The Flop House - Episode #167 - From Justin to Kelly

Episode Date: December 13, 2014

Song of the autumn contest winner Jason MacIssac decreed that we should be subjected to legendary season-one-of-American-Idol ancillary flop From Justin to Kelly. Did he take it easy on us, or is there now a bounty on his head? Meanwhile Stuart introduces his innovative new restaurant concept, and Elliott murders Dan on air.  Movies recommended in this episode:Inherent ViceThe Hobbit: Battle of the Five ArmiesNine Days of One Year

On this episode we watched from Justin to Kelly. Are you sure we did accidentally steal a letter from someone's mail? From Kelly Massachusetts to Justin Massachusetts. I don't understand. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys, I'm Stuart Wellington. Hey dudes, I'm Ellie Kaelin, and I have a little bit of a cold, so I apologize if I sound even nasier than usual.

So normally, we watch a bad movie, and we talk about it. Getting right to business, huh? We're a flop house podcast. Here at Flop House Industry is central. And normally said bad movie is a recent film last couple years. Yeah, the movie we watch and then talk about. Yeah, yeah, but this time. The bad movie is a recent film last couple years. Yeah, the movie we watch and then talk about. Yeah. Yeah.

The bad movie. It's a bad. I mean, a bad movie. A bad movie. It's a bad movie. Well, there's the movie bats. That's pretty bad. Sure. That's the one where the names upside down, right? Yeah. Yeah. The poster because it's a bad work. Nope. People didn't like it. They thought they thought the best case scenario they thought it was a movie about Australian beds. Worst case scenario, they thought they were walking on their heads. They were walking on their heads. Yeah, yeah. When they were a flat-out richie song. Yeah, yeah. When you're walking on your heads. Oh, you might be dead. Oh, you might be dead. No, normally you watch a news your feet instead.

If you're walking on your head, a newer bad film, your face is turning red. From the blood rushing to your head. But in this guy, my name's Lionel Richie. He used to say that during a song. Okay. But in this case, what's different about this bad movie we watched? Well, this is a contest episode. The winner of the new song, the autumn contest.

Jason, Michael MacEysec. You did a great job. I expected you to fuck it up. Yup. I mean, a professional would have written it down. Oh, and the Dan McCoy relies on the power of his often incompetent memory. My memory is fine. My tongue is the problem. But anyway, problem tongue, sorry, and John Ritter and Dan McCoy. He wrote a rocket cracket owl in the world of tomorrow. You've been hearing it.

Well, he's lasting, produced it. Every car you see passing by, all along. It's right up there with that all about the bass song. Which you call an earworm. I like him start trying to. Nice. Dan. But because he won, he is entitled to two things.

A t-shirt, which I have not yet gotten to him Nice, Dan. But because he won, he is entitled to two things. A t-shirt, which I have not yet gotten to him because it's all sold out online. And so just making him look get a Haynes White T and write the flop house on it. Okay, yeah. Right in, right in, Jason. Tell us whether that would be acceptable to you.

Don't, don't, no, don't take the first offer. Go with something better. You get one of those like oversized t-shirts of a Looney Tunes character like all blinged out. That would be acceptable to you. Don't, don't, no, don't take the first offer. Go with something better. You get one of those like oversized t-shirts of a Looney Tunes character like all blinged out and then sign that the flop house. They still make those. Are you his, I don't know.

I assume I still see him on the subway. Are you as agent in this transaction? Yeah, I get 10% of the shirt. I get one half of a sleeve. Take the sleeves. He's not half of a sleeve take the sleeves He's not gonna leave the canole. Take the sleeves So the other thing was he got you to decide what movie we watch all boy now in the past what contest winner movies have There been teen witch teen witch scarlet letter baps baps These are all the happiest millionaire.

And so this choice, you know, it's the stars of limit. He could have said, hey, I'll be using on the flop guys. I'll have them watch Star Wars. He could have said, hey, I'll be hard on the flop guys to have them watch Salah or the 120 days of sun or Cannibal Holocaust or something. Instead, he went or nothing but trouble or something. Oh, God, I hope never, ever.

Instead, he went kind in the middle. Well, I will say. Well, not in the middle, it's bad. This is not a perfectly acceptable. I forgot that the Star Wars was the upper bound that I had set. I will say this for, this isn't like the King's speech or something.

Yeah, no, yeah, like a middle of the road, you know, fine. So I'd enjoy it, forgot it. Exactly. I will say this for the choice of from Justin to Kelly. It is a trim hour and 22 minutes. Perfect. I'm like the happiest millionaire, which was three hours long. It's a fat three hours.

However, this movie seemed to be as long, if not longer, than the happiest millionaire. I gotta say, I remember a lot more of the happiest millionaire. A movie we saw years ago. Yeah, I remember it almost fondly. Is that a theater character, right? Yeah, there's a ton of alligators. Let's not forget the song about Detroit.

The song about Detroit that we got on the show once. Yeah, that's true. And this, Justin DeCali, we literally watched it 15 minutes ago. And I only have a memory of like vaguely neon bathing suits dancing to poorly mixed songs on a beach somewhere. Those songs are gonna be in your memory forever. I can't remember a single one.

One of them was a rewritten version of that's the way I like it. See, I'm impressed you remembered that, because I had forgotten that song. I was gonna have to be a song of the movie. I know, I had forgotten it. It's the climactic dance. Well, I wouldn't say it's climactic dance. I wouldn't say that this movie has a climax. movie has a has a second act problem in that it has no Accenture. There is now there is the barest hint of a first act and then I guess there's a third act in that it ends at some point and the second act is more of a loose

Mishmash of vignettes. There's a couple of like it's one of these it's a it's a spring break movie and it's what it's a throwback To the old beach movies where there's like a bunch of characters who have like your beach blanket bingo So you're had a stuff a wild bikini exactly. Yeah, your doctor Goldson in the movie had a stuff a wild beginning. Yeah, most certainly is a buster Keaton in that one I don't know a buster Keaton maybe not that buster Keaton is in a bunch of these beach movies He's in a funny thing happens with the way the way the forum and not a beach movie movies. He's done a funny thing. I have it to the way to the form. Not a beach movie. I mean, it is a beautiful beach. Yeah, you're right, Dan. Sandals equals beach. I guess the Bible is the ultimate beach story. Oh, look, all I know is that there's a resort called sandals. I'm so sick. I believe it was

Jesus Christ who said, blessed are the surfers. They shall inherit some tubular waves dudes Yeah, did blessed are the dudes where they shall be laid back in spirit And he managed to feed a thousand people with only a handful of poi and one of those Little shell necklaces that always make everyone look like douchebags when they wear them Very judgey Jesus. Wow. He is the ultimate judge, Dan. That's true. Anyway, so it's a, but it's a throwback to the movies where there's a group of characters who each have their like thing they want to get. You know, everyone has a, has a clearly desired once in this movie. I mean, it's mostly just a date. Like, it's mostly a girl like that. It's also, it's a, it's mostly a girl. It's also it's a

promoting these movies that like is clearly written for young people because there's a lot of talk about like I'm gonna get with all these girls. I want your love all night long and then but then like all they really want is a kiss on the cheek and to dance with each other. Yeah this is I mean I suppose to a hardcore fucking. I'm familiar with a penetration of the screen every position every orifice. It's called XXX parody from Justin DeKelli. What? What are porn titles now are very, a very, a very.

Change Kelly to jelly in your clothes. That's what you that's what you want in a porn title. It is a condiment that I understand. This is what I will say this. If you can see in Busty Catchups. Busty Catchups. It's the condiment of the title.

