The Flop House - FH Mini 104 - Computer Games
Episode Date: June 1, 2024Elliott quizzes the other Flop House boyz (tm) about movies featuring modern society's biggest achievement and greatest bane -- computers!Catch us LIVEĀ in Boston! ...
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Hello, everybody out there in podcast land.
This is Elliot Kalin of the Flophouse Podcast.
Here to tell you it's time for another Flophouse Mini.
You know that on most weeks, and by most I mean half of the weeks, we talk about a bad
movie that we've watched.
But on the other half of the weeks, sometimes, which is half. We talk about whatever we want, baby,
at whatever length we want, baby.
And today, that's exactly what we're gonna do.
I'm hosting today, I'm the master programmer
of this program, as you'll see,
that fits the theme of what I'm talking about.
And I'm joined today by my two associates,
and their names are, guys, say your names.
I'm Jan McCoy, and I'm just so proud of you
for summarizing the mini concept as clunkily
as I usually do.
I would say 95% as clunkily as you do.
And Stuart, what's your name Stuart?
I'm Stuart.
I'm Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse Podcast.
Hi Stuart.
Hi.
Now, Dan, before we start recording, you were just ready to unveil the new Flophouse Podcast. Hi Stuart. Hi. Now, Dan, before we start recording,
you were just ready to unveil the new Flophouse jingle.
Would you mind debuting it for the listeners?
Yeah, can you open it and just do it again?
Or should that be at the end of the episode
as a little treat?
I think that should be at the end
because then Alex can just cut it out
and use what I already did
because I can't remember it anymore.
Okay, good.
So stay tuned through this episode
for the new Flophouse jingle.
We'll be using it in all of our official promotions
and when we have a Super Bowl ad and things like that.
And we've obviously selected it because it has slipped out of Dan's mind as soon as he did it.
Yep, that's the kind of ear worm we provide.
The hallmark of a good jingle is it's instantly forgettable.
No, Dan, don't even bother. Dan, you'll never be able to recapture perfection.
So just stay tuned to the end.
Don't skip ahead to the end of the episode.
Don't do that and then skip back.
Just wait, wait your turn.
Cause we're gonna have some fun before then.
We're gonna have some fun today, guys.
We're gonna play some games.
And I know how much you guys love games.
So last week we covered the movie.
I only like wicked games.
Oh.
Precisely.
Really?
What about funny games
Nope
I'm not into it seems to be the opposite of the dossier I assemble on you Stuart
Jesse you're a gamesman and not a Chris Isaac fan. Yeah
And we were wrong last week we covered the movie the matrix revolutions
Which in some ways is kind of the ultimate computer movie Well? I'm wrong. Last week, we covered the movie, The Matrix Revolutions,
which in some ways is kind of the ultimate computer movie.
I feel like the Matrix movies
are the ultimate computer movie series
because it combines all the different kinds
of computer movies.
Because the way I see it, and this is my taxonomy,
there are four kinds of computer movies.
Okay. Okay.
There are, number one, evil computer movies.
Number two, computer world movies
where someone like gets sucked into a digital world.
Number three, computer people movies
where someone is like, someone comes out of a computer
or someone has a computer in their brain
or something like that.
Like Virtuosity.
Yeah, exactly.
And number four, movies where people just use a computer
for anything, for whatever, you know,
this type on a computer.
And the Matrix has all these-
Stewart says like virtuosity to me,
as if virtuosity wasn't foremost in my brain at all times.
So The Matrix has all these different aspects
of computer movies, but there are a lot
of other computer movies out there
that don't try to have it all,
that like do one or the other, or maybe just a couple.
So I thought today we would explore
each kind of computer movie with a series of games
patterned around each kind of movie
in an episode I'm calling Computer Games.
["Computer Games Theme"]
Computer Games.
Wow.
Yep.
A million dollar idea.
Now you guys have plenty of experience
with computer games, right?
What's your history with computer games
before we get into these computer games?
So specifically we're talking about games
for like a computer, not just-
Yeah, Dan, what the fuck do you mean computer games?
Well, as opposed to like-
You put a chess board on top of a monitor?
No.
Does an arcade game count?
Does a home- No, not an arcade game.
No, no, I mean my-
A game on a home computer, yeah.
Yeah, I played a lot of those Sierra games,
like King's Quest, and there were a couple of,
That's pretty cool.
There were a couple of mystery ones
with kind of a Clara Bow style flapper detective
that were fun.
Sure.
And I played that Indiana Jones
and the fate of Atlantis or whatever.
Yep, yeah, a lot of great LucasArts games.
LucasArts.
Played some Road War 2000 as a kid,
played some Might and Magic,
played some, let's see what else I did.
Played some Fallout and Fallout 2.
Played some Doom, played some Quake,
had some LAN parties playing Quake.
Did you guys ever do that, do a LAN party?
No, we never had a LAN party.
And I also was a big computer gamer for a while.
Dark Forces was a big one for me.
Oh, hell yeah.
Did you ever play part two with the filmed little interstitials?
I did.
Oh, hell yeah.
I didn't like once they made him a Jedi.
I didn't like that.
I liked him just being a grunt.
Kyle Katarn the grunt?
Yeah.
You didn't like Kyle Katarn the Jedi?
I mean, there's a lot of Jedi stuff in Star Wars.
Not everyone has to be a Jedi,
although now in the new Star Wars movies,
no one is a Jedi unless you're in the Skywalker bloodline.
So I guess maybe it was good that Kyle Katarn was a Jedi.
Anyway, but I also played a lot of Command and Conquer.
That was very big in my house.
And of course, the Holy Trinity for me
of point and click games, Sam and Max, Hit the Road,
Brim Fandango, and the Discworld computer game,
which is how I got into the Discworld novels
by Terry Pratchett, which I love.
So we're going to talk about some Discworld novels today
and see how well you guys stack up
in your knowledge of Terry Pratchett's fantasy world.
No, guys, we're not playing games on computers.
We're being intercepted.
Yeah, we're not playing games on computers. Yeah, we're not playing games on computers.
We're playing games about computers today.
So this is an episode called...
So that digression was irrelevant.
Unnecessary.
What we call a filler segment.
So computer games, this episode is brought to you by computers.
The things that make our lives better in ways that almost make up for how much worse they make our lives on the other side of things.
So round one, we're gonna be talking
about evil computer movies.
And evil computer movies,
a computer turns evil in some way.
Maybe it's their programming that gets corrupted.
Maybe it's because they're taking their programming
too literally.
Maybe they're just evil, like the devil's inside of,
I don't know.
The point is they're evil computers
and they represent humanity's fears of technology
or whatever.
And I wanna make it clear.
I'm talking about computers, not robots,
and not computers that a human being is using
for evil purposes.
I'm talking about an evil computer.
Though sometimes evil robots work for evil computers,
as we may see.
And evil computers, for some reason,
they never work for evil robots.
It's only the other way around.
So this is going to be a game about evil computers
called New Computer Who This.
New Computer Who This.
And I'm going to name a movie
and you guys are going to tell me,
you're going to take turns telling me
what's the name of the evil computer in that movie.
And for an extra point,
how do you defeat the evil computer in that movie?
So hold on, let me get a scoring pad right now
so I can keep score you guys.
And while I'm doing that, I want you guys to decide
who's gonna go first.
We're gonna be alternating these questions.
Who's gonna go first, you know?
Should we rock, paper, scissors?
Sure, let's do a rock, paper, scissors.
The classic.
One, two, three.
Oh, let's, oh, we shoot.
Yeah, I thought it was, see, this is the problem.
