The Flop House - FH Mini 105 - The Flop House Bar & Grill

Episode Date: June 15, 2024

Stuart brings a surprise guest, and a surprising new business venture for the Flop House.Catch us LIVE in Boston!Check out Howell Dawdy (aka Producer Alex)'s new album!Right now, Aura has a great deal for Father’s Day. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting  AuraFrames.com to get $30-off on their best-selling frame. This deal ends June 18, so don’t wait! Use code FLOP at checkout to save.

Hey, yeah, that's me, Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse Podcast. And this is an episode of the Flophouse Podcast. And I am one of the hosts of the Flophouse Podcast. And this is one of the Flophouse mini episodes. That's where we normally watch a bad movie and talk about it. But on one of these minis, we're going to be doing something a little bit different. As always, I am joined by my two regular co-hosts, Dan McCoy, say hello, Dan. Hello, Dan.

And my other co-host, Elliot Kalin, say hello, Elliot. Hello, Elliot. Now today, instead of watching a bad movie and talking about it, today we are actually gonna be doing a little bit of business. We're gonna take our listeners behind the curtain, because this is the first annual, this is the first ever shareholders meeting

for the new venture, the Flophouse Bar and Grill. That's right, the Flophouse moving into branded restaurant territory. So we need to have a meeting so that we can get this business off the ground and do that. Interesting to learn about this now in this city. I know, yeah, you haven't checked your bank account because you've already invested. Unfortunately. I know. Yeah, you haven't checked your bank account because you've already invested.

Unfortunately. What? I know I shouldn't have signed those papers giving Stewart power of attorney over my finances. Yeah, it's too bad. I mean, you're kind of a pay pig in this situation. So to help, to help this. This is a Fendom thing, I'm pretty sure.

Oh, okay, then that's fine, yeah. To help this process along, I have brought in an expert. That's right, okay? Alex, why don't you throw in a bar rescue guitar sting here. For over 30 years in the hospitality business, Charlene Wellington is a legend in her field. In Brooklyn, she is a giant in the industry of bartending and bar-owning.

That's right. For her, running a bar is not just a business. It's a science. Hey Charlene, how you doing? Hi, I'm doing great. So we brought you in as an expert to help us with this venture. How do you feel about this? Do you want to introduce yourself? Do you want to give your bonaafides other than the bonafides I've already given you? No, I think I think you did a good job. Okay, that's nice to hear. I guess I have a praise king today. So we're going to be talking about our restaurant business. Now, if you are interested in movies, well, you're

lucky because we're going to talk about movies up front because I feel like the best way to really kick this new venture off the ground is for us to kind of examine popular restaurants and movies. I messed that up already. I'm not good at running meetings here guys. I know normally you guys have me in the meeting organizer category, but this is a new role for me. So we'll see how I'm doing.

So we're going to talk about restaurants and bars that we know from the movies and TV. And obviously, if you guys can think of some examples that I might miss, feel free to chime in. But the idea is- Taco Bell and Timecop. Okay, all right. So we're gonna talk about examples

so that we can get an idea of what we think would best serve the Flophouse brand. That's right. Okay. So Elliot kicked us off right there. Taco Bell and Timecop. What are some what do you what do you like about it? Elliot? So what I like about Taco Bell, specifically the Timecop version is it's fine dining. It's the only restaurant. It's implied that it destroyed all the other restaurants at some point and took them over and conquered them. So the name is kind of malleable.

You know, you can it can mean a number of different things. It's flexible. It's it can do different types of things. It's not just tacos. I mean, this is a world where you don't even have toilet paper anymore. So who knows what Taco Bell serves you? Certainly not something where you would need a lot of toilet paper because they don't have it anymore.

Which is unlike current Taco Bell from my understanding. Yes. No offense to Taco Bell. We all remember their ad campaign, Moss Papier de Toilette. I remember how Debanyo... That's what they'll live Moss. Delphine.

Why are we afraid of offending Taco Bell too? I don't understand. It was poop moss. That was the slogan. Oh wow. They had to tweak it a little bit. Okay, so... I like how mine turned into French almost instantly?

I couldn't even stick with Spanish through one slogan. Yep. Taco Bell in Demolition Man. Any other thoughts? Oh, sorry. Demolition Man. I said Timecop earlier. I apologize. I meant Demolition Man. I don't know. You got the double deuce in Roadhouse? That's perfect. That's the first on my list. So in honor of the new Roadhouse. It wasn't Taco wasn't a bell in demolition man or time cop as I said a movie where they don't actually go to Taco Bell So I think in time cop they go to the mall. I think that's yeah There's a Taco Bell there. Yeah, they and or an Auntie Anne's right? What's your favorite mall restaurant? Oh Me I thought you're looking at Charlene. I

Oh me? I thought you were looking at Charlene. Any of you. That's the joy of a podcast. It's an improv exercise. I don't remember really eating at the mall a lot. We used to do it a lot. Then I'll talk about this. We used to do it a lot. We'd go to Benegans, we'd go to Hula Hands, we'd go to Fridays. You were a fictional character that owned a restaurant. We were eating at your restaurant in the mall. What's, wait, not Fudd Rockers. That wasn't in the mall? What's no Ruby Tuesday's man?

I used to fuck up a ruby Tuesday's like lunch like lunch salad bar I just it's too bad that Alan Moore never got to do the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen set in the world of franchise Restaurants because to finally see Ruby Tuesday hula hand Ben again and TGI Friday teaming up together. Oh man amazing You're only scratching the surface there, buddy. Yeah. I had some of the classic sort of mall foods, not like a meal, but I remember being given an Orange Julius as a kid and immediately being like,

what is this, I don't care for this. See, that's something I only knew from references and TV shows and movies. I first heard of Orange Julius on an episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete, and I thought it was a made-up thing in the world of Pete and Pete, because I've never encountered one in an actual mall.

And you were impressed at how good the branding was, that it sounded so real. Yeah, that sounded super real. Orange Julius does sound like an amazing name, yeah. You know, like all the Julius's I know in real life aren't orange, so this must be a made-up. When I stopped going to the mall with my parents and started going with my friends.

When you started to get, when you stopped being phony and started getting real or whatever? Yeah, orange Julius was just something we would walk by and we never like noticed it, but my friends would be like, let's get an orange Julius. To wash down the, I'm assuming pack of cigarettes they're smoking. Obviously. Inside the mall. Yeah, just take a bite of an anti-. To wash down the, I'm assuming, pack of cigarettes they're smoking. Obviously.

Inside the mall. Inside the mall. Yeah, just take a bite of an anti-anxie, take a drag on a cigarette. It needs something to power you up as you go. What, roller skating? Did you have ice skating? We didn't roller skate. Were you hanging out at Tilt?

In the mall. Yes, Tilt was the branded arcade in my mall. KB Dalton's booksellers. We talked about it when we talked about Joysticks. KB Toys. There was a KB Toys. KB Toys, yep. Yes, Tilde was the branded arcade in my mall. D'Alton's booksellers. We talked about it when we talked about Joysticks. KB Toys, what were they? There was a KB Toys. KB Toys, yep.

Sam Goody. So should I mention another restaurant now? What? Sure. How does this work, Stuart? We didn't talk about the double juice. We didn't talk about the double juice. Yeah, can you lay down some ground rules to like what we're doing?

