The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #122 - Alex Cross

Episode Date: March 23, 2013

The beefy hand of justice! 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 39:41- Alex Cross gonna make you jump, jump.39:42 - 43:32 - Final judgments.43:33 - 45:21 - Some brief plugs.45:22 - 55:43 - Flop House Movie Mailbag55:44 - 59:54 - The sad bastards recommend.59:55 - 1:01:25 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

They crossed the wrong man. Now really they chose the wrong man to play Alex Cross. Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Melington. And over here, number three, Elliot Kaelin. How many of these have we done? Stuart, you never seem to remember. Feels like a zillion. And yet every time you are taking a back, take my surprise that you have to introduce your name.

A hem, Raoul. Okay. Well, out of practice, that's a rusty house cat. Also a great drink, the rusty house cat. So not so great as actual position. No, terrible. Here we are, the three of us, back with another regular episode after our once a year flop tagular. Yep, now we'll be watching a movie and talking about it.

And did we ever? Oh boy. Strap in. Mamma mia. Sweet Susie Q. You watched a little film called Hold on to your hair. Oh my. Tyler Harry Medea's Alex Crocs.

Tyler Perry Medea presents Tyler Perry's House of Alex Crocs, starring John Cena again late. What? Well, he's in it. From Scrubs? Yes. He's in Worms. Then Olive Garden commercial.

Olive's Garden. From identity? Yeah, he's in a lot of things. things wait was he the little kid or the fat guy He was John Q's So the fat guy oh Count it the cues has been burned but still so Yeah, we watched a little film called Alex Cross. Yeah, the reboot of the Alex Cross franchise You may remember the Alex Cross movies from before.

Kiss the girls and Spider-Whip McGee. I'm walking in a Spider-Whip. Yeah. Which one has a, when you call in, I'll call you back girl. I think that was another one. Which one? I just, I've got Gwen Stefani no doubt sauce. But what, what, what, what, what, what, what,

what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, Wait, what do you want to have Ashley Juddon it? I don't. Kiss the girls I think. She was always. Yeah, a Lexus cross. Well, her alert carry always was the bad guy and kiss the girls. And how do you know because he was the only other character? I like to think he was Bobbi Wobbly. Yeah, the good guy of Oogie loves the movie. Bobbi Wobbly. OK. But now, and the old movies, old movies, these movies like 15 years old.

Alex Cross was played by, was played in the classic Alex Cross movies. In the talking Alex Cross, the movie. He was played by Morgan Freeman, who you may best know as the voice of Penguin documentaries. But he was an actor before that. As a good actor with a lot of charisma and screen presence. And let's face it, a lot of bad movies under his belt. No, but sure, but he brings a certain ineffable something.

A certain gravitas plus a charm. He brings a suit. Like an wanted. Kind of, I mean, that's you hire him to bring a seriousness of purpose that is also likable. Yeah. Yeah. Whereas I guess Tyler Perry, who plays Alex Cross in this movie is a guy who wants to make the leap to being an action hero. He is, he, the movie seems to be starring a character who is a kind of semi-inshape quiet-spoken

fellow who wants to break into a new market. Like everything about the movie seems to scream, Tyler Perry is doing this. This isn't your dad's Tyler Perry. Hold on, it's an all-new Tyler Perry. Tyler Perry presents the new Tyler Perry 2.0. Except for it feels like he is like a sitcom dad who wandered into an action thriller So now it's like that it's like that Chris Elliott Showtime special action family was called action dad Do you remember that one? No, I don't every time he's outside. It's a cop thriller and every time he's inside. It's a family sitcom

It's not it's not totally successful But it's a funny thing track it down on video everybody It shares a video tape with FDR1 Man Show, which is genuinely fantastic. Two great Chris Elliott Showtime Specials from the early 90s. What are we talking about? Sponsored by Chris Elliott. Hey, we're brothers in Elliott. We gotta look out for a fellow Elliott. Now, what were we talking about?

Alex Cross, starring Tyler Perry. Okay. So, yeah, he's in really good shape, right? Not exactly. He's in good shape. He's an Oh, he's a barrel chested man. So he has the he has the grace. Oh, you guys are talking about Tyler Perry. I was talking about Matthew Fox. Well, I mean, I just finished that. Tyler Perry has the grace and the elegance of a late career Steven Segal, right? Where it's almost like a mattress on legs is getting into fights. But Matthew Fox is in this as the villain and he is super jacked.

I just want to say also, like, I once described myself as 1950s fit and I think that that also applies in a different way, the Tyler Perry. I guess so, yeah. In the same way that like Wallace Beary was fit in the 30s, where it's like, he looks strong. I mean, there's a look. It doesn't look like attractive or healthy, but he looks strong. But he looks like, yeah. Yeah, you eat plenty of protein and hamburgers and stuff.

You'll get there. Yeah, it's beef protein. It's not full down. No. Now, he might fall down if he has to run down a sewer for a while or... As in the beginning of the movie, so we go through what this movie is about. Okay. I mean, you can just imagine a standard thriller and put Tyler Perry,

except there are a few surprises in it that you wouldn't expect. Okay. The movie starts with Alex Ross, who is a forensic psychologist, basically. He's a mind hunter. Yeah. He's just wrapping up his, wrapping up a case at the very beginning. He's wrapping up a previous case by chasing a man through a sewer and shooting guns at him. Now, you might recognize the career of forensic psychologists

from every television show and movie made in the past. He's a real CSI, SUV, and CIS. What's going on, order? Like, he's tough. He's a great dad, but he's also a genius. That's the thing. He can get inside the mind of criminals for some reason. He's better than Sherlock Holmes.

Because Sherlock Holmes needs to look at clues. Whereas Alex Gross can just kind of stare in the distance and so these like this guy's ex-military yeah he walks he walks through and one point he walks through a crime scene and they go upstairs and he's like those bullet holes from a 38 it's like wait did you even look at them you didn't even like you didn't even like bend down you can smell the size of the thing. Shwee is off. So Alex Cross. Yeah. The Alex Cross is a is a forensic pathologist. Let's call him. He's a mind hunter. He has a family that loves him two kids a loving life and a sassy granny played by Sicily Tyson and he's I think it's just his mom. Well, but she's sassy. She's super sassy. She is the

Medea of this movie. She says things like don't you go out that door and things like that. And like get your foot off my bench. Yeah, and don't be playing that piano. Yeah, I wish and wish he had said Pianny. That's the proper old person way to say piano. Don't you play my Pianny? But she didn't. She said Piano. She's she knows how to talk. She's not a mom. That's the proper old person way to save piano. No, you play my piano. But she didn't, she said piano. She knows how to talk. She's not a mom. She's not a crazy.

