The Flop House - The Flop House: Episode #124 - Stolen

Episode Date: April 20, 2013

NICHOLAS CA-AAAGE! 0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.0:33 - 36:00 - Some people just feel like home, y'know? Like Nic Cage in Stolen.36:01 - 38:56 - Final judgments..38:57 - 58:32 - Flop House Movie Mailbag58:33- 1:08:11 - The sad bastards recommend.1:08:12 - 1:09:45 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We may watch other movies, baby, but you know we love you best. We discuss Stolen starring Nicholas Cage. Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kaelin in the number three spot, but first in America's hearts. I don't know if he really knows that. Yeah I don't know. I've spoken. I looked up our queue ratings. There are floppers. Stuart checked his phone and he said he's allowing.

Enough goofing around guys. It's time to make the donuts. Suddenly you're a cruel task master. Welcome back to the flop house. A podcast where we watch a movie perhaps a bad movie and then we discuss it. Yes I feel bad you don't want to you know every now and then we throw seven samurai in there Yeah, just throw off the listeners Seven to samurai of floating weeds in the mix. Yeah every now and then we just throw away

other Japanese movie in there Dead or alive to that's all I mean that is a bad movie. That's a great movie where they turn into angels Yeah, they have the montage of killing people and giving money to happy African kids So this evening we watched a little movie called Stolen Stolen starring Nicholas K. A. Nicholas. It's we haven't seen a Nicholas K. It's moving in a while so we're excited about this one. Like three months without a K. A.

So should we explain why we're mispronouncing Nicholas K. I think listeners to the past episode are familiar with this story. That was pre-EW. So we should. Yeah. That was pre-EW. So we should, yeah. Or Pew, P-E-W. Post-EW. And if somebody is picking this podcast up for the first time, we don't actually want them to get the joke, right?

Exactly. No, yeah, yeah. It's all about forcing people out and making them not enjoy it by feeling they're not cool enough to get these inside jokes. So buckle on your headphones, folks. We're going to talk about this. It's going to be a bumpy here. So we should explain that this movie stolen,

we saw the trailer last year. And it looked fantastic. And it's a Nicholas Cage film that for some reason in the trailer, the voice over guy who has a perfectly normal voice announces the name of the star as Nicholas K. It's like, it was that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that.

It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that.

It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that.

It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. It's a bit more than that. to DVD films, do we ever resolve that? According to Wikipedia, it was released in theaters. This is a movie that in America made a little bit over $300,000. Not dog. And worldwide box office gross was a little over $2 million. Okay, so it's probably on top right?

No, it's a budget of $35 million. Oh, holy cow. Which is still very cheap for this type of, I mean, this is a Nicholas Cage action thriller. And it's- Danny Houston doesn't come cheap. No, Danny. All those Hatsy wears. cheap for this type of move. I mean this is a Nicholas Cage action thriller and Danny Houston doesn't come cheap. No, Dix. All those Hatsy wears. Maryland Ackerman. Very expensive. They shot it in New Orleans. So you know that's expensive. The big easy. Home of 12 rounds. As I believe they renamed it. They

renamed the city home of 12 rounds. they gave the key to the city to John Sanos. Yeah, and then he bent it in half. And then he ate it. He thought there was chocolate inside. He didn't care. He just thought it was something. He just eats, he just ingests matter. And it becomes master.

Man, man. That's what you're saying. Yeah. So this is a movie that, so this is a movie. It's a movie. It doesn't look expensive. It's a suspense thriller. It doesn't look like a movie that thirty five million dollars a lot

of screen right it's kind of but it doesn't look bad yeah looks it looks more expensive than movies that we've seen that cost a lot more for more expensive than Nicholas Cage movies that's my boy last week which was a seventy million dollar movie oh where you saw none of the money on screen yeah the not ones did they do a shot of just like a big pile of money. I mean, this was a competently directed action from Simon West, he may know as the director of Tomb Raider and more recently the mechanic. The problem in East. Gone in 60 seconds, right? No, he didn't do that, but he's best enjoyed, I think, for Conair.

All right. Which is a very enjoyable stupid movie in which the audience is supposed to cheer for a child killer being on the loose at the end. When Steve Bussemi is not only on the loose, has money in his pocket and a crowd of people around cheering him. This is a character who throughout has been treated as the worst murder in the world.

But to the audience it's like, yeah, our cute buddy. A friend Mr. Pink. Back in the game. I thought he was all chopped up in that wood shipper, but nope, he's okay on the con air. Oh, the same character. I tried to book a flight on con air and it was much more expensive than I thought it would be. Only movie they show the rock. Weird. So weird. Yeah. But they show the version that stars the rock. We replace all the parts. Okay. And he disperformed it in his basement. Yeah. Yeah. So we

talked about what this movie was about. Yes. So Nicholas Cage plays the best bank robber in the world. Of course he is. He's Nicholas Cage. And in the beginning, he and his gang made up of Maelan Ackerman and... She was a hottie. Who else was in it? Josh Lucas. MC Gainey.

MC Gainey was the body. And he was a Mr. Friendly from Lost. Or, you know him from... Swamping from Conair. Wait, hold on. That was Caird, his name, and he was a character's name and he was a pilot and he was in another flop house movie uh... yet told to me earlier and i've already forgotten i forgot to uh... and

uh... like ten thousand bc's and he played one of the manics wild hogs wild hogs he was like a biker or something and maybe a sheriff and he's also a rapper mc gainy vester cermonees gainy now what so they have up they have a bank robin crew also a rapper MC Gainey, you master of ceremonies Gainey. So they have a bank robbing crew. They're the best bank robbers and they're in New Orleans, which is how you say New Orleans, if you're in New Orleans.

So they're in New Orleans, and they're gonna rob, it looks like... Oh, that angst. It looks like they're gonna rob the Gagallans Diamond Exchange, and there's all these FBI agents around, led by Danny Houston, that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that get your head okay hold back hold back uh... so there it looks like they're about to rob a diamond exchange which involves drilling through a toy story wall toy story wall it's really to a toy store wall and going into the

the diamond building the f.b.i. rushes in they were double hatched double crossed they're not robbing the diamond exchange they're robbing the bank a they break through a safe they rob it of ten million dollars in cash bucks wrapped in plastic uh... and unfortunately

nickless cage and uh... what's his name loucose josh loucose they're leaving the bank but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but look is is very sadly behind a bunch of gold. Of course he's looking at it. There's big piles of gold worth zero. I could sell this gold to William DeBane for big bucks but they got to leave them behind. If anyone's watching news channel networks and during the day you'll get that joke. But he says I love shiny things and gold is the shiniest. Yeah. And it looks good. He's got $10 million right here. Let's just go.

Okay. And they're rushing out of the bank and a janitor or somebody sees them. And Nicholas goes, pay with about $10 million right here. Let's just go, okay? And they're rushing out of the bank and a janitor or somebody sees them and says, hey, well, you guys going and- When you're running with that bag full of money. And Josh Lucas hits that guy and is about to shoot him. And Nicholas cage like, we're not killers, okay, don't kill him.