Okay, wow, so you both threw rock, huh? Okay. One, two, three, shoot. Oh, Dan's oh we shoot. Yeah, I thought it was a see this is the problem. Okay
Okay, Dan wins, let me just make a just finish this here, okay, so make an adjustment
Adjustment make all the hard questions go first. Yeah. No. No Dan We're gonna start out easy and maybe get a little harder as this round goes on. Let's see
So we're gonna start with it. I don't know if you've ever heard of this movie Dan, but're going to start out easy and maybe get a little harder as this round goes on. So let's see. So we're going to start with it.
I don't know if you've ever heard of this movie, Dan, but it's got an evil computer in it.
What is the name of the evil computer in 2001, A Space Odyssey?
That computer would be named Hal.
Okay, for an extra point, what does Hal stand for?
Oh boy, I could tell you that Hal was born in Urbana.
Not the information I was looking for.
Because I'm from Illinois, Central Illinois,
so we claim any celebrities we can,
even evil fictional computers.
But yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, maybe Stuart does.
Stuart, you want to steal that moment?
Highly advanced life form.
No, it's not a life form, but a computer.
So that's a good guess.
That's a good guess.
I mean, it's half of-
Hey Arnold lover.
You know what, Dan?
I want to give you half a point for that.
I'm not going to.
I would love it if that was part of his backstory.
He just loves to say, hey Arnold.
You know, Dave, this reminds me of an episode
of Hey Arnold, we know, I know how.
Tell me about the Hey Arnold episode, Al.
While he's pulling up, well, and he goes-
Dave, your actions are giving me real
Hey Arnold vibes right now.
Slowly singing the theme as he powers down.
Yeah, they wanted to see a comet through a telescope
and so they...
Okay, so Dan, so nobody got that point.
It's basically heuristic algorithmic, you know.
Oh, okay.
So the, but Dan, for that extra point,
how do you defeat Hal?
Well, you gotta go down into the server room
I gotta go down into the server room
and slowly remove the little disks from the slots.
It's so wrong in the details, but I'll give it to you because they're not really disks,
they're like little cassettes,
but you go into his memory banks, you rip his brain out.
You gave me what I needed.
So that's two points for Dan.
Stuart, you're up next.
Can you give me the name of the computer in the movie war games?
God damn it
Now this is a broad Rick there I would say there are two
Possible answers here. That's right. So Dan, are you gonna try to steal this one?
Yeah, well, you could either go by Whopper,
which is the, of course, that's a,
it's not an acronym
because it doesn't actually spell anything,
but whatever, initials.
Spells Whopper.
Well, but it doesn't spell it correctly.
It doesn't spell Whopper.
That's fair.
And of course, Joshua.
Dan, I'm gonna give you one and a half points
for getting both of those right.
That was, good job, good job.
Stu, but you can still win something.
How do you defeat, and of course Whopper,
Dan, tell me what Whopper stands for.
I'm sure you know it.
For that other half a point.
World organization, please, right now.
I mean, what's great about it is that it's not actually a meaningful phrase in any way.
Stuart, you want this half a point? What does Whopper stand for?
Wild or
pessimistic reasons to exist.
I love that you added some extra letters. It was Whopperty.
But no, that's incorrect.
But Stuart, that's incorrect.
Stuart, you can still get a point.
How do you defeat Whopper slash Joshua?
How do you do it?
What, you just don't play him or something?
I mean, that's a lesson that's learned.
Well, but how do you, that's not how you defeat.
That's how you win.
You like tricking with like word games and crap, right?
Dan, you've got to swoop in and take this one.
You make him play tic-tac-toe against himself so he learns that it's a funny sort of game.
The only way to win is not to play.
You got it.
You make him play tic-tac-toe.
Which is as true about nuclear war as it is about tic-tac-toe.
Yep.
The only way, although you can win tic-tac-toe if you play with a child because they don't
kind of forget how to play it halfway through
Nuclear war same way you can win nuclear war if it's a child that's operating the other nukes
They might send them in the wrong place or something
So Dan it's back to you you are dominating this round. Yeah, don't worry. The other rounds are very different Dan this movie
It's okay. I can lose this game
No, I didn't base my entire personality around it like it
Me more What's that? No, I didn't base my entire personality around it. Like it's annoying. It's annoying to me more.
Yeah, the computer game, Dan. Dan the computer movie man, that's what they call him.
Dan, the movie is Eagle Eye.
What's the name of the evil computer?
Oh, shit.
Don't say Eagle Eye,
because that's not the name of the computer.
No, I know.
It's like, I can't remember.
I watched it one time a long time ago
when Eagle Eye was new to cable
and the world seemed young and beautiful.
So Stuart, you got to tell me,
what's this Eagle Eye computer called?
Optimus Prime.
No, wrong.
The computer's name is-
It's from Shilobuf.
The computer's name is ARIA, A-R-I-I-A.
Dan, what does it stand for?
Always, really interesting.
I love that really is showing up.
Always.
So not the right letters, but great.
Stu, you want to steal this?
What does ARIA stand for?
A-R-I-I-A.
Okay. Automated really intense intelligent assistant.
I'm going to, okay. So you're so much closer.
I'm going to give you guys a hint.
If we ever come into the picture,
really is never going to be in any of these names.
The word really never shows up.
You're pretty close to it though.
It's autonomous reconnaissance intelligence
integration analyst.
So you were much closer.
Yeah, I was pretty close.
So because I feel pity for you right now,
I'm going to give you a half point for that one
Dan how do you defeat eagle eye? How do you do it?
Or how do you beat aria as seen in the movie eagle eye? I like I
Don't know you break in somewhere and you blow something up. I don't know. What do you pretty close Stewart? Can you be more specific?
do you wear like
Can you be more specific? Do you wear like reflective clothing so it burns out eagle eyes eyeballs?
No, that would be great.
Photon receptors or whatever?
No, you go into its central orb, you break into its central orb and you hit it with a crowbar.
Okay.
But then you also hold congressional hearings on whether to build a new evil computer.
And hopefully you don't.
So that's okay. Stuart, it's up to you. It's not your next. Okay. The movie is Wall-E. What's the name of the evil
computer in Wall-E? His name's like Wall-E right? That's the good guy robot. That is an
interesting read of the movie Wall-E is that Wall-E is the villain because he
causes humanity to return to this blasted wasteland that it left. Wally is a very nice robot.
Because of Wally, humanity leaves the paradise
of never having to work and just sipping on slurpees all day
and has to go farm for its future.
Thanks, Wally.
Sweet robot.
Okay, so, Dave, you want to steal this shit?
You want to steal this?
What's the evil computer in Wally?
You know what?
I think that Pixar, that's probably my favorite Pixar movie,
but I don't remember.
And yet you don't remember the name of the main antagonist.
It's nuts.
Boys and Mother or something?
No, you're thinking of the movie Alien.
Because Sigourney Weaver is the voice, right?
Yes, yeah, she's the voice of the,
well, she's not the voice of the evil computer.
She's the voice of the information aspect of the computer.
I see, yeah.
So it is of course the autopilot who is called Otto.
That's his name, Otto.
Stuart, how do you defeat Otto in Wally?
Do you
Like climb in there and bash his brains in with a crowbar. No, that's how you defeat Aria from the movie Eagle Eye
So I understand why that's in your mind Dan. How do you defeat Otto?
Is it through the power of love between?
Wait, no, can I change my answer to power of love?
You can, it's still wrong,
but you can go back and change it to that.
You just have to have the plant scanned?
Is that all that happens?
You're right, Dan, you throw the plant in the plant hole,
and that's how you defeat Otto.
I mean, I shouldn't give you a point
because you gave a wrong answer before.
No, no, you don't have to.
I missed the buzzer.
Yeah, you did. You missed it so hard. So now, no, you don't have to. I missed the buzzer. Yeah, you did.
You missed it so hard.
So now, Dan, it's your turn.
We went past Wally.
Scores are pretty close, right?
Yeah.
What?
Scores are pretty close.
No, you can fill me in later.
Pretty close, they're pretty close.