Yeah. I'm familiar with a much different type of spring break movie and this movie. Like the 80s spring break. Yeah. I mean, they're not that different. Well, but it's an 80s spring movie. It would be this kind they're not that different. Well, but except in 80s spring, there would be this kind of stuff would be a lot of girls taking their tops off.

People getting drunk, people getting high. This is the most, most like, white washed, queen spring break movie. There is a scene where people have... Not a single character dies of a heroin overdose. There's a scene that involves a whipped cream bikini contest, but these might as well be like one piece whipped cream bikinis. They might as well be old-time. Yeah, they could have gone to do an old-timey like two-piece

gown bathing suit from the Coney Island days. Yeah, these are the most modest whipped cream bikinis. You will ever see. You could wear one of these to church. I guess if you don't worry about getting the pew dirty. Yeah. From LA's description of Jesus, I think you would fit. Yeah, he was all about it. Varsity Blues, this is not when it comes to whipped cream bikinis. But yeah, should we go through the thinnest of plots? Yeah, this, this Gossamer Web of Dreams that is the plots from Destiny Cave.

Yeah, it's a real, it's a nice story. Oh yeah, well, hey, look, if these dance numbers have offended, think just this and all it, and all is mended. For while you watched here, it was a contract contractual obligation for everyone involved. It doesn't matter. Just a new word on concern. Justin is quite a puckish figure. Yes.

Or maybe Greg's hoof's character. And Kelly is what like a Titania or one of the tinkers. I don't understand Yeah, Helena, uh, her Mia one of those Hermione your Helena bottle car So here's the story It Kelly Clarkson is a way of Triss named Kelly who works in a bar in Texas. They she her friends convinced slow down I stay in Texas. They, she, her friends convinced her, slow down Einstein. She wants to sing. This is a plot that goes nowhere.

She has two friends, one of whom is a party girl and the other is black, those are personalities. And they convinced her to go to spring break with them. They go to spring break. This movie takes seven minutes to get the spring break. It's efficient. You gotta say that. It does not waste time getting the spring break

and it's spring break in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. There's three guys, Justin and his friends. Ryan was one of the Brandon Brandon is the party dude, the certified party. Brandon is a party dude is always making money doing party planning and events and things like that getting into trouble with the law here played by a babyler cop. They all are type police officer. And when you're real Karen Sisko's and he they have another friend is the only other type of guy. Backless nerd.

A nerd who is not that smart but doesn't have glasses and zinc on his nose. And so here are things like Kelly is looking to stay at a trouble. Her blonde friend is looking to stay at a trouble. Her blonde friend is looking to, I guess, get fucked every which way but loose. She's constantly on the hunt for boys. And her other friend is just there. Again, her personality that she's black.

And with the three guys, Brandon is trying to make money and get with the base. He's kind of so too past. There's a part where he talks about how he can have no emotional connection with a woman, which is, so yeah, which he's bragging about, because I mean, he leaves the babes quick, but like he uses them and loses them.

It helps him in like, e-A-JU-TU duels so that he can remain perfectly still. His opponent won't know he's after her. Yeah, his the Kendo master, who taught him, thought of him as a perfect tree. Ha, ha, ha, ha. How can I strike you when you and the wood are one? And the nerd who is looking to meet up with his internet girlfriend, who she's going

to meet in person for the first time. And Justin who's there to be there. He's just a dude. Like he is a blank character. There's a perfect blank character. He's not even quite like the good guy, at least at first. He's not a bad guy. But he's just interested in like having this whipped cream bikini contest as like the party

team. Yeah. As a business opportunity clearly. Yeah. Well, and also because they never really explain the the mechanics of the whipped cream bikini contest. They just, they could have done something where regular here

it's that's cold okay it's a little slithery and then what do i do now take with the lord gave you like a polaroid picture or like you shouldn't with a baby uh... either one man

okay i'm shaking what do you what's going to happen i'm feeling it's supposed to happen? I'm not feeling anything. I'm supposed to fly off. Yeah. It's actually quite secure. This wasn't sort of fast drying epoxy. Oh, I'm gonna have to chip this away after the podcast. Anyway, the guys and the girls keep bumping into each other. Kellyan Justin meet up on the beach and it is instant chemistry as we know because they immediately start singing a song. It happens to have no dial. They're all singing a song about being on the beach and it is instant chemistry as we know because they immediately start singing a song.

It happens. It happens. No dial. They're all singing a song about being on the beach looking for dates. Justin and Kelly see each other through a crowd. They walk towards each other because I think it's damn pointed out as we're watching the theme of this movie seems to be people walking through crowds or singing while walking towards the camera.

Yeah. And also all of this, it's important to say that all of the songs in this movie sounds like either they could have been written for this movie or they could have been a pre-existing song that this movie has just used. I think there was a lot of... There's nothing distinctive about that.

A lot of what songwriters would call trunk songs in here, songs that they had lying around and had not found use for, and they threw them into this movie. And all the songs are mixed weird, so it sounds like a song you'd hear on the radio and not like these two characters are actually singing. Yeah, it's hard to make out the lyrics. But anyway, it's love at first sight,

but uh oh, through a series of complications, they can't get it together. And it's in that first big dance number that we realize that this movie's gonna be filled with nothing but very interesting supporting extras. Let's take a moment to talk about, okay, this is not a big deal. They are the extra. The main characters are bad.

The extras in this movie are a constant entertainment. They are so overly into it, like you'll see characters just walking by in the background, swinging their arms around, like no one has ever walked in the history of movement. Which is great. It's like the director's like, well, my leads don't know the dance moves that well. So I'm going to put a snake woman in the back of the bandana and have her flex like a crazy person. There's a guy who's tap dancing

on a table. You know what? Let's just have one of the spectators be dancing as if she's having an epileptic seizure. I've got one word for this movie upstaging. It's almost bad, but here. It's almost as if there were two craft services tables, one for the stars, and one for the extras. The one for the extras was just dosed with acid, just all of it, acid and coke and just like speed.

And speaking of craft services, the one scene that takes place in a kitchen, features a chef taking slices of pizza and putting them on just a plate. Individual plates, right? Right next to a giant trough of like apples and bananas in a kitchen. I don't understand what this restaurant's focus is. That's why it's failing. Somebody can Gordon Ramsay in here. Steward as a food services professional.

Yeah, I identified that people don't just serve a plate with a slice of pizza for my kitchen. And a sit-down restaurant. Exactly. If you're a slice of pepperoni, sir. Welcome to Slices, the restaurant that only serves things in slices. Can I have a Coke? Sorry, we only have Slices. Or you can have a slice of Coke, but try not to cut yourself on the sharp can-hack. So they sliced up the soda like shredder would from do to prove that he has knives on his hands?

Yeah, they sliced it into little sections. No. Only the bottom section pertains any cocaine. No, Dan, what little sections are just like some of those? If you're telling me just freeze it, that would make your sense. Yeah, if you're telling me a knife can cut through a soda can,

I think you're crazy. What kind of wonderful knife could do that? Well, friend, take a look at this. Ah, ah, he's wielding a knife for me. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah you get sliced through that. It's too much. You saw it. You saw the whole thing. You saw the whole thing. You saw the whole thing. It's too busy buying these knives. No.

Bang, bang, bang, bang. Now I'm dying. Help me. Mom, I'm cold. Here's a blanket, dear. That was a little... Mom, I was dying. A little taste of flopphouse theater.

Yep, a very little taste. There was very little there. It's a slice of flopphouse theater. So, a very little taste. There was very little there. It's only a slice of flop house theater. So the extras are fantastic, but the foreground, not so much. Here's what happens in the movie. So Kelly's friend in quotes, because she's a bitch tour the whole movie, decides that she is going to... She's like Brittany or Brianna.