And they fight, they're literally, the people in the van, the getaway van can see them down an alley. They get in a fight and in the middle of it Nicholas cage shoots Josh Lucas in the knee to get him to stop he throws him in the van I'm not in support of that any sort of me entry but the and this is it's like we watch movies in a row guaranteed to air to infuriate every time I got like a bad guy in a movie gets hit in the crotch I'm like hey come on that's part of giant penis yeah like it the like at the end of the Power Rangers

movie when they need the, uh, the giant monster in the balls. I don't know. I would be lying if I said I had seen the Power Rangers movie. Okay. Well, continue. Or like whenever a guy gets his foot stepped on in a movie and I'm like, all right, okay. What's that? You're in a foot flight. Not really, but it's a popular fetish. I love to jump on the foot fetish bandwagon. I was, I was, I was, you want to try it out. Yeah. I was actually talking about this today, how I'm disturbed that like if you put

any actress's name into Google, immediately, feet will pop up behind it, which is apparently like foot fetishism is much larger than I expected, because that is the number one result. You know what's even larger than foot fetishism? What? Big foot fetishism. Bigger feet, bigger fetish. Look at those eyes of those footprints. There's some guys that's like an enormous boob print.

Yeah. Anyway. Guys, I'm wearing a masterbiting for the idea of Bigfoot and some monolablon. Just masturbating to Harry and the Henderson's. There's a guy who has cut out pictures of shoes from a magazine. And he watches Harry and the Henderson's and holds it up to the TV screen. Yeah.

Oh yeah. That's the stuff. Oh yeah, old man of the forest. Those pumps look pretty good. You got the biggest speed the biggest Anyway, so uh, so we're gonna talk about the movie some more. What's going on? So we're about five minutes into the movie Dude, uh, Nicholas Cage can't get on the getaway van So he gets into a police car he beats up a police officer and gets into his car and takes a little bit of parkour Takes the police on a high speed car chase.

It's a pretty good car chase through a parking garage and all that. But finally, he gets caught. And they say, come out with the money. And he's got a duffel bag with $10 million wrapped in plastic. And he's in a building with a barrel fire that some homeless people were warming their hands around. It's not barrels fires. And because it gets so cold at night, New's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair gumbo so he and nigglass cage walks out of the money side through the money in the fire i threw it in the fire he's got they've got no evidence

no evidence well he doesn't tell them that that that time burn with the he's a thousand son and he gets he gets no just fire he gets ace he gets a reduced sentence because they can't find the evidence yeah even though there's no way that $10 million in bills Raption plastic or is gonna burn up in one of those barrels so they're not gonna figure out what happened I don't know. Maybe it was like that's you know an atomic barrel. Okay, sure Well, except I'll accept for the purposes of stolen the purposes of stolen that barrel has atomic fission technology But that purposes stolen that barrel of shines as bright as the sun. Yeah, exactly But that person stole that barrel of shines as bright as the sun. Yeah, exactly. Just like Nicholas Cage's smile Yeah, it is brighter than the sun that cage smile cut to eight years later Nick Cage is getting that a jail as a free man

First off is at a new stand to buy a ratty blue teddy bear for his now grown daughter Is it my grown? She's like 15. Yeah, sure and then he he gets picked up by. Perfectly number two over here. Yeah, exactly. Grown at 15. Huh? Let's try to get this started. No, it's about to bar. It doesn't stick on the guy with the big foot fetish. Okay. So and he gets picked up by the FBI by Danny Houston, who is now wearing a hat? You know what? A pork by hat? A pork by hat, because that's what cops wear when they reach a certain age. Yeah. who is now wearing a hat? You know what? A pork buy hat. A pork buy hat? Because that's what cops wear when they reach a certain age. Yeah, in the intervening eight years,

he got way into wearing a hat. Yeah. Can you blame him? It looks great on him. No, of course. He's starring in police detectives of a certain age. And he wears a pork buy hat. M. Ed O'Neill and some other guy who played a cop at some point.

Some more. He's just recycling. And we're Andre Browr. Andre? Andre Browr? And Dre Browr. And Ray Browr. That's Andre Browr's when he got the sex change. Oh, and Dre Browr.

Yeah, anyway, so it's eight years later. There's a house. I think we got that. They drop him off at his daughter's house. We never see the daughter's mother. So I guess she's just a 15 year old. She's got to be beautiful. And that her daughter. It doesn't go well. His first meeting with his daughter. He gives her the teddy bear. She's a little old for her. Takes the teddy bear initially though. Takes initially to make him feel better, but the conversation does not go well. He tries to explain that it's not his fault. He became a doesn't go over she leaves to go to her strengths

appointment because apparently she has abandoned issues if you couldn't tell that from her pixie cut but unfortunately I don't know what that means what unfortunately she gets into the wrong taxi cab as we'll find out in a second then Nicholas Cage goes to visit his old pal Malian accraman who's now bartender and uh... eight years looks great yeah has not aged today nobody in the movie has aged a day except for nicles cage's daughter i assume and uh... the movie attempts to hang in the internet by having uh... nicles cage

say you're aging younger but still eight years later in your story you look younger than you did before yeah no dice movie to get what you're so we're not buying. I mean, MC Gainy looks like what? 95 years old?

You're not at this point. And so, but he also got. I see Skat Gainy. I see Skat Gainy. I don't remember what he did. The German porn version. The ice. I see Gainy.

The rap. You really are not doing a great job of keeping this for the way I love you. All right. All right. I was talking about Bigfoot porn earlier and now you seem like the fervor anyway. So we're barely into this movie. So he got a package and it starts ringing while he's talking to Maley and Ackerman. Opened it up, it's a phone from an unknown caller.

That's weird. He picks it up. That's because his movie's called Unknown, called unknown right now it's not a cold stone now he still the phone i don't get it no he's gonna steal some of the still ten million dollars to steal some other stuff but wait i thought he burned it so he didn't really steal it no you can still steal something even if it's destroyed okay continue and now she told him that Josh Lucas has died and that emcee gainy is just an old man now he gets a phone

call on this new brand new phone. It's his old bank robbing partner, Josh Lucas. Uh oh. A ghost from beyond the grave? No, you'd think. Yeah. But actually, he's become a horrid, gross shell of himself, a golem of a man. And I don't mean golem, the good kind of golem. I mean, the bad kind of golem. somehow in the interview years he's grown long rady blonde hair in eight years he i believe it grow long rady blonde rady blunder looks like the wig that uh... jiff d'Angels was wearing him dumb and

dumber and he's got yellowed teeth and then also possible he's lost his uh... he's lost one his leg the one that he got shot at his left the lower half of his left leg and now those like blade runner style like uh... spring yeah the kind of thing that like a robo power from blade runner wears no the fucking the guy that was the story of the allegedly killed a friend until proven guilty which he will be allegedly thank you for not getting the

flop house suit guys and thank you for not getting the flop house soon, guys. And thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. You're hard to true, you're pals and confidants. You know, if you two threw a party together for some reason, but at everyone you knew, I think you'd see the biggest gift, maybe a monetary value, not in size, because we're going to give you a giant teddy bear or something,

it would be for me. And the card attached would say, thank you for being a friend. Dun dun dun dun dun. So wait it says dun dun dun dun. I wrote out the music. So it's his old supposedly dead criminal buddy who's now got a mean matter. Looks like a crazy old voodoo master now. He looks like a gross, a gross, like kind of rat wizard of a man.

He crawled out of hell, take his revenge. I mean, that would be interesting. It turns out he didn't do that. Turns out he faked his own death partly by chopping off half of three of his fingers. So he's, he's an onion knight, if you know, gross you know gross now and he has I won't by the way you won't be so he's not so soon with his other things with your demos didn't carry his fingers around with him in a pouch I mean come on no he didn't use them to fake his own death in a pouch now he uh oh he's a taxi driver now he picked up Nicholas Cage's daughter

in his taxi and now his daughter Nicholas Cage's daughter I'm sorry Nicholas Cage's daughter in his taxi and now his daughter? Nicholas Cage's daughter. I'm sorry, Nicholas Cage is done in his taxi. And he says to him, I want that $10 million, or else your daughter's dead, I'll give you 12 hours. And Nicholas Cage is like, but I burned that money. I burned it. He's like, yeah, sure you did. I don't believe you, my leg doesn't believe. The audience doesn't believe that happened.

