The Flop House - FH Mini #121 - Hi, Resolutions!

Episode Date: January 25, 2025

Elliott completes a loose trilogy of minisodes -- one per Peach -- all about the changing of the year. His take? What New Year's resolution would you make on behalf of various franchises?The final episode of season 2 of FlopTV debuts in one week, but your ticket gets you access thru February! Full line-up/tickets here! And while you’re clicking on stuff, subscribe to our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets!”

Hi, Floppers. Before we start this episode, I just wanted to remind you we are in the middle of FlopTV Season 2. That's right, the one-hour internet televised Flophouse TV show is here for you the first Saturday of every month through February. Just go to theflophouse.simpleTix.com and get your tickets or season pass for this all-new Flophouse TV stuff. For covering movies we've never covered before, we've got video segments, it's amazing. Just go to theflophouse.simpleTix.com for Flop TV Season 2. This time, it's personal. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another Flophouse Mini. That's right, here at the Flophouse Podcast, we often watch a bad movie and then talk about it. But every other week, we do other stuff, sometimes movie related, sometimes

not movie related. Which kind is it this week? I guess you'll have to listen to find out. My name is Elliott Kalin, and I want to apologize if the audio that you're hearing from me is not great. As talked about in our previous episode, Joker Follier Ducks. I am currently not at my home because of the Los Angeles fire situation. I am safe, my family is safe, thank you very much. If you would like to donate to any of the organizations that are taking care of people who are affected by the fires, please do so.

I will not see that money because I don't need it. Thankfully, knock on wood, I'm very lucky in this case, but other people need it, so please do that. But let's talk about other things this time, because it's two weeks, hopefully after those fires when you're listening to this. And I'm joined by two great guys, one for each of those weeks. Guys, why not introduce yourselves? I'm Dan McCoy. And for the second week, I'm Stuart Wellington. Great. I actually met the guys behind you, but we can do it with you. Yeah, that's fine, we can do it with you.

Okay, yeah. No, no, Dan and Stuart are the great guys I'm talking about, and you know what? I should be more sincere in my appreciation of them, because that's the kind of thing you might make a New Year's resolution about, is to express to the people you love that you do love them,

rather than just making mean jokes about them, which is another way to show love sometimes, but they have to know that that's the case. And I mentioned your resolutions with this guy. Oh, it's been love. Like a roast. Have you ever seen a roast, right? It's delicious.

You leave it in the oven for a long time. You got to. You got to. Just like a roast joke. It has to take a very long time to tell it. And then that one guy, Jeff, what's his name? Shows up and eats it because he's the roast master general. a roast joke. It has to take a very long time to tell it. And then that one guy, Jeff, what's his name, shows up and eats it because he's the roast master general.

That one guy, Jeff. So I'm talking about New Year's resolutions because it is January, I think, when this episode is coming out. Maybe it's not anymore, I don't care. It's January when we're recording it. And I'm talking about New Year's resolutions today. The start of the year when everyone decides to do something to make themselves better, or as is often the case nowadays, the world decides what it's gonna do to make itself worse throughout the year.

Guys, let's talk about positive New Year's resolutions. Do you have any New Year's resolutions this year? Well, here's a thing that I heard recently that I agree with, which is, it's probably, like, New Year's resolutions are a good way to set yourself up for failure if you're like, oh, I'm going to do this whole new thing.

I'm gonna change my life. Yeah, it's not gonna happen that way. I'm gonna eat, I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna love this year. That's three things, which is too many things for one year. Choose one. The thing that I heard suggested, and I think maybe this was like a New York Times wellness

thing, who knows where I got this, but it was like double down on like the things you've identified that you think are positive that you've started to do. So I'm going to double down on like, I'm gonna try keep up going to yoga. I'm gonna try keep avoiding reading the internet when it's making me sad and angry at the world. Dan, real quick, can you stretch your arms out super long yet?

Or is that not the stage he is at? I'm not there quite yet. But his teacher, Dulceim, says that he's getting there. Oh, wow. I'm going to continue to read more and I'm going to continue to figure out strategies to make myself more organized, set deadlines for myself, make more lists, et cetera. Those are kind of the things I'm going to double down on.

That sounds great, Stewart, what about you? What are you going to double down on? I mean, I didn't know that, I thought this was a resolutions thing, not a double down thing. Okay, what are you going to resolve to do? It's actually a double down thing. Okay, what are you gonna result double dare thing? Well, let's see I think that let's see I

I mean the big thing for me is I The start of the year has been really stressful for work-related reasons. So I'm hoping that I can get on top of that a little better. And also I've been struggling with some upper respiratory stuff. Between those two things, it's kind of messed up my gym schedule and I'd like to get back into a consistent,

get my gym schedule back on track. to get back into a consistent get my gym schedule back on track not for any reason other than it just makes my brain feel better how's your tanning and laundry doing oh Dan my laundry games on point tanning I haven't been to a tanning I went to a tanning booth a couple times before I went to Australia last year and I still have a tan line from like a little like bikini-sized tan line. It's pretty funny. I would have a doctor look at that.

That doesn't sound right. Uh-huh. I don't know. I mean, a lot of people look at it, but they have to pay a premium price for that. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if you went to a tanning booth and they're like, oh, we don't know how to tan.

