The Flop House - FH Mini 78 - Don't Mess With Taxes

Episode Date: April 15, 2023

Elliott guides us in a cinematic celebration of everyone's favorite holiday -- tax day!Streaming TICKETS for THE FLOP HOUSE BATTLES BATTLEFIELD EARTH now available!Ever tried Microdosing? Visit Microdose.com and use FLOP for 30% off + Free Shipping.

Hello everybody, welcome to the Flapp House mini episode. What is the Flapp House? It's a podcast about bad movies. What is the Flapp House mini episode? It is a smaller version of that podcast. We're instead of talking about one particular bad movie, we do whatever we want. I'll be your, let's say, host for this evening if you're listening to it during the evening or this morning.

If you're listening to this morning or the middle of the day, if you're listening to it. Let me just hold on. Let me just do what voiceover artists have to do when they record voices in their character for a talking clock and do every single permutation of every time. I just remember hearing Dave Foley had to do that for the flick Bugs Life Clock. He recorded it entire day of 11, 11, 11, 11, 12, 11, 13. And he gave all of those royalties to his wife in Canada.

Yeah, his royalties for time. Yeah. Because he invented a couple of numbers in there. Anyway, I'm your co-host, Elliot Kalen, and joining me are my co-hosts. And their names are Dan McCoy. Stuart Wellington. We've got a fun mini set up for you today, but first I want to remind you that you have a chance to see us, the three guys whose voices you just heard, Ellie, Kaelin, Dan McCoy, and Stuart Wellington, the...

What could we possibly look like? It would be a surprise. You could see how we've aged since the last time you've seen a picture of us, by buying a ticket to our streaming event on April 22nd. That's right. We did a show in Brooklyn about battlefield earth. Usually when we do those shows, you don't get to see them until you, unless you're there in person, but this time you can buy a ticket to watch the video of the event professionally shot, professionally edited. So it looks nice, professionally presented over streaming. So it's not our usual just kind of a zoom

room that people pile into. You don't have to, you don't just look at Elliot's garage. No, not at all. Or the virtual background I've put up to replace my garage. Since my garage looks like a place where you would get an app somebody. If you go to flop house podcast.com slash stream, you can buy not just a ticket to our streaming video, which from years April 22nd at 7 PM Eastern and we will be in the chat for that video watching. You will be watching it with us as we talk about it to you in the chat. And we'll be remembering what we said in real time because honestly, when I get up on stage, I go into sort of a fugue state and I don't recall it.

It doesn't show at all. So you'll get to see us respond and react to what we're saying. But if you can't make it for the premiere event, buy a ticket and you'll be able to watch the video for quite a while afterwards. There's a window of I think what, a week, two weeks. I think it's tell May 7th, but all of the information about that is on the website. So go to flopphousepodcast.com slash stream. We can buy tickets to see that, to see that video and to join us for the premiere event

where we'll be in the chat, text box chatting with you. You can also buy tickets for a special VIP meet and greet with us. That's right. You'll get your chance over the computer to see us face to face and talk to us face to face for a few minutes and have a special moment with us that you can cherish forever and share with your grandchildren.

The same way that the recent news of the death of Al Jaffee was made a little bit less painful to me by remembering that I met him once for a minute, very briefly, in the Daily Show offices. Did you have- Surely before his death? No, no, it was this was, it was, this was like 20 years before his death. He was already an old man, but he was not as old. You get the chance to buy that ticket for that VIP meet and greet experience.

It'll be great. We'll get to talk to you about whatever you want to talk about. Or you can butt holes. You can butt holes and be like, who do you think you are? What makes you so good? We'll be like, I don't know. I don't frankly, honestly, could you tell us? You can butt and hold us or butt hole us since it's.

What? We can butt holes surface. Oh, yeah, you can butt hole surface. We're talking it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it pint glass on there. There's a new shirt. There's pins. They all look great. And so if you go to flophousepodcast.com slash stream, you can buy any merchandise you want. You can buy the tickets you want.

You can buy extra tickets for the VIP meet and greet to meet and talk to us and buttonhole us or surf our buttholes. I don't know exactly how it would work online, but we'll figure it out. That's battlefield earth, Brooklyn style, the flop house, finally. You can see our live show complete

with all the presentations that you normally don't get to see if the episode's audio is released in our feed. And that's April 22nd, 7pm, that will be there for the premiere of end. Flophousepodcast.com slash stream. Dan, what did you want to say? Oh, I just wanted to clarify something. There was someone on Twitter

like wondering where the merch was. I think it shows up after you are sort of like in the process of buying tickets. It's not just like a separate, you know, it's not like a regular story. It's like tied to the stream, but if you're confused looking for the merch, I think it comes in later in the process. And when you watch it, I don't know what the front end of this thing looks like. I'll be frank, but I think it's a dead man. And it's under the love's butts, only knows what the front end of this thing looks like. I'll be frank, but I don't know what the back end of this thing. I only have the back end. And this, this, that when you're watching the video, there will be an easy to notice dedicated

button for buying that merchandise also. Yeah. Yeah. So that's Flapphouse battlefield earth live event streaming event premiering April 22nd, flop house podcast.com slash stream. But we're not here just to promote our own stuff. We're here for the mini. And we're going to have fun today, guys, because you know what? This mini is being released around everyone's favorite holiday. Tax day.