Give it to me in 12 hours. I'm going to spend that time just driving the streets of New Orleans. During Marty Grauff. During Marty Grauff at Tuesday. With your daughter and my trunk and get me the money or she's dead. By the way, he did put a bunch of glowing dark stars in the trunk to make more homey for her as he drove around. So that was a nice move. There are a couple of glow in the dark stars and the trunk to make more homie for her as he drove around. So that was a nice move.

There are a couple little touches in the movie like Danny Houston's hat and the little glow in the dark stars. He puts in the trunk. They made the, I like that they made the bad guy look like a weird, ready monster. I mean, you like weird, ready monsters in general. Yeah, in general, like your castle freaks. Yeah, you're snake man. He is kind of what I imagine the Judas Priest on night crawler to be about that's the guy who who crawls into the town in the middle of the night to feast on flesh and blood or he's just

like a ratty taxi driver too I don't know so Nicholas Cage is at is at a loss he's got to find this money that doesn't exist but what he really has to do is find his old partner so he can get his daughter back. One last heist, sure. Yeah, well, but not one last heist yet. First, he's gonna heist his daughter back from this jerk. Yeah, it's called daughter heist.

One man has to steal one daughter. This movie could be called catch that cab, catch that cash, catch that kid, or catch that case. So he tries to get the FBI's help they don't believe him. Sure your dead buddy is around and you and that's why you want our help and you it doesn't they don't believe that's why you're violating your parole. So he has you burned all that money even though we couldn't find any of it whatever tell to my hat. Do you believe him? No, I don't. My hat doesn't believe you. So he asked he can't get their help. He breaks some laws to

get some information. He tracks down the old friend MC Gainey. MC Gainey, he knows what's going on, but he doesn't want to help him. He's mad that he burned that money too. And he's mad they made him drop his lunch. He had a big paper sack with his lunch in it. Nicholas Cage made him drop it for some reason. And I wish that it when it fell, it made a squirt, like a really cartoony squish sound or even like a boing, but it doesn't. That was full of chili. Just in the bag.

It's just a bag of chili. Just dripping through this paper bag. But the police, the FBI come in. There's a fight out. By the way, bag of chili is now copyrighted. Flawp house. Eddie attempt to make a restaurant based on paper bag. But the police FBI come in. There's a fight out. By the way, Bag of Chili is now copyrighted. Flop House, Eddie attempt to make a restaurant based on a bag of chili. It's a U.O. as well.

Flop House brand, Bag of Chili. From the makers of Bag of Coleslaw, it's a garbage bag full of Coleslaw. Stick your hand in it. Well, something out. Eat it. Wow, we didn't even really try on that slogan. No, it's more user instructions. We could have made that sound more average.

We were the diagram for a poster. I think I see the problem in why our close-law business didn't take off. Well also the mascot is Garby the garbage bag, not appealing or advertising. Stick your face in me. Celebrity endorsement by MC Gainey. Come on down to bag of course law. It's full of main AZ goodness. So they have a big fight and the shootout MC Gainey gets killed. Nicholas Cage goes on the run and the police are just shooting guns at him.

They're just firing semi-automatic weapons that's what team got just makes a jumping shooting machine gun and at this point his crimes are breaking his parole and accessing FBI files and they're just firing automatic what semi automatic apartments all around this is like a residential area they're just shooting up oh it's New Orleans it's in bad bad shape anyway after after John saying I got through after there's still yeah They're still recovering from the damage done by 12 rounds hurricane saying Nicholas cage is on the run fine. He's gonna do this by himself. He's gonna track down his old partner

He almost does it. He takes a cab driver hostage uses the radio to track down his old partners cab There's a lot of car chasing to track down his old partners cab. There's a lot of car chasing. The partner almost gets caught by a cop because the girl in the trunk has broken one of the, I wanted the brake lights, one of the tail lights and tries to escape. She almost breaks through and gets a phone

left by an Australian passenger that Josh Lucas beats the shit out of. There's a lot of it. I'm really on appealing on straight and you're kind of happy to see you get beat up. I don't know, he's just a tourists there to get laid. I don't know She was looking for Sheila's talk about Sheila's bill of bongs, you know some room eat all sorts of stuff Wombats and what have you the dingle eaters baby. He's got some sympathy. So anyway

Nicholas cage. I'm just gonna cut it as quick as I can because it's it's actually Not bad. There's a lot lot of incidents and things like that finally nickless cage he can't track he's been double tricked again and he can't find the taxi cab the taxi guys switch out uh... his gps with another taxi so there's no way of tracking the scott no way he's just gonna have to meet him at the rendezvous spot in abandoned amusement park with money in hand but he doesn't

have the money but what is the sky love more than money? G-O-L-D. Goal. Goal. He only loves gold. He loves only gold. So, sounds like Nicholas Cage is going to have to steal himself some gold.

He takes Melinackerman in. She doesn't say just when I thought I was done or like, you know, something like that, but she should. I'm getting told for this shit even though I haven't aged in eight years, but she doesn't say that. So, but they have kind of an interesting plan to get the gold. They're gonna go beneath the floor of the gold vault, melt through it, and then melt the gold, and it's gonna fall into sewer water and cool and big lumps that look like gold poop. And they'll just put that in the duffel bag and carry it around.

It looks like gold poop or rocks that have been spray-painted gold. I mean, have you ever seen gold? It looks like rocks that have been spray-painted gold. It's fair enough. Fair enough. And it looks like dragon poop, basically. So they got this bag full of dragon poop. The police are chasing after them.

They narrowly escaped the police by switching trucks. And there's some more, there's a bunch of good car flip stunts throughout the movie actually, but uh All about flipping cars with you. Yeah, I just love car flipping movies Flip I'm always just a point when I watch flip this house because the house never actually flips over It's like hello the title promised it. There's no springs. No kind of a trip. A big lever, nothing. Bet show flip this pancake is a little better. A little better, but it's not that exciting. No, it's not that stimulating. I mean, I could do that at home, and I do.

Bet you're a fetish. Nicholas Cage, yeah, is pancake flipping. The motion of a pancake flipping in the air. Oh, that's a real nice flip. The other side's getting all toasted now. Oh, you evenly distribute the heat on both sides. Put chocolate chips in there. Wait, Roger, go ahead and get my belly.

