The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #110 - Battleship

Episode Date: September 15, 2012

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 37:37 - A movie as bloated and overlong as Battleship deserves one of our most bloated and overlong discussions, right?37:38 - 40:07 - Final judgments40:08 - 42:33 - A plug for our live panel show, and a discussion that honestly probably should have been cut from the podcast.42:34 - 55:54 - Flop House Movie Mailbag55:55 - 1:29:59- The sad bastards recommend. 1:30:00 - 1:04:55 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

In this episode we discuss the based on a board game movie that ruined Clues Good Name. Battleship. Hey everyone, welcome to the Fluff House, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington. And hey to the third, I'm Elliot Kaelin, the third. How you guys doing? Actually, I'm good, I missed you guys, you guys were on the trail. Yeah, we were away for a couple weeks. We too much, but we're out yeah, we're out of town reveal too much I mean we work for a television show that was very publicly at the political conventions. That's true

But yeah, so I didn't get a lot of Dan and LA time. Yeah, sorry about this and we missed our Stuart time We did hang out together while watching Seth Rogen movies. Oh Yeah, it's basically the same thing. Yeah. We put your face on a trash can. We put a tape recorder inside of it. That went, oh, right. Right, Brewer. So it sounds a lot like me.

Yeah, but now we're all back together. Yep. For one brief shining moment before we're torn to set. I mean, yeah, that's, that's, that's, brief, the movie. Oh, not literal. It was pretty long. Yeah, that was one of the moment before we're torn to set. I mean, yeah, that brief, the movie, the theater watch was pretty long. Yeah, that was one of the longer movies we watched for this thing, if not the longest.

Well, let's set this up. This is the flop house, a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we chat about it afterwards. And tonight we watched a movie that was a trim, two hours and 11 minutes long. Oh, yeah, a short 131 minutes. They couldn't cut a single minute. No, yeah, a short 131 minutes. They couldn't cut a single minute.

No, it was lean, it cut to the bone. No bad thing. Magnum Opus, and I do mean magnum battleship. Why magnum? Magnum is large. If there's guns large in the sense that like a magnum condom is a large, or not, I don't know. I thought magnum condom was like regular size. Magnum. Yeah, it was like guys like me

I joined the eye yeah and Magnum force the dirty Harry movie is about an enormous cup And army of 10,000 cops a big force. What's about? It's about the strong cosmic force. Yeah But this movie battleship battleship was about battleships. Not really. It was about the the the sales of the Hasbro game, the same name. This movie battleship was about how far can studio go to license a pre-existing property and try to craft a story around it. That is also as much as possible the story of the movie Transformers. Should we talk about it? I mean, it's probably... We usually do.

We were talking about some else. We could. We would probably be using our time much more wisely if we didn't talk about battles. Well, we already wasted over two hours watching. Yeah, I mean, I'm just going to just talk about the back. Should we go through the plot briefly of battleship? Please, let's do that. Well, let's just go over what the plot briefly of battleship. Please, let's do that. Well, let's just go over what the opening scenes

of battleship are like. Because I started writing them down because I was like, on the back of a receipt. I was like, I'm going to want to remember these. And then a couple scenes in, I was like, well, I don't want to remember any of this. Okay, we start off with a bunch of scientists telling a bunch of reporters and other scientists

that they're going to beam a message into space to look for aliens seems like a pretty You know constantly we've all were familiar with Yeah, but they go on about it for a while this movie treats you as if you don't know anything about space You've never seen a movie about aliens. What's an alien exactly? That's what they're like there are planets Like for our jobs, right? No, you think thinking of immigrants. Build the space fence. Let's finish the dang space fence.

Just keep the aliens out from stealing or killing people and taking over the world jobs. So they explain for a while that a message is gonna be beam to the space and then they do just that. Cut to Taylor Kitch, star of the show, Friday Night Drives, the show about Richard Drives, is with his

brother who it turns out later, his name's Stone. Yeah, we found that out in App Wait. During the credits, yeah, I don't know, is the last scene. It's similar. Like Taylor Kitch's last name was Hopper, by the way, so his brother's name is Stone Hopper. Stone Hopper, which is not a name. And Stone Hopper is finding his brother about how his brother, something hopper, Sam Hopper, Alex Hopper, and the brother about how his brother, something hopper, Sam Hopper, Alex Hopper, and-

The main character of the movie, we don't know. It's called Hopper. Everyone calls him Hopper, including his girlfriend, but they're at a bar, Hopper's just turned 20 something, and he is a total loser. He's screw up, he is a total goof fall. He's got nothing going on.

I mean, no one say he's a goofball, he's pretty serious. And a slabs versus a snobs comedy, he would be cast as one of the slabs. Like a young Rodney Dangerfield. Not exactly. Sure. Well, I mean, he does not get no respect. He is more like the same age Andrew W. K with his long hair and his partying hard. Okay, so a pretty girl walks up to the bar and she wants to order a chicken burrito since apparently this is one of those bars that has that. The bartender refuses to serve it to her. And of course, she's wasted.

The bartender says the kitchen is closed and he closed the microwave door. Which is a funny joke. Yeah, it's a funny joke, but then like, that doesn't mean that the woman then afterwards is like, oh, that's what the chicken burrito is, no thank you. That seems to redouble her thirst for a chicken burrito. She's a cool guy.

She's so much faster. She saw that microwave. It was immaculate. Yeah, it was very clean. It was very spotless. Almost as if they had just bought it for a film shoot and it had never been used. So he says, Taylor Kitch is trying to hit on her and he says, if you give me five minutes, I'll get you that chicken burrito.

And she says, okay, you've got five minutes. Because that's impossible. Five minutes to make your chicken burrito. He doesn't have the supplies. Well, he didn't say, he doesn't have the skills. He's got to go to cookies school in five minutes, then grow the chicken. He doesn't know how it works. He's planting eggs in the grounds, planting eggs in the ground to grow chicken trees. He doesn't know what he's doing. He runs across the street to convenience store, which is closing. Uh oh, they won't let him in. So the next scene to the, to literally to the pink Panther theme is him breaking into the community. Not a sound alike to the

pink Panther theme. They bought the pink Panther thing and remand scene is pink Panther theme and he breaks into a convenience store, falls through the ceiling, gets his chicken burrito, falls through the ceiling again, pays for that burrito. He leaves somebody on the counter. The cops are waiting for him outside and he runs past the cops, is tased as he hands the burrito to the girl. Okay. This is a movie about space battleships. We don't know that yet.

Oh, we know his space exists and this guy went to Great Lens to get a burrito. This is still the fun portion of the movie. Yeah, maybe we were taken to the movie with a blindfold on. Not told what movie we were watching. We would think it was called burrito ship. Yeah.

It was about... It was very ethically... Burrito Ship. Yeah. It was Burrito Thief. Burrito Thee, the movie based on the Hasbro board game, Burrito Thee. Archibald Burrito, it's in the third, has his Burrito Safe Wide Open. But you're up against three other Burrito Thee who want to steal that Burrito. I believe that Colonel Mustard Thee,

that Burrito in the convenience store with his hands. Wait, you can get a mustard burrito. Only a Colonel mustard burrito. It's got of corn kernels in it. I mean, that sounds pretty good. It's a lot of starch. It's a lot of starch. The next day his brother says, Taylor Kitchweiss.

His brother Stone. Taylor Kitch wakes up in a bath tub full of ice, which leads me to believe his brother stole his kidney. And his brother, Stonehopper says, that's it, you're a screw up, you're joining me in the Navy. And he goes, oh, cut to the ocean, battleship title. And suddenly it's the Japan versus US Navy soccer game.

