The Flop House - FH Mini 116 – The Definitive Action Hero Ranking Pt. 1

Episode Date: November 16, 2024

Stuart uses the scientific and not-at-all random method that he perfected in his rankings of horror movie villains to help us determine the ultimate movie action hero.We’re in season 2 of FlopTV! Tune in for individual episodes, or get a price break with a season pass! Full line-up/tickets here! And while you’re clicking on stuff, subscribe to our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets!”For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get $45 off Aura’s best-selling Carver Mat frames by using promo code FLOP at checkout.

Hi, Floppers. Before we start this episode, I just wanted to remind you we are in the middle of FlopTV Season 2. That's right, the one-hour internet televised Flophouse TV show is here for you the first Saturday of every month through February. Just go to theflophouse.simpleTix.com and get your tickets or season pass for this all-new Flophouse TV stuff. For covering movies we've never covered before, we've got video segments, it's amazing. Just go to theflophouse.simpleTix.com for FlopTV Season 2. This time, it's personal. Hey, hey! This is the Flophouse Mini. My name is Stuart Wellington. I'm one of the hosts of the Flophouse Podcast and I'm joined by my two co-hosts.

They are Dan McCoy and Elliot Kalin. Hey, thanks so much for joining me, guys. Now, here at the Flophouse Podcast, we normally watch a bad movie and talk about it, but on the off weeks for a Flophouse Mini, we kind of do whatever we want. We do silly games, we goof around, we have a lot of laughs. This week, we're deadly serious this week. Now, I do have to preface this with the fact that I wrote this mini and the sequel to this mini before the results of the 2024 election. Yeah. So?

And we're recording it afterwards. I'm going to let people do their own research into that. That's what Dan told me to do. I think something tells me for the next four years we're all gonna be doing our own research for a lot of things. Yeah So that may so I wrote this before but we're recording it after so that may color some of the content interesting Let's find out so From a more innocent time. Yeah

So as I said, this is a deadly serious episode of the podcast. Deadly is important because what we are talking is we are doing the Flophouse official rankings of the best action heroes in cinema history. Okay? Now, in order to qualify, just to be in the running, these are out of the top 20, you need to be a character that has been in multiple movies with one specific exception that is Flophouse related. And I think it's important.

And no character can be represented more than one or no actor can be represented more than once on this list. There is one like kind of edge case that you can argue, but well, we don't have to get in. So both the transporter and Hobbs can't be on the list? That's the one specific thing is that we'll get to it. Oh, that's a good... Elliot read my brain.

Wow. But Elliot scooped out my gray matter and ate it and then knew what I was thinking. Nibbled it on up, yeah. To clarify though, a character could be played by different actors, but different actors cannot be represented more than once other than this mystery case. Except for one edge. Well, Elliot nailed it. The one edge case is that Jason Statham could theoretically be considered to be in this

list twice. Theoretically, okay. Theoretically. Scientists say. It's been hypothesized. As I said, there are 20 on here. That's a lot. So we're going to have to split this mini into two,

otherwise this would be a maxi. We're just doing a mini. It's own franchise. Yep. So we're just going to, this is just a mini. So we're going to split into two with the official rankings at the end. Steven Seagal is the maxi.

So there are going to be some, so this list of 20 was compiled by me, Stuart Wellington, movie expert, okay? If somebody is not included in here, it is either my choice or if it's something that actually upsets you, it was Dan's choice. I'll just take it. Once again, Elliot comes out smelling like a rose.

So we are going to do the first 10 and then next mini we're going to do the second ten and then there's going to be a final resolution. Now eagle-eared listeners will say, hey, this sounds- Eagles are known for their ears? Mm-hmm, they are. These eagle-eared listeners will be like, hey, this sounds a lot like the top 20 horror villains of all time list that you did before. It is similar, except there is going to be

one specific difference, which is, I am not putting in my rankings. I've already written my rankings down on a secret ballot, okay? So we won't know the final tally until the very end of the second episode. Seems like subverting democracy is a trend these days. That's me.

It's mainly to keep our listeners in suspense. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, again, after we determine the hero or heroine or heroes in question, we will then judge them on three categories. Radness, how cool they are, how fun they are, how their clothes look, you know,

if they have quippy, one liners, whatever. Attitude, baditude, you know. Second is badness. That's how tough they are, what their body count is, how effective they are at being an action hero. Yeah, but it doesn't contain baditude, which is part of radness. Which is part of radness.

Thank you. Yeah, that's a very important, thank you for asking that important question. And then the final third category, of course, Lucky Dip. That's where we randomly roll and the game gets a little bit crazy. Eagle-Eared listeners will remember in the horror movie Villains 1,

it led to some kind of interesting results. It really sank the xenomorph. Yeah, the xenomorph. It seemed to be headed for number one until that lucky dip turned into an unlucky slip. Yeah, thank you. I was looking at the Flophouse subreddit and some listeners were very upset

about the results there. I think one zonomorph was very unhappy. People on Reddit were upset? Yeah. Don't worry Dan, they're gonna be a lot happier from now on. Dan. Yeah. Just kidding, they're never happy. Since Dan is our maniacal game master,

he's going to be rolling the 20-sided die for these results. I'm gonna pass you the die roll. I'm very excited to have a job. Okay, so you have a job, Dan. So let's pick our first hero. That's an eight. Okay, this one's this one's classic. OK, we got Jason Bourne.

You might know him from the movies The Bourne Identity and Supremacy. And the Ultimatum, right? The Bourne Ultimatum. But not the Bourne Legacy. That was a different guy, right? Or was it not called like that? It's a different actor. Is that still Jason Bourne? No, no, no. Legacy is a different character, a different actor. That's a different character from who was Or was it not called like that? It's a different actor. Is that still Jason Bourne? No, no, no. Legacy is a different character, different actor.

A different character who was in the same program or something like that? Yes. Yeah, that would make sense. Okay. So they should have called the Bourne Classmate. Yeah. Okay. So speaking of the Bourne Classmate, we're talking about Jason Bourne here.

The Bourne identity kind of changed the look of action movies for a while, at least big budget action movies. So where do we rank Jason Bourne in radness? Here's the thing. He has a certain amount of, for me, he has a certain amount of radness by being a man of mystery, a know, few like contained action, but every action is important. But like, he's mostly not like, you know,

a cool action hero. His deal is like, he is trying to figure out what his deal is, you know? And so- Aren't we all? Yeah, that's the thing. So I think I'm gonna- Ich bin ein Born Linner. Yeah. Well, Alex edited that out, it's the thing. So I think I'm going to... Eichmann ein Born Linner.

