The Flop House - FH Mini 10 - Detectives! w/ John Hodgman and David Rees

Episode Date: June 27, 2020

Our pals John Hodgman and David Rees have an animated show called Dicktown, about an aging boy detective and his aging bully/partner, premiering on FXX's "Cake" on July 9. Thus, in a completely generous, non-promotional gesture, they dropped by to discuss private detectives in movies, and in fiction generally.

Hey, it's me, John Hodgman, host of The Flop S. Another episode where we don't watch a movie and I come by for some reason. I'm here with our friends, Elliot Kaylen. Hi, Elliot. Oh, hey, John. I'm glad you've taken the reins. Dan McCoy. Hi, Dan. Hey, could you come do this every time? Because I don't know what I'm doing. And Stuart Wellington, moving along. Oh, hey, how you doing to this every time? Because I don't know what I'm doing. And Stuart Wellington moving along. Oh, hey, how you doing? Great to be here.

Oh, great to see you. Or not see you, but hear you. And our extra special guest, my colleague friend and dear collaborator in a project that we will be discussing later on in this episode, David Reese. Hi, thanks for having me, John. That's my pleasure. Of course, the flop house comes to you every week episode David Reese. Hi, thanks for having me, John.

That's my pleasure. Of course, the flop house comes to you every week from MaximumFun.org with a discussion about a movie that did not do well. But we sometimes do these mini episodes where we talk about whatever we want. And that's all I know about them. You know, Dan, can you tell me what these mini episodes

are about? Well, they're pretty freeform. We just do whatever we like. Although, John, it sounded like you were going to like, launch into a ad for Lucky Strike cigarettes or, you know, some other old-time radio sponsor. Right. Our sponsor this week is Striker. Are you tired of going out to the Odega to get cigarettes? Why not order them delivered to your home via the internet? Striker.

STRIKR. It's the internet cigarette company. We believe so much in these cigarettes that we bought the factory in Germany to send them to you. Now so by the way don't smoke cigarettes everyone. Joe. Thanks good. You come in good Serve John Hodgman and David Reese are here in large part because they have a new show coming out called Dick Town And we'll get to that in a moment, but what I really want to talk about right now is now David you probably don't recall I met you once before at the wedding of our mutual friend Mr. Brock mayhan also uh... all it's uh... very close friend and when i recall about this is uh... we had a pleasant interaction and then

uh... because it was a cash bar for some reason i offered a bite you a drink because brach not made a money dan yeah i was made if i could stand up for one of my love all this friends if there's anything one should have at a rock did not make a trillion dollars being a producer on going deep with david reese yet no we can all get all the settled tv show that nobody watched which i would

that did not give him open bar money i'll step up and say that uh... i was when waiting for a moment to mention going deep with david reese one of my favorite television shows of all time i mean i'll say is like you know much much poorer people than brought to head open bars but the point is i was i was i was re-wanted the names of jeff

and sally checks out uh... but that was the way yes okay it was three people that was the same wedding. It was a Call of the Emory's wedding. Okay, right. They did have an open bar. I mean, the point is,

it's like they have an open marriage. It was merely that. That was the slogan of the time, open bar, open marriage. You know what, it's an unspoken rule among thruple weddings, open bar, of course, is required. Yeah. Yeah. You got to get the parents on board.

Get the parents on board, loosen them up. I'm really good. You got a lot of parents to please, you know, ruin the day I agreed to five. And open bars are real guaranteed parent pleaser. The point to be pleaser. The point of the story, such as it was, which is not much was that you're a trust fund dilatant who requires everyone to spend as there was not really is there's not open bar and i offered to buy david a drink because i enjoyed his show so much going deep with david reason and he looked

at me like i was a crazy person which is to be fair a totally reasonable reaction to that calm but uh... that. But that was our one meeting prior to this. That makes me, I'm sorry, like maybe I was distracted because I was DJing the reception and I was really nervous about it. I think that was probably part of it. You did it actually. I can't say anything to you. I can't do that.

You didn't ask you this while you were DJing and it really threw you off. That's my thing. No, no. We were in the bar section of the wedding. I'm sure that you were doing a great job DJing. I'm sure you were distracted by it. And I'm also sure that I was deeply awkward

because that is my default. So. Yeah, I mean, knowing Dan, you probably started the conversation by complaining that he wasn't playing enough B-size. Yeah. That was a... I was like going deep with David Reese.

Going the obvious choices with David Reese. I had been hired by Brock to DJ his wedding and at the time I was making a lot of mashups and Brock had asked if I would place some mashups for the people dancing and I had made a couple using some songs that Brock and his wife or Mel really liked and I had made one that I thought was really terrific that worked really well which was dancing on my own by Robin with girls just want to have fun by Cindy Lauper along with I believe in a thing called love by the darkness And I was playing it

And then someone came up to me and said can you just play girls just want to have fun? I wanted to spew that I have nothing but warm warm memories of that wedding. I think you did a great job. Oh, it was a great wedding. But I have fraught memories, and I no longer speak to Brock or Remel, and resent them forever, just kidding. I hope I miss those guys. So, Dave, do you have any more grievances you want to air? I just like that.

Dan said he had nothing but warm memories. And he started by complaining about having the pain of his own dreams. No, I mean, if I had not been a hero to him. Not a warm memory, sir. Unless it's warmed by the fires of your rage and resentment. If anything, this was an apology to Mr. Reese for putting him in an awkward position. I was probably socially awkward too and was probably scowling just because that's how my face usually is.

And I'm sorry if you've spent a couple years thinking I was a crappy DJ and an unpleasant person. You're not the only person who's not that close, so you don't have to. I mean, I've, I've, anyone has, has a grievance, it's me since I, I actually had requested to be the DJ and they asked for mashups and I played them what I called monster mash, which is a mashup of the monster mash and suicide is Painless, the theme song for Man. Sure, yeah. And they said, tonally, it didn't mix,

and in retrospect, they were right, but I thought the title worked really well. Tonally, it didn't mix, and also it sounded bad. Yes, oh, very much so. It was not danceable, which is ironic since the Monster Mash is a song about a dance. Right. Yeah.

And I guess Suicide is Painless is about a dance. Right. Yeah. And I guess Suicide's fanlist is about the dance called War. Okay. So the point is that we're here to talk about it. We're here to talk about detectives today on the show. John and Dave, would you please tell us about Dicktown, your upcoming program? Sure.

John, do you want to... Let's coordinate our media strategy? Who takes the lead on this? Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. All right, completely synchronized media strategy. I know what we do, John.

Alternate words. Good, here we go. Dig down. Dig down is our new show that premieres on FXX's anthology of short form programming called cake on July July 9th and also On Hulu the following day Wow, that was great I broke but you did it

I was gonna read the episodes that way. I was really successful. I was really impressed by the falling up of And with also. Classic, yeah. I was buying time. Beautiful, like beautifully done. And so if I understand correctly, it's a town where instead of people everyone's a penis? No, that's fine. We couldn't sell that version of it. They asked for something a little less esoteric.

Okay. Here's the deal. David, reason I were invited, we were invited, everyone, to come up with an idea for a short form animated show, for FXX's late night anthology show, cake. And we had an idea. FXX is late night anthology show cake. And we had an idea. We wanted to do an animated show about a detective show

in which my character named John Hunschman is a former prodigal boy detective, Allah and cyclopedia Brown. But now he has grown up and he's in his 40s and he's sat in a loan and he's still solving crimes for teenagers. And David Reese's character, David Purfoy, is my character's former high school bully and arch-enemy, who also has failed to thrive and is hanging around this town and he has now become my driver and sort of hired muscle and unlikely friend and we go episode after episode Solving various mysteries for

Teenagers in this town now This is a show with a lot of heart, a lot of warmth. And we knew therefore that FXX and its parent company FX and its parent company F, not be into it. And therefore, I had the idea, I'm sorry David, to claim this inspiration. So the longest word I've ever heard in my life. Was this the one word description? Oh, that's kidding.

