The Flop House - Ep.#428 - Rebel Moon Part 2: The Scargiver

Episode Date: July 6, 2024

We had to do it. We had to return to that ol' Rebel Moon to see what happened to all our favorite space pals, like... uh... there was the one guy who trained like, a bird dragon? And, um... Lady Sword-haver? And Charlie Hu-- no, wait, he was killed in the first one because he was a traitor. There's definitely a Scargiver in this one, though. That one we're 100% on. Oh Zack Snyder. We wish we could quit you. But like, for serious. We're very tired.Have you subscribed to our new NEWSLETTER, "Flop Secrets?" Why not?Wikipedia page for Rebel Moon Part 2Recommended in this episode:Last Man Standing (1995)Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024)E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)Liquid Sky (1982)Head to factormeals.com/flop50 and use code flop50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.

On this episode we discuss Rebel Moon, part two, the Scargiver. Now there are rebels, but they're not technically on a moon, and the giver only gives one scar, but it is part two. So I'm going to give this just one and a half Pinocchios for title honesty. Oh, one and a half Pinocchios is the prequel to nine and a half weeks, right? You don't want to know what he does with that nose. Yeah. Oh, I know exactly what he does.

Saucy stuff. Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, it's me, Stuart, the Scargiver Wellington. And this is Elliott, part two, Kaylin. Ouch, ouch, Stuart, stop giving me scars. I can't help it, I got this nickname for a reason, baby. I got, stop giving me scars. Ouch. I can't help it. I got this nickname for a reason, baby. I got so much scarred again. You have as much reason to get that nickname as the main character of this movie who gives

one scar, maybe, throughout the film. I also give this movie one scar. Oh man, that's a preview of your letterbox score. Did you know? I actually gave the first one one star. And this one, I bumped up to two stars. Two stars. For reasons that I will get into in the movie.

I liked it slightly better. It could be because I was more distracted and thus the movie kind of served as like. This movie is the ultimate second screen experience if it is not the first screen. If you are doing something else and you just want laser fight background, then yes, this is the movie for you.

I was in sort of a bad mood and it distracted me from that rather than before when I'm like, ooh, I'm gonna watch a movie and then the movie disappointed me so greatly. One day I started his review and he said, because I was more, I assumed he was about to say invested, in which case I started loading a pistol.

Yes, that would have been very surprising. Well, I will say this movie puts a lot of story and humanity to characters that previously had absolutely none, I wouldn't say it puts a lot. I was going to take the cue a lot. He puts a lot. Thank you. I was gonna take the cue with the word a lot there.

Generous. It gives some sketch of some reason why you might care about these characters late in the game. That should not come, spoiler alert, in the second half of your two half movie. You should put that in earlier so people can care about what the fuck's going on rather than being like, oh, you know, after the fact,

maybe you like these characters now. I'm like, no, I'm sorry. I checked out Rebel Moon. This is good effort, but this is too little too late. It's the definition of too little too late. But here's the thing about this movie, guys. And this is something that I was gonna go back to in my summary multiple times.

So I think I'll just state it here. This movie was clearly made by human beings, written and directed by human beings. The special effects were done by human beings. This feels like an AI movie. The look is the AI look of kind of glossy, blurry kind of stuff that would have looked cool in a fantasy or science fiction poster 20 years ago,

but now is kind of overdone. The story is as boilerplate, boring, dull standards possible, the characters have no personality, the visuals are not interesting. Like it felt to me this was the closest I've seen yet of a movie that felt like it was made by an AI system in that style. Yeah, like if it was revealed at some point that it was like, okay, Hayley Joel Osmond's character

from AI made this movie. I'd be like, I get it, you got me movie. I get it, it feels like a little boy who can't, who if he eats too much, it just kind of bulges out his cheeks, yeah. You're right. You did make this, yeah. Ellie, because even the, even the images,

the scattered images, I thought were genuinely kind of cool. Like, do I enjoy seeing a robot, a lanky robot with several glowing eyes? An antlers? An antlers, that kind of looks also like a suit of armor. Do I like that? Sure I do, but it also kind of feels like something that has been pulled from a bunch of,

you know, human fantasy illustrators work online and like, yeah, slam together. If you go like, Instagram is full of images generated that are like robot Buddhists or like robots. Robots in forests. Yeah. Yeah, like all that kind of crap. That's fucking yeah I mean, you don't need I mean people generate those Yeah, a large part of the aesthetic of the creator is just that which is you know, like robots in like rural settings It's a combination of that subject matter with the very like the blur and gloss and dull coloring

that with AI hides the fact that it has errors, you know, like it feels ultra shiny and all, but at the same time, like someone coated the lens with grease, you know, to, and it's, the movie just feels very, it feels like a movie that was not even made by it feels like People used to say this movie was made by committee and now I wish I could see a movie made by committee Made by one computer that was just fed on all the things in that exists already

But anyway, let's talk about rebel moon. So here's thing. This movie is over two hours long I mean 11 minutes is credits, but it's over two minute two hours long But I think this may be the shortest summary possibly that we ever do on the flophouse. Yeah, cuz so little happens Oh, I bet we can derail this thing Challenge our challenge today another reason I likes part two more shorter than the first half It was the easiest movie for the flophouse that I think I've ever had in terms of taking notes while doing the dishes Yeah, just long fight sequences that I think I've ever had in terms of taking notes while doing the dishes. Just long fight sequences that I don't need to write anything down for.

On that very specific metric, 10 stars. If you're judging this movie on convenience of taking notes while doing something else, again, 10 out of 10, A plus, highest recommendation, perfect second or third screen experience. Stuart? Yo, so... Oh, he said yo, this means he's serious. He's getting real. He's speaking Spanish and he's talking about himself.

Yeah, time to turn this chair backwards for a second. So, I feel like, so this is the second of two movies. This is the second of two movies of a projected six movies. Six movies, sure. So, but it isn't until like maybe 10 minutes before the end of the movie when Debra Bloodaxe shows up with her rebel spoiler, shows up with her rebels, and one of the pilots is an alien that I'm like, oh yeah, there's fucking aliens in this movie.

Like the first movie like... Had a couple aliens. It had like a Jenna Malone's spider lady. Yeah. Like some other guys, like where are those guys? Why couldn't one of their team be like a cool alien guy? Well, this movie really, it targets

what people love most about science fiction storytelling, which is harvesting. Long scenes of harvesting and grain, and also just guns that shoot things the same way guns do in real life. Like this movie's about... I don't know, it shoots at like sparks and lava and shit fly out when you get hit by the guns though.

Yeah, that's true, that's true. But this movie is about grain and guns. Like that's pretty much it. And yeah, right, when that alien showed up, there was part of me that was like, that's similar to what we're talking about with backstory. I was like, too little, too late. You can't just throw an alien in at the very end

and expect me to be like, oh yeah, it's the science fiction epic, yeah. This is just as a service to the one listener who was like, I wonder what the end of Dan's half-muttered sentence was gonna be. It was just gonna be, I wonder when that Jenna Malone Spider Lady film is gonna come out. The adaptation, of course, of the hit comic Spider Lady.

Wasn't worth it, but I didn't want anyone who has maybe problems with threads being dangled and then not resolved to be upset. No, I understand. No, you did a public service there, yeah. I feel bad for the actor who was initially cast to be the third pilot and they're like, oh, actually, we need to put an alien in this role. And he's like, but I told my parents! No, sorry, we're casting an alien now.

And then they've got to find an alien. So let's talk about Rebel Moon, part two, The Scargiver. Very few aliens, as we've mentioned, for a Star Wars ripoff. And a lot of grain, a lot of reaping and milling. So let's talk about it, shall we? We open with, here's my promise to myself

before going in was I was not gonna do any research and I was just gonna try to guess what was happening based on my vague memories the first movie. Luckily the movie understands nobody cares enough to remember. So we open with a voiceover from Anthony Hopkins who of course is the voice of a robot named James or Jimmy. Jimmy the robot, yep. He says, he reminds us that Cora and Gunner, they gather- He pronounces it Gooner which is kind of a wild dog. You know what he's doing in his spare time.

Oh, that's who you're talking about. Yeah, yeah. When Stuart came in, he's like, are you sad because of the death of Gooner? And I'm like, what? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, Gooner's kind of like, he's kind of like a baby girl, right?

Like he's like, he's cute, and he's got like his little five o'clock shadow, but he can't really do much. He's like there to be like... He saves Korra's life at the end. He's very much the sub in their relationship, sure. He is the kind of gentle, softer man that the heart woman falls for. So Korra and Gunnar, he represents a nicer world, you know, a nicer universe than she knows.

Korra and Gunnar, they've gathered warriors. That's how he pronounces it, guys. I mean, Anthony, are you going to correct Sir Anthony Hopkins? No, I won't. I'm assuming the director would not. Cute videos he posts of him with his cat hanging out. Yeah, and I also don't care enough to correct. Again, most of the characters in this movie, I do not know their names.

I don't care what their names are. I had the captions on for part of it just so I could find out what their names were, because the captions would sometimes say who was talking. I know General Titus and I know Korra. Their names are said every five minutes. Dan, can you name five characters in this movie that we haven't already mentioned? Oh, that I have? You can't name Jimmy the Robot, Korra, Gooner, or General Titus.

Yeah, or Deborah Bloodaxe. I think I could only have named three of thoseora, Gooner, or General Titus. Yeah, or Denver Bloodaxe. I think I could only have named three of those anyway, and those would have been the three I think I could have come up with. Do you remember the bad guy's name? If you get his first name, I will do ten push-ups right now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Rebel Moon. Pretty close, pretty close. Do you remember, you can't name any of them? No, I don't. The only other character I remember their name

is the character named Den, because I was like, you got a lot of nerve, Rebel Moon. Naming a character after Den, and not having him be a regular person in a barbarian body in a fantasy world. A nerd, Elliot. He's not a regular person in a barbarian. A nerd is a regular person, Stuart.

I gotta tell you, when you said that about not doing any research, I didn't as well. And I was like, oh man, I'm not gonna remember anything. Because they introduced, this is based on the seven samurai. They introduce seven characters as the mercenary team plus all the other people in the movie. I'm like, I'm not gonna remember this. And then as the movie started, I'm like,

man, they could have just like slipped a couple of them out the back door and I would not have noticed. Like I don't, I'm like, are there still seven of them here? I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think there are, there's one or two of them that just kind of come and go. They kind of appear and disappear.

Okay. And like one of them was a traitor, Charlie. Yeah, Hunnam. Charlie Hunnam's character was a betrayer and then Deborah Bloodaxe's brother like Bloodaxe's brother doing these things Remember he dies and a random soldier is like I'll take his place this random lady soldier. I loved him I'll take his place. This random lady soldier, I loved him. I'll take his place. And you're like, are you, who are you?

Like, okay, I guess so. But she's the one who has black paint over her eyes, Furiosa style. And I think that, I mean, not that we're, I mean, we're talking about the characters, so it doesn't matter necessarily from that stance. But I think that that might be the person performing that goes by they, them pronouns,

but the thing is there's so many different characters that I apologize in advance that we get it wrong, because it's just because we don't know who any of these people are. Don't worry, we're not going to be talking about most of them, because they're not really that important. They're a cannon fodder for the most part.

Of course, we've got to talk about my favorite villain of all time, General Atticus Noble. Or no, Admiral Atticus Noble. So let's get to him. So let me just finish telling you what the VO says, which is they were collecting warriors to save the village on the planet Velt from Imperial stormtroopers who have a dreadnought ship,

and they said, we're going to destroy your village if you don't give us all your grain or whatever. And so then we see Atticus Noble, he died at the end of the last movie. Korra, our hero, killed him, right? Stuart, what happens to Admiral Atticus Noble? Well they picked him up and then they like wrapped him in a cocoon and then pumped him full of juice and he's all better now. He's back.