Well, Alex edited that out. It was too funny. As much as I like three out of four of the Jason Bourne movies, I will give him only a three in this particular category. Okay, we got a three from Dan. Where's he ranking for you, Elliot? I was actually, I thought I was gonna be the harsh one. I was gonna give him a four for a similar reason that I feel like he is, it's a cool premise for a movie,

but he as a character is not a cool character. I don't think people fantasize about having it being, not knowing your past and being chased for no reason that you can fully understand. People fantasize about discovering that they're actually killing machines, but. Yeah, I mean, I kind of fantasize about not having regrets or anything.

No, but he's full of regrets. He's a very unhappy character. And whereas I feel like John Wick, who I'm sure we'll be talking about at some point, is unhappy but in a romantic, almost like German romanticism way. I feel like Jason Bourne is unhappy in a like, too real. Too real, unhappy way.

So I'm going to give him a four, actually. Because he can kill someone with a, I mean, I guess this goes into badness, though. He can hurt someone with a rolled up magazine, you know. I forgot about that. Yeah. Was that someone, a spider or maybe a human dog? I mean, we all had that power.

We can all hurt, yeah, a spider with a little thing. It was a puppy dog's nose after it had gone on the carpet. Yeah. Okay, speaking of that, let's talk about badness. How much of a killer is this guy? How bad is this dude? Yeah, I'm going to... He is a bad dude. This is where he is going to excel because he has so many skills that he doesn't even

know how many skills he has. I'm going to give him- He doesn't have a particular set of skills. He might have all the skills. No. Yeah. I'm going to give him a nine in this. I'm going to go high. Oh, good. That's a big score.

I'm going to do the same. I'm also going to give him a nine for that same reason that he is unstoppable. You know, he's just at, his body count is not enormous, but it's the fact that his, but his ratio, his hitting average is very high. Yeah, he's an action shark.

He never stops. And not a lot of collateral damage. No, that's true. That's a good point. A lot of these guys, they are blowing up buildings. There's a lot of bystanders get hurt. No, he is targeted. So if anything, he's the most community minded of the

action heroes, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's, yeah, he's an efficient killing machine in a way like a big part of his, his like radness comes from the way other people talk about it. Yes. Oh, fuck this dude. Yeah. Okay. It reminds me of it. Right. Sorry, just to slow it down for a second unnecessarily. It reminds me of a story that Orson Welles tells in the book, This is Orson Welles, where he talks about this play called Mr. Wong or Mr. Woo or something like that, and he goes, it's the greatest part you can have, because the whole first act,

everyone's just going, so have you heard about this character? Have you heard about this mysterious gentleman? Where do you think he is right now? And at the end they say, Mr. Woo is arriving, and there's a big entrance with lots of drama and the actor walks in, curtain, first act over, and he says, it's the greatest role, because you get huge applause for doing nothing

in the first act. Yeah. It's like Fortinbras, right guys? Yeah, Fortinbras is just like that. When he shows up, the audience goes nuts, because they've been hearing about him all play. This guy! Oh shit, he's here.

Dan, somebody wake up. Oh. I mean, I have to say, I played, so in college, I played Picasso in the play Picasso at the La Pana Gilles, which is a 90 minute play. Similarly, great role for the same reason, yeah. He comes in about like a third of the way through maybe, and prior to that, everyone's talking about like,

what a real cool fuck machine this Picasso is. And it made me feel like I was never going to be able to pull this off when I made the entrance. No, you did it, you did it. You should have, if only you got to play Elvis in that play. Elvis is the real plum roll, because he's barely in it. Yeah. So Dan, why don't you roll for our lucky dip category.

This is, this might make or break old JCB. It's a 17. OK. This man. This is a fucking good role for him. How likely on a scale of one to 10 is Jason Bourne going to win gold in an Olympic category? Oh, that's a 10, right? Yeah, that's a 10. He's especially like biathlon or something.

Yeah, even fucking. I bet if he 10. Yeah, that's a 10. Especially if it's like biathlon or something. He nailed it. Even fucking, I bet if he fucking did breakdancing, he would kill it. For sure. I didn't even know I could do this. Yeah, and like put on like a fucking Apex Twin song or whatever, what was the fucking, he was like the fucking Chemical Brothers or some shit?

Who's making all the music for those tunes? Apex Twin. Yeah, just like. Tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch tch t Apex Twins. Just like... Alex, throw in some Apex Twins sounds. But not so much that we have to pay for it. No, please don't. Okay, yeah. All the break dancers throwing on Depeche Mode and stuff like that. Just going nuts to it.

Yeah. Okay, so 10s across the board. Man, he crushed it. JCB, not bad. He's going to be way higher in the rankings than I would actually put him if you asked me to rank my favorite action heroes. Okay, well, maybe this is more than anything.

I mean, obviously this is Deadly Series. We need to come up with a firm ranking, but it's really like, it's kind of here to make you a question and think about things. Yeah. Think about cinema. Yeah, take on a journey. Game, why don't you a question and think about things. Yeah. Think about cinema. Yeah. Take on a journey. James, why don't you roll us our next action hero? Oh, that's another eight.

That's fine. I will go up to the next one. OK. Guys, Mr. Indiana Jones. Oh, man. Indiana Jones. My guy. He's a guy. Oh, boy. He is that. Oh, boy. Boy, is he's a guy. Oh boy. He is that. Oh boy. He's the Ever-Aid Man. You might know him from such movies as Raiders of the Lost Ark, Temple of Doom, Crystal Skull,

Last Crusade, and Dial-O-Destiny? I still haven't seen that one. Yeah, that's called Dial-O-Destiny. I haven't seen that one yet. He was also in a bunch of comics, stuff like that, but we're focusing on movies. He has his own TV show, The Young that. But we're focusing on movies. TV show, the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. TV show, okay, so, yeah, we got some movies here.

What do we think? Where does he fall under radness? I think he's gonna do pretty well on that. Yeah, I think so. I mean, do you want me to go first or no? Yeah, you go first this time, because I wanna see where you're gonna go. He gets a 10, come on.

He can wield a whip, he can punch a Nazi, he can also teach an archeology class. This guy, because you know what the sexiest part of a guy is? His brain. And also if you look like Harrison Ford, double sexy. Yeah. Yeah, I think you've convinced me to go actually a little higher than I was going to go in radness.

Here's what I thought initially was gonna take the radness down, is that one of the things I like about Indiana Jones is he's not like an unstoppable machine. He is not, I guess that's bad. I think that falls under badness. But that's the thing I like about him. He's like Beyonce, he's showing you the work. He's showing you that he's working hard.