Taylor Kitch is cleaned up. He's either the captain of the team or something. And one of the Japanese players kicks him in the face by accident, they get into a fight, and he misses a very easy penalty shot. And you're like, all right, this movie's kind of funny. Proving that he can't handle the pressure of performing in front of a crowd of Japanese people.

Yes, I mean, none of us can't accept gaysias, and they've been trained for that. Yeah. So by this point, you think this is a movie about a screw-up who's joined the Navy, and they're gonna teach him how to be a man. This could be a very fun movie. So you're like, okay, you know what?

This movie sounded stupid. It's based on a board game. I don't expect much, but I'm being entertained. Let's go. All right, movie. Show me what you've got next. And what you've got next is two hours of the most boring movie, maybe ever.

And it is, this is like, you know, an Andy Warhol movie level of boring. There's a brief moment later on that gets exciting when they introduce a bunch of geezers. That's true. Okay. Until that point though. So, we're talking about Elliot. There's a bunch of explosions in that movie. But there's so boring. They're always exciting. No, they're not a parent and that fact robot effects

i'll give you one thing robot so aliens look like the halo to make up to make a long story short aliens got our message they come back everybody repeats over and over again the most basic facts about alien invasions as if you've never seen a movie about alien invasions that like peter burg the, is obsessed with the idea like,

oh, I've seen a million alien invasion movies. I'm gonna do it right this time. So no one will ever have to go back and watch those movies that they've probably already watched. Basically, yeah. So there's a lot of like, there are five shapes coming towards us. I've been working on that impression for a while. Yeah, and Peter Berg impression.

There are five shapes coming towards us. They're in formation. Oh my God, it looks like they're being piloted. They're sending back a message, where from? What are these things? Uh-oh, now they're like, they're alien spaceships. Like, you send out a message back to a space where you sent the message to the first place.

You sent out a message to attract aliens. And now aliens are here and you're like, what's going on? I don't understand. So aliens land One of the ships hits a satellite and crashes and destroys Hong Kong The other ships just start shooting away at Navy boats Sure, why not? We're in the middle of a US Japan joint naval operate exercise the aliens land they seal off a force field around some of the battleships and

Yeah, they just went around this like they off a force field around some of the battleships and hang around for a while. They put this force field dome over it and it seems like they've got no interest in going anywhere. Like they just came down, just hang out in the water, shoot anything that's under this dome, this incredible dome that you guys. Except they somehow get past the force field. Well, the force field seems to change size between small enough to cover three spaceships and a couple of battleships and big enough, or a couple of, I don't know, maybe they're not battleships, maybe they're destroyers, and big enough to cover the island of Oahu, because that's where this relay station is that's shooting messages

into space, and they have these spinning chain wheels that can just kind of roll through anything and cause lots of destruction. But the Navy can't seem to figure out how to get in to stop them even though, I don't know, they must have other ships in the air. Like it's the geography of the whole thing. Yeah, they've got these crazy. They've got these chain wheels that are like, if you took Ghost Rider, the Tasmanian Devil,

and like a robot and mixed them all up together. And a little bit of Pac-Man. Wait, the Tasmanian Devil is in a robot in this world. He's an actual Tasmanian devil. I mean, he's not a robot in the cartoons either. He's not a robot, I know. But how does he do that thing where he spins around and shoots laser beams to people?

No laser beams. He just spins around. You're thinking of the wheel from this movie. Am I thinking of Gizmo Duck? I think you are thinking of Gizmo Duck. When he presses all the buttons at once and goes battle crazy, the ancient... This is blood-printing.

He's a berserker. That's what people don't know about Gizmo Duck. Is he's from a long line of Scandinavian- Where is the bear shirt? What he does, he's very nice. Underneath his armor, he's wearing the bear shirt. Yeah, he becomes more animal than man on the battlefield. So he's more duck than robot. No, he becomes more animal than man on the battlefield. So that's more duck than robot.

No, he's already a duck. They're all ducks. More robot than duck. He don's like a duck animal spirit. Yes. But he's already a duck. I guess it's their ancient ancestor. The spirit of a cave duck gets into him.

Much like that one, those busters episode where they call back Which time of the real goes the real ghost busters. Yes With a callback Winston's ancient African ancestor to defeat a spell or something what you don't remember that one Wow, was that what the boogie man? There's a part. They're going no, it's not I think I think I Woke up a star of our Burton. No, it didn't. All right. But it does. It's interesting because they're going through his past and he turns into a sharecropper very briefly and eventually turns into an African tribesman and it's like, well, they really crammed a lot of the African American experience into this couple seconds of the real ghost festers.

I want to say it's the episode where they're in the museum and natural history and the skeletons come to life, but I don't know that it is. Well, okay. The world may never know. But Jay Michael Strzinski probably wrote that episode. But anyway, so anyway, the aliens want to send a message back to their planet. It's probably along the lines of like, let's blow this place up. Cause we're bad for some reason.

We're bad for some reason. And we, and we periodically attack things and sometimes don't. The, they attack, they get, I don't even remember why they get into a battle with the ships, but during it they kill stone hoppers. There's a couple of ships in the fucking bubble and they blow up two of them and then just forget about the third one. Yeah, and Stonehopper is killed and so his brother,

our star Taylor Kitch, who apparently is the next most senior officer on board becomes captain of the ship. Even though everyone knows he's a hot head screw up, he's a total goofball. And not really a sucker. And not really a sucker. And also the Japanese captain is on the ship with him and they do not get along. And he also is dating the daughter of the Admiral. Played by Liam Neeson, who has basically a cameo.

If you cut together, if you cut together all of Liam Neesnesum scenes I'd be surprised if it was more than six minutes yeah you saw the trailer to battleship you think oh this is a Liam Neeson vehicle yeah this is like Taylor Kessley and me seen that would be the young hot head that would be a Liam Neeson vehicle if I can describe my Liam Neeson vehicle, the Neeson Mobile. Okay. It's like the truck in maximum over drive instead of the Green Govelins face, it's Liam Neeson's face. It also shoots out blades or with a beard or like the gray Liam Neeson beard kind of haggard and it shoots out tiny little cocktail bottles from airplanes like in the gray and it fights wolves like in the gray. He bought cars by really anyway. They bought it when he in the gray. And it fights wolves like in the gray. He bought cars by really anyway.

They bought it when he made the gray. He actually based around the gray, mainly. But there's also the other nieces and stuff in. Like you can change the face in the front, like in dark man. And also it saves Jews like in Shinler's list. The nieces and mobile. All right. The nieces.

The nieces and nieces and mobile. It's a Liam nieces and vehicle. But you would have thought that this was a Liam Neeson joint. They advertise this as starring Liam Neeson and Rihanna. Yeah. And Rihanna has a fairly sizable role. I don't even remember if they say she has a lot a lot of attitude. She's got a lot of sass.

She's a sass mobile. There's a lot of shots of her like reacting to things with water on her face. It's because they're all getting wet because they're in the ocean. Oh, that makes sense. So anyway, this one really like the Japanese guys, he's like the second lead in this film. He's the hero of the movie. Yeah, I mean, he's the competent one.

