The Flop House - Episode #171 - No Good Deed

Episode Date: February 7, 2015

Flop House repeat offender Idris Elba romances Taraji P. Henson in the Valentine's Day favorite No Good Deed. Wait, did we say "romances?" We meant "terrorizes." Meanwhile Elliott tells us of James Bond films of the future, Dan tries to play a game of Radio Zork, and Stuart introduces the new Sweet Amazing Candy Penis.Movies recommended in this episode:RomaHappy ChristmasCoherence

Just in time for Valentine's Day, we talk about the home invasion romantic comedy, No Good Deed. That's gotta be a mistake. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy, and I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalen. all three together. We did it successfully remembered all of our own name We did it. It was tough for those people said we couldn't they said we shouldn't oh we did for those of you two Turning I got this for those of you turning you for the first time. So does you turn it to a little bit? This is an old timey radio play where you get to be the hero. Okay, so you approach the old mansion expecting to receive your inheritance. In the upstairs window you see the silhouette of the nowager countess. It's a combination of old time radio and

Zork. Because old time Zork. In my day we didn't even have text adventures. We had to hear it being said to you. Do you, A. We shouted at the audio. Use key. We would say, and the radio would not do anything. We were like, put key in lock. The radio still wouldn't do it. We had to write try key on lock on a piece of paper and mail it to the radio station. They would tell you the votes and then next week we'd find out what we did. Most of the show was an ad for Fudge. Bakersfield Fudge, sponsor of Radio Zork. You have to, you bake Fudge. Bakersfield F Cal. Oh my God. Boy, do I wish that this podcast was more of this rather than more actually going to talk about it?

Could we make the rules? We control the horizontal, the vertical, everything. Okay, so since you guys missed the possible options, you can just email me and I'll give you all your possible actions later. In Radio Zork, brought to you by Bakersfield Fudge. The Bakersfield is. It's also the Pudgeist. We both went different directions, but the same direction at the same time.

Most people go both ways. ACDC, they call. Anyway, so this is the Flapp House, where we watch a bad movie. It's a movie podcast, right? Well, I wouldn't call it a movie podcast. So much as a comedy podcast about movies. So it's like a comedy bang bang, I think.

It's one of those comedy Bingbongs and... He Bingbong. It's not like a boot like Chinatown. Not even my joke. Scott Arcoman does that on his own shows. I don't know. Listen to that show. It's a good show.

Am I on that show? If not, then I don't want to listen to that show. It's a good show, not on my work. Am I on that show? If not, then I don't want to listen to it. It's not even on our network. We shouldn't promote it. Well, now, is that Univision? Your wolf. I once had an awkward conversation with Scott Ackerman, though. He puts the awkward in awkward.

But he was very nice. Anyway. So is that the movie we watched? A film of your conversation with Scott Ackerman? Yeah, it was made in the... It's an onic, dude. It's like an an a film of your conversation with Scott argument? Yeah, it's an onic don't It's like an anecdote, but with awkward Onix out made of onics No, this is I tried to say earlier. There's a podcast we watch bad movie and then we talk about it

So podcast about movies. No a podcast about talking yes And the movie we watched tonight was called No Good De- No Good De. No good movie. Oh, I'm bad. So petty. This kid has got claws. It starred Teraji P. Henson and Idris Elba. Yes. Yeah. That's a fact that I can, yes, back up. I will confirm the evidence supports you. Two of the brightest stars. The Hollywood from the Hollywood Firmament is that the motorcycle movie industry. The Hollywood Firmament. Yep. So, you know, drive right on down. Harley Davidson and the Marlboro man. That's one of the movies best known in the

Hollywood F a minute. Do you think that? Get more weird words to say. That's how it's gonna work. Easy writer and of course, easy writer, the ride back. Sure. So this was what? A movie.

We watched a movie, Dan. As we said, it started. What sort of degenerative thing is eating away at your brain? It's like a brain. It's like a worm of some kind. Yeah, like Star Trek, whatever. Generative thing is eating away at your brain Yeah, like Star Trek whatever It was in the movie So it yourself this is what the third flop house movie he's been in Well, he's in prom night. He was in obsessed

He was the object of obsession and Leslie bib is in this who was also in two other flop house movies She's in zookeeper and she was in what law-biting citizens that's yes and uh... you know what both actors that i like think her talent is people making bad choices like you more than like it yourself up if the sounds you are making low in your throat during the movie or anything go by. Yeah, daddy like. Daddy like Danny. It's like Danny. Danny, daddy like.

Daddy Danny. More address. Never call yourself daddy again. Oh, that's more elbow. Like some kind of like 1930s tap dancing pedophile. Yeah, you'd like more? Yeah, you'd like more address. You've had your fill of elbow.

Like Napoleon, you would like to get off of Elba. He's a handsome man. We all know that. Oh sure, he's very handsome. You know, the internet wants him to be James Bond. Sure. Maybe when people listen to this podcast in the future, he'll already be James Bond.

I'm not really. So let's just call him James Bond, did you sell that? Yeah, this will be like a, you know, trip down memory lane to back when Idris Elba made terrible choices. And in this movie, he does not yet have a license to kill as we'll see. In the future. And let's just assume we'll just assume that it's the future.

Now he is James Bond and the first James Bond movie he was in of the 13 that he made was called the Limbriger Cheese Mystery. And the future we're all space tycoons. Interesting naming convention, they changed. It was called James Bond and the Limbriger Cheese Mystery. It was called one of our decklings is missing, starting James Bond. That was followed by James Bond and the secret of the sinister clock. And then of course, James Bond in Baby Sitters Club after dark.

James Bond solves the mystery of the farting mummy. He turns out beans were wrapped in with the mummy wrapping. Ian Flumming's who goes there? It's James Bond. Sorry, Idris Elba. Idris Elba will return as James Bond in another, another stay count. Too many donkeys.

I wanna see the James Bond, when we go too many donkeys so badly now. I love this. Miss Monty Penny. There's so, Donkey is turning off. There's too many donkeys. We've got to get to the bottom of it. That's in your cell, but by the way.

It's all turning universe. Where James Bond movies were all made by 1960's live action Disney. Yeah. Yep. They're all like seven hours long. James Bond in the MI Apple Dumplin gang. What M is played by Fred McMurray. License to wear tennis shoes on a computer. Dean Jones is cute. So wait, what this movie about? And so Haley Mills and Haley Mills as Blowfeld. So this movie is called No Good D.

There's no good D. This is a movie that did not screen for critics, right? It was, I don't know, we're about to be pretty critical. But they were, it was held for us tonight. Yeah, but it was held back because they claimed the yeah, yeah, I like that. It couldn't pass the core curriculum test. I was held back so that critics wouldn't ruin the twist for audiences. He will ruin the twist. Oh, it's like, oh Henry had sex with M. Knight Shomalon and they gave birth to Chubby Checker. That's what a kind of twist it is.

to Chubby Checker. That's what a kind of twist it is. Yeah. It's like Tony Twister Ellie had a baby with like a braid because the hair's twisted. Yeah, and that baby grew up and married a pretzel twist. Yeah. Okay. And then... I know that's legal. And their baby Was like it was name Thomas Whist

Inventor of the card game of the same name. So let's talk about this movies about So Idris Elba that we we find out quickly with the movies about because the first five to ten minutes is all exposition Idris Elba is Colin Evans. Wait a minute. So, did you just say, I wished, now the... Okay, that is an actual game, I've got one second, it's not just something that Finneas fog talks about. No, it is a game. It's a game for the wistful. But you sit around with a group

and you just think back to your happiest childhood memories and how innocent they were. By the way, I was speaking of which, I would love to know how to play P-Nuckle. Just because... Put some P's on your knuckles. That's how you play it. And then you just weird people out with it.

Yeah, okay. Hey, like this, what are you doing? This P-Nuckle. So what's the deck of cards I bought in the store for? That's for, um, uh... That's for the 52 naked ladies, huh? In case you can masturbate to that or if you ever meet the devil devil you can win a game of poker against him and get a magic bag You can stuff death into

Speaking of stuffing death of the things. There's a lot of death being stuff to do this movie It starts with Idris Elba as Colin Evans who is in jail for manslaughter because he got into an argument with a man at a bar and killed him And he's also suspected of killing five women. But they couldn't prove that. We're not laughing at the idea of killing five women, by the way. It's just thrown in as kind of an afterthought. He's the head of the movie. He's also kind of a modern-day Jack the Ripper.

But mostly it's this manslaughter bar brawl. He is being taken to his pro hearing. He's in Tennessee. He has denied a pro hearing because one of the men on the council diagnosis him as what was it like an aggravated narcissist. Yeah, yeah, something like he's got his number. He's a no-sism as a crazy man. Yeah, he's a crazy man. Much like accurately accurate like he's the real hero of this movie.