Keep going. So, in any case, we had the idea to call it Dicktown. Dick is in Detective. And also the fictional town in which the show is set is called Richard'sville, North Carolina. And the locals call it Dicktown. And we thought that that would bring FX around to their sort of subversive, provocative

point of view. And it worked. But now, like, I don't like saying swear words. I don't like saying dick all the time. But now we have a show called Dict. So it's called dick town. I think I think the the the ad campaign I saw for it where it says she wants the D and then parentheses ik town has not helped with the kind of heartwarming feeling. You saw all those billboards that I put up. Yeah. Yeah. I mean you put them all up in my

neighborhoods which really been hard to them. Yeah avoid that. And my son is like, what's that? And I said, uh, don't look. There has been so much advertising throughout Hollywood, New York, Chicago, all across the country. I mean, people, by this point, are incredibly tired of hearing about Dick Town in their sponsored content on their Instagrams. And this is the last stop on the Dictantor, the D-Tantor.

I have the DTT. Right. I would like to say this is the sort of very hyper-specific esoteric, not relevant to the zeitgeist of 2020 premise that is catnept to me. Like I, it was exactly the thing that I love. Now I, are the, well that's because we made it in 2018.

Yeah, right. Yeah, that takes a long time. The pilot is all about Charlottesville, Virginia, and the United States. Oh, boy. Now, as the mysteries solved in cyclopedia and brown style in that they mostly depend on where penguins live, like which poll the penguins.

Whether it's a meteorite, or it's like Chilap a meteorite in Hatchell. trivia-based solutions. Yeah, exactly. It's a mix. It's a mystery of the week. And John's character, John Hunchman, does know a lot of trivia.

I think there's some bird-related trivia in the pilot. And actually, there's some bird-related clues in the season finale. So he's a well-rounded well-read guy. In one episode he brags about his activity on Goodreads.com, but there's no replacing shoe leather, you know, and just elbow grease. And so there's a lot of research and interviewing suspects and driving around in my character's fiero and tracking down leads and corralling people, sometimes bullying them

and to telling us what we want to know. It's a mix of investigative paradigms. One of the things that I always loved about Insectopedia Brown was the solutions and you would go to the back of the book after you read the mystery to find the solution. The solution was always like Encyclopedia Brown knew that the car hood would still be hot if the if the villain had driven as far as he had and therefore the baby dancing on the car hood would have been burned

horribly on his soul or whatever. Yeah, the case of the dancing baby hood. And they always end with and so faced with the logic that their alibi made no sense, the criminal confessed immediately to the crime. Yeah, yeah, Which it should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been.

It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been.

It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. It should have always been. I'm gonna win with that. Well, that's like, in the beginning of all the books, they'd be like, you know, wherever's, I forgot in Cyclopeia Brown's real first name,

but that his dad was the chief of police. What? We were. We were. We were. He was bad boyly, bad badly, because he would actually, oh, because he was bad, that's right, because in the last book they revealed that he was solving

these minor crimes to cover up the fact that he was the crime king of the Midwest. And he had this network of child thieves. But in the beginning, he'd always be like, please, Chief Brown, wish that he could tell the world about his brilliant son. I was like, well, why can't he? Hold on a second.

Well, I mean, I don't know. Because revealing that all of the law enforcement of the town had been subcontracted. I mean, better to just take credit for his son's work in a big-eyes-type scenario. I don't think so. No. It's a... if... if Chief Brown, and by the way, in sight, maybe it is Brown's first name, is Lee Roy.

I just looked it up. If Chief Brown had revealed that his son had solved every crime in Idaville for the past in impossible number of years because his own encyclopedia brown time. Yeah. Then immediately there would be a call to defund the police about get rid of the police department because they're not doing anything. It's all this one middle schooler. Yeah, I mean that's when we say abolish the police. What we're just saying is replace them with encyclopedia bros. replace them with genius. Yeah, it's not for free. So to answer your question, tampons in the milkshakes. That's about today's news. I didn't make that up. That's not a dick. That's incredible. I know.

news. I didn't make that up. That's not a dick. That's incredible. That's incredible. Real life. I know. It's a rip from the headlines. Maybe maybe that'll be saved for a season two, which comes out 20, 29. The Hardy boys also had a their dad was a detective, right? Oh, yeah, he was he was Ed Hardy, the clothing magnet. Oh, right. He was detecting new fashions. Now my childhood child detectives of choice were the three investigators. And I've envisioned this to just do an alley before who were not familiar with this.

Are either of you three investigators men never heard of them? But that's what you called yourself and your two brothers. It was an Alfred Hitchcock branded series. It was one of these things where he put his name on. In the early episodes, he funded them, I guess, because they solved the crime for him. But mostly he was my boss. No, no, it was a book series.

It was a Hardy Boys-esque series. Jupiter Jones was the smart one. And then they had you know like i don't know the bookish one of the tough guy yeah jupiter jones plus two was basically the investigation jupiter jones and then john marsh and then bob stevensson so only jupiter jones had the really interesting

name yeah i think bob cringesha might have been one i don't it's not even important i just i was curious if like know, there's this whole industry. Whether or not you've made those books up or not. It was a fever dream. It's like I had a dream. I, where Alfred Hitchcock was bankrolling some middle school detectives. And what about him?

He's been juper. Did I imagine this? Yes, Dan, you did. Hashtag Hitchcock is cancelled party I've a very vague memory of the three investigators, but I think that I kind of Distain them as an off brand imitator a licensed Hitchcock property if you will Right, I was so that's where John lands on it. He is a hater Right. I was.

So that's where John lands on it. He is a hater. Hater. Investigator hater, yeah. Don't care for them. Gator hater. No, wait, you see a hater, but you hate investigators, not gators, not alligators, right? Because all of them.

All of them. Really? Even alligators. How would you say that alligators are great? It's like the closest we're ever going to get to a dinosaur. Yeah, I'm with Elliot. I think that's true. I think I heard it. It's Elliot. closest we're ever gonna get to a dinosaur. Yeah, I'm with Elliot. I think that's true. I think it's Elliot.

Dan, don't be both pedantic and naive. You're being a pet, because yes, birds are dinosaurs that have evolved to be tiny and can fly some of the time and morons. Alligators, however, they've got the thing that dinosaurs really have going for them, which is size and teeth. No, no, those two, that was the second thing that dinosaurs really have going for them, which is size and teeth Yeah, no, no, those two that was the second thing I was gonna say. Yeah, they got those big teeth You can wrestle them. You can't wrestle a bird. You look like a crazy person Restful an alligator do that right in the middle of Fifth Avenue people would love it

I wouldn't like to take issue with the implication that you just made that birds are dumber than dinosaurs Do you do you believe this to be true? Sir, yeah, 100,000 per cent. 100,000 per cent, sir. All right. I think you're influenced by the clever girl as you saw in a little movie called Jurassic Park. That was it. Was it or was it not a clever girl?

It was a clever girl. And have you ever seen, have you ever seen a bird that one you would consider clever? And two, you would be so informal with as to call a girl. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. You win. Yes sir. May I say um fuck you?

How can you get a say on that light? Quite sure why to fly is it? I mean I don't know what I mean I believe the standards on your show is that swearing is allowed, right? Encouraged. Alright then how fucking dare you. The Corvid family of birds, we're talking about crows, they're capable of manipulating things into tools. They remember faces, they hold grudges, and they teach their grudges to their young. I consider myself a Corvid at heart.

And tomorrow I'm going to train my young to hold a grudge against your face. Wow. Because those are those are smart birds. Those that's very smart. It's not quite you having a novelty song about how you got to love them because they're the baby, but that's pretty smart. Yeah. It's not dinosaur. Those aren't dinosaurs. Those are muppets. Yeah. I agree. Pigeons can navigate by architecture. Go on. That's it. That's it. That's means there's a microphone. Yeah. And meanwhile, David Reese, we saw some alligators in Florida when we took a fan boat ride. Oh my gosh. What were they doing? Just lying around in the mud waiting for a

Sunday, the sunning themselves, right? That's the thing that a genius does. The genius is like, hey, why am I bust in my ass working day and day out when I just lay out here? When the government will pay me just to stay home, I make more money with this COVID stimulus than I ever did at my job. Exactly. Classic alligator thinking.

