The Flop House - FH Mini - Holiday Hallmarking, with Amber Nash

Episode Date: December 13, 2025

We welcome Amber "Voice of Pam on Archer" Nash to the show for a little quiz about this year's slate of Hallmark holiday films, and what we think their plots might be. Check out Amber's podcast, RePhrasing: An Archer Rewatch Podcast, right on our own network, Maximum Fun!Tickets for Flop TV Season 3 are ON SALE! Also, we’ll be back at San Francisco Sketchfest on January 25! Get tickets now! We’ll be discussing legendary flop THE MASTER OF DISGUISE!Subscribe to our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets! It’s got fun stuff in it!

Hey listeners, just a few quick words up the top to remind you that flop TV is going on right now. It's the first Saturday of every month if you want to watch it live and chat with other listeners in the chat, viewers in the chat, send us some messages to be answered, perhaps, at the end of the show. We've been having a lot of fun going through famous bad movies of the decades. All of that will be available video on demand, as well. for ticket holders up through the end of the flop TV season. You can get a season pass and watch all of them. You can binge them during the holidays. It's a lot of fun.

So if you're interested, go to theflophouse.com and check out our extra flop streams. Hey, everyone, and welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. My name continues to be Elliot Kalin. I've been thinking about changing it, but I think I'm going to keep it the way it is. Since I have a new book out, joke farming, how to write comedy other nonsense? No, I change my name.

People won't know that I wrote it. Anyway, continue, Dan. What are we doing today? Well, first, allow me to welcome our guest, Amber Nash. Say hello. Hi, thanks for having me. You may know Amber as Pam from Archer, and she is now doing a Archer rewatch podcast. for maximum fun.

Tell everyone. Refraising. Yes, what it's called. Refraising an Archer rewatch podcast, which is when I was naming a podcast, guys, I was like, let me get a real bunch of words that are hard to say. Archer fans know the importance of phrasing, though. Frasing is very important.

I'm very excited to have you here today. I'm a big Archer fan, and I think him is such a hilarious character. Thank you. She is the best character that I realized working on the show that by season three, I was like, man, I got lucky with this one. I got a really good character. This character who gets to say the worst things all the time and is somehow still lovable, even though doing terrible things all the time.

Yes, definitely, yeah, total breakout character, very lovable and just wild as well. Yeah. But also, Amber, you mentioned that you were doing a show in Atlanta, you said? Is that correct? A Hallmark Christmas Romance-based improv show? Yes. So I work at a theater called Dad's Garage that I've been at since like 97. So I've been there a long time. And it's an improv theater, but we also do scripted work. And through my Atlanta connections and being a theater person in Atlanta, I met a wonderful playwright named Tofer Payne, who eventually went on to write Hallmark movies for a living. So he's written, I think, eight Hallmark movies, right? And so one year, I think it was like 2016, 27, I was like, I should be doing a Hallmark Christmas movie improv show with Tofer,

who's a real writer of Hallmark movies. He's not a traditional improviser, but he's so good at it. So he's our narrator, and he writes the screenplay as my husband and I are the main players. We have other people that switch in and out with us. But we play all the characters in the Hallmark universe as he writes the story. And it is, it's nuts. It's really fun. People love it.

People came last year from, like, Denver to see it. Wow. It's like a Christmas tradition for people now. It's really wonderful. It's called YOLMAR. I feel like going from Denver to Atlanta is, like, negative, like opposite Christmas. I know, right? Totally.

Well, I thought because of this, I was going to put all of you through a little game based on Hallmark Christmas. Games Master McCoy is out again. Damn, Dan, Dan, Boy, Dungeon Master. Yeah. It may be unfair because you're close with... I'm going to ask you to name things I'm thinking of that you don't know what they are. What have I got in my pockets?

Let's see. Gumballs? Yeah. No, I... No, let's name what we think Dan has in his pockets for a moment. Gumballs, probably a slingshot sticking out of the back pocket. Some old keys that don't go to anything anymore because nobody has keys. Yeah, yeah.

His favorite Bazooka Joe comics. Oh. Yeah, and like an old popsicle stick. Dan, I don't know you. I'm just guessing. So accurate. Jacks are a thing, right? Yeah.

So Cracker Jacks, he's from, are you from the 1940s? So I'm a mid-century child. Yeah, I don't understand. Pemacon? Pemacon. Yeah, he's got Pemmican on here. Yeah, because he's a 19th century child now. Yeah.

Sorry, I was stumbling a little bit because I realized, oh, there's some copy. I need to. Well, yeah, that's probably. most of it. No, I was going to say Amber may have an unfair advantage knowing an actual writer of these actual movies. Perhaps she knows some of these

ahead of time. Who knows? But I'm going to share my screen where I've put together a slideshow. Make sure to close all the fucked up shit all the fucked up windows he has. Yeah, just crazy stuff. Sharing is not turned on. I want to mention, we recently did some

live shows in Chicago and I'm going to allow you to to share. So we at a live show in Chicago and Stuart has a bit that involves at one point showing what's supposed to be a screen from his computer

and there's tabs that are open with like porn things in the background and I think nobody ever catches that joke and every time I see it I'm like that's hilarious I love that it's most funny that I don't think anyone realizes

that it's a joke or sees it yeah but the attention to detail Stuart or they just feel ashamed. Yeah it's yeah people are like is that does that tab say what is hentai? Should I go up and tell them after the show? Maybe cool, or?

