The Flop House - K-9, LIVE!

Episode Date: December 20, 2025

We're taking a short holiday break, but that doesn't mean YOU have to survive without a new episode! It means that we're giving you this live show, recorded at the lovely Sleeping Village in Chicago, IL, where we discuss the Jim Belushi-and-a-dog cop comedy(?) K-9! Everyone wins!We’re coming back to San Francisco Sketchfest on January 25! Get tickets now! We’ll be discussing THE MASTER OF DISGUISE! Or if you prefer to watch us from the comfort of your own home: Flop TV Season 3 tix are ON SALE! The next episode is on DOCTOR DOLITTLE!Stay updated on Flop House events and side projects, plus a little extra, with our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets!Wikipedia page for K-9

On this episode, we discuss K-9. Live from Chicago, Illinois. Yay! Don't hurt yourselves. Elliot, Elliot, you're milking so hard. That's how you get milk at udders. You know that Chicago and cows are mortal enemies. You're right.

You're right. That's why they cut them up and eat them. Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flop House. I'm Jan McCoy. Hey, what's up? I'm Stuart Wellington. Hey, I'm Elliot Kalin.

briefly forgot that this was a show. Well, Dan looked me right in the office. And you were transfixed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're a regular car from Jungle Book. That was the reference I was going to make. That was one for the children. So, this is our late show here at Sleeping Village. Okay, that's why Dan's not wearing pants.

We talked about another Jim Belushi picture. What are we doing this podcast? This is a podcast where we watch a movie that, Perhaps audiences or critics are both rejected. Uh-huh. And then we talk about it. Sounds good. So continue, you were saying?

This is the late show. This is the late show. We don't often cover movies that spawned multiple sequels like this one, which made K-9-1-1, of course, K-19, The Widowmaker. Yeah. And, of course, K-9 and a half weeks. I mean, this movie kind of has that scene. It does have.

He gets uncomfortable in that direction. Yeah, this is another Jim Belushi movie, and this one... During our early show, we talked about a different Jim Belushi movie. Yeah, it was called Taking Care of Business. TCB. What was it ever?

Called that. And this one is called canine. It's named after a dog. Yeah. Well, it's not named after a dog. I don't know why I'm filibustering so long. I could just start talking about the movie. We should mention before the show

for the podcast listener, Dan did a presentation that really roasted Stuart hard. And I think he's got this look at his face like he is stalling to keep the show going longer so we don't beat his ass after the show. Like as long as we have so many eyes watching us, they can't hurt me. The minute we're offstage, I'm going to fastball

special Elliot to dance so hard. Oh man, that is a beautiful mapping of characters, X-Men characters. So, okay, K-9. Yeah, K-9. It's a movie that I was surprised to find was not like

a lovable comedy about a cop and a dog, like say Turner and Hooch that came out the same year. Yeah, I feel like I saw it as a kid and I was expecting to be a Turner and Hooch because it has a lovable star, a comedy star like Tom Hanks. Yeah.

In Jim Bullish. But no, it's like this is like a lethal weapon, but you swap out swap out rigs for a dog. We were talking about it before the show. Like this is, it's amazing the degree to which this is just a cop buddy comedy where they were like, well, it's probably cheaper if we make

one of them a dog. And they didn't change the script at all. I thought, so when I first started watching it, I was like, all right, this isn't the music I would put in the beginning of a comedy. Oh, a helicopter gunship is blasting away at a car. Yeah, that's not how I would start a comedy either. Two people are having

sex in a car. That could happen in a comedy, Dan. Yeah, that could happen. That's foreshadowing for a later scene. It was a helicopter with gunman in it. It was not a helicopter gunship. I apologize. Jim Belushi. To all the dads out there who are mad that I misidentified

a piece of military armament. It was like when my dad saw Lord of the Rings the Two Towers and he couldn't stop complaining about the mistakes with siege warfare presented. I'm like, bitch, there's orcs in it. Ultimately, when my dad saw the Patriot

and he was like, that's how they really fought back then. And I'm like, yeah, I guess that's the highest compliment you can pay to a movie. Yeah. So... I also don't think it is how they really Doesn't he, like, he's throwing a lot of axes and things? Like, I don't think that's what happens.

I mean, I think the only thing, like, my dad also was very excited about that, like, cannons were presented accurately. Yeah, yeah. This is, what happens when I'm in charge of the summer? We end up talking about dad. Yeah, we end up talking about dad military movies. Jim Belushi is Detective Michael Dooley, and he is, uh... Is he ever? He's on a stakeout.

And even his girlfriend calls him Dooley, which I think is very funny. He's on a stakeout. He's playing a handheld video game. As Elliot mentioned, a helicopter tries to shoot him. Luckily, he has barged into a car where people are having sex to try and call his girlfriend and be like... To use their car phone? Yeah. Luckily, they have a car phone, yeah.

I'm going to be home late, and his car gets shot up by helicopter goons. Yeah. Helicopter goons are the people who won't leave the goons alone to just play on their own. These goons just want to masturbate for hours and hours. And they're just hovering over them We'll let it happen. The worst nightmare. For some people, it might be what they want.

You never know, yeah. So Dooley goes to his lieutenant. He's like, I need a new car. The lieutenant's like, hey, why don't you work with a partner? And Dooley's like, no. I'm a movie cop. I decide how I do things. Yeah.

We learned that he's on the trail of a drug dealer named Lyman, and also in this scene, the Lieutenant Punches Dooley, which makes the Lieutenant My Hero. Yeah, yeah. At home, Julie's upset. His girlfriend, Tracy, went out with another guy. I think you forgot the most important thing.

Yeah. They live in an apartment that has a really sick glass brick wall. It does. Yeah, it does. It is a cool... That screams class. It's a cool 80s apartment. Yeah.

Yeah. And he's mad. Tracy did not just stick around while he stood her up for hours. She went out with a friend. She went out with a friend who's a airplane pilot and a successful novelist.

I mean, he's got all that time when he's flying the plane to just write, you know? We learned that Dooley's not. Didn't Sully come out with a book? He was like, that was the best they ever did. The end.