We have any way. Repeat. Anyway, any way. They meet at the abandoned amusement park. Okay. Nicholas Cage finally confront. Big fight. Josh Lucas face-to-face, leg to stump. any of the they mean that the abandon amusement park okay nickless cage finally can find josh lucas face-to-face leg to stump and

they have a big fight and is much crazier than you would expect nickless cage gets shot in the gut and then josh lucas just jams his fingers into nickless cages bullet hole meanwhile crazy because it's not like a real good fight it's just really kind of gross and more brutal silly movie like because meanwhile also Nicholas Cage's daughter is in the trunk of the car we in Josh Lucas has poor

gas all over and set it on fire with a road flare yeah so like Nicholas Cage's arm gets in the fire he pushes Josh Lucas's face into the fire yeah and then he gets in the cab drives it into the river and Then is about trying to let her out of the trunk try to let her the truck which by the way like I don't know what is I mean I understand the first step of this plan which put out the fire this car fire But I already want to is get my daughter out of the trunk of this locked car before she drowns and he doesn't have the keys I don't know exactly what is not the key is still in the trunk but she can't open it like he's not like he doesn't he's been shot in the stomach

turning the key at any point he just seems like he's trying to open this locked track uh... he assumes that that moment he gets super strength because of the stress my only weakness is a lot But then Josh Lucas like back for one final scare like your favorite horror movie monster Burst set of the water. Yeah face all Scarred up all melty face and they're fighting and fighting Nicholas Cage beat some up And run some through with a cross with a crowbar, right?... yeah that like a pride bar yeah and then prize open the trunk

and josh luke is back again we're all saying that it would have been better if you pride open the trunk with josh luke is big as leg if you torn the fake leg off and then use that to private why introduce a fake leg if you're not going to use it to pry over the trunk exactly exactly that check off did say that the best moment was exactly how he phrased it to after stabbing Josh Lucas through the stomach and pushing him into the the sinking trunk he then closes

the top of the trunk of the case closed literally he should have said case closed or case closed the end but but Nicholas Cage has this bullet wound. He's already said earlier in the movie, a bullet to the belly hurts a lot and you die slower. It's his greatest weakness. His one vulnerability, bullets to the belly. But the police helicopter arrives, cop in a hat is there. Cop in a hat?

Cop in a hat. It's burnt rattles with a little kid on the shoulders where I had that's my worst nightmare kid with a badge haha they take him away and then we don't know did he survive wait a little bit I also love like the daughters like he's not going back to jail is he and Danny he's just like no no the other guy stole the money like it is like the other guy stole that gold only mean the guy whose body is drowned in a trunk right now and then stole the gold and then he got in a trunk and killed himself and then he used to get very protective of Nicholas Cage a man who yes he did this for just aifiable reasons but his like broken his parole many times over well around

stealing that you have the idea that even before the new army he's oh mac you get the idea that Danny Houston likes Nicholas cage a little bit no he has a faction for it but but and by the end he saved his daughter you know he all only did what he did to save his daughter is it it's the it's the point at the end where the bad guy says you know what this good guy's been reformed on it's a lot of covering up. The has to be done. Oh, yeah. Well, there's, I mean, at least one cop has been killed.

So MC Gainy also, not to mention tons of cars flipped over. Yeah. Marty Grau ruined. I don't know if it's called off. You know, Ray Nagan is like, you know what, cancel it. Forget it. But, uh, Dr. John is crying. Just crying into his beard, I assume he has.

Then weeping, lettering H. watch, um, so. But no, we don't have what. Takes his doctor down from the wall, tears it up. Why did I study? Why did I study for seven years for this? My, my,u. So he's basically gambit at this point. Yeah, I'm on Sherry. Anyway, he guarantees it. So anyway, then it cuts to Malene Ackerman and the daughter are driving in a truck past

a cemetery. Oh no, are they going to go visit Nicholas Cage's grave? No. Grave. Grave? Is he Mulder enough to? No. He is cooking up shrimp. It's the most half-hearted fake out you can imagine. It's because it barely lasts and it's not even like they show him them driving up. It literally just cuts to Nicholas Cage walking out of a trailer. Hey guys. They can. It's great being alive, right? And not dead, which is what I'm not.

They go, but it turns out, Malene Acrimon still has one of the lumps of dinosaur turd gold in the back of a truck. Nicholas Cage picks it up, and we see that he's being watched from a boat by Danny Houston and Danny Houston's second command. Danny Houston's site kick played by TV's human target. And wait a minute, what's Danny Houston doing here?

Uh, wait, we're in a really cool, like a different, I have a different hat. We're also rooting for Nicholas Cage. They're under surveillance and Nicholas Cage sees the lump of gold and if he throws it away, then they don't have any of it in his to catch him, but if he keeps it, they'll be able to throw him in jail. And he uses like, throw away.

Throw away. And the other, and human targets, like, don't throw it away, don't throw it away. What are they gonna arrest him for? Throw him gold? It's crazy it's not a good point last time i checked this is america

you can throw as much gold as you want you make it rain gold uh... you need gold and poop it and i hope you're watching the screen because you might not know you might not catch that for about four seconds there's a shot of that it shows that there's a big stone like a corn sculpture like acorn sculpture

where pine cones sculpture on the table. Gold lump shaped pinecold on the table. What? Pinecold. Pinecold. It's like pine solver that makes things cold instead of sweet smelling. It's what they spray pine trees with when they get too warm.

The pinecold lady is like Mrs. Freeze. Mrs. Freeze? I'm glad she's trapped in a thing. So, Mr. Freeze? She's trapped in a thing. So, Mr. Freeze has to try and get her out. Yeah, yeah, I trapped in the thing. Something that keeps her cold, right? So, she doesn't turn into a dead bot. Yeah, and an abandoned refrigerator.

She's playing in it. And she got stuck inside. She didn't see that episode of different strokes, I guess. Or that GI Joe, the more you know about abandoned fridges. Anyway, Nicholas Cage finally decides to get rid of it Throws it the golden the water and Danny Houston's like, all right now I can back to my my regular life my regular life hat wearing and But no, you throws hat away at this point. I wish he then picked up his hat and lit it on fire and then threw it away

Throw it over the air like Mary Tyler Moore the hat flies away says my work. He was done It's just like the feather at the end of forest gum. Yeah, it's a great strike threw it over the air like Mary Tyler Moore. The hat flies away, says my work he was done. Just like the feather at the end of Forest Gump. Yeah, it's Pete's drink. And the hat's like, no, one day from retirement. Ha, ha, ha, ha. My wife, Hat and I, we're going to hat around the world with my hat pension.

But then it turns out, wait a minute, Nicholas caged through that big pine cone in the water. And he still has the gold. Stolen is now over. Q, uh, wello shifrin style, cop show. Now here's the thing, this is a movie I'm just going to tell you about. I liked this movie a lot.

It was super goofy and silly, but it had some genuinely fun action scenes, and the score was great. It was like they lifted it wholesale from some 80s cop show, including there's like parts where it's like, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM,

BAM, BAM, Yeah, $35 million, Elliot. Most of that went to hats, fake gold, Nicholas Cage. I assume most of that money went straight to Nicholas Cage's castle broker. And the IRS. But anyway, it's Cage, the original castle freak. That guy's a freak.

We're done. I mean, these were done and you saved that fucking goal. I can't believe you. Yeah, we've been a new way to talk about Nicholas Cage and a new way to talk about castle freak. We're episode 7? 700 and 8? Yeah. You would have thought we would.

When giant Zardos beers, they never saw this. Never been a time we haven't been doing this part. Well, like it's like the shining. There's a picture from the 20s of us doing this podcast. It was a radio show. We all had big mustache. Every time we walk out, we see another version of us walking in. Oh, yeah, it's like a looper.