Yeah. You guys, you're saying. You're saying when you were taking that fan boat, you actually asked those alligators for directions and they couldn't give them to you because they can't navigate by architecture, right? Yeah, because Swamp was filled with skyscrapers and plazas and you're like, there's too many buildings here and we don't know where we are. They're like, can you, we're looking for, we're looking for an example of the Bauhaus style and the Brutalist building now John and David quick quick quick tangent to shout out David Reese's podcast election profit makers

Which is the number one the number one podcast for all of your election Oriented results betting needs. Oh, it's a it's a weekly podcast between David Starley Kine and David's friend from middle school in North Carolina and John Kimball talking about the various investments they're making on the political markets on predicted.org. But there's a huge sideline to the podcast talking about the best skylines in the world. I'm going to tell you something right now. but there's a huge sideline to the podcast talking about the best skylines in the world. I'm going to tell you something right now. Those alligators don't know they don't know they don't know what a skyline looks like. They can't even, you know what I mean? They do, it's just chilly.

Now, only familiar with the chilly brand. Before we move on, I do want to ask one question regarding this. No, no, I know you you got a pretty packed agenda Dan Yeah, I have a question regarding this fan boat tour now on your tour as as happened on my tour And I don't want to brag that I've got fan boat tour money, but um, but apparently not about about wedding bar drink Well, no i'm not right that's the opposite my friend i was complaining about it but i was

you know me dan McCoy open bar fanboy to open fanboy i'm not letting me down with my friends open bar fanboy open bar fanboat tour no i just wanted to know whether on your tour as on my tour the guide used giant marshmallows to

Get the alligators to come No, I wait what the marshmallow shooter? David's face was so disgusted by the idea. I was told that because it was like a bigger contrast against the water The white marshmallow that the alligators would come to the boat and have that marshmallow treat. Yeah, yeah, he doesn't mean it that way, Stuart. The alligators were not orgasmic, at the same time. I was going to say, I mean, that's why they're so lazy, right?

I mean, it seems to work. Do they actually eat the marshmallows or or they just come closer to investigate it. No, they love these marshmallows. These alligators had a sweet tooth or several. That makes me sad to think about animals eating processed food. We did not have the marshmallow lure. We were offered plastic tubs of marshmallow fluff to throw at the alligators. And we did that and we just bounced them off their heads clunk clunk clunk over and over again

The alligators like what what what oh, sorry. What's this guy line? I don't even know. There it says stupid So guys, I've never written a TV show. Yeah, but was there a point when you were thinking about making the main character a dinosaur? Hmm. There is a movie that I'm thinking of. Is it Theodore Rex? And I don't know the name of it. Say it again. Theodore Rex with Woopy Goldberg, where she's partnered with a with a dinosaur cut

with some real that's a real movie it's at the future will be go brings a future cop and she's partnered with a clumsy dinosaur cop and it's the movie that i believe the producers had to sue her to force her to appear in it because she's weird though because dinosaurs it's an animator it is not animated it is a live action film the

i'm uh... easily a little time to runinosaur is like a human sized transverse wreck. I believe I've been I've been dialing up a photo so we can all I don't know if that's There you go. That really looks like one of those fake movies they make. Wow. Yeah, it looks like a post on the background of a movie. Yeah, right. You can tell from that poster that that dinosaur has an attitude. You know, we are not as creative as the people who came up with Theodore Rex. It's all humans in our in our world. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry if I ruined your promotions here guys. No, it's just, now we've got the panels and time. In the heart of our show, but that's fine.

We can figure that out. I mean, usually Stuart, they don't, when they're promoting something, they don't want the host to give a glimpse of something more beautiful that might have been. But. I don't want to, I really appreciate David Rees' incredibly professional segue back to promoting our show. Can we go back to Theodore Rex for a second?

That is a movie that I never watched even though I worked in a video rental place when it came out. And I could have easily watched it five times for nothing. Has anyone ever seen clips of it? I have only ever seen clips of it. I've never seen it all the way through. Yeah, the VHS cover fascinated for me for years, but I've never seen it. I read the book The Oretz,

but that's volume two of Edmund Mars' Theodore Roosevelt series. So that's not related to the film at all. All right. I just want to know. Properties that gets option and then 20 years later they finally make something with it and it's just like a game of telephone and it just becomes something so completely different. They're like, Eddie, good news. They're finally pulling the plug on Theodore Rex. Oh, the story of his presidency.

Yeah, they made a few changes. Right. It's now called John Carter. There's a book series, or at least one book, about a world where there's a dinosaur that is a detective and where's a human suit, because dinosaurs are secretly still living among us, but they wear human suits to blend in. I don't remember what it's called and I have not read it. Is that like kids? Just.

No, it is not for kids. I mean, it's a pro. Just like a 3-piece suit. And like a human mask uh... self-published erotica that kind of stuff that you see on amazon is it like that uh... i haven't read it so i'm gonna have to assume yes but uh... no it's it was a real book from a real publisher that the dinosaur erotica is hilarious though well i pounded in the butt by the by a velociraptor or whatever. That's the title. Yeah. Yeah.

That was based on the power broker by Robert Carroll, but it just changes over the years. Bobby Bobby cares. We got a good some good news. They're finally making that power the trigger on that power broker book Oh good. Who's gonna play Robert Carroll? Oh, he's not in it anymore And when I say that that dinosaur rottica's hilarious, I know a mean to judge were belittled those who are roused by dinosaur rottica, really to say that it to me, it is a humorous assemblage of parts. Look, I mean, let's say let's just say this, even normal sexes, hilarious. Like, unless you're like the person involved in it and you're like super into it, like, it is objectively hilarious.

And like, I feel bad. I use the word normal sex as if a thing is normal sex. There's not, that's just the thing is normal sex. All sex, I meant to say, is hilarious from all the humorous assemblage of parts. Yeah, yeah, it's the human body. There's a, yeah, I forget what stand up was it, was it like Rita Rudner or someone who referred to,

I think I've done this in a flop that was before and I've forgotten, but referred to a naked man as looking like a half decorated Christmas tree. And I've always thought that was such a funny line. And like, we'll think about it while I'm getting changed. And I'm like, yeah, that's kind of what it feels like. Right. I, there's a time during quarantine where I was like,

I'm just gonna embrace the fact that I'm 42 years old and I'm not gonna worry about the fact that I'm walking nude through my home wearing woolen slippers. I mean, that you should worry about that a little bit. No, I'm just like, you know what, I've got a pot belly. I'm naked but for footwear and I don't care. Is it cold where you are? Why are you wearing wool slippers?

I'm glad you asked. I wear slippers because I do not like the feeling of like dirt being picked up on my feet and I have hardwood floors. And no matter how clean you get your floors, you're just gonna get like crout on your feet and I have hardwood floors and no matter how clean you get your floors, you're just going to get like, crout on your feet. Okay. The disadvantage of it just felt like something wasn't adding up with that story.

Yeah, that's right. You know, you got to follow, you got to unravel every clue. Also any detective would notice that the lint on Dan's feet matches only one apartment in all of Brooklyn. Right. And then you would be picked for the suspect immediately because he was walking around with Dan McCoy-Lint, floor lint on his feet. I mean, speaking of detectives, which was originally our idea for this many, that was all you know. Anonymous Rex is the name of the novel, Elliot.

Anonymous Rex, okay, thank you. By Eric Garcia to me the most hilarious. Sorry, go on. I don't know. I don't say that that novel is not I don't think related to theater rex anyway other than no also positive in the world where humans and dinosaurs coexist but not in like a biblical way just in like a film noir type way. Okay, right. It was it was followed by a prequel called Casual Rex in 2002. And then a sequel called Hot and Sweaty Rex circling back around to Dinosaur porn. Yeah, let's talk about Rex Baby.