What just happened to the TED over there? Sully, you're writing a novel and you let a goose go into the tent. I'm sorry, boss, I'm sorry. We can't let anyone know that all our pilots are writing novels while they're flying planes. Stephen King has been covering for our pilot Richard Bachman all these years.

It's a real good thing he's doing for the FAA. So right away, we see that Dooley. We're in the home of improv. Dan can't, yes, and, for save his life. Anyway, Dan, you're saying? So Dooley goes home. You know, I don't want the good people at Sleeping Village to be here until one in the morning.

Good point, good point. You know, Julie's not only a loose cannon, he's not a great boyfriend. During the scene, also, of course, Tracy's strips for underwear providing the hint of sex that any dog comedy needs. You know, Julie learns from it... Never mind. I'm not even going to say it. It's horrible.

It was going to be a joke about a scene that does not exist in the movie Beethoven, but... using a little police but my novel explores what if it did exist my novel presupposes what if they did have sex Duley Lute uses a little police brutality to learn that Lyman has

some drugs in a warehouse Is that when he handcuffs a man to his car and then drives onto the freeway with him? Yeah, yeah, real fun stuff. The drugs are in a warehouse that are too big for him to search so it sounds like he's going to need someone with a nose for drugs. Ooh.

Which brings us to a narcotics cop at O'Neill. Yeah. From Married with Children, of course. One of two great performances in the movie by future Fox television stars. Dooley bargains for a dog by helping him with a drug bust where he just like rams a car through a house. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's great.

You know, a totally illegal thing for a cop to do. It's a thing that there's no reason for him to get in trouble for that. Yeah. I was impressed at how quickly he recovered from driving a car through a wall and then just start blasting dudes with his gun. Yeah. Well, you know, he's Jim Blushy. He's a murder machine, that man.

And he's not even in Chicago in this movie. He's in San Diego, right? Yeah. What? So it's not his native soil. What are you even fucking doing here? Ed O'Neill... Do you think Jim Belushi sleeps in a coffin filled with Chicago dirt?

Of course he does. Just to keep his powers. I laughed and then coughed so hard that my spine realigns. Ed O'Neill lones him a canine to find the dogs. This is another that he's like, hey, give me one of these dogs. And he's like, okay. And he just takes it home with him for a few days. Like, I don't even think he feels any paperwork.

But this is a German Shetzschild, blah, blah, blah, blah. A German Shepard. It's a veteran canyine. officer, but this German Shepherd has some personality quirks. Yeah, it's, it's Riggs, basically, right? Yeah. He's got trauma, he only eats chili.

His name is Jerry Lee. Just like Riggs. Jerry Lee Riggs. The search of the warehouse is unsuccessful. Jerry Lee only locates a joint being smoked by a worker. We meet Lyman. Ice is called in to take him away.

God. We meet... It doesn't. really happened. This was a better world. The 80s when Jim Blushy was just crashing cars into houses. Yeah, and driving people on the freeway. We meet Lyman, who's one of these 80s action movie, like bad guys, who's a pillar of the community.

Yeah, but he's also the owner of what, the double, double deuce? Yeah, is Kevin Ty? He's also, what else is he in? He's in a lot of stuff. He's on the show, emergency. Classic villain actor. He most recently was in one battle after another. Yeah, that's right. But he's great, but yeah, he's one of these

classic villains who's like, he throws a charity gala at his house, but he also in the same room that he shot someone in earlier and he does a lot of like, officer, please, I'm just an ordinary businessman. That kind of stuff. But he's got the face of a villain. Big scar, spider mandibles. I feel like in the 80s, they understood

that those rich people are the villains. I'm pretty sure they're sci-fi god warriors that are going to take us to other planets. So Julie, Julie, Julie follows up in another lead. He goes to a bar. We meet a very young Pruitt Taylor viz.

As Benny the mule. Not an actual mule. I was disappointed. I thought it was going to become a Zootopia. He and the other, like, why does the fox got to be a cop in that? That was what I was wondering. It's like animated foxes.

I wanted to be Robin Hoods. I don't want him to be cops. If I'm going to want to fuck an animated foxman, I want to be cool. Zootopia 2 is coming out. Maybe he's a bad cop that sells drugs on the side. Okay.

I just think it's weird. They have a snake in the movie when there's a snake and bad guys already. What's going on, Dan? Yeah, Dan. Well, what's going on in K-9? Oh. Is that...

Oh! Benny and the barflies immediately, like, grab Dooley. They're going to, like, beat him up or kill him, maybe. And he's saved by Jerry Lee and Jim Belushi's character, Dooley, response us by yelling at the dog a lot.

I do. I remember that scene where they throw the pool ball at Jerry Lee and he catches in his mouth and bites it and crunches it, yeah. I remember as a kid I was like that's pretty cool. That dog's sick. That dog should be the star of this movie. I mean, I still feel that way.

I mean, kind of, yeah. There's a bit of gives up the location of the next shipment of drugs and there are some hilarious joke scenes where Dooley tries to put deodorant on the dog but the dog crushed the can so Dooley proves he's willing to ruin his car to win a fight with a dog by sending his conversion

through a car wash with the dog in it and the top open. And this dog who is growling and bearing its teeth the entire time, he then sends in the car wash crew to dry it off. And it's like, don't do that. Stay away from that dog. What are you doing?