That's probably like Skyler or Dakota or something like that. You know, Yeah, I'm good. It's a first name. Yeah. I must have been a maiden name. They turned into a first name. Kids these days, you know,

the Kooky trend names. Anyway, so the she decides she's going to mess with Justin for no real reason. I guess because Justin's not interested in her. She is constantly angry that none of the guys are interested in her, and she just wants to get into all the parties. She's just weird, she's set up as the queen B character, and she's objectively and attractive. Like it just seems odd that she's never said.

You're in the words what you're saying. With that, you were masturbating in your mind. It's weird casting. It's weird casting. Here's what I'd say, Dan. Here's what I'd say. Yeah, we're casting because what?

No, I think your program to look at the woman who looks like that in this type of movie, and things. The skinny blonde is supposed to be the one who's got it going on. She's going to be desirable to everybody. She also has a couple of problems in that. Here's the thing, Dan. And she has a couple of musical numbers

where people are carrying around, but I think those all might take place in her mind. Yeah, it's possible. Yeah, the whole, it's like an American psychotype thing. Yeah, is it really happening? Here's what I'd say about her. One, she comes on too strong, and even the most beautiful woman,

which she is not, she's fine, you know, but she's no, just a pull name out of my head, Cargogino, she's no Cargogino, but her personality just comes on too strong. And let's say, And there's no beauty in her heart. Exactly, inner beauty is what really counts. Two to she's a big fish in a small pond now she's a small fish in a big pond maybe she's the heart breaker

she's still there for the fish though that like the pond got bigger oh that makes more sense and as Obi-Wan said in that was it no what's his face the other guy in in fan of minutes like on just like I just said there's always a bigger fish I think you some of spring break particularly yeah, so she is like she's flailing She's like I'm used to people just flocking to me, but now there's all these other girls I don't know what to do. I guess I'll play mind games and so she kind of pointlessly Just keep sending Justin text messages as if she's Kelly saying, meet me here, I don't want to, we're just ignoring him.

Maybe I zoned out, but we talk about how. We don't know to read the recording. Yes, it happens. Did we talk about just how perfunctory Justin Kelly's meeting was and how little chemistry they have together? Well, let's talk about it. Because as I said today on their chemistry leaps off the screen because I could see no evidence for it on the screen.

I assumed it jumped away and screwed under a piece of furniture. Yeah. I mean, we talked about them singing together, but the real meeting was Justin is running away from a flock of women who want his promotional wrist bands to the Margarita madness that he's putting on. It's a great name. Margarita's that drive you to madness. I think Lovecraft wrote about that.

I'm not sure what it means to madness. The old ones mixed a drink that was said to drive what man, man. It was Lime, Tequila Kila triple sec and madness two parts saturnian wine. No, but like dog chubbitters. So he runs into the ladies room to hide from these these this pack of females and runs into Kelly and they trade maybe five sentences. And there doesn't seem to be like any particular like sizzling chemistry. It might as well have been the same amount of chemistry would get if Kelly was waiting for the bus and a homeless man came up to her

asked her for money. She said, I'm sorry. I don't have any and he said, well, God bless you anyway and walked away. That's about the chemistry they have. See a lifetime passes in those moments, guys. When their eyes meet, understand. I think it probably ended that sequence out where they stared into each other's eyes and here's what it's all a future where they were having kids. Here's what weight of me because we're growing old, and they were growing old, and then they turned into worm food, and then those worms. They saw their reflection and the landslide of coming down. They should never get older too. It would be quiet with that shit. It would

morefully went back. So here's what I'm gonna, but they, that scene worked. If they looked into the other's eyes and suddenly we flashed back to Justin and Kelly throughout time, throughout history, cave Justin and cave Kelly, being together medieval times, Justin and Kelly Roman times. It's like a miscevival on type thing.

They've always been lovers throughout history. And now they're once again lovers. And he has snakes tattooed on his wrists, you know, mis-evival on like again. Sure. That would have been the rest of the movie would have made more sense because it was like, oh, okay, so their souls are faded to be together for eternity, like a Hawkman and Hawk girl. The two most boring people in the world were faded to be together. God's like, I'll save anyone of interest from these people by having them be in love. That's the thing.'ll save anyone of interest from these people by having them feel love. That's the thing, sometimes when you know somebody so perfectly,

it gets a little boring because you have nothing to talk about. You gotta spice it up with a whipped cream bikini contest. So say it's a spicy cream. And I think those are the plots. By the end of the movie, the minor obstacles, oh, and also the other friend starts going out with a waiter. She gets him fired from his job by talking back to his boss and then he gets a new job.

And then I have to mention great kitchen scene. Yeah. And the kitchen scene where again, the most interesting thing about it was the non-sensical food service going on in the background. Like the extra dishonest beats. He's like, I guess I just start putting up plates. I think something with these hands. the extra bonus beat to his like I guess I just start putting up plates I think something with these hands. I can't stand here staring at a pizza

Steering in my hands wondering what they could be doing Somebody Start walking up to the stars with his hands out of different Australian what excuse me? straight one. What do you do in extra number two? I was just a bit of business, like I came up with. My backstory is I hate these characters and I want to strangle them. Maybe we should get a different out. That doesn't really fit with the rest of the story.

But so by the end of the movie, everything's okay. Yeah, well the thing is, the original beach movies that these sort of like as we were saying are an updating of like they had featherweight plots and the obstacles and featherweight bathing suits. And the obstacles in front of the young lovers were ridiculous and stupid but even by that standard there is almost no reason why there's obstacles and Like the woman is like. There's like two obstacles in a whole movie. And one of them is a hovercraft basketball tournament. That is, don't, now your mind just heard

a hovercraft basketball tournament and you thought, awesome, wrong. It is the most boring thing I've maybe ever seen. Two hovercrafts, you know, like circling each other like middle speed while people try and throw balls at the opposite other grab. With a very complicated rule system. It's a very elaborate.

There's bonus points for things. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. I've seen like episodes of Small Wonderland. Oh, I've seen things you can only imagine. Of course, he's a fucking robot, dude. Yeah. I'm like this bound to arise between organics and synthetics.

And not to mention her programming. She thinks of everything so literally. Like she's an Amelia Bedelia robot almost. Do you think she's probably having the three laws of robotics? Like if small wonder, if small wonder, if there was a fire and small wonder wanted to get away and her owner was like,

no, small wonder, I order you to stay in that fire. She makes none of the fire names. Law two overrides law three. My own survival is superseded by my need to obey human commands. I'm dying. Do you think that would happen? I think that's the last season.

That's here's finale. It's my have to assume so. Uh, so here's the thing. The Rolling Stones may have said you can't always get what you want, but everyone in Justin Tickelli gets what they want. Who's right? Thoughts, discussion. So next time that song pops up on Pandora, thumbs down. Yeah.

You pose a very stupid philosophical question, Elliot. Now, there's a lot of stuff in here too that's like beach movie tropes that they do very lazily. Someone tans for too long and gets burned. Somebody is chased by another girl's boyfriend who's a big guy. There's a miss, there's some mistaken identity. There's bikinis, but like even those are kind of giving short trips. There's a poor attempt at beach volleyball.

Yeah, yeah, very poor. There's a sandcastle. It was seen. Can I say one of the things that irritated me in this movie? Nope. Not over here for. Okay. Well, you're supposed to tell us two truths in the live about yourself. Okay. Let's see.

I was I live two blocks away from a dairy farm. Now in Brooklyn. Hate let him finish. There's gonna eat up some good eggs. So Dan, what were you gonna say about it? I had a thing of truth about myself. It's a weird thing. Cause you've been living a life for so long.