That's right. Your background, your virtual background makes more sense now. Yeah, the day when we, as a nation, say, thank you, Uncle Sam, for all the things you do for us. Here's more of our money than you would like, than we would like you to take thank you, Uncle Sam, for all the things you do for us, here's more of our money than you would like, than we would like you to take, unless we're rich, in which case you will take much less of our money than you should be taking.

Then you need. Yes. And so because this is a round tax day, I wanted to take a look at the Flapp House accountants in the Isles, which is the name of this game today. It's not a game so much as a, let's call it a game. As an audit. Yeah, I'm going to be auditing. Great, thank you, Dan, I should have thought of that.

Oh boy, I really didn't think about this text theme as quickly as I could, as well as a good. So, I'm going to audit your feelings about several different movie accountants. I'm going to name an accountant from a movie and you tell me would you hire them to do your taxes? First of all, that's the criteria. Yes, do you guys use accountants in your daily life? In my daily life?

No. In my once a year life, yes, I have an accountant. Okay. I interact with my accountant more often than that. Really? Then once a year, I do too. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm a small business owner. But, uh, and, uh, a professional podcaster, Dan.

That's true. I know. I know. I might, you know, as someone who had, like, a TV job that would have variable income as due to residuals, as well as freelance stuff and the podcast. Yeah, it's a complex, it's a complex. It is. Yes. Yes. Stuart Knight, as small business owners, both of us, we talked to our

accountants frequently. Dan, as more of a joke writing a hobo, rambling man, just roaming like roaming the country, he eventually makes his way to his account. And once a year, and hands over his receipts, he's written on the backs of cans of beans. I don't like to think about things that stress me out. Some people might call it avoidant, but I just call it a way of coping that has worked for me. So I talk to my accountant as little as I can. But you know, you guys are best pals, so your account is fine. You know, yes.

My account and I, we go on vacation together. It's fine. Anyway, so I'm going to name some movie accountants. You tell me, would you hire them? This is just round one. And on where there's going to be three rounds in this episode and round two and round three will have some interesting twists. So round one, let what there's going to be three rounds in this episode and round two and round three We'll have some interesting twists. So round one. Let's start off. Okay. There's only one account

We can start with and that's the account Christian Wolf as played by Ben Affleck in the movie the account Which we cover on the promise. Yeah, would you hire the account to be your account? His skills seem to be more in the area of shooting people than traditional accountancy. But he is vestidious. He's very vestidious. That's the whole. That's true. Kind of this whole deal. His neurodiversity does give him certain superpowers. Yeah, according to that movie, it does. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, not according to other movies that he's not in, which don't say much about him. No, I'm just saying. Hold on a second. Dressack Park, do you have any comment on the accountant?

No comment. I think I'm just a kind of distressed by the like, I'm all for more norative or so you've been depicted in media, but it seems to have become an explosion of people thinking like, okay, if you're on the autism spectrum, you have various ill-defined superpowers, which like, look, if you're on the autism spectrum, you have various ill-defined superpowers, which like look, people on the spectrum have occasionally greater skills in certain areas.

It's not like it's coming out of nowhere, but it is a weird comic bookie understanding of different types of mental processes. Only in that all people have various skills, different areas. Yes, exactly. different types of mental processes. Only that all people have various skills, different areas. Yes, exactly. And different specifications. So the idea that this, and the idea that their special skill is so inextricably linked to their neurodiversity, it feels like the positive flip side of the long period when all serial

killers were presented as superhuman, supergeniuses who are constantly outthinking everybody else and have elaborate plans. When reality serial killers are sad, you know, sad, pathetic people who do terrible things for their, for out of purpose. Offal sexual lives that are linked with, yeah, it's horrible. And very, very, very, very, are they super moriarties? It's not like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Moriarties. It's not like, you know, like bottled rage sort of men with wire him glasses who I live alone and keep themselves. I mean, until the live alone part, you're kind of describing John Lennon. Is it possible? John Lennon was a serial killer. Wyrm glasses bottled rage. Um, anyway, sir, would you I would not high? Well, I mean, you would hire the accountant. I don't need my, you know, let's, let's be a, let's a week, wink. I don't need any houses to be painted right now. But maybe if I did, I would hire the accountant.

But why do Dan look at me when he said that? But not for accountancy, you know, what will you say? Yeah, I would totally hire him. He's super fisterious. It's played by the bean, bean town bad boy himself, Ben Affleck. I love him. Ben Bean Affleck. And you love beans. Bean Affleck. Yeah, I'll give him a shot. I think he, you know, I think I don't mean shot is like, I'll let him shoot me.