Possibly like tougher. Yeah. It's tough. I don't remember exactly his skillset. I just remember he got wanked off by like a squid monster in the last one. Yes, that was the one interesting thing that happened in the entire movie last time.

I kind of liked the look of this med lab scene because like the doctor, very inefficient. I mean, I think that you who would be blinding anyone else who was in the room with him, but like has all of these huge glowing eyes like that shine right in people's faces. Yeah. Yeah. And then like you see like these like holographic scans

of like the heart and the brain that, you know, as this person's in this cocoon, this chrysalis. Like that was kind of neat. Yeah, and it's kind of like, it's the cocoon material. It's kind of like a Shelob's web that she covers Samwise in. Yeah, this stuff would all look really cool if I hadn't seen it all before. If it wasn't all variations of stuff we'd seen.

The same way that like, as we've seen with many of these movies, that we, you know, these blockbusters that we've, or would be blockbusters, this would be cool stuff if we hadn't seen a lot of it already in 15 years. Like those doctor outfits look cool, but I just rewatched David Lynch's Dune recently and like the outfits in that look a thousand times cooler and they're really similar to it. So anyway, they know, but the baddie he's resurrected, Atticus Noble, he's back to life,

back to reality. And he knows that the Scargiver, whose real name, we know her as Korra, but her real name is like Athelias, or something like that. Arthelaus, yeah. Arthelaus.. He's on she's on belt the idealic planet. I have a skill set and that's remembering dumb fantasy crap. That's good. That's good. So the heroes have returned to the village. Aris, a young private who is stationed there, is told via hologram call from the bad guys that the harvest has to be ready in five days.

And meanwhile, Jimmy the robot, he's wearing antlers, dressing like a shaman, just because it looks cool. No real reason, he's just walking around in the wilderness doing nothing. I was reading, I think it was a David Ehrlich review, I'm not sure, but that talked about how much there was about the grain in this movie, how much threshing happens,

and about how hilarious it is that, I mean, this is again, based on the Seven Samurai, but like how important this grain is to this giant universe conquering force in the same way it was to starving warlords. In feudal Japan. I will say it's like, if this was a better movie, then they could make the point

for all the technological prowess this empire has, people need to eat and army moves on its stomach. Like they need that grain just to get back to their home world basically, because it takes them so long and they have so many soldiers. And like, that's an interesting thing to talk about, but they don't talk about it.

And like the grain, the harvesting the grain, I guess it's treated as if it's like a sacred event. But in Seven Samurai, at the end, when the villagers are, are they replanting or are they harvesting the rice? I don't remember. And they're singing while they do it. And the samurai are like, they're gonna forget about us.

Their lives have gone back to normal. They don't care about us anymore. We've done our part. They can just sit. We have no place in a world of peace. Yes. We have no place in a world of peace. Yes, we have no place in a world of peace. And also it's not like they're gonna, we were heroes for a moment

and now they're back to the rhythms of this life that is less exciting, but in some ways more meaningful. And it's such a beautiful moment and a beautifully sad moment at the same time. This movie has nothing like that in it. It's like they've- There's like people with smoking swords though, dude. There are laser swords in it's yeah it's like they've there's like people with smoking swords though dude there are laser swords in it that's true a totally original idea to have a laser in the form of a

sword but anyway so Cora tells the village leaders that uh admiral noble is dead the threat is over uh but RS is like oh no i do love that that like simplicity of like no man you kill the leader and the whole team leaves. They're all like, we gotta have a new election, I guess. And Eris is like, no, he's still alive and they're coming in like five days. You didn't accomplish shit. And Juman Honsu, he gives one of a couple

of very half-baked, half-assed speeches where he says to the villagers, hey, it's time to fight for what you love. You have to harvest that grain in three days so we can use it for my strategy to protect us. Work begins at dawn. And this village of farmers is like, oh, at dawn, all right.

I guess we can. It's like, they're farmers. I guess I can sleep in a little. Exactly. Like usually we get up in the middle of the night so we can start doing work. But it's so funny because they're like, harvesting the grain in three days, I guess so.

Their field seems, the grain field seems to be about what? 100 feet square? Like it's so tiny. But anyway, Coran Gunnar, they talk, he admits that in the battle that they just had at the end of the first movie, he wasn't afraid of dying. He was afraid of losing her. And they started making out.

They have, how would you rate their chemistry, their romantic chemistry on a scale from zero, meaning none, to 10, meaning their souls will be reincarnated together through all eternity? Yeah. Well, I just, I- You mean Jennifer Lopez and George Clooney and out of sight levels of chemistry.

Yes, exactly, yeah. I have to explain that I did just for my friend Tom's birthday, he screened a double feature of action movies. The one, the first one- I'm interested to see how this connects with what we're talking about. The first one was pretty good and I think I might recommend it later on, so stay tuned.

Okay. The second one- Let me just move to the edge of my seat. I was mostly enjoyed for dumbness qualities and it was Fair Game starring. Oh yeah, Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford and which Baldwin was it, Billy or? Is it Stephen Baldwin or is it Billy Baldwin?

I think it's, well anyway. Listen, I'm saying, and it's not a manslaughter, Yulter Alec Baldwin, yeah. One of the lesser tough-did Baldwins was the star. And so seeing the negative chemistry that Cindy Crawford and this Baldwin had. They seem to despise, so this isn't as bad as that. You're right, Zero would I guess be,

they hate each other obviously. Like he seems like a nice guy and she seems to appreciate that. So I'll give it like a two or three maybe. Okay, but far from the kind, I mean maybe it like a two or three. Maybe. Okay. But far from the kind, I mean, maybe it was love born in the heat of battle. So they got a cut two, they have just had sex.

Now it's done, I guess in the R rated version, we'll see it happen. I don't know, cause they're talking about releasing a harder cut of this. Yeah, yeah, they probably do it to like some space version of hallelujah. Yeah, yeah. Hallelujah droid, yeah, or something like that.

And so he goes, they're lying in bed and in the afterglow, as always, you ask your lover about their tragic backstory. So he's like, hey, how come since you were raised by General Balisarius, who runs the space empire. The regent? Regent? Sorry, regent Balisarius. Why are you considered a criminal?

And she goes, oh. The scar giver. That's an interesting name. Where does that come from? And she goes, oh. The Scargiver, that's an interesting name. Where does that come from? Now again, dear listeners. I just met the scars on my back from your nails while we were in the Throws of Passion. I just want listeners to understand that, of course,

I know that we're not talking about Belisarius Call, the Archmagus who invented the primary space marine technique. Thank you for making that clear. We're not talking about him. We're talking about Regent Belisarius from the movie Rebel Moon Part II The Scargiver. Yeah, the movie we're speaking about today. And so he explains how when she still worked for the Empire,

she was the bodyguard of Princess Issa. We learned that last movie. The princess had started persuading her father to stop conquering things and crushing other planets. Oh, that's why we're supposed to care about her. I miss that part because at the end when they all pledge their fealty to the old bloodline or whatever,

I'm like, why? They seem bad too. So, okay, thank you for cleaning that up. She's being set up as a sort of- They're also like kings and queens. Like, we shouldn't want them to be saved. I already, yeah, I already have problems with the monarchal system. But they are also, they are setting her up as a sort of divine, almost Christ-like figure.

Ah, okay. So she is the innocence embodied in a child. Of course, of course she's divine. She's the daughter of Carrie Elwes, Dan. Yeah, that's true. There's two great... Body fucking wobbly, Carrie Elwes, Dan. That's true. There's two great... Bobby fucking Wobbly. Carrie Elwes.

Now, of the two great Carrie's of film, Carrie Grant and Carrie Elwes, Carrie Elwes is certainly the lesser. I think Carrie Elwes would admit that. But he's still wonderful, still a national treasure. Rufflin' feathers. Carrie Elwes, if you're listening, I love you. I think you're great.

But I think even you would admit that Carrie is a different order of magnitude. Where does Carrie white? Spelled differently, right? Yeah, I'm just talking about car. Why Carrie's? Okay. Yeah, I guess so Great Carrie's a film so I had to think about the carry-on series Sure, yeah, not a not talking about the pig blood magnet Telekinetic monster. No, not that long. That's true.

Yeah, no, not that Carrie. So moving on, we can list Carries forever. There's Carrie Fisher, of course, which is someone who fishes for Carries in the Sea of Carries. But there's Cash and Carrie, and also Carrie-on, and there's also Carrian, the Spider-Man villain, who is a zombie version of... Well, actually, none of this gets to him. His origin is complicated enough. And there's also Carrion, the Spider-Man villain, who is a zombie version of, well, actually, none of this is gonna get to him.

His origin is complicated enough. Anyways, so Dan, I'll tell you more about this. I can't believe Elliot's stopped. Elliot was about to digress even too much from him. Dan, I'll tell you about the origin of the Spider-Man villain, Carrion, all five of you like. You know what? I honestly am interested, but you're right,

we probably shouldn't. Yeah, we have so much plot to get through. There's so much plot to get through. So she explains, Princess Issa was like, hey, maybe we shouldn't conquer things anymore. And her dad was like, yeah, that's right. So they were gonna go christen the last of the battle dreadnoughts.

And Belisarius was like, I've fought for all my life for this army, I'm not gonna give up now, and told Korra, you have to kill the princess. And so at the christening, as a blindfolded string quintet plays, like they're in eyes wide shut or something. I kinda like that. I like this too.

I like that there was live scoring for all this murder that was about to happen. They just got, they went with it. They're like, okay, I guess it needs to get more intense and scary. And it's also funny, I feel like this scene kind of reflects I think the general Cliff Notes version of a story that these movies are because neither the queen

nor the princess, it looks like they spent more than maybe 10 minutes in the like hair and makeup chair. And I'm like, the fucking- Even Carioly's beard looks super fake. You're like, give me a- The villain looks weird as shit. He looks like a wooly-willy. They did. He does, yeah.

His beard also looks terrible. I mean, in a way, that makes him a good villain. Yeah. Because he looks like it breaks your brain to look at him. Like the ultimate villain, wooly-willy, yeah. You don't have time. Stick your face in this pot of paste and then we're gonna blow iron filings on to you Like they didn't even give they didn't even give the princess an updo. I mean come on like what like

never-ending story princess Princess Leia Yeah, like yeah, so anyway Her hair is just down. Yeah, like, yeah. So anyway, see, so they kill the king and queen and Korra is like, not sure if she can shoot the princess and Belisarius is like, do it. And the princess goes, it's okay, I forgive you.

And Korra shoots and kills her. And then Belisarius is like, and then she's like, she gets upset and Belisarius is like, oh, by the way, I'm gonna blame all this on you. And starts going, she just killed the king and queen and the princess. And everyone's going, yeah, traitor, traitor. They jump into the play acting so fast, and she fights her way out, runs away, and she decides she's gonna honor the princess by being more than a weapon.

She's now gonna be, I guess, a farmer and a lover. And that's her backstory. Next morning, we begin. Joker, toker, bygone. We begin the famous. I think you kind of glossed over the fact that when she shot the princess, the princess started shooting out glowing light. I wasn't sure if that was the laser beam working

or if that was, cause they never talk about it again. So I didn't know if that was just the weapon or if that was her body being magical. I presume, you know, look, sometimes with these movies, if I'm having a hard time following everything, particularly if it's the second half of a two-part movie that gets split unceremoniously, I have the Wikipedia open.

So I knew ahead of time, we were headed towards that princess was gonna be alive at the end. Spoiler for anyone who was not intending to listen to all of our synopsis for some reason. But like, so I was like, oh, this glowiness, this must be related somehow to how she survives. But we don't know yet. We don't know yet until, you know, Rebel Moon Part 3, Glowy Girl. Glowy Girl, yeah, yeah. That's what it's going to be called, Glowy Girl.