So I'm going to share a slideshow of posters for six Hallmark movies that have been featured especially this season. Featured in what way? Well, on the Hallmark site, they are in the featured section. So clearly Hallmark is like... I don't know if the government was sending out brochures or pamphlets. These are the ones that you got to pay attention to. So off of these posters, which I will ask at least one of you to describe, I want you to guess what the plot of the movie is,

and then I will explain the plot and see how close you got. And then once we know the truth of it, I will ask you, did that make you intrigued by this particular hallmark offering? I hope that's clear. What is the dangerous game we're playing? Oops. Ellie, could you describe what we have here for this first poster? So this one, this one, it, you picked me because this combines things I love, Christmas

and professional sports. And it says, holiday touchdown, a Bill's love story. And something at the time says it's an all-new countdown to Christmas original movie. So it's multiple branded, both the Hallmark branding and also the Buffalo Bills. and you see two people, it's a man and a woman, the woman has kind of a puckish look on her face as she looks at the camera and she's got her hand on the leg of the man

who's looking at her. He has eyes only for her. He doesn't even know he's in a picture. He just looks at her. And they're sitting on the uprights or whatever it's called the goal thingy. Oh, I didn't even notice that. They must be very high.

They're sitting up on the top of the extra point field kick thing in a football field. My brother is yelling at the thing right now but I don't know the name of this. And it's clearly Buffalo Bills branded. So they are at the Bills Stadium. It's snowing out. It's cold.

They have risked their lives in the cold to climb to the top of this thing. And there's Christmas lights strewn on it. So my guess is that like this is a couple who fell in love at the Buffalo Bills Stadium. And they're now celebrating their Christmas there on top of it. So that's what it is. Holiday Touchdown, a Bill's love story. And these are either professionals, one's a Bills player and one's a cheerleader maybe and the other. Or they're huge Bills fans.

fans, and they have snuck into this stadium, because there's no one in the stands. And the title features three different fonts, which I love. Yes. It's true, holiday, touchdown, and a bill's love story, all in different fonts. But they're in an abandoned stadium, snow on the field. Nobody has cleared it away so that they can climb up somehow to the top of this field goal post and sit there, just loving each other and with Christmas lights around them, you know. Yeah, do you want to take a stab, Amber or Stu, at this, the plot of this thing?

Ellie, it's sort of, you know, postulated a few things. I just want to point out that somehow she's wearing some very nice satin pants that are also like Bill's themed, which is like, where would you get these as a fan? She must have made them at home. Yeah. Those must be so cold to sit on a cold metal field post when it's snowing out. In satin pants. Maybe they're fleece lined. Yeah.

Okay. So I'm going to guess that the plot of this is that. Her dad, before he passed away, because there's always one dead parent for every character, a main character in a Hallmark movie. Her dad, before he passed away, owned the team. Oh. And she always comes to this Christmas game that happens. And she met this young new coach on the coaching staff that's causing a bunch of ripples throughout the organization. because he's got crazy ideas,

but she realizes those ideas are a lot like her former dad's ideas. And they fell in love because of it. And now it's Christmas and football. When you say crazy ideas, I imagine the coach's like, why don't we use a basketball instead of the football? Exactly.

Why don't we play on our knees? Let's all run around on our knees like Dorf. Why don't we do that? I have to assume that on their first date, maybe it wasn't intentionally a date, Maybe it was just a random dinner that they went to. They go to local, regional restaurant, Buffalo Wild Wings. They get some of their chicken wings dipped in wild sauces. Yeah, it sounds pretty good.

You know, I feel like Amper came close to some of the elements here. So this is the longest synopsis. Don't worry, they won't all be this long. I did cut it down, but I think that because this is the earliest, airing of the things that there's a more complete plot snops that's available. So here we go.

The Quins and DeLukas have been neighbors for decades in the shadow of Highmark Stadium. As members of the Buffalo Bills Mafia, the two families share cherished traditions around cheering their favorite team. What team would that be? I think it's the Bills.

Pediatric Dr. Morgan Quinn and the Bills VP of Stadium development Gabe DeLuca are close friends. But Gabe has always carried it torch for her. Morgan learns from Uncle Tommy, Joe Pantleano. Who I'll remind everyone I once stayed in his Airbnb during a vacation in Los Angeles. Oh, really?

In that Long Island, yeah. Now, does this Uncle Tommy have a cabin? Yeah, yeah. He inadvertently inspired the war. That someone anonymously helped her family get by when he was drafted 60 years ago. And she decides to find his benefactor and give her uncle a Christmas he'll always remember. As Morgan and Gabe worked together to unwrap the Gifter's identity, Gabe's love deepens, and she sees him in a new light.

Oh, what new light? Like, he's really a murderer? Yeah, she begins to suspect. He's a murderer. It gets very nervous. Oh, I see. So does that, now that you know the truth of this, does that plot synopsis make you want to see it more or less than the poster

alone. I think the poster made me more excited because I was like, how do they get up there? And how are they going to get down? Yeah, how are they going to get down? I found the synopsis more confusing than I thought it would be. It is quite confusing.