Yeah, I'll let him shoot me. I know he's not. Yeah. But maybe like, I think I'll give this guy a shot. Okay. What's the worst that'll happen? The worst that'll happen is you get involved in some kind of organized crime gang war.

True. Maybe a risk that you're willing to take if you can really save a lot of money in your taxes this year. And the thing is, is like, if some of his enemies capture me and they like threaten to torture me to give up information, I will fold immediately. Yeah, that's true. So, that's, see, that's fine. There's, like, it's, they won't have to tear my face off because I'll give it all up

already. They won't be like, so what you're saying is you would hire the accountant, but maybe the accountant should not accept you as a client. I would, I mean, it really depends on ways looking for an client. I mean, I'm very nice. I will give him coffee. I will like every person in my life that I pay for a service. I will be obsessed with the idea that they like me, even though I'm paying for that.

I love that life too. Guys, and as people know, if they watch our battlefield or a streaming show, I have started to crowdsource, not my tweets, but my decision, whether to tweet things or not. Do you think I should now tweet something about a Boston duck named Bean Aflac? Well, I think he needs more work. I think I think you need to come back to me once. Wow. You have a policy. Well, I mean, we can all come to a set of like concepts. You come more real killer over here on the Twitter game. All right. Okay. I'll come back to it. Maybe we'll see if I have something later in the episode spoiler. I won't let's move on to our net. So

a split decision on that one. Let's move on to our next accountant. This one. Who else would it be? Andy Dufrein, Tim Robbins from the Shawshank Redemption, unjustly convicted of murder, sent to jail. And it's his abilities as an accountant that gives him the opportunity to escape through miles of more shit and sewage and dirty diapers. I don't even want to think about now. Okay. So if I had Morgan Freeman, you just dropped on us. Have you been cooking that for a while? No, but I do. I am getting over a cold. So my voice is slightly deeper. I am getting over a cold, so my voice is slightly deeper. Okay. So I'm not one of the IMGB voters who like consistently for a while named the Shawshank

Redemption, the best movie that has ever been or shall ever be. What an era of American history that was when it was widely accepted that the Shawshank Redemption was the greatest film of all time. Not a very good movie. No, a good movie, but a movie that I think I have seen once in its entirety and enjoyed and then filed away. You sir have never stumbled on TNT in the middle of the day. Well, I said in its entirety.

Yeah, I've probably seen bits and pieces of the show. Like Andy and Frank digging a hole through his wall, I I think Dan found an escape in his claws there. Yeah, yeah. I've seen at least a part of the Shawshank Redemption at least a hundred times, but I don't, so he used his accountancy to trap the warden. Is that a thing that I think is? So the warden has him cooking the books at the prison. But then he manages to he is able to get lots of different favors because now he is the wardens pet and he's able in the end to escape. And then thanks to the rock hammer and poster they got from red. Yeah. And then after he escapes, he delivers the real books, the uncooked books to the authorities.

And that's how the word gets found out. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this sounds like some top shelf account accounting. I'll, you know, I don't have to go with this guy. I mean, like presumably he wouldn't be cooking the books if not directly asked to by a corrupt warden. So if you can use his accountancy to sort of set right, you know, the miscarriage of justice in his own life. I say yes. And he's good with a rock hammer, which is something you want in an account, too, would you hire Andy Dufrein? Well, he's a murderer though, right?

Didn't he kill his wife? No. Oh, well. I mean, no, technically, well, that's the thing. According to the legal record, just as a suspicion has fallen on Luke Skywalker for murdering his aunt and uncle since there's no other, there's no, that's the circumstances, evidence. Who are in the legal record? He was convicted of murdering his wife now there is evidence

I would there that there was hearsay evidence that another man secretly confessed of the crime of the crime. But that hearsay witness was I think murdered or transferred somewhere I don't remember what happens though. I've seen the movie probably ten times. I don't remember what happens to that guy. So which one's played by William Sadler? William Sadler played somebody in that movie, right?

Is he the warden? Was he, no, this was the warden? Was he deaf? Did he play deaf? I think he was like another inmate. He wasn't, he wasn't birdie, the inmate who can't handle life on the outside. Yeah. But so, so what you're saying is, I would say I would totally hire him because, you

know, the prison industrial complex in the United States is fucked up and I think he deserves a shot. Okay. I mean, and also you established by my hiring Ben Affleck that you will hire murderers to do your account. I mean, here's a picture of William Shatler and Shausink. Does that just that? Why does his hair look like two little devil horns? Well, he's got like, he's like, I would go to center part that he's, it's underneath a cap right now. That's not, that's a very specific, costuming choice that I think works.

Okay. Well, I'm glad that we could audience, I guess look up a picture of William Shadler and the Shausink redemption. Yeah, just, I mean, just Google William Sadler Shawshank. It is the picture that will come up. Okay. Now, it's a kind of criminal accountants. So any defrain is a man who has made a criminal accountant through circumstance.