At home, Jerry Lee acts like the perfect dog in front of Tracy. Yeah. And Dooley genuinely seems like he thinks the dog is going to steal his girlfriend. Yeah, because he's such a bad boyfriend. The dog is instantly a better boyfriend. And the dog

is making it difficult for them to have sex, yeah. Yeah. Feeds him a whole frozen steak, it's great. Yeah. You get to see a lot of Jim Blushy in just as boxer shorts for the ladies. Probably good for Tracy that the dog is cock-blocking,

but... I don't know, from the movie we talked about in the early show, we know Jim Blushy is a dynamo in the sack. That's right. In taking care of business. You know what kind of business. He was taking care of sex business.

there's a scene at a restaurant that I only mentioned because Dan Castellanette is in it is the second appearance by a future Fox TV star and he's hilarious in it yeah yeah I would I was like I so wish he was the cop in this movie but

I mean he appropriately treats this man with this thing this is before he has beach hijinks and assaults a woman right yeah yeah to avoid to avoid the bad guy seeing him he does the classic like sitting in a chair on the beach

fully in his suit and everything, right? Yeah. Yeah, having his, like, bad guy business meeting there. And Julie does the classic, like, I'm gonna... His BBM, bad guy business meeting. Brazilian business meeting. He, like, kisses this woman, but, like, lays on top of her,

and she responds sensibly by kicking him in the nuts. It is the closest I've seen on film to a story someone once told me about being in a hotel room and a ghost laying on top of them. Well, in the middle of the night. Was that Dan Aykroyd? Yes.

Was Dan Aykroyd? No, it was somebody else. But I'm sure he has that story, yeah. There's a chase scene where, like, Jim Belushi, unfortunately, makes a jump from one roof to another. Just like the hit movie. One roof after another. Kills the bad guy instead.

Duly finally gives the dog a little respect. A man falls to his death and he goes, was it like, now there's a guy who's going to need, I forget what the joke was. It was like, sir, a man just died. Yeah. And even if you don't care about it, like there's a lot of paperwork you're going to have to fill out.

You seem pretty blazé about this. There's a man who's going to remain silent or something like that. It's like, well, you wanted information from him, so this is bad for you. I mean, this is a kind of movie where when he would go back to the office to fill out the paperwork, the dog would just eat it. And they'd be like, oh, I guess God.

Yeah, what are we going to do? Yeah. And this leads into a scene that, like, if we had, you know, unlimited time, I assume, would take up the next hour of discussion. Yeah. there's a part... We talked about the scene

or the dog won't let them have sex. Well, that's what... No, no, this is... So, actually, right before this, there's a part where he figures out that this car dealership is involved in the drugs. Oh, yeah, you're right. But then...

Yeah. But then... Yeah. We get a scene that's initially set to yellow's, oh, yeah. This, and you know... That is the unofficial theme song of the 1980s. Oh, yeah. It's not on Elliot Kalin's doing it mix.

It's on my 80s doing it, makes. Yeah. Beautiful. Yeah, the 90s doing it. More beautiful. Not for the first time after watching this. I went back to the Wikipedia entry about the song, Oh, yeah. And I read about how, so it's by yellow, which is just two guys mainly.

And the one guy writes the music and the other guy is the vocalist. And it was talking about how when the vocalist came in and he had written lyrics for this song. And the guy was like, no, no, no. I just want you to say, oh, yeah. really slow. And he was right. Yeah, he was right. But the reason this song kicks in.

A song that was, it could only be tamed when Congress passed the put this in a Twix commercial act. This is here because Jerry Lee is getting horny for a poodle in another car. And Jim Bluille's going like, oh yeah, she's hot. Oh, she's sexy. Yeah. And Dooley encourages Jerry Lee

to go fuck some straight. dog in that stranger's car. In their car, yeah. And the owner shows up, and he tries to distract him briefly, but the owner sees what's going on. And so that he tries to pay the owner to let the dogs fuck. This is while the car is, like, bouncing around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the owner starts acting like a pimp asking for more money until Dooley reveals he's a cop, and the dude's like, have at it, man. And then Jerry Lee, presumably having achieved orgasm, jumps out of the car to the strains of James Brown's I feel good and it's the kind of moment

there's like everyone go to jail right now straight to jail so Dan you wouldn't say this is the kind of scene that film was made for I like I had to watch this movie you know I watched this movie straight through

and then I like sort of scan watch that one scene over another I scan through the whole movie again to take my notes and it seemed to agree just the first time but the second time it's just like

this fucking movie like the balls to put I feel good at the end of the scene that dog felt good yeah but also just imagine the person

writing this movie and it's like Dooley stands in front of the car window trying to block the view of Jerry Lee having sex with the poodle it's like what are you doing

what's going on it's just like the writer of was it Bad Boys 2 where they wrote two rats have sex in the air Martin Lawrence's transfix

Or a preview for an upcoming episode Mouse with enormous balls runs out of Carly Gugino's shoe That's for the preview for the episode about the one That will be upcoming out So Those listening to this episode, of course We'll have already heard that episode

So that's a little piece of time travel for you Thank you You know, it's a good thing We had this moment of levity because now Duly has returned home to discover that Limeon as kidnaps Tracy. Limean as kidnapped Tracy. And there's some weird phone messages

where Tracy seems like she's like trying to say this without saying it to, you know, preserve plausible die deniability for the criminals so she doesn't get killed. Yeah, using answering machine technology. Yeah, that's great. And then the kidnapper gets on the phone and it's basically just like,

if you ever want to see your girlfriend again, fuck get back the fuck off you know it's like okay well you know it's like a mistake yeah I think he forgot it was he thought Dooley was on the other end of the line yeah yeah yeah Dooley crashes as a party at

Lyman's mansion and lets the dog on the table discharges his gun I was gonna say he fires that he shoots out the lights with his gun this is a wild play because he intentionally he is acting a little crazy and trigger happy threatens Lyman's life with a bunch of people in the room.

Yeah. And it's revealed later on that that was a crime if you're not Jim Belushi. That was an intentional choice because it wanted, he wanted to pretend that he was going to be taken to jail. But in fact, his cop buddies were just going to let him loose and do his job or something. But he didn't tell anyone about it. So they're just like, no, we have to take you to jail. Yeah, no, we're like, we're going to take you to jail.

Like, you did a bunch of wild stuff. Luckily, Jerry Lee has a little ruse up his sleeve. Yeah, all that, all that chili that Jerry Lee ate earlier. was Chekhov's chili because Chekhov's chili is the chili with real guns in it Every commercial for Chekhov's Chili starts with the maidservants at the house

talking about the chili and who's going to eat it and what it's made out of? Yeah, undercover of farts Dooley and Jerry Lee escaped. There's got to be a movie called Undercover Farts, right? It's some Italian comedy. On their stakeout, Dooley tells a story of how

he and Tracy met, which is basically that he fell for her when she didn't automatically treat him with contempt for being Jim Balushi. And he was also, he was on a stakeout watching drug dealers from a beach bathroom, but then he saw her and he was so turned on by her applying chapstick that he had just had to go over to her smelling like a beach bathroom.