If he gets hit, you can tell it hurt him. He gets tired. Like some of the best moments are him being like, oh God, I got to deal with this shit now. Like, so, but, but I, you know, he's got the whip. He's got the hat, cool, leather jacket. He yeah, he's Harrison Ford. You can't do much better than that. I'm going to give him a nine.

Big scores. Okay. Now let's talk about badness. You got something that needs action. Are you going to call Indiana champ? So here's what I'm going to say about that, is this is going to be a hard one for me to parse because so often when we think action, we think fighting.

And as a fighter, he is not great. I would give him like a five or even a four at times But what you're thinking action in terms of stunts, then I would give him a nine So I'm going to I'm gonna balance it out and I'm gonna say like us like a seven I think it's not super tough. He's just never he's I mean he's tough in that he can take punches But he's not super tough and that he's not Jack Reacher. who's just grabbing people's heads and smashing them in his palms. Yeah Yeah, I yeah because he is like a bad penny. He always turns up. I I will give him an eight He is an energizer bunny of an action hero

Like part of the thing is like he is committed to doing what he's doing Yeah, and he's got a pretty good hit rate. Yeah I feel like all our it it's not like, like, he won all his movies. This guy loses every single time. I think he is a guy who often, he is often the, he is often the, as much as he has bad luck, he's often the recipient of good luck. When he's fighting that Nazi in Raiders of the Lost Ark,

that he doesn't, he doesn't beat that Nazi. The plane propeller beats that Nazi. Like in Temple of Doom, there are a number of parts where it's like the environment is really helping him out in these things. Like in the beginning of Raiders, it's like he doesn't get that idol from Alfred Molina. Alfred Molina is killed by a bunch of spikes.

You know, he gets luck on his side. Well, similarly, I would say that he has a good hit rate in that, yeah, he survives and the villains don't. But it's always kind of a mixed decision when it comes to how it personally works out for Professor Henry Indiana Jones. If you see that first movie, again, not to just keep going to Raiders, but it's the best one.

If you keep going to it, he does not defeat the villain. God defeats the villain at the end, or rather the angel of death does. Like he's a guy who is often in the wrong place for a while and then ends up being in the right place at the exact right moment. So that's why he takes a hit on bad, but at the same time, if you need someone

to jump across a chasm, he can usually do it. He's one of your top guys. But at the same time, if you need someone to jump across a chasm, he can usually do it. You're one of your top guys. Yeah. Dan, give me a lucky dip roll for all Indiana Jones here. That's a five. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Guys, on a scale of one to ten, you go out to brunch with a bunch of friends,

including Indiana Jones. The waiter hands him the bill, how likely is he to be able to handle this complicated brunch tab? Here's where I feel like it's gonna fall down a little bit. I think that, you know, he's a smart guy. He's a professor. So certainly the actual like act is not gonna, you know, gonna flummox him,

but I think that there's a certain amount of the actual Harrison Ford grumpiness in there, impatience, so I'm gonna give him a six. I don't think he's gonna wanna do it. Oh, see, this is where you and I, we're thinking the same way, but we're coming to different conclusions. I'm gonna give him a nine on this

because I think he's going to look at it. He's going to start doing that math. He's used to doing some kinds of math because he has to calculate the age of various artifacts. He's going to get flummox and he's going to go screw it and just throw down a bunch of money and say, let's get out of here. He's going to pay the bill rather than do the math.

I think. He will cut the Gordian knot in a similar way that he shoots the swordsman is what you're saying. And do you want to be with the guy who's able to do the math or do you want to be the guy who's with the guy who's going to pay for brunch because he doesn't want to do the math? That's a good point. Okay, doing well so far. Let's do numbers our third hero, Dan Roll the Die. That's a 13.

13. Uh-oh, we are in the John territory. It could be any number of Johns, yeah. There's many Johns. And we have the aforementioned John Wick. Mr. Keanu Reeves. You might know him from such movies as John Wick, John Wick 4, John Wick 3, John Wick 2. It's true. I do know him from all of them.

That's the proper order to watch them in. John Wick, how does he rank in terms of radness? I mean, look, he's got to rank high in terms of radness. The only thing that cuts him down a little bit is there's a lot of sadness in there too. He's motivated by sadness, which slightly cuts the radness, but he looks so cool. He looks very cool. He's got the suit. He can do whatever.

It's kind of like the beard and hair combo that just, like it doesn't work on everybody, but it works for him. Sure works on a very handsome man like Keanu Reeves. I'm going to give him a nine for radness. I'm going to go a little lower. I'm going to give him a seven for radness because I think gonna go a little lower. I'm gonna give him a seven for redness because I think it's easy to mix up his redness and his badness.

And I feel like the suit looks great. The whole look looks great. But personality wise, again, he's not a guy I wanna be. Like he doesn't, he's cool to me in that like, this guy's always in control. But again, he's super sad all the time. And I'm sad enough in my real life. Like I don't, it doesn't make me cool that my family tells me that.

So I'm going to give him a seven just because it's hard to... You look at him and he's so cool to look at, but the more you spend time with him, I feel like the less cool he seems and the more kind of just sad and mopey. Also, I got to say, I think for me, he loses a little bit of points in the coolness category because knowing that that suit is bulletproof or some bullshit, I fucking hate it. I forgot about that. Yeah. That's right. Yeah.

And it's bulletproof in the way that he can be shot a million times and you never see any indication that bullets are even hitting the bulletproof suit. It sounds bruised by it. Or the suit doesn't even move. It's not like you're bruised by it. Well, like the suit doesn't even move Yeah, just like whatever not not a fan of that shit Creators of the John wick universe Okay, but I think where I think he's gonna do pretty good in this next category and that's badness How killy is this guy? Yeah, I mean I might have to like even above my beloved Indiana Jones. I have to give him high marks for badness.

I think it's a 10, because he is Baba Yaga. He is feared by criminals and anyone. He's filled by, he's feared by the world. And there's always like a bounty on him, and all these dudes are like, you know what? I'm gonna be the one to take him out. Yeah, they're always wrong. I'm gonna give him a nine, I'm gonna dock be the one to take them out. Yeah, they're they're always wrong. I'm going to give them a nine.

I'm going to dock a point because of that bulletproof suit, which I forget about, because it is less less impressive to me to kill all these people when they can't hurt you the same way. But but you got it. I mean, he's so good at killing people in different ways. Aiming for the head. It seems like a very simple. Was he's aiming at everyone's head like twice.

Well, that's what makes him so good. That's what makes him a professional. You know. He figured out the cheat code. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to give him a nine because he's certainly, you know, he's unstoppable. Yeah.

