The Flop House - FH Mini #149 - Fantasy Land March Madness

Episode Date: April 4, 2026

He missed March by four days, but hey, there's nothing in the rulebook that says Elliott can't lead us in a March Madness showdown to determine which cinematic fantasy land would be best to live in! Subscribe to our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets! It’s the best way to keep up on all things Flop House!

Hello listeners, welcome to the flop house. Mini. That's the mini voice saying mini. This is a smaller episode of the flop house. Half the time we watch a movie and we talk about it. But the other half of the time, we do other stuff. It could be anything, but usually it's anything that involves movies. I'm joined today by my regular subsidiary co-hosts.

Dan McCoy. Stuart Lenton Wellington. That's right. One of us has a middle name. Can you guess which one it is? It was a real time saver, Stuart, when you recorded that one thing of you saying your name and just play every time it's necessary. That's the thing. I'm working smarter, not harder.

Yeah, that's so true. Did I say my name? I can't even remember. Anyway, I'm Millie Kaelin. I don't know if I did. I'm Ellie Kaelin. I'm here with Dan and Stu. And today, guess what guys?

We're talking March Madness. Brackets time. Uh-oh. Everyone's doing brackets these days. Basketball brackets. Other kinds of brackets. Shelving. Shelving.

shelving brackets, right or lay a bracket, so many different brackets. And so today we're going to do some brackets. But these brackets are not- Lee bracket? Lee bracket? I don't know. I've never heard it said out loud. Okay, Lee bracket, sure.

Actor Eddie Bracken, again, not the same word, but it sounds kind of similar. Guys, here's the thing. What is really mad, what's real madness right now, is the state of the world we live in. Wow, truth-seller. I'm just saying what everybody knows in their hearts that things are cray right now and I don't mean cray fish which are delicious I mean more like the cray brothers

who were violent and terrible so I wanted to talk about other worlds other worlds we might rather live in fantasy worlds if you will and I wanted to do brackets of those that's right it's the March Madness Fantasy World where would you rather live showdown championships

so I'm going to go through lists of different fantasy worlds from films and I'm going to ask you guys to tell me which one you'd rather live in and they're going to do this bracket style. There's their pairups and the winners of those will move on to the next rounds. Now, I don't mean to cut your thing short, but if one of them is the world of Den in heavy metal, that's my pick and I'll just dip. Oh, I'm so sorry, Den did not make it past the qualifying round.

Yeah, yeah. I think it was, there was something about it. I don't know what it was. Probably that I forgot about it, but it didn't make it into the qualifying. round, so it is not one of them. But I think you'll find some worlds you might like. Now, the first round, of course, this is the Battle of the Ends.

That's right, two worlds that start with N, kind of, one of them actually starts with the effort for a movie that starts then. That is, would you rather live in Narnia from the Narnia films and books, or would you rather live in the never-ending story world of Fantasia? Narnia or the never-ending story world?

Cool. Pretty cool stuff. You know, here's the thing. Pretty cool stuff. Dan said that the least engaged. I've ever heard. Dan sounded like nothing more than my own dad on the phone when he asked me about how I'm doing. Yeah, he had substitute teacher energy of like, you know what the real six seven is.

Yeah, but chill down, guys. We've had fun, so I just... That was real guy thinking of what he's doing later energy. Yeah. Uh-huh. So I tell you guys about, like, my brief time as a substitute teacher. when my biggest triumph was some of the students were like,

Mr. McCoy, draw a scared cat. And I drew a scared cat on the blackboard. And they're like, wow, it really looks like. That's what the scared cat looks like. I've reached these children. Dan goes, you got to scare a lot of cats in real life so you know what one looks like. Yeah, that's Dan's turn his chair around backwards moment.

It's like, I've reached the kids by just to draw scared cats. Let's wrap around scared cats. So, Stuart, so Dan is often his own. fantasy land of the past. Imagining his past victories and conquests. Stuart, would you rather live in Narnia or the never-ending story? Okay, let me just work through this real quick.

So we got... So Narnia has evil Tilda Swinton. That's a plus. Yep. I mean, she's technically from another world, but she's in Narnia when it's introduced in the books, yeah. Yeah, so there's a lion that talks. There's a lot.

There's a talking Christ lion. There's also a wardrobe. I was going to say, but there is like... Like Santa, it's a little too Christian for me. I'm going to say, I'm going to go Neverending Story because there are those like Sphinx Babes that blast you with laser beams. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And there's like a nothing thing. Yeah, it's great. That's a plus to you? No, no, no. Nothing is a bad thing. Here's what I'm going to say. Yeah, but it gives, you know, the thing is

a hero is only defined by the villains that oppose him, right? Oh, I see. And the nothing's pretty powerful. And when I stop that bang, I'm going to look extra cool. So the older I get, the less you know, I grew up in a Christian household, but the less religious I get. I mean, you're just a, you're pretty much just a, you know, if you have to admit it, you're just a closet Satanist at this point, right?

