The Flop House - FH Mini 8 - Missed That Movie - Zombies Anonymous

Episode Date: May 30, 2020

Somebody gave Stuart a movie, and he watched it! And now he's telling us about it!Also, watch The Flop House LIVE show LIVESTREAM for CHARITY in your OWN HOME next Saturday, JUNE 6! ...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Okay, so welcome back. This is the Flappass podcast. I'm Stuart Wellington. Oh, I'm, I'm Dan McCoy. TV is porcupig, everybody right there. And I'm Elliott Kaelin, saying my name as if I've heard it before and said it before. So thrown off by the fact that I am not the first person to announce my name that I thought about it for a second. Yeah, there's a moment when your glasses flipped off your face and you had a like fumble with them in your hands. Wobble, wobble. Yeah. So this is another mini episode. There's an off week mini episode of the Vla Pous. Brought to you by Minis, the bar. Yeah, brought to you by Minis Bar, a bar that I am a partial owner.
Starting point is 00:00:53 Now normally we watch a bad movie and talk about it. But what we're going to do tonight is we're going to do another installment of Missed That Movie. That's right. The popular reoccurring episode style where one of us has watched a movie and then we explain it to the others. The other two have to decide whether they are glad they missed it, sad they missed it, or had to not miss it and they're gonna run over to their DVD player and start watching immediately. Well, I'll have to wait to acquire the DVD, but I'm relying on the player. I'm not going to have this. In a, in a, in a, in a David Blaine style piece of street magic, go check your DVD player.
Starting point is 00:01:35 It's already in there. I know what the movie is and it's Jordan edited in the name of movie later. But you're still going to have to say it, Dan, at some point for her to put it in there. Sure, it's zombies anonymous. That joke is fun here. If you can see Dan, open his mouth as if the words are gonna be dubbed in and then close his mouth. Yeah, yeah. Any time to perfectly. So for this one, I did something a little bit special guys.
Starting point is 00:02:08 I had to reach into the M&M and M&M store. That's right. The Miss That Movie Movie Muzzleium. Where? Store? Well, I store movies in there. Fair point, fair point. So I selected a movie that. Fair point, fair point.
Starting point is 00:02:29 So I selected a movie that was donated by listener Ryan Alexander. I think you donate it to me at the bar one night news like you got to watch this. It's my favorite movie ever. I might be getting his quote wrong. It's a movie titled ZA Zombies Anonymous. A very low budget horror movie from 2006. Shot almost entirely in New York on video with basically no music, except for a few touches of classical music, truly sell some of the very emotional moments.
Starting point is 00:02:57 So you're probably already very excited. You know what guys? You'll be even more excited when I tell you that the special effects team, that's right, It's demonic pumpkins. You know, so right off the bat, I'm going to tell you why Stewart is so much better at miss that movie than I am. It's because we know we've been listening. We know why it's I'm sure you'll enjoy of a little boy who's finally been allowed to do a book report on the thing he really wants to do. Which is some dumb movie instead of a book. There's a story. I remember you telling Stuart about doing a report on the rhyme of the ancient mariner where you played Iron Maiden's rhyme of the ancient mariner in class.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Yeah, the best part about this report was that it was an undergraduate romanticism class. And it was about halfway through the guitar solo in a very long song where the professors like, we could just turn this off. Now, mistake. Now Stuart, what is demonic pumpkin? Demonic pumpkins is of course a special effects team. I'm assuming base seven New York and boy do they put some work in. So, the movie opens.
Starting point is 00:04:12 So, who the stars? Is there a name cast? No. Okay. Sorry, foolish question. Why is the answer? I apologize. Okay.