Much like the pal and presperer film he's a black narcissist and they do not let him at a jail. He is mad about it. And so on the ride, on the ride back to the jail, on the man. So, so he is more of a genius.

Evil genius Paul Reiser is in jail. Is that Hannah Barbarra dog that just weasers? Is that what it laughs? You're doing that, Richembourg. No, Wesley? Dogzo? Yeah. What was it?

Dogzo. Dogzo Von Lapsing? Yeah. What was his name? Mutley. Mutley. It was part of wacky racers, right? Wacky racers.

Okay. There were only a few wacky racers. Eskimo. That's one. Hannah Barbarra is actually a wacky racer. That's one. And then, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy,

the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy, the other guy,oy. So you've pulled chapter and there it is, Greene. So we've made it five minutes into the next. Slightly better than Charlie Chan and the amazing Chan clan. So we're Hong Kong Fui. There were a lot of racist cartoons coming out of that studio. And man, Jabra Jo, it's not like all sharks or drummers. No, but they do all sound like Curly. So Idris Elba is in a van back to jail.

Captain Caveman, really. Captain Cave person. Exactly. And he's got those two babes with him. I thought it was three babes. Okay, there's a lot of babes. There are a lot of babes. Especially since he is basically a hairy thumb

with arms and legs and some sort of magic high-tech club. Yeah, there's like a little bird living inside his club. How did he get that? I don't know, it was given by like Guaú or something to navigate. Now this now, Interseleba is knows he's going back to jail, it's been denied parole. And so he manages to escape killing both of the elderly

or out of shape guards that are guarding this hulk of a man. Interstellable, maybe in the best shape of any person can hope to be in without being Thor. Yeah, certainly, probably any man in his 40s, as it was, Elbe is, like he is a well-preserved specimen of a man. Well, he drinks from aldehyde. Oh, okay.

I guess that's the secret. Really? You need like a Jurassic Park joke or something? Well, he drinks from aldehyde. Oh, okay. I guess that's the secret. We like it. We need like a Jurassic Park joke or something. Sure. I guess. Yeah, Idris Alba is kept inside the frozen bottom of a fake shaving cream can that Wayne Knight smuggled off an island. So that's why he's in such good shape for a 40 year old. I get it.

So meanwhile, in Atlanta, Georgia, hot land as it's called called one of the fastest growing cities in the United States Okay, home of CNN and Coca-Cola. It's a Delta hub feel like you've been Burnt at buzzburts to the ground during the Civil War Atlanta has regrown and more so okay, and now 150 years later It's ready to shine. Oh, yeah, what's this Atlanta won't you? What's this check from the Atlanta Chamber of Commerce? They see poking out of your body. That's a coincidence That's a different Atlanta. That's Atlantis. Atlantis paid me to uproar them.

Speaking of which, have you ever wanted to go under the sea? Under the sea to a place where mermaids can watch you pee? They don't believe in private bathrooms in Atlantis because it just water everywhere. No, at this point, the podcast listeners thinking, they've wasted too much time. They're not gonna be able to get through the plot of this movie.

Oh no, my friends. Oh, contrainer barely any plot of this movie. So in Atlanta, Terry Granger, played by T'rajipi Hanson. She is with her young baby and her daughter, Ryan. And she's mad because. She looks haggard. She looks hairy.

I don't know if it's a haggard. I'd say she's an old woman. She looks like haggard. She looks hairy. I don't know if it's a haggard. I'd say she's an old woman. She looks like haggard. She looks like, yeah, she's a bearded, and monster- But the other great monster is she's caring for two children. She is. Which is kind of like monsters.

Oh, I know. No, it knows, but yeah. Very much so. Like, Gremlin living in my house. The cutest little Gremlin here. Let me show you some pictures, guys. Okay, well. Anyway, here he is, in the bathtub.

Damn, stop looking at it like this. I was, that's guys. Anyway, here he is, in the bathtub. Dan, stop looking at it like this. I wasn't, that's not. Anyway, so she tells her best friend, Lesley Bibb, jogs by, and she basically expresses what a tired, exhausted mom she is, and Lesley Bibb is like, well, you should go out with your husband, but her husband, Jeffrey, is not, doesn't want anybody to do with the kids.

He is always at work, and this weekend, he's going with his dad on a golfing trip for his dad's birthday. He only shows up to pack and does not help with the children. He is a bad dad, even more so than Jard Butler in the movie, bad dad soccer dad. Yeah. However, he's got this really cool deep voice

and a creepy devil beard. Yeah, if this was another movie, she would be married to the devil, basically. Everything about him screams bad dude. Exactly. He's a orange polo shirt, which is little to hide here. Totally ripped fizzy. There's something about a guy who's really ripped wearing a polo shirt and khaki pants that looks like when a porn actor is supposed to be like a businessman or an accountant. And you're like, there's no way that this guy who looks like he was in jail because of all the tattoos and the ripped abs he has is like an accountant

who's being seduced by this milk. Come on, it's not happening. But it's also kind of interesting casting. I'm not saying that he, as in any way, comes off as a criminal, it's just like, it's hard for me to buy a really ripped guy wearing a polisher and taggy pants. I also find it though, kind of interesting casting that they made Tarajapese Hanson's husband, like such a handsome ripped dude,

considering that later on, we're supposed to be like, oh, you know, she's lusting after. She is a tight dude, it's alba. Handsome ripped dude. I think you're all women. Kind of that type. You should have been my limited experience talking to ladies.

She should have been married to more like the handsome and the must go. She should have been married to more of like an Erkult type, I guess. I feel like Gilbert Godfrey time. Gilbert Godfrey time. But you're like really, really sad that the hurt like desperate need to like have. I don't know. I mean, he could have been a nice looking man who wasn't like a fucking adonist. He didn't have to look like a calendar pinup. Yeah.

He didn't have to, the fact that she's married to a parallelion underwear, busy underwear model. Yeah. Well, I think the producers were probably like, we need a guy whose clothes are gonna fit Idris later on in the movie. That's a good point. Although, I think it would have made the movie more charming

if the clothes didn't go into it. He's wearing this tiny shirt. Yeah. He burst through it. Yeah, like the cell memory of the... The camping container. He reaches to close a window and the sleeve just rips right off.

Have a surreal eye. Because I'm constantly going into other people's homes and putting on their shirts. It's my fetish. So Colin is stalking a woman, Alexis, who it turns out was his fiance before he was thrown in jail. Uh, he, he stalks her to her house and confronts her with evidence that she's been seeing another man and that she never answered any of his letters.

Uh, this is what she kept them all. Yeah, but she kept them all. Like, he can't answer with these like, unopened letters that I guess she kept in a pile, like in a drawer, like do not read from crazy guy. He's like this. She treats her letters from Rex fiance and jail. The same way I treat New Yorker magazine. I leave it in a pile in the bathroom.

It takes me a while to get through them. So it might be two years behind on it. Yeah. And if what's this face who did a fresh prince of ballet or wrote any of those,'s his face you don't read it will Smith what the fuck the bad political any borough it's yeah take that Andy Borowitz burn a lot of comedy bridges dad any more listen up man Scott Alcherman you don't care who's toes you step I like Scott Alcherman he was just stop

plugging Scott Alcherman dude we don't even know him why you step down. I like Scott Arkerman. He was just a little weird. Stop plugging Scott Arkerman. Dude, we don't even know him. Why are you doing so much work for him? Anyway, he confronts her at home, and in the process gets mad and snaps her neck and then hits her dead body with a lamp. Hey, Choke slams her. Well, because she starts bragging about how much sex

she's having with this guy. Yeah, he gets her mad and she starts taunting him. And she's like, is that what you want to hear? It is not. He snaps her neck. Yeah, she's like, maybe this guy who's been known to have violent outbursts in regards to jealousy, wants to hear about the awesome sex.

Yeah, wants to hear about this other guy's sweet, amazing penis. So sweet, it shoots out. I don't know what it was just see her. Next penis, next time you don't get a penis, try out sweet and amazing. Next penis, next time you get a penis, try a sweet amazing. The homemade penis. Brought to you by Baker's Field Fudge. Amish made penis and Baker's Field Fudge.

Two great tastes that taste great together. Double penetrate your mouth with ease. And now back to radio zork. Well looking through the responses it seems that 79% of you wrote to put the lock the key to the lock. So let's try it. You try the key on the lock. The key does not work. Do you turn around, try the next key, or hit the lock with a hammer. We need to be announced by a servant. Next week we'll hear the answer on Radio Zork. Zork, Zork, Zork.