Dan's pulling ahead,
but there's gonna be more chances to get more points.
We went from Wally,
let's go to another classic children's film,
Alphaville, directed by Jean-Luc Godard.
What is the name of the computer in Alphaville?
Who's this for, sorry.
This is for you, Daniel.
Oh me?
I have to admit, I have not,
this is a Godard movie that I've not seen at all.
I have no idea what the.
Okay, and you have no knowledge
about any movie you've never seen.
So, what does it help if I give you the full title,
Alphaville, a strange adventure of Lemmy caution?
Lemming caution?
Lemmy caution. That's the main character that Eddie Constantine plays. So Stuart,
you can steal this one. What's the name of the computer in Alphaville?
Is it Megatron?
No, I'm sorry. It is Alpha 60. Alfa 60. Dan, how do you defeat Alpha 60?
Think about what's the most French movie way,
French art movie way of defeating a computer?
Blow cigarette smoke into it?
I was going to say the same shit.
That's a good guess.
Stuff a fucking baguette in its fucking pores.
Stuart, what's your other guess after cigarettes and baguettes?
Spill wine all over it, dude.
That would be great.
No, you tell it a poetry riddle.
That's how you defeat it.
Oh, oh.
Of course. Yeah, like a French Captain Kirk. Okay, Stuart, it's your turn. All poetry is kind of poetry riddle. That's how you defeat it. Yeah. Of course.
Yeah, like a French Captain Kirk.
Okay, Stu, it's your turn.
All poetry is kind of a riddle.
Okay.
It's your turn.
I feel optimistic here.
Yeah, we're talking about another French art movie.
Stuart, what's the name of the evil computer in Terminator?
Ha ha, I got this one.
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Okay, I think you're misunderstanding the rules of the game to mention another French movie that doesn't have a computer in it.
Is that your final answer? Arnold Schwarzenegger.
It's Skynet. I know this one.
It's Skynet, of course. You know this. And how do you defeat Skynet?
You go back in time and then you...
Oh man, so wait a minute.
You stop the Terminators from killing John Connor,
and you also try not to leave Terminator parts around
for Dice and, you know, check out like,
reverse engineer a line of Terminators.
I mean, and arguably if you count the sequels,
there is really no way to defeat Skynet.
It just kind of gets delayed
Or renamed or I'll accept keeping terminator parts out
I mean what they do is they blow it up with a missile
Eventually, but I'll give you I'll give you you know, it's true
I'm giving you half a point for the terminator stuff
Blow it up with a missile and I forget one of the movies
The so there's always a missile. Dan, I'll show you.
Is it like the hot, you got to shoot the missile
in the like highlighted area on the mech body or else?
Probably, I don't remember.
So, Dan, this is a Flophouse movie now
that I'm going to mention now.
The movie is Stealth.
What is the name of the computer?
Is it named Stealth?
It is not named Stealth.
I hate to break it to you.
Stuart, do you want to steal? What is the name of this computer named Jessica Alba?
Jessica Beale different Jessica
It's not stealth
Is it rogue?
Maybe what if it's stealth backwards?
Yeah, yeah, it might be
What if it's stealth backwards the elevator, like dig it.
This is cool.
Stuart, you want to try to steal this one?
Dan, no, what it should have been.
Electronic data inspector.
Ooh, such a good guess.
No, it's extreme deep invader.
Your answer is actually better than the one in the movie.
That's way fucking cooler.
More like a personal sex aid.
Uh-huh, yeah.
As opposed to an impersonal sex aid,
like a sex aid that doesn't look at you
while you're doing it.
Acknowledge you as a person, yeah.
Yeah, if that's what you're into.
So Dan, how do you defeat Eddie in stealth?
Don't you just like blow up that plane?
No, Stuart, how do you defeat Eddie and stealth?
So it's not shoot it with a missile.
I mean, it does get shot with a missile,
but that's not how you defeat the computer.
I'm gonna say they use the power of love.
Yeah, there you go.
Stuart, I'm giving you a point for that.
You bond with it so it develops a conscience
and sacrifices itself to save you.
It is the power of love.
Cause that's the power of love.
The power of love is the curious thing.
Make one man cry.
Make another computer sacrifice itself to save the humans.
That's the original lyrics.
In it. Scoring.
Interesting. So, Stuart, now it's your turn.
This movie is called Electric Dreams.
Can you tell me the the name of the computer in Electric Dreams?
Is it Electro?
No.
I know this movie, this is the movie
where the computer tries to, there's like a love triangle
with the computer and a woman and a human man.
The computer falls in love with Virginia Madsen
and the computer is voiced by Bud Court,
not to be confused with Night Court,
which is not a person, but a television show.
Or the legal proceedings where they finally decided
whether Bud Light or Bud Drive was better.
The legal proceedings are all done by bottles of beer.
Um, I don't know.
I don't know what this thing's called.
Okay, this computer's called Edgar.
Not initials.
Not initials, we went from Eddie to Edgar.
Stuart, how do you defeat Edgar?
I feel like the power of love's been really crushing it
for me.
Yeah.
You want to go with the power of love?
Yeah, I'm going to do power of love.
You do that exactly.
You prove that your wife loves you.
So the computer commits suicide.
Yay. Wow.
You did it.
The power of love is a very powerful weapon in this game.
Stewart's coming from behind with the power of love.
Yeah.
He is, I don't want to hear about Stewart coming
from behind with the power of love anymore, Dan.
No, thank you.
Save it for your OnlyFans.
I have some videos saved on my phone.
So Daniel, the next question in this round is for you.
I know this round's going long.
The other rounds are not quite as long.
iRobot, and I'm not asking about the robots,
the movie iRobot, what's the name of the artificial
computer intelligence that turns evil in iRobot?
Well, it's not Alan Tudyk,
because he's the good robot.
And again, that's the name of the actor in the movie.
It's not a character. It's not Chi's the name of the actor in the movie.
It's not a character.
It's not Chi McBride,
because he shoots the robots.
Right.
It's not Will Smith,
because he's our human protagonist.
Again, very true.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Do you know, Stuart?
I think it is named Robomind.
That'd be super cool.
No, it's named Vicky.
Vicky. Oh, that's not as cool. Oh, like it? No, it's named Vicky. Vicky.
Oh, that's not as, oh, like it?
Oh, it's cause it's based on Small Wonder.
Yeah, exactly.
It's a remake.
Cause people forget Isaac Asimov created Small Wonder.
So Dan, what does Vicky stand for?
It's V-I-K-I.
What does Vicky stand for?
Oh boy.
Okay.
Let's see if I can really.
I know the V.
Try your hardest this time.
Don't do a silly one.
Do a real one.
Yeah, I'm gonna really try here.
Okay.
Virtual.
Yeah.
Intelligence.
Well, keep going.
Wait, what is it, V-I-K-I?
Yeah.
Let's see if you can get it.
Virtual, you're warm.
You're real warm to virtual.
Virtual.
Interface. Ooh, so close.
Killing.
No.
Is what these robots do.
The I stands for is what these robots do.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
That's pretty cool.
That's actually really cool.
I love that.
I'm going to say it's virtual.
I don't know how you knew that,
but yeah, you're on the right course.
Investigation. No. Virtual? I don't know how you knew that, but yeah, you're on the right course.
Investigation?
No.
Killing is what these robots do.
So like, Wirtle, you thought that the part that was wrong was just the first time, but
killing is what the robots do is the wrong one.
No, it is virtual interactive kinetic intelligence.
So Dan was on the right track with intelligence
but he was putting it in the wrong place.
So Dan, how do you defeat Vicky?
Putting intelligence in the right
and not in the right place is kind of this podcast.
You, I don't, you correct, you, there's some flaw
in the laws of robotics that you go in and you correct it.
You're like, no, no, no, this decimal point
was in the wrong place.
Seems like it, right?