And you know, speaking of how do they get down, one of the other things that we use all the time at our show that Tofer told us about is the two leads almost always when they first meet each other in the film run into each other accidentally. So maybe he falls off and then she falls on top of him.

and then they kiss as it says. Yeah, and they kiss for the first time. That's such a funny, that's such a chaste hallmark way to bring physical contact into the idea of these characters. That's all you'll see, too. No, yeah, I've, I have friends who own a Buffalo Bills, I guess, themed or aligned bar here in Brooklyn. And I feel like I would try and get them to show this on maybe a special, well, I'm like a non-game day night. Well, they should show it either on Christmas or Valentine's Day. Yeah, both.

Or both. Why not every day? Why not? Keep Christmas with you all through the year. Ellie, you mentioned that this is a more convoluted plot than you expected. I do think that, you know, there have been so many of these movies and not just Hallmark movies these days. Like every streamer wants to get into this zone, it seems like, that they have to milk the cow to the last drop. They have to find every possible.

thing that could be a Christmas romance. Any permutation of Christmas romance. I mean, when you've got to the Buffalo Bills level of Christmas romance and you're using it up, there's not much left, I feel like. Are you guys aware of the Hallmark Christmas movie Bingo game?

No. There's tons of them online. If you just Google Hallmark Christmas bingo, you'll get homemade, people have made many versions of this where it's like you get a bingo card and whenever something happens that happens in every Hallmark movie, you can mark off that space like they have cocoa at an outdoor market or they go ice skating or they cut down a

Christmas tree. So there's always, it's great. And then it can also be a drinking game. So I highly recommend it if you ever are going to watch a Hallmark movie. Yeah. It was a sad time to remember, but one of my favorite tropes of some of these is like during COVID, how obvious it was that there were just like two people in so many scenes. It's like, oh, a non-bustling small time at Christmas.

Okay, here's the next one. Stuart, do you want to take a crack at describing this poster? Yeah, it's two people who very much don't look like they're in the same room. Feels very much like they're photoshop together. You have a guy who's like got one of those like kind of beards that's not really a full beard, but it's like five o'clock shadow. Stubble we call it. Yeah, stub one.

But like, and he's got like a little bit of a smirk. Like he knows something you don't know. And his eyes, I think he's going for kind. but they're not quite there, and he's got like a little checkered shirt underneath a sweater. This is going to sound derogatory. He's giving me big,

most handsome of the Nazis that are coming to burn down your village vibes. Oh, yeah, he's got a little bit... There's a little bit of gray in there, so you know he's seen some stuff. And he is standing kind of in the background and in the foreground, looking over her shoulder,

is a blonde woman with very contoured cheekbones. And she also has a look like Like we saw you across the bar And we like your style Her eyebrows are raised a little bit Middle part Hair wrapped kind of around her neck Because she is like looking over her shoulder

But it does almost look like it's choking her And framing her face And she's wearing a red sweater He's wearing a green sweater So you know it's Christmas time And then also in the foreground Are some Christmas ball Like ornaments

Yeah, ornaments. Yeah, spheres. It's like all spheres. Yeah, yeah. Because you think they're like phantasm Christmas ornaments. Yes, and in the background, there's Christmas lights. And then the title reads,

Melt my heart this Christmas. And I want to mention, it also is very clear that the Christmas tree in the background, which is blurred, and the Christmas ornaments in the foreground, which are also blurred, are not real. Like, they're clearly graphic elements, you know. Okay.

I feel like they're all graphic elements here, Elliot. Yeah, even the people, yeah. And melt my heart this Christmas. there's a little bit of a flourish between the S&T of a little heart in the middle, which I think is... I gave you the simplest poster to explain. You really made a meal of it.

I mean, I could see it, even though I'm looking at it. I could see it in my mind. I just like to add that. I think his beard's more like a George Michael style. Like, it's been shaded in, probably, by a makeup artist. Yeah, so would you like to take a crack at guessing what melt my heart this Christmas? I mean,

I know that this is a very undescriptive poster, but knowing the plot, there are elements. These were not the two leads who fall in love. There's nothing in the picture that helps you at all.

This is like an old-timey horror or fantasy like painted Boris Valetio poster. Okay. I think I have an idea. Okay. Okay. Yeah. I think she to me looks like,

looks a bit sinister. It might be those cheekbones and the eyebrows, the very dark eyebrows to her. blonde hair. And very severely groomed. Those are very sharp outlines on those eyebrows. Yeah. So I think that she is

she's a chocolatier that has inherited her family business but is reluctant. She doesn't want to have to do it, but she's doing it anyway because it's Christmas time and there's a bunch of orders and she can't ruin Christmas by people not

getting their chocolate orders. And he is like a small town like chocolate store owner and her family company is doing their best to squash his tiny family company and even though she's bad he can't help by somehow falling in love with her and then his love like the chocolate melts her heart and in the end they end up together that's pretty good yeah i'm definitely i'm definitely i'm definitely getting executive who needs to learn how to love and have joy

vibes from her, yeah. Okay, Stu, you want to toss in any thoughts before I... Yeah, I mean, I don't, like, yeah, it's, I don't know, I'm not getting super small town from him, but it's really tough because it's like so, everything is so crisp and, like, clean and, like, glossy. Yeah, yeah, this one's a tough one.