Starting point is 00:04:23 So, we're introduced to our heroes, Angela and Josh. They are a young couple and they're going through a breakup. Angela has barricaded herself in the bathroom while Josh rages outside the door before breaking down the door, saying a bunch of swear words and then shooting Angela in the head. Josh, so when you say a breakup, you're, it's, you're underselling it. Yeah, it's, it's very unpleasant. So Josh is confronts the enormity of what he's done, you know, he looks at the gun, he looks at the dead girlfriend, et cetera. And then he
Starting point is 00:04:56 runs away. Of course, moments later, Angela crawls out of the tub into her living room. And then two paramedics show up in her living room and kind of shrug their shoulders and then leave her seemingly dying on the floor. And then the credits start. Hell yeah. During the credits we need. Now the pyramid is that supposed to be a joke
Starting point is 00:05:19 that the paramedics just give up? Or they? There is, I don't think there's any jokes in this movie, Ellie. I think there is. I'm gonna call zombies anonymous, there's any jokes in this movie, Ellie. I'm moving from zombie's anonymous. There's no jokes in it. Yeah, from the way Stuart delivered all that information, I've been feeling it's gonna be very simple, like key to this world that's being built.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Like there's gonna be a, yeah. So the paramedics show up and just, I couldn't tell if they, because like a lot of things, they don't explain it. I couldn't tell if the paramedics show up and just, I couldn't tell if they, because like a lot of things, they don't explain it. I couldn't tell if the paramedics were like, up, she's dead, okay, we're gonna just piece out. Or if they're like, up, she's not dead, see you later. Like, so over the credits,
Starting point is 00:05:58 where once again, they mentioned demonic pumpkins, bring that up again. We see a bunch of like clips from news stories that's kind of... Stephen King's original version of needful things. The Devil opened a story called demonic pumpkins and it was like, no one's coming in. Am I being too open about the premise of this story?
Starting point is 00:06:16 Yeah. Yeah. That is... It's... Sorry. That's Stephen King's book, starring popular SNL character David S. Pumpkins. Yeah, who opens the store to Monica.
Starting point is 00:06:31 I mean, I feel like that's a crossover that's been waiting to happen. So during the first week we get... It makes way more sense than that Tommy Nockers, it's Pat Crossover they did in the 90s. That was crazy. Yeah, and they, for some reason, the intro music, they use the song Tommy Nockers by Blind Guardian. Very strange choice. So during the credits, we see a bunch of news stories
Starting point is 00:06:52 about how the United States is coping with a zombie epidemic. And how the world is trying to move on somehow by incorporating zombies into the existing rubric of society. But it's clearly a divisive issue. There's even a clip where a TV preacher suggests a final solution for these zombies. So it's, yeah. That seems like an ill-thought-out parallel. I mean, considering, so I don't know yet if the zombies in this movie eat brains or anything, but like the Jews don't eat brains.
Starting point is 00:07:27 Like, like zombies are... They can be surviving that. Legit monsters, Jews are not monsters. I think that's the same way that the X-Men as an oppressed minority parallel breaks down when you consider that the X-Men have superpowers. Now you have alienated all cultures that do eat brains, but not specifying that, of course, you're against live brain eating in particular. Any human brain eating, Dan, I don't even, if you just stumble on a corpse on the street,
Starting point is 00:07:54 don't crack that skull open and dig the brains out. I'm just saying it seemed not specific. I just, uh, certainly I am more aghast at the eating of live human brains. Unless, unless it's like that scene in Hannibal with Raleota and then the brain guy gets a taste, you know? And it's hilarious. Yep, that's best seen in the movie. So we then get a title card five months later.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Josh, the violent boyfriend is riding around with his two childhood friends, Ricky and Malcolm. They're wannabe zombie hunters, and they find a lone zombie and attack him. Now, these zombies look a little bit different than the ones you're used to. This guy is kind of all by himself. He's got like a burned up face, but he's wearing a pristine sweatshirt in jeans, and he seems to be completely in control of his faculties. He's just like a Rod and Corpse man in like a Princeton sweatshirt. Even after death, they just can't stop bragging about going to Princeton. Exactly. Meanwhile, Angela is attending a support group of other
Starting point is 00:08:57 mortally challenged individuals. I guess that's a joke. I was just about to say there's no jokes in the movie. I would like to say there's still no jokes in the movie. So they like these zombies which they prefer not to be called zombies share their sob stories about how they, you know, all the things that they've lost in becoming undead. And then they have a donut break and then they vomit into individually marked vomit buckets because I guess they can't eat donuts
Starting point is 00:09:31 because there's zombies. She tries to go back to work, but she's harassed by her coworker who just like stares at her a lot. So she has trouble adapting to life at one point. She catches a rat in her kitchen and eats it and then is upset about it. Just to be fair, you don't have to be a zombie to do that. No, exactly.