But you're wrong.
Stuart, how do you defeat Vicky?
I don't know, you let the good robot
upload its consciousness or something.
Not exactly, you inject nanites into its core.
Oh, nanites.
Yeah, nanites.
It's always the nanites.
I was gonna say that.
Stuart, your turn. The movie is Resident Evil, and I know you'reites. It's always the nanites. I was gonna say that. Stuart, your turn.
The movie is Resident Evil,
and I know you're like, that's like a zombie movie.
There's an evil computer in it.
Yeah.
I mean, it's the Umbrella Corporation.
Is it just called Umbrella?
No, that'd be pretty cool.
That'd be pretty cool, but it's not.
Dan, what's the name of the evil computer?
This one called like mom or something?
No, but it's along similar lines.
You're on the right track, but you're not there.
So it is called the Red Queen.
The Red Queen is the evil computer.
And Stuart, how do you defeat the Red Queen?
You just gotta shoot it a bunch.
You know what?
I think I may give you,
I don't really remember how they did it. So I'm gonna give you that one. Maybe they do just shoot it a bunch. You know what? I think I may give you, I don't really remember how they did it,
so I'm gonna give you that one.
Maybe they do just shoot it a bunch,
which puts you in the lead amazingly.
Dan, this is your turn.
Now here's a kind of computer movie
I could see you getting really into.
It's called Demon Seed.
What's the name of the computer in Demon Seed?
This is another perv computer one.
Is this the Barbara Hershey film?
Is she in this?
No, it's Julie Christie.
And Julie Christie, okay.
But I, okay.
I don't know what the evil computer is named in this.
Okay, it's the kind of name where you,
once you hear it, you're like,
why did they name the computer that?
That's an evil sounding name.
Stuart?
It's gonna be called like Lucifer or something.
I mean, it's Proteus IV.
Oh, right. Oh, sick. And Dan, how, it's Proteus IV. Oh, right.
Oh, sick.
And Dan, how do you defeat Proteus IV,
as in the movie Demon Seed?
Is this the movie where the computer sexually assaults
a woman somehow and puts a demon seed inside it?
Yes, hence the name, demon seed.
This one where the computer inseminates Julie Christie.
Hey, is Demon Seed the movie with the demon seed?
They do a digital exorcism slash abortion
of the demon seed, I don't know what they do.
Very much not that.
Stuart, what do they do?
God damn, I want to go to my regular wheelhouse of power love,
but I think, uh...
No, they trap it in like a logic loop or something.
You should have gone with your first instinct, Stuart.
God damn it!
The robot self-destructs so that the humans will take care of its clone baby techno offspring
So the baby is born out of like an incubator container thing and yeah
The power of love is the robot gives itself a sacrifice itself for the for the baby's future pretty much. So
Guys, okay. The power of love has been a pretty strong pretty strongly. There's only now
There's only making one man weep and another man sing.
Yeah, there's only three questions left in this round.
Let's see how many of them are the power of love.
So Dan, the movie is another Flophouse movie.
I'm sure you remember in great detail.
It's called Transcendence.
What is the name of the computer in Transcendence?
Oh, fuck you.
Oh, of all the movies.
Starring, of course, Johnny Depp.
It did?
Yeah.
I remember nothing about this movie at all.
We watched this movie, Dan.
It's called Transcendence.
Rebecca Hall's in it.
Paul Metany.
I like those two.
Kelly Murphy.
Academy Award winner Kelly Murphy.
Cole Hauser.
Wow.
What?
Oh, I remember this one now.
This is the one where Johnny Depp's brain goes into it.
His consciousness is turned into an AI computer.
Yeah, he transcends.
The transcendence is the one where somebody transcends.
Yeah, yeah, but it's not a computer person.
I wouldn't call him a computer person.
He's a computer program based on the personality of a person.
So the evil computer is, in that movie, Johnny Depp.
That's what I'm guessing.
Johnny Depp is the...
You know what, Stuart?
If you can't give me the name of the character, then I'm going to give it to Dan.
What's the name of the character in Transcendence?
I don't know.
Brian?
Good guess.
It's Dr. Will Castor.
I'm going to give Dan a half a point for that one. Brian? Good guess. It's Dr. Will Castor.
I'm going to give Dan a half a point for that one.
Dan, how do you defeat Dr. Will Castor, the misguided AI of transcendence?
You just unplug him.
Oh, that would be a good answer, but it's not the right one.
Power love, power love, power love.
You know what?
It's not the power of love this time. It kind of is. Well, no, You know what? It's not the power of love this time, though it kind of is.
Well, no, you know what?
It is the power of love.
You know what?
I'm going to give it to you, power of love, because you know what?
You threaten the computer that you're going to kill its best friend, Paul Bettany, unless
it uses its last bit of energy to upload a virus that destroys all technology.
But then you keep a little bit of the computer as some nanoparticles alive in your garden
in a Faraday cage.
So you know what?
That's the power of love, because it was love for his friends that made it so,
I'm gonna say that, power of love.
Okay. Yeah, I was right again.
Stewart, this is your movie, it's called Oblivion.
What's the name of the evil computer in Oblivion?
Okay.
This was the year that Tom Cruise
had two science fiction adventure movies.
One of them was great, and the other one was not so good.
This was the not so good one.
The other one was Oblivion, exactly. He rides around in a sphere. Yes. This was a not so good one. The other one's oblivion. Exactly
He rides around in a sphere. Yes, I remember about it. He turns out to be a clone
What's the computer called though?
Overmind
Great name, but wrongs Dan
Undermined nope wrong. It is Tet. Tet is the name of the Named after one of the great offensives in military history.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stuart, how do you defeat Tet?
You like smack it with a crowbar.
Not, I mean, kind of.
Dan, what do you do?
Power of love.
No.
I'll take it, I gotta get in on this.
This is the one time love doesn't save the day.
That's the one dollar guess.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
You trick it into letting you into its spaceship
and then you set off a bomb, blowing it up.
So it is a physical attack.
Finally, Stuart, this is for you.
This is the last question in the round.
Two in a row.
Oh, did you?
Oh, no, that's right.
I just did oblivion.
No, you're right.
It's Dan's turn.
Although Dan started.
How did I get these numberings wrong?
I don't know.
I must've messed it up at some point.
Who cares?
It doesn't matter.
One of the mysteries of the universe.
Dan, what's the name?
Evil Computer fucked you up.
What's the name?
You're behind anyway, Dan.
So what's the name of the computer,
Evil Computer in the movie,
Colossus, the Forbun Project?
Is that called Colossus?
You got that right, Dan.
And what does Colossus stand for?
Just kidding.
It's not an acronym. But actually to tell us, if it what does Colossus stand for? Just kidding, it's not an acronym.
But actually to tell us, if it was,
what would it stand for?
Call out, lo, us, is?
Do you not know how to spell the word Colossus?
Yes, I lost confidence halfway through
in knowing what the letters in Colossus are.
But I like to call out,
I thought you were gonna say call out love,
because, but Dan, how do you defeat Colossus
in Colossus the Forbidden Project?
Oh geez, I've even seen this one.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
You pour milk all over the circus.
It would be great if true, but Stuart,
how do you defeat Colossus in Colossus the Forbidden Project?
Well, Colossus is immune to milk, okay,
so I'm assuming he's gonna be immune
to all liquid-based attacks.
Lactose-tolerant.
He's lactose-tolerant, yeah, exactly.
So cheese isn't going to work, heavy creams.
I think it's due, I'm going to say logic loop.
You got to get him in a logic loop.
Oh, it's a trick question, guys.
You don't defeat Colossus.
He wins at the end of the movie
and solidifies his control of humanity.
Game over, man, game over.
And that game is over too.
So leaving round one, it's a close game.
It's a tie game.
The score is six to six.
So this is amazing.
