The Flop House - FH 32 - The Underground Adventure

Episode Date: June 26, 2021

In the spirit of Stuart's tale about snakes, Dan shares some short fiction from his own childhood, filled with murder, moles, and an octopus with FANGS!

Hey everyone and welcome to a flop house mini. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Willington. And I'm Elliot Kaylen. Stuart was so excited that I definitively started the podcast that he was pumping his fist so hard that then he didn't pick up his own cue. No, no. But, but this is, so normally this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. So yeah, I was pumping my fist and then I had to take a big deep breath because I'm very tired.

I get tired very easily. Yeah. Yeah, on, yeah, on weeks. Um, so yeah, as I was saying, we normally talk about a bad movie that we have watched. Uh, we'll talk about a bad movie. We didn't watch. Flop house movies are sort of, you know, flop house after dark. It's a, it's the Baywatch night. I mean, it has been the flying house. Um, and we do whatever we want. And it was that what Baywatch nights was.

The characters just did whatever. Well, it's Baywatch nights. Yeah, it's like it's for some reason. Help them drowning and they're like, this is my time. They're like off the clock, buddy. Well, I think that I think that David Hasselhoff's character became a detective because he'd always wanted to be one. So I kind of did do whatever he wanted.

Yeah, I get, no, you're right. You're right. Fair. So in this flop house night, in the past, now Elliot, you have read from your son, Sammy's writings. Yes, and for the record, he gave me permission and then revoked that permission on air, live.

Yeah, and Stuart, you also, you read something you wrote as a young man. Yeah, yeah. And I haven't yet shared something for my youth, a piece of my writing, but that will all change tonight. Oh, wow. Because I'd like to share with you the underground adventure. Oh, I do.

That picture. Yeah, so who did, is that Quentin Blake? Did that illustration, the illustrations? No, the illustrations. The words a cool lawyer. Yeah, so who did that? Is that Quentin Blake? Did that illustration of the illustrations? The words and illustrations are both by me. And you can see this is a blank book that was given to me that, of course, I had to write my story. And then the front you've got a man, a woman, a child, and some sort of animal. I believe that's a badger smoking a pipe.

I'm going to get some mole since the morning. A mole? Badger's living around too. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm glad that you clarified that this was a blank book given to you instead. For a second, I thought that somebody had published this and proper bound it.

Okay. We've got an actual date on this. thought that somebody had published this and proper bound it. Okay, we've got an actual date on this. We've got a copyright May 19. Oh, it's copyright. 1987 McCoy Books. So usually the copyright doesn't have the day just has the year, but that's amazing that it has the day. Yeah, McCoy Books. I like it.

McCoy Books. So you heard how 1987 you were you were how old 20? 87 C. So 78 was when I was born at nine years old Although if it was May 19th, that would be a one month before my birthday anyway moving Which would make you how old just testing your math? One month short of 10. So here we go. Um, the octopus flopped up onto the shore by some quirk of nature. I like that this this is the theme of the theme of flops already

early in your career. The octopus flopped up onto the show where by some quirk of nature, it had feet. Although he didn't know how to use them yet. There was another strange thing about this octopus. It had fangs. New paragraph. Why the hell do I see that picture? Hold on.

I can see there's a picture of the octopus fangs. There's a picture. Very well rendered. Oh, OK. Yeah, I can't see the feet. It's hard to tell, but the fangs are very clear. They've got, yeah, those just like bent tentacles, the tentacles we call them. Yeah, I'm in it. Yeah, bent tentacles. By the seashore, a few feet away, two girls were talking. I tell you,

it's an octopus, the first girl said, with feet, huh, you must be joking. The octopus ran toward the second girl. So, okay. Turning the page here. That's the girl that doubted it. The one who doubted this octopus with feet. Don't get too attached to the second girl because here we go. It jumped on her and gulp. Hey, I'm glad you did that. The first girl said, wow. But before she could pat it on its head, it ate her too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just desserts. And set and literally dessert for the octopus. That's so. Atom right up said the man to the warden over the phone. Wait, is this as this a cut to a new scene or was the or is he telling this story of a man? Is this our gas oh manuscript type scenario? We have shifted perspective. We're seeing this gentleman on the phone. That's so Adam right up so the man to the warden over the phone. Oh no, here it comes. Gulp. The line went dead. It's a warden side and hung up. What will teenagers think up next?