I feel like that's so confused. Are we deciding if we want to open a road house? So that's what I'm saying. Clearly, I mean, I feel like this premise is fairly clear. So let's talk about the double deuce, the titular Roadhouse from the movie Roadhouse. The original Roadhouse. We're not going to talk about the Roadhouse

from the Roadhouse, but we can do that too. There's no rules to it. That was just called Roadhouse. Well, I think the first thing we need to do is hire security. Yes, that's, well that's, I would say that if the Flophouse Bar and Grill is a rowdy Roadhouse, I feel like that movie has taught us that we should, yes, hire security.

Unfortunately, we can't hire the best in the biz, Dalton, because he went on to start that book chain in the mall, B. Dalton's, which stands for Bouncer Daltons Book Sellers. And we can't hire a rowdy Roadhouse Piper because that's not an actual person. No, not at all. But if he was, now the thing is that I feel like that bouncers in general are expensive.

I think Shar and I are limited experience dealing with bouncers and door guys. I mean it depends on what you want. You need to find someone who can bounce. And that's not easy to do. They need that gummy bears potion from the cartoon. Tigger? Or some flubber.

Yeah. Absolute mind professor. Tigger can bounce pretty well. I mean, the bottom is made out of rubber and the top is made out of springs. So some other things about the Double Deuce. It's rowdy. It's busy. It's popular.

You have various bands performing. Yeah, in-house music. Yep, they're playing house music. And they have a chain link fence to protect them. Expenses, expenses, expenses. We're talking all expenses here. Yeah, they seem to be saving their money by making their beer bottles, however,

out of the thinnest possible glass. They just shatter. Well, usually bars don't make their own beer bottles, however, out of the thinnest possible glass, because it just shatters and hits everywhere. Anything. Which is bad. Well, usually bars don't make their own beer bottles, is the thing. That's true, and you're not even a professional. Thank you, yes.

Just from my experience, just my limited experience as a patron of a restaurant, I see that normally they don't, not everything is grown or manufactured in a bar. Sure, but maybe they're purchasing from a sub-bar vendor. That's funny. Again, you usually buy, I mean, maybe they're buying from the bottle, or that uses the one, but maybe they're buying from the bottle or uses the one, but

usually you're buying from the brewery, I assume. Yeah. Also, it's best to keep the beer inside the bottle, then have it be outside the bottle until you want to drink it. Until you want to drink it. It's very hard to drink it when it's still in the bottle. Yeah. That's true.

It's possible. But you don't want to lick it out of a puddle of broken glass. No, that's true. Not unless you're the character Killer Kane in the movie, what's the ninth prophecy? The ninth configuration? The configuration with Stacy Keach, yeah. Where they make him lick the beer

off the wood floor of the bar, because they have to unleash the killer inside of it. Yeah, and I feel like Stacy Keach gives off the energy that he would do that anyway. So we so Stacey Keach is our bouncer at this roadhouse. Stacey Keach and Tigger, two entrances. Now, there's your movie is the two of them are there to them or bouncer's getting along, but they work well together. Yeah, Stacey Keach and Tigger. Yeah.

And and Rabid has to be involved some way, because he need a fuddy-duddy, right? Rabbit's a pain in the ass. Yeah, yeah. That's what you look for in a bouncer is a fuddy-duddy. Well, Rabbit, I assume, is the music booker, and he's always very nervous, yeah. Oh, man, he's so stressed out.

Okay. Okay, so that's Roadhouse. We kind of have no idea what a Roadhouse is. Okay. Let's move on to the world of television. Okay. Okay. Cheers.

Has anyone seen the show Cheers? Hours above. It might be familiar. Yep. So who's the best in Cheers? Who's the best Cheers? Who's the best? Who's the best Cheers?

Yeah, who's the best Cheers? At what? At what? At their job or as a character? I mean, obviously Coach. The funniest to me is Coach, but I don't want to hire a coach. He's bad at his job. He's bad at his job.

Wow, you don't want to hire an older American hard-working guy? I feel like everyone in Cheers was bad at their jobs. That's even Carla? Carla was the worst. She builds a pretty unwelcoming atmosphere. And this is the kind of bar where people wear sports jackets when they drink there. You know?

That's true. There are certain bars where you go there and you're like, I want to get yelled at by the people who work here. I want to be insulted. And that's not, I feel like that's not the crowd for that. You know? So, I feel like at least

if we are going to take lessons away from Cheers, I think the location is lovely. But you're saying that maybe we should train our staff differently. I think if there's a way for the staff to keep that personality without say, forgetting what people order or insulting them when they deliver their order, I think that'd be great.

But the location is great, right in the heart of Austin, underneath a restaurant that people need to wait for their tables, they go down and get a drink. Unhospitable to newcomers. Yeah. Yes. right in the heart of Boston, underneath a restaurant that people need to wait for their tables, they go down and get a drink. Unhospitable to newcomers. Yeah. Yes. That's what you're looking for?

I think isn't there a cigar store Indian in the front? I think we lose that. Let's not have that. Yeah, probably cut that one out. That's not something we need, yeah. And, yeah. But I do want a lot of old newspapers on the walls, for sure.

Isn't Sam Malone like a famous bowler or something? No, he was a pitcher. Professional a pitcher, he was a relief pitcher. Also, we can't have our bartenders sleeping with all the customers. Well, if the face of the bar could be a professional athlete, that'd be great. It brings in the fans. If he could not be in a sort of sexual harassment relationship with both his employees and the patrons, that would be great.

Write that down, Stuart. Okay. I mean, this whole episode is TM us, so nobody can see already. And I assume Rabbit could also be a good human resources person. He's a little nervous about having to call in Sam Malone and talk to him. Yeah, Rabbit would be great at that. Oh man, I love it. Okay, so we've learned some stuff from Cheers.

Does anyone have a, did anyone, nobody really came up with a definitive answer as to who's the best Cheers. Who's the best? Coach, okay. Coach is the best. Coach is the best Cheers. It seems like a...

Coach's first name? Ernie. Ernie. Yeah, Ernie Pantuso. Okay. That's his last name, Dan. His first name is not Ernie Pantuso. I'm just giving the full name, man. Okay.

Back to the world of movies. The restaurant from Ratatouille. Okay. Okay, fancy. Very fancy. What can we, what do we like? What are our roses? What are our thorns here?

I feel like the health inspector is not gonna like that the food is prepared by rats. Probably not. And we never see him wash his hands, do we? The rat? Never. Yeah. I mean, I guess the rat is not handling the food usually. He's pulling the hair of the chef who is then

who's then making the food. But that chef has like a ton of rat poop under his hat. Yeah, I mean, the fact that he has a rat in his hair is a no-go. You don't want that guy working at your restaurant. Yeah. No matter how brilliant the rat is or how good a human puppet he is, you know.

Also seems like a very unreliable way to steer any cooking. Like it's, right now it seems to be working great for them, but I, you know, if a rat was pulling on my hair, it wouldn't immediately translate for me into action. Like I wouldn't necessarily know what the rat wants. I mean the action it would translate into is brushing your head to get the rat off and probably yelling.

Yeah. Although I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. Have you tried having a rat drive you around like a little man machine? Have I tried it? Like a little black norbit or whatever? Yeah, Dan, maybe you should try it. Don't knock until you try it.