As I said, there are a couple of elements in here that do point in the direction of what this is about. So here we go. Melt my heart this Christmas. A spirited glassblower lands a last-minute gig assisting her artistic idol at a famed Christmas market. But as sparks fly with the uptight event manager standing between her and her dreams,

she discovers that sometimes love is the most unexpected masterpiece of all. And the woman with the contour... That's why it's melt. Oh, okay. I'd like to point out that this is Laura Vandervert, Smallville Supergirl. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Melt my heart this Christmas is better than put my heart in a glory hole this Christmas, which is what they were coming home. Only a little. I mean, one's more descriptive. One's getting Dan to watch. I'm not telling you which one it is. So wait, which one's the glass blower? The lady, I believe, is the glass blower.

And he's the event manager? Yes, yes. He's the crusty event manager. The looks they have promises that they might be blowing more than glass this Christmas. Oh, okay. Now we're getting. You think there's like a steamy hot, like where she's sweating and she's got the glass thing and she's blowing it. Yeah.

Yeah, probably. That's the one thing I know about Hallmark movies. It's how steamy they get. So what do you say? Does this plot intrigue you? does intrigue you at least more than the poster which is just two faces It would be intrigued less by the poster

Yeah I'd watch this while I was wrapping gifts But only then Not with my full attention How much footage of glass blowing is there in it Dan? That's actually a really good question 45 minutes straight I'd love to see glass blowers at work

Perfecting their craft You know Yeah Okay well let's move on to this next Now I don't want to put you to work, Amber, but if you want to describe this, you can take this one. I don't see how you wouldn't want to.

You guys have set the bar high for descriptive words. But, okay, so there are, there's a man and a woman, and they are in Dr. Coates. She is wearing a stethoscope. It's in her ears, but he's holding it to his heart. Very cute. He's smiling at her. She's looking at the camera. They are both sitting on a gurney, it appears.

Um, so they must be doctors. Um, behind them in this, uh, hospital room is a full, uh, six foot tall Christmas tree that is decorated. Um, so I'm guessing they probably work at a children's hospital because that kind of shit wouldn't fly at an adult hospital. Um, they are very, uh, they look very professional. They look very happy. They don't look as stressed and tired as most doctors that work in hospitals look. Um, um, they're very, um, And it is called the more, the merrier. And on top of the eye, I'm just now realizing, is a pacifier? Mm-hmm. So that they must be, they must be OBG-Y-N. Ravers? What was the, what did you say? They're ravers.

Yeah, I know rave. The pacifier looks a lot like the prince symbol. When Prince was formerly known as Prince. Yeah. Or it could be a bunch of work. That's a sharp eye. That's a, yeah. She definitely looks like she's listening to a podcast.

Oh, or me. Maybe he's pregnant, and that's why he's got the stethoscope against his chest. It could be a junior situation. Yeah, he has a heart baby. Oh, okay. Yeah, so there must be something with... That's what we call xenomorphs in my house. There must be some kind of pregnancy going on here, I'm guessing.

Maybe she's pregnant with, you know, sex tuplets. That is more. This is my guess. Can I guess what this plot of this movie is about? They are two doctors. They are OBG. they are married doctors but they've kind of lost their the thrill of life they work together and they're at home together all the time and they've never had children of their own and so and

that's that's a point of friction and stress but one day a woman comes in who is in labor the hospital is full there's no room for this woman at the hospital and she brought all these people with her there's all these guys who are just hanging around with her and also a camel probably and they have to and so they have to go out into the snow to deliver this baby and the next the next day the woman the doctor wakes up pregnant, she does know how it happened. But her dreams have come true, and they rekindles their love for each other. Elliot, I don't work for Hallmark, but I want to

give you a contract to start writing from Hallmark. Thank you. I mean, it seems more overtly religious than they usually go, but it is a very you spin a tail, for sure. Sometimes you get to remember the reason for the season, Dan. That's true. It's not just about

presents. It's also about a group of older men sitting around a woman who is giving birth with animals there. Possibly the worst way to give birth. I don't know. I want to give room. If anyone else has any guesses before I... You don't have to. You don't have to.

Well, I mean, he's not even wearing scrubs, so I don't even know. No, he's wearing like a half-sip sweater. Yeah, he looks like it works in finance. He's got an Apple watch. Like, what's going on? Yeah, I mean, we... In some ways, it goes without saying, but we need to make it clear that in all of these so far, I believe, well, maybe not the first one.

the bill's one but in the last one this one there is a red green uh of course scheme where the one of them is in red one of them is in green so he has to have a half sip yeah the bills one they're not going to do red green because those aren't the bill's colors and not at all and this is a nod of course to canada's great famous legendary comedian red green of course of course uh well let me tell you about the more the merrier in this one alice an emergency room doctor volunteers to work Christmas Eve shifts at a rural hospital. During a snowy Christmas, she and Brian, a top-rated

cardiologist, help deliver three baby booms, sparking a lasting bond. I don't know what it means. Three baby booms? Are you DVD copies of baby booms? Are people sticking DVD copies of baby boom in their vaginas and they have to get them out of their, out of the uterus? What's going on?

