The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #114 - Abduction

Episode Date: November 16, 2012

Due to Election Day and vacation travel scheduling, show notes for this episode are unavailable. Our apologies. Here is a picture of a funny cat: http://tinyurl.com/mhstpx

In this episode we discuss the first and last film that anyone will ever describe as a Taylor Lautner vehicle. Abduction. Hey everyone and welcome to the Flop House. I'm Dan McCoy. Dan, I'm Stuart Willow. Hey Dan and Stuart. My name's Elliot, Elliot Kaelin. Someday. Some day Stuart's gonna understand that, Dan and Stuart. My name's Elliott. Elliott Kaelin. Some day. Some day. Some day Stuart's going to understand that he doesn't, he doesn't say hello and

response to me saying, hey, he's just trying to be polite. I'm grieving the audience. I'm not greedy. He's staring right at me when he said that. Just the lady who's no thing. I'm going to introduce yourself next. Let's get right to the point. Okay. We do, we talk about movies here, here. We do talk about movies Traditionally bad movies, but this is the flop house podcast Wow now you're acting as if you were the responsible one That is I think we should try that we should do an episode one time we're steward as a host and he is controlled of everything Hey, there's been a lot has happened since we last, uh, were with,

uh, the fans. Yeah, the leads of hurricane from green to brown, a presidential election. Uh-huh. And your leaf thing happened also. Yeah, the leaves changed. You're, you're killing a leaf thing. Yeah, yeah. There's mostly a hurricane in an election.

Yeah. And are we reviewing this? And, uh, I don't know. It was a good bad hurricane, a bad bad hurricane. Disney bought Star Wars. Disney bought Star Wars. Yeah. And George Lucas has retired. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Taren, my hair out. So he's going to donate his $4 billion to the George Lucas foundation

for George Lucas buying stuff. Uh, sorry, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Now I'm just acknowledging that it's been a lot like we take a look at the extra i've a beard now yeah for the uh... and i have a cool cap and did i walked in

wearing a cool cap i bought two new pairs of shoes so i think we've always been in a home imagine the shoes and the cap i think we're getting off i read a book about the history of ancient Egypt by to be well concerned that i like i enjoyed the luggans in the center of british e Toby Wilkinson, and I enjoyed it. The last Wilkinson you said. Yeah, a British Egyptologist. I think we're getting into the less interesting areas.

So it's been a lot of time since the last episode, a lot has happened. How have we changed? I'm tired of her than usual. Yeah. The unusual you said. Yeah. Stuart is just as thin and handsome. Oh, yeah.

That's never going to change. And yeah, it's only the blood of virgin primates. Yeah, you're just like a character of an uva bull movie. And I- And Silly, it's Eddie, as a beard- I've a beard to cover up the horrible scars of the incidents that took place two weeks ago.

Wow. We'll find out about the incident through dreams. Well, I was kissed by a fire wizard. So no way the hair would grow then that doesn't make sense. It's magic hair. It's actually Thorne Brandt. We watched a little movie tonight. A very little movie. A movie that has been much talked about. A movie with very little actual movie in it. Yeah. But yeah, it was much discussed especially on the Flapphouse Facebook page. It's been in much demanded. We watched a film called

Abduction emphasis on ab oh man. We're gonna give it a flop. Oh Tandid flop house street Watch out table lotter Alfred Molina Sigordi. We've run other stars. You're about to get flop house You thought when you made abduction you made the best movie ever. You were wrong. Maybe not. We'll see. We'll find out when we get to the review segment, which is now abduction. I don't know. John singled and directed it. So it's never made it badly. I don't know about that. He made toys. It's very love and said good because I hate that movie. Well, we... It's very love and sin. Good, because I hate that movie. Okay, and other, sometimes, good director,

who made a terrible film. I'm just amazed that John Singleton keeps pumping out the film despite weighing 2,000 pounds, a single ton as his name suggests. That's why we got the name John Singleton. Yeah, man. He wants to make sure that people know that he's not like comically fat he's just a single tragically fat but no it's not you know not more than one yeah just

just watching his way he's putting himself for lining on this one he's working very hard to stay at the two thousand pound level and I think they're gaining nor lose anyway so that so we going to keep talking about that tomorrow? Yeah. Okay. So what's the tonnage of John Singleton? Oh, just one. What's the average tonnage of a director of abduction?

One, please. Okay, I'll take it. $5. That means price per pound. That is a good deal. $5 a ton is a great deal. Then what do you do with it all? That's a good deal. It's a better deal to great deal. Then what do you do with it all?

That's how they get it's a better deal to pay 25 bucks for the seven pounds because you'll eat that But a whole ton of John singleton It's gonna go to waste so abduction huh? Yeah, we watched it So you don't have to Start it start Taylor Lautner. He may know as no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So he plays Jacob the werewolf in the Twilight movies and this movie abduction seemed to be implying the whole time that he's about to wolf out If you just want it bad enough like every there's constantly teased and we'll get to the plot I guess but imagine that while we're describing the plot at every moment He is looking like a man who's about to turn into a werewolf like they're just teasing you Maybe he'll be a werewolf now. No. Okay. Maybe now he's a werewolf. No, no, no, no, no, no

Like whoa, don't get that guy angry He might you know It's a little bit like watching the USA up all night version of a bikini movie Yeah, where they've chopped out all the topless slash werewolf scenes But the scenes in front of him behind the werewolf scenes are still there you might see a wet t-shirt You might if you're lucky, but and here you'll see a lot of thongs, but not a lot of werewolves Yeah, and here you might see you don't see either of those things They are loud

What teaser? But in a USA have one night movie they would always have one of those Oh, they always have wearwalls No, they don't have wearwalls Except of course for the bikini car wash wearwalls It's a wearwall of car wash? Well, no, what happens is a bunch of bikini girls inherit a werewolf Car wash to stop a land developer from building condos instead of a werewolf

What about the condos on the werewolf the problem is hey that this condos only exists when there's a full moon Yeah, so the bad plan for the land developer But still ends up getting pushed in a pool at the end So So the bad plan for the land developer, but still ends up getting pushed into pool at the end. So, abduction, eh? So, abduction, shall we say what this movie's about? For the few people who haven't seen it, since it was the most successful film in film history, abduction is a low-budget pizza nonsense,

starring pizza nonsense. I thought you might say that I was hoping you would ignore it, that when I said pizza nonsense, it sounded like pizza nonsense. So abduction is the story of Taylor Lautner, your ordinary run-of-the-mill high school student who is super ripped and has amazing abs and rides a motorcycle all the time. He sometimes rides on the front of a truck. On the front of, yeah, the front of a car was friends driving to a party. He's driven to a party while riding on the hood. He, uh, we immediately love him.

