The Flop House - FH Mini #161 - Magazine Quizzes

Episode Date: October 24, 2026

Elliott takes us through some 100% real, not just some shit he made up, totally legit magazine quizzes from the past.Tickets for FLOP TV SEASON FOUR are available! Go pick up a pass for individual episodes or the whole dang season! Subscribe to our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets! It’s the best way to keep up on all things Flop House! And please leave us a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts (or wherever you listen). It helps us keep the podcast healthy! Help support this show and unlock bonus content! Become a member at https://maximumfun.org/joinflop

Welcome, listener. Maybe by mistake, maybe by twist of fate, you have stepped into a flop house mini. That is an episode of the flop house where we don't talk about a bad movie, but instead we do whatever we want. My name is Ellie Kaelan. I'm joined today by my regular co-host, Dan.

Stu, what are your names? Stuart Wellington. Now I'm going to drop the pretense because this mini is actually not about spooky scary stuff or about Gothic art. We're just recording it in the spookiest season of all. September. September 29th, but it's airing much later.

Yeah, yeah, that's spooky season to German people. I mean, I've already started my Halloween movie watching. Oh, what have you started with? When do you stop Halloween movie watching? Well, it is, I mean, like I'll watch horror movies all year, obviously, but there's a greater intensity around the mid-September because I'm like excited that Halloween's on the horizon. Yeah, so he wolfed down some candy.

Yeah, like through, yeah, the end of October. By that time, I've gorged myself and I'm sick of it. I'm like, I want to see a movie. You're eating candy wearing one of those old-timey costumes that's like a picture of the character you're supposed to be on the plastic sheet you're wearing. The mask is connected by a little string of elastic in the back. Exactly, yeah.

But by November, you know, I want to see a movie where no one gets eviscerated. Do they make movies? like that. There's like a laugh. There's some laughs and you know, maybe some kissing. Well, guys, I'm glad we got to talk a little bit about movies because today we're not going to be talking about movies. No. I was thinking about two things that I love that I feel like are not functioning the way that they used to when I was young. And that's television and magazines. And my prostate. And that's television and my hair. So like me, you guys probably grew up reading magazines and maybe taking magazine quizzes.

And so I wanted to take you through a few magazine quizzes that I found. These are real quizzes from real magazines about real TV shows. And I say real with a wink. But these are quizzes for these are these are. I don't know what to believe anymore. Yeah. The blog has just been pulled from under me. Yeah, watch out.

Smile too. We're going to talk. We're going to, I'm going to run you through a couple of magazine quizzes about TV shows. And so this is a quiz I found an issue of Men's Health magazine from 1989 and it says are you an Alf male?

And it starts with this intro. There's a certain kind of man who is as envied and admired as he is magnetically attractive to potential sexual partners. These men are dominant, assertive, confident, and successful. To put it more simply, they are Alf males. Do you have what it takes to be an Alf male? Take our quiz and see how you match up to the most

alf male of all, the original Alf. But watch out. You may discover that you are in fact the opposite of an alf male, a willie. So are you guys ready to take this quiz? Are you worried you're going to find out you're a willie? Yes, Stuart, Stuart, I'm beginning to suspect that some of the things that Elliot said in the introduction may not be true. These are real quizzes, Dan.

These are real quizzes I found in real magazines. R-E-E-L quizzes? Exactly. Brought to you by Coca-Cola or whatever. Yeah, exactly. This is the movie I made. Come watch it. And then the movie's always about someone drinking Coca-Cola.

I mean, it's still a movie, dude. I'm not to tell you. That's what's supposed to. There's only one movie about... There's two movies about drinking Coca-Cola. That's one, two, three, the Billy Wilder movie, and Mac and Me. Those are the two movies about... The gods must be crazy.

Was that? No, you're right. There's three movies about... But that's just the bottle. They don't drink it. It's not the memory of Coca-Cola. The ghost of a Coca-Cola in that bottle. Yeah, still haunting it.

I'm saying why I've seen it corn. That's one of those movies. When I was a kid, my parents were always talking about what a funny movie the gods must be crazy was. They were like, this is the funniest movie. And I remember watching it being like, I don't understand. This movie is not funny to me. George Burns.