Yeah, they have to... Yeah, it's fucking hell right now. It's either that or they have to deliver three full generations. Exploding babies? Oh, they have to deliver millions of babies that's what it is yeah so yeah that was very confusing does it take place in nineteen forty six yeah probably um let's take a little break uh for wait but what's the christmas

oh they're working on christmas but they fall in love right oh there's got to be love there's always love doesn't even yeah it's about saying apparently uh we'll take a little break for some words from our sponsors and we'll be back in just a moment Alden Ford and Mujan's Alfigari. Two of the creators of Mission to Zix, your favorite improvised, obsessively sound design, sci-fi sitcom here on the Max Fun Network. And the news is

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which the FBI does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. I would also like to make a little plug for a book written by my good buddy Elliot Kalin. That's right. Joe Farming on store shelves now. It teaches you all about how to write comedy, how to think about comedy, how to be comedy. Go to your local bookseller and ask for joke.

Farming by Elliot Two Tees, Kaelin. Thank you. It's also the perfect time of year for you to consider a gift for that loved one. And the perfect gift right now, that's right, a season pass to Flop TV. That's our six-month long once a month, first Saturday of every month virtual live show package. We have six of them, as I said, six months, one for each month. And we have two more left in this year. But if you get a season pass, that gives you access to the previously recorded ones as well.

If you just want a single episode, that's wild. Get the season pass. Why not? We have two shows coming up. The next one is January 3rd, I believe. And that is going to be Dr. Doolittle, right? Yep. That's a January episode all right.

That's going to be, wow, that's, oh, time just flies, right? But you know what? It flies us toward Flot TV, Dr. Doolittle. In our collision course with Dr. Doolittle. I mean, that doctor made you little, but we're going to do a lot. to entertain you. This has been such a fun season already, and I'm looking forward to how we wrap it up,

and it's going to be great. So check that out. Go to theflophouse.com. Also, if you can't get enough flophouse, coming up, we are going to be in San Francisco for Sketchfest again. I can't wait. We're doing a show on Sunday,

January 25th, at 4.30 p.m. at Cobb. I believe just 4. 4 o'clock. So don't show up at 4.30. You're going to miss. all of our hilarious presentations. We're going to be at Cobb's Comedy Club, which we have been in the last two years,

and I really love it. I think it's a great venue. I can't wait to get to do some more live shows. We just did some in Chicago, and it had been a while, and it was really great to get to hang out with my buddies and make jokes. So if you get a chance, come out to San Francisco and come see us.

Am I missing anything, guys? I don't think so. Club TV, San Francisco Sketchfest, more shows to come. in the future. All right. The next poster here. Let's have Elliot take a crack at this one again.

This one is the one that, to me, looks most like a cover you would find on a romance novel at a supermarket. Is that Dean Cameron? I don't know. I don't know. I think Dean Cameron's a lot. From ski school and has bigger eyebrows.

I mean, if they went back in time and got young Dean Cameron and put him into this. So the top half, this is the way. way a lot of a lot of novels look nowadays actually there's a the top half is two people facing the camera a man and a woman they both look kind of happy the woman is looks a little happier than the guy the guy seems like he has a little bit of reticence in his eyes like okay i guess we're doing this you know but he's i'm not i'm not super happy about it uh and of course he has stubble they're both good looking and then um then it's the title we met in december which has a lot of flourishes and the eye in

has a little star burst but one of those christmas stars at the at the top of it and there's like um like windy star like you know, glowy pixie dust around the title. Below that is a man playing piano flanked by Christmas trees. The Christmas trees almost look like guards who have been sent to make sure he doesn't leave and continues to play piano. And lying on top of the piano is, I assume, this same woman because she's wearing a red dress much like, and she has the same color hair. And she's sitting on the piano and they're staring lovingly at each other. And it looks like they're in kind of a fancy beauty in the beast style ballroom.

Yeah, it's sort of a fabulous Baker Boys situation going on here. Yeah. Now, are we do assume that these characters are looking at each other, or are they looking at something together? I think they're looking at each other, but they seem to be facing opposite directions, unless they're, like, watching each other's backs because there's spies on a mission, you know? And clearly the title implies that they met in December. Yeah. Oh, wow. Good one, Columbo. So, you know, to quote a movie that involves a snowman, a December.

thing. It's giving you all the clues. Can you put together? It really hasn't given you all the clues. And also they don't say that in the movie. It's just the poster. They don't actually say that in the movie. Yeah. Mr. Police.

Yeah. What's this holiday romance about? Okay. So let's see. So it takes place in January. Wow. And they have already experienced a month of love. We learned that they met in December.

But now things are, they've fallen on harsh times they're both on dry January so they're being real fucking jerks oh so they're realizing they didn't love each other sober they loved each other it was all the nog

and then they go to a on February 1st they go to a piano bar where they tip a little bit extra that lets her sit on top of the piano while he plays and they get shit-faced and they're like you know what

I do love you again So that's what I think happens. Okay. And in order to stay together, they just have to be drunk for the rest of their lives. Yes. No matter how, you know, that obviously is a very, very plausible plot, but do we have any other thoughts? Yeah, Hallmark, I can see doing a plot that where these people have to be alcoholics to stay

in love together. And I mean, it makes sense because they want viewers in January, too. So to have a movie that was set in January comes out after the holidays. Great, great marketing. There's not a lot of January movies out there. They've got the market to themselves, you know, yeah. Wow, Dan, it sounds like I crushed it. Okay.

