The Flop House - FH Mini 65 - The Goofs About Charlie

Episode Date: October 15, 2022

Elliott ranks his top eleven Charlies from cinema, and the others discuss. Why? It kind of makes sense if you listen. But not really.Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping.

Hey there flop house fans or casual listeners, you'll be a fan by the end of this episode. Maybe I don't know. My name is Ellie Kaylin. Well, that kind of, but it's. Thank you. My name is Ellie Kaylin and this is another flop house mini. I'm joined today by my regular co-host slash side kicks. Name yourselves guys.

Dan McCoy, Stewart Wellington. Those are my boys. Anyway, this is a flop house mini. Normally on this show, we watch a bad movie, we talk about it, I say normally, even though it's literally half the time. There's as much claim to the minis being the normal. You were running into the same problem I do every time I try

to do some mini. I had to explain the concept that should be by all accounts, very simple. Yes. I don't have a tough time doing it. Guys, I don't know why you guys struggle. I don't know because we're weirdo literalists who like think of problems with every version of the explanation we get.

Yeah. Halfway into saying the same thing. I think I have two. I have two. I think I have two answers. One is that Dan and I sent to fall on kind of formulaic, announcer, television type ways of introducing things, and you don't, Stu, you're an American original.

And two, you have what John keeps. You're more than I were a glass. Yes, exactly. You have John Keats, you have very fragile. What if I were a glass was the enemy of unbreakable all this time? Of six cents. Of six cents was not part of the unbreakable universe. Or is he? I think he's the exact opposite of Bruce Will's character unbreakable all this time. Of six cents. Of those six cents who's not part of the Unbreakable universe, or is he?

I think he's the exact opposite of Bruce Willis' character, Unbreakable. And that he's very breakable. He's already broken on the movie starts. Anyway, the second thing is that Stewart possesses what John Keats, yeah, for that 30-year-old movie, no, sorry, 23-year-old movie. Stewart possesses what John Keats turns negative capability, which is kind of the ability to live in ambiguity and between comprehensive meanings, you, which is kind of the ability to live in ambiguity and between comprehensive meanings,

you know, and kind of abstraction. Anyway, I'm like the molly bloom of this podcast is what you're trying to say. Only in that you say yes, a lot. Yeah, I do. Yeah, yeah. Classic Stewart, that's me, 2-a-t. Yeah, yeah. Classic Stewart. That's me to a tee. He's dead. Right. Yeah, you can't spell Stewart without two teas. This show get popular. Can you? I define popular, Dan, define popular. I mean enough, enough popular enough. Yeah. That has papered over a few

holes in my career lately. That's what I tell my parents. Yeah. That has papered over a few holes in my career lately. That's what I tell my parents. Yeah. When they ask me what I'm doing with my life these days. And I say, look at these grand kids. Are they cute? And then I run away speaking of my grand parents, speaking of my parents grand kids. Okay.

Today when we recording this episode, not when it's released, but when we're recording this episode today on October 11th, it is my nephew Charlie's birthday. Hey, Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie is turning seven. I want to say, anyway, I always forget that he's not the same exact age as my oldest son who is almost nine because they get along so well. Anyway, Charlie is a great kid. He lives in England with my sister, who is his mother, and days his birthday. And I, and I wanted one. He's, I just want to celebrate what a wonderful child he is. He's

super smart. He's super funny. He's very sweet. He has a hilarious and adorable English accent. It's very funny to me because my kids, hey, they talk like this. Forget about it. Oh, Los Angeles. That's where we live. Oh, but he's all like I'm walking here Even though this is not a pedestrian city Yeah, that's true. It's a driving city. I should be driving here, but I'm walking in you know They say that yeah, and then they and then Christopher walk goes I'm walking here and they go no No, you don't understand it sounds similar, but it's not the same word anyway That's how they came up with a classic vaudeville bit.

Do you think how Sammy and Christopher walk and came up with her? I think, do you think Christopher walk it every year is that song walking in LA? And he's like, Hey, that's me. I'm walking. And I think he's LA. I think he hears the song walking on sunshine. And he's like, someday the song, walking on sunshine and he's like, someday I will be walking on sunshine.

Ramah, that's the day he'll be reunited with his grandma. So anyway, Charlie bound the other hand, he's saying, so he sounds like this, I'm walking here, mummy. And so, because this is very much a pedestrian city, London where they live. So anyway, it's Charlie's birthday. So I just thought I would celebrate that

with a special mini where I'm going to take you through my list of the top 11 movie Charli's. That's right. The top Charli's in movies, the top 11, and I wanna get your opinions on whether you agree or not. So okay, I'm gonna share my screen. I'm gonna show you my Charlie's. So you'll notice, it says with'm going to share my screen. I'm going to show you my, my, my Charlie's. So you'll notice it says with your top movie Charlie's. Yeah.

I know you put a PowerPoint together for this, which I mean, I retroactively feel guilty by the amount of work I put into the last many. So let's, let's just move on. No, no, it's, I mean, it's not the best PowerPoint, because I know only you guys are watching it. The audience can't see it. This is an audio medium. So don't worry, audience, it's, I mean, it's not the best PowerPoint because I know all the you guys are watching it. The audience can't see it. This is an audio medium. So don't worry, audience, it's not the most bells and whistles PowerPoint. If you've ever seen a live show, I put a lot more work and a lot more visual flair, the joke flair into those PowerPoints. Anyway, top movie Charlie's, let's start.

Guys, you ready to go on this, this Charle venture through the, through the world of Charle's? Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm ready for a trial venture. And I'm looking at guys feel free to disagree, agree heartily, however you feel about it. I'm going to open the debate. That's what this is really about.