And so the next morning, everyone goes out, they start harvesting grain in various degrees of slow motion. This goes on for a long time. And we go to the King's gaze. That's the dreadnought that noble commands. And he demands, he goes, I need to be put back in command. And his doctor is like, oh, we just have to run some tests.

And he shoots the doctor and kills him in anger. And everyone's like, yeah, you're in charge again. That's all it took. Yeah, you passed the final test. And they're like, yeah, you're in charge again. That's all it took. You passed the final test. And they're like, oh, we're sorry that that scar is still on your chest. The med droids couldn't remove it. We'll work on that. And he goes, no, no, it was given to me by the scar giver herself.

I will cherish it. And it's like, it's not that good a scar. Like it does kind of looks, it looks like an octopus sucker got stuck to his chest. She's known for, you know, it's like whatever. She doesn't do it at all. I mean, mostly she cuts people's heads off or shoots them with guns. So the idea that she's the scar giver makes no sense.

I'm just saying it's in her name, you know. Did she give someone else a scar in the first movie? I don't remember. I mean, unless the thing is that she's giving herself scars like Zazz-Zazz, the Batman villain, you know, for each victim she cuts a scar, but she doesn't seem to do that. I know Zazz, you don't have to explain that.

All right, it was more for Dan. Who treats Stuart like an idiot. Dan wasn't super familiar with Kari, so nobody's familiar with Zazz. Sure, yeah. Zazz, a villain who, honorarily, does not have that much Zazz. Yeah, certainly no Riz.

No, not at all, no. So there's more harvesting. We see that Titus, the Juman-Hantu's character who was an alcoholic is now dipping his flask into just a barrel of plain water. Oh, perhaps he cares a little bit. The harvesting, it's all set to soulful village, kind of choral and music.

It goes on forever. Yeah, it takes forever. Blessedly, night falls. The one like nod to futuristic crap is the thing, the truck they throw all the grain onto is floating. That's the only thing. Other than that, it's old school sides and all that shit. They're basically Amish, yeah.

And the horses they ride are alien horses. They look a little different. They sound a little different. I gotta say, the whole trad lifestyle push here, I'm not into. No, not at me either. I feel like this is the kind of movie that like John Krasinski would be like, mm, this sounds good.

This is my fantasy. But also like, in a better movie, they would be setting up duality between the mechanized inhuman empire and the kind of personal, individual, agricultural, kind of close to the land village. But instead they're just like, they can't be bothered to put a point on it. So they're just kind of, they're just going with this shorthand of like grain good, farming

good, plow good. You know these people are good because they plow and to be honest, there are no, until the heroes come in, they're all white anyway, right? They do, they look like, you know,, trad people, which is, whereas the- We also know they're good because they have this big ceremony where they give all the heroes their own special banner. We're getting to when everybody gets their own knit banner, yeah. Okay, well, before we get to that, I want to dive a little bit into like, Stuart, I

feel like you're a strong dislike for John Krasinski is moving into a new zone where you're starting to ascribe. I don't get a TREAD political viewpoint from him. Ascribe characteristics to him that I don't necessarily associate with him. With John Krasinski. Two things you dislike and you're like, I bet that guy is. Oh, well, I don't know.

I'm just wondering where it's coming from. I mean, I feel like A Quiet Place has a pretty strong and a pretty obvious like trad family structure reading The idea that they're like, yeah, you know, we live in a world where if you make noise aliens will eat you let's uh Pump out a bunch of fucking babies. Yeah, so that's stupid If you have any interest in the continuing of the human race you do need to Have babies at some point. Yeah, but I feel like put it off until like maybe we figure out the alien problem. Thank you Yeah

If you can put off a baby for like, you know work reasons or whatever you probably do it for like I mean, I know Dan that you share his John Krasinski's belief that the CIA is a necessary evil in the world and that it's not evil at all, it's actually a good thing. I mean, is that just based on him being in a TV show about it? Or is that a real thing? He probably has said it in connection with the- He like didn't interview after visiting the CIA headquarters and he's like,

everybody should be so thankful that the CIA's out there. I also would like to admit, I don't, in the political sense, I don't have a lot of understanding of like the usage of trad I recently used Tread to refer to like trad men's wear fashion like like like like a trad look Uh-huh and the menswear Twitter guy beat you up. No No, I was it was with Audrey and she's like, what are you talking about? Because she only thought of it as this political thing. Or she's like, I thought you were talking

to traditional Irish folk music. Yeah, now, unfortunately, we live in a climate right now where everything is political. I only just recently learned how Mack tonight has become a symbol of alt-right racism over the years, which I don't believe. Oh, not you Mac. Really? Exactly, I was devastated to learn it.

And so everything is political, everything has that angle, which sucks. But I also, I want to take a moment out of that to just celebrate Stuart's intense, passionate dislike for John Krasinski. Someone who, my opinion on him is like, eh, like I don't really think about it in one way or the other,

but Stuart, so much of your brain space is spent mad at John Krasinski. And I want to cherish that and recognize it and honor it. Thank you. Yeah, stoke that fire, please. Yeah, to me, he just seems like a guy, but yeah, I appreciate it. I appreciate, you know, in this topsy-turvy world, there are certain rocks we can cling to.

Yeah, and one is that Stuart does not like John Krasinski. And I'm looking forward to Stuart's power broker-sized takedown of John Krasinski 20 years from now. And I'm a passionate man. My fiery blood burns hot. And you know, I feel like this podcast is a great way for me to share those passions. Yeah, yeah. When talking about Warhammer and my dislike of certain famous people. You have to vent your hot Indiana blood sometimes, you know. Yeah, we're known for being a passionate people.

Us Hoosiers. I mean, it's the one state where they were like, daylight saving? No, thank you. I mean, not to disbelieve your lived experience, but I experience you as more like me, where there's a lot of anger there and it all gets directed inward at oneself.

But a certain amount of it is being directed inward to I guess one of the two John Krasinski's that live inside him. There's two John Krasinski's in all of us. There's always spillover, I guess. Yeah, we'll do other podcasts where I talk about other celebrities I don't like. Oh, my goodness, yeah.

I'm looking forward to Stewart's new podcast, Krasinski Krasinski, which one is worst? You'll be surprised at the conclusions where it gets to. Anyway, Stewart's opinions about John Krasinski don't necessarily speak for the entirety of the flop. Just because I haven't thought about it that much. Yeah. That's my disclaimer.

Okay. So, so, uh, Noble's back in charge harvesting the he reports back to superiors something and Admiral Noble is like, well, I guess Noble's back in charge, harvesting the heiress, he reports back to his superiors something, and Admiral Noble is like, well, I guess he's picked sides. He knows that the young private who's been stationed at the village has taken the village's side. Now, guess what they're doing, guys?

Exciting science fiction epic. They are milling the grain. We like to watch them milling the grain for a while. Okay, cool. They say, we're the millers. As they do it. They do say that, while. Oh, okay, cool. They say, we're the millers. As they do it. They do say that as they're doing it, yeah. And okay, then it's that night,

the village girl who's in love with Aris, I think her name is Sam, but I only- He saved her from being assaulted by the evil soldiers. Right, okay. She gives gifts of hand woven blankets and banners, each one gets their own symbol. And Gunnar's, she's like, you're the heart of us all. So just got a big cartoony heart on it.

And if I was Gunnar, I would be like, what is this? Everyone's got like lightning bolts and like mountains and monsters. So I got a big goofy heart, come on. And this is one of those, I don't know about you guys, but I love it when a movie has characters not really do anything. And then all of a sudden everyone's like,

and I love you because you're so good at fighting and doing this other stuff and you're like, you didn't see anything, honey. No, she is investing so much personality into each of these characters through just the gift she's giving them, much more than we've seen. And this is where I want to talk about something,

this is where I'm going to digress to talk about something related to the movie, which is the aspect of personality. It seems like what this movie thinks is that we think characters are cool or charismatic if they are bad-ass fighters and super buff. When in reality, I think audiences are drawn to personalities.

Think about this. Here's my thought expressive. Okay, sure. Think about Star Wars. Who is the character in Star Wars that everybody seems to gravitate towards? Han Solo, right? People love Han Solo.

Is he a super badass? Not really. He's kind of a screw up. Like there's something cool about him, but he's a screw up. But he's got so much personality, partly because of the way Harrison Ford plays him, partly the way he's written in contrast to Luke Skywalker, who has minimal personality in some ways. He wants to be a Jedi, dude. But I mean, as a Jedi, he has less personality

than he had before. Yeah. Well, and like Luke Sky, I feel like kids can identify with Luke Skywalker because his needs are, his wants are similar to theirs. Yes. But Han Solo is like the cool older brother. He's aspirational in that way.

But so much of it is just that he has so much personality. It's not that just that he's a badass. Here's an example we're not supposed to talk about anymore because he's a guy people don't like anymore But who is the opposite of a badass? Woody Allen was the star of many movies because he has a lot of personality even if he has personality that you find irritating His personality is very clearly defined and has a lot of detail to it the carrot I think audiences are drawn to characters who whether they're likable or not whether they're attractive or not whether they're

Charismatic not have a lot of personality and the characters in this movie have no personality nothing to characters who, whether they're likable or not, whether they're attractive or not, whether they're charismatic or not, have a lot of personality. And the characters in this movie have no personality, nothing. Nothing differentiates them. And it means that you kind of don't know, you don't know or care who anyone is. Well, and this doesn't give them any more personality,

but failing this, at least give them something sort of relatable. And this goes back to me saying like, yeah, I did kind of like this better than the first one for reasons associated with like, look, it all comes in the form of sort of a dumb generic info dump where like everyone goes around the table being like, what's your story?

You know, like that kind of thing. But at least- They do do that. At least- In a little bit we're gonna get to, they do do that, yeah. At least when that comes- They go around the table going, what's in your wallet? Yeah, when that comes, those stories are like,

generally like tales of like sadness or what they've like lost or whatever that make you relate to them versus how we are introduced to these characters. And the first movie where it's just like, we get a bunch of action scenes that don't mean anything, but they're there to be like, this new character's pretty cool, right?

Because we meet them doing this action thing, you know? Look how cool this character is, not look how interesting or relatable or just identifiable the character is, you know, as a character with a personality, but. Yeah, I mean, this movie does suggest like would Seven samurai have been better if there was like the townspeople were super excited to have these samurai show up And there was no conflict between them at all

I mean that's again I mean no one even Zack Snyder have to assume is does not think this movie is as good as seven samurai Which is an amazing movie, but you look at that movie I mean, no one, even Zack Snyder, I have to assume, does not think this movie is as good as Seven Samurai, which is an amazing movie. But you look at that movie, which is the template for so many adventure movies. And it's like, yeah, there's conflict between the heroes and the people they're protecting, which enriches it.

The characters have different personalities. Tashira Mufuni's character, who's like, Tashira Mufuni is basically the Wolverine of any movie that he's in. His character is like a screw up who is lying about who he is. And the other ones are like, okay, we'll just accept him. And he has, and when he dies, it's incredibly,

you're like, ugh, like this guy, like he probably shouldn't have even been there, but he gave his all. And like he did in the end, like he doesn't even have a full set of armor. He's not wearing pants when he dies. Like it's- Did you guys, did you guys see,

have you guys watched Shogun yet? Have you guys watched the new Shogun series? I watched the first episode, I haven't watched the rest yet. I hear very good things, but I have not. Yeah, well the character Yabushige is like, the actor is clearly channeling some like Tishiro Mifune energy and he's like such a scoundrel. And it's the same actor, he was the guy from Ichi the Killer

with the, you know, the piercings in his cheeks. Oh, really? Oh, the onecings in his cheek. Oh really? I hope he cuts off the tip of his tongue because as punishment, right? I love great things So I'm gonna sacrifice that part. Oh now I really got to watch it Yeah, I think you'd like it does he still have the piercings in his cheeks and he can open of course But there's a link to that personality is the fact that guys Why do you think people really responded to the first Star Wars movie?