I mean, I remember finding it funny as a kid. Now I feel like I would find issue with its cultural sensitivity, probably. Yeah, probably. So let's take this quiz. This is a real quiz for Men's Health Magazine from 1989. Are you an Alf Mail? Question number one. How would you describe your planet of origin?

A, recently destroyed. B, in the process of being destroyed. In the process. Yeah, B. Okay, so B for both of you, okay. So question number two, do you refuse to give up your childlike joy and youthful zest for life even as you approach your 228th birthday? A, yes, B, no. Well, this is hard because I don't think I have a lot of zest for life, but I still am very childlike.

Yeah. So I think I'll say I do. Okay, so yes. Okay, what about you still? I'm going to agree. Okay, yes. I still have a childlike sense of wonder about me. Okay, number three, question number three, this is a real quiz.

When you encounter a cat, what is your first instinct? A, to cuddle with it and treat it as a beloved pet, B, to eat it whole between two enormous pieces of bread. So, A, would you cuddle a cat or B, would you eat it whole between two enormous pieces of bread? That's a good question. Well, I think I would cuddle it. Okay. I guess as an owner of two cats.

Do you ever eat them between two enormous pieces of bread? Between two enormous pieces of bread. Do you ever eat them without the bread? Or I would not eat them in any form. In a car, you would not eat them very far. Yeah, in a fox. Or in a box. Yeah.

Did a... No, I'll ask this after. Okay. Question number four. Are you frequently naked in public? A, yes, B, no. In public. More often than you'd think.

Okay. So that's a yes for Stewart. Yeah, I'd say no for me. Okay, no for Dan. Dan has shame. Question number five. On the rare occasions... On the rare occasions that you wear clothing, do you favor A, loud, bold colors, rock star costumes, and a lack of pants,

B, a subdued Normcore wardrobe. I mean, I think this is pretty obvious, but I'm an A all the way. This is an A for Stewart for sure, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't go so far as to call it Normcore. That seems a little extreme, but I'm closer to B. Okay. Let's give you a B. Okay, six.

Have you ever hosted a short-lived talk show? A, yes, B, no. Hosted. Hosted, yes. I mean, the peach pit, so yeah. I know. Stewart gets an A, yeah, sure. I've been involved with a short-lived talk show.

Hosted, Dan. Have you ever hosted? No, I haven't personally hosted. All right. Okay. Did you show up to work ever and be like, we should try and mix it up? Let me be the host.

Yeah. This is a story that, a story that was once told me by another Daily Show writer was that he was an intern at the Howard Stern show and one day the interns were like Howard gets the host to show every day when do we get the host to the show

so question number seven have you ever been described by someone other than yourself as a party animal a yes B no yes no okay question number eight do you have trouble? I think this is moving in a direction

that I think we all could have foreseen we don't know we haven't finished with the quiz yet question right Do you have trouble maintaining serious conversations due to your desire to deliver zany wisecracks and tell bizarre, sometimes disturbing stories about where you grew up? A, yes, or B, no? You know, I was just thinking earlier today, I was at yoga class. You know, Shavasana gives you a little time to think.

And I started thinking, do I derail too many conversations with jokes? Is my insatiable need to make a joke at all times a bad thing? But I do think that I'm not like many comedians I've met over the years. I'm not unable to stop bits. So this one's a hard one to say because I do think that my instinct is always to make a joke. But I can halt the bits. So I guess I'll say no. Okay, so no.

Stuart, do you have trouble maintaining a serious conversation? due to your desire to deliver Zany wisecracks and tell bizarre sometimes disturbing stories about where you grew up? I do, but I think I'm more... I think I've grown up enough that I think I'm actually a B. I think that's the work

that me and my therapist have done together. Okay, you guys did not fall into the trap that this quiz says because there's actually an asterisk that says if you answer A, you may not be an alpha male but in fact rose from Golden Girls. So you guys are not rows from Golden Girls, yeah. Question number nine,

could you be described as her suit? I mean, I've got a beard, so I guess I'll say yes. Okay, that's an A for yes for Dan at Stewart. I'm going to say no for you, right? Yeah, everything's shaved. Yeah, all of it. All of it. Even the inside.

Question number 10, despite, they're like, no, you need those in your lungs. Those are the little things that the oxygen molecules attention. Yeah, I don't need to use those little hairs. No, just in case, yeah, the concert I went to. Dr.in. Question number 10. despite being a charismatic wisecracker, do you frequently hide when strangers enter your home?