He's doing well, but let's see how lucky dip treats our boy, John Wick. It's a seven. Ooh. Okay. He's going to struggle here, I think. How likely is John Wick going to give a friend good dating advice?

Ooh, I'm gonna give a zero. What? What? Uh, okay. I'm like a little bit of your thinking on this. I mean, I just, but because to me, look, he's been out of the scene for a while, certainly. Long time, long time.

He was first, he was married, and then he was consumed by grief. What's the, what's the old person dating app? Like silver sneakers or whatever. But he does seem to have, he does seem to have found a lasting love in his life and has like, that's true. That is dog that that empathy.

He was married. The dog is kind of an extension of his dead wife. Yeah, he was. He was married, but I feel like he got lucky that first time. Look at this guy. He's morose. He's very quiet. Yeah, he has the weight of a thousand murdered souls on his heart. I think he found a woman who was who was ready to help him through that

But if he but if you I was like, hey, I like this girl. I'm gonna go on a date with her I think like like stare into her soul and Show her the pain in your heart see if she doesn't run away and I'd be like, uh, I don't know That's the first impression I want to make John. That's true. But but on the basis of him Having had that relationship, which is the thing that like, you know,'s true. But on the basis of him having had that relationship, which is a thing that, you know, I don't believe in a lot of action movie relationships. This one seems to have been meaningful.

I'll give him a four. Okay. You know, communication is the key and the foundation of any good relationship. Really? How often did you and your wife talk? Not often. Yeah, I'm thinking it's a red flag. We just exchanged puppies.

Ironically, Keanu Reeves and Bill and Ted, I'd give them a much higher grade. Oh, yeah, yeah. That guy knows how to tell you how to show someone a good time. Yeah. Okay, we're doing good. Let's roll our next hero. That's a one.

Oh, heck yeah. And did I say hero? I mean heroes, because we got the Toretto family. You would know them from the Fast and the Fierce. That is one thing. I mean, I feel like we can't parse this team. They're like, if we separate them. The whole team.

It's not. The whole team. Like the family as in the larger sense of like families what's important, not just his family, but the family. Yeah, this is the whole family. The family family not just his family, but the family. Yeah, this is the whole family. The family family, not his family, but the family, yeah. I mean, we can strip it down to the core members, maybe remove like Hobbs and Shaw, I don't know. I feel like you'd have to, right?

Yeah, they're sort of, yeah, I don't know that they ever, I mean, they were at a couple of barbecues, I think, maybe. They're affiliates, yeah. Okay, so break out the coronas, boys. Where we at with Ratitude for the, barbecues I think maybe but. They're affiliates. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so break out the coronas boys. Where we at with Ratitude for the... Elliot, I got a question. How many of the Fast and Furious have you seen?

Not that many because I keep meaning to go back and finally watch them all but I don't want to that badly. Sit down with the boys. Yeah, I don't mean like, of all the people I know, I don't think that you necessarily need to do this. Like, I can't imagine you being like, coming out of it being like, yeah, I don't think that you necessarily need to do this. Like I can't imagine you being like, coming out of it being like, yeah, I had a great time. Well, so there are certain movies where if I go into it,

expecting it to be objectively like kind of good, smart, and then it's dumb, I'm disappointed. But if I go into a movie being like, this is gonna be dumb, then I can enjoy it. And the thing is with the Fast and Furious movies, where the series is now, just from what I picked up from the later entries, which I'm not as familiar with,

I don't know whether, like I feel like I hear people who are like, oh, they're really fun because they're dumb. And then I'll hear people who are like, these are great movies. Like they're great action movies. And I don't know, I'm worried about not knowing what to,

how to frame it in my mind. I feel like Fast Five is the high point, right? Probably. I think that the people who are really into the Fast and the Furious movies have bought into this family framing in a way that I just cannot. To me, I'm like, this is the barest placeholder idea

of we gotta have some heart in this movie that they have thrown over it like a tarp, the whole series. We just mentioned family in every one of it. But I mean I do, I guess there is like, I say that it is kind of like weirdly admirable that we're just gonna keep adding people and they're all coming back.

You know? I love it. So I don't know, so what are we, Ratitude? Sorry, my little head. I can deal with it. Okay, so we are on Ratitude. Where does the Toretto family fall into the category of like coolness?

I think this may say more about our opinions of what's cool or not. I think that's true, because I feel like I'm torn because they are objectively supposed to be very cool, and a lot of people think they're very cool. But there's a layer of like toxic hostile misogyny that I feel like there's like a cloud of that around them. It really stuck out to me

during the Universal Studios tour, the Universal Studios tour where there's a Fast and Furious section of that, which opens with the characters at a club where it's just a couple of the Toretto family characters and just these scantily clad women dancing with them and then a guy walks in with a gun and is like, get out of here ladies, get out of here and they're all like forced at a gun point and I was like, and it made me think of the scenes where there's like a racing meet and there's always women who are just

shaking their butts at the camera and otherwise otherwise are not human being characters. And so I mean, I don't know this get this this maybe I need to see the full the full You know Context in context, it would make more sense, but that's part of like the general like like vibe of like the movies and I guess you can't like Divorce that entirely but that's not necessarily the attitude of like with the heroes and like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're not creeps. They do have a larger number of female action,

they're still wildly overrepresented to be men, but there's like significant women on the team in a way that's not always true. And like Tyrese's character, what's Tyrese? Roman. Roman is kind of portrayed as kind of a horn dog, right? But he's also like, everyone kind of makes fun of him for it. Yeah, he's like a bit of a goober.

This is what, if you're going to spread it over everyone. Yeah, we got to spread it over everyone. You got cool people, you got goobers. And also, they're really obsessed with cars, which a lot of people think is cool, but I don't give a shit about it. So I'm going to give them a six. Yeah, they'll give them a five. I'll give them a five on this one.