Oh, you had a whole primer situation going on here. So I'm going to say the music is adorably cheesy. It's just so cop show cheesy. And the characters are all, it like this felt like an hour and 30 minute episode of either the Danny Houston Cop and a hat show or the Nicholas Cage greatest vankerover show it was like it was like if there was a hat cop show and there was a vankerover show and they did like a sweep suede crossover movie of the week oh that's what that that is what it feels like like a like a Macmillan and

wife like sort of yeah yeah like a cbs mystery movie like this is a movie a tv movie cbs would make so they could try to spin it off into a show if it got a bit like the way they do with kojak i don't know if that was cbs the way kojak was done so like in colombo was the same way i think so like and balcara lied to go uh mystery show yeah the classic mystery show. I don't know if it's the silence. There's a bunch of regular people like high society types and a silent in the room and detective Galactica. Detective Bee Galactica. I think I know who did it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Sylon So you're a killing machine robot. Oh, yes, I am a case closed Say you're a human being now Why do you why your eyes one red light that goes back and forth? I have a condition

Uh, that makes sense that makes a lot of sense. I just want more question if you're a regular poison Why do you have big metal claws for hands? And why are you a robot and the silent tries to jump out the window but a cop leaps out of an ambush and tackles him how did you know the silent was the one who did it let's just say I had a hunch oh he's also a hunchback so that time so it's always a pun at the end of the episode. Let's say at a hunch Looks at the elite looks at the camera. It says okay. He's closed It's called battle-star galactic a hunchback to Texas stars the late Peter Falk and

a silent it's always a silent who did it And he talks like the guy from the stolen trailer and he talks like the guy from the stolen trailer I don't think we're gonna say anything that I'm gonna enjoy more than that I think we should go on to final judgments I think we've all seen it I got my final judgment I mean does anyone else to say the movie is like we all went into this movie I think hoping we would like it a little bit

and I don't know about you guys, but I certainly did. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, if we're doing final judgments, I'm gonna say this is a movie I kind of liked. The official categories are good bad movie, bad bad movie, kind of like. This hovers I feel a little bit between good bad movie, movie, kind of like. Yeah, I mean, it's not, it's like a good, I would say it's a good like TV movieish thriller. It's not as good as a, like a B movie type quality movie as like premium rush or something like that. For instance, but it's still a lot of fun. I mean, the characters are just running around flipping cars over.

There's stuff in it that genuinely works and then there's stuff in it that's like super silly. It's a different in it that I was like, this is shitty. It's a bizarre world where Nicholas Cage can beat up two trained FBI field agents and a one-legged guy can beat up a young fiddle Australian guy. Well, that's the other thing. Yeah, it takes place in this backwards place where the weak overpower the strong. We're strong and strong as a weak.

Yes. So there is a scene where Nicholas Cage is like with two FBI agents in an elevator and then escapes and the elevator opens up and the FBI agents I guess wake up from their blackout and our handcuff to the art the the handrail in the elevator. It's like there's no way that Nicholas Cage is what like 55 at this point, maybe a little bit younger than that. There's no way he beat up these two guys, but like Nicholas Cage breaks his own thumb to get us some handcuffs at one point.

He is there. This is Nicholas Cage like as an action star, which shouldn't work, but it kind of works just through sheer force of him. He's been an action star for quite a while, but he's, like, he should have a dad. He's an action star that any scene requires him to run. It's like a stutter step. But also he's not the, he's not like a, he's not like a Jean-Claude Van Dam action star, who like beats people up in fights. He's like a jumping from explosions action star yeah he's not even a Bruce Willis normal guy action star he's like you know if Adrian Brody was an

action star which I guess he is in some way yeah predators yeah but uh they they said the movie about child bros there's something about Nicholas cages what is something about Nicholas cages sheer dedication to not giving a shit about most of the movie that sells it to me as an action star. He's very mumbly, but in a fun way in this. So what do you do? You guys going to give your your final judgments? Here to give his. Oh, yes, right. I think I'll agree with Dan. I think it's, I think it's a hair above a hair below movie I kind of liked and four hairs above a good bad. I didn't realize it was just five hairs separating that. Yeah it's so close.

It's like a gypsy's whisper. It's such a thin line between sanity and insanity. Good and evil. We're two sides of the same coin you and I. So the coin is it's a novelty. You got all the time in the world. It's a novelty coin that I put our faces on. I got it at the carnival. This, uh, I don't know, we're just doing things that villains say to each other. Boy. This is the part of the podcast where we, uh, answer letters from listeners. Let's call the flop house mailbag segment for letters from you, the viewers to us, the flop house in a bag mail to us for the podcast. No song. No song's allowed,

but I'll find some way to delay the letters segment rated are number one. April 8th 2013 AD 2.0 dot com I'm signing off on the name of this thing. Etc. I'm halfway through the name of the segment. I've seen the role. Alright, this letter is titled Flop House TV. We have to break it low since it's from Ronnie Last Name with Hell. He writes, hold down Stuart Elliott Housecat and Al Madrigal,

who I assume is screening all of these emails after his hostile takeover. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was sitting right there glaring at us. Well, I was sitting on the toilet and reading the latest entertainment weekly, which is how I receive all of my entertainment and weekly news. I noticed a new MTV show listing. It's a talk show coasted by none other than Flophouse guest host Sarah Schaefer, episode 22, vantage point. That's true. Nicky and Sarah live on MTV.

On MTV, Tuesday nights at 11 p.m., I recommended highly. This made me wonder why have the original peach has not penetrated the boob tube? Keep in mind, I don't consider Mr. Kaelin and Mr. McCoy's cameos on the daily show full penetration. I mean, we, although Mr. Wellington's video drone experience does count.

Oh yeah, when you had that video tape in your belly, and you had sex with Debbie Harry. Yeah, so I did all those things. So I further wonder. You said goodbye to the old flesh. Yeah, why do I need that flesh anymore? I become one with a greater consciousness. So I further wondered what kind of shows would be best tailored to you guys? Here are a few suggestions.

I know. It's Jolian Caelin hosting old-timey movies on current classic movies. That's a job I would definitely love. Stu and Housekate Storytime on Nick Jr., which would be summarily canceled after one episode for its Frank Sexual content. Dan McCoy would certainly be the third most popular newsman in the New York City area market. damacoy would certainly be the third most popular newsman in the new york city area market uh... and that's pretty good i mean it's

one of the two biggest media markets in the country sure uh... along with david port and ronnie uh... there's a post-credit says in a recent episode elie pronounced john constant times name is constant teen so the actual correct pronunciation c it's not only danica's words wrong pps but it's still mostly dan look as long as I'm Jewish I'm gonna pronounce it John Constantine. It's properly pronounced Constantine wait that didn't even sound like cage. It sounded like a ghost to sing it

John Constantine as you guys have already acknowledged we've already been through Stuart's ideal television vehicles. Yeah, what was it called Stuart's sex watching pirate show? Well, he just scribes other people. Sex describer. Sex describer. He's a pirate who just writes poetry. I don't have a lot of words, so I have to use saxophone sounds.

But it seemed worth pursuing, you know, like what our television vehicles should be. Yeah, sure. Well, I'm gonna really be a tricked-out ambulance like X-T01. But with the TV in it, that'd be my TV vehicle. What would yours be, Dan? What would your show be? I'll tell you what my show is afterwards. Oh, wait, I have to... I thought we were casting each other. Oh, well, I see. Oh, well, Dan's would be called the side guy. It's about a single guy who also has a wife and a cat somehow, who just can't seem to get it together, even though he has a high-paying television job.

So it's like the single guy. It's a slice of life. Yeah. It's like the silver man. It's what you're saying. Yeah, basically, the later in this, the later in this, the man plays the man. The weird thing though, you're also psychic. Thus the name, the double meaning of side of sigh It's spelled PSY guy, but whenever you get a psychic message you go Not again, and then you got to do an adventure. It's probably how I react, but it's all the more you just don't do the adventure

Probably would and you just watch TV and there's a sweep sweep storyline where your knee gets hurt and then is invaded by the Spirit of a killer and your knee is sneaking out at night and killing people and then coming back to your leg So what pretty good. So what my show, but it's called the side guy rated our rated our it's a rated our show. It's on spice channel A lot of hardcore sex, but you don't get to do any of it I would have a really good. Ellie could be like a doctor who style on spice channel. A lot of hardcore sex, but you don't get to do any of it. What if Ellie really does? Ellie could be like a doctor who style a show where like a criminologist, a mentalist. What?