You know, I'm, I believe. You only go twice a year to hell church, but, you know. I believe in a vague idea of being nice to be people. But, you know, C.S. Lewis, as Christian thinkers go, was not a terrible one. And the thing about Narnia is, like, once you get rid of, like, the best. bad stuff. Like those pevency kids, you know, hung out. There were kings and queens.

They had a great time for years and years and years. Yeah. Whereas never-ending story is being devoured by literal nothingness. So I think I would have to go with Narni. Yeah, but there's racing snails, dude. I mean, the stuff in it looks cooler. I got to give it that. So I'm going to, since we have a tie here.

There's a giant guy made out of rocks who eats rocks. He eats rocks. He's a rock cannibal. I am going to go, I'm going to be the tiebreaker here. I'm only going to step in when I have to break a tiebreaker. And I'm going to say, guys, once that nothing is taken care of, which it is at the end of the movie, I'm going to go never-ending story. You can ride a luck dragon, a racing snail, that bat gliding thing. Those, yeah, the pyramids who are just, they're not afraid to just go around topless or the sphinxes, you know, and not pyramid sphinxes.

Yeah, they're not. The pyramid head from Silent Hill going around Toplis. Whereas Narnia, Narnia is great, but you know what? I like the stuff. My favorite Narnia book, this is the magician's nephew, they don't spend that much time in Narnia in the magician's nephew, you know? So that tells me that Narnia is not the best. Okay, moving on, round two,

Star Wars, the Star Wars universe versus Thraw the planet from the dark crystal. Which fantasy world would you rather live in? A world of rebels fighting the empire across a far-flung galaxy and there's lots of talking bare men and stuff. I guess he doesn't talk, he just growls. You can be a pirate on a spaceship with a bear man as your co-pilot, or a world of Skexies and Gelflings and what are those little guys that just like to play music in the woods and, you know, hang out? Hippies.

Yeah, there you go. Would you rather live in a more George Lucasy fantasy world or a more Muppity fantasy world? I mean, like, oh, when you put it that way, it seems like I'm going to go Muppets. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Return of the Jedi has some Muppety characters in it. Yeah, that's true. And Yod is kind of a Muppet. Star Wars, like I love the look.

of the dark crystal. Star Wars is a much more enjoyable thing to watch than Dark Crystal, which I, despite my love of the artistry for it, I find kind of boring a lot of it. Wow. Wow. I think it's amazing, but also kind of boring. It can be two things.

That's true. It contains multitudes, yeah. Like, I love them both as worlds, but I have to be honest with myself that I want technology. I don't want to just be sort of wandering around in, like, the wilderness. You don't want to just be wearing kind of homespun clothes while you drink soup broth out of like a clay bowl.

Let me shape in clay bowl. That's what dark crystal life seems like to me. You are also suggesting that you crave the gentle hand of the empire, some kind of authority. Well, that's the problem. Regulating. Clearly there's this fascist government. I mean, that's the thing is. But I've gotten used to that.

When you live on fraud, at any point one of those big crab monsters, the Gartham, right, can just come and attack your observatory, your alchemist observatory. But in Star Wars, the Empire is there. You know that shit took forever to make. For sure, yeah. Yeah, we're under the thumb of the empire. They're smashing all her windows. Where is she going to get glass in thraw?

Who makes... The Skexies are also, like, doing bad shit. Like, I don't feel like either one of them is free from danger, so... Yeah, and the elder's kind of boring, right? They are, I will... The ancients, yeah, I will say this. The thing about the dark crystal that is its weakness to me is the ancients are very... But when they're going, oh...

Yeah. Even as a kid, I found that very dull. And I was like, give me some skexies. I want to see some skexies. So, Stuart, what about it? So Dan says the Star Wars universe. Stuart, what about you? Okay.

So I'm going to base this more on the fact that, so I love the dark crystal, but I don't need more of what, of that, of the dark crystal. One movie, that's absolutely enough. And I feel like Star Wars, at least there's a little more space. They've already given me too much. Pun intended. But there's a little bit more space to breathe.

So I feel like I'm going to go Star Wars just because I feel like there's a little more stuff to explore. Yes, that's true. It's multiple worlds. You could go to a desert world. You go to a frozen world. You go to a forest world. It's pretty much it. But Thraw is just the one place.

So Star Wars wins that one handily. I'm not that surprised. Going around three, I think we might have a ringer in this one. But this might be a tough one. It's Middle Earth or Oz 1939, Wizard of Oz version. Middle Earth or Oz from the 1939 I don't want to go to a fucking prison, dude.

Wait, which one's that? Not Oz, no, not Oz the television show. Oh, no. Oz from the Wizard of Oz. That seems like it was bad. No, no, that's not a fantasy world. That's an all too grim reality, unfortunately. Jeez, Louise.