Yes. Okay. And Stuart? No. Okay. Nope. I make myself known. Okay.

Question number 11. Do you always act like you've got something stuck up your butt? Always? I mean, I think there are times. You saw me after the show in Louisville. There's a lot of dancing. So, wait. Would that you're dancing because you had something stuck up your butt?

No, I'm saying no. I'm saying, I don't think I always act like there's something stuck up my butt. I don't believe that I act like there's something always stuck at my butt either. Okay, you don't act like there's something stuck up your butt. I mean, that could be an alf or a willie when you think about it. And finally, question number 12, have you ever come back in pog form? A, yes, B, no. I never went away, baby.

That's a no, okay. Stuart, have you ever been a Pog? You ever came back a pod form? Have I ever been a pog? I don't mean... Now we're getting to the real question. I mean, I feel like I'd be a fucking slammer pog at least, right? You would be, but have you been?

Not would I be. Have you been? Oh, this is not a would I be question. No, this is a in your past history. Have you ever come back as a in pod form? He'd be a salmon. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to say no.

I don't think I was ever a pogged. Let me... So it says for every A, give yourself one point for every B, take away one point. So let's take a look at this. Negative one. 0-0-0, negative 1, negative 2, negative 3, negative 4, 3-2-1-0. Contact. So Dan has a score of 0, and Stewart has score of negative 1-0.

1, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 1.0, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. You both scored 0s. Oh, I'm so sorry. You both scored 0, that means it says 0 to 7. Well, if you had gotten 8 to 12 points, you would be an alf. It says, congratulations, you are an alf male. Everyone thinks you are hilarious and lovable, no matter how much trouble you cause for other people. People expect to be fed, housed, and cared for while contributing next to nothing in return

except a rise in the general level of stress. That's not either of you. Instead, you have zero points. So you are a Willie says, sorry, you are a Willie. Despite being the single person in your social unit who pays all the bills and keeps things from collapsing into chaos, you are rightly seen as an uncooled that nobody likes. Oh, so you guys are both willies. Neither of you is an health male.

Yeah. I mean, I think it's fair. I mean, yeah, I mean, that's at this point in my life, your health days are past. Yeah. That does seem fair. We're going to do one more quiz. Maybe I could turn it around, guys. Yeah.

You could turn around to get my luck. Never too late to be an elf. I think you were kind of on the cusp until those last, unless, if you come back as a pog, Stuart, then you're well on your way to becoming an elf. Yeah. I don't make a pogg of stew. I feel like, I feel like depending on how, you know, how time makes Ewach's

of us all, I think there's a chance that certain old men can become alfs where they just like contribute nothing except for general strength. Oh, my dad is definitely on the way to becoming an alf for sure. And probably likes the occasional loud print button-down shirt. Oh, he loves them, but he doesn't get to wear them that much. Yeah, exactly. My dad does wear some of those, but his only pants of choice right now are overalls. Because of simplicity, I think.

Those feel like the most alf of pants because it's the easiest to take off. He just undo the straps and falls down on its own accord. Although he wears overalls all the time, and sometimes he wears a yellow shirt under it. And it's like grand nephews or like calling him a million. Does he, and he doesn't get it? He also wears goggles at the same time. And he's sort of a gibberish language. He loves bananas.

He's always like, I want that bag, a bad bad! Yeah, exactly. So funny. He did someone inadvertently dressing as a minion. I just put on my yellow shirt and my overalls and my black boots and my black rubber gloves

and suddenly people called me a minion. I understand. Just doing some work on the car. I'm not a minion. I'm not 10 Jewish men. Anyway, so quiz number two. Here's one more quiz. Then we'll take a short break

and then we'll go to our final quiz. Quiz number two. So this is from a real quiz from an issue of Cosmopolitan from 1996. Cool. This is a real quiz that I found. Going through these magazines. And this quiz is called,

am I a Murphy Brown or a Zena Warrior Princess? Oh, okay. Let's find out which of these you guys are. Yeah. So, question number one, what is your ideal job? A, hosting a news magazine show that carries itself as if it's doing something important, but merely reinforces the centrist assumptions of the larger culture, or B, Warrior Princess.