Starting point is 00:09:50 As much as I am against just cracking people's skulls open and digging their brains out, if you find a rat in your house, go ahead. Don't let those nutrients go to waste. Mmm, meat on the hood. Especially if you have a meat and a cat listening. Yeah, if you're a cat, even the more do so, yeah, go ahead. And in fact, if you're a cat, I don't know, do whatever you want. Human laws can't touch you.
Starting point is 00:10:12 Just look at me, Cavity. He's broken all of them. So her murderous ex-boyfriend Josh and his buddies are trying to join a zombie hunting militia run by a large Italian fellow named the Gouche and a kind of abrasive aggressive woman named the the common don't they meet at a diner where the common don't has a meltdown when she's approached by a zombie waiter. It sounds like a like a 70 sitcom common don't and the Gouche. And like he's an escaped Nazi work criminal. And she's just like a Italian girl from, I don't know, Be Ridge or something like that.
Starting point is 00:10:51 And there are roommates now. Comandont and the Gooch is a Gary Marshall show. And in this case, hunting zombies. So they later kidnapped that waiter zombie and execute him in like an initiation ritual. Okay. that waiters zombie and execute him in like an initiation ritual. Okay, so back to Angela, you know, she's bummed out that she's a zombie, she looks kind of gross, but not that bad. I mean, she got shot in the head, but like,
Starting point is 00:11:15 as long as she combs her hair right, you know, you know, she's doing everything. I mean, as long as you get here. You don't get to see the handy work, yeah. And, well, I mean, well, she doesn't. But if she comes, if she combs her hair right, you don't get to see the handy work. Yeah, and I mean, well, she doesn't. But if she comes, if she comes her hair right, you don't get to see the handy work of demonic pumpkins. So she considers going to a termination center that another one of the support groups on these describes
Starting point is 00:11:35 as this like kind of like a disorganized slaughterhouse where the undead are finished off by like basically, you know, like, like, gruff blue collar guys who are goofing around while they're blowing zombies heads off. She's also attacked by a guy while she's waiting for the bus all because she's a zombie and she's also being stalked by her ex-boyfriend who I guess knows that she's alive or not alive. She takes, she ends up getting in a car with some freewheeling, like unlife loving zombies that trick her into eating human meat
Starting point is 00:12:12 and she like totally gets high and trips out on it. And then they, so this world, I likely missed something due to one being me, also allergy medicine, but is this positive in a world where human flesh is like drug addiction to zombies then? I believe so. This is the first time they introduced just the idea
Starting point is 00:12:38 that a zombie could eat a human. So it makes it even stranger that the humans are going to such lengths to kill the zombies. I'm very confused about the purpose of the film. Oh, well, that's not going to be cleared up as I described the rest of it. So they take the cool zombies that she's hanging out with, take her to a zombie cult headquarters, which is in like a house that's kind of unfinished. And they kind of are trying to convince her to meet with their spiritual leader named Good Mother Solstice.
Starting point is 00:13:15 And then they try and get a participate in a feast on like an unwilling human woman on a victim. And she refrains from doing that, she swoones and she passes out. Meanwhile, Josh has followed Angela to the cult house and the zombie hunters have attacked the cult killing all the zombies. Josh spares Angela this time, but his friend Richie gets mortally wounded in the fight and he turns into a zombie and the comet on the Gooch execute him. So it's Josh like well I killed you once it would be it would be churlish of me to kill
Starting point is 00:13:49 you twice. Well, he's one of those characters who's like a lot of his dialogue is yelled and his like his two emotions are extreme anger at her or he's like like stairs at his fist like bat like Superman sitting on a ledge in the rain, like wondering, you know, like wondering what to do with all his power. Superman's like, those times when Superman's like, why don't I just become king of this world? What am I doing? Who could stop me? Uh, you know what house filled with dead zombies. She tries to go back to work, but she gets fired. Then she tries to get back.