I'm not, yeah. I'm not some movie god handing down the 10 Charles Mannments on high for one it's 11 Charlie's. So the 11 Charles Mannments on high. I'm starting to open the debate. I'm just like when Marty Scorsese was like, Marvel movies aren't cinema. Boom, drop the grenade, discuss it everybody, and then walked out of the room. I'm starting to open the debate. I'm just like when Marty Squircezy was like, Marvel movies aren't cinema. Boom, drop the grenade, discuss it, everybody, and then walked out of

the room. I'm kind of like that. Yeah, you're kind of like Joseph P. Buzzfeed, the inventor of the Buzzfeed quiz. Yeah, you want someone to be so hurt by your off-handed comment about films that aren't for you that later on they'll write a clickbait piece that will set the internet of the blame. The point of a listicle is not to actually make a definitive list, but to get people talking about the elements of the list. Exactly. That's my Joseph Peabull's feed impression. I am ready. Joseph Fonsafel Buzzfeed was ahead of his time. That's true. I am ready to Charles my own Charles venture. You know, you know, you know, I'm sure you know this being someone who speaks

German that his his family's original name was burst first. Yeah. So anyway, so top 11 movie Charlie's let's start with number 11. Let's start at the bottom and move up to the top because you do otherwise would be anti-climactic. Why would you do it that way? If you used a static number choice, but... Yeah, he used number 11. Charles Xavier. Wow. At number 11, this isn't the lowest you could get the most. It can fly. I left off the list.

Charles Xavier at number 11. Why is he on the list? Well, let me tell you, he's the founder of the X-Men. We all know that. He labeled it with his own first initial, although they'll tell you officially at Marvel, that's because they have an extra X-Factor that gives them powers. But we all know it's named after him. Why is he at number 11? Well, to be Marvel, that's because they have an extra X factor that gives them powers.

But we all know it's named after him. Why is he at number 11? Well, to be honest, he's not a very good teacher. The number of students he has that die in battle is fairly horrendous. I'd say it stacks up against any other teacher. He's essentially taking young mutants and training them to be a sort of power paramilitary terrorist vigilante group. I'm not okay with that.

Charles, sorry, but you're burnt. Is that a teaching issue? The fact that a student's keep getting hurt or is that just sort of a side effect of them being persecuted? What was Magneto issues? No, no. They're usually, they usually die in fights with other mutants, Dan. It's not like they are. They're not, he says, I'm going to teach you how to protect yourself and defend yourself. But then he puts a costume on them, sends them into battle against Magneto or, you know, even or whatever. And often those costumes feature an X somewhere on them, usually placed over a vital part of the body, which looks a lot like a target.

Exactly, very good point. He's both, he's a Vata costume, or tactical gear designer as he is a teacher. If he was a better teacher, his students might be, I don't know, going to college instead of putting, putting on leather and getting into fights. Now, I had assumed that he was so low in the list that because he was primarily known as Charles and not Charlie, but I assumed that this means if that's not one of the reasons then that Charles and Charlie's will appear randomly throughout the rest of the list. So you're not. Dan, you're going to like number nine. Okay. If you're interested in a variety of ways that the name Charles can be reputed, not number 10, because number 10 we're going to Charlie Kaufman and adaptation. That's right.

Number nine. Why is he on the list? Well, he's the only Charlie I could find played by Nicholas Cage. So he had to be here somewhere. Sure. But why he in that number 10? Well, he's a portrayal of screen writers is kind of like anxious, nervous, shy, non-confident, messed up kind of weasily, kind of just emotionally, not destructive exactly, but emotionally messy people. And I relate to that too much. So it made me feel bad. That's what I'm saying number 10. Painfully accurate. And also he just could not seal the deal

with waitress Judy Greer in adaptation. And she seems so friendly. Just say hi Charlie, that's all you gotta do. I'm being a friend, dude. You just do her job. Be friendly or otherwise, just go away, just leave a nice tip and just and just don't talk to her at all. Don't fantasize about it.

You know, this, this adaptation poster with Nicholas Cage's head as the flower pot that is broken because it with the orchid in it. Because of course, as we all know, adaptation based very closely on the orchid thief by Susan or lean. I was just it's the co-stars Merrill Street as Susan Orleen. It has a spiritual kinship with the Dan in real life poster, which is, you know, something that I feel very close to. Depressed head on its side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, that is on lying on pancakes. That is that that is the

there's no pain. No, the whimsy and that poster is opposed to being a potted plant. No, Dan. Here's my question about that. And you must get this a lot because people think you are the Dan in real life that the movie is based on. Why am I Dan in real life? I'm not the Dan in real life. Oh, I'm sure you have to tell people that a lot. When they stop you outside the Applebee's and Times Square and ask if you're the Dan in real life. Dan, I like it. And Dan's like, yep, pictures are five bucks. Get out your pancakes. Provide your pancakes, B.I.O.P. And I don't carry pancakes afterwards. That's not

the only. If Dan is, Dan is so desperate for people to know, for attention that he walks around. He's like Bob Crane and autofocus, putting his own show on the TV in the bar that Dan brings his own plate of pancakes to a bar and lays his head on it that someone recognized and go, wait, are you, are you Dan in real life? And I have been, I have to go, no, but I am a Dan in real life. I've stayed in it before legally. Yeah. I can't.

But the question I imagine they ask you is, how did you wash all that butter and syrup out of the side of your face and your sideburns? I imagine you just get, you know, like a hungry dog to look at. I mean, I assume for the day. I'm assuming for the poster, they just took a picture of Steve Carell and then Drew Struz and fucking painted that shit on there, right? Painting some syrup on them. Yeah.