Okay, six and a five. Yeah, okay, that's cool. In a way, I feel like a five is fair because it's like, I feel like they're, in general, the design of them isn't particularly cool. They just feel like a mishmash of just like, yeah, everything that's in an action movie, just put them in this team. Yeah, I don't get a sense of a real kind of like clear,

yeah, clear style or look other than a bunch of guys hanging around, guys and women hanging around, which is what they're going for. Yep, so let's talk about badness. How bad is this team? Now, Elliott, if you've only watched the first couple of entries, you would think that their reach

is fairly limited. No, I'm aware of how powerful they get. But now they're going into space and there's lasers. I mean, in terms of badness, I'm going to put them pretty high up because, similar to Indiana Jones, it feels like the universe has warped itself around them to let them do things that otherwise they wouldn't. I'm sure there's got to be one where Vin Diesel catches a car

that's flying through the air, right? Yes, he does. Yeah, so like- Essentially. Yeah, so I'm going to have to give an eight for that because that's pretty bad. To be able to treat a car the way you would a frisbee or a gun or any other kind of handheld object. Yeah as long as they're touching a car

they're safe. It's I've talked about this. It's like that that Hercules villain who like as long as he's touching the ground. Hercules villain. He's got a pretty good rogue's gallery Hercules. Oh yeah what issue of Hercules was that in? This is coming from me who is writing a Hercules comic book. I wouldn't be like, oh yeah, the Sphinx. That's Hercules' arch nemesis. Yeah, that bad guy, the Aegean stables or whatever. It is true that it seems like instead of gunfu, they have carfu.

They can do anything. They can change physics. I don't know, I think I'm still, my personal sort of middling-ness on the series might be. What was your rating score by the way, Illit? Eight, did you say an eight? For which one? I think you did.

For badness. Yeah, I'm gonna go one lower, I'm gonna go seven. Okay, cool. Now let's see what their lucky dip is. They got a lot of members. I feel like spreading their skills out, they're gonna crush this one. Yeah. A one. Yeah.

The 16. Okay. Fitting in a phone booth. Ooh, this one's not going to work so well. I think we actually hit one that's going to be a little bit hard for them. How likely is the Toretto family going to host a good episode of Saturday Night Live?

Oh boy. I think this is hard for them. I feel like this is a hard one for most of the people who are going to be on this list. Well, it depends. They can't all. I mean, the monologue is going to be a mess unless it's just Dom doing it. Yeah, then it will be good. Well, that's the thing.

If we're talking about that's the thing, like between all of, if we're talking about all of the actors, like if you split them all up and just assign them to like where their strengths lie, it might be good. Does Saturday Night Live do that, Dan? Well, they rarely have 17 people on the show. That's what I'm saying, if you can do that,

but if it's the characters of people who are, you know, like these car-based super spies, essentially. Not performers. I'm going to give them a three on this. Ooh, taking some hits on this one. I'm going to give them a three as well, if only because I think it would be a very entertaining episode to watch because I'm imagining them

just tearing apart that show and just wrecking it. It'll be like that Mardi Gras episode of Saturday Night Live they did in the early seasons. But yeah, I don't think it'll be... I don't think Lorne will consider it a successful show. Yeah, I mean considering that most people who are professionals can't host a funny episode of Saturday Night Live... Well, what about Wayne Gretzky? There are other issues beyond the host on that one, you know. Okay, so... Okay, now we got number number we're almost halfway through with this first episode.

All right. We got number five. OK, now we're going all the way back to the wilds of Hyperborea. That's right. Conan the Barbarian. Oh, wow. Conan the Barbarian played on screen by what? Two different actors. We got Arnold Schwarzenegger. Was there was there was and there was what's his name who's in the recent more when we did the Flockhouse Jason Moe and it was Jason Moe. That's right. I feel like was there another one?

Maybe there wasn't. For some reason, I thought there was another, but there were a lot of there were a lot of kind of movies that they kind of would call it. Conan does this, but it wasn't officially a Conan movie. Yeah. Okay. And was he also in Red Sonja? Yeah.

Yeah, he was in Red Sonja, right? I think so. But that's Schwarzenegger, right? I think so, yeah. Yeah, that's Schwarzenegger. Yeah. Yeah. Do you need any help?

No? Okay. So we have Conan the Barbarian, guys. How does he fall under the category of radness? You know, I am less of a fantasy guy than I think either of you. But he does have like, I don't know, a big cool sword and like, like straps on his body and stuff. And you know, I don't like he says cool things like, I don't know, a big cool sword and like, straps on his body and stuff. And you know, I don't like, he says cool things,

like the thing about hearing the lamentations of their women. That's cool. I guess I'll give him an eight. I'll actually get pretty high on this. I've not prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. This is gonna feel hypocritical

after what I said about the misogyny that kind of hovers around the Toretto's since Conan the Barbarian is an explicitly misogynist character, but I'm gonna give him probably a nine because he is, if it, as far as male power fantasies go it's hard to think of a better one. Like where he's, just with his wits and his strong sword arm, he can lay waste to, he can basically do whatever he wants in the world around him. And he wears those furry boots.

He's got the straps as Dan mentioned sometimes. And he's jacked. And he's jacked as all get out, that's true. And he, what, he grew up just pushing a wheel in a circle, the wheel of pain, that's awesome. Well, I think we're getting into badness territory, which I wanna, you know, like- Yeah, yeah, let's get into badness. But I would say, wait, before we get, before we start with badness, I would say, in terms ofness territory, which I want to I would you know, like yeah Yeah, let's get into badness

but I was that way before we get before we start then I say in terms of redness like if you said it setting apart from The movies looking at that character as a as a character It's hard to find a fantasy character that is more influential than than Conan just in the in the molds that it's set for The kinds of characters you would see in those power fantasies. So that's pretty, you gotta be pretty rad to do that. Yeah. Okay, let's move on to badness. How bad is this dude? Yeah, well this is where he shines, I think. He pushed that wheel for so long,

then he just got super jacked. He got super jacked, yeah. Jacked, and then like after that. Somehow he helped his abs pushing that wheel. I mean, you gotta brace your core, dog. You're gonna break your back. As someone who like carried Audrey's new office chair up the stairs the other day and was like... Did you call it the wheel of pain?

I was like, A, I shouldn't have done this alone and B, this required more core strength than I expected. It was like, is my stomach gonna explode? Anyway, I will say. Yeah, that's a hernia, Dan. You don't want that. Did you have any uncontrolled urination? No. Or did you let out any toots? I had some controlled urination. Yeah, he was controlling the urination in bursts so that it would be, nothing would

get broken. I got to admit guys, I was doing a leg day at the gym today and I was doing deadlifts and I had a little accidental toot In the middle of the deadlift. I think that's what happens. Yeah It's the first time it's ever happened mid-lift though before I like braced real hard before squat Anyway, the point is a nine And I'm gonna give him a ten on badness cuz they you know, he lives in a way Doesn't he kill a god and Conan the Destroyer? 10 on badness. Cause he lives in a world of magic. Doesn't he kill a god in Conan the Destroyer?

Yeah, I think so. Like he lives in a world of magic. He does not have magic powers. He just has a sword, again, his strength and his wits. And he lays waste to everything before him. He's wrestling gorillas in the stories. I mean, I'm thinking about the stories, not the movies. But yeah, I'm gonna give it, he's unstoppable.