Who is Dan McCoy? You look at the mirror and you don't even recognize yourself. Cause you have a beard now. Anyway, so what was the thing that irritated you? No, early on when the nerd is checking into the hotel, he's like, he's like, One of the least nerdy nerds in the history of film.

He has a handsome dude with abs, who has glasses. He's ripped, dude. He's complaining about how he can't get online and he like holds up his old rotary phone. And he's like, how am I supposed to get online? There's not even any buttons on this thing. And the other two characters kind of roll their eyes at each other.

But that's not how it works. He would have just taken the phone jack out of the wall and plugged his ethernet cable into that. Well, his actual phone setup has no, no, but if you have dial up thing, you just, you just, you just, yeah just yeah, well, he's the thing. He didn't he didn't even seem to bring a computer or his own cell phone. Yeah, no point does he look to have a computer on him now.

But if you're gonna like go through the trouble of doing that stupid gag at least now. Let's remember when this movie came out. It was 2003. Yeah, so cell phone technology wasn't what it is now, laptops weren't what they are now. And also, this is post 9-11. And maybe he is just trying to stay safe, not attract the attention of terrorists.

That's my only guess, because otherwise why wouldn't he bring us computer with him? Wait, so what do you think he was doing with the phone if he wasn't actually taking his computer up to it? I got to assume he was tracking down leads. I don't know doing some old shoe leather guns police were Maybe he's gonna pick up a better pick it up and hit somebody with it. I don't know Nothing in the movie really makes that much sense. All right, the characters are there's a scene with the aforementioned pizza in the background scene where the busboy's girlfriend,

what he Kelly's friends, is just hanging out with him in the kitchen while he's working. And it's like, do people routinely bring their girlfriends to hang out with them in their- What the fucking food? The kitchen, that's a great show. What's this girl that a bathing suit doing here? Really like there's a scene where-

What was that John Updike story where the guy quits his job? Because the girl of bathing suit gets picked out of the supermarket. I couldn't remember the name of the story. There's a great scene where the Queen Bee character goes to Margarita Madness or whatever hosted by Brandon. Yeah, Brandon. Brandon. And basically- Brandon Tarticol.

She just shows up, she gets free entrance to this margarita madness I guess they call it and then immediately dumps a bunch of drinks on her head end of scene That is the last we hear about this only there to be humiliated much like a Thomas Hardy character She exists only to be buffeted by the winds of fate. We'll buffeted by the winds of fate Batman And not Not Tom already the actor. Tom is already the writer. Uh, wait, what? Tess of the, yeah.

Yeah. So did you read Return of the Native Batman? Um, this is a movie. Would you think the mayor of Kaster Bridge brings his dismay upon himself, Batman? Why so formal, Mr. Wayne? Uh, I'm really more of a poet at heart. It's still happening. Anyway, you say?

No, I was Bronson and so forth. I was, I was not really saying. I was struggling for something to say about the movie because it's hard. It's, this is a got like, this is a lightweight movie. It's like this is He has seven minutes of plot and they stretch it out to an hour and 22 minutes. There's some great outfits. Oh, yeah. Kelly wears some interesting shirts. At one point she looks like like she should be stepping up to the streets. Yeah, yeah. Maybe she looks like she should be like she to the streets. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe she should be like, she's like kind of like an

anime character who's perfect, you know, like at a Tokyo drift race, but also she's got kind of like a weird, we're spangly day of the dead shirt on. So that's interesting, I guess. Sure. Another one looks like she should be draped around Johnny Depp's neck. So good work, Kelly Clarkson. On that. I mean, you could see from watch the movie that everyone was doing this because they had to.

It feels like everyone involved was doing this because they signed a contract at some point to do a movie and nobody really wanted to do it. And the most interesting thing about the movie to me is that really, I'm a Capiti. This feels like a... Sorry, I'm a Capiti. As a buddy, Wikipedia. As a buddy, Wikipedia that, really, I'm gonna compete. This feels like, sorry. I was about to call. I was about to call.

I was about to call. And then, you know, wiki-peaty. My friend Pete, he'll believe whatever you tell him. So, there's a, you'd assume this movie, it's an American Idol tie-in basically, that this movie was made to sell a soundtrack album. They recorded one and it was not released because the movie did so poorly.

They figured no one would want to buy the soundtrack. So it's interesting to me that like the reason you'd think this would be existing didn't come about. Yeah, and I, look, I find Justin Goreini, utterly charmless. Kelly Clarkson. I like a little bit. And maybe it's just that I'm fond. I like, you know, I like some of her songs that you've been going to get sung.

Yeah. There's that one about how she doesn't hook up. I'm against the anti-hooking up message of the song, but I'm pro the tune. But about that song, Tusk. Yeah, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. I'm fucking told you that night.

No more of Lee Woodman. Yeah. Call back to the stuff that happened before we started taping these. But so, so okay, so you like Kelly Clarkson. Who else did you like in the movie? Um, there was a, I like dogs. There's a busty extra in the back of one of those parts. And there was a bar. I'll let me tell you this. This is the problem with a beach movie. Is that if you're a guy watching it, you're never going to be distracted by the women in the background. But they really didn't give you much in the foreground to fight that.

Yeah, yeah. What am I gonna look at this nerd with a weird kangle fisherman hat? Yeah, come on. At this point, at certain point, the movie becomes like some kind of purvy, wears Waldo where you're searching through the crowd for boobs. Desperately for something to at least hold your penis's interest. Could be a urinal. There's no to be moves. That's, you know, that appeals to me.

That's part of my interest. Is that a medical diagnosis disinterested penis? I've suffered it from it before. That's the truth. That's the other truth you were searching for earlier. Yeah, we should do. So, from Justin to Kelly, should have been returned to send her. Oh, boy.

I'm Jean Shalitz. I'm Jean Shalitz. That's when you make them out of food. I'm in only one food item. And my film critic themed restaurant. Well, it's like a pair of jeans with shallots in the pockets. It's a pocket full of shallots. That's a good musical song. A pocket full of shallots.

Yeah, by the spin doctors. Re-shallots and a fountain. There's also the Pauline kale. That's a very popular side dish. Yeah. Yeah, so Yeah, and then put a doll of Stanley Kaufman is on that Jean Sisk eel Sure, I guess that is a sushi bar in my pretty themed restaurant and of course the Roger Sherbert anyway moving on so

We should do our final judgment on this movie, whether it was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie. A.O. Hot Sauce. Or a movie. Perfect. We kind of like, Stewart, what do you say? What are the categories again? I said good bad.

Totally beachifying, scarily snored. We're kind of like, no, this is a bad bad movie. Um, I was hoping that it would, that there would be more wackiness. There's a few wacky chases when, uh, this certified party expert, uh, I'd like to see his credentials. Uh, runs a file of a beautiful local law enforcement officer cutler cutler cutler. The Callahan character. If this was a very good dirty. Well, that isn't that a more like from police academy. We're like a flirty Harry. Callahan.

Isn't that the blonde woman the babe from the remember on some. All I remember is the guy with the special effects noises and the tackle and high tower. was that a character in Z Zed yeah, okay Yeah, I mean later is in Multimals of him he came in pretty early was what the second movie Yeah, but he didn't become

No, let's show and let's not forget the star of it all America's police. The concept of law enforcement. Anyway, Dan, so Stuart used that it's a bad bad name. Yeah, I agree. I had high hopes for this to be a good bad movie because of its reputation as one of the worst movies ever. It lived up to that, but in the wrong way. It was so thin that it did not keep my interest and for a movie that was

an hour and 22 minutes, it seemed like a lifetime. It was infinitely long. But the doctors are staring at Justin Guarini's eye and seeing your babies together. If a doctor tells you you have an hour and 22 minutes to live, fire up from Justin DeKelli because you will one wish for the sweet release. And two, you'll feel like you're immortal. Time will stretch on forever.