You guys are going head to head and you're doing a great job.
This next game is gonna be a little more imaginative though.
We've seen your recall for facts.
Now it's time for the essay portion of the games.
This is round two, we're talking about movies
where you go into a computer world.
There are a lot of movies,
people find themselves in a virtual computer world
or they get sucked in or they go there on purpose
or they discover they're in one.
And the computer world seem good at first
but they always turn out bad.
And this represents humanity's fear of technology
or whatever.
So in the movies, it's always a bad thing
to get sucked into a computer world.
But there's gotta be something good about them, right?
Or else we won't wanna see movies where people get sucked into them world, but there's gotta be something good about them, right? Or else we won't wanna see movies
where people get sucked into them.
So in this game, you're gonna be playing the part
of a travel agent who is selling me on a trip
to one of these computer worlds.
You get three points for convincing me to go on this trip.
And this is a game called Micro Trip.
Micro Trip.
And so we're gonna start with Stu
because we started with Dan last time, even though we ended with Dan last time, somehow.
I got the numbering wrong.
Stuart, your first assignment, Tron.
Sell me on Tron. Why should we go into Tron?
Easy. Fucking peasy.
Hey, bud. Yeah.
Can I interest you in stay in Tron?
Now, I know you're a competitive guy, and guess what?
When you're in Tron, all you do is play games, buddy.
You're playing them all the time.
You look like a sportsman. You look like you're pretty athletic.
You would love Tron. You'd be throwing light balls everywhere.
You also have an eye for design.
Let me tell you, Tron looks incredible.
It's bright. Everything is designed very well. Minimalist.
But that also kind of goes with your kind of rugged, minimalist aesthetic.
Also, the soundtrack is great. minimalist, but that also kind of goes with your kind of rugged minimalist aesthetic.
Also, the soundtrack is great.
You, I see you're wearing a Daft Punk t-shirt. Guess what? They did a lot of the music.
Do you like, do you like Robo Babes?
There's plenty of them.
That's what Tron's all about.
Babes, cool stuff that looks cool, playing games all the time.
I feel like you would love Tron.
Stuart, I gotta say, Flattery I feel like you would love Tron. Stewart, I gotta say, flattery will get you
getting me to Tron.
So that's a great job.
That's three full points.
Yeah.
Dan, now it's your turn.
I wasn't aware you could just make up details
about the person you're selling the thing to.
Dan, you're not just selling a place.
You're selling an idea and a persona.
Yeah.
He's making me.
You gotta sell the fantasy, the complete fantasy.
And that's what I do every day.
Dan, on the X body spray commercials, they go, this body spray, it smells real good.
They go, no.
They go, when you put this on, you are irresistible to women and they refuse to let go of you.
So this one, this is just gonna be as easy as tron.
Dan, sell me on going to the existence world.
Why should I take a trip to existense?
Oh, easy as hell.
Here's the thing about life.
You know, you go through life, you reach a certain age,
you feel like you've seen everything.
Well, my friend, you've not seen what it's like
to live inside existense.
Cause have you ever thought to yourself,
why are all these machines made out of metal and plastic
and inert items?
I have wondered that, yeah.
Couldn't more things be made out of sort of goop and flesh
and bits of tooth maybe?
That's the world I'm selling you in existence.
Are you still in it right now?
You don't know, that's the beauty of it.
Like you could have already agreed to go to existence
and only remember later on.
So that's why I think it's perfect for you.
Dan, I'm gonna give you two points for that one
because you really were losing me with the idea
that the world is made out of flesh and teeth.
But once you kind of made me realize I might already be in
existence, I was like, yeah, I got to take this trip just to find out if I'm in it.
Yeah, so that makes sense. That was a good one.
Yeah, I was surprised you weren't like, hey, you have a phone right now.
Imagine your phone is like soft and made of skin.
Hey, haven't you ever wanted to make a gun out of the bones of a duck?
Now you can do it.
So, Stuart, now it is your turn.
You've got another one.
Sell me on taking a trip to Victory, California,
the computer world from Don't Worry, Darling,
another Flophouse fave.
Okay.
Hey, Harry Styles, right?
You know your wife or girlfriend who is kind of the bread winner and has emasculated you?
Well, why don't you knock her ass out and send her to Victory, California?
And you know what? You need to go with her.
And when you're there, you get to be the bread winner.
You get to dance all the time. You get to hang out with fucking Chris Pine.
You get to look cool. you get to wear cool outfits.
You don't have to worry about all this other crap.
You get to you get to go back to when things were like just a little bit simpler.
And as Dan McCoy says, just a little bit better.
Don't put these words.
You know, when we're, you know, you know, no, people do their place.
No, that's what Dan says.
No, I don't say that.
So yeah, can I interest you
in a ticket to victory California today?
You tried, Stu.
I think if you had started with the clothes and the glamour,
you might've had me,
but starting out with the knocking out your girlfriend,
that made it a deal breaker for me.
So I'm sorry, that was, you know,
I feel like you should've hit that fine point. I got lost in the sauce me. So I'm sorry, that was, you know, I feel like you should have hidden that
with fine printing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got lost in the sauce, guys, I'm sorry.
So Dan, maybe you'll have a better luck
with your next assignment.
Sell me on a trip to the very dangerous jungle in Jumanji.
Welcome to the jungle.
What is life, if not a sense of adventure?
Seeing something new, feeling emotions perhaps that
you haven't felt before.
It's a remake.
At a certain point.
I'm not really getting a sense of where I'm going.
Don't you crave the idea that like, I don't know, a bunch of tigers would jump at you
or something just to make you feel alive?
God damn it.
Okay, he's got it, he's on to it.
This workaday world, sitting at home in Los Angeles,
typing away at a type board, that's what they're called,
right, I don't know because I live in a world
of excitement and adventure.
I haven't seen one of your type boards in months.
I've been here finding gold or some shit. I don't even remember what happens
in that movie. But it's all kind of adventure stories style stuff, which sounds fun to me.
I'm going to give you one point, Dan. I feel like I, you were really, you sold me on the
idea that you like it so much that you live there. You know, it's not, you're not just
a selling, you, you're a believer, a buyer. So that got me over the hump of the idea.
I don't really want a bunch of tigers to jump at me.
So no, most times it's better.
Yeah, did not have tigers jumping at you.
So Stuart, this is so you each have one more in the round.
Stuart, sell me on taking a trip to the low budget recreation of the set from Casablanca
in the movie Overdrawn at the Memory Bank
starring Raul Julia.
He goes into a computer world and ends up at a low budget,
kind of crappy reproduction of the scenes from Casablanca.
Why should I go on this trip?
Hey, yeah, you, the guy who's the number one fan
of Casablanca but doesn't have the most money in the world.
Would you like to go to a cheaper version
of The Thing You Love?
Do you like actor Raul Julia?
Well, I can't do I have something for you, buddy.
It is this cheap reproduction of Casablanca from the movie Overdrawn of the Memory Bank.
I mean, you got it.
I'm a movie lover on a budget.
That's three points right there.
Really? Sure. And Dan, but I'm sure you'll have just as. That's three points right there, for sure.
And Dan, but I'm sure you'll have just as much luck, Dan,
with yours.
Tell me on taking a trip to the eight minute simulation
of a train that keeps blowing up in the movie Source Code.
Oh man, that's a rough one.
Mondays, am I right?
I don't wanna go to work.
You don't wanna go to work. You don't wanna go to work.
What if on the way to work,
you go part way through,
you blow up before you even get to work.
But then here's the kicker, here's the best part.
You don't die, you just reset.
You go back eight minutes.
Provided that you've got a few good books,
I say this is a great way to spend your vacation.
A couple of months will fly by
while you're in this time loop
and you can get all the chillax in time that you want
and you never have to worry about
walking in that door at work on Monday morning.