Here's a man next is an accountant who similarly through circumstance, but actively chooses to become a criminal accountant. Who else but Leo Bloom, Gene Wilder in the producers, would you hire him as your accountant? Now, he does set up this entire scheme where they can make more money with a flop of the hit, but again, in the end, they do get caught and he also goes to jail. So it's another criminal, convict accountant, but he did it this time. He's got to do it. Yeah, I mean, incredibly guilty, as the foreman says.

He does not get caught, however, through a failure in an accountancy. He gets caught because of the hit nature of the show that they have produced. I mean, it seems to me, at the beginning of the movie, that he is a very good accountant because he becomes up with all this idea and. But how can the count and is he, if he's working for zero mustel and. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And then Dan is not in any way judging people who want to wine and dine little old ladies. You can be doing it for for their own. I'm doing it for other more. Just because they're on the rules doesn't mean there's not a fire in the hearth. Okay.

I think we've over corrected in the other direction. Oh, yeah, I say yes again. So guys, I've never seen the producers. What's it about? Really? You've never seen the producers? Nope. Is it a horror movie? It is not a horror movie. It is a, it's a comedy. It's a very funny movie. Is it a TNA comedy? There's a, no, not really. No. There's a sexy secretary, but, but I guess I'm hearing like a bikini at one point, but there's no, I wouldn't call. Well, in the spring time for Hitler number at the end, there's a lot of like boobs covered

with pretzels and beer's on. Yeah. So it's like an episode of the man show or something. Do you think? No, no. So this is a question for Stu and it's not like an episode of the main show. So there's all the, Stu, you probably, of course, remember in the dark night returns, the, the bank robbing lady who has swastikas on her boobs.

That Batman fights at one point. There's a scene in the producers where it's so it's, they put on a play called Spring Time for Hitler. I'm amazed you're not familiar with it. Famous movie. I've heard the name. One of the biggest Broadway shows in history. But they have these dancers who have German

things as, you know, boob coverings through the showgirls. None of them have swastika boob coverings. Do you think a young Frank Miller saw that in the theater and said, this is outrageous. Someday I'll correct the record by presenting a character who has swastika's honor moves and did so in the dark night returns. Yeah, and I mean, he, I mean, he threw a lot of those in his work, of his various works. Yeah. If he's, there's a ninja in one of his stories.

That ninja's got a shuriken that's in the shape of a Swastika, which is kind of wild. Yeah, that's a neat one too. It's also show up in the spirit too, like wild. Probably. Probably. I mean, the spirit was, if ever there was a movie where someone took source material and said, instead of doing this in the spirit, pun intended, of the original, I'm going to do it the way I would do it. It was that movie where Frank Miller was like, I respect Will Eisner's work so much that

I will make it unrecognizable as Will Eisner's work and instead make it as Frank Miller's possible. Who played the spirit, uh, some Shmo? I think it was like some guy. He just credited as some Shmo. Mm-hmm. He wasn't like a big star of any kind. No, he wasn't. Any remains not.

Anyway, so, Stuart, you're going to say no comment because you don't know enough about Leo Bloom. Now, what if, but you're familiar with? Is he named after Leopold Bloom for a, okay, Gabriel Mocked. And now, Stuart, I'm sure you're familiar with Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka. Would you hire Willy Wonka then as your accountant? Well, he's got a lot of panache, but he doesn't seem, he, and he likes to delegate, but things, I mean, there's a lot of dead children in the ball.

So I'm going to say I would pass. I would pass on Willy Wonka as a, as an attorney. Also, I feel like every time I would need to talk to him about stuff, he'd turn into a big fucking production. That's true. There'd be a song. He'd have, he'd pull some kind of strange prank on you. But it's true. If you're going to, if you're going to hire your accountant based on how few dead children are in his factory, he's not the one. Yeah. Oh, I was going to say you're going to run to trouble anywhere.

That's the problem. So this next one, I don't know if I guess she's an accountant. She keeps the books at her family's business. This is Loretta Castareini, share from Moonstruck. Would you hire her as your accountant? Well, I'm going to answer. Keep in mind, she is in dread. She is in desperate need of passion in her life.

Yeah, I'm going to answer first two and I'm going to say that he's going to say, yes, immediately. No question. I'm just going to hang out with her. Yes. And possibly more question mark. Yes. Yeah.

Um, I, I, I, I, another one that like I haven't, I saw once when I was far too young to, like, I feel like I'm positive that is a movie that will hit harder and I will understand more than me seeing it. You love it. You love it. You really love it. You should it's a great movie. That's a great movie. I mean, you watch it. I put it up for years not realizing how much of like I think I mentioned this on the podcast before, but how much of it is like, it's basically like a Shakespearean comedy at that point. Yes, yes, exactly. It's so good.

And yeah, it's a movie that you watch it and you're like, how do the same guy write this and write Wild Mountain Time? That's part of this. But it reminds me, Dan, you should watch, it's like the movie Breaking Away. My dad always used to tell me how good it was and I was like, no thanks, not going to watch it if you think it's good. And then I finally watched it years ago and I was like, oh, it's a great movie. I really like this a lot.