Just tattoo this line on him. And then you have a they're like, oh, we don't know how to tan, just tattoo this line on him. And then you have a tattoo of a tan line, you don't know. But the other thing is I have a goal that I'd like to take my mom on a vacation. Oh, that's very sweet. My, for New Year's this year, my goal is to try to work less, to make work less the core of my life,

and make things like my family and taking care of my health less the core of my life, to make things like my family and taking care of my health more the core of my life, because too often in the choice between getting work done or taking care of myself, I choose the work one, and it's not good for me. That being said, this is a podcast about movies, guys. It's not like a wellness podcast. And so, it's not even a Road to Wellville podcast. Which is- The Wellington podcast, a little bit. That's right, it's a Wellington podcast. And so I want, it's not even a road to wellville podcast. Which is-

The Wellington podcast a little bit. That's true. That's right. It's a Wellington podcast. At least a third of it. And we always talk about that guy, that crazy general. He probably took Napoleon down. Yeah.

I have a good name. I could be like a wellness fucking guru. Yeah, you should. Wellness of Wellington. Yeah, Wellness of Wellington. You should do that. All I did do is- First learn about say, I just have to be really confident when I make my social media, my forward-facing social media videos.

Yeah, that's the main problem with your videos, not confidence. Oh man, apparently I'm taking some of the heat that he was previously directing at Elliot. Everyone gets a turn. Yeah, Dan is like the wheel of fate. I got some fucking splash damage on that one. I was trying to think if there are any movies about New Year's resolutions. At the time I was putting this together,

I was in the middle of fleeing from a natural disaster, so I wasn't able to do much research. And so I was trying to think, the only one that came to mind, and I can't remember if it's a New Year's movie or not, is what, Yes Man with Jim Carrey, the one where he says yes to everything? But that might not be a New Year's resolution. That might just be a thing that he decides.

Yeah, he decides to do it. What about the mask? Is that a New Year's resolution that he's going to wear the mask more? I have to be zanier. Yeah, but it's dumb and dumber, a New Year movie They're like we need to be not just dumb but dumber What about that movie is it resolution the one where they're at like a dinner party for New Year's and a comet's passing? Super close or a meteors passing close and they like oh, I think I think you've got coherence

Is a movie but I'm not sure what it is maybe a movie about photography I don't does the movie we never did New Year's Eve for the podcast which surprised me Resolution is a movie, but I'm not sure what it is. Maybe a movie about photography. I don't know, does the movie, we never did New Year's Eve for the podcast, which surprised me when looking back recently that we didn't do it. I think we didn't do it on purpose because none of us wanted to watch it,

but we probably should have done it, yeah. Oh no, I think I recommended this one. Resolution is from, what's the, the Benson and Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead. It's their movie about a friend basically tying another friend up in a cabin in the woods so that they can get clean. I saw the movie that came after that

that sort of was related, but I didn't see that one. I don't think I've seen any of those movies. So those are not New Year's resolution movies, right? No. Okay, well, we have done no research. We haven't come up with any. We could easily look now on the computer, but I think instead I'd like to talk about something else,

which is New Year's resolutions for things related to movies. So not movies about New Year's resolutions. We failed abysmally at that. And for next year, a resolution can be to learn a couple movies that involve New Year's resolutions. There's gotta be a rom-com with a New Year's resolution. There's got to be.

Either where- Hey, listeners, write in 123 Flop Street. We are too lazy to do the work ourselves. You write in, just write to Dan's home address. Let me get it right here, hold on. Which is- Oh. Is doing-

Ah. So let's think about some New Year's resolutions for movie franchises. These movie franchises, they have their ups, they have their downs, they're kind of like self-aware, sentient people at this time. And they could really have some restarts right now. So, if we were one of these New Year's resolutions, one of these movie franchises, what would the New Year's resolution for that franchise be? That's something I want to talk about with you today on an episode of the Flophouse.

I'm calling the American Resolution. Oh, okay. The Resolutionary War? Oh yeah, that's even better. You know what, let's call it, except I don't like that war aspect of it, let's call it the Resolutionary Peace. Is that a thing? Yeah, yeah.

Okay, you know what, let's call it Dance Dance Resolutions. It's called Dance Dance Resolutions. So's called Dance Dance Resolutions, you know. So, let's start with the biggest franchise of them all. It's got three letters. Give me an M. Give me a C. Give me a U. That smells McHugh, which is the name of the Marvel Universe.

And so, what would the MCU's New Year's resolution be? I mean, probably to release a movie. So what would the MCU's New Year's resolution be? I mean. Probably to release a movie. They haven't done one in a while, right? When was their last movie? I do feel, well, I feel like they are holding firm to the thing that would have been the resolution I recommended to them. Which is do less stuff.

Do less stuff, yes. I know they've got that Captain America movie coming I thought you were saying you're saying more Kang You did Dan you did say more Kang, but only if a specific actor was playing it, you know, it was Paul Giamatti Kevin Spacey Different directions there's two Yeah, it was Paul Giamatti. Yeah. Well, I do feel like, it's funny- How great would Paul Giamatti be as Kang? He would be so fucking good.

He would be fantastic as Kang. You know, bringing up Kang sort of points to the thing that I probably would say- Oh, the Catherine Hepburn movie, bringing up Kang? I think that they tried to jump right into the idea of like, let's rebuild another giant arc with a giant villain. And like, look, you know, I'll be interested in whether they can pull that off again, maybe in the future, but I don't think that's the right move

right after going through Endgame and Infinity War and whatnot. I would like to see a few more things that just kind of exist on their own that aren't so heavily interconnected. I really enjoyed the Agathol long series because I felt like it stood on its own feet. Even though, wasn't that like, didn't that come out of three other things?