Yeah. That's because he's the syrup guy. He's the guy Hollywood calls when you need syrup. Would it be interesting? It would be interesting. It would turn out all of Drew Struz and kind of hazy, kind of glossy, or not glossy, but you know what I mean? The kind of glossy images.

It's because he's always imagining the characters with maple syrup all over them. That's how it gets the shine, yeah. The true, what's your secret? Here's my here's my secret. Don't let it out. I imagine what the stars, the movie would look like. They had maple syrup on their faces.

Really? Yeah, that's it. And then the and then the mues speaks to me. And my hand does its work. Anyway, so that's number 10, Charlie Kaufman. I'm glad we could talk about Dan and the pancakes, because that was very, that was very relevant. Number nine, here, Dan, you're, Dan, you're wondering about other iterations of the name, Charles Charlie. It's Chuckie. That's right. other iterations of the name Charlie. It's Chuck.

It's Chuck. That's right. It's Chuck. Why on the list? He's got one. He's iconic, but also humble. Look, he's an icon to this day, but you know what? He doesn't brag about it.

He goes in every day. He does the work. He occasionally gets married. He occasionally has a seed, but he's always there for him. You can rely on Chuck. Guys, why is he only at number nine? Well, he's a murderous doll, so that's part of it. And also, he was one of the first things

that I really remember being scared of when I was a kid. In the video town video store in Melbourne, New Jersey, where I grew up, there was a, at one point, a huge cardboard standy of Chuckie to advertise child's play. And I thought it was very scary and did not want to go in that part of the video store. So sorry Chuckie, you got to be at number nine. Did you did your job too well?

That's what I would say. Dan, what are you feelings about the Chuckster? Uh, well, you know, he is, he is and he is a good guy, you know, he is, uh, he's, I mean, how is he? How is he a good guy? Well, he's pretending to be a good guy, doll, yeah. But he says good guy on his front. Yeah, but, uh, I mean, you know, I mean, he seems, uh,'m pretending to be a good guy. Literally. I mean, it says good guy on his front.

Yeah, but I mean, you know, I mean, he seems to love his wife, even though he also wants to kill her later on. So that's the point. Well, that's kind of like a Gomez and Morticia thing. Gomez and Morticia actually make each other and you know they love each other. It's made very clear. Now, I wonder, so Chuck E is originally voiced by Brad Dorif. Was it challenging for him to voice a character with tiny eyebrows as a man with enormous

eyebrows? I think he had to spend a lot of time talking to people with smaller eyebrows. He did ride the wrongs with, you know, a, you could have come with trim alongs. He could have come see me. That was, you know, you missed that part of the pre-show talk, Stewart, but I was talking about how it was complaining about how my eyebrows have thinned. So Brad, if you need to, if you need to brush up on how to push that key, that, that, that kind of light because you're, that come to light because you're planning a Halloween costume to go as Peter Gallinger.

And he said, no, no, no. Like, this is what it would be my secret. I think Dan is a Dan. It's made. It's one of the most first world problems I think I've ever heard. It's right up there that he's like, I guess my eyebrows aren't as bushy as they once are. Are you are you worried George Whipple is going to steal your girl? I mean, they're just, you know, it looks a little unusual. I, I, you know, I, the, the amount, I, you know, look, I know he's got a lot of other

things going for him. He's Peter Gallagher. You know, the man has, oh, I thought you were talking about Chuckie. Yeah. I heard Lizzy. But, uh, he can sing too. You know, women, look at those, or gay gay men or whoever likes Peter Gallagher looks at those. Everybody look at various eyebrows. They just want to run their fingers through

those monster caterpillars above his eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine it must be hard for both him and his brother Gallagher who has that big mustache that everybody wants a piece of. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So that's Chuckie. We really made a good point about Chuckie there. Sorry. No, you've got two versions of him here. Okay. We're moving on. Okay.

We don't have time to talk about two versions. Don't pretend you're interested. Number eight, we got to go do. That's right. Charlie Croker, Michael Cain, he and the Italian job. Okay. Why is he on the list? He's Michael Cain.

Well, unless he's been canceled by the time this episode is released, he's great and he's beloved by all. Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian, Ian,'s why Charlie Croaker only gets to number eight on the list. But, you know, he's Michael Cain. He's just so swav in cool. And he told them just to blow the bloody doors off, but they couldn't help it. It's Michael Cain. They had to blow the whole thing up. Guys, what do you think about this? And Dan, could Michael Cain, do you think he might be visiting us in a moment? I don't know if I could remember that much about being the Italian. Hello, I'm Michael Cain. Michael Cain. Wow, he's Michael Cain.

The thing is, you're Fred Dandie, he got touched with me before, had a premonition that I might have been needed for some reason. He didn't know why, which is kind of more amazing when you think about it. It is. Well, thank you for providing that in-universe explanation for what is otherwise not not necessary to go into the backstory of it. Elliot, I am delighted. Thank you for thanking me. Well, okay. So tell us a little bit about what do you remember about the Italian job?

What drew you to the role of Charlie Croaker? Well, of course, there were in this, in the script, they talked about having these mini-coopers, these mini-coopers, and I thought, oh, I thought it was a Winnie Cooper from the Wonder News. The one who used to be a television show that would be on the time, but I had read various treatments for it, of course. So it had been floating around. So you're saying, so you're saying the Italian job, which is a movie from with the late 60s, mid 60s, that at a TV show about that was about a child growing up in the 60s that was floating around for a while. It was heavily rewritten. It was about a young lad's experience as the

flapper era before. It just time shifted to the 60s over, over many rewipes. That makes sense because, yeah, Italian job came out in 1969. I'm looking up, but it makes sense that, yeah, that would be about someone in middle age looking back at their, their, their, their youth in the roaring 20s. And yet by the 80s when that movie, when the show was finally made, then yeah, the, the character would have been quite elderly at that point. I guess all the math checks out, guys, why Michael Cain would be available? And why you would be familiar with the wonder years?