He's so basically this rag tag, there's just like big trouble in little China. Exactly. There's two rag tag crews. Big trouble in low Hawaii. I mean, yeah, I guess it's not on the big island. So it is a lot of uh... there's two ragtag crews that have to save the world one is

taylor kitch riana some other guy from pride and i'd like to that i didn't recognize jesse plimms and later you know and captain the god of who's a japanese guy uh... and the other ragtag crew is brooklyn decker playing uh... that was yes kind of a busty blonde busty blonde playing taylor kitch that was? Yeah, some kind of a busty blonde a busty blonde playing Taylor Kitches girlfriend

Who's also the daughter of Liam Neeson a double amputee army veteran played by a real double amputee army veteran? So show some fucking respect guys, please I okay and a and a very irritating like overly neurotic nerd computer scientist Space nerd who works a gold bloom type except like Jeff Goldble about the sexiness Jeff Goldble To the power of Jay Barrishell, okay, right and he and they have to stop the aliens from sending out a message These two rag tag crews each have their thing now the aliens blow us blow stuff up by shooting bombs They look like giant pegs and then stick into the ships and blow them up. That's one of the two That wise we've something like a game that wants played. What was the name of that game?

Snakes and Ladders. No, it wasn't Snakes and Ladders. It wasn't Mousetrap either, because that game sucked. It wasn't Mousetrap. It was a different sucky game. Pribidge, that has pegs. That's no, not Pribidge and not a fellow. Was that a peg you do in Cracker Barrel?

No, that was the jump-thug thing. No, it wasn't Mastermind. that's another game with pegs. Okay. It wasn't life free, but the pegs in your car. Married with children board game with pegbundi. No, it wasn't. It's like a trivia game or yeah. I have to assume so.

You get a extra bonus whenever you hear no man's name before go. No man. Yeah, you know, no man is organization. He turned into a church that one time so didn't have to pay taxes on it. All right. What does it stand for a steward? Not a reminder. You have defeated the quiz master. The rare double blow. Answer me. These questions three about married with children. Warning, I don't know the answer is that's why I'm asking you. about married with children. Warning, I don't know the answer,

is that's why I'm asking you. Trying to fill out this questionnaire. That's married to the children questionnaire. So anyway, the other thing that's like battleship is that eventually after a ton of boring explosions and a lot of yelling were revealed what the aliens look like, which is they look like just dudes.

They look like humans with weird like, seeing eminies, so they're like a space beard. They love space beards that basically look like a bunch of They look like humans with weird like, seeing him and he's like, they love spacebeards. They love spacebeards that basically look like a bunch of toothpicks are stuck in their chin. They have four fingers on their hands and they have eyes like a lizard. And one of the guys on the ship notices

he has a pet lizard and that pet lizard doesn't like sunlight very much. So I guess aliens don't like sunlight either. So that's a weakness they learn. It's great logic. But they basically just dress up like armor like the guys in the Halo video game There's the least imaginative alien design you could think of and I'm sure they spent hours designing it Much like the aliens in Cowboys and aliens which they spent hours designing but looked incredibly boring

a lot of boring explosions so The other thing that's like the game battleship and and this is where Captain the God are really shines, is instead of using their radar, because the alien ships don't show up on radar, because of their bullshit technology, that is really great until the ships need to lose at the end, and it stops being a powerful. They use the frequency of different like what, like electro radio boys in the water, and they see where they're like anti-Sunami, like, weather boy. Is that what they are? And they look at where there are blank shapes

where the ships are distorting the electromagnetic field. And then they go, a 12. Basically, they're like Romeo, 29. And then they fire a torpedo. And if it hits, they go, hit. And if it doesn't, they go, miss. And this goes on for probably like seven minutes But it feels like it's an hour. There's a lot of people shots of people looking at screens a lot of yeah and Rihanna looking at screens

Especially but like if there was ever a game man I get watched Rihanna look at a phone book. All right guys. Yeah Really it sounds boring. I got to tell you battleship is a boring game. Hello pages White pages blue pages That's all the pages Battleship is a boring game to play but is an especially boring game to watch someone Oh, well gloves come off gloves come off. I've never liked battleship. It's boring game It's basically the game is basically guests of numbers

The only way to make the game interesting is if you cheat by moving your ships between turns or having the ships so they hang off the board a little bit, so there's part of them that's not within the field of play. Only way to make it interesting. So watching these people basically play battleship is super boring, but they blow up a bunch of the alien spaceships because we've reached that. This is about an hour and forty minutes since the movie where it's like okay, the humans need to start winning so the aliens need to stop being invincible and start being total pushovers.

For some reason we can blow them up now. Yeah, to the point that these aliens that have crazy like rotating metal blades on their hands can be beaten up by a man with no legs. And that's something that happens. A damn beauty gets to do a fist fight with an alien. Yeah. And that's something that happens. Bullets. Bullets. And P.T. gets to do a fist fight with an alien. And it wears out.

It's not crazy. Yeah, slow motion knocks his T that. Bullets. They have the same teeth as us. Bullets, which so far have you, they do the same teeth as us. That's a good question. We're not so different, you and I, you know. Well, if we get a bonded over our teeth and then beards.

Yeah, well, we, our beards are different though. They have toothpick beards. We have hair beards. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, you're right Bullets which didn't seem to affect the alien ships before now do a ton of damage to them, but I skipped over So they and then their ship gets blown up right they give way their position their ship gets blown up They've got after they like smoke three alien ships. Yeah They've got to find a new ship

Where do they find this ship? Well in the beginning Oh, we saw Liam Neeson commemorate a former World War II or Korean War era battleship as a muses floating museum It's time to go to the USS Missouri. So they go there, but they don't know how to this ship is 60 70 years old They don't know how to use it. There's no computers on it. How are they gonna learn to shoot this ship? Step one, turn on some ACDC. Step one, turn on the funder's truck by ACDC. There's already probably some old fucking veterans hanging around. Because what else do they get?

Well, you're in luck. There are so many old veterans in this ship. They are about like they're haunting. There's suddenly, he looks up and suddenly there's just like old veterans hanging around the ship, like the birds on the playground in the birds It's like are they ghosts? So what happened and then a big crew of veterans walks up I must have missed the part where they sent out an all APB all alert to call in Navy veterans because they're just suddenly there We heard there's some aliens neither as this kicked or it's like somebody somebody pulled off the

Tinfoil from a buffet and all these guys come wander enough. They heard that Danny's was starting 30 minutes early for the early bird. Or I missed the line in the beginning with it like, now this battleship instead of fighting for war will be a museum of peace. And also housing for all these homeless navy veterans

because they're just there hanging around. And luckily, despite the fact that they brought some, I guess like toys or like video, what the fuck they bring, like a crane where you can grab out what? There's like carnival games on the shelf because they've turned into music. They do not in any way remove all of the exploding munitions.

They left all that. This was now a public place to go to, but it's still full of active shells. A whole lot of ammunition. Live ammo. I mean, what are you gonna do with it? You can't just toss it in the water anymore. No, of course.

That's against the law. Don't sharks get pissed. Can't shoot it into space, because the aliens will find it, they'll use it against you. Yeah. You can't eat it, it's not edible. Can't give it away as gifts, it's dangerous.

Leave it, leave it be. Just leave it on the boat. Leave it there for anyone to hit it with a hammer. Leave it for the old specters to play with. And so they retro they refit this ship in about 30 seconds. So you like grizzly like grizzly faces, you like mustaches. This is the movie for you. And this was the this was the one moment after the soccer game and the wrote and the giant metal wheel that just burst through things.