Do you think it was because there's an elaborate mythology and it's really like the characters all have, there's a thousand characters running around? Do you think it was because it's a fun ass movie? It's super fun to watch. And the characters look like they're having fun during a lot of the movie. Yeah.

I feel like people went to see it initially because of the promise of spectacle. But the reason why people, the reason why it endured is because of the fact that it's fun. It's fun. And I think that it was fun spectacle that they were seeing. They weren't seeing,

it wasn't the spectacle of person after person being shot in slow motion sadly with laser blasts. It was, you know, characters running around doing things in big spaceships. And also that was stuff that people had not really seen in a movie at that level, whereas we've seen it, there was novelty to it, I guess is the other thing. But this movie is so unfun, like it's so not fun at all.

And we go to, anyway, they're giving out banners, the descriptions of these characters, as Dan was saying, they imbue a lot of character to these characters that otherwise don't have them. And it's like, oh, this village girl is very probing judge of character since we haven't seen anything that would lead us to believe these. There's a village dance, General Titus sings a song in a made up alien language. And I was thinking, this is the kind of scene you see a lot in John Ford movies, where you just see like a cavalry dance or like people on the frontier kind of partying.

And those function as like a way of saying to you, this is the way people used to live. We're going to live with them for a little bit. Whereas this is all made up science fiction nonsense. Like none of it's real or means anything. So it's not accomplishing the same thing. And I don't think it gives enough flavor. It feels like it's like, it gives you plenty of like vanilla. Yes, and it feels very, that's the thing.

There's nothing specific about it, you know. It's not accomplishing that. I think that in a plot sense, it's trying to be like, here's the calm before the storm. Here's like the last minute, like they're all happy together and they've been accepted into the community and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And then the violence starts.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, I feel like there's such a, that's done so well in like Fiddler on the Roof in the wedding scene, they're dancing, and literally the program starts. The dancing scene sequence isn't as good as Fiddler on the Roof. That's true, but also that like, I don't know,

when something is a, it's harder for me to get, I mean, if you're going to try to get me invested in a rural dancing scene in a made-up science fiction world, the dancing better be good, it better be interesting, like it better be something I haven't seen before, as opposed to it just looks like I'm watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers for a moment. Yeah, I better see Sonic and Tails dancing there a little hard.

And then making out in a corner. Yeah. And then getting pregnant somehow, yeah. So the next day there's a prepping the village. Somehow. It's pretty mapped out. Prepping the village. I mean, I don't know how they do things, but they're prepping the village for battle. There's a whole montage of that.

The villagers all seem like they're already really good with weapons. They put weapons in their hands and they're really good shots. They're really good at chopping the heads off of straw mannequins. There's not a lot of training that has to be done which is good because they know a lot of time They go get chorus crash. Yeah, I mean that's that's the thing is like I There's there's no I mean obviously We know what this movie is going to give us so we know that they're gonna win But like there isn't enough of a feeling that they're like yeah, we're gonna die. Yeah, I like we're not good at this

They're like no everybody's super good at shooting and their guns gonna die. Yeah, I keep, I like- Like, we're not good at this. They're like, no, everybody's super good at shooting and their guns are amazing. Yeah, I hate to- Yeah, you need Axel Rose to come in and be like, you're gonna die. Yes, I do need that. It would be helpful. I hate to keep doing this.

I hate to keep just comparing it to movies that do a better job of this. But if you watch Mulan, it gives you a better sense of like, these people have to shape up and become soldiers. They don't know what they're doing. I mean, that song rules. It's a great song, yeah. As mysterious as the dark side of the moon,

yeah, it doesn't get better than that. But it's just like, we've seen this stuff done in movies so many times, to do it this half-assed is very, is just like, feels lazy to me. Okay, let's keep moving. Because they find Korora's ship, they hide up behind a waterfall. The droid keeps watching from a distance,

does nothing to help anybody at any point. Night falls. He's hoping that someone will bathe in that waterfall at some point. So he's just like a perv droid. Yeah. Where's Sheena where I need her? Yeah, exactly.

Night falls. This is when Titus talks to the heroes. They go around the table and they tell their stories. Every single one of their stories is, the Empire came and destroyed my village or city and so I vowed revenge. It's the same time. Every time. Well, I'm like, when Titus tells his story, so he leads off

and he's like, everybody has to tell the truth, no lies. And I'm like, okay, so people are going to reveal moments of personal weakness. Two truths and a lie is minus one lie. But like, okay, so people are going to reveal moments of personal weakness. He's like, we're playing two truths and a lies minus one lie. But like he, you know, he makes a point of, like his story at least, there's some element where he's like, I'm ashamed that I took away the opportunity for my soldiers to fight back.

I surrendered thinking I was saving them, but in fact I killed them. They were all executed. So there's some element where he's like, look, I made a mistake and I'm ashamed for it. And so I'm trying to atone for that. And everybody else is just like, yeah, I just, the empire is bad, so you're not going to see me run in.

It's funny, he's like the truth, no lies. And it's like, they didn't tell these stories before. Why not? Yeah, there's nothing. I feel like it's all they didn't tell these stories before, why not? Yeah, there's nothing. You can say- I feel like it's all like super surface backs. I feel like part of the thing is that all these characters were picked because they're legendary fighters,

kind of, right? Well, also that set up, and eventually we learned that Jemma and Hansel's character knows who the Scargiver is. Yeah, it's really Althelya, what's her name again? That she killed the, or at least thought she killed the princess, et cetera, et cetera. But him setting it up with no lies is a weird thing to do if not for trying to be like, are you going to tell us about the princess?

Cora, this is your chance. All your princess killing? And Cora doesn't tell them, but she goes, oh, by the way, Titus has been drinking water instead of liquor. Like that's the secret, she reveals, and they're all like, you SOB, you pulled a fast one on us. I love his idea that like, I gotta keep it secret that I found sobriety.

Well, I can understand that he does not want them to know that like he cares enough to stop drinking, I guess. It's like when somebody orders a non-alcoholic drink, like a non-alcoholic beer for me, I often offer them a glass so they don't have to feel like. Well, that's the context of a bar where they feel pure pressure. I don't think anyone's gonna be like, in the context of training for fighting,

they're really like, I think you should be drunk for this. They pick up his glass and they drink it, and they go, Titus, are you pregnant? And you didn't want to tell us? Yeah, love it. Then it would, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is, it is a, it is a, I feel like the characters are not really,

except for Cora having killed a princess, the characters are not allowed to be like, complicated characters. Even Titus's thing was, I made a mistake when I tried to save my men. And like the secret that he's ashamed of is that he's not drinking anymore. Like they have to be heroes and there's no shades of gray.

So she has a nickname presumably given by somebody else where she's called the Scargiver. I mean, if she gave herself the nickname the Scargiver, that would be incredibly uncool. I had a friend. That's like the edge naming himself the Edge. Yeah, I had a friend in high school who tried to give himself the nickname Bones

and we're like, you can write Bones on your baseball cap as much as you want, buddy. Nobody's gonna buy it. But, so somebody else gave her this nickname, and then I think they did that before she was framed for murdering the entire royal family. She was already the scar giver, yeah. Don't you think they would have come up with like

a new, less flattering nickname, like the child killer or something? Supercedes the scar giving, like. Or even the traitor, like the child killer. Superseeds the scar giving. Like the lady regicide that called her. Yeah, like something that like. We are lady regicide, yeah yeah kill that princess out now. Yeah yeah kill the king and queen. Highlighting that she killed, like theoretically killed

the defenseless princess would have been, as opposed to be like a cool name, try and give her a name that she killed, like theoretically killed the defenseless princess would have been as opposed to be like a cool name, try and give her a name that's like diminishes her legend. The faithless or something. Where I can understand it if she was still called the scar giver by rebels, but the royals, like the government called her something different. Then this is more thought than-

She needs more nicknames is what I'm saying. She needs, yeah, she needs better nicknames. C's what I'm saying. She needs a yes She needs better core Arthel Ais. Yeah for her training card there needs to be a space for all of the different Yeah, she has daughter to one character in a Russian novel I mean this is nuts So anyway the next day Cora she hide this one she hides her ship behind a waterfall She encounters James the robot He also feels regret and hopelessness and tells her they can't win because even the robot has to be Dower and serious all the time and it's like guys remember those robots from Star Wars remember remember how

How sad and serious they were I don't yeah, they were super fun How one of them was like a sassy little guy you didn't understand But you knew he was sassy and the other one was real fuss pot Yeah, exactly like remember how remember how those how they instead Remember how they had the cattiest, gayest robots that were ever in a science fiction movie, and we loved it because there was so much personality to them? Yeah. Oh, man.

But instead, this robot is very sad and depressed. It reminds me of Patton Oswalt's bit about the Star Wars prequels where it's like, yeah, remember how cool Darth Vader is? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you see him as a kid and he's sad. Remember Boba Fett? Oh, yeah, yeah, with the helmet and everything? Well, you see him as a kid and he's sad. Like remember Boba Fett? Oh yeah, yeah, with the helmet and everything.

Yeah, you see him as a kid and he's sad. Like it feels like Zack Snyder was like, yeah, that is the way Star Wars should be. Everyone should be sad. So anyway, he's like, you know you can't win, blah, blah, blah. The dreadnought reaches the village and Noble and his lieutenant, they're like,

oh, we can tell from the sky. They arranged the grain for strategic purposes. Why don't we just go to that building where all the women and children held just kidnapped all of them and they decided to do that. Arthelaeus, Cora. So what their plan was, so the reason they had to get that grain cranked out, they had to crank the grain was because they need to have it ready to use it as

both a bargaining chip, which they never really use and as like defensive measure because they're like, the Empire's not going to shoot the grain because they need it, but that does not matter at all. There's like, that is out the window immediately. They're like, just shooting grain. Well, they say the Empire needs this grain. He hates this grain. And as rational actors, they will not destroy the thing they came here for. And we can also use it to hide behind, like sandbags and that yeah is a good strategy if

you're not dealing with Atticus Noble who does not give an F what happens to the grain. He's a wild boy. He's back from the dead with a new attitude. I gotta say you know as much as I was like you don't need to bring the bad guy back from the first movie for the second one he's the only one who seems to be having fun man. Yes that's true he does a lot of Nazi smiling in this movie for the second one. He's the only one who seems to be having fun, man. Yes, that's true. He does a lot of Nazi smiling in this movie, I would call it. And he's got like, he's got possibly the worst haircut I've ever seen.

Like, if I had to look at it, it's like worse than Jim Carrey's in Dumb and Dumber. It's the, I'm sorry if my listeners out there are like, all the Stuart listeners out there, not you guys listening, just the ones who only listen to my voice. Sure, sure, yeah. That are out there that are like like I just got that haircut. I think it looks really cool I'm like, I'm sorry if you went to your barber and asked for the Atticus noble Give me the one where it looks like a bowl cut by way of Hamlet Stuart Have you been releasing a cut of these episodes? That's just your voice

It's a lot of me saying sure and uh-huh. And wowsers. So Korok, she cuts her hair for battle, just like the historical Joan of Arc or the non-historical Furiosa in the movie Furiosa. And it kind of looks like Noble's haircut. So maybe that's like a traditional going into battle haircut from the mother world.

The baddies send out their drop ships and noble lands and he's just taunting Korra. And she goes, leave now or die. And he goes, I think instead I'll destroy the village unless you surrender to me. Uh-oh, it's kind of the same challenge that Titus was given. And Korra is about to surrender when Gunnar, he rings the bell that signals the villagers to attack and the villagers do. that Titus was given. And Korra is about to surrender when Gunnar,

he rings the bell that signals the villagers to attack and the villagers do and Gunnar runs off with Korra and the villagers are just beating the shit out of the bad guys. They're just slaughtering the elite troops of the Imperium. Like it's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they're Fremen and the Sautekar getting their pace up.