No, I haven't tried it yet. You're right. Being driven like a human car with a rat driver. Like rat fink. A boo boo? Yeah, no, no a rat driver. Like Rat Fink. A booboo? Yeah, no, no, that's a different Rat Fink. I think, but it is better, it's cleaner and better than in the Muppets Take Manhattan, where the rats are just handling the food and also skating on butterpats on a frying

pan, you know, they're, they're, what, bicycling in the soup, all that is, yeah, you don't want that either, you know. Okay, so we understand that, we probably don't want a restaurant where we rely on animals. Based on rat employees. Yeah, you don't want that either, you know. Okay, so we understand that we probably don't want a restaurant where we rely on animals. Based on rat employees. Yeah, rat employees. Okay, that's actually a pretty good point. But maybe we're not completely-

Tiggers and rabbits are okay. Tiggers and rabbits are okay. Tigger, he's outside the bar, he's at the door. You know, he's not fully outside, but he's at the door. Maybe there's a little entryway that he can be in. And rabbit, he's just in the back room, he's not handling the food, yeah. So also not the diner from Muppet Steak Manhattan, then. So also not the diner from Muppets Take Manhattan then?

Exactly, not the diner from Muppets Take Manhattan. Well, is there anything good about the diner from Muppets Take Manhattan? There's a bunch of Muppets in it, so that's fun. Okay, yeah. Maybe our restaurant has Muppets in it, that'd be great, as they're patrons there mostly, but I think that'd be great, yeah.

If it's a Muppet-friendly restaurant, yeah. But I feel like they're unreliable about paying for things, right? Or am I just casting aspersions on Muppets in general? Yeah, I don't think they're that good with money and also often they get hit by taxi cabs and lose their memory and have to be found again at the same diner.

I mean, often, like, you know, one out of three. More than zero, more than zero times. Movies of, I don't count the later ones. Oh, wow. So Stuart, I had a movie I wanted to introduce. Also as long as we're talking about movie, restaurants in New York specifically, like the Muppet Stake Manhattan Diner,

is there in Gremlins 2, there is a Canadian restaurant that I find, what I like about it is it knows its concept and it sticks with that concept very closely. It's got a clear core conception of what they serve there. The servers dresses Mounties, right? The servers dresses Mounties. There's a lot of stuffed bears and trout on the walls. They serve a chocolate mousse,

which is a mousse's head made out of chocolate. They serve Molson beer. It's very, it is a, I mean, I have to assume poutine is on the menu somewhere in there. You have to assume, yeah, exactly. And the rest of the dessert menu is provided by Tim Hortons, I would imagine. Probably. With the markup, it was harder to get Tim Hortons in New York at the time.

Would a Gremlin's restaurant have to close before midnight? That's a good point, Elliot. That's a great question. Often restaurants do close before midnight, so I think that won't be too big of an issue. That's true. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like, in fact, with the way that restaurants are closing earlier these days It's it's doing some work to prevent gremlin infestations

Introduce that regulation. Yeah. Yeah, if you can't feed them after midnight How long is the window until it's the next day and you can yeah, that's one of the big concerns Dan I think is an expert on this. So why don't you? Dan you're a gram ologologist. What do you say? Yeah. Well, it's been brought up sort of in a scene in Gremlins 2, the new batch, where they do make fun of the vagueness. Yeah, they talk about if you're in an airplane crossing time zones.

Does that count? Things like that. Yeah. I'm asking questions that have been asked before. I'm sorry. No, no, no. These are important questions. Just because a question has been asked before doesn't mean it's been, no, no, these are important questions. Just because a question has been asked before doesn't mean it's been answered. And it needs to be asked again, yeah. Like, who's the best at Cheers?

Or who's the boss? Who's the best at Cheers? Okay, so I think we all like some things about the Canadian restaurant and gremlins we're going to keep. This is all going to be helpful because in the second half of this meeting, we're going to really hammer in what we're doing. But I think it's best for us to brainstorm a little

and get some ideas of inspiration for our own venture. So let's talk about the restaurant from The Bear. Hit show on Hulu coming back soon. The restaurant from The Bear season one or season two? Because they're two very different restaurants. Let's talk about them both. Which one do you think the people of that neighborhood of Chicago are more excited about? A reasonably priced beef restaurant or a very fancy restaurant?

A legendary sandwich restaurant that you can just stop in and get something for lunch whenever you want. Or a fancy restaurant where you need a reservation. I'm going to go with, I did miss that sandwich restaurant in season two, I did not like that turn that they took. On the trailer for this new one, it seems like he's changing up his menu all the time. Look, I don't want that as a consumer, you know? I wanna know that there are a few reliable things

on the menu that if they're good, they're gonna be good. You know, he's chasing know that there are a few reliable things on the menu that if they're good, they're going to be good. You know, he's chasing his views all over the place. Yeah, you were saying, because you went to a nice restaurant in London and you said you were mad that they took the chicken nuggies off the menu. That's right.

With dipping sauce. He wants dipping sauce. They weren't the same shapes anymore. I wanted them star shapedshaped and they refused. Because you're a star, right? You're like, I want my food to be a congratulations. Yeah. I want the sky to be empty of stars because they're all on my plate deep-fried and breaded. On my tummy. Yeah.

So Charlene, how likely do you think if somebody were to do that with a classic restaurant like a classic beef restaurant? Turn it from a sandwich shop to a fancy restaurant. How long would it take before one of the old regulars just walks in and spits on the floor? Immediately Yeah, they would they would be mad. They would throw something. Yeah I mean, I will say this the second restaurant seems like it's a lot more pleasant to work in than the first one though Like when he knows the fucking icebox broke and he got stuck in the walk-in, right? Well, that's his own That's his own mistake. He that was fool. That was him foolish. I was a plate. He wasn't didn't keep spinning Yeah, that's user error. Yeah as an expert. I feel like that whole second season was a mistake

You had a concept that was working. It was simple. Everybody knew what they were going to get. And then he took it and he turned it around. And now they're like making cherry foam and nobody wants that. So how long did we spend arguing about the how likely it is that you could get stuck in your own walk-in like that? I mean, if you're walk-in,

I mean, it should have a safety feature. You should not be able to get stuck in your walk-in like that. Even Christopher Walk-In has a safety feature so you can't get stuck in him. Yes, he does, he does. And I've tried. It's the size of his orifices. That's the safety feature that keeps you from getting stuck.

Dan, thanks for taking something that was delightfully surreal and turned into vulgar. I didn't say, I didn't say. I didn't say witch orifice. Maybe it's a six distance port. Yeah, exactly. It could be his ear, you know. So, but Charlene, you're saying there should be a safety feature on that walk-in freezer.

There's a safety feature on most walk-in freezers that you would have to lock somebody in on purpose because there's like. Maybe that's what happened. Maybe that's what we'll find out in season three. Maybe we will. Or it could have just been really old and the safety features broke in and they taped it up. Yeah, do you think they'll go do a deep dive into the safety features and structure of this walk-in? Probably. That's probably what's going to happen. We're going to do a whole episode on that.

I mean, if ever there was a restaurant that should not have passed its exams, it feels like it's that one. Like that thing was really held together with with you know Yeah, and bailing wire and stuff like that But so it's probably that's the business right someone got stuck in the walk-in on the Brady Bunch once Maybe you explain afraid of walking cooler in the Brady Bunch Sam's butcher He had a walk-in cooler. Oh Sam and Alice went into the freezer to have sex in the middle of the day. And they got stuck in there. It's the only cool place.

I think it might have been Greg that got stuck in there. Whoa, he was going to have sex with Greg? The Brady Bunches. It was an edgy show. It was ahead of its time. Very edgy, yeah. Okay, and did we cover who's the best The Bear? The Brady Bunches show that took a brave anti-Jesse James stance in one episode.

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty, I do remember that. So did we decide who the best The Bear is? The best The Bear? Uh-huh. The best The Bear. The Bear from the movie The Bear, probably. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's a real bear, yeah.