Middle Earth, the world of hobbits and orcs and whatever, or Oz the world of munchkins and flying monkeys. again this depends on like when when we enter this world because like well let's talk about it uh as like obviously there's danger in that world but it feels less dangerous than you know saron uh you know sweeping over the land um but if what if you were there during the hobbit times yeah if we're doing it like like pre or post like i would love to be a hobbit that seems like kind of the ideal life. I bet Dan,

you would be a great hobbit. You would really fit in well. Living a little hole, eat just a bunch of meals all day and just smoke a pipe and you will not and get mad at people throwing your dishes around

while they're singing. Yeah, I could see you loving that. Yeah. No, I think for that reason I have to go Middle Earth. I have to. Stuart, what about you? What are you fucking idiot?

Wow. I figured that would be the response. I figured that would be the response. Okay, so Middle Earth wins that one. Yeah, I want to hang out with my fucking org buddies, Don't man flesh. That's what you want.

March around. Sing fucking songs. Oh, Hobbit, Dan, better watch out when Ork Stu shows up to attack the Shire. Or there's a whip. Or we could be unlikely friends. Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool. Yeah, maybe this is the story.

It's like a midnight run type thing or like some kind of mismatched buddy comedy between an orc and a Hobbit, you know? Yeah. That sounds great. Okay. Round four. Uh-oh, interesting. We have some more Oz's in the mix.

There's Oz Return to Oz. version or Oz wicked version. Which would you prefer to live in? Oz from the wicked movies or Oz from Return to Oz. One's terrible and one's kind of lame. So it's hard. I will say having rewatched Return to Oz recently, I liked it a lot more than I used to.

No, I think it's a good movie. It's just terrifying. It's a terrible place to live. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. It feels very sad. But that's because the Gnome King put everyone in his jail, you know, or whatever. So he made him all into little trinkets

in his halls. And I want to be clear. Like, I actually, I like the, I like the first Wicked movie just fine, but the second one I thought was so bad. No. I thought I'd say it was wicked. Pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah, this movie's Wicked pretty good. It's a Wicked okay. So why you go first, Stuart? Yeah, I mean, I'm completely unfamiliar with Return to Oz, so I think I'm going to have to pick Wicked just because.

But it is, it's a little bit too clean. That's the third movie. Wicked just because. It's like the first of it was Wicked, Chiching. That's what it's called. Yeah. No, I'm going to go with,

just because just the characters hanging around talking about the previous Wicked movies. Hey, remember that time when I went to school with you? And then it's just the whole, that whole sequence, the first movie, yeah. Even though it's deflating over time and I don't like the weird digital haze. I'm going to go with the world of Wicked as well. Just because I think living and everything.

return to Oz would be too scary. Okay. I guess it is very scary, but you love the handma. You love that it's practical effects. Yeah. From a distance, I'd rather, I think, watch Return to Oz again than... But you'd rather live in... I mean, Wicked has a functioning train system, whereas Return to Oz does not. So that right there.

Mass transit is helpful. All right. We're almost at the... We're almost ready for our break. We're always ready for the halftime show, which is just ads. But let's do just a couple more brackets. Let's see. Would you guys rather live on Skull Island from King Kong or the fairy tale land from Into the Woods? Which would you rather live in?

Skull Island or the fairy tale land. And now Skow Island, you could say, oh, then I'll just hop a ship and get back to regular non-fantasy life. No, you've got to stay on Skull Island. Okay. I'm going to have to go to Skull Island. You know, there's giant insects I can ride around on. There's a giant King Kong I can probably hang out. I feel like we'd get along, right?

Oh, I definitely think so. Yeah. I think so. So, like, yeah, we'd be buddies. And, like, and then he'd get in fights with dinosaurs and I get to watch that shit. That's cool. I, you know, like, all of these, I hate to be reductive, but it all sort of, like, goes down to, like, where do I feel, like, safer? And this one's actually kind of a hard call because initially you would think, like, oh, of course, into the woods, you'd feel safer than skull on it.

But in Into the woods, the narrator has been killed. Like, we're spinning into, you know, pure chaos. There's a giant's wife stomping around. There's a witch. There's a wolf. No happy endings are guaranteed. And you have to watch what you say because children will listen. And watch what you do because children will see.

So even though I have a greater fondness as a property for Into the Woods, I think I'm going to go with Stu. I think I'm going to go to Skull Island. I love that Skull Island. It's not as dangerous. Not as dangerous. Skull Island. You're liable to get eaten by any number dinosaurs. A lifetime of terror on Monster Island.

Don't worry. It's just a name. I thought it was just a name. What they meant was Monster Island is actually a peninsula. All right. We've got one more before we take our quick break. Would you guys rather live in Tune Town from Roger Abbott or Dinosaur City from the Mario Brothers movie, the old one?

