it out, yeah. Here's something that, just in the way, you pronounce the word elf that makes me think, what if instead of elves being the 1% alfs?

The 1%. And there were always eaten cats. And instead, you have these very short furry puppets that are trying to bring back the dark Lord And they're like hey Willie will Smith that is Yeah, and in this version of LA the streets are riddled with what like holes in the grounds of the puppeteers but tears can probably, you know. That way, they're like damn alphs cutting up the streets, making it hard to drive, so they can walk around with their puppeteers.

Oh, I would love that. Okay, but what would be the orcs in that? What, like the, like, like, Sinclair from the dinosaurs show? Or what, like, yeah, and a Sinclair family from the dinosaurs show? And like, and the, and the, the cop is of course the grown up baby dinosaur. So he's like, you know what?

Ever since I was talking to not the mama, I've wanted to be a cop. Ever since I was the baby, got a love movie. I wanted to wear a badge. I guess that's just Theodore Rex. Here's the thing. I mean, this movie's Theodore Rex, right? Yeah, except without, Will Smith is in the Wuppie Goldberg role.

It's Joe Lederton's in the Theodore Rex role. Yeah, I mean, they're very similar. But is Theodore Rex the grown up baby from the Sinclair family? I mean, I think you could start tracing lines, Elliot. Yeah, let's get out of here. Has like yarn on the wall. Let's get out our work board.

Dan get all the red string we have. All right, I'll go down to Michael's, I guess. Don't go to Hobby Lobby. Pick it up from Michael. I want to see that scene in a movie. We're like the guy has to go to the craft store where it does. He's like, where's the pushman?

Do you have a job? Do you have a job? Do you have a project? No, just an evidence do it. No, I'm making skulls on them. Doing a project? No, just an evidence board. Oh, you want our evidence board section? He's putting together his evidence board and he's like, of course, the operation paper clip, Nazi scientist, Jenga, and then he's rolling the yarn

and he runs out and he's like, I gotta remember this connection, when I run to the store and get this yarn. So in his head, he's just like, Oswald, JFK assassination. Oswald, JFK assassination. She's repeating himself that, that himself, well, he drives over to Michaels,

gets the yarn, pays for it, comes back, and then you know when he comes back, he's gonna forget it. He walks in and his wife is like, honey, did you get that? And he's like, what? Oh, I forgot what my connection was. I feel like an evidence board like that

with Redstring where you're trying to draw the leads and you just can't make it work because you don't have enough like the thread runs out. Sounds like a puzzle you would find in like a video game where you're like, well, I made the connections wrong. I gotta go back to the start. So let's miss basically. Yeah.

I guess I flipped the wrong switch somewhere along the lines of this pneumatic tube. Guess I'll just keep flipping switches. Who built this island? I guess we flipped the wrong switch somewhere along the lines of this pneumatic tube. Guess I'll just keep flipping switches. Who built this island? I guess we'll never know. Is it leisure suit Larry? He's busy in the land of the lounge lizards. Okay, so, right.

Nick gets shot by the Orc gang leader and Lila uses her wand to bring him back. Sorry, Tika. I apologize. You've got which stupid name you were talking about. Yes, thank you. Tika uses her wand. Dan wants to apologize to any of our listeners who might be named Tika. We're leaving.

Yeah, and any elves or orcs who might be listening. Sure. Tharg, Clarg, if you're listening, I apologize. She uses her wand to bring him back to life and the other orcs are like, what and the orc shaman with the deer skull? Up to this point has said very little, says, oh, he is risen.

This is the prophecy or some nonsense. And everyone bows down and they let Will Smith and Tika and Nick go. And- I do love what you're saying before. I don't wanna like totally like gloss pass it too fast the fact that It was totally immaterial that he saved that You're like oh this is gonna be the plaque and tryvance to get them out

It's like no the plaque and tryvance to get some out is she has a magic wand Make it with someone undead and then what you're like Why do they care if they get shot at this point? Yeah She has a magic wand. And you can make it with someone undead. And then what you're like, why do they care if they get shot at this point? Can't she just met and also there's a fight later on where Lila hitshoots her magic wand at Will Smith and knocks him against a wall. And it's like, couldn't that magic wand

blow up a car earlier? Shouldn't Will Smith be deadified right now? Except perhaps there's more to Will Smith than meets the eye. He's not a transformer. Okay, because he got me excited. Or even a trans-morpher, but we'll get there. So let's cut to the chase.

The mean elves catch up with the good guy elf and the other ones. They've managed to make it to the mean elves hide out, which is a pool and like in a basement that glows and there's a tree growing out of it. I'm not quite sure why they had to go there. Well, it's and it's at the original crime scene. Like didn't they investigate the fucking property that they were at about like healing Tika. Tika is sick at this point. So they got a doctor in the fucking glowing resurrected this guy. It's unclear. But they have to yeah, they have to differ in the They got a dunker in the magic pool. They got to put in the back to tank. Yeah.

Yeah. So what Lila tracks them down, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. Will Smith gets his whole hands on the wand in order to save the day. Lila and Tika have a moment where suddenly we're supposed to give a shit that they're sisters and one of them has betrayed the other and it's like, I don't care. Not since the show's sisters have I cared so little about a sisterhood right now. But I would, if they talked about their traveling pants right now, I'd be like, this is a more interesting

sisterhood than the one I'm watching. I wish there was some kind of divine yaya sisterhood involved in this because that would be a more interesting sisterhood than these two magic elves trying to bring a dark lord back to the regular yaya sisterhood it doesn't even have to be divine get me because to air is human but to yaya is divine they're fighting and will Smith is like Nick shoot her in the head and his gun is at a bullets and he says he grabs the wand thinking if I touch it I'll explode and I'll kill everybody here and that'll stop the bad guys.

But no, when he touches the wand, he's so bright. He's got magic powers. Oh, he's the one that the prophecy was about. Yeah, he's all prophesied. Because of course the prophecy is gonna be about the big star hero of the movie. Who could have seen that one coming? Just like how in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy,

how are we gonna know that the mole which are not the biggest star in the movie? Conver picked up a magic wand and everybody's like, holy shit, Gary Oldman's dying. Tinker Tailor wizard spy, but that was one of the, what, like, if- You've been complaining about this for years since the movie came out.

Because it is forecasting. What's like, hmm, who's the mole gonna be? Is it gonna be the big star? I think I was Toby Jones. I was reading, I was giving my vows and my wedding in LA. Jumped out and told him to jack about this. Yeah, I am jacked for the casting

and take your tail to soldier's side. This is otherwise a very good movie, except for the one scene where Benedict Comberbatch's boyfriend breaks up with him and he makes a sad face that is hilarious. Oh wow, he's great at doing New York accents, he's great at doing sad faces. What can't Benedict Cumberbatch do? So Will Smith saves the day and blows up the evil, the mean elf. And it was at this point where I was like, it can't be that easy, certainly the dark lord is gonna come up to your feet. Do you think he's that shirt-n-ly-cat? She's shirt-n-ly-de-head.