Brought to you by Bankersfield Fudge and sweet amazing Venus. So anyway. On WOR, old time radio, the way it used to be now. Oh boy, this is, I kind of want to make this podcast now, which is just radio. Radio's our, yeah, sure. The slowest moving.

I guess in the world. I've been listening. I'm, okay, I'm 45 episodes in. They're almost through the door. No, just wait for another person to arrive so you can use their key. There's kind of needs something awesome on the other side of this door.

If you unlocked it and turned the knob, if you push the door open slightly, say A, if you push the door open very forcefully, say B, if you push the door open somewhere in the middle, say C, then it's like weeks of, if you like to push the door further, the door is not open far enough for you to squeeze through. If you like to push the door open further, right in. All the writers in the back room are like, oh, we haven't figured out what's behind the door yet.

After this, it's got to be something amazing. Your hands feel- It's a guy just making this stretch sign for- In the writer's room. I just make this stretch side for in the writers room They just put pasta in his hands if he's gonna do it It is well make advantage of it anyway That's when Colin after killing those people What's Terry is alone at home with these people is one person and her best friend Leslie bib and her are gonna Hang out and have a girl's night drinking wine and talking about penises

Collin delicious. Me in a rainstorm. Crazy crashes his car and goes to the first house. He sees Terry's house there He knocks on the door and presents himself as a man who's been in accident and here's the here's the moment where so I wasn't in the room When he crashes car was it like a Ken Marino and wet-hot American summer situation I wasn't in the room when he crashed his car. Was it like a Ken Moreno in wet-how-american summer situation? No, no, it's very hard to see in the rain and he's trying to control it in the wet weather. It's not a bad car crash.

And it like a branch goes to the windshield. It's like singing a song and not paying attention. Yeah, he's like, I'm walking on sunshine. Oh, but I'm driving in a rain storm. What? It just all belongs to makeup lyrics about what's going on. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know anybody like that. I totally know somebody. His name's Ali. Thank you. I appreciate it. We've known each other for a long time. He gets there. And this is the first of many moments where people react as if Idris Elba has a horrific

cut on his forehead. But I could not see it. It's barely visible. It's like they were going to put it in in post and then just forgot about it. And somewhere, there's on a computer, there's animation of an Idris Elba head bleeding cut that was never applied to the film. Yeah, yeah, where you can see like skull underneath, like totally like terminator two level terminator may get. But it's like a Zed Oichi type CGI blood where it moves around when the person's move around. So it's not on the same part of his head.

So anyway, he goes, he asks for, to use Terry's phone, he says, all weight outside, you can close the door. Totally reasonable request. He uses the phone, he calls a tow truck, he says, then she leaves the door open. Uh-oh, she comes back, he's not on the doorstep. Where is he? Can't remove it over slightly. Oh, he's still on the doorstep. Uh-oh. She comes back. He's not on the doorstep. Where is he? Camera moves over slightly. Oh, he's still on the doorstep. It's okay. And the musical cues like all the musicals cues in this movie is like super crazy like Every moment is underlined that they are Mickey Mouse sing the highlight of this suspense Eventually there's a one scene where it's just

jerking the straw. Yeah, and they're all dancing in a barn. With a bunch of farm animals. And they pull on a cat's tail to make the final note. Yeah. Yeah, he's just milking into time with the music, with their barnyard jamboree. Somebody's some he's playing in Zyla so we're not like a skeleton's ribgade.

Yeah, yeah. And the skeleton snatches the Zyla phone sticks away and goes, oh, bro. Anyway, she then he zips up. He zips up the dirt around. And a rose comes up. But the rose starts bopping along to the song. Sure. We sure know our silly symphonies.

Anyway, he's gonna have to wait outside the rain for the tow truck shows she invites him in. And this is a long sequence where nothing threatening happens at all. But the movie acts like lots of threatening. But I don't think that's a bad thing in a thriller. Like they could easily spend this time setting up like the geography of the house to make that more scary. But here's the thing. When we talked about house of the devil,

like a movie where barely anything happens, but it's tense throughout the whole thing. I'll tell you what they do now is the devil. Yeah, I'm like shit my pants the whole time, that movie. I'll tell you what the, well, that's a medical problem. It's only an hour and a half long, dude. I can shit my pants the whole time that movie I tell you what the did well that's a medical problem It's only an hour and a half long dude I can shit my pants I mean

I Can't figure this out so dehydrated next to you and it felt like I really locked up You were like yeah, you get up you and he was like no way this movie is just too scary Why you got your hands on your knees like that day and yet you're on Round me Round me Scary as we always watch our movies Cuddled up like that Fritz the cat cover your hands just going into the top of a stewards shirt Yeah, anyway, here's what house the devil does that no good deed does not do.

House the Devil plays with the quiet of the house and lets you read into it kind of how weird it is and the suspense of it. There's not a lot of music. And Tom Nounan's in it. Tom Nounan who is instantly much scarier than Idris Elba, just as sexy, but scarier. I don't know if I would want Tom Nounan's arms around me the same way I'd want Idris Elva's arms around me. We'll be like having like a pumpkin heads arms around you.

It's just these long, slightly things. Yeah, I haven't changed my stance on pumpkin heads arms around me. But with this movie, the music is, and the music in the way it's shot is constantly trying to get you to think it's suspenseful. And they keep flashing back to Idris Elva killing the woman we just saw him kill 10 minutes ago. Yeah, remember this? Yeah, hey, hey, I know Interstell was handsome, but don't forget he's killer. Don't forget he's a murderer. He's a bad dude. He's a murderer. But like even a movie like the guest plays with a character that you know is

dangerous, but they they like instead of showing you what they've done, they include like vocal cues or like facial expressions to make it scary. This is, this is relying so heavily on the music to provide scares and that's not the best way to do something. And also like the guess like plays with the fact that you can make, you can have a dangerous character who's also charming and like they,

I think they try and do a little bit of that here like in that Adresel is clearly like handsome to Terajipi Henson and she's attracted to him. But he's not. He has to nod everybody. Yeah, but he's not like, I don't like, he's not, he's not,

he's not interesting about him. He's not charming so much as he appears vulnerable at first. Yeah. And one thing I did like about that at least is that he is a scary guy who gets into a house by being somewhat realistically vulnerable. Like, not just like, oh, I was in a car crash, can I use your phone, but like, he keeps stepping back and making her kind of like invite him in or make moves.

But like, that's a thing I wish they had done better, like drawn out more that he is letting her draw him into this dangerous situation. Yeah, it's not like... It's not like... It's not like dangerous game. Penical. Man, it's hard about those peels.

It's very dangerous for the piece. Well, it's not like funny games where you have the invaders basically like making more and more effort to push themselves in and taking more and more liberties with this family, he doesn't do that. No, he does none of that and then it suddenly goes from zero to 60. Yeah, which ruins the movie at that point. Because Leslie Babe shows up. Before that, it was 100% movie.

Oh, it was impeccable. Oh yeah. This was... Cinematic Perfection. This was the Godfather we were watching. Yeah, this is so Leslie Bib shows up. What do you say? No, never. Leslie Bib shows up to have their girls night in. They're drinking wine with Indra Selba drinking red wine with white pants. That is dangerous. That's now that was the real threat That's that's how you know Leslie Bib likes to live on the edge. Yep. No farts allowed in those white Well, I'm Stuart Wellington my

No farts allowed the only show with no farting Leave him outside for a man who like to stick your body the window and and propel it outside No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I'll shut it up. Anyway, this is gross. It's like guilt saying. So, Lesley Bib goes on and on about how she doesn't want to get married, she just wants to have sex with all the penises she can find. She, the baby's sweet, amazing. Sweet, amazing. The baby starts crying and Taraji goes up to take care

of the baby. Lesley and Idris go out to the garage to have a smoke and Idris Elba toys with trying to make Leslie bib think that he's having an affair with Taraji B. Henson, P. Henson, and then Lesley bibs, sees through it so fast and says like, I'm gonna find out who you are. This is kind of the moment that I think we,

the viewer realizes that Idris Elba, he's not actually very good at this. No. He isn't like, he isn't some kind of like Machiavellian bad guy. He's not playing mind games with her very well. She sees through him almost instantly. And when she says, I'm gonna find out who we are.

His response is to hit her in the face of the shovel. Yeah. And he goes, hey, it's the way the shovel in the face, killing her. Things get pretty bad from there. He tells Meg, no, Meg is the other woman. He tells Terry that Meg left, but Terry sees Meg's umbrella right there.