Now, if you're happy to know that my dad and I do not see eye to eye on everything everywhere all at once, which during my recent visit to New Jersey, he made clear to me, he was not a fan of. But that leads me to my next person. Would you hire yourself as your accountant, as in everything everywhere all at once, a movie where a lot of their problems might have been solved if they had a professional accountant and didn't handle all of their files themselves. I'm going to say no, because I'm not, you guys, I don't, I'm not going to surprise anyone

here. I'm not that much of a numbers guy, you know, I'm more like a vibes and feeling that. I feel like the only numbers you're interested, the only number you're interested in is 40,000 as in Warhammer 40,000. The only numbers I care about are stat blocks on my units. I want a low armor save, low to hit roll, high number of wounds. I feel I love that that approaching middle-aged Stewart, young Stewart when he was on would talk a lot about like sexy stuff on the podcast. Approaching me late story really likes to bother us with the minutia of what a hammer.

I mean, like, yeah, oh, Jesus Christ, I had something I wanted to say and I guess you want to talk about what were you. Before he cast on the army, you would play if you had the chance. So, do I yourself, do you remember what was the count? No, I remember what it was. I was just imagining Stewart trained to like hand in vibes to the IRS. Like, do you accept these vibes? Like, I'm more of a vibes than a number guy. So what about this? Like, you're giving me a blu-ray criterion collection edition of the movie vibes, and I'm like, it exists, I think. Yeah. No, I mean, the fact that I am spending money already to have someone do my taxes for

me because I neither, I mean, obviously no one wants to do them, but I also just don't understand and know that I would do them wrong in every way means that I would not hire myself as an accountant. I think that's it. I went real quick. Just anyone who is not from the United States, just understand that the United States tax system is intentionally overcomplicated. Yes.

So that supports this bullshit cottage industry of accounts. No, that's okay. Literally every time the IRS is about to roll out a home website where they will provide the information you need and fill out the forms for you so that you can just basically sign it and pay a huge industry of like turbo tax and things like that. Lobby's actively to kill those measures. The same way that there was a one point, there was a real push for the US weather bureau

to stop releasing free information that was taxpayer funded because places like the weather channel wanted to have a monopoly on that information, which again, they got from the government, which was taxpayer funded. So this is like an episode of last week tonight, you get your laughs, you get some serious shit, it's great. Where's our fucking name these are? Sorry, and that way, when do we do the big production number that involves a lot of expensive costumes? Of you unfettered capitalism, none nuts out there who are screaming about socialism.

This is the kind of good stuff that you are actively working against. We could have easy taxes, but you're like, no, the market's going to figure it out. No, the market fucks everything. Was that Kermit the Frog? Yeah, Kermit was libertarian. So socialists, that was not libertarian. I was against libertarianism. I'm saying more socialists. No, no, you're not.

And that's the, that was Kermit. That's right. So the character of libertarian Kermit is like, uh, uh, uh, Piggy, don't you understand that a little smaller government means larger responsibility for everybody. So isn understand that a little smaller government means larger responsibility for everybody. So isn't that a little bit better? I feel like there's a little hand on my hand. I can't care at all because you see, uh, competition is good and invariably goes to like

Piggy karate chops them. At that point, I'm in favor of everyone living the way they want to live as long as they want to live like me, a upper middle class or upper class white man who wears a polo shirt and khaki pants. So anyway, that's libertarian Kermit the frog. I'm glad we got so political. We're almost done with this round. So make him something angry out there. Yeah, there's this one person left.

I didn't realize when I proposed this, this fun tax game that we would end up angry with many of our not-with-a-centre listeners. Yeah. So the next one, Rick Moranis as Lewis Tully and Ghostbusters, are you going to hire him as your accountant? Keep in mind, it does mean you are instantly invited to a party at his apartment. It's a pretty cool apartment building because of all the magic. Yeah.

Well, that party also doubles as a write off because he only invited clients, not friends. So that sounds like a pretty good account. That was going. Yeah. That is. I do. Now, is he a dog at this point or not a dog? This is a good question, Stewart, because I was going to ask separately if you would hire

him as a demon dog. So as a human, would you hire him as a demon dog? Would you hire him? Well, as a demon dog, I like his confidence. I mean, as regular Lewis Tully, he's doing fine. As a demon dog, he's begging Sigourney Weaver. He's, it's like this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he'll just have to have their dog doors and shit. Yeah. So, you're saying yes as a demon dog. Just regular Lewis Tully, you know what? I'll give him a shot. Why not?