She's not a gold press vector. She's just an old lady. So Alex Cross is living the dream. His partner is his best friend from childhood, Ed Burns, who fully the first 10 lines of dialogue from Ed Burns all seem to have been looped after the fact through ADR. So you'll just see him in long shot and you hear Ed Burns voice going, good work Alex. But also- Hey, come back here, guy.

Look, I haven't seen Tyler Perry in a lot of things, so I don't want to speak to him as an actor. But I will say that he's- You don't even want to speak to him? What if he's on the phone, Dan right now? He knows what he did. Alex, let me see, because I know you want to talk to him His character was so believable Yeah, he goes by Alex now. I'm not gonna call him Tyler part of his gritty reboot. Yeah, no

I'm just saying that like I don't I don't want to speak to him as an actor, but I don't know That he was cast correctly. No, he was not well originally apparently this was a role for Idris Elba Yeah, which makes a little more sense dreamboat he is a dreamboat he can do both sexy charismatic and sullen he's a big guy who you believe punch and punch and bad guys and he already played a gritty TV detective in television yeah but you mentioned this is the gritty reboot of Alex Cross we might want to remind our listeners that just as spider-man got a gritty reboot of Alex Cross. We might want to remind our listeners that just as Spider-Man got a gritty reboot that the end Batman with the Dark Knight series and Superman upcoming,

that famous character Alex Cross, one of your most beloved movie franchise characters, needed a reboot. But the point that everyone was crying out for a new Alex Cross universe because the Alex Cross canon had gotten too continuity thick. Well, I don't know if it's actually worth making it. Made it very difficult for new viewers to just jump into these movies. Yeah, to jump in because there's so much to know about Alex Cross. He's a detective. He's a black guy that's about it. He's got a family.

He's got a family. Well, at least for the first half of the movie. I'm just going to say that if that you're gonna give out across a partner uh... with tyler perry uh... being as dull as he was maybe you don't want to go with a mathew fox or not a max back star and that burns also kind of you do want to go with a max you want to go to the mat if i could get that but i think i think just gravely and dull i think they should have gone like who they should they've

gone with like a would they should they've gone with like a Gilbert Godfried Like a Rob Schneider a Joe Pantoliano might have been a good fit a Yeah Detroit Dennis Rodman a Jonah Hill sort now the movie is set in Detroit Stewart looked up and found that the Alex Cross character is set usually in DC But they added him to Detroit just so that we could spend the home movie hoping RoboCop would show up. Alas, he does not. Yes. Every time they showed the words Detroit, we got the edges of our seat.

There's literally a part where one of the, Jean Reno is in it as a, as a wealthy real estate developer who's got a big body, but a small little mouth. Because you know, his face is growing faster than his mouth is. And he likes to wear white pantomahats, but he has a presentation about the new Detroit with all these new buildings, and it's like, stop teasing us with possible rollercops. Like a semi evil bad guy, like millionaire who wants to rebuild Detroit, like, come on.

Just bring in, just give us one ed to a nine scene. We barely got an end to this. So, and also there's another, there's a woman who's part of their detective squad. Yeah, racial nickels. Who is also sleeping with Ed Burns. Now, I mean, can you blame her? Alex Cross, is it?

That's not what I would have gone with it. Alex Cross, it loves his family. And they get a case because suddenly, It's their job. Because it's, basically, it's been a lot of time established. And Alexok Crosses and Marion has kids and a lovely family and his wife is pregnant. They're going to have a third kid on the way, but uh oh, Matthew Fox comes along. He drives up in his fancy car to what looks like a campus chapel and gets a phone call with a mystery man giving him $3 million to kill some people.

This leads to a elaborate plan that involves him entering some kind of underground daytime campus chapel ultimate fighting ring just to impress a rich woman so that he can seduce her and then get a laptop from her and kill her and her bodyguard. Because Elliot, middle of the day is the new middle of the night. Only the cool people get really dressed up nice and go out and ultimately fight a chamber to work. The only way to see it is a woman is to choke another man in front of her. Is to win an ultimate fighting match. I was saying that you guys were watching it, then if it was midnight, we're like two in

the morning and be like, oh, this sleazy after hours, like secret fighting ring, that's kind of gritty, but it's the middle of the day. So all I could think was like like this is a lot of unemployed people detroit really doesn't have enough jobs all this is so pathetic all these all these unemployed guys to hang out in this abandoned church dancing wall roamed burns fighting jobs they're being created they open up to ultimate fighting just

so he goes with her back to her house they search him for a weapon and methew fox is playing this very like he lost all of his body fat basically he's just super whip it strong you know jack james carwell kind of yeah i can see that like i like jack carville like that like a lizard skeleton that somehow been animated yes muskles but he is he is totally ball yeah a muscular lizard you you know, like a

human villain. But super, but like thin, you know, without the little underpants and belt, because he's naked and he works out in this mood. Without the fur loin cloth and the belt with a big opal in the center. And like a harness on his chest that has nothing attached to it, it's just like a symbol with straps across his head. It's just like a symbol with straps across the chest. It's just a draw attention to the money areas, the pecs, the shoulders, the money areas. And without the like real tailspinning action where you squeeze the legs and tailspins

around. Yeah, because let's just get this clear. Matthew Fox does not have a tail in the smoothie. He is not a lizard man hybrid. He is not the gritty reboot of Spider-Man that has a lizard man in it. But it's fair. I mean, like if you imagine Matthew Fox from lost and then like cross that with a praying mantis that's basically Matthew fox in this movie well okay so more of an insect in lizard uh... okay

he reminds me of the snake man that you see fighting in jona hex the movie but without the charisma let's get that straight he is kind of he kind of is trying very hard in this role but it feels like he's sleepwalking through. But anyway, he injects his victims. In this case, it's this sexy woman who wants to have sex. A lot like a lizard. He injects venom into a victim. She has a great line where he said, he notices there's a statue of the God of War next to her bed.

And she says not Kratos, but some Japanese one that doesn't exist. Kratos? Yeah, from the God of War video games. Because most people, I think, when they think God of War they think aries Mars. You know, I think you'll be, you're gonna be disappointed. Really? Yeah, God of War series. These are different frames of reference.

Anyway, a Japanese God of War and she says, sex is a lot like war, both require will and strategy. And I just love you to that she never goes to bed without a game plan check her resources figure out her upon her her bedmates vulnerable points. Get it in vain from just below the test. Okay man you fly around her but while I go straight through the middle where her vagina is. It's called the old one too. Come on we're playing it simple on this one. Hammer and Anvil's strategy.

Now, so... I'm reminded the Academy. His killer MO, and he's kind of a serial killer, but he's also a killer for higher, so it's a little muddled, but he injects her with a green liquid that paralyzes her body. Not reagent. It's not reagent, it's not the ooze. She doesn't turn into some kind of Matthew Fox woman hybrid.