You immediately, this, this ripped hood riding t-shirt, uh, teenager is immediately the most lovable character in film history. Yeah, the first with the one, uh, problem that he is and totally unlikeable. Yeah, well, though, that's like the first few things we see him do in this movie are in danger his life by riding on a hood of a car, play beer pong, and then like cackle with his

friends at this, like this raging party at some girls' house. And he gets drunk and passes out and wakes up shirtless on the front of the house. Oh, that's our hero. He is, well, he's, we like him because he's such a totally awesome dude. I guess like a fantasy figure For the viewer, but he's a fantasy figure. He's a fantasy love object. I have just my fantasy figure Oh, I just think they were going for the Taylor Law and her fans, which are like teenage girls Basically sure and that and that I don't know Not expired nowadays dude. Maybe all the kids like right around cars

Super rib I don't think a lot are like nowadays, dude, maybe all the kids, like right around on cards, and super ribs. I don't think a lot of kids ride on the hoods because there's nothing roots to get. Yeah, they all say it gets a 13 year old, you're all hotter than some dude playing beer pong. That is what she aspires to her. But like a bad boy guy who your dream is to tame him, you know, and harness. Tame the wolf with him. Exactly. The tame little bad, but like this is like, this is just like your typical like fret nonsense. your dream is to tame him you know and and tamed the wolf with exactly the

bad but like this is like this is just like your typical like fret nonsense is not like a bad boy behavior like I can't write on the card and get drunk and passing out that's bad boy behavior that's just like I don't know how they do things in eureka and ask but in a teenager passes out drunk and wakes up on the lawn of a house with no shirt on that's all I need for minimum bad boy except that he's totally rude. He's totally rude. He's got attitude. He's gonna sound really weird, Elliot. I'm gonna side with Dan on this one.

Really? There's neither rude nor has any, too. He's just a regular old dude. Okay, he's been downgraded from bad boy to boy. But anyway, that's what we see him do do then he goes home and his parents are not happy that he's hung over so his dad makes him fight him And there's a he's training him how to fight and his dad is just beating the shit out of him in a fight scene That's just slightly shorter than the fight scene from they live and it's just a hair short of child abuse We don't really know either of these characters at this point. We know one is not a bad dude without a dude. He's just a regular, regular average, Joeteen riding on the hoods of cars

and getting drunk with his friends. We can just add my name to get... You can just add my name to get... Oh God. And no one shows up nude and someone plays zood and, you know. All right, thanks Dr. Seusses. There you go. Anywho, so, but then Taylor Rotten gets mad and his dad's like,

good, good, you focus that. Think about what you're doing and him and his dad beat each other up. And it's again, you're like, this is the first moment where you're like, he's about to turn into a werewolf, isn't he? No, he's just flaring his nostrils and kicking his dad. Mm-hmm. But he's also got a crush on a girl who shows up

with a party with a boyfriend. What? She's got a crush on a girl who shows up with a party with a boyfriend. What? She's got a big eyebrows this girl. She's got kind of bushy eyebrows. Pretty. Pretty lady. She's still the romantic lead of a movie. She's a pretty girl.

I just don't want you guys to, you know, it's not like a hunchback or no. Focus on the eyebrows. It's hard not to because her face is kind of bland pretty. Sure. But she's's you know pretty She's a girl. Whatever you get what are you gonna do? Yeah any who they go to school His friends rag on him. He's on the wrestling team. No, that's fine

and a teacher the teacher of the sociology class which they have in high school a teacher who is throwing a baseball Between his hands for no reason the first day of class though, right? Like he's basically teaching them what? between his hands for no reason. It's like the first day of class though, right? Like he's basically teaching them what soci- Because sociology is the history, is the study of societies. And you have a turn page term paper to do.

And now I'm gonna split you up into groups, but I know your name's already. Yeah, and I'm gonna make you work in this class. This is not gonna be an easy class. This is gonna be totally sociological. It's the teacher gets kind of a little speech like that and you never see him again. But he pairs up, take a lot in her,

and the girl he has a crush on who's also lives across the street from him. Oh man, that sucks. This is awkward or great, I don't know. And he spends a little bit of a mini montage cleaning up his room. This is an action movie, by the way. And so far, we've seen the character go to a party.

There's a montage. Fight his dead. And then clean up his room if getting a signed a term paper. And then clean up his room of getting a signed a term paper. And we also see a picture of the girl who lives across the street. We see a shot of her taking a poster, a poster size picture of herself and her ex-boyfriend. And ripping it. Ripping it, man. She got a made of kinkos. What? All the

girls, all the teens are doing that now, along with their hood riding and their passing out. Yeah, I don't know. I'm not teen anymore, guys. I'm a grown man. Like our hero, Taylor Lautner. He's playing a teen, poorly. So Taylor Lautner, let's just take a moment to talk about how would you describe his charisma? More like a sponge or more like a brick. He's sort of like a cigar store Indian. It's kind of like a block of wood that someone drew abs on with a Sharpie marker. He's like a young John Cena Yeah

John Cena has way more charisma. I do. Yeah, I do love it Which is which is weak compliments right there. That's very weak praise to say more Christmas than Taylor Lautner but still And obviously some of this has to do with my anger at Taylor Lautner being like what I assume a millionaire teenager with super great abs. That sounds like a great movie title. Actually, this doesn't move out Taylor Lautner being a millionaire teenager, much better. I just, I mean like I said this during the film though, but also like, Taylor and her seems to be a Kate, one of those cases of the teen hard-throw's like, okay, yeah, he's like super cut.

But he looks kind of weird. Like he's got like a weird fucking nose and like weird low brow, like eyebrows. It's like that, it's cave man chic. Okay, I guess so. I mean, he really does, he does. He looks like he should, he would not be out of place

making cave paintings of how he took down a little. Well, he's an astralochuncithic. Fair enough. I mean, I, whatever. He's an the end of dude. We can pass along. I mean, there's more generation at in Cino Man. Exactly. The generation has Jacob, the where we'll be. Every generation has their caveman. The point is, for the generation force, it was Ringo Star in the movie caveman. Before that, it was Robert Vaughan, and I was a teenage caveman

or whatever it's called. The called teenage caveman. The Deus Ex homework assignment that puts this into motion is that they have to do something about I guess abducted kids. They're somehow doing a term paper on I'm child abductions and they find a website that shows pictures of kids and then what they might look like as adults now in the time since they've been abducted and one of the kids slash adults looks just like Taylor Lautner. Uh oh! He does some quick detective work, finds his old shirt that's in the picture and compares it to other pictures and talks to a friend of his and decides to him.

So he confronts his mom who admits she's not- By actress Maria bello. Yeah, she's great. Where's the hat in that show, right? That's that oh yeah the canceled show. Yeah, she's not on the private remake. Yeah, hat cop. Lady hat cop. Yeah, and the show the series. And his dad you may remember as Lucius Malfoy. Yeah, Jason Isaacs. Who's Lucius Malfoy plays a good guy? Is that a character from like a Harry Lord of the Rings of Star Wars Okay, is that like a Star Trek hobbit?

Avengers going is what I'm gonna set it you've enough Is he on Star Trek hobbit sounds great. Yeah, is he on grim? Come on That is a level of nerdy that I will not commit to you friend. Okay. Is he on the mother? Goose and Grimm cartoon show that used to be on in the 90s Anyway, so she remits she's not his real mother and she's gonna reveal the truth to him as soon as she goes downstairs and gets his dad But then a knock on the door to Surprise sinister secret agents show up and it's because of a scene we forgot where

surprise sinister secret agents show up and it's because of a scene we forgot where they look on this website and they get in touch with the website operator and say we think we've sound one of these kids but it turns out the site is being run by a Serbian criminal who then hacks through the computer back to the webcam to see Taylor Lautner using the computer and then track him to his current location. Yeah. That's a perfect one. It's a lot of computers. Because apparently it's very easy to do that. This is a movie where it's very easy to hack into computers, phones, security cameras, balloons, everything you need.

Later on, the CIA is getting involved in this story. And let me tell you, the CIA has a tap on every phone in a computer that exists in the world. In the world. Payphones, cell phones, home phones, home phones, those like speaking spells, they're not really phones, but it's close enough. Homma phones. To worry about a half hour into the movie of the story.