Similarly, they're popping up out of the ground, they fire, they go back in again, it's amazing. And laser sword lady, she does some slow-mo laser sword fighting. Why don't the bad guys shoot her instead of fighting her with laser swords? It doesn't matter, it's just supposed to look cool, it doesn't, but she's there defending the women and children

who soldiers have been sent to get back. So the laser sword lady, her name is Nemesis, so I appreciate it if you remembered her cool name Nemesis. The, so she, her backstory revealed that... Played by Duna Bay, who has been in much, much better movies. Yeah. She, in her backstory, she, the Empire screwed her over. So she used laser swords to chop off her own arms,

her hands or wrists or whatever. And then... And to place them with traditional robo-fighting gauntlets. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's kind of cool. I can see that coming down the road. I'm like, I'll think Stuart has a comment here. I think he just thinks it's cool.

If you told me this character has had to cut off her own hands to put on robot hands that are programmed with the techniques of the greatest sword fighters, I'd be like, that's a really cool thing, but it doesn't feel cool in the movie. I wanna- It would've been cool if they did extra stuff. Yeah. Yes. But all they do is sword fight.

They're just hands. Well, the thing is that sword fighting is not mostly in the hands. A lot of it is in the rest of your body and the arms. No, it's all you. Hips, yeah, you got your core swiveling. I'm gonna be the greatest baseball hitter ever. I'll just cut my hands off at the wrists

and then I'll hold the baseball bat better. It's like, well, there's of course the power is coming from the rest of your body. That's just the entire plot of the movie, Rookie of the Year, Elliott. No, no, Dan. No, no, Stewart. Stewart, Dan says, Stewart,

that is his shoulder that gets injured, thus giving him a better throw. He doesn't get his hands cut off and then what, a famous baseball player's hands sewn on like in Howard's Bend the Knee. And then he becomes the best at bunting. He's just a real good bunter. Yeah, they call him Billy Bunter. Just because you bring up the silliness of using the laser swords against... I also, later on when Jimmy shows up, we'll get into it.

Jimmy's going to show up in a couple minutes, yeah. He like beats the shit out of a bunch of space Nazis, like grabs a gun, and then he just like starts whacking people with that gun. I'm like, why aren't you shooting people with that gun or using, I don't know, you must have some sort of robot powers, but instead you're just like- No, he's, with this movie, the hero characters,

and again, maybe it's a way of differentiating them so they look cooler, but like, they'll have like a battle axe, and they'll rush against a bunch of guys with lasers. The guys with lasers will wait until the battle axe guy is close enough to kill them. They will then pick up the gun, shoot a couple of people, throw the gun away,

and then just go back to running at people with a battle axe. And it's so, like it makes sense from a, what would look cool, fighting point of view, but from a fighting point of view, it doesn't really make sense to throw away your distance weapon so that you can run at the guy Who has a distance weapon it would have been cool if like they made any effort into making people fight like differently like the robot Should fight like a cool tough robot as opposed to a robot that does flips and stuff Yeah, they all kind of fight the same way. I mean it's unless he was a circus robot then that would be cool Yeah, robot. Yeah, sure. Yeah So they're fighting fighting fighting

Noble he he just leaves at a certain point It just goes back. Well, you realize that like yeah, he's like this is pointless. I'm gonna just boring I don't watch Robloon part 2 Yeah, one of the heroes jumps into a ship and they fight and double kills him. This guy's name is Den. I only knew that from the captions. He's a local farmer, I guess, who is involved.

Korran Gunner, they fake that their drop ship is injured so that they can be brought back into the dreadnought and saying, oh, we've taken hits. You've got to help us. They weaponize the compassion and very real concern that the soldiers inside show for their injured comrades. This is the most mercy or heartfeltness of any character in the movie.

And it is the bad guys trying to administer medicine. I did bump up against this. Because I'm like, look, I understand that, you know, like they're part of a bad system and this happens in war all the time. But like narratively, I was'm like, look, I understand that, you know, like they're part of a bad system and this happens in war all the time, but like narratively, I was just like, oh, these people are like med people who seem to care about like,

we'll get you put back together, buddy. Like that's what, like it was not like, we'll get you put back together and then you'll be back down there killing those rats. Like, you know. Yeah, we're like, okay, fix them up so that we can throw them in the in the meat vats. So they can be molded into new soldiers.

They're not like orcs. They're not like, oh, meat's on the menu, fellas. Yeah, they're like, they're like, don't worry, buddy, we'll get you. We'll get you patched up. We'll take good care of you. And then, oh, I don't see any actual wounds. And then our heroes just get up and slaughter them. And it's like, yeah, all right.

Well, you really took advantage of their desire to help their fellow man. But that's war, Dan. I mean that that's the thing in Star Wars actually I was gonna say in Star Wars the bad guys are all bad and the good guys are all good But this is more real but in Star Wars the bad guys are not all bad and the heroes kill them all anyway Yeah, we're fighting an army of forced child soldiers. Oh, that's too bad. I guess we have to blow them all up No, you don't have to but anyway on the ground battle battle battle fight fight fight But I mean when it's forced child soldiers versus like carnivorous teddy bears, I feel like I'm going to land on the side of the teddy bears.

Yeah, there's that part. They're adorable. I guess that's true, yeah. The teddy bears have their picnic. They have a little swamp. When they barbecue them. Well, we see, we see them try to barbecue, which one of them was it?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah Blow the flames out. It's great. That's technically a teddy bears Yep, but except and it wasn't fully beneath the trees. It was the tops of trees, right? I guess it's beneath the canopy but uh, so there's a lot of fighting. It's very somber very serious heavy strings coral music This movie is treating this battle between a fictional future space empire and a fictional farming planet with all the seriousness it deserves.

The same kind of seriousness you would expend on a real battle that actually happened. And the late sword lady dies, the heroes briefly think they have won, but then the baddies send another wave of troops in with like a stumpy laser tank mech. It's like a tank that shoots lasers and it walks on four stumpy legs and they act as if this is the scariest thing

they've ever seen and it looks kind of adorable. Like it looks really goofy. Yeah, it kind of looks like one of those like tiny water bears, one of those tiny little things. Tardigrades, yeah, it looks like a tardigrade. A big tardigrade with a laser on it. Korra and Gunnar, they're on the dreadnought. They split up.

Korra's going to go set explosive charges in the engine room on this big glowy piece of machinery that the subtitle, that the captions told me was called the Neuro Link. And Gooner's supposed to go get a ship so they can escape. Battle, battle, battle. The lady who was upset that Bloodaxe got killed in the last movie, she blows up the mech tank.

Noble, he's like, ah, the Scargivers on the ship. Lieutenants, fire on the village. And they're like, but our own soldiers are there. He's like, I don't care. Just fire the cannon, destroy them all. But what about the grain? Well, if we kill our own men, we'll have fewer mouths to feed, won't we?

Because all he cares about is getting Korra. Battle, battle, battle. The Space Prince, remember him? He gets a little speech about not wanting to die in battle, but he will if he has to. It's the least necessary speech I've ever seen in a war movie ever. Another Tank Mech shows up, but James the Robot,

Jimmy the Robot shows in more solemn men's choral singing to justify, celebrate the sacred moment when a robot starts fighting a tank. Ha ha ha. And blows up a tank. When Jimmy gets shot, so there's like goo, that glowy goo that comes out. I couldn't tell whether that's plasma

from the weapon that is on him or whether it's like robot blood. But either way, it didn't seem to really hurt him. I think it's just hot plasma, because he just wipes it off. It doesn't seem to bother him. And again, as a metal, as a military robot, the hardest of hardened killers,

he does a lot of punching and flipping guys over. Eventually he gets a gun and he shoots people. So, back up the dreadnought. Gunnar has started the escape ship, but Korra gets found by Admiral Noble. Well, I kept wanting to call Admiral Nibbles, but it's Admiral Noble. Yeah, it's fun.

Aw, that's a good pet name. Yeah, the Dreadnaught is about to fire its can at the village when the bombs in the engine room go off. It takes these guys forever to recognize that there are bombs covering the engine. They're just with a Neuralink or whatever. They're just looking at them, and it's not till- Well, I mean, the Neuralink's the last place

you check for bombs, dude. That's true. Even though you know that K coral was just in the engine room Do you like that the engine room of this space dreadnought is like an old-timey steamship? There are guys with shovels shoveling coal into the furnaces, which is a cool It's a little like it. I like it less when Cora just starts murdering them and they're fighting her and it's like we have a laser A gun they have shovels like this is you're, again, you're not the hero in this situation. But I do like that idea.

That's a nice anachronistic idea. The bombs go off, it knocks the trajectory of the shot off so the cannons don't hit the village. They just hit, I guess, the village on the other side of the planet. So this is one of those, it's like a whole planet where there's just like 40 people who live in a village together

and there's nobody else there. As the dreadnought falls from the sky, Korra has her rematch with Noble. It goes on for a long time. This is a long fight and not in a fun, they live long fight way. I found it just to mean a kind of numbing, yeah, they're still fighting, I guess, in a way. Eventually, Noble is choking Korra, which allows Gunnar to stab him with a laser sword and then she chops his head off, hopefully never to be revived again. They escape the crash in Dreadnaught in a Noble is choking Korra which allows Gunnar to stab him with a laser sword and then she chops his head off Hopefully never to be revived again. They escape the crash and dreadnought in a drop strip that they also crash and Gunnar is badly injured and he's like Korra

I love you and a fleet of rebel ships led by Deborah blood axe they come in they start fighting all the bad guy fighters and There's one alien Yeah, everyone cheers. Thank God Deborah Bloodaxe is here. The character that I definitely remember existed. I mean, it's a character more of a name than anything. Yeah, and Gunnar dies, well, Korra cries. Now just to clarify, Deborah Bloodaxe is not related

to the Bloodaxe clan of space orcs. That's a completely different thing, although they are kind of rebellious. Thank you for making that clear. Now, what about Moonbloodgood? Are they related? That's a really cool actor's name. Yeah, okay. Blood is good guys. It keeps us alive. Yeah, I mean, it goes beyond good, just necessary. Yeah. Well, I didn't realize I was doing a podcast with a couple of Dracula's. It's good to have in your body.

Yeah, this is a vampire PSA. Blood's good. I'm Dracula for blood. Does the body good? And then he has a blood mustache, yeah. There's a commercial where a kid vampire is looking at his future self in the mirror and then his girlfriend shows up in the mirror

and he goes like, oh, I better drink this blood now It's gonna get strong. Only 90s kids remember or 80s. I can't remember what that was. I mean he wouldn't even show up in the fucking mirror dude. He's a vampire. Yeah he's a vampire. Actually he shouldn't be looking in the mirror. Yeah. So the villagers so they win a bunch of people die the villagers hold a funeral pyre for those who died and Cora admits to everybody she's, I lied about who I was. I assassinated the princess. And Titus goes, I always knew,

but you didn't assassinate the princess because she's still alive. And I figured I wasn't gonna tell you until this was all over. And Titus says, you want to- I need you to be powered by regret. Distract you. I figured you wouldn't fight as well if you didn't think you had something to prove.

He says, your mission now is to find the princess and fight. And people are like, I'll find the princess and fight alongside you. And they say the phrase, find her and fight. So many times they go, find her and fight. Find her and fight? And finally, even James the robot, and Cora goes, to find her and fight and accepts her quest.

That's the end of part two. Now, here's the thing. I thought that this was originally a trilogy and I was like, okay, so part three will be finding the princess. No, no, no, this was originally a trilogy and they split part one into two parts and they plan to do the same

for the other parts of the trilogy. So this will be a six chapter series. So who knows when they'll find this princess if they ever finish this thing. Guys, from what you've seen, do you think this will carry a six movie series? Well, I mean, here's the thing. If they keep going at this rate, but maybe by the sixth movie, I'll kind of like that

one. I'll just barely edge its way into likeability. But I don't think this was... It's kind of like the Saw franchise where if you watch enough of them, you're like, ugh. I hate these, but there's something about the, there's something about the way they, like, do the big reveal at the end with the music

that I can't help but love. Yeah, I try, I try, I try to get on that train. It didn't happen to me. It's, I don't recommend it. I was only able to do it, I think, because I was like, I was like bedridden for two days. So I'm like, I'm going to make my life worse. What would Jigsaw do to me in this situation?