You know. Because I'm wearing a shirt. That's to tip off the audience that I'm wearing a shirt. You know how like, I'm sorry, this whole time. Like, Carol Burnett would pull on her earlobe to talk to her grandma. That was my way of incoad making sure they knew

I was shirt-n was sure did right now. But the dark lord doesn't get doesn't get woken up because I guess that's going to be saved for bright three the bright night. I kept it like yeah when there's all this talking of the dark lord I kept expecting it to get a lot closer to the dark lord actually coming. Yeah. Like when you say coming here for the fact that the wand always looks like it's dripping jizz. Yeah, glowing jizz. No, but it's yours not. Wait, that's kind of redundant. You're just glows, right? No.

Or is this because of that time an alien space you picked me up? The secret of the ooze. When you flew with the navigator. No, I'm surprised. I've never heard a joke before about teenage mutant interturtles to the secret of the use that the secret is their teenagers. That's why that ooze is all over the place.

Gross. His linter's like, what is this ooze that's everywhere? It's like shh, Michael Manchela. Don't tell him the secret of the ooze. Because they found that one bikini picture of April on her Instagram feed. Yeah, there's a shower. Master's Blaineer's like, what's that noise Yeah, there's a shower master's players like,

what's that noise in there? And Michelangelo's like, is playing with my nun jugs dude? And then master's man looks over in the nun jugs. He's sitting on the ground. I just wrote an Injiterral's movie. Give me some money. I don't know about a whole movie.

It's a whole, that's like three scenes. But Dan, you were saying secret of the use what? No, I just like it seems like I know how you hate movies that end with a glowing porthole to portal to something. Needed a glowing porthole to something. Yeah. The like this, I've like it or at the very least something that makes me feel like this door dark Lord, I just say door,

Lord this dark Lord is like a real threat, and not just, for all we know, this is just a bunch of crazy elves running around telling people from glowy, glow sticks. And it's, I mean, the obvious thing I would say is, not to fucking backseat drive this dumb movie, but like, you could easily, I mean, I think the movie would have been better had like the ending taking place in,

I don't know, like the fancy elf land, if only so we got a little bit of variety and what we're looking at. And just to show that like, oh, like, yeah, this is a level corruption at a higher level, they don't understand it, et cetera, et cetera, whatever. Yeah, but long story short,

they blow up the bad guys and the place. Nick gets out, but Will Smith is still trapped inside and Nick runs back into the fire to see. And all the cops are like, okay, I guess he can just let him run back into a burning building for himself. Like one less, one less work, I guess. And but then we see a wide shot of the house on fire that just sits there for a while. And then in the distance through the doorway, we see these figures stagger out, and it was like, wait a minute,

this is the scene where the orc is risking his life to save his partner. And it's being treated like it was a fucking, where's Waldo? Like, you're supposed to pick it out among all the details and find the wizard and the scroll and the dog. It felt like it was an Easter egg that the filmmaker's snuck in there.

Yeah. There's... Sorry, LA, it's recapping while checking us found. No, sorry, no, sorry. My wife texted me something. So, anyway, they're in the hospital. The federal magic people asked them what happened, and Will Smith makes up a story saying there was no wand

and no magic. In exchange for covering up what happened. They are seen as heroes. They get medals. The dead dirty cops are remembered as heroes and he and this orc cop has made the grades like a like confidential. Oh, and he and we find out what being blooded means in that the orc gang shows up at this emergency crime scene.

And they said I knew where all the action was. And the federal magic task force just let some walk up and the gang leader cuts his hand to let it bleed and they all raise their hands to him as a sign that of respect and that's, he's so now he's blood and he's a full orc man. That's his orc mitzvah. Or blood mitzvah.

I think blood mitzvah is better. Yeah. Yeah. Bright. Yeah. So I think that basically sums up the movie. I think there's a bit at the end. It's not in the movie.

I remember reading somewhere that a bunch of the makeup effects artists, like one of the teams got left out of the credits entirely. And if that's true, if that's true, that totally sucks. Yeah. Yeah, it does. Because this is a movie where like I totally love special effects and make it perfect. And a ton of that stuff went into this movie. I'm just disappointed that I didn't like the movie more. Hey, that's a good transition to final judgment. Final judgments. Whether this is a good transition to final judgments on movies.

Whether this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie we kind of liked. What do you have to say, do you work? I think this is a bad bad movie. I'm mad that I had to watch it. It's, yeah, I mean, there's just so much stuff to it and it feels like, it feels like somebody came up with a lazy idea and they cherry-picked basically only the like, maguffin elements

of a fantasy story. They just want to tell like a shitty cop story and then they're like, oh, well, I can just resolve this whole story through magic because it's a fancy story. So yeah, it's not good. Don't watch it. Don't support this. Don't watch bright too. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just going to say it's a bad, bad movie. It's not. I mean, I've seen more boring movies for the flop house. I will say that like But it's not like it's entertaining. I mean with things I don't see guys. I think I might say it's a good bad movie. Oh wow. That is is very dumb and There's a lot I would say it's a good bad movie for the science fiction and fantasy-minded

people who like to complain about things because there's a lot to unravel in the kind of very lackluster world building and that the story doesn't really hang together and that kind of stuff. There's no world building. But for your average person who wants to watch a movie, I would say don't watch it. If you want to see a centaur cop, I guess go on to Mr. Skin and see what the time codes are going. That's the center. That shows up. Could be he's not wearing pants. He's a horse. A better or worse than the last David Ayer will Smith film suicide squad.

I would say I like this more than suicide squad. If only because suicide squad, this movie only started once and introduced the characters once where a suicide squad spent roughly an hour reintroducing the characters to us over and over again. Yeah. There's fewer on the nose musical cues in this too. Yes. Although I think there were a couple performances

in suicide squad that I liked more than the performances in this. Oh, certainly. Uh, okay. Mainly that Jared Leto. Why isn't he always the Joker, you know? And suicide squad did have the great moment. This movie has moments like,

suicide squad's great moment where a crocodile man is working with a SWAT team and they have to go through flooded tunnels underwater to plant a bomb. And the crocodile man says, I'll bring it in, they go, no, no, no, let us do it. And it's like, why'd you bring a crocodile man with you? If you're gonna let him do the swimming part. Yeah, that's a movie where they need to do close the portal by throwing a bomb into it

And they're like well, there's a bad guy whose only power is throwing things Give it to the crocodile man Bad resource management. That's the real problem. The suicide squad. Yeah That's the real problem with Suicide Squad. Yeah! I'm Riley Smirl. I'm Sydney McAvoy, and I'm Taylor Smirl. And together, we host a podcast called Still Buffering, where we answer questions like, Why should I not follow Sleep first at a slumber party?