Yeah, it's taken a long time to get here. So these secret agents show up, there's a brief fight where Maria Bello kicks some butt even without a hat on, and then gets killed. Oh man. And the dad shows up he gets killed tail but not not until after taking out one of the other agents tail out near and the girl that he has a crush on beat up the last guy tail out and he gets a fire poker from the fireplace and just hit some with it a bunch of times and he goes I'll tell you everything I want you want to know but won't die here. There's a bomb in the oven.

And of course, they go to check. And there's seven seconds left on the bomb. So they jump out of the house, the explosion blows them into the pool. I really helped that one guy. I was like, I'm not gonna die here. He's like, well, I guess you're still in that house where it's blown.

Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have set the bomb for 10 seconds after you left the oven. And also, both these guys have been fighting the whole time. Who had time to put a bomb in the oven? And also, is it called a bomb in the oven when you've got a rambunctious kid that you're pregnant with? Well, that bomb in the oven, that was for Sunday brunch. So, it's not necessary to put the bomb in the oven.

I mean, is that to make it look like it happened from natural causes? I guess so. It's just a natural oven explosion like you have. They're just trying to bake a bomb, but they miscalculated. It's so hard to get a good glaze on a bomb. It doesn't have any juices.

So now the kid, the girl and the guy, it's a little bit on the run, and she got hurt in the arm a little bit, so he takes it to the hospital, and he calls from the hospital, and he calls 911 and the C.I. picks up. It's Alfred Molina, and he says like, blah, blah, blah, you're in trouble or danger or something.

And then they go to... So you gotta trust me. And he throws it back in his face, the thing that Chase and Isaac's dad said, it's like trust is something you earn. Yeah, it's his roadhouse pain-don-her-t moment, his philosophy. They go to the hospital and he

tries to dial nine one one again i guess and it's the c i a again like that is all the same thing is the same phone call i thought they talk to c i in the house just in the just in the just in the the hospital and uh... and uh... so we were there's so many phone calls in this movie so going to weaver who is Taylor Lottner's therapist, earlier in the film, she's helping him to deal with his anger and his recurring dreams of watching his mom get killed in front of him.

And his desire to wolf out. Yeah. And you mean his dreams that are just actual memories? Yeah, because like most people, when Taylor Lottner goes to sleep, he just plays memories back from his past history. It's like a greatest hits. What happens? It would be great if he just imagined his looper reel.

And it was his real memories, but people screwing up. And yeah, he could be saxing on his screen. They don't usually do that around looper reels. But no, Sigorni Weaver shows up. We read all the time. So he's on the phone at the hospital, it calls 911 and Alfred Molina answers and says the trust thing.

Then Sigorni Weaver shows up with a big handful of my lar balloons, which is her. Perfect. Disguise. He's literally heard disguise. She goes, Oh, Alfred Melina, who can't trust him? Yeah, you got to come with me. And she uses the friend of your dad and I'm a secret agent too.

Come with me. She uses the of your real friend of your real dad. And she uses the balloons to Hide them from the view of other people and then she lets them go so that they can cover up a security camera And then she has the best line in the movie as she about they get into a car and she's about to get into the car and drive them to safety She goes I hate balloons And then they drive off narrowly escaping being caught That was her secret the whole time. And you're waiting for something else.

He had to overcome her hatred of balloons to help Nathan, take a tail. That's how important this was. It's literally a snakes. Why does it have to be snakes moment, but balloons. And balloons never come up again. So Gorni Weaver does not have to overcome another balloon up.

It really felt like she should have said, I hate balloons. And then shot the balloons and they explode. Yep, and the entire hospital exploded and their car goes flying out of the blast. Well, that's the acceleration they need to get away from the bad guys. But it's like a rocket ship. It's a controlled explosive blast. Okay, that's how rocket ships work. Yeah. Yeah, Sigourney Weaver takes Ter take Starlow on her and bland love interest with her and Put this collar girl cute girl cute girl and Pushes them out of the car basically, she says we're gonna be rounding a turn I need you to jump out of the car where no one will see you and they jump into the woods and then she creates a

Diversion by blowing her car up, but she's not in it and so now the CIA is after them. She tells them They got CIA guys. They got I guess Serbian. Serbian criminals still after him. She's got four people. She says there are four people who know the truth about you. Your fake parents, me and your real dad. And he's real dead as a secret agent. So I'm kind. Now Alfred Molina then debriefs, I guess, the head of the CIA, who's, it's not general portrayous because he's stepped out, obviously. Alfred Malina calls an exposition meeting. He's like, guys, basically what it is.

We're a desperate native exposition in this film. We gotta, like, do the stat. And he says that Taylor is exposition meeting in the conference room, two and 10 minutes. Why would all these guys be trying to get this cool teenager? This isn't, if looks good kill. There hasn't been, like, a mix of them up.. I think do we forget to mention he has a motorcycle too? Oh, that's why they're everywhere.

Sun glasses at night. Sun glasses to keep his son out of his eyes. Wait, he has a son. I don't want to see my son. I'm gonna sunglasses on. Dad, you can still see me. I'm just a little bit different. I'm so glad to see you. Dad, you can still see me. I'm just a little bit dimmer. Anyway. So, Alphanelina explains that Taylor Lautner's dad was a secret agent who found a list of 25 secret agents

who had, I guess, sold out America to the Serbian criminal. And now the Serbian criminal wants that list, which is because I guess that was his only copy and it's on a phone. No, no. And Taylor Lautner had been like put into hiding to protect him because he would have been leveraged, I guess.

The easiest way to get that phone is not to get after the secret agent who has it, but to get his kid and use the kid as a bargaining chip. So he's had this phone for like 15 years? No, the phone has been hidden in a safe house for 15 years. Oh, okay. But also, this is the first of three or four times that were told this exposition. Alfred Molina tells these people,

that he tells Taylor Lautner, Taylor Lautner tells the girl, and it's like, yeah, we saw this. We know why they're chasing you, come on. Taylor Lautner and the girl go to a safe house where they get a gun. I think the movie, like, thinks that like, because like objectively, this plot doesn't make any sense.

But the movie thinks that maybe it repeats it three times. We'll be like, oh yeah, I get it, no, sure. Fine. I think something's trying to be a little bit wrong. They're trying to focus on what I'm doing. They say it enough. They really interact with each other in one of these situations.

No, it's true. And of course, they would have to explain it every time. That's your overnight. I mean, it's just hyper realistic as well in terms of. It's a very high-scree-al-smoke. It's a real-smoke. A very high-scree-al-smoke.

A mumble core thriller. I wish it was more mommally, but wouldn't he have hears a brilliant dialogue like, I hate balloons. So they get on a train then, right? Is that the next thing they do? Yeah, they get a little bit of spine movie, so they're just going to have a train now. They're going to take a train from Pittsburgh to Cincinnati. Yeah. But. In search of spaghetti a train from Pittsburgh to Cincinnati. Yeah.

But in search of spaghetti with chili on top, I would imagine. No, because that's where the phone is hidden, I guess. There's a feature, some shit. But a thug chases after them. And here's another great moment that we forgot to mention. So the Serbian work criminal comes in from London. There's a scene where they establish how sinister he is

by showing him going through customs and being allowed to pass through customs using his passport. They show him in a hotel room with his thugs and the thugs are very clearly eating room service food. Like there are these great moments where it's like for Verissa Militude, we should show that if he's going to go into the United States, he'd have to pass through naturalization. Okay. And you know what? They're going to get hungry on this stakeout. Let's show someone dipping French fries into a bottle of ketchup.