And he becomes king by his own hand. Yes, he comes from nowhere. He is literally a slave bound to the wheel. And yet through his own strength of will and body, he manages to become King Conan. Yeah, it's hard to hard to beat that. Yeah. OK, let's see how Conan does with his lucky dip. I got a seven. So they didn't get the brunch one. Oh, ooh, actually this one's pretty good for him.

How likely, Conan arrives in ye olde Transylvania. How likely is he to be able to stop a Dracula? Uh, yeah, I would give him a ten. Like you said it, he lives in a world of sorcery. He's familiar with, I think, cryptids. This is a lab role. He'll chop the shit out of this guy. This was an easy one for him.

I mean, I'm going to give him a nine just because Dracula is very powerful, you know? But I imagine every other character on this list, I'm guessing, would face Dracula and be a little bit thrown off and shocked or scared. Whereas for Conan, this is the kind of thing he deals with all the time. Yeah, so I'm gonna give him a... John Wick would not do well against Dracula. We saw what happened.

Yeah, I mean, before I can weigh in here, I'm gonna have to roll up a barbarian character in D&D and then actually do all the roles for the entire Curse of Strahd campaign to see how well he does. But we'll get there. Okay, so we'll get there. Okay, so we're halfway through.

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Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Throughout history, sirens have captured men's attention, enticed men with their feminine wiles, and fulfilled men's primal needs the Sirens allure persists. They have not unless the primal need is I need to be smashed on the rocks. Yeah smash me Smash me mommy. Smash me mama. Smash me mommy The sirens allure. Why do we do this to ourselves?

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There's more of that. So let's get back to the mini. We are again doing a definitive rankings of action heroes. We are down five down. We got five more to go for this episode. And guys, I do humbly request you keep your answers tight. So Dan, why don't you roll up our next hero? It's 10.

We got a 10. Okay, we got Imperator Furiosa from the Mad Max franchise. Ooh, solid. From such movies as Mad Max Fury Roadator Furiosa from the Mad Max franchise. Ooh, solid. From such movies as Mad Max Fury Road and Furiosa. What, a Mad Max story or something? A Mad Max fable? Fable, something like that. I don't know what it is.

Okay, so how does Imperator Furiosa fall under Radness? Radness, this is where she's going to shine. Yeah. She's going crush, like look, sadness in other places has taken a few people down. Here, you know what? The sadness is not enough to overcome the radness. She lives in a world of madness.

Sadness is the only option, yeah. She looks super cool, she's got a robot arm, she drives a big truck. I mean, it's such a fuckin' great design. Yeah. Like. Yes. Her design is so... Both feels unique and immediately recognizable. It's amazing.

And when you see her as the one woman who has earned this kind of place of violent authority in this world of horrible men, you know that this is a badass character right off the top of that. She's had to work 10 times harder than every one of those other war boys to get where she is. You know.

So wait, what was that, a 10 for you? I'll give it a 10 for badness. Oh, crush. Sorry, 10 for radness. Let's talk about badness. How bad is this this battler? I also very high. You know what?

I was going to like first, you know, dock her a little bit because, you know, like, does she have like the kill count or whatever when you're, if you're like looking at badness that way, but if you look at it in terms of, again, working her way up from nothing, like the, like the size of the fight and the dog, as they say, I'm going to give her a nine. I'm going to give her a nine. Also, like Dan said, she doesn't have as huge a body count as some of the others,

but look at the bodies. She overthrows a tyrant. That counts for a lot. She's not just taking down, you know, random hit men who got a notification on their phone that there's a contract open on Jonathan Wicksworth. She's taking out the main villain and at the same time, unfortunately, taking out the greatest guitarist in the wasteland. But, you know, it all goes to show you got to take the good with the bad. So she gets a nine for badness.

Okay. Now let's give me a roll for Unlucky Dip, Danny. Okay. You got a 12. You got a 12. Okay. This might be a challenge for Furiosa. Can do a convincing lead in a regional theater production of Fiddler on the Roof.

Ooh, I was going to rate her pretty high until I found out it was Fiddler, because in Furiosa, she does a lot of performing in order to get through dangerous situations. She has to put on personas, but Tevye is a tough one. It's a very verbal role, and she does not like to talk very much. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, a lot of,

I think convincing does a lot of work there, like what you think convincing means. Like, could she put on a good performance? Probably. If you want her to be convincing as the specific Jewish man from the specific time and place in history, I'm not sure. I mean, I think she could,

she could very much really tap into the idea of a stultifying tradition-based social structure because she lives in a world where, even though it seems anarchistic, there's a lot of applied roles that everyone has to play. In class, yeah. But I think it's gonna be very hard for her to sing those songs.

She's just not, I don't think, it's gonna be hard for her to get across the joy of if I were a rich man, you know, the joy mixed with bittersweet, you know, yearning. Even so, it's gonna be hard for her to get across the joy of if I were a rich man, you know The joy mixed with bittersweet, you know Even so I'm gonna be generous Because I think she can do a lot of what she puts her mind to I'm gonna give her a four Okay, Elliot, I'll give her four as well. I think when she says I have five daughters She'll remember the women that she almost took to the Greenland, you know

Dan give us our next hero. Not bad for Viriosa over here. That's true. Yeah. Dan, give us our next hero. Not bad for Virios over here. That's a five. Okay, we got the man himself, Ethan Hunt. Oh my. No mission is more possible than when it's in the hands of Mr. Ethan Hunt, played by Thomas Cruise. You would know him from the Mission Impossible franchise, of which there are what, like nine of them now?

Eight of them? Seven? Seven, I think. Seven. Yeah. Here's the thing about Ethan Hunt. I mean, he was in Far and Away also. You'd also know Tom Cruise from Far and Away. Sure, yeah, you would know him from Far and Away, yep. He can do nearly anything,

but it's kind of a part of his character that he is not rad. He is kind of a square. He, you know, has no, he's like kind of a cipher of a person in a certain way. And so I think in that area, I'm just going to give him a five. Okay. Yeah, I think that's fair.

I mean, there's a certain... He has this like... I think he does a... I'm going to chalk part of this up to just Tom Cruise's ability as a performer, but he does the like, oh shit, how am I going to deal with this new development face better than anyone in the biz? Yeah. Very good at that. So you set a five for Ethan Hunt on radness.

A five on radness. Elliot, you want to make a case? I'm going to give him a four because I've always found him to... Actually, I'm going to give him a four. When you see him in motion, it's very fun, but I've always found him to be the least distinct of action heroes. I don't get much sense of personality or style from him. And there's a certain point around Mission Impossible 4 where I was like, they should just call this character Tom Cruise.