And then you know. LAUGHTER Sorry, I just want to close that Rump shaker Yeah, and then and then of course the last book homorectual Well, I want to do is solve mysteries in a human suit. I'm anonymous Rex. That's a that's a song, right? Yeah So Dan detectives I am a big fan of

uh... so dandetectives i'm a big fan of sure what comes as our the millions of people over the years but like i really want he uh... made a huge impression on me and i just love when sure what comes was a child he made an impression on you no when i was a child that would i was a child

i was gonna say you're gonna love encyclopedia brown all of my heroes were outdated figures from As a child I love short homes. I love Robin Hood but no I end Prime Minister Disraeli. You know, Voltaire. No I just I I loved that there would be these things where there would be dirt on someone's shoes and homes would be like oh I wrote a monograph on the different types of dirt and London. I mean, I happen to be an expert. Like, anything that would come up,

homes wrote a monograph on it, you know, like, oh, this is pipe ash, and I know exactly what type of pipe ash this is. And, like, I don't have a problem with it. Like, the beauty of the home stories was always that the characters were so indelibly written and lovable for all their, for all homes arrogance. But it was like kind of an early example of like,

oh, this character will have whatever superpowers necessary at the moment. Yeah, and the appeal of Holmes, too, I think, is very powerful, because he presents as a highly competent and successful, sexless, weird. And as I was a sexless, weird growing up and arguably still, the detective who is able to live outside of society, as I think most classic who done it detectives do, and connect the dots to explain how humans live and exist, and yet remain apart from them, that was very seductive to me. Like, I can see how humans interact with each other, but I don't have to be a part of them.

And I'll describe what kind of dust is on their suit jacket or whatever. I think that's an interesting point because I do think that the most sort of lovable detectives are the ones that seem to exist the most apart from society. Like for instance there is a there's a reason why it is a like funny trope that a bunch of detectives live off on houseboats somewhere because that's a big idea to live. Take it away John. Oh yeah, you have a thing on this. Do you have a type 5 on houseboats? Just that my character in Dictown, John Huntsman lives on a houseboat. Same deal. What's the name of the boat?

Oh, there's a big reveal. Oh, that's a season for now. That was a spoiler in the penultimate episode. Okay, then don't tell me. It is unnamed, but then the name is revealed at the end. That's based on Travis McGee's books, right John? Because you were a big Travis McGee fan? Well, it was two things because you, David, really wanted to create a Simon and Simon

type TV show, right? Didn't you want to do a Simon and Simon inspiration? Something, yeah, guys hanging out on the water, like living in that liminal space between the water and the land, I guess. Is that Simon and Simon are hardcastled, McCormick? Miami Vice, he lives on a boat on a house boat. That's right, a lot of that lives on a house boat. Yeah, yeah. Right.

And Travis McGee is a famous, essentially a detective created by Johnny McDonald in the late 60s through the early 80s, like 25 to 500 novels. And he always lives in a houseboat. So as you say, Dan, he lives apart from regular society. And in Dicktown, the character that I play, John Huntsman, gets a houseboat specifically because he wants to be that kind of detective. It's like it's a sad aspirational Purchase for him. It's not what it's not that he actually lives on the on the limits of of Civilization is that he want he wants to pretend that he does so no that's that's terrific

And he's got it. So he was that his way is that his way of Becoming a like a grown-up detective whereas he was he was like a kid detective when he was younger. Yeah, he thought this was gonna be buying a house, but was the next step into becoming an adult. You would eventually have adult clients, but that never materialized for him. And he just kept working for teenagers and ended up being weirder and weirder and legitimately

more and more outside of mainstream society. Yeah, I feel like he has one friend to his David pure for it played by David Rees. The appeal of houseboats I think is kind of focused on teenagers. Like I think the older you get the more nervous you get about the idea of going to somebody's house that is also a boat In zodiac does Robert Downey Jr.'s character wind up on a houseboat? Yeah, he ends up on a houseboat just playing pong all day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Speaking of good Who don't I haven't seen that movie? Oh, it's a great movie such a great movie such a terrific movie Yeah, and there's a houseboat on it and the books that I've been reading a lot of in quarantine, the Jack

Reacher novels by Lee Child. Jack Reacher doesn't live on a houseboat, but he's a drifter. He has no fixed address, and he just travels around via bus, around America, and the only his only possessions are around America and the only his only possessions are a folding collapsible toothbrush and a very tiny billfold he only started carrying photo ID after 9-11 So there was a time when he just carried cash and a folding toothbrush and when he Though his relationship to his wardrobe is very interesting. So Jack Richard if you guys ever read these books I Read a word. Okay, and I remember he his the possession I remember the most is his hands that are the size of Christmas hands. Yeah, yeah

He's he's six foot five. He's a former military police investigator He got he was a victim of post Cold War downsizing and now he travels America stumbling into mysteries and solving them and beating the shit out of people and also shooting them with the toughest guns but he sounds like the villain of every other story right now he's a good guy but he is a drink you know he's in a houseboat of the mind he has no fixed address he has no he has no real like he you know obviously he makes love to a lot of beautiful and independent women, but none of those relations have really last. But what I wanted to say about his clothes is because they're like, why don't you ever take

me over to your place? And he's like, well, I live on a bus. Right. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know how to explain it. Drifter. I thought you'd take me out to like a nice dinner. I don't have any other clothes.

I want to finish this. Let me tell you about his clothes. This is very interesting, Elliot. Listen to this. He does something... Okay, to put this in context, when I was in the 90s, when I was living in the 90s, I studied abroad in England. And one of my flatmates was a British guy who came from a little bit of money. And he said, the best thing about going to Istanbul was a clotheser's so cheap that you

could buy a new t-shirt every day. And at the end of the day, you just throw it in the garbage and buy a new one. So Jack, that always totally means like- You're related to this guy, Dan. This is one of your- Right. So Jack, Richard does the same thing. He buys his clothes at hardware stores. He buys the

most utilitarian cheap clothes that he can. And at the end of the night, if he's lucky enough to be sleeping in a bed, he takes off all his clothes and he puts them under the mattress to press them as he sleeps on them. Do you understand what I'm saying? Because he doesn't have an ironing board or a steamer. So he sleeps on his

clothes and then the next morning he wakes up and they're pressed and then after a few days he throws him in the garbage and buys a new set of clothes. Isn't that cool? I mean, you mean he throws them in the garbage and then goes into a hardware store in the name? Yeah. I mean, the order probably I assume is a little different than as as reported, but no I I read the book I read I liked quite a bit. I was like I don't know whether you guys kind of went through this progression, but when I was a much younger person I was like much snobby. I started out. I started out younger. Okay. Yeah. Good. Good. Good.

I got older. Yeah. Yeah. That's how it goes. Wait, you're saying you were snobbier when you were critiquing David Reese's friend for having a cash bar? I was snobbier when I was younger and then as a good older, I embraced the fact that I was turning into a middle-aged man and I'm like, yeah, I will read these airport thrillers and I will enjoy them. They're pretty good.

Which one did you read? I think I read the first one. and I will enjoy them. They're the best. Oh, they're pretty good. Which one did you read? I think I read the first one. I think I really was that kind of person. With his brother. Oh, maybe not. Here's the thing. I actually, this is, I went through this thing where I'm like,

okay, which of these lead child Jack, Richard, bookstay, and I went down the list in Amazon. I'm like, none of this sounds familiar to me. But that's kind of the beauty of them because they all could be the one I read. That's like, I think it's kind of deliberate. It becomes a sludge and you can't separate out which event happened in which novel.

And it's more like each novel hits these beats, the stations of the cross, reach their stumbles into a new location. A woman needs his help. He gets in over his head for a while, and stations of the cross, reach her stumbles into a new location. A woman needs his help. He gets in over his head for a while, and then he just goes, book wild and kills a bunch of bad guys.