Starting point is 00:14:31 I love grounds. I think it's just because she's a zombie. So it's just prejudice, okay. Yeah, it's just prejudice. It wasn't they were like, they were like, we could deal with you being with one of, being one of the undead. But we know you've been stealing supplies. Yeah. So she, which would have been funny if she was like using like staples to like hold her
Starting point is 00:14:51 body together. I guess that's what's in me showing my my anti zombie sentiments. So she tries to find a new job. She even buys this makeup called look alive, which is supposed to make her skin look less, you know, slightly waxy. It doesn't work, obviously. She can't get her job because the place she tries to get a job at, discriminate against zombies. She tries to find some comfort with the zombie support group, but then the zombie hunters attack again, killing all the zombies, and
Starting point is 00:15:22 kidnapping her. Now, this is a point where my favorite character, the Gooch, getting blood all over himself, takes his shirt off and just like wipes it on himself and then leaves it in the street in like a cul-de-sac. Classic kid. Yeah, this movie seems to, I don't know if it does, but in viewing, but it seems to be falling, I don't know if it does, but in viewing. But it seems to be falling, falling, what's the word on that? Exactly, precisely into place, like a well-oiled machine. No.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Uh-huh. Falling victim. Like kind of a clockwork mechanism, like sneakers or, you know, the Spanish designer. Falling victim to like the fan of menace. Falling victim to one of the classic blunders of this type of thing, where they're making some sort of parallel with people being oppressed in some way.
Starting point is 00:16:12 And yet the parallel they're making implies that oppressed people are running corpses. Yeah, our monsters. Yeah, sure. Yeah. What's like, like, how in bright, it's extensively a movie about tolerance, but it's also a movie that tells you that every race has different superpowers and that they actually are very different genetically and spiritually and physically, so maybe they should be in different strata, because they didn't think too hard about what they were doing, I guess. Yeah, and I mean, in this movie, the only organization of zombies are basically like a hippie cult
Starting point is 00:16:48 Commune who get high off of eating humans. So Yep, the zombie hunters take Take Angela and the other kidnap zombies to a field where they're going to execute them Just at the last minute they're rescued when the zombie cult attacks and kills the zombie hunters in a hail of bullets in a very exciting action sequence. Now what's the sarcasm percentage on what you just said? I would say like 75% pretty high okay pretty high so still 25% thrilling yeah, thrilling sounds like the word that he wants to. This economy, you're not gonna do better than that. I mean it can't
Starting point is 00:17:33 all be hopped in Shaw, you know? Yeah, so at this point Josh has been, he has been shot, but he escapes. The common-done also escapes. The Guch, not so well. He gets overtaken by zombies and ripped to shreds. Angela is rescued by the cult. She wakes up and in yet another unfinished house. Good mother solstice introduces herself and injects pureed human meat directly into Angela's brain. She gets super high. Now, is that how eating works? What you eat goes to your brain. You can inject the food right into your brain. So, if you're dying and you don't have enough time to chew and digest the food,
Starting point is 00:18:18 you just stick that hot dog in your ear. Yeah, I was actually into the brain. I was watching an interview was watching a an interview with commandan Gianni about how he got so ripped and he said he just bypassed the middleman and injected protein directly. If I'm dying, the cure would have been eating a dog. If that would have saved me from dying, I will, yeah, from now on, I'll save a few seconds by putting it in my ear. Yeah, because the problem is you don't have time for it to get into your bloodstream.
Starting point is 00:18:53 Yeah. Sometimes I'll skip the middleman, and I'll just, sometimes I'll just shove a fish stick up my nose if I don't have time to sit down for a full meal. That's why you look so youthful, all right. Yeah. It's also why I lay its teeth are so pristine because it doesn't waste them on things like eating. Never use them. My nose is often clogged with bread crumbs, you know, fish flakes, but.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Tarder sauce. So, but there's no tartar on your teeth because as we've addressed, you don't put food in them. Save it for my sauce. I tell my dentist. Save it for my sauce. S-I-F-S. Any tartar on there? Just scrape it off. Give it to me. I'll take the home sauce that I put it on the fish fix. So we also, this is around the point when we find out that it's dangerous to overdose on human meat for a zombie. I feel like that would work for that would be the true for a human too Yeah, that's that is true
Starting point is 00:19:49 Back at the zombie hunter hideout Josh realizes that he not only has been shot But now he has died and come back as a zombie The common dot shows up with a new haircut which was very confusing for me for a while because I thought it was a completely new character No, wait, does this mean if anyone who dies comes back as a zombie? Yeah. Okay, so you'd think that society would be more accepting the zombies then if everybody was, it was gonna happen to.