Like, why even bother to give him a fake fictional name? I do want to pump the brakes. If you want to see some style, you should watch Mission Impossible 2. Even if it doesn't quite work. Because his hair is crazy, and there's that awesome, that guitar, those wraparound shades. And that, like, motorcycle bit where he's spinning around shooting gas tanks. Well, that falls under baditude for me.

But yeah, that's a style. That really feels like an experiment in style that the character could not sustain. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so I feel like I feel like Lorenzo Lamas in Renegade has a more distinct action hero style to me than Ethan Hunt does. That's 100 percent true. Unfortunately, Lorenzo Lamlamas and Renegade is not one of our options.

No, it's television, yeah. So let's talk about badness. How effective is Mr. Ethan Hunt? I mean, these are literally impossible missions. And yet he pulls them off. Carries them off with aplomb. Like this is what I love about this is like, it is again that kind of Indiana Jones thing

of like he shows the effort and I enjoy it, and I enjoy that he is like trying the hardest and he gets done, you know, impossible. So I'll give him a 10. He can do the impossible. Okay. Oh, I was gonna give him, I'll give him an eight. It is impossible, but I feel like he's,

he's, he gets by, yeah, a lot of times on luck though, but I do like that that's the fact. I like that, my favorite moment in any of those movies, again, is when he's climbing the Burj Khalifa and he has to swing through the window and he hits his head on the way in. It's great. Yeah.

Dan, give me a roll, give me a roll. That's a 10. Okay, woo wee. Okay, so this is one of the ones I wrote before the election. So on a scale of one being very likely to 10 being very unlikely, how likely is Ethan Hunt going to be a guest on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast? I mean, really blowing his cover as an undercover agent. on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast. You know what? I mean, really blowing his cover

as an undercover agent. Yeah, I feel like he'd be very unlikely on this one. Yeah, I'm gonna steer it away. So he's gonna get high points for this one. Yeah, I'm gonna steer it away from any political thing and say he just doesn't have the time. Like, he's constantly saving the world. So if unlikely is the high number,

I'm gonna give him a nine. Wait, so unlikely is the high number So if unlikely is the high number, I'm going to give him a nine. Wait, so unlikely is the high number? Unlikely is the high number. Yeah, I'm also going to give him a nine. I feel like it's- Because the higher your likelihood is, the less I like this character. I think the only reason I could see him on there

is if it is part of the mission, like if it was the first mission impossible and he's still doing the mask stuff for the second mission impossible, I feel like he doesn't do as much with masks these days as he wants to. Oh wow. Yeah, well look at over here, he's still doing the mask stuff for the second mission impossible. I feel like he doesn't do as much with masks these days. Oh wow. Yeah, look at him over here, he's complaining. Not enough masks.

There's the scene in either the first or the second one where he is literally pretending to be like a congressman who's on a talk show. So I could see him doing that if it's part of the mission. I will say, Elliot, there's a very good mask bit in the beginning of Dead Reckoning. Okay, I got it. Every time I've been on a plane, bit in the beginning of Dead Reckoning. Okay, I got a... I still haven't seen it.

Every time I've been on a plane, I'm about to watch Dead Reckoning, and then I see it's two hours and 45 minutes long, and I'm like, I don't know if I can sit here and watch this for two hours and 45 minutes. It's also... It's like Hayley Atwell's in it. Maybe not the size of a screen for that kind of like big movie. So Dan's out of nine, what are you saying, Elliot? I'll say nine also.

Okay, not bad, Mr. Ethan Hunt. Okay, Dan, give me a roll, give me you saying Elliot? I'll say a nine also. Okay, not bad Mr. Ethan Hunt. Okay, Dan give me a roll, give me a roll. You got a 10. Okay, we're bagging the Johns. We got, this is a classic one guys. Star of everybody's favorite Christmas movie, John McClane, played by Bruce Willis.

I think this movie's name is John McClane. Die Hard franchise, it's not called John McClane, the movie. John McClane, star of the Die Hard franchise. It's not called John McClane the movie. John McClane starred the Die Hard franchise. Yeah. Kind of, I mean, arguably Die Hard is like one of the best action movies of all time. No question. I've never loved it as much as other people. I see how well done it is, but I have to say, but and for me often the weakness is John McClane to me. I find him to be a more irritating character than like a fun character.

I would not agree with that. My thing is with- But it's an opinion. No, I know. I'm saying I don't agree with your opinion. I hold a different one. I like it more as a thriller than I do in action movie. I think it is well constructed.

Like it did a whole, you know, a whole genre came from Die Hard. And like it is a clever idea, well executed. The Christmas movie. Yeah. But on the action, the action is where it falls down for me because for the most part, it's just like people shooting each other than ducking behind things

Which I don't find exciting in the same way that I find a set piece exciting like an interesting stunt exciting Like I don't give a shit if you're like can shoot someone else with a gun like sorry America Dan's not going to boot up Call of Duty after this What do you say in terms of radness Dan? Let's talk about the John McLean character. Yeah, I feel like he's got some points here at least. Maybe not from Elliot. Yeah, on wisecracks and attitude, I'll give him a 7. I'm gonna give him a 6 if only because I don't like his wisecracks quite as much. Yeah, Elliot doesn't like fast-talking heroes.

I like fast talking heroes. I like fast talking heroes that have, where I like the material a little more. There's something about Bruce Willis that's very like self satisfied. You know? Yeah, yes. You know, ain't I a stinker?

You know, in a way that I like that coming out of a cartoon rabbit, not quite as much command of Bruce Willis. And especially as the series goes on, the character becomes less and less interested in whatever he is doing at the moment Yeah, that's fair. Okay, so we got uh, let's talk about badness How bad is this dude again the thing about diehard that makes the movies? Interesting, but maybe not him's like the baddest guy is like the whole deal is supposed to be

He's just the wrong place the wrong time. Yeah. Yeah. Like he makes the best of it. He perseveres. So I'll give him a seven, but he's not the baddest. Okay. I'm gonna give him a seven as well. I mean, that's the thing is he's supposed to be kind of an ordinary guy, but he gets through,

which shows an inner badness that is coming out. But I'm never like the one part, I feel like the one scene everybody talks about in the Die Hard movies, aside from now I've got a machine gun or whatever, is him walking over that broken glass in the first one. And that is more a test of endurance rather than as a test of like, you know,

bad kind of action, you know, take out the other guy's ability, you know. And I know that might sound a little hypocritical with what I was saying about Indiana Jones, but I just like him more. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, Dan, give me a lucky dip roll for old John McClane.