So one of the thugs who looks kind of like a thinner Michael Moore, Chase's after them on this train. And but first, Taylor Lautner and the girl make out hot and heavy. It's pretty, literally picks her up and is holding her by the butt and then they sit down and they're kissing and kissing and then she goes, hey, we should. Your motor's ready. But it's your motor's ready.

Shine them up. Gentlemen, rev up your penises. Check the oil on that thing. Put some, put a nice shirt and tie on it. Gentlemen, shave your boaters professionally. Yeah, not amateur usually. Come on, no. You look terrible. Gentlemen, on packet from wax.

So they're on the train and they make out and then she goes. She's out of cryo freeze. She goes, hey, we should get something to eat. We should have something to eat. And he's like, yeah, yeah. And there's they all they should have played up the moment more where he's like Wait, what are we not doing that anymore? I mean it seemed like we're on our way to having sex I don't know about teenage boys, but I think they can pass pass up food for a little while Yeah, sex is on the table. Yeah, exactly

Well, it's especially if they have to get through the sex to get to the food that's on the table. Like, let's say there's a plate of food, but there's a girl in front of it. Okay, okay, I can imagine this. Just how else are you gonna get that food except by sexy your way through? Sure, you couldn't just push her out of the way. That would be rude.

Come on, you're a gentleman. And you know what? While she's falling, her leg might hit the food, knock that on the floor. Then, there goes your hot dogs macaroni. That's like max-hunting noodles with hot-cut of hot dogs. That's a teenage boy's like, dang, right? Well, teenage boys are five year olds, I don't know.

And science tells us- Like a turkey leg for a medieval knight. Science tells us that after you've had sex with a girl, she's not hungry. No, not at all. Then you get all that food. Then you can get that like gogurt, whatever is your lunchables. That's the only table. Whatever the kids eat these days.

You know, what is it like? Elio's pizza cones? Something like that. What is it like, a taco taco? You know, I don't know pizza food, you know, but kids, that's the kind of like, you know, hamburger pizza or something. It's like an Oreo cheeseburger. It's got a crack in it.

I'll have a cartoon on the box. Something with a cartoon penguin with a backwards hat in a skateboard. That's a cool thing, but let's see if you can get that plate of chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs. You're going to have to get sex with that woman for this. Yeah, they got to sex someone up. And if you're lucky, the motion for having sex will bounce the food closer to I mean that's the only reason you're doing it if you're a teenage boy So

So point is there's a fight fight is she goes to the she goes to the cafeteria and the bad guy follows her pulls her into a into a passenger birth and beats her up and Threatens to cut one of her fingers off. It's only that dark man. Yeah, yeah. I guess so.

Which one? Die, dark man, die. They were turning a Durant or the first to rant from the first. Oh, okay. Before you return. Not a few good dark men. 12 angry dark men. Is that it?

That's a bunch of that band dark man at dark man and asked her to hear. Wait, wait angry dark man? Is that it? That's a bunch of weird man. That man, dark man, an astro-eric man? Wait, wait until dark man? No, not at all. That doesn't work. Oh man. That's not the word man in the one passenger room and I know what you're thinking a fight in a train birth wasn't that done in a sleeper car wasn't that done in from Russia with love isn't it one of the best fight scenes in the bond series

yes it is and does abduction out do it no it does not but you know but it does end with Taylor Lautner tossing and then conscious man out the window of a train and then when he sees the man's glasses are still in the floor of the train crushing them with his shoes. He hates nerds. He is another one of those movies where like not as bad as Green Lantern where a jocke was beating up a nerd in a wheelchair, but like that we're a Pudgy guy with glasses is fighting like this ripped teen who rides a motorcycle and we're supposed to root for the teen and not the Pudgy guy with classes is fighting like this ripped teen who rides a motorcycle and we're supposed to root for the teen and not the Pudgy guy with classes.

He's like prescription canceled. Hindsight is 20, daddy. So, uh, what happens? So they get off the train because the someone pulls the cord or something. I don't remember how the train stops. There must have been some kind of happening going on and they, uh, train because the someone pulls the quarter something I don't remember how the train stopped some kind of happening going on Happening and they run off into the woods again This is their second time in the woods for those keeping count and basically let's just skip ahead

Alfred Molina catches up with them He takes them to a diner where he tells the story to Taylor Lautner that we already know about yeah Taylor in two it's that Alfred Molina is probably on this list, and that's why he cares so much about it. That's why he wants it so bad. A bunch of guys get shot by snipers. The Serbian snipers kill the good guys, and then Taylor Lotton runs away while the Serbians

are basically using machine guns to blast the windows of this diner, and then Alfred Milina turns to this female agent who's with him and nods, and the bad guys walk in and see Alfred Milina and the female agent lying on the ground with their eyes closed, and the bad guys walk in and see Alfred Melina and the female agent lying on the ground with their eyes closed and the bad guys walk past and then are the Alfred Melina and the other woman just get up and start shooting them. It's literally like, huh, they don't have any blood on them and they're breathing but their eyes are closed and they're standing still so I guess they're dead now. Anyway, we're professional mercenaries. We'll just walk past them. It is that is I think my second favorite dumb moment after I hate balloons. So anyway, but Loughner makes a deal with the

Serbian guy. He's gonna meet him at a Pittsburgh Pirates game to make what he thinks is gonna be the handoff for the fun. The most of the Pirates game. Thrilling climax they can imagine a Pittsburgh Pirates game. So they show up. Yeah. There's a lot of beauty shots of the stadium, different statue hours around it. You know, they're playing the meds. Everybody's wearing a map. I think this movie may have been funded by Pittsburgh.

It's just one of the mysteries of Pittsburgh. Why did abduction get made there? Yeah, that's just one of the gentlemen of the low road I do. That's one of the, now we're doing my show. Let's just have a look at it so he gets his buddy you Dan are you just not on today what's so anyway Stewart okay let's focus guys it's one of the wonder boys we can still finish this we can still do it so telegraph

records so he gets his buddy to give him those VIP tickets to a Pirates game. I mean, they're worth their weight in gold, which is not a lot because they're just pieces of paper. Yeah. And he gets his friend like stash a gun. Somehow his friend who is the best fake ID maker in Pittsburgh, he says stash is a gun under the seat of one of this in the stadium. He established he's a criminal at this point

So yeah, I guess yeah, it's true It's not about that he does make fake IDs and sells them if he was making them for his own artistic use Serbian war criminal to go by himself to a baseball game where he has a gun station You could send one of his hired goons. Oh No, that would break the rules of the game But he the Serbian goon the Ser Serbian mega, I just buy a bag of popcorn. No, those were well established earlier on in the train car when we had that hot makeouts when they are making out and not

faking out. So we've eyes pop core, they want to start breaking out before things start shaking out. That was the second best line of the movies. At one point they need to. The Syrian War criminal mentions how much he loves football. That's a good line too. I didn't get to say unleash the Kraken out. Okay. No, we didn't say that. No, he says he says he goes, I don't understand this game,

but I like popcorn. Great. And so Taylor Lautner starts pulling the gun out from under the seat and the grad guys like, maybe I can tell you the truth about your father. And he goes, the truth, he goes, yeah, I yeah I killed your mom but not your dad which is stuff we know already like yeah we knew from the dream and he's like oh that memory I have of seeing a woman get killed was a woman getting killed I remember more of my memory now and you were the guy who did it he was the guy to any goes I made one

mistake I didn't check under the bed because he now somehow knows that Taylor Lautner was hiding under the bed the whole time. But while he was telling him this bump bump the Serbian guy got the gun somehow. Also, there was an exciting play in the baseball game. And Taylor Lautner gets up to watch it and it's back down again. Come on, focus Taylor Lautner. I remember it correctly, but it's like, hey, look, he may be a spy on the run. He may be a kid who's been lied to all his life, but at heart, he's a pirate's fan.