I thought it was going to be cool world. Oh, damn. You know what? Should we do it? Should we then know Tune Town or Cool World Tune Town? No, you're the game master. What was it? Cool World or Dinosaur City?

No, that's not cool. Not cool. You know, one of my later ones, I'm going to change one of my later ones to Cool World. So, Tune Town from Roger Abbott or Dinosaur City from the original Superfire in this movie. Now look, I get it.

Tune Town, it's got to be annoying. They just don't fucking stop doing bits and shit. It's frenetic. But I think if you can get into the vibe, it works. And sometimes you'll go into Los Angeles. Yeah, it's hard. It's like the one time we see Bob Hoskins character,

Eddie Valiant, that's his name, go into Tune Town. It seems like a relentless series of terrors. Like, he is just being bedeviled on all ends by, you know, supposedly nice tunes, not even evil tunes, but like good tunes are like fucking with them left and right. Yeah, that's what it's too. But you know what?

I love those tunes. I love those wacky tunes. I think you guys are right about Tune Town. I think once you get into it, you'd be good. And also, Dinosaur City, there's no sunlight ever in that city. You would go nuts. At least we have a giant sun with a face that, like, winks at us. Exactly.

Who wouldn't want that, you know? We're just living in the eternal darkness of the cyberpunk dystopia of Dinosaur City, you know. Yeah. I mean, I'm surprised, Dan, that you didn't take it because it's, it's, Pretty sexy, Dinosaur City. But, you know. Dinosaur City, yeah. That's true.

But you know what? Tune Town wins. Let's take a break from the brackets. We just have a couple more in the first round to get through. But let's take a break. We've got a jumbotron sponsor to read today. Ooh.

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This is John Hodgman and Janifernic coming to you from the flight take. Please be comfortable. We have now reached our cruising altitude. Well, that's correct. You are now free to listen to the latest season of E. Pluribus Motto. As always, this season will discuss the official models of U.S. states and territories for your enjoyment. We'll cut the window. You'll see local iconography and creatures of all sorts. It'll be discussed this season, including California quails. Puerto Rican frogs. North Dakota horses.

Spiders of New Hampshire. And all matter of official and unofficial state critters. I've now turned on the enjoyment sign. So please start enjoying new episodes of V-Pluribus Motto every other week on Maximum Fun and wherever you get your podcasts. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your listen. Saginaw, Michigan, Galveston, Texas, Albany, New York, the twin cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul and Muncie, Indiana. We've just added these cities to the growing list of meetups on April 23rd for MaxFud Meetup Day.

Didn't hear your city or don't know where your local meetup is? Head to Maximumfund.org slash meetup, and we've got all the details there. And if you still don't see your city listed, host your own. Find somewhere, a park, library, cafe, bar, any public space a small group can hang. Then fill out the form at maximum fun.org slash meetup, and we'll add you to the page so other folks in your area can find. That's maximum fun.org slash meetup. Hope to see you on April 23rd. This week, the podcast is sponsored in part by Hems.

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things I always plug that I'm going to continue plugging. My new comic series Barbarian Behind Bars from Mad Cave Studios. It asks, what if a Conan the Barbarian type fantasy character ends up in prison? Then we have Harley Quinn, which I'm writing for DC Comics. We're about to start a storyline that I think people will like that has a lot of Batman stuff in it. And there's joke farming, my book about how to write jokes and how jokes work from University of Chicago Press, joke farming, available in e-book and in print. And before too long, I'm going to be recording an...

audiobook version of it. Ooh. Very exciting. Do you guys have anything you would like to plug before we move on with the brackets? Okay, welcome back to

March Madness, Fantasy World's brackets. We are almost done with our first round, and then we will see who goes into the semi-finals? I don't remember what order of the finals.

Anyway, guys, our next matchup. Not our area. Our next matchup was originally going to be Never, Neverland. from Peter Pan or the spirited away

bathhouse world but you know what I'm not gonna never never land out and replacing it with cool world because I know Dan loves it

so so where would you rather live in cool world where Hollywood if Holly could or the spirited away world where you can give a bath out you can give baths

to monsters and ride a sad train which would you prefer this is you know this or wait are we are we noids or doodles yeah

well think about it which would you if you were annoyed as you are now which as you are a human annoyed right you are not a doodle would you rather live in that world but also if you want to wait at where you're a doodle instead of annoyed

we could do it that way you know yeah if you're well the thing is if you're annoyed you can't have sex with doodles and seems like that's the only 90% of the only appeal of cool world because here's like to be frank like other than the sexiness of cool world that place seems irritating

there's constantly shit going on all over the place None of it seems to have anything to do with anything else. It's, you know, like the soundtrack is good, but it's loud and relentless. There's also, again, also no sunlight. I think it's always nighttime there. Yeah. I'm going to shock the world and say, I'm picking bathhouse.

