The Flop House - FH Mini #20 - Novel Tees
Episode Date: December 26, 2020We devote this mini entirely to the most obvious topic for a show being released the day after Christmas -- Big Johnson T-shirts. ...
Transcript
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Hey everybody, this is a flop house many normally we talk about a bad movie or such, but on
off weeks we do, you know, we just take the road less traveled by.
And that makes a whole difference.
What?
We travel by a tiny little baby.
Yeah, we travel. a tiny little baby. Yeah, we travel Okay, sure we travel by a baby we say hi baby wave to it
On the side of the road, but don't worry that it has no parents around
And it's like an under the skin when a child no no
It's it's one of those new babies that can take care of themselves. Yeah, well the new ones they have coming out now
Anyway, the point is, on these amenities,
we do some...
I mean, did you guys ever notice
that on Muppet Babies,
their supposed nanny is just socks?
She's not a real person.
She's just an ambulatory pair of socks.
There's nothing above those socks.
Yeah, that's the do you ever think about that?
How does she change their diapers with her toes?
I guess.
We've got to assume so.
Yeah, that's pretty cool.
The socks are kind of like a Tim Burton sandworm too.
And that they're striped.
You just saying that they're striped, that's all.
And that they're striped.
Yeah, that's the way I describe.
Dan walks by a barber shop and he goes, ah, a sandworm.
And there's no, it's just a barber pole, Dan.
Look over there, a sandworm, a tiny one.
It's just a barber pole Dan. Look over there. A sandworm. A tiny one. It's just a candy cane Dan.
If a criminal escapes from jail and they're asking me for a description, I'm like, I don't know. They ran past me a shirt that looked like a Tim Burton sandworm.
I mean, criminals usually wear like orange jumpsuits, not the black and white stripes.
Robert tops. Yeah, you think of the beagle boys? I think you're the beagle boys. Yeah, are you thinking of the beagle boys?
I think you're the beagle boys.
I'm almost always thinking of the beagle boys.
Oh, guys, you remember that famous story
when Madison Square Garden thought they had books
to the Beastie Boys, but it was actually the Beagle Boys.
And they just robbed all the ducks in the audience.
Yeah.
It was that was that was Mallardson Square Garden.
No.
OK, well, anyway, the point is normal. It was that was that was that was Mallardson Square Garden. No
Okay, well
Normally we are a podcast about bad movies. This is an off week and I just wanted to
Say to you guys we've talked a lot about bad movies and occasionally
We've done some bad TV in our bonus episodes, but there's a lot of other
bad media out there We just there is Dan there is Dan McCoy and I'm like Halen and the other one is Stewart Wellington
Continue Dan just thought I'd get that business. Oh, I'm sorry
It's also bad
I forgot that after you guys talked for 10 minutes. We hadn't introduced ourselves
I mean you start with the introduction, but yeah, so there's a lot of other bad media out there, Dan.
There's a lot of them.
There's a lot of other bad media out there.
I thought we were leaving some money on the table.
So in this mini, I'd like to focus on some bad t-shirts.
So this is a bad media money mini t-shirt edition.
Yeah.
Now in the spirit of synopsizing the plots of movies,
I'm gonna describe to you guys some big Johnson T shirts,
the 90s, 20-year source of penis-based double entendras.
And I just want to pull one up.
And this is going to be confused with huge woody's brand
of T-shirts.
No, no, for the young people listening at home,
Enormous Johnson's was a brand of cartoon t-shirt,
not based on any pre-existing IP property,
but just, which is a redundant thing to say
the PNIP is property, but just about a nerdy looking guy
who off camera as a huge penis.
And for some reason this was considered
not only acceptable in middle school's nationwide,
but mandatory, that children head to wear it in middle school
along with the co-ed naked sports league
t-shirts, which are also very big at the time.
And this is like big Johnson guys, always standing next to something like big and suggestive
of a foul us, right?
Well, don't, yeah, just don't, you know, don't get ahead of ourselves.
I'm going to describe it into the audience.
Let me pump the brakes.
But when you said the penis-short car.
When you said big Johnson guys, I thought you were talking about the guys
who wore big Johnson T-shirts,
in which case you were talking about the coolest guys
in the world.