He said, but I'd better go anyway and the the war can again, here we can see the picture of what's going on here. We've got a screen. Yeah, the war is kind of a sheriffy type. Yeah, he's got a lot of stuff. He's straight to Palma. Yeah. Is that a bear light bulb hanging off?

You can tell the police station because it's a bear light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Yep. One chip and ill share. Sure. So moving on. because it's a bear light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Yep. One chip and ill chair, sure. So moving on. Oh, yeah. So far, I like it opens almost like,

like, Prometheus a little bit. Like we have this strange creature emerging. And it is, you know, Stewart, you love a smash cut opening. Yeah, yeah. It is one of those media rare stories. Yeah. You know, Stewart, you love a smash cut opening. Yeah, yeah. It was one of those media rarest stories. I didn't expect so much of it to say place above ground. Yeah, well, we're getting there. We're getting there.

When he got there, there were a lot of bones. Fish, he said. When the warden's clothes were found with a skeleton inside, the mayor went on TV. I don't know what's going on around here, but I'm going to gop. I tell you, it was an octopus, the TV manager said. Well, I've got an idea.

We could live underground, the deputy said. So, OK. Already. So they have seated in the surface world, yeah. We could live underground the deputy said So okay already So they have seen it in the surface world. Yeah, the octopus. I'm here You can make sure the mayor says mayor's stand on his podium or yeah pedestal It says up on air to make it clear he's on television right now and there's a camera no camera man Just a camera point And I've seen the camera man already devoured by the octopus or ran away upon seeing the octopus

Yeah, and the thing is like if you think about it a light. I know yeah, I know or over a pinwheel hard to tell If you think about it anybody who's wearing clothes has a skeleton inside their clothes, you know what I mean? Yes true Yeah, there's a few layers in between the clothes and the skeleton usually, but usually. Oh, always. Does the Jack's content here? That's that you're correct. Thank you. Yeah, it's just skeleton wearing clothes. Here, I'm about to use a term that I have no idea where it came into my mind as a nine, almost 10 years old.

And, uh, least don't let it be a racial slur. Yeah. Well, but the racial slur gets my own race. So, uh, I guess it's okay. It's a real gray area. Uh, that's it. We could run a cartoon called Honky Humor to get the kids to go underground.

The manager said, and we could also warn the parents now. I don't know Where that what I a provocateur even at a young age I mean it could I could have just thought it was a like a you know show about horns You know comedy jokes shapes about it's possible. I mean you were transgressive This is this is your this is your puttini swoop. I mean, you were transgressive. This is your, this is your Putney Swope. You're really, you're really pushing boundaries with it. Yeah. Okay.

So, and we could also warn the parents. Now, 10 days later, that's my Brett's time job. Now, who was talking in that last, in that last part? It's just a 10 days later in the, No, before, before that, who was talking about the, who's talking about the offensive cartoon show? Uh, the manager, it says 10 days later in the middle before before that who was talking about the who's time of the offensive cartoon show. The manager it says the TV manager TV nature yeah didn't he get eaten. No that was the

man. Oh the mayor got eaten. And you mentioned you suggest the can't work in as well. Oh right. 10 days later well a man said how do you like it? Why? A kid said, I want to go back up. They just descended into the great underground tunnel by way of the safety elevator. Up, darn. I knew we forgot something when we built that elevator. Now, here's just like a little diagram. We can see well, there's a whole town underground. The way yeah, I mean, it's looks or the way it's drawn it looks like it could be inside of a stomach. Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Now I like that's a very old-fashioned touchdown that he says safety elevator. We're way the safety. Yeah. That's true. I knew we forgot something when we built that elevator. The man whose name was John started yelling at the people. Stop. Go back up. Frida, a woman that was with them, started screaming.

Now we're getting names. I love that. This is a very kid way of doing it where you're like a man who was named John. Let me show you all the math. Let me fill out this character. His name is John. Uh, uh, Frida, a woman that was with them started screaming, but it was too late. Then the kid whose name was Ike started yelling at John. Okay. Do you mean to tell me you forgot the up button? Later, after everyone heard the bad news,

suddenly a mole popped out of the wall. And I'm just gonna, here's the, that's John Frieden Ike. Right, yeah. I didn't even have to write that down. I did a good job. Yeah, very big shoulders on John. Yeah, John's a fucking beef cake.