It's like you're in a white void with no sensory elements, whatsoever. So you have no idea if a second has passed or a million years. So I'm going to say bad bed movie also. Kind of barely reached this minimum standards for being a movie. So, move on. So from Justin to Kelly, no such address. Thanks again for that. So before we go on to letters, no CODs do.

There are a couple of things, a, couple shows for mode. When this is the day that this is dropping is the day that I'm appearing at Vidiology in Wiem'sburg. Now that's Saturday, December 13th. Yeah. For the Slate Holiday party. So, no, Saturday the 13th was the movie about the very late slasher killer who could never make it on time to things. Yeah. Um, I mean, there's Saturday the 14th, right? Yeah, there's that is a, which is like a Transylvania 6,500.

Oh, I don't know that one. Well, forget it. I like Saturday the 13th more. Anyway, point is, go tell that movie to change a title. So that still happens. Which one has Ed Beaglee Jr. Beaglee? It's still happening which one has Ed Beaglee Jr. Beaglee. He's like a big old boy. He's like a big old boy. You're awfully beaglee. So Dan, this is Ed Videoology in Brooklyn.

Yeah. So Saturday, December 13th. It may well be sold out, but check it online. You know what I'm gonna do. Go anyway, you get turned away the door for your master day. You're just fucking tempting him now. But also, we have our live show coming up and we've got a big announcement.

January 9th, let me do this properly. Okay. January 9th, 2015, podcasting history is about to be made. The world is in ruins. And only three men. New York is a wasteland. Can run by biker gangs.

And also the mayor. Awesome. At the bellhouse in Gawannis, Brooklyn at 10 p.m. You and a friend, if you buy tickets together and have friends are invited to see the first ever live recording of a flop house podcast episode, not a movie riffing show. You will not watch a movie with the flop house gang, but you will watch us record a real episode so that your laughs will be recorded for history. And Dan, I think we were gonna announce her story.

If you're a lady, yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna announce what movie we're gonna watch. It was, what movie? It's your idea. It's a drumroll or it from a rumor or something? He gets on the blame and the glory. It's not, I just sit in the table inside of terrible.

We're going to be watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Toidles. The movie? Yeah, the remake, that's the new one. 2000, the old Teenage. Jim Hanson, Creature Shop, version. A Michael Bay production. Yeah, this is the movie. Starting Maychan Fox. So, this is debutsing. starring Mechan Fox.

So. And for a radical turn. And Elias Codius as Casey Jo. I don't think Elias could have said it. Wait, what? No, but David Fickner is in it, right? Yeah. As Shredder.

William Fickner. William Fickner's brother. David Fickner's brother. William Fickner. So if you're going to become into the show, try and watch that shitty movie in advance. Or possibly great movie in advance. And the show is, we will as always have watched the movie, mere minutes before going out on stage.

So we're gonna do a couple on the stage in a day. But we're gonna do a few things just for the live audience, give them a little extra. And tickets are selling fast. As of this recording, I think there is about 70 or less tickets left. Flop house record. 70 or fewer. Thanks Mr. Grammer, dictionary brown.

Oh, the police chief wish he could tell everybody about his brilliant son who was a real pedantic ass, correcting everybody's grammar. But that would mean admitting that dictionary brown was his son. He must have stood upon the iced cube. So this is a case for the attorneys general. Bugsmeanie couldn't actually be collecting money for an expedition to the Ozarks because I comes before

E except after C. I'm afraid Bugsmeanie affect and affect are two different words. Bugsmeanie has to be wrong about the sunken pirate treasure because flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. So anyway, when we're watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. We will also be doing a few things like Dan said, just for the live audience, they will not be in the recording. So that's another thing to get you there

if being a part of Flophouse history isn't enough. And I think, yeah, there'll be other surprises, you know, surprise guests. No. Gorygraft dances. Nope. I mean, there might be some uncoryged dances. They're almost certainly will be. So so January 9th, the flop house live, talking about teenage

mutant ninja to titles rated R maybe playing at your house for prep. So, um, now it's time For letters wait, can I plug something sure? This is coming out after it was released when Casey hadn't heard or I you don't remember the last episode my first Spider-Man comics Spider-Man the X-Men number one came out Wednesday of this week. So go out to your comic store if it sold out or a new one Yes, I read it, Stuart read it. Yeah, I read it while Stuart was sitting next to me talking to my wife. I was rude and I said, no thank you. You missed that entire conversation.

And Dan, I'll be reading Elliott's comment. Dan, I think you just, you may have just set up your, your possible winning entry in the most boring story competition. But 2014, a late entry. You know, the deadline was coming up. But you got a strong list around. You got a strong chance now. That is that's good.

What an unnecessary. A late entry onto my top five most boring stories of the. Under Elliot Kaylen, Lyrical themes. All these stories. Most unnecessary dickishness at one point. stories of the under LA at Kaylen, lyrical themes, all these things most unnecessary dickishness of a word. Can I plug one more thing? Is it plugs?

Is it? Yeah, this this light was is a little is a little shaky. Let me just plug that in. All right. Thank you. Okay. Done.

So this is letters where we talk to you through the medium of letters. Wait, no, that's not that works. And I'll tell you how it works. You sent us the letter and now we'll read it. Talking to you over podcast town, flying over podcast town in our podcast, Zeplin. Everyone with a podcast has got one and we're watching you sleep and make love at night from the skies in our podcast Zeppelin over podcast town Mayless your letters and we'll read them on the airwaves

Then we'll answer them and we'll share waves with you on the beach like Justin and Kelly at spring break These are letters from you that we will now read letters in the sky. Thank you for allowing us that little concession break while you were. So this first letter is titled poster for rocket crocodile and from Tristan, last name with Hells, that would be Drew Struzen. Okay. Well, Tristan says, Flaw House, please let Mr. Elliot Kaelin know that the poster for his project,

Rocket Crocodile and the World of Tomorrow, is ready. The untouched proof has been sitting on my desk, gathering dust, and I haven't heard anything. I know he got my invoices, and he promised payment would be forthcoming. That was just over a year ago when we were still doing concept sketches. He can't just ignore the people he hires just because I'm a freelancer doesn't mean he doesn't have to pay me. What happened to the man who was thankful? That's what free signature Elliott. Was there ever even a Dr. John J name withheld? Were you going to be

able to pay the frankly ludicrous $700,000 for the upfront work, me and the rest of your so-called creative team did for you? I did. I mean, one, maybe $200,000 for a poster of this majestic quality shore, but your set decorator is drunk constantly. The costume designer's home was at Hen Bay than weeks. The entire hair and makeup department was a shotty attempt to conceal a major drug trafficking operation.

And I think the VFX guy was a middle schooler playing around with a four-year-old copy of after effects i mean accusations have been launched i see now that this product years was never meant to be and the idea that i could get a huge windfall out of it was a fools errand i don't even give a damn anymore by getting paid obviously that was just a con and a lie just come pick up this poster.

I'm gonna use it to line my cat's litter box with great affection, Tristan, last name of hell. And there's a poster here. I'll put up with the show, but here you go. Wow, that's a pretty amazing poster. Can we buy it on the Mondeau.com? That's pretty great. I kind of want to frame that.

Yeah. That's pretty fantastic. I kind of feel like there should be a t-shirt Yeah, there should definitely be a t-shirt I wonder whether it really captures everything that I love about Rocky Crocodiles the crocodiles the wisegrag and zebras the future the nudity everything Yeah, yeah, that's just true like I think that this must be Carly Gagino nude behind this and the other one is Gina Gershon I assume yeah behind this they're in like and I assume. Yeah, behind this. They're in like every scene nude. Yeah.