It came out of Wandaville and Vision, but it wasn't. Wandaville and then Wandavision, yeah. It doesn't feel like it necessarily has a lot to do with other MCU stuff. I know I saw Billboard, so I know there's a new Captain America movie came out where someone is punching his shield, but I don't know anything else about it. I think it's a Red Hulk. Harrison Ford is in it. Oh, it is a Red Hulk. I heard it was a Red Hulk.

I do not like that the lag time between something being introduced in the Comics and it being in the movies and TV shows has gotten so short in a way that is uncomfortable to me Where it used to be like only the most famous superheroes got movies They had to be around for decades and then suddenly you got red hulks showing up and things Yeah, that's a reason is red. I mean like 10 years ago still, but you know, it's something like that. It's really important to Elliot that the established hierarchy of things stays in place.

Yes, thank you. Where is my Darkhawk movie? He's been around for way more years than Redhawk. Darkhawk and Sleepwalker, please. Please, the rookies of 1991 I think it was. Where's my new Warriors movie? Come on, give me that. I mean they tried to make a new Warriors TV show,

and it didn't. It got canceled for airing. And if you want to make something for adults, do a... We'll go old Warriors first. Yeah, do like Johnny Blaze in the Rise of the Midnight Suns or whatever. Come on, baby. Yes, please, thank you.

I mean, they're doing Blade. That's the perfect time to get some more Midnight Suns in there. Aren't they? I thought like... I mean, they did Morbius. They keep pushing it. And Blade is the...

Blade is the... Dog, a Blade movie is so easy. Like you do a vampire rave, you give him a sick ass katana and a trench coat. That's a movie. I feel like Mahershal Ali being like I want to do Blade kind of cursed it just because I think it would be great. I would love it. He's a great actor, but I think that suddenly they got the yips and they're like,

oh, it's gotta be classy now. Whereas a Blade movie doesn't need to be classy. I bet you he doesn't want it to be that classy. If I'm him, he wants it. It's like, there's, when you see, sometimes there's actors who do a big action movie or a dumb action movie and people are like, oh, look at them slumming.

And it's like, I don't know. I bet there's a part of Cate Blanchett that loves the idea of being in a movie where she's like shooting robots and bounty hunters and stuff like that. When there was that scene in Return of the Jedi, when Luke Skywalker's in the rank or his fist, and I read something where Luke Skywalker was like, where Mark Hamill was like, that's why you do these.

That's what I've always wanted to do, is do a scene where I'm in a giant monster's fist. And again, not to bring up Paul Giamatti again, but it's like the conversation he had with his agent when he was in the Planet of the Apes movie. His agent's like, shouldn't you be a character that you can see their face? And he's like, Rick Baker is doing these makeup. He's like, if I'm on Planet of the Apes movie, I want to be an ape. Just like the Nirvana song, ape me, my friends.

Your friend in that case is Rick Baker. Yeah. Uh-huh. Oh man, what I wouldn't give. So the MCU, they're already living out the resolution, which is, slow it down. Maybe not so much stuff. Now what about the DCU or DICU,

which is the detective comics universe, so called because it relies on detective stories and mysteries mostly. Detective Chimp, Slam Bradley, all the big detective characters they've made movies of. Booster Gold's a detective, right? What about the question? Is the question there?

The question is kind of a detective, although he's really more of an Anne Randian figure. What about Zatanna? Is that her name? What's her name? She is not a detective, she is a magician, yeah. So she's a magician with the most easily crackable magic code, which is just saying things backwards.

What would be your New Year's resolution for the DCU and the people in charge thereof? They got that new Superman movie coming out. My resolution would have been make a movie that just has one character in it, they've already broken that, because there's a ton of other characters in the Superman movie.

I mean, I think that- By which I mean super powered characters. Obviously I don't want a Superman movie where it's just one character, Superman, by himself in space talking to himself. I mean, I want non-powered characters in there. I don't want Craps Last Tape starring Superman. That's not what I'm looking for.

Yeah, well, what a, yeah. Maybe. The right actor could pull it off. Yeah. It's hard to know. Look, if Jefferson Lee's gonna do a Superman movie, then it should just be him. So I'm in, I'm my own wife who's amazing, yeah.

It's hard to know what to recommend because, you know, the DCU's sort of under new management now. You don't know where it's going quite yet to even make a recommendation, but I would say I like James Gunn a lot. I liked him before he did Guardians of the Galaxy. I liked Slither, I liked Tromeo and Juliet. I enjoy his stuff, and I think he certainly

probably has a wider range than he has shown. I mean, the man wrote a Scooby-Doo movie, or maybe both of them, I'm not sure. And it looks like Superman shows that range, but I am a little nervous. Like, you know, for DCU, he's done Suicide Squad, Peacemaker, Creature Commandos, which are all kind of in that same vibe.

I just, you know, I guess my resolution is make sure that the vibe shifts around. But the Superman vibe should not be the same as the Suicide Squad vibe, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For DC, I don't know that DC's stable that well, but there's a character that, there's something... There's a character I really liked.

Power Girl, I think? There's something about her. I wonder what it is about Power Girl that draws your attention. And obviously Lobo. All Lobo stuff. You're like, I want DC to start cranking out their hit characters. Lobo, Power Girl, Etrigan, Commandy. Man, yeah, heck yeah. Uh, there was, yeah, I mean, I like, like I'm a sucker for all the weirdo DC characters.