I'm a blue guy, personally, but that's me. I'm a Baloo too. Dabu dee dabu die, dabu dee dabu die. Just drop the call. Oh man, you guys picked all the best bears. Yeah, you have to pick a lousy bear now. I have to pick a terrible bear. You got a...

There's a go-kart bear. You got Paddington. There's a bear in the movie The Edge. I didn't see that. All right, I'll got Paddington. There's a bear in the movie The Edge. I didn't see that. All right, I'll take Paddington, but Baloo is kind of my favorite. Yeah, Baloo rocks.

And are we talking about like, Tailspin Baloo? I'm going to choose Tailspin Baloo because it's the same guy that he can fly a plane. Yeah. No, I like the one that sings Bear Necessities. Yeah. Yeah, that, the Tailspin Baloo has a job.

You know, like that that like the great thing about Jungle book balloon is he just floats down the river. Yeah. Yeah I like gummy bears for Dan eventually you got to get a job as a jungle No, the whole thing is the bear necessities of life come to you. Somebody's been somebody's been Over here prickly pear What does he contributing to society Dan? We We need workers, not bears floating down rivers. I mean, he raised that child. Yeah, that's a job.

That's a full-time job. That's a full-time job. There's only so much you can get knowing that you pick up the paw-paw with the claw and not the paw, Dan. So it's great that we're talking about animated shows. Let's talk about another one, Bob's Burgers. Bob's Burgers is a hamburger restaurant. Also kind of like the bear in some ways,. Also kind of like the bear in some ways.

Yeah. Kind of like the bear in some ways. Do they ever, do they ever, and I guess it's a movie too. They made a movie about it. They did make a movie. Did you hear about this? Did anybody hear about this? So wait, so did they ever do a fine dining episode where

Bob's Burgers became a fine dining restaurant? Probably. I haven't, I don't watch it as regularly as I once, I watched it weekly for like eight years and then I haven't watched it as regularly, so maybe. So what do we like about the Bob's Burgers restaurant? You know what I like about Bob's Burgers? They've been at it a long time,

but they still manage to put a new special up on the board every week. And it shows that they care. Yeah, I mean. And their regular menu stays the same, but they have that new special, that's a nice balance. Yeah, and it shows that they care. Yeah. And their regular menu stays the same, but they have that new special. That's a nice balance. Yeah.

And it's usually timely. Yeah. Or punny. It's basically just burgers, but Bob clearly really loves burgers. He's focused on his core competencies and you know, that's the business. Well, there's passion as opposed to the bear,

where he has a passion for cooking, but he's trying to change the restaurant. And yelling. That's true where he has a passion for cooking, but he's trying to change the restaurant. And yelling. That's true. Bob has a passion for cooking burgers and also not yelling. He's very quiet as any John Benjamin voiced character would be, is kind of, you know, under-remoting. But also that I feel like, yeah,

he's just more comfortable in that space. You know, I'd rather go eat at Bob's Burgers than eat at the bear fancy or the bear beef sandwich Mm-hmm or the bear the animal Movie. Yeah Better than the original Bears beef Yeah, I think the original beef sandwich is probably better than Bob's Burgers I think the sandwich is probably better

But I'd rather sit in the Bob's Burgers than sit in the Mr. Beef and just hear them screaming at each other. You can also sit in your car and get it to go. That's true. Just get it. Just walk down the street. Just walk down the beautiful Chicago street. What neighborhood in Chicago does that take place in? Grimsblow. You're a local, Illinois. I am from Illinois.

I am from downstate. I have not actually spent a whole heck of a lot of time in Chicago. I do not know. Okay. And what's your favorite style of Chicago hot dog? Chicago style? I do not like Chicago hot dogs. I'm sorry to the people of my state.

What makes it a Chicago style dog? They put a bunch of vegetables on it. They put some celery salt. They put a... Celery salt? Seeded bun? Yep, seeded bun. Celery salt, mustard.

And how is the bun cut? Is it side or is it top? Wait a minute, what? I think this is less key to a Chicago dog, the cutting of the bun. I don't know, but it's mostly the toppings as well. I just don't like, I don't like those hot dog buns that are cut on the top where you can never quite fit the hot dog all the way in it. Just pry it apart a little more, man.

Yeah, that's not my job, to rip my food open to fit more of it in. Sure. And they also feature sliced cherry tomatoes and a sport pepper. Sport pepper is a key. What's a sport pepper? It's kinda like a pepper-a-chini.

Yeah, it's too much for me. I'm, you know, my adopted home of New York. I prefer the New York style dog with some mustard and then maybe some sauerkraut or onions. Elliot, do you have a hot dog preference? I like ketchup and onions, maybe sauerkraut sometimes. I know a lot of people are like, ketchup on a hot dog? And I'm like, I don't care, you don't have to eat it.

Like that's how I like to eat. Do what you want. No, yeah. I like ketchup on a hot dog too. Charlene, is that your hot dog order? Nathan's ketchup and then those crinkle fries. Yeah. I feel like the crinkle fries.

I feel like at this point, the hot dog is more of an excuse to get crinkle fries. Yeah, and the little red fork. Yeah, you gotta get the little red fork. Like you're a fucking Skeksis. We need that at our restaurant, the little red fork. Little red fork, I'm into it, I'm into it. That's so German curry-versed of us.

And I don't care what the food is, but it should have a little plastic table, just like inside a pizza box. Tiny little table for... Every time I'd get one as a kid, I'm like, can I paint this for my Warhammer guys to sit around and eat pizza on? A Warhammer pizzeria? Yeah, sure. Yeah, that'd be great. Okay, let's wait. I know we're brainstorming restaurant concepts in the second half, but Warhammer pizzeria. Let's just put a pin in that.

Warhammer pizzeria, yeah. Let's save that. What would the toppings be? Once again, we're gonna save that for later. If I get too excited, I'm gonna forget the rest of this. Probably like Goblin Guts or something, I don't know. So, the Bar 10 forward owned by Guinan on the Star Trek Enterprise. Yeah. I love that there's aliens in there.

Okay. I like that if you go there, Guinan's going to give you some sort of wise counsel. Yeah, you got to have a good front man. Although I feel like it's tough when, what if you go there on one of the nights that Guinan's not working, you're gonna be fucking bombed. That's so disappointing.

You came all the way across space, and Guinan's not here. It's like going to Hinterland on a day that Stewart's not here. Oh, here we go again. Time to roast Stewart. I like the idea that this is coming up because in this fantasy Elliot came to Hentron looking for Stewart.

I just want to see my good friend Stewart. He flew across the country to try to contact him. In Stewart's defense our bar is open for 16 hours a day, seven days a week. You can't possibly be there all of those hours. It's I trying hard enough. I try, you know? Now, so I think we're all in agreement. The best Star Trek is...

Are we all in agreement? Star Wars. Dan's gonna say Riker. The best series or person? Because I... I made this super clear to you, the best Star Trek is... I like the Brave New Worlds that has the captain that everyone says has similar hair to you. Yeah, the one that everybody says is Stewart, but in space.

Anson Mount, I think his name is. I like Quark. Sure does like Quark. He's got some really interesting ideas for a small business owner. I wonder what his politics are. Yeah, real good, I bet. Can I choose Q, the omnipotent trickster who doesn't really fit into the Star Trek universe at all that I like the idea of it? You can obviously choose it.