Okay. And also, I imagine everything about Vietnam and the wonder years is probably originally about the Great War. And everything about rock and roll was originally about jazz and rag time. Everything that was about losing your virginity, well, that is eternal throughout all of human histories. That's not, you know, listen, let now, having, having explained everything logically and with no flaws whatsoever, I, I have to return to my home that,

Josh the revenge built for me, but it was always great to have. Well, he had help. Anyway, Tata. He had help. Anyway, Tata. That was so cool. Michael Cain's famous catchphrase, Tata. That's what he says. I don't think we can top that, which is why we got to go to number seven on the list.

That's right. Dan, I knew you knew this. Who do you think is going to be the next Charlie Wiss? Just do a prediction. The Charlie of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory factory fame or Willy Wonka in movies. Is that it? Okay. And, uh, and Stuart, what, what, who do you think is going to be?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Charlie from the truth about Charlie. Okay. You're both half right. It's Charlie Allnut from the African Queen. That's right. It's Humphrey Bogart's character. He's kind of a crusty, musty, sweaty, grimy, riverboat

guy. And he's all nuts. He's well, he said, well, damn, we'll get to that actually because why is he on the list? Hey, if he's okay with Catherine Hepburn, he's okay with me. I'll say it again. She's a queen among, among everyone. She, Catherine Hepburn, just a, just a huge favorite of mine. Wine number seven, we actually never see him eat any nuts. I don't believe so his last name is a lie. He actually has no nuts, zero nuts in the movie.

I mean, I assume he has. Probably a test couple. Yeah. But I mean, Charlie all that, you got to have a Humphrey Boe guard on there because of all his famous roles in, you know, the multi-s Franklin and let's not forget Kasa Bianca. And there's, let's see, the big sneak, big sneaks. And what are some other Humphrey Booker at movies? Let's see it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There's to have and have nuts. That one he does has not have nuts in. And, and of course, let's not forget, uh, uh, eat the devil. So anyway,

have you, have you stopped naming nuts? No, when now we're naming fake versions of every book art movie. Yeah. So I guess, okay, but guys, okay, there's another Charlie. You're probably wondering, why hasn't he mentioned this Charlie yet? It seems like a pretty famous Charlie. Why hasn't he mentioned this Charlie? Okay It seems like a pretty famous Charlie. Why hasn't he mentioned this Charlie? Okay, I'm getting to it. You know who this Charlie is. That's right. It's Charlie Gordon from the movie Charlie. Cliff Robertson is the Academy of Wordman in Role.

Cliff, again, Charlie, why is he on the list? Well, you got to give him credit for his guts. He took an experimental drug that made him a genius. And then the drug wore off and he never looked back. And you got to admire somebody who can roll with those punches. Why is he only at number six? Well, he was really mean when he turned smart. He turned into kind of a mean, dude,

and he's also not that good at working at a bakery. As you can see from the picture on the left, Dan, can you describe that picture? What we're seeing there? Well, he kind of looks like one of the characters and ghost busters of the very end of the movie where they're covered in blown up marshmallow man. Yeah.

He's got like goo on top of his head. I don't know. I guess this is do I don't know why that would be on top of his head let alone. He's also sitting on a bigger bunch of goo that he's pulling up with his hands as if to say why I think I think it's a prank that his that his mean co-workers pulled on him, but it also looks like he took the dough and decided to make himself kind of a royal crown and royal robes to be kind of like a king of dough. Yeah.

So like, I got the golems hair. So he like, yeah, so as he got smarter, he became meaner and he did he get like cool, like cyberware powers and did he, he does ride a motorcycle. Did he, did he ride a long order? Is he trying to get revenge against the spaceship that didn't pick him up when he was marooned? Basically, is he the hero from stars, my destination? No, he is not, he is he the hero from stars my destination? No, he is not. He's not the stars my destination who, uh, yeah, similarly, similarly gets a intelligence upgrade. Uh, no, but the, uh, but that's okay, guys, that's the first half

of the list. We went through 11 through six. We got a bunch more Charlie's left to see to just to run through again. Number 11 Charles Xavier. Sure. 10 Charlie Kaufman. Number nine Chuckie, eight Charlie Croker, seven Charlie, all not six. Charlie Gordon, AKA Charlie. The name of the movie is Charlie. And before we get to number five, Dan, I believe we have a sponsor. Please tell me it's from someone named Charlie.

Uh, yeah. Well, our sponsor today is a microdose gummies or show sponsored by microdose gummies, which deliver a perfect entry level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. Look, ideas like this. Not too much good. Well, here's the thing, ideas like this, some people are like, hey, what were you, what were you taken when you came up with that Charlie idea? And the thing is, you know, professional comedy writers rarely use the microdose gem

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GM. Check out GMandrew.com. Well, well, well, well, perhaps we'll do that. Maybe you will. Dan's going to just load up on microgummies and log right in and jack into the matrix. Yeah. And now a live reading from Rachel's poetry corner. Elephants' theiramans clifton, Neopets' porstrips' jepsin' Heinzmell Jellybeans' goleagoles,

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Those were some great sponsors, Dan. Are we ready to get back into the Charlie verse? Let's get into the Charlie verse. Let's see what happens. Let's get back into the empty. I don't really have one Charlie. I need to be in the top half of this list, but I'm not going to say who until Elliott just appoints me.