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And you can find us at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts. But we've got a few sponsors. That's what they're called. My brain didn't get the word for a second there. That's okay, it's late, we watched Bright. Classic Dan, anyway. The boss supported in part. Laughing and I assume a memory of something

he saw as a child that was funny. Laughing and how dismissive I am right before I'm about to read the sponsors. People have paid the sponsors. Here's this junk. No, no, no. I thought it was like a remembrance of things past type moment. Suddenly, years of memories came flooding back.

You looked at them. Bill Murray's costume in Quick Change was pretty funny. It was pretty funny. Anyway. Interesting one to pull from the either. Dan, what's those our first sponsor tonight? Our first sponsor, Floppyos is supported in part by Casper, a sleep brand that continues to revolutionize its line

of products to create an exceptionally comfortable sleep experience. It is except comforted wool, or whatever it is you said. I can feel that work. Oh my God. Way through. And how many days in this silver January are you? That's right.

I'm not as expecting a slightly more, oh man. I'm not drinking for January and it appears to be a pairing. I think you slur more when you don't drink. Yeah. Uh, exceptionally comfortable sleep experience one night at a time. Casper offers affordable prices because they cut out the middle man and sell directly

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Would you say your sleep is better than it was before you cast-perized? Think back to your life before you slept on a Casper mattress. Let's call this a show. Was I ever so young, Stuart? Let's call this question the enigma of Casper sleeper. Damn, is it better now that you're asleep? Now, was that, that was an enigma of Casper house or joke? Yes, it was.

I'm trying to be too mainstream. This is right in and tell me whether you understood what Ellie was. You're a reference. Okay, Dan. So you cast for mattress. You love it. Oh, I love it. It's great. I sleep. I won't look. I don't sleep well. I've got sleep apnea, but if I was not medically inclined to sleep, I'm a crap, am I right? Because he booms himself. You know, girlfriend. Not the mattress is fault.

Archie, your cat, he likes the mattress too. He loves it. He sleeps on it all the time. That's all the cats do is sleep. So this is a Casper mattress that functions for multiple species, human and cat. Orcs love it, Elves love it. It's a great mattress.

And you can get a discount. You can get $50 toward any mattress purchase by visiting Casper.com slash Flop House, and using the promo code Flop House, all one word at checkout, terms and conditions apply. And we also have a second sponsor, which is our good friends at square space What are you laughing about? Thanks for looking about that quick change

Clown just like robbing a bank. Oh man Gina Davis was there To put him in jail she plays a cop right Jason robots was a cop in that Yeah, I know they look exactly like we're you're thinking of earth girls are easy when Jason robots is best friends with Julie Brown When Jason robots has sex with Jeff Goldblum. Yeah, exactly. I mean the fly where Jason robots also rate rowbirds Also from ebberton robots also has sex with Jeff Goldblum I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person.

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I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. I'm a good person. get started with Squarespace, create a beautiful website to do any number of things, like showcasing your work, logging or publishing content, or selling projects and services.

I mean, isn't the product a project in a way? Projects and services of all kinds. Seribus? Yeah. Of Dave's service doing it, I guess. Look, how does Squarespace do this? By giving you, I feel like Dave Sims service website as a thing where it's like,

are you a woman clicky? Yes, certainly. When you click yes, this is go away. He's a terrible man. Squarespace does this by- Everyone's a story. When I was in, sorry, at least I was in college. When I was in freshman and NYU at least I was in college,

when I was a freshman in NYU, Evan Dorkin, one of my all-time heroes, came to talk at the NYU Science Fiction Club, and he ended up talking for hours, because he's a very talkative guy. And at one point, someone asked him, do you think Dave Sims really gonna make it to 300 issues of service?

And he's like, oh yeah, yeah, but that's all he has to live for. I can see him, he just finishes the last issue and mails it off to the printing press and then walks him the street to get hit by a bus. And that did not happen. Dave Simp continued to live to this day, but it was one of many times,

I feel like so much of what Evan Dorken said during that talk is burned into my brain. And that's what it was. Now Dan, let's speak of Squarespace. Sure. I have a Squarespace product project that I was wondering if Squarespace might be able to help with. It's a web project.

Do you think they'd be able to help me? Now, can I tell you about it? Sure, please do. It's a website and it's called brightworld.com. Okay. Have you ever wondered how your town might be different in the fantasy world of bright? Yeah, I don't live in Los Angeles.

Let's what would my world be like. Well, imagine your usual walk to the subway in New York, and when you get there, there's an orc. Okay. Standing there. Do I? Do I? Working in the token booth.

Okay. Because that's right, in this crazy fantasy world, New York still operates on subway tokens. Now, Metro cards are not magic enough. Now instead of riding on a subway train, do I ride in a shy hallude? No, it's a subway tokens. Now, Metro cards are not magic enough. Now, instead of writing on a subway train, do I write in a shy hallude? No, it's a subway train. Okay.

But next to you, is there an elf? No, there isn't. They use taxi cabs. Oh, wow. If they're so rich, but guess what's next to you? Okay. What's next to me? A centaur?

And orc. That was just a work attack me or anything? No, he's also going to work. Okay. And guess what he's wearing. Guess what this crazy orc is wearing in this crazy fan? Yeah, this isn't a fucking Dawson venture. Let's be wearing a football jersey. Oh, can you believe it? Okay, so you get off the subway. So what's the content? Is this website just you asking questions? No, it's like a text-based adventure. No, it's very visual. We take pictures that use submit of your city

and we manipulate them to create the bright world version of your world. Does that mean we just kind of insert the same picture of an orc into your picture? Yes, maybe. Still, simple thing. I feel like Gary Visual is the kind of compliment you would see on the box for the DVD of Bright. I feel like it is the kind of compliment you would see on the box for the DVD of Bright.

I feel like it's the kind of compliment that a mother would give to her child's, like, homemade comic book that she doesn't understand. Oh, it's very visual. Yeah. So anyway, BrightWorld.edu, let's say it's educating you about how you're world to be different the world of Bright. Yeah. Dan, let's say you lived in, like how easy comics used to be called educational. Dan, let's say you lived in... It's like how easy-comic used to be called educational. Exactly. Let's say you lived in St. Louis, Missouri. This is a normal American city in the 21st century. How would it be different if there were fantasy creatures?