And so she leaves. She never leaves without that umbrella. She loves that umbrella. It's attached to her arms. It's her lucky umbrella. It saved her life. And she tries to use the phone, the line has been cut. The lights go out for some reason,

even though later they're fine. And she goes upstairs to find Idrasoba playing with the daughter. As if there's nothing wrong with him, but she can see he's got a gun tucked in the back of his pants. This is a thinly veiled threat to her family. And a reference to a large penis, I think. I know of that. I think the gun is tucked into the back of his pants

to threaten any farts that think they want to stick their heads out. Hey, you stay inside or else you're gonna get blasted with a lead. She waste no time in getting him away from her daughter and then hitting him in the face of the fire extinguisher. Well, she sprays him first. Sprays him in the face, hits him in the head and he falls down a flight of stairs. And it's this point that we realize,

she is way better at this than he is. She's homeloning him, basically. She is homeloning him hard, because throughout the movie now, she hits him in the head with that, with some kind of lamp vase. She stabs him in the side with a knife. She stabs him again with a letter opener.

Like, she is doing so much damage. She's doing so many hit points damage to yourself, but he gets the upper hand because of the gun. And so after making her stand in the shower with him, and then they have a, which is actually kind of a good scene, which is a pretty icky like tent scene. Like if that was, and he starts rubbing his towel

against her face in a way that in a better movie would have been really like upsetting, you know, like that was a genuinely Yeah, like in towel games, the towel based funny game sequel, like that's one of those moments where you see like, oh, this could have been a really like unsettling movie. And then they he changes his shirt in front of her and he makes her change her shirt in front of him. And it's very creepy.

And then we're back to him hitting her hitting him in the head of the vase and like running around. Yeah, I mean, like, he gets beat up in a way that reminded me of nothing so much as like how in scream, like the murder gets spent most of his time being like hit like a three stooge's character, which works in a movie that's both a horror movie and a comedy. But here, what does this mean? I don't exist.

American Horror Story is inventing them right now. But when you're supposed to believe that this is like an actual threat that you're supposed to take seriously, it's very hard to believe in a threat where the woman who's at, it's supposed to be a danger. Can Alma, can Ed Will just beat this guy up?

And like, on the one hand, it's nice to see a movie where the woman is very capable. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited.

I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm it's a lot of it is, I think it's just the screenwriter is like, I don't know how to end the scene. I'm just gonna have him bonk him on the head.

She'll run to another room and then walk a new scene. Yeah. Well, it was written by Bonk of the, it's her most 64. The movie was originally titled head bonk. Yeah. It's like, they're in a game of cat mouths. If the cat and mouse are Tom and Jerry.

What do you say? I was just gonna say head bunker is also the set, like that sounds like a porn movie. But it's some kind of, I mean, it's just a blowjob movie. I mean, it's a caveman porn movie. Caveman porn is their big market for that? Yeah, there's another,

I think there's another, like it's like a bang bus sort of thing. But they don't have buses, where they ride a guy and drive. They have don't have buses. They ride a bike. They have giant stone wheels. They'll have bang wheels. Come inside this wheel. They just make any sense. It's going, it hang out in the middle of it, where the spoke would go.

Yeah, like you're rolling a tire down. You're real dizzy, so you can't really have sex. It's called cave bus. Anyway, so Colin eventually forces her to drive him around for a while with the kids and the cars that she manages to single, signal with her lights to a police car. Yeah, they stretch the movie out by including a police man character. The police officer pulls them over in a scene where if we didn't know Idris Elba was murdered, would totally be racial profile.

This police officer instantly suspicious of anything these black people are gonna say to him. Of course, he gets shot to death by Idris Elba. And after the policeman is like, ma'am, within a year, within a year's shot of Idris Elba, ma'am, were you trying to get my attention when you flash your lights, ma'am?

You know, when you flash your headlights at me, is that man not supposed to be in that car? That man holding, that man holding your, that man, that man holding your, that man. That man holding your baby. Yeah, good guy. Is he James Bond? Because then he has a license to kill.

It's okay. Man, is that guy holding your baby with his hands around her tiny, tiny neck? See that guy? That man who's a current physical threat to your children. The only thing that means more to you than life itself. Were you trying to sing all to me that he's a phrase of trouble?

That man with a super visible cut on his forehead, that no one else can see. That man that your other, that your other daughter clearly said was not your, your, your father. Is that man a danger to us? I like to think, oh, and I haven't even mentioned the magic baby who never gets upset or cries except at one time, even though he's being thrown around in closet. It's a baby expert now. I have one. So extrapolating from that,

that all babies are screaming all the time. Stuart, and maybe you're doing it right. A baby is like three dynamite explosives. You just jar it, a baby is like the trucks in wages of fear. You just one bad bump and they're just screaming all over the place. It's like all the vehicles in Las Vegas and Conair.

Like you even blow out an armored car, it's exploding. It was right up. You asked if Elliot was a baby expert. In my experience, anybody who has one baby is a baby expert. Yeah, Dana Carvey has a baby, all his materials are from now on. Your birth, parents. Take that. And not for pro-create.

And you stood the burn. Thinking that you know everything about babies. I mean, I know everything about one baby. Yeah. His name, Sammy. Let me show you some pictures. Oh boy, again. Every, and let me read you from a new book.

Everything you always wanted to know, Sammy, but didn't want to ask a question one. I definitely didn't want to ask anything about it. So he, the, the interseller shoots the policeman because we need another body. And then he forces Terry to drive him and the family to a house.

This house, wait a minute, when they get inside, it's the house where he killed his ex-fiancé, and she's still there. Terry's tied up or something, but gets out. It's like a chunk in a grooney sort of sort of Yeah, it's a full chunk scenario like a Like a chunk in one of those goonies Chunks one of those trouble stuff. Oh, there's one of chunks that are always getting tied up around goonie things Goonies never say die, but they do get tied like chunk so and then he gets dragged away from

He dragged away from the situation because I don't remember why the car alarm goes off Which was set up earlier in the movie because it's a great thriller. Oh, that's right because she can't turn the car alarm off earlier Yeah, it's us it has a hair trigger car alarm if a hair triggers it It has a car alarm that goes rabbit rabbit rabbit and then the car alarm goes, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit. Hello, everybody. Hair, anyway, it's late. So then she gets, there's a phone call in the house and she answers the phone for, I guess, to say there's danger.

It's the dead girl cell phone. Uh-oh, the dead girl's cell phone rang. Here's the shocking twist in the movie. Are you ready? Are you ready for the twist? Critics, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair. Critics, we're not supposed to know about it. No, please don't reveal the horrifying twist of no good deed.

But now, are you ready for twist?. The phone call is from Terry's husband. He wasn't going on. He wasn't going on. But he was such a faithful husband. That's so, so we thought. David golfer, I'm guessing, I'm guessing workout enthusiasts. Child disliker. Polo shirt, wear her.

Polo shirt, wear, wearing manicures. Child not helping with devil bearded Jeffrey It turns out was having an affair With Idris Elba's ex fiance it wasn't a random chance that brought Idris Elba into the life of Terry and her family It was revenge On ABC obsessed yes on prom night The wire and it's the Pacific rim. Oh, we missed the joke about him cutting the phone wire. Go, which is rewind it, Dan. Yeah. All right.

I mean, we didn't say anything about string or alarm bells either. Or how he is stringering her along with his tails of Ruck Anyway, so it turns out Idris Elba was doing this for revenge. Jeffrey is not a good guy He's a bad man. Terry needs to kick him to the curb But first Terry's got a kick-it-erselba out of her life How did she do it? Surprisingly easily almost easily instantly by stabbing him in the in the side of a bunch of times and then shooting him in the chest of a bunch of times.

Is this a sequence where she bars the door with a cabinet or whatever? This is when she does, she has to put a balsa wood cabinet. She puts like, she moves the dresser in front of the door to block it, then ties a rope of sheets out the window. He pushes the door open as if that cabinet was made out of dreams and wishes. As if she had placed like a cardboard's promotional stand-up from a video store on the other side of the door.

He has no trouble bringing through it. He sees the open window and the sheets goes, oh, they climbed out, he relieves the house. She walks out of the closet. Yep, she was playing mind games with him. Once again proving that she is way more formidable a foe than this multi-murderer. Yeah.

He eventually gets the gun, he has a drop on her. Justin, he's about to shoot her in the face, I guess. And then her daughter's like, mommy, that makes him turn. She kicks him in the balls. She puts the shit out of him. He gets a couple punches in, but nothing doing real damage. No, not enough.