You know, I'm not me see. It's those vibes we were talking about. Yes, Stewart's all about vibes. And you know what? You should also give a shot. Our sponsors today, Dan, I believe we have some sponsors on this episode. Well, you know what? I mean, this kind of talks about-

You know, our first product is TurboTax, although- You know, this kind of chatter is the sort of thing. These are the thoughts that you might have when microdosing, you know, because our show today is sponsored by MicroDoseGummy. It's microdoseGummy is a little bit perfect. Entry level doses of THC that help you feel just the right amount of good. If you don't want to feel the wrong amount of good, if you don't want to feel bad,

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We're also sponsored today by Babel. But again, that is microdose.com code.plop. We're also sponsored today by Babel. Now, for most of us, and I know it means for me, learning a second language in high school and in college was not what I did the best. In high school, I took Spanish. I consistently did very poorly. And I remember I went and asked my teacher, what could I do to be doing,

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Baby Geniuses. Every other week on MaximumFun.org. We're back to the game, which is not really a game, but more of a discussion. Round 2. We talked about tax preparation with the countenance. I'm going to name some movie taxi drivers and you tell me if you're getting into that cab. Same basic thing when study your taxes, it's your taxes.

Oh, okay. I hope one of the specific one shows up. We'll see. I don't know if this is short round. First off, of course, we got to go with the taxi driver himself, Travis Bickle, Robert Nero. Are you getting into that cab? I mean, I, you know, look, I'm not saying anything intentionally negative, but I mean,

he, you know, most taxi drivers look kind of grumpy and, you know, I have no way of judging from the outside who is like a murderer or a potential mass murderer. You know, he is because you've seen his movies. You know, I've seen his movies. He's also famous. Remember they wrote him up in the newspapers. I've always assumed that he would eventually, I always want to do a thing where I write

his obituary and he's become a Fox News host at a certain point. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know what? I think it depends on the time of day. Because like, if it's like really late and there are no other cabs, I'd probably be like, well, you know, he didn't like killing me if his like taxi, like clients, you know, I don't know.

He didn't try to kill presidential candidate Charles Palantine who was, yeah, but no one knows about that. So that's true. They think his name is Cranklelaw. I think he just goes around killing, you know, Pemps and such. Yeah. And he's a, like, I think he's a pretty good listener. Like, if I just want him to like sit outside somebody's apartment while I say some wild ass shit to him, they'll just sit there and take it.

That's true. He'll just sit there and listen while you say the most possible things. Yeah. Say terrible things. Good point. Good point. You can save on therapy with him. Okay.

So that's now from taxi driver to taxi. That's right. Bill Williams played by Queen Latifa in the Jimmy Fallon hit film taxi. Wow. Hit is charitable. I mean, well, it was a hit in France, the original version. The original one that it's based on was a hit in France. But yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that the idea was like she was a good driver. Like she did a lot of chases and stuff in that movie. I didn't see it. So I'll say sure. She'll give me their fast. I assume.

Okay. Yeah, I'm assuming she'll get you there fast and she's got, you know, she's great. She's a huge dog. She has a queen Latifah. She's queen Latifah. Yeah. She's the queen Latifah a little bit. Is she the equalizer?

Where's that someone else? Yes. She's now the equalizer. So if you need anything the equalizer. Yeah, actually. Is she the equalizer? Where's that somebody else? Yes, now the equalizer. So if you need anything equal, that's. Every, every once in a while, Charlene, I'll be watching that show and I'll catch like 10 seconds and it's the most insane thing I've seen in my life. I'm imagining, like it reminds me of like, there was like a, you know, when you're in college like, and drinking is new to you, like it's all very like, I remember time when I was with my friend Ariel and we're like pouring out of drinking, making sure that we both got the same amount.

And I'm just imagining that that's what the equalizer does. She comes here. Okay, all those wine glasses look equal away. She shows up when people are splitting a check at the end of the night and goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You got drinks. She didn't. She doesn't have to pay as much equalizer. You ate most of those poppers. Yeah. You ordered that for the table. I mean, that's kind of the plate

next to you and ate it all yourself. That is sort of de-equalizing, but you know, that's also a valid part of her job, I assume. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think it's not equal, it's not equal in terms of everyone gets the same thing. It's that everyone gets what they need. It's fairness. She's the fairerizer, not the equalizer, I guess. That's really cool. Yeah.

Sounds great. Or fairy poppins, which is a maid or a nanny. And the, so yeah, I guess the arrow riser is, of course, somebody goes around and puts like, fairer headdresses on people. Yeah. So yeah, I guess I am, I guess I am getting in that cab, guys. Okay, getting the cab. Now, here's another cab.

I'm wondering if you're going to take this is the cab of Max Deroscher played by Jamie Foxx in Collateral. That's the thing. He might get in the way of my job. That's true. And he'll spend the whole time telling me about his plans to have a future of owning a fleet of limos. He's got some housing to paint.

So not a great listener is what you're saying. Yeah. Uh, I mean, again, I don't think anything that happened in collateral would, I'd be like, if anything, Jamie Foxx, you know, prevented more mayhem. So, but that's the thing. If somebody gets in the cab after me and is like, I got to kill that dude Stewart. He'll probably help prevent it. Yeah.