Let's say you go to the St. Louis arch. Guess what you see there? I want to go out on a limb here and say an orc. I guess you got it. Well, Well, maybe let's go you go to Washington DC and guess Guess who you see clean in the floors in Congress. Is it is it an orc? You know it That's right world.edu. So Dan, how do I get square space on top of this? I want this to look the same I want this to scale for both mobile platforms and my laptops and desktop screens. Can they do that? Yes. What about tech support? I want tech support. You've got 24-7 award-winning customer support. Yes, you've got that.

You've got other things like built-in search engines, engine optimization and analytics. You've got powerful e-commerce functionality and beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers that you can use to make your stupid website. I'm talking to Ali, I'm not talking to you the listener. Yeah, I'm the editorializing somewhat. That's the Squarespace.com. For free trial. I guess someone doesn't want to know what his apartment would look like in bright worlds. Guess who your roommate is. What?

Who wants to stand? Yes. Is it an orc? You know it. Head to Squarespace.com. Dan, do you have a coworker? Or a coworker. You have a coworker.

Even an orc is a coworker. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use the offer code flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. What if I have a failure to launch? Well, then you're Matthew McComay. What a failure to launch took place in bright world. I think it would go a little something, I like this.

All right, all right, all right, I'm in Ork. That's Matthew McCorkany. Yeah. Matthew Orkany, Orkany, yeah Matthew McCorkany. Matthew Orconi. Yeah. Orconi. I think I think at this point in the night, LA is showing off how living in LA is affected as a schedule. What's a combo tron? Oh, we got Jo Jo Jo jumbo trons. LA, do you have one or is it just me? No, I have one. Should I go first? Or would you like to go first? I mean, I started talking to you, so why don't you start going? I'll do it. Who is this message for?

This is a message for DM-RAB. And is this message comes from Kade Blanchett? Ocker, or Oker? I apologize if I mispronounced it. Mirin and Gerald. And they say Gail and Helmet Traveler, thanks for the unbelievable amount of work and great storytelling you've given us once a week for over the past two years. Looking forward to more great sessions of Elk catapults, the crab uncle, and bimmies. You're the best DM a mouse boy, grumpy bird, half work, and a nasty egg loving dragonborn could ask for. Love you, bun. This already sounds like a more fleshed out well thought out

world than bright. Like, I want to see a movie set in this world. Good work, DM,rab. Like, I want to see a movie set in this world. Good work, DM, Rob. Stewart, do you have a message? This message is for Anna. The message is from Chris. Hey, but much. I love you so much. And I'm glad you're finally listening to podcasts with your help. I might finally learn to tell the difference between Dan and Stewart's voices. It's pretty simple. Generally based on content. I was not into it with the voice. Elliot, could you please sing another letter song just for Anna? They're her favorite.

I'm being sincere. She started listening because of Elliot's singing abilities. I guess we're receiving jumbo trance from insane people. No, the longer one on the less sincere it sounded. Well, that's a lovely little message. Yeah, it is lovely message. That is lovely. That is lovely. Hey, Dan, is it time for the segment that involves me singing before? No, let me first quickly. We gotta do some plugs, right? Do we have plugs?

Yeah. Well, first let me quickly. Let's do some plugs and plugs. Mike Plug that is. While we're talking about things that are lovely, I just wanna thank a bunch of people who have said us gifts. This won't take long.

I wanna say, we unwrap them before the episode, despite Dan's fervent belief that we should do all the unwrapping on air. He was like, you'll be great, Raydie. Yes. How about this? Which way we should do it? Yeah.

Anyway, thanks to Steve Sacco for the posters, Billy Whitehouse for the books. John, John Carlo Delasandro for the comic scene, Melch and Honey. Oh, awesome. Yeah. John Hendrix for the DVD of Bulletproof. Uh, thanks to Candace for the Flop House scene. There's a scene that is-

Is that the original Peach Flop House activity? Zene, one. Yeah, it's- It's still to medium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is, um, indeed, a zene about about us, the flop house, and I will tell listeners that interested floppers can find the zine and perhaps future volumes for purchase at her website smutpunks.com with just now your home page with all the proceeds going to the ACLU.

That's oh cool. Smut spelled like smut punks spelled P-U-N-X.com. I mean I guess that from your pronunciation. How did I? All right. Anyway, so if you want to support the ACLU and get a little pizza zine, then you can do that. I do. Thanks to Kalim Kristen for the Christmas card. For to Sean for the Cryptkeeper T-shirt. Oh, man, that Cryptkeeper T-shirt's awesome. And that's from Sean in that great band, Mega Colossus, who I met at the Blank Cat show. Yes.

And lastly, but not leastly, to Emily Stewart, thanks for the DVDs and for the toys for Archie. Oh yeah, the dragon wars, de war, exclusive DVD set that comes with an exclusive medallion that they claim is now own piece of dragon wars. So you'll be aware of that. So I'm going to have a dragon kill me. Or maybe I'll control the dragon. I don't remember the moaning of the piece of Dragon Wars. Finally come to fruition. I assume when somebody would ask me if I wanted to own a piece of Dragon Wars, it would be like a shard of a DVD, but no, no, no.

We're talking to an actual replica of medallion. The thing is medallion. We have a little pitch to do, obviously. We always like to promote our podcast network maximum fun and You know in a month or two we're gonna be doing the the maximum max fund drive and we're gonna have some bonus content on there One of the bonus episodes I'd like to plug right now. I think Dan's gonna do the majority of the talking on this one It's a little project we're calling dangerous liaison the talking on this one. It's a little project we're calling Dangerous Liaisons.

Now, when do we come up to this last night? This was last night something that we conceived of and I think as a real future. Dangerous Liaisons is a podcast in which Dan regales us with true life story autobiographical erotic yarns from his checkered career as a something of a Casanova and Stuart and I interrogate him were interlocutors who bring out the best bring out the helmets and also Question him on some of the points that seem a little confusing or so. Yeah, the money points now Adult only dangerously a zons only only for mature adults who interested in the mature adult escapades of one damn cool. Or like kids who want to learn something.

Yeah. And it's loosely, but it was inspired by a conversation Dan had with my brother about a particular scenario that took place, which my brother was very impressed by. Well, it's not getting into this. Like I think I walked up to David Lasting withheld and lay its brother. And his hair was standing on end. And like, I think his face was flushed.