I mean, that's like, it's just so chill and there's so many weirdos there, but like in a way that I don't find annoying. Yeah. As much as it might seem like I'd go cool world, I've got to go bathhouse, too. That's a calm. Tough one now. Spiritedaway bathhouse world, you guys are eager to have your parents turn into pigs so that you can give baths to fantasy, to frogs and big kind of gross, gopy guys. And then when I leave, I'm going to hold, I'm going to give them a toaster of them that has a chunk of pure evil. And I'm like, mom and dad, touch this thing.

So I can go back to hang out with my bathhouse buddies. Oh, that's a different thing. Now, we have one final first round duo that is, would you rather live in Barbie land from the. movie Barbie or Hi Boria, the home of Conan the Samarian. A savage world where the only law is your strong right sword hand. I'm going to jump in front of Dan here. Now, there's a second where I was like, oh, maybe I feel like I love the pinks and the bright colors and like the energy and, you know, the lessons we're learning in Barbie

world. But you know what? The only lessons I need come at the end of a blade. So take me to Hyboria, baby. Yeah, Krom doesn't get, he does not give you fancy clothing or a sense of style. He only gives you life and the strength to endure it. Dan, what about you? Would you rather live in Barbieland or Hyboria?

I, you know, I, no, I can't. I can't be a barbarian, number one. But number two, like, yeah, the vibes in Barbie land seem great. Like, in general, like, these days I think I have more closer male friends. but in general, I find women, like, easier to relate to, and it's a very women-centric society. Yeah, like, I would go to Barbie land. You know what?

As much as I enjoy stories set in savage fantasy lands where the only law is a strong sword arm, I think I would not want to actually comparing that to Barbieland, a place where it's mostly beach parties and having fun. I think I would go with you, Dan. So as the tiebreaker, I'm going to choose Barbie land. Sorry, Conan. Yeah, cowards.

Okay. Okay, moving on to the second round, we have some new matchups for based of our winners. So first, there's the never-ending story world, Fantasia, or the Star Wars universe. Which would you rather live in? Never-ending Storyland or Star Wars? Again, I just, there's cool stuff in Never-ending Storyland. I just can't deal with the idea of a wave of nothingness coming in. You're just saying Jonathan Brandes is stuff?

Even if, that's what I'm saying, even if we conquer it, even if, like, things turn out all right, like, that is such a horrifying concept. You're always going to be afraid of the nothingness coming back as that is, whereas, again, the cradling, loving, paternal arm of the empire. Look, there's so many pockets of the universe. The trains run on time is what he's saying. Yeah, the space trains run on time, yeah. You know, even if they got to go to Dagabah where no one cares about anything, like. Yeah, where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda. That's from the song Yoda by Weird Al Yankajic.

No, I context clues. I'm not. I'm going to go Star Wars. What do you say, Stu? Yeah, I'm going to go Star Wars. I mean, I'm going to hang out. I don't be a fucking bartender or work at Dexter, Jetster's fucking diner or something. That is true.

There are a couple, I think we've talked to those four. There are only a few jobs in the Star Wars universe. You can be a smuggler, a soldier, a bounty hunter, or a food service worker, or live music performance artist. Those are the five jobs that you can have. And maybe like a mechanic. You know, you can be like a mechanic that works on spaceships. So, okay.

So the Star Wars universe advances to the next round. Let's see. What's going to advance in this next matchup? That's Oz from the Wicked Movies or Middle Earth, which would you prefer to live in? Oh, it's unreal mystery. From the wicked movies. Yeah.

Middle Earth is a pretty easy choice for me to make again. I love how Dan's like, I can't deal with and nothingness, but the shadow of Soron over the land, you know what? Maybe I'll just sit in my hole and just eat spice cakes. Let the world of the big people sort of itself out. The Shire might burn

one time. It might be scoured once. It might be a little bit of scouring. Just a little bit of scouring. I mean, I feel like that's a plot hole because shouldn't the hobbits have just not led Sharky in, you know? Sharky's machine, though. It's hard to let that in.

Yeah. That's true. Yeah. So the Middle Earth advances, not a surprise. What a rich fantasy world. Speaking of rich fantasy worlds, let's look at our next round. It's Skull Island, King Kong's home and Tune Town, where all the tunes live. Would you rather live in Skull Island,

a land of jungles, prehistoric creatures, and danger, or Tune Town, a land of mixing IP and frenetic violence? And the chance of a piano falling on you and crushing. You might have a piano fall on you. You might have a lady go, oh, man, and then chase after you, you know? A lady? Lena Haie.

Sorry, I apologize. And what cartoon is she from originally? I don't know. Stewart? What are you going to get on? I'm going to, you know, I'm going to go to tune down. You know, it's a reflection. Yeah, it's a reflection, I think, of the inside of my brain.