We'll see. I don't think it's going to be there, but maybe it will be. say who until Elliott disappoints me. We'll see. I only get to be there, but maybe it will be. This is the MCU, the movie Charlie Universe. I just want to mention before we move off of Charlie Gordon that looking at the poster here, I forgot the screenplay is by Sterling Silifant, who I've always liked to assume was just a silly elephant who wrote screenplays and said, oh, oh, this will be hilarious. That kind of thing. Okay.

So that's a silly elephant. Okay, guys. Thanks. We're up to the first half of the list. This is where the really heavy hitters, the big charles are coming up. So get ready. Hold on to your pants. Or should I say, hold on to your candy?

Because number five is Charlie Bucket. That's right. We've got this, earlier. It's Charlie Bucket from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I'm specifically saying the 1970s version, not the Johnny Depp one, which is a, you know, a movie that I know I saw it and I barely remember it. And I'm amazed. I was amazed the other day while doing research for this to find out that that movie is 17

years old when it feels like it hasn't come out yet. I remember it so little. Anyway, Willie Wonka, the chocolate factory, it's a great movie. We watch a lot at home. Charlie Bucket, why is he on the list? Well, he's heir to the greatest candy company in the world, and I want free candy. So Charlie Bucket, if you're listening to this, free candy, please. I mean, actually, I should correct that. Send me chocolate. I don't want any of the candies. No, not at all. Don't send me like a big, a big candy mushroom with white globb cream in it that you scoop out with your hands. No, no, not at all. Don't send me like a big candy mushroom

with white glob cream in it that you scoop out with your hands. No, thank you. Or like a, or like a giant gummy bear that hangs from a tree. Don't want it. No thanks. Send me just chocolate.

Nothing fruit flavored. Okay, but why is Charlie Bucket on the list at number five? Why so low? You didn't really do that much to her. His gifted position. He's kind of like the top chef competitor who lays back and lets the other contestants knock themselves out, trying really hard and occasionally failing, but he never produces anything bold or imaginative. That's right. I'm saying he's the Josea Rosenberg of movie Charlie's.

Wow. I'll do you one better. He's no better than the other kids. And it's because he drinks the damn fizzy lifting drink and the movie version of the story doesn't make any sense to me. Like, oh, I guess because he got to be burped his way out of trouble, he gets to make his way to the end and claim the prize. Even though key two failed Mr. Wankas test. And I'm saying every time I try to get get burnt my way out of trouble, I get thrown out of that apple piece. Yeah. The apple piece that Dan is outside of with a pile of

pancakes and I bump into Dan and then he gets mad that I ruined his photo. So they just put it through none of the other kids ever had a chance to give back that everlasting gobs, gobs topper and exactly and win the price. And you know that we'll really want a plan for Charlie to get his head chopped off in those blades. The way the same way that Violet Beauregard is dead, let's just face it, Farooka Salt, she fell into the furnace. She's definitely dead.

And Augustus Glupy drowned in chocolate. You know he's dead. And Mike TV, not dead, but he is miniaturized. He's the size of a troll doll. So just like this effectively. Yeah. And you know, that's not going to look good. I had a tweet about this recently that at the end of the book, there's a scene where all the kids come out and it's like, oh, they're okay. Mike TV is all stretched out. And Violet Broard is still purple, but she's

no longer the size of a fairy and everything. But in the movie, it's just like, fuck it. Those kids are candy. Forget about them. You'll never see them again. Who cares? Leave them behind you. So that's why Charlie buckets at number five. Charlie, try a little harder. Okay. Talk about privilege. Anyway, so I'm real mad about him now. Why is he not at number 10? Anyway, let's go to number four before I get even angrier. Let's talk about somebody who did earn everything that they accomplished with no help from anybody else, except for the fine people at federal express. That's right. It's number four Chuck Nolan from Castaway, Tom Hanks's beloved character of Chuck Nolan. We all know his name. He's the famous name.

Everyone's like, did you see that movie Chuck Nolan? And I'm like, you mean Castaway? So why is he on the list? Talk about a guy who can do everything. Make fire, spear of fish, home dentistry with an ice skate. He is the best, he's the best all around Charlie when it comes to skills. Why is he on at number four? Look, it's a tough competition. Maybe he would have made it farther if he hadn't insisted

on bringing that gross filthy volleyball with him everywhere. It's off-putting, it's just not, it's not nice. It's not okay. It's weird. Guys, what do you think about Chuck Nolan in Castaway? You're looking at a picture of Tom Hanks right there. He's in great shape, long beard. He looks like Charlton Heston at the end of Planet of the Apes. What do you guys think? Yeah, yeah, I'd be all-body. I, you know, guys, I gotta admit to something. I've never seen Castaway. You know guys, I gotta admit to something. I've never seen Castaway. Oh, Castaway is, I haven't seen it in years.

I think it's a good movie. It's like, if you're gonna see a movie about a guy on a dirt island, that this is the movie to see. I'm sure. I just, for whatever reason, I missed it when it first came around and then I just never was like,

fuck it, I wanna watch Castaway. I understand that. And it's directed by Roberts and Mechis. So you know that eventually he's going to do remake where Tom Hanks has motion captured Bobby Z. Spots all over him. And it's just going to be a CGI guy on a CGI desert dessert island, the CGI volleyball. Dan, what's your opinion about Castaway and Chuck Nolan?