He's like a, he's like a, he's like moose from the Archie comics. Well, you know, it's always good to, to lead, to pause on a cliffhanger. A mole just popped out of the wall. Yep. Can't get a bigger cliffhanger than that. I mean, considering the body count is enormous in this story already because of a fang doctor post, the appearance of the mole was not a

heightening thing. Yeah. What's there mole here for? You won't know until after this ad. Hi, my name is Graham Clark and I'm one half of the podcast stop podcasting yourself. I show that we've recorded for many, many years. And at the moment, instead of being in person, we're recording remotely. And you wouldn't even notice, you don't even notice the lag. That's right, Graham. And the great thing about it, go ahead. No, you go ahead. No, you go ahead. Okay, and go ahead.

And you can listen to us every week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Your podcasts. Hi, I'm Mallie Gertz and I'm Julia Prescott and we're the hosts of Round Springfield. Round Springfield is a Simpsons adjacent podcast where we talk to Simpsons folks about non-Simpsons things. That's right, so in the past we've gotten to talk to legendary showrunners and writers

like Al-Gene, Bill Oakley, Josh Weinstein, Dana Gould, Mike Reese, and David X Cohen. Voice actors like Marie's Lamarge, Maggiewell and yardly Smith the voice of Lisa Simpson herself Hell yeah, so we've been away securing guests for our final five episodes We won't tell you everybody, but we'll let you know that the last episode It's kind of a big deal. We got Matt graining Homer's dad We got Homer's dad Check out new episodes of round springfield starting June 21st on max Mac graining. HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM creators are challenged with producing more video content at a higher quality than ever before.

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An ever-growing library that has over 1 million high-quality stock assets, including 4K HD footage, After Effects, and Premiere. You can watch that footage on Dan's TV. He has a 4K TV, we talked about it before You can watch that footage on Dan's TV. He has a 4K TV. We talked about it before the show. Premier Pro templates. Thank you.

Music, images, sound effects, and more. They have affordable subscription plans and tools. And with Storyblocks Unlimited All Access Plan, you can get unlimited downloads of everything in their library. And even if your subscription ends, everything you've downloaded is yours to keep. And as a part of the ongoing re-stock initiative, Storyblocks has released a new round of collections, queer spaces and faces created by some really incredible LGBTQI plus creators that will feature the layered experiences of the LGBTQI plus community. You know, Storyblocks is a great way

to tell your stories. Perhaps someone wants to make an adaptation of the underground adventure by Dan McCoy. Now if you want to go so far as to say, the first person to send us a animated version of this story using Storyblocks, I will send them a hinterlands t-shirt. Oh wow. What a great deal.

So why don't you explore the Storyblocks library and subscribe today at storyblocks.com slashplop. That's storyblocks.com slashplop. Let's return to the story. Wow. Can we find out whether mole is going to be able to help John Frieda and Ike? Yeah. Now if you will recall the mole has just popped from the wall.

I'm going to back up a little bit here. A mole popped out of the wall. Nothing strange about that. Everyone went on eating. I say. What's the way they were eating? Yeah, they were eating when the mole showed up. New information, I think.

Yeah. Everyone went on eating. I say, everyone started. The mole had talked. I say, you'd better come with me. And on the way, I'll tell you why I can talk. Everyone followed him into the hole. There used to be an island where all the animals could talk. But one day it became occupied.

It is now called Iceland. Here's a picture of the mole. Oh, he looks like he's wearing a turtle neck maybe or sweater. He's got a little dapper guy on. Yeah, he's got a tiny little pipe. He's got a lot of attitude. Yeah, he's got his chest stuck out like he's that Wisconsin Badger mask. Bucky. What do you guys think about that Iceland surprise? It's kind of like the end of, you know, the invitation game when you learn about where computers came from. Are we learning that the computer they were making?

We now call them computers. Yeah. Do you think there is anyone who was watching that movie who went, oh, at the end, when the tech said, we call them computers. Yeah, I was watching that and I looked down at the computer those on my lap and I was like, what? That's your dad.

We all went underground after that. Suddenly they came to a dirt wall. Oh, so this is a creation myth for moles. I guess they lived above ground until Iceland was taken from them. It was taken by the people. This is like a just-so story. Yeah. Suddenly they came to a dirt wall. Oh no, so the mole whose name was Zenui. It caved in. He was sad. I'm sure that's a very normal name for a mole.