Oh, man.
So this first T-shirt says,
John, Dan, these are all from your personal collection.
Yeah.
Yes, these are from me.
Who's Dan McCoy archives?
How's in the Smithsonian? Yeah, they are the who've Dan McCoy archives. Uh, how's in
the Smithsonian? Yeah, they're on
mannequins that have Dan McCoy faces
projected on them like a jump-hawk goes
game museum. Yeah, like the haunted
mansion. This first shirt has Johnson
and bright orange letters and then
much smaller letters, fishing rods.
Uh, the legend is so there's a there's a picture here. Oh, and oh what a legend Johnson and bright orange letters and then much smaller letters fishing rods
The legend so there's a there's a picture here. Oh, and oh what a legend it is the legend of Johnson fishing rods There's a picture here there. There's a person
In the back who's who's driving the boat and then there's
Don't we just learn there's a boat. Okay. They're on a boat, there's three ladies and bikinis,
and there's this sort of nerdy looking fellow in the front
with the orange glasses of the same shade of Johnson.
And he's got a, he's got a, she brought.
Wait, as if orange glasses of the same shade of Johnson.
I'm sorry, the word Johnson.
The word Johnson, yes. Okay, thank Johnson. I'm sorry, the word Johnson.
The word Johnson, yes.
Okay, thank you.
I was like, Dan, your Johnson should not be yours.
No, this is like.
Unless you've been indulging in what I would call
self-fledged by Cheeto,
you should be more of a Caucasian flesh color.
What was this in your case?
This is 90s quality color printing.
So I would say, there seems to be, to be let's see this count up the colors.
There's the orange one there's black two blue three yellow four brown five and then there's sort
of a greeny blue six. Now I remember these I remember these Johnson t-shirts as being much more
professional looking than say the Ninja Turtles or Simpsons t-shirts my dad would buy on his way home from work in the city back to New Jersey
which always had the colors the characters totally wrong.
Well, I guess these are more professional than boot like t-shirts less professional than basically any other t-shirt.
And so there are three bikini ladies, one of them's on their way to the manger.
They're on about one of them. They're following Enormous Johnson to where the new shepherd,
Lord, is born. One of them is holding a bait can. One of them is holding, I assume some sort of sweet brew. The, the, the, it's like a lemonade.
The, um, the boat has the, uh, the name of the boat is catch in the snapper and a thought
that I've never seen on a boat before, just sort of a thought that you might find on, uh,
word processor.
Well, like, we do.
But Dan, is there something?
Yeah.
And, and Dan, you know boats.
If there's anyone who knows boat fonts,
it's Dan Boatfont McCoy.
The man who literally wrote the book
about maritime topography,
it's called Words on the Water and Fire in Your Eyes.
Now I think it's a guide in the history
to maritime topography.
Topography, but well,
and the slogan underneath is, it's easy to reel them in
when you've got a big Johnson. Now that is a, that is a double entendre referring to the
size of this unprepossessing gentleman's penis. Yeah. Apparently has a larger penis than you would expect.
Yeah. What? And the name of the boat is also a double in Tondra.
Yeah.
Wait, really?
Since as snapper being a term for, I guess, the kind of vagina that just bites your dick
right off.
Uh huh.
Like in the movie teeth.
Exactly.
Like in the movie teeth or the movie Mrs. Dattfire Stewart.
What are you going to say?
I was going to say, does this fella, does he have a look on his face like he's surprised
or he's got like a secret or
He's just cut like this is um
The I mean like how puckish does he look how puckish how impish
He looks a little impish a little puckish. I think he's escalate as they go on to some degree
Um this one now just kind of looks bemused at his luck
This one now just kind of looks bemused at his luck
having this above average
Fishing real slash penis. Yeah, you're saying you're saying his he's got a classic. It's a living type expression
So what he's saying is it's a penis
So this is uh, this is shirt number one of 20 on the ceiling. Sure, sure number.
Sure number one of five.
Now the.
Oh, then I do have time, Dan.
How does this relate to?
Are you familiar with the happy fisherman iconography, which is, of course,
OK, this is something that a fellow daily show writer had up in his office,
which shows the difference when you're at a comedy show.