All right. So you want him out there in the world, but you're not necessarily taking the cab yourself. All right, so you are. So was that so that's a no on that? Yes, I'm stupid. No, I'll give him a shot, why not? Okay, yeah, you're easy.

You had vibes and so Dan, you were interested in giving Travis Piccala shot, but not J.E. Fox. No, I didn't say that. I was trying to help Stuart crystallize his thoughts. Oh, okay. Yeah, Dan helped. No, I, I will get in that cap. Okay, great. And now we're on to round three. We've talked about taxes. We've talked about taxis. And now it's finally time to talk about everyone's favorite creative art, taxidermy. That's right. The mounting of animals in a life like position don't call it stuffing. Taxidermists do not like to say that they stuff animals. They say they mount them. I was 100% sure the third round was going to be

about Texas. That's a fucking Steve Miller by the song or something. Not a lot of actors have played Texas as the problem. I mean, I've never seen Debbie does Dallas, but maybe Dallas is a person and not a place. Possibly. Yeah. So, guys, here's some movie taxidermists. Tell me, are you hiring them? Number one, maybe the most famous movie taxidermist, Norman Bates, Anthony Perkins and Psycho, Mount Sherbirds.

Are you hiring him as a taxidermist? Keep in mind, he has worked with larger objects than birds, namely, mothers. I am going to say I'm not hiring him, not because of the murderousness per se, but because I think that he seems to be, he seems to be a hobbyist as a taxidermist. You know, his main line of work is motel manager. That's true. That's true. So, you know, I probably would go to someone who'd actually like hung out there shingle before I would knock on his door.

I'm going to say, you know, shower time is super important to me. And I feel like if he worked for me, I'd constantly be nervous that I was going to get interrupted. Not murder, just interrupt. Interrupted. Yeah. to get interrupted. Not murdered, just interrupted. Yeah. Like the original title of psycho, girl interrupted. She's a girl. Girl, she had a life interrupted. Yeah, you got permanent interruption.

Okay, so that's a no from both of you. I think I'm Norman Bates. I think that's fair. But only because you see his work with birds is great. His work with his mom's body, not great. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Unless you body, not great. They didn't. Not like. Yeah.

Unless you never saw her when she was alive. In life, she may have been a shriveled little mummy, you just screaming constantly. She's probably like, one of those Apple dolls. Yeah. So next, guys, going to a character who is slightly less murderous, we're going to talk to, we're going to talk about Barry Speck, Steve Carell in the movie Dinner for Schmuck's. He specializes in taxidermy mice and posing them in non-life like situations where they're in costumes and stuff. Would you hire him for your taxidermy needs? Keep in mind, he's apparently very

annoying. Yes, I mean, you know, again, this posits a world where I have tax vermineeds, which I don't think is ever going to happen. I've died not particularly keen on the idea of having an animal, you know, like put in my home, like the corpse of an animal that has been treated and, you know, preserves. It doesn't smell. No, I know. I just, I think it would make me sadder more than anything else, not just throw shade on anyone who has any taxidermy.

It's just my personal, but those are pretty adorable little mouse dioramas. They are. This true. Now, I just want to make sure our listeners understand that in terms of Dan worrying, he's hurting a listener's feelings. Number one of the top does not honor hurt feelings of anyone texture me. A little bit lower down. He's okay with slightly hurting the people, the feelings of people who wind and dine old ladies. He is not worried about hurting the feelings of libertarians. So that is his, his period of values. Yeah. Who he's afraid of offending.

hierarchy of values. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, did he have like a wacky haircut in that movie or something? He's just got kind of, he's got like kind of longish bangs. It's like short, but and he's got, you know, he's not wacky, but it's not great looking haircut. Okay. So I guess with that in mind, yeah, I'll hire him. Okay. Why was that the... Well, Dan, I didn't question why you don't like having taxidermy animals. Why? Can't you let me, why? That's part of the reason.

No, I agree. I agree. I think it's unfair for you to question how Stewart uses hair as his side. I guess he's worried that the fur and the taxidermy would end up looking like the hair if he can't take care of his own hair. Yeah, I'm just spinning it out. I don't know. And the other thing about taxidermies, you got to watch out for moths.

On the other hand, can you go to a, you guys, you go to a town with two barbers. One barber has a great cut. The other barber has a terrible haircut, which barber do you go to? You don't go to the barber with the great haircut. Yeah. You go to the barber with a bad hair. Classic. Yeah, it's like you don't trust this. I use the bull wisdom. Yeah. classic. Yeah, it's like you don't trust this. I use the ball wisdom. This reminds me of a during the episode of a president's or people too about theater Roosevelt. I went to visit a taxidermist because theater Roosevelt wasn't a taxidermy. And I asked him if

it was possible to take a cow, cut just one steak out of it, and then mount the rest of the cow with an open slot where they stick. Lov gun. And he was so, he was so confused and disgusted that I would even suggest such a thing. Even as a joke, which reminds me, our next version is Theodore Roosevelt. That's right. Real person, a real hobbyist taxidermist. It could be the Theodore Roosevelt from Newsies, the Theodore Roosevelt from The Wind and the Lion, the tiny Theodore Roosevelt, I guess tiny, the diorama Theodore Roosevelt from Night at the Museum battle the, not battle some so many. He was Roosevelt from night at the museum battle the not that was the zone. Yeah, he was like,

I was like a full size man again. He's not one of the small ones. It's an incredibly inaccurate view of the museum natural history. But anyway, theater Roosevelt. Are you gonna hire him as? Yeah, that was your that was your issue.