She's like, Blasem with a fireplace thing. She's sitting out of a window. She's in so many times, he falls back out of the window. Yeah, she dropped some like equilibrium gun cock out of him and blast him out the window. Just in time for a fucking husband to show up. Well, if you're a husband, but if you're a cheating husband,

you don't want to show up to see your wife just totally beat the shit out of this huge monster of a dude. A guy who's roughly the same size as you. Well, almost exactly the same size. And it has a tight belly. And it's true. And then in the end, she punches her husband like it's an 80s comedy.

And people were just missing like a, what I was saying was a lady police woman going, uh-huh. Yeah, the two that, and like there weren't the like flashing blue police lights you didn't see you know how like eighties movie yeah they really flashed lights that I can't over from the flashing lights like everything else is dark with occasional flashes of blue light basically yeah like they decide to cut their headlights and only have that light lighting to see. It's more atmospheric.

We then go to, I guess, the future where she is moving into, not like, no, not like a hundred years later. She's got her hover card in the lead. She is a brain, manager. And if she's a brain, she's a brain manager, highlighting some sort of sugar-designed rocket ship. In the Coca-Cola Atlanta Archology. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy.

He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy.

He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy.

He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. He's a pretty good guy. has no social identity number. What? Yeah, and they're all clones. But she has moved. She has moved into a new house with her kids. She has a new blonde best friend. She's dressing more like her vision woman,

and she has a new thin blonde friend. I think she's more of a babysitter. She's an employee at this point. She returns the unused portion of her Leslie bib to the manufacturer. I don't even need to discount on a new one. I like the half-bib model, please. A little less sass on the edges. We have a Leslie bib for tuna. It's a new thing. Grubbish.

The name bib but she is too big, schwilic worms coming out of her head. She used those schwilic worms to communicate. And Terry goes, no job, a warm guy, and they both laugh. Freeze frame. Freeze frame. Freeze frame. Freeze frame, please. Cut to a shot of salacious chrome eyeballing job as tale. And then sit, you sit, good dog, and we're done. That's tonight's episode of No Good Dude. No Good Dude was taped in front of a dead studio audience.

Brought to you by that Fudge Place. I can't remember. How come? I was called Makersfield Fudge. That Fudge Place is their competitor. That Fudge Place was the off-brain. It was the sponsor for a totally different text-based radio adventure. It's the H-ikers.

Yeah, radio text. What a, H-ikers, which was a radio show. Oh, yes, it was the weird part about it. It mixing things up. Well, that fudge place hasn't been here for 40 years. How did Tales from the Crypts not announce the end of its episodes? Tales from the Crypt was filmed in front of a dead studio audience. I don't know.

That, if we ever do a new Tales from the Crypt, let's call it Tales from the Flop Crypt. Actually, guys, we are. We are. We're little angry with that. We are on the market to do new Tales from the Crypt. Let's make that clear. Do any producer's out there?

If you have the rights to Tales from the Crypt, the TV show, come to us. We will drop the camera. I guess I'm really going to do it. We're probably. Maybe I guess. Uh, so. I don't care how many demon nights we got to fight

or we're delusably. We have to stay for a way through. I don't care how many way nights we have to stop. You can take way night. I mean the three of us. Man, this beard is making you crazy. I've got beard madness. You saw how sweaty wasn't that scene in basic instinct. He'd slip right through our fingers. He's got so much body dude. He's like King our fingers. He's got so much body, dude. He's hitting him in the beast like King Hibble. He'll keep blogging that shit. Oh, that's not a lot of body. OK.

So the naughty with the body. This, uh, this win night has a lot of full body. I'm detecting hints of, see a looney tunes called Nighty Night Bugs, but it's Bugs Money bewildering Wayne Knight. We got final judgments whether this was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of like stew where you got to go with this. Oh man, I didn't really think about it. I'd probably say a bad bad movie. It's not goofy enough to be a good bad movie and it's certainly not a movie I kind of liked. Yeah I'm gonna go bad

bad too. I wanted to be good bad because there is a lot of film in this in it and it's short but I don't know. Not a lot of laughs here. We had a lot of laughs tonight guys. But not watching. We're not from the movie. They're mostly made up. We're listening at home. If people are going to watch it, if people are like, I don't can't

when you say that no good deed, it has all that radio zork stuff in it. Nope. So I'm going to say bad bad, also. It was not quite crazy enough to be a good bad. So before we move on, we do have a few sponsors tonight, or two, to be exact, to where I I believe so guys watching new no good deed tonight I learned that they're I learned that guys like Jeffrey the husband of Tarraji P. Henson and Colin it was

Elves characters, you know they're not really good at handling their relationships or their women their poor role models so you don't want to be that type of guy You don't want to fall out of touch with that special someone in your life. Okay. You know, guys, we're in the case of Idris Alba. Touch them too much by snapping their back.

In some kind of choke slam situation. Guys, Valentine's Day is right around the corner. It is? Oh, no. It is. So look around that corner and see that our friends at Pro Flowers have a deal for you. But is this deal Stewart?

Okay, 100 blooms of love is the name of the deal and it's available with a free glass vase for only $19.99. That's amazing. 100 Harrel Blooms for only $19.99. And you know what, Ellie, you can impress that special lady in your life even more. Or whoever. I'm not going to, I'm not going to require anything. We're no judgements in my life.

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and use the code of flop house. Now, it's proflowers.com codeflop house. Guys, one of the things I love about proflowers is that they're a big supporter of podcasts, all kinds of podcasts. And you know, right now, they even have like a microphone button on their order page, like it's built in

They can talk to the flowers. Yeah So this is also you guys at home This is your chance to show your show pro flowers and show your love of the flop house So this Valentine's Day you're real true love the flop house podcast. I don't know or your mom Who knows whoever needs flowers in your life. Okay. So you just need to go to proflowers.com. You need to click on the blue microphone button in the top right corner. Yeah. Just look over there and click on it. Do the right. And then type in the code. F-L-O-P-H-O-U-S-E. One word.

One word. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. Guys like flowers too. One word. I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something. Guys like flowers too. Tell you that. We got some flowers from Pro Flowers. It's nice. It's beautiful.

Spuces up the place. Everyone knows guys like flowers. Guys like the famous painter, George O'Keefe. Yeah. Oh, George. In his beautiful paintings of desert flowers and kettle skulls. I'll tell you this. I think I've said this before last time we had a profile spot.

I had a very positive experience with the pro flowers. There was a problem I delivery. Profiles handled everything perfectly. They were great. 1,800 flowers, which I also tried was terrible. So pro flowers, you have earned my undying loyalty. So it was your morphine to say, nope, just go to proflowers.com, click on the blue microphone, use code,

flop house all one word. I also wanted to say that this week, flop house is brought to you in part by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform that makes building your own website simple and easy. Not Squarespace, no. Not Squarespace, no. Not Squarespace, no. That's the one Spuds McKenzie was squares place. No. Not square splice. No. Not square

spuds. No. That's when Spuds Bacansley was a square to a night. These are all made up websites and some of them are made up words. No, not scare space. Well, that is spookiest web designer. Again, if you have the rights to tell us from the crypt, that's the crypt keepers. Start up concern. But now we're talking about Squarespace. It makes it easy for you to have a website. Everyone should have a website these days, even you. Squarespace. Especially you. Has beautiful templates, integration with Google Apps and Getty Images, and responsive design. So for a free trial and 10% off your first order, go to squarespace.com and enter the code

flop. Squarespace. So just flop. Yeah, just flop. So it's flop house for pro flowers, flop for Squarespace. Yeah. Thanks for that reminder. Two great companies. For those at home keeping score. It hasn't both. It's Elliott 5, too great. Comfortably. For those of home keeping score. It has them both.

It's Ellie at 5, Dan 7. What? But it's like golf, right? And the lower score wins? Don't worry, Dan keeps choosing A on the radio's orc options, and that's getting him farther in the game. Oh, man. Do you think it's okay to finish someone else's food?

Do you have a fight with your friend over whether or not he should wear his filly's garb to a Colorado Rockies game? Does your wife want to keep a chamber pot in her art studio? If so, please do not write into Judge John Hodgman, I heard all those cases already. Judge John Hodgman is the show where I, John Hodgman, adjudicate disputes between real people calling in over the internet, and I tell them who is right

and who is wrong over such important issues as is a machine gun, a robot, and is it okay to go through the garbage at the Canadian House of Pizza and Garbage? Bale of Jesse Thorn rounds out the cast for a fun-filled podcast of judgment and Carbage. Bale of Jesse Thorn rounds out the cast for a fun-filled podcast of judgment and justice. Kind of two of the same thing actually. Judge John Hodgman, take a listen

if you do not mind, I order it. Come visit the courtroom, it is open to all and located at maximumfun.org. The next step on the docket is letters from listeners. Letters bought up on the docket. It letters from listeners. Letters, bought up. Let's go. Okay. Elliot certainly does.