This is an image of a fisherman who, from the waist up, appears to just be a regular fisherman,
just waiting, waist deep into the water,
and from the waist down under the water,
you can see that he is panceless,
and a fish is fish-lating him under the water.
That's what the audience loves it.
Now, that's the kind of thing you would see.
That's more of a 1970s, I guess, type of novelty item.
This is more of a 1990s.
You know, I like that guy's sort of like take life as it comes attitude. Yeah.
He's like, he's like, but wait, I thought I ordered the fish sticks.
Right? Now you have to, now, you need to edit that out.
Edit my joke out and make it. No, keep it at George's. I like it. Put some applause in after it.
Put up the, like crank up the funny by 20% on that out. Edit my joke out and make it. No, keep it in. Jordan's not letting it. Put some applause in after it.
Put up the crank up the funny by 20% on that joke.
Yeah, just put humor it up by about 50 to 60%.
Yeah.
Now, the question is, did this fisherman and 10 for this to happen?
Or is this a race stands dream sequence in Ghostbusters,
type scenario?
Yeah.
You'll never be able to'll never get a lucky accident.
Now, the second shirt, the big Johnson logo has evolved a lot in this one.
It's more kind of a, you know, it's got more attitude or bad attitude or
ratitude as you know.
Yeah.
So it's like backwards,
it's like the way that death's logo
went from like super cool and like sketched on
to like more serious.
This is like it's going backwards.
It's regressive, even cooler and weirder.
This logo's great, great.
Big Johnson and then it's a bait check.
Big Johnson bait check.
Okay.
So you're still fishing, continuing the nautical theme, okay?
You're too knowing fishing.
There's some, like there's all sorts of shenanigans
in the background like this is it like a Jack Davis sort
of cartoon.
So are you, Eric Owness?
Well, he might have been doing art for the,
for the class of county film.
It's a big, big, big, big dick.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not going to describe everything
that's going on in the background,
but we got a guy who's frozen in the ice machine,
someone's being strangled by worms.
Also, another guy seems to be being attacked
by an octopus.
Now, real quick, Dan, are those actual worms,
or is it just something that's stripey?
No, these are actual worms.
Yeah, they could be socks, robbers, socks, robbers.
And the foreground there is a zebra, sort of a short gentleman who
assumedly has the big Johnson of the title.
And he is surrounded by, he's got two women flanking him.
They're bathing suits appear to have shrunk in the wash,
which is, you know, an upsetting thing to happen.
He's got a-
Yet they're still wearing them like real troopers.
Yeah, they've got a popcorn style bucket full of worms.
One of which is huge is drooping over the bucket.
It really looks more like entrails than a worm. I assume this is just a suggests. which is huge, is drooping over the bucket.
It really looks more like entrails than a worm. I assume this is just a human fallace,
but it looks like when Jenny and he dots,
pulls up her like yarn and you're like,
is she rips someone stomach out?
Yeah, yeah.
And the legend beneath.
They can be the blood eagle.
The legend beneath it says,
you won't need to be a master
beta when she sees the size of your Johnson. So that's a, that's a, that's a ribble T-shirt.
Yeah, that's pretty straightforward. Yeah, it's, they're not really hiding it there.
Now, you guys might be wondering, I had to, I, I, having trouble imagining what Dan was
describing, so I did a Google search for this. And if you have any to know, yes, you
can buy this image on a Christmas ornament.
Oh, wow, let's get to know.
Yeah.
So the next one I have here is.
In case you wanted to give your Christmas tree more
of a leisure suit Larry vibe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The next one here I have is the Big Johnson School
of Martial Arts.
Now I know what you're worried about.
Are there depictions of Asian people
that are stereotypical and terrible? There just appear to be one Asian man in the background,
kind of a character, maybe of like a Bruce Lee, but not like ridiculously, like it's mostly
just your Caucasian big jungle man.
Better than 16 candles,
Raves Dankels.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not a 16 candle.
It's also on his 16 candles DVD, it says,
not as good as this big Johnson novelty shirt
that Raves Dankels.
So there's a lot of people just sort of fighting
in the background.
One of them is wearing like he's got a sport jacket and a henley on.
He's got it.
He's holding a hat in his hands.