What is your ideal job? I don't think it's any surprise that I'm going to be on that one. Okay. Stuart, I mean, sorry, Dan, what about you? I don't think my skill set is right for it. Warrior Princess? I much prefer the idea of being a warrior princess. Okay.

All right. You'd both rather be a warrior princess. Question number two. What regrettable backstory do you carry with you in forming your present actions? A, alcohol addiction. B, a past career is a ruthless pirate and warlord known as the destroyer of nations. I mean, I guess if I had to pick one, probably closer to A. I mean, I feel like I'm closer to B.

because my alcohol issues are kind of present. They're not in the... Oh, I see. It's not a backstory. I'm going to call that in A. You're like, technically, it's not backstory. It's current story. Question number three.

What would I consider appropriate work attire? A, a business suit with enormous lapels and shoulder pads, the perfect thing to fire a secretary in. B, a leather and silver breastplate and skirt that imply more bare skin than they actually should. show because, hey, let's remember, this is basic cable syndication. So what is your appropriate work attire? Like a business suit with big lapels and shoulder pads or sort of leather,

kind of like Roman-ish, medievalish type outfit? Well, I do think I'd look really good in those fucking giant shoulder pads. I think you would. I think of a lot of a shirt. I mean, I'd also look good in that. So the quiz was illustrated with a picture of Murphy Brown where she's wearing this, this like reddish pinkish blazer. Yeah.

It looks like she's about to go fox hunting, but the lapels and the shoulders are so huge. And Stuart, I think you would look great in that jacket. Thank you. Yeah. It was like a blouse with like a white kind of like askot or scarf. Yeah, I think you'd look great.

That's business. I still have jackets with like a certain amount of structure in the shoulders, which on my already kind of large shoulders look like I'm wearing giant shoulder pads. Like fucking Max headroms over here. Yeah, I guess that would be that one. So that one, yeah. Question number three, how would you handle public criticism of your private life by Vice President Dan Quail?

A, give a heartfelt speech defending yourself on your news magazine show, FYI. B, defeat your foe with PG-level violence involving a lot of throwing things and knocking your enemy unconscious. And like a little like a battle cry, like la la la la la, la. Probably, yeah. Would like, you know, like just like getting real cranky on social media count as like violence? No, that feels like heartfelt speech on your news. news magazine show more than more than It's not heartfelt.

I wouldn't give him any. Still, I think, I think it's more of more, it's more talking on TV is closer to social media crankiness than an actual physical fight. Sure. But what I see what you're trying to get you would be more in the way of like verbal

violence than it was a heartfelt. I mean, that's pretty PG. Verbal violence is pretty PG unless you're using the effort more than once. I guess you're steering me towards heartfelt. No, I mean, it doesn't feel right to me. It's possible. It's possible that what it's actually happening.

is Dan, you have to answer the question. You're the one taking this magazine quiz. It sounds like you want to say it's violence, so I'll give you violence. Yeah, yeah. Stuart, what about you? How would you handle your criticism by Vice President Dan Quayle? You know, I would, I feel like I would bring it right from the heart, you know. Okay, I think so too.

Keeping in mind that if you were to assault Vice President Dan Quail, you would go to jail. Here's my next question in this quiz. How would you handle an attack by your arch nemesis, Callisto, who has sworn vengeance against you for the actions you took in your previous life? A, give a heartfelt speech defending yourself on your news magazine show, FYI, or B, defeat your foe with PG-level violence involving a lot of throwing things and knocking your enemy unconscious. Now, here I would go the opposite direction. Really?

Well, I'd be scared of Callisto. Oh, okay. I've seen what she can do. I'm not going to try and engage in hand-to-hand combat. I'm going to give a heartfelt speech. Okay. What about you, Stewart? No, I'm going straight for the violence.

Okay. Colistone knows what's happening. All right. It'd be a lot of grappling. A lot of grappling. and a lot of like and then kind of the grapple breaks

you both kind of thrown back you know you'd bring in a stunt double to do a flip for you but there'd be a flip I bet I could do a flip I don't do it right now put your money where your mouth is dude

flip it up and then you just hear just hear a slam on the floor and just go and we go we go straight to the technical difficulties screen yeah

here's next question do you have a live in artist who never seems to finish painting your house. A, yes, I am a rich TV personality and I'm happy to personally embody the media's capture of artistic impulse for its own greedy uses. B, no, I do not have a house.