He's a pyranian. He's got priorities. He's a big pithead. Yeah. That's what they call him. That's what they call themselves, right? A pitfeet. David Kaelin did not write the end to correct that.

Don't tell us what Pittsburgh Pirates fans call themselves. We don't care. So Taylor Latter goes on the run and the Serbian War criminal tries to catch that kid in the process. It's trying to catch that kid. In the process, he knocks over every possible type of concession. People with hot dogs, people with hot corn.

Oh, my nachos are saying nope, on the ground, idiot. It's like they're inventing foods that were never sold. You know, oh, my turduckin, oh, duck in my sushi all my full walk stews my souffle my baked Alaska There's this really awesome scene you loved this part day you were crazy about it We're sliding down that giant piece of glass I'll take a lot of parkour is around a little bit and slides down the glass covering of an escalator And then this this is a pretty good slides down the glass covering of an escalator

and then this this is a pretty good part of the set piece of the movie he's hiding from that from the glass and then drops to the ground and seriously hurts his ankle and goes ah and then is limping away but uh and it's not a huge lady and it's supposed I assume it's supposed to even out the fact that a 60 year old Serbian work criminal is chasing after the fittest teenager in the world. Yeah. And that they have to even it up by having him hurt himself and raise the stakes. But he's also gotten a phone call from his dad who said, I'm here at the stadium.

Lead him out to the parking lot and we'll spring the trap or something like that. Something stupid, yeah. So Taylor Lautner brings him out to the parking lot and the bad guy pulls the gun out and is like, give me the phone. I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah real father blah blah blah blah yeah it pulls out a comically oversized revolver and then tell about numbers dad played by Dermott Mulrooney who we never see never see from the you never we never see him from the bottom of the nose it's like that's his man you know like he just brings charisma without

no face yeah that's exactly what it is He pulls out a sniper rifle and shoots the guy. Just shoots him through the heart. Because it's one of those things which is like, I think it was either Dana Stewart who said, wait, that was an option. Which is shooting. He was an option. Why didn't he just shoot him at the beginning? Yeah, why didn't anybody just shoot him?

It doesn't, so. Where were all his goons at this point? Did they leave? I think they gave away his child. They could the shoot the guy so yeah I think it was he didn't want to pay overtime maybe there he didn't we're enjoying the various retail options of downtown Pittsburgh he didn't want to take him to the Pirates game I'm not paying to for you to guys to go to a baseball game you just take the day off yes they're going around pitch but then uh get it with with

peanuts or whatever it is I think in, even the movie Taylor Loutner like talks to German Morrini on the phone. And it's just like the dad's like, I can't come to see you. I wish I could come to see you. I wish it because something. And Taylor's like, I want to see you dad. And he's like, I want to see you too. But I can't goodbye for some reason.

Case closed. For something that the screen closed. It might as well have said, the dialogue might as well have gone like this. Dad, I want to see you. I can't sign because put in a reason here. We'll figure it out before the final shooting script. Okay, note to self. There's just nothing there.

The screenwriter forgot to put something in. Then at the end of the movie, the Gornie Weaver shows up and said, oh, by the way, your dad and I worked out and maybe you want to come and live with me. I'm your new mom now. And every, every teenage boy wants to live with his therapist. I mean, if his therapist killed an alien on a spaceship, then yeah. Yeah, but he doesn't know that.

That's true. That's all backstory that we don't know yet. Sure. I want to believe that Ripley and the therapist are the same character. Oh, okay. That's all backstory that we don't know yet. I want to believe that Ripley and the therapist are the same character. Okay. But yeah, he, uh, and he goes, well, I'm going to just hang out with my girl and she's like, oh, oh, okay, cool.

That's cool. So she, she, she goes from super, balloon-hating, super spy to lame parent, it, from, you know, half a second. It's almost nothing. Zero to 60. And, uh, they just go, and Taylor Lautner and his new girlfriend sit in a totally empty stadium staring out into the distance and They're like he's good. You got admit was a hell of a first date and that's you like We're all about it

So We should drop the beat of that one we should actually wrap this up pretty soon, but before we do it can Can anyone here can anyone at this table explain to me why this, why any of this makes sense? Why any of the plot is like, did you see his abs? I just don't like apparently the Serbian criminal thought the best way to get my coastline. Yeah, until like find this kid was to post him on a great entire missing child website on the hopes that he will stumble upon it. Some day stumble on it and get in touch with them. And as soon as he does, he forgot to check that shit. As soon as he does, the message is picked up in an apartment in Brighton Beach.

So like, yeah, he's just got a guy working full-time monitoring this website. Yeah, hopefully. And in like minutes later, people show up at the house to shoot his parents but it's also like there's this list of agents who have given me information and i guess he's i guess he doesn't want that list to fall to the hands of the c i a or something i guess he doesn't want to fall in the hands of the people who like

if like out for molyne who are bad but like if you have the list of people who are bad like can you just go over his head like he does it the end who are bad, but like, if he has the list of the people who are bad, like, can he just go over his head, like, he does at the end of the movie and be like, oh, by the way, you have all these bad ideas. Oh, yeah, Alfred Molina gets arrested at the end, too. Yeah. But it's also, but like, yeah, if he was,

if this was a real threat, it was a operation, then you think the guy would have just given it to the his superiors at any point in the past 15 years. Taylor Lautner's character is supposed to have been in hiding with his fake parents for 15 years. Yeah, meanwhile, Dermott Rooney is just like, well, I guess there's something he can do other than going to exile and hope my kid doesn't get killed.

But he was always nearby watching. Watching his son develop and grow. Yeah. Shitty dad. I mean, they're all. He's terrible. He's a terrible dad. It's basically like, this kid's really cramp and moustache. Yeah, I don't really understand the

Reasoning behind why the villain Nikolai Koleslaw why you would put so much and why I would put so much effort into catching that kid instead of catching that list because like I don't know why is he exposed himself to that much danger over this shit? Yeah, well, why is he doing it personally? Why doesn't he just go after this? It's not like he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like,

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he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he's not like, he other guys like, well, I just really wanna kill this kid because he's a dick. I catch this kid, then maybe kill him. It's PG-13 probably, I think. So it's just catching. Oh, I don't know, they say fuck a couple times. But I mean, we'll help.

Yeah, at least once. But it's a movie that, Is it a Bleepet? No, they didn't believe it, it's a movie. They do a record scratch every time somebody said that for them. Yes, I will say this is one of the most generic movies I think we've ever watched on the flop house.