That this suddenly was like, all right, this is a goofy movie. And here's some fun. It's just like a lot of old, it's basically like Navy Cowboys, you know? Old people who have to come out of retirement to save the world, to fight aliens. And like, have there been any old people

versus aliens movies there have to have been, right? There's old people, I mean, I mean, it's his friend, his friend. I mean, yeah. And Bubba Hotep is old people versus a mummy. Yeah. I mean, mummies could be from outer space though. I mean, I don't think that's Stargate.

Yeah, that's the thing, dude. He's probably a Guaul. That's true. He's probably, yeah, that's so any way. Guaul, that's what they're called. What's space, mummies? Yes, there's space, there's probably yeah that's So anyway, well that's what they call what space mommies. Yes, there's a space Bommies What is it see if the movie is Mars Mars needs mummies? I think we would have been eager to help them Mars needs moms We need those moms Mars needs mommy's we just got these dusty mommies

I just do your breath do whatever you want grind them up to make a for DZ. I Chris something. I don't know Mars Do what you want, grind them up to make a for DZI or something. I don't know Mars. Do what you want. So many mummy decks. Look, we don't need them opening their mouths and having hordes of bees or whatever come out. Let's just send them to Mars. You're scared of beetles, dude. Well, whatever they are, Mars could use them for something. I don't know. Grind them up into a for DZI powder. That's all I know what to do with them. No, I do that with a mummy deck, dude. So what do you do with the rest of the mummy? Shoot up to Mars. Mars needs mummies. Battleship. Scouring heads. Scouring heads. If we're lucky, if we're lucky, they're wrapped in random lines from like a missing Aristophanes classic. Yeah. You know, maybe if we're lucky, but otherwise send it to Mars, dude. Just put it on a rover, ship it up there. Yeah. And it's baby.

Get some good shots of him driving the rover around. It's hilarious. Talk about seven minutes of terror. Mommy, a loose on the surface of Mars. There's a movie, Mars, Mommy. Point is, at the end, Taylorkicks all of a sudden understands how to be an army guy. Navy. Yeah, I would not make that mistake. They do not like it. They play a football game against each other every year and they act as if they're going to kill each other. And he but he becomes a great he harnesses the intelligence and the

whiliness that have so far been hidden under layers of goofball screw up in this and manages to outsmart the aliens. He uses these old armaments to blow them up because I guess the lesson is the Navy stopped making good stuff a while back and now has just a lot of weak stuff. And also that I guess these alien ships degrade rapidly when they're on the planet because they fight this giant ship in the end and like they destroy it. They just yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It starts to just like it shoots their ship once and they're like, oh, whatever. They also they blow up the array, which leaves them vulnerable by them. They've gotten rid of the force field. Yeah. And there are other other red other

rag tag group has so far failed to do anything. But they they use the last they use the last shell on the ship to blow up the satellite array. This knocks out the force field somehow, even though the force field was independent of the satellite array earlier. And the fighter and uh... lia mea's and gets get all these jets in the air and the fighter jet save them now they they're already knocked out the force and i think they know they're a look they blow up so many satellite issues i don't remember and the jv squad which was brooklyn decker the guy with that legs and the annoying guy yeah

they did do something they mentioned knock the teeth out of one alien. They delayed. They delayed one alien from doing nothing. The rest of the guys were like, fuck it, let's just keep working. It's just keep working. Look, we gotta quote it a meat. We got the blades on our arms.

They're probably gonna fuck those guys up. That guy was always a dick. Let's let him get his teeth knocked out. He's so proud of his perfect teeth. Let's let that guy knock his teeth out. You know what? I'm tired of hearing people are. Let's let that guy knock his teeth out. You know what? I'm tired of hearing people. I'm just tired of hearing Gleeve Glor brag about his face teeth.

We get it. He's got beautiful choppers. Not so pretty now. Are they Gleeve Glor? Have a taste of your own medicine. Two-thousand. Yeah. Yeah, these shaved monkeys really knock their shit out of your teeth.

But I wanted to mention that Taylor Kitch and the Japanese guy used sniper rifles to shoot out the windows of the command deck, the alien ship, and the sunlight blinds them, blinds the aliens. Which one's things where it's like, wow, that's base glass. It's pretty weak. So it made it through the atmosphere, I guess, okay, but you can shoot it out with a regular sniper. There's regular sheets of glass there.

I guess it's a pearly tinted glass, because that's how they shoot it out and then they can kill and vampire stuff. Well, they are because their helmets have tinted glass. They establish it. But I guess it's a, and they also don't, they don't want your glass.

People outside seeing them inside. Oh, yeah, they could be having sex and they'd come on. Oh, yeah, probably. That's what you do in tinted glass cars, right? Yeah, well, they do with their spacebeards. Yeah, they rub spacebeards together. Sure. So they've saved the day. We've learned the value of a lesson that America makes is over like super fast, right? Yes. All of this after a bunch of fucking delay.

Well, after, yeah, after it takes a while to two hours of nonsense. Well, they, oh, that's what they blow up the last ship. And that's, it's over. Yeah, it just cuts to metal ceremony. Yep. Chubacca's- Chubacca, finally, it's metal. Artistic.

Artistic to, you know, rocks back and forth again. We've learned the valuable lesson that Americans and Japanese people can work together. We don't have to be enemies. Even though the movie opens with a joint US Japanese Navy exercise, it takes the main characters to home with you to realize, you know what? You mean Rimpac?

Rimpac, yeah. The specific rim command. Rimpac. Rimpac. If finally the character's the annual, you know what, we're not so different when you compare us to aliens. Well, you have human teeth.

And the aliens are pretty similar, except for their weird hands and their eyeballs. Yeah, I mean, they're really boring. They just look like old men. They're sea urchin beards. And they're sea urchin beards. Yeah. You have to mention space beards. They get medals.

He gets, they give a shout out to Stone Hopper for dying in the line of duty. No mention is made. That's what we made his name. No mention is made of all the other people who died in the line of duty. They're not cool. You think those guys have a cool name like Stone Hopper.

Yeah, Taylor Kitch Hopper gets the silver star. And finally, this is the moment. All the movie, he's been trying to work up the courage to ask Liam Neeson for his daughter's hand in marriage, but he keeps screwing the moment up. Finally, and he gets the courage. Now's the time, surely, as the savior of the human race.

He's just saved the world from aliens. And he says, I'd like to ask permission to marry your daughter, which is not how you do it. I don't know if you guys called up your wife's father. I did not use the word permission. I said, I'd like to request your daughter's hand in marriage and my father-in-law said, well, what would you do if I said no?

And I said, probably marry her anyway. And he had a hearty laugh. And you said that and then little match on your cheek. Little match. Through the background, guess station exploded. I walked away slowly. But he and then Liam Neeson says, no. And then they have a laugh about it

and they go off to eat a chicken burrito. Remember that? Call back. Then there's the end credits and then there's a post, there's a post credits scene where some kids in Scotland find a big lump of space junk and they burn it open and then an alien hand comes out the end. Yeah.

And it takes. Oh, so that alien, that alien junk turns out that there's an actual alien in it that we kind of assumed as soon as we saw it there. Yes. And we're supposed to be scared that one alien is there, even though thousands of aliens it seems, or these dozens have just been destroyed. Yeah. And the one guy without legs totally fucked up

that one alien. Yeah, and that was like a big like a boss alien. Yeah, that was a, it was like a whole game boss, but definitely like a level boss. Yeah, exactly. So Stuart, what made this movie so amazing? I will say there was one, there were a couple lines I liked it at one line at the, they're talking

about the art of war and Taylor could just like, I read that, doesn't make any sense. Attack your enemy worries. Not, how do you explain that? And Captain Nagata goes, that's Chinese book, not Japanese. And at the end, he does a stupid trick on the aliens and he goes, attack the enemy where they're not. I get it, it's suddenly it just clicked.