The secret of this ooze is it is not, it has no mutagenic properties. Not really a secret, so this is what you might expect. Yeah, and so that it paralyzes you, but you can still feel what's going on. And to get the password for her laptop, it turns out he's cutting her fingers off one by one.

But he's also hidden a tiny gun in his shoe so he can shoot some people. Now, he kills her three bodyguards and the police are called in because, I don't know, maybe someone heard gunshots or the housekeeper stumbled on the bodies, they never quite explain who found these bodies. I mean, he probably called it in,

because he, you because he you know You know, oh yeah to rub their faces in it. Yeah, they bodies, you know, they just call the police themselves and Movements and so that's when to Alex Cross and Ed Burns walking out they meet John Seemagin Lee for the first time and the police chief and that they argue but it's like there are a lot of scenes in this movie that Feel like this is an episode of the Out of Cross TV series. It's almost like we're supposed to be like, uh-oh, there's the chief again, always on their case, but we don't know who these characters are,

and we establish themselves, they're so boilerplate, you know, boring. It's like the police chief learned how to be a police chief by watching a TV show, because every time Alex Cross shows up, he argues with them, but for no reason ever. It's like, you called him in, he's the specialist on this. There's even a point later on where the police chief congratulates his officers for not catching the criminal, like by putting in a good job.

And later on, there's gonna be a big assassination attempt and Alex Cross calls it in, the police put the building under siege. And Alex Cross walks in and goes, oh, you're screwing it all up, everybody. in the police bet like put like basically put the building under siege and I was crosswalks and then he goes oh you're screwing it all up everybody and it's as if like you point out Dan like as if he didn't call it in yeah like if you had nothing to do with it what were they gonna do so Alex Cross can instantly see this is the work of one man even though all he's seen his three dead guys lying on the ground yeah but even if it was the work of

one man it's not that impressive like one guy with a gun could easily kill three guys. Yeah. Like if you've seen the trailer, there's just seems like, no, this is just one man. And you think it's not like it's riddock or something from the pitch black series. What crazy crime scenes do they come up for? Are there like 30 dead people?

30 people flayed and blood covering the walls. And he's like, no, no, he had him stand on a block of ice and a block of ice melted. I get it. The doctor was a woman. I would love to have Alex Cross to solve all his problems with mind ripples. This is a buzzer. I got this made of ice. That's how he snuck it past the guard. It's damn. That's why the killer was wearing mittens in summer. They go up and they find the killer's other calling card, which is that he leaves charcoal cubist sketches of his victims, which when you fold them in like an alchaffee mad folded, give you clues to the next

killing. Now this is also something that is picked up and then never used as a clue again. And you see Matthew Fox angrily doing his charcoal sketches during his workout, in his kind of seaside workout studio slash. It's like a houseboat or something, right? It's like a land to houseboat. Oh, okay. It's actually a really nice looking house for a bachelor. But he's pretty good at his job, though.

I mean, like, he deserves to own that place. Oh, sure. You know, he's assumed he got $3 million off of this one job. He can easily buy some real estate and in Detroit prices are low. If ever there was a time to buy and just kind of hold on to it waiting for a resurgence, especially if you're as liquid as he is with $3 million in the bank, now's the time. And near the water, you can go to Canada anytime you want, it's probably. Oh yeah, I mean, just anyone living in Detroit can do that.

You just gotta road. You can go in out there. If you're looking for a place to set up an HQ, real estate is cheap and Detroit, especially if you got three million big ones running a whole lot of cars. And there's plenty of people who probably need to be paid to be killed, right?

Yes. That's a tip from us at the barfah. So they find from the clues who the next victim is gonna be, and it's a German businessman of some kind, who's in Detroit, as part of this big real estate venture and He's a big jerk and he looks like they tried to hire someone where if you were just walking by the TV real fast You'd think it was Mads makelecin, but he's not as good as mad as usually assume people are mad

And also just to get things straight mads makelecin is Danish not German. So if anyone thought he was German He's Danish or if they're gonna ride an angry letter into us We know that he's not German. So if anyone thought he was German, he's Danish. Or if they were going to write an angry letter into us, we know that he's not German. He's Danish. Don't try and out Mads, Miguel Stinelli. Come on. You were going to be disappointed. Let me just tell you, there's only three words that describe what I am, and that's mad about Mads. I'm Mads, Mad. Yeah. If possible, Ellie would have a mouthful of Mads if he could. That made me imagine that Mads fools him. It's possible Ellie would have a mouthful of mads if he goes. I don't know if I can have that far. That may be imagining mads folding. It's always revealed.

It's something you met. It's a picture of mads, makelson when you fold it. It becomes a different picture of mads, makelson. A mads folding. It's enough to drive you mad. About mads. Anyway, they go to... It's funny because the security at this building go from we don't believe you to

Wait, let me give you this enormous assault rifle so that we can we can try to stop this killer Killers got a brilliant plan. He's going to scuba dive up through the pipes of a lodge of a large fountain Bernal hole through the pipe get out and then make his way into the office of this guy He's gonna kill That sounds good. But it doesn't work out. He instead gets in a shootout with Alex Cross. He blows up a grenade that hurts the lady and Ed Burns manages to wing him by shooting him in the shoulder, but he escapes.

This is when they go back to the station. Case closed. Johnson, he goes, good work everybody. Good, I mean, a lot worse. I mean, they did save the guy that was going to be killed, but on the other hand, the killer got away scut free and they caused a lot of damage. Yeah, we may have misread that based on the rest of his character. He might have been sarcastic, but it didn't seem like it at the time.

It seemed like he meant it. It was very strange. Well, he was delivering a shit sandwich afterwards. He gave him a real dressing down. He gave him a reaming. So, yeah. They go to investigate some more and they find that all these people were working for genre no who is this big developer who likes to wear a fat joke no he has gained weight he's in he's on that scale now

between the old genre no who was skinny and what uh Gerard Dipper do looks like now so they go to him because he's a expert of uh... projectors get blown at his age it's the uh... it's the hidden secret about french actors maybe the last room he didn't was he's montagne but uh... otherwise

that's specific to french actors and we're all putting on weight but french actors get it to do it gravity's not your friend guys. I just saying maybe there's something in the French diet that turns a leading man into a punch ball. Yeah, bowls full of Duck fat and whatnot. Yeah, you just tuck it in the morning to a breakfast of a bowl of duck fat Smirred all over your just smirred new tail on everything chocolate croissants. Yeah, and so anyway

Smirred some newella on some brief. So, John Renaud, you can tell there's something sinister about him because he wears a Panama hat. He's got a giant ring. And he's got a giant pinky ring. So you know he's a bad guy, but they've got nothing on him. They just think he's kind of sinister. And he looks like he's the next target of this ultra super secret serial assassin killer. And Alex Cross meanwhile is having no luck tracking this guy down. Although they do say, there is a scene where Ed Burns goes, get inside his head and Alex goes, he's ex-military.