You know, you kind of, I-
You have a sad ending of Source Code, you're like,
well at least he doesn't have to go to work anymore.
Yeah, man.
I'm going to give you a point on that one, Dan.
It's the singularity now.
You did tap into my fantasy of just being able to sit for eternity reading books.
And if it's rebooted, I can kind of remember where I left off, probably.
And eventually after a couple thousand explosions,
I'll be finished with that book.
So that's the end of that round.
Looking at the scores, oh my God, this is amazing.
You guys are still both tied.
It's 11 to 11 at the end of round two.
Let's take a very short break from computer games
to just tell you a quick word
about our upcoming live show in Boston, Massachusetts.
That's right, on July 26th, we are gonna be live
in your face if you're there in Boston, Massachusetts
at DBUR City Space.
We're gonna do an all new show.
It's gonna be super fun.
We haven't decided on the movie yet,
but it's gonna be great.
So if you're actually-
Did you say DBUR City Space?
W-B-U-R City Space.
W-B-U-R, okay.
W-B-U-R City Space, just like the hit TV show WBUR in Boston Addy.
If you're coming to the show, why not let us know what movie you want to see?
We can't guarantee we'll watch that one, but it might be interesting to see what Boston wants to hear about.
But go to Flophousepodcast.com slash events on your internet computer browser.
Go into your computer.
Don't get sucked into a computer world.
Go to Flophousepodcast.com slash events
and get all your tickets and info there.
July 26th, we're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts.
I'm really looking forward to it.
The last time we were in Boston, we did some great shows.
We had some great audiences.
It's been years and I can't wait to get a taste
of that delicious bean town one more time.
The greatest generation has been going for more than eight years.
And if you've been greatest gen curious but have never taken the leap,
we recommend exploring your greatest gen curiosity in a safe, fun environment with partners you can trust.
And right now is one of the best times ever to become a new listener.
That's because we just started covering a new series, Star Trek Enterprise.
One of the horniest and weirdest editions of Star Trek ever released.
This is your chance to ease into the greatest generation lifestyle.
The greatest generation now covering Star Trek Enterprise,
the one with Scott Bakula, every Monday
on MaximumFun.org or in your podcast app.
Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones,
a marital tour of misguided medicine, right?
That's true, Justin.
Is it true that our medical history podcast
is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician?
No, Justin, that is absolutely not true.
However, our podcast is funny and interesting
and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds
of the past as well as some current,
not so legit healthcare fads.
So you're saying that by listening to our podcast,
people will feel better. Sure.
And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor?
Well, you could say that, but.
And our podcast is free?
Yes, it is free.
You heard it here first, folks.
Sawbones, Merrill Tuer, Miss Guy, the Medicine,
right here on Maximum Fun,
just as good as going to the doctor.
No, no, no.
Still not just as good as going to the doctor,
but pretty good.
It's up there.
So guys, we're back to computer games,
and we're up to round three.
To remind everyone who might have stepped away
during the commercial, the score is 11 to 11
Dan and Stuart are tied. It's amazing. This is this is amazing. And so this is a round
We're gonna talk about computer person movies. Maybe a person comes out of a computer
Maybe someone has a brain with a computer in it. I got like physical form
Yeah, yes
Maybe a computer takes on a physical form that is different from just a robot.
The point is the melding of man and machine is complete and this represents humanity's
fear of technology or whatever.
And so we're going to play a game that's called FMK.EXE.
And this is the classic game of Fuck, Marry, Kill with characters who happen to be computer people.
And this is going to be, I think, I'm trying to decide whether you guys should each have your own sets of people
or if you're competing with what you think-
This is the flop out after dark section, I guess.
Should be each of them. Yeah, yeah, this is very much after dark.
Uh, put the kids to bed.
I think, I think we should each have our personal ratings on-
Okay.
On each and you can decide which persuades you the most.
Alright, so this is the first one and you're each going to get your turn.
So you know what, we'll take turns with who goes first for each one.
Okay, so Dan, it's your turn to go first and then Stuart you give your answer.
So FMK, you know, to make it safe for kids, instead of fuck marry kill, we'll just say
finger marry kill.
So that's better, right?
I don't think so.
Who am I going to finger?
Who is it? No, it's full on hardcore sex, Dan. finger merry kill. So that's better, right? I don't think so. Who am I going to finger?
No, it's full on hardcore sex, Dan.
So, sex merry kill.
Dan, these are your choices for this one.
Johnny Mnemonic, from Johnny Mnemonic.
He's got a computer in his head.
Lisa from Weird Science, she came out of a computer.
Or Lobot from Empire Strikes Back,
everyone's favorite computer headed guy.
So easy.
So, Dan, FMK, who's it gonna be for which one?
See, well here's the classic problem with this is like,
so if you're married to this person,
you presumably like,
do you also have a sexual relationship with them
or it's just like, and the fuck is just like,
oh, I'm just gonna bang it out one night. Yeah, which one is a one night stand and which one is a, with them or it's just like, and the fuck is just like, oh, I'm just gonna bang it out one night.
And like, I don't wanna.
Yeah, which one is a one night stand
and which one is a.
Yeah, that's the.
With the fuck aspect, it's all physical,
there's no emotional aspect.
With Mary, you're emotionally entangled with this person
in addition to being physically entangled with this person.
Although, you know, there's a certain,
you know, you have to admit that there's a certain
like fantastic element to the idea of like, You know, there's a certain, you know, you have to admit that there's a certain like
fantastic element to the idea of like,
there's someone who will provide you
with whatever like you need in life.
This dude is talking about a low bot.
Talking about, of course, weird science.
Like the moral of that, like eventually the boys
have to put away that childish adolescent fantasy
and be with, beings who have their own full desires
and emotional lives.
Sure, okay.
We're talking about you, Dan.
What's your answer?
No, I'm just saying, I think that that means
that I would have to marry, of course, Johnny Mamonic.
I mean, if you can't even pronounce his name,
are you gonna be like, what's your name, sir? I'm Daniel gonna name him Monic. I mean, if you can't even pronounce his name, are you gonna be like, what's your name, sir?
I'm Daniel Mononic.
But will you just keep your own name as McCoy?
Piano with those soulful eyes.
And of course, fuck Lisa from Weird Science.
That's her name, right?
Yes, Lisa.
Lobot, I have no personal grievance against you,
but you have to fall.
One must fall, so it's you, Lobot, I'm sorry.
Okay, Stuart, what do you feel?
Well, Dan and I, not on the same page at all.
Obviously I'm fucking Lobot,
because that dude is hot as shit.
I got to marry Lisa, because I feel like we,
I feel like we have a lot in common,
and obviously human relationships,
they're not all that's cracked up to be.
And then I got to kill Johnny Mnemonic,
because I'm trying to get the favors of
the Yakuza and Takeshi Katano.
Dan, what do you have to say to that?
I mean, I think Stuart's energy really sold that one.
Stuart's energy and also that Stuart is much more correct than you, Dan.
Because the minute you said kill Lobot, you were losing this one.
That is not happening.
You kill Johnny Mnemonic so you can get in good with Takeshi Katano,
you fuck Lisa, and you marry Lobot.
Lobot is a provider.
You see his relationship with Lando.
Lando and Lobot have the deepest emotional connection of any two Star Wars characters.
And so that's what you do.
So Stuart, you're going to get partial credit.
So that's one point because it's two points.
Actually, no, it's three points for correct.
So you know what? You're going to get one point for that.
I'm glad there's a correct answer.
There has to be.
OK, so this next one.
OK, Stuart, you get your first shot at this one.
Dexter Riley from the Computer War Tennis Shoes.
Job Smith, played by Jeff Fahey from The Lawnmower Man, or Job Smith, played
by Matt Fruer from The Lawnmower Man 2 Beyond Cyberspace.
Fuck, marry, kill. Which of those three?