Not really sure why he's in this dojo, but the guy who
assumedly has this big Johnson.
There's a woman and a karate
guy leaning over with cleavage, and he has split the the wood in front of him
by my count of five planks theoretically with his penis because it is right at his penis that the split has occurred,
and you can see that his underwear has fallen down.
And the legend for this one says, it's not the color of your belt, but what's below
it that counts.
And I assume that by below the belt, they're referring again to genitals and not to his
Big toe or his knee
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can't know for sure because they're all it's all below that belt. Yeah, no science hasn't done any research into this
This matter now okay, so
So we are almost what I I wanted to mention I've been a little confused up to this point because when I was a kid for some reason
I was under the impression that these were called enormous Johnson not big Johnson
I did some research the character's name is enormous Johnson the brand is big Johnson
So yeah, you want to confuse those and say like a middle score or something?
Yeah, you would laugh at a school. It makes me wonder again what the E stands for.
Elevated.
Elevated, Normus Johnson.
Of course, Elevated.
It's a family name.
Yeah.
Yeah, we're going to, E Normus is going to make an appearance
at the very end here, but the penultimate shirt.
Now, here we've got, what we've got is Johnson,
deep socket, socket, wrenches. Johnson, Johnson, deep socket, socket, wrenches.
Johnson,
very deep,
socket, wrenches.
Now we are at what appears to be sort of a service station.
Yeah, we're like entering like Facebook targeted
at T-shirt ads, love that.
Yeah.
Now there's a car in the background,
and Scott,
this car has flames on it, but it also looks like
kind of a classic car, not an aerodynamic car. It looks like a bit of a buggy, but with flames on
it, so it seems like they're confusing their sort of car person obsessions. You know, this is not
a sports car. This is a classic car with flames. And then you got
just a bunch of like a rat rod. Yeah, that's called
yeah, there I mean there's some onlookers in the background. There's you know
a policeman who kind of looks like maybe a Don Nazi character who swallowed something that doesn't
agree with that. So like a so like a fasc he's a Don Nazi character who swallowed something that doesn't agree with that.
So like a fascist mobster, Don Nazi?
Yeah, Don Nazi.
There's another attendant who's wearing a jug head hat
and his wrench is drooping.
I mean, that's a great one, right?
Well, come from Dan, we call those Leo Gorsi hats.
Yeah?
Because I come from the olden days.
Now Dan, it seems like there's a lot going on in this shirt,
so much so that I have forgotten what the original brand was.
The brand, sorry.
Again, Johnson Socket wrenches, and I will get to,
yeah, now I'm getting to the main thrust of this, if you will.
There's again, a woman who appears to have
large bosoms and has forgotten her bra
based on the pointiness of what's going on.
And a short gentleman in the front
holding a giant, giant socket wrench.
Over and shoulder.
Yeah, that's like a cloud strife, buster sword of socket wrench. Yeah, that's like a cloud strife,
buster sort of socket wrench.
Yeah, I'm not really like,
number one, he must be tremendously strong
to hold this up.
Number two, I'm not really sure what.
What is it like a fireman's carry hold
because you can actually carry a lot more than it seems
like you can if you do it.
Wow, it's long over his shoulder.
I just like, there's no socket that is gonna fix, fix. It's like a lot more than it seems like you can if you do it. Wow, it's long over his shoulder. I just like, there's no socket that is gonna fix.
It's like, it's like Vittis wrench.
It's like guts from Berserk where you're like,
this doesn't make sense at all, but I still like it.
Yeah, and underneath that is the words,
you'll always get a nut off when you've got a big Johnson.
Now, Ali and Surah, I don't know if you're aware of this.
This is a reference to human ejaculate.
Oh, yeah.
No, no, I assume it's talking about removing like a bolt
from something very, maybe he's been hired
to do some repair work on the Statue of Liberty.
And that's why he needs a socket wrench of that size.
I thought it was when you get like a slice of fancy cake
and it's got some whipped cream on top with like a single nut
and you're like, I don't wanna eat this fucking nut.
I just wanna click it off.
Yeah, you gotta get that nut off.
Use your socket wrench and just swing it
like a, like a cricket mallet, okay mallet.
Just hit it off of there.