I am a wandering warrior princess. Mm-hmm. I mean, I don't, I mean, I live in an apartment. I don't have... Kind of like a wandering warrior princess. I mean, Stuart, I think you do have a live-in artist because you're always painting those miniatures and you're never done, right?

It's true. You are that living artist. I don't have an eldest. Yeah, Eldon was his name right. Eldon, yeah. Eldon Ring. Like the Elton Ring. Yeah.

Oh, Eldon Ring. I think that's a crossover, Murphy Brown and Eldon Ring. I think it was certainly inspired. I feel like Miyazaki was a huge Murphy Brown fan. I have avoided at all cost ever painting the walls on any apartments I've been in. So I have to go the other way. You have to go B. So, Stuart, are you going to say A yes or B no?

You're right. I'm an A. I like to pay. And you're never done. And I'm a real patron to art. And the thing is, you don't know if does Amy and Murphy Brown or does Amy? I like to give creators what they're for. Yeah, there's no way of knowing who this.

There's no way of knowing which of these answers goes to which of these personalities. There's no way of knowing with any of these questions whether it relates more to Murphy Brown or Zena, Warrior Princess. Here's the next question. Have you ever encountered Hercules? A, no, B, yes. I mean, in media form. That certainly does not count. Okay, well, then A.

Yes. A no. Stuart, have you ever encountered Hercules on any of his legendary journeys? I mean, statues, in Vienna. I'm not going to call that. I'm going to say that's a form of media. So no. Yeah, I guess you're right.

Again, we're not going to know until the end, how these questions relate to being on Murphy Brown or is Sina. The next question, is your name Murphy Brown? A, yes. B, no, my name is Sina. Hmm. I don't feel like this one applies. You got to choose one.

Is your name Murphy Brown or is your name Zena? Let's see. Is my name Clifie? Low search of Murphy Brown. Yes. Or is it? Dan is more like Zina. There's an A and an N and Zina.

That's true. Yeah. But then McCoy is like Murphy. But McCoy is a last name and Murphy is a first name. What's your name? What's your name? Murphy. Brown.

Nice shooting, son. What's your name? Murphy, Brown. Watch my show. Yeah, I'm definitely more of a Murphy Brown. I'm more of Murphy Brown. I've got two names. I'm not...

That's true. I'm not a mononym. That's true. Next question. Is your name Zena? A, no, my name is Murphy Brown. B, yes. I guess I have to go no.

To stay consistent. It seems like we're doubling up here. Wait, yes? For scoring purposes. So is my answer yes. A is no and B is yes. Is your name Zena? A, no, my name is Murphy Brown.

B, yes. A? Okay. I think, yeah, those were hard questions, but I think you answered them honestly. A, no, that would be are you the Fons? Maybe that would be the third quiz. That's the third option, yeah. Next question, are you a strong, independent woman?

A, yes, B, yes. I'll say B. Okay. Yeah, I guess I'll say A, just to differentiate it. All right, just to be different. Next question, what is the name? of your younger blonde female sidekick who comes from a rural small town background

A, corkey Sherwood B, Gabrielle Bard of Portidee A. So is it Corky or Gabriel, the name of your younger blonde female sidekick? Does she have a real second name? No, she's just, that's the town she's from.

And she's a bard, yeah. Yeah. It's just Gabriel. You know what? Due to my childhood love of Robinhood, I'm going to say corkey sure would. Okay, interesting. Not the way I expect you to go.

Stuart, what's the name of your younger blonde female sidekick who comes from a rural small-time-agrel? Gabrielle, okay. Next question. Is there erotic fan fiction online about your relationship with your sidekick? A, no, but Elliot wasn't willing to spend that much time looking for it. B, yes. And it took Elliot almost no time to find it. I'm going to say B, yes.

I'm assuming that there has been some sort of erotic fan fiction. Yeah, haven't we seen? some. I think that was written as a joke, but still counts. It always starts as a joke. It always starts as a joke. It's just like that old-on-un-un article, ironic-born purchase, masturbated two unironically. Yeah. Yeah. So, Stuart, you're going to say B also? Yeah. Okay. And finally, the last question in this, in this real quiz, will anyone looking at Elliott's internet history think it was weird that he was searching for erotic lesbian fan fiction featuring you? A, maybe, B, probably not. Hmm. Hmm.