He was so excited. So I guess dangerously, Aeson's look forward on iTunes. I didn't agree to. It might be. The bonus episode might be an audio version. Or Dan keeps pushing that we do a video version where it's told

with the camera just on Dan's face. Yeah, like a spald in gray. Yeah, so you can look you right in the eyes. All right, this is not, yeah. I know you don't want to, you don't want to build it up too much Dan, but I'm pretty proud of this venture. I'd like to plug a real thing, which is to remind everyone about the Flop House comics that we have. We had our second group of comics on the theme of Love.

There's still available on the Flop House podcast website, and all proceeds go to Hurricane Relief through the Unitos Hurricane Relief Fund for Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico is still in trouble. All these many weeks after they were hit by Hurricane. It's ridiculous. And we still got to help them. So please donate if you can and you'll enjoy some new comics by us. I'm really proud of this stuff we put out. Yeah, we put out some really good stories this time.

First time, oh boy. No, this time really good. But now it's time. Did I miss anything Dan? No, you didn't miss anything. Okay. Should I plug any of our live shows that we haven't scheduled? We can tease we can tease that in the summer

We will have a live show in New York City when Elliot comes back to visit Those that will keep the date under wraps for now because tickets are not on sale. Don't make any plans. You're all so much. Don't make plans. Don't make plans to come to New York for your plans. I know you were planning on going to either summer camp or summer vacation or ski school. Don't do it.

Just stay at home waiting to find out when that show is going to be. Man, I wish I could just go to fucking ski school. We all want to go to ski school at Stewart. But hey, Dan, I think it's that time of the show where we talk about the letters people sent us and we'll go to the mailbox and ask ourselves a question and that question goes like this, Hey, what would it be like to get a letter in bright world, a letter from an orc, or a letter from an elf, a letter from a centaur, to yourself,

it's a letter written to you from your fantasy friends in bright world, dear you, the listener, hey, how's it going with you? I hope you're having a great time doing the things that you normally do in a city that looks just like the city you live in right now, except there's an orc on the corner and once in a wide establishing shot there's a dragon in the sky. But has it changed the way that the city functions? No! Does it change the places you go? Does it change the things that you show every day All right, so I'll put down my phone because I was looking at during that song

and here we go. Stuart, what are you laughing at on your phone? Uh, you know, memes, sure, dank memes, anyway. Should I not sing my in the heights in the bright parody? No, I think we're, I think we're in the bright. We've got orcs and elves and stuff in the bright. We figure that that's enough. Real lineman, well Miranda fest today. I guess it is. Well, I mean, I don't know any of the music from the bringing on. It's all I can do. You're doing

the room where it happened bit.. Yeah, yeah, I remember. All right. So this letter is from Mark Glass, saying with that. Dan, you tell me another recent Broadway show that has national appeal. Name it. Do you have an Hanson?

Do you have an Hanson? What's your show about? I'm not interested enough to go see it. Love Elliott. Wow. Elliott to Broadway. Drop it. Drop dead. Gorgeous would be a great movie to do a musical.

Fred and Gorgeous. I love how both of you went in a different direction. Phoebe Kate's triumphant debut on the Great White Way and drop dead Fred, the musical. Starring Kevin Klein is Fred. Oh, that would be great. That would bring them closer together. Mm-hmm. This is from Mark last name withheld. Okay.

Mark O'Bell-Traumy. Oh, that's a big. That's to be. Hey floppers, I live in a town where a lot of movies are films. Moab, Utah. There's often casting calls for movie extras, so it's not uncommon for locals to get on-screen. I was at a work luncheon with my partner, and the venue had a

movie museum and the basement to pay homage to all the films shot here. While we were looking at my partner's co-workers, while we were looking, my partner's co-workers husband mentioned that he was in a movie and naturally asked him which one. He proceeded to ask if we'd heard a little film called the Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure. Having never seen the movie, I didn't even realize it was shot in my town. Naturally I went home and watched it and sure enough he's one of the tourists that go on the first tour. Unfortunately he isn't the head banger with a long hair. Is he the Japanese tourist who can't get over the site of female breasts?

Wow, you remember the movie very well. Not only was he in the movie, but the center that they run tours out of his, his, his hostel, Lazy Lizard hostel. That's a real place. Apparently, as a very quiet older gentleman, I just thought it was part of the world building of the great beginning of Road Adventure. As a very quiet older gentleman, this blew me away. Have you ever had it?

Is the writer of the quiet older gentleman? Yeah, the owner. Right in, Mark, and tell us, Dan, the owner is a, okay, don't write in, Mark. Have you ever had an experience that made you realize that a quiet slash unsuspecting acquaintance unsuspecting? I don't know if he means that. Made you realize that a quiet line in the room and you can mail it back to him with a grade. A quaint is. See me after class. May have lived a very different life before the time you met them. I know this is small, but it really caught me by surprise.

Thanks, Mark. I just wanted to point out that there's a book called Where God Put The West, moviemaking and the Desert That's all about the Western movies that were shot in Moab. Do they talk about great bikini off road adventure? They don't. Oh, I have two of them. So this is like people we've known are required

and unassuming and they had like a kind of crazy story behind them. Yes. I recently found out that on a show I worked on that two of my co-workers not found, they found out that they had both been kidnapped as children. So that was something I didn't suspect at all. But also there was this guy used to know. They found out that.

I mean in conversation, they were like, you were kidnapped kid, that was a child, that was a kid. That's all okay. No, it's not like a psychologist came by and did hypnosis therapy for everybody as an office prank at the party. But there was, there was a guy worked with once, like, you know, like, I thought he was just, I thought he was just this like kind of older guy

who just kind of lived in a cabin and chopped wood. And then one day, this military guy came up to find him and was like, we need you back. And he was like, how did you find me? And they were like, come on John Rambo. And he was like, I've heard him heard that name in a long time. And I was like, I thought this was just my neighbor

who liked to chop wood and stack it next to his cabin. Alternately, I had another neighbor who was like, he lived out in the desert and he just wore a brown cloak and would practice his crate dragon calls. And then Luke Skywalker was like, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he was like, that's the name I haven't heard in a long time. And I was like, no, that's just old Ben, the guy I know

turns out a lot of people turn have amazing stories. Okay. Executive producer by Steven Spielberg. Yeah. I mean, I met a lot of, I I met a lot of weird dudes at the bar. Just weird people in general. But I think it was back when I was working for the hobby store. I had a coworker who I knew that he had spent some time

in the army. But as I talked to him more and more, I started finding out all these stories about him like, you know, like having a guy break into his home and he almost killed the guy with his hands and then like getting in a bar fight and then having the earlier thing get brought up in court against him and him having to register with the city of Baltimore as being a, as like a potential weapon, like a living weapon type thing. So that was pretty cool. Wow. Living weapon. So the guest has been going to your ball. Yeah. His name's Dan Stevens. Dan, you're kind of quite an assuming guy. What exciting thing do you have in your,

your background? Don't want to talk about it. You have to, I do listen of quite an assuming guy. What exciting thing do you have in your your background? I don't want to talk about uh, you have to listen to dangerous liaisons. So yeah, I don't, I can't really, the closest thing I can think of is my dad once told a story where he said that he was watching the movie on the beach, which is a movie about he was watching the movie on the beach, which is a movie about nuclear apocalypse, basically. I mean, like survivors in Australia. The last humans alive in Australia as the radioactive cloud enshrouds the earth. And it's just kind of in many ways

marking the time until the cloud reaches them. Right. And so he saw this depressing movie about war annihilating the world. And he said that he like walked out wearing military uniform and all the people around him were giving him side eye because of this war movie that like they destroyed the world. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up military uniform. Like I had never known that my dad had served in any way at all.