Are you surprised he's so high on the list? No, no, no, no. Keep in mind it's Tom Hanks. I mean, look, Tom Hanks, America's dad, the one competent man left in the world. We've dreamed him up for movies, but he went from being, he looked at Tom Hanks for he went from being America's wacky, lovable son. Yeah. America's like older brother to America's dad and some day he's going to be America's

grandpa and then America's ghost and we're going to love him every step of the way. Mm-hmm. I mean, he's already kind of America's grandpa. Yeah, that's true. Actually, he probably is a grandpa. He's so, I imagine of all the snowman himself, Colonel Tom Parker. The highest compliment I said once, the highest compliment that American can bestow on you is to have Tom Hanks play you in a movie.

And the worst insult is to have Al Pacino play you in an HBO original movie. Now, that's, that's when you know you're really, you're truly one of the drags of society. But Dan, what are you going to say about T-Hanks? Oh, I mean, like he's, you know, the consummate professional, he delivers a package, albeit, you know, four years late, but that's not his fault. You got the job done. And usually people say that a man who does his own industry has a fool for a dentist, but this man, I think, you know, handled it. That is a famous saying. Yeah. It's a very fresh. He said, I think.

Look, he missed 100% of the teeth. You don't hit. Yeah. So yeah, he's that he's anyway, that's why he's at number four. You can't, you can't get any better than Chuck Nolan's or can you because he's number four. It's time to go on to number three. Typically you can. Any other predictions? Do you guys have any other predictions for what the next Charlie is? Have you, is there anyone that you're missing Stewart? Yeah, he hasn't said Charlie from the critters franchise. Stewart, that could be the next one. Survey, show me, Charlie, Charlie from the critters franchise. Oh no, it's Charles Foster came. I'm so sorry, Stewart. So, so number three. Charles Foster came. Is it a like a like a local yokel who becomes an alien bounty hunter, right?

No, he's a local yokel kid who becomes a millionaire and the power goes to his head and eventually becomes a reckless who just lives in a castle with a with a menagerie around him. So close. Yes. Very close. So Charles Foster King, wise wise analyst, he so cares, Matt, he's so historically important. And he built an opera house. And how many of us can say we built an opera house in our lives? Dan. Fitzgerald O probably could say it. Oh, barely.

He tried to pull. He tried to pull a boat over a mountain and it did not work. So Fitzgerald O, sorry, sit down. Yeah, sit's corral. I want to do it. Sit's corral. Yeah. I want to do it. Sit's corrupt. Yeah. I want to do it.

I wanted to do it. David Spade style. I go, everyone who built an opera house, take one step forward, not so fast, fits corrupt. So I know I've built an opera house. Sure, did he do it for the wrong reasons? Possibly he was trying to create an opera career for his second wife, Susan Alexander Kane, who is not a great singer. But look, it's a great movie. It's in deep focus. Why is

he at number three? I know. I know why is it number three because Orson Wells was in the fucking third man. That's a great reason. And I'll go with it. It wasn't my original reason, but yeah, it's perfect. Because Orson Wells was the third man. I know. Because Susan Cain. Yeah. And that's also why Charles Foster Cain is my evil list touch. I just want to point out that if everybody who's listening just thought I was a dummy, like critters, I also know the third man to Stewart knows two things. He knows 80s, monster gross out movies, and he knows zither soundtracks.

That's right. That's the hot piece of beef this guy. No. He also knows his post war in the war. His post war Vienna set and war. Okay, guys. Also, I want to say to him every time I watch the movie Charles Foster Kane, if you want to sled, just go out of the go down to the basement and get it.

Come on, guys. You can go sledding. Don't make fun of you, you're rich. Okay. Number two, guys, this is going to be a shocking upset. I'm looking at the results here. I don't know how the audience is going to take this. We actually have a tie for number two.

Who could have foreseen it coming? That's right. Charlie and Uncle Charlie from the movie Shadow of a Doubt. That's right. It's it's a hold on. It's Charlotte Charlie Newton's uh hold on it's Charlotte Charlie Newton and uncle Charlie Oakley. Of course, uh, Charlotte is Charlie Teresa right and uncle Charlie is her uncle. Uh, why are they also citizen Kane fame? That's why that's that's right.

The citizen Kane two for number three and number two because only one of them is a character for citizen Kane. Uh, why is why then list? Well, they're the stars of my second favorite movie, Shadow of the Doubt. First favorite movie, everybody knows it, taking a Pellamon 2, 3. My second favorite movie is Shadow of the Doubt. I made my wife go with me to the shooting locations because they're in Santa Rosa, California near her hometown. And how she liked that. It was early enough in the relationship that she found it charming. Now I think she would be annoyed by it, especially because we'd have to bring the kids with us.

And of course, my number three favorite movie, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek. I don't think it's anyone named Charlie in it. So it was ineligible for this competition. Yeah, but for your Morgan's list. Oh, it's top. Top. Yeah. And then what else you got for that?

Like, did you hear about the Morgan's that's got to be on there. And who could forget? There's a something Morgan, it's like a, it's like a, it's a team movie from like the 80s or 90s. What am I thinking of? Broward. OJ and Stiggs. Yeah, I was thinking of OJ and Stiggs.

Or is it, oh, is that the name of the movie or is it something else? I forgot. Morgan Stewart's coming home, starring John Fryer. That's what I was thinking. That one. So why was he coming home? I was in such a big deal. Let's see.

Is this before or after Roxy Carmichael was welcome? According to Iron De Be the plot of this is a free spirited teenager attempting to get back in touch with his overly conservative parents after returning home from years away at a boarding school. Well, I'm remembering just now it's O.C. and Stigs. O.J. and Stigs is, of course, O.J. Simpson when he was briefly going to start in that movie. Briefly friends with Stigs. Yeah. The other character from that.