He'd make me watch the Saw movies when I can't leave my head. I heard you were doing that. I'm like, I'm a follower, maybe I'll do that too. And then Stuart, I can talk about Saw, then I'm like, no. You tapped out like super fast. I'm like, no thanks.

Dan, Dan, you're not just a follower. You can be a leader sometimes too. Thank you, friends. No, I don't think that this, I don't think these movies were like particularly successful for Netflix. I mean, certainly based on the budget that they had. I mean, these movies are expensive.

I don't understand why. I mean, Netflix just announced another movie that they're spending like $300 million on. And so one of the things where it's like, Netflix, you will not be able to get that money back. Well, not this way. You've already dipped your finger, or dipped your finger, dipped your toe in like-

Dip something. You dipped something in the world of theatrical distribution because you put things out just to get like- For awards, yeah. Awards qualifying runs or whatever. But I don't know if you're going to do this blockbuster shit, why not actually put them out in theaters where movies still can make money

and then you are vertically integrated or whatever so you can be like, and then once it's done, you can only see it on Netflix, like that's gonna be its home, you know? Like I don't understand the model where we're like, we're gonna do blockbusters, but just for, you know, absolutely. This movie is not as exciting.

Something like Rebel Moon Part Three, I don't think is gonna get people to be like, what's this Netflix thing you're hearing about? Yeah, I gotta subscribe to this thing so I can see the third Rebel Moon. Now here's the thing, so this movie, so according to Wikipedia Wikipedia the budget for the two movies together was a hundred and sixty six million dollars That's a lot of money But that's not as much as I thought it was to get two movies out of that is it's not bad

But to get these two movies out of it is Is always bad. Yeah, the whole concept behind this was what like I'm gonna give you a more mature Harder edged version of Star Wars, right and, I've anything I find it less mature and less harder-edged than Star Wars. Like, it's so... It feels so, like, meaningless. It's so fluffy and meaningless. Like, it's like a Styrofoam movie. And the... It just feels very... It feels weird that someone like Zack Snyder who can make whatever he wants, like, this is what he does. It feels very like, you know, do you guys remember when Anakin killed all those younglings?

That was brutal. That was hard edged. Now, if it was a styrofoam movie, though, like a sort of Michelle Gondry version of Rebel Moon, then I might like that. I might be on. If it was made, everything was really made out of styrofoam. But like when she cuts her, she's like, I had to cut my hands off to put robot hands on. It's like, yeah, I saw that in Star Wars.

And it was a lot harder edged when a guy cut his son's hand off while they were fighting. It feels very, it feels maybe that they're not accomplishing their stated mission with this movie. I think that's fair. Let's get into final judgements, whether it's a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie we kinda like.

Again, it's a Rebel Moon movie, even if I liked it slightly better personally than the last one, like being the best Rebel Moon movie is not a- Damningly praised, yeah. I actually like this one less than the first one. Yeah, no, and I can see that too. I can see that version of it where it's like,

at least we see a bunch of different stuff in the first one than this one that kind of stays in one place. This was essentially one giant battle scene is almost, is the vast majority of the movie. And it's a very, it's not like, say what you will about the like Lord of the Rings of the Hobbit movies where they're like, those battle scenes are inflated,

but there's lots of different things going on. The characters are doing different stuff like. There's a dwarf riding a goat or whatever. Yeah, whereas this is just kind of the same stuff over and over again. And it's all muted colors and kind of blah, you know. And either, look, either way, bad bad is my answer, but like also,

like Zack Snyder is a guy where like, I feel like we shit on him a lot. And the thing is like, I feel like he had, he had potential, he had potential. I'm not like, like I think he could do a good movie, but he's gone so far down this road that is the wrong road. And he's not going to get, he's not going to get better because he's only been lauded for it

by a bunch of weirdos on the internet. So I don't know. When he first came on the scene, 300 was a movie that I genuinely really liked a lot of. I thought the politics of it were kind of gross. Gross, yeah. But it was like, oh, I feel like I'm watching a movie

that is just one heavy metal album cover after another being shown at me, and I kind of liked that that But then it was like the imagination of that gave way to like I'm just gonna do this I'm gonna do the stylistic things over and over again, but not yeah Not doing the different and he's a and he was adapting a Something that existed that fit his style That's one of his more successful like the dawn of the dead is one of his more successful than that as a James Gunn script I think that he needs I mean say what you will about his watchmen, like The Dawn of the Dead is one of his more successful than that, as a James Gunn script. I think that he needs collaborators. Say what you will about his Watchmen, which is not a great movie, but it certainly is,

I certainly like it more than his recent stuff, and I think you're right, maybe he's a guy who can bring an extreme style to an adaptation, but is not at his best with original material, you know? Oh, I'm going to say it's a bad, bad movie. I think it's tough to say which Rebel Moon I like better or less. At least the first one kind of has a twist. So that's, I guess, kind of interesting. And there were more aliens. So I guess, well, that Charlie Hunnam was betraying them.

Oh yeah, that's true. There's a betrayal, yeah. So there's like some friction between characters. There's a character that we don't know if they're good or bad. I am gonna... It's strange when I'm not on the same page as you guys, but love it, 100%. Great movie.

My favorite of the year. It's gonna be hard to beat. It's the top of my list. No, I also think it's a bad-man movie. I found it to be so... It's just top of my list. No, I also think it's a bad-man movie. I found it to be so, it's just so like boring and there's no, it's so unimaginative. And I feel like I've wasted a little bit of the time I have, limited time I have to spend on this earth

watching it. And the only thing that puts a smile on my face is that the movies that I watched right before this meant so much to me that I'm like, okay, good, at least my average is I'm watching more movies that are interesting than movies like this in my life. You know, like you watched like what Leonard part six. Leonard part six ghost ad all the all the Bill Cosby movies. He's great. Anyway, what's he been up to? I haven't heard, I haven't checked the news in about 30 years. Oh no. No, he's terrible. He's a monster.

But yeah, I would say, so definitely, crawl, don't run. Crawl. To see Rebel Moon Part 2. Hello, Podcast Recommendation Service. Hello there, young man. I'm looking for a new podcast to listen Service. Hello there young man. I'm looking for a new podcast to listen to. Something amusing perhaps. Oh, what about Beef and Dairy Network?

Something surreal and satirical. Well, I would suggest Beef and Dairy Network. Ideally, it would be a spoof industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries. Yes, Beef and Dairy Network. Maybe it would have brilliant guests such as Josie Long, Heather Ann Campbell, Nick Offerman and the actor Ted Danson. Beef and Dairy Network. I don't know, I think I'm going to stick to Joe Rogan.

The Beef and Dairy Network podcast is a multi-award winning comedy podcast and you can find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Somewhere in an alternate universe where Hollywood is smarter. And the Emmy nominees for outstanding comedy series are Jet Pakula, Airport Marriott, Frepple, Dear America We've Seen You N. And, Allah in the family. In our stupid universe, you can't see any of these shows, but you can listen to them on Dead Pilot Society, the podcast that brings you hilarious comedy pilots that the networks and streamers bought but never made. Journey to the alternate television universe

of Dead Pilot Society on MaximumFun.org. Hey, this podcast has sponsors, and this week the podcast is sponsored in part by Factor. It's summer, guys, it's summer. There's all this stuff going on. You gotta go to the beach where you're gonna get on. You're gonna be in one of those. You in one of those pyramids of water skiers. Gotta do it.

You gotta do it, you gotta, like, then you gotta, I don't know, open up the municipal pool and swim some laps. You both manage the pool and you gotta swim in there. Yeah, I mean, that's why you manage it, so you can get that time. And Dan, have you ever experienced a summer? I'm not sure, but the point is you gotta get one of those beach dogs that you can put sunglasses on, like a bandana around his neck.

Yeah, and then he's gotta get a copper-toned shirt. Yeah. That's a cool dog. Point is, for all this, you're gonna need some fuel. You gotta fuel up for summer with factors. No prep, no mess meals, ready to eat in just two minutes. See, that's where that was all leading to factor. Oh yeah.

With 35. So logically, looking back now, I'm amazed I didn't see the clues. Mr. Policeman, I gave all of them to you. With 35 different meals and more than 60 add-ons to choose from every week, you'll always have new flavors to explore. Now, Dan, I don't have to eat all 35 meals at the same time, right? Because that's a little too much for me. No, no, no, no.

You can space them out. Recommended one per meal time. Make your day delicious. From breakfast to dessert, stay fueled. There's that word again with easy, nutritious options. Enjoy effortless support for your lifestyle. You can choose from six menu preferences to help you manage calories, maximize protein intake,

avoid meat, or simply just eat well balanced. I've had some of these factor meals. I am not a fussy eater in that I will eat anything, but I'm a critical eater of quality. I'm like, is this good? Is this good what I'm eating? Let me think about it. I like these factor meals

I think they're high quality particularly extra high quality knowing that like they come prepared. You don't have to worry about it It was a nice break when I had one of these You know in the fridge to just you know toss in the oven or microwave or however. I chose to reheat that day We were sent we were sent factorals and I only got to have a little bit of it because my wife tried one and was like, okay, well this is what I'm gonna have for lunch at work every day now. And so she enjoyed them a lot.

I like the ones I had, you know. But that shows you that if you get them, you gotta, it's like the Trix rabbit or something is around and might try to take them from you because they're that good. So if you're interested, head to factormails.com slash flop50 and use code flop50 to get 50% off your first box

plus 20% off your next month. That's code flop50 at factormails.com slash flop50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month while your subscription is Active and I actually think that's all we got to plug in less I think I like that I like that the code is flop 50 because it means that we're gonna be doing the show for 50 years I don't know if you want to mention Hercules or something

I just want people that my Hercules comic series from Dynamite Comics is in comic book stores now. As this episode is coming out, I think the fourth issue is about to come out. It's Further Adventures for Disney's Hercules. You know him from the movie Hercules, and now he's starring in the comic book Hercules. And it's all going to, I'm writing the final issue of it right now actually. And these, the individual stories are gonna build till it gets to a big epic conclusion. And don't worry, you're gonna get to know

each of these characters before the big epic conclusion. So you're gonna care about them when it happens. Was writing these issues laborious? Oh. Cause of Hercules, right? It actually wasn't, I'm having a lot of fun right now. Now, Elliot, I don't want to depress sales of individual issues.

Yeah, thanks, appreciate it. But will these ever be collected? This is just for my personal interests. I believe they will be collected, but modern comics today, often the sales of the individual issues will justify the sale of a collection. So I hope it sells well enough

that it can be collected in the future, because I think it'll read really well as a collection. But it also reads well month to month. And then hopefully it'll come out in some big oversized artist format with little notes in the margins by Elliot Kalin and the artist. And I also want to mention I do another podcast, 99% invisible breakdown, the Power Broker with Roman Mars. We're breaking down the greatest book about municipal corruption and also municipal infrastructure ever written, the Power Broker, going over to the 99% invisible feed, but finish this

episode first. Yeah, don't get confused people. Here's the thing. Similar stuff, similar levels of content. It's kind of its own podcasts, but it is within the 99% invisible feed. It's all the same feed. I thought you were gonna say it's kind of like the flop house.

Well, it kind of is. I mean, like, I'm amazed at how, honestly, the degree to, like, the number of, like, silly jokes you get in there that Roman allows, and not only allows, but laughs at. He likes it, yeah. Amazes me. Against all odds. Yep, I still wanna make it fun and entertaining. I mean, the book is amazing, but gotta make it entertaining.