And what else could she do? And presumably hot dogs. Yeah, yeah, but I mean that's just his natural smell. But they grab the drug truck, they go to the desert, where Tracy is being kept. Dooley pretends his video game is a detonator and he's going to blow up the truck full of cocaine unless

he surrenders the girlfriend back. And the plan works until the video game makes a noise that it's not a detonator. It's good screenwriting. It's kind of wild that they knew that that sound was for a video game. Well, most detonators don't go ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Why bow? Yeah, I mean like the... Like probably the Joker's detonators do that. There's a shootout. Dooley kills, like, the second command. Jerry Lee chases Lyman who shoots the dog. And Dooley's enraged. You know he's a bad guy.

Shoots back. Like the kid at the end of Old Killer. That's the villain of that movie. The biggest villain in cinematic history. Yeah. But Lyman's actually killed by the buyers who arrive in a helicopter and they're like, the deal's blown. Well, we don't know that. He's caught in the crossfire between the, between those guys and Dooley.

So maybe Dooley shot him. I don't know. Yeah, Julie and Tracy. Cinema fans will debate for years. They rush the fatal shots. They rush the dog to the hospital where... They rush the dog to a human hospital where multiple people tell...

What, like, as opposed to a hospital where, like, dogs are performing surgery? I've seen a painting that's kind of like that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. The painting where all the dogs are playing poker at an examination table. And multiple people tell him,

we don't take care of dogs here. like, get out of my way, bitch. And if it's like, they don't know how, they don't know how to take care of dogs. He sounds like Freddy. He does, he does bully a surgeon into, you know, taking the bullet out.

He literally takes his gun out and puts it on the table and it's like, you're going to fix this dog. Yeah. And Dooley briefly thinks the dog has died because Jerry Lee, that scamp, you know, plays dead. But I mean, like, he immediately goes into the recovery room and, like, yeah,

he's going to be asleep or something, right? He just had surgery. He's not going to be, like, bouncing around. It seems like he doesn't know it's the recovery room. He thinks it's the dead dog room. So, it's weird they'd have that in a non-dog hospital.

No, they would have a dead person room. He delivers this, like, monologue to the... Oh, if you were only alive, I'd let you sleep at the end of our bed. Yeah, and I'm going to take you and Tracy and the poodle to Las Vegas. So you can marry the poodle. And then the dog wakes up,

and he's immediately like, I would never do that for a manipulator like you. Well, the dog, you see the dog open his eyes and then close his eyes again to pretend he's dead some more because this dog has human intelligence.

But, you know. In the K-9 TV show, they did a, so they did a TV spin-off where it was released as K-9,000 as like a direct-to-video movie, I think. It was supposed to be the pilot for TV show where the dog does have like a computer chip in its brain

so that it can like analyze crime. And so maybe they did that in this one, they just didn't tell anybody about it. What? Did you just make all that up? No. That's a real thing. If I was going to make something up, I would tie it. Is she a Belushi in it?

No, he's not. If I was going to make it up, I would have said it was related to Poochinski, the pilot about the police officer who gets reincarnated as a dog. But even though Belushi has immediately rescinded his offer, of course, cut to him doing exactly that. This movie. This movie. This movie. And a poodle that they apparently stole or bought. bought, I don't know.

This movie does not know how to end. There's so many moments where I was like, and that's the end of the movie. Oh, no, here's a shot of Las Vegas. Yeah, no, they drive to Las Vegas as a Ico, Ico, a cover of Ico Ico I go by the Dixie Gups plays. And there you go, that's a canine. That's the story of canine.

Do you think you should have ended, like, cut to black immediately the moment Jerry Lee got shot? I think it should end it like the French connection where you just, the bullet sound just reverberates, reverberates, reverberates, and you cut to a shot of Jim Belushi, and then there's something, like, kind of mysterious happens, you don't know what it is, and it's over. And I think, yeah, people would be like,

K-9, what a movie, wow, really pulls the rug out from under the audience. But then, halfway through the credits, there's a scene that is the actual end of the movie, and if you left early, you don't know how that or sinners ends. So, yeah, final judgments, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

or a movie we kind of like I gotta admit at the beginning of this movie no no no no no no don't get worried it's like I didn't like this movie but then the poodle came in and then oh yeah

all I can say is to quote yellow oh yeah no like at the beginning of this movie as it started I'm like oh the crap of my youth has a certain nostalgic pull

even if I didn't see it back then I'm like oh This is, you know, like, this is going to be a fun, dumb, like, cop comedy. And then as it went on, like, his behavior was so egregious. I'm like, I can't enjoy any of this. I say bad, bad. What do you say, Elliot? I also say bad, bad.

I will say this for it. One, the score is hilarious because it is the most 80s cop movie score I've ever heard in my life. But also, there's some parts of this movie that look really good. Like, I meant to look up who the cinematographer was because it's a bunch of scenes where I really like the way they were shot. I don't like what they're shooting but I like the way they did it but otherwise it's bad bad he's so

Buduli is such an unlikable character the stuff with like it's like it's just not the cop stuff is not interesting it's not fun enough like we're thrilling enough that you're like oh are they going to catch him you know and the dog stuff is not funny enough yeah the twist and turns like I'm watching this movie

and watch a fucking dog have hijinks dude I don't care about what the fucking mystery is no and the highlight I mean there's a couple performances that I like in the movie but it's like, I like those performers. Like, Ed O'Neill's only in it for a short time. I think he's great in it. Like, I was like, oh, I wish Ed O'Neill was playing this part, you know,

instead of being the sort of Dutch, you know. But, yeah, I don't even would have crushed, but still. He would have crushed it. But I would all say bad, bad movie. Stu, what do you think? Yeah, it's a bad, bad movie. I remember watching it as a kitten, like, liking it, but I think that was just because I was really into the dog sex part.