It had some of the best stock dialogue. Oh, super. Oh, man, I don't want to go to class or like I hate homework. Yes. I'm trying to think it's oh, and the parents are like, you're grounded, mister. Did you forget you're grounded? Oh, you're going to have to do the dishes. Or when the two teenage boys are like you're not into enough underground stuff

You have two main three you guys are too mainstream. I need to give you some underground stuff You couldn't even fill in like the names of fake bands The movie Yeah, except there's a part where except there's a part where Taylor Lautner and the girlfriend are looking at pictures on the website And they're like that looks like Ryan C. Christ crossed with Gerard Butler. Like it's just a Bieber crossed with Lady Gaga and it's like these are the most topical names you could come up with. Gerard Debott Bardu crossed with Renee Aburgeran.

What if... What if... What if... What if... We number one, great pronunciation. Number two, what a crazyure one. We number one, great pronunciation. Number two, what a crazy looking person. Very French.

Very French. But there's a part at the end where I'll tell you how this was a movie that was ludicrous in its genericness. It was like you just inserted some people into a movie machine and then it spit out, you know, what you picked, movie type A and not movie type B. But there's a, so there's a part at the end where they're at the Pirate Stadium and they're all these statues of past baseball players

and it was part of me that really hoped that the movie was just gonna go off the rails and Taylor Lautner would cast a magic spell that brought the statues to life to fight the bad guys. And it's like the movie would have instantly gone from most generic movie to most amazingly idiosocratic movie. Yeah. But it didn't happen. And so the only only abduction was what the teenage girl who got abducted by the werewolf or...

What? No, when he that he was abducted as a kid, he thought. Oh! He thought. there actually was no Abduction now. So why is it called abduction? Uh, because it's an okay title and it has ab so reminds people why they want to see a tale of moving. So uh, yeah, let's move on. I mean, uh, we barely cracked the surface of the intricate. We want to talk about the, uh, the movie like the movie, the movie machine of Pittsburgh or it's not John Singleton

and how much he weighs. No, let's just talk about final judgments whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie we kind of like just to what would you say? This is I would say it's probably in between a good bad movie and a bad bad movie because there's enough stupid stuff that I enjoy it but I don't know it was still pretty slow. I call it a good bad movie and a bad bad movie because there's enough stupid stuff that I enjoy it, but I don't know, it was still pretty slow. I call it a good bad movie. It was fun to watch in silly and stupid, but it's, it is boring also. It takes a long time to get started. Yeah, I would like to call a good bad movie because it is absurd, but I would have to go with bad bad

just because of the reason that you say, which is how generic it is. Now, that's kind of fun. Like, it is kind of funny to see it as like an experiment and can we make the most generic movie that has ever been made? And also how much of the dialogue can the audience guess beforehand? Yeah, I mean it happened at least three times while we were watching this movie.

Yeah, which is usually we do when we're watching these movies around once or twice maybe. We know exactly what the next one is. Three times, yeah, three times. They said it couldn't be done. The ancients foretold. So we're divided. Yeah, divided.

We fall. We should move on, though. And like quickly before we get into mail, I just want to plug a few things on behalf of all things comedy or high-fiving. Our parent company. It's a cooperative. It's a cooperative.

It's a podcast and a socialistic podcast. I like to look. Harlan Williams is the voice of monster crumholz on a new anime of series called Robot and Monster on Nickelodeon. Those are two things I like in one show. Yeah, so check out Robot and Monster. It sounds like a delightful program. There's two things I like, robots and monsters.

Yeah, like, crumholz. You love crumholz, is? Also, Tom Rhodes is a one-hour stand-up special light-sweet crewed is available on Netflix. As of last week in Stuart, you were saying that you were listening to some All Things Comedy podcasts. Yeah, I wanted to plug one of our sister podcasts on All Things Comedy, a new addition to the network,

the Dork Forest, which is the podcast of, I'm gonna pronounce this totally wrong, by the way, Jackie Cashian. Jackie Cashian. Jackie Cashian. Jackie Cashian, my mistake. Obviously an accomplished comedian that I don't know anything about, but her podcast is great and she talks about what people are enthusiastic and nerdy about, which sounds like a shift at my bar.

Hey, yeah, come on. But now we should move on to letters. The flop house movie mailbag. Hey, there's only 26 of them, but they're all great letters. And we're working on that one? Nope, just came over the map. This is from Steve last name with hell. It's titled fictional flops. Uh-oh. Dear floppers like Hudson Hawk 2. If you could review...

Harkin' it. If you could review any fictional movie that would in the universe of its creation be a flop. Which one would it be? The Simpsons epic stars burns. Seinfeld's family friendly, sack lunch, 30 rocks lowbrow, sack lunch. They're in the poster, it's just the family lunch bag. How do they get in there? Are they turning here? Is it a giant bag? That's the movie they really want to see. 30 rocks lowbrow, classic hockey grandma be tripping,

or something from a classic movie about movies, like singing the rains, the dueling Cavalier, prior to Don Lockwood's changes. You guys could probably think of some better ones. Have Adder, thanks for laughs, Steve, lasting with help. Well, I can't think of a lot because I just got put on the spot by Dan. Yeah, this is the thing.

Well, I mean, I think for, I can answer this one first if you guys want to think. I would want to see 30 rocks who detonate. Ninja. But I think the movie I would like to see which I'm sure would be a financial flop, maybe not a critical flop would be the Orson Welles heart of darkness that he was going to make that never get made, but is mentioned in the book of the Yiddish policeman's union. For some reason, in the alternate universe that Michael Shabon is set up where Alaska has a Jewish colony on it, one of the characters mentions that Heart of Darkness is his favorite movie or that he went to see it. And I always thought

it was weird that in this alternate universe, there are two differences. One, there's a Jewish colony Alaska, and two, or some, well, it's got this movie made that in real life he never actually made, even though it was in the planning stages. So that's the one I'd like to see in review. Stuart. Oh, man, I still can't think it like there's so many and yet I This is what about like the itchy and scratchy movie. I mean obviously that would be great I would love to review that but it would probably be a good good movie So it wouldn't fall within the purview

No, it would be in the within the essence episode is both a huge hit and the best movie ever made I don't know if this is I don't know if this counts because uh... it seemed to be a successful film in the world of this movie but uh... look terrible and start a a uh... character or a actor from our movie tonight mister germa rooney

uh... in burn after reason reading the film coming up daisy but pretty terrible and i love how they just like to keep all they show is like, don't runny yelling at Daisy in the tree, like trying to get her to come down in the tree. And that looks like a pretty great, bad, romantic comedy. I mean, I guess another obvious one would be, what is it, home for Thanksgiving from a- Oh, from a figure consideration?

Yeah, I know. Or what was it? for Thanksgiving from oh from a figure consideration. Oh no or what the problem for poor. But I think the original of the the final title was home for Thanksgiving after it got you know dumbed down and made more pal. See what else can we see the porn movie from hardcore that George C Scott can't watch because his daughter's in it. Or the one in uh... I don't know, he seems pretty adamant that you should make it stop. He does want them to turn it off.

Uh... Let's see, but there's so many others, there's a coupe on the movie from Mr. Show. It's pretty good. Oh man. Any of Troy McClure's movies? Yeah. Like preacher with a shovel? Yes, there's so much onecient one dial him from murderousness

And that muppet medieval muppets one muppets go medieval sure doesn't another Tormac Lure this letter is Tiled pervazoid update Okay, so this is your stalker from Stephen last name with held Was the last one from Stephen last name with that was from Steve last name with held I'm assuming that they're to do it like one of most of the V. This is a pH. Oh master of disguise Who can see through that one real cloak and dagger experts? So this is Frank Coleman There's a prelude to this email and Lipsies he writes in all caps, Nightmare Mailbag.