Like the closest to any of these of just like what's going on in my head is Tune Town. So I mean, I bet I get it, but also like, Dan, I feel like you would feel right at home in Toontown. But also, going by some of the standards you were suggesting earlier, Skull Island seems cool. But Toontown is a place where even as frenetic as it is, you have a house with a roof over your head. Yeah. You know, you can drive a car. It might. That house might explode and your hair all sticks up and you have stood all over you.

But you'll make it another one thing. If you explode, you don't die. You're just all black for a while. Whereas Skull Island, you better believe you're going to die if you explode. You know, there's so many things. as they can kill you. Where's Tone Town Town. Tone. Tone. Tone. Town is just more about a feel, man. Take me to Tone Town.

Tune Town. You're not going to die. That's a jazz club in Tune Town. Actually, was Eddie Valiant in real danger in Tune Town or no? He wouldn't die as long as he was there. I think he, like, I think he, like, or something. I don't remember. Well, it happens with it. Well, because the ground is animated as well. Oh, okay.

And there's going to climb that a hole, but he's still alive. Yeah. Or maybe the rest of the movie is a dream he's having in the last one. moments before he dies in Toon Town. It's possible. Yeah. Now, let's move on to this next, the next round of the final round of the semi-finals, or quarter-finals, whichever it is.

We've got the spirited away bathhouse versus Barbiland. Would you rather be in a, in a Japanese world of steamy public baths and delicious treats? Filled with aliens and monsters. Or are filled with Yokai of all forms? Thank you. Or would you rather live in Barbieland where... It's just kind of a like 24-hour party, but there's this kind of a pit of emptiness

at the core of it that Barbie has to figure out. Yeah. And would you guys be Ken's, or would you be a different type of doll? Honey, basically. I'd probably do that Michael Sarah one. Yeah, yeah, I think so. And Stuart, you'd be a Ken probably.

Yeah. Yeah, it'd be Old Ken. The, no, I mean... The Old Ken Chronicles. He has to travel the world. Yeah. With a walking stick and a long beard, yeah. Yeah.

No, take me back to that bathhouse. I mean, no filmmaker has ever made food look as delicious as my as I. I'll give you that. When the parents are eating that food and turning into pigs, I'm like, yeah, the same thing would happen to me. Everything looks fantastic. Looks great. Yeah. Here's the thing.

In Barbie land, do I not have genitals? Yes. That's a big negative. but what do I hate more? Whereas the Spirit of Way Bathhouse, you're just fucking like crazy. Well, there's not only going to think of fuck there. No, you're constantly, you're constantly sneaking into the back room with a frog or a big chick or something like that, a big bird. Yeah.

But the thing about that guy who works the bellows, the furnace in the bottom has got a lot of arms. What can he do with those, you know? If there's one thing I hate more than anything, I think it's uncertainty. Yeah. It's like not. We can see how the nothing The nothingness really strikes a nerve with you. It really bothered you.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's that uncertainty. And the Spirit of Away World, I would constantly be like, what the fuck is going on? What are the rules here? I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. So I think I've got to go with Barbie. Okay.

So we got another tie. Another tie. Spirit Away Bathhouse versus Barbieland. Here's the thing. I like the movie Spirited Away more. But I feel like it's the difference of do I work at the bathhouse or am I a customer at the bathhouse? Because it seems pretty stressful to work there.

Customers constantly coming in. They all have different needs. You got to get those different tiles to get the right bath salts and things like that and bath bombs. But if I'm a customer there, oh man, what a sweet place to be. It seems so relaxing.

You know, it just seems so like your every need is taking care of whether you're a giant frog or a big baby chick or whatever that kind of like octopusy type guy is who's like all big and takes up the elevator.

Roger Moore. Yeah, that octopozy guy, Roger Moore. So actually, and I think, to be honest, Barbieland, I think the colors would start to hurt my eyes after a little while. It's a little too bright. So you know what? I'm going to say if I'm a customer, spirited away bathhouse. Sorry, Barbieland.

A nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want with you. Yeah. It is surprise. Well, this is like, I did this. So I was on the screen drafts podcast with Jordan Morris, where they do like kind of this kind of brackets. Were they the kind of, you kind of, not brackets, but you draft things into a list of movies.

And it was supernatural kids. And as we went through it, it seems so clear to me that Kiki's delivery service was like the best movie about a supernatural kid. Like I just love that movie. So there's something about Miyazaki is magic. You know, his movies are magic, and they make the things that are in them seem really magical.

There's something like, Miyazaki understands the magic of like a, like a package wrapped in paper with string tied around it or something like that. Or a, like a wooden cabinet. with like a hot teapot on an old stove or something like this. And it just makes everything seem really wonderful to be around. Even when a bloody dragon is crashing through the windows of the bathhouse or three weird

heads are just bouncing around going roll, roll, roll. It still seems magical and really nice to be there. Even when some kind of ancient bio weapon is coming out of a mountain and scaring everybody, there's still something kind of like, well, I'd love to be there. That sounds really great. Yeah. Yeah, even when you're an injured boy and there's this heron yelling at you. Like, it still seems nice.