Well, that's how your parents introduced you to the N-I-M-Sex as they showed you that scene. Yeah, yeah. They sat me down. they stopped it and said, what did we learn? So, what's your thing? No, that's, we had Terminator for that, guys. Oh, because your grandma was the grandma from, what's it called, that dumb one?

What? Hillbilly Outhouse or whatever it's called. What? No. Do you remember she's in, what's it called? The Ron Howard movie, she's like, I don't know. Close.

Hell, thank you. Hillbilly, LG, but she's like, she's like, there's good Terminators. and there's bad Terminators. That's what I learned from this one. Dear Lord. Well, that would have been Terminator 2, right? Okay.

That's true. There's only a bad Terminator. I'm shutting this down in favor of... I couldn't remember the name of that stupid movie. Taking some questions from folks. If you're interested in talking to us, there's a microphone right there. That movie, Hillbilly Grandma?

That sounds like a movie where grandma shoots drug dealers with a shotgun. Yeah. To cover the, you know, the time as everyone walks up, Of course, I will do my rendition of Yellow's, oh, yeah. Oh, bum, boom, do, do, do, do. Oh, yeah, never mind. Where's the do, do, do, do, oh, now I know the part you're doing.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, so, yeah, so that's a big recommendation for Yellow's, oh, yeah. If you're taking a day off from school, that's the song to listen to when you steal your friend's dad's car. Greetings, I am John Hodgman, co-host, and co-host. creator of the Judge John Hodgman podcast, along with Jesse Thorne here on the Maximum Fund Network, and I am here with Max Fund member of the month, Keith, who's been a maximum fund member since when, Keith? Oh, at least three or four years now. I don't recall exactly when I fell prey to the pledge to strive, but it got a hold of me, and I've yet to relent. Oh, and we shall not ever

let go. Now, you join us, telephonically, from a different country from ours, which is which. I moved to Vera Portugal back in August of this year. I hear evening birds chirping behind you. What are the names of those birds? We do have quite a few spoonbills and quite a few flamingos as well. So what would you say to the birds around you and the people listening who are considering supporting the show? You know, it's just nice to have a little bit of investment in the things that I love. Knowing that I'm making sure that those podcasts are still being created, makes me feel good.

We're so pleased to have you be our Maximum Fund member of the month. Thank you very much, Keith, in Portugal, this month's Maximum Fund member of the month. Obrugato. Become a MaxFund member now at Maximumfund.org slash join. On Judge John Hodgman, the courtroom is fake, but the disputes are real. Brian would say, I'm the Gumby of this family. He's just not. Claiming to be Gumby is an ungambi-like claim.

No, it's just Gumbi and I being our authentic selves. So what's your complaint? Too many sauces? There are no foods on which to put the sauces. Have we named all the sauces on the top shelf yet? Not even close. You economize when it comes to pants. Truly, it's not about the cleanliness of the pants. Well, why isn't it? This is what I want to know.

Judge John Hodgman, fake court, weird cases, real justice. On maximum fun.org, YouTube, and everywhere you get podcasts. Hey, it's Dan breaking in to say, if you're enjoying this live show or you like Flop House live shows in general, but you couldn't make this one in Chicago, we're going to be back at San Francisco Sketchfest in January of this upcoming, rapidly upcoming year. We'll be at Cobb's Comedy Club again at Sunday, at Sunday, on Sunday, January 25th at 4 p.m. You can come out and see a Sunday show without being worried about being tired at work all week because it's in the afternoon, 4 p.m. We'll be talking about the master of disguise and we'll finally see if we're turtily enough for the turtle club. For tickets to that, you can go to sfsketchfest.com and click the link for the lineup. You can get to it through there.

Or you can just go to flophousepodcast.com and click on events. Also, you know what? We got a couple of sponsors. Hey, this podcast is sponsored, brought you in part by Squarespace. If you need a website, Squarespace is a great way to get one. It gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid all in one place. These days, you've got to have a website if you're a professional, if you want to get paid. And you can do it with Squarespace with a professional.

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frames.com to get $35 off or as best-selling Carver Matt Frames, named number one by wirecutter, by using promo code flop at checkout. That's A-U-R-A-Frames.com promo code flop. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell-out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. And lastly, we got a jajajumbo-tron. And the jambotron goes thusly. Hey, guys, I wrote a book. A history of shock film tells the story of how movies have broken taboos and caused controversy.

I pick 321 official shock films, ranging from Elliot's scariest movie, persona, to Stewart's favorite movie, Ricky O, the story of Ricky. Sorry, Dan, stop making sense, doesn't have enough sex or violence. Now back to my favorite podcast, The Flip Horse, with Stan, do, and killing it, alien. Sorry, with Stan, do, and killing it, alien. I got those all mixed up. Sometimes words sound like other words. XO, XO, XO, XO, EXO, Eddie Daniels. And Eddie wants you to find the history of shock film by Eddie Daniels on Amazon, Bar

Barnes &noble.com or bookshop.org sounds like a lot of fun. Now, back to Chicago where we're talking about K-9. Hey, so we're going to be doing some questions from the audience. We have a limited amount of time. Keep it tight. You're talking to me? Yes, he's talking to me the whole time. Hello. Hello. John, last name withheld.

Hey, John. Just curious, you know, I bought various amounts of merchandise, but I've never bought an album from you guys, like a music album. If you had to come out with a music album to represent it in the Flap House, what songs would you each choose for yourselves? I mean, we've talked about a couple of them tonight already. Yeah, yeah. So this is soundtrack from other artists.

Oh, this is not music from us. This is not like... Other artists, or would you commission an original song in particular? Yeah, sure. Who would we commission an original song from? Probably Alex. who's written original songs. He goes in the name Howell Dottie online.

Sexy Zenomorph and he's the house cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make it sound as much like, I don't know, like a Don Henley song as possible. Joe Walsh or something. Either Alex or Seal. Yeah, Seal. What's your second favorite Seal song?