So a cricket batter and a cricket mallet.
So Dan, you're saying, so what's,
so what kind of nut would that be?
I don't understand.
I can't believe you just fucked up that sports metaphor, Elliot.
That sports reference you try to make.
I should never have ever tried it at all.
Now, Dan, it seems like by not using a monkey wrench,
they're leaving sort of a banana pun on the table.
I hope that in the last shirt they rectify that
is the last shirt a monkey wrench shirt.
No, it's a ax on you there. This one here finally, enormous shows up.
Now I do want to point out it seems like it seems like it's the same characters, like
it's the same bozami one and the same.
Oh, they're like the eternal champion, constantly recurring through time and space in different,
but similar roles
forever forced to enact the same dramas, the same tragedies with only the illusion of free will because as the the the weights of time and the balances of the cosmos force their cold judgment
big Johnson and his paranormal paranormal are repeatedly brought together and separated through the,
you know, the machinations of what can only be called an uncaring multiverse.
Yeah, like a primordial chaos.
Exactly.
Yes, thank you.
I kind of see like Big Johnson's psycho-wrench is being like the Von Beck of the, of the
series, right?
Sure.
Okay.
Well, lastly, this is-
So I guess what?
So the bait shop would be Jerry Cornelius.
And the rod would be L-Rick, because of course the fishing rod is Stormbringer.
Yeah.
Or what's the name of his sword?
I thought it was Stormbringer.
Oh, is it Stormbringer?
I couldn't write for- Oh, no, I got it mixed up with-
In my mind, I was worried I got to mix up with better a bills hammer, which I think is called storm breaker. Yeah
Okay, well the final t-shirt finally Elliott your friend enormous shows up
Finally, how's he doing? How's my old buddy? He do well, you know, you'll be happy to know he has gone through medical school
He's doctor enormous Johnson. Normus Johnson.
Yep, this is the post-credit scene
of the big Johnson T-shirt episode.
Yeah.
Now, he's finally arrives.
Finally, have you heard of the shitty dick pun initiative?
Now, Dr. Johnson here, now he has a thriving practice
it seems. All women who are waving money in
the air as if they're at, say, a busy bar, something Stuart would be familiar with. And there's
one woman who is on the examination table, she seems shocked
by the size of the doctor's tongue depressor,
which he is holding under his arm like a surfboard.
Again, a sexy nurse in the background,
they're taking numbers as if you were at a deli,
they're serving patient number 104, apparently. And yes, Dr. Johnson,
holding a big tongue depressor that says Johnson on it. It's his own brand, or perhaps it's just a
Johnson and Johnson. Sounds like a harsh recrimination of the United States health care system.
Well, I mean, people are going in so desperate that they're just mobbing this one doctor.
And all he has to provide is tongue depressors.
That's the bare minimum of,
and maximum of medical care.
I mean, yeah, it's surprising that he's being mobbed
in this way.
He is wearing an extremely ill-fitting suit,
some bags on his shoes,
and he cannot seem to order the correct size
of tongue depressor, which seems to be one of those. no well he accidentally or accidentally ordered the king con pack yeah yeah and uh this slogan is
she'll always say ah when you're probing with a big Johnson so that is again an unpleasant
reference to the sexual Congress between two people.
It's hard for me to think of anything less pleasant
than that one, but I will.
I would say he doesn't take insurance,
but he will take in her insurance.
That's worse, right?
No, that's, I mean, it's not the labor.
It's more of a delay, man.
You're hired to write for e-normous Johnson shirts.
Yeah, certainly. You're hired to write for e-normous Johnson shirts. Yeah, certainly.
You're hired to write for Dan's Twitter account.
Now, I was doing some, while we were talking,
I was doing some googling because I was trying to look up
other Johnson shirts that I remembered.
And I saw one that I've never seen before,
where it's him as a Confederate soldier
with a kind of busiest southern bell.
And it says, stand back, baby,
because the South's gonna rise again.
And somehow this is one of the less problematic
of the Big Johnson shirts.
No, yeah, it's a terrible series of shirts.
I apologize for inflicting this concept on everyone,
but I...
What's fantastic is that I had totally forgotten
the existence of these things.