Exactly. Even when you're designing aircraft for the Japanese Air Force before World War II, like it's still, you know, still seems like a sweet place to be. Even when your mom is sick. Even when you're like, you got a friend, you got a neighbor. I mean, well, that's, I mean, that's also, that's the thing. Like, like, that motoro is such a, is such a fantastic movie. And like, so, like, even when you're like running around looking for your missing sister,

and you're upset. Like, it's still like, oh, this seems like a great place to be. I really love this. You get to bounce on a big cat creature. Yeah, and you know, and you get to ride in a bus that's a cat, you know,

and in the end you get to visit your mom and she's going to be okay. What a good movie. All right, guys, you know what? It's too bad Totoro Land couldn't be in here because it's not really like a place. It's just Japan's called Japan, too. No, it's not a fantasy place.

Oh, yeah. So let's go now to the semifinals. This is what's going to decide our final matchup of the episode and our first one this is going to be a tough one guys the Star Wars universe

versus Toon Town where would you rather live would you rather live in the galaxy a long time ago in a far far away I got a worded that weirdly or Tune Town the place where funny ideas live and breathe

this is this is where finally the oppressive government comes into play because okay Interesting. You know, look, there's no equivalent danger in Tune Town. There's talk of Tune Town being demolished, but that's staved off by the end of the film.

And that's not the Tunes fault. That's not inherent to Tune Town. I mean, that is a Tunes fault. It is a Tune's fault, but that tune has, like the pigs at the end of Animal Farm, has kind of gone native with live action humans. But that's the sort of uncertainty about the future that I've learned to live with in my day-to-day life, you know. So I think I'm going to have to go to Tune Town in this case. It's a surprise pick. I'm actually, this is a weird one, but I think,

I feel like having the oppressive government will give me my life meeting. It'll give me something to fight against. Well, Stuart, have I got news for you? Oh, boy, guess what? The opportunity is here. And I fight against it in the ways that I can. And I feel like the,

I feel like Tune Town is this chaotic thing that I can't necessarily add anything to. But it's a tough call. I think I'm going to go Star Wars. Tough call. And it's hard. So I'm going to have to be the tiebreaker on this between Star Wars and Tune Town. And it's tough because, again,

Tune Town is frenetic. You will never get a good night's sleep. That's for sure. Because your eyelids will always pop back up again like blinds that you've pulled. down. Whereas Star Wars, I don't know. When I was a kid, I think I would have loved to have lived in the Star Wars world because it seems so exciting. And now when I watch the Star Wars movies, I do get more of a sense of like just the oppressiveness and the lack of your life is entirely

defined by the existence of the empire, whether you are avoiding it or you're living in the kind of shadowy underworld that is the result of it, or you are a, the only way to escape, it seems to be like a farmer off on a far off planet somewhere, at least on the fringes of that, but even then there's your local gangsters. It's an idea of the universe that is entirely about kind of sinister power taking hold.

And even in the prequels, when it's the Republican, it's supposed to, things are ostensibly maybe a little better. There's still a sense of a, like a, an exhaustedness of the universe, a lack of inspiration in the people of the universe.

A, a feeling of better times were always in the past. There was always a goal. During the empire. Like the days of Darth, Plageus the Wise. Exactly. Yeah, when you're living under the empire,

you wish for the old republic. When you're living in the old republic, you're wishing for the golden age of the Jedi, you know, and I feel like, I think living in a world that is like that now, where people are always yearning for a past that maybe didn't actually really exist,

compared to the eternal now of Toontown where there is nothing but possibility, maybe too much possibility, but they really force you to live in the moment because if you don't, an anvil will fall on your head and crush you and flatten you down, there's something exciting about that. And so I'm going to pick Tune Town.

Wow, okay. Real out. That's a huge upset. A huge upset. A huge upset. A lot of people... Talk about IP's funny joke. Luckily Disney owns it all.

So who will Tune Town be up against in the final battle? Because there's only thing, is it the spirited away bathhouse or Middle Earth? Stuart, it's going to, you're going to have to, this is like cutting a baby in half for you. This can be hard, yeah. Don't do that, by the way.

This is L.A. Kaelin endorsing not cutting babies in halves. Unless you're in tune down. Unless you're in tune down, which case. Stewart, go for it. You go first in this one. Middle earth versus the spirit away bathhouse. This is a really tough call. Stewart's thinking.

I feel like. You can see how difficult it is for him. It's written on his face. Yeah. I think. I have to go Middle Earth. He's being true to himself, everybody. He's being true to himself.