That is the new suffer of radio letters songs. I got up at 530 today. So, let's do this. Kids, am I right? Speaking of kids, picks up microphone walks in front of break wall. Hey, any parents in the audience tonight?

What's the deal with kids and candy? They love it. John Candy, I mean, Star of Uncle Buck. And who's Harry Crom? And of course, Delirious. Delirious. Wait a minute. Who is Harry Crom?

Robert Crom's brother. And Salacious Crom's nephew. He's a very tragic. He's an uncle. Well, I wish there was a market for a parody group called Who Is Salacious Crump's nephew. It's a great tragic. He's an uncle. Well, I wish there was a market for a pair of people who was Salacious Crump. Aless, there is not. All right, well, the fact that my Lester Del Rey,

Atlanta Del Rey joke has no audience. It's really obvious that we did some guest spots. Star Wars Minute this week. So I actually forwarded this email to you guys a little while back, but I wanted to read it on the air. I'm a toured up for... I wanted to read it on the air for reasons that are obvious. It's from Lou Lasten. The Air Flawp has Dan's the best. I love Dan. He's so handsome. He's like White Idris Elba.

I... or Idris Welba. I'm a very... Marcus Welba. It's Marcus Welve and Idris Elma put together. Okay. I am a very big fan from Denmark and I would also like to thank you. 25 V-Tall. I want you to call it BFG. A big flop has giant.

I would like to thank you for an amazing podcast. I'm not just a big fan. I'm also a good fan. I'm sorry. I'm also a good... I'm also a up fan. I'm also a good fan. I'm also a good fan. I'm also a good fan. So if you need to be cooled off, just ask me to come on by. I'm electric. Shut up. I'm just writing myself a fan first and a man second. Both of them big. I call it a fan of Man and I'm not. Or a fan and friends fan and that is the colonialist theorist. I'm not just a big fan, starring Pat and Oswald.

I'm also a good friend, a good friend of Mads Michelson's daughter. I told Mads some time ago that you were mad about Mads and he got really surprised and happy and proud. Last time I saw him, he told me he listened to your podcast and thought it was really fun. He told me he's mad about you guys now too. So congratulations, you got a new fan and Matt's Miggleson, Lew last name with help.

Now Lew, if you were lying to us, if you are a fuck with us, if you are a fucking cat, if you do not play with us, if you are a motions you pieceish. If you were lying to us, I will never forgive you. But if you're not lying you are an angel You are my favorite person ever. That's amazing

But if you were lying fuck you like it would make me so it would give me so much pleasure to know that like Somewhere Mads michaelson approves of us. You are telling the truth I need to know when your birthday is now. We need to celebrate We need as a holiday we need a photo of need, we need as a photo of Madsmiggles in holding up today's newspaper. And a picture of the flop house. Today we recorded this. What, Danny Dan.

A picture of the flop house. There's no way, we know it's not a picture. It's not an image of Madsmiggles with a flop house from 100 years ago. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, I don't know. Like a picture of his phone. It feels like it seems like the day is paper. It's paper.

Yeah, it's only in the newspaper that says Germany invades Poland. It's something like, is this in the future? What? Okay, that would be the most amazing. I would be so excited if this is true. If it's not true again, you're dead to me, Luke. But if it is true, that's amazing.

I like, I feel like I want some sort. But I feel weird asking for proof when he's already done so much. Yeah, I like it. Heirs, maybe underpants, who cares? No, it's your normal stuff. Some sort of souvenir from the set of Hannibal. Is that a vial of blood? They got plenty of that around there.

Send us some long pig or something. I don't know. Whoa, what's that? Is that like a, huh? Wait, what? It's like a stretch limo for pigs. Yeah. It's like a pig stretch limo.

So that would be, I cannot overstate how exciting and awesome that would be if it's true. But if it's not true, don't make me cry on air, okay? Don't patronize us with this mad about mad bullshits. Because we are so mad about mads and we'll be mad at you, but not in the mad about mad's way. Oh, I feel like that letter took me in a real emotional roller coaster. So many ups and downs.

It's like thinking he was not a murderer and then finding out he's totally a murderer. Like, you know, good deed the movie. Right. This one goes like this because are we going to, can we like start hanging out with Mads make a sin like this thing? I mean, I want to be a board schedule. I'm sure I mean we didn't even talked about Hannibal You talk about how a rising or something Oh, we're just talking about hanging out. I'm not talking about like we're not marrying working out with him every day or something

Doesn't have to be a regular. I mean, it's like a one-time thing Nobody has to know just like when he's in town No, we could not keep up working out with math. He was a gymnast man He's in way better shape than will ever be yeah, maybe I could pick up a few moves off of him That like the split yeah for your Jim Cotta competition. Wait, there's competitions in Jim Cotta Yeah, that was just the deadlet the combination of the art of The kill of karate. Yeah, that what Dan said. Yeah, they have competitions in it and the kill of karate. Yeah, that, what Dan said.

Yeah, they have competitions in it. I mean, you kill people and you kill people. I even know that you kill people in karate. I mean, you do if you do a poor one, it right. If you do, if you use a gun, then yeah. Haven't you seen the karate kid? At the end, when he shoots that cobra kai kid, so mad, please write it.

So, this works. Or if you're in town, come by the daily show. Yeah, just come on. Yeah, if you yeah, or wherever I'm at You just come by my house. Just use the weird Stewart apps. Stewart can probably get you free beers We can get you free tickets. Yeah, like certainly do like Mads Middleton can't talk himself into a bar free beers. Come on. All right, sure This man in Denmark, so this next one, this next letter, uh, is on a topic that we Yeah, because it could have been literally anything that there was one of. It's on the topic. The only thing we knew was it was not Simon's twins. You're talking about it. I can join twins.

It's topic we've already addressed, uh, tangentially in this episode. Zorke, I've always felt great affection for the Cryptkeeper, but it feels like we never got to know him beyond what we could extrapolate from his brief introductory messages. What's he doing in his time off? How do you get the job of presenting these stories? Looking forward to your insights, sincerely Anton last name withheld.

Levay. I think Anton Levay knows what's going on, Ellie. Oh yeah, he's hanging out with the grip keeper all the time. I mean, I assume these fans most of his time off in the crypt, just like being dead. Being dead, yeah. And then he's woken by passers-by who want to hear spooky stories. I don't imagine he got his job. I don't know, doing like work in the stand-up circuit. Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, he's obviously been in the biz a long time. Yeah, because he's like a desiccated corpse. And then he's like, I was gonna say,

because he's good at puns. Yeah, well, that was the thing. Like, it took a while for like, pun-based humor to come back around. Still hasn't. Yeah. If the angry looks like it, it worked for any indication. F.

I like the idea that someone heard the cryptkeeper doing his entirely pun based stand-up routine and they're like, if you have a job for you, introducing terrifying tales. Well, they tried to build and everybody loves Raymond. That's how I show around to. And it didn't quite work. Everyone loves crypty.

Everybody loves Scramon. So like Scramon? It's not even a pun. It's just sound a lot. My new show, Mad about boo. It's not even trying that hard. It's not even like A-Lis material. Just the dead of us. Okay, that works.

What is the parody of just the ten of us? It was like super religious. The new show. The new ghoul. You're what? You're what? You're what? You're what? You're what? You're what? You're what? the dead of us. Okay, that works. What is the parody of just the 10 of us? I know. It was like super religious.

It's my new show. The new ghoul. You're not a ghoul with crypti here. It's the new dead ventures of old Christ ghost, crypti, you know what? You gotta go back on the circuit and workshop this stuff. Yeah, but you know, as a horror host, go. Oh, he's great.

Now I wanna see a new Cripkeeper then where he's like fat and out of shape and he's not doing well and he has to be coached back into doing that. I would love to see a... He's fat mostly because like the gas floating. Because he's going through the process of deconvisation, yeah. I would love to see like a Univision Spanish language for ID show, but hosted by the the Cryptkeeper in El Vira.

Historios still have windows. Would that be a good thing? I'm not saying no right? Yeah, sure, that would be great. So El Vira and Cryptkeeper was to hang out all the time. You would think. Right. And talk about like what a bitch vampire was. Oh my God. They must have like, it's like the poker scene in, or they play. Once again, if you have the rights of this thing, you would love to be involved. It's like the poker scene in, or they play. Once again, if you have the rights of this thing, you would love to be involved. It's like in sunset Boulevard, when Norma Desmond has her old Hollywood friends come over and it's like Buster Keaton and HQ Warner and like,

Anna Nilsen, like real stars of the Silent Era. Cryptkeeper and Elvira have a regular poker game and it's like them and who, like Rod Surlings ghost. And somebody else, I don't know. Because that's scarier than normal Rod Surlings. Because he's dead. Wait, he's dead? He died like 20 years, 20 somewhat years ago.