And then as soon as you said, Big Johnson,
I was like, oh, yeah, right. The shirts that like the bad kid at summer camp would wear. Yeah, this
was, you know, this is a little bit of history for maybe listeners who were 10 or more years
younger than us to know the trash of yes or here that people put on their bodies. I do
want to say that if anyone out there listening
has access to any of these shirts and mails them to the flop house, I will make sure that Dan
wears them the next time we do a lot of shit. I didn't agree to that. I said, I mean, that's
the thing. I think you're going to beat me up. There's's gonna be a big, they live style battle backstage
and put it on.
I was hoping that it would be more like trickery,
like dangerous liaisons.
You somehow have rigged one of a shirt
that looks like Dan's normal shirt
and yet when you pull a thread, it tears off
and one of these is underneath and you don't pull it off till he walks right on stage.
You know.
Well hold on to the string and he'll go walking out on stage ready to like receive the
applause and accolades of the listeners and well that's like that.
They'll get first draft of that.
They'll quickly turn to booze and jeez.
The first to that draft that we just hung woods.
If you want to see my big Johnson shirt,
just pull this thread as I walk away.
And Dan, unknowing, we'll be turning around
to reveal the back of the shirt
or the real actions happening.
Stewart has made a shirt of spun sugar for me
that will dissolve when he throws some water on it.
We have to pretend to throw the water.
Yeah, oh, I spilled it.
Sorry, no time for you to change shirts. We got to go out on stage now.
Yeah, that classic in Psycholipedia Brown mystery where they find a dead body
and just a puddle of spun sugar and they're like, how did this guy die?
He saw he was wearing an enormous, wearing an enormous Johnson shirt.
It was so distress. you immediately committed suicide.
Yeah, clearly he was stabbed to the knife made out of spun sugar.
Okay, so nobody steal that, nobody can steal that.
That's TM Stool, the spun sugar mystery.
Now, Dan, I'm glad you brought this up because,
as you said, this is yesterday's trash.
Yesterday's trash is tomorrow's strangely sacred art and so just as every now and then
there'll be like a like a gorgeous coffee table book of Tijuana Bibles which
were essentially throw away vulgar trash of the past. There someday will be a
gorgeous tassion coffee table book of Big Johnson images and then 20 years after that a Tashin book of deviant art pregnant Sonic
images
Yeah, I think there was wasn't there a
There's like there's been art shows of bootleg Bart T shirts of like bootleg Bart Simpson T shirts
I would not be shocked if there's been at least one art show of
I would not be shocked if there's been at least one art show of big Johnson shirts that obviously hopefully are on their way as we speak to the flop-hats and smelly marks. I know.
As someone who owns three to four books that are just trashy VHS covers of the past,
VHS covers of the past. I would totally have a book that is dumb novelty t-shirts. That would be hilarious I think. How much time do you spend selecting your novelty art coffee
table books for when company come over your life? Well, this is Audrey's parents, so I should pull out the one of like vintage French erotica.
Yeah, I just pull out that big butt book
that Brett Ragnar is reading in that one photo
that gets circulated around the internet all the time.
Yeah.
It's well, that's like my in laws have a book on their shelf
that just says erotic art along the side and they have a lot of art books
I mean, that's that they are they are artificial notice and I've never had the guts to like just walk over and pick it up and look through it
Even now
Yeah, even now after I've been I've been married to their daughter for 10 years
I've I've given them two grandchildren
I still am like not gonna touch it can't
You know like like Elliot this next thing I'm gonna say
I wish your in-laws along and happy life, but I'm imagining you at the funeral like sneaking away
Open this book just pretending I'm so overcome with emotion. I have to leave and I just
Sip to over to finally look at this
Your face melts like the innovators a lot.
I just assume if I picked it up,
a net would fall on me from above.
And hoist me up like a Festus catching
Aries and Aphrodite in the act.
Yeah.
OK, well, that was that was my many, guys.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Dan, I think I think that was a pretty big mini.
Get it?
Thanks.
Thanks, but I need to wear this mini.
We already give you that bit step on it.
Yeah.
Oomey or Dan?
No, I was wondering if Dan had like a big send-off thing
where he was going to come on.
No, I was just going to say, couple of it.