And that's what really drove him, drove O.J. to the wrong, down the wrong side of the tracks was it with Stigs. Yeah. That's what really drove him, drove OJ to the wrong, down the wrong side of the tracks, was it was Stigs, yeah. So, wait, the creek is number one in your Morgan's presentation. The creek itself. And then, so a man should beat out Helen Mirna as Morgana from Excalibur. She's, that's number two. Number three, of course, is the one everyone Dan just mentioned. There's a movie called Girl Slaves of Morgana Lafay. I don't know how that would play.

So that's good. No, not so. I mean, there's already one more Gana Lafay on the list that's Helen Mirren and it's Gallover. So anyway, why are Charlie and Uncle Charlie on here? Well, it's my second favorite movie. They've got a telepathic Uncle Nice connection,

which echoes that saying. It's pretty amazing in my book. Why are they not in the top spot? Well, we've seen it so many times in this kind of competition. The lack of teamwork. After Charlie learns that Uncle Charlie is a murderer, he tries to kill her a couple times. That's not the way to win, folks. You got to work together.

Look, you got to be uniters and not dividers. This America, we've got enough problems. Let's not go killing our nieces just because they found out that we are the Mary Widow murderer spoilers for the movie Shadow of a doubt. You should still watch it. It's an amazing movie. Thornton Wilder worked on the screenplay. Come on, everybody. One of one of America's greatest playwrights. Maybe the greatest. That's a controversial statement. So let's move on to number one, guys. Who could be at the number one spot? What Charlie in the movies could bet and again, and Stuart, I hate to burst your bubble.

It's not Charlie from Charlie. It's not Charlie. His Twitter's brain jobs. Is it restricted to bullshit? Character names, like not actor names. It is only character names. That's why Charlie Chaplin's not on the list. Otherwise, I mean, knowing Elliot's from taste, you know,

it might be Dane Cook from the movie Good Luck Chuck. That's a huge, a huge guest that is of course my zeroes favorite movie. You're both taking a pillow one two three. It could be Charlie Brown. Is it Charlie Brown from a boy named Charlie Brown? Oh, that's a good one. It's Charlie Brown from Race for Your Life Charlie Brown. Oh, okay. It's the same Charlie Brown. It's okay. Yeah, I know.

Dan, that's so bummed. Dan, I'll say, when I said it's Charlie Brown, he started pumping his fists. Now, I said, from me, for your life Charlie Brown, he lowered his fists. He got up and he started doing that weird sideways dance that the kids do in peanuts cartoons. Yeah. Dan, I thought you. I thought you had the, a lesser iteration of the character, but I thought you would be excited, but I didn't realize I would ruin your day by choosing the wrong.

Oh, the brown movie. Please forgive me. Why did I choose race for your life, Charlie Brown? Dan, I've got a good reason. It was the one I could find the best high res image of. Oh, okay. So if you want to be for a boy named Charlie Brown, go. I talk about the fact that so they're about like the poster has the

peanut skein is about to go over a waterfall. And Charlie Brown is yelling out at his word balloon. What he's yelling out is it's my new wilderness adventure. The entire peanut's gang faces everything. Pee nuts and quotes. The entire Pee nuts gang faces everything from bullies to rampaging rapids. Quote, good grief. Well, you have fun. So in his last moments, Charlie Brown wants to promote his gotta push the product. Yeah. Gotta put a B H always be hustling. You know, gotta got it out there. You'll notice also that Snoopy does not seem in all bothered. Yeah. And you know, yeah, Charlie Brown is really the model for the modern grind set.

That's it. Yeah, always hustling. Always hustling. And why is he on the list? Come on, he's iconic. He loves animals. He's got a great shirt. He's not afraid to just, and he's iconic, loves animals, he's got a great shirt.

And he's not afraid to just, and he's not afraid to just tell the universe what he wants. He never gives up. You've got to admire a boy who can manage his dog to being the mascot of an entire insurance company. Again, I've never built an opera house. My dog was never the mascot of an insurance company. And I tried, Lord how I tried. And so that's, he's got to be

the number one Charlie. Dan, tell us a little bit about your relationship with Charlie Brown. And talk to us about a boy named Charlie Brown. Why not? Why is that the better of the two? Well, I, I mean, Charlie Brown, I feel... Defend your, defend your disappointment, Dan. Come on. I mean, I don't think it's any surprise that I feel a certain personal connection to Charlie Brown both because I am a fan of comics, but specifically old, you know, newspaper strips done by people who have long since passed. And, but also-

That's why you're always, he's always texting me pictures he took of Bernie Google Bernie Google comics and he's like check out what the goog got up this time. Great. Googly, wugly, this goog is good. And the number the number of times when Dan and I've been I've been like Dan, what's wrong? You seem really down. He's like, I was just thinking how the strip went Dan downhill once Snuffy Smith took over and I'm like,, I think that's, but I mean, that happened, Dan that happened like a hundred years ago, why are you mad about it now? But, to see it, I liked it better when it was fritzy ritz,

a flapper. Now Stuart, what are your thoughts about Charlie Brown at number one? Are you surprised? Are you excited? Do you feel like believe as possible now? I obviously, I think my thoughts on who should have been on this list have been made pretty clear based on what I've already said.

However, I feel like Charlie from the Critters franchise has a lot in common with Charlie Brown. They're both kind of lovable losers who keep trying and they keep hoping for something better. And Charlie Brown's iconic, even though as a kid, when I would read P-Nuts comics, I was mainly looking for the more snoopy forward stuff, red baron, or the occasional appearance of Joe Cool. I mean, it was just snoopy. It's just that's snoopy. What? I hate to break it to you. The same way that some I had to break it.