The Kiss from a Rose remix. Second Kiss from a Rose. Yeah. Kiss from a Rose. different rows. Parentheses, uh-oh. I mean, that's a good Giala movie title right there. That is, that is a good Giala movie. Uh, yeah, so I think that answers

that question. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Thank you. Hello, ma'am. Hello, my name is Audrey, last name withheld, not McCoy. Yeah, you only have to withhold half your last name. My question for you guys

is, for Dan's presentation, he said that it was my idea and I just said, oh, it would be cool to do a presentation and how to do presentations. I did not say, oh, you want to roast your friends? And thank you, I'll take my answer sitting down. Yeah, yeah. You didn't say, hey, you should hurt their feelings, like, really bad.

I feel like... You know what? You know what would be really funny if you humiliated the people closest to you. I feel like that's the logical conclusion, though, right? Like, that's implied. It's inherent in the... Yeah, make them look.

like fools in front of all their cool friends in Chicago. Take them to a city where they're already strangers looking for a warm hand and take that hand and slap them in the face with it. I thought that's funny. Yes, please. Hello, my name is Holly, and I liked this movie slightly more

than taking care of business, and I think that was just because there were some shots of just there is a cute dog on screen. So do you think, like, what bad movie would you insert a cute dog into to make it a slightly better movie? Oh, that's a good question. I mean, I feel like, that's tough

because I feel like you can insert a cute dog in any bad movie, and it's gonna make it a little better, right? Yeah, well, you look at something like Troll 2, that's a movie you could have a cute dog in at some point, right? Yeah, like the people who made the movie had to have had a dog around, right? Why don't they just put that thing in? They had to have, yeah.

Or that movie, a boy in his dog? Is there a dog in that? sure I feel like it has to be one that's just like boring you don't want to see anything bad happen to the dog no no no exactly like but what if in the middle of that terrible

robocop remake just we like the dog runs by and then the camera follows the dog yeah just on its day just going I mean that is to be honest that is the way that Jack Frost which we did recently for pop TV ends which is the dog just goes somewhere and the camera follows the dog for a while and is the best scene in the movie

yeah what's that dog getting up to this dog that's untainted by the events of the movie, yeah. Stu, so what do you think, Story of Rikia? Oh, that's a good movie, Elliot, but yeah, it would be better with a dog. That's the thing is that, like, presence of a cute dog is going to improve any movie, good or bad. Yeah. That's the stance I'll take. Although, to be fair, if I was watching, say, Empire Strikes Back, and they're on, Darth Vader Star Destroyer, and a cute dog runs by...

Are you saying Chubbacca is not a cute dog? I'm standing up for this. Dubaka is clearly a bear man, but he has elements of dogishness about him. Yes, that's true. Doggishness. So, yes, those are the movies. Good question.

Thank you. Thank you. Okay. Next question. Hi, I'm Kaylee. Hi. So I was watching this movie like an hour before we walked over here. I'm sorry. Cramming for the test.

It really felt like it. We were like, dear God. I've got to find out if the K is going to nine before we go. to the show. So as it ends, you know, it pops up what you think, what we think you should watch and I'm watching with my brother because he's here with me and he goes,

K-9-11, huh? And I was like, um, I think that says K-9-1-1. Yeah. But if Jerry Lee had been on that plane, if Jerry Lee and Mark Wahlberg had been on that plane together.

So my question is the fuck with that movie look like. Oh, right. You know that that is. Okay, if they really made that... It would be better than this one, I can say. Yes, it would be the only taste,

halfway tasteful way to make the movie is to make that dog a rescue dog who's like pulling people from the wreckage. The tasteless way to do it is to have a dog on the plane and one of the terrorists is a dog. And the two dogs... Now sort of an air buddy's situation.

Yes, exactly. So we have a rescue dog. How is that rest of? rescue dog gonna have sex with a poodle though that's when at the end of the movie when he comes home from work is like rough day real rough I thought I thought I was gonna be a mild

mile like love dog situation it'll be like in the the Denzel Washington taking Pelham one two three where it keeps cutting back to his gorgeous wife just lying around the bed waiting for him to come home so he can have sex with her and I'm like this is very different from the original movie but it creates

suspense you're like well that sex ever happened? But yeah, I think they made the mistake of naming that movie when 9-1-1 was more on people's heads than pronouncing it the other way. Oh, that show 9-11 is on TV and it's a huge hit. No, no, Ellie, you're making the same mistake. Oh, no.

Thank you. Thank you. Okay, 9-11. Hi, Rachel, last name with health. Hello. Hello. So I know a friend of the Pop-P House podcast, Matt Singer. He does a lot of the reviews of different foods.

Yeah, he's killing him. Yeah. Okay, so a company, a food company, say, like Denny's or Buffalo Wild Wings, comes up to you and asks you, we need a flop house-themed menu. What are your signature dishes? Well, we definitely have to have fried chicken. Gotta have fried chicken on there, but I don't want to compete with Popeyes because I know I'll fail. There can't be any fruit on the menu where Ellie would be mad. As long as it's just not on the plate with the fried chicken, I'll be okay. Dan said, Dan was like, he went, in L.A., you went to like a Korean, fried chicken place.

He sent me a picture and there was all this fruit displayed on top of the chicken and I was like, you burn that place down. Don't really, don't really do that anybody. I mean, you gotta have a beef Wellington.

Yeah, yeah. And a beef stew. A beef Wellington stew. I've never wished that my name went to itself to a food pun previously, but now.

Dan McCoy. Personal Dan Pizza. I just did it. Can I tell you, like, I don't think I would have a good, I don't think I would have a good answer anyway, but right when we got that question... And that feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Did you bet on Draft Kings

that Dan wouldn't have an answer to this question? Now you're throwing the game? Right when we got that question, I realized that, like, I put this tiny clock that we brought from home to be here. You notice there's a clock above the stage? I just noticed there's a giant clock right here that tells me the time.

And the temperature. Your clock doesn't do that. Yeah, it's so much better than my clock. It's got the date on there. That's a good clock, Dan. You should steal that. No, I couldn't. So there you got it.