Starting point is 00:20:14 It's like, it's like a world where kids are running around killing adults and the adults are like, I was a kid once too and the kids are like, well that'll never happen to me, I'm a toys or a rescued, I don't want to grow up. But then they do, it's called the kids run. Yeah, never happen to me I'm a toyser us kid I don't want to grow up but then they do it's called the run chief Jeffrey the giraffe
Starting point is 00:20:29 what you're forgetting all you're forgetting is yes these the I assume that the humans are very excited to see their own loved ones back but the other everyone else's loved ones they're taking up the resources that are so like their limited resources for the living and now you've got What resources are they taking up rats and like fake open makeup like I don't well I mean as far as jobs, Ellie and apparently these zombies have jobs. We've seen how how Job jobs can motivate people well, I'm saying we get the dead to do the jobs that living don't want to do. Like, I guess, what's a job you guys don't want to do?
Starting point is 00:21:10 Like picking up after other people's dogs? I kind of like that. Well, maybe they don't do that. The same that job for you still. I've talked about this before, but I have this like longstanding dream of publishing a coffee table book. It's just photos of dogs faces while they're pooping.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Because there's something so like pure and innocent, but also like kind of concerned on their face. Like, I hope nobody pushes me over. Trust me. I see a look on my younger son's face all the time as he's going, la la la la. And then he's doing he just suddenly stops and stairs at you until the poop is out.
Starting point is 00:21:48 Yeah, you're gonna sneak that into your next Netflix special, right? Your Dana Carvey style special about raising children? Sneak it into, it's the centerpiece of the special. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's called Elliot Kalen. Yeah, I have kids too, let me tell you all about him. You're not interested where you're gonna hear about it anyway. Ha, ha, ha.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Right what you know. So, uh, that's like, so, my, uh, my recent political comedy special, Elliot Kaylen. How about this president, huh? What a piece of work he is. I don't like him. Maybe you do, but I think you're wrong. That's the title.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Yeah, I mean, I think, uh, are they gonna turn it, uh, turn it into an acronym? Dan, what would be the acronym for that one? Uh, uh, um, yeah, I mean, I think are they gonna turn it turn into an acronym Dan load be the acronym for that one Yeah, I don't remember the letters, but I do think this now some people may think but now there's also there's also my My special about how swinging prolongs your existence that's with my it's called Kaelin Keep alive love a neighbor Okay, well that one less of the other ones but you're on gamely uh... title naming scheme i i realized that's to optimize your s e o
Starting point is 00:22:52 i mean i guess i think i'm sure i'm not a my uh... search engine optimization uh... title that one means that it's it's explained for people if they're writing a question and that Google This is the first thing that's gonna come up. Oh, I thought SEO was the silly Elliott organization Which is my company? Yes, that makes all these stand-up specials. Yeah I would think that you would improve your SEO the most if all your If all your specials had a hashtag before it like hashtag triggered or
Starting point is 00:23:24 Something like that. Probably. That's the only way I can think of. Is that what that band is called? Why it's called that SEO Speedwagon? Mm-hmm. Yep. You know, the company that they worked with has the top Speedwagon results of all Speedwagons.