And that's the detective template. I mean, my mom, who is no longer alive, loved reading detective fiction. And she read the George Simmonon novels, all the Agatha Christie's, all the PD James, everything, and many a time when I was, you know, sort of in the in the prime of my brain development, 18, 19 years old, my mom would be reading a book and just say, oh, I've read this before.

Totally. And I would laugh and laugh at her. My own mom. How do you not know what books you've read? How can you not remember? And now I appreciate as someone who is now her age. These books are not meant to necessarily exist as individual works of fiction, but to be windows into a world that you

want to revisit from time to time and be and to connect with the characters that you care about and and our consolation to you in a way and rather than stimulating. Yeah exactly so and you know many a time I would wander you know through the house and see her sleeping soundly with a book propped over her closed eyes because it totally calmed her down and let her sleep. So, yeah, I think these characters are not designed to be, I mean, Travis McGree grew over the course of the various novels that he was in. But For the most part, it's just like you're hanging out with your friends and the friends are consoling to you especially because they are outsiders. And either that makes you feel comforted because you are also feel like

an outsider or that makes you feel like if you're a middle-aged dad, it's really cool to read about a guy who buys his clothes from the hardware store and puts his under his mattress and then throws it away because this guy is enjoying a life of perfect freedom and you've taken on the responsibilities of adulthood and you don't want them. I just always imagine, I just always imagine him rinsing out his underpants in the hotel sink at the end of the day. Yeah, he does that too. I mean, yeah.

He watches his pants and his intim end of the day. Yeah, he does that too. I mean, yeah, he was just watching this, intimate in the sink. It's like, I feel like that is a fair price to pay for. Total freedom is like, at the end of the day, you're still going to have to wash out your underpants in the sink and then hope they dry by tomorrow morning. Right, yeah. Yeah, because it's harder to like kick other people's butts

when you're squishing around in wet underpants. In your tank. It is very interesting to me that this world of murder largely, mostly murder is so sort of comforting because like, I mean, you know, there's the word for it, cozy mysteries. Like Audrey is a big aficionado of cozy mysteries I'm working from home writing still for the daily show But I hear her in the other room list like watching cozy mysteries and I find that cozy because I grew up with my parents watching mystery on PBS the coziest of mysteries and so

And we're going to have all that wine I used to I used to watch the title sequence and then as soon as over I would be like not interested and I would turn it off but I love that title sequence so yeah Well let me if I'm if I Hey Dan. Yeah, Elliott excuse me for a moment. Sure. Sure Dan. Could you could you define for your listeners? We may not know the term what a cozy mystery is? I would think, I tend to think that a cozy mystery is not so much, so there's the hard

boiled American style, which is your Philip Marlos and stuff, and often also another American tradition. The detective is part of the police force. A cozy mystery, it's more like there is this outsider character who is often eccentric and these mysteries will take place and say a manor house where there is a limited pool of suspects or a small English countryside village or train. Like an agatha Christie? Yes. Like not necessarily locked room mystery, but a closed environment mystery.

And they're not gritty. Yes, they're not gritty. As much as anyone dying can be charming these cozy mysteries are that I Mean that's murder she wrote the I mean that should be a horrifying show or ever this woman goes She's confronted with murder violent Yeah, and and no one puts two and two together that she's doing it

Yeah, that she's the one link between all these murders, but like her life should be unending I mean and she worked at that she's doing it. That she's the one link between those murders, but like her life should be unending nightmare. And she worked at that barber shop, slash pie shop, where everyone kept disappearing. Yeah, and she has a history of making arrows. Mm-hmm. She is a butcher. Yeah, yeah.

And she did try, I mean, luckily for all of us, she was assassinated at that presidential convention. Before she could set up a communist agent as president of the United States with her brain watch, Sun Slides, Laura. But not before she was on the SS Karnak, which is the ship that Herkulpoirot boards in murder on the Nile, the 1978 movie with Peter Yustanov as Urquil Pauro, which really sent Pauro into the stratosphere of American celebrity. Oh yeah, Pauro couldn't go anywhere after that without getting mobbed.

Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. I'm Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor. Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor. I'm Judge John Hodgman. You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I hear their cases, I ask them questions, they're good ones.

And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong. Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire one of the worst dad jokes of all time. Instead of cutting his own hair with a flow bee, my husband has his hair cut professionally. I have to join a community theater group. And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. Find it every Wednesday at maximumfund.org or wherever you download podcasts. Thanks, Judge John Hodgman. Listen, I'm a hot shot Hollywood movie producer. You have until I finish my glass of kombucha to pitch me your idea. Go.

All right, it's called Who Shot You? A movie podcast that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. I'm if you white away the new host of the show and a certified BBN. BBN. Buff Black Nerd. I'm Alonzo Duraldi, an elderly gay and legit film critic who wrote a book on Christmas movies.

I'm Dre Clark, a loud white lady from Minnesota. Each week we talk about a new movie in theaters and all the important issues going on in the film industry. It's like guess who's coming to dinner meets cruising. And if it helps seal the deal, I can flex my muscles while we record each episode. I'm sorry, this is a podcast, I'm a movie producer, how did you get in here? If you quick, start flexing! Bicep, LATS, CHESS!

Who shot you? Dropping every Friday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Who shot you? Dropping every Friday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. I want to ask you what you think of the Houston of Poirot because that is the Poirot that I was introduced to first and I know it's not the most wild here at Poirot. It's not the most down-to-date. David J. We can all agree is the most is the finest of the Poirot's but like what what is your feeling on PV used to love? Well, first of all, I heartily disagree with your theory that David Souchet is the best of the pro-Ros. Okay, well, see the one from the TV show?

Yes. Yeah. You watched that, right, David? Yeah, I like that. He's like, I like that. Yeah. Oh, he's great. Who's better?

We'll get to that in a minute. Okay. Okay. The teaser. that in a minute. OK. T-Zer. Talk about a master of suspense. I spent some time this afternoon revisiting the Houston off, Paul Rose. That's why it's not like I'm standing by all the time ready to cite a Paul Roe movie

that Angela Lansbury was in. I happened to be watching parts of them this afternoon. And so pollo hit the cinema, the American cinema, hard, with Albert Finne as pollo in 1974's murder on the Orient Express with Sean Connery. I was giving, yeah, that's what I was giving a thumbs down to. That movie is, ugh. It that movie is it's a slog Sydney Lumet directed I just want to see me look at really that movie really watching that movie really makes you feel like a cigarette It's just like so Grimey and brown and everyone just looks sickly and shiny and there's a paler over everything

It's like that's incredible that it was released. That's exactly what I like about it though. I love how disgusting Poro is in it. He's such a strange, off-putting, grimy, gross man with all that wax in his mustache. I'm like, I love it. I love how sweaty everyone is in that movie. And they're rich.

These are supposed to be rich, glamorous people. And they're rich. These are supposed to be rich glamorous people, and they're so like sweaty. Oh, it's great. The princess in it is incredible. Wendy Hiller is amazing in it. I will say that. Oh, yeah, right. Wendy Hiller, right, of course.

I see it, I see it. It's really good. But, you know, that movie was a huge commercial success. And so they decided like we're gonna make, like Poirot movie was a huge commercial success. And so they decided like, we're gonna make, like, Poirot is gonna be the new bond. And for in a brief period in the late 70s, they were like building a Poirot cinematic universe.