Fried chicken, beef, stew, Wellington, beef Wellington, beef Wellington stew, personal d' pizza. Yeah, it's like a bowl cereal but instead of like Krispix or some shit, it's little beef well and it's a whole. Yeah, it's a stew and the... Yeah, it's a stew with you guys get it.

I didn't know. I thought they were two separate. You're right, Dan. don't have an answer to this question. Dan Dan noodles, something like that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, all right. We did.

Thank you. So I guess, thank you. So let's, if there's a restaurant tour in the audience or someone wants to invest in a restaurant? Yeah, I mean, I own bars. I could do that. I don't know. I can't stop looking at this clock next. Not to distract from the clock, but Peter, last name withheld.

Hello. K-9 was a unanimous bad bad, but perhaps it was. because our leads were miscast. If you could keep everything off rules, yeah. No, no, you keep everything else the same? It's like, it's a dog cop who has to get a Jim Belushi out of the kennel and take him home. Where Jim Belushi has to keep a dog cop from having sex with his dog wife? Yes, that Jim Belushi has sex with a poodle in a car.

Yeah. I was going to posit, what is the perfect actor animal combination that could save this movie if that was the only two things you changed? So something that I said to Dan and Stewart last night when we were talking about this movie ahead of time. Sorry, guys, you missed some of it, was. that it feels like with this and the movie you talked about in the earlier sure,

taking your business, it seems like Jim Belushi was getting roles that were written for Bill Murray or a Bill Murray type person where he has this natural charisma where he can do, he can be mean

and break rules and stuff and you're like, oh, but the way he does it, it's funny in this movie. And I feel like if you had him as the cop, you could get away with a lot more of this type of stuff. Now the dog, I don't know how to recast the dog.

I mean, I feel like the dog is not the problem per se. The dog is doing with the dog. The dog is listening to credits Jerry Lee. playing Jerry Lee, and you know there's multiple dogs that played that part. Well, like, what if it was like a Komodo Dragon? Yeah.

Now you're talking. That's what I'm talking about. Very dangerous. I would love that. You know, some kind of big water monitor or something. Or like a Macaw, like a big bird. That's, like a condor. Yeah, we'll give you one of the police contours.

Take a tip from... A police or police cassowary. You can snip out drugs. Don't let him kick you. Take a tip from joke farming by Elliot Kaelan. You can also de-heighten. What if it's a gerbil? Okay, now you got it.

Yeah, it's called G9. It's like, ah, what am I supposed to do with this? And he goes, so when Jim Lushy's in that bar and they're about to kill him, he's like, get him, get him, and the gerbils just kind of like chewing on a paper towel roll. Yeah, that's funny. Good work. Good doing it.

Better movie. Okay, yeah, great question, thank you. Good one. These are great questions tonight. Sometimes we do these shows, and the questions are poor, but these ones are really good. Well, shit, that's a lot of pressure on me. Yeah, but you're going to do great.

You're going to do great. Shelby, last name withheld, first of all, very upset about the idea of Beef Wellington from Denny's. There is absolutely no shot that is worth anything. But Dan Dan Dan noodles from Denny's you're okay with? You make a fair point. Thank you. Why don't we settle on personal Dan pizza?

We call the restaurant Danny. There's a moon over my Danny. There's all, everything's Dan. Stewart's like, I feel like we brainstorm past the point where we had a pretty good idea. It's all lateral. He didn't even let it walk around a bit. So, my wonderful husband, Christopher,

turns 40 on Thursday. Happy birthday. Yay. He is in the back. But so I wanted to know. They say 40 is the new 20, or at least they did when Cougar Town was a new show. That was the ad slogan.

Well, to that end, do you have any suggestions for movies to prep him for this next stage of life, this proper middle age, to really get him ready for what he should anticipate. I will say there's one movie that's about what it's like when this is 40, but I don't think it's... Don't watch that. That's not it. I don't know, you love that guy's movies.

What do you think, Dan? Is it just, like, are there just, like, educational films about, like, proper posture and, like, how to reduce strain on joints? Because that's mostly what's on my mind these days. I mean... I was going to say anything by Ken Burns. Cacoon, dude.

Cacoon. Yeah, cocoon. Or just, you know, like... Did you know when Wilford Brimley made that movie? He was only 31 years old. Did you know he was younger than Tom Cruise was when Tom Cruise was when he made that movie? Or just any of those dad movies you were talking about earlier. Just start shoveling them over.

Yeah, like, Man, it would be King. Yeah. Master and Commander. Stuart, you're not even a dad and you love these movies. King's of Heaven, that's another one too, I think. Yeah, sure, yeah. Really Scott is, like, in dad movie territory. Yeah, last duel would be a really good dad movie, yeah, sure, yeah, yeah.

That Napoleon one, I assume, is a dad movie, yeah. Probably the duelists, that's a great dad. Yeah, really Scott's movies are all dad movies, yeah. Yeah, like alien. But didn't he also do like white squall, right? Yeah, no, no. That's maybe the daddest movie there ever was. He's definitely in that show.

super don't fit. Oh shit. Okay, never mind then. No, the energy's right though. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wonder, there's not, I feel like I haven't, I have not seen a movie that gets across what entering middle age feels like. It feels like movies mostly do stories of young people or old people. They don't do a great job of doing that time of life unless it's a movie like, I mean, again, it's not a great movie, like the family man where it's always about a guy who like, he wishes he had something different, but then he finds out what he had was the best. And it's like, okay.

So Jack Frost. Yeah, Jack Frost. Yeah, Jack Frost. Yeah. Yeah, to prepare him when he turns into a magic snowman, yeah. Perfect, perfect. Thank you. What's a good, let's see, what did I start getting interested in when I turn 40? Yeah, I don't know, vitamins, yeah. Hello, Taylor, last name with help. Hey, Taylor.