I would say that as Dan's shaking his head. It means that you're incorrect. What if I choose Q the winged serpent? Is that a Star Trek thing? Okay, sure. It is a Star Trek thing. You don't. Yeah, it's because Michael Moriarty is in it and he's in Star Trek. What about Q from this last season of Drag Race? Okay.

I think you probably need to translate that for Elliot and Dan. What's RuPaul's Drag Race? I just assumed you were talking about were from the James Bond movies. Yeah. Yeah, Desmond Llewellyn in drag. Okay, now this is a little outside the box, but I think we might be able to get some ideas here. Central Perk.

Are we still in the first half of this episode? Yes, Central Perk from the episode, from the show Friends. Central Perk, what do we like about it? Now what I like as a patron is you can order one cup of coffee or zero cups of coffee from the show, Friends, Central Perk. What do we like about it? Now what I like as a patron is you can order one cup of coffee or zero cups of coffee and just hang out all day. I don't like that as the owner. Well, I don't know if you can.

Clearly their favorite customers can and they get that same table whenever they want. But if I walked into Central Perk, would I be able to get a table or are these people just hanging out there all the time? Yeah, they sit on that same couch all the time. It's gotta smell like their asses. I mean, also they lay on their couch.

All the couches smell like someone's ass. But they lay on their couch like they're in that house. That's a public couch. Yeah, it's kinda gross. Well, that's the thing is they take up a lot of space. I feel like they're taking up way more space than a party of that size really should be at that table. How a... Yeah, a party of five.

They knew how to take up exactly the amount of space that five people be at that table. Yeah, party of five, they knew how to take up exactly the amount of space that five people needed to take up. Exactly. Just the 10 of us, they knew exactly how much space they were going to take up, a Christian amount. Charlene, how do you feel about couches in public spaces? I think they're gross. Okay, interesting.

You knew that. What about like overstuffed ones that have like lots of stuffing? They're comfortable. In theory, they're kind of awesome. You make this coffee shop feel like a living room, but like a bunch of people you don't know are spilling stuff and sitting on this piece of fabric and it's absorbing all the absorbies. And yeah, and so I can't imagine that Monica would put our face on this public couch.

That's true. She's very germaphobic. And before we move on to the next half, before we put a pin in this, who is the best friends? Lisa Kudrow, Phoebe. Okay, interesting. Both are the best friends? Lisa Kudrow, Phoebe. Okay, interesting. Both for the best friends. Yeah, I mean, I'd have to say,

I'd also have to say Lisa Kudrow. Like there's really no competition. Whether we're talking about the performers or the characters. Or the friend. Charlene, do you want to weigh in? I'm partial to Rachel. Shar's a Rachel. Because of the haircut? Yeah. Yeah, the Rachel. Yeah, I'm just partial to the haircut. Okay, so we've all decided. It's Rachel and Phoebe. And now we're committed to who we will be in the next life.

Wait, Stuart, who's yours? Oh, I'm gonna say Joey. Okay. Joey's one of them. He is one of them. He is one of the friends. Thumbs up to that guy. Okay.

Yeah, he hung out with a chimp. And that's in Katchup. And Ed, right? Is it Ed? Yes, it's Ed. The baseball playing chimp. What? Ed. Yeah, and champ. Baseball playing champ. Yeah. What?

Ed. Yeah, and that starred Matt LeBlanc as the non-chimpanzi. There's also a Chimp and Friends. Well, it's not a Chimp and Friends. It's a Chimp and Friends Saturday morning cartoon show. But yeah, it's like a monkey. It's like a capuchin monkey, right? Oh, yeah.

I don't know that much about monkeys. Wow. They wrote the monkey out. Why did you come on this podcast? I told the guys you were going to be a monkey expert. I saw an ad for a monkey expert and I was like, yeah. I know a lot about the monkeys. There was one named Davey Jones. Also on the Brady Bunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is also the name of a pirate, and he was in A Pirates of the Caribbean with a monkey. It all, wow. Dan, I think you proved the conspiracy.

Mind blown. The dots have been connected. We're gonna take a brief break for a message from our sponsors. ["The Daily Show Theme"] People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree. Which is why here on Just the Zoo of Us,

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Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts. Hey, howdy everybody. It's me, producer Alex, AKA Howl Doddy. I have a brand new album that drops today, June 15th. The Davis Mini is coming out and it will definitely be up right now for a listen and or a download on Bandcamp and it's probably up on Spotify and Apple Music. It just sometimes it takes a little bit longer to get through their system so I can't say for sure as I'm making this promo but it's probably up there. So the new album is called I Need Some Help and it's got some great tracks on it like this the title track Need Some Help, which sounds like this. I need some help, I'm losing track of all my thoughts and it's too crowded in this world

I'm on a sinking ship about a mile from shore, and I think I might have parked right by where that tree fell And it's going all to hell, man I need some help, man, I need some help, man, I need some help I woke up on my rooftop, I need some help And there's a nice little bop on it called Look Bad, Feel Bad. Got a nice little groove to it, and I got kind of a political anthem on there called Netflix Should Be Free. Netflix should be free!

And other kids should be less expensive. Netflix should be free! There's also a real fun one on there called Squirrel House. Bury me with my butt sticking up so a squirrel family makes a hutch in my butt. I wanna be a squirrel family makes a hutch in my butt. I wanna be a squirrel house. I wanna be a squirrel house. All that and more. Howl Dottie, I need some help.

Available now wherever you get your music at. You know, it's hard to shop for dads for Father's Day. This is a truism that is actually true. A lot of the times dads are the kind of people who have everything already, or if they want a thing, they just buy it for themselves. What do you get for someone like that? Well, why not put down the slippers,

step away from the ties, and get your dad something unexpected? An Aura digital frame. These frames, we have one in our home. They're beautiful, Wi-Fi connected digital frames that allow you to share and display unlimited photos. You upload them from your phone or whatever and connect it to these frames.

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perhaps for Father's Day. Aura displays photos in true color and automatically adjusts to the light level of the room. At night when you turn out the light, your frame also turns off to save energy. This is a great feature, I've noticed it. I also wanna say, you know, there's some digital frames out there that may look a little janky.

This looks like a beautiful frame. It's been how we display, among other things, a bunch of wedding photos. If Audrey sees a photo from the wedding that she thinks is particularly delightful or funny, she will take a picture of that photo in the frame and text it to the friend that's featured in the photo because she's so glad to remember that memory.

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Use code FLOP at checkout to save. Terms and conditions apply. And also, speaking of offer code FLOP, the FLOP house is live in Boston on July 26, 2024. That is July 26, 2024 at 7 p.m. WBUR City Space. That's where we will be in Boston, July 26, 2024. What we'll be talking about? A movie, a movie of some kind. I don't think anyone will be surprised to learn

we'll be talking about a movie, still thinking about it though. But we'll have great presentations ahead of time. We'll take some questions. I think I mentioned before, Stuart did a presentation about cars in Boston that really, I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die. I was laughing so hard.

Will that happen again? Who knows? But you gotta be there to see. So that is again on July 26th of this year at 7 p.m. at WBUR City Space. That is again on July 26th of this year at 7 p.m. at WBUR City Space. If you want tickets, they are at flophousepodcast.com slash events. And we're back, hooray!

So we have done a whirlwind tour through bars and restaurants in movies and television as a way for us to familiarize ourselves with what bars and restaurants are. Oh, thank God. So today what we're going to be doing, since this is our first meeting. We were figuring out what bars and restaurants are. Yeah, yeah.

I think we figured it out. Yeah, I think we figured it out. Based on knowledge, we're going to the real meaty. Obviously, that's how business meetings start. Yep. So what we're first going to do, so we have determined the name of our business, which is of course the Flophouse Bar and Grill. It is a...