Starting point is 00:23:39 Now, Speedwagon would just be a wagon, right? Like the wagon's supposed to go fast, right? Well, what wagon? Like a red rider or a... I gotta assume so. Yeah, one of those radio flyer wagons, yeah. Yeah. I mean, the speed wagons also the name of one of the Joe Star family side kicks, one of their allies
Starting point is 00:24:00 in the Joe Joe's Bizarre Adventure series, but, you know. Makes sense. It's also the third in the Speed Thrillogy. There's Speed, Speed 2 Cruise Control, and then Speedwagon. Where they're like, if this wagon doesn't go faster than 40 miles an hour, you're toast. And they're like, no wagon can go that fast. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:24:17 Well, that was just the first title for Back the Future Part 3. Projected screenplay was about a speed wagon. So now we're in the home stretch guys. Josh and the Comma.Hatch a sneaky plan to get revenge on the zombie cult. This somehow involves the, and I got kind of confused. I watched this part a couple of times and I still couldn't quite figure it out. The Comma.Strips down to her underwear and plays dead.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Makes sense. And then when the zombies go to cut her head open, she attacks them and she like wipes out the majority of the zombie cult, but in the process, she gets her guts ripped out. Seems like a wash. That seems like a very good victory. While she's doing that, she has like, she has Josh trying sneak in through the back door, but he spends most of the time fighting zombies on the front porch. Like, if you're in like a role-playing game and you fuck up early on, you just blow all your like one shot abilities in the first room.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Yeah. It's pretty funny. And then, meanwhile, this is going on, Angelou used the distraction distraction to get the knife fight with good mother solstice. I don't quite know why. I think it's because she got human meat injected into her brain. Good news. Over the course, the fight mainly involves hitting each other with books or using a knife to like slash each other's clothes off.
Starting point is 00:25:40 And then the fights over when good mother solstice gets a lethal overdose of human meat internet and her head explodes and We get a couple of reaction shots of our hair when saying what? It's pretty great. So that's like a catch phrase. That's like a cool action hero catch phrase. I mean it that I'm assuming that was that was included Just so they get sneak in the trailer. So Angel and Josh have a bloody confrontation where Josh gets, yeah, at this, so she gets in a fight with Josh, you know, like couples do sometimes, except they're both zombies at this point. So she uses a knife and stabs him in the balls and
Starting point is 00:26:21 then pulls out one of his balls and stabs it into his head. And then she said they missed a trick there because they should pull the one ball out and then stab it into his other ball, pull that ball off and then in the head. Like a three-out of Marchini. Okay, interesting. That's Dan's fatality in the next mortal combat game. I I'm sure you guys I don't know if you guys have seen the trailer but in the new mortal combat game They included Robocop and one in the fatality they show he does in fact shoot Baraka in the dick
Starting point is 00:26:59 Your life Fucking adventures and Fennity War here Your life's colliding. It's like a fucking adventures infinity war here. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, what would happen if Robocop ran into, you know, Robocop, the gem of OCP's police department program? If he weren't to run into the Tar Carton General of outworld. What would he do? And of course it is shoot him in the deck. I think it feels like the what if is more?
Starting point is 00:27:28 What if the video game manufacturers misunderstood the point of Robocob? You don't know, you know, Banka maybe committed crimes, you don't know. I just think more than it's not Robocob is not just a straightforward story about a robot cop shooting criminals in the dick Oh, wow, yeah, I guess you're right. I guess it I guess it takes some twists and turns You know, it's not all the same Robocop you shouldn't assume that a block of stick is located the way where you know other people's Dicks are I mean it would would just be like completely different franchise. Yeah. It's a street fighter character too. That's the other thing. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:10 I do you think it was intentional that RoboCop shoots that one guy in the dick and then he also shoots a guy named Dick later in the movie. Yeah. That's because it's a brilliant movie. It's like it's like a tapestry. Yeah. It's one of the few perfect movies. It's exactly like Carol King a tapestry yes it's one of the few perfect movies exactly like carol kings tapestry so to wrap up a less than perfect movie uh... so angel i'm anxious to escape the house the common dot blows off josh's head and then she blows off her own head and then in the final scene angel in the bathroom
Starting point is 00:28:40 sees herself her zombie face she picks up the look alive Disguise makeup and she throws it in the trash and that is the end of the movie So that was zombies anonymous I wasted your time with it and I also wasted my own time with it So what do you think guys? Well, that's a you probably have some you probably have some questions for me before you decide whether you're glad you missed it. Sad we missed it or had to not miss it. Well, okay Stuart were you moved by Angela's ultimate acceptance of her zombie life? I mean it just didn't quite make sense up until that point because because I mean, I just watched a bunch of people stab each other