We got a six here. A six. Okay, you're going out of town, this doesn't kind of apply to Elliot, but you're going out of town on a scale of one to 10, how good of a job would John McClane do at watching your pets? I have children, let's say he's watching my children, yeah.

Okay, you can imagine, for you say he's watching my children. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. If you can imagine for you children are the new pets. Yeah. You know, he seems like a nice man. Overall he does, you know, he has his personal life seems to be in shambles. So maybe that says something about responsibility and then like, you know, like the third one,

he's just come off a bender But I'll give him a six. I'll be I'll give him this I also can't stress enough This guy is constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time. I feel like that would be bad It's true. That's what I'm giving him a reason if he's watching my my kids or my non-existent pet You know that a terrorist or a hostage taker or a bank robber is going to show up at that house. Yeah. You know what?

I won't be, I don't want to be overly influenced, but I'll take myself down to a five. Okay, cool. Dan, give me one more roll. It's a 17. 17. Okay. This is kind of a, almost like a career retrospective. We have the star, the main hero in Police Story and Police Story 2.

That's Chan Kakui. I probably mispronounced that, but that is Jackie Chan's character in the Police Story franchise. But in a way, this is also going to represent Jackie Chan's career in general. OK, because I feel like almost every character represent Jackie Chan's career in general. Okay? Because I feel like almost every character that Jackie Chan plays at least through his like, you know great period of movies Yeah, it's kind of fairly kind of the same guy. Yeah. Yeah, this is great timing. I was just rewatching police story the other night That's great. Were you watching it with the family? No, I was but I was looking forward to the day when I could watch it with the family. Yeah.

I think that part of the point of Jackie Chan's character is a certain lack of radness. Like, you're supposed to be like, oh, wow, this funny guy is able to do this stuff. So I don't know. I'm going to go as low as a four on this. Oh, okay. I was going to even lower. I'm going to go as low as a four on this. Oh, okay. I was going to even lower. I'm going to go with a three. Because he is not, he is both not cool and he's also not particularly nice to the people around him.

There's a scene in Police Story that I had forgotten. The scene where he's like answering all the different phones and I forgot that a woman calls up and was like, I was assaulted and he's like, uh, what do I do with this? And you're like, no, you're a police officer Jackie Chan. Like, come on, this is show a little bit more respect to the victim. So the, so he's a, I would say he is not a cool guy. You know? But also, but it's also like, he's just, he's,

there's like an Archie Andrews quality about him. You know, of like, like a goofball who always gets himself into trouble, but then he happens to be a martial arts master and Archie Andrews is also low on the Radness scale. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, unless it's like a CW version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless it's like a CW version. Yeah, yeah. Then it's like a thousand, yeah.

So let's talk about badness. How bad is this guy? Ten. You put him in Ikea. Got ten. Any item is a weapon of both hilarity and also bodily tarm in his hands, yeah. It depends on how you define badness.

Like he's not like a Terminator, like Lobo style badness. Like I'm just gonna murder everyone. He is very good at what he does, and what he does is hit people with ladders and stuff. I do think him versus the Terminator would end up being a pretty interesting fight. I mean, that would be great. I mean, he's an amazing specimen. I'll give him versus the Terminator would end up being a pretty interesting fight. I mean that would be great I mean, he's an amazing specimen. I'll give him an eight

Okay I feel like just for the just for the scene and police story that they stole for tango and cash Where he stops that bus and the bad guys fly out the window. I'm gonna give him a ten for that. Yeah, that's so great Okay, give me a roll. Give me a roll on the lucky dip It's an 18. I think he'll do okay. If he was on the hot ones, how likely is he to be able to handle the spiciest wings? Oh, he's gonna be doing some like comedy takes. He'll make it to the end. He'll get to the 10. He'll get to the 10 on that.

I was gonna say the same thing. It's a 10, but he's gonna be doing a lot of like reactions that are very funny, but he's gonna eat those wings. He'll get to the 10. He'll get 10 on that. I was going to say the same thing. It's a 10, but he's going to be doing a lot of reactions that are very funny, but he's going to eat those wings. He'll get through it. Yeah. OK, good job here. He's spilling milk all over him while he's trying to drink some of it. Yeah. And then someone's going to fight him and he's going to use the wing to fight back and because it's spicy, sticks it in their mouth and they go, ah! And he mops them out.

I love it. Yeah, somebody comes to give him milk. And yeah, it's great. OK, so we got one more for this episode. Let's wrap this up, Dan. Okay, that's an 18. Okay, we are, this character has only appeared in one film, but it's an important one. That's right.

From Con Air, we have Cameron Poe, played by Nicolas Cage, an iconic action hero. Iconic action hair, I guess, at least. Yeah, at least. Yeah. And accent. Yeah, I mean, for the hair and accent, I think I'll give him a seven. You know, there's not much else there

to hang the radness on, but. I'm gonna give him a five just because of my residual love for Nicolas Cage rather than for that character himself, yeah. Yeah now how bad is Cameron Poe guys? He does take on a whole plane full of convicts the worst convicts in America. Yeah But I don't think he does it with a lot of Battitude so I'm gonna give him a six. I'm also gonna give him a five for kind of same reasons And he takes on a plane full of convicts But the most dangerous one is loose at the end. Yeah

For a comedic take We've a character who we were already told earlier killed a girl and wore her head as a hat and we're supposed to love it That he's free at the end. Yeah, it's a stand-up and cheer moment of that year's Oscars Okay, so let's give me a lucky dip, Dan. Yeah, we got a four. Okay. Okay, how likely on a scale of one to 10 is Cameron Poe going to make

a killer Halloween party playlist? I think that it's mostly gonna to be Leonard Skinner on there. And Monster Mash. I'm going to give him a three for this. Oh man, Cameron, oh I'm sorry buddy. Sorry Cameron. Oh man, he got the exception. Knocked out, knocked out.

Okay, so that was our first ten. Thank you so much. This has been a Flophouse Mini. Stay tuned for our next Mini, which will show up in two weeks where we're going to get the deciding votes on this one. We got 10 more down the way. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm joined as always by my guest hosts.

Dan McCoy. Elliott Kalin, guest host. Yep. This has been part of the Maximum Fun Podcast Network. You can check out other great shows there. This show has been produced by Alex Smith, who goes by Howl Dawdy on various platforms. He's a musician. He's a podcast producer extraordinaire.

Thank you so much, Alex. So once again, for the Flophouse, thank you. Bye. Bye. ["Maximum Fun"] Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Bye.