And Captain Nagata says, that's not what that means. That's completely different. And he goes, what? And we're like, really? And that's the end of that scene. But anyway, you're saying Stuart, what made the movie amazing? Yeah, I don't know, man.

I don't know, man. The whole time you're on the edge of your scene. I was clapping my hands. She's hearing going, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of good. I like the part where they show that they fished an alien, a dead alien body out of the ocean. And they're looking at it for a while.

And then the alien, they don't know a while. It's alive. And it starts to press on with them. And then the wall explodes and a bunch aliens show up, take their buddy and just leave. Just that. I mean, like that leads into an interesting, you never leave an alien behind. Yeah, there's like a middle part of the movie. I like to hear their story. Alien team six or whatever. Alien team, G gorg. There's a whole like middle section of the movie where the aliens have decided that Taylor Kitch's battleship is not worth fucking with. Yeah, they they target it and then he like turns the ship around.

Yeah, he turns the ship around like turns the guns off or whatever and they're like, okay, well not a threat anymore. But then later on they like send in like individual aliens to cause chaos on his ship. Like why not just shoot the fucker down if you're going to do with him. It's a game of cat and alien because alien and mouse. But also the I think cat and alien aliens aliens eat cats, right? Yeah, I'll do that's true. Good point.

Very good point. Can you are you not familiar with Gordon Shumway the alien life? Yeah, alien. Oh, that makes sense. We'll talk about that later. The cat eating rock and roll loving party animal alien. Whose alcoholism was so harsh in the first season that they dialed it back for later episodes.

It's like a book, like a series of novels. It's like a book you watch on television. We call it a television show. Oh, okay. It's on nowadays, right? On lifetime? No, it's been off the air for about 20 years. On lifetime, it is it's been off the air for about 20 years. Lifetime.

It is a story for women. That's on what the oxygen network? It's a battle. It's about an abusive alien husband. It's called the Burning Bed on the Spaceship. Mother and May I sleep with alien? It's an ancient aliens. So the aliens, when they look at things, they have kind of like a terminator targeting array that

differentiates between organic and non-organic materials because they'll look at a person and they'll see it has eyes, it has that heart, lungs, not with our trouble. Then it'll look at like a wall or a wire and that will come up red on the display and they're like, we'll attack that. Yeah, the spinning deathballs do that. Yeah, it didn't attack people, but it would attack guns, cars, helicopters, highway ramps. I like the bit where the spinning death ball, it looks like it just barely misses the helicopter and then it lashes out its chain tail

and rips the helicopter in half. And then it pauses just long enough to like wink at the camera before driving off to kill more shit. That chain ball had more personality than most of the characters in the movie. I'm telling you, man, Taylor, but that guy was a veteran of, you know, wars, man, you got to be. No, the other guy, the guy that you're making fun of, the guy without his legs. He's a veteran. He had personality. I'm not talking about him.

I don't know. I'm talking about like here, the personality. I'm not talking about him. I don't know. I'm talking about like here the personality. Well, Rihanna. I mean, she's out of her element here. Well, here's the thing. She's normally a singer. She's normally on the island. She's finding aliens. And that's true. It's not a real work. It's rarely that a singer gets to do that. Basically, Debbie Gibson and Pat Menotar and that's it. David Bowie was an alien. Yeah, they were the alien. That was the alien they were fighting. So I guess maybe he was, I mean, to him humans are aliens and he was always fighting humans right yet that's true blazer he and out he was a spider from Mars he came to earth to get mommies

okay we thought he was saying mommies we don't want to give up our moms now we send him packing then he did a terrible dance in the streets cover with that crazy video with mcjager and all makes sense now the pieces are falling into place. Uh, and then he turned it to Tilda Swinton. Now, here's the, the other thing about this movie. Something we were talking about during, while watching it was that the movie aliens,

Jim Cameron's aliens, great movie, uh, does such a good job of introducing these military characters, giving them character that is both down to earth and believable, also interesting and charismatic, and then setting them up to fight aliens. They try to do that in this movie, and they fail so totally, and I can't put my finger on why exactly they fail. And they take a million years to do it.

Yeah, and it takes forever to set these guys up. Why, Dan, why do you think they fit? Why do you think these characters come alive? I do not know, but I will say like they do, you're right in that they spend 40 minutes in this movie before Alien Show Up. And it's not like, this is not, you know, building suspense. This is not careful world building 40 minutes. Like, oh, when these aliens show up, it's going blow the audience's mind. This is 40 minutes wasted on thief-ring burritos and soccer games.

That is part. No, it's not, it's not telling you anything about this character. If it's getting informed, the rest of them. Explosions in the background are a little bit more. It would have been much better. It was called burrito thief based on the game.

It would have been much better. But that's the thing is, the scenes that come to life in this movie are the scenes that are so inessential that if they got cut, you really wouldn't notice. But except the movie would be less enjoyable. But like, they take so long to explain the concept of aliens attacking Earth, something that they've been making movies about for, I mean, it's been in a staple of literature for 100 years, at least, when did war the worlds come out, you know? It's one of those big ensemble action movies where they have all these characters and they

need to make sure that all these characters have about one or two, like five or ten minute character moments to lead up to them, I guess, fighting an alien. Dying or not dying, basically. And it just makes it, like, it just becomes so bloated and unnecessary. That's how that's how it reaches two hours and 11 minutes. But even those character moments are usually just kind of like there are two types, either characters a total goof or they're really sassy. Yeah. And that's about it.

No, I mean, they're not actual character moments. It's not like we're watching fucking USA or something. We're characters. We're welcome. Welcome. Yeah. We're watching a guy like berate his coworker for not giving him information in the fashion that he likes that are something like. Yeah. It's not important. They could cut the scene out. Yeah, I think we should move on to our final judgments on this movie,

whether it was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, a movie we kind of liked. I think we'd have to say move it. Movie, kind of like. Need first. Obviously. Four stars out of a hundred. Okay. No, it's a movie that. I'm the usual rating system.

I'm going to this movie. It was like, did I have any hope I was going to like it? No, of course not. It's battleship the movie. It's another stupid alien invasion movie. I like alien stories. This one looked no good. But.

The first. Look no good. The first couple scenes had the promise that it could be a good bad movie because it was like silly. It didn't take itself too seriously. The characters did crazy stuff. And then it just went downhill and became so dull. So I'm going to have to say bad bad movie.

Sorry, Peter Berg. What about you, Stu? Yeah, I'll agree with you. I think if they had chopped about an hour or an hour. They chopped two hours out of the smoothie. It's, I mean, it has the problem that a lot of these big movies have where just there's this huge middle section that doesn't like the action sequences don't make up for it. I think if they-

It's the same problem that we had with Cowboys and Aliens, right? Yeah. If they had cut- Let's get this serious, guys. This is Cowboys and Aliens bad, right? Yeah, yeah. Which is not which it means Had potential but didn't didn't live up to it and was boring because this had a ton of potential It's a great game. Well, it's a huge sell-in

Here's the potential that battleship had it's been a long time since we've seen a naval warfare movie I would say when was last time they really did one that was not a pirate movie 2030 years. Yeah. At least. Easy. It would be a lot of fun to see like a really well-made World War Two naval battle movie. Or even a modern day naval battle movie. But instead they had to bring aliens in shit into it and transforming stuff because they're working off of that Transformers template that is currently ruining the Teenage Mutant Inch Turtles movie. Well, we speak in production now. Absolutely.