I'm going to say, you know, if they're... It's more of a consideration of Elliot, so I'm going to say probably not. Yeah, this is the thing. Like, I'm going to say because anyone who has access to your computer probably knows your career, they're going to say probably not. Okay, that's fair. All right, let me just tally up your points. Just give yourself one point for every A, subtract point for every B.

Let me do this one. Negative one, zero, one, zero, one. to three, four, five, four, three. Okay, and let's see, negative one, zero, one, two, one, two, three, four, three, two, five, six, five, four, three, two, one. Okay, guys, so according to my math, if it's correct, Dan, you got three points. And it says, Stuart, you got one point. And that means you are both Zina warrior princesses, according to this. You're both Zinas.

I'm so excited. Is that her? You really didn't want to be a Murphy Brown. I found out, today I found out I'm a real princess. Azena warrior princess. You were this many days old when you learned you were a warrior princess, according to that very real quiz that I found in a real issue of cosmopolitan in 1996. I think you would look really good with bangs, Dan.

I don't think that's. No, I think we should do it today. Do it. Dan, do it today. I have a widow's peak. I think that would really mess up. I think it would not look good. I feel like there's, we should try it. Try it. Come on.

Let's do it. Let's take a quick break and they'll go on to quiz number three. Hi, I'm Andrew Reich and I host Ed Pilot Society. And I am here with Max Fun member of the month, Jacob Eads. Thank you so much for being a listener of our show. And congratulations on being this month's member of the month. Pleasure to meet you. What made you take the leap to become an actual member of Maximum Fun?

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What's that? Is that the sound of a modem going off? That's because the flop house is on the internet, not just as a podcast, but as flop TV. That's right, our yearly six-month streaming series is hitting its fourth season. That's four seasons of Flop TV. And this season is the worst of the best or the best of the worst depending on how you view it. That's where we are watching and talking about the worst best picture winners. That's right. Now, if you're not familiar

with Flop TV, that is our one hour kind of love letter to cable access television where we do a kind of a version of the podcast that also has plenty of little video stuff, feasts, for the eyes I've heard it called. And it's so much fun. It's one of my favorite things we get to do here at the podcast is getting to make little videos to delight my co-hosts. And it is, if you haven't had a chance to come to one of our live shows, or if you need to be reminded of the dopamine rush you experienced when seeing us live, well, there's

nothing closer than watching a flop TV. So why don't you head over to theflophouse.simptics.com, and you can get tickets to individual shows or you can get a season pass. And if you get a ticket to a show that also gives you access to the replay in case you aren't able to watch it live. Or if having watched it live, you need to remember all those bits, all those hilarious bits. You can watch it again and again and again to the delight of your friends and family. So go to theflophouse.com to get your tickets or season pass today. Well, we've had a lot of fun today looking at real magazine quizzes about real television shows. And I think I've got one more for you guys.

And I'm wondering how this is going to work for you. Now, this next one is about the TV show, touched by an angel. Did you guys ever, I should have been asking you all this time, did you guys watch these shows? So before we do that, let's make it seem like I know what I'm doing. Did you guys ever watch Alf? Let's start with that. I watched Alf pretty regularly, yeah. Yeah, as much as I could.

I watched it pretty religiously. I loved that show when I was a kid. Alf was a real idol for me, real career to aspire to. What about Murphy Brown and Zena Warrior Princess? Were those shows that you watched? I think of the three shows, the one I watched the most was Murphy Brown. Yeah, my family watched Murphy Brown together regularly. So that they could explain things to you?

But I watched a lot of Zena. I did not, because it was in syndication, you know, like I didn't catch all of it. I didn't, you know, all of the continuing stories. but I watched a lot of episodes. There was no kinds of guides to what was on TV at the time. I saw a lot of Zena episodes, but I did not watch it as regularly.

So I watched Murphy Brown regularly. I don't know that I've ever seen a full episode of Zena. Really? Yeah. I found the... I think when I was that age, I wanted the stuff I was watching

either be funny or serious. And there's something about that... Sexy. I think even back then, I had... I wanted more skin, Dan. I just wanted to see more. Occasionally there was,

they got kind of racy on Tina. Really? How so? Describe. Yeah. Close your eyes, Elliot. Okay.