I don't know who is, which is a great line because it's like, oh, he might work for somebody's personal military. He either was in the US Special Forces, Israel's Defense Force, were Steve's Army. He's an Oliver's Army. The Kiss Army. He was in Dad's Army. So now I'm a little confused about how things happened because this movie was so dull. Well, so, so, so, so, well, yes. So he captures, he's the killer sneaks into the lady cops how how Rachel Nichols Rachel Nichols home and basically tortures information out of her. And then you don't see that. That's okay. That's off to me because the most

interesting thing to me about this movie most perspective. Newly was that there was a pretty lady in it. Okay, I thought you were saying that the most interesting thing to me was that we did the most diswant to be was we didn't get to see Rachel Nichols torture not screen. Oh, I'm not a monster. No, you're just a pervert, but I don't know. That's not my thing. I just like pretty ladies.

And there is and Rachel Nichols and Edwards do have a sex scene in which she reveals nothing. Yeah. But she unfortunately gets killed. She gets killed and then short order. Well, the kid Matthew Fox is calling Tyler Perry while Tyler Perry is on a date with his wife. And he said, yeah, they play cat and mouse

normal serial killer cop conversation. It's pretty dull. It's pretty dull. It's a lot of, you don't understand me. And like, what did you, who started, when did you start this as a kid? Don't try to get inside my head, you know, copper, something. Well, it gives the crazy googly eyes

and wears his cool hat. Yeah, and he does have a cool kind of like, kangle style hat. And Matthew Fox is setting up a sniper rifle. Uh-oh, for somehow he knew where Alex Cross was getting dinner that night, and he's got a sniper pointed Alex Cross. No, then he points at Alex Cross's wife, and Alex Cross realizes a bunch about to happen.

Too late. Too late jumps in the way But not enough and his wife gets killed see like by being shot in the butt Yep a big one in the bread basket Just like the back of her with her chair. I think it's like hitterspine. Oh, okay, but she dies also taking the unborn child with her So Alex cross zero decency zero. Matthew Fox four I think that was a lot darker than you would expect. It's a gritty reboot. And then Alex Ross's wife and unborn child get killed.

Edward Burns takes it kind of in stride though right? Even though his girlfriend just got murdered. He's not as sad as Alex Cross. I mean like you know he wasn't married so he's like sweet freedom. Yeah like giving Alex Cross like a high five and Alex Cross like no. He's like out on board with, like giving Alex cross like a high five. And I was cross like no He's like on board with it. I'm like pizza and cereal every night. Dude. Come on, dude. Let's go for a trick Who's gonna stop us all girls? Sad I watch TV with the sound way up. So Alex I don't have to keep the sound low when I watch porn now who's gonna hear me the neighbors

I can get by them. Who's gonna hear me? The neighbors. I can hear you. That's part of the turn on. I'll be with the bathroom door open. Now I'll poop with the bathroom door open. Who's gonna see me? My dog, he doesn't know what's going on. Sad, really. So the two of them basically go to the dark side

as the dream girls would have put it. And they take a taxi to the dark side and decide to take a lot into their own hands for about 10 minutes, which involves them breaking into, earlier in the movie it was established that Alex Cross was trying to get out of jail, a young woman who had taken the fall for killing that her uncle had committed. And now that that setup pays off in that they break into the police evidence dungeon or I guess you just call it locker Yeah, I mean it's it is natural evidence locker They break into it which involves punching a real cop and

steal these guns that were the evidence in that case then he goes to meet up with that crime lord at a vintage car museum because it's Detroit One carlo esposito played by one Juan Carlos Esposito of Breaking Bad. And he says, I'll give you these guns that are the only evidence in this case and your niece will get out of jail. If you tell me the name of this chemist that makes this chemical that the bad guy uses.

And it turns out the chemist is just kind of like this nerdy guy and they beat the shit that I'm doing. So I like that this, you know, like this is, I feel like this is true in every stupid crime thriller where all criminals apparently know each other. We'll put some leverage on this other criminal. He probably knows this guy, right? They all attended crime school together. Maybe they went to crime camp in the summer. They go back to their crime reunions and everyone's crime holder. And they have to go to the crime holder. It's like space, right? You put it in front of everything. Yeah, and they go to the annual criminals ball where they all talk about

plans to kill Batman. Oh, so many gimmicks in one room. So they beat up some poor drug dealer. Who has almost no lives. And he's just a drug cook. And he gives them, he managed to show them surveillance video, which gives them the license plate of the car that Matthew Fox is driving, who they've been referring to as Picasso, because of his cubist sketches, which at this point, they never get to see again. He just uses draws him in his spare time. And his spare time.

Yeah, his spare time. It's spare time. Yeah, his spare time. No, it's accurate. It just seems funny. It's just a little bit of him time. Look, if he just works all the time, he's gonna go crazy. Yeah, hit man half their own interest. Exactly. It's not just murdering people. He's got a soul. Yeah. Someone, a soul that's not expressed through his dialogue or acting.

But only through his art. By which I mean the way he kills. And his naked pull-ups. And his naked pull-ups, where you, it keeps- It gets creepily close to the root of his ding-dong. It still was really what was really weirded out by that. So they find the car, and then this is when they suddenly are no longer vigilantes.

Because Alex Cross calls the license plate number to the police department, says, hey, call on, start, and have them shut this car down. And the police person people are never like, how did you get this information Alex Cross? Like this, did you beat somebody up after breaking into our own evidence locker and making a deal with a head gangster? It's screwing up an important criminal case, we have.

Nope, they just run with the punches. From this point on, it's like he's an associate to the police department like he's he's a he's there Like head shrinker in residence rather than rather than a cop but they okay, so they know the license plate They track him to uh-oh downtown. There's gonna be a big presentation about the new Detroit Gene Renault is gonna be there. That's gotta be his target So they call it in the police set up an entire cord in around the place with lots of cop cars, a helicopter, like a security truck, swat guys all over the place. Anyone tries to get in there on foot or in a car, their way of luck. Yeah,

Matthew Fox isn't trying to get in there by car on foot. How's he going to do it, Stewart? He gets in there by bazooka missile. He sets up, he gets onto one of their people mover mass transit trains, uses a computer to override a switch and then shoots at the city hall, I guess, with a bazooka. Yeah, from a moving train. From a moving train. And the plan works beautifully. He even gets to. A bunch of people explode, including John McGinley. Yeah, a lot of people explode and there's some hilarious flaming dummy work. But and before he gets on the train, he's standing there with like a big case that looks like a tar case,

but he's got a gun in there. It actually got a bazooka in there. And three Yahoo's that I know where like, Hey, Hey, pal, Hey, see something say something. Huh? You you're going to go play some music, panty boy. They just start picking on him for no reason. And then he kills all the shooters with that gun and it's like They want the one thing the tough guys hate is music

Thank you And if there's one thing that people waiting for a train are in danger of it's I guess being bullied by nobody's on the train platform Because even if they're bullying on the platform you're getting in the same train cards gonna be an awkward ride after that Yeah, but they they it with they wanted to give you one of those moments where the bad guy gets to kill a couple assholes so that you kind of like the bad guy for a second, but it didn't work. Still don't like him.