I like all the weird characters and I also like, uh, who's the, oh, I like all star Superman. So if there's Superman movies like all star Superman, oh, I like all-star Superman. So if their Superman movie's like all-star Superman, I'll be okay with that. And that's my assumption is that it's gonna be more like all-star Superman, but, because that was a great book. But what if they went the opposite way? What if DC took the parent, you know, protect search off, the safe search, and made a Joker movie

that was like really twisted? Like what if they made a Joker movie that was like all about how life sucks and everything's bad and Batman's not in it and it's just super dark and grim but it's a musical but it's a musical eventually that makes it even twisted or yeah so much just like that movie Twisted Errs sorry Glenn Powell what if what if imagine the the uh someone who is not a, the world's biggest Twisted Sister fan falls into a coma right before the movie Twister comes out. They wake up right before the movie Twisters come out

and they assume it's about Twisted Sister and they're so disappointed when they go to see it. Like, you can't even put him on the soundtrack? Yeah, an hour in, he's like, I'm not gonna take this anymore. Speaking of soundtracks, we didn't talk about this on our Joker part two episode, but it's pretty it's pretty fucked up with all the songs. They didn't put the Joker by the Stephen Miller band in there. Yes, you'd expect it to be in

there. Well, he's not a midnightoker, you know. He would have crushed it, you know. It would have been, yeah. Let's go through these a little bit. He toasts in the middle of the day like a toasted douche. Let's do two more and then I just want to mention flop TV again, and then we'll do this quick, because Dan has dinner plans. So let's go to it. You can hear as Alex, you might want to edit out that tummy rumbling sound that's coming from Dan's mic.

Oh. Turn up the ball busting gain on Elliot a little higher for that. I'm just worried that Dan's going to look at Stewart and Stewart's going to turn into a turkey leg. And I'll be like, what? I understand. Why are you licking your lips at me? So the Fast and the Furious franchise, what's your New Year's resolution for the Fast and

the Furious franchise? Usually a New Year's resolution would be spend more time with my family, but they've got that covered. So what should they do this year? They gotta go, so they started off pretty small, right? Not in size, but like in scope. And then the last one they were in outer space, they have to go back in time or something.

They've gotta do a time travel one. I would say as much as, part of me would be like different dimensions, I feel like that's been overdone lately. Nobody's into multiverses. Go back in time again. That's what I keep hearing from people when I ask them what they think is next in the series

is they go Vin Diesel's gotta go back in time and see Paul Walker again. Like the Donic Toretto of now has to go back and see the him of back then and see his best friend again. It's gotta happen. He know one of those cars goes through a fucking time tunnel ends up on the foggy old streets of London town, he runs over Jack the Ripper.

Or, I mean, this could be finally the Fast and the Furious Back to the Future. They call it Back to the Furious or something like that. Oh, sick. It's like, we got a new mechanic working in the shop and it's Doc Brown. Oh, your cars! They gotta go to 88 miles per hour! And he's like, yeah, we do that all the time. I feel like, this one's hard,

because I feel like the things I like about Fast and Furious. The streets of London, yeah. The foggy. Then it becomes not, the mystery of the Ripper-ers becomes taken over the mystery of what happened to the man who was hit by some kind of fast moving object. I feel like the things I like about it are different than what other people like about it.

Yeah, you're a cool girl. Other, well, I mean, no, I just don't understand. I don't understand the series the way that like the real fans do because I guess they, the, the, the series hit some exact right level of goofiness for them at a certain point. And the, and now that and now the most recent one, they're like, too goofy. I'm like, this is not that much different than what's come before.

I don't see the difference that you're seeing. You're like, you saw the one with Charlize Theron with cornrows, right, or whatever, braids? And also, all the stuff about family, I'm like, I guess this is heartfelt for, like, the fans, but for me, this seems like total tacked on nonsense. So I say kill half the family. Wow.

There's such a cast extension, so much cast creep, I just, like, got to focus on some core members here. The family love to me in those movies is similar to the montage climax music from a Saw movie in something that I'm like, this has to be here. This is very essential to this movie. Yeah. It doesn't... It just like, yeah, there's just some kind of connection that I need to have.

Otherwise, what does everything else matter? You need to have that. So Stuart's newest resolution for Fast Furious is time travel, Dan's is kill half the cast. Alright. Or you have to kill them, like send them off somewhere, like split it off, like have them on two different adventure tracks. So it's like the blue and gold teams of X-Men in the early 90s. Or the two different Pokemon games you can buy at the same time.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Sure, sure. Okay, next we're going to go to a quick spot for Flapp TV, but first, the New York Mets. What's your news resolution for the New York Mets? That's a franchise. I guess just like do it better than before. They did pretty good, but they didn't do as good as Los Angeles. Yes, that's true.

So maybe they should watch how Los Angeles did and maybe do that? Just do exactly that. Okay, you heard it here first, New York Mets, do that. We're going to take a quick moment just to remind people about FlopTV. FlopTV, the last episode of the season, is coming up on February 1st.

That's right, February 1st, the first Saturday in February. We'll be talking about Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze on FlopTV, the TV version of the Flophouse. Go to theflophouse.simpletics.com. Did you miss the whole season? Did you, really? That's okay.

If you get a season pass now, which is six shows for the price of five, you will get access to the videos for all those shows. And this was a really fun season. We've had a great time talking about movie sequels, doing crazy presentations, doing even crazier videos. This has been super fun. It's been a blast, a great season.