But then, but all the letters he's been sending back to me. Are they like, huh? Like, does it have to be horror host? Or could like, I don't know, like, Rod a share and Gilbert Godfrey drop by, too? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Rod a share and a viral pretty close. Yeah. And Gilbert Godfrey is by, too. Yeah, yeah, I mean, Rhonda's here, and Elvira are pretty close. Yeah.

And Gilbert Godfrey is probably pretty free. Whoa. Oh, he's got a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because he's not invoicing any insurance ducks right now. Yeah, I'm just saying he's probably got some free time to being on a show, do you know? Now, Dan, that makes me a good question.

Who would you take Elvira or Rhonda's here? Be honest. I would take Elvira. Okay, yeah, I would do, yeah. I mean, it's mostly Brunette thing, but yeah. But Rhonda's here, you know. No, none of us are. No, no, no, this is not.

Disparaging Rhonda. Oh, yeah, I just want to make sure this wasn't one of Stuart's hamburger steak situations. Hmm, the hamburger steak, I could go to one of those. That's great, it's a steak on a bun. Okay, well the last letter of the night. I've saved the best for last. I know. Hard to top.

It's hard to top. Mads Michelson being a fan. Or at least approving. So this letter goes a little something like this. It actually goes exactly like this because I'm reading it verbatim. verbatim. Jonathan Fuller, Georgia of Castle Freak here,

greatly looking forward to meaning Stuart and Dan and Ellie and I hope, at the Alamo Drafthouse screening. I'll be there. Especially seeing, I'll be there too. Especially seeing it on a big screen. Your fans must be saying, it's about fucking time.

Thanks for all the plugs. I only wish I got residuals off this film. Especially with the number of people you must have turned on to it. How does he not? I don't know. That's shady contracting full moon productions. Not, Charles Banned, pay it forward.

That's not gonna pay it. Pay it back. I guess back. And for the record, no. Giorgio does not rip off his own thing though. Oh no. It was straight from the podcast. Turn it off.

I don't want people to hear this. It was Stuart Gordon's idea that Giorgio's mother has cut it off when he started showing signs of puberty while chained to the wall of his cell years before the action of the film begins. So you heard it here first. I'll be happy to share that or keep it a secret. So it's not to ruin a good joke.

Spoiled. I think this is gonna be a lot of fun. I can't wait to meet you. Would love to hear from you beforehand. Best Jonathan Fuller, the freak. Very nice. So he got in touch with you and not with Steve. No, you got in touch through the website.

Oh, I see. and I would help it And so Stuart how would you would you like to plug a certain event screening? Yeah, yeah I was about to mention that so on February 21st at the Alamo Draft House in Youngcars New York lovely younggers New York who've been very supportive of the flop house easy to get lost there their hosting I'm going to be involved in hosting a screening uh... screening with johnathan fuller of the movie castle freak it's a rare thirty five millimeter print uh... this is going to be a rare opportunity for you to get to see castle freak in the theater i've never seen it and it was not in the flesh now it was not

released in the it was not released in theaters this could possibly be the only thirty five millimeter print there is. Yeah, that's what I think. They screened it down in Texas back in October, and that's when Christina, the organizer from the Youngcars Theatre, figured it out and set up this screening. So much love to Chris. So you're not even seeing this movie as it was meant to be seen by the director. You're seeing it better than it was ever meant to be seen.

Exactly. I mean, Stuart's already seen it as it was meant to be seen by the director, you're seeing it better than it was ever meant to. Exactly. I mean, Stuart's already seen it as it was meant to be seen by the director in the basement somewhere. With himself inventing scenes. I think I've seen it on VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray. So I'm very excited about it. Can you act it out with that action figure that you got? Yep.

Well, I'm going to get that action figure autograph by John Filler. So if you are in the New York area or even not and feel like making a trip, please come down. You'll get a chance to BS with the the Flapp House and some other folks, including Jonathan Fuller on the board. George Yo himself. George Yo himself.

So you can ask him why he crushed all of my dreams. Ding Dong dreams and champagne wishes. As long as we're doing plugs, I just quickly want to say, on February the 19th, I'm doing two things at six o'clock. Very critic. Two public things. I'm kidding with them. At six o'clock at the New York Public Library,

performing arts library, at Lincoln's there, I'll be part of a panel talking about 10 years of channel 101 New York. And that's free to the public, but you have to reserve seats. And then at 9.30, I'll be doing improv as part of the Daily Show, writers and staffers, improv show at the UCB theater. I'll just toss up some links to that on our website. So if every 19th two ways

to see me, if you so choose a duo of Dan. Dan two ways. Move on top chef, that's how they would present. This is a deconstructed Dan. It's a beard, a sweater, and a tumbler of scotch on a plate. A picture of some wife's butt. Some wife's. I don't have any personal appearances to plug, but as long as we're plug-in things, I'll plug my un... No, no, come on. Stop, come on. I'll continue, I'll plug my continuing series from Marvel Spider-Man and the X-Men.

Issue two came out this month, which was last month, January. It was great. Thank you very much. And the next issue will come out in February. So are there going to be any panels as viral as the panel from your last episode? If anyone has seen the panel of Soron telling Spider-Man,

I don't want to cure cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs. It's from my telling Spider-Man, I don't want to cure a cancer. I want to turn people into dinosaurs. It's from my book, Spider-Man and the X-Men. So by that stuff, not exactly. So by that thing, you laughed at it when it was on Imager or Tumblr or whatever. Every time it gets retumbled, you get like a nickel, right? I get nothing. But if you liked that tweet that you saw on Everybody's Twitter feed, up the next issue issue three or go back and pick up the last two issues

Issues one and two and I want to say as long as we're plugging things let's plug our Remember there's a time when I didn't have things to plug guys. I'm plugging. I'm very proud of you. So you've got a long way to well on behalf of all of us We should toss out a plug for our wonderful podcasting network, MaximumFund.org. Well, there are a lot of great podcasts. Two of my personal favorites, Jordan Jesse Goh, which was kind enough to have me on a couple of times. And my brother and my brother and me, who were kind enough to save some very nice things

about us in the last podcast. That is very nice. And I feel like if you like our show, like... You'll like their show. Yeah, it's a very similar show. Like, our show about bad movies, but not really just about bullshit. Their show is about advice, but not really. It's mostly about bullshit.

And I'm a huge fan of their sister show show that's also on our network the adventure zone Which is the three of those guys and their their dad playing Playing D&D as a huge D&D fan and a big gamer myself It's just super awesome to hear those guys just goof around and here the adventures of Merle Magnus burn sides and and Taco the Elf. Hey, what about Judge John Hodgeman? Yeah.

That's a great podcast, too. Our buddy, John Hodgeman of the mustache and the wisdom. So we can check out. Yeah, I guess that's the name of what? His bar, the mustache and wisdom, that's his pub. Yeah, but there, I mean, there's a lot of great podcast at Maxmanfund.org, Bullseye, Lady to Lady, One Bad Mother, Risk, Song Exploder, Wambam, there's a lot of great podcast and maximum fund or bulls-eye lady to lady one bad mother risk song

Exploder wham band pow a lot more so check it out we have recommended all these podcasts We don't have to do it for a while right no what wow? Wow It's not a tourist or we do it because we like it and yes So Moving on to our final segment of the evening recommendations, movies we saw that we actually liked unlike If you made it this far, just keep I don't even remember what the name of the movie was called one good deed The story of a piece of real estate and a very well-written legal ownership document. It's the sequel to Mr. Deeds

Allie and it's all about it's an alternate reality where Mr. Deeds goes evil, so there's no good deeds in this universe. I get it. Do you want to recommend something? Yes, I do. I want to recommend something. How handy. That's part of the segment.

Now there were times when we were watching No Good Deed when we said, is this really a movie? I'd like to recommend a movie I enjoyed, but while watching it, you might also ask, is this really a movie? And that movie is watching it, you might also ask, is this really a movie? And that movie is a movie, so it's a qualified recommendation. That movie is Roma, which is a later Fredrico Filini movie. And a type of tomato.

Yeah, I guess so. But Roma is kind of his portrait of the Rome he knows. So there isn't a plot so much as there's a series of vignettes that are kind of loosely connected around the idea of his experiences of Rome. And there are a few segments in it that I find, I think, are really fantastic. There's a beautiful one where they go to see this film crew goes to see the subway that's being constructed under Rome. And they hear about how they have to keep changing the path of the trains, because there's

so much history buried under Rome's streets that they keep hitting archeological sites, and they make their way into a, they discover this room full of these beautiful ancient Roman frescoes. You know, like national treasure. Yeah, exactly. And tragically, the frescoes are not long for this world. There's some other segments that are really interesting, even though they go on a little too long.