There's a lot of bending over to pick things up. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Well, here, let me just say there was some misunderstandings and promises were made about the movie and its crew that maybe couldn't have been fulfilled, but feel better that someday this poster

will see the light of day in the surprisingly striking documentary Elliott Kalens rocket crocodile the world tomorrow. It's about maybe one of the greatest movies that was never made rocket crocodile and the influence that had on science fiction films in the following 30 years. I think it's fascinating. I visionary director. As you've never even read the original novel rocket crocodile in the world. I was at a party and they said what story would you want to make a film of?

And I said, of course, rocket crack out on the world tomorrow, because I'd seen it on a shelf. I had never read the story. I wasn't interested. In fact, I was going to put my own spin on the tail and train my own son, Sammy, to be the lead star rocket crocodile. And that's why for the past 11 months

it's his birth, he's been learning karate 17 hours a day. The weird thing is you got Salvador Dali and Worcester Wells is starting it even though they're dead long dead, surprisingly easy to sign contracts with dead people. You just write their names in. Well, just get a good necromancer or a bad one. Looks cheap out on it.

Doesn't matter. So here's what you need to remember is a you'll be famous eventually. Yeah. But that on your pipe. And I guess cash it. What do you do with that compliment? Take it all the way to the compliment bank. This next email is titled.

That really is an amazing post drop. Yeah, no, it's very, very nice. Again, I'll put it up on the website. And maybe we can work something out. That's what's up. That is floppaspodcast.org. No, it's not. Again, I'll put it up on the website and maybe we can work something that is a flop house podcast dot org No, you are slash go. Xxx aqua fan Flothouse podcast dot com blog spot. Is it a commercial? website. Oh, this is a commercial what for like like burritos

Like zappos burritos. Hey, I love their shoes. How are their burritos? I ordered one in the mail. It was a little stale. My feet are pretty fast. My feet are always so wrapped up in warm inside. I figured their burritos would be great. And moist. I always wanted more melted cheese between my toes.

You know what? I bet if you put your foot in a burrito, it would be pretty good. I'm not so sure about that. Like a warm burrito, like a toasty burrito. Damn, imagine it. It fits from Danescript and American burrito. If you think it would be pretty good. I'm not so sure about that. Like a warm burrito, like a toasty burrito. Damn, imagine it. It's from Danescript and American burrito. If you think it would be good, it would turn into a good on burrito. If you think it would feel good to stick your foot

in a newly killed possum, I think that's about the same as it would feel to stick your foot in a warm burrito. Does that sound pleasant? There's bones in everything. Yeah. It was nice and squishy. Now the way I make them.

So the next letter. One of the weirder things to talk about. This next letter is titled My Wife or I assume My Wife. Nice, nice little update. Okay, continue. And it's from Craig Lastney with Held who writes, I recently convinced my wife to listen to some flop house while we wrapped Christmas presents. Big mistake.

That is always a mistake. When we finish, almost every letter that starts, I convinced my family member here to listen to the flop house, it always ends badly. Dan always sends something disgusting. Continue. When we finished up and I turned the episode off, she described the experience as being like, quote,

when you're with friends, they start talking about a bunch of bullshit you're not interested in, adding, I don't not like them, I just don't care what they're talking about. You look like this. Well, thanks. I don't think she will be a future listener. I, however, will never stop spreading the good word

of the flop house, Craig left. Well, thanks for writing. Is this a new, this is gonna ain't all get a new theme of letters written by people who shared us with others who didn't like us? I figure that if we neg ourselves, then we'll end up being more approachable. Oh, more approachable.

I mean, that's not really how the game's played. Dear flop house, your self-esteem seems too high. So let me tell you what happened when I introduced my local pastor to your podcast. He had a place he said you were going. I wasn't nice. So this letter, letter number three, from Taj, last name withheld.

The rise of. Hello, Floppers. I write as a brief respite from the plethora of slash fiction, no doubt being thrown your way. But on that note, also as- But would re-return to the blue lagoon work with three castaways, three pod castaways, if you will?

And is it like discovering the love for each other and their bodies? Or would it turn into a fight for sexual dominance, all of the Billy Zane Star, survival island, with Elliot being the Kelly Brook figure lusted after by the two other sex star men. I'm gonna buy that part. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Elliot's the most desirable one out of the three of us.

Think about it Stewart. He's the most feminine. I don't know if I'd say that. Oh, I lost it. I would say though that what's the biggest erogenous zone? The funny bone. You want someone with a real sense of humor.

I'll tell you something. For the first 17 years of my life, I did not find that to be true. But anyway, so he goes on. I don't want to end up. Wait, so like when you were three, when you trying to make girls laugh to get in their pants? Like, even Freud talks about latency,

very insurmountable. I don't want to indulge these slash fictionites. Instead, I'm thinking about the missed casting opportunities for the original peaches and movies past and future. Those musters steward as Johnny Cash and walked the line. Dan is inevitably E or in the winning the poo movies. I liked that being mentioned as Johnny Cash,

a man with substance abuse problems, led Stuart to briefly pause and bring a course of light to his lips and then decided, eh, I'll drink it anyway. Maybe it's the key to my music. Elliott has Gilbert Godfrey and my forthcoming biopic, Voice of an Angel. Don't appreciate it. My question is- I don't even sound like him.

My question. I'm not going to say my voice is an irritating, but it's not his voice. My question to you three, Magi, is, are there any roles in existing films you would like to have played and why? I'll feel this first because since I picked these questions, I've actually had some time to think of something. Not to steal an answer from our friends over at Jordan Jesse Goh who talked about this recently, but I think you I who grew up as a theater nerd, I have thought about musicals that I could be in. And I think that would be a lot of fun. I mean, I would not be as good as Robert Preston,

who was brilliant in that role. Of course not. No fans. I mean, he's fantastic. He was amazing. He's amazing. He created the role basically. I mean, he makes you forget how much older

than Shirley Jones is. But it's like the way he said it was like, you know what? I'd love to be in the Godfather. I don't think it'd be as good necessarily as Marlon Brando. You leave just a little wiggle room for someone to be like, no, no, I think it would be as good as the defining answer who was in that room. No, I don't know. It was not for it's fishing for that.

But also, I think it would be fun. It would be fun. You take, you know? I think it would be fun. There's into the woods is coming out. I've always thought it would be fun. You take, you know? I think it would be fun. There's into the woods is coming out. I've always thought it would be fun to play the wolf. Yeah, I can see you. I think maybe with Johnny Depp's track history with musicals, maybe I could give him run for his money on that one,

more than the Robert Preston thing. He's okay. You could give his hat a run for its money. It's not as cool as his other hats. But I don't know if you guys think that. So Stan playing his hat? Yeah. It's a little Dan per but I don't know if you guys was staying playing his hat. Yeah, it's a little Dan first on Johnny Devs.

Sitting what Indian style. Yeah, why not? And I'm just don't move Dan. Don't move. This is your big friend thing. Have saying like a hat. How would a hat react in this situation? You are a hat. He's every other. He He surprised I got a flip upside down and then land back on his head perfectly. I their roles that you guys would like to be in a movie. Like if you had the chance to. Yeah, I mean, I think I think the obvious one would be to say like a star lord type character. Oh, yeah, I can see that.

Yeah. Or I mean, the dream role. Maybe a garden guardian of the guys. I could, I could go over the gale. Yeah, let's see. Well, you're regular rocket record. Uh, well, I would, I would say like my, my dream role would be like Jack Burton in Big trouble in all China.