And this is like, this is less a story, I guess, about a quiet, unassuming person and surprise and more story about how little we talk in my family. Now, like, your dad was like, why did you think I had to register as a living weapon? Yeah, it holds a raise to his two liquid metal blade. So, I'm here to kill you son. They came from the future.

Wait, you're my dad. Yeah, well, I came back to have you and then I, and then kill you. Sky net. It's complicated. So your dad served in the military. I didn't know that. I believe the Air Force, although I don't think he ever flew really. I don't know what the story is by that.

Sure wasn't the hair for it. Type lift, which would be a bug's money cartoon. Yeah. He is a quiet, unassuming gentleman. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Dad, for your service for us. Someday a military guy's gonna show up at your parents' house, and he's gonna be like, I thought I'd put that all behind me.

Yeah. And you're gonna get wrapped up in it somehow. It'll make you guys closer. Yeah. So this next letter is from Alex last name with held. Mm-hmm. Mac and secret world. Alex math and she writes. I'm a Smith. Oh, uh,

like Alex Mac. Hello, what's in the world of? Hello, Flopperinos. As connoisseurs of the greatest media format since those little binoculars that you put money into and watch a naughty story in. May have some astachioed scoundrel spying on a naked lady? I wonder whether you had a similar experience to me. When I was about a young lass,

I used to rifle through my father's substantial collection of VHS tapes and admire the various covers, wondering what the films were actually like. The one cover that used to fascinate me more than any other was the VHS box for Ridley Scott's Blade Runner. I was really into that artwork. When I eventually watched the film, I was pleased to find that the cover actually lived up to my expectations. Did you ever have a similar experience, were you ever fascinated with the VHS cover and

did the film turn out to be everything you ever wanted it to be? Keep on flopping. Out's last name withheld. PS, Stu, you're my favorite because you're the bad boy of podcasts. Yeah, tell that to my dad. Yeah, so there's a couple of VHS tapes, covers that I remember from my video store. One of them, I actually haven't seen and the other I've seen and they totally rules. So I've seen black roses.

I remember seeing the VHS tape case and it had one of those like puffy cases where it had like a raised surface. And it's just, yeah, but it, no, but like the surface is also like pushed out from like it had some kind of like oh I see it's like embossed or something. Yeah, and so it had like these, you know, a bunch of it had a bunch of roses and evil eyes and like a hand holding onto a guitar. And it's a super awesome rock and roll horror movie with a very catchy soundtrack.

some rock and roll horror movie with a very catchy soundtrack. And the other one that I've seen the cover, but I've actually don't think I've ever seen the movie as what is it in the company of wolves, where the guy is changing into a werewolf or something, and there's like a red riding hood stand in in the background, but the man's changing into a werewolf, and he's like opening his mouth, and there's like a wolf snout coming out of his mouth.

And it's this awesome cover. I'm surprised you guys haven't seen no, I don't know. I'm talking about I'll pull it up on my phone so I can show you and you can oon. Dan, anything you're all he's pulling it up on the phone. No, you can talk about the answer the question. No, I'm going to Vamp. So, hello, where are you guys from? I'll just answer the question, Dan. There was a movie, not a movie rental place. Told the company of wolves.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, that cover, dude. Oh, I remember that cover. It's bonkers. It is bonkers, that's true. Google that, I guess, listeners. Yeah, somebody needs to see a dentist. It is bonkers. It is bonkers, that's true. Google that, I guess, listeners. Yeah, somebody needs to see a dentist.

Okay, that joke will make sense once you Google it. We'll want to podcast in Google, then listen to my joke. I remember there was a video store in town that had a single copy of blood sucking Nazi zombies, otherwise known as Oasis of the Zombies, but the cover used the blood sucking Nazi zombies tile because it is of course a superior tile.

And when I was a kid, I thought that was the funniest thing I'd ever heard of. It was so over the top sleazy. And I was like, this must be the greatest movie. And if you watch it, it is sort of, I would say stultifying might be the word. It's very slow. It has, I don't know, it's like a sleazy 70s movie. So there's like early 80s. So there's a bunch of like naked ladies running around, but that's the only way what movie blood sucking Nazis zombies. That was the one that I was like, this can't possibly live up to its title and cover and it did not.

This question reminded me of a box cover. I had not remembered in a long time, but it came back to me as the same fire sign theater, like the hot kiss at the end of a wet fist. But there was in the video store I grew up with, Palmer Video, or, no, it was Video Town in Melbourne, New Jersey, Palmer Video is the other store. There was a movie called LA Goddess that just had like a was clearly like some kind of sexy movie. But like hard bodies. Yeah, and I was like probably eight. Then from the ages of eight through 12, we'd see it on the shelf. And it was not in the porn section, which I knew existed and was through like some, you know, those- A beaded curtain, yeah. Those can't eat, it was like saloon doors.

And- Hey, partner, you gotta be this high to be able to look at this material. You're gonna give me a whiskey and a porn. But it was always on the shelf and I was always like, this must be like a grown-up sex movie of some kind. But I never saw it, but the cover always stuck with me. And looking it up now online, I see that like James Hong and Joe Estevez were in it.