And he just blew up the downtown. Any shot of guy in the knee, which personally, I don't like, right now. The minute Dan was like, you started thinking about all the physical therapy that guy's gonna have to go through And you're like shoot him in the face But Dan was like you know what I kind of like this Matthew Fox and then he shot the guy in the knee and he went whoa

You have just broken the unwritten law take him down Take him down cross Cross him off your cross list. Yeah, that's what that's what Dan was watching into his text message was okay cross you can kill this guy So Tyler Perry and and and as I'd say Ed Helms Ed Burns drive up Ed Helms would have been a way better partner Ed Burns drive up And they're like what are you doing blah blah blah the bazooka blast explodes? They are just at the perimeter of the blast, so they get thrown back a little bit, but not hurt, whereas everyone else is vaporized.

Like, it maybe had a tiny warhead on that bazooka charge. But taking no time to mourn their following colleagues, they zoom off in their car. That's true, I guess the chief of police is dead. And they just... He's in charge now. And the rest of the movie is almost in real time. They just drive off, we get a long shot of

of Matthew Fox getting into his car to parking garage Turning his radio on driving down the off-riding his ticket finding is parking lot ticket And then as he's leaving the parking lot there's a it's all done from in a one shot inside the car That's in a totally different style that the rest of the movie. It shot like a deviant. It felt it a camera in the back. And then he crosses the doorway and they were hoping to hide a cut, but it's really poorly done. And then Alex Cross smashes into him with his van. Yeah.

I mean, I don't want to make too much fun of it because the only time in the movie that the dress is trying to do anything with the style. Well, that's the thing. If the movie was more like that, I'd be like, okay, this is some style to it, but just having one different style moment in a very bland movie, it sticks out so badly. It's like the scene, you know, in a-

Maybe a second unit director to that part. Maybe. Maybe a second unit director with a lot of big ideas. He let some teenager look at the script for a couple hours and picked which how the teenager would want the movie shot or something I guess so it's kind of like everyone loves the the big Shot in good fellows when they go through the kitchen of the club at but like if that shot happened in the middle of like an episode I love Lucy you'd be like what the hell is going on?

What happened to the three cameras set up with a studio audience? This I guess it's cool and theory, but why would it this doesn't make sense? So the rest of the movie is just a chase scene between Tyler Perry and Matthew Fox They're in an old theater which we that's turned into a parking garage which we know because they get the they get the coordinates of the car And he goes he's in the and Tyler Perry goes he's in the old theater and and and and and it was and Ed Burns goes but they turn that into a parking garage. Thanks for the information movie. But then in the actual fight scene they seem to be two two totally different things but they're still an old theater there. It's like a boss above the parking lot. They still have all the old catwalks and the old ceilings and they fight for battling.

And there's a big action punchout between Tyler Perry and Matthew Fox where it's like Matthew Fox is this guy who earlier we saw a destroy a professional ultimate fighter and now Tyler Perry is holding up against him pretty well. Yeah I mean he's on a rampage. But there was a moment where Tyler Perry's slow-moving he took big and he caught crawls of buildings in these people and punches him till the buildings fall down. Tyler Perry did slow-mo, kick, Matthew Fox on the balls. That's true, that was a good moment.

I liked that. The camera starts to shake, everything goes slow, and you know that's coming right for his yards. Yup, and then the guy from... Matthew Fox has yards. And the whammy from press your lock shows up on screen and goes, and then brushes away all the points, Matthew Fox, as a king-related,

just sweeps him away with his whammy broom uh... so they're fighting there's a big fight the ceiling the root the floor they're fighting on which is the roof of the building is very unstable their falling through it and they fall through it and it's just like the end of the movie we went watch all the time ago when you guys mentioned that's a set obsessed where the the good guys arms grow really

Legs get pulled really was the address album movie like and they really should have switched roles like Tyler Perry and He should have been obsessed a lot more sense. I could understand her being obsessed with Tyler And I could totally understand him cheating on Beyonce because Tyler Perry. I don't see us having the Personal control that it yourself. I Perry I don't see us having the personal control that Idris Elba has I don't know but uh and are you saying that Idris Elba has the self control of the guy who's been handsome all his life so he knows how to handle women as compared to a guy who's you know a little pudgy and now he's coming all this wealth and women crazy so even though he's married to a beautiful woman another prettyish woman comes up and is like, hey, and he's like, I don't know how to handle this.

Now that he's he's dripping in power. I mean, Idris Elba knows knows when it's time to tank array. Or that tonight we tank array, whatever those ads say, where it's just Idris Elba sitting on a stool. You're saying we, you're saying it wrong. How do you say it? No, it's not like you. You make it sound dorky.

Well, you say it tonight. We tank you. You make it sound dorky. No. You say it. Tonight we tangerine. Okay. That's better. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he's a handsome guy to yourself. You know, walk around in Luther wearing two coats. Two coats all the time. Just yeah, being all handsome. He looked like he had me accordion on the Prometheus. Looks like you rolled out of bed and he's still he's still handsome. Yeah. So anyway, He rolled out of bed and he's still he's still handsome. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway, it's nice of that. That's a big, big, big monster for you.

It would have been better if it just all was in it. It's still a bit of a bad movie. We agree. But so Matthew Fox falls to his death on a car and if this was a different movie, then when the police came, he'd be gone. And they'd be like, what? But I saw him die. And then there would be a scene where Tyler Perry goes home to his children and Matthew Fox shows up and he has to save his children.

There would be that last final scare scene when you're not used to it, but this isn't that kind of movie. So instead, Tyler Perry just kind of goes back to his family and... No, no, there's another... Oh, that's right. I forgot. There is a final... Final Come Upence.

Where it turns out that John Reno was behind at the entire time. Somebody hired Matthew Fox. it was John Reno it turns out he was involved in some kind of shady dealing and he had to get rid of the people who knew and fake his own death and now he's in some Asian tropical vacation but the outs cross figures it out because he's a super genius and Alex cross he has him on the phone and Jean Reno literally says like I had to do it they knew too much but you have nothing on me nothing and it never occurs to him that like outcross could just record this confession but doesn't occur to Alex cross

either because it turns out he's planted two kilos of cocaine in jenry no house i think his outcross doesn't want justice he wants to know to get shot by firing squad which is what happens you know what the you know what the punishment is for drugs muggling where you are dead by firing squad That's the funny thing that's the final joke. Yeah, just move the final joke on us all. Yeah, this movie Like anything end of the movie Uh, Alex Cross goes home and he's like standing outside like looking at his children like wondering if life can be the same again And I don't think that the film like realizes the degree to which this character is morally compromised by the end.