But we're in pre-production. But it's just like, why? Alien Turtles, no thank you. But it definitely could have lost at least 30 minutes out of the movie. Cowboys and aliens could have lost like 20, 25. This could have lost anywhere from 30 to 40, you know. Yeah, I would say that if this movie was only the first 40 minutes in the last 20, it might be a good bad movie.

I mean, then it would be an hour long. Yeah, and that would be a great link for this story. Perfect. But otherwise, yeah, it was a bad bad movie. It bored me. Yeah, just make it into an episode of Amazing Stories. There's a lot of money in that, right? No.

High budget, amazing stories of cents. Amazing stories, episodes that cost $200 million each. Before we get into letters, I think that we should maybe briefly get into the big announcement that's coming up in the flopped floor. Is it time to make that announcement? I think we're clear to at least make reference to it. Well, you're the boss. So our big announcement is we're doing a live show

next week, not Williamsburg. That is a big announcement though. September 19th, we are doing a live discussion show. We won't be screening a movie, but we're doing a panel within coordination and also appearing on the panel. Xenia and Matt, if I love bad movies, our favorite scene.

Yeah. And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... And you're gonna... free assembly in Williamsburg. Yeah, if you go to www.plophousepodcast.com,

there's links, I feel it. And it is a free event, right? Yeah, it's totally free. And we're gonna be doing another. 21 plus guys, 21 plus only, because they serve beer. All right, 21 plus only get tricked into oogling the wrong girls. No, I'm not gonna go all the wrong, but I just don't, I would, he doesn't want to get tricked into sleeping with them.

Yeah. She told me she was 21 plus. Some kind of a gas lighting They trick him out of his in here, and we are gonna do a screening later in the year, too Yes, we will announce that now, but because this is made way through September and there's a big announcement of this launch October 1st. Oh, we should wait till October 1st then. Yeah, that makes sense But but once that happens, we can't edit this out. Yeah, but if we're this may be something to edit out, if we're part

of a thing and they're announcing in October 1st, they might not want us to step on their announcement, maybe let's get in touch with them and see if it's okay to announce it ahead of time because we're recording again in a week after next. All right. Well, there's a mysterious thing. I think you could probably cut all this section out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Well, we will have a big announcement that's in coordination with some other folks, so we're going to check with them and see if it's okay to announce it yet, but we do have a big announcement coming up. And it's not.

And it's not. That's right. So, Wellington is getting married. But it's also exciting. It's it's it's it's it isn't exciting announcement. But until then tied yourself over on September 19th with our discussion show at Public Assembly in Williamsburg. Where we won't be talking about our big announcement. Where we won't be talking about our big announcement.

We will be having fun with you, the listener. So now it's time to move on to the Flockhouse mailbag. This is the part where we read letters that you send us in and make fun of you, maybe. Normally, I would sing a song about it, but we're running out of time, so let's do this thing. So this one's titled, Name Dropping for Fun and Profit,

and it's from Patrick last name withheld. Oh, we're not gonna drop that name, huh, Patrick? He says, dear floppers, I can't help noticing the value you all placed on Name Dropping. For instance, Elliot can't stop talking about his high school girlfriend, Anne Hathaway. I never talk about her, was not my girlfriend. So I think it's only appropriate that I do a hard-knocking in order to get a mention on a

podcast with upwards of hundreds of listeners we have plenty of listeners I'll especially prepare to meet your heart out each your hard-hout I am the grandson of mildly famous actor Eddie Bracken oh I'm a big fan of Eddie Bracken that Eddie Bracken yeah the miracle of Morgan's Greek, Hale the Hawk conquering hero, and most importantly, not most importantly, National Amputance Vacation. I saw him on stage in a production of Carousel at the Papal Real Playhouse years ago.

I was very excited. I'm a big fan of Eddie Bracken. Nice to meet you, Patrick Bracken. Maybe. I'm sure you're interested in the hours of in-depth behind the scenes. He is, you know what? He lived in New Jersey not far from whenever I grew up and I kick myself all the time that I was too old.

I wasn't until I was, when I was old enough to think of like going and trying to get in touch with him, he was too old and he had passed away at that point. But sad really, I wish I got into no Eddie Bracken. Well, you were about to through the miracle of this email. The miracle of this Morgan's Creek email? He says, I'm sure you're interested in the hours of in-depth. Behind the scenes, anecdotes, I could share. Yeah.

Unfortunately, I was foolishly more interested in proving to my grandfather than I loved him for who he was, not for his profession. So I failed to ask him much about his Hollywood life. There are, however, some tidbits I can share with you. That was a weird moment. I'm sure you'll find these fascinating. Number one, Judy Garland was not always sober. Number two, Mickey Rooney was kind of a womanizer. Number three, Betty Davis was a bitch. You're welcome, flappers. Keep up the great weight. Wait a minute. So there you go. So Eddie Braken told you the most famous things about those people. Is it possible he didn't know anything that Eddie Braken didn't know any Eddie Braken stories?

I don't think he's actually related to Eddie Braken. He just looked on the internet for a while. I'd be so I would be so feel so betrayed if someone claimed to be Eddie Braken's grandson and was not. I'm such a big Eddie Braken fan. trade. If someone claimed to be Eddie Braggin's grandson and was not, I'm such a big Eddie Braggin fan. So you should, if you're, you're snacking on Braggin. That was, that was when he came out with the Braggin bar. It was, it was chocolate around peanut. And then there was some of his own skin in the center. Oh, it's delicious. And that would came out around World War II when Nougat was really highly rationed. They couldn't get Nougat's there, placed it with Eddie Bracken's skin cells.

It was the Bracken bar and he would say, you're snacking on Bracken. Who do you say that to? Just people in the street? I've advertised. You know, it was newsreels or people in the streets. Sure, I mean, that's pretty advertising. He did live on Cannibal Island, so he could say that to people there too. Is that New Jersey? Yes, Cannibal Island. It's not actually an island.

of people there too. Is that New Jersey? Yes, Cannibal Island. It's not actually an island. So Eddie Bracken, this one is titled, what are you guys doing? It's from David Lester. Come on, Einstein. Real observatory. And next letter. Way to observe reality, Sir Francis Bacon. This one's from David Lester, he says says it's not my brother is it dear eloquent Elliott salacious stew and dashing Dan I was relisting to some older episodes of the flop house and I noticed a disturbing trend over the past few years lately when you need a guest host Dan or Elliott grab another writer from the daily show and bring them on for the podcast but it's a different writer every time. None of them seems willing or able to return for a second guest.

They don't want to get out of it. Are the movies just too much for them? Is Dan's apartment such a horror show that they won't return? Yes. Are you guys driving them off with your obscene behavior and texito speedos? Possibly. Or is there something more sinister occurring as you work your way through Daily Show writers one by one.

That's from David last name with. So is he implying that we are murdering my co-workers? Like a body snatcher thing. Body snatchers. Yeah, they're coming over and we're like turning them into fucking mummies or something and sending them back out. And we're keeping their original bodies. I don't know for food or something. Well, it makes sense to me. Officers arrest us.

I mean, we, I don't know, we like to mix it up, you know. Yeah, the, the, the simple answer is we try and cast a wide net. Yeah. I mean, not everyone wants to come and watch a bad movie and then talk about it more than once. And also, there's, I mean, it's a week now. It's like a school night. It's usually a weeknight, and we've been trying to schedule it lately, so all three of us are available,

so we don't have to get subs. Yeah, not to get into like the boring, like, actual nuts and bolts. Too late, not. You asked for it, David. Here's the not joke answer, which is number one that we have had repeat people. We had juvenile twice.