So now I'm really curious about this dumb movie. So anyway, that was one of the... What was it called Hollywood Sex Scouts? It's called LA Goddess. Okay, yeah, that's one. Again, I've never seen it. Don't know anything about it, but it just always like was sitting there on the shelf,

looking me in the face. Yeah, yeah, that's the one. But the woman pulling up her nightly, curvilic leg. It says work hard, play hard, right? Work hard, play easy. Oh, that's weird. I just run the director of night eyes according to the cover. So it's probably not a sexy movie that I know. Anyway, never seen it, but that cover, when I was a kid at least, it was like, what is this? All right, last, see that woman's whole leg. Last letter of the show is from Graham

last name with held. Cracker. Right. Thanks to your podcast. Not only in that just saying, it's a phrase. Yeah, not Teddy. Well, I mean, Teddy would be his first name. Yeah. Graham would be the last name. Thanks to your podcast. I'm striving to become a connoisseur of good bad movies. I recently brought it upon myself to watch a film you have mentioned a few times, though as at time of writing have not yet flopped. A timeless classic of a love story between a comic book writer and a cartoon stripper. I'm referring to none other than Ralph Bakshi's cool world. I went in expecting a less competently made who frame Roger Rabbit knockoff, but was instead bombarded with a melee

of gratingly voiced and grotesquely drawn characters in incomprehensible plot, the inexplicable presence of Brad Pitt. And of course, he's a human cop inside the tune, you're gonna remember me pretty because he died in the 40s. What's not to understand? And of course, cringy cartoon on human sex.

I've had fever dreams that were less hard on my senses than this movie But when trying to apply the flop houses otherwise fine rating system, I noticed something odd It's not a movie I kind of liked because well, it's terrible It's not a good bad movie because it wasn't funny and I would be too embarrassed to watch it with anyone else But I couldn't quite bring myself to mentally categorize it as a bad, bad movie. Yes, it was awful, but I didn't find it boring. It's sheer incompetence and storytelling was fascinating, as it desperately tries to be both an R-rated horror film and a PG-13 comedy. Plus, the visuals, the stylized urban backdrops in particular, and the soundtrack kept my attention,

along with the curiously sad feeling that a movie like this could only be made in the 90s. Too de-animated animated film was becoming strange. I find it so fascinating. Why, just because if Hollywood Hollywood good? Yep, you're just a positive Hollywood. You're just reciting the ad you saw on a fucking company in the back of every comic book for four months in the night in 92 or whatever.

2D animated films were becoming a rare and 2D live action hybrids even rarer. Cool world for all its many failures is if, is it nothing else? Neither cool, nor world. And thus ends my book report. It is if nothing else unique. What other and unambiguously terrible films have you seen which despite not being good bad movies are worth watching purely as a lesson in seeing how hard a movie can fail or because there was an interesting idea in

there somewhere. Thanks for giving me so many hours of entertainment on my travels, Graham last name withheld. So movies that aren't good bad, but are worth watching for, I don't know, crazy reasons, let's say. No, I mean, I think, I don't necessarily even think it's crazy reasons. I think it's pretty clear that one of the ideas is that one of the movie I'm going to mention is a movie I don't recommend. And it's a movie that we've, we've watched on the show. But I think a movie that like does,

Ooh, you love to say. Basically everything wrong is a sucker punch, the Zack Snyder film, because it's clearly trying to tell this story, this like almost whimsical story of a girl who is like lives a fairy tale existence in her head to kind of get out of the like shittiness of her actual life. And it tries to be empowering, but in turn, turns her into an object of like desire.

And it's like such a fascinatingly wrong-headed movie. And it's also filtered through just the general negativity that every Zack Snyder movie is filled with. And the fantasy sequences are such strange mishmashes of concepts, you know, like the cyborg world were one dragons and things like that. Which in a way wouldn't be like, if it was informed by others,

I mean, we could talk about that movie forever. But I mean, it's kind of the opposite of bright in that bright is a movie where they're like, it's the regular world, but there's a bunch of fantasy shit. And sucker punch is like, the world, this is just craziness. Nothing about this world is normal,

and it's impossible to find purchase in it. Like you cannot, you never know where, whether you're coming or going. And the, and so much of it is stuff that happens in like a fantasy world, in like her fantasy, but nothing in her life seems to inform why she has fantasies that are basically what like a teenage

boy who would be into. Yeah, and the real world that she's in is just as stylized and strange as the fantasies that she goes into. Yeah. They're just less like actiony, you know. Yeah, that's a good answer for that. Good answer. I think that there are movies that are unambiguously bad, bad that are kind of interesting because they shine a light on a particular type of film, or not maybe a type of filmmaking, but like an era of a kind of film. Like, there are wacky 60s comedies, like something like Casino Royale,

which is deadly boring, and none of the comedy works whatsoever, but I find it kind of fascinating because it's this snapshot of like what people thought was like, this is the GAMSO 60s. We can throw anything at the wall and then it's gonna be funny. And like, it's like this like weirdly like somehow combines being incredibly slow paced with being Zany and wacky at the same time.

And I don't know how scientifically you can do that. It seems like they should be... Those two things should go together and explode. Uh, yep, but I know. I know I'm in water. That's not what happens. That's not what happens. I mean, that's not a great answer, but that's something that occurred to me.

Uh, yeah, I don't know. I feel like soccer punch was a good answer, and that's also a good answer, and I don't have as good an answer. No, okay, cool. So it's for writing. So I guess I'll, Dan, what do we do next while I commit Sepico for failing to answer that question? Uh, next we quickly.

Oh, God. All right. I guess. Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports. I at least you've brought honor to your family. Are you dead now? I can't answer. Um, it's me, the ghost of Elliott.

Thank you. I did bring honor to my family. I hope you're not a hungry ghost. Please don't. No, I'm a hungry hippo. I was reincarnated very quickly. Do you guys have any like round white marbles? That's the natural, natural diet of the hippo is white marbles. I mean, you eat those so that they grind up the like grass in your belly

or anything? Yeah, they're in my gizzard. okay. What's last in the show is we very quickly recommend a movie to watch that is not bright, something that we enjoyed. Hopefully. Stewart, I think you had a couple of recommendations or maybe you won't do both. I don't know. I can't speak.

I will recommend both because one of them I don't want to talk about too much. So on the flight back from San Francisco, I watched a movie called A Dark Song, which is a movie that I really loved. It's one of my favorites of the year. It's a movie about a, it's set in England and it's about a desperate woman who and it's about a desperate woman who rents out this, this, this remote large manor house, and she hires an occultist to help her perform some kind of dark ritual, and her motives are kind of ambiguous, but the occultist that she hires is this very like blue color, almost like a chav who approaches everything in a very workman-like manner. And I think it's a movie that does, so, it's a horror movie, and it does so much with the location and the sounds and the music

and the very limited amount of special effects when used are great. And it feels like there's some surprising things but everything in the movie feels like it flows naturally in the story. I think it's just really beautiful. And in a not beautiful mode, I'm going to recommend a I'm gonna have a qualified recommendation. I just watched Brawl in Cell Block 99 from Craig Zoller who made... I want to see that. Craig Zoller made Bone Tomahawk and it is it is a another let's say, at best conservative throwback at worst, probably thinly veiled racist story where, in this case, Vince Vaughn plays a massive bald tattooed drug enforcer, or