Season 2 of FlopTV, go to theflophouse.simpletix.com. Again, that's theflophouse.simpletix.com, where you can get season passes, or I guess individual tickets for the individual recordings. I don't know why you'd want to do that unless you were like, I only want to hear them talk about Highlander to the quickening and I do not want to hear them talk about other movies.

But we hope you can join us on February 1st, the first Saturday in February, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, theflophouse.simpletix.com and then it'll be time to put those flop episodes into the Flophouse vault after February. Those videos will be up all the way through the month of February. So even if you miss that program, you can still get a

season pass to watch all those shows. But remember, February is the shortest month of the year, so you don't have as much time as in other months. It's a good public service announcement. Yeah, thank you, Elliott. Theflophouse.simpletext.com. Ego some John Hodgman. At ego some Janet Varney. And we're the hosts of ePluribus Motto, a podcast dedicated to exploring the mottos

of every state in the union. Every episode we will spotlight one state and discuss its official symbols, the motto, flowers, birds, beverages, songs, and even official state muffins. Plus we'll hear from guests whose lives have been inspired by the state's iconography and from residents who call that state home. Bring some snacks, a map, and your travel journal because this podcast is a virtual journey like no other. Au de nostrum e pluribus motto quaili batalia luni de maximum fun. And for the Latin challenged among you and us, listen to e pluribus motto every other Monday on Maximum Fun.

Okay, back to New Year's Resolutions. No! Now another franchise that just had a new release was Lord of the Rings with their War of the Rororororim? The Rorororim? Stuart, what's your Rororim? I'm going to pitch your fucking ass. with their War of the Rororim? The Rororim, Stuart, what's your Rororim? I'm gonna beat your fucking ass. Ha ha ha ha.

Look, I like characters and franchises with real names, like Kang. I don't know what a Rororim is, but what should the War of the Rings resolve for this new year? Oh damn, oh damn dog. Here's what, I think if you've got limited source material and you've essentially used it all by now,

you got one of two paths that you can take. Okay. One is- Make the most expensive television show in the history of television. One is, hey, maybe just stop. Just stop now. You don't gotta do more, we got it. You can stop, don't squeeze that orange anymore,

all the juice is out of there. Or you do something vastly different within that world that's genuinely creative and different rather than just sort of like, oh. So something like bright, you're saying, where it's like Lord of the Rings, but nowadays. Maybe I can eat the orange peel from that previous metaphor. I wonder if they could do something like,

so this is something I just saw, so we were in an, we were in an Atari yesterday stocking up on clothes, since we had to leave our house. But I saw there are toys now that are Ninja Turtles He-Man crossover toys, where it's a Ninja Turtles character merged with a He-Man character, and there's also a Masters of the Universe

Stranger Things-like double toy set. So should they do something like that with Lord of the Rings, Stuart's also a Masters of the Universe Stranger Things double toy set. So should they do something like that with Lord of the Rings, Stuart? Or they like mesh it with Stranger Things or Ninja Turtles or something like that? I'm just thinking how badly we need Griffin Newman to weigh on this. Yeah, we do. What I would say, yeah, of course... For his April Orko Neal character. Yeah.

I feel like you're right. A crossover is always a good idea. But you know what? What I think they should really do, I think it's time for just a silly one, you know? A goofy one, you know? Yeah. All Tom Bombadil. Do their own space balls, but for Lord of the Rings.

I mean, that's kind of like the plan at one point for Jaws 3, when it was going to be Jaws 3, People Zero, and National Lampoon was going to be the ones that made it. That fell apart because they... when it was going to be Jaws 3, People Zero, and National Lampoon was going to be the ones that made it. That fell apart because they... I listened to a podcast, an episode of The Greatest Movies Never Made, where they went through the scripts for it, and they're like, there's not a lot of shark in this parody of Jaws. But I would love to see a funny Lord of the Rings movie.

I think that'd be very good. I feel like Peter Jackson has not gone back to his roots of being like a funny Dude a funny filmmaker you want the Peter Jackson of bad taste and meet the feebles and so forth to do a Lord of the Rings movie Yeah, dead alive aka brain dead. Yeah, the frighteners frighteners in the fighters is a funny movie Yeah, I mean Stuart would be mad at me. I think that might be my favorite Peter Jackson movie is the frighteners, but I mean, Stuart would be mad at me. I think that might be my favorite Peter Jackson movie, is The Frighteners, but I don't know.

It's a real funhouse ride of a movie. It's pretty fun. It's such a bonkers movie, it's really fun. You get to see John Ashton as the ghost of a cowboy who has sex with a mummy. That's great. Jeffrey Combs has a bunch of scars on him. Yeah, Jeffrey Combs.

He's all scarred up. Wait, his body's a roadmap of pain? I believe so, yeah. So here's, in a similar to Lord of the Rings, this is another movie trilogy franchise. And I was wondering, what's your news resolution for the before trilogy? You know, before sunrise, before midnight, before sunset?

Probably find new times of the day. Before lunchtime, something like that. Yeah. I mean, I feel like- Before prime time. I feel like they could definitely like, hang out and talk more. Okay. I mean, I feel like that could definitely hang out and talk more. Okay.

I mean, I feel like that was kind of the point of the last movie was they had stopped hanging out and talking and it had hurt their relationship. Yeah. Yeah. But they did in Greece. I think they could go to another beautiful location and walk around and talk.