And number two, we've asked people on as a repeat person we ask how they back but she's been busy be other people of life so not just raring to go for the flop house mhm me I'm raring it's do it's always raring to go whether it's to go to the flop house or go to the park we're actually taking the vet thanks is going to the park hey stew shake it in your thanks he's going to the park. Hey Stu, shake it your leash.

Okay, where we going? Oh, the park. That's cool. Actually the vet. Should I bring my bag of toys with me? No, but bring your rectum and make sure it's thermometer of oval. Okay, oh, get some baby wipes and clean it out. He's going to the vet.

Anyway, Dan, you're saying a little bit of improv comedy for you Dan. We did that one for you Sorry, who's line is the name of guys Give us another suggestion Dan so we get improv a scene of it Okay, well this suggestion is titled boring. Oh, so they must they saw battleship too boom Yeah, that's a high five for you guys. Take that. Take that. The thousands of people who worked on battleship. This one's from Joel last name withheld. And he says, Hi, floppers, I've enjoyed listening to the podcast. I've observed that your final judgments can be pulled down to one criterion. If it's boring, it's bad. A movie

can be an epipodid and insultingly directed and the actors can be either wooden or Nick Keijian and you guys will give it a pass or at least consider it. But if there's a moment of dullness in the approximately 82 minute running time, that's the kiss of death. This thing was 132 minutes. Not that I disagree. A boring movie usually does suck. I'm just pointing out that your final judgment is really, is this boring? Which leads me to my movie nerd-cashed question. Can you name some dull movies that you actually like?

I had holed up things like Bergman's Winter Light or the Passion of Joan of Arc as films that are objectively dull, but I liked them a lot. On a wholly unrelated note, have any of you seen Tucker and Dale versus Evil or Rare film that's a horror comedy satire that's genuinely funny unless the second question first I saw that movie Enjoyed it not quite as much as I would like but it's a Really like to enjoy the Yeah, Dan hates to not enjoy stuff he hates sighing podcast It's not anything. It's how much I like to enjoy stuff.

I haven't seen that yet, but I'd like to. It's on my Netflix queue. So, dull movies. Like what, like, space balls or... I think there are definitely dull movies that I, I mean, I enjoy a lot of the Kraymaster movies, which are deathly dull. Those are incredibly boring, but interesting. I mean, but that's the question.

Like, there's different, I's even dull and slow, like, or dull and uneventful. There is, but those movies and many times are boring. But it's, there's a kind of boring movie that accumulates over time to the point where, even if it's dull for a moment, the end result is, you feel like you've experienced something. Tree of Life, for instance, was a movie I enjoy a lot.

And there were a lot of moments in it that I thought were incredibly powerful. But there are other also moments that felt necessary to the movie that were very boring. And at the end of the movie, I felt like I had been through this experience, but there were definitely points during it where I found it dull, but dull for a reason. But then there are movies like Battleship,

where it's both boring and at the end of it, I have gained nothing. But I mean, there's like a certain... Deliverateness to movies that doesn't necessarily mean dullness, like it means that they are... No, yeah, but sometimes it means it's dull. Okay. I would argue, I guess, with the point of there's a slowness that can be, you know, like, it's not exciting, but you understand what the movie's doing,

like why that is happening. Yeah. Like, I don't know, like people talk about it. Like, dull versus deliberate. Well, yeah, exactly. We can't spell deliberate without dull. Oh, like you're like dull, deliberate. Like, like Tokyo story by Ozu, for instance,

is like an acknowledged classic that is a slow movie where not a lot happens in the traditional plot sense. No, it's built up of incident. I guess that's true. But, uh, like he mentioned Passion of Joan of Arc, which I do not find dull at all. Like, that's an exciting movie to me. This woman is in constant anxiety and trauma through the whole movie. And then, you know, she gets burned to death in the end, spoiler alert. They don't save Joan of Arc at the end of the movie. Well, that's too bad. But I think that when we talk about Donas, often what we're talking about, when we talk

about Donas is we're watching a movie that is making no interesting choices throughout the film, like it is making at every step the choice that we have seen in other movies before. Maybe, yeah. That's a factor to it. I mean, just taking like battleship today as a case study, like the stuff we liked at the beginning, we enjoyed just because it was unexpected. We did not expect that it'd be a lot about stealing a chicken burrito at the beginning of an intergalactic war movie. And then in the middle of the movie, it was just so much of explosions and there was no reason to sympathize with any of the characters, like nothing.

There was only the most perfunctory personality building of all that. So it was just like, okay, well, this is one choice after another. I've seen in Alien Invasion movies before. And maybe if I was watching this movie in 1930, I'd be thrilled. But now... Well, you'd just be amazing movies in color. Yeah. All those special effects.

You've just seen it. 1930, King Kong isn't even out yet. 1930, you would be amazed that hip hop, R&B star Rihanna is starring in a movie. Really? She's moving into film, huh? Not that umbrella song. Umbra-la-la-la-la. My umbrella.

Yep. Hit star Rihanna. That's my 1930s guy who's a fan of Rihanna. Oh, that's what you were doing, that's one of the sounds. She's my favorite Negroes singer. It's the 30s, they're racist then. Yeah, no, I'm uncomfortable. Yeah, I don't know.

I like slow movies, but yeah, I think you're right. There's a difference between slow and dull. I think there is, but sometimes movies are dull, but not always. And a lot of the ones we watch are dull. But the ones we watch are dull in the bad way, yeah. Like, battleship is not necessarily a slow movie. There's always something happening.

There's always something happening. The camera's always cutting. There's always explosions or guys giving one liners. The soundtrack keeps changing. They play most of the song Thunderstruck, which is an exciting song. But it's put together in a boring way. But that's why I argue that Dolmos is actually an uninteresting choice being made. Like, if something, if we're seeing something new on screen,

something that is not the tip, like if someone acts unexpected and human. You've become disincentive. Yeah, I have. I've seen so many movies that like everything seems so diagrammatic. And doll to me means like, okay, this is just like fucking, this is a spare parts movie. They went to the junkyard of movies and they put together a bunch of pieces.

I think I saw that when I watched real steel. I guess, but they're still, there's still movies that I've seen where they make interest. They make not the choices I would expect, but it's still boring. Well, like days of heaven is a movie like that where it's the choice for most Directors would be to focus on the story Whereas his choice there is to pay his little attention to the plot of his movie as possible The plot's still going on in the background, but he's not interested and it's beautiful, but it's very boring Whereas I would argue that Days of Heaven is not boring. Well, I find it so boring. I like that movie. I'm not a fan. Yeah, no it's dark about But it's movie What is it a movie? Days of Thunder? What? Let's move on. In that case to our final

or not final judgments are we just did that. We all said great, great movie. We all loved it. We said, we said, we said, we said, we said, best picture, battleship. This is the second runner up, Norbit again came out years years ago Well, we just keep voting for it. I guess number three meat Dave and number four a thousand words Eddie Murphy has swept all over the top spot This is the part of the podcast where we talk about movies that we've seen that we would recommend that we genuinely liked in some way Stewart what do you have to say for yourself? Bump, bump, bump. Well, the other day guys, I was watching a movie about robots fighting.

It was called a robot jox. It was called a robot jox. I'm recommending robot jox. Everybody's steward gourd's robot jox. I'm amazing. I'm recommending robot jox. Telegraph that one under. Okay, go, Elliot.