Dear Donut Dan, the militia man, I wrote in to someone fairly new to the show wondering why you were referred to as Purvisoid number one. Now it's clear. Yeah, the truth will out. After listening to the Smuckers' bunch episode, where in you under no provocation began talking about masturbating to heavy metal magazine in the hours of the 7-11, there's no doubt you're indeed perversoid number one. I don't remember that happening. I think that's, we know what happened. Elliot's description of how you achieve that non-mic glacier was very apt. You're extremely creepy. And now when I listen to episode,

there's always a sinister undercurrent to anything anything you say I never know when you might decide to discuss We what the best fruit in which to stick your penis is or which of the golden girls you think is the hottest Ruma glana with the exception not a room a glamor. Oh come on You should probably it's like saying which one of the original X-man would you like to have sex with not Jean Grey Beast ice man Angel or Cyclops? Iceman. You should have probably been talking like old orphids, it was clear like. It would be unpleasant.

I thought it was the obvious answer, guys. No, you'd want to go with Beast after he got the blue fur because then you could take a nap on him afterwards. I don't know, maybe Angel, he's just sort of a lady like. That is his delicate. I'm side-lobs though because he's so boring you'd fall asleep. You should probably not read this on air, because I fear your reputation may be tarnished even further, if people were reminded of this impossible.

By the way, informed Stewart that I also adore him. I am not his nemesis Al Madrigal. The best floppies are always the one with the original peaches. F-L-O-P in the USA. Just Stephen. Thanks for mentioning me, Stephen. I'm just trying to knock the middle, man. He's scared of me and he adores Stuart.

I think you got to leave us. I think you got to leave us. Yeah, that's true. The three of us. It's not be mentioned. I think Dan is the most likely to kill somebody. It is creepy. Yeah.

I'm the most likely to have sex with Iceman from the original Iceman. Yep. Now that you got me thinking about it, so, it's the letter. Thanks, Steven and Steve. Message is from... It's an email. Jerry.

Jerry T. Robot. I think you're making this up as we go, too. Jerry T. Robot writes. The T stands for the. Dear flop house. I started listening to your podcast sometime last year and quickly went through your whole back catalog. I wait with baited breath every other week for the next installment of what I can honestly call my favorite podcast ever. But something to robot has been troubling me. And I wait with breath even more baited for something

else. The arrival of a fourth member that will bring balance to the podcast. It just seems that while Dan leads, Ellie does quick to point out Facts Jack, and Stewart is clearly a party, dude. Your podcast lacks a certain, oh, I don't know. Let's call it a cool crudeness. A thorny fourth member might be able to add this element to the show. This is of course assuming that Dan's wife doesn't already play this role.

Here to four I'm usually just standing right behind Dan with a rolling pin in her hands and the curlers in her hair. But she always has a style. She always has a sigh stuffed into the belt of her pants. And she wears a red bandana, yeah. Here to four I've assumed her purpose was to teach you guys to be ninja teams. So please correct me if I'm wrong. Yeah, she splinter. That's right. Not Raphael or does the house cat provide that kind of balance I'm just kind of worried that if five head the contest ruiner or seven pounds show up you might be out and match All the best Jerry T robot. Thanks for worrying about us Jerry

Actually, what the reason we there are three of us is cuz we're in a balance Actually, the reason there are three of us is because we're in a balance. John Constantine actually sold each of us his soul. And now he can't die. It will be civil war among the flop house. Yeah, we all have part of it or do we all have full ownership, but we can never claim it. We all want full ownership because that is a sweet story. That's the best health play as a story. I thought the house cat was the cool crudeness. He's the one who just isn story. Yeah, the house cat was the cool

crudeness. He's the one who just isn't around. I thought it was cool. It's kind of cool. Rudeness. Cool. I don't want to I don't want to correct Jerry the robot, but it's he's Raphael's cool, but rude, not crude. Come on. He has the taste and refinement of a gentleman. This message we are heroes on a half shell though. So you got that right. But that like that's like the turtles aren't on a half shell. I mean, like they have a full shell. Like they're not like oysters that have been ripped open.

I would hope not. That would be terrible. I think there's a top and a bottom to this show. Crang is about to eat them. He's got a crazy luncheon. Crang's crazy luncheon. Stop on by. Kids, he free. I just beam up your way down.

Like I just have a rock steady. Our prices are rock steady. I don't want to tread or we got it too. You got five at table three. I just don't I don't want to correct the writer of the lyrics to the the Ninja Turtles theme who does you did fine work. It's incorrect to refer to them as heroes and they have shut them. That's all I'm saying. But turtle power. I'm sure he's living in his palatial manner right now.

Just listening to that song, I'm everlasting a loop. Yeah, Ninja House, it's called. This is the house that Ninja's built. So, Shady House, a lot of secret passageways. You never know who's creeping around there. This message is from Jeff Lesney withheld. It's called Harrison Ford tells it as it is. He's already working around the clock. Greetings, floppers. I was looking for podcasts and people on

something awful.com pointed me to the flop house. And over the past past few weeks i've been making every attempt to listen to every episode even though this is making me neglect the amazing adventures of cavalier and clay this is the most michael shabani it is and i think the life michael shabani that much he's alright he is he you know i'm a leetham put your foot down let's keep going he's out he's up and down he's up and down but i don't i find that cavalier and clay and wonder boys are great i think i think i think calvary

clay is a fine middle-brown novel i'm deserving of the Pulitzer a somewhat middle-brow literary prize there i said it all right i really like calvary clay and wonderboys the other ones and i'll always take fortresses all the two over any of shabon's books uh... he goes on to say however i was just listening to the cowboys ampersand aliens podcast and not you mentioned the best line of the film

when livia wilds explaining the aliens want gold i figured these aliens are big-run paul fans oh yeah gold's never was zero four goes well that's just ridiculous what are they gonna do buy something which summed up the entire movie for a it's like the light said, that's stupid. They want gold. And someone else said, I'll just cop to it being dumb,

so we don't have to make up something better. Hanging a lantern only works when the joke was good to begin with. Keep up the good work, and Ella keep making obscure marble references. This is a great email. I do have to take issue. Hanging a lantern, this is a a writers term which which as I understand it I don't have ever heard it before it means that you point out something is stupid so that the audience thinks that like Oh, that can't be stupid. They pointed out that it's stupid

So so you're actually wrong in saying that it only works that the joke was good to begin with oh I see I but I think they are this is what they're doing, because it's like, well, yeah, then mine. For your letter, so Dan could prove his bonafides as a writer. We get it, you're a professional writer. But it's true. But they are. But they are doing it for that. They're saying, yeah, it would be stupid

if they had to buy something. So they must have a better reason for taking gold. They could have put a scene where the aliens go and buy something with the gold. I would have loved that. Two aliens in a trench coat, one on top of the other shoulders. But but they're really tall anyway, so I don't know why they're doing It's like we like to buy some things with this gold This I'll try to make some more obscure Marvel references you got it this

Email is titled I guess I'll see you all on counter earth This email is titled keep I guess I'll see you all on CounterEarth. This email is titled... Just keep going, if you can't. Mount One to Goor. Is Remarvel references. This email is titled One Last Letter. Um, and it's from First Name with Held Failing. Dear Flop House Co-Creators.