This character has become soiled in our eyes. Like he kills Matthew Fox outright and kills John Renaud. I mean, that was self-defense. That was all chasing the suspect. But like John Renaud, it's just like, well, I'm going to plan cocaine on you and have the government of this other country shoot you. It almost feels like they're going for a dark night type thing where he has to break his own rules to get results, but then he's corrupted by it.

But instead he's just doing what everyone's killing people. And then in the end he goes back to his family. Yeah. Out cross. You got crossed. I like that there's a lot more genre no tries to like try to claim like I did not mean to have your wife good killed, but like, he also killed like the police chief

and all these other police, like, he killed a ton of people. He killed a lot of people. And that was part of the plan, right? Because it's like, he, it's the idea, I guess, is that he hired this assassin but didn't realize the assassin was a maniac and not even an invisible maniac. Yeah, a regular maniac.

The breast kind of maniac. Ha, ha, ha. Well, it's kind of maniac. Well, you both guys, you both have CKS or cryptic syndrome. Plans just pop out of your sentences. What? CKS is a real danger. Be aware of it. Learn how to protect yourself from CKS, cryptic a script givers syndrome boys and ghouls. Oh, no, I've got it because it is I call it blessing. That's my curse. That's my blessing. That's your last to bear. So he has, uh, well, we, oh, yeah, so the idea is that he did this guy went at a control, but part of the plan, yeah, is murdering a bunch of police with a bazooka. Like, did he think he was going to get his body double was going to get killed in a clean way? I don't know. It's not a well thought through plan from Jean Renault. Who do you think would know better since he is the professional?

So I guess we'll- No women no kids. So Dan. Yes sir. So what do you think about the movie? It's pretty great right? It was pretty. This is the point of movie where we give our point in the podcast rather where we give our final judgments about the movie. Yeah. Where there was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie or a movie we kind of liked. I say that this was a bad bad movie.

If you imagine the most generic thriller and then don't cast that with a, you know, charismatic lead, just cast it with just a guy. Well, he's not just a guy. He's a huge star Yeah, but I guess I mean I You star for doing something other than this. Yeah, I haven't seen him in other things perhaps in drag It's like it's like that old thing like about what was it? Esther Williams like dry. She's nothing what she's a star. Yeah, like I feel like maybe that's what the secret of Tyler Perry They should have thrown a bucket of water over

But I just, I know. I'll watch it, I guess. But no, it's true that what he does best is what's not showcased in this movie and what's made him a huge star with lots of fans is not in this. And it is like a by the numbers cookie cutter thriller that like if Nicholas Cage had had the starring role

in this movie, it could have been great. If he had played both the lead roles, the hero and the villain, now you're talking about a movie. But movie it could have been great if he had played both the lead roles the hero and the villain now you're talking about a movie but then it would have been changing out it would have been changing Alex Cross to a white character which would have been kind of weird I don't know Nicholas Cage is a pretty wide range Nicholas get your say Nicholas Cage in black faces Alex Cross I mean it worked in cloud Atlas I didn't really working cloud Atlas wait that was't Nicholas Cage? No. What movie did I watch?

You watched the Cage Atlas. The movie where Nicholas Cage re-enacted whole Cloud Atlas. But yeah, Tyler Perry was just so quiet and not smoldering. I'm going to jump in here and say, I think it was almost a good bad movie because Matthew Fox is super weird and there's that scene where he shimmies like a dream pipe. Like he swims up of a fountain. There's some really crazy stupid crap in it and there isn't crazy stupid stuff in it.

And when the hero's wife does get killed, I didn't expect it to go that far. That's true. I expect him to just shoot the baby out of her body. Yeah, I thought that it was going to be like a movie. You expected to have a sea of scene where the the bullet goes through of her body. Yeah, I thought that it was going to be like, you excited to have a sea of sea and where the safe certainly lost the baby. The bullet goes through into her belly. There's an x-ray shot of the fetus ducking out of the way as the

bullet flies by it, stirring up the amniotic fluid, and then it goes out the other side. No, no, no, I think that's it. No, I thought they were still going to shoot the baby. Oh. The baby's going to literally get shot out of the body. Then it's going to stand up and be Oh, the baby is going to literally get shot out of the body. I'm going to stand up and be like, don't worry guys. Just consider it a C section.

I think it could have been a good bad movie. I'd say it's on the it's on the brink. Don't patronize me. I'll let it. If you don't agree, that's fine. I thought it was a bad bad movie. But when you look at it, there are like, there's the scene where they're looking at the crime scene and they're like, where Matthew Fox has cut this woman's fingers off to find out what her laptop password is. Which is a- But she couldn't even talk. How did he figure that out?

It's also something that I don't think he ever needed that laptop for anything. Maybe it was to get into the train, I don't know, but we're the building, but he, where they say like, Ed Burns is like, but he wouldn't, she would have given up the information after one finger. He didn't have to cut them all off.

And Tyler Greg was, one was for the information, the rest were for fun. And it's like, you have no evidence to support this. You guys are just making a conjecture about something you cannot figure out. And I would think that, I mean, I'm not a guy who cuts fingers off, but I would think after like two or three,

you'd get kind of bored with it. Then it just becomes you know a job. It's like zip lining. You go on a zip line course with like 10 zip lines. Yeah, the first two or three you're like, this is exciting. And then eventually like how many lines we got neck? Last time. It's like crispy cream donuts. The first one's good. Second and third one. No way. You never want to do it. Never bring goals. Once you pop, you can't stop.

But with fingers, you can stop after a couple fingers. And if you crunch, they'll still make make more you can crunch all you want who cares use the can to make like drum on a guitar on a fresh can lead. Uh so before we move on to the next segment I just want to say uh and yeah I know those Doritos but don't write a letter David. Do you know uh you know specific things I want to plug over there but I do want to take a moment and say uh go over to allthingscomedy.com. Take a look at the other great comedy podcasts they have there.

They're all a delight. Great selection of podcasts. And support. Don't you, Tom Poppah's podcast is doing? I don't think you're going to believe so. I believe you are correct. But I also want to make a vague plug which is a

uh... i believe it is in uh... june i think june eight right will be doing our next life show next life show you know it's not so june but that'll be come faster than you think uh... and uh... that's going to be again and i do i try back up but uh but I believe this time we have the larger venue. Yes, so the tickets are not for sale yet, but we'll let you know when they are, but you should buy them up and encourage other people

because we're going to fill up the bigger space, which holds a lot more people, so we really need to fill it. Otherwise, we will look like total dorks. Unlike normal where we look like kings of men. Where we're super awesome. But that space also has its own bar. So you no longer have to run out in the middle of the thing if you want to get more drinks. Yeah, and you'll be like sitting at like, you know, chair, not theater chairs. Yeah, cave raced aisle seating. There'll be an MC that not sees will be outside just like cave raced. But yeah, it's in the bigger space, so there'll be much more seating.