And if any would not come back and play Poirot, well, a good decision as far as I'm concerned. I guess, do you think that the series ended with Ross Poirot? In 1992. Oh Oh my god. Wow, he's out. The elusive wowie. Who's gonna who's gonna solve the mystery of the person who put the spikes in the tire than derailed my old comment? No one is because Elliot confessed by saying I've done thing

So you're saying anyway building the pro pro the PCU Peter Peter used to not have came in with murder on the Nile Which was also in 1978 I think and that was also a big commercial success, but Peter Euston basically turned Poirot into a Muppet and murder on the Nile and evil under the sun, 1982, where these, like, basically dumb, comedic, English character actor rumps where they got like Maggie Smith and Diana Rigg and lots and lots of other well-known character actors to just like take a vacation together and film these incredibly dull soundtrackless like the Seedrals. They're like very successful. I think they were right. I think you're right I think they are very tall the inexplicable thing is

Child Dan loved these movies me too Dan me too Yeah, okay, but it's probably like how I used to love reading doonsbury because it made you feel like a grownup Yeah, wow right Doonsbury because it made you feel like a grown-up. Yeah. Wow. Right. We would go visit family friends and then at night, you know, I would be in some older brothers room or something and there would be all these big Doonsbury anthologies about Watergate and the Ted Offensive or whatever. And it's like panel after panel of the White House for the voice balloons coming out of

it. And I didn't understand any of the references and I would just read it and be like Oh, I'm such a little grown-up here. Read this Doonsbury. Yeah, usually when I would go into an older kid's room, I would immediately reach for the Doonsbury. Instead of the stack of like heavy metals or something. Right. But I think you tune into something that is very true about sort of detective fiction and mystery fiction broadly defined because one of the sort of accepted principles of the police procedural on television is that, you know, if you're watching, I don't want to

malign certain shows because I want to work on television again. But if you're watching a CBS police procedural, they try to keep the mystery pretty solvable so that the people who are watching them can feel smart. That's a that's a charitable description. No, because I think it's the same thing. It's sort of like, you know, you, you engage with mystery fiction in order to connect with a character that maybe is able to do the stuff that you can't do. It's aspirational in that way. Like, you, they, they can say the things that you can say. They, they're outside of society. They live in a house, but they're fucking around or whatever and also because it makes you feel intelligent

To follow the mystery and maybe solve it before The the character does you know, I also wanted to say to that end like the center the eccentricity of the best Detectives, I mean we are living through a time, for instance, that like the police are rightfully being deeply. Here we go. No, no, no, no, the police. Relevance, I get it, damn. No, no, no, no, the police are rightfully

being deeply interrogated as an institution. And I don't want to get too deeply into that, but an oft referenced character on our show is Colombo, and the beauty of Colombo is that he feels so outside that system. He feels like a warrior from the lower classes who has power and comes in and fucks with these rich people who think they're smarter than him. Yeah, I mean detective shows and detective fiction and detective movies are different from police shows. Because they are about one or two single outsiders who live away from these systems and are able to interrogate them and find a solution

and justice for people who are wronged by those systems. You know, the strad in Sherlock Holmes is a buffoon. Like Sherlock Holmes, like one of the great innovations I thought of the Stephen Moffat, what's the other guy's name? Mark Gattis. Mark Gattis Sherlock series was to openly just have Sherlock himself identify as a high functioning sociopath. He's not a human being as we understand it. He is essentially a superhero who exists

outside of human law in order to impose a better form of justice. And the police are not part of that justice. That's like in cyclopedia browns dad. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a human law like the cavity from the cats. Yeah. Well, no, and cavity doesn't exist outside of human law. He's broken every human law. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's encyclopedia Brown. You have to imagine that his dad every now and then brings him in and roughs him up and is like, I get a little too close, Brown. I just thought the sophistication got a message from Bugs Meanie right here. Oh, wow. So you are, you are a positive in the world where they're in Idaville the corruption goes all the way to the top which is which is the psychopedia pronounce bad. He's taking money from Bugsmeanie and

and they are a father-to-son adversarial relationship. Wow very much so. I mean also I mean that's just making just making concrete the fact that every father's son relationship is at heart and adversarial relationship Yeah, this is just applying it to to legal institutions, you know, yeah encyclopedia browns dad is Saturn Where it hasn't cyclopedia brown is Zeus yeah, yeah, he's like he's like I should have swallowed you in your swaddling clothes Lee Roy If only your what if only your mother hadn't fed me a rock instead. Yeah.

Yeah, you guys read some books of mythology. Yeah. Wow. That's basically the best review of this podcast. You've cut them to the quick and the way that I wish I could. Dan, I mean it's one of those, that's one of those, that's one of those, Chris, that's one of those attacks though, which is like, yeah, how else are we going to learn that stuff? What, Fred? First hand source? Was I going to go go to the register and talk to Zeus?

Yeah, that's going to be a book. You go to the boy next door and get a first edition. Get a first edition of the Odyssey? Come on. So Dan, cozy mysteries, I just wanna ask, do you think that the difference between a cozy mystery and a hard-boiled mystery is partly that a hard-boiled mystery is this kind of fantasy where the world is corruption and you get to identify with the one noble person in it.

And Cozy, Cozy Mystery is more the fantasy of like, the world is pretty okay, but there's like some dark stuff underneath and every time it bubbles up, a kindly lady kind of taps it down and brings order back to chaos. Do you think that there are two sides of the same coin that way or no. I know, I, yes, I believe that it's funny. Like this is an idea that in no way originated with the television program, Northern Exposure. But I first encountered it. I cannot wait to find out where this is going. No, I first, like the first time I encountered someone

saying what you said just now was through the show in order The exposure I remember very distinctly someone saying that the beauty of a mystery is this vision of the world where there is order Something has come along and disrupted the order and the detective comes along and restores order and that is what a cozy mystery is and Hardball mystery is more of to some degree a power fantasy where you are like the toughest person but it is also occasionally cynical in a way that is probably appealing where you're like okay well, well, the world is a cesspool, but I persevered. Was Northern exposure a mystery show? It was a show about,

I mean, to me, young person, small town and like a guy moved there from the big city. I thought it was like a soap opera. When I was a kid watching it was a mystery because I could never quite figure out what was going on in it or what it was about. I loved more than the supposed to kids. No, they were just talking about the charm of mysteries in a scene.

And that, that description always stuck with me ever since. And obviously it does not originate there, but it was well put in that show. Northern exposure was giving you some critical analysis, literary criticism. Got it. Yeah. All right. It helped that my parents were like nuts for cozy mysteries and so my dad just like took to it. He was like yes. This is it. This is the best description I've heard. This is it. Who are your parents favorite or detectives? They loved the prime suspect series. I think they love Campion on mystery. What's the very dour sort of, he's either Scottish or Northern English

Detective does anyone know who I might be thinking of I think is it the show is it a relatively recent show where it's an old show? I mean it would have been When I was growing up but new There's a relatively new show where that's about a really dower I think Scottish detective and and my wife and I started watching it and I was like this is this is too bleak for me It's like like it was one of those shows where at a certain point you expected the hero to just be like Why am I even bothering solving this mystery? I'm like walking away I remember when I discovered that there was literally a mystery show from

England called Rosemary in time about Gardener's who solved mysteries and I'm like that's really Herity pretty cozy. Yeah, that's what we get cozy Before we started recording the episode that the name of our of our mutual friends Sam means came up and I and it this reminds me of he and I when we both worked the daily show We would occasionally go on Amazon and just look up different mystery series to laugh about them. And one of them was the one where the chef at the White House solves different mysteries.

And there is the, of course, this is not a mystery series. Our favorite one to look up, we would go back many times to look up the titles in the Babies and Billionaires Romance novel series, where every story is a different one that involves a baby in a billionaire in some way. Very specific, very specific psychological desires. Yeah, but there's a lot of, yeah, there's a lot of, it seems like anyone in the world if they live in a novel could end up solving a mystery someday. Can I ask you guys a question about a mystery movie?

Mystery men? No, different one. Because I can't remember if it's a detective movie, but I love this movie. I think it's so terrific. Gossford Park. There is a mystery in a mystery movie. Yeah, that's a mystery.