What about like the Flophouse Tavern? That's too bad because it's already the Flophouse Bar and Grill. Well, I guess I should have known it. So the Flophouse Bar and Grill, now let's talk about vibe and theme. What are we going for here, guys? What matches the Flophouse brand? What do you like in a restaurant? What I like in a restaurant?

You go into a restaurant. What I like in a restaurant is a lot of dark woods and brass all over the place, and old newspapers on the wall, but I don't know if that fits the Flophouse theme. I'm an aging person whose hearing is getting worse. What I like in a restaurant often is sound baffling. Oh yeah.

And a minimum of- A lot of tapestries on the walls to absorb the sound. Loud music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And rushes on the floor to absorb sound. Yeah, yeah, rushes. So I think, Mike, the two kinds of restaurants I really like are either ones with a lot of dark woods and brass everywhere, or ones that are kind of like

countertops, like real, you know, diner metal chairs, things like that. I don't know if there's a way that, I guess I just contain multitudes, you know, but I don't know if either of those is the right for the Fluff House, either a diner or a steakhouse, essentially. Charlene, as our expert here

Dark woods and brass and stuff. Is that in our budget? One or the other dark wood or brass Everything's brass Can we do do like like the rest of Rainforest Cafe and have like fountains? How much money do we have? Yeah, I think we can fund the budget. I was just asking you to fund the budget, now you're asking him what the budget is.

Because I got excited about making a Rainforest Cafe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So did you guys ever go to the Rainforest Cafe? Yes, my mother briefly owned stock in the Rainforest Cafe. She liked it so much. Wow. Yeah, she invested in owned stock in the Rainforest Cafe. She really Yeah, she get out before the crash. I don't Yeah, was she on the board of directors? It's the richie, but she lost it we lost everything and that's why we lived under a bridge for a certain amount of time Yeah, yeah, I've never been I went to prom wearing a barrel

What what's what's the whole deal there at a rainforest cafe? It's like you're eating in a rainforest. There's some animatronics. Sounds like rain. Yeah, but are you eating jungle animals? It's like a mist at one point, right? It's like hamburgers and salad, the same kind of stuff you get at any sort of restaurant. It's not really about the food. It's more about looking at stuff.

Oh, yeah. It's like a hard rock cafe, but with rainforest instead of rocks. I'm really glad that you brought up hard rock cafe. Or Planet Hollywood, if instead of movies, it was nature. Yeah. I'm really glad we're talking about Planet Hollywood and hard rock cafe, because I really feel like this is where the Flophouse

bar and grill needs to go, the direction we need to go. We need- So we need memorabilia is what you're saying. So we need like cases of like the underpants that you guys wore to your last live show. Yes. Hinterland's bar already has a lot of flop house memorabilia on the walls.

That's kind of true. Hinterland's has kind of become the plan of Hollywood for the flop house. When my parents came to town and we stopped briefly in at Hinterland's, I basically just like went around around and pointed to the walls where there were podcast posters. I'm like, look, that's my name.

Okay, let's go. And now you don't have to bring them to your apartment. Exactly. See how convenient that is? Dan, was it weird for them to eat? Was it weird for them to have a drink in a bar that was not patronized by a fictional British detective? So some backstory to this. In England, in Oxford, I did a presentation

partly about what big Anglophiles my parents are and how my mom, when she was, they go to Oxford all the time, not all the time, but they've been there several times, and they're like, you should go to this pub. This is where Inspector Morse drinks. I'm like, okay, great. Fictional detective.

Yeah, did you see his ass? I did not see a fictional detective, Inspector Morse, or Inspector Lewis for that matter, not either of them. Or their asses, yeah. No. Okay, so I think we know we want to do that kind of a thing. That kind of a thing.

I swear I was clear about this with mine. You were. That thing, that thing, that thing. So cases of memorabilia. Could be flop house memorabilia, could be bad movie memorabilia. I also want to get- The Theodore Rex costume, you know. This is going to be a little bit, well we haven't even done an episode on Theodore Rex, so that would be kind of wild, but that's fine. Then the Brown's costume. I don't know. It's aspirational. Thank you. Well, we would get the fucking kind of wild, but that's fine. Then the Browns costume. It's aspirational.

Thank you. Well, we would get the fucking bust of John Voight from Bratz. Yeah. That's the obvious piece of memorabilia. Do we have like a, oh, I forgot what it's called, you know, like what baseball team, a mascot, like a Grimace? Yeah, do we have a Grimace, guys? Yeah, I think Grimace is considered the mascot of McDonald's.

He's the first one you think of. The Flophouse has a mascot. It's called the Flophouse Housecat. Okay. So, of course, there would be a guy dressed up as the Flophouse Housecat and he'd be riding on the half pipe inside the restaurant. Or... And occasionally go over, hug little kids,

like also give uncomfortably long hugs to any young women that are there and we'll have to tell them to please stop doing that. Yeah. Or we could have... cat dressed like a man. Okay, I'm actually into this too. Yeah, so like a real cat. Like a real cat, but dressed like a man. I feel like this.

So like pants with a hole for his tail to stick through? Yes. And like a shirt? Yes. A button up shirt. A tie? I mean it depends on like what our theme night is, like if we're having a Hawaiian night.

Oh, so he changes outfits. So that's our version of the Bob's Burger specials, is what outfit the cat is wearing. Can we have three animatronics, like one of each of us, and we sing songs like yeah Recreating Chuck E Cheese this conversion evolution. It's just a flop house version of Chuck E Cheese Chuckie yeah, that's the way of

technology cyclical Yep animatronic bands are gonna come back in a big way ever since they put those animatronic bands are gonna come back in a big way. Ever since they put those animatronic bands into 11 Madison Park, it just proves that all restaurants actually become Chuck E. Cheese. Now I heard that they were doing away with the animatronic stuff from Chuck E. Cheese because they're like kids just want to look at screens. So does that mean we could get those shits for cheap? Oh yeah. People do and they like reprogram them. It's like a whole like weird hobby.

I mean I say weird. Yeah, it's like a whole weird hobby. I mean, I say weird, if I had the space. Very judgy, Dan. For God's sake, if I, heaven knows, if I was the sort of person who had all the money in space, out in the garage, I would have a weird animatronic robot that sang. And Audrey's like, you keep mentioning this friend that I've never met, and Dan's like, uh, me and Chuckie are always hanging out. I can hear the friend talking to you in the other room,

but when I open the door, there's no one, there's just a curtain, I don't understand. You keep saying something about you won't follow its directions to kill, but it's making me nervous. Dan, I'm going to set aside the fact that when you said, if I had all the money in space, I thought you said all the money in space,

and I wanted to be like, Dan, I hate to break it to you, there's no money in space Minerals out there that are worth something meteors and shit It's an alien resources, but it's not like you can you have to burn mine those bring them back Yeah, like points you just never crack on lopen and find change inside But I think people like a lot of astronauts pockets while they're yeah That's true. That's actually really good. Don't know why I'm still fair loading when they go on the moon, it falls out of their pockets because the moon is famously full of heavy gravity.

Yeah. No, they're just floating around. I'm willing to bet that nobody is carrying small change in space. Okay. But I think they are giving them a... Well, you're at the fucking spaceport and you buy something with your bills. Yeah.

And then they give you change back, and you're like, what the fuck am I gonna do with this? And you're like, am I gonna donate to Troops? I don't know. If it's literally all the money in space, probably you scratch up a couple of bucks. A couple of bucks, okay, but animatronics, let's get back to that.