Anyone wants to come in from out of town to see it? Go ahead, because there's more chairs we gotta fill. I give you permission. You're now allowed to. Tell them Elliott sent you, but then pay for it, tick. Parking will be validated. It won't be validated. No, well, I don't know.

No, there's no, I don't think you will. It's up to the right. This is the point where we answer a few letters from our listeners in the Fulop House moving mail bags sometimes people write in to us. Yeah. And sometimes we answer them. This letter is from Brian last name with hell.

He's entitled, he's actually titled, sorry. Oh, he's pretty entitled. Brian, just give it up, okay. He titled this email pilot season and he says it's better be a question about launch padmaquac. Hey everyone including any guest host that may or may not be on this particular episode they are. This email is for Dan and Elliot but it concerns Stu. So yes I'm awesome we keep going. Say the news is no longer funny and the daily show shuts down and to make ends meet you have to go pitch a new show pilot at star Stewart Wellington.

Yeah it's called jazz. I don't know why that's your only option but it simply is. So the question is this what kind of show will you pitch that would play both the strengths of Stewart and also to getting mainstream success. A wacky office drama for NBC where laid back dudes do being the foils of some uptight necktied business types. No. A risqué showtime show where Stewart runs a boardeload, and still spins the wives. Stewart's nodding yes. And possibly is also a vampire. First off,

I'm okay with nudity guys. A classy HBO affair that's basically Arles with Stewart as a sports agent. We're not classy. Cinemax affair where Stewart reads diary letters that have been sent into him about different sex stories. A family comedy for CBS with Stewart as a crude blue collar worker with a smoking out wife or something actually new. I like that. Stewart is not unattractive enough to be a guy with an attractive wife or a CBS comedy. Or will it be something actually new and creative?

From the minds of the Emmy award-winning duo, Caleb and McCoy. Caleb has first been willing because he has more amies thank you yes uh... i'm gonna stop running that gag into the ground on the facebook page at some point just wanted to send an email that had nothing to do with thing dogs dammit there they are again well keep up the good work brine last day nothing gets the ding dongs out i've tried and i tried

try new ddr ding don't remember ddr really gets the ding dongs out no you don't want to use ddr that is carcinogenic oh god but nothing else gets ding dong's out it's worth the risk what do you want ding dong's or cancer what the fuck are you talking about so let what show would we picture Stewart now I see him as I would say a wisecracken bartender, but she already existed. So he's gonna be a wisecracken bartender. And then it's a little close to home, you know.

Well, that's the thing you gotta play what you know. Oh. You're a wisecracking bartender in a bordello that you own. The piano was played by an animated cat, who you also voiced. And each week, you... Wait, the animated cat is the piano, like it's played in the... No, no, he's the, oh he's animated cat is the piano, like it's played.

No, no, no, he's the, we gotta use the pianist. Okay. He's funny that you say that about the cat, because I was gonna pitch a show where Stuart is actually the voice of the parrot on a pirate captain's shoulder. And he is the brains behind this pirate's adventures. Okay, sounds sexy.

A lot of blouses. I think we're cutting off one of the main selling points here, which is the Stuart Wellington Punham. That's going to get a lot of leaves. Did you see G.I. in my punham on top of this pair? It never looks weird. Maybe Stuart could play both the captain and the pet. Now you're talking.

Okay. And he's what like captain love of the SS sexy do I have to do do I have to do accents because I got a million of them yeah well yeah well I'm up alright you're a chimney sweep turn pirate what's your parrot voice that's not Okay, I'm still working on it. How about the pirate? It's then some kind of weird, honz and honz French. I'm a pirate parent.

That's what I just said. I said it in Germanic French. Okay, interesting. Well, we'll work on this. I think you got to solve crimes at some point. Maybe you play saxophone at night under a street lamp with steam. Yeah, a case of the week. Steam coming.

It's called Spur Wellington's case of the week. Steam coming. It's called Spuwelly's case of the week. And you sitting on your desk go, eh, pull up a chair, but you're getting way sticks up on the desk. Let me tell you about my case of the week. But I do like this saxophone next to a steaming manhole. This and a lot of sex scenes. This next email comes from you're not in them. Okay, but I'm watching them. You're watching them. Yeah. Notting improving or shaking my head when they go too far. It's called Stuart Wellington sex describer. And it's just you watching you have sex and describing it over the phone.

And judging people, Stuart Wellington sex judge. I like what you did here that this is not correct. and sex judge. I like what you did here that this is not correct. Work with it. Make it work. So it's like shot in a reality show style, but it is. But it's scripted. It's scripted. Yeah, it's scripted. Okay. Giving you guys a chance to really flex your right and muscles. Exactly. Yeah. It's on stars. So it may not exist.

This is an email from Tim Lasting with Held, and it is titled Dan's Thing. Oh, okay. Dig downs again. He says, Dear Floppers, I would like to inform Dan that his tragic, ongoing search to find his thing has finally been resolved, at least in the eyes of one person, my wife. Picture a man working diligently in his study. It is early evening and bar the single lamp on his desk. His only accompaniment is the dulcet sound

of the flop house filling the room. It is the all about Steve episode. Through the, though the episode is Elliot free, the man still. The man still finds himself laughing out loud. Hearing his laughter, the man's wife enters the room. She places her hand gently on his shoulder. What are you listening to, she asks?

The couple look over to the speakers. The wife smiles, eager to share in her husband's mirth, the husband smiles too. But what do they hear this loving couple? Do they hear Stuart uttering the hilarious, wait, what? Or perhaps a contribution from the house cat on his way out for a night on the town? No, from the speakers.

Dan has reached that particular podcast where he describes in Excruciating detail the logistics of a woman sliding down a banister on her bear vagina Oh, I'm glad I wasn't there for that one. Barg Barg giving the man a quiet look of disappointment and making a passing reference to Dan as being filthy The incident has not been mentioned again So there you go. Why would you talk about that? For most listeners your heartbreaking quest for a stick continues

But don't worry know that at least one woman out there thinks you have one she considers you to be the most Appraved creature to walk the earth of a giant obsessed monster Maybe it's not something put it on your business card Dan. It's a thing. I think that you do that Dan came a coin Vagina obsessed monster to your business card. It was part of your wife's vows, right? She loves her vagina obsessed monster What a weird pet name hold this vagina Yeah, you did a Dan you creeped out somebody's wife again, and you didn't even it wasn't even by asking about her butt I guess I should apologize

even by asking about her butt. I guess I should apologize to this man that he married a woman who doesn't enjoy comedy. Whoa, whoa, wow, totally uncalled for. No, it's actually fired the first shot. Let's just say the opinions of those men in this section do not reflect that of the flop house podcast. Or all things comedy for that. We're all things comedy. It is just Dan McCoy's personal purveness. What a terrible point for the that should have been an

Elliott episode. I never would have stood for something like that. Yeah. Well, you know, do you think when Dan read that layer of the first time he did a bunch of naked bull ups? And each time he went a little bit higher up so the camera almost saw his ding dong. Yeah. Te teasing it.