He can't fault him for that. You know, it seems like I'm just trying to create drama. But here, like the last matchup, here's where the danger of the world really, like, starts to come into play and flips things. Because as much as hobbity as my interests are, I feel like a world with that kind of violent danger in it versus a bathhouse where I just might be weirded out by some stuff.

I got to go with a bathhouse. At worst, you would have to be a worker at the bathhouse. Yeah. And honestly, there's joy in that job. There is a spirit away. But it's, so you're going to say spirit away. I think I'm going to, hmm, so it's a tie again, Middle Earth versus Spirited Away. You know what?

I'm going to be Dan on this one. That the Dan of the past, I think despite the danger of Middle Earth, you could live a couple hundred years as a Hobbit, just maxing and relaxing, seeming to have no job whatsoever. So it's not even the choice between bathhouse attendant and bathhouse guest. You don't have to worry about that because you know what? You can kind of be both when you're a hobbit. You can work for enjoyment and also enjoy as your work. And so I'm going to say Middle Earth, strangely enough, instead of the Spirit Away bathhouse, even though the food in Spirit Away looks much better to me than the Middle Earth food.

I do not want to eat whatever, like dry spice cakes or whatever they're eating in a huffetown. I don't want it. As opposed to an endless Japanese food buffet, yes, I would much rather have it. You don't just want to eat an uncooked fish? No. Or taters, precious?

And so that brings us to our final matchup of the brackets. Which fantasy world would be the one that you guys will be living in because let's reveal how it works, folks. Whichever you choose, you will have to go living at the end of this show. It would have been a wild matchup, by the way.

Tune Town versus Spirit in a way. I couldn't have done it with two cartoons, I think, would be two. Wouldn't, would be no good. Well, you know what? Should we, should we do an upset audience? No, no, no, no. Stick with the. Actually, actually, as our side event, Tune Town or the Bathhouse, which would you guys

live in? The Bathhouse, right? Bad house. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Would you rather live in Tune Town from Roger Rabbit or Middle Earth from the Lord of the Rings, movies, and television shows and books? You know, which would you rather have? again, the frenetic individual expression and excitement of Tune Town

or the living under a shadow of danger, but it's a little bit easier going. Yeah, you put your finger right on it. For me, at this point, it's got to come down to vibes. You know, like the frenetic vibe versus pretty chill vibes considering everything that's going on. And I've got to go with the chill vibes of Middle Earth. Yeah, I'm going to ride around on my eagle friends,

and we're going to have all kinds of good times. It's got to be Middle Earth for me. Okay. Sorry, tunes. You're choosing Middle Earth. But you know what, guys? As is my prerogative as the games master today. You're sitting straight to hell.

Exactly. You just unlocked the lament configuration. Uh-oh. I always knew that was going to happen. What if that was one of the, I should have put that in one of the fantasy worlds is the centibite dimension. See, you guys want to stay there.

I'm like, yeah, they have such things to show you. Kind of. They keep saying there's things. I want to see it. Do you think Pennhead's ever like, nobody ever wants to see our things? We just want to show them our things. Pennhead, can I just have the horny stuff without the barbed wire? No, they're two sides of the same coin, the bin line between pain and pleasure.

Nobody ever wants to play my games with me. I'm going to say, guys, yeah, so Middle Earth is the winner. But that being said, that's the great thing about human imagination is we can go wherever we want in these fancy worlds. So why don't, Stu, Dan, me, I paid for us each to have a. session of hot tubbing, massage, and endless Japanese food at the Spiritedway Bath House. So as we go and disrobe and get towels on and hang out with a bunch of frogs and yokai and things like that, I'll just say thank you for joining us today to our listeners as we decided that Middle Earth, I guess, is the specifically the Shire, Hobbit Town, is the place that we want to

live the most of all these fantasy worlds. The world we live in is, unfortunately, not a fantasy, but maybe we can do things to make it a little better than it was before. It may never be perfect, but we can make it better. Thank you so much for listening. We are a product of the Maximum Fun Network, rather an associate of it.

They don't produce it. We are produced, in fact, by Alex Smith, our producer and editor. He goes by Howell Doddy online and check out his comedy and music. He's an immensely talented individual. We're lucky to have him in our lives. If you want to try other MaxFunn podcasts,

I would advise you too. I think they're great. The Max Fun Drive is coming up next month, and that's your time to show your support. and we appreciate ahead of time that you're doing that. Until then, we'll be back next week with another movie to talk about as we, but we're super relaxed because we spent all that time at the Spirit of Way Bathhouse and then hung out in our Hobbit Hole, just eating spice cakes and what kind of bread was it, Stuart?

Limbus. I'm not Stuart, but I was closer to the microphone. No, you're Stewart now. You answered to his call. Oh, wow. Until next time. Until next time, I'm Elliot Kaelin. I've been Damocool.

I'm still Stewie Wellington. Are you going to switch? See you. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artists-owned shows. Supported directly by you.