OK, I'm going to marry Mary Jobe, played by Jeff Fahey, because I feel like
he's going through a lot of growth and he's got a lot to learn.
I got to fuck Matt Fruer because, man, what a fucking-cold fox and I guess that means I got to kill the computer
They're more tennis shoes. Bye
Okay, Dan, what do you say?
Dexter Riley Joe Jeff a here Joe Smith Matt fruhr. I am going to marry
Dexter Riley cuz I mean that's Kurt Russell. So I'm fulfilling the dream of marrying Kurt Russell
I'm fulfilling the dream of marrying Kurt Russell.
I'm going to kill, sorry, I'm gonna fuck Jeff Fahey
as the lawnmower man, who's got a real sleazy do-anything-in-bed energy to him,
but is ultimately a psychotic person
that you wouldn't want to stick around with,
and then kill Fruer, who I have not seen in this equals,
but I can only assume gives more of an irritating
performance as the lawnmower man.
I love Matt Fruer, I'm just saying that I think
the energy is probably going to be like-
He has more of a, he's got, he uses up a little
too much headroom.
Yeah, too much headroom.
The maximum amount of headroom.
Dan, you know what? I'm going to give you a point for your description of Jeff Fahey and why you would have sex with
him.
I think that's fair.
Yeah, that makes sense actually.
But Stuart, you get three points because you were exactly right.
You killed Extra Riley.
You marry Fahey.
You fuck Fruer because Fruer's got jackhammer energy.
You know that that's going to be a wild night.
Whereas Fahey, you can change him.
Maybe you can save him, you know
That's right. So that's three points for Stuart
Dan this is not your round so far
But maybe maybe that'll turn out with this next one because Dan you got first shot at this so fuck Mary kill
Samantha from her this is the computer voice or that that that uh, well, King Phoenix falls in love it
So would you actually have sex with her would you just talk you off? Well, I mean, that's a form of sex.
You know, the mind is his largest erogenous zone
and all that, you know?
Samantha from Her, Seth, the self-evolving thought helix
from the evil computer that gives itself the body
of Michael Jai White in Universal Soldier of the Return,
or he's come up, it's come up already in conversation,
Sid 6.7 from Virtuosity.
So that's Samantha from her,
Seth from Universal Soldier the Return,
or Sid from Virtuosity.
I think I'm gonna have to marry her
because she's a very comforting presence, I think, over time.
It would be just, you know, just a comfort,
a helpful comfort all times.
Sid has to go.
He's a murderer and would terrify me.
And I guess that means I have to fuck
the Universal Soldier computer,
even though I have no particular feeling
about it one way or the other.
Okay, Stuart?
I feel like Dan's partially correct.
I feel like you definitely have to fuck
the Universal Soldier, you know,
because it's Michael J. White,
the body on that one, right?
He was spawned for guts.
He was spawned. He was spawned,
he was Black Dynamite, come on.
He's amazing.
And let's see, I would have to kill her
because it's just too bad, but like,
I need like a little,
I need something a little more physical, you know?
You mean on the bones?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then I guess that means I'm marrying-
It doesn't even have bones on the bones.
Yeah.
Then I'm marrying, I'm marrying Sid like I feel like I need that kind of
well, I certainly could change him.
But also like I need that like a little bit of I like a bad boy, you know, I like
a little bit of bad boy.
That's real of not knowing what day he's going to murder you.
A little bit of a bad boy.
The man made up of several like serial killer profiles.
Yeah. This one. Wow. I didn't think it was going to happen. What a turnaround. man made up of several like serial killer profiles.
Yep. This one, wow.
I didn't think it was gonna happen.
What a turnaround.
Dan, you are exactly right.
You got three points on that one.
You gotta kill Sid.
He's a murderer.
Come on, get him out of there.
And you marry her because she's gonna be,
she's the most emotionally mature of them,
but you gotta have sex with Michael J. White.
You gotta do it.
So Stuart, I'm gonna give you one point for that one.
Now there's only one left in this.
So this is again, fuck Mary Kale.
Stuart, you answer this one first.
So here are your options.
Trickster from Brain Scan, the evil video game character Trickster from Brain Scan.
Oh yes.
I know who he is. Wait, what does work?
Simone, the virtual actress from the movie Sim-One, starring Al Pacino.
Or the combo of Matako, Kasanagi, and the Puppet Master from the end of Ghost in the Shell,
where they've merged into one being.
But bonus option, you can also choose as one of your alternatives,
the holographic split personality projections
of Agent Sebastian, AKA the Toymaker,
the human hacker imprisoned in cyberspace
who has AI personalities from Spy Kids 3D Game Over
played by Sylvester Stallone.
So once again, your choices are Trickster from Brain Scan,
Simone the virtual actress from Sim One,
the combo of Kusanagi and the Puppet Master
from The End of Ghost in the Shell,
or the AI personalities.
Swap them out, yeah.
Yeah, the Toy Maker.
You don't have to use all of them.
Okay.
Okay, so somebody can just be left on the side.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Ooh, okay, this is a really hard one.
I have to go first, huh?
Wow, that's really tough.
But I think I can do this. So, man, trickster from brain scan,
I'm gonna have to say,
Mary.
Wow.
Wow.
I just feel like he's really committed
and he pays a lot of attention to Eddie for long in that.
So I feel like I like that kind of attention paid towards me.
You know?
Yeah, okay.
And yeah, so maybe he's psychotic and gaslights me into thinking I'm killing people,
or maybe I am killing people. Am I killing people? Who knows?
Am I just playing a game?
So that's that. I got that taken care of.
I'm gonna have to... Wait.
Wait, who's... Oh.
I'll get... I guess I'll have sex with Al Pacino's robot girlfriend.
Well, it's not his girlfriend, it's his client.
He's like an agent or a manager or a director or something.
Okay, yeah, well, that's fine.
Part of Stuart's interest was...
And then I guess I'm gonna have to kill...
You were more interested when you were cuckolding Al Pacino than anything else. Yeah. That's why you were pursuing Beverly
D'Angelo for so long, you know. Oh, you know it. I mean, for a large part of my life, the
answer to that is yes. I guess that means I'm gonna have to kill
Kusanagi, or I'm going to attempt to, but Kusanagi's a wily combatant, so we'll see how that works out.
Oh, there's no way you're surviving that. You've sealed your doom.
Dan, what about you? Do you want me to tell you what the options are?
No, I got it.
Because it's Trickster from Brain Scan, Simone from SimOne,
that combo of Kusanagi and Puppet Master from Ghost of the Shell,
and of course the holographic split personality AI projections of Agent Sebastian, aka the
Toymaker from Spy Kids 3D Game Over.
Yeah, well, here's the thing.
I certainly have my hedonistic side, but I think overall I'm too vanilla in my needs
to go for anyone other than Simone for my marriage,
beautiful, highly accomplished actress who presumably is bringing, is a breadwinner
from her Hollywood stardom.
Yeah, huge star, yeah.
And let's see.
Yeah, because they pay computers a lot of money.
Well, aren't they like tricking people
that's as real in the movie?
I can't even remember.
I think they are, that's true.
But I mean, this literally was what we just went on strike about,
was not replacing human actors with AI.
So it's interesting that you're literally sleeping
with the enemy on this one, but okay.
Yes, that's true.
But this was for marriage, you're saying, Simone.
Yeah.
Okay.
Fuck the trickster,
because you must know a few tricks in bed, you know?
Sure.
I'm saying when he puts Eddie Furlong's whole head in his mouth.
His throking goes crazy.
Because that's what you want is a huge mouth.
And Elliot sometimes has specific requirements.
Yeah, that's true, that's true, I forgot.
And whether it's the hybrid creature or Stallone,
that's too scary for me, so I'm afraid they'll have to be killed.
Both of them.
Okay, wow.
Let's take a look at this.