There's one where it's supposed to give you the impression of what it's like to drive into Rome on the highway and it's this kind of long nightmare of chaos and confusion. There are other segments that don't work quite as well. There's a clergy fashion show later in the film that I find too obvious and boring. So I would say feel free when you're watching Roma to like obvious and boring. So I would say feel free when you're watching Roma to like use the fast word button if you want to it times. It's a movie that is best, I think, treated as a buffet to sample, but there's a lot of really great stuff in it. It feels a lot like flipping through

Fredericol Fleini's sketchbook, looking at like kind of half-formed ideas or sequences that he didn't have another place for. But there's a lot of really good stuff in it, including perhaps the most frightening scene of men hiring prostitutes that I've ever seen, where the men are just in kind of this dank basement and the prostitutes parade in front of them yelling at them, why are you not hiring me? Are you men? Come on, pick me up, hire me.

And it was, all I could think was, I'm so glad I'm not in that brawl. Not that I am a frequenter of brothels, but that's especially when I don't want to be in. Well, while we're recommending movies that are barely movies, I would like to recommend the movie Happy Christmas. It's a mumble core movie by Joe Swanberg, and that movie is an experiment almost. I feel like, in...can we make a movie with the minimum amount of conflict, And the basic...

It's even looser than my previous recommendation. Drinking buddies? Yeah, with drinking buddies, I feel like that has a real conflict of like what do you do when you're... You run out of drinks. Well, what do you do when you buy more beer, dude? What do you do when you're involved with someone? But your best friend is also like...

Yeah, there's like built-in tension. There's like a romantic tension. Like this movie, there's very little conflict. It's basically a... What's her name from that singing movie? Well, this gentleman... Juli Andrews? There's a couple...

She can be in the movie if you put a picture of Juli Andrews on the TV. No, no, stop him. There's a couple. She can be in the movie if you put a picture to Julie Andrews on the TV. No, no, stop him. There's a couple. There's a bag on his face. With a young baby and the father. They both do the old babies. And the father's his elderly baby for Benjamin Button.

And the father's doesn't get a lot of work. That's a gross baby. It's such a simple premise. It's talking about the family. And why are you having so much trouble? This guy's sister moves back in briefly with this couple and the sister's a bit of a narrowed-to-well, a bit directionless following a breakup,

kind of a screw up, and there's just sort of minor conflict with her living with this family. Like Frances Ha? I thought there's a fairly of minor conflict with her living with this family. Like Frances Ha? I thought this was a fairly major conflict in Frances Ha. I don't actually see Frances Ha. Frances Ha is a good movie. But it stars what's her face?

Anna Kendrick. Do you see this movie? Anna Kendrick is the woman who moves in with the couple and Melody. She sings that song in that movie. Yeah. When I'm gone, when I'm gone, that one. Let it go, let it go. She's not that's indeed a mangeau.

Let her stand at yourself at home. No, that's Oliver from the movie Oliver. Well, this is Artford Oliver, that's her actually. Trader show. No, that's... This is what it sounds like when does cry that's a

why he sings in guitar it's absolutely moving right along do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the young mother and the sister-in-law to Anna Kendrick, both really strong actresses, and this is a like a likeable movie. A movie that's very pleasant to watch, and there's something to be said for that. There's something to be said for like spending nine minutes. Sure, enjoy yourself. And the company of likeable people who don't necessarily have huge problems, but the problems that they do have are relatable ones.

Yeah, treat yourself. Yeah, go ahead. My life always got to be a hassle, you know? You earned it. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys, for all the interrupting me every two seconds. So we do. We've had a couple of base hits tonight, guys.

I'm gonna give you a home run. I'm gonna recommend a movie from earlier this year. This is gonna continue my trend of recommending movies that feature sci-fi movies that feature doubles of people, spoiler alert. I'm gonna recommend a movie called Cohearance, which is a micro budget movie that begins with a... The budget was a shoe.

Yep. And they had to chop that shoe off of the interior. I guess one inch of film, I'll take it. It begins with eight friends sitting around a house that is the primary setting in a movie that are having a dinner party while a celestial event is going on. There's a comet passing very close to Earth, and the power goes out, and then a number of other inexplicable things begin to happen. It's a movie that deals with a small group of friends dealing with the seemingly impossible very well.

There's some great performances and it's a great little sci-fi movie done on a very small scale that manages to mix the strange and the impossible with also with like normal drama and passion that you could see in every anybody's everyday life. And then it deals with some very interesting consequences of people's actions. Now I am warning you, it does feature the guy who played Zander from Buffy.

Why is that a warning? I don't know, whether or not a feature. Well, you know, I mean, I don't know, whatever. So the movie's mean, there's, the movie's not a trigger warning. I think it's a great movie. There's, it does feature a lot of impromptu acting and it does feature a lot of like kind of shaky

out of focus camera work, which can be distracting. It's similar to some mumblecore movies. And weirdly enough, I think the thing that was most distracting is the lead actress is very beautiful. And that made, it was kind of distracting for a movie that for every other purpose of the masturbation. No, but like you're watching it. But like in a way, it's like,

unreal, like, took you out of that movement. In a way it kind of does, right? And it also makes you feel what's bad for her. Because it's a little harder to be sympathetic makes you feel was bad for her. It's a little harder to be sympathetic for you. Yeah, exactly. But yeah. But I thought it was great. And I think I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. Because I did. I don't know. No matter. Even when he's getting shot, you're like, he'll be fine. He's going to work his way out of this one. He's like probably best off is a piece of sex.

He's got a blanket and wink at a nurse, and she's all over him uh... but uh... and coherent and the movies coherent came out earlier this year uh... i think uh... the the website screen crush featured in its top twenty five sci-fi movies of the last twenty five years uh... it's i think it's worth your time uh... so so you guys

elliott's barely muffle beyond me you guys you know it's did kind of like micro budget, mummook or movies, and I went with the master of spectacle, Filini. Yeah. Interesting balance. Um, so, it's so hard to say goodbye. Yeah.

It's very easy to say goodbye. But, um, it's time to say it, dude. Chill out. Just say it, come on. Shit, goodbye. You're being clingy. It's very unatt say it, dude. Chill out. Just say it. Come on. Good. You're being clingy. It's very unattractive. Okay.

I was ready for a second date until this started up. Yeah. Now I'm not so sure. Boy, don't I know it. So for the flop house, I've been Dan McCoy. You have been Dan McCoy. Think about that. Should I shut her in the corner?

Should I stand in the corner and think about it? Yeah, why not? Stand in the corner, face the wall, wait for the Blair Witch to tone a chop your head off or whatever the fuck she does. She chops it off with like this crazy karate chop. If that, the movie had ended with just a hand doing high, yeah, and then the camera goes black, I would have liked that movie. It was like a miss Piggy Karate child that acts like a flying guillotine. I'm resigning off. Who have you been? I have always forever, darlin. I'll be sure to like it. And in the role of Elliott Kaelin, Donald Logan. Oh wow, so slightly racist.

Nope, just Elliott Kaelin this time. Just joking. Wait, why is that? Donald Logan plays a racist and a patriot. So you're saying, I'm not the only movie I'm going for. I can only assume. I am a human being that's only seen one movie. I think it's real life I guess.

You're a delightful actor now, Logan. I love Terriers. We get it, dude. Stop plugging Terriers. It's over, Dan. Terriers is not happening. Terriers season two. Come on. It's an old saying, if you love something, let it go, because it's Terriers and it's over Six seasons in a movie can I everyone?

Terriers Instead of talking about a movie let's talk about staying personal stuff Yeah, I was just grumpy like a cat. Well somebody me on the subway and store it was just grumpy, like a cat. Well somebody me knew on the subway. And Stuart was dark. What? It's cool. Well somebody me knew on the subway, and man. Is that what it was? Did somebody fuck up, did some sandwich artist fuck up your sandwich?

Well, those kids who said it was show time kicked me to face. Oh no. That's not a good show. I give that show a few more reviews. I'm meeting more of you. Welcome to the Lady to Lady Show! Behind Door Number 1 we have fantastic easy guests like Aisha Tyler, French Stewart, Shredda and more!

Behind Door Number 2 we have Road Trip and Sleep Overgames like, would you rather and never have I ever and a kind of games that remind you of being a kid? Door Number 3 brings you fresh hot episodes every Wednesday. You can find them on iTunes at www.nextwampon.org. your next one. you