Um, actually, I think that we're running a little along, so we may have to tie up the old mailbag. Do we have any other letters though? We've got many other letters. Let me do you want one more. One more, let's do a quick one. Let's do a quick letter. Okay, I've got one here. A short stack. It's titled Crang with boobs

This is not gonna be a short letter. It's from Lawrence last name with held. He says Gent it took a bit of googling A depressing amount of which just involve pictures of Crang-listing April O'Neill So Harley Quinn for some reason blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, blessing, but they also have massive fake penises what which they're both using the piana girls feet i never should have asked for one more letter i'd like to think that when professor Klein rock was slaving over his computer all those years ago in the back of his mind he was thinking someday people will use this wonderful invention

to better themselves through freely available knowledge and also share pornographic pictures of children cartoon characters that embody a surprising number of fetishes it can't be it probably isn't that far from Kevin Eastman's hopes for the character. And, uh, here we go. Don't blow, don't blow, don't blow, you're showing us this. You're supposed to do that. You're supposed to do that.

You're supposed to do that. You're supposed to do that. Why could you not, here you go. That's horrifying. Why does that exist? As advertised. So many horrible fetishes all at once. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no all at once no no no one's for me penis and let me tell you it's really works for you yeah I mean it works it's the description I mean it's a robot penis urinating it should be

biologically impossible to do that it is a robot there's there's still something about it there's two penises I never thought I'd see something so we're talking about the character Crang from the teenage meat and industry living brain Crang rarol that one the penis on the Crang Brain Yes, the living brain crying baked us a cake that said, I forgive you, and she walked right in at that moment and then dropped on the floor.

And then threw it on the floor. She shouldn't have forgiven us in the first moment. No, that was her business. I never thought I'd see something weirder than the illustration of two transformers with human genitals having sex. But I did, so thanks, Dan. So that includes the letter now,

that one with a bang. Why did I ask for another letter? Uh, and now comes the last segment in our show where we recommend movies. We actually enjoyed and think that the listener might also. Yeah, mine is called penis Greg. He's again. Well, on the subject of, of, of kind of, on building on nostalgia. Oh, I thought you say on the subject of disembodied heads to crazy things, there's a movie called Head of the Family. I just watched Reckit Ralph, which is great. It was nominated for Best Anime Feature

and I'm assuming many of our listeners have already seen it, but I really liked it. In some ways, I felt like it outpicks our Pixar this year. It's a well-told story. It is incredibly well-voiced acted specifically from a flop house fave, Alan Tudic. Yeah, go see it. I would like to recommend a movie called Prime Cut starring Lee Marvin, Gene Hackman, and Sissy Spaceck in her first credited role role and it's directed by Michael Richie.

It's a... I mean Guy Richie. No, Michael Richie. It's a 1972 Gritty crime drama that is about a enforcer from Chicago who goes down to, I believe, near Kansas City to Kansas City, Kansas City, Missouri. I can't remember but he's collecting some money from Jean Hackman who on the side is running a white slavery ring

that involves Sissy Spacek and a bunch of other girls like being in like a cattle like Penn make it for some reason in his downstate like weird crime ring. But, this is a movie that got me. Yeah, with much respectable people in it. But it's a great like sleazy crime film. And what's interesting to me about it is it's a sleazy crime film that's set in the rural Midwest. And as someone from the rural Midwest,

I really appreciate the way it makes that area seem super-missing and weird in a way that is not accurate to my personal experience growing up, but I found a lot of fun. So that's my recommendation, crime cut. Well my recommendation is going to be a movie that I watched a while ago and I was meaning to recommend, but we've been having out of the ordinary episodes, I guess. So this I'm going to recommend an older film, Shocker, called Beva Zapata. This is an Iliacazane movie, say what you will about his personal politics and the way

he treated other people. He made a bunch of good movies and this one's really good. Sorry, Marlon Brando, Anthony Quinn, Eli Wallix in it and it's a historic film about Emiliano Zapato, the agrarian rebel in Mexican history and it's just really good. There's a lot of good gritty fighting scenes. There's a lot of good dialogue scenes. They do a good job of kind of building a portrait of a man who has what it takes to be a heroine a leader, but feels like he's not educated enough to really take advantage of it.

And so as a result, gets used by other people. And the only real problem in it is that Marlon Brando's Mexican makeup is a little too heavy, and they pull back his eyes as if he's Ed Wrigey Robinson in the Hatchet Man playing like a Tongue assassin or like like Sean Connery and you only lived twice. Yeah or it all the people in Cloud Atlas basically but so that's and people complain all the time about touch of evil and they say Charlton Heston playing a Mexican but Charlton Heston is kind of a more convincing Mexican than Marlon Brando in this, but Marlon Brando's performance is still great It's just like he over he attempts to overplay

Big Mexican, but uh Just like a speed guns all his voice. Yeah, exactly the whole thing is I'd like to I went over to the government I think no, he's no, he's basically just he does the thing that old Hollywood actors did when they played other ethnic groups, which is that they talk a little slower. But it's still really good and I highly recommend it. And that's the movie. Viva Zapata exclamation point. Well, guys, come to end another episode.

And that comes to the status part of the episode. We're re-watching Alex Cross to make sure we were correct. You don't realize you may not realize this on podcast listening land but we watch the movie before and after we call it a flop sandwich. We do it to punish ourselves because we are not happy with who we are as people. Hey guys I'm glad we can cross this one off of the list of movies we have to watch. Yeah, talk about a real Alex. Did that work? Well, it's workshop. Okay. We'll work on that, but for the plot house, I've been Dan McEvoy. What else does Alex mean, Elliot? I don't think anything else. Okay, well then my name is Elliot Kaylen, but not Alex. And I know. Bad. We're waiting for Dan McCoy to take the stage.

He has poured himself a glass of some sort of liquid. He's now handing a coaster to a Mr. Stewart Wellington. Elliot. Kaylen. That's me. handing a coaster to a coaster. Well, Elliot. Okay, that's me. And now Dan is taking his seat for the hushed crowd. You're to see what he is presenting this time.

The winces slightly. May he's still hurting. Wonder if that's going to affect his performance tonight. I guess there's only one lady to fight.