I mean, there's January Asick Park. There's that movie. Yeah, there's January, starring, uh, January. But that's not really a part of January. Okay. It should be Januarsic Park. You're right. That's true.

I said it wrong. No, the true tale of we met in December, but it's true, I mean, it's fictional. It's close, right? The actual synops is what you're saying. The actual scenario is Annie Lane and Dave Laine. weeks. Okay, I didn't get their names right. Called down. Meet by chance

in a hot... How many people meet? Many people meet that way by chance. I wasn't expecting this. Meet by chance. There's no puppet master pulling the strings. I can assume that they physically bump into each other. Yes. Probably they poppets each other.

Yeah. Meet by chance in a holiday decorated hotel during a layover and have a magical night. They fail to exchange contact information and are But the connection inspires them to embark on separate quests to find each other before Christmas using only the clues they shared. And you can see that this stars Autumn Rieser, who I remember fondly as Taylor Townsend from the OC. So many names I don't recognize. Yeah.

So it's kind of like Dr. Chavago. No. Not at all. Are you intrigued by we met in December? Does this speak to you in any way? I like this idea. It's got some, you know, some mystery elements, which I think are fun. Yeah, I like the idea of them having to, like, parse through what they remember about the other person, like what they mentioned to try to track them down.

There's an element of stalking, which I was like in my romance. That's one of your kinks, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And there's also probably an old kind of magical character that might be Santa Claus that helps them find each other. Yes. There's got to be. Oh, my God, you're right. Yeah, some sort of...

Maybe it's played by an elderly Irish actor or something like that. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I guess we're all going to get together and watch the Metzisever. There's a magical character and it's the most frightening witch you can ever imagine. And she's like, mm, your eyes or your soul. Which shall it be to find your love? I guess I can't lose my soul, my eyes. And it's like, oh, you're so beautiful, but I can't see you because I gave my eyes to find you.

Yeah, and that's a gift of the magi thing. The person that has, like, lots of glasses for them. Oh, Henry and Dean Coons worked together on this one, yeah. I mean, buying glasses and then giving up eyes. That's not fair. No, and buying glasses is not a great gift. That's the thing about the gift of the mantises. They really knew a good gift for the other person, you know.

He's like, I didn't really know your, uh, prescriptions. You know, a weirdly shaped face. These might fit you, maybe. So what, Dan, describe more than the night that they had? You know, steamy. Was it steamy? Okay, Hallmarked steamy, yeah. Mm-hmm.

Okay, we got here. The hotel room was destroyed. Oh. This one, I think I'm going to give this one to Amber as a treat to describe, because this one... This is a treat, indeed. Yeah. It really speaks to my theatrical background. Okay, so there is a couple, a man and a woman.

And I've noticed now that I've seen all these together, the man's always wearing green, the woman's always wearing red. It's never reversed. And he's got on a plaid shirt, which means he's probably a small town guy. She's wearing... And he uses his hands in some way, probably. Yeah, exactly. That's why they're prominent in the poster. He's got his hand on her elbow, and they're face-to-face, touching.

Their whole bodies are touching, like, in an embrace. And they are obviously on the set of a Christmas production. There, in the background, is some fantastical, snowy mountains with cute little warm homes lit up on them. It's dusk in this snowy little town. And then there's a big grand curtain that's on either side of the set, and they're standing in front of it on the boards of the stage. And there's some stars hanging from the ceiling there at the theater. And they're both smiling and looking at the camera and looking very festive.

The snow must go on is what it's called. That's so good. The snow must go on. And the font of snow is like dazzling kind of theater marquee, you know, lights. Very good. Yeah. So this one, I... Yeah, they're definitely...

The boards they're standing on is definitely a stage and not like a bowling alley, right? That's right. That's right. I think for context clues, I'll say a stage, yeah. Yeah, no, you're right, you're right. Yeah, I was just in a wishful thinking. Yeah, for they're probably not on the deck of a whaling ship, you know? No.

Yeah. Oh, but if only... So this one gives, I think, more clues than... a lot of the ones we've dealt with as to what the possible plot might be. I wonder if you have any thoughts. Well, it's theatrical in some way. I think we can pull the curtain back that far, at least.

It looks like his shirt's too small for him. Yeah. Because the sleeves are pulling up. I mean, that's a basic thing. He's just trying to show off his body. His giant hands. It's a little bit small. Maybe he's got really long arms.

Or he is extremely long arms. Yeah, and it's hard for, and they're small town for him to buy. I'm going to. guess, if I can jump in the plot. So, like, I think you're right, Amber. He's wearing a plaid shirt and he's clearly got muscles. So this is a guy who works with his hands.