No, no, it's my job to step on Dan's bits ahead of time.
Okay.
Oh, you step on my bits?
That's an enormous bit.
Anyway, enormous bits.
That's where they tried the enormous bits,
T-shirt line and it was just a guy who had huge testicles
and kind of a normal size penis.
And it did not do as well.
All right, well, you know.
That's not because it's normal size, it looks so much smaller.
Enormous bit demolition and it was like it'll knock you down with these wrecking balls
and guys these shirts are just not moving, you just cannot move them.
I wonder, I would like to think that there was a test series of shirts that were all about people with giant
testicles.
It was like, e-mailing.
It turns out that our research was wrong.
Men aren't as obsessed with having giant testicles that we thought.
Okay, let me take you through some of the failed shirts.
Okay, thank you to the enormous Johnson guys, the big Johnson guys you're doing.
Great.
Let's now turn to the red side of the ledger.
Let's look at some of the shirts
that have not been paying for themselves.
The enormous bits team,
let's look through some of these,
enormous bits, theaters.
Shakespeare wasn't the only one with a couple of globes.
And here we've got here,
enormous bits, award trophies.
Don't you get yourself a couple of golden globes?
Again, we're seeing a lot of the
same bits, but they're not quite working. We've done some market research. It turns out that
many guys have fantasized about having an enormous penis. We all know guys we've all been there.
Come on. The market research shows that no men have ever fantasized about having an enormous
testicle. I'm sure not no man. Statistical. Statistically a relevant number of men.
This enormous coconuts shirt you have
that seems to be very concerned with how hairy
these coconuts are.
Seems to have a double flaw, which is the existence
on large coconuts and existence on hairy coconuts.
And the legend, as it's described at the bottom,
hangs low, Harry is all get out.
That's not, it just isn't selling well, yeah.
Okay, well anyway, my point was,
and now, going to, and here, now, I wish that was the worst news
we had at the meeting today, but even the enormous bit skies could, uh,
it can be happy that they weren't behind the enormous one butt cheek shirts.
This is apparently, you know what guys were not even sending us to the stores.
We're not even trying these on the market.
They just, the shirt that advertises how bad your back pain will be sitting on just one enormous
machine. We've had a lot of we've had a lot of the bean bag one. We're not releasing that.
The air bag one. We're not releasing it. We've had enough complaints just from the guys
working the line down at the factory that we're just not going to release these. We're going
to just send them to some poor country somewhere and kids can wear them. We can't afford regular
shirts. That's just a text right off. So guys, let's just I think let's focus on just the just the penis for now
And let's leave the other body parts just off the table
What if the guy behind the big shots and shirts had no idea that they were all double on time
I don't know why these are selling
He's like I have people love the idea of one huge everyday item
It's you know like they just they just who wouldn't want to walk around with a giant wrench come on You're selling, but he's like, I have people love the idea of one huge everyday item.
It's, you know, they just,
they just, who wouldn't want to walk around with a giant wrench?
Come on.
People would be like, look at that big wrench.
Okay, well, okay, after so many false endings,
I think we've arrived at the real one.
If you've liked this, it's totally different
than what we normally do.
And if you liked it then, well, we've got more questions for you.
But tune in for a full length episode about a bad movie.
Often we have great guests.
Sometimes we just have us talking about stuff like this.
Yeah, and next episode is cage miss, right?
Yeah, cage miss. Not falling in, right? Yeah, cage miss.
Not falling in December this year,
but shortly thereafter, and Josh Gondelman,
the internet's nicest person will be on with us.
That's great.
Talk Nicholas Cage.
We're going to try our best to make him say something
mean about the movie.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Thank you as always to Jordan Cowling for doing the editing and
production and making it sound good. Thank you to Max Moon Fun, our network, go to
MaxMoonFun.org to listen to a lot of other great shows on the network. You know,
maybe like iPodius say with Elliot Kaelin as well, or
one of the ones that doesn't have any of our annoying voices on it. But, you know, rate
review, subscribe, all that YouTube junk. But for this flop house, many, I've been
Dan McCoy. I've been Steward Wellington. And I've been very ashamed at the things
that I said in this many. I'm Millie Kaelin. Bye!
and culture. Artists-owned, audience supported.