But is there a detective in it? There is, right? A detective must come to the manor. It's not like they just decide to solve it on their own. I can't just just can't let McDonald's character sort of turn out to be the kind of the protagonist. I don't even remember. I love that. I don't remember. That movie is so so good. And I think what's interesting when you guys talk about the cozy versus the hard boiled that movie movie because it has that kind of upstairs downstairs element right there's the yeah all the rich people and then there's all the staff the house staff and

the mystery kind of turns on the on these unspoken relationships between those two populations it really kind of hits that sweet spot of cozy mystery and then gritty kind of realistic very not cynical but very frank about the class the class distinctions that maybe is the subtext of something gritty or like Colombo or something right mm-hmm it's just it's it's so good I'm sure I'm sure your listeners are love movies and they've already seen it but it's interesting to think about in the context of types of mysteries and types of detective who done it. What's weird about the Flapphouse podcast is that most of

their listeners hate movies and have never watched one. Oh wow. Oh really? Yeah. Kind of like the hosts. What's the last movie you guys saw? What's the last movie you'd fell asleep on a movie theater before coronavirus oh good question oh boy um I can tell you exactly but I have oh birds of prey oh wait no I saw cats a second time yeah yeah yeah I saw I saw cats so I could do it for the flop house because I don't get to the theater that off oh no you know what cats were actually cats was the last movie I saw but the last movie I saw not for the flop house I saw, not for the flop, as the theater was one spot in time in Hollywood, when they kind of re-released that mini-late.

Katz was my last movie in the theater, too. It's one of those things where I should feel bad that that was the last movie I saw in theater, but it was exactly the right movie for me to see in the theater last, because it was such a positive experience. Yeah, yeah. I think we and all of culture agree that cats is the last movie. Yeah. No need to make anymore. Yeah.

Stu, Wellington. What's up? Yeah, what's up? Do you have a favorite detective or mystery movie or book or anything? You know, like my mom, my mom was always a big mystery fan and I know you didn't ask me about my mom, you asked me, but like my mom watches the, what is it, Nidselmer murders all the time, the show that has like, the Zillion episodes. But no, you know, I don't, I was more of like a, I was always more of like a war adventure fiction guy.

Oh, I put on our Cornwell type guy. Yeah, I'm a real tough guy. So that was more my, that was kind of more of my vibe. Are you really like what were you reading? Are you aggressive in nightclubs? Exclusively. When you take me out of the nightclub, I'm a lamb, but you put me back in there. I'm a lion. And that lion is acting aggressively. Okay, you're gonna roar. I have to say about Stuart. I mean, I don't know whether this is because

he's a bartender and as a skill he's learned, or whether it's just who he is as a person. I've never seen someone so skillful at deescalating in the sort of direction. That's true. It's weird. When I first started bartending, I came straight from running hobby stores where I dealt mainly with teenage boys who were not particularly good at dealing with social situations. So when I first started talking to drunk guys

I kind of treated them like they were nerdy teenage boys and that that did not go well I was like I'm gonna fuck with these guys a little bit right not a good idea Just see the problem is when you're you know a big tall handsome guy who always sounds sarcastic That's the absolute first person a drunk person wants to punch yeah yeah i think i think david res you've met your match in steward wellington big doll handsome guy always says sarcastic the two of you like it's like a move of logic meets an unstoppable

what do you bench what do you bench uh... uh... what what's what's a lot but not so much how fast can you do it how fast can you do a Wednesday new york times cross-riding see that's a thing uh... you know i'm i suffer for being you know tall and handsome but at least i'm also very stupid what about sir is he's

on a bad i think i will say i think i want to start writing I want to start writing a series of detective novels starring a Stu Wellington. First of all, Stu Wellington is a great detective name. Yeah it's a pretty sick name. It's pretty good. Yeah. Sturor's like all likeearned, yeah. Like, tall, enhanced, but stupid, but a deescalator at heart. Any, any, I'm gonna ignore the bartender part. He is working at a hobby store

and solving crimes out of the hobby store. That's a cozy mystery for me. Oh, totally. Most, the hobby store thing would be great. There's, you could You could have yeah like models and there could be a model of a house or something and that ties into the solution of the mystery or remote controlled car that you have to use or glue. You know you know about all these epoxies and resins and stuff. Yeah. Little tiny brushes that they used to paint

their D and D. You could do a whole mystery about the computer D&D figurines and now one of them went missing or something. You know what I mean? And Gary Geigax, like Gary Geigax, the monster manual could be in it too. Yeah, you can do that. Stu, if I love a steak and you wrote a monograph on the 19 different kinds of pewter orcs that are available. I did, I did, yeah, I did.

I don't like to bring it up on the podcast because it's so you're like Sherlock Holmes, you will have written a monograph for everything that comes up in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store,

in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store,

in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, in the hobby store, homicides would would end a confession a confession that I managed to get without any attempt to actually without even knowing there was a mystery the best thing is that your catchphrase is something like solving crimes isn't my job it's just a hobby running the hobby store is my job you know what I mean like you could really play in that space between application and vocation. When when I'm in duty now. When hobbies are your work, life becomes a hobby. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And you could ride a hobby course. Yep. When Sullivan mysteries is your hobby and never work a day in your life. Oh, I think you should write one. That would be good.

Yeah, you miss 100% of the mysteries. You don't solve. That's true too. There's no eye in mystery. There's no eye in mystery. Hobby mystery series or a hockey mystery series. Oh man, if Kevin Smith's producing, I think it can be both. Right. That's right.

I mean, speaking of tall handsome people, I do have to say, like, you are appearing to me in two boxes, Skype boxes above and below one another. You could be related david and well i get we both have we both have corona virus mustaches i think she's a stand-up you are to buy them both a drink right and then does the fight ranks open bar only

i guess i mean he doesn't care how how close a friend he's seeing get married open bar bust. Can I ask you a quick question about deescalating bar fights? Uh-huh. Because I have been in before I left, before I used to live in the Hudson Valley, and I broke, tried to break up a couple bar fights when I was there, and then I got involved in a melee in Manhattan once. To try to pull somebody off.

What's the key? I mean, if they're already going at it, isn't it too late for verbal deescalation, you just kind of have to physically get in there. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if they're already going at it, you really can't do anything about it. Right.

For the vast majority of deescalation. Well, you get your phone out and you start yelling world star, world star. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I usually, if it's an actual problem person at the bar, I usually turn to my wife who is much better at doing this.

And you know, she'll do things like turn off the music and turn all the lights up and say she's not going to serve anybody until this asshole leaves. Oh, wow. You know. That sort of thing. Because she's a professional. Right. And like, you know, just not just a handsome drifter like me. Right. Bumbles through light. Right. And sleep on a mattress on his clothes. Yeah. Well, you got to keep them things crisp. Your wife is like, I feel like having is like, I feel like we have an iron. Don't have to do this anymore. You live in a house.

You have a home now. I'm your wife. Like you have a dresser. You don't have to keep throwing your clothes in the garbage that walk you naked to the hardware store. When you do walk a line store, though, where you're both relentlessly indulgent and subtly, like you're doing like siops on the person where you're like shutting it down.

Like I'm not redirecting. Yeah, what's happening? Redirecting the energy. Yeah, I mean, that's all part of it. I mean, it's similar to like any kind of a bar conversation because he can't like You don't want to get stuck there forever like just because some guy really wants to explain why he shouldn't feel bad for loving revenge of the nerds like Hey, man, I got a job to do how can I not have this heart to heart with this sad guy? I thought I thought we were having a really good conversation.

Oh, well, I didn't realize that you felt that way about that. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds.

I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds.

I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. I've never been to the nerds. Yes, turns out those nerves with the villains Yeah Yeah, for me it was always that I was mad that they that they cheated in all the games Like clearly the rules say that you can't if you have to drink a beer and then ride a little Tricycle you can't take a pill that prevents you from getting drunk. That's not fair. Let's check the rule book. There isn't one Because this is dumb rule like says this is dumb stop it guys look that wasn't a great note to end on but on the other hand well let's let's not end on it Dan okay yeah I. Yeah, I set up a thing, a tease, who is the greatest Torkyle Paul Roe in film?