Yeah. Well, look here, John said, maybe just a part caved in, start digging. He dug, Sennui's paws flew like a mad, but it was no use. Here's a little, I'm not really sure, this picture is a little hard to... Iceland, there's these colonizers... I think colonizers are arriving to kick off the moles.

Mm-hmm, and the other animals, yeah. Yeah, the other animals, yeah. The next day, John said, according to my calculations, we are 100 miles from London where we started and are under the Atlantic Ocean. It was not a happy prospect. On the third day, they found-

So what, so that mayor that got eaten, that was the Lord Mayor of London. Yeah, I guess so. You didn't seem like we were in England earlier. It did, certainly did not. In the fact that that's the way you were doing accents when you were reading those pages. Yeah, the fact that the word and looked like a cowboy sheriff. It felt like, yeah, more of a jaw situation. On the third day, they found a crack and water started rushing in and I

put rushing in quotes and capitalized it. I don't know, it's a significance of that, but water started approaching you. They were quoting someone who was saying rushing. Something was screaming it. Yeah. It's a rough, quickly. It's a rough question, I think. If it got to the center of the earth it would produce steam and the whole earth would blow up I mean it's someone's pointing to it as if to say there's a problem sir There's there's the water officer

That kid thinks he did something Yeah, I Will say I think you could sell that movie that there's a leak in the earth and that it's going to put the core out. Yeah, I'm going to make steam. They built a big trampoline, and the water pressure pushed against it and bounced up to the surface.

It formed a circle that pulled in all the boats and planes that went down, and it is now known as the Bermuda Triangle. The end. Wow. I mean, you see. It was some story. You see what that is?

Now he's pointing at the trampoline as it to say, there it is, officer. That's the solution. And don't arrest that water anymore. And we've got one more thing here. It says about the author. Okay. I am Daniel McCoy And I'll be nine next month. I like to swim and eat a lot and I hope you liked this book And then there's a portrait and it says this does not look like me even though I meant it to and Don't know about that

Dan is more of a nose. Yeah. And that's actually now I can see it. I like it. I mean, I like the smile. Yeah, I like the reptilian eyes that you put in there. So that's the underground adventure, guys. I'd like to, you know, so I wasn't expecting the formation of the Bermuda triangle to be

the final reveal, but I like it. Yeah. Now, we should ask you, we should, now there's unfortunately no book club question and answer section in the back. Well, that's the thing I want to say. We can wrap up pretty early because I know that everyone here is tired, but I just want to like maybe a little discussion of the themes of the book. Sure, yeah. You know, if you had any questions for the author, like things you wanted to volunteer, interpretations, anything. Now, here's, I think my first question

that I had for the author is, what? It's a good question. I was a kid, and I generally think about how you have to plan out a plot beforehand and sort of have an idea of where maybe you're going. I mean, you clearly knew they were going underground because the title of the book is the Underground Adventure. Well, you know, that's true, although it's possible that I went back and I titled it

the Underground Adventure after the fact. That's very possible. You sold the book with a proposal about a vampire octopus. And unfortunately, the story just got away with you. That's not the characters. That's the great thing about writing is when the characters start telling you

what they want to do. That's the thing. You're really uncovering a story that just already exists in the universe. So, did you expect Zanui to be the breakout character of the story, or was that just happenstance? I think I did because I don't think you can draw a mole that smokes a little pipe. And I don't know that he's going to be.

Yeah. What's next for Zanui? That's a good question. Is is there romance in his future? Or her, did you specify that it was a it was a male? You know, I don't know if I did. I think the character, the character to me feels like a very wind in the willows kind of cozy character who just wants to hang out. Although from Iceland, that's the weird, to hang out. Although from Iceland, that's the weird, like a sort of a Bjork wind in the willows, maybe. Now here, I'm just impressed at how much you decided to tackle in this book

because you're providing us with the origin of human habitation in Iceland, why moles live underground, where the Bermuda triangle comes from, All these things, like, this is, there's a lot that you've covered in this story to the point where, you know, it's just an amazing amount of information that you've packed into these pages. Now, I was wondering about the research process beforehand. How long do you take you to winnow down your research? Just get to the vital essence. This was kind of like an ancient aliens book where I just made up a

bunch of nonsense. So what a one more thing what what happened to the octopus? I can't hear if that's happening. Everyone went underground which might seem like an overreaction to the octopus. The octopus eventually starved to death. Starved to death because there's nothing to eat. Yeah. It's just too bad they didn't put an up button on that elevator else they might have gotten out, you know, a few days later after the octopus had died. But yeah.