Okay, we got all the money in space, we could buy those animatronics. But you're at the spaceport, and they give you your change, and you're like holding onto it, and there is a little cup, and it's like donate for the Troops, and you're like, yeah, but are they give you your change and you're like holding on to it And there is a little cup and it's like donate for the troops and you're like, yeah Yeah, but are they really gonna give this money to the troops or they just like it's like and also like I don't I

Guess I approve of the starship troopers fight against the bugs, but I don't appreciate the tactics that they're using, you know Yeah, they're like a little too Nazi like Troopers without supporting the war, you know Your taxes go that's the thing. Yeah, I mean, I just can't vote. And how mad do you think Guinan would be if to get rid of some of that change, someone tipped and change instead of tipping with bills? Would she be mad about that?

Shar, what's your experience of getting tipped and change? I do not care for it. Okay. Have you ever been tipped and changed before? I mean, if I'm tipped like $5.25, that's fine, but if you're giving me like the quarter, then- Here's a question. Start rolling it.

If someone's tipping you, would you rather have $5.25? I mean, sure, I'd rather have $5.25. No, I'm just curious. I'm curious, there's a point at which it's just like, I just don't want the coin, you know? Yeah, leave the coin. Now, would you rather be tipped by one duck the size of a horse, or by 100 horses the size of ducks?

That's actually a good question, Charlie. Oh man, that is a really good question. I feel like, wait, 100 ducks that look like a horse? A hundred, you know what, never mind. The horse is just a change for a big time. A hundred, right? Because it's like a hundred people. It's like a dollar a duck.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but they're just sharing one drink because they're so small. And a hundred straws? What about the turtles? Yeah, but they're just sharing one drink because they're so small. And 100 straws? What about the turtles? I'm just assuming that the more patrons, the more tip. Because no matter how big that duck is, like they're not necessarily gonna tip more on the drink.

But what if it's Scrooge McDuck, he doesn't tip at all. Yeah. The what? Scrooge McDuck, he doesn't tip at all. No, Scrooge McDuck, he'd reach into the tip jar while you weren't looking and pull money. Yeah. And he would be like, everything's so expensive here. Why are they charging so much?

I can make this at home for much less money. Yeah. He'd tip you the moth that comes out of this coin purse. Tell Tigger, don't let in Scrooge McDuck. Write that down. Yeah, I'll write that down. That's good advice. That's good advice, yeah. Is Tigger going to have a list?

It says, do not let his duck in. Do not serve. You should have that at either Hinterlands or at a... Do not serve with a Scrooge McDuck. Do not serve with a Scrooge McDuck behind the bar, yeah. So, now that we have a kind of understanding as to what our vibe is going to be like, let's talk cuisine. Okay?

Okay. I know we're mainly a bar first, but as I mentioned, it's bar and grill. And you know what? Every place needs a little bit of food. You need nibbles these days. I'm going to go out on a limb and I'm going to say French fries. Okay, so we definitely have to have French fries. So what kind of food do you like to eat in a restaurant, Charlene?

What plain? Plain, okay. Just regular. Regular. Something plain and regular. Okay. So you eat the same way that my five-year-old eats. Uh-huh.

Sure. So here's the only issue with french fries. I think french fries, great, except if we're gonna have french cooking, we're gonna need a french chef. That means having a guy with a rat in his hair. And I don't want a guy with a rat in his hair in the kitchen. French toast.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, so it all came around. All right, no french fries. What's the highest profit margin on? Like, I don't know. Popcorn? You just sold some saltines or something saltines like oh like like

What's the what's the bar that bar that is or lays? Yes, where they serve? Yeah, they serve like a sleeve of saltines all things for sliced onions and some beer cheese. Yeah, do they have beer cheese? Yeah, yeah, it's like it's like horseradish, beer, and cheese blended in a beer stock. Their slogan is, you're going to smell when you leave. Hey, it's been working. They've been open for a hundred and sixty years or something. No, wait, actually, wait. They don't do that.

They do slices of cheddar cheese and then they do just their mustard, right? Their super spicy mustard. Yeah. I mean, if you get away with just serving slices of mild cheddar cheese and then they do just their mustard, right? Their super spicy mustard. Yeah. I mean, if they get away with just serving slices of mild cheddar cheese and really up charging that, that will make a lot of money off of it, yeah. What about the bathrooms? Okay, we haven't talked about, we've talked about vats.

If we're feeding people only cheese, I feel like we might have a bathroom situation. So we're gonna need a bathroom attendant, right? Oh yeah, of course. I mean that could be Rabbit's job. And a wiper. That could be, that does feel like Rabbit's job, yeah. Or Eeyore.

Eeyore seems like he would put up with being a bathroom attendant. Yeah. Yeah, you got to go, you got to ice up those urinals, right? Now why do they ice up those urinals? Sure, why do they ice up urinals? I have no idea. I think it's because it looks cool. It definitely, I mean, it is, I can't speak for you guys.

Does it help the smell? There is something very satisfying about shooting a hot stream of urine at ice and watching it melt. It is satisfying. It feels like you have some control over the world and power over reality. Maybe it's just to... You're unleashing the basic forces of physics through your penis. My superpower is that I can melt things with my urine.

I have a theory. I think it's to give you guys something to aim at so that you're not pissing all over the floor. They definitely do that. They put those like fly decals into urinals so you can aim at it. And I don't like that, because I don't want to be peeing on a fly

that seems cruel, you know? But it's not a real fly. No, but still. They'll like catch a fly and stick it on It's like when you go to a shooting shooting range and they're like do you want like a blank? Target to shoot at or this giant fly creature and you're like give me the blank one I don't want to shoot this fly hurt that innocent fly creature this Jeff Goldblum fly creature. Yeah, that would be a pretty niche Like shooting shooting gallery target.

Yeah, I think you would, that's true. Not a lot of people are going and asking for the man fly. Although I feel like that's a pretty appropriate, like you don't have to feel bad for doing it, right? Cause he's a monster at this point. Well, I mean, I wouldn't say, it's more that he wants to be put out of his misery at that point.

Yeah, that's true, that's true. He's asking when you're helping, as opposed to the hoodlum targets, which I don't like so much. Yeah, those or yeah, or former presidents or all the other horrible shit that people. Yeah. Or the one where it's like Lady Liberty holding a baby.

I don't want to shoot at that. Don't give me that as a target in the shooting range. Yeah, that feels weird. That feels weird. I mean, honestly, it's very weird that anyone at a shooting range would pick that one. Or that one where Barney Rubble is holding a box cutter to Wilma's neck,

and you're like, what the fuck? I gotta shoot my best friend? Yeah, it's a tragic situation. I somehow find that more upsetting than if it was porn depicting Barney Rubble. Okay, so let's get back to food, everybody. So we're talking, are we gonna be one of those places that gives you a free pizza every time you order a beer? Every time?

What am I made of money? How big is this pizza? Pizza is a loss leader at this point. Heavy loss leader. No. So if it's the Flophouse restaurant, obviously we should throw in some of our favorites. So like Dan's boy bait would be in the dessert menu.

Elliot's fried chicken. Yeah. What would we call Elliot's fried chicken? Would it be like Elliot's finger licking fried chicken dinner? I think you got it. Yeah. Wow, I know Scott did that. I just did it right out.