And it's like, I get to take over the 99% invisible feed once a month and tell people the greatest bedtime story ever told, the life of Robert Moses. Let us go on to letters from listeners. Listeners like you, perhaps, did you write this letter? This letter is from Monte, last name withheld. So if you're Monte, maybe you wrote this letter.

And I apologize, right at the top, there are gonna be a couple of Russian names in here that I probably will not say correctly. And perhaps my friends can help me with them or maybe no one knows, but anyway. It's pronounced Boris Badinov, Dan. Monty last name withheld, right? Zina Onatop.

She was Onatop, wasn't she? Normally you're, sorry, I was just thinking of a James Bond villain called Boys On A Side. Anyway. Normally your podcast is my go-to for accurate Russian revolutionary history. So you can imagine my dismay when the episode for Argyle, Elliot repeatedly referred to the anarchist hacker character

as Bukharin. I thought this might have been a screenwriting goof, but IMDB confirms the character is actually called Bakunin. As I hardly need to tell you, Bakunin was an anarchist, philosopher, and political rival of Karl Marx, while Bukharin was a Bolshevik and leading economist of the Soviet Union. However, it's understandable these two might get mixed up, their names sound similar, and both have a lot to do with the question of Marxism and the peasantry in Russia. Bakunin, again, I don't know if I'm saying this right, believed Marxism would lead to a minority dictatorship of industrial workers over the peasantry, while Bukharin knew economic

policy was in part driven by the need to shore up the worker-present alliance, which had been strained by the extremities of civil war. I'm sure this is a one-time slip up and you'll be back to the usual high level of academic rigor the Flophouse is known for in no time. That's from Monty. So.

Thank you for the correction, Monty. I apologize. That's exactly it. I just got their names mixed up and I do get them mixed up probably because they were both wrong. It ended up turning into a dictatorship of one dude over everybody.

And I gotta say, thank you for sending in a correction and still listening to the show and having the patience for us to be better. Okay, not throwing your phone to a lake because of our lack of accurate. I mean, it hurts you more than anything else. You just gotta get a new phone. It's just like in Goodfellas.

It's just like they'd spit on the ground, spit on their own carpets when the FBI would come by. I can't imagine that, spitting on your own carpet. Yeah, that is why I would. So this is from Andrew Last Name Withheld. Who writes? Andrew WK. Oh man, this prepares for some good party vibes. Hi, Pete. Wow. Oh, man. This is a prepare for some good party vibes.

Yeah. Hi, Peaches. We wanted to thank you for not one but two recent references to our favorite obscure creature, the tapir. It may feel like a toss to side remark to you, but our hearts flood with joy when you hear you mention these strange ancient things that are not quite an elephant, not quite a donkey, but man. Anyway we even live and work in the rainforest with field biologists who hear the word tapir

and have no idea what we're talking about or when we show them photos of our tapir friend at the animal rescue. They are somewhat rightfully confused about what they're looking at. So we really appreciate the representation. Since you all seem to be feller, feller, fello, sorry, fellers. We are fellers. We are fellers, yeah.

Good fellers. We're not good fellers. Good fellers. Be like, what would that be like the sort of a farm mafia? Good fellers would be like a rural mob. Yeah, yeah, like a justified type mob, yeah. Uh-huh, like we're living in a holler. TM, TM, TM.

Since you all seem to be- TM it, Dan. What are you TMing, justified? I hate to bring it to you. T.D. get there first. Since you all seem to be fellow tapir connoisseurs, we have also created a taper-tacular television and film quiz for your enjoyment.

So I'm glad that we had a plot light movie We have also created a taper-tacular television and film quiz for your enjoyment. So I'm glad that we had a plot light movie so we could get to this quiz, which I actually cut from a previous episode for time. So here we go. Taper quiz, question one. There are at least four movies featuring tapirs that have been nominated for an Oscar. Two of one Oscars which are they further hint winners from 1968 2022 and nom from 1974 and 2006 out of Africa well it didn't it didn't win

but there's a tapir in 2001 a space Odyssey that's one of them okay and that's it I don't know so we don't know. Yeah, so we got 2001 Odyssey they say despite the fact that I was there a tapir on to on board the Titanic Could be in the crowd scenes despite the fact that Is not as one of the only continents tapirs never existed on they needed a weird prehistoric creature that looks like a food source that current people didn't really know about to interact with the early humans, so that accounts for them in 2001. And Papillon, I don't know. There's a tapir in Papillon, I've seen that one.

Yeah, there's a clip of a sleepy tapir knocking over its own water bucket. It's pretty cute, they said to YouTube. Apocalypto, they say that they never saw this, but know that there is an extended scene about eating tapir balls. That was, that's right. Okay, that's right, because they trick him into doing it

as like a prank. That's right, they're hazing him. Yeah, yeah. And apparently in Encanto, there also are some animated ones. I remember the tapir in Encanto. Well, Dan, I'm going to ask you to forward me this email. Okay.

Because listeners, I don't remember if I mentioned it, but tapirs are big in my household because they are my younger son's favorite animal. We talk about tapirs a lot. He is a big fan of the tapir at the LA Zoo who is named Mojito. And he, if there's a book about tapir... I bet he's got some pretty good vibes right there. He must. Yeah.

He's pretty laid back tapir. I mean, most tapirs are pretty laid back. And there's a tapir in Nashville that there's a picture book about. So my younger son's always like, can we go to Nashville someday? And I'm like, yeah, I've heard it's a real fun city. He goes, I really want to meet that tapir. So to him, Nashville is tapir city. There are two other questions and a bonus.

They're shorter than that first one. Okay, but send me this email. I will. When the episode's over. There is one NSFW video attached to this. With a tapir in it? Well, we'll get into it. And we'll show them that one. In some cultures, tapirs represent a mythological creature

called a baku or mo. According to legend, they were created by the spare pieces that were left over when the gods finished creating all other animals and it devours human dreams. The sad movie, Hello Tapir from 2020, features a relationship between a young boy and Baku's and was made in what country? What country?

The answer, I see it on your face, you don't have it, is Taiwan. Oh. I was just trying to remember what countries tapirs show up in, because they're only in Asian South America, right? Yeah. And fucking Nashville, dude. Well, I mean, that's in a zoo.

By Malaysian director Ketsvin Lee. I probably butchered that, but that's what I can do. Prince Gaspian, yeah. Question three, there's a Pokemon modeled after a Baku Tapir. Which is it? And for extreme bonus points, which film did it appear in? I mean, one of the Pokemon movies, I assume. I assume it wasn't Love Live Leading. No.

Any idea which? It wasn't Drive-In Dolls, right? Yeah. Well, it's Drive-Away Dolls. Oh, Drive-Away Dolls. No? Any idea which? It wasn't drive-in dolls, right? Yeah. Well, it's drive-away dolls. Oh, drive-away dolls. Oh yeah, drive-in dolls is when they go to movies. Have you caught them all? Do you know which one this is? From your Pokemon training? I don't know, is it Snorlax? That sounds right.

Pretty close. It's Drowsy. Oh, Drowsy. What was that, right? Is it Detective Peter? No, Drowsy appears in the 2019 remake of Pokemon Muto Strikes Back Evolution. Oh, right. I was going to say Pokemon Muto Strikes Back remake. I think Muto was involved somewhere, yeah. Muto's the one with the like, big old ass, right? Yes, and a long tail, and big big feet, like a kangaroo bottom.

Dan, you gotta check this one out. Okay, I gotta look at it. It's probably the NSFW element of this. Except Mewtwo, it's not the sexiest Pokemon. Who y'all know is, because I did a presentation about this not too long ago, Salazzle. Uh-huh, yeah. Look at the pictures of her on her card,

and you're like, is this Pokemon coming onto me? Like, what's going on? Wait, hold on. How do you spell this? S-a-l-a-z-z-a-l-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a-z-a doing a split, so that, yeah. Drowzee appears in the 2019 remake of Pokemon Muto Strikes Back Evolution. In the remake, the pirate trainer who battles Ash has a Drowzee instead of a Golem. This change, or Golem, this change may have been made to fix a continuity error from the original movie where Pikachu defeats Golem with a Thunderbolt,

even though Golem is a ground type and should be immune to electric attacks. So are we not talking about tapirs anymore? What's going on in this letter? I don't know, we're just talking about what's going on in the tapirs. We may need a heavier editorial hand in this one. Okay, well, okay, bonus question.

This isn't movie related. Oh, perfect. But tapirs are the mammal with the largest what compared to body size. The largest what compared to body size the largest what compared to body size I'm I mean the thing is they've got like a little trunk But it shouldn't be that because I imagine elephants still have a bigger nose to body size, right? Uh-huh. Well, that's what we're called that I warned that tweeners something may not be safe for work and that is indeed There's a there's a there's a video included here.

The penis is fully the same length as the leg. It is a real fifth leg situation. So it can lift itself up on it. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, probably. Yeah, jacking with a tapir penis means a different thing. It's like like car jack. Anyway, so that's our letter section.

Oh wow, we love a lot about tapirs and Pokemon. We really did. I think that's a lot of good information. It's an educational. A lot of good information that I'm gonna share with my son. Maybe not the last part. I mean, no.

I mean, it's kind of the most fascinating part in a way. I don't know if it's necessarily gonna be the most fascinating to him, but Let's recommend movies movies that we watch that might be a better use of your time I'll kick us off with the other movie that I teased before Before we watch fair game. We watched a movie that has a it shares a title unfair with No, it shares a title. Unfair Game. No, it shares a title with another slightly more famous movie, even though that one also was not that successful,

but it's not that one. It's called Last Man Standing from 1995. It is not the, I think 1994 Bruce Willis movie. Walter Hill, yeah. Yeah, it's not that one. This one, it was a direct to video action film. This was the Tim Allen sitcom, Last Man Standing? Yeah, Dan's recommending a sitcom.

Classic Dan. Dan doesn't believe in the rules, yeah. That was the sitcom that the liberals were frightened of, right? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. No, this one stars Jeff Wincott. It has a sort of brief supporting role from Jonathan Banks, of course, beloved character

actor Jonathan Banks. And? Oh, and it has a... Who is it? Jonathan Fuller? Jonathan Fuller, aka Georgio from Castle Freak Baby Yeah, but I was amazed by this movie basically because it like in terms of Practical stunt action sequences it has some really really fun ones really impressive ones

Particularly with the direct-to-video Budget they must have been working with. They have a scene where they do a reverse on the LA freeway chase that is, you know, it is no shame to say it is not as good as To Live and Die in LA, but it gives it a run for its money on a DTV budget. I was really impressed by it. And it also, it kicks off with a chase sequence where so much glass is just broken unnecessarily. Like any pane of glass you see in the frame

will be broken by this. I do think Run for Its Money is a good alternate title for To Live and Die in LA. Yeah. Anyway, it's probably a little hard to track down. I don't know, maybe it's on Tubi or something, but Last Man Standing, 1995. I think I threw it up on Just Watch

and it was like rentable somewhere, maybe. It's, I mean, it's a lot of fun. It's a tight 96 minutes. It has a really wacky closing freeze frame. If that's the kind of thing you like, you'll like it. Speaking my language, Dan. As soon as he texted, Dan texted me immediately after watching it, I'm assuming.

Yeah. I was hooked. I was like, this is for Stu. I know Stu loves his straight to video action. I'm going to recommend a movie that unfortunately is basically going straight to video because not enough of you people went out and saw it. I'm going to recommend a movie that unfortunately is basically going straight to video because not enough of you people went out and saw it. I'm going to recommend George Miller's Furiosa,

A Mad Max Saga. Have you guys seen Furiosa yet? I did see Furiosa. I did indeed. If there's a movie I'm going to make time to go see in the theater. It's a George Miller Mad Max movie for sure. And it's, man, it's so much fun. George Miller understands that like that's why you go to the fucking movies, man.