I am a hospice nurse. I actually came from an 8-to-8 shift and then right here. Thank you for your work. But it is actually very joyful work. And I would like to know if you could pick the last movie that you were going to watch, what would you pick? I think about this a surprising amount. Because I'm often watching a movie for the Flop House

and I'm like, am I going to die before I see another movie? There's so much I want to see, but I'm watching K-9. I mean, I understand that feeling, but also I feel like if I knew, I probably wouldn't pick a new movie. No, no, you'd pick something you know is special to you. Yeah, I would pick like a Parks Brothers movie or something. I'm like, let me laugh at something, please. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Or maybe the Muppet movie, that would be a good... I think you should do the Muppet movie, yeah. I mean, I probably... Because then you say life's like a movie, write your own ending, and you'd go, I am, and then you... I have. Yeah. I mean, like, the obvious answer would be like the Lord of the Rings movies.

But also, like, almost... Because it would extend quite a bit? Death, you can't get me until I finish watching these movies and at the end of Return of the King is like, I have you now. Oh, the Hobbit! Nine more hours of life for you.

But I'd also say like any Miyazaki movie like Spirited Away or something would be like, yeah, like the warm bath of a movie. Yeah, I don't know. I might want to see, I mean, almost every year of my birthday.

Crank 2, high voltage. That'll kick me out of this funk. Yeah, almost every year. for my birthday, I just ended up watching Taking Pelham 1, 2, 3 again. So it might be that, but I don't know, maybe Wizard of Oz. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a great, a good one? A good pig.

Oh, thanks, okay. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. There's a reason that people are paying top dollar to see it at the dome. Or the sphere? Yeah, because they're dumb. But that's a sweet question. I'm going to think about that some more, yeah. I'll go home and ask my kids, they'll be like, what movie should I watch before I die?

They're like cars, too. They might say, and that's the worst one. Hello, Bryce, last name, withheld. So I'm going to make sure that I'm not this person, but I... Can't wait to find out what kind of person this is that you're not. I used to have to write film reviews, and there was one night in which I had to review two movies at once.

And the first movie was Zombiland, the second was the Patton-Oswalt film Big Fan. Okay. And the zombie lands film screening ran way over. So I got to the big fan screening across town with maybe 15 minutes left. And there was a Q&A with Patton Oswald afterwards. And I saw another film critic

at a far more reputable newspaper walk up and be like, who I knew was at the zombie land screening. Be like, hey, I just want you, Pat and Oswald, in your own words, to just explain what the movie is about. That's amazing. So I just want to see if you have any stories about a Q&A after a screening or anything like that

where you've experienced such another egregious or funny audience encounter with a Q&A. That's amazing, the balls it would take to do that. I wasn't watching, could you? So this wasn't at a film screening. I've seen some good ones and some bad ones. but there was a... What a life. We went...

Time to watch Lord of the Rings, I guess. No, but we went to a live podcast taping of our friends, the McElroy Brothers, for my brother, my brother, and me. It was great, and they were introduced by Lynn Manuel Miranda, who came out, and he was great. And then, like, you know, Lynn watched the rest of the show from the side and was loving every minute of it,

like no man has loved a podcast before. But, like, midway through the show, show during the Q&A, a guy came up to ask a question, he was like, hey, I'd like to do a rat battle with Lynn, please. Whoa. And they're like, what? He's like, yeah, I think

I should do it. It was like the weirdest thing I've ever seen, like the fucking stones on this guy. That is even worse than asking Pat and Oswald to do your homework for you about the movie. Yeah. I go into like a fugue state when anything too uncomfortable happens, so

I feel like I blocked everything out. And you have a very low tolerance. But I think that, I know you've talked about something before along these lines. I don't mean to put you on the spot because now you don't seem to remember anything. I mean, I've seen a bunch, I don't have seen any that are as good as stewards, but I've definitely been at a lot of Q&A's where someone gets up and they're like,

this is my chance to become best friends with the person who is on stage right now. And I've seen audiences boo people asking questions because they will not stop just trying to like get, be like, what's the thing I can say that will make this person

say, we should hang out after the show. What's a Konami code here? Yeah, exactly. But I'm trying to think of a specific one, but I don't know. There's a, there's a, I will say that one, there was one time. So Stuart and I, years ago, we went to see a screening of only God forgives, and Nicholas Wending Reifan and, what's his face? The star of the movie.

Ryan Gosling. Ryan Gosling, were there afterwards. And that was one of the best answers I've ever heard was, someone said to Ryan Gosling, is there a role that another actor played that you wish you could play? And he goes, Freddy Kruger. No, not a wait. No, no pause. He just comes out, and...

And the crowd lost their minds. They went crazy. But then there was another guy, he goes, and he went, as an aspiring filmmaker myself, and the audience started booing so badly. And I felt so bad for this guy. And then he was like, you did you give me some advice?

And it was a terrible question, but Nicholas Money Wraffin had a great answer for it. But it was like, I felt so bad for this guy in the book because I'm like, that's a dumb-ass question, but also like, the whole audience turned against you so quickly. Thank you so much. And thank all of you for being here late on a Sunday.

I mean, speaking of which, I'm sure they will need to kick us out at some point. So I don't know how much time we have. We'll try and sign some things afterwards if people want that. But we should say our names and get off the stage. Wait, who's going to say which name? You say Stewart's, and I'll say yours. Okay. And you say mine.

Wait, but I'm saying Stuarts and yours? I've been Dan McCoy. Let's just keep it easy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalen. Thank you very much, Chicago. Thank you, Sleaving Village. You've been wonderful.

Yeah, Elliot did some real champion vamping as I tried to figure out. That's why they call me the vamp champ. What was going on? This is, I, hello. Hey. I just realized that's a more traditional way to start a show than to say what went wrong at the first show. There's no more Dan McCoy way to start a show than to litigate the problems of the first show. I asked this to the first thing.

I'll ask it again. Who's been to a show before? A flop-house show. Yeah, not just any show. I saw the Celine Dion. No, and, uh, wow. Who here is not familiar with the flop house and somebody else brought you?

Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay, get ready for the ride of your life. Get ready for an immersive theatrical experience. No. That will have you questioning just what is life? So everyone close your eyes, take out $30 and hold it in an open palm. This trick will blow your minds.

Okay, I'll see. Let them cook. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artists-owned shows. Supported. Directly. By you.