Maybe he's a carpenter. Maybe he's an ice sculptor. Maybe he is like a, like, maybe just works at a factory where they make heavy things, you know. He's got a real dog dad energy. Oh, yeah. And I think he's going to get pulled into a community theater production of a kind of Christmas show. And she, I think, is probably either the director or the playwright or the,

star, director, playwright, triple threat, but really it's a quadruple threat because she's going to threaten him with love. And I think they're going to, that he doesn't want to be a part of this show. And she's like, no, I'm going to make you my Joseph of Arimathea or whatever in this production, you know, where you're going to be my Ebenezer Scrooge and they fall in love through the rehearsals. And there's going to be some kind of problem that the show isn't going to go on, but then it does go on. That's my guess. I know what it is, Elliot. This is so perfect. So the problem is, is that the snow rig that gets triggered at the end of the show is broken. But he is an ice sculptor.

So he comes in and Edward Scissorhan's style as he is sculpting a statue of her for opening night, the ice chips make it snow in the production at the end of opening night. And there's got to be a shot of her looking up at him doing that and the snow is falling on her face. And you can't tell if it's that the snow is melting on her cheeks where there's tears because she's sort of love.

Robert Blake, yeah. So good. I can't wait to see this movie if that's what it's about. Well, this one's interesting because most of these movies, you know, tend to center the woman as the main character. Yeah, because she needs to learn the lesson of love from a good man. That's, I mean, that's just, it's proper life. What else are we here for? It's the story of Christmas, right?

But this one seems to be more centered on him, actually. The story is Isaiah Hayward returns to Broadway after a decade but faces challenges in finding a director. He saves a Christmas musical. I don't know how he says it. They just say he saves it. And discovers love, family, and friendship as the greatest holiday gifts. He reunites with his family and friends. And I'm realizing that I did this all wrong.

I should be talking about whether I would rather see your movie or the movie that's been described. Yeah, well, we're almost talking about the episode. Time to figure out how to do the show. Because I definitely would prefer to see the version that you pitched me. It barely mentions the woman in your description. I know. She's not in there. She's not even in there.

He does not strike. Now, I can kind of see it now. Maybe she's a ghost. Yeah, that would be great. I think they misled us with the backdrop in this one is so not Broadway caliber. It's not bad, you know, but it's not, the idea that this is a Broadway show is, is, they're full of themselves. He couldn't cut it on Broadway for some reason. So he got, you know, he's.

Usually it's acting ability. So he's out in the sticks. He's at like a regional theater or something like that? I believe that that's probably what's going on. And he's like, oh, so it's like a. Doc Hollywood. Oh, I'm supposed to be in the big city doing big city things. And they're like, well, this small town has its charms.

You know, oh, I'm realizing it's not fame that's important. It's love and Christmas magic. Yeah, yeah. That's the lesson at every Hallmark movie. And they do a production of Our Town. And he plays the young guy. And when he collapses crying at the grave of his wife who died young, he's really crying because he realized he's discovered what's true.

Yeah, I've never seen Our Town. It's a great play. It's a few a couple times. the traditional Christmas hour town that they always all right okay when they do the traditional Christmas production of Sweeney Todd

and he's he's crying at the end you know because he's I mean there's a lot of red in that it's true not a lot of green one last Hallmark movie Stewart can you describe this poster

yeah we have this really cool thruple in the foreground yeah so we have yeah we have three characters a two women and a man looks like the man's eyes are closed and he's kind of in the background, right? Did I describe that right?

No, no, that's right. I'd just like to note that the two women get the red and green here, which is interesting. Yeah, yeah, but the man is also in red. I think he's looking at the middle woman, but his eyes are so, like it's, he's looking so close that it appears like his eyes are closed. Like, it took the picture at the wrong moment.

Yeah, that's what it looks like. So the two women are looking at the camera. He is either looking at the inside of his eyes or at the room immediately next to him. of his eyes. He's like, hold on, I got to see what's going on in here. Oh, wow. So the woman in green, who's in the center, is blonde.

She is smiling. She has red lipstick on that goes, well, I'm just pointing it out because she has more makeup on. It appears that she has more makeup on. And then the woman to her right, left for the viewer, is a brunette who is in red. And she... Style that are more natural.

Yes. I'm getting big... There's a Betty and a Veronica in this picture, is what I'm picking up. Yeah. So the Burnett one is the rich one? No. For this one, strangely, the blonde seems to be the Veronica. Okay.

And then far in the background, we see some kind of a Christmas village all lit up for Christmas with trees completely decked out. You are in some kind of Alpine Wonderland. Yeah, big mountains in the back, too. Yeah, with like the sun is just beginning to peek out over the mountains. mountains and rays of light as if somebody has drawn a magical blade. And in the foreground, we have the title. And there's also digital snow effects everywhere.

And in the foreground, we have the title, An Alpine Holiday. And I guess they're sitting, are they sitting on like a sled or like a bench? Or a ski lift maybe? I don't know. Yeah. It looks like a bench or maybe a sled of some kind, yeah. Any stabs at what the plot of it, an Alpine. I mean, there's no way of telling what holiday it is.

No, there's no way. Martin Luther King Day, I guess. It's a three-day weekend. This is a tough one. But I feel like because there's three people represented that it's got to be some sort of love triangle. Yeah. I feel like it's either love triangle or the off chance is that it's a brother and sister who are both in love with the middle green girl. Oh, that's like what the believers, or the dreamer?