And it's like, it's not quite Fury Road It's not like the tightness of of very singular linear action sequence of a movie But it's yeah, it's great and you see stuff you haven't seen before and edge of your seat non-stop high octane thrill ride and Chris Hemsworth is having the time of his life Yeah, I was a big favorite of his is my favorite of his performances by far. Yeah. In this movie.

I said something similar to this on Letterboxx, but I feel like I saw a lot of sort of like grumbles of like, and I'm not, you know, like you liked it, so I'm not saying this to you, but like a lot of grumbles of like, well, it's no Fury Road. And my reaction was like, oh, it's not one of the best action movies ever.

It's just fucking amazing, boo hoo. And it's different. No movie set in that world is gonna pack the punch that Fury Road had, where it felt like this thing is coming out of nowhere and you just don't expect how intense and how amazing it is. But it's still great. The movie wisely doesn't try to be in the same vein.

It's like, let's do something else within this universe. And yeah. But it feels like it's within, it's a different thing within that universe, but still feels of a piece with that universe. It doesn't feel like now he forgot what was good about Free Road. And it's just, it's worth seeing, if only just to see all the costumes look amazing,

the different vehicles will look amazing. But you're like, well, I've seen every vehicle they can throw at me. And then by the end of the movie, they're riding a motorcycle that's made out of a mannequin torso. And you're like, what? Yeah, you're like, well, I've seen every vehicle they can throw at me. And then by the end of the movie, they're riding a motorcycle that's made out of a mannequin torso. And you're like, what? Yeah, you're like, oh, yeah.

Yeah, I've seen the Octoboss right around on his flying contraption. What about this guy? Have you seen this guy who's like flying like a kite from the back of a motorcycle? That's what I'm saying. Haven't seen it. It's yeah, it's yeah. I really love that movie. I would have recommended it, except I thought one of you had recommended it already.

But I guess not. I guess that's why it's not a huge hit. I had to double check. Yeah. Because we didn't get the plop house bump. Yeah. On the other hand, I think it's gonna be, what, rentable or purchasable online soon, so.

I mean, it'll live forever. The thing is, Fury Road was not a huge hit when it came out. No, no, I mean, I don't, I feel like none of the Mad Max movies, except for maybe Road Warrior, like maybe the first two were hits, but like, luckily this one was subsidized so hugely by the Australian government that it did make a little bit of money.

That's good. I feel like the, we are living in a world now where hit is no longer relative to budget, instead it's just huge numbers. So like Mad Max and Road Warrior, when they came out to the United States, Mad Max, Mad Max 2, as they're known in Australia, like they were surprise hits, but it wasn't like they were in the top five movies

of the year, they just made a lot of money compared to their budgets. Well, also everything now is so tied to Opening Awakened in a way that like is slowly killing the film industry. So like, yeah, longevity, this will have a long tail. Yeah, like Elliot said, this is gonna live forever. It's a movie that I am really looking forward to rewatching soon and like discovering new things

I missed the last time. I missed them because I was in a theater where there were two people talking the entire movie. Oh, that's too bad. I was not. But I'm sure there's details I miss just because it's so packed with detail, you know. It's so... Anyway, I really like to do it. But that's not what I'm here to recommend. Oh, but I figured I'd like to recommend... So Rebel Moon is ostensibly a science fiction movie, right?

Like it's supposed to be a sci-fi action epic. And I thought I'd recommend two movies that I saw recently, one I had not seen before, one I've seen many times, that are also science fiction, but give you a different idea of what science fiction can do and are arguably better movies than Rebel Moon Part II The Scargiver. I'm intrigued.

Dan, should I start with the movie that our viewers, listeners may not have seen, or should I start with a movie that our listeners have not have seen or should I start with the movie that our listeners have probably seen, but should watch again? Start with the probably seen and then go obscured. Okay, so on Father's Day, I went with my children and my wife, we went to the local movie theater, Vidiots.

They were showing a little movie called ET, the Extraterrestrial. Ah, yes. Which at one point, the most successful movie, dollar money wise in the history of movies, but a surprising number of people, I feel like have not seen it in the year since then. And watching it again, I hadn't seen it in a couple of years

since we showed it to my older son. And watching it again- I assumed you hadn't seen it since childhood, since you were so annoyed at being bedeviled by people. I can't blame the movie for that. It's too good a movie. And just watching it, it's like, all the things that I am frustrated about with a movie like Rebel Moon, ET just watching it, it's like, all the things that I am frustrated about

with a movie like Rebel Moon, E.T. does so beautifully, where it's like, I feel like I know these characters, where they live and how they live and who they are feels specific and yet universal because specific. The movie takes so much time to get you into the hearts of these characters before like action-y type stuff happens.

And it all means something. You know, it's all... Yeah, before E.T. shows up and starts flipping and flipping blinds heads open. before like action-y type stuff happens and it all means something. You know, it's all- Yeah, before ET shows up and starts flipping and flipping blinds heads. Or he uses his laser sword to just cut guns out of the hands of FBI agents. Yeah, he just starts blasting.

And replace them with walkie talkies. Yeah, and it's just like the, and it is such a powerful movie. Like it toys with your emotions so hard, but it does it so well. And like we showed it to my older son a couple of years ago and he got so upset, but then really loved it. We showed to my younger son It was so overwhelming to him

He got so upset but in the way that a movie makes you upset when you are when a sad thing happens in it and you are overwhelmed by it and like It's so at like every time I see this movie and there I'm like, yeah There's like it's this is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen and it's a story about an alien who becomes friends with a kid Which is a dumb idea for a plot in some ways. But it's because it's all, it is consistently hitting the emotion of the characters rather than like, oh, we've gotta make sure

there's a lot of like running and gunning, you know, and stuff like that. So it just does such a good job of being, and also this is not like an art movie. This is a huge blockbuster movie. Like this is the most middle of the road storytelling you can get. And it's just done so well that like you're crying

by the end of it. So ET, if you haven't seen it a long time, I recommend you go back and watch it. If you've never seen it, you should go see it. Just be ready to cry. And the movie that you may not have seen, which is- I'm ready. Dan's always ready to cry.

That's the secret. He's always ready. The other movie you're ready. Dan's always ready to cry. That's the secret. He's always ready. Yeah. The other movie is also a science fiction movie, also from 1982. And I kind of am imagining a science fiction double feature in 1982 of ET and then the movie Liquid Sky, the independent science fiction film

that is partly doubles as a portrait of a certain early eighties New York downtown kind of art scene, but is also the story of tiny aliens that live in a tiny flying saucer and are attracted to the chemicals of heroin use, but even more than that are addicted to the chemicals of orgasm and have to kill men in order to retrieve it.

And it's such a beautiful looking movie in terms of like 80s new wave type look. And it's such a strange movie that kind of operates on a downtown dream logic, you know? And not a movie that everyone will like. It's got this great electronic score. There's also a very simple score, but it's another example of like,

this is as much or more of a science fiction movie than Rebel Moon, and it was made for one 320th of the money. And it feels so indelible. I'll be remembering images from this movie for the rest of my life, and performances from it for the rest of my life when I've forgotten that Rebel Moon existed.

I saw this just out of college in an era where it was like, it was much harder to find oddball movies in general. I heard about years before I ever got to see it. This movie in particular, but now it is on the Criterion Channel's synth scores collection, as well as being available on other streamers.

But like, that's probably where you're gonna see the best print, I would assume. So I've been looking, I wanna revisit it. I haven't watched it yet, but like that's probably where you're gonna see the best print I would assume. So I've been looking, I want to revisit it. I haven't watched it yet, but I would. It is such a, it's such a, I had actually tried to start watching this movie a while back and the opening of it, it feels like the, I was like this movie, is this a bad movie? Like the acting and the dialogue when it first starts are, it's like two, it's, you have

the same actress, Anne Carlisle is is playing a male character and a female character in the same scene. And the man is like, you got the stuff? When are we gonna get the stuff? And it's like the most generic kind of drug talk. As the movie goes on, it's almost like the movie was like, okay, we wanna make sure anybody who might be thrown off by that is not watching the movie.

Because the movie is gonna be too much for them. They are not gonna be able to handle this. And by the time early on that the evil performance artist, drug dealer girlfriend of the main character is doing her performance art piece about her rhythm box and by that point, the movie is like, okay, now we're gonna start showing you what this movie is really like.

And yeah, I had been meaning to see it for years and I finally saw it. And it's just, it's like, if you watch that in ET, it's like, this is the breadth of type of science fiction movies that existed in 1982. Like, doesn't that make you feel sad that there's even the independent science fiction movies now, I feel like are still trying to be kind of like,

they're trying to do what ET does or what horror movies do. And the Rebel Moon movies are just doing Star Wars. And the bad. Did liquid sky make Sammy and Gabriel cry or no? The weird thing, we watched it and I haven't seen them since then. We were in the middle of the night, they stole my car and I've just seen, they started an Instagram feed

and they're just painting their faces bright neon colors and going to late night raves and performance art things. And so they're really getting a city education, so they're just living the New York downtown lifestyle. So they really inspired them. Yeah, that's great. I'm glad that, you know. Great art can do that.

Yeah, this was one that I watched solo. As in I watched it as Han Solo dressed up as Han Solo. The vest and everything. Yeah. What else would you wear if it wasn't the vest? Yeah. What is like snow parka? Yeah, yeah, his vestman outfit. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, otherwise just kind of like a white shirt. Yeah. It's fancy. Um, hey guys, thanks for taking this trip back to that old Rebel Moon with me. Uh... Where the Rebel Moon hits your eye like a big laser blast. For the listeners, I just wanted to say quickly,

we've been blessed with a lot of great guests recently, terrific guests, and we've been doing sort of a lot of flashback episodes in part because of that, in part because of other things. But if you like these like classic peaches episodes where it's just the three of us and like a newer movie rest assured we're not giving up on those it was just a sort of a trick of scheduling that it ended up being a block of that but we we try and mix it up and I think we'll do some more more recent ones soon

Perhaps just with the three of us for a while I mean part of the part of the issue is that we are in a in a little bit of a movie Relative drought to yeah fewer things coming out, but we've got some crap lined up. Oh, yes We'll talk to you about So Before we go I'd like to say go over to MaximumFun.org to check out other great shows on our network. And also, under the merch tab over there, we put up some new shirts. We haven't had new merch on the official Max Fund store for a while, but Tom Fowler designed

us a beautiful shirt. The Tom Fowler. It a beautiful shirt. The Tom Fowler. It's available with or without sleeves. It looks like the Flophouse with a bunch of, it's like roots or like kind of crackling electricity between roots and crackling electricity look. It looks very metal. It looks very cool.

It looks super metal. It looks really cool. And also thank you to Alex Smith, our producer. He goes by the name Howell Dottie on various socials. Last full episode, I handed him some bad audio and he did some magic with it. We're glad to have him. So thank you, Alex.

But that's it for now. For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot the Scar-T I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliott the scar taker-a-weir. Oh! Kalen. Actually, guys, I don't know how to take scars away. I really promised a lot with that nickname and I don't know how to do it.

If I can't catch that trick. Yeah, maybe I have to do laser dermatology. That's what I'll do. Okay. Okay, bye. Whatever. All right. Alright. Okay, I was waiting. I've been so used to having a guest.

I'm like, and then there's a full... Oh, okay. Alright, there's only three of us. I think we're alone now. There doesn't seem to be an Alonzo around. I think we're alone now. That doesn't seem to be an Alonzo around. I think we're alone now. There's no Scardinos, it's just the three of us clowns. Podcasting as fast as we can, can, can.

Oh man, we fucked up. We should have brought Meredith back because it could have been the Scardino giver. Oh, you're right. Oh wow. And she would have loved watching this. She would have loved this movie. Styrofoam movie. This barely existent film.