Now, did everyone go underground? Was this like 28 days later where England is living in a state of dystopia, but everyone, the rest of the world seems to be fine. Yeah, I mean, that could be a follow-up story. It's true, there are countless unanswered questions. No, wait a minute, so, didn't the Bermuda Triangle form before the events of this story?

I mean, how do you know when this story takes place? That's true. I mean, how do you know when this story takes place? That's true. I mean, the existence of television and an elevator kind of helps to place it somewhat in history. It's true, although maybe this is an earlier civilization that died out. I see. We also had names like John and Frida and London. Now, listen, now was I right to detect some sexual tension between John and Frida?

I think probably because they were an adult man and an adult woman and I was nine years old and that was my understanding of, you know, relationships at that point, then probably probably yes, I don't know. Okay, had you seen Jaws at this point or did you... That's a great question, I don't know. Well, because I definitely wrote a story that was heavily influenced by the plot of influenced by the plot of romancing the stone. So I'm wondering if you were like, I love jaws. Maybe I can improve on that shit.

Yeah. Where's the pipe smoking mole in this? Steven. You're like the problem. The dryfish is like not that far for pipe smoking mole character. Very true. I mean, if you're gonna have an issue,

you just take that issue with Peter Benchley. I assume, you know, that's, go back to the origin. But it does feel like, yeah, you saw John as me, you said, when are they gonna leave this beach? When are they gonna go somewhere else? I want a new location. An elevator beneath the ground and not be able to get back up. You think, John's is scary.

What if John's came on the land and made everyone live underground? Yeah, it's like if JohnWS meets the fantastic Mr. Fox. Meets just so stories meets the wind and the willows meets a child's understanding of history and science. Yeah, yeah, so so get on it listeners. First one gets a hinterland C-shirt, send it to what's the email address, Dan? Flophousepodcast at gmail.com.

And frankly, if you'd like to hear, if you'd like adult Dan to write a sequel to the book he wrote as a child, because I know I would, I think that. And bribe him. Let us know. Well, I think that's enough for this many. Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for indulging this silliness. I know that I enjoy sharing it with you. Thank you to Jordan Cowling, who is our producer. We just learned that she's going to be leaving

soon, unfortunately. We will miss her. We will have her for one more episode, but Jordan, thank you for so much. Oh, man, we're going to have somebody fucking bleeps in that episode. Yeah, it's true. Thank you to maximum fun for being our network. Go over to maximumfund.org, see a bunch of great shows click on them listen to see listen to them. You know, you see the watch you look at them and you're like, oh, this one sounds good. Okay, so I think when you said see you just meant literally like the icon or the

Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it played through Garageband and look at the waveforms Yes, but it played through a garage band and look at the waveforms. Yes, but for when it comes to podcasts, I'm on a C sound diet. I see sound. And then I listen to it for the flop. I have been the author of the underground adventure Dan McCoy age 43. Elliott, I want you to run that C sound joke by Samian and see what the reaction is. I think it's going to be a positive one. This is what I'm going to get from.

He's going to roll his eyes and go, ha ha dead. Although he's still learning how to roll his eyes. He'll I'll say something that doesn't like and he'll just wave his eyes around. Basically, wave his head around. He goes, did I roll my eyes? And I'm like, he's to roll his eyes. He'll all say something that doesn't like, and he'll just wave his eyes around. Basically, wave his head around, he goes, did I roll my eyes? And I'm like, he's already rolling his eyes at a teenager level. Yeah, you guys say your names,

and then we can leave. Oh, my name is Stuart Wellington, an appreciator of the underground adventure written by Dan McCoy, age eight or nine. Yeah, nine at the time. He was probably spread out over a period of a couple of months, right? Yeah, it was dance like Robert It was probably spread out over a period of a couple of months. Yeah, it was dance like Robert Carro. It takes him a very long time to write these books,

even when he was a kid. And I'm Ellie Kellen, a pre-shader, always of dance talent as a young man and as an old man. And every point in between saying thanks for listening. Bye. Bye, bye.