You're like, I'm turning this nonsense. I mean, in a way they're like, Oh, now we're in the diorama section with these ancient Roman diramas. And I'm like, what what museum is this? What are you talking about? You know, I probably would just because I think that like, you know, I don't know how much

interaction I'm going to have, but if I can sit around while I was doing some of the work, I bet he's got some good stories. Okay. Fair. I mean, I would do it mainly because I know my friend, Ellie, would get such a big kick out of it. You like, Ellie, you won't believe me. We like taxidermists.

Hey, hey, Teddy, we're doing this on a sea space time. I mean, he would call him Teddy because he's, he liked theodore. He didn't like when people called him Teddy. That's the kind of information you would have to share with me over a face time. Yeah. It's ironic that you bring up Teddy though because, because of course the Teddy bear is named after him. And our final taxidermist was the one after, the most, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy Ruck spin after

after him because the bear, Alan Ruck was riding on the back of the bear at the time and the heroes of Elts spun it around. So he could run as Teddy Ruck spin. So guys, there's an adorable bear named Paddington. There's a taxidermist this afternoon. Millicent Clyde played by Nicole Kidman from the film Paddington. Are you going to hire this taxidermist? Now, I don't think I would. There's no shade on her work, which I'm sure is good. but I can. Dan, you can hurt her feelings.

Heartbreak feels good in a place like this. I just, I can't, I cannot condone any sort of injury or possible injury to my man padding to. So I'm not going to support anyone who supports possibly. So if somebody were to say like, definitely has Marmalade sandwich. Yeah, you wouldn't like that. Oh, no. Wait, is this a, that's if age 47 was,

I feel like it feels like it was just a different. Yeah, you, you've made sort of like oblique references to your side. I'm worried. I love the idea of that that Tom Cruise gets into the cabin collateral and he's and he's like follow that bear and he's got to go after patting him to get the hit on him. No, man. He wouldn't stand on my whole man's follow that bear. Yeah, you would have to change the name of the movie to follow that bear. Would that wait? Yeah, yeah, of course that hire.

It's Nicole Kidman, dude. So you just want to hang. Yeah, I just want to hang. I would, uh, man, I would have a lot of questions like, uh, I would show where the pictures of her walking away from her divorce, uh, finalist, like, where is going on there? I think using this with the actor? Oh, right. What's it like when your, when your husband is reincarnated as a little kid? Is that weird?

Yeah. Oh, that's all these questions. What was it like working with Chanwook Park? It should be like that I'm a taxidermist. I don't know what you're talking about. That's what we do. Yeah. That's the way what happened.

But the thing is all, all these things considered, I would still hire because, you know, it's close enough. Yeah. And also, if she's going to, if she wants to stuff, sorry, it shouldn't say stuff, I'm the one who was warning you not, she's going to mount Paddington. That's a big project, but again, confidence, it's all about confidence. I know that you're supposed to say mount, but if she's going to mount Paddington, sounds like an entirely different. She's just living, she's living a lot of women's dreams and

mounting Paddington. Yeah. I mean, he does seem very cuddly. But he also reads like a child. So I don't think that I mean, true. It's true. Very true. And he's again, his paws have got to be sticky. So much. So much marble. That's that that's the hard part with that with that texturmy job is cleaning the marmalade out of the fur. Yeah, which is very difficult like a comb. Yeah, also like why is there so much on on patting just head?

Well, let me tell you where I kept the sandwiches. You're going to want to sit down for this. And well, listeners, I hope you've been sitting down and enjoying this episode of the Flop House mini. I'd like to thank Dan and Stu and I'd like to thank you for listening. I'd like to say, I hope your text a goes smoothly and as painlessly as possible. I want to thank our producer editor, Alex Smith. You can follow him online as Howell Dottie.

And I would like to thank the maximum fun network for being our network. They're a great network. And I'd also like to thank you for going right now to flop house podcast.com slash stream and buying your ticket to our battlefield earth streaming event. You can finally see one of our live shows. If you've never gotten to see one before with their presentations with the Q&A's and like we said, you've got a chance to get a VIP meet and greet session with us. The peaches be in funny and doing silly stuff and Stuart will be like, bye, uh, at the

end of the meet and greet probably and official merchandise, new looking merchandise. I'm excited about it. I'm going to buy some of that also tickets Tickets available at flopphousepodcast.com. Slash stream. Guys, thank you for going on this journey of words that sound like other words with me. Thanks, Elliott. Bye! Hey!

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