That's a good one. That's a good one. I mean, once again, I am in no way saying I'm as good as Kurt Russell in that role. I think we can all just say none of us they grow as good as the actors who actually played these roles. But like I just look like I would like to think that I could play a character who gets by more on Kurt as well. Kind of gets by on his wits but his wits are pretty dumb.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that movie. I mean if I wasn't a tiny add of shape guy, then Spider-Man would be... Oh yeah, that's the character I would like to play. Now, what would this be on these days? I feel like you could do it. And I'm certainly looking forward to when my son's old enough playing superhero with him and being those characters that's close to getting to being a movie.

Yeah, you could be like, I see you being a real good black Adam. Uh, sure. Because my son's big Captain Marvel fan. Uh, he only wants to do the scene where Billy Bats and meets the wizard shazam and a cave. But I think, but if I, a different question, if I could be any fictional character, then there's no question. It would be Nick Charles. I may have said this before.

Oh, yeah. Nick Charles from the Thinman series is, he's a debonair. He's a T-Totler though. He has lots of fun. Well, he is by the end of the series. Look, if I had that much fun drinking, I'd be drunk all the time like him.

And he's married to Merleloy. Does it get any better? Yeah. All right. He has a cute dog. They solve crimes. They're rich. Yeah.

It's a pretty sweet life. Life could be a dream if you were Nick Charles, a fictional character. So the last letter of the evening goes a little something like this. It's from, well, we'll get to it. It goes, Dearest Peaches. It's a story.

I am a massively colossal fan of the flop house. You fellas are my go-to, non-music, non-sports-related entertainment when I run. I can't put my finger on what makes your podcast such a riveting exercise diversion. It must be either Ellie's insistence on cutting Dan off at every turn. Stuart, what's that like? Call it on a second. Stuart's insistent on cutting Dan off at every turn. What are you talking about? Or Dan's brains and butt parts. Dan's brains insistence. I want that to be in Latin, the model and your family crest, Stuart.

Boo-bom, bottom up part of. I'm cutting Dan off at every turn. I'm such a flop fan. In fact, then I took the seemingly ridiculous step of asking the three of you to write a comic book, specifically the Flash Gordon Holiday Special that's on sale December 17th from Dynamite Entertainment.

At comic book stores everywhere? Yeah. Which I packaged and edited. Three stories that span the cosmos, each one written by a flapper, each one set during a different holiday. Winter holiday. And there's a parenthetical, Elliott and Stewart, please feel free to hum dramatically during this next part and do space fighting sound effects.

Pupu! during this next part and do space fighting sound effects. Pew, pew, pew! Shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, shhh, Sorry, I did what is going on? We discovered it's written down only to discover that a far away Yours story that's the other thing you should be able to wing it Bob only to discover that a far away Forish world already has Christmas Question She'll as Ellie Kaelin Steven Daly

Enter her at the end of the Chronicle of the Exploits and alone And alien beast warrior, abandoned on her planet after a failed invasion of Timch by meeing the merciless. But what could a beast man have in common with a Jewish family trying to celebrate Hanukkah at a costal town, and a spilt, which drew her well into it, and Laura Margareta present Dale Arge, size reporter, Brooklyn, fear, girlfriend, ex-boyfriends, a big-ass crab, and walking talkies. And parentheses, humming can stop here. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Yeah, all right. So could people hear that? I don't know anyway three different winter stories

That was a large reason why I fucked up You asked us to do it dude This guy asked us to do it and who is this guy? Well, we're getting to it You might ask you think you would have given us enough information by now to know his name You might ask why would a comic book editor be compelled to collaborate with three guys who would willingly watch and ruminate upon the likes of Marmaduke, Outskross, the Ogilovs, after Earth, and nearly all of late period Nicholas Cage's canon? I reached out because of your obvious affinity for comics, and formidable ability to find fun and even the direst of storytelling sinkholes, and I'm happy to relay to fellow listeners

that none of the peaches disappointed, Your stories are packed with fun and personality and heart, fully accessible to new readers and can all be enjoyed even by those. Who don't usually read comics. You all came to work with tremendous talent and discipline, even party dude Stewart who I expected to deliver a stream of devil make care cool guy excuses for why he took six months to turn in a script and why I was written in Sharpie on beer coasters. This was not the case. Stu's a pro. Also in dance story.

Stu's a pro. You blown up my spot, put me on blast, etc. Also in dance story. Not a single mention of an alien wife, but surprising, but still entertaining. One of the story ideas you pitched didn't evolve porn though. Yeah, well, sure, but that's because there was the flesh Gordon. Some doubt of the story. And then we'll have whatever year that is.

We'll have a new forerunner for the most boring stories or continue, Daniel. So thanks for jamming out on a great comic, gentlemen. And I hope all of your fans will seek out a copy of your great comic this holiday season. Keep up the great flops, fellas. Nate Cosby, last name withheld, comic book editor, job title withheld. So there you go. The Flash Gordon Holiday Special, written by us Jerks, edited by the great Nate Cosby You thought I'd be the letters, but you got a plug you got that last letter was a commercial I was a stealth plug. This was a regular like someone with invisible hair. This was a regular

Red Rider little or Finani Oval team ad right in the middle of your radio program. You got Christmas story So thank you for all of those letters. Thank you for sending them. Thank you for reading them, and thank you for living them. But now it's time for us to recommend, no, what do we do now? Movies that we saw that we actually liked. Oh, okay.

Thanks you should watch instead of spending an hour and 22 minutes in the company of Justin and Kelly Are they coming over? I You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna zoom through this because You're just running on slamming out. Yeah, but I've also I've got I've I caught up with a bunch of the prestige Pictures of this year. Who do you want to play in yourself then? Well, we had Thanksgiving week off and I got a lot of screeners and I went to the movies in the theater and I saw a bunch of movies all of which I enjoyed to wonder here another I saw interstellar which I liked I saw whiplash which I liked a lot

I saw Birdman which apologies to our friends got to bias over at the dissolve I enjoyed a Good deal and he's gonna track you down, do you know? Yeah, I know. But you just earned yourself a bruising. I was cruising for it. So yeah, yeah, it's really my own. Just like in the movie Cruising. That's what that's about, right? Yeah. Yeah. Come on down. But the movie that I think I'm going to recommend is inherent vice, the new PT Anderson. Where'd you see that?

Oh, God. I saw it in a screening, again, a writer's guild screening. And I will say that I enjoy that movie about as much as one can enjoy any film that you understand, about 40% of, because it marries the... Was it an Esperanto? Well, it marries the... Was it in Esperanto? Well, it marries the incomprehensible plotting of something like Chandler's The Big Chill,

or Big Sleep, sorry. No, no, Raven Chandler's The Big Chill, whether trying to solve the mystery of the collectivic costar. Immediately. Goddammit. We're all gonna, all the suspects are here. I guess we'll dance to some Motown songs.

It combines these mean kitchens. My end must go. It combines the plotting of something like the big sleep with the incomprehensible pros of Thomas Pension. Yeah, I've always tried to read Rhyme so many times. Yeah, I mean, and in hair and vices, it's supposed to be his most accessible book, but even that I gave it a whirl, was not a fan, but I enjoy the movie a lot, mostly for its texture and feel, which is what you're left with. Feledy. When you can't understand really what's going on.

I mean, I got the broad strokes, but there are some mystery threads that are left widely hanging by the film, but it's it's it's it's it's it's a hard movie to explain. Do you see it in a 70 millimeter? No, okay, I it's a movie that I'm already No, but I mean there was a big point about how it was screened in 70 millimetre 70 I know that was shot in ice. I know shot in 35 millimeter using film So it has old time film texture, but I could be totally wrong. I think that

In the interstellar I thought it was a 70 millimetre. Yeah, but I thought it was those two And Interstellar, I thought it was a 70 million. Yeah, but I thought it was those two. Oh. Don't write in and tell us because we don't care. But I mean, write in, we'll just ignore it. Talk about on Twitter, say Stuart Rules. If I'm wrong, don't say anything. No, say Stuart Rules, if you're wrong.