What's that Bratilucci movie? No, that is exactly a love triangle. I don't know why I described it. Or maybe, like you said, maybe it's a happy thruple because they all seem very happy. So maybe they've been together for a while and they communicate well and they're doing it, they're doing it.

They're just on a... They're just taking a pleasant vacation to an Alpine location. Yeah, they're a thruple. We have their meeting where all three of them bump into each other at the exact same time. Three heads collide like coconuts.

Or could be a situation where he is like a ski instructor, a French ski instructor, and these two high school friends are on holiday together, and they both, like a love triangle, they both are interested in him, and he, by the end, has to choose them both, and then they become the thruple. Ah, I see. It does look like they're posing for a photo, and he doesn't know how to pose. Yes. He's very awkward, like most guys I know are in votes.

Yeah, I wonder if it's a, so just moving away from the Thruppel idea, just trying to think about what's normally in a Hallmark Christmas movie, which is rarely that polly positive. But what I wouldn't give for a Thruple Hallmark movie. That's true, Dan, I mean, there are lots of Thruple, they're almost like movies that you could watch that are available. Yeah, I'm familiar. Very short films. None of them are Oscar nominated, but, you know, in that category. But there's a different category of awards for them. So what if it's a, these are two either friends or sisters who are on vacation together.

Yeah, and there's this local ski instructor or an artisan of some kind. And they're both interested in him. And he's got to choose whether to go with the fancy sister or the down-to-earth sister. Alternately, the woman all the way on the left is not a sister, but is like, I don't like a local forest sprite of some. some kind, who's going to help them find love together, you know? And she just appears around Christmas time. Yeah, like Miracle Beach. Yeah, yeah.

And so Alpine, we're guessing Swiss Alps, right? Not, not, or French Alps, which ones? I mean, that's the great thing about the Alps. Italian Alps. Italian, Swiss, French. All your choices are good. Yeah. You know, Elliot, right here at the end, you came very close to, like, nailing it 100%.

Here we go. Really? Two estranged sisters, Faith and Kelly. Reunite for Christmas in the French Alps to fulfill their grandmother's last wish. During their trip. For them both to have sex with the same guy. During their trip, they read. That was on my bucket list.

You guys do it. My sister and I were never able to pull it off, so I indeed this to you. And perhaps if you can, the curse will be lifted from our family. We couldn't get the pivot right. What? We could engage and begin counting. conversation, but pivoting to the bedroom. Oh, okay.

Sure, yeah. During their trip... Well, how many drinks did you have, grandma? Drinks. That would have changed everything. During their trip, they rediscovered their sisterhood and Kelly finds romance with their guide, Frederick. And I, to close the loop on me recognizing actresses from other shows,

the Brunette, of course, is Ashley Williams, who I remember is Victoria. on how I met your mother. So there you go. Was she the mother? She, I believe, was the baker that Ted dated for a while. Okay, okay, okay. So not the mother, because mothers can be bakers. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't want to spoil who the mother was for anyone starting how I met your mother at this late date, Elliot. Yeah, you're right. You don't want to give it away. Yeah, that's a, it would mean, what would be the point? What would be the point of watching the quest, the journey that took him there? Yeah.

So the brunette, I'm assuming, is the one that doesn't find love at all. She's just what the wingman for the blonde? I think the brunette is the romantic lead. Oh, the bluenettes. And so the blonde is just helping along. Yes. Seems like it's unfair to have a Hallmark movie where you're on the poster and you don't get to find love. Well, that's the holidays, you know?

Sometimes you get what you want. Wait, you see. I understand. The holidays are the blade that cuts twice. You know what they say when you're going to celebrate a holiday, They did two graves, yeah. Well, Amber, thank you for joining for this nonsense that I cooked up based on, like, a thing that you told me. This is a treat.

I had so much fun talking about stupid Hallmark movies with you guys. Before we sign off, please plug again your new show on the Max Fun Network. Yes. And if you want to plug. Sure. Refraising and Archer Rewatch podcast on the Max Fun Network. It's a lot of fun. We are halfway through our second season.

We had all the main cast on as guests, so Judy Greer and Chris Parnell and John Benjamin and Aisha Tyler. So it's a super-duper fun time. And we just started in this season going from the beginning, from the pilot all the way through. So we're about halfway through season one, which is season two of our show. It's very confusing. But check out on the Max Fun Network. And if you live in Atlanta, I do live shows all the time. I'll be doing the Y'allmark Christmas show.

as seven stages or I'll be at dads doing Vaviano Vardo's famous sex party once a month. Lots of fun stuff to see. Oh, thank you for being here. I wish I was in Atlanta so I could see those shows. Yeah, the Vovianna Vardos' famous sex party is a

show that I host as a character named Vaviano Vardot and she is an aging starlet that has a bunch of sexy young people entertain her. That sounds great. So it's like the last good. It's great. do a show in Atlanta for so long

this should be our our inspiration. Totally. Thank you again for being here. Thank you to Alex Smith, our producer. Thank you to Maximum Fun, our network. Go to maximum fun.org for a lot of other great shows. But for the Flop House, I have been Dan McCoy.

I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Ellie Kalen, and we've been joined by Amber Nash. Bye. Happy Hallmark, everyone. Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artists-owned shows. Supported directly by you.