Guys, I still haven't seen the third one and part of it's because I don't want to see the Mark. I understand that. That's fucking fair. That's fair, but it's because I don't want to see the Mark. I understand that. That's fucking fair. That's fair, but it's a great movie. It's really great. It feels really real. There's definitely a scene where they are like kind of arguing while partially clothed

where I'm like, this is the most real shit I've ever seen. Yeah. Well, it's like that scene in that Fifty Shades of Grey movie where they're arguing while getting dressed. I'm like, yeah, this is what happens. You know, like it's... Or shortcuts. that Fifty Shades of Grey movie where they're arguing while getting dressed. I'm like, yeah, this is what happens. You know, like it's, yeah. Or shortcuts. Or shortcuts, yeah.

Nude argument. Or in, in, in, is it, in Don't Look Now, when he's brushing his teeth with no clothes on, I'm like, yeah, that happens. Sometimes you're brushing your teeth and no clothes on. Or like, or like in... And then later on you're like, what's this on my penis?

It's just toothpaste, Dan. How'd that get down there? Yeah, it's a killer dwarf, Dan. Get off of me! It's just like in Snakes on a Plane, yeah. So let's go on to another franchise. This is a beloved one for Dan, The Muppets, Dan. What's your New Year's resolution for the Muppets franchise?

Look, I've liked a couple things post-Jim Henson that the Muppets have done. If he says kill half the cast, I'm going to be pissed. No, kill them. Well, Bean Bunny, sure. We can all do without him. Send them to the Grey Havens or whatever. Okay, you know? Okay, you brought me back.

Okay, now Muppets Lord of the Rings, that's the thing that they should make. Honestly? Gonzo is Gandalf, you know it. Yeah. But is it going to be, I guess Kermit would have to be Frodo. No, Kermit's fucking Aragorn. Kermit is Aragorn? Yeah, and then you pump up Arwen's part,

and that's Miss Piggy. Because I was going to say Miss Piggy is Aragorn. You just do Miss Piggy as Aragorn. You're right. I'm being gender specific, and that's stupid. Sam the Eagle, Sauron? Sam the Eagle would be a great Saruman? Yeah, I guess Fozzie could be Gandalf too,

but Fozzie would be a great Sam Gamgee. Like he's basically the same. Yeah, he Saruman. I guess Fozzie could be Gandalf too, but Fozzie would be great Sam Gamgee. Like he's basically the same character. Yeah, no, he's a Sam. Yeah. Yeah. Gonzo is Gandalf. When I fill out those quizzes that tell me what Muppet I am, they always say Fozzie. I'm having trouble casting Gollum though.

That's the animal? I don't know. I mean, Gonzo is Gollum. Oh, Gonzo is Gollum. Yeah, actually, Gonzo should be Gollum, you're right. The Muppets are always telling me that I'm Lou Zealand, and so I don't know what that means. Well, he throws the fish and then they come back to him.

Who would Animal be? Because Animal could be Gollum too. Animal could also be Gollum. Maybe there's two Gollums. Wait, what if, crazy idea, what if Animal is Aragorn? That is a crazy idea, what if animals are a gorm? That is a crazy idea. What if they called Strider, you know?

Yeah, you know what, I think we've solved both of these franchises. We've got to do Muppets Lord of the Rings, that'd be wonderful. Okay, now another franchise, Kellogg's characters, you've got Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, Pop. I know for a fact that Kellogg's is trying to get these characters into the TV and film business. What would you say to Kellogg's as their news resolution? I mean, before I was saying with the MCU, maybe don't share universes so much, crossovers,

but here, more crossovers. So far, they've just been restricted to their own cereal boxes for the most part. I want to see a tiger chasing them elves around. Yeah, like Snap, Crackle, Toucan, Sam. Yeah, let's do that. Yeah, like normally I associate these characters with food, but what are their hopes and dreams and shit guys?

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, let's hear their backstories, yeah. More of like on my dinner with Andres or with these characters. Yeah, yeah, Dan's just bringing up that we just More of like a My Dinner with Andres or something. Yeah, yeah. Dan's just bringing up that we just recently saw Walla Sean in The Flesh. Oh, that's true.

And it was pretty cool. Oh, where'd you see him? I've seen him in The Flesh a couple times. Where'd you see him? So we were lucky enough to get invited to the New York Film Critics Circle Awards here at New York City. Not because of our criticism bona fides, but because we knew, had a friend. You faked it until you made it, Dan.

Our friend Matt Singer had some extra tickets and he invited us. I think it was because he emceed last year, so he had a very good table, and he was right next to this year's emcee, Mr. David Sims, who also brought along a few of his own podcasters. Mm.

Yeah. So yeah, we got to see, man, let's go down the celebs we saw. Dan, are you excited? Let's see it. Let's see it. Flophouse on the red carpet, yeah. We were seated right next to a table with Kieran Culkin and Claire Danes.

Right next to them were Adrian Brody and Guy Pearce. We got to see Wallace Shawn. We got to see John Turturro, Carol Kane, Mike Lee, Dan. Yeah, Mike Lee. I'm very excited about hearing about Mike Lee and Carol Kane. John Turturro, Carole Kane, Mike Lee Dan. Yeah, Mike Lee. I'm very excited about hearing about Mike Lee and Carole Kane. John Turturro and Wallace Shawn are the only ones

that I've seen in real life. Wallace Shawn I've seen in many restaurants and theater audiences. And John Turturro I've seen just walking around the street whistling to himself very loudly. He introduced Carole Kane and it was very sweet. Like he sort of helped her down from the stage afterwards and like took her hand all the way back.