Starting point is 00:29:27 and hit each other with books for no real reason. So the idea of her accepting herself, that didn't seem like, I mean, I didn't really see the apotheosis of her journey. You're saying the character arc was not earned? What if she just threw it away, because she's like, this stuff doesn't work. What a waste of money. Or is it an extra zombie then actually is a good point
Starting point is 00:29:48 Maybe maybe it was just a you know harsh critique of the product maybe this is more like a 60-minute style consumer reports Thing about you know an expose of how look alive does not in fact make you look alive Huh do 60 minutes still do those Yeah uh... to sixty minutes to do those uh... yet and they still do those sixty minutes ninety minute long zombie movies debunkings the best part
Starting point is 00:30:15 and it really come out of the end and complain about the movie just watched uh... i think i would like to watch i would like to i would like to watch, I would like to, I would like to watch movies with Andy Rooney. Well, we all would unfortunately he's passed on to the great zombie land in the sky. Yeah. What do you think? Do you think Andy Rooney would have really liked zombie land to double-tick? I think it would go a little something like this. When I sat down to watch the new Zombie Land film, the next in the Zombie Land franchise,
Starting point is 00:30:51 I had to ask myself, how big is Zombie Land? Isn't it more of a zombie continent to have two full adventures on it? Now the subtitle Double Tap implies you'll be seeing tap dancing. I don't know what else it would be responding to or referring to. And yet at no point, do Woody Harrelson or Jesse Eisenberg, the stars of the zombie land franchise, ever strap on some tap shoes and let the music take them where it may. You know, if I'm going to watch zombies tap, I'll go back to the graveyard where Fred Astaire puts on shows nightly until his legs fall off for 60 minutes I'm in really. Well, starting out like how Annie would probably do it then it got a little dry in the
Starting point is 00:31:35 middle and then though it went to I've never heard and it would bring that up before. If I saw Fred's there tap dancing in a graveyard I would be telling everybody. Yeah, yeah, well I mean it's ironic because well let's look at his review of the original zombie land. Hi, it's me Andy Rooney with real R-E-E-L Rooney. My movie review column on television. Today I saw a zombie land. Well, I saw most of zombie land.
Starting point is 00:32:06 Around two-thirds of the way through I really had to pee. And so I tried to hold it in as best as I could, but at a certain point you have to put your own health over the movie that you're seeing. So I guess I'll be reviewing the first two thirds and then the bathroom at the Hollywood arc light cinemas. Zombie land has an interesting first two thirds, a kind of modern, ironic take on the zombie movie. It's very meta, and yet it lacks a conclusion that I felt like I could really believe in. In fact, two thirds the way through, there's no sense of the movie coming to an end yet. My time in the bathroom, however, was a sheer delight. Clean, comfortable. The
Starting point is 00:32:45 lighting was bright enough to see my penis so I could hold it in my hands, but not so bright that I was aware of all the signs of aging that have become more and more in accumulation on my body parts. I decided to stroll around the hallways of a theater afterwards, looking at the posters of the movies that were coming out soon. A few were I were interested in, others not so much. And some, I just think I'm gonna miss entirely. By the time I was done with my strangulations, the film was over. So I give the two thirds that I saw
Starting point is 00:33:17 of Zombieland in incomplete, and I give the bathrooms an A plus plus. For 60 minutes, this has been Andy in the aisles. That's right. I change the name of the segment while I was doing it. Oh, I'm glad that he put that on his main feed and he didn't put it behind a paywall. Oh, no, that's the things people of the paywall content. Stuart, do you ever get help reviews that that like Cantor Lance because the light is right enough to see their dick is that a common review thing that I mean to be honest I Got multiple compliments at the lighting in the bathrooms
Starting point is 00:33:55 I think it's usually so that people can take selfies and not so that they can see their genitals Well, I'm sure there's a style of selfie that you're not saying probably so I guess you're right Yeah, now my my guess is that it tells it says more about the kinds of public restrooms and Aruny finds himself in regularly They felt the comments on the visibility of or his failing eyes That's so that's it maybe blindingly bright in there for someone who's not an elderly man I don't know anyway rest in So I got some bad news, guys. You have gone over a lot of the time to ask me questions
Starting point is 00:34:28 about the movie, so we're gonna have to skip right to final judgments. Are you glad we missed it? Sad we missed it or had to not miss it? I think Stuart, I think you did a great job of communicating to us why, as far as I'm concerned, I am glad I missed it and I feel bad that you did not miss it. So that's the new rating is feel bad Stewart unmisted.