Yeah, there's nothing you're gonna say about it. That's what I was saying. Why are you recommending robots? So good about robot jokes other than robots fighting, which is a pretty convincing. I'm pretty great. Except we just saw a movie that at its basic core was people fighting robots. There are aliens where they look like robots. Yeah, but I didn't recommend that one.

I'm recommending this one. So, but I'm just saying. They should take it on the strength of my recommendation alone. I mean, there's already been a lot of. I've never tried to anybody ever controversy about some of your recommendations. Fine, who gives a shit watch Castle Free day Okay, so summarize watch one of two different Stewart Gordon movies other robot

jocks, which was his big budget smash either Robert Joggs right Yeah, it was that was a Castle friend a non big budget non smash yeah, robot jocks probably bigger budget than he's used to working with yeah As Elliott alluded to earlier in the podcast We've been on the road for two weeks. Yep. Just live in life chasing the American dream. No Not doing that just going through town solving people's problems. Working for, you know, 12 hours. Like quantum leap. Just, yeah, like quantum leap. Like a lot of, uh, if you were traveling in space, not time. We were mostly being in hotels and then being in big rooms, uh, cement rooms,

writing and then being back in hotels. Yeah, watching speeches by politicians. Yeah, so I haven't had a lot of chance to watch new movies. So this is going to be a qualified recommendation for me. I, uh, a Dan, watch it on a plane if you have to. You're gonna be laughing. Wow, this is a movie. This is a movie I think would be better than having your nuts crushed by a sledgehammer. That's Dan's recommendation.

Dan's seal of nut approval. I watched... If you had a choice between being blinded with a hot poker and watching this movie, consider the movie. Is that a little more or just the nut smash? Just the nut smash. Okay. When I returned to Brooklyn, I watched a little movie

called piranha-2, colon the spawning. Okay. Which is a movie I've been curious about for a while, mainly because it was, it's listed as James Cameron's, I think earliest film. However, he was replaced from what I understand, you know, a week or two into filming by the producer of the movie. So I don't know how much of the film was actually directed. His vision. Well, does anyone turn into liquid metal?

No, but Lance Hiner hammock's in it so okay at least the casting I assume was overseen by mr. Jim Cameron himself but uh... this is a fun be movie about flying piranha that flyer like not only do they fly they're not like flying fish flying prion they're like hummingbirds they can like hover around people and like chew off their neck So hovering that sounds awesome. Yeah, so it's set up like a classic disaster movie You you run into a much of goofy types who are at this resort community and it's got Lance Henrickson as I said as a police chief So he's not one of the piranhas. No, she's young.

That would have been great if he was in a big piranha costume. They have a tiny piranha when there's another actor, but then they cut to close-ups of the piranha and clearly Lance Henrickson had a costume. I'm gonna fight ya! I'm a piranha! Jim Cameron, Jim Cameron's amazing at Special Effects, man. I'm sure he could make him do anything. He can make the man behind Millennium look like a piranha. No's weird to see not the man behind millennium man on millennium the

chart was the man behind millennium okay it's weird to see young lands handraxan and realize that while he looks younger he never did not look weathered yeah he's still like as a young man he was still a weathered yeah boyhood accident Boyhood actor had a glue factory and a tanning lamp. But there's some slow parts, but if you want a sleazy beam movie with flying prongs that eat people and top ladies. Then really there's only one movie to see. What pranatune? I like you qualifying it.

When you get to play where if you want to see a movie with flying prongs, there's only one movie with Lance Henderson where he pilots, he pilots a helicopter out in the middle of the ocean to save people from flying piranhas than the one. Oh, no, I've seen you, I've seen you use this trick before, the trick of just describe the movie. If you want to see a movie where an aging Hollywood star hires a screenwriter for her big comeback and they become lovers and then she shoots him sunset bullfarts. It's the movie for you.

Not piranha. Piranha to the spawning or any other. Sounds like piranha to the spawning from what you want to see a movie where a bunch of crazy guys in New York are busting ghosts. Piranha to the movie is not the movie for you. You got two options for that. We've got some solid recommendations, Ellen. And we're usually going to go with that.

We're going to go with that. There are a bunch of assholes. Not conclusion. I have a recommendation. I'll quickly recommend two movies I saw recently. This may still be in the theaters. When you hear this, a movie called Premium Rush with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Oh, yeah. I enjoyed that.

About a bike messenger that gets his hands on an item that other people want and Is being chased who's the guy who plays the cop Michael Shannon Michael's Michael Shannon plays a crazy crazy Faced Shannon plays the man who looks like a crazy in premium rush. He's in a comedy role He's very funny and it's it's a kind of low scale small scale comedy I would like not thriller but thrill ride There's a lot of scenes of him of Joseph comedy, I would like not thriller, but thrill ride. There's a lot of scenes of Joseph Gordon Levin, like biking through traffic.

Yeah, there's a lot of good chase scenes. It's a fun B comedy chase movie. I enjoyed it a lot and I'd recommend it. Here's my classic film recommendation to balance out robot juxtaposed and piranha to the spawning is one of Claude Chabral's early films a thing called Le Bonfemme the good girls or the good time girls and it is a very early French new wave movie who is about a bunch of girls who work at a shop together and kind of each one is yearning

in a different way for a more exciting life than they have. One sleeps around, one has stage dreams, and another one is in love with a man from afar. And the tone of the movie changes very quickly from scene to scene in a way that is sometimes disorienting, like what, and is sometimes very exciting, and it goes to places you don't necessarily expect it to go to. And there's a lot of just kind of very lively

French new wave characters experiencing a situation scenes. And the girls in it, some are very cute. And you see them in bathing suits in one scene. Oh, that's good. Yeah. So three recommendations for battleship. No.

I think all recommendations for battleship and live-on fam. Hey, guys. What's up? It's been beautiful seeing you. Oh, yeah, we're all done, right? Finn, just been a treat. Yeah, let's be guys. Before we leave, let's been beautiful seeing. Oh yeah, we're all done right then just just been a treat. Yeah Let's before we leave let's remind people again September 19th

Williamsburg public assembly. We're gonna be doing a show with the I love bad movie people maybe do some Callback yucks some callback yucks that we trivia contest questions. I thought you were gonna say before we leave Let's all promise to meet back here. Let's meet back here in one year, in this date in the same place into another podcast. Then we'll catch that kid. We're not married, but we'll catch that kid, bag that bird, all the things we want to, all the callbacks, and we'll have a big announcement, maybe for the next episode, possibly.

Yeah, we just just just keep just just just just just to analyze. tease a little bit. Just give them a show. Show me a broad strap. And until then, September 19th, it's amazing Just tease a little bit. Just give them a two. And then tell them to show them your broad strap. And until then, September 19th. It's amazing when I was a kid how hot a broad strap would make me. And now I, that does not have any effect on it. Yeah, you started pulling at the earth.

Mm-hmm. I would turn into a Tex-Avery wolf, yeah. Now you would not believe the sick shit it takes to turn alien on. Exactly. Oh, you kidding? Come on. It's not even legal.

All right, well, on that creep note. It's barely legal. Just barely. takes to turn alien on exactly you can't come on it's not even legal all right well on that creep it's barely legal just barely what's signed this thing off for the flop house I've been Dan McCoy yeah I'm Stuart Wellington and unless I'm unless I'm legally culpable I'm really came in can I everyone boom you really lost energy there Stuart yeah got me the Bud Light got to me K-A-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-K-E-M-E-K-E-M-E-K- Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino. Chuck Eriino.

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