And I was like on the verge of tears just because they seemed so sweet. Marianne Jean-Baptiste was there. She was great. The director and cinematographer of Nickel Boys were there. And the Best Picture winner was introduced by Mr. Robert Pattinson himself. Unfortunately, not doing his Mickey 17 voice, which bummed me out.

So, let's move, it sounds like you guys had a great time. I've been having fun lately too. I've been doing lots of great stuff lately. Yeah, yeah, we sent you pictures and we're like, wish you were here. Yeah, and you sent me pictures and then you kept texting me being like, why didn't you hurt these? What's your problem, dude? I actually sent Elliot a message about how bad I felt that we weren't living it up while he was having fun. While I was tucking into food that was,

as I would describe, very fancy P.F. Chang's, I was thinking Ellie would want me to live it up. I would. I would want you both to live loss. Ellie would want me to take advantage of this open bar. Exactly. And thank you again to Madsinger for being kind enough to let us crash their party. Yeah, Madsinger's the best.

He is great. He's great. Okay, we've got two franchises left, then we'll wrap up this episode. Okay, the first is the second biggest franchise in entertainment, and the last one we're gonna talk about is the biggest franchise in entertainment. So, the second biggest franchise in entertainment, Star Wars. What's the New Year's resolution for Star Wars?

They've got that Skeleton Crew show, the Acolyte did not go the way that they thought it would, and that people Were not as happy with it as they hoped or rather diehard fans, and I don't mean fans of diehard I mean diehard fans of Star Wars maybe fans of diehard weren't into it, too Maybe they were I don't know they were like maybe John McClane is in this one. Oh, he's not still he's not yeah What should Star Wars do? I mean it depends. I feel like the fan base of Star Wars wants it to I mean, it depends. I feel like the fan base of Star Wars wants it to...

Atrophy? Well, they would argue that they want it to grow up with them, and by that they mean they want to see lightsabers chopping dudes in half. Yeah. I could be wrong. I don't know. They have a movie where that happens. But like, way more. Like constant. Lots of it. Blood everywhere. Yeah, yeah.

Absolute fucking mayhem. It's on the poster. Yeah absolute fucking mayhem The poster But it was an ad for absolute vodka and it just people getting each other over the heads with those bottles. It's absolutely mayhem. Yeah Remember wait Do you guys remember when absolute vodka ads were like the coolest things in the world and people were putting them on the walls of? Their bedrooms was this only an East Coast thing? Or this happened when you guys grew up? Did you have Absolute Vodka in the middle of the country? Was that just a sophisticated East Coastal thing?

I don't get it. The ads were in like Rolling Stone magazine or something. I remember like my cousin and my sister, like they would put these ads on the walls of their room. It was like, I remember there was a Kurt Vonnegut one and it was like, oh, he's finally cool again, Kurt Vonnegut, because he's in this absolute vodka ad. What was that all about? Yeah, Dan, what was that all about?

He probably, you know, they offered him money to do that. No, I mean, nevermind. I meant the absolute vodka craze. Maybe Star Wars, you're saying, Stuart, you think they should grow up and have lightsabers chopping people up. I mean, I think that's what people, that's what the audience wants.

So not like Skeleton Crew, which is the exact opposite, which is being a kids version. I thought people wanted The Last Jedi, but I was very wrong. Yeah, you can't have nice things. Look, if it was just me, again, it would be sort of like, well, do we have to keep doing this? Would be my resolution. Like, look, you've somehow managed to take a movie franchise that was, at one point in my life, like the most important entertainment thing, maybe, to me.

Like the thing that just blew my mind and expanded my world and I loved it. Now it's hard to get to Hawaii. Yeah, I'm in the Sedaris first. No, but now I'm like. Not the David Sedaris or Amy Sedaris first. Do I need?

Although they have opinions, I'd imagine. Do I need more of this? The only thing I've enjoyed was what? The Andor thing. And I- That's the name of the show, The Andor Thing. The Andor Thing. And I think, I mean, like if we're not gonna be that negative about it, I would say Andor does something that these other things haven't as effectively done,

which is find something within that storytelling that I haven't seen, which is like, okay. Stemmler and Skarsgård? What is like, let's Stem and Skarsgård? What is like, let's take the idea of a political rebellion seriously, like on the ground level, like what does this look like in this universe?

So I would like even further out of the box, new things to happen in that world. You want to finally understand how the Trade Federation handled trade. Well, I just don't, I don't, you know, like, I don't need to have every minor character get their own series because we know them already, you know? It is funny that you, the one you held up was Andor, which is a minor character from one of the movies. Yeah, yeah. But it is a minor character from one of the movies.

Yeah, yeah. From the spinoffs, yeah. But it's a minor character from like a new spinoff. It's not like, okay, well, you know, everyone loves the Clone War cartoon, so what we have to do is go to that rather than like their whole movies where new characters are introduced to us and we're not like, this isn't someone I know before. I've never seen any. Well, you say that, Dan, but what about this?

What if my solution was Muppet Star Wars? Kermit is Luke Skywalker. Miss Piggy is probably Princess Leia. Fozzie is Chewbacca. Gonzo is Darth Vader. I feel like this has happened already. Oh yeah, Fozzie is Chewbacca. Yeah.