Yeah, like Dr. Food. A mentalist criminal. The doctor is, no, I'm imagining him traveling through time. I like it. A whole Hollywood. Wait, I don't get it. He's a doctor that travels through time. I like it. I like it. I don't get it He's a doctor that travels through time So I can sleep with all my favorite star crushes who have been dead for years and I'm the purposeoid

But wait, I mean he's just talking about sleeping with dead bodies No, no, no, they're living people. I would go back to when they were still alive So you're gonna make them live again. No, I'm going back. It's called Elliot Kaylin starfucker again. No, I'm going back. It's called Elliott Kalen star fucker. Each week I have sex with this different star. Old Hollywood. Clark Gable Spencer Tracy. Rita Hayworth. Clark Gable again because he was that good. I was like, I don't care. I'm a straight man, but these are the stars of old Hollywood.

Come on, I'm not going to pet. If Clark Gable comes on to me, that's a story I'm going to eat dinner out with for a long time Wait, did you just say eat out? Yeah on that story, okay, and no it would go like this Ingrid Bergman, Merna Lloyd Teresa Wright. That would be my order So then we get started throwing some other stars Louise Brooks. Yeah Louise Brooks. Sure Anime Wong definitely Elite gold you got it But no mustache

He has to shave it off. Yeah George Seagal with mustache So this next letter what's the name? It's called starfucker. L.E. K. Let's try. Okay. Yeah This next letter is titled help me get revenge. Okay. I like the start of this one like Stuart Sally I'm gonna have trouble pronouncing first one practice hugging people, but frowning while you do it I apologize for mispronouncing this adjajahar last name with held so this is He says recently my best friend invited me to a ceremony Where he put command of a naval of a navy seal team

oh wow nothing wrong with that in and of itself however during the ceremony he took several thinly veiled jabs jabs at me and my green beret brothers since he was at the podium and i was standing at attention super intimidated this is the fact that this is a navy seal and a green beret with an art with a beef is really more than we can handle. Outnumbered 50 to 1 by seals, I was completely helpless. I have since been plotting against him conducting covert reconnaissance of his house while seemingly babysitting his children. Studying his weaknesses of character, he seems to drink

a lot of beer. And weaknesses of body, definitely balding, but how can I use that against him? Alas, I was stab him in the head. He, he no longer has that hair. The hair would cushion the blow. Alas, I would ship it off. A protective crust. What is in your hair, Dan? He would describe it as a crust.

Alas, I would shift off to Afghanistan before I could deliver a devastating blow to his solar plexus But also before he couldn't flex further emotional harm against me or so I thought Uh-oh last week I was forced to watch active valor Truly one of the worst movies ever made and competent boring surprisingly unreal unrealistic I can't prove it, but I think my friend forced his men to film the sponsorosity Just so I'd be tortured by it later not the first movie that would be made just to torture somebody else with it

you may be thinking we can't make fun of seals their american heroes surely that does not include anyone involved in the making of active valor or andre p please help movie about a seal yeah i'm gonna say right we're talking about the soldiers are the and also please help out a battle hardens special forces operator who does not have the ability or which to effectively make fun of his friend you must fight my fight for me I believe in you please trash active valor for america and jesus and i'm

eleven wow that's a lot of pressure that's a lot of pressure but i think we may have to take that him up on that point you do put your finger on the uh... the problem. Which is, we would feel bad making fun of non-professional actors. If I'm going to make fun of a... If I'm going to make fun of a former soldier, I'm going to make fun of that guy in battleship that knocks

that alien's teeth out. It was actually a former soldier. Yeah, that's how he loses legs. Yeah. He didn't lose him to make the cage shooting his legs off or something. The real sensitive Dan. No, but it's shooting his legs off his head. Real sensitive, Dan. No, but it's true.

We would feel bad making fun of, especially the acting of guys who are not actors who are there for other skills. So I think, so this is my idea. I don't know if we can do active valor because we're just civilians and we would get beat up. Here's where it is. And where it is. The classic revenge never goes wrong, ever.

Rig it so your friend's elected prom queen, and when she gets up on the stage, don't put a bunch of pigs blood on him. Never goes wrong. Yeah, that don't work perfectly. Classic revenge. We all watch Carrie, and we pause the tape when that happened. We high-fived each other.

And then I heard how it came from her. And then we fell asleep. Then credits roll. Or like the show revenge you could be something I never watch and therefore don't know anything about classic revenge so let we'll think about active valor but we would we would have to get a letter from the president that said it's okay for us to make fun of Navy Seals Obama the balls in your court so the president Obama is your balls in your court. So, the resident Obama. Is your ball is your president court.

So, this next letter is from... But thanks for listening, even from overseas, appreciate it. This next letter is from L. Kennedy. Good to meet you. And she writes, I actually adore you guys. Whenever I'm in Deadline Hell, the podcast cheers me right up. Oh, and I think... That would be a good movie about a newspaper run by the devil. Okay, I like it.

Deadline Hell. Starring Maryl Streep as the Deadline. I'm going to go along. Yep. And Paul Rubens as the Hell. Oh, weird. So she writes, they fall in love. Okay.

They have a child, that child's a dinosaur. I got a demon. I know a dinosaur. A sour dinosaur. I know a dinosaur. That child's a dinosaur. A dinosaur. A dinosaur. A dinosaur. A dinosaur. A dinosaur. That child's a dinosaur. I'll continue straight. Oh, I think Nick Cage has blinded you to the gym that is building.

Who? You've got to do another Zane movie soon. You mean Nick Cage. Oh, yeah, we should do another Zane movie. She says, check out Survival Ireland. It's a real treat. Sounds like a porno. And the main chick shows her boobs anyway

well who's the main first of all the main chick has a name her name is Kelly broke haha well that's certainly a fine woman's and we're all familiar with her boobs from piranha the movie that that uh... we saw at perel it's uh... uh... bachelor party knows the day of my wedding

yeah literally the day that we saw, he was thinking about that movie when he said his vows. Yeah, well, they're prayers technically. Prayer, yeah, the day of all his wedding. On the morning of my wedding, all of us went to go see Prana 3D. And true story, at this very moment, I still keep the ticket stub in my wallet.

Because it was the best day of my life. Number one, because of the wedding. Number two, Prana 3D with my pals. And also I had Popeyes for lunch. And to this moment, I keep the memory of Kelly Brooke naked in my brain. You know, there's that too. There's that too. I mean, the wedding you've forgotten. Yeah. Oh, man, I got to make room for other stuff. There are other boobs to think about.... but uh... i i i i i gave al canities a full name though because i wanted to say she uh... she in her signature she says the she's the author of the killer instincts and out of uniform series what now uh...

mentioning navy seals before i went to her website tagline for the out of uniform series of romance novels that she wrote is uh... give a seal and inch and he'll take your heart. Oh, and make sure it's not about Andre the performing seal. Some of the titles to these these novels you got your hot and heavy. Okay, classic. Hot and bothered. Uh-oh. Feeling hot. Well, the hot, getting hotter. You should take those uniforms off. They're so hot

I think that's what they're gonna do and hotter than ever and I have a picture of a I have it one of the covers I got the guy getting hotter here that guy is Look at the fucking com gutters on that guy shredded like an injured turtle The guy has super abs. So if you're a flop house lady fan who's looking into some sweet Navy Seal romance action. Or a Navy Seal who's fantasizing about their fellow Navy Seals they'd repeal don't ask don't tell or equal opportunity. Sure. Or if you just want to read about the thing that somebody else would be reading if they're

fantasizing about you. If you're a Navy Seal, if you're a Navy Seal, you want to project yourself into the story. Okay. Ninja Turtles. He said them about an interesting idea. Someone else would be turned on by you. if you're a Navy SEAL, you want to project yourself into the story. Okay, need your turtles. You said them about an interesting idea. Someone else can turn it on by you. And who is not turned on by that? Yeah.