This is the part of the podcast where you recommend a movie, perhaps that you've seen recently, perhaps not, that you actually like and contrast the nonsense that you review on this podcast. So Stuart, is there a movie you'd like to recommend to the listeners? So someone wrote in to prompt us to this segment? Is that a sign? Are we taking too long at the level? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, okay. I've watched a couple movies in my days guys. I'm going. You have watched only a couple movies. Head of the family, Castle Freakin' of Israel maniac.

You guys know me, right? And if there's as much as any man can know, so we're doing this in podcast. If there's one thing you guys, if there's one thing you guys know about me, it's that I love sports. Yeah, if the sport is blood-bowl then yes. So that I would like to recommend a sports movie called Warrior, where two MMA fighters totally beat each other up a bunch of times,

starring Joel Edgerton and Tom Hardy and Nick Nolte is a drunk old dad. He was nominated for an Academy Award for it. And he was good, and so run, don't walk to your Netflix queue. But worry about your ex-box, I don't remember which. And then a little bit of a physical space you've moved to. And you pop some corn and watch it and it's gonna be boring. I like how the story's explaining it. You watch a movie.

Let the images go in through your eyes and the sound through your ears because cause it's a talky. Put your arm around your best girl with the story effect your emotions. Maybe your pet who cares? Enjoy warrior. Gotta love with someone you love. For warrior.

Thanks warrior for making us laugh at love again. I may. We'll have you on the edge of the seat. I'm waiting for your favorite fighter. I may have... Go see Warrior for the first time all over again. I recommended this before I can't remember. I've not fully remembered.

It's been so long, guys. It's been so long. Yeah, it's been a long time getting there to hear. I've been a long time, but our time is finally near. Thank you. We're here? Time is finally here. So you were on a plane recently?

No, no. I... It's finally here. So you were on a plane recently. No, no. I, uh, this place, you watch movies. I actually mentioned this movie earlier on the podcast. I feel like Burn After Reading has been a forgotten, Cole and Brothers movie. Like a lot of people love the Cole and Brothers. I feel like that was a movie that was unjustly, unjustly, like, looked on as a leisure film. I think it's a very funny movie. Yeah, I think so too. I, i i enjoyed a lot more than i enjoyed

like no country for old men to be honest more coony than more than a country for old men i think that people maybe didn't like it so much because it's a kind of a cold movie like it's a cruel movie it's a movie where the main joke is that no like everyone's selfish in it and no one understands what's happening and the point of it is that national security can be affected by a bunch of idiots and no one at the end will understand whatever happened. Yeah and it's they're all pathetic and life is a joke and the joke's on you losers. Yeah so if that's how it's upsetting. If the fellow brothers pointing out of the screen at

you and laughing at you. So I guess I can understand why maybe it wasn't a bigger hit, but I still think it's a very good movie. So I'm gonna recommend Burn After Reading. I'm gonna recommend, I think very quickly, two movies. One is a movie called Great World of Sound that was loaned to me about two years ago and I finally watched it by I Love Bed Movies co-bubbleisher, Matt Carman, and is about a guy.

Shout out. And two guys who get jobs as kind of sketchy record producers for a company that's basically scamming musicians, they don't seem to totally realize it or at least don't want to admit it to themselves that they're scamming people and how they come to terms with realizing that and realizing they're working for. And it's directed by the same guy who did compliance recently. And I also wanna recommend last night I went to a screening of Lincoln,

the new Steven Spielberg film about a little known president named Abraham Lincoln. This is a vampire movie? It is not a vampire movie. There's nothing about vampires in it. And while I came into Lincoln, people may, listeners may know I'm a big Abraham Lincoln buff. I consider him the greatest man in human history.

You are Abraham, we can buff. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think it's hard? Like really tall and spindly. Yeah. But, uh... That's sexy award.

So I was ready to, I was ready to find it incredibly disappointing. I thought it was a very good movie, not the kind of breath taking movie I wanted it to be. It isn't the final word on Abraham Lincoln cinematically. Someones someday will make the great movie on Abraham Lincoln. I don't think that's young. I don't even like young. I don't think that's young. Anything I say, Abraham Lincoln Illinois. Young, the line sign. Which one's the Ford movie? That's, yeah, yeah, that's young. Okay. No, Abe Lincoln and Illinois is the one with Raymond Massey that I think is a better movie.

And this, I think Lincoln is the best movie since Abe Lincoln and Illinois, which is, you know, a 60-some-odd year movie, year-old movie. It doesn't take 60-some-odd years to watch it. But I think it's a well-made movie. It falls apart at times. I will give you two caveats. One is it has a John Williams score in it. Okay. And John Williams has somehow gone

from being one of the best movie scores to being the worst movie scoreist. It is the blandest, worst, heavy-handed movie score I've heard on a long time. And I wish Steven Spielberg had just not used it. And two, I actually found the parade of celebrities in roles a little distracting at times. But other than that, people do a great job

and Daniel DeLewis sure tries his hardest. And it comes out to be a very good movie that gets across in a lot of ways, probably what it was like to be around Lincoln at the time. All right. So three great recommendations, actually four. Yeah. So take that, Stewart.

Yep. I understand what it's like to get a migraine one of those just stewards 25% of those recommendations were supplied by steward So guys, I hope you can forgive us for taking one week off young mr. Lincoln is the name of that movie not young Able yeah for the election and such We're now we're next time we're recording is what January no no and such.

We're now, we're next time we're recording is what January? No, no, I think that our schedule will keep us from actually taking a gap over Christmas and New Year's, which would be nice. So we got a little turkey day, then we're gonna be here talking about shitty movies again. Mm-hmm. Then we got our live show coming up.

Yep, December 15th, which I think is sold out again. Yeah. Yeah. It, cause a cousin of mine bought tickets, and then when her sister, another cousin of mine tried to buy tickets, think is sold out again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It uh, because a cousin of mine bought tickets and then when her sister, my another cousin of mine tried to buy tickets that was sold out. Hot cakes. So I guess in Kate, you can keep monitoring that website and see if, if the tickets open up, but no, probably be scalpers out front. Oh, yeah.

But you're going to end up paying, you know, four digits for those tickets, you know. Uh, well, but, you know, if you, if. Well, but, you know, if you really care, you can show up and take your chances. Wow, I guess. But I think the real lesson is, the next time we do a screening, snap them up, folks. Yeah.

Do not hesitate. Walk, no, wait, run, don't walk to your computer. Clear. And go to the 92.0.3 back a website and buy those tickets next time. They're not flat Netflix. They go off of Netflix to the 90 Y site. Go to the castle for ex-section. All right.

This whole section. For the flop house, I've been Dan McClure. Click on unrated director's edition. Click on turn off Ding Dong rip off safe search and that's been Elliot K. Lynn good night everyone You still owe me a dollar Done filling with my knob Dan Done filling with my knob, Dan. He's still got it.

He was just adjusting the microphone, but I turned it into an Austin Power style in UNDO. Yep. He sure did. Yep. Turned it to Hank Yelves, that's it. So set him up and knock him down. You sure did.

That joke ain't right. So, um, Bobby? Yep. Thank you all. Whoa! That's all the catchphrases he has. Do it, do it, do the way in. I can't do it, man.

Do, uh, that guy does the mumbling, man. Boom-hour. I don't say a little bit down, dang old. Oh, man, it's dead on. Yep, there you go. Well, stay on the road, stay on the day all the time. Oh man, it's dead on. Yep, there you go.