I guess that's fair. You know, if you like the vibe of something like Altman's along goodbye, there's a lot to like in this. And as much as I did not fully feel like I got everything that the movie was trying to do, I also want to see it again. Hey, you felt like you had this experience. It's stuck with me.

You had this experience. How would it fit within the Paul Thomas Anderson canon? Because we need to fit it in there and fire it at the castle we're besieging. But there are Paul Thomas Anderson canon. Behind the change-shot. Change Chain job will destroy the defenders, rip through their heads, and then a copy of their will be blood, takes out the main ramparts. Yeah, pops out of their bodies.

I will say that it may rank the lowest for me with a possible obsession of a heart eight, which I've seen once and a long time ago. So I don't know what. Well, would you like heart eight less than Magnolia? That's what I was thinking too. Oh, no, no, you know, I like this better than Magnolia. Okay. So I don't know.

Magnolia is right in the world. Magnolia has a great first seven minutes. I mean, I like Magnolia, but it's got, it's also got a lot better. I mean, it's weird that he licensed out a movie like that to be a bakery. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, that's one for the New Yorkers, the sex in the city fans.

I apologize. I totally forgot that Magnolia was a PT Anderson film. So anyway, it's a PT 109. So that's my recommendation. That was more of a gonch droid. Yeah. Where do you want to go with this? Huh?

Wait, like which one of us does a recommendation? I'm going to do two recommendations. Boom. Holy shit. I have one go with this. Huh? Wait, like, which one of us does a recommendation? I'm going to do two recommendations. Boom, holy shit. I have one movie to recommend. A double shot. So go last. So the first movie I'm going to recommend is another prestige picture called the Hobbit Battle Five

Armies. It's a little known independent film. Dan, I got to see a early screening of this. I don't think that if you have not been a fan of the earlier two films, unexpected journey and desolation of smog, this will not make a convert of you. If you go into it, not like expecting to be mad or not like it, don't watch this movie. Spend your two and a half hours. That's right.

It's only two and a half hours long. Spend those hours doing something else. Or as Jack and Jackson calls it, a, watch it. A live action short. A live action short. Wait, watch Casper League. What's the the half-sunnet? Yeah. You'll get to the weird part the second time through.

So no, but it is, I said that I thought it was the best of the three and you agree. Yeah, I think you had a good point that at least for me and I think you said it too. Like the original trilogy, though it didn't have a particularly noticeable dip in quality started off stronger and went downhill as opposed to the habit, which kind of starts a little shaky, but picks up steam as it goes along.

It actually feels like Peter Jackson listens to his critics a little bit because this last one moves at a pretty good clip. So that's what I'm recommending. That's my catchphrase. Yeah, this is chill. And then I'm also going to recommend another movie that has been getting a lot of press. I'm going to recommend The Bobbidook, which is an Australian horror film.

It's basically about a ghost with the big ass How long are you working on that as soon as I said I was gonna recognize the way you said You're like the wedding nightline miss its chance when they had Nicki Minaj The working title was Pulitzer trunk So yeah, it's a it's a horror film About a single mother who's raising a six-year-old child, and they discover a scary pop-up book. It's super effective, super frightening. Play's not a lot of themes that adults, particularly parents, will find frightening.

Hey, that's me, I'm the audience for that. So, you should totally watch it and be prepared to be scared. Be scared. Ah, in a way I wouldn't have been scared a year ago. Watch it with the lights on and then turn them off, because it's scarier that way. Okay. Watch it with the lights on and then turn the lights off

because it's just like sex. It's scarier when the lights are off and you're wearing masks. I laid it, I think it's your turn. I recommend two movies. Yeah, you did recommend two movies and then having sex with masks on because it's scarier. So I'm going to go a different way. I haven't gotten to see really any new movies because what are you going to do?

That's life as a- I got a baby or something? I do have a baby or something. So you're gonna recommend an old movie? I am gonna recommend an older movie and hey, it's Elliot. Have an old foreign film. Oh, you guessed it. This is a movie that fell under my philosophy of,

if it looks interesting, on Turner Classic movies from the program guide description, I will record it and try it. And I'm glad that I did. This is a Russian movie called Nine Days in One Year from 1964, directed by Mikhail Rom and starring a couple actors. You may recognize from other Russian films in the period. One of them was also the star of the cranes are flying, which people may know.

But, anyway, nine days of one year in one year is a love triangle between three physicists, two men and one woman, or it starts that way at least. And one of the physicists is more devoted to his work than the others, but as a result of that, he receives a life-threatening dose of radiation. And so he has to decide whether he's going to keep working

and risk another dose that might kill him or he's going to Try to survive and devote himself to his wife, but he believes the work he is doing is so important that it's hard to tear away Mike dr. Manhattan In a way, yeah, except instead of getting naked blue superpowers. He's just noticeably frailer But for a movie that sounds a little dry from that and it is a story about a guy who's torn in Soviet Russia between saying he needs to design a new type of fusion reaction for the people and trying to Propagandaistic or kind of flat, but actually the characters in it are very real feeling and well-rounded. There's particularly a scene where the female character after she marries one of the scientists is lying in bed thinking about how she is a bad wife. She can't cook well. She can't clean well. And what it really is is that she's feeling trapped in this role that she feels like she has to do, but she's not really happy with. But it's something that you wouldn't, you don't see a lot of in movies, I feel like

a character turning on themselves that way, their internal model log over their relationship or whatever. But anyway, but there's a lot of funny jokes in it too. And the title comes from the fact that all the scenes are set in nine days of this one year period. And I guess I think it's actually a little bit more than a year, but it literally says like day one, there's a little bit of narration and we see that day, day two, and we see the relevant scenes from that day months later. And is it a dub to do I have to read it?

You're gonna have to read it in the 17th load. But I think the entire movie is available on Moss Films YouTube channel, possibly. I think it's also a, maybe it's Moss Films, which is Moscow film. I mean, it was one of the big studio, it's still not like, not yes, no, no, it's not Moss like growing on things

because of moisture. But we're the whole movie I think might be on in the criterion section of Hulu. But it's well worth seeing, nine section of Hulu, but it's well worth seeing nine days and one year. I highly recommend it. All right. All guys.

I feel like we need to wrap up before Elliot's nose literally goes off its face. It's getting late and I am sick. Sure. Yeah. And then it would be like another classic Russian story that knows by By who? Go go. Oh yeah. The guy wakes up, his nose is missing and he finds that he can't turn into a cockroach. That's a different.

He can't. He can't get a Kafka. France Kafka. French Kafka. Yeah. He finds that he's turned into a sexy roach who is trying, he sees a cat with a striped on its back and assumes it's a lady roach and keeps trying to rape it. Peppy, look, I have to go to work.

Peppy, let Joseph K. That's what's called a literary mashup. Yup, it's a regular pride and prejudice in Zombos. So, those are cool zombies. That's Zombros. Thanks for the long time. Those are zombies that were Umbrose soccer shorts. That's our cool zombies. It's on bros. Thanks for those are zombies that were on bros soccer shorts. Thanks for being with us. Thanks to the contest winner Jason McKisak for recommending from Justin to Kelly and fuck you for recommending.

Commanding whoa to Kelly who are you stood and for the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy for the flop house I've been Stewart Welling Tom and from the flop house. I we're not getting paid for this good enough um yeah effort so effort hard and then a for breaking be or the peak some call it a V or a C if you're nasty or the M. We're the E? Alright, in. I had a coffin going on. Might as well be a joke about a vampire. It seems this vampire.