Then go to lcanity.com, check out these series of romance novels. Maybe we'll get a set and give it a way as a gift pack for the latest flop-ass contest winner. Which one's that contest? Do we have a contest going on? Dan, you remember what's that contest? No, we don't have a contest going on dan you remember what's that contest no we don't have a contest going on although I was thinking that we should have another one where the let's make it up on the spot

uh... name the movie that we review we have done one of those in all that's right we should do another one of those uh... it she reminded me of those titles reminded me of my favorite ever romance title that I saw when I worked to barn snowballs it was called millionaire cop and pregnant mom to be. And I thought, perfect. Everything I need is right in the title. Right up there with the billionaires and babies series. So this last letter, what was the URL for that website? It's L Kennedy L the letter or E L L E L L E as it like like the magazine. L. Okay, sure okay, there's also an L magazine in New York City

Like like a wood star of a legally blonde. Let's say okay It's all I heard name was just L. Period LLE Kennedy Kennedy like the president for romance novels. Yeah For all your writing and novels novels needs. Thanks for everybody for writing. Oh, they're more letters one more letter for the evening And it's titled good director's bad movies. It's from Andrew last name with held he writes Zimmer of bizarre foods your house cat at all Listening to the paperboy episode got me thinking about one of my favorite directors no not Lee Daniels Daniel Lee I'm a huge Pedro Almodovar fan

Huh and the idea of him almost directing a trashy American knockoff of his other work is weirdly upsetting to me I feel like an Almodovar paperboy would have been so bad it could have made me love all of his movies a lot less Suddenly I'd be rewatching bad education or talk to her, and I'd just imagine the whole thing in English with mumbly accents, weird camera dissolves, and gal Garcia Bernalo getting peed on. Has the director ever made a movie or run of movies that such a grotesque self-parity that it made his or her earlier better films

seem so much worse to you in retrospect. A common example of this might be Wes Anderson before he won most people back with Moonrise Kingdom or Woody Allen at various points in his career. I feel like Woody Allen is a go-to and another one is Steven Spielberg where some of his recent movies have just been not, he set such a high standard with a lot of his earlier movies

and his more recent ones are so mixed and uneven. Yeah, I mean, I don't know that there's like, but I don't know that I like his older ones less as a result. It's hard to think of a director where the problem is that his movies are such a grotesque parody of themselves that they make you like his earlier movies less. I mean, I don't have that feeling with us with Sanderson. I can understand that kind of criticism more with him.

It's more that often, you know, directors only have a certain number of good movies in them sometimes. Like no one bats, you know, 100%. I, that was a terrible, I don't know how to use sports metaphors. No, no, yeah, they bat 100%. But no one, you know, like no one, no one's the best record ever. Is that a possible thing to have? No, no one's a great way to possible thing to have is a hundred percent or something

No one's great. I don't even think that's likely. I mean like I tried to watch Alpha Hitchcock's Topaz recently It's not get through a little bit of sequence in that it's not very it's the rest is not very good Nobody I mean there's the only directors you could say I have all good movies are the ones that like Diadion basically. Yeah But even like you got guys like Francis Ford Coppola who made some of the best movies ever like the godfather is arguably the best movie ever Mm-hmm and the conversation is amazing of Hawkelet's now is amazing

But then he made a lot of movies like Jack that are not so amazing bram sogers Dracula Bram sogers Dracula Which is when he put a lot of work into too like that was not a work for higher job But also like the directors like Tim Burton who like have their work has oh, yeah, that's my answer Tim Burton Tim but he's the thing with Tim Burton. That's maybe the right That's the one where the deficiencies of his later work show up the weaknesses of his earlier work Because he's such a he's such a good visual stylist, but he's not a great storyteller.

And so when his style got boring, it was not, I mean, now that, now that sort of a breathtaking visual style is so easy to achieve with CGI and it becomes dull, like what, what was once idiosyncratic as mainstream and he hasn't moved past it, like something like Allison Wonderland

is nothing but visuals, but they're all kind of like ugly, sane, e-CGI visuals. And especially when you've influenced so many young directors. Yeah. Well, there's no much of the god's movement feels like it comes out of his designs, you know. Yeah. Like Robert Smith and Tim Burton. Pretty much. Yeah. I feel like Robert Smith and Edward Scissor hands are basically where that comes from. And like once everything looks like that, you know, it's, it loses its, its uniqueness. Mm-hmm. Little lot of his earlier stuff when you go, like Beetlejuice is still great. Yeah.

When you look back and look like the Batman movies, he did not very good, you know. But the best stuff from his early career, I think, is the craziest. The stuff where there is no kind of rational design to it, it is really just his brain spilling out in a movie, like Beeljuice or something. I mean, like this less Tim Burton necessarily as the otur of it, but like Peebe's big adventure is a great clash between his sensibility and Paul Rubin's sensibility. And that's, it works really well.

It's amazing. And for a long time, I would have said that the comb brothers had pretty much as close to a perfect record as anybody else, but then they kind of had a run of stinkers, just a couple in a row and that was enough to throw it off. But they're still, as they're still, got one of the higher averages, I would think.

Yeah. Probably the highest average would be John Vigo. As as there's still got one of the higher averages, I would think yeah Probably the highest average would be John Vigo Sure, I was gonna say Stuart Gordon Oh yeah, we're sure Stuart Gordon too. I mean I mean that's a thousand percent But like guys who made like a movie three movies like or like wait John Vigo is basically like one full movie and a couple of shorts. And a couple shorts. That's a pretty good way to keep your average up is to make a bunch of good movies like that and then die. So.

So this is the last segment on the podcast where we recommend something that you might like to watch. What about the one where we contrast to what we watched? What about the segment where we create a resolution to become better people for the next episode and then the next episode We report on it. That's been cut. Oh boy. So we're just jerks again. Yeah You're off the chain Elliot off the chain starfucker. Elliot unchained coming this may Starfire rated R rated NC 17

They brought back the X rating for it. Oh wow. Yeah, it's on TV. It's on ABC family. Yeah. Okay. It's very strange, but you know, they put up the money. I think it's weird. Did they say ABC family because they want the whole family to be there or because it's actually the original name of the channel was ABC head of the family. Oh, whoa. I'm listening. But unfortunately too many people messed with the head and you know what happens then. There's too much new Jack Lundlevel and the FCC shut it down. And too much new Jack London. Yeah. Anyway, so what's the second about? This is the recommended movies we like.

There's recommendations. Usually, at contrast to the movie we watch, but in a... So turn off your listening device. And we've watched Stolen. I don't know if there's a better movie that we can recommend, but we'll try. I think, yeah, we probably can find a better movie. Let me know.