Starting point is 00:34:51 Yeah, I think that there was a palpable sense of disdain rating off of radiating off of you Stewart both into the video and just the things you were saying. So I'm gonna say I'm glad I missed it. Okay, well, you at home can miss it, not miss it, do whatever you like. You're a human being, you have autonomy. So yeah, that's been missed that movie. I think we've all agreed that it's a glad we missed it. We got something fun coming up though, right, Elliot?
Starting point is 00:35:26 That's right. Hey, if you're listening to this, that means there's still time that while unless you're listening to this very late. Anyway, the point is on Saturday, June 6th, we're gonna be doing one of those flop-pass live shows we do in towns and cities across America,
Starting point is 00:35:39 but we're gonna be doing it from our homes to your home. That's right, Saturday, June 6th, at 9 PM Eastern time, 6 PM Pacific, you do the math on where that is central and mountain time. I don't know. We're going to be doing a classic flop house live show over our YouTube channel. We're going to be doing presentations. We're going to be talking about how we're the duck.
Starting point is 00:35:58 We may try to figure out some way to interact with the audience we don't know. Anyway, if you go to youtube.com slash c slash the flop house podcast, that's youtube.com slash the letter c slash the flop house podcast, you'll find it there. If you don't see it when you go there, just refresh the page at 9 PM Eastern 6 PM Pacific and it will come out. Or if you need the information again, go to the flop house podcast.com. Again, we're going to be watching how are the duck and we're going to do it all for charity. We're going to be trying to bring awareness to theflophousepodcast.com. Again, we're gonna be watching Howard the Duck and we're gonna do it all for charity.
Starting point is 00:36:25 We're going to be trying to bring awareness to the problem of hunger that's being faced by many people in this country, increasingly more so because of what's going on. And we're going to be doing that by talking about Howard the Duck and its amazing laser effects and hit song about Howard the Duck, the eponymous duck who is the Howard of the title.
Starting point is 00:36:45 Again, that Saturday, June 6th, 9 PM Easter, 6 PM Pacific at the YouTube Flop has channel. So go to theflophaspodcast.com for that information in case you weren't writing it down as I was saying it. Yeah, well that's great. That's gonna be a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to it. It's gonna be real fun.
Starting point is 00:37:02 We're gonna have new presentations, right guys. Yeah, and are there gonna be like loosely quarantine themed? Is that the theme we're working on? I think the theme we're working on is stuff we wanna do. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Now, if it's on our minds right now.
Starting point is 00:37:17 I'm sure the flavor of the world will slip in no matter what the topic. Guys, I am genuinely excited about seeing how the duck again, it's only because my memories of some parts of it from when I saw as a kid are so vivid and other, but I don't remember what the connective tissue is. I just remember how good those laser special effects are. There's some solid laser effects.
Starting point is 00:37:36 You know, I mean, at the end with like the laser lightning around the monster. I do not remember when it happens. I just remember as a kid being like, oh, those are ghostbusters level lasers. Yeah, I like them. Alright, well guys, thanks for listening. This has been fun. I'm glad we missed it. I've been damn cool. Oh, I've been steward Wellington and I'm Elliott Kaelin or am I Andy Rooney? No, that'd be crazy, Emily K. Bye.
Starting point is 00:38:15 Judge John Hodgman won a webby in the comedy podcast category. After 10 years of production, Judge John Hodgman has finally won the Susan Lutci of the webbies. What is Judge John Hodgman? Comedy writer and television personality John Hodgman settles disputes between friends, family, co-workers, partners, and more. Is Machine Gunner Robot? Should a grown adult tell his parents about his tattoos?
Starting point is 00:38:37 Should a family be compelled to wear matching outfits on vacation? Listen to Judge John Hodgman to find out the answers to these age-old disputes and more. If you haven't listened to Judge John Hodgman, now is a great time to start. Judge John Hodgman is available on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts. MaximumFun.org Comedy and Culture Artistone? Audience supported. Maximumfun.org
Starting point is 00:39:07 Comedy and Culture Artistone, audience supported

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.