Paint me a word picture. They like, the two of them like did like a nude hot tub together. I mean, not, not even see any actual. But you're talking about how was the imagination. The largest erogenous zone.

You know, it's the sexiest thing. Yeah. All right. That's fairly sexy. Okay. So you're saying that should have been called Triple Xena

where you're supposed to be something there's got that somewhere. There's got to be. There's got to be. Got to be. But yeah, we watched a lot of Murphy Brown and I was a kid and I remember as a kid, I'm like, this is sophisticated grown-up television.

Like this is about real issues. And I wonder if I watch it now if I'd be like, this is a goofy show. This must be like, there's no way that it holds up as being as being as being as being as being. But I never found it that funny. No, it was. It was a sitcom, you know.

But certainly I was well aware of it enough that on Seinfeld when Kramer became her secretary in an episode, I was like, I know that show. I get this stuff. I mean, I feel like with a lot of those shows, I think I just enjoyed hearing the laugh tracks so I could hear people enjoying themselves and I'm like, it's got to be funny.

As long as they're having a good time. That's the important thing. That recorded audiences love it. I didn't realize it was a recorded audience. Yeah. They said filmed before a live studio audience. You didn't realize that they're relying. I'm sure they had a live studio audience.

No, yeah. They had to juice them up. so they like looped a bunch of those laughs over and over, like it's a fucking deaf leopard chorus. Exactly. Well, there was a, there was one laugh you'd hear sometimes where a guy went, ha, ha, of some of these. And it'd be like, oh, that guy was at the show that day, huh?

You know? I think they got really annoyed when people had two distinctive laughs because you could pick about. But anyway, quiz number three is about the show Touched by an Angel. Did you guys ever watch the show Touched by an Angel? I have not seen a single episode of Touched by an angel. I'm not really familiar with the show. It was not something that appealed to me at the time and still doesn't quite.

And it's one of those things where I'm like, and there have been numerous, like, Highway to Heaven is something like this, right? Where it's like, I'm like, how could they do a whole show, a whole series where it's just a different person getting help from an angel. But it's not that different from the Hulk TV show. Yeah. Or have gunned or travel or fugitive any of those shows. Yeah. Any Western.

Pokerface. Poker face, exactly. Poker face is basically just touched by an angel. where the angel is Charlie, the poker face. Charlie's Angel. Wait a minute, it all makes sense now. Charlie is Angel. We finally finished watching the second season of Pokerface

and I was like, wow, this show got zany in those last couple episodes. It really got goofy. Hey, you know what? I'll allow it. Yeah. They earned it. I'm the judge on this one. But let's see if you'll earn

the classification of having been touched by an angel in this quiz, which is called, is from Teen Vogue. This is actually from this year, March 20, Oh, in 2016. Wow. Yeah, this is real one. It says, and the name of it is, have I been touched by an angel?

Okay. So, this is how you find out. Question number one, has Roma Downey touched you? A, yes, B, no. Not to my knowledge. Okay, so that's a no for both you. Question number two. Did she touch you at a time when you did not wish to be touched?

A, yes, be no. Well, again, no, because I wasn't touched you. You don't think so. Question number three, when Roma Downey touched you, did she say she was an angel and not just an actor? who played an angel on television. A, yes, B, no. I think it was a beast.

Okay, B again. Okay, next question. Very consistent. Very next question. When the angel, this is in quotes, touched you, did she threaten you with harm if you told anyone about this angel touching incident? A yes or B, no?

No. No? Yeah, I think I'm going to stick with no on this one. Okay, that's good. Question number five. When Robidone touched you, did she claim it was on the orders of Delorese as if she was still hearing Deloresa

's voice in her head, despite that acclaimed actress and saying her having died in 2017, A yes or B, no? I've got to stick with no on this. I think it's still a no. The more complicated of the question doesn't make it easier to say yes.

Okay, that's true, that's true. More information isn't better. This next one is fairly simple. Question number six, is Roma Downey still in the room with you? A, blink once for yes, B blink twice for no. I mean, we'd have to check, Dan. Okay, Dan is blinking twice.