Let me know. Okay, this might be a little contentious. You guys all know me. I'm a bit of a, what they might call a gore-hound. I'm actually, I'm gonna recommend a movie titled Universal Soldier, Day of Reckoning. I think the like seventh movie in the Universal Soldier series. Based on the song of the same name. I'm already expecting big fans of the Unisol mythos to be writing in as we speak.

Unisol sounds like a whole purpose cleaner. I know, right. But that's what it's called. So Universal Soldier, Day of Reckoning, it's a later sequel. It does have Jean-Claude Van Damned, All Flungrin, and some other dudes in it. So just the two of them? Wait, real quick. This is a movie that, let's see, Uptal Doss,

a user of IMDB, described says, not universal soldier avoid at all costs. And another one, Dan Cardozo, underscore 22 says, let me just say this is in fact the worst universal soldier movie ever. Wait, but somehow, somehow you like it. The low-wing recommendation. Uh, it's, no, it's actually pretty good. It, it's a movie that like plays around with the, like, I guess the background. It's surprisingly, well. It's a movie that plays around with the, I guess the background.

It's surprisingly, well, it's very violent. It's always, the original Universal Soldier was kind of a fun sci-fi action, almost horror movie. And this romp. Yeah. With a breakout performance by a young kid named Dolph Mungerin. Not at all.

But this lady's Universal Soldier movie, it kind of feels a little bit like if Universal Soldier maybe lost highway or another David Lynch movie and the raid, Colin Redemption, managed to have some kind of weird baby. The action's really horrific and violent and there's a lot of weird slow moments that take on almost a dreamlike quality, and it's got a very, very low budget, but it manages to be if anything kind of interesting. And for me, it works almost like a metaphor for violent action movies in general. So check it out if you're looking for a super weird, super gory and violent movie.

I'm gonna break with the rules because I haven't seen movies that I enjoyed. Okay, since our last taping. So I'm just gonna say, is that because they were bad movies because you are a cramudge in? Probably both. Okay, but I watched a couple of pilots that I enjoyed.

So I'm gonna recommend a couple of television that I enjoyed. So I'm going to recommend a couple of television shows. I don't know whether they're going to maintain. But I enjoyed the first episodes. I watched Hannibal. Okay. Everyone's mad about mad. Everybody is mad about mad. It's hard not to be. Look at him with those chiseled, Danish looks. It had a lot of the sort of serial killer bullshit that normally bothers me, namely a profiler who walks into a scene of the crime and basically knows what happened immediately. But somehow made that- This is some kind of Valhalla rising in here. But somehow made that character work by making him more of a damaged live wire,

empathetic to the point of having trouble surviving in the world character. And it genuinely felt creepy in the way that a serial killer entertainment hasn't done a while. And I also enjoyed a BBC American show by the name of orphan black about a woman who encounters her exact double on a subway platform right before she commits suicide. The double or her? The double commits suicide. And she steps into the doubles life because of problems in our own existence and soon finds that she's at the center of some sort of weird conspiracy and she has twice the problem she had before. And it's a fun show. So those are the two that I would recommend. So Hannibal and Orphan Black. Yeah. And I'm going to recommend a

movie that I saw in life because this is a movie podcast gas. Thanks for clarifying. I thought this was what the boob doob cast the tube house which is actually about tube tops. We love them. You wear them. Let's talk the two house. Their shoulders thumbs up. I'm going to recommend a documentary movie. This is a real life movie kind of. It's called Room 237. It's gotten a little bit of buzz. It's a documentary about the movie. It's called a B story. It's called a B movie. Room 237, it's a documentary about the shining. But not about the making of the movie. It's about, there's five different people whose interpretations of the film are gone into in great detail.

And their interpretations are, to say the least, wrong. Then they range from the semi-plausible that the movie is a metaphor for either the Holocaust or the killing of the Native Americans by the American government to the very implausible that this is the movie that Stanley Kubrick made to reveal to the world that he faked the moon landing or this one woman who just kind of says stuff about minotors and children that don't really make any sense. But what the movie is really about and you don't there's no narrative the only narration in this movie is from the people talking telling their theories. You don't see them on screen. All the footage from the movie is either taken from the shining or other movies, and there's a little bit that I think was shot for this film in a movie theater.

But for the most part, it's all footage that's been edited and slowed down or reversed or eloped. It's a really fascinating movie about how people can take a movie like the shining and read so much into it and devote so much of their time and energy to puzzling out what they assume are very deliberate hidden meanings put there by this godlike director Stanley Kubrick who has control over every detail on screen at any given moment and every single instance of anything in the movie and just kind of a fascinating look at how people wrap themselves up in a film and get lost in it. And the way that it's edited I thought

was really interesting and seems to me one of the few documentaries I've seen in a movie theater that felt like it had taken lessons of the documentaries you see on YouTube where they will replay footage where they all zoom in on things where they'll like create computer models that fit the footage like all sorts of different things and the music in it, like all sorts of different things, and the music in it sounds like the kind of music that John Carpenter writes for his movies with a lot of keyboard and stuff and synthesizers.

It's all so amazing. So the whole thing, it's really good, and it creates this kind of hypnotic spell all around the shining. This movie that is basically like a good kind of high class horror movie, and at the end it feels like these people are trying to rationalize themselves

why they like this movie that like they can't like a movie that has a bunch of skeletons in an elevator full of blood there must be some deeper meaning to it and they seem to be kind of fooling themselves and ever descending circles but they just ask a Stanley Cooper to explain it well he died about twenty years ago everyone who knew Stanley Kubrick was, yes. And everyone, since the movie came out,

everyone who is involved in the shining seems to be saying, this is total crap. None of these things, these people are saying are true. But the point of it is not whether these theories are... Someone got to them. Yeah, Stanley Kubrick's ghost. Shutting him up. Stanley Boobrick.

Wait a minute, got boobs? No, no, Boo. I like the idea of this ghost. He's a ghost, he's not. No, no, boobs. I like the idea of this ghost. He's a ghost, he's a little brood. No, not. The chestiest ghost around. No, but it's a really fascinating movie and a really hypnotic. And it made me really want to watch the shining again, which honestly is not a feeling

I've had in 11 years. So it was really good. I recommend it. Room 237. Well, guys, so a couple of solid recommendations. Yep. You mean you guys, right? Because you're mad at me for no, no, we're not mad. I mean, it's maybe a little mad about you.

We are mad about you down. Not as mad as we are about mads, but we're mads about McCoy. Yep. Same way, Helen Hunt was mads about Paul Reiser. Except, uh, let's just keep going. way Helen Hunt was mad about Paul Reiser. Except. Let's just keep going. Well, you know, whenever we talk about a Nicholas Cage film, it's like Christmas. But Christmas has to end.

And so does the flop house. Wait, are you breaking up with this? Is this the last episode? Are you dumping us? I found it. I found it. you dumping us? I found it. I found it. I'm not dumping us. Oh, I'm not.

From now on, I'm in love with how did this get made? Wait, what? Is this a bit for the flop-out? I've been Dan McCoy. OK, I guess I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kaelin, the end question mark. Come at everyone I Whoa

I didn't know you had the hazing on DVD awesome. That's a relatively reason That is an awesome purchase also lovers of pumpkin butts and Brad Dorif Probably a character from a James Bond movie awesome purchase. I even pumpkin butt We even talked about Tiffany chef's is pumpkin butt in the long zone. Oh pumpkin butt Pumpkin botch. I knew you were behind this. I detected your foul stench when I got up way too long. No, why is he so I'm talking like Prisvislayer? The game's over pumpkin butt.

Is that what they call me? That's so hurtful. That's so horrible.