So the correct answers are of course that you do marry Simone.
So Dan, that's great right there.
You kill Trickster.
You got to get rid of Trickster, sorry.
And you have sex with those split personalities.
You're having a foursome with three Sylvester Stallones?
That's true.
Sorry guys, that's what you're going to have to do.
So let's see.
Yeah, I guess we really biff this one.
But no, you know what, Stuart?
I'm going to give you a point for marrying the trickster
because I feel like that shows a depth of compassion
that I certainly don't have, I guess.
Yeah, and bravery.
And Dan, I'm going to give you a one also for marrying Simone.
So let's take a look at the ends of this.
So this, ooh, the things are starting to heat up.
We now have a difference in the scores.
Stuart has taken a one point lead after that round.
The score is now Stuart, Dan 22.
No, sorry, not 22, sorry.
Dan, 16.
Stuart, 17.
So I accidentally added two numbers twice.
This would sting if it didn't feel incredibly arbitrary.
It's, nothing gets more arbitrary than this.
You know, as I said,
I'm not particularly interested in games,
but I think I might be coming around.
I like this one.
Now here's this next round.
If you want arbitrary, let's get going,
because this is round four, the last kind of computer
movie.
Movies where someone just uses a computer at some point in the movie.
Now, this is a...
So what we're going to do here is for a total of three points for the winner, which means
whoever wins this round is the winner of the game.
This is enough, Dan, for you to take the game.
Each take turns naming movies where someone uses a computer until one of you runs out.
And so this can in theory go on forever.
So I'm calling this game Infinite Joust.
Infinite Joust.
Back and forth, right?
So just back and forth.
Dan, you started first last time, right?
I believe.
So Stuart, you start.
You just name a movie where someone uses a computer. Dan Dan you do the same and we'll see where this ends
fireproof sneakers men women and children clear and present danger
Ghostbusters disclosure just cause working girl I don't got anything.
You guys are running out fast.
Commando.
Hackers.
I was surprised hackers took this long to get to.
Predator.
The net.
Did they use a computer in Predator?
I think the Predator uses a computer.
Fair. Okay, Dan, you've saved him.
He uses a computer on his wrist. Yeah sure
Dan was my lifeline
It's rare when your opponent steps in as your lifeline, but it was a good choice
sleepless in Seattle
Adaptation you've got mail
Come on Dan, it's the most it's the it's the most common piece of personal electronics
other than a phone.
Someone's wearing a T-dais.
Mr. Right.
What women want.
Do they use a computer in what women want?
I think they work in an office.
Probably, there's a lot of computers in there.
You know what?
I can't remember any other computer movies.
I can't remember any of them.
Really?
No other movies where someone uses a computer. Ah, Elliot, I'm a simple man. I can't remember any other computer movies. I can't remember any of them. None of them. Really?
No other movies where someone uses a computer?
Elliot, I'm a simple man.
I like games that end.
Well, sorry, this one's not.
I'm giving you one, Dan.
I know who killed me.
Where Lindsay Lohan looks up some information
on a computer.
Stu.
Oh, wow, okay.
Shit, now I'm stumped.
Transcendence.
Okay.
Robocop. Oh, fuck, that's a good one. Transcendence.
Robocop.
Oh, fuck, that's a good one. Robocop. That is a good one, yeah.
Robocop 2.
Robocop 3.
Robocop 4.
Well, there is no such thing.
Oh, wow.
But I'll accept the remake of Robocop.
So, Dan, that's up back to you.
Oh, man, we're trapped here.
There's no way to escape this one, Stuart.
So he says Starship Troopers. What do you say to that?
Oh, man, where's the Minotaur at the center of this labyrinth?
Labyrinth.
OK, you know what?
That's I think there's I don't think there is a computer in labyrinth
Let's there's right in is there a computer in lab or is there a computer in labyrinth?
But you know, it's possible that you are thinking of the movie big in which there is a kind of fantasy computer game at
The beginning so we'll say big for Stuart Dan. You're up next. Oh, that's what's happening. I think so, right?
He's playing like a game or something. I think I remember. Yeah
The mill on the floss that's a that's a that's a movie right not just a book
I mean, it's a book. I don't know if they made I mean there wouldn't be a computer in it because it's a it's a
Book, so damn I made a terrible mistake. Oh no. Oh and then Stuart compounded it Miller's crossing also does not have any computers in it
I knew are you sure can you?
Listeners right in and tell us you guys you've defeated my you defeated the evil evil computer
Elliott who thought he had trapped you but you found a way. You found a hidden back door by naming movies that are from set in the past and
therefore don't have computers in them.
In this way, you are both winners.
You have won by defeating the program.
Dragon Slayer.
We did it.
You don't have to do it anymore.
It's like you did it already.
You've escaped this game world.
And so I guess the only question I've left is if Elliot was a computer
acronym, what would it stand for?
Electronic. Liar.
Loves. Idioms. Or Tater Tots.
Accurate. That's not even a computer acronym. That would just be an acronym for me.
Sure. Just be an acronym for me, sure. I'm going to say, everybody, ladies love...
Ichthyosaurs.
Or tater tots.
Or tater tots.
Well, you did it.
Great work, both of you guys.
I think you're both winners, not because of the score, but because you have managed to
break the game and escape from the horrifying computer game world that I trapped you in.
Yay! Did it.
Oh, no! Does not compute, does not compute.
And then there's smoke coming out of me and sparks and you've got...
Alex, add in sparks and smoke sound effects.
Yeah, and you guys run out just as the building explodes. Add in some explosion sound effects.
Oh, phew. And now you've won the day, except camera pans down to your phone,
where there's a little winking me gif that says that as if,
uh-oh, have I reproduced myself?
Do I follow you where you go?
We've got a little stinker on our hands.
Yeah, the end, question mark.
Well, that was this week's Flophouse Mini.
Thanks, guys, for playing these super dumb games.
Thanks, everybody, for listening to our super dumb games.
Please rate or review this show if you like it.
Go to, you know, your podcast app or whatever
and give us a five star rating.
Tell people that you like us so other people can find us.
We are of course a Maximum Fun podcast.
I'd like to thank the Maximum Fun Network.
Go to maximumfun.org for other great podcasts
that are kind of like ours, but also kind of not like ours.
And some that are not like ours at all. And some that, well, there are kind of like ours, but also kind of not like ours, and some that are not like ours at all.
And some that, well, there's none just like ours,
except for us, the Flopps.
We are produced, of course, and edited by one, Alex Smith.
He goes under the name HowellDotty online.
Please check out his work because he's great.
And I'm sure he added all sorts of cool beeps and boops
to this one that made it sound cool.
Alex, why don't you add some beeps and boops to this one that made it sound cool. Alex, why don't you add some beeps and boops to this one?
If you would like to buy, let's say,
like Jumbotron space to advertise something on the podcast
or to just, you know, send a message to someone
that you love to show them the power of love
that defeats so many evil computers,
just go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron.
And otherwise, please join us in Boston in July or join us next week on another
episode of the Flophouse.
Until then I remain the computer intelligence known as Elliot, evil, what
was it, evil, liar, loves tater tots.
So I don't remember how to spell my name.
And who have I been, who have been my contestants slash
players slash prisoners this week?
I've been Dan, don't answer now.
That was terrible, I'm sorry.
I already checked out, sorry.
I've been Stu, simulation technology user.
Well, that's really good. Excellent. Stu Simulation Technology User.
Well, that's really good. Excellent.
That's great.
Until then, everybody, make sure you're not living
in a computer world right now,
or if you are living in a computer world,
make the most of it, do something fun today.
Enjoy that computer world stuff.
And we'll see you next time.
Bye!
Beep boop. and we'll see you next time. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. in a Django. Don't even bother to do another take Dan that was perfect. That's perfect. You just recorded your first number one hit.
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