Do we offer a prize for whoever can get their bones the cleanest? Yeah. Yeah, wait, do they get a free meal? They clean that shit? Yeah, yeah. You call it like Elliot's bone crunching, gristle sucking fried chicken. Yeah. And of course we'll sell Stewart's plastic tubs of nuts and fruit.

I mean, you need to have fucking Appies, right? You want some Appies. Yeah, you want a great app when you're out drinking just a tub of nuts and chopped fruit. You want a smoothie outside of the... Raw, roasted almonds. You want to drink it out of this takeout container? Yeah, yeah, well yeah, drinking everything the bear style out of a giant plastic

cork container. Dan, I think maybe, are you bringing fresh baked bread to the restaurant bar? I guess I gotta. Yeah. I guess I'm committed now. Yeah, I mean, I feel like baked goods is a key component. Yeah, what kind of baked goods are you serving? Kind of like, what, Parker rolls or something? Oh, those are good. Parker rolls, Peter Parker like what Parker rolls or something or? Rolls Peter Parker rolls Responsibility yeah, have you made Parker Brothers rolls before? Spinner on the top so you can tell me how many of them you're gonna eat. Yeah, I'll sell my famous zucchini bread as eaten by John

Stewart and I'll say yeah Wow Not this piece not Not this piece. Other past zucchini bread. This zucchini bread's great grandfather was eaten by John Stewart. Yeah. What food am I known for eating? Yeah, what food are you known for eating? I don't think I'm known for eating a food.

Outside of bread? Oh yeah, bread. Not a lot of people are known. Plain noodles with a little bit of butter? It has a song already. Yeah, there's already a song. Not a lot of people are known for eating specific foods. I have fried chicken, the Ninja Turtles have pizza. Oh, they're known for eating pizza? But they're turtles.

Turtles don't eat pizza. Yeah, you must be mistaken. They eat like lettuce. You're right, I forgot. You're right, the Ninja Turtles are famous for eating lettuce. Also, ninjas are not known for eating Italian food, right? I mean, I eat like lettuce. You're right, I forgot. You're right, the Ninja Turtles are famous for eating lettuce. Also, Ninjas are not known for eating Italian food, right?

They're also not known for being turtles. Or mutants. Or teens, for that matter. I mean, some Ninjas probably were teens, but by and large... You'd have to be the Mozart of being a Ninja to be that good as a teen. And I'm more of a Sally-ary of being a ninja. Yeah, you work hard but you just can't get it done. Yeah, but I'm a fucking A plus hater.

So, now that we've decided on the menu, that we finalized our menu, no questions asked, the bear get the fuck out of here. It's time for us to do one final pass on our cocktail menu. And now normally when when you might think, let's be like super mixologists and sit down and carefully measure everything and come up with some originals.

That's bullshit. Let's just do riffs on classics, okay? We're going to take some classic cocktails and just rename them. Dan Hatton. Dan Hatton, you already did. Dan Hatton's even better than, I was going to suggest the Dr. Manhattan,

which is a Manhattan that Dan dips his penis into. After a Mayday hit balloon. So like if we were to put- After a Mayday hit balloon, yeah. If we were to put a daiquiri on the menu, what would we call the Flophouse official daiquiri? The snackery and it's got chips in it? Okay, that's not bad.

The Dac shepardery and it's... Was Mariel Hemingway ever in one of our bad movies? It could be the Mariel Hemingway daiquiri, but I don't think we covered any of her work. Okay, let's put a pin in daiquiri. What about a Bloody Mary? What will the Flophouse Bloody Mary be and what additional garnish will we throw on top of it? An entire roast pheasant? Probably an entire roast pheasant. Yeah, that sounds good. I would like to, just a crossword,

I'd call it the Bloody Harry as a tie-in with my character Maniac Harry from the Maniac of the Year. Oh yeah, there you go. You wrote a comic book? I did. Although if it's called Bloody Harry, people will think it's about,

it's that it's Debbie Harry as a serial killer, which would be cool, but it's not Flophouse related. And also like, you might get worried that people will think there's hair in the cocktail. Yeah, Bloody Harry wouldn't sound very good. So maybe it's just like a long, maybe it's like a long garlic bread just stuffed into it. That's the garnish.

I was thinking There will be Bloody Mary. Oh I know movie you guys what about his bloody manky? Oh Yeah In the bloody manky that's a good question something that is pretending to be much younger than it actually is. Like a pickle? That's pretty good. Okay.

We got a couple more and we're going to wrap this up. This menu is coming together. We have a Dan Hatton. We have a bloody manky. What about a grasshopper? Shar, can you describe a grasshopper to Elliot who's never drank one before? No.

Grasshopper is made with white creme de cacao and green creme de menthe. Oh, that's where the grasshopper part comes in. Yes. That's, those are the flavor. It's minty and sweet and creamy. Flavor profile, yes. Sweet and creamy like a grasshopper.

Yes, exactly. I only like a grasshopper. Yeah I only know the grasshoppers from the joke about them. So it is good to know what's actually in it What's the joke that a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says we got a drink here named after you and the Grasshopper goes to really got a drink named Murray. Oh Yeah, it's an old joke. Yeah So maybe I think hermits one and Muppet movie too Okay It's a joke, yeah. So maybe we'll just call it Murray. And I think Kermit orders one in a Muppet movie too. Okay. Okay, Art, so- So we're talking about a minty creamy cocktail.

What is minty creamy and Flophouse related? The house hopper? Okay. Or like- The grass houser. Or like the coal houser. Like a Kermit the a coal house like a Kermit the Frog or something permit the frog is green and minty Presume you know the brushes you'll have to ask you piggy to find out yeah

And if he has teeth it would be very alarming because he is a frog. That's yeah they don't have them usually. A felt frog. Grasshoppers have teeth? No. They do? They do like mandibles or some shit. So we've decided it's called the what Kermit the Frog? Hopper. Kermit the Frog or something. Yeah. And our final cocktail you gotta have a hot cocktail you need a hot drink these days let's do a play on an Irish coffee. Okay. So that's a coffee with a shamrock shape poured into it, right? Well, yep, and in this case, I'm gonna suggest we tip our hat to a little movie starring Jamie Dornan, and we throw a little bit of honey in there.

Okay, sure. Oh, because he was a bee. And some thyme. And a sprig of thy in there. Okay. Oh, because he was a bee. And some thyme. And a sprig of thyme. Only wild thyme from the mountain. And we call it the wild mountain thyme. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh man, we nailed it. Okay. So I feel like this is a pretty good meeting. I've already taken money out of your accounts to pay for this meeting. Okay. I'll be talking to my bank about that. And to pay for our bar expert. Speaking of bar expert, Charlene,

do you have anything you would like to promote? Depending on when this comes out, we have our Pride party. It's actually coming. Yeah, it will already have passed. We had our Pride party and it was awesome. Yeah, that's what I like to hear. But, you know, come to Minnie's, come to Hinterland's, Stuart won't be there. Maybe.

Probably not. Okay, so this has been a Flophouse Minnie. You heard some ideas. You cannot steal them. They are all legally our ideas. We'll be back next week talking about a movie of some type. Kind of like what we did today, but more focusing on the movie. And less talking about restaurant

ideas and mall activities. Slightly less completely chaotic. Okay. I take that as a compliment, Dan. So for the Flophouse, this is for the Flophouse, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Podcast Network where you can hear plenty of other good podcasts. And this specific podcast has been produced by Alexander Smith, who does a great job. You can find him as Howl Dottie on various social media, and I believe he has a new album

out. But for the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Elliot Cailin. I've been Charlene Wellington. Okay, bye. Bye. Okay, bye! Bye!