No, I've seen pictures. Okay, okay, Fozzie is Lando Calrissian. What are you talking about, Dan? No, no, no, no. I didn't. I thought you were talking about someone else Which which was your two block? What do you think I was talking about somebody else? Well guys we talked about Star Wars That's the biggest franchise and entertainment time to talk about the second biggest franchise entertainment talked about time to talk about the biggest

Franchise and entertainment. Yeah, what do they do next? You know the one I'm talking about. That's right. Let's say it all together franchise and entertainment. Yes. What do they do next? You know the one I'm talking about. That's right. Let's say it all together. Property Brothers. What did the Property Brothers do in 2025?

Biggest franchise and entertainment. Probably a property. All I know is like, is one of them still with Zooey Deschanel? Elliot, you're really up on celebrity goss with Zooey Deschanel. Yeah, I believe so, but that's kind of the past and it's happened already. So the resolution can't be marry Zooey Deschanel because I think that happened already.

Zooey Béchamel is not a real person, but they could try to make that happen. So they're brothers and they do something with property? Dan, this is probably the biggest show on television. I don't. Anything that has to do with real estate in entertainment, I'm like, this stresses me out in life. I don't own any real estate, but the mere idea

of looking at listings whenever we have to move is the worst thing in the world to me. So I don't like seeing real estate-based. So once again, Dan's resolution is stop doing the thing that you're doing. Stop it. Just stop it. Well, no, just don't show it to me other people can enjoy it. Okay, okay and and I this is not You just don't want to put your thumb on the scale of the thing. You don't give a shit about yeah

Yeah, okay Well, so I think we've got a lot of good options for everybody Dan's go-to of don't do this stuff anymore He'll have to cast. I'm like, but there's only two brothers It's not property brothers if there's just one of them. It's just property guy, you know. Property bro. And I mean, all of the brothers, I don't know how well they get along. Every time I see the show, it always seems like they I used to watch it sometimes because I thought it was funny that they seemed to very arbitrarily pick that one wears a suit and one wears kind of like construction

clothes. And it seemed at a certain point that just as professional wrestlers would come to really dislike each other when the storyline says that they have to, like they'll come to feel that, it felt like the Property Brothers at a certain point did have that divide of like, well you don't understand, you don't work with your hands. Well I'm the one running this business.

Anyway, but I think the other solution. A lot like the flop house, honestly. Yeah, Stewart's had a lot of nuanced solutions. But I think honestly the best solution we've come up with, the best resolution, and you can't spell resolution without solution, it's literally the re-solutioning of something. Just throw the Muppets in stuff.

Yeah, I think so. Muppet Fast and the Furious, yes please. If the internet is in agreement with us on anything, it's that. Why isn't the MCU the Muppet cinematic universe? Why not? Come on. Why not?

Because it really hasn't been a very successful franchise since the death of Ensign. Oh, all right. Okay. Other than the one time. And guys, I guess we should go. I just want to see also, there's just one other media figure who I feel like dominates the media landscape. This is an individual person, not a franchise.

And I just wondered, do you have a news resolution for them? Someone who I feel like you can't talk about the modern media landscape without basically this person being the center. I'm feeling a rug pull here coming up. As I keep winding it up and building up this person. I'm slowly, tentatively stepping out on the ice, willing to trust again. Sitting off that rug. And so, we're all saying it, flow from progressive.

What does she do in 2025? It's a good question, Dan. How do you feel about flow from progressive? Probably the internet should get even hornier for flow. I mean, that's the internet's resolution. That's not really for flow to do. Yeah, that's true. I mean, flow should keep giving them stuff to feel about.

I would say- Or nothing, because apparently it doesn't really take anything. It's just Flo being Flo. I would say branch off into kind of like a cool hip hop career. Okay, cool. Yeah, alright. Tough turn, but sure, I'm all for it. Yeah, I feel like it's time for her to really take the voice that she has and add a little bit of extra spice. Sounds good. Okay, well, you heard it here first, 2025.

We know you've got a lot of bad stuff in store for us, but you know what? You could also give us some good stuff. More Muppets, kill half the characters in pretty much any franchise, and also, flow, get hip-hopping, I guess. Yeah, that's the term. Thanks for joining me on this little journey through what people should be doing this year. I am of course, Elliot Kalin joined by Dan McCoy and Stuart Wellington. I'd like to tell you real quick that we are a podcast on the Maximum Fund Network. Please check out the other Maximum Fund Podcast.

There's a lot of great ones on there and I think you'll like them. If you like this one, you'll probably like them. If you didn't like this one, try another episode. This one's out of the ordinary. I'd like to thank our producer, Alex Smith. you'll probably like them. If you didn't like this one, try another episode. This one's out of the ordinary. I'd like to thank our producer, Alex Smith. You can find him online performing music under the name Howell Doddy.

If you'd like to give us a review, a positive review I hope, on one of your podcast apps, that would be wonderful. Or maybe just tell somebody about the Flophouse if you liked it. Help us spread the word, you know? It's been great. And as I said before, if you can find it in your budget

to help out those who've been affected by the fires in my hometown of Los Angeles, I would greatly appreciate it. There's a lot of people in need and you can help change things and make things better for them. Even if it's just a little bit of money at a time, every little bit helps. For the Flophouse again, I have been Elliot Kalin

and my resolution is to give more credit and more talking time to my co-hosts. Dan McCoy. Stuart Wellington. All right, that's enough talking time. Bye. Bye. Maximum Fun.

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