That's a no. And Stuart, okay, also, no, no, okay, great. Question number seven. If you answered B to the last question, was it merely because you were afraid to answer honestly, perhaps because Roma Downey is currently holding her signature weapon, a Phillips head screwdriver to which she's attached two rusty nails that she calls her Angel Wand.

A, yes, please hurry, I'm scared. Roma Downey is pointing the angel wand at me while raiding my kitchen pantry for anything with caramel or molasses in it because she says it will give her hyper heaven powers that will block the nightmares Delores Tela Rees' Tess telepathically censor for the next few hours. B, no, I am not currently being endangered by Roma Downey. I think it's still B.

Still B. All right. So that's the last question in the quiz. So looking at answers very consistent. Consistent B is all the way through. And it says here, if you answered A, local police will soon arrive at your destination to capture the dangerous fugitive known as Roma Downey. If you answered B to these questions,

then please remember that if you see Roma Downey, you are not to engage her, but to contact the authorities immediately. That was a real quiz from real magazine, troubling. This year. From this year. So I don't know what Roma Downey's been up to. If you're perturbed by it all,

I guess you can't blame Elliot because it's a real quiz. It's real. This is from real, these are all real quizzes from real magazines. That was really in teen vogue in March of 2026 this very year. I think Dan's going to have to like cool down after that one.

I mean, certainly I think he's worried. He's upset and anxious, I can see. So just going back on what we... Thank you so much for taking this little trip to these real magazine quizzes. Just going back to what we learned, you guys are both willies. Were you in like a, like a Dennis waiting room or something shit?

Like a vintage store. I was in a vintage magazine store and I started looking to the magazines and I said, hey, remember magazine quizzes? Let me take some of these. And I was like, oh, the guys are going to want to see these. Well, they walked in and they're like, oh, I really had all the vintage pornos you usually look at.

And you're like, no, no, no, I want something different this time. That reminds me of a former co-worker of mine once talked about when they were a teenager trying to buy vintage Playboys at a magazine shop, and when the person at the register told them they couldn't buy them, their excuse was, no, no, but I'm a collector. But anyway, the... I mean, you got to give a credit.

Yeah. But yeah, they didn't have the vintage Muscleman magazines that I collect, you know? Yeah, normally. So what we learned today is you guys are Willys, You are not Alf males, but you are in fact Willys, which have their place in society, even if they're looked down. I think they're more valuable overall.

Kind of structure of society. I mean, how many alfs do you need to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, he's probably going to eat it. But Willie, you just need one to do it. But you are both also Zena Warrior Princesses, who are not Murphy Browns. Or Murphy's Brown, as the actual plural. And you are not currently being endangered by Roma Downey.

and we've learned from this quiz is someone to watch out for and keep your distance from. So these are the things we've learned. I hope you at home have also taken these quizzes. File us under educational. Yes, exactly. This is maybe the most educational episode of the Flop House we've ever had. Please write in, let us know, are you an Alf male? Are you a Murphy Brown or a Zena Warrior Princess?

And if you are currently being endangered by Roma Downing, please get yourself to safety immediately. Do not take a moment to email us and do that from a safe place. Thank you so much for joining us on this mini that has not been a waste of time at all and was entirely correct and educational. I am, of course, Elliot Kalin. I've been joined by my co-hosts, Dan McCoy and Stuart Wellington. You can find us on the Maximum Fun Network. In fact, that's where we are right now. Go to maximum fund.org to join and become a member of the network or find other great shows like this one that I think you're going to enjoy a lot.

There's a lot of funny stuff on there. Comedy and Culture, artist-owned. Listener supported. Listener supported. I was like, you funded. I couldn't remember what the rest of it was. You funded. The Flop House is, of course, doing flop TV.

Go to theflophouse. com to get tickets for that. And, hey, if you liked this episode, and I don't know why you wouldn't, it was a hugely positive and practical use of your time, then please give us a five-star review on the podcast app of your choice. Help us get the word out about this podcast.

We're a new fledgling podcast, and we hope we can keep it going, and we need your support to do that. We'll be back next week with another full movie episode of the Flop House. Until then, enjoy magazines, enjoy television, and please, please stay away from Roma Downey. Thank you. I'm wondering how far I can go before it becomes slander.

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