But no, it's wearing like some, it's a dog with sunglasses on. Snoopy doesn't have sunglasses. No, I, I, Stewart, I know. At your shocked Snoopy can occasionally put on sunglasses to become his alter ego. It's, I recently had to explain to someone. This is true. This, this is, this is true. I recently had to explain to a co-worker that Steve Merkel and Stefano Kelle were the same character. Really? Yeah, they thought that it was like his cool cousin or something like that. And they're like, they couldn't come up with another name. It's to say, look, it's the same guy in the cool machine.

I mean, I'm assuming though that this is a person who had heard about these family marriage characters, you know, like the second or third hand rather than someone who had seen family matters and been confused. Dan, Dan, I shouldn't be saying this in public. It was Joliel White, but I was talking to him. Wow. Wow. If anyone should know, if anyone, I wonder, do you think Snoopy had to go into Eurichol's

cool machine to come out as Joe Cool or was he just used to when he put on the sunglasses that cool part of him just came out, you know, and then like Professor style. It's, yeah, it's, it's tough. I mean, I think, yeah, that it's some kind of like a magical feather or something that, like a talisman that allows him to kind of change shape and charisma, all these things. Yeah. What's amazing is that Snoopy could act so cool when the sunglasses were showing him

that everyone except Charlie Brown was an alien. I know. And then all their houses were plastered with signs that said consume all that kind of stuff. You know, our sea and Sally were both, we're all, we're both agents from the aliens that were taken over. Yeah, eventually anyone who understands what we're talking about will die. Dan, that's, I mean, we're all going to die. I have anybody, but I feel like our number one based on who's listening will never die. Yeah, hopefully not. I'll never forget his movie. They live Charlie Brown, which was so much fun. No, I want someone fan,

some fan out there, please make me some kind of image for they live Charlie Brown. It can be snoopy, trying to get Charlie Brown to put on those sunglasses. I got a Charlie Brown. It can be snoopy trying to get Charlie Brown to put on those sunglasses. We've got a long fight. It could be, it could be a shroater as the, as the homeless guy turned rich man at the end is trying to convince Charlie Brown to join up with the aliens. It could be anything. Just. Yeah. Lucy as an alien holding the football, you know, yeah. Linus is, is the alien having sex with the lady going, what's baby at the very end. So now I had to come up with a I had to look up a movie title to start with it's for sure Brown. It's a mad mad mad world Charlie Brown. It's a live Charlie Brown. Oh, that's great. Yeah.

It's such a beautiful day Charlie Brown. It's a wonderful live Charlie Brown. That's kind of what Charlie Brown. I mean, that's if there's any wonderful life, Charlie Brown. That's kind of what Charlie Brown, I mean, that's, if there's any character who is Charlie Brown in the movies, though, it's Jimmy Stewart and it's wonderful. Yeah, it's all gone peat-tonged, Charlie Brown. That's serious. It's, and then of course, there's also,

it's the great pumpkin rocks carmide bowl, which is Charlie Brown. It's a gift, Charlie Brown. Charlie Brown's just like staring at, at like a wrapped box on the cover. And I don't know, Frida has to explain. It's a gift, Charlie Brown. He's never got one because he's, you know, Sean. Charlie Brown. It follows Charlie Brown. Oops. And then of course just it part two, Charlie Brown. Oops. Uh oh. And then of course just it part two, Charlie Brown. It's just a confusing title. Well, oh, Dan, what were you saying?

Do you have another one? Oh, no, I just imagine, you know, that's just someone showing it to Charlie Brown. There's got to be, again, there's got to be a Charlie Brown, it mash up where the kids in that movie are Charlie Brown. It's not like, yeah, it's, uh, a Charlie Brown it mashup where the kids and that movie are Charlie Brown. It's not like it needed. It's, don't they hit him with a baseball bat at the end and everything like that's Charlie Brown's all about baseball. I mean, the internet's too big for that not to be a thing.

Yeah, the internet's too big. There's room enough on the internet for both the it Charlie Brown and they live Charlie Brown to coax it. I'm sure that now that you dear listener listening to us talk about this shit, your Facebook algorithm is going to suggest t-shirts that are mashups of it and Charlie Brown. Yeah. Yeah. Well, everybody, thanks for joining us on this amazing tour of movie Charlie's, the 11 Best Movie Charlie's. I want to give a special thanks to my nephew Charlie. Happy birthday.

Of course, he is in England. So by the time we're recording this, it's actually the day after his birthday, since recording this at night. So sorry for being a day. And of course, this will be released several days after his birthday. So, but, you know, they may be in the middle of their, you know, post birthday blues, and this will cheer up Charlie. I mean, oh, that's very sweet of you. That's a good, yeah, that's a good reference to the song. He is way too young to listen to this. He shouldn't be listening. He doesn't even see critters yet. I don't want to spoil anything. But thanks to you, the listener for listening, we are of course, a product of the Max Fun Network. There's lots of great shows on the Max Fun Network. Go listen to them. Why not become a pleasure if you want. You don't have to wait till Max Fun

drive. You could do it right now if you want to. I also want to thank our editor, Alex Smith, aka Howell Dottie, and go check out his FastTrack podcast. It's super fun. And Dan, do we have anything else that we usually? No, that's from others. People I think. All right, until then, until then, I even said what we're doing. mean, you said what we're doing next week, next week with a quote regular, unquote, episode

of the flop house, where we'll be talking about another shocktober horror classic question mark. Until then, now until then make sense. Now that I've said a thing that's happening with each of you. Until then, I've been your special driver for tonight, Elliott Caelan. I've been your baby driver for tonight, Dan McCoy. And I've been your drive angry, steward Wellington. I thought you were going to be our mini driver. I apologize everyone at home. You did not get a mini driver this episode.

So many other times. Thanks for listening and happy birthday, Charlie. Bye. Bye-bye!