Oh, shit. I do wanna know that. Who is the greatest Torkyle Paul Roe in your opinion, Mr. John Hodgman? Speaking of tall handsome drifters, uh-huh. Kenneth Branna, greatest Torkyle Roe in cinema. Oh wow. Oh wow. of tall handsome drifters. Uh-huh. Kenneth Branagh. Greatest for you, Coro. And Sinatra.

Wow. I shall not fuck off. Wow. I shall fuck directly on. For years I have had such respect for you to the degree that you've intimidated me. Tina's running is garments. And now I find that the Emperor has no clothes can't the brana come on I don't I don't have any clothes because I'm lined down on a

mattress trying to press my underwear I I'm not going to sit here in front of you Um, Dilatant Trust Fund, Classist, Open Bar, Snal... Hold on, that is my life, but okay, it's sure. What for the purposes of this podcast, let's pretend that's true. No, I know this, I know this not you. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that the 2017 murder on the Orient Express directed by and starring Kenneth Branna as Irkwood Paul Row is a great film but I will say I did not expect to enjoy it as much as I did I was utterly flabbergasted when I saw that guy's mustache like

wow no he does look like a Kurt Russell character, much more than Urquil Paarro as one man. I was saying to do... Yeah, well, first of all, Urquil Paarro, as we know from Peter Yustanov and David Sushe, and even Albert Finney, it's supposed to be a short, stout, gourmand, vain shithead that everyone hates. And instead we got the trailer for Murder on the Orient Express, which is a tall skinny, honestly

slenderman type, Urquil Fauro, with a mustache that was growing into his ears, walking on top of the train to the tune of Believer by Imagine Dragons. I'm like, oh, this is not my daddy's Urquil Fawro anymore. And as dumb as that seemed to me, I watched it and there was one moment that utterly redeemed the movie for me, which is that as many Erkkel Poirot books and movies as I've watched, I never understood him as a human being until Kenneth Branagh stepped in shit in the movie. What? In human shit?

No, it was animal shit. Oh. Human's animal shit. David's still like interested. That would be an interesting twist if he gets on the train and steps into human shit. By the way, the toilets are all backed up, the system is not working. But we would really appreciate you solving the mystery. And so that's what they just have to deal with, all movie. And Rana's interpretation of Zerkyl Paarro is a corporate phase, someone who eats shit for pleasure. Right. Was really interesting to me. No. But they does it for pleasure and not

for sustenance, because I don't think there's a lot of nutritional value. No, no, no. I don't want to get to another human centipede conversation. Like you're wrong all the time, Dan? Yeah, the greatest detective film of all time, human centipede. But in murder on the Arctic Express 2017, as this official title is, Murder on the Arctic Express 2017, as this official title is. Kevin Prana as Paul Rowe is walking to the scene of a crime early in the film, not related to the train, a non-train crime. He steps in shit.

He sees steps back and then steps in shit again with his other foot. And he says it's a paraphrasing. It's not the humiliation. It's the imbalance that bothers me. And suddenly I understood the Urkulpoirot is someone who is able to sense everything around him such that it's an invasion to his personality. And all he's trying to do is to make rational a world that is irrational. And it's basically he's got no CD problem. And suddenly I understood pro row in a way that I didn't ever understand pro row before. Like he can't help it. He doesn't want to be this way. He doesn't want to be this shitty vein Mastashio's asshole He has to be this way because that's the only way that he can deal with his anxieties, and I love that so there

I Mean I cannot entirely go with you But I do think that all right ending Skype now goodbye I will say that Bram was Performance as or kill paroos probably the best thing in that I Did enjoy yeah the rest is well no way man. What about Michelle Fifre is great in it. I mean Michelle Fifre is great and everything Yes Oh, but but you but Dan you and I we can make peace over this

Brana's pro poirot is interesting to watch. Michelle Fifer is wonderful, and everyone else is not good. Yes, agreed. Well, except for Dame Judy Densch. She's good. A virtual shaking of hands. Now I haven't seen the movie. Does Dame Judy Densch appear as a cat and sing a song explaining to the viewer that what

cats are? Yeah. Yeah, she appears as a cat and she goes, my name is Ms. Marple, I'll see you in the next movie. What great casting that would be. So wait, what's the, what's the, what's your show air guys? What's the details on that thing? July 9th on cake on FXX. And then the next day on Hulu, because FXX has a deal with Hulu.

And the show is called Dicktown. It has profanity in it. But it's like a, it's not, there's dirty language and stuff, but I don't think of it as a sin. It's not hard boiled. It's more like a, it's not, there's dirty language and stuff, but I don't think of it as a sin. It's not hard boiled. It's more like a cozy, it's cozy grimy mysteries. Do we have our new genre of grimy, cozy mysteries? No, nobody's pants catch on fire and then get put out by a baby urinating on them.

It doesn't quite get that nuts. Does that happen in murder on the orient expressed the new one train what if they call it that the cannot the trailer they have come on right that train the we've got also incredible

uh... friends who were uh were guest voices on the show, including our friend Jean Grey, Zach Elf and Akis, John Glazer, John Benjamin, Kristen Shaw, and others, Griffin Newman, a blank check podcast. It's, yeah, lots of people came in and made dogkins. All of the dogkins and Jenny Hadad Tompkins. Thank you, yeah, absolutely. Oh, absolutely. Oh wow. It's a, and if there's a season two, there's a role in it for all three of you.

So listen to me. Okay, so everybody, too, no fucking. Oh wow, I gotta get those numbers out. I gotta get it. Listen to me fans of the Flaw House. Hey, I got stars in my eyes. There's a lot. If you wanna see, if want to see John Hunchman and David Purfoy, the main characters from Dicktown dealing with their new arch nemesis, Stu Wellington.

I don't have a copy detective. You better watch the play. You better watch the cool name like send in letters. Like a cool like a cool like detective name like I don't know like poor smelling dinner something. Whoa, it's filthy. I think I think. Sure, I think you may be mixing up

detectives and garbage bill kids. And cool with ropes. Man, I did it again. Can I ask one last movie? Can I ask one last mystery movie question of you guys? Have any of you guys ever seen a French mystery called Tell No One? Yeah.

So great. It's great. I would recommend that to your listeners. That's another movie that like Gossard Park I just love so much. I've probably seen that movie four times Yeah, it's great. Yeah, don't recommend I I would recommend oh I saw that movie. Yeah I had to look it up. I couldn't remember you had to look it up and give a little book of movies that you saw No, no, I had to look up which movie it was because I couldn't I was like have I seen that one? I know of it

But yeah, I said that one was good if you're if your listeners are interested in modern takes on a classic agatha christy style cozy mystery and also a modern take on a classic american hard boiled film mystery uh just go go no further than your friend ryan j Ryan Johnson check out knives out and then check out brick two great mysteries Oh, yeah, those two traditions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, that's your great Okay, mystery movies wonderful stuff

Hey, everyone loves mystery movies. Hey, I'm John Hodgman, host of this episode. Oh, okay. Great. Host of this episode of The Slothouse Mini-Sode. Uh-huh. And it's been my pleasure to talk to my friends here about mystery movies, detectives, outsiders, hobbyists, pupu trains, and many other topics.

I want to give a shout out to the hosts of the show Dan McCoy, Stuart Wellington and Elliott Kaelan. Hey you guys. Thanks so much for being on the show that you host Meanwhile, thank you for having us. Oh You're welcome and thank you for having us. I'm by us. I mean me and David Reese co-stars and co-creators of the new show Dictown on FXX's Cake. Sorry. On Cake. No, look.

FXX's New. New half-hour late-night anthology show, Dictown episode starts cycling into cake, whatever that means. July 9th at 10 p.m. and streaming the next day on FXX on Hulu.ulu. Hey you guys thank you so much for having us on the show. Thank you. I would also say thank you. That's cool. Thank you for having us. Bye! Maximumfund.org Comedy and Culture Artist-owned, audience supported.