a drug dealer who gets sent to prison and is coerced into fighting for his life, basically. And it's shot in a similar style as Bone Tom Ock in a very like no frills, little score if any like other than the occasional music. And the fight scenes Vince Vaughn justn, just kind of like Frankenstein style, lurches through. And if you've seen Bone Tomahawk, you'll know that the violence when it happens is horrible. And the things that one body does to another body just shouldn't ever happen. The amount of Mario brothers stomping on heads is impressive. And it's all, so, and Vince Vaughn actually gives a pretty good performance, but it's also

got, you know, a great performance from Don Johnson and Udo Kier, two guys who, when put in a trashy movie, know how to really fucking yuck it up. So if you're looking for something a little bit gross and a little bit old fashioned, I'd check out brawn sublock 99. The movie that I saw recently that I think I enjoyed the most was itanya, which clearly people know. It's a sequel to Irobat. Yeah, they made that joke on County Bank Bank already. I don't know, it's not County Bank, I don't know. I thought should I make them a dollar, I apologize.

What do they say, what's the joke? The last year they did the song, don't joke about, please don't joke about Irobat, this Christmas. Oh, okay. This year they did, please don't joke about itanya about this Christmas. Oh, okay. This year they did, please don't joke about it. Itanya, this Christmas. Oh, okay, that's pretty cool. I feel like that's a different year.

I'm quite understanding. I mean, no, no, no, no. Sorry, okay, it's the prequel to Iclaudeus then. There you go. Sorry, Coney Bain Bain, my dollars in the mail. So itanya is obviously about the Tanya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan incident. I think it will even call it. Yeah, no comment is what he would say.

They call the incident in the movie, the people who are like, oh, you just came here to hear about the incident. but I give it a content warning. Margot Robbie as Tony Harding gets abused a lot in the movie, both from her parents and from her husband. The physical abuse in the movie is introduced very suddenly and is very intense. And I know when I was watching the movie, I was not expecting it and it really shocked me a little bit

How's that? How's that Allison Janney though? She's great. She's awesome. She's great. The whole cast is really good at it I don't know why she lip syncs the jackal at one point. It's weird. That's just what she does now and everything but but Itanya is very fast-moving and But itanya is very fast-moving and entertaining and it uses a lot of stylistic techniques that in another movie might irritate me. It uses a lot of like, you know, needle drops on

on music and it uses a lot of graphics on screen and it has characters all sort of trading narration of the story. Although that latter one in this situation where like there is no official version that anyone can prove like at least just makes the maddick sense that they would all be narrating their own versions of what happened. But in this movie for whatever reason I feel like it all works. I've had it extremely diverting. And I won't say too much about the plot or anything like that. It's just worth watching. And- Keep the surprises.

Yeah. And quickly, because I know people like when I talk about movies I saw on planes I saw Logan Lucky when flying back home for Christmas Steven Sadaberg's like low low in-con version of Ocean 11 famed Irish filmmaker Steven Soda bread Thanks, man magazine. They would have called him Steven Soto Black. That's right. I don't know. I don't really have a lot to say about that either. I just, you know, watch the movie on a plane.

So I wanted to bring it up. It's good. You'll watch it. I'm going to recommend a movie I didn't see on a plane. This movie you guys probably have seen already and the people listening probably have seen already, but it was new to me, because I got a big stack of screeners for the writer's guild awards.

Oh, good stuff. But I finally got to see a movie called Duncark, and I wanted to see, and I missed in the theaters, and I really loved it. I thought it's shot beautifully, and the story tells is both very spare and very complicated, and it gives you a real sense of the importance and the emotion around the Dunkirk evacuation without

having scenes of like men pointing pointers at maps and being like, we're here. France is there. We need to get our boats from blah blah blah. There's like very little of the movie explaining itself to you and I I watched it the night after I watched the post and the post is all characters explaining what they're doing and what that's Historic significance is in the beginning of Dunkirk you're introduced to a character who has not spoken any dialogue yet You don't know anything about him and yet instantly I was like so much more invested in his life than in anything in the entire movie I just watched the night before. So what can I tell you? Christopher Nolan does it again, one caveat.

If you're like me, all these kind of generally in their early 20s to early 30s, Englishmen with dark hair kind of look the same after a while. So there were definitely parts where I was like, which guy is this again? He's over there now. I think that was a common problem that people had with the movie after a while. So there were definitely parts where I was like, which guy is this again? He's over there now. I think that was a common problem that people had with the movie, but yeah.

But I really liked it a lot. And in case you're like, oh, another epic over long, it's like an hour and 40 minutes. Yeah, it's the shortest movie. Yeah, it's shorter than Momento. And it's beautiful. He shoots things in it in a way that- I think that's it, I think that's what it says on the DVD case for Dunkirk.

So, sure the momentum. The way it's shot at times reminded me of not exactly identical but in the way that Powell and Pressburger movies look. Where it's like the color is gorgeous and it's kind of hyper real but it's not super stylized. And just the way objects look. And there's a kind of stoic underplayed Britishness to the whole thing that really works.

So Dunkirk, I liked it a lot. When I was flying back from San Francisco, I kept seeing looking over people's seat backs and seeing people watching Dunkirk on the plane and just thinking how mad Christopher Nolan would be. Yeah. I didn't shoot that on film with practical effects, so you could watch it in your arrow plane.

But I mean, if you try, see it out the biggest TV that you can see it on, because it'll, so it was one of the few movies that I've seen recently on a big screen TV and it really helped. These big fields of blue, they're really gorgeous. Well guys, I'm sad, we've been spoiled recently. We've gotten so many of each other in person. Yeah, we were locked in in each other naked at that one time.

We saw everything. We'd see to it. But it was like an X-Men comic. We were covered up by a little bit of steam. An occasional word balloons. But yeah, we're not going to be together in the same room for a little while, which is too bad. But, hey, that's the big reason that we got to keep touring, guys. That's why we chose when our father was exiled by the show gun. We had to choose either the ball or the microphone. And we chose to walk the demons' room. And we chose the microphone. I don't know what you're saying, but that seems like it's right. Yeah, yeah, actually I remember it. You were you were there, but you were kind of sleepy.

Yeah, we don't remember it. All right, well, it's very late where we are, so we should just sign off for the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. Hey guys, I'm Stuart Willington forever and always now and forever cat. It's Emily Gillen at the winter garden now and forever. I'll tell a chart now. All right. Okay. The first thing we do is the intro. So I'll do yeah, yeah, that sounds right Okay, man, so you work for it all pull okay, I'll buy Have a mr. Step

Sounds just crazy enough to work Yeah, I'll do it now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha